(lights up on Greg Heffley, They are in PE.

,he looks around and notices he does not fit in)

Greg: Wow, look at all these big and scary specimens. How is a small, petit, supple, 13 year old
child supposed to fend for himself?(Aside) Hi I'm Greg Hefley and I’m in 7th grade and I’m
about to realize that school really sucks and it only keeps getting worse, and it starts in 7th
grade. Hi Rowely.
Rowly: Hiya Greg, do you wanna come over after school and play…. Please? ;)
Big kid #1: Aww did you just ask him if he wanted to come over and play? Huh, you little pookie
wookie loser.
Greg: (Aside)This is my best friend Rowly, I don’t know if you can tell but he hasn't reached
manhood yet, unlike me, greg heffely, do you see these chest hairs?
(Greg lowers his shirt to show a bare chest)
Greg: Why would you ask me to come play, you know I hate it when you do that, God your such
a dork.
Rowly: But I love you. :(
(Lights fade and re enter on the two in gym class, enter Fregley)
Fregley: Guys, guys, guys, you gotta come see this
Greg:(Aside) That's Fregely, AKA the biggest loser in the entire school. He is the nastiest kid
ever, I heard that he has a mole on his belly button the shape of a cow foot, freaky stuff. Only
wimps would talk to him
Greg: What in the world is that?
Fregley: It’s my special little mole, I sing songs to him every night. Look, it’s got a hair in it.
Greg: (looks to Rowley) Let’s get out of here
(Greg and Rowley are walking and they notice something glowing off the courtyard pavement)
Rowly: What is that?
Greg: I think it’s an….old piece of cheese
Greg and Rowly: Wow
(Greg brings his hand to the cheese like he is about to touch it)
Gupta: STOP, good god man you almost got infected
Greg and Rowly: Huh?
Gupta: No one knows where it came from, who placed it there, or for how long. For all we know
it couldve been there before the school was built. But one day a poor soul named Darren Walsh
ventured where no one would and touched it and unleashed a monster of a pandemic.

😛
(audible gasps from the cast)
Rowley: Was it Aids?
Gupta: No, something even worse. THE CHEESE TOUCH
(another more desperate gasp for air)
Big Kid #2: OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!
Greg: (Aside) One month has passed in the thunder dome and a lot has happened. Me and
Rowly went trick or treating like men do and we encountered some high schoolers and we
became friends. I mean we did scratch up their car and they are currently looking to kill us but
hey, that's just how high schoolers are right? I broke Rowley’s arm by throwing a football at him
while he was on a moving bike which was totally not my fault. Girls have been flocking him to
sign his cast now that he pimped out. And me and Rowly jobs as safety patrol officers for
kindergarteners. So things are looking up for the Greg man
(We open on Greg getting a lunch tray thrown at him, Greg walks out of the lunch room)
Greg: Oh hey Rowly, whats up
Rowly: (sadly) Oh hey Greg
Greg: What’s with the long face
Rowly: I got suspended from the safety patrol for leaving the kids unsupervised in the middle of
the street but I don’t know what he’s talking about ….Zooee Mama (very sadley)
Greg: hey you wanna hear a funny story?
Rowly: Actually, not right now
Greg: Nah this is a good one, So I’m actually I’m the one who terrorized those kids and got you
fired
(Rowly stares at Greg)
Greg: Hilarious, right (laughing profusely)
Rowly: You know what Greg, don’t talk to me, don’t come by my house. We’re done. I’m gonna
get a new best friend that doesn't get me fired and doesn't say that I look like mama june after
the crack.
Greg: Welp
(Rowly walks away)
(we enter to greg and Rowly in the courtyard, not speaking to each other)
Greg: What is a small, petite, supple little 7th grader gonna do all by himself in this big
courtyard all by himself
High Schoolers: We got a few ideas
(the whole court yard goes into charades and terror as they funnel inside)
Greg: OH NOOOO….. I mean what’s up guys
(Rowly looks in terror for his old friend)
High Schoolers: So you think you can scratch our car and get away with it
(They look over and see Rowly then look back down and spots the cheese)
High Schoolers: Mama June, get over here
(Greg nods and shrugs, Rowly walks in fear as the High Schoolers look at the moldy cheese)
High Schoolers: I want you to eat that piece of cheese
Rowly: But, but , I don’t want aids >:[
High Schoolers: Well too bad, eat the cheese
Rowly: But I don’t wanna eat the cheese
High Schoolers: (said through their teeth) Eat the cheese.
Rowly: Zooee Mama (said with fear)
(they start an “eat the cheese” rant, Rowly looks at the cheese with immense fear and Greg
watches in horror, feeling terrible for Rowly. Rowly goes to eat the cheese)
(Coach Malone walks out)
Coach Malone: HEY, what's going on out here
(The High Schoolers run away and all of the student come back, they all look at Rowley
with disgust)
Greg: I ate the cheese.
(everyone gasps)
Student #1: Ugh that is so gross, I guess you really are just a wimpy, supple, petit little man
after all
(Everyone walks away)
Rowly: Why did you do that
Greg: I’ve done some thinking and even though you look like Mama June, you're super
embarrassing and you smell like a wet band-aid, you're still my best friend. Oh and I’m sorry
Rowly: Oh Greg, that's all i needed to hear
(Greg and Rowly hug)
Greg: So we’re friends again?
Rowly: Oh yea
(They walk off together)
Greg: You know I’m still gonna verbally abuse you right?
Rowly: I know
THE END