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Textbook On Loving Hating and Living Well The Public Psychoanalytic Lectures of Ralph R Greenson Robert A Nemiroff Ebook All Chapter PDF
Textbook On Loving Hating and Living Well The Public Psychoanalytic Lectures of Ralph R Greenson Robert A Nemiroff Ebook All Chapter PDF
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On Loving, Hating, and Living Well
On Loving, Hating,
and Living Well
The Public Psychoanalytic Lectures
of Ralph R. Greenson
Edited by
KARNAC
First published in 1992 by International Universities Press, Inc.
“dying is fine) but Death” is reprinted from XAIPE by E.E. Cummings, edited
by George James Firmage, by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation.
Copyright 1950 by E.E. Cummings. Copyright ©1979, 1978, 1973 by Nancy T.
Andrews. Copyright ©1979, 1973 by George James Firmage. Acknowledgment
is also made to MacGibbon & Kee, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers
Limited, for permission to reprint xaipe by e.e. cummings.
ISBN: 978-1-78220-462-6
Acknowledgments IX
The Man and His Life x1
The Public Lectures x1x
Vll
Vlll CONTENTS
lX
X ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Scientific Achievements
are all about that ... apathy, boredom and depression. His
papers, the clinical vignettes, the stories he told, the examples he
chose in the literature were full of those moods and how he helped
the patient to understand [1963, pp. 27-28].
xix
XX INTRODUCTION
We have told you some things about the origins and achieve-
ments of Ralph R. Greenson, M.D., and we have outlined the
scope of the twenty-four public lectures collected for you here,
each a gem of wisdom and humor. Try to picture the man as he
approaches the lectern: confident, strong, with an energetic gait.
There is a wry, knowing smile on his face; he is already making
THE PUBLIC LECTURES XXI
emotional contact with his audience. From his first words you will
feel he wants to talk directly to you and impart his knowledge and
experience to help you. As you read these unique and entertaining
lectures, let Ralph Greenson enter your heart and mind. You
won't be sorry.
References
This was one of many lectures that Greenson gave at the School
for Nursery Years, now The Center for Early Education in Los Angeles.
Among his many interests and involvements, none was more important
to him than early childhood education and the problems of parents and
children. He believed fervently in the importance of parental education
for the prevention of emotional problems in children. In his engaging
and forthright way, he began this talk by admitting that since he had
been the speaker on so many occasions, he supposed that he was "also
responsible for much of the misunderstanding."
Among the misunderstandings that Greenson described was the
mistaken charge that psychoanalysis encouraged the excessively per-
missive, nonauthoritarian parent, or that psychoanalysis advocated
the unbridled expression of instincts on the part of children to the exclu-
sion of parental authority when it recognized parents and children as
"equal. "He described how that attitude, on the contrary, leads to an
increase in guilt, confusion, and low self-esteem in children, and he
advocated instead the principle of "limits being love. " Further, he
described how the excessively permissive parent does not realize that
1
2 ON LOVING, HATING, AND LIVING WELL
one of the most important aspects of maturing, in fact one of the most
crucial signs of being an adult, is the capacity to bear tension, to be able
to wait or postpone.
Child analysts currently describe how parents are still struggling
with the problems of permissiveness in child rearing. Parents report
considerable confusion in such areas as parental nudity, whether to
allow children to call them by their first names, or the limits that should
be set regarding behavior involving sex and drugs.
Greenson described how another misunderstanding of psy-
choanalysis in relation to child rearing is manifested by parents who
"interpret" instead of reacting normally to their children. By not
reacting, in Greenson 's opinion, such parents are avoiding normal
emotions. "People get the idea that it is wrong for a parent or friend to
be annoyed, to love, to be angry, to be envious, to be miserable, to be
depressed . ... And I say to you, it is right to be miserable and angry
and annoyed and loving when the situation calls for it." Greenson
went on to say, "the parents I have seen who were good parents, were
not parents who read the most, but parents who had this kind of trust
in their basic, everyday reactions and impulses. These were parents
who could have emotions and impulses. These were parents who could
have emotions, who could love, who could be angry, who could reward
and punish and hug and kiss and slap their kids. And these kids felt
loved and grew up pretty well." Thus, in this lecture Greenson
addressed in a moving and profound way many of the issues that tor-
ment and confuse the contemporary parent. His message that children
want and need to look up to strong and consistent parents, who can
relate to them with genuine and spontaneous emotional responses,
rings very true for the parent of today.
all this comes about from the fact that the parent is under the
impression that it must gratify every instinctual need of the child
all the time and instantly. They forget to realize that one of the
important aspects of maturing, of growing up, perhaps the most
crucial signs of being adult, is the capacity to bear tension-the
capacity to wait, to postpone. Infantile people cannot wait, can-
not bear tension nor postponing. These parents, who are so
quickly ready to gratify, who are nothing but the bearers of sup-
plies, are parents who bring up children who never learn the
capacity to postpone gratification, i.e., to grow up. This is my first
point about misunderstandings of psychoanalytic lectures.
My second point is very similar. People who go to psy-
choanalytic lectures often get the impression the psychoanalyst is
against all authority. The psychoanalyst is against all force and
coercion and discipline. These people have the notion that in
bringing up children you ought to maintain that we are all equal.
You call your child Johnny, and Johnny calls you Joe, or whatever
your first name happens to be. His friends call you by the first
name and you call them by their first name, and we are all equal.
Oh, I may be bigger and taller, but we are really the same. They
get the idea that this is what psychoanalysis tries to teach.
You know, it is important to remember some of the history of
the development of psychoanalysis. Freud, in the 1880s and
1890s, when he first began to write psychoanalytically, wrote
about the fact that most of his neurotic patients were the victims
of straitlaced, severe, cruel parents. His first case history had to
do with the effects of tyrannical parents on helpless children.
Therefore, in the first psychoanalytic writing, this point was
stressed again and again: how a cruel, stern, sadistic father had
produced a neurosis in a little child. Similarly, the first analytic
writings about the problems of sexual development, showed how
in a strict, straitlaced Victorian upbringing, children became
neurotic when they were not able to discharge their tensions and
get satisfaction for their instinctual needs. Therefore, the early
psychoanalytic writings stressed these points. However, now I
think, partly because of Freud, times have changed. People seem
to be going to the opposite extreme, where they bring up children
in this so-called pseudodemocratic way in which we are all equal,
and we vote on everything. So they say to a child, "You must do
6 ON LOVING, HATING, AND LIVING WELL
this." And the child says, "No, I don't want to." And they respond
with "okay, let's vote" or something like it. I think parents have
the right and duty to be the ones who make certain important
decisions. It makes sense that parents are supposed to know more,
and have more experience, and be wiser. And maybe we could vote
on whether a child gets a piece of candy or not, but there are many
more vital issues upon which there is no voting. I think it is hypoc-
risy and delusional to let children grow up with the notion that
they are the equal of the parent.
I have seen mothers and fathers who go out of their way to be
buddy-buddy with their children. Though analysts are generally
in favor of some quasi-equal relationship while playing, fishing,
or reading to a child, treating children as complete equals is going
too far. They are not ready for this kind of premature equality,
which only brings on guilt, anxiety, and confusion. I think this
behavior by the parents is in part due to the fact that many of
them were products of a strict authoritarian upbringing, and now
want to undo this, and give their children those liberties that they
never enjoyed themselves.
I see this fear of being authoritarian as a fear of creating
guilt feelings. There are parents who, after hearing psycho-
analysts speak, or reading a psychoanalytic book, draw the con-
clusion that you should bring up children without guilt. Don't
make the child feel guilty. That is damaging! I have seen instances
of this upbringing where the mother always minimized the
transgression. I know of a little girl who stole. She stole a
bracelet from another little girl. She was six years old. She stole
it because she liked it. She stole it because she was envious of the
other girl. She stole it because she was miserable, resented the
little girl, and so she stole it. The teacher found it and told the
mother. And then the mother said, "I know you didn't mean to
steal it." However, she did mean to steal it! She wanted to steal
it! But the mother made any response impossible for the child.
Instead of making her less guilty, she made her feel much more
guilty. This overly solicitous mother doesn't even let her child
feel appropriately guilty or angry. If this mother had cracked
her one and said, "How terrible to have stolen!" the little girl at
least could have hated her mother. Now all she could do was
keep it in and feel terribly unworthy.
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An interesting form of amnesia, not generally recognized as such, is
the loss of acquired skill in muscular movements, such as are
necessary for writing, for using tools, and for doing various delicate
professional movements. Here the motor residua acquired by
laborious education or training are gradually lost without actual
paralysis or ataxia. This variety is exquisitely illustrated by certain
cases of dementia paralytica where long before marked intellectual
symptoms occur there is loss of skill in mechanical arts and in
handwriting.
(e) Subjective sensations of heat and cold are often of the strongest
kind, and are very distressing. A part whose real objective
temperature is normal may appear to the patient's consciousness as
icy cold or burning hot, even to the degree of apparent contact of fire
(causalgia of Mitchell). We observe such sensations in posterior
spinal sclerosis, myelitis, neuritis, injuries to nerves. In some
functional cases complaint is made of patches of hot or cold skin, not
relieved by cold or heat.
(f) Odd sensations, such as rolling or longitudinal motion of
something under the skin, general or local throbbing, coition
movements, are described, especially in functional or hysteroid
cases.
If the sensory disorder does not affect the head, but is limited to one
lateral half of the body, it is, if due to organic disease, quite certainly
of spinal origin.
The definite geometric defects are classed under the general head of
hemianopsia, by which term is meant that one horizontal or vertical
half of the visual field is obscured. (1) Horizontal hemianopsia is not
bounded by a very sharp or straight boundary-line, and is almost
always due to intraocular disease (retinal lesions, embolism of one
large branch of the retinal artery, injuries, etc.). (2) Vertical
hemianopsia is usually marked by a sharply-defined vertical limit in
the visual field, passing through the point of fixation, or a little to one
side of it more usually, leaving central vision very acute. (α) Temporal
hemianopsia, in which the temporal halves of the visual fields are
dark, represents anæsthesia of the nasal halves of the retinæ, and is
usually caused by a lesion of the chiasm of the optic nerve, so
placed at its frontal or caudal edge as to injure the fasciculi cruciati.
This variety is usually bilateral, but a lesion might be so situated as
to affect only one fasciculus cruciatis. (β) Nasal hemianopsia, in
which the inner (nasal) halves of the visual fields are dark,
represents anæsthesia of the temporal halves of the retinæ, and is
caused by a lesion injuring one fasciculus lateralis or both fasciculi.
In the former case the nasal hemianopsia would be unilateral; in the
second case, bilateral or symmetrical, (γ) Lateral or homonymous
hemianopsia is that condition in which physiologically similar halves
of the visual field are darkened; for example, the temporal half-field
of the left eye and the nasal half-field of the right. This represents
anæsthesia of the nasal half of the left retina and of the temporal half
of the right. The patient can only see, with one or both eyes, the right
half of any object held directly in front of him. In such cases the
lesion is always caudad of the chiasm, and may consist in
interruption of the right optic tract, of disease of the primary optic
centres (corpus geniculatum laterale and lobus opticus) on the right
side, of the caudo-lateral part of the right thalamus, of the caudal
extension of the internal capsule or optic fasciculus within the right
occipital lobe, of the right superior parietal lobule or gyrus angularis
penetrating deep enough to interrupt the optic fasciculus; or, finally,
the lesion may injure the visual centre itself—viz. the cortex of the
right cuneus and fifth temporal gyrus (of Ecker). Hemianopsia of any
type may be incomplete or only sector-like—i.e. involving only a
quadrant or less of one visual field or of both fields. (Vide article on
Localization).