•Fools'Ebony's Dramatis Personae includes:

The Adventurer, A Dark Elf Rascal

Komon, A Priest of Akatosh
Lheban, Another Priest of Akatosh
Epilogue
Stete, A Priest of Julianos
Raic, Another Priest of Julianos
Shub, A Mage
Shub, A Different Mage of the Same Name
Nephron, A Somewhat Sleazy Merchant
5 Armorers
Ortho
Crunn, Husband of Millie
A Lusty Contessa
Millie, Innkeep and Philosopher
Gurnsey, Bovine Wench
Assorted Wenches and Cads of the Taverns
Soldiers
Dwarves
Giants
-Fools' Ebony Part The Oneth by Frincheps

•The Guild of Playwrites, Actors, and Dramatists apparent produced an infamous okay
mostly dependant on the offering of women and foodstuffs for the audience to remain
and watch it: Fool's Ebony, taking place mainly in Daggerfall and environs in the
"doldrums of the Third Era" relating two priests of Akatosh speaking with a Dark
Elf Adventurer about a possibly profitable myth popular in High Rock: Fools' Ebony.
After hearing tall between two mages, the Adventurer rests in the Dead Daedra Inn
when the dishonest and lusty Priests of Akatosh Komom and Lheban enter to
"replenish their energies" and look for "people to help", that is drink and find
appealing women. They tell the Adventurer of a name they have heard in "visions",
and with they help they remember the name to be Nackles, a famous dark elf whose
name is used by the most peculiar dark elves nowadays (instead of the "bad ones"
who are into weapons and Magicka according to Komon) The High Rock legend told in
Witches Festival or Tales and Tallows is that of the kids have been real good
during the year -- filched enough in the market, mucked out the stables every day,
not gone playing with goblins, left the sheep alone, they are safe but otherwise
they are prey to Nackles, a paler, thinner, taller Dark Elf man on a black suit
(Not Khajiit, formal and with buttons) and walks with his legs and elbows bent the
wrong way and travels across abandoned Dwarven tunnels in a mine cart across old
mine tracks pulled by goblins, black ones as opposed to the usual yellow ones. This
the Adventurer recognizes from his expedition in Fang Lair meriting a "What the
Sheogorath!" From Komon before continuing on how Nackles goes beneath the houses of
the bad kids and slids up the drainage pipes into the home to make all sorts of
mischief and blame the child, possibly leaving behind Fools' Ebony, a material
which the mages the Adventurer saw also discussed, this curiosity aside, the story
continues on how the brass or wooden toys of the bad kids are taken and the kids
themselves thrown in the hole of Nackles to work extracting lumps of Fools' Ebony
for a day and return covered in black mess and terrified or even not return at all,
and doing so often thinner and with the notion of much more time than a day having
passed and is true that Lheban has seen kids covered in pitch brought to the Temple
to be cured and cause a real scandal after Witches' Festival while the Adventurer
theorizes this might be true and that real darker dark elves may take on Nackles'
role while Lheban entertains the thought that this might take place all across
Tamriel. Finally, the Adventurer and Lheban come to the important part: An
arrangement to find out about this Fools' Ebony for profit. This part of the Play
ends with a Bard playing "Silence implies consent" in wait for the next. By
Sheogorath, To Sheogorath this or simply Sheogorath! Are used exclamations
-Fools's Ebony, Part The Oneth by Frincheps

•Raic And Stete of the Temples or Julianos and Stendarr enter and exchange friendly
words with Lheban, confusing the adventurers who considers temple priests cutthroat
competitors for gold and theological supremacy yet they are irreverent and decadent
friends (The playwrights pointing out this is part of the humor in this Comedic
Drama). The priests explain this is intentional, to share what they have and
exchange temples, positions and drinks and women… helping their work, though they
do point out they don't have anything to do with two religious organizations: The
Dark Brotherhood and the Afterdark Society. Lheban explains real ebony is very rare
and skilled mages and armorers can make all sorts of valuable items out of it and
only some Dwarven Clans dig it in great quantities though not anymore it seems as
they have been long gone since ancient times and so experienced delvers hunt for
raw ebony lodes, piles and dwarven leavings but in mines there are also more common
Fools' Ebony being almost physically similar but where Ebony is loaded with
powerful negative Magicka, it has none and is truly rather useless, making armorers
laugh at those who bring it to them, throwing it on the bay. At this, the
Adventurer, himself armed with ebony belt and katana, comments that the Mages Shub
and Shub he saw discussing the matter wanted the Fools' Ebony to make fake valuable
items in alliance with armorers and that it also can be burned like wood but
longer, without producing smoke and causing no sound, making it ideal for alchemy,
fire feeding for nobles and peasants to keep hearths and animals warm, mages to
warm their familiars, and possibly the saving of wood for siege engines and boats.
With the prospect of the riches they could make of this, the priests share the
location of a rumored deposit of Fools' Ebony on the surface high on the
Wrothgarian Mountains, which the Adventurer already knew from listening to the
Mages, he agrees (should the priests supply him) to explore the mountains and
uncover this deposit for them and him exclusively and so is their deal sealed and
they agree to start after gathering more information and meeting again at the same
place a week after in order to also find a merchant to manage the trade of the
stuff once they find it. In the end, the playwright urges the audience to recall
that this is a work of fiction created by one of the finest writers of the asylum,
Frincheps, Archprince of All Sumurset. There is no such thing as Fools' Ebony.
Furthermore, Ebony is not mined as the priests have described the process. Lheban
is also revealed to be officially The Keeper of the Books and the Adventurer is
said to have six fingers and have lost most of his possessions to a battle with an
evil mage and a previous shipwreck…
-Fools' Ebony Part The Twoeth by Frincheps

•After a brief introduction on what has happened until now and the clarification
that Fools Ebony isn't real and real Ebony is not mined, our Dark Elf Rogue enters
the Mages Guild and talks with one mage, Shub, who declares that nothing is to be
hidden among mages before quickly making a privacy spell around them once the elf
mentions Fools Ebony and invites another friend among the mages, Shub. The elf
explains how he has an ebony katana of lightning along with an amulet and belt of
ebony and has seen ebony come and go through his hands but recently has heard of
the so-called Fools Ebony that is almost identical but with no magic and claim that
he overheard some priests talk about a rich location of it in the Wrothgarian
Mountains… At this and in fear of having the fake Ebony acquired by the priests
first, they surrender all they know and the map to the location of the ebony as
they list the already mentioned possibilities for profit out of this and also
curiously mention how "just think how Daedra Seducers love a nice warm fire ...
Giving smoldering lumps to the peasants to warm their hovels with -- in return for
some gold, of course…" before the adventurers agrees to learn the location of the
false ebony and secure it for them alongside a trustworthy merchant he will find to
establish commercial routes for the stuff and also declare his admiration for the
wisdom of mages. The adventurer surmises that he will beforend and misdirect the
priests and then get the Fools' Ebony for the Mages under threat of summoning a
Fire Daedra on him should he commit treachery but demands gold for the costs of the
travel equipment to face the dangers and the Mages do give him 500 gold pieces as
he disuades them from accompanying him on the journey with the words "there's
nothing like the wilderness life. Waking up with the sun, shaking off the frost.
Catching an orc for breakfast - ever have orc guts fried over stinkwood? Oh, that's
a treat! Checking each stream for dead giant spiders - or live ones! Imp jerky for
lunch! Scanning the ridges for dragonlings! Standing guard against Ice Daedra in a
blinding snowstorm! Oh, what a life!" And so what seems to be his plot continues
uninterrupted. It's also worth noting that the Mages shrug at giving away gold
"after all, they can always make more" which is something they supposedly must keep
secret and for this, Shub burns Shub to ash and then reconstitutes him.
-Fools' Ebony Part The Threeth by Frincheps

•After explaining once more about Fools' Ebony to a merchant named Nephron in his
general store, the Adventurer gets another "ally" for whom to find the Ebony who
comments he will have the temples as junior partners since the School of Julianos
already works with the merchants but the initiative and unpredictability of the
Akatosh Chantry will be a problem, at which the Adventurer proposes getting
Condessa, a royal disguised as poor to live a "real life", sexually harassed by a
drunk Komon so as to cause the chantry to fall in disfavor with the royals and thus
bring them under submission when the merchants offer them cooperation in the Fools'
Ebony trade. Nephron then comments how he sells "spiritual powders" to the
waterfront Komon and company frequent and agrees, also mentioning he will present
to the adventurer some of the more important members of his brotherhood… guild!
next day before leaving nervously while the Adventurer comments how it is no longer
safe after dark. Finally, some armorers come and beat the Adventurer revealing they
have been watching him and know how he is double-crossing both priests and mages,
threatening to reveal the truth to them, commenting how the priests would have him
thrown to the Afterdark Society and the Mages would send him to Oblivion if he
doesn't agree to cooperate with their guild to find the false ebony for them, since
they anyway are in the way of convincing Nephron to be their partner in the
enterprise. The Adventurer agrees and is given a tall, strong but stupid guard to
follow him, Ortho, and at this he remembers his father used to say that the worst
thing that can happen to one is spending an evening with s politician and reflects
this might be a close second. Curiously, Ortho reminds the adventurer of someone
else he met in Morrowind.
-Fools' Ebony, Part The Fourth by Frincheps

•Finally, the Adventurer and Ortho meet again with the priests as Lheban explains
Komon's fate of having taken a disguised royal, being pursued and finally killed,
likely drowned in the bottom of the bay. Then Riac and Stete join them to reveal
that royalty shuns the Akatosh Chantry now and has removed it's exemption from
taxation. Raic offers Lheban the School of Julianos help the Chantry in it's time
of need in exchange for extra benefits in the deal with the Dark Elf and they
accept as the Adventurer promises restoration of the relation with the royals
through the Fake Ebony trade but in the process asks for 10,000 and receives 8,000
gold pieces to reinforce his expedition though Lheban does slip a bit of curious
information by mentioning his "brotherhood" instead of his Chantry… As the priest
leave with some pink and green powders for an orgy they insist is a theological
enlightening of a Dame, the Adventurer informs Nephron he got 5,000 gold pieces and
Nephron in turn informs him that the Mages Shub and Shub seemingly disappeared,
making their proceeding from now on more simple, though both ignore they are being
watched by one who seems to be a royal agent. By the Arms of Zenithar is an
exclamation used by the priests. 'Vendigao and Her Lover' is an statue of some sort
of gargoyle and harpy on Daggerfall and near the city is an abandoned temple on
"Edward's Mountain" used as theological (Rather, Sanguine) retreat by priests to
meet women. This part ends with the Bard's rendition of the Nordic classic "Alas,
The Fleeting Years Glide By."
-Fools' Ebony Part The Fiveth by Frincheps

•After the Bard sings the classic "Hail and Farewell", the Play continues, this
time divided in scenes starting with one in the Adventurer's suit, though in the
interest of common decency, this scene has been abbreviated from the original by
order of the Guild of Playwrights, Actors, and Dramatists. It now contains little
material of relevance. A full copy may be obtained from the playwright after the
show for a mere 50 g.p. Scene 1 begins as Aveet Videspreed, another's Contessa and
cousin of the one previously killed, comes in while Ortho sleeps and after some
censored comments on the sexual habits of her family she has some "fun" with the
Adventurer and helps him heal his wounds after an street fight including two mages,
informs that a bounty has been placed on his head and reveals she was likely a
bastard since she has unusual magic skill and red hair. While her brothers sutiles
Advanced Floral Theory, she learned Illusion and combat hand to hand and with
knives as well as Old Dwarvish (Though no one has seen or spoken to a dwarf in a
long time) and the High Elven Tradition. She seeks ways to come up on top of
businesses with her boring family and have some fun, and having investigated this
dark elf, believes that by working together they can both benefit and put aside
Mages and Armorers and Merchants and Priests. Scene 2 starts with Ave commenting
she loves "a bucolic frolic" as they arrive in Minnie's Inn on the way to the
Wrothgarian Mountains where old scholars of Dwarven Lore she befriended have
established an inn. There, Nephron and the Armorers' men are poisoned with an old
dwarven recipe and Ortho finds a woman as big and stupid as he, chosing to go away
with her and thus allowing the Adventurer and the Condessa to continue alone to the
site in the mountains, also the personal guard of Ave led by Captain Boodnok and
dressed on Khajiit suits arrive and inform that they have secured the area but feel
something is watching them, with the old Inn Keepers claiming it's dwarves finally
having awakened or returned to claim all the Ebony. In any event, the Adventurer
and the Condessa go up the mountain to claim the Fools' Ebony, the Adventurer also
uses the classic exclamation "By the Lady!". In Scene 3 the Adventurer is exhausted
from mining and Bloodnok appears to inform that the dwarves are indeed here and
have overwhelmed his men, escaping on orders of the Contessa to let her talk to
them. This exchange, as written, is as follows:
Contessa: Hhjgys jjvvu klpss Jjqqx zzyzx.

Dwarves (Together): Jjpoo Kalagloo gashnoo bibloo franoo Xxnadoo

Contessa: Jnik? Balpo?

Dwarves (Together): Gabloo! Wazzikoo! Eppapupu!

Contessa: Glooky, glooky, glooky.

The Contessa explains to the Adventurer that she has impressed them with knowing
some of their remarkably compact tongue and they seem to say they have awoken
recently and want three things: Ale, women and the Fools' Ebony let alone. The
first two she promises on Minnie's Inn below and they explain the Fools' Ebony is
part of a larger scheme for it belongs to the lords of Oblivion and the Dwarves
mere are it's caretakers. They will destroy what's on the surface claiming it
shouldn't be exposed there but will let them live if they obey. The Adventurer
exclaims n"By Sheogorath's Roaring Buttocks!" But finds himself having to comply.
Scene 4 takes place in the Inn as the old scholars and the dwarves have an
exchange:
Minnie: ... ga ... sszx ... spnoo? ...

Crunn: ... glurky ...

Dwarves (Together): Jotcha potchka lazzo lanni joopy hoopy qui me amat, amat et
canem meam
And the Adventurer and Contessa surmise that after what appears to be some sort of
long sleep, they are thirsty for their lovely ale and give them as much as they can
until they fall comatose, allowing them to take their stuff as bounty and flee into
the winter since the Ebony weapons of the Adventurer apparently couldn't damage
them as they were the ones who fashioned ebony itself and thus they could somehow
deactivate it's power. At scene 5 in the cold, they face and kill a giant but being
creatures that hunt in groups, more follow and find themselves forced to enter it's
bowels to hide knowing living giants don't touch their dead, at this the Adventurer
exclaims "Curse Sheogorath!" And the Contessa: " Poppydash and Baldercock!" But at
the end both go inside and it's warm interior slows them to survive and eventually
get back to the Dead Daedra Inn. In-between scenes, the Bard plays "Whither Goest
Thou?" If the scenarists take too long, he also plays "For Further Consideration."
And finally Scene 6 plays out: After a good bath, the Contessa informs her
companion that she had arranged for the Merchants and Armorers to forget about the
Fools' Ebony with the royals and informs him that news have arrived that some
priests at an abandoned temple in Edward's Mountain have been found death by
intoxication with Bad Green Powder and the Shub mages remain missing. Thus they
rest easy and unload their bounty: lRings, torcs, bracers, belts, helms All solid
old ebony taken from the dwarves and charged with titanic amounts of Magicka the
adventurer can feel may mean they have at least a thousand uses. The Contessa
remarks the presence of Bracers of Extreme Endurance and a Belt of Strength, urging
her partner in crime to put them on for celebration...The play ends with the bard's
rendition of the Khajiiti classic, "It's A Matter of Luck."
-Fools' Ebony Part The Sixth by Frincheps