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Table of Contents
Dedication

Magnolia: Don’t Trip The Bride

1. | The Blow Job Incident

2. | Shrödinger’s Cat

3. | Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend

4. | A Good Run And Naked Yoga

5. | Deodorant Cans And Exes

6. | Peaches And Cream

7. | Defluffication

8. | To Slay A Dragon

9. | Murder On The Dance Floor

10. | Downward Doggy

11. | Inconspicuous

12. | Swing When You’re Winning

13. | To Catch A Thief

14. | Bachelorettes

15. | Dick Measuring Contest

16. | Whodunnit?

17. | Naughty Or Nice?

18. | Mayochup, Guns And Former ... Strippers?

19. | Rock, Paper, Scissors

20. | Don’t Trip The Bride – Part One

21. | Don’t Trip The Bride — Part Two

Epilogue | Two Girls, One Cup

To Todd and Dani and The Junktones, rocking with you guys
is one of my favorite memories.

To our friends Dog Girl, rock and roll doesn't get any crazier
than that!
 Magnolia: Don’t Trip The Bride
COPYRIGHT © 2020 MELISSA Adams
Published by Melissa Adams

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be

reproduced/transmitted/distributed in any form. No part of this
publication shall be shared by any means including photocopying,
recording, or any electronic/mechanical method, or the Internet,
without prior written consent of the author. Cases of brief quotations
embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses
permitted by copyright law are the exception. The unauthorized
reproduction/transmitting of this work is illegal. This book is a work
of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places,
events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products
of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

DESCRIPTION :
Butter my butt and call me a biscuit!
Magnolia is delighted when she’s asked to be the maid of honor
in her best friend’s wedding.
But Jen’s wedding won’t be the only one you’ll go to this year
because Max, Blake and Porter are planning a proposal of their own.
All they have to do is decide who gets to pop the question. That’s
what rock, paper, scissors is for, right?
But not everything is peaches and cream for our klutzy southern
belle and her friends.
Meet Magnolia’s dad and her mom-ricane.
 What happens when Gemma’s ex Peaches comes back to town
determined to steal back her heart?
You’ll have to come to the wedding of the year in Silver Springs
to find out but for all that’s holy, don’t trip the bride!
**Don’t Trip The Bride is Magnolia’s sequel a contemporary story
within the Silver Springs shared universe, books can be read in any
order but Magnolia must be read before this story.
Scroll up to read this steamy, contemporary RH with a sprinkle of
magic today.
 1.
The Blow Job Incident

Magnolia

“OPEN WIDE, MA’AM,” the dentist says smiling behind his face mask,
his eyes creasing with the action.
I comply, closing my eyes and trying to relax on the chair but it’s
easier said than done, isn’t it? After all I’m not the only one who
hates the dentist, I’m sure the poor dude must be used to nervous
patients all the darn time.
“Ok, so I see why you’re here. Your top left incisor is slightly
chipped. But it’s nothing too serious, I can file it down and we’ll be
done in seconds.”
“... han ... ou ... oc ... or.” My attempt to thank the doctor with
my mouth wide open doesn’t go very well, so I pipe right down
letting Porter’s friend do his job.
Doctor Katsura wasn’t lying, it really doesn’t take him a long time
to fix my temporarily crooked smile and the procedure is thankfully
painless.
When we’re done, I thank the dentist properly but I’m antsy to
leave the practice as soon as possible without making any small talk.
I don’t want to give the guy any chance to ask me what happened.
Because ... yeah, we ain’t going there.
I’m not just klutzy, I’m also mighty unlucky because the guy
follows me outside to the front office. “You were the last
appointment of the morning, Magnolia. I was really looking forward
to meeting you, Porter and the guys can’t talk about anything else
than their gorgeous girlfriend and I can’t blame them now that I
have you in front of me.”
Max warned me that their friend Hiroshi is a huge flirt, so I think
nothing of his compliments and stop by the reception desk, taking
out my insurance card.
“Oh no, Magnolia that’s absolutely not necessary. The guys are
like brothers to me, so the procedure is on the house. And actually,
it was gonna be a surprise but I can’t wait to share the news. As you
might know, I recently came back from Japan where I qualified as a
ramen master. My parents would kill me if I didn’t practice as a
dentist after putting me through school but ramen are my real
passion and we’re opening a ramen restaurant in the Katsura
Garden’s compound. You guys are all invited to the opening night.”
I smile enthusiastically and thank him for both the free dental
work and the invitation. “Ramen are one of my favorite things to eat,
thank you so much—” I keep blabbering while still moving toward
the door, fixing to fill the time with inconsequential chatter until I
can safely make an exit.
And I almost think I managed to leave without further
embarrassment ... almost.
I practically have one foot out of the door when Hiroshi places a
gentle hand on my forearm, effectively stopping me from leaving.
“Anyway, glad I could be of help today. But let me ask you: what
happened? How did you chip your tooth?”
Goddangit! Just when I thought I’d made it out of here!
I open my mouth to speak but I close it immediately again
because there’s no way I can tell my boyfriends’ bestie that I
chipped my front tooth trying to give Max a blow job.
I feel redness beginning to rise to my cheeks and opt for a non-
committal “I slipped”, which is the truth.
Hiroshi looks at me with a hint of suspicion that there might be
more to my story but thankfully he doesn’t inquire any further and I
step out of his dental practice with a sigh of relief.
 I text Max that everything is fixed and I’m walking the few blocks
back home to pick up Frank, because Jennie and Gemma invited me
to lunch and I know they’d never forgive me if I didn’t bring our little
guy with me.
As soon as I open the door, I freeze in place, perplexed not to be
greeted by my little ball of fur who always acts as if I’d been missing
for years even if I leave the house just for an hour.
But this time I get no such greeting, no greeting at all. Frank is
nowhere to be seen.
“Frankie!” I call out. “Where’s my baby boy?” Nothing, the house
is eerily quiet and I walk to all of Frank’s usual hiding spots to finally
find him upstairs in my bedroom, curled up in his dog bed by the
side of one of the nightstands.
The little yorkie’s ears are down and I immediately see the guilt
in his big brown eyes.
The first thing I do is to check that my little magpie hasn’t stolen
anything else but there’s nothing in his dog bed or in his mouth, so
my puppy must really be feeling guilty about my tooth.
Our eyes meet exactly the same way they did yesterday morning
and I don’t have it in my heart to be mad at him, so I place a soft
kiss on his head. “We’re fine, Frankie Panky. Just stop stealing every
shiny thing you see, baby. It makes Mommy terrified that one day
you might choke on something and get really hurt.”
Sometimes I swear that Frank understands English because the
puppy lifts his gaze to mine and wags his tail, licking my hand and
responding with a little “Woof” of agreement as if he promised never
to steal from me again.
“Ok then you’re forgiven, baby. I’ll let your daddies know that
you’re gonna be a good boy from now on.”
But our truce is short lived because as soon as I put Frank down,
he runs to my side of the bed and returns with one of my new
slippers covered in silver boa feathers in his mouth.
“Frank!” I shriek, “put that down!”
I swear to God, that dog thinks this is a game because he briefly
wags his tail at me and takes off running out of the bedroom and
down the stairs like a bolt of fuzzy lightning.
 I immediately give chase without thinking but I stop dead in my
tracks one instant later, thinking that this type of reaction is exactly
what landed me in the dentist’s chair this morning.
I slow my pace.
Breathe, Magnolia, breathe. Hold your dang horses and stay out
of trouble, I tell myself as I descend the stairs one at a time, holding
onto the bannister for balance.
I’ve gotta admit that I’m mighty pleased with myself for catching
a potential source of trouble before things got out of hand, unlike
yesterday morning.
Yes, because I mean seriously, what woman would chip a tooth
trying to give her boyfriend a “good morning blow job?”
Yours truly is the answer.
Porter and Blake actually laughed when they heard about it. And
I almost got mad at Max for telling them but he actually hadn’t until
the guys had noticed my chipped tooth at dinner and asked about it.
Ok, I suppose I might as well fess up with y’all too.
Yesterday morning I woke up in Max’s arms. We both had the
day off, so we hadn’t set an alarm, planning to let our bodies wake
up naturally and then go out for a run together.
Blake and Porter were both at work on an early shift and as soon
as I opened my eyes, I realized that we had the house to ourselves.
I did my best to let Max sleep but what’s a girl to do when your
boyfriend’s impressive and deliciously hard morning wood is pressing
against your stomach?
My first thought was to climb him like a Koala bear would the
trunk of a eucalyptus tree but then I thought that it was better to
start with a little bit of foreplay and had slid down underneath the
covers and wrapped my hand around his hard shaft.
I had tugged my hand up and down a couple of times, feeling
him harden even more in my grasp. His breathing was still even, his
face peaceful like a sleepy Norse god.
I couldn’t resist the temptation to slide further under the covers
and licked my lips in anticipation of taking Max’s huge cock in my
mouth.
 I did just that, running my tongue along the underside of his
shaft, teasing the velvety skin right under his tip.
A deep moan reached me from above and his dick twitched
against the bridge of my mouth. That was my cue to start sucking
and running my tongue up and down his length, giving him a
vigorous massage.
“Oh, Baby ...” His deep voice rumbled as he moved the covers off
of me and his strong hand came to tangle with my hair.
I was sliding Max in and out of my mouth with gusto, spurred on
by his encouraging moans when ... I made eye contact.
But not with Max’s dark blue eyes, no ma’am. Those were closed
in ecstasy as I sucked him off.
My eyes met Frank’s beady brown eyes all the way across the
bed as he too was licking something in his dog bed.
And just in case you think that Frank was licking his bits, you’d
be dead wrong. The little thief was licking a shiny, round, silver
object that he was holding between his front paws.
I narrowed my eyes while still keeping my tempo on Max. I
wasn’t wearing my contacts and it took me a second to put that
image into focus.
Mothertrucker!
My puppy had stolen my nurse watch brooch that Porter had
given me a few months ago as a graduation present.
I started yelling at my puppy, but I dare you all to form any
coherent words with a nine inch cock lodged deep in your throat.
So the only sound that came out was a strangled noise.
“Ahrggggle ...”
That caused Max to try and withdraw, worried that I must be
chocking on his huge dick.
“Baby, are you ok?”
I was leaning on the mattress on three limbs, basically keeping
myself precariously balanced with one hand while my other hand
was still stroking Max. His sudden movement caused me to slip
forward face planting on the soft memory foam of the mattress. But
the shock of feeling the ground literally being ripped from
underneath me, made me clench all my muscles including the ones
in my jaw, causing me to grit my teeth so hard that when I kept
slipping forward I gasped like a fish out of water and my teeth
chattered.
There and then I hadn’t realized that my fall had caused some
damage. Max had lovingly checked on me.
“I’m fine. Frank has my watch brooch!”
“I’ve got him!” Max had promised and we both began chasing the
puppy around the house in our birthday suits.
My chest was heaving by the time we managed to catch my dog
and retrieve his loot.
I only realized that I’d chipped my tooth later on, in front of the
bathroom mirror as I was putting my hair in a ponytail ready to go
jogging with Max.
 2.
Shrödinger’s Cat

Magnolia

I STOP IN FRONT OF my old condo and ring the doorbell, looking

sternly at Frank who’s standing by my side, still attached to his
leash.
“I know you miss Jen, Frankie. But we’ve talked about this. Don’t
do anything to embarrass Mommy, like pee on Auntie Gemma’s
carpet or hump her teddy bear collection. We’re gonna be on best
behavior today, right?”
Frank looks at me rather sheepishly, one of his perky ears
flopping down awkwardly, which is a nervous tick of his every time
he thinks he’s in trouble.
Last time we were here he did the two things I just warned him
against; he peed on Gemma’s new expensive oriental rug and then
stole one of the teddy bears Jen’s girlfriend keeps on my old bed and
began to hump it frantically.
“Hey Mags, Frankie boy!” Gemma is the one who opens the door,
looking pretty in a set of yoga pants and an emerald green tunic that
hugs her toned curves in all the right places. “You can use your
keys, Mags, you know? Jennie and I don’t mind.”
I smile at my bestie’s girlfriend. Gemma and I work together at
Silver Springs Memorial where she’s doing her residency and after a
somewhat rocky start, when I thought that she liked Porter, we
became really good friends. I couldn’t be more delighted that her
relationship with Jen is going well, I can see how happy Gemma
makes my bestie and I can’t help but love her for it.
I follow Gemma into the living room with Frank still on the leash
but as soon as we advance into the room, the puppy pulls sharply on
it and I let it go mostly out of surprise.
“Mother of pearl! Frank, what the heck’s gotten into you?” I
squeal chasing my dog all the way into the kitchen where Jen is
standing by the fridge, looking up.
“Come on, Shreddie, come down. Just be a good kitty and don’t
make Mommy beg.”
I follow her gaze and spot a long haired, grey cat with white
socks that’s perched up on top of the fridge. The creature is looking
down at us, lazily moving her long tail and meowing, through
narrowed eyes.
“Who’s that?” I ask.
“Hey babe.” Jen hugs me tight before explaining. “Gemma and I
decided we needed to start a family, so we rescued a cat. Remember
the cat shelter down by the ice cream factory? That’s where we got
Shreddie last week. The poor thing has some trust issues though,
and prefers to stay perched on top of furniture and out of our way.
She only comes down to eat, but just if no one’s around.”
“That’s an interesting name, Shreddie?”
Jen explains, “Well, her original name is Shrödinger’s cat,”
“That’s quite a mouthful.” I observe.
“She was owned by a retired physicist who couldn’t take her with
him to the nursing home. Plus, the first thing she did when we
brought her home was to claw every soft piece of furniture and the
living room curtains, shredding them quite badly. So we think that
Shreddie really fits her.”
I giggle at the witty name but the laughter dies in my throat
when a deep howl breaks the silence in the kitchen.
“Frank?”
I look at my puppy, bewildered that a tiny, sweet looking creature
like him could emit such a feral noise. Frank howls again, standing
on his hind legs and perching himself up on the fridge door to try
and get a better look at the cat.
“What’s up, little dude?” Jen asks, “Never seen a cat before?”
I think about it and muse, “You know what, Jennie? I don’t think
he’s actually been this close to a cat yet.”
“Meow ...” Shreddie taunts Frank, causing him to howl
desperately, wagging his tail at the feline.
I crouch down, petting my puppy’s head. “Frankie boy, I don’t
think that kitty wants to be your friend. She’s new to the house and
maybe she’s scared. Just let her be for now, let’s go, Jennie can’t
wait to give you a cuddle.”
Frank doesn’t take any notice of me and keeps his attention
focused on the cat, trying to jump as high as he can, but obviously
he doesn’t realize that he has no chance of reaching Shreddie.
“Hey Frankie, look what I’ve got for you, your favorite chewy
chewy.” Jen attempts to coax him with his favorite treats but my dog
is so obsessed with the new, exotic creature on top of the fridge,
that not even appealing to his gluttony works.
In the end, we decide to leave the two animals to their own
devices because really, there’s no chance for Frank to ever reach the
cat and we aren’t worried about any potential scuffle.
“Wow Jennie, that’s a real feast!” I gush at the gorgeous spread
on the dining room table.
There’s an asparagus and cherry tomato frittata, slices of
cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto and a fluffy red onion and
rosemary focaccia.
“I’m not the one you should thank, babe. I’m the luckiest girl in
the world. Gemma isn’t just smoking hot, she’s also an amazing
cook.”
I love the way my bestie looks at her girlfriend and the look of
adoration Gemma gives her in return.
“So,” I say putting down my fork after a delicious lunch
dominated by Jen’s tale of a shipment of dildos gone wrong at the
Magical Rooster. “You two have been dating for six months now.
You’ve got Shreddie, I’m so happy to see that things are working
between you.”
 Gemma smiles, blushing at my remark. “Cronuts! I almost forgot
the cronuts! I went to Buttercup’s bakery especially to get your
favorite treat, Mags.” She gets up, running to the kitchen, looking
rather nervous and I look at Jen.
“Is she all right? She seems really flustered all of a sudden. Did I
say something wrong? Things are going well between you, right?”
Jen nods, blushing too. What the heck is going on? My bestie is
normally one of the most confident, unflappable people you can
come across, so for a second I really worry that something’s amiss.
Especially when she excuses herself to go help Gemma with the
cronuts.
I mean, how many girls does it take to plate a cronut? Seriously.
“Ok,” Jen says appearing back in the dining room with Gemma at
her side. “There’s a reason why we asked you here to lunch today.
There’s something Gemma and I would like to ask you.”
The two women are standing in the dining room with their hands
behind their backs, both looking increasingly more flustered.
Shiitake Mushrooms! Jen told me that Gemma used to have a
crush on me when I first started at Silver Springs Memorial and that
once she drunkenly said that she’d have loved a threesome with me
and Jen.
Now she’s looking at me with hopeful brown eyes, almost
reminding me of Frank when he begs for a treat.
“Uhm girls, I—”
Both women put their left hands forward showing me two
sparkling diamond rings.
I squeal jumping off of my chair, a little bit because of the
surprise and a little bit out of relief that they aren’t asking me to
have sex with them. Not that I don’t think that they’re gorgeous but
when it comes to the old horizontal mambo, I’m afraid that I’m as
straight as an arrow.
“Magnolia Marie Kinsella,” Jen says solemnly, smiling from ear to
ear. “Will you be our maid of honor?”
“Omg, yes!” I shout, hugging my bestie and her fiancée and
jumping around like a maniac with them in tow. “One bajillion times
yes!”
 When we finally calm down, I admire their engagement rings.
They’re both large diamonds, mounted in platinum bands. The
difference is in the cut. Jen’s ring is a drop or pear shape while
Gemma’s is a rectangular princess cut.
“They’re beautiful! Congratulations, girls. So have you got a date
for the wedding?”
Jen nods. “In exactly three months, Mags. I’ve always wanted to
be a May bride and spring is my favorite season in Silver Springs.”
“So you’re getting married here in town?”
Gemma explains that it’s easier that way, since both girls are
locals. “We’ll leave the exotic locations for our honeymoon but I’m
super excited about spending the rest of my life with the most
beautiful, most perfect woman in the whole world.”
Gosh, I love the way Gemma looks at my bestie! I know those
two will make each other incredibly happy.
But the surprises for today aren’t over. When I ask them about
where the ceremony will take place, the couple informs me that
they’ll get married right here in the backyard but they asked Debbie
if they could have their engagement party in her backyard. “It’s
where we first met and we thought it’d be so romantic to get
engaged there. Debbie was very excited to help us, so that’s been
pretty easy. We’re deciding on a catering company for the wedding
and we need to find someone to officiate. Neither of us is religious,
so we’re weighing our options.”
We chat about wedding details and the time flies so quickly that I
only realize how long I’ve been sitting in my old condo, when my
phone pings with three text messages, one from each of my men.
Dinner’s ready and they’re wondering where Frank and I are at.
“I have to go, Jennie. Max is making lasagna and I can’t miss it.
I’ll see you at the weekend, ok? We can go out for a coffee and talk
about your engagement party and my bridesmaid dress. I’m so
frigging excited!” I rise from my seat and walk toward the kitchen to
retrieve Frank, suddenly worried about the silence coming from the
room.
There’s no more howling nor meowing to be heard but nothing
could prepare me for the scene that awaits me as I enter my old
kitchen.
Frank and Shreddie are asleep in the cat’s bed, both balled up
like two fuzzy donuts, their little noses touching sweetly.
“Aww, look at them! They made friends,” I comment, making Jen
sigh with relief.
“Babe, could you leave Frank here for a couple of days? Seriously
I haven’t seen that cat leave the top of the fridge unless it was to
cause destruction around the house. It seems that Frankie calmed
her down.”
I agree to leave Frank with her, amused at how my puppy seems
to be enamored with the little grey feline.
 3.
Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend

Porter

I ENTER COSMIC GEMS in a rush, I hate it when I’m running late. I

had my foot practically out of the door when a lady walked into the
ER with her teen son who’d fallen out of a tree and smashed one
side of his face on the concrete of their driveway.
Everyone else was busy, so I got stuck helping out until one of
my colleagues could take over.
I spot my brothers and my mother huddled in front of a counter
and it’s immediately obvious that they’re engrossed in an animated
discussion.
“I think we should stay traditional and go with a diamond.” I hear
Blake say.
“But look at that blue sapphire ring. I think that would look
stunning on Magnolia’s finger.” It’s Max’s opinion.
“I like that pink diamond,” Mom chimes in. “It’s so girly and you
know pink’s Magnolia’s favorite color. After all remember that it’s her
engagement ring and she’s gonna wear it, not you two.”
I approach them cautiously, I’ve just finished a double shift and
I’m tired. Truth be told, right now I wish I could go home, eat dinner
and have an early night with my girl in my arms.
There’s no better feeling than the weight of Magnolia’s head on
my chest and her touch. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had
but having her in my arms always makes everything right in my
world.
Mom’s the first one to spot me. “Hey Por Por. You all right, baby?
You look tired.”
Never one for subtlety, my mother. But she’s right, so I don’t take
offense and wrap her in my arms instead.
Our relationship has improved tremendously since she finally
buried the hatchet and accepted my feelings for Magnolia and I’m
always delighted to see how well the two most important women in
my life get along.
I immediately spot the ring I want to get to propose to Magnolia:
it’s a huge amber mounted on a rose gold band.
“But amber is a semi-precious stone, darling. It’s hardly
engagement ring material,” Mom objects immediately. “What about
that gorgeous pink diamond? I’m sure Magnolia would love it.”
“Aww, Mom!” I groan in frustration. “We invited you along to help
us out of our standstill and be the tie breaker. Not to add another
option to the fucking list.”
“Porter Adam Stevens!” Mom immediately scolds me. “There’s no
reason for that foul language. I’ll get your point all the same if you
express yourself with the manners I know I taught you.”
“Ha ha, dispshit.” Blake gloats but I can’t help a smirk when Mom
narrows her eyes at my best friend.
“The fact that your own mother isn’t here doesn’t mean that you
can dispense with manners, young man.”
I can’t hide my satisfied smirk when Blake lowers his gaze and
mutters a contrite, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Are you two done fighting like cats and dogs?” Max intervenes
and then turns to Mom. “Debbie, that’s exactly why we asked you
here. We can’t decide on the perfect ring to propose with. We know
we want to spend the rest of our lives with the woman of our
dreams, we agree on everything but the fucki— sorry, the actual
ring. We’ve been back and forth countless times and I think by now
the shop owners must be sick of seeing us come here to argue
about it. This is why we decided to enlist a woman’s help and since
you and Mags have become quite close ...”
 Debbie’s expression suddenly turns serious. “You boys never fail
to shock me, I swear to God. You argue about the ring but have you
thought about the fact that you can’t all marry her? That only one of
you can do it? Or has that not crossed your minds?”
I wrap one arm around Mom’s shoulders. “Yeah, we know that
Mom. We’ve decided to have a commitment ceremony, something
that will bind us together regardless of the law.”
She looks disappointed. “So none of you will actually marry her?”
I shake my head. “No, we will. Once we propose, if she says yes,
we’ll discuss this with Mags. If she has a preference on who she
wants to be legally married to, we’ll go with that.”
Mom still looks skeptical. “But what if she can’t choose? Seriously
baby, that girl has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. God knows I was
worried about your unconventional situation but I’ve been around
you four enough to see that she truly loves each of you with all her
heart. I don’t think it’s fair to ask her to choose.”
I see her point but this isn’t how the guys and I see it and I
explain. “It’s ok, Mom. We don’t really expect her to choose but we
don’t want to take the choice off the table in case she has a
preference on whose name she wants on the marriage certificate.
But if like you say, she won’t be able to choose, we have a way to let
fate decide.”
Mom closes her eyes, shaking her head at our antics. “Please
don’t tell me you’re going to play rock, paper, scissors at your
wedding.”
I chuckle at her concern. That’s how we used to settle any
dispute when we were kids.
“No, Mom. We’ve decided to let fate choose for us. We’re keeping
score of how many times each of us rescues Magnolia from her
frequent little mishaps. The one who has the highest score by our
wedding day, gets to be her husband on paper.”
“Strange but fair, I guess.” She sighs. “So, since you boys are so
“zen” about the most important thing, how is it possible that you
can’t decide on a ring? And have you considered the possibility of
proposing without one and then bringing Magnolia here and letting
her pick her favorite ring?”
 I sigh. “We discussed it at length, Mom. We want to have a ring,
it doesn’t feel like a real proposal without one. And since the actual
ceremony won’t have any real legal value aside from the one of us
who’ll get to sign a marriage certificate, we don’t want her to feel
that this isn’t real for us. A ring will be something tangible from the
first moment, something to tell our woman that we really mean it.”
Mom thinks about it for a moment. “How about a ring with three
stones? One stone to represent each of you.”
“We thought about it,” I explain, shaking my head. “The stones
each of us likes are too different. They don’t match and I’ve seen
what kind of jewelry Magnolia likes. She’s pretty traditional and she
likes understated chic. So we want the stone to be a solitaire.”
“Well, unless the three of you can find a compromise, it looks like
you’re stuck. If you really can’t agree with one another, I suggest
you go with the classic and choose a diamond ring.”
“Ha! Told ya!” Blake beams at my mother and I’m about to retort
something when one of the shop owners finally approaches us.
Cosmic Gems is owned by a set of triplets and God help me, I
can never tell if I’m looking at Saphi, Ceru or Azu.
“Gentlemen, if nothing in store finds you in agreement, have you
considered a custom piece? We can design and have made pretty
much anything.”
We explain our dilemma and Saphi – I finally spot his name tag –
has just the perfect solution.
“I think you want one of our “mood rings”.”
I immediately protest. “I’m not proposing with a ring I can get
from the claw machine at the arcade. We need something—”
“Let me explain, sir. You’d get a diamond ring, with a diamond
certificate and everything. The special feature of our mood ring is a
microchip in the ring shank. Normally we calibrate it to change color
according to the wearer’s mood but since I understand you have an
unusual “situation”, we could program it for the stone to change
color depending on which fiancé is at your loved one’s side. You can
have the stone turn an amber color when you’re with your fiancée, it
can be a clear diamond when Officer Hunk is with her and a
sapphire when—”
 We all love the idea and make arrangements to have the perfect
ring made. We just come to a standstill when it comes to ring size.
None of us has any idea of what’s Magnolia’s size. We just know that
she has small, delicate hands.
“Not to worry, boys.” Mom smiles. “I just have the perfect way to
measure her finger without her suspecting a thing.”
We leave the store excited about having made a decision. My
heart is full of hope that Magnolia will want to marry us and I can’t
wait to ask her.
I voice my excitement. “I have the perfect romantic spot to ask
her,” I say as we walk back to our cars. “The hot springs at the
Katsura gardens, where we had our first kiss.”
Of course I shouldn’t be surprised when Blake immediately
disagrees. “Hold on a second, dude! Why should we propose where
you had your first kiss with her? I took her to the new sky bar and
we had a blast. She loved that place, we danced on the table and it
was a magical night. We should take her there at sunset and buy a
bottle of their best champagne and—”
Max decides to chime in. “Well fuck, what about me?”
“What, do you want to give her the ring during an ambulance
ride?” I snap and he immediately retorts.
“Ha ha, so funny. That was the first time I saw her naked. Come
to think of it, I kissed her on her doorstep for the first time. But how
about we choose a place that’s new for each of us?”
“Or,” Blake offers ever so stubbornly, “we could play rock, paper,
scissors and the winner gets to choose the venue of the proposal
and to actually present the ring.”
And so just like that, we play rock, paper, scissors in the parking
lot like a bunch of doofuses.

Magnolia
“MAGNOLIA MARIE KINSELLA,” my mother says on our weekly
phone call, when I try to broach the subject of wanting to specialize
in neonatology. My hopes that my parents would help me pay for the
extra schooling I need is quickly and mercilessly slashed by her next
words. “I think your father and I did right by you so far. We allowed
your every whim, including moving away to study. But you’re going
to be twenty-three soon, child—” she says twenty-three as if in
reality she meant seventy-eight. “—and you don’t want to really get
past your prime before you settle down with a suitable husband. It’s
been over a year since you let Tripp slip away from you and he’s
moved on. He and his wife just welcomed a baby last week.”
My immediate reaction to my mother’s mention of Tripp is an
exasperated eye roll, thankful that Mom hates technology and sticks
to old fashioned phone calls rather than FaceTime or Skype and she
can’t see me.
Every week, she’ll mention her disappointment about the end of
my relationship with Tripp and her concern about my “single status”.
Who needs a biological clock ticking when my own mother has
taken up that very role?
Of course all it would take for her to at least ease off her nagging
a little bit, would be telling her that I’m not single. I know I should
tell her that I’m happily attached but can you blame me if I’ve kept
quiet so far? How the heck do I tell my mother that I was blessed
with the best three men in the entire world? So I stalled. I never
mentioned my new relationship status. Until now, that is.
Normally Mom will say her spiel and then move onto different
areas of my life that she finds lacking, but tonight she just won’t let
go. I guess Tripp having a baby really did push her over the edge.
So my normal monosyllabic responses to her unsolicited advice
just don’t cut it.
“You could try speed dating, Magnolia. Your third cousin Sara
Jane met this math teacher—”
“I do have a boyfriend, Mom. I’m dating a doctor at the hospital.”
There. I regret my outburst even before the words have done
leaving my pie hole. But there’s only so much a girl can take, right?
 “Oh my! That’s fantastic news, baby girl.” Mom coos, her voice
turned into a soft, warm blanket. “Tell me everything about your
new beau. Your mama needs all the details.”
Another eye roll. I really regret telling her now but hopefully once
she gets enough to satisfy her curiosity, she’ll leave me alone.
“His name’s Porter, Mom. He’s handsome and smart—”
“Duh! Of course he’s smart! He’s a doctor, darling. But tell me, is
it serious? Have you met his family?”
I sigh and explain that Debbie is actually my supervisor at work.
“Oh, I see,” Mom muses. “And do you get along with his mama?”
And that’s where I make a huge mistake, letting my guard down.
“We didn’t at first. But things have changed and Debbie and I are
good friends now. She even helped me redecorate when I moved in
—”
Oh, fudge. Fudgity, fudgity, fudge. Me and my big mouth. Mom’s
outraged screech tells me just in how much trouble I am.
“You moved in? As in, you live with your doctor boyfriend? In the
same house?”
My eyes will fall off if I roll them one more time, I swear.
“Magnolia Marie Kinsella!” I groan, but the only person I can
blame for this is myself and my big mouth. “Have I not taught you
anything? Am I such a huge failure as a Mama? That was a rookie
move, child! How’s your doctor supposed to buy the cow if you’re
giving him the milk for free?”
I cover my face with one of my hands wishing for a time machine
so I could slap my five-minutes-ago self for telling her about Porter
in first place. “Mom, it’s ok. I don’t—”
“Not another word, Magnolia,” she interrupts me. “This is all my
fault.”
What?
“You’re an independent woman,” she says independent like an
insult, “but I should’ve known that a young woman needs her
mother’s sound advice.”
I resign myself to the lecture that’s about to begin but I don’t
realize how bad this is until it’s too late to stop the train wreck that
my life has just become in the last five minutes. Because the lecture
I was dreading never comes. It’s bad. Much, much worse. DEFCON 1
bad.
“I think it’s time for a visit. Your father has all this vacation time
he hasn’t used. Get your guest room ready, Magnolia. We’ll be in
Silver Springs in two weeks.”
Guest room? Can this possibly get any worse? I try to dissuade
her from staying with us but it’s a last ditch, desperate attempt to at
least mitigate the force of the incoming hurricane Harriet.
“Mom, wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a hotel? Or a B&B?
We have roommates and—”
“Roommates?” Her screech goes up another notch. “You
definitely need your mama. We must get rid of the roommates,
darling. They aren’t conducive to marriage.”
So just like that, my mom is visiting me in Silver Springs for the
first time since I moved here three years ago. And not only do I
have to tell the guys that she’s staying with us, I just realized that
she’ll be here the weekend of Jen’s engagement party.

NURSE KINSELLA TO THE orthopedic department, please.

I finish swaddling a super cute baby girl that’s due to go home
with her proud parents today. “There you go Emily, I’ll miss you,
cutie. You’re gonna be a good girl for your mommy and keep eating
and sleeping like a little sweet angel, right?”
She smiles at me and my heart does a happy leap in my chest.
The rotation in neonatology is definitely my favorite so far.
I walk toward orthopedics thinking that I doubt that my parents
will be inclined to help me financially but maybe, if things go well
during their visit, I could change Mom’s mind.
If she thought that Porter approves of me continuing my studies,
that could definitely sway her.
“Oh there you are, Mags. Thank you for joining us, I need your
help with today’s class.” Debbie greets me with a professional smile
but winks at me at the end. The times in which she’d stand in front
of my hospital bed with a whole group of students, hoping to look at
my vagina are thankfully long gone.
“What can I help you with, Nurse Stevens?” I ask in my most
respectful and professional tone.
“We’re doing bandages and splints today and we need someone
to help us practice.”
I look at her, surprised that she needs me for that. Normally the
students can practice on each other, so I don’t see why I’ve been
asked here.
“Let’s begin with fingers.” She smiles. “If Nurse Kinsella was to
break a finger, how would we bandage it?”
She starts working on my ring finger, building an elaborate
bandaging with some soft metal caging of which I totally don’t see
the point, since we have splints.
“There! This is what you would do if we were short on supplies.
It’s rare but it almost happened during the blizzard that hit our town
last Christmas. It’s good to be prepared for all eventualities. While
you practice on each other, I’ll set Nurse Kinsella free from the
splint.”
We sit down at her desk and she begins undoing the bandages.
“Thank you for helping Mags.” She smiles. “Oh and I can’t wait to
meet your mom.”
I almost fall off my chair at the mention of my mother. I haven’t
even had the chance to tell the guys yet. “How— How do you
know?”
“Oh, she followed me on Instagram last night and we’ve been
messaging. She’s so excited to meet Porter.” My shocked expression
makes her pause. “What’s up? Have I done something wrong by
accepting her friend requests? She also friended me on Facebook.”
My expression softens. “No, Debbie. I’m not mad at you but I’m
a little shocked. My mom has never been on social media.”
Our eyes meet as she’s done taking the bandages off and begins
removing the thin rings of metal she used to immobilize the length
of my finger. “She must be just dying to meet your boyfriends, that’s
all. I don’t blame her.”
 I fess up about the fact that I didn’t tell Mom that I’m also dating
Max and Blake. A pang of guilt squeezes my insides at the thought.
“Debbie, I don’t know how to tell the guys. I don’t want them to
think that I don’t love them. I said what I said hoping to get Mom
off my back about being single. I blurted out that I’m dating a
doctor because I knew that would appease her.”
Debbie puts a comforting hand on mine. “Mags, if someone
understands you that’s me. I was that mother that you had to lie to
until very recently. Until I realized how with my behavior, I was
pushing Porter away and I owe it to you for showing me the error of
my ways. I’m grateful for your forgiveness and so happy that I got
to know you. So, trust me when I tell you that those three men of
yours love you with all their hearts and would do anything for you.
Just tell them the situation and you’ll see that they’ll understand. But
if you want my advice, I’d find a way to tell your parents the truth.
They might get mad and maybe not understand your relationship
but it’ll be much worse if they find out later down the road.”
 4.
A Good Run And Naked Yoga

Porter

I ENTER THE GYM IN our basement for some yoga to center me

before the long night shift that’s in store for me at the hospital.
I’m surprised to find Magnolia running on the treadmill. She’s
used it some during the winter but now that spring is arriving again
in Silver Springs I know that she prefers to run outside.
I stand there looking at her for a minute and I’m almost
distracted by the way her perfect ass looks in the spandex leggings
she’s wearing, by the perfect curve of her waist, her firm tits,
bouncing only slightly as she runs. Her delicate neck looks so
inviting, glistening with sweat and the urge to move aside a strand
of hair that has escaped her ponytail to run my lips all over that neck
is hard to resist.
But my lust fueled perusal doesn’t stop me from noticing the
tension in her shoulders and the rhythmic, almost hypnotic way her
feet pound on the treadmill tells me that this is a ‘stress run’.
In the six months we’ve been living together, I’ve noticed that
whenever Magnolia feels overwhelmed by something, running is her
outlet.
“Hey.” She turns her head, looking at me over her shoulder and
slowing down the treadmill until she comes to a complete stop.
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
 ON PREJUDICE
This and the two following essays were published together in
Sketches and Essays.

392. ‘God’s image,’ etc. Fuller, The Holy State, II. 20, ‘The Good
Sea-Captain.’
Mr. Murray no longer libels men of colour. In Sketches and
Essays these words were changed to ‘men of colour are no
longer to be libelled.’
393. ‘That one,’ etc. Cf. Othello, Act V. Sc. 2.
 THE SAME SUBJECT CONTINUED

PAG
E ‘Most ignorant,’ etc. Cf. Measure for Measure, Act II. Sc. 2.
395. ‘Cherish,’ etc. Reflections on the Revolution in France (Select
Works, ed. Payne, II. 102).
‘Rings the earth,’ etc. Cf. Cowper, The Task, III. 129–30.
396. ‘Murder to dissect.’ Wordsworth, The Tables Turned, l. 28.
 THE SAME SUBJECT CONTINUED
This essay, which does not seem to have been published in The
Atlas, is printed from Sketches and Essays.

PAG
E
‘Reason,’ etc. Cf. 1 Peter iii. 15.
396. ‘There is nothing,’ etc. Cf. vol. VIII. (English Comic Writers) p.
398. 124 and note.
400. ‘Thus shall we,’ etc. Cf. 1 John iv. I.
‘Comes home,’ etc. Bacon, Essays, Dedication.
‘Still, small voice.’ 1 Kings xix. 12.
 ON PARTY SPIRIT
Published in Winterslow.

402. ‘The salt of the earth.’ S. Matthew v. 13.

‘Cuts,’ etc. Cf. Cowper, The Task, III. 208–9.
‘The sentiment,’ etc. Cf. ante, p. 218 and note.
 PROJECT FOR A NEW THEORY, ETC.
This essay was published in Literary Remains, and again, more
fully, in Winterslow, where it is dated 1828. It may possibly have
been printed in The Atlas for 1829, a complete file of which the
Editors have not been able to find. The essay is here printed from
Winterslow. See Mr. W. C. Hazlitt’s Memoirs (1867), I. 24 et seq.

PAG
E Mr. Currie. This should apparently be Corrie. See Memoirs, I.
405. 25.
The Test and Corporation Acts. Repealed in 1828.
409. ‘I am monarch,’ etc. Cowper, Verses supposed to be written
by Alexander Selkirk.
‘Founded as the rock.’ Macbeth, Act III. Sc. 4.
410. Mr. Burke talks, etc. Hazlitt seems to refer to Burke’s Essay,
On the Sublime and Beautiful, Part IV. §25.
411. ‘There’s no divinity,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act IV. Sc. 5.
412. Essay on Wages. An Essay on the Circumstances which
determine the Rate of Wages, etc. (1826).
‘Throw your bread,’ etc. Cf. Ecclesiastes xi. 1.
413. ‘While this machine,’ etc. Hamlet, Act II. Sc. 2.
419. ‘Like the wild goose,’ etc. As You Like It, Act II. Sc. 7.
 ON THE CONDUCT OF LIFE, ETC.
Published in Literary Remains, from which it is here reprinted.
See Mr. W. C. Hazlitt’s Memoirs (1867), I. 16, where the date of the
essay is fixed as 1822, when Hazlitt’s son was ten years old.

PAG
E ‘The salt of the earth.’ S. Matthew v. 13.
425.
‘According to your own dignity,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act II. Sc. 2.
‘How shall we part,’ etc. Cf. Paradise Lost, XI. 282–5.
428. ‘The study of the Classics,’ etc. See vol. I. (The Round Table)
p. 4 and notes.
431. ‘Practique,’ etc. Henry V., Act I. Sc. 1.
435. ‘We hunt the wind,’ etc. See Don Quixote, Part I. Book II.
chap. xiii.
‘Quit, quit,’ etc. Cf. Suckling’s Song, ‘Why so pale and wan,
fond lover?’
436. ‘When on the yellow,’ etc. Coleridge, Love, St. 16.
437. ‘Nods and winks,’ etc. Cf. L’Allegro, 28.
439. ‘Paled,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act I. Sc. 5.
 BELIEF, WHETHER VOLUNTARY?
Published in Literary Remains (from which it is here printed) and
in Winterslow.

‘Thy wish,’ etc. 2 Henry IV., Act IV. Sc. 5.

Note. Cf. ante, p. 317.
441. ‘Blown about,’ etc. Cf. Ephesians iv. 14.
‘Infinite agitation of wit.’ Bacon, The Advancement of
Learning, Book I. iv. 5.
Sir Isaac Newton, etc. Newton published Observations on the
Prophecies of Daniel and the Apocalypse of St. John
(1733), and Napier of Merchiston A Plaine Discovery of the
whole Revelation of St. John (1594).
442. ‘Masterless passion,’ etc. Cf. The Merchant of Venice, Act IV.
Sc. 1.
‘Fear,’ etc. A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act V. Sc. 1.
443. January and May. See Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, ‘The
Merchant’s Tale.’
444. A good remark in ‘Vivian Grey.’ See Book IV. chap. V.
 DEFINITION OF WIT
Published in Literary Remains from which it is here reprinted. Cf.
the essay ‘On Wit and Humour’ in vol. VIII. (English Comic Writers)
pp. 5–30.

PAG
E ‘Wherein,’ etc. See vol. VIII. pp. 18–19.
445. ‘The squandering glances,’ etc. As You Like it, Act II. Sc. 7.

‘Revive,’ etc. Quoted elsewhere from Scott.

446. ‘Foregone conclusion.’ Othello, Act III. Sc. 3.
448. ‘Skin,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act III. Sc. 4.

‘In cut and dye,’ etc. Hudibras, I. I. 243–4.

449. ‘The house,’ etc. Misquoted from Swift’s Vanbrugh’s House.

‘Turned from black to red.’ Hudibras, II. II. 32.

450.
‘Like jewels,’ etc. Collins, Ode, The Manners, 55.
‘Pray lend me,’ etc. Farquhar, The Beaux Stratagem, Act V.
451. Sc. 4.
453. ‘A forked radish,’ 2 Henry IV., Act III. Sc. 2.
 PERSONAL POLITICS
Published in Literary Remains, where the author’s son says that it
was ‘written during my father’s last illness, immediately after the
French Revolution of 1830.’ The essay, which must have been written
after the ‘Three Days’ (see post, p. 461, note) is here reprinted from
Literary Remains.

PAG
E ‘Ay, every inch a King!’ King Lear, Act IV. Sc. 6.
456. ‘Cooped,’ etc. Cf. Macbeth, Act III. Sc. 4.

‘Himself again.’ Richard III. (Cibber’s version), Act V. Sc. 3.

‘Solely,’ etc. Macbeth, Act I. Sc. 5.
458. ‘Shall be in him,’ etc. Cf. Othello, Act III. Sc. 3.

‘Smile,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act I. Sc. 5.

459. ‘Ever strong,’ etc. King John, Act III. Sc. 1.

The late King. George IV. died on June 26, 1830.

460. Let him go where he chooses. Charles X. arrived in England
461. on Aug. 17, 1830.
Note. The Revolution of the Three Days. This began on July
27, 1830.
 EMANCIPATION OF THE JEWS
This paper was printed in Leigh Hunt’s The Tatler for March, 1831
(vol. II.), and also, separately, in pamphlet form. Mr. Bertram Dobell
kindly showed to the Editors a copy of this pamphlet in his
possession which bore the following (anonymous) marginal note:
‘Written by Hazlitt, and a little altered by Mr. Basil Montagu—Mr.
Isaac Goldsmid caused this little tract to be written, and defrayed all
the expenses of authorship, printing, etc. It was the last production, I
think, of Hazlitt’s pen.’ From a proof in the Editors’ possession it is
clear that the essay was sent by Hazlitt’s son to The Daily News and
set up in type in 1849, but it seems never to have been published by
that journal. The essay is here reprinted from the pamphlet. The
Tatler and The Daily News proof show only trifling typographical
variations. It will be remembered that Macaulay’s maiden speech
(April 5, 1830) was in favour of a bill for the removal of Jewish
disabilities. The emancipation of the Jews was not effected till 1858.

PAG
E ‘We have reformed,’ etc. Cf. Hamlet, Act III. Sc. 2.
461. ‘My kingdom,’ etc. S. John xviii. 36.
463. ‘And pure religion,’ etc. Wordsworth, Sonnet, Written in
464. London, September 1802.
 ON THE PUNISHMENT OF DEATH
Fraser’s Magazine for January 1831 contains an article on Capital
Punishment in which the author introduces an extract from an essay
by Hazlitt on the same subject. The extract is thus introduced: ‘It
forms part of an essay which was written a few years ago by the late
W. Hazlitt, at the request of a society then existing in London for
obtaining a repeal of that formidable law, and seems to contain
pretty much the sum of what might be brought forward against that
punishment by a philosophical reasoner. It has never yet been
published.’ Hazlitt’s essay has not been discovered, and this rather
obscure fragment is reprinted from Fraser’s Magazine.

PAG
E Beccaria. Cesare, Marchese de Beccaria (1735?–1794), whose
466. famous work, On Crimes and Punishments, appeared in
1764.
‘It is not the intensity,’ etc. Cf. Beccaria, chap. xxviii.
‘Crimes are more effectually prevented,’ etc. Ibid. chap, xxvii.
470. In Mr. Bentham’s phrase. See (e.g) Theory of Legislation,
Part III. chap. vi.
Note. For Burgh’s book see vol. IV. (Reply to Malthus), p. 85
et seq. and notes.
ADDENDA TO THE NOTES IN VOLS. I.–XI.

VOL. I.

PAG
E 3. The miser ‘robs himself,’ etc. Cf. Joseph Andrews, Book
IV.
chap. vii.
23. ‘Because on earth,’ etc. See vol. X., note to p. 63.
52. ‘A mistress,’ etc. Goldsmith, The Traveller, 152.
57. ‘Pure,’ etc. Dryden, Persius, Sat. II. l. 133.
68. ‘Two happy things,’ etc. The Tatler (No. 40) quotes the
epigram thus:
‘In marriage are two happy things allowed,
A wife in wedding-sheets, and in a shroud.
How can a marriage state then be accursed,
Since the last day’s as happy as the first?’

85. ‘Painting was jealous,’ etc. Vasari records a similar saying

(Lives, ed. Blashfield and Hopkins, 1897, vol. IV. p. 218).
105. ‘In that first garden,’ etc. Cf. ‘In that first garden of our
simpleness.’ Daniel, Hymen’s Triumph, I. 1.
112. ‘And visions,’ etc. This couplet, a favourite quotation of
Hazlitt’s, occurs in a letter from Gray to Horace Walpole
(Letters, ed. Tovey, I. 7–8). The lines are apparently a
translation (by Gray) of Virgil, Æneid, VI. 282–84.
135. ‘Heaves no sigh,’ etc. See vol. V., note to p. 30.
139. The new Patent Blacking. Cf. Moore’s Parody of a
Celebrated Letter, 94–6.
391. ‘The word,’ etc. Cf. 2 Henry IV., III. 2.
292. ‘Go, go,’ etc. Cf. Wycherley, The Plain Dealer, v. I.
427. Turnspit of the King’s kitchen. See vol. XII. (Fugitive
Writings), p. 291 and note.
 VOL. II.

310. ‘Both living and loving.’ Lamb’s version of Thekla’s Song

in The Piccolomini. See Coleridge’s Poetical Works, ed. J.
D. Campbell, p. 648.
311. ‘Winged wound.’ Dryden, The Hind and the Panther, I. 6.
347. ‘Who had been beguiled,’ etc. Leigh Hunt, The Story of
Rimini, Canto III.
363. ‘Throws a cruel sunshine on a fool.’ Armstrong, The Art
of Preserving Health, Book IV.
396. The man who bought Punch. See vol. XII. p. 353.
 VOL. III.

38. The Room over the way. See Cobbett’s Weekly Political
Register, Sept. 1817 (Selections, etc., v. 259).
41. St. Peter is well at Rome. Don Quixote, Part II. Book III.
chap, xli., and elsewhere.
45. ‘Lest the courtiers,’ etc. The Beggar’s Opera, II. 2.
60. ‘One note day and night.’ Burke, Regicide Peace (Select
Works, ed. Payne, p. 51).
63. ‘Which fear,’ etc. Cowper, The Task, II. 325.
166. ‘In Philharmonia’s undivided dale.’ Cf. ‘O’er peaceful
Freedom’s undivided dale.’ Coleridge, Monody on the
Death of Chatterton, 140.
171. ‘Unslacked of motion.’ See vol. IV. p. 42 and note.
174. ‘Of whatsoever race,’ etc. Cf. Dryden, Absalom and
Achitophel, I. 100–103.
239. ‘Meek mouths ruminant.’ Cf. ‘With ruminant meek
mouths.’ Leigh Hunt, The Story of Rimini, Canto II.
243. The Essay on ‘The Effects of War and Taxes,’ appeared
also in The New Scots Magazine for Oct. 1818.
259. ‘Soul-killing lies,’ etc. Lamb, John Woodvil, Act II.
268. ‘Certain so wroth,’ etc. Chaucer, Canterbury Tales, The
Prologue, 451–2.
273. ‘People of the nicest imaginations,’ etc. Cf. Swift,
Thoughts on Various Subjects.
284. ‘Resemble the flies of a summer.’ Cf. ‘Men would become
little better than the flies of a summer.’ Burke, Reflections
on the Revolution in France (Select Works, ed. Payne, II.
112).
328. ‘A new creation,’ etc. Goldsmith, The Traveller, 296.
 VOL. IV.

17. ‘Sacro,’ etc. Quoted in the notes to Junius. See notes to

Letter XXXVI.
24. To elevate and surprise. The Duke of Buckingham’s The
Rehearsal, I. 1.
44. ‘Your very nice people,’ etc. See ante, note to vol. III. p.
273.
147. ‘Where he picks clean teeth.’ Cowper, The Task, II. 627.
217. ‘When he saw,’ etc. Coleridge, Remorse, Act IV. Sc. 2.
220. Pingo in eternitatem. A saying attributed to Zeuxis. See
Sir Joshua Reynolds’s Discourses, No. III.
311. ‘Sithence no fairy lights,’ etc. See vol. XI. pp. 224, 268,
and notes.
 VOL. V.

9. ‘And visions,’ etc. See ante, note to vol. I. p. 112.

10. ‘Obscurity,’ etc. See vol. XI. p. 224 and note.
120. ‘And that green wreath,’ etc. Southey, Carmen Nuptiale,
Proem, St. 9.
215. ‘A foot,’ etc. Cf. Donne, The Storm, 3–4.
277. Friar Onion. See Boccaccio, The Decameron, Sixth Day,
Novel X.
280. ‘That, like a trumpet,’ etc. Cf. Leigh Hunt, The Story of
Rimini, Canto III.
345. ‘The last of those fair clouds,’ etc. Cf. Wordsworth, The
Excursion, VII. 1014–16.
372. For the note on Lord Dorset read Charles Sackville
(1638–1706), sixth Earl of Dorset, author of ‘To all you
ladies now on land,’ included with other songs in Hazlitt’s
Select British Poets.
 VOL. VI.

23. ‘Those suns and skies so pure.’ Warton, Sonnet (IX.) to the
River Lodon.
93. ‘The fair variety of things.’ Akenside, Pleasures of the
Imagination, I. 78.
94. A neighbouring Baronet. See vol. XII., note to p. 202.
96. ‘Like life and death,’ etc. Cf. Lamb., John Woodvil, Act II.
106. ‘The beautiful is vanished,’ etc. Coleridge, The Death of
Wallenstein, v. I.
113. ‘Like a faint shadow,’ etc. Cf. The Faerie Queene, II. vii.
29.
152. Note. ‘The worse, the second fall of man.’ Cf. Windham,
Speeches, I. 311 (March 13, 1797).
156. ‘To warn and scare.’ Rev. Sneyd Davies, To the
Honourable and Reverend F. C. (Dodsley, Collection of
Poems, VI. 138).
189. ‘The vine-covered hills,’ etc. William Roscoe, Lines
written in 1788, parodied in The Anti-Jacobin.
211. ‘Free from the Sirian star,’ etc. Beaumont and Fletcher,
Philaster, Act v. Sc. 3.
218. ‘It was out of all plumb,’ etc. Tristram Shandy, Book III.
chap. xii.
225. ‘Stud of night-mares.’ Cf. ‘I confess an occasional night-
mare; but I do not, as in early youth, keep a stud of them.’
Lamb, Essays of Elia (Witches, and other Night-Fears).
243. ‘Tall, opaque words.’ Hazlitt was perhaps quoting from
himself. See vol. VIII. p. 257.
259. ‘To angels ’twas most like.’ The Flower and the Leaf, St.
19.
308. ‘Wild wit,’ etc. Gray, Ode, On a Distant Prospect of Eton
College.
317. ‘As much again to govern it.’ This line is not Butler’s, but
Pope’s. See An Essay on Criticism, 80–81:
‘There are whom heav’n has blest with store of wit,
Yet want as much again to manage it.’

The couplet was changed in the 4to edition of 1743.

 VOL. VII.

189. ‘Subtilised savages.’ ‘Nor as yet have we subtilised

ourselves into savages.’ Burke, Refections on the
Revolution in France (Select Works, ed. Payne, II. 101).
273. ‘As a saving of cheese-parings,’ etc. See Windham’s
Speeches, I. 311 (March 13, 1797).
282. ‘As if they thrilled,’ etc. The Faerie Queene, II. xii. 78.