Personalized Terror: A Protection Plan for Stalking Victims

By Larry Zilliox
12/16/2023

Investigative Research Specialists, LLC

Introduction

Stalking is a serious crime. One in twelve women and one in forty-five men will be stalked in their
lifetime. On average, victims report the stalking lasting 1.8 years. In situations involving prior
relationships, the stalking length increased to 2.2 years.

Victims of stalkers often see themselves as partly to blame and believe if they change their behavior, the
stalking will stop. This is not true. As a stalker victim, you have little or no control over the stalker's
behavior. Stalking is more about control and fear than overzealous romantic pursuit. Sometimes stalkers
are kind, thoughtful people unable to let a relationship go and slip into obsession. In other cases, they
are co-workers or schoolmates whose mild infatuations morph into a stalking obsession.

Stalking is a crime that takes place over time. Sometimes, the actions of the stalker develop into
patterns. In other cases, they are completely random and happen without warning. Stalkers are selfish
and do little by chance. Everything they do has some degree of planning and is very deliberate. An
escalation in a stalker’s behavior may be triggered by an event such as a new love interest by the victim.
The stalker may increase contact with the victim around dates significant to them or the victim, such as
birthdays and anniversaries.

In today’s complex digital world, so much personal information is available online that many stalkers
have augmented their traditional stalking with Digitally Assisted Stalking and Cyberstalking. To help you
manage a stalking situation, we will outline some effective strategies.

Recognizing and Confronting the Stalker

There are no set parameters to help victims determine they are being stalked. What stalking is in one
situation may not be so obvious in another. A co-worker asking you on a date four or five times would
not raise the same concerns as the clerk at the local convenience store showing up at your doorstep to
ask you out twice. Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention, harassment, and contact that
cannot be ignored. It is up to you to assess your comfort level and determine if the situation is serious.
It is very important your communications with a stalker be minimal and concise. In the stalker’s mind, all
communication is open to debate. Do not discuss your rationale for feeling the stalker’s behavior is
inappropriate or why you do not desire a relationship. It is critical on many levels that there is a point in
time you firmly communicate, in person, on the phone, or by e-mail, that it is your wish the stalker finds
someone else on whom they focus their attention because you have no interest in them at all. You must
say clearly and unmistakably “No” to a relationship. Letting someone down easily sends the wrong
message to the stalker. You must also tell the stalker you do not want them to have any contact with
you, your family, friends, or co-workers.

Attempting to deal with a stalking situation on your own can be difficult. Contact family, friends, co-
workers, counselors, and law enforcement. Some victims believe they are somehow responsible and feel
ashamed to report stalking incidents. You are a victim and will need assistance in much the same way if
you have been robbed. Don’t wait to contact the police. If you have told the stalker you do not want a
relationship, and they persist, make a police report. Don’t wait for something serious to happen just
because you feel the police have more important things to do.

Your initial report to the police will most likely be taken by a patrol officer. After you have given all of
your information about the incident, ask the officers what the department’s protocol in a case like this
is. The police are there to serve you and not just take reports and return only when you have been
harmed. Impress upon the officer you feel threatened and that it is a very serious matter that must be
addressed sooner rather than later.

If the officer cannot give you a satisfactory answer about how stalking cases are handled by your police
department politely ask to have a supervisor come by and speak with you. If the supervisor fails to
address the situation seriously, ask that they give all of the information about the case to a detective.
Try to get the name and phone number of the detective. Stalkers are serial by nature. You are probably
not the stalker’s first victim. The police may already have information about the stalker. They just need
to investigate.

Developing a Safety Plan

Disengage

The first priority of a safety plan is to eliminate or minimize contact with the stalker. Stalkers rarely take
responsibility for their actions and can be good at making the victim believe they are being overly
sensitive or are to blame for the stalker’s actions. Disengage and avoid contact at all times. If you see the
stalker, turn and walk the other way, run and yell if necessary. Do not agree to meet your stalker even if
they promise they will leave you alone if you meet them one last time. This only empowers the stalker
and makes them believe they can get you to do whatever they wish.
If contact with a stalker is unavoidable, try not to react to their presence or actions. Do not engage in
conversation with the stalker. They attach different meanings to your words. Simply saying, “I want to
be left alone and need time to think,” will be interpreted by the stalker to mean you want to see them at
a later date. Even threats by the stalker that they may hurt themself if you do not speak with them
should be ignored.

If you are alone in a public place when confronted by the stalker, seek out anyone who looks like they
are in a position of authority, a store or restaurant manager or security guard, and ask them to call the
police because you are being stalked. Find a group, couple, or the largest guy you can and ask him if he
wouldn’t mind talking to you for a minute because you are afraid to be alone because that man over
there is stalking you. Be sure the stalker has seen you point him out to others. You never know who may
be standing near you: a judge, off-duty police officer, teamster, or former Navy SEAL.

File a Restraining Order

Many people believe a restraining order wastes time and only incites the stalker. While this may be true,
a restraining order will give local law enforcement more flexibility in responding and dealing with the
stalker. If you obtain a restraining order, always carry it with you. A restraining order often does little to
change the stalker’s behavior. Stalkers are usually very intelligent and well-read. They often research
their stalking extensively and are familiar with state and local laws. If a restraining order compels a
stalker to remain over 100 yards from the victim’s home, the stalker will know exactly where this point is
located and stay outside the line.

Know Your Surroundings

Over eighty percent of all stalking cases involve the stalker watching their victim, sometimes for hours.
As people go about their daily lives, they narrowly focus on their surroundings and become oblivious to
what is happening over ten feet away. You must be vigilant and aware of activity around you in a wider
area. You need to stop at times to assess what is around you before you leave a building or drive down a
street.

Before you enter a building, store, or restaurant, stop and look through the window to see inside.
Stalkers will often anticipate where their victim will be and will try to get there first. In this way, should
there be an incident with police, they can claim they were there first, and the victim came in and
approached them. Stalkers are good at turning the situation around and claiming they are the victims.
After all, they were in the store first, and the victim came in after them, “How can that be stalking?”
they tell the police.

If you are driving and are being followed by your stalker, do not try to evade your stalker by speeding or
making risky traffic maneuvers. The stalker is much more willing to risk their life and the lives of others
than you are. Do not drive home or to work. Take right turns on red and other routes so you are always
moving and not stopped in traffic. If you must stop and the stalker approaches your car, lock your doors,
do not open the window, and lay on the horn. The constant horn-blowing will annoy those around you
and cause them to look at you. Stalkers do not like anything that draws attention to their actions.

Drive to a police station if you know where one is located. Stop at a fire station or flag down a police car.
Call 911 and tell the dispatcher you are being followed by a strange, creepy man. They will direct you to
a point where the police can intervene.

Always have your cell phone with you, even on short trips running errands or to the bathroom at work.
Try to vary your travel routes and times. Ensure loved ones know your schedule and when and where
you plan to be throughout the day.

Secure Your Home

Many police departments offer free security assessments by crime prevention officers. Take advantage
of this and have them come out and do an assessment of the security in and around your home. If the
stalker has a key to your home or automobile, change the locks immediately. Keep your doors and
windows locked. Any outside utilities on your home, like a telephone junction box, should be locked.
Consider installing exterior flood lights on your home activated by motion sensors. Exterior lighting
should eliminate any dark areas around the home where someone could hide and observe movement
within the house. Landscaping may also need to be removed or redone to eliminate concealment
opportunities. Install shades and blinds to block the view from outside the home, especially at night.

Safeguard your keys at all times. All that is required for online key duplication services is a picture of the
front and back of a key to make a duplicate. A stalker who finds your keys needs less than 20 seconds to
take pictures of your house key with their smartphone. After e-mailing the pictures and paying a $25
fee, the stalker will have a duplicate key in your home within a week. The same is true for your car keys.
If a stalker had a duplicate car key they could easily plant a GPS tracker in your car.

Also, have a good alarm system with a panic button installed. Your car should also be alarmed, and your
gas cap should lock to avoid tampering. If it works for your lifestyle, think about getting a large dog. Do
not jog or walk at night along. Exercise during the day and take the dog with you on your run. Stalkers
have targeted pets because abuse of the animal can have a devastating impact on the owner. Take extra
care of pets by keeping them inside. Think about taking a self-defense course.

Well-meaning friends and family members may suggest you carry pepper spray or get a gun. Both are
excellent choices for personal defense but have serious ramifications if misused. While pepper spray is
not lethal, if used incorrectly, in a confined space or strong wind, you can incapacitate yourself more
than your attacker. Firearms are extremely dangerous and can be easily taken away from persons
without the proper training. If your state allows pepper spray and the carrying of a concealed weapon,
please do not consider either without the appropriate training.

Delivery of any items should be done when you are home, and it is expected. Deliveries of groceries and
laundry when you are not home should be canceled if it is not possible to secure the items in a locked
storage box until you arrive home. Replace your mailbox with a lockable version, or consider having your
mail sent to a mail service or post office box.

Workplace Security

Many stalkers show up at work because their victim works in a place with access to the public, and they
mistakenly believe they have a right to be there. Make sure your employer knows of your stalking
situation. Fully inform the security department, human resources, and receptionists and give them all a
picture of the stalker and any information about the stalker’s vehicle. Advise them not to accept any
deliveries on your behalf and to screen all your calls. Ask them to let you know if the stalker is seen on
the property so you can call the police or detective handling your case.

Ask company management for a work e-mail address that does not readily identify you. Many
companies use e-mail addresses that include all or most of the employee’s name. Ask to change the
address to something outside the normal company e-mail address protocol, like
accounts797@company.com. This will make it hard for the stalker to guess the new address.

If possible, come and go to work during daylight hours. Request a parking spot as close to the door as
possible. Try to time your arrival and departure with co-workers so you are not alone in the parking lot.
Request an escort to your car if available. Vary your routine by arriving and leaving work at different
times.

Privacy

Stalkers will use and manipulate your personal information to gather more information and terrorize
you. Often, the obsessive behavior of a stalker includes knowing everything they can about their victim.
You need to limit public information available about you and safeguard your personal information.

If you move, do not receive mail at your new address. Open a post office box or use a mail-receiving
service. Change your address with your state Department of Motor Vehicles, bank, credit card
companies, schools, and work. Read the fine print and opt out of any marketing services when
subscribing to magazines or signing up for services online. Go to Google Alerts at
http://www.google.com/alerts and set up alerts on your name, new address, and new phone number. If
the Stalker posts this information on the Internet, Google will notify you with a link to the page, allowing
you to see what has been posted and which information has been compromised.
Do Not Disconnect Your Phone. Let the stalker continue to call and leave messages on the phone you no
longer answer. Get a new cell phone and give the number to trusted friends only. Consider a pre-paid
phone since it can be purchased and reloaded for cash and activated without providing personal
information. Pre-paid phones are relatively inexpensive; generally, all you need to activate is the zip
code in the area from which you would like a phone number. While most people get a local number you
can get a phone number anywhere in the country with only the zip code of that area. Have someone
else record the greeting in the voicemail so your voice is not heard if the stalker somehow gets the
number. Set your phone to block outgoing caller ID and not show your phone number.

You can use a free Google Voice phone number to give out to persons other than close friends, and for
applications and forms, you must fill out. After activating the Google Voice phone number, you can point
it at several phones at the same time. One of the more valuable features is the ability to block certain
numbers by having the system play a recording that the number has been disconnected for only that
caller. Sign up for the service at http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html.

Change all of your passwords. Stop using simple passwords that can be easily guessed. Use nine or ten if
your voicemail password can be anywhere from 4 to 10 digits. Do not use the same password for
everything. If one system is compromised, then all systems are compromised. Consider starting a
password with a symbol, then a long phrase, then a symbol or numbers at the end. Something like
?HortonisaW0042&. Call your utility companies (power, water, and cell phone) and ask for your account
to be password protected. Note that information is not to be provided to anyone without a password.
Ensure you password protect all your computers and devices, laptop, iPad, and cell phones. Set your cell
phone to unlock after you enter a numeric code. Choose random numbers and not a date or something
that someone can guess easily. Avoid using the mechanism that lets you trace a pattern on the screen.
This is easily defeated by tilting the device into the light and observing the pattern in the grease on the
screen from using the phone against your face.

If you have a Wi-Fi connection at home or work, ensure it is password-protected and not set for open
access. Wireless printers are being marketed with “print from anywhere” capabilities. This service allows
you to send a document from your smartphone or iPad to your printer from virtually anywhere in the
world. This is accomplished by having the printer on the Internet with an IP address that makes it
vulnerable to hacking. The biggest risk from these printers is their memory stores documents you have
printed for some time.

Examine the privacy settings for any social networking services you use and consider closing accounts to
which the stalker has had access. Do not give out your e-mail address to casual acquaintances. Set up
several e-mail addresses at a service like G-mail or Yahoo. These services allow you to set up multiple
accounts to have an address for personal use, work, and one for signing up for things online.

Do not use chat rooms or instant messaging with people you do not know. Stop posting and remove all
photos on the Internet with services like Shutterfly, Flickr, or Snapfish. Do not use your real name or a
nickname known to the stalker as a user ID or screen name. Pick something that is age and gender-
neutral. Leave the profile information blank or make up the information.

If the stalker has previously accessed your computer, physically check the connection between the
keyboard and computer for an attachment that looks out of place. Check the back of the computer to
ensure a thumb drive has not been inserted into a spare USB port. These devices are key loggers that
record everything you type on your computer. Key loggers have become very sophisticated and hard for
a layperson to detect. Sometimes called Spyware, the programs can reside on your computer and send
reports about your activity by e-mail to a pre-programmed address without your knowledge.

Do not open attachments from people you do not know, and be suspicious of attachments from people
you know if they arrive unexpectedly. Some spyware programs are disguised as electronic greeting cards
and load without your knowledge after you open the card. Several free programs help you detect and
remove spyware and key logger programs. A good start is at the Microsoft Safety and Security Center at
http://www.microsoft.com/security/default.aspx.

If you take pictures with a newer camera or cell phone, ensure the geotagging function is disabled. The
geotagging feature embeds the GPS coordinates of where the photo was taken into the picture. If you
post your pictures on Facebook or other social media sites, this information may be available to a stalker
with minimal effort. Be sure your cell phone provider has no location services added to your account for
which you did not ask. Stop using any online services that tell others your current location or where you
have been, like Facebook Places or Foursquare. Don’t loan your phone to anyone or leave it unattended.
It takes less than 30 seconds to load a tracking program while you are not watching.

Social Engineering

Hackers and scammers have successfully used social engineering to gather information for years. A
stalker will use social engineering techniques to trick friends, relatives, and others into giving them
information about you. One example would be the stalker seeing a friend’s post on Facebook asking
how your job interview went. The stalker calls a relative and says they are with the HR department and
says they must have your old phone number and need the new one because of a problem with the job
application.

Another reason you must let your friends, relatives, and co-workers know about the stalking situation is
so they are alert to social engineering and do not give out any information about you to anyone. Instruct
them to take information from the person calling and tell them you will call back. Under no
circumstances, no matter who the person on the other end of the phone claims to be, are they to give
out information about you. Stalkers will claim to be everyone from FedEx looking to deliver a package to
a detective filling in while the regular detective assigned to your case is on vacation. The stalker will
always make it urgent that they get the information. The stalker will make claims like being unable to
deliver the LL Bean stuff you ordered to “we’re about to arrest the stalker but we need to speak with the
victim first.” Tell everyone that whatever the consequences they are not to give out your information.

Evidence Collection

You must document everything involving your case: all contact with the stalker, including e-mails, voice
mails, photos, text messages, and instant messages.

Incident Log

You must document any incident when you have contact with the stalker. This includes times when the
stalker is following you, calling you, leaving items for you at work or home, or vandalizing your property.
The log can be a paper notebook or in electronic form. There are several benefits to a digital version of
the log. With paper, you only have one copy. It cannot be easily shared with the authorities. It can be
stolen by the stalker or destroyed in a fire or flood. The digital version can incorporate recordings and
photos along with your notes about the incident. The format you decide is best for you should contain
the following information.

1. Start a separate page or entry for each incident.

2. Include the date and time of the incident.
3. Describe in detail exactly what happened.
a. Identify the stalker by name and how you know it was them.
b. Describe the stalker in detail. What were they wearing, what were they driving?
From where did the stalker approach you and where did they go after the
incident?
c. What exactly did you see them do?
d. What was said to you and by whom?
e. Was your property damaged? Who caused the damage?
f. How did the incident make you feel?
g. Did anyone witness the incident? Include their name and contact information.
Even if you do not have a name write down as much information about them as
can remember. i.e. heavyset white woman with black hair about 5’0” looked
about 40 years old, working behind the counter at 7-11. Authorities may locate
the witness at a later date.
h. If you are using a paper notebook sign and enter the date and time you
recorded the incident at the bottom of the page.
Attention to detail is extremely important. The little things like what the stalker was wearing or that the
stalker was with someone when they approached you could be vital information that helps authorities
build a case against the stalker. For instance, knowing a stalker came out of an office building just before
accosting, you could help police impeach the stalker’s alibi. If the stalker claimed to have been at home
alone at the time of the incident, but police have video of the stalker entering a parking garage attached
to the office building you identified in your log shortly before the incident, it will definitely bolster their
case. A person matching the stalker’s description or wearing a distinctive baseball cap may be seen on
security camera video. While this may not prove it was the stalker, it lends credibility to your story.

If at all possible, use your cell phone to video the stalker as they follow or approach you. If you don’t feel
comfortable doing this while the stalker is near you or talking to you, start the recorder and keep it in
your hand in front of you or at your side. While the camera will not capture the scene, it will continue to
pick up the audio and give you time and date-stamped evidence of what was said. Do not lay your phone
down. You may need to flee or leave quickly.

Within reason, keep everything the stalker gives you so it may be turned over to authorities
investigating your case. At a minimum, take photos with a digital camera or your cell phone of anything
the stalker gives to you, your family, or your friends. Also,, photograph anything the stalker has left at
your home or work. Take pictures of any vandalism done to your property and include them in your log
with details about the incident.

Keep copies of any e-mails or text messages sent by the stalker. If you receive chat or instant messages
from the stalker, take a picture of the screen if you are not able to save messages. If you are using a chat
program and it has a log feature, enable it to help document any interaction with the stalker.

Capture and document any references you find about yourself on the Internet. The Google Alerts you
set up will help with this task. Everything must be documented regardless of the nature of the
information. You may find information posted anonymously or by someone you do not know. It is
possible the stalker has placed information about you on the Internet under an assumed name.
Authorities may be able to trace anonymous postings during their investigation.

Try to keep all the information you collect as evidence in one place. Use an information collection
program like Microsoft’s OneNote or the online program Evernote. The free version of Evernote should
be more than adequate for your needs. One of the benefits of using a program like Evernote is the
information is not stored on your computer. This safeguards against losing the information from a
computer crash or hacking by the stalker. It also makes accessing and adding information from any
computer or smartphone easy.

If you keep the photos, e-mails, and videos of the stalker on your computer, make sure you back up your
information. Back up your information to an external hard drive and again to a service like Google Docs,
Dropbox, or Box.net, so your information will not be lost in a fire or if your computer is destroyed or
stolen. Use very strong passwords for any online storage service.