2.

Physical Aggression & Physical Threats: The Full Guide

Violence and the physical ability to harm others does not correlate to
power and dominance as it used to during most of our evolution.

An excess of violence and aggression even has a negative correlation

to power: individuals who can’t channel their aggression outside of
physical fights often dwell at the bottom of society.

Yet, it would be a mistake to think that physical power, or even

violence, has nothing to do with social power.
To begin with, not being afraid of others is a big part of social power.
And the unstated threats of physical aggression can award social
power and a higher place in dominance hierarchies.

In a nutshell, whether for the positive or the negative, physical

aggression and (unstated) threats of physical aggression play an
important role in social dominance and dominance hierarchies.

Stated VS Unstated Violence Threats

Before we start, we need to make an important distinction.
The distinction is between stated threats and unstated ones.

– Stated threats of violence

I call “direct”, “stated” and “physical” threats those threats which

clearly state that violence and physical aggression is either going to
happen or it is going to happen if there is no compliance.

– Unstated threats of violence

I call “latent”, “unstated” and “social” threats those threats when there
is no open and direct threat of aggression.
Unstated threats of aggression are what you will be dealing with most
often.
But we need to understand both, and this lesson will cover them both.

How Violence Affects Social Power

Individuals in social interactions, especially in man to man
interactions, perform an unconscious reading as to who would most
likely win a fight.

The results of that assessment affect the behavior, confidence and,

ultimately, the social power of those men, even when no fight was
ever even going to happen as it’s the case in 99.x% of social
interactions.

Owning the Worst Case Scenario

Men who believe they will win a fight -or men who are not scared of
losing- tend to be less anxious in social settings and more confident.

The confidence of winning the fight is the equivalent of the walk

away power in relationships and negotiations.
It gives the individual the confidence of the trump card. He has the
confidence that, if worst goes to worst, he (likely) wins in that worst-
case scenario.

And similar to the walkaway power in relationships, when an individual

is confident he can push it till the end and win, he has more
confidence and power in dominating the middle range of the spectrum,
which is where most social interactions take place.
Escalation is Bad For All: An Opportunity for Smaller
Players
However, there is an important difference between physical
aggression and walk away power.

The difference is that nobody can really be sure of “owning” the worst-
case scenario when it comes to physical aggression.

Being bigger, younger, faster, or more trained are all advantages…

But they all stop far from guaranteeing a clean win.
Even “winning” entails major risks. The risks of physical harm, later
revenge or legal repercussions.

That means that most people, even when in possession of a clear

advantage, don’t really want to fight.

And that’s what all individuals with a physical disadvantage should

understand and, possibly leverage when in the presence of a bigger
individual who is out to push them around.

You see it often in the animal kingdom:

https://youtu.be/hSLJDne4hTk

Humans who have a clear advantage have also one more risk than
most animals: social shame.
Losing to an individual who seems to be at a disadvantage would be
considered embarrassing by most humans, which further puts
pressure on avoiding the fight.

How Threats of Violence Affects Us Differently

Threats of violence affect people very differently.
As we have seen, the physical realm is mostly a man’s thing, and it
doesn’t affect women quite as much.
Men think more about fights (picture below), and have much more to
gain or lose by winning or losing a fight.

Source: Evolutionary Psychology, David Buss

It also affects older men much less.
Hitting an older man is considered tabu, few would do it and the older
man would also not lose any social value if he were to lose a fight.
As we’ve mentioned, the fear is not just physical arm but, for many
younger men, the fear of losing a fight is also connected to the
fear of losing social status.

And of course, also among men people have very different reactions
to threats of violence.
I have personally noticed that gay men are more socially confident
than most straight men and they are much less susceptible to size and
unstated threats of violence.
Maybe this is due to the fact that gay men don’t fear losing status
among men because they don’t use social hierarchies fr access to
women.
Or maybe it’s because gay men behave more like women in this area
of socialization? I’m speculating here, but it doesn’t matter for our
purposes.

What matters instead is that for most men, to become socially

powerful, it’s important that they learn to reduce their fear of violence.

Social Power Requires Reducing Physical Fear

Most social interactions won’t lead to a fight.

As we have seen, even the strongest man has lots of downside risks.
Even socially, winning the fight might lead to isolation and loss of
social status.

This means that fights are rare.

But this is not how our brain thinks. The older part of our brain is
programmed to overreact to latent threats of violence even when it’s
not in our best interests.
In many cases socially fearful individuals are fearful because they
overstate the likelihood and risks of a physical fight.
And that gives social bullies a huge advantage.

Many business high achievers are bullies in a suit, and they barge
their way through life thanks to the more submissive individuals who
are too fearful to stand up for themselves (remember the first module,
the “masters of the universe”, and Trump and Jamie Dimon?).
That’s why it’s paramount that more submissive and fearful men make
it a point to push themselves to take a stand in all social situations
where they feel threatened.

Martial Art Classes Help Being Less Fearful

Being more comfortable with actual physical confrontation is very

helpful.

It will contribute to your personal confidence, to the way you carry

yourself and, ultimately, to your social power.

And that’s why I recommend men who are stymied by physical threats
that they take up some martial art classes.

Learning the ropes of fighting and throwing a punch will help, but what
will help even more is to experience a few physical brawls.

There is no need of becoming a pro.

Once you have been hit a few times and once you have done a few
light fights, chances are that your fear of physical threats will subside.

You will still be fearful of physical fights, as you should be. But it will
not be anymore the type of fear that takes over all social interactions
and that makes you act submissive where there is no need for
submission.

It’s About Perception, Not Fighting Skills

Finally, it’s not real fighting skills that are being assessed but what
we think are indicators of what wins a fight, like:

– Size
– Confidence
– Aggression
Some other indicators have little or nothing to do with an actual fight
and yet we still consider them as indicators of raw power, such as:

– Dominance social signs (taking up space, pauses etc.)

– Submissive social signs (looking down, filler words etc.)
– Open / closed body language
– Voice

Why do we consider them as potential threats?

It’s because albeit they’re not indicators of physical power, they are
indicators of social power and social status.
And social status still carries the potential for harm.

See again why in the very beginning we said: “don’t think of the
components of power as separated categories because they all
overlap?”.
They do all overlap.

And they can add each to each other, or remove one from another.

A big and muscular man with a high pitched voice and closed body
language will not look powerful. And he will not even be able to strike
fear or leverage unstated threats of violence.
With his submissive body language, he is already calling himself out of
the race.

On the other hand, a smaller guy who acts aggressively will be scary.

Before Joe Pesci beat up the bigger guy, it was already obvious by his
mannerism that he was the most dominant individual, both socially
and physically:

https://youtu.be/GpDnFPYoWxw
This leads us to the last point: fighting skills don’t award social power.
Not even when it comes to unstated physical threats.

Size instead matters, but only as long as you leverage it.

Most of all, it’s about the confidence with which you carry
yourself that awards you social power.

Now we will review how to handle yourself in different environments

with threats of violence.

Distinguish Safe VS Dangerous

Environments
This is a very important distinction for social power.

You must keep in mind that there are environments that might lead to
violence and environments where you shouldn’t worry about violence -
even if violence might actually take place-.

It’s important because the most primitive part of our brain doesn’t
differentiate much between the two environments.
And when we leave it up to our unconscious brain, we can easily lose
power.

And we lose social power every time when we react to the social
dominance of bigger, more aggressive or more astute players as if our
physical safety was at stake.

In short: since our brain doesn’t automatically differentiate between

what’s really dangerous and what’s a front, we must do so rationally.
1. Save Environments: Stand Your Ground
If someone is being aggressive in a safe environment, you stand your
ground.

Even when they are being physically aggressive.

Especially when they are being aggressive.

Don’t get defensive and, if you behave civil but assertive, you will
come across like the winner.

What are safe environments?

It includes some of the most important environments for our life’s
success.
Here are some:

1. Offices
2. Almost all workplace situations
3. Areas with surveillance and cops
4. All situations with live / recorded interactions
5. Some night venues with cameras and good security
6. Any situation where physical aggression is stopped, prosecuted,
highly unlikely or likely to win you big in court in case of assault.

When you recoil and let more aggressive individuals dominate you in
safe environments 98% of times you did not spare yourself from a
physical confrontation.
All you did was giving all your social power away for nothing.

They feel like they owned you and you will feel like they owned you.
And chances you’ll forever be afraid of them and forever defer to
them.
Exactly what you don’t want.
Example of Physical Threat in Safe Environment
Look at the example below.

This was a safe environment.

The journalist was in Congress, with witnesses, and with a camera.
The interviewer would have actually gained if the bully had gotten
physical.

https://youtu.be/MeJhXaC5WPg

The congressman is a typical bully in a suit.

The reporter is responding to the aggression with the primitive part of
his brain only, looking terrified, backing down and justifying himself.
In similar situations: don’t take a single step back.

When Being Attacked Pays Off

In safe situations being aggressed can actually pay off big time.

It can help you show you cool you are, win some money with a lawsuit
or even rise to notoriety (as it was the case for Ben Shapiro).
Compare the differences with the previous video:

https://youtu.be/HS6RDCtgDSI

Ben Shapiro gained hugely by being openly threatened -and mildly

physically aggressed- on live TV.
Had the trans taken a swing at him, Shapiro would have become even
more popular overnight.
Shapiro shows us how to handle threats of physical aggression in safe
environments like a boss.
2. Uncertain Environments: Differentiate Social
& Physical Aggression
In uncertain environments a fight is not as unlikely, there is nobody
who could stop it for sure and there might be no ways of identifying or
pursuing the aggressors.

It can be a bar, a social gathering, a concert, etc.

Physical aggression is still rare as compared to threats and unstated

aggression, but the dangers are something to keep in mind.

In these cases, you want to differentiate between social dominance

moves (unstated threats) and direct physical threats.
And with all unstated threats, you want to show your confident self and
unabashedly push back against any power moves.

Unstated Threats Are Social Power Moves

I’ll give you an example: have you ever had a huge muscular guy get
close to you while taking up space and maybe while looking right at
you?

That is a social dominance move, not an actual physical direct threat.

They are implying they could beat you, but there is not going to be any
physical violence.
Still, most people get instinctively worried and step back, lower their
gaze or start talking first to seem friendly.

Don’t do it.
Consider it instead a dominance showdown situation where you must
show the opposite: that you are not intimidated.
Example of Unstated Threat at a Bar
Being very short and thin but often looking confident and staking my
claim on the environment around, I had the above happen to me a few
times from guys who want to test me or own me.

This one time I was leaning against the bar, and here comes this huge
gym rat at a 90 degrees angle motioning me to move so he can put
his drink on the bar.

I barely move.
And he gestures me to move a bit more.
I barely move a bit more, and he asks again. Finally, there is enough
space, but by now he had to invest much more in making me move
than I had to invest in moving.

I was one up socially.

And by now he knew I was no prey.

He started clamoring for my attention and for a reaction with body

language and verbal utterances.
His two friends were orbiting around him like moons around Jupiter
and they were all laughing to support their idol.

Now since I had held my own and came up on top, I didn’t need to
keep showing strength. Remember the showdown lesson?
You want to be friendly after a showdown and build goodwill. So I
reply and get to know him and even touch his arm saying he was
huge.

He points at my arm saying I was huge.

I laughed at that one, it was a good one :).
Later that night he walked to me asking for my name and shaking my
hand.

By now you should know what it was: it was a sign of respect.

Another way some guys will want to show power over you is by
coming very close.
Recently a big alpha guy, a boxer, came to shake my hands while
standing way too close for comfort. Most people there would have
stepped back and I wanted to step back. But I held the position on
purpose. And ten seconds later he stepped back.

It was uncomfortable, for sure, but you want to do something similar

when people step in your personal space -unless they’re really
clueless or they spit when they talk, in which case feel free to back off
:)-.

Physical Threats
When the threats are physical, you need to create distance and take
physical steps to protect yourself from a possible attack.

My recommendation is that you refuse to engage with anyone who is

threatening a fight.
Good options are to talk it down or failing to engage him and move
away.

Another good option can be to ask him why is he aggressive, since

some people will deny their aggression or blame it on you.
Both present two good opportunities for de-escalation.
If they blame it on you, explain the misunderstanding. If they deny
their own aggression, cement their own words by saying “good, I’m
glad you don’t want to be aggressive because I don’t want either. Let’s
try to understand each other than”.
If they keep going undeterred with their chest-thumping, try to
disengage while you keep an eye on them: you don’t want to turn
around when they’re still too close.

3. Dangerous Environments: Take Both

Seriously
In dangerous environments, you want to take both latent threats and
direct ones seriously.

You also want to think twice if a latent threat is worth the risk of an
escalation -and you acting equally dominant might be considered an
affront and invite to escalate-.

Dangerous environments are dark street at nights, outside of bars with

drunk patrons and when you step into someone else’s territory.

Any time someone seems to act menacingly towards you in

dangerous environments, you must address it as potentially
dangerous and create space.

Yes, it might look cool and powerful if you pretend there is no threat. If
you act it cool and the threat deflates because you calmly deal with it
or someone else deals with it for you, you look immensely powerful
and cool.
Like Putin here:

https://youtu.be/ERSGZO2GKHo

But life is not a movie and if you don’t have bodyguards, you don’t
lose any social points by taking threats seriously.
Actually, you gain social points by taking serious threats seriously.
What you want to do is to raise your hands in front of your chest, tell
him not to get closer and defuse the situation while seeking for the
quickest way to get out of it.
I highly recommend that if you raise your hand you keep the palms
open, not close. Closed fist scream “let’s fight”, open hands turned
towards him de-escalate while getting you equally ready for the worst.
You can see an example here.

Psychopaths Danger
One of the reasons why I advise to avoid a fight is that the most
dangerous fights are not going to be “fair” or start and end as fistfights.

Psychopath criminal researchers share many stories of psychopaths

pulling knives or guns on unarmed people and having no qualms in
killing.
Even for fights that started out of trivial matters.

One psychopath just released out of prison picked a fight with a waiter
out of nothing and then invited him to “step outside”.
The waiter probably expected a fistfight, but he died of stab wounds
instead.

That’s something that one should always keep in mind.

Yes, most fights are not going to be lethal. Few people actually fight to
really harm and most fights will end with little more than dirty clothes.

But exceptions apply and it’s worth to keep in mind.

Just to be sure, don’t ever expect fights to be “fair”.
 Threats From Groups
As we’ve just mentioned, groups dynamics have the potential of
getting much more dangerous than single individuals.

If it’s a random group of guys you have never met I recommend you
avoid engaging their threats as much as possible and only get into a
fighting stance if it’s just about getting to blows.

Otherwise, look to move away.

You have nothing to gain from escalating with a group of thugs you’ll
never see again and you lose absolutely nothing from disengaging
right away -not even your ego if you build your ego right-.
You have too many cool things to do to lose your time and health to
random idiots.