Correction Feedback

The Admitting Officer

Emergency Department
Newtown Hospital
13.09.2014

Dear Dr,

RE: Ms Sally McConville

I am writing to urgently refer Ms McConville, a 38-year-old asthmatic administrator, for acute

management and investigations of suspected pneumonia.

Ms McConville, who is hypertensive, does not smoke and has no known allergies. She takes
fluticasone daily and Ventolin upon necessity.

On 10.09.2014, Ms McConville presented at the clinic with a 2-day history of mild upper respiratory
tract symptoms. Consequently, Ventolin dosage was augmented to 2 puffs every 4 hours. Two days
later, her symptoms had worsened. Besides, she has experienced dyspnoea on minimal exertion Commented [OET1]: The more recent event should not
along with wheezes in the chest over the last 24 hours. Her vital signs were normal, apart from a be in past perfect
slightly high temperature. As a result, amoxicillin and prednisolone were added to her medications. Commented [OET2]: previous

Today, Ms McConville’s dyspnoea has worsened despite taking her medications. She was feeling Commented [OET3]: felt: use past simple to describe
feverish and unwell. Upon examination, she had shortness of breath at rest and was vitally signs and lab data in today visit
unstable. In addition, she had widespread wheezes along with bibasal crepitations. Therefore, I
instituted Ventolin Nebules 5mg. Fifteen minutes later, there was no improvement, and she was
still in respiratory distress.

Based on the above information, I would appreciate if you could take over Ms McConville’s care as
she requires specialist advice. If you have any queries, please contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor

Report
Color coding:

Color code sample Meaning

[Color code sample] Irrelevant data

[color code sample] Missing relevant information

[Color code sample] Not wrong but can be written in a better style

[Color code sample] Critically wrong sentence structure

[Color code sample] No evidence from the case notes

[Color code sample] Stamp sentence

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 Correction Feedback

Color code sample Repeated mistake which was corrected before

Color code sample Extra word/phrase/sentence

Color code sample Repeated word/phrase/sentence/idea

Word Count: 197

Your Score: 34/38
Grade: 440
Feedback:
1. Excellent letter with great improvement, keep up the good work.
2. You did not cover all relevant data from the case notes which needed to
continue the patient care. (accessory muscle use, increased work of breathing
..etc )
3. Use past simple to report laboratory data and signs.
4. Do not use past perfect in OET except in
a. Multiple events in the past with the 1st one only to be in past perfect
and the following to be in the past simple.
b. Reported speech.
5. It is preferable to write the numbers from 1 to 10 in letters, it shows your
writing skills more to the assessors.

What Next:

 Improve your language and grammatical skills.

 Check score details to find your point of weakness.
 Rewrite the letter with the correction by your hand.
 Learn from mistakes in your previous letters.
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Score Details:

1. Purpose
Your
Description Grade
Score
Purpose of document is immediately apparent and sufficiently expanded as
3
required

Purpose of document is apparent but not sufficiently highlighted or expanded 2

Purpose of document is not immediately apparent and may show very limited
1
3
expansion

Purpose of document is partially obscured/unclear and/or misunderstood 0

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 Correction Feedback

2. Content
Your
Description Grade
Score
Content is appropriate to intended reader and addresses what is needed
to continue care (key information is included; no important details 7
missing); content from case notes is accurately represented

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Content is appropriate to intended reader and mostly addresses what is

needed to continue care; content from case notes is generally accurately 5
represented

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Content is mostly appropriate to intended reader; some key information 5

(about case or to continue care) may be missing; there may be some 3
inaccuracies in content

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Content does not provide intended reader sufficient information about

the case and what is needed to continue care; key information is missing 1
or inaccurate

Performance below Band 1 0

3. Conciseness & Clarity

Your
Description Grade
Score
Length of document is appropriate to case and reader (no irrelevant
information included); information is summarised effectively and 7
presented clearly

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Length of document is mostly appropriate to case and reader;

5
information is mostly summarised effectively and presented clearly

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Inclusion of some irrelevant information distracts from overall clarity of

7
3
document; attempt to summarise only partially successful

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Clarity of document is obscured by the inclusion of many unnecessary

1
details; attempt to summarise not successful

Performance below Band 1 0

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 Correction Feedback

4. Genre & Style

Your
Description Grade
Score
Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader (discipline
and knowledge); technical language, abbreviations and polite language 7
are used appropriately for document and recipient

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader with

occasional, minor inappropriacies; technical language, abbreviations and 5
polite language are used appropriately with minor inconsistencies

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Writing is at times inappropriate to the document or target reader; over-

3
7
reliance on technical language and abbreviations may distract reader

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

The writing shows inadequate understanding of the genre and target

reader; mis- or over-use of technical language and abbreviations cause 1
strain for the reader
Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader (discipline
and knowledge); technical language, abbreviations and polite language 7
are used appropriately for document and recipient

5. Organisation & Layout

Your
Description Grade
Score
Organisation and paragraphing are appropriate, logical and clear; key
information is highlighted and sub-sections are well organised; document 7
is well laid out

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Organisation and paragraphing are generally appropriate, logical and

clear; occasional lapses of organisation in sub-sections and/or highlighting 5
of key information; layout is generally good

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Organisation and paragraphing are not always logical, creating strain for 7
the reader; key information may not be highlighted; layout is mostly 3
appropriate with some lapses

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Organisation not logical, putting strain on the reader; or heavy reliance on

case note structure; key information is not well highlighted and the layout 1
may not be appropriate

Performance below Band 1 0

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 Correction Feedback

6. Language

Your
Description Grade
Score
Language features (spelling/punctuation/vocabulary/ grammar/sentence
7
structure) are accurate and do not interfere with meaning

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Minor slips in language generally do not interfere with meaning 5

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Inaccuracies in language, in particular in complex structures, cause minor

3
5
strain for the reader but do not interfere with meaning

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Inaccuracies in language cause considerable strain for the reader and may
1
interfere with meaning

Performance below Band 1 0

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