Correction Feedback

Dr. Bronwyn Clarke

Orthopaedic Surgeon
Orthopaedic Department
Main Hospital
Greenville

17.10.2015

Dear Dr. Clarke,

RE: Mrs. Maria Santini

I am writing to refer Mrs. Santini, a 67-year-old widow, for further assessment and management of
her osteoarthritis and an intra-articular steroid injection if required.[Baker’s cyst should be
mentioned in your introduction]

Mrs. Santini, who lives alone, has had osteoarthritis since 2003 for which she takes Glucosamine. Commented [OET1]: glucosamine: generic name
She is hypertensive, hyperlipidaemic, and has atrial fibrillation. She underwent a successful bilateral Commented [OET2]: British spelling words will be
hip replacement operation in 2010. considered a mistake because you are using American style
of writing
Today, Mrs. Santini presented at the clinic with a 6-week history of progressively increasing pain in
both of her knees, especially on movement. She also reported an appearance of a painful soft lump
at the back of her right knee 4 weeks previously. The lump is consistent with a Baker’s cyst, which
restricted her movement. Consequently, her daily activities have decreased and she has developed
depressive symptoms. Upon examination, there were no visible deformities or swelling. However,
crepitus in both of her knees was noticed on movement. Also, an ordered MRI scan of the knee Commented [OET3]: Also in the beginning of the
joints showed degeneration consistent with osteoarthritis. sentence is informal use Additionally, besides, …etc
Commented [OET4]: the/her: you are talking about
Based on the above information, I would be grateful if you could take over Mrs. Santini’s condition specific MRI
as she requires specialist advice. Please note, a referral to a physiotherapist to improve her joint Commented [OET5]: care
mobility is recommended. Also, a district nurse was contacted to assess her living at home. If you
have any queries, please contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Doctor. Commented [OET6]: no dots

Report
Color coding:

Color code sample Meaning

[Color code sample] Irrelevant data

[color code sample] Missing relevant information

[Color code sample] Not wrong but can be written in a better style

[Color code sample] Critically wrong sentence structure

[Color code sample] Stamp sentence

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 Correction Feedback

Color code sample Repeated mistake which was corrected before

Color code sample Extra word/phrase/sentence

Color code sample Repeated word/phrase/sentence/idea

Word Count: 207

Your Score: 35/38
Grade: 450
Feedback:
1. This is a perfect letter, keep up the good work.
2. Pay attention to generic and trade names of drugs, the trade name only should
be capitalized.
3. Focus on the proper use of articles especially “the”
4. Your letter covered the case note with great simplicity and clarity.
5. Using the dots following Mrs like “Mrs. Santini” is an American style of writing
therefore any British spelling words will be considered as a spelling mistake.
6. Take care of informal tone and avoid it.
7. “Also,” in the beginning of the sentences is considered informal. Use In addition,
/additionally …. etc.
8. Take care about the difference between the American and British writing
spelling, you should unify the spelling style, read more at the following
link:https://oetwritingmastery.com/difference-between-american-british-spelling/

What Next:

 Improve your language and grammatical skills.

 Check score details to find your point of weakness.
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Score Details:

1. Purpose
Your
Description Grade
Score
Purpose of document is immediately apparent and sufficiently expanded as
3
required

Purpose of document is apparent but not sufficiently highlighted or expanded 2

Purpose of document is not immediately apparent and may show very limited
1
2
expansion

Purpose of document is partially obscured/unclear and/or misunderstood 0

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2. Content
Your
Description Grade
Score
Content is appropriate to intended reader and addresses what is needed
to continue care (key information is included; no important details 7
missing); content from case notes is accurately represented

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Content is appropriate to intended reader and mostly addresses what is

needed to continue care; content from case notes is generally accurately 5
represented

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Content is mostly appropriate to intended reader; some key information 7

(about case or to continue care) may be missing; there may be some 3
inaccuracies in content

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Content does not provide intended reader sufficient information about

the case and what is needed to continue care; key information is missing 1
or inaccurate

Performance below Band 1 0

3. Conciseness & Clarity

Your
Description Grade
Score
Length of document is appropriate to case and reader (no irrelevant
information included); information is summarised effectively and 7
presented clearly

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Length of document is mostly appropriate to case and reader;

5
information is mostly summarised effectively and presented clearly

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Inclusion of some irrelevant information distracts from overall clarity of

7
3
document; attempt to summarise only partially successful

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Clarity of document is obscured by the inclusion of many unnecessary

1
details; attempt to summarise not successful

Performance below Band 1 0

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4. Genre & Style

Your
Description Grade
Score
Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader (discipline
and knowledge); technical language, abbreviations and polite language 7
are used appropriately for document and recipient

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader with

occasional, minor inappropriacies; technical language, abbreviations and 5
polite language are used appropriately with minor inconsistencies

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Writing is at times inappropriate to the document or target reader; over-

3
6
reliance on technical language and abbreviations may distract reader

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

The writing shows inadequate understanding of the genre and target

reader; mis- or over-use of technical language and abbreviations cause 1
strain for the reader
Writing is clinical/factual and appropriate to genre and reader (discipline
and knowledge); technical language, abbreviations and polite language 7
are used appropriately for document and recipient

5. Organisation & Layout

Your
Description Grade
Score
Organisation and paragraphing are appropriate, logical and clear; key
information is highlighted and sub-sections are well organised; document 7
is well laid out

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Organisation and paragraphing are generally appropriate, logical and

clear; occasional lapses of organisation in sub-sections and/or highlighting 5
of key information; layout is generally good

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Organisation and paragraphing are not always logical, creating strain for 7
the reader; key information may not be highlighted; layout is mostly 3
appropriate with some lapses

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Organisation not logical, putting strain on the reader; or heavy reliance on

case note structure; key information is not well highlighted and the layout 1
may not be appropriate

Performance below Band 1 0

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6. Language

Your
Description Grade
Score
Language features (spelling/punctuation/vocabulary/ grammar/sentence
7
structure) are accurate and do not interfere with meaning

Performance shares features of bands 5 and 7 6

Minor slips in language generally do not interfere with meaning 5

Performance shares features of bands 3 and 5 4

Inaccuracies in language, in particular in complex structures, cause minor

3
6
strain for the reader but do not interfere with meaning

Performance shares features of bands 1 and 3 2

Inaccuracies in language cause considerable strain for the reader and may
1
interfere with meaning

Performance below Band 1 0

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