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 Tools for active listening

▪ Fallacies about listening

▪ Value of Listening
Session One ▪ Nine steps to effective listening
▪ Barriers to listening
▪ Active listening skills
▪ Bad listening habits
▪ Feedback Skills
 LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND

Before I can walk in another

person’s shoes,
I must remove my own.

Unknown
 FALLACIES ABOUT LISTENING
▪ Listening is not my problem!
▪ Listening and hearing are the same
▪ Good readers are good listeners
▪ Smarter people are better listeners
▪ Listening improves with age
❖ Learning not to listen
❖ Thinking about what we are going to say rather than listening to a speaker
❖ Talking when we should be listening
❖ Hearing what we expect to hear rather than what is actually said
❖ Not paying attention
( preoccupation, prejudice, self-centeredness, stero-type)

▪ Listening skills are difficult to learn

 VALUE OF LISTENING

▪ Listening to others is an elegant art.

▪ Good listening reflects courtesy and good manners.
▪ Listening carefully to the instructions of superiors improve
competence and performance.
▪ The result of poor listening skill could be disastrous in
business, employment and social relations.
▪ Good listening can eliminate a number of imaginary
grievances of employees.
▪ Good listening skill can improve social relations and
conversation.
▪ Listening is a positive activity rather than a passive or
negative activity.
 WHAT IS LISTENING?

The process of receiving, constructing meaning

from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal
messages; to hear something with thoughtful
attention.

• Effective communication is 2-way

– depends on speaking and listening
 LISTENING VS. HEARING

• Hearing- physical process; natural; passive

• Listening- physical & mental process; active;
learned process; a skill
• Listening is hard!

You must choose to participate in the process

of listening.
 FAST FACTS

• We listen at 125-250 wpm, think at 1000-

3000 wpm.
• 75% of the time we are distracted,
preoccupied or forgetful.
• 20% of the time, we remember what we
hear.
• More than 35% of businesses think listening
is a top skill for success.
• Less than 2% of people have had formal
education with listening.
 PERCENTAGE OF TIME WE SPEND ON
EACH TYPE OF COMMUNICATION
Mode of Formal Years of Percentage of
Communication Training Time Used

Writing 12 years 9%
Reading 6-8 years 16 %

Speaking 1-2 years 30%

Listening 0-few hours 45%

Listening is the most powerful
form of acknowledgment

…a way of saying to your

customer, “You are important.”
 HOW TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER

▪ What You Think about Listening ?

❖ Understand the complexities of listening

❖ Prepare to listen
❖ Adjust to the situation
❖ Focus on ideas or key points
❖ Capitalize on the speed differential
❖ Organize material for learning
 HOW TO BE AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER
(CONT.)

▪ What You Feel about Listening ?

❖ Want to listen
❖ Delay judgment
❖ Admit your biases
❖ Don’t tune out “dry” subjects
❖ Accept responsibility for understanding
❖ Encourage others to talk
 NINE STEPS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING
1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
2. Be attentive, yet relaxed.
3. Keep an open mind to the speaker’s message – try to feel what the speaker
is feeling.
4. Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.
5. Do not interrupt and do not impose your "solutions."
6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions - ask questions
only to ensure understanding of something that has been said (avoiding
questions that disrupt the speaker's train of thought).
7. Give the speaker regular feedback, e.g., summarize, reflect feelings, or
simply say "uh huh."
8. Pay attention to nonverbal cues -- to feelings, tone of voice, inflection, facial
expressions, gestures, posture.
9. Be aware of potential barriers that impact your ability to listen effectively.
 BARRIERS TO LISTENING

• Equate With Hearing • Listening for Facts

• Uninteresting Topics
• Speaker’s Delivery
• External Distractions
• Mentally Preparing Response
• Personal Concerns
• Personal Bias
• Language/Culture
Differences
• Faking Attention
 ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
Stay active by asking mental questions.
Some questions you can ask yourself as
you listen are:

1. What key point is the speaker

making?

2. How does this fit with what I

know from experience?

3. How can this information benefit

me and others?
 LOOKING AND ACTING LIKE A GOOD
LISTENER
Non-Verbal Communication

• Turn your body and tilt your face toward the speaker.

• Use other parts of your body besides your ears to receive the
message:
1. Look at the speaker to pick up nonverbal signals or cues
2. Your eyes will also send signals to the speaker
3. When the speaker sees a receptive audience they are motivated to work
harder to communicate their message

• React to the speaker by nodding your head.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT

•Listen and acknowledge what you hear the

speaker saying, even if you don't agree with it. At
this point do not express your point of view.

•Acknowledging the speakers thoughts and

feelings does not mean that you approve of or
agree with the speaker’s opinions or actions.

•Your ability to listen and then acknowledge what

the speaker said allows the speaker to feel a
sense of satisfaction of being understood
 REFLECTING BACK
•When making a statement, paraphrase and reflect back what you've
heard the speaker say.

•Reflecting is affirming to the speaker and encourages the speaker to

elaborate further or delve more deeply into the topic.

•Meaningful exchanges between you and the speaker are built on

feedback.

•In order to accurately feedback a person's thoughts and feelings, you

have to be consciously, actively engaged in the process of listening.

•Try to experience what the speaker is describing, feeling the speaker’s

feelings through the lens of your own experience.
 BAD LISTENING HABITS

• Criticizing the subject or the speaker

• Getting over-stimulated
• Listening only for facts
• Not taking notes OR outlining everything
• Tolerating or creating distraction
• Letting emotional words block message
• Wasting time difference between speed of speech and
speed of thought
 FEEDBACK SKILLS

• Positive vs. Negative Feedback

• Positive feedback is more readily and accurately perceived
than negative feedback
• Positive feedback fits what most people wish to hear and
already believe about themselves
• Negative feedback is most likely to be accepted when it comes
from a credible source if it is objective in form
• Subjective impressions carry weight only when they come
from a person with high status and credibility
 DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK
SKILLS
• Focus on specific behaviours
• Keep feedback impersonal
• Keep feedback goal oriented
• Make feedback well timed
• Ensure understanding
• Direct feedback toward behaviour that is controllable by the
recipient
 Understanding Non Verbal
Communication

Intonation
Session Two Rate of speech
Volume
Gestures
Facial expressions
Posture
Use of space
Dress
Eye contact
Effective communication is
20% what you know and 80%
how you feel about what you
know.
Jim Rohn
 NONVERBAL MESSAGES

• Messages without words or silent messages

• Not spoken or written
• Include:
– posture facial expressions
– voice tone gestures
– appearances eye contact
 NONVERBAL MESSAGES
• More impact than verbal message
• Being more conscious of nonverbal messages improves
communication
• Make sure verbal and nonverbal messages are consistent:
– message clarity
– builds trust
The Impact of Nonverbal Messages

Figure 2.3

Source: Silent Messages by Albert Mehrabian (Wadsworth: 1981).

 EYE CONTACT
• The Eye transmit more information
than any other part of the body
• Western standard in business
setting:
– meet other person’s eyes 60 -
70%
 EYE CONTACT
• The Eye transmit more information
than any other part of the body
• Western standard in business
setting:
– meet other person’s eyes 60 -
70%
 FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
• Identifies inner feelings and
emotions of person
• Most observations are
accurate
• “Wearing your emotions on
your sleeve”
GESTURES
• Messages indicating
reaction to situation
• Should command respect
• Meanings vary across
cultures
 PERSONAL SPACE
• Used to define
relationships
• Edward Hall identified
“zones” of comfortable
distances
• Distances vary across
cultures
DRESSING CODE
POSTURE
 KINESTHETIC CODE: BODYLANGUAGE
- Notice gestures and acknowledge them, then
ASK what the meaning is.
- Slumped posture = low spirits.
- Good, strong posture = high spirits.
- Leaning forward = interest.
- Leaning away = disinterested.
- Crossed arms = sometimes may depict
defensiveness.
- Uncrossed arms = sometimes may be a
willingness to listen.
-There are thousands of body language cues.
Thank you for
your attention!
Any Questions?