Final reflection

research and development

After reading the play, it was clear that the sad club is a play that represents teen life and experiences
from the good to the bad to the awkward and vulnerable. Its main themes and human emotions and
honesty. It explores widely known experiences that are very relatable to people all over. It has a
grand sense of community and unity which is why so many could connect to these characters from
the very start. I also like the creativity of how mundane things are presented, for example some of
the settings were quite unusual- like the best friends' scenes in space. Even though we did not end
up using this idea, the offer inspired us to think about the play in an unusual and abstract way at
times which yielded some interesting results. Though the development of this play, we took a lot of
time to explore and play with ideas. We were not cast for this which allowed us to be free and
objective with our suggestions. Additionally, we created many ideas using an ensemble and group
discussion- this collaborative approach aligned perfectly with the play's community-based principles.
I found it effective to explore the same scene in multiple ways as it gave us lots to build off, we were
able to create many branches that we could expand later if we wanted. Additionally, having multiple
groups looking at the same scene was remarkably interesting to see how the same piece of text
could be interpreted and staged in diverse ways. I was surprised by how successful this was as on a
surface level it could look like we were not utilizing our time as efficiently as we could have. But I
believe the time we spent experimenting was invaluable.

Although I felt the lack of casting for so long did have benefits such as allowing us to be free with
our creativity, I also found it quite personally challenging. I found I did not know what to ground
myself to in the initial stages. I often find a lot of connection with the play as soon as I begin
annotating and analysing it, however this was not possible to do without a character. I also was not
sure how to carry myself whilst acting as there was no specific character traits I needed to play. This
meant some of our starting points felt quite neutral and flavourless. However, I was able to overcome
this by looking at things in a more objective way. Instead of focussing on what my specific role might
be, I tried to look at it with a more directorial approach. This allowed me to suggest staging and
scene ideas without being worried about my personal position- which was especially useful in these
beginning stages.
In the initial stages of production, we were all tasked with creating a presentation on an element of
context in the show. Mine was the medias' view of mental health in the last 20 years. I enjoyed
researching this as it helped inspire me by looking at other portrayals of mental health in the world.
It also amazed me how much our opinion on mental disorders has changed over the years-
especially when looking at some of the ignorant mindsets in older shows. This made me realise how
progressive the sad club is when discussing vulnerable topics. I am glad that the writing is quite
genuine and authentic to teenagers in this generation as the wrong kind of representation can do
more damage than good. I also learnt some key information about how we accommodate for mental
health challenges now in schools, the workplace and society. Which was all unbelievably valuable to
creating an up to date and relatable view of mental health in young people today.

One area I felt I succeeded in was in my idea suggestions and creative mindset. I tried to
continuously offer innovative suggestions for staging scenes and thinking about how certain
characters may be played. I find that sometimes it can be intimidating to share ideas to the group
but fortunately a lot of them were used and found to be helpful. However, it is also important to
remember that Krista our director has the final say as she had a vision for the play. I think this can
also be an area I can improve on as I often have ideas for things that are not my role. As a lot of our
work so far has been devising where we have had to design everything from the set to the costume, I
think it is important for me to remember that in this project, my job is to be part of the company and
not worry about those other aspects of the production. I needed to improve on learning the lyrics
and songs earlier as this would have allowed me to focus on other elements later in the process. In
future, I think I should spend time learning all the lyrics in the early phases of r and d, so the rest of
my time is available at generating and producing content.

Rehearsal Phase

During the rehearsal period, I found Krista's methods and techniques effective, and they worked for
me extremely well. For example, her approach was often to explain her vision and ideas and let us
put it into motion with an offer for us to refer to in the future. This gave us enough of a guide to
make sure we create relevant material however made sure we were creative and experimental. One
example of when this was particularly affective was in Sarah's scene as we split into two groups, and
both created the scene. The result was two versions of the same scene, each with unique and
different ideas for us to use. We also filmed these so in intensives we could revisit our work. In the
end, we used a mix of each scene for the result and were able to create it very quickly due to all the
work we had done previously. Without this initial rehearsal exercise, it would have been more
challenging and time consuming to finish this scene later. I think it is highly effective to have the
same moment portrayed in differing ways as it provides choice and inspiration which often yields an
interesting result. I also think I helps us as a company feel free to give suggestions without too much
pressure and build resilience when ideas do not get used- which is a vital skill to have in theatre
making. That is why I would like to use this technique for other productions and remember it for
future endeavours I may work on.

I found that during the rehearsals, I was able to stay motivated and engaged for most of the time. I
think this is thanks to me looking after my health and wellbeing during this time. I recognised the
importance of hydration and eating foods that would slowly release energy throughout the day. In
these weeks, I found I had more energy than normal because of my lifestyle change so this will be a
routine I try to replicate in my daily life. However, there were still times where I felt burnt out and
very tired. I often did not warm up my body as much as I should have which lead to me pulling
muscles and hurting myself- which is counterproductive as it meant I could not do as much
movement in the next few days. I also feel I should have made more written notes throughout as this
would have allowed me to stay more on top of things and remember everything. In a rehearsal
process which is so intense and fast paced, I now can appreciate the importance of documenting all
key progress throughout the day. I also think I could have been more attentive in the earlier weeks as
at times I think I needed more focus. I believe this came in later weeks as the pressure of the show's
opening forces you to push for productivity and finish the show, however at the start, this pressure
isn't as present so it's hard to feel the same sense pf urgency, in the future, I will try be more aware
of this and remember the importance of keeping the same level of focus throughout.

One thing I found quite challenging was finding my character during the rehearsal weeks. We were
not sure of the direction we wanted to go in and how much we wanted to change them the
character of Emma was originally called Micheal and a boy. Before we decided to change the gender
of the character, I was struggling to know how masculine to play him. I did not want it to feel
stereotypical and artificial as I felt I could not give a genuine representation of his character. We also
were debating whether we should change the sexuality of the character as making her a lesbian
would open other experiences and emotions which were not in mind when this was written. As we
were back and forth on these choices for quite a few weeks, I felt the whole time I was struggling to
connect with them and needed more clarity before the character could be more detailed and
dimensional. Alongside this, some of my lines were changed and cut which changed my original
interpretation of them which I found challenging. For example, I imagined at the party, they would
be quite awkward and over the top to show how this was their first party and didn't know how to act,
however the character was suggested to be more confident and bold which meant I had to adapt the
view I had of her in my head. I found this quite surprising as my interpretation of the character was
much nerdier due to the emphasis on education she has. However, this differing view of her could be
a suggestion that the intellectual side of her was quite forced and this is the true her; a free spirit
who is courageous and daring. What helped me to overcome this and understand my character more
was to annotate my script and analyse my lines to understand the intention behind every line. This
way, I had thought about each choice and new how to act them accordingly.

I felt a key moment that allowed the character to click for me was when we ran my scene fully for the
first time. I felt this was the first time I could see the balance of the scene and character and
understand her arc. I find that Emma has a lot of contrast from the first to second half of her
monologue, so seeing this moment in its entirety helped me to adjust the levels of how I was playing
her. Additionally, the staging represents her relationships with other characters which helped me
understand where she fits in the world of the sad club. Overall, this was the moment that I finally felt
connected with her and felt confident in my portrayal of her.
On a personal level, I feel I have developed my skills of theatre making and being part of a company.
I hope that during this project I have been a creative and helpful addition to the cast as I always try
and suggest ideas or innovations for moments. I also believe that I've built up my resilience in the
professional environment, I think it is important to understand criticism and suggestions without
feeling offended or disheartened. This can often be something that can be challenging to overcome
however is vital in this industry. As I am subjected to more of this in the future, I hope I can learn to
move past it and improve accordingly. Additionally, I also think I have developed my skills in
organisation and punctuality. I was on time for almost every rehearsal and made sure to be in every
day. As this process moves quite rapidly, missing a day would not only make things challenging for
me but the other members of the company, which is why it was especially important I was present
every day. It was also important that in the rehearsal room I was organised and planned my time
efficiently. During times when I was not needed, I took this time to go over lines and annotate my
script. This helped me greatly and allowed me to know where I was at each moment of the show. I
also created my own methods of note taking so I could do things in the most efficient and
straightforward way that worked for me. I felt capable of learning my lines successfully and the
blocking of scenes. This helped me a lot in this rehearsal period, and I would like to take these skills
and transfer them to other projects.

Production Week

In the final week, we moved into the egg theatre for our tech week. This was the first time we had
ever performed the play in its official setting and stage. This proved to be quite a big shift as many
things were different from our rehearsal space, for example, the sound travelled differently, we were
using the set for the first time, some of the staging no longer worked. Luckily, we were able to
overcome all of these by the end of the week. One thing that surprised me was how different the
volume levels were, due to the eggs shape and design, we had to be especially loud, or the sound
would be lost. I found it quite challenging to have the same emotional and intimate moments with a
louder volume as I was concerned some of the emotion would be lost. However, to the audience this
volume was perfect. Additionally, the set was different to how we had imagined so we had to adjust
certain moments to fit this. One issue we faced was a lift in the song ‘I'm great honest’ we struggled
to find the right positioning to make sure it was as safe as possible. We spent lots of time developing
this and practicing so we could make it as efficient as possible so by the show, we were fully
prepared for this moment. I feel that during tech I became more productive and engaged as the
pressure of the show increased. This motivated me to be fully committed when acting and in
character. I enjoyed the adrenaline that comes with performing on a real stage and this helped
encourage me to keep the same motivation throughout.
Dress runs are vital for practicing how a show will flow and understanding what moments need
tweaking. What was slightly unconventional about our first dress run was having a nearly full
audience of our peers. I found this quite personally challenging as the nerves of the show caused me
to feel jittery and anxious at times. These emotions are normal with a first run through however they
were exaggerated by the presence of a full audience. However, I feel this was a good decision as we
needed to be subjected to an audience's response to feel prepared. I also accepted that during dress
runs, its normal for there to be mistakes and challenging moments. As a perfectionist, this can often
be something I struggle with, but by the second dress run, I believe I had a more positive mindset.
One example of a moment that did not go perfectly but was overcome was the prop positioning and
locating. The wings in the egg stage are very dark and difficult to navigate. This caused a moment
halfway through the show where I had the wrong prop so had to improvise and use another one in
its place. Although this was stressful, I am glad I thought quickly in the moment and could adjust the
scene to work. By the second dress run, we were able to overcome this issue by making sure the
stage manager was aware of where everything needed to be, and we did checks before each
performance to make sure no props were missing. Furthermore, another challenging moment in the
dress runs was getting used to using all the official props and costumes. Before, we had used stand
ins, so we needed to get used to the final designs. One issue I faced was that my trousers were too
short, this led me to feel quite conscious of it and struggle in some of the movement moments.
However, I communicated this to the costume department so I could get a replacement pair for the
show. This allowed me to feel much more confident and in character. Overall, although we faced
challenges during our dress runs, both were vital in understanding the flow of the show and
adapting to any issues that arose.

Our first performance was on the Friday night with a nearly full house. I felt it went very successfully
with the help of the dress run practice. Any challenging moments that appeared were overcome and
did not hinder the quality of the show. One thing we realised was not working was the transition out
of cassies scene, we found we were getting stuck behind the curtains and set which caused a traffic
jam in the wings. This was distracting for the next scene and looked unorganised. So, this is
something we wanted to change on the opening night. We decided to split the sides we exit from
which worked very well. We were able to communicate in the wings to help each other pass and get
through with large set pieces. This allowed this moment to run quite smoothly in the performance
and was much improved. Another moment we faced some difficulties with was the lift in the song,
this was still causing some problems with us, so we took time after to readjust our technique and
research ways of making it as safe and comfortable as possible. As this can be a dangerous move to
go wrong, it was particularly important to us that the person being lifted felt secure and safe. In the
show, the audience loved this moment and were impressed by it, which was rewarding considering
the time we spent getting it right. I personally also feel my performance was better on the first show
compared to the dress run, I believe this was due to the adrenaline of performing and I understood I
would only live this moment two more times. I tried to create a character that was believable and put
in practice all the criticisms and suggestions that was given by our director. This ended in me
performing in a way I was happy with and proud of.

Our second performance was on the Saturday night with a full house. I felt this was the most
successful run of the show we had ever done. Everyone was full of energy and enthusiasm for our
last show. We knew this was the last time we would ever sing these songs and play this character, so
we wanted to make the most of this moment. I also felt my acting was more authentic and genuine
as I felt I fully understood the characters desires and emotions after playing her for so long. I felt
most of the show was down to muscle memory with allowed me to feel less anxious and enjoy the
experience more- which I think came across on stage. Additionally, as a cast we were much more
enthusiastic as a whole and could bounce off each other whilst acting. We took this time to enjoy the
show and what we had created. We were all so proud of what we had achieved and knew we would
not replicate it again. This led to a sense of community and understanding between us- which is
exactly what the sad club aims to achieve. By the end of the show, we were all happy with how it
went and grateful for the experience. I think we created an amusing and pointiest show that the
audiences enjoyed. I think we conveyed all the themes and principles that the show tries to achieve
and have created a lasting impression on its viewers. I loved the experience and am grateful for the
invaluable skills I have learnt along the way which I cannot wait to carry to my next project.