tojitsukaisen

Imagine attending a dinner party in the Demon Lord's castle and while the brothers,
Barbatos and Diavolo are enjoying (maybe a little too much) Demonus, all sorts of
boozy talk goes around the table. Diavolo and Satan, who are both seated on either
side of you are in a heated discussion about the importance of law-restrictions
concerning imported goods from other regions in the Devildom and you've been trying
to block out their voices since you truly, with all due respect, cannot find it
within you to give a shit considering your post-exam exhaustion. Meanwhile across
from you Barbatos is indulging a drooling Beel in describing his famous baked goods
recipes in detail while Asmodeus is so lost in his own reflection in his spoon his
tears are freely flowing down his delicate cheeks. Mammon and Levi are currently
holding a cheesy pick-up line contest, where surprisingly or unsurprisingly Levi
has the lead, and even Lucifer can't hide the amused little quirk of his lips as he
absentmindedly listens in on their conversation while he pretends to focus on Satan
ramble on about different bills of legislation he read about the other day. And as
you look down below the table you find the youngest brother happily snoring away
with a 500-year-old Demonus bottle in one arm and your leg tightly in the other.

Everyone is involved in their own little world and while you love listening to
everyone's drunken ramblings, you can't help but feel a little left out. Demonus
doesn't affect humans, and because there aren't really many humans in the Devildom,
there are no drinks that specifically cater to the inebriation of them. Not that
you normally mind, but being surrounded by your second family whilst they are
enjoying their lowered inhibitions and are looking a little dopey with their rose-
colored cheeks and slightly lidded eyes, you find yourself sighing and off-handedly
mumble you kinda miss being intoxicated and join in on blowing off some steam.

No one replies to your comment, but slowly the conversation drifts back from the
little bubbles that were created to the entirety of the group and soon you're back
to being part of the conversation and laughing along with the rest of them. The
remainder of the evening is spent in laughter and some tears (it's Asmo, he's an
emotional drunk after he hits bottle number 3), but you overall had a good time and
by the time you're tucked back in bed at the House of Lamentation, you've forgotten
all about your little FOMO outburst and drift happily to sleep.

There is one demon, however, that did not forget that easily.

Three weeks later, after some gruelling Student Council work that may or may not
have mostly been having to deal with Beel once again eating the new common room
chairs and Mammon having stolen yet another set of valuable tomes and maps to sell
on Akuzon, the Prince decided it was worth celebrating your first month of being a
part of the Student Council with a party at his castle.

After Asmodeus dressed you in the newest designer dress by Devildom's own Loki
Vuitton, you and your seven companions arrive at the lavishly decorated ballroom of
the Demon Lord's castle. You dread having to stand on a raised platform with all
noble demon eyes scrutinizing your every move while Lord Diavolo gives a short
speech in your reverence and applauds your dedication to RAD, but it passes soon
enough (although not before you almost trip on your heels when you descend back to
the dance floor, but luckily Lucifer, ever the gentleman, manages to grab your
upper arm before you face-plant in front of the Devildom's gentry).

You don't really question Diavolo's enthousiastic request to follow him after the
party starts to die down a bit as he mentions something about an afterparty for the
nine demons and their reputable human, but some doubt starts creeping up on you as
you hear the bi-colored-nailed and white-haired demon giggle behind you. You barely
have time to throw them a questioning look as you're pulled into a spacious and
dimly lit room with modern looking furniture big enough to seat the ten of you,
resembling one of the fancier rooms of the Corvo Hotel in the human realm. As you
scan the room, you have to do a doube-take as your eyes land on the enormous glass
coffee table in the middle of the room.

However it is not just a coffee table. It is a coffee table covered in something

you'd only think possible in Hollywood movies about mobsters and filthy rich
socialites. Before you lies an obscenely large array of drugs and alcohol, enough
to kill you about a hundred times over. There is nothing that can prepare you for
the next thing that comes out of the red-haired Prince.

"Tadaaaaa!" Diavolo gestures with open arms to the table in front of him with his
wide signature smile, a gesture that normally warms and charms you within seconds,
but it's something that this time around leaves you with nothing but an open mouth
and a twitch of your eye.

"Excu- I'm sorry, I- I jus-, what is 'tadaa'?!" you whisper-shout incredulously.

"I took notice of your critical assessment of the dinner party a while back, and I
must apologize for my forgetfulness when it comes down to your humanity. The entire
goal of this exchange is to include humans and angels alike in our cultural
activities, and I was amiss in not accounting for the fact that Demonus and other
inebriating substances of the Devildom do not work on human bodies. I never
intended for you to feel left out, so consider this my reparations."

"M'kay. So... Okay. I- I still need more explanation." you manage to splutter out.

"Well, you see, I had Barbatos go up the human world and find the absolute best
quality substances he could find, so you could have your pick. No stone was left
unturned. So. Tadaa?" he gestures a little less enthousiastically, sensing your
confusion.

"My lord is quite right, I did not leave anything up to chance. What you see here
laid out before you is the crème-de-la crème, as the human expression goes, of
human-world narcotics. I can vouch for that myself, as the contacts I have used
were meticulous in their sourcing and brewing. No grimm, or rather dollar, euro or
yen, was spared. You need not worry about the quality." the butler lays out his
explanation matter-of-factly.

"Is that meth?!" you shout while inspecting the arrangement before you.

"The man I bought it from informed me that it was of "Breaking Bad quality." he
says with his hands making air quotes, "What that particular phrase means, however,
is lost on me, but he assured me it was effective."

"It's a popcultu- never mind that. Listen, not that I'm not touched how much you
want to include me, I am! This is weirdly enough ...so sweet, but this is.. This is
not at all what I was talking about. I thought maybe some wine...a beer? Not stuff
to put me into a coma... I mean I'm pretty sure this is a horse tranquilizer... And
wh- what is that?!"

"That would be Ayahuasca, a psychedelic, some have said it connects them to a

higher power, ancestors even." Barbatos explains.

"You want me to trip balls and see my grandmother during a dinner party?!"

"You could see your grandmother at any time, since she was sent down here when she
died" Diavolo mutters with a frowned expression.
"MY NANA IS IN HELL?!"

"I think we might be losing track of the matter at hand" Lucifer sighs while
pinching the bridge of nose and shooting a glare at Diavolo.

You almost flinch at the sound of the voice of the oldest brother. You were so lost
in your shock and your whiplash you forgot they stood behind you. You quickly spin
on your heels.

"You two," you point at Asmodeus and Mammon with narrowed eyes "You knew about
this, didn't you?!"

"Oi, don't go accusing the Great Mammon, I dunno what you're talkin' about, human!
I dunno know jack shit!" Mammon points back accusingly.

"Imagine that" Levi says sarcastically under his breath, earning him an elbow in
the ribs from his white-haired brother.

"I did." Asmo smirks back at you.

"You assured me this was the right pick" Lord Diavolo looks at the fifth-born
dumbfounded with a pout on his face, gesturing at the pile of narcotics.

"I'm sorry, this was way too funny of an opportunity to pass up." Asmo laughs
airily. "Besides, this was the perfect chance to learn some naughty things about
our cute little human~" he coos at you.

"Well, I'm really glad you didn't make this weird" Satan grimaces at his younger
brother.

The lot of you spend the next few minutes so focused on the discussion, you all
miss the event that is unfurling next to you. As everyone is talking and shouting
over each other, there suddenly is a high-pitched screech that quiets the room
almost immediately.

"BEEL, NO!" Leviathian cries out in an inhuman wail.

You look dumbfounded at the orange-haired demon that just inhaled the entire
surface of the coffee table. "Oh. My. God. NO! BEEL!" You fall to your knees and
try to drag him up, yet unable to do so. "Oh my god, oh my god, okay, okay, it's
okay, I had a dog when I was younger and it ate a buttload of chocolate once, we
just have to get him to throw up and he'll be fine" you ramble on.

"A dog? Why are you comparing him to a dog?" Mammon shouts.

"I don't know, Mammon, I don't know the protocol for when a demon eats multiple
pounds of different hard drugs at once!" you bellow.

"He'll be fine, he's eaten worse", Belphie deadpans.

"I-what, are you sure?" you're unconsciously rubbing Beel's back with one hand and
holding his cheek in the other. "Of course," Barbatos adds. "Human world narcotics
don't affect demons. I dare say that this was better than Beelzebub eating the
expensive new chairs we ordered for the common room." The butler softly scolds an
apologetically looking Beel.

"Well. That solves that problem. What a night..." Lucifer sighs.

You finally calm down a bit and release the breath you had been holding and
whisper:

"Yeah. After all this I could use a drink...

or something stronger."

You smile smugly when you feel every demon in the room scowl at you. (please
picture that one meme with the white cat that has all the knives pointed at them,
that's it, that's you)