A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

A lightbulb went on today

Are you scared? Honestly, I’m scared. Even after decades of doing my internal work of slaying

fears one by one, there are other fears that pop up to be dealt with each day. My former life

with parental and societal education, on top of religious education, taught me that the proper

way to deal with fear was to minimize it when speaking, or distract myself from feeling the

fear, or take a deep breath and bully myself into doing it, and de nitely NEVER admit the fear

to anyone else as then that information would be used against me in some way.

Of course, these tools of handling fear did bring some coping mechanisms that stabilized

myself in what felt like unstable times. BUT the side effects of stuf ng my true feelings, or

denying them, took a very huge toll on my quality of life and my health. Even though I have

found new ways of dealing with fear now, the chronic use of those old techniques, year after

year, has done its damage which I partly live with to this day. On the other hand, my new tools

continue to help me improve my quality of life and minimize the damage that fear can bring.

Actually, now fear helps me grow in a more healthy way with my new tools. Do your fears help

you yet?

Today a lightbulb went on recognizing that I am constantly helping myself every day with

these tools and constantly teaching them to others throughout each day. Why not write a

piece SHOWING one of my fears that I have been pecking away at little by little in action?

Why not let you see my internal processes? I mean, the new ways I deal with fear and teach

others to deal with it are freaking working! And the ‘side-effects’ are more peace, better

health, more hope, not feeling alone in the middle of a fearful situation, and feeling heard. Duh,

Katrina! It’s time to share and let other fellow humans feel that same freedom you are getting.

And you can thank this ‘lightbulb moment’ on a chronic fear that I have been directly facing

before, but especially since my former husband passed away a few months ago. I am about to

share with you one of my lovely ‘Fear Monsters’ and how to make fears start melting away.

Enjoy!

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

How do I face ‘The Fear Monster’ and make

it start shrinking
My mind frequently turns its attention to one of my daunting projects written on my ‘list of

things to accomplish and gure out’, namely, how do I nd the utmost loving thing for everyone

in making sure my adult special needs son gets all the care he needs and all the respect he

deserves as a child of God? I am limited. The world is limited. I’m not a spring chicken anymore

and I don’t have the strength to do it all. My son is bigger and older and that does not make it

easier anymore. My mind continues to drag up even more fears around this situation: My

younger son, who has been watching him, needs to be free to live a life and grow. He is willing

to watch him for a few more years BUT I know, that deeeeep mother knowing, this is not good

for my younger son. And there there is the fact that I HAVE to work for soooo many reasons,

and my work includes travel. Quite frankly, I love the job and it pays well. I DEFINITELY would

not be able to nd a job that is this exible and pays this well anywhere else. And even if I

stayed home with my special needs son and got others to support me to do that, I hate to

admit it, I’m embarrassed to admit it, I squirm to admit that I do not have the life force,

strength, and energy, to give him what he really needs day in and day out. I did take care of

him, physically, educationally, emotionally, and spiritually with everything I had for all his

years on Earth into his adulthood, but I’m weaker and more tired out now. Age is not helpful

here. Yeah, the feeling is shame for having to even admit this to God, myself, and others. I,

Katrina, am not The Savior. Shock! Woe is me! It is revealed, at last, most clearly to myself,

that the limited human being, named Katrina, cannot be the full answer to my son’s needs.

What to think of myself?! What to do?! How do I get for my son what I think he needs but

cannot provide for him to receive?! Cry, cry, cry. Sigh, sigh, sigh. ... and for the men reading this,

I admit that this is mostly a "female or motherly" fear. Just replace it for yourself with a fear of

not "performing" (whatever) or not being "man" enough. Fear is fear, whether you are male or

female.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Alright, alright, I admit putting on the drama a bit here, but inside, when feelings are talking,

with the feeling of fear attached to it, I think most of us have this type of intense internal

dialog with ourselves. Why do I think most of us do? HA! Because I have heard thousands upon

thousands of stories being told to me by people who trust me with their true feelings reveal a

similar pattern. Maybe I have ‘gotten lucky’ and just hit the right people in my life. But if I were

a betting woman (which I am not), my guess is that you, my fellow human, have dealt with

intense internal or external self dialog that experiences fear over situations you feel out of

control in. If that is not something you struggle with, please write a book and let the world

know how you sidestepped feeling fear in your life. And please, please be kind enough to send

me a copy! Thank you. Lol.

So how do I deal with complex fears like this now? How do I face The Fear Monster and make it

start shrinking, and then continue to shrink, and then disappear? Let me continue with what

happened to me today in my head after I let all my feelings be heard, this time not only by

myself but now by you. Thank you very much for ‘listening’.

To set up this discussion happening in my head so you can understand its dialog, I have labeled

one part of me having this internal conversation, 'Me', and I have labeled the other part of me

speaking back to the rst part 'Myself'. (If you are anything like me, I could have a few more

parts jumping in to the internal party too, but thankfully this was only a two-part-of-me

interaction.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Internal dialog Example

Part 1 - Me:
- “Here I go again getting worked up and trying to gure out this complex problem. Man, I hate

that I am not unlimited! It freaking stinks! I’m freaking scared that I won’t be able to provide

what my son needs and deserves. Will God be angry with me for not being able to do

everything for my son? I know I am angry with myself. I'm scared and frustrated! Ugh!”

Part 2 - Myself:
“Wait, Katrina, you have felt these feelings a million times in your life and you gured out how

to calm yourself down. Remember that you have been able to feel better and come out of this

feeling?”

Part 1 - Me:
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I do remember I helped myself feel better. Heck, I have helped many

people feel better. What was it that I am not doing at the moment that worked?” Pause, pause,

pause, ten seconds later…

“Oh right! Sheesh, it is so freaking hard to remember my own tools in the middle of these

intense feelings. Yeah. First I slow down and then hear myself out. I just did that pretty well. I

felt the fear and let it be heard with words just the way they really are. I heard myself, which is

more important than anyone else hearing me. Man, do I have compassion for myself right now

in the midst of this fear - look at that! I just went into step two of not only showing up for

myself but genuinely listening with COMPASSION and NOT judgment! Hey, I have

internalized some of this work for me to be able to get to this point so quickly. My method

works! I think God gets the credit. I think He taught me how to do this.”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Part 1 - Me continues:
“So, Me and Myself are now on the same page of hearing, accepting, and recognizing my fears.

Man that feels better already! I don’t feel so alone. I am showing up for myself. Good girl! Now

what? I still don’t have answers to x the problem. I want a solution because that is the thing

bugging me in the rst place that made me have an internal emotional fear dance. I know I

have done this a million times but it still takes slowing down, breathing slowly, and

remembering what I have done over and over and taught over and over. Lol. Kinda pathetic.

Yet kinda endearing. I get to be a child growing like everyone else. I get to have patience with

myself as I get better and better. (Smiling).

Part 2 - Myself:
“The answer to all my woes is? Uuuuum…(pause for six seconds). Oh yeah! I remember! I am

telling myself a story about how bad it is that I don’t have the answers or the strength to get

what I want for my son! I am believing by a sick faith that everything is so wrong and that my

son won’t get his needs met unless I can become a miracle worker. And I know I am not THAT

good of a miracle worker and I am scared! I am choosing to believe I hold his future in my hands

and if it’s not a bright future then I’m the one to blame! Is this crap coming up again?!!! Ugh!

Yeah, I see how I got here again because I was sort of pushed and conditioned to believe this

kind of story growing up. I am transposing that crappy faith and belief onto this situation!

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

But I was trained to think that way and now I know what God taught me, the very hard way, to

just make up a different story with a different faith in something else. Lady, I have compassion

for you, and now it’s time to shift gears and get my true faith on. You know, why don't you tell

yourself a story that makes you happy to believe whether you can prove it to yourself or

anyone else? It’s the SAME amount of faith to believe that everything is terrible and going to

not work out without a miracle that you cannot provide, as to believe by faith that it’s not all

up to me, it’s okay that I am limited, and that I can think God cares for my son even more than I

know how to. Sure, I have had my doubts about the goodness of God, but I also have proof that

He gives abundantly to those who believe more in His abundance and not as much in His

perceived lack. Look! He made the world. That is abundant! He made each generation have life

and gave them all the breaths during that life. That’s a whole lot of breaths to give and sustain!

Plants still produce food in abundance even with all the damage we have created. That is

abundance.”

Part 1 - Me comes back:

“Okay, okay, okay! I’m back baby! I can start to turn this hopelessness and despair from my

fears into faith in something good. I have a better chance of getting something better by

believing in something better. Believing in something less only makes me miserable and makes

me complain. I used to believe that if I complained and made it look obvious to all that things

were unfair, that would get me what I want - victimhood! How many times have I ridden that

insanity train?! Too many to have experienced that it does NOT work. Alright, time to get off

that ‘Fear Train’ and get on to the ‘Belief In Good Things Train’ even if you're not fully

convinced it could be a true train that works.”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Part 2 - Myself chimes in again:

“Be careful now! Don’t be going on to the “Denial Train” where you just shove that fear down

and deny it, and start singing “Praise The Lord!” Really loud until I don’t feel the fear any longer

because I suppressed it…

Go slow. Breathe. Feel the fear and at the same time gently feel the power to start sharing the

fears with God. Hey, you went through the stage of being honest with yourself. THAT can be a

scary step in and of itself! But if you can do that step, you can do this one - Just tell God your

fears and discomforts just as they are, just as you told yourself. Do it slowly, and believe He is

listening and cares. Hey, whether you can prove He listens and cares or not, it feels better to

believe He does. I want to feel better. I have NOTHING to lose by believing He cares even if I

don’t understand how. Hey, I have never met him in person. No one has until they die. So

whatever bad I have thought of God was just learned from others. I can choose to think

differently because God made me be able to make choices. I don’t have to be a ‘sheeple’ (people

who act like sheep and just do what everyone else is doing). Heck! I have been trying the

‘sheeple’ way of doing things and it didn’t work so why would I keep that insanity up and get

sicker and more depressed from their way? Been there! Done with that!”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Part 1 - Me comes back again:

“God, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do for Your special needs son that You gave me to take

care of. I don’t have unlimited strength and resources to give him everything. I feel like I am in

a no-win situation and You will be mad at me for not being able to do the impossible. But I know

people I grew up with taught me to see You that way. They treated me that way. If I could not

do something right because I was not strong enough or did not have enough resources, then I

got punished severely. That made me afraid and made me believe I had to nd the answers no

matter what de cits I have. They said You were the same way and I believed them. I am

choosing to not believe them any longer once again. I still feel like it might be true that You

expect things from me that are impossible for me, but I also now “emotionally stick out my

tongue” toward that feeling and question it. I can question it and it’s safe to question things,

unlike when I was young.

You gave me the ability to question things so it must not be that bad to use that ability. God, I

choose to reach way down inside of myself and believe that maybe what I was taught about

You and what you want from me was a lie. I mean, supposedly You showed that You did not

decide to make no way for me to succeed. I was taught that You made a way for me to not be

perfect in character, love, resources, and de cits of every kind, and still be loved and accepted

by You. Those people who taught me that sure did not treat me like that was true, but I can

believe their words if I want more than their actions in this circumstance if I want. Their words

and actions were DEFINITELY not congruent. Yeah. Sigh. I admit my words and actions have

not always been congruent while I have been a human struggling to grow. It is so freaking hard

to be human! Ugh! I feel for any fellow human being trying to gure this life out! We all have it

wrong down here because we can’t see very well from our lowly standpoint. You know this.”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Part 1 - Me gets even more intense:

“My insides scream for Your son that You gave to me to take care of. I am afraid he will lose the

best life he has ever experienced from moving here to Germany to this day, almost 7 years

now. The years before that were not so kind to him or to me. I don’t ever want him to have to

regress back into bad years! He has had it hard enough!”

Part 2 - Myself speaks again:

“You taught me that believing in bad things usually sets me up to experience things in a worse

way. Man did I learn that well over many years right down to my last nervous breakdown! I am

glad You showed up and showed me that I could believe in good things if I wanted to even if I

could not prove they were true. You showed me that I could be like a child and just make up my

own story. I could suspend my disbelief and cynicism and ‘play’ a new game of believing in

wonderful things being able to just show up and be in my life. I can play make-believe into

reality when it comes to believing in Your goodness toward me and toward others.

THAT was a changing point in my life, God, when you showed me this! I was able to be free to

think something different even though I could not prove it, and THEN when I believed You

were being good to me I started to experience it! People around me started to experience it

too! And even today, people experience it! I have proof! I have proof that You are good when I

think you are. And I have proof that I can safely bring to You the areas that are still growing

out of old tendencies of believing in everything being bad, and me not being good enough, and

that it’s all doomed to fail without me somehow creating miracles.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Yeah, I gently choose to feel the shift from feeling afraid to feeling like You will catch us in this

situation and make things even better than what Your son (my earthly son) has now! Maybe

the changes that Your son is facing now (moving from a known special needs center to a new

one), and the things that are being taken away from him will be hard for him. But maybe I just

think it will be hard for him based on my own fears. Honestly, I think it’s going to be hard for

him because I know him well.

But God, I know you sometimes allow us to go through some very hard things and take things

away only because it has to go away to make room for something even better You want to

give. So maybe it will be hard for him and me for a while, but it could be only to give him better.

I have plenty of instances to see where I have had to take something away from kids not good

for them and give them something better. I have had it done to me soooo many times. You do

the same thing. I choose to believe You are doing the same thing here with Your son. It soothes

me to believe it. It helps stabilize my heart and lower my fear to believe it. I win however it

turns out because if I just believe You are giving something good and never let go of that belief

then I will get through this calmer and with more hope.

AND, I will have done my job as a Mom interceding for Your son by asking You to be very much

in control of whatever transitions You provide for him. You will comfort him. You will help

stabilize him. You will provide wonderful opportunities for him. You will help me stay slow and

trust in You, who is the true answer. I’m not the answer. You are.”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Part 1 - Me chiming in again:

“So, I am afraid. I admit it. But less afraid because I choose to believe You hear my complaint of

not wanting Your son to lose what he has that has been so wonderful for him. But I am not

complaining, which is believing everything is so bad and that You won’t help, because I believe

You are either going to let him keep what he has, OR You are going to provide something even

better than I could ever imagine for him! I choose to start getting excited and curious to see

the good things You do and show in this situation.

I am choosing to decide to believe something really great is happening and You are slowly

unfolding Your plan for Your son before my eyes, where I get to be in awe of what You do! Oh,

man! I know You give good gifts! They tend to be withheld from me when I complain and

believe everything is so bad and You won’t show up. You seem to hate my complaining. But

when I tell you my complaints, and that I believe You will help me, I have seen You open the

doors to Your storehouses of gifts and shower me and those around me with such wonderful

things!

Okay, God, I am going to go slow and every time I feel like I am getting more afraid in this

situation, I will remember that I believe in something good coming out of what does not look so

good.

Thank You for helping me calm down God and remember who You are to me and who I am to

You. You are my Father and you like taking care of me and Your son that I take care of. I am

your daughter and You are helping me to grow up to be like You. You will nish the work You

have started in me, with patience, kindness, hope, believing in all things, enduring all things,

and never ever giving up on me! I am safe!”

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Here’s what the process looks like

So that is what my internal dialog looks like when I am working out something. That was my

internal dialog today except for one part - I kept my special needs son’s name, Zachary, out of

the dialog. And I kept my younger son’s name, Caleb out of the dialog. It is my hope that what I

was struggling with today might be generic enough for women AND men who are struggling

with their own fears. It is my hope for you to be able to transpose your own situations onto the

dialog and slowly go through it yourself to help yourself through the internal struggle of going

from fear to genuine faith-building.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Here are the basic steps in the process:

1. SLOW DOWN when you feel angry, anxious, or scared and just feel it while

breathing SLOWLY and moving SLOWLY or not moving at all. Don't distract yourself

from your feelings. NOTE: If you have too much energy to calm yourself down then

some form of moving in a SAFE manner rst will dissipate some of that energy.

Maybe you scream if it won't startle anyone, hit a pillow, stomp up and down with no

one around, jog in place in a bathroom stall. Go to a private place with no one around

to get that energy out. Don't pollute others with your energy and hurt them while

you are processing. That's not loving. After letting out some of that energy THEN go

in to breathing slowly and moving slowly after this.

2. LISTEN TO YOURSELF WITH COMPASSION and not judgement. Let your feelings

express themselves safely through forming words to speak to YOURSELF about

what you see and feel. In speaking to yourself, you might say it out loud in a safe

place to YOURSELF (other people are a distraction to talk to at rst), or you might

write down what you feel your feelings are saying. De nitely put words to the

feelings and listen to those words and feelings! And an important point by the way:

even if the thoughts that come up seem to be to another part of you stupid or

untrue, just let it be heard gently the way it is, don't try to correct it. If you try to

correct the fear, it will just become more stubborn.

3. TELL GOD YOUR FEARS and discomforts just as they are, just as you told yourself.

Do it slowly, and believe He is listening and cares. Hey, whether you can prove He

listens and cares or not, it feels better to believe He does. Make believe to the degree

you have to. It still works.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

4. CONSCIOUSLY CHANGE YOUR STORY that you are telling yourself. You are

miserable because you are CHOOSING to tell yourself how bad it is which takes just

as much faith to believe as going ahead and making up another story. Remember it is

NOT all up to you alone . God is ALWAYS there with you with His love, power, and

answers (For those saying, "Katrina, stop right there! I am mad at God" or "I don't

believe God is there for me so this is NOT going to work for me." Let me just say I am

writing another book on that issue alone that I hope to nish soon, AND you don't

have to fully believe it to go ahead and make up a story AS IF you believed it and still

do this process I am creating. Even if you roll your eyes while you tell yourself a

different story, this process still works. I know because I have done it from that place

over and over and it works. Use part of yourself to feel and listen gently to what your

emotions are saying. Let it believe what it does, and at the same time, let another

part of you gently nd hope and speak a new story that you made up about the

situation that would make you happier to believe.

Repeat that new story over and over again slowly and calmly. Do not become
dogmatic in trying to force any beliefs into any part of yourself. If you become

dogmatic, then you are not listening to yourself but trying to force a part of you to

change against its will. This leads to more damage. It leads into a struggle in which

only one side of you 'wins' temporarily. The struggle still exists and is not healed.

Instead, part of you is overpowered and either has to go into denial of its feelings, or

become angry and start to use its energy against yourself in rebellion.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Repeating this process over and over starts to shrink “The Fear Monster” and make it

disappear as you keep doing it slowly and HONESTLY. When I say honestly, I mean that you

admit your fear to yourself and to God and keep admitting it is there, while you still

consciously CHOOSE to believe in new ideas about God, yourself, and circumstances. You

might feel 99.9% fear when you start and only 0.01% belief that there could be something

good coming out of everything.

It is TOTALLY ok to be that much into fear and only 0.01% decide to give what I am saying a

try... only because you have nothing more to lose by trying! Seriously, the more you repeat this

process over and over, the more results you will experience where those numbers start to

change. Keep going and you might have to begrudgingly be honest with yourself and realize

that you now are at 98% believing in your fear and have 2% belief in good. By the way in this

process I never saw any real difference between men and women.

If you’re anything like me, giving up my attitude and admitting that my faith in good things is

growing, is still a challenge. It is a revealing of the pride I have attached to my attitude of fear!

I feel justi ed in my attitude of fear and therefore entitled to have all solutions handed to me

on a silver platter otherwise life seems unfair (aka- complaining). THAT, my fellow human, is

the ugly head of pride that wants to keep its attitude. But hey, maybe I’m the only one who has

these types of games going on inside myself. Ahem. Does anybody want to confess, or are you

going to let me hang out here on my own? Lol!

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

One more technique to grow in faith

I have one more technique to add to get the full effects of moving from fear to believing in

good that helps your growth in that direction go quicker and smoother.

If you listen to me long enough or read what I write a lot, you will see this technique mentioned

over and over and… BECAUSE IT WORKS.

It seems that the fellow humans I help can be like myself and put things off until it is

PERFECTLY clear and painful that what they are doing is not working. Denial is not working.

Giving in to fear is not working. Fighting is not working. Bargaining is not working. Addictions

to ease fear and pain are no longer working. NOTHING is working anymore.

Only then am I ready to give up some of my precious time to do something that might

work.

This technique seems to be one of those tools only used by the totally desperate soul. But once

they start using it, and seeing it works, they are ‘lifers’ in using it. They come back to it. I come

back to it all the time. Actually, to be honest, I’m sort of in the stage where I have done it so

many times that I now know when to "stop all other crap" and use it. This process helped me

learn to slow down throughout my day when I feel unbalanced and reorient myself.

Preferably once an hour, every two hours if that is all you can do, or less if you feel you have to

start slower, set an alarm on your phone or wherever. When the alarm goes off, either do this

exercise in your head or in a safe place out loud. It will take you about 2 minutes (that means if

you did this ten times in a day it would take 20 minutes to start changing your inside and then

outside circumstances).

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

 A Process to to Go from Fear to Believing in God's Goodness

1. Breathe slowly in and out for a minimum of three breaths. That is the amount of time

it takes for you to slow your brain down and focus on the next task and be less

distracted.

2. Think or say gently, “I am here and God is here. I am okay because He is helping me.”

3. Think or say gently, “God, thank You for helping me in the last hour (even though I

might not have been able to perceive it)”.

4. Think or say gently, “God, I ask you to help me in this next hour. I believe You will,

and I will try to look for proof that you have in this next hour and thank you for what

I see.”

5. Amen

This very short exercise works! And you can change out the words as you are inspired by your

unique circumstances as they come up. Keeping it short and sweet will keep you motivated to

keep doing it.

Alright, another writing done to share ‘secrets’ of success in getting further in my walk with

God and feeling better about myself as I go. May this writing give a HUGE black eye to the

shrinking face of ‘The Fear Monsters’ in the world! They are going down and faith is rising up!

Hugs to all my fellow humans, men and women, out there and a big hallelujah!

DISCLAIMER: All written content in this e-book is copyrighted intellectual property. Katrina does not authorize others to teach or

distribute her work. Any of her written materials including this e-book are intended for personal use only. No written material

from this e-book may be reproduced without explicit permission from Katrina in writing.

Copyright Katrina | Owned by Love

Hi, I'm Katrina!
Loving God and others as yourself has never been an easy task for anyone. It
seems as though we are told our whole life to be nice: do unto others as we
would like done to us. Yet each one struggles to actually live it out. Even those
who told us to live by that rule do not always practice what they preach. We get
hurt. Hurt people hurt other people. I’ve spent my whole life trying to make sense
of my (often painful) existence and after decades of immersing myself in the
messy human experience and serving Love through my relationships with other
people, I nally found what I was looking for. A LOVE that liberates me and
EVERYONE around me. Now I teach—and keep learning from others- how to
receive love and give love. It’s a fabulous, messy process!

If you liked the tools found

here, please come explore my
Blog where I share everything
I know about how we can be
Love in action in our daily
lives.