tugging on heartstrings

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/55779850.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandoms: Video Blogging RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Relationship: Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Characters: Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF)
Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Friends With
Benefits, Anal Sex, Size Kink, Pet Names, First Time, Bottom Sapnap
(Video Blogging RPF), Top Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF),
Enthusiastic Consent, Laughter During Sex, Banter, No Aftercare,
Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Hopeful Ending, Condoms
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-05-08 Words: 10,207 Chapters: 1/1
 tugging on heartstrings
by JanetBaby99

Summary

“Have you never felt like that? Like, you just really need to be with someone, not just your
hand?” Dream asks, genuinely, face bright red now. It’s disgustingly adorable on him.
“I-yeah, I have,” Sapnap confirms. “It’s way better than by yourself. I get it.”
“Not that there’s anything I can do about it,” Dream shrugs.
“Um… do you want to have sex with me?” Sapnap offers without thinking.
And then, he does think.
His stomach drops, anxiety filling his chest and making him queasy. His face turns bright red,
and he immediately regrets opening his stupid mouth.
“... Really?” Dream asks curiously, voice and face neutral.

______________________

Dream is pent up and craving sex, so Sapnap offers to sleep with him, promising that it won't
mean anything even though he is in love with him. After a hurtful comment, Sapnap realizes
that it means too much to him, and Dream tries to save their relationship after a fight.

Notes

Thank you Quiche and Otter for letting me bug you about this fic so much :D
Sorry I haven't posting as often as I used to, that's gonna change this summer I pinky promise
once finals are done :))

See the end of the work for more notes

“How are you not bored out of your mind?” Sapnap asks, plopping down onto Dream’s bed.
It doesn’t look like the man has moved a single inch since this morning when Sapnap came in
to bug him, too locked in on his project.

Dream’s room is dark, illuminated by the glow of his computer and monitor and the faintest
light from the window. The ceiling fan turns lazily above them, creating a soft atmosphere
that Sapnap thinks he might just could nap in. It would be kind of funny to come into
Dream’s room, annoy him, take a nap in his bed and then leave, and Sapnap has nothing
better to do at the moment.

“What?” Dream asks, sitting up slightly as if he just now noticed that Sapnap was even in the
room with him.

“I asked, how are you not bored out of your mind?” Sapnap grabs Dream’s pillow, stuffing it
under his head and making himself comfy. “You haven’t moved even an inch since I came in
here earlier.”

“You came in here earlier?” Dream asks genuinely, looking over his shoulder with a confused
worry in his brow.

“What?” Sapnap hisses incredulously. “Yes? We- you talked to me for like an hour?”

“Oh,” Dream blinks before turning back to his computer. “Yeah- sorry. I remember now. I’m
just kind of stuck right now and it’s driving me crazy. Like this one little spot- do you wanna
look at it?”

“Not really,” Sapnap quips. “Why don’t you take a break from it? You’re making my head
feel numb. Like of course you’re gonna get stuck if all you do is look at it.”

“I mean,” Dream scoffs. “I guess. But it needs to get done.”

“When was the last time you did something normal? Like… eat dinner, or shower, or jerk off
or something?” Sapnap asks casually, the tips of his ears warming at how Dream looks at him
at that. “What?”

“Jerk off? Seriously?” Dream asks, an eyebrow quirked up and a small smile playing at his
lips. “I don’t have time for that.”

Sapnap narrows his eyes at the idiot in front of him. “What the fuck? You don’t have time for
that?”

Sapnap vividly pictures Dream splayed out in his bed, his head pushed against the same
pillow that is underneath Sapnap’s head. He imagines his sweatpants pushed down low,
digging into the meat of his thighs that spread against the restricting band with a hand around
his dick, fingers moving up and down until his head drops back, throat bared at the pleasure.

Sapnap squirms, pushing his hips against the bed at the thought. His stupid crush on Dream is
getting out of control these days.
“No,” Dream shrugs. “And… I don’t know, it just doesn’t sound appealing.”

Sapnap screws his face up at him, scowling. “What do you mean? What isn’t appealing about
getting off?”

Dream shrugs again, his cheeks pink. “I don’t know… do you ever feel like- okay,” he stops
himself suddenly with a playful little smile thrown at Sapnap that makes his heart skip a beat.
“You’re just going to make fun of me so never mind.”

“No I’m not,” Sapnap frowns, far too interested in this conversation for his own good. He
wants to hear everything Dream has to say now, wants to let his imagination run wild for a
bit.

“You’re not going to laugh at me? Run and go tell George and make it a meme?” He asks as
if that is exactly what he’s expecting him to do.

Sapnap isn’t going to lie, he would do that. Like, that sounds like something he would do. But
this conversation feels oddly vulnerable, and he isn’t really sure how they got here, he was
just coming in here to mess with him, distract Dream a little bit before fucking off to go
stream or something. He’s intrigued now, and his brain isn’t going to drop this, whether
Dream decides to tell him or not.

“No,” Sapnap answers honestly with a little shake of his head.

Dream tilts his head, regarding him for a moment before his chair spins around to fully face
Sapnap now.

He tries to remind himself that this is normal. Guys being friends. Chatting about normal
things.

His eyes trace over Dream’s big hands that curl around the arm rests, his entire demeanor
relaxed and loose. Sapnap wants desperately to crawl into his lap and sit right on his big
thighs.

Sapnap swallows thickly, and waits.

“Ugh. Fine,” Dream rolls his eyes. It’s unfairly sexy. “Do you ever just feel like your hand
isn’t enough sometimes?”

Sapnap’s brain goes completely blank.

He stares stupidly at him until Dream squirms, cheeks darkening. “Okay- that- listen, I
haven’t gone out and gotten laid in months and I was jerking off pretty often but it just… it’s
not appealing anymore. Like porn doesn’t do it, I tried, and it’s just kind of boring. I want to
have sex.”

Sapnap blinks again.

“... Go ahead and make fun of me,” Dream whines, submitting to his assumed fate.
Sapnap bites the inside of his cheek, brain running a hundred miles an hour with the
knowledge that his best friend is craving sex right now. His crazy sexy hot best friend. His
best friend who he has a major crush on. His best friend who he would readily fuck at the
drop of a dime.

“Sap?”

“I- I’m not going to make fun of you,” He breathes out finally, forcing his brain and mouth to
work. “Um… have- have you thought about going out and meeting someone?”

“I mean, kind of? But I really want to finish the project and I don’t know. I don’t exactly
want to get on Twitter and see someone running their mouth about us having sex you know?
Especially- especially if it was a guy, I mean, that would just cause so much drama to stir up
and I’m like, ninety percent sure someone would say I was queer baiting somehow. By
sleeping with a guy, so…”

Holy fuck.

Sapnap is going to combust. He’s going to burst into flames right here in the bed.

Dream doesn’t just want to have sex, he wants to have sex with a guy.

And Sapnap is lying in his bed right now.

Holy shit. His brain latches onto the idea before he can even comprehend it, imagining
Dream fucking him into the mattress, or him fucking Dream into the mattress, either way, he
wouldn’t complain. Hell, he would settle for blowing Dream and then taking care of himself
another time, as long as he got to touch him in some way.

“Really?” Sapnap asks, shaking himself out of his stupor. All of the silences he leaves is
going to give Dream the wrong idea if he doesn’t stop. Dream gets insecure so easily, it’s
endearing as it is frustrating.

“Have you never felt like that? Like, you just really need to be with someone, not just your
hand?” Dream asks, genuinely, face bright red now. It’s disgustingly adorable on him.

“I-yeah, I have,” Sapnap confirms. “It’s way better than by yourself. I get it.”

“Not that there’s anything I can do about it,” Dream shrugs.

“Um… do you want to have sex with me?” Sapnap offers without thinking.

And then, he does think.

His stomach drops, anxiety filling his chest and making him queasy. His face turns bright red,
and he immediately regrets opening his stupid mouth.

“... Really?” Dream asks curiously, voice and face neutral.

“I mean,” Sapnap struggles to save himself. “It makes sense, right? It’s not like I’m going to
go yapping on Twitter about what your dick looks like or whatever. And- and I’ve been kind
of curious I guess about… guys,” Sapnap’s face burns so hard he thinks he might be sick.
“I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.”

“You aren’t memeing right now?” Dream asks, a hitch in his voice that reveals just how
excited he actually is at the idea. It gives Sapnap a little boost of confidence, easing the
tension that has grown in his shoulders.

“No. Are you?” Sapnap asks, just to be sure.

“No,” Dream shakes his head earnestly, little golden curls bouncing.

“Okay.”

They both stare at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Slowly, Dream grins, and Sapnap can’t help the laugh that escapes him.

“This is stupid,” Sapnap giggles. “Come here.”

“Got it,” Dream eagerly launches himself at the bed. “This doesn’t have to mean anything
right? Like just guys being friends and helping each other out it’s not like- it’s not going to
change anything between us right?”

“Nah,” Sapnap shakes his head, waving him off casually. “It can just be a casual thing. Like
you’re pent up and I’m curious.” And in love with you but that’s a conversation for another
day.

“Okay,” Dream smiles brightly at him, settling down to sit right in front of Sapnap.

Sapnap sits up, their knees brushing against one another’s. They’re almost eye to eye, Sapnap
just a bit shorter.

Dream reaches up, tenderly taking the brim of Sapnap’s cap in his hand. He takes it off
slowly, revealing auburn curls from beneath the hat. He sets it down on the bed, and turns
back to Sapnap. “Can I kiss you?”

Sapnap’s heart jumps into his throat. His eyes fall down Dream’s face, tracing pretty pink lips
lined with scruff. Slowly he nods, swallowing the nervous spit that pools in his mouth.

Dream leans forward, his eyes shut, and suddenly they’re kissing. Fireworks go off in his
brain and yet his eyes are wide open, staring at the faint freckles on Dream’s face.

Dream cups his cheek gently, awkward and timid but his touch is familiar, the kind stroke of
his thumb over Sapnap’s cheekbone making him relax into his hand. His eyelashes flutter,
and Dream’s mouth moving against his coaxes his eyelids completely shut.

Kissing Dream is everything he ever imagined. He tastes like fruity chapstick and mint gum
from hours before, he feels like the embodiment of comfort and excitement at the same time,
like coming home from a long day of work with the promise of crawling into a soft bed at the
end of the day. He’s everything.

Sapnap reaches up to touch him too, running his fingers through golden curls that snag on his
fingertips. Dream sighs against his mouth like it’s the best thing he’s ever felt, so Sapnap
keeps doing it, pulling him closer and closer with every move.

It’s tentative and new, and still a little awkward, but slowly, Dream starts to crawl over him,
invading his space and pushing him back further and further until his back hits the bed.
Dream reaches around, and produces the pillow from earlier, lips still pressed against his
despite the movement, though it's a struggle. Sapnap sits up, letting Dream put it beneath his
head, breaking the kiss just long enough to get situated before he pulls him back in again.

Dream doesn’t put his whole weight on him, much to Sapnap’s disappointment. He wants to
be absolutely squished into the bed. He tries to drag him into it with a hand on his lower
back, pulling him in closer, but still Dream is careful.

Sapnap lets out a frustrated noise, drank down by Dream’s lips pressed against his.

“Don’t act like you’re going to squish me,” Sapnap grumbles between gasps for air.

“But you’re so tiny, pandas,” Dream whispers right back with a sweet peck pressed to the
corner of his lips. “You feel so small underneath me.”

Dream’s words wash over him, and his chest and cheeks begin to burn with a fresh new blush
that scorches his skin. He scoffs indignantly. “I am not.”

“You are,” Dream insists with a squeeze of his hips that sends a jolt of excitement racing up
his spine. “I’m like, smothering you,” Dream presses into him tighter, mouth parted with a
pretty grin as if it’s the best thing he’s ever experienced in his life.

Sapnap’s brain short circuits. His mouth gapes as he struggles to find words, but then Dream
lays more of his weight on him, pressing him deeper into the bed, and suddenly Sapnap
doesn’t know a single word in any language, much less English.

“Should we like, get naked or something now?” Dream asks, the hand on his hip creeping up,
fingertips playing against the bare skin just above the band of his shorts.

“I don’t know,” Sapnap answers honestly, tracing Dream’s face with big eyes. “It’s not a
meme?” He asks one more time, just to be sure.

“I’m- I think I’m getting hard just from kissing you,” Dream admits with a shy grin. “You
feel really good. I like this.”

Sapnap swears he’s dizzy with arousal with those simple few words. “Okay,” he nods
breathlessly. “Yeah I guess we get naked now. You want to see me naked?”

“Really bad,” Dream’s nose bumps against his as he nuzzles in closely. “As homies of
course.”
“Yeah duh,” Sapnap agrees mindlessly. “Just homies.”

“There’s nothing wrong with letting the homies hit,” Dream’s hands carefully creep up his
sides, higher and higher, and along with them goes his shirt, caught around gorgeous wrists as
it slides up his chest. It catches around his neck, and Sapnap wiggles, helping Dream work it
off the rest of the way.

Sapnap’s face burns, and he quickly tucks himself against Dream’s chest. He’s become a lot
more confident since getting into the gym so hard, but he still struggles sometimes, in
vulnerable moments like this.

But then there’s Dream, who’s known him since he was an annoying little kid with a squeaky
voice and baby fat on his cheeks who’s looking at him like he’s the greatest thing since-
sliced bread or something. It feels safe to exist with him, knowing there isn’t a hint of
judgment behind sparkling green eyes that trace greedily over every inch of exposed skin.

Dream’s eager- hands going straight for his waist next. He plucks at the band of his
basketball shorts, letting the elastic snap back against the sensitive skin of his hip.

“Why are you like, playing with it?” Sapnap asks to hide his embarrassment.

“Just teasing you,” Dream hums, scooting down the length of Sapnap’s body. He leans
forward, as if he wants to kiss down Sapnap’s chest, but then refrains. Still, his skin tingles as
if he had. “Do you not like it?”

“I didn’t say that ,” Sapnap scoffs. “Just… I don’t know dude, I feel weird. Hurry up and get
naked too so I’m not alone all naked and afraid and shit.”

“Naked and afraid,” Dream echos with a hearty chuckle, so thoroughly amused.

“Come on!” Sapnap insists, about to start yelling if Dream takes any longer to undress him.

“I’m going!” Dream insists right back, matching his tone and energy in a way no one else
can. “I can’t even like, appreciate your body or anything, you’re so annoying.”

Sapnap’s breath sticks to his lungs. “What? Appreciate my body?”

Dream raises an eyebrow at him as he pulls his shorts down and his briefs too, working them
past the bend of his knees. It’s hard to even process being naked now, he’s too hung up on
what was just said to him.

“You want to appreciate my body? Like you already do appreciate it or is it more like you’re
trying to see it or-”

“Of course I appreciate your body,” Dream chides, sitting back on his knees, staring down at
him. His eyes are soft and open, tracing over every curve of his waist and dip of his hips.

Despite the embarrassment of being so vulnerable, Sapnap doesn’t move to cover himself up.
He simply lies there, and tries to calm his racing heart with slow, even breaths that come out
ragged still no matter how hard he tries.
In the back of his mind, he wonders what Dream sees right now, if he’s staring at the moles
that cover his chest and the freckles and the hair that dusts his chest and down his stomach.
Does he like it? Or is he second guessing everything?

Sapnap waits impatiently to find out.

“You’re so handsome,” Dream comments, running his fingers down his shin. “I think you
know that though.”

Sapnap doesn’t. He doesn’t know that at all.

He never thought Dream would ever look at him like this, in this light, in this way. It’s not
something he ever dared to let his brain linger on. Dream has always been unattainable, and
he gets the feeling even after this moment is long past, he’s still going to be in awe that it
ever happened in the first place. It’ll be next week, in a middle of a meeting or something
stupid like that, and he’s going to be sitting there pondering if he imagined the whole thing or
not.

“Socks on or off?” Dream asks, plucking at the band of his socks the same way he did his
shorts, letting the material snap back into place. “If they’re on, it’s not gay.”

Sapnap’s jaw drops, and Dream immediately starts giggling. “Your face.”

“What the fuck?” Sapnap asks incredulously. “This is gay dude, I’m sorry to tell you, socks
or not your dick is about to be in my ass, there’s no way around the gay, my friend.”

“I was joking,” Dream rolls his eyes like a brat, yanking his sock off violently. “You would
be a bottom though.”

“Hey!” Sapnap yelps, watching Dream chuck it across the room.

“What?” he asks, going straight for the other.

Sapnap tries to fight it, but it’s no use, and soon enough his other sock is thrown across the
room, joining the other and leaving him completely naked.

“Dude!”

“Oh my god,” Dream groans. “You’re so whiny. Chill.”

Sapnap flops his head back against the pillow, his entire body feeling too warm when he
smiles up at Dream. “Whatever. Strip.”

Dream surprisingly, does as he’s told, tugging his shirt up and over his head. He drops it
carelessly, and Sapnap doesn’t miss the way his cheeks glow a bright red as he goes for his
shorts next, giving himself the same treatment as he gave Sapnap of stripping himself
quickly.

He doesn’t meet his eye, but Dream doesn’t have to. Sapnap wouldn’t be looking at his face
right now anyway. He’s staring at the miles of newly exposed skin, freckled and covered in
beauty marks that look like constellations in the sky. He’s so pale, though his fake tanner
does help some, and then of course there are the scars. Deep jagged purple lines stretch
around his hips and below his pecs. He wants to reach out and touch, run his fingers over the
tissue and maybe if Dream allows him, kiss every inch of it just to solidify how proud Sapnap
will always be of him.

Sapnap’s eyes trail down lower, over his half swollen cock that rests against one thigh.
Dream wasn’t lying when he said he was getting hard just from kissing him, which is
definitely a confidence boost. His cock is thick, cut and long. Even soft, it has Sapnap
squirming to hide his own below average length, not that Dream seems to care.

“What?” Dream asks with a shy smile.

“Why are you fucking hung?” Sapnap accuses. “Like of course you would be built like a
horse-”

“ Sapnap ,” Dream giggles.

“I don’t know what I was picturing-”

“When were you picturing my dick?” Dream asks with a curious tilt of his head, curls falling
cutely like puppy dog ears.

Sapnap shuts his mouth quickly, but there’s a keen look in green eyes that tells him he’s been
caught.

“... Shut up,” Sapnap hisses.

“I didn’t say anything,” Dream snips right back. He then looks at Sapnap’s dick, and scoots
up to sit between his thighs. Sapnap lets them part, urging him closer. It feels safer to feel the
tops of Dream’s thighs press into the back of his; the skin on skin helping him relax.

He reaches forward, going slow and careful, giving Sapnap plenty of time to stop him before
taking his length into his hand.

Dream plays with it gently, exploring the velvety skin in a way that doesn’t necessarily feel
good or bad. It’s simply a touch, but then he starts moving his hand, up and down, pulling on
his cock and urging him hard with a sort of glint in his eye of fascination.

“Can I say something weird?” Dream asks.

“You always say something weird,” Sapnap struggles to joke.

“Okay, well,” Dream rolls his eyes fondly, making Sapnap smile and his stomach flip with
butterflies. “I was just going to say your length fits you.”

“Jesus Christ,” Sapnap slaps a hand over his face, grinning awkwardly as he hides his eyes
with embarrassment. “You did not just say that to me-”

“What? It does,” Dream insists, leaning down.

Suddenly, Sapnap’s blushing for a whole new reason. Dream drags his lips over his happy
trail, nosing down to his cock. He presses a tentative kiss to the length, whispering, “It’s cute.
I like how small you are all over. You’re perfect.”

Holy fucking shit. Sapnap is officially going to die. He’s going to combust and go to the
afterlife and when someone asks what killed him, he’s going to have to admit it was his
stupid best friend/crush kissing his dick and calling him perfect and that has to be in the top
ten most humiliating deaths in the entire world-

“Sorry,” Dream whispers in lieu of Sapnap’s silence where he became caught up in his
thoughts. “I mean I don’t know if you can tell but I sort of have a big thing for you being
smaller than me and this is just adding to it,” Dream kisses his cock again, hot wet, open
mouth kisses that work their way down to his head and has electricity zapping through his
body from his groin.

Sapnap’s mouth parts, but no words come out. Instead he just stares, waiting to see what
Dream does next.

He licks tentatively at his dick, looking up through long gorgeous lashes to see Sapnap’s
reaction before doing it again. It’s not a real blow job, but it’s sexy as hell and Sapnap is
getting dizzy from how hard he’s getting.

“Do you really want to bottom?” Dream asks casually. “I don’t mind doing it.”

“I-” Sapnap stammers, trying to form words. “Um- I’ve never- I want to though. Can I try?”

Dream’s eyes widen. “You’ve never? Oh, is that why you’ve been curious about guys? Or
like, I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Is that the part you’re curious about though?”

Sapnap shrugs. He doesn’t really know if he’s being honest with himself. He’s mostly only
ever been interested in Dream. Dream and his smile and his eyes and his hands and the way
he talks and carries himself and listens to others and the way he shows his enthusiasm and his
sense of humor and his determination and-

“Yeah I guess,” Sapnap answers. “Butt stuff seems… interesting.”

“ Interesting ,” Dream echoes with a little giggle and one last kiss to his now hard cock that
arches up towards his stomach. “Gotcha.”

He pulls himself up, off of the bed, and goes over to his desk, opening one of the drawers.

Sapnap watches curiously, brows furrowed.

Dream turns back around, and with a bashful smile, crawls back into the bed with a bottle of
lube in his hands and a condom.

“Why was your lube in your desk?” Sapnap asks, suddenly understanding why Dream is
smiling like that. “What were you doing with it over there, baby boy?”
“Shut up ,” Dream smiles, popping the cap and squirting some into his hand. “I’ve been so
locked in on this project and we literally talked about jerking off earlier-”

“I just wanna know how that worked,” Sapnap keeps going just to be an ass, even as Dream
grabs his knee and pushes it up so he can settle between his thighs. “Did you like one hand it
and the other was still on the keyboard or did you stop completely to take care of business- is
your keyboard crusty?” Sapnap asks.

“I hate you,” Dream reaches between his thighs, pressing wet fingers along his ass and
effectively cutting off Sapnap’s words.

No one’s ever touched him there before.

Dream seems to notice his change of demeanor, and sobers up too, keen eyes locked on
Sapnap’s face as he rubs over his hole, watching his every expression.

“Nick? Is this okay?” Dream asks softly, pushing the tip of his finger inside.

Sapnap squirms, and then nods, ignoring how Dream saying his real name makes his entire
body feel too hot. “Yeah. ‘Is fine.”

“Okay,” Dream carefully keeps pushing, slow and easy just like Sapnap knew he would be.

Once it’s in all the way, Dream starts pumping his finger in and out; Sapnap swears he can
feel every drag of fingertip, the rough ridges pressing against his sensitive walls that makes
his head spin.

“Can you like, kiss me or something?” Sapnap asks awkwardly, feeling as if he were under a
microscope with how closely Dream is watching him. The man isn’t blinking, he’s just
staring, and the sentiment is nice– he wants to make sure Sapnap is having fun and enjoying
things, but also, Dream can be a little intense without realizing it.

“Yeah of course,” Dream leans down, pressing into him closely. He starts with a sweet kiss to
his nose, then his cheek and chin. It’s a good distraction from how his finger speeds up,
working him open. It keeps the anxiety brewing in his chest at bay to focus on the fluttering
attention that slowly makes its way to his lips.

Sapnap reaches up, wrapping his arms around Dream’s shoulders. He’s so broad, muscle
moving beneath his hand that flattens out over his skin.

He doesn’t say anything when he starts to work a second finger in, Dream simply pauses, his
lips stilling as his fingertip bumps against the first still buried inside of him.

Sapnap clings a little harder and relaxes.

Two fingers burn, the stretch making his brain go completely blank. Dream licks behind his
teeth, letting out a little breath almost feeling like an apology that hits his upper lip.

He’s watched porn before, but suddenly, Sapnap thinks he understands why they seem to
have so much fun with butt stuff in those videos. This is pretty good, it’s decent. This is…
Dream curls his fingers up, and Sapnap short circuits. A guttural moan rips itself from his
chest embarrassingly, and Sapnap finds himself pushing his hips down against Dream’s
fingers, chasing the spark of electricity that had raced up his spine.

“Fuck,” Dream sighs, doing it again and again, rubbing his fingertips against that same
bundle of nerves over and over. “You sound good, pandas.”

“Dre-” Sapnap gasps, fucking himself down on his hand.

“I never thought about what you would sound like like this,” Dream abuses that spot, rutting
against it until Sapnap sees stars, his cock hard and leaking against his stomach now. Precum
dribbles down his length and onto the soft hairs of his stomach, leaving a sticky mess in its
wake.

A third finger pushes against his entrance, pressing in along with the others. He’s never been
this full in his life, though he imagines that’ll change once Dream fucks him. Still, his fingers
are long, and thick, and they’re making him feel like his brain is going to melt and start
leaking out of his ears or something insane like that.

“More,” Sapnap begs breathlessly against his lips.

Dream looks down where his hand disappears between Sapnap’s broad thighs, and then back
at his face, holding his gaze. “Does it feel good?”

Sapnap nods. If it were anyone else he would have something quick to say, something witty
and bold, but looking at Dream’s face, he can’t think of a single thing to say except the truth.
“Really good.”

“Good,” Dream kisses his jaw. “Just a little more and then I’ll get busy, promise.”

Sapnap shivers and nods, digging his blunt nails into Dream’s back.

He can’t stay still after that. He keeps canting his hips, digging his heels into the bed to thrust
himself up and down on Dream’s fingers.

“Nick, take it easy,” Dream tries to settle him, but the way he says his name only makes him
feel more insane.

“I need more,” Sapnap begs again, not above pleading. “Come on-”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Dream insists, still working at a maddeningly slow pace.

Sapnap flops his head back against the pillow, auburn curls spilling out in a wild mess,
mussed from rubbing against the fabric, but he can’t find it in himself to care all that much.

“I’m about to get pissed,” Sapnap warns genuinely, shocking a laugh out of Dream.

“Oh my god, really?” Dream giggles.

“Yes! Dude, holy shit, take your fingers out already, Jesus Christ,” Sapanp pushes him away,
suddenly determined. “No more.”

“Alright fine,” Dream withdraws his fingers.

… It feels way worse than he imagined it would when he leaves him empty and gaping. He
shivers, giving Dream his best puppy dog eyes to hurry up.

Thankfully it seems to work. Dream reaches down quickly to find the discarded condom, a
flash of green catching Sapnap’s attention.

“Are you actually using a drondom?” Sapnap asks, unable to bite back laughter at the stupid
smiley face on the bright green wrapper.

“Yeah? Why not?” Dream giggles along.

“I mean I guess- you’re so weird,” Sapnap’s heart jumps in his chest.

“How is that weird?” Dream asks incredulously, ripping open the foil. Sapnap supposes it’s
just a normal condom on the inside, there isn’t anything especially strange about it, no smiley
face on the tip or anything.

“I don’t know,” Sapnap shrugs, letting it go.

Dream sits back on his heels, untangling himself from Sapnap’s body to reach down and roll
the rubber down his length. He’s hard now, and Sapnap’s knees draw together slightly with
intimidation, but he’s loose and wanting and the space where his fingers had occupied just
moments before begs to be filled again.

Once the drondom is on, Dream stands on his knees, big hands pushing Sapnap’s thighs apart
once more. He reaches down, lining himself up against Sapnap’s slick hole. “You okay,
Nick?” he asks, one more time.

Sapnap nods.

Dream goes painstakingly slow, pushing the head inside.

Sapnap still gasps, eyebrows furrowed together. Dream doesn’t stop, sinking in inch by inch,
burying inside to the hilt with strong hands holding his knees almost to his chest.

Sapnap traces his face with his gaze, from the worry in his brow to the look of concentration
in his eyes, down to the way he bites his lip at the feeling of Sapnap’s tight wet heat
engulfing him.

It’s definitely different from his fingers. Dream feels heavy inside of him, and there’s a subtle
twinge of pain that radiates up the small of his back at the new fullness that is unlike anything
he’s ever had before.

“Pandas?” Dream asks softly.

Sapnap blinks at him, the nickname tugging on his heartstrings.

“Fuck dude,” Sapnap lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, chest shuddering as he
sighs.

“Is it good?” Dream asks, eagerly.

“Yeah,” Sapnap sighs with a nod and a timid smile. “I think you might be cookin here.”

“What?” Dream cackles, face breaking out into a huge grin. “Whaat? Cooking? Really?!”

“Yes!” Sapnap insists, reaching up to cling onto Dream’s shoulders again as they both laugh
uncontrollably, spurred on by each other’s giggles. It really wasn’t that funny, but the way
Dream’s laugh makes his entire chest feel light as a feather makes his head feel fuzzy and
everything a million times funnier.

This.

Sapnap loves this . He loves his best friend. The two of them mesh so well together, they
always have. Dream is safe– he makes being vulnerable like this feel good in a way no one
else ever has. He’s funny, he’s kind, he’s everything . His personality is so unique, the kind of
person you meet once in a lifetime and Sapnap has never loved someone so wholly in his
entire life.

Dream slowly reaches down, rolling his hips into him with a strong hand on his hip holding
him in place.

Sapnap arches into his touch, gasping as his eyes flutter shut.

Dream goes slow as their laughter dies down, pulling out almost completely before fucking
back into him with a deep groan. Sapnap swears he can feel him up in his chest– though
that’s probably dramatic, there’s no way he’s actually that deep but fuck , it’s hard to think
about anything except how Dream is rearranging his guts right now.

Dream suddenly grabs him, pulling him down the bed so he can press flat against him, soft
pink lips against his once more.

The change in angles steals Sapnap’s breath away, shocks of electricity racing up his spine
with every thrust.

“There,” He whispers, urging Dream on with a heel hooked over his back.

“Yeah?” Dream asks with a grin against his lips. They kiss, sort of, though it’s more of an
open mouth pant against one another while their bodies move in sync with one another. “You
feel so good.”

Sapnap squeezes his eyes shut, tucking his chin against Dream’s jaw only to be pushed back.
He blinks up at him, confused, before Dream explains with a bashful smile. “I wanna see
you.”

“Holy shit,” Sapnap groans, dizzy with arousal.

The sounds their bodies make is downright lewd, slick wet noises in between pants and
whines and groans. Sapnap swears the air is getting heavy with the scent of sex and if he
could see the window it would be foggy with condensation- or maybe it’s just the small space
in between them that is being affected, maybe it’s contained to the bed and where their hands
slide down bare skin and their breath hits each other’s mouth when it isn’t being shared in
heated kisses.

The slow, deep thrusts go on and on until sweat beads at his temples, and Sapnap swears he’s
never had sex this good in his entire life. His cock is aching, begging for attention. He
doesn’t dare look down, but he’s sure the skin is bright red, precum dribbling down in a
constant stream, tacky on his length and stomach.

“ Clay ,” Sapnap whines, wanting nothing more for the man to touch him. He knows he could
do it himself, but it would be so much better if Dream did it. He’s not above begging for it
either, not that Dream would make him.

“I’m here,” Dream promises.

“Touch me,” Sapnap ruts his hips up impatiently, moving spastically until Dream chuckles
softly and takes his cock in his hand.

His touch is tentative and unsure, but it’s such a relief Sapnap moans loudly, falling apart
under the repetitive stroke of his hand. It’s so little and yet Sapnap is a live wire; if he were
more cognizant, he would be downright humiliated by the whines and moans leaving his
mouth and the way he can’t stop fucking up into his hand but in the moment, he can’t bring
himself to care. In a few hours maybe, or tomorrow afternoon he will look back on this and
cringe but for right now all he cares about is Dream.

“ Fuck ,” he sobs, abdomen growing tense like a rubber band stretched too taught.

“Close?” Dream tries to ask.

Sapnap can’t respond. He can’t move suddenly, he can’t breathe. His orgasm is like a strike
of lightning, burning him down to his core and knocking the air out of his lungs. Ropes of
white shoot out over Dream’s hand that works him through it thankfully, the man chuckling
softly under his breath.

Sapnap clings onto him, stomach muscles quivering from the release. Eventually though the
touch is borderline painful, so he shoves his hand away gently, or rather, he wraps his hand
around Dream’s wrist and pleads silently for him to stop with big puppy dog eyes, and Dream
listens.

“Little bit longer?” Dream begs softly, reaching back down to grab onto Sapnap’s thighs.

Sapnap nods tiredly, unable to lift his head off the pillow.

Dream finds his hands, and guides them underneath his thighs. His face burns, but he does
what Dream is asking for, and holds himself open for him, hands hooked behind his knees.
Once he’s in place how Dream wants him to be, the man goes to town, fucking him hard and
rough and fast, the headboard slamming into the wall with every thrust that never slows. It’s
overstimulating in the best way. Tiny tears prickle the edges of his lashes, wetting them so
they clump together. He’s sure his face is red, or his nose is at least, and he can’t help but
wonder what Dream sees right now. Does he like it? Does he maybe want to see Sapnap like
this more often?

The kind words from earlier float around his head, the way Dream complimented him and
called him perfect… he can’t believe he did that. It gives him hope that maybe this will be a
recurring thing. Maybe Dream would even want to hang out sometime just the two of them in
a more romantic context.

Dream gasps, hips slamming into Sapnap one last time before burying in as deep as he could
get.

Sapnap lets out a shaky sigh of relief as the overstimulation comes to a stop, leaving nothing
but the pleasant feeling of Dream inside of him in its wake.

Dream looks down at him, shaggy curls falling over his eyes and a goofy smile on his face.
He looks so much more relaxed than when Sapnap first came in, and happier too.

“Hi,” Sapnap breathes for lack of anything else to say.

“Hi,” Dream leans down, stealing one last quick kiss.

Now that the tension is fading and the room is calming, the kiss feels more meaningful. It’s
more tender, more gentle, coupled with Dream smoothing his hand down Sapnap’s side in
one last caress.

Once their breathing has both slowed, and their hearts aren’t racing so fast they can hear each
other’s Dream pulls away. Sapnap almost chases, but a bone deep tired keeps him glued to
the pillow, watching Dream instead with a hazy gaze.

“Fuck,” Dream sighs, pulling out.

Sapnap quivers, muscles jumping as his hole was suddenly left empty. He holds onto his
knees dutifully, waiting for Dream to do something else, though all he really wants to do is to
reach up and latch onto Dream’s neck.

He watches Dream pull the condom off, tying it off at the end like a balloon. He tosses it
carelessly into the bin next to the bed, then he turns his attention back to Sapnap.

Sapnap’s heart soars, waiting hopefully for Dream to hold him. Maybe this is what leads to a
real relationship, he thinks. They had sex, now they can cuddle and calm down together and
maybe Sapnap could bring up going on a date or something together and-

“There,” Dream pats the inside of Sapnap’s thigh a little too harshly. “Like it didn’t even
happen.”

Sapanp flinches back violently.

Dream is smiling, looking relaxed as ever as he pulls himself out of the bed, finding his
clothes and tugging his shorts back up over his hips. He goes for his shirt next, throwing it
over his head, looking artfully disheveled.

Sapnap waits still, this time in shock. Dream makes no move to touch him again, plopping
down into his desk chair. He spreads out again like he was before, taking up the space with a
new air of confidence and relaxation that he didn’t have before with a goofy grin like he just
won at something.

… he didn’t realize it was a game.

Sapnap slowly closes his legs, chest burning with indignation so searing he can’t form a
coherent thought.

Is it really over? Just like that?

He opens his mouth to protest but Dream keeps talking before he can get a word out.

“That was so fucking good,” Dream compliments. “Thanks for doing that for me.”

… It feels cheap. It should feel good for his crush to tell him the sex was good but this just
makes him feel used.

Sapnap shuts his mouth, fighting the urge to cry. He’s sure it’s written all over his face how
upset he is.

Dream frowns, cocking his head to the side. “You okay, pandas?”

Sapnap doesn’t say anything. He can’t. If he opens his mouth, he’s going to start bawling like
a baby.

It feels childish, but all he can do is sit there, still naked in Dream’s bed, and pout.

Like it didn’t even happen.

Suddenly he wishes Dream had came in him. He wishes he had more than just lube slipping
between his cheeks and making him feel disgusting, because at least then, Dream wouldn’t be
able to deny it happening. He would have to help him clean up then, right, if he had came
inside of him and claimed him so thoroughly?
But lube is clear, and there’s just not that much mess like this. At least not to Dream. Sapnap
can still feel the slick liquid in his most intimate areas, he can still feel how sweat sticks to
his skin and his hole gapes with the loss of Dream’s body inside of his.

“... Do you want to go get cleaned up?” Dream asks, voice careful and full of faux care.

Sapnap wipes at his face, a tear making his skin itch as it streaks down his cheek. He bites
back the rest, no matter how his eyes burn.

He doesn’t want to go get cleaned up, he thinks vehemently. He wants Dream to do it. He
wants Dream to use a rag and clean his body and help him get dressed, he wants to curl up
against his chest and calm his racing heart and catch his breath and then maybe he could
think about leaving. This feels too abrupt, too wrong, the exact opposite of what he was
hoping would come from this.

“Sap?”

“Yeah,” Sapnap chokes out, voice heavy and gruff. He looks down, assessing what he needs
to do.

“Do you want to shower or something? You can use mine, it’s just right there,” Dream points.

Sapnap shrugs. “I guess. Thanks.”

Thanks. He’s thanking him. For letting him shower.

It’s absolutely ridiculous.

“Um… its just like yours… the handles,” Dream adds on awkwardly.

He sounds so fucking stupid.

Sapnap stares blankly at him until Dream eventually shrinks under his gaze. It’s only when
Dream looks properly confused that Sapnap dares to start trying to move, except that’s
embarrassing, and suddenly he can’t help but lash out.

“Do you need to watch?” he asks with a cock of his head.

“Sorry,” Dream’s face turns bright red before he looks away quickly, staring down at his lap,
and then at his desk.

Sapnap watches him a bit longer, just to be sure the man wouldn’t dare turn his eyes back on
him, before trying to move once more.

His hips already hurt.

There’s a dull ache radiating through his tired body as he shuffles awkwardly to the edge of
the bed. The sheets stick to his skin where the drying lube coats his inner thighs, only making
him feel that much more disgusting. It isn’t fair.

He feels a bit like a newborn deer when he struggles to his feet, but that’s stupid. He’s a
grown man. He’s twenty three, he works out six times a week, he’s not… he’s not weak.

With a sudden wave of determination, Sapnap squares his jaw, and stands up straight. He’s
not a fucking pussy, he doesn’t need help, and he’s not going to show that he’s even slightly
affected by anything that just happened when he walks by Dream.

He tells himself that the entire way, one robotic step after another. His entire body feels gross,
and he swears he can feel Dream looking at him the second his back is to him. It pisses him
off so badly his shoulders tense and he has half a mind to turn around just to shout at him, but
that would mean having to linger in the room even longer, and he already doesn’t want to be
here anymore.

Slipping into the bathroom is a relief. The click of the door handle falling into place has him
relaxing, away from Dream’s prying eyes. He goes straight for the shower, not wanting to
waste any time and risk Dream coming in to check on him.

… If he would even check on him.

Sapnap isn’t sure he wants to know if he would or not.

He sticks his hand under the stream of water, testing the temperature. Frigid droplets rain
down on his skin, taking his mind off of things briefly, and slowly the cold turns to luke
warm, and then scorching. The skin on the back of his hand and arm is pink when he decides
it’s hot enough, slipping under the stream and closing the curtain behind him.

Only in the solitude of the shower, hidden behind a curtain and a door, does he allow himself
to cry.

The tears he had been biting back drip down his cheeks, mixing with the water from the
shower, and what starts as a gentle cry turns into his shoulders shaking, silent sobs wracking
his body with barely contained noises. He feels stupid for crying like this, it’s not like it’s that
big of a deal. Dream didn’t hurt him or anything, not physically, and that somehow makes it a
million times worse. He shouldn’t be crying and yet he can’t stop.

_________________________

Neither of them said a single word to each other when Sapnap came out of the shower. He
simply gathered his clothes, wrapped up in Dream’s towel, and left. Dream had been staring
at his computer screen, back to working on the project as if nothing had happened. Sapnap
thought he saw a brief flicker of guilt on his features when he had slipped out the door, but
who knows, he could have just been working really hard.

It’s been hours now, and Sapnap can’t bring himself to function. He needs to go to the gym,
and answer emails, but it’s nine p.m. and his bed is too comfortable. Even going to mess with
George doesn’t sound appealing, which is weird, because fucking with George and making
him irritated is always fun.

… He’s just sad.

Now that some time has passed, he just feels used and… weird. Like his skin isn’t sitting
right on his body and nothing can distract him from the feeling but he has to have some kind
of distraction, otherwise he’ll cry and he still thinks that’s so fucking stupid to cry over
something like this.

Sapnap whimpers softly, pulling his pillow tighter to his chest. He stares at the TikTok
flashing across his phone screen– the only light illuminating his room save for the faintest
glimmer from the sun outside his window, long set and threatening to take away the purple
hue and leave the room in total darkness.

He should just go to sleep, he thinks solemnly. And tomorrow he can throw himself
wholeheartedly into his work and get out of the house and far away from Dream until he feels
like he can be a normal person around him again and forget anything even happened.

With a deep sigh, Sapnap closes his phone. The light disappears, and the repetitive sound too,
leaving him in total silence.

He lies there in the darkness, thinking for a bit too long before finally willing his body to
move, plugging in his phone and getting comfortable. If he’s being honest with himself, he
can’t remember the last time he took actual good care of himself, like going to bed at a
respectable hour. Maybe this will be good for him.

Sapnap curls up, ignoring the dull throb of pain that radiates in his hips, a constant reminder
of earlier. It’s what led him to get in bed so early. If he doesn’t move, he can push thoughts of
Dream and sex out of his head and forget it completely.

Just as his eyes begin to shut though, there’s a noise in the hallway.

Noise in the hallway isn’t unusual in their house. Three guys and three cats, there’s always
some kind of noise in the house, but Sapnap would recognize Dream’s footsteps anywhere.

His breath lodges itself in his chest, eyes open and heart thrumming with panic, like hearing
Dream moving outside of his room right now just sent him into fight or flight mode.

Dream is just getting a snack, he tells himself. He’s up feeding Patches. He’s going to get
help from George on something. He’s- He-

The doorknob rattles.

Sapnap sucks in a quick breath, sitting up on his hands to stare at the door. It isn’t locked,
Dream could come in if he really wanted to.

He starts to twist the knob, but then stops.

Then, comes a knock.

It’s quiet, tentative, and silence follows.

Sapnap doesn’t respond. His heartbeat is in his chest right now and he kind of wants to puke.

Another knock follows and a quiet, “Sap? Can I come in?”

No. Fuck no. No no nono-

The doorknob twists, and golden curls are poking their way in through the door.

“Sap?” Dream asks again. “Can we talk?”

His voice is so gentle and so kind and so soft and Sapnap wants to hit him.

“I was about to sleep,” Sapnap says stiffly, trying to deter Dream from coming in any further.

“It won’t take long,” Dream whimpers. He sounds as scared as Sapnap feels, but that doesn’t
make any sense.

“What about?” Sapnap asks. “If it’s the project, I’ll help tomorrow-”

“It’s not the project,” Dream scoffs, opening the door more so he can slip inside. He shuts it
behind him, and the hallway light that had been spilling into the room is suddenly gone,
leaving them in near darkness. It feels a little safer like this, but still not safe enough that
Sapnap wants Dream to come closer.

It doesn’t seem like he has a choice though. Dream has already decided that they’re going to
talk, and there’s no deterring that boy when he’s made up his mind.

Sapnap sits up, stifling a groan. Fuck.

Dream hovers at the edge of the bed, looking incredibly small for a man of his stature.

Sapnap draws in on himself, and Dream takes his movement as invitation to sit on the edge of
his bed.

No one speaks for a moment. They simply look at each other and their dim silhouettes.

“Pandas,” Dream says softly as if he were on the verge of begging. Sapnap doesn’t know why
though. What is there to beg for right now? He’s already given him everything.

“What?” He asks a bit harshly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sapnap denies instantly, not wanting to make things even worse. He stares down
at the comforter, worrying the soft threads beneath his thumb.

“Look at me?”

Sapnap almost doesn’t, just to spite him.

Dream looks like a dejected puppy when Sapnap steals a glance towards him and he quickly
tucks his chin down to avoid looking at him again, or worse, for Dream to catch a sight of
him bawling like a baby.

“Please talk to me,” Dream whines.

“Talk about what?” Sapnap asks, obtusely.

“You know what,” Dream insists. “Did- are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

Sapnap rolls his eyes. “No.”

The short answer obviously grates on Dream’s nerves, but the ever patient idiot stays calm.
“What happened? You’ve seemed upset since you went to shower. Are you mad at me?”

Sapnap doesn’t answer. He isn’t mad per say. Just… frustrated and sad.

“... Why would you say that? Like it didn’t even happen?” Sapnap asks when it becomes
clear that Dream isn’t going to leave him alone any time soon.

“It was just homies helping homies,” Dream justifies in an unfairly soft voice, like he’s
absolutely itching to reach over and touch him. “Easy clean up. It didn’t mean anything.
Right?”

Sapnap shrugs. “Nope.”

Dream seems stupified for a moment. “... Is that what you were mad about? Me saying that?”

Sapnap shrugs again like a petulant child. “I guess.”

“... Then why are you still acting like that?” Dream asks.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re pissed at me.”

Sapnap slumps down. The entire conversation is exhausting. “I’m not. Can you go now?”

Dream frowns deeply, eyebrows knitted together. “No, you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad,” Sapnap shakes his head.

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No,” Sapnap growls. “I’m not.”

“Talk to me!” Dream begs feverishly. “Please! I hate this, if I knew it would be that big of a
deal I wouldn’t have agreed to have sex with you in the first place.”

Sapnap’s face burns.

Dream’s entire body deflates. “That came out wrong.”

“Get the fuck out,” Sapnap points angrily at the door.

“I’m sorry,” Dream doubles down. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean that-”

“Okay!” Sapnap relents, anything to get Dream to leave him alone. “I forgive you, whatever,
now get out-”

“Is it something more than that?” Dream asks. “Did I do something else? I just want to
understand so I can fix it.”

Tension boils under his skin, and suddenly Sapnap feels like he could burst. “Why are you
being so mean to me right now?!”

“I’m not!” Dream whines.

“Yes you are!” Sapnap yells, voice rising the more overwhelmed he becomes. “Fucking stop,
Dream! I told you to stop, I didn’t want you to fucking come in here in the first place and you
did anyways and now you’re in my face demanding I spill my guts to you but that’s not how
this works! Did you really think what you said was okay? That it wouldn’t hurt my feelings
when I obviously fucking-”

Dream’s mouth snaps shut.

Sapnap cuts himself off, and squares his jaw. Another moment passes, and the anger in his
body slowly dissipates, replaced with a bone deep hurt he can feel in his teeth. “Please just
go.”

“... I didn’t think,” Dream whimpers, regret written across his face. “I’m sorry.”

Sapnap looks down at his lap, playing with his fingers. “I guess I’m sorry too. I did say it
would mean nothing.”

“But that doesn’t mean I should treat you badly,” Dream whispers.

“Maybe you should treat me badly,” Sapnap smiles ruefully, drawing his knees up to rest
under his chin like a shield.

Genuine confusion crosses Dream’s face. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Sapnap lies, biting back a fresh wave of tears that stings down to his core.
“Maybe if you treated me badly I wouldn’t…” He swallows thickly, panic making his fingers
twitch against his knee.

“Sap?”

“I’m sorry,” he replies miserably.

“What’s wrong?” Dream whimpers. “Can I touch you? How can I help?”

Sapnap shakes his head. He can’t get the words out.

“No I can’t touch you?” Dream asks to clarify.

“You can,” Sapnap decides eventually.

Dream launches himself at him. Big, strong arms engulf him completely in a bone crushing
hug.

Being held makes it even worse. All Sapnap can do is cry quietly while Dream hugs him as
tight as he can, as if his hug could keep him from falling apart.

Dream doesn’t push, he doesn’t ask for answers, he just comforts him.

“I’m gonna ruin things,” Sapnap sobs against his neck.

“No you aren’t,” Dream whispers against his hair.

“It wasn’t supposed to mean anything,” he sniffles.

“... Do you want it to mean something?” Dream asks carefully.

Sapnap cries harder hearing Dream say it, fingers digging into his shirt so tight it surely hurts.

“Is that why you’re so upset?” Dream asks again.

Sapnap can’t speak. He can’t.

“ Pandas ,” Dream sighs.

This is it, he thinks, bracing himself for the inevitable. This is the rejection he’s been
counting on. They won’t be able to come back from this. Dream could never hate him, he
knows that, but things will be weird, they’ll never be the same, and Sapnap won’t be able to
stand it because he loves him so much it makes him sick.

“Please don’t,” Sapnap practically crawls into Dream’s lap, pressing as close as he can get to
him so Dream can’t see his face. He can feel his heartbeat now, and the subtle rise and fall of
his chest, the heat of his body against his more comforting than Sapnap thinks he deserves
right now.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” Dream chides softly, his voice kind. Sapnap
can’t make sense of it though, nothing about this makes any sense to him.

“Do you want to lay down? This is hurting my back,” Dream admits.

He doesn’t want to lay down. He doesn’t want to move, but Dream is already guiding him to
lie down and he doesn’t really seem to have a choice.

The bed does feel nice under his tired body though, Sapnap thinks absently. And lying down
makes it easier to breathe, and Dream isn’t pushing him away either like he feared he would.
Dream keeps holding him close, rubbing his back while Sapnap cries and struggles to calm
down. He feels ridiculous, like he just threw a tantrum and now someone is having to coddle
him, but Dream is infinitely gentle and sweet, not saying a single word while Sapnap’s
heaving sobs turn into quiet whimpers, and soon enough the tears dry up.

“Better?” Dream asks softly.

Sapnap nods stiffly.

Now. This is it. Dream couldn’t break his heart earlier because he was too upset, but it’s
coming now, he thinks.

Dream always has a way of surprising him though.

“I didn’t think you would be interested in something like that,” Dream starts talking, still
rubbing at Sapnap’s back, soothing away the new ache in his body that comes from just how
hard he’s cried lately. “I really did think you were just curious about guys, not that you liked
me or anything like that.”

Fear sends an ice cold spark through his nerves, but Dream keeps him calm with his gentle
words and touch. “If you wanted it to mean something, you should have just said that, Nick. I
can’t read your mind.”

Sapnap grunts at him.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you were perfect. You’re cute, you’re funny, you’re my best
friend,” Dream’s fingertips work the bottom of his shirt up, rubbing up and down his spine,
counting each notch. “I’m not going to lie to you and say like, I’ve had a crush on you for
forever now and I’m madly in love with you because I’m not.”

Sapnap takes in a jagged breath.

“But if you wanted to get dinner sometime as like, a date and not just normal dinner, we
could try it,” Dream offers.

Sapnap purses his lips against his emotions.

“Does that sound like something you’d like to do?”

He doesn’t know anymore. He’s scared. He’s so, so scared.

He feels too small right now, too vulnerable, and after the betrayal from earlier, being
vulnerable feels raw and painful. It isn’t safe anymore.

“You gotta talk to me,” Dream reminds softly with a brush of his lips against Sapnap’s
temple.

“I don’t know,” Sapnap bites out.

“Okay,” Dream concedes. “That’s okay too.”

“I’m scared,” he adds on. Dream was right, he’s not a mind reader.

“Of what?” Dream asks calmly.

You.

“Messing things up.” He says instead.

“You can’t mess things up,” Dream promises. “Not with me.”

Sapnap swallows thickly, and for the first time since Dream hugged him, he dares to look up
at the man through wet lashes.

Dream looks incredibly soft and earnest as he holds his gaze.

“Can I kiss you?” Dream asks, staring at Sapnap’s lips.

Sapnap blinks, and swallows again, nerves eating away at him. “You mean it?”

“Of course I mean it,” Dream rolls his eyes. “Why would I lie to you? I love you.”

Sapnap knows what he means when he says that. He loves him as a friend, not as something
more, at least not yet. That’s okay though, he decides. He can work with that.

Sapnap searches his face for a moment more for any hint that Dream is about to push him
away.

Dream does the same, and slowly, raises his pinky up, wordlessly offering it out to him.

Sapnap’s stomach flips, and he reaches up, wrapping his pinky around his.

The promise means far more to him than it should. He trusts him implicitly.

When he finds nothing malicious in his expression still, Sapnap leans in, letting his lashes
flutter closed.

Dream’s holds him close, letting their lips brush against one another’s.
End Notes

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