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Algorithmics of
Nonuniformity
Tools and Paradigms
Discrete Mathematics and Its Applications
Series Editors
Miklos Bona
Donald L. Kreher
Douglas West
Patrice Ossona de Mendez
Additive Combinatorics
Béla Bajnok
Micha Hofri
Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Hosam Mahmoud
George Washington University
CRC Press
Taylor & Francis Group
6000 Broken Sound Parkway NW, Suite 300
Boca Raton, FL 33487-2742
This book contains information obtained from authentic and highly regarded sources. Reasonable
efforts have been made to publish reliable data and information, but the author and publisher cannot
assume responsibility for the validity of all materials or the consequences of their use. The authors and
publishers have attempted to trace the copyright holders of all material reproduced in this publication
and apologize to copyright holders if permission to publish in this form has not been obtained. If any
copyright material has not been acknowledged please write and let us know so we may rectify in any
future reprint.
Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Law, no part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced,
transmitted, or utilized in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or
hereafter invented, including photocopying, microfilming, and recording, or in any information
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are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
Preface xiii
1 Introduction 1
1.1 Computing machines and models . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
1.1.1 Computer elements . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
1.1.2 Turing machines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
1.1.3 Pseudocode . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
1.2 Asymptotic notation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
2 Counting 13
2.1 Generating functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
2.1.1 Multivariate generating functions and special numbers . . . 17
2.1.2 The principle of inclusion and exclusion . . . . . . . . . . . 20
2.2 Stirling numbers: Combinatorial interpretation . . . . . . . . . . . 24
2.2.1 Stirling numbers of the first kind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
2.2.2 Stirling numbers of the second kind . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
2.2.3 Stirling numbers and powers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
2.3 Expansion of generating functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
2.3.1 Direct expansion of functions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29
2.3.2 Lagrange inversion theorem . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
2.4 Generating functions in probability . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36
2.4.1 Convolution of random variables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
2.5 Generating functions in the solution of recurrences . . . . . . . . . 40
vii
viii Contents
3 Symbolic Calculus 49
3.1 Admissible operations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
3.1.1 The sum and product rules . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
3.1.2 Labeled combinatorial operations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56
3.2 Applications of the symbolic calculus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
3.2.1 Compositions of integers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
3.2.2 Positional tree counting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
3.2.3 Plane tree counting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65
3.2.4 Rooted oriented trees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 66
3.3 Notes and sources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69
Bibliography 401
Solutions 418
Index 559
Preface
This is a book about the analysis of algorithms, and the data structures that sup-
port them. With all due respect to Alice, we have few pictures in the book, but tried
to keep its tone conversational, to the extent possible. We look at algorithms that
are designed to handle general data—sort any array, find the median of any numer-
ical set, identify patterns in any setting—but their analysis does not usually aspire
to such generality; we want to evaluate “average” performance, “typical” behavior,
or in mathematical terms, the expectations—and when possible, the variances and
ultimately the distributions—of the random variables that describe their operations.
Such analyses are usually conducted under the benign assumptions of uniformity,
which evidently appear natural to us. Very little has been done under nonuniform
assumptions on the input to algorithms. Most existing analyses assume that when
searching, the sought key is equally likely to be in any location; when sorting, that
the input is a random permutation of the content, and so forth. The genesis of this
book was our desire to embark on an adventure to explore the issues that arise when
we leave the comfort zone of uniformity. Indeed, like Alice, we drop into the rabbit
hole, where little looks familiar.
As the reader would infer from the foregoing, we do not deal at all with the analysis
of deterministic performance bounds, the so-called worst-case behavior, leading to
complexity theory. We rather analyze particular data structures and algorithms, with
a focus on aspects of nonuniformity.
Many exercises are presented. We think of them as essential; they convey additional
material complementing the content of the chapters. For this reason, the solutions
aim to be more than mere answers, but to explain, and expand, where it seems ap-
propriate, on the related concepts, and motivate further work by the reader. Thus, the
solutions should be seen as an integral part of the main text. The level of difficulty of
an exercise is expressed on a scale of 1–5, with 1 being easiest and 5 being hardest.
Thus, an exercise at level h1i is a straightforward application of the material, and dif-
xiii
xiv Preface
ficulty level h2i would fall in the category of “doable with some effort and attention.”
An exercise of level h5i is one for which we do not have a satisfactory solution. Do
not assume much precision was aimed for at this ranking (or is indeed possible); we
believe that rating the difficulty of a problem is highly subjective.
While the first half of the book contains much introductory material, there is no
way for it to be entirely self-contained. Our assumptions about the background of
the reader are that it includes exposure to programming, data structures, and basic
algorithms and their analysis at the undergraduate level. We also assume, at the same
level, the elements of discrete mathematics and probability, its basic concepts and
standard distributions. The central place of probability in our discussion led us to
include a more complete development of the topics we need, in Chapter 5.
A reader with a first degree in computer science, mathematics, or engineering has
adequate preparation, and falls within our expected audience. We think the book can
be used as a general reference, or as additional reading in the graduate studies in
these disciplines. Certain chapters may serve as a source for projects pursued by
undergraduate students.
Every chapter ends with a section titled “Notes and sources,” where we tell about
sources for the materials presented in the chapter, and sometimes develop back-
ground material that we use in the chapter. Whenever appropriate, we included sug-
gestions for further study of the topics we discuss.
Most of the mathematical symbols are displayed and described in a list beginning on
page xvii. We have adopted some additional conventions:
• Vectors and matrices are printed using boldface letters.
• Random variables are denoted by capital letters, and their realized values are de-
noted by the same letters in lowercase.
• Sequences and their generating functions are, whenever possible, denoted by the
same letter, such as {an } and a(x); likewise for random variables and their trans-
forms.
The book is structured in chapters, mostly falling into two main categories: funda-
mentals (tools) and applications (paradigms).
• Chapter 1 is a general introduction about some basic notions of computing, associ-
ated jargon, and notation meant to put the entire book in perspective. Chapters 2–6
fall in the fundamentals category. These fundamentals include the following tools:
• Chapter 2: Methods of counting and enumeration—generating functions and spe-
cial numbers.
• Chapter 3: Symbolic calculus, where the focus is on abstract combinatorial tools,
like sequences and compositions.
Preface xv
components are referenced by the page number on which they appear. As further
aid in orientation, several of the text components—exercises, definitions, theorems,
and the like—are all numbered consecutively within each chapter. For example, the
Lyapunov theorem in Chapter 5 is listed as Theorem 5.79 and the following exercise
is labeled Exercise 5.80, and so forth.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Our thanks go to the editors, Miklós Bóna and Robert Ross, who gave us the op-
portunity to prepare this book. Also, we are indebted to Shashi Kumar of Cenveo
Publisher Services in Noida, India, for his prompt and attentive help with LATEX. The
exposition of the book was improved via the careful scrutiny of the native eyes of Re-
becca Condit and the sound advice of the project editor, Paul Boyd. They provided
excellent editorial advice.
Micha Hofri wishes to acknowledge the main influences on his contributions to this
book: Alan Konheim showed him how mere equations capture the life and complex
evolution of data structures; the late Philippe Flajolet made him see that generating
functions are not only useful, but magic as well.
The debt to his wife, Ellen, who has an answer to any question, and an apt observation
whenever one is called for, cannot be computed: It is too large for our tools.
The second author adds his appreciation and gratitude for Philippe Flajolet. He
also acknowledges the deep influence Robert Smythe left on him. The second au-
thor wishes to acknowledge Worthy Friends for a lifetime of friendship and support
and his family for encouragement. In particular, he thanks Farideh Mahmoud, Mona
Mahmoud, Sherif, Kareem, and Mai Hafez, and Moshira Mahmoud.
We finally acknowledge, gratefully, the enormous help we have had in finding, com-
puting, and presenting much of the results we report in this volume—from software.
The MAPLE computer algebra system has done so much more than mere algebra, and
carried us through some hair-raising calculations. The entire book has been typeset
by the authors using the LATEX document-preparation system, aided by a score or two
of “packages,” created and maintained by the large, international, and industrious
TEX community.
8 Introduction
This holds, when a natural number n0 and a positive constant C exist, such that
| f (n)| 6 C |g(n)|, for all n > n0 . The reason we treat the symbol ∈ as more precise
here is that the above relation is not a true equation—more on this below—and ex-
presses the statement “ f (n) belongs to a collection of functions, all of which satisfy
this relation.” The big Oh notation tells us that ultimately (a word we use in the sense
“for large enough n)” f (n) is bounded by some multiple of g(n). An alternative for-
mulation is that f (n) increases no faster than g(n) does. However, this notation says
nothing about the value of C (which may be tiny or enormous), and it leaves open the
√
possibility that g(n) is a poor bound. Thus, it is true that n = n1/2 ∈ O(n2 ), but this
is a bound with little merit. Sometimes, we can do no better. Indeed, several complex
algorithms carry a history of successive improvements of the bounds of their cost
function, and some of these bounds differ very much!
Note: Some scientists use the big Oh notation in the sense of “the exact order of”; we
do not do this, since we have other symbols for this purpose, Θ, which we introduce
below, which provides the exact rate of growth, and ∼, which gives the exact value
of the leading term.
There is another notation that carries a similar but stronger version of the message—
f (n) increases more slowly than g(n)—the “little oh” symbol:
f (n)
f (n) ∈ o g(n) or f (n) = o g(n) , if → 0, as n → ∞. (1.1)
g(n)
The little oh makes a stronger claim than its big brother, and turns out to be somewhat
less useful.
Exercise 1.7 h1i Justify the assertion that the little oh notation makes a stronger claim
than big Oh, by showing that f (n) ∈ o(g(n)) =⇒ f (n) ∈ O(g(n)), but there are
function pairs ( f (n), g(n)) such that f (n) ∈ O(g(n)) and f (n) ∈ / o(g(n)). ♦
For the converse statement, that f (n) is ultimately bounded from below by g(n), or
that it increases at least as fast as g(n), we have the omega (Ω) notation, which also
requires the existence of a natural number n0 and a constant K, such that:
f (n) ∈ Ω g(n) , or f (n) = Ω (g(n) , if | f (n)| > K |g(n)|,
∀n > n0 .
(1.2)
You may well ask: What is the point of this additional notation, since it is clear, that
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of moustache) comme ca. Also, I have thick hair which stands up
(illustration) comme ci. I had my head shaved last November, you
know, and it had a good effect. My letter is thrilling, isn’t it, with all
these martial details? A veritable cross-section of battle, a flower from
No Man’s Land. Well, I am sending some battling picture-postcards
soon which you will find amusing, I think—portraits, in two striking
histrionic poses, of myself. You know now, from my previous letters,
that I am no longer (I thank God!) doing statistics, so gently, but widely
and most firmly, correct the statement that I have a bullet-proof job. I
had one, but succeeded, after two months’ intriguing, in getting rid of it.
It wasn’t a shell-proof job—nothing in a real regiment is. (Such jobs are
in the Ordnance or Supply Departments, back of the lines.) It wasn’t
shell-proof, I say, and if I should be squashed by a shell, wouldn’t you
hate to have it said that I was nobly holding my post in the office, or
bravely manning my typewriter? Now, I’m doing work I love—and work
you may be proud of. None of the drudgery of soldiering, but a double
share of glory and thrills. But it is not so glorious and thrilling as you.
Joyce.
* * * * *
* * * * *
Dear Aline:
To-day I was made very happy by receiving two nice little ridiculous
letters from you—one of which considered itself to be long. As to Sr.
Mary Leo—if you happen to be writing to her (you will be, for I told her
to ask you for “Rouge Bouquet”) ask her by all means to tell you how
her grandmother taught her geography. It’s an absolutely delightful
story, and she’s a delightful old saint.
You say Tad will go “in a few months.” I’m glad I’m not Tad. There
are many reasons for this, of course, but I mean I am especially glad
I’m not to go in a few months. I’m glad I’m a Sergeant in the 69th, a
volunteer regiment, the bravest and best regiment in the army. I’m glad
I have a golden service chevron on my left arm—that means six
months service in France, and is better than two bars on my shoulder,
which would mean only three months stay at Plattsburg. If I get an
honorable wound that will unfit me for soldiering but not for civilian
work, that civilian work will not be hack-writing. It may be straight
reporting, or editing, or writing (Evening World at $80 a week, for
instance) a weekly essay-column, or dramatic criticism (this last
appeals to me strongly). Also I’ll do less lecturing and more oratory—
bombastic, thundering, literary, Henry Woodfin Grady oratory! It is
exciting, and lecturing isn’t, especially.
Meanwhile I find myself approving your plan of getting literary
work, although doing it makes me feel like a coloured man approving
his wife’s plan of taking in washing. You relieve my mind greatly by
your willingness to keep your name off the book. I thought I would
acknowledge to you the pleasure I got from “A Wind Rose in the
Night.” It is a holy and dear poem.
Please see that Kenton learns to serve Mass, won’t you? Sorry to
keep teasing you about this, but you never write anything about it.
Your poem “To a Sick Child” is beautiful, and “cookies” is the
making of it. I love you.
Joyce.
* * * * *
June 1, 1918.
Dear Aline:
A terrible thing, this war, what with a pine forest to live in, all the
latest novels to read, and bridge every evening. And now I am
preparing for a short week-end in a certain nice small city, an hour’s
walk through the forest and across the mountains. It is a lovely forest
in which to wander of a June day—so deliberately European—a forest
whose tall evergreen trees and smooth brown floor suggest all the folk
tales I ever heard your dear voice beautify for our children’s delight.
Reaching this certain town, I have interesting things to do—to collect
my pay for one thing. To get mail—I hope from you. To go to
confession to Fr. Duffy or Fr. Kennedy, S. J., our new assistant
chaplain, or to some curé with thin hands and long white hair. To drink
a bottle of beer at the Sergeants’ Club—among my brother noncoms,
French, Italian and American, in horizon blue, green and olive drab
respectively. To mail to you this letter and a splendid drawing for
“Rouge Bouquet,” by Emmett Watson, of ours. To dine sumptuously on
steak and fried potatoes and Pinard at a merry bistral on a side-street,
where Madame la patronne will present me with a sprig of lilies of the
valley, which I (imagine a boutonierre with an American uniform!) will
present to the baby of the tailor’s daughter. To attend the movies—two
sous! To sleep between clean sheets in a hotel-bedroom—half a franc!
And to-morrow to be (gold service stripe flashing in the sunlight,
trench-stick jauntily swinging) a part of the many-coloured Sunday
afternoon procession along a certain broad avenue. Then back to my
forest-lodge for supper.
I have written a long topical poem about a hike which I’ll send you
soon.
I love you.
Joyce.
* * * * *
A. E. F., France.
Dear Aline:
So far, I have told about six people about your rejoicing in the fact
that the possession of a kitten justifies you in purchasing a bird-cage.
An absolutely delightful character-revelation—that is, the revelation of
a delightful character. And the most genuine sample of you I have had
since last November.
I am writing this letter in the end of one of our barracks, which its
partition cuts to make an airy office for the Supply Sergeant of
Headquarters Company. You’d like him very much—a very beautiful
person of about my age, a playwright by profession, educated in Paris.
At the other end of the long table sits a bridge party, of which the
members are the Supply Sergeant (Lemist Esler is his name), Howard
Young (who was a Marine before he became a fighting Irisher),
Sergeant Kenneth Russell (a wealthy and charming business man of
very literary taste, who knows most of the living poets we know and
revels in the Oxford Book of English Verse), and Tom O’Kelly, who has
the most beautiful tenor voice you ever heard. He is a professional
singer from Dublin, with very tightly curled close-cropped hair, a
reddish brown face, and the build of a prize-fighter. In the lulls of the
game he sings snatches of “Digging for Gould” and other nice ballads.
Admirable person.
“HE LIES BURIED, ON THE RIGHT,
BESIDE LIEUTENANT OLIVER AMES,
AT THE EDGE OF A LITTLE COPSE
KNOWN AS THE WOOD OF THE
BURNED BRIDGE, CLOSE TO THE
PURLING OURCQ”
I am with the Regiment now—the Intelligence Section is back from
its Post, the beautiful place from which I wrote you many letters. Now
we are in very flat country, the flattest I ever saw. Very violent flowers,
chiefly scarlet poppies and small blue things, cornflowers, I believe.
Gloriously hot, with good swimming nearby, and the best sort of
shower-bath, obtainable by merely sitting under the spout of a pump
while an obliging friend turns the handle.
Your letter of May twenty-sixth came after I had received a June
letter. I am delighted to hear of Kenton’s confirmation and of his choice
of a name—St. Stephen is a gallant gentleman and a true friend and
does wonderful things for me.
I’m not very enthusiastic about that group picture of office-workers
in which I appear—I like myself better as I am now, a soldier instead of
a clerk, visiting the office only occasionally—to work on my history. And
I’m ever so much happier now than when the picture was taken.
Is Kenton serving Mass yet? Please have him do so. And please
send me my Anthology—I believe restrictions no longer keep
packages from soldiers. I love you.
Joyce.
MISCELLANEOUS PIECES
A BALLAD OF NEW SINS
Prelude
I
THE SIN OF SOUTH BEND
Clandestinely, by night,
I will board a train
And be borne, palpitant and eager, over the shuddering rails,
Until
In the chaste stillness of Sunday morning
I am hurled into the blushing station of South Bend, Indiana.
Thence I will speed to the Hotel Mortimer
And, leering with hot lips,
Rubbing with tremendous hand my rough jaws
(For this is the shameful signal,
Immemorial, inevitable),
I will ask the way to the barber shop.
The liveried menials will blench,
But one of them, hardened in crime,
Will feverishly seize my proffered gold,
And lead me, on tiptoe,
To the barber-shop’s secret door.
There, in a dim back room,
Screened, impenetrable,
A barber (artfully disguised in a black coat and no chewing
gum)
Will (now and then peering nervously out beyond the screen,
fearful of spies and policemen)
Give to me, for twenty-five cents,
The forbidden delight
Of a Sunday morning shave.
II
THE WICKEDNESS OF WASHINGTON
What wickedness is more witchingly wonderful
Than the wickedness of Washington,
Where it is heinous to hock
And perilous to pawn?
I will go to Washington
And offer my watch to an usurer.
“Wait here,” he will whisper,
“And give me ten cents!”
Then will a messenger, winged like a swallow,
Carry my watch over meadow and hill
Over the riotous River Potomac
To the Virginian Shore;
He will return with a lavender ticket;
He will return with a five-dollar bill;
He will return (Oh, the logic of law!)
He will return with the watch
And the pawnbroker will lock it away.
III
THE IMMORALITY OF INDIANAPOLIS
I will go to Indianapolis,
And there sin strangely
By crossing the street catty-cornered
Instead of at the crossings,
And I shall be hanged.
WAR SONGS
I—Water-colour
Pushing my way through the chattering throng of my brown-clad
mates to the rail of the troop-ship, I look at still water, greasy and
opaque. A touch of sunlight makes it splendid with rainbows, a great
prismatic expanse, beautiful, more beautiful than clear water could
be. Broken oars shatter the rainbow, bringing a black, clumsy
rowboat close to our ship’s side. Around the black boat the rainbow
settles. The rower rests his oars and lifts graceful entreating arms.
He wears pale blue overalls. In the stern of his boat is a little girl in a
cardinal cloak. On her head is one of the caps that make the French
sailors look so gay and gentle, a flat, round, blue thing with a red
pompom. She claps her hands when cooks lean through the
portholes and throw loaves of bread to her father.
II—Breakfast
I may breakfast in either of two ways. I may, as I pass a
steaming field-kitchen, hold out by its long handle a shining
aluminum basin. John Wilkert will put into it a big ladleful of rice, and
Leo Maher will pour golden syrup over it. Also, before I leave the line
I shall have three long strips of broiled bacon and two thick slices of
white bread, and a canteen cup full of hot, sweet coffee. The
breakfast room is a meadow or the roadside across from the
barracks. There is good company, hungry and mirthful. And over our
heads noisy battalions of crows maneuver, advancing, retreating,
hoarsely shouting down to us news of what awaits us beyond the
frozen hills.
Or I may go to the House by the Fountain. Pierre’s “permission”
is over, so he will not come in from the stable to smoke my tobacco
and tell me of life and death in the trenches. Grandpere sits by the
fire, now and then blowing it to flame by forcing his scant old breath
upon it through a long hollow tube, and toasting for me a thick slice
of war-bread. Madame superintends the heating of the big iron pot of
this morning’s milk and the three-legged pot of coffee. Now my bowl
—a little precious sugar in the bottom—is filled with hot milk.
Madame deftly pours black coffee into it, and it becomes richly
brown. I break my toast into it and eat eagerly—more eagerly than
does demure little Francine, who sits opposite me, her school books
beside her on the bench. She has large innocent brown eyes like her
father’s. Her hands are so tiny that I am surprised at her dexterity
with the large pewter spoon. I am afraid that if I stare at her I shall
embarrass her and make her spill cafe au lait on her immaculate
pinafore. On the great stone mantel over the fire are a spent
seventy-five millimetre shell curiously engraved with wreaths of
roses, a pink china pig and a brass crucifix. A bugle sounds by the
barracks. I give Madame her half-franc. I take my belt and rifle. “Bon
jour, Monsieur,” says Madame, “A demain!” Some day instead of “a
demain” they will say “au revoir.”
“TRY A TIN TO-DAY”
“AND NOW,” said John Potts, whirling around on the piano-stool
and throwing his lank forelock back with a jerk of his head, “we will
interpret Grace Mallon’s soul!”
“Oh, wait till she comes, John!” boomed the Rev. Morris Gildell.
“She was at the Karl Marx Forum in our parish-house last night, and
she said positively she’d be down here this afternoon.”
“Yes, do wait!” said Mrs. Anna Watkins Wilbur, placing her fat
hands, covered with rings set with semiprecious stones, over those
of the pianist. “Do wait! It will be wonderful for her to hear it!”
The host of the occasion was Edwin Marmaduke, painter. He
was at present engaged in spooning Arabian incense out of a cocoa-
tin and putting it into a large bronze thurible, which hung before a
plaster replica of Rodin’s “Le Baiser.” The incense caught fire, and
dense clouds of fragrant smoke filled the little studio. Then
Marmaduke turned his pale but agreeable face to his guests.
“No, do it now!” he commanded. “Perhaps you and Arthura will
bring her with it.”
So John Potts struck a few minor chords, and Arthura Lewis
lifted her pale-green mantle in both thin arms, smiled at the low
ceiling, closed her eyes, and danced. She did not really dance. She
merely bent and kicked and gestured, approximately in rhythm with
the music.
She was not really Miss Arthura Lewis, either. Her first name,
which she had discarded as too usual, was Alice and her last name
was Potts, for she was the pianist’s wife. They were known to live
together in the little apartment across Patchin Place from
Marmaduke’s studio, but the fact of their marriage was scrupulously
kept a secret from the other members of their emancipated circle. No
liaison was ever hidden from the world more zealously than was the
regularity and mid-Victorian respectability of this seeming “free
comradeship.”
So John Potts played and Arthura danced, and the theme they
were interpreting was Grace Mallon’s soul. Edwin Marmaduke’s eyes
were turned toward Arthura, but he did not see her. Nor did he see
Grace’s soul. He saw her eyes—very gray and lovely—and her hair,
which was golden-brown and had an indefinable air of mirth about it.
Marmaduke loved Grace better than cigarettes, or incense, or
art; better even than the school of painting of which he was the
acknowledged master, the school which proudly accepted a name
first derisively given it—the Incomprehensiblists. So, while Arthura
twisted and turned and John Potts hammered out discords, he
thought of Grace’s beauty and charm.
To do him justice, he did not think of her great wealth. In fact, he
did not like to think of her wealth, for that wealth came from her
father’s success in a most unesthetic business. Grace was the
daughter of “Try a Tin To-day” Mallon, who was known in the world of
canned goods as the Salmon King.
There was no vulgar hand-clapping after the artists had finished
their interpretation of Grace’s soul; but the Rev. Morris Gildell rattled
his spoon against the sides of his teacup, while Mrs. Anna Watkins
Wilbur sighed ecstatically and clanked her chain of heavy amber
beads. Even in the act of lighting a cigarette, John Potts started
dramatically and pointed toward the open window.
“La voilà!” he exclaimed. “We have summoned her! I hear the
rumble of her chariot-wheels.”
There did indeed come from the cobbles of Patchin Place the
whir and snort of an automobile. Soon the great gong on the wall
clanged viciously, causing Arthura Lewis to shudder and clasp her
long, white hands to her eyes. Edwin Marmaduke sped down the
four flights of stairs that intervened between his studio and the street
door.
His deserted guests looked at one another expectantly.
“Dear Grace!” said Mrs. Anna Watkins Wilbur. “I hope she came
alone. I can’t stand that friend of hers—what is his name?—that
Watson person.”
“He is a terrible bromid,” said Arthura Lewis, lighting a cigarette.
“He’s so very—so very, shall I say, salmony!”
This was said with humorous intent and received with kindly
laughter.
“But what has Mr. Watson to do with salmon, anyway?” asked
John Potts. “Does he catch them, or what is it?”
“Nothing so exciting as that,” said the Rev. Morris Gildell, with a
great chuckle. “He merely celebrates them. He is the advertising
manager of the Mallon Salmon Company, and his chief claim to
immortality is that he invented the ‘Try a Tin To-day’ slogan. You
know those great pink pictures of ridiculous-looking fish that we see
in public vehicles and on the highways and byways, each one
holding out a can bearing the legend, ‘Try a Tin To-day’? Watson is
responsible for those mutilations of the landscape.”
“Does Watson paint them himself?” asked Mrs. Anna Watkins
Wilbur. “He looks capable of it.”
The Rev. Morris Gildell issued another of those shouts of
laughter which made the women’s clubs believe him masculine and
hearty.
“Excellent!” he cried, putting an approving hand on Mrs. Anna
Watkins Wilbur’s fat, bare shoulder. “Oh, excellent! No, Watson
doesn’t paint them, but he does worse—he inspires them. He
persuades some poor devil of an artist to make these hideous
caricatures of the truth. He is the Mæcenas of the ‘Try a Tin To-day’
school of painting.”
After waiting for the murmur of amusement to die down, the Rev.
Morris Gildell continued:
“Grace brought Watson to the Feminist Conference at our church
last week, and several people asked me what a rare, free spirit like
her could see in such a clod. I suppose she feels that she must go
around with him occasionally because he is so useful to her father.
But I hope she doesn’t think of marrying him!”
“Marrying him!” exclaimed Mrs. Anna Watkins Wilbur, Arthura
Lewis, and John Potts in unison. “I hope not!”
“Why,” said Arthura Lewis, “it would be a tragedy for an
emancipated woman like Grace to marry at all! Not to speak of
marrying such a soulless, brainless animal as that David Watson! I’d
as soon see her—”
But the conversation was interrupted by the opening of the
studio door and the entrance of Grace and their young host.
Edwin Marmaduke seemed somehow to look younger than
before. He had lost a little of his expression of languor and disdain;
and Grace was the very personification of radiant girlhood. In spite of
her knowledge of her own good looks and good clothes, she was
charmingly deferential to these people, whom she considered
intellectuals. Her naively respectful greeting to the Rev. Morris Gildell
seemed for the moment to restore to that drawing-room revolutionist
some strange lost dignity.
Men and women alike greeted the young girl with genuine
friendliness. When her gray motor-cloak had been hung over the
corner of an easel, and she had been seated on one of the few real
chairs the studio boasted, and served with sweet biscuits, a cup of
tea, and a cigarette, then the great event of the afternoon occurred—
the unveiling of Marmaduke’s portrait of her.
The blinds were drawn—for the Incomprehensiblist painting is
best appreciated in semidarkness. The incense-pot received some
new fuel; John Potts played something “very golden” on the piano;
and Edwin Marmaduke reverently drew back the gay Indian scarf
that covered his masterpiece.
II