Handout 7.

5
Giving feedback to students’ writing

1 Do you believe that it is important that for college students to have a part-time job?
2 In my opinion, I believe that there are many positive things to have a part-time job
3 for college students. First of all, there are some advantages of having a part-time
4 job is that students can buy anything what they want themselves with their own
5 money. Most of people include college students have their own desire. But not
6 every people can do buy anything what they want, only few people can do it. If the
7 students were buy the things that what they really want with their own money, it
8 would be much more valuable and precious. And through these process, their lives
9 could be more energetic and practical because they owned what they want.
10 Furthermore, they can also learn economical thinking like how to get money and
11 how to consume it effectively. And also students can being independent by having a
12 part-time job. Being independent is very important for everyone in our lives and it is
13 must needed for our society. Hence, students need experiences like this valuable
14 experiences before they get their own job. It would be necessary and crucial for
15 their future. In conclusion, having a part-time job for college students is critical and
16 essential.

Strength: Task achievement + clear structure ( intro+ conclude+ 3 points)

Weaknesses:
Text-level: Economical thinking…  under developed
Sign-posting ineffective (being independent….)
Repetition reduces clarity and cohesion
Irrelevant supporting ideas
The wrong use of complex and compound sentences
Sentence-level: (tense, word form, article,…)
- Strength: correct use of dominant tense
- Word form: can being, Must needed
- Comma splice (2 independent clause ngan cach bang dau phay)

Lexico- Grammar: (mau xanh) là do Crucial ko đi vs forr (đi vs to)  collocation (chunks of words)
This is an opinion essay written by a second year student who studies English language as her major. She
had learnt the structure of a– paragraph and of an essay prior to this writing exercise. Her level is
somewhere between Pre-intermediate and Intermediate

Topic: Many people now no longer visit museums because they think museums are uninteresting and
irrelevant to today’s life. Do you think that museums are still one of the most popular destination for tourists
or do you think otherwise? Please give your opinion and use specific reasons to explain your answer.

(1) Museums have preserved and represented cultural values and histories, being used by almost cou–
ntries in the world through the centuries for a long time.

(2) Many people now no longer visit museums because they find it uninteresting and irrelevant to today’s
life.

(3) But in my opinion, museums bring plenty of benefits.

(4) Firstly, museums are great for research.

(5) Academics, researchers and regular folks often come to museums to study.

(6) Examining old artifacts is a great way to collect information.

(7) For example, old pottery is not just showing us how others consumed food.

(8) The techniques and materials used to make it tell us more about how we progressed and evolved in
addition to what people ate.

(9) Last but not least, it’s no doubt that museums are not only an ideal way to learn about human history,
but also the cultures of different countries.

(10) By just observing art, you can glean insights into the mindset of the inhabitants of specific time periods
and countries, including their beliefs, morals, cultures, and more.

(11) A great example is the work of French post-impressionist Paul Gauguin, who lived in the South Pacific
for a time.

(12) When you stare at paintings by him during this period, you can learn all about the culture of Tahiti
without every cracking open a history book, that’s how powerful his work is.

(13) In conclusion, with such a variety of museums, there is likely something that will appeal to everyone.

(14) We all have different interests, and that’s what makes museums fun and exciting

Strength: well-structured with intro, body (2 points) and conclusion

Supporting ideas for points
Made effort / an attempt to use sign-posting and different types of sentences/ various sentence
structures
Efforts to use academic vocab
Weakness:
Text-level: (Task response, CC,
- Task achievement: the whole essay did not cover the question
- Sent (7 &8) are relevant but not linked to one another  should have conjunction or use compound
sentence.
- The development of ideas (Cohesion)
- Repetition (main point 1 & main point 2: collect info = learn about …)
- Sent 4&5 need cohesion
- Choppy sentence vs stringy sentence
Sentence-level: good use of tense
- Sent 1  relative clause
 - Sent 2  referencing
- Parallel structure in sent 9
- Sent 12: countable or uncountable N
Lexico-grammar: made an attempt to use collocations
- Glean insights
==============================================================================

This is an opinion essay written by a second year student who studies English language as her major. She
had learnt the structure of a– paragraph and of an essay prior to this writing exercise. Her level is
somewhere between Pre-intermediate and Intermediate

Topic: Many people now no longer visit museums because they think museums are uninteresting and
irrelevant to today’s life. Do you think that museums are still one of the most popular destination for tourists
or do you think otherwise? Please give your opinion and use specific reasons to explain your answer.

(1) Museums have preserved and represented cultural values and histories, being used by almost countries
in the world through the centuries for a long time.

(2) Many people now no longer visit museums because they find it uninteresting and irrelevant to today’s
life.

(3) But in my opinion, museums bring plenty of benefits.

(4) Firstly, museums are great for research.

(5) Academics, researchers and regular folks often come to museums to study.

(6) Examining old artifacts is a great way to collect information.

(7) For example, old pottery is not just showing us how others consumed food.

(8) The techniques and materials used to make it tell us more about how we progressed and evolved in
addition to what people ate.

(9) Last but not least, it’s no doubt that museums are not only an ideal way to learn about human history,
but also the cultures of different countries.

(10) By just observing art, you can glean insights into the mindset of the inhabitants of specific time periods
and countries, including their beliefs, morals, cultures, and more.

(11) A great example is the work of French post-impressionist Paul Gauguin, who lived in the South Pacific
for a time.
(12) When you stare at paintings by him during this period, you can learn all about the culture of Tahiti
without every cracking open a history book, that’s how powerful his work is.

(13) In conclusion, with such a variety of museums, there is likely something that will appeal to everyone.

(14) We all have different interests, and that’s what makes museums fun and exciting

Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it
is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your
essay.
1. It is certainly said that learning is an ongoing process .
2. Every person learn something new according to their age, experience, knowledge and education.
3. According to my point of view it is always better to have teacher or guide for study.
4. One teacher has adequate knowledge to teach their student.
5. He knows all the possible ways to make subject easier for the students, moreover, he
teaches them in an effective manner.
6. For example, some students are weak in some subjects but a teacher always guides them
according to their mental capacity.
7. He teaches them as fun.
8. Some people can learn better in group by discuss the topics with others.
9. In class people can know the views of others, even they know how we can learn effectively.
10. Where the teacher always gives an easy direction to learn.
11. In the today’s competitive world, everybody is busy, some people think that rather to waste
their time to go for classes they can learn better their subject.
12. They can attend online classes by using the Internet at home.
13. They can get relevant information from the Internet regarding their topic.
14. There is not specific time or age limit to learn something new.
15. Some new things we can only learn from experience – for example new facts, new habits
and so on.
16. In sum up, I would like to say that it is always better for the people to have a teacher
because a teacher has good knowledge, experience and is educated how to teach others.
17. People will learn from a teacher in an easier way rather than on their own.

Text level: Overall, the student has answered the question.

Refutation does not support the main idea 1.
Body para 1:
- ko có signposting, cách sử lý câu của hs không làm rõ topic sentence (5), những câu supporting
sentences không hỗ trợ cho main idea (adequate knowledge)
- (8), (9), (10) không trực tiếp support vì không hề có topic sentence
Body para 2:
- thiếu cohesive devices -> ảnh hưởng cohesion
- missing topic sentence
2. Sentence level
- S-V agreement: câu (2)
- punctuation mark: câu (3) -> a lack of punctuation after adverbial clause, câu (9) (in class), listing: câu (2)
+ câu (15) (thiếu comma trước and education + for example new facts)
- singular/ plural: câu (3), (4), (5), (8)
- referencing/ shift: (4), (9)
- comma splice: (11),
- verb form: 8 (by discussing), 11 (waste time going)
- misorder of adverbs: 11
- choppy sentence (ko kết nối bởi cohesive device)
- sentence fragment: 10
3. lexico-grammar
-