I am afraid to speak English

People will laugh at me. What if i start a

conversation with a native speaker, and I suddenly

forget words? What if I just can't support a

conversation, like I won't be able to use my

English? I have so many fears. What should I do?

Hey guys! Welcome to Lingo Marina. Today we're

going to talk about those questions that arise in

your head whenever you are confronted with a

situation to speak to a native speaker in English. I

just want to say, like first of all, i…i'm pretty sure

you've heard that many times that it's just all in

your head. But i know we need to kind of dig

deeper and talk about your fears because i had

those fears, like even now when i speak German.

Because I’m a perfectionist, um i get very nervous

because i know i make mistakes, and i know i

forget words, and i know everything like this

happens. and my face turns red, and i just, you

know and…and it actually starts happening like

when i'm relaxed. My German is a lot better, like if

i'm in an environment just talking to friends or just

talking to someone at a store. It would be like

really smooth language. When i start thinking like,

“Oh my God”, like this is one of the reasons i

stopped recording videos about German just

because it's…it's been declining, and i have those

fears but i also have them in English. But with

English i understood that English is a tool, it's an

instrument that i use to improve my life. And

without it, you know, i won't be able to achieve my

new goals. I won't be able to get to new levels of

whatever, Youtube, of my company's development.

So today, i'm gonna start with fear.

Number one, people are gonna laugh at me. The

only time I've been laughed at uh…in terms of my

English is when, uh like left in real life, like i get

mocked about my accent. A lot on social media,

but it happens because i get hundreds of thousands

of views, and i understand that even kittens get

dislikes on YouTube. And there will be people who

are unhappy with whatever i'm doing, and just

because i'm doing it, they will be posting bad

comments and hating me for whatever i do. But i

also understand sometimes it's actually good to

have that feedback because people tell me, “oh

Marina that was wrong. That phrase wasn't correct.

But they're not laughing at me, they're telling me

how to improve, and i accept that with gratitude.

So, the only time i've been laughed at actually

happened uh…when i was talking to my friend.

And uh…i…i told him i was so hooked up with

this person. Like i wanted to say that we're really

connected with a person, but i used a phrasal verb

to hook up with someone, and it actually means

have a sexual relationship. And this not what, it

was not what i meant. And another time it

happened recently on Instagram. I came to a

butcher store, and i posted a story that i missed his

meat, and meat in American conversational

English, when you say i missed his meat, means i

missed his penis. And again, people laughed at me,

but i thought it was funny, like it's not like, and it

was like dms people “Oh my God, Oh my God,

Marina, do you know it has a second meaning?”

uh…it and it's not like they are angry at me for

making that mistake. It was like, you know, a

friendly advice. So i've never ever had like people

in real life like laugh at me, like say “Oh my God,

your English is so bad, what are you doing here?”

Never ever happened in my life. And i started

practicing English at the age of 14, and i was

hanging out with really mean, like teenagers can be

really mean, and they can tell really bad things in

your face. But never has that ever happened to me

because people understand that I'm making an

effort to be understood. They understand that I

come from a completely different culture and uh

that I've never spoken English to my parents or to

my grandparents. So the only exception here is

social media. Like if you're speaking English (and)

social media, just be ready to get those hate

comments. And even if you're perfect in English,

even if you're 120 out of 120 on TOEFL and you

post a video how you got that score, you would

still, like if it goes viral you would still get

comments from people. “It's impossible your

english is not good enough, etc”.

Like, there would always be people on social media

hating you, but in real life, there's like this tiny

chance it's gonna happen. But it's…it's not gonna

happen, guys. Native speakers, especially

Americans, especially British people, are very

friendly in real life. Uh people who i met, people

who i talked to in English, even when i was

intermediate, they were really friendly and really

supportive. So it's all in our heads, and i think if

you have this fear in English, like people would

laugh at you, you probably have it in other aspects

of your life. So it's just another reason for you to sit

down with yourself and think about like “I don't

have to be liked by everyone”. And again, I am a

person who has this feeling all the time. I want to

be liked by everyone. I want it, I'm fighting this.

Like once I started my channels, I realized i can't

be liked by everyone, but it was really hurting me

every time i read something negative about myself.

And it took me a while to understand and to realize

that my goal is to use my talents, is to grow as an

entrepreneur, Youtuber, whatever, as a mom and

do the best that i can. What other people think

about me, it's other people's business. They have

their own understanding of reality, they have their

own experience. Maybe they just have a bad day,

but it doesn't have anything to do with me. And if

you want to dig deeper in this problem, i really

advise you to read a book, uh “The courage to be

disliked”. It's like one of those books that i started

reading last year. I think last year i had this, i don't

know, personality crisis, but i was like, “i don't

want to do this. I don't want to do it. I'm afraid to

do this because people would comment, and they

would be unhappy with what i do”. And I started

just doing a lot of psychological research, and i

started (doing) reading a lot of books, and that was

one of the books that really, really helped me. Like

it just talks about how you can't control other

people's emotions. You can't control what they

think of you. What you have to do is focus on what

you can do the best, is focus on your goals and start

and achieve them. Another thing i could

recommend watch “The One” on Netflix. It talks

just about this woman entrepreneur who's a little

ruthless, and she's not like a role model that i want

you to follow, but it just talks about, like how she

deals with all the problems that arise. When i was

thinking like if i were at her place, i would have

definitely given up, but she continued going. I

really encourage you to read those books, to watch

“The One” on Netflix and to just read interviews uh

related to this topic. Because this would help you in

your life in general, not just with English. Of

course, you will realize that you know the majority

of people won't laugh at you, and if they will, it is

their problem. It's not your problem, you're doing

your best, you're practicing your English, you are

putting effort into being understood by people who

don't even speak your language and don't even

make an effort to learn your language.

Okay, psychology class is over. Let's move up to

some practical advice regarding other things that

you can do. So there is another fear: What if the

conversation gets too complicated, and i won't be

able to support it? I also get this fear. Like for

example, again i can't really relate to this in English

right now because my language is pretty, i would

say, pretty advanced to talk about all kinds of

topics. But with German, i can totally relate. And

when people start asking me about business, i

understand that i will start a conversation. I will

talk about my company. But if they start digging

deeper, i would be like, “Oh my God, this is too

complicated”. And um what in 2018, i had to have

a surgery in Germany, and i was surprised i was

actually able to communicate with doctors and

nurses about medical stuff. Because basically,

when we talk about English, we have 1000 words

that make up 86 of the conversation. And what you

really need to know, if you know those 1000

words, if you go into specific conversation, you can

always ask for definitions of like specific words. So

it was in Germany doing that surgery. I was like

“oh, and what, what is this in German? I can say

that in English or i could show you on Google”.

And once i learned like five or seven words that i

needed that were related to that surgery, the

conversation became really easy because you don't

need to know like the whole idea of surgery,

medical business vocabulary to support an

advanced conversation. All you need is those 1000

words and also, if you're like “oh i don't know how

many words i know right now”, this doesn't

actually matter if you understand this video that

means you know enough words to support a

conversation. So start practicing and if you forget a

word, if you don't know the term, if you forget a

word, you can just Google it on your phone with

Google Translate and show your party this this

word, and you will be totally fine. And this is, by

the way, the way you learn this word really fast.

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Now, let's continue with the video. Another

question is that what if i feel shy, what if i stop and

freeze? Okay, this can happen as well if you are too

nervous about the conversation. The trick that helps

me a lot is to pretend that you're someone else.

Because, again, stopping and freezing has to do

something uh with what's going on with you

internally. Like maybe you're, again, thinking that

people are gonna laugh at you, and just there are so

many thoughts in your head that you can't just

process them. So, imagine that you're a different

person. You probably if you're speaking to a native

speaker, you're probably in a new country, nobody

knows you, and once this conversation is over, you

will part ways with this person. So, try to pretend

you're your favorite movie character, try to pretend

you're an American if you're in America, try to

pretend that you are this famous blogger that you

really, really like. I don't know, try to pretend to be

someone else just for this conversation. It just lets

your fears go, and it helps you become more

confident when you speak.

What if i offend someone? That's another fear, and

one thing i wanted to remember here is that when

we talk to a person, people pay attention to our

body language, to our facial expressions or

emotions. And even if you say something

incorrectly in English they would understand you

didn't really mean it. And also, they would

understand like if they tell you about something

and you like you don't understand, but you just say

yes, and a lot of times people will tell you “But you

didn't understand right?” And they would explain

in another way. It's okay to say “Oh i didn't mean

that, sorry. Was that offensive because my English

is not good enough”. It's okay. But if you're smiling

,if you're open, then people will understand 100

that you didn't mean to offend them, that it was like

“Oh my God, i'm sorry, that is something that we're

used to in our culture or mixed up the word”.

People would understand

Tip #1 Now let's wrap up this video with a couple

of tips. Uh if you have an important conversation

English coming up, maybe you have an interview

with a university or, i remember when we were

preparing for Y Combinator interview, it's an

accelerator here in Silicon Valley, the worst

mistake that you can do is actually overthink. It

makes sense to prepare, it makes sense to go

through questions that were asked before in this

kind of environment. Like, go through questions

that universities ask during the interview, go

through questions that people are normally asked,

etc. But i would say take your time, prepare for two

hours, but don't take too long. Because when it

takes too long, when it takes days, we over

prepared for a Y Combinator interview. And

instead of relaxing before it, instead of just

catching the vibe of Silicon Valley, we were just

brainstorming how we're gonna fight that small

company that is trying to do the same thing, and

people there didn't even know about it. And like

now when i look back at it, it's important to know

what you're talking about, like to tell your story, to

tell i don't know, why you're interested in this so

that university, this or that subject. But don't

overthink. Like they would probably ask basic

questions, or if they ask some complicated

questions, it is almost impossible to predict what

they're going to ask. So learn some basic things,

but then let yourself relax. Watch something in

English just put yourself into that environment

before the conversation or before the test so that

your brain switches from your language into

English. It will be a lot easier.

Tip #2 The next tip, be nervous and do it anyways.

Michael Jordan once said “being nervous isn't bad,

it just means something important is happening”.

So my tip here, and uh i did an interview with

Justin Khan on Silicon Valley girl, and he said

“don't be afraid of your emotions, don't suppress

them, tell yourself, okay”. I am nervous about this

conversation i'm gonna have in English. It is fine. I

understand that i'm nervous because it is an

important conversation. I understand that my

English is maybe not good enough, and i haven't

practiced a lot but i'm gonna do it anyways. And uh

i'm gonna use this conversation as practice and

after the conversation i'm gonna sit down and think

“what was good and what was bad”. I was really

bad at like analyzing things afterwards because i'm

this perfectionist, and when i shoot a video, i don't

want to see it just because i understand i could have

done better. And this is an endless process. But i

actually taught myself to look at numbers. I taught

myself to actually sit down and think what i did

wrong and what could be done better. And it helps

a lot with your progression. So after the

conversation, sit down with yourself and think “did

i do everything i could do?” And if not, you know,

just have some tips for yourself for the next

conversation. And i have this note in my iphone

where i just put in things that i could do better in

my videos, and uh i have those tips uh that i always

look at before an important video and just remind

myself that i make those mistakes. It is okay it's

good that i know about them and i'm gonna be

better.

Tip #3 In the next video, the next tip, do it until it

feels normal. Just keep having those conversations

in English, keep being shy, keep being nervous. At

some stage, you're gonna be tired of it, especially if

you're in an English-speaking country or if you're

applying to universities. Like, i have a lot of people

here in the U.S who are applying in the

universities, mostly children of my friends. Oh my

God i'm so old. Uh but they're applying to, like, 24

colleges at once and you know, interview number

ten, you just get tired of it, and you just get used to

it, and you don't feel nervous anymore. So keep

doing.

Tip #4 Also, adopt the growth mindset, something

we've already talked about. Like i am bad at

speaking English, my accent's not good enough yet,

but i'm using this as a way to practice and i'm using

this exact conversation as my way to improve.

Tip #5 Learn to laugh at yourself. You know, life is

simple, we over complicate so many things we tend

to think that this meeting is game changer. It is not.

You can always do another meeting. There's so

many people in the world, there's so many

opportunities and if you don't get any results from

the upcoming conversation, doesn't matter. You

can do a lot more conversations. The most

important thing is that you have yourself, you have

your time, you have your brain that helps you

speak English. Like don't create problems for

yourself. Enjoy life, we only have one life, and i

want you to go ahead and enjoy it and look at

everything from a positive perspective especially, if

it's something like smaller like conversation with a

native speaker. Come on, uh it's gonna be fine life

is easy. Smile! Tell yourself that if not today,

you're gonna make it tomorrow. If not tomorrow,

you're gonna make it in a week. It is fine. You'll get

there. Thank you guys so much for watching this

video up to the very end. Please subscribe this

channel, and if you have friends who are struggling

to speak English or any other language, please

share this video with them. and i'll see you very

soon in my next videos. Bye.