Communication - Building Harmony at Home 2016

| TRANSFORMING ORGANIZATIONS | ENHANCING PEOPLE EFFECTIVENESS | BUILDING A JOYFUL, HEALTHY & PRODUCTIVE WORKFORCE |
Communication:
Building Harmony at Home
Presented by:
Corriyn Choy, Masters in Counseling
Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

® No reproduction of material without written permission from Human Dynamic
Objectives:
• Understand the role of communication in the family
• Analyse your communication style & learning how to
communicate with different styles
• How to communicate effectively within the family

What makes/form a STRONG &

HEALTHY family?

8 Qualities for Strong Families

1. Communication
2. Togetherness
3. Shared activities
4. Acceptance
5. Affection
6. Support
7. Commitment
8. Resilient
Importance of Family Communication

Resolve the Expressing feelings and
unavoidable problems discussing problems
that arise in all families encourages peace and
harmony at home
Enables members to express

their needs, wants, and
concerns to each other
Different Types of Communication

• Instrumental Communication
• Affective communication
• Intent and Direction
• Assertiveness

Barriers to Communication in the Family
• Face-Saving
• Assumption
• Own agenda
• Inhibition
• Incongruence
• Substitution

Levels of Communication
Needs
Level of Feelings
Intimacy
Opinions
Facts
Clichés

The Five Levels of Communication

Level Five • Use phrases like ‘How are you?’ ‘How is work/school?’. No
CLICHES personal sharing. Each person remains safely behind his
screen.
Level Four • Information/Statistics about the weather, the office, friends, the
news, personal activities, etc. Requires no in depth thinking or
FACTS feeling.
Level Three • Willing to step out of his solitary confinement and risk
OPINIONS telling some of his ideas and decisions
Level Two • Shares what he feels about facts, ideas and judgments.
FEELINGS • Feelings underneath these areas are revealed.
Level One • Absolute openness and honesty.

• The deepest level of communication and intimacy where you
NEEDS feel completely safe to reveal your needs with each other.

Something to try with your spouse

• Find a place where you and your spouse can
be alone. Quietly sit with pen and paper. Write
down all the highlights and low points in your
life. Start at the earliest age you can
remember. You can make use of stick figures,
symbols, picture etc. When you are done, take
turns to share the stories with each other.

What is my
Communication Style?

What is your communication style?
Director Promoter
Supporter Analyzer
DIRECTOR
• Not shy – no problems giving orders
• Private about personal matters
• Comes on strong in conversation
• Tends to express strong opinions
about things
• Take charge of conversations at times
• Fearless; no obstacle is too big to
tackle
• Results Oriented

How to Communicate with a Director
Communicating
Strengths Limitations
with them
•Confident •Too brief, blunt • Be brief and direct
•Takes charge •Dominates • Stick to the point
•Clear, to the point, •Listens but is more • Focus on what
results oriented interested in their you want, not how
•Decisive without agenda you want it
delay •Inspires fear, • Let them share
•Pragmatic burnout ideas, be in charge
•Impatient, so as to get results
insensitive quickly
PROMOTER
• Full of ideas and impulsive in
trying them
• Talkative and open about self;
asks others’ opinions
• Talk rapidly
• Express views with enthusiasm
• May use vigorous hand gestures
• Easy to express point of view
dramatically and forcefully
How to Communicate with a PROMOTER
Communicating
Strengths Limitations with them
• Talkative • Oversells ideas • Be specific
• Many ideas • Unprepared, unclear • Friendly
• Approachable • Misses details, • Let them verbalize
• Generates optimism follow through ideas and thoughts
• Enthusiasm • Too sensitive, • Offer ideas,
• Persuasive trusting recognition, other
• Too agreeable, incentives
• Successful with and
through others makes promises just • Limit details in
to be liked writing
SUPPORTER
• Good listener
• Timid about voicing contrary opinions
• Concerned for others’ feelings
• Friendly & sensitive
• Relationship Oriented
• Makes and express decision in a thoughtful,
deliberate manner

How to Communicate with a SUPPORTER
Communicating
Strengths Limitations
with them
• Sincere, • Avoids confrontations • Be sincere, agreeable,
trustworthy • Too patient, yielding, supportive
• Patient, persistent gives false hopes • Focus on what you
• Listens actively • Too quiet, passive, want and how you
• Calm, easy going taken advantage of want it
• Depends on proven • Slow to change • Present changes non-
processes • Holds grudges threateningly,
minimize risks
• Be patient, give time
to think, respond,
adjust
ANALYSER
• Introverted
• Quick to think and slow to speak
• Closed about personal matters
• Cautious, logical, thrifty approach
• Thoughtful; no problem is too big to
ponder
• Express problems in a disciplined,
deliberate manner.
• Often quiet and seemed aloof
How to Communicate with an ANALYSER
Strengths Limitations Communicating

with them
• Well-prepared, • Insensitive, too critical • Be thoroughly
accurate • Inflexible, Misses big prepared, objective,
• Objective, logical, picture persistent
controlled • withdrawn, non- • Focus on what you
• Systematic trusting want and why you
• Detail-oriented • Imposes high want it
• Precise with standards • Support everything
expectations • Too cautious, with accurate data
• Plans to reduce risks Worrisome • Be patient, allow for
criticism and changes
• Result • People
Oriented Oriented
Task Director Promoter

Rational Get it Done Get Appreciated People
Non Emotional
emotional Expressive
Thinkers Get it Right Get Along Friendly
Factual Intuitive
Analyzer Supporter
• Idea Oriented • Relationship

Assessor Oriented

How to Communicate Effectively with

Family Members ?
• Don’ts and Do’s of Communication

Don’ts of Communication
• Lecturing/ Preaching
• Judging/ Condemning
• Threatening
• Blaming
• Criticizing
• Ridiculing
• Mind-reading
• Comparing
Avoid asking/using...
• “Don’t you feel that…?”

• “Why did you say that?”
• “When are you going to do
something about…?”
• “What are you waiting for?”
• Absolutes like “always” and “never”

Do’s of Communication
• Find time to talk
• Be a Good listener
• Take Genuine Interest
• Open Mindedness
• Show Empathy
• Be Specific

“There is no greater gift to give to

someone than your interest.”

Active Listening
o Paraphrase points of view (thought)
o Show empathy (feeling)
o Assertiveness
o Using “I” statement
Notes: Be aware of Non-Verbal communication

(Body language & Voice)
How to Paraphrase ?
“If I’m hearing you right, you conveyed that …?”
“So you’re saying that …?”

“… you believe that …?”
“… you feel that …?”
“If I understand you correctly …?”

Making Assertive Statements

• When you ______, I feel _________.”
• “When you ______, then I _________, and I

feel ___________.”
• Eg: “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I

feel frustrated. Can I count on you to be on
time tomorrow?”
Giving Feedback
Positive: “I know that you work very
hard to contribute to the family”
Negative: “However, when I called
you yesterday, you did not
sound very friendly”
Positive Suggestion: “It would be
good if you can speak in a more
friendly tone”
Check-Out: How does this sound
to you?/ What do you think?

Exercise on Giving Feedback

Bryan and Sharon have been married for 9 years, and
have two children. Bryan has been recently promoted
to a senior managerial position at his company. Since
he was promoted, he has been working 60 hours a
week, often not reaching home in time to play with his
children or even say goodnight to them. He is often
exhausted by the time he reaches home at around
10pm, and relaxes by watching TV or reading a book.
Sharon feels neglected by her husband, and is also
worried that with him being so busy, their children will
not have a good and close relationship with their
father.
Building Family Harmony
• Discuss, not debate issues

• Give room to be unique
• Acts of consideration
• Doing activities that build
memories and unity
• Making use of support networks
• Learning to build and not to tear down
family bonds

Questions?

Work Life Coaches can assist with:
WORK-RELATED ISSUES PERSONAL ISSUES

• Career Development • Marital issues
• Work Stress • Parenting issues
• Work performance
• Personal growth
• Work Conflict
• People Management • Mental/ emotional health
• Work Changes • Interpersonal Relationship
• Work Relationship • Substance Use
• Relocation adjustment • Family issues
• Sexual harassment
• Sexual Harassment
• Critical Incident
• Job Loss • Grief and loss
• Critical Incident

Work Life Coaches can assist with:
LEGAL ISSUES* FINANCIAL ISSUES*
• Real Estate (Property sales / • Debt Management

Rental Issue) • Retirement Planning
• Divorce / • Personal Investment
Separation
• Income Tax
• Will Issue
• Financial Planning
• Family disputes/
settlements • Advise on home loans, personal
loans
• Consumer protection laws &
grievances
• Motor vehicles law
* Only Consultation, Procedures (E.g. representation, documentation, etc ) are not free

Confidential ?
ABSOLUTELY
• Our coaches and consultants are required to strictly
maintain your confidentiality.
• Your name, personal particulars, and the content of

consultation will not be revealed to your company or
any other third party.
• The only exception to this are disclosures related to

potential harm to yourself or to others.

Country Hotline Work Life Coaching (EAP) is a valuable

Australia 1800 629 277 resource for you and your family’s
China 400 830 4499 total well-being and….
Hong Kong 3071 4884
India
1800 102 0309/ IT’S FREE!
000800 4401661
Japan 0120-926-854
Just dial a Human Dynamic Toll-
Korea 080 794 0880
Free Hotline
Malaysia 1800 880735
Singapore 1800 6221 329 If you are overseas, please call the
Global Hotline:
Taiwan 0800-666-263 (65) 6494 0040
Vietnam 1800 555501

Thank you


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| TRANSFORMING ORGANIZATIONS | ENHANCING PEOPLE EFFECTIVENESS | BUILDING A JOYFUL, HEALTHY & PRODUCTIVE WORKFORCE |

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

What makes/form a STRONG &

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

8 Qualities for Strong Families

Importance of Family Communication

Enables members to express

Different Types of Communication

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Barriers to Communication in the Family

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

The Five Levels of Communication

Level One • Absolute openness and honesty.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Something to try with your spouse

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

What is your communication style?

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

How to Communicate with a Director

How to Communicate with a PROMOTER

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

How to Communicate with a SUPPORTER

How to Communicate with an ANALYSER

Strengths Limitations Communicating

Task Director Promoter

• Idea Oriented • Relationship

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

How to Communicate Effectively with

• Don’ts and Do’s of Communication

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

• “Don’t you feel that…?”

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

“There is no greater gift to give to

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Notes: Be aware of Non-Verbal communication

“If I’m hearing you right, you conveyed that …?”

“So you’re saying that …?”

“If I understand you correctly …?”

Making Assertive Statements

• “When you ______, then I _________, and I

• Eg: “When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Exercise on Giving Feedback

Building Family Harmony

• Discuss, not debate issues

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Work Life Coaches can assist with:

WORK-RELATED ISSUES PERSONAL ISSUES

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Work Life Coaches can assist with:

LEGAL ISSUES* FINANCIAL ISSUES*

• Real Estate (Property sales / • Debt Management

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

• Your name, personal particulars, and the content of

• The only exception to this are disclosures related to

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

Country Hotline Work Life Coaching (EAP) is a valuable

Copyright © 2016 Human Dynamic Asia Pacific Limited.

• “When you , then I ___, and I