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ADVANCED METHODS AND DEEP
LEARNING IN COMPUTER VISION
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Computer Vision and Pattern Recognition
ADVANCED
METHODS AND
DEEP LEARNING
IN
COMPUTER
VISION
Edited by
E.R. Davies
Matthew A. Turk
Academic Press is an imprint of Elsevier
125 London Wall, London EC2Y 5AS, United Kingdom
525 B Street, Suite 1650, San Diego, CA 92101, United States
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Copyright © 2022 Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the
publisher. Details on how to seek permission, further information about the Publisher’s permissions policies and our
arrangements with organizations such as the Copyright Clearance Center and the Copyright Licensing Agency, can be found
at our website: www.elsevier.com/permissions.
This book and the individual contributions contained in it are protected under copyright by the Publisher (other than as may
be noted herein).
Notices
Knowledge and best practice in this field are constantly changing. As new research and experience broaden our
understanding, changes in research methods, professional practices, or medical treatment may become necessary.
Practitioners and researchers must always rely on their own experience and knowledge in evaluating and using any
information, methods, compounds, or experiments described herein. In using such information or methods they should be
mindful of their own safety and the safety of others, including parties for whom they have a professional responsibility.
To the fullest extent of the law, neither the Publisher nor the authors, contributors, or editors, assume any liability for any
injury and/or damage to persons or property as a matter of products liability, negligence or otherwise, or from any use or
operation of any methods, products, instructions, or ideas contained in the material herein.
ISBN: 978-0-12-822109-9
To my children, Elizabeth, Sarah and Marion, and grandchildren, Jasper, Jerome, Eva, Tara and Pia,
for bringing endless joy into my life!
Roy Davies
This book is dedicated to the students, colleagues, friends, and family who have motivated, guided,
and supported me in ways too numerous to mention.
To my wife, Kelly, and my children, Hannah and Matt – special thanks and appreciation for your love
and inspiration.
Matthew Turk
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Contents
vii
viii Contents
6. Deep face recognition using full and 9.3 Online-learning-based methods 314
partial face images 9.4 Deep learning-based methods 323
9.5 The transition from tracking to
HASSAN UGAIL
segmentation 327
9.6 Conclusions 331
6.1 Introduction 221
References 332
6.2 Components of deep face
recognition 227
6.3 Face recognition using full face 10. Long-term deep object tracking
images 231 EFSTRATIOS GAVVES AND DEEPAK GUPTA
6.4 Deep face recognition using partial face
data 233 10.1 Introduction 337
6.5 Specific model training for full and partial 10.2 Short-term visual object tracking 341
faces 237 10.3 Long-term visual object tracking 345
6.6 Discussion and conclusions 239 10.4 Discussion 367
References 240 References 368
Sathyanarayanan Aakur Computer Science, Ok- Ali Krayani DITEN, University of Genoa, Genoa,
lahoma State University, Stillwater, OK, United Italy
States Ji Lin Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Cam-
Yogesh Balaji Department of Computer Science bridge, MA, United States
and UMACS, University of Maryland, College Lucio Marcenaro DITEN, University of Genoa,
Park, MD, United States Genoa, Italy
Han Cai Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Michael Maynord University of Maryland, Com-
Cambridge, MA, United States puter Science Department, Iribe Center for Com-
Zhaowei Cai Amazon Web Services, Pasadena, CA, puter Science and Engineering, College Park, MD,
United States United States
Andrea Cavallaro Centre for Intelligent Sens- Umberto Michieli Department of Information En-
ing, Queen Mary University of London, London, gineering, University of Padova, Padova, Italy
United Kingdom Ramy Mounir Computer Science and Engineering,
Rama Chellappa Departments of Electrical and University of South Florida, Tampa, FL, United
Computer Engineering and Biomedical Engineer- States
ing, Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, MD, Hien Nguyen Department of Electrical and Com-
United States puter Engineering, University of Houston, Hous-
Dongdong Chen Microsoft Cloud & AI, Redmond, ton, TX, United States
WA, United States Changjae Oh Centre for Intelligent Sensing, Queen
E.R. Davies Royal Holloway, University of London, Mary University of London, London, United King-
Egham, Surrey, United Kingdom dom
Michael Felsberg Computer Vision Laboratory, De- Sujoy Paul Google Research, Bangalore, India
partment of Electrical Engineering, Linköping Uni- Carlo Regazzoni DITEN, University of Genoa,
versity, Linköping, Sweden Genoa, Italy
School of Engineering, University of KwaZulu- Amit K. Roy-Chowdhury University of California,
Natal, Durban, South Africa Riverside, Electrical and Computer Engineering,
Cornelia Fermüller University of Maryland, Insti- Riverside, CA, United States
tute for Advanced Computer Studies, Iribe Cen- Sudeep Sarkar Computer Science and Engineering,
ter for Computer Science and Engineering, College University of South Florida, Tampa, FL, United
Park, MD, United States States
Efstratios Gavves Informatics Institute, University Giulia Slavic DITEN, University of Genoa, Genoa,
of Amsterdam, Amsterdam, Netherlands Italy
Deepak Gupta Informatics Institute, University of Radu Timofte Computer Vision Lab, ETH Zürich,
Amsterdam, Amsterdam, Netherlands Zürich, Switzerland
Song Han Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Marco Toldo Department of Information Engineer-
Cambridge, MA, United States ing, University of Padova, Padova, Italy
Gang Hua Wormpex AI Research, Bellevue, WA, Hassan Ugail Centre for Visual Computing, Uni-
United States versity of Bradford, Bradford, United Kingdom
xi
xii List of contributors
Nuno Vasconcelos University of California San Pietro Zanuttigh Department of Information Engi-
Diego, Department of Electrical and Computer En- neering, University of Padova, Padova, Italy
gineering, San Diego, CA, United States Kai Zhang Computer Vision Lab, ETH Zürich,
Alessio Xompero Centre for Intelligent Sens- Zürich, Switzerland
ing, Queen Mary University of London, London,
United Kingdom
About the editors
xiii
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Preface
It is now close to a decade since the ex- enhanced by the extremely rapid take-up of
plosive growth in the development and ap- DNNs.
plication of deep neural networks (DNNs) It is the purpose of this volume to explore
came about, and their subsequent progress the way computer vision has advanced since
has been little short of remarkable. True, this these dramatic changes were instigated. In-
progress has been helped considerably by deed, we can validly ask where we are now,
the deployment of special hardware in the and how solid is the deep neural and ma-
form of powerful GPUs; and their progress chine learning base on which computer vi-
followed from the realization that CNNs sion has recently embarked. Has this been a
constituted a crucial architectural base, to coherent movement or a blind opportunistic
which features such as ReLUs, pooling, fully rush forward in which workers have ignored
connected layers, unpooling and deconvolu- important possibilities, and can we see fur-
tion could also be included. In fact, all these ther into the future and be sure that we are
techniques helped to breathe life into DNNs advancing in the right direction? Or is this
and to extend their use dramatically, so a case where each worker can take his or her
the initial near-exponential growth in their own viewpoint and for any given application
merely attend to what appears to be neces-
use has been maintained without break for
sary, and if so, is anything lost by employing
the whole subsequent period. Not only has
a limited approach of this sort?
the power of the approach been impressive
In fact, there are other highly pertinent
but its application has widened considerably
questions to be answered, such as the thorny
from the initial emphasis on rapid object lo-
one of the extent to which a deep network
cation and image segmentation—and even
can only be as powerful as the dataset it
semantic segmentation—to aspects pertain- is trained on; this question will presum-
ing to video rather than mere image analysis. ably apply to any alternative learning-based
It would be idle to assert that the whole approach, whether describable as a DNN
of the development of computer vision since or not. Employing reinforcement learning
2012 has been due solely to the advent or self-supervision or other approaches will
of DNNs. Other important techniques such surely not affect this likely limitation. And
as reinforcement learning, transfer learning, note that human beings are hardly examples
self-supervision, linguistic description of im- of how extensive training can in any way
ages, label propagation, and applications be avoided; their transfer learning capabili-
such as novelty and anomaly detection, im- ties will be a vital aspect of how efficient the
age inpainting and tracking have all played learning process can be made.
a part and contributed to the widening and It is the aim of this volume not only to
maturing of computer vision. Nevertheless, present advanced vision methodologies but
many such techniques and application ar- also to elucidate the principles involved: i.e.,
eas have been stimulated, challenged, and it aims to be pedagogic, concentrating as
xv
xvi Preface
much on helping the reader to understand retical frameworks and experimental results
as on presenting the latest research. With this that help to achieve this.
in mind, Chapter 1 sets the scene for the re- Chapter 4 tackles the computational prob-
mainder of this volume. It starts by looking lems of deep neural networks, which make
closely at the legacy of earlier vision work, it difficult to deploy them on resource-
covering in turn feature detection, object de- constrained hardware devices. It dis-
tection, 3D vision and the advent of DNNs; cusses model compression techniques and
finally, tracking is taken as an important ap- hardware-aware neural architecture search
plication area which builds on the material techniques with the aim of making deep
of the earlier sections and shows clearly how learning more efficient and making neural
deep networks can play a crucial role. This networks smaller and faster. To achieve all
chapter is necessarily quite long, as it has to this, the chapter shows how to use param-
get from ground zero to a formidable attain- eter pruning to remove redundant weights,
ment level in relatively few pages; in addi- low-rank factorization to reduce complex-
tion, it has to set the scene for the important ity, weight quantization to reduce weight
developments and methodologies described precision and model size, and knowledge
by eminent experts in the remaining chap- distillation to transfer dark knowledge from
ters. large models to smaller ones.
As is made clear in Chapter 1, object de- Chapter 5 discusses how deep generative
tection is one of the most challenging tasks in models attempt to recover the lower dimen-
computer vision. In particular, it has to over- sional structure of the target visual mod-
come problems such as scale-variance, occlu- els. It shows how to leverage deep gener-
sion, variable lighting, complex backgrounds ative models to achieve more controllable
and all the factors of variability associated visual pattern synthesis via conditional im-
with the natural world. Chapter 2 describes age generation. The key to achieving this
the various methods and approaches that is “disentanglement” of the visual represen-
have been used in recent advances. These tation, where attempts are made to sepa-
include region-of-interest pooling, multitask rate different controlling factors in the hid-
losses, region proposal networks, anchors, den embedding space. Three case studies,
cascaded detection and regression, multi- in style transfer, vision-language generation,
scale feature representations, data augmen- and face synthesis, are presented to illus-
tation techniques, loss functions, and more. trate how to achieve this in unsupervised or
Chapter 3 emphasizes that the recent suc- weakly supervised settings.
cesses in computer vision have largely cen- Chapter 6 concentrates on a topical real-
tered around the huge corpus of intricately world problem—that of face recognition.
labeled data needed for training models. It It discusses state-of-the-art deep learning-
examines the methods that can be used to based methods that can be used even with
learn recognition models from such data, partial facial images. It shows (a) how the
while requiring limited manual supervision. necessary deep learning architectures are put
Apart from reducing the amount of man- together; (b) how such models can be trained
ually labeled data required to learn recog- and tested; (c) how fine tuning of pretrained
nition models, it is necessary to reduce the networks can be utilized for identifying ef-
level of supervision from strong to weak— ficient recognition cues with full and partial
at the same time permitting relevant queries facial data; (d) the degree of success achieved
from an oracle. An overview is given of theo- by the recent developments in deep learning;
Preface xvii
(e) the current limitations of deep learning- ing with deep learning-based approaches as
based techniques used in face recognition. well as the transition to video segmentation.
The chapter also presents some of the re- The overview is limited to holistic models
maining challenges in this area. for generic tracking in the image plane, and
Chapter 7 discusses the crucial ques- a particular focus is given to discriminative
tion of how to transfer learning from models, the MOSSE (minimum output sum
one data domain to another. This involves of squared errors) tracker, and DCFs (dis-
approaches based on differential geome- criminative correlation filters).
try, sparse representation and deep neu- Chapter 10 takes the concept of visual ob-
ral networks. These fall into the two broad ject tracking one stage further and concen-
classes—discriminative and generative ap- trates on long-term tracking. To be success-
proaches. The former involve training a ful at this task, object tracking must address
classifier model while employing additional significant challenges that relate to model
losses to make the source and target fea- decay—that is, the worsening of the model
ture distributions similar. The latter utilize a due to added bias, and target disappearance
generative model to perform domain adap- and reappearance. The success of deep learn-
tation: typically, a cross-domain generative ing has strongly influenced visual object
adversarial network is trained for mapping tracking, as offline learning of Siamese track-
samples from source domain to target, and a ers helps to eliminate model decay. How-
classifier model is trained on the transformed ever, to avoid the possibility of losing track
target images. Such approaches are validated in cases where the appearance of the target
on cross-domain recognition and semantic changes significantly, Siamese trackers can
segmentation tasks. benefit from built-in invariances and equiv-
Chapter 8 returns to the domain adapta- ariances, allowing for appearance variations
tion task, in the context of semantic segmen- without exacerbating model decay.
tation, where deep networks are plagued by If computer vision is to be successful in
the need for huge amounts of labeled data the dynamic world of videos and action, it
for training. The chapter starts by discussing seems vital that human cognitive concepts
the different levels at which the adapta- will be required, a message that is amply
tion can be performed and the strategies for confirmed by the following two chapters.
achieving them. It then moves on to dis- Chapter 11 outlines an action-centric frame-
cuss the task of continual learning in se- work which spans multiple time scales and
mantic segmentation. Although the latter is levels of abstraction. The lower level de-
a relatively new research field, interest in it tails object characteristics which afford them-
is rapidly growing, and many different sce- selves to different actions; the mid-level
narios have been introduced. These are de- models individual actions, and higher levels
scribed in detail along with the approaches model activities. By emphasizing the use of
needed to tackle them. grasp characteristics, geometry, ontologies,
Following on from Chapter 1, Chapter 9 and physics-based constraints, over-training
reemphasizes the importance of visual track- on appearance characteristics is avoided. To
ing as one of the prime, classical problems in integrate signal-based perception with sym-
computer vision. The purpose of this chap- bolic knowledge, vectorized knowledge is
ter is to give an overview of the development aligned with visual features. The chapter also
of the field, starting from the Lucas-Kanade includes a discussion on action and activity
and matched filter approaches and conclud- understanding.
xviii Preface
Chapter 12 considers the temporal event and drawbacks; e.g., model-based methods
segmentation problem. Cognitive science are flexible for handling different image
research indicates how to design highly restoration problems but are usually time-
effective computer vision algorithms for consuming with sophisticated priors for the
spatio-temporal segmentation of events in purpose of good performance; meanwhile,
videos without the need for any annotated learning-based methods show superior ef-
data. First, an event segmentation theory fectiveness and efficiency over traditional
model permits event boundaries to be com- model-based methods, largely due to the
puted: then, temporal segmentation using end-to-end training, but generally lack the
a perceptual prediction framework, tempo- flexibility to handle different image restora-
ral segmentation along with event work- tion tasks. Chapter 14 introduces deep plug-
ing models based on attention maps, and and-play methods and deep unfolding meth-
spatio-temporal localization of events follow. ods, which have shown great promise by
This approach gives state-of-the-art perfor- leveraging both learning-based and model-
mance in unsupervised temporal segmen- based methods: the main idea of deep plug-
tation and spatial-temporal action localiza- and-play methods is that a learning-based
tion with competitive performance on fully denoiser can implicitly serve as the im-
supervised baselines that require extensive age prior for model-based image restoration
amounts of annotation. methods, while the main idea of deep un-
Anomaly detection techniques constitute folding methods is that, by unfolding the
a fundamental resource in many applica- model-based methods via variable splitting
tions such as medical image analysis, fraud algorithms, an end-to-end trainable, itera-
detection or video surveillance. These tech- tive network can be obtained by replacing
niques also represent an essential step for the corresponding subproblems with neural
artificial self-aware systems that can con- modules. Hence, deep plug-and-play meth-
tinually learn from new situations. Chapter ods and deep unfolding methods can in-
13 presents a semi-supervised method for herit the flexibility of model-based meth-
the detection of anomalies for this type of ods, while maintaining the advantages of
self-aware agent. It leverages the message- learning-based methods.
passing capability of generalized dynamic Visual adversarial examples are images
Bayesian networks to provide anomalies at and videos purposefully perturbed to mis-
different abstraction levels for diverse types lead machine learning models. Chapter 15
of time-series data. Consequently, detected presents an overview of methods that craft
anomalies could be employed to enable the adversarial perturbations to generate visual
system to evolve by integrating the new ac- adversarial examples for image classifica-
quired knowledge. A case study is proposed tion, object detection, motion estimation and
for the description of the anomaly detection video recognition tasks. The key properties
method, which will use multisensory data of an adversarial attack and the types of per-
from a semi-autonomous vehicle performing turbation that an attack generates are first de-
different tasks in a closed environment. fined; then the main design choices for meth-
Model- and learning-based methods have ods that craft adversarial attacks for images
been the two dominant strategies for solv- and videos are analyzed and the knowledge
ing various image restoration problems in they use of the target model is examined. Fi-
low-level vision. Typically, those two kinds nally, defense mechanisms that increase the
of method have their respective merits robustness of machine learning models to
Preface xix
adversarial attacks or to detect manipulated debted to Tim Pitts of Elsevier Science for
input data are reviewed. his constant advice and encouragement, not
Together, these chapters provide the inter- only from the outset but also while we were
ested reader—whether student, researcher, in the throes of putting together this volume.
or practitioner—with both breadth and
depth with respect to advanced computer
vision methodology and state-of-the-art ap-
proaches.
Finally, we would like to extend our Roy Davies
thanks to all the authors for the huge degree Royal Holloway, University of London,
of commitment and dedication they have de- London, United Kingdom
voted to producing their chapters, thereby
contributing in no small way to making this Matthew Turk
volume a successful venture for advancing Toyota Technological Institute at Chicago,
the subject in what is after all a rapidly Chicago, IL, United States
changing era. Lastly, we are especially in- May 2021
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C H A P T E R
1
The dramatically changing face of
computer vision
E.R. Davies
Royal Holloway, University of London, Egham, Surrey, United Kingdom
CHAPTER POINTS
During the last three or four decades, computer vision has gradually emerged as a fully-
fledged subject with its own methodology and area of application. Indeed, it has so many
areas of application that it would be difficult to list them all. Amongst the most prominent
are object recognition, surveillance (including people counting and numberplate recognition),
robotic control (including automatic vehicle guidance), segmentation and interpretation of
medical images, automatic inspection and assembly in factory situations, fingerprint and
face recognition, interpretation of hand signals, and many more. To achieve all this, mea-
surements have to be made from a variety of image sources, including visible and infrared
channels, 3-D sensors, and a number of vital medical imaging devices such as CT and MRI
scanners. And the measurements have to include position, pose, distances between objects,
movement, shape, texture, color, and many more aspects. With this plethora of activities and
of the methods used to achieve them, it will be difficult to encapsulate the overall situation
within the scope of a single chapter: hence the selection of material will necessarily be re-
stricted; nevertheless, we will aim to provide a sound base and a didactic approach to the
subject matter.
In the 2020s one can hardly introduce computer vision without acknowledging the enor-
mous advances made during the 2010s, and specifically the ‘deep learning explosion’, which
took place around 2012. This dramatically changed the shape of the subject and resulted in
advances and applications that are not only impressive but are also in many cases well be-
yond what people dreamed about even in 2010. As a result, this volume is aimed particularly
at these modern advanced developments: it is the role of this chapter to outline the legacy
methodology, to explore the new deep learning methods, and to show how the latter have
impacted and improved upon the earlier (legacy) approaches.
At this point it will be useful to consider the origins of computer vision, which can be
considered to have started life during the 1960s and 1970s, largely as an offshoot of image
processing. At that time it became practical to capture whole images and to store and process
them conveniently on digital computers. Initially, images tended to be captured in binary or
grey-scale form, though later it became possible to capture them in color. Early on, workers
dreamed of emulating the human eye by recognizing objects and interpreting scenes, but
with the less powerful computers then available, such dreams were restricted. In practice,
image processing was used to ‘tidy up’ images and to locate object features, while image
recognition was carried out using statistical pattern recognition techniques such as the nearest
neighbor algorithm. Another of the motivations underlying the development of computer
vision was AI and yet another was biological vision. Space will prevent further discussion of
these aspects here, except to remark that they sowed the seeds for artificial neural networks
and deep learning (for details, see Part F below).
Tidying up images is probably better described as preprocessing: this can include a num-
ber of functions, noise elimination being amongst the most important. It was soon discovered
that the use of smoothing algorithms, in which the mean value of the intensities in a window
around each input pixel is calculated and used to form a separate smoothed image, not only
results in reduced levels of noise but also affects the signals themselves (this process can
also be imagined as reducing the input bandwidth to exclude much of the noise, with the
additional effect of eliminating high spatial frequency components of the input signal). How-
ever, by applying median rather than mean filtering, this problem was largely overcome, as it
worked by eliminating the outliers at each end of the local intensity distribution—the median
being the value least influenced by noise.
Typical mean filtering kernels include the following, the second approximating more
closely to the ideal Gaussian form:
⎡ ⎤ ⎡ ⎤
1 1 1 1 2 1
1⎣ 1 ⎣
1 1 1 ⎦ 2 4 2 ⎦ (1.1)
9 1 1 1 16 1 2 1
1.1. Introduction – computer vision and its origins 3
Both of these are linear convolution kernels, which by definition are spatially invariant
over the image space. A general 3 × 3 convolution mask is given by
⎡ ⎤
c4 c3 c2
⎣ c5 c0 c1 ⎦ (1.2)
c6 c7 c8
where the local pixels are assigned labels 0–8. Next, we take the intensity values in a local
3 × 3 image neighborhood as
P4 P3 P2
P5 P0 P1 (1.3)
P6 P7 P8
If we now use a notation based approximately on C ++, we can write the complete con-
volution procedure in the form:
So far we have concentrated on convolution masks, which are linear combinations of input
intensities: these contrast with nonlinear procedures such as thresholding, which cannot be
expressed as convolutions. In fact, thresholding is a very widely used technique, and can be
written in the form:
This procedure converts a grey scale image in P-space into a binary image in A-space. Here it
is used to identify dark objects by expressing them as 1s on a background of 0s.
We end this section by presenting a complete procedure for median filtering within a 3 × 3
neighborhood:
Q0 = i − 1;
for (m = 0; m <= 8; m + +) hist[P [m]] = 0;
} (1.6)
The notation P[0] is intended to denote P0, and so on for P[1] to P[8]. Note that the me-
dian operation is computation intensive, so time is saved by only reinitializing the particular
histogram elements that have actually been used.
An important point about the procedures covered by Eqs. (1.4)–(1.6) is that they take their
input from one image space and output it to another image space—a process often described
as parallel processing—thereby eliminating problems relating to the order in which the indi-
vidual pixel computations are carried out.
Finally, the image smoothing algorithms given by Eqs. (1.1)–(1.4) all use 3 × 3 convolution
kernels, though much larger kernels can obviously be used: indeed, they can alternatively
be implemented by first converting to the spatial frequency domain and then systematically
eliminating high spatial frequencies, albeit with an additional computational burden. On the
other hand, nonlinear operations such as median filtering cannot be tackled in this way.
For convenience, the remainder of this chapter has been split into a number of parts, as
follows:
Part A – Understanding low-level image processing perators
Part B – 2-D object location and recognition
Part C – 3-D object location and the importance of invariance
Part D – Tracking moving objects
Part E – Texture analysis
Part F – From artificial neural networks to deep learning methods
Part G – Summary.
Overall, the purpose of this chapter is to summarize vital parts of the early—or ‘legacy’—work
on computer vision, and to remind readers of their significance, so that they can more confi-
dently get to grips with recent advanced developments in the subject. However, the need to
make this sort of selection means that many other important topics have had to be excluded.
operators applied 8 or 12 template masks to ensure that edges of different orientations could
be detected. Oddly, it was some time before it was fully realized that as edges are vectors, just
two masks should be sufficient to detect them. However, this did not immediately eliminate
the problem of deciding what mask coefficients should be used in edge detectors—even in
the case of 3 × 3 neighborhoods—and we next proceed to explore this further.
In what follows we initially assume that 8 masks are to be used, with angles differing by
45°. However, 4 of the masks differ from the others only in sign, which makes it unnecessary
to apply them separately. At this point, symmetry arguments lead to the following respective
masks for 0° and 45°:
⎡ ⎤ ⎡ ⎤
−A 0 A 0 C D
⎣ −B 0 B ⎦ ⎣ −C 0 C ⎦ (1.7)
−A 0 A −D −C 0
It is clearly of great importance to design masks so that they give consistent responses in
different directions. To find how this affects the mask coefficients, we make use of the fact
that intensity gradients must follow the rules of vector addition. If the pixel intensity values
within a 3 × 3 neighborhood are
a b c
d e f (1.8)
g h i
the above masks will lead to the following estimates of gradient in the 0°, 90° and 45° direc-
tions:
g0 = A(c + i − a − g) + B(f − d)
g90 = A(a + c − g − i) + B(b − h) (1.9)
g45 = C(b + f − d − h) + D(c − g)
If vector addition is to be valid, we also have:
√
g45 = (g0 + g90 )/ 2 (1.10)
Next, notice the further requirement—that the 0° and 45° masks should give equal re-
sponses at 22.5°. In fact, a rather tedious algebraic manipulation (Davies, 1986) shows that
√
B/A = 13 2 − 4 /7 = 2.055 (1.12)
Notice that whole-image calculations of g and θ will not be convolutions as they involve
nonlinear operations.
In summary, in Sections 1.1 and 1.2.1 we have described various categories of image pro-
cessing operator, including linear, nonlinear and convolution operators. Examples of (linear)
convolutions are mean and Gaussian smoothing and edge gradient component estimation.
Examples of nonlinear operations are thresholding, edge gradient and edge orientation com-
putations. Above all, it should be noted that the Sobel mask coefficients have been arrived at
in a principled (non ad hoc) way. In fact, they were designed to optimize accuracy of edge ori-
entation. Note also that, as we shall see later, orientation accuracy is of paramount importance
when edge information is passed to object location schemes such as the Hough transform.
FIGURE 1.1 Using quadratic interpolation to determine the exact position of the gradient magnitude peak.
Clearly, two other masks of this form can be constructed, though they differ from the above
two only in sign and can be ignored. Thus, this set of masks contains just the number required
for a vectorial computation. In fact, if we are looking for dark bars on a light background, the
1 s can usefully denote the bars and the −1 s can represent the light background. (0 s can
be taken as ‘don’t care’ coefficients, as they will be ignored in any convolution.) Hence L1
represents a 0° bar and L2 a 45° bar. (The term ‘bar’ is used here to denote a line segment
of significant width.) Applying the same method as in Section 1.2.1 and defining the pixel
intensity values as in Eq. (1.8), we find
l0 = A(d + f − b − h)
(1.16)
l45 = B(c + g − a − i)
We now proceed to use formulae similar to those in Section 1.2.1 for pseudo-vectorial com-
putation of the line strength coefficient l and line segment orientation θ :
1/2
l = l02 + l45
2
(1.17)
1
θ = arctan (l45 / l0 )
2
Here we have been forced to include a factor of one half in front of the arctan: this is because
a line segment exhibits 180° rotation symmetry compared with the usual 360° for ordinary
angles.
Note that this is again a case in which optimization is aimed at achieving high orientation
accuracy rather than, for example, sensitivity of detection.
It is worth remarking here on two applications of line segment detection. One is the in-
spection of bulk wheat grains to locate small dark insects which approximate to dark bar-like
features: 7 × 7 masks devised on the above model have been used to achieve this (Davies
et al., 2003). Another is the location of artefacts such as telegraph wires in the sky, or wires
supporting film actors which can then be removed systematically.
n
S= wi S i (1.18)
i=1
1.2. Part A – Understanding low-level image processing operators 9
whereas the total noise received from the weighting template will be characterized by its
variance:
n
N2 = wi2 Ni2 (1.19)
i=1
n
2 n
ρ = S /N =
2 2 2
wi S i / wi2 Ni2 (1.20)
i=1 i=1
Si N2
wi = × (1.22)
Ni2 S
Si
wi ∝ (1.23)
Ni2
though with no loss of generality, we can replace the proportionality sign by an equality.
Note that if Ni is independent of i (i.e., the noise level does not vary over the image),
wi = Si : this proves the theorem mentioned above—that the spatial matched filter needs to
have the same intensity profile as that of the 2-D object to be detected.
Overall, we should note that the zero-mean strategy is only an approximation, as there
will be places in an image where the background varies between high and low level, so that
zero-mean cancellation cannot occur exactly (i.e., B cannot be regarded as constant over the
region of the mask). Nevertheless, assuming that the background variation occurs on a scale
significantly larger than that of the mask size, this should work adequately.
It should be remarked that the zero-mean approximation is already widely used—as in-
deed we have already seen from the edge and line-segment masks in Eqs. (1.7) and (1.15). It
must also apply for other detectors we could devise, such as corner and hole detectors.
where we have avoided an impasse by trying a hypothetical (i.e., as yet unknown) type of
mean for S, which we call S̃. [Of course, if this hypothesis in the end results in a contradiction,
a fresh approach will naturally be required.] Applying the zero-mean condition i wi = 0
now yields the following:
∴ S̃ 1/Ni2 = Si /Ni2 (1.27)
i i
∴ S̃ = Si /Ni2 / 1/Ni2 (1.28)
i i
From this, we deduce that S̃ has to be a weighted mean, and in particular the noise-weighted
mean S̃. On the other hand, if the noise is uniform, S̃ will revert to the usual unweighted
mean S̄. Also, if we do not apply the zero-mean condition (which we can achieve by setting
S̃ = 0), Eq. (1.25) reverts immediately to the standard matched filter condition.
The formula for S̃ may seem to be unduly general, in that Ni should normally be almost
independent of i. However, if an ideal profile were to be derived by averaging real object
profiles, then away from its center, the noise variance could be more substantial. Indeed, for
1.2. Part A – Understanding low-level image processing operators 11
large objects this would be a distinct limiting factor on such an approach. But for fairly small
objects and features, noise variance should not vary excessively and useful matched filter
profiles should be obtainable.
On a personal note, the main result proven in this section (cf. Eqs. (1.25) and (1.28)) took
me so much time and effort to resolve the various issues that I was never convinced I would
solve it. Hence I came to think of it as ‘Davies’s last theorem’.
© IET 1999.
On this model we have to calculate optimal values for the mask weighting factors w1 and
w2 and for the region areas A1 and A2 . We can write the total signal and noise power from a
template mask as:
S = w1 A1 S1 + w2 A2 S2
(1.29)
N 2 = w12 A1 N12 + w22 A2 N22
Thus, we obtain a power signal-to-noise-ratio (SNR):
S2 (w1 A1 S1 + w2 A2 S2 )2
ρ2 = = (1.30)
N2 w12 A1 N12 + w22 A2 N22
It is easy to see that if both mask regions are increased in area by the same factor η, ρ 2 will
also be increased by this factor. This makes it interesting to optimize the mask by adjusting the
relative values of A1 , A2 , leaving the total area A unchanged. Let us first eliminate w2 using the
zero-mean condition (which is commonly applied to prevent changes in background intensity
level from affecting the result):
w1 A1 + w2 A2 = 0 (1.31)
12 1. The dramatically changing face of computer vision
S2 (S1 − S2 )2
ρ2 = = (1.32)
N 2 N12 /A1 + N22 /A2
A2 = A − A1 (1.33)
A1 = A2 = A/2 (1.35)
Finally, when the equal area rule applies, the zero-mean rule takes the form:
w1 = −w2 (1.36)
Note that many cases, such as those arising when the foreground and background have
different textures, can be modeled by taking N1 = N2 . In that case the equal area rule does
not apply, but we can still use Eq. (1.34).
(Note that these masks have been adjusted to zero-mean form to eliminate the effects of vary-
ing lighting conditions.)
To overcome the evident problems of template matching—not the least amongst which is
the need to use limited numbers of digital masks to approximate the underlying analogue in-
tensity variations, which themselves vary markedly from instance to instance—many efforts
have been made to obtain a more principled approach. In particular, as edges depend on
the first derivatives of the image intensity field, it seemed logical to move to a second-order
derivative approach. One of the first such investigations was the Beaudet (1978) approach,
which employed the Laplacian and Hessian operators:
These were particularly attractive as they are defined in terms of the determinant and trace
of the symmetric matrix of second derivatives, and thus are invariant under rotation.
In fact, the Laplacian operator gives significant responses along lines and edges and hence
is not particularly suitable as a corner detector. On the other hand, Beaudet’s ‘DET’ (Hessian)
operator does not respond to lines and edges but gives significant signals in the vicinity of
corners and should therefore form a useful corner detector—though it responds with one
sign on one side of a corner and with the opposite sign on the other side of the corner: on
the corner itself it gives a null response. Furthermore, other workers criticized the specific
responses of the DET operator and found they needed quite complex analyzes to deduce the
presence and exact position of each corner (Dreschler and Nagel, 1981; Nagel, 1983).
However, Kitchen and Rosenfeld (1982) found they were able to overcome these problems
by estimating the rate of change of the gradient direction vector along the horizontal edge
tangent direction, and relating it to the horizontal curvature κ of the intensity function I . To
obtain a realistic indication of the strength of a corner they multiplied κ by the magnitude of
the local intensity gradient g:
1/2
C = κg = κ Ix2 + Iy2
Ixx Iy2 − 2Ixy Ix Iy + Iyy Ix2
= (1.39)
Ix2 + Iy2
Finally, they used the heuristic of nonmaximum suppression along the edge normal direction
to localize the corner positions further.
Interestingly, Nagel (1983) and Shah and Jain (1984) came to the view that the Kitchen
and Rosenfeld, Dreschler and Nagel, and Zuniga and Haralick (1983) corner detectors were
all essentially equivalent. This should not be overly surprising, since in the end the differ-
ent methods would be expected to reflect the same underlying physical phenomena (Davies,
1988c)—reflecting a second-order derivative formulation interpretable as a horizontal curva-
ture multiplied by an intensity gradient.
FIGURE 1.2 Geometry for calculating line and corner responses in a circular window. (a) straight edge, (b) general
corner. © IET 2005.
We then use the determinant and trace to estimate the corner signal:
(Again, as for the Beaudet operators, the significance of using only the determinant and trace
is that the resulting signal will be invariant to corner orientation.)
Before proceeding to analyze the form of C, note that if averaging were not undertaken,
det would be identically equal to zero: clearly, it is only the smoothing intrinsic in the
averaging operation that permits the spread of first-derivative values and thereby allows the
result to depend partly on second derivatives.
To understand the operation of the detector in more detail, first consider its response for a
single edge (Fig. 1.2a). In fact:
det = 0 (1.42)
because Ix is zero over the whole window region.
Next consider the situation in a corner region (Fig. 1.2b). Here:
l2 g 2 sin2 θ l2 g 2 sin θ cos θ
= (1.43)
l2 g 2 sin θ cos θ l2 g 2 cos2 θ + l1 g 2
where l1 , l2 are the lengths of the two edges bounding the corner, and g is the edge contrast,
assumed constant over the whole window. We now find (Davies, 2005):
and
trace = (l1 + l2 )g 2 (1.45)
l1 l 2 2 2
∴ C= g sin θ (1.46)
l 1 + l2
This may be interpreted as the product of (1) a strength factor λ, which depends on the
edge lengths within the window, (2) a contrast factor g 2 , and (3) a shape factor sin2 θ , which
depends on the edge ‘sharpness’ θ . Clearly, C is zero for θ = 0 and θ = π, and is a maximum
for θ = π/2—all these results being intuitively correct and appropriate.
1.3. Part B – 2-D object location and recognition 15
FIGURE 1.3 Problems with the centroidal profile descriptor. (a) shows a circular object with a minor defect on its
boundary; its centroidal profile appears beneath it. (b) shows the same object, this time with a gross defect: because
the centroid is shifted to C´, the whole of the centroidal profile is grossly distorted.
A good many of the properties of the operator can be determined from this formula, in-
cluding the fact that the peak signal occurs not at the corner itself but at the center of the
window used to compute the corner signal—though the shift is reduced as the sharpness of
the corner decreases.
a constant distance from the θ -axis: this means that the object is unrecognizable from its pro-
file, though in case (a) there is no difficulty in recognizing it as a slightly damaged circle. In
fact, we can trace the relative seriousness of the two cases as being due largely to the fact that
in case (b) the centroid has moved so much that even the unmodified part of the shape is not
instantly recognizable. Of course, we could attempt to rectify the situation by trying to move
the centroid back to its old position, but it would be difficult to do this reliably: in any case,
if the original shape turned out not to be a circle, a lot of processing would be wasted before
the true nature of the problem was revealed.
Overall, we can conclude that the centroidal profile approach is nonrobust, and is not to be
recommended. In fact, this does not mean that it should not be used in practice. For example,
on a cheese or biscuit conveyor, any object that is not instantly recognizable by its constant
R profile should immediately be rejected from the product line; then other objects can be
examined to be sure that their R values are acceptable and show an appropriate degree of
constancy.
Next, it should be remarked that there are other types of boundary plot that can be used
instead of the centroidal profile. One is the (s, ψ) plot and another is the derived (s, κ) profile.
Here, ψ is the boundary orientation angle, and κ(s), which is equal to dψ/ds, is the local
curvature function. Importantly, these formulations make no reference to the position of the
centroid, and its position need not be calculated or even estimated. In spite of this advantage,
all such boundary profile representations suffer from a significant further problem—that if
any part of the boundary is occluded, distorted or broken, comparison of the object shape
with templates of known shape is rendered quite difficult, because of the different boundary
lengths.
1.3. Part B – 2-D object location and recognition 17
In spite of these problems, when it can be employed, the centroidal profile method has
certain advantages, in that it contributes ease of measurement of circular radii, ease of identi-
fication of squares and other shapes with prominent corners, and straightforward orientation
measurement—particularly for shapes with prominent corners.
It now remains to find a method that can replace the centroidal profile method in instances
where gross distortions or occlusions can occur. For such a method we need to move on to
the following section which introduces the Hough transform approach.
FIGURE 1.4 Robustness of the Hough transform when locating the center of a circular object. The circular part
of the boundary gives candidate center points that focus on the true center, whereas the irregular broken boundary
gives candidate center points at random positions. In this case the boundary is approximately that of the broken
biscuit shown in Fig. 1.5.
18 1. The dramatically changing face of computer vision
FIGURE 1.5 Location of broken and overlapping biscuits, showing the robustness of the center location technique.
Accuracy is indicated by the black dots which are each within 1/2 pixel of the radial distance from the center. © IFS
1984.
FIGURE 1.6 Simultaneous detection of objects with different radii. (a) Detection of a lens cap and a wing nut when
radii are assumed to lie in the range 4–17 pixels; (b) hole detection in the same image when radii are assumed to fall
in the range −26 to −9 pixels (negative radii are used since holes are taken to be objects of negative contrast): clearly,
in this image a smaller range of negative radii could have been employed.
a range of likely values of R in the same 2-D parameter space—a procedure that results in
substantial savings in storage and computation (Davies, 1988a). Fig. 1.6 shows the result of
applying this strategy, which works with both positive and negative values of R. On the other
hand, note that the information on radial distance has been lost by accumulating all the votes
in a single parameter plane. Hence a further iteration of the procedure would be required to
identify the radius corresponding to each peak location.
1.3. Part B – 2-D object location and recognition 19
FIGURE 1.7 The geometry of two ellipse detection methods. (a) In the diameter-bisection method, a pair of points
is located for which the edge orientations are antiparallel. The midpoints of such pairs are accumulated and the
resulting peaks are taken to correspond to ellipse centers. (b) In the chord–tangent method, the tangents at P1 and
P2 meet at T and the midpoint of P1 P2 is M. The center C of the ellipse lies on the line TM produced.
The Hough transform approach can also be used for ellipse detection: two simple meth-
ods for achieving this are presented in Fig. 1.7. Both of these embody an indirect approach in
which pairs of edge points are employed. Whereas the diameter-bisection method involves
considerably less computation than the chord–tangent method, it is more prone to false
detections—for example, when two ellipses lie near to each other in an image.
To prove the validity of the chord–tangent method, note that symmetry ensures that the
method works for circles: projective properties then ensure that it also works for ellipses, be-
cause under orthographic projection, straight lines project into straight lines, midpoints into
midpoints, tangents into tangents, and circles into ellipses; in addition, it is always possible
to find a viewpoint such that a circle can be projected into a given ellipse.
We now move on to the so-called generalized Hough transform (GHT), which employs a
more direct procedure for performing ellipse detection than the other two methods outlined
above.
To understand how the standard Hough technique is generalized so that it can detect ar-
bitrary shapes, we first need to select a localization point L within a template of the idealized
shape. Then, we need to arrange so that, instead of moving from an edge point a fixed dis-
tance R directly along the local edge normal to arrive at the center, as for circles, we move an
appropriate variable distance R in a variable direction ϕ so as to arrive at L: R and ϕ are now
functions of the local edge normal direction θ (Fig. 1.8). Under these circumstances votes will
peak at the preselected object localization point L. The functions R (θ ) andφ (θ ) can be stored
analytically in the computer algorithm, or for completely arbitrary shapes they may be stored
as lookup tables. In either case the scheme is beautifully simple in principle but an important
complication arises because we are going from an isotropic shape (a circle) to an anisotropic
shape which may be in a completely arbitrary orientation.
This means adding an extra dimension in parameter space (Ballard, 1981). Each edge point
then contributes a set of votes in each orientation plane in parameter space. Finally, the whole
20 1. The dramatically changing face of computer vision
FIGURE 1.9 Use of a PSF shape that takes into account all possible orientations of an ellipse. The PSF is positioned
by the grey construction lines so that it passes through the center of the ellipse (see the black dot).
of parameter space is searched for peaks, the highest points indicating both the locations of
objects and their orientations. Interestingly, ellipses can be detected by the GHT using a single
plane in parameter space, by applying a point spread function (PSF) to each edge point, which
takes all possible orientations of the ellipse into account: note that the PSF is applied at some
distance from the edge point, so that the center of the PSF can pass through the center of the
ellipse (Fig. 1.9). Lack of space prevents details of the computations from being presented
here (e.g., see Davies, 2017, Chapter 11).
To apply the method using this form, the set of lines passing through each point Pi is
represented as a set of sine curves in (θ, ρ) space: e.g., for point P1 (x1 , y1 ) the sine curve has
equation:
After vote accumulation in (θ, ρ) space, peaks indicate the presence of lines in the original
image.
A lot of work has been carried out (e.g., see Dudani and Luk, 1978) to limit the inaccuracies
involved in line location, which arise from several sources—noise, quantization, the effects
of line fragmentation, the effects of slight line curvature, and the difficulty of estimating the
exact peak positions in parameter space. In addition, the problem of longitudinal line local-
ization is important. For the last of these processes, Dudani and Luk (1978) developed the
method of ‘xy–grouping’, which involved carrying out connectivity analysis for each line.
Segments of a line would then be merged if they were separated by gaps of less than ∼5 pix-
els. Finally, segments shorter than a certain minimum length (also typically ∼5 pixels) would
be ignored as too insignificant to help with image interpretation.
Overall, we see that all the forms of the HT described above gain considerably by accu-
mulating evidence using a voting scheme. This is the source of the method’s high degree of
robustness. The computation processes used by the HT can be described as inductive rather
than deductive as the peaks lead to hypotheses about the presence of objects, that need in prin-
ciple to be confirmed by other evidence, whereas deduction would lead to immediate proof of
the presence of objects.
FIGURE 1.11 The RANSAC technique. Here the + signs indicate data points to be fitted, and two instances of
pairs of data points (indicated by ⊕ signs) leading to hypothesized lines are also shown. Each hypothesized line has
a region of influence of tolerance ±t within which the support of maximal numbers of data points is sought. The line
with the most support is taken to lead to the best fit.
TABLE 1.1 Basic RANSAC algorithm for finding the line with greatest support.
This algorithm only returns one line: in fact it returns the specific line model that
has greatest support. Lines with less support are in the end ignored.
Mmax=0;
for all pairs of edge points do {
find equation of line defined by the two points i, j;
M = 0;
for all N points in list do
if (point k is within threshold distance d of line) M ++;
if (M > Mmax) {
Mmax = M;
imax = i;
jmax = j;
// this records the hypothesis giving the maximum support so far
}
}
/* if Mmax > 0, (x[imax], y[imax]) and (x[jmax], y[jmax]) will be the coordinates of
the points defining the line having greatest support */
all that is necessary is to take any pair of edge points. For each hypothesis we run through the
list of N edge points finding how many points M support the hypothesis. Then we take more
hypotheses (more pairs of edge points) and at each stage retain only the one giving maximum
support M max . This process is shown in Table 1.1.
The algorithm in Table 1.1 corresponds to finding the center of the highest peak in pa-
rameter space, as in the case of the HT. To find all the lines in the image, the most obvious
strategy is the following: find the first line, then eliminate all the points that gave it support;
then find the next line and eliminate all the points that gave it support; and so on until all the
points have been eliminated from the list. The process may be written more compactly in the
1.3. Part B – 2-D object location and recognition 23
form:
repeat {
find line;
eliminate support;
}
until no data points remain;
FIGURE 1.12 Straight line location using the RANSAC technique. (a) shows an original grey-scale image with
various straight edges located using the RANSAC technique. (b) shows the edge points fed to RANSAC to obtain
(a): these were local maxima of the gradient image. In (a), three edges of the icosahedron have been missed. This is
because they are ‘roof’ edges with low contrast and low intensity gradient. In fact, RANSAC also missed a fourth
edge because of a lower limit placed on the level of support (see text).
identified and located from very few point features. Since such features are taken to have no
structure of their own, it will be impossible to locate an object uniquely from a single feature,
although positive identification and location would be possible using two features if these
were distinguishable and if their distance apart were known. For truly indistinguishable
point features, an ambiguity remains for all objects not possessing 180° rotation symmetry.
Hence at least three point features are in general required to locate and identify objects at
known range. Clearly, noise and other artefacts such as occlusions modify this conclusion. In
fact, when matching a template of the points in an idealized object with the points present in
a real image, we find that:
1. a great many feature points may be present because of multiple instances of the chosen
type of object in the image
2. additional points may be present because of noise or clutter from irrelevant objects and
structure in the background
3. certain points that should be present are missing because of noise or occlusion, or because
of defects in the object being sought.
These problems mean that we should be attempting to match a subset of the points in the ide-
alized template to various subsets of the points in the image. If the point sets are considered
to constitute graphs with the point features as nodes, the task devolves into the mathemati-
cal problem of subgraph–subgraph isomorphism, i.e., finding which subgraphs in the image
graph are isomorphic to subgraphs of the idealized template graph. [Isomorphic means hav-
ing the same basic shape and structure.] Clearly, a point feature matching scheme will be
most successful if it finds the most likely interpretation by searching for solutions having the
greatest internal consistency—i.e., with the greatest number of point matches per object.
Unfortunately, the schema presented above is still too simplistic in many applications as it
is insufficiently robust against distortions. In particular, optical (e.g., perspective) distortions
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“I’m not sure I like this study business,” said Mr. Woodhouse Adams as
they followed the page through many halls and corridors to a distant part of
the house in the walled garden. They passed through marble halls radiant
with slender columns and crystal fountains, through arcades flaming with
flowers in vases of Venetian glass, beneath sombre tapestries of the chase
after fabulous beasts, by tables of satinwood and cabinets of ebony, jade and
pearl: until at last they were conducted to a quiet-seeming door, and were no
sooner within than what appeared to be a regiment of Hussars of Death or
Honour had pinioned their arms to their sides.
“This is outrage!” cried my lord with very cold eyes.
“Gentlemen, you are under arrest,” said an officer with moustachios
whose name the chronicler has unfortunately overlooked.
“We’re under what?” cried Mr. Woodhouse Adams.
“And you will await His Highness’s pleasure in this room,” said the
officer with moustachios, but he had no sooner spoken than the Duke
entered, followed by a lean young officer with pitiless eyes.
“Altesse!” saluted the Hussars of Death or Honour.
Not so Lord Quorn. “Sir,” cried he, “this is outrage and assault on the
persons of King George’s subjects. Do you forget that you are in England,
sir?”
“Silence!” thundered the officer with moustachios.
“Silence be damned!” cried Mr. Woodhouse Adams. “Your Highness,
what can this piracy mean? I wish to lodge a formal complaint.”
“Sir, take it as lodged,” said His Highness graciously, but it was with
lowered brows that he turned to address my lord.
“Lord Quorn,” said he, “it was my first intention to have you shot like a
dog. But I have suffered myself to be dissuaded from consigning you to that
ignominious fate at the intercession of this gentleman here. I present Captain
Count Rupprecht Saxemünden von Maxe-Middengräfen.”
“Oh, have a heart!” gasped Mr. Woodhouse Adams.
But Lord Quorn, being a much-travelled gentleman whose ears were
hardened against the most surprising sounds, merely said: “How do you do?”
“Such information, sir, is not for scum!” snapped the lean young officer
with the pitiless eyes.
“Were I to hit you once,” said Lord Quorn gently, looking at him as
though he smelt so bad that he could readily understand why the dustman
had refused to remove him, “your mother would not know you. Were I to hit
you twice, she would not want to. Think it over.”
“Your differences will soon be arranged,” sternly continued His
Highness. “Count Rupprecht has very properly put before me certain reasons
which give him an undoubted right to be the agent of your destruction. The
course of this night, Lord Quorn, shall see you as a duellist. And I can only
hope that you have some knowledge of swordsmanship, for Count
Rupprecht Saxemünden von Maxe-Middengräfen is the first swordsman of
Valeria.
“I may add, Lord Quorn, that his engagement to the Princess Baba will be
formally announced immediately after your interment, which will take place
in a corner of the garden. That is already arranged. Also your death will be
accounted for to the authorities in a satisfactory way. Mr. Woodhouse Eves
will, no doubt, act as your second. I will now leave you until such time as
the ball is at its height, when there will be little chance of any of my guests
being distracted by the ring of steel in the garden. Au revoir, milord. You
will yet find that to deflower a maid is a dangerous sport. Count Rupprecht,
your arm to the ball-room!”
“Altesse!” saluted the Hussars of Death or Honour.
“And what a mess!” sighed Mr. Woodhouse Adams.
“I’ll have to kill that boy,” said Lord Quorn thoughtfully.
IV
The dance was not yet at its most furious: the dowagers had scarcely
begun nudging each other the better to point their risqué tales of the days of
good King Edward: Cabinet Ministers had not long been exchanging
doubtful Limericks with jaded dexterity: when the following events
happened:
Anyone penetrating to a secluded conservatory leading from a corner of
the ball-room might have espied a young lady sitting at her ease on a bench
of cedarwood beneath the dusty and unbalanced-looking growth which is
sold in civilised countries as a palm-tree. The languid young lady’s air was
that of one who is forlorn, of one who is sad, of one who is so bored, yet
decidedly that of one who would not for worlds have her dolour interrupted
by the general run of humanity, such as perspire without suavity and go
poking their tedious noses into corners of ball-rooms, saying: “I say, will you
dance? I say, do dance!” Woe and woe to such youths, for they shall
instantly be answered by the magical words “Missing three” and their
persons shall be enveloped in forgetfulness forever.
Secure in her solitude behind a screen of plants and flowers, our young
lady had quite evaded the eye of even the most relentless dancer but for the
whisper of her white dress through the leaves. It should further be noted that
not one among all the flowers in that flaming conservatory was more
beautiful than the flowers of Cartier, Lacloche, Boucheron, and Janesich,
which graced the young lady’s slender forearm in the guise of bracelets of
diamonds, emeralds, black onyx, pink pearls and sapphires, all wrought upon
platinum in divers tender designs. Her throat was unadorned but for a double
rope of pearls, while two captive emeralds wept from the tips of her ears.
Her hair was tawny, and it glittered like a swarm of bees. As for her eyes,
they were more than adequate to every occasion, men being what they are.
But no sudden intruder could have been more surprised to see the
Princess Baba sitting alone—for it was she—than was the Princess Baba
herself to see, by the merest hazard of a glance over her shoulder, the curious
phenomenon of the hands, the feet and the person of a young gentleman
forcing himself into the premises through one of the conservatory windows.
She said, sighed, cried: “Oh!”
The intruder said something denoting astonishment, confusion, and grief;
while his appearance was notably devoid of that air of calm which is the
mark of your perfect rogue or practising philosopher.
“Well!” said the Princess Baba. “To come in by the roof!”
“Sorry,” said the young gentleman. “Sorry.”
“Sir, what can this mean! It is not by saying ‘sorry’ that one is excused
for housebreaking!”
“Madam,” begged the youth, “won’t you please allow me to explain?”
“And he calls me ‘madam’!” sighed the Princess Baba with vexation.
“Now I ask you, young man, do I look like a ‘madam’?”
He said: “You look divine. You are beautiful.”
“Attractive I may be,” said the young Princess, “but beautiful, no. For,
look at it which way you like, I’ve got a turned-up nose.”
“We are all as God made us,” sighed the young gentleman.
“By no means,” said the Princess Baba, “for some people are charming
and some are not, and what does God know of charm? It is dreadful to lie
awake at nights thinking that God lacks charm. Yet the word is never so
much as mentioned in the Bible.”
“As for the Bible,” said the young gentleman, “it is nowadays the fashion
among rich men to say that it makes the most delightful reading in the world.
Perhaps one day I shall have the time to read it too. In the meanwhile, may I
sit down?”
“But this is most unusual!” cried the young Princess. “To come to a ball
through a window! May I ask, are you a burglar? You certainly do not look
like a burglar. Explain yourself, sir!”
“I am a poor writer,” quoth our young friend. We, of course, knew that.
But the Princess Baba was surprised, protesting: “Oh, come, that must be
nonsense! For, firstly, you are rather a dear, and so you can’t be poor; and,
secondly, you are quite well-dressed, and so you can’t be a writer.”
“Your nonsense suits my nonsense,” said the young gentleman. “Thank
you.”
“Know, Sir Author, that I am the Princess Baba of Valeria.”
He rose and knelt and said: “Princess! What have I done!”
“Rise, my friend. Men no longer need to kneel to Royalty.”
“Princess, what shall I say! Oh, what have I done! How can I apologise
for this intrusion!”
The young Princess cried: “Why, here is an idea! You might begin by
kissing my hand. I assure you that that is quite usual. But oh, my friend, you
must please not kiss my hand while you are kneeling! That will never, never
do, for a man who is kneeling before a woman has her at a great
disadvantage. Provided, of course, that the woman has a temperament. I am,
unfortunately, full of temperament. My father is very worried about me.”
“Princess, this is not the first time I have kissed your hand.”
“Oh!” sighed the Princess Baba, and the young writer did his part like a
man and a cavalier, whereupon she said: “You have a very pretty way of
kissing a lady’s hand, Sir Author. And I had been told it was a lost art in
England!”
“All the arts were lost in England by our fathers, Princess. Youth is just
rediscovering them.”
“Young man,” said the Princess severely, “do you think it quite wise to be
so full of self-confidence as all that?”
“Princess, forgive me! But I am so poor that I have to be full of what
costs me least.”
“And may I ask what was that idiotic remark you just made about this not
being the first time you have kissed my hand? Why, you had never so much
as set eyes on me until a moment ago!”
“I have kissed your hand in a dream,” said the young writer gravely, and
then he told how one afternoon he had seen her hand and in her hand a
flower, and how he had woven such a web of romance about that hand and
flower that he had never a wink of sleep from night to night.
“But you must sleep!” cried the young Princess. “Oh, dear, and so you are
miserable, too! Ah, the misery of vain desire, and oh, the misery of delight
cut short! But you certainly must get some sleep to-night. You can’t be
allowed to go about kissing women’s hands as prettily as you do and getting
no sleep for your pains. Now wait here a few moments while I go and get
you some aspirin.”
But the youth dissuaded her, asking her how she could have the heart to
put an aspirin between them when he had dared all the legal penalties for
trespass for the sake of speech with her, nay, even for sight of her.
“Well, I think you are very bold,” sighed she, but he humbly protested
that never was a man less bold than he by ordinary, but that the fires of
chivalry had burned high in him at sight of her hand at the window, for, said
he, could any but an unhappy heart sit with a hand drooping out of a window
on the only sunny afternoon of an English summer?
“There is certainly something in that,” said the young Princess, and then
she told him how miserable she was and how miserable she must always be,
for her heart was engaged in a battle with superior odds. And she made him
sit beside her on the bench of cedarwood, telling him of her father and
mother and the gay Court of Valeria, “which is so gay,” she said, “that some
of the most respectable ladies of the Court are goaded into getting
themselves divorced just for the sake of the peace and quiet of being
déclassée.”
And she told how it was to this Court that one fine day there came an
English lord with the very best introductions and such very excellent white
waist-coats for evening wear as were the envy of every cavalier in Valeria.
“Like this one of mine?” asked the young gentleman, for is he a proper
man who will not belittle another by claiming an equal degree of eminence
in the sartorial abyss?
“That is not the point,” said the Princess Baba, “but the point is that my
Lord Quorn, for such was my lover’s name, was the handsomest man I ever
saw, and I loved him and he loved me and I lost him and he lost me. That
may seem a very reasonable combination of events to you, who are young
and cynical, but to me it was a matter of the utmost wretchedness. My
friend, know that this English lord had to fly for his life, for a jealous lady of
the Court had gone to my parents saying he had seduced me.”
“The liar!” cried our hero.
“Oh, it was quite true!” sighed the Princess Baba.
“The cad!” cried our hero.
“I can’t agree with you,” said the Princess Baba. “I adore him. I adore
him. I adore him. And, oh, I am so very unhappy!”
He rose and knelt and said: “Princess, mayn’t I be of some use? Can’t I
help you? Please command me, for I would die for you.”
“At this very moment,” she sobbed, “he is very probably either dead or
dying, for how can he hope to survive a duel with the best swordsman of
Valeria, Captain Count Rupprecht Saxemünden von Maxe-Middengräfen?”
“It certainly does sound rather improbable,” said the youth dismally.
“And when it is all over and my lover lies dead—ah, how can I even say
it!—my betrothal to his murderer will be formally announced.”
“What, you are actually to marry a man with a name like that!”
“Yes, isn’t it dreadful!” sobbed the Princess Baba, whereupon the young
gentleman rose and stood before her with respectful determination, saying
that he for one could not bear the idea of her marrying Captain Count
Rupprecht God-knöws-what von Whät-not, and would therefore do all in his
power to preserve life in the person of Lord Quorn, since the same was so
delightful to her.
“For even at the risk of your grave displeasure,” said our hero, “I must
tell you, Princess, that I like you frightfully and shall never again know
delight but in your presence.”
“Now you are making love to a breaking heart!” pitifully cried the
Princess Baba. “So this is chivalry!”
“Princess,” said he firmly, “I do but owe it to myself to ask you to make a
note of the fact that I love you. And it is because I love you that I will do all
in my power to save Lord Quorn.”
“But, my friend,” said she with very wide eyes, “however will you
manage that?”
“I am just thinking, Princess. But shall we, while I am thinking, dance?”
“What, you would have me dance while my love lies bleeding? I had
thought my confidence was placed in a more understanding mind. Ah listen,
oh look!”
And with a cry the Princess tore aside the flowers that screened the
conservatory windows and both looked down with eyes of horror on the
figures grouped in the garden below. Within, the rout was at its height and
the saxophone ever raised its frightful cry to the glory of the gods of Africa.
Without, was silence and the ring of steel.
“Oh, I can’t bear it, but I can’t bear it!” sobbed the young Princess,
holding a cry to her lips with a handkerchief plaintive with scent. The
antagonists in the dark garden were plain to see, the whiteness of their vests
moving dimly in the darkness; and the tall figure of Lord Quorn was seen to
be forced back against a tree-trunk, so that there could be no doubt but that
he must presently be run through.
“Oh, have I to watch him die!” cried the young Princess, and was
suddenly made to stare incredulously at the youth beside her, for he had
whispered in accents of triumph:
“By Heaven, I’ve got an idea, a marvellous idea! You want to be happy,
Princess? Then come with me! Come, we will dance through the crowd to
the door and then we will see about my plan.”
“But what is it, what is it, why do you keep me in such suspense? Ah;
you are cruel!” sighed the Princess Baba. “But you certainly do dance very
well. Oh, how I love dancing! When I was very young I used to dream that I
would like to be loved by a fairy prince with finger-nails of lapis-lazuli, but
lately I have dreamed that I would like to be an exhibition-dancer in a night-
club. But are you sure this is the nearest way to the door? It is so very
crowded that I can’t see it, but how well you guide, almost as well as you
kiss a lady’s hand! But quick, quick, to the door!”
“I am doing my best, Princess, guiding you through this crowd. It is
amazing how generously middle-aged people dance these days, denying
their elbows and feet to no one who comes near them.”
“But my lover dies—the door, the door!” cried the Princess Baba.
“And by Heaven, through it!”
“And now your plan?”
“Ah, you may well ask!” laughed our hero.
The tall figure of Lord Quorn lay crumpled and inert where he had fallen
against the tree-trunk. Only his eyes retained the magic gift of life, and they
looked upon the scene with sardonic resignation. Who shall describe what
thoughts then passed through the dying gallant’s mind? He was mortally
wounded.
Count Rupprecht lay stretched on his back a few yards away, the grass
about him soaked with the blood that flowed from his pierced lung. He was
dead. Above him stood the Duke, silently. Mr. Woodhouse Adams was on
his knees beside his dying friend.
“You got him, anyhow,” said he. “He’ll never know Christmas from
Easter again.”
“Fluke,” sighed Lord Quorn. “I always had the luck.”
“Luck, do you call it,” cried his friend, “to be killed!”
“It is better to be killed than to die,” said Lord Quorn faintly.
His Highness called grimly: “Ho, there! Ho, page!”
“Altesse!”
“Boy, go call my chaplain instantly.”
“Pester me with no priests, sir, I beg you!” cried the wicked Lord Quorn.
“I was born without one, I have lived without one, I have loved without one,
and I can damn well die without one.”
“Then has death no terrors for you, Lord Quorn?”
“Why, sir, I go to meet my Maker with the best heart in the world! I have
lived a perfectly delightful life in the best possible way. Can Paradise show a
more consummate achievement! Or must one have been bored to death in
this world to win eternal life in the next?”
“Then, page,” grimly said His Highness, “go tell the Princess Baba the
issue of the duel. Do not spare the truth. Count Rupprecht lies dead in
defence of her honour and the honour of Valeria; and Lord Quorn will
shortly be answering to God for his sins. And further tell the Princess that
she is permitted to say farewell to her lover. Begone!”
“Thank you very much,” sighed Lord Quorn.
But the page was not gone above a moment before he was returned,
saying breathlessly:
“Altesse, I bear this message from the Platinum-Stick-in-Waiting. The
Princess Baba was seen leaving the house a few minutes ago in a hired
vehicle, and with her was a young gentleman with an unknown face and
utterly devoid of decorations. Her Highness left word behind her with the
attendant of the Gentlemen’s Cloak-Room to the effect that she could so
little bear to await the issue of a duel in which her heart was so deeply
engaged that she had eloped with one who would understand her grief.”
“Good!” sighed Lord Quorn into the livid silence.
“What’s that you say!” snapped the Duke.
“I was merely thanking my God, sir, that I die at last convinced of the
truth of what I have always suspected, that nothing in this world means
anything at all.”
“Except, of course, dogs and horses,” said Mr. Woodhouse Adams, and
that will do well enough for the end of the tale of the hand and the flower,
which is called Prologue because nobody ever reads a Prologue and how can
it be to anyone’s advantage to sit out so improbable a tale without the
accompaniment of a Viennese waltz?
As for our hero and his darling, there are, naturally, no words to describe
the happiness they had in each other. It was not long, however, before the
young writer ceased to be a writer, for there was no money in it; but with
what his young wife made by selling the story of her elopement for to make
a musical-comedy they opened a night-club in Golden Square called Delight
is my Middle Name and lived happily ever after, the whilom Princess Baba
making a great name for herself as a dancer, for she was all legs and no hips
and her step was as light as her laughter and her laughter was as light as the
breath of Eros.
In conclusion, may he who is still young enough and silly enough to have
told this tale be some day found worthy to be vouchsafed that which will
make him, too, live happily ever after in peace and good-will with his heart,
his lady and his fellows; and may the like good fortune also befall such
youths and maidens as, turning aside for a moment from the realities of life,
shall read this book.
I: A ROMANCE IN OLD BRANDY
T ALKING of dogs, no one will deny that dogs make the best, the dearest,
and the most faithful companions in the world. No one will deny that
even very small dogs have very large hearts. No one will deny that
human beings are as but dirt beside dogs, even very small dogs. No one will
deny that all dogs, large or small, are more acceptable to the Lord than
foxes, rats or Dagoes. That is, if the Lord is a gentleman. No one can deny
that. No one, anyhow, dares deny that. Let us be quite candid. A man who
does not glory in the companionship of dogs is no fit mate for any woman.
That is what Valerest said. A woman who glories in nothing else but the
companionship of a dratted little beast with two unblinking black eyes is
certainly no fit mate for any man. That is what Valentine thought.
Valentine and Valerest were sat at dinner. Valerest was the name of
Valentine’s wife, and she was a nice girl. A pretty maid waited on them.
Valentine and Valerest were silent. The pretty maid left them.
Valerest said: “Any man who does not like dogs is no fit mate for a
woman.”
Valentine thought as above.
“I really don’t see,” said Valerest bitterly, “why you are so sulky this
evening.”
Sulky! Ye gods and little fishes, to be moved by a profound and sorrowful
anger—and to be called ‘sulky’! O God of words and phrases, O Arbiter of
tempers and distempers, to sit in silent dignity and resignation—and to be
called ‘sulky’! Verily, what a petty thing one word can make of martyrdom!
Wherefore Valentine raised his voice and said: “I am not sulky.”
“Well,” said Valerest, “you needn’t shout.”
Valentine said: “I never shout.”
A situation was thus created. The pretty maid came in with the sweet in
the middle of it. Valentine and Valerest were silent. Mr. Tuppy was not. Mr.
Tuppy said “Yap!” Mr. Tuppy lay on a mouldy old cushion, and the mouldy
old cushion lay on a chair, and the chair was beside Valerest. Dear Mr.
Tuppy, sweet Mr. Tuppy! Tuppy was a Chinaman, Tuppy was a dog.
“The pretty darling, the mother’s tiny tot!” sighed Valerest. “And does he
want his dinner then, the mother’s rabbit?”
“Yap!” said Mr. Tuppy.
“Isn’t he a darling!” cried Valerest.
“Charming,” said Valentine.
“Well,” said Valerest, “you aren’t very gay to-night, I do think!”
It could be asked, need Valerest have said that? Again, it could be asked,
need Valerest have said that brightly? Valentine, at that moment, appeared to
be engaged in spearing a boiled cherry, which formed part of a fruit-salad. It
would not appear, therefore, that Valentine was engaged on anything very
important. Indeed, there will not be wanting those to say that Valentine’s
attention might well have been diverted to something more “worth while”
(an American phrase meaning money) than even the most notable fruit-
salad. They will be wrong. For there is a time in everyone’s life when even
the most homely fruit-salad, even one unspiced with Kirsch or liqueur, can
be of such moment that everything else must, for that time, go by the board.
Therefore it must at once be apparent to even the most impatient reader that
The Romance in Old Brandy must be delayed for at least another paragraph
while impartial enquiry is made into the fruit-salad of Valentine Vernon
Chambers.
Ever since he was so high Valentine would always eat a fruit-salad
according to certain laws of precedence. Not for worlds would he have
admitted it, but that is how it was. He liked the chunks of pineapple best, so
he kept the chunks of pineapple to the last. Strawberries he liked next best, if
they weren’t too sloppy, so they came one but last. As for grapes in a fruit
salad, they are slippery and sour, and Valentine thought it was no fit place for
them. After strawberries, he was partial to cherries. While first of all he
would demolish the inevitable bits of banana. Cream he never took with a
fruit-salad.
It will therefore be seen that, as he was then only at the beginning of the
cherry stratum, the fruit-salad future of Valentine Vernon Chambers was one
of exceptional promise. But it was not to be. Even as Valerest spoke,
brightly, he couldn’t help but cast one furtive look at the chunks of
pineapple. Nor were the strawberries sloppy. But queer depths were moving
in him that evening. From the chunks of pineapple he looked across the table
at his wife, and Valerest saw that his blue eyes were dark, and she was
afraid, but did she look afraid? Valerest, Oh, Valerest!
“Yap!” said Mr. Tuppy.
“There, there!” said Valerest, and she kissed Mr. Tuppy, and Mr. Tuppy
loved it.
“By Heaven, that dog!” snapped Valentine.
Valerest said: “That’s it! Vent your bad-temper on poor little Mr. Tuppy!”
Valentine looked at Valerest.
“I see,” said Valentine quietly. Very quietly. “Oh, I see!”
And worse. Much worse. Very quietly.
“I suppose you think,” said Valerest, “that because I’m your wife you can
say anything you like to me. You’re wrong.”
“I think,” said Valentine, “that because you’re my wife you ought to
behave like my wife. And I’m right.”
And then he left the room. And then he left the house. And then the house
was very still.
Valerest, sitting very straight in her chair, heard the front-door slam. She
listened. Through the open window behind her came the sound of manly
footsteps marching away down South Street. She listened. Away the
footsteps marched, away. Then a taxi screamed, and the incident of the
manly footsteps was closed forever.
“Well, that’s that!” said Valerest.
“Yap!” said Mr. Tuppy.
“Mother’s rabbit!” said Valerest absently.
“Mr. Tuppy,” said Valerest suddenly, “this can’t go on. You know, this
can’t go on.”
“Yap!” said Mr. Tuppy.
“I’m not a chattel,” said Valerest. “To be used just as a man likes. I will
not be a chattel.”
The pretty maid came in.
Valerest said: “Come along, Mr. Tuppy. I’ve got a headache. Bed.”
II
Valentine walked. When he had been walking for some time he realised
that he was achieving the impossible in combining an excess of motive
power with a minimum of progress, for he found himself walking in a
direction exactly opposed to that in which his destination lay. He corrected
this, and presently stood before a house in Cadogan Gardens. The houses in
Cadogan Gardens wear a gentle and sorrowful air, and Valentine grew more
depressed than ever.
Now, years before, his guardian had said: “There may come a time,
Valentine, when something happens to you about which you will think it
impossible that anyone can advise you. But you may be wrong in thinking
that. Try me then, if you care to.”
Valentine’s parents had died when he was very young, in one of those
marvellously complete accidents arranged by any competent story-teller
when he simply must deprive a child at one blow of a mother’s love and a
father’s care. Valentine’s parents, however, had in some measure protested
against their simultaneous fate, and Valentine’s mother had lived long
enough after the accident to appoint Mr. Lapwing her boy’s sole guardian.
Mr. Lapwing was the senior partner of the city firm of Lapwing & Lancelot,
merchants. And as, quite apart from his regard for Valentine’s parents, he
was wealthy, a widower, and childless, it can readily be understood that he
eagerly accepted the trust. Although when it is said that he accepted the trust
it is not to be implied that Mr. Lapwing tried to take a “father’s place” with
the boy. Mr. Lapwing, like so many childless men, knew all about his place
with any boy. He was without one theory as to education, but acted merely
on a vague idea that the relations between parents and children, whether it
was the Victorian one of shaming the joy out of children or the Georgian one
of encouraging the joy into vulgarity, had gotten the world into more trouble
than anything in history since the fall of Lucifer from Paradise.
On this evening, twenty-four years after he had first entered the house in
Cadogan Gardens, Valentine stood quite a while before the door and
wondered how he was to put It. It, you understand, was very difficult to put.
A disagreement between a man and his wife remains indissolubly a
disagreement between a man and his wife, and only a man or his wife may
solve It. Indeed, Valentine had already solved It. He detested compromise. A
divorce was, undoubtedly, indicated. Undoubtedly. So undoubtedly, indeed,
that Valentine would not have dreamed of putting It to Mr. Lapwing at all
had he not thought himself bound in honour to ask his guardian’s advice
“when something happens to you about which you will think it impossible
that anyone can advise you.”
III
IV
Valentine at last made an end to the muttering noises with which he had
tried to put before his guardian the state of acute disagreement that existed
between himself and Valerest. Mr. Lapwing finished his brandy, rose from
the table, and thoughtfully took a turn or two about the room.
“Well?” said Valentine.
“I,” said Mr. Lapwing absently, “can tell you a much better story than
that. Any day.”
Valentine flushed. “I didn’t tell you about this, sir, so that you should
make a guy of me.”
Mr. Lapwing said gloomily: “Keep your hair on. When I said that I could
tell you a much better story than yours, I meant, naturally, that my story is
complete, whereas yours, you will agree, is as yet far from complete.”
Valentine muttered something about his being quite complete enough for
him, but all Mr. Lapwing said sharply was: “Here, no more of that brandy!
That brandy is too good to swim in. But if you want to get drunk, I will ring
for some whisky.”
“I don’t want to get drunk,” snapped Valentine.
“Good boy!” said Mr. Lapwing vaguely, and continued pacing up and
down the dim, long room, while Valentine sat still and thought of his past
life and found it rotten.
Suddenly Mr. Lapwing said, in that irritatingly exact way of his which
was never quite exact: “You, Valentine, are twenty-nine years old. Valerest is
twenty-two——”
“Four,” said Valentine.
“Very well. And you have been married just over three years——”
“Nearly five,” sighed Valentine.
“Very well. You, Valentine, want a child. Valerest, however, does not
want a child just yet. Your argument is a sound one: that if parents wait too
long before their children are born, by the time the children grow up the
parents will be too old to share any of their interests and pleasures——”
“That’s right,” said Valentine sourly. “Valerest and I will be a pair of old
dodderers by the time they’re of age.”
“Exactly. A very sound argument. Whereas Valerest——”
Valentine snapped: “She doesn’t even trouble to argue. She just sits and
grins!”
“Exactly. She is much too deeply in the wrong to argue. When nations are
too deeply in the wrong to argue they call on God and go to war. When
women are too deeply in the wrong to argue they sit and grin. And I daresay
that the way you put your arguments gives Valerest plenty to sit and grin
about.”
“My God,” said Valentine, “don’t I try to be reasonable!”
“Listen,” said Mr. Lapwing, and then he told Valentine that he had been
married twice. Valentine was amazed. He had not known that.
Mr. Lapwing said: “I was very young when I married my first wife. Even
younger than you, although even then I knew a good brandy from a poor
one. And I was very much in love. As, if you will not think an old man too
ridiculous, I am still. Of course, she is dead now.”
Valentine was listening with only half a mind. He had still to get over his
surprise that his guardian had been married twice. There are some men who
look as though they simply could not have been married twice. They look as
though one marriage would be, or had been, a very considerable feat for
them. Mr. Lapwing looked decidedly like that: he looked, if you like, a
widower: but decidedly not like a widower multiplied by two——
Mr. Lapwing was saying, from a dim, distant corner of the room: “In
those days I was a very serious young man. I took love and marriage very
seriously. And when we had been married a couple of years I discovered in
myself a vehement desire to be a father: a natural enough desire in a very
serious young man. My wife, however, was younger than I: she loved life,
the life of the country and the town, of the day and of the night, of games
and dances. You see what I mean?”
Valentine snapped: “Don’t I! Just like Valerest.”
“Exactly. At first,” said Mr. Lapwing, and his face as he slowly paced up
and down the dim room would every now and then be quite lost in the
shadows. “At first, I indulged her. To tell you the truth, I was very proud of
her service at tennis, her handicap at golf. But there are limits.”
“There are,” said Valentine. “Valerest is already in training for
Wimbledon next year, and I hope a tennis-ball gets up and shingles her
eyelashes. And she’s got to 6 at golf. Pretty good for a kid who looks as
though she hadn’t enough muscle to play a fast game of ludo. But that’s right
about there being limits. There are limits! And I’ve reached them.”
“Exactly,” agreed Mr. Lapwing’s dim voice from the distance of the
room. “I had reached them too, Valentine. And, I am afraid, I grew to be
rather unpleasant in the home—as you, no doubt, are with Valerest. One’s
manner, you know, isn’t sometimes the less unpleasant for being in the
right.”
Valentine said: “I don’t know about pleasant or unpleasant. But a fellow
must stick to his guns.”
“Guns?” said Mr. Lapwing vaguely. “Were we talking of guns?”
“I merely said, sir, that one must stick to one’s guns.”
“Of course, yes! Decidedly one must stick to one’s guns. Very proper.
Well, Valentine, I too stuck to my guns. Like you, I thought they were good
guns. My young wife and I grew to disagree quite violently about her
preference for being out-and-about to rearing my children: until one day,
after a more than usually fierce and childish argument, she left my house—
this house, Valentine—and never came back.”
From the shadowy distance Mr. Lapwing was looking thoughtfully at
Valentine. But Valentine’s eyes were engaged elsewhere: he was seeing a
picture of Valerest stamping out of his house, never to come back. It was,
Valentine saw, quite conceivable. He could see it happening. It was just the
sort of thing Valerest might do, stamp out of the house and never come back.
And the picture grew clearer before Valentine’s eyes, and he stared the
picture out.
“Well,” he said at last, “that’s the sort of thing that happens. It’s got to
happen.”
Mr. Lapwing said: “Exactly.” His face was in the shadow. Valentine,
fiddling with a cigarette, still staring at the picture in his mind, went on:
“I mean, it’s inevitable, isn’t it? A man can’t go on forever living in the
same house with a woman who laughs at the—the—well, you know what I
mean—at the most sacred things in him. And she’s got a dog.”
“I know,” said Mr. Lapwing. “Mr. Tuppy. Nice little dog.”
“Bloody little dog!” snapped Valentine. “Look here, sir, when things have
got to the state they have with Valerest and me the crash has got to come.
Just got to, that’s all.”
Mr. Lapwing said gloomily: “Of course, there’s love.”
Valentine thought profoundly about that.
“No!” snapped Valentine. “That’s just where you are wrong, sir. There
was love. Certainly. But they kill it. They just kill love. I mean, I know what
I’m talking about. Some of these young women treat love as though it was a
naughty little boy who should be made to stand in a corner except as a great
treat once in six weeks. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Valerest has just
gone out of her way to kill my love.”
“Sex,” said Mr. Lapwing thoughtfully.
“Sex?” said Valentine.
“Sex,” said Mr. Lapwing dimly. “Sex becomes very important when a
man is—er—deprived of it. When he is—er—not deprived of it he becomes
used to it, and it ceases to have any—er—importance at all. Women don’t
like that. Women——”
“Damn women!” snapped Valentine.
“Women,” said Mr. Lapwing, “can be very tiresome. Wives can be
intolerable. I have been married twice. England and America are strewn with
good men suffering from their wives’ virtues. It is damnable. When a
woman is faithful to her husband she generally manages to take it out of him
in some other way. The mere fact that she is faithful makes her think that she
has a right to be, well, disagreeable. The faithful wife also considers that she
has a right to indulge in disloyal moods——”
“Disloyal moods!” said Valentine thoughtfully. “That’s good.”
“Fidelity,” said Mr. Lapwing, “can cause the devil of a lot of trouble in
the home, unless it is well managed. Fidelity needs just as much good
management as infidelity. I am telling you this,” said Mr. Lapwing, “because
I think fidelity is beautiful and I hate to see it made a mess of. I draw from
my own life, from my first marriage. I stuck firmly to those guns which you
so aggressively brought into the conversation. A year or so went by. Then
her parents approached me and suggested that we should come to some
agreement, either to live together again or to arrange a divorce on the usual
lines. They were good people. Their argument was that we were both too
young to go on wasting our lives in this shilly-shally way.
“By this time, of course, the matter of my quarrel with my wife had faded
into nothing. There remained only the enormous fact that we had quarrelled
and that, since neither of us had tried to make the quarrel up, our love must
obviously be dead.
“I referred her parents to her, saying I would do as she wished. She sent
them back to me, saying she was quite indifferent. A divorce was then
arranged by our lawyers; and I was divorced for failing to return to my wife
on her petition for restitution of conjugal rights. The usual rubbish.
“To be brief, it was not long before I married again. But now I was older,
wiser. I had tasted passion, I had loved: to find that passion was yet another
among the confounded vanities that are perishable.
“Valentine, I married my second wife with an eye to the mother of my
children. I married sensibly. I have, as you know, a considerable property;
and I continued to desire, above all things, an heir to my name and a
companion for my middle years. That I have a companion now in you—and
in Valerest—is due to the infinite grace of God: that I have not an heir to
carry on my name is due to my own folly.
“My second wife was of that type of woman whom it is the fashion of our
day to belittle as ‘matronly,’ but from whose good blood and fine quality is
forged all that is best in great peoples. The difference between my affection
for her and my passion for my first wife is not to be described in words: yet
when she died in giving birth to a dead child you will easily understand how