ffl‘F’flfl--‘-/F

Savage Worlds Created By

Shane Lacy I-Ienslely

Editorial Assistance Provided By The Savage Sharks, Dennis Mohr, Jodi Thies Black, B-9 Shane Lae_y Hensley
Thanks he unto the metric. buttload ofplaytesters,
without whose input and advice this game would sun::l~: even more:
{In no ]:rarticI.Ilar order) Ethan Greer, |on l-tosenherg, Eli:-Laheth Luia, Kevin Korenke, Scott ."vrleClm|d, Siiflt lt'Ju'Elr,'*:J', Miranda
l'lra:|le}.', ;'~.-‘legan Maher, Darby Elgin, Laura Cole, ‘|'anc1_,' Bodenstein, Edward Elder, [amine Herbert, [effSiraI.1ae, Daniel |"‘~lewl-zirlt,
David Morse, Roy Smith, Eric firth, l'l'..'l]TH".l,, .’\.-lartini, Szainan, Astalclo, Qentin, llya Halls, ltoh l'lalla_ Beth llalla, Alan Kerner,
|:Lson, losh, Laura Stoehr, |aI_,'son Uta, Matt l'~.'lr:.i}.;1nie.l, Tyler Childers, |ason Adains, lan l"erg1_I:-ion, :5-. Marls: Crar.'ldor:l-L

Ultraspeeial thanks unto Jodi Thies Black, Clint, Black, Bren}, "1 made up the name c:rernef1l1'an" Wolke,
and Lo Almighty Boorfilezar, Blessed be his name.

This book is dedicated to lliana, my firstborn larva,

and to Heather, who knew I was weird but married me anyway.

‘- _.
- --. ..
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~ ~ -
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b'amy,Lr 1.-‘-.-'orlu.ls. SI11ili|1g, Jarl-a, and (_;roat K"-."l1itu Liannrs are L'np}.'|'i,a__',l1t IHUE, Cheat H-'l1ile ijaltws.
Low Life and all unique t;|_1araeters, creatures, and locations lierein are Ctnn'rigl1t EDGE, Atudy I-lopp_
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E31132 110]’ Damage Weight Hates

.|fl.'l."1'1'lDI' ']:ype Location Protection Weight Notes

‘_
E
D
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Pace (base 6")

Barry (2.+ Half Fighting)

Toughness (2 + Half Vigor)

Charisma Power fuints

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']'iLIe H-r Credits 31- 5|_ufi'
( Tabb} C‘-.. Savage Tales
I\,121i{.TxJ,_'1 u:n¢=)
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Chsrac |_cr 5hee|_ r___ TI‘. 1,
{fitlflgested flank. 5uH3es|_ed Lead-in. f'rirI1ar__'.f Lee-.11_ierI}
lnnanzls [This Page} :3?‘ ‘H’

'['ules1is|_ea:| in -[]1|s eelursre in[_e5ur:al La Lbs: plug,

The face lnlerch s.n[_ Srpeaketh 1:‘ in.
These listed in hlael-I can stand aldne.
fin. Brief I-Ii.s|;_er_}r ef 5l.I.I:ne C‘ C‘
hut may r..-nnf_-.1in e-Iernen[_s useful Ln the main star}:
Dajrs 3-r Ii-'[en|_hs 5-!H.-

The MOD“ 5r The Pilfifiiflfl Bf Tm‘-B '17-"‘--.‘- faster ef fuppets ET

What is Ca]! feeple '="-‘--..‘ {Hevicm flecmj
The Lewrlewn (EPE-I::ll.l Infe} '3''25
If I Wanted ‘fee: Dpinien I Would Heat I|_ C'Iu[_ nf ‘fen
Measurements Sp 'EIis[snce
{I"~ieI.rice. Hew Faster cf [-‘up-pe[s. Flecm}
Hele ward 31: Helewhence
Ultimate H.i.n:len Fighting Champs
The Shape ef Things
Character Creatlen {I'~ie-.riee.fi.n_y. Fleem}
Lew Lives {The feeple of llilutha C|'l[_h Weapens Greeunfls Diflil Creature. May I Talre "g"I.Iur flrder?
Bedul '_i Wacky wiiflflulfi Wiarksh er: [chm-|_} {I*~Hnries:. flung. Flu:-errn}
Cren1ef.I.Iisn Geaeueer ef Ditjh How Much is That Elegy in the Win dew?
Cresch Sp-.‘n.IT_irIH the Eah
{I'~irI1'ii:e,Hi.n_}". Flnnrnj
Herc The Craptasfie ‘ilferld sf Hume Dim
The [i'.ueu:ueer erf NJ Evil 95
Clefe Map 1.11" Gith
{5essened. hey. Fleelnj
Pile 4"‘Ei'~‘.'i
The Secret Ingredient is I..e1re 9“:-"
Ernelf Essa
']'ir.n'|_ The Incredibly HIIHE Mn:-.nsf_er"'" [Em-ascned. Hcw Mtlch is ']'ha|_ Slcflay in [he ‘w'ir1r|ew?. ficcm}
Warm Keisler Isisnri Give Me ‘Back My B-eat, ‘fen Crazy Bastards lflfl
Si-aiiis The Dinfldem :1-[' [he Being
[Se-ascned. Haw Much is ']'|'|.a|_ Sleflfly in [he "w'ir1dcw'r". Fieem}
Hindrances The 1"-'Ir.:~L1r1u|:I.r Clmeee Fields
Bring Me the fuss erf Gerrninee [he Gee-seel IE5‘.
Edges E E E SE E E D".-|.I.II'I:
I[5e=t.-aened. The 5e:.'re|_ Ingredient is Lmre. The Garden ef
He": Remus iflsiisieni ‘LI-i '-J Th-a|_ Cine Fiaee With fill The Sand
iimelle me n|_-al Glee}
Beerfllerarisrfism [tandem Eneeuntere
Heemsnitsrisnism I3eeLia1;y' ef Uith Dr-e Enifl’ Tee Hang 1G-I
_]eerie freskism Hnrlfl I[5eaeHnr:d. Bring He [he 1155--.. New Ueriquar}
_]emima's ‘in-i'i|_ness1sm HrnI:.‘L1-riilr: Pee Eafinfl Grin IUIE
Sisnisrn Cheese Leeeh
I[5e-aeuned. Cine Er-ifi' The PI-'ian_)r. New Cierlqaari
Cults 5:'~‘:';-’E'e-‘i -3?; CenLanin'IarI|_
feulriess jlplenily
Elrlritch Wanders {Magic} Cute Utfle D1IeI:_}r
{"|n"e[,i.-ran. Fee EaLin3 ‘Grin. New Cierlquarj
Cen1_snin1s|_cr h- -1. Esephagatrnr
Curses! Eeilerl figaln
Dernen|_si.is|_ L l."-53'
‘3i.=.aiL=.r
Hecus Peker la -''1.'' 'i3:1e;e.:r:1 [‘i"e[_eran. fin}. Gsrgle Twice}
He];-r Heller h. '...r-" Greethee E-Liid The Hue]: E'|;ar[_s Here
Smelicaster -Flrh. Hair Bare |["'n"e|_r.-r-.1n. Feulness hplenw. The Flmesierancej
Weirde H- h. Headslnne
Besliwe Teumelf
1"-lew I-‘ewers Miif
{'I"eLeran. The Muck El;-trLs Here, Elewhi-:‘1}
Centsnimsflen 1'-"[u|;an’r_ Land ]7':.-ih
A Net 5-e fend Farewell Le firms
Mind flead.in' fldre
{iii}: E-aid |[!-1::-.eamerI, Heslaw: ]"eurse|f, M-.=.-anhs-.gs}
Sulnmen Cent,-mimants
Cas[,1n3 a1_MuI|_ipIe '['sr3e|,s [’1'in‘tnrdi:fl fiunn A ‘Wang and a Prayer

fwaiiahic Pcwers by 'j:}rpe Puddle Hf ‘fuel: {'l'il‘_‘|__I':r:i.n, I-1-esl.-we ‘j"m.:.rs:-.-|-|', Elnrl-is Wang]
Trappinfls Eieneharhu Te Ear is Heemari
Gear Br Geerls 5r.‘a.I'_}f ELSE Mllthfl
|[Hereic. fl. ‘in-"a n3 and fl. Prajer. The lr1credih|_}r HI.I3-D
Halufiiinfl Eehrmnhle
Mcns|_er‘"']
Stuff Slefl
'5|':iri1'_ uf [he Clarified .1-gm Greg in fifieg Clegs Eegflihr Hear the Elefl
Hand em 51_uf|'
Sqiliflfliy Mas.‘-‘ {Herein Te Ear is Hecman. fiflefl City}
Gertie |_he Gisni:|'s Crapwaflen [chart]-
firmer '5l“""*i'-* fat Sushi ,.|i.in'[_ He Chump

Shields The Thing Th:IL En-'[':flhl, Net Er.- {Herein-, '11: Ear is Heernen, Tnasfi

CieLhin3 Trirlnapiesrslnte
.1. Plilwerful and Eniflmaljc Secret cf the Universe
Seri-an[,s 51- Services Savage Tales
|[He1-air.-, f:1[$I.e:i'|i ,.I'i.in'L He Churnp, Keister Island}
Grub :!~,- Greg Peeps {niin-pia_yI.:: eharatiem]
Crsrflr 51_ufl' The Disenlar_gifieeLer
']'rsnsper|_a|_1en The frinerdiai Seep Kitchen
Vehicles {chs nj fluurudueunn Lab mil the flu |]'|-fir]

Heflarrlirlg Page Barriers: iirewn is far e'IreI;}'t:-ne Le read. Green can he read by players if [he ii-:3:-55 decides i|_'s warranted. and Fllrple is far the Bass eel}

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Sflgbtly Skewed account

the Rise of the SOWI)“ a
Cozy your goosin' wazoo over this sh1'oom
a11d tune your earballs, curious wanderer. l, at
you1' service. am The Face l'v“lerchant,
_l’eripatetic Historian and Chronicler of Wllat
'
as.
lshall speak a tale of the truth of what once
was and will never again be. A cautionary
tale, to be sure, but also a t'ale to inspi1'e,
inflame, and indoctrinate. lvlay you be a
greater self from its hearing. and l a greater
self f1'om its telling.
titties.
Heed, the Clitll was not always as it is now.
A gazillion ages gone by this sprawl of muck
and ancient refuse was a magnificent and
glorious realm. It was a land of greenery and
industry, with majestic edifices rising to the
clouds. Real clouds, mind you, not these
belching purple vapors that defile what
How did it come to be? I am pleased and
revolted that you asked...
A moment, if you please, while I nibble the
requisite countenance for this particular
branch of the story. Behold, these faces I sell,
carved of mystic rutabaga, contain the
floundering memories of those that came
before. To those with the knack to gnaw in the
appropriate style, all manner of secrets and
histories are unraveled. I am such a one.
The Hoomanrace’s downfall came, as such
downfalls often do, in a most
unexpected and unlikely
manner. In fact, it came in
several
and unlikely manners. The
exact details are unknown, at least to me, but
suffice to say that in the span of a few brief
centuries the Dith was treated to enough
cosmic calamities, domestic disturbances, and
visit'ations from elsewhere to fill a silo of
facebaskets.°‘
The cataclysm
not quite green, then a less unpleasant shade
of brown. That was before They came...
at this point lwill pause dramatically while
you ponder the possibilities.
‘Who were They you ask? aliens. Beings
from another world, that's who. Little green
ones, slender gray ones, ones with eye-stalks
and ones with mystic artifacts like butt probes
and reagans- These were the ancestors of
today's oofos, and they did not come for a
social cell. invasion, enslavement, and
eventual nutritive consumption —that was
the order of the day for fliese ancient oofos_
And they would l1ave gotten away with it too,
dozen unexpected if not for the comets...
Comets, great tailed beasts of ice and stone.
A pair of them raced too close between the
Ciith and the moon, reversing the direction of
the CIith’s rotation, cleaving a massive crack
along the backside of the moon and hurtling
great pasteurized chunks of moon flesh filth-

was the end of

‘passes for a sky in this craphole world, but
calm and elegant beasts that fluttered
resplendently through an atmosphere even
bluer than a borlo's ass cheeks.‘
"res indeed, the ancient times were fun
times. In those days, the planet was ruled by a
benevolent race of beings that called
themselves the Hoomanrace. These creatures
knew little of war and violence? They were a
I 1' eaceful and industrious species, powerful
._'£R'%1apers of the land and architects of
philosophy, technology, and poetry.
Such was the way of things for‘ countless
ages. The Hoomanrace lived in peace and
agreement with all of the CJitl1's creatures. But,
in much the same manner as a delicious meal
of bogwort and grubcakes inevitably ends in
flaming diarrhea, so too did this time of
wonder end in tragedy.
'
blow the grand l-loomanrace is millennia
dead and we are forced to dwell among the
muck-soaked ruins of their ancient culture.
We who sprang from the piss and blight and
_filth of a thousand calamities are all that
-I"err1ain of intelligent life on this ruined world.
It
was instigated,
evidently, by an
argument between
two uncharacteristically belligerent members
of the Hoomanrace. ritpparently one person
was loafing on some land owned by anoflier
person, an exceptionally possessive fellow, to
say the least. lt seems that the one fellow
wanted the other fellow to leave his land, and
when the other fellow refused, the first fellow
threw a nukular‘ bomb at him. That fellow
had friends, and they threw nukular bombs at
the first fellow, and soon the entire Dith was
cove1'ed in a cloud of nuk ular debris and other
assorted radioactive crap. hlukular winter
became the way of things. Clitli was in
darkness, freezing from the gloom and
burning from the radiation. As one can no
doubt imagine, this was quite disappointing
to the fragile and peace-loving Hoomanrace.
But all was not lost. Alnid the chemical
spills, nukular fallout and frozen seas the
Hoomanrace clung tenaciously to existence.
Eventually, remnants of light and warmth
returned to the skies and the world became, if
times‘
ward. This triggered incredibly cataclysmic
events on the Dith. Hurricanes. himmicanes,
tornadoes, volcanoes, oithquakes, floods and
mudslides ravaged the land as never before.
The lost continent of Egglanlis rose, sank, rose
again and sank again, bringing with it the
arcane secrets of hocus~pokery and other
mystic arts? Cataclysmic forces opened a rift
connecting the Dith to the realm of
lvliddle-Uith and then quickly shut it in
horror, but not before admitting all manner of
smelves, rampaging horks, and the like.“
Things were pretty bad for the Hoomanrace.
They were about to get even worse.
By this point, the planet was pretty much a
ruined sludge puddle, not altogether different
from the way it is today- The Eiith had been
flushed down the crapper without so much as
a farewell wipe-
Times passed; an era, perhaps three. Clver
time the ancient l-loomanrace died out. its
forsaken cities lay crumbled and buried. its

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Face Merchant has a vestigial er 'accese-ry" nipple on his left euttcheek.

descendants, warped and mutated beyond
recognition by centuries of exposure to
cosmic, nukular, and toxic waste, were slowlv
evolving into the boduls of toclav. The
dominant beings of the planet, the noble
cockroach, the tenacious worm, and the
imperishable snack cake, evolved into grand
new forms. Those few abandoned oofos that
survived The Flush formed communities of
their own, their ancient technologv lost to the
arms of history.
Today we live in a time of bar]:-arism and
warfare. lt is a time of violence and fear. It is
all of these things, but it is also a time of high
adventure. Lost lands and civilizations await
exploration. Horrid monsters and grand
treasures lurk behind every rock. New magics
and ancient artifacts await discovery. We live
in a world where destiny is shaped by stren -_
of spirit, spell, and sword; a world where egen _
the lowliest worm can become a king by his
own hand.
I

Dru.-"rn Eevenlliliilids. 3 nuclei from He-n Eh:Ir|oLIar.l1-as‘: eight |'-ands tr I1 .hI hand.
.- 4? - s-.-Fit‘
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 How Things Me. and How They Gill} That. Way (013 so we believe)
"...mm‘ on HIE’ ilu'rfy—setvnH: ii.-zy Grand
created l‘u'msci_',r‘l Afler all. E-I-|!3|'H'H_’a_'3|'li|'£’
Iran‘ to take fire Hittite.”
-EFIDYDIMUB 3:14
Time and Eating
Although the typical bug or bodul is
eontent to merely witness lhe turning of days
and seasons as a distant phenomenon,
wisenheimers and historians often argue the
__ importance of a calendar to accurately and
' a dly record and monitor the passage of
time. To this end, esteemed croach chronicler
Yimrninee the Souse has devised a marvelous
system. "1"imminee's ingenious
fi evaluates gaaillions of historical, astrological,
.-|"" astronomical, mystical and scientific variables
to devise a complete and accurate chronicle of
the history of C‘-‘ith. According to "t'imminee’s
arrangernent, the various eras of Clith can be
classified thusly:
Mthuugh 1:rI:rs_~»_d'res- l'1av_g_- wings: idhffilllefl. _1:he'ir':rI.m:|'ry shell rrIa'|te5- ‘them ‘too heavy To ‘fly.
cafi Really Really Long Time figo ‘A Really Really Long Time figo
Very little is known of this time.
Speculation abounds, but, since nobody
of: Really Long Time fiflo was around yet, not much at all is known of
Dr this time. this era. Several theories exist as to how Uith
was created, but very little empirical evidence
away Back in the Bay supports any of them. The Hoomanrace
Big Ass lvlonsters wandered the Ditll. believed that their god, Jelvis Criminee, built
eliaek in the Day the Ditlr in a few days and nights, apparently
using nothing more than a few well versed
The Hoomanrace came to Dith. A time of
"Let there be’s". Many croaches are of the
peace and harmony.
mind that Boorglezar, The Cosmic Dung
@’I'he Time of [he flush Beetle rolled the Dith out of The lvlanure of
The downfall of the Hoomanrace. Creation. Traditional Stanismist mythology
efifier the Wipe places the origin of Dill’: at the center of some
huge celestial orgy l-:.nown as "The Big Bang."
No more Hoomanrace. Dur ancestors got
Thousands of wacky theories exist and there’s
their butts moving.
almanac a religion to go with each one.
eYesf_eryear ‘Wl"ietl1er Dith was crapped into existence
The Rise of The Lowly. by a giant monster or painted on cosmic
canvas by Boss Rob‘ is irrelevant; it's here
eReoen[ly
now and nobody will ever know precisely
"I’imminee the Souse made a calendar.
how. Deal with it.
flu '
J
115'
-r
. --
 11 Really Lung Time Age After the Wipe Elf ceurse, eur ancesters had it reugh. They
There really wasn’t much geing en. Stuff This era marked anether peried ef relative had te develnp new technelegies and reinvent
happened. ne deubt. Time passed. Things inactivity en Ctith. The mutated remnants ef ethers. The recliscr:-very ef hecus—pekery and If-" -

transpired. Events eccurred. hlene ef them l-leemanrace and eefe culture struggled tn ether arcane arts. returned te Dith by '_ '

were very interesting. It's believed that the survive in the blighted landscape and mysterieus inhabitants ef the Inst centinent ef
ca rliest ancesters ef creac hes and werrns ca me pelluted air, clinging tenacieusly te life. eking Egglantis during the Time ef the Flush and
areund abeut new. but that's net very eut an existence almest as lewly as the enhanced and refined by visiters frem Middle 1"

interesting either. Dh yeah, ynd the primer-:.iia| werms and creaches slewly Clith, made these adjustments censiderably- 3" I-1-
'I

iirimerdial Seep l'~‘l.il:El‘lIi'Tl was epened fer crawling their way te the tep.‘ less burdenserne fer seme. but mere difficult
business. It weuld be several millennia befere fer ethers. Much like teday, these that wielded
the first custemers arrived? magic used it te enslave and enthrall these
Yesteryear that did net. Te cembat the varieus.
The Heemanrace was gene and the planet hecus—pekers and smellcasters. cemmnn fell:
Way Back in the Day was destreyed but ripe fer the picking by anned themselves with swerds and n I
1‘

During this era, Clith was inhabited by these with the inclinatien and means te
F

pee-flingers and set nut in search ef ancient

gigantic creatures knewn as Big Ass eitpleit it. This era marks the rise ef eur lere and lest treasures. it new age ef
tvlensters- They were ultra teugh and kicked ancient predecessers. fiver a span ef adventure and eztplnratien arese. ushering
r

'
II

lets ef butt. l‘~lel:v.'itly knews eitactly Where gaeilliens ef millennia eur ferefathers and the medern era and the Rise ef the l.ewly. 1.
these beasts eriginated er why they all died feremethers evelved. develved. spawned and -'
.-'|- |_

eut, but the resulting arguments and debates begat. creating the aweserne assertment ef _il

have sent mere than ene wisenheimer te an beings that cu rrently reams the Clith. Recently
early grave, victim nf a cudgel wielded by a I ate a sandwich.*
differing epinien. 51.: re, religiens deveted tn .i_ -"1-I|1lII.'-. I-I ,r .1--l.Ir"u.-l.-__.I-lg, .- pl.__.-i_J-- a._'I_1'|llI ..|.A,..-._.._._ _.II-H. I. _r-I'—n—¢-*I.. b
the Big Ass lvlensters are almest as plentiful as
these dedicated te the Heemanrace, but as far
as is knewn, these were just really big
' . .
animals. sert ef like esephegaters and slegs. ,__.,._
.r-"anyway, they all died. j Days and rnc=_utht"- and crap like that I

Ir
E Remarkably, thanks te the archeelegical screungings ef the late Clfaltrteyer Fitstench, the 1,, “'4.
Back in the Day ancient cenventiens used eens age are still in place. The year is still divided inte 365 days, is
3. l
These were indeed the best ef times. it was ‘If there are still twelve nienths, each week still has seven days and each day is still 24 heurs. '
during this era that the l-leemanrace was bern t That's pretty unbelievably asteunding, censidering the intervening centuries ef calamity,
and lived. The werld was plunged inte an era .-L,
I:
-i but it is, nevertheless, the way it is.
ef peace and accer-:.l that lasted millennia.
Everynne was happy and everyene was E
l
Months e‘ the Year Days ca‘ the Week
everyene else’s friend. Feed and happiness
and technelegy were plentiful and war was a 1 Occuary 7 Scv-seuary ,Sj:s:ertl£1}" gcnrgstlay
thing unheard ef. Ii 'I‘wc~uary g Eight uary Mcettlay-' Frictl mg
'
It was during this era that the first eefes Tht‘~3i2UeJ'}-' 9 }~..tin:.tr:.inl'=er Tuber‘-t lay 3‘platt.:1t|ay -
came te Dith, but they kept pretty much te Fc_~uruary it} Tcntetnlacr Wcssday I
themselves. eccasienally pepping eut frc-m Fh-'-suary it E_]cvc,r.uec
behind a bush te prebe semebedy. but ;JI.
etherwise minding their ewn business. Se tee
SiKUaJ}" i2 Twntlv-:‘vei1ibct'
did the early cremefillians arise during this
11.:-‘Ir’ -- 1.'t'- "-l..'----' ....t"'I.-- '-I--tr"--u-l..'n-din-an-'-u-' -is- ‘ La" *- .4 "'-I -c I"h""I' rt-.n.-.--I-u H 1*-'-'-— 1--—u '\-*-'1"'§I:-&-'}I
«it l
j
era. victims ef cruel experiments by the
I-I- -r .1-I-1n|__ .r q,fi.I.;-u,,i-PuI_I_I_ ._,.g..a-_,_ --"'.9.-I-—"|r +_.-.-....—..I|i. _,-|__.-. --.I .-|_ .-I.n-I---'-r —q.. '_5I_Ii-
_
jg
unwitting l-leemanrace. -E‘-u..

indeed. the Heemanrace were peaceful and

happy. They were brilliant in their science and l
their technelegy was inspired and majestic. ii ‘feu can de it that way if yeu want. but there's really nething very regular abeut the big butt‘ -~...is.
but they were net a very wise penple. '
_ in the sky. It wavers erratically acress the celestial deme in a tandem and eccentric manner,
Eventually they grew bered ef peace and the =.' shewing its massive. pirnplecl cheeks clay er night er net at all accerding te its ewn agenda. '
Gelden age ef Frehistery carne te an end. .. Yep. the mean may ence have been a valuable teel fer celestial reckening. but new it's 7
1'.’
pretty much just a big cheesy rump. if yeu want te knew what day it is. buy a calendar.
The Time ef the flush n-"'--u’-'-! "- -II‘:-' ‘.i.-'-r-=1.-""-I -.-"1.-' Ir‘ '~.~:'-l-.a'-u‘ 4;-I .I"-I Pu--r r ,1-.I' '. '-..,.-1--gqli-.'.-' . .I-"5-—-in---|.__. *|I_,|—., Imp

Much has already been said regarding this g-new-n. . _.l-«.__ _,.I'lI _..I'5h __ _ ,-II_ ;|-1.. 1.‘ 1-1.. 'a-. —|vIIl.-n.. -n._.a___| _I-|'_ . 's- 'u_—l.- _ _i'fl_-I ,.__ _.'_-u-u.-.,_. _ -I H--_ "I.-u'|"'|t.
‘fili-

embarrassing era in C}ith's histery, an-:.l even

‘H

Dn a cernpletely unrelated nete, yeu may be wandering...

mere will be divulged in pages te ceme.
Til lillll. PEllPlE
‘P.

Suffice te say that just abeut every cataclysm. Wlllll’

calamity, and catastrephe that ceuld pessibly Threugheut this beek, the term heap is used te describe a greup ef player
sf-
happen te a planet happened te Dith. lvlest ef characters. Clccasienaily, phrases such as the herees er the perry may be used, but .i"...""
-
_'
.r
the creatures ef the planet, including the these are in ne way intended te indicate hereics en the part efthe heap, er te imply ',
I
- .
- 1-

; that any sert ef festivity is taking place. it

p

vaunted l-leemanr-ace. were destreyed and

the geegraphy ef the werld was irrevecably The Game Master is knewn as the Bees, because I said se. i
altered. Things get really messed up and the
planet is enly just new beginning tn recc-ver.
1.. -n. ;'r J.‘ Ii.--n-In H.‘ :.—- 1- In-..|.-....1p—-|,-il |.I'I..I '~.--r'-u--,q,_'-...-u.I"'-.;|."-l-I|I—- I.-——|' --I'll-Peril.-I '—-H." u-'5.-"Ii.-.p-.I'lvp... ',.'iI"'l'_..-i Pu--1. '--_"1‘I-'-ufi-I|l"I—-‘I

. _ as

l. [tr-'-:11 the pres it-us p.t_c,I.'1u.-1 tu t‘--nttise ‘.'I'-Lll "tn .11v."'.cI1t I |num.lnrac-.- I. n.-.1|nr I.l4.'1l‘-. cli.ir_e,c«.| '-‘-'llll m.tir1i.ii:1.ing |l'I1.‘l1ttj‘t[."lltI."-‘~I"l '.lv.- entities --l |!lt|.|L|]'L' ll is-aid that '-vllen Iluss l~l:~b rcignetl
In.-es and rleu-.|s and :1':uI.1I1taiI1.- u'1'I'e l1.1pp_'- amt there vrerc nu n1isl.1l..c- — unlj. l1..ipj:Iy little au.'ciu.|ents.
."_'. lliis ‘I-'r'..I.‘-l.!Il: lilllc culicvrn tn the prup1'|ctur.s. l'he_v had been tr.1iI1ed tt-l1.t1'n.lietl':i- s-.1I'I ul thing.
'
fl. Well. the -.-reruns al this pclint 1.-'eren't sun nuicli crrtvvlinjr, as they were slilhering. ll '-‘-'1.‘rL|lLl be ga;':illiuI'Is uI'niillenrIia b-etcrre vrerms develuped legs and u1lieL'.1ccuuI.rements ul cram.-vlitic"a
-l-. "t'irn.ntinee's Eiuuseburger E-.'uid1.-vlclt Recipe: E-lallter three picldetl sltig Iitlggets with Ii.'_iri.'r..c|ei.l GrLIlite's Did Fashienetl Iitncute and Fee Sauv_:e. tnp with an uld rag '
anti serve en ti l1v.'ra._c,j.' bun
with sliced enic-IL-s and circuspi nuts. Crunches e-.:=.t1stu1'te v.'ci.ri.'l - ‘-1.. .

-- :-
I‘,
H Sl't'lHll H5Sllll'l|lllEllll Ill‘ ll|.llES Hlllll lllllillllllllflllllllll I'll fill}
TIIE TllM'El.Ell llll lllfi ElIPl.lllIfll'llll'l5 ill’ l'llll'l'Ilfl llllll
lvlutha Dith has gone through a great many changes since the time of the I-loomanrace. Many of these changes
are geographical in nature. Dthers are a hit mo1'e profound. This section describes new rules and clarifications
specific to the Low Life setting.

Measurements and Distance (The Pathetic yet Majestic Tale of Yort and the Yortstiek)

The ancient standards and units used by the
p1'imeval Hoomanrace are obsolete, forgotten relics of
a bygone age. Years ago, seeing the need for a widely
accepted unit of size and distance, the High Exalted
Glorious lnfrizium of Knowledge in l"'~lew Dorlquar
held a most peculiar contest. News of the event was
spread far and wide {how far and how wide is open to
speculation since they did not yet have a means to
measure}, and soon challengers began to gather in the
streets of New Dorlq uar. According to the rules of the
competition, whichever contestant consumed the
most circuspi nuts without puking would be
appointed Carrier of the ".3" Stick. The ? would be
replaced with the winner's name and he or she would
henceforth be in charge of all units of weight and
measure until the end of time.
So it was written; so it was done...
To tnake a short story slightly shorter, it transpired
that the winner of the challenge posed by the High
Exalted Glorious Infrizium of Kitowledge was none
other than "fort, a young bodul from the South Side of
irtoozle. ‘fort was, and still is, a Fellow ofsimple means
and even simpler mind. He is a guy with amazingly
little imagination but with an amazingly huge ego, an
amazingly limited vocabulary, and an amazingly
prodigious appetite for circuspi nuts. Thus it became
that all units of measure and weight are called the
"yort”. in distance, one yort is about as broad as
‘r’ort’s shoulders {one Foot].
C.‘rne big yort is about the same as the distance from
New Clorlquar to the Ruins of Dld Dorlquar £5,230
yorts]. Cine little yort is about as long as ‘t’ort’s thumb
[one inch}. When measuring weight, one yort weighs
about as much as ‘r'ort’s left eyestallt [one pound}.
This can all get very confusing to someone who has
never seen ‘fort, which is why ‘fort, Carrier of the
‘fortstick, spends his days traveling from city to city,
town to town, village to village. and cave to cave
measuring things and marking them for all to see.
There it is, simple, yet hideously complex. ‘t’ort’s
system is weird, but it gets the job done, and isn*t that
what really matters in the end?

Holewarcl Sf Holewhence (Directions and the Eeister of Gawd)

To the sensibilities of most intelligent denizens of Clith, the Keister of Gawd is the geographic center of the
planet. To accommodate this belief, directions of any significant distance are qualified with the terms holeward,
meaning toward the Keister, and holewhence, describing a direction away from the Keister. For example, New
Cio1'lquar is about fifty big yorts holewhence from Ghupe, while Ghupe is about fifty big yorts holewa1'd from
New Clorlquar. Directions perpendicular or at an angle to the Keister are given based on other landmarks, such
as the moon ot' a specific mountain. The antiquated directions norf, south, east, and west are still in use, although
most beings consider it snooty to use them.
Df course, such directions are only useful if one knows where the Keister actually is. A device known as a lrcistcr
compass is extremely useful in this regard. It is able to detect the specific direction of the Keister relative to the
bearer. Keister compasses are pretty rare devices, and fetch a pretty clam when they can be found.

The Shape of Things

It's important to realize that lvlutha Ditlt is a really messed up place. The
planet has been victim to more cataclysms and calamities in the past eon or
two than a schnooble has butt hairs [that's a lot]. As a result, things aren't
always exactly how one might imagine they should be. Things that should
have rotted away or crumbled to dust centuries ago are still intact. Dbjects that
should be small, like shoes or lunchboxes, are instead as big as houses. lvlostly
these odd distortions of probability are limited to ancient things, st11ff that was
around before the Rise of the Lowly, but once in a while a being might stumble
across something modern that's similarly screwed up, like a pair of pants that
inexplicably no longer fit, a pile of poo that smells of baked bread, or a
ginormous oily boid hatching from a normal sized egg. These happenings are
often seen as omens by those sensitive to such things.
 ..-1'

'
_ ~=-'=‘~‘‘'''‘fi.~.‘''?£L
. _ 1 1:"-r _ .
-'-.._

uF“.'.-‘
1 '-_.:-.1-1-~—r---.-.. .--..-—--A

homcicr Creotio
1-1..‘ ,_.ulI__.-qui-r -... -.---J----—-r.--- s..I-1.1-..I—-.1-...n..yIn-..-u1.._q..,_,,..-11-:-.-e. --~...1.--:1-I-1-. s.-.--I-.1-1 I. -_1-1-s.I---1 11-1 -—-.-l"-—-I-I....'IIiIl-I1-i. ,1 .fl..iI-1.-1..

5
I
_-

ix’
.1-

1.

l
.11"

Who, What, Where, Why, When, oncl How on Oith .3‘-«re You?
,1-h_-1

'|I-r-.I.J

.-'- ' "" '1-I" '-

I r--.-- I ;|.--.'' '-'-I-u-‘I--i .|"""II._iII' I -IF“. 'I1.-'-I-I" |IF""'lIl.iIII'-' 1' IIII'--I|—p-I"—- ..-I1.‘ "-1_'I,.| 1'11-I-I‘ -I-quI"F "Hal. 'I- n.'_ 1-1.-r '1 li'.I1.I‘I-" "'*'hH'.'rq'F-| -'1-1-"ll -1...:-"II-I.-|II""' -i"'|.r I-'u-iI'1.I'I-' '-'-I-1-.—. .I' ‘-1’ III .1 'uIIur"II'.k. ‘ll I|rI—-|.r "H "'I'--

So, first you decide what kind of character you want to be. You can use the proceeding list as a guide or you can make something up yourself
Dnce you do that it's time to figure out your statistics. This section will guide your sorry ass through the process.‘
|‘Iu -1- II-1-|'_'1 '|. _I-II"-.._ I-1-__'1. JI- _II||'lI—.1I1..rIu. r-- ,1 IL...-' rI--u.- ,HI-I|'II _;.--iIl—1.'|._II-—-I--a--..-I‘-II-. I

* Traits
{Val-_'

Race -
: '
Everybody is something. Lore Life “Tl Clnce you've chosen a race it becomes time to select your character's attributes and
presents many possible character races skills. Unless otherwise stated in a racial description, your character begins with a dd. in 1;”1i-ri-3' .-rl

from which you may choose. Go ahead each of its five attributes: Agility, Smarts, Spirit, Strength, and Vigor. The creators have
and read through the races o11 the . then gifted you with an additional 5 points to distribute among them as you choose.
following pages and choose one now. Raising an attribute a die type costs one point, and no attribute may be raised above a dll --.«
Keep in mind that the racial descriptions {unless otherwise stated in the racial description). s-=
'
are indicative of the typical member of CIIith’s bounty just keeps on providing. This time it's in the form of 15 points with which
that race. Don't get pissed off if you , you may purchase and raise your skills. To raise a skill by a die type costs 1 point as long
someday meet an erstwhile cremefillian
L ,- as it's no higher than its linked attribute. It costs 2 points per die type to raise a skill over
who worships the l-loomanrace or a -1.
its linked attribute. 1-e1. -air‘-.i1
.
croach who is allergic to poop. #' I1-r1fe-|-'I''' -‘.1-I1-.-I""|. -.1-'_._,_'II1-u '1-—" '----..-- --1.--'.'-ill’-1|.-11-1-"-II-IE--i-'11-'l""':' "1-1'I111l'-Ii""i‘.l.2I.p-III-'-.r'-1 - '—'.-"wu. -
'-
If you know what's good for you, -'1-.-—r.-— - --. .--—-.1_ .1--.-II.-:'_I-I1 .- .1 ,4 _=-. _---.1»...
you'll read through all of the races, since Skifls
many of them might contain clues about The following skills are available in f_.t1tltt1 L1]'i1: tioaciiig. Cliiiilaiug. l:}l'l'.'lI‘1g, Figliring,
the back story of Late Life and the history I _ _ II]-an1b|ing_ Cittts, l-lcaliug, l11u'n1iclation, lnirestigation. l~ino1.1.-‘ledge. l.ockpickiI1g,, blotice, Petstiasitin, __-

of Ditl1. 3, litepsir. liticling. Shooiitig. Stealtli, Scrcetvrisc, Suryiyal, Swi:n.mi|1g, 'l':u1I1t, Tlirowing. s11d'l'|::1ckiI1g. __

1r'1.1'. uIr-. 1- 1_
IN..." '1. '.;-—..r
. . - .-' L gI""'-.

12
'r.I_H' 1-:-|.:rq..___,a. .1 u...- ..:.-|.,...._ . us...-.|.__.._,_ --..--I-.-I. .e-"1-lI:- —- ' 1.. .-.-..,1. _.d-I—- _,..__ --rt. .+' 1.. 1-.1-1-—--t -I-I .-—-1.-_1.-._'nf._,.1
-. T

languages :" Secondary Statistics Special Abilities

Clith. being the huge place that it is. is Charisma describes how likeabte your Now it's time to decide it you want
home to a massive variety of languages. " .1-. *"—.-"1
character is. it's added to Persuasion and .- 1* any Hindrances It so, you may use the.
dialects. and vernacutars. By far the most - Streetwise rolls. ‘four Charisma modifier points from them to gain the benefits
widespread language is the "ordinary is H] unless modified by Edges or below, You may take one tvtajor
tongue." an almost universal trade _: Hindrances- r-.'E1.-1i-HI:- Hindrance {worth 2 points] and up to
language spoken since the time of the 1-. -. two tviinor l-tindrances {worth '1 each}.
Hoontanrace. all player characters are face is E." for most characters, but can
assumed to have a dti in Knowledge be altered by Edges and Hindrances. J_|.—-‘luau For 2 Hinclrance Points you can:
{Drttinary Tongue}, and can speak, read a. Raise an attribute one die type.
and write the langu-.1ge [unless they have 1-._
a Choose an Edge.
ferry is equal to It plus half your
the illiterate Hind rance}. Either popular
Fighting.
languages include Aggoggian, Pewk, .—1-. -HI:
For 1 Hindrsnce ]§'oir1t_you can:
jive, Ebonics, Scat, Stanular, Ewgianese.
m Gain another skill point.
Cruttermouth, Tweenk, E-orlo, Poorly
a Double the amount of clams your
Dubbed Japanese, and Esperonto. -I5
character starts with.
_i
+1:--'-.nIr.P ‘ll-""l-..uI-' 11-‘I.-1.-1-' ‘ 11'-+ II-F" r.i"-' '|-1""!-"l-"' 1.-.1 u---..-'-. tr u_1u-- -. -- -|.f' r"-'|' I -in.-I-----1.; ‘Ii!’

"!"F"-"U'1- FL! ,..'|-It-1. ''--...-...''.;'| .—I-..a-_1.,_. rah? :.q_..—p..__'I.qI"..|-|.__ ,_ _p__- r___..p.,_,a|.___,d-—-Ira.-...|..--.1- -. girl.--1.1-1.|I_._ _

Stuff
ti.

Background
‘r'1l'e’re not going to send you out into the world naked and Your character came from somewhere. didn’t it? This is the
unarmed {although you can be naked if you want to]. Your part where you come up with an interesting and creative back - __
__-_|.'_

gut

character begins play with Still clams with which to trade for story. where does your character come from? What are its ._
-1; _
. ,__

supplies, clothing, food, and weapons} Spend t|1ern wisely. motivations? Wliy does it do what it does? Who loves it and who
PH
--
iI5. —. . d—

grasshopper. -'.
does it love? What, so to speak, makes it tick? _..; .'F'
-1.

'| _ ..
__h__..u.-|, ‘
.]|I|._ ‘I.
Lit. iii:-"Ill--I""r'\I' 'lI'.I' .-I' "' '1'-' l _- .I|' '1-F1-uI—' .. I" I‘! '*'\—"l-"F— -—| P‘.
" '
"P '1-J"-u H-I .i—I,'nI|"
'
.1-:.-‘ ‘I--I

That's it. you're the.

I. t.'oI11.'enIu.'r11|'-.'. tl1eI'e's .1 .l1.1r.11.'ter -.E1eet :11’! h,I.i-'.t- 3 .111 -.1.'|1tch -.1111 c.1r1 11.-c.11'd titi-. stull. "1111: c.1I1 .1l-11 get o:‘.e |I'11I11 t|1e otti~.'I.1.l 1.1.'eL1sit.- .1t 11. -.~.'11'.is-lutl1.tl.'lit|1.coI11.
._.
‘I
t'.'|.1n1" I‘-1 s: 111 not .1 gr.-11eI1c terr11 tl1.1t .1ppl1es to .1111.‘ cr.1pp1.' illtle piece or itlnk I|1.1t I|1e pe-.1p.'e ol 1 ‘-'ith use 1-.11‘ trade til course ':itr|'|'|t_' 1.'|.1111.-' .11'e useiul 111 .1'.1d oi t|1en1se|1'es'. such .1.s .1 petrtlled
.'l1uI1k oi e.1r11'.1'-.' 1|1.1t :111_e,E1.'I 111.1l~.e .1 _e_.1od sliI1gsl1-.11 t'IuE|e1 or .1 po|1s|1ed i1o:1e 11'1th 11.'i11c|1 one :111;_'.h: s-.'I'.1t1.'l1 |1e'-1'u111p. .*‘t tj.'p1c.1| ct.1I11 1111gh'I be .1 i‘-1i:ttoI1. .1 .‘-l‘Iltl_‘.' I'oct.. 1l1e su.'.1te11t some 111-:111.1-'-ter, .1
L1i1.*.1|1.'r- I111-||1I~1!-.1. .111 oln.ts111.'t-. or |ust .1l'-1 -11t .1111'i|1i11g else. i"1.'.1t1I r'.1||_1.. 1-.1|=.Ie t'-eit1_1.; I'e'..1tiret-1dr-:na11d. and t|1e |.1.1rter s_1.'st-.-I11 beiI1;.1, .1 t11.'i1.lL*t1'Il:*-itt'1."1'-1, one I1:-1.lLI|'str.1s|1 is .111-~t|1u.-r's tre.1-1ure. '['|1erei'ore, ,
it's .1 _.;.1ou.i ide.- tn c.1I1'1.' .1 1.1t".etj. 1-I .ti|1eI'eI1r c|.1111s I11 meet ll‘-I.' -.iet11.1r1u.|s -II the 1.1I'io:ts}1ec|1.|t1.'r11eisters.1:1.d :iI1it'k1' -|:1-1pl~.-.11.-|.'Ir-r-.th.1t1rr1e't1.1'. 1.|ob'.Isiness 1.1-ah 111 tl"It'-.1.‘-till"--.'IIi .111 .1u.i1-'enlur'e.
Eh ill‘-'|t.lilI'|'I. tel I1siI11'.-r1I.1r_1.' !l1e-.'|.1I11s.1r|~. ol|L.1oI'.1I11.'et|1et-Ilot|LIe11t.II'.11'etingh.1n1and.11.|'.-'eI1ttII'e1'-i-'11ir|i:1gt'-.In.l-.the1.|ur'.1bie1'-.'!1'eIt|.1p-.111.|geI1tl1. ~.|11n1pirI;.1, 1he ror1ter1I-1 on .1 |'|.1tte'ned
to.1.|s'to11| |.‘]'1.'[.".t|'-.'-1.i tort|1euu.'c.1sio:1_.1-1'etitI.d the |o|i1-11':I1g 1.-bio-.'t-'-: t|1:I't1' -e1'eI1 1.1ri1.11e1i'.'ctI|11:'e1.l bit-ol _1.'.1rn .1.111| strung. I-1LII'te1.-I1111-|1sl1e.i teeth -.-I s11-pici11u-1|i11e.1g.-.1.-lr-1'1-r1 11111:-1|-.'I1 '!11:ttt1I1s'. 1-e1.'e11
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 ww was
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Tée Pearle a(
The world of Ditlt is populated by a whole Booty Hunter: These guys are all about
sh’load of distinct and unique individuals. collecting rewards by
Despite personal differences and diversities a escaped criminals and ether unsavory sorts.
great number of organisms choose to follow a 'Whenever a wealthy peddlemeister needs
similar occupation or path Ihrough life. The stolen goods recovered or a laslunaster needs
following list describes a small sampling of to find a 1'unaway slave you can usually find a
such careers and professions. horde of booty hunters in hot pursuit. l."vlEIny
"I-. booty hunters have a keen sense of individual
style, often displaying a personal trademark
such as an unusual weapon, a signature
toothy grin, or an old battered hat.
Craftsbeirtg: Also called Pvlakers, Crafts-
beings are skilled laborers of some sort. They
build stuff, fir: stuff, take stuff apart, rebuild
sniff and generally do useful things. bleed a
slog sled built? Go to a lvlaker. Walma have
some armor made? Ask a craftsbeing. Makers
usually specialize in a particular craft or trade,
such as vveaponsmithing. basket weaving,
instrument crafting, grog brewing or making
potholders, lanyards and key chains out of
common household items.
Gadabout: The Dith is a really freakin’ huge
place, far bigger than most of its inhabitants
could possibly imagine. Beyond the frontiers
lie wildernesses untamed, majestic civili-
zations unmet, st1'ange and bizarre creatures
unrecorded, mystic treasures unfound, ancient
ruins undiscovered, new enemies undefeated
and new friends unbefriended. Gadabouts are
explorers and vagabonds, traveling the Ditli,
mapping places, discovering stuff and
claiming things in the name of so-and-so.
Gangsta: These types are basically career
criminals. They have chosen a life of banditry,
villainy and vice. All sorts of gangstas exist,
froln Ihe miserable pocket pilferer who stole
your bag of pickled slog nuggets to the master
L.-.
Goon: Goons -are hired thugs and bullies.
___.|_ __ _..... . ..n_ .
I -‘t« .m t-*taI1'ip!i-. -.-'-;.11:1II1c lll-_' ta-e oi -.1.-|vL‘~:I'.1ti..*i.l g.11'ig-t.1 ."~li.-rl~.lii:t the ‘*~l'.n.":1. l'|iis .=11'_.'.-li.-I'i-rtls r'I;.uI1'-J -l1.n ed l|'ivlte.it|s.1ntl L1-nlivsnlll'n.'l1ir-vutv.1:'.-.l Ila-rIt|i~tI'il1u1-.-tl1l'.-.'c|lppiI1g- .-.I1t-:1I'i-,',tl'.».-
it-ili-..1||I. c|1.1l|eI1::vi.| '|'|ii- is in-I the sort-.11ltuiI'Ith----li-.-|'ois1:It-Iwi1i~.'|'i|-.'gt-I'n.l:- are :11.1de ‘-'~tLI|‘it| lc:—lvr1i.!:~, but lt'r.'a'ntl:- ttoiicllit-|t'~o-.
F
1 l:'.~tacL|'- '-~.'|1.1t a ' liocu.-1" is. ani.| '.-.'l1_‘»' 1l1vs4.' sari".-= 'r3.uar-:«uI1+.l |-?"~l-.inJ-'. them is a11_‘»‘lHit|1-"" RII-.-as
16 Eerie Eutgobbler. the famous ham from floor. "rs rumored to he the long lost -nephew l.'I'FCE removed of flslpoumtler Eavelbar-ger, Supreme Bad Ass of Agog:
H.
Mutfia Ditfi
fat curdler stealing priceless artifacts from the
catching villains, temple reliquary. Gangstas often have their
own slang, a language or dialect all their own
that nobody really understands and usually
changes every day or two. Clccasionally a
gangsta earns or is granted a cult following.
sort of a local lege ndry sort of thing that raises
him to the level of a hero in the eyes of the
common people. Such gangstas usually steal
from somebody the villagers don't like, like a
corrupt hoink or domineering pecldlen-ieister.'
Goon: Goons are hired thugs and bullies.
They hurt people for money. lvlost of them are
just trying to compensate for something, but
its best not to tell them that to their faces.
Ham: Life really sucks for a lot of people.
The average p-3.-ed—on leads a life of drudgery
and misery with very little in the way ofjoy or
happiness. It's a fine day indeed when a
wandering ham comes to town to sing songs,
walk on stilts, juggle stuff and otherwise
entertain the masses. 1-Iams are actors,
singers, minstrels and other generally
"musical" types. They like lots of attention.
Hocus Poker: Skilled in magic and the use
of arcane wonders, hocus pokers are the
wizards and sorc.erers of Dith. Ftlthougli most
hocus pokers use their powers judiciously,
they are often looked upon with awe by lesser
beings, prompting some to acts of cruelty and
subjugation. Because of this reputation, hocus
pokers are simultaneously feared and revered
by the superstitious masses}
Hoink: l-loinlcs are the various militia,
watchmen, and posses charged by rulers or
hired by townsfolk to maintain order and
curtail villainy and crime. It hoink is
endowed with certain judiciary powers
depending on the location or populace that he
represents. Most of these are pretty boring,
but among the more interesting are the rights
to apprehend and imprison suspects,
investigate crimes. get free stuff from local
peddlemeisters, and sometimes even perform
executions (usually under the supervision of a
wisenheimer}.
Holy Roller: Holy rollers are priests and
other clergy dedicated to the tenets and ideals
of one religion or another. They can often be
found in temples and other places of worship,
preaching to the masses and tending to the
' ‘I.
a
spiritual needs of their congregations.
Traveling holy rollers are usually out in
search of converts, relics, sinners, and the like.
Many holy rollers are granted magical
abilities through the power of their faith that
allow them to heal the sick, feed the hungry,
smite the unbelieving, and generally do
whatever it is that their religion espouses.
Lashmaster: Slavery, whether legal or not,
is a widespread phenomenon across most of
the Ctith. Let's face it, palaces and monuments
aren't going to build themselves and peed—ons
can get pretty expensive. A lashrnaster, part
thug and part motivational speaker, is a
skilled handler, purveyor, and overseer of
slaves and other such laborers, servants, and
un fortu nates.
Dbsessed: The Obsessed are fanatics so
dedicated to a particular cause that they
become blinded to pretty much everything
else. at cremefillian committed to destroying
all artifacts of the Hoomanrace might be one
of the Clbsessed, as might an oofo intently
focused on finding an ancient relic of his
ancestors and flying off into space. Such
beings can be extremely dangerous, as they
will stop at nothing to accomplish their goals.
Dldster: The ruins of ancient civilirzations
are pretty thick on the ground. Most of them
are too destroyed to learn anything of use
I‘-rom them, but occasionally artifacts, relics,
and other historical objects are uncovered.
Clltlsters are collectors and studiers of such
things. They work closely with historians and
gadabouts to form museums and reliquaries
dedicated to the study and discovery of these
valuable remnants of ancient societies. lviost
prised, of course, are relics of the Hooman—
race, many of which can be found under
guard at the lvluseum of Antiquities and
C‘-lbscurities in New Elorlquar.
Peddlemeister: These guys are merchants,
shopkeepers and other purveyors of goods
and services. Many of them travel the world
in search of new markets and new materials,
encountering adventure and danger along the
way. Since currency on Clitlt is mostly a thing
of the past, peddlemeisters are often skilled
barterers, fences, and appraisers.
Peed-on: Somebody has to do the crap
work. F'eed—ons are unskilled laborers,
migrant workers, nameless minions, and the
like. They are basically the under appreciated
and often ignored masses, the unsung
clrudges, toilers and field hands. l3'eed—ons do
the work that nobody else wants to do.
Pimp: Pimps are mack daddies and mack
mommies, pandering their harems and
stables to the lonely, the desperate, and the
horny. A good pimp is half lashmaster,
half peddlemeister, half slickster
and half ham, with an attitude
big enough to accommodate
all four halves.
Price-o-corn: hlobody knows where this
term comes from, but it is used to describe all
manner of pirates and booty—thieves. These
people travel the oceans and waterways of the
world, stealing stuff, sinking boats, getting
drunk, wenching wenches and generally
causing a ruckus. Price—o—corns are not
welcome in most societies, but several island
cities make a good trade in catering to their
whims and needs. P'rice—o—com fashion is
often a bit gaudier and more flamboyant than
that worn by most other people [except
pimps, of course}, with eye patches, floppy
hats, and really big boots being very popular.
Slave: Whenever thcre’s a social totem pole
somebody has to be on the bottom. Slaves are
the lucky bastards that get to fill this niche. I-'l._,
slave is considered to be the property of its
owner, and as such the owner has complete
authority over the life of his slave. Being a
--=::-_
"rfi‘,',],',--.._

slave pretty much sucks. Clccasien-ally a slave
gets lucky and lands a jeh teaching the larvae
er setting the dinner table. but a great many ef
_ them are ferced te dc: carapace~sp|itting
"*-I'nanua| Iah-er. building menuments, palaces
and the like.
E‘-lickster: Alse knewn as smeevesters.
these guys really knew hew te pull ene ever
an yeu. They will start up a seemingly
innucueus cenversatien and the next thing
yeu knew they're walking away wearing yeur
pants. Masters ef the cen, the swindle. the
grift. the cheat. the fraud. the racket. the heas.
the deceptien and the rip eff. slicksters are
tricky in the extreme. always scheming
:1’ schemes and pletting plets. They differ frem
_- -
gangstas in that they are net generally vielent
pecnple, preferring te take what they want
threugh uutwittery. rather than thuggery.
...-I''''' Emellcaster: Emeilcasters are able te
ccraiesce and refine the mystic vapers. breaths.
12 T_i'|e._f_’_i:_: i_~_"ii:g_I'g'i_aI1i.I-'r=. I iiatei re the city at iclast. is named fur a ancient civilization rurrc-recl tcl Ii--E last somewhere hhieniience at The Incredibly Huge l-'.ncIn*.»'.tI.-.r_'_f.'_'.' -
. - L
I-
'1-
gasses and fumes that ceurse threugh all
living {and seme dead} heings. creating patent
and magically viable reeks. stinks. stenches.
scents and eders. Such smells can have a
prefeund and eften hiaarre effect an these
whe catch a whiff ef them. Net surprisingly.
smelves make excellent smellcasters.
Sneet: Sneets are the upper crust ef seclety.
They are H‘lE snehhy nehles, irnperieus kings.
gallant aristncrats, and demineering lerds ef
C‘-*ith.
Taletallcer: In a werld hleated with
illiteracy and ignerance histeries and legends
are eften passed threugh the. generatiens in
the term ef epic tales and speken verse. ‘these
skilled in the telling ef such tales are knewn.
uncreatively, as Talkers ef Tales. er Tattlers.
Talkers are great sterytellers and eraters.
They have -a vast reperteire ef steries. myths.
epics. anecdetes. preverhs, sagas. and fables
with which they entertain. edify. and educate
t-Inrus Mtirus, The Illing nf the 1”Zhe1ig, hnicis
cnurt- I.-it: Il.'.h,irc and Rnyni i:l-cnJyg1,:ard Hc.-efee
thi.: Cleh, i-Inrus ivlnrus {seats-d‘]., anti i-'rup:.-c- Ila.-
"|'|.tn1, Cnurt Magiciaii.
die pepulace. uften in exchange fer feed.
supplies. and treasures.
Weirdcu: Weirdes are arcane practitleners
skilled at harnessing the eldritch energies ef
the Clith and refecusing them lnte ebiects.
weapens, and the like. Just abeut anything
can he created. frem enchanted swerds that
pimp slap their targets te magic sacks that
never fall dawn.
Wisenheimer: Wlsenheimers are traveling
smart peeple. They wander the werld
dispensing wisdem. thinking deep theughts.
selving pruhlerns. philesephiaing philese—
phies. adjudicating disputes. and generally
shewing eff hew smart they are. lvlest
wisenheimers delight in riddles. werd games.
lung divisien and espeusing the virtues ef this
er that. Cemmen peeple are generally very
respectful ef wisenheimers and treat them
with reverence and admiratien.
3.
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 Beingg ex’
’Dubi-pug Lineage

"live beduls are the bastard effspring ef a hiilien

calamities. We have survived the tragedies that
killed eur ancesters and emerged frem the rubble
stranger and wiser than ever befere. We kick ass!"
-The Face Merchant

Te attempt te physically describe a bedul is te invite cerebral

hemerrhage. Such an abundance and diversity ef ferms and shapes
exist as te make any effert at classificatien as difficult and fruitless as
crapping glass pineapples. lvlest ef them have a generally bipedal
figure, and faces and arms are quite cemmen, but that's aheut all ene
can say tn draw similarity between their metley selves. Let's face it,
they are all screwed up. A child may leek nething at all like its parents-
Seme becluls have numernus arms, seme have their faces en
upsicle—dewn. Must have leng, dreeping ears, but even that is an
evergeneraliaatien. Regardless ef their persenal ferm, very few beduls
hear much resemblance te their Heemanrace ancesters, net that
anyene knews esactl y what they leekecl like. Sexy buggers...

Serappin'
Heduls, in general, are net a warlike er esceptienally vielent peeple.
Sure, the eccasienal hreublemaker lurks in the shadews te spell the
geed name fer everyene, but fer the mest part a bedul is centent te
mind his ewn business. If his ewn business is threatened, he'll mest
likely switch te asskicking made, but whe weuldn’t?

Aleng With flthers

as t -*- mest abundant intelligent life ferm en Dith, bedul
Getting
cnmmunities span the glebe. They usually play well with ethers,
althuugh cremefillians eften resent their lineage and treat them
accerdingly. Dccasienally their diverse appearances cause them te he
mislatleled as tisn’ts er eefes, but they knew better. Defes are the
ancesters ef vlsiters frem ether werlds and tisn’ts are a hedgeupedge
ef varieus ancient critters.

Bedul Names
L lieduls are a preucl peeple, and their names eften reflect it. Given te
~:'The Lew Dewn majestic, ef-ten pempeus titles, such as The Face lvlerchant, Huthu the
Eeduls are a peeple lest in paredy and pa rades. Indeed, ef all the lvleidiliser, and Grethe E3eed—te—de—business~wlth. Yeur typical bedul,
races ef Clith nene are as universally mecked, net as universally if any bedul can be said te be typical, likes te say what he clues in his
venerated as the leathsenle yet mighty bedul. "t’eu see, heduls are the name.
cerrupted uffspring rat the ancient Heemanrace, gaeilliens ef
generatiens remeved. Back in the day, their ancesters ruled Clitlt; new Racial Edges and Hinclranees
they are warped and mutated heyend any semblance ei their iermer
majesty. Uh well, what can yeu de?
The centuries ei eitpc-sure te nukular radiatien, tcntic chemicals, E Clever: fiidaptive and intelligent, beduls gain a +2 henus te any
cesrnic crap, and whatnet had a prefeund effect en their arlcesters. The ene iilnewledge skill.
Heemanrace is extinct, but beduls remain te centinue its legacy. They
are twisted, deferrned, hastardised, and hybrid iaed versiens ef their 9 Strange: Beduls may take as many Backgreund Edges as they
ancient relatiens, barely distinguishable as such, but such nenetheless. like when creating a character, prevlded they pay fer them with the
lviany dispute the truth ef their lineage, citing their inheernan preper ameunt ef Hinclrances.
appearance, but they knew better. The head chef at the Primerdial
Eieup Kitchen put special in their batter, and the secret
semethjlng
ingredient wasn‘t eregane. E freed Heritage: Beduls begin with a de Spirit instead ef the
usual d4, due te their preud Heemanrace ancestry.
Tl'1I="_,-_.'i'ir5t rrayer of Deep. 3 bedul named Etelygarneus Ecrarr. had 3.542 elves. l think that‘: a retard but I"I'rI
net-Ensure.
—.—-q.-- ‘F
 Who Twaankg
Will.
"The partially hydrogenated animal and/or vegetable
shortening of gawds flows through my veins!"
-I-Iorus Morus, Ding of the Dong

The Low Down

In any discussion regarding which of Dith's inhabitants is the most
bizarre, the strange and spongy cremefillians invariably take the
metaphorical cake. stdmittedly, everyone on Dith is pretty screwed
up, but what can compare to a giant talking pastry with a battle axe
and a vendetta? Not much, that's what.
The cremefillians are a proud and spirited people, the last survivors
of a cruel and horrific legacy. According to legend, the earliest
ancestors of these mighty beings were simple life forms devoid of
mind or character, fit only to satisfy the nutritive urges of the ancient
Hoomanrace. These primordial ‘fillians were created and raised in
massive factories of steel and stone, subjected to countless
humiliations and miseries, injected with cruel potions and entombed
in hermetic coffins before finally being sold and consumed. A pitiful
semblance of life at best, but the Hoomanrace knew no better. it would
take a catastrophe to teach them the error of their conduct, but bv then
the age of the Hoomanrace was coming to an end and a new efa was
on the rise.
The nukular wars that ravaged ancient Dith brought with them
immense clouds of radioactive steam and other assorted nastinesses.
The seas boiled, froze, and then boiled again. The skies rained fire and
the land belched poison. Thus was created an environment completely
unsuitable for the continued existence of the Hoomanrace, but a
perfect concoction to spur the progression of the cremefillians. You Cremefillian Names
see, cremefillians, or "tweenks” as they are l-cnown colloquially, thrive Tweenk names tend to be a bit on the childish side, with monikers
on all manner of toxins, poisons, and radiations. lxlot only do such such as Wee Wee, Dodo, and Ling Long being popular. When a
things fail to harm these I'esilient beings, indeed they are the very cremefillian reaches a certain age. it sheds its infantile name and
things that brought them sapience. Clver the eons and millennia since
'
adopts a pretentious title, such as "Crandel Creampuff, Crusher gf
The Flush the 'fi|Iians have absorbed and retained an enormous Crania” or "Cay-‘n Cupquake". .,,,__Lfl_
quantity of pollutants and contaminants. These corruptions have
conspired with the indigenous toxins in a tweenk's body to produce a
being of intelligence and extreme longevity. Indeed, 'fillians are Raoial Edges and Hindranoes
among the longest—lived of all Clitl1's creatures. No known toxin or
disease seems to affect them, and their foul taste and noxious taint E Foul Taste: The toxins and pollutants absorbed by the spongy
makes them unpalatable to all but the Inost desperate of predators. flesh of c1'emefillians makes them particularly unpalatable. A creature
that bites a cremefillian must make a Vigor roll to avoid being Shaken.-
Sorappin" A penalty equal to the number of wounds inflicted by the bite is
Cremefillians have a proud and resilient history of organised crime applied to this roll.
and thuggery. A great many tweenlcs are of a violent bent, although
this is by no means a universal or ubiquitous trend. 3 Tweenl-ting: For some reason, perhaps due to their strange
body structure, cremefillians are able to carry a great deal more gear . _-I
Gef_tin3 filong With flthers and supplies than their Strength would suggest. They can carry an
Not surprisingly, tales of the cruel treatment suffered by the additional three times their Strength in yorts without penalty.
primordial twoenks at the hands of the ancient Hoomanrace inspire Additionally, tweenks ignore minimum strength requirements for all
many mode1'n ’fi|lians to a deep hatred and abhorrence of all remnants hand weapons.
of that archaic culture. blot all tweenks are of this bent. but
anti-Hoomanrace sentiment flows through the veins of most '3 Sponfly flesh: Cremefillians have 1 point of natural armor due
cremefillians like so much partially hydrogenated animal and} or to their spongy or dense. crusty flesh. This feature also makes them
vegetable shortening. immune to all natural poisons, toxins, and radioactive emmissions.

r i

Even though -rrentatillisns 'l.a'r'."'c'-1 foul, rraarher. can eat t|':¢_1'r-S--uilth no ill eff
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 Cchglncapoli-l-.ar-.
Cppreplxage.

“We ereaches are a fascinating peeple.

fer eens we lived eff the refuse ef ethers and we
learned te like it. New the feet is en the ether
shee. I mean the shee is en the ether feet.
Or semething like that..."
-Bernizedd the Enplumpinated

Despite their generally cesmepelitan lifestyles, many creaches

cheese te fellew the path ef the wandering adventurer. A vagarieus
eszistence appeals te their inquisitive sensibilities and the treasures and
eszcitement such a life afferds draw a great number ef creaches frem a
mere citified reutine.
The wendreus secrets unveiled by the arcane and mystical arts lead
a great many creaches te beceme hely rellers er hecus pekers. The
thirst fer such knewledge is net unique te creaches, ef ceurse, but
creaches are perhaps secend enly te werms in the ferver and diversity
ef their pursuits.

Serappin‘
Every creach is an individual. Seme are vielent and evil, ethers are
peaceful and hippielicieus. Cine thing that can be said is that creaches
are, in general, pretty decent fighters, since their multiple arms allew
them te wield several weapens at ence. This alse makes them pretty
decent levers, if yeu catch my drift.

Getting {sleep with flthers

ln general, they de. Semetimes dtey den’l'. It just depends en the
individual.

The Lew Elewn Creaeh Names

Despite their heritage as the descendants ef seme ef the must hated There really isn't much cenventien te the way creaches name their
and reviled beings frem the ancient days ef Dith, creaches have risen larvae. Seme cheese wimpy little names, like iitig er Willis. ethers ept
te a pesitien ameng i.'Jith’s mest neble and vital denizens. Net unlike fer mere petent appellatiens, like Kriminy l-leeaafat er Lictitieus
the ence-lewly werms, they have emerged frem the filth and ruin ef tlurglemeister. It pretty much just depends en hew weird yeur parents
shattered civilisatiens te attain a majesty and vibrance undreamed by are.
their miserable ancesters.
Creaches are incredibly adaptive and can be feund almest
=-panywhere. Seme enjey pesitiens el high pewer, such as Eernieedd the Racist Edges and I-Iindrsnc.-es
Ertplumpinated, Bess ef New Derlquar, and Sultan Pepper, Severeign
lvlenarclt ef That Cine Place with All the Sand. Ctthers maintain their E fintennee: Creuches are able te use their antennae te help them
place among the lewiy, like the welH<;.'newn but inept muggerThugs|y get areund in the dark. Penalties fer bad lighting are halved {re1u1d
. ‘the Crunch, and the wandering hermit Greeble the Gripe, By and
1-1:. dewn).
I-‘
.large, creaches are industrieus and eager peeple, perpetually seeking
_
te better themselves and te build a better life fer their larva.
I“-lc-t enly are creaches secially adaptive, they are alse ameng the Q Crunchy Shell: A creach‘s thick eiteskeleten gives him a +1
If
mest resilient and gristly ef Dith's denizens. Their teugh eiteskeletens Teughness benus. They melt in yeur mettth, net in yeur hand.
Jawvide them with natural armer and their extremely efficient
__: digestive systems aliew thern te derive sustenance frem just abeut '3 Multiple Limbs: lvlest creaches have feur arms and twe legs.
a.nj,Ftl1ing. Fer seme reasen, creaches are extremely fend ef the feces ef A creach may attack with a weapen in each hand, altheugh the nermal
-. ‘I

"1':, ether creatures, censidering it a delicacy te be savered. Taverns and
restaurants werldwide cater te this engressment, which deesrft much
bether the ether resident beings, censidering what a crap hele the rest
ef the planet is. hlething wreng with a little pee new and then, I never
multi-actien penalties apply. Seme creaches, hewever, are bern with
enly twe arms. Such creaches may cheese ene free Edge.
'3 Gullet cif Steel: Creaches are able te digest and derive
nutritive sustenance frem any nen-peiseneus erganic matter.

(reaches came in -a huge v'a'r;_i_ety:E.-at‘ sites. Sen-is are enly a yert er twe tall, but rnest are about Five er si:I_,_
W
’rl\E. Shel-.3ebliI\

"Yeu might, think he's the Beegie Man, but he's snet."
-Seme guy whe thinks he's funny (but he's ne[)

The Lew Dewn

Vile and ugly, hercs are cruel and bellicese badasses whe came te
Clith frem the lands ef lvliddle Dith during the Time ef the Plush. These
warlike savages excel at vielence and pillage, censidering all ether
creatures as fedder fer hercish larders and slave pens. Generally
feared and despised by the ether denizens ef Clith, hercs are the swern
enelnies ef the smelves, their ancient adversaries even befere The
Flush.
Great dripping strands ef phlegm-like mucus cever a herc’s
muscular frame, lending him the appearance ef semethin g plucked
frem the nese ef seine gigantic beast. His peinty head is aderned by
twe curved herns and his eezing carcass is usually centained within
filthy plates ef armer and decerated with the griaaly trephies ef past
victeries.
The supreme embediment ef hercish values are a greup ef acalets
knewn as the Beegie Knight's. These warriers travel Ivtetha Uith.
spreading vielence, ruckus, and ether hercish ideals wherever they ge.
l‘~.lebedy much cares fer the E‘.-eegie Knights, and with geed reasen:
they really kind ef suck.
Cine interesting, and censiderably disgusting, talent pessessed by all
hercs is knewn as gnrgitatfeii. A gurgitating herc may swallew a
quantity ef material and then herc it up at a later time. Hercs are
knewn te stere e:r.:l'ra weapens, clams, feed, and just about anything
else in their gullets fer later use. [if ceurse, whatever is swallewed
cemes back up cevered in disgusting slime, but that is ef little
censequence te a herc.

Scrappin"
Altheugh hercs rarely pursue the arts ef hecus pekery and ether
arcane practices, they kick butt with weapens ef all serts. l'*~Jething
makes a herc happier than lepping the schnea frem a smelf’s face with
a barbed machete er gathering ingredients fer a delicieus srnelf tartar
with a razer edged battle speen. Yes indeed, hercs de leve their
weapenry, and mest ef them carry a small arsenal er twe wherever
they ge. Hercs are all abeut the buttkicking.
Getting fileng with flthers
In general, they den’t. Df ceurse, the evil nature ef hercs is mere a
guideline than a rule. As with all bread statements. there are
esceptiens. l-l_is|:ery is replete with tales ef hercs whe have fersakcn
their vile reputatiens te beceme herees and adventurers ef renewn.
Seine have even gene se far as te befriend their ancestral smeiven
enemies and jein in arms against their fellew hercs. Such aberratiens
are rare, but they de, eccasienally, exist. When a here is feund with a
greup ef adventurers it is usually due te seme selfish desire en the part
ef the herc and a need fer a streng swerd arm en the part ef the ether
adventurers.
Racial Edges and Hindrances
'
E Buukicker: Because they are such badasses. all hercs receive
the Trademark Weiipen Edge fer Free, even if they de net meet the
Fighting er Sheeting requirement. Such is the nature ef Ihings.
E Gun itutien: A herc may stere up te E yerts et material in its
gullet per die et viger that it pessesses ['12 yerts at dii, ‘It’: yerts at d3,
Eli yerts at dtfl. and 24 yerts at d'l2}. Clnly half ef the weight e*
swallewed ebjects ceunts teward the teta] weight a herc can carry.
Sharp ehjects must he sheathed er etherwise bundled te prevent
damage te the herc. Clbvieusly, swallewed ebjects must actually be
able te fit inside ei the herc in erder te he gurgitated. Living creatures
can survive in a herc’s gullet as leng as they can held their breath.

Here Names E Slirny Bastard: Hercs are cevered in disgusting mucus. They
Hercs kick butt and they like yeu te knew it. Net surprisingly, they may take either the ‘slimy Edge er the Sticky Edge fer free. Alse, Hercs
eften cheese incredibly a1'regant and ebneszieus titles like "Big Elarn have a -1 Charisma penalty teward nen—hercs {-2 teward smelves}.
the Euttkicker", "lvlurdereus Meek the Cheek Chepper" and "Geela
Gutguz zler”. E Teugh has Mefe: Because they are such bullies and tc-ugh
guys, hercs begin play with a de ‘v"iger instead ef a d4. ‘fen wanna
fight abeut it?
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F
l» R The Lew Dewn
These crazy guys are the descendants ef ancient visiters whe came
te Dith frem distant realms beyend the stars. Why anybedy weuld
want te visit this festering fecal meund we call heme is beyend my
imaginatien, but nevertheless, the truth remains. Pick up yeur shevel
and dig it, true believers. These fancy lights in the sky, the enes the
wisenheimers call stars, they aren't just fer shew. Seme ef them, se the
ancient scriptures preclaim, are actually thriving centers ef industry,
. "5'~;.a:i:n
"* _ imerce and culture. The treuble is, nebedy’s visited them in
gaeilliens ef years and, as far as is knewn, visiters frem that neck ef the
metapherical weeds haven't ceme te Uith in millennia. These that did
visit here eens age either fled befere The Flush er were stranded and
alaandened, eventually evelving [develving?) inte the celerful
spectrum ef eefes that grace eur turd meund te this day.
Wl‘Iat de they leek like? Well, eefes in general are a pretty
handseme peeple. ‘vlariatiens abeund, but a few features are mere
cemmen than ethers. Grey er green skin, huge, bulging eyes, bald
heads, IE'.!t'.pD5ECl brains, wiggly little antennae. luminescent fingertips
and slime cevered bedies are all familiar attributes. lvlest eefes are
bipedal and stand upright, but etzceptiens are net uncemmen. Despite
"H't'eir ebvieus differences, it is eftentimes difficult fer merenic
imbeciles te tell the difference between a bedul and an eefe. The
fellewing rhyme, while undeniably prurient, is a helpful, if semewhat
effensive, device te that end:
If Lynn be cenfust-tl. 'l'.:nni_ what it strange being be
I-ifltIpi1_s[t'uuscrs.t|1t|scc wt:-.t1f_yeu see.
If under i|_s sl~tir1_ nn ven[_yeu de sgy
'['l1en'Lh;1[gu_y’s:in nnln. they Incl»: a brewn gyc.
Yeu see, eefes are extremely efficient eaters, able te cempletely
censume whatever feed they deveur. Therefere, they have ne use fer
the e:-tcretery apparatus pessessed by ether creatures and are thus
unequipped with such an erifice. Because ef this anatemical absence,
many eefes pessess an inherent fascinatien with the hindquarters ef
ether creatures. This may be a reminiscence ef ancestral days ef prebes
and expleratery surgery, er perhaps just a sick perversien enjeyed en
a pandemic scale.
Rectal fascinatien aside, eefes are generally a fecused and diligent
l"‘peeple, semetimes setting incredible geals fer themselves and
labs-ring fer a lifetime te see them threugh. Due ef the mest cemmen
eefe ambitiens is the cellectien and understanding ef the wendreus
artifacts left behind by their alien ancesters, perhaps with the eventual
ebiective ef leaving this puddle ef muck behind and returning te their
..- primerdial helneland.
Elf ceurse. whatever magics er technelegies allewed the primeval
eefes te travel threugh space were lest leng age. Relics and remnants
ef the ancient eefes are e-ccasienally feund, but se far, with very few
-eitcepiiens, even the cleverest wisenheimers den't knew crap abeut
hew te make them werk.
Serappin‘
Clefes are net typically a vielent greup, but if hindered in their geals
they can be quite feisty.
.7"
P’
This page dees _r:-u:I‘l have a pitturle an it. '_.:'n:_Irry"'baut
’ff\e L:':T§'b\fl‘\ll€. “IE-uriglag
"Greetjn gs Oith creature. Take me Le Jreur leader.
I ceme in peas. Resistance is frugal.
Bend ever."
-Zelte Meenspawn
Getting firleng with flthers
As leng as an eefe is allewed te fecus en her geals she can be quite
persenable. Clefes eften try te emulate their ancesters by feigning
ignerance abeut the ways ef Clith and Dithlings.
flefe Names
Defes, almest universally, are drawn te menikers that emphasize
their alien heritage. l"~lames such as "v'eltar, Kimzex, Zuzz, Zerle and
Ett are ameng the mest cemmen. Clrlezz, Xeeaimeea, and Visa: are
alse pepular.
Racial Edges and Hindranees
Clefes may cheese three ef the fellewing Edges fer free:
3 Big ftss Eyes: The eefe gains a +2 te all l'-letice rells en acceunt
ef its huge peepers.
E Brainiae: The eefe is psychic. He has the Arcane Backgreund,
Elementalist Edge.
9 Gtewy Finger ef Leve: Such an eefe can use his glewing
finger te heal anyene he teuches {even himself}. He can heal twe
weuncls each day fer each die ef Spirit he pessesses.
E Ubsessed: The eefe is ebsessed with anything having te tie
with his ancient ancesters. His fecus ef attentien gives him a +2 benus
te any rells made te understand, eperate. lecate, identify, repair.
medify, fight with, er etherwise manipulate ancient eefe artifacts.
E flddvisien: Seine eefes can see in visible spectra invisible te
ethers. Such eefes are able te see in the dark, ignering all penalties fer
insufficent lighting cenditiens. They can alse see threugh feg, mist,
and ether such ebstructiens.
G Starry Wisdem: The eefe is uncannily wise. He speaks
cryptically and with a garbled sentence structure. He alse begins play
with a dlfr Smarts instead ef a dd.
Q Sling’: The eefe exudes slippery eeze frem semewhere. It has
the Slimy Edge.
'3' Sticky: An eefe like this has serne sert ef geeey mucus ceating
its bedy. It has the Sticky Edge.
E Xenemerphie flqyaielegy: The eefe may alter its shape in
erder te assume the physical ferm ef anether being ef reughly the
same size. The disguise dees net affect the eefe’s veice er scent, ner
dees it cenfer any additienal racial Edges er Hindrances. A suspicieus
being whe views the thusly disguised eefe may make a l'-letice rell at
-4 in erder te recegnize the scam.
that. l iheught you might want were Edge choices ire-ste_a_ge.
 "Ok, this is going a little too far.
,5 creature made out of poo;
you must be an idiot.
What are you, four years old?"
-feeo the Defecator

Tfxe. Cpnkanimaked

The Low Down

Living hulks of magically animated waste, piles are the offspring
and byproducts of a1'cane contanimation, the mystical science that
allows contaminators to make living hulks of magically animated
waste. Files are basically festering heaps of biological trash, given life
and sentience through arcane means. Among the rarest of Dith’s
sentient beings, they are generally adventurous and bold, attempting
to make the most of the bastardised version of life given to them.
‘v"agarious and inquisitive by nature, most piles spend their lives in
an endless search for fresh diversions and experiences. Thus, they are
perfectly suited t'o lives as adventurers, explorers, mercenaries, and
wandering heroes.
in aspect and countenance piles vary greatly. lvlost are vaguely
bipedal in form, composed of a mass of biological waste material {dead
things, poo, etc...) with random bits of chemical and nukular matter
thrown in for effect. Generally large and bulky, piles are incredibly
strong and durable. Their gooey body mass allows them to heal very
quickly, even storing weapons and objects in their bulk by stabbing
themselves and allowing the wound to heal around the thing. l-lere’s
the thing. the actual living part of a pile is located quite a distance
beneath its viscous shell. The surrounding goop itself is malleable and
dense, providing a degree of natural armor to the pile and giving him
a weapon that is always at hand. Dig this, piles can actually tear
chunks of goo from their bodies and hurl it at their enemies. Such goo
does little physical damage, but can temporarily blind or disorient an
opponent. I mean, who can think clearly with a big chunk of
radioactive poo stuck to his face?
The arcane mysteries that create piles are understood by very few.
There is a profound difference in sapience and permanence between
actual piles and the contanimatronic minions and other such beings
summoned and created by the contanimator's art. In fact, the creation
of a pile is most often accidental. resulting from an extremely rare
combination of unknown factors. It is the supreme goal of many
contaminators to unravel this mystery and discover the secrets of pile
creation. Rsoisl Edges 35 Hindrsnoes

Serappin‘
Piles, perhaps due to their impatient nature, don't mess around
when it comes to fighting. They go for the throat and try to get things
over with as quickly as possible.
Getting with Dthers
Despite,Along
their orrid appearance {and even more horrid odor), most
piles are friendly, outgoing, and gregarious, at least at first. Get on
their bad side and they'll mess you up without a second thought. You
see, piles cherish every minute of their lives and they don't have time
to waste on complicated decision making. They aren’t stupid, just
impulsive. Quick to anger, they are just as quick to forgive.
File Names
Files often choose names that give themselves a sense of purpose.
Such monikers as The Fool Pitier, The Stompinator, Finsto the Quill,
and Feco the Defecator have been reported.
E Dense 35- Chewy: Since piles are covered in a thick layer of
filth, they gain a +1 bonus to Toughness.
Q Goo Flingin : A pile is able to harmlessly rip chunks of goo
from his body and throw them at his enemies. The pile uses hi
Throwing skill and can hurl a chunk of goo up to three yorts {3"} per-
die of Strength {no range penalties}. A target hit by the goo must make
a Vigor roll or be blinded for one round plus one round for each raise
on the piles Throwing roll.
3 Msllesble: The disgusting coating that surrounds a piie's frame
is thick and malleable. As a result, a pile has little use for scabbards,
sheaths, pouches and the like. He can simply stab a weapon or object
into his goo and allow HIE minor wound to heal and form a natural
holder. This causes only negligible damage to the pile. A pile can"'
thusly store up to five pounds of material per die of Vigor.

E Eurliy fellow: Files begin with a do Strength rather than a d4,

since they are such strapping lads and lasses.
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The Lew flewn
Smelves, ridiculeusly beschneaaed little guys, came te eur werld
, "" _em the mythic lands ef lvliddle Dith during the Time ef the Flush,
._ fleeing the tyranny ef their malicieus herc adversaries. This preved te
be a bad decisien, since the hercs simply fellewed them here, but what
ean yeu de?
in general, a smelf is a shert, slender sert ef fellew {er fellette] with
the biggest henkin’ nese a being’s likely te see, Smelves are extremely
preud ef their predigieus prebescises, eften pelishing them with
earwaa and scented eils and adernin g them with jewelry and ta ttees,
Net enly is a sme|f's nese the decerative fecal peint ef its ceuntenance,
it is alse the seurce ef many ef a sme|f’s special talents,
Net surprisingly, smelves have a very pewerful sense ef smell. They
Share mere attuned tn the smellements, these neirieus and beauteeus
essences that make up the eders and fragrances ef the universe, than
are ether beings. This, ceinbined with their sensitive and clever nature,
makes them supremely adapted te the path ef the smellcaster.
Srneiven smellcasters are a valuable additien te any adventuring
-greup er serccreus cenclave.
A further talent develeped by certain smelves is the bizarre practice
knewn as nesebleating. an elf skilled in nesebleating is able te inflate
his schnea, by inhaling deeply threugh his nestrils, te such a degree
that it becemes bueyant in air and actually allews the smelf te levitate
er hever abeve the greund, A nesebleating smelf usually carries a pair
ef cerks with which te plug his nestrils and extend the duratien ef the
bleat,
What smelves lack in physical stature, they mere than make up fer
in reseurcefulness and ingenuity. Smelves are renew ned as architects
and inventers, respensible fer many ef the mest bizarre and intriguing
rnenuments and structures te be feund threugheut Mutha Dith,
The ancestral father bf all smelves is ‘the my‘l:l:ieal_F_:ppy ‘lirnelf.
_-.._
26
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kmoyiag Livlcl-.le. $a5£ard-3
"La la la la la la. La la la la la.
What [he #@$3-r dees that mean?
Make seme #@3$%'n sense Jreu idietsl"
-Cretehelgy Smelf
Smelvish architecture is eften replete with decerative elements,
such as brilliant gargeyles, waterspeu ts, feuntains, flying buttresses,
and magnificent sculptures. Smelves whe dwell eutside ef cities and
tewns eften inhabit the hellewed shells ef giant fungi.
Despite their talents fer architecture and ether citified pursuits,
mest smelves are great levers ef the wilderness and eften inhabit the
far frentiers ef the werld. They can be feund anywhere frem tending
creps ef fungus between the tees ef the incredibly Huge lviensterfll te
wrangling cheese leeches in the lvleenular Cheese Fields.
Serappin‘
Smelves, despite their tiny size, can be quite reseurceful
cembatants. A faverite technique is te nesebleat eut ef range and then
hurl death upen their enemies with slingshets and spears.
Getting Mung With Uthers
Smelves generally get aleng well with mest ether beings, except
hercs, whem they despise.
Smelf Names
Smelves are all derks, They cheese names fer themselves based en
an aspect ef their persenality er their jeb, such as lvlurderer Smelf,
Pimp Smelf, Sexy Smelf, and Brewn hleser Smell. Seme just use an
all iterative nense nse werd, such as Sm erlrle Smelf er Smudgeen Smelf.
it's all really rather silly.
Raeial Edges 31,- Hinclranees
Q Nasal Targeting: A smelf’s schnea makes a wenderful natural
targeting site, as a result, smelves add +2 te all Sheeting and
Threwing rel is,
B Nimble Little Guys: Due te their small statutes and lisseme
physiques, smelves begin with a de Agility rather than a da.
Cenversely, they may net begin play with a Strength greater than dfl.
E Nesebleatjng: A smelf with a ‘figer ef d-El er higher is able te
inflate her nese te such gigantic prepertiens that she can actually fleat
abeve the surface ef the flith, A smelf can rise abeve the greund and
hever a distance ef ‘Ill yerts [iii feet) fer each "v'iger die abeve as [ll]
yerts at dtl, Ell yerts at dill, 3'1) yerts at di 2). Nesebleating can enly lift
a smelf vertically; it dees net ailew heriaental er diagenal metien,
{Since a smelf is airberne she is at the mercy ef the wind. Additienally,
a smelf must plug her nestrils in erder te nesebleat, which pretty
much limits her te enly ene hand unless she uses a pair ef cerks er
similar plugs, A nesebleating smelf can hever indefinitely as ieng as
her nestrils remain plugged. Dbvieusly a smelf’s sense ef smell is
useless when nesebleating.
E Sehne: Le Be Bleekened. With: A smelf’s nese is bulbeus
and rubbery. As a result, all smelves have a +2 armer benus against
attacks te the head, Smelves alse gain a +4 benus te all l."-letice rells in
which the sense ef smell is a facter.
The‘ Fuegislt believe Peppy lirnelf and the Mess Bess are ‘the '_5:me_,_-guy.
_ .-_r
.q...
llfllll
"W'ell, it isn't a werm. It isn't a ereaeh. It isn't a bedul..."

The Lew Dewn

-Himiniy feet, Bedul Wisenheimer

Back in the day, according te the wisenheimers, when the

Heemanrace still ruled the planet, strange and wendreus animals
reamed the lands and seas ef primeval Ditli. Such an amazing
diversity ef ferms and types existed as te blew the mind ef even the
meat willful dementalist. ll.-“lest ef these guys are extinct new, gene the
way ef the I-leemanrace, but their ancesters remain. Well, net exactly
their ancesters, but semething like that. E‘-‘ig this, A Really Leng Time
Age, the Primerdial Seup Kitchen was created, se say the eldsters, te
catalegue and stere the genetic crap frem all the animals ef Clitli, and
eventually use this stuff te repepulate the Ctith in the event seme
cataclysm killed everyene. We all knew that such a cataclysm (several,
in fact] eccurred, but what was net reckened was that the Primerdial
Seup Kitchen itself weuld be damaged in the ruckus. Well, that’s what
happened anyway and when the chefs and wine stewards and
waitresses get back te werk they screwed up everybedy's erder. The
animals were put back tegether incerrectly, resulting in the bizarre
hybrid beings knewn as tizn'ts.
Every tizn't is different, being a mix ef several ef the animals that
reamed ancient Ditli back in the day. C‘-‘ne tizn‘t fer example, might
have the head ef a leng necked leaf muncher, the bedy ef a feathered
running thing, the arms ef a scaly green tree climber, and the tail ef a
plumed shew-eff beid. The specific names ef these ancient animals are
lest te the anus ef histery, but the wisenheimers ef teday find spert in
speculating what the censtituent pa1'ts ef a tizn't might have ence Racial Edges and Hindrances
leeked like en a cemplete beast.
Tizn'ts themselves are eften quite intelligent', gifted with a sapience
Q Hybrid: Each tizn’t is a bizarre cembinatien ef three er mere
rarely feund in lesser animal ferms. Like beduls, Tizn’ts tend te be
animals frem ancient Ditli. The exact mixture is different fer every
extremely idiesyneratic, which makes a classificatien such as this ene
tizn’t, se it is up te the player te decide the nature ef his character.
very difficult te generalize. If there is ene trait that can be said te
]ust abeut any animal is usable, even dinesau1's and ether critters
universally describe a tizn’t it is individuality. Ne twe a1'e alike, ner
frem ‘Way Eaek in the Day. The Tizn’t Edges and Hind ra nces chesen
weuld they want te be. Tizn' ts are unique, and they like it that way.
sheuld reflect the physical nature ef the animals chesen. Fer
example, if yeu want gills, yeu sheuld prebably have the head ef a
Serappirfl fish er eel, and if yeu want te have an extended jump, yeu sheuld_
Since every tizn't is diffe1'ent, they all have different techniques and have the legs ef a kanga1'ee er a rabbit er semething like that.
styles when it cemes te fighting. These pages den't previde eneugh Since every tizn't is unique, it is impessible te quantify every
space te list them all, se use yeu: imaginatien. single pessible Edge er Hind1'ance they might have. Players are
enceuraged te create new enes based upen the creatures ef ancient
Ctith. ln general an Edge sheuld give a tizn't a +2 benus te ene er_
Getting fileng with flthers mere Skills. an extra die fer ene attribute, er effe1' a new ability, such
Tizn’t eften prefer te ferm cemmunities ef their ewn, where their
as censtrictien, a mildly venemeus bite, sharp quills, natural arrner,
individual uniqueness is respected and appreciated. By and large they
lew light visierI.. gills, a prehensile trunk, etc... A Hindrance migh -'
tend te get aleng with ether species, as their distinctive natures make
restrict an attribute te a certain die, give a penalty te ene er mere
them especially accepting ef ethers. They den't usually like hercs,
Skills e1' attributes, er effer a restrictien such as requiring that the
since the snetgeblin’s destructive and cenfermist nature effends their
tizn'ts skin remain meist, that she eat every heur, er that her
independent sensibilities.
elephantine 1'u1np restricts her mevement in enclesed spaces. Every
Tizn't begins with twe Tizn't Edges and may take as many Tiz:n’t
'_‘['izn'[ Names Hindrances as they like, adding anethe1' Edge fer each Hindrance.
As every tizn’t is a unique entity, se tee is her name. ]ust abeut
anything can be a menike1' fer a ti.zn't'. Fameus tizn’ts ef nete include
Q Dbjeet of faseir1at_ien:Tiz11'ts are ene ef the few links te
internal Cembustien Engine, a snail headed fellew frem New
the ancient days ef the Heemanrace left en Dith. As such, they are
Clerlquar, Asparagebster Fremage ef the lvleenular Cheese Fields,
eften pursued by anneying wisenheimers trying te unravel the"
Pickle Head Frankenfertress ef Scab, Eleerq Snezzleweiner ef Fleem,
secrets ef the universe and whatnet. This sert ef thing is par fer the
and Reputus ll».-“lerkle Earbenze the Semewhat Less Than Sane, whe
ceurse fer tizn'ts and they have pretty much grewn te expect it. Still,
lu1'ks in the gutters ef Ageg talking te trash bins and writing endless
it can be pretty irritating te be peked and stared at by a bunch ef
leng divisien en the castle walls.
freaks with magnifying lenses and measuring tapes.
1-‘

-229;. -
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 fin kmxelidical lllimcl

"Ours is a history of valor. a tale of great triumph

and epic heroism. for we. once among the lowliest
of all Clitlfs creatures. now reign supreme!
‘Well, if not supreme then at least somewhere near
the top. Ok. maybe not the top. but we at least
rate somewhere. and not at the bottom either.
I betI could kickyour butt."
-Gorsho Lo:-todentist. The Great Bend Werm

Serappin‘
Worms are pretty tough fighters. Their dense. rubbery skin resists
many attacks and their slimy coils are quick and supple.

Getting Nong With flthers

Werm culture is as varied and as vast as their morphology. being
very adaptive fellows. they are able to fit in with most civilized beings.
adjusting easily to changing situations and new cultures. This is not to
say that werms do not form their own societies. just that they are
generally welcome in the cities and towns of other beings.

Werm Names
Werms tend to adopt the naming conventions of whatever culture
in which they happen to be at the time. it is not unusual for a werm to
change his name on a daily basis to reflect his current mood or to
glorify a recent deed or achievement. in worm known as lvlullig the
Meek today might call himself Trullig the Terrible tomorrow. You
never can tell with these guys.

Racial Edges and Hindranees

Q Eurrowin : werms are really good at digging. They can plow

their way throug loose dirt at one half of their normal movement rate.
with or without a shovel.

E Coiled Spring: Werms are either very nimble and smooth. or

they are thick and tough. as such. they start with a dti in either agility
I or Strength [your choice} instead of the usual d4.
_ "3 The Low Down
Not unlike many of Clitlfs creatures. werms rose from extremely
9 Low Light Vision: The strange eyes of werms allow them to
humble beginnings to become a vibrant and vital contributor to the
see well even in dim or darkened environs. They ignore penalties for
planet’s ecology and culture. Derived from simple ancestors {soil for these conditions. although pitch darkness affects them (normally.
tillers. parasites and pathogens for the most part} the werms of today
-have risen froln the primeval mud to become mighty warriors.
brilliant hocus pokers. crafty merchants, and masterful weavers of art 3 Regeneration: Werms roll for natural healing every day.
and artifice. Diverse in form and strong of spirit, werms are very instead of every five days. Severed limbs can be reattached or
proud of their race’s history and accomplishments. regrown. It takes a number of days equal to twenty minus the werm‘s
Many werms are long and slender with smooth. segmented skin Vigor die to regrow a lost limb. Reattached limbs heal normally and
and a couple of pairs of limbs. Cltliers are flat and broad. relatives of are fully functional once the wenn is completely healed.
the dreaded cheese leeches that infest the Ivloonular Cheese Fields and
the luminescent glowwerms of Glowhio. Although most werms have
E Rubbeqy Skin: Werms have very thick, rubbery skin. It gives
arrns and legs. a few varieties lack one or the other of these e:-ttremities.
them a +1 bonus to Toughness.
The prehensile body of some werms makes this lack of limbs less of a
' detriment than one might suppose; their squirming coils are quite
capable of lifting and wielding objects and weapons. t-I
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New Edgea Hindra nces,arHithat sottcrtthing
file Heardesaurus (miner)
..I-"
-

'.I-'
"feu are ehsessed with cellecting thi_ngs.:.,£ _.II'

Yeur packets are always everflewing with‘

j. -

-a.

useless crap, but yeu just can't seem te let it

ge. What's yeur prehlern, anyway?

Inurnerate (rnajer)
Yeu have ahselutely ne cencept ef
numbers. Yen can't ceunl er de math ef any
kind. Teur hrairt just isn't wired that way.
Berry...

Junkie (mgjer)
Yeu are majerly addicted te sernething. It
ceuld he just alaeut anything frem heeae t=.
levin’ ie Cheppirtg E-leck C'h.ili, hut if ye
den't get yeur fir: every day yeu suffer a -1
penalty te all trait re-lls. The Bees may decide
yeu can everceme yeur addictien semehew,
weuldn t ceunt
Egtitl if

New SKILLS
Centanimatien (Viger)
This skill allews a centanirnater te harness
and centrel the energies ef waste and filth.
This skill is used in cenjunctien with the
Arcane Eiackgreund ftfentanimater] Edge.
Dementalism (Smarts)
This is the skill by which hrainy eefes
perferrn feats ef amazement w i th the pewer el
their minds. This skill is used in cenjunctien
with the Arcane Backgreund {Uementalist}
Edge.
I-Ielty Belling (Spirit)
With this skill a hely teller is able te
channel the divine energies granted by her
deity {er self-delusien) inte magical spells and
]:-ewers. This skill is used in cenjunctien with
the ritrcane Eackgreund {He|y Reller} Edge.
Heeus Peking (Smarts)
This is the wender werking skill ei the
hecus peker. This skill is used in cenjunctien
Weirdness (Smarts)
With this skill a weirde is able te create all
serts ef crazy lhingamajigs, mahehs, wingles,
whesarnawhataits, and deehickies. This skill
is used in cenjunclien with the ritrcane
Backgreund {Weirde} Edge.
New HINDRANCES
Armless (majer)
Suffering seeks. dude! ‘feu ain’t get ne
arms. ‘fee peer, peer guy. Unless yeu have
same mad psychic pewers er seme ether hedy
part that can cenipensate yeu are uut ef luck.
Take a -4 penalty en all tasks that require
arms [such as lighting and clinttsingj unless
yeu have seme way te cempens-ate. we-ms
with this Hindrance may take the Prehensile
Eiedy Edge Fer free.
Celerhlind (miner)
Yeu see everything in shades at grey. Celer
is a mystery te yeu. yeu peer kid.
Funny Leeking (miner)

=.
with the I-"u'cane Backgreund [Hecus Peking} There’s just set-nething aheut the way yeu
Edge. leek that makes peeple laugh. lvlayhe yeur
antennae curl in a certain way, er yeur creme

il‘=l;~.-;l *7~'-
Smelleasting (Smarts) filling is an add shade ei purple. Witatever it
Smellcasters use this skill. in cenjunctien is yeu are censtantly giggled at and speken
aheut behind yeur haclt. its hard fer peeple te ._i

i viaiy
with the Arcane Elackgreund I[$n1elIcaster]
"~-_
—.—
Edge te hamess the smellentental essence ef take yeu serieusly and as such yeu suffer a —'I —‘-*:--
. (I5:
the Dith. penalty ta all Charisma rails. ___q._’
’“l"'
Here's nether riddle: Hutu is :n.esepli:gatur lllce a rack? Hel_;e.“s the I:4t.t't-'I"EII"_§‘.'-ill IE igh eirfii ‘them tangcllmb trees.
_-_.; 1+
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,a‘-6‘.-=a""“‘
Iifitgless (major)
Merciful Eaorglczarl You ain't got no legs!
You get a -4 penalty to any action that requires
Agility and your Face is halved. {in the plus
side, you get a +2 bonus to Persuasion rolls
‘-'-made while begging. Werms with this
Hindrance may take the Prehensile Body
Edge for free.
Mistaken Identity (minor or mgjor)
"Hey, you look like...” Wherever you go
people are always saying you look like
someone else. in this case it's someone bad.
Maybe it's a notorious price—o—corn, a wanted
gangsta, an infamous bandit or a weIl—known
slag rust|er_ Whoever he is, you look like him
and people think you’rc him. This Hindrance
can be minor or major, depending on who
"people think you are and how closely you
resemble that person.
Due Eye (minor)
You have a -1 penalty to attack with ranged
weapons due to your lack of depth
perception. This is not the same as a missing
eye, you were only born with one eye. This
' Hindrance is only available to boduls, oofos,
'-
r rolls due to your heightened sense of hearing,
Sort of Clueless (minor)
Huh? Your ignorance grants you a -1
penalty to all Common Knowledge rolls.
Wuss {minor}
‘i’au’re not a total coward, but you're
,:_Guts checks.
New Entries
Backs RDUND Eosss
There are six Arcane Backgrounds available
in Late Life: Contanimation, Dementalism,
Hocus Poking, Holy Rolling, Smellcasting and
I Weirdness. Brief introductions to each follow
J-I--1
r"- this paragraph. For more inforlnation about
Arcane Backgrounds, magic and religion flip
your shiny butt ahead a few pages.
3"’
I"
For centuries the E-eagie Knights were ‘the
_-_
32
J P
fl’
.uI""'
Arcane Background (flontanimator)
Requirements: Novice, Vigor dti+
The Uith is a polluted, irradiated pile of
festering c1'ap. Luckily, characters exist who
are able to turn this to their advantage. A
contanimator is a mystically trained being
who is able to exploit the inherent magical
and radioactive emissions of various
biological, nukular, and toxic waste products,
from which he can manifest spectacular
illusions, inflict deadly diseases, and even
create magically animated minions.
The spongy, absorptive flesh of creme-
fillians makes them natural contanimators;
they gain a +1 bonus to all contanimation
rolls.
fircane Background (lvleirdo)
Arcane Background (flementaflst) Requirements: Novice. Smarts da+
Weirdos are crafters of enchanted objects.
Requirements: Novice, Smarts dl:':+, Dofo
Just about anything can be imbued with
Although no oithly creature is able to
magical essences and weirdos are the ones
manifest psychic powers, some oofos have
who know how to do it.
this ability. With a mere thought and a bit of
concentration such an oofo can plumb the
depths of another being's mind, start fires, Bi3 Ass Feet,
manipulate matter, wash his feet, throw stuff Requirements: i‘-.iovice. Bodul
and perform a whole host of other nifty acts. A bodul of this nature has huge floppy feet
with which he can stamp out small fires. Such
"
a bodul adds ‘I to his vertical and horizontal
Arcane Background (Hocus Poker) distance when jumping and +1 to damage
Requirements: Novice, Smarts dl:i+ when kicking.
l-locus pokers are wizards, sorcerers,
magicians and just about anyone else who
uses the magic energy of her own body to cast Bounqy Behind
spelis. Hocus pokers don't need filth, Requirements: Novice. Bodul
‘four massive rump absorbs damage from
religion, stinks or objects to perform their
magic; they get funky with their own bad falls and lets you bounce around like a rubber
selves. ball. Your vertical and horizontal jumping
distance is increased by “I” and you take only
half damage from fails if you make a
jlrcane Background (Holy Roller) successful agility check-
Requirements: Novice, Spirit dfi+
Holy rollers are religious fanatics. Whether
Enhanced Senses
a Ieezle Freak, a Boorgleaarian, a ]emima's
Requirements: E‘~lovice
Witness or a follower of any of Dith's other
with this edge you gain a +2 to all Notice
bizarre faiths, this guy takes it way too far. So
far does he take it, in fact, that he is actually
able to manifest magical powers and abilities.
smell, taste, or vision. These bonuses stack
with those for r-‘tlermess.
Wliether these gifts are granted
providence of an almighty being or
harnessed by the power of self delusion. Extra Limb
there's no denying the might of a holy roller's Requirements: Novice, liodul or Tian't
faith. Each purchase of this Edge gives you one
additional arm or leg. An extra arm allows
you to perform one extra physical action per
Atrcane Background (Smeflcaster) round. Extra actions are subject to the nonnal
Requirements: Novice, Smarts dfi+ -2 penalty per action. Extra arms are
Smellcasters are able to coalesce the fetid considered to be off hands unless you have
and beauteous vapors of existence [the the lvlultidextrous Edge. Each extra leg adds
smellements} into magically charged It” to the your Pace. This Edge may be
stenches. By inhaling, or causing others to purchased multiple times.
inhale, these stenches a wide variety of
eldritch phenomena can occur. Not
irradiated
surprisingly, smelves make excellent
Requirements: Novice
smellcasters, gaining a +1 bonus to all
Dude. you got closed! at some point in
Smellcasting rolls.
your life you came into prolonged contact
with residual fallout from the Time of the
. - ‘A -
j'I_j Flush. Now you glow in the dark, which gives
_,._' 1
qr r _
{H jl '
L
i .u
enemies a +2 bonus when attacking you in the
dark, but you also gain a +2 bonus to all
Contanimation rolls.
guardians of evil and disorder across-Hutha l'.'li‘l:h. before the dark ‘times, before ‘Hie... naps; serry, geeli .rnameIi‘l:.
Multiclextrous
Requirements: Novice, Agility dS+, 3 or
more arms
You ignore penalties for using any of your
off-hands, since all of your hands are equally
adept and you effectively do not have an
off-hand.
Prehensile Body
Requirements: Novice, Bodnl or Werm
Your body is all twisty and bendy. You gain
a +4 bonus to all Climbing rolls, as well as a +2
bonus to Agility checks made to escape brand s,
wiggle through small openings, or avoid
falling. You can also use your body as an extra
limb, negating penalties for being Armless or
Legless. A prehensile body is considered an
off-hand {unless you are Armless} and is
affected by Ambidexterity and Multi-
dexte1'ity.
Really Big Guy
Requirements: Novice, not a smelf
Due to your large size, you begin play with
a as Strength instead of a d-’1. You may
pu1'chase your strength up to a d12+2. Edges
might raise this as high as d12+=5l. fin the
downside, creatures smaller than you gain +2
bonus to attack rolls against you. You are
considered to be Large, as described by the
lvlonstrous Ability.
Realty Small Guy
Requirements: Novice
You are the 1'unt of the litter. Your
diminutive stature means that your Strength
can never go above a dS. D11 the plus side,
howeve1', you start with a tit} Agility instead of
a d-1 and you may purchase your Agility up to
dl 2+2 (perhaps higher with Edges). You are
considered to be Small, as described by the
lvlonstrous Ability, so creatures larger than
you have a -2 penalty when attacking you..
Robbery
Requirements: Novice, Bodul or Werni
Your body is dense and chewy. You gain a
+2 bonus to Toughness against blunt weapons
and falls.
Sag, aren'Lyou that one guy
Requirements: Novice
You resemble somebody cool. Wherever
you go people point it out and treat you like
they would him. Sometimes you get free stuff,
like food, lap dances, and socks. Exactly how
this plays out is up to the Boss.
Slimar
Requirements: Novice, Dofo, File or Werm
You are a slick mutha! Your body, or at
least some part of it is covered in a glistening
coat of mucus, ooze, or some other
protoplasmic goo. You are really slippery so
you gain a +4 bonus to your Strength when
opposing a grapple.
Sfieky Contain‘ Enoss
Requirements: Novice, Horc, Dofo, File, or
Werm
Gross! You are really sticky due to some
Pirnp Slap
Requirements: Seasoned, Agility dS+
sort of slime or mucus. Any small objects that
hit you, like weapons, fists, or falling leaves,
You are a bully who likes to pick on people
smaller than you. You gain a +2 bonus to
will stick to you unless the wielder makes a
attack rolls when fighting Small creatures
successful Strength roll. it is possible to be
both Sticky and Slimy.
{this effectively negates the -2 penalty for
attacking small creatures, unless you are
Small, in which it's just a bonus]. You also get
Tentaoular a +1 attack bonus when fighting females, even
Requirements: Novice, Bodul, Tizn’t, or if you are a female. I'm telling your mother.
Wenn
You have mighty tentacles instead of arms.
These bitchin' prehensile limbs give you a +2 Spit
Requirements: Novice, Agility dE:+, Eodul
bonus to Climbing and a +4 bonus when
trying to resist a disarm or similar maneuver.
or Horc A.
You are especially good at expectorating.
With one well placed gob you can temporarily
Tongue fu blind your opponent, effectively giving you the
Requirements: Novice, Agility dt3+, Eodul drop in the next round, assuming your target
or Tian't has eyes. Spitting has a range equal to your
You have a really big prehensile tongue. It's Vigor in yo1'ts ["). For example, a horc with a
so big, in fact, that you can use it just like an
arm. Df course you can't talk when using it,
but you can fight with it, wield weapons,
scratch your back, or just about anything else
an arm can do. A tongue is considered to be an
off-hand {unless you are Armless} and is
affected by Ambidexterity and lvlnltidexterity.
Twin, Evil
Requirements: Wild Card, Novice, not a
tian’t, not evil
If you ever die [at least the first time you
die, anyway), you are instantly replaced by
your evil twin from some sort of parallel
universe or something. He looks inst like you.
except he has a goatee and he's evil. Your evil
twin knows everything you know, and has all
the same traits and equipment. Essentially,
you instantaneously grow a goatee and
become evil instead of dying.
Twin, Good
Requirements: Wild Card, Novice, not a
tian’t, bad guy
This is just like Twin, Evil except it's for bad
guys. Your twin does not have a goatee and he
acts in a sickeningly nice and sincere manner.
Pansy bastard.
Two~faoed
Requirements: Novice, Eodul or Tizn't
Since you have two heads you can carry on
two simultaneous conversations, cast two
verbal spells at the same time, or even eat two
meals at once. You lucky dawg.
‘Ii
Ijlllflliligor can spit ten feet. Spitting causes no
damage, counts as an action, lasts for one
round and uses the Shooting skill for its attack
roll. If you hit your victim and get a raise, you
get the drop on your target in the next round.
LDDQEJ’ Hawker
RE‘-l“l1'EmE“l'5i 5"35'5P“'-“fir SP“ . .
T9” "'3' 19113” require 3- Hi5’? [9 ' '
t the dro on an opponent when
Esitting. SpFitl:ing no longer counts
asanaction for you.
Pgwgg EDEES
Contanimaster
Requirements: Veteran, Vigor dll]+,
Arcane Background l:{:iJIll‘flI1l.llilEll‘Dl':I
Your Power Point e:cpenditure is
halved {round up} when creating
- -' '-
.'
L?
- = ~= I .- ‘ - Requirements: Novice. ‘vigor dB+. Arcane Background {Sme|lcaster}
The smellemental reeks coalesced by smellcasters are usually stored in
bottles. jars. and similar airtight receptacles. Not so for the reek repository.
With this Edge you are able to indefinitely store one reek somewhere upon
your person, such as in your armpit, navel, or any other bodily orifice. and
release it as you would any other reek. Elnce a reek is released, it performs
its function and then dissipates as usual.
This Edge may be purchased multiple times. allowing the storing of reeks
in multiple orifices.
PRDFESSIDNAL Eoees
The following Professional Edges are modified thusly when used in l.-arr:
Life: Champion and Holy I Unholy Warrior require Arcane Background
{Holy Roller] instead of Arcane Background [tvliracles], Wiaarcl requires
Arcane Background {Hocus Poker} in place of Arcane Background {lvlagic}.
lvir. Fir: it requires Arcane Background {weirdo} instead of Arcane
Background [Weird Science}. and Mentalist requires Arcane Background
{Dementalist} instead of Arcane Background [Psionics]. In all instances
Faith is replaced by Holy Rolling, Spellcasting is replaced hy Hocus Poking.
Weird Science is replaced by Weirdness, and Psionics is replaced by
Elementalism. it may seem silly» but its a flavor thang, y'all wouldn’t
understand.
Boogie Knight,
Requirements: Novice. Horc, Fighting d8+
The Boogie Knights are an elite force of horc warriors dedicated to
spreading horcish values and customs across the Clitli. Since one of the
prime horcish values is the destruction of all things smelvish, Boogie
Knights gain -a +2 bonus to attack rolls against smelves. As ercemplary
specimens of horcishness, Boogie Knights have a +2 bonus to Charisma
when dealing with other horcs and can usually count on free booee in any
tavern in Agog.
Eoorglezarian
Requirements: Novice. Spirit dB+, Arcane Background [Holy Roller]
Boorgleearians are worshippers of the cosmic dung beetle Boorgleaar,
who rolled the Clith from the crop of creation when time began. The
scriptures say that Boorglerrar has many faces. encompassing and
epitornieing a wide variety of aspects. occupations. and mannerisms. As
representatives of their deity, followers are expected to develop a number of
diverse talents and abilities. To this end. a devout Boorgleearian with this
Edge gains a +1 bonus to any three Skills of her choice.
Giggilgr Gigger
Requirements: Novice, Fighting dti+, Tracking clB+
Giggities are rumored to be the scouts and messengers of the Primordial
S-oup Kitchen. They Hitter about collecting thoughts. emotions, and genetic
material to. presumably, take back to their masters, who use the gathered
essences fer all serts ef nefarieus and
ingenieus recipes, cencectiens, and culinary
and nutritive delights.
When a ggity cellects its beunty, its aspect
and demeaner change te reflect the gathered
essence. Giggers are hunters whe specialize in
the live capture ef giggities and the remeval ef
their acquired essences. Witli a successful
Smarts rell a gigger is able te 1'emeve the
pu1'leined essence stelen by a captured
giggity and abserb that material inte himself.
The effect lasts fer a number ef heurs equal te
the gigger's "v'iger die.
Fer example, imagine if yeu will, a giggity
has gathered a sample ef genetic material
frem a giant sleg. In deing se, the giggity has
grewn in size and develeped a fluffy hide and
distasteful creme filling. A hit later en, Trepe
Wanker, a wermish giggity gigger hunts
dewn and captures this particular giggity.
Llsing tecluiiques knewn enly te giggers,
T1'epe remeves the sleg essence frem the
giggity [retuming it te its eriginal and abserbs
it inte himself. Trepe then takes en part ef the
sleg aspect, gaining a bit ef size and the slugs
hide and creme filling. A gigger may abserb
ene trait {randemly determined by the Bess}
fer a success and each raise en the Smarts rell.
Heemanitsrian
Requirements: hlevice, Spirit d3+, Arcane
Eackgreund [Hely Reller}
As wershippers ef the ancient Hee1nan-
1'ace, Heemanitarians with this Edge gain a +2
benus te all I-lely Relling 1'elIs made when in
centact with a Heeman1'ace artifact er en the
greunds ef a I-leemanrace settlement er
structure.
jeezle Ere ak
Requirements: Nevice, Spirit d8+, Arcane
Backgreund [Hely Reller}
jeezle Freaks are fellewers ef an ancient
deity wershipped by members
antediluvian Heemanrace. All hely rel lers
with this Edge must take at least ene sacred
vew (silence, chastity, peverty, set'vitude,
etc...}. The hely 1'elle1' is swern te abide by the
vew. Fer each vew taken, the hely reller gains
a +1 benus te his Hely relling rells. Breaking a
vew is censidered a miner sin [see page EU)
altheugh persistent e1' blatant infractiens may
rate as majer er even tnertal sins.
jernitn-1's Witness
Requirements: blevice, Cremefillian,
Spirit d8+
Ancient artifacts ef the l-leemanrace depict
primerdial cremefillians reduced te a
pewdery ferm and stered in lJfl1if.E5, enly te be
recenstituted and used fer varieus nefarieus
pu1'peses by their Heemanrace slavemasters.
The religieus erder ef the ]emima’s Witnesses
vew that this shall never happen again, se
they aim te destrey all vestiges and relics ef
the Heemanrace, destreying them upen
blazing altars ef sacrifice. A character with
this Edge gains a +2 benus te defend against,
parry, er resist the effects ef any relic ef the
l-leemanrace, whether er net it is being used
It rr-ay seer-1, tn the uninitiated,
fer its intended purpese. Hely Rellers with
this Edge gain a +'I te all Hely Relling reils.
Heink
Requirements: hlevice, Spirit clti+,
Fighting dIb+
Hainks are beings deputized by the
leadership ef a specific realm te maintain the
peace, capture villains, er etherwise tie the
bidding ef the law. Each heink carries a badge
af seme sart that marks him as such and
entitles him te make arrests, interregate
suspects, cieputiee ethers, and elsewise
upheld the law. A l-lc-ink whe is caught
breaking the law will mest likely be stripped
at his badge, but may be tertured er
imprisened instead, subject te the laws ef the
realm in which he serves.
flbsessulen
Requirements: hievice, Ciefe
Cibsessulens are eefes ebsessed with the
artifacts left behind by their ancient ancesters.
By spending an actien in cencentratien, an
ebsessulen can make a Netice rel] te faintly
detect the presence ef an eefe artifact within a
big yert [a mile} ef his persen. He can tell if the
device is nearby, but net its precise lecatien.
Further, ebsessuiens gain a +2 br:-nus te
iiinewiedge reils made te determine the
preper usage ef such relics.
Srnellementalisi;
Requirements: hirivice. Arcane Backgreunii
{Srneiicaster}, Smellcasting d8+
Smellementalists are smellcasters whe have
taken their art a step further. Due te their
special cennectien with the primerdial
smellements, smellementalists are able te
regain half ef the Fewer Peints spent en reek
cealescing at the nermai rate (rr.-unri up). The
ether half are regained immediately when the
reek is released, as usual.
ef the
Stanismist,
Requirements: Nevice, Spirit clS+
Stan is the lerd nf deceit, perversien, and
avarice. His fellewers are greedy, lustful,
sneaky, and cruel. Because they are se vile,
evii reensters take an instinctive shine te
Stanismists. Evil beasts {determined by the
Bass] wen’t attack a Stanismist unless
prevc-ked_
the tlassrfiratlfirei Edges is
sari-e-n-hat arhitr-ary.i|'ii|iy"is ene av Paw.-er I"‘F.'-"I"
Secnti. Enees
Cempensating fer Semething
Requirements: blevice
Fer seme reasen, whenever yeu are helding
a large weapen {semething with a weight ef 5
er higher] in yeur hand yeu gain a +2 benus te
al] Spirit reils.
Smeeve
Requirements: hlevice, Smarts d1fl+,
Spirit dfi+
Yeu are se slick yeu ceuld sell diapers te an
eefe. "_'feur seductive, fast talking ways gain
yeu a +2 benus te Gambling, lntimidatien,
and Fersuasien rells. The benus enly applies, _
in situatiens where yeu are trying te cen er
cheat semeene, er sell er trade semething.
Wetite Erie es
Animal Magnetism
Requirements: hlevice
Fer seme uneitplained reasen animals
really dig yeu. Any creature with an’ _
intelligence [deneted by an [A] after Smarts in
its statistics] must make a Spirit rel] befere it
can bring itself te harm yeu. Dnce it makes its
1'ell, er if yeu attack it, it is free te try te de
I" _
whatever it wants te yeu. ‘feu alse gain a +1
benus te Riding.
fish Breath
Requirements: bievice, ‘tfiger d1fl+,
Spirit db, Swinuning dlfl
l den't knew why, but yeu semehew
spentaneeusly develeped the ability le breath
underwater iust as easily as yeu can en land.
‘t’eu den't have gills {necessarily} and it's net
magic {prebably) but yeu can de it anyway.
lviaybe it was semething yeu ate, er a strange
disease yeu didn‘t knew yeu had. Alse, yeur
breath stinks pretty badly. "feu get a -1
penalty te Charisma when talking te semeene
clese eneugh te smell yeu. '
filthy Mefe
Requirements: hlevice,
Viger dE:+
‘feu are ene disgusting
dude! Yeur bedy is cevered in
crusty dirt and flies censtantly circle yeur
head and nether regiens. Great dripping ge r
ef filth and muck cling te yeur grimy buttecks
and yeur clethes stink ef raw
sewage- This unpleasant sell
reappears within heurs if yeu ever
take a bath, semehew attracted te
yeu en a prime] level. It's aimest
impessible fer yeu te sneak up en
anybedy with a nese.
There’s a geed side te all this, hewever. The
layers ef filth afferd yeu a natural +1 armer»,
benus and the unnatural eder gains yeu a +1
benus te Smellcasting. Df ceurse, yeu get a -1
penalty te yeur Charisma, but seme might
argue that's a small price te pay.
1_ag3a'Ta“"::.i
a ‘Neirl:l'E:lge?. Duly -ti-eergieiar knee-s..
',__|__.. ' '1
 Freak fleenrenee Magnet
Requirements: Nevice
it’s very strange. Weird stuff just seems te
happen te yeu all the time. S-emetimes it’s
geed and semetimes it's had. it's inexplicable,
'.-but anytime yeu rell the same number en yeur
Wild [lie and whatever ether die yen are
relling {even snake eyes; if relling multiple _
dice they all must land the same} semething
peculiar happens. Whenever this eccurs.
ignere the actual rell result, rell a d2tl and
censult the fellewing chart, then rerell yeur
initial dice {including the Wild Die}:

Freak {leeureuee Result

+1 henna te yeur rerell.

-l penalty te yeur rerell.
+1 henna te yeur eppenent'a
neat rell.
-l penalty te yeur eppenent'a
neat rell.
+2 henna te yeur rerell.
-2 penalty te yeur rerell.
+2 henna te yeur eppenent‘a
neat rell.
-2 penalty te yeur eppenent'a
neat rell.
+3 henna te yeur rerell.
-3 penalty te yeur rerell.
Yen are Shaken [er anffer a
weund if already Shal-ten].
Yeur eppenent ia Shalcen [er
suffers a vveund if already
Shel-zen].
20 +1 henna te all yeur rells fer the
rest ef the day.

The Bass decides exactly what the freak

eccurrence is f a bug gets in yeur eye, a
‘passing giggity takes a dump en yeu1'
.'F-l.
‘I.

eppenent's head, it starts te snew, yen inhale

a passing reek. etc-..) but the chart result is
IL
II"
J’
"applied regardless ef whatever silly nensense
-_
, ._ ur Bess can think up. If the chart result dees
._1_ "net make sense, such as when it affects a Eaudlinass

nenesistent eppenent, just ignere the effect

and rerell the initial dice as usual.
Leaarseain’ Enaas
Cult fellewing
Requirements: Legendary, Spirit d‘l2
‘Ward ef yeur deeds and pewer has reached
the hearts and minds ef the pepulace {at least
a part ef it anyway}. A small cult has termed
with yeu as its central figure. it greup ef itdfltl
gig‘ beings new hang en yeur every ward. They
.. _ _‘,.- "twill de just abeut anything yeu ask them te.
"I-
including cemmit suicide er murder. Yeu are
well en yeur way te gawdheed.
-i-
Face llu'Iunchin'
Requirements: Legendary. Smarts d'12+,
Arcane liackgreund {Hecus Peker er Weirde}
This mystical skill gives ene the pewer tn
abserb the memeries and histeries ef ancient
seuls.
- if The face muncher, as ene whe practices this
_
n"
art is called, begins by carving a stylized
likeness ef the deceased being ent ef weed er
sculpting it ent ef mud er pee. "v"ariens arcane
rites are periermed, lasting abeut an heur er
se and using varieus materials werth abeut
Still clams, after which the face becemes
irnhued with the memeries ef the dead being.
Te abserb the memeries the face mnncher
must nibble the cenntenance in a precise
manner, a precess that takes ltl reunds.
Te determine the degree ef success, the face
muncher mal-tea a Smarts rell. A success
means he has abserbed seine trivial memery,
such as the subject’s middle name er his
brewnie recipe. 31''. raise indicates a greater
memery, such as a histeric event er cryptic
secret. With twe er mere raises the muncher
may ask specific qnestiens ef the deceased
seui, gaining precise knewledge and detailed
l"l‘tEt'[‘i'DI'li.'-_"S. The knewledge gained must be
semething lcnewn by the dead being while it
was alive, and, very impertantly, a physical
relic er remnant ef the deceased is required
fer the precess te werlc preperly.
Gawdliness
Requirements: Legendary, Cult Fellewing
‘feur cult has new grewn inte an actual
religien. llltl-'ltllli.l [ltldlll it "till peeple new
think yen are a gawd. ‘they erect temples in
yeur name, persecute sinners, gain cnnverts,
and preach the gespet ef yeu [whatever yeu
decide that is]. A sect ef ]—lely Rellers terms.
deveted te yeur teachings.
The size ef yeur fleck deubles every year as
mere and mere beings are drawn tn yeur
ways. The way this plays nut is the subject ef
many pessible adventures and is ultimately
decided by the Bess.
Supreme Bad Ass
Requirements: Legendary, Fighting d't2+,
Sheeting cl'l2+, Threwing d'l2+
as a master ef weapenry ef all serts yen
kick all kinds ef butt. with this Edge yeu gain
a further +1 benus te all Fighting, Sheeting,
and Thrnwing re]ls_

_-_
36 Eli course the mast farncus i_aI:e H"tlflti'H!.'1' si all -‘llrnc is The Fate Merchant. He sure rs -use

-. "..i-- ‘u .
 A Brief introduction to the Religious and Faiths of Maths Oith
Clith is literally infested with crazy
philosophies. biaarre faiths. and fanatical
religions. Think something up and there's a
good bet somebody else thought of it first and
has formed a cult dedicated to espousing.
worshipping or destroying whatever it is.
Springing forth from this festering swann of
cults and sects too numerous to name are a
few major religions that have gained some
validity and legitimacy among the general
populace. Beings have to helieve something.
one supposes. and these five religions have
gathered the most converts ever the years so
you get to learn about them in more detail.

BooaeLs.aaa1aHIssr

"Elli Inrefsc he tie to Boorgicaitr. to inherit all praise

is rims ltlittt relics’ tlic Uffitfi‘fltit the Faces of
”
Creittfnii_

A popular and mostly benign religion.

Boorgleaarianism is dedicated to the worship
of Eoorgleaar, the cosmic dung beetle. and the
teachings of its prophet. the venerant croach
Shimmia-ar_ Boorglexarians are common
throughout the world. with temples and
shrines in most cities and towns worldwide.
its the state religion of That Dne Place Witlt
All The Sand. where apostacy is a sin. and is
very popular among croaches. who feel a sort
of kindred relation with Boorgleaar and
his} her dung rolling ways.
According to the tenets laid down centuries
ago by Slrimmiaar in a series of holy texts
known as The Eloorglebiblios. Eroorgleaar is
both male and female. eunuch and slut. It is all
things to all beings; vengeful and kind.
wasteful and frugal. immense and tiny.
coprophage and gourmand all at once. This ll-oorgleiarian

strange dichotomy of being is what makes the

religion so popular. Basically people feel free fielded Wl1ores”; are a collection of castrated Sins: Blasphemy [maior}; failure to observe‘
to act hovvever they want. and in so doing pimps and sluts who 1'un holy brothels in the high holidays {minor}; killing {major} or
claim they are following in the myriad name of Eoorgleaar. attempting to plumb the injuring {minor} an ordained holy roller of
footsteps of G-awd. Appropriately. this sort of esoteric depths of its cryptic sexuality. A Eoorgleaar; killing a dung beetle {mortal}.
feeling is most common among the laity second cult; known as "The Undecided"; roll
rather than the clergy. True devotees are more a specially constt'ucted gaming die called a
interested in gaining converts and spreading Sample Cube of Sacramental Resolve
Cube [they call it a cube even though it has
influence than attending to their ow n whims The cube {d12} is rolled first thing in the
twelve sides} of Sacramental Resolve each
and desires. They know that in moderation morning or whenever a decision must be
morning to determine how they will behave
lies the path to true enlightenment. Do all made {depending on how orthodox the
fot' the rest of the day. Some devotees are so
things. but do nothing to excess {except Eoorglezarian is}.
fanatic that every decision they make must be
worship Boorgleaar}. dictated by such a cube.
Many diverse sects of Boorgleaarianisrn dl2 Result dl2 Result
Symbol: A spherical ball of dung. often
have split from the central diocese over the [ll Friendly I]? Mean
worn about the neck on a metal collar or
centuries. Each of these is unique and [ll i3tpathetic [13 Sensitive
gilded chain.
generally focuses on a single aspect of [I3 Quiet U9 Dbnoxious
Sacrifices: Dfferings of wealth and service
Eoorgleaar or another. For example. one D4 Cowardly lfl I-leroic
to the church; bonfires of dung.
particular cult. fancying themselves "The [l5 Happy '11 lvloro-se
as Abstinant 12 Horny

The Boorglezarium in the Tests of Eoorglezarf-hes a lovely gift shop nhererfyolu

-- can buy ‘lo'=';"la_l-;.gl__|'rorne ‘to your larvae
_. —
£E_lIl1"';Eoi:7r'5i"l':e-zars
H‘!

Hoosi,u'sIT.atlliuvtsrui
"Coat you dig it, my peoples?
The Hoom.-mnrcs. iu mile in wisdom and litrrefi of
ill lliotigltl will soutctfny rise again, tmti‘ relies iltcy
do tltey-“re germs be pissed!"
.- ll’.-- -:I
Much as a rancid slog dog is a p1'ecu1'sor to
the runs, Hoomanitarians believe that the
ancient Hoornanrace were a p1'ecu1'sor to the
gawds. Dig this, they a1'e of the mind that the
Hoomanrace was a race of demigawds, sort of
protodieties that led lives of b1'illiance and
wonder, c1'eating ma1'vels and thinking high
thoughts. They were like infant gawds,
prepubescent but nonetheless glorious. The
'
Time of the Flush, say the scriptures, was the
catalyst that put proverbial hair in the artnpits
of these fledgling divinities, an era of
tribulation and challenge that allowed the
Hoomanrace to transcend its Clitlily form and
join the other gawds in the celestial realtns. it
left the Ditli bereft of their wondrousness, but
the promise of their return. as prophesied by
‘fuckatash Glorp, first of his name, centuries
ago, d1'ives many to worship and obeisance.
Artifacts of the Hoomanrace, no matter how
small o1' insignificant, a1'e eagerly gathered by
followers of this faith. Holy rollers labor
tirelessly in their great museum temples
trying to piece together the mysteries of these
antediluvian whatnots in an attempt to better
understand the divine nature of the
1-iaarnanitarians and Jeezle
Hoomanrace and thus prepare for its inun-
inent return. It's tough to get these guys to
stop talking about how wonderful things
were back in the olden days so it’s usually
best to run away or look busy if you see one
coming. Elf course few beings know more
about the Hootnanrace than oldsters of the
church so they can be a grand source of
information if you need to know about these
sort of things.
As with all major religions, there are
several sects and cults that have splintered
from the church and chosen a related path of
worship. :1. group known as "The Eiblinghood
of the Lost Remote" believe that all Hooman-
race artifacts contain a spark of the divine. if
one can amass enough such relics and
decipher their meanings one can himself
attain gawdhood. A second cult, a sinister and
secretive group called ”The Handlers of Man"
are dedicated to the eradication of all other
religions. Holy wars would be tnore common
if this sect was larger, but until more converts
arrive they content themselves with assass-
ination and propaganda.
Symbol: titny relic of the Hoomanrace.
Sacrifices: Eloriations of Hoomanrace
artifacts, wealth, and service to the church;
Long rituals of obesiance and purification.
Sins: Blasphemy against the Hoomanrace
{maior}; destroying a Hoomanrace artifact
willfully {mortal} or accidentally {major};
farting in church [minor].
Ft-eatts_ usually get along ck. Eut both
l-lccmanit arlans
jam
-I--1--
, '_'"l'*':~ ' ':_;1-_.
]sr~:a.Ls Faeaktslvt
“Let be iolio is rettlttaut sin cast the
first t‘flfllt'.*iI‘ti|llt'. Mirrcy lieliy. .»='tmeu"'
It is said, by those who say such things,
that even the Hoomanrace had deities.
I'-Jobody knows all that much about Iliern, but
the various clues and artifacts unearthed by
wisenheimers and oldsters over the ages have
yielded a variety of clues that is, if not
comprehensive or even very informative, at
least enough on which to base a major world
religion and shape the faiths and destinies of
hundreds of thousands of follcnvers through-
out history.
Fut this in your nose and blow it, Jeeele
Freaks worship one of these ancient gawds of
the Hoomanrace. although much is shrouded
in mystery, quite a bit has been gathered
regarding this inexplicable divinity. His
followers called him ”The tiling,” as they still
do today, but he was known alternately as
]e.-e1':le, jelvis, jeezle Pete, and a dozen other
names and titles.
In defiance of all that is known of magic in
the age of the l-Ioomanrace, this mysterious
figure was supposedly seen alive, in various
restaurants and nursing homes, after the time
of his apparent demise. It is known the
establishment of the day disapproved of his
teachings, which were said to corrupt the
youth of the day. Despite animosity from all
are despised by Jernimals Witnesses.
sides he was fend ef sayings such as "flen‘t be Ceuntless cremefillians ef taday hener
cruel” and "Leve thy neighber.” ,-“tccerding te their subjugated ancesters and eppese their
a rare piece ef script-ure unearthed during an histeric termenters by fellewing the strictures
escavatien ef an ancient Heentanrace burial and tenets ef the Jemima’s Witness. Rather
site, "his ceuntenance was like lightning, and than fecus their beliefs areund the wership ef: - —i

his raiment white as snew.” Hence the white a particular gawd, Jemima's Witnesses
|_

jump suits emblazened with lightning belts instead cheese te fecus their anger and wrath
favered by sente ef his clergy. upen the Heemanrace and its haleful deityta-_r""
The church ef Jeezle Pete is a pewerfully Jemima. Religieus cerentenies invelve |.';l:1e
structured and influential bedy. The central shattering ef amber glass ideis ef Jemima,
church is lecated in New Elerlquar, just acress sacrifice and desecratien ef l-leernanrace
frem The lvlether ef Pill Markets. r-‘ti its head, artifacts, and the ritual clefilement ef the
in a threne made ef rhinestenes and white Dingdem Hall ef jernima’s Witnesses, a
-L?‘
percelain, sits the Great Pentif, an efficial massive glass structure in the city efTeast.
elected by the varieus cardinals, bisheps, ]em;irna’s Witnesses epenly epp-ese the
eparchs and hely hermits ef the land. The varieus effnrts ef l-leernanitarians te call the
current pentif is Righteeus Daddy "(elk Heemanrace back te C.‘-lith. A sect knewn as__
Helywafer Kill, a warm frem Iiieister Island. The Dei'icfeirs Creiiie-Fiflcii Center efdll dedicate"
Temples te jelvis are in just ab-eut every city, themselves te destreying all evidence ef the
tewn, village, and heldfast eutside ef The l-leemarnrace, burning temples and museums,
Dingdem ef the Deng and That f.Ilne Place slaughtering histerians and clergy, and
With All The Sand. basically denying the ancient eppressers ever
Cif ceurse there are a gaztillien and twelve existed. Serne, particularly these in a splinter
-:.iifferent sects and cults relating te Jeeale sect knewn as The Teeili ef Clrecegaier, make a
Freakism threugheut the werld, but they all habit ef attacking and brutaliaing bed uls, whe '
pretty much say the same thing: feel guilty they believe are descended frem the”: ’
abeut everything yeu de because yeu den't Heemanrace. This sert ef behavier
knew if Jelvis weuld appreve er net. lt’s net disceuraged by the central church, but if =="i'"
'
surprising, given this philesephy, that vews central church appreved they weuidn’t need a
ef chastity, peverty, silence, and the like are splinter sect, weuld they?
cemmen ameng the clergy. Symbel: A filthy dew rag.
Symbel: The letter "i" and a lightning belt. Sacrifices: Glass ideis ef Jemima and her'§;.".??
Sacrifices: W'ealth; charity; cenfessien: evil herde; I-ieemanrace artifacts.
prayer; permance; free will. Sins: Eating a pastry {miner}; using a
Sins: Levin’ yeurself, levin' ethers, net l-ieemanrace artifact accidentally {majerj er
levin' ethers, murder; rebbery; adultery; willfully {medal}.
ceveteusness, acknewvledging ether gawds;
playing bad music: dishenering ene's parents;
blasphemy; failing te ehrserve helidays; lying; S*r,i.i-nsivt
ethers depending en vews [see page 31] {all
miner te mertal depending en the situatien}. "l_'.le mite elliers i’t'fft’I.fL"fJE'f' yeti te.-nit."

Stan is the granddaddy ef lies and deceit.

]eMIMa's WITHESSISM ties the great granddaddy ef greed and I
avarice and the secend ceusin twice remeved
"f1ert‘ifile iirnys melrc lief an end e,t'et=il, ef apathy, glutteny, and villainy. His brether
but ferrite liriirtvf emf :-imfice ltelifiirf flitvii. is anger and his daughter is lust. That’s what
"
. . .:me' the-f‘s_,ffiie all fit as.’ the scriptures say anyway. Te Stan's-
feliewers, the peinty herned trickster is g~
Accerding ta scriptures accumulated ever very epiteme ef perrnissien and license.
the centuries by crentefillian religieus The central dectrine af the Sin—e—gegue ef
schelars, the lives ef early cremefillians were a ice alc Fr ca I-t Stan is "De whatever yeu want. If it's fun it
legacy ef tertu re, cenfinement, an-:.i eventual must be geed." That about sums it up.
deveurment. They were cruelly created in Stanismists are all abeut deing whatever they.
massive vats, like same sert ef lewly want. Df ceurse Stan prefers if a bit ef trickery
centanimatrenic miniens, incarcerated in and vice are inveived, se his fellewers try te
flimsy, airljght centainers, and eventually appease him in that regard. In gener.
seld fer nutritive censumptien. The culprit ef Stanismists are neterieus drug addicts, '-.,,'
these crimes? —The ancient Heernanrace! ergyists, clam hearders, and party rnengers.
it is written, and preven by unearthed Stan leeks dewn en charity and ceinpassien,
Heemanrace relics [the very cardbeard since these sert ef things tend te give him
ceffins that imprisened the primerclial indigestien. Supreme in Stan's eyes are the
tweenks}, that the i-leemanrace, te satisfy its fundamentals ef trickery, deceit, self-
ewn depraved glutteny, and under the indulgence, and egecentrisrn [Stanismists are
leadership ef its gawd—queen, the ene knewn enceuraged te be egecentric as lung as they
as jemirna, the Hestess ef Hate, did suffer still pay ebeisance te Stan}. I
unte the cremefillians such herrers r-‘iccercling ie pepular mythelegy Stanisreis“
an-:.l debasements as te render them the werld’s eldest religien. Stan is said he the
helpless and abysntally eppressed nemesis ef Jelvis [The ,e.nti—]ee.a] and creme-
fer centuries. fillians believe he first whispered syrupy
peisen inte the ear ef the I-lestess ef Hate.
._._ . _ .
Whatever the truth ef it, Stanismists
a-

Jtrrerding ta The Eeacl E-ee_l-tj"l|sh|-tatiilitile ]:Hl, Jeerie _PeT,_g,-_'lliad a fandnessilflli-flijelly clenuts a-idggflsh_.
--
"1-—u 2- gr‘ ,._.. -1,
.--E."
 l1=.-“en around a lung time and the religion has
gune thrciugh many fundamental changes
since the days til the Hcienianrace.
Hundreds cif Stanic sects have IZDITIf_" and
gene ever the ages. lvlcist such cults are
'-dedicated tn the espciusal cif cine cir anether cif
_ _ the fundamental ideals cif Stanisin, such as
avarice {The Clamdiggers), gluttciny fl"he
Guiiet Gcirgers], lust and wrath [The Phallus
cif Malice}, perversien (The Seclc-pliilistsl, and
decepticin {The Whikers ef the Eleven Tee}.
Syrnbel: A middle finger er a nicicining butt.
Sacrifices: Cannibalistic bleed cirgies, living
creatures, enanisni, practical juices and
trickery, theft.
Sins: Charity (miner l.D tnajci1'},* ccinipassicin
frnincirl; healing ulhers {miner tcr rnajer}; self
denial [miner tci niajcirji; entering the temple ef
ancither gawd withciut sciniehciw desecrating
it {miner}; wcirshipping anether gawd (mertal).
CULT5 37 MINOR B£.LIGIDI'~2l.t-‘.-
The inhabitants c-f Dith wership in an
amazing rnultil-ude ef diverse and varied
ways. l-[ere is just a small sampling ef the vast
array ef cults and miner religiens that riddle
the werld like leech hales in lvleenular cheese:
1'6
iitaaanimites: is wildly fanatic gre-up bf Zygetulenianisnl {The Unborn]: This is an
everachievers and sycriph ants whe want te be interesting ene. These dudes think they aren’t
first in everything {including alphabetical |:rcirn yet. linear with me, they think this life is
erder]. They wc-rship riaaa, a gawd ef just the filthy wemb that nurtures them and
perfectien and brewn—riesery. teaches them the ways ef things as they
The Bettemliners: A cult tetall y devc-ted tn prepare te be birthed inte a larger, and mere
the sanctified accumilatcin ef wealth and interesting place. Devetees are eften feund in
preperty. These are pretty much the greediest large cities, crying fer their rncimmies and
dudes are-und. The high priest is a creach begging strangers te change their diapers.
named Eenyamin Washing lvlachine, the Their synibnl is the binicy.
Tinloterer in Madness.
The Cellabcu-atars ef Haas fl"he Kass-
labnraters]: These fellnws believe in the
divinity ef l'viennular cheese. They are
eenstantly trying te create living beings cif
cheese.
The Eternal and Pacifistic Erether and
Sister-head ef the wuss: A greup ef
hippielicieus peacenicks whe fereswear the
use at all weapens and pray tn seme sert ef
giant flewer er semething. They spend must
ef their time helding hands and singing.
The Fungish: Dwelling in ginermeus
hellew rnushreums, these smelves wership
The Mess bass, is gentle and benign being ef
maid and fungus. Devetees wear false beards
and rnerlr.ins crafted c-f mess.
The Ice Cream Eecialistst Mere I:-I: a
pelitical greup than an actual religien, these
guys are all abc-ut revelutienary cultural
change thrc-ugh the free distributien cif
cenfectienary treats.
Infernaluphites: Fire wershippers. This is a
really ancient religien that is said te predate
even the l-leernanrace.
Priselcians: This cult, fellewers at a tisn’t
hcil y rnller named Escargellama Can-e—chum,
is dedicated te finding the legendary
Frimerdial Se-up Kitchen and learning
its secrets.
The Eernnambulaters: These guys
think that waking existence is a
dream and enly th raugh deep
slumber can they attain
enliglitenrnent. Yeah, whatever.
Templars at the Deng: These
persenal hely rellers ef the Ding at
the Deng believe he will became
a gawd when he dies.
Iimaerbians: A cult ef eufes
whe wership their ancient ancestcirs
as gawds and pray fer their eventual
return.
Yertians: These misguided seuls
believe in the self—preclairned divinity
ef ‘fart, Bearer ef the ‘rertstick and
lvieasurer ef All Things. Se far there
are enly twenty er se fellewers,
including ‘t"art’s mam.
Zeeglebachianismists: lvian, what a
bunch ef hesers- This misguided
cult, feunded by renewned bully
Zeeglebachian, believe in the divinity
ef suffering. Net there awn suffering,
mind yeu, but the suffering ef c-thers.
They basically wander the werld
hurting peeple, stealing lunch
rneney, and
making
peeple
Elllflliiii l Wflffifi'1 Magic in "£1152. Lands 93$ Mu‘tl1,a O"i‘t-h
3
.'.I3

Wwith the merest gesture I can alter the fabric cnf life. with but a thuughtl can steal year mind. You are mine to [by with.
Urnmmmmrnm... Ynul Bite his nipple crffl He he he... "
-Zarsen 21:10 , Dementalist, Supreme
".'.rI rtt anirna tar
Pick up vnur shnvel and dig this, Clitll is a
-

wnrld that is veritablv infested with wanders.

‘fnu can't swing a dead crnach withnut hitting
snmething fascinating. Take the lvlcrcsnular
Cheese Fields, fer example. Hcrw bften dnes a
lmge chunk nf semething delicicrus fall frcrm
the sky and became a part bf the landscape?
Net very cnften, I can tell vcru. We've got
talking snack cakes, piles bf pen that can kick
ynur ass, bugs that drive wagbns, and buttless
visitors from crther wc.=rlds. Yes indeed, the
Dith, festering crap bucket that it is, is
abse-lutelv 1'eplete with marvelnus things and
wbndrcrus phennmena, nnne perhaps more
fascinating and e:stranI'dinarv than the arcane
Invsteries and eldritch spectacles crf magic.
Clldsters tell us that magic was bre-ught tn
C‘-‘ith lnng age when the last cnntinent bf
Egglantis rnse [mm the sea and shared its
unfathc-mable knnwledge with the rest crf the
wcnrld. During the Time bf the Flush, when
lnvstic pnrtals npened between Dith and the
magical realm bf lvliddle Clith, spewing fcrrth
smelves and hercs and crther disgusting
things, bur knnwledge bf magic was further
enlarged and refined. In the gazillicrns bf
intervening centuries bur nwn wisenheimers
and hncus pnkers have ccrntinued tn research
the Ciitlfs arcane mysteries, imprcrving upnn
earlier wisardries and develbping new nnes.
The fcullnwing pages illuminate a small
sampling at the wnndrcrus and astnnishing
artfcnrms available in the eldritchlj.-' initiated.

CCt1_"~J']jAN IMfiTflR

Arcane Skill: Ccrntanimating Wignr)

Starting Pnwer Paints: lil
Starting Pnwers: 3

"Cleanliness liitiy lie next is gimmlliuess,

lmi grmrris snii Hicmselnes lie re Aliriiglity l-"ilHI."’
—5rlImr:rn'rilr the Genre, Cn:aim::'mster

In all things there is potential. A spark ef

the supernatural resides at the care bf all
matter and in few things is this spark more
vibrant {tn these with the eye to see it) than in
a substance whnse pntential has been wasted,
ignnred, cur imprisnned. Indeed, the mast
patent and vital nf all energies are these Thev are able tn juice the magical and fcnrth the spirits bf filth, inflict devastating
cnntained and enscbnced in the nukular, supernatural ebbs and essences cut all forms nf diseases and sceurges, enliven and animate-'
binlngical, and magical wastes and residues trash, refuse, and waste, distilling and beings and mininns cnf trash and waste, hasten
abscrrbed, embedded, and rejected 1%}: i'v'i|_iil"tfl channeling the inherent infhiences bf such rent and decay, crumble edifices, manipulate
Dith since ancient times. substances intb powerful enchantments and light and darkness, and crtherwise wave the
Cnntanimatnrs are the masters of such filth. wanders. With but a gesture and an scepter bf grime, sewage, and debris.
incantatic-n, a skilled cclntanimatc-r can raise
' I
nnji
-7?’
Llutnn Erepiulias. neterinus Eli!-|'Ii3|1l|T'3i't)l" n{,,I_."F|eem. peed
1|! .
his p'aҤ"i'i'
'%—
-:.
1
-H‘

All this mucking abeut with paranermal
ferces, nukular energies, and bielegical
pathegens takes a tell en these whe lred this
sidewalk. Centanimaters are habitually
cerrupt and vile, disease ridden, sickly, and
bitter. The energies they harness are difficult
te centrel, elten leading dewn a path el
madness and despair. Ell ceurse, pewe1' is a
petent placebe. A let ef discemfert can be
ignered er telerated if the prize is high
eneugh. They may be a disgusting and seiled
bunch, but centaniinaters wield pewet'
rivaled by few and enthralling te all.
The cere discipline ei the centanimater's
art is the censtructien and centre] ef centani-
malzrenic niiniens, slaves, devices, and
1'2 Therels a rurner
.1"
g¥"'-_
. __. _
_I.
-
|--
guardians. lvlest ef these things are created
use ef the new Centanimate Fewer, detailed a
few pages item here.
Sickness: Whenever a centanimater rells a
I en his Centariimating die {regardless ef his
Wild Die), he is everceme with a tit ef painful
ceughs and vemiting and is autematically
Shaken. Because ef their special nature.
crernefillian centanimaters are unaffected by
this sickness.
Diausr-i1"a.LIsT
Arcane Skill: Elementalism [Smarts]
Starting Fewer Peints: 15
Starting Pewers: 2
"My brain fins :1 initial affts area. "
-Xftiiirt:-zit e,t'tltc Nfutlt Dtwie:-iifeii
i-‘ts mentiened betare, ne
eriginally indigeneus te lylutha Clith is able te
manipulate and harness the eldritch pewers
ef his ewn mind. The Dithly mind is just net
built that way. l'~let sn the mind ef the mighty
eete, ence and ancient visiters te this warped
and bletted werld. ivlany eefes, as a matter et
ceurse, are able te directly manipulate matter
and intellect threugh the pewer ef the mind
alene. I-lead y stuff indeed, but existent
nenetheless.
All a dementalist needs te de te activate
such a pewer is te cencentrate_ With a
winseme theught he can heal sicknesses ef
the head, enthrall a I'l‘liI'Ii-.'Jn, manipulate and
metivate matter, fire, centre]
create
tunctiens and faculties ef his awn L-edy, and
perferm a huttlead et ether zany mental feats.
Element-alists are a preud and an-egant
bunch, teuting their pewers ab-eve ethers and
lerding themselves abeve the sycephanls and
paparazzi that surreund them. The Element-
ienal Eliscetesticus, an erganixatien teunded
by Ijummm Eilech et the Twelfth Tjementien,
exists te further the aims and influence ef
dementalists. it is headquartered in Fleem,
with chapters and secial clubs in many ef the
majer settlements ef the werld_ Clstensibly the
Discetesticus claims werld deminatien as its
geal, but the member eefes generally just sit
areund playing cards, eating taces, and
n'1entally undressing passersby_
spreading areu-ii:l fleern that says lluulen iirepules
-;.1__
-
.
Brainfari: A dementalist whe tells a 1 en
his Dernentalism die (regardless ef his Wild
Die) is autematically Shaken as unexpected
mental flatulence sends him inte a fit ef
distracted giggling.
Hecus ]f'exs.1=i.
Arcane Skill: I-lecus Peking (Smarts)
Starting Fewer Peints: ‘ill
Starting Pewers: 3
"Ttxve’s it let mere te palrfiig tiecf tliaii iiiaiiiiig
year arms areimrl lllft.’ tut .-"dint amf lmhlrlfiig
iieiiseiisfciilly. That's first it firfitgc lrciiefit. ”
-iaritii Strariirter, Fairer efHeci
Ever since the Egglantians and Middle
Clithlings epened the metapherical arcane
creature
fleedgates, magical energies have ceursed
threugh the figurative veins ef lvlutha Clith
like bleed threugh the literal veins ef
sameene with real veins. tvlagic imbues
everything newadays. Di ceurse, yeu’ve
still get te be sensitive te it, trained, as it
were, in the manipulatien and detectien ef
such energies, te make any use ef it all.
Th-at’s where hecus pekei's ceme in. They
are all abeut magic. They really get intci the
whele waving yeur arms areund and
chanting like an idiet thing.
That's pretty much the essence et hecus
peking. ‘ifeu gesticulate wildly and babble
nensense until semething interesting
the
happens. lf yeu knew what yeu’re deing,
serne pretty fascinating things can ensue. A
skilled hecus peker can dn just abeut
anything, trem launching flan-iing balls ef
snet eut ef his ears te flying witheut wings.
Hecus Pekers are pretty much the mest
versatile and widespread ef C|ith’s
practitieners ef the arcane. Sure. they can't
heal the sick er take ever peeple’s minds,
hut wha needs te de that when yeu can fire
a belt ef lightning frem yeur belly butten?
Elen’t get the sense that practitieners ef
magic are cemmen er anything. They aren’t_
it takes a great deal ef discipline and skill te
unravel the nigh unfathemable mysteries nf
the arcane. It's just that. ef a rare bunch,
hecus pekers are the least rare- Evert at
medium rare. se te speak. Several
erganizatiens and guilds ef hecus pekers
exist. They are fairly widespread in the
cities ef the werld and in places like the
Fieister ef Gawd where arcane energies are
fecused, but are neterieusly sncibby and
difficult te jein.
Fizale: Unite in a while, {anytime a hecus
peker rells a ‘i en his Hecus Peking die,
regardless ei his Wild Die] a hecus peker
will screw up. In such a case he is
autematically Shaken- in the rare instance
that he rells a "l en bath his Hecus Peking
die and his Wild Die, the hecus pciker
temperarily fergets the Fewer he was
attempting te use and cannet access it again
until he has rested far at least an heur.
is marking an sernething big.
 ln general, holy rollers are the priests and preachers of their faith.
lvlany wander the world seeking converts, while others tend to stable
flocks and churches. Still others wage holy war against their enemies,
perceived enemies, and erstwhile friends. Although most holy rollers
belong to an established church, others pray to an ideal, such as the
weather, the passage of time, self delusion, or roaring fire. if it exists,
it's a good bet somebody worships it. _ .-
Sacrifice: in order to prove their faith, holy rollers are often called"
upon to perform sacrifices. The specific item or being to be sacrificed is
decided by the holy roller’s particular religion, as is the method and
instrument of the sacrifice. A holy roller may attempt to perform one i
sacrifice each day. To do so, he gathers the sacrificial object or i__- I
and performs the requisite rituals. He then makes a Spirit roll. if he id -»._. .;';;
successful, and for each raise, he gains 5 additional Power Points that
last for the remainder of the day. If he fails, his faith is questioned and _
he suffers a -2 penalty to his Holy Rolling rolls for the rest of the day.‘
A particularly grand sacrifice, such as that of a holy relic of a .'r.'-I."
competing religion, may carry a larger, or longer lasting reward {at the
whim of the Boss}.
Sin: Holy rollers who violate the tenets of their religion are
punished for their transgressions. lvlinor sins give the sinner a -2 to his
Holy Rolling rolls for one week. lvlajor sins may cause him to lose his
arcane powers entirely for one week, while a mortal sin could rob him
of his miraculous abilities indefinitely- A major act of penance is
required to atone for a mortal sin. -

_ .
‘l-

_'. ""-- " - ai-

_-¢— -5'5-+— Horus Poker

I-IoLy B.o1.LIs[t

Arcane Skill: Holy Rolling {Spirit}

Starting Power Points: ll] {but see below}
Starting Powers: 2

" ..nuri yeaii, nrrily, did Hooscpiinl target llilllllilfll'li,lt'lltl iiegnl Licfifious,
rolrosc fiflicr did oeriiy provide a protrid.-sucr.‘ of sings upou file land and apart
tire seas and upon tire fraud ofali crouciiiioiir, so that all could lre_,n‘i3d, t-erily,
nml lit’ struck flit’ sing and it did ruuuctii with delicious crf'me
filling. . .i=erily... "
-lvleruio the flufrfller, Student of lllcology

Holy rollers are religious fanatics. They are so fanatic, in fact, that
they are actually able to manifest supernatural powers through the
might of their faith. It's true. All it takes is a bit of praying, the laying
on of a few hands, and the occasional sacred ritual backed up by a
coprolite hard devotion to whatever it is your faith espouses, and Holy Holler

you’ve got yourself a miracle. Elf course every religion espouses

different virtues and -::ondemns different transgressions, which is why
an entire section of this book deals with the doctrines, sins, virtues, and
beliefs of various Dithly creeds and faiths.
This page has ‘two -roliirrlr:-s instead tit three ;5b-Ffly about ‘that.
3MEI..I..C,&5'_fE]t

Arcane Skill: Smellcasting {Smarts}

Starting Power Points: 12
Starting Powers: 3

"5l:lilrl:lil:l:l Do you smell that?

That's the stsurla sfport=sr.”
—Br:'tlio the Silrm‘ (But [Jcs.ri"ly,l

The smellements are the fundamental spiritual essences of all the universe’s various stinks, odo1's,
and fragrances. Witltout the smellements we wouldn't need noses, except to breathe and to look
sexy, because there wouldn't be anything to smell. The smellements imbue all things, for all things
have a scent. They are generally content to mind their own business. which is basically to just sit
there, invisible and intangible, and stink. There is, however, great powe1' in the smellements, as
essences of nature, but it remains, for the most part, untapped and unnoticed. In general a
smellement can't do much more than inflict a bit of nausea, seduce a potential mate, or cause a room
to clear, but in the trained hands and schnoz of a smellcaster, it can do far more indeed.
Smellcasters are magicians who have mastered the arcane rituals and languages needed to coax,
combine and harness the smellements, exploiting their supernatural faculties and coalescing them
into mystical vapors known as reeks. Reeks are extremely potent gasses, bestowing numinous
powers upon those who inhale them.
Typically, a smellcaster is armed with dozens of reeks, contained in bottles and flasks, ready at a
moment’s notice to be opened by a cork-popping thumb and inhaled through questing nostrils.
Smellcasters can either [as a single action} inhale their reeks themselves, blow them in the direction
of others, or hurl the flasks into the midst of others so that the escaping reek can do its thing
elsewhere. A reek from a shattered vessel will fill an area two yorts across [small burst template}
before dissipating, affecting all those within the area.
The coalescing and bottling of reeks is a difficult and time consuming
.-'1,,-
__
.
:r
" process. It takes roughly Ell minutes per Power Rank {a Novice Power lakes
J

'
I? .r'.' _" ' f‘ necessary obeisances and rituals. After the requisite time has passed, the
- .—" smellcaster must make a Smellcasting roll and pay the necessary Power
Points. These Power Points are not recovered until the reek is released [after
which time they return at the normal rate].
A reek’s effect on its inhaler is identical to the Power imbued into it,
including any bonus effects or extended duration for raises or extra Power
Points spent at the time of bottling. Bottled reeks can be given o1' sold to
others, who may use them normally.
Smellernental Vengeance: If a smellcaster rolls a 1 on his Smellcasting
die {regardless of his Wild Die} he has upset the smellements, who bestow
upon him a peculiar odor for the rest of the day. This scent can be just about
anything, from freshly baked burritos to freshly digested burritos, but
whether pleasant or unpleasant it is strong and noticeable. Also, the bottle
being used to capture the reek is shattered and unusable.

Wstaoo

Arcane Skill: Weirdltess [Smarts]

Starting Power Points: 'lfl
Starting Powers: 2

"Wlmt this lmttc-H do? Darla! Holy gossiu’ crap!”

—lr:qr::'sita'n: Sirtslfirt the nrorltsltop ofwcird Willis

Weirdos are artificers and inventors of the arcane. They craft and employ
devices and apparatuses imbued with eldritch powers and influences. Each
device is a unique thing, enchanted with magical energies and potent
wizardry. Weird devices range from the seemingly pointless, like a device
that uses telekinesis to comb your hair for you, to incredibly destructive,
such as a knife that fires forth bursts of lightning on command. Weirdos
take great pride in their work, often paying as much attention to the
mundane construction of their devices as they do their enchantments.
A weirdo can create one specific device for each power he possesses. Each
device has Power Points equal to those of the weirdo, which increase as his
increase and he fiddles with his existent devices. The explicit details of each
device must be recorded as it is invented. For example, a weirdo may
decide, with his first power, to choose the telekinesis power and and create
. ya gloved hand that can float across a room and pirnp slap his enemies.
.~.,'_'. '3; That power must forever be used to create that particular device

I

[and exact replicas ef it, in the event it is lest}.
Fer his secend pewer, the weirde can cheese a
new pewer er use telekinesis te create a
different sert ef device, such as a hevering
teel chest er an autematic slingshet. A device
can be enchanted with mere than ene pewer,
such as a flaming backscratcher that fires balls
ef fire and alse heals these whese backs it
scratches [using the belt and healing pewers}.
Te create such a device, a weirde must have
access te a werkshep, er at least a cem petent
set ef teels. it takes E heurs per Fewer Peint te
enchant a weird device, plus whatever time it
takes te create the mundane ferm ef the
device {unless the weirde is enchanting a
device made by semeene else, which is fine}.
At the end ef the time spent enchanting the
device, the weiI'de must make a WeiI'dness
rell. if he is successful, the device werks
nermally. If he fails, the enchantment fiesles
and he must start ever again.
Te activate a weird device that can be
maintained, such as the fleating teel chest
mentiened aheve, all the weirde must de is
make a successful Weirdness rell. Raises may
increase the effects ef the pewer nermally.
Fewers that require an eppesed rell, such
as puppet, alse use the weirde's Weirdness
rell.
Active devices, such as the lightning
spewing knife mentiened earlier, furtctien as
n
1." I
ll l l ""ll -
I " .i.
I’
they are used. They ma:-,' use a different skill,
such as Driving, Sheeting, er Fighting, instead
ef Weirdness. Each use ef the device uses up
the required ameunt ef Fewer Feints, which
are regained nermallv at the rate ef ene per
heun
A weirde may give his devices te ethers,
but he can enlv have a single device in
eperatien fer each pewer he has. A
nen—weirde using a weird device still makes a
default Weirdness rell as usual, unless a
different skill is mere applicable. If a device is
lest er stelen, a weirde can will it te cease
fu nctienin g and create a new ene ef the same
type.
Sheclcly ‘Werlcrnartship: If a weirde, er
anvene else using a weird device, mile a 1 en
his skill die when attempting te aciiviate a
weird device {regardless ef his Wild Die), the
device breaks and can net be used again until
it is fixed, which requires Ede heurs and a
successful use ei the Repair skill.
-.-.+'
IE-Ertellawish-gre a1_,g-a--....-.g_e rude known
'
Nsw Pewens
CUHT,rt.NIMfi.'[IDt~l
Rank: Special
Fewer Peints: Special
Range: Teuch
Deratien: Permanent
'
This spell is the means by which ,.a_.,.___
centanirnater is able te breathe life inte all 143‘
censtructed shell ef trash and filth, bringing te
life a centarninatrenic minien. The precess is a
lengthy ene, fraught with petential danger and
cataclysmic failure. l"v’lan_v centanirnaters are-
driven insane by the twisted energies and
catastrephic ferces invelved in this pewerful and
eft-ferbidden act. Here's the gist, but remember,-
ence veu read it, veu can't unread it.
First thing's first, the centanirnater must create
a suitable husk ef muck, smut, and debris. This
b-eclv can be made ef iust abeut any sert ef trash,
but bielegical and nukular materials are mest
petent. This precess takes ene day fer every feur
Fewer Peints spent in the creatien ef the minien.
Clnce an apprepriate bed]; is crafted, the
centariimater is ready te breathe life inte his
‘-
creatien. He makes a Centanimating rell, and if
he is successful the minien is breught te life,
infused with centanimants and ether spirits ef
filth, ferever at the cemmand ef the centanimater
whe created it. l-lalf ef the Fewer Peirits spent in
II"
' +
=-er-'*
uln-
fer __§_H"\~t!£_r'_lt aith animals.
 r'
.-1-

flle"ereation of a minion are regained normally, centanimater. This may be how piles are born {or Raxk 'l:|f'ltl'~l'l'.-‘tl"'«ll."r'l:'l.l"o.l'l' S[l.'|i-‘|'."l-l|.T."s'l-.l'.l

the other half are only regained after the minion is maybe not; who knows?). Novice wuss
destroyed. Contanimatronic minions are among Si-ustiinxl "r"v'itIikt'1' {or lcl-l v,'usst-:s]
the most versatile and potent magically animated ‘v'eteran Mensch {or id-It wankers,
servants to be found on flith. Sure, the weaker Mme Be,-rein‘ or Eds wusses}
‘-contanimators can't make really powerful Rank; Novice l lI.‘I'I'.lll.' fi li1't1isc:' orlcl-l nit:1‘Iscl1cs,
minions, but once they get some experience they Power Points: 3 2tl—l t-t'a11kc1's, or .-l|l.l-lv n'usst:s_l
have the potential to build the ultimate rump Range: Smarts Legendary S liad ass {or ids bruisers,
kicker. The relative might of a minion is a function Duration: 3 {'1 {round} 2d4 mensches, Sds wankers,
of the creator’s rank, as illustrated by this: or 4-:14 wusses]
Ft dementalist with this skill is able to access
Rams Pl’ .r"tllrlln1l:i.' Ski ll l-llgtrs or the thoughts and emotions of others, by making If he so desires, a centanimater may pay fewer
l’ei1‘I ts .-"tl‘illltit's an opposed roll using the target's Spirit versus the Power Points and summon a lesser centanimant
I“-ilovice -1 S dementalist's Elementalism skill. If the target than his rank permits. He must choose the type of
Seasot1t:cl is l ll wins, the dementalist does not learn anything and centanimant he is summoning before he finishes
eteran ll ‘ll the target has a sense that someone is trying to get the spell. Each raise on the Contanimating roll
llt:rtnr' lll I5 l“.1 into his head. If the dementalist wins he is able to . summons an additional centanimant of that type.
Legendary 12 El} 3 read emotions, surface thoughts, and deeply If the Contaniniating roll is a ‘l {regardless of the
hidden thoughts depending on how successful Wild Die}, the centanimants are still summoned,
So a Novice centanimater can spend four his roll was. with a success, the dementalist can but they are pissed eff and commence to attack
Power Points to create a minion with three points read surface emotions and intentions, such as the centanimater. In such an instance the
to raise its attributes {all attributes start at {H}, anger, deception, or smugness. With a raise he contanimator is still sickened and Shaken as
'-rs ' t points to spend on skills, and one Edge or can read the surface thoughts of the target, what usual.
lvlonstrous .='—tbility. is centanimater may not he is currently thinking about. ‘With two raises,
the dementalist can probe deep into the target's New RULE:
imbue a minion with skills that he himself does
not possess. Pretty simple, yes no? mind to learn suppressed or guarded thoughts C.i'tS'['ll"~l-S Seems ,s‘1' Mt.lL‘1‘lf'LE Troteeys
.Added features, such as built in weapons an-d and niemorles.
"armor do not increase the Power Point cost of the rt dementalist may learn one thought or it caster may cheese to cast a spell that
..-a:n.inlon, they just make the material cost more emotion for each round that the power is in effect normally affects only one target, such as Fly or
" {effectively the dementalist may ask one question
liexpensive. Half of the Power Point expenditure is Healing, at multiple targets simultaneously. To
tied to the animation of the minion and does not per round, such as "what is she thinking about do so, the caster must be within range of all of the
regenerate unless the minion is destroyed or right now?" or "Was be abused as a larval"). targets {usually touching them all}. He rolls one
dispelled, at which point they come back at the casting die fer each target and a single Wild Die.
normal rate. a contanimator can dispel a minion it —‘I penalty is applied to each die {except the
" Suatstore CDI~l'InI~lIMahlTS
yr own creation at any time, but he must be Wild Die} fer every target above the first. Since
Rank: Special
'able to physically touch it to do so. each target is assigned a casting die, it is possible
‘ Power Points: Special
All contanimatronic minions have the that the spell will be effective on one target but
I!‘ I-3} B

I E- Construct lvlonstrous Ability. The centanimater Range: Smarts

_-._.__.‘ '_‘;_1" -' Duration: 1 day {1 f day]
net on another. The Wild Die can be applied to
'_'-' 2 _' may install Hindrances in his creation in order to flI‘t}" TETEET.
-'
f
. I gain more points fer Edges and Skills, just as if he
3 3' With this power a centanimater
_' "1. __ was creating an actI.1al character. Contanimatronic
is able to summon forth and
in

I.

' ‘ "“*"«.'.=-' control centanimants, elemental spirits

Cards fer double the Power Point cost.
of filth, disease, and corruption.
"
The contanimants arise from the
_,_ Eoncreated by Black itihlint, a Seasoned
“fill: | it-Cl-1':
ground and follow the orders of the
centanimater for the spe|l’s duration,
after which time they are reabsorbed
Urchin Khlinlethrall
into the Clith.
Minion of Black lilhlint
Contanimants are described in the Bestiary of
Attributes: iftgility as, Smarts d-’l, Spirit d-i,
flitli, later in this tome. The type of centanimant
Strength dlfl, Vigor dli]
summoned is determined by the Contanirnator’s
Skills: Fighting d-S, Shooting d3, intimidation as
rank, thusly:
_ Edges: Block, ivlarksman, Construct {free}

-tr
fl
‘
'.
I-

‘
shell of rusted metal {decent armor]. His left hand
is a slingshot and his right ann is hollow and filled
with slingshot ammo, which falls into his right
__ -hand when he jiggles it in the proper manner.
There it is, simple, yet hideously complex.
Not only must a centanimater sacrifice Power
Points to create a contanimatronic minion, but if
he rolls a i on his Contanimating die {regardless
of the Wild Die], he also permanently loses one
If die of Smarts. if his Smarts ever go below a dd, the
.''‘,',,'?I-..-
__ centanimater is driven insane {the homicidal
I_ type, not the basket weaving type}. If the
centanimater rolls a l on both the Wild die and
the Contanimating die, the minion is still
enlivened, but not under the control of the

,-I-:,._,
 The caster must pap the Fewer Feint cest fer
each target that is affected. Spells with a range ef
self, er these that affect an area can net be cast in
this manner. Pewers that can be used en multiple
targets are: Armer, Beast)’ Lewer Trait, Dispel,
Envirenmental Preteetien, Ftp, Greater Healing,
Healing, Light, Mind lteadin', Puppet,
Duieltness, Speed, Telelrinesis and Telepert.
This abilitp is available te all characters with an
Arcane Bacltgreund Edge ether than Arcane
Baclcgreund I[Smel|caster]_
Araltaate fewens BY Tyre
Gentanimater
Anner, Barrier, Blast, Belt, Beestflewer Trait,
Centanirnate, Elernent-al lvlenipulatien, Entangle,
Envirenmental Pretectien, Deflectien, Fear, Light,
Clbscure, Puppet, Smite, Speed, Stun, Summen
Cent-aninrants, Telekinesis, Telepert, .'-Eemtiie
Dementalist
Armer, Barrier, Blast, Belt, Beast,’ Lewer Trait,
Deflectien, DetectfCenceal Arcana, Dispel,
Envirenmental F'retectien, Fear, Flp, Greater
Healing, I-lealing, Invisibility, l'v1in-d
Puppet, Quicitness, Speak Language, Speed, Stun,
Teleltinesis, Telepert
Hecus Peker
Armer, Barrier, Blast, Belt, lieest,a’Lewer Trait,
Deflectien, DetectfCenceal Arcana, Dispel,
Elemental ivlanipulatien, Entangle,
mental Pretectien, Fear, Flp, lnvisibilitp, Light,
C-‘rbscure, Quiclrness, Shape Change, Smite, Speak
Language, Speed, Stun, Teleitinesis, Telepert
Help fteller
Arrner, Barrier, Blast, Belt, Beestx Lewer Trait,
Deflectien, DetectfCenceal Arcana, Dispel,
Elemental lvlaiiipulatien, Envirenmental
tectien, Fear, Ftp, Greater Healing, Healing, Light,
Dbscure, Quicltness, Shape Change, Smite, Speak
Language, Speed, Stun, Teleltinesis, Zemt-ie
Srnelleaster
Anner, Barrier, Blast, Belt, Beest;’Lc-wer Trait,
Deflectien, Detect;'Cencea| Arcana, Entangle,
Envirenmental Fretectien, Fear, Flp, Greater
Healing, Healing, invisibility, Light, Ctbscure,
Puppet, Quickness, Shape Change, Speak
Language, Speed, Sh.m, Teleltinesis, Telepert,
Zembie
Weirde
Armer, Barrier, Blast, Belt, Beestf Lewer Trait,
Deflectien, DetectfCenceal Arcana, Dispel,
Elemental lvlanipulatien, Entangle, Enviren—
rnental Fretectien, Fear, Flp, Greater Healing,
I-lealing, Invisibilitp, Light, Ctbscute, Puppet,
Quickness, Shape Change, Smite, Speak
Language, Speed, Stun, Teleltinesis, Telepert,
Zernbie
Far It-are suggested trap-pit.-gs and
TRAETINGS
The fellewing list describes several suggested
trappings fer knewn spells. These are enlp
suggestiens. Casters are enceuraged te create
their ewn trappings fer the pewers thep knew.
Trappings eften varp hp the species and
dispesitien ef the caster.
Each purchase ef a pewer has enlp ene
trapping. If peu want te be able te cast belts ef Li
stinkp vemit and belts ef flaming stene peu have
te purchase the belt pewer twice. Fer weircles, a
sample weird clevice is listed in place ef
trappings.
Ate-tea
Centanimater: Filth and trash rise frem the
greund and cling te the target, ferming a
rudimentarp suit ef anner.
Dementalist: An invisible mental barrier
surreuncls the clementalist, pretectirtg him frem
harm.
Hecus Pelter: The caster grews a thick, bug-like
ezceslteleten.
Help Reller: A glewing, translucent image ef a
religieus icen er spmbel surreurtds the help
Readirf, teller.
Emellcastert Vapereus em.issiens eeze frem the Hecus Pelcer: A stream ef cerresive acid launches
inhaler's peres, cushiening blews and leelcing ferth frem the hecus pel:er's epes.
spiffp. Help Reller: A glewing fist ef justice is
Weirde: Prefect-e-ma lic: A wide t:-rimmed hat that sumrnened and preceeds te better the target.
expands and clreeps te cever the wearer en Srnellcaster: A streaking smelleniental ceurses
cenunand [with epe, arm, and leg heles]. frem the battle and nastilp bites the target.
Weirde: Can a’ ldfirrrrrs: A small metal jar that
Envirens launches venemeus spring snakes at the target.
Bassist:
Centanimater: Garbage erupts frem the greund
and ferms a wall. Beesr /’ Lewes. TltAi'['
Dementalist: ‘Shadewp images ef the dementalist Centanimater: The target is either inflicted with a
fe1'm and link arms te make a wall. retting disease er cevered in helpful parasites.
Dementalist: The dementalist thinks abeut the
Hecus Pelter: A giant "tall: te the hand” hand is
ceniurecl. target being weaker er stranger, and it just
lire-
Help Reller: A shining gate made ef pearlescent happens.
silver blecks the wap. Hecus Faker: lvlarching bands and veicanees
Smellcaster: A thick wall ef impenetrable celered appear en the target’s biceps, er his biceps turn
gas with faces and arms in it. upside driwn.
Weircle: Lfrrlriirg Legs: A tinp wall ef legs that Help Heller: a glewing light er chelting smug
grews and shrinlcs en cemmand. The legs can be surreunds the target.
recenfigurecl te ferm small buildings and ether Smellcaster: Melanchelp er triumphant rnuete»-..__ '
‘it?
structures. fills the air.
Weirde: Tlrfnlrmg Cap: A prepeller hat that rnaices
EI.AS'[
the wearer smarter.
Centanimater: Hundreds ef theusancls ef tinp
parasites rise frem the greuncl and begin te feast. CflN‘]i'tNIM,aTE
Dementalist: A giant glewing brain eitpledes in Centanimater: The centanimater rnust censtruct
the midst ef the targets. a suitable shell and then perferm all serts ---.-
Hecus Pelcer: ‘feur tppical eld ball ef fire. desecraterp and mpstical rituals upen it.
Help Reller: The Wrath ef Gawd! Blasts ef help
lightning descend frem the heavens.
De-fit-:e']'ier~4
Smellcaster: A big ass smellemental is released.
Centanimater: Sense sert ef geeep thing ferms in
He preceeds te pummel euerpene in the target the air and deflects the attaclt.
area. Dementalish The dementalist appears te be a few
Weirde: Genus Demise: A slingshet that launches parts awap frem where he actuallp is.
esplesive eggs. Hecus Pelcer: The caster's tengue grews te
enermeus size and acts as a shield. Semehew, :s._
dees net impede speech er spell casting.
Ber; "' ‘
Centanimater: A fine dust ef rustp metal sha1'ds Help Heller: A translucent irnage ef the Help"
is belched ferlh frem the cer1tanimater’s meuth. reller, wearing a fake hale and wings, everlaps
Dementalist: A glewing belt ef mental energp the caster and blacks inceming attacks.
zaps frem the cleInentalist’s fereheacl. Smellcaster: A gust ef feul wind frem
,___.
' ' _r-I’.
. ‘H-jg‘ ,-.,..__
I-
weird devices, er ta share peer cl-In it;|e‘:_i"s“T"I--|sIt the ef‘l_‘*ic_fa|_.L_ei3' Lite an-etrsit'e‘?’a‘t-__juI'l'*1iI'n‘_|.I'.|'.|'l'Il.llIl'|3tl|llIl'|.£tl|'|'I.
.I -.
a.
I
I-3-
 as
..-E’;
J- 11.‘.-3

1iTy‘sterieus [yeu knew where, wink wink]
anticipates the attack and deflects it. Dtife
smellcasters need te think ef different trappings-
Weirde: Deflectlellnftir: A small bauble shaped like
an eyeball. It senses inceming attacks and stares
*-“them dawn.
Dr.1'ec1' if Cer~icea.L Ascsna
Deanentalist: l—le just lsnews these things, and he
can cleud the perceptiens ef ethers.
Hecus Faker: lvlagic stuff glews when he wiggles
his fingers like an idiet.
Hely Reiler: Enchanted things shuffle uneasily.
Ernellcaster: A smellemental wanders abeut.
Weirde: arraitali:-igirs: A magical tengue sheath
that can taste arcane auras.
Disrsc
Dementalist: The dementalist just thinks abeut it
C-
and it happens.
ecus Faker: Lets ef finger wiggling and
ebnesieus chanting-
Hely Heller: The hely reller says semething
pempeus, such as, ”| banish thee!”
Weirde: mrraser: A chunk nf rubber that dispels
auras when rubbed acress enchanted items er
beings.
I-‘ass
Cantanimatar: Chunks ef filth spring ferth and
adhere themselves te the centanimater, making
Hacus Faker: An illusien ef whatever the target directien.
fears mast manifests in frent at him. Ha-cus Faker: The hecus peiter grews same sert
Hely Reller: The Fear e’ Ciawd is put inte the ef luminescent ergan that d-angles frem his
target lfsemehew}. ferehead.
Smellcaster: The reek gives the inhaler the Hely Heller: The Cilerinus Light ef Faith shines
creeping willies, se te speak. frem newhere in particular.
Weirde: Tllfr‘et Tcrrav". A fake spider en string. Eimellcaster: The unh-ettled reek glews with
happiness when it is released. It thinks the epener
is its memmy and hangs areund fer a while.
Li’ Weirde: l_ispa’s l_mlvi::a:ls Lelitrlntli: Glewing
lfilrernentalist: Fake wind flaps at the dementa|ist’s
undies, hew tun!
clething as he sits cresslegged and hevers.
Hacus Faker: Little tiny wings spreut frem
semew here an the hecus peker’s bedy. Minn BJ~:ann-:'
Hely Raller: Strap-en angel wings and a cheesy Dementalist: The Dementalist leeks a bit
fake hale appear an the target.
Smellcaster: The inhaled reek inflates the
inhaler’s bedy until it is lighter than air.
Weirde: Halleamng Hlaemers: Inflatable underpants.
Gs.ea'res. Hc.u.n~.:e
Deinentalist: The dementalist peunds an the
target’s chest and yells "Breathe, damn yeul ‘t'eu
never gave up in year life. ‘feu’re net giving up
new!"
Hely Reller: Just yeur basic laying an ef hands.
Stnellcaster: The target is disintegrated by an
a|l—pewerfu| smellernent, and then immediately
replaced by an eztact duplicate with fewer
weun-ds.
Weirde: Eela's Errtraiirlflilary Enema: Use yeur
imaginatien. It deesn't werk en eefes, fer ebvieus
reasens.

Illenientalist: The dementalist’s face centerts inte Heauns

a greteseue mask and he says "Beegity beegityl” Dernentalist A gentle kiss and an espleratery
prebe fer effect. raise. his chest glews fer same
I't.‘!'c'15'l.'JI'l.
Hely Raller: Mere laying en ef hands, but with
less guste.
Smellcastert The reel~t’s vapers
suture we uncls frem the inside. It's
pretty cc-el.
Weirdn: Hamil .-flfrfe: A tiny weeden
hand that helcls weuncls clesecl
and massages sere muscles.
1r~ivtsIn1L1"_|jy
Dernentalistt Yeu can see him, but
ynu clc-n't knew yeu can see him,
and that pretty much makes him
invisible. He's messin’ with your
mind.
Hecus Faker: Casual gesticulatien
and a few nensensica] babblings.
Srnellcastert The inhaled reek
infuses the target with its ewn
transparent nature.
Weirdn: Mask efllitrfsfhilly: A masts.
tnacle ef twe hands that cever the
eyes. A small ripening between
fingers allews the wearer te see.
LIGHT
Cnntanimater: Glewing IZ'l‘IL1l‘lh'.5 ef
nukular matter surreuncl the
caster and meve abeut at his
'
‘I
_..,_ r ., .
I ‘I
. _r
I l""'-‘El -l:"l~'|'l-}','!:
flascuss
Centanimater: Thick, cleying smeg belches ferth
frem semewhere unpleasant.
Ha-cus Faker: Everyene in the area is ferced te
shut their eyes-
Hely Heller: Really bright light ebscures
everything. lt’s like leeking inte the sun, er
semething else really bright.
Fanellcaster: The reek cealesces inte a swirling
mass ef deep purple haae.
Weirde: Eelclling Battle: A ceramic jug that bi Elews
ferth a cleud ef cieaking. grape-flavered, dark-
ness when uncerked.
PU rear
Centanimater: The centanimater must censtruct
a crude marienette ef the victim.
Dementalist: The dementalist just sert ef tells the
victim what te de. "These aren’t the beids yeu‘re
Ienking fer."
Eirnellcaster: Wlieever inhales the reek is at the
mercy ef the smellcaster.
Weirda: ‘r'aagar’s Hami l-‘i.-ppa:'t af Deals: The
weirde makes a hand puppet that resembles an
intended victim. The puppet l1as the pewer te
central the target as leng as it is wem hy the
ewner.

llll:-l't:Il:l:l'ra‘t-I’-I--E--I-eel‘-4-ll:-rial: _a've_:" the last high prlest

_,.—
 "-1- .-I
- 4. '.r
it 99°
Qurosrusss
flementalist: The den1entalist’s body shivers
and blurs with hyperactivity.
Horus Poker: Some really fast gesticulating
and auctioneer style babbling.
Holy Roller: The target’ s rnovernenls are
accompanied by loud, kung fulicious cracking
sounds.
Srnellcaster: A puff of dust shaped like the
inhaler is left behind whenever he moves.
Weirdo: Mystic Tongric i-ling ofljirlirkiriéss: This
gilded stud bestows quickness upon the
wearer.
Sn.-ire Comes
Hocus Poker: A curtain surrounds the caster.
When it is removed, he has been replaced by
the appropriate animal.
Holy Keller: A puff of smoke and a flash of
light-
Smellcaster: The 1'eek’s bottle
vaguely shaped like the creature that the
inhaler changes into.
Weirdo: Slog jelly: This disgusting substance,
made from distilled slog filling and enchanted
by a weirdo, turns whoever eats it into a
rrsmr sies-
Ss:tTs
Contanirnator: The contanimator smears the
target weapon with filth and offal.
Hocus Poker: The weapon glows and hums
with arcane energies.
Holy Roller: The holy roller sneezes on the
weapon and then says, "Bless you,"
Wei:-do: Smitten f‘.l:‘ii'l'lll'H.'i‘I A lovely hammer
that pounds nails and also adds +2 to the
damage itcauses,
_l
Contariirnator: Wherever the contanin-iator
goes, his footsteps are filled with slick grease.
Dementalist: The dementalist just sort of
.1‘-
must be
hovers very quickly, floating above
ground with his legs c1'ossed.
Hocus Poker: :5: piece of food on a string
is suspended in fronl' of the target,
encouraging him to ever greater feats of
alacrity.
Holy Roller: A11 illusory lashmaster, wearing
the vestments of the holy roller’ s religion
appears behind the target and whips him in
*'
the ass.
Smell-raster: The inhaler's eyes bulge and he
sweats profusely.
Weirdo: Roscoe's Rniirlrrurclloris Roller Slrnlcs:
Enchanted wheeled shoes that double the
normal skating pace of the wearer.
Srun
Contanimator: The target is overwhelmed by
a green cloud of gaseous filth.
Dementalist: The target suffers a Eirainfart.
Hocus Poker: A massive illusory hand rises
from the ground and shakes the target like
one should never, ever shake a baby.
Holy Roller: The ta1'get is temporarily
overcome with guilt {probably for touching
himself inappropriately}.
Smellcaster: The reek fills the target’s mind
with effervescent fis: {figuratively}.
Weirdo: Clockwork Bold: A mechanical hold
that flies around and poos explosive stun
droppings.
Summon Conrgsnimanrs
Contanimator: Contanimants and similar
minions of corruption spring forth and do the
bidding of the contanimator as he chuckles
eviily to himself. Very powerful sl'uff.
’['Er,Eiur~Iss1s
Contanimator: Tiny flying contanirnants
If it glues:-ibr more than a rr-Inute it m'da*r'--r.-you are
the manifesi and manipulate the target object.
Dementalist: The dementalist closes his eyes
and puts his fingers to his temples.
Home Poker: The usual gesticulating and
chanting.
Holy Roller: The holy roller closes his eyes
and screams "Hailelujahl” Dr something like
that.
Smellcaster: A mighty wind issues forth from
somewhe1'e on the inhaler and moves the
target object.
Weirdo: Clmlr llml lvltiees by itself‘. A chair that
moves by itself.
Zorrrsn:
Contanimator: The dead body is desecratecl
with filth and excrement.
Holy Roller: The body must be purified and
cleansed.
Smellcaster: This one is kind of puerile. fi1
reek bottle is opened into the corpses nether
regions. As the reek passes through the body
and is emitted from the mouth, it bestows
unnatural life into the carcass.
Weirdo: Spleen o,fDcml Elly lvlmrlprrlnflon: This
organ is implanted into the body of a corpse,
animating it for the use of the owner.
P firs
..
f I.-
THE TRAVELING CRAPWAGON OF GORBO THE GLAND
The crapwagon of Peddlerneister
Gorbo the Gland is typical of its
breed. Such wagons, chock full of all
kinds of interesting stuff, are a
common site along the roads and
slog trails of the civilised world.
Traders like Ciorbo travel from town
to town, swapping, bartering, and
acquiring New stuff to trade and
barter with. Such is the way of
things...
Aside from various wandering
crapwagons, most cities and towns
have marketplaces and barterposts
erected to facilitate trade between
various people and groups. Often, a
wisenheimer or well+respected hoink
is hi|'ed to watch over dealings and
adjudicate disputes
The majority of societies do not
have an actual form of currency,
although some have experimented
with the idea —with hilarious and
disastrous results. Nowadays goods
and services are traded directly for
other goods and services. Need a
new shirt? lvlaybe lviurtle the
Shirtsniith will trade for that jar of
pickled toenails in your knapsack.
Wanna stay in an inn? Perhaps the
owner will let you do the dishes.
Looking for someone to build you a
house? Start saving your eggshells.
The really silly part is that coins do
exist, they just aren't thought of as
money. Most coins are really just small
baubles, beads, and decorations. These
objects are collectively known as clrmis.
Smart traders collect such things, since
they are small and easily carried, and use
them as the basis of their bartering. For
most intents and purposes a clam is
pretty much universally usable as a coin.
The prices listed on Gorbo's sign are in
clams.
H,sesLtr-ns
Df course, since clams have no defined
intrinsic value, this whole system is open
to exploitation and debate. Haggling is
very common and is an accepted and
expected interaction in most market-
places. In general a successful Persua-
sion roll and each raise on the part of the
buyer lowers die cost of an item by 13%.
So a successful roll with nine raises
means that the buyer has effectively
convinced the seller to hand over the
item for free.
Srvrr
Dig, if you will, the picture...
Gorbtfs crapwagon overflows
with an abundance of strange and
exotic things that he's collected over
the years. lvlany have obvious utility,
such as the rusty spearheads he
salvaged from the liattle of Clrrsbutt
Crevice and the glass jar filled with
tiny, wound—c1eansing, pusrnuncher
grul:-s. Others have a more puaxling
design, like the dangling majig and
the mysterious teeveevishun, a
cryptic relic of the 1-loornanrace {and
Gtirbo’s most prized possession}.
The point is, all sorts of craxy junk is
out there. anr.i everything has a
purpose. It falls upon the resourceful
and the clever to make proper use of
it all. I-iere follows a description of
several useful items and services:
Randonl Things
Backpack: This is just a bag with
straps. It can be made out of just
about any kind of cloth or hide and
holds roughly Ell pounds of stuff.
 gtloibo
the G1an_d’s.¥G.tapivogon Fine Goods aiid Assorted Detritus __._ _ _ _
-_ _ '_.d. ,_. -' -5-.-

'
Item Cost Weight item Cost Weight [tern Cost Weight

Random Stuff fltrmor {per Ioeation) Craaty Etuff

Backpack Crap;-,r|y arnior [+1] EC! 5 Hoomanrace Psrtifact 5*] "-7'3 + ‘|i'i1I'iE'5i

Blanket Decent armor {+2} iflfl iii 1-“leek in a bottle mfi+ 1

Cage. small wood Good armor {+3} Eflfl 15 5-core croach Inn 5

Candle ti" radius} Shield, cr-apgy 25 B ‘Weird Device "39 4" varies

Chalk [1 stick} Shielti, decent E-rfl 12

Mounts 31- Livestock and feta n Things
Croach Moltinga Shield, good 2'0
flask Elothing Dig this, all sorts of animais and monsters
and such can be tamed and used as mounts,
Grappler Criipfly ciothing 5 pets, or beasts of burden. Contaniinaironic
I']1lfl"1TT1E‘l' Decent clothing EU minions, siogs, stomps, and a varied
assortment far too huge to ciisciose are eager
Lantern {J-5|" radius} Snazzy clothing iflfl
and vviliin * to Fulfil] your basest coniportnient
Lockpicking tools Eimpitf clothing 2flfl+ desires. Ci course, ‘I.-'i."it{.'1 beasties elo need to be
I I
trained first, but you can find just about
Manacles Servants Sf Services an thing if you look hard enough.
lE
t . flit {for lantern} Bod Lovin' It] on can find out more about these
' ifluiver {ED arrows) inciiviciual beasties in the Bestiary of Dith iater
Good Lovin' .'Sfi +
on in this book.
" _'
_ J
a.

it Hope (2I'J_yorts} Grooming ‘iCI+

; Shiny rock Pt night in a crappy inn 5 Livestock Hf Suoh .- ~..__
If Shovel It night in a decent inn it] Contanima tronic Iflflfl+ .,_,._n.iE5
J} Soap. a hunk of 11 night in :1 good inn ED Minion
Spoon 11 slave 5|EiCI+ Eiggity iflfl
-E Torch til" radius} Grub Sf Grog Ciity Boid 5
I
Twine, hall of fin. bag o‘ Circuspi Huts lfl moms 5'-iss 3””
‘Waterskin Moonulur cheese. hunk EC!

‘Whistle 11 crap-p_y meal 2 ‘fact: and H

‘four portrait on at ft decent meal it] Slog S-adclie
grain of sand it good meal 15+ One of hngs H
Ps Bottle of Booze 5+ 1 c'
that_youH17‘ I7‘ ??
Poo (croaches love it] 1”" "" ‘ varies H
L]i:-.3-ci ho um.- about b use tere is
"

.- “H 7 _youto ‘ e it
 Blanket: imagine a big ass Shiny Rock: This is a pretty
rectangle made nut nf clnth nr rack. and it's shiny ten.
wnven hairs. It helps keep ynu Shevel: A shnvel is great I-'nr
warm and prclvides a suit place digging hnles and clnbbering
tn sleep. penple tn put in the h-ales.
Cage: A small wnnden cage Tnrch: Crne nf these sheds light
can be used tn keep small in an eight yert [3"} radius and
animals in. like nily bnids and lasts about an hnur.
small giggities. Larger cages are Twine. Ball at: This is abeut
available. but they cnst mare and Bflll yc-rts {feet} nl durable string
are heavier. wnund up in a ball. ‘Ecru can
Candle: Generally made nut uf unwind it and do stuff with the
earwa:-t nr rendered Eat, a typical string.
candle sheds light in a twn ycrrt Waterskin: Usually made
radius [T] and can sputter en Fnr frern the bladder clf snme
abnut an hnur. unsuspecting animal. a skin can
Chalk: This stuff is Fun Fnr be used tn st-are much mc-re than
drawing nn rncles. water- In fact. just abuut any
Crnach lvlnltings: These dnn’t liquid can beput in it.
have much practical value. but Whistle: lvly cc-usin’s larva
they can be quite decnrative and had nne nf these things. Ynu
malce lnvely wind chimes. cnuld hear it tram a big yurt
Flask: This refers tn just abc-ut away {abnut a mile].
any glass ur ceramic bnttle. jug nr
vial. Smellcasters use them tn
firmer
stc-re reeks in and everynne uses
them tn stnre bnnze.
nrn-inr is sc-ld by lncatinn
Grappler: A grappler is a
{bnth legs. both arms. tnrsn.
twisted hunk uf metal nr wnnd
head]. The price listed is the cnst
that can be tied tn a rape and
fnr each lncatinn. Fnr example. tn
used as an anchur nr climbing
buy crappy armc:-r that cnvers
aid. They are nnt generally
bnth arms. bnth legs. and the
edible.
tnrsn wc-uld cast an clams.
Hammer: "r'nu knew what a
Remember that the tnrsn is
hammer is.
always the default hit lncatinn
Lantern: fine at these can shed
unless the attacker makes a
light in a 4 ynrt radius {4’’} and
called shnt.
lasts abnut 3 hnurs per pint nf nil.
The weight at armnr varies
if a lantern is drctiiipecl it may
depending nn what it is made ul’.
break [5IIl‘ls chance) and has a ‘I in
but in general a weight cal’ live
n at setting fire tn cnmhustlbles
pnunds per lncatinn tnr crappy
[see the rules fer Fire in Savage
armnr. ten pnunds fnr decent
Wnrlds).
armnr. and Fifteen pnunds lnr
Leckpicking teuls: Bent metal
gnnd armnr is abnut right.
thingees and varic-us picks and
lvinst armer is made fer the
such. as the name implies. average sized warrinr. If a
lnckpicking tnnls are essential Fur
character has the Really Big Guy
picking lncks [a character whe-
Edge his armnr generally casts
hies tn pick a lnck withnut these
twice as much. Cnnversely, a
tnnls has a -2 penalty tn his rnll}.
fellnw with the Really Small Guy
lvlanacles: These are bitchin’
Edge nnly has in pay half nnrmal
metal handcuff thingees.
retail value.
Di]: A flask nf nil can keep a
lantern lit fer three ltnurs. lt’s
Crappy Armor: Crappy arrner
als-:1: really slippery.
can be made tram just ab-aut
Quiver: ‘fen put ynur arrnws
anything trnm dried mud tn
in it.
esnphngatnr hide. It afturds a
Rape: Wnven frnm fibers. hair,
bnnus nt +1.
dead wcrrms, nr caterpillar pen. a
Decent Armor: Armnr at this
gnnd rnpe can he used fur
nature is usually made nut at
climbing. tying things tngether.
same kind nt metal links at
lassning ynur enemies. hanging
chains er is made at strung hide
bad guys. tripping penple. and a
reintnrced with metal. Decent
whale hnst nf nther fun and
armnr has a bonus nf +2.
exciting activities.
 '-I+
"I.
. _ r .
3-
. _ ‘Hr!-‘-='..'J'-Si-t-'
I
Chad
Bequeathing a banus af +3, gaad armar is
mast likely Inade af metal plates ar the scales
af same huge mansler. Gaad armar usually
laaks pretty caal taa, with all sarts af nifty
embassments, etchings, and ather flaafy
things.
Shields
Shields can be made aut af just ahaut any
taugh ar hardened material, like waad, metal,
a1' the lenses af a cheese leech’s eyes. All
shields anly pratect against attacks that came
farm the fra nt ar left side {assuming the shield
is carried an a left arm].
Crappy Shield: Crappy shields, usually
pretty small and made af waad, hide, ar dried
vamit, affer Ihe wielder a +1 banus ta Parry.
Decent Shield: A decent shield is aften
made af metal scales ar reinfarced waad and
affers a +2 Ftrinar banus ta 1'anged shats that
hit the wielder, as well as a +1 Parry banus.
Caad Shield: Gaad shields are canstructed
af metal ar same ather really taugh material,
like ba1'la ass blubber. They a1'e pretty big and
affer a +2 Parry banus alang with a +2 Arrnar
banus against ranged attacks that hit.
Clathing
Let's face it, unless yau plan ta run araund
naked all the time [which is acceptable in
sa1ne places), yau are gaing ta need same
kind af attire ta caver yaur tender bits and ta
keep yau warm and fashianable.
.1.
,_':_. '.r
Crappy Clathing: The average aithling
wears simple clathing made fram natural
fibers ar waven fram the hair af beasts. A
crappy ensemble might include same tarn
trausers af maldy plant fibers, a stained shirt
ar vest, same waaden sandals, and a pair af
underpants. Subtle, yet it makes a statement.
It says, "I have na fashian sense."
Decent Clathing: An autfit af this nature
might include a pair af baats and a funny hat
in additian ta a slightly mare fashianable skirt
ar pair af trausers. With this ensemble, a
fashianable being af Clith aften wears bath a
shirt and a vest, and perhaps a few
accautrements, like a leather belt and a few
tassels. l‘~lat quite stylish, but almast. This is
what yaur typical adventurer wears an his
daily adventures.
Snazzy Clathing: Aaaaaaaaaah yeah...
These are same stylin’ duds. Taday's madern
gentleman ar fly haney can aften be faund
traipsing arau nd ta wn in cheese leech silk and
rhinestanes. Perhaps a fancy cape and same
big ass, curly-taed shaes adarn aur madel.
lvlaybe a gigantic hat and farmal ba:n:er sharts
decarate his tap and tail. Snazzy clathing is
always in fashian and partrays an air af
saphisticatian and elegance.
Pimpin’ Clathing: The snazziest af the
snazzy, pimpin' gear takes fashian ta the next
level. Sirnilar ta snazzy clathing, but the hat is
bigger, the curly-taed shaes are curlier, the
cadpiece is mare e:~:travagant, and the
rhinestanes are shinier. A fellaw in pimpin’
clathes is the talk af the lawn and thusly gains
a +1 banus ta Charisma as lang as his clathes
are clean and in gaad repair.
Servants 3? Serviaes
Lavin’: Da l really need ta ga inta detail
abaut this? Bad lavin' is a cheap date with ‘I
.
I '
-
sameane wha will prabably give yau same
kind afdisease. Gaad lavin' is what yau make
af it. Whips and manacles are aptianal.
El;
.
- '
Graaming: This invalves pretty much all af-I -
the ways in which a dude can be spruced up,
including the traditianal shave and a haircut,
carapace palishing, manicure, pedicure,
tattaaing, piercing, bathing, casmetic.
Inakeaver, hair dyeing, etc...
A Night in an Inn: Same inns are better; '
'1‘
'."'|
than athers. A crappy inn generally affers
very little in the way af amenities, with ane ar
I-.
1-
twa large raams being shared by all af th -
‘
guests. A decent inn usually serves breakfast
and dinner and affers private raams far the
discerning taurist. A gaad inn aften has"
facilities far bathing and recreatian. A hause
pimp generally affers lavin' far an extra fee
{bad and gaad} and the faad is edible and
aften tasty.
Slaves: Slaves are generally canvicted
criminals, prisaners af war, ar just unhtcky
dudes wha were inauspiciaus enaugh ta _ '
captured in a slave raid and farced inta a lif ..'|.
.1
af servitude. A slave can be used far just
abaut any purpase, tram general
hausekeeping ta mercenary saldiering. The
cheapest slaves are typically manual labarers,
while the mare expensive anes aften have a
useful skill ar twa.
Slaves can be af any species ar gender and
can be faund in mast areas af the warld. Mast
cremefillians, due ta histarical events,”
especially resent the institutian af slavery and-
very rarely awn slaves. A cremefillian slave
will try ta escape at every appartunity.
 ‘ includes multiple ceurses. delicieus feed, and
-Grub 31- Greg
Circuspi Huts: These are pretty much the
nastiest and mest vile tasting ef all E}ith's
fc:-edstuffs. lvlest beings weuld rather saver a
3;f:‘_~steaming bnwel nf berln crap than munch en
ene nf these herrid things.
Cln the plus side, they are extremely
nutritive and filling. fltnybndy whn can cheke
nne ef these dewn and avnid vnmiting
{successful vignr rnll] dnes net need te eat fer
afull day.
Meenular Cheese: Hunks ef cheese frem
the lvtennular Cheese Fields are difficult te
- "me by nutside ef the Fields thernselves {the
price listed is fer imperted lvleenular cheese),
' but its delicate green hue and delicieus flaver
make it a valued cnmestible and a welcnme
additien te any table.
Meals: Taverns and restaurants in cities
_ villages wnrldwide serve a vast array et'
feedstuffs. It is pretty much impessible te
quantify exactly what censtltutes a crappy,
decent, er gned meal, but in general, a crappy
meal is a single ceurse ef semething
unpleasant and dubieus, a decent meal may
have multiple ceurses and be at least
mederately palatable, and a gend meal
Cine ef the censuming cenundrums ef civilized theught, and indeed theught in general, is hew ene may best ezple-it the wenders ef nature
and inventien te get ene's lazy ass frem peint A te peint Q with as little effert as pessible. Cine enceuraging step aleng these lines was the
develepment ef legs and ether implements ef crawlificatien by eur earlier ancesters. Legs are geed; walking is less messy than squirming. but
teday’s medern creach en the ge may cheese frem an endless multitude ef ingenieus vehicles and stalwart beasts ef burden te aid him en his
jeurney. All he needs is eneugh clams, brains, er raw materials and he'll be rellin’ in ne time. The fellewing segment describes enly the
I rneagerest sampling ef such implements. Llse yeu: melenfarming brain and invent yeur ewn geesin’ mab-eb if yeu den’t like the enesl Inade.
hlj1l-|—r|.----|I'~—-'I|.|1-—- ' -h- I-I‘-H
Balleeen: Basically just the
huge
nicer se nf seme dead animal, hel e wed eut
an filled with bueyant asses frem the
Keister ef‘-Ciawd er threugh t ecenjurinr ef a
smellcaster, a balleeen is a fine me e ef
transpert. The basket dangling belew can
held several passengers. Steering, while
usually seme sert ef desert er aperitif.
Benze: flneze ranges in quality frem
watered dewn gtggity piss in e:-ietic Iiquers
and wines made frem mysterieus fruits and
grains. The better class ef drink are eften
distinguished by a small paper umbrella er a
tiny swerd spitting a piece ef fruit er twe.
Fee: I deubt this needs much descriptien. it
cemes eut ef penple’s butts and crnaches like
te eat it. I think its grnss, but what de I knew?
Crazy Stuff
Here fetlew a few mere esnteric items
cellected by C-erbe the Clland ever his travels.
Heemanrace Artifact: Strange and rare in
the extreme, ancient relics ef the Heemanrace
are extremely valuable. lvtnst nf them have ne
cliscernable purpese, but they are expensive
f.'Il'1:-,-"'ll-'r’u':'I:'y'.
Reek in a Bettie: A reek is a magically
ensnared eder bettled by a smellcaster. Each
reek has a magical effect en the ene whe
inhaies it. determined by the smellcaster whe
cenjured it. In general a reek is werth ‘ltlfl
clams fer every Fewer Fnint invested in its
cealescence.
GETTING faera [-'tI.‘.IINT A Te FDINT (2
:9--_a.
"- 'Zl—-"I-T'-I -j‘ ii‘-j‘
bleated neterieusly difficult in high winds, is
maintained by a series ef repes and valves. Elf
ceurse, unless yeu have a smellcaster handy,
yeu’re peep nut ef luck if yeu need tn refill en
the ge. rt smellcaster needs ene hnur ef
successful te refill an average
sized balleeen, which eses reughly Sill: ef its
Smellcasting
gas every time a change is made (it
alse makes a rudesteering
and s i htly embarrassing
neise).Dnce the res the s lew Silt-ii capacity
the balienen wi slew y sink tn the greund
unless refilled. Uh yeah, yeu can alse sink by
releasing air er taking en ballast ef seme sert.
-1.-g._1..:——_--—
Beat: Cheese manl Yeu knew what a beat
is. They ceme in all serts ef shapes and sizes,
far tee many in inclusively describe in a beek
ef this magnitude. "r'eu’ve get a whnle range.
frem crappy little canees made ef desiccated
sleg carcasses threugh elegant pleasure
_
""lli;' trernefillian hcrde at lieehirnus the
Weird Devices: Weirdes are rennwned fer
the bizarre and unusual censtructiens they
create. Anything frem autematic back-
scratchers and eztendable arms te
tri-prnnged scretal mnunts and giant carven
idels that belch flame can be made by a
skilled weirde. Such a device is generally
valued at ‘lllilll clams per Fnwer Feint invested
in its creatinn.
Sample Weird Device
Scare Creach: A scare crnach is nething
mere than a small replica ef an acI.ua| crnach.
It is mildly enchanted by a centanimatnr er
hecus peker and is especially useful as a
decey. when the item is placed en the
greund, and a cnmmand werd is uttered, it
will enlarge itself and draw the attentien ef
enemies and pursuing mnnsters. any
aggressive creature with animal intelligence
faced with a scare crnach must make a
successful Smarts rell er cenfuse the scare
crnach fer the real thing, attacking it instead.
—I1j'h&-"i '&"-—".l-£1
Efi_
Hfiif
barges like The Celtics Cielt, ewned by the
fameus ham Eezel Gutgebbler ef Fleem, te
massive ships ef menster hair and petrified
cheese. The peint is, yeu’re The Bass, yeu
den’t need me te tell yeu hew many enple
fit en every beat and hew much they a cest.
Cart: This sert ef thing is usually made
frem cemmen building materials an pulled
by a beast ef seme sert. lvlest have wheels.
but snme, like the sleg sled, use skis er trails
ef mucus te help them get aleng. Large carts,
knewn as "wagens" may even have a small
heuse er seme such built inte them.
Creeper: alse knewn as “Wiggly
Wigglers". these thangs are pretty snazzy.
Clften sculpted te resemble seme sert ef
werm er bug er semethin , they use the
mementum ef the rim. er’s wiggling
mevements te push them ferward. Net
remarkably useful up hills er even en flat
Grape rede inte battle an their bug-wheeled _'_t|‘rreesyc_le_i'.;
 . "-u . -I
. a- . . "'1. ._ .
I u_ ._;.

-
‘I.
u
'l._|-

stretches, creepers can rnll dawn a slnpe like

nnbndy's business. Wne betide anynne
standing dnwnhill and nnt paying attentinn
when a creeper—riding thug cnmes his way
with a great riirciilrii-rileciilrri and an nutthrust
lance [damage ii? when rnlling dnwnhillj.

llriabnb: A mabnb is a generic name fnr any

snrt nf thing that dnesn’t already have a name.
Here we are using it in a vehicular cnntei-it, but
it may apply elsewhere if ynu want it tn. A
mabnb can be anything. frnm a gigantic
rriarinnette run by pulleys and gears tn a big
hnllnw egg with cnntanirnalrnnic legs.
Serinusly dude, anything ynur little heart can
imagine cnuld exist —yep, even that. Just make
sure The Bass agrees with it and ynu have
ennugh Smarts tn pull it nff. Elf cnurse, as in
all things, The Bnss has the final say abnut
hnw lnng it will take tn make and hnw many
clams it will set ynu back. Anything that uses 'l- -j___.

ancient Hnnmanrace technnlngy will, nf

l_'_--.

Beret WelghL
cnurse, be es: tremely rare and expensive. . .i. —' ..___
_ _ I —- . €
Heres ynur chance in let ynur engineering . g.“mbm_
-glganmmn Egg“ Egg 6 lg} 1+5 Sm
genius shine. Release ynur inner nerd. 5.
' gm“ ' '+ '
R 1’ ii 2 This flnatr-.
Fit Blnaters: These things are basically just l R2‘: 25$
“mt
a cnuple nf small ballnnnns that attach by
rnpes tn the wearer’s armpits. They cnuld *
Cart mg mg 3 in 1+4 .1 gm Hhj_,"_flj__,j, j_._m_ j
attach tn snme nt.'ner part nf his bndy if ynu . Wu H“ jhgingl
Wagjm Sm 5gg_j_ In {E} Hg gggg
want [like a backpack nr tn ears, breasts. feet. Ujm, mm
jj. Creeper gm gg -I ygaaia g {2} -I rider
but I W35 funniefit‘
Eb':“‘}’ Hmught llrlnpits 5 ivlabnb varies varies varies varies varies varies |"*““*'**‘~'="“_'~r'-
Since they aren't real big they dnn’t ,,,,,,,,, . j;]“lMijjndm_ifl___
really L:-1,“ Blflaters Sm lg 4 rider
"i‘““.""tilfllifflifrtflflfifl ”"”"'l a““fl”*‘“.“""" i Rally Skates 'lflfl iii ax-is 4(1) - rider =.?liicIvdia‘=m-
whimsical rrianner. Sure. with a running _ mm . Wm, H hglmg
Spring Shnes Em H] 4 rider
pnunce ynu can pretty much triple ynur
nnrmal jumping height nr tenfnldulate I gycle ' '
_ -I Dnesycle 'll‘l[‘l El] 2f8 E: [l ] Ela-2 1--'li-nil.
{multiply by ten] ynur distance. but that's nnt jl . .I.wn“_|“__E|5_
. _ Twmgcle
- gm 4g gflg Em ..
the same as flying. Pitblnaters are inflated the _
_ . 1 , H
same way as ballnnnns. but they dnn t
I -'-_F]-H-EE.cg_|-EIE

accidentally deflate unless punctured. It takes

a smellcaster twn minutes and a Sniellcasting
rnll tn fill a pair nf pit blnaters.

Rally Skates: Yup, just what they snund

like — nnthing mnre than a pair nf shnes with
same wheels attached. Rnlly skates can make
ynu gn really fast [pace 3:2]. but they alsn
rriake it pretty hard in maneuver acrnss
uneven grnund.

Spring Shnes: Shnes nf this nature. and by

”this nature” I mean with giant springs
attached in the bnttnms. let the wearer jump
like a melnn farming maniac. Indeed, a
being’ s vertical jumping distance is quad-
rupled, his hniiznntal is tripled, his diagnnai
is affected accnrding tn the Pythagnrean
Thenrem and his fnurth diniensinnal
_
jumping ability is unsurprisingly .3” is
I-
unchanged. ‘- ..._.g.
2.;-.*_':1.__.|-
ilfilrh
l taii i ..____
Sycle: This name is applied tn . .~i i.‘ie'-
any snrt nf thing that uses wheels
.~. .a.-,-;
and turning pedals in get arnund.
The name varies depending nn ~v._-.
hnw many wheels are invnlved.
 in

'"‘[‘lere’s.tl1e'lil1ing, it's a pretty crazy ncitian

ta try tb make same sart af ccimprehensive
listing af all the variaus weapcins available in
this warld. There are just tnci many af them.
Same fellnws prefer the tr-aditianal swards
fi~fld spears. Clthers are inte weird stuff, like
gigantic scisscirs and barbeque tangs. Still
cithers are fund af making up their awn weir-d
ccirnbinatiens bf weapmis, like a rubber
- chicken with a bunch nf nails in it er a
slingshcit with a dagger blade an the handle.
Whatever yaur martial preference, Wacky
Wunge's Wundrc-us Weapan Warkshap, and
dciaens af athers just like it, are happy tci
create far ynu a perscinaliaed armament cif
_ ciur cheice, far a naminal fee, af caurse.
..5i:mp|y fc-llciw the chart an the fcillewing page
ta determine the cast and all will be well.
Be creative and came up with a weapcin
that really emphasises yaur character‘s style
and persanality. A few sample weapans are
- listed be-law, alung with their casts and
_ ibutes.'

Haw to Use the lifespan Workshop:

First, find the damage that ye-u want ycrur

. _.J-I" weapan in da. This determines the base cc-st
cif the armament. Add at subtract fram this
price based an restrictiens and parks, such as
reduced weight and Minimum Strength,
xltrmcir Fenetraticin, range, and athers. The
final number cif clams is the actual price cif the
item.
The Minimum Strength listed beside the
Weight is the minimum Strength required ta
wield that weapan withc-ut paying extra.
Minimum Strength can be lciwered by
lc-wering the weight cif a weapc-n ta that af the
next lc-west Damage range. it casts ‘Ill clams
per y-art (puund] ta reduce a weapan’s
weight.
Missile weapans begin with a range af
t a missile weapan inflicts is paid fur
+_"- separately. Fur example. the base cast iii a
weapan that inflicts Eda damage is 'l==lll clams.
The Minimum Strength required ta wield a
missile weapan with multiple dice af damage
is tine higher than wciuld be required ta wield
it at the highest damage die attributed, per die
beycind the first. So, a weapan that inflicts Zdil
damage wciuld require a Minimum Strength
" +3, Parry Be-nus +3, Reach +2, lgnare Shield,
:_.lcif dB and weigh "lb yarts, while cine that
"inflicts Ed'lI}+'ldS waulcl require a Strength af
at least d'l2 and weigh 23 yerts. The
maximum damage that a ncin—magical
handheld missile weapen can inflict is 4-:.l'l2,
which wauld cast 5212} clams, weigh 43 ycirts
-.-' "and require a minimum Strength c-f d'l2+2.
The damage listed far missile weapans
indicates the maximum dice uf damage that
the amme hurled by that weap-an might
inflict.
Sample ‘Weapons
Big Ass Cleaver
[Str+=i, Weiglit ll y-arts, Min. Str. dd, Farmer
Penetraticin +'I, Cast ESE! clams]. This is
basically a huge meat cleaver.
Battle Tcings
[Str+2, Str+2, Weight ‘I2 yarts. Min. Str. dix
Disarm +2, Cast lfill}. These barbeque tcings
are hinged in the middle and spcirt twci
curved ferk paints.
Clubberizer
[Str+5, 3d'I2, Multiple Llses {melee ii: missile}.
Range 'l5X3llg’bll, Weight fill yarts, Min. Str.
dl 2+1, iiirmar Fenetraticin +3, [lisarm licinus
Cast ‘lilr-ill clams}. The ultimate weapen, this is
scirt afa gigantic spiked black an a thick chain
attached ta a lung irc-n handle with a craplaad
uf metal spiky things sticking but in all
directicms. The ball can be swung in melee er
catapulted as a prajectile by bending the
handle back and releasing it.
Crappy Dagger
[Str+'l, Weight3 yc-rts, Crappy Materials, Cast
‘l3 clams}. Eh peinty little stabby thing.
Giant Roasting Baster and a Bucket of Puisnn
{3df:i, range Eu’ 12! E4, Weiglil 1B ycirts, lviin.
Str. dB, Cast EBB}. Basically a thick glass cir
metal cylinder attached tci a flexible bladder
bf same scirt, this device can be used tci spray
pciiscin, acid, er just abc-ul: any ether liquid
deadliness.
Ginurmuus Ecissurs
{Str+5, Weiglit E4 ycirts, lvfin. Str. till}, Armcir
Fenetraticin +3, Elisarm Bcinus +2, Parry
Bcinus +3, Reach +1, Cast QED]. These huge
iren scisscirs are perfect fur siic ing c:-pen armcir
and lcipping eff limbs.
]ust Yeur Basic Everyday Lnngswnrd
{El'r+3, Weight ‘El ycirts, Min. Str. db, Ccist lflfl}.
]ust yciur basic everyday lcingswcird.
Pun Flinger
{Sir +1, 1dB {nan-lethal], multiple uses {melee
dc missile}, Range 6,312} 24, Weight 11 ycirts,
lvlin. Str. dB, Cast TED}. Basically just a big ass
wciciden spucm, lrhis thing can hurl pee and
ether Fciulnesses [the stench and ici.-tyness
incapacitates targets} and can clciuble as a
weak club.
Slingshut
(Edd, Range BXIEXE4, lr"I-leighl B ycirts, Ccist
15B}. 331 slingshot such as this can hurl racks
and ether small cibjects at year fees.

I. If y nu clim'I dig this systi;-m, just use the i'i.-ic.i.'lii:val Weapims lists in the Savage Wiirids Itulelaiirik-

lf this _is ‘la:i_i.ran-ip-licated. or it I did a crumray lab at describing the pretest. check. cut the detailed “El-ill‘ chart at 1.rl"ivil'ii.l.l'nl.l‘l.'.l'lE|_I":I:_l-'__f_l'-l;:'fiEll'n.
1-1"!‘
 ' " - """" __'
' . . e-‘'‘' '. __.. _ '._1 _‘- "T . '- 5-‘.
t
.' I' .

Wacky Wenge s Wendreus We-apen Werkshep

I

1 -.3
I...

!' Damage Cast Weight Min. Str. Bfistrietjuns

~ Mel“ Era FF} Materials~ (~—‘:'1fl‘l'.']5

- ’
" 3 3 p 3
._, ._' I _
Strength +2 5'0 Er Jrerts — r
'1 Hm-._]__ELh3] (_3,{]*g.{,]" 1.

. Strength +3 IUU 9 Jrerts elf. 51$“, fletmld {_gm,.E}"

-I
' .- ~' Strength +4 290 13.1'~’~‘«~rL-s '53
a
]‘.....~.—I-1.1:-.:I.=.-.:1 {-21:15-s)“ .r
. . _.mar# . .
.| - _ Missile l
1&4 59 _ Er. .-’*.11f-‘ti1n.-_.1 r.1i.=.1: is seereul l‘_‘-' .1 1.rI_=-:‘I|3I.~11 ell rI'I.1leri.'Ll*'..tl1e_'.'.'.=ii..l».-I nmst mil .1 Lil“. L’
4I},flt.L5 :11.1».Ie 1._'|'.'I]-"'_l~“‘_"' &' .,___
.- It lhe resull l.‘-'- *1 ur ill the weapnn l'Ire.1le. .1lt1.'rL11tlI4:tI11t.; ll 5.‘ u.l.1111.1}_1',e.'1I:1».l 1:‘. 1Ir1u.~i.1l1le the1'e.1lter. ."'. ,
'« lclfi Tl] EIJ-'£1r|_:-I — suv:«:essI'1Il Ele1'I.1i1' mil -:.1I1 tin it.
'*' ll"l ll.‘-. '
M3 99 Bsarts dfi ......i‘..‘.i.i7if'.l"£..'..”.. i .-ii...“."...i.i-.'.‘.i .'.‘. ii.if.§§lTil.i".i'.7£§i.1.fliilii.
E‘-. Tl' l. l'll.l '1. '..'l.l .l l. .I* '.l'.l|,|'l-.'.'. 'l J
I. - . . I I. - . I. I I. - ‘I. ‘I. I
I‘ I I I

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nl":':'-lr +-I nr hi;.;l1er, sinre tl1ej.' .1|5in.'1[1'e.11.l_1.' rev.|LIir.- t-.-.'u |1.:1nv.ls 1:1 '|-1'l1:l1.l t-.1:'v.1perl_1. .-'1. 1:|1.1I'.1v:u=r n1.11_.
-.~.'ielv.l .1 t1.-.'v.r~|1.1Iu[ev.l -.+.'e.1].'H1n iI1 -.1neI1.1n-J.il'l1is5treI1;.:tl1isl1ig]1ert|1.1nt|1.1lrequi1'ev.l 1:1 useil in the
. first p].1v:e. .
ferka ' *
I

1 ‘
,P.rlI:li ienal warheads +1:-ase ees Uisarm Eenus +3 +2UEl clams Ran 3 e Increase E11’ 12,311 +5[} eiarns .
''
firmer Penetratien +1 [+513 clams] lane-re Shield .t+‘lflfl elams] Range Increase l2,."'2:'l1"':'lfl {+lflfl clams} "_
firmer Penetratien +2 [+1UCl clams] Multiple Uses (melee, threwn. missile] Range Increase 15,.’ 3'3 1" IE:-fl {+2130 clams)
[' . .1
L‘ firmer f'enet1':1tIen +3 [+2fll] elams) {+53 per extra type} Beach +1 {+5{l elarns} ;
- . __
"1
r _-
I Ceneealecl (+55 elamsji Parry Benus +1 {+50 slams} Reach +2 {+lflfl clams}
Elisarrn flunus +1 [+53 elarns) _ furry Benus +2 {+lfl'El slams} Returning I‘ {+‘lflfl clams)
Disarm Eenus +2 [+155 clams) Parry Benus +3 {+2l'.l{l clams} Returning ll‘1[+2flfl clams] 3

Ii -I
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.._-¢""'..-e".

see oizeesa as sales

'-E-It-H '- _. m ?-‘'''''\.l-' -if.-1"-H-1 - A-u 1-nu-I-ifiII..,,ul-..iII&.|.|1,pI||Ii-III-..uj.|rIlv. I-—I||iq.I-,[II-I—|.,¢II|.-I.dII..|....-.I|.r-I|-alt.-t _-rm. J—.I—-.——-.9-in-u-u-III! .-LA. ..—--i- .dI-n--.. --5-._.l-|iI|.,a-—-..iIl-u--u-I-5. —-r'I- -dI-h-—HIv-.- in-I H-_.

_. -_|_l. —.i —. 1‘--—.a.n.— um-,_ a 4g_*h1-a1J -'- .-..|-_ -.-| -~_.__. ;. a__n.n |. 2.3:. _-p_a._... __ .1.-‘IF-Z——.§I——-j_—_: n.na .

I
I
I
l

SPUHNDAY, TWHUARY 4TH A BRIEF DESCRIPTIBN [IF SDME THINGS r

'+
.

7‘.-.—_.§.-i...n-n.n_q.¢.—n_n _a.nn.n_na.r-rq. - -_—'u-u-:_._q.1:.-npn.y_n.r n_ q_ -.....--—g|q--...._.Ii-II.-3-..In..l——rIi-.2:-.--_...—.....— -.-..—.—-u-.. -5". —. -.—-n.-Q-nu---..|-In.-I-1-H-u-jlyflg-..._...—._-._...-_. nu _... - J ,

-_n- _n._-q.-5.... . _.F,. n,_._ -_.. _n_- -.. . n..n_-:,_ -_.. .. -- — -ul-—-"'-J--I--'HI-.--I2!-I-.iI-J:-' — —-—-d'- _.... ,_-,__.. .-,_ -..- _...-_|,-i_|--—. I.-1.-i_n_....”._.__-g...-u-u--..-u-——u-i...-..-— ._ .-_.- _._-_. ---._-—:-

i-lere assembled, for the education of the ignorant, is a brief listing and description of a bunch of things that are described
in more depth elsewhere in this tome- The stuff in this gazetteer is generally considered common knowledge by most
reasonably intelligent deniaens of Ciith_ Allow the heap to read it and to refer to it during play. They deserve a break-

Agog: ii. big ass island inhabited by brutal pots {so tn speak}. Torsovania.
horcs- The Big Drink: An incredibly huge body of The Dingdom of the Dong: The sacred
Agog City: The capital of Agog. Not a very water that surrounds most land masses. crernefillian homelan-".1. A verdant realm of
ppy place. Boorgleaarianism: A religion centered pagodas and saloons.
Asparagobster Fromage: The tir:n’t ruler of around the reverence of tioorglezar, the Doop: A mining town at the base of the
Mean kaas. As head of the Cheesemongers Cosmic Dung fieetle, a powerful gavvd who rliuricular Was lvlines.
Guild he has a lot of influence and power. rolled the filth from the feces of creation. This Ewg: A land of crumbling mountains,
The Auricular Dracle: A being of is an e:-ztrernely comples. and popular religion stinking marshes, erupting volcanoes, and
stupendous wisdom. He can see the fuhare, with myriad sects and offshoots. other crappy things.
apparently. The Eoorgleearium: A massive temple Fistpounder Gaveltianger: The tyrannical
‘r--L. . The fiuiricular Wax Mines: An industrious complex somewhere in the Teats of overlord of I-"igog_
endeavor deep within the ear of the lioorgleaar. riipparently it looks like a big Floom: The second biggest city on Dith.
incredibly Huge iv1onsterTM. its the source of dung heetle. [t’s built right near the edge of the Keister of
monsterwas and home tn the riiuricular Borkle Eleel-c: This weird cave with some Iiliawd.
Gracie. wacky philosopher hidden inside. i think its
Eabajuana: The only major city in That Cine in the Elingdom of the Dong.
Place with All the Sand. It's a center of CIorb's Wang: This wacky peninsula in
commerce and civilization deep within a Ewg. Supposedly the only remaining source
savage land of dust and ash. of uriniu m.

Spouting the as J
Bernizedd the Enplumpinated: lioss of The Crack of Doom: A huge canyon
New Dorlquar. He’s an extremely wealthy l‘ieI’1eal:h the 1‘E.'ol1'rt of Tail on the lI‘It,‘re4..'lil_*rly
croach with his many ha nets in many different Huge l'vionsterT”. lt’s the main entry into

I
_f'\. T-

A brief guide to the linguisitc idiosyncrasies of societal interaction

-1#:‘-1zlI-j—$-1' "-j'—-1'

-—-—-

The ordinary tongue of C‘-‘ith is a complex and diverse

language, replete with rnultitu dino us idiosyncrasies,
sentence-enhancing eitpletives, and intricate verbage. Cinly
-u—. -—-u —-
the most rectally retentive wisenheimers speak it fluently, —-u-

the rest of us just sort of make things up as we go along. -11-

Here's the deal, you just sort of add your own words as
you see fit. Instead of calling someone a goosin’ schlub, like
everyone else does, why not call him a melon farming
eggroll? To draw someone's consideration say ”Chomp
Greetlel I seerr to
this!" or "Put this in your brain!". The limits are those of
have gigged rreseli a crunchy
your imagination.‘
rranrb Then-. tires vop nicely r.-wit
In general, you'll have to figure out the conteszt to
the bit of rat soup anti sen-e garay
understand what most people are saying to you, but that's
just part of making life more interesting on the blistered and eunkle. yes yes? lief. that's a hoary
blighted land we call lvlutha Ditli. If you don't like it, do dim grim he's blaring. my way.

your own goosin' thing, rice bowl. J best clsgvese his lieister and
rraiie with the sorry grubtiin'.

1- If you no-ed inspiration, trv watching some it raled moi.-ies on network tv and listen to
the words tl'u:y use to replace the bad ones. Also, listen to lots of iunk music. ]unior high :
science teacliers are also really' good at coming up with new v.'on.ls, for some re.i:-a-n, I.itIlu..-
I
I -. I
I kids can also be excellent sources of gab. Remember what you used to call people before you i ':a-
'-.-..
"-."'."
-:-:-..1_.Im.liin'l'|‘1--
_ . -.-
learned "real" bad words?‘ “'r'ou can also just make stuff I.tp. _vou glarky btioaebulging
|11,ipuu.'1'per. "I he poinl, is, do your thang at1+,| evet'yo|1i,- will be liappy. ' ‘
_r " ._ ' _.._.' :4:-*4
-fmi.-I-é-.4.-I-I--C-:I—:'1I:\.-I--I-I —:I-I:'—I-'1-—-I 1%.; --—r-—--i...--an '-"3' ‘"2 _.."..:I-
. ‘J
E-f'—-'-I‘-—'%'fl-j-I-—-'——I-—I.-|.r -—-I-I-I--an Tm "--I1’ 1: -u-:--—-----

Ear.-as aisenherr-iers tlirriit. the lvieister of Ea-ad leads to serve arrarre alternate clia-ea-.sier:_ but they are full of crap. -IH""
 The Fellicular lvlaze: A vast realm ef giant
hair and drifting dandruff. lt’s a very reegh
place te hang en t.
Gargle Twice: This bitchin’ and well-
defendecl citadel between ‘rapple and Teri.
Giewhie: A realm ei lumineus stene in the
lands ef Ewg. Slavery is a big thing here.
Herus rvierus: The llling ei the Deng. He is
ene had dude.
I-leemanitarianism: A religien that esp-
euses the virtues ef the ancient l-leemanrace.
ivlany i-leemanitarians believe the I-leeman—
race will semeday return frem its celestial
exile.
Hugerme XIII: lteistermeister ef Fleem.
The Incredibly Huge Munster"-1: This
really incredible hig, uniathemably large,
massively ginermeus dead menster. lt’s se
big that cities and mines and stuff are built
right inte it.
Keister Island: The geegraphic center ef
the tfiitith. it's a really big island with a really
big hele in it. Alse, there are tens ef these
weird statue thingees scattered all ever.
The Keister ef Gawd: A really big hele in
the greund. Nehedy knews hew it was made,
but it has stinky gasses ceming frem it and
seems te be as hettemless as a cup ef ceiiee.
Jeeale Freakisrn: A faith centered areund
the worship of The iting, an ancient deity
wershipped by the I-leemanrace. Fer seine
reasen, the letter ”t” is impertant te fellewers
ef the faith.
Jemima's Witnes sism: A religien dedicated
te the hatred ei the I-leemanrace and all it
steed fer. l.”’racticed mestly by crerneiillians
whe believe their ancesters were slaves and
feedstuifs te the despised, and tltankfully
extinct, Heemanrace.
iviaankass: The capital city ef the lvleenular
Cheese Fields. The buildings are made eut ef
petrified cheese.
Mensterwax: A versatile
material harvested frem the
Auricular Wax lvlines.
The lvlenstreus Headland: The
head part ef the Incredibly l-luge
ivlensterTM.
The Meenular Cheese Fields: A
vast realm of curdled geeduess.
See, leng age a chunk ef cheese
from the moon fell te Clith
and crushed a large _ _,.-
_.
sometimes.
The Phesterance: A fetid swamp in the
midst ef Ewg.
The Primerdial Soup Kitchen: Seme sert
ef legendary place that has semething te tie
with making animals er semething. [t’s been
lest te histery fer rnillennia, er se say the
legends anyway.
The Quarry at the flanged: A mucesite
mine rumered te exist semewhere within the
lncredi bly Huge l'v‘lensterTM.
Scab: This ceel reving city that wanders
areund en the hacks ef three giant slegs.
The Sea of Pustulance: A really, really
gress place en the surface ef Tersevania.
Den’t ever ge there.
Snerd Fjord: A huge canyen in the
lvleenular Cheese Fields. It was the site ef
seme big battle er semethin g.
Stanism: This religien is based en
selfishness and deing whatever yeu want. As
the daddy ef hedenism, Stan is a big
prepenent ef sin and vice.
Sultan Pepper: The theecratic menarch ef
Elahajuana.
Tail: The tail ef Hie incredibly Huge
lvlenster"-l. lt’s heme te the celebrated
greethee heid s.
Tath Shardhern: A farneus explerer.
The Tears of Eeergleaar: Dangereus
meuntains that term the bacltbene ef Ewg.
Savage tribes live here, as de fanatic
Eieergleaarians.
That Cine Place with All the Sand: The
wer|d’s biggest litter hex.
Teasl". A really sntiazy city in the Dingdem
ei the Deng- It has mere casines, brothels, and
religieus shrines per square yert than
anywhere else en Clith.
Tersevania: The central regien ef the
Incredibly Huge l'vlensterTM. This is where the
guts are.
Urinium: Seme weird mineral that sup-
posed ly helds the secret te eternal life or seme
such nensense.
Lluulen Crepules: An iniameus creme-
fillian centanimater. l-le’s suppesedly a really
bad guy, but hes rich se neleedy cares.
‘rewnerk, Eereft ef Denieens: The ruins ef
an ancient city semewhere in Ewg. It get
cevered in mud semehew, but it’s feeling
much better new, thank yeu.
Yimminee the Sense: This really farneus
histerian guy. He invented the medern
calendar, discevered a bunch ef stuff, and also
created the famees Seuseburger Sandwich.
‘fart: The unit ei measure fer just abeut
everything.
I"
Well, that's abeut it fer new. If you want te
knew mere, read a bit further. In general, the
Bess sheuld be familiar with everything in
this entire beek, as well as the three hundred
and ferty velurne set of the Encyclopedia
Clithtanicca, released earlier this year. The
heap sheuld knew the stuff in this Gazetteer
and can have access te peints further en if the
Bess decides they have cause to knew that
stuff. Fer example a l'-’lnew|edge skill
te mensters might allew the character relating,
peruse Tltc Elcstiery tyftlitli. That sert ef thing...
Ely may he peepin’ like me
body clone got squeezed through
the old fun factory but I can stil polish
them what peer rne gist sideways. ya dig?
l have no clue what I just said.
I wil rock your arnadeus, you feather
filchlng barnyard. ...learn you
to barf with my likes.

part ef the civilized

world. New it's the
tastiest place te live, unless yeu are a creach in
The Crack ei Ueem, but that’s just gress.
ivfeunt Funky: An extinct velcane that
tewers abeve the city ei Teast. Seme peeple
think it's a giantegg, but they are stupid.
ivlucesite: A legendary, and easily
sculpted, building material. It's extremely
rare and expensive.
New Derlquar: CIith's largest and mast
cesrnepelitan city. Part ef the Independent
Eiessdems ei Drdure.
Did flerlqear: The crappy ruins ei seine
fll-..‘l City.
Drdure: A bunch ef independent bessclems
that ferm military and cemmercial alliances
with each ether, and else they fight each ether
The Crapta stic World o
mi
From the Journals ofTa’ch Shardbom
"Like allgreat travelers, I have seen more [ban I remember
end remember more than I have seen. "
-Tath Sharclborn, Perpetual TourisL
For such a crap hole, Dith is home to a
surprisingly large number of diverse cultures
and creatures. The following passages, taken
from Tath Shardborn’s epic treatise The lf‘v'lx:le
Hole: A 'l»".r:grant's Gurlfe to Mullra Dftla, describe
several of CIith's better explored lands,
countries, and regions. Within each section
you may find descriptions of particular places
of interest. These locations are described
under the "Don't forget Lo visit" heading.
Dbviously these aren't the only places
around, just a few that Tath found
notewo1'thy. Feel free to explore further and
populate the Ctith as you see fit.
Banners Encoouysas
Each day the heap spends outside of a
citified area you may want to check for a
random encounter. To do so, draw a card
from your action deck. If it is a face card, an
encounte1' occurs. Roll on the Encounter Table
for that area to see what the group runs into.
If you draw a joker, roll twice and run both
encounters simultaneously.
Use your wiles when running random
encounters. Give yourself a few minutes to
think it out and make it interesting.
Encounter tables can be found on page TE,
immediately following Tat'h's writings.
Anvsr-:'1'naa mass
You may notice, unless you are an idiot,
that some entries are preceded by the %
symbol. This crazy cheese denotes
barebones suggestion for an adventure in that
locale. That's it, just a suggestion. The Savage
Tales starting on page 85 are where you go for
ready-made adventures.
Vm-..L Srxrs
Pay attention and you just might find, at
the beginning of each entry, a section that lists
a few important facts about the region. The
items are described thusly:
Geography: A brief introduction to the
natural wonders, urban achievements, and
geological features of the place lives in this
section.
Populace: This describes the approximate
number of sapient beings who make the
realm their home, as well as a parenthetical
listing of the most common types
encountered. Unless noted otherwise, assume
that the inhabitants are a mix of the intelligent
species of Ditlt.
Resources: Here is a brief catalogue of the
most commonly exported or exploited
agricultural and mineral products. lvlany of
these substances a1'e described within the
entry itself.
Governance: This tells you who is in charge
and how they govern.
Cities and Towns: Look here to find a brief,
non-comprehensive, listing of some of the
more important cities and towns that are
found in the region. Listings in bold have
their own personal description.
Relations: Wanna know how the denizens
of this place get along with the people of other
lands? This is where to look.
AN INT1lflDUE’[tDI*~I
a To THE Lanes ;tT'~tD Wonosas
Elf Mnyna DITH
The planet Clith is, for the most part, a total
wreck. The whole place reeks of filth and
decay. The landscapes are shattered, desolate,
and bleak. The seas stink of rot and the land
stinks of the sea. That's not to say that natural
beauty and majesty do not exist, simply that
when such things are found, they are made all
the more b-eauteous and majestic for their
scarcity.
Despite these former statements, perhaps
even contrary to them, wonders abound.
Beauty, in the classical sense, is in short
supply, but a host of natural marvels keeps
even the most jaded traveler's jaw agape and
drooling. From the snowcapped, volcanic
peaks of the Teats of Eoorglezar to the
 -

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hettentless Keister ef Gawr_l the werlrl is sensibilities ef Prissy Srnelf may be a relaxing Cities and Tewns: egeg City; Gerfle [a
veritalaly infested with anuaeing testan1ents te day spa te a werrn free‘: Clertfs Wang. hidden hastien ef srnelven resistance
the pewer ef the ereater {er ereaters, w|1eever Indeed, many deni;r.ens ef Clritli are preuel ef fighters]; Smite; tens ef small villages and.
l1e, she, er they may be}. Here we have an the hrelszen nature ef the werld, eensidering it tewns_
entire realm eempesed ef the eerpse ef a a verit'i+.;atien ef their ewn resilience and Iteiatiens: The denizens ef egeg take what
deeeased ntenster, ever here are the perseverance. they want. Tl*iey have little use fer the nieeties
'
luminescent stenes nf Glewhie. Te yeur left I.ilr.e it er hate it, it's where we live, Se yeu ef elipleniaey. Raiding parties are eeeasienalljIpn;-;--._
are the blue skies and green Er|'E'l55t.l!S ef the- might as well stiek a elethespin en yeur nese sent te l€.eister Island and the lneredil::ly Huge
".9;
verdant Dingdein ef the Deng. Watch yeur and I,-ilunge ahead as I, Tath 5l1ElI'dlJflI'[L l"-alt:-i1ster"’*" te steal stuff and havea little fun,
step as yeu traverse the sweeping dunes ef intreduee yeu te seine ef Mutha Clitl1’s
'I'h-at Plate with All The Erarid. Dine in style en 'LveI‘1L‘leI's, realms, cities, and eesspeels. I-‘tny traveler te the island natien ef Agog
the l‘-.»leenular Cheese Fields. The peint is, yeu weuld ele well te hide his purse. Despite eries
den’t need arnher waves ef grain and elean The .Emfn'.r:'ea'f Tyrflnrlum of frern the I-‘tgeg l'vlinistry ef Teuriser,
water te find glery in nature. lvlutha Clith will Cernrneree, and Esztertien, erime is rarnpant.__
previde, te say nething ef tl1ese wenders r-‘igeg is a land ef bandits stealing frern
ere-ated by her deni;r.ens_ l:';aneliI~s_ Everyene is a erirninal and everyene
Yes indeed, the residents ef iviutha Lilith, is a vietiin ef l2l‘lI‘1‘iE.‘. what a strange place. ‘fee
hligltteel and urlevelved hy a hillien ealarnities, (The fi!ee.d- sudden in 9) see, aeeereling te the King ef fiigeg, a sltriveled
are a resilient, industrieus, and creative hen: named Fistpeunder I23-aveilzianger,
huneh. Leudly preelainting the glery ef Geegraphy: The islands are a mis: ef feggy pessessien is the law. If yeu are ltelding
intelligent thinking and eeeperatien are the Iriuelflats, heulder strewn valleys, and sernething, it is yeurs. If yeu put it dewn and
hrillianteities, tewns, and villages thatdet the dun1py, reu nded n1 eunta i ns. _ serneene else pielss it up, it is his. Even if
laI'H_ls::ape like iI‘1grnvvI‘1 l1aiI‘s en the ass flf Pepulaee: 5El,lllll.l er se aeress all three serneene hlatantly takes it trern yeu, it
ereatien_ These. manufaetu red wenders are ne islands {ft let ef heres and ether unsavery heeentes his as seen as he helds it. ..-HIE
less majestic than these created by nature, l'y l_1t.l‘$]. The waters surreunding the island.
perhaps even mere se eensidering the seuree_ Reseurees: lvlereenaries; pain; reeks; heese; kingdern are infested with priee—e—eerns and
l_l|1derstanLl, ef ileurse, |:l1at beauty is ir1 the 'wl'|at passes fur greiri. ether dangereus serts, while the lands are
eye ef the apiarian_ What leeks like a Gevernanee: Fistpeunder Gavelhaitger is filled with gangstas, thugs, and asserted
herrifying pit ef ease and filth te the eultured the hadass leader ef this kingdern ef thugs. villains.

. . - -1'" .;*.,j':_ _
Hey l'i.'ii:Is'. Ca-n yeu find Ta'.|1 "3l'Ianrell:rI:Irn in ¢av:l]I'.|.‘.If the pIi:.I..r-_s l__n_ is rhapier? .-.._

lvlere a sprawling castle than an actual city,
Ageg City is the capital ef ngeg. It is a lawless
and vielent place ef stene blecks, iren spikes,
and feggy, lTturl<—Et'tt1lc1E'El alleyways.
ageg City has little te effer travelers, aside
frem the nccasienal stab in the gut. Clnly the
lfiiifloughest and mest daring teurists visit this
place. These that de are usually here te recruit
mercenaries er get teasted eff ef the amazing
beers brewed in the Bar Keep, a cembinatien
pub, brewery, and terture chamber.
Den'[ Ferget te Visit
The Bar Keep: Lecated at the base ef the
tallest tnwer in ngng City, this stene and
, metal cempler: serves the must amazing
"bee.r.e. Ru mer says that the brew is made ef
fermented smelf bleed and what passes fer
grain.
Drunlcards can enjey their beer while
listening te the screams ef these whe refuse te
' pay their tab, since the place is alse a fully
steclted freelance terture chamber.
The ewner ef the Bar sleep is Eiarrelsmasher
Hangnail, a blind here. It is said that he can
smell anything that gees en in ngeg City with
his amazingly sensitive schnea.
% fitlme Kind nf Sea Munster
Something: In whieh E1 neterinus [.'IriL'E‘—r:-—i:t‘JrI'I
tells ef a menster that eats ships and peeps
treasure.
liarrelsrr-asher Hangnail may have a sensitive
62
_I-
.§
THE FESTERIHG CR.fif'H{lLE$ llF
llrlli" A VERY HIGE PLACE ill VISIT
The lands ef Ewg encempass a gigantic
area ef crumbling meuntains, deep craters,
velcanlc ash, petrified ferests, and thick,
miasmlc marshes ef fungus and syrupy
water. Per the meat part they are uninhabited
by civilized fellas, aitheugh the edd mining
celeny, adventuring e:~:peditien, er deranged
hermit can be feund if ene searches hard
eneugh. Scarcely pepulating the land, rnestly
aleng the ceast and in the hills surreunding
the meuntaineus Tears ef Beergleaar, are
several indigeneus tribes ef savages, feral
Wanderers, and berles.
Ruled, at least neminally, by a mysterieus
being called The tlubernater, Evvg is a demain
largely bereft ef useful reseurces, impertant
e:=:ceptiens being the lumineus minerals ef
Elewliie and the beautiful fungi ef the
Phesterance. The Guhernater and his lninlens
centrel the harvesting and expert ef these
reseurces with an iren lung. I mean an iren
er
scbnez. isu t it blues nest ta‘ that
E
fin. —
"-...
- -e is.
Cle1'b's Wang
Geegraphy: Huge ferests ef petrified weed
{even the leaves have turned te stene}; het
gravel pits; lew valleys ef fungal scrub.
Papulace: Elltlll er se [mestly savage tribes
ef werms er hnrcs, with the eecasinnal
ezsplerer er rnissienary in the ceel-ting pet).
Reseurces: Ll rinium [er se say the legends};
animal parts; stene leaf prejectile peints.
C-evernance: Technically ruled by the
(Subernater ef Clewhie, but pregressively
under the central ef lucal chiefs.
Cities and Tewns: Deeens ef tribal villages.
Relatiens: The savage tribes that inhabit
this place are censtantly fighting against the
nppressien nf the Gubernater. ‘visiters are net
welceme witlinut a really geed reasen and a
buttlead ef gifts.
This vast penisula is named far a lncal here
ef legend. Ftccerding re a resident tribe ef
savage werms, Clerb the Frecligieus
vanquished a herde ef rampaging scary ass
muthas by intimidating them with his
impressive girth. aside frem its name and
pessible interest te histerians, Clerb’s Wang
has little te effer, althnugh it is rumered te be
the enly remaining seurce ef the rare mineral
knewn as urinium. That's right, uriniurn.
% I-‘Lil's fiivell that Ends tivvell: in which
the heap must unite the varieus savage tribes
ef Clerb's Wang against a herrid visiter frem
semewhere else.
at He ‘lift.-e ‘Smells Far, abett ef the Garden et__'irrel|err-e_n_ta|_-_._-iE|_ee
Glowhio
Geography: "v'ast and immeasurable plains
of cratered stone; boulde1' strewn chasms,
thousands of winding, subterranean tunnels;
deposits of luminous smolde1'stone.
Fopulace: l{l,ll[l{l or so [flflflll slaves and
about Elltlfl lashmasters, guards, and
merchants].
Resources: Smolderstone: slaves.
Governance: The Gubernator of Ewg is the
supreme authority.
Cities and Towns: Roze (wherein is the
Gubernator's palace}; a few scattered villages
of miners.
Relations: Wltat happens in Glowhio stays
in Glowhio.
In the lands of Ewg, just holeward of the
Teats of Boorglezar, is the desolate realm
known as Glowhio. This place is just plain
creepy. There's this eerie g1'een glow that
permeates everything in the blasted desert.
Very little g1'ows here, save for the seemingly
omnipresent mutant land fish and the variety
of beasts that feed on them {and on whatever
travelers a1'e foolish enough to visit}. Here we
have a realm of craters and ash, a polluted
landscape of dimly luminescent filth and
savage monsters.
The one redeeming feature of Glowhio is
the fact that it is the only known source of the
glowtenlially valuable mineral known as
smolderstone. Smolderstone, as everyone
knows, is a smooth rock that retains its
luminescence even after being removed from
the glow-nurturing soils of Glowhio. This
amazing quality makes smolderstone
invaluable to mine1's, E-:n:|_1lCI1'E'1'S, librarians and
anyone else who fancies a light source that
lasts forever and doesn't cause incidental fires
and burns. The stone forms the basis of Ewg’s
economy and is mined by specially trained
slaves owned by the Gubernator.
I5tnyone or anything that spends
considerable amounts of time in Glowhio will
begin to acquire a glow of its own. Such
luminescence begins to fade after a day or two
away from the source, however, and
disappears altogether within a week or so.
Don't for ef_ to Visit
The Gu%ernator's Slave Market and
Smolderstone Emporium: This trading post
is the closest thing Glowhio has to a decent
marketplace. Subterranean in design, the
market is a wandering catacomb of stalls and
booths, illuminated from within by the
mysterious nature of the land. Hawkers and
peddlemeisters shout for attention and their
callings echo dully throughout the tunnels.
iviany things can be found here, as the
resident merchants are always eager to trade
for exotic items from elsewhere. This is just
about the cheapest place to buy or trade for
smolderstone, since you have to find a way to
get it home yourself.
% What the Heck Happened Here?: Wltal
caused the Gubernator to confiscate the
property of his cousin Peenoslril Pottymouth?
'I'I.|'he-1 travelrng
‘I:-—u
The fhesterance
Geography: A gigantic swamp of filthy,
disease-ridden water; colorful
fungus and moss.
Populace: 50 {only crazy people and the
occasional desperate fungus gatherer lives
here}.
Resources: Fungus, disease, bad times.
Governance: fltlthough the Gubernator
ostensibly owns this festering land, he never
bothers with it.
Cities and Towns: None, although real
estate is incredibly cheap.
Relations: It's hard to have relations when
you are as nasty as the Phesterance.
The Phesterance tops my list of places l’d
least like to revisit. This vast swampland is
cloaked in a thick cloud of miasmic spores,
progeny of the ubiquitous forests of giant
fungus that blight the landscape like tumors
on a kanker’s belly. This is one of the most
inhospitable environs on Clith. The water is
thick and syrupy and inhabited by dreadful
things. The food sucks and the service is
atrocious.
‘Don't forget to Visit
Pooblo the Sclmoz: lf you absolutely have
to venture into the Fhesterance, why not seek
out the hovel of Pooblo the Schnoz. lt’s
rumored that Pooblo is a smellcaster without
compare, and that he has invented a new,
mo1'e efficient, way to harness the
smellements. Clf course, Fooblo is a crotchety
old smelf and his shack is suspended above
the morass on stilts hundreds of yorts high.
% I Stink, Therefore I .-‘tin: ln which the
heap search for the secrets of Pooblo the
Sclmor. and get caught up in the cult lifestyle
of the Fungish.
thruiiligh the Phesterante whistle‘ _;:_!'l'iappy tune‘ to ''f;''lSI'_:l;_lefo'l‘iT. rr-adne s s-.' ‘fl... _
The Tests of Boorgleaar
Geography: Jagged mountains; lava flows;
forests of volcanic calderas; icy lakes; enormous geysers
and steam gouts; occasional outcroppings of -
fungus.
Populace: lfiflll {SUD o1' so monks and about
llllltl scattered savages}.
Resources: Religious indoctrination, mud,
volcanic glass.
Governance: Mother Posterior Reverend
Lolola Yumonomee heads the Eoorglezarium
but has to pay tribute and taxes to the
Gubernator. Local chiefs rule the savage
tribes.
Cities and Towns: Assorted tribal villages,
The Eoorglezarium, Yewnork [an abandoned
outpost city owned by the Gubernatorj.
Relations: The Eoorglezarium is open to all
visitors, especially those with empty minds
and open pockets. The savages are a potluck
of headhunters, cannibals, and generally ni
it
people. They are constantly at war with each 143‘
other, as well as any minions of the
Gubernator who happen by. The ruined city
of Yewnork is constantly under siege by
unhappy savages.
This crumbling mountain range is riddled
with caverns and slowly spouting volcanoes.-
The highest peaks are home to deadly ice
flows and the lower reaches are the domain of
bubbling surges of lava, devastating
landslides, vicious predators, scalding
geysers, and cute little duckies. It's a
dangerous land to traverse and an even more
dangerous land to inhabit. Savage tribes of
indigenous werms and horcs roam the
mountainsides, forever warring with one
"
another and boiling the occasional tourist or
wanderer.
-
fa- .-I-E.
J
 The Bonrglezarium

The only civilized [if you can call them

that} beings to inhabit the Teats a1'e the
trroachular denizens of the floorglezarium, a
}ggI‘£"'beautiful monastery carved from the volcanic
J face of a mountain somewhere holewhence of
Glowhio. The resident monks are all devotees
of Eoorglezar, the Cosmic Dung Beetle,
Creator of the C‘-‘itli and l"~lurturer of Life.
The monastery is constructed in the shape
of a gigantic beetle, forever spouting a
torrentential cascade of mud and steam from
its mouth and nether regions. The several
hundred clerics in residence are supervised
'1 Mother Posterior Reverend Lolola
Yumonomee, a brilliantly obese croach who
also happens to be one of the most potent holy
rollers around. I-Ier followers are supremely
devoted to her. Most of them a1'e croaches, but
several devotees from other species a1'e in
‘C- residence as well.
gih-i"44.& Stomp in tlie Hattie of Love: In which
the Mother Posterior has been targeted for
assassination.

Don't forget to Visit

The Eiouvenirium S2: Gift Shop: This is the
perfect place to pick up something special for
your loved ones back home. All sorts of
devotional tools, from googly—eyed Boorglezar
idols to canonical literature bound in
esophagator hide can be found here for a
.-reasonable price. My uncle Scrat’s friend Great is a really fat The Monstrous Headland
cremefillian. He's one of those gigantic
fifteen-sandwich—eating motherlovers that The Monstrous Headland is a huge area,
Yewnork, Bereft of Denizens everybody points at when he waddles down hundreds of big yorts across. A thick forest of
the street. as a larva, I used to think he was tangled hair and the cavernous entries to the
Ctiice a thriving market town, outpost, and the biggest guy in the world, but my Attricular War: Mines are the most obvious
port for the trade of smolderstone by sea, the
perspective turned itself inside out when I landmarks, as the beast died with its face to
entire city was destroyed by a bubbling visited the corpse of the Incredibly Huge the ground, its countenance impaled on an
mudslide that cascaded down the Teats about Monster” on a family vacation after my first immense spear of steel, or so the legends say.
forty years ago. Some say the slide was molting. Think of the biggest creature you can The outer surface of the great, curved
on by the prayers of willful savages,
.i-'

? ugl1t
zbthers declare it an act of Boorglezar.
Regardless of the cause, the city spent several
years choked in mud before a second flow,
this one of cool, refreshing water, descended
on the municipality and washed away the
offending mud. Now what you have is a
genuine ruined city, abandoned by the
populace [the living populace anyway) and
ripe for exploration.
;Don't forget to Visit
The Place Wliere They Hid All the
Treasure: lklobody knows where this is, but it
has to exist, seeing as to how this is a ruined
.c:ity and all.
% Treasure? Who Said Anything Aliout
Treasurei’: In which a cryptic map hints at a
secret treasure buried somewhere within the
ruins of ‘fewnork.
imagine. Then double it in size. 'l"hat’s pretty
big, yes no? Double it again- You're still not
even close. The Incredibly Huge tvionsterTM is
so freakin’ huge that a person standing on its
nose would have to walk for a week just to get
to its belly button. It's just that big.
tslobody knows where the Incredibly Huge
l'vlonster"'1 came from or why it died.
Wisenheimers speculate that it arose in the
sea near the I3-ingdom of the Dong and went
on a year—long, cross»-continental rampage of
destruction before finally being slain by an
enchanted spear wielded by the legendary
hero I-loiopocus the Plump, and that its
demise may have something to do with the
gigantic metal tower rumored to be lodged in
its face, but thats only supposition.
Nowadays what you’ve got is basically this
amazingly big dead creature covering a large
portion of the land. "throughout recent
history. beings have tried to build settlements
across the expanse of the Incredibly Huge
l'vionster“~' but the monstrous denizens and
scavengers that populate the corpse make
such endeavors extremely dangerous.
landscape is dominated by a thick and
tousled jungle known as The Follicular Maze.
The inner reaches of the I-leadland are a
boggling mess of ttmnels and immense,
e:-tpansive cavities.
There is great mineral wealth in the
Monstrous Headlands, including massive
deposits of wait, ivory, and a strange stone
known as mucosite.
The filurioular Wax Mines
Geography: The amazingly gigantic left
ear of the Incredibly Huge Monster'“'‘' [The
right ear has collapsed}. The ear canal winds
its way for hundreds of big yorts.
lnnumerable side tunnels and mine shafts
form a labyrinth of twisting, largely
uncharted, passages.
Populace: Sllflfl {mostly denizens of [loop].
Resources: Monsterwa:-t, answers.
Governance: F rezzish the Flage heads the
riliuricular Was: Mining Expedition. I-Iupu
Hirsute is mayor of Doop.
Cities and Towns: Eioop.
Relations: Trade relations with various

The auricular El-racle is pretty dang smart for a big gun

.l:

«in.
‘h_
lands are streng and generally friendly. The
hercs ef ageg are disceuraged frem visiting.
The multitudineus caverns that cempese
the unimaginably extensive canals
tunnels feund in the ears ef the Incredibly
i-luge lvlenster"-' are heme te a vast and
lucrative mining eperatien. The thick waxy
depesits harvested frem the mines are used in
a wide variety ef ways. lylensterwax, as it is
knewn, makes an excellent lamp fuel,
waterpreefer, leak fixer, ceeking eil, l1air
meusse, fleer and furniture pelish, and light
snack. it is a very valuable ceinmedity, which
is why the auricular Wax lvlining Expeditien,
run by a cranky t:-edul named Frezxish the
Flage, is se very wealthy.
Deeper within the auricular lvlines a
greater treasure is rumered te be secreted.
indeed, tales tell ef a pregnesticating being ef
ceru men and magic that tells fertunes in these
whe answer his riddles. The .='~.uricu|ar Oracle,
as this being is knewn, is whispered te live in
all times at ence, knewing all and fergetting
neflting. His exact dwelling place is a clesely
guarded secret and few creditable witnesses
have ever described him.
% Ear and Far: In which a caravan carrying
a large shipment ef mensterwax is hijacked by
The Danged.
% Frnnt Ear tn Eternity: In which a
wealthy pimp frem Fleem wants te see the
auricular Dracle.
% 'r"r'axing hlestalgic: In which the heap
search fer an ancient and pewerful artifact.
Deep, The Beerning Tewn ef
The beaming tewn ef Deep is built inte the
fleshy cliff side at the base ef the entrance te
the auricular Wax lylines. The residents are a
mixture ef wax miners, hair harvesters,
merchants. and ether rebust types.
aside frem headquartering the auricular
Wax Mining Ex-peditien, Deep is alse heme te
mest ef the lecal hair harvesting eperatiens
and a base camp fer ex peditiens te ether parts
ef The incredibly Huge Meitsterm.
% The Maytir uf Hair: ll'l which semething
bad has happened te Mayer Hupu. lvlaybe his
wife left him er semething like that. The heap
get te play marriage ceunseler.
% Hair Tnday, Kenn Tnninrrmv: In which
a hair harvester and stylist frem Deep wants
te expand his enterprise, but fer seme reasen
a bunch ef primerdial geens try te step him.
D‘en't Fer at, Le Visit
The Split Hair: ‘The main attractien ef
Deep is the lecal brethel_ The Split Hair, as it
is knewn, is renewned werldwide as a great
place in get yeur stab en. The ewner and
manager ef the place. a werinular pimp
minted lylagnanimeus, is said in have traveled
extensively, gathering the fittest f-are fer his
custemers.
% Pimp vs. Pimp: In which tl'te flt'tI'nbnyEII‘It
ewner ef The Split Hair is suspicieus ef a new
arrival in tewn.
lireetltuu beids are fend
The Fellieular Maze
Geegraphy: A massive fe1'est ef hair. The
strands a1'e hundreds ef yerts tall and dezens
and ef yert thick. Clunips ef dandruff and lew
scrub tnelds are cetnrnen.
Pepulace: Slit] permanent residents {mestly
hair harvesters travel frem Deep and set up
temperary camps}.
Reseurces: Building materials; edible meld.
Gevernance: Villages are usually geverned
by an elder ef seine sert. Hair harvesters are
residents ef Deep and are Llntsly under the
rule ef the mayer.
Cities and Tewns: ‘y'at'ieus tiny villages
and the eccasienal religieus shrine.
Relatiens: A friendly rivalry exists between
hair harvesters ef the Fellicular lylaze and the
miners ef the riiuricular Wax l‘-rlines.
The great, cu1'ving deme ef the lvlenstreus
Headlands stretches fer hundreds ef big yerts
in every directien. Di ceurse, a bedy in the
Fellicular lylaze can't see this because he is
surreunded en all sides by herrendeusly huge
clumps ef 1'etting hair and sleughjng skin.
Such a place is herrific in the extreme, with
rampaging hair bares and blinding dandruff
stertns a ubiquiteus menace. It's difficult te
reach, since a visiter must scale the
tretnendeus cliffs and cave faces that lead tn
the riiuricular Wax Mines er brave the
nuinereus dangers ef Widevv's Peak. Indeed,
few travelers weuld ever visit if the Maze
wasn't the seurce ef what passes fer lumber in
this 1'egien ef the Ditli.
The villages and tewns areund here
actually weave their dwellings eut ef the
ginermeus strands ef hair harvested fretn the
fellicular tnaze. Such a building material is
flexible and streng, able te withstand the
hewling winds and greund tremers cemmen
te this land. Small ceinpanies
harvesters a1'e a cemmen sight in the Maze.
gathering the fruits ef their Iaber with leng
axes and specially censtructed sleds.
it sheuld ge witheut saying, unless the
reader is an idiei. that all the hair harvesting
happens areund the eutskirts ef the Maze.
The inner reaches are far tee remete, far tee
jumbled, far tee uncharted, and far tee
dangereus fer yeur typical cemrnercial
enterprise te explere.
% The Spear ef I-lelepecus: In which the
heap search fer the Spear ef Helepecus.
% in-'idew’s Peak: In which the baby
daughter ef Frezzish the Flage is kidnapped
frein her cradle in Deep. Hely crapl
The Quarry ef the Danged
Geegraphy: Wile knews? Prebably the
nese ef the Incredibly Huge l'vlensterT”.
Pepulace: An unknewn number ef The
Danged.
Reseurces: Mucesite, precieus mucesite.
Gevernance: Presumably, seine sert ef
high priest er semething.
Cities and Tewns: The l'vlucesite Palace [er
se say the legends].
uf pueligftigthing. The eetcl baths at "l_ai|"5ai'e
. .—I _. t‘
--|l-
Relatiens: The Danged are extremely
secretive and insular. They have ne desire te
talk te anyene whe isn’t buying their
mucesite.
The Quarry ef the Danged lies smashed
semewhere beneath the face ef the Incredibly
Huge Mensterm. as the eniy knewn seurce ef
the exceedingly rare and valuable stene
knewn as mucesite its lecatien is a clesely
guarded secret. Ari enigmatic cenclave ef
miners and engineers harvest the stene,
selling it at exherbitant prices and keeping
their sites and seurces secret. Dangereus
guardian beasts, hidden passages, and sneaky
traps are said te guard the way. at mysterieus
hidden palace ef mucesite is rumered te be-._
'
the base ef this cenclave, a secretive greup
whe call themselves The Danged.
Mucesite: This incredibly rare stene is an
amazing substance indeed. it can be melded
by hand when seftened, but hardens like steel
when dried. It is seught after by
weapensmiths, sculpters, masens, and just 1''
abeut everyene else. In general, the value ef
1-!"
‘II-
anything is multiplied tenfeld when it is made
ef mucesite.
% fiinttung thc Danged: in which the hea?"L_-§- '- '
learn why The Danged are danged_
% Prisnn uf the llangerl: In which ltl'iE'
heap are captured by The Danged and
imprisened in their mucesite palace.
Tail
Geegraphy: an amazingly huge tail
curving and ceiling upward inte the heavens,‘
bejeweled with epalescent scales and deadly
cliffsides.
Fepulace: 2tIl,t'lIfltIl er se greethee beids-
Iteseurces: jeweled scales.
Gevernance: tD1'dlececk, the Great Grand
ef hair
Greethee, rules the reest. l-le is a mean and
nasty tyrant, feared by his peeple and hated
by everyene else.
Cities and Tewns: ‘v"arieus greethee beid
tewns, nests, and villages.
Ilelatiens: Gm-ethee beids generally l<e_e
te themselves. but they eccasienally trar:le*"'_,R
with ether denizens ef the incredibly l-iuge
l‘viensterTM.
The sweeping and chasrnic realm ef Tail is.
the must majestic te be feund anywhere en the
Incredibly Huge l'vlensterT'~*. its curving
landscape, spiraling dezens ef big yerts abev --
the greund belew, is heme te the mysterieus
and mystical greethee beids. a race ef great
wisdem and wile.
Very little is knewn ef this demain. The
terrain is neterieusly difficult te traverse
(u nless yeu are a beid) and the greethee beids
are net very hespitable te eutsiders.
% I Can See My I-Itmse Frnm Here: in
which the heap must bargain with the
greethee beids te gain a pewerful relic ef the”-'
ancient l-leemanrace.
ehc ef Still-i5__-$g.:_eaT ar:|tr‘lattu[_!_ly__iee_ndcrs.
*5." -

Irorsovania
Geography: A stinking desert of decay and
pustulance on the outside; a gooey place of
bowels and horror on the inside.
reapers and crazy people).
Resources: Scabs and scales.
Governance: It-'Cingpenance Hopcifer tends
the lanes at The Howls of the IE‘-‘it'h; E-oldlo
Eoltho is mayor of Scab.
Cities and Towns: Scab; a few scattered
tent villages a.nd oases.
Relations: The Bowls of the Ditli is open to
‘all pilgrims and pinheads; the people of Scab
. e generally an adventitious sort, always
seeking to take advantage of newcomers and
visitors.
Although it is by far the most eitpansive
realm on the Incredibly Huge lvlonsterf”,
stretching from the nape of the It-’.|onstrous
‘idseadlands
""" all the way to the mountainous
and statuesque domain of Tall, wherein dwell
the mystical groothoo boids, To1'sovania is
also the least hospitable to travelers. The vast
outer expanse is a wind-blasted desert of
scabs and scales. Crusty seas of horrid liquid
spot the landscape and beasts too wretched to
describe scavenge the realm for prey. The
inner reaches are even more foul. Dark, fetid,
and stinky, the guts of a monster the size of a
continent a1'e no place for the queasy. For the
most: part, the hoses and arteries and other
thorougltfares within the bowels and trunk of
the Incredibly Huge lvlonsterm a1'e uncharted
and unezsplored.
.-I""‘
r'
Few things of value are to be found in
Torsovania. save for the occasional treasures
scavenged from the corpse of someone who
didn't believe me when I said how dangerous
it is. A few sites of interest do exist. mostly
minor religious shrines and the very
occasional trading post or settlement of scab
reapers.
Don't Forg st, to Visit:
The Bowls of the Elith: Cine Feature of
particular interest deep within the innards of
the beast is The howls of the Ditli, a
combination bowling alley and religious
shrine dedicated to an ancient ritual wherein
a gigantic kidney stone representing the glory
and generosity of jetvis is rolled down the
long alley of intolerance to crush various idols
depicting the sins of the penetant.
The shrine, built and maintained by a sect
of Jeesle Freaks known as the Kings
I’inheads,. is visited by hundreds of pilgrims
every year. Such travelers brave the many
dangers of the Incredibly 1-Iuge lvIonsterTM in
order to worship and pay homage in this holy
site.
% Ii-owling for Souls: In which the heap
learns that pilgrims worshipping at the Bowls
of the flith have a more sinister plan in mind.
the flith He
I’ I‘
The Crack of Doom
There's no nice way to say this. The Crack
of Doom is the monsters's ass. There I said it.
Get your chuckles over with and I'll continue.
Imagine a massive canyon of fleshy... D11,
goose it! Just imagine a giant monster ass. I'm
not going to dwell too long here, and I
suggest you do the same, but suffice to say
that, in the valley beneath the shadow of the
realm known as Tail is a deep, beast-haunted,
canyon. lvlidway down this canyon is the
mouth of a cave. This cave mouth leads deep
into the interior of Torsovania.
The canyon walls a1'e notoriously difficult
to scale, being both smooth and slippery, and
many an explorer has plummeted to his
doom attempting the ascent. In order to reach
the Crack of Doom a traveler must either
descend from the backside of Torsovania, at
the point of the ascension of Tail, or else he
must travel between the legs of the bicredibly
Huge lvlonsterfb and climb upwards toward
the cave mouth.
% Copros the Walloiver: In which the
heap hunt down a mysterious criminal.
Seab, The Roving Town of
When I said before that nothing of value
could be found in Torsovania I guess I was
lying just a little bit. The land does have a bit
of mineral wealth in the form of the
disgusting scabs and scales that occasionally
pepper the landscape. Such effluvia, although
also |'|"a-'l'I!E_"'u 3- |'|'l£aI1 bd-IE!‘-3 sandwich.‘

fragile and difficult to harvest, can be polished
and sold as decorative ornaments to wealthy
people with bad taste.
The roving ca1'avan city of Scab. basically a
few dozen tents and dwellings made of hair
from the Follicular lvlaze, travels the domain,
harvesting scabs and scales. The entire town is
carried about on the backs of three giant slogs
named Cleatus, Featus, and Reptilicus. The
slogs a1'e all connected by flexible bridges and
walkways made of monster hair. I wish there
was room to include a picture of it, because it's
really cool, but the1'e's not so you will have to
use your imagination. Sorry.
The mayo1' of Scab is an enterprising werrn
named Eoltho Soltho. He is said to be a former
slave from Ewg, but never speaks of his past.
% The l-"laming of the Foo: in which a
resident of Scab accuses his business partner
of embezzlement.
The Sea of ]_°u.s[u.l.-ance
‘Wl":at you've got here is your basic festering
wound but on a massive scale. The Sea of
Pustulance is an immense lake of disgusting,
vile pus, the musty remains of an ancient
wound that never healed and continues to
churn long after the Incredibly Huge lvlonsterT“
ceased to breathe.
Deep and choking, the Sea of Fustulance is
no place to take a casual swim. The "water" is
vile and poisonous. Transport to the scabrous
islands that dot the surface like pimples on a
giant ass is accomplished atop the floating,
raft-like scabs that crust the beachhead.
I don't know why anyone would want to
visit this place. It's more disgusting than The
Fhesterance and stinkier than the l:-'Ceister of
Gawd.
Swimming the Sea of liustulance: The
waters of the sea are Inurky and poisonous.
Anyone who is submerged in the pus must
make a Vigor roll every round or be Shaken. A
character Shaken by the pus must make a
second Vigor roll or contract a disgusting
Eapros the Wallcaer. a legendary .5_EHtl‘Il.' burglar, Is lIt|'II:|'rif'-
I
.
__
i
»i
t
-t
Til
disease that causes the victim's flesh to
slowly rot {death in Edd days unless
cured).
% The Precious Crop: in which a
lowly scab reaper discovers something
neat growing on an island in the Sea of
Fustulance.
the ttZtl_.[St'IER]('_‘J-[J8 Reatm op
telateri ‘lEf:l
the Ron:-pchoeks or Q’-'«tt1]i.‘:|
Geography: Huge jagged mountains;
sprawling meadows of moss and
fungus; deep forests of twisted trees
and oozing flowers; the biggest hole in
the world.
Populace: Sl][l,Dl]D
residents of Floom}.
Resources: Smellementals; what
passes for corn and other foodstuffs; all
sorts of stuff really.
Governance: Beloved Keistermeister
Hugormo XIII is the beloved ruler of
Floom.
Cities and Towns: Borph, Floom;
Goss; Torkle; dozens of srnall towns
and villages.
Relations: Most of the municipalities
of Keister Island have good trading
relationships with just about everyone
but the horcs of Agog.
The geographic center of the world,
or so say the wisenheimers, Keister
Island is a wonder of nature and a
testament to the insanity of the creators.
For the most part it's just a big island,
temperate in climate
pleasantly appointed considering the
usual real estate to be found on Ditlt. A
very light, stinky mist clings to just
about everything, not enough to impair
vision or actually get anything wet, but
just enough to remind you where you
to 5teajj:a'-"person's
1 L"
*2} 11%!
are. You see, Keister lslancl houses one
of C‘-'itl1’s greatest ma1'vels, the Keister of
Gawd. This inc1'eclibly, amazingly,
fantastically huge hole in the ground,,
impossibly deep and 1ni11d-bogglinglg " "1.
wide, belches vapors and stenches like a
pile on a chili binge. Wltere it came from
nobody knows. Wlty it's here, who can
say? Wltat does it want from us? What
is“)
does it mean? More on this later.
Strange statues and other relics of
ancient times can be found scattered all
about the island. Discussions about
what these ubiquitous and mysterious
effigies actually depict are almost as
common in the taverns and plazas of
Keister Island as arguments about the
Keister itself. hlobody knows for sure.
or so {mostly Floom, The Bit_c:hin' City of J__... .
‘I'
This large city, second in size only to
New Clorlq uar, is built along the banks
of the rive1' Snooz, overlooking the great
maw of the Keister of Gawd. As the ci.
at the center of the world, Floom is a"" ‘JD
powerful hub of trade and commerce.
lts majestic buildings, paved thorough-
fares, and beautiful sculptures often
make a visitor forget how truly crappy.
the world is. Yes indeed, the city of
Floom is a grand place to visit.
The hereditary monarch of Floom i.
known as the Keistermeister. The
current keistermeister is a werm named
Hugormo Kill. He is a kind and just
ruler, at least ostensibly, and his
subjects adore him, for the most part.
The architects and city pla1me1's who
designed the city of Floom must have
been smoking something. The place is a
and quite
confusing jumble of buildings, sculpt-
ures, canals, and fountains. lvlany of the
buildings are shaped like gigantic faces
or huge asses in tribute to the Keister of
Gawd. There is very little reason to the
winding streets, bridges, and thorough-
- und-erpaI$s_Ia‘i.lT from untler‘.-5,l1_is
1- 1- " -1. trousers
.-I-E. _§z.-a..

fares, which often overlap each other or
turn about in strange ways. The
indigenous residents seem to have
gotten used to it, but it can be very
disconcerting to visitors. blot sur-
prisingly. porters and tour guides n1al-ce
a good living shuffling tourists and
, 3' _r' travelers about the city.
‘*1-Eh
Don'1; Forget to Visit,
The Chopping Block: Directly across
from the Scrappin’ 1-[ole and up a
winding flight of stairs is a restaurant of
dubious reputation. This relatively
nondescript watering hole is famous for
its delicious, secret recipe chili and the
stylish bibs that it loans to patrons. 1
. could go for a bowl about now..-
=% lJan1n Crrrwci Stuff: In which it
seems everyone in town can't get
enough of that Chopping Block Chili.
Chunks of Stuff: This small shop,
run by a mysterious bodul named
Porsimer carries all sort of bizarre
herbs, animals, fungus, and crap. This is
the place to go for advice about all
things herbalic, arcane, weird,
cryptic. Porsinfier is quite a knowled-
geable fellow. He talks weird, kind of
all disjointed and stuff, but you can tell
he’s one of the smart ones.
The Grey Ivlatter Boozaterium: This
fancy tavern is run by the local chapter
‘fcrpera the
63
1;
- H
'*-I- g'..='I-.-:._.."l.‘.."e=§e
-I'-i'l'.'1. —.
of the Elementional Discotesticus, an inter-
national social club for psychic oofos
headquartered Floom, Drinks are served
telekinetically and the waitresses always
seem to know what you want before you
order. lf.ind of creepy, but worth the trip. Try
the fondue; its to die for.
% ‘We're All Citlf of hilog Milk: in which
the Grey l'v'latter Eoozaterium is all out of slog
milk.
The Froth: This magnificent fountain in the
center of the city constantly spews forth an
endless cascade of root beer. at former
keistermeister, Hugormo ll-I, had the Froth
installed as a gift to the people of Floom. an
enterprising crernefillian, one Saio Shim
Loach from the Dingdom of the Dong, has set
up a profitable business renting mugs to those
who come to drink from the wonderful font.
% 't’t"u11den llvltig of Eloum: Saio ‘5l'|irrl
Loach is a spy, and he's not really even from
the [3-ingdom of the Dawn.
The Place of Pondering: A huge plaza
carved from a single massive block of
mysterious silver stone, the Place of
Pondering is a gathering spot for
or
philosophers, poets, zealots, and others who
like to have their voices heard. The strange
minerals of the place seem to help people
focus their thoughts a bit more clearly than
normal.
Pondering: Due to some strange eman-
alions of the weird silver stone, anyone within
'5|eeI'r' is 'lhe._lir:es‘l-_-,h.irber 'l|'-is--side of
.1"
-I-'
'5 ‘_'
"
E g.
"Ir
‘=-.- - ‘L
so-.....u
the Place of Pondering gains a +1 bonus to all
Smarts rolls (and skills that use Smarts} for
the duration of their stay.
% l'rn Snulrfer fhaii ‘lfou: In which the
Boss proves she is smarter than the heap.
% House of Quill Repute: Finsto the
Quill, a semi—talented tattoo artist, has been
sold into slavery. Rescue his sorry ass so he
can finish your back tattoo.
The fleekbottle Theater: This beautiful
indoor theater, constmcted in the likeness of a
ho raungous ornate bottle, puts on many of
the finest plays and spectacles in the city.
% Encorel: ln 'Wl'1iEh Guy Goosevomit
hires the heap to humorously alter the script
for his riva|'s nest play.
The Scrappin’ Hole: This huge arena is a
place of gladiatorial combat and public
spectacle. $ince slavery is illegal in Floom,
most gladiators are convicted criminals who
fight and kill to gain their release from prison.
% I’er1ullir.nafe Minion Fighting Champs:
In which two rival contanimators stage a
no—holds—barred, winner—take—all, fight—to—
the—death extravaganza before the main
event
‘rorpozz the Eleerrfs Ride-thru Pet Store
and Barber Shop: aside from providing a
damn fine haircut, this pet store, operated by
an oofo named ‘forpozz the F-leern, sells just
about every kind of animal imaginable.
& Mullcis and Milfs: in which "f'orpozz’s
That _|l1Ine Plate 'l"i'i‘ll'J All The ‘inarrtl
 |"
new girlfriend hates his haircut and tries te
kill him.
The Keister ef Gawd
I--iely sufferin‘ dew rag ef Jemima! This is
ene freakin’ huge hele in the greund. It has te
be at least a gaeillien yerts acress, prebably
even mere than that. and it's really freakin’
deep tee. l’m talkin‘ se deep that yeu can't
even see the bettem, just a big reiling cleud ef
mist and steam that billews up frem the
depths ef the Dith. Dn ene side yeu’ve get
these massive cascades ef water spilling in
frem the su rreunding sea, and en the ether
side yeu‘ve get a bunch ef cracks, fi_ssures
and meuntains. It's an incredibly dangereus
place tn be, but alse ene ef the mest amaeing
sights a being's likely te fl in its lifetime.
The erigins ef the hieister are a tepic ef
great debate ameng wisenheimers and
smartasses everywhere. Seme think it was
caused by the impact ef seme cesmic bedy.
like a star er a chunk ef meen cheese. Dthers
centend that the ltieister is the literal butthele
ef H‘IE' planet, the place where l'vlutha Dith
vents her gasses. I den't knew abeut that, but
the place dees stink pretty bad mest ef the
time and it seems te be a haven fer
smellementals and ether nasty critters.
% Gather Llnte Me the Gasses: lft which
strange celers are seen in the gasses billewing
ferth frem the lseister.
l'.'.|‘en't Le Visit
The Earferget
en ef Smellernental Glee: This
fascinating menastery is pesitiened en a
recky prementery that juts eut ever the
Keister ef Crawd_ l-lere grew magical fungi
enchanted with the scents ef all things. Need
a mu shreem that smells like feet? I-lew abeut
a teadstnel that whiffs ef freslily baked
pretzels? The menks that run this weird place
are all master srnellcasters and they make
sure that ne scent gees unappreciated_
Dh yeah, and this is else the place te ge te
learn abeut all serts ef smelletnental
wenders. The rnenks have all kinds ef dandy
apparatuses and stuff that has te die with
reeks and stenches and whiffs and such.
visiters are welcerne, fer a small denatien.
% The Sniell-ti-visirin: In which the heap
search fer a missing artifact and the guy whe
beught it frem the guy whe stele it.
The Weird Statue Thingees
Scattered all acress ltbeister Island are
hundreds ef ricliculeus and ancient stene
statues. These craey leeking effigies all
appear pretty much the same, but range in
height frem itty bitty {at-eut the sine ef a jar ef
pickles} te geesin‘ huge [bigger than yeur
mether—in—law]. They're made eut ef all serts
ef different stenes, including several types
feund newhere else en the island.
hlebndy knews enactly what they mean,
what they are meant te depict, er whe made The Pl:-eple ef the Dingdem are a
them, but the Place ef Pendering and the senephebic and insular batch. lvlest
varieus taverns and cenversatinn pits ef nen—cremefillians are viewed with centempt,
hieister Island are veritably infested with and fereign visiters are treated with scam
epiniens and theeries. Seine wisenheimers and distrust. Despite their paraneia when
are cenvinced that the statues depict giant dealing with strangers te their land, the
rumps facing skyward and were left here by denizens ef the dingdem are ebsessed with
ancient eefes as a means te meen their the cencepts ef hener and traditien. A brekeri.
hemewerlds. This is unlikely, since eefes tab-ee er a perceived insult can, and eften
dc-n't have butts. Dthers argue that the dees, lead te warfare and epen partially
statues depict the true appearance ef the hydregenated animal andfer vegetable
ancient and entinct Heemanrace, placed se sherteningshed. Despite this cede ef hener,___= a.
-
elequently te remind us ef their place in crime, especially the erganiaed variety, is
histery. Further speculaters insist that the rampant.
statues themselves are insignificant and it is The land itself is ene ef the healthiest and
their placement en the island, in precise must verdant te be feund en Dith. This -I-
fermatien that will reveal a pewerful and apparent eddity can be attributed tn the.
enigmatic secret ef the universe. A minerity unique habit ef crernefillians te"
ef thinkers assert the statues are merely unintentienaily seak up the peliuticrn frern .:s_r_
decerative and have ne higher meaning, the surreunding land and stere it in their.
while still ethers centend that they are spengy flesh. tits a result, plants in the
religieus idels wershipped by an kingdnm are actually green, the sky is a
undergreund sect ef transvestite brilliant blue, and the stink ef the air is far less
Beergleearians. rancid than elsewhere.
Whe knews the truth? Certainly net this
lewly teur guide.
% What Uri Yr:-u la‘-."ant fin Tuur
Headstenei’: in which Fleem is invaded by an
army ef villaineus headstenes. Elf ceurse they
are being centrelled by semene evil.
The Kingtlunt at the Fawn, l rnean
.llllll
A Lnntl at Sunshine and lelllpnps
anti evil tyrannical uyyresslun. Hunter. tltulalaery. and llEl.Fl:|-El.fl1|'I'I
G-eegraphy: A meuntaineus and verdant
aI'chipelage.
Pepulace: A bultlead ef cremefillians and
seine tandem teurists.
Reseurces: Crime; fr:-edstuffs ef all serts;
peetry
Gevernance: Herus l'v‘lerus, Ding ef the
Deng, is the Big Daddy in these parts.
Cities and Tewns: Elreken Tee; ‘-Dre Gane;
Itinete: Teast; dneens ef small villages.
Relations: insular and nenephebic;
strangers are usually welcemed with epen
arms and shifty gazes then rebbed er grifted.
If cremefillians can be said te have a
hemeland, this archipelage is it, fer it is the
enly natien pepul-ated almest exclusively by
their kind.
The Dingdem ef the Eltmg is a natien
censtantly at war with itself, run by
cenflicting gangsta warlercls and their armies
ef sarnuricecake heedlums. Ruling supremely
ever all is Herus lvlerus, Ding ef the Deng.
 ‘Mount Funky
The volcanic caldera of Mount Funky
stopped ru tnbling and
centuries ago. How the giant rnountain
sits quietly with its hands gently folded
in its lap, using its indoor voice, and
playing nice with othe1's, figuratively
speaking, of course.
think. Mount
Funky was actually the egg from which
the Incredibly Huge l'vIo11ste1'T” hatched
so many years ago. Most people debunlc
t'his theory as idiotic, but who knows?
Many a philosopher has lost his life in a
duel while arguing this very topic.
Don't forget to Visit
The Tomb of Kobashi the Squid:
T'i'Tlfis beautiful pagoda, built on a cliff
overlool-Li rig the city of Toast, is
rumored to be haunted by the spirit of
Kobashi the Squid, a gangsta lord who
'n.1led the Dingdoni of the E‘-'ong two
_ .~ "centuries ago. All sorts of amazing
treasures are said to be hidden within,
but so far very few have been brave
enough to scope it out.
% 'i'l1e Higlit of the [Jay of the
Return of the Revenge of the Son of
the Squid: That's quite a mouthful.
‘l«"lu7l'1at treasures await the audacious
explorer who dares to invade the tomb
of Kobashi the Squid? Hopefully a cool
weapon or something, none of those
i’ larne sculptures or stupid watercolors.
Y6 Fat ‘iushi I5 actually
Toast is the capital city of the Dingdom of
spewing the Dong. Built atop a dozen hills in the
shadow of the caldera of Mount Funky, its
winding 1'oads and decorative ponds mingle
with beautiful flowerbeds and luminous
paper lanterns. Delicate wooden bridges and
colorful buildings line the paved
thoroughfares as peddlers and drug dealers
hawk their wares from streetside stalls.
Dazzling pagodas and cylindrical towers are
the edifices of choice. Casinos, brothels, and
religious shrines are everywhere.
Don't Forget to Visit
The Grand and Auspicious Palace of his
Most Reverent Personage, Horus Morus,
Ding of the Dong, Emperor of All and
Subject of None: Llmm, yeah. This grandiose
compound is probably the largest and most
ostentatious structure in all the world. It's a
fantastic collection of elegantly sculptured
terraces, pavilions, castles, porches, gazebos,
pergolas, and towers, all connected by
bridges, stairways, plazas, aqueducts, and
arches. The whole thing takes up more room
than many cities. Inside, an army of soldiers,
servants, bodyguards, and slaves tends to
every need and whim of the royal family.
The palace is also the training grounds for
the Ding of the Doug's elite
samuricecake warriors.
from Floor.-I Hls farr-ily emigrated to the Dingdorn
Dingdom Hall of ]emima"s
Witnesses: This majestic temple, located in
the city of Toast just holewhence of Lefty
Horiyashi’s F're-owned iiiclcshaw Emporiurrl,
is the main center of worship for the
cremefillian religion known as the jeroima's
Witnesses, a sect dedicated to destroying all
vestiges of the Hoomanrace. The temple is
made almost entirely of volcanic glass,
shaped and carved to resemble a fen1ale
member of the ancient Hooroanrace. Cln high
holy days, the entire congregation gathers to
defile the hated visage with rotten food and
other, more disgusting, substances.
% Unhand that Thingcc: An ancient
artifact about to be destroyed in a religious
ceremony might be an important piece of a
greater puzzle.
Pair-{J—[}ice Casino, Brothel, and
Religious Shrine: Toast’s largest casino,
brothel, and religious shrine is a wondrous
place indeed. The whole place has a sort of
Keister island theme, with winding bridges
and paths leading to various gambling tables,
private rooms, and altars to various deities.
The ceiling is pain ted to resemble the orange
slcy over Keister island, with paper lanterns
and carefully tended bamboo torches
providing dim and intimate illumination. The
buffet is huge and provides a wide range of
comestibles imported from all over the world.
ranl=:.s of Try the sundae bar, it's deliciously decadent-
in charge of this wondrous place is Don
Sushioka “Fat Sushi" Twinltugowa, a
notoriously ruthless pimp, gangsta, and holy
when he was a child to avoid debtors prison”
reiier. Twinltugewa mal-ces certain there are
plenty ef darlc. cemers fer illicit deals te take
place and his team ef beuncers. pit besses.
and thugs make sure the place deesn’t get tee
rewdy.
% Cine Smart Cuttl-tie: In which Deegus
”Smart Ceelcie" Deegis, a brilliant beclul frem
New Derlquar, is maldng the craps table his
is llllllllllll eel tilts
Geegraphy: Ivleuntains, plains, and
plateaus el fallen meen cheese riddled with
burrews. tunnels, caves, and cascades.
‘East and stinicy, the lvleenuiar Cheese
Fields stretch frem heriaen ie heriaen and
beyend in a massive plateau ef thick. curdled
bitch. When Fat Sushi’s thugs try te threw Pepulace: 2[l,tl'[li] er se {mestly residents ei dairy geedness. Riddled with heies and
him eut. Deegis whips eut a pair ef strange lvlaanlcaas and Curd}. tunnels, the Cheese Fields are a wencierland
weapens and starts sheeting up the place as Reseurces: Cheese, glerieus cheese. ef edible cesmic jey.
he malces his escape. New an entire herde ef Gevernance: Asparagebster Fremage is The lvleenular Cheese Fields are ctf
thugs and Jemima’s Witnesses are en his trail. Lerd ef lviaanlcaas, Lumee the Stench rules supreme interest te eitplerers and geurmands
Can the heap find him first and learn abeut his Curd. everywhere. l'-let eniy is the green cheese. sent
mysterieus weapens. ebvieus relics ef the Cities and Tewns: Cheeseburg; te Clith gaailliens el centuries age when the
i—leennanrace? I hepe se. Curd; lviaanlcaas; Peeem. llvieen cellided with same scrrt el cemet ctr
% ‘Witt: [lit "ft:-L1 Have it} liriht: .~5trnI_Int.l Snerd Fjctrd; small traveling semething, delicieus and wheleseme, it's alse.__
l-lL're?: in which Glereiml:-e Gug. an eefe herdes ef cheese gatherers. rumered te hide within its term the cemplete
representing the Dementienal Discetesticus Relations: The peddle- and intact ruins ei an ancient city ef the
wants te epen a franchise ef the Grey Matter meisters ef lvlaartlcaas and Heemartrace, delicately preserved by the
Beeaateriurn in the city. He is having treuble ether cities will trade with gentle embrace ei the encempassing cheese.
getting the necessary permits and sure ceuld just abeut anyene. Wliether these rumers are true er net, deaens
use seme help. ef ea: plerers ge missing every year in search ef
the fabled city.
The Pet»: Rernanern: Cine ef Teast's mest
elegant [and expensive} inns and extravagant
casines. The Pei»: Remanurn is a wender ef
architecture and ingenuity. Clutside, the
structure is a glerieus edifice ef marble
celumns and reefteps gardens. Inside a
gaaillien sculptures adern a casine fleer
carpeted in plush weven schneeble hair. The
reems are graceful and pricey. with private
baths and lavish bedding.
The Pei»: Remanum is the faverite inn ef
visiting clignittiries and wealthy travelers. It is
said that the walls are riddled with secret
hallways and peepheles threugh which the
ewner, a fermer gladiater named Glut-ineus
ivlaximus. can spy en fereigners.

Berkle Bleelc

Several big yerts eutside ef the city ef

Breken Tee there's a huge field ef bright
yellew flewen: and tumbled beulciers. At the
very center ef this recky meadew is a stene ef
titanic prepertiens. a great hellewed beulder
larger than mest heuses-
Dwelling within this stene, perpetually
sitting cress—1egged and muttering seftly te
himself is tterltle Snecle. a pile ef mysterieus
erigins whe came te The [tingdem te find
enlightenment anieng the flewers. It is said
that he pessesses great wisdem. but the
truth ef it may never be lcnewn, since he
never speaks te anyene er gets up te
stretch his l:raclr.. It is said that every
decade er se rierlde switches his
pesitien. He spent the first ten
years ef his meclitatien sitting
in a cauldren ef sleg drep
seup and the secend
decade suspended upside
dewn frem the ceiling.
whe can fathem the
ways ef these crazy
rnefes?

fileenkaes
Carved of stale cheese, the sculptu1'ed
towers and edifices of lvlaanl«-'.aas are a
true woncle1' to behold. Stretching into
‘thegolden slsy, their carven tips
mingling with wispy clouds of orange
and palest green, the looming pinnacles
are home to all manner of denizens.
Here studious hocus polcers research
astounding marvels. Clver there
wealthy cheese merchants gather
caravans and count their wares. Alive
with activity and noise, l'v'.laari.l-'.aas is the
city that cheese built and the city built of
cheese.
There is great wealth in lvlaanlcaas,
moonular cheese being the precious
and delectable commodity that it is.
Lording over all is ri'i.sparagobster
Fromage, a tizn’t peddlemeister and the
richest guy this side of the
tertneister. He’s big cheese of the
Cheesemongers Guild and consequ-
ently the most powerful fellow in town.
The Cheesemorigers Guild: The real
seat of power in lvlaankaas is a
fraternity of merchants, cheese barons,
and like minded sorts known as the
Cheesemongers Guild. lvlore of an
organized crime syndicate than a social
club, the Guild controls the trade of
moon ula1' cheese throughout the world.
Intrigue and ea:tortion are common-
jalace, as the world of cheese commerce
wears a dirtier diaper than most people
realize. In fact, the Guild operates its
own network of spies and goons lsnown
as the Ill-.'. of the Curdled lvlilk, or simply
The Hllt.
Don't forget to Visit
The Cheesiest Leech: If you only
- gs. one ezsotic beverage in your pitiful
ll-_"_tiII'lE,. make sure it is the delicious
_.:cl-ieese grog brewed a.nd served at this
fascinating tavern. The building itself is
Ltnremarlcably made of cheese, not
unlike just about every other structure
in ll.-flaanlcaas, and the service is terrible.
Still, the grog is among the finest blends
of foulness and mirth to be found
anywhere on Clitli.
The Cheesenasiurn: This strange
tower houses a most bizarre museum.
Displayed and contained beyond these
vaulted doors are all malmer of things
created of cheese, all manner of things.
The upper levels house the offices and
guildhalls of the Cheesemongers Guild,
as well as the penthouse suite of
r-'i.sparagobster Fromage. They plan to
add a new level, but that's another story
.i' {get it?]. The lower floors are inhabited
.-r‘ by
' display cases and exhibits of all
_
types. Huge dioramas depict the
discovery and history of the Cheese
Hg. Fields. r’-‘-i1'tifacts and maps er.-tamine the
various expeditions and quests
i launched in search of the fabled lost
F’
_m.l'
72 E-inky Booboolrljser, rliarrlberlaiii
£'.'
cities of the Hoomanrace. its -a grand place,
well guarded, richly appointed, and employer
of some of the finest tour guides on Clith.
% The Cl1eese ldfizarrl: in which El
mysterious hocus poker, known as the Cheese
Wizard, challenges ilisparagobster Fromage
for the title of big cheese of the Cheese-
mongers Guild. Whose side will the heap
take?
Snord Fjord
Another fabulous wonder of nature (or the
gawds or whatever}, Snord Fjord is an
immense chasm of sundered cheeseflesh_ its
cracked and holey {filled with holes, not
religious} faces are riddled with uncountable
tunnels and cascades of molten cheese that
plummet and tumble hundreds of yorts to a
lake of bubbling curds below. Indeed, it is
truly a majestic site to behold.
Centuries ago, the Fjord was the site of a
monumental battle between the armies of
finord, then King of lvlaanka-as (yep,
i'viaanl:aas used to have a king), and the
minions and charmed cheese leeches of the
contanimator joculus Pinch. The minions of
Pinch were victorious, smiting the armies of
Sriortl wild‘: great alacrity, but they were
themselves destroyed when the charmed
leeches broke free of the spells that controlled
them an-:.l hurled the minions screaming into
the liquid cheese below. Joculus Pinch
escaped with his life and founded the
Cheesemongers Guild in lvlaankaas.
This battle marked the end of the reign of
the kings of lvlaankaas and opened a new era
of commerce and avarice throughout the
Cheese Fields.
‘-3nord’s tomb, supposedly erected by the
few survivors of his devastated army, is
rumored to be hidden among the winding
tunnels and frightening precipices of Snord
Fjord. Further rumors assure us that Snord’s
magic armor and greater secrets still are
entombed with him.
% Yet Another Tomb Raiding Adventure:
In which the heap discover {or fail to
discover} what "greater secrets still" are
entombed with King Snord.
THE INDEPENDENT Bossoorrs or
OI\lD‘UI_l&_Fl
#5:’: looct my Family don't live in o treel
Geography: vast fields of mold; broken
fields of boulders; big ass fields of crumbling
mountains: lovely fields of murky
swampland; expansive forestular fields of
petrified trees; various other fields.
Populace: A gazillion or two {mostly
residents of New Clorlquar}.
Resources: Too many to name.
Governance: E’.-ernizedd the Enplumpin—
ated is Boss of New C‘-lorlqar; lesser lords rule
the other cities.
Cities and Towns: Dregg; {Ciargle Twice;
Ghupe; t-'~'.oozle; New Dorlquar; Did Dorlquar;
to Lord Sir "u'err:ir Lanluge, has a secret diaper
_n
‘rapple; ‘rorf; buttloads of lesser towns.
hold fasts, villages, and baronies.
Relations: The Lords of Clrdure often
squabble amongt themselves and open
warfare is not uncommon.
More a collection of loosely connected
lordships, baronies, and free cities, than a
nation unto itself, Clrdure is the name given to
the vast region of lands that stretch across
most of the continent of l-lorgle holeward of
Ewg and the h-loonular Cheese Fields.
Diverse in geography and denizen, the lands
offlrdure share a commonality in their feudal
culture and relatively cosmopolitan nature.
Political intrigue and open warfare are
commonplace among the courts and castles of
Cirdure. Lords war with one another over
lands and loves, while commoners battle over
market prices and grazing land. alliances
shift quickly, as do lands and holdings. There
is great adventure and great wealth to be
found in Drdure, if one wields El stout enough
heart and a similar enough sword.
Gargnle Twice
Situated atop a ginormous mound of refuse
in the center of a great plain of moss and
rnolcl, the castle holdfast of Gargle Twice is a
bastion of defense and hospitality midway
along the trade route from ‘rapple to ‘forf.
l.ord of the keep is Sir verniz Lanu go, a loyal
retainer of Eiernizedd the Enplumpinated, Sir
'v'erni:-r, a croach, has been cursed to retain a
neotenous larval form even as he approaches
a venerable age. This stops him not from
conirnanding a well organized citadel of inns,
taverns, barracks, and brothels.
The spiked walls, crafted of petrified thorn
trees, of Gargle Twice are said to be
unscalable, and its catapults hurl the
deadliest of flaming stones, yet this
impenetrable fortress illuminated in song and
story still maintains a reputation as a
travelers rest without equal. Cine need only
sample the offerings of its bars and brothels to
know the truth of it.
% l':lr|ueeze This-ii: ln which the ghost of E1
horc haunts an abandoned juice bar and it
kind of sucks.
Don't Forget to Visit
The Spawncleresa: Gargle Twice's largest
and most infamous brothel, The Spawn-
derosa, run by the celebrated lvladam Grizzle
Fluttercooch, is said to churn out more
bastard offspring of lords and barons than the
rest of the world's bordellos combined.
lvladame Fluttercooch makes a business of
hiding the illicit lineages of her fruits, most of
whom end up working for her in one manner
of another.
New Oorlquar
As the largest and most populous city in all
of Clith, New Dorlquar is a veritable buzzing
hive of activity, commerce, and culture.
fetish. |_Ji:n1"‘i tell _l'r'I5
 I.
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n.u.I.:n.'o.‘a'.."|n.'::_'
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lmmigrants and refugees from all corners of
Ctith have been making their homes here for
centuries. The city has a historical reputation
for tolerance and acceptance of all people
from all lands. It's not unusual for a
cremefillian from the ‘Elingdom of the Bong to
run a gambling parlor across the street from
the ha1'ber shop of a horc from Agog next to a
1'eek emporium owned by a smelf hailing
from Floom to the left of a dry goods shop run
by Doopish werms a block away from the
brothel of a croachular pimp from lvlaankaas
who's in business with a couple of thuggish
piles from Yorf who take out his trash, so to
speak, on the third Wensday of every month.
Across the avenue, perhaps, one might likely
find a cartography studio operated by a
married horc and smelf and their adopted refreshments or souvenirs. There's so much to
cremefillian daughter in a building owned by see that an entire tome eighteen times the si -
a tiz.n’t landlord from Curd down the lane a of this one would be needed just to list them
bit from a carven temple of Stan next to an all by name, but l’ll recommend a few of my
armed holdfast of militant E-oorglezarians favorites:
connected by a bridge to the confectionery of
a portly bodul whose immigrant parents came
Dan‘; for e; to Visit
over from Floom on a barge owned by
The Mot er of All Markets: The largest
Bernizedd the Enplurnpinated, Lord of all
open air market in the known world, this
New Dorlquar and many of the surrounding
incredible bazaar is a lab1'ynthine clutter of
principalities. That's just an eitample, not the
vendors, hawkers, stalls, and shops. ]ust _
way it actually is. "
about anything can be found here, yes even
New Dorlquar is big. lt‘s way bigger than
that. Day and night the lvlolher of All Markets
Dlcl Dorlquar and at least thrice the size of
thrives with haggling, bartering. trade, and
Floom, C-+ith’s next biggest city. It would take a
commerce. It's also a great place to find
day and a halfjust to walk from one side to the
pickpockets, gangstas, and other ill sorts.
other, and that's without stopping for ‘I.

pl

Hebudy knlin-is what Elurlquar means: nutlievlen tr: and "55.:-1 E

. 7
E,Ffl_ElEl:ll‘|i:fl_IJ.‘1.lfl-[ftp .--L‘
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'Cl7'5*erseei11g the eperatien, cellecting
fees and enfercing regulatiens, is a
flea— head ed tizn’ t knewn as
Ciriftnieister Slurnrn.
The Museum uf Ant-iquit-ies and
flbscurities: Sa kes alive, this place has
mere relics, artifacts, dead things, and
weirclnesses than my aunt C'likki’s
handbag. Wanna see a mummified
werrn carcass frem Clerb's Wang? This
place has them ceming eut its ears
Hew abeut
[t'netapherical|y]. eld
pettery frem the eriginal inhabitants ef
H Agng? “r’eu can’t swing a mummified
erm in here witheut hitting seme.
Ever seen a stuffed berln? l—lew abeut a
pipe made frem the eyestalks ef an
esephagater? Petrified teenail clippings
frern Ewg? A life—sizecl sculpture ef
Bernizzed the Enpluminated made
entirely ef meiisterwax? Hew abeut
E ef asparagnbster Fremage crafted
ef cheese? a. sacrificial pee—flinger frern
the fungus jungles e-f (Sleep? i didn't
think se.
Elf ceurse the pride ef the museum is
its celleciien ef ancient relics ef the
Heemanrace. Here is assembled, and
clesely guarded, the mest valuable
ensemble ef such artifacts ever
amassed. Cllclsters and wisenheimers
peur ever these dusty things fer years
en end, trying te ascertain their purpese
-'-and te give seme sert ef meaning tn
their efferts. Clefe artifacts abeund as
well, but these are even mere clesely
guarded and even less understeed.
The curatnr ef the place is the eminent
Yimminee the Seuse. Yes, the guy with
the calendar. The Sc-«use has enly
recently been appeinted te his pest,
fellewing the untimely demise ef the
ferner cu rater under suspicieus circum-
"siens. I mean circumstances.
% Tin: i'v‘lysl:t_-riuus Dtirillickey: ln
- '1
' at the shattered edifices and tumbled walls,
1 ‘I,
1'"'.t._
I
1"-ilesular Decadence: This perfumery,
ewned and eperated by a wrinkly smelf
inexplicably named
preduces seme ef the finest scents te be
smelled anywhere. Pick up a bettle ef
Eunge’s tiungjuice, it's just a'beut the
'...sl:rengest aphredisiac knnwn.
% The W1't1ng llnttle: in
Clthetheth Eilech gets pissed eff and
tries te kill Bunge Eunge.
‘ The Sin-e-gegue ef Stan: ‘This herri-
fying building, carved frem a single
huge beulder inte the likeness ef a
herned, scewiing face, is a center ef
wership fer Stanismists and ether
clevetees ef evil and vice. The structure
itself, lecated next te the werkshep ef
centanimater Clevus
merely a facade and entrance chamber.
The real guts ef the place, including the
varieus narfects, recteries, sanctuaries,
altars, and ergy chambers, are iecated
71'
'iI'errr'u-1 Shank‘:
_n_ . a
_F
1-"
#-
,.—l"",..ar, .-_-»
. 5*"
T‘“f**T
beneath the city in a massively winding
systern ef catacembs and tunnels. lt’s
whispered that feul things haunt the lewer
reaches and feuler things dug the varieus
drains and sacrificial cisterns. ctr £1
A werm named Clthetheth lilech is high
priest. He’s a nice eneugh fellew nnce yeu get
Geegraphy: A shlead ef sand, sand, and
te knew him, but his evil ways and
mere sand. Sandy hills; sandy plains; sandy
prepensity fer cannibalistic bleed ergies are
meuntains; sandy jungles...
effputting te seme.
There are sin—e—gegt1es in mest majer cities,
Pepnlace: 2ll[l,ll[l[l er se {Abeut half
residents ef Babajuana and half nemadic
and in secret wilderness lairs acress the Clith,
trib-espeeple}.
but the ene in New Derlquar is the largest and
Reseurces: Sand; tequila; gemstenes.
mest prespereus.
Gevernance: Dezens ef cheeks gevern
% I Hli l'~l[".l: In which the heap are asked te
under the banner ef Sultan Pepper.
settle a dispute between the sin-e—gegue and a
Cities and Tewns: Eabajuana; hundreds ef
neighb-er.
nernadic villages.
Iielatiens: As leng as lecal custems and
Under the Sink: in all my travels ne tavern
tab-ees are respected, the cheeks will deal
has dune mere te make me feel at heme than
with just abeut anyene.
Under the Sink. This ader-able little
eat—and—drinlr.ery caters te the creach in all ef
Try te imagine the werld’s biggest litter
us. hlen—crear.h guests are welceme, but
lJ-Ct}-i. That Cine Place Willi All the Sand is
creach hats and bibs are previcled te help
essentially an incredibly vast expanse ef ash
them fit in. The head chef, whese name l can’t
and winclblewn sand interspersed with the
remember, makes the must delicieus pee
eccasienal cactus, stagnant easis, er
flamfi, and the Reese's Feces is the finest in
the whale city. venemeus biting thing. The peeple, fe1' the
must part, live in traveling tertt cities and
% Tl1at’s just Grass: in which terrible
travel censtantly en the backs ef menepedal
secrets lurk in the kitchen ef Under the Sink.
beasts called stemps. All denizens pay
hemage te Sultan Pepper, an elegant creach
with a hundred wives and a theusand
effspring. The Sultan dwells in an epulent
palace at the heart ef Eabajuana, an edifice
that rivals the palace ef the Ding ef the Deng
in size and magnificence.
That Dne Place With All the Sand is a realm
steeped in traditien and hener. Very strict
cedes ef hespitality and tabee are widely
enferced. It is a land where heresy and
Old Oerlquar, The Ruins ef apestasy [the state religien is E'-eerglezar-
ianisrn} are capital crimes, a land where a
lt’s teugh te believe that this gigantic pile ef rude werd er a failure te held a deer fer a
refuse and blight was ence the must vibrant lady, can earn a fellew a spear threugh the
city en Ctith. It's net teugh te believe, leeking heart er werse. ln mest places visite1's are
eitempt frern such laws, being censidered
that it was alse the site ef ene ef die mest ignerant savages by the inhabitants ef the
Place.
cataclysmic battles ef the medern age. ‘fes
indeed, friends and neighbers, Did Clerlquar
Bunge Eunge, was the New Derlquar ef its day. it was the
shining center ef cemmerce and culture en
Bab ajuana
this centinent, ruled wisely and justly by the
Ptlthetigli That Cine Place With All the
benevelent cremefillian Lerd ‘v'ermun Skank.
Band has enly ene city, it's a deezy. Innnense
all th-at changed a few centuries age when
and epulent by any standard, Eiabajuana is a
which 1'-.il~:anlt’s archrival, his demented brether
thriving center ef culture and trade. lts
Felenieus Skunk, cc-ntested his claim tn the
threne. What fellewed was a twe year turreted tewers and demed temples cast their
shadews en bustling markets, glerieus
bleed fest in which the entire city was pretty
statues, shimmering eases, and fabuleusly
much destreyed and bath brelhers lest their
lives. What remain teday are the breken shells beclethed denizens. Even the peer ef the city
beg with iewel encrusted bewls and finely
ef ence glerieus buildings scattered ameng
the decayed benes and carapaces ef fallen pelished weeden legs.
The laws ef hespitality and tabee are
seldiers.
sternly enferced here, altheugh net quite se
Elf ceurse ne ruin is cemplete witheut
sternly as they are ameng the nemadic tribes.
asseciated legends ef hidden treasures and
Public eitecutiens are cemmen, as are
Redspleen, is ancient dangers- Cilcl Cterlquar has its share.
genereus displays ef wealth and charity by
Net the least ef which is the rurner that
the Sultan and his geverning cheeks; the
verntun Eikank’s unclaimed cerpse new rules
aferementiened bewls and prestheses being
an army ef the danged in the catacembs
gifts ef the Sultan.
beneath the city.
uhtlzilnecl -rerpse new rules an army of the danged In ‘the tatacembs beneath llllcl Elerluuar.

Don't, For et_ to Visit
Achoo oonaalefs Funtime Grooming
Emporium and Eirecutionarium: Achoo
Goonaalez is Eabajuana's premier barber and
holy executioner. Customers can stop by his
pavilion for a cjuick shave, a perm or dye job,
or to have the heads chopped off of a few
heretics. rltchoo is the man to beat with a razor
or headsman’s sword, an-d his rnustache
wakings are the silkiest around.
Foopoos and Beer: This restaurant, a
branch of which is on just about every street
corner in town, sells delicious tacos and salty
beer. I hear the super—siae stomp burrito is
delicious.
The Spoon That Stirs: A tiny little teahouse
in the shadow of the SuItan’s palace, The
Spoon That Stirs would be a relatively
mecliocre establishment if it weren‘t for two
factors: the circu spi nut tarts are almost edible
and the purveyor, a gal by the name of
Spinster Elollup, is an actual living spoon, a
Six foot metal ladle given life by the magic of a
traveling hocus poker who fell in love with
her delicate filigree and just had to have her as
his wife. Dollup's weird husband has long
since passed on, but she remains and is
currently running the teahouse for the sixth
decade running. There are a lot of strange
dudes on Clith, but a giant talking spoon that
serves clung tea and circuspi nut tarts is
someone to meet.
‘hi. .__.
hi P,‘
ll-ll-In
The Sultan's Menagerie: This private zoo,
owned by Sultan Pepper but open to the
public, houses animals and monsters from all
corners of the world. It also doubles as a
gladiatorial arena. When gate sales are low
they sometimes take the two most ferocious
beasts in the men-agerie and put fliem in a big
cage together to see what will happen. The
keepers are always looking for new exotic
beasts and will pay handsomely for them.
We Be Sand: This ramshackle hut sells
nothing but sand. lt does very little business,
since sand is the most plentiful substance
around and is free for the taking just about
anywhere. lt’s said that the place is some sort
of front run by gangstas from The Dingdom of
the Dong. but I wouldn't know anything
about that. The cremefillian who runs the
place wears an eye patch and has a lovely
cloud and rainbow tattooed on his belly.
Unfortunately, he never talks and only
communicates in pantomime. lt’s dreadfully
annoying.
% Enemy’ Mime: In
which puzzling events
and obscure clues lead
the heap into trouble.
 Elowhio The Follicular It-laae
1:L"-ll} Encounter 1:121] Encounter
I-3 211.1 12 Mutant Land Fish 1-5 21.112 predacious Hair Bares
t'1~'l1.l l"-lining party and Slaves 11-11] 31.1-1 villainous 'D1:|.res
11-‘IE1 1d-I ra rn paging Contanima nts 11 -15 1111.111! feral and angry Clily Boids
1t'1~ltl- Dne l'1orrit'ying Squiggly Mass llir- 1 ti E1-d-1 Hair l-larvesters from Doop
lit 1114 Scary Ass lvluthas 1'11 ld-1 Milfs w ho dwell in a giant hollow all
21} 111-l esca]:I~e1.1 Slaves 31 A Giant Slog loolting for prey
Here are those Random Encounter Tables
you were premised earlier. All you have to do The fhesteranee Tail
is roll a d2ll and compare the 1'esults to the d2l] Encounter d2tl Encounter
chart for the location the heap is in to see what 1-5 fl-1.112 Kan]-ters lo1.1l-ting for trou ble 21.112 Groothoo Eoids
they run into. If you don't like the result, roll ti--1l'l An Esophagator lool-ting Eor lood llliilti Dily Boids
ll-15 11.12 disgusting Contanirnants 2dti Groothoo Eoicls {one is a hocus polter}
again or make something up yourself. le-ill Cine horrifying Squiggly Mass ld-1 Itianlters
Remember, not every encounter calls for 11:" Some ltin 1.1 of poisonous Fungus I"-Ii 1d-1 G-iggities
fighting. Use the brain Eoorglesar gave you 21] Gorminee the Goosed 21.1 2d-1 Scary Ass Muthas
__'
-rd find creative ways to make random
encounters fun and e:1:citing! T11 Tests of Boorglezar Torsovahia
1121} Encounter d2lJ Encounter
A303 1-3
431-111
'.‘n.i12 cannibalistic Werm savages
?1dl2lriendly Werm savages
"I -S 21.112 Scab Harvesters
dill Encounter lit-ill 2d-'1 Kankers out for blood
1-5 21.1ti rampaging Horc hanilits 1I-I5 -lid-I it'enr.ied Cute Little Duckies I1 -I5 1d-'1 evil Contanirnarits
ti--ill 2dt:1 hungry Borlos 1E1-ltl Dne oogly Squiggly Mass lfi-1l'l 2d-1 I-loly Rollers from the Bowls of the Ctith
l I-15 1d2 pla ylul yet ravenous Schnoobles IE1‘ Force of l"~lalure (avalanche, etI:-..]- 1'-.1 A Squiggly Mass with. a bad attitude
"" lfi-lli Ellie Llisgusting Squiggly lvlass 21] -ld-I Eloorgle.-:ar'ian monks 2ti 2d-1 Scary Ass Muthas
_
‘!-«".“L.;1s The Thing T1111 Might M111 s-.=
211 2dt"1 suspicious Smelt insurgents Yewnorlc Quarry of the flanged
1.1.211 El'||Ifl|.l'I'tll1I' 1121] Encounter
E1orh's ‘Wang 1-5 2:1-E! Spirits of the Dangecl 1-5 2-.112 Epirita of the flanged
dill Encounter F1-lll 2:1-I r1:a|ly ineali Ctdres 111-111 31.14 2'1.-lucosii.-e mi:nei-sol the lI|Iange1,l
1-5 21.14 Ferocious Scary Ass 1'1-futhas 11-15 41.11’: 1-icary Ass tvluthas ll—I5 11,1-J. Holy ltolli;-rsol' the I".'rang1:~1.i
tir-111 21.1'l2 head-huntir1' Werm savages lfi—lH 1'1 1:ler.:1uge1.l Cents nimat-ronic Minion lh-lli .'i1.1-1 Iivil Cullists of the lI?|.:1ng1.-.1i
11-15 2d'l2 evil Horc savages 19 1'1 horrid fit.-iiggly Mass 'I":l The Thing That Might Not Be
1E1-1l'l 21.1-1 assorted lost esplorers 21'! 4114 hungry Bracorlilea 211 .r"-. vicimis Squiggly Mass
1'9 Dne wandering Be-orgle:r.a rian missions r_v
211 21.112 cautiously optiinistic Werm savages
fiiurieular Wax ltnlines Keister Island
1:121] Encounter 151211 Encounter
I-5 av. moreite rwas miners 1-5 2d-'-1 Smellcasters gathering reel-:.s
1li~1ll- 21.1-1 villainous 'lJdres Ii»-'1'll 3-.1-1 Series with hentorrhoiils
ll-13 21.1-1 Spirits of the Danged 1 1-15 21.1-1 Mean old Clclres
lo-13 211.1-1 maniacal l-lair Bares lfivlli Id-1 Headstones
ldcl yuclty lslanl-zers 11:1 Pi Squiggly Mass with a l.1a1.1 attitude
A Primordial Goon and 211-1 Giggities searching 21.1 The Thing That Might Not Be
for the oracle for some reason

The Dingdom of the Dong

1:121] Encounter
l—.'.I 21.1-1 Cremefillian sa1n1.:rico1:'alt1:s
.'i1.1-1 Goozeeras loolc'.i1'1' for boo-.r.1:
ll-15 31:1-1 vill.=iin1'1us fldres
11.14 Triena pa rapantses
11-3 .1". Squiggly Mass in 1:1 haul Inn-n1.1
211 21.1-1 Spirits oi’ the Danged

The Moonular Cheese fields

cl2|ll Encounter
'l -5 -ld-1 Cheese Harvesters
111-111 lid-1 Uochachos
11-15 11.1-1 Primordial Goons
"If!-1l'l -ld-1 Doto ol1.1sters on an e.'~:].1e~1.1ition
W 21.1-1 Spirits of the Dangecl
H] A Cheese Leech

Elrdure
l:l2ll Encounter
15 -ldo Horc bandits
111-111 '.i1.1t"- "v'assals of some lor1.1
ll-l:_.'r 1d2 hungry Schnoobles
113-13 -11.1-1 Cute Little Duel-ties
11:" 2dl'l Dweebs
211 -11.1-1 Mutant Land Fish on the hunt

That flue Plaee With All the Sand

d2Ill Encounter
"I -S 21.1'l2 Wandering Iioorgleaarian l-ioly Rollers
tin-'11] -id-1 wild Stomps
ll-15 21.112 Cldre raiders
1'-"I. ginonnous Sand Slog
I111 A Puddle of ‘fuck
31 fl1.1l'l Stom p-herding nomads

Thalia a Berle
fin Abridged Compendium Describing Various Wriuen and Compiled by

Denizens of Oith. Beastl_y 8-3* Otherwise. Gorsilon Leechrider, Naturalist 85 Explorer

IEnrsHarr Leecltrlder -i-idss 3-—r|i-ease hurl:

BIEASTS
Greetings fellow C‘-‘ithling. I, in your face, Attributes: Agility dB. Smarts d4. Spirit dI':':-,
am explorer of renown Gorsilon Leechrider, Strength dB, Vigor dltl
naturalist and adventu1'er. I have compiled, Skills: Fighting dB, Notice dB, Intimidation dB_
for your edification, a compendium of various -_,_,_a_a__u_ Pace: Er; I’a.rry: Er; Toughness: 8
Gear: Shiny objects
beasts of Ditli so that you may know them and
their ways without suffering the hardships lTT—i_ Borlo I
and adversities that plagued me as I collected
'.____d_______ ______,______ __,______,___ _ ______ , Special fihflifies
Borlos are bizarre [even by Dith standards} -fit Bouncy Behind: Borlos have the Bouncy
this information for your ungrateful asses. I
creatures with massive blue rumps, drooping Behind Edge.
hope you find it as useful in your travels as I
noses, and immense, toothed suckers instead -fit Claws: Borlos can attack with both claws
have in mine. If so, why not send a clam or
of hands. They roam the various frontiers of each round with no penalty. Str +1.
two my way...
the world, bouncing about on their bubbly -fit Horns: Instead of making two claw
This dissertation introduces only a tiny
asses and collecting shiny things to store in attacks, a bo1'lo may make one attack with its
number of Ditl1's crazy monsters. Ditli is so
their hollow forearms. horns. Str +2.
infested with things that want to eat you that
Altltougli they do not have a spoken -fit Suckers: If a borlo hits the same target
to even begin to try to describe the merest
language, they seem able to understand what with both sucker claws it has pinned the
inkling of a complete collection is to invite
others say. Borlos communicate among target. The opponent may do no other action "
madness. Nevertheless, I suggest you try to
themselves with grunts, squeaks, and flashes other than try to escape, which requires a
memorize it in its entirety, since you never
of their luminescent noses. raise on an opposed Strength roll. :5: borio will
know when a hungry schnooble might
These dim-wit'ted creatures are quick to attempt to gore a pinned opponent with its
wander by and devour it. For the sake of your
anger and take offense at the merest slight. horns.
sanity I will attempt to be brief.

7.’!-:.——--
vliggimnasa Bur-la. far -at-hnrr th¢_"I"l1‘or|n is narr-ed was raarnn-ates1F"iu-iih the at
. L‘ n
gre%:.‘_:grgj-ldltialfllire-r l.I1l||.ll-I:I|_tI.i.,_[t'__:|_‘.I|.JlI!I5..
_-1',
.-‘Ii’-..
__ ,';~':’.
-
--u #:- I I
' If‘
“L
r----_,__
H-
.,l
These aggressive predators are voracious
and unpredictable. They wander the swamps
‘;'-and forests of Ditli preying on anything they
can catch.
A brocod ile is a long, slender carnivore with
blue scaly skin, two paddled tails, a long
toothy snout, and a bright green afro that
resembles a bush or large fungus.
Attributes: Agility db, Smarts as {A},
Spirit as, Strength dill, ‘v'igor dill
Skills: Fighting d8, Guts db, Notice d3
ace:3, Parry: E; Toughness: Fl
. Special Abflitiea
-ill: Aquatic: Brocodiles are strong swim-
mers. Face Er.
-fit Site: A brocodile's toothy maw is a
weapon. Str +3.
‘Ia-ahniarvelous
Cheese Leech
_—.|r_.—
incredibly big, ahnost unimaginably
gargantuaii, these humongous worm-like
creatures burrow their way through the
Moonular Cheese Fields. They are responsible
for the gazillions of holes that riddle the
cheese.
The most skilled of riders can actually use
these enormous beasts as mounts.
".Atl:'ibutes: Agility dffr, Smarts as {A},
Spirit db, Strength di2+12, Vigor dill
Skills: Fighting as, I'-lotice dB, Stealth dlfl
Pace: 4; Parry: ti; Toughness: Ell
3-‘-
-.
-' Special Abi1i|,ies
If-\.
-fl Huge: At'tackers add +4 to their Fighting
or Shooting rolls when fighting a cheese leech
clue to its huge size {size +ltl}.
-ilk Bite: Cheese leeches have incredibly
' ge mouths. Str +3. if the leech hits a target‘
with a raise, the opponent is swallowed whole
and takes Ed-El damage each round until he
escapes {inflicts a wound on the leech with an
'
edged weapon} or dies.
Eflfir. Little Du: I-ty
is?‘
15*: Burrow I[2EI”]: Cheese leeches can
burrow through cheese and reappear
anywhere within EU" on the following action.
15: Low Light Vision: Although they have
very good eyesight, cheese leeches are
perfectly capable of making their way around
in total darkness.
1’-in Regeneration (slow): Cheese leeches roll
for natural healing once per day.
t"""'
"‘ "“'""""’"—‘“"‘
L Contentment J igor as
Contanirnants are elemental spirits of
filth, disease, and corruption. They exist, in a
dormant state, all around us but are invisible
and intangible unless summoned by a
contanimator or otherwise coalesced {it can
happen naturally, I am told}. tviultiple
varieties exist, although five main types are
most co mrnon. each representing a primordial
condition of smut or blight.
All contanimatants are vile and pestilent
beings. They care for nothing more than
spreading their influence and causing ruckus.
iL WEI! i
The least of all contanimants, wusses are
spirits of stink and flatulence. They as
little whisps of gelatinous vapor witappear
1 pudgy
arms and eyeless faces.
Attributes: A ility dd, Smarts cld, Spirit dill.
Strength d4, igor d4
Skills: Fightin tzlsl.-+.'1, Guts cl'lfl, Notice as
Pace: 4; Parry: ; Toughness: Ll
Abilities
Spggoial
Fly: Wusses can fly at their normal Face.
-33: Small: Wusses are tiny little fellows.
Attackers have a -2 penalty to Fighting and
Shooting rolls against them.
-33: Smell Mani ulation: Wusses can alter
the scent of anyt ing within their range of
vision. They can't create overpowerin
stenches, but they can make one thing smefi
like something else.
He-1 sd:
4: Stink Blobs: wusses are able to
manifest odors into focused blobs of
concentrated stench. With a touch attack a
wuss can cause actual physical damage. SI: +1.
._...‘.'.L.__'““‘°"
I
"I—-I—I-Ii-I-—'J
wankers are spirits of rubbish and grime.
They appear as squat spherical blobs covered
in refuse and dripping with filthy muck.
Attributes: db, Smarts as, Spirit dill,
Strength as.Axgility
Skills: Fightin as, Guts clll], Throwing d8
Pace: 6; I’an'y: _: Toughness: 5
oial ,Abilit;iea
SI; Muck Hurling: When fightin wankers
hurl chunks of refuse from ll‘tEt.l‘ bor. ies. its age
5'’. Str +2.
-all Regeneration {fast}: Walikers 1'oll for
natural healing every round.
l Mensch
These bli hted spirits are purveyors of rust
and decay. heir bodies are gigantic pickles
of crud, yuck, and long gray hairs. Two
arms sprout from the tops of their
gnarled
reads.
Attributes: A ility as, Smarts as. Spirit dill,
Strength db, igor dB
Skills: Fightin dfl, Guts dill, hlotice as
Pace: 6; Parry: ; Toughness: 6
Special Abilities
-all Aging: Anyone Shaken or Wounded by
a mensch rapidly ages. A bit and each raise
forces the target to make a ‘vigor roll or age
five years in addition to causing the normal
wounds.
Bad Ass
 ‘fit ltust: An metal object touched b a
mensch, or use to directly attack a inensc is
immediately dest1'oyed. Enchanted metals are
immune.
Bruiser 5
t
'_j—-i-..---.—.—.—_-j-.—-.—.-....-—..—l
Sruisers, spirits of rot and putrefaction, are
large gelatinous hunks of put1'id meat and
squirming maggots. Their long spindly arms
constantly drip with filthy ichor and their
squat toes are crawling with fungus and
mold. A b1'uiser’s enormous maw is filled
with rotting teeth and gingivitis. These hulks
love nothing 1no1'e than reducing living flesh
to pulverized gobs of rot.
Attributes: Agility db, Smarts dtir, Spirit dlfl,
Strength d'llJ, Vigor dll]
Skills: Fighting dltl, Guts dlll, Notice dS
Pace: Er; Parry: ?,' Toughness: ?
Special Abilities
-At Fear: Anyone who looks upon a bruiser’s
hideous countenance must make a Guts check
or run fleeing and pissing for id-’l rounds.
Cliice a pe1'son succeeds the Guts check he
need not roll again.
‘At Rotting Touch: Wounds caused by a
Sruiser can not be fixed by natural healing.
Dilly magic or a specially prepared antidote
can spur the healing process.
cm‘ -:-- r--I—|.-- --j-1- -.r--—--.n 2
Dripping boils, pustular sits, and oozing
blisters are the hallmarks of these horrid
spirits of disease and infection. They delighl'
in causing suffering and spreading plague.
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts db, Spirit dill,
Strength dl2, Vigor dl2+2
Skills: Fighting dl2, Guts dl2, Notice dS
Pace: ti; Parry: S; Toughness: 12
Special Abilities
it Big: Bad asses a1'e pretty large spirits
[size +2}. Attackers gain a +2 bonus to
Fighting and Shooting 1'olls against them.
-tit Clubber: Bad asses fight by smashing
opponents with their single mighty fist. Str +2.
{it Infection: Anyone Shaken or Wounded
by a bad ass’s clobber attack must make a
Vigor roll at -2 or contract a horrid disease.
The disease causes blisters and headache in
those that make their Vigor roll {-1 to all die
1'olls for ldtl days] and a horrible festering in
those that fail. Such a victim is Exhausted for
ldé hours, after which time he becomes
lncapacitated for ldtl days. He must then
Inake another Vigor roll with a -1 penalty for
each day he was lncapacitated or die.
tit Regeneration {fast}: Sad asses roll for
___....._...___
natural healing every other round.
I Cute Little Ducky
_——u.p._.a—_ ___..____n___..._ ..__ -i.1._
These tiny beasts are among the most
bloodthirsty of all Dith's creatures. Small
yellow boids with big, dewy eyes and wicked
teeth, these voracious monsters hunt in packs
'l:F3:_l'l'|'ll'El trearnpulf. a trerrlellllian tt_:rntanin~ata_rL_=l:ihl;l naturalist. has
and rend the flesh from anything they dweeb wins it is considered to have somehow
encounter. tricked its adversary and has “the drop” on
his opponent. The dweeb gains a +4 bonus to
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts dti [A]. its attack rolls [usually using a weapon of
Spirit cl '1 2, Strength dd, 'v'igor as some kind].
Skills: Fighting db, Guts cl'l 2, Notice ClS A dweeb can do this during every round at
Pace: 4; Party: 5; Toughness: 5 combat if it wants.
I ,
Eaophagatur
-_i—u_..-_-——--—-u.n.n_ J---u. —u.—u.n—i_a- a.
i
Special Abilities l_ --..... _ _--_.»_..-.-. ..j-i.—._ ._..u__..n_i— an-—
-fl: Bite: These monstrous fiends rend large Lurking in the lakes, rivers. and oceans of
gobs of flesh with every bite. Str +6. Ctith are horrors best left undescribed. The
15:: Flock: For every three cute little duckies esophagator is one such beast. Not because it
in a flock, each one in the group gains a +1 is particularly horrific [it is!}, but because it is
bonus to its Fighting rolls. hard to describe. l’ll try anyway...
155: Fly: Cute little duckies can fly with a its mostly mouth, really, a toothy set of
Face of S. jaws connected to a plump and pickle
[_.__.....-...-_..._.___.__.. .___._-._.._ body with a long, flat tail and a couple til?“
‘L I) w e e b j flippers. [ts eyes are on movable stalks and it
swims along eating just about anything it can
Plump and nerdy, these dorky little guys
catch, which includes creatures bigger than
love proving how smart they are. Life, to
itself thanks to its expanding stomach. That-
them, is a constant game of practical jokes and
wasn't so difficult after all {plus there's a
witticisms. Weak fighters, dweebs will
picture right over there in case you are still
usually attempt to gain egress from an ~
confused}.
unpleasant situation with words or trickery.
Attributes: Agility dttl, Smarts dti {A}.
Attributes: Agility db, Smarts d'l2, Spirit dlll,
Spirit dll], Strength dl2+2, ‘vigor d'l2
Strength dd, vigor d4
Skills: Fighting dill. Notice d ‘I2. Swim d12
Skills: Fighting ddl, Gambling d'|2,
Pace: — ; Parry: F; Toughness: 12
Investigation d'l2, Knowledge [any three] dt 2,
Notice dlfl, Persuasion dlfl, Taunt dl."-1.
Pace: 6; Parry: S; Toughness: 3 Special Abilities
Special Abilities
ill: Aquatic: its swimming pace is E.
-A: Big: An esophagator is pretty big {Sizes
..I
+4}. Dpponents gain a +2 bonus to Fighting
.1_.j-_'_-_
-A: Trickery: Dweebs are masters of and Shooting rolls against such a beast.
practical jokes and misdirection. A dweeb
1%: Elite: Esophagators bite with their mas-
may make an opposed Smarts roll against
sive teeth. Str +3.
anyone in combat with it as a tree action. if the
Identified _ant:l"»:atalogued ‘I: ":S'F"'Eflfil§‘:-Iiilflftferent":typ'e's: a_l -:iInfaniI'r'ant
{H
.b ' '
_| __ _ a
'-. . -" Hu-
- I

I G i 3 3 :1 U
-.a.________.__._._____ ,____,., __l
Giggities are miniens ef the Primerdial
~ "Seep Kitchen, but den’t tell yeur players that,
'_'l:lecause it's a secret. They are little guys,
vaguely cenical in shape with extremely
expressive faces and ears that deuble as wings.
Every ene leeks different, depending en what
~_ - traits it has abserbed aleng the way.
Giggities are able te abserb traits and
characteristics frem ether erganisms, which
they then bring te the Primerdial Seup
Kitchen fer distillatien and study. ]ust abeut
in . any aspect ef a being can be abserbed {the
:irig dees net lese the trait, the giggity just
srepies it}, frem a persen's giant afre er his taste
fer taces, te his ltnewledge ef herbal ism.
These little fellews are net malicieus, unless
they’ye abserbed that trait frem semeene, just
curieus. They wander abeut cepying things
and learning abeut the werld. hlebedy has
<€':‘-r_~fl.1ccessfully fellewed ene ef these guys back
te the Seup l=~'Citchen, but plenty have tried. It
seems whenever semeene gets clese,
giggity just disappears.
Attributes: Agility dlfl, Smarts db, Spirit d12,
Strength d-fl, Viger db
Skills: Fighting db, Guts dli, l"~.letice d12
Pace: 3; Party: 5: Teughness: S
Giggities are flan ‘in: drama
.-ll pepular drinking game in the
+ .
-FT
Eaezera plus baeze equals eaclness
l
Special ,.ll.bilit,ies
15: Aquire Traits: Whenever a giggity
teuches anether creature it may abserb a trait
frem that creature. The giggity maltes a
Smarts rell. Fer -a success and each raise it
cepies ene trait inte itself. The eriginal
creature is net harmed. Just abeut any
physical, mental. er spiritual trait can be
captured in this manner, frem a being’s teethy
rnaw er its leve ef music theater, te its Arcane
the
liackgreunti [the giggity weuld have te
abserb Pewers and Fewer Feints separately in
this case}. The attributes and skills listed
abeve are typical fer a giggity. These will
change depending en the traits it has
abserbed.
-fl: Fly: at giggity flies with a Face ef ii.
15: Extended Warranty: A giggity that is
killed will be rebern in Edit} heurs. its eriginal
cerpse stays intact as it magically grews a new
hedy a few yarts frem where it died.
I... _ ..
1 -fl-it Fly: Greethee lieids fly with a Face ef S.
l
l
L...
G e e 2 e r a.
-...._......_.._......_._.
.-n.-—-j-—
These tiny little saurian things are cemmen
threugheut The Elingdem ef the Deng. They
are mestl y harmless, with meuths tee small te
bite anything bigger than a circuspi nut. and
generally playful and funsleving. lZlen’t get
them drunk. hewever, er ill tidings may befall
yea.
See. when a geesera tastes even the tiniest
drep ef beeee it gets a really big head.
Literally. its head expands te enermeus
prepertiens, inflated by whatever gasses ef
fermentatien brew in its gullet, and it becemes
escepiienally vielent and raveneus, att:-tclcing
anything in sight.
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts d-'-l, Spirit t.l'lfl.
Strength dsl, '1.-tiger db
Sltills: Fighting db. Guts db, hletice d3
Pace: 4; Parry: 5; Teughness: 5
Special Abilities
-53-‘: Bad Drunk: When drunk a gee::era’s
head inflates te huge prepertiens. grewing
frem the state ef a small nut te the size ef a
large melen in mere secends. The creature
becemes very aggressive. Its Strength, "v'iger,
and Fighting increase te dill and itbites fer Sir
+2. The effect wears eff in a few heurs.
s‘-‘t Fly: is drunk geeaera flies {staggeringly}
with a Face ef S.
-is Wilclcardelarness: is drunk. geesera is
censidered a Wild Card, but a seber ene isn't.
Dingdem involves '_l‘_l'1_e__swal|ain-iiig :If_ a litre geerera
_ F.
Gjbothee Bflbidflj
Greethee fieids. the primary denizens ef
the realm ef Tail, are tall, elegant creatures
with brilliant feathers and leng. curving
bealts. They are quite intelligent, but tend te
be territerial and i-renephebic. Clccasienally
greethee beids beceme pewerful hecus
pelters er hely reliers.
itttribetes: Agility dill, Smarts dS, Spirit d] CI,
Strength dfi, ‘v"iger db
Skills: Fighting dti, hletice dfl. Sheeting dti,
Threwing dS, Tracking d3
Pace: 6; Parry: 5; Teughness: 5
Special Abilities
15: Beak: Cireethee beids can fight with a
weapen and stab with their beaks at the same
time with ne penalty. Str +2.
.._.__.
J
j_ Hair Baire l
"j.§€-j%.g_u4 ..jH.j.q ...._-.-j -I,I.I.. -
Reaming the Menstreus Headlands in
large packs. these strange predaters are a
bane te hair harvesters and wanderers.
Essentially nething mere than a pair ef squat
legs. a shaggy rump, and a chemping maw,
they attach en masse. kicking, biting, and
farting their eppenents inte submissien.
Attributes: Agility d3, Smarts dS [J1],
Spirit dtl, Strength db, ‘iliger d3
Skills: Fighting as, Guts dfi, Netice dfl
Pace: ft; Party: 5; Teughness: E-
Special Abilities
-ll-it Bite: Hair Bares can bite fer Str +2.
-13: Flatulence: Dnce every three reunds a
hair here may pass a nesieus gas. All these
within the area ef effect {medium burst
template) must l'T'l-il ili.-E? a ‘viger rell er suffer a
-33 penalty te all traits fer ’ld4 reunds.
155: Immunity: Hair bares are immune te all
peisens, including their ewn flatulence.
Hair ll-ares are
surre weird males
followed by several
 '*-.~ .“ _.-'- --
r

I. I ?I‘-

i -ii:mt27Z%:]
their true form is. since they always look like
someone else.

These huge living statues wander the Ptttributeflt Ftgility d3. Smarts d8, Spirit cllil,
wildernesses of Keister lsland looking for Strength dill, ‘vigor dill‘
living things to squash. hlobody knows where Skills: Fighting cllil, Guts L18, Notice dlil,
they came from or why they exist. Persuasion dlfl
Pace: Er; Parry: ‘E’; Toughness: E’
Attributes: Agility dti, Smarts d-1, Spirit dS.
Strength d'l2, Vigor d12
Skills: Fighting dlfl, Cuts dl2, hlot'ice dS
Special 1'l.bi]i[ies
Pace: 5; Parry: .7’; Toughness: '12
-1'5-‘I Choke: fit milf will attempt to lure a
victim into a romantic situation and
then choke him with her incretflihle
Special [Abilities tongue {Fighting roll at +4}. fl choking
it Construct: Headstones are immune to victim will die in a number of
darrtage from piercing weapons, they add +2 rounds equal to half his ‘vigor fl. rnrll
disgutseo as a
when attempting to 1'ecover from being unless he can escape with really sexy hart
Shaken, are immune to disease and poison, an opposed Strength roll at -2.
and do not suffer additional damage from 3-": milf usually carries a
called shots. weapon of some sort in case
{I Smash: Headstones attack by falling her choke doesn't work.
over onto their opponents. After it falls, a -15: Seductive: Wlten in a
headstone must spend a round getting up shape changed form, a milf is
before it can attack again. Str +2. very attractive. giving her +4
St Stone: Because they are made of stone, Charisma.
headstones have +4 armor. 15: Shape Change: A milf can
'
-4-.
change her shape at will, usually
_:.n.,_,.—_u.na.n__ _a.::1.
1' I

Tflanker '
I

i adopting the form of an

l_._ —'-n_-u_-n-u- .__.-__a.....__ .._ _...- _ _.l attractive member of her
Ka nkers a1'e spirits of disease and mutation, potential victims species.
closely related to contanimants. They look like Changing shape is immediate
giant tumors with arms and legs, dripping and does not count as an
with pus and stinking of rot. Their ichorous action. The disguise is almost perfect
d1'ippings are faintly luminescent, which {Notice at -6 to detect}.
makes them valuable to miners and others 1?: Prehensile Tongue: lvlilfs
who venture into the unlit realms of lvlutha have the Tongue Fu Edge and do
Clith. not suffer penalties for using their
tongue as a limb.

d
Fish
Attributes: Agility dlil, Smarts dti, Spirit rill,
Strength dlll. Vigor d12
Skills: Fighting clS, Guts cl12, Notice clifl,
Shooting dlil lnha biting the swa mps and
Pace: Er; Parry: ti; Toughness: E badlands of Ewg and other
desolate places, these strange
Special fihfliijes creatures can be dangerous if
1.5! Disease: ritnyone touched by a kanker approached carelessly. Basically a
immediately breaks out in boils and gooey big fish with sharp teeth and long legs, mutant
scabs. This causes no actual damage, but land fish are a danger to travelers because of Clclres are big, savage, stinky brutes
lowers the victim's Charisma by 1 for Ecltr days. their park hunting mentality and voracious distantly related to cremefillians They to '"= '-"r -.
tilt Immunities: lsfankers are immune to appetite for flesh. roving hordes of bandits itnti go raiding in
poison, acid, and disease. their spare time. A typical odre is about twice
1.5! Low Light Vision: it-'Cankers a1'e not Attril:-utes: agility dS. Smarts d4 {is}. the height of an average horc and three times
penalized for poor lighting. Spirit d'1 ll. Strength as, Vigor dill SS ['1"'t-E£'l1‘1-

15!: Smash: I‘-tankers attack by ramming with Skills: Fighting d3, Guts d3. hlotice d8
their crusty bodies or punching with their Pace: S; Perry: 5; Toughness: '5’ rlttributes: Agility as. Smarts d4, Spirit dS,
stubby arms. Str +l. Strength dlI1+3, Vigor dl 2 -
-SI Squirt: A kanker is able to squirt Skills: Fighting rllil, Guts dlfl, intimidation -r
Special Abilities dltl, hlotice d8, Shooting d8, Throwing d3
glowing acidic goo at one target within -sh: Bite: lvlutant land fish have very large
twenty yorts {2l]'} using its Shooting skill. The Pace: 8; Parry: T; Toughness: ll]
teeth. Str +2.
goo inflicts Ztlii damage on anyone who fails a 15!: Pack Mentality: Every five mutant [and
Vigor roll at -2. The glowing goo gives the fish in a group adds +1 to the smarts of each Special Abilities
kanker a +2 bonus to hit anyone who has individual. They are usually found in packs of -ht Expectoration: Cldres have the Spit
already been struck by its acid attack. S-211], but so per—intelligent hordes of hundreds Edge. If an odre successfully hawks a loogey

gm? Milf 41% have been spotted. on an opponent the odre gains a +4 bonus to
_a __ a:n_n_a. ..._,__—_-_-.n._u .14 _a.-.._n.: _a.-_g.,_a.,_'
:__-.,__:.._..-_a._

1?: Stamp: Rather than bite. a mutant land its next attack roll against him.
'‘ _t
fish may choose to stomp an opponent with 15: Gear: is typical odre wears thick hides
lvlilfs a1'e shape changing monsters that lure
beings to an early grave by posing as
its long legs and flat feet. is stomped victim {+1} and wields a big ass club [Str +3}.
seductive members of the victim’s species and
mu st make a ‘vigor roll or be Stunned for nu 1%: Size: Ddres are pretty big- Dpponents
rounds. Str +l. gain a +2 bonus to Fighting and Shooting rolls
then choking them with their enormous,
against them {Siae +4}.
prehensile tongues. hlobody knows what ‘I.

Mutant Land Fish are the staple oi-ltlte Eloshioan diet t.':|aivl‘liaafns!l?e'iii'-I:
.
also
giti’-.l""
tire." pI loihrt-he rt:-utan‘tEItan_o i_1'sl1
"I
diet.
.
_
-—

--d- - if —-r' 1.-' .3

fl‘

.'-1'
II
 al . " r' .
_ . a_
. - _ ',-
. .
'_- '
i.,,'_-.1.-—
.I_
d-F-
2.5..»- -
‘fr-3. {bad ass primordial goon. opens an
sire can of cup; :55. on this
' 'ecoopg:y
itaplesli’ -perm and his trernefillian Friend
oiijaoid
—-I. "-——a--_'- J-
, n
-—- -I-I-I_:'z.—-I.|_-
These tiny little fellows are pretty harm-
less when they are all alone. Seings even
keep them as pets, since their viscous
, ._.- drippings make wonderful lamp oil and
'_“'t.£-‘flair werm sniffing abilities are usefttl to
hoinks and booty hunters.
Wlten they flock together, however, oily
boids become quite dangerous indeed. The
collective ooaings of a dozen or Inore of them
can form a thick net of flammable slime that is
extremely diffictllt to escape.
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts db {Ft},
Spirit d3, Strength ci-fl, Vigor d-4
~',Skills: Fighting db, Tracking dlfl {by scent]
Face: 3; Party: 5; Toughness: 4
Special _Abili[_iaa
-fl: Fly: Clily boids fly with a Face of IS.
-fit Size: Dily boicis are really small. Dppo-
nents have a -2 penalty to Fighting and
Shooting rolls against them.
all: Slime: ‘.«’v'l'ten excited, an oily bold exudes
a sticky, flamlnable slime f1'om its skin. Cine
boid does not exude enough slime to concern
the average adventu1'er but when they flock
and drip from above, the drops cling together
into a sticky net that traps anyone caught in its
area flfl--ifl holds use small burst template,
more than 40 use large burst template}. A
trapped being must make a Strength roll at -it
82.
_ 1 '
._ 1
- I
h~_
"3-—
from fire, acid, cold, and electrical attacks.
15: llrlutative bite: anyone bitten by a pri-
mordial goon must make a vigor roll or he
mutated in some weird way {lose a random
limb or eye. The lost member grows back in
‘I de days).
‘fl: Limited We rranty: Goons are immune to
damage the first three rounds of any combat.
-ii: Split: if a primordial goon takes two
wounds in combat, it will immediately make
a ‘vigor roll. if successful, the goon splits itself
into two identical goons, each with one
wound. The goons are perfect clones of the
original.
y Puddle of Yuck
rl..|.j-m-a_.l-3-.1--3:PIa."\..‘-I1-I--1-
I
1
These gelatinous monsters hide among the
dunes and scrub molds of That Cine Place
With All The Sand, preying on caravans and
desert nomads. They are large, amorphous
blobs of iran slucent greenish muck, an almost
perfect disguise among the filthy ponds and
- oases so dearly sought by travelers.
_.
Attributes: agility ti-4, Smarts as. Spirit dill,
'.'.“:.:."-.I'I
its as
_1
Strength di 2, Vigor dill
I Skills: Fighting dill, Notice dill, Stealth dlil
it-li~l.‘t_-_l lI'
- Pace: 1; Parry: .7; Toughness: 'll.'l
,. ,_, M“
Special Abflities
-ii: Disguise: A puddle of yuck usually
hides its large bulk in a shallow depression,
where its shining body resembles an oasis
{hlotice roll at -4 to tell the difference}. They
hunt from ambush, waiting until prey draws
near and then attacking with a barrage of
to break free. The ooze can not be cut,
slaps.
but it can be burned, inflicting Sdti
damage on anyone caught witl'u"n..A
15: Immunities: Fire, acid, electricity, and
blunt weapons inflict no damage on puddles
I -\_I.J--\_|r —_ |.|.-_- -Li-_-.lI--I --I-1-—I --I-.z.—-.i-I.| |_r-I--_-jar '-—.l-ti
netted being is not able to perform any of yuck. They take no extra damage from
physical actions other than attempting to called shots, and are immune to all poisons
escape. Dily boids use this ability defensively; and disease,
they never actively fight creatures bigger than -it Paralysis: Anyone Shaken or Wouiided
themselves. by a puddle’s slap attack must make a vigor
it Warm Sniffing: Dily boids can smell roll or be paralysed for his rounds.
we1'rns from several miles away. They are -fit Senses: Puddles suffer no penalties for
sometimes tt'ained as trackers by hoinks and darkness or low light, They can sense
booty hunters. vibrations in a fifty yort fill") radius.
i"i5£f:?ii 6
1%: Size: Puddles of yuck are relatively
large. Dpponents gain a +2 bonus to Fighting
and Shooting rolls against them {Siae +4}.
l'n.n.n-u.-—uj—--p-j.-—- -r-—u---r -u--u—u.-—u-I -—.n.n.--u—-r-u.--r
These huge protoaoans are the brute squad
and bodyguard of the Primordial Soup
-15: Slap: A puddle of yuck attacks by
smacking simultaneously with three trans-
Kitchen, but it's a secret so don’t tell your
lucent tendrils with no penalty. Str +2.
players. They often accompany giggities on
y_-._:__-,....._..-. ..... .__...._._c
their missions and otherwise carry out the will
of the Kitchen staff.
} Qoochacho i
a-jrr --I-u--.-—u.n—u-'-—--u—-.-—-'—u ——.n.—-n.n—i.-nu.
These sh*ange triangular beasts roam the
Attributes: Agility dlfl, Smarts d4, Spirit -.3112, lvloonular Cheese Fields, gorging themselves
Strength d'l2+2, Vigor d'l2
on delicious green cheese- They are generally
Skills: Fighting dlfl, Guts dl2, harmless, but can be dangerous if provoked.
Notice d1l], Throwing dlfl
Pace: ti; Parry: T"; Toughness: 8
attributes: agility dill, Smarts d8 (rt),
Spirit dti, Strength clfi, ‘vigor d-S
Special ftbilities Skills: Fighting clfi, Notice tllil, Shooting dill
{it Clubber: Primordial goons fight with Face: ti; Parry: ti; Toughness: E:
their powerful pseudopods. S|_r +3.
{in Immunities: Goons are immune to spells Special Abilities
that affect the mind, all bludgeoning -is Belch: When provoked or frightened, a
weapons, and disease. They take half damage qoochacho belches up a frothy miitture of
Since the Primordial Soup Kitchen is lost nobody llil'|lI'I'l'5- who is rorrmancling all the goons and giggities.
_n
I-
 '
.ir-~'=----
partially digested cheese and streng gastric ceughing up huge gebs et phlegm and glass Speeisl jlbilitjes
acid. A qeechache can spit this mixture up te with which te bewl their prey. -fit Bite: Sand slegs bite when threatened er
Ell yerts [2El"} at a single target. er spray it in a bunting. Str +2.

as
bu rst that reaches 5 yerts {S”] and can hit up te '"—‘l -fit Immunities: Sand slegs are nunune te
three targets. The vemit inflicts E‘-d4 peints et peisen. fire. and disease. They take half
damage and uses the -.;eechache’s Sheeting damage frem piercing weapens.
skill. Attributes: Agility dsi. Smarts d8 [A], -fit Marbles: A sand sieg can spit a giant
Spirit d'll'.l. Strength d'lI»l+tf:, ‘v'iger d'll.] sphere ef phlegm and melted sand at ene
l Scary Ass Mgtha
_n_-_-.n:a—u. T.-u-u_a-u_,,_..,_,.—_-n.n.n..--1. -_n_a-i.-u--ma:-a-_a.—.n-u-u._ n_-n.-_-j---i_-

Skills: Fighting db. Guts Lib. Netice d3 eppenent within Si] ye1'ts {SIT} fer 4d-it
l Face: 4; Parry: ti; Teughness: ‘I?’
1--I---I ?hj-I-"j"‘-' -Ijj--I1l|"‘I-r"-|"‘-f-—'|""‘ —"-I-—1-I-- - -'-'-.--1-.--—--—-—.- '-
damage.
Aptly named. these creepy beasts are it Size: Sand slegs are abeul thrice the size
indeed scary. They have little tiny bedies. but ef pygmy slegs. Clppenents gain a +2 benus te
Special ;lbi.li|'_ies
their vile faces are ameng the mest herriiic in
-1?: Bite: The bite et a giant sleg can be deva- Fighting and Sheeting rells against them.
all the werld. Size +4.
stating. Str +4.

l:§.Pi.*{5§3fli§%15T§F3ed l
Attributes: Agility d3. Smarts d-=1. Spirit dds
1?: Immunities: Giant slegs are immune te
peisen and disease. They take half damage
Strength d'lil. ‘yiiger dill
irem fire and piercing weapens.
1-n.a—-r -in--—

'
Skills: Fighting dd. Guts d'i2, hletice dill, These peer seuls are neither living ner
15: Size: Giant slegs are incredibly huge.
Threwing dti dead. Eldritch pewers have trapped them in a
Dpptinents gain a +4 benus te Fighting and
Face: ti; Parry: ii; Teughness: .7 strange state el unliving undeath. Fer seine
Sheeting rells against them. Size +'ll1
reasen they tend te hate living things and try

lI5Y3"_l__YH.~°_>i'li‘i§l
te kill them whenever they can.
Special Ilbilitjes
.,.,_.._ :5.-_n_a_.__,_.p_a._..

‘S: Elite: fiery ass mu Ihas attack by biting

Attributes: Agility dS. Smarts dfil. Spirit dS.
{Str +1] er by hurling stenes.
Attributes: Agility dd. Smarts d8 {A}, Strength dS. Viger dS
-its Venem: The venemeus bite ei a scary ass
Spirit d'lll. Strength dl.’-1, Viger dill Skills: Fighting d8. Guts d'l2. bletice d1l}
mu tha ferees a victim te make a ‘iliger rell er
Skills: Fighting db. Guts dii. lwletice dS Pace: 4; Parry: Er; Teughness: E:
be everceme by the creeping willies, immed-
iately wetting himself and fleeing madly ier Pace: 6; Parry: ti; Teughness: E’
Ids reunds. If the ‘v'iger rell is a l. the target Special Abilities
Faints and cannet be awakened fer Edd Special ilbilities Spirits el‘ the danged are unique
reunds. -fit Immunities: F'ygmy slegs are immune te individuals. but they efien have ene er mere
_..,..__.
ef the lellewing abilities:
s e 1: n o__o hit? i
r__._._._ peisen and disease.
a. _a.n_ a.n__,1_ n.-.a.__n_n. _._

1'-it Bite: Chemping jaws. Str +2.

These vicieus mensters are all tee cemmen 'msanW3ҤT Wigs
--.._._--...- i .« 1'-it Etherealness: Spirits ef the Danged can
beceme immaterial at will. Wlten ethereal
in the Frentiers and wildernesses et the werld. they can pass threugli walls and can enly be
immense quadrupeds ef teeth and hair and Attributes: Agility dd. Smarts d8 [A}, harmed by magic weapens.
claw, their whining veices can be heard frem Spirit dill, Strength dlfl, Viger dill -fit Fear: Anyene whe sees a spirit ef the
big yerts away, dread harbingers ef imminent Skills: Fighting db. Guts cit); Netice L‘l3 danged must make a Guts check er run
demise. Pace: 4; Parry: E1; Teughness: "lit

Attributes: Agility dti, Smarts dS {A},

Spirit dtl. Strength dil. "v'iger d'l2 Giant slegs always get picked first
Skills: Fighting dil}. Guts d'l I2. Netice d'| ll lay the team captain.
Face: 3; Parry: Ir’; Teughness: ‘ill

Special Abilities
-is Bite: The meuth ef a scltneeble is teeth-
seme and vile. Str +2.
-is Size: Due te a schneeble’s large size.
eppenents gain a +2 benus te Fighting and
Sheeting rells against it. Size +2.
‘SI: ldiliine: A schneeble’s piercing whine
causes paralysis fer ‘ld=l reunds in all these
within El) yerts fill") whe fail a Spirit rell. A
schneeble cannet whine and bite in the same
reund.
i “F
[M _I- ' —:j- a—l
*l§llf'&i§”W "7l
-I_l—--|:l:- -1-

Take a big. fat, limbless werm and cress it

with a eremetillian. The result is a sleg. These
critters. at least the pygmy variety. have been
used as beasts ei burden since time
immemerial. They crawl aleng. eezing en a
trail ei partially hydregenated animal and X er
vegetable shertening that drips trem large
peres en their ventral surface. Pygmy slegs
are easily demesticated. but the larger slegs
are camivereus and can be quite dangereus.
Sand slegs are the meat terrible ef all.
 - .- _."It=;:-_-filn‘ "
‘T -3'

.*-t '-
‘
secends later, biting the head eff yeur friend.
-5‘: Fly: Ghestly levitatien at a Face ef S. Threw a spear at it and it's just as likely te net
-15: Undead: All spirits ef the danged are exist as it is te get impaled.
undead. They have a +2 benus te recever frem
a Shaken state, +2 Teuglmess, and take half Attributes: Agility dtfl, Smarts d4, Spirit dl."-3,
"damage frem piercing attacks. Strength dlfl, "v'iger d'ti7l
-- * *'--'—
r -I Skills: Fighting dlll, Guts L112, Netice dS
5 Squiggly Mass J
_n_a Id. -u-—- a._

Pace: Er; Parry: T"; Teughness: 3

Herrid in the extreme, these ginermeus

blebs ef wet needles and teethy spines can be Special Abilitjes
feund in mest ef the wildernesses ef the -fit Bite: TT'l'I'vlt-iE attacks by biting. with a
werld. lntelligent and sinister, they eften lead raise, it has attached itself te the victim's head
herdes ef lesser mensters, cellecting vast (assuming it has ene) and remains attached
" until killed er nenexistent, auternatically
'_ treves and armies ef slaves.
hitting the eppenent each reund. Eitr +2.
Attributes: Agility dl2, Smarts d12, Spirit dS, 15: Existential htcnexistence: Whenever
Strength dE'-, Viger dill Tl"I'l'vlI‘-lE interacts with anether creature rell
Skills: Fighting d12, Guts dl2, l'~letice d12, a die (any die}. If the result is even, 'iTlvtNB
l-lecus Pekery dlll dues net exist fer that split secencl and can’t
Pace: S; Parry: S; Teughness: .7’ be affected. er affect ethers, in any way. An
edd result means it exists. This relt is made
- ._E'&Bpecia1 fibflities
every time an inter-actien eccurs {an attack by
T1"I'lvtNE, an eppenent’s attack, etc. ..].
-ll-‘I Hecus Pekery: lvlest squiggly masses are -—.,_.- .-._.__-.._.-.___—__

§ Tr-ionaparapanta J
‘;—..._-.-u-—-—_..— ...—._-—,.__-—._—.-:--.._,_:|

able te cast spells like a hecus peker. They TTTHHE

usually have 1-5 Fewers and -ii] Fewer Peints.
-it Immunities: Squiggly masses are im- A trlenaparapants is a bulky quadruped
mune te bludgeening weapens, electricity, whese face is adernecl with herns and
peisen, and disease. They take half damage ‘fit Telepathy: Squiggly masses speak using venemeus stingers. The beast is extremely
frem piercing weapens and are Sflflli resistant a ferm ef telepathy that extends te SUD yerts aggressive and will eat just abeut anything-
te all magical attacks. {Sl]|.']"). They understand all languages.
{I Lew Light Visien: Squiggly masses ‘SC Wall Walker: A squiggly mass can crawl Attributes: Agility d1 2, Smarts d-'-1, Spirit d1 fl,
ignere penalties fer peer lighting cenditiens. en walls er ceilings with ease. Strength d'lI1+4, ‘v'iger dli
it llriiniens: Squiggly masses a1'e usually Skills: Fighting cl'l2. Guts d'12+2, hletice as
—-rs.--u-i_.-I.-__1.:.a. _l'l'\_ a:u_u—ru.n.-—u-u.--a-ma--Ia:-—.
a-u.j_n_fi

‘fiecempanied by a dezen er se lesser menste rs, Pace: 8; Parry: 3; Teughness: ‘til

such as edres, scary ass muthas, er hercs.
it Squiggle: A squiggly mass I'ends fees These creatures are just plain weird.
with its slimy ceils and peinty spines. Str +3. Basically, they are nething mere than a big Special ilbilitjes
Masses may attack up te feur times feet with a ceuple ef squat arms and seme -fit Arrnur: The beast's teugh hide effers is a
eyes. ‘viarieus types exist, adapted te different +2 Teughness benus.
per reund witheut penalty.
terrains and envirenments, but the desert -A: Gare: A trienaparapants attacks by
stemp is the mest cemmen, eften used as a gering with its hideeus herus. Ely swinging
meunt er beast ef burden in That Chic Place its head back and ferth it can attaclv: up te
Witli All The Sand. three eppenents simultaneeusly, assuming
they are next te each ether. Str +2.
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts d8 [A], Spirit 15%: Veuem: Anyene hit by the gere attack
d8, Strength d12, ‘viiger dill] must rna ke a ‘vlger rell er be paralyzed fer
Skills: Fighting db, Guts dB, Netice dS Eclti reunds by the creature's te:-tic venern.
Pace: S; Parry: S; Teughness: T’

Special Abilities
ill Fat: Stemps are able te ge weeks witheut
feed er water thanks te the lumpy steres ef fat
that adeni their heads and Et]‘|_lt'.lE5. These
cushiens ef fat are wenderful natural saddles
as well.
sh Stenip: As their name implies, Stemps
attack by jumping inte the air and srnashing
eppenents. Str +2.

Em Thing That Might Net 31

.l—-- ?-..I----.. -I--IT--i. .I‘—_S|.§."-I-%--5-J? F—i-I-|'_"'-1'!--F-.

if‘
"I-—I—-I.-I.l-J"-j —1-I—I_|--I-.l-'--Ia-I1: -I_I-it--5:-\.l-F j.l-I_—I.l—j-—- —I.l-1-ii-r

I.
J" This little butthele is prebably the mest
frustrating ef all Ctitlfs creatures. The thing is,
‘F...-

semetimes it exists and seme-

J
I. -

J d'\. -'---- ' ' ‘

:- .- _. .- -'1
-
.-' ' ' _,__;_.
.'
_
_ a
__
times it deesn’t. The nature ef
I
this bizarre phenemenen is
difficult te cemprehend; ene
.

-
A-Eiggltfss. B-1-icatlstane. L’-Squiggly Miss.
If I

-
‘I

' "' '

r -
-
II‘
" ti-‘trtunaparapants. E-Mutant Lind Flsli. F-Pu-tldle of
- minute it's there biting yeur
T '
.- .

" "-"' ‘I"l.Iclt. E‘-‘Scary Ass Huiha, I-'l'-Hair I-arc. I"EllIlrc.

.-i. .- ii‘
head eff and the next secend it's J-Flanker. It-Ereatliun tleitl, L-Srlinnnflc. H"llnnr:luclxiu.
_ -l-.
_ gene, enly te exist again a few H-‘Spirit at the Illngnl. D-DI} I-Hill
gr
_n_
-I--I-—
-._ .
' '-'-'-.-
‘-u. ,~._-t
-L afiluuliir Hessefes5__is. the siamprrfllngcst cafe in this page

-r.
 -
... . ...
.....1..
F.

,.H. .,. \,_. ._. ,_ . ?

...
 Savage Tales
The fellewing sectien centains a buttlead ef
' Savage Tales, a series ef interrelatett brief
!l ":1... ;..j—;_:_.——.—-._—-—._

Briiideiii adventure Generater

‘adventures fer _veu te run- Since seme advent-
tires depend upen events that may have taken
_ place in previeus Savage Tales it is a geed
idea te read them ever and make certain the
'i’eii knew, sernetiines the heap Inight Iiet really feel like pursuing their scripted geals in the
,-.u-I:-_-u_.n-j.- _-_,-. -_-I
search fer the Prirnerclial Seup F-Citchen. They I1'lfl_‘,-' just feel like killing seiiie rnensters and
taking flieir treasure, er maybe eitplering seine ruins, er deiiig seiiie geed deeds er bad deeds,
er whatever. Te this end, l present te yeu the Dfficial Leia Li]?! Randeni Adventure Generater.
an.-u_n_

tirne is right. It's se simple te use it just might be illegal. The idea is te give _veu a basic place te start when
designing 3-'eur ewn Lear ire adventures, net te plet eut an entire ceiirse. ‘i’eu’re a smart kid
[presuniably] se I'll leave die grunt werk te yeu. All yeu have te de te get started is fill in the
-Met Peints
blanks in the Clfficial l_c-at Li}? Randern iiidventure Generater Paragraph with werds er phrases
'1 -' "Savage Tales with the
frern the apprepriate celurnn. "i’eu can rell randenilj; er just select them en a whim based en
Tftiic try" the Flash cr:-,ring
._-. -._ —_.- ._a-:

what the heap tell veu they're in the iiieed fer. Here's the DLLRAGP: _-T-H'Z *iT

Dith ne:-ct te them are

'3' Paints.” '|'hese are steries that are
_ -— _ “Plat
E5~,5anfi,-,i.| an the Pm-..¢1P|a 1,-3.,-n and mum be Diice upen a time the heap felt like
played in erder the discever Iemed about g mat wag re near a .;,- _"[-hen
fer’ characters tn 1 E g.Lg},_ __
.- the secrets ef the Frimerniial S-eup Kitchen and
take their rightful place ameng the herees ef
Clith. Leek ever these adventures first se 1 {I213} 4 l‘~'l13l' _ '5 {flu}
},*eu’ll have a netien ef when the},-' Sheuld l Killilig l"vltinsteI's "I l**"1*'lli‘l'lf3"-1-"'t‘§3'“li“l ll“-lily’ ll lllfltlf“
flfcur and “that are flbflut_ 2
they 2 E.g..P|_UI.i].,|g &..:I.1.IE,I_..1|'.E..H:L,
___,..r At the end ef each Savage Tale is a list ef 3 putlith-= nt _i,'uck 3 Sacred
3 -.'.i,|_,r.L“.lL.h_fl,i1.g._; AiIn|L___,fi_|g' ‘visceus ‘ _
Pgggi];,|E tg|.3g tg. run new-[_ If gig-,u'1,_vg 31”;-ad}, 4 "v’aliaIit l'Il.-‘.‘1!'[]I 4 fl-'l{.‘.It'IHlt.'I'-]t'Il'iL‘!4~lt"Ll L—fl'&-."hIjr- ‘ir"1-—j "—-Ij1—I

4 Causing Treublc
run ene er all eftheni, den't paniczjiistcheese - s 5 l'*"_'*‘t_t5'1'l"L'-*5 tT5"‘~"“lf"1' 5l:_l3'1l1lT"'t}'.
5 D “ml”; L'l‘l“l'i D,H‘I Li ‘L_’ 5 'v'ain iiiinstrcl E: Liiiitli-'ii1iii'il
anether ene.
- 1j'h-

6 F it‘-di as T'I'=:astI I‘-3 r I liclcli-‘ii treasure r 1t..~.i—i-sit-ea.-.t.~

? Dtiirlg Rt’!-it-.’i-‘Il‘t‘l'I 3 Sai'i'i-‘Ll text 3 l-L:-ttriii-sigiiiit
-j I-"——r

Getting ‘feur Butt in Gear 8 Eating I_,|_inr;]1 9 lliing 'l'hat ll.-ligltt i‘~{iil' lit! '3} Wt-*ll—guai'ili--Ll
The Savage "I"-ale, Faster sf l-"ti_api'ts, is a great ll] lr”t-'a nte Ll Ci'i rninal ll] lniaginari-‘
place te start. It gets the ball telling and sets "ll ivliinster t:-f 5-i.1'.'.'IiT|-f.-‘ st:-rt "ll l lint:-iii'ai'Ii'ai.'i'ai1
, the stage fer future adventures. "I2 lfmligiiiiis Cult "l2 lC:in.‘liai‘Iteil
l Libra rjr
2 City Street 5 l CH2l '3" l£112I
'ei1tji'iuii13 Adventures
3 RI.-=staui'aiit
if all gees well, bv the time the campaign "l Ciiusilig tri:-ul*rli1 "l 'l'i'.*riiil‘i
ends the heap will all be legendary herees. 4 Bar 2 liliililiilig aiiiilifl-s; ECiii.'c
There's ne reasen the turn has tn step there, 5 E'l"l~'-"tl"'li=-'l 3 l licliiig l.'IUli.‘lIl'_'-,.-' 3 "ll-“riiiple
hewever. Clith is a huge place. The mensters t3Swani p 4 |"lt:-tting n"~'vIig,v 4 fiasinn
and lecatiens included in this heek are enl:-,r T Cave 5 -“"'t‘-*-"3'lll[".5:]. '-"ll-‘it?“"*-'“T"_‘-' 5 l l“‘~1“l*"il l"'“”-"='L‘-
HIE ITl€"I'E5t l.'llT'l'1I.'}lE" I'J|I'I fi l'7.I‘1tertiii|iiIig 1."|i'.-‘t'Ij‘|'lt" fi Svvaiiip
Life. Theusanuis ef unwritten places are left te T’ lall-cilig al‘n'.iL1t j,-'t:-Lu‘ nit:-iiinia 7’ Mine

- . e:-zplere, milliens nf mensters await te be

. . side g.,..,, ..
'
. 3 l'lr.‘Il.'lI'|1t_]r' pi-tiplc 3 Pet :—'.|:iiri-
U,-pm,[.L{ m_;.g,gm-E5 gn,_,.,:;_-gt . .t mg Liini -1-its -vtcstauiiiiit
___iL.fgug}-gr
j5__;;,.- unknewn enemies are left unmet, and
,j1g,_-g-.,»g.I—};_
l Stiil pt.-irtef ti:-wn ll] l‘~lLJI"ll'llI‘|g a i'i‘iiiiiiial eiiipirc ll} lr"'v'i-iiiltifs lt.'I‘I.‘v'-I'.‘I'
1
" unfathemal,-ile secretri i’eiirnteliei—ea1ise::i.‘i’er 2 ("Um1 llal I U I: MW” "ll ll“-'”'*f""“'tlr l”""fl ll P“”ff.‘*' ff“-*lLl'”t‘3
j
3

4 Sewers
Gefljng Areund '

lvlutlia Dith is a freaking huge place. Sure,

h1Z ‘I-J--—--—I-‘H-—I —j—-—-I-i-'—"I-I-—--':j- b-"'-E —J ""-I--

_ _ ___ __ _ _ _ _ ___ ___ F

it‘s pessible te frern ene place in anetlier, ,
as leiig as therewalk
s land cennecting them, but te The Players
cress large waterwajvs, such as The Big Drink,
Several eppesing greiips have an interest in the Prirnerdial Seup Kirclien [see next page}:
, tthe heap may have te hire er beek passage en
a ship ef seme sert, lvlest nierchant ships will
Greup lvletive
let [veu en heard fer 'ii]'fl—5|IlL'r clanis per
Deiiientienal Eliscetesticus They alread_v knew where the PSK is, they just can't eperate it.
passenger, as lnng as veu premise te help
Gerrninee the Geesed Being centrelled by the Dernentienal Discetesticus.
fight price—e—cerns and den't eat tee much.
Heernanitariaii Church Want te use the PSI‘-Z te bring the Heenianrace back te Dith.
The Savage Tale, {lite i'v’le t’-‘stir My Best, ‘Fer:
jeiiiiiiia's Witnesses C‘-tppese the Heeirianitarian Church’s efferts.
Crazy Biistarrdsl iiiav allew the heap te gain a
‘v"illainic Ceiisertiuiii Persenal Fewer and Werld Deiriinatien.
beat ef their ewn. -- a. I.. .- -- -_. _ --I ' . . - --I .— I . - 1. -u_ ---i_. - -i...r -r'-I’ ril--II-'II'II'

86
Feel free tn plietetepju
s .
any et_ the
.. -
various. visual aids presented
-
in 'll1'I5.-=_._5.etl1'en fer use in 3-eur game, er dnsrlnad therr It.-lrIIiH'n'.l"l|.,tIlli-ll.'l_ll-f'IL_EI!Iff1,
-
1-__ 1‘ "
 -an-=
_.w, i
J-1"*"-"" .

_JJ I.JP--A-I. .I1.i"'r I-.l-J-T - ._.r-I-.-|—-Ls -I-I- nu-i.-._ _ .-u-—|..|-. —-1%. 4.1-I’?-.. - . :.'I H-' .Pl..j..

rt;
.1

The General Gist of the.Tl.1it1rg= A quick briefing and overview

._ -.

l
ll

..
_I- ' ' In
Gk. Here's the thing. There's this ancient wonder called the fluite by accident, while taking a whiz behind a wall near two — ‘Infi-.

:—
Primordial Soup l-Kitchen. Nobody knows what it is, exactly, or conversating villains, a I-loomanitarian minister by the name of __p-
I

precisely what it does. Speculation abounds, however, and Fozzle hipped himself to the gist of the Consortium’s plans. f

everyone’s pretty sure whoever finds it {it's lost, see} will become Fozzle's sense of civic duty and moral outrage at the thought of l
really powerful and perhaps rule the world or something cool like such power in the hands of evil prompted him to begin his own
that. investigation, which promptly leads to his demise on the first
Throughout history, lots of different groups have searched for Savage Tale, Pastor of Puppets.
the legendary Soup Kitchen for various reasons, but nobody, so l-lere’s where the heap join the story. As witnesses to Fozzle’s
far, has had any luck. Enter the ‘ifillainic Consortium, a sinister death, or attendees of his funeral, the heroes become embroiled in
o1'ganization of powe1'ful bad guys, led by megalomaniacal a bold, lustful tale of murder, politics, exploration, and high
contanimator Lluulon Crepulos. Recently they've been searching adventure that takes them across the planet in search of a lost
really hard and they just may have found something. It seems legend that could eventually lead to the rise of a new power on
Gorminee the Goosed, a smellcaster from the Garden of Clith or the destruction of all they cherish.
Srnellemental Glee, has stumbled upon a major discovery That's the background any way. The way it plays out is up to you
regarding the mislaid ancient wonder, and he’s firmly in the and the decisions made
pocket of the l.fillainic Consortium (sort of]. Gorminee is traveling many Savage Tales that follow. Good luck, and may Eoorglezar 'I"Ii-Ir'1.—~I6"'-|"I -‘P-uru u-4Il'“jIy-F1-p-—-d-H

the world in search of more clues, but he's pretty confident he’s on have mercy on your soul. -r

the right track.

:- ‘IIl"'r

Allow the characters to introduce

themselves to one another and ask a few
questions, if they so choose, then proceed. The
crowd is a mix of cro-aches, werms. a couple of
This Savage Tale is an easy smelves, and a lone cremefillian who is
way to get the characters muttering softly to himself and looks a bit
together and start them off on preoccupied. I-le wears a checkered dew rag
and a painted brick hangs from a rope across
”’?'J. . '- in the middle of a dispute his shoulders.
between two religious factions and gives them a
..._n.-_a._n._,...n..a_:._,a.-.._:_,.n._:.__,.1.,_a_n._ ._n_-.,_,_..-,_g._u_.. n_u..n._aj-_ _ _,,a. ._a_-a..

clue to a bigger mystery. just as a few people are gathering their

The characters may or may not be -. things to leave. a metallic crash sounds
' from behind the puppet theater. ft puff of E
associated with each other before the game
begins. You should decide that before playing. . green smoke engulfs the wooden cylinder j
' '
and then ouicl-zly dissipates. .4. gasp of
wonder emerges from the crowd as they
The Place of Pondering see that the curtain is drawn and the paper
-—-In.-u_i—

The tale begins in The Place of Pondering in lanterns are lit. their reddish glow -
-n.-i. —

'l-

the city of Floom on Keister island. A few illuminating a squat pink figure standing
5 nothing but a wide brim med hat. and join
-——;-

dozen assorted beings, including the heap, . in the center of the tiny puppet stage. Three 1-i.

have gathered to watch a pa ppet show. Read smelves walk out from behind the theater the frolic.
and begin to rhythmically bang stic ks .
"I' .——I

or paraphrase the following: —

, together as a deep, resonating voice Dar: '1' mass rattlt l'ftt' Haormmrare.
_:_ _j._-__j._-i_._a__ -?._-I:
1-.51-j'1—-fl
_ emerges from t;"‘t.’t;"l'_"i"'i".’l"tt.”l'l.'I‘ at once.
—u-—u- .n
I-lrltctl tltry get t=in'lt_,from outer s_i-mrr
Lltoughy golden clouds wander slowly
|.

]_n.
-r_. Ttacy just might lo'nl' _:,.rom' asst
across the hazy orange sky above the city of
—-.u- u

' liloom. From your seat, a filthy wooden I "|lel1o|d.'” it shouts. "The glory of what
The crowd begin to la p their toes and
-i.-r

q._ :-n_. once was." A second pink figure rises I

bench aI'rayed in a triple arc with a couple clap along. Two small croach larvae join
-l-I

slerwly from beneath the puppet stage. ='

j of dozen just like it in one of the fifty or so
.-.g_

. dressed in a bright red robe and wearing a

'l—l-
arms and dance around in a circle. lafitltoul
tcirculaI' plazas that make up the Place of '
paper crown. The two hand puppets turn —-:2
warning a voice of dissent, a low grumbly
. Po11i.le1'iI"ig, you can smell the sulfurous voice full of angst and piss. rises from the
_ to face each other. their eyes goggling
:.:n-E-i.

stench of the I-5.eist'eri.*it'Cra1..vrl intermingled

n_
'
slowly back and forth. Suddenly the three a udience. .-"t lone cremefillian, his
with the delectable aromas of f|'ied dung "checkered dew rag adrip with sweat and
smelves burst into song, their high voices
-—u_n—.-—-—

and picl~;|ed slog nuggets hawl~:ed by the assorted foulnesses, stands Ll p slowly and
_ at once cacophonous and melodic:
a-_n.-
I

ubir.juitous street vendors a few yorts shouts. "ELISE CR.-hlllll The lloomanrace
ls.-wratiti the silvery stone wall that The ‘world was it better place .' were a bunch of vile monsters. They
surrounds the plaza. lr"tr'l'trtt rim fvy tlnr Haauratirace. imp1'isonecl my people and forced them
The assembled crowd tall: LjLlll.'."ll_"i-' among l into bondage.’ l low can you make light of
No one got‘ in ll,-'tittt"_,flitTt.‘
themselves, occasionally laughing out loud fit the tour of the l-faammtrat'c. l our suffering? This is off the cob] I piss on
at some joke or another. Sci far, the! I you r precious l-looma nracel"
cylindrical wooden puppet theater -', L_._.__..__
The pink join hands and begin J
|_—?l-"I----I.Ir -u-I_I.-I_|-I.-I 'I'l'T—I—ll-I-—:Il I-a.—'l-in-a—-L-1.-1:

lopposite your benches has made not al puppets

to dance in a circle. Two more emerge. one ; The cremefillian, a ]emima’s Witness
peep, its curtains drrnvn tight and itsj in a pink dress. and another wearing _
I named Haite Winlcletinliz [standard creme-
hanging paper lanteI'ns unlit.
‘III---Iul-ii-III-'-‘II-In-I--—t-I-'—-I-I-'-I '-ujF' -—Il|—-t'I—ii fillian), begins to unwind the rope aronnd—J;g;§_ ..

Haite 1f'f|r'lv:,I-!l'.|rI'I-'. has led a troubled life __dl::e Intancy. He Is responsible for burning rn_|Ztaop_Iast year.
-' '
dD'iH'El..'ll]'$j‘ll:I_'l!|'|'aFt|l3'i"l3|'l"El'l'IJ_I;EI'l
'
_ .- .I- . - - _-|.- -. : . -
- ' ____ '-
. ' : _ ___'_ H ._.' ‘-fir -r|.lI"'flI- III‘ '-Lf -.__ _ -
 :.:;._,..i"'
-H’
1'
I-
‘_.-I
' *
,_ . iaibulders. Allew the characters te draw
initiative if they wish te intercede. H-atte will
attempt te swing his brick {Str +2] inte the
puppet theater, trying te tepple it and then
kill the puppeteer, a creach named Feaale
'-'§{standard creach}. There are twe pessible
I‘-I'.|l.1lZCf.'.1-I'I‘lE‘l"i:
Dutcume the First: The herees step him
_ J-gr-~ befere he can kill the puppeteer. If this
happens, Feeele will thank them prefusely
and insist that they keep his puppets as a
reward.
Dutcerne the fiecend: He is successful. In
this case, Fn;tale- will threw the puppets inte
e crewd befere he is killed, where they land
amidst the heap. l-lis last werds, sheuted as a
' brick crushes his carapace, are, "Impertant_..
...reward
Cencealed within ene ef the hand puppets
{the ene with the crewn}, all ef which are
_ ' pde representatiens ef the Heemanrace, is a
crumpled piece uf leather en which is written
a garbled message:
' :I--.
If the characters search the puppets
thereughly, they may netice that ene ef the
eyes en the ene with the crewn is leese
.' {Netice -2}. If the eye is remeved, a secend
message can be feund scraped
5":
‘* .-
backside:
. frass thanks them fer their hereics and effers
-‘:1
at seme peint during the evening, as the
herees walk tegether aleng the wandering
.thereughfares ef Fleem, they are ambushed
by a greup ef centanimants. A wanker is
ipesitiened atep a building an either side ef
the read. They hurl their blebs ef muck at the
herees. They have been instructed te harass
and injure the herees while feur wusses fly
‘i.-dewn an-:.l attempt te steal the hand puppets.
Centanirnant, Wanker [.li}(pg Titi]: They
attack by hurling muck at their fees.
Centanimant, Wuss {tl}[pg TB]: They will
try te steal the handpuppets by climbing inte
them and flying away.
as -.l-
_
,,e Nobody
.
_- ..--
knows
The centanimants were summenecl by
Uuuien Crepules {page let}, a cremefillian
centanimater whe hides en a nearby reeftep.
The heap sheuld net enceunter Crepules at
this time.
The Freth
Hepefully, the hidden messages will lead
the heap te The Freth at sunrise the fellewing
day. There they will meet a slug nugget
vender, a werm named Cirble {standard
werm), whe ebservant characters may
recegniae as ene ef the attendees at the
puppet shew. If they shew him the puppets.
er the eye, he will find the secend message
and express his gratitude te them with free
sleg nuggets. if Fe:-sale survived yesterday's
attack, C}rble sadly tells them that he was
murdered during the night by unknewn
assassins. If they press him abeut the nature ef
Feaaie’s death, he will mentien that chunks ef
mud and filth were feund en his battered
bedy. If asked abeut whe Feaele was, Drble
tells them he was an erdained Heemanitarian
minister and that he had recently received
death threats frem -an unknevvn entity. Drble
invites them te Feaale's
funeral, which will take
place this afterneen in a
fungus field helewhence ef
l"-leem.
The Funeral
Several deaen beings
{mestly b-eduls, creaches,
and werms} have gathered
te pay their respects te Feezle in a bread
circular field carpeted with seft mushreems
and ringed by giant teadsteels. Characters
may recegniae the three musical smelves frem
the puppet shew last night. The River Eineee
inte its
flews swiftly beyend the clearing. Pesitiened
atep a gigantic mushreem cap is Feazel's
battered cerpse. it has been painted with pink
and blue swirls. Ft tiny hrewn and yellew
cylinder {a plastic can ef fish feed frem the
time ef the I-leemanrace} is glued te his
ferehead. Three creaches {Fcu:ale's brether
and sisters] pelish his carapace with scented
eils.
As the heap take in the surreundings, {Jrble
intreduces them tn the minister, a tall bedul
named Daddy l-iassafrass [page '1 3?]. Husse-
them a seat ef hener at the frent ef the
cengregatien its the crewd settles, he begins
his sermen. l-lis veice is pewerful with a teuch
tfrf funk.
-r -u--an--—u-- ..-u—u-n.u-u._u.—-—l.a-—-u.a_--u—_-u. a—u-———-a-
' l‘rrnl'l'lers and sisters- [flirt I get a l1t1ti—:"t-lt1:1?"’ l
"lhin—tnar‘il" resptnuls the patliertrtl ll
.assen1l1l_t', as l-"mt;-'.lt-"s l'l"|LEhl't|!'[‘H.'I]‘|'| cap is l
_ Hepefuiiy, the heap will be victerieus and
. turned tin its side and rtilletl sltnvlv t'tnvai'cl
the wnililtg river.
"'t‘irnll1e1' l-tr.-t.cle was l'.nelevetl l“_l.' us kill,
_:lal-'.en linen es ln: the lmntl Hf evil in the
pririie till. his life. 'l._'aIt l get a l1eti—:'tlt-1:‘I.7""'
"llnn—tnaItl” yells the crnwu_l_ "5-ilmet it
lt}LtLl, l.“latltl_v." ltiLull_vsl1nI_1ls a smell".
"Its we t'r1n1n1_it lil!'t‘Ill'lt'l' l"-lilii-".1-Ell.-.'r’.-4 ‘3_i_tl1l"«.'
wl'1er,e- .ac|'cly Hassiafrass
I T
a-.-P
lives.
remains tn the lieister ef Gttti.-‘Ll, let
rememtuir, as his l,'iet'ly gently fleets intel
the. warm er1‘tl‘:1'acI-_' ef the l lntnnanrat'I.*, the E
ili_‘,l‘I‘It‘!'U1J!-i nature I.'Ii- etlr fallen l'r1't1the1'."i
l:tJ.:c:«r.le's siblings release the mtlsltreern cap l
and it hegins tn carry his t'1uu.l}.'
stt-'iftlyE.
clewnslTearn_
"lirether litiietleis puppet sttevv.-‘s were a
seurce ef laughter and enligl‘1tenI11I.-rut te
l‘1l.1I'tLlt‘e‘Ll:-'~ til: —
"
l' "E-ltut yer stinkin' yap, heretic 1!!
l l lassafrasifs sI_--rrnen is cut shert by an ugly
sheet frem behind him. Rising frent the
l murky water is a scr:-wling cremcfillian, his
lspengy fiesh glistening with water and ,
'
rage. ”i-'ve want what's rightfully eurs!"
The t'ren1efillian celttiitues te rise frem
the feaming water, wielding a barbed
I lance and shine ting
ehst‘eI1ities_
;
TI
-in-—-——— -..---H1---'
Allew the heap te react. They may draw
initiative if they wish te act. anyene whe
makes a l'~letice rel] sees several mere
cremefillians climbing ente fleating
inushreem caps en the eppesite shere. The
cremefillian in the water is riding en a trained
brecedile, which is currently sub1ne1'ged.
anyene appreaching him must make a
bletice rell er the brecediie has " the drep" as
it attacks frem beneath the water.
Cremefillians [standard] ['I’'} {pg 136}: The
cremefillian en the brecedile is armed with a
lance [Sir +3] and is able te breathe under
water because ef a reek he inhaled. The ethers
are armed with hammers {Str +1] and lawn
darts (Ede, l5,:’12fErl]. They pile ente three
mushreem caps {twe en each} and use their
leng arms te paddle after I-'eazle's cerpse.
Brecedile [pg T3}: The brecedile is under
the centrel ef its rider. It will attack anyene
whe cemes near.
anyene whe makes a l‘~.letice rell will see
feur mushreem caps stacked near a beulder
en the river bank. Sis weeden paddles lean
nearby. The heap can use these te chase the
cremefillians that are chasing Fezzle's cerpse.
Try te make this enceunter exciting, with lets
ef lnushreem cap te mushreem cap fighting
and jumping back and ferth and such. The
caps have the same statistics as a I'ewbeat.
The cremefillians will reach Fezale’s bedy in
feur reunds if they are net stepped. It will
take 15 reunds fer Fezale's bedy te reach the
F-Zeister ef Gawd and fall ever the edge ii it is
net intercepted. Make sure yeu den't kill
-u-.-u-_- _a—:_n.a—-_.-u
n
Daddy I-Iassafrass. He‘s a key figure in seme
future adventures.
l
Reaelutien
semeene will have the presence ef mind te
l recever Feazle's bedy l:'-efere it plunges ever
i
l the edge. :3. very thereugh search ef Fez:cle’s
l bedy will reveal a crude tattee en the left side
l
ef his butt. If his bedy was lest, have the wing
casing wash up en shere er semething. The
l
tattee leeks like this:
Hels a hard guy to track down.
 Filltiw the characters te resptiiiti. it they
-u_j—n.- .--n_-.-I. —-1. -.-—u_a- -1-_-a.- _- ---reg.

.I"'iI'te1' li'ai'ersiiit; a lei.’-.' l'iritiIqt1s .1iitl

agret-1.-, Finste says‘.
=l t'li1iilii1ip;.1 Fei~.' spiral st;iii't.'ases iptiti Fiiialli.' _ 1 1...- _. _.,_,

' ‘s'i.I_'?H.3ll_' the siaineti 1.-'elltiii' l1]'l'|l‘.I]'t-'iltl. that 3' "it is saitl that in the tits‘ tit‘ t'_il11.ii‘Ii.-'1lii.*re
'.|_r
' i is l.lH1.rIl.1‘l.11.‘.'!'lI 'et'l'iit lt t'i~.'t' tei'i‘it'rles sit sitle l‘I'-.'
iiiarlcs the stall til l*'iiistti the Qtiill. iiiiistti
I l 5 .sitt1t*. i:..'|L'il'I l|'.'l:'E'!]."'lt" its tlt'Lllt't‘.itL“'tl tI.'I .1
liiriiseil, ti lL1]t'|l'|t‘i'lt'ttI: pile, t.l['l}‘I}'tlI|'|E: ii'ilh I ' Llil-it'."t't."1'llI t'4."li:';lt'|-]'|, .ii1-.i e.1t'h |.'I]'|I.' has .1
,_ tilth anti liti;~'_.-*.i1i;.1 with lilies, sits l‘|L‘l1il'ILl a '

stiiiie talile st‘t'itte1'eti ti'ilii pets Hi"-L'{3|lL3|]'|'."'1.i .-. siiiiiers iii a tet't..1iri n'..'1_i-'. atttl sei'i't"s L1

f inlt anti tii'ietl liitititi. lltiiiiiiiilt,‘-_‘. 5-i-t'til'lIi:',' in t'ei't.1iii s.it'i'eti ht!-ti..-r.e tti 1t'isittii's. T‘s.'ti twti
"
.- —.
teriiples shtire the saiiie e_-iitirtiititi. l.'!-|'.'IL'|.ii"'III.". tir
liiriiseil, lie paints an L[t'tl-'.t'tI.3I't"o.'l'| LlI.'!'~'-lI'iITli'| ttl'|
piiriisliitieiit. ‘ftiti tii:..', the se |'..'ii'i’ -_'~—- 1-u_r

_ the iiat'i-; til .1 stiiiliiiip ti'ei'1ii t1si1i,~_1| a tint" I' .-1.- .-_ ilt'1‘e’:- is'i1ai is is.HL1"-"-'t'l.' 'l'l1L' _._-.

I ti.ip;3;t*i'_ 3"-is _1.'iiti appi'tiat'li, liie e.'ei'iii sees its -.-. i|en.iii1.iriit.it'iar1 teiiiple is iiiatie tit hair
tippiii'lti1iiti.' in eseape anti riiiis !'it.']'L‘tl]l'Il1'I1;_. ’ p
l-|.'t'I-|!'t'I the .'sltiiistt'ti'iis |:|eatll.1ritis, the
I
ass THE 6005” I t'l;iiiiliei'i1ip, ei'ei' .1 high .st'tiiie wall in its ;
ii:rtir';._',le.-=..1i'i..11i ter't‘it'-le is ;.:,i1.it'tieti i'+_1.-' ti.
trit1i1ti}‘Iat'at.‘rt111ts, the leetsle lii'eai-..s ':~L'1"'t'L'
' I’.*ttE§L‘t'l'I1..‘!-'~‘.s tti tlee_ ..
t"ii't'L1:spi ta-'i11e, the iiititl temple is in the It-it
iii the t-lie i'i1.itie tut :.'_l.i-ts. tlit- I.ll'l'I'l..-’.1."I"l."-- tit
Ft Streetwise re-ll means tine at the heap flit this paint the eharat‘ters may apprtiatth .-— t.- —- .
.- tlie iiitltl teiiiple sL'i'vt' I-.;t1t1:.-cera ]1i:-is, the
reeegniees it as the werit at Fiiistri the Quill, a Finstti {staiitieirti pile, Smarts t“i'ltl] anti tines wliti piiiiisli "-ilttt|..']":-- iii‘ '|.'t."lil.'llll_Il."l_ at
philespher anti hatl tatteti artist whe-
._,_
il't|'."t't'| are 'I:‘IIl.I.'ll"i.i|t'|i.I ii}.-' .1 's1.l|.Iii"_I!_-"1lI‘-.' riiass, 1|it- _.-'— -up-:_u.-
liasittally t_'lvt'.'I 'wtiate.i.'i.-‘ri‘ tliiey want. Finstti is
tretiuents 'I'he I’lat'.e tit |’rintieriiig_ gruff l_iut l:Tl'|i-.'I'tt_ll:I,-’. He seems a hit Ctintusett
tie-rt-llt-1's iii tiit- 1t-rtiplt- Iniatte tit st'.ii"-s -i_

iitiriislisi1i11ei'si1f.' l'l.1i'i11g.;1l1e111, the teiiiple

t-ltisstifitiss uses his magic ta heal any
wriuiitis suttereti by the heap. He tells them
they were sent by the I-ltitimanratre tn stilire
this mystertr and it is their sattreti duty te lieip
liini tinti nut wl'1i,' Fii.'.r_?.le was rnui‘tiei‘eti_ It
tliei; refuse he will alter them each "tilt? t_‘l£IITIFi-
He i1istrut:ts them te gt: te The F'lat‘.e at
Peiitiering and talk tti Finstti the Quill, in
liepes that he can tjettip|ie.r the ttitttitfs
meet at the time anti likes ta use a let tit iii the teriter set'1.'es rmit lieer, the t'i1'st
ii‘iisplat‘eLi Iiietaplinrs tti matte hiniselt stitin ii _temple is 'l]'Il't.'Ii"'llIt'|.l li_i.' 5-it.i1iisiiiists, the
smarter. It asitett atitiut Ft.‘l-.T"'..;-'5ll.-'.', he admits that temple that piiiiislie-s siiiriers eritli .i slap: eat
lie ltiitiws liini, anti eitpresses satiness at his
the ii.'r'ist is iiest it: the tiiie that has ti
-,.1,I.it1i'tiiai1es:'rpli..1i;.it:it', tlie tL'11it‘rie i.'.L1.'11'tlt'tl
demise, but says ntitliing at the tatt-::iti’s l1_i.' a l“'t'|.‘||.'I'.'|-LlllIt" is i'It"“-ti ll.'|- the iiiie th:it
iiieaning. Hi-.' 'wti1i’t Iesptiiiti tfl iiitiriiiiiatitin tir I piiiiislies l‘-_i.' t't.i_i.'iiip,, the 1'eiip_itir1 that
hriI:ieri.r_ I._et the -.:tini.'ersatir:-n gin tiaeit anti - ptiriislies 'e.'itli Ll l.1a1'l.‘H..'tl eiieina seri-‘es SlI.1Ij.I’.,
ftii'tli a ti.-‘its.’ times. Ulitfe it seems as it the heap _‘.|'1.iit'e, tlte _l+.-'iiiit'|ia’s li"t'itr'1L's*::t*s 5‘-I.Ir'iish l:I_'-.-'
Ei'ti.isti1ip,. the .‘-itaiiisiiiists iiee tit-.s.t iii the
are aiiaut tti _gii.'t= up, pause tiramatit'aIli..' then
.1‘

sttiiie teiiipie, aritl the 1'e|i,-gitiri that slaps tin

l'l'lt?EII"Ii]‘tg. have Finstti sa 1.; the tflllnwiiig: tlie i~.'i'ist tiii'ells iii the tett'ii'1lt' iiest tti the
1 t11'ietl1.t1tsei'i'es itttiti I|‘._J"t!-j:‘._.

What's Next
If I 'Waii tetl 't’tiui'C1pinitiii._.
'C.3ret=.=tings Ditli Creature, May I take ‘ftiur
I
I
"L'niiii. ii't'll lliere is tine thing _i.'titi can
I'}iti _'-,'tiii _e,t-1 .ill that? l."-.".1iit me it'| rt-peat
. it?‘ ."'~«.'-.11-1.‘. the titlestitiii is. wtiitii te11‘It‘rie is
l tin that will get me te tell _1.'iiti ii-'liat _'~.'tii_i I’ ;.;I.Iai'tietl l.‘ri' ttlte little -.lI.tt_l~.it's?‘
! 1.i';i1i1ia i-u.ritiii'_ lily, this, I'm niatltier than .1 ..-_ .: __.. .__,_.,_n.-_:.___-_......_____..,m._--__--u.. '-_. -_. u-_—. *t|-1._ -q.—- . »—-. —_-. _- . — -.

ClT1..‘Ier litit tin rtitil lt't .1 i'tt-tt-I't't Itill lll:I-li'il't.-L€.l.T-IETII‘.-I-l1..hl.]-F'i| _. The heap have as leng as tiiei; want te try
l it: ‘3C|it-’IF_" the puzzle. There’s ne penalty fer an
I-itiw 2'-.«iut:|i is that Slaggjy in the Wintitiw?
Tlie Rtiet E-’eer tit Pill Evil
1 tii'ei' this piiiltistipliital t.'t.'|I'tLtt'ILl]'t[]'|'| seiiie ;
t't}llt.3't1E"1Lt'["2'-'rPitt-it‘Ll ttiiiiea lieu" tia_i.'s i'.l::1Il'l. l’i'e ‘ iiii:ei'i'et:l answer. The i:ei'1'et:t answer is the
Ilieen st'i'.1tt'liirip_ ni_i.' I‘ttt::E;lI‘I ill-it-‘ ti ripe l'triiii1im’s Vi=’it'iit'sst's. Clnee the heap gets it
- t'ii't't.1spi Iitit t‘.|t't it I't'tlll'-ll-i tit lt't it l'|.i.‘.I't"t'll]'II';'1 eerrect anti e:-tplains the answer te Firiste, he
will tell them what he ltiiews atii:-tit Feaale's
if
. lili.-<1-*.t1i'tl ei'ei' this tine. ll‘ _1,'titi tan seli'e it "_-
‘ ta ttee, and after ten give them each a free
; ttir me, I'll tiisli i.'titi the tiirt."
tatttie in heat.

‘£0.1;-it‘ Qpi_=t'1=i_-0.131:
p,..____ __..,

I Weuliel Ee=a-it it;

-J’-I---I’

of ‘felt;
at -u—-u-—-:-

In tliisTale the heap must

-..‘letern‘iii‘1i-.' the tirigiii tit a
strange tatteti, then tietiipher
its nieatiiiig with the help at
a l:'.ItII'1t_‘l't iii nertis_

The Place ef Pondering

After the heap find the tatttiti en Ftiir_e|e’s
bu tt, they are instructed te git in The Plate at
Pentiering tn tinti a philtisepher E'1l"1t_‘i tattee
artist iiameti Finste the Quill (staiitiaref pile,
Smarts tiltl}. Finste has ti small tahle set up
altitig fine side tat a pltiisi where he t‘lt'ies
tattees and argues phi|eseph_i; with his t_‘llt"I‘Il'§-'..
Ft. Streetwise rell er his ttflu rs tit tiuestitiiiiiig
randerri peaple will lead the heap right ta
him. Read the felltiwiiig as their appreaeh:
although he t':|iiesn’t knew it, Finste. the Quill is actually the cousin tit 1.-ii'iir;tiei.._r_er'pi|e liappei-is ti.i""l.jiE,,_in"i'.ieiJr heap turtles: you cliihlt have an-el
I+ .fl-H

.---'.'
 T
"If any players are getting bnred while the
nthers try tn snlve the puattle, have the werm
that left earlier cnme back with his twn
brnthers tn demand a refund- The werms are
mad anti in a fighting rnnnd. Finstn will nffer
3%;-'-l:t'tem a refund but they will try tn break his
C-i‘t'l"lI El P3 Fl: El I'l}"'l.-'t-'4'-_'l 3-’ .
Werms [standard] [3] [pg 136}: Each werm
is anned with a club {Str +1]. They will fight tn
subdue, nnt tn kill, unless the heap uses lethal
fnrce. Dire has fill clams in his pncket and
annther has a reek in a bnttle ffluickness, ‘I5 l3*P]|.
if the hernes defeat nr chase nff the werms,
' instn will give El] clams tn each nne that
fnught.
What Finstn Krinws
1'5: Fnrate came tn him abnut sis: days befnre
he was killed anti asked hint tn dn the tattnn.
fl -tit: Fneele was very impatient and kept
e?4"‘l'Uol<:ing behind him.
-it He has nn idea whn nr what "The
Gnnsed" is, nr what he shnuld be asked, but
Fnaale mentinned snrnething ab-nut the
Garden nf Smellentental Glee when Finstn
asked him abnut it.
‘ill The Garden nf Smellernental Glee is a
mnnastery abnut twn days travel alnng the
rim nf the sinister nf Gawd.
-sh: a cnuple nf ]emin1a’s Wimesses came by
the day after he did the ta ttnn and asked abnut
Enazle.
-it He did nnt tell them abnut the tattnn.
17%: PER stands fnr lirimnrdial Snup Kitchen.
15: Ft grnup nf wisenheimers snmewhere
nearby are always talking
Primnrd ial Enup Ki tchen.
Finstn nffers tn direct the heap tn the
Wisenlteiniers, whn have gathered in a nearby
plaita. When the heap arrive, read this:
I-'t. l:~t|nel1 t'-ii 'v~.'isenheiI‘ners st_Iualal:+le l
ltJt.t(.'lly amnng tliemseli.-'es as tliey lemnge
acrnss tl1e steps til :3 small sttine plaza. It
gurgling 1.-vaterl"all nearl'I_v til'Ist'ures their;
vv'nrt.'ls, hut the tlt.=l‘+ate seems pretty heatetl_ i
.r"ts ynu apprtraeli, _vt:«t: hegin lt} tn.'erh-eat‘
their t‘.n1'tversatiti|"t--.
”|"~.lt1
way, l must insist
.:Sr"E‘- '
Etltgtilalalt-I"s peI'ftrI't‘t1a1it‘e in {."tttst' It'll‘ the
Hile lilisters at the l~lt*el-;l‘st1ttlt* Theater was
far st|peI'iti1‘ tn the liacl-;rttr_vetl hatntnings Ull-
"
I I
.s3_ Guy' L:"titrsevtrlni t in fit e it’. t ‘it 't-'l'i='[' I, tr’.r ."vl_'1'
l~'.ieister," insists a 5iLiLlill'I.‘.Il'1t"-f.l'_"p"|'.-‘t.l l'.H'.‘.I1..llJl.
.1‘
"["~»lnw—aw," interrupts a sl~'.ir|rn,' telriale
ct'natTl1_ "'l'liey tlitiift even use real magic.
Ttru tftrulti ttitally see the st1‘ings and
Ltve1‘ytl1ing," sl1e t.ien‘1eans.
a""l. stunteti htrrc wipes his tlripping nt:-se '~
nn l1is arrn anti sniililes, "It t‘tI_‘1pL‘-‘t'lt‘E-i as
thtiugh we have attrat.'tet_i an aueliente."
rltll e_ves turn tti'vva|‘tl ynu. The final
mt-:ml1et' til the grnup, a tiIn.' tetnale smelt _.
with an int'retlil.'Il_v fla n‘1l‘:t:«yant hat, stutters.
"'1-l."—vs'—ts't* alreaeli.'_ lar— la1'— israve all t}l.ll' clams
l'—lZ~l't'r the g—gtrtrn ‘.-'-LIL[r'.lLl.“ Filie tttrrls t'Il"li‘.|Lll'|Ll _.
:1l'lLl gives herselli a painful n-'t.'t.lgie. "there.
:-i—E-—savet_l ytau the lIF-l'1'—lT-l'I'i:‘tl.Il.'f|»lt;"."
‘ii.--‘Il-1-r
Meenka Eheesenibbler is well known far her groundbreaking panderlngs. Her hank. Musings an Stuff sald aver Ell -:api_e's'.'
__p.
.1
-an-"'-"erg
In
T '-’ ts. "
't".I'iserthe'rrers ll-rl-.' F'ale-use The 'I"-iedlge lstaadard band. Smarts dti. Strergth d-Ill. a shirt hand. with a wide butt and are eye l-le talts lnutly
and has an arrnytg attest.‘ lrleenke 'El'-eeseriabter lstaadartl traa-:h. Smarts d'l2- ‘istrergth d-It-l. a skrt-y treath with a quiet vote and a derreatrir-3
tare: Gal lsta-ndard l-tart. '5a'aI'ts dlfil. Strength dill. an abese hart aha slabbers a int and Its teasta-ntty tr'p'Ir-g hrs raise an his arm: '5-a«_:ga-tiaus
'.‘.rr'ell' llslllli lstardard smelt. 'i-marts dlil. a daahby lerrlde smelt with a severe stutter
Ptllnw the heap tn react in any way they
chnnse. The wisenheirners are cautin us at first,
but they will warm up nnce they realize the
heap is nnt a threat. If asked abnut the
Frilnnrdial Snup Kitchen, Enll claims tn be an
expert nn the subject, knnwing everything
abnut the there is tn knnw abnut it. l"v“[eenkn interrupts
him, declaring that she is the true ezstpert. A
brief argument fnllnws, ending when lvleenkn
gives Gnll a wedgie.
Sagacinus Smell 3:tl El‘ interrupts them:
'”.'t’nu l-l-lnnk
st-st-stalwart bunch. I-if ynu take care nf a
l-l-little p-prnblem Fnr us w-we will be
happy tn t-tell ynu anything y-ynu want tn
knnw. S-see this gang nf thugs h-has been."
stutters the stnelf.
"They've been beating
stealing nur clams nn a daily basis,"
lfevtle ' interrupts the crunch.
fl‘-l"I ZI1‘
that
"They call themselves the Hnle in the
Head Gang and they hang nut at the Grey
lvlatter Ennaaterium," whimpers the hnrc.
"Teach them a lessnn, like Eezle
Gutgnbbler taught the squiggly mass irt
'-|l"-I—%1"'| :-—'j—
-'4
Curse nf the Eiiie Blisters, anti we'll tell ynu
all abnut the Snap ti-’Litchert,” prnmises the
bndul. "Dnn’t kill them, just make them
prnmise tn stnp harassing us.”
The Grey Matter Bnnaateriurn
l"“""""""'“"""‘ ""'”""'“"“"' """' —"""""“""""""' """""“'_""_
.'—"ts ynu a[."«pt'nac|"t the Grey lvlatter
Einn.'taLer'it:tn the dnnrs npen nl their nwn .
i accnrd and a waitress. a tall. nrange-
l_ skinned nnln in a pul'l'y t'ed ti ress. greets
i_ ynu. "1-*r't=lcnt11e tn the Grey Matter
5 Bnti.:taLe1'it:m. ‘ftiur table is read She leads
ynu thrnttgh a cnrthtsing netwnrk ni tables
E --I-I-|I'aI--o--—-II-
_ _.'1.
fim
'
. 'j :_"-‘- .1‘
_-
1.-
...._ _..__..__---_....i.
anti patrtins tn .1 1'i'."Iil.1l'tl.l table, set _..__.__.___I
_._-_na_n.n...--1 .1.-.n.
v-.'itl'I
prtipt-"1' nunihnr til" t‘i*tairs anti ynur tavt‘1I'itt1
the!
i..ll'll'Il'<.Ei al1't:at'ly in place.
The varinus patrt:-its til the lint};-r.att?!1'iuIir
seem tn be I.-?t1|'it.iyi1'tg tl'tI_-trnselvtrs. fit ,
ttrlnkitictit‘ ganit? ill" "liin the liutt til‘! the‘
iitirler" transpires ht.-lwetrti a grnup til" I'.‘l[tl-|'.‘I!-4
It'll yt:-ur left. 'l'vvn tlasvttirtl lentil-.'.ing werI‘ns I
tltnvn si'Int's {fill stnnethitig l"tia1‘t1y tti yt:-ur
right.
Allnw the heap tn talk amnngst themselves
l-l-like a pretty
and ask any questinns they want. rafter a few
minutes the dnnrs npen anti the Hnle in the
Head Gang swaggers in.
_.p..__.___ _,-.:...:..,u:__n,...._-,_n.,__.___,.-..__. _.._a__.
i_ '|'ht.' tltiurs tn the lititiitt-1tt~riuI1't ripen ttil
reveal a tgrtitlp tit bntluls sl'ant.l1ng lit the:
I ,
I _
us up and vestibule: vvith their arrns t.'l't'.tl'i"."i1'.“'L'l anti
I
smug attitutles i'.'Il't their faces- liacli nne.‘
yvve.ars a tall ttititii hat vrith a htrle in its i
I
." center, t*st't.-pt int‘ their ltratler, a sltnrt, fat
lh.-lltnv with an actual l'll.'lli.' }‘Iiert'ing his
I"
irntnense iti1‘el1eatl_ The htrtiuls just stantl
there ltrr a rnnrnent I1:-r twn until they are
certain all eyes are nrt them. Then the
lead er smiles hrtiatlli.-' anti tl‘ti.-'l.-' strut anti
stvaggei‘ their way ttran L‘1'l't1I'1l.':i..-'-l:.'r.'tl.‘|lI;‘ in the
tar rnrner t:t1'tJtJ1Tt.
I --- -—-I-'1.-r----t-—.-—-——-1--I--P -.....-.-_._.—..-
The heap are free tn act in whatever way
they want. ‘The Hnle in the Head gang are all
very rude and smug. They will make fun nf
the heap antl refuse tn stnp bullying the
philnsnphers The nnly way tn cnnvince them
tn stnp is tn beat the crap nut nf them.
Fighting is nnt allnwett in the Bnnaaterium
antl the tetekinetic bnuncers will levitate any
scrappers nut the dnnrs. The Gang will agree
tn meet the heap nut nn the street tn fight.
--I--.
r‘
‘I!
 |..§.l-L}.
Motives and Mayhem
Depending on the political, religious, or personal beliefs of each individual. the
characte1's may need special attention in order to convince them to join in the search for the
Primordial Soup Kitchen. lf they don't seem to be interested have a representative of the
group to which they belong approach them individually in private to convince them, or
help them along with some Eiossular nudging. Here are a few suggested motivations:
Political
The [Ilementional Discotesticus: The
Soup Kitchen is an oofo artifact. It may
hold the key to unlocking the mysteries of
our ancestors.
Religious
Boorglezarianr The Soup Kitchen holds
the answers to a great many questions.
They Inust be shared]
Hoomanitarian: Daddy Hassafrass
implores the character to join in the search.
l-le hints at a greater glory of some sort if
they are successful.
jeezle Freak: The Soup Ii-'.itchen holds
the answers to a great many questions.
They must be repressed!
]ernima’s Witness: The l-Ioomanitarians
are up to something insidious. We must
find the Soup I'~.'.itchen before they do.
Stanismist: W hoever controls the Sou p
l-Kitchen will wield great power and
wealth.
-u..- -- . - -- -.-u_
The Hole in the Head Gang {page 139]:
The gang members a1'e all di1'ty fighters. They
are used to winning and will retreat if they
start to lose too badly.
If the heap win the fight, preferably by
giving Aardvolk a wedgie, they earn free
d1'inks at the Boozaterium for a week. If any of
the heroes gives a wedgie to a member of the
gang, give her a benny. When the heroes
return to the Place of Pondering, the
philosophers will ask for proof of their victory
{a foam hat will do nicely). They will then
proceed to answer any questions the heap
may have. Some of the things they say are
incorrect, but they a1'e not lying since they
think they are right. They constantly interrupt
and contradict each other.
What the ‘Wisenheimers Know:
d: The Primordial Soup Is'.itchen [PSKJ has
not been seen for millennia.
-fit Nobody knows what the PSK. looks like.
{it The PSK is apparently run by oofos.
1%: Tina’ ts were spawned by the PSI’-“Z.
{it The PSI-if is some kind of magic castle or
something like that.
{it No it's not, it's some kind of flying oofo
thing from back in the day.
{it Ancient texts say the PSFC could
disappear and then reappear far away.
{it The PSI’-'5. is a magical, wondrous place
where all questions are answered and the
coffee is always hot.
‘fit Some beings think the PSK is buried
beneath the llvloonular Cheese Fields.
‘fit The ultimate authority on the PSK on
l-ieister island is a monk named Gorminee the
Goosed who dwells in the Garden of
Eantanimatrenic rninitln fightingbouts ha_v”Tel"‘ been a mainstay at _T|'r5cii'appirrl Hale ‘E
'9
.—-.11,
Personal
Adventurer: There's bound to be tons of
monsters and treasure along the way.
Bad Guy: PGlWER!ll!l
Good Guy: Think of all the people you
could help...
Idle Rich: It's a sure-fire cure for
boredom.
Gldster: The Soup Kitclten is an ancient
and historically significant thing.
Gofo: lvlaybe they’ll let me join the
E‘-‘ementional Discotesticus, then l can have
the same motivation as them.
Peddlerneister: The Kitchen must be
worth tons of clams.
Smellcasterr The monks at the Garden
of Smellemental Glee would be very
grateful if Gorminee the Goosed was
returned.
Tizn't: Apparently this thing made us.
It would be cool t'o know how.
Smellemental Glee.
-fit The don't know how to get to the Garden
of Smellemental Glee, but they know it is
somewhere on lieister lsland.
15: A croach ffozzle} came by a few days
ago asking about the PSK. as well.
15: They told the croach to talk to Gorminee.
Resolution
Glnce the heap determine thatGorminee the
Goosed is searching for the Primordial Soup
Kitchen they may have a variety of conflicting
or cooperating motives for joining in the
search. See Motives and l'v'layhem above.
t.i12tir_reate~
Ifigybtgieg Cl.-l1.‘3'.:l.iI.'1.'_:. .«'5l*.;
- Be there Be there lie ‘there
y
animlators. Elf course something sinister is
afoot. You can play this Tale before or after
The Rant Beer igfrtll Etril, but events that occur
in one may affect the other. lf the heap
destroyed Uuuly Crepsthrall in The Rant Beer
ofAll Evil, assume that tluulon has rebuilt
him, or an exact replica. Also, Lluulon has
been cleared of any punishment that he might
be clue as a result of the events in that Tale
{he's rich and the government is corrupt].
The tale takes place in Ftoom. These notices
-h'
'
' _ .,
. a-
_ |.- -.
_ _
'-._r
"\-
have been appearing all over town stuck to
walls and lamp posts and such.
Everyone knows where the firappin’ Hole
is, since it is the center of gladiatoria]
entertainment in Floom. The event happens a.
next Spoonday, but today can be whatever -
day you want it to be in order to give the heap
1'
time to prepare or finish another Tale...-3'
Wherever the heap goes in Floom people are
talking excitedly about the match and placing ..,.ll
'
bets with each other. They learn that
Stomp-o—sore—ass and Lluuly Crepsthrail are_
contanimatronic minions belonging to Fecus
Fecus and Lluulon Crepulos respectively.
At some point the heap is approached by a
shady looking croach in a stained leather coat. -
.-..
[line of the four sleeves is tied in a knot. T .
i
I
x
croach introduces himself as Gristle ‘H.
Sans—an—arm [page "l3-ii}, a professional book-
F. ._
keeper. He is offering eight to one odds on
Stomp-o—sore—-ass to win the bout. in reality,
Gristle is a booty hunter out to nab Daddy
l-iassafrass for the villainic Consort-iut'rI.. a
group of evildoers bent on world domination.
tie is in league with Uuulon Crepulos, who
has hired him to murder the heap if they-' =
defeated him in The Root Beer ofAll Erail [if no "
Gristle is only using them to get to t-iassafras‘. -
but Lluulon is still his contact within the"
Consortium}. Gristle knows of the heap's
connection to l-lassafrass and will use it to his
advantage.
Eirisfle's Plan
Gristle tells the heap that he recognizes
them as friends of Hassafrass. He says that he
has learned through his contacts on the
that someone is planning to kidnap the
reverend at the Ultimate lvlinion Fighting‘
Champs bout. According to him, Lluulon
Crepultas has ordered his minion, Uuuly
Crepsthrall, to run amuck among the crowd,
causing a distraction during which thugs
disguised as l—iassafrass’s bodyguards will nab
Hassafrass from the announcer's box. He'-
wants the heap to take out the fake
bodyguards so he can rescue Hassafrass and
___
take him to a safe location. He doesn't want I‘
Hi‘
t-lass-afrass to know about it because -.l-- . '
Id-
doesn't know how deeply the traitors have
infiltrated his church- That's what he tells the
heap anyway.
The heap could make a lot
of clams by betting on a
no—holds—b-arred fight to the
death ext-ravaganxa between
as the mighty
5TfllIlF-H-Elltll-I55
battles the legendary
1|UI.I|.'I' EHEFSTHHIIL
in a n:l"l'leli.'ls"t:arrei:I
fightrtartherdeath extravaganza!
Heat Sp-avnaay at sunset
at Tilt 5’ilHlli’Plll' llfllli
'l'lIlb lip-:tit-I EL-es‘. .I'|."I.'»un::r Daddy I-lassatrass
at the “rs? Huer'a.'I'.ar-an Cl'Lr:l‘:
an.
_‘_.1''‘was age.
I‘
-r
'
- '-"J built y_ears
. _ -5. 1-
- __
_'g Hi-

"111 reality, Hassafrass's lzicidyguards are
legitimate parishieners and Gristle wants tn
use the heap tn cause a distractinn sn he can
kidnap I-lassatrass and earn his reward.
If the heap refuse tn help him, nr dnn't
‘believe him, th-at’s nk, ne hard feelings. He
thanks them her their time, nffers tc- make bets
I
fer them, and gees en his way, then secretly
_|- I
I
urders his gang nf thugs tn ambush and
murder them later that day.
Thugbess Yerge {standard cremefillian,
Fighting d'll}}: ‘fnrgn is armed with a
bread—headed spear [Str +3] and wears armer
Thugs {standard cremefillians} {tiflpg 136]:
The thugs are armed with swnrds {St-r +2] and
slingshnts (Str +1}. They wear armnr made nf
slag skin {firmer +1}.
"'al'-__'I'he Main Event
“The S-crappin‘ l-lnle is a huge, apen air,
""""'\h.-I»
‘I
circular pit with a finer made ef bleed stained
dirt. Bleachers and benches line the entire
circumference nf the arena, with three bread
tunneis beneath them tn admit guests and
cembatants. There is nn entry fee and the
place is very crnwded. If the heap shnws up
an hnur early they may get first rnw seats, but
etherwise rnll a di 2+1 tn determine in which ni
the thirteen news they find seats. Daddy
.§'
3''“
i-
Hassafrass [page '13?) is in a heated seat abcive
the central tunnel, aleng with fear
bnctyguards. Te l—lassafrass’s right is a secnnd
heated seat in which sits a warm dressed in
rebes made nf nverlapping scales c-f dried
mucusite {Fecus Fecus, page ‘I?-T}. Te his left is
a bcnr; seating the cremefillian cnntanimatnr
Lluuien Crepules [page Hi}. Beet.-des and
refreshment vendnrs wander thrc-ugh the
crnwd talczing bets and selling slag clegs and
grng. The hernes may recngniae a few familiar
faces in the crewd, including Clrble, Uunrq
Schnezz|eweenei', an-:.t Finstn the Quill.
Gristle is here ten, but hes in disguise as a
slag ding vendnr, pushing a wide lidded cart
and hawking his wares. His disguise is very
gnnd, even including a fake arm, sn it will take
a I“-Jc-tice rnll at -4 tn recngniee him. Dace the
heap are settled in, read the fnllnwing:
. -.n...u_n.,;.n_..?_u_,_.q_.,_p._ _n.. _ _n.,_ ,_
The rurntile nt the crnvi'd dies tlnvv r1 tn n -.._,'l
I‘netapl'I.tn'i-_'al dull rnar as lJni.li.l_v
E i hanging L'npe—lil~;e irnm its t'1nr.‘l-; Lleclnres
; lll|t'il"i-E'l-|.1li:'l'1'.-Ii"l-'.;'lI stands up and e.-‘m'es tin‘
silence. llis linnniing vnice, tiiagititilly
5 erIlnI_:i.le.I"Inled tnrnll tn hear, spent-as thI_1sly,
1 llilssnlrass, '”'|"nu’*.'-_- heard the tales nnvv
"l"v‘ly lirnthers and sisters, ‘L-"i't‘tL'I2‘.II'l'|f.' tn the
E. 5crnppiI1' l Inlet {1.~,'nit itn'nppli1Ltse]I. t"I,"e:Iri-_*
,E;]J’d'1?'-‘Ll by the l.'iil;."5-ii!‘-i.1_"l.l Ilnnrnanrnce this
ii_ ei,-‘eniI‘1g,
niy tn‘nl'l'|ers and sisters! "fes
indeed, grn-lied tn hear n-'ItI'Iess tn a l'+nttle nt
'5 -. r -
i truly epic prnpnrtinnsl”
i'
'l'l1-.3 crntvd cheers and l‘n;'.nnts_ "‘L-"I."e have
1 ynu l._.li.'ILl|i.i:i." ll':l!~i.*ii‘Il-I'Ei'.-if-ii” yells II Ilernnle
't_.._.,..._..._ u_,__.__....,.._..._.__.__ ,,..._ .__,,._._..,.._- ._ .,-_._
"-.‘t]IiI.."l.i' frnm s+'.:111t-.'vvl1eI'e_ A cnuple ‘El
1i'l'f.‘i"1'|t?Fillli‘|I‘l.‘i wenritig i.‘l1r.-=clc.ert.'Ll clevv rags
i.r:~n.'l1ni1ge sLI rly lnnl-as as nne gives
l
I l lassi1t'I'nss"tlii.-1
"
tiird" l‘1trl1ii1i.lhisl:sicl-;_
tirnthers 3| ml sisters,” l-li1ssntmss
crnitinues, ",r"'illtii,~,' me, it ynu please, tn;
intrndm‘e the i..‘nn1l'-a|ti'It‘its lnr this!
et'eniI1g's struggle- Dr: 111_'-,' lI_.-lit," he ',
rnntinns tn his lett, where at rnnnstrnus
lienst nt rusteL'l metnl spilses and massive
1,-vnr.n.len tent i-I1ii.'1'ges irnm the tunnel
li.Jl'tLlf.-‘!]' the t'«h're1L.‘t1e1's, "I1‘1ini+'.m nt the
ili.'geI1i.lnr}.' Fe-..‘us lie.t'LIs, ynn better lTll]'lLl
j.'t.:-ur manners nr heill crush ynn tn dust
—Stun1p—I.i—sn1‘e—assl" 'l_he i.'rr.'n,vi.t erupts in
jt;‘lH.‘ers, as Ft-rt‘t1s l~'I_-tt‘1_Js, a shnrt ivernt in
l glittering rnties v-,-‘in-‘es irnrn ll sent" nest in
l
llnssat'rn_ss. Fitnrnp—n—snre—nss stnrnps its
vray tn the center ni the lrield bein re tat-:.i1‘tg
r
n Llei.-“rp l1-nw, his 11‘tan_v spil-:.e.s gtitiging t.lI'.i-t‘]." ,
m.-.
l ruts intn
the l'uiri.l—pnt'l-.'.etl dirt. _="I. t‘1m‘n1er
l "'l'l1-_-?t_'l1i'.ippi:‘Lg lilmsl»; is Cir.uii.l Fats."
t "rimtl nn my right" cnntinues lJ'£n_li.l_i.-'
hear the walls, i."rea1te.cl tn’ the 1‘|ntnrinus l—it—*"'I-—-‘FT
Llunlnn Crepulns, all the way tnini nne nl
"'I-"-
i l_luulnn's secret hidden lnirs, the 11u.*unest l
1 rnininn this side nit l‘-Jew '|CTlti:'li.|udI', put
-1-i
jirnur hnruls tngether lnr Lluuly
t'_"1's.*pstl‘Irulll" liiitergitig irnrn the tunnel
nppnsite E-tn:np—::—snre—nss is a 1'a111sliev.'l-r.l£.‘
_.— -«._ —. -—._
"1-j 1- -1'-r
creatinn nut rust nrul iilth. lt stluisiks in'ul L
sl1nn‘1l'rles its tvn_y tn the center nii the ring, —ZI
dripping steamiing mucl-; as it luilitiles
[ nhitig. l"I.-'l1eI‘t it gets tn the v."e1‘Lte1‘ ni the Field
it raises nne gigantic :‘lrI'l'l, 1.-vliicli is t+'.'ipp4.":.l
try at vviclsecl axe hlutlr.-1, and begins tn swing l
, it in it 'ivi-_le i.Ti1‘t'le, liypitig the wine-.'tl tn ever I
1‘1‘un'e nlmcn~'.inus levels ni hnllering
l nppli‘lL|se_ |
The tvvn niininns turn tn l*'nt‘e I.--ar.‘l1 nlher
as li.:ii'ILlLi_'I..-' llassnirass calls tit:-rth, "lily
l‘-rntliers uiul sisters, let us lhegin this i
i
a-j.u.-u.,_n :.n,.n
i'tn—hnli.ls—l’“-a:'rei_l, ti 1;l1t—tn—the—tlentl1, vrin—i
ner—ta1l-;e—:1ll, enntn:1irnntTnnie Inininn battle l
.
.5:
i..=:~;tra1't-'agnt1;-nil" l le lmtigs his iist tin snme
snrt nt gt:-ng nr stm1etl'Iing and the. inininns l
.1.n. n.
i
1_.-.
tn light-.- .I
Begin
---.—-.—-.-—--—- -1- - --.—.-.I
The minic-ns are relatively equally
matched, with Uuuly {pg ldl} hurling rnclts
as Stump-n-sc-re-ass {pg 141] clnses in lnr
scume stumping. The battle lasts fur quite a
while, with nn clear advantage held by either
cnmbatant. Eventually, in a dramatic display
ui pnwer, Lluuly will lift Stem]:--n-snre-ass cuff
the grnund and hurl him intcu the crnwd. A
massive panic ensues as the crnwd runs [er
the exits and Lluuty begins tn wade thrnugh
them, chnpping pec-ple dnwn with his axe
and hurting rc-clts at fleeing patrcuns.
lt the heap believed f.3ristle’s stnry earlier,
and mnve in take nut Hassatrass’s guards,
Lluuly will ignnre them. Dtliervvise he has
been instructed tn lcill the heap, SCI he mnves
straight tc-r them, mnwing dcrwn anyc-ne in
his way. During the cnnfusinn, Uuulnn casts
an Dllscurc spell arc-und I-lassafrass as Gristle
mnves in in snatch him away. Gristle will
ltnuck Hassafrass uncnnsciuus and bundle
a type. i't"s just him being weird.-

him inte his sleg deg cart, then try te slip
away unneticed. Lluulen will try te kill Fecus
Fecus [because Uuulen is a bad guy} and then
inhale a reek [F|y, Te FF} that he has hidden
beneath his seat and fly away. lf the heap is
having tee much treuble fighting Uuuly, give
them seme help frem Stemp—e—sere—ass.
i-lepefully the heap will figure eut what is
geing en. lt takes a l'~letice rell at -2 te netice
the sleg deg vender is new Inissing an arln
and is relling his cart eut amidst the threnging
crewd.
if Gristle makes it eut ef the Scrappin’ Hele
[it takes ten reunds fer him te make his way
threugh the crewd after nabbing Hassafrass}
he has as geed as escaped [unless the heap
pested peeple eutside}. He will take the
preacher te his besses, cellect his reward and
ge abeut his ewn business. If the heap catch
him inside the Scrappin' Hele he will fight
them until he takes a weund and then try te
Flee. If they manage te save Hassafrass, give
each ef them a benny. Make sure they den't
kill Lluulen at this time, but killing Gristle is
fine.
Reselutien
if Hassafrass was kidnapped, the heap will
find him the next day, alive and well. He
thanks them fer the effert and tells them he
was taken ter a darkened mum and questiened
abeut Feaale and the Frimerdial Seup
I‘-'.itchen. He was beaten but didn’t have
anything te tell them se they blindfelded him
and let him ge. They alse stele the necklace
that he always wears, a Heemanrace artifact
[a rubber chicken keychain en a bungee cerd),
that was a gift frem Feaale.
If the herees rescued Hassafrass he will
reward them all with a big feast the next day
in the field where they had Feaale's funeral.
EveI'yene’s faverite feed will be served and he
gives them a gift basket with 2t]'fl clams, a bag
ef "til circuspi nuts, an enchanted clebbering
stick [Sir +2, +1 Fighting}, and a chunk ef
Meenular cheese.
‘What's Next;
Bring Me the Ass ef Germinee the Geesedl
The Dernentienal Discetesticus plans ‘te rulefitihh we rld by opening a..bI:ag1rli""et the Gre'y';'_%_t_rfE'r'*TSee1atE'ritirn.i_n _ever'y_ -‘city en
-r.
*.=:e at -..'
- - '- -..1.-
Give Me Back My Heat, ‘feu Crazy Bastards!
Greetings Dith Creature, May I take ‘reur
Clrder
l-lew Much is That Sieggy in the Windcn-..'
The Iteet Beer ei All Evil
The Secret ingredient is Leve
G..reet,ié
Qt gin; C.I3eat1ure..
lfeur Geese’?
The E:-ementienal Disce-
testicus ask the heap te
deliver varieus packages as
they travel the Clitlt. This
adventure sheuld be played
aleng side any ethers, sert ef
in the backgreund as the heap wander abeut
the werld. It begins in Fleem, at The Grey
Matter liieeaateri um. ..
The packages are aclclressecl te:
The Grey Matter Beezaterium His Mighiiness Lerd Barrelsmasher Hang-
The heap are enjeying a fine meat at the nail, Fre p1'ieter ef The Bar Keep in Ageg City.
Grey Matter Erieeateriu m. At seme peint Magnanimeus Grape, Master ef The Split
during their meal, a chubby eefe wearing Hair‘ in Deep.
stained kitchen duds asks if he may jein them Den Sushieka Twinkugewa, Bess ef The
fer a mement, as he has a business prepesal Fm'r—C.l—Dt'ce in Teast.
fer them. If they agree, read this: Asparagebster Fremage, Clwner ef The
_n. aaj-3.-. a_
'
I-.n_-i.n.n._.j1.1-ca-n_-u. ..n_n_ .1. 1
an!
Checsfest‘ Leech in Maankaas.
i The blue skinned eefe waves his hand
Sir er Madame the Head Cltef ef Lfrider the
lsubtly as he sits. A small weeden bes _
Shift in New Cierlqtiar.
, descends slcnvly frem the ceiling, gently
cnming te rest en yeur table. "fxreetings,
Ditli creatures, werd ef yeur recent deeds lmzeae will net divulge the centents te the
has traveled far and wide. is-'lj.' neggin has heap, saying enly that they are gifts, and tells
seen that yeu will yc-urselves be seen them the deal is eff if they epen them
traveling as well." Ills lips de net meve -. themselves. lf the heap agree te his terms, he
cemps their meal and wishes them luck.
|.
and it seems as if he is speaking with yeur
veice. "I wencler if I might treuble _veu te
&—--I_
deliver a few packages aleng the way:""' Reselutien
-I-j
in
The eefe unties the ribben that binds the {Since all ef the beses are delivered and te iii I
weeden bcnr. Lifting the lid he remeves five heap return te Fleem, lmzeze thanks them Te
""" -u-- . '
.smali metal cases, each ene bearing a their service and gives them each a veucher
parchment label and sealed with wa:~;. fer a free meal at any branch ef The Grey
1 '”t’eLr will be rewarded handsemely upen Matter Eeeaaterium [ifilesv in Ftgeg City,
iyeur return, but yet: must never epen
-1jiI—\.- 1—j*\l-I_|.J—l
Teast, lvlaankaas, and l'-few Clerlquar]. See, the_
these lvases, fer the cen tents within are he
-I-I
r
packages were mind centre! devices that
l = seen enlv bv the recipient."
I‘
IE
-I— planted a suggestien in the recipents' minds,-
I—.._....-—-._.--__.-__...-..-__.—_-_—...—-.—.t-is ._.....-——._. .._.—......_.—.-..-
-\.|.I-
implering them te change their restaurani:-..
if asked what reward they will receive, the inte Grey Matter Beeaaterium fra nchizes. .'
eefe, naming himself lmaeae l-ireep [page {Since the heap return te the Grey Matter
Hfl}, will say enly that he has knewledge he Beezaierium, and they have cellected all ef
wishes te share. The b-eires each centain a the pieces te the Prisekian Staff {as detailed in
small stene figurine ef the persen te whem further adventures}, run the Savage Tale A
they are addressed. The statues have been Perriirrfhl and Errigrmriic Secret‘ cf the thrieerse.
enchanted by pewerful dementalists. Dnce
the recipient accepts them as gifts, that persen Whafs Next
will be gradually everceme by an urge te
change his er her eating establishment inte a
Any Savage Tale can run cencurrently.
Play A F'eree:j,fhf emf Enigrmrffc Secret ef the‘ _ '
branch ef the Grey Matter Eneeaaterium, thus l.hrfecrsc ence this Tale is cempleted.
spreading the influence ei the Dementienal
Discntesticus.
""'¢' '1.
Di‘th.‘9-
J-
4.-
-h‘ '_., 'I''
-_|--'
--.'.- -
- '.
.,r.
-5.
‘_
-Hr‘
.-I‘
'-L. ' . " .r ""3

,:
that Slseggy
til
.-—-J--l-.-u;
... -u---1 --1——- -u-—u—
A pygmy sleg, purchased by a wealthy
creach as a gift fer his sen's first melting
party, is rapidly grewing te enerineus siee.
Can the herees selve the mystery and 1'esh1'ink
the sleg befere it's tee late? Ptltlteuglt this is
net a Flet Feint adventu1'e, it is recemmended
at yeu play it befere running f3itrt= fvle Earl;
My Beet, Tet: Crazy finstmrfsl
The scene is set en the streets ef Fleem,
‘directly in frent ef Yerpeez the Sleem’s
Ride-thru Pet Stere and Barber Shep. ..
l I-‘ts yeu make ynur way tl1rnugl1 the l
inding tl1t'}rt'1Ltgl‘ifares nf Flnt:-rn, dndging l
the city's evt'r—p|‘ese1tt in festatinn ef street j
venders and perfet-n'tance artists. a leudi
5l'tt1LItcatt'l'u-as ytntr attentien. l purchases a haircut er a pet ef seine sert_ if
“I den’t give a l':erle's ttuttclieeks abnut a
refund! 'l'l'u' gnnsi|‘1' thing's already fatter l
than my Lvifeis Inetln.-I‘ and it's getting l
bigger as we stancl l'tt."l'I'.‘ arguing! Wlteit I
i with a picture ef an axe en it. A Cemrnen
beught the danged thing yet: teld me it was 1
ii gensin’ pyglrty sleg- l.r*I."L'll, if it's a gtrtisiif
pygmy slug_ then |’m the get:-sin’ l
Gubernater nf Ewg!" Pt well dI'e.ssei.l, but _i
dbvieusly pissed eff, creach is arguing with
-it squat green enfn under the arch nf il-
nearby alleytv'£ty- Pl. brightly t‘.nlt':-ru_-rd sign
Llt:1I'iglir'tg frttnt the ansh declares '""I’t:rrp-:'.n.r.}t.
the Sleeins l~lide—tl1rLi llet tilt:-re and tiarber
filtep."
The t}t'tft‘.r netls his l‘iLilltnI_:s ltead |.rat‘k and .
ft}1‘tl1 frantit‘ally fer a feiv sev.‘eI'1ds, then
turns and walks briskly away frem the '
I-e--|-I '---I-l.—.r~——.-I-II--u--—'-I-—--—I ---—j----—-—
Hep-efully the heap will be curieus eneugh
te ask what's up. If they den't, have the
creach, a wealthy peddlemeister named
Hurmin, appreach them and ask fer their
help. He tells them that yesterday he beught a
pygmy sleg frem "r‘e1'peze te give te his sen
Eermamel as a gift fer his first melting.
Everything seemed nermal until a few heu1's
1-I H-
after the party ended. The sleg began te grew
Iflffierttremely rapidly. A11 heur er se age it was
thrice its eriginal size and eating everything in
sight. If it centinues te grew at its cu1'rent rate,
Hurmin fea1's it will be la1'ger than his heuse
by merning. ‘ferpeza refused te de anything
-2
sabeut it, claiming that it's net his preblem. He
effers te reward the heap if they will help him
selve the preblem witheut hurting the sleg.
_ .-I"
!,r:"The Heuse ef Hurmie
The heap may cheese te investigate the sleg
firsthand by visiting Hurmin’s tewnheuse,
-which is built en a hillside everleeking the city.
The heuse is a la1'ge structure with beautifully
‘
_ sculpted stene walls and deerways. By
questiening Hurmin, his sen, and his servants
the heap may learn the fellewing:
_. There are
9*
_ ____ .j‘ '. _ .
cf.-
-fl: H unnin breught
yesterday merning.
‘ill: The melting day party was yesterday
a fterneen.
4: The sleg began te grew after it ate seme
melting day cake.
1%: The cake was baked by Hurmin’s
persenal chef, a near—sighted bedul named
-———-—u- -n'
"v'imm whe censtantly squinls an-:.l rubs his
t|1ree eyes.
1?: ‘v'imm did net use any strange
ingredients in the cake, except fer seme dried
fungus that he beug|1t_frnm a large—nesed
bedul near The Freth. if the heap investigate
this lead, they may find an erange cleak
weighted with recks subrnergecl in The Freth
{Netiee -2}. A huge fake nese is sewn ente the
frent ef the cleak and traces ef herc slime can
be feund inside.
‘ferpeze the Sleem
The heap may alse cheese te questien
"r'erpeaa the Sleem {standard eefe}. He is net
very talkative unless semeene in the heap
appeased, he tells them that the sleg was
breught te him just twe days age by a greup
ef herc adventurers. He remembers that ene
ef the hercs was wearing a chili—stained bib
Knewiedge rell will reveal the bib as the sert
given te custemers at The Chepping Eleck_
The Chepping Eleek
If the heap ge te The Chepping E-leek, read
er paraphrase the fellewing:
F... ‘ ......_. ..._..-..............._.
..-:..._
t This place is awfully
. l' censidering hew difficult is was te find. ._
The bare stene walls and fleers are
splattered with varieus unidentified stains
and the patrens are re udy and ebnersieus.
The everpewering stnells ef chili, beer, and .
vemit assault yeur nestrils and the seunds
yet" drunken singing and fisllcuffs fill thel
i air.
"1-*v'|iat the crap de _veu want?" asks a
strange beid-headed creature as its
suckered tentacles ladle steatning chili inte
l an array ef bewls scattered acress the
; stained stene bar tep.
L..-- ..._.._._..._ .__....... ._._......._._...
The creature is a tien’t named Deerq
Scneealeweener [page 'l3T’]I. chef and ewner ef
The Chepping Bleck. tiis m-anner is gruff, but
he is relatively henest and likes te please his
custemers, many ef whem are hepelessly
addicted te his delicieus chili. if asked abeut
the hercs, he says a greup ef five usually
cemes in every day areund sunset.
-
ever sis_ty_diffg_re"nt v_arie1:ies
'
£25:-.f'_ ,
— r-- r.-. --.-r._=- .—."==.;-.=.=-gr:--;_
the sleg heme The chili is indeed delicieus, yet semehew
despicahly feul as well, sert ef like theres a
party in yeur meuth and everyene crapped
en the ingredients
fleer. The are
unfathemable and Deerq wen’t say whats in
it. A bewl can be had fer five clams. r-‘tnyene
whe eats the chili must make a Spirit rell a
day later er beceme addicted. an addicted
character develeps the Junkie Edge. l-Ie may
make a Spirit rell after ten days witheut chili
{and each day thereafter} in erder te break the
addictien.
The hercs will eventually shew up, leeking
disgruntled and angry. They sheve their way
re the bar and grab a bewl ef chili and a mug
ef beer befere usurp-ing a table frem seme
sleeping werms.
If appreached the hercs are belligerent and
mean. They claim te knew nething ef the sleg
er l—lurmin and his sen. Di ceurse they are
lying. They are grumpy and will fight if
preveked. If they are beaten they will cenfess
te staging the whele episede in erder te be
herees and rescue the wealthy merchant's
family frem the killer sleg, thereby gaining a
reward and casing the mansien fer a future
rebbery. They used a strange magical fungus
that they feend grewing near a waterfall en
the edge ef the ltieister and an actual giant
sleg they captured in the wilderness. They
will effer te guide the heap re the waterfall
and the fungus fer a neminal fee {Slit} clams}.
if paid, the hercs will lead the heap re the
fungus and then attempt te kill them and
steal their valuables. It may be pessible te
intimidate er bribe the hercs inte drawing a
map instead.
crevvded. Hercs {standard} {5}{pg 135}: The hercs are
all armed with meat cleavers [E-tr +2. a1='+t}
that they have hidden in their gullets- Each ene
has a peach with '1tIld'ltl clams alse in his gullet.
Cine ef the hercs has swallewed a jar
centaining ene dese ef reductemess {see the
next page].
l
The ‘Waterfall
Several big yerts eutside ef Fleem, hidden
ameng a vast tumble ef beulders and
l gelatineus scrub fungi is a narrew waterfall
l
fed by a tiny tributary ef the River Sneeae.
l The waterfall cascades swiftly ever the edge
ef the Keister ef Gawd, disappearing inte the
mists belew. Grewing ameng the beulders.
just small yerts frem the edge ef the Keister
are a few clusters ef strange black fungus.
any ene attempting te scrape the fungus frem
the slippery recks must make an Agility rell
er fall ever the edge [see belew}. If the hercs
are still areund they will take this epper—
tu nity re attack the heap. trying te threw them
ever the edge.
at
a-
r-+-:=-' ass
I. _. .
'l.-'
N
l- -.-..
' -=' . ._:.-r--_.. "
-- T" "":h="'-...-L . ..
ef sleg threugheut the ‘world.

‘J g-
Falling flver the Edge: This sectinn nf the
Keister is tricky and crumbled, but nnt
perfectly vertical. anynne whn falls nr is
thrnwn ever the edge may make an Agility
rnll in nrder tn find a hnld nf snme snrt nn the
way dnwn. A falling character may attempt
this rnll every rnund until it is successful. Fer
each rnund that passes befnre the Agility rnll
succeeds the character takes ldti pnints nf
damage frnm the fall. Each rnund spent
falling requires a Climbing rnli at -2 tn return
tn the tnp. Failure means a further fall subject
tn these same terms.
Reductnmnss: any cremefillian nr related
nrganism [slng. ndre, etc...) that eats this black
fungus will begin tn shrink rapidly, halving in
size every rnund until it is ‘lfcr-4 nf its net-mat
size. This reduces a standard cremefillian tn abnut
half a yn1't tall and makes a giant sing the size nf a
pygmy sing. The effect can he reversed by serving
a secnnd dnse nf the substance in an already
reduced nrganism at least nne ltnur after the
initial dnse. The stnnes cnntain ennugh
reductnmnss fnr ten dnses. Eight dnses are
required tn shrink a giant slng. The effect wears
nff naturally in a number nf days equal tn the
affected creature's "v'ignr die. Reductnmnss has nn
effect nn nnn-crelnefillian creatures.
The Giant Slag
By the time the heap arrive back at Hurmin’s
mansinn, the slng has grnwn tn truly gargantuan
size. It trashed his gardens and cnurtyards and is
currently crawling acrnss the rnnf nf his hnme,
trying tn get at a grnup nf servants hiding behind
a chimney. Hurmin insists that they nnt kill it,
since his snn has fallen in lnve with his new pet.
He alsn feels that it is his respnnsibility tn keep it
safe, since he brnught it intn his hnme and he is a
decent snrt nf fellnw.
The best snlutinn is In get“ the slag tn snmehnw
eat a large ennugh dnse nf the reductnmnss tn
shrink it back tn manageable size {eight dnses}.
This can be accnmplished in many ways, but be
sure tn reward the heap member whn cnmes up
with the best idea with a benny.
Giant Slng (pg 33]: The slng is hungry and
mad, but if left alnne fer a few hnurs it will crawl
nntn the rnnf nf the mansinn and fall asleep.
Resnlutinn
Glnce the slng is reduced, Hu1'min asks the
heap tn escnrt it nut intn the wilderness, far away
frnm Flnnm. If they refuse he will hire annther
grnup tn dn it. He rewards them each with lflfl
clams [EBB if they remnve the slug tn the
wilderness}. a set nf snazzy clnthing, and a ticket
tn nest Wensday night's perfnrmance nf Curse cf
the Biie Blisters at the Reekbnttle Theater.
What's Next
Bring Me the Ass nf Gnrminee the Gnnsedl
Give lvle Back My Beat, ‘(nu Crazy Bastards!
Greetings Grith Creature, lvlay l take "t’nur Glrder
The Rant Beer nf All Evil
The Secret ingredient is Lnve
The teat beer at The Frc_1:__l_'i is ._a_g's”fi‘”e:ia| blend deve|ape__dy*""the lie istbsm 'g_-tid':'s gct'fs_[rtance_I;s_d_e'cades age.
—-—
-4-
sf all
in this tale the heap must
fnil the sinister plnt nf an evil
cnntanimatnr. Lluulnn Crep-
ulns has pnisnned The Frnth
with a taut essence derived
frnm kanker slime. He plans
tn harvest the fnul fruits nf his labnr and use
them tn enchant a cnntanimatrcrnic mininn nf
epic scale. This Tale may be run befnre nr after
l.lltimttfc i"vlim'eu Figlrii Hg Cheitips, but be aware
events that nccur in nne may effect the nther.
The Preacher
The stnry begins as the heap is making its
way thrnugh the city nf Flnnm. A crnwd has
gathered near a wildly gesticulating b-ndul in
yellnw rnbes. fits they apprnach, the heap will
recngnize him as Daddy Hassafrass. He is
preaching the Hnnmanitarian gnspel tn a
large grnup nf assnrted citizens.
I....___.__...
_. ._--._...-..—.._...- - c-..__.__.
" successful F'ersuasinn rc:-ll at -2}. All the"' ,_
, Let me tell ynu stuttetltilig, m_v hrc.1tl1er_'._i
I '
and sisters- "fruit has grits tn he Llnvv|‘1 vvitli
the llt'iun‘1anrnce_ If that's a crime, rip ti-ff
my tees .':tI"tt.'l call me a pickletl slug nugget! ,-
Cttli I get [.1 ht.in—r1‘u1I‘t.7"' 'l_l1e pret‘n.'l1e1'
a-
gritt'inr.‘es t‘ntune|'1tarily, his eyes sqI_1inl:iI‘1g
tiglttly shut- I le l't‘ikes a sip frnm a mug til '
—_n—:—
rnnt beer then t.‘e-ritinues his serrntut, his
‘vnice grt:-aI‘1iI'ig as if in pain-
-.n_-.n-. i-
""I"es iI‘1elee+.l, cu;-t ynu see, my hrtithers
I
-n_u—-
and sisters, the llt:inI1'u‘iI‘irt-1i_‘t'- ain’t never
—
cl-.u‘1e nul‘:ni.l_y nu 'I.vrting_ It ain't I‘1t:'ver
stttrtetl I'in wars and it niift never —til‘1
crap!" l-lnssafrnss tlnul:iles river in pain,
tlrnpping his staff and mug tr: i.:lulcl‘1 at his
belly in-'ith all tliree arrns- i"'t ltiuti, e:-:tre:1‘1i.-*lji.'
rude, ftmt'—stLn?k—in—l'l*te—t‘nutl nt:-ise issues
frnm beneath his rnhes, t‘1t'i.‘ti:‘1*|pt‘tI"ti:_*i.l
setinrtels later by |.'1 stench rnnre rnI‘tt‘itl than
—-i_n -_:—ui —u:n_. -n—ui_
anynne tl‘teiugl'tt pt:-ssible. I lassnfrnss
a-
quickly ltthps tltnvlt I'rtu'n his pulpit tn sq unt
nl‘:tn.-'e it sewer grate. I lis fare sltnvly fatltrs
' ' _ T '
' tn the. hr1gl‘1tt
trurrt the. I._I'1i'11‘-ii.2II"t ntit‘igt:-In .= r
. n_1- n_i-. i:1—i_—-I.
l'|i"t.l [if ett‘il‘tt:rrasst‘t1i_=I‘1 l as he relieves
himself ntiisily intn the gutter-
."-'tll is sl‘tnekt"tl silence fur a rnI_:-tnent,
until a 1-it"L‘t}I'II._i t1gnIti.’.teel grunt cniiies l't!'1'.ti1"t
stnnevcltere in the c|'t:-vi.-‘t_l. Witltitt seennds a
. i_ln.'.teI1 pt-triple are tlnuhletl event‘ in pain,
errIptj.*iI‘1g their htwvels intn the sevvers_
5 tnday.
I.-.--i_-Ii—__-.. -...—-u -u.- --i.—.....- —-.-..
Let the heap react in any way they wish. If
anynne had rnnt beer frnm the Frnth this
mnrning, he must make a lvlignr rnll nr he
nvercnme with ezplnsive diarrhea as well.
After a few mnments the pain subsides and
the bellies calm. if they ask arnund they find
that everynne with eitplnsive diarrhea drank
frnm The Frnth that mnrning. Daddy
Hassafrass is certain that the Delicinus
Creme-Fil led Center nf All is nut tn get him.
and the nther pnisnnings are just incidental.
He prnmises tn reward them if they will snlve
..
_
1.
* '
' ,,
a- -.
r
-
-
I'-I"' .,L
-
.- ItI"— ''-_.-F-_- -51-‘, .-."
i".'
the mystery.
as the heap mnve abeut the city, it becc-mes
nbvinus that similar incidents have been
nccurring all mnrning thrnughnut Flnnm. The
nnly cnmmnn link between victims being a_ --
'
breakfast rent beer frnm The Frnth. They may
think tn gn in The Frnth tn check nut t_he
situatinn, but it has been clnsed nff and__.__-*"
J"
surrnunded by hninks and guards nn the
'
enter nf the iteisternteister. rt. tiny little werm nu!‘
with a bnnming vnice threatens tn arrest
anynne whn tries tn get clnse.
Guards dz: Hninks {standard crnaches and
warms} {Cl filfpg 136}: The guards are all armed
with spears {Str +2) and slingshnts {Str +1], .. -
1...
they attempt tn arrest anynne whn gets tn-ct
ctnse tn The Frnth.
it
._ P
If they came back after dark, the heap will
find that there are nnly eight guards pasted
and the feuntains have been shut eff and
drained. A faintly glnwing residue clings tn
many nf the pipes and basins. ii. cnuple nf
wisenheimers {standard werms, Smarts d12]
sent by the Keistermeister, are study'tng the": .__g‘
fnuntain, but they will nnt talk tn the heap...
withnut persuasinn [bribe at Etltl clams
at
.
wisenheimers have determined sn far is that
{-
1!
the ginwing residue, which they have
identified as kanker drnnl, seems hi be the
cause nf the illness.
The Sewers
The sewers beneath Ftncen are expansive
and tabrynthine. hiarrnw tributaries nf
: Ftiver Snnnze wind thrnugh great tunnels nf
I
stnne beneath the city, carrying waste and '
i
rain water alnng narrcnv tunnels befnre
i eventually spilling everything intn subter-
ranean stuiceways that spill intn the iteister nf ,,.- "
Il Eawd. varir:-us creatures make their hnmes in
_ -i
the sewers, including many nf the city's
l
I
cnntanimatnrs.
Walking thrnugh the city streets at night‘,
I nne nf the heap nntices a faint glnw emanating
il frnm beneath a sewer grate- rt. taint scraping ,
i
snund can be heard frnm within the se -""-“-= - -
belnw_ if they cheese in investigate, they will
l find that the sewer grate is stuck in place,
I requiring a Strength rnll at -2 tn remnve. A
vertical shaft drnps Etl feet tn the sewer tunneI_
belnw, the walls ni which are cnvered in algae
l and dimly glnwing muck [-2 tn Climbing‘
rnlls}. The glnwing filth is cnntaminated fec
l
t
frnm thnse whn drank nf The Frnth earlier ."
The tunnel belnvv is a hnriznntal cylinder
a-- -..p -u--...—i.-'-i.-_-..-I
about ‘I5 feet acrnss. it winds and meanders
fnr quite El distance in lflflth directinns. TWO
'
kankers, servants nf Liuulnn, are at wnrk--c-J5"
gathering the cnntaminated pnn intn baskets
strapped te their backs- They drip with
luminnus ichnr and will squirt acidic gun at_
anynne whn tries in climb dawn the shaft. .
I-tanker [2]{pg S1]: The kankers begin battle
by squirting acidic gnu then clnsing in tn
-I
crush with their bedies er smack with their
claws. Each has a basket en its back parfialg, ..
es-
.
-I-1..
—b- i-
'I'
.n.n.l'
- __ - - __
'.'_.-. _i-
 filled with glewing pee. They use tiny
sandbee shevels ta scrape the filth frem the
walls.
The kankers leave a faint trail ef glewing
'filth where-ver they ge. Wit|1 a successful
Tracking rell, the heap can trace their trail
threugh several miles ef winding sewers back
te Lleu|en's lair. .=*tleng the way, they have a
Ellfiia chance ef enceuntering twe mere
kaekers. alse cellecting glewing pee beneath
a sewer grate.
Uuulerfs Lair
._ Ittryway
Fellewing the lumineus trail ef the kankers.
the heap finally emerge inte the vestibule efa
wide circular chamber abeut St] feet acress.
The entire reem is fleeded with feel water,
except fer a small prernentery ef stene teward
the back wall. r"t thick iren deer is set inte the
wall ab-eve t|1e prementery and feur spherical
_
‘as
Téblebs {wankers} stand guard in frent ef it.
Next te the deer is a tarnished cepper bell
{l‘~letice —2 re netice].
Lashed te a pest near the deer is a small
rewbeat made ef retten pl-anl-cs and cevered in
mildew. The water is abeut ‘I ll feet deep and is
lteree te an all:-ine brecedile.
Centanimant, wanker [4]:[pg T3]: The
wankers are guarding the deervvay. If they
spet the heap, three ef them will attack by
tltrewing muck [medium range} while the
feerth tries te ring the alarm bell. Cine ef them
[the bell ringer} has a big ass key in its hand. It
will try te drep the key in the water if the
herees get tee clese.
Brecedile {pg 'Ffi]: T|'ie brecedile will try te
eat an yene whe swims er falls in the water,
but will i gnere the rewh-e-at.
Lleulon Erepuios has many different lairs
Uuulen'a Lair
'erar.liJshep .-'
-I _
table 5 and ‘I..r~|-:
-o
in-flnlshed
1 r
'- do or ._ H.
‘T
Tfi
storefront _.f
-' .- balcony
The deer is lacked. but can he epened with
the wanker’s key. it is tee heavy te break
dewn. if the wanker rang the bell. er if the
heap make a let ef neise trying te epen the
deer. Lluuly Crepsthrall will be waiting en the
ether side with a rack in hand and aimed.
Hall
This Ieng passage ef stene and mildew is
faintly lit by lanterne filled with kanker slime.
r"t retted carpet runs the length ef the reem te
a wide staircase. The stairs ge upward far 33
feet er se befere terminating in a secend thick
metal deer {lacked}-
Liuuly Creputtu-all {pg 14]}: The n'iinieI‘I
has been instructed te kill er capture any
stranger that cemes threugh the deer. He will
fight until ciestreyed er victeriees. l-le will net
leave the reem, hewever, se the prementery
eutside is relatively safe. Lluuly carries the
key te the setfentl deer ameng the stenes in his
belly hatch. l-le can't swim and will sink te the
bettem if semehew lured er dragged inte the
entryway.
in several cities
Werkshep
This large chamber is
..r“' ’deminaied by a massive
.r ___,.-“'
J
-'
..-rdirt y statue ef steel and rust,
boat-"'
' _‘_ eater‘; bristling with spikes and
.| H
5."
rogkf ottfiepfiirg. armaments. The thing leeks
/” ..--' vaguely like a creach, but is
at least thirty times bigger
than any creach en 1'ecerd.
Feur kankers en ladders are
busily peering Iumine us filth
frem a series ef baskets inte the statues
hellew bedy. Uuelen himself levitates {via
Telekiiiesis] with his back te the deer,
rrlnren
delicately painting the unfinished minieri
with arcane symbels and mystic runes.
Flanker {4]{pg 31}: The kankers squirt
acidic gee te try te cever Lluulen’s escape.
Uuulen Crepules {pg 141}: Lluulen will
levitate te the balceny and then rain spells
dewn en the heap frem abeve. if it leeks like
he is geing te lese, he will cast Clflscerc and
Earner te make his escape threugh the shep
face abeve.
This reem is the werkshep ef l..luulen
Crepules, a vile cremefillian centanimater.
He is attempting te create a supremely
pewerful centartimatrenic minien te use in
the fights at the Scrappin' Hele ne:~:t' week. He
peisened The F reth with enchanted kanker
slime in erder te cellect the dreppings fer use
in his minien.
The werkshep is a large reem full ef
ladders and wide weeden tables. Huge rapes
and chains hang frem the ceiling, and a series
ef everlapping balcenies encircle the reem. A
single deer leads eutwarcl frem the tepmest
balceny, leading te a small empty sterefrent
that leeks eut ante The Place ef Pendering.
A thereugh search ef the werskhep will
uncever sufficient netes and diaries te reveal
Lluulen's sinister plan, a bread asse1'tment ef
teels, battles, and variees supplies, as well as
a chest centaining ififll] clams. Pt centanim-
at'er whe spends a full day reading Lluulen's
netes may gain a free Fewer el his cheice
frem the tist knewn by Lluulen.
Reselutien
if the heap declare their victery te the
werm at The Freth and then shew preef ef
Lieulen’s plat, the werm will bequeath
Lluulen’s werkshep te them. declaring it and
all its centents te b-e theirs. The lair was ence
a restaurant called The Frasier af Gettrri. as
evidenced by variees melcle1'ing menus
feuncl within.
it they happen te lind Daddy Hassafrass
and cenvince him that the plat was net
hatched by The Delicieus Creme-Filled
Center ef tell, he will give them a keister
cempass [magic device that always peints
teward the lieister ef Eawd} as a reward {if
they aiready have ene, give them a ceuple ef
healing reeks instead}.
If Liuulen escaped {he sheuld have}, the
herees have made an enemy fer life. He will
censtantly plet te destrey them. He has
and wilderness locations around the Ditlt.
 —i. .
several ether werksheps hidden threugheut
Fleem and in ether cities as well.
What's Next
firing tvle the ass ef Cierminee the Geesedl
Give Me Back My Beat, ‘feu Crazy Hastardsl
Greetings Dith Creature, May I take ‘feur
D1‘-:.ler
I-lew Much is That Sleggy in the Win-dew
The Secret Ingredient is I_eve
Llltintate tvlinien Fighting Champs
The Se
ingredient; is lP._»,.e*re
1-we-II"
q _—.'-
lllua the Cieurcl will tie anything te learn
what makes the chih at The Chepping Flleck
se pepular Eefere yeu run this Tale make
sure the heap have been in The Chepping
Bleck at serne peint previeusly, either as part
ef anether tale, er fer a meal er semething.
‘lieu ceuld play this adventure cencurrently
with ether adventures, such as Bring Me the
.«’-tss efGer.Im'net=- the {leased er Here t"r‘lttt_‘ft is That
filiigggr tn the Wintienr, if’n yeu wanna.
The Streets ef fleem
This adventure begins, as such adventures
eften de, with the heap making their way, fer
whatever purpese, threugh
streets el Fleem.
_a-u_:.-. gem-
I It's a particu|aI'ly miserable day in_l
i‘ Fleem.. r-‘t sulfur-sedden I'ain seaks yeu te '-
the bene {if yeu have benes] and great
puddles ef steaming muck splash yeur
every step. Wliy en Dith weuld yen be eut
r and sheet en a day like this? I den't knew,
l but I'm suI'e yeti have a reasen. Sakes alive,
at righteeus bewl ef chili sure weuld hit the
lprcwerbial spet right abeut new...
As if en cue, an emaciated little werm
«emerges fI'em a darkened alley, his filthy, 'I
wrinkled hide dripping with water and ;
muck, "I bet a righteeus bewl el chili weuld
hit the p1'eve1'bial spet right abeut new," he '
says hepefully, metiening
sheulder inte the alley beyend.
'l.f.ll".H'-l.'.l1"‘%.l.'1l-.'.l. a._u.--u.ju.-1--
The miserable little fellew is Illuz the
Genre [page Mil], ence Fleern’s greatest chef,
but new a clamless wretch. His clethes are
drenched and filthy and cevered with heles.
In the alley is .1 l'i.1I'l'l!'i.l't.l.t'l-\IL‘ hut n.'e.n.'eI'e:.l
in peeling er.inge paint and rented with
rntting shell" fungus. Lireat tnrrents nl
raine.-'.iter term a t'.is+.'au.ie ever the ripen
n.ln;1nrw.1_‘..-', r.1hsi'nring what lies within.
peeling sign .1tne.'e the l.l|'.'||'.'tl' el'n.'int1sl_v -:nn‘e
v.lev.'lar:.'=.l "lllur. the l.l::t.‘rt1t'l'l1r.tI‘|Ll”, but
."-it'|T'|'lL‘t'JT'll." has scratchetl nut the "inert" se
111‘-M-' it ill!-‘ll’ *+'£H.'s "li..iet1I'ct"- lhe place is tiny
and in ill repair. ii-till, it's 1_‘ll"I.' inside anti a 2
thin curl ul‘ sninke issues lrnni thel
niakesliift t'liiI1‘1ne.-y, prnniising warmth and
perhaps setiielliiltg tn fill ye-u1' belly ,
r
I.
llltll
lllu: the tieurtl
Is ene sad mete.
If the heap refuse te enter the alley, lllei:
will fellew them fer a bit, begging them
pitifully te ceme in eut et the rain and share
seme chili with him. If they still refuse, eh
well, nieve en re the next adventure er
imprevise semething.
If they decide te ge inside, they will find the
place dry eneugh, with barely eneugh reern
fer them all te stand areencl a lew, retting
weeden table. A steaming cauldren bubbles
with semething that is apparently chili, but
leeks and smells like vemit. A small pile ef
blankets in ene cerner is presumably the nest
the winding
in which Illus sleeps. rt burlap sack leeks te
held mest ef his helengings, and a few rusty
_ Ja_-.I. :._
knives and speens adern the walls amidst a
hest ef cracked hewls and utensils. The place
is very peer and dilapidated. Characters may
netice {hletice -2} that lllue wears shees that
are entirely eut ef character with the rest ef his
preperty, being very finely made and aderned
with rhlnestenes and metal shnls.
lllue will serve them seme ef the nasty chili,
which tastes as bad as it leeks. There's
nething peiseneus about it er anything, it's
just vile. Chice he ebserves their reactiens te
the herricl stuff, he leeks at the t"leer and says
sadly:
u-.—.r -.—u.i-u.-— J—l.
" "I used tn be the greatest clief in I-ilerent,-ii
ever his I
' lyeu knevvi" l had the rnani clams and the
1
-i_.___ua.n-_n.....—.r n_-_-_n..u...n.._n__
I
In sI1ti.'.c;t.it-‘st tiuels- lilucles use-cl tn travel fnr _
clays tn get a taste eI' my grub. l'-."i:-In.-',
e'verylhiI'1g l ceek turns nut as the same
a linrrihle sludge. Well, dig in, it's the best l
"
it can nffer.
It the heap ask him what happened, he tells
i
them it is all the fault ef "that sinister Deerq
Sneealeweener”. Ever since the Chepping
[sleek epened a few years age tllue hasn't
been able te ceek a thing werth eating.
-—u-r-a.,_.a.—u..—i.r I:-u.n_n--i.
"lilack in tl‘1e1.iay," he says, "I was an
errngant little guy. l't-l_v lanie hacl n‘1ai.le me
( that wa_v. W hen the ti;t.n’teper1e».l his digs,
l had the I‘1uggets tn l'ractmnutli his tmielets,
5' which is what he made betnre he. turned tn .»
chili- I was just jeale-us, that"s all, but
[I E-it!l'l‘|t-?I'lt}‘i’v' l get -_‘ursecl all the same- "the I’
[day after I speete-..l the gala my skills ;
‘ill--—IlI-III-III--"sl-.l—'I|-II-I-in---I
‘the Eeercl lear._rifii"ii' giggity gigging
4..
H _., r 'I'
t deserted me. I lest my restaurant,
Feaster nf t3-awd, and I ferget all my
recipes- lt 'e.-‘asr1’t leng b-etnre l was living in
I
ythis shack and peclclling crud tn anyene
I desperate eneugh tn taste it- live Lleclicate~t'l.
rny life tn liincling e nt what’s in that
1 an1a.'cing chili nf lilenn_]’s, bL|t se far I
”
l‘1a'ven’t fnuntl a clue- lle leeks up at yen
pitifully, "E-ay, ynu weI_1lcln't ivant tn l‘lI.‘-.'l]:1
eut 'wI_:-ulu_l yen?"
Ll'1"tI.-_' -_--u_n—u._. - n... -n...._.—
lf die herees seem interested, he digs
threugh his burlap sack, tessing aside a large?’
butterfly net, and lays what appears te be a-
sheet ef paper en the table.
"'l'his rnap," says he, placing the stained
and wrinkleu_l parchrnent en the table —_
!
befere yeu, "directs the t'1‘avI_-‘.-ler tn a cepse
ef nu:-ss nnt far frnn1 the f_iarLl=..=.n nut
Enrnelleniental |f_ilee. In this cepse is a cave
and in this cave is a pnrnl. l-egenLl says that
a hreth made lrem the waters ef this pend
has the pt:-'e.-‘er’ tn restere Inst nienuiries t‘Il'It'l
unlearnetl knewleclges. l’d gn myself, bttli
["111 a craven little guy and the |'nap says
I
there are guardians- I have little te effer fer
ynur su.=.rvice, but i premise tn rewa1'u.‘l yeu‘ ii
tlinusaiulfnlcl vel'ten I am 1‘este1‘eu_l tn 1‘t'ty"
tertiiet‘ glnry-" l le leeks up at yeu
t liepefully. "'1-‘tiliat Lltl yeu say? ‘I.-"I.-'ill yeu gel:
me the jl.1tt't.‘ii”
I -—-I- -'I-'s-'-.|--s--——.-'I—-—- I--.—----ur -'I:- -——'I-
If they refuse, he will start crying and acting
even mere pitiful, begging and pleading with
them. If they agree, he thanks them prefusely,
packs them each a bewl ef feul chili and sends
them en their way. Eefere they leave he
rummages threugh his sack ence me ,-
remeving a cerked bettle made ef beaten
'
metal. ‘”t’eI.1 can use diis flask te held the
water, but clen't epen it until yen get there."
Elf ceurse, [line is trying te trick them. The
real reasen he wants them te ge te the cave is
se they can kill the guardians and disarm the
traps. He plans te fellew behind and claim the
treasure ef the cave [which is actually the
prisen ef a gawd; read en...} after they are
dead. The bettle he gave them is actually a
reek that will ezsplede when epened {E _f _
.--_-__—.:_n. large burst template, 3dEr damage}.
a-.o-u.a—i.a-1:-..a---u.-.---Z-.—-.-i_-_-u—i.:-u_n.I
n
MK‘
_n_
lllu:’s crappy mp lturned sideways far as gene Nlfiil. ""
'
' .. ‘H-""'.
asittlt-'li"ebl:y back". at "'I!.‘li"Z w a st-it-aim" nus. _
- ‘I
‘PI.
-u-
__
 -\_ -gl':"‘.‘.'.-
"I_ . .1.

--1
- ' -4!-
'n..%
"’ This Chopping Block The crack is the entrance to the cave and the (not the key}, a small key made of pink
The heap may decide to go to The statue is a guardian headstone that likes to crystal, a thick leather glove {left hand, three
Chopping Block to question or alert [lroorq hang out here and prey“ on the scary ass fingers}, a dented metal breastpl-ate adorned
Snozzleweener. if they do, they will find it muthas and whatever religious fanatics come with lighning bolts and "t"s {decent armor,
much as they did last time they visited. The to visit the hidden shrine within. any sounds torso +2).
Tflrtly change being the recent addition of two of fighting will alert the scary ass muthas in
dozen stuffed giggities tnounted on the wall. area It.
13. Tunnel of Love (if you love traps}
Several of them have long beaks like Doorq. This narrow tunnel inclines slightly
_Dne has tentacles instead of arms, and another Headstone {pg 31]: The headstone will try
downward, winding around a corner to end
gr="‘- has a big ass rump and a p1'ehensile tail. to crush anyone who comes near it.
at a carved stone wall set with a thick wooden
"I've been collecting them for months but
door. The door is a trap, hollow and filled
~l‘_' '__-|' never got around to hanging them until Scary Ass Muthas {3]{pg Elli]: Depending
with strong glue.
recently. These things a1'e always coming in on their mood {Ellis chance} the muthas will
here and touching me. It's all rather annoying, come out to join the fight or ready themselves
' Door Trap: The wooden door is hollow
__rea.lly," he mentions, “fitltltouglt they do tnake to ambush the heap should they make it into
' and filled with glue. it has a lock on it, but
Idandy decorations." the cave. Elite of them fights with a jagged
doesn’t actually open, lacking hinges. any
Doorq claims to have no idea who is knife [Str +2] made from the holy symbol of a
person or weapon that tries to smash it open
_sending the giggities, but he's certain jeeele Freak.
will break through the wood and become
someone is trying to steal his secret chili
stuck to the glue- The glue can be dissolved
recipe, which he refuses to divulge [even if
fit. Cave Entrance with urine or strong alcohol, but otherwise
bribed o1' tortured). the victim is trapped. No amount of pulling
This is a natural cave with an uneven floor
The giggities are being sent by llluz the
and lots of rubble and stuff strewn about. The can free him- It is possible to chisel the door
---. ._ru.rd, but so far Doorq and his pal'rons killed
bones and carapaces of various animals are free and allow the trapped character to carry
‘each one before they could be recaptured by
scattered about, as are the remains of two it around (so lbs}. (‘in the other side of the
llluz. [Iloorq has no idea who Illue. is, but he
Jeesle Freak holy roller croaches. Eight scary door is a bare stone wall.
does remember an arrogant werm that
ass muthas lair in this chamber. as is evident
'];iach:noutl1ed his omelets a few years ago.
by the various nests made of moss and A secret door, disguised as part of the stone
shredded holy roller robes- wall {Notice -2 if actively searching} can be
_-I-
The Cave If the scary ass muthas had time to set up an opened with the same key as the last one. It
lIluz's map leads the heap through vast ambuslt, they will attack the heap by falls into the floor and opens the way to area C.
plains of boulder strewn rubble, magnificent throwing rocks and leaping out from behind
forests of giant scrub moss and shrooms, the rubble, attempting to surprise their
C. Tiled Room o' the Faithful
'l-I"

rolling hills of dirt and mold, and over chasms opponents.

A steep vertical cliff drops Pill yorts [Zl(l'} to
_- crumbled stone and rushing streams. against the back wall, overgrown with
' a tiled floor below. There are no sources of
ed: for random encounters twice a day. mildew and lichens, is a broad stone door
light in this area. other than what the heap
Eventually the heap will find themselves in {Notice -2}. at shallow lightning bolt is carved
bring with them, nor are there stairs or
the copse of moss directed by the map. When into its surface. The door does not have a lock
ladders of any type. Clintbing down the cliff
they get there. read the following. and can’t be smashed down. The only way to
wall is easy enough [Climb +1], but the floor
I open it is to use the key {the lightning bolt
is trapped.
u-I--— -- 'I._l-\.J'I ra. r-_-a-_-_-.i_

Well, ltere it is- liefrire you, in a sltallovt-' dagger used by one of the muthas}. Clnce the
valley surrnunclecl by an al‘1ur1tlartu_'e of giartt holy symbol is placed against the carving, the
l'l'tttsses and long squiggly‘ ntusltrootns is a L Floor Trap: After a small landing. the
door will slide downward into the ground,
l1uI‘nI.I ngnus l'1tiI_:lclt-tr el ripping with lichens entire floor is covered in tiles bearing the
leaving the way open to the nest area.
'-_i_3I'tt.i great gr.-iljis of n‘1ili.lew_ fl. narrow i_‘rau_‘k in l names of the acolytes of ]elvis. In order to
Elf value in this room are the following
in face T'l'tc'l-lit-‘F-i the tvltole thing lt-tik like the l walk across the floor unharmed, a person
objects {the heap should find one item for each
35 of some gigantic stone |‘nonsle1‘_ fits _'l.TlILl must step on the tiles in the order in which
successful Notice roll and raise}: a stale jelly
take in the sceriery you I‘lt‘tlZlL‘L' a big ass statue }
: the names appear as chapters in the Goutt
doughnut, a worn and stained copy of "The
posed l1'l |'I'o1‘tt of the +..'I'a:_‘k_ llis impossible to Book (Pens, The Colonel, lshkabibble, hlebro
Good Book” [holy canon of Ihe leeale Freaks).
Eittj.’ exactly what the statue depicts, a ltl'toI_:gh E Dehahab, Epiclidymus, Latrine, lvlathspew,
F an enchanted wooden poo flinger {Sir +2,
to your sensibilities it looks like Ll. gigarltic‘ , lshmagiggle,]im, _lud y, Prissilis, Rot-undo). I-‘t
Fighting +'l], a metal Jeeale Freak holy symbol
face or something. " Jeesle Freak knows the order with a
successful Smarts roll, everyone else must
I

.,,_ .___ ,.....___ _. ___,__.____ ,.___._.,__l

consult the book. Every misplaced step
The Cave results in a burst of holy lightning front the
tiles themselves {Zulu damage}. A person who
runs across the floor is subject to 2-5 bursts of
such lightning.

scary ass _'rI1_I.l‘l:l‘1:s aside from the cliff wall there are two
H
._
-L
"_....~\—Z-it
passages leading from this chamber. A small
-I":
B flight of stone steps leads up to area D and a
serret tia¢5_s~
broad tunnel leads to area E.
IE -t-'-
_..-r

r-.' - "D. Shrine of Jelvis

tiled Hoar
,=_"-
The stone stairs lead up to a small round
chamber. In the center of the room is a stone
dais on which stands an easel holding a
. gloriotls black velvet painting of Jelvis,
resplendent in his sequined jumpsuit and
_ _ __._'.

. - -._ 1 " I
J
_ ,.
vlsthlwdalkufiay “ti ‘ J crown of thorns. Stone niches carved into the
fii. -
.-' _. r. J’. .
wall and crusted with was drippings hold
I

The Jeezle.-Freaks‘ I:-iggesll: 'sl'lri-u_=_- is ;tl'g,-rfiphkingi. it "massive .statue helewarcl of That Elna Place with All -The. Sat-id.
..r
. _ -I-'
..u' _'_..r-' _
" .-Iv.'F"'
_.' _ __-

.
-‘J __.
 - *-,
hundreds ef unlit white candles. If all ef the
candies are lit [it will take abeut an heur}
anyene in t_he reem will be healed ef all
weunds [but net diseases er dis memberments}.
E. Slurg’ s Prisen
at wide tunnel reunds a cerner, ebscuring
what lies beyend. The fleer ef the tunnel
abruptly dreps vertically, revealing a spike
lined pit far belew [3i.l' dawn}. |—ianging frem
the ceiling ever the pit are a bunch ef knetted
repes. The seund ef bubbling water can be
heard in the distance.
Fit Trap: The rapes are a trap. iflt character
whe tries te swing acress frem repe te repe
will find many ef them are rigged te fall
when tugged. Each rape has a see. chance ef
falling when pulled, plummeting the hapless
here 3l.l’ te the spiked pit belew {2dti+5
damage, plus sea. chance te take Eclfr spike
damage]. A character attempting te cress this
way must use T"—'|2 {'1 clt3+ti} repes. A narrew
invisible walkway lines the right side ef the
tunnel wall {hletice -4 te netice if searching}.
The chamber beyend is large and reund,
deminated in the center by a wide pend ef
bubbling water, in the center ef which is a
small recky prementery. Dn the island sits a
small metal cage centaining seme sert ef
fluffy pink animal. Sis small yellew beids
fleat lazily in the pend.
The water is harmless and enly a few feet
deep. The beids, hewever, are net harmless.
"these are undead cute little duckies. specially
trained te guard the prisen and kill anyene
whe enters.
Undead Cute Little Duckies {fr} {pg FE}:
These have the s.an1e stats as regular cute little
duckies with the at:lditi-:::II'I ell the undead
menstreus ability. They will fight until
destreyed.
if. 3
If
The pink fluffy creature in the cage
appears te be asleep. The crystal key frem
area Ft. epens the cage. if the prisen is epened,
read the iellewing:
What kind at sick liastardg-gt-:euld._ rnal<i_~""'”an undead rnanster out tie?"
1 q,
.—. ._, J'- -I
..-I-— * I-I.'— _ .g-_
1. "'
and relatively unknewn gawd with rte
i A great buzzing seund fills the air as the -,
cage vibrates back and ferth and begins tn cencept ef what rnertals feund delicieus. He
tried again with Deerq Snezzleweener, this
spin vertigineusly. The deer bursts epen I
and the fluffy pink creature flaps eut entu
time adding a bit ef magical addictiveness te_
the mix. Success! The chili was a big hit and
the greund. lt epens its huge clewy eyes
and smiles an aderabie grin. "Elli grassy Slnrg was en his way te becaming a
net-se—miner gawd. Then disaster struck. A
ll
ass. thank yeu thank yeu thank yeul" lt
pleps itself dawn en the reci~:., waggles its
piaus sect ef jeezle Freaks semehew caught. -
bushy tail, and smiles at yeu again. it's en te what was happening. They prayed te
veice is high and siciceningly cute. '”t’eu jelvis te put an end te Slerg’s blasphemy.
Frevidence reared its ugly head in the ferm ef
have saved me frem my prisen. and in the
manner ef such savings frem time I : a magical cage gifted te the Jeezle Freaks, in,
immemerable [ shall grant yeu each a been l
which they imprisened Slerg the Slepsmiflt
I er twe. 'i'hat's the way ef things. The fellewers ef Jelvis built a prisen in a"
_a—n.-t _.n-:?u_—t.-uI:—1_- u
‘i’esireebeh, ene questien frem each at yeu l nearby cave, which they filled with traps and
and a wish frem each as well. Slerg the l guardian mensters, te heuse the captured . ..
min.
1 gawd. Illuz has learned a bit ef the tale by
_:
Slepsmith pays his debts he dees."
.
fl. I
't.
gigging giggities and spying en the _leezle'
"ll.-le teal" sheets a veice frem behind l
:
'-.
Freaks, but he clees net knew the whale stery,
l yeu. Illuz the geurd stands there. panting
and bleedy. "This is eff the cab! ‘fee are l just that whatever is in the cave has the
answers te his questiens.
suppesed te he dead!" he sheuts. "This
thing knews what happened te me and I l1
aim te knew the truth ef ill"
H I‘----1' -E-1'-I'—"'-"'-$—'E"I-Iii--—'-'-'1--—|l
Illuz is angry and frustrated that his
eszpleding bettle didn't kill them. He will fight
them with his magic beets and relling pin
unless they agree te use their questiens te
help him. If the heap kill him, Slerg will use
his pewers te ressurect him and telepert him
far away {te the lvieenular Cheese Fields].
Slerg the Slepsrnitht Slerg is a gawd. Clrtce
free frem his cage he can de just abeut
anything he wants te. He hears ne grudge
against the _leezle Freaks, and genuinely feels
bad fer screwing with Illuz and Deerq. He
I knews just abeut everything [except where
. the Frimerdial Seup Kitchen is}, but will enly I
answer ene questien fer each heap member. Beselutjen
' I rltfter granting the wishes and answering
Blunders, such as "whe are yeu?” still ceunt
. as a questien. He will grant each ef them a the questiens. filerg effers te send the heap
wish as well {a wish can de abeut the same ' anywhere they want te ge {except the
thing as leveling up can de; if the heap are tee Frimerdial Soup Kitchen}. He destreys the
greedy the wish may have bad effects as well, magic cage with a glance and then teleperts
as did Illuz’s many years age). Use the stery 5 them te whatever destinatien they cheese.
[t’s pessible an enterprising here might
, belew te help answer their questiens.
effer te wership Sle rg, since the tiny gawd has
ne current feiiewers ef whem te speak. [ft '=__ l__ .
The Truth ef the Chili
if
happens. Slerg will preneunce the character
The reasen Eleerc] refuses te divulge his his Grand Petentate and charge him with the
secret chili recipe is that he has ne idea what gathering ef cenverts. Clnce the here has
the secret recipe is. in a manner similar te that gathered I-ill cenverts. Slerg will appear te
which afflicts lllttz the Geurd, chili is the enly him, granting him a magical pillar hat-
thing E‘-‘eerq can make. Ne matter what cevered in aderable pink fuzz [armer +2 te
ingredients he uses er hew he ceeks them, the entire bedy}. Clnce the here gathers 5E_l
result is always the same, a delicieusly cenverts, he gains the AB: i-iely Railing Edg _ :1-
addictive, yet vile and feul tasting chili. See, fer free {+'lll Fewer Paints and ene free Fewer .,i"
the thing is, a few years age a miner and if he already is a heiy reller}_
relatively unknewn gawd called Slerg the Syrnbel: at ball ef pink fuzz.
Slepsmith wandered its way inte Fleem Sacrifices: Practical jekes.
leeking fer messianic prephets te build its Sins: Lesing ene's temper {miner}, net_ ._
churches and recruit its cenverts. Hew better
id
taking a jeke [miner], blasphemy against
te de this, it surmised, than wifli feed. Llsing Slerg fmajer, unless it's a jeke).
its mighty pewers, Slerg bestewed what he
censide1'ed a grand gift‘ upen Illuz the if they tell Deerq abeut Slerg, he will say, "la-_
Geurmaucl, whe ferevermere was destined te theught it was prebably semething like that,”'“
ceek enly Slerg’s celestial chili, a substance se and ge back te making his chili.
delicieus that cenverts weuld threng frem all
ever the werld just te get a taste. Slerg
screwed it' up, hewever, being enly a miner What's Next?
any Savage Tale ceuld legically fellew.
- cute little di'ffk"'?f'Eain:d -mil-1ut_s"'n.rn ste'fiau's wa s...
_ -r -_
'
..p_... .
'4-' . -I' '—u-
1-
_II-_. ‘IF-
.I.I-l'
"al..-' -- .

_. -u-q-:- ————-———-—u-
in this stery, the heap are ealled upen te
reclaim a stelen heat and its valuahle earge
frem a suicidal ham and his eult ef fellewers.
if they play it right, they may gain themselves
a heat te use in their travels and earn the
F friendship ef Fleem’s greatest ham. If this tale
.l-: being played hefere Hear i'vliit'l'i is that Sleggy
iii the lrviiniarai, find seme pretense fer the
heap te have tieltets te Curse ey"tlte Bile Blisters
'
at the Reelrhettle Theater.
The Beekhetfle Theater
A huttlead el Fleem’s elite are gathered at
..- Reekhettle fer tenight’s perferman-::e ef
Curse try‘ the .tiilr t-liisiers, starring the eelehrated
Eeale Gutgehhler {page '13:’). Yes indeed, the
faneiest -at the fancy are here tenight. Wealthy
t_..d"
"'=peddle— meisters, netahle wisenheirners, even
the Keisternie-ister’s sen are in attendance and
everyene is resplendent in their finest duds
a:nI:l sneetiest 'tudes. The heap may reer:-gni,'t,e
.I- 1
if
"a few faces, including Daddy Hassairass (if he
hasn't been kidnapped}, Hurntin and his
family, Uuulen Crepules, "i’erpea:t the Sleem,
. d_-many ethers.
"The theater itself, ingenieusly designed te
It resemhle an epu lent reel: l:-ettle tipped en its
side and suireunded hy gardens and
eeurtyards full at l::-rightly eelered messes and
1-‘ fungi, is built an a reelcy euterepping that juts
ever the River Sneeze. ‘varieus pleasure
, barges and sltifis are deeked airing the pier
"'1. 1'."-
as the ere-wd assernhles, walldng haughtily
In _ __reugh the hettle’s neeit, past the several
.-neessien stands, te the grand stage and
' ;__ - plush seats heyend, allew the heap te mingle
a bit. After a while a gang is seunded and the
guests take their seats. Read this:
The master nt' t‘i.-‘rein-nliies, a gaunt
SleI1tlI."I‘ t'rnat'l1 with elegantly t'u rlett
antennae, t‘nugl'1s pt:-litely inte a tariey '1
hanlty tr} gain the t‘I'tJ~1,~.-'tl’s attenlinri- The
5JTtatterin_,t_{ run versatiens Llie tltnvn antl all
‘W'ell—t.‘lrI_-.-ssetl ereat‘l1 as he linvvs lnwly tn the '
Fleet.
"Citizens ef |*'lt:-ern and henered guests,"
his eultu red veiee is as deep as the Kt-isler _,
anti tvi-'it"e as vvet, dripping with upper class
sneetery, "it is my supreme tlelight thisy
evening tn present unte jvtiu the finest 3
[.'I1‘ntlut‘.tinn tl'Iis hnuse has ever l-ci‘1tivvi't-"
.Pnlite applause ensue.
"l.":—etiirt.' we. hegin tnnight's PI.-'I'l-l.‘.IFI't'Ii_l]'lL'|i.",.
-l1n1ve.ver, l wish, as master nl this hnuse," _.
"
he takes a nt:-then‘ tleep lniw, tn present a
ti[.'Iet‘ial gilt tn the star ei nur shin-v- l irnplnre l
yeu, latlies, gentleman, anti germs, tn raise l
the rent, sn tn spealt, as I call t'erth the
legendary thespian hiinselt, a hen: whe
Gutgebhler is a tive_ tirne vrinner
whale
-' - .
_
'l— 1- fin-_'_-'I|._
--..- ._.
.
I_ . L
I.
_.‘_.
«Isl-
net-.'tls nu it1tI‘tT.‘li1tTtitii1, hut is giimiig ene l The Guards en the Pier
e‘Ir'n,“n.'ay, lvlaestre l-iessle flLJl.'gi.'ll_"il"'lL-"I'l" 15: a hig hank ei feg relied in a little while
5:
The atitlientt.‘ hursts intn applause. age.
- latlies stvunn anti gentletni.-'I‘1 rush tn t‘atu.'h 15-“: Eeale’s pleasure harge, Tlir Cleliiea Gait,
there as iitstltt etiierges trtini the curtairis at . was gene when the feg lifted.
stage left atnitl a sl‘1nvreriI‘1g eut’ hriglttly ‘til 3-": t'=uni:h ef skinny little werms in hlue
i'nlnret‘l t'nntetti anel a lantare lrnrrt the shirts were nesing alaeut leelting at the heats
-.m_'hestra pit. The here, resplendent in a earlier.
'
pinit velvet gnu-"I1 antl tlu tty yeilnvv hunny
slippers, saunters elegantly tn iieltter stage. Theater Werkers and Hams
' l lis eyes are v.'it‘le anti l'v.-sintiiig, an -£5: Guy Geesevemit, a eremefillian whe
-_=I'inI'nitnisgri|1nn his fate. ft thain nl geld whe used te he Ee:-:le's understudy, was here
earlier.
_ lin l-as dangling with nrna men tal glass hull‘-s
glearns n‘tajestit"all_v ahuut his hnrns. ft rain 15: Guy likes te eat at the Grey Matter
nt tlrnvers anti hras t‘lest'entls upnn hiin as
.-_—.-uq—.- —. -:L— -— r Eleeaaterium
._I- he raises his arms anti rnutinris tin‘ silence. at Eeale eru mpled up the parchment and
tilnee lievzle tal-ces his plaee nn stetgt‘ the swallewed it.
l l'vlC rnnlinns tn ":i-t.'ll't'I t-"t.lIT'II.-'3 l‘iel‘iintl lIl"lt-"
ttirtains- Ft shnrt little tverni, tlressetl in The Master ef Ce-remenies
y_;t‘Il.tt'I‘l ‘-.-'elvet emerges, carrying :,‘lI‘l
{Eierthalespew Laneh}
enurninus euveretl platter alt:-p his heati.
-.:— _i.-— _.—-
-ilk Eeale has retired te his dressing reem
I
"tie:-ale Uutgtilthleifl the t'rnat'l‘I l]II_l:1-'1’!-5,. "lay antl wen’t tall-: te anyene.
I Tntir stvle antl grate, tn; yntir st-till anti '
—u-i_r—i_—.
‘ Eeale Gutgelalaler
talent, ‘by yet: r endearing eharnt antl
{The en ly way he get inte his dressing reem is
4| ll"1‘lPli:‘li..'i:llfllf.‘ vrit, ynu have truly prnven
with incessant flattery, Fersuasien -2]
ytiursell tn he the tine true l-ting ul theater." .,
-151 He eeughs up the parchment fer them te
Er-silt‘ nt:-tls apprrr-.-'i|1gly as the t‘rnau.'l'I
t'nntinues. "Hut, l asl-t yuu, what is a l-ting l see. ‘fee can see what it says en the faeing
page.
vvithnut a t‘ rrna-'r‘1?" Tlie squat little werni l
rnnves t‘lnst'r, l‘H.‘n,vi|'1g in trnnt ut Peale. "ll 153: Lerd Eggplantain is the supperting rele
it please yea, my liege, rentnve the litl anti Guy Geesevernit played in A Hair sf Tree
' Titties.
gain yuur t.‘rt1'vvn." i
l‘it;TlI!".lt_“ lifts the platterls litl as the L"t'U‘i.‘i't.l l -ilk If they get his rrrewn battle: he will reward
n11t'e again raises the :‘netaphnrit"al them handsemely.
streaniing their applause. Shuuts tit l'tttJt,| ":3.-ly _
i
liege" anti "l,t‘iI"ig live the ttlI"l{,_3.'l'” till the air.
then sueltlenly all is ‘.'~.il'1.Ht.'l"Zl;‘.'l.l silenee- l*'.e.r:le l
'
stands en the stage, t'rtivvr1le.ss, his entire
' hntty hlusliing tn rnatrh his rnhe, a l
'
ertirnpleti sheet Lil‘ pa relnnent in his hand.
”l!fi'Ii'rf_"ll,. l have never..." He E-i-l.‘t't}t.}I'IE-i
tlr'ai‘i‘iatie'all'I,,', his plump hand em his
1
t'nI‘t-.‘heatt, "_'l'l"iere shall he run slnnv this
'l
evening, ner 'l.""v"i.-"1' until tin,‘ t'rtivvn is
l
returnetl tn me," he hutts- The aI.Jtlient'e
gasps. Then a t'rnau.'h runs tltnn.-'I‘1 the aisle, i
vi-'avirIg his arms anti shnu tin g, "i"l-laestrti, I
-1».-"t."IT_.tI' pleasure l*.eti'gi.-* is tnissing tniiii the F
pier, I think it has laeeli stnlenl" I
lie;-.'.le fans a hantl in trnnt iii his t'at't-,
"
lvly ltingelurn fur a err:-t.vn," he gasps as he
l
1 laints slewly tn the grnuntl antl the l
curtains t'lnse arnunel l'Iil‘l'l. 1
1 u..n,.n_n-g_r -5: :1 —-—.--II .a.-_l
r’-'tllt.‘.It-v the herees te react hevvever they
wish. if they I:len’t seem te want te help, have
Hurrnin er Daddy Hassafrass assure them
that Eeale is very genereus and will reward
them well. lvlest ef the patrens are leaving,
many ef there in tears. The heap is free te
questien varieus peeple at the theater. Here is
what they may learn if they aslc the right
questiens: The Grey Matter Iieeaateriurn
The heap may think te leek fer Guy here.
atsserted Theater Pah-ans I—ie is net present, hat a waitress tells them,
19: Eeale Ciutgehhler is the greatest aeter witheut being asked, that he recently began
even hanging eut with a greup ef satl—leeking
1%: Ee:-:le's last rele heiere this ene was werms that wear hlue shirts with a deughnut
Benltereae the l'vieidiliaer in The iiemaf iii" en the chest.
i'vlia.'iis. is suesessful lnvesfigatien er Streetwise
tell and M4 heurs tells the heap that the
at the Ellurpie award,,._given far the mast gratuitous belch in a _stage_._piidiii:_tia_i.
|.
.=r___H__. '
*-
.In-__..
 | l
. .r -. "fit
we .
--in
- .:i .
L.

_‘
| '4

The Place Elf Pondering

askjiig areund at The Place
ef Pnndering sheuld lead the
heap he The Fieturners after
abeut an hnur el’ searching.
The heap +:I'.|I'l'1E upen the
werms, dressed in blue shirts
ernl::lae:c.Ined with a pink
deughnut {actually a butt
ncrstril en cluser inspectien}, as
cme ef their number is
preaching ten a small greup crf
depressed leuking cifieens.
Guy Gneseenmit is net emeng
,Errig;r is1u.'I1.ayJ' s_i 2_t.ma.asue¥' it'rt;_‘j *;_1grtuge,ige_ E -
them, but asking areund
[Streetwise rullj will reveal
that he was here earlier.
.._ .._s_...s,..... k... _..___. .._- .. _.. .............._..... --... .. t_.....
blue-shirtecl werrns beleng te a greup called 1
[ “l“I.-'a_t- lwackinlhe L"l'e‘Ij,-'f.lL1l':‘1I'IL‘L‘:-ilctrf-5ll‘-.'LtLl
The Returners Frcun Wheuce We Came. They . in the l'a‘.I-in-'els cat the ancient i.ll.’I'Ili.-’.i.-"T'I':-i int i
are same sert pf suicide cult er semetliing and I
l"'.lut|1u Gilli. F1‘t1t'n keislers we swatti :-an i
can crften be fcrund preaching, in The Place -sf l I‘11aI1j.-"ages apt}, and lI‘|i-i‘.I L1 keistet"e.'i's'wiI11 :
Pendering. tt‘.rI‘t1m'I‘cm‘,” grcnattts an e:-;trL111‘1L=.-l1»,-' gltnii I’
itlilklllfl werm. '"‘I”n1.: shnuhl all t‘n:me with l
Bin 3 Se-tni~rels1;ed Ncite us- |~1eall_i'. I mean, 'wl1at+.hn yeti liawe in live 5'
At seine peint, as they wander thrcrugh the lr't'}I‘ here? "E-:u::' wile :'aI‘1 an-'t1j.' with _'u.'nur l
cit}: the heap are attacked by four kankers, ‘I sling- "r’t1I_1r head l‘1I_1:'ts_”'|’ci1_:e‘il1.-.-'e‘n.=1-I crane in
sent by Lluuleu Crepules. The kankers crawl sect:-11d- _[nin The l{etI_11'I1et's Frnrn Wlienc-:-*
eut cut the sewer and try tc: kill the heroes. We l'__"a:1‘1e and he relmrti as sn1‘1tc.-tliitig else.
.-"*.I1j.*1.~.'a_1r, it atw nli _',,-'n1_t want tn end }'nur l
Llulcnu is just pissed at the heap and wants te
hurt them. Bad guys a1'e like that. lives in at gluriczus tlisliichli, meet us at the 5
l mitltlert |i.ll'r.']il't':-'rlJ1.-“'l"IlI'H..l The ‘Fairauppitli l hale l J

Kariker [élflpg E1}: The kankers squirt wl‘1eI1 the laifl bull" in the ski“ reat.‘l‘1es it's E
acidic gee and attack with their claws. .peak_ Draft" tt‘1:‘;_r;c-*l tn flL:sh fl[}ULll."|_‘g."L‘
"
I atiynne w l‘1-:1 mi;_;|1t still care. in; _...

--I-.rv-I---u|.----&I---—-uI-'-- 1‘!

The Returners from whence Earns "innate ‘tried ‘to t a "giant slug.
This-E; :emmit..i}e5s"suicide :-'|'‘'-..
:1
.I.

The Brain
Behind The Scrappin’ Hele is a series ef
drains that lead inte the sewers. Refuse and
bedy parts are threwn in here after
'
gladiate1'ial fights and such. Eight Returners
_...i.
This requires a Heating mil with a —'l penalty
fer every three rewers belew twentyf’ A
successful Fersuasien rell might get any
E;-Iii-eg l
survivers be change their minds and help raw
after Guy is beaten. it failed beating rell leer -I.-i.-ass the G.-.e_.es.e:it!*l
1-1-

{all standard werms} are assembled, waiting means the barge is drawn cleser tn the liieister. —-j ..._.. _-.

fer new cenverts te arrive. The enly ether
character te shew up is a creach named
fieehillie {standard creach} whe is depressed
because his wife left him. if the heap can talk
him eut ef cemmitting suicide, witheut
areusing the suspicien ef the Returners,
award a benny.
Dnce the heap cenvince the Returners they
sincerely want te die {Persuasien rells f1'em
'
'-veryen e], the werms check them fe1'
-weapens then blindfeld them and lead them
inte the sewer. This area ef the sewer is
fleeded and there a1'e several canees wailing
belew. The werms deuble check the
blinclfelds, lead the heap inte the canees, and
paddle threugh the sewers. The way is leng
"'_‘-it . *1
_ I winding, but eventually the blindfelds
are remeved and the sewers epen up inle a
small lageen, in which fleals The Geldeii Gab.
The beat is majestic and flambeyant, with
ygeat gebs ef dripping geld {er geld painted
geep, anyway] aclerning its hull and
rhirtestenes glinting frem every surface.
Twenty ears spreut frem her hull.
A repe ladder is lhrewn frem the beat and
tl1e heap and the werlns are able te bea1'd. if
asked abeul Guy Geesevemit, the we1'ms
explain that they will pick him up en the way.
Ctnce everyene is securely en beard the
heap are asked te make themselves
cemfertable {the barge has several e:~:tra-
vagant ceuches and such) and await destiny.
The plan, the werms say, is l'e sail the ship inte
the Big Drink and frem there ever the edge ef
The Keister ef Gawd. A tetal ef thirty
Returners frem Whence They Came are en
beard the ship, in additien te the heap and
Efeehillie {unless he left earlier}. Twenty
. "'erms man the ears and the ether ten see te
navigatien and eperatiens {there is ne sail}. if
the herees attack them they fight ferecieusly,
preferring te die en their ewn terms.
Three failed rells in a raw will send the beat
ever the edge, resulting in the deaths ef
everyene an beard.
Reselutien
If the crewn is returned te Eeale Gut-
gebbler, he thanks the heap prefusely and
eifers them free passes te any at his
perfermances fer life. If they saved the beat,
he efiers ta sell it ta them tar Sfllflli clams, since
it has been tainted by Gu y Gaesevaniit.
It the heap managed ta capture Guy alive.
Eeele will give them Tia.’ G:=i'rii=n Ciel: fer enly
'tlIltJl] clams.
The Gel-Lien Geb
Eeele’s beat is c-pulent and gawdy. it is net
rnade far ripen acean travel, merely fer
pleasure cruising, but can be serviceable ii
preperly manned and rewed within sight ef
share. They will need ta hire rewers (‘Ill ta
meve at Tep Speed)*, which usually werk fer
abeut 5 clams a day. Eeale knews a
cent-animatur [Uuulen Crepules] whe will
make the barge raw itself at their cc-remand
fer Eflglliltl clams. This basically turns the beat
inte a cantanimatrenic minien, a task that will
take ten days in perferm.
*r-‘t creach ceunts as twe tewers, since it has
fuur arms.
iacc-{Tap Speed: 233
Teughness: 12(2); Crew: ‘I 2+'I Ii]
Value: '1 l.l,lll}il clams
What's Next
Bring Me the Ass effierminee the Cieesed!
Gather Llnte Me the Grasses
Greetings Ctith Creature, May I take Yeur Drder?
The Ru:-at Beer ef I-"ill Evil
The Secret Ingredient is Lave
This stery begins as the
he rees appreach the Garden
at Smeilemental Glee. it
they wished fer Slerg te
,
The Secret liigncri‘i'c:-it is i..er=r.*, he depesits them
just eutside ef the garden, etherwise they
have must likely been traveling c:-verland frem
Flaem fer a ceuple at days.
The Garden ef Smellemental Glee
As the heap appreach the garden [abeut a
mile er twe away}, read this:
......_.._....___.._.i
i There it is. just ever the nerd ridge. a big
i yert er twe av.'a_v. l"-.nermeus tewers ef
l
living fungi in all celnrs ef the spectrum jut
frem the recl~.y greu n d, bathed in the
j clelernus mists that rise frem the l°«’.eister ef
t Ciawd. l_esser fungi, huge in reality but tinv
in cumparisnn te the lefty tewers. speckle _
the surretlmiing landscape like h1'iglttly -'
ceiere+.i flies feasting en a men nd ef dung. !
The sulfureus stench ef the. Keister seelnsy
IE less retten in this area. its wincls and gusts l
j carrying with them a rather pleasant arema
instead. reminiscent ef baking muffins
j j
I, 1'iitlte1'fltg:l:cgti_r1g
5121-" H ....-- _......,...__J
.-its the heap appreach the garden they walk
threugh vast fields ef large spherical fungi in
every imaginable celer. These fields su1'reund
the tewers en all sides, e:-tcept fer the side that
faces the Keister. Each fungus is heme le a
different smellemental and each ene smells
distinctly different frem these areund it. The
milliens ef mingled scents in the surreunding
gardens can be everwhelming te these
unused le it {the menks ef the Garclen are
inununej. Anyene attempting te walk
threugh the fields ef fungus must make a

Werrns [standard] {3[l]{pg 13b}: The werms bladders.

are armed with varieus weapens {Sir +2}. at

Chtce the barge has left the lageen, Guy

stalwart
Geesevemil emerges frem under the ceuch
3§.where he was hiding. He wears fluffy green rest
febes and spe1'ts Ee.r.le’s crewn en his head.
the
He greets the herees and makes light‘
cenversatien as they are rewed teward their even
ldenfises. It will take ene heur fer the barge te In

-'-reach the Keister. The heap are free l'e de

whatever they want {mest likely they will
attack Guy and try te get Eezle’s crewn back}. r rt uratien

Guy Geesevemit [pg 139): Guy is armed incite

..:i.- __
with a crappy swerd [Sir +2, crappy can
materials]. He will fight te the death if
attacked. Ne ameunl ef persuasien will
cenvince him te give up his missien. sthreuble

Chtce the barge is in the heap's hands, it can '. -ii"1._,_. a

l‘ -
.--l'''
' be turned a1'eund and rewed back te Fleem. Feratiaus
1

all ''-.'i_ i

_-.
162 ifttcercling in paleantelegist
 §s—.—.- ——. .-
"s. ''

‘tiigor roll or pass out for ‘tditl minutes due to

sensory overload.
The Fields stretch on for a couple of big
yorts in all directions winding among shallow
bridged streams and bleak Fields of houlders
and mud. at some point the heap will come
across a group of monks in trouble. when
they do, read this:
l rlt piercing ta.'l'tlI‘H..' erupts from l‘tel‘1ind a t
l cnpse of i‘l~ttlJlvr.‘li.-fl‘!-i directly in front of you. i
is at once pitiful, ltnrrifying, and
i
tr:tt‘1'ut'iatiIig_
y'|'l‘test'.~Ln‘ti.l
—-—-—- r—.— -—-- a-u .-.-—--u —-. -1-...--..-.—.-up —-u--—-—.—..-.- .._.___..J
The sound is the whine of a schnoohle. It'
has wande1'ed into the Ga1'den and is
currently attacking three monks. All three
were taken by surprise and paraly:-zed by its
shriek. It will take two rounds for the heroes
to reach the other side of the boulders, by that
time, one of the monks is al1'eady dead and
being dragged off by the schnooble. The other
two are coming to their senses as the heap
ar1'ive. The sclmooble has the dead monk in its
jaws, but will drop him and attack if the heap
th1'eaten it.
1-.- _ " Ii-
-1..-
~f'.:_'_'_ili"""-l-l~iII:In-J-H‘
Monks of the Garden {3}: These monks are —-_..
— _
I.
n-.
-u.
_—.n_

all standard smelves (pg 13$} [Gorpity Smelf,

He Who Srnells Far has more flavor than a jelly donut.
Slimular Smelf, and the late lvludplucker
Smelf] with it-‘LB Smellcaster and Smellcasting
through a wide door that leads to a landing on
a—u-—-ja-u—un.nm.-. u—l_i-ua-I.--——u —-1. _-_ju.._

dfi. They each car1'y three reeks [I-Iealing, scepter dent‘:-te ltirn as the abbot of this l
the outer surface of the fungus tower. The
invisibility, Quickness). 1I n'tc«r1aslI_rt‘_v. lJo'.r.ens of int'rit'ate bottles -and l
I

stairway continues upward, spiraling its way

I flasks dangle fro11‘t varitnts tsltains and
Schnooble {pg 33}: The schnooble is to the top of the tower. There are several l-
=I ropes abtiut his pet‘son_ lhe l'H'.'ILl.Lli we'ars a Ir
landings along the way, fitted with stone
hungry and violent. It will attempt to paralyze blin L‘ll'[tit_i ch.-'e1‘ his eyes, and a great pair of
everyone with its whine before attacking.
benelies and basins of scented water, so the 1. earrnuffs ctrver his tiny cars. ‘L-"I."hen he
heap may rest along the way. The monks l
i speaks, his voice is deep antl nasal.
If the heap kill or chase off the schnooble
leave them after the first landing, instructing i ".*"t thousand times welcorne, f1'ii.'.'l‘Icls of
them to continue upward. I-‘ts they reach the l
the surviving monks will collect their friends l the Garden. I smelled ytntr a1'1'ival days
top of the tower, read this: t
body, wrap it in a cloak, thank the heroes for I 3 _ l l."|it.i you ettioy our lmspit-alil_'i.', l‘.uIl:
their help, and offe1' to escort them to the
The climb is tii:skying and strenuous. :first I wtiiuld know the purpose of your
monastery. They will answer any questions despite the cleiicately carved rails and visit?"
the heroes have, describing the Garden of [ ......m.---_-.._n_..—._.._.-.-.-_n_.- -._.-_-..-._...._._-_ s...-c _.-_.._........—_.-_..1.
fretprent landings. fits you climb higher
Smellemental Glee as the harvesting grounds 't'he heroes may say whatever they want.
and higher. your view of the land grows. _I
for all scents. Witllin each of these fungi they will find He Who Smells Far [page 139}
, f-'ar off in the distance. across a broad
dwells a different smellemental, each to be kind and wise. although he is almost
expanse of steaming lsieister. the city of
--

_ blind and deaf, he can understand everything

n

representing a unique stench. The monks of f-'loom nestles a thong the boulders, so tiny -
the Garden have dedicated their lives to the they say and knows everything they do in his
you could crush the entire realm with two .
study of Smellcasting and the glorification of presence. He offers them a place to stay toras.':.:'-.--
fingers. ftscending ever higher. you see the _
scent. Their leader is the abbot He Wllo Smells long as they wish. Dace the subject of
massive e?~'.p.-mse of the I-‘Ceister. its I‘
Far. If asked about Gorminee the Go osed, they Gorminee the Gooseel is brought up he
bottomless depths eaten d ing ever
say that he was here until recently, but that is responds thusly:
dow n wa rd. its farther t'eaches lost in mist. '| ,......-._.......___
a matter best discussed with the abbot.
n_n.a-u-u_n.._a-I- a-i_u——-u ---1-u.n_n.n -u-u—:-_n-i_n-

i"'~.ll around the lowers the fields of scented _ 3 “res indeed. Gorminee was among the
The heap are guided through the fields,
fungi stretch for yorts and yorts. finest stnellcasters ever to grace these
past fungus of all scents and stenches. As they
lianting with e:-thaustion, _vou round the ' ‘gardens. llis reeks were of the purest
near their destination the towers loom larger
final rise. A delicate aroma of old socks and lconcentration and his bottled essences
and larger, growing f1'om an island of stone
butter tickles your nostrils. quickly shifting idistilled to perfection. Some thought he
that seems to float above the lsleister itself,
to that of overripe fr'uit and tacos. The i might someday rival even me. .-*-"ill things
buoyed by the o1nnip1'esent gasses and gusts. entire top of this tower is yet another grove . lare possible, I say. L‘-nfortunately. The
A narrow bridge of arched stone connects the
of fungi. These are different from the; Goosed saw fit to flee this place several
island to the precipice wall. They pass several i
aju—.- _n:-ad.P3-—_1 Ln_r—F-a_;—u.-a_rL
others. however. Sprouting upward and weeks ago. taking with him considerable |
Ino1'e monks, mostly smelves and we1'ms,
twining about each other like mating . Jartifacts from the Garden's reliquary. I
going about various tasks in the garden and worms. these colossal mushrooms form an l have scented him crossing the big Drink on
around the towers. The towers themselves are
intricate lattice of spongy, phallic growth. i his way to New C'lca'lt]LIar, but there his trail
actually hollowed fungi, grown massive and awn.-_n.- —_
islestled among the sh rooms is a throne of ends. I shudder to imagine to what he may
carved with runes and decoration. -.n_—
sorts, crafted of the so me bulbous growth. ,' ; be up."
The monks lead the heap through a series of _

it Sitting in the chai1'. his immense nostrils t L—_..—-.—. ..—.—.—-

domed gates, across the bridge, and into the
open to the breeze, is an elderly bodul. llis '1 If asked what artifacts Gorminee stole, He
base of the first tower. After they are served
amazingly huge nose dangles to the Wino Smells Far replies {on the next page]:
refreshments and given a chance to relax, they
ground and his decorative robes and '1
are escorted up a winding stairway and _n_

. ti‘? “.3”
U11 of Deep, owner of the largest nose on refofd. had to build a sep erate hill H9 on |'risiii|'riiftiseF*"tif house"--his‘ rodi ious sthnoz. g."l
HI

If
_ - —-;r-.= .
xi’ —-:'

.i-'-'-
-It.-. ii"
- '
it.‘
It‘
‘ll’-
"'In..:'H-
am _n.a__n.
N
"e first was an item nf little |f.'.tIlI't‘.‘-i-t.’.'|..iLiI.3."I‘1CL’
but great histeriral significance. Pt diary
kept by the first ahhet e-f this Uartleii, l-tis
-Gracicius ll"tLIt‘l-l'tlIlI‘tl.'-2'l‘tt.‘E.‘, .7"~.lasult‘ius FaI‘nelI'. L
The tit‘ii..‘IljlI':IL'l was a srt'tellevisinI'i. an ancient
and pcniverful device that allews a being in
view sI't'tellert'teI'ttals in their natural term. It
is this device that must be I-t-*vtiverei.l at all
I.'.‘tI:-fit. lest we accidentally cnritatninate
fields with impure stinks and aremas.”
If aske-d abeut the l’rimerdial Seup Kitchen
he says:
""Lit1rI1iin-.rir was evel‘ the e:-tpert tin that
subje-::t. l‘te nnce sent an m:pL’t.liHtiI1 tn ma p
the statLIi.*s tit this islan-:.l, in l'tnpi.—.'s that tl1i.‘y
might reveal stiene pnvverful and enigertatic
secret nf the universe, but the rnissit:-n was
trauglit with disaster frmn the start and had
te be e1'ti.lecl prerrtatu rely. 'l'l'ie Liiatist-‘cl kept
i ’: L‘t.:-rnprehr.%n.sive jriurnal nf his stnclies. liiut
' has clis'a}‘tptraircrcl aleirig with him.
l weulcl be remiss if I did nut infnrrn ynu
that several iI‘u.livii.lI_:als., cI'eI‘nefilli-ans by
the scent Hf tl‘tt:‘l‘I1, traveled here recently
Hfitting after t_inrnii|‘:ee- and the St:-Lip
t"-':lt"Ii.‘l1l-.‘.'1't, but rny nteiiks tLtr|‘1et'l
away."
J Pride
The heap may stay at the Garden as leng as
"they wish. Ft smellcaster whe stays at least a
week at the Garden may gain ene new Fewer
fer free. its leng as they are gracieus guests
. paétttey will be treated kindly and genereusly. ht
seme paint. if they den’t bring it up
l themselves. He Whe Smells Far effers a
beunty fer the safe return ef Germinee the
Geesecl and the stelen artifacts. "'t'eur weight
in reeks upen yeur retum." rtlse, he premises
-a-
te pay Eililil clams teward the cest ef their
_.rIi.
ieurney and gives them each a reek (Dre.-tier
"‘:.- Healing} if they accept.
I-
The enly way te get te New Clertquar frem
Fleem, assuming the heap have already used
their wishes frem Slerg. is by sea. If the heap
ewn Eesle Gutgebbler’s pleasure barge, Tire
Geideii Gab. they can make the jeurney in
4l.‘.r+'ld.'til days by hugging the ceastlines.
"assuming they have a full crew er have
1.
n.:.
cen tanimatrenically cenverted the beat.
—.a_._
‘It.
Alternately, they ceuld beek passage en Tire
.Geecilmager*s Fist, a hercish vessel eut af hgeg
_n City fer ."-ifilfl clams apiece. er en the cheese
merchant vessel The Pride ef ivimiaiei.-is ewned
.by the Cheesemengefis Guild fer Erllll clams
apiece. Beth vessels are cun'ently decked in
Tleem.
The farmer ship is captained by Bew-
crusher Sailtangler [pg '13?) and crewed by a
if
_herde ef bleedthirsty hercish pirates whe
/-r"-eenstantly tease and harass the heap unless
3'.‘ they are sufficiently intimidated er beaten in a
fight. The hercs will net allew any smelves
if '. enbeard (un less they are disguised}. Its carga
censists ef furs and skins. as well as a her-de ef
eily beids in individual cages.
‘Re..-
The Priiie rtfiviaaiikaiis is made ef petrified
i cheese, led by lleneltimus ivlenge [pg trill] and
‘feulveinever heard at the C-iavelt:an_'i;,I_e_r-'5 Fist? ltl s _tlie=-sl_'iip that made a pretiel run in less than tv.r__ele_,; yr:-ts‘:
___g_..
gar
If
I
. 3"...
__
crewecl mestly by creaches and werms. It
carries a carge ef dried fungus. reet beer, and
Chepping Eleck Chili.
Either ship can make the run frem Fleem te
New Gtertquar in 2tl+‘I dill days.
If the herees take Tire Gnttieii Geh, they are
attacked by an esephagater at seme peint en
r their jeu rney.
the}
g Esephagater [pg T9]: The esephagater will
r-—u-r -p.--1'
try te destrey the ship te get at the yu mminess
inside.
If they take The Gat=ei‘liaiiger’s Fist er The
Pride gfitrliiiiiikiias, they will be ferced te cheese
sides as the Fist attacks the F'ria'e in a typical
beut ef piracy. Neither ship has leng range
weapnns aside frem bews and slingshets, se
J
l the crew ef the Fist will try te beard the Pritie.
if either captain is killed, the remaining sailers
E will surrender. If the herc captain is killed.
yeu sheutcl make up anether prii:i$:—e—cr:-rn fer
the Savage Tale Tu Erii‘ is Hrmimiii.
n
J
Fist crew {standard hercs] tee) {pg ti-if:-}:
} The hercs are bleeclthirsty and will enslave
thern any survivers.
crew {standard werms] {Ell},
{standard creaches] {Ell} {pg 13b]: The crew
will imprisen any surviving hercs and take
them te New Derlquar fer trial.
New flerlquar
New Ck‘:-rlquar is a freaking huge city, three
times the slice ef Fleem and five times as
pepulc-us. it will take days fer the heap te
wander its streets in search ef Germinee. it
successful Streetwise rell and ftdh heurs. er
ldil days ef asking areund, inferms them that
Germinee was seen at Under the Sink, a
restaurant that caters ie creaches, and alse at
the 5in—e—gegue ef Stan. if the heap ask abeut
smellcasters, they are directed te Nesular
Decadence.
‘What's Next
The nest Savage Tale te play depends en
where the heap ge in search ef Germinee the
Geesed:
Feulness aplenty ifSin—e-gegue ef Stan}
Dne Sniff Tee ivlany {hiesular Decadence]
Pee Eating Grin {Under the Sink]
flnward
Dace the herees discever that Germinee
has gene te The Phesterance [by playing Pee
Eating Grin}, they are presented with several
ways te get there. They ceuld ge everland
{either alene er by jeining a trade caravan te
Gargle Twice]; they ceuld take a ship te
Ghupe. Yapple, er ‘rerf anti centinue
everland frem there; er they ceuld take The
Gnitieii Get: by sea and land semewhere eff the
ceast halewhence ef The Fhesterance. lt’s
their cheice. depending en the reseurces
available te them.
£2:-sf". . 'l ""'
‘lies:
This Tale begins in New
Grerlc1ua1', just eutside ef
hlesular Decadence, a perfu-
mery. As the heap appreach
the building, read the
fellewing:
l
_a_n-u..a-ru-I-ijna-en:-u -ija.n.n_ru_-n_-a—u-,-u-i_i-na—n_n_-a11_u.a-1:.-n_a-1—nrr
'”l-"t'lin 't.'t-'..-tI'tt'l-i a cciblaini hickeyl" The veicc
lis lnucl arid lusty, e1'igit1ating frnrn stnne
l peint abnve yt‘u_1_ its yt:-ur gagce t't_|1‘ns
1 sky vvarcl yr:-LI spy the largest pile ynu have
lever seen, cen1npletel_'~.-' nal-:.ecl ancl perisetl
l atep the Lltiiiietl reef nf l"-lnsular lfitccatltrritft-1
frantically l*n.11nping n flagpt:-le- Snrne __
utikreavvri thing, sparkly and shirninering,
. gteains frnrn his fn1‘et1eai.l. t-lis t-:.1ngi.1e
lntliiig nut and his eyes gnggling wilclly, he
tvhistles lnutlly, Int:-ks t‘:et1ii'tcl tiintselt, and y
screanis, "l-lei.’ yt:-Lil "fire want a ltickeyf"
[hie suck tlangles frnin his feet as he
lJ[IILlt'tt.tEi backv-.-'ari.ls flt't tn the 1‘t.'n‘.Jt rat the nest
building ancl leaves yn1_1r rai'tge ef visinn.
Pi-ect‘.-ntls later the tlt:-ur [if the perfurnery l
npens ancl a stressed—nut smelt wearing an _.
iI'It'reLlil‘-ly tall hat enierges. "_l_t1ey'll clnsel
nte i.ln'w:n fur sure after that nnI_r," hel
n1i.1tte1‘s. "Well, ynu might as well ctmie in l
anyvvay-"
-——u: -u- --—.n—-u.-_—-u- -—-u-u-*1 -I--|_-_- _—..__.-I
The smelf is Eunge Elunge {standa.rd smelf},
the preprieter ef l"-llesular Decadence. He is
net a smellcaster, but his perfumes are
semetimes inhabited by smellementals
anyway. If the heap ask what was geing en
with that pile. he tells them the pile came in a
few minutes age te buy seme perfume te
mask his disgusting stench. Bunge
accidentally gave the pile an aphredisiac
instead.
The inside ef hiesular Decadence is in
shambles. Filth and muck frem the rampaging
pile is splattered everywhere. Shattered
bettles litter the fleet and shelves while
pungent aremas whiff thickly abeut. If the
heap ask ab-eut Germinee the Geesed, Bunge
tells them he came by awhile age {a number ef
clays age reughly equal te the ameunt ef time
it teek the heap te travel te l"~lew Derlquar]. lf
the herees help him clean up the place, he'll
check his manifest te see what Germinee
purchased. If they agree read this:
l Elunge hands nut dustpans and breelns
latt areertd, then gets te serting eut the
" varieus breken bettles and such. The plush
l carpet is seaked with all serts ef
l sweet-smelling things and shattered crystal *
vials are littered everywhere. "l-lely lvless
liess's heard!" he e:-rasperates, lifting a
breken shard. “tvly feur yert measurer’s
l been destreyed! This sticks. Lerd Elech is
ceming by very seen te pick up feur yerts
ef L"i*iiil,t=iiila'lc f-iiii'i]f. l-le'll feed me te the
1 acelytes if I den't measure it right! In fact, it '
{leeks as theugh all ef my measurers are J
-——-
—|—
-—-——-
I
bretten, except fer this l‘tt‘I'l.‘ Ifirt-‘re 'Dn the Trail ef the Levelern file
yfift-D
}1._":|.’IlI‘lt.‘lt:‘.‘1' and this five yert ene. I ltnv am I i
I 'l'h'e pilt-Vs trail is net till-I-itll.-til-i't}-iTt"llitlI'l.'v'. I,
i geing In rittrasurtr ttzcatrlly full I‘ ytirls 'I.vl‘te1‘t 1
I ."tt't'ti,ss 1'12!-til-l'1.‘Il_'|'Ei. anti tlntiegh tvilitiiltg
i all I havtr is a five anti a tIi1't=t=?" I
-.—--—-—---1.-----:-l-— -- allt*t'wat-'14,
' '
a path til" ntet‘l-cspttwn walls anti
."
If the heap effer te help him, he shews them I1t*I‘1it'i~'.lt'tl t.it"l'lll-".t"l'l‘.'-'- ITli.‘l."I. j.'ttt1rt"-.-'t.'ry tern. ,
a large crystal decanter labeleti Crutiputiclle "I it‘ jtisttfarrle tittt till litiv.'Itt“1't-atitl gave int“! -u-I.

Sniff. “This stuff is e:-tpensive," he says, ”se a trig l-'-it1'I'i1‘I_'i.' I-:.i!-'-‘.'i,.“ !|‘l‘tt}t'II'I1-'- a lit-It--aget'1'eti
please peer any eittra back in the vase." I‘ t':t't‘:at‘lt_ "WIi_i.' I lit-1'-.'tt l‘It'."I.-'L.‘l'l” t-*.:~tt'lai1‘ns a
Bunge has ne ether measuring teels available, "."t-'l."il-I.'tl'-i..ItlI Imtlttl, it"-H".-‘t-‘l!'ll‘|1i_: her Ititl-;it.'— -I——-"I-1-j

ner tie any nearby petitileineisters. The !'~'~l'l'ltIllIl."i'L-‘Ll I*Itrt'lt vritli a n't‘n't-‘[1 st‘at‘f_ ’”'|’t'.-al‘I,
centainer must be filled precisely, se estima- I In-1 jttst st:-rt ttf jLl!['t'l1"|t‘|..i up I'It.'liit1tl the anti
tians and guesswerlt wen‘t cut it. Here is ene '_gavt' mt: a gt'.it‘::-it'll" tit-rt‘lart.-s a lirnpintr
i
. L1

way te salve the pueelez Fill the three yert t.'1'l.'l'!|'1t.‘l'lIiir.il"|. "r"tltt=r l'|L" jtttnpt--ti thy l.'?H.‘|l‘|t‘S-
‘I he ran til-II Lltl”-.".'T'l that E‘tllt"_‘-.',“ svt-'t1ars a
centainer and peer it inte the five yert ene.
itepeat, which leaves five yarts in the five yert l l.'|I'Lli':-it't.i anti battt-rrt-ti Hill-ti-
l_. .,-, ..._ ..s.,_,.,,.., ____ - l1 l t l1t
-I_l—.1J—j-Iatu—.-I1\_

—-J

centainer and ene in the three. Empty the five, If asked, all these whe saw the pile
peer the ante frem the three inte the empty retnember a crystal sticit ef seme sert stuck in
five then fill the three again anti tiernp it inte his fereheati. The alley t'he cremefillian
the five, which maltes feur. Then, react this: peinteci ciewn encls in a sheer stene wall SD’
'_" -
i . . - .
. J-|. -I--u-_ r-- J—-—r —.a-u.n_-- a— a——-.-1:--u—u._ n.-u.n_n a.—u--1.: a-u.I

; Iittitgtt ltrealltes a sigh til relief, _"-I high. The pile’s traclts leacl up the wall,
t‘]'tf.lII'I't'ttttll-i st'l’t11tir_ I1-tii‘tliing up anti tittwn. ceating it' in places with slippery filth
"Ci1‘ttsst-' ass, T'tl.'|..' .~—.n1artv pant:-L," he says, {fllintbing -2}. Atep the wall, net visible frem
'”‘l"tiu l-1'l_l1't.'."s'tt‘.'t‘Ll I't‘t'I..' I'1tlFs'L‘-” Setitiettlv, anti belew, is a small square watchtewer {E-"rt3”,
vt'lt'l1et1t vvarniitg, the L‘It.'rtlII' tipeits antl a= epen winclews en all sicles}. The pile is
tTI'ar.v ltittl-ting tvt-rnt wall-as in. Slit:-rt itllltii sleeping eff his excesses, curled up in a ball in
i
Int:st‘u|ar, with a st'aI‘y—ltitil-iirtg tnasl~; tiver the miclclle ef the tewer. It is pessible te snatch
his fat‘t~ anti a t‘anLilt‘- l‘1LI1'I‘1i1‘tg attip (‘If his the stirring reci frem his head witheut waiting
ptiinly l‘tt*ati, the 'lr".-'l."I'I't'l .'-'-lt'Lll':-i in, .-;l1tna.'iI1gf him [Stealth -2), but if he is awaltenecl he will
tiff his furry" t-'t=st anti l1t.*pt*11tat'It=t'l pant:-:. I immeciiately ge inte a frenzy ef lust, trying te
"I_tIt'ift*1'tnls iitiings Lt]'tlt‘.I lieu, lt'.|'L't.-'I_"».'i grapple anti l-tiss [ancl werse} everyene befere
]."t‘Llt.ll|'.‘l',.” slitlters tltt' vverrn, his vtiit't=i threwing them ever the edge ef the wall. if he
t'I'awli11__g ilntitaglt the .-'.t't*ntt=tl air. "I l'ru.-'.l 5 is attacked with weapens, he will fight baclt
this pitiful I‘.Ill.‘."-it-i _vr.}Lt't't' l‘l‘i:'l1..ll.* has net i using ene ef several spears {Str +2} scattereti
prtr1.'t'11tetl ytit: f1'-:m1 filling trty tn‘t‘it-I‘ in a about the watchtewer. .-ll victim at the lrerhy pile runs his aching suit
' and ponders he-it best to disguise his hrclties
prtnnpt anti p|'t1ft's:—;iti|1aI rin‘tr1I1er7_"’
Iitittge !-il'Il‘i.'l.‘I‘S, "Hit: n't'ltn‘ti_ r"'tll is in E Unnamed Herny Pile [stanclarci pile, Str
'I till}, Fighting c112} {pg 136]: The pile is naiceti currently. There is ne access te the reef frerrr
t}1'i.‘II.-“F.” l‘il.-" hantis the five yert ctmtainer te
i.‘i.'t'.‘t'I'!"I aittl l‘ttt1t‘t'!-i Itivt-'ly In thtr grtittnti. but fer a seclt, he has ne pessessiens. His the insitie, anti all ef the winclews anti t:leers
Lille-a———--——--— --——-.-—.- _____-..._n_.:_-t_—. J manic state ef herniness maices him fight as if are beartiecl up ant:l leciteti. If the heap break
if the heap have met Dthtitlietlt lilech {pg he has the lmprevet:l F renay Etige. in they will iust find a bench ef empty reerns
lrtt'l}, High Priest ef the Sin—e—gegtze ef Stan, anti spiraling stails.
befere, he may acltnewletige their presence Ideally, the pile sheulcl net be harmet:l, In the b-eiti’s nest are feur eggs [werth till]
with a neti. Citherwise he i gneres them unless since he is under the influence ef the clams apiece}, the crystal stirring 1'eci, and a
they tie semething te hintier him. after aphreclisiac anti is net in his right minti. If the beanie cap mat:le ef reptile scales with a
receiving the bettle frem Bunge, tilech tesses heap are able te get the t'et:l witheut I-tilting er prepeller ef feathers and talens l:Bt’I'T5f Bennie,
the sn'telf a small bag ef clams anti ma Ices te serieusly injuring the pile, give them each a gives the wearer the ritnimal Magnetism
leave. if the heap attempt te fight him, he will benny. Here's the thing, as seen as the red is Eclge]. The beici wen’t fight the heap, if they
in the heap’s pessessien, a brightly celereti get te the nest, it will fly away.
use his magic maslt ta telepert away anti '''‘'-—_'''''|-.-.-

summen a greup ef scary ass muthas te fight beici ef seme se1't flies frem the reef ef a ---I'‘''
fer him, nearby builtiing anci snatches it. If the here Reselutjen
If aslteti abeut Clthetheth lilech, Eie nge tells helcling the reti makes a hletice ml] at -2, he {Since the heap return Eiunge's reti te him,
them he is the high priest at the Sin—e—gegee ef may see the beiti cetning anti gain an eppeseti he will effer them each a bettle ef perfume
Stan and is enerally a nice guy if yeu can Strength rell te helti ente the reti, er an {their cheice} anti tell them he rememberecl
ignere his vielent temper anti me rtierr.-es eppesecl Agility rell te hit:le the reti befere the ene fttrther thing abeut Gernunee the
bleecllest. “(lib crap, what new?” he sighs, beici gets there. Citherwise, the beiti aute- Geeseti; he asitecl a fellew custemer te
”lvty crystal stirring reti is missing.” He tnatically snatches the reti anti flies te the tep recemmenti a restaurant fer lunch. The" .- _' .

begins te cry... ef a nearby tewer. custemer, a creach, sent him te Llncler the
Tl'te stirring reti is that shiny thing the heap Sink.
saw stuclt tn the piles fc-reheacl. Hepefully, Brightly celerecl beiti ef seme sert Bunge's Eungjuice: This tielicate perfume
semeerte will rnentien it. Henge tells them the {nen-cembative, Str clti, Agility dB}: The beiti is meant te rentier the wearer tnere attractive
reti has special sentimental value te him and will try te snatch the reti and fly it up te its te petential mates [+2 Charisma fer 1ci4
he will happily rewarti them if Hiey can get it nest atep a very tall tewer. If it' fails its first heurs}. If it is inhalecl tee tieeply, er imbibecl,
baclt. I-le will checlt his manifest anyway, te attempt, it will just fly away. the tirinlter must malte a Spirit rell er be
see what Germinee beegh t, but he effers them everceme with iibiclineus urgings fer Erie
a further reward te ebtain the reti. If the beiti snatches the reci anti flies te the days
When Germinee was here he beught ene tep ef the tewer, the herees will have te climb
vial at each type af perfume in the stere {'1-cltl er semehew fly te the tep te retrieve it. The
varieties}. I-le alse aslteti where the lecal tewer is 1tltl' tall anti cevereti in slippery algae Whafls Next
Sin—e—gegee was. Germinee was traveling in {Climbing -2). The tewer was ence the Feulness Aplenty [Sin-e-gegue ef Stan}
the cempany ef feur cremefillians. werkshep ef a weircle, but is in ciisuse Pee Eating Grin [Llntier the Sink}
I
. .--....'. . . . 1 . . |-.l
-. -_:
Flep f.:11, a weirdo irern l‘-lea Derlquar, inside
-.-.-.
in a itypergeemetrrc en the etttslcle -
, ,
-F it s -5-‘. I I_-
.

ltyes _I'_l'l_§‘_l.l :',Ij‘.lI:t largg:__-g.er:'_:.!’t_!'le

4-!
thang_p_1t___gs lqeguh
.-‘F1.
ff —Ii'-'
,_'-fll
 ._
H gr
._. ., __
This Tale begins at Llnder
I '"_ the Sink, an eatery in l‘~lew
Clorlquar that caters to
croaches. From the outside,
the place is a big square
building coated in white
ceramic tiles that drip with all mamter of
_ colorful stains, spots, and
In
' -a oorway is a circula1' pipe and the door itself
.
-H.
resembles a gigantic drain plug. There a1'e no
windows, but the repulsive for delicious,
‘depending on who you are} stink of dung
wafts from somewhe1'e within. A couple of
elderly croaches are sitting out front, having
some sort of argument, apparently regarding
a_ barrel they have perched atop a small table
' ' een them. A large bowl of crispy brown
‘H
-wafers sits on a stoop neat to them [fried dung
_. chips). if asked what they are arguing about,
.one of the croaches declares in a raspy voice:
I after the heap have had a chance to take in
ll "This old fool says he can put solnelhing
in this barrel that will actually make itl
weigh less. Well, I think he's full of cr.ap! A l
fellow can’t go around putting stuff in!
barrels and Ina king them weigh less! It just !
ain't natural!"
ӣ't.aaal1, but indeed it is," insists the -,
fie-eond old cool. "I swear it can be done. .
without resorting to hoc us pokery, '
neither."
".i'tlrigl1tj.' then,” rasps the first geezer,
"Put yer claln sack where your mouth is.
Codger. I'm taking all bets. l’ve got me a
purse of a hundred clalns says you can't do
it!"
‘'1 ain’t belting with you. Cooler," last‘;
' while ago he nods his head a bit and says:
jime l tried this ifdidn’t work so well."
”Wl1al about you, you want in on this." l
-Cooter asks the heap. "I'll go as high as 3l}ll l
' '
clams says he can’t do it."
If the heap take the bet, Codger will put a
rock in the barrel and admit defeat, with
Cooter losing his clams. Cooter will throw a
fit, screaming at Codger. They were trying to
‘con the heap, but they forgot how to do it.
_a. __ ___.g.n__a.,_,.._ —_.,_._
"‘fuu cheated, you old fool!" Cooler
-yells. ‘”t’ou were supposed to make sure
they lost, though l can't, for the life of me,
remember how!”
"I can't remeInbeI' how to do it either!"
yellsCodger. "Eroorg damn it all! I'll give
my right nut to the first person what can
put something in the barrel that will make
it weigh less. l so declare!"
1--u—u-—u— ‘I-I '-1-.j--I -u
The answer is "a hole”. If any of the heap
figure it out, reward a benny. Coifger’s Rfglif
l a Lockpicking roll. if the heap try to smash the
Zrtest to a mundane circuspi nut on a rope
‘I-
- -1
.around his neck. Anyone who uses the nut as
a suppository becomes coated in a flexible,
peanut-like shell {armor +1}. The effect lasts
The ‘ullllalnlc Consortium siuppeseclly
" '1'!‘-
In
_'f‘..I1
F
..---''_ _ ..|'.'fi-
-_
until the user's nest bowel movement, but the vapor. The bottles are labeled ‘l. 2. and 3. The
nut can be reclaimed and reused indefinitely. scroll says the following:
Under the Sink
as the heap make their way through the
circular pipe that leads into the restaurant Master Uuufon.
they are greeted by a very large female croach.
"Welcome to Under the Sink, my little dung if 1.‘-rr.rs?.‘ you re.-nemtlrer
drops," she says. “We serve only the finest how to do fl‘-Is...
crap. How many are in your party please?" To
any non—croaches in the heap she offers capes,
bibs. and hats from a rack on the wall. These fine boffle speaks
are crafted to resemble croach parts, the hats
tarnishes. The having big googly eyes and long antennae. it the weofe truth.
is not mandatory that non—croaches wear
fin-e speaks eofy Mrs.
these, it's just to make them feel less out of
place. Croce everyone is ready she leads them 0.-as speaks fruit“ and Wes.
to a table. "Today we are serving our
all—you—can~keep—down buffet. Please help
1'
yourself at your leisure." -‘fee {roused
If the heap ask the hostess, Cloele by name,
about Gtirminee the Cioosecl, she claims to
have no recollection of his visit, although she
does say smelves rarely eat here, so such a
visit would be memorable. She will ask the
rest of the staff.
the surroundings, and perhaps help them-
selves to a bit of grub, a stout croach in a poo
stained apron comes by the table.
-- , ..._...__...__...__....._... .._._.......1
l_ "~‘.I3reetins' my lovely wittle boids. I am i
named Grossenfeffer, the perpetrator of
l this fine eatery. lvlay your antennae never
J droop and your shell remain crunchy unto
T-'-e rllnswer ris-
i eternity." The croach wipes all four hands
l.-on his apron and presents them to you for raef -Us ff-'s bofffe
I
shaking. "Clozle enlightens me you are .'
I. ' looking for a friend of you, lis true, yes no? If .'s for
E 1 -- K- Jm_—-|_j-‘:2:
Bofffe number 3
' _
Allow them to respond. If they tell him they
are indeed looking for a smelf that was here a
"
Indeed, lie was ht-.‘ne. Left a package fttr
you is what he did. Well, for someone _
anvwa v. l-le iitiitil you'd l-:.I‘1:’.H.~.-' the answer to
--r-.— -—--u.-— hi
f a Lfltlt-‘E-ili-ll‘tII‘t if you are the right uni.-‘r:-i. l-li'l.’S me
l rt'I‘1‘tet11l‘1er. .. lllllt yes, said be, “How L"lUl.l'5-
I1
I
one :_lepri't-‘e a l'lt‘.I-rlo of its nasty stink?’ Ni) '- The rlenswer is .eI-of
tltatis not it- i"'I.lltn_/'t* me to rev-rorcl, 'l-lt‘:r'w dfl In 3-offfe number 1'" -
l yo1.I keep a l_‘:tn‘lo from si‘nelliI‘1g?”
-i.r—-.n---u.:—-u.-.-——-n.i--—.u:-u.n- ...
If iri -If-F
The answer is. of course, "chop off its nose” fioffife number 3
or something similar. if the heap do not
'a-"|—|' -
answer right away. Grossenfeffer {standard
'-—-. -—u-.
-l
croach] will be suspicious and it will require
an c-pposed Persuasion roll vs. his Smarts {Lie}
to convince him to turn over the package.
-I —.-I h—.-
‘Since the heap have convinced him, he nods
slowly then leaves for a bit. When he returns a
-—u—- :
few minutes later he is carrying a small
——:—u—-1n.-.rj—--u--- I. l L-- wooden chest. "The smelf said to give this to
you." The rla.-ssnrer
The chest is locked, but can be forced open is riot‘ in '.IfI'~'s
with a successful Strength roll or picked with Eofffe
chest, they risk breaking the contents If r".'i :9‘?
{Strength roll to open, one random bottle
breaks for each raise}. Inside is a small scroll
and three glass bottles full of iridescent purple
lair hidden in the Moonular Cheese Fields.
_H'a"s'arse:ret
Ti’.--. I
I
 '
.s=r*---
if any character figures nut the puzzle [the
answer is in hnttle 3} award a ltenrw. Each
hnttle cnntains a reek. l-lere is what happens
when they are uncnrked.

Battle 1: when this battle is npened. the

purple mists cnalesce intn a humungnus
primnrtlial gnnn [page 32}. The gnnn prc-ceetis
tn attack the npening character, vinlentlp
pressing the attack until it is li.‘l :'!Sl'.!"lT.l_‘5-"~l..i.'l.Il.

Battle 2: This hnttle cnntains a Blast reek.

When it is npenetl, it will irnmecliateiy
esplnde in a dense clnud nf caustic snnt {Edd
damage. Large lilurst Template}.

Battle 3: In this hnttle is a hallucinngenic

reek. The inhaling character is grantett a
visinn_ Fteatl the fnllnwing:
.4 :n_—_n.__—.:_ _,.a.n_:._ a.__n_a:n.n.-.1 _n__n.q.-

lhe wispy purple vapnrs t.‘n'alest'e intn a

' tangilrle tentlrils tit laveritier steam. _="'ts j.-‘nu i
inhale the seeking Inist. }"tLtI'I.'|ll-E‘-ittl'-Lilli." nrl
nnt. }.'t-air heatl l‘:eg'ins In swirn anti _vnnr
hntlj.-' leels light as l-lL[l-l-. ln _1,'ntirIniI‘1tl's e1..'t= l
_i.-‘nu arc slutlging nttrtltt.-rtlitTall_'v thrnttgli an i
lI‘IlI1‘IL‘I'tHL‘ svrarnp lat tetitl Inurk anti 1
Il'lt'.'|lTt‘1'lLlt]l_1!':'ll-.' htige tlripping fungi- 'l'in_vi
split-rit'al rnnltls, l"Irillianl _"-.'elltn~.' in
anti freekletl with a;:I_Ire specks. teatenlnr] the, What's Next r a.a_.__.a...-.-,-._n._:_

Tltt‘ steps are tlannp anti stitrkj.-' anti seeln

fungi- .=-‘It l._'l'Ll.'.-{_‘-." slnell in an ennrtnntis hat Fnulness aplenty tn t'nnt'int1e intn the l."|t‘I'u.'v't'l!-i iii the t'_"liI:l'l
stantls ran stilts, appa|'trI"Ill}.' ti.-'i|‘1g tn hail‘ a Cine Sniff Tnn Man}? itselh fltttt-1r an eternitji.' nt tlesccnt, the‘
l.'3|I'{}ll.'1.'{l|Lllll." witlt stinte snrt tit reek. I Curses Sniled r‘-tgain {Gargle Twice] ftt'n't‘hlit stairs tn.'entt1allj..' entl in a tvitle
Z-1--.n--j_n.---_--u-u—u-i:--un.n—-—--1: ' -I [ Stink. Therefnre l .ftrn [The Phestcrance] t'harnher_ '|'tintln.' t't:-rinatinns nf rntrk jut
The visinn depicts Gnrminee the Gnnsed frt:-rn the eeilirig anti llt:-tn‘ 1'-.-'l1ile tinj..* spirits
sitting en a hnultl er in the Phesterance. He left
this hnttle sn Llulnn wnultl knnw where tn I ii i tter a hn ti t the rtmrn n1 naning

3 fear.-tnessa
"ll-"t.I'l'Itititintititinniintmtiti" and setting an
fintt him [This will all make sense eventually}. ei:en t'Tt‘t‘].‘|lt‘l' n1nntl_ l}irei_'tlj.-' acrnss l'TnITl
it the heap cin snrne questiflning the steps are l'l1ret-r witle stnntir tlnnrs, eath
[lnvestigatinn rnll} they learn the nnly place labeled with a stained metal plat_11.Je- 'l'hI.'
-I-"

the jrelltnv and hlue mnltt grnws is in the first, in a creepv fnnt, tlecla res:
I"-'hesterance.
in this Tale the heap travel
tn the Sin—n—gngue nf Stan in
C.nnt_anirna.nt_s Attack! search nf Cinrrninee the
the seenntl:
at snme pnint snnn after the heap acquire Gnc-sed. They must pass
the battles. thejr are ambushed lw scrme thrnugh a gauntlet nf traps
ntininns nf Llulnn Crepulns. Llulnn arrived in hefnre they will be granted an
New Clnrlquar shnrtly after the heap did. and
.2_n -u—-_j—-rui_- j_—-.2

audience with the high priest.

he's searching fer Enrminee as well. He _ anti the lhirtl:
n-rn,

learned nf the heap’s presence frnm

l l ll
Grnssenfeffer and quickly’ surnmnneci snme The Sin—n—3 ngue nf Stan
The Sin-n—gngue is a creepy stnne structure
cnntanimants tn deal with them. The _-_i-u. -i_j-i:n.- -.a—-_n-i_-

inst dnwn the street lrntn hlnsnlar Decadence. The spirits are harmless and intangible. All
cnntanimants care nnthing fnr surprise,
As the heap apprnach. read this: the}: tin is flnat arnuntt anti mnan. The three"
attacking the heap nn an npen street. in their
dnnrs each lead tn different parts nf the
-a——.—j.-jg. a. ..:—u. -_-us.-.a_a a_--

rnnrrts at an inn, nr wherever else ynu think is {3nt':-t‘lness, t:-r lack tltereiaf, this is an ntlti
cnnl. Llulnn nrderetl them tn kill the heap and sl'rt:t‘lLJI'e- Cl"r.ll-lIl.‘.‘l..‘l till a single big rnt'l-.'. anti
ttarnple. all three have handles and turnin
_. knnhs. but will nnly npen under the
hring all their pnssessinns tn him. tiesig'netl tn resei‘nl1«le snrne strange l‘tt‘.irrIetl
cnntiiti-ans descrilzretl belnw.
latte, the E-i11—ti—gtigt1t* l'l'tlI'i.ll:.' int:-l~:s twig
Cnntanimant, Bad ass {pg ‘F91: The bad ass t~rnt:-ugll tn tit }.'t}Llt‘ entire heap. let alnnt-2 a _ Dnnr 1 [Clergy]: This dnnr is nnljv npenahle
attacks with its single ntightjr fist. vi.-'l'1t:-let‘tt|1_§_;1't*gatitir1nfstanisn‘1ists_l’eering ,
I lajr flthnthnth Blech and his clergy. lsln matter
tltrnugli the npeli i'l'|I.‘.|tllll ft-“tit: see 'I.vl‘n.'_ i"'i
Cnntanirnant, Mensch {3}[pg ‘F81: The small vestil'IL_tle insitie leatls Llll't"L'tl:i.' tn a
what the heap try. Ihey can't npen it unless
rnensches will try in rust the weapnns and " they are nrtlainetl clerics nf the Stanismist
ivitie set tit stnne stairs that t‘ti:ntinLte
arntnr nf the heap while the had ass kicks their tltnt-'|*nvartl at a sltarp angle. l'_iL:tteri|1g faith (Stanisrnist Edge. Spirit d'lt'l+]. Bejrnnd
butts. ' the deer is a lnng tunnel. decnrated with
l'nrt'hes lenti an eerie cast in the whnle '
hnnes anti skulls and paintings nf cute little _.
affair anti straI1gt' stains mat the walls anti
flesnlutjnn l'lnnr_ animals frnlicking in a I'1‘tt.?Ett‘l{.‘H-‘L’. Small
After inhaling the hallucinatnrjr reek. the .- -————. -.__-.- -.- -j.---.——-.--..— —.-—_..-_ ..—-...-..—.--.-...- —--.-_.:.....—..-.._.—....u'.
windnws set intn nne wall allnw viewers tn
heap will mnst likely make plans In travel in see what gnes nn in the middle cnrridnr. at
Dnce the heap decide tn fnllnw the stairs. the end nf the hallway is a deer that leads tn
The Phesterance in sea1'ch nf Gnrntinee the
read nn:

igsc *
Gnnsed. area H.
|-_l

Stanists are weird in that they are all" tilicut people doing thelrr-tn-in’ lhang, hulgyhhtslillflhave ‘lest ta gel in.
. ' -ir ""' ta'p'ass,g .«-L‘ I

-_.i' —-n

__- -._._._
The horrid ‘Jlttle 'Il'3I'l'l'-'ll.'
Rear E- in all his edible
Beer 2 [Visiters]: Scrawled beneath the
metal plaque en this deer is the fellewing
riddle:
Wllrtl dees ."'i:'rm ilfg mere llrm: slrfjlir,
l'-l'rt.le I.l!t'H't’ llrrm lItiFT'l’".I'HiTt'lH1Tt'H'.lll'EI.l"lbl”I'l”
l="'.!l1rtllltr'l'le'tTlL the L'f'lf£l"E”JEll’tlT:g_'ffTf5 rl'r.'sr':‘r.',
'.I"lre jrtttlw l'm'ee_, the rr'e.lr :'eij:rr're.7"
Tire misr':‘sja*J.rrl.-:, the tt1rt.sl'rr.'l srtI'r‘:¢,
flirrl r.=t1trr'jjiJ:1e i.'rn'J'r'r*s in l_'il.'r’ir gs-'r1't"es?
I
I
1".‘
Beneath the riddle, a t-read rectangle is
carved inte the stene. Within the rectangle,
barely legible, snmeene has put the ward
"Ueath” in Faded brnwn paint {actually
blend]. is small, hristly paintbrush and a raaer
hang en strings frem a peg en the deer. The
answer te the riddle is "hlething"_ In erder tn
npen the deer, a persen must simply scnur the
_ bleed frem the rectangle {the brush
"fine fer this}, se that it is empty.
rectangle is cleaned nf bleed, the
eperl ef its ewn accnrd, allnwing
reem at.
Deer 3 [Cengre gatien}: This d eer will epen
l'-reely fer anyene with the E-tanismist Edge. It
leads te a leng cnrrider lined with small
windews thrnugh which ene can view the
happenings in the tentral cerrider. Several
stanismists {Eds} standard peeps et any
species] are in this hallway, eagerly
anticipating the shew. They will greet anynne
whe enters, then gn back te their ewn selfish
indulgences r-‘kt the end ef the hallway is a
if" deer that leads in area I—t.
if
The Sin-e-gegue at Stan in New Elerlquar errupleys diieerrs at "servants just to reset its many traps and tests.
1% H.
—_..a_:n. a.,_a_n__n_n.a.
l |_eering liaces are i‘ar'l,-'e+.l inte the rnugh
_p_
slene et this small i.'h.an1l‘+er_ |Jiret'tly ai_'re:ss ‘
lrern _
‘I,-‘nu a thick
resn.-snl‘+liI1:._1;a leeI'iI1g lace, stares tirttnkenly, I
£1 I1:_‘ir1't}1n' keyhele hett-vt=.-en its e_ves_ In the 1
.“_-j_n._ n_.- .a_ center till” the rnnnt is a sht:-rt wt:-ntlen tahle, l
atnp vrltirlt rests a cauldren l1urin1:1‘tinj._‘§ vrit'h .l
.|.
sl1iI1iI1gje'n=els_ lieneulh the table, resting t:-n
. ct plusli red carpet", is n elm.’ jug-
_ . n_ .n_
j 1 in the ceiling as 4.. lu'illiant r.‘l'un'n_lelier
l-I""l- ' ' '—1—'—" 1'1;
Llpen cleser inspectien, the heap will nntice
the jewels are all glued te each ether and tn
the cauldrnn_ The cauldrnn is ten l-rig tn tit
thrnugh either deerway. The key tn the
face—shaped deer is hidden inside the
cauldren and beneath the jewels. The cencept
here is te preve nne’s greed by ungluing the
jewels and cellecting them fer eneselt. The
glue is very strnng and the jewels can’t be
pried apart. It jug ei' streng alcehet [such as
the E-agger Greg served at The Peirrty Tlrhig, a
at small tavent a bleck trem the Sin—e—gegue)
spier-slur will disselve the glue. Fire will melt the glue,
but the smeke Frem such an endeaver is te:-tic
{Everynne in the reem must make a ‘v'iger rell
er be Fatigued fer ‘I d4 heurs].
In the jug is a thick metal key with an amber
handle. This key is a trap, placed here te feel
these whe aren't greedy eneugh te take the
jewels. When it is placed in the keyhele a burst
ei-' electricity runs aleng its length, inflicting
Elle damage en wheever helds it. r't similar
fate awaits anyene whe tries unsuccessfully tn
pick the cc:mj.':lel-i leck nr disarm the trap
{l-ecltpicl=:ing -4].
I-tnyene whe inspects the faces en the wall
may net-ice each ene helds a thick glass panel
in its meuth. These are windews that lead tn
the hallways en either side et the reem.
Eitanisrnist_s can be seen watching Frem
beyencl and laughing at the hr.-ap’s Fnlly. The
windews are less than a yert (‘t’) wide and are
very thick {Tnughness 'lf1}_
Beneath the jewels {varieus bits nf jewelry;
will werk tetal value '1 l_l,lJlltl clams} is a glimmering
{Since the metal key that epens the I’ace—shaped deer,
deer will
which epens inte reem E.
access tn
Rt:-urn ll: The Test cit Eluttnny
a-i_,-. .-—.2.
This rritittrtitilcs t*trrtTsi:11il;tt' l'lT_l'l'tt.‘ last”-I
ene. lhe epjmsile deer reseI‘nl‘rles a lace
j
l_e11t'engain, nltlietigli this rate is pudgier
than the last. The |n,'im.li.n~.'etl laces en the
. lett wall are fat and jelly, vvhile. thn,=—',e en the j5
'
right are gaunt and st:11's-'I_1lar_ 'l'l1e center et
l the reem is tt‘tl-<.t‘t‘I up liy n vest l‘2It1I‘tI..jLJl.-'l' i
l table, -:n'et'l'lt:-vriI*Ig vt'ill"I tlelicicrus—s:‘nelling
E ttttitls nncl wines. .«"t platjue en the wall ,
l-
-, rend s."
l reem C will epen en its ewn.
j "1-iia, 'l'|1inee.t~ll, er lle 'r1snesi.-If F_ated.._" J
i -
? iii‘
The feed, a huge abundance et
meats, Fungi, and pastries, is all Fresh
and delicieus [ifs actually enchanted
and evil, net feed at all, and in a
typically had mend, but mere en that in
a bit}. The deer is lecked and dees net have a
neticeable lteyhele. DITEE the entire heap is in
the reem, the deer trem Reem A will slam
shut', lecking them inside. Dnce the deer
shuts, read this:
,._.. ,,._--........ _- ._ ..__......
_p__nj _-.-.n.j—.n .
F
.
Uh crap, ynu lsnew snirii-tl1it1g lil-.'.e lhisi
else l
stene t.lt'.'H'.'|I', wt:-uitl lhtppen. fits seen as the deer slams
j ,' shut l*Iehintl ynu ca:*ulles i.'r.m:_‘-_--all.-*i.l 'n-'ithin l
several nt the ~.vell—tTa.11‘~.-'ea1 l'at'es gutter
l
j atlarne, spreading a tlicl-.'.ering, mend y
illtmiinatien ncress the l1nL|ntitt1l sp1‘I.‘t1r.l',
l lit-'li11'e _'-,-'-nu. .="*. rnl_'i'l1elii‘Ig snuntl nriginnles'j
'2-"-'-"'I—I" ‘HIT?-I-I '—'
l jaggi=u_l metal and crystal shard:-'. slinvly ntj
tiestreiids trern tlie tlnrl-mess nlun-'e, a small
j scnip el pa n.'l1n1enl ltctitgs lil-.'.e a j‘u'it'-_-r tag j
_ Frnm its tinclersitle and n Lit};-'.t.‘i‘t er i-it] unlit
i't'Ini.lles ring its girth-
...—.—.. .....—,_ ..—....--—-....- __-...-.....—.—e.—._—. -IL
The scrap et parchment reads, "r5u'e yeu a
member ef the Happy Plate Club?” en ene
side, and "hie Levin’ Unless Yeu Finish Yeur
Supper!" en the ether.
Here's the deal, the chandelier slewly
inches its way dewn lrem the ceiling. Every
few minutes {five te be precise] ene et its
candles spentaneeusly ignites. It will take ene
heur fer all twelve tn light, but ence they de,
the crap hits the fan, se in spealt. At this peint,
all uneaten feed in the reem gains a mind et
its ewn, slithering tegethe1' inte a bipedal
mass ef angry cemestible rage. The size and
pewer ef the erganjsm depends en hew much
feed is left, but regardless ef its size, it will
immediately rip the chandelier lirem the
ceiling and cemmence te bashing the heap. if
the heap light the candles p1'ematurely, the
beast will term immediately. If they
e:~ttinguish any et the flames, the candles will
reignite ei their ewn accerd. [F the heap
semehew manage te deveur er destrey all et
the feed in the reem, the beast will ebvinusly
net ferm.
Te determine the pewer ef the beast, figure
the fellewing: there are 5|] yerts [SI] peunds}
ef teed en the table. A typical character can
eat ene yert el feed in an heur witheut getting
sick. Each additienal yert requires a "v"iger rell
in erder te aveid barfing {any puke in the
reem will add te the mass el the beast}. The
Viger rell has a -1 penalty fer every ye1't et
teed beyend the secend that the character is
_n.. a.n—u. .-
trying te deveur. Hercs can eat twice as much
feed as ethers, in additien te whatever they
can stere in their gullet. As the heap glut
themselves, chants ef "Chug, chug!” and
"hdmmnun Tasty!" can be heard frem beyend
the walls.
Vittle Varmint {pg 142]: The beast will
attack until it is destreyed.
‘Since the menster is destreyed, the deer te
-— ""'

'1-1"-m-I‘ "1--'-H-'l""I-Fri‘-' 'I' * I--J-"j-I "-
Rtiem C: The Test [it Elluth
_._n...n._ _,__-.a.._._2_n_-,_
l Sufferiii' seeks. dude, this place is pesh. l
Pi. ginerineiis circular hed deniinates the
elegant chaniher, piled with layers efj
delicate li-lankets and sheets weven
freinj
the glittering hull juice ef seine kind el
werin. The walls, carven with sleeping i
faces and yawning l't'ti.l‘|.'t't-i- are light hhte in ll
celer. llanging frern the ceiling, directly
alv.we the hed, is a huge inc-hile that spins »_.
slewly in a cii'cle, chltning a delicate
lullaby, and dripping with plush j
repi'eseniatiens.. ef ancient Dith animals.
The deer en the eppesite wall depicts the
sleeping face ef a larval creach, its eyes
dree pin g in sl ll It'll‘-'1.-" r.
- 2.-I--jun"-J:
This is simply a nice place fer the heap te
rest. There are ne traps here, and the deer te
reem D epens easily. The bed is extremely
cemfertahle and sleeps six. If the heap spend
at least twe heurs resting here, give them a +'l
Charisma henus when they finally speak with
C}tt-ietheth tilech later en, since he respects
their slethful ways-
lltuern D: The Test uf Lust
‘
This sIi=iit.'.cy rni:-in is Ll|'.‘t'l‘l.'t.‘l..‘l nut in at
111tl]1I'lL‘I' ‘very similar hi the last tl-I‘lL-T. fitgaiii
jcliiininatecl hy a inassive rtiulicl lied, itksl
l di.*i.‘i.ir£ttei.l Intire like an ttirgy
pit lh€tI'l all It
nursery. The lighting is di1Ti and setluflrive, l
the silken sheets re-:.| and lustful. instead ef
a playful rnehile, a leather pleasure swin g
hangs frem the denied ceiling, swa_ving
gently laack and ftirtli, The seunds til at
i.‘l1ickawii+.‘ka guitar and n'ieari_s til pleasure 5'
I L‘C|l'l'IL‘ irnin sri|1iewl'ii.-:I‘I'.* ui1_l<J‘1i.‘ivvi"I.
+-___._-i__...:-:__-:.—
Whats geing en here is this: Dee ef the
pillews en the bed is actually a shapechariged
rnilf. She [er he} will watch the heap fer a few
minutes, deciding which ene te seduce. ‘Since
she has made her decisien, she'll crawl eut
frem under the cevers, leeking all seductive
and stuff in the guise ef a sexy member ef the
character's species. The mill will try her
hardest te seduce the character, asking the
ethers te ge track in the nursery reem se they
can have seine privacy. If they agree, she will
have her way with the subject character, whe
will have a grand time since she is quite
talented. If they refuse, er the subject spurns
her, she will threw a tantrum and start
peuting- She says the enly way she’ll tell them
Perhaps The rni:is'li amazing thing asauitsiaiiia is ‘their ability ta ssallcuai and .:aa»:t”ii"'
' . 3.
1--— _"-
.T'y.
f.llIl‘l€lREfiA'TlliIl‘l Tllllllll
.4Iflag-xfi
' iitfllél’
3 ,
gtfllle
l‘ll|\l|\lEl.
-1-—' éfl "1
the passwerd that epens the deer te the nest
reem is if she can have her w-ay with him. If
they still refuse, she will use her tengue fu te
reach under the heel and arm herself with the
meet edged speen cencealed thereunder,
with which she will attempt te emasculate the
effen ding character.
Milf [pg 31]: The milf will fight te the
death, screaming and hissing the whele time.
If the heap de as the milf bids, she will tell
them the secret te epening the deer te the neat
reem. "Sunder the had duckies," she will
mean, just trefere dieing ef seme spent-aneeus
venereal disease. "its under the hed, the key
a.
is,” is what she actually said, but let the heap
a—u-—
figure it eut fer themselves. A successful
search ef the reeni {Netice -2] will lead them
te the key anyway. Llnder the mattress is a
gigantic weeden key. It fits the leek en the
deer, which epens te Eeem E. The leck is hard
te epen witheut the key [Leckpicking -3}.
Reiirn E: The Test {it Pride
.,_n_a.-..-._n___-__.,_ aa_ —_n.n.n. 1,:-_a._:. .
Elk, this is kind ef weird. This reeni isn't
much ef a reetn at all, its just a king, unlit i
hallwa_v. lr":."ay at the ether end, a ceuple ef
‘ deicen yerts er se dew n the cerrider, there
l appears te he anether deer. Strange
; lettered tiles lerni a single rew dew n the
center ef the fleer, spelling the phrase
j " Dnl y the ceel shall pass. "
The hallway is enly wide eneugh fer ene
character te walk clewn at a time [unless the
characters are esceptienally small}. The gist ef
the reem is this: in erder te pass threugli the
J
deer at the end ef the hall, a character must
preve hew prideful he is try strutting his way
acress the fleer in a pimpular fashien. If he
clees se, and makes a successful Spirit rell, the
deer will epen fer him. If net, the deer will
remain clesed. It is pessilsle fer the deer te
epen fer ene persen hut remain clesed fer the
nest, seeing as te hew it’s magical and all
{Leckpic king -4].
Return F: The Test ef Wrath
-—ri_r-._a_-.n n. nu. a-I.-u—n.
l :.— .i_'-"'
lllig this, j.'tii_i are standing in a small 3
5'i‘et.‘tangLilaii' t:harnl*ier with l'1'lII'.‘.It‘.|l.‘l!'~'ul'.:lll‘ll.-'.'Ll r
' that heuses the fake deers will fall inward,
walls anti flirt:-rs. 'l-‘t"'ic'l~;i.:cl spikes hang in
liristling i'ri.:-vi-"us fri:-ni the t,‘i.'iling, tlrippiitg '“
with fnul 'i'ei1i.it'ns and siliiliiig va_pi.:ars_
y'si‘r""'iiaa
'-"
__
- T- 4
[leur-s ti: Elsewhere
-jj
.
—&-'--—'-111 I"-1--1?—-bi -——'E—--I -I-til-"1I-"'-I‘-"-i'I"'—I'€'h-I-" "'j-‘*1:-"‘— ‘iv -1---'5 Ij— --""11"""""1--fl"-- '
a__-.,__p.__..n.n_ _ _ . q I.|._|_-. -a_u_n.,_,u __a.__ _-a-u..,_ a._.,__1_,a___
‘l?lire~ctl_v ai.'ri.iss frnrn viii.i are live huge '5.
‘ mt-=.tal dcii:-rs, tititiveeii v-.:liicl1 three lt.-vi.=rsji_1t
frnni the wall- 'l'in_v litilt-s line l.l'|t-.' vr‘t‘ills te
the left antl right and a varied assrirtirient
E
‘tit lt-""..-'l‘l".'-i-, kt‘iiil‘rs, l"ILitl'nns, and clntiliiekies
Ii‘.-1'I.‘|'I't‘ZIL1lI tn:-i‘i‘i the walls like ptihirs tin an
l 1_lI‘tl~.'.i.-.‘]"!l‘tj‘!Il't'I'Illl:.
'l
i
lJallT1l't‘Ll tin tliv fltiiir is the ltilltiwillg
1
I
l vei'st1:
,' l-leiirl Eiieiy Di_"Ei'fc‘r'
l Hejie E hE’l'lfrl'f Reality
E Rcrilly ls Ntfifflftlg Geerl "I1. '
.I,.._
‘e
-u.n. -i._ _-u.--1: -:9 _-i_.-.-i_-i.-_ ..-u-i___-.—_ — _i---u.n. ._-_-_ -—j- _-u—
E1
The deers are net really deers at all, just
metal plates disguised as deers- r-‘tny attempt "tar:
te epen them will set eff an anneying trap.
Whenever either deer is teuched with any
pressure, such as an attempt te ferce thern
epen er pick the incredibly cemple:-i. fake
lecl-cs {Leckpicking -4 te realize they are fake}, - 1-
the spikes en the ceiling will descend anether
yert er twe with a ratcheting gre-an. Each
descent ef the spikes causes the stanismists
-_. a_n.n.a.,_.;.-.-_n. _ .. n_n__g____n.._,_
watching threugh the tiny heles in the walls
te l.‘rLIl‘5'il: inte laughter. ‘”l."eu genna die," they
taunt, and ”Sucks te he yen!" The writing en
E the fleer is meaningless, simply a way te
i further infuriate the heap as they try tcr
l decipher its cede.
Similarly, the levers and whatnet en the
l
walls are all traps. Each time any ene ef them
is manipulated er damaged a painful splat‘ --.~--..;_ I
caustic gee squirts the effending character fer
Ecle peints ef damage and the stanismists rear
with laughter.
in fact, the stanismists are merciless with
their taunts [as befits their nature). They never"
shut up, launching insult after insult at the
heap.
I-‘after three attempts te epen the deer, the
spikes sheuld he lew eneugh that the taller
characters will need te steep te aveid getting
st-al:at*:ec1_ At this peint, elevate the jeers and
taunts frem the stanismists. The peint is te get" '_
the heap really mad, hepefuliy arguing with I
it
each ether aheut the best way te escape. Brice"
the stanismists feel the heap is angry eneugh,
ene ef them will pull a hidden lever that
a-u.-—i.r-j---_i-ta-u—u. in-_a-u. -.-i.-—
retracts the spikes back up teward the ceiling._,-
Elnce the spikes are retracted, the entire ‘la[a_.l.l___1_" '
crushing any character whe fails an Agility
rell fer Ede peints ef damage. Characters whe
make their Agility rell have managed tejugp
......_..l ‘TI’
-I.."'|
_ _ atu'pii.rhslggL-gag-#_'taaguaa.
' _-
fm-- ‘wir- "'a.'...f '-- -

I 1"‘;
1-. . ..-‘ - c.3-
" "amp the wall befere it hits the greund. Read:
um _|—
I
The wall crashes re the gruund with a
reseunding thud. Ftll manner ef gears and ,
chains spreut frem its baclcside, but that's 1
; net what draws yeu immediate atlenlien.
Wlittt draws yeur immediate attentien is
the chatnber beyend, mere specifically the
gleatning Inelal deer set inte the wall ef the
chamber beyend. As yeu gain yeur
bearings yeu nelice a lai'ge tI'apdeeI' set
inte the ceiling abeve. Suddenly the
trapdeer upens, spewing fert h an
assertnient ef repes and chains that dangle
te the fleer beleiw. llefure yeu can react, a
swarm ef hid eeusly disfigui'ed little
beasties begin te climb their way dew n the
repes, mumbling and gai'gling as they
wield bene axes and menace _veu with their
' evil stares.
-—--— .-u-..,—-—-u--.-.......- —.— -—-..--....—.-:..I-.-.--- --...—_.----—-—i_.-1-it-—
- The creatures are scary ass muthas. They
we in an apartment abeve the chamber and
_- _ ‘ it werlc fer the Sin—e—gegue.
Scary Ass Muthas (1 ll} [pg 33}: The muthas
in- - .will fight te the death, being sadistic bastards
and all. They are armed with bene axes
[Str+fi]. Cine ef them has a metal ltey glued te
his belly {it epens the deer te lteem {S}.
Area C: The Test uf Envy
;_a.,:... ._— ,_,_,_a.._. a.._g..a.,_a.1.._.._.
Past the metal deer is yet a nutheI' small l
-fem. This ene seems pretty straight—
ferward. Twe painted weeden deers are
set inte the eppesite wall. Cline depicts a fat
i
creach dripping with jewels and fine l
clethes. [Jeaens ef females attend his every lI
desire and a bread smile graces his face.
The secend deer is painted with an image
ef a scrawny, malneurished werln. He sits
in a field ef brightly celered flewers, 9
' i wearing a lie-dyed shirt and fringed pants.
lfthe deerltneb en the first deer is teuched,
the painting magically cemes alive (well, the
meuth anyway}. The creach’s meuth epens
wide, ferming a darlt hate in the deer. ’’Give
me my due,” he says. in under fer the deer te
‘t-
vepen, the heap must feed him at least Stllltl
clams werth ef jewelry fhepefully they still
"
id.
have the gneds frem Area rt}. at l“~.'letice rell
_«»__“-‘[.means the heap have recegnized seme ef the
"ll-
jewels painted en the deer as these frem rtrea
{Since the deer is fed, it will epen by itself.
1" The deer is very thiclt, since it centains a
- serveirfer the jewels.
:-
When the deerltneb ef the secend deer is
teuched, the hippie werm epens his
ble-edshet eyes, leelts areund slewly, and
J-__ then says, in a space—eut veice, "Give me what
I deserve, brether.”
In erder te epen this clear the heap must
pummel the painting ef the werm er slap him
amend a bit. Dnce they de, the deer will epen
-.--I-- by itself.
Beth deers lead te area H.
[ll:h_ethe1:l'r E-leclt is. ‘the
. 1-0
. ..__._.
-I-' I
_
_
_ rh
-'u
area H: The Sin-e-gugue
-"
_._n.._.1. ‘I P
1 It great sI‘nalti.=I‘ing uf applause
l vuu as _vI:.:-1.1 er1‘u'.-rrge in he a huge cl"iarnber nt
l i'tn:gl1 stt:-ne and gultering r_'antlles. t
r'tssenil'tletl lx-tfnrc vi:-u are Ll{'.|.'r'.f.‘l'I‘.'-3 ref F.-tan 1
vvursliippers, tlecl~;i'i.l nut in faticy rnaslcsl
and painted h-ntlii.*s_ 'l'l'tc cI'cn-vcl P-'.Irts as
l yt-nu apprnacli, ftnrning a path that leads up
'
t‘.|l'It't'l an altar tleclcecl nut in plush pilltn-vs
' and luxuriuus scifns. Sittillg cin t}l'lt." stifa is a
' rnuscular werni with a frcal~ty tnaslc en his
“1?n_F-:_
face and a lit candle ate p his pninty l1eai.l_
'l'ttt= werm puts the st:-fa next tn l'|ltTI,
""I"t:-u are vi-'eli_'cit'nr-- lwre, LtI1I‘t;‘pe|‘1taI‘1tst-uls.
l trust jg,-'nu've hrnuglit rne a suitable gift?"
-:I r———-—-- —---r '1-u—'---u-pl‘--—u|"j-I
The stanismists are a mix ef creaches,
.u n-._ n_. _-i. ,_.ni-uj—
werms, and the eccasienal cremefillian. The
werm en the sefa is Cltltetheth lllech, High
-i____.-
'l-
Priest ef Stan {page 'l4fl). Cince the heap have
l
settled themselves entn the sefas, Elthetheth
-I -. .__-
effers them refreshments frem a tray {fried
tvleenular cheese nuggets and beer}, and asks
them what they want. if the heap effer him a
gift, he will be mere inclined te b-e truthful in
his dealings with them {semething geed, net
ene ef these lame lanyards er pethelders yeu
made in summer camp}.
Clf ceurse, being the high priest ef a religien
deveted te lies and deceptien, Clthetheth is
net prene te truth—telling unless it suits his
needs. Luckily fer the heap, it currently suits
.._._a _—_n_a.._—,_;_ his needs te tell them what he ltnnws abnut
Germinee. Have ene character
Persuasien rell, medified by +'t»:t depending
en the value ef the gift, with an extra +'l if they
slept in Reem C. The infermatien Clthetheth
l divulges depends en the degree ef success:
l Failure
Germinee was here, but he was ltilled and
sacrificed te Stan [a lie}-
i Success
Germinee came here a while age [he
—-..—J
cleesn’t remember exactly hew lung age) in
the cempany ef feur cremefillians. He was
leelting fer a map ef the Fhesterance, which
flthetheth ewned, and effered te trade
semething ceel [net telling what) in exchange.
Clthetheth accepted his deal, giving Germinee
the map, which leads te an ancient abandened
sire-e—geg‘Lle deep in the swamp.
Raise
‘-Serminee mentiened that he was meeting a
friend fer lunch at Under the Sink.
The abandened sin—e—gegue en the map
heused part ef the Staff ef Priselti [whatever
that is.. .1.
Twe Raises
The thing Germinee traded fer the map was
the srnell—e—visien he stele frem the Garden ef
Smellemental Glee.
rt cremefillian with an eye patch was here
yesterday leelting fnr {.'3tirminee_
Dtltetheth traded the smell-e-visi-an te the
cremefillian fer a large pirate, a mug ef beer
and seme awkward tenderness.
preutl e'wI1_er_e__f_Dith‘s largest
"3-I:iF'_
.F'
fleaelutien
The Stanismists allew the heap te leave
--1-u.-1...-1---Ir
greets _5
unmelested [unless the characters start a fight
er semething}. if they eventually bring
Cltlietltetlt p1'eef ef Germinee’s demise {such
as the map he gave him}, Clthutheth will give
them each a single clam, but he will leelt his
must handseme when he dees it.
l
lI What's Next?
Fee Eating Grin
t Cine Sniff Tee lvlany
'
Curses! Seiled ritgain {Gargle Twice]
The lvluclc Starts Here [T he Fhesterance}
I—--—---ur -u-I---I 1-.- 1
l C1;«l:t-’$'.%Fr,
l
The heap will need many ef their wits te
selve this mystery. Sir ‘tfernix Lanuge, Lerd ef
Gargle Twice, has gene and get himself
cursed {sert ef] and his servants need help in
lifting the ensercelment that leaves him
trapped in the bedy ef an infant. Clur stery
begins as the heap travels the wilderness read
frem either ‘fapple er "ferf.
[tn the Read
make a The citadel ef Gargle Twice sits atep a huge
muuntain ef filth in the middle ef a vast
stretch ef mess, meld, and crumbled stene.
Caravans and travelers jeurneying aleng the
dusty trade read between Yapple and ‘ferf
eften step at the citadel fer a bit ef
entertainment and safety frem the many
heri'id mensters that prewl the land.
The jeurney frem either Yapple er Yerf te
Gargle Twice sheuld talte a typical caravan
3-4 days everland threugh messy scrublands
and eccasienal ferests uf meld and petrified
trees. As the heap malce the jeurney, either
alene er in the cempany ef a caravan, they
enceunter the fellewing bexed text:
:__,.j._...-__j ::_ _j_,_ j _
l l-le}.-‘, vvlt:tt's that smell up altcatl?
fiurttctltiltg, rnclst liltt-t-ly that thin plumtr nf
‘
strml-te vvisping tr.'It.'l"i'.r.'IL'lill‘.'-.'-ll.'t.'Ill_'i.-' frunt i.vitl‘1in :
4 that g1‘t:-vi: nf pI_rt1'ificd trljres en the lmrixntt,
l srnells Llistimtly like '.-iI‘l"li.ll-iT.f.‘ wisping frnnt a
greve inf pet1'ifiL'd trees. Ills _'-,'tr1_1 purJni.ler its
st:-uI'ce a feeble, guttu ral n'lcran utters frnrn
"
within, Cleeeeeeer:-eeut:-e."
1 mm :_:--
Indeed a narrew tuft ef dark purple smelte
is waiting in this directien. The read, a filthy
and barely navigable trail ef mud and meldy
gravel, that the heap are currently traveling
leads directly inte the greve ef petrified trees.
The mean means en fer a few minutes then
falls silent. Sheuld the heap elect te enter the
greve, read this:
It The meldy trail winds ttireugh lew.
f beulders and sandy muclt, meandering its
F"
way inte the dart»; and ferebeding e1'cha1'd
as the smelty cu |'l begins tu fade. A deeper l
,
tellectieri ef decorative dinnerware.
 stenc 1, e119 t1at 1'99 "s distinct y e rett'e11
feet, eezes i1'e111 witl1i11. A thick, greasy rai11 -
begins te fall, pattering its way thretiglt tl1e l
ste11y bra11cl1es a11d dappling everythi11g
with iclsy 11111cls:.
As ye11 911te1' ll1e dis111al grcive it b9ce1119s I
very ehvieils tl1al a tight l1as 1'ece11tl y t.al~;9~11
' place l191'e. Gebs el i'1'ei|1y wl1ite lhtid cling
_te varieus 'h1'a11c|19s, I11i11gled vi-'itl1 greall
splatterings 111‘ red and ptirple gee p. 1"». large
sentething, geeey a11d green, s111elde1's l
seitly i11 tl1e falling drizzle, filling tl19 air:
with tl1e st911cl1 el b11I'11i11g cl1eese. They
sc911e is a grizzly 1.1119 i11d9ed. Se1119e11e,';
seve1'al se111ee11es by tl1e leelv. ef it,
ehvietisly died here, b11t wl1e1'e are tl19
hedies?
"l-I—aIIrIII-1-Ir'l-—I-‘I---u—I I1.-.1--1---In-"-1-ti
The meund is cemprised et the mutilated
bedies ef twenty feur werms and eight
cremetillians, all victims and casualties ef a
recent ambush by The Teeth ef the
Checegatnr, a sect ef ]emirr1a's Witnesses up
te ne gee d. The ce rpses have been thereu ghly
savaged, but a few we-apens er bits ef artner
might be salvaged by a persistent heap. The
mean centes fren1 iviinty Fresh Breath, a
desperately injured werm trapped within the
meund. He is the enly surviver -:11’ the ambush
{aside trem the assailants, et ceurse). ivtinty
Fresh Breath’s bedy has been teen in half,
with his legs and lewer terse lest semewhere
unpleasant. He painfully sq_I_1irn1s and
squiggles |1is way eut ef the pile, hc:-pehllly I
with assistance frem the heap. Clnce he is_
'-1rII1-|-I.--
revealed read this:

"Ugggggggg..." The vivisected w9r111-if

Where indeed? rtillew the heap te
investigate the scene. l—lere are seme things _ clesperatelj,-' squiggles l1is way item the
that are ebvieus en inspectien: i 11111111111 ei cerpses, his guts spilling aleng
behind. "El9al~:y 111ull1a grablaers celd
-B: The smeldering hunlr. ef cheese was ence
5 wupped e111’ sr11'ry cans. Was ce111i11’ aleng
a wagen ef seme sert, but it has been melting
Fer a while and is barely discemable- The sweet as ca11 be, we was, deliverin’ this here
~_ slab in glass [rein the Teats." I-le pauses te
weeden wheels and metal axles |1ave been
reme-ved and are stacked neatly te either side l st1Il'l' his dangling intestine bacl-: inte his
1
ceeie-111. '”'r’e, dig a11ybr1dy [incl 111y letals I "
ef the wreckage.
I be jazzed te reattach. flip dezer."
-B: The red and purple geep. threwn abeut
"I-leary as ca11 be, celd ass 11111ll1as de11e
in great pretusieri, is ebvieusly bleed. Bits ef
ripped inte eiir shizz with the stabbi11' a11d
guts and the eccasienal eyeball er chunk et
the slashi11' a11d the celd, celd ireezy
werr11 flesh are evident as well. '
freezes. ivlinty Fresh Breath de119 gel
-153: The white ireth appears te be
cremefillian bleed [partially hydregenated chapped in lwai11. scirry sight he be
animal and,’ er vegetable shertening}. sl1c1w11."
-£3: There are a whale mess ef scuffle marks Here's the deal, Minty Fresh Breath and his
all acress the meldy greund. Whatever fight fellews were hired by the Cheesemengers
happened here was a pretty big ene. Guild in Mean kaas te deliver a massive slab“
ef glass they acquired in Cilevvhie te Gargle
with a successful netice rell the heap r1'1ay Twice. They were suppesed te bring it te Sir
discever this stuff: ‘Uerniz Lanuge, altheugh l'vlFB dees net knew
-is r-"1 greup ef teerprints. accempanied by why. Betere they ceuld reach the citadel they
drag marks and bleedy smears, leads eff inte were ambushed by a bunch el’ crernefillians
the grave en ene side ef the wagen. This leads wearing weird headdresses. |'=‘resumably the
te The Bedy Pile, described belew. cremetillians stele the glass slab, since it's net
-153: A larger greu p et prints centinues aleng with the remains ef the wagen. There was at
the trail in the directien the heap were least ene Itecus peker arneng the
eriginally traveling. These lead bacir. ente the cremetillians.
trail te C-iargle Twice but disappear after a few If the heap effer te heal lvlFB, he acce 1;
hundred yerts. their help then crawls eff en his ewn after";
-1%: Beneath the stacked wagen wheels is a answering any questiens they may have. it
severed cremetilliari hand. It wears a ring asl-zed abeut tl1e slab_ ef glass
_ _ he says:
_.
made ef mucesite melded in the shape at a ' 1 P‘
-_.un.:. - i "'l'ri}*1 s11a1.1sag1t wiggly Lliggly, hrislcy _
_r- . i '.
giggity [value ”lfll.'lfl clarnsj. The ring is
__ u-
-I'' -j
r - -at-u -_L- —. . . ._
-1.

[ slab was a circle 111LIll1a, 'l1r1ut lltree lviinty

-I-_. _ - I - — _
—.- _ 1.

enchanted, granting its wearer the Giggity

. . r
- -_--_ . _ .- - -.
..

‘;I l-'1'esl1 lireaths 111T1‘1'1ss and e1l‘I1'11_1t yay tl‘1i1:lt,"

.

Ciigger Edge. he l'1t_‘Ilt.lF-'- his ar111s al‘111ut hall" a yrtrl a1.1fl1‘l.

"[fl1'1111=! t1‘11i_iei.l l'111'1.'L11'1ls i11 C-lt:-vvl1ic1_"
The Bedy File: A few dezen yerts inte the [
greve, it the heap fellew the tracks and drags, Minty Fresh Breath {standard werr11}[pg
they will find a mest grizzly site. at small 13-ti}: l'vlFE- is i11 really bad shape. He speaks
clearing heuses a herrid meund ef mutilated mestly in slang and is a deveut l-ieerrtanu
bedies, brelteri weapens. and dented arnter. itaria11.
Read this as they appreach:
It the heap search the bedy pile they may
._ I e_-....._j ,__ _j,_ _,j.._,_ -_ ._ * ._. .,_e_.__j ___. -1 _ j. I
T
i 11111L1I1ti 11f 111utiiatc-d l1r.'1cli1-:s. see111i1tgly
I.|

llrtly l-il_ll:lt?1'iI'lfl e11‘I11pits 1-l l3t111rgl1-z11I'_' 1"‘-is l ——-

find the F-:1|lr:-wing: a spliced l1eir11et{arr11t1r +2,
lytiu l:r1|l111v the drags 1:19-_=per intact the- lettual i.‘?'i;'tTl.F- vi.-'e1'1‘1‘1s and 1'11.-*111el'illic1I‘Is, is
Str +1, at’ +2), a jug ef beeze [fermented
'-
1-;
‘

[ asse111blecl in the 1‘.e11te1‘ 11I: it tlis1111al gladt.-_

- I

l pelrihetl vr-:111ds a |‘1‘111sl l111rI'IfIL'1t11cl gI'1z.'r.l_'I.' j, cheese juice werth Biltl clams}, a strange
'1 I r
n.- 1-—

i greets yr11_1_ 5-lure, yr11_1've seen cnrpses i i E-1-*1.-'1.rI'11l +.‘ar1'i1111 lmids si.1L1awl-.'. anti fly away
sigl1l' headdress {Jemin1a's Witnesses may receg~
l_1el't‘.1r1.', pr1111ably even creailed a f1*11'. lat _vr.11_11‘ app1'-:111cl1 as :1 iuvv, l'-t‘.'i.'.l.‘ti1.‘. 11111a|1
nize this as belenging tn the Teeth ef the
'IJl—I.'uI.'
n

l111l:; vi-'l1i111pers lrc111‘1 sr.1111ev1-'l1er9 vvil'l1iI1 the

11ever like this! I 11191111, _l1_1|111,'Ii11’ leli.-'ist1|1 :1 E Checegater with a Smarts rell}, and a magical
pi lit, "Cit‘:-£1111:-r‘1t1111111r1111111_ . _”
pttgtt slicl-1:, ll1is is st11'1‘1e griatzly stuff. .n 1-pa-I u.n
threwing brick {Ed-4, range 'l5f3fl;‘EB}.
-u—:--u- rlj—u.n_n-1--—u.1—— _n- —u_n_ -ma-—-—u.-——1.1-u--I.-Z-1a.a.—_n--—--u_—-.n_1-—_ _--uu-J
In.‘

The Teeth at the Iiltetegaier is named l"er""':1n incredibly huge brecedileg-I.-k'e'pt as a Heemanhajggt _:El_'l1e_ i:I_.1|l:‘s fetiricler.
g51§1gige_s§1E .-'1-E. I
|_-,1‘
 ‘In.
‘I
"hi-The Read (Again)
.
Presumably the heap will centinue en te
Gargle Twice. As they leave the petrified
greve seme beired tezict amhushes them like a
:-____~'- herde ef thugs:
r'ltfte.r several lttiurs nl ted icnis tI‘el-cl<:ing
r‘.1L‘I‘ess yttrts and _vn|'ts tif recky rnildew and
' prairies
tcif brightly bliltrlning 1TInld the
citaclel ef l.'_}argle Twi-_‘.e rises beycind the
hflri.'acn1. lI11pt1ssil'il_'I..-' tall and rudely
suggestive, the carveri trwvers and le-fty
I'r'lii'ta1‘ets sprnut lil-ce t‘t‘ll_tEi.l'tI‘tl|i.2|I'l1t-5 atep a
‘li'e1‘ital‘ile |‘nt'}tintain til filth and refuse.
._
_._.__ __,
I The citadel is -actually built inte the
-I euntain ef filth. A narrew read winds
dangereusly upwa1'd past varieus defensive
ferrnatiens, metal spikes, and ether asserted
nastiriesses all dripping with muck and ick.
As the heap make their way up the sludgeside
read this:
F-T $111-‘I.
The gravt-1ll_'i' mad winds its way tip the E
tl'I.'..-title, |1‘n.raIt-tlering l'l‘irittigh cintinttus
l'L'It‘iI'tels arid acrittss fctrtitied ltriclges iaggt-‘rcl
with rusty spines. 'l'l1eI‘e's nn nverl sign uf
the t‘ltt‘tLltTllH'. dete1‘id ers, althi:-ugl‘i lint sure
'
l:lt'ey"ri.rti1‘ittuI"itl here stiI‘rn-wi.=ltere, pr-:tl1'al‘~l:..'
disguised as lumps ef funk and such. its
the thttught ni‘cuI's tn yt:-Li a t‘+uI‘tt'h nf large
lumps ef funk reveal thentselves as
'1
'WI?.'ll—arn1titl t'I'i.]£ti.‘l‘I+.“!-L -and werms. The
largest til the +.TI't'}at.‘l‘it.'s steps fi‘n'ward, his
-intrriense staff hnpped by '.-itlII‘t'lt.-" strange
beus device. "la.-‘I1-.it it is? I am liinky .
Heebeekisstrr, cltarnherlain and nanny tn
Lard E-ir ‘v’erni:t Lanuge. Wltei de _veu serve
and whatcha all abnut?"
'—l—-I'--
Clnce the heap cenvince Elinky [pageT13Tl
they ceme in peace {Fersuasien rell er a
1% decent bribe} he will let them pass. If they
mentien the slaughter in the petrified greve,
er if lvlinty Fresh Breath is still with them,
'-..'
T" E-inky will get very cencemed. "l winked this
etweuld wallew. Lerd Lanuge gets te be
hipped, dig? lt’ s naptime right new, se I'll
"arrange an audience and send a guy fer yeu
later en. In the mean, enjey the digs, the twigs,
and the sprigs."
The warriers scrunch themselves back inte
the filth and the heap are free te centinue
enward. El-inky will answer any questiens
they have aheut the citadel, but he will change
the subject when asked abeut Lerd Lanuge.
TI Binky's real name is Elinsen Bluebleb but
Verrtir: tnade him change it ence his curse teek
held. Skip ahead a bit fe1' mere infermatien en
..-L.1-
a "v"erni:c’s curse, er just be patient.
—r
.-'“- l
Gargle Twice
_:-._1a___n:n._._—.a.a
l The citadel ef ijargle Twice is a hugel
If
henl-tin’ s trawl el huildinus
U
and fert'iI’ica— I.
. .ttii2‘ins that stagger their wait’ up the filtl'iside_
. _ _ _ '. _ I
"the I1't‘tr't'teI‘1se I'|'1aI‘1s1n1‘i et ‘v'erI‘1I:s l.t'1|*ItIgt‘a§
istares dawn lrem the. pinnacle, its
["t"ii.lIi.-‘llIE
feverllnwing with gray rriucl~t rti|‘n'ii11g in!
rivulets fruit: the va1‘ii‘.ius peaks
crannies- "I.-’eI‘1dt'rI's and ltarlttts pai.vI‘i theirr
--
ti '_....-I!
_F
lwares ubiquiteuslv airing the wide pathl
ii that winds its way lthreugh the settlement.
Twice was teunclecl
Gargie
12.
hi
The heap are free te esplere the citadel fer a
while, perhaps grabbing serne lunch er
precurin g sc-me fresh supplies er whatever.
i’-it sente paint Binky iieebeekisser will send a
messenger and a gang ef guards te pelitely
invite them te dinner at ‘v'ernis’s mansien. it
the heap -:len‘t want in ge, the messenger
{with the help ef tlte guards] will respectfully
insist, but it sheuidn’t crime te that. Give them
same time in change clethes and clean up a bit
if they want te.
‘li'erni:r's Mansien
l
as the heap appreach the rnansien read
this:
"-jl-Tl"-I"-‘T -T".
l The mansien et Sir "v'erni:r Lanuge sits
a tep the pinnacle ef filth, sur1'eunded en all '
sides by a cascading meat ef grey sludge l
that bubbles lrem the gretlncl like dreel
frem a gurgling infant. The edifice is huge _
H
and impesing, but that appears in he
slewly changing as servants en scaflelding
'
, paint the previeusly starlr. gt'ey stene with
gigantic pink and yellew duckies and
i bunnies.
l3inl~:y Beebeekisser and a small
‘ cc-ntingent ef guards greet yet: as yeu cress
the massive drawbridge. "Grassy ass fer
ceming, Sir ‘v'erni:-.' wishes te peep yeu
pI'ente.
”
liinky leads them inte a vast vestibulel
and dewn a leng hallway lined with fancy
pertraits. Each painting represents a
fermeI' lerd ef the citadel.
'-Ii1-dug-—n-II-.|.r _
Ii anyene thinks te leek. the pertrait at
"v'err1i:sr Lanuge is that ef a regal leaking adult
creach wearing -':‘I curly white wig.
I-:Ij.FF-'Ii_
'
" .l'—'j-\..¥'\.
"l.-’v'|te|"i yeti peer his let'clship try net te
l cnngly-geegly, he's laid en a slick burden ef
E the sensitives el late and his feelers
' The device is actually a selar pr:-wered
easily cli'eeped. Try net te make him cry."
tiinky metiens te twe guards and a wide are‘
* set ef deuble dners at the end at the hall are
epened, revealing
' chamber heyend.
The reem is tastefully clecet'atecl with
I immense plush animals. Seme sert
threne stands atep a dais at the back ef the
E I'eem. Sqtlirlniitg in the threne, which j
resembles an infant's high chair upen l
cleser etraminatieli, is a larval creuch.
liinky meves te a pesitien behind the chair,
wiping dreel lrem the larva’s chin as he i
passes. '”r‘eu new address his Lerdship Sir
"v'erni:='. Lanuge. Please cemmence blah
s panting and cred be-asting."
J
"Ii.-i-I'I|.I'II-I—|.l-I-i-I-I--jar "l-l-rt-I'--I-F-|--I-Ii—-r
at this paint the heap sheuld intrc-duce
g.—_n_-.12-,
themselves and beast ef their
Threugheut the whale thing the
{page 141} is mere interested in
his plush esephagater than in
what they say. {Since the heap finish talking
and Eiinlry has wiped the dreel frem ‘v'emi~.t’s
chin, the infant temples his fear hands
and tegether, leeks attentively at the heap and
utters, in a deep and senereus vaice, this:
I
ever _a_. :entu_r',y age,-.,
"'.i5t gaaillien times welceme beld
venttn'ists. lt is my 1'ighiful place te be LeI'cl
Sir "I.-"e1'ni:~'. l.anuge, Thii't'_v-Seventh Scien ef
tleuse Lanuge. [lefender ef the Citadel.
The Thrice-f.3a1'glet1, llenered ‘Bervant el
lierniaedd the Enplumpinaied, and victim
ef an untimely and unflattering curse. The
neeteneus ferm yeu peer b-elreni veil is but
a sham." [iinky Beeheekisser leans in with
a bib te wipe the lerd's chin. "l .-’-‘ilrl l‘~lClT .-it
fl.+*tl:"':‘i'. TUE DUE? IJCJD l-IE3-l.Dl l‘~£L"i‘-."i"
l l7ETCl-l ME l'vl"r’ llt_"}'T"l'Ll3, l l“ llJl*~lC"-Ef~tl"
f E‘-inky rushes te cemply. "He hasn't had
his nap yet," he whispers by way ef
.-:1“;-.,__.._|1,..;._..|g
apelegy.
Lercl Lanuge stickies his bettle fer a few
.
1. mements then centinues. "That slab ef
'
glass stelen in the [Jet-tree-tied Grtwe was
te be a gift te my friends at the First
l-leemanitarian Church. l'm hiring yeti in
i get it back. Ten may have yeur cheice ef
|' reward f1'em my treasure vaults if yeu a|'e
1 stlccessful. lt’s nap time se I will take my
: leave ef yeu. liinky will see te yeur
"
sustenance. l
l.ercl t_anuge quickly falls asleep in his *
high chair as l:"linl~:y and twe guards usher
yeu lrem the reem.
its he leads yeu teward a dining hall_
l liinky leans in and whispers. "Bess Ineufs
been trippin’ since the curse embabificated
him. in certfidence. if l have in change ene
mere diaper l'm genna crap glass
pineapples." .-its he speaks he t'eaches a
-—u--I--r — hand inte his t'ebes and withdraws a small.
strange, rectangular device cevered in
buttens and a ceuple ef tiny glass panels.
"This artifact ef the l-leeman1'ace's been
_lm.r!_\_"\.—'p
l-'.ickin’ it in my family fer generatiens. lt‘s
yeu1's if yeu lift Lerd l_anuge‘s curse.
Twwfi H
calculater, but Iiiinky calls it a "l'-.luntl-a
Crunch-a”. it still werks, despite its venerable
a small audience age and is extremely valuable {.'?tl,lIllllCl clams}.
Einky will centinue tn lead the heap te the
dining hall where they are treated tn a fine
meal. Hinlcy will answer any quest-iens they
have tn the best at his ability. Here's what he
knews:
Regarding the Slaughter in the Grave:
-ih It appears te be the wurlc ef The Teeth ef
the Cl'iecegater_
-fit The lead er ef The Teeth is re rriered te be
l-later Wig Wig, a cremeflllian minister whe
used te run a Jentima’s Witness church in the
citadel.
15: The jentiina's iaiitness church was
abandened net lung age and turned inte a
adventures.
juice bar called “Erqueeee This”.
baby "v'erni:i-:
chewing en
41: The glass slab was geing te be a gift tn
the First Heumanitarian Church, where it
listening te
weuld be used as a wall. The church is run by
Righteeus lJ'ac1dy hiepar King. The
parishieners are mestly beduls.
Regarding ‘vernifs curse:
-ii: ‘v'erni:r is seventy years uld.
11': .i"'LlJCll.1l' Elli) clays age. after a banquet at
the great great grandfather at Berniaecld the ._epluri}pia'ti'tTti:l..
rr- —
LI__
The Spawnderesa, vernis weke up as an
infant.
-fl: lvlerniic was seen with a creach prest-itute
named Lardamade at the hanquet.
it: The banquet was held hy "v'erni:c and
Madame Flutterceech [the prnprieter} te
celehrate the religieus diversity ef the citadel.
-fl: hmeng the clergy in attendance were
Righteeus Daddy Nepar kiing, I-later Wig
Wig, Painful Rectal Itch {a wandering
Eeerglezaarian wisenheimer], Sinmeister Stab
ef the Stanismists, Slimemeld Smelf XII ef the
Fungish, and Faster Hey—suess ef the Jeeele
Freaks.
The Spawnderesa
Sheuld the heap deci-:.le te ask areund at the
Spriwnderesa thepefully they will] read this:
...._..-.-....................._.........-..,..__...........,
The Spawnderesa is a nuiiestic structure,
tall and cylindrical and teppecl by a_-
magnificent bulging derne. It reminds yeu
el semething yeu can't quite put yeur
linger en [at least net in puhlic','I. The
lnterier is draped in silky fabrics and
celerful pillews alaeund. ‘t-’arieus hussies
and the like hawk their wares frem tiered
heudeirs while means and asserted
sleshing neises mingle with the eseiic
' lncenses and perfumes that fill the air.
fits yet: make yeur way inside, past a
'- veritable Inuseum ef "marital pI'c-ducts"
and pertraits ef smiling clientele. an
ilnmensely bedacleus female cI'each Ifaj
genuine "hrick he-use" if yet: will} in a1
leather tuhe tep and high-heeled pumps,
flashes yeu a massive smile. Willi -Eli:
flirtatleus wink and a ceuple ef jiggles"
{den't ask hew a creature with a care pace l
can jiggle, she just dees] she cees in a veice l
like baby ell, "lit-'elcetne
Spawnderesa, where the custemer always
cemes first. ‘t-‘I.-'liat's yeur pleasure?"
This is Madame Grieele Flutterceech. She is
very accemmedating, hut wen’t
quest-ieris aheut the banquet er ‘axle-riiis unless
the heap avail themselves ef her hespitality
tie the tune ef Sill] clams er mere, er a
Persuasien relt at -4}. C?-nce these cenditiens
are met, here is what she knews:
153: There was a fight hetween the ]ernima’s
Witnesses and the Heemanitarians -:.turing
dessert. Heated wer-:.ts were exchanged
hetween Hater Wig Wig and l'-lepar King.
‘fl: "v'erni:i: was with a hussy named
Lardamade that night. She quit her jeh the
next day and jeined the leeele Freaks. She
might he feund at Criminee Cave a nearby
Jeeale Freak church.
‘R A few days after the banquet the
]emima’s Witnesses clesed their church and
meved elsewhere. Squeeze This, a juicehar,
currently eccupies the spet.
Crirninee Cave fleeele freak ehureh)
The heap may decide tn search fer
Lardamade. She can indeed he feund ameng
the Jeeale Freaks.
The Mess
Criminee Cave is basically just a huge
hellew reck cevered in gleaming rhinestenes
and capital "t"s. lnsi-:.ie, three menks (ene
werm and twe creachesj in sequined
jumpsuits lighl: candles. A feurth menk, a
female creach [this is Lardamadej, is gluing
hlack velvet tn the wall. fits the heap walk in,
the werm greets them kindly and asks what
he can de fer them. If they ask aheut
Larclamade, he peints her nut, but warns that
te the
she has taken a vew ef silence and has net
speken in Ztlll days. if asked aheut Faster
-Ir"r'-"HI-"I Hey~suess, the werm tells them he left en a
pilgrimage tn lvlaankaas a few days age.
If the heap try tu talk with Lardamade, she
answer
will listen intently hut wen’t talk. She will,
hewever, answer their yes er ne questiens
with ne-ds er shakes. Her mind is a hit addled,
se she answers affirniatives with shakes and
negatives with neds. Here is what they might
learn frem her {if they ask the right questiens]:
-15‘! Yep, she was with ‘v'erni:c the night ef the
hanquet. She was given a bettle ef perfume as
a gift frem a smell’ whe teld her te wear it that
evening. She was suppesed te he with
Righteeus Daddy Nepar liiing that night, but
"v'erni:u: weeed her aw-ay. When she weke up
and saw ‘v'erni:s had been turned inte a baby
she Felt se guilty she jeined the jeeale Freaks
and teek a vew ef silence and chastity until
the curse is lifted.
Squeeze This
If the heap ge tn the site ef the fermer
jemima's Witness temple they will find a
hell-aw
small juice har, made frem a gigantic
fruit, in its place. The preprieter is a herc
named Fruitsqueeaer hlutsmasher. Nut-
smasher tells them, if they ask, he acquired the
by The Fungish is _a
Bess.‘-eersliipped gyrasr pIaymatpf:5]=:tggrge”the 5|epsrni:t__|'_i_._1
land frem Hater Wig Wig in ezcchange fer
same hrecedile carcasses-
Fruitsqueeaer, whe keeps his ingredients in
his gullet se he can ceugh them up when
needed, is rude and arregant. Hewever, it
may came up in cenversatien [if the heap buy
eneugh juice] that the entrance he the
hasement ef the eid temple is heneath his juice
har. He'll let them in, as leng as they help him
meve the juice bar and put it hack ever the
hele when they're finished esplerirtg, and
they give him semething ceel [like a reek er
weird device}.
The juice har can he meved te the side,
revealing a hele in the greund threugh which
a stairway descends inte darkness. Wlien the
heap begin their way dewn, read this:
all-.la.I_J -—-. —_a.r-u—-—i.n.u- 1.2-: - Z --—- --— u-— Znua.-_,.
l lvlan, these _lemi1na's Wittiesses sure
l knew hew tn decerate. There's nething inj
:'this musty basement but a herde ef
-. wall-te-wall shelves filled with small glass
iiclels. As yet: start te peke areund, a
Iuit—qLiite-cn-epy veice ceines frem
nev.:here, "t‘v'etieeeci, l am the ghest ef
-Slimemeld Smell the Kill. weeeee.‘
t-lflieeetiee disturbs my 1'est?l-‘v’eeiieee."
I uJun
‘lfep, the spirit ef Sl im emeld Smelf It It dees
indeed dwell in this hasement. He is harmless
and intangible. He’ll try te scare the heap
away by making weeeee neises, but ence that
appears te he fruitless, he’ll answer any
questiens they may have- Here is what he
savs:
-ilk: l-le and his hrether, Slimemeld Smelf Kl],
are smellcasters and clergy ef The Fungish‘.
They came frem The Fhesterance, at Lerd
Lanuge’s request, te attend a party at The
Spawnderesa.
‘fit The Siiinemeicl hrethers were asked by
Hater Wig Wig te help him play a prank en
his geed friend Righteeus Daddy Nepar
Hing. They crafted a reek that weuld
tempnrarity make lfilepar Icing prepuhescent,
messing with his carnal fun thatevening.
-ik: Slimemeld Xlt gave the reek tn the hussy
that hlepar was sup-pesed te be with
evening. heping l‘-lepar weuld inhale berm"-4’
perfume. Semehew it affected Lerd Lanuge
instead.
15: Recently a strange pink fluffy guy
appeared ameng The Fungish and effered te-
heip increase the petency ef their devetiens
{This is Slerg the Slepsmith, hut the smelves
den’t knew that}.
155: The merning after Langn was infant-
icieed Slimemeld J-tlll was killed frem behind.
He has nu idea what became ef his hrether.
I-‘ifter the heap talk te Slimemeld Smelt
ll-ttll’s ghest three mere spirits nf the danged
materialize in the middle ef the reem and
attack them. They are -all dead cremefiilians
frem the Teeth ef the Cliecegattir.
Spirits ef the Danged {3}{pg 33}: The
spirits attack relentlessly- They have the
fellewing lvlenstreus fithilities: Bite, Ethereal—
ness, Undead.
re. *
i-_l
.
I
.-"'|'i'-..
._I
 r .
'
1 I-' _ in-
. "'- _-.d-'

..
~i
f‘

"
Quite understandably the heap may decide
to snoop around the First I-loomanitarian
Church. If they do, read this:
3-H‘-i-fi—|1'*—hfiLH&%%*

I The First lloomanitaI'ian Church sitsll

*H%*-i**-.5-F4-i

_y stop a roclty promontory of filth. It looks as r

if some repair worl; is going on here. The
roof is missing and one of the walls has a
huge circular hole in it. The whole bui.lding
sits at a peculiar angle, almost as if it might
topple over the edge at any Inolnent.
Several dozen l-loomanitarians, mostly
boduls. are attending to the repairs. As you
approach, one of them, a three-armed
bodul with eyes that bulge from his
"forehead, colnes toward you with an
,outsb'etched hand. His other two hands
shield his face from the rays of the brilliant
sun.
"i3ood day unto you my brulhas and
sistas. l atn underbrother Felicltous Crunch.
Wliat can 1 do you for?" l
—u-u--- —-._i
Felicitous is in charge while l'-lopar King is
away. He will answer the heap’s questions,
but won't allow them into the temple,
'* Claiming he doesn't want them to interfere
with the work. Here is what he knows:

hf all The temple is not being repaired, it is

being modified.
15: Righteous Daddy l"~lopar King is away
on sabbatical {he won't say where}.
4-‘: Lately the Teeth of the Chocogator have
‘...-“been anibushing any caravans manned by
Hoomanitarians.
{it The Teeth of the Chocogator have a
hidden lair somewhere in the Grove.
{it He was not at the party at the
E-pawnderosa and lsnows very little about it.
If the heap snoop around anyway, they
may notice (Notice -2) a ceramic and metal
"frame being built in the circular hole It looks
'I'..“I. - this may be some sort of mechanism to
,'pivot the wall once the glass is in place. lf
asked about this Felicitous tells them it is fo1'
ventilation purposes. The Hoomanitarians
actually have a sinister secret plot; they plan
to use the giant slab of glass as a monstrous
lens to focus the rays of the sun {which can be
quite brilliant at this elevation) into a death
beam with which to bu1'n the secret hideout of
the Teeth of the Chocogator.
Til. The f'e1;—tree—fied Grove
As the heap return to the grove to sea1'ch
-for the Chocogators' hidden lair they find a
_horde of cremefillians waiting for them.
.II.'
a. ...,___,_
There are forty cremefillians in the horde.
The heap might think to parley with them
before a fight erupts. if so, the cremefillians
claim they stole the glass to prevent the
I-[oomanitarians from using it to burn them
alive. as they are talking, a similar horde, this
one of l-loornanitarian boduls and a few
wernis and croaches, is spotted approaching
from the direction of C-argle Twice. Clnce they
get within shouting range Feiicitous Crunch
"
yells out, Prepare for the wrath of the
Hoornanrace. dcfilers of history! We will no
longer stomach your murderous incursions!”
The l-loomanitarians also have a horde of
forty. The two sides are pretty
matched, with five holy rollers in each group.
The heap have several options for this battle
[This is an excellent opportunity to use the
miniatures slcirmish rules available free at
www.greatwhitega mes.com]:
Elption Doe: They fight on the side of the
l-loomanitarians or the Teeth of the Choco-
gator. If this option is chosen allow the players
to control the side they are on.
Dption Two: The heap split into separate
factions, each supporting a different side. in
this case. sit back and watch as the players
fight each other, each controlling a different
:,j,__,_,__,j._.,___
they actually manage to prevent the sides
from ltilling each other award bennies all
around.
flption Four: The heap let the two sides
fight amongst themselves while watching
from the sidelines. In this case split the players
into two groups and allow each to control one
side in the battle.
Chocogator Cultists {35}[standarrI creme-
fiI1ians}{pg 13-5}: The cremefillians have the
advantage of the cover of the grove. They are
armed with slingshots {Sir +1) and various
evenly melee weapons [Str +1 }.
Chocogator Holy Rollers [5}{stam:lard
cremefi1lians}{pg 136}: These guys have Holy
Rolling dll, ‘ltl Power Points, and two Powers
each {Elolt (freezing wind) and Smite)-
Hoornanitarians {35}{standarrI bodulslipg
13f:-]: The boduls have the advantage of extra
Edges and superior weaponry. They are
armed with various melee weapons {Str +2}
and throwing roclts {Sir +1).
Hoomanitarian Holy Rollers {5}{standard
bodulsltpg 136]: These guys also have l-ioly
l-‘tolling dfl, ‘til Power Points, and two Powers

fits you approat‘l1thegrovt-ryoursto1'nat‘h
[if you have one} rt‘h:tapl1o|'ically luI‘+.'ll-_=s
into your throat. ft veritable horde of
cremeI’i||ian.«:, eacli i.lt'cltt*tl out
r Cliocogator hat and artnetl with soI‘nt'~tl‘tiny_
'll'iEious, is I'l1ti-l‘1l"|t-‘.‘L'l up in front of the
petrified trees- f.".'I1it-r of lIl‘lt-'.'ITl steps forward _
and shouts, "Di, 1.vliat"s this then? l-lat.-13';
you t‘.oI‘ne to finish t'l‘tI_r jolt of il'tt2I!-it‘ blighted E
l‘ltZ:tI|1‘:aI‘iitarii.1I‘ts? l"'i"rJ-ls only actirtg in st-rlfi
..d_efense, but if it's to be, it's to be."
a—-
side in the battle.
Dption Three: The heap sc-rnehow manage
in a to negotiate a truce. This requires a great deal
of talking and a Persuasion roll at -2 for each
side. They will have to convince the
cremefillians to reveal the hidden slab of glass
{it has been l.'l_itl"l'1|.i.'I.‘l invisible and hidden in the
grove} and also convince the Hoomanitarians
not to use it as a weapon {they will admit their
plans only if confronted with evidence}. if
"--"H-'—"I--'
each {Bolt (fire) and Deflection}.
Clnce the battle is over, no matter which
side is victorious {or if the fight is avoided}.
the heap are free to explore the grove. After a
bit of searching they find a door concealed in
the base of one of the trees. it is unloclred and
easily opened.
The door leads to a spiral stairway that goes
downward into the Ciith. The stairs open up
into a large subterranean chamber. as soon as

Haier ,‘_u'll'rg Wig was born Hunltle Slut:-l_.rierfis‘l:, but _hatl—|'ils name changed after he joined the Ehcg_cga_i_cr§‘.
1.‘! i.
-5,. -ll’

I-_._ . .
the heap step frem the lewer deerway they
are attacked by Hater Wig Wig an-:.i seme ef
his crenies (if the heap helped the
eremefillians in the battle, er negetiated
peace, he may be cenvineed te step his attack.
Hater Wig Wig [pg 139]: I-later attacks with
is spells. He is really pissed eff.
Checegater Cultists {-flllstandard creme-
fiil ians, Fighting d'l tl]{pg 1 36]: I-later is jeined
by eight ef his crenies. They are armed with
big metal bars (Sir +3}.
If the heap manage te defeat l-later witheut
killing him he might reveal the lecatien ef the
slab ef glass [invisible in the greve]. if they kill
him they are t3.Ci.L., altheugh they might find
it if they search the greve leng eneugh {see
heurs}.
r‘-tside frem a bunch ef beds and seme
Jemim-a’s Witness paraphernalia lidels and
such) the enly thing ef interest in the chamber
are a bunch ef metal cages stacked against a
wall. In ene ef these is an uncenseieus smelf.
If he is awakened he reveals himself te be
Slimemeld Smelf Ill [pg ’i4'i}. He admits his
partin ‘v'erni:-c:’s curse, and effers tn cnncect an
antidete. The enly catch is, he enly has half
the recipe. His brether lcnews the ether |1a|f,
but Slimemeld Ell has ne idea where he is. if
the heap tell him abeut the ghest under the
juice bar he will get very sad, but will ge visit
his brethe.r's spirit an-d make the antidete. Df
ceurse, if the heap never esplered under the
juice bar they went knew abeut Slimemeld
Smelf XIII and therefere wen’t he able te lift
"Vs-rnizi-:’s cu rse.
Beselutjen
Here's the deal: ‘lvlerni:-: is very happy as an
infant. He actually dees net want the curse te
be lifted. If the heap get the antidete, hewever,
Einky Beebeekisser will put it in his |erd's
bettle anyway. There are sever-al pessii:-le
eutcernes te this tale, depending en the
success ef the herees’ en-deavers:
flutcente Cine: They find the glass and the
antidete. In this case, tlinky gives them the
l"~.lumba Cruncha but "v'erni:u: is pissed eff
abeut the curse being lifted. He fires Einky
and lets the heap cheese a prise frem his
garage instead ef his vault. The garage
centains several wagens. a few pigTT|}’ sings, a
creeper, and twe threesycles.
Dutceme Twe: They find the glass but net
the anl:idete. They de net get E-inky’s
Heemanrace artifact, but may cheese a prize
frem ‘v'en1i:a:'s treasure vault. in the vault are
all serts ef mundanejeweled things [value up
te ll.l,tl'tlfl clams] and a bunch ef randem weird
devices (each casts ene Fewer ef Nevice te
Seasened rank and has it] PI’ per day}.
Dutcenie Three: They find the antidete but
net the glass. E-inky gets fired but he gives
them the artifact.
Dutceme Feur: They find neither the
The Elpen Flange is heme Te-.:__sI:n-ne ef.,t|'lii' larg est slag herds en.ceFi':l.' seme
I!-
I.'__ -if _I_ 1‘
_
I-
I + _ It ._
_*
antidete her the glass. They get nething and ambush them frem abeve, while seme hungry
are run eut ef tewn in d isgrace. brecediies lurk beneath the water’s surface
waiting tn munch anyene whe falls in. The‘
Depending en their nest destinatien, they water is abeut 5 yerts (5 feet} deep in this area.
may be able te cenvince Einlcy, Slimemeld Ftnyene hit by the duckies must make an
'
Smelf XII er beth te aceempany them en the r-‘tgility rell er fail inte the water, subjecting
next leg ef their jeurney. them te attack by the brecediies.
‘I
Cute Little Duckies {'El]{pg T9}: The duckies
‘What's Next?
gain a +4 benus in the first reund te attack
The tvtuek Starts l-lere
anyene whe fails a hletice rell. Since there are
A hint Se Fend Farewell te i‘-trms
nine ef them. they each get a +3 benus te,
Fighting rells.
Il‘lj1_.c;— -u-I'--Il"'IlII'--
Brecediles {3}[pg T8}: The brecediles will
try te eat anyene whe falls in the water.
2 ..
Dnce the heap escape er kill all the"E‘
Germinee the Geesed has mensters they can ge back te wnndering hew
been captured by savages te find Germinee. Eventually they will
semewhere deep in the happen upen an amusing scenarie that may
Fhesterance. if the heap give them a hint.
want te learn his secrets
they’ll have te rescue his
serry ass. They can get te The Phesterance in
The Dweeb
S-erne time after the menster attack {a few _
any number ef ways. Maybe they can buy a
days er se], as the heap are wande-'
balleeen in Gargle Twice, er ge en feet access
hepelessly threugh the mire, read this:
the Cipen Range [a gigantic desert ef dried J
meld and dust}. Whicltever way they ge, ence i This really sucks. {Tit-'er the last several
they get there they’ re in fer a treat... l
'. clays ynu l1a1.-'e nianagetl tu get ynr.|rselt»‘e5
even mere l1ept'.-lessl_v lest. hlet enly have
I
The Fhesteranee
fl'I—hF—.
The l-‘liesteI'ance is :1 hnrriti :‘n+'.u'e‘Iss ni l
I
he bbling |‘nur.'ic and trlnatetl fungi- Ft clense,
itchy Iniasrn 1:-f spei'I.-‘s anti mist cit:-uu_ls
’ ynur visitm and lenn.l_s a spunky east tn the
vvliclle affair- The hurbling gru1"nl‘rles cit
iI_:I‘1seen f‘l'ti'.Z|l1E-it'i:.‘I".'i battle the l.Jl.'l'tLiLJlt'[H.lE-i-
ihuimiiig insect htwtles fin‘ ytuir ears’
'. atten titan. Ftititilig is trea-:'l'lereI_1s, in say the
least, as tliiclcets til tlualing nniss an-_l
gigantic Iriuslirimrn caps, ivl‘1i-:.'h prnvlcle
the enlv tiry grnuncl fer yrflrts in any l
i..‘lllE.‘tl.'III'.Z|T'I, hreak apart 1-vttlitr-ut warlung,
spilling ynu intci the gi‘eas_'t' l‘+rine that
l
flrietls this ahhtirrent svt-*an1p_ l
i"~.lel' lung intu ytiur jr‘.l1.irI*Ir_'y, l.‘l1'enchetl, lI
itchy, a1'u.‘l liupelessly it:-st, it t:-v.'i.:urti tn yr:-u
that Uclrniiriee the Lititisetl ct‘:-ultl he
!
anytv here-
1-u_ n —:.-lgéj—- l. u- ?n—u._?rl-—u_ . -.-.- -.-.- -.---'-‘II’!-II‘ I
Wltile traveling threugh The Fhesterance.
the heap can either build a beat er raft ef seme
sert {semehew} and paddle threugh the water
er they can ge en feet by climbing their way
acress carpets ef fleating mess and the
ubiquiteus fungi that jut frem the muck like
tumers. Either way there is nu clear path te
fellew and unless they have seme really
clever means te aveid the dangers ef the
swamp and t1'ack dewn Germinee they will
seen find themselves in a whele heapin’
helping ef treuble.
The Fhesterance is pretty much infested
with all manner ef menstreus beasts, net the
least ef which a1'e hrecediles and cute little
duckies. As the heap get mere hepelessly lest
they are attacked by these veracieus
predaters. A fleck ef cute little duckies tries te
'
'-=:' :"'—-"F=-'-:n'.=-
ever-ten"theusai-nicl individuals.
Ii‘ etgirihiihfltteiiiil and"
r—. |.
- _h_ * .—-I'
1-
__*.-'
--.'_.- __.-_ user‘
__
 . .,...._.....,,.._..__...,..._____.__._...__..._
yeu ne clue hew te find tlerminee. yeu're.
pretty sure yeu have ne clue hew te escape
this wretched marsh either. ‘r'eu’re itchy.i
sedden, greasy, cranky. and lest. As yeul
grumpily settle yeurselves clen.vn te an‘
imprevised lunch el' l.‘.-:agv.'tu't and L
grubcakes, a strange smell reacltes yeur
nestrils. Sniff, sniff. Wltat is that? It kind ef
smells like fresh reasted sleg steaks"
slathered with delicinus bilgeberry gl.-nee. .. -
-—-u--——-j-u-.n—:-u— -—--u-u—-.-I -1.5-——-—--u.—— —-.-..-——u-—--
The smell is ceming frem atep a very tall,
everhanging mushreem. The heap can't see
the tep ef it, but they can see a thin trail et
.-.steam meandering frem abeve. The meal is
indeed fresh reasted sleg steaks and bilgeberry
glaze. prepared mements age by Smartypants
fl-ulgebrain [page 141}, a dweeb whe dwells in
the swamp. Smartypants knews the heap are
belew him, but he thinks has high eneugh up
that they can't melest him. If they call up te
him pelitely he will effer te share his meal with
at ‘In em {they have te climb up te him, theugh].
Otherwise he will ignere them. If they try te
sneak up en hirn, er steal his Feed, he will use
his magic bew tie te telepert away’ then harass
the heap with practical jekes until they
apelegi.-ee. Smartypants speaks in really big
wards, shewing eff his immense veca bulary
and brainpewer.
Smartypants knews quite a bit aheut what
gees en in the I’hesterance. If the heap give
him a nice present, er it they pull a
pen-painful practical jeke en him [he gets a
Smarts rell te a'ti'fliL‘I the gag}, he will tell them
what he knews aheut Germinee.
—.- ......-._i—__..-......-..
I Indeed, kind heans, I I:.I‘1nw a thing
HTI
seven £tl'tt'}t_tlI this int1'epii.l sthelf bf 1.vl‘te.uIn 1
ynu tp1e1‘_1.'_ l-le +.‘aI'ne ten this blessed
quagrnire n*Iany LI‘.-tyfi age, in
ferefeiwl, hf a l'lIt..ILI|'.‘I'l i.lt}rne_ this plate, I -
declare, was nnce ht:-Ilne tn vile sin, but I‘1e.«v-.-'
5-'-tantls i.le|'elict and Lli$ttl1ustH.l, but Itt:-t
. really. l.""."itl‘tiI‘1 he ltnpttcl In find I krinw net E
what, but in stead 'within he fnI_:I'Idl
misfertune-_ Dun‘ guy was capturei.'l,
leguntes, t'ict'iIn nf the tt1uri:sl"s hluni_li.-rr_Pin,-'i
I capture the heap alive if pessible {fer later
Gut treilling fer l'i1‘e:ctiLliles, the uI‘1ft1rtLIn'ate
lttlnke was set upnn by sat'ages. llt-"'ll he a
seup aheut this time, tine
Elf‘-5uI1'1ing they aI'en’t saving hirn f-:'.«r a
sunn_v clay. I’n't happy tr.'}i.liret‘t yeu t:-n ynur
war, shnultl ‘I.’t}Lt cl'innse tn pursue nur
' '
- frlemlltrss frie11i_l.
Se, apparently Germi nee was captured by
savages while he was investigating the
sinegegue. Germinee has net yet been made
inte a seup, but he will be seen if the heap
'den’t intervene. Smartypants will send them
in the preper directien. It will take 2 days te
get te the sin-e-gegue assuming the smartest
here makes a Smarts rell at -2. If he fails the
Smarts rell add the number ef days by whi-::|1
he failed te the time ef the jeurney. Be sure te
Smartypants will net accempany them, but he
may shew up seme ether time they need help
if yeu want, since his magic bew tie allews
him te telepert.
if
Unga Elunga, a werrn et- the pint-tsneut tribe. is generally credited with inventing the whistling r:al_._Ildren lid.
- 116
,_—-
.1
Li‘
5-'.ear4.‘I‘1, I Speaking ef Germinee, he's in pretty bad
The Savages
Wltelt they start te get clese te the
sin-e-gegue the heap are ambushed by a
bunch ef savage werms. The savages are
vielent and bleedthirsty, but will try te
censumptien}. Cine ef them is wearing a
strange hat, which any heap member whe saw
irnagines, E the hallucinatien frem the reek in Pee Eating
Grin will recegniae as Germinee’s.
Savages [standard werrns]{12}[pg 136]: The
savages are armed with bene clubs and
brecedile sneuts [Str +2}. Each has a leincleth
and a length ef repe made f1'em brecedile
intestines. They are members ef the Pinksneut
tribe and speak enly their ewn language.
If the heap manage te get captured they will
be stripped ef their weapens and tied
tegether, then led back threugh the swamp te
the abandened sin-e-gegue, which is new the
lair ef the Finksneut tribe {sert ef; they den’t
actually ge inside, but they de hang eut in
frent ef it}. If the heap kill er frighten eff the
savages they'll have te find anether way te
cliscever the sin-e-gegue. Dnce they de,
whether en their ewn er as captives, read this:
. -
___._. .____.__._._._.__.______._.......___,...
ft huge lneultlt-r juts frem the stttgn.1:1tl
hrine, erupting ferth frem the filmy
I
miasrna like a ntusltrtmm t'nve1'etl blistt.-r_l'
lhe stene is t:-lwintisly l1nllnt~.-', as en.-'ii_li.'1‘icet_l _
l by the circular luale seve1'al _vti1‘ts up its‘
I fcu‘i.van_'l face. 'f_luttering terchlight lends an r
eerie cast tn the r.lt1.r.ens nf chanting sEn't1g£.‘s .
I dancing f1‘enetit'ally a reund a gigan tit‘,
ste'a1‘niI'1g_ st:-u p put- llaitgling atw:-ve the. put.
|
'n.‘rappe.d in thick in-'ee:.ls, is the wigglirtgt
: fnrn1 [if a srnelf_
lf the heap are priseners, they will be tied te
giant mushreems and ignered while their
pessessiens are taken te the sin-e-gegue and
threwn unceremenieusly inte the deer hele.
They will have te find seme way te escape if
they den’t want te end up in the seup pet.
sits the heap leek en, savages en stilts carry
varieus ingredients te the seup pet and tess
them in. There is ne fire beneath the pet, but it
appears te be beiling nenetheless. Every
minute er se Eerminee {page 133] is lewered
anether yert er se. He is wiggling wildly, but
is unable te free himself.
New it falls upen the heap te rescue
Germinee befere he becemes just anether
ingredient. There are a tetal ef ferry savages.
Five ef them a1'e en stilts and armed with
threwing recks [Str+2}. The rest have bene
clubs and brecedile sneuts [St1'+2]. Twe
werms sit step the mushreem frem which
Germinee dangles, slewly lewering the repe
in time with the ritualistic dancing. As the
Bess, yeu can set this up hewever yeu want.
lvlaybe threw in a few trained brecediles er
semething if yeu need mere variety. The heap
can initiate a straightfervvard assault er they
can be sneaky aheut it. Just ma ke it interesting
and imprevise se Germinee deesn’t get killed.
shape. He's been stripped naked and tied
tightly with weeds and brecedile intestines se
he wen’t be much help during a fight. His
enly fallback weapen is a reek cencealed in
his left neslril [Belt 3dEe:3] which he will use
in a last ditch attempt te smash the cauldren if
it cemes te that. All ef Germinee’s supplies
have been taken by the savages and stewed in
the sin-e-gegue {aleng with the heap's
supplies if they were captured}.
In the giant seup pet is a magic stene that
radiates intense heat when it gets wet. This is
a weird device created by the tribal shaman se
the savages can ceek their feed in this wet
envirenment.
lf the heap successfully rescue Germinee
and kill er disable mere than half ef the
savages the rest will flee inte the swamp.
Germinee is extremely grateful te be rescued
and will speak epenly with the heap abeut all
he knews. He will premise te return te the
Garden ef Smellemental Glee previded the
heap premise te centinue his quest te find the
Primerdial Seup Kitchen. Here is what he
knews:
4'-‘I: The jeurnal he stele frem the Garden ef
Smellemental Glee mentiened seme kind ef
staff, the varieus pieces ef which were
scattered acress the Clith. Assembling the staff
_‘.
.... .-
‘U
is the key te epening the Seup Kitchen.
is The jeumal was eaten by a breeedile
several days age.
sh: He has determined the lecatien ef the
first piece ef the staff tn be in this abandened
sin—e—gegue. but he was captured by the
savages befere he ceuld get inside.
-ft: He believes the lecatinn ef the seeend
piece ef the staff may be knewn by members
ef the Greenspleen clan ef Cilewhie, whe are
suppeseclly the histerical pretecters ef the
thing.
is: Uuulen Crepules has been funding his
expeditien, but Germinee deesn’t trust him.
The cremefillians he was traveling with were
Friends ei Lluulen, but they stayed behind in
blew Cterlquar. Germinee suspects l.luu|en
may be werking with a sect ef jemima’s
Witnesses leeking fer the Seep Kitchen, but
he's net sure.
it A greup ef I-teemanitarians ambushed
Gnrminee eutsicle ef Gargle Twice, but he get
away.
1%: Searching fer the Primerdial Seep
Kitchen has been ‘C3erminee's ebsessien fer
many years. He can‘t explain it, hes just
driven.
Fer mere infermatien en Germinee the
Gnesed, be sure te reference his entry en page
I33. Once he has answered the he-ap’s
questiens, Germinee will aecempany them
inte the sin—e—gegue. Df ceurse. there's really
nething tn step the heap frem just killing him
at this peint, if they are the sert te de that kind
ef thing.
The Abandened 5in—e—gegue
Basically all yeu can see ef the I
1 clene by climbing the breken statuary carved
sin—e—gegue is a really big reel: with -HIT1
entrance hele several yerts abeve the :5
surface ef the shallew marsh. The retted
j'‘ remains ef an ancient stairway jut uselessl y
frem the water's suI'lace and a few repes }
made ef breeedile intestine dangle lrem the
epening. fits yeu pender hew best te enter, t-
a eeuple ef small black beids llutteI' lrem
the hele and fly elT inte the swamp.
_n—-. l_r--I.a n_. _j__ _u—i_
The beids are eily beids {page 82}. Several
deeen ef them are reesting in the sin—e—gegue.
The beids are mestly harmless and wen't
attack, but they have made the interier ef the
sin—e—gegue a very dangereus place, as yeu
will see as yeu read en.
n..The Tabernacle
_:.,.-._n.._ a.a.-.—:
Frem yeur perch in the entryway it I
appears this gigantic reund chaInbeI' takes 5:
up the entire sin—e—gegue. The crumbled
relnnants ef evil statuaI'y threugheut they
I reem and acress the walls and ceiling new
- prevides reesting space fer the dezens ef;
I
greasy black beids that inlest the chamber.
,
I I
l Ems kind ef eily sludge clings te the walls 1
.*
and the fleer is lest in gleem. Whatever l
steps ence led lrem the deerway te the t
lTeer belew have leng since I'etted away.
leaving a vertigineus drep inte thel
darkness. J "Sinmaster Sneegles. Ring fer service". A
Sinrna ster Sneegles ence .xf_é“F't
The depth ef this chamber is deceiving. See,
this big ass reek is actually even bigger ass. lt
gees dewn inte the Dith quite a distance. The
Tabernacle chamber ence had
stairway spiraling its way areund the walls te
the fleer a hundred yerts belew ['lEl|Cl’]. The
greasy black sludge is the d rippings frem the
eily beids. Any seuree ef fire that is breught
inte the chamber will ignite the sludge,
sending a massive waft ef flame threugheut
the entire reem. This blast inflicts aas peints
ef damage te anyene in the reem, killing mest
ef the beids. A preennptive hletiee rell
fellewed by a Cemmen F.'.newleclge rel] will
hip a character te the danger.
Dnee the flame burns eut, if it exists in the
first place, the heap are free te werk their way
dewn the walls te the fleer belew. This can be
.a_-__—. _-.n_-
inte the walls {three Climbing rells aleng the
way), rappelling with repes, er fellewing
whatever ether ingenieus methed the heap
devise. C-if eeurse, getting back up will be an
issue tee, but yeu can deal with that later.
There is ne light in this reem but what the
heap bring with them.
The fleer ef the chamber is selid stene. A
gigantic hand flipping yeu eff is carved inte
_ _n.a.—u_a.n.-_r _--u--i_ a_
the center. Wltatever gear the savages threw
dewn here [including all ef {3erminee’s
pessessiens} is still here. Clteek te see if any
breal-cables {like reeks and the like] were
damageel in the fall and te see if everything
else burned up in the fire {if it happened). The
stuff in f.3erminee’s firepreef sack will still be
intact. ef ceurse.
__n_n_,__,.-.__,_-___,_,-...
There’s ne sign ef the staff in here, but a
successful Netice cheek and a bit ef searching
will reveal the fellewing:
it The charred and blasted remains ef
several dezen eerpses areund the euter edges
ef the reem. These are sacrificed victims frem
I
a century er se age. mestly ereaeh exe-
skeletens and bedul benes.
-fit Wern and seerehed carvings all ever the
I
place depicting varieus vices and sins in
J
I
aetien.
-fit A plaque en the
D_|_'| a slug deg. eaI'ng’*"'bin_ge
. -
.1.-. -I-I '.u. I"
- '
-dI.--__'
-__
_
;
H:
secend l"~.'letice tell, this ene at -2 will shew the
eutline ef a stene deer behind the sent that
cevers this pertien ef the wall. This deer leads
tn the chambers ef Sinmaster Sneegles, the
fermer priest ef the sin—e—gegue (Area B}.
The deer te Sinm-aster Sneegles' effiee is
heavy stene. There is ne keyhele er kneb eEs;.¥"
any kind. The deer is barred frem the ether
side. It has a tnughness ef '12, and must be
'
....-II'
destreyed in erder fer the heap tn get past it.
Remember, when attacking ebjects, raises and‘;
aces den’t ceunt. The deer is immune I.-Q:
damage Frem fire, acid, electricity, and celd'
{altheegh freezing it then heating it quickly
might shatter it). f'tl|:heL1gl't ne bell is te be
feuncl in the tabernacle, simply saying th .
werds “ring ring" er ringing a bell semeenel
happened te bring aleng will cause the deer
te unleck.
E. Sinmaster F-neegles’ Chambers
l 5utTerin' seeks, this place is a mess! It
l appears te be a beelreein er effiee ef seme
a narrew i sert. Elrelcen bits ef furniture and shattered
j glass litter the fleer in massive heaps. A
l huge puddle ef shallew water takes -_
mest ef the reem. Hitgainst the far wall is a
circular stene deer with a big ass keyhele
right in the center.
|_ jg. ._ a._- n: la— -i.a.a.a.-:-r1-
The puddle ef water is net a puddle ef'
water at all. We a puddle ef yuck, a vicieus
menster that eeaecl its way inte the
sin—e—gegue ever a century age and killed
mnst ef the devetees. The pu ddle has been
trapped in this reem since then. Semeb-edy
slarmned the deer shut behind it while it we '
eating Sinmaster Sneegles. The puddle is
smart eneugh te wait until mnst ef the heap
have entered the reem befere it begins its
attacks, but ence they're inside —wee hen,
buddy, watch eutl
Pucldie ef ‘fuck {pg 32]: The puddle ef_
yuek hasn’t eaten in ever 'lflfl years. It is very
hungry... Dlt yeah, den't ferget it gets three
simultaneeus attacks per me nd.
-.-‘ it.
Dnce the heap manage te dispatch the
..u.n
puddle ef yuck they are free te investigate the
remains ef the reem. l-lere is what they find:
1%: A ceel ceremnnial dagger {Str +1, Str +4-
when wielded by a Stanismist}.
1‘?-x Randnm bits ef shiny things [3-5tlt] clams
tetalj. "
‘I-
F '-| u
155: It key made ef metal and hene. The bene ‘Phr-
has been mestly eaten by the puddle ef yuek.
tn erder te make the key usable again, the
bene must be replaced by seme ether material
{Repair rel] -2). Eltnce it is fixed. it will epen ___.__-_j''
the circular deer te Area C.
'15: A gigantic snew she-vel {Str+3} still in
decent shape.
sit: at small metal barrel. This is a em a."
tnerms. Wlten it is epenecl, an extremely leng' ‘T.
spring snake sheets ferth and acts as a 300'
repe and grapple. l-lmmm__. maybe they can
wall that says use this te get eut ef here later. It's reusable
tee. .
tha'li!'lT5'.;feTh'1_six-hdugdried "days.
“V "‘|._
..-ul".',_'.-
_ .
‘-rI-'.'-:1-
I.-_'_I|.
‘*
__ .-- -. _ __ *
. —j._
_ _ *1- '.'_. . _r
____ ""‘
.
.-.'
-I
 _’C'..The Vault
1 T11e cir1'11|.-11' p111't11| opens into .1 sn1alI1'
{ rnund 1'11.1111bc1'. ln t11e center 1111 t|1e
T _
‘
cha111ber is .1 straI1g1=, squat st11t111~ 11I' seine 1
,'»s111't 111' 1111I'11e1i an1pl1'1bia11 111' s11111et11iI1g..
i T111-'-t|11'11g 111111111 11 s|1111't 11'11111'1e11 pele iI1 its _1
hands. C1'111l1l t11is be t11e legeI11l111'1' ' ' st.-1l'f[
. .
y1111 f11r11'l11c11 _1'1111 se111'1'|1? D11, and the ll11111'1
I is c1we1'e1l in twisty spikes.
1____ _ _ _ _u___ _.___,_ ___________1
The flcncrr is indeed ccwe1'ed in twisty
spines, but tl1ey a1'e easy to walk arcrund. "1"ep,
this is indeed tl1e staff fDI' wl1icl1 they search.
It's basically just a w11c1clen pcile abbut 3 ybrts
icing (3') with a stra11ge metal tip on each end.
It dc:-esn' t lcucnk like 11111ch but it has snrt bf a
wei1'd aura Ell.'}G|LIi it. as if it is scimelhing fa1'
mclre pcrwerful than it appears tcr be (cuz it is}.
Anyway, D1"tL"E' anycrne tries tc1 pry the staff
frcrm tl1e statue's hands, the pcrcip predictably
hits tl1e prcwerbial fa11. This can be ayeided if
scrmecrne clcisely i11specti11g the stat11e makes a
successful l"~1crtice 1'Dll. The arn1s are crbyiciusly
rigged tn slide arcrund a bit if the staff is
remcwed. The l1eap can jam same rubble intcr
the c1'acks cur scsmething [Lbckpicking rcrlll tn
keep the trap frcnm spri11gi11g, but if tl1ey dc1n't
the entire ceiling ccullapses in en them.
1"51nyc1ne i11 the rbbm may 111ake an Ptgility 11311
at -2 m c11'der tcn jun1p intb Sinma ster Sncrc1gles'
crffice, but if they fail they each take =idE1 pciints
11f damage and a1'e b11ried be11eath a L'lDEE"1‘t
ycrrts crf swan1p mud and filth. Werms ca11 dig
themselyes Dtti at I]1e n1:11'mal rate, but anybne
else is gcsing tcr need help. Gvh yeah, and the
rcrcnm is also filling with water frclm abcwe.
Anya ne t1'ap ped under the muck must Inake a
"1='igc1r Tflll each rciund cir suffer a wciund
{Shaken first, of ccnursej. Make this pa1't
exciting, b11t t1'y net to kill anyc-ne u11less tl1ey
dcr scimething stupid cur refuse tcu use be1111ies.
Getting Glut
Glnce the heap have the staff, tl1ey must fi11d
a way tcr get ciut of the sin-c1-gcigue. Hcnpefully
1-
tl1ey'll t'hi11k crf scnmething creatiye. Gcirminee
1
{if he still lives} will thank the heap for their
help and premise tc1 retur11 in The Garde11 cuf
Smellemental Glee, assuming the heap hcnld to
their promise to cc-ntinue sea1'ching fur the
PSK.
Germinee is net SD easily ridded cnf,
l‘tGIWI.':""1-'E'I'. He will use reeks c-f invisibility a11d
ndseblcrating tc1 fcnllciw them fer a few days
befc-re making a11 atte111pt tcn steal the staff a11d
ccintinue the searcl1 himself. Gcirmjnee
actually l1as every ll‘1tE1‘ttlC|t‘t cnf returning
home, but the geas inflicted cm him by the
Dementicinal Etiscetesticus wc1n't let him.
Glf t_"'tZ!|ltt'5E‘, they may ncrt allew Gcnrminee to
leave SD easily. The heap may decide tci keep
him with them SCI they can return him tcu the
Garde11 himself er take him tcn GItl1c-tl1c+th
Blech in New Glnrlquar.
Wi:1111-_'s Next?
Beslaye Yeurself
151 Net Sc: Fund Farewell ta 1i11'111s
Bi€*S;1_‘@‘ii<i«’- ‘,€‘c:.1~1t.—1:-=sel.£ 1
Tu-—--—--- -u—-—------
If the heap want tcr find
the next piece tci the F'l'l5D-
kia11 Staff, ti1ey'll have tcu
trayel tcr Glcrwhicr tcu find a
member cif the Gree11spleen
cla11. Unfcnrtunately, as
they'll t.‘liSI:fl‘|1-'E'l', the entire clan has been
enslayed by the Gubernatcrr a11d fcrrced tcr
wcirk i11 a S]]‘IDi[iEI'5l:{tl‘tE mine.
Ginwhie
Hcnw the heap get ten Glcnwhici is up 1:11 them.
Must likely tl1ey'll be cciming c111 fflfit frcnm The
Fhesterance, a rcrute which will take them
thrc-ugh the fc-crthills cnf the Teats cif
Ecuzirgieaar, cur they might cut thrciugh the
hc-lewhence edge cif The M.c1c111ula1' Cheese
Fields. Either way, maybe yuu can plan
scimething fun fur them tcu dcr en the way;
perhaps an enccuunter with scrme l1ern1itic
ficu:11'gie.=:arians Gt‘ an attack by ‘I1-'Dt'flI.I'lCIUS
qcrc-cl1ac1111s. it's up tc1 yc-u, but cunce they get
there read this:
__.._j.j_ _ ,__ .. _..,_._.._,_.j___.:.__..__.__
Gl11wl1i11 is a 1.-'e1'y strange place. Theyi
sky is thick, dark a111i crra11ge 11'hile the 1111111 11
itself glnws with 1111 eerie, din1. blue b11I'11.
111 all directicms the g1‘c«111111 is bleak. hard _
stcnne, cratered and j11n1b1ed. infested with 1'
great mcky 11ut1'1'c«ppi11gs. chasms. a11d -,
c1111y1'111s. 1
1.——..,..-——-..—-_1—_...,_....._j.- .1. 1
_ _._n_nj _ _-1_ _- j-.-uja_-...-__r_n_-—uj-

Glewhie is a pretty dangereus place te be.
The enly water te be feund is in the greasy
mists that eccasienally blew in frem The
flhesterance te ferm stagnant peels ef grimy
muck against reck faces and puddle at the
bettem ef canyens and craters. The mest
abundant seurce ef feed are the mutant lend
fish that ream the desert feeding eff gravel
mites and meld. lvtest ef these fish are smell
and harmless, but they can grew te incredible
sizes and became quite veracieus.
lifter twe days the herees and all their stuff
will begin te acquire a dull glew ef their ewn.
This glew is net bright eneugh te dilute the
natural celer ef things, but it dees make
hiding in the dark almest impessible. The
glew will begin te fade as seen as they leave
Cilewhie, and will dim cempletely after a
week er se.
The heap will have te travel threugh the
desert fer Edd days befere they find any sign
ef intelligent life. When they de it is in the
ferm ef a bunch ef sl-aves end their masters.
Read this:
i This place really sucks. The feed sticks. T
the service is terrible, water is herd te find
and testes like filth, and te tep it all etfl
, yeu've develeped this
i escence that makes it herd te sleep er play
hide end ge seek. ‘fen heven’t seen any;
intelligent beings since yeu get here, aside i
frem thet gI'eup ef dudes en the heI'i:cen.
_ -jn _n- j _ _ n--_a- Z. -1:
The dudes en the heriaen are a bunch ef
slaves and serne laslunasters. They are eut
gathering water end hunting mutant land fish
te take back te the mine in which they live.
They haven't spetted the heap yet, but they
will seen if eur herees den’t hide. The heap
may be able te sneak cleser te get a better
leek. but 1'eme1nbe1' they glew in the dark se
Stealth rells have a -l penalty [enly -l since
everything else glews tee). Clnce they get
cleser, read this:
‘madam- _—..._n_a_1.-.a_n.a._-.—.._
_»"'t. l.n1ni'l1 Hi‘ guys {three tverms and ivce l
weird b-:u.ltIls]I in lnincleutlis are stretching a
big net i‘1etvvc.er't liver -:nItcI't'rppings_ Eitmte
etlier guys in lelincletlts ftv.-"er +.‘r:..'rat:l1es, twti
heduls, e crelncfillieli, end .1 vvertn} ere
{ svving'ing big paddles in the air and making
'
tidd 'wl‘n'Jr.iping |‘1e-ises_ lfeur guys draped in
bleclt. liflens crack wliips al'Hnve their heads
and sheet at them te lIl.II'I'_'|..'- "Ft:-1.1 can't make l
eut the species Int these l"a;*l"~lecke11ed telks,
and eddly emiugli their clntltes du net i
gltn-v-
The slaves with the paddles are psyching
themselves up se they can chase the herd ef
mutant land fish en the ether side ef the nest
ridge inte the net. The guys in black are
lashmasters (twe c1'eaches and twe beduls].
The lashmasters aren't belligerent, as leng as
the heap aren’t dressed as slaves.
If the heap try te sneak up en the greup and
are spetted by either the slaves er lashmasters
semeene will sheut an ala1'm and the slaves
will run te p1'etect the lashmasters. As leng as
the heap den’t attack a_nyene they will be
treated respectfully. I-lepefully the heap will
intreduce themselves at this paint, but if they
The Greenspleen
" -l—u '-" u-—-
"sis"
launch an attack fer seme reasen the sl-aves
will all fight ie the death te pretect the
lashni-asters.
Slaves flllistandard werms, becluls, crea-
ches, and a cremefillianjtpg 136}: The slaves
wear nething but leincleths. Sis ef them are
armed with big weeden paddles {Str +2], and
the ethers will use their fists.
Lashmasters teltstanclard creaches and
bedulsltpg 135]: The lashmasters all have
Fighting d "I ll. They are armed with whips and
clubs {Sir +2] but will net fight until mest ef
the slaves are incapacitated er they are
attacked directly. Their black cleaks, which
cever their entire bedies, are enchanted te
resist the glewing effects ef Glewhie.
if the heap decide te kill everyene, they’ll
have te wander fer Hclrl mere days befere they
meet anether such greup. If they have seine
sert ef peaceful accerd, ene ef the Ias hm aste rs,
a bedul named Eettemjaw, will speak fer the
greup. He will ask whe they are and, as leng
as they aren’t escaped slaves, be pelite and
henest. He'll answer any ef their questiens
regardingthe fish hunt-and wish them luck en
l‘|lEL'tl'l'I.-" lumin-
y their way. If they ask abeut the Greenspleens
he will get quiet fer a mement then tell them
he dees knew ef them, but he can’t remember
where their cave is. His memery can be jegged
if the heap will ge eut and catch the largest
_—_n -1- -_-__ _a_
mutant land fish in the scheel, a huge
menstresity called "El {.'ierde". He may accept
seine sert ef bribe instead, but that’s up te
yeu.
El Cierde is amid the scheel ef mutant land
fish just ever the nest ridge. There are
thirty—five fish in the scheel, which me-ans
they have a dli Smarts and can talk and
interact intelligently. The trick is te get them
te split inte smaller greups, which makes
them stupider and easier te catch. The
lashmasters will erder the slaves net te
__n_n__,.n_ _n_,_-,-..
participate in the hunt.
- .-.-
1——.-uI-
1
Mutant Land Fish {3-illipg E1}: The mutant
"—-I land fish are all medium sized and have
nermal MLF stats.
'\.-— r-.—- .I-r
El Get-de, Gigantic MLF [wild card]: El
1.-r
Eierde is just like any ether l'vl|-F escept he has
I- -
St-r dltl, Fighting dltl, Teughness Ill, and is
size +4 {-2 parry against srnaller creatures}.
if the heap manage te catch er kill El Gerde
...u-I.-u.-i...r-a.r
witheut damaging the bedy tee much, er if
they successfully bribe er intimidate
Bettemjaw, he will tell them what he knews
abeut the Greenspleens, which is this: the
Greenspleen clan lives in a cave abc-ut twe
days walk frem here. l-le gives them reugh
directiens, but says it is hard te find. He’ll
effer te sell them a slave whe can lead them
there fer 'lllilfl clams.
If the heap buy the slave {whichever ene
they want], they can be at the {Zireenspleen
cave in twe days. If net, they will mest likely
get lest aleng the way and have te backtrack
and leek fer land marks, which will take Eds
clan us_ed.,=_‘i'i:’ be estrernely intI’ti'5l' in
H :9 '.-T
I I
.*‘-r‘
- ——
- . -l" r . __l''
._, .I_. H:
51""
days. Remember te check fer randein
enceunters every day, but keep in mind
slavers and such met randemly de net knew
anything abeut the Cireenspleens.
The Greenspleen Cave
T*"#—*";*—— #fi
[ fill‘: l'1E1l‘|l Finally, this must be the place. '
[ is-'|1.1t ynu see iv.-=fere yeu is ynu r average,
[ £."cI_*ryLlay, run—et—tl1e—r1‘till huuse built inte El
cave situetinn ll». quite n‘mdern lei-nkillg
l'|nuset'rent til carved stene b1'icl<.s, glass
wiI‘1I..lmvs, i3II‘n.l brightly painted
"
shutters juts truth the arched cave rneu|'.l‘L
,I i’l.I"t elegantly ce1'ven.l wemi-_-n deer stands
within the ezcpansive frtlttt pt:-rclt. Ft.
I L'I'1.-‘I'1'ti;"l'-'lllli-'Il‘t in a leiitclnth kneels en the
per-:'l1 1'Ie:~:t tea a line Ill: rncking chairs,
scru bbing back .‘.n*u.l fnrtl‘1 with serI11e kind ef
st:-zip},-' brush- fits yeu appreach, the frent
di:-er crpens and a smiling bndul dressed in
taut-:'y green duds ctmies eut, waving and
' grilming in a trieru_lly rnanner. "ll-‘tfelct'Jl'|'tE‘
visiters," he beams- ”5L'|'.li'.|}"| my bnwels and
save the lefint-'ers_ l lave a seat en the perch
and rest yeur Llatvgs-”
._,,,._____,_,.___.___,__ ._,___,___._,__
The bedul is lieenestril P-:1-rttynieuth I. ..1.-"'r P.
‘Hill. a ceusin ef the Gubernater ef Ewg. _' .- .
iieenestril is very friendly, even sending a -n.
.1‘ ‘-
sf
slave te fetch seme ceid speeberry juice and up
baked mutant land fish fritters fer the heap’s
refreshment. He has a terrible pettymeuth, as
his name implies, but the even his epithets are
friendly. l-ie wen't let the heap inte the heuse,
claiming he is redecerating and hes
embarrassed te let them see the mess, but they
can stay en the perch and chat as leng as the *' "
want. W hen asked alaeut the Greenspleens he
leeks sad and tells the heap the Greenspleens
used te live here, but they defaulted en a lean
frem the Eiubernater and were seld inte
slavery. l-ie thinks the family patriarch,.
‘feceplialus Eireenspleen werks at a
smelderstene mine net tee far away. .4
F'eenestril is happy tn give them detailed 1-""1;
directiens.
_. -.n-
The Smeiderstene Mine _
Net tee far away frem the fermer -
Greenspleen cave {abeut 4 heurs by feet} is
the smelderstene mine mentiened by
Peenestril ll-’ettymeuth_ lt's net much te leek
at frem abeve greuncl, but it's actually a-
pretty huge eperatien. Beneath the surface are
yerts and yerts ef tunnels linking deeens ef
caves that descend hundreds ef yerts inte th -
Clith. Several hundred slaves‘ werk here, *---
aleng with deeens ef lashmasters, everseers,
fermen, and the like. The enly part ef the
mines visible frem the surface are a few stene
eutbuildings, wareheuses, and effices. __
Severe] deeen slaves, all dressed enly in
leincleths, lead wagens {pulled by trained
mutant land fish] with crates ef smelderstene
fer sale and expert. E-Several entrances te the_
mines can be seen, each guarded by a ceuple" _
ef lashmasters in black cleaks.
Cine ceel thing is since the stenes ef
l'.'_ilewhie glew dimly en their ewn, the mines
are illuminated threugheut. Smelderstene
J
sIuvhrei;gAyss“a'sr
’
.ar's,m1r_.-.‘gEiins_'a...
--:""
a_

7%.:
f ._. _
[A
itself glews much mere brightly and with a
different hue than the nermal stene ef
Glewhie.
The heap have several eptiens at this peint.
They can try in Find same kind ei bess and
'efier te buy ‘fecephalus, they ceulcl try te
sneak in witheut a disguise, er they ceuld
disguise themselves as slaves and lashmasters
and try te sneak in. lvtest ef the nest sectien
assumes they cheese this eptien.
If they ask semeene whe is the bass:
Ftnyhedy can tell them the guy in charge is
Peenestril Pettymtiutli. If they want te deal
with him they'll have te ge back te the cave.
'eenestril was having fun with them befere
se he didn't tell them he ewns the mine and
all the slaves. He is willing te sell ‘fecephalus
fer till-iiltl clams.
If they try te sneak in undisguised: This is
pretty much a hepeless endeaver. hint enly -:.le
‘-r~ _ey have ne idea e:-tactl y where Yecephalus
is, but just abeut everyene in the mine will
realise they aren't su ppesed ta be there and
will raise an alarm. I suppese, with
lrtvisibility and such the heap might be able te
pull this eff, se give them a chance, but the
best bet is in disguise themselves as slaves
and intermingle with the real slaves until they
find Yecephalus-
If they try ta sneak in disguised as slaves:
Leincleths aren't that hard te fincl, altheugh
unless they managed te cnllect a lashmaster
cieak at same peint aleng the way the heap’|I
have t-reuble making a cenvincing disguise at
that sert. Dnce inside they sheuld be able te
wander areund pretty easily as lnng as they
manage te leek busy whenever a lashmaster
cemes aleng. I-lepeiully they’|l think ahead
and stew their gear in a wheelharrew er
semething they can bring alnng.
..u'_.' The thing is, these mines are geesin’ huge!
just walking areund. Remember, the heap
#-
have ne idea what he leeks like, er even what
species he is. They ceuld ask amund, but that
ceulcl he dangereus if any lashm-asters
everhear. It will take a successful Streetwise
rell at -4 te find any useful infnrmatien irem a
slave. fltsking a lashmaster can be dangereu s.
and requires a liersuasien er Streetwise rell at
-4 irem a here disguised as a lashmaster.
‘.;.Slaves asking a lashmaster will be met enly
with whippings. Failed Streetwise er
Fersuasien rells either mean the persen asked
deesn’t knew Yecephalus er is afraid te talk.
The heap can try until they succeed, but if
they ask tee many peeple in ene area it may
attract attentien.
it sheuld take several heurs ef wandering
threugh the mines and questiening peeple
befere they find eut where ‘fecephalus is.
He's predictably werking way dewn in the
deepest part ei the mine in an unstable area
Full ei cellapsing walls and dangereus
mensters.
if the heap try semething stupid, like
starting a slave revelt er trying te fight
everyene they meet, they will net be
i"
white pink is the most common ct:-ler iar aI-l"edre they are also l'{‘H.Jrr-|:'.l in blue. yellow. grey, and brews.
—-_ .1-26 .1
,-It --
. .3‘. J’
successful. The slaves accept their place in life
and realize they have newhere te ge if they de
revelt.
The Deepest Part ef the Mine
The werk crew that includes ‘fncephalus is
werking in a newly excavated tunnel many
yerts free‘: the mere pepuleus sectiens ef the
mine. as the heap make their way teward this
area, read this:
—'- 4-é-'-4
_I:|.—.- J-‘:Il—d. .fl.
Sakes alive, these iulmels must ge an
ierever. "‘r'eu’ve been wallcing let‘ what
seems lil~:.e heurs in a narrcnv cylindrical
passage that winds and twists like the guts
el same really ama:-tingly huge guy. "r’eLI’ve
passed the eccasienal c1'ew el slaves
I' pushing wlieelbarrcnvs lull el glewing '
ruck, but nene ui them included
1 ‘fecephalus and they've all been heading
l baclt the way yet: came. it's been cjuite a
' back.
disceuraging while since yeu've seen I
atn,-'l=.«ca.iy else. fits yen reuncl a steep tu1'n
yet: are surprisecl in see a wide chasmt
splitting the passage and barring ye.nu1'
pregress. A s ireng ei thy
accempanied by cepieus steam and hissing
burbles cemes up irem the deep rill.
"%TTb i .._
The chasm is a bettemless cup ef ceffee. it’s
abeut Ell yerts acress [EU] and quite slippery.
The surface ef the bubbling brewn fluid is
abeut '15 yerts ['I5’] belew the lip ef the
passage, but it's unfathemably deep. Anyene
"-
-' ._.:'~-‘Mu: ._
Tutephalus Ereeaspleen
""""""""""*-"""""""'*-""'f'
smell.
"1-"EH
whe falls in suffers eas petnts ef damage per
reuncl and must make a Swimming rell er
begin te sink as the bailing undertew pulls
them under. it": drewned persen is pretty
much unreceverabie since the thing is se
deep.
There are several pessible ways te cress the
chasm. A character ceuid climb sideways
acress the passage wall {Climbing -2} er take a
running jump [if she can jump ever Ell’). The
slaves that passed here befere have a pertable
hridgef ladder thingee they carry with them.
The bridge is lying en the greund in the
passage just acress the chasm- intelligent use
ef repes er samesuch might allew the heap te
snag the bridge and drag it acress. The heap
may figure their c:-wn way acress. if they de,
reward intelligent playing with bennies.
as the heap pender hew best te cress the
chasm they hear the seund ef feetsteps irem
back the way the came. Give them a minute er
se te prepare befere a greup ef lashmasters
cemes walking dewn the cerrider. its min as
they see the heap, ene ef the lashmasters will
sheut "‘t"e, what are yeu deing here? We
weren't teld anather crew was in this
passage!"
Lashmasters {t':-lfstandarcl hercs, Fighting
cllfl}: The lashmasters are all hercs. They are
armed with whips and clubs [Str+2}. They
each have ‘iii yerts ('ltl'} ef repe, thick leather
beats, and black [nen—glewing) cleaks. Cine
has twe bettied reeks [Telekinesis and Stun).
They alse carry a big jug ef water and a
bundle ef dried meat.
Quick thinking and a Persuasien rell frem
the heap may allew them te aveid a fight here,
but the lashmasters are already suspicinus
and ernery. They wnuld really enjey killing
the heap and tessing their bedies inte the
bettemless cu p ei cel-"tee just fer fun. The hercs
have been sent te relieve the lashmasters
everseeing ‘t’ecephalus' crew. Enterprising
herees might kill these hercs and assume their
identities.
Dance the heap deal with the hercs and cress
the chasm they have enly a shert distance te
ge befere they start te hear the seunds at
mining up ahead. Eventually the passage
epens inte a larger chamber. A ceuple et
dezten slaves wielding l-reweis and picks are
harvesting glewing erange smelderstene
frem the walls ef this cave and leading it inte
wheelbarrews. Several lashmasters leunge
lazily nearby, chatting ameng themselves and
eccasienal flicking a whip acress semec:-ne's
Slaves {2fi}{varieus species] {pg 1315]: The
slaves all wear leincleths.
Lashmasters {fi}{ane creach, ene werm,
twe hercs, twe cremefilliansllpg 13-6]: The
lashmasters are armed with whips and clubs
[Sir +2}. The werm is wearing a bitchin’ hat.
Depending en the heap’s disguise, the
lashmasters might think they are the crew that
has ceme te relieve them er perhaps mere
r‘
-u
‘U
 ._ .
it
slaves sent te help with the laber. Seme fast
talking and a Persuasien rell might aveid a
fight, depending en what the heap de and say.
‘fecephalus is ameng the slaves. He’s a
strange bedul with giant feet and eddly
bleated ferearms. The creach lashmaster is a
tiny little guy and he sits perched nn
‘r’ecephalus’s sheulder aiest ef the time,
flicking the peer bedul en the ear te ntetivate
him. They heap may be able te tell a
believable lie in nrder tn separate "t’ecephalus
frem the greup. Use yeur judgment and let
the heap be creative.
Dnce the heap are able te chat with
‘fncephalus [page 'i4,'2}, either by taking eut
the lashmasters er cenvincing them te hand
him ever fer transfer nr semething, they will
Find him tn be very sad and exhausted. He
will answer their questiens ab-nut just abeut
anything they ask, but he wen’t discuss the
lirisekian Staff until the heap cnnvince him
they are net werking fer Feenestril er the
Gubernater. C-tnce they manage tn dn this, he
will tell them what he knews:
t-—- ""—|'lI .‘*-;£l- n-“I|'I"|II..-F'|I-l. —I""|IlI|I-I-.i' HI
'CiillIl"IL‘1' reuittl the t.‘aIripfiI'e, childreli, It's
'j
sterylinie---
Ye, my family, tl'teUreensj1lee1i clan, was i
eiice a I'lt.l histericall_v a very pe1.~.-'erful and
influential bunch in. these parts- In fact we
used in etvn this I'nir1e in whicli we I1fl'L"t.-'-
werk. That was i‘1efere I11}.-' idiet sen bet the
I entire stack en the slug races and test the
I whele rness tn the Eul‘1erI‘tateI‘- f‘sl1:‘i1.’v' vveire
all slaves and nut lieldings are in the hands
i_ ef the lZ]ube|'iiateI"s +.‘nI_|sin lfeeliestril- lt
really sucks, but what can ya tin?
j The walls ef the pit are slimy and smeeth
:"t1i_'iv'tt'ay, this 5:"-taff ynu're asl-ting abeut-.- l
l den’t knnw netliing alie1_tt a staff, but I de '
l-mew semething al‘:e1.Il stimetliiiig. i'yly
great gI‘am_li_latltl_'v used tn l'taye a treasure '
that seuiitls snn‘1etl1ing lil-te that. The '
llrisnltiaii lipigraplis l1e called it- I have ne '
clue v~.'hat’s hei‘et't'te ef it, but graI‘1+.ldatltlj.'
alt-va_'vs kept his impertalit stuff in a tire;
l_t]'lLl er the kitchen fleer.
. _
‘T’
Dnce the heap have
answered, Yecephalus weuld like tn return te
werk. Cine thing he knews that it just didn’t
nccur in him tn mentien is there is a secret
passage that cennects these mines tn the cave
that l’eenestril lives in. If anyene asks, he’|1
describe it in detail, but if they delft ask ht‘:
wen't tell.
The tunnel is feund in a mere pepuleus
area ef the mine, behind a big neck, It shnuld
be ne treuble fer the heap te sneak inte the
passage, prnviding they dnn’t de anything tne
ebvieus. The tunnel gees fer a few heurs,
winding arnund en itself several times. rttleng
the way the heap will start te netice scattered
benes and the eccasinnal blnndstain. I-‘ts they
meve furthe.r en, the benes and stains beceme
mere prnfuse.
Kanker Ambush
J - . . l_
i This tunntrl is geltilig :.1|*II1:.i‘u.‘ing. It l=;eej'i.s 1»
‘ hacktracking
and winding
climbing up and dawn and still turtherj
I 'I
h the eld-an days they used tepurisli iasubeftliiant slaves by feeding tliern t_ei'FriiJtant land fish‘!
- -
i. '-
.~ 1} I
_; ._ j-|'— .. 'q_
_ ‘'1'
dewn, fitting the way the tr-iitretsitinall
chewed bnne nr splntchy blendstain has;
-_'aLigl‘it veur attentien, hut sn far there'sl
hecn ne sign ef wl‘iat clit-rwed the bcitiu.-1s er
'l spilled
.
the l'rleed. llev,
,. . .
, - what s that? lherc
seems in snme sert ef bettle lying en the -
i
! fleer up ahead-
'\—---u -u-- ,. ...__-_...__- _..._
There is indeed a bettle en the fleer up
ahead. its a reek {Greater Healing} gathered
frem a previeus victim by the kanlcers that lair
in this tunnel. They've set it up in an ebvieus
place as the lu1'e in a sinister trap. See, the
fleer in this sectien ef the tunnel is very brittle.
That’s because there isn't really a fleer at all,
just a sert ef false fleer the l-canlters made eut
ef their ewn dried waste material. As seen as
anyene gets within a few yerts [T] ef the
bettle the fleer will crumble away beneath
them, spilling them inte the chamber belew
{unless they mat-:'.e an Agility rell at -2]. The
fall is abeut ED yerts [Eff] and inflicts sas
peints ef damage. The area ef crumbly fleer is
It} yerts {ll]’} leng and cevers the cer1'ider
frem wall te wall.
In the pit are twe kanhers, whe will
immediately set upen anyene whe falls in.
The neise will attract feur mere l-tankers whe
rush in frem the cerrider beyencl the crumbly
fleer. These kanl-cers will spit caustic phlegm
at anyene in the hele and at the ether
characters in the tunnel.
Kanlcers [E]{Pg 3]]: The kankers are really
hungry and wiil fight tn the death.
{Climbing -2}.
The Deer
. between
The tunnel centinues nn fer anetherl
r heuI' er se befere ending abruptly at a
‘ circular metal deer. Tliere dnesn't appear j
i he be a keyliele er lecking mechanism ul
any kind,
'|I"'||'U
L t
their questinns A mere thereugh e:-iaminatien ef the deer
{and a l“~letice rnllj will reveal a were patch en
the wall just abeve it. This is a false stene that
pulls eut te reveal the end efa rusty chain set
in the wall. Pulling en the chain, which slides
eut several yerts frem the wall, will raise the
deer. It requires a cembined Strength rell ei
'12 te lift H‘I,e deer, Clnce it’s epen, the deer
must he prepped epen semehew er it will
clese befere the last persnn helding the chain
can get threugh.
The (lid Greenspleen Cave
Wliether by entering threugh the deer in
the mines er by just walking up and knncl.-ting
en the deer, the heap will rnest likely want te
esplere the eld Greenspleen cave. if they enter
threugh the mines they will start in the cellar.
Cltlierwise they'll start in the living rnem. The
frnnt deer is unlncked, if they kneck en the
deer they will be answered by Feennstril
himself. He is just as friendly as ever, but he
areund,
abselutely refuses te let them in the heuse, If
r " 1
they tell him abeut the be: buried beneath the
-h‘ ., r 'I'
.
_
_r .- ..
as . __.-_
kitchen fleer, he effers te sell them the beat
and its centents fer 'llIlil,lllIl clams. Cttherwise
he sends them en their way.
If the heap attack Peenestril, he will scream
g
- fer help, summening his twe eclre
'
bedyguards frem behind him in the living
rnem. if he is killed, he will be immediately 1"
._.....,j.___:_ _..j___ ._....__._____ _
replaced by his geed twin, whe leeks just like, vi
him but dnesn’t have a geatee. The geed twin
will gladly give the bes te the heap fer free,
Ddres {.?,}{pg 31}: The ed res are each armed“
with a reclr. {Str-F2).
if they fnrce their way inside, either
threugh the cellar er the frnnt deer, they will
be in fer quite a sheck, The entire cave is‘-._
cempletely deveid ef furniture and any sert
ef embellishment er decnratinn, the seie
esceptien being a single stene chair in the
center ef the living rnem. Several walls
appear te have cellapsed, blecking access te
further reaches ef the place. If the heap have
an eppertunity te ask Peenestril abeut this, he
tells them his ceusin sent a hnrde nf slaves te I
repessess all ef his stuff. all he has left is this" = - .5,
chair, a jug nf speeberry juice, and a basket -I -'
mutant land fish fritters, aleng with the
listed in his Peeps entry [pg ‘l-till},
S-erne water stains en the fleer in ene reern
indicate the kitchen. A thnreugh search and a
btetice rell at -2 will reveal a tense stene in the
fleer. The stnne can be prie~cl up, revealing a
small niche beneath. Clccupying the niche is a
little rnetal best. The be:-i is lecked and the key
is newhere te he feund, but it can be picked
{l.,eckpicking -1} er smashed epen (Teughriess __
‘tilt. inside are a whele bunch ef tiny scre'tlti',"
ivlest ef them are meaningless te anybedy but
the Greenspleens, financial recerds and the
like, but ene is a decument describing a trade
ifllciffer Cireenspleen and the
Humung-a tribe nf Clerb's Wang. ,n‘-tpparently
flciffer traded semething called the Frisekian
Epigrams in exchange fer mineral rights te an:
suppesed uriniurn mine semewhere en the
l peninsula.
Cewering behind a reck in ene ef the re-ems
is a strange little giggity. It has ahserbed .»..-.___
feltewing traits {a blue mehawk haircut,
lrnpreved Sweep {Edge}, Level Headed
{Edge}, rf"i1"l‘tlL3ltIlEJtl'I‘[‘,|US [Edge], Strength d3,
and an incentinent bladder.
If the giggity is captured by the heap a-
primnrdial gnnn will begin te chase them,
arriving 21.14 heurs later-
',.
Frirnerdial Geen {pg E2}: The geen wen't ‘Pau-
mess areund. It just tries tn kill everyene.
Beselutien
Dace the heap find this infermatien they -- .':-"'
will mest likely want te travel te Clc-rb’s
Wang and seek eut the Prisekian Epigraphs,
The reute will take them threugh the "feats ef
Beergle:-tar. ,
What's Next?
it Wang and a Prayer
A hint Se Feud Farewell te Arms
reg,‘ just sat the:-crap’ utit at t|'err~._
., . _j__ .
‘F .-I"
ut-
 This is a very brief
adventure, mere et an
intreductien te a new
recurring character than
anything else. Depending en
where the heap are ceming
trem [mest likely Gargle Twice, Clerb’s
- Wang, The Iihesterance, er Glewhie}, feel tree
te spice things up aleng the way with randem
enceunters er seme lilet Peints c-t yeur ewn if
yeu want.
Altheugh this Tale can happen at just abeut
any time, it is vital te the everall plet, since the
heap need l'*~lerq’s Disenlargificater tn enter
Primerclial Seup Kitchen ence they Find it.
‘ggaihe
The Wuss
at seme paint as the heap matte their way
he wherever they decide te ge next read this:
——'l'fi1Lil's this Iitriv? i""'i|'!|2'!i‘l1'I.‘I'1l'l_'|y: ll,-'t}L:|T
t'tEtt.-'en'l seen L'.“t'L=rj.'t|1iIrg. "feali, that appeL1rs
r in he L‘: 1.~.'LIss, lhe ltivvliest L}fIL.'t1t'llLlll'|lI11t1]1lI'5
ct:-Ining lI{‘.I"i-‘v':'.l1'Ll y-nu waving a vvliitc flag. its _
il clctses in il sLn.‘ldertl_v LlisL‘tppeL‘trs, lhel |.
F

vt'l1itetlag drifting slLna.'|yt-:ill1t'1grtiu11-..l.

N
The wuss is gene, but a message is written
en the flag:
Maankaas L._._.............._...,L...L_.................._L....L_...,
llvlan, what a classy jeint. Elegant mned t
—l’l/7t* .s/tiarrfci .sy.'tr?t.Trt.
‘I--ul-1-I-—-\.Jj._l—. _l-'15-La "H.

l i'v’lLiankaLis is it very bi.'.carre place, LJ!‘|lll"t.l'.? lighting, pelishecl surfaces, gleaming I

771.-:.' Cit:-’esr'csr' Cr-.*r'ct'I Ia‘
,.l/l/llLi't'i' i‘i'£lfr’tr't.:? .
-Uc?
. way te lvlaankaas, but if net, eh well, they’lI
III I‘.
‘.
The Meertular Cheese Fields
Once the heap make their way inte the
lvleenular Cheese Fields:
--|-A-3 ;,—.,_a.._n.n.:.-.n_-.-....j.,
*3-ull'erin' seclcs, this is ene stI'ange place.
Gigantic curdled meunds cit‘ smnnth green ]
' cheese ceyer the grnund as far as the eye I
can see. lleles gI'eaI and small riddle Term
I bridges "tl'it.'l tunnels threugh which yeur
path winds. Clccasienally yeu ceme acress
buhbling lalces lat
' subterranean caverns ripe with blue meld.
The whele place is rather diserienting, but E
ii
yeu eventually find a read te fcrllew and a
painting tewa rd l'vlaar:l~:aas.
Liignpest -5-u--H -I----I--I--I--'-I-r |.H----
L‘tnytl'1iI'tg ytiifi-‘e l."'v't"I' iInL‘tgi|u.‘r..l. The entire chandeliers, bubbling let: nia ins, u ni Tnrme d
lr city is -_'LtrveLl frtnn the surrr‘.tu11-_ling cheese. waiters, and... t.".'rl"t wait, that was the place
‘
Urn.-‘Lit tnwers Lind L1rc|u‘t| turrets l.‘tt‘.'t'ILl in yeu dreamed abnut last night. This place is
'
. every’_ dircctinn, casting their grccri a dive. The stink et eld cheese permeates
~.sl‘taLlt:-ws cancer the ll‘lI'.‘.Il.1.'-ii'lt'ILli-i til lesser the air, the plastered walls are chipped, _-
' l'tL1ilL‘liIi_5_;s and spl"terir.‘L‘1l cltnnes. rlt l‘t]'-t‘.Ii.'lLl stained, and meldy, and the enly waiter in I
str*r.-wt pLi't'ed will‘: pe‘tI‘itit'Ll slalas ell cunlletl is a surly and unpleasant leelcingi
E isight
l'vl-:mrI iI_1ice runs th:rr:-ugli the center tit} ; bcrclul with a scewling lace en his scewling l
ttnvn, l‘+rL‘tIu‘l‘tiI*tg and vi-*iI‘It.iiI‘tg in every l lace.
[ i..l iret:tiIm1_ 1 "Sit yeur geesin’ wanlr. ever there by the
I: -__.-._1_- .._.-....._.-..._-.__ ——-:—---u-I---—.-—--I 5-.-
junk pile," he mutters, painting in a cerner q
The heap are free te wander the thriving L L -‘* by L1 stringe '
beeth 'tl'Il"t"IlJlli_L'l
L- L guy I'I'I'tL'lE'
L et
metrepelis ef lvlaankaas at' their leisure. lf I'usty metal and filth. "That Line's been
4:. H; T1‘.
they ask areund abeul: Lluulen Crepules and {er yet: a geesin' age and a clay." l
Ln,-'L"titit1g . . ,
make a successful Streetwise tell, they will be
teld that he has been seen in tewn lately, but The junk pile in questien is lvlister
Filthingten [page 1-til}, a centanimatrenic
nebedy l=:I'tD‘.-‘U5 where he currently is. He is a
suspect in a recent theft at' the Cheesenasium. minien created by Lluulen Crepules and new
It seems that semeene recently stele the ewned by Grabmaster lfilercl {page 139}.
presthetic arms ef riiiusgfe I-‘tullh, fermer big Filthingten has been sitting in this beeth
mellen cheese, er cheese ef the Cheesemengers Guild. waiting fer the heap te arrive fer ever a
Eventually they will ceme te a huge hundred clays. He deesn’t mind, theugh,
cylindrical building painted with majestic being a centanimatrenic minien and all. When
murals depicting incredibly huge werm-lilce the heap meve teward him he will rise trem
creatures burrewing threugh the cheese. An the beeth and metien fer them te sit.
'-|.-.t-|-.I-.|I'I-|-"---r'II-.|-
,j _ _ _ _:_._ j._,_:..:.j,.._,_ : _,.._..., 1..

elegant sign ever the deerway denetes The "It's al'H'.iut dLtng time ynu vva|tr.cd in I
After several days ef travel threugh the Cheesiest Leech. here. ’L‘n‘l-L ytmr w'a'.-v:r.'n_is arttl clnig snn'ie_
_|I-It.-
"'r
curds, eccasienally meeting merchants and grtig, l am l"-lister l*'iItl1irtgtc.-n. Clur l'I{‘.I‘.‘il' will I
ether travelers alnng the way, the heap spy
L-

be ‘I,-vilh us E-il'II'.3II'lll_‘y"_," creaks the i!.11‘t‘tl*rleLl

_ -.-

the lefty tewers and curving pinnacles ef The Cheesiest Leech

mininn as the surly v».-‘L1itc1' slarns Li pitcher
lvlaanlcaas. nt l'nL‘n‘1‘ty green Fluid and Lt tL“I.v mugs cmtci
Clnce the heap enter The Cheesiest Leech,
read this: the table-
:-

Grabmaster Here] is the mast lameus burglar an Elith. Anyone with Streetwise has heard cut him.
_2.2
_qJ
 -— .. . .
‘J-
The heap can ask
whatever they want, but if they ask about
Lluulon Crepulos, he just tells them to wait for
their host to arrive. after a few minutes read
this:
.I__.____._. :_,_,._m___j.::__
l ‘L-’l."t‘n.v;.r.ersl 'l_l1ere wasn't ct guy sitlingj
the1‘t' a minute ago, but the empty seat at
j your table is now tio.'I_ipiei.l tn." a very ticltl T
l.".It.1I._lIJl- l-le ‘Wt.-‘."£tl'!-ii a great mass of busl'ty hair _
l hounti by a red leather head band that i
covers the top part of his head with hol-:.=s I
cut out for the cy-:.‘s- ‘Willi a wink and:
outstrelclietl hand he i1‘Ll1‘oduct-.*s liilriselt,
j the manager of The Cheesiest Leech, an
"ljr.1brt‘taster ."slorL.j is mj.’ name."
:u ——-—--n--- -u-u—--— -I--——-r
The heap may react to his sudden
appearance and introduction. after which he
continues in a cool and confident manner:
a.-—-—.j—;.a-._n_
j "‘i’ou are, as you most likely know, the’
victims of a sinsiter Uuulou Crepulos. That r
fellow has hired me, the greatest pilferer in
j all of l'~.'lutha Ditli, to beI'eft you of certalnj
j properties. I thought it would be sporting j
-I of me to let _vou know this in advance, so i
you aren't too confused when things start “I
to go missing, or you could, if you prefer to
save yourself the worry, just hand over a
few itelns and we can all be on our way."
: ._...._--u.__
The items he wants are the lirisokian Staff,
Helm, Shield, and Epigraphs, of course. I
really doubt the heap will just hand them
over. lf they threaten Grabrnaster, or try to
attack him, he will Teleport himself and
Mister Filthington away at the first
opportunity, leaving behind a small locked
metal box.
The lock on the box is very complex
[Lockpicking -2}. inside the box is some
random item that Grabmaster stole from the
heap while they were just conversating {you
can roll Stealth for him if you want, but he
should be successful anyway bec.ause it makes
the story cooler.
If the heap do not threaten or attack him,
Grabmaster will stay and share a meal with
them. During the course of the conversation
he will brag about how he recently stole some
prosthetic amis from the Cheesenasium and
framed Crepulos for the crime {without
LJu|on‘s knowledge, of course]. He did this to
gain some leverage in case Lluulon neglects to
pay him once he steals the heaps’ items.
Resolution
Grabmaster hlorcj won't steal the artifacts
right away. Instead, he uses an oofo relic
called the lllisenlargificator to shrink himself
and lvlister Filthington
microscopic size. He will then climb aboard
one of the heroes and follow them on their
adventures. Clccasionally
belonging to the heap will go missing, but
lslorq wants to wait until the heap find the rest
of the Priso ki-an artifacts before he tries to steal
the big stuff.
At some point in a later tale, if the heap are
in desperate trouble, Norq might reverse the
polarity on the lflisenlargificator to regain his
normal size and aid the heap in some way.
‘fears age
"'
_. .. J:
lvlister Filmington He's a thief, not really tin evil guy, plus he
The coastal scrub of skinny mushrotims l
wants the heap to find the Frisokian artifacts
I and brilliantly l1lor.‘nning Inoltls 1'-ventually
so he can steal them.
gives way to tin:-re niountainnus regions
The Disenlarglficator is an important
crn.-'e1‘etl in thick, -_li-nsc forests of
device, since it will eventually allow the heap
blacl-.'.ent-‘Ll, pt.-triliet.l trees and niassiye
to enter the l"-’rimor-:.'lia| Soup Kitchen [in a
_:_: ,j.__._
1' rountl lfHuulLlc1's- The valleys are vt-1rital:llE
manner of spea king].
jdeath traps of steaming gravel, boiling
j mu Ll, and violent geysers.
Uh Yeah. I filrnost Forgot its -you hillow a path of sorts tlirnugh tl1II-2' r
The heap may decide to deliver the gift tnvrerilig sttme lrt1c's the sounds cif gurgling
given to them by lmeoso l-lroop in Greetings a l'lLl retcliing reticlies your cars from up
Clith Creature, lylay I Take Your Drtleri. If so, aheatl a bit.
1 '1-—--"—---III‘-' '-I-I-'-----'-I-ul-'—'--ii-—-IIIII1-III"-Ir'lIE'“'
evangelical teeale Freak croach named jelly If they choose to investigate the singing:
Donitt thanks them for their trouble and sets r
r g.-.-u.n.— .. a_n._n.n.-__:_
------—
l lln‘u‘1‘tn1n‘t
' Hit’. ms.'t1 bun L‘ h 4. if horcs
. it .'-‘-‘. “. are
the package aside for later. {Since he finds out I
j buihlinglintlses- ft coupli.‘.' nl i_ltnr.en cut them
- -u
the package is from the oofos of the Grey '
are cr.iugt'iir1g up great gobs of purple
Matter Booeaterium he looks dubious, but
-j__a.—_:.-a. _-.-n. a— _n-—_na.n-i.
j phlegm and molding them into walls and
accepts it anyway. If the heap ask to speak
l roots lnrtt-vce:‘1 the roots of the gargantuan
with Asparagtihster Fromage, they are told he
trecas. Fiorne of the horcs are shoveling great
is away on business and will not return for
spur:-nt'uls of 1‘noli.l into their rnuuttis for
some time.
Ir sorne reason-
r2.—u-.-u_—i_a._n. ._ —...-._..—-._.- -._- -.-__ .-._. ----—.._..- ._-——_-—-.-...-
What's Next? The horcs create a wonderful building
Any Tale can be run concurrently with this material by mixing the spoonfuls of mold-'__
one. The events introduced in this T-ale with their own phlegm. The heap can stay an,
-j
conclude in rt. Powerful and Enigmatic Secret watch the horcs as long as they wish. If the _
of the Universe, under the heading I-‘t hlc-t So approach the horcs, or make their presence..-
known, the horcs are only vaguely interested.
._.__ _..j.._.n_m_...._..... ...__. -5...
Fond Return to Ptnns [see page "1351, which
should be played once all of the pieces of the They are all wearing long skirts made of
woven mushrooms and each wields a giant
Staff are collected, but before they are
assembled- bone spoon [Str +2}.
These are horcs of the Browneye tribe. They
a.a. —_
will not attack the heap but will fight
mercilessly if attacked. See, to them fighting is
a sacred thing. They only fight in ritualistic
ceremonies or when hunting. If the he£IF"T-
aml .3. Prayer
attack them the horcs will be extremely
insulted.
‘hi -u. --'-H
The lirowneyes are building a new village
here among the tree roots since their current
In this Tale the heap travel village is getting too crowclecl- They speak
to the peninsula of Clorb’s with whiny accents and nasal voices.
Wang to sea1'ch for the Hopefully the heap will try to ntalce
Frisokian Epigraphs. Their peaceful contact with the horcs. If they do the"
travels will most likely take lirowneyes will be friendly and generous,
them through the Teats of offering food and shelter fora night or two. If
Boorglezar, where you can have fun with the heap ask about the Frisokian Epigratgts
volcanoes, mudslides, avalanches, random the horcs will consult with each other ""
monsters, and the like. Maybe they'll want to private for a while; then declare that such
stop off at the Eloorglesarium for some healing knowledge is sacred and only by partici-
and souvenirs or resupply at the f.3ubernator’s pating in a sacred ritual may the heap learn
Slave Market and Smolderstone Emporium the answer. The heap are asked to choose a-
on the outskirts of Glowhio. It’s up to you champion to meet the tribal buttkieker,
{and them), but once they reach Clortfs Wang Clmaguna hiikbuti {page 'l4fl}, in a ritualistic
the real fun can begin. fight to the death. If the heap's champion ' . .
Clorlfs Wang is a broad coastal peninsula successful, the Erowneyes will tell them what -'
covered in vast prairies of fungal sc1'ub, deep they know about the Frisokian Epigraphs.
down to almost valleys, steaming gravel pits, and eitpansive Here's how the fight works. Each
forests of ridiculously huge petrified trees. participant {Clmaguna and the heap's champ}
is tethered by long ropes to a huge tree that
" '
random items The Browneye Tribe overhangs a shallow canyon. The combatants
The Browneyes are an idiosyncratic tribe of begin on separate sides of the canyon and
primitive horcs that dwell on Clorb’s Wang. must swing across and meet in the middle,
They are the first intelligent guys the heap swiping at one another with big stone
will meet once they get to the peninsula. After hammers {Str+4]| while geysers of boilingve
mud erupt beneath them. The canyon is about
the heap wander the peninsula for a bit,
maybe getting attacked by some monsters or forty yorts [I-ll.l']I deep. Draw two cards for the
stubbing a toe or something, read this:
mud geysers each round as well. If either
comb-atant’s initiative falls between the two
‘''‘t'‘'F'‘'«
aafe named .-ltimineezejepwdeclared himself gs-ad ts‘-the her-:s-=fiffthe_§!BTtianeye’=Htrjjb'e. Tlieyihate him.
- - r._ ..
' "
'.
-4-
.1.-.
_
1.
_u...-
'-._r
.P
.
.,
r -.
r
_ ..
_'L
_.j__ ‘P
I--_
1&-
__-I‘ — .r"""i’ -
.-.'
-I

3..
9‘
‘4 *4
._ -“tine
.. -1." _
geyser cards that character takes eae peints ef
beiling mud damage that reund. Dnce ene ef
the fighters dies er gives up the fight is ever. If
J any ether characters try te interfere, the entire
"herc tribe [35 standard hercs} will jein in te
step them.
lf the here defeats Dmaguna, the hercs will
tell them the Epigrams were given ever te a
ceuncfl ef hermits representing several ef the
“tribes ef the peninsula. This ceu ncil is charged
with the caretaking ef the temb ef Clerb the
Predigieus. The hercs will then feed the heap
and tell them hew te find Clerb's temb, wh.ich
is twe days walk away. If asked exactly what
the epigrams are, the hercs say they have ne
idea, since the items were in a l.‘IG}t last time
anyene saw them.
lf Ctrrtaguna kills the here anether here may
challenge him. The enly ether way te get the
hercs te talk about the Epigraphs is with a
successful Fersuasien rell at -4 and a sizable
Before Clerb the F*redigieus«__:ame areund. Elurbls Wang was known as the ‘(eye Penisula.
_ at
5. 3" .-
‘ semething in his ear. "D11 yeah. we whe
l
bribe ef seme sert {a weird device er a few
reeks}.
Clerb‘s Ceuneil
-iI|I.I_n.uj-I-__lIIII_n1H|I|..
r"*.fter fnllnwing the Llirectit:-ns given tn
1 ynu liy the flt:-res ef the lirc:w|'L l-'.y1.'.‘, yeu
find yeuI'selves in a Lleep niuddy valley
I spnnkily illurniriated by strange cert‘u‘ni1.‘.
lanterns en spiraling pr:-les_ in the center ef
the valley a biivzarre etitgntnvtli nf stt:-ne and
mud and vvl‘1at leIek.‘.-'- like teeth glares at
ye-Lt like the eI‘Ltrance tn a tnrnb, which is
1 fine since that's what it appears tn he. llii.-‘
f n‘1nulh nf the lIt}:|Ttl"| entrance is sl*rapu;‘Ll like a
l c.nverlappi11
niassive vertical rne:ut'h bristling with
i Inf seenetliing, but I'm net saying
g teetl'I. it kind nf rernin Lls _t'»n1.J
wliat
l*recaI_:se there are kids a:‘eL:nd_
The ent'it‘t-.' thing is hanging with varieus
t‘lt.’.'t_'t'.':|I";‘tlIlt‘.It'l'.-S and ciffe1E1gs.FT"t ‘;it.:l.ll|_‘IH.°t-|i.:l_i
!_ vvt‘r1‘1‘tjull'ft'Ig frnI‘n the ft:-rv.-'s_‘|r:.‘l face hultls it E
' bitchin’ ste-ne basket. :1 welcnrne I'nat
lc:LJu_ll_'.,: }~.-1-nclaiins, "t'_lr..1 It way." 3
The heap are free te esplere the temb
entrance as much as they want {yeu can even
shew them the picture]. Ne matter what they
de there’s ne way fer them te get inside. With
a successful hietice rell semeene might netice
that seine ef the efferings are mere recent than
ethers, indicating a centinuing cycle ef
denatiens. Llnder the welceme mat is a flat
metal geng and a padded striker.
If the geng is struck, er if the heap wait
areund until merning. feur strange eld
geezers {ene creach, ene herc, ene
cremefillian, and ene werm] shew up, sert ef
emerging all mysterieusly frern the
mist. Read this:
surreunding
1-an ..I--t.-....-In-.-.H-«_u
' Fnur strange eld gee;-:ers sert ef emerge
l all mysterieusly frem the surreunding
mist, apparently eblivieus te yeur
presence. "fits did eur ance.sters and the
l ancesters ef eur ancestersf anceste1's. we
effer eur ebeisance te the temb ef Clerb the
f’nacligieus, greatest ef his line." g1'eans an
ancient ieeking creach, his antennae
E aleng the
l.lt'i."tgg1l"t:.-1']
' Clerb w hese girth dusty greund.
l.l1ECU uraged the
muthas. we abase eurselves befere yeu."
hearses a withered cremetillian. his spengy
, flesh grey and brittle.
‘ ‘“|r"'r’:':* bring unte Clerb gifts and
sundries," preudly anneunces a shriveled
1 werm. his llesh sleughing and eyes white
'
with age, as he piaces a garland ef benes
and beads en ene ef the manvF stene
prejectiens.
"We whe. ummmm... Line?" declares a
dry and crusty herc. as the werm whispers
guard y en 1' t-emb se that enly the wise and
werthy may enter await yeu r call. eh
mighty and girthuleus Clerb."
The herc sets his cane aside and epens a
big bag he had en his back. Remeving feur
felding lawn chairs. he sets them up in
frent ef the temb. The fee r eldsters gee::er
their way inte the chairs. aching. meaning.
and cemplaining all alnng.
' 'WT#WF
At senie peint the heap may decide te make
their presence knewn. ‘.="I."l1en they de, the
creach leans ferward:
”That's what's wreng with kids teday.
1:- —.-P
They get ne semblance ef patience. New that
yeu’ve interrupted eur beauty sleep yeu
might as well tell us what yeu want."
r-—- —-—-
C‘-tnce the heap tell the geezers they want te
get inte the ternb se they can get the Frisekian
Epigraphs, the shriveled werm raises his cane
-—I-— -—u-hr
- te the sky and sheuts, '"‘1"eu’ll have te get past
us first, yeu little whippersnappers. C'lerb's
treasures are enly fer the werthy."
The herc bellews, "Cheese ene ameng yeu
fer each ef feur tasks. Yeu must preve yeur
wisdem, yeur henesty, yeur visien, and yeur
ceurage."
The feur eld geezers centinue te leunge in
their c_hai.rs until the heap declare who will
perferm each task. The heap might decide te
try te fight the eld geesers instead at passing
the tests. if they de they will earn the enmity
ef every tribe en the peninsula.
The Test ef Wisdern
__ __._.__..___
1,- "‘l«"I."l‘ii'i ann‘ii'ig yiiu is iniist it'isi=-T"asks tlie
1 tlecrepit i_'riia.cl1_ "i"'i"l'tei‘1 it-'liii‘liever ef yeti
'- steps fei'wart‘l he ittiiitiiiiit-rs, "hi my ha ml is l
ti tiny bug. "tell me, Hi‘! si1‘1nr|:y I‘-arty, is t'l‘it'
bug alive er is it dead?"
i Enterin
The wisest thing te say is semething aleng
the lines ef "That's up te yeu. Ifl say it is dead
yen will epen yenr hand and shew me it is
alive. Cenversely if I say it is alive yeu will
crush it." When the here answers in this way
{er clese te it}, the ci'each stands slewly and
says "Fellew me.” He leads the here away
frem the temb and inte a narrew cave in the
Cliffside. As the here makes his way inte the
cave he is suddenly gi'abbed by a bunch ef
crazy reels and tendrils that hang in the
darkness. Let the here i'ell seine dice te make
it seem like he had a cheice, but he'll get
captui'ed nenetheless.
The reets held the here very tightly.
Struggling enly makes them cling tighter.
Cliice the here steps struggling, i'ealiziiig he
can't ineve his hands er call fer help, he sees
the ci'each in fi'eiit ef him, helding a leng
stilette in his hands. The creach cemes
ferward, pressing the knife te the here's
threat [er seine ether vital area}. "Clnly
wisdein can save yenr life. "i"eu’ve preven
yenr insight. Tell me, mystic wisenheimer,
when will yen die?"
The cei'rect answer is semething aleng the
lines ef "Ctiie niinnte befere yen.” Pin answer
ef this nature will cause the i'eets te relax and
the creach will put away the knife. ‘”i."eu are
truly wise." he says, handing the here a
smeeth cai'ved stene. "With this stene yeu
may enter.” If the here answers incei'rectly,
the reels will release him and the ci'each will
walk away inte the da1'k cave. ‘"i."eu have
failed. Ceme back when yeu grew a brain.”
The Test ef Henesty
i "l-"I.-‘lie ameng veii speaks inest ti'ne?"l
- The
I .,
'
_ _
crusty herc waggles his cane in yenr .
dii'ectien.
Clnce a here steps ferward the hen: says,
"Remeve yenr clething and fellew me. ‘feur
weapens, yeu will net need them.” The hen:
leads the here inte a nearby cave. The interier
is lit with candles and a bread flat table stands
in the middle ef the reem, a steaming bewl ef
ei'ange fluid in its center. "Sit at the table and
speak net a werd. Drink ef the bewl.”
When the here drinks the fluid he will
immediately begin te feel wee.r.y. Witliiii
secends he will fall uncenscieiis. Wlien he
awakens he will find himself strapped te a
vertical stake. The bends are extremely sti'eng
[nigh unbreakable} and a pile ef tinder and
legs lies at his feet. The herc is standing in
frent ef him with a leng spear pressed te the
here's chest. "Yen may utter ene statement
Ptisghetti the Eqiiigg isgan eld ._15ris'-as at l..ll.Il.illJl't Ercpuliisarid”'a I"-leun ding"
-- '+.-
.‘-, ._
--—
—-I-—
-Ir
... _
-.,,
and ene statement enly te save yenr life. if
yeu lie. yeu will die by flames, if yeu speak
the truth yeu will die by the spear.”
The cerrect answer is "I will -:.iie by Flames”
because it can‘t be true that the here bnth tells
the truth and dies by flames. if the here
answers in this way the herc will lensen his
bends and hand him a smeeth carved stene.
"Wit|'i this stene yeu may enter." If the here
answers incerrectly, the herc will release him
and sa_y, "Yeu have failed, came back when
yeu master ynur wards.”
The Test, ef Ceurage
i :
"Step ierwai'd wheevei' aineng yeti is i
: Cince all Feur stenes are placed in the stene
'. inest brave." greens the shi'iveled
cremefillian.
Wlieii a here steps ferwai'd the creme-
fillians says, "Fellew me, but keep yenr mind
abeut yeu. ‘fen may need it. Leave yenr gear
and weapens behind.” He leads the here
threugh the petrified fei'est fer an heur er se.
He remains silent the entire time, walking
ahead ef the here and answering iie
questiens.
Eventually they will ceme te the tep ef a
very steep Cliffside. The eppesite cliff is at
least a hundred yerts away and a chiii'ning
river ef beiling mud tumbles far belew,
breaking acress jagged recks. "De exactly as I
say! lceinmand yeu te de my bidding. Ask ne
questiens and de net hesitate, er l will hurt
yeu severely. ‘fee must preve yenr ceurage.
]tiinp frerii the cliff and fly te the eppesite
side.”
Elf ceurse, unless the here can fly under her
ewn velitien, jumping frem the cliff is
abselute felly. If she can fly, mere pewer te
hei', t'hat’s great she wins the challenge and
the cremefillian will give her a reund carved
stene with which she can enter the temb.
Hewever, if she can't fly btit iumps anyway,
perhaps thinking seme kind ef magic will
save her, she takes 2dfi+lll peints ef damage
frem the fall and Ede peints ef damage frem
the beiling mud. It will take three rennds ef
swimming te escape the mud, during which
time she takes an additiena] Ede peints ef
damage pe1' reund. If she makes a Swiiruning
rell she can escape in ene reund.
The real test ef cetirage is te stand up te the
ci'emefillian. If the here refuses te iump
despite being beaten with the geezer’s cane
and berated and insulted encllessly, the
ci'emefillian finally smiles at her and hands
her the carved stene. if the here jumps and
survives she will be likewise rewarded. The
ci'emefillian Llien walks silently back te the
temb.
The Test ef Visien
"l.'*i"l1ii ;ii‘rii':-rig _vei_i," asks the wtrrin, "sees
r . . . . l
: with clarity what is lZl'!it.‘t'i.' anti wliat is l"tI'.il'l" i
l Step fiii'vcarLl_”
'.
Wlieii a here steps ferward, a hele
suddenly epens in the greund directly
beneath his feet. He must make a bletice rell at
-2 and an Agility rell at -4 in erder te aveid
. .
3,:
falling inte it. if he falls in, the hele quickly
fills itself in. cevering the here. ”Sheuld have
seen that ceming,” says the werm.
it the here dees net fail in, the werm says,
"That was easy eneugh." He then hands a
'
carved stene tn the here.
if the here fell inte the hele, he is
ternperarity eut ef the game, imprisened by-__.v‘”
the edres belew, but he'll be back later, den't
~"'
werry.
*
the Temb
Clnce t e steries have been handed eut tl'ie__
geeaers depart. Feel free te make up mere
tests fer any add itienai characters if yen want.
basket held by the sculpted werm the vertical‘&_ '-
meuth ef the entrance begins te quiver and
pulsate. It slewly epens, revealing a dark and
ferebeding stairway that leads dewn inte the
Ciith belew.
iLClerb’s Wives
,_... .............._-... ._.._..-......._.__ ._.__
l The winding stairs end in a wide circular
chamber. The air is thick with the cleying --
stencb ef dirt and ineistnre. Three sizabl '
inenncls ef dirt fill the center ef the i'eem,
each with a sign ef seine sert sticking lrein
'- the tep. and each ceverecl with scattered
*1 jewels a rid celcirfiil dried fnngi.. r‘-t massive
intiral cevers the entire curving wall. It
depicts the back view ef a werin, inest
ebvieiisly Clerb the Fretiigimis. epening
his ceat te a writhing herde ef scary ass
miithas. There's a big cii'cLi|ai' deer in the
center ef the back wall.
The three inennds are the graves ef Clerb’s
three wives. The signs each bear the name ef '
ene ef his wives —F'utessa Clerbspeuse,
lvtargarine Clerbspeuse, and Budunga
'_
Clerbspeuse. The gems and varieus efferings .r
en the meunds have a tetal value ef arennd
stititi clams, but taking them ceuid get the
heap in tree ble if anyene finds eut later. if the-'"'
heap decide te dig in the meunds fer seine‘
reasen, they will find the desiccated cerpses '
nf three female werms dressed in animal ,_.i
” '''-~
hides and b-ene jewelry.
The deer dees net have a leck, but it is
blecked with stenes frem the ether side. A
successful Strength rell at -2 will ferce it epen.
B. 'Clerb’s Temb
_ _a_n_n.a.g.
l This circiilai‘ rtiiiiii is pretty i‘icii‘ult'scri}'t|; _ _
Er”'L‘.'ilLlf_‘ frt:-i'i'i a big ini:-uinl iif tlirt in tl'tI£'
‘cent-_ri' tl‘iei‘c's i‘i_-"ally iiiitliiiig iif ii‘iteI'e'sl:.
l’i'ct'ty ai'it'iclii‘i'i.‘.ictic if _t'iii.i ask 1‘1"tl.l'.
This reem was ence Cle rb’s te mb, but it has
'
since been ransacked by the minlens ef -._';"" T
Fusghetti the Squigg, a squiggly mass that
i
lairs in seine nearby subterranean tunnels.
The dirt pile in the center was Clerb’s burial
ineuiid, but it has been dug up and his cerpse;
devetired.
I
There is alse a circular hele in the ceiling. It
is threugh this hele that a character whe
failed the Test ef ‘ifisien has fallen {if anyene
failed}. The character was rend ed
m_ers:st""t—f= _tlie’i-,1u'i||ainic_ _Een's'e'rtium. '
‘Q-""|I-.
-e-'-;
T T I”
.'_. . .
”' J
_i- """
 '
_ . -. _
‘Tits-; Temb ef Clerb the Predigieus
and Lair at Pusghetti the Squigg
uncenscieus during the fall and has since
been captured by the scary ass muthas frem
:nI-|' area D, whe gave him ever te the edres in
.“."‘-J-%$&1‘ea C. The heap may find an ebject dreppeci
by the missing character sentewhere in this
reem.
A thereugh esaminatien ef the ream will
reveal a dirt pile against the far wall. If this
pile is retrieved a shert and narrew tunnel is
unceverecl- The tunnel, which is enl y a yert er
se high an-d twice as wide {nermal size and
larger characters must crawl te pass} leads
inte the stene ef the C.‘rit|1 fer several theusand
‘...yeI'ts {abeut a mile}, winding and leaping
back en itself several times in the precess.
This tunnel was dug by F'usghetti‘s miniens
se they ceul-d get at the treasures cencealed in
the temb.
After a big yert er se [a mile] the tunnel
widens and heightens a bit, se tall characters
ne lenger need te steep er crawl. tt centinues
en this way fer a few hundreds ntere yerts
befere finally epening inte a large demed
chamber ef natural stene.
C. fldres
Eight Ddres lair in this reem, all miniens ef
Fusghetti. They will imnteciiately attaclc
anyene whe enters. The reem is pretty
+126 The geezers en Elerbls Eeuncil l-;n_e-in all about Pbsghettl. They den-i‘1: mind sending ternb raiders Te their dea_tl'_Iis..
_.-I
-#
lWlll'll’’‘"‘ ~92
_. "re.-
I
If ‘._
fl " -'
.l
:
.
4;}... _ -,5-. if
I -
. H‘
nendescript, aside from serne terches, a few
benes, and seine piles ef schneeble furs the
edres use as beds. Uh, and that disgusting
meund ef dead bedies stacked in the center ef
the fleer. A passage leads te reem D, frem
which the seund ef dripping water can be
heard.
If a character failed the Test ef ‘ifisien
earlier, he will be feund in t'his reem,
uncenscieus but etherwise unharmed, beund
and gagged in the meund ef bedies.
Cltllerwise, the bedies in the meund are just a
bunch ef the edres’ past victims. They have
nething ef value.
fldres [3]{pg 31}: The edres are all armed
with varieus weapens [be creative] that inflict
Str+2.
A thereugh search ef the reem will reveal a
small weeden chest behind cine ef the piles ef
furs. The phrase "Frisekian Epigraphs” is
scrawled acress the bee: in blue crayen. It is
unlocked and empty.
I}. The Epigraphs
The passage frem area if is leng and
winding. Ftleng the way t'he heap can hear
seunds ef dripping water that pregressively
get leuder as they preceed. When they reund
the turn, read this:
.‘.-.a.-_:_ ;_:.-_
1 ]umpin' _lelvis! The passage abruptly
e pens inte a very large, high chamber that
I heuses seine sert effungus jungle. lvlassive .,
I
mushreems and gigantic bleems ef l
brightly celerecl meld fill the cavern frem
wall te wall. The ceiling is several dcuten
f yerts high and riddled with cracks threugh
which brilliant hays cal" sunlight stream. The
l air is thick and humid and the chittering el
unseen beasts mingles with the rushing ef
-_- -I:
_.i"
' ""'tl‘v
'
_
:5.-'-u'..,-u
w‘
‘-1-.
.
-
I-
.-
I'
1
'
.- -';'_"-
.
. !
‘I _
I
I‘
l the many vvaterlalls that cascade aleng the l
walls.
[
The heap may eitplere the chamber
unmelested fer a while. In the center ef the
chamber is a bread flat mushreem. Sitting en
the mushreem is a bizarre, squat little beast
that the heap may recegniae as The Thing
That Might Net Be. The "lTi‘iv1t-iB is helding a
weeden sign that says ”Eess ivienster".
Strange tiles shaped like letters and made ef
sente edd white substance {plastic} are stuck
late the mushreem cap, spelling the phrase:
0
WIN FILE
I WIN HEATHEH TURD
These tiles are the Friselcian Epigraphs. If
the heap try te take them, the TTTlvil‘-lB will
attack, jeined the fellewing reund by three
ethers lurking atep the mushreems. The neise
ef the battle will attract twelve scary ass
muthas whe tess dewn repes and rappel frem
the highest mushreem caps. Pusghetti, a
squiggly mass and bess ef all the ether
mensters lurks en the ceiling, dangling upside
dawn and blending quite well with the
surreunding fungi {bletice at -2 te see it}.
Pusghetti will let his mini-ans wear the heap
dewn bef-are it attacks, allheugh it will hurl
spells at the heap if it can de se unseen. if all
the miniens are killed, Fusghetti will use its
Fly pewer te try te make its escape threugh
t}l‘tE' ef the cracks in the ceiling. The heap have
cine reund te attack Fusghetti as it flies away.
If it makes it eutside, the squiggly mass will
quickly squirm eff the cliff and inte the Big
Drinlc. Eventually Fusghetlzi will meet up with
Lluulen Crepules and the twe ef them will
team up, but that happens later [unless
Pusghetti is killed}.
-
I.--_
‘El
 TITMNB {4][pg S4]: The TTTlvll"~.lEs will
Fight to the death.
Scary ass Ivtuthas {12}[pg B3}: The muth-as
are unarmed, attacking with their bite.
Fusghetti the Squigg {pg 141]: Pusghetti
will use his magic to attack from above.
Scattered across the mushroom caps are the
following items of treasure [it will take a few
hours to collect it all}: sttllltl shiny stones
[clams], four golden statues of Clorb (ltltltl
clams each], five reeks in bottles I{C:reater
Healing x 3, Fly, Stun}, 3tlt} small wooden
statues of Clorb [Ztl clams each}, an
ornamental statue. of a strange little guy [lawn
gnome, Hoomanrace artifact worth .'2t},tltIlt}
clams}, a carve-cl esophagator tooth {weird
device, elongates to stab enemies, as Bolt
power, '12 Pl’ per day}.
To escape the lair the heap can either go
back Hie way they came or climb out through
the ceiling- The area outside is rocky and
overlooks a steep cliff. The crashing yellow
waters of the liig Drink rage off into the
distance.
Same eisenheimers think tlte .auri_culaT"“'Dratle is a degel-rera_t|:ii|e. [litters it|’l_ii-i
1- I-_
What's Next?
A Not So Fond Farewell to Arms
To Ear is l-looman
Tile.
— - --.-—.---.-.-.--—.jTf
This Tale leads the heap
on a wild search for a lost
oracle. As it begins, the heap
are most likely at a loss and
wondering where to go next.
They should already have
the first two pieces of the Frisokian Staff and
probably have no clue how to find the next
two. Ctnce they gather the
Epigraphs and meet with Grabmaster l‘~.lorq in
lvflaankaas, the heap will probably decide to
either go to New Ciorlquar to inform
Dthothoth Eilech of Gorminee’s demise,
escape, or whereabouts, o1' they will go to The
Garden of Smellemental Glee to inform He
Who Smells Far of the same.
If they p1'ovide Dthothoth Blech with proof
of Gorminee’s death, he will give them a clam
as prolnised. Their meeting with He Who
Smells Far may result in different rewards
depending on what they bring with them:
If G-orminee is returned: He Who Smells
Far offe1's each character three reeks of their
choice.
If the Smel'l-o-vision and journal are
returned: They each get ten reeks of their
choice.
At some point they may mention to
someone, perhaps He Who Smells Far or
Daddy Hassafrass, that they are sea1'ching for
the next piece of the Prisokian Staff but have
no clue where to look. Their friend will
suggest they travel to the iituricular Wax
l"~.-“lines to seek the Auricular Ctracle, a strange
being who supposedly knows everything
about everything.
Crossing The Big Drink
The city of Etoop is the launching point for
expeditions into the Auricular Wax l'v‘lines.
There are several ways to get there, but the
most readily available is to take a ship from
Floom or blew Ctorlquar. Tie’ f3eecllaeeger’s Fist
{if it still exists, see page ltlrij is docked in
whichever city is most convenient to the story.
If the Fist has been sunk or its crew killed in an
earlier encounter, replace it with some other
horc price-o-corn vessel.
The horc pirates will take the heap on board
for 5l]tl clams apiece. They will not allow
smelves onboard for any reason, nor will they
allow the heap onboard if they have had a
previous bad experience with them. Disguises
and bribes may be in order.
The Fist, or whatever ship they are on, is
headed for Agog city, which is the closest port
to Doop. From Agog City the heap will have
an eet_ei5err_:-_e deft tare.
¢"$Ffi_l'r"+E'"'s
.‘ -_
a--. '.
' _i_
_ _'.—-
'~._¢I- __; ‘-
to Find another way to the incredibly Huge
lvtonster"" and Deep.
While onboard the ship, have fun with the‘
horcs. lvlaybe they catch on to some disguised
smelves, or someone in the heap pisses off a. - ‘S
‘
a-
horc for some reason, resulting in a big fight
or something. Use your imagination. 1"
-i-
I
Agog City
in Agog City the heap should be able to
hire a ferry or buy a small boat to take them
across the channel to the incredibly Huget I I
lvtonster'"*. Also in Agog City they can drop-_
f-:
off a package for Barrelsmasher Hangnail at
. 'l—
-
The Bar Keep {see t”3reetiegs tflitlt Cin-ttttre...}.
Hangnail is mean and ornery, but he rewards -
them with mugs of fermented smelf blood fort];-,
‘t.-
their trouble. The Ear Keep is a rowdy and ,.._
II
violent place full of seagoing horcs telling tall -.
Prisokian tales and busting each others’ noses.
The heap may notice an elderly horc sitting
at a gaming table telling tales with some other
old gee:-Lers. This is Agreegulous Dangle, a
character of some importance a bit later on
but irrelevant at this point. if the heap get_.
drawn into a game of poker with him they
may notice the elegant wooden tray on whi 12'.-
he places his earnings. Z
‘
The only smelves allowed in ftgog City are
slaves and pets. any other smelf caught on
the streets will be killed and eaten. in fact, a _
squad of twelve nasty horcs wanders the
streets at random searching for escaped slaves
and other smelves to torture. Here they are
now.-.
Thugs {standard horcs, Fighting d1l]][13}_r""','
{pg 1315]: The horcs are armed with clobbering
sticks [Strength +2} and carry big burlap
sacks.
[loop
Dnce the heap get to the mainland they will
.13
have to travel for a day or two before the
incredible bulk of the ivlonstrous Headlands
comes into view. Read this, if you please:
.-—.. ..-—~.
1 lloly Sltuckittg l-'itl 't’ou it-'t‘rI't-‘: tr.:Ilcl tlire
l lnc1'ei_lil‘1ly l--luge l't.-lon_stcr"" vv.-,1s it1crt—.'dil:ily
ltugt-1, but that descripticm hardly does ll;
fustit‘c_ 'l'l*Iis titling isn't just increu_lil.'1ly huge,
it’s hugely incredibly hugely huge, with a
side order of l1L|gt.=nessl it takes up the
l erttirt-‘r horition like sornt: sort of ertorI'I'tc'-115
t mountain rattgv stntl it’-s still a day or two -
lav»-‘sly. l tl‘1ougl'tt _'-,-“our ntorttma tvas huge,
l l."'l.Jl:‘.'”1'l"l+..‘|'5i-l'ltIIil'1ll'I1S~_"!'|l co1'J‘tpartrtl to this place.
ll ,r"'ts you t1'a'v'el on it l‘teco1‘nes obvious that
l you vvt-‘re untlerestilttating its et‘IorIt'tit}’.
l l.-"~."l‘1at you are st-‘ueing istft the lt1cret_‘lll:Ily'
l Huge l‘vlonster”". "t’ou are just seciitg the liflp
r
[of its head! it's a good thing this guy is
i deatl, a siltglt-1 l"tl_"i.tlt'l'I_t.' I."|ttI'.l|l.‘|' from
F
l something this incn-rlibly huge could take
1 outa L‘itl"lill‘lt‘t'llI.
r—w ufi-
Clnce the heap express their amazement
continue reading:
‘ ‘IE " . . . .
-I_F
If‘-
-u-
_-
a.
1&-
 “""""""""""-""""""""""i|'
l’m serinus ahnut this. It's just sn
anianiliglj.-' gt'it'isin’ liuge.-.
.=*'t1‘L_1.-'vi'in.', after‘ annther day nt travel yet: i
can start tn make nut the vagtie tn1'I‘n rat" a
City huilt at the hase til the rnnnsteris .
ennrrnnus ear- Further travel and ynn crime
tn a raggircl rnad nt snrts. It seems tn he
paved in great slahs nl cartila ge. i"i bridge
tn.-‘er a small stream nl rnurky tluid is
-..‘tJI1strLIt‘ted, tn _'vnLIr 'atna:»:e|'ne.-rtt, nut ni
great hean‘Is nt black hair, in tt'tLtt.'l'! the same
1‘nanner, _vnL1 see as ynu get a hit clnser. as
must nl the l'It|ili.lings nl lllnnp.
l:'t‘llt‘.tI.'| appears tn he an lntiustrit:-us place
vvith penple nt all snrts Lining their thang,
attertcling In their t‘.Insiness. and generally
Lining day tn day stuit.
- _ .
. Ii-In-I"‘
Deep has a few places ef interest, including
temples te all the majer religiens et Dith, a
fantastic brethel called The Split l-lair [where
‘fig:-.a_the heap have a package te deliver‘. it l’m net
mistaken}, a bunch ef bars and taverns
catering te the lecal was miners and hair
harvesters, and a wenderful marketplace t'u ll
ef incredibly Huge ivlensterim harvested
items.
Must at the buildings in tewn are
ct:-nstructed ef menster hair and pelished
daily with mensterwas te keep a brilliant
sheen. The peeple are generally friendly and
eutgeing, altheugh a palpable rivalry exists
between the was miners and hair harvesters.
If the heap ask anyene abeut the Au ricular
Dracle they are teld nehedy knews exactly
where it is. Witli a successful Streetwise rell
and ‘Ida heurs ef asking areund they are
directed te Eelvia, a tunnel guide whe can
eften be feund at the lecal jeeele Freakian
church, an epulent edifice knewn as The
Clther Cheek.
The Split Hair is a fancy and stylish sert ef
-u
place. The seu n-:.is ef levin’ and drunken
iaughter fill the air and the lighting is meedy
and elegant. The preprieter ef the place, a
smeeth little werm named lvtagnanimeus
Grape {pg Hill}, is cerdial and stick. He lays
dewn a funky track whenever he speaks. se
much se that it's hard te tell what he's saying,
but it's all gcred, dawg.
If the heap deliver unte iviagnanimeus the
"package frem lmseae l-treep. the werm is
grateful and pleased. He knews his place has
a rap. but had ne clue it was se well knewn as
far away as Fleem. He mentiens, after
epening the package and viewing its centents,
that he might have te start serving beeae frem
the Grey lvtatter E-eeaaterium. Fer their
treubles he gives the characters a free reund
of drinks.
if the subject ef The Spawnderesa happens
te came up, l'v'lagnanimeus mentiens that he
used te be married te lytadame Flutterceech
but things went seur after she had an affair
with Eernieedd the Enplumpinated. He hints
that he weuld be extremely grateful if
semeene were able te get them back tegether.
but that's a stery fer anether ti.me.
P‘
‘F
l
,
._
'
F‘
._.
,._._'_
-_
The Either Cheek
If the heap ge in search ef Zelvia they will
find him at The Either Cheek, an epulent and
rhinestene bedecked church ef Jelvis. as the
heap enter the church read this:
.I—-I_!_i—-I-|— —--——i-- a-..-|_n-
l t"r'eiv.-', what an estentatiuns place. The
i decer just screams. "Pay attentien te me!
i ivly religien is wealthier than yeur
1 religienl" Gleaming rhinestenes bede.cl~:
surface and a massive painting el
[every Fete, tastefully dnne en a canvas el
i leeale
black velvet twe deaen verls
- hi isrh, aderns
5 the altar. tlevering in the air a few yerts in
lrent el the altar is a tiny little creach.
,- praying selliy in himself. lie wears a
i_ brilliant white vest and an
pempadeur wig. '"‘t’ealt verily I say unte
yen. what gives?"
Zelvie [pg ‘I421 dees indeed claim te knew
the lecatien ef the auricular Clracle. l--Ie was
en a missienary espeditien a few years age.
trying te cenvert the members ef The Danged.
a strange cult ef rnucesite miners whe dwell
in the deepest reaches ef the auricular Was:
lvtines. The espeditien met with disaster, as
mest ef the missienaries were frightened eff
er killed by evil spirits befere they even feund
The Dangecl, but Kelvin did stumble up-an the
tltracle during the turmeii. He's afraid tn ge
back in search ef it again, but he can be
persuaded with a sizable centributien te the
church {at least 'll.l,litltl clams) er a Persuasien
rell by semeene with the leeele Freak Edge.
Zelvie says the way is tee cempticated te
draw a map. {Since they cenvince him te guide
them, and they are all previsiened and ready
te ge. Zelvia leads them inte the mines.
L.
The Aurieular Wax Nlines
Zelvia estimates the trip wiil take them
three days each way. He is Friendly, it a bit
trepidatieus, but censtantly preaches en
abeut the glery et Jelvis and the mystic
qualities ef jelly denuts and blue stained
shees and making beer frem reeks and se
terth. As they make their way inte the mines,
read this:
.
I. 'l. .'
Elk, this is snrt nt ‘i.'v'l.‘.'il'Ll. "llnu are nnw
_
I- making yntn‘ way in tn the ear canal til the
.
-
lI1t'1'edihly lluge l'~.lnnster'-"'. the grnund is ,
spnngy yet tirni. The walls cur‘ve tipwa rtls
tnr hLn1Llretls nt ynrts, taller than any
-'
htiiltlitig in lllnnp by .1 thcttir cit’ tvvelve
1._. ,_ _-_ _ |_
u_'
[p1'esLn1'mhly]. Cnuntless tunnels l'irani.‘h in
ctiuntless din.-'i.'tinns, snrne nhvinusly
t".'«iIi.,.'t.lt'ii-t-‘L‘l by the l‘it|rn.l1'ei.is nt was Iiiiners
that meander ahnut the mines, and nthers
apparentlj.-' the 'n'nrk cit snrne ennrnintis
I
Fit‘1t'e‘I!-it te.
i“ttter vvalking tnr what seems like hnurs l
thrnugh the ennrninus main t=L1n:nel, Kelt-'i'.r_ ‘I
i tlirec ts ynu intn a riat'1't:-vcer sulitunnel and
_
trnrn there intn narrtnver tunnels still.
glhere are nn miners in this area, and ynu
sense ynu are descending ever deeper intn
the tai.'e ell the l11t'1‘edit‘.Ily l- Inge l"~.'lnnsi'e|""‘.
,I i"tt'ter a let v rnnre l'it:-urs, It-It-'ia
ar1ntn.JI1ces it is time tn rest. "i"nu find
1 ynLn‘sel'ves in .1 hrnatl netwnrl-:. nl passagt-“s,
veritahly cling ieti with gnney wa?~.'- "'l'l'Iis is
the last L'tii11llj.' place tnr a while, I suggest
we catch a snnn;»:e here and get a trust‘: start
nn the tnnrrnvr . ”
' TFTFi*T’ '
_%
"-1-Hui‘
'4-‘I -I T-—'
-'———"'-1 I- J
-I-H’
immense I
-
'|-5?‘-—- —
as they sleep, the heap are attacked by a
herd ef hair bares. These hair bares have
actually been placed in the tunnels by The
Danged in an attempt te scare eff
interlepers. They are trained te attack
anyene they see. The hair bares chew their
way threugh the waxy cleg in ene ef the
side tunnels and attempt te catch the heap
asleep.
Hair Bares {12}{pg titi}: The hair bares
will fight until mere than half are killed, at
which peint the rest will run away.
 F
lair -‘-='..'J'-3|-: -'

The following day the heap continue their

journey. Zelviz fashions torches and candles
I"-rorn the abundant monsterwazit. After a few
hours of walking through an arna:i:ingty
complex networlc of tunnels the heap come
upon a bizarre site:
.—'--'3-I--I J52“. '?I—I‘-I‘

There’s this strange statue thingee in the 5

middle of the tunnel. It looks kind of like a if
werm. limbless and blanl~'.. .=-‘t thin lendril of
black smoke oozes from its head ani.i itsi
blanl~: eyes staI'e into the void. As yoti get _
closer. a shrieldng hiss escapes the statues
y
lipless mciuth. "GET Tl'll'E[i C5L"Ji‘~lE l7l'~?.Clli.-l 5
THIS l"l_.=-‘tC'E." it howls. "THIS PIACE BE 1
Pt |‘|..i’i.Cl7. WI IERE [JWELLS t3RE.=’tT EVIL!
F.[i'|'l.3l?'.."~l l-'f~‘.D."i-’.l WI-lEl"i.-‘CE ‘i’E '-l:t-'i'tl‘h"'ll_f DR J
BE |7CJl'~'.lE‘i-'EFt D.-’ti"‘~it3ED! |E'-L.="i.=‘i.i’3tn.+*i..i*t.i-"t.="t- 1
.i"i..i*i..=-‘t.-'-‘i.l?'.f~': RRR l'~?.t3l l!" ‘
.._g.._.-i__-»..:.._r .__. ._...—._.....—_..- .__—___—__.__._..._—I-

The statue is really just a harmless prop left

here by The Danged to discourage visitors. It
will continue to bowl as long as the heap
remain in its vicinity. The statue itself has no
means with which to harm anyone, but if the
heap stay too long [more than five rounds}
four spirits of the danged will arrive to checlc
things out. These spirits are the restless ghosts
of dead miners. They loolt like translucent
blue werms with bags over their heads. They
are evil and will try to lcill eve1'yone.

Spirits of the flanged {4]i[pg 33]: The spirits

have the following abilities: Bite {Strength +3),
Etherealness. Fear. Fly, Undead.

rigged with a spring to launch itself forward

- _n___jj _j
j

when the lid is opened. That’s not the ! lhe tunnel ceiines to an abrupt end. Zi.=lt'1:r.} ._
gets an air of momentotisness about
insidious part, however. Cln the plank is a ' "
:"i.'leri.'y baby. Dig how the wall is not really
shallow dish filled with a vile and caustic
a wall. it's just a big plug of wa:i;. {litlulu.‘
the
poison. The poison splashes everyone directly
other side is the tJi.'iicle's digs. Mercy baby.
in front of the chest, inflicting 4-:.‘lEi damage on
He pulls a ceremonial pee. nutl:ii.itter, and
anyone who fails a ‘vigor rcilt [Ede with a
5I nanner sandwich from his pact; and
successful roll. The box is otherwise empty
in unches profo LI ndl y.
but for a painting on the inner surface. The T : -u:_--u:__ _ n.n r ___- - . n.-j_-i_- -i_--a_n

image depicts a hooded face with an “'1'” over

each eye. the syrn|:inI of The Elanged. '
matter of minutes. Dnce they are tlirougl;t,__‘_
read this:
"'6' _-

'l'l‘iis apptiars to l*ii-- tin‘: [llI'i_ii.'lir’s l'tIItIII1T,l_l:

and I-".i.-‘l'i'i;i: assuri-s ytiti it is. but the
I
l"iiin'.-'~:.i--if st"i.“:i‘i1s tn l.'?H..‘ n1iss.ii1g- in tin: U1‘tii_'li_‘-I»
ci.-I1ti.-.:t' I
nf this i.'l‘ian1l‘it.-r, t-vlticli is pretty t‘II2‘in—
i.lescript, is Ll sintirt piist nf stiii1‘iI_'.- sitirt. "'l'l‘Ie
£"trt1t'liJ’+'+ lli.-irisii," sl'ati*s Ki-It-‘in. piiiiitiitg at .-
'
the 'n't‘.ii‘.ii.lei‘i piist ti:-ppi.:i.l ivitli a large 'tvai.l
inf i.'i.itttiny fluff, "but i.vl'iei'e is the Urticle?
|"vle1‘i‘y t‘ial:ii.,-___”
_ .:a
--
" _
_...-,_-__-_—q_--i:..._ .
i
r3tfter another hour or so of wandering The heap are free to search the room. A
through yet more tangled tunnels and Traclcing roll reveals various footprints in die
arduous passageways the heap run into yet warty floor. They show at least ten different
another bizarre site. A chest, elegantly crafted individuals. Also imprinted in the waxy floor
and brightly painted stands closed in the is a mark indicating the presence of a small
middle of the passage. Ft small plaque on the Yet more hours pass. Zelviz declares it time round object, about a yort across [this is a__ '—'
lid states: A i:_:ii-'i' rcia oEi'i'i:~ou sio t~'.-tit. The chest is fo1' rest again. The chamber in which dwells cage, which The Dangecl put the Dracle in
loclced with a rather complex fastener the oracle is not far from here, maybe another when they kidnapped him}.
{Locli:picliting -2]. if the locli: is opened the lid couple of hours in the morning. Dutside the chamber the footprints
will immediately spring open, revealing an And so it is, after the heap awalcen and continue down a passage before becoming
insidious trap within. See, a plan}: has been travel for anothei' couple of hours read this: lost in a bony region.

Why are Banged danfled?

Thg}:w"erld -fi..___‘
‘pa.-= mflyfbfgfimlfihdw... .--I-E."
 .r 1""

‘W--:. "1
TA Tracking reil at —2 is required te fellew
the feetprints further. They centinue en fer
abeut an heur er se befere the tunnel ends at
three deers, carved ef bene and painted with
sinister "}t"s. ."-'t lever is set inte the greund in
_ '&'frent ef the center deer.
it-' the lever is pulled a huge stene weight
will drep hem the ceiling, smashing the
persen whe pulled the lever and inflicting Sdfi
peints ef damage. an agility rell at -2 means
the here escaped unscathed.
The three deers are all barred frem the
ether side and have a Teughness ef '12. All
three lead te the same place —a tunnel that
leads further inte the Quarry ef the Danged.
‘we edres. members ef The Danged are
lurking en the ether side at the deers. They
will try te smash anyene whe breaks threugh.
sculpted fertificatiens ef war: and bene. As part is mes tly fluff anyway, se I'll trust yen te
fldres {2}[pg B1}: The edres wear masks
seen as the heap enter t'he area they are de semething ceel aleng the way.
ever their he-ads and are armed with shevels
attacked. C‘-‘ne ef them is an eefe dementalist. Dltce the heap reach Scab, the 1'eving
__ {Strength +3}. {line has a big glass bettle that
caravan city built atep the backs ef three
‘Is _ntains three wankers. He will smash it if the
The flanged {]"_~}}[]B standard werms, 4 enermeus giant slegs, they can start asking
battle is geing against them. releasing the
standard beduls, 2 standard eefes, 3 areund. Nebedy knews abeut the Dracle, but
centanimants within. The ether edre has a big
standard creachesjlpg 136]: The Danged all they can peint the heap in the directien ef
metal key en a chain areund his neck. Beth
have Fighting dill], wear scab armer Scab's enly armerer. The armerer, a
wear armer made ef scabs (Teughness +2}.
{Teughness +2}, and are armed with Heemanitarian pile named Dpen 7'' Days a
blewguns {Strength +1} and shevels {Strength Week, tells them yes indeed he did have The
Centanimant, Wan ker {4}|‘_pg vs}: The wan-
+2}. The blewgun darts are peisened. Anyene Ctracle, but it was stelen by a bunch ef
kers will aid the edres by thewing gebs ef gee
hit by ene must make a ‘v"iger rel] er suffer a greethee beids befere he ceuld make use ef it.
at the heap.
cumulative -1 te all traits fer ene heur]. If any "That was just a ceuple ef days age, he says,"
trait is reduced te B the here clies. "I bet yen ceuld catch up te them if yeu
The wide tunnel leads te a bread chamber
hurry."
and a huge deer made at bene and scabs
Dementalist {standard eefeflpg 136}: The The greethe beids have been wandering
*fTeughness le). Twenty et The Banged are
dementalist wears scab armer {Teuglmess +2} the plains ef Tersevania fer a few menths
hiding in this area waiting te ambush the
and has the fellewing attributes: Delnentalisni pillaging caravans and harassing scab
heap. They all have medium cever due te
d1B, 15 PF’, lvlind Readin', Belt {psychic ferce}, harvesters. They stele the cage centaining the
and Blast {sphere ef slapping hands}. Pturicular Ciracle frem Cipen 3'' Days a Week
feur days age. Since then, they sert ef felt bad
Cince half ef The Dangecl are defeated the abeut what they were deing se they went te
rest will begin te sheut questiens te the heap, The Bewls ef the Ditli te have their sins
trying te figure eut why they are here. If the fergiven.
heap say they are enly leeking fer the As luck weuld have it, the heap den't have
Fturicular Dracle, The Danged will call a truce te ge in search ef the beids. The greethees
and explain they traded him te seme attack them a clay er twe after the heap leave
peddlemeisters frem Scab fer a bunch ef Scab. The beids are in full bandit mecle, se
armer, serry abeut the misunderstanding, run they'll try te steal everything the heap have
aleng new. They will allew the heap te leave, and make a run fer it. They use nen-lethal
but enly if they premise net te tell anybedy tactics at first, but will use lethal ferce if the
what they've seen here. heap fight back.
The edre's key fits the gigantic deer, but
several dezen mere ef The Danged are en the Greethee Beids [12}{pg BID]: The beids
ether side. Nebedy whe passes threugh will attack frem the air fer three reunds, drepping
be spared. sharpened scabs [Strength +2}. When they run
eut ef scabs they'll sweep dewn and fight
with beaks and clubs [Strength +2}. Cine ef
Seab
them is a Hecus Feker with Hecus Peking
Getting te scab might be a preblem. Zelviz
cl1B, 15 FF, and the Belt, Blast, and Smite
{if he still lives} wants nethirig te de with the
Fewers.
place. The best way te get there is te travel
threugh the Fellicular Maze and enward te
if the heap manage te capture a beid and
Tersevania. It's a leng and ardueus jenrney,
ask it abeut the Auricular Gracie, the beid
fraught with dangereus mensters and
tells them the epa1'ch ef the Bewls ef the Dith
blinding dandruff sterms, but te be henest we
has it.
a1'e running eut ef space in the beek and this

The Bewls ef the Dith

l_t‘t erder te get te the Bewls ef the Diih the
heap must travel the length ef Tersevania,
rappel the aweseme canyen ef the Crack ef
Deem {perhaps getting in a fight with the hair
bares that leunge near the precipice]. enter the
interier ef the incredibly Huge ivlenster'“‘, and
ask fer directiens frem the little werm at the
inferniatien teeth. The entire jeurney sheuld
take several unwheleseme and rather
unpleasant clays.
After wandering the varieus pipes and
tunnels ef the interier the heap will eventually
hear seunds ef chanting and rumbling frein
up ahead:
...-. _____-_._ — an.
lley, tl1e1‘t'."s a rurnhling 1-it1l.II‘ILl and ll
think seine chanting t‘.ttn'ting frem the
tunnels up ahead. It lt‘.tLtLl crashing ensues,
fnllewecl by sheuts ei "Entrike!" fits yeuj
appniacli, yt.'rLt i:n|1‘ae up l"-eliincl a meh ef
varieus peeple, all clressed in white rt‘:-bes. l
I hercish menumeni. This ene is just a hu
Eli. hmlul with a huge pnrnp'adt.'-rur haircut is
1 telling a stunt.-r dewn a ptilisltetl flnnr,
crasl'Iing it inte varinus idtttls at the
tttherj‘
end. it
______-l
.._p._.__»..njm
A
%"lci? heap have mest likely been te Ageg
befere, but if they haven't it's ne big cleaL' ,1,-'. I
Accerding te the rituricular Clracle, the '-__ _r
Frisekian Shield is in the pessessien ef a_'. —‘
drunken and elderly herc whe can be feuncl --
by turning left at the Wandering Sleg. The ..r' '
Wanciering Sleg, the heap discever with any
Streetwise rell er a few heurs ef wandering, is
a crude statue that depicts a giant sleg
_.,:n.n._nja
l deveuring a family ef smelves. Turning left at
the statue can lead the heap in a number efi
l
direciiens depending en their appreach, but
the mest ebvieus path leads dewn an alley
and inte a plaza. Walking in a straight line
dewn the alley will take them te a secencl
'
cube ef stene smeared with the remains ef al
bunch ef dead smelves. Access the plaza is a
bar called The Bed Smelf. As the heap leek-
en, an elderly herc stumbles his way inte the
bar, sleshing greg frem his mug and carrying

The bedul is Eparch Kingpenance l-Iepcifer, a rectangular weeden shield.

a Jeezle Freak hely reller. If asked abeut the
Clracle he gladly velunteers that it is in his
pessessien and he is heping te return it te the The fled Smelf
War. lvlines as seen as pessilale. He will gladly As the heap enter The [led Smelf. read this:
hand it ever te the heap if he can be certain
.__n. _.j-.___n. a-i__-_:. : a._n.—.n_ ..n.j

.-"'5. 'tr‘v'li..ll:‘ flight flf slime 1.‘-I:‘.IEtl:4.-‘Ll stairs leads‘

they are free ef sin. Te this end he asks fer
each ef their cenfessiens, then sets up a
number ef idels en the alley te represent each
sin.
Each member ef the heap must rell the
stene dewn the alley te attempt te kneck ever
the idels in place fe1' his particular sins. Fer
each pin kneckecl ever a sin is fergiven. Each
here gets twe attempts. Te bewl, an Agility
check is made. The ameunt by which the rell
is made indicates the number ef pins knecked
ever. If the heap are net fergiven ef all their
sins {I-Iepcifer can tell if they are sincere in
their cenfessiens] it will take a Fersuasien rell
at -4 and a sizable denatien (at least 5,llfl'fl
clams} te get him te relinquish the Dracle.
The Aurieular Draele
The Clracle is a serpentine lump ef earwa:-c.
lt’s ceiled up at the bettem ef a small silver
cage, leeking unwell. A thin stream ef cl reel
E.
l
iI‘1tta a basement cif serts. The l.iieL'l Srrtelf is
prel'l'y tnuch what ene wuultl iinagine Ei
l herc bar in l‘.ie- Ht few inc.‘hc's ttrf sawdust en
l‘~.lew my mind is in need ef seine rest the fit:-er tn sup up the l‘1lt:-cul and spilled
Cur. this whele geesin’ thing was a test heeze, a l’n.1|*tcl't ef thick wt1ei_'len l‘tencl1£.=.'t-3,
Se if yeu den’t mind chipped and stainei_l stene walls, dnirens ef
llrn sure yet: can find snielf heads meunted en wall plaques, and
Yeur way nut and centinue yeur quest a fe'I.v Lltizet1 iI‘1eb:‘ia ted l‘ttlT't.'Fi bashir'tg ea=:.h
ether and sitigitig rude stings. l‘.‘\l~EI'
.+'-'tfter speaking the rhymes the Clracle wiI'u_len.vs, nt:- diners, just a stinky, sticky
quickly falls asleep. Ne ameunt ei predding mass t1fga1ithlit1§:_l, Llritiking, and fighting
er waiting will wake him, altheugh he will sntit gnhlins. I-‘tit enernitnis vat till: greg;
epen ene eye te check if they are still areund if bubbles t:-niinnuslj-.-' hehind the bar,
the heap stay awhile- Regartiless, that’s all dwarfing the hurly l'ra1'te:‘u.leI' whe glares till.“
he'll tell them. 1- yen and pcilishes a ntug with a snet
i cnvered rag.
'
1 ‘ft’:-u spent the elderly ht:-rc with the shield l
Reselutjee sitting at a g-arnbling table with a few ef his 1
If the heap decipher the lirnericks cerrectly I’ churns. l le seems he be using the shield as a
they will either head te ageg in search ef a 1 tray tn liniil his vi.-'iI1I1ittgs.
clrunl-: herc er te Teast in search ef a big fish. -u—u—u- — —_n.a--u- a.I.-—-I.I.——-I-|.I.a_-- mi- n.:——-i.-——-u—- 1—-.u—u----

drips frem the edge ef its meuth and its eyes
are cleucly and distant. The enly thing that
can bring it back te health is te return it te its
lair. Dnce they de, here is what‘ it says:
If yeu ge te the keep ef riigeg
rlind turn left at the Wandering Sleg
The Shield, l aln teld
ls with a sedden and eld
Herc whe gambles and pukes up his greg
in a city named a fter buI'ned bread
is the thing that gees en a guy's head
‘n’eu'll find this last dish
Neat te the big fish
Dn the ene dude whe keeps him net dead
r5ttqttest’se11dyeu may sing with elatien
D1‘ cry eut yeur hr-ain's censternatien
]ust be sure when yeu fi nti theln
‘fee enly cembine them
in a very specific lecatien.
The auricular
What's Next?
The Greg in I‘-tgeg C legs Seggily Near The ‘Eileg
Fat Sushi Ailtlt Ne Cl'1ut'np
lflae Greg 1;t1.- Ageg
@l:-.g,s Seggi.-lgt
Nea:i1lh.e Slag
in this Tale the heap travel
te Ageg te gain a mysterieus
artifact frem a drunken herc.
Fusghetti the Squigg makes
an appearance [unless he's
dead} and everyene gets te
take a bath.
flracle e_n1y§"speaks in Lirnerlcl-:s.._i||'ri'i'-lit
‘u-'
The elderly here is rtgreeguleus Dangle [pg
‘I.’-.5’), a ferrner price—e—cern and current set.
I-ie has ne idea ef the significance ef his shield
and will happily trade it fer anything werth_
'll['I clams er mere and anether centairtet‘ in
which te put his winnings. As seen as the deal
is clene, hewever, a strange and emineus ten
falls upen the bar- as ene the hercs step
drinking and fighting arneng themselves.
Their eyes begin te swirl in a hypne—ring sert
ef way as they all pick up weapens and turn
their attentien tn the heap. They attack en
masse, hacking and fighting until everyene is
dead. if the heap are killed er escape, the
hercs will turn en each ether. See, they are all
being centrelled by F'usghetti the Squigg, whe_
hides invisibly in the rafters. He has been-
tracking the heap fer serne time but lest l'.he:rn
last time they came te ngeg. If all the hercs
are defeated, Pusghetti himself will attack the
heap. His first act being te smash the vat ef
greg, fleeding the entire reetnin
abeut
he l:|'riI7|'|w:i"E."i._’_i:__§':§_""ieel-*tir."g'erne’tl1ir-fg.

— I
U’ I
.1.- r
-an-__ - . -u-
_ . —._‘_
. 5. __-
1- I-_ -_'-__-F _ _ *1
 forts of cheap booze and giving everyone a -2
to all rolls and possible drowning them
{except Fusghetti and anyone else above the
water].
if Fusghetti was killed in a previous
5..g_"encounter, replace l1im with another squiggly
_|-
mass who works for the "v'iIlainic Consortium.
Horcs [2tl}[stanrlarcl horcslfpg 136}: They
are armed with knives and clubs {Str +2}.
Fusghetti the Squigg [pg 14]}: liusghetti
has a chip on his shoulder and really wants to
kill the heap. He lurks on the ceiling, out of
range of any melee weapon without a Reach
"'- at least +2.
if the hero on which Grabmaster Norq is
hiding [in his shrunken state, see page '12:?)
remains submerged for more than three
rounds, hlorq and Mister Filthington will
,_ suddenly appear {at actual size} and attempt
‘flag escape up the stairs and out the doorway.
Dnce outside they will reshrink themselves
and hitch a ride on the heap as they leave the
place.
if the heap manage to make their way out of
the bar they will fin-d a nasty surprise waiting
for them in the plaza outside. It seems
Pusghetti has given a gift to one of his
minions, a horc named Slimevester {standard
horc}. The gift is a magical glove that gives
him the power of Telekinesis ['lt?t,tltlt'.‘r pounds
maximum, range tilt} yorts {'1llt’l”}}. Slime-
"-vester is hiding on the roof of a nearby
building and he'll use his glove to lift the dead
smelf monument, trying to smash the heap
beneath it use damage, Throwing cilti}.
Siimevester can use his glove to make himself
fly as well, which he'll do, smashing the heap
with the monument as they try to escape
through the city. He stays about fat} yorts [stIl")
above ground and yells taunts at them as they
try to avoid getting crushed.
Resolution
Hopefully the heap can find their way
safely out of Agog and continue on their way.
There aren't any ships going from Agog to
Toast, but they can find one going to Floom,
from where they can arrange passage to Toast
{on a missionary ship of ]emima's Witnesses}.
-:.'Wl1s|;'s Next?
Fat Sushi .4‘-t.in’t l"~lo Chump
A Powerful and Enigmatic Secret of the
Universe
_—_:..._j.__.,j
sky is brilliant and blue, and the buildings
,are clean and beautifully ornatnented. N
‘y'ibrant flowers and clear, trickling streams t
wind their way between gleaming pagodas l
H j
Hi, basis it going? Having fun? Gt:-ccl.
This Tale takes the heap to the
__,,y cremefillian city of Toast,
capital of the litingclom of the
Dong. Here they must bargain
with a notorious gangsta for a
powerful artifact, and maybe learn a little
something about honor in the process.
Getting to Toast
The heap may find some other way to
Toast, but the easiest is to catch a ride on a
ship leaving Flooin. The only vessel heading
to Toast in the next few months is the Sea
Sing, a long ship covered in slog pelts and
carrying a crew of ]emima’s Witness
missionaries. lf he still lives, I-later Wig Wig
{page 139} is onboard. His interactions with
the heap depend greatly on the events that
transpired in Curses, ‘Soiled Again!
The crew of the Sea Slug won’t let any
Hoomanitarians onboard for any reason, so
those sorts need to be disguised. ]emima’s
Witnesses can ride for free, while
cremefillians must pay Eilfl clams each and
all others Silt] clams apiece. The vessel is
captained by an ultra religious cremefillian anyway. If asked about a big fish, the heap are
named Cap'n Cupquake [standard creme- pointed in the direction of a few dozen fish
tillian). There are 35 crew members, markets, many of which have a gigantic fish
including Hater Wig Wig. They all spend the sign out front.
entire journey talking about how evil the They may choose to check out a few of these
Hoomanrace was, and they expect the heap fish markets, but nobody seems to have any
to join in the discussion. clue what they are talking about. Eventually,
Any Hoomanrace sympathisers will be however, they will run into an interesting
thrown overboard. Anyone thrown over- situation that may give them a clue:
board will have to float around for a day or
so, maybe clinging to some drifting flotsam
'T'Tt.T,-_~.7iiTf Iiiiiiiféi”s‘{t?TiEi$t?iir"T£iii1Zf,‘ji]iZFi
mirtclittg your own l‘n_1sincss, you are
and fighting off a hungry esophagator or
wil'nI_-ass to it hit of l‘tuoiiganis:11_ A group of
two, before being picked up by a horcish
c1‘ct'|1cfilliat1 thugs is appaI‘t,‘nt'ly reorgan-
pirate vessel [The t3atrelttrmger’s Ffsf, if it still
iicing the 1‘1‘u.u‘1gcring cart of a local ‘
eicists, see page lil-1}. The ho1'cs might be
n1cn.‘l‘1ant, placit1gtl1c"i ¥ 'l_U:'tf:i'l'" t—sl1i1'ts
bribed or intimidated into taking the
tvl'tc'1‘e the filing of the iilt:-ng plusitics y
characters to Toast, but it won't be easy
slmuhl gun and yicc' verso- fits you t.'lt'I!-it‘ in i
[Persuasion -4 or S,fl[lfl clam bribe}.
for a l‘rctte1‘ luuk, one of the tliugs grabs the i
merchant by the shirt anti snnrls in his face, I
Toast "Fat Eruslti nin’t no chomp! We caI11c' tori
The city of Toast is unlike any the heap wl1at’soyv-.=tl ltin1_ l‘~.lc:~;t tiinc it 1.+.-'un't l.‘tt-.‘ just i
have ever seen {unless they're from there, of rntmgering cart we rearrange."
course}. Ctnce they arrive, read this:
[fig-gr
-_n.r—u--1.---1_r ‘#1
:_,.,_,__.._,_,.._.,_,j _j. j_.__.._:__ _.,.,_,___,_,j_
The thugs are goons of Don Sushioka “ Fat
Toast is unlike any city you've ever seen.
Sushi” Twinkugowa [page '13:’). They have
in the shadow of i"~.'lt."tl.l|"tl. Funky, the
been sent to rough up the merchant for failure
surrounding hills are green and lush, the ‘
to pay protection to Fat Sushi. if the heap
question them about Fat Sushi {Big Fish, get
it?}, they will learn he is a powerful holy roller
and owner of the F’-air—o—c1ice casino.
and radiant, painted towers. Cremefillians '-,
in ama:cing abundance roatn the streets. The Pair-o-dice Casino
decked out in colorful duds and E‘I'it.'tllt.' E when the heap enter the Pair—o—dice,
C5 l:' I"l it iTtE_‘ [1 lift l ; Toast’s largest and most popular casino,
-n..--_ _._._ -c_ -_ __ __J brothel, and religious shrine, read this bit of
The cremefillians of Toast are suspicious
boxed text:
of outsiders, but will do business with them
 The Pair-o-dice casino. brothel. and
religious shrine isa huge place. lt’s sort
hulnungous tiled pyramid just behind ofar the:
Dingdoin Hall of Jemitna's Witliesses and a
block down from the F'o.-.' Roitiaiitiiii.
.*5'niywa1.-', as you approach the place you
staI't to get a sense of the power Fat Sushi i
must wield.
It horde of greeters meet you at the -'
eiiti'_1,.rn'ay. A wide banner over the vaulted [
duoI's reads ”l'le|p l‘v'anted.
la-'itlii|i”. fits you approacli the grand l
Lliestibule... n:—u—i_n- ‘aw
If the heap are well groomed and wearing
clothing of snazzy value or better, read this:
I ...the gI'eeters bow low to the ground asl
they lntrrietlly open the doors and politely l
DI usher 'you inside.
‘I.
If they are dirty or dressed like scrubs, read
this instead:
__a huge '[l|I.lI'L-I dressed in fnrrnal silkl
pajamas blncks ynui‘ way. "1 am sorry, Innst
l1nr1oI'able visitors, ynu do not meet thel
eligibility I'1.."i.1l_llI'l.-'I'l'1L?l'll.H tn enter lhisi
estat'1lishInent_ lllease cnrne. back when you ._
have nbtained a bath and snnte cnnlerll
Llt.1Ll.*i.“
t ..I
A suitable bribe [till] clams apiece) might'
get them past the bouncer, but if a fight starts
seven more odres will show up within two
rounds to help evict the heap.
fldres {?'}[pg 3]]: The odres are polite but
forceful. They fight barehanded.
Dnce the heap get inside, read this:
1. 1-3—"'—:-—-3"-""'-3-?-F‘ ?‘';-'''-—1-'--'
‘I.-l.-'liat an alna:-uiig place. It has sort of a I
D. "U-'liat if l-{eister lslancl was a tropical}
l paradise instead of a blasted crap puddle"
l look. Iluge carven statues. real flowers,
[ winding strealns of clear water. and ornate .=
l bridges are everywhere in the centrall
casino area. The interior of the pyramid is
l‘ll‘t"t’Ll
Ea with balconies and arivate rooms ,.
and the ceiling is lighted and painted to’
resemble a sky at sunset. The whole of the L,
place is tastefully illuminated with I
flickering to1'ches, leaving' plenty' of!
-
I sliaduws tor .Illicit
. . . l-
dealings and amorous.
!'‘
trysts. l
n.-n..... -n.a-n.n.n?.j-._ -n?r——u_.u-J-my-I.-_np.n..__n.n.u_q-u.-n.'
The characters a1'e f1'ee to gamble, curse the
l-loomanrace at any of a hundred 1'eligious
sln'ines, or participate in whatever amorous
dealings they prefer. Eventually they might
try to get a meeting with Fat Sushi. If they do,
they are told Fat Sushi only meets with very
high rollers {the heap will have to gamble at
least l{l,lll][l clams to achieve this status} or
people with impo1'tant business proposals. If
they can convince a pit boss they fall into one
of these categories, they will be led tln'ough a
doorway, down a hall, and into a plush
antech amber to await a meeting with the boss.
They will be frisked and asked to give up their
weapons, which will be stored in the weapon
check room to await their return. lf the heap
refuse to give up their weapons they will be
Fat Sushi is the boss
forced to leave {by more odre bouncers it
necessary}. Eventually a minlort opens the
door to Fat Snshl’s office and leads them in.
- - -—~---=-*
r.-*----*--U-*—-'-'---
lllnatetl and grntestiue, Fat Sushi, the
fattest cremefillian yr:-uiye ever seen, sits at l
a marble desk in the most npulent nffire l
in‘1agir1able- Pl. massive painting on the wall l
behind him slvavvs Fat Sushi sl"IakiI'tg hands I
with The llling nf the lllnrtg_ I'll. bunch of
IL
strange little li:»:arLl—lil-te creatures scurry
lltL]ttlt'vt‘ [ about the room, irlingirtg to the walls ani_l
basking nn the man_v potted plants- J"tsiu_le l
-|_-all _ from the ll:-"lr.'II'1..l‘.'~'-,. Fat Sushi appears tn be
alone. l le rrintinns to some pillows laid nut
on the flnnr in front of his desk, "Please
" '5
niake unto junurselves a cnrnftii't'al_*.«le nest-
I-
"
l lis voice is weazty and low, i"s'l_v asst,iu.;iates {
tell me you wnultl like tn have words with
I me." lle le.ans fnrvrarcl and offers a
hand for kissing. I
|'_ri—I'g§;—lat'lt=I*I
-,..u—'l'--u-—u.n.--u.-_n.-.n.-—-u-r - n.u_r--u-—F— -u-n_- -.1;-tr «J
The heap are f1'ee to say whatever they
want to Fat Sushi. If they act in a disrespectful
manner, or threaten him in any way, the
pairttirtg behind him rolls up into the wall,
revealing a bold creme fillian warrior standing
in the alcove beyond. This guy is Ghin Soo
Fluph {page 13?), Fat Sushi’s bodyguard.
I Hopefully Eliirt Soo’s presence will put the
heap in a more respectful mode, but if not he
I
is more than happy to dismember them for the
enjoyment of his boss.
Dbservant heapsters {Notice roll}, may
notice the shiny bowl helmet atop Chili Soo’s
head. This is the Prisokian Helm. It's not
really a helmet; it's the base of a sign, but
nobody knows that.
If the heap ask to purchase or trade for Chin
Soo's helm, Chin Soo looks to his boss. Fat
Sushi asks why they want it. [f they tell him
5-‘ 4- - "'- -'-"fl
what it is, he will offer it to them for llCl[l,lCl|Ell]
clams. If they say anything about helping the
Hoomartitariarts in any way, things will
immediately become very violent. lf the heap
don't have the clams to buy it, the only ether
options are to gamble or steal the clams, try to
steal the helm, or challenge IT.3hin Soo Fluph to
a duel. They could try to hold Fat Sushi as a
hostage, but that would be difficult.
At the first sign of agg1'ession from the
heap, Fat Sushi will press a latch under his
desk, which flips |;l'lI.':" desk over, concealing C-ooaeras [E-ljltpg Bill: The gnoaeras will get
and protecting him beneath itself {Toughness drunk in 'lel4 rounds at which time they will '
12). Small holes in the desk allow Fat Sushi to go into a frenzy and attack without mercy.
cast spells at the heap. At the same time, a
bunch of bottles of booze fall from the ceiling -
Resolution
chandeliers, breaking apart and sending foam
Hopefully the heap can steal or buy the
everywhere. The gooaeras in the room {the helm without having to kill Fat Sushi. If they
lizard guys} will soon lap up the booze and kill him they will have a huge price on their
become drunk, sending them into a rage. Ghin
heads, ensuring a stream of treaty hunters will
Soo Fluph, whom the gooaeras have been
be Following them the rest of their lives.
trained to ignore, will fight to the death.
Dnce they get the helm, they will notice it is
a domed metal block with a Flat bottom and a
Fat Sushi {pg 13?}: Fat Sushi is a ]emima’s small cylindrical hole on top.
Witness holy roller. He casts spells from his
hiding place.
‘What's Next?
Ghin Soo Flnph {pg 13?]: Ghin Soo is a The Greg in Agog Clogs Saggily Near the Slag
total asskicker. Pay attention to his Edges and Pt Fe-werful and Enigmatic Secret of the
such. Llniverse
at a vast criminal empire. h aver. j,&3:__
"In |fF|'re"'d'res. ls‘:-!Isl:t_;g_p_Ft'i't
if sushiagi_||1_t:i:
-.=".. |_-,1‘
 ._.-¥-:-J''T.'.7.'--.''
1_ . ..

.-.‘l-'7"

Twe Maps ef
Keister Island
ene is rnestly blank
and ene shews the
leeatiens ef
the atra age
statues
The Garden
A I
”' -~ at lirwelterre-*-‘tal
.
..'''I:

Fleen-I
1l'E

helm” en the ether The Grey Matter Eeeaateriurn

and the epigraphs If the heap ge te the Grey Matter
spelling the phrase Beeaaterium in search ef lmzeze Hreep, they
"HELF-‘ WANTED will find him sitting alene at a table near the
INQUIRE l="».’l'l"H[l‘-l" back ef the place. Unce they meet him, read
acress the surface ef this {medify the test if they did net deliver all
the "shield”, the the paclsages}:
thing can be put te
_ k-\.f'\.'q_|-j.p.—I_.-I_I.a.q_
.'I.I'I.i_*

"|f_.reetn1gs U|tl‘1 c1‘e£ItuI‘es, please hav-_-- 4']

-' P P

use. See, when its seat. "t’r.‘Ju lmve earned the gratitude [if the
placed in a very lLle111L*I1tieI1al l:ll5t'.'.f.I|lIt.-‘EillL‘LI!-i, and fer that
This is the final Tale in the specific lecatien en ltieister Island {which yuu are rewartletl thuslyf’ lI'1't.'-E«l_‘.tE"'.tllI waves
heap’s quest te find the will be determined in this Tale) it will cause his l'I€Il!'ll.l.!-i- a bit nncl at l'1L1:ncl‘1 ef vvut.'u_let1
Primerdial Seup Kitchen. It the statues ef Keister lsland te reveal their l:t‘.Il¢'.t.-‘I"tE:' fleet gently tn the l.'&tl'|lL‘. "'l'l‘1es-_-r are l
sheuld be played ence they true nature —that ef the true staff ef the gm:-d fer :1 free meal at any |E]1'ey l'I.-'li.‘tl“l:L'I"l
y .' ' have gathered all the pieces te Frimerdial Seup Kitchen [the ceelcs and lnt.‘ntitn1- '-NI.-r :'|tn.~.' have fraiicliises in Neva’ l
the i“riselc.ian Staff. Accerding te the limericlss waiters and such, see page 142}. Ucrr1c]I.Iar, 'l'u.1st, r't.gt1gCity,aI1d l"+'l&'1.'-Jt‘Ilf..'L'It‘tEi-
]
ef the Auric ular Dracle, the Priselsian Staff can .*"'m_vwnj.-', Liuulnn Crepules has suI11I11eneLl ]
’ " enly be assembled in a specific lecatien. This a l‘1n1‘u.le nf cm1tai1i|11at1ts atnl trlslu.-ad then‘: 5:
1!. Net Se fend Return [e Arms
'1 net actually true; they can assemble it Clnce the heap have all the pieces, witli the n1apping'; tilt the statues uf l'-ieistitr
‘anywhere, but its magic is enly effective in whether they've assembled them er net, Island. The [Iliscntesticus weuld he must -an-—.I—
{me particular spet. Clnce the heap cellect all Gralnnaster Nerq will malse his meve. 1! —hul't, what'stl1at?"
the pieces, they will mest likely return te Unless a here actually helds ente each Suddenly the frunt deer is s1nasher.l .
Fleem, perhaps te Ineet with lmzeze I-Ireep at piece with his ewn hands, l"~.lerq will be illvt-'a:'cl and a l‘tn1Tifyingly disgusting Inass
the Grey lv’latter Heezaterium te accept their able te steal them. The heap will awaken nf warts and flesh a‘n1n.l fist pnunds its v~.-'.1_' -r—-.-n—-—I-
reward fer delivering his packages, er Inaybe
-—.-
ene day te discever all the pieces are I intn the reern, tfllltw-.=ecl clnscly by its uglier
te shew Daddy l-lassafras what they feund. missing. in their place is a strange metal twin.
-I—-.-

"Regardless ef where they cheese te ge, here's J

device. This is the Disenlargificater [see
'III.|uI— '1-'III"I|lIr —|-I—‘uIuI- '-II"-II--' "III.-W

a bit ef infe abeut the f’riselc.ian Staff befere page 142}. lHle1'-.2] felt bad fer screwing the Twe bad ass centanimants, sent by Uuulnn,
._'.~':‘we centinue. heap se he left them a gift. He is newhere te have smashed their way inside. They were
* be seen, having made a clean getaway, but instructed te kill everyene, starting wiH1 the
. 3"‘
T-EIE Pflfiflkiflfl Staff: ]_l'lE F['lS|Cl'l:'i.lElI"t heap. lrnaese will help fight, but all ef the
' J
.. net a staff at all, it's a sign. When all the pieces fg.[5[_PI'int5_ 1|; 5:31-_e5; ether eefes and patrens in the place will flee.
_._g: ”
_' '.are assembled cer1'ectly, with the "staf
--""* ;attac‘hed te the “shield” en ene side and the
l “ll” ll“ l“‘_"ll““' l" 5“”""" 5‘M"m‘L """"l" Centanimant, Bad Ass {2}{pg '.?'El]: The I:-a-:.t
asses are relentless killing machines.
 1 E4‘-'-IT‘-"l-:"'r
Make sure lrrtsoao gets hit at least once
during the fight. He should be alive but badly
hurt. When the fight ends he will reach into
his pocket and hand the heap a small ovoid
object. "This is the Primordial Soup Kitchen,”
he tells them, “Guard it well: it was given to
you by a dieing alien. ...use|ess without the
staff" He then er-ipires of bad ass inflicted
pestilence.
What Uuulon Is Up To
Uuulon has receive-:.l the pieces of the
i’risokiart Staff from Grabmaster Hort} [unless
the heap managed to prevent their theft} and
has summoned a bunch of contanimartts to
help him chart the statues of lteister Island.
He has four different groups searching the
island. Each group consists of one bad ass, one
bruiser, one mensch, two wankers, and four
wusses [see pages F3-Til for stats}. Lluulc-n
himself is traveling with one of these groups,
in the company of Uuuly Creputhrall. lf
iiusghetti the Squigg still lives he is also
traveling with Lluulon.
Unless the heap assembled the staff before
hlorq stole it, Lluulon has not yet assembled it.
He does not yet realize its significance, only
that it is somehow important.
It will take Lluulon and his minions
4tl+'ld.Tl{l days to chart the location of all the
statues. During that time the heap have a few
options. They could try to find and follow
Uuulon or a group of his minions in hopes the
bad guys will lead them where they want to
go. They could try to find Uuulon an-:.i steal
the Frisokian Staff back from him. They could
try to map the island themselves, which will
take a very long lime, or they could ask
Gorrninee the Goosed {if he still lives} for
help, remembering he once tried to chart the
island himself.
If they go after Uuulon or his minions they
will find him in Edit} days by asking aroun-:.l at
various villages and such. If they try to chart
the island themselves it will take ‘t2t.l+.’.1d2ll
days [unless they split up, but either way
Uuulon will finish first}. lfflorminee still lives
for if they can convince He Wlto Smells Far to
give them G-:irminee’s personal possessions}
he will show them the map he made a while
ago. The heap may be able to convince
i—loomanitarian church, the ]emima’s
Witnesses, or the Dementional Discotesticus
to help, wlticlt will cut down the excursion
time significantly but would also require the
heap to share the spoils of victory.
Gorminee's map shows the location of each
of still statues. The statues are labele-:.l by
number, which each identical pair having the
same number {bet you didn't know there we re
identical pairs, did yet}. The secret location,
the place where the assembled staff must be
placed, is in the point where all the lines cross
over each ether when a line is drawn from one
statue of an identical pair to the other {a hit up
and in the right of the leftmost "I9 on the map}.
If the heap make their own map, or steal maps
from l.Juulon's minions, they may arrive at the
same conclusion.
The Spot, Where It, All Goes Down
rltnyway, they'll eventually come to the
ordained location, whether by following
_Lluulon or mapping the island themselves. _
I
l’|l set the scene. It's pretty unremarkable '
really. There's jttst a wide clearing in the =
E’ boulder scrub with a few squat statues..
l eight actually, circling a small shallow mud 3
l p uchlle.
i
I motion. Under the mud puddle is a small
Unless they already killed tluulon and his
posse, continue reading:
Wltetlir-ei' by coincidence or dramatic
design, Uuulon Crcpulos and his minions
l are lining up on the othet' side of the.
'clearing, glaring at you with menacing‘;
leers. i al'1oiut to pay oil’. its the sign is set in plate‘
I_ _ ‘.-
Lluulons current' horde includes himself,
Pusghetti the Squigg {unless he was killed
previously}, two bad asses, four bruisers, two
mensches, two wankers, and Lluuly
Creputhrall. ritfter a suitable bad guy
monologue, he directs his minions to attack.
Lluulon and Pusghetti sort of hang back and
cast spells, each protected by a bruiser, as
their minions attack the heap. if the battle is
going very badly for the heroes, have
Grabmaster hlorcg and Mister Filthington
show up to help them {along with Gorminee
the Goosed, Fecus Fecus, or Daddy I-iassafras,
if you like}.
Contanirnants [2 bad asses, 4 bruisers, 2
mensches, 2 wankersflpg ?3-W]: The bad
asses and bruisers attack directly, while the
mensches try to rust weapons and the
wankers hurl muck}.
Uuulon Crepulos [pg 141}: Liuulon will
summon more contanimants if the fight is
going badly for him.
Pusghetti the Squigg (pg 141]: Fusghetti
loves hurling Blasts and Stuns.
Lluuly Creputhrall (pg 141]: Lluuly is a
kiiler, smashing with his axe and hurling
rocks with abandon.
-_'| l-'1:-|r'|:'F"F-|'1
Clnce the battle is over, hopefully with
the heap victorious and in possession of the
Prisokian Staff, they are free to set things in
stone pedestal with the same circumference
as Hie base of the Prisokian Staff. When the
staff is correctly assembled and placed on
this stone read this:
HT
.="teiaii‘iiE is what it's aliluabout.
The toll and pain of the past months it?»
nothing happens. :"'tfter a I11iI1LIte or so'
nothing continues to l‘Iappc:'t. 'l'l'ten
sudden l_v, and vvithou t tvaro ing,
srmiething ha p putts. 'l'herc's a thing
n‘Interiali'.-tingin the air right in front of you.
r it app».-r'a1'.'-a to the one of those funky white
lI t'l1efl‘Iats.'l'l1cn'umog1'at‘n says lffilti.
II-
i"t.s you gazre on, the sq_uat statues
surrounding the puddle begin to t'1'tJT'l'll2'1lii:."'.
'l'l1e l'it“iviltlc1't-‘ti forms of set-'t*|'al oofoe
'
E climb froin the rul'rl'1le, cnclt wearing a
1.-vltite coat and a tall ‘white hat. "lli, we're
I here about the jolt," one of lIl'It‘1'1't says,
at the sign- "‘t"'i."l1t‘i’s tlte I'I‘I:‘tt'li.'tgt.'.‘I‘_-."'"
E‘Jll‘ll'il'l;._T
_'t-
--I-I-' -‘H-.r'-nil-tr-I-in-—I-Ir-I---I—-—-ill-I--' —-r-I-'-In-IF '-r'é-- '-|----
Whoever puts on the hat is the new
manager of the Primordial Soup Kitchen.
The oofos will do whatever management
asks of them [see page 142]. Elf course, at
this point the Soup Kitchen is probably still
tiny. The heap may use the disen-
largificator to grow the PSI-1'. back to ltd,
normal size, or they can use it to sh.rink
themselves to gain entry. If Grabmaster is
still around he’ll show them how to use it.
Clver the course of the next few weeks
and months more oofos will show up to
beg employment as the statues of F-Ceister
island crumble into dust.
That’s pretty much the end. The heap are
pretty bad ass about now. See page 142 for
more about what might happen nezst.
THE E—l'HllI'.|

This section lists an assortment of
‘- vital statistics and background inform-
ation about many of the characters
introduced in other s,,ectioos of this
book.
The first page {this one} deals with
archetypical extras of each major
species. If an extra deviates from this
profile, the changes are described in
H that particular character's entry in the
Peeps are listed alphabetically by
first name or title.
E X T RA 3
Bodul {standard}
just a common bod til, it any bodul
‘it __ becalled common.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strength do, Vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts cio, l-'~Cnowledge
~ {Arty} as+2, Shooting do, Stealth do
Charisma: til Pace: o Parry: S
Toughness: S
Hindrances: Any two
Edges: Clever, Proud I-Ieritage, Two more
Gear: Decent clothing, a small weapon
{Strength+ 1}, Sdll] clams.
"Cremefillian {standard}
Your average walking snack cake.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strength do, Vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do,
Knowledge do, Shooting do, Stealth do
Charisma: til Pace: o Parry: S Toughness: s
Edges: Foul Taste, Tweenking,
Spongy Flesh
,”','r" __ ar: Decent clothing, a small weapon
" Z ngth+'l}, Sdltl clams.
,_
}. Croach {standard} ' Charisma: ll Pace: o Parry: S
I’ A typical croach. . Toughness: S
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strength do, Vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do, l-Knowledge do,
Shooting do, Stealth do
Charisma: El Pace: s Parry: o Toughness: s
Edges: Antennae, Crunchy Shell, lvlultiple
.ga
Limbs, G ullet of Steel
Gear: Decent clothing, a small weapon
{Strength+l}, Sd1i] clams.
Horc {standard}
Your run-of-the-mill mean old horc.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts d-ii, Spirit do,
Strength do, Vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do,
Shooting do, Stealth cl-1
Charisma: l} Face: s Parry: o Toughness: s
Edges: outtlticker, Gurgitation, Slimy
Bastard, Tough Ass lvloFo
Gear: Decent clothing, a medium weapon
{Strength+ 2}, Sdltl clams.
3’ F
J:
Dofo {standard}
An emblematic oofo.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts as, Spirit do,
Strength do, “v'igor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do, t-tnowledge
{Any} do, Shooting do, Stealth do
Charisma: ll Pace: o Parry: SToughness: 5
Edges: Big Ass Eyes, Ctddvision,
Starry wisdom
Gear: Decent clothing, a small weapon
lStrengtl-.+‘ll, Sdttl clams,
Pile {standard}
A representative pile.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do, Spirit do,
Strengthdo, vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts as, Stealth do,
Throwing do
Charisma: til Face: to Parry: S Toughness: 5
Edges: Dense dz Chewy, Goo Flinging,
lvlalleable, ourly Fellow
Gear: Crappy clothing, a medium
weapon [Strengt]-1+2), odltl clams-
Smelf {standard}
A classic smelt’,
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strengthdo, Vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do,
Notice do, Stealth do, Tracking do
Charisma:tl I’ace:o
Parry:S Toughness:o
Edges: Nasal Targeting,
Nimble Little Guy, hlosebloating,
Schnoi: to be I-lisckonecl with
Gear: Decent clothing, a small weapon
lStrength+l], odtt} clams.
Tiznit {standard}
'l’heir’s really no such thing as
an average Tisn’t, but here's
one without any special abilities.
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strengthdo, ‘v'igor do
Skills: Fighting da, Guts do;
Notice do, Stealth do, Tracking do
Edges: Hybrid, Dbject of Fascination
I -“l“'.. Gear: Decent clothing, a small weapon
I'i‘I._:
[Strength+l], Sclttl clams.
Worm [standard]
A normal, everyday werm,
Attributes: Agility do, Smarts do,
Spirit do, Strengthdo, ‘vigor do
Skills: Fighting do, Guts do, l"~lotice do,
Stealth do, Tracking do
Charisma: ll Pace: o Parry: oToughness: o
Edges: Burrowing, Coiled Spring,
Low Light vision, Regeneration,
Robbery Skin
Gear: Decent clothing, a medium weapon
[Strength+,’1), Sdl t} clams,
 F
E,-‘-e-:"':‘-+I:.-H -
1
Wild Cards
(unless ulherulae uutedj
Agreeguleus Dangle
[elderly male here}
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts ea, Spirit d'l2,
Strength dill, viger d3
Skills: Fighting d'lll[+'l], Gambling d'l2
Charisma: -1 Pace: ti Parry: STeughness: tr
Hinclrances: Elderly
Edges: Buttkicker, Gurgitatien, Slimy
Bastard, Teugh Ass ivleFe
Gear: Crappy clething, stabbin’ stick [Str +2],
llrisekian Shield
Agreeguleus is an unremarkable eld herc.
A lermer price—e~cern and seldier, has new
just a retired eld set whe spends mest el his
time drinking and gambling in The [led
Smelt. Threugh a twist ef late, and
unheknewnst te him, Agreegulc-us is the
ewner ei the Frisekian Shield, which he uses
as a tray te cellect his gamlaling winnings.
Binky Beebeekisser
{male creach chamberlain and nanny}
Attributes: Agility dtlr, Smarts dill‘, Spirit d'l2, _
Strength dll, 'v"iger dll
Skills: linewledge lpelitics] cl‘! 2,
Fersuasien till]
Charisma: '1 Pace: s Parry: 4 Teughness: Iii
Hindrances: Ciath el service te ‘verniit
Lanuge
Edges: Antennae, Crunchy Shell, Multiple
Limbs, Gullet ei Steel
Gear: F'impin' clething
Binky is the ehamberlairl and nanny ef
Vernix Lanuge, the neeteneusly larval lerd el
Gargle Twice. He is pelite, but persuasive.
Betvcruslier Sailtangler
[male herc pirate and ship captain}
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts dill, Spirit dll,
Strength dl ll, ‘v"iger d'l2
Skills: Beating d1 2, Fighting cl'l2, Guts d'l2,
icnew ledge {sai I ing} d1 2, Sheeting d‘! B,
Threwing dill‘
Charisma: 0 Face: is Parry: 3 Teughness: 3
Hindi-ances: Clverceniident
Edges: Alertness, Berserk, Buttkicker, Gurgit—
atien, Pimp Slap, Slimy Bastard, Steady
Hands, Teugh Ass lvlelie
Gear: Snaeay clething, leather vest [decent
anner, +2 terse}, scimitar [Strength+ 2}, Still
clams.
Bewcrusher is the captain el The
Gavelbanger's Fist, a pirate vessel crewed
entirely by hercs. He is heastlul and arregant,
prene te tell extremely tall tales.
Daddy Hassafrass
{male bedul Heemanitarian hely reller}
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts dill, Spirit dill,
Strength -:.ll':r, ‘v'iger d8
Skills: Fighting dd, Guts d3, Healing dill,
l-lely Relling dill, Netlce dltl
Charisma: 2 Pace: 3 Parry: S Teughness: B
H indrances: Stubbern
Edges: AB {Hely Railing}, Clever, E:-rtra Limb
{arm}, Heemanitarian, lvlultideaztreus, Freud
Fat Sushi Twinkugewa is apparen'tly_'ise
«-..
"T_‘ —- .- .
Agreegulaes flangle
spurts the Priseltian Shield
Pewers [El] PP]: Greater Healing, Healing,
Light
Gear: Decent clething {priestly vestlnents},
Scepter [Strength+2}, Lettuce Cepse Child
{Heernanrace artifact), 'll][l{l clarns.
Daddy I-lassalrass is a Heernanitarian
minister. He leads a small cengregatien in
Fleem, where his pewerlul sermens and kind
ways have earned hint the leve and respect et
his Fleck. Slul:=l:«-ern and preud, Hassafrass
believes everything that happens is Ihe will ef
the Heenianrace. His veice is preud and
funky.
Hassalrass is a rnajer player in the plat te
find the Fri1nerdialS-eup lilitchen. He wants te
use the FSK te bring abeut the return ef the
Heernarlrace.
Den Sushieka "Tat Sushi”
Twinkugewa
{male cremelillian casine ewner}
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts dl2, Spirit d'l2,
Strength dS, "v"iger dS
Skills: Fighting d8, Gainbling d12, I-lely
Relling dill, Netice dlfl
Charisma: '1 Pace: 6 Party: 5 Teughness: ti
Hindtances: Cll:-ese
Edges: All ll-Iely Railing}, Feul Taste,
]emirna’s Witness, Tweenking, Spengy Flesh
Pewers [El] PP]: Elelt {extending list], Fear,
Invisibility, Stun
Gear: Firnpin’ clething, 1[l,[ll]fl clams.
Fat Sushi ewns the Fair-e-dice casine in
Teast. He has his hands in all serts el shady
dealings and illicit activities.
large that he reqI,l,ir'e's
- --
Deerq Snuzzlevveener
{male tien’t chef and restaurateur]
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts dli],
Spirit -:.‘l‘lll, Strength dill, ‘v'iger dill
Skills: Fighting d3, Guts d'lE, Knewledge
(ceekingji dlil, hletice dill, Persuasien d'liI|,
Strengthetwise dill, Threwing cl] 2
Charisma: 2 Pace: a Parry: ti Teughness: S
Hiuclrances: Wide ass {-1 te Agility trait rells)
Edges: Beak [Strength+'l}, E:-ttra Limb
{prehensile tail), Hybrid, ll-lulizitlertterity,
Cibject ei Fascinatien, Tentacles (+2 grapple},
Twe-Fisted, Quickdraw
Gear: Decent elething, crappy armer {leather
apren, +1 terse} a meat cleavers [Strength+2},
Htlfl clams.
Friendly yet gruti, Deerq is the preprieter--.
iiThe Chepping Bleck, a restaurant -and bar in
Fleem_ He clesely guards his secret chili
recipe. l-ie has the head ei a sterk, the rump et
a hippe, twe ectepus arms, and a prehensile
menkey tail.
Beale Gutgebbler
{male here and prissy ham}
Attributes: Agility dB, Smarts dill, Spirit cl12,
Strength d8, ‘v'iger dS
Skills: Fighting cltl (+1 with rapier}, Guts dS,
Ff.n-::-wledge {Theater} cl'l2, F'ersI_1-asien d‘! 2,
Tlirevving dtl
Charisma: 2 Face: it F'arry: ti Teughness: ti
Edges: Charismatic, Gurgltatien, Sticky,
Teugh Ass lv‘leFe, Trademark Weapen
{rapier}
Gear: F’impin' clething, rapier [Strengtl-.+'l },
asserted jewelry [fiililtl clams), 'lll{lll clams {in
gullet}
Eeele is a sneety ham, but a very talented
ene. He must be pampered and flattered
wherever he gees er he threws a hissy fit.
Fecus Fecus
{male werm centanimater}
Attributes: Agility d8, Smarts dill, Spirit dlfl,
Strength dli, ‘v'iger dl."-1
Skills: Centanimating d'L71, Fighting d8,
Gambling d'l 2, Repair d’l2 ._
Charisma: ‘I Pace: ti Parry: Iii Teughness: 9 -'
'
Edges: AB {Centanimater}, Burrc-wing,
Ceiled Spring, Centanimaster, Lew Light
‘v'isien, Regeneratien, Rut-bery Skin
Pewers l3.‘-i PP}: Centanimatien, Belt [caustic
'
gee}, Blast [flaming pee}, Su mmen
Centanimants [Legendary]
Gear: l’impin' clething, Efltlll elarns
As ene ef Flec-m's premier centanimaters
Fecus is a respected and henered figure. He is
the nemesis and rival ef Liuulen Crepules.
Fecus can mest eiten be teuncl gambling with
his buddies at The Chepping tileck.
Ghin See Eluph
{male cremetillian samuricecake}
Attributes: Agility d'l2, Smarts cllll,
Spirit d'l.'3l, Strength d'lE, ‘v'iger cl]?
Skills: Fighting cl'|2{+.’l), Guts d'l2,
hletice dlfi
Charisma: "l Pace: ti Parry: T’ Teughness: S (13)
Hindrances: ‘vew {serve Fat Sushi}
‘twe ' 1 hlrn
traitspgy-,t abeut te-an.
1'' _1.. '
rgkldhggeaflte -
.-‘I-E.
Edges: Arnbideirrrc-us, Danger Sense, Flerentine, Feul Taste, lrnprnvecl First Strike, lrnprcnved
Black, lmprnved D-edge, lrnprcived Sweep, Lucky, Tweenking. Sp-angy Flesh. Quick Draw,
Traclernarlr. Weapnn {Blade uf Stigg-athc-th}
Gear: Pirnpin’ cl-athing [Armcir +3], Bffliii’ cgf Sfiggutlmtfa {Stt +4, +1 Fighting}, Deittrsg uf
Prafectfaii [Arrn-ar +2 tc: all incatinns], Priscilvzian Helm.
Ghin Sue Fluph is the pers-anal hadyguard and enfcircer crf l.'.icrn Sushiciica ” Fat Sushi”
Twinlcugcrwa, a gangsta and casinci nwner in Tciast. He wears the Priscikian Helm, which was
a gift fr-am his master.
Fluph is fiercely lciyal tcr his bass and wciuld never even think nfrefusing an nrcler. Althciugh
he wears the F'ris-alrian Helm, he has nc: idea at its significance or value.

Gurminee the Gcrcisecl

{smelf smellcaster and cibsessed adventurer}
Attributes: Agility d8, Smarts d12, Spirit dE-, Strength dB, "v’igc-r cllfl
Skills: Fighting d3, hlptice d12, Kiiuwledge fsmellements] d12, Persuasic-n
dil], Smelicasting d12
Charisma: 1 Pace: 6 Parry: ti Tuughness: 7"
Hinclrances: Geased {see belcrw}
Edges: Arcane iiaclcgrciund {Smellcasterj, Reel: Repc-sitciry,
Smellementaiist, Nasal Targeting, Nintble Little Guy, l‘~lc:useblc-ating, Schnciz
ll} be Reclccined With
Puwers [till PP}: Armcir, Barrier, Blast, Ec-lt, Ec-c-st I Lciwer Trait, Deflecticin,
Detect I Gcinceal Arcana, Fear, Fly, Greater Healing, Healing, Invisibility,
Light, G-tbscure, Puppet, Quiclcness, Shape Change {Legendary}, Speed,
Sl'un, Telelcinesis, Zcimbie
Gear: Pimpin’ clpthing, Gciggles c-f Stink Sight [allc-w him tcu see in tcitai
darlcness by actually smelling images}, a buttlciad cuf reelcs {Armur, Barrier,
Eic-lt {'3 bcilts, 3dii], Fly (3:2), invisibility [iv:3}, Shape Change [Hercnic 3:2],
Sl'un, Zcimbie}, Sflflfl clams.
Gcirminee is Dl"lE' pf the m ajc-r players in the search fur the Frimcnrdial Sc-rup
P-'Zitchen. See, he used II) he just anc-ther smellcaster frc-m The Garden cif
Smellemental Glee. He had an interest in eicplc:-raticin and travel, but never
really gcrt aruund very much. Glue clay, several years agci, he was eating at
the Grey Matter Bciciaaterium in Flcicim and discussing his travel dreams
with sc-me friends when an c-cifci wcirlcing fcir the Dementic-nal Discc:-testicus
used a weird device tci place a geas upc-n him. Dig, the DD lcncnws all ahcrut
where the Frimcirdial Sc-up l'~'.'.itchen is, but they den’! lcncuw hciw tci assemble
the staff that ciperates it. They plan tci use Gcnrminee tci assemble the staff
then dump him and use the Kitchen fc-r their ciwn desires. Gcirminee has I‘tC|
idea he is under their cpntrc-l, he thinlcs his recent cubsessic-n ccimes frcrm his
ciwn whim. Pc:-cir, tragic figure...
Gral:-master Nerq
{male budul burglar]
Attributes: Agility cl'l2+2, Smarts d'l2,
Spirit d2, Strength cllfl, ‘v‘iger -d'l ll
Skills: Fighting d'l2, Gambling cl'l2,
Knew ledge [Burglary] dl2, Leckpicking di 2,
hkitice cll 2+2, Persuasien d'l2, Repair dl2,
Stealth cll2+2, Threwing cll 2+2
Charisma: 2 Face: ti Parry: ti Teughness: 2'['lll}
H indrance s: Clvercenfident
Edges: Acrebat, Ambidezttrnus, Clever,
impreved llledge, First Strike, Thief,
Twe—Fisted, Quick lflraw
Gear: Eiicliriiiterl lmrgfrifs tiiifflt fr’-'trn'ier +3],
lnckpicks, crewbar, ten threwing blades
{Strength +2, cencealed}, 3 reeks (Greater
Healing, invisibility, Telepert}, The
Dfst:iifrirgfficritrii' [see belew], Bigger Bag
{magic pc-uch with almest infinite sterage
capacity}, 2t}flll clams.
Grabmaster is Glith’s supreme burglar. He
is currently werking under a cemrnissien
freni Uuulen Crepules te steal the pieces uf
the Prisekian Staff frem the heap.
insurance against tieublecressery
Lluulen, Here stele seme prnsthetic arms ef
histerical significance frem the Cheesenasium
in Maankaas, planting evidence that
implicates Lluulen, sheuld he betray
Grabrnaster.
i‘~lerq’s assistant, a centanimatrenic minien
named Mister Filthingten, handles
business dealings.
The Ilisenlargificatrir: This strange fitiffl
artifact, stelen by Grabmaster Herr] leng age,
allcnvs the user te shrink himself and ethers te
an almest micrnscepic size. It leeks seniething
like a jackhammer with a bunch ef funky
lights and wires ceming uff uf it [there's a
picture and mere infermatien en page 142}.
The Prinierdial Seup Kitchen was ence a
victim ef this device, which explains its
current size.
Gristle Sans-ari—arm
{shady male creach}
Attributes: Agility dill, Smarts dlll, Spirit dfl.
Strength dti, ‘v’ignr dti
Skills: Fighting d'll.l', Gambling dl2,
hletice d1 2, liersuasien dl fl, Stealth d'| 2,
Threwing dl2
Charisma: fl Face: ti Parry: T Teughness: 5(8)
Hindrances: Missing Limb {arm}
Edges: Adaptive, Antennae, Crunchy Shell,
llledge, Multiple Limbs, Marksman,
Multideitterity, Gullet nf Steel, Quick Draw
Gear: Decent clething. leather ceat {armer
+2} assertecl threw ing knives {Strength+'l],
2{ll.l clams
Gristle is a gambler, smuggler, beefy
hunter, and all arnund shady sert ef guy.
Guy Geesevemil:
[male cremefillian and terrible acter}
Attributes: Agidlfl, Smarts db, Spirit dti,
Strength db, ‘v'iger dfi
Skills: Fighting db, Knew ledge ('l'heater}
dl ll, Fersuasien d'l2
Charisma: 2 Pace: a Parry: S Teughness: S
flardvelli: Elurrewbrew
As
ferm The Hele in ‘the Head Gang
Hindrances: Bad Luck, Hatred, ‘v'r:-w [see
belew)
Edges: Charismatic, Cult Fnllewing, Fnul
Taste, Tweenking, Spnngy Flesh
Gear: Crappy clething, swerd {Str+2, crappy
his materials), S clams.
After a slew cif bad reviews, Guy has
decided te end his life, but net l:efere fulfilling
a vew uf vengeance against rival ham Eeale
Gutgebbler. Ci-nce a prr:-ud ham, Guy is new
the sad and lenely leader ef a suicide cult.
Hater Wig Wig
{male creniefillian cult leader}
,Al‘l.'ril:rul:Es: Agility tll ll, Smarts tllll,
Spirit d'l2, Strength d8, ‘v'iger d'l2
Skills: Fighting dlll, Guts cl'l2, l-lely Relling
dill, Netice d'l2, Persuasien d ‘l 2+2
Charisma: ‘l Pace: ft Parry: 2' Tciughness: 3 {ill}
Hindrances: ‘Jew {kill all beduls]
Edges: AS {l-lel y Reller], Feul Taste.
Jeniima’s Witness, Tweenlting, Spengy Flesh
Pewers [49 PP]: Armcir, liarrier, Blast, lflelt,
Beest f l,ei.ver'l'rait, Deflectien, Fear, Fly,
Invisibility, Ctbscure. Puppet, Quickness,
Shape Change, Speed, Stun, Telelrjnesis
Gear: l3’inipin' clething {cult leader's rebesl,
Staff ef Clebbering {Str +2, +5 vs beduls},
Deisriig e,FF'retrctitii-i {Armer +2 te all
lecatiens).
Hater is a nasty guy. As the leader ef a
Chucegater cult near Gargle Twice he is
respensible fer several attacks en
Heernanita rian caravans. He hates beduls
with a passien and plets te kill them all-
He whfl Smells Far
{male bedul smellcaster, Abbet ef the Garden
cif Smellemental Glee}
Attributes: Agility as. Smarts d'l2, Spirit the,
Strength dfi, "v’iger d'l2
Skills: Fighting d'l2, Guts dl2, Healing d'lfl,
tcnnwledge {smells} d'l2+2, l'-lcitice cl'l2,
Persuasien d'lll+2, Smellcasting dl2+2
was aric_e"'a Heemanllarlan rninls.r,f,l.Z_-er",
"1-—u
; 11(0),; g
"--:--3;in-r
_|. -__"' .‘ I
Serreeae really needs ‘ls give these guys a -uedgie
Charisma: 2 Face: ti Parry: 2' Teughness: S
Hindrances: Bad Eyes fmajerj, Hard ef
Hearing fmajnrj
Edges: AB {Smellcaster]|, Charismatic, Clever,
Enhanced Senses {smell cinly). Strange,
Freud l-leritage, Reek Reprisiteryfz-el},
Smellementalist
Pewers [El] PP]: Armer, Barrier, Blast, Belt,
Ii‘-nest ,2‘ Lewer Trait, Deflectien, Detect,’
Cenceal Arcana, Fear, Fly, Greater Healing,
Healing, Invisibility, Light, Clbscure, Puppet,
Quickness, Sliape Change, Speed, Stun,
Teleltinesis, Zembie
Gear: l”impin' clething {abbnt’s rcibes and
jewels], Srliiiee Red‘ {Strength+.":‘-, deubles PP
fer Smellcasting wielder), dr:-sens ef reeks
{cine fer each Fewer he knews).
He lA"he Smells Far is the abbet and leader
ef the menks ef the Garden ef Srnellernerilial
Glee. He is kind and stud ir:-us, deveted te his
cause and his per.-ple- Alniest blind and nearly
deaf, I-Ie Whe Smells Far is nevertheless
aware nf all that gees en areund him.
sense ef smell is se sensitive that he can
discern speken wercls just by neticing the
changes in breath stench as the wards are
speken.
The I-lele in the Head Gang
'l'his small gang nf beclul thugs delights in’?
stealing lunch meney frnm the nerdy
wisenheimers at The Place ef Pcindering.
They each wear a gigantic fean-i cewbey hat
with a hale cut threu gh it {except Aardvelk}.
Aarclvcllk Burrevvbrew
{bc-dul gang leader)
Attributes: Agility d'l ll, Smarts dfl,
Spirit d'I ll, Strength dfi, ‘v'iger clti
Skills: Fighting dlll, Guts dti, lntimidatien
i_l'llil,'l"t‘IL1r1tr.2l'l.'-'1
Charisma: "I Face: Ct Parry: T’ Tuughness: T
Hindrances: Funny ineking
Edges: Charismatic, Clever, Cempensating
but he g""iT3,%pi_lt"'up tri't-l:-_e__-triri-re it bully.
s_:°- ._,f
|_-,.'J'
.I-''-_
 . pk

' "" ..dI—I -ll|-—1.-1-l"'$1F'1'-CI-I- '—‘F 1 -.53. —._-'--.1

._|-Q1

Fl-"" Strange, Freud Heritage

- Gear: Snaar.-y clt:-thing, knuckle ring
‘I
Illuz the Geurcl Omaguna Kjkbuti
I [male werm chef and shady character} [badass savage herc}
-— ‘l {Strength+'l}, sperm an a chain necklace {'|flll
i Attributes: Agility dtl, Smarts dltl, Spirit Attributes: Agility die, Smarts tia, Spirit tile,
i clams], BUB clams. dlll, Strength dsi, ‘v'iger dS Strengthl 2, ‘v’iger dill
V SI: Aardvelk, a Squ at and Chubby b-edul with a
_ ' Skills: Fighting d8, tinewletlge {cc-eking}, Skills: Fighting cl'l2[+'l}, Sheeting dltl,
_ {cylindrical hale straight threugh his immense tiersuasien d'lll+,"«1, Stealth dlfl, Tracking d'll.l Threwing c'|'ll.l
g‘ tereheatl, is the bad ass leader ef the gang. He Charisma: ‘l Face: It: Parry: S Teughness: S Charisma: —'l Pace: ti Parry: S Teugbness: H9}
‘ is arregaet, smug, and vie-lent. If he is
._ H ind rances: Small Hindrances: Vengeful
.i_dEIl:'E‘EllZEL‘l the ethers will try te run away. Edges: Surretving, Cniled Spring, Giggity Edges: Gurgitaticm, Sticky, Teugh Ass l‘v'leFn,
sj?’““‘5 Gigger, Lcav Light yisien, ltegeneratien, 'l"rac1emark Weapen {stene hammer}
ltubbery Skin Gear: Funky IT'l-':'lSlC., bone thrtiugti the TIGSE,
5-: }' {female betlul thug} Gear: Crappy clething, relling pin gigantic stene hammer [Strength+4}, stene
: Attributes: Agility clltl, Smarts db, Spirit d3, [Strengt|1+2}, iiiiigfc slitlcs eftlit l‘tl:lt‘lriiig armer {+2}.
__ ‘f Strength dti, "v'iger dS [Str+=’-l}, ESE] clams. Clmaguna is a thuggish herc ef the
'
..=_2 l'.l-(ills: Fighting d'l ll, Guts db, Inti midatictn til’: lllue sells chili in Fleem. He is insanely Brewneye tribe nf Clc:-rb’s Wang. He is the
"
harisma: 2 Pace: 5 Parry: F’ Tc-ughness: F’ ieaiaus ef the superier chili served at The l-ribe’s resident buttkirker ameng buttkickers.
_ ‘Edges: Attractive, Berserk, Clever, Slrange, Chepping Black and will de anything te
__ Freud Heritage learn the secret recipe.
Othetheth Blech
.-l Gear: Snaicay cle-thing, hair lttifllcs
[male werm sinmaster ef Stan}
l {Strength+'l}, hat, bling bling necklace {Ell
' Imzeze Hreep Attributes: Agility cl'l2, Smarts dll,
{male eefe clementalist} Spirit l.l'| 2, Strength dtl, ‘lfiger cl'|."-l
jcmk is the tinting girlfriend e-f Aardvc:-lk
ciwbrnw. In cembat she swings her . Attributes: Agility tilt}, Smarts dlfl, Skills: Fighting dlfi, Guts d'I2, Hely Relling
I Spirit d'l2, Strength dlll, ‘lfignr dltl cll 2, lntimidatien dlil+'l , Kneivletige
-_ " immense dreacllrtcks, festeened with '
‘I,- tishheelcs and chunks ef glass, at her enemies. Skills: l.'.lementalism cl'l,’-1, Fighting clS, [Stanism} rl'lE+,'-I, hititice tliil, Fersuasien
,
‘l Guts dlfl, Fersuasien -:.‘l'l ll, Stealth tltl, d'| 2+1, Stealth d‘l 2+1 , Taunt clll}+‘lll
'1' Charisma: l Face: El Parry: S Charisma: ll Pace: ti Parry: S Teughness: S
""Patten the Head Tnughn ess: ?’['I ll} Hindrances: Blc-edthirsty
:' {male bedul hecus peker, the smart ene]
Hindrances: ‘view {a Grey lvlatter Edges: AB [Hely Heller}, Burrnwing, Ceiled
Agility es, Smarts tile, Spirit as,
J, E Attributes: Brieitaterium in every city!) Spring, First Strike, Great Luck, Hard te Kill,
."'- -"Strength d4, "v'iger d8 Edges: AB [iJementalist}, Big Ass Eyes, Harder in Hill, Lew Light ‘v‘isien, Regener-
_ Skills: Fighting dti, Ht:-cus I’el<ing dl ll Ci-ddvisien, Starry Wistleni atien, Rubbery Skin
I Charisma: fl Pace: ti Parry: S Teughness: E: Fewers [at] PP}: Armer, Belt, Deflectien, Pewers {ea PP}: Armer, Blast, Belt, Fear, Fly,
t Hindrances: ‘view {beat up nerds} Fly, Mintl Reaclin’, Puppet, Stun, Telekinesis Clbscure, Puppet, Zttmbie
_n—
. es: Clever, AB {Hncus Faker}, Strange, Gear: Pirnpin’ clething, ftltlffiftitt’ arliler Gear: Snaeay clcithing, Stttljftzyffilaii
1 Fraud Heritage lfarmrir +3}, Elllfltl clams. [Slrength+2, Br:-lt ‘I'll F'F'}, Stiriirti sf Stall
E Pewers [ll] FF}: Belt, lJeflectien, Stun lnietiee is a member ef the Eleineiitientil [Strength+-'-l, Al’ 3, +2 Fighting}, stnry ri‘S-ti i:-mslr
; Gear: Snaary clr:-thing, sharpened specm tjliscetesticus. I-le is trying te epen a Grey [Fear ltl FF, allews him tn Telepert up te Ell’
'. {Strength+'l}, hat, E-ll clams. Matter Beeicaterium in every city en Clith. away and simultaneeusly Telepert 3:14 scary
1 1, . _ . _ .
Iatten ls scimething ef an enigma ameng ass muthas te his previr:-us lecatien 1 f clay},
I:' _ ‘I
the gang. He is a tetal nerd, but he will never 'llllJtl clams.
_
-" -. admit it. ‘in make hineielf feel better he picks lvtagnanimeus Grape Clthetheth is the high priest {sinmaster} at
it en ether smart penple at every eppertunity. [male werm pimp}
"Ir .
: the sir-i—n—gngue at Stan in New Gerlquar. He's
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts d'lll, Spirit db,
inte all snrts ef vices and can be a really fun
' Strength dfi, Viger cllll
’“_ -Z; unk guy if yeu keep an epen mind. I-le can alse be
Skills: Fighting dfl, Gambling d'l2,
its _ '-male bedul, the big guy} a tetal bastard when he feels like it.
Fersuasien til?
Charisma: 2 Face: ti Parry: ti’: Teughness: ?'
St1'er'lgl:l't -:.l'l2, llfiger dlll
Skills: Fighting dtl, Guts dti, lntirnidatien til ll
I" Edges: Burrr:-wing, Ceiletl Spring, Lew Penultimus Menge
Pace: Parry: F Teughness:
Light visic-n, Pimp Slap, Regeneratien, [male tisn’t sea captain}
i Charisma: ll ti S
Rubbery Skin, Srneeve Attributes: Agility dtlfl, Smarts cllll,
i Hindrances: illiterate
Gear: Pimpin’ clething, car antenna [Str +2, Spirit d '12, Strength dtl, ‘v'iger dltl
Edges: Brawny, Clever, First Strike, Strange,
Heemanrace artifact}, ."£l'.ll;lll clams Skills: Fighting dlfl, Guts dlll, lint:-wledge
' G * Gear: 5I'lE'l,'.-"'_.TE_‘y' clething, spiked club lvlagnanimeus is the ewner ef The Split I:-rcler [sailingl d”l.'31, l“-letice dill, Swimming tllft
1-- a}
l-lair in Deep. l-le is a smeeth talker and Charisma; ll Pace: ti Parry: F’ Teughness: T’
g[Strength+ 2, Al’ +'l }, hat, .715 clams.
Edges: Fish Breath, Hybrid, Clbject ef
is-,,
shrewd businesswerm.
Thunk is a big teugh guy with net teeth.
a| : -l'~a e“.I:al
Faseinatien, Tail [+4 Swimming}
Gear: Sna:-::«:y clething, ferked spear
;- _;' ‘- Weenkle Mister Filthirlgten at
[Strength+.'2, AF 2}, Bill] clams.
'.-_ ''{Inale bedul, the little guy} [centanirnatrenic minienl but
Penultimus is the captain at The Pritle at
-"t -uribtttes: agility tits, Smarts as, Spirit tlti. Attributes: Agility dtl, Smarts -:.'l'| 2,
' - Strength Cbl, vigttr as Spirit dill, Strength '12, ‘v'iger d'll.l
are lvlaankaas, a merchant vessel ewned by the
Clteesemenge-r's Guild. He is a fair and just
‘; Skills: Fighting in 2. Guts as. Stealth cilil Skills: Fighting til 1, Persuasinti d '12 tea
captain, respected by his sellers and feared by
*""' , Charisma: ll Face:ErFarry:S{'|ll} Teughness:? Charisma: Cl Face: ti Parry: S Teughness: S
it-ese pirates. He has the body ef a clelphin, the
-Hindrances: Small Edges: lmpreved Trademark Weapen {Bite}
itty—bitty head at a mnuse, the legs ef a turtle,
I _. Edges: Clever, Strange, Freud Heritage, Tiny Gear: Steel jaws [Strength+-ti, Fighting +2}, yr-ii
the tail ef a manatee, and the arms ef a
_ _" Little Guy, Twe—Fisted twri pincers {Str +2}.
babeen.
_r' lvlister Filthingten handles the meetings trlrkea
and affairs ef master burglar Grabmaster I

2,: _aI., Weenkle is tiny and inttredibly fast. I-le’|l Nerq. Althr-ugh he was built by Lfuul-an -l'-a. Peenestril Pettymenth
‘L. kill yen three times befcire yeti hit the grnund, _ Crepulris, Filthingten is self—wille-:.i and ne Ha [wealthy bedul slavelercl}
lenger under the centanimater’s centre]. Attributes: Agility d'l,'-l, Smarts dill,
f t.'Ei.-“S .”.".“."t"T"“f‘3"_i. —r |. i-a.. |_-

fa. Ftel-lultirnus Mange is ltl-_l_l:iirI-l for his- mystic. i_e,";.a ifelic at the Htlernanrace that blows st:-apy bubbles instead .l:rt.sl1ll:iltE_i
...iI .
' -' ‘star-'. . -I
L.-.
--H' a
Spirit {:11 El, Strength dltl, ‘vtiger dlfl
Charisma: tl Pace: ti Parry: F’ Teughness: ?(9}
Skills: Fighting cllfl, Gambling d'lf‘l, txletice
dt 2, Fersuasien dti, Taunt dttl
Edges:Clever,Strang , Freud Heritage,
Geed Twin, Spit, Leegey l-tawker
Gear: Fimpin‘ clathes, decent armer {+2},
barbed flyswatter at deem {Strength+4], 't2tlt"l
clams
Iteenc-st-ril is a ceu sin at the Ge be-mater ef
Ewg_ l—te lives in the cave fermerly ewned by
Yecephalus Greenspleen, which he is
currently redecerating fsert nf}. l’eenestri|’s
tang geatee reaches the greund and he has
three neses. Remember he has the Geed Twin
Edge, se it he dies he will be replaced by a
much mere helpful versien ef himself.
Pusghetti the Squigg
Ifsquiggly mass ertt-raerdinaire}
Attributes: Agility d‘l.'E, Smarts d'l 2,
Spirit dill, Strength d‘tE, ‘v'iger d'| 2
Skills: Fighting dlfl, l-lekus Peking ci'ifJ',
f‘~lEll'lL‘E' d‘t2
Charisma: fl Face: ti Parry: T Toughness: S
Edges: Ab {Hecus Iieker], Immunities [blunt
weapans, electricity, peisen, disease}, Lew
Light visien, tvlinians, Squiggle {Sir +2}
Fuwers [fill] PP}: blast [peisen cleud},
invisibilty, Speed, Stun
Gear: "v'ariaus treasures and miniens
Iiusghetti is an eld cehert ef Uuulen
Crepulas. He has been charged with watching
ever the Friselcian Epigraphs until Uuulen
needs them. He lairs with his miniens in a
fungus filled cavern an Clarl:+’s ‘Wang,
The Squigg is bald and pewerful, but he
prefers ta let his minians handle the messy
stuff.
Slimerneld Smelf XII
{male smelf smellcaster and hely reller ef the
Fungish}
Attributes: Agility clh, Smarts dltl, Spirit d'lfl',
Strength d4, ‘v"iger db
Skills: Fighting dti, I-lealing d ltl,
Smellcasting dtfl
Charisma: fl Face: t’: Parry: 5 Teughness: S
Hindrances: Pacifist
Edges: AB [Sme||caster}, Nasal Targeting,
i‘~.limble Little Guy, hlesebleating, Sch nee te
be Reckened With, Smellementalist.
Fuwers {Sit PP}: Lewer Trait [turns target inte
a baby}, Deflectien, Detect I Genceal Arcana,
Greater Healing, I-lealing, Gbscure
Gear: Crappy clething (rags, a mess beard
and merkin}
Slimemeld Smelf Jill is a prisener ef I-later
Wig Wig. He is respensible far the curse that
keeps ‘vernis: Lanuge a baby, but it was all just
a practical jeke that went wreng. Slimeme|d’s
really a geed guy.
Smartypants Brainbulger
[Wandering Dweeb]
Attributes: Agility dd, Smarts dlfl, Spirit d'lt},
Strength d4, ‘v'iger d'ltl
Skills: Fighting dd, Gambling d'l 2,
investigatien d't2, tsinewledge fespleratien}
dt 2, Knewledge {mensters} d't?., Finewiedge
The Funglsh, a cult at srnelves whe ltafig” out in swamps and i-rerysltiphna giant mushr__eeg,Vl'TI'a'l:e semelr,_ggt_|y .9'r-lsa't___'pipeweed.
.
- _
.:- -1-_ __
ii.‘-___
-'r_
.—- __ ._ __
Peenestril Pettymeuth
has a really lung guatee.
{riddles} d12, Netice cllfl, Persuasien c112,
taunt d12
Charisma: fl Pace: 6 Parry: S Teughness: F
Edges: Trickery
Gear: Bea-t:'cfirpartci' [magic bewtie that
allews him te Telepert at will}, sacize sfrr_.jf
{magic bag frern which he can pull just abeut
anything he needs te pull eff a practical jeke).
Smartypants is a crazy little dude that
travels all areund the Ctith playing jekes and
t1'ying te meet interesting peeple. He wears
nething but a bewtie. My man is friendly and
ievial, with a pewerful sense ef hunter. He
weuld make a great Slerge wershipper.
Stump-e—sere—ass
{centanimatrenic minien ef Fecus Fecus}
Attributes: Agility dS, Smarts dd, Spirit‘ d '12,
Strength dlfl, ‘v'ige1' dll
Skills: Fighting dlt], hletice db
Charisma: El Pace: 4 Parry: .7 Teughness: Sfll]
Edges: Berserk
Gear: Geed arme1' {+ 3}, spikes [Strength+2},
stemping feet {Strength+fi_t].
Stemp-sere-ass is basically just a big
meund ef rusty metal spikes attached te twe
gigantic weeden feet. In cembat he tries te
kneck his eppenent ever by ramming with his
spikes and then stemp en Lhern while they are
clewn.
Uuulen Crepules
{vile male cremefillian centanimater}
Attributes: Agility dlt], Smarts dlfi, Spirit
dll, Strength dlfl, ‘H.-figer d12+2
Skills: Centanimatien dIfl{+2}, Fighting dlfl,
Guts d'l2,lntin1idatien dlt], l"~.letice dl2,
Taunt dlfl
Charisma: -2 Pace: E: Parry: T"
Teughrless: l[l{12}
-- C . __
_*
_ if ‘L.
Hindrances: Delusienal
Edges: AB {Centanimating}, Centanimaster,
Feul Taste, lmpreved Arcane Resistance,
F’-:-wer Surge, Tweenking, Spengy Flesh
Pawers {slit PP}: Armer, Barrier, Blast, Belt,
Ernest j Lewer Trait, Centanimate, Fly,
Glbscure, Summen Centanimants [Legend-
ary], Telekinesis, Eernbie
Gear: Crappy clething, decent armer [terse
+2}, Staff ef Filth {Strength+3, +2 te Centani—
mating cells}, Stltlll clams.
Creputes is an evil and twisted villain, Herr.
is delusienal and insane, believing that all
beings are actually centaniinants sent by rival
centanimaters te usurp his pewer.
Secreted deep within Lluulen’s bedy is a
magical suppesitery that allc:-ws him he
summen and centre] a vast number ef' ‘
centanimants.
Uuulen is the bess ef the Villainic
Cnnsertium, a greup ef bacl guys with the
nstensive geal ef werld deminatien, Clnce he
learns ef the plet te find the Primerdial Seup
Kitchen he effers te fund Germinee the
Ger:-sed as a way te keep tabs en the pregress. I
LI'uuten’s ene ef these recurring bad guys" =. --'.'--.-
whe keeps shc-wing up and causing treuble,
Uuuly Creputhrall
{minien ef Uuulen Crepulfltfl
Attributes: Agility dti, Smarts d4, Spirit 1112,
Strength d't I-1, ‘v‘iger d't2
Skills: Fighting dl ll, Threwing d”lE
Charisma: El Pace: 6 Parry: F Teughness: Sfll}
Edges: lmpreved Sweep, lvlarksman
Gear: Geed armer {+3}, lit] recks, 'ttl{ltl clams.
Lltterly lacking in persenality, Uuuly is ;a:-.*“:
killing machine. As the minien at Uuulen
Crepules, he dees anything his master says, '
His left arm is an axe {Strengtl-i+.”i}, and a
hatch en his metal belly steres the racks that
he hurls at his master’s enemies [Strength+1], ,..-
Lluulen has several uncentaminated Uuuly
bedies hidden in varieus lairs thrnugheut the 4'
Gith. Wlien ene is destreyed he simply" -.--1' '.,
centaminates anether.
Vernix Lanuge
{larval crnach and lercl ef Gargle Twice]
Attributes: Agility db, Smarts dltl, Spirit db,
Strength cl-‘-1, ‘tfigflr Llti
Skills: Crying clfl-, Eating dfi, Peeping d3
Charisma: ll Pace: 2 Parry: S Teughness: E-
Hindrances: Cursed {see belew}
Edges: Filthy Rich
Gear: Diaper, high chair thrr:-ne, tens ef ether '
stuff in his mansien.
Lerd Sir ‘v'erni:r L-an uge is the Lerd nf Gargle
Twice. He ewes ebeisance te Liemieedd the
Enplumpinated ef New Cterlquar, but runs the _
citadel with great autenemy, He has recently __ '._
been cursed te retain a larval state even theugh
he is ever seventy. His recent prejects include
redecerating his mansien in a levely ducky
and bunny pattern and renaming all ef his.
_
_"‘_ _-'
servants te better fit his infantile lifestyle.
I-
‘v'erni:r’s curse is the result at a prank gene
wreng [sert at]. Altheugh it came upan him _
J‘
by accident, be rather enjeys being a baby and
Ir:-eks ferward te living his life ever again.
"l|'-I'D???‘
1r‘
:1,
,'—g_' I I L. ‘I
-.
 -s.

,_ ‘:1: ‘es:
‘_
.I|" --._e-"‘_ .,
.. -_ -- . __ .ni-
F _
_
I‘-'

._ , _.r *
S "'
-'T"i1'tle Varmint
THE V eR1M0Ri>1A,1-
-. $h"llSu*lUl*l.l3- INFU it Ei~'.'_}L'T a t.r'lTa_1"-.. t:nMETH:t~.Ici _:~.eDL'T
{iviagically animated fnn-:.i mnnster}
Attributes: J-‘tgility d3, Smarts dd, Spirit d'l2, THE ,
_.. n.
Strength d4 {base}, vignr cifil» [hasel
_ Skills: Fighting d4 {base}
‘Charisma: ll Pace: :3 Parry: 4 {base}
DlSENl..#‘tRG-lFl(?,a'FOR $1‘? i{ll‘l."C‘iiEN
Tnughness: ti {base} A strange and cnrnplez artifact left by Diice the heap gain access tn the Frimnrdial
Edges: Berserk, irnprnved Sweep nnfns whn visited Ciith gazillinns nf Snup Kitchen, and establish themselves as the
Gear: Chandelier {Str+3] miliennia agn, the Etisenlargificatnr aiinws new management, they can begin tn uncnver
A hnrrid thing matte nt animated fnnd and
.,q:"'--
:5. the user tn shrink nrganisms and nbjects its secrets.
Hi"
vnrnit, the size and pnwer nf the beast is wilhnut ntherwise harming them. it wnrks
.' ____'_. .
determined by the a mnunt nf stu if trn m which by way nf a cnmplez series nf buttnns and
it is created. The base size is ten ynrts, but fnr dials, requiring a Smarts rnll at -E« tn nperate
Establishing Management
each additinnal ‘ill ynrts the creature gains a ‘Since the disparate pieces nf the Frisnkian
'l'l'I'-uI- cnrrectiy. lncnrrect nperatinn can have
Staff are assembled and set in place, the real
5 -die in Strength, "v'ignr, and Fighting, with the pntentiaily disastrnus results {see belnw].
usual changes made tn Parry: an-:.t Tnughness. staff nf the Primnrdial Snup Kitclten will
This device was nnce in the cnntrnl nf the
begin in arrive. They have been in hibernatinn
Elernentinnal Discntesticus, but has since
fnr thnusands nf miliennia within the statues
‘fncephalus Greenspleen fallen intn the hands nf Grabmaster hlnrq,
nf it-Zeister island. [Since they emerge they will
{bndul slave} Ctilh's supreme burglar. Nnrq has figured
serve whnever wears the Hat fifth-‘iflltiigditidtil.
nut hnw tn nperate it and nnw utilizes it in
Q

Attributes: Agility dti, Smarts dli, Spirit dfl,

_ Strength dti, "v'ignr dti his criminal escapades.
kills: Fighting db, hlntice d3 The Disenlargifiactnr nnrmaiiy weighs Ill The Staff
arisma: ll Face: ti Parry: 5 Tnughness: 6 ynrts [iii pnunds} and is abnut the size nf a The Prhnnrdial Snup Kitcheii is an
Edges: Big Ass Feet, Clever, Strange, Prnud scary ass mul'ha, aithnugh this can change extremely cnmplez and pnwerful artifact. A
Heritage [see belnw]. The device has the fnllnwing staff nf fifty bus bnys, waiters, cnnks, bnu ncers
'
‘F’ Gear: Lninclnth, mining pick (Strength+f1} features: and nther emplnyees will arrive nver the
Yncephalus used tn be the patriarch nf the Shrink: fly aiming the Disenlargifactnr at cnurse nf the few weeks fnllnwing the
wealthy Greenspleen clan nf Glnwhin. Alter any nbject nr being within 5 ynrts [5”] and assembling nf the Frisnkian Staff in the
___f his family defaulted nn a lnan tn the accessing the prnper cnntrnis, the user can prenrdained lncatinn. The first in arrive,
Gubernatnr all their assets were seized and he sh1'ink the target tn almnst micrnscnpic size emerging f1'nm the statues in the immediate
was snld intn slavery. He currently wnrks in a [nr any size in between). The physical vicinity, are nne representative nf each
smnlderstnne mine nwned by the characteristics nf the l'arget dn nnt change department. These beings are all standard
Ciubernatnr's cnusin Feennstril Pnttymnuth. [including Strength} and all equipment and nnfns. They are nameless and have nn
cinthing currently nn the target aisn shrinks. memnries nr will nther than the desire tn serve
‘J
A dial nn the side aiinws the user tn shrink whnever wears the Hat nf ivlanagement. The
Zeiviz the device itself, and the flexible nnzzle heap may name them as they see fit.
{crnach tnur guide and devnut Jeezle Freak] aiinws the user in target himself.
Attributes: r-‘agility dti, Smarts dti, Spirit dti, Llnshrirtk: fly reversing the pnlarity
I Strength dti, vignr d8 [putting the batteries in backwards] the
Uncnvering the Secrets
. Skills: Fighting dh, Knnwlecige [mining]: till Each department within me Frimnrdial
Diseniargificatnr can unshrink any target
bintice till
Snup ls'.itchen is charged with a specific task.
p1'evinusiy shrunk by the device. it has nn
The nnfns whn maintain these departments
pnwer tn enlarge nbjects nr nrganism nf
T" “Edges: Crunchy Shell, Gullet nfSteel, have fnrgntten mnst nf what they used tn
nnrmal size, nnr can it grnw a shrunk nbject
knnw, but nver the cnu1'se nf a few weeks the
J __vitatinn {see belnw] tvlnitiple Limbs
.
past its nriginal size.
" ' ar: Snazzy clnthing, staff (Strength +2} knnwiedge will cnme back tn them. The
‘F

departments, and their assigned tasks, are as

Zelviz is a very religinus Jeezle Freal-:. and Incnrrect flperatinn: lmprnper usage nf
guide. He lives cm the Incredibly Huge
the Disenlargificatnr can have terrifying
'ivinnster““. He levitates, tar snrne unexplained results. Dnce a successful usage nf the device
reasnn, a ynrt nr sn abnve the grnund at all is accnmpiished, that user nn lnnger needs tn
make a Smarts rnll tn cnrrecily nperate it. Dn
a failed Smarts rnll, rnll a dlii and apply the
result tn this chart:
RnLL Resurt
i-2 Shrinkage is permanent.
Set The target gnes insane {at the l-lnss’s
discretlnn}.
5 Duly nne part nf the target is shrunk
[an arm, leg, head, etc. . .).
is The shrinitage nnly lasts fnr Edd
minutes.
The target gnes permanently blind nr
deaf.
The target dnes nnt shrink b.ut
The llisehlargificatur
becnmes nearly weightless (Strength
"rs certainly a strange thirg
red uced tn iii].
The target lnses a limb nr nther
impnrtant part [permanently].
The target is disintegrated tshrtml-:
inln nnne:-:istence}.
fnllnws:
Kitchen Staff
The assnrtment nf chefs, cnnks, prep chefs,
and miznlngists are charged with the
maintenance and catalnguing nf the samples
cnllected by the Research and Develnpment
staff. They a1'e able tn recnmbine these
materials, as well as the ancient samples still
abnard the Snup l'~'.itchen., creating tizn’ts and
nther unique beings. Di cnurse, since all the
recipe bnnks have been inst, the whnle thing is
pretty much a pntiuck.
Create Tizn'ts: The kitchen staff can create
nne tizn't every Zdsl days. The beings created
are a randnm assnrtment nf traits frnm the
creatures nf ancient Ditii. it is pnssible tn
create mnre specific tizn’ts using newly
cnllected materials. Created tizn’ts are unique,
free-willed, nrganisms with nn nbligatinn tn
management.
Research «St Develnpment
These are the giggities and the giggity
giggers. At any time there are 1[ll.'IZI giggities

‘lite, llisetrlargificaier can "-be wired i_I-ite,"‘l_l_1e‘m_e_c|'ianis'ms a_I'- the Primordial _5sup Kitchen is give it sire altering aiiilitis.
'W93‘!—:':~" illifiir-’
- _
,h=__
I
I- F
 ‘E- |"

reaming areund cellecting rand em traits treat

all the denizens ef the Dith.
Centre! Giggities: The [ten staff can
summen giggities frem anywhere en C}ith_
The giggities will came as quickly as pessible
and fellew any erders given te them.

Clperatiens
These ecifes are charged with the upkeep
an-:.l maintenance ef the kitchen itself.
Flight: The I”-‘SK can fly, at the central ef the
Clperal-lens staff, at a rate ef Ell" per reund. It
can't leave the C'lith’s atmespliere, but can
travel underwater.
Decer: The Dperatiens staff can quickly
and efficiently change the cc-ler, pattern, and
furnishing ef the interier and exterier ef the
PSK just by pressing same huttens and
jiggling a few switches. The cenfiguratien ef
eitterier w indews and interier walls can alse
he changed in this manner.
Defense: The euter hull ef the IJSK is made
ef a unique metal frem beyend the stars. it has
a Teuglutess ef Ell.
Waitstaff: Ten waiters, waitresses, and bus-
beys stand ready te tie the bidding ef
management. They serve meals, clean the
place, and generally de whatever is asked ef
them.

Beuncers
The I’Sl'~’I has a staff ef '1 llll primer-dial geens
at the cemmand ef management. lvlest ef the
geens are kept in big jars until needed.

Physical Features
The Iirimerdial Eieup icitchen is shaped like
a gigantic egg atep an incredibly high tewer.
The tewer, which centains a sert ef
e|evater—stairway kind ef thing, can retract
cempletely irtl:(‘t the egg at the cemmand ef the
Clperatiens staff.
The interier ef the I’SI'~'. is made ef the same
strange metal as the hull, altheugh the
Clperatiens staff can alter it te leek like just
alaeut anything management wants. Strange
lights and censeles full ef bu ttens and
blinking diedes are everywhere.
If yeu haven’t figured it eut yet, the PER’. is
a spaceship. It was stranded here eens age.
Clver the ensuing millennia whatever fuel
ence pewered its euter space flight has
drained away, but it can still fly acress the
surface er beneath the waves.

‘What's Next?
The heap are free te maintain central ef the
i’Si( themselves, er hand it ever te whatever
special interest greup they serve. If they
decide te keep it, they can expect tn be
frequently visited by eefe pilgrims, hcnnesick
tien'ts, religieus fanatics, and just ahcrut every
wisenheimer, eldster, e:-tplerer, and ped-:.lle—
meister en the planet. Fereign armies and
insidieus villains will try te steal it, while
cultists and extremists will want te wership it
[and perhaps H‘te' heap as well}.

TH E E: N D
cm net willing its spend anymore timgy-ra'n this p.g__a'_j" *t;f;g,,rtr't;*‘E+t-antgtrts-5,5,.
--...- 1 .

It
%-%-
 I
. if ;_

'H'I.i*f§J“'
-

-g,1,.n--1|. .

Demeiltional Dieooteetieua Hoomanraoe Sighting Incident Report

Ahflut The duthfll“

Name: Andy Hopp

iliao: The weirdo who I-‘iade Thie hook
Species: Hoomanraoe {unconfirmed}
Home: Akron, Ohio
Home on the Range: www.and:;hopp.oom

Deapite dozens of alleged eightinge. the

Dementional Diaooteatioua has been unable to
confirm or deny the existence of thie bizarre
Hoomanraeian. Reliable aouraee have reported
epottinge in and around various gaming cone and
‘he -=I.I..’.i'I:Ir |'.'II|-aged!-_.,:'|
art ahowa. Plaater oaata and eaat eamplea taken in
the vicinity of Akron. Dhio {where the enhjeot euppoeedly habitatee with wife Heather
and daughter Iliana} indioate a gregarioue and terreetrial 1ifeet;5r1e. inoient reoorde.
dating to the time Before the Plush. deooribe the enbjeot an the illuotrator of dooeno
of tomee and amueemente with whioh to entertain ite peero among; the primordial
anraoe. Low Life ie the first work authored entirely by the eubjeot. although
illnetratione have appeared in numeroue prodnoto.
For more information.
or to report a oighting. pleaoe oontaot 3'32 AVE. J,!,_kI-an‘ flhig 44313
g__~n_d3r ‘Hap.-P Alpha
The El-ementional Dioooteotiouo
Uffioe of Hoomanrnoe Affairs at: wwww'flndFhD-pp'BDm EndFgandFhDpP'cDm