Forevermore

By: Hunter King

I exhale into the palm of my hands in an attempt to warm them up, as the icy sting of

wind stabs at my pale skin. It only provides temporary relief, the wind biting at my hands again.

I shove my hands into the pockets of my jeans and watch as hundreds of snowflakes flutter to the

snowy landscape below. The evening moon rises as I lean against the outer walls of my house,

waiting for him to arrive. I’m so eager to see him again, that I don’t even want to wait inside the

cozy warmth of my home. I’d rather stand in the blistering cold, so I don’t keep him waiting. My

porch light provides the only ray of lighting upon my driveway, washing away the shadows of

the night. I don’t have to wait long until his gray Pontiac GTO pulls into the driveway. I smile

and wave at him through the windshield of his car, before walking over and entering the

passenger side.

His smile is the first thing I notice as I settle into the seat. The way his perfectly

straightened, white teeth glisten under the interior lights warms my heart. The way his luminous

aquamarine irises seem to peer into my very soul makes my heart race. The overall way he lights

up whenever he sees me makes me feel seen and appreciated. Kieran Torrance is the kind of man

everyone wants to be or to be with. He’s incredibly kind, generous, handsome, muscular – you

name it. He could be with anyone he wanted to, but here he was spending time with someone

like me. I’m none of the things people look for in a man. I’m not too tall, not too short. I’m

overweight, quiet, timid, unremarkable in every way. No one would ever want to be with

someone like me and frankly, I can’t blame them. There should be no reason why Kieran would

ever want to hang out with me, but he still chooses to.
 “Hey Conan. How’s everything been?” Kieran asked with genuine curiosity.

I love how we can sit together in a car and just talk. Whenever Kieran and I spend time

together, he always takes a few minutes to sit in my driveway to catch up with me before he

begins driving. He’s just a nice guy like that; he focuses all of his attention on me when we talk.

“The same as always, I guess. Just trying to push through work and school. How about

you?” I ask, smiling softly and meeting his gaze.

“Same. Just been feeling a little lonely though I guess.” His smile falters and he keeps his

hands on the wheel.

“I’m here for you,” I say, reassuring him..

“Yeah…” his voice trails off and he looks out of the windshield.

For a moment, there’s silence between us. Usually Kieran and I would break this

awkward silence by discussing something else or just by doing something together. Sometimes

he even ruffles my hair and gives me his award-winning smile that makes me melt every time I

see it. But the silence persists and I begin to worry. How lonely has Kieran been feeling lately?

Am I not enough to take away his loneliness? Does he only hang out with me because of that?

“Ready to head out?” He asks.

“Yeah,” I nod, swallowing slowly and turning my head to look out of the window.

As he begins to back out of my driveway, Kieran leans over, places his right hand on the

back of my seat, and looks through the rear window. It’s a simple maneuver most drivers make

when reversing their car, but it makes the pink hue blossom in my cheeks. I can feel my lungs

exhaling in relief and maybe even disappointment when both of his hands return to the wheel, as

he begins driving.

“Where are we going again?” I ask.

 “Do you trust me?” He asks with a mysterious tone.

“Maybe,” I grin.

“Maybe?” His eyebrows raise and his lips quirk upward.

“Well I don’t know… you’re being all mysterious and distant like you’re planning on

murdering me.” I tease.

“Oh totally. Totally not taking you to the coolest place ever,” he hints.

“We’re going to Taco Bell?”

“Noooo– well, maybe later. But that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I have no idea then,” I chuckle.

“You would never guess it anyway. It’s sort of ‘the coolest place in the world’ that only I

know about.”

“Yup, definitely murdering me.”

“Shut up,” he smiles softly.

After a short drive, Kieran brings his car to a stop upon a dirt trail on a hill. The trail is

only illuminated by the headlights from his car.

“We’re here,” he says softly, avoiding my gaze a bit.

“Uhhh… where are we?” I ask.

“I know it’s kinda cold outside, but if you wanna see something really cool, we should

hang out outside of the car.” He says, before leaving the car.

I nod and step out, watching as Kieran retrieves a blanket from the trunk of his car. He

spreads it out on the hood of his car, before patting it.

“Have a seat,” he suggests with his signature smile that always wins me over.

“I don’t want to dent your car,” I say, shoving my hands into my pockets.
 “You won’t. Not unless you punch the hood, anyway.”

I cautiously lay down on top of the blanket, leaning my head on the windshield. It’s still a

little cold and wet from the hellish winter we’re going through, but I could tell Kieran put in the

time to scrape all of the ice and snow off of it. He lays down next to me on the blanket and slips

a pillow behind both of our heads.

“So… this is the coolest place on Earth?” I ask.

“It is. At least it is to me.”

“What makes it so special to you?’

“My mom used to take me here when I was young. I know it doesn’t look like much, but

it’s very nostalgic for me.”

I look forward and notice the hill the car is upon is overlooking the city we live in. At this

time of night, the vibrant glow of the city lights shine quite beautifully. But it’s not an

overwhelming amount of light, as the evening sky above has stars as clear as the eye can see.

The city lights seem to twinkle just for the two of us and the howling wind seems to be urging

the two of us closer. Just one look at this view is enough to take my breath away. But to share

this view with someone special must make this place even more beautiful.

“It’s… amazing.” I whisper.

“I haven’t been here since she passed. I tried pushing away everything that reminded me

of her because it hurt too much to remember. But I realized no matter how hard I tried to push

away the pain, it still lingered anyway.”

I don’t plan on saying a word as he is speaking. I know it must be a bit painful for him to

be here right now, so I just want him to know that I’m here for him.
 “I’m sorry if I’m being distant tonight, it’s just… I haven’t been here since she passed. If

I’m being honest, you’re the one who has been helping me deal with losing my mom. You’re the

one who makes me smile every day and makes me feel less alone.. It feels like you’re the only

one that sees the real me.”

My heart skips a beat as his eyes meet mine again.

“I really like the real you,” I smile.

“That’s why I wanted to bring you here. I wanted to visit this hill again to remember my

mom, but I didn’t want to come here alone. And I knew if I could bring anyone here, I would

want it to be you.”

“Aww… you asshole. You’re gonna make me cry.” I tease, rubbing my eyes to wipe

away the tears that are beginning to form.

“I’m so glad you said that because I might actually cry too.”

I’m not sure what gives me the confidence to do so, but I wrap my arms around Kieran

and pull him into a tight hug. We don’t hug very often, but I can tell he needs one. He presses his

forehead against my shoulder, breathing slowly as if he is trying to compose himself before

pulling away. I brush my hand along his back, hoping with each circular motion that he will feel

reassured that everything will be alright. The wind howls between us and I shiver against his

touch. Kieran pulls away from the hug and furrows his brows as his warm palms clasp around

my hand. The warmth travels to my cheeks as his concerned gaze meets mine.

“You’re freezing. Let’s get back in the car,” he suggests.

“We don’t have to. It’s a little chilly but I’ll be fine,” I reassure him. I may be

underestimating how cold I’m really feeling, but I don’t want this moment between us to end so

soon.
 “Conan, you’re shivering. At least take my jacket.” He moves to remove his black puffy

jacket to wrap it around me.

“But you’ll be cold if I take it from you,” I counter, placing my hand upon his arm to stop

him.

There’s a brief pause between us, as Kieran seems to contemplate his next move. He

pulls his arms out of the sleeves of his jacket, and slides closer to me, the sides of our bodies now

pressing together as he wraps the jacket around both of us. It feels as if a dome of warmth hugs

my torso, and this sudden proximity between us cuts off the oxygen from my lungs. I avoid his

gaze, looking down at the blanket beneath me. The closeness between us isn’t unwelcome, but it

takes me off guard.

“Is this okay?” He asks softly.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

He nods and looks off into the distance like he did a moment before. I lift my eyes and

notice he’s frozen in place, perhaps lost in deep contemplation. Every time I inhale, the familiar

allure of his cologne invades my senses. Hints of cedarwood, amber, and even citrus waft into

my lungs, causing a brief dizzy spell. Every bone in my body aches to be under the influence of

his control. Mind, body, and soul – I want all of me to belong to him. I’m tired of denying it; I

simply can’t anymore. I have to let the walls come crumbling down. I have to let the armies

wage their wars, even if it leaves a bloody mess in the wake. Even if I lose Kieran in the process,

not letting him know how I feel about him is killing me more than the potential pain of losing

him altogether. Feeling particularly daring today, I place my hand over his. And to my surprise,

he doesn’t tug his hand away, although he doesn’t meet my gaze either. He stares into the
distance, ignoring the heat of the moment. His breathing slows and his fingers spread apart to

allow mine to fill the space.

“Conan?” He asks.

“Kieran…” I whisper. The pounding of my heart against my chest fills the silence, as he

thinks about what he wants to say next.

“I’ve been thinking about kissing you all night long. Been thinking about it for a while

now,” he admits, still avoiding my gaze. My heart flatlines and my lungs deprive themselves of

oxygen.

“Me too,” I confess.

“I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to do it already. I’m afraid I guess. Afraid that I

might hurt you, and I could never forgive myself if I ever hurt you.”

“You could never hurt me,” I assure him.

His eyes finally pierce through my soul once more, and he removes his hand from mine

to cup my cheek. His clammy palm sears the frozen tundra that is my face, and I take notice of

the way his eyes glaze over with tears. The aquamarine irises I have come to love now appear a

watercolor hue reminiscent of the ocean on the warmest day of summer.

“I don’t know if I’m–” he starts, quickly cutting himself off.

“You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be,” I whisper.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being– you know. I just don’t know if I am.

But I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re in my mind all the time, especially when I’m lying

alone in bed at night. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe without you by my side,” he

admits, tears now streaming down his cheeks.

“Kieran…”
 “Conan…”

The moment I’ve been craving for forever now arrives. His lips meet mine and our eyes

forcibly shut. It’s almost indescribable, everything that I’m feeling right now. I can feel myself

melding against his touch, against the salty bitterness and subtle sweetness of his lips on mine. It

feels as if the world and time itself has come to a halt. I’m his and he’s mine.

He pulls away, our hands clasping together like a secret that only we know. I hold his

hand like a vow to love him proper and love him true. I lean my head against his shoulder and

we stare off at the city lights in the distance once more.

“My mom would have loved you. I hope she’s proud of me.” he faintly says.

“I’m sure she’s watching over you and is extremely proud of you.,” I assure him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice his lips raising in a soft smile, and he removes my

hand from his to wrap his arm around me.

“So what happens to us from here forward?” I ask softly.

“I’m not sure, but one thing I do know is that we’ll deal with it together,” he assures,

leaning his head against mine. I smile and look up into his eyes, confirming his sentiment

forevermore.

“Together.”