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Chapter 06 Relevance (Red Herring) Fallacies Answer Key

Short Answer Questions

1. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"People in Hegins, Pennsylvania, hold an annual pigeon shoot in order to control the pigeon
population and to raise money for the town. This year, the pigeon shoot was disrupted by animal
rights activists who tried to release the pigeons from their cages. I can’t help but think these
animal rights activists are the same people who believe in controlling the human population through
the use of abortion. Yet, they recoil at a similar means of controlling pigeons. What rank hypocrisy."
—Rush Limbaugh

Ad hominem.

6-1
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McGraw-Hill Education.
2. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"The San Jose Mercury News made some explosive and unsubstantiated charges in articles earlier
this year suggesting the Central Intelligence Agency helped start the crack epidemic in the United
States. The CIA has often behaved scandalously over the years, but no one, including the Mercury
News, has produced credible evidence the CIA organized or took part in drug dealing by the Contras
or that the rebels flooded Los Angeles with drugs to finance their war against the Sandinistas."
—New York Times

This may look like a case of misplaced burden of proof fallacious reasoning: There has been no
evidence presented that the CIA did help start the crack epidemic, therefore it is safe to conclude
that it did not help start it. But there is no such fallacious reasoning going on, because in fact the
burden of proof lies on the Mercury News in the first place. The affirmative side always gets the
burden of proof in cases like this.

3. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"You can't say that he is uneducated. At what point does someone become educated?"

Line-drawing fallacy.

4. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"It really gripes me to see Bill Clinton talking about how cigarette smoking is a big contributor to
public health costs. You want to know how much you can trust him on that subject? Well, even he
himself admits to smoking cigars!"

Ad hominem (inconsistency).

6-2
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McGraw-Hill Education.
5. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"The administration’s proposal to declare hundreds of thousands of acres of federal land as


‘roadless areas’ is a huge mistake, and I’m against it. The whole point of the proposal—and it will
succeed if the President gets his way—is to lock the American people out of those areas."

Straw man.

6. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"I don’t believe we ought to believe the so-called ‘admissions’ of the Liggett and Myers Company.
I think the only reason they’re now agreeing with tobacco critics about the addictive powers of
nicotine and the nicotine-level manipulation by the company is to get themselves off the hook and
avoid bigger trouble, even if it means getting the other tobacco companies into bigger trouble."

Ad hominem (circumstantial).

7. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Of course the Task Force on Crime is going to conclude that crime is on the way up. If they
conclude it’s on the way down, they’d have to disband the task force, wouldn’t they?"

Ad hominem (circumstantial). Although, since it’s an entity, genetic fallacy works.

6-3
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8. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"The police asked the neighbors on both sides of the Owens’s home whether they’d ever seen
either of them do any drugs. They all agreed they hadn’t, so it’s a pretty safe bet they aren’t
really drug users."

Misplaced burden of proof.

9. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

When several people in Harvey’s department get new computers, he is annoyed because he is not
among them. "I’ll tell you what," Harvey says to his wife, "if they want to rip me off by not getting
a new computer for me, I’ll just rip them off for extra office supplies. They’ve got a lot of stuff at
work we could use around here, and they’ll have no way of knowing that it’s gone. Turnabout’s fair
play."

Two wrongs make a right.

10. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Look, the governor’s office is supposed to list chemicals that are suspected to be poisonous, but
let’s not put them on the list officially until we know for sure that they’re harmful. Otherwise, we
just cause a lot of unnecessary trouble for the people who make and use the chemicals."

Misplaced burden of proof (special circumstances—high stakes).

6-4
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McGraw-Hill Education.
11. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Disgruntled faculty member to a colleague: "It is clear to me what I’m up against with that class.
Their idea of a successful course is one in which they get a passing grade by putting in the
absolutely minimal amount of time and effort. If they can get the grade without learning anything, so
much the better."

Straw man.

12. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Richard Nixon once said, ‘Tip O’Neill’s the most ruthless speaker in history.’ Being called
‘ruthless’ by Nixon is like Ross Perot criticizing your haircut."
—Sandy Grady, Knight-Ridder Newspapers

Ad hominem (inconsistency), accomplished by a pretty ruthless persuasive comparison!

13. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"When [Nidal] Ayyad [convicted of conspiring to blow up the World Trade Center in 1993]
complained that ‘human rights advocates’ had not monitored his treatment during months of
detention, [U.S. District Judge Kevin T.] Duffy interjected: ‘Did human rights organizations monitor
the people whom you killed?’"
—Robert L. Jackson, in the Los Angeles Times

Duffy commits an ad hominem.

6-5
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14. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You saw what the former governor of Illinois did: He declared a moratorium on executions in the
state. It was a good thing, too, because it turns out that a large number of the inmates on death row
had to be turned loose because DNA evidence proved them innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt.
It’s about time we got serious about the fact that we’ve been convicting innocent people and
sentencing them to death.

No fallacy.

15. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

No, I do NOT believe that a murderer ought to be allowed to live. No way! Murderers have forfeited
the right to live because anyone who murders another person has lost that right.

Begging the question.

16. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

No, I do NOT believe that a murderer has a right to live, and here’s why: The criminal justice
system in this country has gotten completely out of control, what with rapists, murderers, you name
it—all getting off scot-free. It’s got to change!

Irrelevant conclusion.

6-6
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17. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

No, I don’t believe we ought to reinstate the death penalty in this state. Doing it isn’t going to
prevent all crime, and you know it.

Perfectionist fallacy.

18. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You show me when a fetus wasn’t a person, just show me! Tell me exactly when it is. When the
baby is born? Well, why not just a day before that? Or the day before that? Or the day before that?
Where you gonna draw the line? You gotta say life begins with conception.

Line-drawing fallacy.

19. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You show me when an embryo becomes a human person, just show me! Tell me exactly when it is.
When it’s just an egg, the size of a pin head? When it divides once? Twice? Three times? When?
Where you gonna draw the line? An embryo is not a person, and that’s that.

Line-drawing fallacy.

6-7
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20. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

All this talk about secondhand smoke causing cancer, I just don’t get it. How does it happen?
WHEN does it happen? The first time you take a breath in a smoky room? The second time? The
third? You can never pin it down exactly.

Line-drawing fallacy (assuming the conclusion is that indirect smoking doesn’t cause cancer).

21. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Those four officers who killed the innocent man in New York by mistake should be found not guilty
of any crime. None of them had ever been in any kind of trouble before, and, tragically, this kind of
thing is just going to happen when we have aggressive police work.

Irrelevant conclusion; in fact, two irrelevant conclusions.

22. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Gays in the military? Either let ’em in, or keep out all minorities; take your choice. I’m for letting
them in. The alternative is ridiculous.

False dilemma.

6-8
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McGraw-Hill Education.
23. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Gays in the military? No way. Clinton promoted the idea just to get the homosexual vote.

Irrelevant conclusion.

24. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Gays in the military? Yes. Maybe you favor excluding everyone except for white Anglo-Saxon males
with adolescent personalities, but not me.

Straw man.

25. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

From a prosecutor’s closing statement at a trial: "In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
there can be absolutely no doubt that this defendant committed these terrible murders. Look at the
mother of the victim, sitting over there, and the father—their lives are forever destroyed by this evil
deed. Never again will they know the peace and happiness that was their due. Put yourselves in
their shoes, and you will know whether or not this man is guilty."

Irrelevant conclusion.

6-9
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26. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"The second group that has latched on to the environmentalist movement... wants to preserve the
earth at all costs, even if it means that much of the Third World will be forever condemned to
poverty. Rather than elevate the Third World, they want to move us closer to Third World
conditions. That’s somehow cleaner, purer. It’s the way things were before Western white people
came along and terrorized the earth by inventing things. They want to roll us back, maybe not to the
Stone Age, but at least to the horse-and-buggy era."
—Rush Limbaugh

Straw man/ad hominem (depending on what you focus on).

27. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Was the president guilty of sexual harassment as the Republicans said? Hey, give me a break!
What’s important is jobs, health care, and welfare reform.

Irrelevant conclusion.

28. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Who cares if the president was guilty of sexual harassment? He got some progress made in terms of
jobs, health care, and welfare reform. Those are the important issues!

This hardly convinces that one ought not care about the sexual harassment issue, of course, but it
isn’t fallacious.

6-10
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29. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Of course that can’t be a legitimate proposal. They’re just trying to get the city council to pass a
regulation that will stir up some business for them.

Ad hominem (circumstantial, presumably).

30. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Letter to the editor: "In rejoinder to your July 21 editorial, I certainly don’t see how you can
criticize the striking Springfield Unified School District teachers who carried their own signs. Let us
not forget that you endorsed and supported city council members Holt and Donazetti, who not only
paraded up and down Main Street with their own placards, but also got young children out of school
to parade with them."
—North State Record

Ad hominem (inconsistency).

31. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

The next speaker is going to speak in favor of the idea. But she works for the gun lobby. Don’t
even bother listening to what she says.

Poisoning the well.

6-11
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McGraw-Hill Education.
32. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Preferential treatment in hiring is something we must support; after all, can you think of a reason
why we shouldn’t?

Misplaced burden of proof.

33. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

No, I don’t believe that Uncle Bob is really gone forever. He was like a father to me, and I believe
that someday, somehow or other, we’ll see one another again; I don’t think I could go on if I didn’t
believe that.

Wishful thinking.

34. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You know very well I don’t care what Mason says about investments or, for that matter, anything
else. That guy is the most money-grubbing creep I’ve ever run into; all he ever cares about is
where his next dollar is coming from. He can take his opinions and stick ‘em in his ear.

Ad hominem (personal attack).

6-12
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35. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Listen, friends, it’s our money the board of supervisors wants to spend putting sewers and other
improvements out there in that Antelope Creek development. And you know who’s going to profit
from it the most? The developers, who don’t even live around here. I tell you, we have sat back and
done nothing long enough! It’s high time we told these out-of-town interlopers or antelopers or
whatever they are to go mess with somebody else’s town. I won’t stand for it any more!

Argument from outrage. (There is a relevant appeal here, but the speaker is clearly trying to evoke
outrage from his audience as well.)

36. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"It's obvious that God created the universe. Can you prove that he didn't?"

Misplacing the burden of proof.

37. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I know it was not very nice to overcharge them like that for the room, but all’s fair in love, war, and
business, my dear. Besides, if the situation were reversed and we were desperate for lodging, they
would have bled us for all we’re worth.

Two wrongs make a right.

6-13
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38. Identify any fallacies in the following two passages. Why are they different?

Letter to the editor: "Your food section frequently features recipes with veal, and you say veal is a
wholesome, nutritious dish. I disagree. Do you know how veal comes to be on your plate? At birth a
newborn calf is separated from its mother, placed in a dark enclosure, and chained by its neck so
that it cannot move freely. This limits muscular development so that the animal is tender. It is kept
in the dark pen until the day it is cruelly slaughtered."
—Cascade News

Argument from pity.

39. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Overheard: "When it comes to the issue of growth in this town, you’re either part of the solution,
or you’re part of the problem."

False dilemma.

40. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

This business of American car manufacturers having joint ventures with foreign car makers really
stinks. Think of the consequences of not being able to buy American-made cars. No jobs for
American car workers, no big cars, no ready supply of parts, no consumption of American steel. I
think we should prohibit joint ventures.

Straw man.

6-14
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41. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In spite of its hypocritical announcement that North Korea has ceased nuclear testing, it is safe to
assume that the North Koreans have done no such thing, for at present we have no means of
verifying their so-called moratorium.

Misplaced burden of proof.

42. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Clearly, Mexico desperately needs financial help in handling its $96 billion foreign debt, since without
any aid Mexico cannot possibly reduce that enormous sum, and it is urgent that it be reduced.

Begging the question.

43. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

This river has been changing its course every couple of years for the past few thousand years. Now
they’ve decided that the banks need to be stabilized. Who does the Army Corps of Engineers think
it is to come in here and decide they know something Mother Nature doesn’t?

This kind of fallacy is of the "if it’s been going on like this for a long time, then this is the way it
should continue" variety, which is close to our "argument from tradition," but "tradition" doesn’t
seem to apply comfortably when it’s nature and not people that is responsible for the situation. In
any case, sometimes the mere fact that something has happened in a certain way can provide
reasons for leaving well enough alone, but the mere fact that this is the way it has happened is not
itself such a reason.

6-15
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44. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Ad for a store that sells pianos: "Pianos are our only business. You’ll get the best deal at the piano
experts."

Irrelevant conclusion. (That they sell nothing but pianos is irrelevant to how much they sell them
for.)

45. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Of course God created the universe. How do I know? Because he is the Creator."

Begging the question.

46. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Frankly, I don’t think you would be satisfied with anything less than our Model 24, which allows for
more expansion than any other personal computer in its class. The way you catch on to things—
something I can tell just from the questions you’ve asked here in the store—you’re not going to be
happy with a machine whose limits you’ll soon reach.

Apple polishing.

6-16
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47. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Are you telling me that you’re twenty-one years old and still a virgin? I’d keep quiet about that if I
were you—you’d be the laughingstock of the dorm if that were widely known.

Peer pressure.

48. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"I certainly don’t think much of the totalitarian form of government. A so-called free election with
only one candidate is not free at all."
"Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s all that bad."
"Why not?"
"Just look at our elections. Sure, we have more than one person running, but the candidates are all
alike. They might just as well be one person, for all the difference there is among them."

Straw man.

49. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"I say let’s splurge and buy seats on the fifty-yard line. I know a place we can get them for
twenty-five dollars apiece."
"Good grief! Maybe you want to spend every last cent we make on a football game, but not me. Are
you nuts?"

Straw man.

6-17
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50. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Well! Finally, after all these years, the telephone company makes an error on my bill in my favor!
And I’m surely not going to point it out to them. They’ve been gouging me since telephones first
came into existence.

Two wrongs make a right.

51. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Why do I spend so much on clothes? Well, it’s either that or look like a bum, and I know which of
those I prefer.

False dilemma.

52. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

When he was twelve, Walter Polovchak and his family were permitted to emigrate from the Soviet
Union to the United States. Walter’s father, however, eventually decided to return to Russia and
was pressured by the Soviet Embassy to take Walter with him. The American Civil Liberties Union
sided with Walter’s father, rather than with Walter, who wished to remain in Chicago. When the case
reached the courts, the legal arguments of the ACLU were criticized by some editorial writers on
the grounds that in most other instances involving the rights of children, the ACLU had always sided
with the child. Commented one law professor: "The ACLU’s actions regarding Walter can be
understood only in terms of ‘an unwillingness to criticize communism.’"

Ad hominem (inconsistency).

6-18
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53. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I don’t think postmodern expressionism is decent art. It’s another style spawned by the East Coast
art establishment, and, frankly, I’m tired of that group’s dictating to the rest of the art world.

Genetic fallacy.

54. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Getting on Senator Davis’s case about the propriety of some of his financial dealings strikes me as
just plain carping. Davis made a considerable economic sacrifice when he left private industry and
entered politics; the people of this district are lucky to have him there.

Irrelevant conclusion with an appeal to pity.

55. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Overheard: "I don’t know why Barbara won’t go out with me. She must think I’m too intense for
her."

False dilemma.

6-19
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56. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Doesn’t the fact that very few first-rank economists accept Marxist economic ideas suggest to
you that there may be something wrong with those ideas?"
"Not at all. Those economists are all tools of the ruling capitalist parties. I dismiss their views out of
hand."

Ad hominem (personal attack/circumstantial).

57. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I just learned why all those theories about nonhumans building the Great Pyramids and the Easter
Island statues and so on are full of baloney. The guy who wrote about them was once a hotel
manager somewhere in Switzerland, and he was once convicted of embezzlement. No wonder those
theories smelled fishy!

Ad hominem (personal attack).

58. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Yeah, sure the Los Angeles district attorney believes that O. J. Simpson got a fair trial. But before
you sign on to something like that, you might notice that O. J. is a black man and that the Los
Angeles district attorney is a white man. That tells you all you need to know about his opinion of
fair trials.

Ad hominem (circumstantial).

6-20
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59. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

From a defense attorney’s closing remarks at a trial: "This young man isn’t guilty of a crime. No,
ladies and gentlemen, it’s society that’s guilty of a crime, a crime against the very person on trial
here. The society that wants to send him to prison for half his life is the same society that
produced the rotten neighborhood in which he was born and grew up, that saw to it that he got a
fifth-rate education, that gave him pimps and drug dealers for role models, and that offered him the
choice between street crime or jobs nobody else would take. This jury—you—can do something to
right the wrong that has been done to this young man...."

Irrelevant conclusion with an appeal to pity. The jury’s job is to determine guilt or innocence; these
remarks may, however, be relevant to the kind of sentence that is deserved.

60. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"You cannot support his stand on reforming public education. He sends his own children to private
schools!"

Ad hominem.

6-21
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61. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I know there are people who think that Sarah is too impetuous and flighty. But these qualities only
make her exciting to me and make me love her all the more.

This is really as much a case of self-induced self-deception as it is fallacious reasoning. We


suppose wishful thinking is as close as our categories come to it. (Instances of this sort seem
almost absurdly silly to most of us most of the time, but we must remember that reasoning about
certain subjects becomes much more difficult when romance puts one’s brain chemistry
inconveniently, if pleasantly, out of kilter. It is part of the human condition that we are sometimes
called on to make crucial decisions at such times.)

62. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Letter to the editor: "Should people on welfare be allowed to play the lottery? I say no. It’s time we
did something about the welfare rip-off in this country. I believe in charity for the poor, but free-
loading parasites who are too lazy to get out and do an honest day’s work—I say cut them off at
the knees!"
—North State Record

This piece of vitriol is certainly fallacious; it seems to have one foot in straw man and one in
argument from indignation, though it doesn’t fit neatly into either category.

6-22
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63. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Another letter to the editor on the same subject: "It is positively disgraceful that welfare recipients
can spend some of their checks on lottery tickets." If they can afford to spend their monthly
allowances on the lottery instead of things that are essential, such as food, shelter, and clothing,
then they don’t need public assistance. Why should I, a taxpayer, shell out my money to them for
that purpose?
—North State Record

False dilemma, with one horn of the dilemma a straw man.

64. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

It’s clear enough to me that Senator John McCain would have made a great president. Look, it
isn’t often that we get a chance to elect a guy who’s a war hero, a prisoner of war in an enemy
prison camp, and we ought to have done it when we had the chance.

Reference to the prisoner-of-war experience remains an irrelevant conclusion until it’s at least
indicated how it is relevant to performance as president.

6-23
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65. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I know it probably puts me in the unfashionable minority these days, but I really don’t think much of
Hank Williams’s music. Ever since I learned that he drank a lot and took drugs, I’ve felt that way.

While this may be ad hominem of the personal attack sort, it may also be a psychological
explanation about somebody’s reaction to Hank Williams and his music. It becomes more clearly the
former if the person goes on to claim that the music in question is bad because of its creator’s
personal habits.

66. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In response to the woman who felt that Chicago Honeybear cheerleaders were being exploited by
men who viewed the Honeybears as sex objects, Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Royko devoted a
column to the subject, suggesting that such women are hypocrites. The most sexually motivated of
all sports fans, he said, are females, who gather in front of the TV screen solely to gawk at the
muscular thighs and lean hips of the "hunks."

Ad hominem (inconsistency).

6-24
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67. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Because of [Abraham] Lincoln’s policies the cemeteries of the nation were sown with 600,000
premature bodies, long turned to dust now, but in their time just as open to the promise of life as
any young draft dodger of the 1960s."
—From Tom Landess, "The Dark Side of Abraham Lincoln," The Southern Partisan

The reference to draft dodgers of the 1960s is an argument from outrage-an appeal to anger or
indignation.

68. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Revenge of the Nerds was really a funny movie. I know because I was a nerd myself, and that’s
really the way it was!

Plain vanilla fallacious reasoning of no particular category. There may be two independent reasons
here for seeing the movie, but neither of them supports the other. (Wonder what he means "was" a
nerd?)

69. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You can’t trust the arguments you find in that magazine. It’s well known as a right-wing apologist
for the wealthy.

Genetic fallacy. As noted in the text, arguments stand on their own feet; their origins are not
important.

6-25
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70. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"It says here that smoke from wood-burning stoves, no matter how airtight they’re supposed to be,
gets into your house and is a health hazard."
"No way. We just spent close to a thousand dollars on this new stove; what you’re reading can’t be
true."

Wishful thinking.

71. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

It isn’t so important how they’re made or how long they last or how much they cost. These are the
best jeans because they’re incredibly popular right now. Sometimes I think you just don’t
understand style.

Peer pressure, if the issue is whether the jeans are the best. There is also a danger of begging the
question here (the question of what criteria should be used to determine the best jeans). If the
issue is simply what jeans should you wear to be like everybody else, then of course there’s no
fallacy at all—and no real need for the remark in the first place. And it may be that, as the speaker
says, your authors just don’t understand style.

72. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You shouldn’t wear anything made of white harp seal fur. Do you know how they get that fur? Baby
harp seals, which are among the sweetest-looking creatures on earth, are clubbed to death right in
front of their mothers when they are just days or weeks old.

Appeal to pity.

6-26
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73. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Don’t give me reasons where feelings are concerned; I can’t be argued out of my feelings.

This interesting remark is more complex than it looks. It’s probably true that a person—at least
sometimes—can’t do much about his or her feelings. But this issue is different from the issues of
whether a person should act on those feelings and whether the feelings themselves are proper,
appropriate, based on fact, and so on. That a person has certain feelings, and may be stuck with
them, is irrelevant to the other two questions.

74. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

News report: The city council’s internal affairs committee voted to allow public access to the
city’s five creeks. But Councilwoman Shelly Harvard voiced strong opposition to the public access
requirement. "Why do we want to allow access to the creek?" she asked. "Are we going to turn this
into a town where anyone can walk across a person’s lawn?"

Straw man.

6-27
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75. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In a letter to the editor of a newspaper, a certified nutritionist criticized an editorial that had
appeared earlier in the paper advocating a ban on raw milk. He wrote, "You call for an ‘outright ban
on commercial sales’ of raw milk. Yet, by your own figures, you relate about 123 California cases of
Salmonella dublin [food poisoning], which represents a miniscule danger compared to the lives lost
by smoking cigarettes."
—Sacramento Bee

Ad hominem.

76. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Cheryl is deciding which of the girls who are rushing her sorority she wants most to join. Pearl and
Maria are trying to convince Cheryl that Debra is the best of the rushees and that Cheryl should
vote for Debra when the time comes.
"Debra has a wonderful personality, and she’ll fit right in," Pearl says. "All the other sisters are
going to vote for her."
"And she’ll be really hurt if you don’t support her," Maria points out. "She thinks you like her a
lot."
"Besides," Pearl says, "she and I are very close. She’s just about the best friend I ever had."

Argument from pity and apple polishing.

6-28
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77. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Did Amundsen beat Scott to the South Pole? Hardly, sir! ’Twould be disastrous indeed for the
Empire if we allowed ourselves to believe Norwegians with dogs could ever best red-blooded English
males!

Wishful thinking.

78. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"To the people who brought you ‘The Great American Smokeout,’ we make The Great American
Challenge. We challenge the American Cancer Society to clean up the air in its ‘smoke free’
offices. We are willing to bet there isn’t much cigarette smoking at American Cancer Society
offices. But, according to a recent study from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and
Health (NIOSH), cigarette smoke also wasn’t the problem in 98 percent of 203 buildings reported to
have indoor air problems.... Indoor air inspections resulting from worker complaints typically find
viruses, fungal spores, bacteria, gases, closed fresh air ducts, and ventilation systems in need of
maintenance."
—Full-page ad in USA Today, sponsored by the Tobacco Institute

A real, literal smokescreen! The Tobacco Institute is playing off reports of dangerous office
environments, but the ad is meant to divert attention away from the even greater dangers of
cigarette smoking. The ad may also hint that those who feel ill at the office should not blame the
smoker; but the "Smokeout" was directed to actual smokers.

6-29
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79. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Sure, driving after you’ve been drinking can get you into trouble with the law, but if you’re careful
and stay in control I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. What makes something like that
wrong is endangering others; so as long as you haven’t drunk enough to impair your control, you
aren’t doing anything wrong."

This is interesting. Regarding the issue of whether drinking and driving will get you into trouble with
the law, the whole thing is irrelevant—an irrelevant conclusion. But stating that driving after drinking
moderately is not wrong because it does not endanger others (and perhaps should not be against
the law) is an argument. Given that most or at least many people find it difficult to tell when
they’ve had too much to drink, it isn’t a very good argument.

80. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Marty: If we keep on the way we are going, we will destroy civilization on this planet.
Tracy: That’s so depressing. I think we need to think well of things.

Wishful thinking.

81. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I am absolutely sick of hearing about those L.A. police officers who committed all those crimes. It’s
time for the press to lay off and give law enforcement officers a break. There are a lot of very good
police officers out there, and they aren’t recognized nearly as often as they should be.

Irrelevant conclusion.

6-30
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82. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"There’s no reason to investigate something that never happened."


—Bush administration spokesman Marlin Fitzwater, when asked what he thought about an
investigation of charges that the 1980 Reagan campaign made a deal with Iran to delay release of
American hostages until after that year’s presidential election.

Begging the question.

83. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

[The state of Nevada has a law that allows water that is going unused in one part of the state to be
claimed by parties from another part of the state. Because of growth in Las Vegas, the law has
caused serious disputes over water.] "Look. We in Las Vegas aren’t trying to take water from
anybody else’s bathtub or kitchen faucet. The water we’re talking about out in rural Nevada will
either come to us and be put to good use, or it’ll simply go to waste."

False dilemma and straw man—water that isn’t "put to good use" by a city does not necessarily
"go to waste."

6-31
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84. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"A preliminary economic analysis suggests that federal government proposals to protect the
northern spotted owl will cost the Pacific Northwest about 40,000 jobs—and the effect on the
spotted owl population is pretty much unknown. But, hey, what do the livelihoods of 40,000 human
beings matter when the government is responding to pressure groups?"
—Orange County Register

This appeal is to indignation (argument from outrage).

85. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Overheard somewhere and paraphrased: "The statistics that show you are better off wearing a
seatbelt are completely flawed and can safely be ignored. Forcing people to use seatbelts, like
making motorcyclists wear helmets, is just one more case of Big Brother infringing on personal
liberty."

Irrelevant conclusion.

86. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

he: Well, things didn’t work out quite the way I wanted, but that’s the way life often is.
she: That’s not my philosophy. Your dreams will come true if you want them to, but you really have
to want them to.

Wishful thinking.

6-32
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87. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

City supervisor: Schools need support, yes, but, unfortunately, to balance the city budget we need
to reduce spending by around $13 million. Some of that reduction will have to come from the
schools.
City resident: I don’t see why. You supervisors should visit schools and talk to teachers. Teachers
already work sixty to seventy hours a week. When other people are home relaxing in front of their
TV set, Mr. and Mrs. Teacher are grading tests, attending meetings, or rearranging their classroom.
The next time you are out fishing or playing golf, think of teachers at home preparing for next
week’s classes. They work very hard for very little money and rarely get any recognition for the job
they’ve done.

Irrelevant conclusion. It could also be an argument from pity.

88. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Re: ‘New York taxes soak the poor.’ The article stated that a family of four with an income of
$11,000 pays over 14 percent of its income on state taxes. So what? The only way that could be
done is if they spent half their income on high tax items such as liquor and cigarettes and movies. I,
for one, won’t shed any tears."
—From a letter to the editor

Argument from outrage.

6-33
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89. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

When Lebanon and Syria signed a treaty on May 22, 1991, aimed at ending sixteen years of
Lebanese civil war, Israel stated that the treaty was tantamount to annexation of Lebanon. Syrian
President Hafez Assad responded, "It seems that the Israelis have found it beneficial to use the
treaty to cover up their rejection of peace [i.e., to cover up Israeli opposition to U.N. Security
Council resolutions calling for Israel to give up occupied Arab lands]. They want to create a cause
to talk about it, thinking they would thus divert the world’s attention from the ongoing efforts for
peace in the region."

Assad’s response is a smokescreen. What’s interesting is that his smokescreen amounts to calling
Israel’s statement a smokescreen.

90. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

What do I think about Scientology’s belief in reincarnation? I think Scientology is run by a high
school dropout who doesn’t know any science at all—except the science of fleecing people.

Personal attack ad hominem.

91. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

The article "Race and the Death Penalty" is just another liberal diatribe aimed at convincing people
that there is racial bias in capital punishment. The whole point of the so-called statistics it
mentions is to get people to be against the death penalty.

Genetic fallacy.

6-34
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92. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Did you ever notice how the people who favor abortion on demand are the same people who are
against the death penalty? How inconsistent can you get?

Inconsistency ad hominem.

93. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Speaker: In sum, despite the military’s claims for the accuracy of smart weapons, over 70 percent
of allied bombs missed their intended targets.
Person in audience: What’s your documentation? Can you prove that you are right about that?
Speaker: Can you prove I’m wrong?

Misplaced burden of proof.

94. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I wouldn’t pay too much attention to what you read there. Reader’s Digest is known for its right-
wing political bias.

Poisoning the well.

6-35
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95. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Pop, a new car may be expensive, but do you want me to drive around in this junk pile the rest of
my life?

False dilemma, straw man.

96. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I wouldn’t take a course from anyone in the Poly Sci department, if I were you. They are all anti-
U.S., ultraliberal types, at least that’s what I hear.

Poisoning the well.

97. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You know how some people against gun control say that making guns illegal won’t stop anyone who
wants one from getting one? Ever notice how the same people are usually against legalizing drugs
because they don’t want drugs made available? Funny how they think that law won’t work for guns
but will work for drugs.

Inconsistency ad hominem.

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98. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

One person, speaking to her friends before they attend a political fund-raising party: "Now listen,
folks, before we go into this party. You should be prepared to hear all kinds of flattery as they
butter you up before they try to pick your pockets. Remember, all they’re after is your money."

Poisoning the well. (Of course, there may be a wee grain of good advice in there, too.)

99. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Since the University of Virginia was founded by Thomas Jefferson, a slave-owner, we should be
very suspicious of the graduates of that university.

Genetic fallacy.

100. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In a letter to the editor describing those against staying in Iraq: "Liberals would love to think the
United States could make Iraq peaceful with the use of party favors and snack packs...."

Straw man.

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101. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In an ad for Michelin tires with a cute baby sitting by its tire: Michelin. Because so much is riding on
your tires.

A bit of "argument" from pity and scare tactics.

102. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I am confident that you will clearly recognize that I’m a superior instructor on your evaluation of
me. I’ve long known that you’re one of the most perceptive students I’ve ever had.

Apple polishing.

103. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Sure, I’ve been irritable today, but I actually did a good thing for Zanja when I told him he’s an
annoying person who always hangs around us like a leech. It’s not because I’m in a bad mood; I’m
actually doing him a kindness.

Irrelevant conclusion.

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104. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You’re worried that the very expensive diamond you want to purchase may not be worth the price,
and the salesperson says: "We know diamonds here and we’ve examined this one very carefully.
You can rest assured that it’s worth every penny."

Begging the question.

105. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You know that hiring me for this job is the right thing to do, Dennis. Just think how horrible you’ll
feel if you knew that you threw your best friend back onto unemployment.

Guilt trip.

106. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

She: We’d do well to get a Zenith. Their salesman told me they have the best repair record of any
brand on the market.
He: Well, forget that. He sells Zeniths, for crying out loud; of course he’d tell you they have the
best record.

Ad hominem, circumstantial.

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107. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Overheard: "There’s absolutely no point in asking a conservationist if toxic wastes are


contaminating Butte County well water. As a conservationist, of course he’ll say that they are."

Ad hominem, circumstantial.

108. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

From a letter to the editor: "The secretary of defense claims we cannot cut defense spending by so
much as a jot. Right. What the generals want, the generals get. What the secretary is, is just another
lawyer. It’s not what’s right that matters, it’s what you can get. No wonder his relations with
Congress are so poor."

Ad hominem, combined personal attack and circumstantial. Irrelevant conclusion.

109. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

In one of his columns, Mike Royko had a word or two to write about Sylvester Stallone. According
to Royko, after completing the movie Rambo: First Blood Part II, Stallone explained that it was an
attempt to secure some credit for Vietnam veterans. Royko quoted Stallone as saying, "The people
who pushed the wrong button all took a powder. The vets got the raw deal and were left holding the
bag. What Rambo is saying is that if they could fight again, it would be different."
Royko went on to observe that during the Vietnam War, when Stallone could have been a "real-life
Rambo," he spent his time first at American College of Switzerland "teaching rich girls how to
touch their toes" and then as a drama major at the University of Miami "improving his tan."

Ad hominem, personal attack and inconsistency.

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110. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

From a letter to the editor: The Times editorial headed ‘The Murder of Innocents’ deplored the
motive behind the Air India tragedy by posing the following question: ‘What possible reason could
there be for killing 329 innocents, so many of them children . . . ?’ The writer then urges Americans
never to accept some ‘maniacal logic’ that offers an excuse for such a heinous crime.
"Below this editorial followed a second, which urged the governor to strike from a family-planning
bill awaiting his signature a stipulation prohibiting state funding for any family-planning agency that
provides abortions, or incentives or referrals to obtain them."
"What an incongruous position—to condemn the murder of 80 innocent children in a plane over the
Atlantic, but to condone the murder of 4,000 children nationwide per day in the womb."
"Isn’t this the very same ‘maniacal logic’ that permits constant slaughter under the guise of
‘family planning,’ a euphemistic term to obscure another form of ‘murder of the innocents’?"

Ad hominem, inconsistency.

111. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Are you really going to believe her about librarians’ salaries not being excessive? I’ll have you know
she herself is a librarian, or don’t you think that matters?

Ad hominem, circumstantial.

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112. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Ann Landers did an informal survey on sex. Many people responded, some of them favorably, but a
lot unfavorably. In a follow-up column, she wrote, "Comments by Erica Jong, Andrew Greeley, Helen
Gurley Brown, Gay Talese, and Gloria Steinem showed insight and understanding. A few so-called
sex experts who called the survey ‘dangerous’ demonstrated incredible ignorance and missed the
point completely."

Ad hominem, personal attack. But this looks more than anything like a simple case of saying,
"Anybody who disagrees with me is wrong and an ignoramus."

113. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

A lot of senators are crabbing about everything the president does these days. But if you look at
the party those senators belong to, you’ll notice that nearly all of them are members of the
opposition party. So you can safely bet these criticisms are just partisan politics rather than the
kind of thing we should take seriously.

Ad hominem, circumstantial.

114. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

The ACLU? Yeah, I know about them, and I don’t like them very much. They’re the ones who
furnish free lawyers for criminals.

Begging the question.

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115. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Every event has a cause other than itself, since if it didn’t, it would have to have caused itself,
which is impossible.

Begging the question.

116. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

He: I believe everybody should be permitted to cheat.


She: That’s absolutely ridiculous.
He: Why do you say that?
She: Well, assume that everyone were permitted to cheat. To say they are permitted to cheat
means that it’s all right for them to cheat, right? And if it’s all right for them to cheat, then there’s
nothing wrong with cheating. But then, if there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing, they
wouldn’t be cheating. So your suggestion is absurd.

Begging the question.

117. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Opponents to Proposition 102 say that contact tracing will lead to ‘witch hunts.’ We say it’s time
to stop peddling such fear and panic."
—Rebuttal to argument against Proposition 102, 1988 California Ballot Pamphlet

Begging the question.

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118. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Reconstruction of a remark heard at a faculty meeting: "The quality of teaching performance


cannot be measured. No matter what administrators at campuses around the country might say,
teaching performance is simply not the kind of thing to which you can assign measurable variables
and then compare a bunch of numbers at the beginning of a course and again at its end. That isn’t
the way it works."

Begging the question.

119. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"We beat the prices of our competitors. We would not say this if it weren’t true."

Begging the question.

120. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Of course we should be able to go to the concert. Mom doesn’t want us to have any fun at
all! She treats us like babies. I’m fed up."

Straw man ("…no fun at all"); Appeal to emotion (outrage—"I’m fed up!" Petulance sounds
appropriate here too!).

121. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Honey, you are so understanding. Would you do the dishes this once?"

Appeal to emotion (apple polishing).

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122. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"It is essential that we arrive early. Shake a leg, or we will leave without you."

Appeal to emotion, scare tactics.

123. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Malamutes are difficult to train. Have you ever seen one that isn’t?"

Misplaced burden of proof.

124. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Outlawing hate speech—the latest bright idea from so-called progressives."

Ad hominem, genetic fallacy.

125. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Tell me this. If you aren’t losing your hearing, then how come you can’t hear so well. Well?"

Begging the question.

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126. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"C’mon, only conspiracy-theory nuts believe stuff like that."

Ad hominem, guilt by association.

127. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"You think drilling is less risky? I doubt it. That’s just oil industry propaganda."

Ad hominem, genetic fallacy.

128. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"The new Secretary of Defense says he’ll prosecute the war in the Middle East in accordance with
current American policy. But you realize, don’t you, that as soon as he got home from Vietnam he
began to criticize American policy there."

Ad hominem (inconsistency).

129. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Pryor’s diatribe against gun control is flat-out nonsense. He probably doesn’t believe that stuff
himself."

Ad hominem.

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130. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"When Keith installed a new windshield for me he spent the whole time listening to talk radio. If you
hire him, don’t pay attention to anything he says."

Ad hominem, poisoning the well.

131. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Gun control is pointless. We can’t stop every lunatic from getting his hand on a gun."

False dilemma (the perfectionist fallacy).

132. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Jasmine believes dogs think just like people, but just can’t talk. And that’s not her looniest idea
about dogs. I wouldn’t take seriously any advice she gave you about your pup’s health."

Ad hominem, poisoning the well.

133. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Buy now while supplies last!"

Scare tactics.

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134. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"The assemblyman came out against the Marijuana Legalization Initiative a couple of years ago.
Maybe he’s been reading the polls because now he’s all for it. He doesn’t convince me."

Ad hominem.

135. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"After Sara got back from Cuba she raved about the wonderful health care there. Spare me. I know
Sarah. She would praise a communist country even if people were dying in the streets."

Ad hominem.

136. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Nobody can prove that demons don't exist. Therefore, they exist."

Appeal to ignorance.

137. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"A trans-American oil pipeline would be great for the economy. People against it just want to make
it harder for us to drive big cars. They want to make us drive little tiny electric cars that don’t go
over 30 miles per hour and need to be charged up every night. Who wants that!"

Straw man, and irrelevant on other grounds—even if true, the remarks do not relate to how the
pipeline would effect the economy.

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138. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"And speaking of flip-flopping, our Secretary of State, Mr. Kerry, fought in the war in Vietnam, then
spoke out against it after he got home, and now he expects us to think his foreign policy makes
sense?"

Ad hominem.

139. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"I will reduce your mortgage payments by 25 percent. Take the offer while you can. It is a very good
deal. If you don’t, you can expect to hear from my friend, the sheriff."

Appeal to emotion, scare tactics.

140. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Don't you just love hearing somebody [Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City] who violated
New York City's term limit law to run for mayor a third time lecturing us on portion control? When it
came to the portions of terms he could serve, he was insatiable."
—Rush Limbaugh

Ad hominem.

141. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"That Ehrman fellow started off as a fairly fundamentalist religious person, but after all that
education and study, he finally wound up being an atheist. His opinions about the scriptures are not
the ones you want to listen to."

Ad hominem.

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142. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Do you think you might learn something about farming by watching the Amish? Come on! Those
th th
people are still living in the 19 century, or maybe the 18 ."

Ad hominem.

143. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

DEVELOPER: "They’re telling us to make changes to comply with the new water standards."
DEVELOPER’S PARTNER: "That’s nuts. We’ve already spent a ton of money on that place."

Irrelevant conclusion.

144. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Either we secure our borders, or illegals will be taking over the country. This, to me, is a no-
brainer."

False dilemma.

145. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Prof. Stooler assigned two extra paragraphs to read. Dude thinks we don’t have anything better to
do."

Ad hominem.

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146. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"You hear that idea at Tea Party conventions. I’m surprised you agree with it."

Ad hominem, guilt by association.

147. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Conservatism isn’t dead? Who says?"

Misplaced burden of proof.

148. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"The world will end on January 1. It has been written. People who don’t believe it will be left
behind."

Appeal to emotion, scare tactics.

149. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

First poll watcher: "The decision in Gore v. Bush in 2000 was that George W. Bush won the election
in Florida."
Second poll watcher: "But the question is whether that was a correct decision, given all the
problems of voting in Florida."
First poll watcher: "Like I said, the decision went for Bush, so that’s your answer."

Irrelevant conclusion.

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150. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"There can’t be anything worthwhile in this new operating system. Microsoft comes out with a new
OS every two years, it seems like."

Irrelevant conclusion.

151. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"This offer is good for a short time only!"

Appeal to emotion, scare tactics (You’ll miss out if you don’t act now!).

152. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Requiring restaurants to post calories will never get everyone to stop overeating. What a waste of
time."

The perfectionist fallacy.

153. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Forget those polls. They come from CBS."

Ad hominem, genetic fallacy.

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154. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Geoff thinks currency not backed by gold or silver is inherently worthless. But that can’t be right.
He’s just saying that because he invested everything he owns in gold and silver."

Ad hominem.

155. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"Move to Toronto? Why would anyone want to live on the North Pole?"

Straw man.

156. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"I hear jocks and fraternity types grumbling about the homework, but I expect more from you."

Appeal to emotion, apple polishing.

157. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"She is trustworthy; after all, she swears she is, and you can’t doubt that."

Begging the question.

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158. Identify any fallacies in the following passage taken from the text.

"Women should not be allowed in combat, because it is prohibited by the Defense Department."

Begging the question.

159. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"One professor to another: One of my students missed class because of illness. How could anyone
possibly think attendance is optional?"

Irrelevant conclusion.

160. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"You must make your choice. Either this man was and is the son of God; or else a madman and
something worse."
—C.S. Lewis

False dilemma.

161. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"To me, she doesn’t make any sense. She’s just another airhead trying to impress the guys."

Ad hominem.

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162. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"The Sims just have to do well in their new business. They’ve put everything they had into it, and
they absolutely must succeed or they’ll be ruined. I’m thinking they’ll do great work, and I’m
certainly going to throw my business their way."

Appeal to emotion, wishful thinking, and appeal to pity.

163. Identify any fallacies in the following passage.

"The secretary insists our missiles can shoot down theirs, but what else could he say? He’s got to
put people at ease."

Ad hominem.

164. Identify the type of fallacy in the following passage.

"Obamacare can’t be any good. To apply for benefits you have to fill out a 15-page form!"

Irrelevant conclusion.

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165. Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Greyhound reminds you that when you travel by car, you take chances, especially if you are
traveling alone. Anything can happen: dangerous thunderstorms [sound effect: thunder], engine
trouble [sound of car failing to start], blowouts [tire blowing out, car screeching to a stop]. Next
time [upbeat music] don’t take chances. It’s time to go Greyhound and leave the driving to us."
—Greyhound advertisement

This may look like scare tactics, but the points made are relevant to the claim that alternatives to
the automobile may be safer. Of course it doesn’t follow that Greyhound is the best alternative.

166.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"You're the best wife in the world. Could you cook something special tonight?"

Apple polishing.

167.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

You should give Arthur the job. He just lost his wife last week; he needs this job.

Appeal to pity. Irrelevant conclusion.

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168.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I really want to be the next President of the United States. I know that I will be.

Wishful thinking.

169.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Why should I tell him that his car is parked in a tow-away zone? You think he would do the same for
me?

Two wrongs make a right.

170.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

We are the oldest company in the automobile servicing industry. Therefore, we are the best.

Irrelevant conclusion.

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171.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Obviously he didn't cheat on the test. He never cheats.

Begging the question.

172.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

Nobody saw her stealing the car. Therefore, she didn't steal the car.

Appeal to ignorance.

173.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

She is guilty of the crime. Can you prove that she isn't?

Misplacing the burden of proof.

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174.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

I wouldn't take her speech on freedom and liberty seriously. She restricts her own children from
eating outside.

Ad hominem. Poisoning the well.

175.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Studying economics and finance in college does not make you rich. I don't see any point studying it
at all."

Perfectionist fallacy.

176.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"He is the best soccer player in the world. He can run faster than anyone else."

Irrelevant conclusion.

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177.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"We either eliminate Social Security or the country will go bankrupt. Therefore, we must eliminate
Social Security."

False dilemma.

178.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"You can’t say exactly when a videogame is too violent; therefore, no videogame is too violent."

Line-drawing fallacy.

179.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"You really should get a Prudential life insurance policy. What would happen to your spouse and
children if you die? Remember, you are their main source of income. Would they be forced to
move?"

Scare tactics.

6-60
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McGraw-Hill Education.
180.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"This new Honda gets better mileage than any other car in its class. After all, Honda has completely
redesigned the engine."

Irrelevant conclusion.

181.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Don't believe his arguments about the dangers of smoking tobacco. I saw him smoking just last
week."

Ad hominem.

182.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Burger King prices are a rip-off! I can get much better food at Subway!"

Irrelevant conclusion.

6-61
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McGraw-Hill Education.
183.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Public restrooms are so unhygienic. Can you prove otherwise?"

Misplacing the burden of proof.

184.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Either go to school today or remain unemployed for the rest of your life!"

Scare tactics. The perfectionist fallacy.

185.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"That's absurd! Sounds like something a bureaucrat would say!"

Guilt by association.

6-62
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McGraw-Hill Education.
Test Bank for Critical Thinking 12th Edition

186.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"Of course, watching television for too long causes brain damage. Can you prove that it doesn't?"

Misplacing the burden of proof.

187.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"I don't buy his ideas on climate change. I haven't seen him drive a hybrid car!"

Ad hominem. Irrelevant conclusion.

188.
Identify any fallacies in the following passage either by naming them or, where they seem not to
conform to any of the patterns described in the text, by giving a brief explanation of why the
fallacious reasoning is irrelevant to the point at issue.

"If you don't support women empowerment, then you are a male chauvinist who hates women!"

False dilemma.

6-63
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McGraw-Hill Education.

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Another random document with
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Before the baby was two days old Mrs. Joseph was with us,
accompanied by her sister, the kind and friendly aunt at whose
house we were married. I was still a beardless youth when our First
Beloved arrived. Persistent shaving had failed to raise any manly
growth of hair upon my face. I have learned since that a hairless face
is really a blessing. Mrs. Joseph did not thaw to me very much, but
she was condescendingly kind, and took more interest in the baby
and our affairs than might have been expected. She was always a
kill-joy to me in those days. She seemed to carry more dignity than
was necessary for a mere woman. In her presence even the new
baby seemed but a poor achievement. She did not use a lorgnette,
which is much to her credit. She was just the kind of person who
might daintily and grandly gaze on a baby through a lorgnette, and
exclaim, “How perfectly ridiculous.” Her departure was a distinct
relief to us. Muriel’s aunt remained with us, a welcome guest, for
several weeks.
At this time Muriel and I weighed jointly very little over two hundred
pounds. We both grew after marriage, in weight and in stature. Even
the shapes of our heads altered. My health improved steadily, until I
was nearly robust. I still succumbed easily to fatigue, and suffered
from a weak digestion, but nevertheless enjoyed fair health. I was
fortunate in having a proud stomach which resented ill-usage; for it
helped to teach me my physical limitations. If these matters are
alluded to, and I note a detail like perfect hearing in my left ear, while
the right one remained a typical scarlet fever ear—source of anxiety
and trouble—it is because they serve to show how seriously
handicapped I was for the work I had before me.
My affairs were by this time prosperous in a modest way, but I did
not realise it. Over and above my salary, which covered our actual
needs, I enjoyed an income from a small general store from which
the mill hands were provided with the rough necessaries of life. It
was a cash business, and brought me in a small profit. My men were
my only customers.
I can hardly say that I was quite happy during this period of my life.
The numerous small things to which I had to attend worried me. I
was gaining valuable experience, but at a high price in nervous
waste. I was careless and extravagant in money matters, and Muriel
was not the one to correct these failings. I was impatient, and
expected results when other men would be content to plod and wait.
When our baby was several weeks old, and Muriel was up and well, I
saw that the novelty of our life had worn off for her. She craved for
the city, and she wanted, a very natural desire, to show her baby. We
were in our busy season, the mill running night and day; it was hard
for me to leave my post, while I did not wish Muriel to go to Montreal
alone. This led to many discussions between us. We were young,
and had not learned that matters of disagreement between two
people could be easily settled without heat. We were not patient with
each other, so that Muriel went to Montreal with her baby, leaving me
in a sulky mood. This was not a serious breach; it was only a tiff, but
I felt very much ill-used.
It is very pleasant no doubt to hear married couples tell of the
many years they have passed together without a single cross word
being spoken; and in a few cases the fond reminiscence may be
true. But our married life, particularly the early part of it, was stormy.
Most of the storms were necessary, inevitable, and led to better
understanding between Muriel and me. For the most part we were
generous with each other, and ever ready when a storm was over to
take our fair share of blame and admit evident error. I regret no part
of these experiences except when through whim, jealousy, or
crustiness born of bad health, I did my wife an injustice. The
monotony of a long married life, without one quarrel or
disagreement, is something I do not pretend to understand, unless
among a wooden humanity unknown to my experience. People who
do not quarrel do not know the exquisite pleasure of making up, and
coming thereby to a better understanding; they do not acquire the art
of giving way gracefully and gallantly, or taste the gratification of
making it plain that you were right after all.
During the six months following the birth of our First Beloved,
Muriel spent a good deal of her time in Montreal, running away on
the slightest provocation, and being followed by me and brought
back again. This did not reduce our expenses, which were beginning
to press heavily upon our income. She was tired of the mill, and
persevered in her complaints against it, until she persuaded me to
believe that it was not a fit place in which to live; that it offered no
outlook for the future, and that I could do much better in the city.
Whether she was right or wrong in this it is impossible to state.
Having taken one course in life, who can tell where another would
have led?
My father was at all times decidedly promiscuous in his business
ventures. As he grew older he became still more adventurous, taking
chances on all kinds of things. He was always involved in several
business undertakings outside his legitimate line, making much
money in some ventures, losing much in others. In my sketch of his
character I have, perhaps, been hardly fair to him, not from any
deliberate unfairness, but from a lack of understanding of his
peculiar, erratic temperament. I must say of him that he lived
according to his light, and was always ready to be of use to me in the
years of my apprenticeship to life, always showing a great and deep
love, more by deeds than words. His hand was always ready to pull
me out of the many financial holes into which I had a happy faculty of
getting, and I believe he understood me better than I understood
myself.
Approaching him relative to the question of my leaving the mill, I
was surprised but glad to find that he was not opposed to the idea; in
fact he was quite willing that I should come to Montreal. This was, no
doubt, accounted for by his having a new sphere for my usefulness
in sight. He was largely involved at the time in a cartage business, to
which he could give no personal attention. Arrangements were soon
made, and we moved our home from the mill to Montreal. I left the
mill with deep regret.
I now took up the duty of watching my father’s interests in the
cartage business, and I found it no easy task. I was tied to drivers,
horses and waggons hand and foot, by night and day. This business
failed at the end of about a year and a half, for reasons which need
not be discussed. While I was busy with the work of moving freight
and sundries of every kind, from a five-cent parcel to a piano, our
Second Beloved arrived, and the good and great Doctor passed out.
He had been fighting a cirrhotic liver for over a year, but had
undertaken its cure too late. Hard mental work, want of outdoor
exercise plus high living wore him out before his time; so that he died
at the early age of sixty. I had seen a good deal of him latterly, and
his death was a great blow to me in every way. He had been a tower
of strength to his own family, to a large circle beyond the family, and
even to the country at large. It appears that families grow up and
multiply till they attain their fullest development in the person of one
great man, who dominates or largely influences his time and holds
things together by the strength of his personality. He dies and the
family dissolves and disperses into various commonplace paths. In
altered spheres the family units lose distinction.
After the failure of the cartage business, I found that I owed more
money than I could pay, and in this condition I remained on and off
for a number of years. Any fool can get into debt; it takes a wise man
to get out of it.
Our second baby, who was born shortly before the death of Doctor
Joseph, was a boy, and differed greatly from our First Beloved, who
was dark, quiet, and sorrowful looking. The boy was fair, boisterous
and gay.
Through the influence of the Doctor’s name I immediately secured
another position. I became English clerk in the Criminal Investigation
Office, and remained in this post for over a year, learning many
things about human nature in general and the seamy side of life in
particular. My salary was not princely, and as our Third Beloved
arrived during this year, my expenses were out of proportion to my
income. Nearly any one can marry, raise a family and provide for it in
one way or another, if nothing matters but that its members be fed,
clothed and sheltered in simple form. But when one must provide up
to a certain standard, and do it in a certain way set by family and
social conditions, it is not quite so easy. You cannot do this or that
because it would humiliate the family. You cannot do another thing
because it would horrify the neighbours. The children must have
such and such things, and a certain scale of appearances must be
kept up at any cost.
There is only one sensible, safe and sane point from which to start
anything, and that is at the beginning. It is not to be wondered at that
men rise to eminence from nothing. They rise because they start
from the beginning, free and without handicap. They are so far below
that particularly nice line called “respectability” that no one knows or
cares what they do to gain their ends, and they are not noticed until
they arrive. Whereas the man who starts from where his parents left
off—from the middle, or a little above or below the middle—must find
his way without the valuable experience he would gain by making his
own start, and all his actions must be adjusted to the social position
of his family. Every one, no matter what his calling, can be a
gentleman in his heart; but every one cannot afford to be outwardly a
gentleman and a man of the world, fully equipped.
Doctor Joseph’s affairs were found in very indifferent shape. His
estate wound up to a sum very inadequate for continuing the style of
living his family had been enjoying. His big house, horses, library
and nearly everything had to be sold, and a modest form of living
adopted by Mrs. Joseph. This was a great blow to her, but she bore
it well, without complaint or any doubt as to the judgment of her dead
husband. Two of her sons, still in their teens, went to work in
positions found for them by good friends. As far as the sons were
concerned, this turned out to be the best thing that could have
happened; but Mrs. Joseph, of course, suffered in social prestige.
The sons being too young to take charge of their mother’s affairs,
these were put into the hands of one male relative, then of another.
Thanks to their muddling and incompetence, in a few years she was
reduced presently to little more than the salaries of her boys, who
managed to support her and the younger children in a modest way.

FOOTNOTES:
[1] A promissory note.
CHAPTER XII

In the midst of the disorganisation caused by the death of the Doctor,


I took the Western fever, which was prevalent at the time. Every one
saw the promised land in the West. I packed my furniture, gathered
my wife and children under my wing, and rode away to Minnesota,
where one of Muriel’s cousins, according to his own account, was
doing great things. Minnesota was inflated at this time to bursting
point, and produced more liars than any State in the Union. I did not
find a gold mine in the West, or make a fortune out of the real estate
boom then at its height. For fifteen months I held a position as
general utility man in an architect’s office, made tracings of drawings,
kept books, wrote letters and even took my employer’s wife out
driving. I found that in the West an employee was expected to make
himself useful in any capacity in which his employer saw fit to use
him, and I adapted myself to the conditions, but I did not like
Minnesota, and found it a hard place to live in, and by no means
richer in opportunities than the East. Perhaps I did not know an
opportunity when I saw one.
When the bottom fell out of the real estate boom, I felt it was time
to return to my native city. Muriel would have had me return much
sooner, but a move of a thousand miles was a thing too serious to do
in a hurry. We had some pretty decent belongings in the matter of
jewellery when we went West. We were willing and glad to part with
these baubles to procure our return to Montreal. Home looked better
than gold and precious stones. In fact we were both heartily home-
sick.
Although I acted in numerous capacities for my Western employer,
and apparently satisfied him with my efforts, my salary was small. In
order to live I gave my evenings to gathering the improvident into the
fold of the Western Insurance Company. Sometimes I did very well at
this, and what I learned of insurance was afterwards useful. When
the boom broke the insurance harvest disappeared. This was one of
the reasons for my return home. I was not cut out for an insurance
man. I hated opening up my pack and displaying my wares to
people. Yet I made some little success in insurance, as long as my
list of friends and acquaintances lasted. Approaching strangers was
very distasteful to me.
I persevered in the insurance business after I returned home, and
for three years lived upon the precarious commissions made upon
the street, with my office in my hat, mainly; sometimes a friend would
lend me desk-room in one corner of his place of business. A year
after our coming home our Fourth Beloved was added to us.
What course in life I was suited to follow I could not see. I was like
a ship without compass or instruments, with no set course, but
drifting this way and that, according to wind and weather. If I had
thoroughly understood what my calling was in life, I might not have
found it possible to follow it, for I had to go after the immediate dollar.
Certainly I was quite unsuited for those activities ordinarily referred
to as “business,” and I have yet to learn that I have any special
aptitude in any particular direction.
I had always flattered myself that want of mental balance was not
one of my failings. I had made the common every-day mistakes of
youth and inexperience, but had an exalted idea of my wisdom, until
I had a streak of luck. I wrote one of Montreal’s wealthy men for a
policy of fifty thousand dollars, and as a consequence went
completely off my head. Commissions on life insurance were very
high when I was young; in fact, the insurance company received very
little of the first year’s premium. The agent got the better part of it.
To be a gambler within reason is nothing very uncommon or very
dreadful. In one form or another the gambling spirit is nearly
universal. Business is permeated with it. It looks as if it were a
normal instinct. The gambling fever overcame me like a disease. It
ran in my blood and dominated my mind. I dreamed schemes and
systems and planned coups. That I ever returned to my natural self
is a marvel for which I am exceedingly thankful.
My initiation came through the slim and insidious ten-dollar chance
in a bucket shop. The possession of what to me was a large amount
of money—my commission on a fifty thousand dollar life policy—
must have gone to my head. I did not become a gambler in one day
or one week, but gradually became more feverish and daring, until I
graduated as a plunger and a better in every form of chance. I tried
them all—horse-racing, athletic events, roulette, faro, poker and
even craps. As often happens with tyros, I was fortunate to begin
with. But I became useless as a citizen, as a father and husband,
made Muriel thoroughly miserable, and did not increase my own
happiness or satisfaction with life. But, strange to say, I made money.
The more we love, and are loved, the more power we have to
aggravate those who love us.
In seventeen months my commission of twelve hundred dollars
had grown to the wonderful sum of twenty-one thousand dollars.
During that time I had many nerve-racking ups and downs, but blind
chance favoured me, and I prospered financially. I lost in nearly
every other direction. I became known as a gambler, but not as what
is understood as a sport, for I never drank, or mixed with fast society.
Unless you have been a gambler and a regular frequenter of
gambling places, you have no idea of the extraordinary-looking
people who seem to have money to risk on the turn of a card or a
wheel. Men who appear to be gentlemen are rare in the gambling
crowd. It is not the people who dress well and keep up appearances
who have the bulk of the money floating about in such company; but
the shabby people who care more for money than appearances. I
have seen thousands of dollars change hands amidst a shabby
unkempt crowd, who looked as if one could buy them and their
belongings for five or ten dollars a head; and all in quietness and
calm without a murmur. Nothing is despised so much among the
gambling fraternity as one who bawls, weeps or babbles.
The families interested in my life now besieged me with
importunities to be good. Not that they were so truly interested in my
soul, but they wished to see something saved out of the large sum of
money I had accumulated. They did not know exactly how much I
was worth, but they knew, by some means or other that is was a
large amount, and implored me to be wise, and tie up at least half of
it in such a way that I could not lay careless hands upon it. Their
prayers were useless. I could not be moved. I thought I knew exactly
what I was about, and advice only annoyed me. I fully intended and
expected to win a million, if not more. My fall came soon and
suddenly. The “Pyramid,” like nearly all inventions of the Devil, is
very successful when not a failure and very disastrous when not a
success. It was the main cause of my financial crash. This scheme is
as old as perdition, but many have no knowledge of its peculiarities,
and only a gambler knows the power of its fascination. I attempted a
pyramid in wheat, buying a modest ten thousand bushels on margin.
The market went down and I remargined my original ten thousand
bushels and bought twenty thousand bushels more. Again the
market dropped, I remargined my holdings and bought forty
thousand bushels more and so on while the market continued to fall,
until I held over a million bushels. If the market had recovered even a
few cents, my average price was so low that I would have been able
to get out with a small loss or a small profit; but the market was
against me and I was wiped out. Not only did I lose my all, but I was
involved deeply beyond.
When I look back at the gambling period of my life it seems
impossible that I went through such an experience and regained my
equilibrium. For over a year my days were spent in bucket shops and
brokers’ offices, and my nights, often till dawn, at the poker or
roulette table, with faro as a relaxation. How I stood the nervous
waste is a mystery, for during the whole of that period my perceptive
faculties were on the alert day and night, an honest night’s sleep was
a thing unknown to me. A loss which to-day would put me in a sick
bed for a week was in those days a laughable incident. One day I
took Muriel to the race track at Belair. We lunched in the city and I
bought her a pair of gloves. I had four hundred and fifty dollars in my
pocket. On my return, Muriel’s gloves were all there was to show for
my money, and we laughed at the joke of it. Many of the bookmakers
were my friends, but they separated me from my money with the
best heart in the world.
In my earlier pages I have said things uncomplimentary to
parsons, but there are parsons and parsons. For the sake of the help
and sympathy I received from one dear soul, I offer prayers for all
parsons, pastors and masters.
One of the day-schools I went to for a brief while as a youngster
was that of the Reverend Edmund—“Daddy” we called him. Dear old
Daddy he was to every boy who ever knew him. To say that Daddy
was good is to say nothing of him. He was good in a wise, broad
way, which is very uncommon. So many people become inhuman
and small when they become good. Daddy was both good and
human. There is no use in being good, virtuous and honourable, if
you have no heart and lack the sympathetic understanding of
badness. Daddy understood all things both good and bad. He knew
humanity as it really is; only himself he did not know; for he
underestimated his own goodness and greatness. He was a curious
mixture of childlike generosity and worldly knowingness, with a
whimsical wit and a convincing smile.
After I grew up I used to visit him at very irregular intervals, to
confess and give him news of myself. Years would sometimes pass
between these visits, but I was always received as if I were still a
boy, and expected. When ruin, mental, moral and financial, stared
me in the face, I quite naturally turned to Daddy, knowing that he
would understand, and show me the right way, if there was a way,
out of my difficulties.
After a horrible night spent staring into darkness, cursing myself as
a blind fool, and turning my position over and over in my mind, I rose
early and made a morning call upon the dear old man. He saw me at
once, although it was Sunday. I told him all the tale of my folly and
recklessness, and where I had landed myself. I was absolutely frank
with him, as I had always been. I felt relieved and hopeful, although
my affairs were desperate, and I had no idea where I was to secure
the money I required by Monday morning’s bank hour. While I told
my tale the dear old man sat silent, in a big high-backed chair, his
hands in his lap, his eyes half-closed, and his mouth tight shut. In his
long shabby cassock buttoned down the front with numerous small
black buttons, he was the picture of one of the old ascetics. When I
had finished, his looks were stern, but I knew his soft heart, and
could feel his sympathy, although he did not speak for over a minute.
“Ah, my son,” at last he said, “you should have known that you
could not play that game, and I am really glad you have failed; there
is nothing in that game but ashes in the mouth. Your failure is a
greater gain than your success would have been. Now listen to me.
How long is it since you have seen Sir John?”
“Sir John?” I asked in astonishment. (Sir John was my godfather.)
When I was christened in old Trinity Church, he had stood for me, as
the saying is. He was plain John at the time, and comparatively poor.
While I was growing up from babyhood to childhood he was making
money. As I grew from childhood to manhood he was making more
money. While I was marrying and learning to be a father and a
husband, he was still making money and being honoured by the
Queen for his many philanthropies, which represented millions given
to educational and public-spirited enterprises. I knew him as a
peculiarly hard old bachelor, with a stony face which had a very
chilling effect upon me. He was not of my kind in any way, shape or
form. I was a fool. He was a wise man; and when Daddy asked me,
“When did you last see Sir John?” the question seemed utterly
inapropos.
“Why do you mention him?” I asked. “I could never go to him.”
“Yes, you could,” said Daddy, “and you must. He will help you if I
say so.”
“You know him, Daddy?” I asked, surprised. “How do you come to
know him?”
“Know him, my son, of course I know him. He is one of my best
friends,” replied Daddy.
“That is most amazing, Daddy. How can it be? Sir John a friend of
yours! He is so different from you, I cannot think of you together. He
is a business man, a millionaire, and moreover an unbeliever. What
can you and he be to each other?”
“Strange it may be,” said Daddy, “but it is even so. We are
different, very different, but we understand each other, and there is
much in common between us. He understands the things that make
up my life, and I understand the things that constitute life for him.”
What common ground there could possibly be between these two I
did not understand. Daddy I admired and loved, while for Sir John I
had no feelings of any kind. I never felt that I even knew him. He and
I lived on different planes and spoke different languages. The few
times that I had met him after I had grown up had shown me that. It
seems most strange that this man had played with me in my
babyhood, danced me on his knee, and made card houses on the
floor with me. It was much against the grain for me to go to his house
on Sunday morning, and present him with a letter from Daddy; but I
had to go, if only to show Daddy that I appreciated his attempt to
help me. I felt sure I was going on a hopeless errand.
After my talk with Daddy I went to Sir John’s house, which was not
far from the one in which I had been married. I sent up my card and
Daddy’s letter, and waited some minutes in a severely chaste and
cheerless drawing-room, until Sir John appeared.
“Well, John,” he said, as he entered noiselessly, “I hear you are in
trouble.” And he sat down on one of the stiff-backed chairs near the
door without approaching me, offering his hand or asking me to be
seated.
“Yes, Sir John, I am in deep trouble,” I said, and remained
standing.
“Humph,” said the old chap. All his words fell from his lips in cold,
sharp, even tones. “Well, boy, tell me about it briefly,” he continued,
and his mouth closed like a steel trap.
I tried to tell him my position, and how I had come to be placed as
I was. He listened, and his attitude was that of an old, tired judge,
who hears for the thousandth time the tale of a man self-accused by
his own weak self-exculpations. When I had finished he spoke.
“How much will it take to put you on an even keel once more?” he
asked.
“About three thousand five hundred dollars, Sir John,” I replied.
“About?” he said. “About, about?” repeating the objectionable
word. “Is that the way you do business? Can you not tell me to a
cent how you stand?”
“Yes, I can,” I was glad to say; “I can make it up to a cent from my
books.”
“Oh, you keep books? That looks better.”
“Yes, Sir John. I have always kept books,” I said, and my inward
thought was, “Thank God.”
“They must be interesting,” he said, and the shadow of a smile
hovered for an instant about the corners of his mouth, and showed in
his keen eye. “Bring your books to me to-morrow morning at 8.30, at
my office. Good morning!” And he coolly turned and walked upstairs,
leaving me to find my way out alone.
CHAPTER XIII

It may seem strange that a man of my character should keep books


of account. But the habit of keeping a financial memoranda had been
formed when I was very young; in my first pocket-money days, in
fact. Father gave me money at irregular intervals, and allowed me to
earn small sums, but he never made me a regular allowance of
pocket-money at any time. When I asked him for money, he always
asked me what had become of the last money I had owned, and
failure to give a satisfactory account would cut off supply for a few
days. Then again, even as a small boy, I had always spent several
weeks of my summer holidays in father’s office, where I passed my
time with the head book-keeper, who, when not too busy, was a
kindly man, willing to satisfy my curiosity about the huge books he
kept; so that before I went to college, I had a working idea of the art
of keeping accounts. After Mason left the mill, the simple book-
keeping devolved on me, and I kept separate books for my little
general store. In this way, I formed a habit of keeping track of where
money went.
Leaving Sir John’s house I went home and prepared a simple and
straightforward statement of my affairs. It was not much of a task, for
I had systematically kept a record of everything, including house
expenses and all transactions in detail. My accounts could have
stood an audit. By them I knew how very unpromising was the
outlook. The statement was not much to my credit. It wrote me down
a fool in capital letters, but I could not afford to humbug myself, and
much less could I dare keep back any facts from Sir John.
After the work on my statement of affairs was done, I passed a
most miserable and anxious afternoon and evening. I could not talk
to Muriel, for I knew I could only speak of one subject, which I could
not hope to make her understand. She had been very much of a help
and comfort to me in a hundred ways, in fact in every way except on
the financial side of our common affairs. She was not born with a
mathematical mind. Figures only annoyed her and were never
understood. She was one of those women who count their change
from a purchase by the crude assistance of ten fingers. I had made
one or two very expensive experiments in attempts to make her a
business woman, by giving her a limited credit with a dry goods
store. Nothing can be done in this direction with a woman who
believes that the difference between one hundred dollars and two
hundred dollars is a small affair. In this she was Mrs. Joseph’s
counterpart. Mrs. Joseph put disagreeable financial facts away from
her, with a wave of her well-shaped hand, saying, “Don’t bother me
about them; what do I know about such things?” Muriel,
consequently, was of little or no help to me in my financial crisis.
Some men habitually tell their money matters to their wives, and get
sound advice and much comfort. I never did. Muriel knew, of course,
that I was in difficulties, but she was not much disturbed. She
believed in luck and felt that everything would come out all right in
the end. She was a fatalist where money was concerned, and had
implicit faith in my destiny.
Sir John’s office was like himself—cold, cheerless, austere and
old-fashioned. It was in a very old building which had once been a
private house in St. James Street, now given up entirely to business.
The street was narrow, dirty, ill-paved and noisy. A narrow door
opening upon a narrow, steep, and dark staircase led to the offices
which were above a tobacconist’s shop. On a little skylight over the
door were two words in plain black letters, John Duff, without
explanation or embellishment; no word to say that he was a
manufacturer, or what he manufactured. How such a man as John
Duff ever came to accept the decoration of “Sir” is one of the
mysteries of human nature.
At the top of the stairway you found yourself in what had once
been a highly respectable house. The rooms were low, the windows
small, and the floors well worn. Evidently no attempt had been made
to make the place attractive or to disguise its bareness. Everything
said as plainly as could be that the man who spent days in such a
place had never dreamed that every-day things could or should be
made beautiful.
Walking up the stairs, I found myself in the front room, where a
long gaunt spectre stood at an old-fashioned desk, looking as if he
had stood there for at least one hundred years. The spectre was the
guardian of Sir John’s privacy. He is now dead and is no doubt a
ghost, which can make but little difference to him. He spoke in a low
voice, as if in fear of waking a very sick woman. He glided towards
me as I stood at the rail between him and me, and whispered,
“Good-morning, Mr. Wesblock. You have an engagement with Sir
John.”
I bade the spectre “Good-morning,” and said that I was expected
by Sir John.
Thereupon, with a murmured acquiescence, he disappeared into
an adjoining room. Presently he returned as he had gone, walking as
if he had tender feet; and I was shown into Sir John’s presence.
Sir John sat like a graven image at his pre-Victorian desk.
“Good-morning, Sir John,” I said, making a failure of an attempt to
be cheerful and hopeful in my tone.
“John,” he said, without returning my greeting, “I have decided to
help you.”
“Thank you, Sir John,” I said, and would have said more, but he
interrupted me.
“You have your books with you. Allow me to see them.”
I put my books, two in number, before him, brought my statement
to his notice and sat down without being asked. Sir John perused my
documents for a long time; it seemed about ten minutes. While he
studied he tapped the desk with his fingers and emitted from his
inwardness several short grunts, full of meaning.
“I cannot make an empty sack stand up,” he said at last.
“No, Sir John, you cannot,” I replied, “but you can fill an empty
sack, and allow it to stand up itself.”
“Umph,” said Sir John, rising; “you will excuse me, John, for a few
minutes,” and he left the room closing the door behind him.
I sat alone in patience for the best part of fifteen minutes, at the
end of which period the old gentleman returned with some money in
his hand. He sat down at his desk and counted it, then pushing the
bundle towards me, said: “There is the amount you require. Try and
be more wise hereafter. I bid you good-morning.” I took the money,
which was the exact amount showing on the wrong side of my
statement, and rose to go.
“Thank you, Sir John,” I said, “to-day you have saved a man,” and
I offered him my hand. He took it and held it while he spoke, and I
was surprised to feel a kindly pressure. “Don’t thank me,” he said,
“thank Parson Edmund. I do not know that we are wise in helping
you. It were perhaps better to have let you save yourself, as every
man must who will be saved. We shall see. Good-bye.” And he sat
down at his desk and prepared to write. I stammered something and
stumbled awkwardly out of his office, after having had the longest
interview I ever had with my millionaire godfather.
I am convinced that the Sir John I saw with what appeared to me
cold, hard and precise ways, was not the real Sir John. The real one
had a soft heart and emotions easily moved, and had merely
adopted the air of coldness to protect himself. He had done it for so
long that it had become at last a part of him. But he must be sorry at
times for himself and for others, when he pauses to look round. He
has lived the typical life of an old bachelor of large means, bullied
and protected by his housekeeper, who has been with him for many
years. Possibly he is in the main contented with what he has done
with his life. The point of view makes all the difference; yet,
considering our two human predicaments, I, John H. Wesblock,
would not be Sir John Duff if I could. This brings me to say that Sir
John would not have assisted me, I feel certain, had not Daddy
Edmund intervened. The world points to people with money as
successful men, and money becomes boastful, and arrogates to
itself powers of judgment it does not possess. I have known several
millionaires and many wealthy men who were not quite millionaires,
and with few exceptions, they were crudities. Not one of them had
one attribute I would have been glad to possess, except perhaps
perseverance and acquisitiveness. Their outlook was narrow, their
mental powers were quite ordinary, and they were without charm of
personality. Sir John was a common type; he lived a cold, cheerless
life without the warmth of friendship or love. Hundreds of people
have kind thoughts of Daddy Edmund, and when his name comes up
in conversation he is mentioned with affection. I have often heard
people say, “Dear old Daddy!” but I never heard a dead millionaire
thus spoken of. I would rather have ten people remember me as
“dear old Wesblock” than have a million remember me by the
amount of money I left behind me.
I paid all my creditors, even those who would have been willing to
wait; for Sir John had to scrutinise my vouchers. In consequence I
was left high and dry without a cent with which to bless myself after
my affairs were settled, and I was on what Sir John termed “an even
keel!” A living had to be made, and as my father was no longer in a
position to make situations to order for me, I was forced to do all
sorts of things as they came to my hand. I became a kind of broker
or financial guttersnipe, selling anything that would pay a
commission, assisting in audits and filling temporary positions in
various capacities. It was a hard and very precarious life, but I was
free, and called no man “master.” This I considered as no small
advantage, for as yet I was only partly broken and had not learned to
serve. As to life insurance, I would not touch it. Even when
successful, I had always disliked it. I found, of course, that my
gambling exploits did not help me in securing a permanent position. I
was not considered a safe man.
People whom the good world considers disreputable have a
wonderfully human way of hanging together and helping each other.
I noticed this phenomenon more and more in following the wrong
road; and it is to be met with further down, right into the under-world.
Even those who are not frankly disreputable, but wear a mask of
respectability, behind which they enjoy some loved vice, like
gambling, consider themselves under obligations to the hapless
fraternity, and are ready with a helping hand. I had a large
acquaintance among this class. Lawyers, bankers, merchants,
railroad men and politicians were among them, and they were very
useful to me.
There are many kinds of poverty, and several roads lead to its
diminishing degrees. Some roads are short: a quick, sharp slide on a
slippery surface and there you are, suddenly destitute, without
means or friends. There is no fight; you simply take the toboggan
slide, and are almost instantly at the bottom among the unlucky, the
shiftless and the degenerate. On other roads the grade is so gentle
you hardly recognise your downward progress. The road I took was
one of the slow ones, where you fight every inch of the way, the
struggle being so strenuous sometimes that you believe you are
making progress forward, while you are in effect slipping gradually
backward, down, down, into the bog, which clogs your every energy,
until you don’t care, and the final collapse is welcome. One day you
awaken to some painful little fact, which enlightens you as to the
direction you have been travelling. The weather may be cold and
wet, there are several inches of slush on the sidewalks, and damp
snow is falling. You find you have only one pair of boots fit to wear,
and they are very thin in the sole, and you have no rubbers. You
have much walking to do to secure some paltry sum to satisfy urgent
necessities. It seems to you that only a little while ago you had
several pairs of boots. Now you have but one pair. There is food in
the pantry and coal in the cellar. Things are not exactly desperate;
but you have only one pair of boots, no rubbers, and no money to
buy them. That sets you thinking over your whole predicament, and
you discover that you have gone to seed and are shabby. Your
wardrobe is but the shadow of its former self; those things which are
still good in it are too good, and would look ridiculous if you wore
them.
Perhaps on the very day following the one on which you have had
these thoughts, some well-meaning relative, who is better off than
you are, sends your wife a kind note and a bundle of cast-off clothes
for the children. Your patient and long-suffering wife is glad, and
reads you the note, and says, “Oh, John, is that not kind of Aunt
Mary?” This makes you jump; something seems to have given way
inside; you feel a falling sensation in your bowels; you are touched
on the raw, and as you look at your wife your eyebrows go up in the
centre and your jaw falls like that of a dead man. Look out for the
man who goes on the war-path after having suffered these things.
He is dangerous.

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