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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Slow Shifter
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Epilogue
Slow Shifter
By Lia Violet
Copyright
The stories in this book are intended for mature, adult audiences
only. All characters in this work are 18 years of age or older and
participate in consensual sex.
Slow Shifter
By Lia Violet
“Ouch.” Rayanne groaned, leaning fully into the stretch her physical
therapist was putting her
through. Her back and neck were hurting a lot more than usual
today and this was due to hours of
being hunched over the laptop trying to get her book ready before
deadline.
“That’s it. Doesn’t that feel good?” Her physical therapist asked,
circling her like a hawk.
Crystal was part pageant contestant, part Olympic trainer, and while
her endless cheer usually got Rayanne through therapy, some days it
was also hard to take. Like today.
A few minutes later, Crystal was massaging her back with firm
strokes, her main focus around
her injured discs. Usually, this was Rayanne’s favorite part of the
sessions, but today everything hurt.
“I can tell you’ve been overdoing it,” Crystal said, her fingers
pressing a little too hard into her back. “Don’t forget to set your
timer for how long you sit at the computer when you’re on deadline.”
Rayanne sighed. She did set it, then got into her story and ignored
it. Two hours later, she had
Rayanne shook her head. She had been adopted with little or no
knowledge whatsoever about
her birth parents. DNA showed that she was either a wolf or a bear
shifter of some kind, though she’d never shifted. She assumed she
couldn’t, until her ortho doctor suggested she try, with the help of
medication, to improve issues with her neck and spine.
It was that or work in another field, she thought an hour later as she
sat in her favorite café,
sipping a chai latte. She went through her new upload and didn’t like
what she was seeing. The
reviews on the ARCS for her latest book, a cowboy romance, were
not as positive as she thought they would be.
“She writes the same story over and over. I like these books, but
sometimes would like
that comment. She was indeed living the same life over and over.
Write, promote, visit her mother, go out to eat with friends.
Introducing physical therapy into her routine was by far, the only
new thing in her life; and she only went for it after the third time her
doctor told her to go. Usually, she took a couple days off the
computer when her neck or back bothered her, and then went back.
This time,
Maybe she should just have the surgery her doctor mentioned as
that is the only other option to
shifters at a bookstore when she helped out over the holidays. She’d
even seen one shift into a
werewolf behind the store once when someone tried to rob them.
But she was scared of the idea. Not that she couldn’t see herself
doing it; but the concept of it was something she couldn’t relate to.
Writing shifter romance was also not in her plans, though her online
writer group had been
Pomeroy, aka Roslyn Rey, her pen name. She was one of several
identified bear shifters from a nearly extinct group of grizzlies. He’d
never even seen one, though he had a masters in shifter relations,
something that helped his work on FBI shifter cases.
Rayanne’s author photo was very different from the picture he pulled
from her driver’s license,
but of course most people don’t want to look like their license.
shifters he knew were writers on that genre. She has also never
mentioned shifting in any promo
materials about herself either. Ever. So, that means she has either
never shifted, or is very private.
He’d bet money on the first. But if that’s true, that would make his
job a lot harder.
He had to find her, get her to shift, then collect samples. He also had
to encourage her to move
close to the refuge center to study and increase the success rate of
bear breeding. This was supposed to be a short job before he helped
with a raid on a black-market shifter adoption and trafficking bust in
two months, something he and several others had been working on
for a long time.
He lifts his eyes from the screen of his laptop to look at her.
“Ma’am?”
Melody was one of those people who was first to arrive and last to
leave. She’d passionately
helped shifters all over the country, as their office was one of the
few with a shifter division.
Her office was spartan, with no personal photos or much else other
than two laptops and a
small flat box of papers. She wore a wedding ring on her right hand,
but in her ten years with the FBI, no one had heard her talk about
her late husband. No one really knew much about her.
“I know you didn’t want to be pulled away from the adoption case,
but that one is all finished
except for the big meet in a couple weeks, and I’m worried about
the bear situation.”
He knew the line of bears was endangered, and that there were very
few actively shifting
She glanced at her screen and then him. “Two of the people on our
list of potential bear shifters
have died in the last week. One from a heart attack, which may or
may not be a coincidence. The
“How did they catch the second one?” He was already thinking
about how it could have been
Melody shrugs and glances at her screen again. “His daughter said
he’d been acting strangely
He deliberated on the reply for a minute. “How about the first man?”
so I’m not sure they would have been able to afford an autopsy.”
man became a billionaire. Damien could easily retire now but liked to
work. Also he couldn’t figure out what he would do with his time.
“You have three siblings and lots of nieces and nephews,” she looked
back at one of her
screens. “I have a bad feeling about the bears on the list. Three in
the area have been assigned agents, and I’m going to ask all to
connect with their people today. They need to be protected at all
costs.”
“I’m on it. I was just going through her file. I’ll head over to her
home now.”
She opened the door a crack and looked out. She was still wearing
her pajama pants, as her
back was hurting and getting dressed made it worse some days. But
she had on a nice top and was
you for a few minutes? We believe you can help us with a situation.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t.” She smiled softly at him and wondered if it was
legal to not open the door
appointment?” He asked.
“No, I’m sorry.” She should ask him to call her literary agent. But she
didn’t say that. “I can’t
help you.”
With that, she closed the door and waited for a few minutes before
peeking out her camera to
Chapter Two
doing some for the planned raids in the coming months, but he’d
pictured himself having a nice
He’d gone home for a few hours and was back here at 5 am. Writers
are known to always get
pink bodysuit, with a band for her phone. He watched her as she
bent over to stretch, and his heart sped up. He wasn’t supposed to
be looking at her like that, but she had the curves, just the way he’d
always liked. He shook his head to disengage whatever imaginings
were coming as he needed to
focus on her.
Then she started to jog, with the easy pace of someone who did this
often. He turned on the
ignition.
Rayanne was thinking about the ending of her story as she ran. The
cool breeze rushing into her body often made it easier to think. She
hadn’t liked how she finished the book and was thinking of adding a
wedding epilogue. Happy ever afters were her forte and she always
liked those in stories, whatever way they came. She made a mental
list of which characters should be attending the wedding and those
who shouldn’t. Being so engrossed in her thought, she missed the
footsteps of the person behind her.
A hand on her arm, near her phone, startled her out of it. She
whirled, crouching into the self-
It was a kid. She could clearly see his face and his stature even
though he had on a grey hoodie.
“Give me your phone. And money.” He said, revealing the knife in his
hand. She stared at him,
sidestepped him, grabbing the wrist and pulling him forward while
twisting, another class move. He didn’t let go of the knife, but he
was startled enough to be off balance. She kicked him in the nuts
and pushed him hard as she stepped back and started to run. She
ran right into someone else.
“Nicely done.” A very deep voice said. Big hands held her shoulders
for a second, until she
was steady, then let her go.
She turned and watched him as he stepped around her and cuffed
the mugger. “Call 911.” The
man said as he kept a hand on the mugger’s back. The mugger was
still groaning from the kick
“So you’re FBI? How did you happen to be there?” She heard an
officer say to the man a little
She thanked the police and turned to leave, when the man stopped
her.
“Ms. Pomeroy?”
She turned back to look at him, surprised that he knew her last
name. She’d only told him her
He walked up to her. “Could I take you for coffee? I was here earlier
for you, as part of a case.
I’m hoping you can help me with some information that would be
relevant to the investigation.”
She wasn’t sure if she could say no. She really wanted to get her run
in, as the adrenaline from
the encounter with the mugger was still coursing through her veins.
“I’m not sure.”
The café was part of a chain local to her area, but she’d gone there
once to write when she
She requested for a decaf iced tea, as she was starting to feel jittery
now. There was an urge in
her arms and legs for something. Maybe this was a latent shifter
instinct, though obviously she hadn’t shifted when she was in
danger.
“So how can I help you?” She asked as she took a sip from her cup.
He was very attractive,
something she’d realized the second she’d backed into him. He had
very dark hair, though she could see hints of silver. His skin was a
warm brown. Latino? She wondered. He had a slight accent. That
did something for her, though his eyes really got to her.
She felt herself blushing. Clearly it had been too long since she’d
dated anyone, she thought.
She took another sip and set her drink down. “When I was thirteen,
I broke my leg skiing. It
He nodded. “Most of those drugs are now off the market, with good
reason.”
She nodded slowly. “My parents adopted me, and neither are
shifters. They did their best. Our
“How about after that when you were an adult? Did you ever feel
like it?”
She shrugged again as she brought the cup to her lips. “I never
really felt the urge, you know?
Lots of people never shift. Besides, what does this have to do with
you?”
“You are a rare form of bear.” He said. “We need you to shift so we
can get some samples to
use in keeping the species alive. And, some of the remaining latent
shifter bears in your group have been attacked.”
She looked up sharply at him. “Why would someone want to get rid
of bears? Especially bears
She leans closer towards him. “Should I just call you if I feel like
someone is bothering me?”
“I wish it were that easy. I’d like for you to come to our offices in
Pauton. We have a bear and
large shifter refuge near there, and they can take your samples.”
She leaned back in her seat, her cup in her hand. “I don’t even know
for sure if I’m a bear
“The adoption agency sends DNA to federal agencies that request it.
You were flagged as an
“We don’t use the DNA for our criminal database. It’s for the shifter
medical database. My
I’m done?”
Now he hesitated and leaned in, towards her. “Ideally, you’d relocate
to Pauton, near the bear
refuge center. The FBI can better protect you there, until we have a
handle on what is happening to the bear shifters.”
She set her drink down with a thud and stood. “Give me your card.
I’ll think about the samples,
but you have no way of knowing those things about me, nor should
you. I have no life, so I may as
well be the guinea bear moving near the refuge for more ‘testing,’
right?”
He put down a tip and also stood. “It’s not like that. You’d be safer
there. And I didn’t mean to
She takes her phone from the table and places it back on her arm
band. “Well, I really don’t
went after her. They both heard a popping noise, before he tackled
her to the ground.
Chapter Three
“So I’m not arrested?” She asked for the fifth time as he drove them
towards Pauton.
she was nearly killed on his watch. He hadn’t moved more than
three feet from her while they dealt with the police then went to her
place to pack some things.
He glanced over at her angrily. “Another four inches to the left and
we wouldn’t be having this
She ignored his tone of voice and stared out of the window. “I still
don’t get why anyone would
want to kill me. Seriously, I don’t think that was aimed at me.”
“The tape from the store next to the café says otherwise.” It had
shown someone in a car, on the
passenger side, aim at her as soon as she stepped out. “Two people,
in fact, as the shooter was on the passenger side.”
“Tell me about your writing,” he said, trying to make his tone less
scary. He’d lost victims on
the job before. This time he was determined that wouldn’t happen.
She was special.
the small cabin where she would be staying. It was on the edge of
the bear conservation center.
She came to meet him at the front window. “I like it here. I still
don’t want to move here, and I
don’t know if I’ll do all the tests they want, but this is nice.” She said
gesturing to the house.
He sighed and headed for the door. He was so not having that
conversation again. “Let’s go
“No. they help natural bears here too, and work with countries all
over the world to save
ones live temporarily. They have breeding areas, too. The funds from
tickets help operations costs here.” Rayanne nodded, she didn’t
really understand what he meant.
Thirty minutes later, she stood, gazing at the two young polar bears
enjoying their pool. She
slowly pulled her hand away when she realized it was still held by
Damian’s hand. Them standing
there together, laughing at the polar bears felt like a date. She
wrapped her arms around herself and was aware of how they now
felt cold and uncomfortable.
But when she looked at him, his dark gaze was on her. She gazed
back at him, his eyes reeling
her in.
He looked away first and pointed to the other side from where they
stood. “Let’s go over to the
A few feet away from the enclosure, she felt a strong pull in her
bones. It got stronger as she
Looking at the bear, the feeling grew in her and she took a deep
breath and forced herself to
but his hand felt warm and good. It helped calm her down.
“Are you a shifter?” She asked as they walked away.
family and I belong to a local pack, and to the shifter association run
by the Altons in Ville de
Cougar.”
“I’ve heard of them.” The twin Alphas, married to the same woman,
were popular in social
more. “Ana has helped me with author business questions more than
once.”
He nodded. “They are the ones who first noticed the disappearing
bear shifters.”
They walked over to where an elderly grizzly was loping around his
pen. “They thought this
one was a frozen shifter for years, but he has stayed a bear, so the
human side is not interested.”
“No, through medical help, which he got. But rumor has it he had a
wife and child who died.”
She nodded. “I could see why he wants to stay in that form.”
“If you shifted, you’d have help, and no one would let you stay that
way.” He took her hand
again.
She smiled. “This refuge zoo has fair food like others do?”
“I haven’t eaten cotton candy since I was little,” she said a few
minutes later, eyeing the bag of bright blue fluffy sugar that he had
purchased, along with her bottled water and a soft pretzel.
while he pulled out a tuft of the cotton candy and held it out to her.
She leaned forward and tasted it off his fingers, surprising him.
Good, she thought. It was time he had a few surprises of his own.
“Wow. Sugar.” She moaned,
His lips were soft, and sweet with the cotton candy. He opened his
mouth, and one arm snaked
around her waist.
As her body pressed against his, she wanted to get even closer. Her
senses whirled as he
After a moment, they stepped back from each other, breathing hard.
She was reeling. Why had she kissed him? And why had it felt so
amazing? She offered him
half her pretzel and enjoyed watching him savor his cotton candy.
“I’ll shift, with the doctors help,” she announced. She was surprised
she’d said that.
He looked at her calmly. “What made you decide? And I think that’s
terrific.”
they both knew it. She was scared about the shooting and wondered
about the strange yearning in her.
He took a bite out of his cotton candy. “I’ve never thought about
that. We can ask the doctor.”
She motioned towards the corner of his mouth. “You have a little
cotton candy there.”
His tongue swiped it off. She stared at his lips for some seconds. She
wanted to kiss him again.
“I want to kiss you, but for the moment I’m protecting you.” He
groaned, “Can we hold this
She nodded, but she wasn’t sure she could hold off, honestly.
The next morning, Rayanne’s mother went with them at the agency
where her parents adopted
her.
“It’s changed names a few times since Sunny Family,” her mother
said, as she cast a dubious
They went in, and Damien explained why they were there.
“We have given you everything we have on Rayanne, but you’ll need
a warrant for more.” A
Rayanne yawned. She’d been awake since 4 a.m., after a searing hot
dream with Damien. She
could have taken a cold shower but lay there instead, thinking over
the parts of the dream she
remembered and wondering why one kiss with the man had turned
her on so much. She’d worked at
her laptop while he handled work calls the night before after having
pizza in the cabin. Strange, but she’d loved the evening, though she
would not have minded more kissing.
Damien pulled out the warrant he’d obtained that morning while
Rayanne met her mother at the
train station.
The young man running the front desk called someone else to do
the computer searching. “We
had eighteen adoptions with possible bear shifter blood during the
year you were adopted and the two previous and afterwards.” She
frowned at the screen in front of her. “Ah, it looks like four of them
are now deceased. I’ll get the information on the rest.”
Rayanne was still reeling from hearing that four people around her
age were no longer living.
“Yes. We lost contact with them after that placement, despite the
son, Nigel, asking for more on
several occasions.”
“Nigel.” Rayanne said to herself. “Did his adoptive parents keep that
name?”
The woman looked at the screen. “Yes. Nigel Amato. He’s left his
information here in case you
Rayanne was still thinking about Nigel when her mother offered to
take all of them out to lunch.
looked up Nigel.
related to you.”
“He gets in trouble for fighting. A lot.” She added.
“I wonder why they didn’t place him with us,” her mother said a
while later when they were
hers.
“Her series always sells well,” her mother said to Damien. He could
tell from her voice when
Chapter Four
the safest for you, but I didn’t tell anyone we were coming. If we
keep a low profile, we should be ok.”
“I believe he is big with the fans,” Damien said, putting his hand
over hers.
She was aware of the warmth spreading from Damien’s hand over
hers as she watched Nigel.
Rayanne cheered, feeling excitement. This was her little brother. She
turned to Damien, who
closer and enjoying the taste of him. He opened his mouth and she
felt the tip of his tongue tease hers.
She’d never been kissed like this before, as if he’d taken charge and
she could just relax and enjoy.
stopped worrying about her breath or her tongue. She felt a pull to
get closer, much closer. Her hand slid into his jacket, feeling the taut
muscle, when he jerked back.
“Hopefully they didn’t get a good look at your face,” Damien said,
looking all around them.
She glanced at Nigel, now around the team meeting with the coach.
He was looking directly at
her.
“Is your back bothering you?” Damien rubbed his hand over her
back as she stretched.
They were waiting in a hallway near the players’ locker rooms. A few
other people were
waiting on the players, who had lost the game by four goals.
Rayanne didn’t care about the outcome of the game. She couldn’t
wait to meet him. Why had
she been so afraid to leave her townhome, and her routine? She still
didn’t know if she wanted to
shift, but her life in the past two days had become like one of her
books, exciting and full of surprises.
And Damien. Whew. She shivered a little, thinking of the hot kiss
during the game.
“Hi.” Nigel was in front of them, his dark hair damply curling.
It was a lot like her hair, she realized, but seemed much more
manageable. “Your hair is better
than mine.”
though.”
kiss, man. But ok, that’s your business. There’s a restaurant down
the street here that is open late. We can walk there.”
“No one knows we’re here,” Rayanne said, her eyes on Nigel as they
walked out of the arena.
As they moved to cross the busy street near the arena, two men
approached them at a run.
“Go! Get in a store!” Damien yelled at her as he pulled out his gun.
She looked around wildly as she started to run. The light of a couple
shops shone. She glanced
back and saw Damien holding his gun on someone while a golden
brown bear was next to him, his
She stumbled, then realized a third man was coming towards her.
“Damien! There’s another
one!”
She made it to the first shop and got inside before the man could
get there. It seemed to be a
bookshop and café.
The woman behind the counter leapt over her counter, a rifle in
hand. “Go in there!”
Rayanne couldn’t believe the woman moved so fast, but she did as
told, calling 911 on her
She heard a snarl, and saw the woman change into a wolf, her
clothing and rifle piled next to
her. The few customers were moving away from the scene as the
angry man came into the store.
“I’m looking for –!” And the shop clerk pounced on him.
Rayanne was still shaking a while later, sipping tea at a small table in
the store while the
Brenda, the shop owner, as it turned out, was dressed again, and
putting a blanket around Nigel,
who had torn his clothes when he shifted. Her pretty dark skin
showed a blush as Nigel thanked her.
“Who were those men?” She asked Damien when the police went to
speak with Brenda and
Nigel.
“I think low level hired assassins. They were too careless to be very
good at this, thank
goodness. And I didn’t see the guy who harassed you by your
home.”
the adoption agency.” Damien pulled out his phone. “I have to call
my supervisor.”
“I wrote them.”
“Can you sign these? And maybe come back again for a program?”
“You saved my life, Brenda. I’m pretty sure I’ll come as often as you
want. And,” she added,
An hour later the restaurant will still open and had a booth along the
back wall as Damien
insisted.
Signing the store stock of her books and talking with Brenda gave
Rayanne ideas for yet
another story. She couldn’t remember when the words and ideas
flowed this easily.
“What do you want to eat?” Nigel said to her, from across the booth.
“I’m not famous like you. But it’s nice to meet fans.”
“That Brenda was terrific. Someone got a movie of her leaping over
the counter. They’d been
“Did you get her number?” Rayanne asked. “Because I have it if you
don’t.”
“I did.”
“So you’ve always shifted?” She asked Nigel a while later as they
enjoyed their food.
“You could see someone at the refuge center, like a doctor, if you
wanted to try. It might be
good to do it.”
“It would be another layer of defense for you,” Damien agreed with
Nigel.
Chapter Five
“I can’t believe I’ve never been to Pauton before this trip,” she said
as he drove them to the
“It only took us about an hour and a half to get here from your
home,” he said, glancing at the
She shrugged. “You must know by now that I don’t go out much.”
“I’m not comfortable out with people. And I wrote eighteen novellas
in the past two years, so
way up.”
“Yes, and each time I got one, I wanted another.” He ran his hand
through his short, dark hair.
He glanced at her again, but she didn’t meet his gaze. “Did
something happen?”
“Listen. I don’t really want to discuss all my business with you,” she
said. She thought about
the failed relationships with guys she seemed to keep running into
when she lived downtown.
“I’m done with this discussion. And why would you search someone
you had to protect?” She
thought about that in the silence that followed. “Ah. You weren’t
sure why I needed protecting at first, right?”
He shook his head, as he glanced over at her shortly before facing
the road again. “No, we’re
protecting as we can.”
She was really nervous by the time they pulled into the refuge
center hospital. She’d wondered
will likely go over shifting with you, and you can decide when you
want to do it.”
Her back twinged as she stepped out of the car, making her groan.
“Shifting might help your back.” He said as they stepped into the
building.
“So I’ve been told.” Sore back and all, she wanted to get back in the
car and leave this place.
She didn’t really want to shift into any animal, whether a bear or
anything. “How did I let you and Nigel convince me to do this
appointment today?” She still couldn’t believe Damien had made a
call that morning and now they were here.
Dr. Kriyani’s warm manner put her at ease, but Rayanne felt an
anxiety attack coming on from
“Why don’t we move to the shifting room. We have a gown you can
put on so you don’t tear
Dr. Kriyani nodded. “I can give you something for the anxiety if you
need it,” he looks at the
clock on the wall and back at her. “I could have you shift and shift
back within an hour and a half, even allowing for a break in between
to help you get adjusted. You might be tired the rest of the day,
though.”
She’d had physical therapy appointments that took more time than
that. What else was she going
possible. That’s really when you sense the power of your animal
shape.”
Rayanne didn’t want to sense the power of her animal shape, she
didn’t think. For some reason,
she glanced at Damien, who was sitting next to her. He reached out
and took her hand.
Rayanne was shivering in the gown as the doctor injected her with
the drug that would help her
“You got this,” he murmured. “Think about yourself in the bear form.
You’ll be powerful and
strong…”
His voice calmed her down. The shivering stopped and she relaxed
into his touch. It would be
ok. She wasn’t alone. The doctor was going to stay with her, as
would Damien.
She did and felt her bones snapping. The change had started. She
started a bit as her feet
changed into paws, then her hands started to change. Damien let go
and stepped back.
“You’re doing it. Look at you!” He said, helping her down to her
hands and knees. As her legs
“That golden brown bear type is so rare,” the doctor was saying.
“Almost there, Rayanne. Just
stuck. She thought she might be changing back, but the injection
took her all the way to bear.
Stunned, she looked around the room, realizing her eyes worked
very differently now. She
could smell everything, and the lure of the smells of the outdoors
was too much. The open patio doors off the shifter room were wide,
and she started to move, lumbering with great strides that she didn’t
realize she knew how to do.
her.
She moved off the concrete and over to the edge of the woods,
sensing his presence behind her.
“Don’t run off,” he cautioned. “We will help you change back soon,
and it is an exhausting
process.”
She could sense other animals in the woods, and it seemed like such
a cool, appealing place.
She was big, so she made a lot of noise as she walked into the path.
She heard a growl, then rustling. Looking back, she saw him
undressing, then to her shock, he
She took a whiff of air again as he walked towards her. His scent
filled her senses,
overwhelming her as she watched him. It was like her head was
stuffed with the cotton candy they’d been eating because she
couldn’t perceive any other thing as he came closer. He stopped a
few feet away from her and then turned back. Mate, she thought.
He’s my mate. He smelled so good. She
She got so close to him and he rubbed his muzzle against her neck.
She lowered her face, and
“Try to come in again,” the doctor was calling from the patio doors.
‘Let’s see if you can
switch back.”
The wolf gestured towards the door with his head, and she carefully
walked into the room,
“Breathe with me. Picture your hands and feet, and your face.”
She tried and felt the pulling sensations she now knew to associate
with shifting. She saw her
paws turn to feet and her hands started to turn. As her legs
changed, then her torso, Damien walked back in, dressed now.
She could still sense who he was to her, though it was muted in his
human form. Mate. What
did that even mean? She felt her legs start to grow fur again and
panicked.
“Easy,” the doctor said, injecting her with something. “Keep picturing
your lovely human self.”
“You can do this.” Damien said, crouching next to her. “Come back to
me, Rayanne.”
She felt a warmed blanket being spread over her as she lay on the
floor a few minutes later,
She felt someone pick her up. She couldn’t remember the last time
that happened. She looked
“Are you saying I’m weak?” He asked. “You’re easy to carry. I’ll bet I
could even carry you in
bear form.”
“We’ll give you some time to recover, and then I want to talk to you.
My assistant is bringing in
gently on the bed, his hand brushing over her naked rear as he
settled her in. She could swear she could feel the heat of his hands
as he helped her get settled. She didn’t even have the energy to
dress yet.
“No, but when we ran your blood test, we realized you are match for
a young lady who
desperately needs some for surgery. Are you a mix of bear and
something else?”
“That’s so cool!” Her brain fired up about three story ideas. Maybe
she would start writing
shifter romance after all. Then the doctor’s words sunk in. “I’d be
happy to help her.”
long.”
Chapter Six
An hour later, she was dressed and walking slowly with Damien out
of the clinic. He had an
her hand. “I’m Gabrielle, Damien’s older, smarter sister. And you
are?”
Rayanned took the hand, shaking it firmly, though she was weak.
“Rayanne. Damien is helping
currently?”
Damien groaned.
“You’re going to the charity dinner tonight, aren’t you? I came to get
a few extra tickets.”
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
was het en zóó wit. Als het in den laten middag wat nevelig werd op
de heuvelen rondom de stad, en vage sluieren om het paleis
waaiden, leek het in zijne weifelende vaagheid als een hemel-visioen
in de wolken, waar enkel engelen en materie-looze hemelingen
konden wonen. Als ’s avonds de witte en gekleurde electrische
lichten waren ontstoken, was het somtijds van beneden niet goed
meer te onderscheiden, wat de sterren waren en wat de lichten van
het paleis. En de arme, kleine kinderen van misère in de donkere
sloppen van de stad, die nooit verder kwamen dan het nauwe,
vunzige steegje waar zij in woonden, zagen het paleis hoog boven
de daakjes der schamele hut-huisjes, en dachten dat de koningin
daar, vér in die glorie, samenwoonde met de engelen, waar ze in
hun ellende nog aan geloofden.
Het paleis was gebouwd tegen een wand van witten rotsberg en als
achtergrond was de rots nog gaaf behouden, waar grillige struiken
en bloemen aan ontsproten en waar fonteintjes zilverhelder water uit
wegklaterden in marmeren bassins. Het witste en edelste marmer uit
alle deelen van de wereld was voor den [110]bouw bijeengebracht,
en, uit de verte van de donkerder stad gezien, leek het wel van heel
fijn porselein blanc de Chine, of van lelie-lichte sneeuw, of wel ijl als
blinkend wolken-wit, waar maanlicht achter glanst. Wèl was het een
waardig paleis om een heilige vorstin te omgeven, die de essence in
zich omdroeg van de witte water-lelie en het gouden licht van de
zon.
Het waren zeker enkel heel nobele en goede menschen, edelen van
onbesmetten naam en vorstelijke deugden, die waardig waren, dat
blanke paleis te [111]betreden, en tot de heilige tegenwoordigheid van
prinses Leliane te worden toegelaten!
Hij liep in druk gesprek met zijn geleider, toen hij plotseling ontzet
bleef stilstaan, met angstige oogen.
„Dáár, dáár,” riep Paulus, en wees ontsteld naar een oude vrouw die
voor hem stond, met een mand. Want in de mand lagen, dicht
opeengehoopt, bloederig en jammerlijk, de lijkjes van lijsters, die zij
te koop ventte, de lijkjes van zijn lieve zang-vriendjes uit het bosch.
Ze waren gruwelijk om aan te zien, met de fijne pootjes ruw
saamgebonden, met geloken, blinde oogjes, en de halsjes bebloed.
Treurig hingen de doode kopjes uitgestrekt, verstard van pijn.
„Kom,” zeide Marcelio, een beetje ruw. „Je moet niet zoo week zijn,
kereltje. Dat zijn doode lijsters, anders niets. Ga nu door … De
menschen kijken …”
„Je moet je nu maar goed houden,” zeide Marcelio. „We zijn hier in
de Wild-straat, en hier wonen veel poeliers. Nu asjeblieft niet wéék
zijn … doorloopen hoor … geen gekheid …”
En Paulus liep door. Maar tóch zag hij het, en hij beet zich op de
lippen om niet uit te barsten in snikken en wild wraakgeroep.
En dit alles als heel gewoon. Alsof er niets gebeurd was, en dit zoo
hoorde. De menschen op straat keken er niet naar. Het was voor
hen als al die dingen, die achter winkelramen te koop lagen. Zij
zagen niet den jammer in al die blinde oogjes, de pijn in dat
[114]uitgestrekte van hals en pooten, het teêre en lieve in die zachte,
bebloede keeltjes, dié ééns vroolijk hadden gezongen zoo mooi lied.
Maar o! als die menschen dàt doen konden, als die menschen, die
daar om hem heen liepen met strakke, onverschillige gezichten, dit
zonder mededoogen konden aanzien, dan konden zij ook ál het
teedere en lieve vermoorden, dat in hem zelf was.
„Maar God, die aller schepselen Vader is, maar God, zonder Wiens
wil geen muschje sterft? Gedoogt Hij dit?…”
En vlak naast hem zag hij opeens het lijk van een zachte, lichtbruine
ree, ruw opgehangen aan de achterpooten, het fijne, vertrouwelijke
kopje klagelijk hangend naar beneden, de bleeke tong ver uitgerekt,
waar bloed langs drupte. Op straat lag een kleine, ronde plas van
dat afgedroppelde bloed. En het was hem, of hij nog pijn zag in de
groote, angstig gebroken oogen.
Hij kón het niet langer uithouden, en bleef even ontzet staan, de
oogen vol tranen.
Maar Marcelio greep hem stijf bij de hand, en trok hem met zich
mede.
En hij ging mede, gewillig, liep hard door, met groote stappen, om
niet langer dat verschrikkelijke te zien van al zijn lieve, zachtaardige
vriendjes uit het bosch, die daar jammerlijk waren uitgestald als
koopwaar, lafhartig vermoord, als bloederige lijkjes, door niemand
betreurd.…
Toen, in een breede, rijke straat, nam Marcelio hem opeens mede in
een groot, aanzienlijk huis.
„Dit is nu een restaurant,” zeide Marcelio, „en een goed ook. Zelfs
als je bang bent om vleesch te eten, zoo als jij, is er hier nog heel
wat lekkers te krijgen. En om je pleizier te doen zullen we nu eens
als echte vegetariërs het menu opmaken.”
Er kwam nu weer een andere deftige heer aan, wien Marcelio opgaf,
wat hij hebben wilde, en die toen weer eerbiedig boog, en heenging,
om alles te halen.
Paulus verwonderde zich een beetje, en vond het zoo vreemd, dat
de eene mensch maar commandeerde, en er dan anderen
klaarstonden om voor hem te zorgen. Maar hij durfde nog niet
dadelijk alles te vragen, bang dat het weer „week” zou worden
gevonden.
Er zaten nog méér menschen aan zulke mooie tafeltjes, als waar hij
nu aan zat. En telkens kwamen van die zwart gerokte heeren hen
bedienen, eerbiedig en voorkomend. Wat vreemd, dat er zoo waren,
die maar behoefden te gaan zitten, om van de anderen alles te
krijgen!
„Dat zijn nu kellners,” zeide hij, „die luitjes in die mooie rokken. Kijk
ze maar eens goed aan, het zijn hier goede typen.… de
voorkomendheid zelve, als je gewoon bent ze een goede fooi te
geven.…”
Maar toch bleef het begrip nog vaag, nu hij er zoo ineens in de
werkelijkheid voor stond.
Hij vond het erg voornaam, zoo’n zaal. Al dat rood en dat goud. En
dat alleen om even te eten! Deden de menschen dat altijd in zoo’n
praal?
Hoe gracieus bood zoo’n kellner-heer een schotel aan, bijna of hij
het zelf een groot pleizier vond, hun zoo iets te mogen geven!
Hij liet zich ook door Marcelio een zoeten wijn inschenken. Enkel van
druiven, werd hem gezegd, dat kon toch heusch geen kwaad. En hij
genoot van [118]den streelenden, vleienden smaak van de goudgele
Haut-Sauternes op zijn tong, dronk nog eens en nog eens.
Zijn angst van zooeven dreef er onmerkbaar door weg, en een lichte,
ongekende vreugde voelde hij er van in hem opstijgen. Een gevoel
van voldaanheid, van zacht bien-être, kwam over hem heen.
Maar toch was hij een beetje moe. Hij zou nu eigenlijk wel wat willen
liggen, heel rustig en niet praten. En hij zeide het ook maar aan
Marcelio, dat hij nu wel weer wat naar huis wilde.
Marcelio riep een koetsier, die met een leeg open rijtuig voorbijging,
en hen naar de Koninginnestraat reed. [119]
Weer dacht Paulus even, hoe vreemd het was dat alles dadelijk voor
Marcelio klaarstond, die maar had te commandeeren, om door
andere menschen bediend te worden, die alles voor hem deden.
Maar daar zou hij later liever eens over vragen.
Toen hij weer op zijn kamer was voelde hij pas hoe moê hij was van
al dat nieuwe, in de drukte van de stad. En Marcelio begreep dat
ook.
„Je blijft nu maar wat kalm hier op een canapé liggen,” zeide hij. „Als
je je verveelt, in deze kast zijn boeken hoor, en je neemt er maar uit,
wat je áánstaat. Ik ga weer uit, ook nog naar ’t paleis even. Om zes
uur kom ik je weer halen en zal ik je nog meer van Leliënstad laten
zien. Nu eerst maar eens wat goed uitrusten.”
Zijn hoofd duizelde nog wat. Het gedruisch van de stad en het
ratelen van de wagens dreunde nog vaag om zijn ooren. Hier in de
stilte van de kamer was het nóg niet weg. Hij leunde met het hoofd
op het kussen van de canapé en hield de handen tegen zijn ooren,
om niet meer te hooren dat suizende leven.
Toen hij wakker werd, was het bijna vijf uur. Hij voelde zich weer
geheel frisch, toen hij zich flink gewasschen had, en schoon linnen
had aangedaan. Nog een heel uur, dan zou Marcelio pas komen. Als
hij zoolang eens wat ging lezen? [120]
Hij kende ze al zoolang, maar nooit had hij ze zoo innig gevoeld als
nu, nu hij het groote stadsleven had gezien. Want zij vertelden van
Wederich’s eenzaam leven te midden van die honderdduizenden,
die hem vreemd waren, van zijn trotsche, bittere armoede in de
weelde-stad, waarin hij zich toch rijker voelde dan allen door de
groote, mooie liefde, die bloeide in zijn hart, en die hij met zich
meedroeg als een heiligen, kostbaren schat, dien niemand zien
mocht. Het waren verzen van stille gepeinzen in afgelegen parken,
van vroom doorgeleden uren onder Liefste’s venster, van trotsche
verachting voor ’s werelds roem en faam, van sober, arm, onbekend
leven nú, in de heerlijke zekerheid van ééns onsterfelijk te zijn.
O! Dat die groote dichter leefde in diezelfde stad waarin hij nu ook
woonde, dat hij misschien kans had, hem ééns te zien, van
aangezicht tot aangezicht, wat was dat opeens een heerlijk
denkbeeld voor hem! [121]Hij zou hem natuurlijk van-zelf herkennen,
zonder dat iémand het hem zeide. Dadelijk zou hij het zien, aan zijn
donkere Christus-oogen, aan zijn hoog, bleek voorhoofd, verheerlijkt
door zooveel heilige gedachten!
En als hij hem ééns kennen mocht, dan zou hij hem geven het
liefste, dat in zijn ziel was, en hem vertellen van het bosch, en de
vogels, en de bloemen, en van de rustige schoonheid van de witte
water-lelies, en van de rustige schoonheid van Leliane.…
Hij was in het paleis geweest, bij de prinses, die genadiglijk naar
Paulus gevraagd had. En hij moest Paulus vertellen, hoe zij er had
uitgezien, en hoe het toch wel was in haar koninklijke vertrekken, en
ieder woord, dat zij gezegd had.
„Maar nu neem ik je weer mee uit,” zeide Marcelio. „De eerste dagen
zal ik je zoo’n beetje den weg wijzen, en dán moet je zelf maar je
heil zoeken. Je zult het leven hier gauw genoeg kennen. Dat wént
wel. Dan begrijp je niet, hoe je ooit buiten Leliënstad hebt kunnen
leven.”
„Het is of al die menschen bang voor iets zijn, of heel gejaagd naar
iets vreeselijks moeten,” zeide hij tegen zijn geleider. „Ik zie nog altijd
zoo iets angstigs in een straat. Net of er iets ergs moet gebeuren.”
„Maar dat is juist het mooie van Leliënstad, mijn beste kerel! Dat
nerveuze, dat heerlijk gejaagde! Nu komt de avond, weet je, en den
nacht. Dan beginnen de echte lui hier pas te leven, en worden de
zenuwen pas geprikkeld. Overdag is het hier je ware nog niet, dat is
eigenlijk maar zoo’n soort voorspel, maar ’s nachts is het leven hier
op zijn hevigst. Je moet eerst nog een beetje wennen. Dan zal ik je
later eens het groote nachtleven laten zien. En de Leliënstadsche
vrouwen vooral, de mooiste, de elegantste, de geestigste van de
wereld.…”
Paulus begreep nog niet, wat Marcelio hier eigenlijk mede bedoelde.
Door zijn eenzaam leven in het bosch, en door zijn lezen van verzen
en romans, buiten het realiteits-leven om, had hij van vrouwen nog
het vage, romantische idee, dat zij iets veel beters waren dan
mannen, iets bijna heiligs, zooals bijvoorbeeld engelen of feeën. [123]
Na het diner, dat bijna een uur duurde, kwam de koffie, fijne Mocca-
essence, in heel kleine kopjes, geserveerd in broos servies, op
zilveren schaal, met groote zorg, of het heilige dingen betrof. En
Paulus verwonderde zich weer over het gewicht, dat hier in de stad
aan het eten werd gehecht, en aan die plechtigheid er bij, of het een
godsdienstige ceremonie gold. Het scheen heel natuurlijk te zijn, dat
al die mooi gekleede heeren en dames daar in die weelde-zaal
kwamen zitten, en dat dan vanzelf al die heerlijke gerechten voor
hen klaar stonden, en met praal voor hen werden opgediend. Maar
het was hem toch niet recht duidelijk, hoe het allemaal precies in
elkaar zat, en waarom de een bediend moest worden en de ander
hem bedienen moest. Het was toch wel erg gemakkelijk, vond hij,
dat leven van Marcelio.
Na het diner liepen zij weer over groote Boulevards, waar hij nog
nooit geweest was, en waar het zoo vol was, dat zij maar langzaam
voort konden gaan. In het midden de rij-weg met lange files rijtuigen
achter elkaar, aan weerszijden de trottoirs met wandelaars, die langs
hel verlichte winkels liepen. [125]Veel van die winkels waren café’s,
waar menschen aan tafeltjes zaten te drinken. Hij begon nu
langzamerhand te gewennen aan het lawaai en de herrie, maar toch
bleef hij alles heel vreemd vinden. Waarom waren al die duizenden
saamgehokt in die groote stad, tusschen die hooge, steenen huizen,
die toch doode dingen waren? Buiten was het toch veel mooier, met
de boomen, en de luchten, en de horizonnen …
Somtijds kwam hem een meisje voorbij die bloemen te koop had.
Verlepte, half-doode viooltjes, ruw in een mand gepakt. En het deed
hem pijn, als de arme vogelen-lijkjes, die hij ’s middags gezien had,
die teere, lieve bloempjes van buiten, hier rondgedragen in de
benauwing, waar ze in moesten sterven. Zag dan niemand hoe
wreed dit was?
Zóó liep hij met Marcelio rond, die hem de groote Boulevards wilde
toonen, met het avond-leven, dat lawaaiend op en neer ging, en die
nu en dan even in een groote café met hem ging zitten, om hem te
gewennen aan de drukte.
Tegen tien uur ging hij een groot gebouw met hem binnen, waar in
helle, roode gas-letters vlammend het opschrift: „Théâtre des
Variétés” boven de deur prijkte.
„Nu moet ik je toch eens even een groot Café-Chantant laten zien,”
zeide Marcelio. „Het ballet van Rosita zal nu wel zoowat beginnen.”
[126]
En het was als een apothéoze voor zijn jonge, onervaren oogen.
Een vage geur van bloemen droomde nu en dan langs hem heen,
waar eene vrouw voorbijging.
Marcelio lachte somtijds tegen een mooi gekleede vrouw, die hij
scheen te kennen. Zeker eene goede vriendin, dacht Paulus.
Het plafond, hoog boven hem, leek wel een teer-groene [127]Hemel
met vreemde sterren. Honderden lichtjes van allerlei kleuren,
blauwe, roode, paarsche, gele, schenen in zachte bloem-kelken, die
uit dien lichten hemel neerbloeiden.
„Is Rosita een elf?.… een fee?.…” vroeg Paulus, verrukt. „Ze is een
hemelsch wezen!”
„Ja! breng mij bij haar!.…” riep Paulus. „Ze is zoo mooi, zoo mooi als
een lichte engel.…”
En zijn argelooze ziel wilde met een heel kuisch en rein verlangen
naar dit mooi van vrouw, zonder vreeze, zooals een wit vlindertje,
dat een groot licht gezien heeft, en trillende van zaligheid de
vleugels spreidt om naar dat verre schoon te wiegelen, dat het zoo
wonder ontroerde.
Vóór Paulus naar bed ging schoof hij nog even een gordijn open, en
keek naar buiten.