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 July 8, 2013 By Tim Urban
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The memory is vivid.

New Year’s Day, 2013. I’m going about my afternoon pleasantly,

when I open my email and a friend has forwarded me what she
calls a particularly heinous Facebook status from her news feed,
written by someone we’ll call Daniel. It read:

2012 was a biggg year for me. I left my amazing job

at NBC to move back to Chicago. I started dating my Popular Posts
angel, Jaime Holland. I started yoga (thanks Jake
Fisher & Jonah Perlstein!). I wrote an album with The AI protected by reCAPTCHA
Matthew Johannson. Wrote another album I’m proud Revolution -
Privacy - Terms
of. I got to hang with Owen Wilson, and worked with  1,157
Will Ferrell on an amazing project. Had a
conversation about Barack Obama with David Why
Gregory. Danced. Joined a kickball team. Won a
couple awards. Helped my sister plan her summer
trip. Swam a lot. Golfed a little. Cried more than you Procrastinators
Procrastinate
would think. Read The World According to Garp. Saw
Apocolypse Now. Went to Miami for the NBA Finals.  592
Drank the best orange juice I’ve ever had with Davey
Welch. Tweeted. Went to amazing weddings in The Fermi
Paradox
Upstate New York. Drank a ridiculous amount of
 1,420
milk. Learned how to make sand art. Saw a great
 light show. Saw the Angels and Lakers. Fell in love
How (and
with Jawbone Up. Cooked with Jaime. Gardened with Why)
Jaime. Watched Homeland with Jaime. Wrestled with SpaceX Will
Colonize
Jaime. Laughed for hours with Jaime. Fell in love with Mars
Jaime’s family. Worked on a play. Played World of
 976
Warcraft. Did some improv. Played a ton of the guitar.
Really just had a wild, amazing year. What a world. How to Pick
a Life
By the time I finished reading, I realized that my non-phone hand Partner
was clutching tightly to my forehead, forcefully scrunching my  315
forehead skin together. I had the same facial expression I’d have
on if someone made me watch a live event where people had their Why Gen Y
Yuppies Are
skin slowly peeled off. Unhappy
It was everything bad about everything, all at once.  1,242

But instead of distancing myself from the horror, I soaked in it. I Putting
read it again and again, fascinated by how something could be so Time In
Perspective
aggressively unappealing.
 568
It made me think about what makes terrible Facebook behavior
terrible, and why other Facebook behavior isn’t annoying at all. It How to
Name a
comes down to a pretty simple rule: Baby
A Facebook status is annoying if it primarily serves the  330
author and does nothing positive for anyone reading it.
Why You
Should Stop
Caring
What Other
People
Think
 365

Religion for
the

Nonreligious
 847

From

Muhammad to ISIS: Iraq's

Full Story
 328

To examine this a bit, let’s start by discussing the defining

The Tail End
characteristics of statuses that are not annoying.
 316
To be unannoying, a Facebook status typically has to be one of
two things:

1) Interesting/Informative

2) Funny/Amusing/Entertaining

You know why these are unannoying? Because things in those two Follow these special men
categories do something for me, the reader. They make my day a 408,687 771,601 203,395

little better.

Ideally, interesting statuses would be fascinating and original (or a

link to something that is), and funny ones would be hilarious. But
I’ll happily take mildly amusing—at least we’re still dealing with the
good guys.

On the other hand, annoying statuses typically reek of one or

more of these five motivations:

1) Image Crafting. The author wants to affect the way people

think of her.
2) Narcissism. The author’s thoughts, opinions, and life
philosophies matter. The author and the author’s life are
interesting in and of themselves.

3) Attention Craving. The author wants attention.

4) Jealousy Inducing. The author wants to make people jealous of

him or his life.

5) Loneliness. The author is feeling lonely and wants Facebook to

make it better. This is the least heinous of the five—but seeing a
lonely person acting lonely on Facebook makes me and everyone
else sad. So the person is essentially spreading their sadness, and
that’s a shitty thing to do, so it’s on the list.

Facebook is infested with these five motivations—other than a few

really saintly people, most people I know, myself certainly
included, are guilty of at least some of this nonsense here and
there. It’s an epidemic.

To lay out the most common types of offenses:

7 Ways to Be Insufferable on
Facebook

1) The Brag
Bragging is such a staple of unfortunate Facebook behavior, it
needs to be broken into three subsections:

1a) The “I’m Living Quite the Life” Brag

Description: A post making your life sound great, either in a

macro sense (got your dream job, got your degree, love your new
apartment) or a micro sense (taking off on an amazing trip, huge
weekend coming up, heading out on a fun night with friends, just
had an amazing day)

Examples:

Guess who just got her TFA acceptance letter!!!

Hawaii!
Tailgating, Giants game, night out with Dave, Matt, Paul, and
Andy. I love you, Saturday.

Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting (I’m successful; I’m

happy; I have a great social life), Jealousy Inducing

So at best, you’re just really excited about your life and you need
to tell everyone, and at worst you’re specifically hoping to make
people feel worse about their lives and jealous of yours.
Somewhere in the middle would be you calculatingly crafting your
words as part of an unendearing and transparent campaign to
make people see you in a certain way.

Let’s give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re just
excited and need to brag to someone. Even if that’s the case, the
only people it’s okay to brag to in life are your close friends,
significant other, and family members—and that’s what email,
texting, phone calls, and live talking are for. Your moment of self-
satisfaction is profoundly annoying to people you’re not that close
with, and they make up the vast majority of people who will be
subjected to the status.

1b) The Undercover Brag

Description: Like the blatant brags above except behind a frail

disguise. This includes all humblebrags, indirect brags, brags
disguised as a rant, etc.

Examples:

Apparently they now give PhDs to frauds and drunks. What a

time to be alive!
I’ll be traveling for the summer if anyone knows someone
looking to sublease a Soho apartment in July and August.
On my walk home from work, I was whistled at twice, honked
at twice, and one car almost caused an accident slowing
down to stare at me. Sometimes I really hate men.

Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting, Jealousy Inducing

On one hand, these people are at least self-aware enough to cloak

their brag in something. On the other hand, they have the same
exact core motivations as the blatant braggers and looking at
these examples actually makes the first group seem almost
lovable in comparison.

1c) The “I’m in a Great Relationship” Brag

Description: A public expression of your extremely positive
feelings for your significant other or an anecdote signifying the
perfection of your relationship.

Examples:

A surprise trip to Vermont for two nights in a cabin. All I can

say is Wow, what a boyfriend.
Thanks, Rachel, for the best year of my life.
Excited for a rainy Sunday of pizza, games, and movies with
the wife.

Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting (FYI, I have a boyfriend;

I’m in a wonderful relationship), Jealousy Inducing

The image crafting and jealousy inducing motives here are

transparent. The only less-appalling possibility could be that it’s an
attempt to strengthen the relationship itself by showing how you
feel in a more substantial way than just saying it in private. But
really? You’re gonna drag 800 of us into this shit because you
couldn’t find a more creative way to go over the top in expressing
yourself?

The one very funny possibility when it’s a guy posting is that either
he’s in trouble for something or that his girlfriend’s friend’s
boyfriend pulled some shit like this at some point and his
girlfriend has now been 10% mad at him ever since it happened,
so he finally has to just bite the bullet.

The fact is, there’s no excuse for it, because if you feel the need to
plaster your relationship all over Facebook, there are plenty of
socially acceptable ways to do so—go nuts with couple profile
photos, and enjoy three separate moments of like button and
comment applause when you change your status to “in a
relationship,” “engaged,” and “married.”

2) The Cryptic Cliffhanger

Description: A post that makes it clear that something good or

bad is happening in your life without disclosing any details.

Examples:

That’s IT. I am DONE dating.

This could be a biggggg day…
Moments like these make all of the struggle and all of the
pain worth it.
Ughhhhhhhhh

Core reasons for posting: Attention Craving

The fun part of these is watching the inevitable comments and

then watching how the author responds to them, if at all. This
process slots the author into one of four sub-categories:

The celebrity: The author stays silent, treating the

commenters like gawking fans.

800 people’s collective high-maintenance girlfriend: The

author explains everything in the comments, which means
he wanted to talk publicly about it, but he didn’t want to just
tell the public, he wanted the public to ask him about it.

The tortured protagonist: It’s something bad. The author

responds but maintains the mystery—she’s unhappy about it
and she “doesn’t feel like getting into it.”

Everybody’s special princess: It’s something exciting. The

author responds but maintains the mystery—it’s really good
and he “can’t say yet but you’ll find out soon!” Now you’ll have
an extra hop in your step as you wait for the big news with
bated breath! This is a special one because it also brings
Narcissism, Jealousy Inducing, and Image Crafting in. What a
fun person to have in your life!

3) The Literal Status Update

Description: An actual status update on someone’s mundane day.

Examples:

Off to the gym, then class reading

Dumplings!
Finally finished my paper!

Core reasons for posting: Loneliness; Narcissism; Thinking a

status update is supposed to be an actual status update
Allow me to present a visual—

“Finally finished my paper!” Okay…and? What are you looking for

here? A fake congratulation from a bunch of people who aren’t
emotionally invested in your struggle? Finishing your paper is
green territory on the above chart, or if you had been working on
it for a couple months, it might scrape the outer edges of the
orange. For 90+% of the people who will read the status, it doesn’t
come near the red territory, which is all they care about.

Off to the gym, then class reading. Oh is that what’s on tap for
tonight? Who exactly are you telling this to? I really want to get to
the bottom of this. At some point between leaving work and
arriving at the gym, you had an impulse to take out your phone
and type this status. Then you put your phone away. Tell me what
was accomplished.

We’re talking about serious blue territory here, which means that
even your mom doesn’t give a shit. A lot of annoying statuses fall
far from red territory, but they all serve the author in some way,
which is why they’re posted.

But info about your schedule doesn’t do anything to craft your

image or induce jealousy in anyone—so it just seems a lot like
Attention Craving’s sad cousin, Loneliness. I suppose it’s nice that
Facebook gives a lonely person someone to tell their day to, and if
these statuses didn’t come with the byproduct of reminding
everyone else that life is meaningless and they’re gonna die
someday, they wouldn’t have to be on this list.

The other possible explanation is severe narcissism, as if

somehow, because you’re you, even the smallest details of your
life are interesting to others. A weird part of the life of a major
celebrity is that people are obsessed with everything about them,
even their blue territory. If you’re not a major celebrity, this is not
a problem you have, I promise.

4) The Inexplicably-Public
Private Message
Description: A public posting from one person to another that
has no good reason to be public.

Examples:

I miss you! When are we hanging out?

What a weekend with Julie Epstein and Emily Rothchild. I
love my girls!
All private jokes.

Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting; Jealousy Inducing;

Narcissism; You’re over 80 and don’t realize there’s a difference
between a public post and a private message.

My grandmother aside, there is no good reason to ever do this.

Good is the key word. There are lots of very annoying reasons to
do this. Let’s list them:

To make yourself seem cool and social and make your social
life seem vibrant and fun

To show everyone what good friends you and the recipient

are

To make people jealous or feel worse about their own lives

Because you’re acting like you’re in high school and you’re

one of the popular kids whose social situation is actually an
important thing for people

The one possibility I enjoy is that the message is written to be

jealousy-inducing specifically for one individual who will likely be
seeing it, whether it be an ex or a friend they hate. That kind of
malice is so extreme it crosses over the far line and becomes
awesome.

5) The Out-Of-Nowhere Oscar Acceptance

Speech
Description: An outpouring of love for no clear reason and aimed
at no one in particular

Example: I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you who
have touched my life. Your support means everything and I
couldn’t have gotten through a lot of things in the last year
without you!
Core reasons for posting: Attention Craving

I refuse to believe you feel a genuine outpouring of love for your

800 Facebook friends. And if you felt suddenly emotional about
your best friends and family, is a public status really the way you’d
express it? Wouldn’t contacting a few people by email or text be a
lot more personal and genuine? Not relevant, because that’s not
what’s happening here.

What’s happening here can really be boiled down to, “Hey

everyone! I’m here! Hug me!” You know the inevitable response to
one of these statuses, no matter who you are, will be dozens of
like button hugs and comment arm squeezes. And isn’t that a little
needy of you? You’re not feeling loving when you write this post—
you’re feeling the need to feel loved.

The one time this is somewhat acceptable is when it’s part of a

huge collective group hug, like on Thanksgiving or Christmas. If
you open Facebook on Thanksgiving, you’ll be treated to hundreds
of Out-Of-Nowhere Oscar Acceptance Speeches. (These I could
also do without, if you’re wondering.)

6) The Incredibly Obvious

Opinion

Description: When a big event happens, a post chiming in with

the opinion we’ve heard 1,000 times.

Examples:

I feel so deeply for the Egyptian people fighting for their

right to freedom. Everyone has a right to freedom and I pray
that they prevail.
My thoughts and prayers are with the families in Newtown
after this unspeakable tragedy. I have no words to express
my sorrow for those who lost a child.
I’m disappointed about some things about Obama’s first
term, but I’m happy he was reelected and hopeful about
what his second term can bring.

Core reasons for posting: Narcissism; Image Crafting (I’m the

kind of person that has this particular opinion or reaction; I’m
smart and I can say adult things)
These are annoying because A) you’re not saying anything
remotely original or interesting on an event the media is already
flooding our airways about, covering every possible angle, and B)
you’re now making a huge, and often tragic event, partially about
you. The sadness you’re feeling about the massacre of children
isn’t really a key piece of the puzzle here, and you need not
describe to us what the event looks like through your personal
lens, especially when the lens is just transparent glass—if I want a
side dish of narcissism along with my tragedy, I’ll just read
celebrity tweets about the event.

7) The Step Toward

Enlightenment

Description: An unsolicited nugget of wisdom.

Examples:

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ~Buddha

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your
own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and
he will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:5-6
I don’t see what the big deal is about new years and people
claiming how different they are going to be next year. If you
want to better yourself it shouldn’t matter what day of the
year it is…. Me? Im going to be the same person I am today
tomorrow.

Core reasons for posting: Image Crafting; Narcissism

Oh, where to begin.

First of all, let’s be entirely clear that there is no humility involved

in a Step Toward Enlightenment post simply because you might be
quoting someone else—the clear patronizing message is, “Ahh
hello Facebook Friends. I am one who knows the secrets of life—
allow me to teach you so that you too can one day find
enlightenment.”

Secondly—you know what inspires people? You achieving

something incredible and letting it be an example and inspiration
to others. For your words alone to be inspirational, you need to be
a gifted speaker or writer who really has something original to say
—and we both know that’s not you. So for you to consider yourself
an inspirational character by simply posting trite quotes is, well,
flagrantly narcissistic. You’re assuming that you, just by being you,
are inspirational.

Thirdly, let’s get to your real motive with these statuses—Image

Crafting. You want people to see how enlightened you are and
admire the spiritual journey you’re on.

***
Our friend Daniel’s post was quite a feat—in one simple
paragraph, he sliced through my soul, accomplishing nearly every
terrible status type and motivation discussed above. The thing is,
though, that if you looked right below his post, all you saw were
likes and a couple friendly comments.

And that’s why insufferable Facebook behavior will never go away

—there’s no dislike button or eye-roll button or middle finger
button on Facebook, and it’s bad form to be too much of a dick in
the comments below a status. So annoying statuses are just
positively reinforced, and people remain un-self-aware that they
regularly bring down the quality of everyone else’s life.

The bigger point here is that the qualities of annoying statuses are
normal human qualities—everyone needs to brag to someone
here and there, everyone has moments of weakness when they
need attention or feel lonely, and everyone has some downright
ugly qualities that are gonna come out at one time or another.

And that’s why you have people who love you.

The thing that Daniel and most others haven’t internalized is the
fact that if they have 800 Facebook friends, only about 10 or 15
love them. For an especially lovable person, maybe it’s as high as
30. Between 1 and 4%. That means that between 96 and 99% of
your Facebook friends DO NOT LOVE YOU.

People who don’t love you don’t care about you or your day or
your life that much, they’re probably not especially rooting for
you, and they certainly want nothing to do with your worst
qualities. And you doing something purely to serve your
emotional or egotistical needs really should not show up on their
computer screen—it just shouldn’t.

Okay, gotta go. Off to the gym, then dinner, then home, then bed.

If you liked this, check out:

Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy

The Great Perils of Social Interaction

Why You Secretly Hate Cool Bars

11 Awkward Things About Email

_______

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To support Wait But Why, visit our Patreon page.

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 48 Share Best Newest Oldest

ethan anderson − ⚑
7 years ago

i have a question about this, what about sharing content from this
blog on facebook? would that be ok? or is that considered bad?
what if i want to share inspiration not because i think im great, but
because i want to help people and i found it useful?

42 0 Reply ⥅

Bald Bull − ⚑
8 years ago

I'd be interested in seeing examples of what the author would

consider "non annoying" posts. Please enlighten me.

58 1 Reply ⥅

D
Doug − ⚑
10 years ago

I avoid Facebook because i find that it has become an avenue for

people to share news that...
1. ...isn't theirs:
"Did you hear about Amy's husband? "
2. ...shouldn't be shared publicly
"I can't stand my sister!"
3. ...isn't news
"Look at what i just pullef out of the microwave!"

I kinda think you live in me-centered world if you think people

need/want to see a pic of the meal the waitress brought you, that
you are taking off of work early, or that you're headed out for a
long trip (btw: thieves love the latter post/invitation).

I guess what really bothers me is that social networks are hurting

real relationships. The quantity of time and quality of words (or
lack thereof) is mind-boggling.

Please, stop posting on FB that you are having a playday at the

park with your child... your not! He's sitting in the swing begging
you to push him while you are on a bench 20 feet away staring at
a phone hoping to get a dozen "likes" and a possible mother-of-
the-year nomination.

And stop using FB to slam people! Seriously, the "I'm so mad at

my _______ (mom/husband/brother/boss/friend/daughter)" post.
Be a grown up and go talk TO them instead of talking ABOUT
them. Marriage in trouble? Maybe you should put down the phone
and talk to your spouse instead of posting it!

So much more to say but I'll stop lest I become that which I
loathe. Please folks, we have children to swing, spouses to love
and friends to make. We don't need a post, a like, or a tweet. Look
up and be all there.

38 0 Reply ⥅
 Lefthanded Jeff − ⚑
9 years ago edited

I read this piece immediately after reading the one about our
internal mammoths, and how to overcome them to embrace our
Authentic Voice instead. I loved that piece. It was full of
acceptance of humanness, and rejection of the shaming of
others. Then I read this piece. It struck me as an odd disconnect
from the other piece. It seems to have been written by the
mammoth. It purports to mind-read why other people post things.
It assumes the most negative motivations. And it's all about why
people shouldn't post their feelings and experiences for fear of
how others will interpret them. It's full of shame and shaming. It
seems designed to fill people full of anxiety about what they post
and why, and resentment about what others' post and why. To me,
it's just got mammoth-as-source written all over it. As much as I
liked the mammoth piece I dislike this one. It does not speak to
my own personal experience of Facebook at all. But that's just
me.

69 3 Reply ⥅

Brian Duff > Lefthanded Jeff 9 years ago

− ⚑
Damn. I had the same exact experience/opinion.

16 0 Reply ⥅

TG
This guy I know − ⚑
9 years ago

Hold up a second. I get that for a vast majority of people, the

things that go on your facebook profile are uninspiring,
narcissistic and irrelevant, and 90% of your friends don't want to
see 90% of your posts. But often, we're friends online with people
we're, well, friends with. And for a complete stranger, I don't need
to hear extensive bragging, or the minutes of your Thursday
evening navel-gazing, but the point of social media is to let people
look at your life. If I wanted entertainment, I'd turn on the TV. If I
wanted to be informed, I'll read a book. I'm on Facebook because I
want to know the things that are happening in the lives of people I
know, and people I otherwise wouldn't have much opportunity to
meet with, and I don't think I'm an anomaly. If the people on your
friends list don't care about the things on your profile, then the
friends list is where the problem's at.

43 1 Reply ⥅

Huttj509 > This guy I know 9 years ago

− ⚑
Yeah, for me 90% of the people on facebook are people I
know personally, and consider friends (I need to do a
cull, I don't know why I have my mother's flute repair
person on my list). For some of them it's a way to keep
in touch/appraised over long distances. i LIKE knowing
that my cousin's hosted beer party went well (they home
brew). i LIKE knowing that my friend from growing up
got his nurse certification stuff. i LIKE knowing that a
college friend will be in town for the weekend, if anyone
wants to do lunch. i LIKE knowing how another friend's
auditions are going.

People who don't properly set up lists/groups for who

gets what messages? That gets annoying, sure.

11 1 Reply ⥅

N
Nikki − ⚑
10 years ago

Didi I Miss the "SELFIE" every two hours catagory????

27 0 Reply ⥅

Frank Turner − ⚑
5 years ago

Isn't all social media posting ultimately about image crafting?

25 0 Reply ⥅
 L
L. L. > Frank Turner 5 years ago
− ⚑
NO! Authentic people are authentic. Image crafting types
image-craft with whatever the present situation offers . .
. everywhere and anywhere they are.

6 4 Reply ⥅

B
baarg − ⚑
9 years ago

Author is spot on. Why else would people react so badly to the
article? If you post things on Facebook like what's above, take a
good look within and ask yourself, truly, why are you doing it. If
you have some introspection, you'll realize why, if you didn't I'll tell
you: you want positive reinforcement, and you are looking in the
wrong place.

48 2 Reply ⥅

M
Moorkan Ettadi > baarg 9 years ago
− ⚑
Wow, man. I completely agree with you. Author is spot
on.
I see a lot of pissed off people in these hate comments

17 0 Reply ⥅

Matt
9 years ago
> Moorkan Ettadi − ⚑

Hehehehe. It's the best part.

3 0 Reply ⥅

Marina Mnišek − ⚑
4 years ago

It's curious, can someone find an example of a post that DOESN'T

fall under one of the categories of insufferable Fb posts the
author has described?

24 0 Reply ⥅

F
Faraz Hussain
3 years ago
> Marina Mnišek − ⚑

This article would not fall under any of these categories

because it educates us.

2 3 Reply ⥅

Joseph Michael
3 years ago
− ⚑
> Faraz Hussain

It actually doesn't.

4 0 Reply ⥅

Aaron M. Litz − ⚑
5 years ago

Every damn thing about Facebook is insufferable.

24 0 Reply ⥅

T
tony − ⚑
9 years ago

Sorry author but you're missing the whole point of Facebook and
social media. It is truly all about image crafting, narcissism,
attention craving, jealousy inducing and feeling less lonely. If we
followed all these guidelines, then we wouldn't be posting
anything. If you're irritated by these things, you shouldn't be on
Facebook.

44 2 Reply ⥅

C
CloudaneUK > tony − ⚑
9 years ago

I think it's quite a natural thing. I was just pondering this

list and thinking "hmm, I don't really want people to think
of me as annoying, maybe I should take notice of some
of this". But.. isn't that in itself 'image crafting'? So by
 thinking about it and changing your behaviour, it can still
be about image crafting, so.. I don't really know if there's
much point. All in all it's worth thinking about and trying
to make things benefit the reader more, but not worth
worrying about IMO.

2 1 Reply ⥅

N
Nerk − ⚑
3 years ago

I come for the article, but I stay for the comically defensive
comments from people who seem unable or unwilling to deal with
an uncomfortable look in the mirror.

19 0 Reply ⥅

B
Bhavya Shetty − ⚑
4 years ago

Tim Urban, you tortured me with this post. I am guilty as charged.

I felt embarassed, i felt ashamed, i also laughed a lot. Thanks for
this enlightening post. I needed the "what is okay to post on social
media and why" awareness... not taught in school and clearly
most of us don't know how to do it well.

28 1 Reply ⥅

JJJ − ⚑
9 years ago edited

I think Tim is missing a very big point: what people will find
interesting and of value varies. He's making the assumption that
knowing details about people's lives - what he says should be
limited to sharing with close friends and family via text or email -
isn't interesting to a broader Facebook group. While that may be
true that 100% of your FB friends aren't going to care about your
new job or your trip to Kathmandu or your new baby, to say that
only your closest friends need to know that information isn't
accurate. I like reading about high school friends' lives on FB - I
like knowing what's going on in their lives. I'm not close with
anymore enough to be on an email list, but still like knowing
what's happening with them, because they are a part of my
personal history. Tim may not be interested in that, but plenty of
people are interested in it. I ran into a friend's ex-boyfriend that I'm
still FB friends with once and he would reference posts mutual
friends and I had made on FB - he was paying attention to our
lives even though he isn't in them so much. And there's nothing
wrong or bad about that - it's a nice advantage of social media.

36 2 Reply ⥅

L
Leah − ⚑
4 years ago

I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate here and say this is kind of what
most social media platforms are. A bit self serving, proud, over
sharing, excit

17 0 Reply ⥅

Michael Wilcox − ⚑
6 years ago

I wish you would do a second part about good Facebook posts

with examples. After all the bad ones you covered, it seems like
nothing is left to post.

Thanks and keep up your writing. I am enjoying your insights.

(Hmmm, maybe your articles are just the examples I am
requesting.)

17 0 Reply ⥅

mom2luke > Michael Wilcox 5 years ago

− ⚑
yes, please. I felt scolded .... I try not to do all those
things. But maybe I have.

But also Facebook has changed the way it will allow me

to upload a vacation album, so now it bombards my
 friends with several posts including just a few of the
photos instead of just 1--even if I make it "just me" while
I upload photos and write captions. When I change
settings to "friends and friends of friends" it says "Susan
just added 3 photos to x photo album" Susan just added
4 photos to x photo album" which makes me look far
more braggy than I want. I just want a photo album I can
look back on. I know I could make the privacy settings
just me and the people tagged and keep them that way,
but then they can't share either.
And guess what ? I DO like to see my friends' vacation
photos --maybe not all 75 of them, but enough to see
what they're doing and maybe live vicariously to see
their trip to Antarctica or base camp of Mt Everest (true
stories).

I don't want to feel like I'm a narcissist. or lonely. or

trying to make people jealous when posting my vacation
album.
I think by now most of us know that behind all those
happy smiling photos there's still usually some sort of
shitshow/pain/difficulties behind them we don't show.
"Life is difficult"
Tips on how to be funny would be nice.
I actually thought of sharing the cartoon of the banana!
that's funny :) hahaha with a link to this article, but I don't
want to scold my friends!

2 0 Reply ⥅

B
Brene > mom2luke 5 years ago
− ⚑
But why are you assuming they expect you to
see 75 travel photos? If they want to post 75
photos for themselves that's what their social
media is for, just stop clicking past 5 photos if
you get bored? I don't understand why so many
people have issues with these things when you
can simply harness the one thing you can
control: how you spend your time.

2 0 Reply ⥅

Bronwyn Carnell − ⚑
9 years ago

So if you follow all of these rules then what exactly would people
post! There is nothing left. LOL

17 0 Reply ⥅

Julian > Bronwyn Carnell 9 years ago

− ⚑
Things that uplift, inspire, teach or amuse. Things that
do something positive for the reader - that are shared to
benefit the reader.

5 0 Reply ⥅

A
ang HIRAP
9 years ago
> Julian
− ⚑

Why should you post with the reader in mind?

And why should you, the reader, should expect
all posts to be of benefit to you? A bit
narcissistic, and hypocritical too seeing as
narcissism is one of the qualities being pointed
out here.

8 1 Reply ⥅

Julian
9 years ago
> ang HIRAP
− ⚑

ang HIRAP, I think you've missed the

context of my comment.

I answered a statement that "There is

nothing left [to post]" if the
narcissism / image-crafting items are
removed. To answer that, I gave
examples of other types of posts that
can be made.

To answer your comment, I think

you've misinterpreted me:
Do I expect every post from other
people to be good for -me-? Of course
not. They have probably hundreds of
other friends who that post may be
good for; I'm just one of many people
on their list.

Even if all their posts were written

with readers in mind, only a fraction
of their posts would be good for me
personally.

You asked "Why should you post with

the reader in mind?"
You don't have to.

It depends on whether you want to be

read and respected, I guess.

Offline, people who are self-absorbed

and uninterested in others aren't
people I'm interested in being around.
(I'm not uncommon there.)
In good conversations, I expect that
the focus will shift between the
people involved, and that it will aim to
include everyone involved. The ability
to do this is one definition of a good
conversationalist, and it applies
equally online or off.

Finally, there's the writer's self-

interest. There's so much content out
there, compared to the amount of
time people have to read it. If there's
not enough that they find interesting
in a source, people will read
something else.

62 0 Reply ⥅

JJJ > Julian 9 years ago

− ⚑
Seeing updates on people's lives that I am no
longer close enough with to be someone they
would personally text with an update - e.g.
most people from high school - is a benefit to
me, as the reader. I like knowing what's
happening with them because I like them as
people. Tim assumes that this isn't the case -
that those posts intrinsically only serve the
poster and not the reader - and that is false. He
personally may not see a benefit in them, but
his preferences are not true for everyone.

4 1 Reply ⥅

Alexander Dumbass
8 years ago
− ⚑
> JJJ
 Not at all. I like seeing meaningful or
fun updates. Actually, if people
treated Facebook like an actual
conversation, it would go a lot better.
If you ran into a high school
classmate you hadn't seen in years,
would you immediately start telling
him about how into going to the gym
you have been for a month, or about
how your girlfriend dumped you and
you're alone and sad? Fuck no. If
someone posts "Just got my teaching
degree!" that's good, that isn't
bragging. You'd say that to someone
in real life, to which they'd probably
give you a genuine "congrats!"

1 0 Reply ⥅

B
BKDenver > Bronwyn Carnell 9 years ago
− ⚑
Something like this "The famous White Cliffs of Dover
stand guard at the Gateway to England. Millions pass
through Dover each year on their journey to or from the
continent. In some places over 300 feet high, the White
Cliffs are a symbol of the United Kingdom and a
reassuring sight to travellers."

2 0 Reply ⥅

S
Scott71
8 years ago
> BKDenver − ⚑

That's a joke, right?

0 1 Reply ⥅

S
Secruoser > Bronwyn Carnell 9 years ago
− ⚑
A TED talk that helps to inspire people, a good article
like this, something good/bad that happened in your city
but lacking of news coverage about, a recipe for a dish
with an ORIGINAL touch, or if it contains nutritions that
not many people realize, how to repair something or
quick fix tips that can help others, and I can think of
many more all day.

A quick way to test is to ask yourself before posting "is

this going to help everyone/most people in some way, or
is it going to make people feel bad about their lives?"

1 2 Reply ⥅

JJJ > Secruoser 9 years ago

− ⚑
We're assuming that those things are
interesting to people. Those things are
interesting to SOME people, not all. Looking at
baby pictures is interesting to some people, not
all. Most any type of post can serve different
viewers - this list is a list of posts that Tim
personally finds insufferable, but not what
everyone finds insufferable.

5 0 Reply ⥅

S
Scott71
8 years ago
> Secruoser − ⚑

Good for you that you can think of many more.

Who made you the arbiter of what I need to
know? You must be a real hoot at a party.

3 0 Reply ⥅

Jheny Cielo
9 years ago
> Bronwyn Carnell
− ⚑

You can share this post. :)

0 0 Reply ⥅
S
Saurabh − ⚑
3 years ago edited

Just a reminder to everyone that this is a post from 2013. And

Facebook was full of posts like this. I've definitely been and still
am guilty of posting statuses like this :-P

I love the writing style, and the annoyed-with-people affect that

you employ makes this highly entertaining :-D

To echo another commenter below, don't water down your style!

Your key points are valid here and I think we're at an unfortunate
time where we nitpick and get offended by individual lines rather
than appreciate t the overall humour and insights of a post.

16 0 Reply ⥅

R
Reva Rowley − ⚑
6 years ago

I agree with the cliffhangers and sob stories being obnoxious. But
I go on facebook to see what my friends are doing. I don't go on
facebook to be informed. I can get more reliable info someplace
other than facebook. To me, he didn't cover the most annoying
types of posts: (1) Fake news, (2) canned goods--if you've seen it,
your friends probably have, too, (3) sick and abused children or
pets, (4) results from game apps that steal my data, (5) anything
that the person hasn't verified before sharing. Actually, sharing is
one of the biggest offenders. I'd rather see something original.
And posting about your great trip does NOT make me jealous! If
I'm your friend, I rejoice in all your accomplishments and fun.
Bring it on--communicate--socialize!

16 0 Reply ⥅

M
Mego − ⚑
8 years ago

Are you sure you don't just not really like your Facebook friends?

Although I don't personally post much of facebook, most of the

things you argue against I rather like seeing. I like to know what
has made my friends happy recently, where they've been
travelling, milestones and life changes, etc. I don't even mind
seeing people trying make a coffee date on each others' walls
instead of in a PM -- it's nice to see people I care about making
time to spend time together. (Vaguebooking annoys me though, I
have to admit!)

16 0 Reply ⥅

Seth Schmidt-O'Hainle − ⚑
4 years ago

Except I've only got 14 facebook friends, all of whom love me and
legitimately care about these kinds of things, because it's stupid
and pointless to have "friends" who aren't really your friends. (That
said, I make insufferable posts all the time and I am rethinking my
life now.)

24 1 Reply ⥅

CT
Comment that got too long − ⚑
9 years ago

I really like this blog but this post is just so weird. People shouldn't
post inspiring quotes because that's unoriginal and boring. They
should instead inspire people by their own achievements, but the
e-mail (having a year filled with amazing experiences) and the first
example (reaching a big milestone) are both cringe worthy
because they are bragging?
So, for people to not be annoying they should only post funny,
interesting and original material to facebook, without mentioning
popular opinions (ex Barack Obama), social issues (ex Egypt,
street harrassment- which gets categorized as bragging btw?) or
their personal lives (talking about promotions, their loved ones,
hanging out with friends etc). What's left?
Not to mention how much this whole post contradicts the whole
mammoth thing, about how you should just be yourself and not
care about what others might think and how judgy people only
feed their own insecurities and how what they might say about
you has more to do with their own problems than yours.

Side note: this post only makes sense if you're friends with a
bunch of strangers. If your friends list only consists of people you
might actually talk to if you got to meet them more often, it's more
likely that you are more interested in what they are posting (and
vice versa). And if you aren't, you can simply unfollow or unfriend
them.

30 2 Reply ⥅

hjbhk
9 years ago
> Comment that got too long
− ⚑

Can you hear the sound of this article's point flying right
over your head? From my perspective, and I'm sure many
others' perspectives, it's deafening, like a Boeing jet in
Taipei.

You've thrown out so many fallacies I'll try to sum them

up by addressing the core. The core message of this
article is that most of the people on your facebook
friends list, unless it is like 30 people long, don't give a
shit about your day to day existence. Which isn't to say
they mean you harm or unwell, but it is to say that there
is no time for all the irrelevant thoughts and emotions
you will experience during the day.

The people who are willing to care about your day, your
random thoughts and emotions etc, are your family,
friends, and loved ones. They can spend this time on you
because they enjoy your company and maybe love you,
and to an extent you reciprocate this time, effort, and
enjoyment.

So, given that most people don't want to read about your
fucking bagel, perhaps it would be thoughtful of you not
to tell them about it. Do you tell someone you used to
know in primary school about your last gym session in
the normal course of things? If you are going to send a
message out to potentially hundreds of people, it should
have something in it you think a significant proportion of
that group will either enjoy seeing, or should see.

Anything else is BY DEFINITION, selfish and unhelpful.

Use your close friends and family for unloading all your
minutia and grievances, and don't look to trick people
about the nature of your life by image crafting.

Have a shred of introspection and notice your own

emotions as you read the vapid crap that falls over your
facebook feed.

18 5 Reply ⥅

LtTawnyMadison − ⚑
6 years ago

i have mixed feelings about this article. On one hand, he did make
some good points about how not to post pointless things (like
"going to the gym, then home" or "uggggh"), and of course that
first example was extreme. On the other hand, pretty much none
of the types of posts that he called "insufferable" bother me in the
least, and I enjoy them quite often. I think maybe the reason for
this is that I follow ONLY my closest friends, so that is all that
shows up in my newsfeed, and I don't feel jealous of the good
things in their lives. And I don't care who follows me or not, and if
they don't care to see my posts, they can unfollow me. I don't feel
bad about posting these types "self-serving" posts sometimes,
because in any medium, friendship is a two-way street: you're
there for others and they are there for you. It's not always about
what I am getting out of their posts, or vice versa; sometimes it is
about supporting them and caring about them just for their sake.
99% of my FB interactions are with my close friends or family.

Here I will post a quote which sums up my reaction to this article,

 thus breaking rule #7:
“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
— Bernard Baruch

15 0 Reply ⥅

LtTawnyMadison
6 years ago
> LtTawnyMadison
− ⚑

P.S. I will add, though, that I'm aware that studies show
that Facebook usage contributes directly to depression
because of the impression it gives that others' lives are
better than yours - because of course they're not posting
all the negative (besides big events) or boring things. I
just haven't noticed this being an issue for me
personally, maybe because my newsfeed is extremely
limited - or I just don't realize it.

3 0 Reply ⥅

Glasa Gottschalk
6 years ago
> LtTawnyMadison − ⚑

Nicely put LtTawny. I have to say that I enjoy some of

these. Especially quotes or uplifting words. Some, as
stated above, are completely self serving, and at times
comical.

1 0 Reply ⥅

theradicalace − ⚑
7 years ago

15 0 Reply ⥅

K
keryn − ⚑
9 years ago

That's why I unFacebook. I see absolutely no value in participating

or reinforcing its existence.

15 0 Reply ⥅

J
Jeff Doe − ⚑
9 years ago

I don't really get it. I get these things are shallow and a cry for
attention but every fucking thing on facebook is that. Even *gasp*
this article!
The whole thing is just for someone to get applause just like every
other fucking conversation out there.
I get sick of this self righteous bullshit posted time and again
criticizing the whole human race for wanting a pat on the back.

Ofcourse this is why people go to facebook! Life is hard...they

want a fucking atta boy once jn a while and they want it through
cheap pixalated letters from a collective of people!

And there isn't anything wrong with that as long as you don't
spend every waking second jerking off to facebook, or forums and
youtube.

Honestly where do these sane people exist that are humble,

charitable, happy, and fullfilled. I have never seen it in one young
person like myself ever.

Yet we all expect ourselves and everyone else to be the living

incarnation of socrates, mother theresa, and rambo.
 People are so fucked up now and insecure I hit the like button just
to give the poor bastards what they want, maybe it was good
maybe it wasn't, who cares. And yes I enjoy seeing likes to
something I wrote as well.

Heres a quote you can eat, "lifes a bitch and then you die so hit
the fucking like button and stop asking why"- Anonymous (Me)

Now...wheres the like button for this article...don't wanna be rude

47 5 Reply ⥅

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