Leyna Ngo

Mr. Strosnider

ERWC Period 1

10 January 2024
SPEP: Scholarship Essay

Original Essay

Prompt: When one ponders the idea of patriotism, what does it mean to you? Use evidence from

the sources to create an argumentative essay.

I believe that I got a B on this essay because I struggled with my commentary and

supporting my evidence. Although I got most of my points across, I do think that I can improve

by carefully going through and making sure that I have done my best to thoroughly present my

claims to make them flow throughout my essay.

Revised Essay

The term “patriot” is often signified as a person never losing faith in our country,

supporting it in good times or bad, showing respect and devotion, and honoring those who served

in the defense of this nation although it is more than just a definition. In times of crisis,

patriotism unites us as it brings us together as a whole while putting our differences aside to help

others in need. The act of patriotism and feeling patriotic are things which make a stronger

nation, and furthermore make our country stronger, considering the events that took place on

9/11 and throughout history. In order to have a strong and successful country, patriotism is the
key to a thriving country. It is demonstrated in momentous occasions such as national

emergencies and disasters, worldwide pandemics, and wars.

To begin, the 9/11 boatlift is an excellent example of patriotism as the people didn’t see

themselves as a revolt against each other, but instead people helped each other from all different

backgrounds which upheld the value of equality and nationalism. President George Bush

explains how rescue workers and strangers helped in “any way they could” during the tragedy in

Manhattan, New York. This exemplifies how they risked their lives after the attacks on the world

trade center by getting people away from the ruins (Bush). Over 500,000 boats helped ferry

people off Manhattan Island and became the biggest boat rescue in history. Subsequently, Bush

shows how the attack of 9/11 tried to “fight our nation” but they couldn’t and “failed” as people

showed kindness and devoted their lives to save other people in need (Bush). The president

reminded everyone that we came together as a whole, and that’s what our country, the United

States of America stands for.

Not to mention, American patriots fought for their rights and freedom when the

Declaration of Independence was made, presenting how patriotism is further expressed in the

nation. In an article I read, the author reminded me that past American patriots and their sons

owned slaves, but Sarah Vowell says “a nation born with freedom would permit the enslavement

of human beings'' and we should have a universal love for people (Vowell). A truth that us

American citizens believe is that all of us are equal and we should fight for the freedom of all.

Vowell also uses the reference of President Lincoln as he “never once stopped believing in the

Declaration of Independence ideals” which helped many realize that slavery and any form of

racism is wrong. Our nation stands by how one is created equal from the rest, no matter your skin

color, ethnicity, or background and it should not matter in any negative way.
 The Declaration of Independence states that all people are created equal, shown in the

Bill of Rights gives unalienable rights. In this script, ”We the people, in order to create a more

perfect union” justifies that we are a whole union that must come together. America fights for

freedom to those who do not have it so everyone has rights. Sarah states that ”Life, liberty, and

the pursuit of happiness” also demonstrates that the belief that any religion in America is allowed

as it’s a free country. The morals of a true patriot consist of being thoughtful of others, courteous,

and respectful. While our country is still developing, patriotism plays a huge role in decreasing

corruption when excluding adverse or egotistical intentions. Ever since its founding, patriotism is

ingrained and continues to be crucial today. As Bush described how our nation thrives today and

is strong, it is due to the “citizens of America” (Bush).

The Webster dictionary’s definition of patriotism states that it is one who devotes love,

support, and defense of their country or national loyalty. However, the true meaning of a patriot

is someone who stands with their country no matter what to make it flourish, even when things

get difficult. A person showing patriotism is emphasized through their decisions and choices they

make. Having one’s own opinions towards a subject rather than going with the votes of the

majority of the people.

Patriotism is best justified as a purpose, action, or a determination which persuades one

who supports our country to do what is right for themselves and others. America stands for

patriotism as it makes one remember how each hardship that America has faced has influenced

our nation to make it stronger.

 Reflection

In my essay, I tried my best to not only change the grammar but rewrote it so my idea in

this essay gets across thoroughly. This improved my essay drastically because I believe that it

was originally unclear and not to the point. One of the skills that I have now that have helped me

improve my essay is being able to stay on topic and clearly present my evidence with good

commentary, and with my changes to my original essay, I think that I have written it to my best

ability.

Over these 4 years, I have noticed that my writing has improved. During my freshman

year, I noticed that I struggled with being able to find good evidence to support my claim and

explain the evidence. As I got more used to writing and more essays being assigned to me, I

believe that this really helped me improve and obtain my writing style.