Evaluation Report

Cohesion and Coherence - 7.0

Summary
The essay presents information logically, explaining the details in an understandable sequence, and using
cohesive devices correctly most of the time.They also maintain a clear overview of the topic.

Suggestions
- The overall trend can be made more concise and crisp.
- Avoid jumping between ideas without proper transition.
- Maintain a clear time sequence while discussing data.

Revisions
- ..."Overall, most people consumed their fast foods in restaurants once a week and one or two times in a
month over the time frame."
Suggested Revision: Overall, it was observed that most people in the US frequented fast food restaurants
either once a week or one to two times a month over the given period.
Explanation: Consolidated the sentence by identifying it as an observed trend.

- ..."There was a remarkable margin in this graph between daily consumers, or those who had not been to
restaurants, and the remaining frequencies mentioned above."
Suggested Revision: There was a significant disparity between the daily consumers or those who had not
been to restaurants and rest of the eating out frequencies aforementioned.
Explanation: Enhanced the sentence by stating disparity rather than the margin and using
'aforementioned'.

- ..."In 2003, over 30% of people had to eat out once a week, compared to the remaining two years, which
witnessed percentages of well over 32% and just under 30%."
Suggested Revision: In 2003, over 30% of people ate out once a week, a figure that rose to slightly over
32% in the succeeding two years, before falling just under 30%.
Explanation: Removed the phrase 'had to' implying mandatory eating out and added a clearer timeline.

Lexical Resource - 8.0

Summary
The candidate demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the task. There is also a good use of
idiomatic phrases and collocations.

Revisions
- ..."There was a remarkable margin in this graph between daily consumers."
Suggested Revision: There was a noticeable disparity in this graph between daily consumers.
Explanation: A disparity provides a better word choice for comparison than margin.

- ..."In 2003, over 30% of people had to eat out once a week."
Suggested Revision: In 2003, over 30% of people chose to eat out once a week.
Explanation: The phrase 'chose to' is a more appropriate description than 'had to' as it is less definitive.

- ..."Individuals visiting local restaurants monthly also showed a similar pattern."

Suggested Revision: Individuals who frequented local restaurants on a monthly basis also demonstrated
a similar trend.
Explanation: The verb 'frequented' is a more suitable word for visiting often while 'trend' is more fitting
than pattern.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7.0

Summary
Most sentences are error-free with a mix of complex and simple sentences. The correct use of certain
prepositions and subject-verb agreement needs improvement.

Revisions
- ..."In 2003, over 30% of people had to eat out once a week."
Suggested Revision: In 2003, over 30% of people chose to eat out once a week.
Explanation: The use of 'had to' is inappropriate here. 'Chose to' would be better.

- ..."Regarding a proportion of individuals eating out a few times a week, they accounted for over 15% in
the initial standing."
Suggested Revision: Regarding individuals who ate out a few times a week, they constituted over 15% at
the outset.
Explanation: The use of 'a proportion of' is redundant here. 'Accounted for' is better replaced by
'constituted'.

- ..."The percentages of people who consumed fast foods at restaurants several times a year contributed
to less than 15% in 2003."
Suggested Revision: The percentage of people consuming fast food at restaurants several times a year
was less than 15% in 2003.
Explanation: Phrase 'contributed to' is inappropriate here. A simple 'was' more suitable in reporting the
data.

Task Achievement - 7.0

Summary
The essay accurately addresses the task with good support of key features. However, it would be
beneficial to provide clear comparison between groups instead of individual data analysis.

Suggestions
- Provide a clear comparison between different categories.
- Avoid too detailed explanation of each percentage.
- Try to group data whenever possible.

TR CC LR GRA Overall
7.0 7.0 8.0 7.0 7.0