To Live

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/18059252.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Categories: Gen, M/M
Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Jeon Jungkook/Jung Hoseok | J-
Hope, Jeon Jungkook & Everyone, Jeon Jungkook/Everyone
Characters: Jeon Jungkook, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Kim Namjoon | RM, Min Yoongi
| Suga, Park Jimin (BTS), Kim Seokjin | Jin, Kim Taehyung | V
Additional Tags: Time Travel, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe
- Time Travel, Pre-Debut BTS, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes,
jungkook just wants his hyungs to be happy, slowburn, Dimension
Travel, Self-Esteem Issues, Starvation, Self-Doubt, Self-Reflection,
Physical Abuse, Past Abuse, Past Drug Use, Past Alcohol
Abuse/Alcoholism, jungkook has been emotionally hurt before, he kinda
hates his hyungs, but hes learning to love them again, Awkwardness,
theres a little bit of romance, but its only for character development,
jungkook has had a crush for a lifetime and a half, Panic Attacks, Mental
Breakdown, jungkook goes back to 2011, jungkook is 13 again,
Depression, Angst, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Suicide,
Implied/Referenced Overdose, this isn't entirely dark, Fluff, Fluff and
Angst, there's happy moments, i just cant write fluff without angst, Jeon
Jungkook is a Little Shit, Jeon Jungkook-centric, Platonic Relationships,
Except for hopekook that's romantic, Platonic Love
Language: English
Collections: Sad Recomendations
Stats: Published: 2022-07-10 Updated: 2024-02-25 Words: 49,801 Chapters:
18/?
 To Live
by peachihobi

Summary

Jungkook sees his hyungs and despises them. Still he loves them because that's all he's ever
been able to do.

These teens aren't his hyungs, but they could be and that thought scares him like no other for
multiple reasons.

****

in which 30 yr old Jungkook goes back to his 13 yr old body to make sure his hyungs don't
self destruct while looking for themselves in the chaos of the idol life.

Notes

This is fiction, not everything reflects the real BTS in terms of personalities/personas.
Future!BTS is not based off of irl BTS. The only parallels present are the accomplishments
and music.

See the end of the work for more notes

 134340
Chapter Summary

He has a whole lot to do before he can be happy.

Chapter Notes

edits: July 10, 2022

*grammar and writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝We were together just up until yesterday.❞

-134340

At first, Jungkook thinks it's a hallucination. A few days later, he thinks this is just a really
long dream. It isn't until the second week, when he accidentally injures himself while
practicing, that he feels pain. This terrifies Jungkook for the sole reason that pain means
reality, reality means that he somehow aged backward by 20 years. (read: time traveled, but
he'd rather not make his poor brain explode) That's two decades. Decades. He doesn't know
what happened, and it's scary to think that he's living in a time when he's alone and unaware
of what to do with his life because who is Jeon Jungkook if not an idol loved and hated by
many?

He wishes he knew the answer, but even two decades later he has yet to know who Jeon
Jungkook really is.

His only obvious solution to this mess is to ignore it. He pretends this is normal because it
seems like an option that will help him keep his sanity intact.

(Inside? He's just screaming at himself for being an idiot).

Slowly, as time passes by, the pain eases away. The epiphany of being in the past fades into
the back of his mind after a few days as Jungkook resumes practicing in his thirteen-year-old
body. Jungkook loses himself to the dancing he has to learn, the extra hours of bodybuilding
and vocal classes that he loves with a passion. It's not that he doesn't care --no, he cares a lot,
but he doesn't have the luxury to stop and think much about the fact that he's in the past. So
naturally, he ignores his bubbling thoughts, smothers his feelings, and focuses on other
things. Like getting into the future group; BTS.

It's a sunny day in Seoul, July being a warm month but still cold enough for Jungkook to
wear sweaters on his way to the dance room. His body aches and he lacks the energy to
practice, but he wills himself to. Not because he's reaching towards his dream of being an
idol, but because he isn't doing it for himself anymore. That was a younger and naïve
Jungkook from the past. All the hard work, sleepless nights, and constant practicing are for
his to-be-hyungs. His former bandmates.

Jungkook sighs as he turns the corner and nears the worn-down building, spotting a few
trainees chatting in front. Jungkook has always been a quiet and shy kid that's always alone.
(Alone. That's a strange word for Jungkook now.) He never really did get along with many
trainees in his original time. However, Jungkook isn't shy anymore, he just doesn't want to
waste his time socializing when he can fix Bangtan's future, so avoiding trainees is the best
option.

And if those trainees talk about him being weak and whatnot, Jungkook doesn't care. He's
had his fair share of hate in his old life. He can handle a few stuck-up trainees.

With a yawn, Jungkook enters the building, greeting the receptionist and punching in before
walking down a set of halls, towards a particular dance studio he's been residing in for the
past few weeks. And that he, at some point in his time, had left to go into a bigger dance
room in a bigger company building.

Jungkook walks in silence, noting that he arrived an hour or so before vocal lessons. The
silence and lack of staff make it known that it's still too early for most of the employees and
teachers. Jungkook shrugs and turns a corner, hearing the faint sound of music playing in the
dance room. Curiously, he nears the dance room, wondering who decided to practice so early
in the morning.

Jungkook opens the door slowly to peek his head in and scan the room with big doe eyes. His
eyes settle on a lone figure dancing, their movements sharp and fluid. It's a familiar sight, but
one that he hasn't witnessed in a while. This is a person he hadn't met in this life yet --a
person he shouldn't know, but everything that should and shouldn't be has been long gone
since he woke up to this life once more.

"Oh! Sorry, is it already time for the trainees to practice?"

Jungkook blinks while staring at the stranger --no. not a stranger. This is Hoseok. Lovely,
happy, healthy Hoseok. Alive, Jungkook’s mind supplies, suddenly making his heart feel
heavy-- who stopped dancing when noticing the dark blob of hair from the mirror. Hoseok
turns to face him, curious and confused as Jungkook continues to blink distractedly.
"I–That was... wow." The preteen blurts out between the mess of his mind helpfully replaying
the same words over and over again like a broken record.

'It's him. It's him. It's him. It's Hoseok. He's alive. He's okay.'

Hoseok is covered in sweat, his white shirt sticking to his torso and outlining the developing
muscles underneath. Seventeen. Hoseok is seventeen and young. So young that Jungkook
almost wants to cry that Hoseok is okay. They're all okay now.

"Oh, you were watching?" Hoseok smiles in embarrassment while scratching the back of his
neck. Jungkook vaguely remembers Hoseok from his old life doing the same action behind
closed doors when someone genuinely compliments him. "I didn't do much. It was more of a
warm-up. Nothing special."

Jungkook lets himself smile, because Hoseok is smiling in front of him (and Hoseok's smiles
are always contagious, no matter how rare they are behind closed doors), and because he is
happy to hear Hoseok talk to him with his sweet-as-honey voice. Jungkook is happy. Happier
than he's been these last few weeks.

"It's still enough to know that you're a good dancer," Jungkook says while walking in, closing
the door behind him and locking eyes with Hoseok. "And you're really good."

"Thanks, uh.."

"Jeon Jungkook."

"Jung Hoseok." He smiles widely, glancing over Jungkook’s small frame before adding, "I
guess I'm your hyung."

"You are," Jungkook responds with a small smile. Hoseok glances around the room, an
awkward silence settling between the two as Jungkook shifts around a bit, dropping his bag
down unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Do you mind if I join?"

"No, it's fine! I'd like to see what you've got."

Jungkook nods before beginning to stretch quick enough that he doesn't keep Hoseok
waiting, but long enough that his muscles warm up and relax a bit while Hoseok takes a
break. Having lived with Hoseok, Jungkook knows the older male was most likely at the
dance room for hours and has not taken a break. Jungkook smiles bitterly at the thought of
Hoseok waking up at ungodly hours just to practice, to be the best he can be 'and he can be
something, be the best Hoseok there has ever been.'

When Jungkook finishes his stretching, the two boys move on to dancing. Hoseok picks a
song for Jungkook to dance to and the pre-teen happily agrees. So with the idea of an
impressed Hoseok coming to mind, Jungkook dances with a small smile on his face. He's
reminded of the times when Hoseok spent grueling hours perfecting his form and perfecting
himself for the millions of fans and people who would constantly watch and judge him. He's
reminded of the times he spent nights with Hoseok in the dance room, making sure he ate and
slept. Of the proud smiles Hoseok gave him whenever he did something right and Jungkook
would bask in the praise because Hoseok became someone close. Someone he admires.

"You're... Wow. You're really good." Hoseok compliments, clapping slowly and smiling
brightly. It's a look Jungkook has yearned to see over and over again. A look that means
Hoseok has a plan in mind, and an interest in the way Jungkook uses his body (and Jungkook
has been a test subject for Hoseok’s choreography ideas many, many times over the years).
This Hoseok, however, doesn't say anything more, and Jungkook guesses it's because they're
still strangers. Hoseok doesn't know Jungkook, but Jungkook knows so much about Hoseok.
The look in his eye shows he wants to say something, wants to use Jungkook to experiment
with choreographies, to know the thirteen-year-old's limits and push him past them.

Jungkook clears his mind of those thoughts and offers a smile to Hoseok. "Thanks, but I'm
not as good as you."

Jungkook can see Hoseok glow from the genuine compliment, and how cute he must look
showing his famous bunny smile. (In his old life, Hoseok, or any other member, would coo
whenever he smiled. Or squish his cheeks and Jungkook would secretly preen at the
attention).

No matter how happy Hoseok appears to be hearing the compliment, his humble side doesn't
let him take in the praise. "Ah, I'm not that good Jungkook-ah."

And if Jungkook is about to retort by saying something he shouldn't have, he doesn't get the
chance to when the door opens and a head peeks in. Jungkook immediately knows who it is
by the black face mask and brown hair peeking out from a black beanie. Jungkook would
know even if he was his past self because that is the person that got him in the company in
the first place.

"Hoseok, Yoongi hyung wants to talk to you."

"Okay, I'll be right there Namjoon," Hoseok responds gently, but in a more friendly manner
than with Jungkook.

If the epiphany from being in the past was a shock, just now realizing BTS was already a
work in progress is more shocking. Jungkook can't seem to recall when the group was
initially made, despite his great memory.

"I'll see you around Jungkook," Hoseok says, following Namjoon out the door with a wave
and a smile.

Jungkook smiles back and watches the door close behind them. He lets out a sigh and looks
around the empty room, fatigue finally catching up to him as he stares at his young self in the
mirror.

Jungkook is relieved that Namjoon and Hoseok were okay. He's relieved, and yet, he can't
find it in himself to be as happy as he wants to be, because he has a whole lot to do before he
can be happy. Happy with them.
Chapter End Notes

I've always wanted to write a time travel story of bts and more specifically, jungkook. i
think he's a perfect person to send back to change events that impact the future he came
from.

This'll be slow burn?? Both in romantic and platonic relationships.

Let me know what you think! I'll do my best to respond if my anxiety permits :) <3
 Truth Untold
Chapter Summary

He definitely misses the other boys, but Jungkook knows that seeing them will only hurt
him.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar and writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝I put a mask again and go to see you❞

-Truth Untold

Oftentimes, Jungkook can't sleep. It's partly a nasty habit from his old life, and partly the
result of endless thoughts that plague his mind. Jungkook spent a lot of time awake in his old
life from how busy he was despite the lack of group activities. Jungkook would produce in
his studio or spend a night at the gym. Sometimes, when he was too deep in his head and
restless, he would dance until he could barely walk. Just like all habits, Jungkook finds
himself going through similar routines in this life. Jungkook practices with Hoseok in the
early morning --as early as six in the morning. The rest of his day is then filled with more
practice and vocal lessons, with tiny breaks in between. It's not until midnight that Jungkook
returns to his shared dorm where he thinks until he can finally get some precious sleep.

It was fine at first because it had to be. Jungkook thought he was used to it after many years
of ignoring the strain he puts his body in. It isn't until six weeks pass by that he starts noticing
the affects it has on his small body. His movements become slow and sluggish. He finds
himself more tired than usual, and won't wake up as easily as he usually can. Hell, he almost
fainted while practicing with Hoseok, but luckily, the older male didn't seem to notice. It's
only then that he realizes his mind may be that of his old self, but his body is still weak,
small, and unaccustomed to the strain that Jungkook keeps putting it through. Jungkook is
technically still a teenager and has some more growing to do. Which means he has to live
through all the awkward phases he went through in his old life.
Hopefully, nobody will tease him about his phases this time around.

"Jungkook, do you even sleep?"

Jungkook sits up straight when hearing his name. Looking up, he notices Hoseok's face
contorted into a worried expression.

"You dozed off. Or maybe you were thinking about something? Are you okay?" Hoseok asks,
the corners of his mouth curving downwards into his infamous triangular pout. Jungkook
dislikes that pout when Hoseok is truly upset.

"Jungkook?"

The pre-teen snaps out of his thoughts, feeling soft hands brushing his fringe back and
checking his temperature. Jungkook flinches at the cold touch and remembers that Hoseok
was previously resting his palms on the cold floor. Jungkook leans into the touch, reminiscent
of the times his hyungs would brush his hair back whenever they lazed about in the dorm.
The memory feels like a lifetime ago, but it's a nice memory, no matter that it's from an easier
time in his old life.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He can hear the confusion in Hoseok's voice, and Jungkook
realizes his eyes are shut.

"'m fine." He mumbles with a blush blooming on his cheeks as he meets Hoseok's eyes filled
with worry. For more reassurance, he adds, "Don't worry."

"You look tired. Try to get some sleep, Jungkook. Don't come here tomorrow morning."
Hoseok's voice is gentle, soft like silky sheets, and sweet like honey.

"But I like coming here." Jungkook protests, feeling the soft hands retreat back to Hoseok's
sides. A part of him is sad at the loss of warmth, while the other part is relieved. It's been too
long since he's last been touched in such a way and is slowly becoming more uncomfortable.

"Take care of your health then. I won't have you here if you're two seconds away from
passing out."

Jungkook pouts, annoyed of being back at the stage where he has to listen to his hyungs
because he's younger. In their eyes, he doesn't know how to take care of himself and is naive
of the world around. Maybe he still is. He doesn't feel like he's grown up that much.

Hoseok steps back and starts walking back to the stereo, ready to dance to the next song on
the queue. He's been dancing for hours, yet still has the energy to continue. Or maybe its
determination that keeps him going, Jungkook is never sure. Neither in his old life or this
one.

"I'll take care of my health if you take care of yours."

His Hoseok never cared for his health, or maybe he'd simply forgotten that his health was
even a thing and the human body needs fuel --something to keep him moving. Jungkook was
always the one to remind him, and occasionally, Yoongi yelled at Hoseok for his carelessness
which always resulted in a fight because hypocrites can't tell Hoseok what to do.

But this Hoseok is younger, therefore, easy to influence to drop the carelessness of his health.
It will save them a lot of problems in the future.

Jungkook waits for a response, a pout still on his lips as Hoseok stands frozen near the
speakers. After a few seconds, Hoseok turns around and gazes at Jungkook, as if weighing
his options before saying, "Alright."

"That means you have to stop staying up late to practice," Jungkook adds, his eyebrows
furrowing in a serious manner. "You also have to eat often to have energy. I'll do the same if
you do it. Otherwise, you'll be a hypocrite."

Hoseok studies Jungkook carefully, making the younger nervous and go pink from the
sudden attention. "You're a lot smarter than I thought." He speaks in his smooth honey voice
with a smile gracing his lips.

Jungkook isn't sure if he should feel offended, but figures he can start using his age to his
advantage.

From what Jungkook remembers, BTS started because of Namjoon. The group grew with
each new rapper added. Members came and went until the members leftover made an okay
team. The rest is history.

Jungkook, for the life of him, can't remember just when each member joined. Which is saying
something because he has a good memory. Or at least, he's supposed to.

Now that he has more time to think (thanks to the agreement he made with
Hoseok), Jungkook is making it a goal to find the others. Since Hoseok joined the group a
while back, it's very likely that the members who hadn't wanted to dance already left to find a
place where they would make it big through a different path.

Hopefully, Yoongi hasn't left too.

"Sorry Jungkook, I don't think we can dance together today."

Jungkook stands by the entrance of the dance room as he watches Hoseok put some clothes
away in his duffel bag. "Where are you going?" He asks as Hoseok disconnects his phone
from the speakers.
"Nowhere, I'm just cleaning up. Yoongi hyung and Namjoon are coming here. We're gonna
talk about a few things."

"Oh. Then I'll just... I'll..." Jungkook looks around the room in thought. He honestly doesn't
know what to do now. "I'll go somewhere." He eventually says.

Hoseok freezes in place, looking over at Jungkook who awkwardly shuffles in his spot by the
door. Hoseok should know which days Jungkook has lessons, and which days he spends in
the dance room with Hoseok. Maybe the older dancer forgot that today there's nothing better
to do, and what that means for an active and determined Jungkook.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Jungkook." Said teen glances up in confusion at Hoseok's reaction. "You can
stay, but I don't think you can dance for long before the others come. Though, I can dance
with you after if you want."

Jungkook shifts nervously, unsure of the proposal. He's not exactly ready to meet the others.
It's one thing to see them in passing and another to interact with them. "N-no it's fine. I don't
want to bother you and the others."

"Jungkook just stay. I know you don't have anything to do, and I don't want to send you back
to the dorms to wait."

Jungkook glances at the floor, trying to find another way to get out of the situation. He
definitely misses the other boys, but Jungkook knows that seeing them will only hurt him.
His last few and far away memories of them are not all nice, and Jungkook isn’t sure if he
can find it in himself to not give them the cold shoulder, even if these versions of his
bandmates didn’t do anything to this Jungkook. But if he isn't ready now then when will he
be? Sighing, Jungkook looks back up at Hoseok.

"Fine."

Jungkook quietly sits by the mirrors far away from the three members conversing with each
other. He's writing on a notebook he bought a while back with the little money he has.
Jungkook didn't have much time to write in it because he's busy practicing, but now he has a
few hours to kill and is furiously writing on his notebook. In Jungkook's opinion, distractions
work best in helping him forget his anger and frustrations of moments that have yet to come
in this life.

His notebook is slowly being filled in with familiar phrases, lyrics from songs he sang a
lifetime ago. While these songs will be useful eventually, he thinks of selfishly keeping them
to himself as a memento of a group that once had it all. These songs are reminders and proof
of his old life and the hardships he went through. These songs don't exist in this life yet --or
even ever if he causes enough changes.
"So who's the kid Hoseok?" Jungkook listens in as he writes, taking note of the slightly
higher pitched voice than he's used to. stealing a quick glance at the trio, Jungkook tries not
to snicker at the youthful look of Yoongi at eighteen. Jungkook recalls the times he would
tease the oldest rapper of his hair in his teen years.

"A trainee, he's super talented. His name's Jungkook."

"He writes?" Namjoon, Jungkook's mind supplies, barely recognizing the voice. His mind
immediately fills in the visual of a teen Namjoon, innocent and yet all knowing. Like a sage.
Especially with the small mustache that Jungkook remembers Namjoon trying to grow during
their pre-debut days.

"I don't know, this is the first I've seen him write."

"Hyung, you make it sound like I don't know how to write." The trio startles as they set their
gazes on Jungkook who pouts at the dancer, avoiding the eyes of the other two. Especially
Namjoon’s, always calculating --but the ones that Jungkook remembers are the ones lost in
thought and indifferent towards him.

"That's not what I meant Jungkook." Hoseok smiles softly as if he were a parent talking to his
child. Jungkook is used to receiving that look in his old life, and he finds that he misses it.
"What are you writing?"

"Songs."

"Will you let hyung see?" Hoseok asks. Jungkook hates being talked to like a baby –-even
though he's always a baby in his members' eyes– and were this any other day, or any other
hyung not the three before him, he would have ignored them. However, it isn't any other day
or any other member, and Jungkook finds himself walking towards Hoseok obediently,
having missed the attention he lost not so long ago. It's embarrassing how easily he always
seems to give in to the hyung-line.

"Read this one," Jungkook flips through the page and hands it to Hoseok, who gently grabs it
with a smile. "It's the only one finished." Which is a lie, but the three rappers don't need to
know that.

Jungkook stands there nervously, glancing between the three to-be rappers who huddle
together to read the notebook at the same time.

"Paldogangsan?" Yoongi asks when his eyes finally settle on the page. He raises an eyebrow
at the teen in front of him.

"The lyrics kinda further explain everything," Jungkook says, playing with the hair on the
back of his head and glancing around as he speaks nervously. It isn't an act of complete
nervousness. No, Jungkook isn't really nervous, just uncomfortable and somewhat
embarrassed, although, Jungkook isn't even sure what he's embarrassed about.

Jungkook did not originally write 'Paldogangsan'. In fact, Jungkook probably wasn't even
around at the time the three rappers made the song in his old life. He's simply been writing
 any song he can remember, and he has quite a few finished, but Jungkook thinks it
appropriate to let the trio see the one song they're supposed to do, the one that makes the
name ‘Bangtan Boys’ quite well known before their official debut.

"This is pretty good," Namjoon comments, and Jungkook feels instant relief at the words.
"You're a really good writer."

"Did you write this all by yourself?" Yoongi asks, scanning through the pages. He glances up
to meet Jungkook's doe eyes, making the boy nervous all over again. Yoongi has always been
someone he didn't like to disobey unless he knew the oldest rapper was in a good mood for
playful disobedience. Yoongi always intimidated Jungkook, and maybe it's his pre-teen
hormones acting up that make Jungkook feel smaller and defenseless. (Though, Jungkook
knows it had to do with the last time they’d talked and the weariness that surrounded the two
afterward until his sudden awakening in the past).

"Yeah."

"Jungkookie, you're so talented!" Hoseok enthusiastically praises while smiling brightly at

the pre-teen. Jungkook feels elated at the praise, not having heard that expression in years. At
least, not genuinely and behind cameras.

"I think this song would suit you three," Jungkook says suddenly, nervously fiddling with his
thumbs as he looks at the curious and confused trio. "I know that Hoseok has a Jeolla accent,
and you sound like you have a Gyeongsang accent," Jungkook gestures towards Yoongi.

"How do you know these sayings and dialects?" Namjoon questions, his gaze scrutinizing
Jungkook, making the teen anxious. He doesn't want the members to ever find out that
Jungkook knows the future. It would ruin his plans. Jungkook knows that Namjoon has the
potential to figure out just who Jungkook is if he isn’t careful with his words and actions.
There are many things Jungkook isn’t supposed to know yet --or ever.

"I had two friends who used to argue in satoori,” Which is kind of true, Taehyung and
Hoseok would argue often and Jungkook would learn some pretty interesting insults in their
hour-long fights, “They taught me some so I used them in the song."

"Can we really have this Jungkookie?" Hoseok stares at the page with wide eyes.

Jungkook shrugs carelessly and glances at the floor. "I would never be able to do it myself so
I might as well give it to you three. I think it'll suit you."

Chapter End Notes

I just want to clarify that kookie has merged with his alternate past self.

i'll be adding some real-life facts for those that don't know or need a refresher;
*In real life, 'PALDOGANGSAN' (or SATOORI RAP) was written and performed in
2011 for HIT IT AUDITIONS, two years before BTS's debut. It was not the first song
ever made by BTS but it was the first BTS song to have been released with original
members (Suga, RM, and J-Hope) who would later debut under that group name with
four other members.
 Magic Shop
Chapter Summary

This is probably the first time he’s gone and told someone how he feels, and he feels so
exposed.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝Looking back on it now, truthfully I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best❞

-Magic Shop

In his old life, there were many times Jungkook wanted to quit because of self-doubt. No
matter how well he could cope with the exhaustion and pain his body went through, his
preteen mind couldn’t always keep up with his dreams and his hard work. Jungkook often
cried. Whether it was because of frustration or because someone else was hurt, Jungkook had
broken down and hid away from any reassurances and comfort. Thinking back on it now,
Jungkook thinks it was silly of him to want to quit because he thought he wasn’t good enough
--that he wasn’t old enough to mentally deal with the pressure of being an idol. To cry
because he felt useless and frustrated that something didn’t go his way. To push away any
sort of comfort and support that could’ve helped him become a better person.
A stronger person, both in mind and body.

Jungkook regrets it because he misses the affection of his bandmates and wishes he can have
that again. He wishes to have a bond with someone that won't think twice about helping him
out or showing him the affection that he so desperately needs even if he won't say a thing
because he's an adult --an adult is supposed to do things on their own, and not depend on
affection.

Now that he's alone, Jungkook misses his old life. The life of Jeon Jungkook who is strong
and stubborn and loves his hyungs with his whole being, not showing affection because it
isn’t considered manly or adult-ish. The Jungkook who is good at everything on his first try,
the boy --no the man who tries to do things by himself and suffers quietly. The man who
holds secrets and thrives off of laughter and happiness from his hyungs.

Jungkook is alone and he can do nothing but wish and hope that he can have good moments
with his hyungs again.

The first time he cries in this life is because of frustration and anger. Jungkook is angry at the
world, his instructors, peers, and himself. He's in pain both mentally and physically.
However, he won’t tell anyone about his problems because they won’t understand.

No one would understand the sudden rush of emotions he feels when he's suddenly aware.
He's pained at the newly sprained ankle, but that doesn't stop him from suddenly being hyper-
aware of his surroundings; the unfamiliar faces that seem so wrong; the walls and floor that
should’ve been long gone; the feel of his body being weak and so small. It all feels so wrong.

Then he's grieving. He grieves like it's the first time he’s ever felt sorrow, but he wills his
tears away until he's alone in the safety of his not-so-safe dorm. He yells and curses and
wondered why, why he's so alone, and why he can't remember anything from the last
moments of his previous life, but rather everything that's happened in the thirteen years of
this one. Jungkook is confused and angry because he wants an explanation. He wants to
know what happened to his hyungs, but the lack of answers and reasoning are not helping
him at all. He can only think of the worst and that in turn makes him cry harder.

Are they safe? Did they get hurt? Are they even alive? Is he alive? Is he okay? Is this really
just a dream created in his unconscious state? (if he even is unconscious --or worse; a coma)
Because if Jungkook didn’t know any better, he would say he time-traveled to the past, but
that's impossible. Right?

For all the questions he has, he finds no answers, and that makes him all the angrier at
himself for his cluelessness.

“What's wrong Jungkook?” Blinking slowly, Jungkook looks up from the floor to see Hoseok
gazing at him with concern. Jungkook glances at his feet stretched out in front of him, his
palms resting on the floor behind him in order to support himself. He was thinking again, of
all the tragedies he wants to avoid, of questions he wants to be answered, and all the power
he has to change himself; his hyungs, and everything that comes with being together. He also
thought about his uselessness and what that could cause him to lose.
“Have you ever cried?” Jungkook suddenly asks, his voice small and unsure of the question.
It's not exactly what he wants to ask, and he doesn't know what answer to expect because not
once has he asked this of Hoseok, or anyone else. While waiting for an answer, Jungkook
realizes he's never asked how his hyungs feel emotionally, or mentally. Jungkook has always
been told ‘I’m okay' but they weren’t okay no matter how bright a smile they gave or how
physically energetic they were. No one ever said a thing until they broke and Jungkook
couldn’t pick up the pieces because he didn't understand what was wrong. His hyungs would
refuse to tell him what was wrong because it was a problem to solve alone, and if they did tell
him the problem, Jungkook still wouldn’t have been able to help because the roots of the
problem were so deep that Jungkook couldn’t even begin to help dig them out. His hyungs
who tried so hard to help Jungkook, wouldn’t seek help themselves, and that’s probably why
Jungkook felt so useless, weak, and hurt.

That's why he stopped fighting with them and let them have their way, no matter how
destructive they became.

‘This time,’ Jungkook thinks. ‘This time I’ll be there for them.’

“Everyone cries Jungkook,” Hoseok answers, walking over to Jungkook to take a seat on the
cold floor in front of him. He crosses his legs and leans back on his palms, his sweaty hair
sticking to his forehead.

“Yeah, but… What do you cry over?” Jungkook takes a deep breath and meets Hoseok’s
brown eyes. “Do you cry from frustration? From feeling useless or from a buildup of stress?
And how do you deal with it?”

Hoseok stares at Jungkook, possibly in thought, maybe shock, or maybe from curiosity.
Either way, Jungkook doesn't care what Hoseok thinks of him, he simply wants an answer,
and for Hoseok to stop staring so intently at him.

“I… don’t know what kind of answers you’re looking for, but… I cry when I feel incapable
of something. Not uselessness, but of not being able to complete something because I’m not
strong enough to do it, or something like that.” Hoseok smiles at his answer but frowns when
he settles his eyes on Jungkook. “Are you having a slump of sorts? I can help as best as I can
if you want?”

Jungkook widens his eyes in a slight panic, his mouth opening for a quick response he’s
gotten used to over his many years of living. “No, I’m fine! I was just curious.”

Apparently, it's the wrong answer because Hoseok lifts an eyebrow and continues
scrutinizing him with a frown and narrow eyes as if encouraging him to lie some more and
find the consequences of it later. It makes Jungkook realize that this is a habit he has to get
rid of. It's a habit that reminds him of the hyungs who left him out of their problems. How
can he expect his hyungs of this life to open up for support if Jungkook is not doing the
same? It's unfair.

Jungkook sighs and looks down at his thighs --much thinner than his adult legs-- all skin and
bones but not much muscle, At least, not yet. “I- yes. I am kind of in a slump. I feel useless
 and weak, but I’m not even sure why. I kind of feel… lost? Like, I’m not sure what I’m
doing, as if I have no purpose.”

Hoseok hums in response seemingly lost in thought. No words are uttered and it makes
Jungkook feel insecure in a way. This is probably the first time he’s gone and told someone
how he feels, and he feels so exposed. It's strange, yet he feels relieved all the same because
he confessed himself to someone he knows wouldn’t hurt him, while others might have made
him feel guilty or judged him for his feelings and thoughts, and that would’ve made
Jungkook feel weak. Jungkook didn’t like to feel weak.

“Take time to reflect.” Hoseok finally says, looking up at the ceiling in thought while
Jungkook patiently awaits his next words. “Think of why you’re here, and what you want to
accomplish. Think of who Jungkook is and just remember who you are. Tell me, who is
Jungkook?”

Jungkook is a lot of things. He's a child and an adult, both in this life and the last. He's
talented in everything; is strong and mostly brawns and no brain. Jungkook is a time traveler
and a man of many secrets; he's caring and wants to make his hyungs happy because they're
the reason he exists. Jungkook is the naïve boy with the simple dream of being an idol, to be
the very best, and he achieved it once at a great cost. Thinking on it now, that dream was
forgotten, replaced with the desperation to feel happy and complete. Now, Jungkook doesn't
know if he really wants to be the best; if he's ready to lose it all again for fame. (Maybe he
isn't, but he's willing to try not to lose anything this time).

However, Hoseok doesn’t need to know all that.

Breathing deeply, Jungkook takes a moment to close his eyes before speaking, “Jungkook
is… He wants to be an artist and enjoy every moment of it… Also, I want to eventually open
a lamb skewer restaurant.”

Hoseok laughs loudly at the response and gives a bright smile at the pre-teen, satisfied with
the answer. He stands up and offers a hand to Jungkook who takes it with a smile of his own.

“Well, let’s keep practicing!”

Chapter End Notes

although kookie is an adult, he's also going through puberty as a 13 yr old so there's
hormonal/emotional change. considering he usually keeps his emotions bottled up,
going through puberty + the time traveling can make him more emotional. hopefully i'm
conveying that well.
 Paradise
Chapter Summary

Jungkook never had a dream

he truly believed in, but he had a passion for singing. Without that passion, Jungkook
was nothing.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

❝It’s alright to not have a dream if you have moments where you feel happy for a while❞

-Paradise

Jungkook stretches his arms over his head, arching his back against the beige couch that took
up space in the small recording room, and yawns obnoxiously loud.

It isn’t the ‘Bangtan Room’ they're in. That one has dark walls, a mixture of navy blue and
black that makes it a must to always have extra lightbulbs in case the current ones went out
and no one could see a thing, no matter what time of the day it was. This room has gray walls
and little to no room for walking, but it gets the job done and that's all they could really ask
for.

Hoseok sits next to him, legs crossed and looking over Jungkook's small notebook with a
blank face. Namjoon and Yoongi are in front of the computer going through the beat, trying
to figure out how it fits with the rap. Jungkook would help, but he isn't supposed to know
how to make music, so he lets the others figure it out while he tries to point them in the right
direction if something doesn't sound right.

“These are really good Jungkook.”

Jungkook turns to see Hoseok smiling at him, notebook in hand, and the page flipped open to
reveal the title 'Spring Day’. From his peripherals he sees Yoongi turn around to glance at
them before focusing back on Namjoon.
“Too bad I don't know what to do with them,” Jungkook replies with a bitter smile, staring at
the (purposefully left) unfinished lyrics.

“Why? You can sing these yourself.”

Jungkook sighs, feeling Namjoon and Yoongi's eyes on him, curious over their conversation.

“I wrote them with a group in mind. Most of the songs are focused on rap because I thought
of a rap group with vocalists. If I could, I would give it to you three, because there are three
main verses. Although, I would have to look for people to sing the rest.”

“Why give it to us?” Yoongi asks, a finger tapping the table lightly.

“You're the only group that's being made at the moment, no? I don't know what the plans are
for you guys, but for some reason I see this group gaining singers as well, but it would be
focused more on rap than singing. At least for a while.”

“Which would make sense,” Namjoon speaks up. Upon the questioning looks of the other
two rappers, he elaborates. “We can't sing, and we might make songs similar to Jungkook's
where we need singers. Hoseok wouldn't be able to do it, because that would be unfair for
him to have more lines, and he wouldn't be able to rap right after singing.”

“Then we'll become an idol group. Great.” Yoongi mutters.

“But maybe you'll make it big that way,” Jungkook adds. He knows it sounds silly, but hopes
and dreams were partly what got them all to work hard. Knowing that Yoongi desperately
wants to be a known rapper, he figures that making him hope (in very little amounts) might
help him stay in the group and maybe even believe in the progress they could make.
Jungkook just hopes that this Yoongi didn't crush those dreams as the other Yoongi did.

“Hopefully, we get you in the group. Although, you are pretty young.” Jungkook feels
Hoseok pat his shoulder and he smiles at the other two.

“Whether I make it in or not, I'll give you songs either way.” He says through one of his
bunny smiles, causing Namjoon to smile and Hoseok to widen his.

“I like you kid,” Yoongi says, turning to the computer in front of him. Jungkook’s heart
clenches in regret as he watches his hyungs back facing him.

Hoseok sighs and looks over at Jungkook, weighing his options for a few moments before
deciding to just lay down. Jungkook doesn't react to the sudden head that lands on his lap.
He's so used to having someone rest against him that he kind of missed it in the few weeks
he's been in this time. In fact, the only reaction he shows is a fond smile stretching across his
lips.
Hoseok hums in satisfaction and closes his eyes, exhaustion taking over and knocking him
off into dreamland. Jungkook continues talking with Yoongi, trying to explain the beat he
envisions while not giving away that he knows exactly how to make the sound and what pitch
or tempo he wants it in.

“It has to sound fun, exciting. the tone is inviting, like telling the crowd to join in, does that
make sense?” Namjoon nods slowly while Yoongi sits on the chair and thinks about what to
do. Jungkook glances down to see Hoseok soundly sleeping, and Jungkook finds himself
petting his hair, knowing that Hoseok wouldn't be able to sleep comfortably otherwise.

“Hoseok has taken a big liking to you. He seems less lonely.” Namjoon speaks up gently,
glancing between the screen that Yoongi's working on and Jungkook who's caressing
Hoseok's hair. It's a bit awkward talking to Namjoon, and Jungkook can tell that Namjoon's
trying to get rid of that, but it's not like it's Namjoon's fault. It's all Jungkook's fault since he
doesn't know how to hold himself in front of these teenagers. He doesn't know how to
communicate like the friends they used to be without accidentally giving them the cold
shoulder or a pleading look to gain their attention. It's frustrating, he thinks, and he's going to
try his hardest to not treat these two teenagers differently from Hoseok because these
teenagers aren't the men he left behind and severed his friendships with.

“He's fun to be around. I like learning from him. By the way, how many members are there in
your group?”

“Just us three, the others left not too long ago. One of them is a producer here now.” Yoongi
answers, clicking play on what they have so far.

The song is missing something, like an instrument, and Jungkook knows exactly what it is,
but decides not to say anything and let the two figure it out by themselves. Sighing, Jungkook
watches Namjoon and Yoongi stress over the missing instrument.

At some point in the night Namjoon knocks out, and both ‘94 liners are soundly sleeping on
the couch while Jungkook and Yoongi continue working on the song, talking of little things
and tweaking any irregular parts of the beat that need fixing. Jungkook always liked talking
with Yoongi --that is until their big disagreement; and although they 'made up’ their
relationship with each other wasn't the same. Jungkook slowly lost the admiration he felt for
the rapper and it affected their get-togethers so much that the group gatherings were
awkward, with a strained tension from one end of the room to the other. Still, Jungkook often
found himself thinking of what they had and wished more often than not that he never opened
his big mouth; that Yoongi didn't mean the words and insults he said to him.

Yoongi is a quiet man and speaks when he needs to. During some of the rare times that
Jungkook worked on a song with the older male, they talked about many things. Things that
Yoongi was passionate about and had a lot to say about. Yoongi will talk of anything but
himself, only vague sentences that highlight what kind of person he is, but not what he’s lived
through. Yoongi is a reserved man and Jungkook respects that, never saying anything that
would lead Yoongi to feel uncomfortable. He knows when to pry into his life, and when not
to, deciding that Yoongi could tell him whenever he finds it necessary. Jungkook doesn't
really know Yoongi’s life, which was why Jungkook cried for hours on end when he found
out about his social anxiety, self-hatred, and doubt he had for years through his first mixtape.
Jungkook cried and it was all for Yoongi’s struggle with depression and life in general
because his hyung was in pain and he didn’t know. He couldn’t help, and he never got the
chance to.

Jungkook makes a mental note to get the older man to open up about his struggles sooner.
Jungkook will make sure to help him to the best of his ability.

“Why do you do this?” Jungkook asks while watching Yoongi hunch over and stare intently
at the screen. “Why do you make music?” He elaborates.

Yoongi pauses in his work and stares at the screen for a few seconds before he leans back into
his chair and looks over at Jungkook in thought and not well-concealed curiosity. Jungkook
has always wondered how Yoongi thinks. What goes on in his mind before picking out words
to form sophisticated sentences that were short, but to the point. Jungkook wonders if he will
ever get to know Yoongi (the real him).

“Well, I like music, and I want to do something I like.”

“Like a producer? Or as an artist?” Jungkook knows the basics. The small dream of being
known by the world as a rapper for his music. If he pushes Yoongi to outright say his dream,
it might help him slowly open up, or give him a new view of his dreams and goals.

“An artist. I want others to recognize me for my music.” Yoongi says, glancing at the screen
where their song is starting to form into a finished product. “And you? What’s your dream?”

Jungkook props his elbow on the table and rests his cheek on his palm, thinking of an answer.
Yoongi’s sharp eyes watch him, his cheeks round with baby fat that will soon disappear in a
few years, showing an innocence he would lose with fame when the time came for hate and
backlash to fill their minds and slowly corrupt them before they learn to love themselves.
Jungkook doesn't want that to happen; doesn't want them to feel the weight of negativity
swallow them whole and spit out doubtful young men who search for a place in the world
through wrong choices. Jungkook wants to make his hyungs confident and uncaring of the
hate they’ll eventually receive. He wants them to stay true to themselves.

But is that really Jungkook’s goal? Is it selfish that he wants his hyungs happy because that
makes Jungkook satisfied? He simply wants to give his hyungs the happy life they deserve.
The acceptance and support they didn’t get in the other timeline; but where does that leave
Jungkook? What will he do after all that’s said and done?

“I…” Jungkook drags the sound, closing his eyes to search for the words and visualize them,
like a reassurance that there is a goal out there made for him.

Younger Jungkook wanted to be a singer recognized by others. That Jungkook wanted to sing
for the sake of singing. That Jungkook dreamed for the sake of dreaming. That Jungkook
never had a dream he truly believed in, but he had a passion for singing. Without that passion,
Jungkook was nothing.

“I want to be happy,” Jungkook says slowly as if that will make him understand that it's his
goal now.

It doesn't sound right.

“I want to do what makes me happy,” He tries again, looking at Yoongi as if he has the
answer he's looking for. “I enjoy singing, and I want to be recognized for my singing, but… I
guess right now I just want to live.”

Live in the sense of just breathing, and also live in a way he will enjoy everything life has to
give, be it hardships or rewards, Jungkook will bask in it because it means he's alive. It's a
reassurance that this life is real and he has a second chance to make the others happy.

“I want to live and surround myself with happiness.” Jungkook nods to himself in conclusion,
looking into Yoongi’s eyes. He could have worded it better, but Jungkook isn’t exactly sure
what he wants to say.

Yoongi’s eyes twinkle in a way that lets Jungkook know he's satisfied with the answer.
“That’s a… unique dream.”

Jungkook nods. “It is.”

Somehow, that dream sounds more like hope.

 Run
Chapter Summary

When was the last time he let himself smile like this? It almost feels like a guilty
pleasure to let himself enjoy a moment with his hyungs without a care if they fight
again.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

❝At least I can smile when I see you.❞

-Run

“Bang PD-nim wants to meet you.”

Jungkook chokes on his water. Hoseok glances at Jungkook in both worry and amusement as
Jungkook tries to control his coughing to stop the water from going to his lungs (or his nose -
-it happened once before in his early twenties and that wasn't fun in any way).

“You okay?” Hoseok asks sweetly, taking a sip from his water. He cleans the sweat off his
forehead with his shirt, taking in a deep breath in hopes of calming down his racing heart.
The two just finished practice and were trying to cool down before meeting with Yoongi and
Namjoon to hear how the song was coming along.

“Yeah, I'm fine, just… Why does he want to meet me?”

Hoseok smiles widely, almost proud of the next words. “He wants to meet the creator of the
song we're working on.”

Jungkook takes another sip of his to calm his nerves and think. He hasn't seen the CEO for a
while since the group had disbanded and gone their own ways. Seeing Bang Sihyuk was a
rare thing unless it was at award shows and such. Unlike the others, Jungkook was always
talking to the CEO, asking for advice, and being a mother hen with him when it came to his
group members.
Jungkook thought multiple times to talk to Sihyuk and tell him about what can be and will be
if none of the others have the confidence to be together; however, Jungkook would have been
seen as a lunatic and would probably be kicked out of the company for spouting nonsense.

It was best to remain quiet and hint at a few changes before the debut came around. Until he
can get along well with Sihyuk like in his previous life, Jungkook will just do what he can by
himself.

“Don't be so nervous,” Hoseok rests a hand on his shoulder, massaging it gently, “He's not
that bad, so don't feel so intimidated.”

Jungkook manages a small and shaky smile, recalling a time when his Hoseok said the same
thing to his shy sixteen-year-old self.

“Okay.”

One of his last conversations with Sihyuk was before Jungkook's arguments with the others
got worse --from simple disputes with some yelling to screaming threats, hitting and
throwing anything within reach. Jungkook didn't know how to handle his hyungs when they
weren't sober and wallowing in their insecurities and fears. Sihyuk had told him to have
patience; to try and console them and get them to trust him enough to slowly open up.

It didn't work, not when they yelled at Jungkook that he was too young to understand, that
Jungkook didn't live through what they did and therefore could never understand or help
them.

(“We're coping as best as we fucking can Jungkook,” Yoongi slurs, opening another bottle of
alcohol.

“Our problems are personal,” Seokjin says, “You have no business knowing them or helping
us. We don't need it, we're adults.”)

Jungkook is an adult too, has been for a good decade, and half of that decade was spent with
his hyungs asking what was wrong and how they could help, but Jungkook would lock his
heart away and smile with a denial of “I'm fine”. His hyungs would smile back and tell him
they would always be there whenever Jungkook decided to open up.

“We care,” they said, so why can't Jungkook pay them back and care about them too? Why
did every question of “do you want to talk about it?” turn into a violent fight between him
and the others? Why did they make him seem like the enemy by putting up their walls of
defense all because he was worried?
Jungkook did not know what to do when his relationship with the band was strained and his
patience was wearing thin. It came as a surprise, both to himself and his hyungs when he
finally yelled back; his insecurities, fears and heart out in the open as he cried because he was
being pushed aside without a care in the world of how he felt, how much he hurt as his
hyungs yelled at him when he so much as looked at them, seeking for comfort and someone
to open his heart out to.

Sihyuk had been the only one to console him and help him when his hyungs could only yell
and make him feel worse. Sihyuk had been the only other person that helped Jungkook try
and bring back the naïve little boys who only dreamed to be the best. Jungkook appreciates
the help, and he would have very much appreciated it in this new life if only to remind
himself that these naïve little boys can be different from the men of another life.

“This is Jeon Jungkook, the kid who made the song.” Hoseok smiles reassuringly at
Jungkook over his shoulder, coaxing the preteen inside the small recording room. Bang
Sihyuk stands behind Yoongi, listening to the still incomplete song as Namjoon bobs his head
on the couch and sends a small smile at the two new visitors.

“Hello.” Jungkook bows at the man who smiles gently at him, studying him through his
glasses. Jungkook gives a smile of greeting at both Yoongi and Namjoon, trying not to make
it seem forced as he turns his attention back to the CEO.

“I’ve heard a lot from these three boys. They’ve taken a liking towards you, and mentioned a
book of songs you had.” Sihyuk looks at him through narrowed eyes, but his kind expression
remains. Jungkook nods at the words with a blush dusting his cheeks and reaches into his
duffel bag.

“I have it with me right now if you would like to see it?” Jungkook holds the notebook out in
front of him, fixing his eyes on the notebook. It's a lifeline of sorts to Jungkook. The
notebook holds memories from years of hard work, tears, laughter, and hardships of his
previous life. They are memories he both cherishes and despises, but that he would keep with
him wherever he went. It feels bittersweet to let others look through it. As though they are
intruding on a secret life of his that he definitely doesn't want others to know about, in fear of
his mistakes repeating once more.

“If you don’t mind,” Sihyuk takes the notebook from his small hands and sits on a chair next
to Yoongi who stares at Jungkook in confusion. Jungkook immediately averts his eyes,
feeling Hoseok lead him towards the small couch by the shoulder. Jungkook is squished
between Hoseok and Namjoon, but he doesn't mind the nonexistent space he has for
movement. Because of his other life, he's accustomed to either being squished or sitting on
the others.

“Jungkook,” He hears Yoongi call him, his cat-like eyes piercing right through him. “Do you
want to hear the song so far? I think I got the flow that you wanted.”
Jungkook nods once and Yoongi presses play on the screen before leaning back on his chair.

The song is finally finished. This makes Jungkook sigh in relief, letting all his weight rest
against the couch. Usually, making music isn't stressful to Jungkook, but this song was a wild
ride of explaining, creating, remaking, and explaining again. He's honestly tired of trying to
seem dumber than he actually is --and to think he has to continue this for the next couple of
years. This is getting ridiculous. Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to recall the lyrics, the
performances Bangtan did with this song in particular, and how much fun it was.

“I think it's done,” Jungkook whispers once the room goes quiet. He opens his eyes to see
Yoongi giving a small tight-lipped smile, one that reminds Jungkook how awkward Yoongi is
around people he doesn't really know. It almost makes Jungkook frown, feeling guilty for
putting up an unnecessary barrier in front of him and Namjoon; two people who have yet to
hurt him.

“That's what PD-nim said earlier. He helped us fix it up a bit,” Namjoon explains. He shifts
around on the couch as Jungkook casually lifts his left leg to cross it over his right, already
used to Namjoon's mindless fidgeting. Namjoon settles down more comfortably, smiling in
embarrassment at Yoongi's amused smirk.

“You're very talented, Jungkook.” Everyone turns to face Sihyuk who is slowly flipping
through the pages of Jungkook's notebook. The pre-teen notices the serious expression that
the three rappers have. He remembers how much they all respected Sihyuk before they all got
along like friends. They were all kind of scared of the man because trainees could easily get
kicked out. Jungkook almost wants to laugh at the memories of Bangtan telling each other
how frightened they were when they got accepted into BTS because when Sihyuk called
them into his office it could have meant either good or bad news.

“Ah, thank you!” Jungkook responds with glee, glowing at the compliment and reminiscing
about moments yet to come. He can almost feel the disbelieving looks from his three hyungs,
most likely wondering how Jungkook can be so relaxed and easygoing around the one person
that can kick them out at a moment's notice. But Sihyuk only smiled, still skimming through
the book as the others await orders.

“So how's that choreography going, Hoseok?” Namjoon asks, apologizing when Jungkook
has to dodge a wild arm. The time traveler smiles widely in return, eyes crinkling as he
laughs softly.

“I'm used to it. I had a friend who flailed around like you.”

Yoongi snorts while Hoseok outright laughs. Jungkook simply keeps smiling as Namjoon
flushes red and apologizes again, making sure to tuck his arms close to him.

When was the last time he let himself smile like this? It almost feels like a guilty pleasure to
let himself enjoy a moment with his hyungs without a care if they fight again --but they won't
fight again, not to the extent they did in another life. These boys are the naïve versions of the
men he left behind. These boys wouldn't pick a fight to prove their worth and Jungkook
doesn't have to worry about every little thing he says.
“Shouldn't you three work on the rap?” Sihyuk comments, glancing up at them with a raised
eyebrow.

“R-right! Thanks for reminding us PD-nim!” Hoseok replies quickly and loudly, stuttering
through his sentence.

It will be a long road until Jungkook can be himself again. But small moments like these
reassure the small part of him wary of the future ahead.
 Stigma
Chapter Summary

Jimin's was the only friendship that hadn't broken when the rest of his hyungs had
pushed Jungkook away.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝It’s only that I’m very sorry towards you.❞

-Stigma

With August right around the corner, it means that what Jungkook assumes is the original
date of Paldogangsan's release is three weeks away. The thought of it makes Jungkook
simultaneously ecstatic and nervous. He's happy to see the events transpiring the way they
should, but the idea that the events are similar in attitude unsettles him. Releasing the song
will mean that Hoseok, Namjoon, and Yoongi will be exposed to the outside world. They will
be criticized and hated if they make the smallest mistake. Jungkook knows that the boys want
recognition for their talents, but in releasing something that can and will become recognized,
they are also submitting themselves to the cruel eyes of a conservative society. They'll be
branded as artists, idols, and entertainers; they will be in the spotlight for all the spectators to
judge. It unnerves Jungkook to no end that he hasn't done much to give these naïve boys the
confidence they need for an event that can potentially change their perspectives on
themselves.

They can eventually become their own enemy, and Jungkook does not want to live through
that again.

"Jungkook?" Hoseok's hand reaches closer to his face until he feels his nose being pinched.
Confused, Jungkook turns to see Hoseok give a small smile.

"I was afraid you'd bump into something if I didn't get your attention somehow," the teen
explains, pinching one of Jungkook's cheeks for fun. The preteen scrunches his nose and
follows after Hoseok who continues walking down the corridors of the building they attend
their training in. It's now nine in the morning and there are more trainees walking through the
corridors trying to get to their dance or vocal lessons. Hoseok is making his way to his
lessons while Jungkook heads to the recording studio where Bang Sihyuk will be meeting
him to discuss a few things.

"Where are you going right now Jungkook?" Hoseok peeks over his shoulder to raise an
eyebrow in question.

"Bang PD-nim wanted to see me in the recording room, so I guess I'll be there for a while
before going to my vocal lesson."

Hoseok hums in acknowledgment and looks on ahead, avoiding a trainee rushing by in the
opposite direction. Jungkook glances back at the trainee with a troubled expression, catching
sight of a familiar yet foreign boy turning the corner and disappearing from his sight.

'You're here now?'

"Well, I have to leave you here to go change." Jungkook turns back to Hoseok waving
goodbye, his mind barely processing the voice as he tries to think of every and any possible
reason for seeing an image of a thirty-two-year-old man he once broke all bonds with.

"I'll see you later Jungkookie!" Hoseok's voice snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts and he
watches Hoseok go inside a room, leaving Jungkook in the middle of the hallway and
glancing back at a person he will never go back to.

A person he will never get to apologize to.

"Hello, ah..."

Jungkook blinks. "Jeon Jungkook."

It's been years since he last had to introduce himself to Bang Sihyuk repeatedly, but it's
understandable that with so many trainees, Sihyuk wouldn't remember everyone; especially
with how busy he is as the CEO of Bighit.

"Right, I'm sorry Jungkook." Sihyuk takes a seat on one of the chairs by the computer and
faces the time traveler with a serious expression. Jungkook knows there's nothing wrong.
After years of knowing him, Jungkook knows Sihyuk simply wants to maintain formality. If
he were his thirteen-year-old self or his hyungs, he would have been nervous of facing the
CEO in fear of getting kicked out. Now, however, Jungkook is sure about his place in the
company, although he is a bit worried about how his acts can affect the outcome of BTS.

Will he ever be added into BTS if he shows everything he can do? Will Sihyuk decide that
Jungkook is better off going solo? He doesn't want to know, and he can't imagine
experiencing fame without his hyungs. The idol life is not something he wants to go through
alone.

"I wanted to meet with you to discuss the recording of Paldogangsan and your role in it."
Sihyuk laces his hands together while looking Jungkook in the eye. Neither of them break
eye contact as he continues speaking. "I also want to discuss what your plans are."

"My plans?" Jungkook asks in palpable confusion. Jungkook has many plans, and they all
pertain to his future with BTS. Although they may all be from different aspects of the band,
ultimately they are related to the group's success.

"You're a trainee for a reason, Jungkook. I want to know what you had dreamed of becoming
when you entered the company."

"I... I don't really have a specific dream. I just want to share my passion for singing with
everyone. However, I don't want to do it by myself. Going through fame alone seems
overwhelming."

Sihyuk nods, whether in understanding or agreement, Jungkook isn't sure, but he doesn't
really care so long as he never has to leave Bangtan behind.

"I'll discuss this further with the staff at a later time then. Right now I want you to record a
demo of sorts for Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok." Sihyuk seems to think of something before
looking right into Jungkook's eyes. "You'll be singing in between their raps, right?"

The pre-teen shakes his head with a small smile. "I would like to request the others to record
this by themselves. After all, I'm not a part of the group and this song could be used to
promote BTS before their debut."

While Jungkook could sing in between verses, it doesn't feel right to participate in it. To
Jungkook, this is a song that should be performed by only the three rappers of the group.
Interfering will only cause the outcome of the group to be different.

The time traveler watches Sihyuk ponder over the idea for a few seconds. "Will you be
creating a lead for them?"

"I can try. I can also help them as they record to adjust their voices to the rap and vice versa."

"Then, let's begin recording the lead."

Jungkook yawns while slowly making his way through the empty halls towards the dance
room. Despite having the time to sleep more than five hours a day, and following the
agreement he made with Hoseok, it's hard to fall asleep and break his habit of sleepless
nights.
"Are you even sleeping? Or did I make an agreement just to get the same results from you?"

Frightened, Jungkook tenses up and turns to meet Hoseok's disapproving gaze on him.
Having seen that look before (and receiving it in his past life more than he can count)
Jungkook puts up the smile he knows will ease his hyung's anger.

"I just didn't sleep well last night."

Hoseok looks him up and down with a critical eye before deciding, "You're not dancing
today."

"Hyung!"

"Don't even try Jungkookie. I won't be responsible for you if you faint, or worse," Hoseok
looks mildly horrified for a second before he continues to walk down the hall, ignoring
Jungkook's protests.

Not able to help it, Jungkook pouts as he trails after Hoseok. It's rather hard getting used to
the minimal and almost unnecessary scolding's. Jungkook constantly finds himself expecting
a hit that never comes, and a yell he never hears. It's strange, but it reminds Jungkook that
what he expects are images of another life that he will not come across with again.

"Oh. I think there's someone in here?" Jungkook's pout disappears as he walks closer to the
door that Hoseok peeks into. Once Jungkook sees the figure of a boy dancing contemporary
he tries to blink away tears resurfacing with the memories of someone he's tried to seek
forgiveness from.

"Let's go in," Hoseok whispers from above him, "Do you think he'll want to join us?"

Jungkook shrugs, not trusting his voice to stay even as he steps away from the door and let
Hoseok go through first. In another life, Jungkook only broke one bond out of
misunderstanding. He and Jimin had gotten along well despite the constant meaningless
bickering and lack of respectful titles Jungkook had to use but refused to. Later on, Jimin
became important to him, going as far as knowing Jungkook's well-kept secret.

Jimin's was the only friendship that hadn't broken when the rest of his hyungs had pushed
Jungkook away. The only regret that Jungkook has with Jimin is not having trusted the hyung
that loved and cared for him like the baby brother he was. It was the mistrust and
misunderstanding that drove Jungkook away and caused him to ignore the attempts that Jimin
made to mend their friendship.

It wasn't until Jungkook was in the past that he realized how big of an idiot he was and how
he wishes to apologize to the man.

"Sorry, uh... you can keep practicing! We just wanted to know if you would like to join us in
the mornings when we practice!" Jungkook hears Hoseok ask from behind the door. He
watches Hoseok's back and can almost imagine (a much older) Jimin looking at the
seventeen-year-old with confusion and fright.
 "We?" Comes a soft and timid voice that Jungkook has long forgotten of.

"Yeah, me and– where did you go Jungkookie?" Hoseok turns around and spots Jungkook
daydreaming before grabbing his arm and yanking him inside the dance room. With an
embarrassing noise of surprise, the preteen stumbles inside and glares at the oldest brunet.
Hoseok ignores him and introduces them before asking the same question to a bewildered
Jimin that is much younger than the last time Jungkook saw him.

"I won't be in your way?"

"No!" Jungkook suddenly yells, ignoring the flinching from both Hoseok and Jimin as he
tries to reassure the insecure dancer. "It would just be us three helping each other improve our
dancing."

"O-okay."

"We also don't ask just anyone to join us. You're a good dancer. Be proud of your dancing."
Jungkook gives Jimin his famous bunny smile which has the boy smile back just as brightly.

"Ah! Now I have two adorable boys I can dote on." Jungkook blushes as Hoseok pinches his
cheeks and coos at him. Jungkook tries to convince himself that this was not dearly missed,
still, he finds himself preening under the attention.

Jimin laughs at him from behind Hoseok who still has yet to let go of his cheeks and seems
like he never will.

'You're next.' He mouths out to Jimin who instantly looks equal parts mortified and
suspicious.

Of course, Hoseok wouldn't do that to someone he's just met, but soon enough, it won't just
be Jungkook getting rosy cheeks.

Chapter End Notes

*Paldogangsan was first released in August of 2011, but there is no actual date (they
vary between the 7th, 17th, and 22nd) I'll be basing the release to have been on the 22nd.
However! in this story, Paldogangsan will be released a bit earlier than Jungkook is
expecting.
 Fake Love
Chapter Summary

It was never Jimin who wanted to change himself because Jimin is a pleaser. He always
gives without thinking about what it does to him until the damage is done.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden.❞

-Fake Love

Jungkook blushes avoiding the gazes of his hyungs in front of him. Hoseok looks proud,
Namjoon seems impressed, and Yoongi looks as though he isn't aware why his two
bandmates are making those faces. However, Jungkook notices the interest lurking behind his
dark brown eyes.

“Woah, I didn't think you would be so good at rapping!” Namjoon speaks up enthusiastically
with wide eyes and a pleasant smile.

Jungkook shifts in his chair nervously, looking down at his lap as Sihyuk continues to play
Paldogangsan from his seat at the computer. “Thanks, but I still need to practice some more.”

“You’re kidding, right? I should be the one that needs to practice. I’m your hyung, yet you’re
clearly leagues ahead of me!” Hoseok doesn't seem to look jealous or put down by
Jungkook’s skills, and it feels like a weight that he didn’t know existed left him. He doesn't
want Hoseok to doubt anything about himself. Not now, and definitely not in this new future.

“You’ll have time to practice since Jungkook will be helping you three develop a more
refined rap style through this song.” Sihyuk interrupts, turning in his chair to look at all four
boys. “After hearing the three of you rap, we discussed how to improve your skills.”

Jungkook notices the weary and doubtful glance Yoongi throws his way, but he ignores it in
favor of facing Namjoon who looks on with curiosity. “When did you hear us rap?”

“Well, I joined Bighit because I heard Namjoon hyung rap, so I already know how you
sound. As for Yoongi hyung and Hoseok hyung, I just listened to some recordings from the
monthly evaluations.” Jungkook decided to flash Yoongi a cheeky grin before adding a detail
that would forever terrify his cold hyung.

“Loved your hair at the auditions, by the way, Yoongi hyung.”

The oldest groans, ignoring the confused glances from Hoseok as Jungkook continues to
smile like the little shit future-Yoongi always claimed him to be.

“Can we hear you sing?” Comes the sudden question from Namjoon, startling Jungkook with
the unexpected request. He nods dumbly as he thinks of all the songs he can sing. While all
the attention shifts towards Jungkook, the maknae mentally scratched out songs he can't sing
due to the English language he isn't supposed to know yet, or because the songs haven't been
released or both. Instead, he settles on a song that he always catches himself humming.

“Like cherry blossoms are blooming

The winter has now passed by
I’m missing you
I’m missing you
If I wait a while longer
If I stay up a couple more nights
I’ll go and meet you
I’ll come to get you

Until this cold winter ends

And spring comes back again
Until the flowers bloom
Please stay right there a while more
Please stay right there.”

Jungkook gives a sweet and shy smile when Hoseok and Namjoon start clapping with awe.
It's been a few years since he last sang in front of his hyungs outside of a concert or practice,
and even longer since he last saw the awe they have for his singing.

Yoongi smiles softly and compliments his voice. Bang Sihyuk also does the same before
asking, “What song was that?”

“Spring Day.”

Hoseok brightens up at the name of the song. “That’s one of the songs you wrote, right? The
one I was reading a few days ago?”

“Yeah.” He nods stiffly at the lie, his smile turning somewhat grim. He really hates taking
credit for songs he didn't write, but there's no other way to bring these songs to life if he's
making changes to this timeline. "It's a rather sad song about missing someone.” Or missing
people he can never have again, Jungkook thinks sadly because even if he can make new
memories with this Bangtan, it wouldn’t be the same as having moments with the men that
raised him. The ones who truly raised the thirteen-year-old Jungkook and not the one he
pretends to be.

“It sounds really nice though,” Namjoon comments, hoping to lift up the maknae’s mood.
Jungkook can only give a weak smile in return. His mood stays the same and no one
comments on it.

It's early morning when Jungkook finds himself walking down the near vacant streets of
Seoul to the dance room. He passes by small clusters of arrogant trainees, ignoring their
whispers and judging gazes.

His phone rings suddenly and he takes it out of his pocket to see Hoseok's name on the
screen.

“Hello?”

“Ah… Jungkookie, I'm gonna be a little late… practice with Jimin while I get ready, and
don't forget to stret–”

“Hyung, are you sick? You sound like you are.”

“No! I'm fine, I just woke up a little late.” Jungkook raises an eyebrow even though Hoseok
can't see it. Jungkook has spent a decade and a half hearing his hyungs lie, so he knows when
Hoseok lies to him. Hoseok usually doesn't give a reason when he's being honest. Jungkook
is also intimately aware of what Hoseok's morning voice sounds like.

“You're sick.”

There's silence on the other end of the line and Jungkook imagines Hoseok moping in his bed
at being caught.

“I'm just a little tired.”

“I don't care, hyung.” Jungkook walks into the building, silently making his way to the dance
studio. “Go back to sleep.”

“I'm fine.”

“You probably have a fever.” Jungkook sighs at the frustrated groan that Hoseok lets out.
He's probably annoyed at Jungkook's stubbornness, but the time traveler isn't going to
encourage bad habits that can develop with time. “You promised to take care of your health. I
don't want you fainting in the same room as me after you've promised to take care of yourself
as I did.”

“Aish…” Jungkook heard mumbling and something that suspiciously sounds like ‘brat’.
“Fine, I'll sleep some more.”

Jungkook grins and says his goodbye before hanging up. When he nears the dance studio, he
bumps into Namjoon walking toward him.

“Ah! Namjoon hyung,” Jungkook smiles as he grabs the shoulder of his confused former
leader. “If you see Hoseok --or maybe you should call Yoongi hyung to check if Hoseok has a
fever. He just called and sounds sick. I managed to make him sleep some more, but I can't do
much else.”

“Uh, sure.” Jungkook flashes Namjoon a big grin before letting him go with a wave, reaching
out to open the door to the dance room.

“Thanks! And remember that we'll be recording your verse tomorrow.”

The teen looks at Jungkook with a dumbfounded expression. “Yeah. See you later,
Jungkook.”

“I thought you weren't going to come,” Jimin comments as soon as Jungkook walks into the
dance room. He drops his bag on the floor and sits down to change his shoes while he speaks
to the teenage boy in front of him.

“Hoseok hyung can't come because he's sick. It's just us two for today.” Jungkook ties his
right shoe, glancing at Jimin as he does so. He can understand that Jimin is nervous because
this is the first time they will be practicing together. Maybe not having Hoseok here at the
moment will ease Jimin a little and take away the pressure of impressing a Hyung.

“Have you stretched?” He asks politely, putting on his other shoe. “Hoseok hyung would kill
me if I let you pull a muscle mid-practice.”

Jimin gives a small and shy smile. “I was about to when you came in.”

“Great! Let's stretch together then.”

The two boys quietly start to stretch, mimicking each other when they switch positions to
make sure every muscle in their body is well relaxed and ready to be used when they dance.

“Do you know how to do splits?” Jungkook asks while sitting down and opening his legs.
Thirty-year-old Jungkook hadn't been able to do splits after he stopped performing, so when
he awoke in his thirteen-year-old body, he was very much surprised at being able to do all the
flexible moves he had lost with time and age. A soft 'yes' snaps him out of his train of
thought and he looks up to see Jimin copying his position.

“What kind of dancing do you know?”

“Contemporary and modern dance,” Jimin replies, not looking at Jungkook's eyes through the
mirror. “I'm really bad at the styles the choreographer is teaching us.”

Jungkook hums in response. Jimin isn't necessarily bad, he just isn't accustomed to moving
his body in short and precise movements. He remembers the time it took to train future
Jimin's body out of graceful movements. Eventually, he went back to performing more
contemporary pieces.

“I'm sure you're not that bad. Plus, It's hard to train your body to move differently than you're
used to, but with practice, you'll do fine." Jimin nods hesitantly at the casual reassurance and
tries to change the conversation away from himself.

“What about you? What styles do you know?”

“Anything?” Jungkook moves his right leg behind him and the left in front, enjoying the
stretch on his inner thighs. “I've always liked dancing, no matter what style it is, so I can
easily dance to whatever style I'm being taught. It's all just practice though.”

“What about Hoseok-ssi?”

Jungkook switches his legs and winces at the sudden beginnings of a cramp. “He's more hip
hop based. It's not that hard for him to do modern dancing, but then again, he incorporates hip
hop moves to it, so I don't think he's all that good at what you do.”

“This is going to be a weird group of dancers,” Jimin comments offhandedly, earning a laugh
from Jungkook who agrees wholeheartedly. In the future, once the group is made, they will
be a variety of weird dancers, but it's what worked out in the end. They will gain the skills to
do anything.

“Well, Hoseok hyung is a weird guy.” This comment earns him a smile from Jimin, and the
weird tension that came with not knowing each other eases away.

“By the way, I made an agreement with Hoseok hyung a few weeks ago. It's part of the
reason why he's not here.” Jungkook moves to sit with his legs crossed and Jimin also
switches to a more comfortable position as he stares intently at the boy, nervous and curious
about what he's going to hear. “We try to take care of our health by sleeping a reasonable
amount of time and coming here to practice for at least one hour. Unless you're not feeling
well, then you have to skip the morning practice.” Jungkook hesitates with the next part. It
isn't necessarily what he agreed on with Hoseok, but this can prevent a lot of self-esteem
issues Jimin can have in the future. “We also try to keep a steady diet that gives us the energy
we need to dance. Which means no extreme dieting such as starvation.”

“How am I supposed to lose this then?” Jimin pinches his cheek with a frown.

“Puberty..?" He answers hesitantly. He's not sure if this is something Jimin wants to hear but,
well... it's not the first time he lectures a trainee on healthy diets and letting the body do its
thing. "You have to wait and see what adulthood does to you before you start going to the
extremes and starving yourself. If you do go on a diet, you might not grow properly.” Which
became an issue for future Jimin who didn't grow as tall as his younger brother because of
malnutrition. (It's sad to think that in this life, Jungkook might not be able to tease Jimin's
height.)

Jimin continues to frown but Jungkook can see the understanding start to fill his eyes. “You
can turn your “fat” into muscle if you exercise appropriately. So you can still get rid of your
cheeks, just in a healthier way.”

Jimin sighs, glancing at himself in the mirror, looking as though he's criticizing himself from
an outsider's point of view. The thought makes Jungkook tense up at the realization that all of
Jimin's insecurities did not start with wanting to be skinny. They didn't start with diets and
wanting to be perfect. It was never Jimin who wanted to change himself because Jimin is a
pleaser. He always gives without thinking about what it does to him until the damage is done.

With a sharp inhale, Jungkook quietly asks, “Are you being bullied by the other trainees?”

Jimin sits still, avoiding Jungkook's worried and angry gaze. He nods slowly, as though
Jungkook will get mad at him for being picked on by stuck-up trainees that Jungkook never
liked –by the same trainees that never liked him back and always tried to discourage him
once he became a member of BTS.

“Hey, look at me. They're idiots. They're cowards for picking on you.” Jimin slowly raises his
head to look at Jungkook, but his eyes still avoid his own. “You want to be an idol, right?”

Jimin nods his head slowly.

“Well, idols endure hatred from the public. Ignore the other trainees, don't try to do things
just to please them. The moment you try to do what they tell you to, or get rid of what they
pick on you for, that's when they get complete control over your life. Don't let others'
opinions dictate your life, hyung.”

Jimin looks seconds away from speaking, but he bites his lip to refrain from doing so.

“You can talk to me or Hoseok hyung about it if you ever need someone to listen to you, but
don't try to keep it in. More importantly, don't listen to whatever others say. If they point out
your weaknesses, then make those weaknesses your strengths. Don't try to hide them or
forget them because then you won't grow as a person.”

“Thank you, Jungkook.” Jimin gives him a sweet smile that makes Jungkook's heart clench
with regret and nostalgia.

“Anytime.” Because he wants to repay future Jimin for his unconditional love, and he wants
Jimin's friendship again. Most of all, he wants to apologize to future Jimin by giving his
younger counterpart the support he needs.

These hyungs will never become the broken men he left behind. Jungkook will make sure of
 that.

Chapter End Notes

*In "Please Take Care of My Refrigerator" Jimin talked about his struggle with dancing
as a trainee due to the different style of what he had studied in Busan. He knew Modern
dance/Contemporary, but in Bighit, he was learning more hip-hop style dances.

**He also mentioned that in Wings Era he would eat only one meal a day for 10 days.
(Not 1 meal every 10 days like so many people have misinterpreted.) It's also well-
known that Jimin used to diet in order to get rid of his baby fat in his cheeks despite
having to lose his toned muscles as he did so.
 Intro: Epiphany
Chapter Summary

(“We love you Kookie and no matter what changes we always will. You’ll always be our
baby.”)

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝Though I’m not perfect, I’m so beautiful.❞

-Intro: Epiphany

“You look like you're about to pass out,” Jungkook comments the next day, stretching next to
Jimin on the floor. Jungkook raises an eyebrow at Hoseok through the mirror as Jimin makes
an expression of horror. Jungkook knows he's supposed to be respectful to his hyungs, but
he's long since passed that line and he isn't about to start respecting them now. “So why are
you here?”

“Well, Jungkook, since you so kindly asked your hyung,” Hoseok shoot him a glare. He
ignores the way Jimin cowers slightly at the authority in front of him. “I need to practice.”

“No. You're sick.”

“Yes, I'm sick, but I also need to keep my body in shape,” Hoseok argues as he walks over to
start stretching.

“One day of rest isn't going to hurt you.” He sees Hoseok scowl and look away, not liking
that he's being reprimanded by a thirteen-year-old.

“Thank me later when your body feels younger than you are, old man.”

“Jeon Jungkook you're a little shit.”

Jungkook gives him a sweet smile and winks at Jimin when Hoseok isn't looking. “You can't
curse in front of me.”

“Why not?”

“I'm a baby.” Jungkook tries to look as innocent as possible, which isn't hard at all after
spending his past life doing aegyo whenever possible. Jimin chuckles beside him, less tense
and wary of Jungkook getting scolded by Hoseok.

“You're a brat is what you are.”

Already used to a decade of being called that, Jungkook only smiles as he goes back to
stretching. “Hyung, you made a promise so you better keep it. Why don't you just sit down
and help us with our dancing? Jimin hyung needs some help, and I can only do so much.”

Hoseok mulls the thought over in his mind before sighing in defeat. “Fine.” He makes his
way to the mirrors to sit down, watching the two continue their stretches with a tired look.

After a few moments of silence, Hoseok speaks up, eyes set on the newest dancer. “How old
are you Jimin?”

“Fifteen, I'll be sixteen in about two months.”

“So I'm your hyung,” Hoseok says mostly to himself. Then he focuses his gaze on Jimin
again. “How good are you at dancing?”

Jimin hesitates, not really knowing how to explain his struggles with the style of hip hop.

“He's very good at contemporary, but he's not used to dancing hip hop so he's struggling with
that. I tried helping a bit, but I'm not as good at hip hop as you are.” Jungkook explains for
him, moving to do the splits as Hoseok ponders over the information. Both of them ignore the
small squawk of surprise and embarrassment Jimin makes.

“Well… why don't you dance for me Jimin? I'll help you be the best trainee –not including
Jungkookie because he's a stubborn golden brat,” he says with a small smirk, glancing at
Jungkook and cooing as the maknae pouts.

“Golden?” inquires Jimin, glancing at the maknae with curiosity.

It's strange for Jungkook to hear the nickname again when it's been a few years since he last
heard it. It's also strange hearing it come from Hoseok when it was Namjoon who named
Jungkook the ‘Golden Maknae’ in his past life.

“Jungkookie can do anything.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow at Hoseok’s explanation. He doesn’t remember doing anything

but dance, sing, rap, and write music. That shouldn’t have been all he had to do to gain that
name. “Hyung, I haven't done much to get that title.”

“But I know that you’ll do great things in the future. My instincts are telling me so.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, but a smile stretches across his lips. It won’t just be him who does
great things in the future. Although he will be the one silently guiding everyone in the right
direction with a few changes along the way, as a group they will accomplish Taehyung’s
dream of world domination in every field of entertainment. This version of Bangtan will see
it as impossible just as he once did in his past life, but Jungkook is gonna make sure it
becomes more than just a silly dream. It happened once, so why can’t Jungkook try his
damned hardest to make it happen once again?

“Hyung, just start helping Jimin.”

The elder laughs, but quickly catches Jimin’s attention again, talking to the still insecure boy
as Jungkook watches their friendship bloom once more. Like in a past life, this is a sweet
friendship, but this time, it will be one that lasts a lifetime. Jungkook wants these friendships
to be more supportive and intertwined with each other to ensure that nothing can break them.
(Not even petty fights and half-hearted insults.)

“You're the leader of BTS, right?”

Namjoon nods his head in palpable confusion. Jungkook ponders over his next words as he
ignores Sihyuk's state of curiosity next to him. The time traveler can tell that the CEO is
intrigued by how Jungkook is going to approach Namjoon concerning his rap skills.
(Honestly, he doesn’t even know why Sihyuk is letting him speak instead of doing it himself.)

“From what I heard, you have a sort of angry or forceful style of rapping. You sound
commanding in a way --which is good because you're a leader. Your rapping projects the
confidence and strength that a leader should have. It’s a more sophisticated way of rapping --
well, compared to Hoseok and Yoongi hyung or anyone with a more wild approach to
rapping.” Namjoon nods slowly, unsure of what Jungkook is going with this. “However,
you're not really at your best.” This causes both Namjoon and Sihyuk to frown.

Jungkook hesitates when glancing at the leader's frown. It reminds him of a set of arguments
that came with a frown identical to the one Namjoon wears right now. While Namjoon was
never one to voice it out, he didn't always like being talked down to by someone younger
than him. Or at least, he didn't like it when Jungkook (in all his blunt honesty) told him what
to improve on by stating all his flaws. Throughout his adulthood, Jungkook learned to make
Namjoon focus on his improvements when compared to his fellow bandmates. It isn’t ideal in
Jungkook’s head because he wants to prevent his hyungs from comparing themselves to
others, but if he somehow brings their attention away from dragging themselves down, then
this could result in better and faster results.

“What do you mean?”

“Hmm…” Jungkook glances at Sihyuk, taking note of the interest before settling his eyes
back on Namjoon. “Yoongi is aggressive but passionate. Hoseok is energetic, not so much
happy, but very inviting.” Jungkook pauses and blinks at Namjoon with a blank expression.
He glances at the computer with the soundtrack and demo saved and ready to be played at a
moment's notice.

“Actually, all three of you are very similar to your dialects.” And why hadn’t Jungkook
noticed that before? The song had been around for almost two decades and it’s only when
he’s living through the events that he notices the similarities of their rapping to their dialects -
-that they always defaulted back to whenever they got angry at him.

Namjoon’s expression morphs into more confusion. “What does that mean?”

“You were raised with the standard Seoul dialect -which is very sophisticated in a sense.
Yoongi has the ‘cool-guy’ Gyeongsang dialect which goes well with his aggressive way of
rapping. Lastly, Hoseok has the friendly Jeolla dialect which is very noticeable in the unique
way of hyping up a song.” Jungkook nods multiple times to himself, happy that he's found an
easy way of explaining their different styles. (At least projection-wise.) “Yoongi always
sounds like he’s dissing someone; Hoseok is more of a trap rapper, kinda; and you are kind of
in-between. You balance Yoongi and Hoseok in terms of rap. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah?” He responds in confusion, but not at the explanation. “Just… what do I have to
improve on?”

“Oh. Right.” Jungkook gives a sheepish smile at his rambling, his cheeks dusting a soft pink.
This earns him a gentle smile from Namjoon with his dimples peeking out.

“You sometimes sound as though you're trying to be louder, but it prevents you from
breathing properly to rap faster and for a longer period of time.” Jungkook sighs and nodded
in satisfaction. “It’s fine if you get passionate, but you have to control where you focus your
energy to.”

“How do I do that exactly?”

“Uh, well you kind of already do it. I think that being aware to articulate your words will help
you. You should also try some breathing exercises so you can rap for longer periods of time.”
In a sudden realization that he’s been talking for a while, Jungkook turns to face Sihyuk who
nods at him in approval, choosing that moment to speak up.

“They would compliment each other well when on stage. Namjoon would be the balance to
their ‘uncontrolled’ rap with his calm and collected one.” Sihyuk says, talking more so to
Jungkook than Namjoon. The two trainees nod, one in understanding and the other in
agreement. “However, it doesn’t mean that Namjoon can’t be aggressive as well. He will
simply be cleaner in his rapping.”

Jungkook turns to Namjoon with a smile, excitement dancing in his eyes that he can finally
have them move on to recording. “Are you ready to record? I’ll be helping you as best as I
can with the demo I made and some guidance I picked up when I learned to rap.” It was a bit
of a lie; Jungkook never did formally learn to rap from an older person. It was all instinct. He
wasn’t named the Golden Maknae for anything.
“Yeah. I’d like to try right now.”

Two days after Jungkook helped Namjoon record, he meet up with Jimin while Hoseok rests
at his dorm due to his fever getting worse. It's frightening how bad Hoseok’s fever is getting,
and it makes Jungkook wonder if this happened the first time around. Luckily, Yoongi
reassured him that Hoseok was simply exaggerating after the older teen checked his
temperature and found it to be lower than expected. Jungkook then asked Yoongi to hand
Hoseok the phone so he could scold Hoseok for making him freak out. Hoseok simply
laughed while apologizing, thanking Jungkook for caring.

so, while meeting Jimin for lunch, the for-once-taller-than-him-hyung tries to get Jungkook to
let him practice as the time traveler takes out his lunch, refusing to let Jimin go without
eating.

“I’ll end up growing taller than you if you skip meals, hyung. Then you won’t be able to boss
me around because I won’t take you seriously with a short height.”

Jungkook smiles at the offended look Jimin gives him, looking about ready to curse him out
until Jungkook opens his box of lunch and shows it to Jimin. “We can share. I made sure to
pack a lot because sometimes Hoseok-hyung forgets to bring enough healthy food and not
just instant rice.”

Jimin chuckles at the eye roll Jungkook makes at the mention of Hoseok's poor food choices,
sitting down next to Jungkook and staring at the food in contemplation. Noticing that Jimin
isn't making a move to eat, Jungkook places the box on the floor and takes out an extra pair
of chopsticks to pick up some kimchi he prepared earlier that day. “I can tell you’re not
telling me something, ya know,” he speaks up, startling the older boy next to him.

Jimin doesn't glance up. Instead, he focuses his gaze on the food in front of them, not taking
his eyes away while a pair of chopsticks move to pick up rice. “It’s fine if you don’t want to
tell me. I won’t force you to until you’re ready.” Jungkook talks gently, taking in how young
Jimin looks. He's the complete opposite of the man he left behind. This Jimin is so vulnerable
and mendable to the views that others expect of him. It hurts Jungkook to see the only person
that supported him look so defeated; so lost. Just like he used to be not so long ago in a
different life.

(“You seem as though you’re not comfortable in your own skin. Have you truly accepted this
side of you? Are you okay with telling me this even though you look like you don’t love this
side of you?”

Jungkook purses his lips as he sits with his head down. He feels as though Jimin were
scolding him for breaking something.
“There's something you're still bound to that's preventing you from accepting yourself
completely. I can tell you're not telling me something, but that's fine.”)

There's a moment of silence between them before Jimin speaks up quietly, almost in a
whisper. “Do you get picked on?” Jungkook glances at his hyung with wide eyes. “By the
trainees, I mean. They pick on anyone younger than them and that hasn’t been in the
company as long.”

“I thought I told you not to listen to them.”

“But what they said is true. I can’t get the teacher's approval whenever I dance, no matter
how hard I try. I won’t ever make it to being an idol.” A tear slips down Jimin’s cheek, his
eyes never leaving the food in front of him. “They’ve made fun of me and I want it to stop,
but it won’t -not until I change.”

(Jimin pulls Jungkook in for a hug, patting his back and pulling away to wipe at the tears on
the young man's cheeks. “Tell me again when you’ve truly accepted this side of you,
Jungkookie. It’s not healthy if you only live with the acceptance of others and not your own.”)

“Don’t change,” Jungkook says sternly. He points at Jimin with his chopsticks and talks
through a mouthful of food -because while he may have reached 30 years old, he never lost
the habit of talking with his mouth full.

“I like you the way you are. Change isn’t gonna do anything to get approval. People are
always gonna expect more, and soon, you’ll find yourself lost between yourself and what
others want to see.”

And god knows that Jungkook has been through it his whole life. Lost in the chaos of the idol
life, Jungkook grew up not knowing what kind of person he is. He only grew up to fit the
molds that society wanted and expected from him as a Korean idol. And once he did find
himself, it was too late to reveal the kind of person he is because society had gotten used to
the persona he showed in front of the cameras. He was also frightened to the core of the
reactions he would receive. He was --is scared of losing all he cared for -especially his
hyungs, the only people he seeks approval from.

(“Why didn’t you think of telling us?” Jungkook avoids Jimin’s eyes drowned in curiosity and
concern. The dark shades of purple outlining his eyes seem to pierce Jungkook into place. It
makes him so nervous he doesn’t want to answer, too afraid of the disappointment he will
receive. Jimin sighs and continues to reassure the younger man.

“We would support you. You know that.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow at Jimin who averts his eyes for a brief second, a small smile
pulling at his lips. “Well, maybe we would scold you for not telling us sooner.”

“I'm scared,” Jungkook confesses as he takes a shaky breath. “Even if I know you would all
accept me, I'm terrified.”

Jimin tilts his head, his kind eyes encouraging the maknae in front of him. “Of what?”
“Our relationship. Would we have continued to do everything we’ve always done? Or would
there be some kind of shift in dynamics? Would I be treated slightly differently all because of
my sexuality?” Jungkook takes a deep breath in as Jimin reaches over to grasp one of his
hands. “I’m the baby of the group so I’ve always received this unconditional love. I’ve
always had physical affection showcased to me and that probably would have changed if I
came out.”

“I don't want to lose all of you.”)

“The only thing you can do is become a better Jimin than you are right now.” Jungkook
swallows his rice and moves to pick up the stir fry of vegetables he made. Jimin finally
glances up to Jungkook, smiling at the boy with a mouth full of food. Jungkook smiles as
best as he can, and speaks in a muffled voice, “You can start by eating my homemade food,
and telling me if I did a good job at making stir fry.”

Jimin smiles wider and picks up the unused chopsticks on the box. He reaches for the stir fry
and tastes two pieces, chewing slowly. “It’s kind of sweet?”

“I thought so.” Jungkook swallows his food and properly smiles brightly at Jimin, glad to see
him cheered up. “I don’t ever want to see you change. And you shouldn’t if you don’t want
to.”

(“You're scared that we might distance ourselves without being aware of it?” Jimin inquires,
a gentle smile on his lips.

“I -yeah, I guess.”

“And I assume you're still scared because of the tension we have with one another lately.
Right?”

“I don’t want to hurt the group. I don’t want to be the reason we break up or continue
fighting.”)

“You always know what to say to cheer me up.” It sounds a little like a question, and
Jungkook quickly shoves more sweet vegetables into his mouth, not knowing how to explain
that it was an older Jimin who gave him similar advice. Jimin doesn't inquire further, and he
feels relief that this Jimin is still similar to the older one.

(Jimin reaches out to brush off the tears falling down Jungkook's cheeks. “I don't want you to
hate me.”

“I could never hate you Jungkookie.” Jimin gives another sweet smile that makes Jungkook
wonder why the man is so calm and loving. Jungkook doesn't feel like he deserves it. He's
almost envious of how Jimin is handling this situation.

“I'm surprised in the slightest if that’s what you're wondering.” Jungkook blinks in confusion
before he focuses his gaze on Jimin’s blue eyes. A hand pushes back his dark blue hair as a
form of comfort while the other continues to brush away the tears on his red cheeks.
“Well, now that I know, a lot of things make sense.” Jimin bites his lip as he takes in the
fright on Jungkooks face. “You lacked interest in women, you praised male artists for their
looks more than female artists. Your own looks also became more ambiguous upon your
request, and you became more obsessed with looking pretty rather than the masculinity I
always thought you wanted.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

Jimin frowns when Jungkook vaguely gestures to himself. “Of course I am, but are you okay
with this?”

There's a moment of silence as Jungkook sits frozen in shock. Of all questions to ask, he
didn’t expect Jimin to ask that. He doesn't know how to answer, can't even grasp what the
question means.)

“Make sure to eat everything, hyung.” Jungkook pokes Jimin’s cheek with the clean end of
his chopsticks before setting them down and leaning back, watching Jimin eat the way he
should have always been eating.

“Thanks, Jungkook.”

“Anytime.” Jungkook smiles at the floor, thinking of all the insecurities he once had, and the
ones that Jimin could attain in this profession. “Just tell me when something’s bothering you.
I’ll try my hardest to help.”

And he really will try. He's going to be there for his hyungs like he never was in his past life.
He wants to reassure them, that no matter how little their problem is, Jungkook will help
them and hope that they will help each other. More importantly, he hopes they find a way to
understand each other and always find a solution to their problems. Whether internal or
external.

“Just remember not to let other people’s opinions dictate your life.”

(Jungkook sniffles and holds onto the loose sleeves of Jimin's satin shirt. He feels fingers
trace his cheeks and run through his blue hair. He feels a small press of lips on his forehead
as a gentle coo slips past Jimin's lips, then another peck is placed on the tip of his nose.

“We love you Kookie and no matter what changes we always will. You’ll always be our
baby.”

It feels so nice and warm to be held in Jimin's arms as he silently cries. He feels touch-
deprived after the sudden rise of arguments preventing any of his hyungs to be affectionate
with him. This might not be such a happy moment, but it's calming enough for Jungkook to
feel better than he ever did. Jungkook closes his eyes, drifting off to sleep when he hears
Jimin's voice softly speak in his ear.

“Don't let other people's opinions dictate your life Jungkookie.”)

 Jimin smiles at Jungkook, innocent and happy. His cheeks are filled with rice, kimchi, and
stir fry, giving him a younger look than Jungkook is used to. He briefly wonders when this
boy turns into the confident young man that once radiated sex appeal. “I’ll be here to help
you if you ever need it as well.”

Jungkook simply continues to stare, watching Jimin eat the last of the stir fry and rice.

“The rice really balances out the sweetness of the stir fry, ya know.” Jimin continues to chew,
thinking deeply before saying “I can see why Hoseok hyung named you Golden brat. You’re
a good cook.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, deciding that he'll show Hoseok everything he can do. He's about to
be shown just how much of a ‘Golden brat’ Jungkook is.

Chapter End Notes

Just a reminder; Jungkooks sexuality and the love interest i have for both him and
Hoseok will not be the main focus. It's mostly there for character development and the
development for character interactions.
 Let Me Know
Chapter Summary

(He doesn't want to look at the man who made him feel humiliated in front of a camera.
He doesn't like the feeling of being mocked.)

Chapter Notes

edits: july 10, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝The promises we made disappeared with the time we spent together.❞

-Let Me Know

Jungkook is bewildered as he stares at Sihyuk with a pout. It's not his intention to pout, but it
seems to be a go-to reaction whenever he's thoroughly confused and trying to make sense of
what is happening around him.

“Um… What?” Is his unintelligent response. In his defense, this is not part of his agenda.

“I have a meeting with the staff and they agree that you will be a good addition to BTS. I
have been planning to make it a group with vocalists, however, it will still focus on the
rappers.”

Jungkook frowns at the words. The group will become an idol group like every other Korean
group there is, no matter what. Jungkook knows that's going to happen, and knows the
outcome of this decision, but that doesn’t mean the thought still doesn't unsettle him.
Namjoon and Yoongi had worked hard and invested their time into this group thinking that it
would become something similar to Epik High or MFBTY. He remembers the first time he
ever met them after joining. The annoyance at becoming an idol group. Tiny, naïve Jungkook,
introduced as a vocalist, and to top it all off, years younger than the other two. When he
joined, it cemented the future of BTS as an idol group, and not the rap group it was initially
planned to be. Jungkook wonders if they ever suspected what the group would become once
Hoseok joined --a dancer with no prior experience in rapping. If anything, BTS was already
on the road to becoming an idol group.
“Do the others know?” Jungkook looks Sihyuk in the eye --which he never would have done
if he was actually thirteen because Sihyuk can be very intimidating. “They should know if
you haven’t told them. I don’t mind joining, and they might not either because I can rap, but I
think you should explain to them your idea. That way they don’t get the idea that BTS will be
an idol group. Or feel betrayed when you introduce trainees that are only vocalists.”

Sihyuk looks mildly surprised at the lack of respect Jungkook has, but he also looks as
though he's pondering over his words, which is good. At least he thinks it is.

“You’ve brought on a good point. I’ll try to meet with all of you to explain the plans I have
set up with the staff. You will also do well to respect your elders.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Jungkook blushes at his slip up. He's so used to talking to Sihyuk with
familiarity when pitching in ideas for the rookie groups debuting after BTS’ unofficial
disbandment that he forgot he's speaking to an alternate Sihyuk from a younger version of
himself.

“I’m glad you’ll join BTS. Seeing as you’re very well rounded, you will make a very nice
addition to the group.” Jungkook nods in an attempt at respecting Sihyuk as he continues
speaking.

“I will be late to the recording for Hoseok later today, but I trust that you can lead Hoseok.
Despite being quite young, you are very knowledgeable.” Sihyuk sends a smile at Jungkook -
-that he returns-- and the two continue discussing their plans for Hoseok’s portion of the song
up until Sihyuk has to leave for a meeting and Jungkook to his vocal lessons.

“You look… better.” Is the first thing Jungkook says when Hoseok walks inside the recording
studio.

He actually looks dead, but Hoseok doesn't have a fever anymore so he's free to do whatever
he wants. This means Jungkook can't put Hoseok back to bed if he doesn't have a legitimate
argument to do so.

“I know I look like shit, Jungkook.”

The pre-teen grimaces, watching Hoseok plop himself on the couch. He looks to be one with
the couch with how much he sinks into it, exhaustion settling deeply over the dancer as he
closes his eyes and lets himself sag.

“You shouldn’t curse in front of me, hyung. I’m thirteen.”

“I’m not buying your aegyo shit, Jungkook.” Hoseok looks up to see Jungkook frowning and
looking annoyed, not at all trying to look cute like he did a few days ago. Hoseok tilts his
head to the side in question. “Does it really bother you that much?”
Jungkook nods, looking away towards the computer screen as Hoseok’s gaze lingers on his
back in concern and confusion. Jungkook usually doesn't mind cursing --he didn’t care the
last time he was actually thirteen- but throughout his adulthood, he's come to despise cursing.
Every time he hears a curse word he expects his hyungs to start yelling --or throw punches, as
he's become accustomed to since he turned 25. His Hoseok was never one to hit, but each
sentence spoken always carried a well-placed curse that would reduce Jungkook to tears.
While it's expected that Yoongi curses the most, he rarely ever used them, thinking that it
makes his points lose value. Hoseok, on the other hand, always cursed, no matter how he felt.
It was simply a part of his everyday vocabulary.

Jungkook hates it, but he'll learn to tolerate it as best he can.

“Bang PD-nim isn’t here yet, but I can start explaining your rap style to you.” Jungkook takes
a deep breath and faces Hoseok again, hoping his hyung will let go of the topic and never
force Jungkook to talk about it.

“Okay.” Hoseok nods for Jungkook to speak, anticipating his opinions.

“You’re a hip-hop dancer.”

Hoseok blinks. “Yeah…?” He isn’t sure where Jungkook is going with this.

“This means you know how to move to the rhythm of rap songs.” Jungkook is aware that
Hoseok did not try rapping prior to joining BTS, so he's going to need a lot of guidance. After
many years of watching Hoseok, he's come to realize that Hoseok moves his whole body with
each line, word, and syllable made. Hoseok is unique within the rap world. He isn't
sophisticated and confident like Namjoon, nor is he aggressively passionate like Yoongi.
Hoseok is always a rapper in progress with his laidback voice but powerful presence. His
Hoseok always changed voice tones to experiment with the flow of his raps. It became a skill
that Jungkook admires in both Hoseok --and Jimin because as a singer, changing the tone of a
song he’s rehearsed in a certain style could affect the feel of the song entirely, and it’s not
always in a good way.

“I want you to think of rapping like you're dancing,” Jungkook explains simply, moving his
body as he speaks the next words with rhythm. “Experiment with the tones of your voice,
move if you have to, even if it’s to get a feel of the song as you rap.” Jungkook lowers his
arms and watches Hoseok drink in the words.

“On stage, rapping isn’t just about rapping fast and rhyming every other sentence. You have
an audience to hype up, and you have the advantage of dancing. I think you’ll be very good at
getting the audience to their feet if you move along with your rap, or rap along with your
movements.”

Hoseok seems to ponder over it, his hands twitching as though he were feeling the potential
he has. Jungkook is satisfied with how eager Hoseok seems to find a way to improve his
skills.

“Just like I told Namjoon, You’re very similar to your Jeolla dialect. Actually, you’re more of
a trap rapper.”
Hoseok looks on in confusion.

“Uh… Think of popping, the dance style. Trap is similar to popping. The only difference is
that it’s using your voice, rather, than, your, body.” Jungkook tries to demonstrate at the end
of his sentence while doing some popping movements. “I’m not that good at trap, but you
kind of get the point, no?” Hoseok nods pensively with a small smile on his lips.

“We can practice your rapping when we dance, and for Paldogangsan, I want you to
experiment with your voice before we actually record the final version, where you’ll try to
imitate the way I rap your parts, but with your own flare.”

“Wow, with you explaining it I feel more confident in rapping --or how I’m gonna rap, at
least.” Hoseok gives him a wide smile that Jungkook returns with colored cheeks.

“I feel really invested in this group. I really think BTS will go far. We just need time to polish
up our skills.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow at Jungkook. “Our?”

“Oh.” Jungkook blinks sitting in silence with Hoseok as they stare at each other. “I… I don't
know if I can say… I -I’m a part of BTS?”

Hoseok continues to stare at Jungkook as he fumbles with the end of his shirt. “It's not very
official yet. A week or so ago, PD-nim asked me about my plans and mentioned he would
talk to the staff about me. Earlier today he said I'm part of the group.”

Hoseok doesn't say a thing for a while, and Jungkook is mildly worried over being rejected
until he speaks up quietly, a smile on his lips as he looks down at his hands. “You'll be really
good… as a solo artist too. You're really talented.”

Jungkook grimaces. He doesn't like how it sounds coming out of Hoseok's mouth, as though
it hurts to admit that Jungkook will be successful whichever path he decides to take.

“I don't want to be a solo artist,” Jungkook argues. “I don't think I would be able to mentally
go through that experience and not come out broken in one form or another.”

“What if being in the group hurts you more?” (“What if we’re not good enough for you and
hinder your growth?” His hyungs argue as Jungkook sits in tears, desperately trying to make
his hyungs see reason before they decide to end their contracts. “You should have just been a
solo artist. At least then it wouldn’t hurt to hear that we’re just a burden to you.”)

Jungkook blinks before he's assaulted with more memories of the tears he's cried and the
relationships he ended. He recalls the secrets he kept and masks he put on in front of the
camera. The idol life will take its toll on him whether he has support or not. Fame has no
mercy for the weak minded and Jungkook has both first and second-hand experience with it.
He's watched fame strip his hyungs of their innocence and turn them into greedy and broken
men. He himself was stripped down to a mess on a bathroom floor as rumors and fame took
advantage of their weak state. There is never a guarantee that Jungkook will be fine staying
with the group, but he feels as though he has better chances of coping in a healthy way --or
healthier than he did in his previous life.

“I'll take my chances,” Jungkook answers honestly. He came back for a reason and he'll be
damned if he doesn't grasp this opportunity with two desperate hands. “It's better to have
people to support me, no? And it's nice sharing achievements with people who have the same
dream.”

“You're not a normal kid Jungkook,” Hoseok comments with a teasing smile. Jungkook
mentally agrees with Hoseok. He's the product of the Korean entertainment industry. He was
raised inside it at an age where he was most influenced to grow into expectations. Jungkook
wasn't a normal kid since the very beginning. He is not a Jungkook that grew up into his own
personality before going through fame. He is a Jungkook that was also BTS. He grew up with
the ideals of his hyungs. He is similar to them all in his likes, dislikes, his personality, and his
habits because everything he does he learned from BTS.

That will probably be helpful in getting his hyungs to like him. He can relate to them in some
way and they might be able to sense that. In a way, Jungkook ties his group together. They all
helped to raise him, and maybe they struggled to disband because they all had one thing that
connected them and that was Jungkook who has a piece of each of them in his personality.
His hyungs probably felt as though they couldn't easily leave him --they were bound to him
just like Jungkook's lack of self-acceptance derived from being bound to a person he loves.

“My hyungs used to say I was a weird one.” Hoseok doesn't question the statement, but he
looks at Jungkook with sad eyes while the pre-teen smiles softly as nostalgia and longing
sweeps over him.

“Am I getting better at this?” Jimin asks Jungkook while they take a break to eat lunch.

“At what?” Jungkook asks through a mouthful of rice. He's so confused at how serious Jimin
looks when just seconds ago they were laughing at a memory of Hoseok --or at Hoseok.

“Dancing… and becoming a better Jimin as you said.” Jimin looks at the floor, almost
embarrassed at his words. Jungkook stares in contemplation. Even though Jimin is doubting
himself, this is still some sort of progress and Jungkook is happy with Jimin’s effort of
improving his confidence.

“Well, you just have to practice… and try to have confidence in yourself.” Jungkook picks up
a piece of fish before adding, “That’s what I did to accept myself.”

Jimin stares at Jungkook in curiosity but doesn't inquire further. He's probably scared of
overstepping some sort of boundaries seeing as they aren't really friends yet. It makes
Jungkook sad, but it isn’t like he's doing any better at getting close with him either. He can't
help but compare this relationship with Jimin to the one with his Jimin.
They still tiptoe around each other, afraid of overstepping barriers they each placed. This
time, however, Jungkook is afraid of saying too much. He's scared that his words can be used
against him like they once were. This is justified too. Jungkook is much older than Jimin --
mentally, at least-- which gives him more experience and knowledge about himself. He
knows what he likes and what his limits are; knows the kind of person he is even if he
couldn't fully embrace it in the past with how conservative Korea and the entertainment
industry is. Jungkook knows that this Jimin will accept him, but that's a Jimin that loved him
unconditionally for the decade and a half they knew each other.

This naive Jimin might not feel as though he should accept him. This Jimin isn’t as
knowledgeable as the older one and can reject Jungkook. It frightens him to the core that
revealing his preference can impact the relationships he has with his hyungs --both the ones
he already has and the ones he will.

That same fright and hesitance makes this newfound friendship feel so familiar to the one he
once had with his Jimin. That relationship was created through misunderstanding, it wounded
and mocked Jungkook. After pouring his heart out to his Jimin, his trust in the older man
broke after one interview that made all of Jungkook’s doubts and insecurities rise to the
surface and question his hyungs genuine acceptance to his sexuality. That Jimin was worried
over accidentally hurting Jungkook with his words that he decided to have minimal contact
with Jungkook and apologize whenever Jungkook was available for a few seconds.
(Jungkook would walk away as soon as he saw Jimin near him.)

“It takes a while, loving yourself and stuff. When you actually get there though, It’s nice.”
Jimin nods, but his face scrunches up in mild confusion. Jungkook picks a clump of rice and
eats it, then gnaws on the end of his metal chopsticks as he tries to think of a way to further
explain his point. This is a fifteen-year-old he's talking to, and while teenagers aren’t dumb,
his hyungs have their own brand of stupidity at times (Jungkook reluctantly includes himself
after mild contemplation).

“It’s hard at first. I --uh, a hyung of mine used to despise himself. He would try hard to get
rid of whatever made him --him, I guess? He actually fell into the expectations of other
people for some time. He starved himself, and would sometimes resort to throwing up if he
was forced to eat.” Jungkook takes in a deep breath, trying to rid the image of Jimin curling
up against the toilet, throwing up with tears streaming down his face and murmurs of self
hate slipping past his lips in the dead of night.

“He was never satisfied with himself. Others loved him; praised him, and he soaked up the
attention, but he was never once satisfied with who he had become. Eventually, his friends
helped him out and he grew to accept himself. He didn’t love himself and wasn’t overly
happy, but he was content and that made everything better.” Jungkook looks over at Jimin
and watches his head hang in shame, probably wondering if he would have been like that at
some point in the future.

“I don’t want you to be like that.” Jungkook smiles softly. “I didn’t want to be like that
either.”

“What did you hate about yourself?” Jimin asks quietly. Jungkook pauses for a brief moment,
his piece of fish slipping from his chopsticks right before he regains his composure.
“Uh…” Jungkook glances at Jimin who looks back in curiosity and hesitance. “You don’t
care about people’s preferences to whatever, right?”

“Not really. If it doesn’t have anything against me, then I don’t care much about what people
like.” Jimin shrugs. He continues to patiently wait for Jungkook to speak again, this time with
a small smile on his face. The smile looks suspiciously like a knowing one. It's similar to the
smiles that Jungkook received whenever his hyung knew that Jungkook pulled a prank and
was lying about it.

“Uh, well… I like guys?”

“Are you asking me?”

“No?” Jungkook looks away at his answer, feeling a lot like the time he first told Jimin in his
twenty-four-year-old body. It seems like a decade made no difference to change Jimin’s calm
acceptance. It did, however, make Jungkook more hesitant to say anything. More bashful.

“I had a friend who was lesbian, ya’know.” Jimin smiles kindly to Jungkook, trying to make
the younger boy comfortable. The preteen raises his head to stare at Jimin because no, he
didn’t know that at all. If he knew, then he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell Jimin in both
lifetimes. Jungkook wants to curse his dumb twenty-four-year-old self for never thinking of
asking Jimin if he ever met someone from the LGBTQ community. (He adds Jimin into the
cursing just because).

“Well, now I feel like an idiot for worrying.”

Jimin only laughs and takes a piece of fish.

(“Why have you been so silent? Since the interview, you haven't been talking to me like you
always do.”

Jungkook turns around to face Jimin, watching him pour water into a glass and drink. It
hurts more than he anticipated. Although, it isn't as though he knew it would happen, so it
just hurts. Very painfully. He doesn't want to look at the man who made him feel humiliated in
front of a camera. He doesn't like the feeling of being mocked.

“I trusted you, but apparently I was wrong to do so.”

Jimin holds his glass of water tightly, not meeting Jungkook's eyes.

“It's just an interview. You know we lie when we need to.”

“We say half-truths,” Jungkook whispers, but Jimin hears it and moves to set his glass down
on the countertop. “How do I know you didn't say your true thoughts about me?”
Jimin sighs and reaches over to cup Jungkook's cheek. “I have no control over what I can or
can't say, and you know that, Jungkookie. The managers would have my ass if I even think of
mentioning the word gay. We have so many rumors at the moment and the smallest mistake
could affect the band negatively.”

“There's no use lying anymore. It can't get worse than it is now. We're disbanding either
way.” Jungkook feels Jimin rub his thumb to wipe away the tears. “I'm tired of this.” He says
softly while looking down at their feet.

“Jungkookie, h-”

“Do you promise that it was a lie?”

“I promise.” Jimin cups Jungkook's other cheek and plants a kiss to his forehead like he
always does when Jungkook needs comfort.

“Do you trust me?”

A moment's hesitation is all Jungkook needs to shake Jimin's hands away and duck his head.

“I do. I trust all of you like because I have no one else that I love as much as you hyungs. I'll
trust you even if none of you trust me.”

When he glances at Jimin he sees the hurt on his face and can't help but feel satisfaction at
the reaction. Then he feels guilty because he doesn't like the look of hurt on his hyungs no
matter how much he wants them to feel his pain. “That's not why I--"

“No, it's okay.”

“It's not.”

“To me it is.” His voice wavers but is louder than it was a few moments ago. “I can't force
you to trust me. Especially with all the fighting and taking sides that's going on lately.”
Jungkook turns around and pushes away Jimin's arm when it reaches out for him.

“I don't mind not having any support. It's always been just me against my hyungs. I'll be okay
with only the fake affection shown on camera.”)

Jungkook stares at the lyrics in front of him, realizing the paper crinkled up from the tears he
had no idea he was crying. He looks up and stares at the wall of his shared room, ignoring the
sounds around him of the other trainees he can't bother to remember the names of. He hopes
he can move into BTS's dorm soon. At least then he won't feel like a stranger. His pencil taps
the paper until he finally looks down and writes the last line for Yoongi's rap verse.

‘I'll forget you

because it will hurt less than resenting you.’

Chapter End Notes

tbh i don't think Sihyuk would let Jungkook take charge in explaining, but this is a fic it
doesn't gotta be true to life
Reminder that Jimin and Jungkook were not in a romantic relationship, they're just
really affectionate with each other. (or mostly jimin is)

*Epik high and MFBTY are two rap/hip-hop groups/trios that are very well known in
S.Korea. Yoongi and Namjoon have mentioned various times that they are big fans of
them. (RM even collaborated with MFBTY in 2015 and Tiger JK in 2019. Suga also
produced a song for Epik high in 2019)

**Jhope's voice and rap have been said by producers/rappers (on yt) to be more fit for
trap. I also noticed that he's always moving his body in one form or another while
rapping.

***Jimin mentioned before in Please Take Care of My Fridge that he was a bad dancer
when it came to hip hop. Seokjin confirmed by saying that he once insulted Jimin since
he couldn't believe such a bad dancer was accepted.
 Mama
Chapter Summary

“You don't have to make a decision now.” Seokjin looks down at him --and wasn't that
weird, being looked down on-- with a thoughtful look on his face.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝You helped me feel the world. You created my breath. I want to hold you more today.
Higher than anything above ground.❞

-Mama

Jungkook has no idea how to approach Yoongi when the time comes to help him record.
Yoongi will most likely dislike being taught by someone four years younger than him let
alone a kid that's going to change the type of group BTS will become.

Jungkook sighs as he stands in front of the door to the recording studio. He's nervous, and it's
because Yoongi is the hardest person to get along with. Jungkook isn't used to talking to him
--fuck, it's been six years since they talked and that was after an argument (the first of many)
that they never resolved.

Despite coming from the future, his knowledge doesn't seem to help him with small things
like talking. Jungkook hates this.

With a sigh, he opens the door and is greeted with the sight of Yoongi and Sihyuk in front of
the computer, listening intently to the recorded parts of Namjoon and Hoseok.

“Uh… Hi.” Jungkook waves and walks over to the couch, taking a seat and letting his body
get swallowed up in it because he doesn't want to do this anymore. It's awkward enough as it
is just being in Yoongi's presence and now Jungkook has to worry about their non-existent
friendship.
Yoongi waves, but his attention is still on the music that fills the small room. Now that
Jungkook thinks about it, he should really start becoming friends with both Namjoon and
Yoongi if he's going to be a part of the group. That's going to be a challenge though.

“Hoseok improved,” Sihyuk comments, standing up straight from his hunched form on the
desk. He grabs a chair on the side and sits down on it as Yoongi sits on the other end of the
couch. Jungkook glances towards Yoongi, taking note of the distance between them, and
pouts.

(“Sit there, Namjoon.” Jungkook hears a raspy voice say. He watches as Yoongi maneuvers
Namjoon to sit next to him and then pulls Jimin and Hoseok to take the other spaces on the
couch before Jungkook can even think of sitting there. He glances at Yoongi and receives a
scowl before the purple-haired man turns towards the interviewer.)

“What did you help Hoseok with when I wasn't there?”

Jungkook shifts on the couch before answering. “I told him what we discussed and added that
he was more suited to trap. I think I said something right because he looked more confident
while recording.” Jungkook hums in thought before adding, “I gave him a few examples as
best as I could and told him we could practice when dancing in the mornings.”

“Practice in the mornings?”

“Uh… I spend my mornings in the dance studio with Hoseok hyung and another trainee
named Jimin. We help each other with dance and stuff.” Stuff, as in, Jungkook watching his
hyungs make a fool of themselves by dancing to girl groups. Or force-feeding his hyungs
some breakfast.

“Ah.” Sihyuk glances toward Yoongi. “Well, let's get started on Yoongi.”

Jungkook sinks into the couch some more, hoping to get swallowed by it.

Jungkook walks down the streets of Seoul, hoping to make it to the convenience store before
lunchtime with Jimin came around. While he doesn't have a big allowance, Jungkook did live
half of his life on budgets and knows how to manage his money and save on foods. (Not
counting the time he thought that living like a college student was cool). This means he has
enough for the occasional snack that he probably isn't supposed to eat due to his diet. Fame
really did nothing to change his cheap spending habits, which was why he had millions saved
up as an adult.
Jungkook hums on the road, glancing at the other trainees that are either on a lunch break or
making their way to the building to practice. Some of the trainees he recognizes are
background dancers or trainees that move companies and became idols themselves. A few of
them smile at him because they worked with him before during dance lessons or because they
recognize him as a trainee. It makes Jungkook feel weird because he's so used to getting
mobbed or having people recognize him and yell in surprise and happiness. Casual greetings
like this make him feel more human, less of a spectacle, and more like a friend or
acquaintance.

He isn't sure if the weird feeling is because he misses the idol life or the normal teenage life
he's supposed to have.

While he takes note of every trainee he ever encountered in his previous life, he spots a
familiar face that probably isn't supposed to be here yet. Squinting, Jungkook sees the lean
body of a college student that gained the attention of a BigHit manager once upon a time.
However, with Jungkook messing up the timeline, the chances of Seokjin getting scouted are
slim. So the next best thing is befriending Seokjin. The problem is how.

Seokjin walks toward him, presumably out of the convenience store if the plastic bag is any
indication. He's distracted by something on his phone so he can't really see Jungkook staring
at him like a lunatic, or notice that he's being looked at by other teenagers he passes by.
Despite being younger than Jungkook is used to seeing him, he still has his good looks, even
if there's some baby fat. Jungkook can see why the managers in his past life scouted him in
the first place. They saw a pretty face with potential.

Once Seokjin is a few feet away, Jungkook suddenly has the idea that bumping into Seokjin
is the only way he can approach the teen. It isn't Jungkook's brightest idea, but he has to
make do with what he has.

In hindsight though, he should have expected that Seokjin would be wary of a kid telling him
to join an agency just because he's good-looking and has 'potential’ to be a great singer.
(While it is true, Seokjin isn't ignorant or delusional and Jungkook should have remembered
that this is the boy that rejected going to SM Entertainment once upon a time.)

“You can make your parents proud if you debut as an artist.” Jungkook tries to stay in step
with Seokjin but the teen is five years older and therefore has longer legs. Seokjin remains
silent, probably thinking about the offer. Or how to get rid of Jungkook –-that's usually the
train of thought his hyungs have when he's annoying them.

They walk in silence until Jungkook speaks up again, feeling slightly guilty to be saying this,
but if it convinces Seokjin to join BigHit, then it's worth the one-minute guilt creeping
through his veins.

“I'm sure your mom would love to brag about her son becoming an idol. Wouldn't that be
great? Children love to make their parents proud, and love to give their moms a chance to
brag about their children's accomplishments.” Jungkook glances to his side and watches
Seokjin blink. He slows down his walking while Jungkook looks up at the man he remembers
loved him like his own child.
“You don't have to make a decision now.” Seokjin looks down at him –-and wasn't that
weird, being looked down on-– with a thoughtful look on his face. “I have hyungs that are
getting prepared to debut --I am too, but we're still looking for more people to join. You
might have a chance at joining if you try.”

“I'll think about it.”

Jungkook sends Seokjin a wide smile at the words and happily gives Seokjin his number,
ignoring the blush on the teen's cheeks when he doesn't stop showing his bunny smile. (And
Jungkook knows the effect it has on his hyungs, he's exploited that weakness in his past life
to get away with all the pranks he'd pull. Just one well-placed smile had the men enamored
with him and coddling him like a baby –-even though Jungkook pretended to hate it). The
answer isn't a reassurance that Seokjin will join BigHit, but Jungkook met him a year earlier
than he's supposed to, so he has time to convince Seokjin to join. At least it gives Jungkook
reassurance that Seokjin will consider the offer.

“I'll see you around then, I have to go get snacks for my hyungs.” Jungkook waves goodbye
and is on his way to the convenience store again. He's too happy to care that there's a good
chance Seokjin will never speak to him again as he did to a famous entertainment agency in
another life.

Jungkook will be damned if BTS debuts without a vital member of the group.

“You look way too happy right now, Jungkookie,” Hoseok comments from beside Jimin as
they watch Jungkook enter the mini-cafeteria. Jungkook simply flashes a smile at his hyungs
and sets the bag of treats in front of them. The contents spill over and he watches in
satisfaction as the glee on their faces became more and more evident.

“Did you just spend your allowance on snacks?!” Hoseok practically screeches out, most
likely thinking that Jungkook is an irresponsible individual. (And the actual thirteen-year-old
was irresponsible, but thirty-year-old Jungkook knows how to manage money.)

“I saved up my money for a few weeks. I call it my 'do-whatever-you-want money.”

Jungkook shrugs and reaches inside the bag to pull out a snack and toss it to Jimin. “I know
we're on a diet, but what're a few calories every other month?”

Jimin nods like it's the wisest advice in the world while Hoseok raises an eyebrow at the boy.

“How much did you spend?”

“Well, I still have a few thousand won, plus the allowance for this week.”

Hoseok narrows his eyes at the maknae.

“Hyung, I know how to manage my money.” Jungkook hears a 'you better’ before Hoseok
reaches over to take a bag of chips. Jungkook watches in satisfaction as Jimin eats to his
heart's content. He's checking how many calories each thing has, which is good in Jungkook's
opinion as long as Jimin isn't too focused on keeping a strict diet that relies on starvation.

“How'd it go with Yoongi hyung?” Hoseok asks once Jungkook takes a seat in front of them.

“It was okay,” Jungkook replies back, not knowing what to say exactly. It didn't go as bad as
Jungkook was expecting, but it was still rather awkward for the time traveler. He couldn’t
seem to let go of the memories he had with Yoongi and it bothered him to no end. The
memories prevent Jungkook from getting along with Yoongi, but he wants to get to know the
teen. He wants to repay the older male for helping Seokjin raise a selfish bratty version of
him. Their guidance and lessons helped Jungkook become someone better. It could have gone
so wrong for Jungkook had the group as a whole not taken the time to raise him and get him
out of bad habits that could have destroyed him at a young age. Jungkook is forever grateful
to have hyungs who wanted the best for him and taught him how to differentiate right from
wrong. So now he wants to become someone that Yoongi --and the other hyungs-- can rely
on despite their age differences. Jungkook has to take baby steps, though. Especially after
suggesting the man should sing.

(After explaining the small improvements that Yoongi can do to his rapping, he decides to
add on a bit more. “You can also work on your singing. It might prove useful when you
record demos or something like that.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “Singing? I can’t sing.”

“I’m just saying, hyung. You don’t have to be the best singer, but at least knowing the basics
can help you when you need them.”

“Fine,” Yoongi grumbles out, and Jungkook flashes him his signature bunny smile.)

Jungkook groans at the memory of giving Yoongi tips on singing. At the time he was much
too happy at not being told off by the older teen that he's just now feeling the embarrassment
of the moment.

Hoseok makes a weird face that morphs into one of amusement after Jungkook says, “I gave
Yoongi hyung tips on singing.”

Jimin --who doesn't understand what's going on or who Yoongi is-- watches Hoseok laugh as
Jungkook continues to groan both at his own stupidity and Hoseok’s never-ending teasing
that’s bound to plague him for the next three lifetimes.

“It was just a suggestion! Hyung --stop laughing!”

 Jimin giggles at the scene before him as Jungkook pounces on Hoseok in order to shut him
up.

“Oh! I wish I was there!” Hoseok wheezes out, holding onto Jungkook’s thin wrists so he
doesn't get hit by accident. “I bet his reaction was priceless!”

“He didn’t make any weird faces!” Jungkook resorts to throwing his whole weight on Hoseok
who still will not shut up --dammit hyung! “All he did was take in the suggestion --or ignore
me, I don’t know, but --shut up!”

“Geeze, stop being so disrespectful Jungkookie, I’m --what? Three years older than you?”
Hoseok finally stops laughing and turns to face Jungkook who is inches away and limp on
top of him. He makes a face and pushes Jungkook lightly. “Get off, Jungkookie, you’re not
that light.”

“Well, thanks for calling me fat.” Jungkook moves to get up and playfully shoves Hoseok.
Hoseok frowns at the pre-teen.

“You’re not fat.”

Jungkook glances at Jimin as if asking ‘is he stupid?’ before turning back to the oldest
dancer. “That was sarcasm, hyung.”

“I didn’t know you knew such a thing existed.”

Jimin opens a bag of seaweed and laughs at the offended look on Jungkook's face.

Chapter End Notes

*Seokjin was scouted by SM managers or something of the like, but he rejected them
thinking it was a scam. Then he got scouted by Bighit's scouting director who convinced
Jin to audition even though Jin had no experience in singing or dancing.
 House of Cards
Chapter Summary

Thinking of a time when he used to have it so simple, so easy with the love and support
of his hyungs, he wonders why it all crumbled.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝A house made of cards, and us, inside. Even if it’s a vain dream, stay like this a little
more.❞

-House Of Cards

“Why aren't you taking part in the recording? We could really use your voice.” Jungkook
turns to face Namjoon, not knowing how to respond. On one hand, participating in the
recording will alter this timeline and maybe change the outcome of their dynamics. On the
other, Jungkook feels like he’s intruding. There's just a feeling of wrongness in thinking
about having a part in the song.

“I just feel as though you three should do it yourselves.”

“Why? We have you in the group now.” Yoongi questions as though accusing Jungkook of
wrongdoing. Jungkook doesn't like that. Doesn't like to be treated like he's the villain. He’s
had enough of that and frankly, he feels the urge to punch Yoongi in the face like he once did
a few years ago (or a few years from now?) But he's trying to avoid conflict, so he pushes
that urge away and focuses on the question.

“It just doesn’t feel right.” Jungkook shrugs, cringing on the inside at the wording. Is it
selfish to want things to go exactly the same all because it's familiar to Jungkook? --because
its predictable for Jungkook and easier to distinguish when the attitudes of his hyungs start
taking a turn for the worst? He wants things to be similar so he can see the difference
between the attitudes of these boys compared to the men he left behind. He wants to see how
his advice shapes his hyungs into better people, almost as if he were the one raising his
hyungs. However, nothing will change if he doesn't make some type of adjustment to the
events. It won't hurt to add an extra voice, and the feeling in his gut will probably ease as the
events pass by.

“If you really want me to, I can sing the chorus.”

Namjoon nods in agreement, glancing at Yoongi to hear his opinion as though Namjoon
needs the reassurance of a hyung to know what is a good option or not. Jungkook furrows his
eyebrows slightly. He isn’t sure if Namjoon is the temporary leader or the official leader, but
acting this way when making a decision isn’t very good. He looks doubtful, easily amenable
to the wishes of people older than him. It will be bad for Namjoon to stay that way; bringing
trouble for the group when making crucial decisions about workload or concepts that they
may not like or feel comfortable with. Namjoon has to learn to hold his own against those
with authority. He also has to learn to speak with those who aren't older than him. Hoseok,
while he doesn't know much about rapping, will need to speak up about his opinions on a
matter. If he doesn't say anything, or if Namjoon doesn't care to ask him, then
misunderstandings can arise and bring about conflicts that Jungkook is trying to avoid.

“I’ll try to get them to accept you in the song.” Jungkook doesn't ask who ‘them’ is because
he knows it's just the producers and Sihyuk who can (un)approve an idea. Jungkook is sure
they won't refuse to add him. Sihyuk even asked him if he was going to participate in
Paldogangsan when he recorded the demo a while back. Jungkook isn’t cocky, he just knows
that his addition to the song will be beneficial. It will help the rappers keep their breath by
taking over the chorus. He might even have the chance to help them through the beginning
stages of the idol life. Interviews can be a bitch if you don't know when you're saying too
much or not enough.

“Does that mean Jungkook has to re-record the chorus?” Namjoon asks, tilting his head to the
side while looking at Yoongi.

Yoongi ponders over it, glancing between Jungkook, Namjoon, and the computer next to him.
“I think we can add our voices to the chorus so it doesn’t sound too bland. Jungkook
wouldn’t need to re-record anything that way.”

“Please do that, hyung.” Jungkook sinks into the couch, feeling exhausted over this situation.
He almost doesn't know what to do. “I’m kinda tired of recording this song.”

That earns him a few chuckles, and a small smile makes its way to his face. He can worry
about messing up events at a later date; right now he's content.

(“Sorry Jungkookie, I have a meeting with the others and won’t be able to practice this
morning with you and Jimin.”)
Jungkook sighs for the umpteenth time that morning. It's just him in the dance room, waiting
for something to happen because Jimin and Hoseok won't be able to make it to practice. He
stares at the reflection in the big mirrors; a small boy hunching over in exhaustion. He has yet
to warm up and he doesn’t feel like starting anytime soon, so he’s just sitting here. Waiting
and thinking.

Moments like this remind him of his future. The days he shut himself out from the world and
spent his time in the dance room. In those days he waited for an end or a beginning and
thought of what ifs and could haves.

Staring at his reflection --he's so small, chubby cheeks, Bambi eyes, and a too big nose he
will later grow into-- he tries to recall any type of memory that can let him know why he's in
the past (or an alternate universe) like an action or wish he made before he was sent through
time. All he can really think about, however, are the struggles he had when trying to get his
hyungs to fix their problems.

At some point in their career, group meetings weren't enough to solve problems between
members. In fact, they only gave the members a chance to really let themselves go and insult
or hit like there was no tomorrow.

Jungkook always watched them fight because intervening only made his hyungs turn their
attention to him and further elaborate on their thoughts. Jungkook came to despise those
group meetings. He always came out of the room with tears in his eyes and a bruise forming
on his pale skin --either from gaining his hyungs anger or from a stray punch or object he
didn't have time to avoid. Jungkook is secretly glad that those meetings were called off once
he turned twenty-six.

By then, Jungkook didn't get along with them as the friends and family he considers them to
be. He did try though. He spent months trying to mend his relationships with them. He talked,
bought them things on special occasions and gave them the attention that wasn't considered
annoying or made him look like a brat. He also tried apologizing even if he wasn't the one at
fault.

Eventually, he gave up. What's the purpose of mending friendships if the other person wasn't
willing to try? It frustrates Jungkook because he's someone that lives off of his hyungs lives.
Their happiness is his happiness. Their accomplishments are his and their pain as well. He's
connected to them and will never be able to let them go no matter if he desperately wants to
(and he doesn't want to).

Burying his face in his too small hands, a shaky breath escapes his lips and he lets tears fall
down his cheeks. It doesn't help to remember his past life if he'll only break down at the
memories of pain and longing. And Jungkook has no idea how he can continue to love the
people that hurt him. He always finds himself longing for a group of men that are so far out
of his reach. Even as he watches their young versions enjoy their life as trainees, he finds
himself wishing he can have his much older hyungs with him despite their flaws. It's
confusing, but he assumed that's what people mean by having a love-hate relationship with
someone.
Another sigh leaves Jungkook, choking on a sob as he shakes with the force of his tears. He's
suddenly glad that Jimin and Hoseok did not come. Jungkook hasn't cried this hard for a
while --since the day he became aware of his time traveling he's tried to keep crying to a
minimum. He's tired of crying. He did it so frequently in his previous life and it makes him
feel weak and useless. It reminds him that these tears are caused by the painful rejection of
his hyungs. The tears are a product of a conversation gone wrong, of secrets kept locked
away from the world and a love so strong it hurts when tugged at harshly.

(“Are you saying you wouldn't tell us --the people that raised you-- a problem that could
affect the whole group?” Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat and tries to croak out an
answer through the panic rising in his veins. “Are you saying you don't trust us?!”)

Jungkook bites his bottom lip and hugs his legs close, trying to find some sort of comfort to
fill up the gap of a body that should be next to his.

(“Oh Jungkookie, don't cry, baby.” Jungkook clings tightly to the white jacket in front of him,
body shaking with the force of his sobbing. “You'll be fine Jungkookie. You have me; Jiminie
hyung. And you have the others too. You just have to say the word and we'll help you with
whatever you want."

Jimin holds the crying boy tighter, running his hands through lilac colored hair. “I'll be right
here with you. I'll help you explain yourself and I'll help you accept yourself. You just have to
trust me.”)

Thinking of a time when he used to have it so simple, so easy with the love and support of his
hyungs, he wonders why it all crumbled. Why couldn't he mend his relationships with his
hyungs?

(“Have you figured it out?”

“Yeah. I have.” Jungkook shuts the door behind him and walks up to Jimin who sits on his
bed. “I'm okay with myself.”

Jimin smiles sweetly, reaching out a hand to pull Jungkook towards him. The younger man
stumbles forward and is wrapped in a hug. “Do you want to tell me what prevented you from
accepting yourself?”

Jungkook moves to sit comfortably while in Jimin's firm embrace. He looks up at the only
person who know his secret and meets gray eyes. “I like someone.”
 “Oh?” Jimin moves one of his hands to play with Jungkook's fading blue hair. “Do you want
to tell me who it is?”

“I… Not really.” He mumbles back, resting his head on Jimin's shoulder and basking in the
hug. “You might think I'm gross.”

“I wouldn't think you were gross. If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to. Just
know that I care about you, and I'll be right here when you need me.”

“Okay.” Jungkook feels Jimin press a kiss to his hair and he smiles against the pale skin of
his hyung. He'll tell Jimin when he's ready. He wants to tell Jimin, have him know everything
that Jungkook thinks about. Maybe then he‘ll have the courage to tell the others.)

‘I never told Jimin who I love’ Jungkook bitterly muses in his head. His body trembling while
he suppresses his sobs. Jungkook may have never confessed, but he remembers writing a
letter to his hyungs, letting them know of all the things that make up Jeon Jungkook of
Busan, a thirty-year-old man tired of being an idol.

Maybe that led him to the past.

Chapter End Notes

my notes for this chapters was just "googie recalls memories" but past me didn’t think to
clarify.
 Regulate
Chapter Summary

As painful as it was to be backstage at a concert, Jungkook loved the stage up until the
very end of his career with BTS.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

❝The loud cheering on stage, cheers for our performances, I’ll secure my chosen
dream.❞

-Regulate

Jungkook quietly sits between Namjoon and Hoseok in the conference room, glancing at the
staff around them and Sihyuk staring down each of the current members of BTS. Yoongi sits
to Namjoon’s left with no expression on his face, but having lived with the man for more than
a decade, he can tell the teen is nervous. Namjoon bites his bottom lip next to him, while
Hoseok taps his fingers on his leg with a small frown on his face.

Jungkook turns his attention back to Sihyuk who still looks at them with a stern face laced
with kindness. Jungkook silently thanks his past self for picking this company because it
provides the artist freedom over their music and treats them like the humans and teenagers
they are. That doesn't mean that the trainees aren’t scared of meeting the kind and
understanding CEO in front of him --or that after the expansion of the company and contract
renewals there weren't any restrictions put on them for being public figures across the world.
Jungkook sighs, deciding to break the silence and get this meeting over with.

“So… What is it you wanted to tell us?”

The man locks eyes with him and exhales softly before looking over the three rappers. “I
called you four today to inform you of the plans that the company has decided for BTS.”

Next to him, Jungkook hears his hyungs let out a small breath of relief, but the tension still
remains. “The first thing that will happen is the release of Paldogangsan. There will be
auditions around South Korea, and we plan to use Paldogangsan to encourage the youth to
audition.”

Namjoon nods hesitantly, a question that Jungkook wants an answer to slipping from his
mouth. “Uh… When will it be released?”

“The tenth of this month. In other words, it will be released this upcoming Saturday.” Sihyuk
laces his fingers over the table and levels the four with a gaze of slight concern. Jungkook
doesn't understand why that expression is on his face, the announcement of something like
this should be something great. BTS is about to take its first baby steps, however little, its
exposure to the entertainment industry.

However, Paldogangsan isn't supposed to be released for another week or so. Jungkook
glances at the others and takes in their surprise and delight. It warms Jungkook seeing them
look so happy and proud of themselves for taking their first step into fame. This is their
dream and they are slowly getting there. Jungkook just needs to get the other three vocalists
in the group and BTS will be ready for their debut (or ready to train for their debut.) He just
hopes his interference doesn't affect the opportunity for Jimin, Jin, and Taehyung to join BTS
or Bighit.

"Radio and TV interviews are being scheduled for next week.” Jungkook feels his heart drop
to his stomach at the announcement. “The four of you will have mock interviews this week to
prepare you for any questions that may be asked."

The three rappers nod and Jungkook gives a tight smile, trying to reassure himself that the
mock interviews will be enough to prepare his hyungs of the questions that are bound to be
asked. (He secretly hopes that these interviews will only ask about the process and not belittle
them for whatever reason.)

"I also called you here to discuss the future of BTS."

Jungkook takes a deep breath in, holding it as he watches from the corner of his eyes the way
Namjoon and Hoseok tense up slightly. Yoongi isn't visible from where he sat, but Jungkook
could guess that the oldest is frowning. Jungkook has an idea about the next words, but the
others don't and therefore think the words mean that members will be changed. Or roles.

"The plan is to keep you as a hip hop group. We will continue to focus on rap. However, there
will be additions of vocalists, like Jungkook.” There's a breath of relief in the air as Namjoon
and Hoseok relax. Jungkook does not move at all, waiting for the catch that will change a lot
for the group. “You will also start taking dance lessons."

"What?" Jungkook closes his eyes and lets out a breath, counting until five and not opening
his eyes as Yoongi's voice rings in his ears. Jungkook breathes in for another count of five.
He can feel his muscles start to tense as the conversation goes on.

"Yoongi, these are simple plans that will allow you to continue rapping. You will essentially
become an idol group. The staff and I have discussed this and decided that it would be the
best course of action." Sihyuk calmly explains, leveling Yoongi with a stern gaze.
"I came to be a part of a group that focused on rap. I'm not going to become a part of an idol
group and start dancing."

"Hyung," Jungkook speaks up. He turns to shoot Yoongi a glare despite the disrespect it
shows. “You know that singers will be needed for you three to rap smoothly and save your
breath for shows. Hoseok hyung and I can already dance. It would be a waste not to have our
skills shown.”

“We already have you to sing. Hell, even Hoseok could do it. With or without you.”
Jungkook clenches his hands into fists under the table but remains silent. “What I don’t
understand is why we have to suddenly turn into a stupid idol group just to make the music I
want to make!”

“Have you thought about what people would think?” Jungkook doesn't back down from the
cold gaze that Yoongi gives him. He's had fifteen years of experience to learn how to hold
himself in an argument against his hyungs. No matter what age he is, he won’t let someone
try to dominate him. (He ignores the memory of an older Yoongi spitting hatred and
annoyance onto his vulnerable and naive self.) “Rapping the way you do -and the way you
want- is not gonna be widely accepted as pop music and idol groups are. You’ll hate the
make-up, dieting, dancing and being an entertainer for people, but all of that will be worth it
when your music starts selling.”

Yoongi huffs out a sound, almost like laughter as though he were mocking Jungkook’s words
in his head. “That’s just it! I came from the underground scene to sign myself under a label
that wouldn’t boss me around and put me into an idol group. Yet here I am, being told that I
won’t be in a hip hop group like Epik High, and instead, I’ll have to play dress up!”

“Do you even know if Bang PD-nim is gonna make you wear all of that? Don’t you think that
maybe the staff is doing this to ensure that our group becomes successful? They’re trying to
make us succeed and if becoming an idol group will ensure that we don’t become a flop, then
I’ll take make-up and feminine clothing any day. You should too. At least give it a try before
you start opposing the idea.”

Jungkook waits in anticipation for Yoongi to declare his decision. Not once looking away
because he knows that Yoongi will see it as having power over Jungkook and the preteen
doesn't want to be their mindless minion.

Yoongi glares at him, trying to force Jungkook to back down and essentially 'put him in his
place' but Jungkook won't let him. He gazes back just as intently, not wanting to cower
behind someone for the age difference between them. He doesn't want to fight, doesn't want
to break the small bond he was just starting to build with Yoongi, but he needs to let him
know that a change like this will benefit them in the long run. They need variety if they want
to succeed in an industry as harsh as this one. He needs Yoongi to be accepting of change
because it will happen many times over the course of their career.

Jungkook watches as Yoongi breaks eye contact to face Sihyuk with a small pout of
annoyance and resignment. "I'll stick around to see what kind of group this becomes, but I'll
leave the moment I don't like it."
Sihyuk nods, eyeing both Yoongi and Jungkook before going into more detail about the
group and what their schedule will be like the next few days. The two boys don't talk the rest
of the meeting, nor after. Jungkook isn’t sure if it was wise to leave their argument unsolved,
but he'll worry about it for the next time he sees Yoongi. At least then they’ll both have
cooled off enough to talk without getting defensive.

Jungkook kicks a rock as he makes his way back to the company building, excited to give
Jimin and Hoseok lunch he knows they're going to love. He pauses as he thinks about how
much of a mother-hen he's become when it should be the other way around. However,
Jungkook doesn’t need anyone to mother him, and he feels at ease being able to help his
hyungs –-even if it involves force-feeding them.

“Uh, Jungkook?”

The boy snaps out of his thoughts and turns towards the voice next to him. He looks up to
meet Seokjin’s face and blinks in surprise. He genuinely thought that Seokjin would not try to
contact Jungkook, least of all visit him, but here he is in all his doubt and shyness trying to
talk to a boy five years younger than him in front of the company building.

“Hi? What brings you here?” Jungkook turns his body to fully face his hyung and watches
the teen shift nervously in front of him. Jungkook waits patiently for his hyung to gather his
thoughts. Or wits. Jungkook smiles at the thought and watches Seokjin relax a little.

"I think… I kind of made a decision, but I want to know what made you want to become a
trainee."

Jungkook blinks, not knowing how that's going to help Seokjin, but decides to speak. “Uh…
well, I always wanted to sing.” Jungkook glances down at the ground, trying to recall why he
became an idol in the first place. “But, I think, what I really want is to be on stage and
perform. I want to see fans cheering for my group, and I want to share that experience with
the others who worked just as hard as me to get on stage. Singing is everything to me. It's my
passion, and without that passion, I would be nothing."

He feels alive when singing. And in his last moments of being Jungkook of BTS, he only felt
alive on stage. Not even making music, rehearsing, or singing in his free time made him feel
as alive as standing on stage. The love from his fans, loud music, and intricate
choreographies made his heart beat faster from exhilaration and exhaustion. He loved the
moments where he could pretend that everything was okay, that nothing had changed
between the boys and their love for music. As painful as it was to be backstage at a concert,
Jungkook loved the stage up until the very end of his career with BTS. Now, he only hopes
that he can show his hyungs just how wonderful it is to host a concert, no matter how small
the venue, how inexperienced they may be, or how small their fandom is in this life.
"I see." Jungkook looks back up, curiously watching Seokjin shift in place and glance around
in nervousness. "Is it possible for me to join?"

Jungkook blinks in response before reaching up to scratch the back of his ear. "The company
is actually gonna have auditions. I can let you know when they are so you can audition if you
want?"

Seokjin nods, a smile spreading across his lips. “I’d really appreciate it.”

Jungkook smiles back, his fingers fiddling with the box of food he brought for Hoseok and
Jimin. “If I may ask, what made you want to audition?” He watches as Seokjin's cheeks turn
red, whether from embarrassment or not, Jungkook doesn't know.

“It was just like you said. A child wants to make their parents proud in any way they can.
I’ve never done anything extraordinary that would make my mother brag about her only son.
I decided to take my chances and give her something she could use."

Even though he knows that his eldest hyung made the same decision in another life,
Jungkook can't help but feel pride. Seokjin is a shy person, despite his loud behavior when
around people he's familiar with, and the acting major he took in order to get out of his shell.
Seokjin is not much of a leader, doesn't take much initiative, but rather follows others and
silently gives support. Seeing Seokjin come to a decision that will impact his life is
something extraordinary in his eyes. It isn't often that Jungkook will see him make an
important decision, if at all. Seokjin isn't their leader, nor is he always deciding how the
group will live their lives. Seokjin is simply a pillar of support that Jungkook is grateful to
have had when he was still a naive teenager. Being able to witness the beginning of what
made Seokjin become the person he was, rather than listen to stories, opened Jungkook’s eyes
to see his oldest hyung in a new light.

“I’m glad that you have something you can work hard on.” Jungkook sends a blinding smile
at Seokjin. “I’m sure your hard work will pay off one day.”

“I hope so.”

Jungkook turns around and waves for the man to follow him, wanting him to meet Hoseok
and Jimin. When he's sure the older boy can’t see his face, Jungkook lets his smile turn into a
frown and his eyebrows pinch themselves together at the words Seokjin had spoken. He has
to work a lot on the man’s confidence.

(“Haven’t you ever thought that maybe I’m trying my damned hardest to be at your level of
perfection?!” Jungkook brings his hands up in surrender, backing away from the outburst he
should have expected, but the accusation is not something he thought would come at him.
“It’s because of people like you that I can’t show my worth! I have to work harder than you
just to get half of the recognition you get!”

“You do get recognition though!” Jungkook tries to reason, desperately trying to defend
Seokjin from his own pessimism.
“For all the wrong things! I’m funny, sure. I’m handsome, yes. I’m an entertainment to the
public, but I’m not the best dancer and I’m not a skilled singer.” Seokjin breathes out a
desperate and exasperated laugh. “I really was just the pretty face of the group. Good for
nothing else but raise all six of you and hope that one day all my hard work wouldn’t have
been in vain.”

Jungkook stays silent at that.)

 Whalien 52
Chapter Summary

He wants to escape this situation and crush these feelings into dust because he dislikes
feeling this way.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝The world will never know how sad I am.❞

-Whalien 52

Jungkook takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Fright, anticipation, and
agitation dance around in the pit of his stomach, making him uneasy as he opens his eyes to
stare at the door to the dance room. He wants to turn around and run away if only to hide for
a few hours before facing the inevitable apology that has the possibility of turning
confrontational.

In a time when group meetings don't exist, Jungkook has no idea if he wants to go through
with this meeting. There are no rules regarding apologies set in stone at this time which
means that anything can happen while he apologizes. There's the chance that Yoongi will
accept his apology but not say his own thoughts and apology back to Jungkook. Jungkook
sighs, having a deep desire to just curl into a ball in the middle of the hallway so he doesn't
have to exist for a few minutes. However, the group is going to host a mock interview and
Jungkook has to be present even with his first-hand experience in handling all types of
unsavory rumors.

Taking another deep breath, Jungkook opens the door enough to poke his head in. He sees the
small studio occupied by five chairs, a camera, and three bodies. The other boys are sitting in
three of the four chairs located in the middle of the room. The fifth chair is a few feet away,
presumably the one for the interviewer. No one takes notice of him as he walks in to stand in
front of the door closed behind him. He watches for a few seconds as Hoseok laughs and
leans against Yoongi for support, who smiles and tries to spill out more words to Namjoon on
his right. Their reflection in the mirror makes it easier to see Namjoon's own smile as they
enjoyed their time together.

Jungkook feels out of place. It isn't the first time, but it makes him feel genuinely misplaced
both as the time-traveling adult and the teenager he is. He knows too much about them,
knows what they can become and that prevents him from asking anything personal, anything
that can show he wants to bond with them. It keeps him from speaking to Namjoon and
Yoongi because their personalities are simply harder to get used to than Hoseok's friendly
one. Jungkook also feels like he knows very little. This is ironic considering he comes from
the future. However, he's a teenager at this time and that's how everyone sees him. Dumb,
naive and so easy to manipulate. In his past life –-and apparently in this life as well-– he
doesn't know much about the dynamics of these three rappers. They knew each other longer
than the others, they were the first to come together and make the group that Jungkook would
later join as the first vocalist. He didn't get along with them as they did with each other. Even
knowing them as long as he did, he never felt like his bond with them was as strong as their
bond with each other. It's those thoughts and feelings that make Jungkook feel misplaced as
he stands to the side and watches them enjoy themselves without him. But he's also glad that
they are happy. Even if it isn't him that makes them smile, seeing them happy puts him at
ease. This is what he enjoys seeing when he feels like the past is too much to handle. This is
what leads him to think that maybe he time traveled just to see them smile in genuine and
innocent happiness.

"Hyung."

Jungkook tries to suppress a smile when he sees all three boys turn their heads to him,
suddenly attentive to his presence and what Jungkook has to say. He'd forgotten how amusing
it is to see all his hyungs turn to him with just one word. They always look concerned,
worried, or ready to indulge Jungkook in his wishes depending on the situation. Jungkook
always believed it had something to do with being the youngest, always having his hyungs
dote on him for his young age, and the fact that they raised him and were simply hyper-aware
of anything he did lest he injured himself or something. He always took advantage of this in
his past life, wondering if they would ever notice that Jungkook loves getting their attention,
loves to know that despite their bonds breaking into pieces they will always instinctively turn
their attention to their maknae at just one word.

A little bubble of nostalgia and bitterness settles in the pit of his stomach. Here he stands in
front of a hyung he argued with, demanding his attention despite the small strain in their
interactions. Jungkook is grimly reminded of all those occasions he would say hyung just to
have some sort of reassurance that 'no, his hyungs don't hate him yet.'

"What is it Jungkookie?" Hoseok asks in genuine confusion. His voice is soft and kind, a
deep contrast to his Hoseok who wouldn't sound as sweet, patient, and kind as this one when
in a similar situation. Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from getting lost
in memories that don't exist anymore.

"Um. Yoongi hyung." Jungkook bashfully looks down at the ground, inwardly cursing his
teenage hormones for making him feel so guilty, shy and so much like the nervous and
introverted kid he used to be. With a soft voice, projecting more of his insecurities and guilt
than he likes, he continues. "I'm sorry for speaking up against you yesterday. I just... I didn't
like that you were belittling idols because I always wanted to be an idol and it felt like an
insult to my dream. I-" Jungkook bites his bottom lip, unsure if he should voice his worries.
He looks up to see Yoongi's expectant eyes waiting for him to continue and finish what he's
saying. He quickly tries to gather his thoughts, deciding to approach this the way he would
when he was older. Satisfy their ego and pride, and belittle his own actions as he explains
why he behaved in such an unacceptable manner.

"I was also a bit sad thinking that you would leave the group. I know we haven't really gotten
to know each other, but I really like you hyung, and I want to make more music with
someone as dedicated and talented as you. It didn't feel right that someone as passionate as
you would back down at a chance of debut just because of the label we would begin to wear.
Despite my concerns and fright, I shouldn't have interrupted you or argued. I was out of line
doing so, and for that, I'm sorry."

Jungkook bows for a further apology, aware of the silence as Yoongi processes the jumble of
words Jungkook threw at him to please him. Standing up straight, he catches Hoseok's eyes
looking at him with a frown. Then he sees Namjoon's thoughtful gaze between him and
Yoongi. Jungkook hesitates to look at the one he's apologizing to, afraid of not having
satisfied Yoongi with the apology.

"Jungkook." The teen looks at Yoongi, surprised at the gentle tone being used. "I forgive you,
but I also have to apologize for yelling and insulting you. It wasn't right of me to do that,
even if I am older than you."

Flabbergasted, Jungkook stares at Yoongi completely caught off guard at the apology and the
soft tone. "Uh... I forgive you."

Jungkook catches Hoseok smile, probably relieved that there isn't going to be any tension
between Jungkook and Yoongi for the rest of their time together, but Jungkook also notices
the endearment in the way his eyes crinkle at the edges. It reminds him of all the times he
received that smile when he did something 'cute.'

"You sound confused," Namjoon says, his own smile on his lips as he looks at the teen.
Jungkook feels as confused as Namjoon implies he is. The whole situation went differently to
what he expected. It was too easy to apologize and gain forgiveness and an apology from
Yoongi. It was never that easy in his past life, so being in this situation throws Jungkook for a
loop.

"I'm kinda confused. I didn't think it would be so easy to gain forgiveness." The three rappers
look at him in varying amounts of confusion and astonishment. Jungkook doesn't understand
why because he genuinely thinks his comment is reasonable after all the times he found
himself apologizing to his hyungs in the future.

"Ah," Namjoon speaks again. "I know Yoongi seems like a cold guy and all, but he can be
really understanding. Sure, he has his moments when he's angry, but he tries to apologize
once he's realized he's made mistakes and hurt others unintentionally. You shouldn't expect
him to be so antisocial often."
Jungkook nods at the words, bashfully smiling at Yoongi for making assumptions about him.
Jungkook is still wary around Yoongi and Namjoon, but thanks to Namjoon's explanation its
easier for Jungkook to remember and see Yoongi for the eighteen-year-old he is, and not the
thirty-four-year-old he could become.

"Right, sorry hyung." Yoongi gives him his own small smile to reassure and its filled with
foreign kindness --at least foreign to Jungkook who's used to seeing and receiving anything
but kindness from Yoongi for a long time.

"Take a seat Jungkookie. We're still waiting for the other staff members to come." Hoseok
pats the empty seat next to him, the one furthest away from where the interviewer will be
seated. Jungkook nods as he makes his way over and sits down. He smiles at the hand that
ruffles his hair. He remembers that he once considered the furthest seat from the interviewer
the safest one. He always had his hyungs to react as a buffer to people that could either flirt,
harm, or target him for questions. Although, as he got older, he would sit in this spot as a way
to avoid the questions that made his heart ache from how dishonest his answers always were.

Jungkook stares at his smiling reflection, wondering when he got so good at faking his
expressions. Was it when he first learned to be an idol? When he decided he didn't want
people to know his secret? Or when he wanted to fool the public into thinking that everything
behind camera was fine? Jungkook wonders if he ever slipped on these charming smiles to
the people he cares about --and who remained none the wiser to the emotions rumbling inside
him.

"What are you doing smiling so adorably?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes and drops his smile to give Hoseok a small glare. He adds a small
pout for maximum effect so Hoseok can get distracted with something else.

"Why do I feel like I'm being manipulated by your cute face?" He hears the teen mutter. He
crouches down so he faces Jungkook and uses his hands to pinch at his chubby cheeks which
causes Jungkook to wrinkle his nose at the feeling of his skin being pulled. As much as he
misses the affection, Jungkook definitely doesn't miss the cheek pulling.

"Hyun', thah hurshts." Hoseok coos over his speech before letting go and giving a gentle pat
to his right cheek.

"So?" Hoseok gives him a smile, expecting Jungkook to answer him. Jungkook simply blinks
up at him in confusion.

"So what?"

"Why were you smiling at your reflection?"

"Oh." Jungkook glances at the floor and contemplates just melting on the spot to avoid these
kinds of questions. "I just thought that maybe I should practice not looking dumb when I
smile during interviews."

Jungkook glances up to see Hoseok staring back at him with a blank face. "You did really
good though." Hoseok leans away to tower over him. "You did better than us three. Even
Sungdeuk-ssi said you were perfect."

Jungkook's eyebrows furrow for a second. He tried to seem clueless by stuttering out
responses that always needed a bit more prompting for a clear answer, still he was
significantly better than the others who aren't sure when their explanations are enough of an
answer. What he did wasn't perfect in any way, but considering it should have been the first
time he got interviewed like this in this life, he did leagues better than what was expected of
him.

"You really are the golden brat I said you were."

Jungkook smiles cheekily, watching Hoseok's lips form into a smile as well. "Why can't it
just be maknae?"

Yoongi walks over to stand next to Hoseok. "You're kinda bossy, maybe that's why."

Jungkook blinks, taken aback by the words. He didn't think that he was being bossy since he
doesn't outright tell the others what to do. Would implying the boys to do something be
considered bossy? Maybe it's the manipulation that he's subtly trying to do that came off as
bossy to his hyungs. Still…

"Bossy?"

"It's your nature as a kid. It's nothing too noticeable or crazy, but whenever you get the
chance, the way you speak sounds like you're trying to order us to do something." Namjoon
adds from his own spot on the floor of the dance room. "You're a bit demanding. Like when
we were recording paldogangsan."

Jungkook looks down at the floor, his mind running with thoughts about his behavior. It isn't
anything new. He recalls being told that he should not be so domineering when he was
younger, and Jungkook tried his best not to be until he didn't have to try anymore. Now,
however, he's demanding in a different way. While he isn't arrogant in his demands, he might
have been pressuring his hyungs into doing something without giving them much of an
option. He isn't taking their opinion into consideration or giving them freedom over their own
actions.

"It's not very noticeable, and not necessarily a bad thing since you're not bossy in an arrogant
way, but it's there. I think it's best if we tell you now so you can work on it. We're not trying
to offend you and we're not very annoyed about it. We're just a bit worried that it might
escalate into something bad if we let it grow," Jungkook looks up to meet Namjoon's eyes,
not feeling the slightest bit better at the realization that he was subtly --but very effectively--
manipulating their lives and choices. It doesn't matter to him that his hyungs aren't really
bothered by his behavior because they assume it has to do with his age and whatnot. What
really has him worried is that eventually, his hyungs won't tolerate his behavior, or he'll
annoy them with his overbearing behavior. Worse yet, he may not even get to strengthen his
bonds with them and simply drive them away and shatter the hopes of mending his
relationships with them.

"Oh." He feels like the biggest idiot in the world. How could he not have thought of their
feelings before?

Hoseok and Namjoon stare back at him with tilted heads and a look of confusion on their
faces while Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Uh, thanks for telling me. I didn't know that I was overbearing." Jungkook looks down at his
lap, hearing some shuffling in front of him.

"Hey, we're not angry. It's just like Namjoon said, we're not bothered by it. We were like that
too when we were younger, and we know that you can grow out of it since you're not a bad
kid."

'But I'm not a kid. I'm thirty years old and shouldn't have been acting as though I were
actually thirteen.'

"Okay." Jungkook makes his voice as small as possible, hoping that maybe it'll help him
become as nonexistent as he wants to be at that moment. A small bubbling feeling of shame,
guilt, and worry starts to fill him up. He wants to escape this situation and crush these
feelings into dust because he dislikes feeling this way. He feels nauseous and like the villain
that his hyungs once made him out to be. He doesn't understand why he feels like this when
he never felt any kind of remorse any time he did something similar in his past life.

(It claws its way up to his throat, desperate for a release, for a cry that will bring him no
help. He swallows it down, not wanting to hear how helpless he feels.)

"Why don't we dance Jungkookie?" Comes Hoseok's gentle voice. Jungkook looks up,
forcing all of his emotions to stay away when he smiles sweetly at his hyung.

"Why do you always smile so adorably? If you're not careful, people will fall for you."

Jungkook fights the urge to frown at the words. Instead, he let out a small laugh that feels and
sounds unfamiliar to him. It's been a long time since he last laughed like this.

(The hands on his mouth are wet with tears and saliva, muffling the noises of desperation,
shame, sadness, and shattered hope as he shakes with the force of his tears.

'What did I do?' is the only thought that runs through his head repeatedly.)
"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself? Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung haven't
said anything about my smile." Hoseok smiles playfully, his lips wavering as he tries to
suppress a laugh.

"Plus, people will fall in love with me once we debut."

Hoseok laughs, his voice high pitched and loud. Jungkook stares in awe as Hoseok covers his
mouth delicately with one hand and leans over on Yoongi's shoulder, similarly to the way he
found the three rappers earlier as he went to apologize. Hearing his hyungs laugh with no
limits morphs his sweet smile into a genuine one --one that doesn't feel like a plastic mask is
taped over his face: one that makes him feel more like himself and less like the Idol he was
raised to be.

(The ends of his vision blur, his shaking lessening as his body slowly shuts down. He gives
out one small cry of helplessness and hopes that maybe he can trust his hyungs one last time
to save him.

Deep down he knows that he shouldn't trust the ones that led him here in the first place.)

"Oh man." Hoseok calms down, letting out the occasional huff of laughter and looking back
at Jungkook who hadn't moved from his spot on the cold dance floor. "You're quite confident
aren't you?"

"He sounds more like he has a big ego. Maybe it's from all the times you call him our
adorable maknae." Yoongi grumbles, trying to pry Hoseok off of his shoulder. "Rather than
an adorable maknae, I feel like we have more of a mischievous maknae."

(A distant sound of something heavy breaking catches his attention, his vision suddenly filling
with the faces of his hyungs towering over him. He vaguely feels being held close to someone,
and hears the sound of people yelling --or is that sobbing?-- Jungkook doesn't know, but for a
moment they look like they're worried. Like they care.

"Jungkook!"

Jungkook tries his hardest to burn the images and sounds of his hyungs acting worried into
his mind so that it's the last thing he ever sees before his vision blurs completely and he can't
distinguish where each sound of panic comes from.)

Jungkook watches his three hyungs in amusement as they start to talk about the kind of
maknae he is, both defending and labeling him.
 In the middle of laughing over Namjoon's opinion, he catches sight of his reflection in the
mirror, staring at the small boy with a smile of an experienced man.

Sometimes, Jungkook forgets how good he is at fooling himself.

Chapter End Notes

some of the flashbacks will have their own chapters or be expanded on later.
 Promise
Chapter Summary

“What’s wrong? We’ll listen to you.”

(‘Will you really?’)

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝Now promise me several times a day: even if you feel that you are alone, don't throw
yourself away, hold on for a moment. intertwine our pinkies and promise me now.❞

-Promise

“This is cramped.”

Jungkook huffs, moving to pick up a duffel bag by the shared closet. Yoongi and Namjoon
stand in the doorway of the room filled with bunk beds. There are four bunk beds to
accommodate eight trainees, meaning that there is little space to place all of his belongings,
and therefore struggles to keep all of his things in one place.

“There’s eight of us living here.” Jungkook hands a bag to Yoongi who grunts at the weight.

“Well, there’s more space at our dorm since there’s three of us --four now.” Namjoon walks
over to help Jungkook with another bag as he spoke. Jungkook huffs out a chuckle, covering
his mouth with a small hand and turning away from his hyungs.

“With the path that the group is starting to take, I don’t think we’ll stay as four people for
very long.”

Yoongi groans somewhere behind him, probably at the thought of having to share a tiny dorm
with more than three people.
“Uh, Jungkook? There’s like three different suitcases in this closet, which one is yours?”
Comes Hoseok’s voice from the room next to them. Jungkook sighs, wondering how many of
his things are mixed with those of his roommates. None of the other trainees are currently in
the dorm (which is a relief because he doesn't have to answer any questions or taunting from
his older roommates.) so it's much easier for them to go around the dorm and find all of
Jungkook’s belongings. It also means that no one can yell about their things being rummaged
through all because Jungkook’s items are piled with someone else’s.

Making his way to a different room, he spots Hoseok staring intently at three suitcases, as
though one of the suitcases will reveal itself as Jungkook's. Smiling at the thought, Jungkook
reaches over to the gray suitcase and pushes it towards his hyung. Hoseok gasps out an ‘oh’
and takes the handle, carefully prying it away from the other suitcases and facing Jungkook
for further instructions. Jungkook is vaguely reminded of his younger self when he used to
stand around waiting to be ordered to do something. It feels weird watching one of his
hyungs act so lost like a little kid.

“Hey, kid, we don't have all day."

Jungkook turns around to see Yoongi leaning to one side from the weight of the bag in his
hand. He has an eyebrow raised and a look of annoyance --or is that impatience?-- on his
face. Jungkook blinks, suddenly feeling very much like his mental age of thirty. His hyungs
are so young and that's shown by the lack of patience they have, how they need to be told
what to do so they don’t stand on the sidelines awkwardly.

"There should be a bag of shoes at the front door. Unless the others fucked around with that
too and placed it elsewhere." Jungkook says with annoyance. He turns to face the front door,
ignoring Yoongi shaking his head, taken aback at hearing him curse with such anger and
annoyance.

“What do you mean by ‘others fucking around with that too’?” He hears Namjoon question.
Jungkook walks over to the front door, a scowl on his face as he rummages through the duffel
bag and realizes some of his shoes are missing. He doesn't care that it seems rude of him to
brush Namjoon off as he did.

“They like to bother me because I’m the maknae of the dorm and they think I’m dumb and
ignorant,” Jungkook states, closing his duffel bag and standing back up to search around the
small apartment. He brushes past Yoongi as they all watch him head back inside the room
with bunk beds.

It isn’t anything new to Jungkook. Since awakening in the past, he was continuously teased
and bullied. It's one of the reasons why he avoids the dorms throughout the day, only coming
back late at night to sleep, and waking up early to make himself food and slip out unnoticed.

“I honestly can’t wait to leave them,” Jungkook pauses as he starts to rummage under the
bunk beds in search of his shoes. “I’m tired of always having to look around for my things
and coming back to see my things have been messed with.” Jungkook throws some objects
that aren’t his out of the way, not caring about the mess he makes. (His roommates are
already really messy which disgusts his thirty-year-old self to no end.)
When he finally has all of his shoes, he stands up and turns around to see his hyungs staring
at him in uncertainty. Confused, Jungkook tilts his head to the side and glances around him,
taking in the mess he made while searching for his belongings. Realization dawns on him as
he thinks back to what he said. Right when he opens his mouth to explain, Namjoon’s voice
cuts through the room and causes Jungkook to flinch at the concern that seems to roll off him
in waves.

“They bully you then.” It's not a question, and Namjoon isn’t asking for confirmation.
Jungkook can only stare back, his eyes moving from one hyung to the next until he decides to
look down at the duffel bag he carries with both hands. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Jungkook sighs. He's able to handle these kinds of situations. The ones where he gets picked
on and he takes it without a word, already knowing that he should act indifferent towards the
acts and never complain. He lived through it when he first joined BigHit, during the last few
years of Bangtan, and these past few weeks after coming from the future. He didn’t say a
word because he still thinks of himself as a thirty-year-old. He's a man that doesn't need help
in handling bullies or stuck-up trainees.

“I was able to handle it myself.” Jungkook murmurs resigned to getting a lecture at that very
moment. He doesn't dare to fight back the sudden vulnerability he feels as he cowers under
his hyungs’ sharp gazes. “I’ll be able to live with you three anyway. There’s no point in
worrying about it now.”

Jungkook keeps his head ducked down as he pushes past them and makes his way to the front
door, not caring about his manners in the least. He only hopes that his hyungs drop the
subject and don't try to pry into it later on.

“You moved into Hoseok hyung’s dorm?” Jimin repeats, gazing at Jungkook in disbelief. His
plump lips are slightly parted, eyes a bit wider than normal, and his head tilting slightly
downwards to mimic the face his Jimin always made when surprised about something.
“Why?”

“Because I’m part of the group?” Jungkook uncaps his bottle of water, pausing when he
catches sight of Jimin’s affronted look. “What?”

“You never told me you were a part of a group!” Jimin places his palms on the floor in front
of him and leans forward to get closer to Jungkook. The maknae simply blinks and tries to
recall ever telling Jimin that he's a part of Bangtan.

He can't recall anything of the sort. This means that he never told his precious person
something so important.

“Well, I helped the hyungs make a song and I got added to the group. Since the song was
released today, it cemented the idea that I'm a part of the group, so I moved into their dorm
yesterday.” Which is a thing that greatly concerns Jungkook. He has no idea how the song
will be taken by the public. It could go extremely well, or it could greatly damage his
hyungs’ hopes and mentality.

Jimin suddenly gasps, scaring Jungkook out of his thoughts.

“Hoseok hyung never told me he's a part of a group either!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at his hyung’s dramatics. Quietly thankful that Jimin doesn't seem at
all jealous of his spot in a group. ‘Unlike the other trainees.’ It's like the animosity towards
him multiplied by a hundred. Jungkook does not like it one bit.

“What’s it like?”

Jungkook turns to look at Jimin, his eyes shining brightly in curiosity. He’s leaning forward
again, ready to soak up the information that Jungkook provides.

“We haven’t started doing much together except prepare the song for the announcement of
the auditions.” Jungkook watches in amusement as Jimin sags his shoulders, not at all
satisfied by the response. He brings his bottle to his lips and smiles endearingly as his hyung
grumbles about anticlimactic responses.

“We have been doing mock interviews, though,” Jungkook adds after taking a few sips of
water. “We’re also gonna start taking dance lessons together since Yoongi and Namjoon
hyung don’t really dance.”

“Oh. It’s going to be like an idol group then?” Jungkook nods. “Then, are you gonna be a
rapper that dances?”

Jungkook smiles gently at the softness of Jimin’s voice. He soon lets out a noise of
amusement. It's not quite a giggle, but it's close to one, and Jungkook refuses to feel
embarrassed about it. “I don’t know if I’ll be a rapper. I do know that I’ll be a singer, though.
We might add more singers and dancers though.”

Jimin nods, eagerly soaking up the words that escape Jungkook’s mouth. He briefly wonders
if Jimin has always been this eager to know about the group. Had he missed the behavior
when he was younger? Or has his friendship with Jimin caused the change in personality?

“I have to get better then! Maybe, if I’m good enough, I can be a part of the group.” Jimin’s
voice grows softer as he speaks, head tilting down shyly. Jungkook watches on in pride, glad
to see Jimin showing the little confidence he was starting to gain.

“Do you think it’s possible? You were able to make it in, and you’re younger than me.”

Jungkook internally winces at the last part. He doesn't like that his age is being thrown into
the mix. He always thought that his age should not matter when it comes to justifying why
one should be able to do the same thing as him. He also doesn't want to be envied for being
able to do something despite his age. He's currently the youngest in Bangtan (and by many
years) so he will get a lot of backlash from other trainees for being able to do something they
couldn’t. Still, Jungkook can handle that just like he was able to handle hundreds of haters
around the world. His hyungs, however, are a different story because he won’t be able to
handle the sharp gazes and jealousy rolling off of them in waves. It would remind him too
much of the future he doesn’t want; of the hyungs he loves and hates with his whole heart
and soul.

“I think if you just continue to work hard, and show the company what you can do, you’ll be
able to join.”

Jimin gazes up at him, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as though he doubts it'll work.
Jungkook looks away, gazing at himself in the big mirrors of the small studio they're in. He
doesn't like that look. He dislikes that he doesn't know what to do to convince his hyungs that
they are great in their own way --that they can do great things if they put their mind to it.

He dislikes that sometimes he doubts his own words because there is a chance that things will
take a turn for the worst.

“Have you read anything about our song?” Hoseok asks from the small couch of the ‘living
room’ --which is really just a big space divided into the kitchen and living room.

Jungkook freezes midway to mixing his ramen at the kitchen counter, a wave of
uncontrollable fear and anxiety washing over him as he tries to catch his breath.

Paldogangsan has been released for a day already, likely to have captured the attention of the
public by now. Jungkook has been jittery since its release. He called Seokjin to inform him of
the audition dates in a trembling voice he managed to convince the college student to believe
to be fatigue from dancing despite Jungkook’s lazy position on the couch. He also somehow
convinced his current hyungs to postpone checking any feedback on the song, just so
Jungkook had the time to review the opinions and memorize what social media apps to avoid.

Despite all that, Jungkook had no idea that his hyungs already started searching for reactions.

"I read a few comments on Twitter," Yoongi says as he strolls into the kitchen. His hair is a
mess from waking up minutes ago and squinting under the natural light coming through the
windows. He doesn't notice Jungkook's frozen state, how his breathing increased from the
words that were said. If there is one platform that Jungkook does not want them to look at, it's
Twitter. The website is guaranteed to have negative comments no matter how overwhelming
the wave of positive comments is.

"We're on the news," Namjoon says as he passes by the kitchen to get to the bathroom.
Jungkook's eyes follow his leader, surprised that their song reached the news. He doesn't
remember this ever happening to them on their pre-debut days --or the first three years after
their official debut. Then again, he doesn't remember many things from this time.
"Hey, Jungkook? You okay?"

The preteen jumps in his spot, almost spilling his ramen as he turns around to face Yoongi
who looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Sorry, I was just thinking. I didn't think that we
would get on the news."

"Holy shit, we are on the news!" Came Hoseok's voice. The two turn to look at him, hearing
him play the video of a news anchor talking about them and playing a snippet of their song.

"I look dumb," Hoseok pouts at his phone. Jungkook smiles, knowing that he's talking about
the recorded video of them rapping the song.

"I'm sure others don't think that, hyung." Jungkook goes back to mixing his ramen, ignoring
the icky feeling of panic running through his veins.

“We have an interview later today, don’t we?” Jungkook asks, trying to divert their attention
away from looking at comments. It kind of works. Hoseok continues to scroll through his
phone while Yoongi answers his question.

“Yup. We’re performing live on a radio station.” Jungkook nods, watching as Yoongi walks
over to Hoseok so they can look at the reactions of people. He winces as he thinks of all the
things one person can say. He knows that Yoongi and Namjoon are probably used to it. They
more than likely had experience with hate, but Jungkook is concerned about how much they
can handle before they let the hate get to them. He's also worried about Hoseok who's already
insecure in his rapping, despite doing very well on it. Hoseok cares a lot about others’
opinions. He takes it to heart and will use that opinion to pass his limits in unhealthy ways.

“Hey, Jungkook are you okay?”

Startled, Jungkook drops his chopsticks, wincing at the noise they make as they clatter onto
the table and down to the floor. He picks them up swiftly, cursing himself for getting lost in
his thoughts once again.

“What’s wrong Jungkook?”

The time traveler looks up to meet Namjoon’s worried face. Biting his lip, he turns away and
places his chopsticks on the counter, not wanting to burden his leader again. “I’m fine. I just
got distracted by my thoughts.”

Namjoon hums, placing a hand on his shoulder as a way of comfort. “I’m glad you’re fine,
then. For a second you looked shocked and kind of scared.”

Jungkook forces out a chuckle, picking up another pair of chopsticks to use for his ramen. He
knows how he looks whenever he ponders something. He’d seen quite a few of his fans point
out how wide his eyes get and how lost he looks whenever he accidentally zones out in the
middle of an interview. “Nah, That’s just my thinking face. Sorry for worrying you.”

He quickly moves away, slipping out of Namjoon’s grasp as he picks up his ramen cup and
makes his way to the living room with Hoseok and Yoongi. He sits down gently, not wanting
to spill his ramen all over the couch or Yoongi who's next to him.

“Oh! Jungkookie, someone said you were cute.” He looks up, ramen hanging from his
chopsticks as he glances at his hyung from the corner of his eye. “Actually, a lot of these are
about how young you look.”

Jungkook smiles cheekily, "I told you that people would fall in love with me."

A snort of laughter leaves Hoseok's mouth followed by Yoongi's chuckling. It makes

Jungkook smile wider, not wanting to give in to his own bad thoughts about what could go
wrong. (Maybe, if he wishes hard enough, they won’t have to experience all the bad things he
once did.)

Namjoon walks into the living room, choosing to rest against the couch behind Hoseok and
Yoongi, peeking over their shoulders to view the comments. At this, Jungkook stares at them
with worry. It's like seeing them at their prime. The vulnerability of them as they wait for a
response to their comebacks. It's the way they slouch and laze about the dorm that makes
them look so young and naive; obsessive and bitter.

“What’s wrong, Jungkookie?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, he takes a better look at them. He sees their excitement, hope,
energy, and determination. He sees them hold themselves a little taller and their features look
a little brighter. They are the small naive teenagers that got ahead of themselves, soon to be
crushed by the suffocating weight of fame.

“I was just thinking,” Jungkook bites his bottom lip, no longer trying to mask his worry and
sadness.

(“You know you can tell us whatever is bothering you.” Seokjin gently places a hand on
Jungkook’s thigh, squeezing it lightly as a way to encourage Jungkook to talk. “We’ll always
be here to listen.”

Jungkook nods, looking down at the hand on his thigh. Seokjin always does that when trying
to comfort Jungkook. It's like a reminder that Seokjin is always there, no matter how often
they bicker. In a way, Jungkook thinks it's a reminder that he's there for Seokjin as well. A
reassurance that Jungkook is present --real in a way that means he isn’t going to abandon
them.

“I just don’t want to be a burden.”

Seokjin smiles, patting Jungkook’s thigh as he spoke. “At least try to tell us when something
we do is bothering you. I know that you’re our baby, and what we do may not always be
something you like. We all know that you want to tell us something about our safety and we’ll
appreciate it if you do.” Seokjin delicately places his hand under Jungkook’s chin and
carefully tilts his head up, smiling softly at him. “We’ll listen to you."

‘Will you really?’ is the first thought that goes through his head, but he smiles back at his
hyung and nods. “I’ll try to speak to you, then.”)

“You’ve been thinking a lot, and not good things either.” Namjoon points out, giving him a
concerned look. “What’s wrong? We’ll listen to you.”

(‘Will you really?’)

“I just don’t want to know what people think of the song or us.”

Hoseok tilts his head to the side in confusion. “Don’t you want to know of its success?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want the negative criticism to affect me. I don’t know how I’ll handle it.
I’d rather avoid seeing it.” Jungkook looks down at his cup of ramen, suddenly losing his
appetite. “I guess, I’m also worried about you three. I don’t know how the hate will affect
you and I don’t want us to change ourselves just to avoid receiving hate.”

“Is that why you didn’t want us to look at the reactions yesterday? You wanted to keep us
from experiencing hate as long as you could?” Yoongi questions. Jungkook nods in response,
glancing at them nervously.

(“You can’t tell us what to do Jungkook! You’re not some kind of god to control us!”

“I’m just trying to protect you!” He yells back in desperation.

“I don’t need it from a naive kid like you!”)

“I know it’s silly.” Jungkook places his ramen cup on the small table in front of him and starts
to play with his fingers. “I can’t protect us from all the bad things in the world, but I also
don’t want us to change who we are just to please others.” ‘I’m tired of acting like someone
I’m not. I’m tired of being manipulated to fit molds I was never meant to fit into.’

“You’ve never experienced hate, have you?” Namjoon speaks softly as though Jungkook
were a small, scared animal.

“I’ve seen what expectations and criticism do to my friends. I don’t want to see you guys
change just to please everyone else but yourself.” The faint images of his hyungs skipping
meals, overworking themselves, and obsessing over their beauty flash through his mind and
makes him cringe. “I don’t want to see what people think of me because I know that I’ll want
to conform to their views. I just want to be myself, and be proud of who I am.”

Yoongi stands up and walks over to Jungkook. He crouches down and stares up at him. “Just
tell us you don’t want us to look at reactions, Jungkook. We’ll listen to you.”

(‘No you won’t.’)

“Will you?” Jungkook whispers, feeling the heavy hormones of age thirteen and the mental
fatigue of age thirty. “Will you promise not to look at social media so you can live happily
and freely? To feel like you can be your own person and not worry about how many people
will like you today? Fame doesn’t have mercy for the weak-minded, I know this much. We
can’t do much against its harsh reality, but we can try our damned hardest to avoid seeing it.
You simply have to be committed.”

Yoongi stares at him with a mix of surprise and resolve. Glancing at the others, Jungkook
sees their wonder as they gaze back at him.

“Well, I definitely wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth.” Yoongi gives a small
smile, one that barely makes the ends of his lips curl up, but has his eyes crinkle softly at the
edges. Jungkook stares in awe, not having seen one of those smiles directed at him in years.

“I’ll promise not to look at social media that concerns us,” Yoongi promises. Jungkook smiles
softly, satisfied that he has one hyung listening to him. He turns to face the other two, gazing
at them expectantly.

Namjoon smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his head. “I won’t look at it either. It might
be better if our own satisfaction and confidence let us grow.”

“You know, you say a lot of wise things Jungkookie. Are you sure you’re thirteen?” Hoseok
jokes with a small chuckle. Jungkook smiles indulgently while internally panicking that
maybe he should dumb down his knowledge a little bit. “But I’ll promise not to look at
reactions. Being a slave to other people’s opinions doesn’t seem very fun.”

Jungkook's smile widens, satisfied at the outcome that his talking brought up. While it's hard
to open up, he can see the benefits of his hyungs knowing what he's thinking. If only he said
something years ago, maybe he wouldn’t have had to leave his bandmates all that time ago.

(“That’s because you think too much, Jungkookie.” Namjoon rubs his hair affectionately, not
caring that Jungkook’s long strands of hair are getting tangled. “We don’t know what you
think about because you never tell us. For all we know you could be plotting world
domination and we’ll simply believe that you’re thinking about how good the hotdog you ate
tasted.”

Jungkook giggles at the words, hands holding onto Namjoon's shirt as he curls tighter around
his leader. “I won’t plan world domination without you guys.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Sure you won’t.”)

“Do you pinky promise?” Jungkook smiles giddily. Yoongi rolls his eyes, muttering about
maknaes and brats but laces his pinky around his with a crinkle in his eyes. Hoseok laughs
loudly, covering his mouth with a small hand while shakily taking Jungkook’s pinky onto his,
small words of endearment slipping past his lips which cause Jungkook to both preen and
flush under the affection. Namjoon smiles indulgently and ruffles his hair after making their
promise, further causing Jungkook to feel warm at the affection he missed for years.

As childish as it is, it reassures Jungkook that he has their word. It might have also served to
remind his hyungs that they have a child to take care of and indulge in his requests.

Maybe being thirteen isn’t so bad.

(“I’m glad I joined Bangtan, hyung.”

Jimin smiles at his maknae through the mirror, brushing the long strands of hair to detangle
small knots in them. “Why?”

“Because I got to meet all of you. Even if we’re fighting, I know that we still care for each
other.” Jungkook fiddles with the eyeshadow palette in his hands, gazing at all the colors and
trying to pick out which ones he wants to use that day. “It’s not very noticeable, but I know
that they still love each other very much… I still love all of you very much.”

Jimin pinches Jungkook’s cheek affectionately. “What makes you say that though?”

“You haven’t left me.” Jungkook dips his brush into a soft pink color and places it on his
eyelid. “You all promised me to never leave the band before the contract ends.”

Jimin takes a step back, staring Jungkook down through the mirror before picking up a hair
straightener. “That was years ago. It only applied for the contract that ended in 2019.”

“But you’re still here. Six years after our second contract was signed.”

“Maybe we’ve indulged in your wishes for too long.”

“You only did it because you love me.” Jungkook sends a cheeky smile to his hyung who rolls
his eyes in response.
 “I do love you.” Jimin bends over to rest his chin on the maknae’s shoulder. The two stare at
one another through the mirror, both smiling sweetly before Jimin playfully pecks Jungkook’s
cheek, causing a giggle to escape past his pink-colored lips that match his red cheeks. “And
we always will, Jungkookie.”)

Chapter End Notes

*BTS didn't start their twitter account until six months before their debut, so in this
chapter, they're checking through either personal accounts or the company account.

**also please remember that any kind of 'i love you' said is purely platonic.
ESPECIALLY jimin and jungkook's relationship. they're simply affectionate friends.
 Skit: Circle Room Talk
Chapter Summary

“You’re thinking really hard again.” Jungkook sees the blurry vision of Hoseok’s hand
poking his forehead. “Your brain might explode one day.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, but thanks for worrying.”

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝MYG: Jungkook, what was your dream?

JJK: Me? Ah… I can’t remember well…❞

-Skit: Circle Room Talk

He stares at the image in front of him. He's too small and too young. They are too
inexperienced and jittery, too filled with self-doubt, and too unprepared for what's to come.

He hates it. He hates it with his whole being.

Fame is a crippling thing when one gets on the bad side of it. It knocks you out with rumors,
hate, scandals, and lies. It’s overwhelming with its presence and it drowns you with self-hate.
Fame was painful to Jungkook in the way it ripped through his bonds and tore his whole
world apart. It left Jungkook with nothing and no one but himself and money. It took
everything he loved and gave him misery in return. What's the point of living a dream that
leaves him broken in the end? What's the point of making his hyungs go through it from the
beginning once more?

Will it be worth the trouble of enduring fame just to have them back again? To give them the
happy ending that he couldn’t have the first time around?

“Hoseok, stop bouncing your leg, it’s annoying.” Yoongi takes a seat on a chair next to the
dancer so the hairstylist can fix his hair.
“I’m so excited I can’t stay still!” he glances at Hoseok who shakes from excitement.

“The interview from yesterday has just been uploaded!” Namjoon yells from the other side of
the room. Jungkook sighs at his reflection, preparing himself for the interview that will take
place in two hours. All his experience in being an idol could never prepare him enough for
the anxiety that he experiences before the interviews.

‘What will they ask? Who will they pick on this time? What rumors did they create now? Who
has to be humiliated for entertainment? Will they pick him apart and dig into all the things
that make him Jungkook? Will this end well or terribly wrong?’

“You’re thinking really hard again.” Jungkook sees the blurry vision of Hoseok’s hand
poking his forehead. Wincing at the slight pain, Jungkook scrunches his nose and looks up at
the teen. How long had he been thinking that he didn’t realize Hoseok’s hair has been styled?
“Your brain might explode one day.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, but thanks for worrying.”

Hoseok huffs, trying to hide his laughter as Jungkook watches him walk over to Namjoon to
watch the interview.

“Are you scared?”

Jungkook whips his head around to catch Yoongi’s eyes boring into him. They're narrowed in
drowsiness, but it's a painful reminder of the adult that constantly glared at him. They always
seem to pierce him, as though he were analyzing every breath he takes and every beat his
heart might have missed as he tries to calm his nerves. Jungkook shifts awkwardly --
uncomfortably-- under Yoongi’s gaze and looks down at his feet to get rid of the image of a
man he left behind.

“You did well yesterday, so you shouldn’t be scared about today.” Jungkook nods while still
looking at his feet. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“I just don’t know what they’ll ask or what they’ll make us do,” He mumbles. “It’s stupid.”

“What is? Your thoughts or the things they make us do?”

“Both… everything.” Jungkook looks up and glances around the room —the staff fixing
Yoongi’s hair, the noona further back in the practice room adjusting the makeup on Namjoon,
and Hoseok who is fixing his clothes— they were all trying their best to impress, to fit in.
“Fame is stupid.”

His eyes finally settle on Yoongi, not a hint of emotion on his face because his emotions are
for the public, they are used for exaggerating feelings that are barely there --or nonexistent.
Jungkook is tired of always having to show a reaction. Yoongi, on the other hand, raises an
eyebrow in question of Jungkook’s word choice. Curiosity plainly written on his face as
Jungkook stares back with all the exhaustion he’s ever felt.

“I thought being an idol was your dream?”

“No… maybe.” Jungkook’s eyes trail off into the mirror. Glancing over his appearance,
Jungkook scrunches his nose lightly. “I just wanted to sing. I wanted to do what I had a
passion for because having no passion means I'm dead inside and easy to manipulate into a
role I don't like.”

“Isn’t it the same though?” Yoongi crosses his arms, sagging into his chair. “Idols are just
people being manipulated into a role they don’t want.” He glances over the makeup and hair
products laying around, making Jungkook give a small smile. Yoongi of the future might
have tolerated the things he had to wear, but it didn’t mean he liked it. This Yoongi has yet to
see the benefits of letting himself wear flashy clothing to at least appear closer to being an
idol despite how far away his image seems to be from the hip-hop concept they were going
for.

“Maybe, but at least it's a step into the direction we wanted to go for.” He glances back at his
reflection, wondering if he's the stupid one for even thinking about pursuing a life like this.
He knows the molds he fits into because he was groomed to fit into the standards he didn’t
really care for at the beginning of his career. He might have resented being manipulated to fit
a role he didn’t actually fit, but the fruitful life and prosperous career overshadowed it all and
made it worth it. (He was lonely and afraid of going out with other people. He was scared of
the fans that he loved so much because their opinions dictated his life and disappointing them
meant that he was ruining his image and career —but the singing, chanting, love and
admiration, he would not trade it for anything in the world for the rush it all gave him).

“Maybe.”

There's doubt in those eyes, Jungkook can tell. He can read it clearly as day because Yoongi
has always been easy to read. Time had nothing to do with Jungkook learning how Yoongi
wore his heart on his sleeve and chose to tuck it away in situations when feelings would only
get in the way.

(“I’ve learned to just ignore the things entertainers say. You just have to look for loopholes
when they propose absurd games.”

Jungkook props an elbow on the soft cushion of the couch, resting his cheek on it so he can
look up at his hyung who sits right in front of him facing the tv but playing games on his
phone —he lays on his stomach, his legs draped over Namjoon who's reading a book that
was too boring for Jungkook to take interest in.

“You sound like a sage, hyung.”

“Then you better take notes, brat. Sage’s are the wisest people you’ll ever come across.”

Jungkook smiles at his silly hyung, but keeps the previous words in mind for the future.)
“Just try your best, hyung.”

“But I’m not a good singer or a good dancer.”

Jungkook purses his lips at the words. He's in the hallway with Seokjin, giving him some
words of encouragement before his audition takes place. He has a day off from lessons
because of the auditions and the tv show recording he has to do later that day.

“If they see potential in you, then you’ll get in. You won’t know until you try.”

“Jungkoo-”

He holds up a hand to stop him from talking and gives him a hard stare. Not that it will do
much since he's much younger than he likes. “Why do you worry so much? Don’t worry
about what’s to come, hyung. If you worry too much, nothing will get done, and worst of all,
you’ll never know if you were good enough to get accepted. Rather than worry about what
you can’t do and how that’ll affect you, pay more attention to what you have and how you
can use that to your advantage.”

Seokjin stares down at him owlishly. Flustered at the silence and the eyes watching him,
Jungkook’s cheeks flush a soft pink and he starts to play with the edge of his shirt.

“You always know what to say to make me feel better,” Seokjin observes. “I appreciate it.
Thank you, Jungkook.”

A smile spreads across Jungkook’s lips, looking bashful as he avoids his hyungs eyes. “No
problem. I just want you to make it in. I think you would be able to do great things if you risk
it at least a little.”

“It’s a gamble, but I’ll try my best.”

They are once again hanging out in the dance room getting ready for a variety show.
Jungkook isn’t feeling as nervous now that he’s been doing this for the past week. He figures
it has to do with getting used to it all over again (less because this body is unused to it and
more because he has not made a television appearance since he was twenty-six)

He's anxious about what's to come. Variety shows are known to bring up topics that are
unrelated to music. Jungkook thinks that maybe they were set up to have idols say scandalous
things or create an unwanted image by accident.

“You always look scared when you think.” He looks over at Namjoon who is seated in front
of the mirror while a staff member sorts out the products on the table, preparing to fix up
Namjoon’s appearance.
“Oh, I can’t help it. That’s just how I think.”

Namjoon shrugs. “I’m just saying.”

Jungkook looks down at the table, lightly running a hand over the makeup products neatly
lined up. He's tempted to put on his own makeup because he hasn’t done so in years, not
when there was the world judging him and he had no use to look dolled up if he wasn’t going
to make a broadcast appearance.

(He throws the neatly organized collection off the decorated shelves. The shattering of the
glass, mirrors, and hard casings are deafening to his own ears and make him flinch at the
strength at which they are thrown for the pieces to fly across the room.

He looks up with tears in his eyes, but he doesn't dare break down in front of him. With a
devastated heart and a lump in his throat, he opens his mouth to scream away the enmity that
arose with the actions he just witnessed. “I hate you!”

“Good! I want you to hate me!” He yells back, face red with anger and disgust. His voice is
hoarse from all the screaming he’d done earlier. “I don’t care about people like you, so hate
me all you want because I fucking hate you!”)

“Noona, can I… can I use the makeup?” The woman now working on Namjoon’s hair nods at
him with a kind and amused smile.

“I’ll let you be curious and try it out, but don’t use too much! Make-up is expensive.”

Jungkook smiles and drags a seat next to the table and face the mirror to see himself. Careful
to ignore his hyungs stares, he slowly picks up different eyeshadow palettes to check his
color options. They aren’t the best brands, but they're long-lasting, and he shouldn’t expect
something better from a small company like this. Nodding to himself, he places the palettes
down and moves to pick out his foundation shade. Doing his make-up always calms him
down before a show or interview. His focus is solely on the products being packed onto his
smooth and slightly blemished skin, covering up the imperfections that he was told didn’t
look pretty. (but he would always try to let his skin breathe by not using products regularly
and convincing himself that it's okay to show imperfections every once in a while.)

He decides to go for a traditional smokey eye to imitate the style that's most popular during
this time. He uses a light, honey-brown shade over his crease to give it more emphasis,
making his eyes appear larger and more doll-like. He uses darker brown shades slightly
below his crease to give it a deeper look, continuously blending and layering each color as if
he were drawing. Then he creates a gradient look as he adds black near his lash line and buffs
it out. He picks up eyeliner and draws on a thin line on top of his lash line, fading it out at the
ends with another brush to give his eyes a softer appearance while imitating the dark eyeliner
he’d been wearing the past week. He adds a bit of sparkle at the inner corners of his eyes and
a bit of brown on his lower waterline just because he feels like it. He then completes the look
with some contour and concealer.

By the time he finishes, he's significantly more relaxed and satisfied with the outcome of his
makeup. Despite being and looking like a thirteen-year-old, he was able to achieve a look he
didn’t have until he was fifteen or sixteen. While he looks over his result, impressed that he
still has his makeup skills, he catches sight of his hyungs gaze on him through the mirror and
pauses for a second.

“Uh… I’m done” He calls out shyly. He doesn't know what they think of him, and frankly, he
doesn't care because these boys don't know him at all. They don’t know the Jungkook who
did his own makeup (they all learned how to do their own makeup and hair in their early 20s)
or the Jungkook who cares about his looks because of its aesthetics. Although he's learned to
live for himself, their thoughts don't matter as much as what their actions could be. He's more
frightened that these naive and ignorant boys will say something hurtful, or push him away
simply because they didn’t see the progress of Jungkook growing into adulthood.

“You look very pretty, Jungkook,” The stylist compliments. She's done styling Namjoon’s
hair and is now fixing the hair products on the table to start on his makeup. Jungkook feels
himself blush at the praise and wonders if it would be noticeable under the foundation.

“You’re very talented.” She hums. “I think I’ll let you keep that makeup on if you’d like?”

Jungkook gazes pensively at his reflection, briefly settling his eyes on his hyungs before
looking back at the noona. “I’ll keep this on,” he says shyly. “It’s different from others’
makeup.” He wonders what people will say about his makeup. Men at this time don’t wear
this much makeup, less so if it gives their features a soft and gentle look like his. The style
for both men and women are harsh lines of eyeliner and the occasional smokey eye with no
dimensions from contour or too much contour that it makes the facial features too defined
and too harsh. Jungkook never liked that style, and hopefully, the company will consider
letting him wear this ‘new’ style that he always enjoyed wearing in the future more often.

“I told you that you are the golden maknae.” Comes a voice behind him. He quickly turns
around, surprised at the proximity of the voice and sees Hoseok give him a half-smile. “You
look really nice.”

“Thanks.”

“You would be able to pass off for a girl,” Yoongi says from across the room. “You just need
a wig to complete the look.”

("What are you trying to accomplish? Huh? What do you think people would say about you
looking like a girl?"

"I'm n-not," Jungkook weakly mutters, taking uneven breaths as he tries to control the tears
falling down his cheeks.
"Because of you our careers are in danger." Yoongi moves over to the shelves near
Jungkook's closet. "Why don't you stop acting like this and put your image first? Collecting
all this makeup isn't going to help your career."

Jungkook's eyes widen when Yoongi reaches for the products neatly piled up. Afraid of what's
going to happen, he throws his weight onto Yoongi, trying to get him away from all the
products he spent a lot of money to collect. He's harshly shoved away onto a dresser.
Jungkook winces at the pain that crawls up his back and shoulder but ignores it as he
watches Yoongi approach the shelves in growing horror.

Their fights never got this violent. Usually, it was only disputing that ended when one of them
walked away in anger. This, however, leaves Jungkook speechless as he watches his hyung
push his things off from the shelves. The items themselves don't matter as much as the action
that Yoongi decided to take. He's devastated that someone close to him would treat him like
this.

He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that he never knows how to stand up for himself when it
comes to Yoongi.)

Jungkook makes an offended noise. “There are women who have short hair.”

“You’re not denying that you look like a girl.”

“I don’t care if I look like a girl. That’s just what you think hyung.” It sounds mocking, but
Jungkook doesn’t pay attention to his tone. He simply lets the anger he's long since locked
away slowly come out of his system. He’s had enough of taking Yoongi’s taunting, no matter
if its all from the memories he has of his hyung that hates people like him. “I think I look
pretty and there’s nothing wrong with looking pretty.”

Yoongi huffs but says nothing else.

"Jungkook," Namjoon speaks from where he's seated and awkwardly letting the noona do his
makeup. "I think you look very nice and if you were a girl, you would be very pretty."

Jungkook feels his annoyance and anger dissipate at the compliments and he beams at his
hyung. It earns him an indulgent smile from their current leader complete with two dimples
and a soft pink blush on his cheeks from shyness. Sometimes Jungkook wonders how this
teen became their confident and supportive leader.

Feeling satisfied and more at ease, he glances over at Yoongi who glares at the table filled
with makeup. He briefly notices Hoseok step out of the room with an outfit in hand, brushing
by Yoongi who makes no reaction other than continuing to intently stare at the makeup
products being applied on Namjoon's skin.

Jungkook doesn't like dealing with these kinds of attitudes that Yoongi is expressing. He's
already lived through a decade of this and he doesn't need to live through more of it. Seeing
 this side of Yoongi is a painful reminder of the future where he cursed him and tried his
hardest to put the maknae down.

He huffs, deciding to let the situation be and have Yoongi come to terms with what's
happening. Jungkook won't be able to do much but nudge Yoongi into the right mentality and
thinking process. For now, he'll ignore the feeling of shame and disappointment filling him
up slowly.

He wishes that his hyungs will grow up and learn to accept him for once.

Chapter End Notes

yoongi's a dick, but he gets better. and jungkook has definitely mentioned before that he
does his own makeup sometimes. [this was during the DNA comeback]

Concerning their thoughts as teens: they may not have been aware of them, but living in
a conservative place like Korea would influence their thinking. just like people make
mistakes in their past and later apologize or own up to them when they're older, the
actions bts take [older and younger] are not entirely justifiable, but they'll grow from
these actions and learn to not make the same mistakes or say the same insensitive things.
this is something jungkook knows will happen with a few nudges here and there, so he's
not entirely concerned for their behavior as long as he manages to change it from an
'early age'.

Irl yoongi seems like someone thats against the image kpop idols have to uphold. i used
that idea for future yoongi who tolerates the image and clothing etc. but doesn't fully
accept the image/concept. younger yoongi is seen to act this way too bc he doesn't want
to go through it, but he has more leeway to grow bc now there's kookie whos more open
about these kinds of things. in this way, yoongs will grow by not just tolerating the
image he has to uphold as a kpop idol, but also accept these themes as a part of kookie.

of course, this is fiction so please don't think that /i/ think yoongi is actually like this irl.
 If I Rule The World
Chapter Summary

It frightens Jungkook to admit something like that. It doesn’t matter that he already lived
it, or that he hopes for a better future.

Chapter Notes

edits: july 11, 2022

*grammar & writing style*

❝I still want to do music with my BTS family.❞

-If I Rule The World

Jungkook stares at the containers in front of him. It’s too early in the morning to be awake,
but Jungkook hasn’t been able to sleep the whole night and decided to wake up extra early to
make food for the rappers. He's lucky that the three are heavy sleepers, or else they would
have woken up the moment Jungkook started preparing breakfast.

‘They probably did wake up. Maybe they saw the hour and decided they didn’t wanna get
up.’ Jungkook smiles at the thought, finally moving to pack the food into the lunch boxes.

There's familiarity in the small task, nostalgia tugging at him as he focuses on neatly packing
the rice so that not even a grain is out of place. If he focuses closely enough, he can pretend
he's at his apartment, getting ready to head over to the company to evaluate trainees. He did
this often as a mentor at the company. Packing lunches was a job he took upon himself for the
trainees who wouldn’t eat enough. He didn’t want the kids to have bad habits and live like
Jungkook did when he was a trainee.

If he closes his eyes, he can pretend he's at the dorm he shared with the boys. He can pretend
that it's one of those days when the group would be busy the whole day but the morning was
free enough for Jungkook to make something filling and healthy. He would move back and
forth in the kitchen as he scoops food up from the pan, or grabs snacks and drinks from the
fridge. He would wipe everything down as one of the members walk in to serve themselves
coffee that Jungkook would have already prepared because the boys can be grumpy in the
morning --but if he satisfies them, then they'll go about the day not bickering the usual
amount.

“Why are you awake so early in the morning?”

Jungkook jumps at the voice and whips his head around to see Namjoon outside the
bathroom blinking his sharp eyes tiredly at the maknae.

“I’m making breakfast and packing lunch?” Jungkook places the spoon back with the leftover
rice and reaches for the stir-fry still steaming in the pan. “Why are you awake?”

Namjoon looks at Jungkook with a face filled with confusion as he gazes back and forth
between the bathroom and Jungkook, his hand holding the handle loosely. “The bathroom..?”

“Oh,” ‘duh’ Jungkook looks down at the stir-fry. “Well, I won’t keep you waiting.”

Confused, Namjoon walks into the bathroom and leaves Jungkook alone with his thoughts
once again.

Jungkook sighs, his shoulders slumping as he tries not to think of anything else other than the
lunches he's packing. This is the first time he packs lunches for the boys. Whenever he gave
Hoseok lunch, it was out of his own lunchbox, not a separate one that he prepared with the
intention of giving it to Hoseok. However, now that they're in a group together, Jungkook can
make sure the three rappers are eating full healthy meals all day, every day.

He just hoped these hyungs liked his cooking too.

“Do taste buds change between timelines?” he wonders out loud as he finishes packing lunch
and moves to wash the dishes.

“Timelines are usually slightly different.” Jungkook jumps at the sudden voice and with a wet
hand clutching his oversized --he’ll grow into it-- shirt he turns around to see Namjoon
rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “The differences can be small things like what
someone prefers or if they have a medical problem. Or they could have lost a family member
or be of a different gender. Maybe they don’t even exist.”

Namjoon shrugs and makes his way over to the counter and gazes at the four lunch boxes
with curiosity. Jungkook watches him with his heart in his stomach and wonders briefly if
Namjoon knows what's going on with Jungkook. ‘Has he been obvious? Is Namjoon
experienced with this kind of stuff?’ His eyes widen as he continues to watch Namjoon open
a lunchbox and see its contents. ‘Is it possible that Jungkook isn’t the only one to travel back
in time?’

“How do you know all that?”

Namjoon looks up and gives him a shy smile, one that reveals his dimples and makes him
look so young --so much softer than the adult who only glances his way for seconds at a time.
“I just read a lot of things. There were theories on the internet about time traveling and
dimensions. It was interesting so… yeah.”
“Oh… cool.” Jungkook looks away, not knowing how to break the awkward tension between
them. Should he continue talking about time traveling? Should he just stay silent and hope
the tension leaves on its own? What if he--

“Is that for us?” Namjoon asks. He points to the pancakes stacked neatly on a plate. Jungkook
smiles and pushes the plate towards the teen. He looks hungry and who is Jungkook to deny
his hyung some food?

“As long as you leave some for the other two.”

“Did you eat already?” Namjoon asks as Jungkook pulls a couple of plates out and hands one
to Namjoon. As soon as he has a plate, Namjoon serves himself two pancakes and starts to
add his chosen toppings, much to Jungkook's amusement. As an adult, Namjoon isn’t one to
eat many sweets, but this Namjoon simply adds any sugar in view, and Jungkook can't help
but hum in amusement.

“No, I have to wash the dishes first.”

“You should eat first.” Namjoon insists, mouth already stuffed with a bite of pancake. “There
won’t be enough later cause --oh! This is really good!”

“Thank you, but please don’t speak while eating, hyung.”

“Sorry. Anyway, the other two will probably eat everything before you can eat.” It's a valid
argument. Yoongi may be skinny and eats in small and neat bites, but it doesn’t mean he eats
any less than the other boys. And Hoseok? He always eats more than the half that Jungkook
offers off of his lunchbox.

“You’re right.” After throwing one finger gun at Namjoon for his intellectual reasoning,
Jungkook sits down and enjoys a comfortable --albeit still a little awkward-- breakfast in
silence.

(“It’s a good offer, you know.”

Jungkook glances up before looking down at his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. “I
don’t need the offer,” He sighs and bites the inside of his cheek. “I already have my own
songs and projects, I don’t need my own debut.”

He doesn’t have to look at Jimin to know that the man’s gaze is fixed on him. “Is that what
you think?”

It sounds accusatory even if Jimin doesn’t mean for it to come out like that. Jungkook only
furrows his eyebrows and looks up to meet Jimin’s eyes. “Yes? I just said what I think.”
“It’s not all you’re thinking.” Jimin glares at Jungkook when he opened his mouth to
retaliate. “I’ve known you for years Jungkook, I can tell when you aren’t sharing what’s on
your mind.”

Jungkook grumbles with a pout and hold Jimin’s gaze for a few more seconds before sighing
in frustration. “I don’t want to have a solo debut.”

“Why?”

“I want to be with the group.”

Jungkook watches as Jimin’s expressions change. He grimaces, looking away, and then bites
his cheek with furrowed eyebrows. “We won’t last much longer.”

It's said so simply, so bluntly that Jungkook wants to yell out of dissatisfaction because he
doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to believe that an end is coming for them. He
doesn’t want to think about being alone and wants to keep them as close to him as possible,
for just a little longer. Just until Jungkook is sure he can help them. Until he can fix this.

“You’re better off starting a career on your own so the transition between BTS and your solo
isn’t so sudden and -”

“I don’t want to!” Jimin flinches at the outburst, his gaze softening as he watches Jungkook
cling to hope in a desperate attempt to be happy.

“Having a solo debut makes me feel like BTS will disband sooner. It makes me think that I’ll
be pushing you all away when all I want is to be as close to you as possible until I can’t. I
don’t want a solo debut! Not now and not in the future!”

Jimin furrows his eyebrows as Jungkook breathes heavily, trying his best to calm down. “And
when we aren’t a group? What are you gonna do? Singing is your life.”

A frown makes its way to Jungkook’s lips, they quiver --whether out of fear or sadness, Jimin
has no idea-- and his eyes water before he looks straight into Jimin’s eyes. “A long time ago
BTS became my life. I don’t need another one. I lived for this life and will continue to live for
you hyungs. All I want now is for us to be together without the fighting. If I end up becoming
a nobody after BTS ends, then that’s fine by me.”

“Singing is not the only thing in my life now. BTS is.”)

When Jungkook brings Seokjin to a morning dance session with Jimin, he expects the two
teens to get along well like they had the first time around. He thought that Seokjin would gain
a friend other than Jungkook and that Jimin would befriend another person he can seek out
for advice or comfort.
However, his hyungs always find ways to exceed his expectations. The meeting between
Seokjin and Jimin is one that makes him regret ever bringing the two within the vicinity of
one another.

Their introductions are fine. They're both shy but soon grow comfortable with each other as
Jungkook helps both boys go through some of the choreography they learned the previous
day. He's glad the meeting is going well and he can't wait until Hoseok joins them with
Yoongi and Namjoon behind him --because what better way to teach two boys with no
dancing experience than with a third student and a third dancer? (He ignores the longing in
his heart for a chance to see them bond without the lingering animosity waiting to pounce in
a moment of weakness.)

Jungkook soon wonders if the two teens have become too comfortable in each other's
presence.

“You’re really bad at hip hop.”

Jungkook cringes at the words, whipping his head towards Jimin to make sure there isn’t too
much of a negative reaction. The one thing he's been trying to reassure Jimin of is that there
will be no harsh comments between them, only constructive criticism. Jin, however, just
made all of that fly out the window not even one hour into practice.

“Ah, Jimin is still trying to get used to hip hop." Jungkook flails his hands in front of him as
he speaks "You see, he’s very skilled at contemporary dance, which is very different from
what we’re learning. This is why we meet up in the morning for extra practice.” Jungkook
tries to explain, not wanting Jimin to feel insecure after Jungkook and Hoseok spent the past
few days giving him confidence. He really should have set constructive criticism rules before
they began. Now there's going to be chaos.

“Well, he needs it.”

Jungkook gapes at Seokjin’s sudden unabashed behavior, wondering what made him point
out Jimin’s flaws right in front of him. Seokjin is making it harder for Jungkook to control the
situation. All Jungkook can do is try to defend Jimin and try to get Seokjin to understand that
he shouldn’t be so mean to other trainees. He understands that Seokjin is currently being
criticized by their dance instructor, but he shouldn't be doing the same to other trainees unless
he's deliberately trying to get on people's bad side (which Jungkook highly doubted.)

“Not as much as you, I’m sure.”

Jungkook quickly turns to gape at Jimin. His (currently) youngest hyung is giving Seokjin a
playful smile, a contrast to the malicious glare he is looking at their hyung with. Jungkook
honestly can’t recall if Jimin had this kind of attitude the first time around. Jimin is a kind
boy that takes what he gets from others and doesn’t say anything that will offend others. He's
someone who would complain, but not someone who would call out other people’s bullshit or
even be so straightforward as to point out other people’s flaws.

“I’m not the one that looks like a try-hard,” Seokjin shoots back, throwing a sassy glare at
Jimin, who’s jaw clenches in anger.

“At least I have experience in some type of dancing. I’m not the one that looks like a
noodle.”

Jungkook looks back and forth between his two hyungs, wondering exactly how he's going to
fix this. He would have been fine with trying to placate just Seokjin --with some struggle to
prevent Jimin from crying or something. However, now that Jimin joined in on the roasting,
Jungkook wasn’t so confident in his ability to diffuse the tension. (He never could in the
past.)

“You should learn to respect your hyungs, little boy.”

“And you should go back to your mother for a lesson on manners.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook mutters, running a hand down his face. He rubs at the bridge
of his nose as he listens to his hyungs argue.

They aren't showing signs of a physical fight so he doesn't have to prepare to throw himself
between them. They also look just a little bit playful. Their remarks don't have much heat in
them, so maybe they don't mean their words? It almost reminds him of the times Seokjin
would annoy Jungkook just to kill time and start play-fighting.

"Hey, Jungkookie. Who's that?"

Jungkook yells in surprise at the sudden voice, drawing the attention of the bickering teens.

"Oh hyung! Please don't scare me like that!" Hoseok chuckles at Jungkook's reaction before
turning back to Seokjin and flashing him a smile. "Oh! This is Seokjin hyung! He just
recently joined the company!"

Jungkook smiles as the four eldest greet one another. He barely notices Jimin come up beside
him to softly whisper "Are those your groupmates?"

He nods in confirmation and moves to quickly introduce Jimin to the two rappers before he
claps his hands together in a show of stifled excitement and addresses all his hyungs.

"So, now that we’re all here; let’s start dancing?" Jungkook briefly eyes Seokjin and Jimin
with a shaky smile before moving his gaze to the three rappers.

There's well-hidden excitement bubbling within Namjoon. He holds curiosity and

anticipation as everyone moves to stretch and begin warmups to gauge everyone's current
skill. Jungkook smiles to himself softly, barely noticeable as he watches his three
inexperienced hyungs move their uncoordinated limbs.
There's something endearing in the way Seokjin furrows his eyebrows, in the small pouts
Namjoon makes as he tries to match Hoseok’s movements. Even Yoongi who acts like he's
too cool to be here is sighing whenever he notices that he isn’t matching up with Hoseok.

They all work well together. They all slowly start fitting with one another like puzzle pieces.
It amazes Jungkook how well they all work, how easy it is to coexist with them all like this.
It shouldn’t be very shocking, but this is something new. Its so different from the BTS he
remembers. (So different from the nightmares that sometimes invade his sweet honey-like
dreams.) He wonders if maybe this is the BTS he should start to remember.

Maybe it will be best if he forgets the insults and yelling; if he recalls only the simple times --
as rare as they were-- that they had in between the fights. They are, after all, the few times he
was truly happy.

(“One of these days my limbs are gonna fall off, and what then?” Yoongi groans as he lays
on the floor next to Jin who also moans from sore muscles. “Am I still gonna have to dance?”

Jimin giggles and rests his head against Taehyung’s shoulder as they sit against the mirrors,
“Knowing Hobi hyung, he’d figure out how to put your limbs back together.”

A scoff comes from Yoongi as Jin laughs, throwing his arm wildly to smack Yoongi in the
stomach and causing the other to push Jin away in hopes he rolls to the other side of the
practice room. However, Yoongi is too weak to do anything else but nudge the eldest and
elicit more laughter.

“Hyung would probably get Kookie and Namjoon hyung to help him put Yoongi hyung back
together.”

“You’re right,” Jimin agrees easily, playing with Taehyung’s fingers as the other closes his
eyes and tries to relax.

“I think Hobi hyung would freak out over loose limbs scattered in the practice room.”
Jungkook cuts in from where he lays sprawled over Namjoon’s lap on the floor.

“What if I lost them on the bed?” Jin groans as more commentary is thrown around the
room.

“Wouldn’t there be blood then? Wouldn’t you die of blood loss or something?” Taehyung cuts
in.

“Would it be losing if you would be right there with your limbs?” Namjoon wonders out loud.

“I’m more concerned over Jungkook insinuating that Yoongi hyung’s limbs would have flown
across the room or something for them to be ‘scattered in the practice room’” Hoseok finally
speaks up, amusement evident on his face with the way his lips curl up at the corners as the
group talks.

“Also hyung?” A hum comes from Yoongi who opens his eyes to look at Hoseok squatting by
his head. “I’d always find a way to make you dance.”

Yoongi grumbles in response as the others laugh and continue to tease.)

---------

Jungkook sighs as he stares up at the ceiling. He's laying on the couch, alone in the dorm
because Namjoon and Yoongi are busy producing, and Hoseok is probably dancing; which
leaves Jungkook bored after he realized he has nothing of importance to do. He could be
dancing, maybe practice his singing --he has to work on his technique because this body was
not used to belting out notes without going off pitch the moment he decides to move just a
little too much-- however, he has no motivation to do anything at all so here he lays, thinking
the hours away.

“You look like you lost the will to live.”

Jungkook yells as he sits up in fright. When he makes eye contact with Yoongi he lets out a
sigh of relief. “You scared me hyung!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” He flashes a small smile and takes a seat on the couch as Jungkook
shifts so he's cross-legged on one end of the couch.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with Namjoon?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow at Jungkook who
very hesitantly speaks again, “...hyung? C’mon, he isn’t even here.”

“You should still use honorifics.”

Jungkook sighs at the response and is about to speak again when Yoongi replies to his
question. “I got frustrated with the song and Namjoon told me to come here so I can clear my
head a bit.”

“Well? Is it clear?” Yoongi gives him a deadpan expression that sends Jungkook into a fit of
giggles. “I’m kidding, hyung.”

Silence settles between them, one that leaves Jungkook to stare at his hyung in wonder. This
is so new to him; almost foreign territory. To have such an easygoing conversation with
Yoongi was rare just a few months ago, but now, this is all he will have with him if Jungkook
continues to find opportunities to talk to him. There will be awkward moments, that
Jungkook is sure of. There will be moments when Jungkook won’t know how to approach
Yoongi and vice versa. However, if he's honest with himself, Jungkook prefers the awkward
silence over the deafening silence that followed the two around as adults too prideful to
apologize or make amends.
The tension between them doesn’t exist. Right now there are only stilted conversations and
uncomfortable shuffling as they figure out how to work around and with one another. It's
almost like meeting Yoongi the first time around. (When Yoongi was wary about befriending
Jungkook because of the age gap. When Jungkook was too shy to initiate conversations with
the hyung that felt too intimidating.) Its also a bit disorienting because now he has to adjust
himself to a Yoongi that keeps his words kind and tries his best to appear approachable.
Yoongi tries to open up --no matter how little-- and will listen to Jungkook when he says
something to inform the older teen --if begrudgingly, but its something.

“So did you lose the will to live? You were just spacing out when I got here. I thought you
were gonna be with Hoseok or something.” Jungkook shrugs in response while watching
Yoongi turn to him with sharp eyes, but they aren’t filled with malice; they're kind and
curious. Before Yoongi can ask him to elaborate Jungkook opens his mouth.

“I’ve been dancing a lot lately, and I’m also feeling really unmotivated, so I just decided to
rest for one night. ‘To clear my head’ as Namjoon hyung put it.”

Yoongi huffs in amusement as he looks at the floor. “It looked more like you were stuffing it
full of thoughts.” Jungkook gives a sheepish smile. He isn’t wrong that Jungkook spent the
past hour thinking about anything that came to mind; both useless and important.

“I guess I was.” Jungkook shifts his body so he hugs his knees to his chest and looks down at
the space between himself and Yoongi. “I’m just a little scared about the future.”

There's a gentle hum of acknowledgment before silence envelop the two boys once more. It
frightens Jungkook to admit something like that. It doesn’t matter that he already lived it, or
that he hopes for a better future. He feels as though he will always feel some degree of fright
for the future. Admitting it makes it all the more frightening. He doesn’t usually admit when
something frightens him. To be honest, he doesn’t have many fears, except losing his hyungs
--which happened once, and he sure as hell is not going to let that happen ever again.

Yoongi turns to face him, startling Jungkook out of his thoughts once more. “Is it because
you don’t know what will happen?”

“Uh, kind of?” Jungkook purses his lips before continuing, “Partly because I don’t know if
my work is enough for the future.”

“As in, for example,” Yoongi squints his eyes at his hands in thought, “if you had a test
tomorrow and you aren’t sure if all the studying was enough to prepare you?”

Jungkook tilts his head in thought. “Yeah, something like that. I feel like it’s a bit more of if
everything I did was enough for me to get to that point in the future.”

Yoongi scrunches his nose as he tries to understand. “Are you worthy of that future? Is that
what you mean?”

There's silence as Jungkook thinks about it. Its the closest to what he's thinking, but it
excludes all the other worries he has. It isn’t just himself he thought of. What if all the
preparations he gave the group isn’t enough to prevent the one future he already lived? What
if they reach the point where they can’t stand being around one another --again? What if no
matter how many tries he gets he can never change that point in the timeline? What if that
happiness isn’t something he deserves? What if this isn’t a future meant for them?

Jungkook grimaces at the last thought.

“I think anyone is worthy of a future they’ve worked hard to achieve,” Yoongi speaks up,
looking back at his hands. “One can never know what the future is gonna bring, and we don’t
know if we’ll ever be ready for any future. We’re not gods, we can’t dictate what can or can’t
happen, but we can make choices to hopefully shove our future on the right path. I think, for
you, you just have to think that you are worthy of that future. Especially if it’s a good one.”

Jungkook blinks at the teen in wonder. He had forgotten how encouraging and thorough
Yoongi can be. He always says the wisest words no matter how simple they are. (No matter
how blunt and harsh he could be) “Huh. You really have a way with words, hyung.”

Yoongi stays silent, but Jungkook can see the tips of his ears turn a visible shade of pink.
He’d forgotten how shy this Yoongi was --is. Neither one is used to compliments or the like,
but he did always seem to bask in the positivity when given to him.

They sit for a few moments of silence. Its progress, very little, but it's something that leads
Jungkook closer to forming a friendship.

Jungkook takes the time to ponder over Yoongi’s earlier words. He will always be scared of
the future no matter how much he tries not to think of it, but what he does with that fright can
help shape the future into a good one. Hopefully this time he can focus on BTS on its own.
Hopefully, he never has to let that family go, even after they inevitably disband. Maybe this
time, in the future, he can make music for the rest of his life and not feel like he’s leaving the
part of BTS Jungkook behind him. But first, he has to make that family a reality.

He stands up and places his hands on his hips, a soft smile on his lips as he looks down at
Yoongi. “Do you want some ramen? I make pretty good ramen.”

Yoongi’s big gummy smile is all he needs to make some food for the two.

Jungkook watches as Jimin and Seokjin bicker with one another. He isn’t too concerned
about their friendship as he was the first time he introduced the two to one another. It's a new
dynamic between the two that Jungkook can respect. It reminds him of the relationship he
once had with Seokjin. The nostalgia of it leaves a bittersweet taste in him. ‘Will he ever have
that bond with Seokjin again?’ it's a thought he decides to ponder on another time.

“Uhm… Jungkook?” Jimin’s sweet voice snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts. He looks over
at Jimin who picks at the reheated bulgogi in the shared lunch box with Jungkook. The teen
doesn’t look up and bites his lip before speaking once more. “Uh, can I bring a friend over to
practice with us?”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and a smile dancing
on his lips in mild amusement as he blinks at the older boy. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you and Hoseok hyung are the ones who invite people to dance with you. I figured
you were both like, leaders of the dance thing, I don’t know. I thought I would need your
permission or something.” Jimin rambles shyly.

“I didn’t think of that,” Jungkook looks up at the ceiling in thought before turning back to
Jimin. He looks a bit more relaxed, but he still seems a bit tense. “Who’s your friend?”

“His name’s Kim Taehyung, I don’t know if you know him, but he’s a trainee here and we
have the same classes.” A small smile makes its way to Jimin’s face and Jungkook notices
he's so distracted the teen doesn’t notice Seokjin started taking some of the meat on Jimin’s
side of the lunchbox. Scrunching his nose, Jungkook fights Seokjin’s chopsticks with his
own. He spent too much time making enough for Jimin and Seokjin so he doesn’t want the
eldest to start stealing Jimin’s portions.

“We met during lunch in school. He’s very nice.” Jungkook briefly glances at Jimin and
wonders if the happiness and endearment Jimin wears around Taehyung had been there since
the very beginning. He always wanted to know why that was the case.

“He makes you happy.” Jungkook feels his chopsticks slip and whips his head around to see
Seokjin expertly maneuvering his chopsticks to take two small slices of meat. Frowning,
Jungkook piles the rest of the meat on his side so Seokjin can’t reach it and take more. The
eldest simply smiles cheekily at him.

“Well,” Jimin speaks up, still unaware of the battle happening in front of him. “He stood up
for me when my classmates were being mean. I tried ignoring them, but Taehyung told them
he wasn’t going to talk to them if they weren’t talking to me like a friend.”

Jungkook nods jerkily, glancing down at the chopsticks in his hand. It's easy for Taehyung to
say those things (So easy for him to say anything without a care about Jungkook’s
feelings.) he's always been kind and stands up for those that don’t know how to. That's why
Jimin and Taehyung get along so well. They both learn from one another and defend each
other when needed. They are so alike and yet fight so frequently over the smallest things,
Jungkook doesn’t really understand them.

“He sounds like a good kid,” Seokjin comments. Jimin nods and turns to Jungkook with
hopeful eyes.

“Can he join us for practice?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind. I’m sure Hoseok hyung wouldn’t mind either.” Jungkook flashes a
small smile that Jimin returns with a wide grin. It's nice to see Jimin so happy. It's more
reassuring to hear that he made a friend who would defend him when he didn’t or couldn’t
defend himself. No matter what Jungkook thinks, he will try his best to make all of his
hyungs happy.

“Hyung! Did you eat all of my meat?!”

Jungkook sighs and rolls his eyes as the two start bickering again.
 Still With You
Chapter Summary

("I know them well enough to figure out they would want to see you after all this time.
You've always been our baby.")

Chapter Notes

I've rewritten the previous chapters. (mostly just changing the past tense to present
tense. And grammar errors.)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝When will it be?

If I face you again

I will look into your eyes

And say, "I missed you"❞

-Still With You-

“Hyung wake up!!”

“Jungkookie?” Hoseok whispers groggily, suspiciously closer to disbelief than sleepy

confusion. Jungkook dismisses it as a Hoseok thing from pre-debut that he’d probably
forgotten about.

“Yes, Jungkookie.” He confirms with a roll of his eyes. He has better things to worry about
right now than a confused hyung early in the morning. He grasps Hoseok's hand and tugs in
an effort to get him out of bed. “C’mon hyung, we have to go practice.”

Hoseok blink slowly, looking so exhausted that Jungkook feels bad for waking him up, but
it’s not his fault Hoseok makes bad decisions when choosing between sleep and practice.
“Did you practice ‘till really late last night?” Jungkook lets go to place his hands on his hips,
“I told you not to stay up too late or you won’t wanna wake up in the morning.”

Hoseok grunts, rubbing his eyes and looking back up at Jungkook with shiny eyes. Jungkook
pauses, looking into the brown orbs that look like they're seconds away from shedding tears,
but it doesn't make sense. ‘Why would Hoseok cry? Maybe it’s from how tired he is?

“Hyung,” Jungkook smiles sweetly, going for a different approach. “You look like you’ve
seen a ghost.” His smile suddenly turns sharp and amused as he adds in a babyish tone, “Did
Hoseokie hyung have a bad dream?”

Scowling, Hoseok sits up, almost bumping their heads together, but it makes Jungkook giggle
before reaching for Hoseok’s arm to pull on again. “We’ll be late if you don’t get up now. I
made breakfast and Namjoon and Yoongi will eat it all if you don’t hurry.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” comes the response as Jungkook shakes the arm in his grasp one last
time before letting go and turning around to head back out to the kitchen/living room.

“Jungkook?” Said boy hums, glancing back at Hoseok who looks oddly vulnerable in a way
Jungkook has never witnessed before. A pause. Hesitation flashes in Hoseok’s gaze as he
glances up at Jungkook from head to toe. Jungkook tilts his head, eyes narrowing at the odd
behavior. “What is it hyung?”

There is another beat of silence before Hoseok scratches his leg. “Who are we practicing
with?”

“Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, and Jin, I think. Unless he has vocal practice. And Jimin is
bringing his friend Taehyung, remember? He’s the one I mentioned; the one who helped
Jimin with some bullies at school.”

“O-oh, right. Right.”

Jungkook stares at Hoseok for another moment, wondering why he looks so… disoriented
this morning.

“Hyung, if you need to talk with anyone, you can always come to me. I’m here.” Hoseok
makes an expression between agony and relief, further confusing Jungkook as he watches
him.

“I… Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Nodding, Jungkook turns around and walks out of the
room with his thoughts racing.

Throughout the entire interaction, Hoseok didn't look him in the eye.

("Can I ask why?"

Jungkook nods, glancing at the photo of his group in their twenties. It's slightly blurry, taken
with a shaky camera in a dimly lit room backstage. They're all smiling, some laughing and
posing ridiculously with Sihyuk in the middle holding the group's first Grammy award. It's a
picture full of happiness and accomplished dreams. It's all the group had asked for and the
beginning of greed and relentless self-loathing.

Jungkook smiles bitterly at the picture taken five years ago.

"They don't want to renew the group contract. I get it. As much as I don't want to leave them,
it's time for us to finally let go of all the dreams we've accomplished."

"I still don't understand your decision." Sihyuk leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk.
"Taehyung and Seokjin signed contracts as actors. Hoseok as a solo artist and the others are
now producers."

"Jimin left to become a choreographer," Jungkook adds softly. He looks back at the man that
scouted him as a preteen. The man who helped guide their group into fame and became a
father figure to them all. "I thought Yoongi and Namjoon left the company?"

"They didn't hesitate to accept a position as producers." Sihyuk tucks his chin on his hands
and sighs softly. "However, they will also work in other companies, so they won't be seen
around the building. The same goes for Jimin."

Jungkook nods and briefly wonders why they all decided to stay in the company when there's
a good chance they'll see one another.)

Jungkook blinks, staring at the floor of the dance room as the sound of shoes squeaking and
music booming from the speakers filled his ears.

His hyungs hated each other. Jungkook understood that much from the arguments. They
would rudely shove one another while crossing paths, they glared and insulted one another
without mercy. Sometimes they couldn’t stand being in the same room.

"Jin hyung, you have to bend your knees a bit more." Jungkook watches as Hoseok
demonstrates to Jin how to position himself. Namjoon and Yoongi repeatedly go over the
dance sequence, helping each other out when Hoseok corrects a move.

Jimin has yet to arrive, having texted Jungkook that he'll arrive with Taehyung. Jungkook is
taking a break, letting his thoughts wander a bit before he has to meet his youngest hyung.

"Yoongi hyung, stretch your arms a bit more when you put them over your head, you too
Namjoon hyung." He calls out while Hoseok continues to correct Seokjin. The two rappers
repeat the sequence again, this time with the corrections Jungkook gave out.

Jungkook lets out a sigh, watching his hyungs take criticisms calmly, determined to get the
dance sequence right with no complaints. They're so different from his memories that
Jungkook has no idea how they could have ever reached the point they did in their adulthood.
If they couldn't handle each others' mere presence, how could they decide on something that
gives them opportunities to see one another? Did they know they all signed under the same
company when they made their decision? They had talked about disbanding for good, saying
that it was for everyone's own good. That it was better to keep up the image that they got
along all the way to the end even if it was a big lie. To prevent the public from ever finding
out that they couldn't tolerate one another and effectively ruin their image and career.

But then why? Why did they all stay? What was holding them together? What was tying
them down to the company?

("Jungkookie!"

Wide eyed, Jungkook turns around and watches Hoseok walk over to greet him, hair styled
neatly and makeup in place.

'Maybe he has an interview,'

Hoseok finally stands in front of him, a gentle smile gracing his face. "I haven't seen you in a
long time. I was beginning to think you didn't work at the company and I started to worry
about you."

Jungkook blinks, cheeks heating up at not knowing what to say. He scans Hoseok's outfit,
noting the expensive brands. He's all dolled up like they used to be before disbanding. That
was roughly 2 years ago.

"Jungkookie?"

Blinking, Jungkook meets Hoseok's blue eye contacts. "Sorry, It's been a while since I've seen
you and you look… good." tired, young, excited, and handsome but Jungkook refuses to say
more on that topic. "I also haven't been anywhere near the company."

"Oh?" Hoseok's expression turns into shock, his eyes travelling to take in Jungkook's
appearance. He grew his hair out again, keeping it in its natural color and he's wearing some
makeup --more than he would wear when completing mundane activities as an idol. But
Jungkook isn't an idol anymore and he doesn't care about the public's opinion on his style.
He's sporting a simple white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, perfect for dancing as he was
heading to the dance studio before being stopped.

"I didn't sign a contract anywhere so I could take a break from the cameras. Now I'm working
as a dance instructor for the trainees."

"Oh. That's… good. I'm glad you're back here, even if it's a different path than I thought you
would take."

"Well, I did mention not wanting to be a soloist."

"Right." Hoseok glances back at the staff calling for him to hurry up. "I hope you see the
others, I'm sure they would want to know that you're at least still alive even if they don't find
out about you working at the company again."

"You talk to them?"

Hoseok frowns. "No, but I know them well enough to figure out they would want to see you
after all this time. You've always been our baby."

Before Jungkook can speak, another call from the staff interrupts him and Hoseok flashes him
one last smile before leaving.)

At the time Jungkook didn't get it. "You've always been our baby" was said as though it
erased the memories of them fighting and disbanding, as though it were the only explanation
for his hyungs to see him again.

'As if it was the only reason Hoseok needed to seek me out and see how I was doing.'

Jungkook focuses back on the teens dancing in front of him. His eyes trained on Hoseok
while he dances and the others follow along.

His Hoseok looked surprised when Jungkook mentioned not signing under BigHit, or any
company in general. He seemed confused to find out that Jungkook was working as a dance
instructor of all things. Jungkook is surprised to have witnessed it. He doesn't understand why
his decisions were shocking. Even Sihyuk had been confused when Jungkook refused to re-
sign under the company.

("That, however, doesn't answer why you chose not to renew your contract."

"Oh." Jungkook looks down at his hands, taking in how different they look from the soft
dainty hands he used to have. "I'm tired... These past few months, maybe years, I grew tired
of the fame. It's exhausting and I simply don't want to perform anymore."

"Do you know why?"

Jungkook shrugs. "Maybe it was the group, maybe the pedestal that people place me on. Or
the accomplishments that don't satisfy me anymore." Jungkook glances up to see Sihyuk
extending a tissue to him. Jungkook touches his cheek to feel it wet with tears and he
gratefully takes the tissue to wipe them away.

"I thought that I didn't have anything else to contribute to. I can't really dedicate my time to
one specific thing. I don’t have the motivation to do anything extravagant like continue my
idol career."

"Not even helping out the trainees, or making demos for songs? Those are things that won't
expose you to the public and don't keep you rooted to one thing."
"I just... I want to be a normal man in his late twenties. I hate fame. I hate thinking about
being a solo artist and quite frankly I hate the fact that I hate the thing I once loved."

"A few years ago I thought that maybe I would open a music company or some kind of
business. Now I just want to live on my own. Settle down somewhere calm and forget that I
ever lived as an idol."

"Do you still love to sing?"

"No.")

Jungkook stares at the boy in front of him.

Taehyung is so naïve. Jungkook wonders if this is something he's always been. Of course, he
remembers the small bursts of thoughts that the older boy has had; the carefree nature that
makes him seem like nothing in the world could ever bother him as if he isn't aware of
everything going on around him.

But this Taehyung, this small boy who stares at everything like a newborn baby he isn't, it
brings a soft emotion within Jungkook who's seen so many trainees enter the company
building with a bright hope in their eyes for debut and naivety clinging to them as they stare
at the big city that Seoul is. Taehyung reminds him of the kids he mentored and it conflicts
with the image of a man who couldn't care less about Jungkook's comfort and emotions.

"Hello, I'm Kim Taehyung." There’s a grin on the boy's face, his eyes scrunched into
crescents and his cheeks a soft rosy color. Jungkook gives a small smile back, acting shy to
hide the discomfort in his body.

"I'm Jungkook." Taehyung's full attention makes Jungkook's skin crawl. Still, he smiles,
natural in the way his idol training is engraved into every part of his being. He hopes no one
notices how empty he feels. "These are my hyungs, Seokjin, Hoseok, Namjoon and Yoongi."

Jungkook moves to the side to let Taehyung shift his attention to them and watches as they all
say hello. Jimin is smiling proudly behind Taehyung, flashing Jungkook a toothy grin when
they make eye contact. Jungkook can't help but smile back. If Jimin is happy, then Jungkook
will do his best to get along with Taehyung.

"You have to stretch with Jimin before dancing with us. I don't want anyone pulling a muscle
while I'm here," Hoseok's voice chimes in. In a short time the two fifteen-year-olds are on the
floor completing their stretches with small talk amongst them while Jungkook joins Hoseok
in teaching the three eldest. Jungkook lets Hoseok do all the talking, chiming in every now
and then but mostly content with observing the group through the mirrors.
His gaze is on Namjoon's arms, too stiff but powerful in their movements. His eyes travel to
Yoongi who struggles with following the beat for his left arm. Seokjin is still fumbling with
his feet, adjusting his balance and torso movements. Hoseok is going over the sequence for
the -nth time but still remains patient. His voice is gentle but loud enough to be heard over
the music playing. Jungkook watches him join the dance to better guide the others and his
eyes drift to the pair in the back. Taehyung is leaning forward, the tips of his fingers nowhere
near touching his shoes as he stretches. There's an awed look on his face as his wide eyes
follow Hoseok's movements. Jungkook wants to scoff, to block his view and ask what he's
looking at for him to have such a dumb expression. Instead, he forces himself to look at Jimin
who's speaking animatedly to the boy next to him. It makes Jungkook smile. This is what he
wanted. This is what he's working so hard for. It doesn't matter if his bonds don't feel right
with the others because all he wants is for them to be happy with one other.

"Jungkookie? Hey!" Hoseok's voice brings him back to the present, an amused smile on his
face as he quirks an eyebrow up. "You spaced out for a second there." Jungkook laughs
nervously, noticing that everyone turned to gaze at him, small smiles on their faces that catch
Jungkook off guard.

("They would want to see you after all this time. You've always been our baby.")

Jungkook blinks before waving a hand, "Sorry, sorry. What did you need, hyung?"

“I want you to help Yoongi hyung and Namjoon with the counts.” Hoseok walks closer to
Seokjin as he speaks, “I’m gonna help Jin hyung and Jimin is gonna practice with Taehyung
once they're done warming up.” Jungkook nods and makes his way to the rappers, ignoring
the curious glances he can see Taehyung shoot him through the mirror.

Jungkook makes Yoongi and Namjoon go over the sequence again, causing the two to groan
which Jungkook rolls his eyes at, deciding to tell them he would go over it with them. It
doesn’t take long to teach them the proper timing, so he decides to correct their forms while
he glances in Seokjin’s direction to see if he’s more or less grasped the basic steps.

“You’re really good at teaching.” Jungkook turns to face Namjoon, glancing at Yoongi who
nods next to him in agreement. “Hoseok too. You’re both very patient and not that strict. Not
like Sungdeuk-ssi.”

Jungkook smiles, “Sungdeuk-ssi isn’t that bad.”

“Well, when you can’t get the dance right he is,” Yoongi grumbles, lifting his right arm to
massage his left shoulder.

Oh. How had he missed this? How had he forgotten all about Yoongi’s injury? He-

“You’re a really good dancer!” Jungkook whips his head around to meet Taehyung's wide
eyes. He fights back the urge to roll his eyes at the statement, not used to Taehyung being so
genuine. Instead, Jungkook looks down at the floor, appearing bashful at the compliment.

"Thanks--"

"Jungkookie and Hoseok hyung are the best dancers, I think," Jimin pipes in excitedly.
"They're also good teachers! I've learned a lot more with them than with Sungdeuk-ssi if I'm
being honest."

"We're not that good." Jungkook tries to argue. He knows very well how hard it is to change
Jimin's opinion.

"You both managed to teach Seokjin hyung and he's like a noodle."

"I heard that!" Seokjin yells mid-dance. Hoseok laughs loudly as the eldest messes up.

Jimin ignores him.

"You are really good at teaching, Jungkook," Yoongi says, wiping sweat off of his forehead.
"I would even say you're better than Hoseok. And that’s only because I never know what he
means by 'bAm ba baM boh'."

They all chuckle, fully aware that Hoseok is currently teaching Seokjin in that specific way.
Though Jungkook knows that it'll take some time before they all get used to that kind of
teaching.

"I want Jungkook to teach me then!" Taehyung says with a bright and hopeful smile. The
words make Jungkook stop chuckling, glancing at the boy with surprise. "I want to learn
from the best!"

("Do you think you're better than me?")

Jungkook sighs, trying his best to appear defeated at the semi-request. "I can't just teach you
directly, but Jimin can help me to teach the three of you."

Jimin points to himself, suddenly looking unsure. Jungkook sends him a reassuring smile,
deciding to make his life easier so he doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

"Don't worry, hyung. I'll be using you to demonstrate." Jimin doesn't look reassured at that. If
anything he looks skeptical now and Jungkook mentally rolls his eyes. It's not like he's going
to trick Jimin into doing something. Though, putting him on the spot probably doesn't make it
any easier on him.

"First, I have to see your dancing skills." He faces Taehyung with his 'teacher face' as he likes
to call it so his students know he means business. This way he doesn't have to pretend to like
Taehyung. Now there's a clear difference in who they are. Nothing more than teacher and
student. (Nothing more than mere strangers.)
 He has Taehyung run through the choreographies he knows, stumbling through them and
forgetting moves here and there. At some point, he even flipped the order of the moves, but
Jungkook simply smiles to hide the grimace he wants to make.

He has quite a lot to work with.

("Do you still love to sing?"

"No." Jungkook breathes in and looks down at his hands.

"Sometimes I just want to go back to being that little teenage boy that wanted to sing forever
and ever." Jungkook looks back up to meet Sihyuk's eyes and sniffles. "I want to live in a time
when I had to work for recognition. When those small awards made all the struggles worth it.
I... I just want them back, hyung. I want my group to be the boys that lived and breathed for
music. I'm tired of the men that stopped living for themselves.

"Nothing would make me happier than making music with them again.")

Chapter End Notes

Hello!
Ik I was gone for a hot minute, but tbh I had not the best time. My anxiety got pretty bad
after my moms passing in 2020, and I lost my love for writing, but i'm back.

I feel bad for not giving an explanation, but I also knew I want to finish this story. After
starting a skz time travel fic, I got back into the mood of writing this story again.

Thank you for your patience, and I hope you're all doing well! <3
 Hold Me Tight
Chapter Summary

Jungkook --from his hyungs perspective.

Chapter Notes

*appears from the void*

hi, here u go :)

*goes back into the void*

See the end of the chapter for more notes

❝Please open your closed heart, dampen my heart.❞

-Hold Me Tight

Hoseok poked at his food, pushing rice into the tangy sauce of the veggies Jungkook cooked
like it was second nature to him. It wasn't something he expected Jungkook to know, being
thirteen and naïve. Though, he doesn't seem as naïve as Hoseok thought. Innocent? Yes --or
at least appears so, he is a child after all-- but Jungkook is more knowledgeable than he lets
on most times. Sometimes it seems intentional, like he's putting on a mask to hide said
knowledge but there's always a look in his eye --a calculative and weary look that Hoseok
sees and wonders what Jungkook is trying to do.

"Hyung, stop playing with your food." Jungkook sends him a glare, which just looks adorable
on him.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

Hoseok pouts, and continues picking at his food. Jungkook sighs, placing his chopsticks
down on a napkin neatly. "Okay, you've been acting weird lately. What happened?"

Defensively, Hoseok perks up. "What do you mean? I haven't been weird."
Weirdly, Jungkook tenses, biting his lip and looking at Hoseok hesitantly, almost
contemplative-- but why? This whole time Jungkook has been anything but hesitant when it
comes to calling them out. Now he just looks... scared. Hoseok doesn't like that one bit.

"You've just been acting weird. You're lost in your thoughts a lot and you seem... sad."

Hoseok looks down at his food, poking at his veggies as a distraction. He doesn't like
dumping feelings on Jungkook because he's the youngest and he already has a lot on his plate
--literally, Jungkook has no sense of servings when it comes to food. Still, Jungkook has a
way of pestering someone to speak their thoughts. It's good in a way; there's no room for
misunderstandings now but it doesn't make it any less uncomfortable.

"I've just.... I haven't been in the best mental state lately." He says quietly. Jungkook eyes him
with a scrutinizing gaze, making Hoseok shift awkwardly in his seat.

"You saw them." He says grimly. Hoseok makes a noise of confusion, turning to look at
Jungkook's serious expression.

"Saw what?"

"The comments. You saw the comments I told you not to look at, didn't you?"

"I... yeah. Yeah, I did." Hoseok looks down at his lap, letting go of his chopsticks to fiddle
with his fingers in nerves and... shame. He can't lie and say he wasn't affected by the negative
comments, but it's damaging no matter how little meaning and truth the words held.

"You're not whatever they say you are." Jungkook's voice is firm as he speaks lowly only for
Hoseok to hear. His voice is oddly soothing as he speaks. He doesn't remember Jungkook
ever speaking this gently --always bulldozing his way through conversations and teachings.
"You're cool and funny. You're Hoseok and you're my hyung. What do they know about you
just from a ten-minute clip?"

Hoseok chuckles at the absurdity of the situation. He didn't think he would ever be getting an
uplifting speech from a thirteen-year-old, and yet here he is, with someone he can say he's
closest to despite the age gap.

Jungkook is still quite the mystery with all his hidden knowledge and yet, Hoseok can't help
but think that Jungkook is the most reliable person he's come across. More reliable than he
remembers.

"Thank you Jungkook." He gives the maknae a smile which Jungkook only eyes in suspicion
but lets the topic go with a wave of his hand.

"No problem, but eat your food. I did not slave away for you to throw it out." He chastises. "I
know my words won't change much, but remember that if you ever feel down, I'm here to
support and comfort you."

Hoseok nods and faces his food but keeps track of Jungkook's contemplative expression
through his peripherals. He seemed melancholic and... relieved? Strange, but not entirely
unexpected. He had expressed his worries about reading hate comments before. Still...
There's something just a little bit odd about Jungkook, and Hoseok can't shake the feeling off
no matter how normal the boy appears to be.

"I know it's hard to come to me for support, with the whole age difference and stuff, but I can
at least lend you an ear and a shoulder to cry on if it ever comes to that, hyung."

"...Right." Hoseok mumbles, too caught up in his thoughts to care about speaking up.
Jungkook nods once and goes back to eating, looking for all the world like a pre-teen boy
intent on inhaling his food.

What a strange child.

Jimin pants, flapping the ends of his sweat-soaked shirt to cool off as Hoseok and Jungkook
discuss a dance move ("I'm positive that it's left first and then right--" "No hyung, it's right
first, the left foot goes out but the right arm goes in." "Jungkook I know what I saw," "Then I
hate to break it to you but you may need some glasses, old man." "You little brat--") He sits
against the mirrors, closing his eyes for a brief moment to relax and let himself take in the
moment.

Ever since becoming a trainee, he's lived on a schedule. He goes to school, gets back to eat
and take lessons, goes home and does homework, and then knocks out. When there's no
school, he wakes up at an ungodly hour to practice with Jungkook and Hoseok, takes lessons,
eats with Jungkook and Seokjin --though that varies because Seokjin has a wild schedule--
then practices some more and finally goes to the dorms and do whatever he has to do on that
weekend. Still, even after getting kind of bored with the monotony of his trainee life, ever
since meeting Jungkook --and later Taehyung-- his life has taken a weird turn.

For one he now has someone who feeds him actual food. and he swears this is like restaurant
food. how is a thirteen-year-old so good at cooking?! Then there's the encouragement and
advice of a wise sage coming from a preteen. Lastly, he has a friend in the name of Jeon
Jungkook who's... strange.

Jimin doesn't comment on it because he doesn't know if it'll make Jungkook insecure or
something. Still, he notices when Jungkook is lost in thought and seems like he's grieving,
almost. It's a strange thing to see because as soon as he's snapped out of his thoughts he puts
on a sweet smile that doesn't... fit. Like the smile isn't one that should be on the preteen. Like
when Jungkook says that he'll grow into his nose --except that Jimin feels the smile isn't
necessarily something to grow into but out of. Then there's the confidence in him. Jungkook
looks so confident and carries himself that way. He doesn't care about other people's opinions
and speaks up when he has something to say. It's admirable if a bit... frightening. Jimin feels
like one day he'll say something out of line and Jungkook will just... blow up in a
metaphorical sense. It doesn't help that Jungkook is barely starting puberty so who's to say
how volatile his emotions will get in the future if he's already this outspoken?
Despite those little details that Jimin tries not to think about, Jungkook has ingrained himself
into Jimin's life that, if they somehow ended up on different paths in life, Jimin isn't sure how
he'll be able to move on without the younger boy. He's finally learned to love himself (that's a
work in progress) and if it weren't for Jungkook, Jimin would probably have self-confidence
issues for years.

His dancing skills have also improved --though Hoseok has contributed a lot, Jungkook tends
to take the reins when Hoseok doesn't know how to explain something. Jungkook is a great
teacher and Jimin is glad to have such a patient but strict friend. Plus, he's met some friends
who don't make fun of him or bully him too harshly (They know when to stop! They
understand boundaries, unlike the trainees who belittle him for the smallest things.) Though
Seokjin should stop stealing his food! Jungkook makes it with a lot of love and so early in the
morning!

Jungkook has been quite the whirlwind in Jimin's life. Still, despite his peculiarity, he's been a
welcomed and precious friend.

He just hopes Jungkook knows that he can come to Jimin with his own set of problems. Not
only because they're friends, but because Jungkook has helped Jimin in many ways that
Jungkook himself might not have realized. (Not only Jimin, but the rest of their little group as
well-- even Taehyung who's known Jungkook for all of two weeks and has already seemed to
calm a bit as he takes in Jungkook's persona.)

Jungkook reminds Taehyung of his siblings. He's tiny and moody, very much a teenager
going through puberty but he's mostly innocent and bossy --all in an endearing way.
Jungkook seems to want to be a grown-up like all other kids dreaming about adulthood. It's
obvious in the way he takes care of their little friend group (which Taehyung has come to
love because despite making friends left and right he's never had friends he truly feels close
to and accepts him with all his flaws.) Jungkook's food is amazing and very nutritious. He's
very easy to talk to and it almost feels like Jungkook is one of those old souls --which is
funny considering Jin seems like a young soul with how often he bickers with Jimin-- still,
sometimes Jungkook pulls away from Taehyung which is strange. Sometimes he'll be closed
off as soon as Taehyung initiates conversation, other times he'll slowly put up some walls
until Taehyung gets the message and lets him be or Jungkook finds something else to do.

It hurts a bit, but Taehyung also understands that some people just don't get along. Or they
can't handle extroverts (and Taehyung is very extrovert) so he's not too offended but he does
wonder if it's something that'll change for the better with time.

(Some part of him wonders if Jungkook does and will always hate him. It's a tiny part that
has and will forever exist, whispering all the flaws that Taehyung hates-- all his insecurities
mounting up to doubts on whether anyone truly likes him and not the idea of him.
(One day they'll get tired of him. One day he will ruin his friendships and it will all be
his fault. One day, one day, one day--))

"Hey, do you want those?" Taehyung startles and sees Jungkook looking at him with a raised
eyebrow and pointing at the stand in front of them like he's impatient and doesn't want to
bother with small talk. There's a candy Taehyung has always liked (one of the few he can
afford), one he rarely gets because his other friends don't like it and tend to judge him for
eating cheap candy. He hadn't known he was staring at it so intently while thinking and he's
embarrassed that he even did.

"N-no, I was just... lost in thoughts." Taehyung waves a hand around dismissively and laughs
a bit at his silliness. Jungkook only nods as if to appease him.

"You can get it if you want. I have enough for it." Jungkook waits expectantly as Taehyung
hesitates. Jungkook had invited him to buy snacks for everyone and he tagged along just to
get closer to Jungkook and maybe understand him a bit more --he didn't expect that the
maknae would buy him something. Not with the way their relationship seems strained for no
apparent reason. (He didn't expect Jungkook to treat the candy as though it were expensive.)

"It's fine. Really. I don't like it anyway." Taehyung chuckles awkwardly, taking a step back to
walk away and find the snacks he knows Jungkook usually gets them. However, Jungkook is
frowning at him and Taehyung feels his stomach sink at the idea of disappointing the maknae
--over candy! Not even candy that Jungkook wants! Which he should because he's the
maknae.

"I know it's not a popular candy, but if you enjoy it, you should get it. I may not like it, but it
doesn't mean you can't have it. So, do you want me to buy it or not?" Jungkook raises an
eyebrow in question. Taehyung feels oddly threatened by the question so he nods his head
and watches Jungkook grab three bars of candy. It's more than Taehyung expects and he
hastily gets closer to clasp his hands over Jungkook's, trying his best to pry the candy out of
his hands. He knows from the hyungs' rambles that Jungkook is a handful at times but, gods
he didn't think it was like this! Jungkook does stubbornly follow his impulses whether good
or bad.

"J-just one is enough! Really, thanks for getting these for me but you don't need to buy so
many!"

Jungkook raises an eyebrow and Taehyung feels ashamed for such an outburst. Still,
Jungkook complies and lets Taehyung grab two bars and place them back.

"Let's go buy some drinks." Jungkook turns around, leaving Taehyung to walk after him in
bewilderment. He jogs up to the maknae and falls into step while Jungkook looks around.

"Hey, Jungkook?"

"Hm?"

"Do I bother you?" Jungkook doesn't react, simply turns in the direction of the fridges filled
with drinks. Jungkook stops in front of them and looks at him. Taehyung fiddles with his
 fingers, shrinking into himself at the intense gaze directed at him.

Jungkook sighs defeatedly and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't hate you if that's what
you're asking."

"Then… Why do you seem tired of me sometimes?"

Jungkook hums, contemplatively. "You have a strong character. It's hard to adapt to --
personally. I don't mind if you're around me, but sometimes it can get overwhelming."
Jungkook pauses, taking the time to study Taehyung. Even though the statement is blunt, it
feels weirdly vulnerable, but Taehyung tries not to squirm under the piercing and
contemplative gaze. "You… remind me of someone I used to know. I used to get along with
them but they changed."

"Oh. You don't like that I remind you of that change?" It makes sense when Taehyung thinks
about it. Things probably didn't end well between Jungkook and this friend. Taehyung can
respect that. He's had his fair share of fallouts with friends. (He's too loud, too brash, too
social, talkative, insensitive--)

"Kind of. I'm just scared you'll change in the same way as them." Jungkook musters up a
bitter smile for Taehyung. It… hurts to see such an expression on him. It doesn't fit. Like
seeing mercy on the devil. "You're a good kid, Tae. I like having you around, it's just gonna
take me a while to get used to."

And there he goes, acting like an old man and calling him a kid. Taehyung nods nonetheless
and watches as Jungkook turns around and starts piling up drinks into the basket. It's just
another quirk that Taehyung will get used to one day.

(One day, one day, one day --One day they'll be strangers once again.)

Chapter End Notes

this has been in my drafts for a hot minute so i decided to divide the sections to update
sooner :)

i took a break from writing to get myself together, and im getting back into writing.
hopefully i get to update soon.

also, there might be a timeskip after the next chapter, but we'll see.

<3
End Notes

let me know your thoughts! I'll try to respond with at least a heart if im not too anxious :)

ty for reading! <3

take care, eat lots, drink lots of water, and stay safe.

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