Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Meguide 1
Meguide 1
Marriage Encounter
Presentation
Guide
A Resource Guide for Sharing Circle Presentations
General Information
Presentations
Acceptance................................................................................................................................. 29
Being Open to Others........................................................................................................................................... 32
Children............................................................................................................................................................... 35
Feelings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Finances. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .40
Free to Be Ourselves............................................................................................................................................ 42
Generosity............................................................................................................................................................ 45
I Like You; I Love You........................................................................................................................................ 47
Impact of Dialogue on Us.................................................................................................................................... 49
Jealousy............................................................................................................................................................... 52
Joy....................................................................................................................................................................... 54
Life and Death Feelings....................................................................................................................................... 56
Listening with All of My Heart............................................................................................................................ 59
Love Triangle: You, God, and Me....................................................................................................................... 61
New Beginnings: Living our Sacrament............................................................................................................... 64
Priorities.............................................................................................................................................................. 66
Privacy................................................................................................................................................................. 68
Reaching Out - Let’s Do It!.................................................................................................................................. 70
Receiving............................................................................................................................................................. 72
Recognizing My Needs........................................................................................................................................ 74
Relationships....................................................................................................................................................... 76
Self-Esteem.......................................................................................................................................................... 78
Sexuality.............................................................................................................................................................. 80
Sharing the Dream............................................................................................................................................... 84
State of Our Unions.............................................................................................................................................. 86
Today’s Marriage................................................................................................................................................. 88
What Difficulties Do You Have Tuning Into God?............................................................................................... 90
Who Do You Think I Am?................................................................................................................................... 92
Why Can’t I Stay the Way I Am?......................................................................................................................... 94
Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?...................................................................................................................... 96
Appendices
This booklet has been developed for couples that have attended a Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend and
are involved in a Sharing Group which is often referred to as a “Circle of Love.”
This booklet is not sponsored by Worldwide Marriage Encounter and it is not our intent to imply that the only
way anyone can develop meaningful Presentations is by following the outlines in this booklet. If you are
comfortable developing and giving talks at your “Share Group” meetings without using an outline, then by all
means, continue. But if you, like many of us, struggle in writing Presentations then, this booklet may be of help
to you. The important thing to remember when writing any Presentation is that you share yourselves fully. Your
couple love and your relationship with the Lord is what is important and not the Presentation. The Presentations
you give are merely the vehicle that help you and others in your “Circle of Love” to grow in your love for each
other and the Lord.
We want to thank all of the couples that contributed to this booklet by writing those beautiful outlines and other
materials. Please feel free to copy this booklet and make it available to anyone who wants it. In the meantime
know that you are loved by someone in Texas. Enjoy!
Yours in Christ,
It was obvious to us that the Durcan’s and the Dallas Marriage Encounter Community put forth a great deal of
effort in creating this Presentation Guide. With multiple generations of copy, pages missing, and nearly ten years
gone by, we felt it time for a revision. The vast majority of credit for the writing of this Presentation Guide goes
to the Durcan’s and those couples who worked tirelessly to create this for others. We have tried only to give the
Presentation outlines a more uniform feel while clarifying certain sentences and concepts. We have also
expanded the number of suggested Scripture readings. If you notice any grammatical or spelling errors, please
notify us so that we can make the necessary changes. Many new ideas for this Presentation Guide came from the
Worldwide Marriage Encounter Web Site located at www.wwme.org. In particular from the Web Site, many ideas
need to be credited to Doug Diana Konz of Albany, Minnesota.
This Presentation Guide is available to you from us on disk (Word Perfect Suite 8). Should you like a copy,
please send your request to:
The Worldwide Marriage Encounter Community of East Tennessee for their patience, guidance, love and support.
Each and everyone within this community is truly our second family.
What is Worldwide Marriage Encounter?
Currently, at least 15,000 couples a year attend a World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend in the
United States. Overall, over 2,000,000 couples have attended a United States World Wide Marriage Encounter
Weekend in the last 31 years with 5,000,000 more couples attending Weekends in other countries during the same
time period.
The Weekend is Catholic in orientation and is expressed in the traditions and understanding of the
Catholic Church. However, it is open to all faith expressions and 30% of the spaces on each Weekend are
reserved for non-Catholics.
In addition to the Catholic experience of the World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekend, eleven other
denominations also conduct World Wide Marriage Encounter Weekends: Lutheran, United Methodist, Baptist,
United Church of Christ, Episcopal, Presbyterian, Reformed, Seventh Day Adentists, Orthodox, Mennonite and
United Church of Canada.
One of the key elements of World Wide Marriage Encounter is continued support after the Weekend.
The experience of the Weekend is meant to last a lifetime, but living God’s Plan is quite often in direct opposition
to living the World’s plan. Continued support of other Encountered couples and priests is encouraged and
fostered through small sharing groups and community events designed to keep the couples “centered on Christ and
focused on each other.”
The Marriage Encounter experience not only benefits the couple and their sacrament, but also has
positive effects on family communications and parenting.
A significant number of couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend become more involved in
their parish in lay leadership roles and liturgical ministries.
Less than 15% of the couples making a Marriage Encounter Weekend rated their marriage as excellent
before the Weekend, but nearly 65% rated their marriage excellent after the Weekend, a 400% increase!
Over 90% of the couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend consider it “very good” to
“excellent.”
More than 80% of the couples making the Marriage Encounter Weekend said that even years later, their
experience continues to have a significant impact on intimacy and closeness in their marriage.
In 1962, Father Calvo presented the conferences as a Weekend retreat to 28 couples in his native
Barcelona. The experience enjoyed immediate success and rapidly spread throughout Spain as the Encuentro
Conjugal.
James and Mercedes Ferrer, one of the earliest couples involved with the conferences in Spain, addressed
the International Confederation of Christian Family Movements (ICCFM) together with Father Calvo in Caracas
in 1966. It was there that “Encuentro Conjugal” was born in the New World. The Weekends spread to Latin
America under the aegis of the Movimiento Familiar Cristiano (MFC) to Spanish speaking couples in the United
States.
The Encounter movement began its growth in the English speaking world when at the close of the
Christian Family Movement (CFM) Convention at Notre Dame University in 1967, a Mexican couple and an
American missionary priest from Mexico presented the Weekend to seven couples and a few priests. The
Encuentro Conjugal received the active support of Christian Family Movement and Pat and Patty Crowley,
founders of Christian Family Movement, who invited Spanish couples and priests to come to the United States and
conduct Weekends for both Spanish and English speaking couples. In the summer of 1968, 50 couples and 29
priests accepted the invitation and presented Weekends in the United States.
By January of 1969, American couples and priests were conducting Marriage Encounter Weekends. A
New Jersey couple, Jamie and Arline Whalen, called together those couples and priests who had presented two or
more of what was now known as Marriage Encounter Weekends. A National Executive Board was formed with
Jamie and Arline as the first executive couple. Marriage Encounter remained affiliated with Christian Family
Movement. The second board meeting was held in 1969 at Notre Dame in conjunction with the Christian Family
Movement Convention. The first task of the board was to develop guidelines for the Weekend and to coordinate
the development of the movement in the United States and Canada.
In the Diocese of Rockville Center, New York, under the leadership of Edward and Harriet Garzero,
Christian Family Movement President couple, and Father Charles Gallagher, S.J., a youth retreat master, the
movement was growing rapidly. Philosophical differences with the National Leadership began to appear. In New
York, stress was placed on the follow-up to the Weekend as well as on the Weekend itself. There was a strong
emphasis on the development of a Marriage Encounter “community” to provide support for living the values
learned through the Weekend, especially for the “Dialogue” as a technique for communication through the
sharing of feelings. In addition, the renewal of the Sacrament of Matrimony was a strong focus as a means for
renewing the Catholic Church. The Long Island Leadership of the “New York Expression” of Marriage
Encounter separated from the National Board. The New York Expression formed Worldwide Marriage
Encounter. Today, Worldwide and National Marriage Encounter exist as two different expressions of the original
Encuentro Conjugal of Father Gabriel Calvo.
In the fall of 1971, the New York Group which, for a year, had been sponsoring Weekends weekly in the
New York area, made the decision to spread the experience throughout the United States and other parts of the
world. Teams traveled first to Grand Forks, North Dakota with the assurance of financial, training, and personnel
support from the New York family until the new unit could support itself. The only condition was that once the
area was self-supporting the same assistance would be given to other areas. By December of the same year, the
Weekend had reached Santa Barbara, California, the site of the first Worldwide Marriage Encounter .
At about the same time, Worldwide Marriage Encounter began its international expansion. Team couples
were sent to Belgium and then England. The expansion continues today. The Worldwide Marriage Encounter
Weekend is now offered in Latin America, Europe, Africa, Australia, and Asia as well as in Canada and the
United States. The number of countries in which the Weekend is given now totals 83. In 1978, the International
Council was formed and includes leadership teams (couple and priest) from seven secretariats: Asia, South
Pacific, Pan-Africa, Europe, United States, Canada, and Latin America. As of 2000, Alberto and Marinaty
d’ElaMora in Mexico City, Mexico and Fr. Jonas Guerrero Corona of Jalisco, Mexico are the International
Coordinating Team.
Although Worldwide Marriage Encounter began as a Roman Catholic experience, it has always provided
openings for couples of other faiths. Many of these couples have seen the potential the Weekend offers for
Church renewal for their own denominations. In 1971, the Weekend was introduced to the Jewish and Episcopal
faiths. Worldwide Marriage Encounter provided the initial financial support and guidance needed for these
expressions to flourish. The spread of the Weekend to other faiths continues. An Interfaith Board meets twice a
year for the sake of communication and support. Eleven Protestant faiths are now affiliated with Worldwide
Marriage Encounter. They, together with the Roman Catholic Expression make up the Board. Other expressions
are: Baptist, Lutheran, Episcopal/Anglican, Presbyterian, Mennonite, Reformed, United Methodist, Seventh Day
Adventist, United Methodist, United Church of Christ, and Orthodox.
Affiliation with Worldwide Marriage Encounter requires a commitment of fidelity to the Worldwide
Outline (except for necessary theological changes), having all team members on a given Weekend be of the same
faith denomination, and supporting the daily Dialogue technique as a practice and value.
Today, the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend is offered in in all 50 states. In 1983,
approximately 1500 Weekends were presented to about 25,000 couples (these figures do not include Protestant
expressions). It is estimated 1,250,000 people have experienced the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend!
The National Board of Worldwide Marriage Encounter is made up of a couple and a priest from each of
the sixteen sections across the country. The National Executive Team is presently Lee and Jan Kremer of
Algonquin, Illinois and Fr. Gerry Bolduc, OMI. The National Office is located in San Bernardino, California at
2810 East Highland Avenue, Suite 106, 92404-4666.
The basic philosophy of Worldwide Marriage Encounter rests on the belief that the Sacraments of
Matrimony and Holy Orders are a call to unity for the couple and the priest. For the married couple this is a call
first of all to unity with each other. That unity in love is a Sacramental sign to the Church of Jesus’ love for all of
us. They, therefore, not only receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, but their relationship becomes the Sacrament.
Their daily “yes” to one another is also a yes to the Church which has called them to a Sacramental way of life,
not only for their own sakes, but for the sake of the Church. They belong, not only to each other, but are called
also to a unity with others as their Sacrament.
The priest experiences a call to unity with his people; they ask him to be their priest. Just as Matrimony
is not a private affair for a couple, a priest’s priesthood is not his own. He is, therefore, not his own man. The call
to celibacy in the Latin Rite Church is not a call to chaste bachelorhood, but a call to intimacy, involvement, and
belonging to his people.
The Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend is designed as a series of Presentations by a trained team
of three couples and a priest. Each of these Presentations involves a sharing of some aspect of their own
relationship concluding with a question for the personal reflection and discussion of the participants (couples,
priests, and religious). The design is such that the Weekend is a private experience. There are no group
discussions.
The experience begins on Friday evening and concludes late Sunday afternoon. It is usually held at a
retreat house or hotel. Generally, 20-30 couples participate.
Worldwide Marriage Encounter sees its Weekend experiences as the beginning of the Encounter.
Follow-up programs and the development of the Encounter community at the local level are seen as a vital part of
the continuing growth and support. For the couple, these provide an opportunity for continued discernment of
their role and mission within the Church, usually in the context of the parish. Large numbers of Encountered
couples tend to become involved in parish leadership roles, especially in ministries relating to religious education,
marriage preparation, family life programs, Liturgy, prayer and spirituality. Diocesan or interparochial programs
such as Right-to-Life and Natural Family Planning are also areas that involve many Encountered couples. For
these couples, the Encounter community continues to be a source of continuing strength and support.
The Weekend itself has also proved to be a means of evangelization. Typically the couples experience
not only a conversion to each other, but a real conversion to their church. Often the unchurched or those who
have been apart from the Sacramental life of the Church for many years, experience Church in a new way and
begin to develop a deep sense of their own importance to the Church as a Sacramental sign of Jesus’ love and a
sense of belonging. There is a new awareness of the significance of others in their lives. Proselytizing those who
are members of other faiths is never the goal of the Weekend, but the desire for intimacy and unity with the
marriage relationship often results in the decision by the couple to embrace a common faith family.
At the heart of Worldwide Marriage Encounter’s philosophy is the deep-seated belief that the Sacraments
of Matrimony and Holy Orders are powerful and precious gifts given by God to the Church. The renewal of these
Sacraments are the special gifts that Encounter has to bring to the church in its own continuing self-renewal.
Worldwide Marriage Encounter, therefore, happily sees itself as joining with other movements who bring their
own gifts to the work of renewal, in providing new life for all the people of God.
An opportunity to share your relationship with God, your spouse, and with others.
A community of married couples who support each other through the good times and
bad.
A small group of Encountered couples who meet once or twice a month to share their
lives with each other.
To reach out to renew the Church by showing and sharing our love to others.
To unite in community and sincerely try as couples and priests to develop our spirituality
through daily Dialogue, sexuality, and prayer.
To recruit for the Weekend, which allows us to spread our special gift of the Weekend to
other couples and priests.
To provide monthly Presentations that challenge and motivate ourselves as well as each
other.
To enthusiastically support the needs of the Weekend by responding to the Friday night
luggage carry, to sponsor couples and priests by praying for them, and by supporting
couples and priests.
To encourage couples and priests to be open and apostolic in seeking God’s plan in their
relationship.
To seek and call forth gifts that couples and priests could contribute to the welfare of the
community.
Circle format not followed: Circle becomes long; deviations can inhibit new couples.
Sometimes we forget why we have joined together in a Circle. By uniting in Christian community and by
trying sincerely as couples to Dialogue daily, we reach out to renew our Catholic Church by showing and sharing
our love to others - first, by spreading our special gift, the Weekend, to couples, priests and religious. Besides
recruiting, we support the Weekend by enthusiastically responding to calls to carry luggage and to sponsor
couples, praying for them on the Weekend, and supporting them afterward as they struggle with Dialogue and the
challenging idea of renewing the Church and the World.
We also take turns with other Circles in sponsoring Community nights, recruiting for the Weekend and
providing dinner for the Presenting Team at the Afterglow.
Polishing up our own relationship comes first, but it is only part of the picture. We are united in a
broader effort. A Circle meeting can be a beautiful, rewarding, loving and shared experience, but like the
Eucharistic Banquet, the heart of the Church liturgy, it is not complete until we hear and act on the final
instructions: “Go Forth to Love and Serve.”
Please help bring the gift of the Weekend to all couples, priests and religious!
Circle provides support of sacramental spirituality through prayer, Presentation, daily Dialogue,
sexuality, and open and honest communication.
Circle provides enthusiastic support for the Weekend and commitment to a monthly gathering of
Encountered couples and priests that remains focused on the values and purpose of Worldwide Marriage
Encounter.
Circle is designed for those who have shared the Weekend experience so that they may help to develop
and strengthen our Marriage Encounter Community.
Through Circle, we hear and act on the final instruction: Go forth to love and serve.
Some outlines in this booklet are only one page long while others are longer. Do not let the length of the
outline intimidate you; all Presentations should last approximately 20 minutes. Some outlines give you more
background materials than others. Sharing your couple love through Presentations will help you grow in your love
for the Lord and each other.
When working with the outlines, a list of Dialogue questions are provided. These are an excellent source
of material for developing your Presentation. However, they are not a hard and fast requirement. You may
Dialogue on any of them, all of them, none of them, or just use your own questions.
Creating A Presentation
Preparation Before Writing
Creating A Presentation
Select a topic from the booklet or from the Suitable Topics idea for a Presentation. It
could be about what is going on in your life right now.
Try to pick a topic that is relevant for other couples. You may have to re-word the
question to make it relevant. For an example, you may change a question from, “How do
I feel about fly-fishing,” to, “How do I feel about separate vacations?”
Pick a topic that both you and your spouse can agree upon and that is meaningful to your
relationship.
Write at least three Dialogue questions (more is great!) that relate to the topic of your
Presentation.
Dialogue on the questions you have selected at least four times. Use both the written
love letters and verbal portion of your Dialogues as input to your Presentation. Explore
the side roads that may come up in your 10/10.
Writing the Presentation - Make an outline, one for each spouse. Use a back and forth method of writing so that
the group hears from each of you as an individual.
Introduction - Start by giving the title of your Presentation and why you selected it. It is also appropriate to give
a short Scripture reading that is associated with the topic of your Presentation. The scripture reading can be given
at the beginning or end of the Presentation. This will provide emphasis to your talk and help turn everyone’s
focus to God and His role in our lives. The Introduction portion should last approximately two minutes for each
spouse.
Body of Talk - This section contains the “meat” of your sharing and should be approximately six minutes for each
spouse. The following are some questions you may ask yourself to help you develop this section:
How am I failing to love or act, and what are its effects on us?
What are the blocks or obstacles (in Me) that I must overcome in order to grow in this
area?
How does our Dialogue help us in this area? If it is not, then what is it that we are trying
to avoid?
Conclusion - In this section you tie up any loose ends and summarize your talk. This portion of your Presentation
should only be two minutes each.
Choose a Dialogue Question - The Dialogue question should be challenging and help the Sharing Group apply
what you have just shared to their own lives. Provide a 10/10 for a Dialogue. You may use the suggested
Dialogue question, or create one that caters specifically to your Presentation and the needs of your Circle.
Choose a Sharing Question - The sharing question should be easy to share on and should be a question each
person can respond to in open sharing; it can be the same as the Dialogue Question.
A Guideline for the Gift of Daily Dialogue
Writing allows you to be yourself. Sometimes, writing about feelings will even surprise
you and you may end up saying to yourself, “Is this me?”
You will be able to get in contact with yourself when writing, as it gives you time to
think.
If one spouse is generally a fast talker and thinker, writing will give the slower partner a
chance to be heard.
Feelings may be distorted while the other spouse is talking; you may miss your spouse’s
feelings because you are not listening. We cannot do two things at once.
We can write intimacies and silly, romantic things that we would never have the courage
to say out loud.
The Love Letter - The love letter is the springboard to our Dialogue; its purpose is not to just get the feelings out.
Dialogue should not be a grocery list of our feelings. The purpose is to build toward a total awareness of each
other.
You may want to begin your love letter by silently saying a short prayer, or, perhaps writing a short prayer in your
love letter. Ask our Father to guide your hands as you write and to give you the openness, honesty and trust to
reveal your true self to your lover. Prayer is essential for Dialogue since our concern and strong desire for a
closeness in our relationship is our response to God’s Plan for us.
Keep your spouse in mind the entire time you write. Another way to begin your love letter is to write to your
spouse about the special quality you see in them each day or use endearments that are special to each of you.
Describing Feelings - One obstacle for getting in touch with your feelings is a lack of vocabulary; no one knows
enough names for feelings. The way to overcome this is to describe feelings in relation to our own experiences.
For example, the child who has a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach because he does not know the answer
when the teacher calls on him. Or, the refreshing feeling of a cool glass of tea on a hot day.
Do not wear masks when writing. Masks are worn when talking face to face or when we are defending ourselves
from close observation. There is no place for masks when writing your Dialogue;
be yourself.
We have many different choices to describe our feelings in our love letter. Physical description, music, food,
nature, past experiences, color, sound, touch, taste and smell are all ways we can utilize to describe our feelings
deeply to your spouse. Each couple must discover for themselves which area is best for them to describe their
feelings, and which area their spouse relates to easily.
When writing your reflection, feel free to cross out things you do not mean and underline words and sentences for
emphasis.
Exchange and Reading of Love Letters
The exchanging of a love letter has a very important affect on and sets the mood of our Dialogue. A casual
exchange can lead to a casual Dialogue whereas a tender and loving exchange will create an atmosphere of care
and love that will give us a great desire for more. Remember, we are not merely exchanging pieces of paper with
each other. We are exchanging the most precious gift we can offer to one another: the gift of ourselves to our
lover!
When reading your spouse’s love letter to you, get deeply immersed in your relationship and the feelings your
spouse is describing to you. Be careful not to get side-tracked and read what you want to know, versus what our
spouse might be feeling. Try to experience your spouse more fully, so you can love each other more completely.
Dialogue
After reading each other’s love letter, share your response feelings you have right then and whatever feelings are
stirring within you. Dialogue on your strongest feeling. The feeling could be something you wrote about in your
love letter or a new response feeling after reading the love letter. You may want to pray or meditate before or
after your Dialogue.
Other Tips
Seek to understand your spouse, not to be understood. Spend as much time and effort
trying to understand your spouse’s point of view as much as you try to make them
understand yours.
Do not assume you know, ask! There is information that you cannot get by any other
means than by asking your spouse; never assume what they think. It is easy to get
impressions about what your spouse may be thinking from body action and facial
expression. Yet to know what they are really thinking, you must ask. Communication
will improve once we stop assuming, and start communicating.
Disagree? Yes! Disrespect? No! Always show respect for your spouse’s opinions even
when you disagree. Remember: your spouse is baring their soul to you (Phil 2:3-4).
We can learn to communicate, build self-esteem in each other, to love and understand
one another by reading God’s Word and following his rules. We must try our best to
find God and must not wander off from his instructions. We must think much about
God’s words and store them in our hearts. Gods Word will hold us back from sinning
against one another by failing to communicate (Psalm 119:9-11).
Be a ready listener, and do not talk until the other person is finished talking (Proverbs
18:13
and James 1:19).
Be slow to speak, think first, do not be hasty in your words, speak in such a way that the other
person can understand and accept what you say (Proverbs 15:23-28, 21:23, 29:20 and James 1:19)
Speak the truth always but do it in love; do not exaggerate (Ephesians 4:15, 25
and Colossians 3:9).
Do not use silence to frustrate the other person. Examine why you are hesitant to talk at
this time.
Do not respond in anger; use a soft and kind response (Proverbs 14:29, 15:1, 25:15,
29:11 and Ephesians 4:26:31)
When you are in the wrong, admit it and ask forgiveness (James 5:16) When someone
confesses to you, tell them you forgive them. Be sure it is forgotten and do not bring it
up again (Proverbs 17:9, Ephesians 4:32, Col 3:13, and 1 Peter 4:8).
Do not blame or criticize. Instead, restore, encourage and edify (Romans 14:13,
Galatians 6:1, 1 Thess 5:11.).
Try to understand your spouses opinion; be concerned with their interests (Phil 2:1-4 and
Ephesians 4:2).1
Sometimes, the most we can feel about something is good or positive, words that do not say too much
about our feelings. Very often it is because we are only scratching the surface. Writing helps to develop simple
feelings like “I really felt good when you brought me the rose.” During deep reflection, as you think about your
spouse, you may begin to feel loved and deeply appreciated because of his or her thoughtfulness. Writing helps
you to realize that you may have been taking an act of love for granted, and you discover a little more about
yourself and your spouse.
Writing Negative Feelings - By writing our negative feelings, we can put them in their proper perspective and
they have a chance to taper off as we look at ourselves. For an example, you may feel anger and resentment
towards your spouse, but as you begin to unmask, you may find that these feelings are caused by your own
selfishness. When you write about your negative feelings, you can do it in a way that will make your spouse want
to listen with his or her heart. The feelings are no longer harsh, cutting words that if spoken verbally would scar
and maybe never be forgotten. By expressing these feelings, we prevent walls from being built.
Dialogue Do’s
1
Many of the ideas in this section involving communication come from: Wright, H. Norman.
Communication, Communication, Communication: Key to your Marriage. Ventura: Regal Books, 1974.
Dialogue Don’t’s
Do not expect your spouse to change because you shared your feelings
Avoid blaming statements (i.e. you made me..., or, you didn’t...); Concentrate on feelings
Avoid using critical judgements; the decision to love your spouse will keep you on track
Do not short-change your Dialogue time together by not spending the full time talking
about and continuing to draw out and explore the feeling about which you have written
Avoid the temptation to problem-solve on the subject during the dialogue time; be sure to
use the 10 minutes just to listen.
Be willing to go back into your past to find shared experiences when sharing your feelings.
Use very deep questions most of the time, rather than settling for the safe “easy”
questions.
All the foregoing are reasons for making reflections true love letters and our Dialogue time a “love-in”
between spouses.
Building trust and confidence that my spouse will accept me as I am takes time. We are used to hiding
behind our masks and we are reluctant to remove them because we feel naked without them.
Dialogue is a time for experiencing our spouse’s feelings. Dialogue is meant to allow your spouse to share their
feelings without being judged or analyzed. Dialogue is not a time to unload or blame. By following some simple
rules and techniques, you can make the most of your Dialogue!
Keep a box of tissue close at hand. Everyone cries sometimes. That is part of sharing
feelings.
Most important, be yourself! We all have something beautiful and unique to share:
ourselves and our relationship.
Nothing traumatic; just everyday experiences. Just as our Dialogue is not used for true
confessions, so the Presentation is also not used for that purpose.
Write out the entire Presentation. This helps keep your talk focused and on topic. This
is one place where reading your speech is appropriate.
Sharing Guidelines
Return quietly to the Circle from your 10/10 Dialogue with your spouse so as not to disturb the mood of others.
Listen with love in your heart; we all want to be listened to and understood.
Remember that others are enriched when they hear you share from your life.
Be brief if you tend to talk a lot; make an effort to share if you are the silent type.
Whatever is said in the Circle should remain in the Circle and is considered confidential.
Do not offer solutions; this is a time for listening and trying to understand, not for
answers.
This is not a time for witty remarks, clever comments, attempts to ease the situation or
efforts to change the subject; any such could possibly discourage the speaker from
sharing again.