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 PRIZEFIGHTER
A BBW & BAD BOY SPORTS ROMANCE
LANA LOVE
LOVE HEART BOOKS
Copyright © 2022 by Lana Love

All rights reserved.

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For a full list of my books, please visit:

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 C O NT E NT S

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7

Epilogue
About Lana Love
C HAPTER 1
 LUANN

I can’t wait for you to get here to San Diego! You’re going to love it!” Ginger’s voice is
animated, and she grins at me as we video chat. I’m excited to move and see her and Kent,
too. I run my hand over my stomach, forcing myself to smile as it flips and makes me feel queasy.
“Me, too. I put in notice on my apartment today. One month and I’ll be in San Diego with you two.”
I’ve been working for months to get things lined up as a traveling nurse and finding a contract in San
Diego so I could be in a new city where I have friends. It’s all coming together and I’ll be leaving
Raytown soon.
“What’s up with you, Luann? You’re kind of distant today. Is everything okay?” Ginger looks at me
and I know I have to be honest with her.
“I just… I don’t feel—” I swallow and bolt out of my chair. “Be right back!”
I rush to the bathroom, barely making it to my toilet in time as my breakfast comes up in an acidic
rush. Rinsing out my mouth, it dawns on me that this is becoming a pattern.
“Sorry about that,” I tell Ginger as I sit back down again.
“What’s going on?”
“Maybe I ate something bad last night.” My mind is trying to deny the obvious reason, like maybe if I
don’t admit it, it won’t be true.
“Didn’t you say that you weren’t feeling well the other day, too?” I squirm a little as Ginger stares at
me. “Maybe you should get a test? Are you seeing anyone?”
“No, I’m not.” I sigh, knowing exactly when this happened if it’s what I think it is. “But…”
“Oh, this is going to be good.” Ginger smiles and makes a show of rubbing her hands together in
excitement.
“I may have hooked up with someone a couple of months ago. It was just a one-night thing.”
“Do you think there could be something more?”
I almost cringe at the hope I see in Ginger’s eyes. One of the reasons I’m leaving Raytown is that
there isn’t anyone I can seriously date, which is a problem if you eventually want to settle down with
someone. I don’t want to end up a lonely spinster, which seems like a distinct possibility if I stay
here.
“Ginger, it was a one-night stand. It was one of the boxers at Beth’s brother’s gym. He’s a total
player.” I shake my head to clear it of the memories of my mind-blowing night with Caleb. I’ve never
felt so desired, much less had that kind of toe-curling-mind-numbing orgasm on a one-night stand. It
was like a whole new part of me opened up, and it was incredible. I have exes who never made me
feel half of how Caleb did.
“Honestly,” I continue, “I’ll probably have an abortion. It’s not like I particularly wanted children,
anyway. There’s no way in hell I’m going to be a single mom. I respect women who are, but…that’s
not the life I want, especially here in Raytown.”
“Luann. You need to talk to this guy.”
“About what? It was a one-night stand. As I understand it, he’s famous for dating like it was a
competitive sport. I’m not going to be a single mom chasing a deadbeat dad for child support. You
know how I feel about that.” Ginger knows all about my mother and what she sacrificed for my sister
and me.
Ginger listens and nods. She and Kent are trying for a kid of their own, so it feels awkward to talk
about this with her. I haven’t even told my sister, Shelly. Of the two of us, she’s the one who wants
children and a big family, though hopefully, she doesn’t have one with her asshole boyfriend. I keep
trying to convince her to leave him, but that’s another story.
“Be that as it may, Luann. You still need to talk to this guy. He might surprise you.”

I COULDN ' T BELIEVE it when the pregnancy test was positive this morning. After talking to Ginger, I
looked back at the last few weeks and realized I'd had symptoms, but it didn't occur to me that I could
be pregnant. Caleb and I used a condom, but clearly, it didn’t do its job. He’s the only guy I’ve slept
with in months, so there’s no question that this happened when we hooked up after Beth’s party.
Dammit. This wasn’t part of my plan. Children aren’t something I’ve dreamed about. My dream has
been to be Cool Auntie Luann.
I sit outside Champ’s Gym in my car, looking at the door and willing myself to have the courage to go
in and see Caleb. I'm not even sure if he's there. I know Ginger says I need to talk to him, but what’s
the point? He’s a known player. Still, a voice in my head says Ginger is right and I should give him a
chance.
Dammit Lu, you have to do it. I take a deep breath and pick up my purse, checking to make sure the
pregnancy stick isn't poking out. I make my way to the front entrance of the gym and brace myself as I
push open the heavy door.
Once inside, the musky smell of sweat and testosterone fills my nose. I swallow and cross my fingers
that my stomach cooperates and I won't suddenly feel nauseated. Nerves flood through me, but I tell
myself I’ve just come to talk to him, suss out the situation, and make a decision. It's not like he has to
know I'm pregnant. It's my body and I can control what I do with it, especially since we only shared
one night together.
Part of me agrees that it's worth talking to him to see if there's a chance there's something more
between us. Maybe he’ll step up and be a father to our child or even my husband. No. It’s crazy to
think about marrying him just because we just spent one night together and the condom broke. Our
whole relationship, if you want to call it that, was a few beers and then a few hours in bed. I left
before dawn because I assumed it was a one-night stand and he wouldn't want to see me when he
woke up.
“Luann, hi.”
I startle at the sudden sound of Champ’s voice next to me. I didn't even hear him approach. “Champ.
Hey. How are you?”
Beth’s brother is a hulking guy, but if you know him, you know his hard exterior covers up a gentler
interior. The moment I approached him about adding self-defense classes because of what was
happening with my sister, he didn’t blink or hesitate for a second, just talked to one of the guys here
and the class was on the calendar.
“I'm good, thanks. Beth's not here. You know she's not working for me anymore, right? She jumped
ship, and she's working over at the bank.” Champ rolls his eyes. It’s no secret that he bears a grudge
against Beth for not staying at the gym.
“Oh, right. I know about that.” I pause, trying to find the right thing to say. “But I'm not here for her.”
“What can I help you with?” Champ crosses his arms over his barrel chest and gives me his full
attention. “We've got the self-defense class up and running. Do you think your sister is ready to start?
And we ain’t taking no money for it, either.” Champ’s eyes darken with a powerful intensity.
I sigh and think of Shelly. “I'm not sure about Shelly. Her boyfriend was just back on shore leave, and
I’m sure it was the way it always is—great for a few days and then rough. I've told her about your
class, but I can't force her to do it. She's gonna have to make that choice for herself. One day she'll see
how bad her boyfriend is for her.”
Champ inhales through his teeth and I can see a vein throbbing on his forehead. “Yeah, you've got to
let her come to the decision herself. You can't help someone who won't accept help. But if you're not
here for Beth and you're not here for me, why are you here?”
I look around the gym and my heart skips a beat as I spot Caleb in the ring. He’s sparring with another
boxer and I watch as he gracefully dances around the ring, his muscles flexing with strength and
agility. His eyes suddenly land on me and he freezes as his opponent swings at him. I hear a crack and
Caleb falls backward onto the mat.
I immediately go into nurse mode and rush over to the ring. “Are you okay? Is your nose broken?”
Caleb struggles to focus, but he grins like a little boy as he looks at me. “I'm okay now you're here.”
C HAPTER 2
 CALEB

I see stars as I lie flat on my ass on the mat of the ring, staring up at Luann. It was a miracle
when I glimpsed her standing there next to Champ. She’s the last person I expected to walk
into the gym, but seeing her is the best thing that’s happened to me since our night together.
“Are you okay?” she asks, concern filling her eyes. “I'm a nurse. Do you want me to check you over?”
Thoughts of playing doctor or nurse immediately fill my head, but this isn't the time or the place, and
the last thing I need is to sport a raging hard-on. And believe me, when I think about her, I need
privacy.
“I think I'm okay,” I tell her. “But I'm happy for you to look me over.”
She arches an eyebrow and turns to Champ. “Do you have a first aid kit? I need some gloves and a
clean, wet rag if you have one.”
I wince as I touch my nose and realize it's bleeding.
“Don't touch it. Tilt your head back.”
I do as she says, enjoying her bossing me around. I watch as Champ hands her the first aid kit and she
pulls on a pair of gloves.
“Okay, tell me if this hurts. I need to palpate your nose and make sure it's not broken.”
“I can handle it,” I tell her.
I see a smile play on her lips as she rolls her eyes. I gasp when she touches my nose because
whatever happened, it's still tender.
“Well, the good news is your nose isn’t broken, but you're going to be sporting a black eye. He got
you good.”
“Damn right I got him good!” Floyd boasts, punching his gloves together.
I grunt. “You only got that shot in because I was distracted by a beautiful woman.”
Luann looks flustered and seeing her caught off guard, she looks prettier than I remember. When she
came in, there was a hesitancy about her, like she had a wall around her. But when she was helping
me, she had an overwhelming confidence as she took charge of making sure I was okay. I’d heard she
was a nurse, but when she was bending over me, I was impressed.
“Why are you here?” I ask, carefully sitting up and trying not to touch my nose.
“Hey, Champ. Do you have an ice machine? He should ice his nose,” she asks, ignoring my question.
“No, but he can go to the grocery store across the street if he wants a bag of peas,” Champ replies.
I shake my head. “I don't need any of that.”
“You're going to have a massive shiner if you don't,” Luann points out.
The way she's looking at me, I reconsider. It's been a while since I've had a proper black eye. “Yeah,
okay. But only after you tell me what you're doing here.”
“Do I need a reason to be here?” she asks, her guard coming back up.
“No, you don't. It's a public place, but we don't get a lot of pretty women coming through here just
because they’re on their way somewhere else. So, you could say it's unexpected even.” I smile and try
to lighten the tone.
Luann pauses and stands up straight. “I think this was a mistake. It was nice to see you, but I have to
go. Ice your nose unless you want a reminder of that punch you took. And take a couple days off
boxing unless you want to end up visiting me in the ER.”
Without waiting for me to reply, she turns on her heel and rushes out of the gym.
What the hell was that? I can't explain why I'm so upset, but sadness fills me as I watch her leave.
Since that night after Beth's party, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I was knocked out by
the emotions she stirred in me and felt a glimmer of desire to have more than one night with her.
The hope of something more was lost when I found my bed and apartment empty the next morning.
I’ve never been so disappointed at not having a woman next to me when I woke up. Usually, the
morning after is awkward, especially if the woman thinks hot sex is a one-way ticket to a relationship
or marriage, but that morning, it was me who wanted the world from a woman I’d just met.
There was no note and nothing to indicate she’d been there except my memory of her and the
indentation of her head on the empty pillow next to me. I knew I could ask Beth for her number, but
I've done the pre-dawn disappearing act myself so many times and understood that Luann wasn't
expecting anything more. Maybe she didn't want anything more.
So as hard as it was, I stayed away, no matter how much I wanted to wrap her in my arms—not just to
have her in my bed again, but because there was something more drawing me to her. Despite my dad
doing his damnedest to poison me against women, I know you have to trust and respect a woman’s
decision. When Luann disappeared and didn’t contact me, I respected her choice, even though it was
the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Seeing her today, though? Everything I felt during our night together was amplified. I need another
chance with her.
I’m going to break my own rule because now I’ve had another glimpse of her and felt the spark again,
there’s no way in hell I’m going to let her slip through my fingers a second time.
C HAPTER 3
 LUANN

H ey, sis. What's up?”

“Are you busy, Shelly? I could use someone to talk to.”
“Are you okay?” she asks, her voice suddenly serious. “My big sister doesn’t call me asking for
advice. It's usually me doing that with you.”
I take a deep breath. I'm closer to Shelly than almost anyone and I can trust her with this. “I don't
know how to say this other than to say it, Shelly. I'm pregnant.”
“What?” Her voice rises a couple of octaves. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words. I didn't
even know that you were in a relationship.”
“Me neither. And I'm not in a relationship. It was a one-night stand.” I know I shouldn’t feel ashamed,
but I can’t help it.
“Weren't you careful?” Shelly sounds surprised.
I imagine she’s sitting there shaking her head like pigs must be flying that I’m in this situation. “Of
course I was. Shelly, you know me. We used a condom, but it must have broke.”
“Must have broke, my ass!” Shelly laughs dryly. “Sis, I've heard a lot of women say that phrase and
end up pregnant. Usually, because the guy wants to get her pregnant or is too much of a bastard to
wear a condom.”
“This guy wasn't like that.” I shake my head thinking about Caleb. “He may be a lot of things, but he
didn’t give that vibe at all. I don't know if I can trust him with my heart, but I’m pretty sure I can trust
him to be a decent man.”
“What are you going to do?”
This is the hard question I’ve been dreading. I know how much Shelly wants a family, even though she
realizes her boyfriend is lousy and should never be a father. “I haven't decided yet. I might get an
abortion.”
I hear a sharp intake of breath over the phone. Shelly doesn't like the idea of me having an abortion.
Hell, she doesn't like the idea of abortions for anyone.
“You should have the baby,” she says, her voice tense.
“I'm not going to be a single mom.” There's no hesitation in my response. “You saw how it was for
Mom. I don't have any desire to recreate that. She worked two jobs, had no life, and she wasn't happy.
Taking care of us wasn't a cakewalk for her.”
“Yeah,” Shelly admits. “I know what you mean, but it's a baby.”
“Well, it's not a baby yet,” I counter. “It's barely anything except a cluster of cells growing inside me.
I'm not that far along.”
“Have you talked to the father yet?”
I hesitate. “I saw him earlier today, but I chickened out of talking to him.”
“Why?”
“You know how Mom always used to say, ‘Don't expect a man to change because he won't?’ It was
that. This guy has a reputation as a lady’s man. Why would I be enough for him to settle down? We
shared one night. It was hot and it was amazing and it felt like there was a connection, but it was just
sex.”
“Sometimes that's all it takes.” Shelly chuckles. “I mean, look at me and Larry.”
“Are you still dating him?”
“Yeah, I am. He went back to the rig a couple of days ago. I'll be honest, it was hard.”
“Did he hit you again, Shelly? You know you don't have to put up with that. Right?”
“Maybe,” she says, her voice small. “Maybe if I get pregnant that will help things.”
“Shelly, no,” I say emphatically. “He’s the wrong person for you to have a baby with. I know you
want a family, but please, for the love of God, not with him. You need a man who will respect you.”
“I know, I know,” she sighs. “But we’re not talking about me and Larry. We’re talking about you and
your baby.”
I cringe. Shelly’s talking like I’m going to keep it. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t know
what I’m going to do yet.”
“Well, you have to tell him.”
There’s an authority in Shelly’s voice that makes me pause. I know she wants is to be a stay-at-home
mom, but I want more from life. I love being a nurse and it’s not something I plan to give up for a man.
“I think telling him at this point is too much. He doesn’t even know my last name!”
Shelly drumming her fingernails on her kitchen table comes across clearly over the phone.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll make an effort to get to know him a bit to see if something might be there. If I
think there’s a chance, I’ll tell him. Otherwise, I’m not getting a man I don’t know caught up in my life
for the next two decades.”
“You better not chicken out on this, Luann Morgan.”

“HEY, Lucille. What you got for me?” I lean against the nurse’s station expectantly.
“You got a guy in Room Three. Asked for you special.” Lucille winks at me and my stomach knots. I
instinctively reach up to smooth my hair. I brace myself for some guy who’s misconstrued me taking
care of him–aka doing my job–as a sign that I want something more with him. It’s weird, but it
happens. Sometimes people come in and emotionally attach to us, especially if they’re older and
lonely.
“How can I help you—” My words dry up when I see Caleb. I walk over to him and do a quick visual
exam. He looks okay and he’s alert. “Did something happen to you? Are you feeling okay?”
“No and yes. Well, I’m as okay as I can be,” he says, gesturing toward his nose and black eye. “I
came here to see you.”
I stare at Caleb in the treatment room, not believing my eyes. He smiles and my knees feel like they're
going to fold under me. There's something so special about the way he looks at me, and it confuses
everything I think about him and the baby.
"My pride's a little bruised, but I'm okay. I've been icing my eye and my nose. I looked like a fool
sitting there with a bag of peas in the gym, but I did it."
I relax slightly and nod. "That's good. Most people aren't proud of having a black eye as an adult."
"You got that right." He laughs.
"I'm so curious why you were at the gym," he presses. "I'd like to think it was because of me."
I'm silent as I look at Caleb. Can I tell him? Should I tell him? Will it make things worse if I tell him?
What if it turns out he’s passionately anti-abortion? I mean, maybe I don't get an abortion, but I know I
don't want to be a single mom.
"Hold on a second," I tell him. “I'll be right back.”
I quickly head to the nurse’s station and grab Lucille. I know she’s never going to let me hear the end
of this, but I need to have a few minutes to talk to Caleb without interruption.
"Hey, Lucille. Can you cover for me? I need to talk to this guy."
She grins and winks suggestively. "It's quiet. I've got you covered. You do what you need to do."
"Thanks. I owe you one."
"Who said I came to see you?" I ask Caleb once I’m back at the examination room.
"Beth wasn't there, and it didn't look like you wanted to see Champ, so the process of elimination says
you were there to see me. And you and I have history." He smiles in a way that makes me melt.
"Okay. I admit it. I came to see you." The words are easier to say than I thought they would be, but
there’s a growing part of me that doesn’t want to hold back with Caleb. It stuns me, but there’s
something magnetic between us.
"Couldn't stop thinking about me, huh?" He grins and puffs out his chest, clearly pleased at winning
this admission from me.
"Something like that," I say, but then the reality of the situation hits me, and my mood shifts in the
blink of an eye. Just because we have chemistry doesn’t mean either of us wants more from the other
or that he wants to be a dad.
"And why would that be? Have you not been able to forget me?"
I allow myself to smile. "Yeah, I do remember our night together with…fondness."
"With fondness," he repeats. “I remember you with a lot more than fondness.”
He looks at me like I’m the only woman in the world, and liquid desire pools in my core. “Then why
didn’t you look me up?” I challenge, putting my hands on my hips. When he smiles at me again, I don’t
know whether to be angry or turned on.
“You didn’t leave your number. I respect women, and if a woman doesn’t want to be contacted, then
so be it. But you,” he says, hopping off the exam table and closing the distance between us. “You
came looking for me. I consider that an invitation from the most captivating woman I’ve ever met. So,
here I am, looking you up.”
The heat of desire grows in me and I don’t know if it’s my hormones on overdrive or if it’s Caleb.
Even wearing jeans and a buttoned-up flannel shirt, his body exudes strength and power. The memory
of his muscles moving while he was in the ring? I’m going to need a cold shower by the time he
leaves.
“What, pray tell, is your intention in looking me up?” I tease, letting myself relax a little and flirt with
him.
Caleb cups my jaw and kisses me. The kiss takes me by surprise and my heart pounds as I pull him
close, eager to feel his body against mine. He returns my kiss with hunger, and I moan as my hands
roam down his back to cup his firm ass.
“What?” I blink rapidly when he pulls away from me, a shit-eating grin plastered on the lips I still
want to be kissing.
“I thought so. You’re fucking beautiful when you’re turned on.”
I blush so hard it feels like my body is going to burn down to nothing but ashes.
“I’ll take your complete lack of a denial as a confession of your desire.” Caleb pauses, then reaches
for my hand.
Bolts of electric desire dance across my skin and I gulp air, trying to cool myself down. I’m at work!
“You would not be wrong,” I whisper. Everything in my head tells me this I wrong, but my heart tells
me it’s right. Plus, I promised Shelly I’d give him a chance.
“Let me take you out to dinner.”
“Yes.” I nod. I don’t know how he makes me feel everything all at once, but I know more than
anything that I want to see him again.
C HAPTER 4
 CALEB

L uann is wearing a pretty blue dress as she walks into the restaurant, and her blonde hair flows
over her shoulders in a cascade of soft waves. I stand as she comes to the table, happy when
she can’t hide her smile.
“I’m glad you made it.” I try to hide my sigh of relief. I thought she’d come, but part of me wasn’t
sure.
One of the reasons I like Luann is that she keeps me off balance. She’s not one of those women who
say yes to everything and lose themselves in you. Luann is her own woman and is making me work for
it.
As we sit and look over the menus, my stomach turns in knots. I swear I haven't been this nervous
about a woman since I was a teenager and didn't know my ass from my elbow. Luann is the first
woman who made me sad when I woke up the next morning and she was gone. I'd wanted to make her
breakfast, which is something I barely do for myself.
There was an undeniable connection between us that night, and it was something I wanted to explore.
When she was gone in the morning, I figured that was it. Now that I have a second chance, I'm going
to do everything I can to keep her from walking away a second time. One night was not enough. One
lifetime with Luann may not be enough.
"Would you care for a cocktail?" the server asks.
"No, I'll just have water. That's fine,” Luann replies with a polite smile.
"Do you have to work in the morning?" I ask as the server retreats. She’s obviously not a teetotaler.
She nods. "I do."
I can’t get past the feeling she’s holding back from me. It gnaws at me, but I know I’ll drive her away
if I push too hard. "Is there something else? You're like a boxer, dancing away from me now we're in
the ring together."
"To tell the truth, Caleb, I wasn't sure coming out with you tonight would be a good idea." She meets
my gaze across the table.
I respect her honesty. "After the night we shared, I think any time spent together is a good idea." I
reach across the table to take one of her hands in mine, but she pulls it away. Have I made a mistake?
My emotions sober, and I question why she's here. "If you came to see me, and you agreed to come out
with me tonight, why are you pulling away?"
The excitement that was building inside me turns into tension, and it frustrates me.
"It's..." Luann looks at me and pauses. "It's hard for me to say. Why don't you tell me what it is you
like so much about me?"
Luann hesitating is something new for me. I want to break down this wall between us, but I can’t start
unless I know what it is. "You’re smart. You’re good at your job and committed to it. You're friends
with Beth, so that means that you're pretty awesome because we both know Beth doesn't tolerate
fools."
Luann relaxes a little and laughs as she nods. "Yeah, Beth is pretty fierce. She's a good friend."
"Exactly. So if you're in with Beth, I know you're good people. On top of all that, you’re, pardon my
language, fucking gorgeous. Is it too forward of me to ask you on another date?"
"We haven't even gotten our entrees yet." Her eyes twinkle as she laughs. "Isn't that a bit premature?"
"I get the feeling I have to lock you in. Besides, I want a future with you. Something felt incredibly
right the night we were together. I've never experienced that with anyone else. I want you in my life."
The smile falls from Luann's face, but it's not distaste in her eyes when she looks at me. It almost
looks like sorrow.
"I think I need to come out and just say it." Luann puts her hands in her lap and meets my eyes. A fire
blazes in them, and I know whatever she's about to say, it's serious. "I'll start by saying that I enjoyed
our night together as much as it seems you did."
"I'm glad to hear that," I say, breathing a sigh of relief. It’s not a surprise, but it’s still a weight off my
shoulders to hear her admit she was as happy that night as I was.
"I'll also say that there are two really big, really important things you need to know. The first is that
I'm planning on leaving Raytown in the next month. I have a job lined up as a traveling nurse, and my
first stop is San Diego."
Hearing she's about to leave is a sucker punch and takes the wind right out of me. What kind of cruel
fate allows me to meet the woman of my dreams only to discover that she's leaving town? "Can't say
I'm happy to hear that. I was hoping to have a lot more time with you."
She smiles slightly, but that sad look fills her eyes again.
"So what's the other thing?"
"Before I tell you the second thing, why don't we enjoy each other's company a little?"
"That sounds good to me." I lean back in my chair and I tell her about the work I'm doing for Swinton
Construction and how I enjoy building things with my hands.
"So boxing isn't forever for you?" she asks, sipping her water.
"I don't think so," I admit. “I love it. And I love Champ and the gym, but I need something else in my
life, you know? I don't want to get hit too many times in the head and end up not knowing my name and
drooling all over myself."
Luann nods. "That's a good plan. I’ve seen a lot of patients come through the ER with head injuries. If
you can avoid that, it’s in your best interest to do so."
"Thanks," I say, happier than I would have imagined having this bit of approval from her. "Yeah. I've
seen what happens to men who get hit too many times. They either end up mean or something close to
brain dead."
"It sounds like you're settled in Raytown for good." Luann observes me.
Is she asking if I’d follow her? I like her a lot, but is it enough to uproot my life? She’s an amazing
woman, and my mind bounces back and forth, wondering if this is some kind of test. She’s right that
we barely know each other, but there’s a serious undercurrent to our conversation, like how I answer
her questions determines what happens next.
I want to do is gather her in my arms and hold her for as long as she’ll let me. "Looks that way. I
haven't had a reason to consider moving anywhere else. But what about you? Will you be gone for
good, or are you coming back?"
Luann slices into her chicken parmesan. "I assume I'm coming back. To be honest, I don’t want to
leave Raytown, but I haven't found what I need to stay. Does that make sense?"
"I think so. What do you think you need?" Tell me and it’s yours.
"This is a bit awkward." She laughs. “I haven't had a connection with anybody. I'm at an age when I
want to settle down and get married.”
“Let’s get married!” I joke.
Luann chokes on her food and gapes at me, her green eyes wild. I’ve clearly hit a nerve. My mind is
spinning that she’s leaving. The idea makes me want to rage against the world. What cruel fate has
allowed me to find a woman I want in my life, only to discover she’s leaving town?
“What?” she splutters, blinking rapidly. Water nearly spills from her glass as she sips it because her
hand is shaking so badly.
“Sorry. Bad joke.” I backpedal, realizing that was way too much even for a joke. “But I’m serious
about liking you and wanting to spend more time with you.” I’m running out of straws, but I have to
convince her to stay. It was easy to believe my dad when he said all women were a problem, but
during that night with Luann, something deeper opened inside me. Luann is so much more than
someone to fuck and have a little fun with. She’s weaving some kind of spell around me.
“You’re not used to being told no, are you?” Luann’s voice is firm, but the look in her eyes shifts to
amusement.
I lean back in my chair and smile. “No. I’m a prizefighter and I’m used to winning. I see what I want,
and I go after it.”
Luann relaxes and laughs. “I’m starting to get the picture.”
The air eases between us and we talk about the pieces that make up our lives. I tell her more about
working for Leo over at Swinton Construction, and she explains how being a nurse helps her feel like
she’s giving back to the world. As I pay for dinner and we leave the restaurant, the air charges
between us again.
Luann pulls her jacket close around her luscious body as the wind picks up and carries the chill of
fall. My body screams to have her in my bed again. I want to lose myself between her thick thighs and
lick her until she loses her mind and fills my bedroom with her screams of ecstasy.
“So?” Luann’s smile is almost shy like she’s holding back from me.
“I want to kiss you again like I did at the hospital.”
“I wouldn’t say no to that.” She relaxes and smiles, but it’s her turn.
This time, she has to do the work. I can woo her all I want, but she has to show me she wants me as
badly as I need her. “Show me.”
Luann looks at me slowly, running her eyes over me from my feet to my head. For a moment, I worry
she’s going to tease me and leave me hanging, but then she steps forward and wraps her arms around
me. Being this close to her feels as good as winning a title fight. Her kiss is magic and the only place
this night is ending is in my bed. Yet when I try to deepen our kiss, she pulls away, playfully teasing
me.
“That’s a dangerous and bold move, Luann,” I growl, pulling her soft curves tighter against my body.
Then she utters the words I’ve been waiting for all night.
“Caleb, let’s spend the night together.”
C HAPTER 5
 LUANN

I wake up with Caleb's arm tightly wound around me. Oh Lord, I did it again. I can't even
blame alcohol this time, even though I couldn't blame alcohol the first time.
Last night went so differently than I expected. I still don't know what I want to do, but being in
Caleb’s bed and in his arms fills me with a sense of belonging to where I think I might cry from sheer
happiness.
I told him last night that I hadn't found what I wanted in Raytown and that's why I was leaving for a
little while. To say it was shocking when he suggested getting married was the understatement of the
century. If he was any other man, I’d have thought he was trying to trap me–even without knowing
about the baby growing inside me.
Dammit. There’s no avoiding telling him about the baby, and I have a sneaking suspicion that despite
some of the things he’s said, he’d want to step up and be a dad.
But whatever this is between us is what I’ve been looking for. It doesn't make any sense because
we've only seen each other twice, and both times we’ve ended up in bed. Is this lust? Or could it be
something more? My heart wants to find out.
It scares me to think about upending my life for a man. I've been planning to go to San Diego and
travel around the country. I didn't plan on having children, but now? Caleb is overturning everything
in my life and he doesn’t even realize it. In a rush that makes me weak, I know I have to tell him.
There’s a part of me that can see a future with him, one that could include raising a child together.
It's scary to think about that. This isn’t like staying in town to see if we develop a relationship that
may go somewhere. This is like immediately jumping into a serious, forever relationship.
"Hey, gorgeous," Caleb whispers in my ear. His hand rests protectively on my hip, and his fingers
gently stroke the sensitive skin between my hip and my core.
"Hey, yourself," I murmur, turning to face him.
"I think this is progress," he says huskily, leaning in to kiss me.
His kiss is slow and deep. It’s a promise that we have all the time in the world. "How do you mean?"
"It's morning and you're still in my bed." He grins that wicked grin, and it makes me want to do
everything to make him happy.
"That's true," I admit, running my hands over his body. "I do have to get going, though. I have a shift at
the hospital."
"How much time is there between now and then?"
Caleb shifts his body so it's over mine and his thick cock presses against my stomach. My core
quivers and I instinctively arch my back, lifting my body against his. We groan in unison when my
phone beeps.
"I thought you turned your phone off last night."
"I did," I say already reaching for my purse. "But that'll be my sister. I have my phone set up so that
anytime she calls or messages, I get a notification.” I pause. "She has problems with her boyfriend."
"Oh, right. We started that self-defense class. Has she come to that?"
I pick up my phone and see the message from Shelly.
I need you.
Fuck. Maybe this is the point where she'll take the step to turn her life around? She’s sent me enough
of these messages in the past for me to know what’s coming next. Dammit it all to hell that her asshole
boyfriend has his hooks so deep in her. She deserves a loving husband who will give her the world,
and that will never happen with the roughneck who leads her on and uses her as a punching bag.
"Yeah. I was the one who talked to Champ about getting that class set up. Shelly needs to be able to
defend herself. I'm sorry, but I've got to go and talk to her, and then I need to get to work. I wouldn't
mind staying in bed with you this morning and being late to work," I admit, pulling Caleb down and
kissing him deeply. When he grinds against me, it takes all my willpower to pull away.
"Woman, you better get out of my bed or you're going to be late for everything. But take care of your
sister. Family comes first."
I get out of bed and try to find my clothes.
"Family's important to you?' I ask, making sure my dress isn’t inside-out when I put it on.
"It is. I had a shit time with my dad and he was a total bastard, but it taught me what kind of man I
don’t want to be." A dark cloud passes over Caleb’s eyes, making it obvious this is a tender subject
for him.
"Do you want to settle down eventually?" I’m not sure how subtle my questions are, but I have to
know what he wants in life before I tell him about the baby. I don’t want him promising marriage and
forever because he’s thinking of the baby before thinking about how he feels about me.
"Of course I do. You’re the first woman to make me think it’s worth it." Caleb’s voice wavers and the
look of longing he gives me hits me straight in my heart.
The more I’m with him, the more I want to have him in my life permanently. It doesn’t make sense
since we are only just learning about each other, but…there’s something deep inside me warning me
to not fuck this up.
Caleb isn’t the kind of man who says sweet and sexy things just to get a woman in bed. We’ve slept
together twice now, and it’s clear how much he desires me from the enormous erection the thin
blanket fails to conceal. He looks at me with such hunger that it hurts my soul not to get back in bed
with him and forget the rest of the world. It’s like he can't get enough of me–like he may never get
enough of me.
“As much as I want to stay with you,” I lower myself to the bed and give him a long kiss as I run my
fingers through his blond hair, “I have to get going. Can I see you tonight?”
“You can see me anytime you want, Luann Morgan. Text me what you want to do and I’ll be there.”
Emotions surge through me. I don’t know whether they’re from the baby or because of Caleb, but what
I do know is this: when he kisses me goodbye, everything feels different.

“S HELLY, PLEASE.” I try to hide the waver in my voice, but it’s hard, even on the phone.
I’m sitting on the roof of the hospital, at the unofficial break lounge, resting my feet for a few minutes.
It’s been a busy shift, but I needed to talk to my sister. We’re not technically supposed to be up here,
but someone dragged up a couple of chairs and a small table. In the morbid humor of healthcare
workers, we joke that if something happens, we’re already at the hospital.
I know I can’t badger Shelly to leave her asshole boyfriend–I’ve tried, and it made her double down
on “making it work.”
“I know.” Her voice is a whisper, but there’s a resigned tone to it like she’s accepted what she has to
do. “I know it has to end. I missed a week of work because of this black eye.”
I close my eyes and count to ten, biting my tongue so hard I’m surprised it’s not bleeding. “You
remember Beth? Her brother is Champ, the guy who runs the boxing gym.” Now is the best time to
once again suggest a self-defense class. Champ has said that whenever Shelly wants to go there’s a
place for her.
“Yeah, I’ve met her. I haven’t met her brother, though. What about it?”
“I talked to him and he said he’ll teach you self-defense, so you can…” I can’t say the words–they
hurt me as badly as if her boyfriend were beating me, too. “You know. It can help you build
confidence.”
There’s a sharp intake of breath over the phone and I wonder if I went too far. More than anything, I
wish I could turn back time and make it so she never met Larry Chandler. He’s a roughneck who
works out on the oil rig, so at least he’s only around a couple of weeks per month, but it’s also bad
because a couple of weeks away from him isn’t enough for her to get him out of her system and leave
him.
“I don’t need no…”
“Like hell you don’t!” I cut Shelly off, unable to contain my frustration. “Sorry, sis,” I say, softening
my voice. “It’s just…you deserve so much more, so much better. I want to see you happy.”
Shelly sighs into the phone and I hear her breath catch. I wait for her to speak, letting her collect
herself. “You’re right, Lu.”
I wish more than anything I was there with her so I could give her a big hug. I love her more than
anything in the world and it hurts my heart when she’s hurt, especially at the hands of that damn
roughneck who likes to rough her up like that’s the sign of a real man.
“I want to leave him, really I do.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, willing away the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Is leaving Raytown
the right decision? Our mom died in a car accident three years ago, and we don’t have any other
family. Can I leave Shelly here alone? She always says she wants to leave him, but that damn man
reels her back in every time.
“Shelly, I’m here for you. Whatever you need. If you want me to stay…”
“Lu, no! I know how important it is to you. I remember what you’ve been through, too. You need to get
out there and explore. You need to live your life.”
“We’ll see.” My phone vibrates as a text message comes in. Work. “Shelly, I have to run. They’re
calling me back to work. Think about it, okay?”

“WE ARE GOING to miss you so much, Luann!”

“I’m not gone yet, Naomi.” I smile at my work bestie as we sit and rest our feet between patient
visits. When there’s a break in the ER, you have to take it. “Besides, I’ll come back to visit.”
“But you’re going to San Diego. I’ve never even been out of the state, but here you are fixin’ to go
gallivanting all over the country. How are you going to find a husband if you’re moving around all the
time?”
“I’ve got the travel bug. What can I say?” I avoid answering her second question. I take a deep breath
and put words to my fears. “But what if I changed my mind?”
Naomi narrows her green eyes as she looks at me. She knows how much I’ve been looking forward to
going to San Diego and wherever I landed next.
“If you changed your mind for reasons I hope you will share with me,” she stares at me intently, eager
to gossip, “you know you always have a job here.”
We look up as a new patient comes in and a couple of nurses take him to triage.
“The real question is what–or is it a who–would make you change your mind? You’ve been talking
about getting out of Raytown for months, but now you’re on the verge of leaving, you’ve changed your
mind? You’re not one to be flighty or change your mind on a whim.”
“My mind isn’t changed yet.” While Naomi is a close friend, she’s also my boss at the hospital, so I
choose my next words carefully. She would be ultra-supportive if she knew I was pregnant, but
there’s no way in hell I’m going to tell her until I know if I’m keeping it or not. “I may have met
someone.”
“Luann Morgan!” Naomi exclaims, pulling me into an empty examination room. “Who’s the lucky
man?”
I hesitate, not wanting to say much before there’s anything to tell. “It’s not official yet, but you’ll be
the first to know. It’s a little complicated.”
“Oh, I can’t wait to hear all about this! More seriously, are you staying? We’re interviewing new
nurses, but you know we’ll halt that if you want to stay.”
“Can I let you know tomorrow? I’m seeing him tonight.”
“Naomi! Doctor Sanders needs you,” one of the nurses calls to her.
“On my way!” Turning back to me, she adds. “I’m happy for you, Luann. Not just because I didn’t
want to see you go, but because you deserve all the happiness in the world. Whoever he is, he better
realize how special you are.”
I fight back tears as she walks into the ER. I hope tonight goes well as much as she does. It’s scary to
think about it, but I want to give Caleb a chance. I hope he still wants to be with me once he learns
about our baby.
C HAPTER 6
 CALEB

S orry, the place is a mess,” Luann gestures to the boxes in her apartment. “Packing.”
“No problem.” I thought her inviting me to dinner at her place was going to be a sexy night, but seeing
all the full and half-packed boxes makes my heart ache. I don’t want to say goodbye to this woman
and everything in her apartment is a harsh reminder that our time together is limited.
When she looks over her shoulder at me from the kitchen, her smile lights up her face. “You’re just
being kind.”
“Possibly.” I chuckle. “But if seeing you means dodging boxes, I’ll take it. If I’m lucky, I might inspire
you to stay a little longer. Do you want one of these beers?” I take two bottles from the six-pack I
brought over and hold one out to her.
She glances at me and shakes her head. “No, I’m having juice. You have one, though.”
This is the second time she hasn’t had a drink when I was. Could it…? No. She would have told me.
Wouldn’t she?
"Is there something you're not telling me?" I ask, frustration edging into my voice. "If there's
something you're holding back, I would appreciate you being upfront with me. And don’t think I
haven’t noticed that this is the second time you haven’t had a drink."
Luann turns off the stove and turns to face me, putting both her hands on the counter like she needs the
support to steady herself. "Remember how I said there were two things I wanted to see you about?
Well, the other thing is a bit more complicated." She takes a deep breath, closes her mouth and opens
it again like she's trying to find the right words for whatever is clearly eating at her.
"Just come out and say it in the easiest way possible," I urge, hoping to prompt her a little.
"If I'm going to say it that way, then here it is: I'm pregnant."
My body stills as I stare at Luann. "Are you shittin' me? You’re certain it’s mine?"
"I am not, as you say, shitting you, and yes I’m certain it’s yours. I’m not in the habit of sleeping
around or having one-night stands with strangers. I haven’t dated anyone in a while. I've debated
about whether to tell you because, let's face it, we had a one-night stand.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” My voice explodes out of me. I thought we were dancing
around each other because she didn’t want to admit she was attracted to me.
“Because I didn’t know you and I wasn’t sure if telling you would create a problem.”
“What do you mean, create a problem? Who do you think I am?”
“I didn’t know! You have to understand that there are…men in Raytown who aren’t like you. Men
who would try to take away a woman’s choice if they were in your shoes.”
I pause, remembering that her sister is involved with an asshole just like that. “Look, I know what you
mean. Still, do you think you’d have been attracted to me that first night if I was like that?”
“I’d like to hope I wouldn’t have been, but it was a party and we were drunk.”
“We weren’t that drunk, Luann. Don’t hide behind that.”
Luann is silent as she looks at me, then holds out her hands to me. “I’m sorry, Caleb. I really am. I
know this is all a surprise. I knew I needed to talk to you, but that if I did, I had to be prepared that
you’d want the baby.”
“Do you mean what I think? That you were going to have an abortion?” The word is hard to say.
Abortion is something I try to avoid thinking about. On one hand, I think every baby deserves a
chance. On the other hand, more importantly, the choice belongs to the woman. No matter what I think,
I have to respect what Luann chooses. I know from watching my parents that a man trying to force a
woman to be something she’s not will only end in heartbreak and unutterable pain.
Luann nods and speaks quietly. “It was my first reaction, yes. I never expected or wanted to be a
mother. I’m supposed to be leaving for a new job. I know this is a big deal for you to hear, but you
have to realize it’s also a big deal for me, too. I waited to tell you because I had to be sure I liked you
enough to try, and that you liked me enough without having your judgment clouded by obligation. I’m
sorry if it seems manipulative, but can you understand where I’m coming from?”
Even with this bombshell she’s dropped on me, I can understand why she did what she did.
Everything clicks together in my mind and all I see are possibilities for a future—one I never
imagined I’d want, but only because I hadn’t met Luann.
Luann takes my silence as a bad thing. "I don't need anyone who's going to yank my chain and lead me
on."
"Lead you on? I'm not shitting you, Luann. I like you. I liked you when I met you."
"We shared a couple of beers and we fucked." She doesn’t even try to hide her eye roll.
"Is that what you think?" I ask, stunned. "It was more than that for me."
"Oh, come on," she says, shaking her head. "I know you by reputation. Beth is one of my closest
friends, remember?"
"I know I have a reputation. I admit that. And this is going to sound like a line and maybe it's going to
sound corny, but it was different with you."
"Oh, please." She crosses her arms over her chest. "Am I supposed to believe that? What do you want
to do then? Hmm?"
"I want to be a dad." The words come out of my mouth before I have time to think about it and they
shake me to my core. Of all the things she thought I might say, this was clearly not even on her list.
She looks at me like she doesn’t believe me, but I’m as serious as a heart attack.
"Do you? I listened when you told me about your dad."
"That hurts.” I wince, taking a moment so I don’t lash out. I understand she’s uncomfortable and
defensive, but it’s a quick road to nothing if I lose my temper. “Maybe it wasn’t something I planned
on, but I want to learn how and I want to do it with you. I want to be a father. But can we back up a
minute? Why is this so difficult for you to believe?"
Luann looks down at the counter, then longingly at the beer. “Let’s go sit on the couch.”
We move to the couch and sit at opposite ends. I grip the cold beer to have something to do with my
hands. I don’t drink it because I don’t want my mind clouded. Luann and this situation deserve my full
attention.
"This is hard for me. I honestly never expected to have kids. They weren’t part of my plan."
"Why not?"
Luann tells me about how her mom was a single mom and everything she did to support her and her
sister. "It was brutal watching how much she worked for us. She didn't have a life. I never wanted to
be a single mom."
“Okay. Can I have a turn now?” I look at Luann, ready to make my case. When she nods, I say, “I
know I have a reputation and I know you know it, too. Part of why I love you is because you’re still
giving me a chance. You stand up to me and hold your own. You found out you were pregnant and you
came to me. You’re not listening to the rumors—you’re giving me a chance. You believe in me, at
least a little. Let me show you that I believe in you, that I believe in us. I believe we can raise our
child together and with love. My father was wrong about women and I want to prove him wrong–with
you.”
Nothing has ever felt so scary, opening myself up to Luann like this. I know she’s skeptical, but I
wasn’t lying when I said one of the things I love about her is her willingness to give me a chance. I
love that she doesn’t define me by my past, and she’s considering a future with me.
“Caleb.” Luann’s voice is patient, though I hear the hint of strain. She’s not going to make this easy–
and I don’t want her to. “What happens when things get hard?”
“Then we figure it out. I’m not going to run away and leave you hanging, I swear to you. I’m not my
dad and you are not going to have the same life as your mother.” I say this with a force that takes both
of us by surprise.
“But what do we have, Caleb? What do we have?” Defeat creeps into Luann’s voice, and I realize
she expected me to bail the moment I heard about the baby.
“I want to be more than a father to our baby. I want to be your partner, your husband. Let me prove it
to you. What do we have? We have each other.”
Luann tenses and I don’t know what to say. She’s clearly scared and all my attempts to reassure her
are falling flat. She grabs a throw pillow and holds it tightly.
“It’s true we have a long way to go to know each other, but I’m all in. I’m not good with words. I’ve
only ever been good at being physical and thinking on my feet. Everything in my soul tells me you’re
the woman I want to be with. I will fight to win your heart.” When I see she doesn’t believe me, I
continue. “Dammit, Luann. You’re a prize, one I want to fight for and win.”
Suddenly, her expression softens. “This is big, Caleb. You realize that, right?”
I finally feel like I’ve said the right thing and convinced her to give me a chance. “Absolutely I do.
This is big for me, too. I never thought I’d meet a woman who made me want to settle down, and I’ve
gone out of my way to not knock a woman up.”
A slight smile plays on Luann’s full lips and her laughter lights me up with happiness. “Best-laid
plans, huh?”
I go to Luann and put my arms around her. “There’s no one else I’d rather have carrying my baby.
Luann, it’s you. I will stand by you and do right by you, and I will love you with every breath I take.”
Luann places her hands on my hips and looks into my eyes. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but here
goes. Caleb, I like you and it’s obvious there’s a spark between us.”
My heart cheers, but then she holds up a hand to prevent me from saying anything.
“But. I can’t agree to marry you based on a couple of rolls in the hay and a date, no matter how good
all those things were. The best I can offer you is this: I can postpone San Diego. The hospital won’t
like it, but whatever. I know I can get more work here, so that’s not a problem. In the meantime, we
spend the next month figuring things out and making sure this can work. Are you with me so far?”
I nod instantly. I want more from her, but I understand that to get there from here, I have to respect
Luann and the rules she needs to lay down.
“I’m glad,” she says, her eyes watchful. “This final part is the biggest piece, and it’s a dealbreaker if
you say no.”
“Okay.” My heart races in my chest. I want her so bad it hurts.
“If we find it doesn’t work, you have to accept whatever decision I make,” she says, placing her hand
on her stomach and looking at it.
Luann is quiet and I understand what she means. I don’t fucking like it at all, not one goddamn bit, but
I know I can’t force her to have my baby. Truth be told, I want to have the baby with her only if she
wants to. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who doesn’t want me in her life. The only fighting
I need in my life is what takes place in a boxing ring.
I take a deep breath and nod. I’ve never felt so emotionally exposed in my life, but Luann is worth
opening up for. “I accept this. I’m going to show you that this, you and me, is real.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” Luann smiles and my soul fills with hope.
It’s going to be a challenging and intense month, but Luann and our child are worth it.
“I’ll hold you for as long as you’ll let me,” I tease, reaching for her hands. I never want to let her go.
C HAPTER 7
 LUANN

I let Caleb take my hands in his and my heart fills with a contentment I didn’t think I’d ever
feel. We have a long way to go in the next month, but the spark of something intense building
between us.
“Are we back to this again, huh?” I ask, smiling as he scoots across the couch so our bodies are
touching.
We sit and look at the mess that is my living room. My emotions rise and fall rapidly, and this time I
know it’s because of Caleb. It’s scary to commit to changing things for a month, but deep inside, I
know it’s the right choice. My heart tells me that Caleb is the man he’s presenting himself as and the
man I need him to be for our child.
“If you want me to leave…” Caleb teases, starting to stand.
“Don’t you dare!” I call out, not letting go of his hand and pulling him to me. “I’m starting to get used
to this. I like it. I like you, too, a lot.”
“I like you more than a lot, Luann Morgan.” Caleb’s voice is husky and serious, and my heart flutters
as he kisses me again. The voices holding me back from the possibility this could be real and could
work, are silenced a little more with each kiss.
I pull away from him and look at the boxes surrounding us. “Oh, shit.”
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Caleb pushes my hair behind my ear.
The sweet gestures makes me realize that this is what I’ve been looking for. “All my stuff. It’s all
packed up. I’m supposed to be out of here in ten days.” When Caleb looks at me and raises an
eyebrow in question, I add. “I was going to stay with my sister the last couple of weeks before I left.
She was going to store the few things I want to keep, plus she has an extra bedroom.”
“Stay with me.” Caleb’s voice is confident. “You’re giving me a month, so we should go all in.”
I consider this, reaching out to run my fingers through his blond hair. He has a point. I’m already
feeling pretty sure about him, but all my friends have said you get to know someone for real when you
live with them, so this makes sense.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I say as I look in his blue eyes, “but yes. Let’s do it. It might get a
little crowded at your place, though.”
“That’s not a problem. We’re both busy with work, and I have a match coming up. We’ll mostly be
there at night.” He pulls me close and I lean into him, letting his scent comfort me. “We make it to a
month, and we’ll work out something better suited for the three of us.”
Caleb places his hand on my stomach and love surges through me. It’s mind-boggling that a week ago,
I couldn’t imagine we’d be here like this, talking about a future, and that I’d give serious
consideration to keeping the baby. Shelly is going to be floored.
“Now, show me this bed of yours, so we can test it out and see which one we want to keep.” Caleb
stands from my couch and his jeans are straining against his erection.
A fresh wave of hormones crashes over me and suddenly all I want to do is be naked and ride him
like my life depends on it.
We make it to my bedroom and Caleb takes his time undressing me. After he lifts my shirt over my
head, he kneels in front of me. He kisses my stomach with such tenderness and reverence that I know
he’ll always be in my life.
Caleb pulls my skirt over my hips, groaning as he buries his face in my core. I moan as he licks at me,
sparking a fire that makes me squirm with hungry desire. His tongue teases at my swollen clit, making
me arch against him.
“I think we need to get in bed.” My voice wavers with breathlessness as I reach down and tilt his
head to me. I’m consumed with the need for our bodies to lock and rock together as we make love.
“As you command, sweetheart.” Caleb stands in front of me and pushes his jeans off, his thick cock
pointing directly at me.
I bite my lip as I take him in my hand, enjoying the warm hardness as my fingers stroke him.
Caleb pushes into my hand, his breathing jagged. “See what you do to me?”
“A girl could get used to this,” I tease, brushing my mouth against his.
I love how he groans into my mouth and his tongue searches for mine. Our tongues tangle as we fall
into bed. I push him down and straddle his hips, my blazing hot core rubbing against him like a cat in
heat.
“And I could get used to this.” His hands find my breasts and pinch at my nipples as I guide him into
me. I wince as I take him, but immediately expand to fit him, just like my heart expands as we make
promises to fit our lives together.
I slowly rock my hips back and forth, enjoying the delicious friction each time his cock hits my g-
spot. Caleb writhes below me, his eyes wild as he watches me ride him. His muscles glisten with
sweat as we move together, and I brace my hands against his chest as I bounce my hips up and down,
alternating fast and slow strokes up and down his cock.
Caleb wraps his arms around me and flips me over, his cock still buried deep inside me. “I love you
on top, but you drive me crazy.”
I lock my ankles around his back and open myself so Caleb can drive himself deeper into me, filling
me up and making me moan. We lock eyes as our bodies thrash together and he plunges into me faster
and faster, his body shaking over mine.
“Are you close?” he asks, his voice jagged. “I can’t hold back much longer.”
He lifts his body over mine and I reach a hand between us, fingering my clit as I grind my hips against
him. My slick fingers work my clit and stars explode in front of my eyes as my orgasm begins to
break, spreading wave after wave of undiluted pleasure through my body.
“I’m coming!” I slide my fingers into his mouth and he sucks at them as he pounds into me, my core
clenching at him and sending him over the edge.
“Luann!” Caleb cries out my name and pushes deep inside me.
I lift my hips, still hungry to feel him moving inside me. He thrusts again, chanting my name and
wrapping his arms around me so we’re chest to chest as we move in unison. He shakes violently in
my arms, and then our bodies quiet as we roll over and look at each other with massive grins on our
faces.
Caleb leans to me and gently kisses the tip of my nose. He runs his fingers through my damp hair and
pulls me to him so he can kiss my mouth. The taste of me lingers on his tongue and a shiver of desire
runs through me again.
“Luann,” Caleb says, his voice serious as he looks deep into my eyes. “I love you. I know it’s early,
but I just fucking know. I love you.”
My heart trembles with love for Caleb and tears of happiness prick at my eyes. “I think I love you,
too, Caleb.”
“Think?” he asks in mock-outrage. “I guess I have my work cut out for me.”
Caleb kisses me again, his hand protectively holding my belly where our future child is growing, and
I know that saying yes to Caleb is the best thing I’ve done in my life.
 EPILOGUE

“Happy housewarming! You certainly found yourself a good man,” Ginger says, wrapping her arm
around my shoulders as we watch Caleb telling some elaborate story to her husband, Kent, his boss,
Leo, and a bunch of guys from the gym.
I rub my swollen belly and nod. “I sure did. I was so certain he wasn’t this kind of man, but he’s
surprised me.”
Ginger looks at me knowingly. “Did I or did I not tell you to talk to him and give him a chance?”
“You did,” I admit. “My sister did, too. I have both of you to thank for everything good in my life.”
“How’s she doing?” Concern fills Ginger’s eyes. She’s known my sister and me for years, and she
knows a little about what Shelly has gone through with her boyfriend.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. She says she’s kicked that jerk out for good, but I don’t know. She’s changed
the locks and is talking about moving, so I’m hoping this time is different.” I mentally cross my fingers
for my sister. She deserves every happiness in the world, but she has lousy luck with men.
“If she needs a change of scenery, she’s always welcome to come out to San Diego and stay with Kent
and me. We have a guest room begging to be used.” Ginger squeezes me and I lean my head against
her. “We could even help her find a job or place to stay if she wanted to try living there. The
weather’s great.”
“Thanks. You’re a good friend.” It’s reassuring to have friends like Ginger and Kent you can rely on
when times are tough. Plus, nearly all of Kent’s friends are military and none of them take kindly to
men who hit women, so I know she’d have a group of bodyguards willing to look out for her.
“I also have a military husband who knows…men who wouldn’t think twice about paying a visit to
this lowlife and instructing him on how to treat a woman.”
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped for someone to do this to Shelly’s hopefully ex-boyfriend.
Violence isn’t the answer to anything, but there’s no denying that some people only learn by violence,
especially those who dole it out to people weaker than themselves.
“I know. That’s not my decision to make, though.” I hold up my hands. I learned a long time ago that
you can only offer so much advice or help before you have to wait for the other person to listen or
take action on their own. As much as I love my sister, she has to take the lead in her life.
“Well, the offer still stands. But how about you show me around this new place of yours? We should
be celebrating!”
“Oh my God. Isn’t it amazing? I don’t know how we’ve made it this long in Caleb’s shoebox
apartment, but he said he had something he was working on. I had no idea he meant this. The house
still needs a few finishing details, but…we’re nearly settled in already. It’s like he looked inside my
head and knew exactly what my dream house would look like.”
I look across the room and see Caleb looking at me. He mouths the word happy and I nod, tears
filling my eyes. I love you I mouth back to him. Ginger and I head into the kitchen, which is my
second-favorite room in the new house.
“This kitchen is to die for! And this whole thing was a total surprise to you?” Ginger’s eyes are full
of awe as she looks at me.
“Yeah, it was.” I smile, feeling pride that my heart was right about Caleb. “Leo – that’s his boss – has
a policy of building houses at a little over cost for his employees. Caleb had a nest egg from his fight
winning, and,” I wave my hand around, “he built me a home.”
“That reminds me of how Kent helped me rebuild my kitchen when I couldn’t find a contractor for
love or money.”
“We sure are lucky.”
“Who’s lucky?” Kent joins us in the kitchen, leaning over to kiss Ginger.
“The both of us. Not to mention you men are lucky to have us, too!” Ginger teases, wrapping her arm
around Kent’s waist and placing her hand on his chest.
Kent grins as he rubs her back. “Truer words were never spoken. Now tell me, Luann,” he says,
giving his attention to me, “when are you two going to come visit us in San Diego? I’m sure Ginger
told you we have a guest room.”
“She did. I’ll have to check with Caleb. He has another fight coming up, and the baby is due to arrive
in ten weeks.” I rub my hand over my stomach when I feel our son kick. “It may have to be after this
nugget is born and everything settles down a little. It may be a while.”
“Well, whenever the timing works out, you’re always welcome to visit. We’d love to host you,” Kent
says, tipping his beer bottle at me. “Ginger is always talking about how she’s sad you’re not going to
be in our city, working at the hospital.”
Ginger nudges Kent in the ribs. “And then I say she has the best reason for staying in Raytown.
Finding love and creating a home is the most important thing in life.”
“It sure is,” Caleb says, coming up from behind me and kissing the side of my neck. “I recognized she
had a wandering spirit, but I took a gamble that if I gave her a reason to stay and built her a home,
she’d want to settle down forever.”
Love fills me as I look at my man. “You know me too well, Caleb, and you were right. You
completely won my heart.”
“I always win!” Caleb jokes, puffing out his chest. “I’m a prizefighter, remember. I see the prize, and
I fight until I win it.” He nuzzles my hair and whispers in my ear, “You’re the prize Luann. Don’t ever
forget how much I love you and our son.”
“I love you, too.”

“Let’s go to my favorite room,” I say, leaning against Caleb as the last of our guests finally leaves. It’s
been wonderful to see everyone, especially Ginger and Kent who came out from San Diego, but it’s
been a long day and I need time alone with my man to recharge.
“As you wish. You head up. I’ll get the dishwasher started.”
Not for the first time, I thank my lucky stars I was pushed to talk to him and give him a chance.
Everything in my life clicked into place the moment we agreed to try things for a month. I’d wanted to
make sure we could fit our lives together, but what happened was an amazing synchronicity.
Everything was smooth and each day was better than the last. It took me a while to realize that was
how life was instead of wondering when the other shoe would drop and things would change.
The only change is that everything continues to get better day by day. Caleb may be a boxer, but we
never fight. He’s supportive of my choices and goes out of his way to give me what I need and ensure
I’m happy. He’s fiercely protective and loyal, and for the first time in my life, I trust a man with my
body and soul.
As I change out of my clothes and into a pair of leggings and an old sweatshirt, I crawl into bed and
pick up the mystery novel I’ve been working on for weeks.
“There’s my sweetheart,” Caleb says, grinning as he comes into our bedroom. “Today was a
success.”
“It was.” I snuggle into the warmth of his strong body as he lies next to me on the bed. “Thank you.
And thank you for this house. This is more than I could have hoped for.”
“I’m glad I could surprise you. I knew as soon as we made the month mark that I wanted to do
something special for you. Plus, I knew we couldn’t stay in my apartment for much longer,
especially,” he leans down and kisses my heavily pregnant belly, “with our son on the way. Leo was a
rock and made sure we got done before the baby comes.”
“We’re blessed in so many ways.”
“And I’ll be blessed if you take off that sweatshirt and let me see those pregnant boobs,” Caleb
whispers, cupping my heavy breasts and fondling them.
He’s been obsessed with them since they started swelling because of the pregnancy. Before him, I
always felt like I had to try and make myself smaller when I dated a man, but Caleb loves me exactly
as I am and supports me in anything and everything I want.
“Anything you want, Caleb. I want you to be as happy as you make me. I love you so much.” I
awkwardly sit up and pull my sweatshirt over my head, tossing it on the chair by the bathroom.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” Caleb caresses my breasts and lowers his mouth to them.
Currents of pleasure zip through me as he lavishes attention on my sensitive nipples, and I’m instantly
wet and hungry for him.
“Have I mentioned how much I love you, Caleb?” I caress his head and work my fingers under the
collar of his shirt. “Because I love you with all my heart and I will forever.”
“I love you, too, Luann. You’re my prize and I’ll fight forever to keep you happy. Forever.”

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Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Dagboek eener
reize ter walvisch- en robbenvangst, in de jaren
1777 en 1778 door Hidde Dirks Kat
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where
you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Dagboek eener reize ter walvisch- en robbenvangst, in de jaren

1777 en 1778 door Hidde Dirks Kat

Author: Hidde Dirks Kat

Release date: May 17, 2022 [eBook #68111]

Language: Dutch

Original publication: Netherlands: DE WED. A. LOOSJES Pz, 1818

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DAGBOEK

EENER REIZE TER WALVISCH- EN ROBBENVANGST, IN DE
JAREN 1777 EN 1778 DOOR HIDDE DIRKS KAT ***
 Dagboek
eener
reize
ter
walvisch- en
robbenvangst,

gedaan in de jaren 1777 en 1778

door
den kommandeur

Hidde Dirks Kat

met eene kaart van Groenland

Wat zeeman, die de kiel naar ’t barre Noorden stuurde,
Bestond er ooit op aard’, die zooveel ramps verduurde
Als KAT, die fiere KAT, die ’s lijdens beker heeft
Tot aan den boôm geleêgd, en toch, God dank! nog
leeft?
Voorberigt.
Dagboek gehouden door den kommandeur Hidde Dirks Kat.
Vervolg mijner reize. 1778.
Naberigt.
 Voorberigt.
De uitgever van dit Dagboek vond het na de lezing zoo belangrijk,
dat hij den Heer Kommandeur HIDDE DIRKS KAT, thans een
zeventigjarig grijsaard, die den avondstond zijns merkwaardigen
levens op het eiland Ameland slijt, verlof vroeg, om het door den
druk gemeen te mogen maken. Zijn Ed. vond daarin geene
zwarigheid; vooral, daar ik zijn Ed. te kennen had gegeven, dat
zoowel de meer bejaarden als het opkomend geslacht er welligt nut
uit zouden kunnen trekken; te meer wanneer men zich ook
verledigen wilde, om, ten dienste der scholen dit verhaal zoo te
wijzigen, dat het een Leesboek voor de jeugd vormde. Tot dat einde
zou het, mijns inziens, ook eene zeer doelmatige strekking hebben.
Als waarachtig verhaal verdient het niet alleen, om de hoogst
merkwaardige en zeldzame ontmoetingen, welke daarin voorkomen,
de aandacht van leergierige ouden en jongen, maar heeft het, na de
lezing, de eigenaardige kracht, dat het niet, gelijk zoovele andere uit
het onuitputtelijk rijk der hersenschimmen in het rijk der
wezenlijkheid overgevoerde en de op nieuwigheden van allerlei aard
azende menigte verrukkende droomen, in rook en damp verdwijnt,
maar als geschiedverhaal van daadzaken voortduurt en lessen en
wenken bevat, die zoo lang van waarde zullen zijn, als de
Zeevarende Natiën, en met name ons Vaderland, het van haar
belang zullen rekenen, om bronnen, waaruit weleer zoo aanzienlijke
rijkdommen opwelden, niet te doen opdroogen, maar zich, op het
voetspoor van onvermoeid werkzame en stoutmoedige voorgangers,
geene geringe schatting te doen betalen van de gedrogtelijke
bewoners des IJs-oceaans. Geschiedverhalen van dezen stempel
hebben bovendien voor den mensch, hij zij oud of jong (want op dit
punt heerscht er bij ouden en jongen groote overeenkomst) iets
bijzonder aantrekkelijks. Het avontuurlijke, weet men, valt in veler
smaak. Zij zullen daarom dit stuk bij voorkeur willen lezen—en
tevens dingen leeren, die in het rijk der wezenlijkheid t’huis
behooren, waarvan sommige misschien, te avond of morgen, partij
zullen kunnen trekken. Op onze eilanden en aan onze zeekusten, ja
rondom op den vaderlandschen bodem ontbreekt het niet aan
jongelingen, die het warme hoekje van den haard wel gaarne eens
met de frische lucht aan de kusten van Groenland, Straat Davids en
Spitsbergen willen verwisselen, als er maar geld bij te verdienen valt.
—’t Is waar, dit Dagboek behelst meer eene aaneenschakeling van
ongelukken en daarmede gepaard gaande zeer zeldzame
Lotgevallen dan wel een kort overzigt van hetgeen tot de Walvisch-
en Robben-vangst behoort. Wanneer men dit hier meende te
ontmoeten, zoude men zich te leur gesteld vinden. Maar er komen
zaken in voor, die de Jeugd tot dit weleer zoo gewigtig vak van
nationale nijverheid opleiden, er worden ontmoetingen, gevaren,
redmiddelen en uitkomsten in beschreven, die hem, die deze
wateren eens wil bevaren, grootelijks te stade kunnen komen; er
heerscht, om mij zoo eens uittedrukken, een ouderwetsche geest
van mannelijke kloekmoedigheid, onvermurwde standvastigheid,
ongeverniste Godsvrucht en geheel opregt en eenvoudig vertrouwen
op God en zijnen alvermogenden bijstand in, die der jeugd en ook
elken leeftijd nimmer zigtbaar genoeg voor oogen gesteld of te diep
in het hart geprent kunnen worden, vermits deze loopbaan zich door
ontelbare moeijelijkheden en gevaren henen kronkelt, die alleen de
man, wiens borst met het driedubbel erts van ware Godsdienstigheid
beslagen is, onverschrokken onder de oogen kan zien.—Het ware
misschien niet ondienstig der jeugd een Leesboek in handen te
geven, waarin zij zich, op eene doelmatige wijze, tot deze
belangrijke taak zou kunnen voorbereiden. Zoo de uitgever daartoe
eenen genoegzaam bemoedigenden wenk ontving, zou hij zich
daartoe (spaart God hem in het leven) gaarne in zijne snipperuren
willen verledigen (hoe weinig dit vak van wetenschap ook tot den
omtrek zijner eigenlijke Letteroefeningen behoort), aangezien hij zijn
vaderland te lief heeft, om niet met de grootste bereidvaardigheid,
ten minste eenen enkelen steen aan het gebouw van deszelfs
herlevenden welstand in dit vak van industrie te leggen. Om het
oorspronkelijke niet te verminken, is er hier en daar slechts een
weinigje aan den stijl gevijld en de spelling naar de thans gewettigde
gewijzigd. Gemakkelijk had de uitgever het in eenen dramatischen
vorm kunnen gieten; doch dit had niet dan ten koste der eenvoudige
waarheid kunnen geschieden, welke het blanketsel der kunst niet
behoeft, maar in een eenvoudig gewaad, zoo als de brave
Kommandeur dezelve heeft ingekleed, altoos het meest behaagt.
Dat ouden en jongen hier iets nuttigs mogen vinden, is de
hartelijke wensch van den Schoolopziener van het 3de District in
Vriesland, die zich met de uitgave belastte.

M. M.

1817.
 Dagboek
gehouden
door den kommandeur
Hidde Dirks Kat.
In den jare 1777, den 5 Maart, zeilde ik met de Brik de Jufvrouw
Klara, bestemd ter Walvisch- en Robbenvangst, en bemand met 38
koppen, van de stad Hamburg naar Groenland, voor rekening van
den Heer Boekhouder DAVID HENDRIK REWOEL, te Hamburg.
Op den 7den ligtte ik het anker op de Elve, liep in zee, en zeilde
met eenen gunstigen wind en goed weêr tot den 13den, op welk
tijdstip wij, na in goeden staat de Noordzee te zijn doorgezeild, met
eenen gunstigen wind Hitland voorbijstevenden, vervolgens de reize
voortzetten en op den 5 April (No 1.) voor het Westijs van Groenland
op 71 graden 30 minuten Noorder Breedte aankwamen, bij welk ijs
wij ons tot den 30sten ophielden, vangende op hetzelve 30 vaten
robbespek.
Den 1sten Mei geene robben meer kunnende vangen, zetten wij
met verscheidene schepen de reize om de Noord door het ijs voort,
koers houdende op Spitsbergen, en kwamen den 13 Mei (No 2.) op
75 gr. 30 min. N.B. tegen het Zuidijs; op den 17den (No 3.) raakten wij
met verscheidene schepen door hetzelve heen op 78 gr. 30 min.
N.B., en, van daar om de West zeilende, kwamen wij op den 26sten
aan de Westijsvelden; hier werden door verscheidene schepen
eenige Walvisschen gevangen. Vervolgens geraakten wij van den
koers af, dreven op goed geluk heen en maakten nu en dan de
schepen aan de ijsvelden of schotsen vast.—Op den 1 Julij (No 4.)
bevonden wij ons op 72 gr. 30 min. N.B. In dien tusschentijd vingen
wij eenen Walvisch van 30 vaten spek. Nu eens dreven wij met 27
schepen in getal in het ijs, dan bevonden wij ons weêr tusschen het
ijs op vrij water. Sommige schepen vingen toen nog eenige
Walvisschen. Tot den 4den dreven wij onophoudelijk sterk om de
Zuid-west, uit hoofde van den stroom en den harden wind uit het
Noord-oosten. Tot hiertoe zagen wij geen land, drijvende bestendig
met het ijs om de Zuid-west tot den 12den. Toen geraakten wij met 27
schepen sterk in het ijs bezet, en hadden 3 a 4 dagen zwaren storm
uit het Noord-oosten en geen gezigt wegens den dikken mist tot den
16den (No 5.).—Toen opende zich de lucht en kregen wij de kust van
Gale-Hamkes, op eenen afstand van 10 a 12 mijlen, ten Noord-
westen, in het gezigt. Wij zagen toen nog 27 schepen rondom ons en
dreven sterk om de Zuid-west. Het weêr bedaarde. Van 16 Julij tot 1
Augustus geraakten eenige schepen uit ons gezigt. In dien
tusschentijd vingen wij nog eenen kleinen Walvisch in gemeenschap
met Kommandeur HANS PIETERS. Voorts dreven wij zonder ophouden
door den sterken stroom en wind uit het Noord-oosten om de Zuid-
west tot den 6 Augustus (No 6.). Toen geraakten eenige schepen uit
ons gezigt, van welke eenige met een gedeelte van het volk vergaan
zijn. Wij bleven met 5 schepen in het ijs ingesloten, liggende aan een
klein ijsveld vast gemaakt, te weten Kommandeur HANS PIETERS,
PIETER ANDERSEN, HANS CHRISTIAAN JASPERS, ALBERT JANS en HIDDE
DIRKS KAT, alle vijf met Hamburger schepen. Dit was op 68 gr. 30 min.
N.B. Hier zagen wij het land niet meer, maar niets dan ijsbergen,
welke, met de toppen in de wolken, het land bedekken. Men kan
dezelve wel 16 a 18 mijlen ver zien. Even zoo vond ik naderhand het
land op 62 gr. 30 min. N.B. in de Straat Davis benoorden Kaap
Vaarwel. Van den 6den tot den 16den dreven wij door den sterken
Noord-oosten wind en den stroom met het ijs om de Zuid-west. Tot
den 18den werkte het ijs geweldig door malkander, hetwelk te midden
van den storm afgrijsselijk was te aanschouwen. In dien
schrikbarenden toestand werden de schepen van Kommandeur
PIETER A NDERSEN en ALBERT JANS door het ijs verbrijzeld. De
manschap redde zich op het ijs, wordende een gedeelte van den
leeftogt door dezelve geborgen. Wij verdeelden de manschap met
den leeftogt op de drie overgeblevene schepen, welke nabij de
verongelukte in het ijs beklemd lagen, op ieder van welke zich nu 78
zielen bevonden. Dit gebeurde op 67 gr. N.B. Nadat wij van de 5, 2
schepen verloren hadden, dreef het Walvisch-spek en de Traan om
ons heen, op welker reuk de Beeren in menigte af kwamen, waarvan
wij eenige dood schoten, die door het volk van de twee bij ons zijnde
schepen, wegens gebrek aan leeftogt, werden ingezouten. De
zoodanige, die er dadelijk van aten, vonden dit vleesch niet
onsmakelijk, maar na verloop van twee dagen, ging hun het vel in
den mond en van de tong als mede op andere plaatsen van het
ligchaam en van handen en voeten af. Volgens het oordeel van
Koopman ANDREAS OELZEN had men het, vóór het inzouten, ter deeg
moeten laten uitvriezen, alsdan zoude het een onschadelijk voedsel
zijn geworden. De Beeren veroorloofden ons niet, om gedurende den
nacht van het een tot het ander schip te gaan en verlieten ons niet,
vóór dat wij van het omdrijvende spek verwijderd waren. Voorts
dreven wij met onze drie in het ijs bezette schepen gedurig om de
West tot den 24 Augustus (No 8.). Toen konden wij uit den top van
den mast het eiland IJsland zien en tevens de vrije zee, hetwelk ons
hoop gaf, dat wij met onze schepen dit eiland zouden kunnen
bereiken, in gevalle het ijs van elkander mogt trekken. Op dit tijdstip,
waarin de hoop klein begon te worden, kwam ik zeer dikwijls bij
mijnen vriend, den Kommandeur HANS PIETERS, een man van 67
jaren, die aan eene scorbutieke ziekte krank te bedde lag, om met
denzelven over de mogelijkheid, om het eiland IJsland te bereiken, te
raadplegen. Deze had insgelijks weinig hoop, gevoelende tevens zijn
sterfuur naderen. Bij vollen verstande beklaagde hij ons, daar wij in
de kracht des levens in zulk eenen naren toestand verkeerden;
“Doch,” zeide hij, “God is magtig! Hij zal nog wel eenigen onzer in het
leven sparen, om deze gewigtige gebeurtenis aan de
nakomelingschap medetedeelen. Hetgeen ons te beurt valt, is niet
zonder wijze bedoeling der Voorzienigheid. Welligt kan het nog van
dienst zijn voor menschen, die naderhand in soortgelijke
omstandigheden komen te verkeeren.” Hij moedigde mij overigens
sterk aan, om, bijaldien onze drie schepen vergingen, vooral goeden
moed en raad te houden, de scheepssloepen, zooveel mogelijk, in
goeden stand te brengen en van leeftogt te voorzien.
 Ik legde mijne scheepskaart op het bedde van den kranken HANS
PIETERS, en raadpleegde met hem in zijne jongste oogenblikken.
“Kommandeur KAT,” zeide hij, “houd goeden moed en gedenk aan
mijne gezegden! Poog, is het mogelijk, daar wij IJsland reeds
voorbijdrijven, bij den hoek van Straat Davis, Statenhoek genaamd,
te landen.” Hierop stierf hij welgemoed op den 3 September. Niet lang
daarna werd zijn schip verbrijzeld.—Van 24 tot 30 Augustus (No 9.)
werden wij zeer sterk door stroom en wind om de Zuid-west
gedreven, zijnde bestendig ingesloten door het ijs met eene zware
deining of hooggaande zeeën, zoo dat wij ieder oogenblik vreesden
met man en muis te zullen vergaan, dat God tot hiertoe nog
verhoedde.
Van 30 Augustus tot 6 September (No. 10.) stevenden wij tusschen
het eiland IJsland en het vaste land van Nieuw-Groenland door, op
eenen afstand van 14 mijlen van den wal, van rondom met ijs bezet.
De drie schepen waren bij elkander. Het woei een orkaan uit het
Noord-oosten. Van rondom was de werking van het ijs onbeschrijfelijk
wreed en schrikbarende. Wij zagen elk oogenblik den dood te
gemoet. Dit viel voor op 66 gr. N.B. Wij zagen toen noch
Walvisschen, noch Robben (of Zeehonden), noch gevogelte meer. Dit
duurde van den 6den tot den 8sten September op gelijke
schrikbarende wijze voort. Toen bedaarde het weêr, en wij dreven
sterk langs de kust (of de ijsbergen) heen in eene Zuid-westelijke
rigting op eenen afstand van 14 mijlen, terwijl wij het land in het
gezigt hadden. De wind woei bestendig uit het Noord-oosten tot den
24 September (No 11.).—Toen konden wij van het dek de opene zee
aanschouwen, hetgeen ons hoop gaf, om uit het ijs te komen. Onze
schepen waren tot heden in eenen tamelijk goeden toestand en van
leeftogt voorzien; doch vermits stroom en wind dezelfde streek
hielden, opende het ijs zich niet, zoo dat onze schepen bestendig
door het ijs ingesloten en nu en dan in hetzelve beklemd waren. Dit
duurde tot den 29 September (No 12.) wanneer zich een geweldige
storm uit het Noord-oosten verhief. Wij bevonden ons toen eene mijl
ver van de opene zee. Onze 3 schepen bleven gedurende denzelven
zoo goed als onbeschadigd. Maar op den 30sten September (No 13.),
toen de wind allengs begon aftenemen, werden onze 3 schepen door
de geweldige werking der hooggaande zeeën (deining) tusschen het
ijs ingedrongen, en door deszelfs ontzettende stooten in één
oogenblik verbrijzeld. De masten buitelden op het ijs. Elk zocht op de
best mogelijke wijze lijfsberging op de woedende schotsen. Na het
vergaan van onze schepen, hadden wij het geluk van een gedeelte
van onzen leeftogt bij ons op het ijs te bergen. Ook redde ik zeven
sloepen. Hier stonden wij in dezen angstvollen toestand onder den
blooten kouden hemel, zonder schuilplaats, 21 mijlen ver van land op
het ijs, in zee, op 64 gr. N.B. Het land was uit ons gezigt. Wij
bevonden ons naar gissing 80 mijlen ten Westen van het eiland
IJsland. Ik en Kommandeur HANS PIETERS bevonden ons met onze
schepen, toen dezelve vergingen, digt bij elkander en Kommandeur
H.C. JASPERS was twee mijlen verder landwaarts van ons. In dit
tijdstip werd diens schip ook verbrijzeld, nemende hij de vlugt naar
het schip van Kommandeur KLAAS J. KASTERKOM, hetwelk, schoon
buiten ons gezigt, door hem gezien kon worden. Twee sloepen met
12 man bleven bij het verongelukte schip van H.C. JASPERS, welke
daar verongelukten. Kommandeur KASTERKOM bevond zich op zijn
schip met 286 man, toen het bij Statenhoek verging. Van dit getal zijn
slechts eenige te regt gekomen, alle de overige vergaan.
Nu bevonden wij ons, van ieder schip 78 man, op het ijs. Ik H.D.
KAT redde zeven sloepen en eenigen leeftogt. De een zag den ander
met droefheid aan, in zware gepeinzen verdiept, hoe en waar wij, in
dezen treurigen toestand, waarin wij den dood voor oogen zagen,
onze levensdagen zouden eindigen. Wij hadden geene zeilen, om
eene tent op het ijs opteslaan, waaronder wij ons een weinig zouden
hebben kunnen verschuilen.
Op den 1 October was er van onze verbrijzelde schepen niets
meer te zien of te vinden. Wij stonden hopeloos op het geweldig
stootend ijs, in vreeze, om ieder oogenblik door hetzelve vermorzeld
te worden. Het land was buiten ons gezigt. Wij waren nabij de opene
zee en werden Zuid-westwaarts aan voortgeslingerd op de schotsen.
Dit duurde tot den 3den October (No 14.) wanneer wij ons nog met 78
zielen op eene ijsschots van ongeveer 200 vierkante voeten in de
opene zee bevonden. Rondom ons heen was de zee eene vierde mijl
ver vol ijsgruis. Dit was ons behoud, vermits wij door middel van
hetzelve niet, bij het slingeren van onze ijsschots door de
hooggaande zeeën, van dezelve afgespoeld werden. Ondertusschen
ging zulks met groot gevaar vergezeld, zoo dat wij alle oogenblikken
vreesden om te zullen komen.
Tegen den morgen hoorden wij door het scheepsvolk van
Kommandeur PIETER ANDERSEN, bestaande in 78 man, die zich op
eene tweede digt bij ons drijvende ijsschots bevonden (No 3.) Gode
een gezang toezingen. Maar, toen de dageraad aanbrak, waren zij
van de ijsschots vergaan, uitgezonderd Kommandeur PIETER
ANDERSEN met eenige manschappen, die zich gered hadden. Om
middernacht was onze ijsschots midden doorgebroken ten gevolge
van de geweldige deining, waardoor wij 4 van onze sloepen verloren,
benevens onze meeste victualie (No 2.); van mijne 78 man (No 1.)
verloor ik op dit tijdstip niemand. Dit viel na gissing voor 40 mijlen ten
Oosten van Statenhoek. Gedurende den nacht waren wij door den
stroom het land sterk genaderd.
In den ochtend van den 4 October (No 15.) bevonden wij ons op
dezelfde ijsschots, die nu op de helft van 200 tot 100 voeten in het
vierkant verkleind was, op eenen afstand van 10 mijlen dwars van het
land af. Het weêr was nu goed. Ook hadden wij geene deining of
verheffing van zee, zijnde aan alle kanten ingesloten door drijfijs, dat,
naar ons bedunken, aan het land vast lag. Nu besloten wij onze drie
sloepen te verlaten en, zoo mogelijk, te voet op het land aantegaan,
weshalve wij onzen overgeschoten leeftogt onder malkander
verdeelden, bestaande eeniglijk in brood, waarvan ieder man omtrent
vijf scheepsbeschuiten met een weinigje boter ontving.
Bij nader inzien begrepen ik en Kommandeur ALBERT JANS, om
onze drie sloepen op onze kleiner ijsschots, waarop God ons, tot op
heden, zoo wonderbaar bewaard had, voor als nog, niet te verlaten.
Hiertoe besloten nog 49 andere, terwijl de overige 27 man een zeer
aandoenlijk afscheid van ons namen en over ijs naar land gingen. Of
deze aan land zijn gekomen, is mij onbekend.
In dezen nacht veroorzaakte eene hooggaande zee met weinig
wind, zulk eene zware deining in het ijs, dat de schotsen om ons
heen de een tegen de ander opstegen, zoo dat wij ieder oogenblik
den dood te gemoet zagen. Doch God was ons genadig. Het speet
ons toen zeer, dat wij met de 27 man niet naar land waren gegaan.
Deze nacht vertoonde aan ons oog akelige gedaanten. De zee
woedde aan de buitenzijde tegen het ijs. De baren verhieven zich als
torens in de lucht, makende in den langen donkeren nacht eene
verschrikkelijke vertooning, terwijl het zoute water vurige stralen
uitschoot. Onze kleine ijsschots van 100 voeten in het vierkant was
als met eene borstwering van kleine ijsschotsen omgeven. Deze
schoven zoodanig op elkander, dat wij ons naauwelijks konden
bergen. Doch wij bleven dezen nacht met onze 3 sloepen nog
onbeschadigd.
In den ochtendstond van den 5 October (No 16.) bedaarde het
weêr, en de zee werd hand over hand kalmer. Nu maakten wij onze
drie sloepen gereed, om er gebruik van te kunnen maken, als de
gelegenheid ons voorkwam, en besloten, om zoo lang op onze kleine
ijsschots van 100 voeten vierkant, (waarop God ons tot hiertoe zoo
wonderbaar bewaard had) te blijven, tot dat wij genoodzaakt zouden
zijn, om dezelve te verlaten. Het kwam ons voor, als of die schots
voor ons bestemd was.—Ons voedsel was zeer gering. Van onze 5
scheepsbeschuiten hadden wij niet veel meer overig. Den dorst
leschten wij met aan een stuk uitgevroren ijs te zuigen. Des
namiddags legde ik mij, bij mooi weêr, in eene der sloepen neder, om
een weinig te rusten. Ik was naauwelijks een weinig ingesluimerd,
toen het volk, (hetwelk in hoopen van 17 man, voor ieder der drie
sloepen één, verdeeld was) met groote verbaasdheid in de sloepen
viel, en mij, met een luidruchtig geschreeuw, bekend maakte, dat de
zee over onze ijsschots heen liep, waardoor dezelve dreigde te
zinken. Hierop opende zich boven verwachting het ijs, zoo dat wij ons
zeer schielijk op de vrije zee bevonden. Wij zetten toen onze zeiltjes
bij (No 16.) met eenen gunstigen Noord-oosten wind en stevenden op
Statenhoek aan. Wij hadden een kompas, konden het land zien en
zeilden des nachts langs het wit blinkend ijs.
Onze schipbreuk (No 13.) was zeer verschrikkelijk, vergezeld van
de smartelijkste gevolgen tot den 5 dezer, maar onze ijsbreuk (No
14.) en het verlies van de schots was niet minder schrikbarende. Wij
zeilden bij het ijs langs tot den 6 October (No 17.). Des middags
bevonden wij ons, naar gissing, 6 mijlen beoosten Statenhoek. Hier
dreven wij met het ijs zeer verre in zee op; (No 17.) zoo dat mijn volk
uit onkunde en vrees weigerde, om langer langs het ijs zeewaarts in
te zeilen, hetwelk nogtans noodzakelijk was, vermits dit ijs aan
Statenhoek vast lag en ons om de punt heen leidde. Wij zouden
alzoo doende met onze sloepen land hebben bekomen, schoon men
zich bij deze onderneming het gevaar van wind en zee moest
getroosten. Nu was men genoodzaakt, om, zooveel mogelijk, door
het ijs te werken, ten einde het land te bereiken. Hiermede vorderden
wij niet meer dan eene halve mijl, wanneer wij genooddrongen
werden het werk te staken en de sloepen op het ijs te halen. Hier
vond ik eenen ijsberg (zie No 17.) welke, naar gissing, 60 a 70 voeten
hoog was. Dezen beklom ik met eenige van mijne manschappen en
toonde hun de dwaasheid hunner keuze, hebbende mijnen raad niet
willen volgen, om met onze sloepen rondom de ver in zee
uitstekende ijspunt heen te zeilen, wanneer wij op Statenhoek,
waarschijnlijker wijze, hadden kunnen landen. Dit was nu te laat. Wij
hielden ons voorts bij onze drie sloepen op het ijs, gekweld door
grooten honger en koude en afgesold door vermoeidheid, doordien
wij geene rust hoegenaamd genoten.
Op den 7 October (No. 18.) kwamen wij des morgens bij goed
weêr, tot het verbazend en ijsselijk besluit, om onze drie sloepen te
verlaten, om te zien, of wij te voet over ijs het land zouden kunnen
bereiken, aangezien wij aan alle zijden door het ijs ingesloten waren,
en onze leeftogt slechts bestond in 3 scheepsbeschuiten voor ieder
hoofd. Vóór dat wij dit echter ondernamen, braken wij eerst het hout
uit de sloepen, maakten daarvan een vuur aan op het ijs,
verwarmden onze ingewanden met wat heet theewater en nam elk
onzer een’ beet van zijne drie beschuiten. Sterke drank ontbrak ons
ten eenenmale. Na deze verkwikking namen wij een zeer
aandoenelijk afscheid van twee onzer lotgenooten, welken wij Gods
groote genade toewenschten. Wij moesten hen, door dien zij niet
gaan konden, bij de sloepen laten. (No 17.) Vervolgens gingen wij,
ten getale van 49 man, op het land aan. De laatste groete aan deze
twee achterblijvende mannen viel ons zeer smartelijk. Wij hadden 2
haken, 1 theeketel en 1 biermok, tot ons gerijf, bij ons.
Van 7, 8, 9 tot den 10 October (No 19.) liepen wij, afgemat door
honger en koude, van het eene stuk ijs op het ander, om land te
winnen. Het ijs ging door de zeewelling of deining onophoudelijk met
geweld open en toe. Sommige onzer, pogende van de eene op de
andere schots te komen, geraakten, door de gladheid van het ijs,
tusschen de schotsen, in het water, verdronken en werden tusschen
het ijs verpletterd. Ik zelf geraakte tweemaal van het ijs af, doch werd
telkens weêr opgehaald en gered door de twee haken, vóór dat het
ijs zich weêr toesloot, en moest zoo met mijne natte kleederen al den
volgenden tijd gaan, hetwelk mij ongemeen verzwakte. Ik had toen
nog twee scheepsbeschuiten. Men beseffe eens, welke kracht de
goede God ons in deze omstandigheden verleende! Ziende de
zwarigheden, die wij nog moesten te boven komen, was het schier
niet om uit te houden.—Dagelijks overviel ons de vrees voor wild
gedierte, en onder het voortwandelen opende zich van tijd tot tijd
eene groote ijsspleet voor onze voeten, waarin velen onzer hun graf
vonden, vermits het ijs zich dadelijk, bij het terugkeeren van het
water, toesloot. Des avonds bevonden wij, dat wij nog twee mijlen
van het land verwijderd waren. Doch daar het ijs niet aan het land
vast lag, moesten wij hopende wachten, of het zich aan het land mogt
aansluiten. Terwijl wij dezen nacht met een diep neerslagtig hart
doorbragten, lag de een en zat de ander op het ijs, terwijl een derde
stond. Ik zat in het midden van twee ter regter en linker zijde naast
mij liggende mannen, welke des morgens dood gevroren waren.
In den morgenstond van 11 Oct. (No 20.) bevond ik, dat
Kommandeur ALBERT JANS met eenige manschappen, gedurende den
nacht, door de uitwerking van het draai-ijs van mij was verwijderd
geraakt. Ik zag dezelve hier niet weder. Dezen morgen dreef ons
eene lange strook ijs voor den mond eener rivier voorbij. Deze stiet
tegen onze ijsschots. Wij stapten er dadelijk op over, met
uitzondering van één’ man, die niet verder voort kon. Wij moesten
hem met hartverscheurende smart verlaten. Deze lange strook ijs
bragt ons aan land. Wij hadden aan beide zijden van dezelve de
opene zee, en kwamen des na den middags bij Statenhoek aan.
Deze hoek ligt op 59 graden 30 minuten N. Breedte. Wij vonden in de
valleijen eenige groente en boompjes, waaraan blaauwe bessen
groeiden. Wij plukten die bij menigte en aten ze met veel smaak.
Onze blijdschap, dat wij aan land waren gekomen zonder vooruitzigt,
waar wij belanden zouden, was onbeschrijfelijk groot. Hier bevonden
wij nog 18 in getale te zijn. Waar de overige gebleven zijn, behalve de
voorgemelde 27 man, die naar land waren gegaan, is ons ten deele
onbekend. Deze nacht viel ons lang en bang, door het vallen van
menigvuldige sneeuw en eenen harden kouden wind, alsmede door