Abundant Life Academy Family Restoration Curriculum

Month 3

Leadership - Page 4-5 Reframing & Restoring Jesus Way! Page 6-10
Month 4 Originators vs. Responders Part 1 Page 10-13 Originators vs. Responders Part II Page 13-15 Month 5 Originators vs. Responders Part III Page 16-19 Past Issues Page 20-21 (This call will occur before the parents arrive for the Conference) Month 6 Forgiveness Page 21-26 Submission to Authority Page 26-28 Month 7 Manipulation Page 28-31 Respect Page 31-34 Month 8 Trust Page 34-37 Choice & Accountability Page 37-40 Month 9 Academics After ALA Page 40 Church After ALA Page 41-42 Month 10 Home Visit Expectations Page 42-43 Student/Parent DISC Page 43-45 Month 11 Expectations After ALA Page 45 Family Covenant Beginning the Process Page 46-48 Month 12 Family Covenant Call Preparing for Graduation and Returning Home!

Welcome to Abundant Life Academy

Dear Parents, Below you will find the curriculum that we provide to the Parents and the Students in preparation for the Family Restoration program. The students are required to read, study, and soak into each element prior to participating in the Family Restoration program with you. They are also required to answer the questions as you will do. In the first two or three months they go through the preliminary chapters (Leadership, Reframing, Originators vs. Responders) During this time you will have 15-minute calls with them every other week and it is appropriate to ask your child what he/she thinks about the particular topic they are currently studying, and the student can offer his/her opinion and experience of the curriculum thus far. Dont be surprised if they struggle articulating the cognitive concepts. It takes time to develop a deeper understanding of these very key principles. Remember, many adults dont get it. These preliminary elements equip them to participate effectively in the day-to-day program at Abundant Life Academy, and it prepares them to take advantage of the Family Restoration program with you at a latter date. These preliminary elements have a purpose, and that is to teach conflict resolution. In the first two to four months of enrollment you child will be learning the elementary elements of the ALA Leadership Curriculum: Personality Blends, Temperaments, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership and Self-deception, and Choice Theory. Additionally, this particular curriculum (below) prepares and equips them to better understand the ALA Leadership Curriculum. The curriculum within the Family Restoration Program (below) is really all about resolving conflicts, building relationships, and empowerment. The curriculum herein is all about the application of the ALA Leadership Curriculum. In essence, it is where the rubber meets the road. Additionally, this Family Restoration Curriculum is designed to help overcome the normal roadblocks, typical hindrances, and eliminate the victimhood, the blame game, and to lay the foundation to pave the way for true and authentic restoration with the family. You wont officially start the Family Restoration program with your child until you have completed the parent coaching with our Parent Coach. At that time you and your child will begin to have the biweekly 45 minute restoration phone calls facilitated by your Family Rep. This material will lay the groundwork for your restorative process with your child. To better understand where your child is at, better understanding of what they are struggling to deal with, and more importantly the best way to support them through the process. This process will bring forth your blind spots, your lack of understanding, and it certainly will bring out many AHHA! moments of revelation. So, from this point on it is your responsibility to have read, studied, and discussed this material amongst yourself prior to the call from the Family Representative. Take notes, and be ready to get a deeper and more meaningful understanding of the curriculum during the call. Each call may cover two or three elements of the curriculum, so you will be moving fast. Being prepared is essential.

Dear Student, The fact that you are ready this tells me that you are a newly enrolled student of Abundant Life Academy, and you are now sitting with your staff mentor or valued Life Coach. You are both ready to get started, working together, and you will build a deeper understanding because this is going to be a relational and emotional journey of discovery. You cannot accomplish this on your own. Glancing at this material is not acceptable. You will not be able to transition from Trimester 1 to Trimester 2 without fully experiencing the foundational wisdom of the first two months of this program. The best way to go through the Family Restoration program and get something powerful out of it is to do it with others (staff and peers). It is your responsibility to get together with other students, and staff, and go through these bi-weekly elements as a group. It is your responsibility to set up times during the week to work with your peers and facilitated by staff. This process requires commitment, deep thought, and deep discussion, deliberation, sharing of ideas, experiences and outcomes. Most importantly, Life Coaches must facilitate this Family Restoration program. The Life Coaches are the catalyst to your growth and understanding of this initial step of the Abundant Life Academy. They are required to be experts on this curriculum, and they are responsible to assist you in everyway to make sure this process is a heartchanging-live-saving experience. The Life Coaches are required to know this material by heart, and to be able to work with all students, as individuals and as a group. The Life Coaches are required to set up weekly groups and set aside time to work with students individually going through the process of learning the material. The Family Representative is responsible to make sure that you have this packet, and that you understand your responsibilities, obligations, and the systems you have at your disposal. The Family Representative will ensure that you are working on this material, ensuring that you are being prepared for the Family Restoration process. Once you have finished the first two chapters of this packet, and your parents have completed parent coaching, you will begin the Family Restoration process with your family. This will take place by phone every two weeks. You will continue to meet with your peers and the Life Coaches and prepare for the next subject/topic outlined in this packet. Every other week there is a new subject/topic (see outline), and before the call with your parents you must be totally prepared. Prepared means that you have read the packet, discussed it with Life Coaches, with your peers, discussed it in group, and have met with your Family Representative who approves your readiness. This process is extremely important, and in the phone call with the parent you will be describing what you have learned about yourself, what new choices your will make from this point on, and how you are going to give back to others (repentance, responsibility, restoration). This Family Restoration Program is not something that is completed like you would complete a class, such as English 10. The Family Restoration Program is something that will change your life, and it is not a class, or a task, or something to do to get out of the program. This must be a process where you really soak yourself into, understand deeply, and come to conclusions about yourself, and where you want to be in the future.

Leadership
Who determines the quality of a leader?
What is leadership? Who is a leader? What elements do we consider when we assess any organization's leadership? How important is the leadership to a community, a business, or a civic group? What factors play into determining leaders? Does someone's financial status count? What about their personal clout, or their personality, or even their social status? Do any of these have a significant weight when determining who is, or who is not, the leader? We can discuss all of these questions related to leadership, and look at virtually every possible element of leadership and leaders and still not understand what makes a good leader. There have been hundreds of awesome books, thousands of articles, and perhaps hundreds of thousands discussions pertaining to successful leadership. There are so many theories and formulas regarding leadership. Its an interesting topic that has been thoroughly investigated to no avail. If we were honest with ourselves we would have to admit that no one has the perfect formula for the making of a perfect leader. But why? The most important element to the success or failure of leadership is not related to the leader or leadership. Leaders and leadership are a minimal part of the success or failure of leaders. Followers are far more important! The followers have the most significant impact on the significance (success or failure) of any leader, far more than the talent or gifting of the leader. The subject of effective following has been totally ignored and overlooked. While its true that great leaders can bring out the best of his/her followers, the followers and their abilities will determine how great the leader becomes. The overall success or failure of any business, civic group (city, State, or Nation), or athletic team has everything to do with the majority of the participants, namely those who follow. Leaders and leadership is very important, but even the greatest leaders can only go so far with those they lead. The determination of the followers (how motivated and equipped the followers are) will determine how far the leaders will take them. The level of competency of the followers is very important. Their education, practical experience, and training are just as important. But more important than competency, experience, or training is their heart (willingness, internal drive, and motivation). How dedicated are the followers? How determined are they? What is their level or depth of motivation? Certainly the leaders can impact these areas and have influence as to how they are applied. But the followers, as a group, as a unit or organization will determine the outcome of the task, goal, or objective. Its the intangibles of the group, such as their combined personality, natural cohesiveness, and/or shared values (shared vision and shared goals as well) have the greatest impact on the success or failure of the leadership! If there is a shared cause, or shared goal, where all members of a group have some kind of profound stake in the outcome there will be added emphasis, or added determination in their combined effort. Therefore, regardless of the competency or gifting of the leadership, if the followers (group or community members) have a great stake in the outcome the group can succeed. As a matter of fact, if there is a tremendous stake in the outcome the followers can succeed despite the leadership. The intangibles (regarding the followers) are more important as it pertains to success, than the value or experience of the leadership. Most of the effort and focus of any organization is on the leadership. Most of the research regarding effective leadership is focused on the leaders and their ability to lead. However, it just doesn't make sense to put so much emphasis on the leaders and their ability to lead, when the most important aspect of any outcome is in the followers. Do you ever hear about a bestselling book on "effective following"? Do you ever see professional training and development for a business or sports team that focuses on developing phenomenal followers? Rarely, if ever, will you find any written regarding "effective followers". Why so much emphasis on the leadership? Take Jesus for example, if you used today's standards to evaluate His earthly ministry you would be hard pressed to find any success (before death and ascension). All of His followers deserted Him at the end. Only His disciples and a few women were with him at the end of His life. Even His most trusted disciples deserted Him after Jesus was arrested. One of His followers, Judas, betrayed Him, and the leader of the followers, Peter, denied knowing Him three times. The followers of Jesus Christ were not very impressive.

I am afraid that after three years with Jesus the group of 12 were no better off than the first day they started following Jesus; they didn't seem to listen or understand all that Jesus taught. And, the few that stood by Jesus to the end were not real members of His clan. The outsiders, those on the fringe of the group, stood by Jesus even after His death. They were the women who followed from a far. Martha and Mary stayed with Jesus until the end, believing the words He spoke, expecting Him to rise on the third day after His death. All the while the main members of the group were devastated, had given up, and were ready to throw in the towel, admitting defeat. As believers we hold fast to the Scriptures found in the Bible. Jesus said many profound things about His death and resurrection. He also gave His followers instructions to follow, goals, aspirations, tasks, and a destiny - all that we were to do after His ascension into Heaven. The Apostle Paul, who wrote a majority of the New Testament, also wrote a great deal about the task given to the followers of Jesus. Paul, among many other things, described the followers as "believers", those whose faith was in the words of Jesus. Paul gave us commands, direction, instruction, correction, and called us to action. As followers of Jesus Christ we have a common goal, a shared vision, and a defined hope in Christ. Jesus, in the Gospel according to John, told us that He was going to send us the Holy Spirit, who would lead us to the final victory. Paul spoke a great deal about following the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Paul described the followers of Christ to be one body, one spirit, in one accord. As Jesus called us to "be one in Him and His Father", Paul also called us to be in one Spirit and one body (one mature man built up into Christ), under one calling, to fulfill the commission given to us by Jesus. Jesus is the ultimate leader, the perfected one, having overcome all obstacles, including conquering death. Jesus, as a leader, demonstrated the very best elements of leaderships, more so than any other person who ever lived. However, Jesus, to complete what He came to accomplish, needs our cooperation. The Holy Bible says that He (Jesus) is our head, and we are His body. The Word also states that we are His Bride, one flesh with Him. Being in one mind, one Spirit, as one body, we are Christ's. We are seated at His right hand, in the heavenly places, c0-heirs, and partners in the promises. Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, works through us, in us, and for us. However, He can do nothing without our faith, and even with Faith it is given to us. As a matter of fact that Word states that we have been given everything, everything physical, everything spiritual, and everything that is needed to complete and fulfill what God promised in Jesus. If this is all true then the real issue is our willingness to follow Jesus. His leadership is perfect, He is perfect, but He is looking for us to complete the mission and He needs us to follow Him. The completion of the will of God is the willingness for all of us, true believers, lovers of the truth, to follow. The followers in this case are the reason, the purpose, and the cause. To Jesus, its all about us, the followers. His sacrifice and His obedience to His Father is all about us, the followers. Therefore, our need is to focus on building up the followers, to strengthen the followers, and train up the followers. Jesus, in His entire ministry, is about preparing and equipping the followers. Its not about Jesus, as the leader, its about those He is leading. Jesus' heart is for the follower; the reason for His gift is about the follower. Therefore, it is time to get our eyes off of training up leaders alone, but to train up good followers who can be lead by leadership. At Abundant Life Academy we are to focus our attention on the followers while raising up leaders. To be a great leader it first takes us to be the very best follower. Without being the best follower, it is impossible to reach our highest potential as a leader.

Reframing and Restoring... Jesus way!

Jesus is our example.... you will find this little nugget of truth in Hebrews. For those who are students of the WORD go read the book of Hebrews, and then read the teaching below. Is God in control of everything? I mean, everything? Does the Bible not tell us to praise God in all things? What about the bad things? What about the horrible tests and trials that we go through? What about Jesus, in Luke Chapter 4 when he comes out of the Jordan filled with the Holy Spirit and then is weakened by a 40 day fast, and then. Satan tempts Jesus in every way. Jesus comes out of the Jordan after being tempted and now has THE FULL POWER OF THE SPIRIT! (According the Luke 4). The question I pose Is God always in control, or is He aware of what is going on, or does He allow all things to occur? What about the dark trials we go through? Does God allow these, or is He the one behind it? Does God use the darkness to bring about His will? 2 Thessalonians 2:8-12 Then that lawless one will be revealed whom the Lord will slay with the breath of His mouth and bring to an end by the appearance of His coming; that is, the one whose coming is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders, and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved. For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false, in order that they all may be judged who did not believe the truth, but took pleasure in wickedness. The Bible says that God created everything, and is over all things, including Satan. The Bible also is very clear God will send Satan or His tormentors. Job 1:1, 7-12 Job 2:3-7 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job; and that man was blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil. The LORD said to Satan, "From where do you come?" Then Satan answered the LORD and said, "From roaming about on the earth and walking around on it." The LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil." Then Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. "But put forth your hand now and touch all that he has; he will surely curse You to Your face." Then the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, all that he has is in your power, only do not put forth your hand on him." So Satan departed from the presence of the LORD.. The LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man fearing God and turning away from evil. And he still holds fast his integrity, although you incited Me against him to ruin him without cause." Satan answered the LORD and said, "Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life. "However, put forth Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh; he will curse You to Your face." So the LORD said to Satan, "Behold, he is in your power, only spare his life." Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Does God have a pattern for those who believe? I mean, if you read the Bible, those who really love God with all their hearts, serving Him with everything they have, suffer BECAUSE of their servant hood to God? What about Cain? Abraham? Caleb and Joshua? And, what about Joseph? Did he suffer terrible things? Lets take Joseph for example. He suffered terribly. He was betrayed by his brothers and left to die in a well.

He was a slave, he served time in prison, and those who promised to serve him forgot him. Virtually he did nothing to deserve any of it, and his suffering was unjust. However, God had a plan the whole time. Joseph, because of his suffering, was perfectly equipped to be the salvation of Israel in their time of desperation. Well, what did God do in those terrible things? With each one, He brought Glory, freedom, triumph, and victory to himself and salvation to man. King David, the Disciples, and even Jesus Himself were tortured, tormented, betrayed, persecuted, and suffered great harm. And, God used each situation to bring about His glory and our eternal life. Take King David for example. He was anointed King, but went through years of unjust suffering. He was chased out of town for doing the right thing and serving the King. He settled up with the worst outlaws around, became their leader, and then went through four markedly difficult trials, each worse than the previous. Finally, his best friend Jonathan died. Finally, King David became King and God restored the Kingdom of Judah and the Kingdom of Israel, as they were restored for the time being. And, King David continued to learn his lessons due to the darkness. King David wrote some of the Psalms! Have you ever benefited from reading the Psalms? Have you ever been blessed by the Psalms? Gain insight, empowerment, freedom, and relief? King David wrote those Psalms based on his days of suffering in the darkness, distress, and despair. King David was the young boy who killed the Philistine and saved Israel. He was anointed King and had to wait in total isolation, and he waited. He was the one who won all those battles against enemies of Israel. He was a righteous man, a man after Gods own heart, and was often attacked and lived in torment. The darkness invaded his life many times, and with each episode he grew in power and humility. What about all the writings of Paul in the New Testament? Did Paul write the Corinthians because they were perfect and were doing everything right? What about the Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians? No! These churches were not doing the right things. The Corinthians were totally out of control, wrapped up in total darkness. Paul wrote all those letter as letters of hope, encouragement AND correction! Because these people (Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians) really messed up badly, Paul wrote the letters. Yes, Paul wanted to encourage these churches, but in reality he corrected them. So, because these guys messed up a very long time ago, I now have the New Testament, the Word of God, and because they messed up I have THE TRUTH!. Praise God these people messed up, lacked faith, made mistakes, were led astray, got off track, believed what was false etc. Because they did all these terrible thing I have the ability to read the Bible and live eternally in truth, victory, and triumph. So, does God use torment, torture, unfairness, persecutions, attacks, etc. to bring about His glory, and to bless us with every Spiritual blessing (Ephesians chapter 1)? Yes He does! Jesus died a brutal death, as a sinless man, as the Son of God, sent here to give us eternal life. He suffered, died, and was buried. All that gave us the greatest gift known to man! His death was the best thing that ever happened! His suffering was the greatest triumph. His betrayal was so sweet, so beautiful, incredibly victorious. So, does the Bible point out any uniqueness, anything special, and pathway leading us to God and to His way? Yes it does it points us to the bad, horrible, tests and trials of darkness. All the disappointments are our greatest blessings. So thank God Jesus suffered and died! Thank God that all these men and women of faith suffered so much. The trials of Darkness are found in the Bible, cover-to-cover. But how do we relate to Gods pattern now? Do we glory in our pain, trials, and horrible circumstances of loss and destruction? No we blame it on Satan, as if God has no control and cant stop the torment! The truth is that God uses the torment, suffering, and pain to bring about His glory and our freedom and eternal blessings. He allows all these things to occur, and in the end because of the torment our faith grows, our dependence on Jesus increases, and we receive wisdom that is not of this world. We truly live as free men of Grace when we suffer. And, Jesus told us that we would suffer, for His sake. Paul wrote that same thing. So, when we suffer because of our faith, and our service to the Kingdom, we are being blessed and given life. But do we acknowledge that? What most believers testify is not the true depiction of Gods blessings. We look at the strangest things and call them blessings; a new job, a new house, a healing, and a miracle. But the Bible shows something entirely different. The Apostle Paul gloried in the sufferings he took on because of his faith in Christ.

The sufferings, according to Paul, are the blessings. It is where we see God and experience His love while on earth. Im happy when I receive an earthly blessing, but is that really from God? Or, are the terrible trials, losses, setbacks, torments, and unfairness the blessings? Are the earthly blessings (new job, new house, etc.) really the blessings from above? Well, to settle this question once and for all, you are going to have to seek the truth in the Bible. Pick any page, anywhere, and read 50 to 100 pages. If you dont see Gods unique way, then you are blind. Remember, His ways are above our ways. In everything bad that happens to me I am always, almost instantly, seeking God in them. I know the suffering, the trials, the tests, the torments are allowed by God if not orchestrated by Him, and in those horrible things I receive the blessings (all of them!). Therefore, I have to do what Jesus did. Jesus reframed everything that happened. Everything bad that happened He reframed to and it was defined as a blessing from the Father. We saw Jesus suffer, die, and buried. Then we received the promised Holy Spirit. Praise God that Jesus died. Praise God that Jesus was betrayed, beaten, and then crucified. It was the best thing that every happened for mankind! What a gift. So, when you are going through sufferings, loss, setbacks, disappointments, tests, trials, and horror, do you immediately praise God and start looking for the gold nuggets of truth and triumph from heaven? Do you immediately recognize the hell on earth as a blessing? Jesus death was a tragedy! But it was soooooo good! Are your tragedies good? Are your sufferings and horror praise worthy? Can you see the attacks as the blessing? Jesus did, Paul did, and John did Please enjoy just a few of the scriptures that lead us to be reframers, reformaters, with special abilities to see the gifts in the tragedies. Its called receiving the Spirit of wisdom, knowledge, understanding, patience, perseverance, long suffering, can counsel (the seven-fold Holy Spirit who is to be your comforter, teacher, bringing all things Jesus has said to your remembrance) Several scriptures that tells us that only by Gods divine call do we even have the ability to call upon Jesus, or to ask Him into our hearts, or to invite Him into our hearts to be our Lord and Savior. We cant even do that unless God does it for us.. John 2:34-36 For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." Parents want their children to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. If they are rejecting Christ, the parents are heartbroken. They often judge ALA and our job as Christian mentors. These parents need to take up this problem with God! See below (Please NOTE: You will find the same truth in 1 Corinthians 12:3 as well as other places) John 5:64-66 Yet there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. Parents sometimes get mad at ALA for not leading their child to the Spirit of Truth. We cannot cause someone to hear Gods voice. We can only speak the truth in Love. The rest is between God and the student. God uses the students time of distress (rebellion) to speak into their hearts. This is why it is so important that parents stop rescuing their child. Let them deal with the consequences of their choices. GO READ the story of the Prodigal Son! Did his father rescue him or the older brother? John 8:47 He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

So God uses sickness, betrayal, persecutions, beatings, unfairness, and even death, to glorify Him, and to set us free, and to build our faith. John 11:438-44 When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more daysJesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone," he said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me. When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." John 13:21 After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, "I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me." Did God the Father rescue His son from betrayal? Persecution? Beatings? What about death? John 15:19-25 That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master.' If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not be guilty of sin. Now, however, they have no excuse for their sin. He who hates me hates my Father as well. If I had not done among them what no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. But now they have seen these miracles, and yet they have hated both me and my Father. But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law: 'They hated me without reason. Has the modern day church doctrine led us astray? Is the doctrine of prosperity in alignment with the Word of God? Do preachers compel non-believers to receive Jesus by telling them about the trials, testings, torments, pain, or suffering that will come? Do they preach about how wonderful the attacks are? Do they teach us to glory in the weaknesses, attacks, persecutions, offense, and insults? John 16:20. 33 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth; my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Well there it is. In black and white. Now, you could use any one of the books of the New Testament and found the same thing. In the book of Revelations, the promises are to the overcomers. Well, I dont see anyone praising God in the New Testament because they got a new job, found the perfect mate, got a new (or working) car! I see suffering everywhere! Therefore, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians chapter 12, when He asked God three times to remove the messenger from Satan, the tormentor, and God said, No way man! This tormentor makes you weak, and in your weakness I am strong, in you! Paul immediately reframes his understanding of the torment and now seess it differently. Paul says, Gladly, therefore, please give me more torment! By all means make me weaker! Meaning, if torment will get me more of Jesus, bring it on! We are to believe that God is in control, and we should not find it strange when we encounter a whole bunch of bad things, bad luck, and major torment.

Count it all joy the Bible says! What about you? Do you see the rich blessings in all the setbacks, disappointments, betrayals, and persecutions? Or, are you still praying for that new job, new car, and better mate? The blessing is in the period of extended unemployment! The blessings are found in not having transportation. The blessings are in the pain and agony waiting upon the Lord for the perfect mate. Please consider reformatting, reframing, and reformulating your understanding of Gods blessings; with a new understanding that your troubles related to your troubled teen is the greatest blessing that you have ever received, and God gave this to you as His special gift. Now, go praise Him for all the suffering that you have dealt with because of your troubled teen, or praise Him because of your ugly nasty ex-wife (or ex-husband.) and all the hell they have caused you, or because of the sickness, or death close to you. You, my brother/sister, are truly blessed! And, if this teaching makes you upset with me, what Scripture did I use that makes you so mad? What part of the Bible did I use that makes you upset with me? Take this and ALL teachings to the WORD. Dont believe me, I am a fallible man. Take it to the WORD. And, if you find what I found, get mad at the preachers who have lied to you and your troubled teen.

Originators vs. Responders Wisdom and Keys to Success

The concept of the Originators and Responders - How does conflict and discord come about? Is it important to know how to avoid conflict? Is it important to know how conflict comes about, or how it starts? Is it important to know how to get out of conflict after you find yourself in it? What are the consequences of conflict? What can happen if conflict is unresolved, and how far can it go? What is the end result of conflict when it is not resolved? Have you ever caused a conflict that brought tremendous pain, loss, and regret? Would it have been nice to know how to get out of the conflict before you lost so much? Is it important to avoid the kind of conflict that causes people to lose their jobs (arguments with the boss), destroy relationships (marriages), stay out of jail (domestic violence), or get sent to a boarding school? Would it be important to know that you dont know how to handle or resolve conflict? If you dont know how to handle conflict, is it important for you to know? Would you like to know? Offense, whether intentional or not, is the foundational action that leads to personal and organizational conflict and discord. The offense that leads to conflict & discord, which is misunderstandings, disrespect, dissension, hurt, betrayal, and overall dysfunction, has a predictable pattern that is observable and fixable. Organizations effected by the dysfunction related to offense, to name a few, are governmental bodies, community organizations, businesses of all kinds, athletic teams at every level, academic institutions, clubs, churches, informal groupings of friends (peer groups), and most importantly families. For the purpose of this exercise is going to focus primarily on the conflict and discord regarding families. Conflict and discord in the family unit can be extremely detrimental and harmful to all people involved. Certainly, familial relationships that experience ongoing and continual offenses can be damaged, destroyed, and eventually discarded. Relationship can be so dysfunctional that there seems to be no possibility of repair or restoration. Most families experience some level of this kind of dysfunction and therefore most people can relate to the hurt and sense of loss and regret associated with familial discord. This can be the most hurtful type of offense one can experience in their lifetime, leading to all kinds of relational dysfunction throughout their lifetime. If a young person does not learn how to effectively handle conflict and discord it will present problems throughout his/her life. These problems are often devastating. Young people who have relational issues caused by conflict grow into adults who continue to have relational problems where ever they may go, but as adults the relational discord is much more painful and destructive. For example, young people who often experience breakups between boyfriend and girlfriend, or visa-versa, fallouts with your best friends, major dissension with parents, more often than not are those who experience job loss, divorce, and other painful breakups as adults.

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What causes the conflict and discord? Certainly, one or more of the familial members are selfish and self-absorbed. In other words, certain members become self-engrossed, where everything becomes about them. This self-centeredness can cause more damage than one can imagine. However, there is something very unique and distinctive about the selfcenteredness that causes the unimaginable hurt, leading to the profound dysfunction that causes tremendous offense to all parties. Before the dysfunction comes the original offense, and the original offense is an act of self-centeredness. The originator, the person who is self-centered and selfish acts out their selfishness in a way that causes harm to the recipient. This selfish act is the originator of the conflict and discord. The recipient becomes the responder, and can only respond to the harmful act of the originator. The responder can respond in a proactive (positive) manner, or respond in negative way causing the continuation and downward spiral of the originator/responder conflict. Ultimately, the negative response from the responder is just as detrimental as the originators act that started the conflict and discord. A 15 year old male sneaks out of his bedroom one night and hooks up with some girls, they sneak into a party with older kids. There is a great deal of alcohol and a few older kids are smoking tons of pot. The 15-year-old male gets hammered and passes out. The 17 year old throwing the party (his parents are gone) is pissed, and wants the drunk and stone 15year-old idiot out of his house. The girls that came with the 15 year old drag him out of the house, but due to the fact that they are hammered they only get so far. A local police officer drives by, and the freaked out girls scatter in different directions. Himself, passed out in some strangers yard, leaves the intoxicated 15-year-old boy and the boy is arrested. The boy is transported to the hospital and finally the police are able to find out enough information to call his parents. His parents go down to the hospital and find their son still drunk, passed out, and heading to jail. They are very angry and the dad goes off, yelling and screaming, upsetting the mom. The 15 year old wakes up for the first time and sees his dad yelling and mom crying. The dad notices that his son has woken up and begins to yell and scream. The police escort the dad out of the hospital room. As he is escorted down the hall he continues his tirade. The 15 year old is very upset and yells out, I hate you, you bastard! In the scenario above who is the originator and who is the responder? Who has the power over the situation, and who is losing his power? Who is the one that can change the situation and fix it so that everyone can win, eventually? Who has no power over this situation and cannot fix the situation, but can make it much worse? Who is able to respond in a positive and proactive manner, making a bad situation more apt to turn out positive, if possible? Who really is the one who can make the traumatic situation be turned around, resolved, and headed back to a better relationship despite the apparent major setback? These questions are extremely important to be answered. A family coach (Christian counselor, therapist, Pastor, etc.) cannot help a family overcome the damage done by the originating offense without both parties (parents and child) understanding fully the originator and the responder and the roles each play. Most of the time the responder is looked upon as the problem and most of the energy (cause, blame) is put on the responder. This is especially true with the originator, as the responder responds negatively it tends to justify the originators original action. So, in the case of the 15 year old he is obviously the originator. His actions were ridiculous, stupid, and could have caused great harm to himself and others. Dad responds very poorly, causing the son and the mom to be hurt deeply by his emotional terror. Dad screams and yells, which is understandable, and causes mom to stand with the son, and despises dads behavior. Now the focus is on the dad, but he was only responding to the original offense. Had the son not snuck out and got extremely intoxicated and wound up in jail the dad would not have responded poorly. But, in the eyes of the son (originator) he claims that he sneaks out and drinks because dad is such a jerk. So, the originator blames the responder. Also, mom is now more disgusted with her husband for his poor response, and now moves over to defend and protect her son, as if he was the one who was responding. Now we have a major problem with little hope of restoration. The truth is that the son has all the power and ability to restore the relationship and fix everything. The dad can only respond, positively or negatively. The dad has no other option. To respond negatively causes the opposite of what he was looking for, and to respond positively only opens the door to a good resolution, but the power of full restoration comes from the son (originator) alone. This scenario plays out over and over again, and usually there is no progress or resolve, as it only gets worse. There is only more offense, more hurt, and more conflict/discord. The secret is to know when you are the originator and stand up like a strong and noble man or woman and take responsibility for the originating offense and make restitution. The secret to successful relationships within a family is to take responsibility when you are the originator and to become the solution.

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The ability for anyone to know the originator vs. responder system is to be mature, powerful, and successful in every area of your life. To not know the originator vs. responder system is to be a powerless victim of yourself causing all your own problems but never knowing all your bad outcomes are due to you and you alone. At Abundant Life Academy a 16-year-old student sneaks a cheat sheet into his room and shares it with his roommates. The entire room of boys uses the cheat sheet and they get caught. During the investigation they all lie at first, and then when presented with overwhelming evidence that they cheated they finally admit what they did. In the process of investigating the cheating scandal more bad behavior is discovered and brought forward; many more students are implicated in various retarded behavior. The originator was the boy who snuck the cheat sheet into his room and then shared it with his roommates. The responders are the roommates. The roommates become extremely angry with the originator, and they threaten him with isolation and violence. The other students implicated in the discovery of other negative behaviors (unrelated to the cheating scandal) are also very angry at all the roommates, blaming them for the negative consequences they received as their behavior was discovered in the investigation. So, all the focus is on the responders. The responders response justifies the originators negative behavior. The originators are one, the student who brought in the cheat sheet, and two, the other boys given consequences for their negative behavior, which were discovered in the investigation. However, the focus of blame and hatred are toward the responders. At this point it is obvious that none of the students have emotional maturity, and they are stuck. The possibility of these kids learning from this experience is slim and none and they will most likely repeat the negative behavior and get caught again. This cycle of offense and consequence continues, sometimes for decades, until the originator realizes that he/she has caused all the harm, and they alone have the opportunity (power) to get out of this negative ugly cycle. The responders could have confiscated the cheat sheet and compelled the originator to turn himself in for sneaking out the cheat sheet. If they had used integrity and were trustworthy, and if they had turned in the originator, they would not have gotten caught and only the originator would have been punished. Also, if the other unrelated students had not acted out their negative behavior they would have never been discovered because it wouldnt have happened. Instead, the originators are in full belief that the responders are at fault and they blame them for the negative outcome. The originators dont learn anything, and will only continue with the negative actions, still believing that theyre a victim. Many druggies believe that if the cops didnt exist then they would have no problems. The laws are stupid, and the legal system is the reason why they are in trouble. To the druggie there is nothing worse than the inappropriate behavior of the law enforcement, District Attorney, judge, and those responsible for making up the dumb laws in the first place. When his/her parents catch the druggie using drugs then it is his parents who are gay, stupid, and retarded. To the originator (druggie) the consequences for drug abuse have nothing to do with their own behavior, its the stupid and gay authority that is to blame. When kids skip school, smoke pot, lie, fail at school, hang out with the wrong crowd and get in trouble for going along with this wrong crowd its never their fault. Parents are retarded, police officers are stupid, and all authority has conspired to ruin their lives. It has nothing to do with the fact that they are hanging out with knuckleheads doing stupid things, it has nothing to do with sneaking out or lying, it has nothing to do with failed grades, or drug use. Its all about the stupid, gay, and retard parents/police/teachers/coaches/pastors that are ruining their life. This dysfunctional system plays out every day, especially with emotionally immature self-centered youth. They are the originators of the offense but blame (justify) their negative choices on others (parents and authority in general). Anyone who is dumb enough to come along side the originator and help them out of the nightmare they have created becomes the next person to blame. Its truly amazing how the emotionally immature teen is able to turn him/herself into a victim (responder). It is so convincing that many fall into the trap of supporting their delusional behavior. The real responder (parents, teachers, police, etc.) is not able to fix the originator, but they are able to respond in a positive pro-social proactive manner. When the responder does respond in an appropriate way there is a better chance for the originator to take responsibility and change, modify, and correct their offensive behavior. The responder has limited power, and they are not empowered to correct the original offense.

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Only the originator, with true remorse and desire to fix the offensive behavior, can overcome the offense and restore the relationship. When the originator is able to see his/her offense in the originating behaviors they have the chance to take full responsibility. Therefore, they are now able to take accountability and make new decisions. So, when they recognize their offensive behavior (selfishness, self-centeredness, self-absorbedness) and take full responsibility, including the display of remorse and full acknowledgement (confession), they then can follow through with the self-imposed consequence, and ultimately a change of heart (building the confidence in all parties that there will be a true heart change and the offensive behavior wont happen again). The responder can lay the groundwork for this proactive solution by the originator, but the responder cant force compliance. The responder can respond in a counter-productive manner and screw everything up. The very best scenario is when the originator recognizes what they have caused, owns up, and commits to changing the behavior. In this case the responder can help the restoration occur, or hinder it, and thats it no other choice. All the power for restoration lies with the originator. Please make a list of all the originating offenses that you have caused. In other words, how many responders have you created in your teenage life and how many had to respond to your crap? How many people have you hurt, lied to, deceived, stolen from, used, and other wise treated horribly. What is your victim? Meaning, when you are the originator and you refused to take responsibility for your offensive behavior (stupid, gay, retarded, and dumb choices) what kind of victim did you plays? Being a victim in this case would be acting, putting on an act, or playing the victim. Were you the deceived victim? The tricked victim? The dumb victim? The hopeless victim? What actor would you think would be best to play the role of your victim (Jim Carey from the movie, Dumb and Dumber)? With this list you will list your offenses and the people you harmed. You will be very descriptive with the types of behaviors you committed that hurt or offended others (parents, siblings, friends, authority figures, and people you know). You will then describe, for each offense, what you did when you were caught or confronted? Did you take responsibility? Did you lie, cover up, deflect, or blame?

Originators vs. Responders Part II What makes a leader effective?

How do we take accountability? Why should we take accountability? How would I know that I have taken accountability? What do we take accountability over? Why dont we take accountability for things we caused, meaning what are the things we are afraid to face and let go of (knowing it is not our doing, our fault, or our responsibility)? Can we get away with not taking accountability? What happens if we dont take accountability? Who gets hurt? In every conflict we have an originator and a responder. There is someone (or a group) that starts a conflict through an action (behavior) or failing to act when they should have. To make a conflict there must be an action or inaction, intended or not, that is not taken into account. Meaning, someone does something that offends another and that action is not accounted for, nor is there a person who takes responsibility. Therefore, the offense is stuck. Its out there, real or perceived, and it is causing discord, hurt, betrayal, and offense. The devastation that is caused by the offense of the originator is worse than any other type or kind of hurt or betrayal. The offense of the originator stops all possibility of growth of the relationship. Forget about any prosperity or positive movement forward in the relationship until the offense is dealt with properly. Everything personal between two people, or people and an organization/group, will not progress any further, it wont grow, and it wont be healthy for anyone until the offense is dealt with and overcome. So, if the originator has all the power to solve the problem caused by the offense, what exactly does he or she need to do? What steps need to be followed? What does it look like to be the originator of an offense and then solve the conflict (hurt) and restore the relationship? First, and foremost there must be overt act on the part of the originator to show solid authentic and genuine empathy, remorse, regret, and repentance for what they have done to cause the offense (whether they meant to offend or not). Meaning, the originator must get out of his/her self-centered viewpoint and truly feel the plight of the responder; this must happen before the responder is able to respond to the original offense, thus taking accountability for what he/she has done. Why should the originator quickly take full responsibility?

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Because most likely the responder is going to respond poorly, causing the conflict to continue and to cycle from one offense to another, known as the inappropriate response to the originator. If this happens then the originator will most likely be offended, hurt, and respond in kind. This is the dance of insanity, where each person (or group) will respond in such a way as to continue the hurt being hurt hurt again cycle that doesnt stop. There is a Nortenos gang in Los Angeles and their turf is a ten-block neighborhood. Directly to the east of the neighborhood there is a Gang affiliated with Surenos. Both gangs hate each other, and there is no love lost. Three weeks ago one of the Surenos ventured into the Nortenos neighborhood and he was killed. The killing was gruesome and hideous. Last week the Surenos piled in a car and struck back. They drove into the Nortenos neighborhood and did a drive by shooting into an occupied house, killing two gang members, a little girl, and a grandmother. Yesterday the Nortenos got revenge. Ten Nortenos crashed a Surenos party and shot the place up, killing four people. This cycle has been going on for the last decade. Hundreds of people have died, hundreds more are in prison, and the devastation caused by the turf war has ruined thousands of lives. Each gang blames the other for all conflict, death, and destruction. It will never end because no one will take ownership or see them selves as the originator, and they are caught in a dance of insanity. The only way out is for one of the gangs to show some leadership (gonads) and take responsibility. They need to hold themselves accountable. Decide that there will be no more killing, or destruction of lives. A great leader can bring about a truce and convince (build trust) the other gang to put down their arms and protect their families. There are many instances where a gang member with true leadership abilities stands up and takes total responsibility, and convinces his own gang members of doing the same. Stop the insanity. Then, they go out and convince the other side. They take a stand for what is right. They become others-centered. They cast a vision to both groups and they say, we cant allow another young boy or young girl to die, we cant allow one more mother to die and leave behind orphans. We cant live in this never-ending war of death, destruction, without hope. Lets come to our senses, band together, and lets see the next generation get an education, live in a place of safety, and lets turn our neighborhoods into a prosperous community. But leaders like the one described above are few and far between. Mostly we have self-centered, self-absorbed, cowards who say, its all about me and I dont care about anyone else or who I hurt. A coward cannot take responsibility for being an originator, they cant hold themselves accountable, and they can only play the victim and blame everyone else for their poor choices. They are afraid to take a stand, look deeply within themselves, become honest, and make the hard changes. They are entitled, whiners who complain, moan, and gripe about everything. They dont take initiative but continue to selfishly take others time, energy, and resources. They become a sponge, draining all the hope, courage, and goodwill from everyone they meet. Most of them are hurt people who have no problem hurting people. If they are miserable then others are going to be miserable too, and they are going to feel their pain. They attack anyone who tries to help them, and anyone who tries to show them a better way becomes their next victim. People, with good hearts and good intentions, reach out and try to help them out of their dance of insanity, and in doing so they get slapped, kicked, mocked, and scorned they become the next enemy. It is known that emotional maturity usually begins at the age of 12 or 13. At this age kids are supposed to stop being so fragile, so needy, and so dependent upon others to meet their needs. At this age children are supposed to become more aware of whom they hurt or offend, they are supposed to start taking responsibility for their poor decisions and bad behaviors, and start becoming young people of honor and respect. Sometimes its a slow process, but by the age of 15 or 16 teens are supposed to be developing empathy, compassion, and a sense of integrity and morality. They are supposed to become more caring and self-reliant, more independent and trustworthy. Unfortunately, way too many teens do not grow emotionally and are stuck at a pre-teen emotional level. Being 15 or 16 years old but acting at the emotional level a 10 year old is very unattractive and unbecoming. But they dont see it, and they think that everyone else exists for their needs; they treat people like objects, and begin to feel the pressure from their inappropriate behaviors. Unfortunately, the immature teen looks at all the bad things that are happening to them and sees more stuff to blame on people. Its never their fault, and of course they are the victims and parents become the enemy. What is the answer? It is so simple. When anyone, teen or adult, understand the concept of the originator and the responder, and take the position of power (originator) they are able to get up and out of the hole they have dug and stop all the negative consequences they keep receiving. In the place of power, understanding their role as originator, they are able to take responsibility for what they have done to others that caused hurt, offense, and discord. By taking responsibility they have true remorse.

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They have put themselves into the place of the other people, and felt their pain, and then turn and repent for causing the pain. Simultaneously they authentically forgive the responder for responding so poorly, and take total accountability for the entire conflict. In effect, they become the leader, the type of leader described in the story of the two gangs in conflict. They take the lead in stopping the dance of insanity. They cast a vision of what it would be like to stop the conflict and heal from the offense. They set their eyes on a better, healthier relationship, and then they are patient as it takes time for full restoration. This describes a true leader. For the Abundant Life Academy student leader to fully acknowledge what they have done (inappropriate behaviors, poor choices, lying, deceiving, being defiant and hurtful, striking out, saying mean and hurtful things, etc.) and forgive their parents (and forgetting) about anything the parent may have done to bring hurt or offense into the relationship, is emotional maturity and power. Whether the parent was the originator, or the responder, it doesnt matter. The ALA student leader will step up, and take charge (become empowered), take responsibility, set their sights on a new plan and vision (be accountable), and inspire the parents to do the same. To be successful the teen leader must look deeply within themselves and see what damage and harm they have caused, be sorrowful, and yearn for a better more constructive/fruitful relationship. Be willing to endure, through leadership, the slow and painful process of restoring a relationship. Hopefully, the parent will join with them, making it a faster and a more beautiful experience. Students of ALA receive DISC training (personality blends and insights on how to honor all people despite their temperaments), EQ training, and the Choice (Leadership and Self-Deception). The ALA students are not only trained, but they are given the opportunity to apply the training. With it, they are coached as they learn a new way of living. They receive coaching from their peers, and from the staff. They are rewarded greatly for stepping up and caring enough for others that they become the change agents, the source of inspiration for growth. The ALA student, who learns the concept of originator and responder, and the leadership application of that particular concept, take with them a powerful tool that they can employ the rest of their lives. Additionally, they will be the one who always comes out on top, achieves the most, gets the best job or promotion, and has the most meaningful and rich relationships above all others. This person is attractive, respected, appreciated, and enjoys the best parts of life. They live their lives empowered, capable of dealing with tough situations, able to overcome hardships, with the ability to lead others to live more fruitful lives as well. The ALA student who fails to learn this concept is stuck, and bound to repeat all the behaviors that led them to being enrolled into ALA. Unfortunately, they will have dozens of new people to hate and blame. They will see themselves the victims of their parents stupidity and unfairness (for enrolling them into ALA). They wont see how their behavior forced their parents to do something outrageous, like enrolling them into a boarding school for troubled teens. They will also hate and blame the staff of ALA. They will recall the consequences they received from ALA staff as a victim would. Even though the consequences were the result of their own negative inappropriate behavior, it will be someone else who is stupid, gay, and retarded. They will paint themselves as someone who was mistreated, uncared for, and punished for doing nothing. What is really unfortunate is that they take this attitude and belief into the world, where they will become victims of their own doing very quickly, but now the consequences hurt, and they are swift. In the real world victims are discarded, overlooked, and no one cares about there whining and blaming (except other emotionally immature people who love the company of other victims so they can whine together about how stupid everyone else is). These teens and young adults find themselves in a world of hurt, all their bridges to family and good people have been burned, and they find themselves isolated, lonely, disenfranchised, and without hope. The moral of the story is dont be a victim of your own doing, and grow up! This week we are going to make a list of all the things we have done to our parents as the originator. We are going to think deeply, spend time remembering, and while we explore all the offenses and hurtfulness that we have created we are also going to get into the shoes of those we hurt and offend. So, we are going to write about what it must have felt like for their parents to be hurt by them. The students are going to describe at least 20 situations where they were the originators (ungrateful, selfish, hurtful, defiant, and nasty little knuckleheads). In each situation that is described they are going to come clean, openly admit their wrong, and demonstrate true remorse and sorrow for what they did. They will finish each of the 20 scenarios by describing what it must have felt like to be their parent. Lastly, they are going to describe how their parents responded, and distinguish their response as being poor, or appropriate, given the circumstances. Meaning, did the parents strike back, causing more offense (dance of insanity), or did they respond appropriately. Please read one of the four Gospels of Christ (first four books of the New Testament) and be prepared to give an answer about how Jesus responded appropriately to offense and scorn (hurtfulness) from others.

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Originators vs. Responders: Part III

When most people do something wrong, stupid, or lame, and get caught, they immediately search their brain for a justification (excuses, blaming, etc). Normally, justification is done after the fact, after the deed is done and the originator has been caught red handed. Justification is really someone making an argument as to why they have done something (bad). It is also something that is made up after being caught, and not a reason why the act was committed in the first place. For example, if a 16 yr old boy gets caught smoking pot he quickly blurts out a justification, saying, Johnny, Cliff, and Jackson made me smoke pot. However, the truth is that the 16 yr old smoked pot because he likes to hang with his friend and they love to smoke pot. But after getting caught his excuse is a form of justification, or a lame reason as to why the retarded act occurred. Romans 5:1-3 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; When it comes to doing good things we normally justify our actions before we do them. Thus, we think that we have a good cause and therefore we act on our cause, totally justified before we act. As it was stated before, when it comes to doing stupid and lame things, we dont justify our actions until after we get caught. In this case the justification is actually blame. More specifically, the justification is blame without proper cause. We point fingers, proclaim ourselves as victims, and our actions are justifiable in our own minds. The first time we find this justification is in the first book of the Bible (Chapter 3). In the Bible the serpent tempts the woman, and she buys into his deception, even though she knew the truth, therefore knew the deception. She blames the serpent for deceiving her! But the truth is that she was delighted and pleased by the appearance of the apple. She wanted that apple, and it was attractive to her before the serpent ever came along, and the serpent only sweetened the deal. She wanted what she wanted, and took it. To believe that it is the serpents fault is ridiculous and untruthful. Moreover, the man was sucked into the picture and when he got caught he blamed God, saying, The woman YOU gave me caused me to do it. Genesis 3:1-12 - The Fall of Man Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, "Indeed, has God said, 'You shall not eat from any tree of the garden'?" The woman said to the serpent, "From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, 'You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.'" The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die!For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Then the LORD God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?" He said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself." And He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" The man said, "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate." Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" And the woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate." We are all born with the urge, need, and desire to justify our actions, especially when we are exposed (caught doing something stupid). Justification is simple; its a cover up, a shift of responsibility, and a false belief. The Bible declares that Satan, before his fall, was the covering of the glory of the throne of God.

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He covered before he fell, as that was his nature. He is still covering now. When we do something we know is wrong we do in hiding, we sneak, or we do it covertly. We often lie about what we are going to do so that we are not foiled in our plot. Regardless of what it is, when we cover us our bad deeds, we are doing the very thing that the man and the woman did with the serpent and God. To justify our actions by lying, blaming, or deflecting is also the statement of victimhood, a stance of helplessness, and a decree of utter weakness. We dont want to even appear to be responsible or accountable. We often convince ourselves of our own lies, believing that we are victims, when the entire time we know that we are lying to cover our deeds. Insane. All originators are caught / exposed eventually, and when they are caught justification is the first line of their defense, using it as a really good deflection, a mechanism to get out of trouble. It is also a childlike fantasy, a delusion, and an attempt to get out of the consequence of the bad act. However, the deflection (justification) does not take away the consequence, but it does cause the consequence to grow and get worse. The flesh part of us (sinful nature) will always attempt to justify the lame choices we make. Our flesh will always try to cover up our up our bad choices, flaws, faults, and lies. Our flesh, in the attempt to cover ourselves from the poor choices we have made will search out and find a justification, thus blaming others for what we did. Romans 5:8-10 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. No one likes to be caught or exposed of the bad things we have done. It all started with the Man and the Woman in the Garden. They claim that the serpent tricked them, and it was Gods fault for making the woman. But were they really deceived at all? Wait, who put the crafty serpent in the garden in the first place? What chance did the man and woman have against the wiles of the serpent? Well, we can't blame the serpent because God had told the man what he could do and what he couldn't do. The man then told the woman what God had said, but he added a few words to God's proclamation. The man exaggerated to the woman about what God had declared. Perhaps the man did not trust the woman and he felt compelled to make it worse than what it was to scare her into compliance to Gods orders. But you can't blame the man because the woman lusted after the fruit of the tree that she was not to eat. She really wanted it, so did the serpent really deceive her? Did the man back up the woman, or did he blame her when God asked what had happened? Did the woman take responsibility? What about the man and woman's children, Cain and Abel? Did they follow the ways of their parent? We know Abel didn't, but Cain did. God asked Cain and Abel to present an offering in a certain way. Abel was obedient and Cain presented an offering that glorified Cain. Cain did not like being exposed, so he blamed his brother, and then killed him out of anger, feeling justified. These acts were all acts of the flesh, the flesh is the part of us that is without God, and it is opposed to God, and in alignment with Satan (hiding and covering up in shame and guilt). The Word of God has declared something totally different. The Bible declares that Jesus is our justifier, and that we are set free from the guilt of the offense (sin nature). Jesus covered all our sins, redeeming us, and giving us liberty/freedom. Jesus has paid the cost for our sins, and we are saved by His grace (unmerited favor), set free from the death penalty (eternal death). The Bible declares that Jesus has justified us, meaning that as sinners we needed to be held accountable for our actions (justice), but that He has stepped into our place and took our penalty upon Himself. Jesus declares that justice has been served, stating that He stepped in and paid for our unjust acts, thus setting us free. Therefore, justification is needed; its real, appropriate, normal, typical, and righteous. But our choice is between our own fleshly justification or the one offered by Jesus. If our justice or justification comes through our flesh, its bad, and we pay a huge price. If our justice or justification comes through the Spirit of Truth (Jesus) then we have eternal life and we are not penalized. Moreover, we can grow and prosper in the present day because the justification through Jesus is totally amazing as it pertains to our personal growth. The Bible has many references to justification, but none better than Romans chapter 8. Romans 8:30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

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Romans 8:30, declares that Jesus justified us totally and completely, so justice has been served. There is no need to cover up our sins, lie about our actions, blame others for the stupid, retarded, and lame things we have done. When we cover up our lame behaviors we are trying to avoid shame, but we get more shame by attempting to cover them. When we cover up our foolish acts we are trying to avoid guilt and condemnation. When we cover up our dumb choices we are trying to shift the blame to others, making our selves look like victims. Fleshly justification is all ridiculous in the first place, especially when Jesus has set us free, paid our price, and seated us in the Heavenly places (at His right hand while we were sinners). To receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior is to receive the final justification, the redemption, the freedom, and the glory of eternal life with God. Jesus is the truth, the life, and the way to the Father. It starts with receiving the gift of justification, where we dont have to blame others, we dont have to lie, and we dont have to justify our actions. We can be honest, real, and truthful, and own up to our poor choices. Thus, making us attractive, respected, and trusted. Additionally, inherent in our flesh and the fleshly system that Satan set up which is the spirit of performance (Satan was banished from heaven and sent to be the ruler of this world. Jesus declared Satan to be the god of this world, our flesh). We are so driven by performance, and our whole lives revolve around performance. We are taught to please our parents, teachers, and all authority figures. As young children we receive the love and appreciation from their parents when we are good, and we get their wrath (disapproval) when we perform bad. Young children believe that they under pressure to perform. As they get older and start to fail to perform (fail to live up to expectations) and they disappoint their parents, they begin to cover up their failures so that they dont lose their parents approval and good graces. Soon kids become comfortable with hiding their transgressions from the parents, thus continuing to receive their parents approval even when they are bad. Kids then push the envelope and start doing things they are not allowed to do, and soon they feel comfortable being deceptive. Covering up their bad behaviors allows them to look good to their parents and continue to receive their affection, respect, trust and love, and have a good time cutting lose (drinking, smoking cigarettes, sneaking out, cutting class, having sex, etc.). This works out perfectly until they get caught. When they get caught they lose their parents love, and then all of a sudden the parents are gay, stupid, and retarded. All of this nastiness is based on our internal and inherent need to justify our actions and behaviors, good or bad. Its our sin nature and it is shown in the man and the woman in the Garden of Eden. Jesus came to satisfy our need for justification, thus setting us free from the cycle of sin and cover up. Jesus came to give us the gift of live by becoming our justification. What does it take to receive Jesus justification and the free gift of freedom? What does it take to become attractive, respected, and trusted even when we make stupid choices? It takes faith, faith in Jesus Christ, the belief that His justification covers all of our bad acts, stupid choices, and lame acts. Our faith in Jesus is putting faith in His grace (paying the price for our sins) and accepting Him as our Lord and Savior, acknowledging that the need for justification will eventually steal everything good. Instead of being like the originator (man and woman in the garden) we receive Jesus into our hearts and become born again; justified once and for all, set free from the law of sin and death, and given grace (covering all our flaws, faults, and shortcomings). Jesus is our example. He came to show us the way. He compels us to follow Him. Jesus never justified his actions or behaviors. He never defended himself, nor did he blame anyone for his actions. Jesus didnt even defend himself with He was brought before the Sanhedrin, the Jewish Council, the Roman Governor, or Pontus Pilot. He was being accused unjustly. Jesus didnt defend himself to Judas betrayal. He never made excuses for himself for any reason. Jesus allowed God to be His defender and His justification. This gift He gave us is the freedom from fleshly justification. We can reject Jesus, and His gifts, and stay with our flesh justification, and keep lying, covering up, and get caught in humiliation and shame. This week lets explore the New Testament as it pertains to justification. Be ready to work with Shawn regarding Originators and Responders, and how they are linked to justification. Both Originators and Responders are equally caught in the insanity of justification. You can easily see that the Dance of Insanity is caused directly by the Originator and the Responder as they justify their acts of offense. To let go of the need (compulsion) to lie and cover up our poor choices allow us to mature emotionally and spiritually. To overcome the need to be justified about our lame and retarded behaviors is to be successful in every arena of life, to meet our dreams and desires, and to become who we have been destined to be. It also means that we are respected, loved, supported, and trusted. Below are some of many scriptures that define and disclose the secrets and power of the justification. You already know the justification of the flesh, and how justifying through the flesh causes so much drama, pain, loss of respect and trust. The justification of the flesh is guaranteed loss and regret.

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Luke 10:28-30 And He said to him, "You have answered correctly; DO THIS AND YOU WILL LIVE." But wishing to justify himself, he said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" Jesus replied and said, "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. Luke 16:14-16 Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, were listening to all these things and were scoffing at Him. And He said to them, "You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God.The Law and the Prophets were proclaimed until John; since that time the gospel of the kingdom of God has been preached, and everyone is forcing his way into it. Galatians 3:7-9 Therefore, be sure that it is those who are of faith who are sons of Abraham. The Scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, preached the gospel beforehand to Abraham, saying, "ALL THE NATIONS WILL BE BLESSED IN YOU." So then those who are of faith are blessed with Abraham, the believer. Luke 18:13-15 "But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!' "I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted." And they were bringing even their babies to Him so that He would touch them, but when the disciples saw it, they began rebuking them. Romans 2:12-14 For all who have sinned without the Law will also perish without the Law, and all who have sinned under the Law will be judged by the Law; for it is not the hearers of the Law who are just before God, but the doers of the Law will be justified. For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, Romans 3:3-5 What then? If some did not believe, their unbelief will not nullify the faithfulness of God, will it? May it never be! Rather, let God be found true, though every man be found a liar, as it is written, "THAT YOU MAY BE JUSTIFIED IN YOUR WORDS, AND PREVAIL WHEN YOU ARE JUDGED." But if our unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say? The God who inflicts wrath is not unrighteous, is He? (I am speaking in human terms.) Romans 3:19-21 Now we know that whatever the Law says, it speaks to those who are under the Law, so that every mouth may be closed and the entire world may become accountable to God; because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, Romans 3:27-29 Where then is boasting? It is excluded by what kind of law? Of works? No, but by a law of faith. For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from works of the Law. 9Or is God the God of Jews only? Is He not the God of Gentiles also? Yes, of Gentiles also, Romans 4:2 2 For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. Romans 8:14 It is our sincere desire that you and your entire family grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that you experience every blessing that comes from a life lived in and through Jesus Christ our Lord.

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Past Issues What are they? Do you know?

Ephesians 2 - And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Therefore remember that formerly you, the Gentiles in the flesh, who are called "Uncircumcision" by the so-called "Circumcision," which is performed in the flesh by human hands-- remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. What are past issues? Well, if you really want to know dont look to a new student of Abundant Life Academy for the answers. New students come to ALA because they have no clue what their past issues are. The new student knows all about his/her past issues, as they can recite them blow-by-blow. However, to know about past issues is not the same thing as to know them. Everyone knows President Obama, but do they really know him? Only a handful of people can truly say that they actually know President Obama, and the rest of us only know about him. This is true about past issues. If the new ALA student doesnt know what his/her past issues are, meaning at the deepest level he/she has absolutely no clue what their past issues are, then it is no wonder that they are enrolled at ALA. To not know (in-depth) your past issues is to be lost, confused, and destined to repeat the same old negative choices over and over again and never realize that you are harming yourself. To not know (intimately) your past issues is to be trapped, paralyzed, and a victim of your own doing. Victims blame, and dont get better, nor do they have understanding, and they just become more victimized. Therefore, to know what your past issues are is to know freedom. To know what your past issues are, in depth and intimately, is to know liberty. Therefore, I beg to ask the question Is it important to know that you dont know your past issues? Yes it is! However, most emotionally immature teens dont care to know, because their retarded parents cause their problems anyway. Meaning, its so much easier to play the victim and blame others. Consequently, they dont even know that they dont know, therefore they dont seek, and therefore they are not set free! Most teens are stubborn and hate to admit that they dont know about themselves. Especially males! They hate to look stupid, so they pretend to know what is going on, only to fail, and they look more foolish than had they been honest in the first place. Teens dont naturally practice self-reflection, meaning they dont look deep within themselves with the determination to find out why they are where they are, and how they got there. As a victim teens cant see their part in what led them to ALA. It is easier to blame others and to deflect responsibility. Additionally, if they are in denial as to their own contribution toward their being enrolled into ALA then they dont have to do any hard work. It is, to the struggling teen, easier to blame and justify, than it is to do some deep introspective work. Its hard for anyone to take full responsibility for where we are in life, especially teens that are emotionally immature. Emotional maturity would require the struggling teen to take responsibility and hold them selves accountable. So, the emotionally immature student is stuck, will stay stuck, and will continue to get more of what they dont want, and less of what they are looking for. Past Issues are the lies that we believe. Past issues are not events, incidents, or any action that produces a negative outcome. Past Issues are the lies we believe that create our negative events and incidents. To overcome the negative outcomes created by our past issues (lies we believe) is to end the power of the lies that created the negative outcomes. Therefore, our goal is to replace the lies with the truth, but first you must be open to the prospect that we have lies that we believe that have lead to our own detrimental outcomes. For example, if a teen feels (is convinced) unworthy it is because he believes that he is unworthy. If the feelings of unworthiness are lies, but he acts on them as if they were true, there will be nothing but negative outcomes. Believing and acting out lies can cause havoc, destruction, loss and regret.

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A person who believes he is unworthy doesnt invest in himself, or respect himself, nor does he give himself good things of any kind. Therefore, there is no future or positive destiny, and the fact that he doesnt invest in himself only proves or reinforces that he is unworthy. Do you really know what your past issues are, or do you just know about them? Is it important to know what your past issues are? Is it important to know that you dont know what your past issues are? If past issues are the lies that you believe, and the lies you believe hurt you, isnt it important to know what your past issues are? Its time to figure these things out and to really know the lies that you believe. What are they? Can you list them? Do you know them? Lets find out.

Past Issues - Homework

Now is the time for us to address the past issues. When we say past issues, we mean the past issues of the child and also the parents. There have been mistakes on both sides and as we address these issues we will be using kindness, respect, and we will honor each other. This is not about accusing each other; this is about loving each other through a very tough time. As parents, it is important that you hold your child accountable, but also be willing to hold yourself accountable. It is also important that both sides understand that this is not a time of judgment. Mother Teresa said, If you judge people, you have no time to love them. As we deal with the issues of the past, please remember that this is a time to own up for our own choices, not condemn another for their choices. We all know that our past cant be changed; yet at some level, we often remain trapped by our past choices. It is possible to resolve these past issues and to change how you view these past experiences. We are going to use the following format to work through the past issues. Please remember that when we share our pain in an unhealthy manner we make ourselves and those around us unhealthy with us. When we choose to share our pain in a healthy manner, there is healing for ourselves and all those around us. Please take some time and answer the following question, answering how true the I statements are, or are not. If they are not true, then be ready to explain the outcome of not taking responsibility or accountability for the mistakes we have made, and at the same time the outcome of holding others responsible (being hypocrites how do we feel about hypocrites? Do we like them? Respect them? If we are a hypocrite what does that mean about the way we see ourselves? Could this be the basis of all of our problems?) I state my own past mistakes, not those of others: I state why I made the choices that I did, not blaming, justifying, nor excusing I state how this affected myself, my relationship with God, my family and my friends I state the areas that I want to change and how I am going to make these changes

Forgiveness what is forgiveness and how do we use it?

Act 26:18 to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in me. Conversation between me, and myself. What is forgiveness? Is it something valuable? Is it worth anything? Is it hard to access or hard to use? Can we operate (live and function) without knowing how to forgive? Can we ignore forgiveness and avoid the complications that come with the failure to forgive? Why is it important? Ive heard so many things about forgiveness as if it something extremely important. But no one has ever told me why its so important and what will happen if I dont get this forgiveness thing down. I guess what I am admitting is that I dont know what forgiveness is, but I do know that many people feel that it is so important. I have avoided it for so long, so could my lack of understanding be the cause of many of my problems? Should I know what forgiveness is and learn how to forgive? What if I mess up, and find that I cant forgive? Who is going to teach me anyway. No one will know if I am clueless about forgiving. Being clueless about something important doesnt turn out so well, but I dont want to look stupid.

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And, do I need to forgive myself too? How do I do that? I guess I realize, deep down, that forgiveness is very important and I have to know what it is and how to deal with it. So, I know it is very important to know about forgiveness and I also know that I dont know anything about it, but I really need to know because its too important to not know. Am I okay not knowing but want to know? Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. When we were young, somewhere before our 10 th birthday, we were most likely just like every other young child; we were most likely resilient, flexible, adaptive, and more importantly, forgiving. Just think for a moment do you personally know, or are you aware of any child, younger than the age of 10, that is bitter, resentful, or holding on to grudges? Hard to imagine isnt it? Jesus said that to come into the Kingdom of God, to receive eternal life, we must enter as a child. What did He mean by that? Perhaps, among other things, Jesus meant that we can only receive the Kingdom of God by being childlike as it pertains to forgiveness; being without grudges, resentment, or bitterness, completely free from the obstructions, wounds, and ugly chasms of unforgiveness. Perhaps Jesus was referring to forgiveness, perhaps He wasnt. But the truth is that unforgiveness is ugly, cruel, and deadly. Deadly? Yes, it is a death to future opportunity, death to most, if not all, relationships, and it is death to anything that is potentially grand or glorious in our life. There is a reference from Biblical times regarding a custom that the ancient people used to deal with murderers. To punish the murderer for committing murder the village leaders would take the victims body and bind it to the murderer. The dead body would be completely bound, face-to-face, to the murderer, and the murderer would be unable to be set free from the decaying body of death. Eventually the murderer would die a slow and painful death as the decaying body of his victim became poisonous. What a grotesque way to die! Very hard to imagine the agony the murderer would go through, unable to free himself from the stench of the decaying body, unable to free himself from the poison emitted by the dying carcass. Unforgiveness is a very similar event, almost identical to the punishment described above. The only difference is that unforgiveness is a self-imposed death, a circumstance that is totally avoidable, something that everyone is capable of doing, if they are willing. The truth is that when we fail to forgive, and we hold on to the offense, we are binding a decaying poisonous body of death to ourselves. We soon go from being offended, to being wounded, to being resentful, to being bitter. The complete process of going from offense to bitterness is the identical process the dying body goes through as it is bound to us, emitting stench and poison, until it consumes us and eventually kills us. So, to answer one question. Is it important to know about forgiveness? The answer is an emphatic, Yes! But what if we dont know anything about forgiveness? Its okay to not know, but it is not okay to stay there in I dont know! Once you understand that its very important to know, but dont know, then you are poised to come to know! Forgiving oneself is the first step of knowing forgiveness. If you cant forgive yourself then give up forgiveness all together. No one can grow and live a full life without knowing how to forgive themselves. Forgiving oneself is one of the single most important things any one person can know. Forgiving yourself is the foundation to every encounter a person will experience. To the degree that someone is able to forgive themselves will be the degree of success they will enjoy success in every area of their life. Otherwise we are binding ourselves to the body of death. If unforgiveness is binding ourselves to a decaying body then that is something we have to deal with. Essentially, if we dont, we stink and our life stinks that body has to go. Over the course of many years we will make many regrettable choices, really screw up, hurt others severely, and do all kinds of dumb things. Without forgiveness each screw up is like a 5-pound weight. If we dont discard them as they happen (through forgiveness) pretty soon we will be so weighted down we wont be able to move. Forgiving oneself is all about being reasonable, having a good attitude, being secure, dependable, consistent, faithful, and resilient. All these things are extremely important and they all hinge on our ability to forgive, forget, and let go of all the dumb mistakes weve made. When we can forgive ourselves we can then certainly have empathy for others, and forgive them as well. Having a clean slate for yourself is vital to being able to function in life, as well as to experience healthy fulfilling relationships with others. Otherwise we would eventually be filled with self-hatred to the point that no one, including ourselves, could even bare to be around us.

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Someone, if given long enough, will wound everyone, close to us, someone we love, and someone that is supposed to be our confidant, close friend, or personal advocate. No one escapes the experience of extreme disappointment, betrayal, or the act of being let down by someone meaningful, someone we depend upon and count on to be there when we need them the most. This is an experience that everyone comes to have at least once in his or her life. And, in every case, it is devastating, very painful, creating indescribable agony, and very hard to overcome. It is here that we either learn to live and love, or die and perish. We are either going to find a way to overcome this wounding, or fail to life from this point on. To hold on to a wound given to us by someone else will lead us to becoming resentful, bitter, and then eventually it will cause a death within us. And, instead of freedom to live, we have imprisoned ourselves and have nothing more than enslavement to hate (hating self, hating others). Again, if we see unforgiveness as the decaying body bound to us face-toface, we can see the ugliness of failing to forgive. We dont want to be bound to a dead body as it decays, that is so gross it is hard to even image the agony you would go through as the body breaks down. All the stench, the poison, and then pain from the attachment to the dead body would be more than anyone could take. If our unforgiveness is like the dead body we must do whatever it takes to get rid of it, for our own sakes. Matthew 26:27-29 And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you; for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins. Forgiveness is the reason for Jesus Christ as Lord, Savior, and Master. We have a need to be forgiven, as the Bible declares, we have all fallen short of the glory of God! Meaning, every single person who lives will fail at one point, disappointing themselves or others. Everyone will betray someone else; its just a matter of time. Everyone will lie, deceive, yell and scream saying nasty things to another person. Everyone will be selfish and self-centered while screwing someone else out of his or her rightful place. Everyone will steal or take something that is not theirs. Everyone will break or destroy someone elses belongings. Everyone will experience the human condition of harming someone else through betrayal, disappointment, lying, deceiving, cheating and/or offence. We all will harm another person eventually, if only given long enough. Therefore, we are all in the need of forgiveness, redemption, being set free from all the offence we have created. Over the span of a lifetime it can get pretty messy as you tally up all the bad things youve done. Jesus is Gods answer to setting us free from every negative thing we have ever done, or ever will do. Jesus, and the forgiveness of our sins, is the Gospel of God (good news of God. Gospel means, Good news). If we can recognize that we will hurt others but want to be forgiven (so it doesnt add up over the course of a life time), then the next step is to have empathy for others as they hurt us! If we want the benefit of forgiveness from others but we wont forgive others, then we are big fat hypocrites. Forgiveness is a two-way street, always! Meaning, we need to be forgiven and we need to forgive others just the same. Forgiving others is very tough, and its not for cowards (only cowards refuse to forgive others). Forgiving those who harm us is totally essential and cant be avoided without major consequence. To fail to forgive others for offending us is like failing to eat or breath. Eventually the lack of forgiveness will kill us by killing all of our relationships. Those that fail to forgive others become victims, and victims perish. As victims we become bitter, suspicious, guarded, and expect others to harm us. We become fearful and insolate ourselves from further harm. Unfortunately, we can block the good relationships while protecting ourselves from the bad. By forgiving those who have hurt us we are not letting them off the hook or setting them free from responsibility for what they have done. We are not forgetting what they have done either. By forgiving them we are setting ourselves free, and we are enabling us to continue to grow and prosper. By forgiving others for what they have done to us we are acknowledging our worth, and our sense of worthiness. We are not allowing the harm to fester or to continue to harm us. We are letting go of what was done, and moving on with experience and wisdom, but most importantly free from the harm of the offence. Therefore, to forgive others is to be empathic and understanding that we ourselves have done the same thing. Since we all fail and fall short, and we all hurt and harm others, it makes totally sense to forgive others for what they have done, especially if it is going to set us free. The healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is to forgive those who have harmed us, appreciate the fact that others have forgiven us, and to be thankful for the entire system of forgiveness. How much should we forgive, and should we forgive every incident? Forgive the whole thing, all of it? Why not? And, Yes! We are to forgive every incident Absolutely! We should forgive every incident that has ever happened to us because we want to be set free from the incident. But understand that forgiving another doesnt mean that we forget what they have done.

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If someone has harmed us greatly, we can forgive him or her and at the same time never have anything to do with them ever again. Some harmful incidents would make it impossible for the relationship to continue. When an adult molests a child, that adult should NEVER be trusted with a child again. Ever! We can forgive the adult for what they have done, and move on. But we are not stupid, and we dont have to put ourselves in that same position ever again. Forgiveness and trust are not the same. We can forgive those completely and still not have any trust for them, and that is okay! However, if we fail to forgive those who have harmed us we are forever attached to them and bound to what they did to us. Meaning their offence continues to offend us even if they are not anywhere near us. We have established that most of us dont have a clue how important forgiveness is, and that we probably havent ever even thought deeply about the importance of forgiveness. We have also established that we dont know how to forgive, but it is very important to forgive ourselves as well as to forgive others. Otherwise we are binding a body of death to ourselves, or weighing our selves down with unnecessary heaviness until we can no longer move (relationally). We have established the fact that we dont know, but that it is very important that we do know, all about forgiveness. We have established that we need to forgive ourselves first and foremost, and if we dont we cant grow or prosper. Essentially we are stuck in a rut and cant get out, weighted down by loss and regret, unwilling or unable to let go and be free. We have also established that we need to forgive others so that we are not negatively affected by their offence, but we dont have to forget what theyve done or allow them another chance to do it again. We have established that through empathy (knowing that we have hurt others and we want to be forgiven allows us to give the same to others, setting them and ourselves free from the offence) we can forgive others and set ourselves free, no matter what they have done to us. Lastly, we have established that the good news that Jesus brought to all men is that we are forgiven by his blood covenant (his death and resurrection) and we all can enjoy the benefits of His forgiveness. In order to receive the benefits of what Jesus did (the benefits are eternal life and present freedom) we need to repent (turn from our mistakes, acknowledging that they were made, take responsibility for what weve done, make plans to overcome it and stop doing it) and forgive those who have harmed us, receive the Holy Spirit (clean spirit from God) as His free gift (grace), and enjoy the freedom that His mercy has allowed us to have. The whole thing about forgiveness can be wrapped up in the following Scripture Acts 2:38 Peter said to them, " Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. What is forgiveness? Do we know forgiveness? Do we really know what it is to be forgiven? Or, do we really know what it is to forgive someone else, truly forgiving them? Do we even know how important forgiveness is? Do we have any clue? Is it something we can dismiss, forget about, and put off until later? Is it something important, something that needs our full attention, our best effort? What happens when we fail to forgive ourselves or others? What are the consequences?

Forgiveness - Homework
Forgiving Others - Direction from God Forgiving others may seem to be a choice, and in one sense it is a choice, but God has been very clear about forgiveness. He has given us specific direction in numerous Scriptures, all of which can be summed up in just one word -- forgive! God's Word says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25). "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (Luke 6:37). God is saying that it is in our own best interest to forgive! He is not talking about what is in the best interest of the person who needs to be forgiven. We are the ones who God is trying to protect. We are the ones who receive the most benefit from forgiveness, not the other person. A spirit of unforgiveness complicates and compromises our daily walk with God. Forgiving others releases us from anger and allows us to receive the healing we need. The whole reason God has given us specific direction is because He does not want anything to stand between Him and us. God's love for us is beyond our comprehension. Forgiving others spares us from the consequences of living out of an unforgiving heart. Forgiving others does not carry with it a single decision that we need to ponder. God has not qualified one sin as being more grievous to Him than another and He has not qualified one sin committed against us as warranting forgiveness and another not.

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For example, God is not saying, "If a person lies to you or steals from you, you should forgive him, but if they abuse you or harm your child, you can hold them in unforgiveness." He is saying to forgive everyone, always, and do it immediately. Forgiving others often starts as a decision of surrender-an act of our will. This surrender invites God to begin working in our lives in a deeper level, allowing God to heal us. We can ask God to enlighten us with the understanding that we need to fully forgive from our hearts. We simply need to make the choice to be open to forgiveness and reconciliation. Remember, forgiveness does not justify the deed or the person and it does not provide God's forgiveness for their actions, because only God can do that. While nothing can undo the past, we can do something about the condition of our own present and future. Forgiving others makes a way for our own healing to begin. Forgiving Yourself - A Belief System Forgiving yourself is essential. There is a tendency in all of us to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps you have been one who can justify forgiving others, even for a heinous offense, yet you find no justification for forgiving yourself for an equal or lesser offense. Perhaps you believe that forgiving yourself is not even a consideration because you think you must hold yourself in a state of constant remembrance, lest you forget. Perhaps you believe there is a price, some form of life-long penance that you must pay. Forgiving Yourself - The Divine Example Forgiving yourself is not specifically addressed in the Bible, but there are principles regarding forgiveness that should be applied. For example, when God forgives us, it states that He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34). This does not mean that our all-knowing Father God forgets, but rather, because He forgives us, He chooses not to bring up our sin in a negative way. Peter said, "In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality" (Acts 10:34). Applying "no partiality" to the issues of forgiveness, God does not choose to forgive one person and not another. He forgives everyone who believes in Jesus Christ. Applying His "no partiality" standards to ourselves, it is just as important to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others. Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. It is about not bringing the offense up to yourself in negative ways. Forgiving yourself is simply letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on with God. If God has moved on, shouldn't we do the same? Philippians 4:9 states that we are to put into practice those things that we have learned from God and from His Word. To continue to rehearse in our thoughts the events of our transgression opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Forgiving Yourself - Personal Action Proverbs 16:25 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." The energy it takes to harbor anger, hatred, and resentment towards yourself is exhaustive. Every bit of energy we give to negative activities and dwelling on regrets, robs us of the energy we need to become the person God wants us to be. Life is full of choices and every choice we make will either take us in a positive, life-giving direction or rob us of the opportunity to be a life-giving individual. Forgiving ourselves does not let us off the hook, it does not justify what we have done, and it is not a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength, and it gives us the opportunity to become an over comer rather than remaining a victim of our own scorn. If you do not forgive yourself of past sins, it is a form of pride. Whenever we enact a different set of rules, a higher set of standards for our self over others that is pride. When we can find it within our self to forgive others, but not ourselves, we are saying that we are less capable of making a poor decision than others. We are somehow more intuitive, wiser, more insightful, more careful than others, and therefore, we are without excuse and should not forgive ourselves. When we reject the forgiveness extended to us by God and others, when we refuse to forgive ourselves, what we are doing is setting ourselves above others and that is pride! Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a

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fall." Un-forgiveness of oneself will bring self-destruction, a haughty spirit, and a fall. Christian forgiveness will bring peace. We will use the following format to practice forgiveness, answer the following questions thoroughly. Who have I hurt in life? Who do I need to ask for forgiveness? Why is it important that I apologize for the hurt that I have caused? Why is it important that I ask their forgiveness? What do I need to forgive others for? Why is it important that I forgive others? What do I need to forgive myself for? Why is it important that I forgive myself?

Submission to Authority - Obedience is only for the strong!

There comes a day in every mans life (every woman too) where being obedient is no longer hard, and its not even a struggle. As a matter of fact, I might even say that its even enjoyable. For the young man, or young woman, being obedient is as foreign as chop sticks at a catfish buffet in Alabama, or grits in a Chinese restaurant. Obedience (submission to authority) and young people mix about as well as egg salad mixes with dirt. The two just dont go together. So, young people, specifically teenagers, dont know obedience, or at least they dont mix well. When you think of the word teenager you think of rebel. When you think of word obedience, you think of a monk. I cant even imagine a teenage monk. Essentially, it can be stated that most teenagers are not thought of as being obedient, nor do they readily submit to authority. But the real question is, should they know obedience and submit to authority? Is there any benefit? Romans 5:19 For as through the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, even so through the obedience of the One the many will be made righteous. Obedience can be easy. For the person driving a tank down the street everyone in his way becomes obedient, or they get run over. Essentially, we all can be compelled to obedience through force or threat. But only the strongest can choose obedience, because it is one of the toughest behaviors there are. A cowardly teenager dares not to even think about attempting to be obedient, because only the strongest teens can submit to authority. Is it cruel to even ask a mere teen to do something that is so difficult as to submit to authority? It can be stated that we are not naturally obedient, but we are naturally rebellious. Any idiot can be rebellious, and it doesnt take much intelligence or forethought. Therefore, those who can be obedient are a part of the few, and we call them the 5 Percenters (5%). These 5-percenters are those who lead the other 95% around by the nose. It is an exclusive club, with few real members, because only a few can be obedient and enjoy the fruit of obedience. Anyone can be a rebel, or disobedient. Being disobedient is no big deal, and there is no honor in it whatsoever. To be disobedient is to be conformed to the rest of the people. There is nothing unique or unusual about being a disobedient conformist, its a display of someone who is weak. Matthew 8:4-10 And Jesus said to him, "See that you tell no one; but go, show yourself to the priest and present the offering that Moses commanded, as a testimony to them." And when Jesus entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, imploring Him, and saying, "Lord, my servant is lying paralyzed at home, fearfully tormented." Jesus said to him, "I will come and heal him." But the centurion said, "Lord, I am not worthy for you to come under my roof, but just say the word, and my servant will be healed.For I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, 'Go!' and he goes, and to another, 'Come!' and he comes, and to my slave, 'Do this!' and he does it." Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled and said to those who were following, "Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel.

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What is obedience? Most people have no clue what it is, or what it represents, and they certainly dont know what it leads to. Teens especially have no clue what obedience is, and to know obedience puts you in an exclusive club where only a few are bon-a-fide members. To be obedient to authority is to be intelligent, to be empowered, to be a leader with influence, to be rich in ways that goes well beyond material wealth. To know obedience you must first know authority, and authority is even harder to know than obedience. Basically, to know obedience you must know authority; to know one is to know the other. Romans 6:16 Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? The skydiver must be obedient to gravity, and when he is obedient to gravity, he is respecting gravity, as his authority. After jumping out of an airplane at 10,000 feet, the skydivers authority is gravity. To respect gravity is to have a good, well packed, parachute. Being obedient to gravity is a little different than respecting its authority. To be obedient is to put on the parachute in the first place, and to be obedient and respectful to the authority (gravity) the skydiver can then have fun, lots of fun. He has a blast, a thrill, and a rush that goes beyond mere words. But what would it look like for the skydiver to be disobedient to gravity? Who would win the skydiver or gravity? As the authority, gravity rules over all skydivers. To be obedient and respectful to gravity means the one submitting to the authority of gravity (in this case its the skydiver) has fun and lots of it. Essentially, one can say that the successful skydiver intimately knows obedience. And, one can say that the unsuccessful skydiver is an idiot, and this will be his last jump. Disrespecting authority is stupid, plain and simple. To fail to be obedient to authority is even stupider. To know obedience is to be obedient, and the wisdom of obedience is great, and you get to have lots of fun. There is no wisdom to disobedience, not even a speck; there is only loss and regret, experiencing less than zero. God calls us to be obedient to His Spirit, to follow/believe in His Son, which is true obedience. Disobedience is born in our thoughts, and then we, the inner man, chooses to follow ignore disobedience, or follow it. The consequences of both are extreme. To those who take control of disobedience, and deny it, is to be wise; the consequences of disobeying disobedience is awesome, and you get all the promises of God. To obey disobedient thoughts, is to disobey the Spirit of God, betraying yourself, giving up all that is promised for nothing good in return. 2 Corinthians 10:5-6 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, Is it easy to obey what is good? Absolutely not! But anyone can obey disobedience. To do so is no big deal, and as easy as breathing. Disobedience does not come naturally, and to fight it we will suffer. To be obedient to what is good is not easy at all, it is probably the hardest thing one can be asked to do, but the rewards are great. To be disobedient is no big feat; everyone can do it, without even thinking. To be obedient takes courage, strength, and one must suffer horribly, that is why only the strongest and best can be obedient. Any idiot or weak person can be disobedient; its not something to be proud of or to brag about. Youre really something when you can be obedient, especially when everyone else is being disobedient. Hebrews 5:8 Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered What is Submission to Authority and Obedience? Describe it in great detail as if you know what youre talking about. If you dont know what submission to authority and disobedience is, then please describe disobedience and rebellion to authority. Convince someone that being disobedient is the way to go, the way to be, and describe the brilliance in rebelling against authority.

Submission to Authority & Obedience - Homework

Ever since the human race fell into sin, there has been a rebellion to the idea of obedience and submission. In some ways, however, the hostility to this concept may be more intense today, than it has been for many years - perhaps for centuries. Today, just mention the word "submission," in some circles, and you open yourself to instant opposition, verbal attack and scorn. You might as well stick your head inside a hornet nest... the hornets will be friendlier!

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We live in a society in which these words are normally given evil connotations. So quite often, it becomes almost impossible to use the words the way the Bible uses them, without being misunderstood. To many people, for instance, the idea of "submission" implies weakness and cowardice. A person who demands someone else to "submit" is considered a person who delights in abusing others. (Those who make such accusations are rarely concerned about whether or not Scripture gives the person the authority to make such a demand.) To many people, a person who endorses "submitting" is considered a person who loves to beat others on the head with a baseball bat. It is true that many people do abuse the concept. Sin affects not only those who are supposed to submit, but also those who are supposed to be submitted to. Yet the fact the people on both sides distort the concept does not nullify what God has told us. Even if the entire world twists and distorts the concept of "submission," God's Word remains true. And the day will come in which God's words will prove right: It is the human race that will be shown to be speaking the lie. (Compare with Romans 3:4.) Both leadership and submission - when done the way the Bible instructs - are expressions of strength. And if done in ways contrary to the Word, both are an expression of weakness. In God's eyes, the person who submits in the way the Bible's instructs us is stronger than the leader, who refuses to follow God's Word and who mistreats those under his authority. We will use the following format for our understanding Authority & Obedience. Please answer the following questions: Have I followed the authority that God has placed in my life? Why do I have a problem with following and submitting to authority? Why do I choose rebellion in place of obedience? Why do I view rebellion as a form of strength? Why do I view submission as a being weak? What areas of my life do I need to submit to authority?

Manipulation and Submission to Authority

Do words have meaning, and does the heart or spirit behind a word matter? For example, the dictionary states that the definition of the word manipulation is skillful or artful management. The word manipulate is defined as to manage or handle with skill or cunning. Manipulation is not good or bad, and its certainly not evil. But why do we immediately tag a negative connotation to the word manipulate or manipulation? When you hear the word manipulation what comes to mind? Bad things, bad people, bad situations perhaps? Most people think of someone who is manipulative as being a con artist, a scammer, or someone who is shady. But is manipulation bad? Not according to the definition of the word. The word manipulation is actually more of a positive description than a negative one. More importantly, our words, and the meaning (spirit) behind them, are important. Romans 10:17, So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ. When you first read the definition above did you think to yourself, You gotta be kidding me! Manipulation, Skillful or artful management? There is no way that one would have guessed that the words manipulate and manipulation are more often than not thought to be a negative behavior by an untrustworthy shady character. But these words were never intended to depict negativity. Why are the words manipulation and manipulate negative? Because there are so many more people who manipulate negatively than there are those that manipulate positively. Especially among troubled teens. Many parents of Abundant Life Academy describe their troubled child to be a major manipulator. The truth is that todays youth are major manipulators, and way too many of them manipulate negatively. A friend of mine used to say, Kids these days are not immoral, theyre amoral. Meaning, they have no compass, no morality, and no internal boundaries. John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

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Obviously, the meaning of a word is very important. Jesus, the Word of God, was (is) the purpose of God, the plan of God, and the will of God. Words mean something. But, people have used the Word of God in bad ways, to start controversy, to hurt others, or even start wars. The Word of God is not bad, or evil, but people using it in bad and evil ways can and will hurt people. Every day people use Jesus name in inappropriate ways. The same is true with the word manipulation. People can manipulate others in such a way as to serve them, to keep them safe, and exercise no control over them (set them free). Yet others can use manipulation to lie, cheat, and steal from others, all the while CONTROLLING their every move. Again, the word manipulation is not the culprit. It is the heart of the person who is using manipulative tactics in a bad fashion that gives the word manipulation a bad rap. Bad, or negative manipulation, is the act of controlling others in a deceitful way, and most of the time against their will. Acts 5:3-5 But Peter said, "Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God." And as he heard these words, Ananias fell down and breathed his last; and great fear came over all who heard of it. Obviously Ananias lied to manipulate his friends into thinking he had done a great deed. He ended up deceiving only himself, suffering from loss and regret. He tried to manipulate the situation for his own gain. People manipulate situations, events, or other people. Some, like Ananias, manipulate situations in a self-centered, selfish way and paid the price. Some manipulate in positive ways, inspiring others, and using manipulation of situations, events, and people in a way that sets others free! This is exactly what Jesus did. Jesus used the corruption of the Jewish religious leaders to bring about a revelation of Himself, so Jesus manipulated the Jewish Scribes and Pharisees, not only revealing the Deity of Jesus but the unrighteousness (sinfulness) of religious leaders. Therefore, Jesus manipulated the situation to bring for the glory of Truth. Normally, when someone says, Ive been manipulated, or He is such a little manipulator, it means that someone has gotten over on us, cheated us, or misled us in a very demeaning way. However, the word manipulation is not a word describing a negative act of any sort. The word manipulation is a neutral word, meaning it is not good, or bad, its neutral. What determines whether the word manipulate is an act of kindness or an act of cruelty is the posture of ones heart. When someone manipulates a situation to serve the best interest of another, then the word manipulation reflects a positive pro-social act. On the other hand, if someone uses anything to manipulate a situation to serve themselves, at the detriment of others, then the word manipulation reflects a negative, self-centered act. Again, its all about the posture of ones heart. When a young man lies to his parents about whom he will be hanging out with (Im going to the movies with Johnny but instead of the movies with Johnny they are at a party at Joes) he is obviously attempting to manipulate their parents in a negative fashion. This is an overt act of self-centeredness and defiance, as well as being disrespectful to authority. When the young teen is caught later, he loses trust and respect. Therefore the manipulation is detrimental, causing loss and regret. Or, when a young lady tells their parents that she will be at the Mall with Susie, but in reality they are over at a friends house hooking-up with the boys, then obviously Susie is attempting to manipulate someone who cares for her. To manipulate a stranger is one thing, but to manipulate someone who loves and cares for you is far more detrimental. Of course, when Susies parents find out that she lied they are hurt deeply, and Susie loses dignity, self-respect, liberty, and trust. Yet Susie most likely will continue the manipulation of the situation and blame her parents. Susie, in the continued manipulation, acts like a victim, thus attempting to further manipulate her parents and the situation. But is manipulation bad, or is it Susies intentions (heart) that makes it bad? To manipulate someone is to compel them to act in a way that you would want them to act. When an employer hires a person and decides to pay this person a certain wage in exchange for services rendered, the paycheck is a form of manipulation. For example, a contractor negotiates with a plumber on a price for work on a construction project. The contractor, after careful analyses and consideration decides that he will pay $10,000 to the plumber to complete project A. The contractor tells the plumber that project A is a 5-day job, and it must be done on time. The plumber checks his figures, costs, and the blueprints and decides that it is a fair price and believes he can complete the job in the allotted time frame. But the contractor adds a twist. He offers the plumber an incentive. The contractor offers the plumber a $2,500 bonus if he can get the job done in 3 days. But thats not all. The contractor also states that if the job takes anymore than 5 days to complete, the plumber agrees to forfeit $2,500 of the original $10,000 as a penalty for being late. The plumber agrees to the deal and he sets off to do the job.

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The contractor manipulated the plumber through incentives and penalties. To the contractor there is a tremendous value to getting the job done quickly and a detriment if it takes too long. Time is money, says the contractor. So, what is the heart of the contractor in this case? Is he in it for himself, acting selfishly, or is he thinking about the other people involved? Essentially the pressure on the contractor is to complete the job as fast as possible without sacrificing quality work. The contractor is rewarded monetarily for getting the job done quickly. So, he decides to share his reward with the plumber, who just so happens to be the guy doing the work. Its a classic win-win situation if all goes well. The onus to perform well is on both parties, and the negative penalty for not getting the job done is shared as well. The contractor has manipulated the situation so that both parties can win, and if they lose, at least the loss is shared and not as painful. Lets say there is a motorcycle cop who routinely hides behind a billboard on Interstate 15, and is often found pointing his radar gun at oncoming traffic. Does this scenario constitute a threat? Is it manipulation? Is the presence of the radar gun a threat to anyone who is late for work, behind in schedule, or driving fast for no particular reason? That question is a nobrainer; of course the cop is a threat under these circumstances! To those going the speed limit however, the motorcycle cop with the radar gun is no threat at all. With the safe drivers that police officer represents safety and a peach of mind. How can it be both? Well, it depends upon which behavior you honor more, speeding or driving safely. The fact that the motorcycle cop regularly stands in that spot with his radar gun is a manipulation in and of itself, especially if this is something that he does periodically throughout the week. Anyone who regularly drives this route, expecting a motorcycle officer could possibly be behind the billboard with a radar gun, will most likely drive the speed limit. Therefore, the possible presence of the motorcycle cop, coupled with the threat of a $100 speeding ticket, compels (manipulates the drivers of Interstate 15 to drive safely and to keep it under the limit. What is the overall goal of the motorcycle cop? Well, if the goal is to line his pockets (paid bonus for writing the most tickets) then his attempt manipulate drivers is criminal. If the motorcycle cop believes that the road in that one stretch is dangerous (due to all the accidents caused by speeders) then we can be happy that the cop is doing his job. If the officers intention is to keep you and your children safe, then praise God that he is catching those who violate the law and put all of us in to jeopardy. Because, it is obvious that your health, safety and welfare is his (the officers) business and he is simply doing his job keeping you safe. Therefore, the motorcycle cop uses the radar to manage and control safe outcomes. Normally, when we come up against an authority that we dont agree with, and we dont want to adhere to an expectation, policy, or rule, we attempt to get around it, over it, or right through it. This is the usual time for a negative manipulation. When we do something we know is wrong, and we cover our tracks, we are trying to get away with something we know is not good. The cover up is the manipulation. The posture of our heart would be to get something that is not ours or we something we have not earned or something that has a consequence yet we dont want to get caught. Usually, we will find negative manipulation associated with an authority we are opposed to. 1 Timothy 6:2-4 Those who have believers as their masters must not be disrespectful to them because they are brethren, but must serve them all the more, because those who partake of the benefit are believers and beloved Teach and preach these principles. If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions So, negative manipulation (lying, deceiving, rebelling, etc) is usually brought out through ones defiance toward authority. Umm.. So, we dont want anyone telling us what to do or how to do it, so we manipulate people and situations (deceive) in order to get our way or to avoid responsibility/accountability. But is that smart? Is it intelligent to risk getting caught, or is it worth losing our self-respect or dignity in exchange for rebellion toward authority? Again, negative manipulation is usually associated with rebellion toward authority, and the negativity is an obvious outcome of the rebellious ones heart (darkness). What is manipulation? Why is it important to know what manipulation is? How do you manipulate? Are you advocating for your own selfish desires, or are you advocating for the best interest of others (acts of service)? The difference doesnt seem to be all that important to some people, but is it to you? Do you manipulate others for your own selfish gain? Does it work? Does it feel good? Is it worth it?

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Manipulation - Homework
Eight ways to spot emotional manipulation 1. There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around to suit them. 2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree - that is IF they didnt volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, "ok thanks" - they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they dont really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. 3. Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of whats been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity --You are experiencing emotional manipulation. 4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Anything is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. 5. Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They dont deal with things directly. They will talk around and behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. 6. If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor! No matter what your situation is, the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now - but only ten times worse. Its hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves. 7. Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry, the very room thrums with it - it brings a deep instinctual response to find some way to equalize the emotional climate, and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better - fixing whatever is broken for them. 8.Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior - it is always about what everyone else has "done to them" and they love being in the victim role as it allows them to never take any accountability for their own wrong choices. We will use the following format to understand Manipulation. Please answer the below questions: Why do we choose to manipulate? Who have I manipulated and why? How can I learn to quit manipulating in a negative manner? As a parent, how do I manipulate my child/As a child how do I manipulate my parents?

Respect! Do you know it?

You may know things about respect, but do you know it personally? Knowing about something doesnt mean you know anything real about it. For example, you can study all about Berlin, Germany. You can know everything there is to know about Berlin. But until you have visited Berlin, or better yet, lived in Berlin, you only know about it and you truly dont know anything, personally. To truly know anything about respect is to have exercised respect, and to truly know all about it is to know through experiencing Respect. Until youve truly known respect, through experience, you only know about it, and therefore you dont know squat. I guess you know somewhat about respect by knowing how to be disrespectful.

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But thats like knowing about Berlin by reading a book about Berlin. To be disrespectful is not even close to knowing respect. What happens when we are disrespected? If you are a normal person you would say that you are offended, hurt, or perhaps youd be very angry, which are all normal reactions to being disrespected. What is disrespect? There are many examples of disrespect, but what really is disrespect? Mocking someone is a form of disrespect. So, is mocking disrespect? No, it might be disrespectful, but it doesnt define disrespect entirely. Is lying disrespect? No, it too is a type of disrespect, and it certainly is disrespectful, but it doesnt define the term disrespect. If you ignore someone, is that disrespect? It is without a doubt disrespectful to ignore, but it doesnt rise to the level of defining the word disrespect. So what is disrespect? Why do I even ask? I ask because most teens know all about disrespect, but know nothing about respect. Well lets explore what respect is first, and then come back to defining disrespect later. Acts 28:9-11 After this had happened, the rest of the people on the island who had diseases were coming to him and getting cured. They also honored us with many marks of RESPECT; and when we were setting sail, they supplied us with all we needed. Respect is a status that we can achieve, earn, lose, give away, and get back. Wow there is not much out there that can do all that. For example, you cant take a dollar bill and achieve it. You can earn it, lose it, find it, give it away, and get it back, but you cant achieve it. Respect is a position where you can rise up to, protect, increase, and lose it entirely in a split second. Respect is a place where we can set a course to, journey to, and finally arrive only to find that you havent arrived at all, as there is always more to get. Respect is a substance that is tangible, producing real material, can be leveraged, and is used to get more, can cause fear, and it can have measurable power. Respect is something that we universally seek and there is more than enough to go around. Respect is definable, but fluid, always able to change its shape and form, but still remain the same. Respect is something that follows you, and can lead your way as it can open doors, provide opportunities, and deflect naysayers. Respect is probably one of the most unique, yet universal, elements that can be seen but looks entirely differently to everyone. Respect is an honor, and only those with integrity and power have true respect. Romans 12:17 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone, RESPECT what is right in the sight of all men Respect is something that is given, and received. Respect is something that will forge the way to new places, or take us back to ole tried and true proven grounds. Respect is new, and it is old. Respect is something that takes a very long time to earn, but it can all be lost in a flash. Respect is expected in most cases, earned in others, and cannot be stolen or faked, but can be transferred. Respect is a substance that is as real as a concrete block, and is unseen, all at the same time. Respect is one of the most indefinable elements of reality that we could ever see, but it does not have a shape or a form, and it can be recognized only by those who know it. Luke 20:12-14, And he proceeded to send a third; and this one also they wounded and cast out.The owner of the vineyard said, 'What shall I do? I will send my beloved son; perhaps they will RESPECT him.' But when the vinegrowers saw him, they reasoned with one another, saying, 'This is the heir; let us kill him so that the inheritance will be ours.' To really get down to defining respect is to refer to it as one of the most important, magnificent, incredible elements known to man. Respect can stop wars, or when it is not given, it can start wars. When we give respect we honor the person or organization that we give it to, humbling ourselves while elevating the person or group that it is given to, making us great. When we understand the power of respect, we are powerful. When we misuse respect, or give it to those who dont deserve it, or wont use it wisely, we hurt others as well as ourselves. There is not much more important in this world than respect. Ephesians 5:13 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she RESPECT her husband The truth is that most teens have no idea what respect is. However, they know what disrespect is. They may even know it intimately.

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Disrespect is not the opposite of respect, it is not the absence of respect, nor is it anywhere in the same ballpark of respect. Disrespect is to withhold something that is rightfully someone elses. To disrespect someone is to take something from them thats not ours to take; to steal, or to corrupt something that doesnt belong to us. To disrespect someone is to criticize others for something we cant do ourselves; to judge without merit, and to marginalize efforts of someone else when there is no way we could do it ourselves. Disrespect is negative, and uses more energy than its own worth, and takes something good and turns it into something bad, hurting only those who are in disrespect. Most teenagers have no idea what respect is, or how to use it, or why they should use it. They dont even know that they dont know. Disrespectful teens hurt themselves and their standing in life, yet they are blind and have no idea that their disrespect of the respectful is only hurting them. Being disrespectful to the respected creates a negative flow that cannot be made up, and creates a drag that cant be overcome. Its basically a lose-lose situation, where there are no winners, yet to those who are disrespectful cant see what and how they are harming themselves. 1 Timothy 3:2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, Respectable, hospitable, able to teach, Respect is a form of honor that can only be given to those who have earned it. Respect is a form of humble self-sacrifice that creates a place of power for those who are respectful as well as those being respected. But to be respectful, or to be respected, one must know how to respect and why. Without this knowledge, which is a true understanding that is earned, ultimately will cause loss and regret. Therefore, to exercise a high respect for respectfulness is the key to a life of success. For those that know respect, much respect is given. For those that protect respect, will be given more respect to protect. Again, respect is something that only the smartest, brightest, and strongest can handle. 1 Timothy 6:2 Those who have believers as their masters must not be DISRESPECTFUL to them because they are brethren, but must serve them all the more, because those who partake of the benefit are believers and beloved Teach and preach these principles. When a teenager respects authority (i.e., parents) he/she is like a skydiver who carefully packs his Shute. Respect to a teenager is do or die, make it or break it, success or failure. There is nothing more important to a teen than to exercise respect to the respected, to be respectful to authority, or to acknowledge with honor those who have power over our lives; the act of respect. For a police officer to yell, freeze as he pulls his gun and points it at you is the ultimate time to respect him. To pull your tuna sandwich out of your coat pocket as the officer yells, freeze is not exercising good judgment. Essentially, to pull out your tuna fish sandwich at a time of crisis is to live your life without knowledge and wisdom, thus respect. A teenager who understands and knows respect is a successful teen in all respects. As that teenager enters adulthood, to continue to know respect and to be respectful to those who are in authority ensures continued success. Respect and success are one in the same. Respect and power is also one in the same. To be respectful is to be powerful, and to be powerful is to know respect. How much respect should we give the authority over us? Well, it depends upon how much success you want. To the degree that youre willing to exercise respect toward those in authority is directly proportional to the success that you will enjoy. Partly respectful means partly successful. What authority should be respected? Well, when we pick and choose the authority that we respect will ultimately take away our potential for success. For those that know respect, know they cant pick and choose those they will respect. Respecting authority is to be the authority, and to the level we disrespect authority is the level of authority we will lose. There is a way for those under authority to be respectful to authority, even if they dont like or agree with a particular authority, and keep respect in tact. To those people, even teens, that respectfully disagree with authority in respectful ways, is the way to earning ultimate authority. So what is respect? The way to everything that is important. What is disrespect? The way to losing everything that is important. Do you know how and why to respect authority? No? Is it important to know how and why? Its okay not to know what respect is, but once you know how important respect is to know, not knowing is no longer an excuse, its stupidity. This week we are going to explore respect and respecting authority because it is one of the most important elements that we need to know, and ignorance is not a worthy excuse.

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This week we are going to explore the value of respecting the Word of God. Is it profitable to respect it, to explore it, or to consider its truth? Is there a value to respecting the Word? Do we respect the Word? Do we respect those that have a respect for God and His Word? Is there a value to respecting our parents? Is there a value to respecting authority in general? Is there a value in disrespecting our parents? Is it worth it? What do we gain? What do we lose? Do we know respect? Is it important to know respect? Is it at least important to know that we dont know respect?

Respect - Homework
I. What is it to respect another? Respect is to regard another with honor or esteem. Respect is also a willingness to show consideration or appreciation to someone. Answer this question in your own words. II. Who should be respected? 1.God, who is above all creation and created. 2. All those placed in authority by God. 3. All people made in Gods image, and their property. A distinction has to be made between respect that is naturally or innately deserved, and that which is earned. To respect God is mandated by the first commandment, but mostly because of whom He is. He is God and absolutely deserves our respect and honor. All people placed in authority over us are deserving of our respect because God has placed them over us. We may not always agree with them, but we must always respect them. All people created in the image of God should be respected as such. Answer this question in your own words. III. Are there different levels of respect? We exist in different social spheres relationally: family (private), work, school, church and social environments. We have to differentiate or distinguish how to respect others appropriately within all of our existence, realizing that we are always living in the presence of God (who is holy) and in the presence of those He has placed in our lives. Answer this question in your own words. IV. Is there a choice to respect God and others? The choice is always ours, however, is there really any alternative when it comes to a mandate by God? To respect God is mandated, and so there really is no choice; however, conventional wisdom seems to think that there is a choice. To respect others is also required by God in the summary of the Ten Commandments: Love your neighbor as yourself. If you cannot respect others, perhaps you lack, not only the ability to esteem others above yourself, but also you lack self-respect. It would just make sense to respect others because there are negative consequences to not respecting God and others. Answer this question in your own words. V. What are the negative consequences with a loss of respect? Most students at ALA lack respect for themselves as well as others. They have chosen to disassociate themselves from people who do respect God and others, and have attached themselves to people who seem to care very little for authority. The choice to disrespect the authority of God, parents, and teachers has resulted in the students loss of freedom, faith (sin separates us from God), the distrust of parents and teachers, a loss of privileges, friendship and freedom. Answer this question in your own words. VI. What are the positive results of respecting God and others? 1. Obeying God always has positive results. When you honor God, He blesses you. 2. When you honor and respect others, they respect you. Always-positive returns. (Love your neighbor as yourself has credence). 3. You receive long-term rewards that are not yet realized presently. By respecting others you are investing in relationships that will pay enormous dividends in the future. What else? Answer this question in your own words.

Trust? Is it something that I need?

For the purposes of this teaching we will declare that the word trust is interchangeable with the word faith. What is trust? Why is it important? Is it something that I need? Do people need to be able to trust me? Do they need to be able to depend upon my word? Do I need to be dependable? Do people have to be able to count on me? Do I have to follow through with my promises and commitments? Do I need to be able to tell someone that they can count on me and then do what I said? Why? What difference does it make? Why cant I lie to authority figures? Why cant I make promises that I dont intend to keep? If someone was dumb enough to trust me isnt that their issue? I just cant see why I cant do what I want to do, say what I want to say, and everyone just get off my back. It all seems so unfair.

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2 Corinthians 1:9 indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; Lets say a good friend came up to you and told you that your girlfriend (or boyfriend) was fooling around with your best friend. This person tells you that they actually witnessed your best friend kissing your girl (boyfriend). They tell you that all of this has been going on behind your back for a month, and they are a major couple, and this all makes you look like an idiot. So, you immediately approach your best friend and you lay him/her out. One punch and he/she goes down. As they lay on the ground you jump on them and beat the ever-living heck out of them. Bystanders rush over and pull you off your best friend. They are hurt, bleeding, and totally confused. They cant believe what you just did. And you yell out, thats what you get for fooling around with my girl/guy. And then, all of a sudden, the person who originally told you that your best friend was playing around with your girl (guy) says, I was lying to you. I didnt see anything. I made the whole thing up! How would you feel? What would you do, what would you say? What about your parents? Lets say they make an arrangement with you. Lets say they agree to allow you to use the car for a date but that you have to clean the house, rake the yard, pull the weeds, clean the pool, do the laundry, and then you can borrow the car. So you do all the work and you go to your parents for the keys but they are nowhere to be found, and the car is gone. Lets say they took the car and went to the movies. You are sitting there and your date is in 45 minutes and your parents and the car is gone. You try to call them over and over again and neither one of them will answer their cell phone. They come home hours later and you meet them at the door. And you ask them where they were and what happened, and they say, you believed me? You actually thought I was going to let you use the car? Are you an idiot? I got you to do all that work and never intended to live up to my end of the bargain. Do I even look like I care about you? You should see your face right now; you look like a total and complete fool. Should never have trusted me! Hebrews 2:13 And again," I WILL PUT MY TRUST IN HIM "And again," BEHOLD, I AND THE CHILDREN WHOM GOD HAS GIVEN ME." Lets say you meet up with a buddy of yours in Chemistry class. You both agree to work on a project together. The project is half your grade for the semester. Theres lots of work to do, and it will require you to work with your buddy for months to get the job done and earn a good grade. Youve split up the work and checked in with your friend for the last couple of months. Every time you ask him how hes doing on his part of the assignment he says, Im really making headway, and Im working hard. Its looking really good, should be finished soon. So finally end of the class is drawing near and its time to put all the work together and turn in the assignment You agree with your friend to bring the work to class on Friday, and over the weekend you both will put it all together so that you can turn it in on Monday. Friday comes around and you show up to class with months of hard work only to find that your buddy hasnt even started on his part of the project. Theres not enough time to get the job done by Monday, and your friend has a snowboard trip planned anyway. He says, dude, Im not going to do some dumb Chemistry project when the snow is perfect. 2 Timothy 1:1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life in Christ Jesus Is trust something that matters? If you depend upon someone for help does it matter whether they can be trusted? Do we need trust in our lives? Is it important that others can trust us? Is being dependable important. What if I am not trust worthy? Does it really matter? So what if I lie, or manipulate others? Does that make me a bad person? Doesnt everyone lie? Lets say your parents tell you that they will pay for college if you get a 3.5 gpa and stay away from drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and pre-marital sex. They tell you that they took the inheritance they received when Grandpa died and set up a college fund for you. They tell you that they have the total cost for college in a savings account. Right before your sophomore year your parents make a deal with you. They agree to pay for your tuition, room, board, clothing, and a car, with insurance and gas allowance. But you have to do well in school and stay away from drugs and alcohol, or the deal is off. So, the next three years you bust your rear and you earn a 3.95 gpa. You send in your application to the college of your choice and your application is accepted. Your closest friends are going too. Youre excited. Then your dad tells you that they took your college fund and lost it all. Your dad tells you that he and your mom have drug problems, and they spent the entire college fund on drugs and alcohol, sneaking out at night to attend raves. Your parents tell you that

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they are broke, out of work, they are losing the house, and you are now totally on your own. You are totally devastated. Instead of going to college you are now homeless, jobless, and penniless. Your parents were irresponsible and spent all their money, including your college fund, on wild parties and trips all over the world. Wouldnt that be a bummer. Matthew 9:2 And they brought to Him a paralytic lying on a bed Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralytic, " Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven. What if, at 18 years old, you find out that your parents are not your parents? What if you turn 18 and they tell you that they adopted you at birth, and never told you that you were adopted. You find out that you have biological parents out there somewhere, and your parents tell you that they didnt want you, and thats why you were adopted. What if you find out later that you have brothers and sisters that you never knew? How would you feel? Do you think you would feel devastated? Can you even imagine having that conversation with your parents? Finding out that they had lied to you your whole life? Matthew 9:22 But Jesus turning and seeing her said, "Daughter, take courage; your faith has made you well." At once the woman was made well. Again, is trust important? Is being trustworthy important? Does it matter if you, or others, tell the truth? What if you were going to parachute for the first time. And your instructor tells you that he packed your chute, and everything will be fine. He tells you that he has packed over 1,000 chutes and that he is the best chute packer alive. And then, after jumping out of the airplane you find out that the person who packed your chute had never packed a chute before? Your chute was the first chute he ever packed? And no one told him how to pack it. Would it be important that you are able to trust your parachute instructor? Why? Why cant we just lie and say whatever we want to say? Whats the big deal about being trust worthy? Lets say you are employed with a contractor, and you are the main foreman. The owner of the company makes you some promises. He tells you that he will make you a partner after you have finished a couple of major projects that just got underway. He tells you that you have to work 120 hours per week, and you wont get extra pay, but at the end you will be his full partner. So, you work your tail end off for 3 years and all the projects are complete, masterfully! And then your contractor partner tells you that the deal is off and he fires you. He claims that he never made you a promise of any kind. How would you feel? Would it be important that you can trust someones word? Is telling the truth and fulfilling your commitments important? Do they matter? Or, can you make all the promises in the world but fail to follow through and fail to keep your commitments? Matthew 15:28 Then Jesus said to her, "O woman, your faith is great; it shall be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed at once Its extremely important that you are trustworthy, that you keep your word, fulfill your commitments, and follow through with your promises. Dont you think? How important is trust? In the grand scheme of things is trust just about the most important thing there is? I learned long ago that people are going to let me down, and those I trust are going to fail me. But my Lord, Jesus, has already fulfilled His promises, and they are a gift to me. His truth has set me free, and His blood has redeemed me. I cant trust myself, or anyone else, like I can trust my Jesus. My trust is in him alone. Luke 17:6 And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and be planted in the sea'; and it would obey you Trust and faith are the same thing. I have faith in that which I trust, and I trust by exercising faith. Be prepared to discuss the importance of trust in your life. Be able to discuss how your trustworthiness matters, or doesnt matter. How can you lose trust? Once you lose trust how long do you lose it for? How do you gain trust back? Why would you attempt to regain trust? Does it matter? Is it important that you are able to trust your parents? Does it matter if your parents lie to you? Is it okay to lie to them? Is it okay that your parents sneek and do drugs? If your parents are using your college fund to buy their drugs is that okay with you? If they are stealing your college fund money to buy drugs, lying to you about where they are and what they are doing, is that okay?

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Trust - Homework
What is Trust? 1. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. 2. Confident expectation of something; hope. 3. Confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit. 4. A person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust. 5. The condition of one to whom something has been entrusted. 6. The obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust. 7. Charge, custody, or care. 8. Something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge. 16. To have confidence in; rely or depend on. Answer this question in your own words: Do children trust their parents? Most of the time, they do. If parents have taken their role seriously, children learn to rely on their parents and have confident expectations of them to carry out their roles. If parents have not carried out their duties, the opposite often occurs. Trust is often earned! Trust can be lost! Answer this question in your own words: What causes students to lose the trust of their parents? How can that be regained? Answer this question in your own words: What are you willing to invest in order to see the dividends of TRUST? For instance, sometimes a Trust Fund, a monetary amount is set-aside for a specific purpose. If we invest that money, it grows into an enormous amount that will give great rewards (dividends). If we only USE that Trust without investing in it, we will soon LOSE that Trust! The same is true with the principle of being trustworthy. If teens continue to invest in integrity, reliability, honest communication, responsibility, etc., between their parents, they will receive a trust and confidence from their parents that will continue to grow and increase. Answer this question in your own words: Trust is one of the essentials of the Family Covenant. (There are 2 questions I always pose at the commencement of the F.C. discussions: What do parents want more than anything else in the world from their children? (RESPECT) What do children want from their parents? (TRUST) Answer this question in your own words: Biblical Framework: Proverbs 3: 5 & 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. If you first of all put your trust (your confidence and hope) in God with every ounce of your existence, He will make your paths straight. This means that you will not have any problem at all BEING trusted, because you will BE a trustworthy person. If you take your responsibilities and obligations seriously, if you are honest with God and your parents, trust issues are nonexistent because there is no reason to distrust. The pre-requisite is to first put your hope and trust in God and submit to His authorityeverything else will be cool. There is a lot to be said about the old version of the word (Trustworthy). Trust IS earned! It is often said that people who cannot trust others cannot be trusted themselves. Is this a position that you would want to find yourself in during your lifetime? Answer this question in your own words:

Choice and Accountability

For the purposes of this teaching we are going to consider the book of Genesis Chapters 2 and 3 to be written in signification, meaning that we dont take the words of the creation of man to be literal, but the that each word means far more than its face value. For example, the word Adam is not someones name. It means mankind. And woman represents the wisdom of man. Eve is not the name of a particular person, but the name Eve represents the beginning of man, the mother of us all. The serpent is not necessarily a serpent; it is better defined as deception. The first point I want to make is that God spoke to Adam and told him that he could eat from any tree EXCEPT from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, lest you die. God warned Adam not to eat from that tree. When God told Adam that he could not eat from the tree the woman had not been given to Adam as his helper. The warning came first, and then God gave Adam his helper, woman.

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If woman represents the wisdom of man, the serpent, which is deception, went to the woman and tempted her. But that was not the part where Adam or the woman had screwed up. Obviously, if the woman had not been taken out of Adam prior to Gods warning about the tree, the only way she knew about Gods warning was through Adam. Adam had to have told her about Gods warning. Either Adam added some words of fear, going beyond Gods warning, adding, you shall surely die, or the woman added these extra words her self. Perhaps she, in her own wisdom, added the extra words without realizing what she was doing. The bottom line is that one of them, used faith in fear, instead of faith in the truth, and that is what caused all the original fall of man from Grace. Adam, it seems, may not have told the woman the true warning from God, or the woman it seems, may have added a few words to Gods original warning. Who really knows for sure? The important thing is that one, or both of them, added words of fear to Gods instructions. When the serpent came to the woman and tempted her to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, the woman reported that God has warned, you shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die! God had not said a single thing about touching the fruit. He had only warned about eating from the fruit. It seems as though as the serpent may have been holding the fruit as he tempted woman. Since he was holding the fruit and had not died, he was in the position to trick the woman. This was our first encounter with fear and deception. Gods words of warning were not enough and the wisdom of man, the woman, added to Gods warning. We will never know whether or not Adam had added the words when he told the woman about Gods warning, or whether the woman had added this extra part on her own. But we do know that the serpent used the extra words to deceive. The serpent used fear to deceive the wisdom and fullness of man. Either way, it was the choice that they believed fear over trust and faith, which is still our biggest enemy of all. Genesis 2:15-23, 3:1-8 Then the Lord God too the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The Lord commanded the man, saying, From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die. Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beat of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord fashioned into a woman the rib, which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man. . Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, Indeed, has God said, you shall not eat from any tree of the garden? The woman said to the serpent, from the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat, but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, you shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die! The serpent said to the woman, you shall surely will not die. For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed figs leaves together and made themselves loin coverings. Adam trusted the truth of the deception (fear), ate of the fruit, and was removed from the Garden of Eden. Adam had fallen from grace (connection with the living truth, God), receiving the curse of death, and with Adam all who came from Him is born into the same curse. The curse is the slavery to fear, which is death. Something that no man can escape. Bound to fear, to be a slave to fear, only able to follow fear, and to die in fear. But Jesus came to set us free from this body of death, to undo the work of the curse, and to set us free from fear. He has sent the Spirit of Truth, His Son, Jesus. When we receive Jesus, we are given a new Spirit, a new nature, totally set free from fear, and the curse of death. We have the ability to put our trust in the truth, instead of putting our trust in the fear. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life! John 14:16-17, 25-26 I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. These thing I have spoken to you while abiding with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

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Jesus came to set us free from the fear. He made many promises, but none more great than the promise to set us free from the outcome of fear, which is death, and to have eternal life. Jesus claimed to be the truth, the way, and the life. He claimed to be the only way to the Father (back to the Father). He claimed to be the Spirit of Truth. He also promised us that He was going to send us another Helper. He called the Helper the Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit. The first helper, the woman (from the story told in Genesis above) was deceived, and trusted in the fear. The another Helper, the Spirit of Truth, over came the fear and death, once and for all. He sent His Fathers truth, Himself, to be our way back to the Father, overcoming what was lost by the deception of the woman (our fleshly wisdom). Jesus called us to trust and follow Him, His helper, instead of our own wisdom, which is in deception (fear). The real question is. How much has your wisdom served you thus far? Has your wisdom worked? Is it working now? Have you been deceived? Have you been led into trusting the fear only to find death (death to relationships, death to potential, death to righteous dreams and desires?). Or, do you like the outcome of trusting your own wisdom? John 16: 7-15 But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. "And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment; concerning sin, because they do not believe in Me; and concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father and you no longer see Me; and concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged. "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. "But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come. "He will glorify Me, for He will take of Mine and will disclose it to you. "All things that the Father has are Mine; therefore I said that He takes of Mine and will disclose it to you. So our choice is quite clear, to follow our own wisdom (the woman the Flesh), which has been deceived, and is in fear, cursed? Or do we receive His Spirit, which will lead us into all truth, over coming the fear, giving us a renewed life, a rebirth, and a restoration. In the option of His Spirit we will have been redeemed, set free from the curse, given our place in the Kingdom, set free from this body of death, set free from the slavery to fear. Read Romans chapters 7 & 8. What does Paul say about the sin that dwells within us? Do we have a choice to follow the sin, or are we slaves to it? There seems to be two natures, two natures that are in conflict with each other. There is the sin nature, that is the part of us that compels us to do the things we really shouldnt do, but it sounds so good at the time we think of doing it, only to get into some serious trouble later. Then, there is our inner man, the part that wants to do good. Which one wins? Which one seems to be in control of your life? The sin nature (flesh), or your inner man, the part of you that really wants to do well? According to Romans Chapter 8 there is a way out of this conflict, and we do have a choice. We also know that if we dont hold ourselves accountable, the consequences of our poor choices force others to hold us accountable. The first choice, being self-accountable, preserves our dignity and respect, but the later, which is being held accountable by others. has loss and regret. Since no one wants to be held accountable like a little child, being self-accountable is really the best choice. According to Romans chapters 7 & 8, we have a choice. We can either follow the Spirit of God (Spirit of Truth) or we can follow our sinful flesh. We are going to be slaves to one of them, so we might as well choose the one that serves us the best. Do you know, personally, choice and accountability? Do you really know it? Have you ever made the hard choice and held yourself accountable, restraining yourself from following through with the bad temptations?

Choice & Accountability - Homework

Choice & Accountability In a group of 10 people, how many would you think possess a positive attitude? One? Maybe two? One thing is for sure in most organizations, the majority of their people do not possess a positive attitude, especially toward changes and challenges. What about you? Discuss this in your own words:

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People have a tendency to conform to the culture in the group or place that they function in. As such, it is only natural that it is difficult to stay positive when there are many negative people around us. However, all is not lost. We have the power of choice and accountability. Discuss this in your own words: Power of Choice "Events + Response = Outcome". We can choose our responses and our actions, and thereby create the results and outcomes. All of us have the power of choice. Most people misused this power by choosing negative reactions, negative actions, and thus achieve negative results. To achieve positive outcomes, simply choose positive responses and positive actions. Discuss this in your own words: Power of Accountability Accompanying choice is accountability. Being accountable means being responsible for our own life, understanding that everything that happens in our life is our own creation, the result of our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. When we take responsibility for our own life, we do not blame people, situations, and circumstances for poor results. Instead, we look within ourselves, analyze the issue, and take corrective actions to achieve more desirable outcomes. Discuss this in your own words: Being accountable for our own life doesn't mean that we blame ourselves when things fail either. There is no blame involved. We simply acknowledge that things have gone wrong and then act to make things right, that's all. There should be no negative emotions such as self-blame, anger, and guilt, because such negative emotions drain our positive energy and stop us consciously and unconsciously from achieving positive results. Discuss this in your own words: Live like a Lotus There is a Chinese saying - Lotus can still blossom clean, pure and beautiful despite growing and emerging from a muddy pond. If we were to use this analogy in the context of our life, it means that we can also stay positive and rise up against the negative people, situations, and circumstances that we are in. Discuss this in your own words:

Academics After ALA

How the family chooses to deal with their students academics is an extremely important issue. Abundant Life Academy advises that you do not send your child back to the same school that they were attending unless it is an unusual circumstance. Therefore, we need to look at other options. Basically at this point you would have 5 options to choose from: Enrolling your child into a public school Enrolling your child into a private Christian school Enrolling your child into a boarding school Allowing your child to continue with their academics using an online program Homeschooling your child These are the options that we will be discussing during this phone call. Please remember that it is important to take into consideration your childs thoughts in this manner. If they choose an option, please allow them to present their case for their choice. We will then discuss this and the Parents as the final authority will make a decision.

Academics After ALA Homework

Using the options below, make a listing of the options that apply to your family. The student is to make a case for the option that they choose and explain in detail how this would look. Remember, we will discuss this, however, the parents have to take into consideration the financial obligation of the choice, the feasibility of the choice and many other factors. The student should really think this over!

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Church and Your Student After ALA

This is an extremely sensitive topic for most families. Although you would think that this would be an easy and straightforward issue, it is not. Our students come from many different church and spiritual backgrounds and we do everything in our power to be non-denominational in our approach to teaching Christian doctrine. With that said, there are still many disagreements within the Christian traditions and denominations on what Biblical doctrine is, so this can be a potentially volatile discussion. The ideal situation would be that the entire family-student, siblings, and parents- be actively involved in a Bible-believing church that they all desire to attend. And that you would all be led by the Holy Spirit to find where you plug into a local church body. During your childs stay at Abundant Life Academy, we have taught that there is only one way to Heaven and that is by being born again (born from above, spiritually regenerated) by faith, belief and dependence on the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. Your child has been taught that the Bible is the inspired, inerrant Word of God and that the only doctrine that they need to believe and adhere to will be found in the Bible. True Biblical Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship with a living and involved God. You may find that your child is not interested in the religious trappings, teachings or traditions that they once hated, tolerated, or loved. But that can be a good thing. Your child should know that they were once sinners but are now saved by Gods grace, and that they are children of God and joint-heirs with Christ. They have a purpose and gifts and talents to accomplish their God-given purpose. Every person needs to have an individual relationship with their heavenly Father and that is developed by spending time in the Bible, in prayer, community of a local church, and in active Christian service. In short, their growth is not determined by rules and regulations, or even behaviors, but more from living out who they are in Christ. Their works and actions should be based on the fruit of being rather than in the results of doing. The topic of forcing teens to attend church with the family has been a hot topic for many years. Many parents quote the scripture Proverbs 22:6 raise a child in the way they are to go and when they are old they will not depart from it. Some parents interpret this to mean that you should drag you teen to church with you even if they are unwilling to go. What this does in actuality is create resentment in your teen towards you and God. This scripture is telling us to LIVE for God in front of our children! Raise your children to know the ways of God, to have a personal relationship with God, and teach them the Joy of walking with the Lord. Your children will learn what you model to them, not what you shove down their throats. In the days of old, parents spent a great deal of time with their children. Dad was typically a farmer, rancher, blacksmith, etc. When the child had completed their schooling (typically the 7 th or 8th grade), they spent their time with their parents learning how to work and support a family. The sons would go to work with their dads every day, and the daughters would be at home with their moms learning how to cook, sew, garden, tend to the other children, etc. Their children learned their morals, character, integrity, work ethic, etc. by spending time with their parents and watching as their parents modeled godly behavior. Basically, they learned to love and honor God by watching their parents love and honor God. In todays society, this has gone by the way side and the damage to the children has been devastating. At this point, you might ask, How do we fix this? That is what we are going to address in this section. The following are questions that we will address during this session: Do you spend at least an hour per day with your child to model the unconditional love of God? (this does not mean that this hour is to be a time of correction, but a time of just hanging out and enjoying time spent together) Do you as a parent model integrity, honor and servant hood to your child?

As scary and intimidating as it can be, we would encourage you to allow your son or daughter to find his or her own walk with God. And as long as they are living according to Biblical principles, even though it may be different than your walk. After all, arent we trying to raise God-honoring, independent, and self-governing adults?

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For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. Romans 8:14 It is our sincere desire that you and your entire family grow in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and that you experience every blessing that comes from a life lived in and through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Church and Your Student after ALA Homework Both the student and the parents will spend time in prayer this week to determine their thoughts on this topic. Write down your thoughts and we will discuss this during the call.

Home Visit Expectations (Going over this is the Homework)

It is the desire of Abundant Life Academy to promote family restoration in all phases of a student's tenure at ALA. The focus of the Home Restoration Visit must be with the family only. We at Abundant Life Academy highly recommend that during this time the family exploit this opportunity to spend time together as a unit. We have put together the following guidelines to help make the home visit fruitful and rewarding for the student and the family. Special Note: Abundant Life Academy does not recommend nor approve the Home Restoration Visit occur during Thanksgiving nor Christmas. These are festive holidays and do not provide a realistic experience for the student or the family of how things will function once the student is graduated from the program and has returned home. Our hope is that there will be struggles during the home visit, so as to give the student, the family and the staff of ALA a realistic view of the issues that still need to be worked on prior to the student returning home after graduation. In order for a student to be eligible for a home visit, the parents must have completed the Parent Coaching and have attended one (1) Family Restoration Workshop/Conference. We can not convey strongly enough that this is not the time to let the student spend time with old friends, hang out at the mall, spend an exorbitant amount of time in front of the television or gaming unit, or otherwise spend time away from the family, thus minimizing the intent of the Restoration Visit. We recommend the following: 1. The student is not allowed to use a cell phone or home phone to contact their friends while at home. 2. The student is not allowed to spend time with or visit old friends. 3. The student is not allowed to use a computer while at home. 4. The student is not allowed to drive a vehicle without their parent(s) while at home. 5. The student is in the presence of their parent(s) at all times and is not allowed to wander around by themselves. Remember, this is an opportunity for you to spend time together as a family. The Home Restoration Visit is a critical component of gauging a student's progress within the program. The student is allowed to apply principals and practices they have learned while at home in his/her former environment. While on the visit, a student will not have the support system intrinsically built in at ALA with coaches and peers available during stressful situations. The visit will allow issues to surface for the ALA staff to focus on during the student's remaining time in the program to ensure restoration at the time of graduation. As this is the first time the student has returned to the environment that created their former TWIST (the way I see things), Abundant Life Academy has provided the following guidelines and procedures for this critical component in the growth of both the student and the entire family. THIRD TRIMESTER RESTORATION VISIT: The following is a list of prerequisites before a student is even considered for a Restoration Visit: 1. The student's parents must have attended a monthly Family Workshop. 2. The student's parents must have completed their coaching sessions with the Parent Coach. 3. The student must be on Third Semester.

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4. If the student is very close to Third Semester then the Family Rep can make an exception of the above rule if they feel the student is ready for this step. This would also have to be approved by the Executive Program Director. The following is the procedures and guidelines for the Restoration Visit: 1. The student's parents will set up the Restoration Visit with the Family Rep, making sure that the Restoration Call for the Home Visit is completed before the student leaves for the visit. 2. We require 2 weeks notice of an impending home visit. 3. The Restoration Visit will encompass five (5) days in total: 1 day for travel to the Restoration Visit. 3 days for the Restoration Visit. 1 day for travel from the Restoration Visit. The cost for transportation to the airport is $225.00 for each trip, totaling $450.00 to take the student to the airport and return to pick the student up from the airport. The transportation fees are subject to change without prior notice Arrangements will be made, by Abundant Life Academy, for qualified staff to transport students to the Las Vegas airport, for the purpose of a home visit, on the 2nd Thursday of each month with return on the following Monday. Flights will be arranged by the parents on these two days, to arrive or depart between the hours of 11:00 a.m. Pacific Time and 3:00 p.m. Pacific Time Alternate options: For any circumstances requiring a flight on days other than those listed above, the parents will first gain the approval of their Family Rep and then contact Wendy Riddle, Director of Operations at wendy@abundantlifeacademy.com and she will assist them with alternate transportation. Please be aware that the cost of transportation for any other times than listed below can cost more than the fee that ALA charges. Wendy will do her best to assist in alternate arrangements, which will have to be paid in full before the transport takes place, directly to the transporter. Unescorted Minor: If your student is under the age of 17, you must purchase an Unescorted Minor ticket with the airlines of your choice. This means that the transporter will deliver your student to the airport to check in before their flight. Due to the restrictions at the airport, no person without a plane ticket is allowed to go past security. When you purchase the Unescorted Minor Ticket, a member of the airlines will go with your child through security, take them to their gate, and remain with them until they board their flight. They will also assist your student off the plane and bring them directly to you. On the flight back, it will be the same thing, and the airline associate will deliver your student directly to our transporter, who will be waiting to transport them back to ALA. We believe that with the above guidelines you will have a fruitful and awesome visit with your student. As always, please remember that if a problem arises with your student during an off campus visit please contact your Family Rep immediately.

Student/Parent DISC
During this session we will be discussing your Students DISC profile. It is extremely important that the parents understand what their students DISC is so that they can parent in a way that the student understands. The below is the basic guideline as to the different personalities. Please pay very close attention to the Responds best to a leader who section. You as the parent are your students leader. High D Personality: Basic Motivation: Challenge Choices Control Environment Needs: Freedom Authority Varied activities Difficult Assignments Opportunity for Advancement Responds Best to a Leader Who: Provides direct answers Sticks to business Stresses goals Provides pressure Allows freedom for personal accomplishment

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Needs To Learn That: People are important Relaxation is not a crime Some controls are necessary Everyone has a boss Verbalizing conclusions helps others understand them better High I Personality: Basic Motivation: Recognition Approval Popularity Environment Needs: Prestige Friendly relationships Opportunities to influence others Opportunities to inspire others Chance to verbalize ideas Responds Best to a Leader Who: Is a democratic leader and friend Provides social involvement outside of the work Provides recognition of abilities Offers incentives for risk-taking Creates an atmosphere of excitement

Needs To Learn That: Time must be managed, Too much optimism can be harmful, Listening is important, Tasks must be completed, Accountability is imperative

High S Personality: Basic Motivation: Security Appreciation Assurance Environment Needs: An area of specialization Identification with a group Established work pattern Stability of the situation Consistent, familiar environment Responds Best To a Leader Who: Is relaxed and amiable Allows time to adjust to change in plans Serves as a friend Allows people to work at their own pace Clearly defines goals & means of reaching them

Needs To Learn That: Change provides opportunity, Friendship isnt everything, Discipline is good, It is all right to say, No!, Being a servant does not mean being a sucker

High C Personality: Basic Motivation: Quality answers Excellence Value Environment Needs: Clearly defined tasks and explanations Sufficient time & resources to accomplish the tasks Team participation Limited Risks Assignments that require planning And precision Responds Best To A Leader Who: Provides reassurance Maintains a supportive atmosphere Provides an open-door policy Defines concise operating standards Is detail-oriented

Needs To Learn That: Total support is not always necessary, Thorough explanations are not always possible, Deadlines must be met Taking a calculated risk can be profitable; There are varying degrees of excellence

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Student/Parent DISC Homework The student is going to chart each parents DISC and answer the following questions. Each parent is going to chart their students DISC and answer the following questions: What is my mom/dad/students DISC? What do I think it means to be that DISC, how does it feel, how does it function, what could be the stressors with this DISC? What is my mom/dad/students blind spots? What works in a relationship with my mom/dad/student What does not work in a relationship with my mom/dad/student How can I use my own DISC to meet the needs of my mom/dad/student?

Expectations After ALA

Your expectations of your child and their expectations of you are the key focal point of how the child will do when they return home. The power of expectations cannot be overestimated. We need to remember that low expectations result in low results! What is your expectation of your teen? Maybe a few chores around the house? Getting good grades in school? Is this all that you expect? If this is all that you expect then this will probably be all that you will get. Some parents subscribe to the philosophy that they do not want their child to work part time while they are in high school or college and their justification is we want them to focus on school. This has got to stop! If your teen has an IQ that is average or above average then they are more than capable of attending school, playing a sport and even working a part time job! They are capable of so much more than what the world around them expects! The book Do Hard Things written by Alex & Brett Harris, who happen to be teenagers, is revolutionizing the way the world looks at teens. To quote them, The teen years are not a vacation from responsibility, they are the training ground of future leaders who dare to be responsible now. So maybe it is time to treat your student as the adult that they are. Maybe it is time to expect them to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done to launch their future. Maybe it is time to truly expect them to be the person that God intends for them to be. I would strongly encourage you to purchase the book Do Hard Things and devour it! It will totally change the way you see your teen and what they are capable of. During this session we will be discussing your expectations of your teen. In reading this book you will have many ideas of what they can do and what you should expect from them! We are going to map out a plan and then in the following session we will begin the Family Covenant.

Expectations After ALA Homework Both Student and Parents will think about this and pray about it. What role in the family will the student have? Are the expectations suited to the needs and the giftings of the student? Are the expectations reasonable for the student? What does the student expect from their parents? How will the parents and the student meet each others needs and expectations in a healthy manner?

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Abundant Life Academy Family Covenant Guide

Purpose: The main purpose of the Family Covenant Guide is to help the parents of the soon-to-be ALA graduate. Our ultimate goal is to successfully prepare the student and his/her family for their eventual return home. This guide is a tool to ensure that all concerns might be resolved prior the childs return home. Failing to plan is a plan to fail! The Family Covenant Guide is a template, which if followed, can and will increase the likelihood of a graduates successful transition home. Practice: The Family Covenant is a declaration that joins the parents together with their child; this covenant can be a meaningful bond where each party is committed to a specific vision, where as all parties make a pronouncement of personal responsibility to ensure its successful implementation. Foundational Truths: I. Parents and students will be successful to the degree that they submit to their Heavenly Father. To the degree that the parents are in one accord, in one mind, and completely together in all areas will be the measure of the students successful transition home. Parents, as individuals, must realize that it is more important to be together then it is to be right, correct, or in charge. To the degree that the individual parent insists that they are right will be the degree of discord in the family. It is not about I, it is about we. If you are not together as a couple, then dont bring your child home until you get it together. Communication and Respect are the two main keys to success in relation to the ALA students successful transition home. The child must know what is expected of him/her. Additionally, the child must know what to expect from his/her parents. There can be no ambiguities, or gray areas. All matters must be clearly communicated, and consistent. Solid and consistent expectations of one another tends to create a sense of security, confidence, and peace in both the parent and the child. Unstable, ever-changing, and flexible expectations create a sense of insecurity, lack of confidence, and discord in both the parent and the child. Expectations Father - What I expect from myself: Dad, make a comprehensive list of all things that you expect from yourself in relation to your wife. For example, what do you expect from yourself as the husband of your bride? (I expect to lift my wife above myself at all times, I expect to pray for her daily. I expect to go out of my way to meet her needs as a woman, and as the mother of my children. I expect to honor her in specific ways. I expect to listen to her, and to get her input on all decisions prior to making the decisions. Mother - What I expect from myself: Mom, make a comprehensive list of all things that you expect from yourself in relation to your husband. For example, what do you expect from yourself as the wife of your husband? (I expect to lift my husband above myself at all times, I expect to pray for him daily. I expect to go out of my way to meet his needs as man, to honor and respect him in specific ways [explain in details the way you would follow this out]. I expect to listen to him, and to submit to his God-ordained authority.

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Father - What I expect from us: Dad, make a comprehensive list of all things that you expect from you and your wife. For example, God sees the husband and wife as one. What do you expect from you as the couple? How will you operate and one? What would it look like? Be extremely specific. Mother - What I expect from us: Mom, make a comprehensive list of all things that you expect from you and your husband. For example, God sees the husband and wife as one. What do you expect from you as the couple. How will you operate and one? What would it look like? Be extremely specific. Father - What I expect from my children: Dad, make a list of all things that you expect from your children. How are they to act. What boundaries have you established? What are they in control of, and what are they not in control of? How are they to act and behave in relation to your home? How can they be successful? How will they contribute to the family? How will they contribute to keeping the household? What is expected of them in the community? What are they expected to do for each member of the family? School? Church? Work? Remember, too many rules are destructive and will ensure the childs failure. Mother - What I expect from my children: Mom, make a list of all things that you expect from your children. How are they to act? What boundaries have you established? What are they in control of, and what are they not in control of? How are they to act and behave in relation to your home? How can they be successful? How will they contribute to the family? How will they contribute to keeping the household? What is expected of them in the community? What are they expected to do for each member of the family? School? Church? Work? Remember, too many rules are destructive and will ensure the childs failure. Father- what can your children expect from you? Make a descriptive list of all the things that your children can count on from you. For example, you might state, you can count on me to cover your room, board, and personal expenses [clothing, hygiene products, etc.]. You can expect me to pay for the insurance on your car as long as you fully comply with the household rules and expectations. You can expect that I will swiftly enact consequences if you backtalk or argue with your mother. You can expect me to check your academic progress each week. You can expect that I will be checking your whereabouts at all time, and see to it that you are actually where you say you are going to be. You can expect that I will check up on your friends to ensure that they are good people. You can expect random drug tests. You can expect me to issue consequences for dishonesty and lack of truthfulness. You can expect me to take away privileges when you dont respect the rules of the family. Etc., etc. Mother- what can your children expect from you? Make a descriptive list of all the things that your children can count on from you. For example, you might state, you can count on me to cover your room, board, and personal expenses [clothing, hygiene products, etc.]. You can expect me to pay for the insurance on your car as long as you fully comply with the household rules and expectations. You can expect that I will swiftly enact consequences if you backtalk or argue with your mother. You can expect me to check your academic progress each week. You can expect that I will be checking your whereabouts at all time, and see to it that you are actually where you say you are going to be. You can expect that I will check up on your friends to ensure that they are good people. You can expect random drug tests. You can expect me to issue consequences for dishonesty and lack of truthfulness. You can expect me to take away privileges when you dont respect the rules of the family. Etc., etc.

Father - Family Rules & Policies: Dad, make a list of the non-negotiable rules and policies of the families. Try to stay away from listing dos and donts). Mother - Family Rules & Policies: Mom, make a list of the non-negotiable rules and policies of the families. Try to stay away from listing dos and donts). Childs Expectations of his/her parents and of him/herself: Your Family Representative will be working with your child in helping them to complete their part of the Family Covenant. We will be having a Family Covenant Call and we will go over the Covenant in its entirety. Eliminate those expectations that are not in alignment with the vision or operation of your home and family. Essentially, if your child posts his/her expectations we suggest that you honor only those items that you are fully ready to back. Otherwise, save your self and your child a lot of frustrations and eliminate them right up front.

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Putting it all together Now that you have written your understanding of the way things should be, depicting your expectations now put it all together. First, using everything you have put down in this guide write out your families Mission Statement. Dont make it lengthy, or two ambiguous. Get to the point, and let this Mission Statement guide you through a lot of the future decisions as new challenging issues arise. Write the Covenant Now, write the covenant. Use everything you have come up with so far, but now make it concise, clear, and signable. This covenant is going to be the families guide to success. Remember, this covenant is meaningless unless all parties are willing to live up to the foundations it establishes. Dont put anything in this covenant that you are not willing to abide by, or live with.

Family restoration Curriculum Parent/Student Version 01-01-11

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