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Author Talks: The Formula For Successful Negotiation - McKinsey
Author Talks: The Formula For Successful Negotiation - McKinsey
Author Talks: The Formula For Successful Negotiation - McKinsey
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n this edition of Author Talks , McKinsey Global Publishing’s Hannah Buchdahl chats with
William Ury, negotiation expert and cofounder of the Harvard Program on Negotiation, about
his new book, Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict (Harper
Business/HarperCollins Publishers, February 2024). The coauthor of the negotiation classic
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In shares anecdotes, insights, and
strategies gleaned from decades of collaborative problem solving. Ury relates what it means to be
a “possibilist”; why a balcony, golden bridge, and third side are key to any successful negotiation;
and why it’s possible to resolve the world’s most challenging conflicts. An edited version of the
conversation follows.
A few years ago, I was taking a hike in the mountains with my good
friend Jim Collins, the author of leadership classics such as Good to
Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap ... and Others Don’t
I like challenges. I like simplicity. So on our next hike, I gave it a try. We talked for a while, then Jim
turned to me and said, “OK. Now go write the book.”
A possibilist isn’t Pollyannaish. Being a possibilist means looking at the negative possibilities and
then looking for the positive possibilities, so we can avert the worst and optimize the best. It’s just
a question of taking these innate human talents that we have for curiosity, for creativity, for
collaboration, and applying them to our tough conflicts. My book is designed to inspire that inner
possibilist in each of us.
A few years ago, a client and now good friend was involved in a bitter
boardroom battle with his retail company’s largest shareholder. The
battle lasted three years. It had gotten so ugly that everyone thought
it was insurmountable. Yet when I sat down for lunch with my
Video counterpart, who was representing the other side, we took a
different, possibilist angle. We were open minded, we listened, and
we looked. We asked, “How could we help our friends deal with this
situation? What is it they really want?” In five short days, we were able to come up with a
resolution that both executives signed and a joint statement wishing each other well, and the
conflict was all over.
When I asked my friend and client how he felt, he said, “I got everything I wanted,
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but the most important thing is I got my life back.” His business adversary was
equally satisfied, as were the company, the community, and their families. It was a 1. Decoding leadership: What really
win–win–win solution. Approaching the situation as a possibilist opened up new matters
possibilities. Conflicts are made by humans; they can be solved by humans. 2. The economic potential of generative
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What is the biggest obstacle to a positive negotiation?
3. Engage your workforce
We tend to think it’s the difficult person, the difficult
4. What is inflation?
client, the difficult colleague , the difficult party. Yet
5. What is generative AI?
I’ve actually found the most difficult person I ever
We think of negotiation as being about influencing the other. In actuality, it’s first and foremost
about influencing yourself so you can then influence the other. Negotiation, it turns out, is an
inside job. And the best way to start a difficult negotiation is to stop.
Thirty minutes went by without a reaction, and finally I saw his body language change. His
shoulders sank, and he said to me in a weary tone of voice, “Ury, what should I do?” That was the
faint sound of a human mind opening. I said, “Mr. President, it’s nearly Christmas. Everyone’s
exhausted by this conflict. Why not just call a truce? Give everyone a break, a chance to enjoy the
holidays with their families.”
He looked at me and said, “You know what? That’s an excellent idea. I’m going to propose that in
my next speech.” He clapped me on the back, and his mood had completely shifted. And what I
learned in that moment was that the greatest power that we have is the power not to react. It’s the
power to go to the balcony.
side may not be anywhere near where you want them to be.
Both sides tend to dig into positions when things get tough. The
other side may be pushing you, pressuring you, attacking,
threatening. The secret is to do the exact opposite of what we
Video naturally do, which is that when they push, we push back. That just
leads to a stalemate. Imagine that your mind is here, their mind is
over there, and in between there’s this chasm filled with doubt,
anxiety, and unmet needs.
Our job in a negotiation is to build a bridge over that chasm. In the words of Sun Tzu, the author of
the 2,500-year-old Chinese classic The Art of War, the challenge is to build a “golden bridge.”
How do we build a golden bridge—a way out for the other side and for you?
Instead of pushing, it means doing the opposite. It means attracting the other side. Instead of
making it harder for them, our job is to make it easier for them to make the decision we want them
to make. The best exercise is to begin negotiations by writing the other side’s victory speech.
It’s a thought experiment where you imagine that the other side—be
it your work partner, your boss, your colleague—has said “yes” to
what you want them to do. Now they have to go in front of the people
That exercise of thinking through the other side’s victory speech often takes an impossible
situation and unlocks new possibilities. You suddenly visualize success. You start from the end,
and you work backward.
Let’s imagine you’ve gone to the balcony, and you’ve built that
golden bridge. Sometimes that brings you over the bridge. But
oftentimes in very difficult conflicts, you’re not there because it’s
What’s that third side? The third side is the surrounding people—be they friends, colleagues,
neighbors, bystanders, or allies. They could also be partners or neutrals. That’s the surrounding
community. They can help people calm down, go to the balcony, get some perspective. They can
help facilitate communication , build that golden bridge, look for those creative solutions, provide
assistance. The third side can serve as a container within which even the most difficult conflict can
gradually be transformed.
Sometimes that third side takes the form of what I would call a “swarm.” For example, in Silicon
Valley, “How do you swarm a problem, a very difficult problem?” would refer to solving a
technology problem. We need to swarm our difficult conflicts. We need to bring a critical mass of
ideas and influence to bear on these very difficult conflicts, to build a winning coalition for a
positive agreement. Often that’s what you need for the third side.
You need all three elements. You need the balcony, which is influencing yourself, tapping into your
inner potential. You need the bridge, which is influencing the other party, tapping into the potential
that exists between the parties. And then you need to add the third side, which is the potential
around the parties, around us. Add all three, and you have the makings of something that can
transform even the toughest conflicts.
What are the most challenging conflicts facing the world today?
Yet what I witnessed when I went to and worked at all these places was how people, through
persistent, creative, patient negotiations, began to slowly transform these situations so that the
Cold War came to an end. Israel and Egypt made unprecedented peace. Catholics and Protestants
in Northern Ireland ended “the Troubles.” Apartheid came to an end.
In all those cases, the conflicts continued in some ways, but the wars ended. They were
transformed. So if that could happen, then it’s possible for it to happen again today. And that’s
why I wrote the book Possible.
How can anyone turn a personal or professional conflict into a creative negotiation?
Instead of reacting, how can I take a step back? How can I go to the balcony—to a place of
calm and perspective where I see the larger picture?
Instead of digging into my position and getting into a back-and-forth exchange with the
other side, how can I build a golden bridge—an attractive way out—by listening, looking for
creative solutions, and asking open-ended questions?
Instead of reducing the conflict to two sides—us versus them—where’s the third side, and
how can I engage it? How can I get people to help facilitate and transform the conflict?
These times aren’t easy. This work can be some of the hardest work human beings can do. But
based on all my experience over the past 45 years, it’s possible. I believe it’s possible because I’ve
seen it happen—in businesses, in political communities, in the world at large.
I’ve seen the impossible become possible. The good news is that you don’t have to invent the
tools. The balcony, bridge, and third side are innate human potentials.
All we have to do is remember it, develop it, and hone it. And if we can do that, we can transform
our conflicts. If we can transform our conflicts, there’s no problem we can’t solve. There’s no
opportunity we can’t realize. We can transform our lives, and we can transform our world.
Video
William Ury on insights and strategies gleaned from decades of collaborative problem solving.
William Ury is a cofounder of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. Hannah Buchdahl is an
editor in McKinsey’s Washington, DC, office.
Comments and opinions expressed by interviewees are their own and do not represent or reflect the
opinions, policies, or positions of McKinsey & Company or have its endorsement.
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