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WWW Lifehack Org 621368 How Perfectionism Secretly Screws You Up - Vgo - Ee qRZtMi1v
WWW Lifehack Org 621368 How Perfectionism Secretly Screws You Up - Vgo - Ee qRZtMi1v
WWW Lifehack Org 621368 How Perfectionism Secretly Screws You Up - Vgo - Ee qRZtMi1v
However, perfectionists are actually highly critical of themselves and others, and are
driven by fear of failure, rejection, and not being good enough.
In this article, you will learn about the motivations and psychology behind
perfectionism, as well as how it can harm your mental health and well-being. You will
also learn how to effectively manage perfectionism.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Perfectionism is classi몭ed into three types, each of which explains the psychological
cause of perfectionism.[2]
1. SELF-ORIENTED PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism of this type is based on the belief that one’s self-worth is directly
related to one’s ability to achieve perfection.
As a result, they may also feel a lack of satisfaction and ful몭llment even after
accomplishing their goals because they tend to focus on their mistakes and
shortcomings.
2. OTHER-ORIENTED PERFECTIONISM
This type of perfectionism is based on the belief that the worth of others is directly
related to their ability to meet the perfectionist’s expectations.
Those suffering from other-oriented perfectionism are oftenly controlling and critical
of others, imposing unrealistic and high expectations on them. When others don’t live
up to their expectations, they may consequently have negative thoughts and
emotions like resentment, anger, and frustration. This leads them to face
relationship di몭culties and struggle to maintain healthy and positive relationships.
3. SOCIALLY-PRESCRIBED PERFECTIONISM
This kind of perfectionism is based on the idea that everyone only values you if you’re
perfect in all facets of life.
EGO
According to research, people with high levels of perfectionism have in몭ated egos,
which can make them more vulnerable to feeling threatened by failure.[3]
With a strong sense of self-importance as well as a desire for control and power, a
person’s ego can drive them to strive for perfection in order to validate themselves
and gain the approval of others.
ATTACHMENT STYLES
Positive attachment styles, such as secure attachment, on the other hand, can
facilitate people in developing a sense of self-worth and a healthy balance between
striving for excellence and accepting imperfection.
CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES
Furthermore, children who are constantly praised for their accomplishments may
develop a sense of self-worth that is linked to their ability to achieve perfection. They
may believe that they are unworthy of praise or love if they do not achieve perfection.
This can have a negative impact on a child’s self-esteem and lead to a lifetime of
perfectionism.[6]
1. Positive perfectionism
2. Negative perfectionism
Positive Perfectionism
Positive perfectionism is a type of perfectionism in which people set high standards
for themselves and strive for excellence in a healthy and adaptive manner.
Positive perfectionists are driven to achieve their goals, but they do not let their
perfectionism harm their own or others’ well-being. They can set realistic goals,
accept feedback, and accept the possibility of failure while remaining determined to
improve.
Negative Perfectionism
Negative perfectionism, on the other hand, is a type of perfectionism in which people
have unrealistically high expectations of themselves and others and become overly
critical of themselves and others when those expectations are not met.
Michael and I used to work at the same company, and he was a stickler for detail. This
had previously served him well. He was always able to produce high-quality work, and
he was promoted twice within a few years. However, as he quit his job and started his
own business, things began to go wrong.
He told me at a startup event that he was spending more and more time on small
details, trying to perfect every aspect of his business. He would frequently spend
hours perfecting a single product speci몭cation before moving on to the product. As a
result, he was unable to put any solid plans into action.
His perfectionism had an impact on his mental health as well. He was so often
overwhelmed by the pressure to deliver 몭awless work and suffered from anxiety and
stress. He found it di몭cult to unwind and enjoy his personal life because he was
constantly thinking about work and how to improve it.
Fortunately, he recognized it before it was too late and began to change his
perspective on mistakes and failures, regaining control of his work and life.
CAREER
Perfectionists may struggle to complete tasks because they are constantly revising
and reworking them in an effort to make them perfect. This can lead to
procrastination because they may be hesitant to begin a task due to the pressure to
complete it 몭awlessly.
Perfectionists may also struggle with delegating tasks to others because they do not
trust others to do the job to their standards. As a result of taking on too much work
and being unable to balance their workload, they may experience burnout.
Perfectionists may struggle with intimacy. They may be unwilling to be vulnerable and
accept that they are 몭awed. As a result, they may 몭nd it di몭cult to form deep and
meaningful connections with others.
Perfectionists may also struggle to express their feelings and thoughts because they
are afraid of being judged or criticized. This can lead to breakdowns in
communication and misunderstandings in relationships.
HEALTH
Furthermore, perfectionists may put off starting a task because they are afraid they
will not be able to complete it to their own high standards. They may become
paralyzed by the fear of not being able to do something perfectly, which leads to
procrastination.
Procrastination can also be a way for perfectionists to avoid the possibility of failure
and the fear of being judged or criticized. They may wait until the very last minute to
몭nish a task, leaving less time for feedback and criticism.
If you want to learn more about the relationship between perfectionism and
procrastination, and how to break the cycle, read How to Break the Perfectionism-
Procrastination Loop.
There are several strategies you can use to overcome your perfectionist tendencies
and achieve greater success in life:
Achieving greatness stems from the experience and insights gained during this
process, which allows you to 몭ne-tune and apply for future success. Despite the
perfectionist mind’s best efforts, this inadvertently reduces the likelihood of overall
failure.
Instead of thinking in black and white terms, try to reframe your thoughts in a more
balanced and realistic manner. Instead of thinking, “I failed, so I’m a failure,” consider,
“I didn’t get the result I wanted, but I learned something valuable that will help me do
better next time.”
Failure is not a re몭ection of your worth: Failure does not re몭ect your worth; it
is simply an indication that something did not go as planned.
Failure is a necessary step towards success: Failure is an inevitable part of
the success process. It would be impossible to learn and grow without failure.
Change your language: How we talk about failure can have an impact on how
we think about it. Use more neutral words like “mistake” or “setback” instead of
negative words like “failure” or “loser.”
Seek feedback: Failure can provide useful feedback to help you improve. Seek
feedback from others to help you understand what went wrong and how to
avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
By rede몭ning failure in this way, you can start to see it as a chance to learn and
advance rather than as a bad thing. This can help to alleviate the fear of failure and
can be a huge step toward changing a perfectionism mindset.
3. Adapt the 80/20 Rule
Perfectionists are prone to missing the essence of something. However, it does not
require complete perfection to be apparent.
The 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto principle, states that roughly 80% of effects
result from 20% of causes. That is, only 20% of your efforts can yield 80% of the
results. Any more than this won’t make a signi몭cant difference, and it gives you the
몭exibility to 몭ne-tune the details later.
What you need to do is identify the 20% of tasks that are the most important and
prioritize them.
However, failing to prioritize can degrade the quality of your work or project, causing
you to fall behind or putting additional strain on yourself.
Making a list of the “must haves” and the “good-to-haves” before beginning any
project is therefore a good idea. Make the ”must haves” a top priority and only include
the “good-to-haves” if time allows.
Sorting out the “must haves” from the “good-to-haves” tasks can help you overcome
perfectionism by allowing you to focus on the most important aspects of the task
while letting go of minor details.
Our Superstructure Method is all about separating the “must haves” from the “good-
to-haves.” 몭nd out more here: How to Simplify Decision Making With the
Superstructure Method
Parkinson’s Law states that work will take as long as we want it to. If you give yourself
four hours, you will complete it in four hours. If you give yourself three hours, you will
complete the task in three hours. If you don’t set a time limit for yourself, it will take
forever.
Setting a time limit can help to combat perfectionism by instilling a sense of urgency
and the need for focus. When you know you only have a certain amount of time to
complete a task, you are less likely to get bogged down in details and more likely to
focus on completing it. This can help you avoid procrastination and unnecessary
revisions by forcing you to prioritize the most important aspects of the task and make
quick decisions.
Setting a time limit can also help you in establishing realistic expectations for
yourself. When people have an in몭nite amount of time to complete a task, they may
feel the need to be overly perfectionistic. When they are under time constraints, they
are more likely to recognize that some aspects of the task may not be worth the extra
effort.
Furthermore, setting a time limit for yourself helps to avoid the trap of analysis
paralysis, in which people keep thinking and analyzing but do nothing. A time limit
helps you complete the task while also reminding you that it is better to complete
something than to strive for perfection.
TL;DR
Don't have time for the full article? Read this.
❯
❯ Self-Oriented Perfectionism is based on the belief that one’s self-worth is
directly related to one’s ability to achieve perfection.
❯ Ego is one cause of perfectionism: A person’s ego can drive them to strive for
perfection in order to validate themselves and gain the approval of others.
❯ Both children who are constantly criticized or punished for failing, and children
who are constantly praised for their accomplishments are prone to becoming a
perfectionist.
❯ Reframing failure as an opportunity to learn and grow can also help to change a
perfectionism mindset.
❯ Another way to change a perfectinoism mindset it to adpot the 80/20 rule and
focus on completing the 20% tasks that are the most important.
❯ Then, prioritize tasks by sorting out the “must haves” from the “good-to-haves.”
❯ Lastly, set a time limit using the Pakinson’s Law to establish realistic
expectations and instill a sense of urgency and the need for focus to combat
perfectionism and get things done
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism is about achieving the impossible and the unreachable through a
never-ending pursuit of perfection.
You can’t always get rid of the perfectionist in you (that’s perfectionism), but you can
train yourself to be a more positive perfectionist. This can be accomplished by always
keeping the big picture in mind. Taking a step back before diving in can save you a lot
of time and allow you to focus on a better outcome.
Reference
[1] ^ Psychology in the Schools: Is There An Antidote to Perfectionism?
[2] ^ Lewis University: The Problem with Perfectionism
Front Psychol.: Your Care Mitigates My Ego Depletion: Why and When Perfectionists Show Incivility
[3] ^
Toward Coworkers
[4] ^ Science Direct: Relationship Attachment Styles with Positive and Negative Perfectionism
[5] ^ Science Direct: Adverse childhood experiences and multidimensional perfectionism in young adults
Frontier: Perfectionism, Self-Esteem, and the Will to Win Among Adolescent Athletes: The Effects of
[6] ^
the Level of Achievements and Gender
[7] ^ Science Direct: Positive and negative perfectionism
World J Clin Cases.: Perfectionism and mental health problems: Limitations and directions for future
[8] ^
research
[9] ^ Brock University: Looking at impact of perfectionism on health and well-being
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