Very Parivarik

No Offense - 9 March
By

Deeksha Choudhary
1 INT. ANISH’S OFFICE - MORNING - 11 AM
Anish enters the office and notices two donation boxes.
Vinay puts his water bottle in it.

ANISH
Itne bure din aa gaye kya company
ke, pehle appraisal roke ab
donation bhi maang rahe hain?
VINAY
Nahi Kartik karva raha hai ye to.
ANISH
Pichhle hafte aaye bande ne iss
hafte charity shuru kar di. HRs toh
bekar mein badnaam hai, asli free
time toh team leads ke paas rehta
hai.
VINAY
Ye project accha se ho gaya toh tu
bhi ban hi jayega team lead.

ANISH
Fingers crossed!
VINAY
Bas ab time par aana shuru kar de!

ANISH
Time par office sirf sad log aate
hain.

They enter the meeting room.

KARTIK
Hey Anish! Tum batao, What does
this world need?

ANISH
Bachpan mein lagta tha flying cars
but now i think... 4 day working
week, emails with emojis and
afternoon naps se survival ho
jayega

KARTIK
No! This world needs more
compassion, more love, more
kindness... That’s why main ye NGO
chalata hun. Tumne contribute kiya?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

ANISH
Not yet. Par karta hun main, pakka!
KARTIK
Cool! So team, Kya update hai
product ka?

ANISH
EOD testing ke liye bhejna padega.
Deadlines close hain, We can’t
afford any shortcomings in our plan
of action.
KARTIK
Anish, that is so mean! Aise word
ka use kaise kar sakte ho tum?

ANISH
Kaisa word Kartik?
KARTIK
Shortcomings! Tum Vinay ki height
par comment kar rahe ho?

ANISH
What! NO. Main bas ye keh raha tha
ki itni complex coding itne kam
time mein challenge hai, so we all
need to stand tall together.

KARTIK
Oh god you did it agian! kitne
insensitive aur ignorant ho tum. Do
you know his challenges? Dekho ye 7
feet ka darwaza, ye table, ye
board, world is already so unfair
to him. I’ve a friend jise yahi sab
roz face karna pdta hai. I won’t
let it happen in my team.

ANISH
Figure of speech hi aisa hai, Vinay
no offense bhai.
VINAY
None taken bhai

KARTIK
But I’m extremely extremly offended
on Vinay’s behalf! This is
Unacceptable!

Title slate appears: No Offense

 3.

2 INT. HARRY’S HOME - HALL - DAY - 2 PM

AR and SK are at Harry’s home. He’s sitting in bean bag.
AWADH RAJ
Do din se na tehlne aate ho na
patte khelne?
SHAKUNTALA
Sab theek hai na Harry Ji?

HARRY
Aise lagta hai koi mere Pet mein
chakke vali kursi par baithke
gol-gol gol-gol ghoomta ja raha
hai.

AWADH RAJ
Aur karo roz partiyan. Ho gaya pet
kharab!
HARRY
Bachelors ka pet kharab nahi hota
Awadh ji, kharab hota hai toh sirf
mann!
SHAKUNTALA
Kya baat ho gayi?

HARRY
Rishta aaya hai mere liye
AWADH RAJ
Ladki ka?

HARRY
Nahi bandariya ka! Itna kya chaunk
rahe hain. Handsome hun, hot hun.
SHAKUNTALA
Par pareshan kyu hain?
HARRY
Dekho ji do baatein hai. Pehli toh
ye ki kitna bhi lone wolf matlab
akela bhediya bana firu... mann toh
karta hi hai ki duniya ke mele se
ghar aaun toh chhota mota circus
yahan bhi ho.
SHAKUNTALA
Aur doosri baat?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

HARRY
Doosri ye deevar dekho
AWADH RAJ
Isse accha toh humare yahan paan
thook dete hain log.

HARRY
Itna ghatiya kaam karke gaye
painter. Jab jab kisi par bharosa
karta hun, ye nateeja niklta hai...
Fir shaadi toh bahut bada faisla
hai. Mera precious dil toot gaya
toh?
AWADH RAJ
Sahi logon par bharosa karoge to
nahi tootega. Anish bulata hai
jinko, Urban Company, unhen bulao.
Experts aayenge aur badhiya kaam
karke jayenge.
SHAKUNTALA
Aur jeevan mein naya rang bharegi
shadi! Zyada socho mat, karlo ab.
HARRY
Ab aap log itna keh rahe hain
toh... bula leta hun ladki walon
ko. Pasand aa gayi toh maa-baap
lauta denge, ladki rakh lenge! Pati
patni raji toh kya karenge pitaji?
SHAKUNTALA
Inki bhi rangai putaai karni pdegi
thodi...

3 INT. HOME - HALL - SAME TIME - DAY 2 PM

Anish and Shelly are lying on sofa with face masks.

ANISH
Galat cheezon ko callout karo But
he’s too much Shelly. Jokes ka bhi
victim dhoondh leta hai. Kahega
I’ve a friend who faced problems
because of people like you...
Duniya ki har oppressed community
mein se ek aadmi uska friend kaise
nikl jata hai?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

SHELLY
Friend nahi, trend hai Anish...
Fake wokism ka. Aajkal log captcha
poochne vali websites se offend ho
jate hain, ye bolkar ki Humans aur
robot mein discrimination kar diya.
Arey mera ek co-actor toh isliye
offend ho gaya tha ki usne chheenk
mari aur maine bless you nahi bola.
ANISH
Nahi Shelly wo toh rude lagta bhi
hai
SHELLY
On an average panch se saat log roz
humare aaspaas chheenkte hain.
Viral ke season mein toh dinbhar
chhachhichhhu! Agar sabko bless you
kehne lagungi toh Father ban
jaungi. Actually Nun!
ANISH
Pata hai social media se pehle sab
sahi tha. Jaise jaise log
overinformed hote gaye, fake wokism
badhta gaya.

SHELLY
Limit cross kar gaya. Social media
par toh log dead celebrities ke
comments padhke offend ho rahe hain
ANISH
Dead nahi Passed away bolo, varna
ghost offend hokar tumhen cancel
kar denge.
SHELLY
Par ghost cancel culture kaise
chalayenge, unhe toh cross se dar
lagta hai na.
ANISH
Tumhare valon ko, humare vale nahi
rukte cross se. Fir kya pata ab
rukne lage ho. Zinda logon ki tarah
bhedchaal ho gaye hon!
SHELLY
Haww comparing people with sheeps!
speciesism kehte hain isko.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

ANISH
Specie... Aise toh fir sari
kahawate rewrite karni padengi. Har
kutte ka din hota hai, hold your
horses... curiosity killed the cat
par toh pet lovers mera khoon kar
denge
SHELLY
Han toh mat lo na unse panga

ANISH
Aur tumse?
SHELLY
Mujhse toh ekdum bachke rehna.

ANIISH
Listen... Koi nahi hai ghar mein.
SHELLY
Five magical words! Koi nahi hai
ghar mein, after months! Thanks to
Harry uncle!
ANISH
Yaad hai apni wo massages, wo
Sundays ko bina nahaye yahin pde
rehna... acchi khasi life nostalgia
ban gayi
They get closer. They are about to kiss but Anish’s phone
rings. He casually reads the notification and flips.
ANISH
Disgusting!
SHELLY
Tumne bhi same mask lagaya hai

ANISH
Tum nahi Shelly, Kartik! HR se
complaint kar di... Monday ko
meeting hai.

4 INT. HARRY’S HOME - HALL - EVENING - 5PM

UC painters are painting the wall. Harry is removing beer
bottles used as planters. Bean bag ki jagah chairs aa gayi
hain. He is laughing in different ways.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.

SHAKUNTALA
Arey thoda sa lajaiye
AWADH RAJ
Itna nahi. Damaad banna hai ki
bahu?

SHAKUNTALA
Muskura hi lo aap. Lajja suit nahi
kar rahi, umar ho gayi hai na.

HARRY
Umar toh abhi only 16 and half hai!
AWADH RAJ
Aise nabalig chutkule mat sunana

HARRY
Hansna nahi hai, hansana nahi hai,
Fir karu kya?
AWADH RAJ
Kaam dhandhe ki baat karo. Mujhe
toh nahi batate, ladki walon ko toh
batana padega na kya business karte
ho
HARRY
Wo business poochenge toh main unse
pooch lunga, aapko aam khane hain
ki ped ginne hain?
AWADH RAJ
Ped se todke aam khane mein aata
hai maza toh. Kya yaar gaon ki yaad
dila di.
SHAKUNTALA
Wo sab chhodo, ye batao nashte pani
ka kya prabandh karenge?

HARRY
Nashta itna hai ghar mein ki poori
baraat ko badhazmi ho jaye
AWADH RAJ
Tumhae ghar me jo hai, use Chakhna
kehte hain. Arey Samosa-kachori
lao, mehngi vali mithai rakho. Jab
Shakuntala ke pitaji humko dekhne
aaye the, kaju katli laye the hum

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.

SHAKUNTALA
Pehli aur aakhiri baar! Uske baad
toh bas sonpapdi khilai hai.
AWADH RAJ
Taane bahut deti ho tum
SHAKUNTALA
Kameej kaunsi pehn rahe hain?
Harry ekdum Purple shirt lekar aata hai.

AWADH RAJ
Accha hai
SHAKUNTALA
Dinbhar baniyan mein ghoomne vale
aadmi se fashion ka gyan, kabhi mat
lena. Thoda kam chatakeela rang
laiye.
Harry brings more shirts, sab chatakh.

AWADH RAJ
Waah! Kamaal! Adbhut!
HARRY
Thank you Awadh ji

AWADH RAJ
Deevar ko keh rahe hain
HARRY
Waah bhyi waah! ab lag raha hai
ghar sa
UC GUY
Thank you sir
HARRY
Agar tum bhi gadbad karte toh ekdum
heart break ho jata mera.
UC GUY
Aise kaise sir, Company ki
guarantee hai! Aapko painting
quality pasand na aati toh hum
paise hi nahi lete.
HARRY
Kya baat kar rahe ho! Rulayega kya
pagle.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.

SHAKUNTALA
Chaliye ab ghar toh taiyar ho gaya,
Aap bhi badhiya sa kuch le aaiye
apne liye. Thoda susheel lagen
jismen.

HARRY
B wing vala Susheel? Na ji na uss
buddhe jaise lage mere dushman.
AWADH RAJ
Arey waisa nahi Harry ji. Thoda
sabhy, thoda sanskari, thoda hone
vale dulhe jaisa lago...
Harry blush karte hue smile karta hai.

5 INT. ANISH’S OFFICE - DAY - 11 AM

Anish is in meeting room with HR, Vinay and Kartik.

ANISH
Ruchi, Vinay dost hai. Kabhi mazak
mein bhale hi kuch bol dun, meeting
mein kyu bolunga?
KARTIK
Anish, koi personal grudge nahi hai
mujhe but it hurts me. Kisi ki
physical appearance mazak hai
tumhare liye?
VINAY
Main toh khud apni height ko small
talks ke liye use karta hun.
KARTIK
That’s inappropriate!

VINAY
Kiske liye? Khud pe chaar joke
maarne se insecurity khatm hoti
hai. Ganje log bhi toh yahi kar
rahe hain aajkal.

KARTIK
Tumhari poori community kitni
sharminda hogi tum par.
VINAY
Short people community? Aisa kuch
toh nahi bana hai.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.

KARTIK
Lack of unity hai. Tabhi toh log
aise comments kar rahe hain. Anish
no hard feelings for you, but
healthy workplace ke liye inclusive
language adapt karna zaruri hai bro
ANISH
But i was... Look, Ruchi... Main
shuru se explain karta hun.

KARTIK
Are you trying to mensplain? Tumhen
aisa toh nahi lagta ki woman hai
toh usko kuch pata nahi hoga?
ANISH
My side of story toh nahi pata na
KARTIK
Nothing personal Anish but it’s
offencive!

ANISH
Nothing personal nothing personal
bol bolke personally hi le rahe ho
sab. Kaise person ho! Talking to
you is like walking on eggshells.

KARTIK
Tum itne heartless kaise ho sakte
ho? Eggs mein bhi life hoti hai,
sirf debate ke liye tumne unn par
pair rakh diya?

ANISH
Sach mein thodi rakh diya? Stop
being so chicken-hearted.
KARTIK
Now i’m offended for chickens and
myself. Ruchi, i don’t think hum ek
team mein fit ho payenge. Please
ise doosri team mein transfer kar
do.

ANISH
Mujhe kyu? Jise problem hai wo
badle team.
KARTIK
Problem tum hi ho

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.

RUCHI
Guys, guys, relax. Ek ek karke apni
problem mujhe batao.

VINAY
AC ka temperature badhwa do, thand
lag rahi hai.
RUCHI
Kartik, Anish... Let me discuss
this matter with my team and get
back to you
KARTIK
Tell your team isne kuch donate bhi
nahi kiya.
RUCHI
That’s not cool Anish. Kartik se
tumhare jo bhi differences ho,
acche cause mein sabko contribute
karna chahiye.
Wo gusse mein apna belt nikalta hai, everyone is shocked.
ANISH
Contribution!

KARTIK
Gareebon ke kya kaam aayegi belt?
ANISH
Bhookh se kamar patli hogi na unki.
Aur tumhara NGO fitting vale kapde
toh deta nahi hoga. Bahut kaam
aayegi belt. (silence) No, don’t
say it. Don’t say it.

KARTIK
That is so so insensitive!
Anish leaves the room with frustration.

6 INT. HARRY’S HOME - HALL - DAY - 11 AM

Anish snacks laya hai, Shelly is helping them in
preprations.
SHAKUNALA
Harry ji bura na maane toh ek baat
kahen? Pet andar kheenchke mat
rakhiye, fir saans chhodte hain toh
zyada foola foola lagta hai.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.

SHELLY
Mummy ji bura na maane toh kehke
bura manne vali baat hi keh deti
hain aur koi offend bhi nahi hota.
Tum bhi yahi kiya karo

ANISH
Boomers! Chill hai yar inka.
HARRY
Belt badi tight hai. Idhar ek hole
aur karna pdega
AWADH RAJ
Lao humko do
ANISH
Aap bade excited ho?
SHAKUNTALA
Honge hi, apne beton ne toh mauka
diya nahi, ab shauq poore kar rahe
hain.

SHELLY
Ladkiyan dekhne ka shauq? Mummy ji
bura mat maniyega par thodi ajeeb
si hobby hai, nahi?

ANISH
Waah Harry uncle new watch and all!
Good boy lag rahe ho ekdum.
HARRY
Kharcha kiya hai!
SHELLY
Anish, ye toh tumhari belt hai.
See!

ANISH
Dikhao...
SHELLY
I’m telling you tumhari hi hai

HARRY
Nahi nahi, ye toh maine kal hi
khareedi hai, nayi!
ANISH
Harry uncle! Sahi sahi bataiye.
 13.

7 INT. HARRY’ HOME - HALL - LATER 1 PM

Anish and Shelly has left. Girl has arrived with her
parents. All are having tea and snacks.
MOTHER
Crunchy hain
AWADH RAJ
Lijiye lijiye. Kya karti hain
Surekha ji aap?
FATHER
Bas Phd poori hui hai. Toh humne
kaha ab to karni padegi shadi.

AWADH RAJ
Sahi sahi, ab maa baap jabardasti
shadi nahi karvayenge toh kaun
karvayega?

SHAKUNTALA
Chalo aap bacche... mera matlab aap
log karo baatein, hum inhen park
dikhake late hain. Chaliye!
They leave Harry and Surekha alone. Awkward silence.

SUREKHA
Very pretty Wall!
HARRY
UC se wall paneling karvai hai.
Unhone kaha teen ghante mein paris
vali vibe aa jayegi toh maine kaha
why not!
SUREKHA
Ekdum! Very nice...
Silence...
HARRY
Kis cheez mein Phd ki hai aapne?

SUREKHA
Socio-Cultural Impact and
Evolutionary Dynamics of Internet
Memes

HARRY
Memes! Memes ki kya padhai, hansne
ke liye hote hain wo toh.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.

SUREKHA
Digital weapon hote hain memes.

HARRY
Hain? Aap mazak ki baat ko zyada
seriously le gaye
SUREKHA
Memes ne netaon ke carrier barbaad
kar diye, kitne star kids ko bekar
kids bana diya. Fashion, Share
market, Global politics kuch nahi
bach paya memes se. Itni dangerous
entity ko aap mazak keh rahe hain?

HARRY
Lagta hai aapko funny vale nahi
bhej raha koi. Humara group join
karo, dinbhar hansoge.
SUREKHA
Aapko kaise pata wo memes funny
hain? Ye bhi toh ho sakta hai aapka
sense of humour kharab ho. Aur
ghatiya memes dekhkar sense of
belonging aata ho.

Harry starts thinking about it.

SUREKHA
Leave, aap nahi samjhoge. 8 saal ki
research aur 600 pages ki thesis
likhne ke baad mujhe itni clarity
aai hai.
HARRY
Itni mehnat! Fir toh sahi hi honge
aapke nateeje. Par unse hoga kya?
Band ho jayenge kya ye meme
vgairah?
SUREKHA
Nahi... wo to nahi honge...

HARRY
Fir? (Pause) PHD hi ho gayi ye
toh... Pretty hard disappointment!
SUREKHA
(after a pause)
Harry ji main yahan Parents ke
pressure mein aai. Par accha laga
mujhe... aapka ghar.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.

HARRY
Thank you ji thank you
SUREKHA
Par aap... Hum Intellctually
compatible nahi hai.

HARRY
Matlab?
SUREKHA
Matlab main kisi aise aadmi ko apna
life partner kaise bana sakti hun
jo meme dekhkar hansta ho! Samjh
rahe hain na?

8 INT. ANISH’S OFFICE - DAY - EVENING

Anish enters the meeting room with some stuff.
ANISH
Hi Guys! Maine socha team se jate
jate aap sabko kuch yaadein deta
jaun.
VINAY
Ye toh meri bottle hai

GIRL
Aur ye mera sweater... Ye toh
Kartik ke NGO ko donate kiya tha
maine.
VINAY
Ye sab tumhen kahan se mila?
ANISH
Chor bazaar se... Shop no 108...
Sorry Kartik tumhare liye kuch nahi
laya, offend mat hona please.
KARTIK
Haha... Anish bhi na. aap cause
theek se samjhe nahi... Core
purpose jo hai na mere NGO ka wo
help hi hai but jab tak apni help
khud nahi karenge tab tak...
And he notices HR is standing at the door.
FADE OUT.