NAME : NAZWA AULIA ZAHRO

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CLASS : 2G

SUMMARY BOOK
13 THINGS STRONG PEOPLE DON’T DO
BY AMY MORIN

CHAPTER 1

THEY DON’T WASTE TIME FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSEVES

Mentally strong people replace self-pity with gratitude.

One day, Amy Morin witnessed a minor accident: two cars in a supermarket parking lot were backing up
and bumped into each other. Morin watched the two drivers get out of the car and she couldn’t help
noticing something. Even though those drivers just experienced the same accident, their reactions couldn’t
have been more different. The first driver got out and looked almost relieved. How lucky he was that no
one was seriously hurt! How miraculous that this hadn’t led to a serious injury! The second driver,
however, felt rather unlucky: Oh great, he moaned. Just exactly what he needed! Why does this BS always
happen to him?

So, what’s the point? Well, the second driver is a perfect example of the first behavior that mentally strong
people don’t do: he is pitying himself. He is sulking, dwelling in his misfortune, throwing a pity party.
People who pity themselves tend to think their problems are much worse. They complain that life is not
fair and when you ask them how their day went, they will readily hand you a list of all the things that went
wrong.

But as common as it is, it’s also a problem. Because feeling sorry for yourself can be quite self-destructive.
You're not only wasting your time; you’re also training your mind to focus on the negatives. Which will
make you more miserable, and this in turn will make you focus even more on the downsides. Meanwhile,
all the good luck and positive experiences pass by unnoticed.

So, yes, self-pity is destructive. But how can you stop? Well, the most effective antidote is gratitude. If
you’re stuck in a mindset of “Bad things are always happening to me,” just stop for a second. Sit down and
write a list of the good things that have happened to you. To make it more regular, you can also keep a
gratitude journal. All you have to do is write down at least one thing you are grateful for per day. Also, it
helps to say it out loud – tell the people around you what life has gifted you.

Sooner or later, you might find yourself in the mindset of the first driver. Instead of complaining about a
minor accident, you’ll actually feel thankful that nothing worse has happened. Which brings you one step
closer to becoming a mentally strong person
CHAPTER 2

THEY DON’T GIVE AWAY THEIR POWER

Mentally strong people hold on to their power and forgive others.

Lauren, a loving mother of two. She nearly had a picture-perfect family life, if it wasn’t for one thing: her
mother-in-law. Lauren found her overbearing. Not only would she come over unannounced, she constantly
criticized Lauren’s parenting style and even made nasty comments about her weight. Lauren always kept a
polite smile on the outside, but was boiling on the inside. And it wasn’t only that her mother-in-law
occupied precious family time; Lauren also found herself ruminating and complaining about her at least
several hours per week. Clearly, something was wrong. Which brings us to the second habit that mentally
strong people don’t do: they don’t let other people have power over them

CHAPTER 3

THEY DON’T SHY AWAY FROM CHANGE

Mentally strong people are always ready to embrance change.

Richard, He just got diagnosed with diabetes and his doctor told him he was 75 pounds overweight, so he
felt like he needed to make a change – which was easier said than done. He made a pledge to abstain from
any sort of junk food; he even cleared his shelves of all the cookies and sugary drinks. He signed up for the
gym. All of this sounded like a good plan – on paper. In real life, though, he soon found himself snacking in
front of the TV instead of exercising. Despite all the best intentions, he didn’t lose a single pound!

Let’s face it: Making a change is difficult. But if you lack the mental strength, it’s easy to shy away from it.
But this comes at a heavy price: Without change, you can feel like you’re stuck while others are outgrowing
you.

CHAPTER 4

THEY DON’T FOCUS ON THINGS THEY CAN’T CONTROL

Mentally strong people don’t get distracted by things by things they can’t control

One day, James wanted to spend an afternoon whale watching with his daughter. Such dates had become a
rare and cherished occasion; after the divorce from his wife, Carmen, she was granted primary custody
while James was only allowed to see her on Wednesdays and weekends. To make things even more
complicated, the divorced parents were competing over their daughter’s favor, trying to trump one another
with gifts and fun activities. So when he learned from his daughter that her mom had taken her on a whale
watching trip just the week prior – supposedly to ruin their whale watching trip – James was infuriated.
Instead of enjoying the rare quality time with his daughter, he sent angry text messages to his ex-wife. The
afternoon was ruined.

So what exactly are we witnessing here? It’s this: James got unnecessarily upset about something that was
outside his control. But like most people, James loves to have full control over the situation. This includes
telling people what and what not to do. But this just made the situation worse, spoiling the already rare
quality time with his daughter.
CHAPTER 5

THEY DON’T WORRY ABOUT PLEASING EVERYONE

Always wanting to please others doesn’t work, and being ready to sometimes displease makes you stronger.

Megan had a relatable problem: she felt constantly stressed. The to-dos seemed to pour in from all sides –
church members asked her to quickly bake some muffins for Sunday Service, her sister needed her as a
babysitter, and her cousin always came over with some last-minute favor to ask. Soon it became clear that
Megan’s stress had a particular reason: it was because she had a hard time saying no. Or, in other words, she
was a people pleaser.

Being nice is – well, nice. But it becomes a problem if you’re being too nice. First of all, people who tend to
be too nice can be easily taken advantage of. Since they hate to disagree, they will rather say yes than risk a
conflict. Not only are they constantly concerned about what other people think about them, they will also go
to great lengths to change their behavior so that they appear more likeable, often at the expense of their own
desires and wishes.

CHAPTER 6

THEY DON’T FEAR TAKING CALCULATED RISKS

Mentally strong people are not afraid of taking calculated risks.

When Dale told his wife about an old dream of his – opening up his own furniture store – he was met with a
good amount of eye-rolling. Oh, what a dreamer he was! And he agreed – why would he give up his stable
job as a high school teacher for a risky undertaking like this? So he kept on working in the same old job.
The only problem: The more he tried to forcefully repress his true aspiration, the more frustrated he grew.
Even worse, he felt defeated and depressed. He found himself stuck in a dilemma. What should he do?

So let’s take a deeper look at this and see how mentally strong people handle risks. Like Dale, most people
are naturally averse to risk-taking. They’re afraid of making certain decisions, often entertaining worst-case
scenarios in their head. But instead of fulfilling their wishes, they end up on the couch ruminating about
what life could have had in store for them if they only dared to do X and Y.

CHAPTER 7

THEY DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST

Coming to terms with the past makes you stronger, but it takes concrete steps to do so.

Gloria's relationship with her 28-year-old daughter was more than difficult. It became clear to Gloria that
her daughter was stuck in a loop of self-destructive behavior – constantly switching boyfriends, not holding
down a job, and moving back in with her. But instead of saying anything, she even enabled it with her well-
meaning behavior. Why? Because she felt guilt and shame over how she wasn’t really there for her daughter
when she was younger, so now she wanted to make up for it. In other words, she was so stuck in the past
that she couldn’t move forward.
If there’s something we can learn from Gloria’s story, it’s this: if you want to become mentally stronger, you
should stop dwelling on your past. This habit comes in many forms. It can mean you’re replaying certain
scenes from your past over and over; you’re wondering how your life would’ve turned out if you had taken
this one job; or you assume that getting back with your ex-lover will solve all your problems. Yes, a certain
amount of retrospective reflection is healthy, but too much of it can be destructive.

CHAPTER 8

THEY DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES OVER AND OVER

Mentally strong people avoid repeating the same mistakes, and this requires self-discipline.

Let’s take a little time machine to a small town in mid-nineteenth-century Massachusetts. We’re with the
businessman Rowland Macy, who just launched a dry goods store, but made quite a fatal mistake. The
location he chose was way too quiet, and he struggled to attract customers as a result.

To drum up interest in his fledgling store, Macy organized a large parade through his town that would end
up at his shop. Unfortunately, on the day of the parade it was so blazing hot that nobody turned up. He fell
so deep into debt that he had to give up his business.

CHAPTER 9

THEY DON’T RESENT OTHER PEOPLE’S SUCCESS

Mentally strong people don’t envy other people’s success but rather seek to collaborate with them.

if you ever got grumpy while browsing through your peers’ seemingly perfect lives on social media, this one
might be for you. In 2013, researchers published a study with the telling title “Envy on Facebook: A Hidden
Threat to Users’ Life Satisfaction.” The result: People can get really bummed out to see other people’s
successes and happiness. Being exposed to your peers’ vacation photos is particularly bad, and they can
even get angry over a lot of birthday wishes.

If that sounds relatable to you, behold! This feeling is called resentment and – you guessed it – it’s
something mentally strong people don’t do. If you feel like other people are more successful than you,
you’ll likely feel envious about their good fortune. On the outside you might keep a polite smile, but when
your neighbour shows you his brand-new Tesla, you might secretly despise him. You were just about to
enjoy this garden party, but now your mood is ruined.
CHAPTER 10

THEY DON’T GIVE UP AFTER THE FIRST FAILURE

Mentally strong people don’t give up easily, and they are self-compassionate about failure.

Thomas Edison is world-famous for inventing the light bulb. But did you know that he also came up
with contraptions like the electric pen or the so-called ghost machine? If you’ve never heard of these,
don’t worry – both were complete failures. And they were far from being Edison’s only flops – at
least, from our perspective. Edison himself didn’t consider these attempts to be failures. Instead, he
saw them as learning opportunities, chances to experiment with what worked and what didn’t. Each
time he failed, he considered himself to be one step closer to succeeding.

But, yeah, this is not the common perspective on failure. If you drop out of college or lose an
important client, your go-to-reaction is not “Finally, another learning opportunity.” The opposite is
true. It often comes with a sense of shame – an experience we want to avoid at all costs. As a
consequence, some people will stop trying entirely, making it a habit to give up at the faintest sign of
hardship.

CHAPTER 11

THEY DON’T FEAR ALONE TIME

Mentally strong people are comfortable being alone and use meditation to become more resilient.

Morin is counseling office. This time we’re sitting with Vanessa, who has a very particular problem.
Despite being exhausted from busy work days, she had a hard time falling asleep. It feels like she
can’t turn off her mind; her thoughts are racing hour after hour, pondering situations of the day or
worrying about tasks to come. During the day, she was working as quite the successful real estate
agent, always on the go, always “on.” Morin asked her how often she just sat down just by herself,
doing nothing and giving her thoughts some space, to which she replied, “Never – why would I?!”

Being alone and winding down is not something that ranks high on most people’s priority list. Some
find it unproductive, others outright scary. They’re uncomfortable with silence and solitude. They
pack their calendar with social events, and when they’re actually by themselves, they’re on their
phone or let the TV fill their apartments with background noises

CHAPTER 12

THEY DON’T FEEL THE WORLD OWES THEM ANYTHING

Many people have an entitlement mentality, but strong people concentrate on giving rather than
taking.

Lucas was by no means popular among his coworkers. Even though he was fresh out of college and
just starting out, he behaved like a know-it-all. He constantly told his more experienced coworkers
how he would do it. He thought of himself as an extremely valuable employee who deserved a
promotion into a leadership position. But instead of promoting him, Lucas’s boss told him to tone it
down; his coworkers were annoyed by his bossy behavior. They felt like he’s acting a bit, well,
entitled.

Even though that sounds far from relatable, we all have a little bit of Lucas inside us. To some degree,
we’re all inclined to believe that the world owes us something

CHAPTER 13

THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS

Mentally strong people recognize that achievements take time and that progress isn’t always
immediately apparent.

If there’s one weakness that Marcy had, it was her notorious impatience. When her kids or coworkers
wouldn’t comply with her pace, she’d say, “I’m not getting any younger.” She’d read dozens of self-
help books, but was disappointed when they didn’t magically change her life overnight. She
abandoned therapy just after a few sessions because she didn’t see the immediate results that she
wanted. What she was desperately looking for was a shortcut, a magic pill that would eliminate her
dissatisfaction with life. Unfortunately, as mentally strong people know, this pill doesn’t exist.

In a world of 24-hour delivery, on-demand streaming and fast food, most people are used to getting
what they want as quickly as possible. But if instant gratification becomes an overall expectation,
you’re gonna have some problems in your life.