PositivePsychology.

com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

When Hot Buttons Are Pushed

Coping Many current models of emotions state that emotions are associated with urges to act
in particular ways; these urges have been referred to as action tendencies (Frijda, 1986;
Exercise
Frijda, Kuipers, & Schure, 1989; Tooby & Cosmides, 1990). For instance, anger can create
30 min the urge to attack, fear can lead to the urge to avoid or escape, disgust can be associated
with the urge to expel, and so on. It is important to note that action tendencies depend on
Group
the situation (Barrett, 2006). For instance, fear may create the urge to flee and the urge to
No
take the car and race to the hospital after hearing that a friend had an accident. Likewise,
anger may result in a strong urge to shout but may also increase the desire to turn away
silently. Although people do not necessarily act upon these urges, they have ideas about
possible courses of action when these specific urges are present. When people follow
these urges, we speak of impulsive behavior before consciously deciding to do so. In these
cases, the behavior is the immediate result of the emotion, not the individual’s deliberate
choice (Strack & Deutsch, 2004).

Impulsive behavior can be regarded as the opposite of autonomous, self-regulated

behavior in which the individual consciously makes choices and takes responsibility for
his or her actions. Impulsive, emotion-driven actions underlie a wide range of problems,
including eating difficulties, violence, and addiction. Given the negative consequences of
many impulsive actions, it is important to learn how to manage them. Research findings
suggest that becoming more aware of the action tendencies generated by an emotional
state can be an effective way to reduce impulsive acting (Fetterman, Robinson, Ode, &
Gordon, 2010; Peters, Erisman, Upton, Baer & Roemer, 2011). This tool was designed
to make people aware of things that can easily trigger negative emotions and result in
impulsive reactions to these emotions.

Author

This tool was created by Dr. Lucinda Poole and Dr. Hugo Alberts.

Goal

This tool aims to help people identify their triggers (hot buttons) – and address them
effectively – so that they can respond more effectively the next time they feel triggered.

[1]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Advice
■ This tool could be used in combination with the coping strategy wheels tool, which
offers a graphical overview of common helpful and unhelpful coping strategies. The
coping strategy wheels may be particularly helpful in step 5, which requires the
participants to consider more effective coping strategies.
■ This exercise may be valuable for teams because it can help people understand each
other’s triggers, preventing unnecessary stress.
■ This tool aims to illuminate the fact that everybody reacts differently to things. What
triggers one person may not be a hot button for another person. Encouraging clients
to see their hot buttons in this way allows them to ‘own’ their hot buttons and thus
take responsibility for dealing with them. It’s not so much the person who pushed our
button that is to blame; otherwise, everyone would be affected by the same trigger.
■ A Word of Caution. A very sinister teammate could use the knowledge of people’s hot
buttons in negative and destructive ways. If you notice this behavior, it would be best
to raise it with the team member.
■ The facilitator might choose to introduce ‘mindful coping’ as an effective coping
strategy (step 5) if the group does not develop something similarly effective. The
facilitator can explain that one helpful way to respond when we have been triggered
is to:
1. Become aware of our reaction; that is, the body sensations, emotions, and
thoughts that show up in response to a hot button being pushed
2. Pause and take a deep, slow breath, instead of responding as usual
3. Consciously consider the most helpful way to respond
■ To demonstrate this mindful coping strategy, the facilitator can guide participants
to close their eyes and imagine that one of their hot buttons has been pushed. For
instance, they have arrived to work to find the common area a mess. Invite them to
allow whatever thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations to emerge and to notice
their urge to respond in their usual way. Then, invite the group to pause and take a
few deep breaths, and from this calmer state, consider (silently to themselves) how
else they could respond to this situation. After a minute or so, invite the group to open
their eyes.

[2]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

References

■ Fetterman, A. K., Robinson, M. D., Ode, S., & Gordon, K. H. (2010). Neuroticism as
a risk factor for behavioral dysregulation: A mindfulness-mediation perspective.
Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29, 301-321.

■ Frijda, N. H. (1986). The Emotions. Cambridge University Press.

■ Frijda, N. H., Kuipers, P., & Ter Schure, E. (1989). Relations among emotion, appraisal,
and emotional action readiness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57,
212-228.

■ Peters, J. R., Erisman, S. M., Upton, B. T., Baer, R. A., & Roemer, L. (2011).
A preliminary investigation of the relationships between dispositional mindfulness
and impulsivity. Mindfulness, 2, 228-235.

■ Tooby, J., & Cosmides, L. (1990). The past explains the present: Emotional
adaptations and the structure of ancestral environments. Ethology and Sociobiology,
11, 375-424.

[3]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

When Hot buttons Are Pushed

We all have “hot buttons,” things that trigger us and cause us to act in impulsive and unhelpful ways. This
exercise is about becoming aware of our hot buttons and learning how to respond to them more effectively.

Step 1: Identify hot buttons

Divide the group into smaller groups of 3 or 4, and hand each small group a piece of paper and a pen. Ask
participants to consider what triggers them, that is, what upsets them or ticks them off. Maybe they dislike
being interrupted, or perhaps they get upset when they arrive home to find the kitchen is a mess. These
triggers are their personal “hot buttons.” On their piece of paper, have one person from each group write
down all hot buttons raised during this discussion. (Note, there is no need to write down who each hot
button belongs to). The following unfinished sentences can be posed to participants to help them identify
their hot buttons:

■ It makes me angry when…

■ I do not like it when people…
■ I feel offended when…
■ I think it is rude to…
■ At work, I wish people would…
■ At home, I think it would be better if family members would…

Step 2: Understand personal reactions to hot buttons

Using the following questions to guide a group discussion, ask participants (still within their smaller groups)
to share what they experience when a hot button has been pushed:

■ What happens in your body? Do you feel heat anywhere? Jittery? Sweaty? Does your heart beat faster?
■ What emotions usually show up? Do you notice anger? Frustration? Annoyance?
■ What thoughts go through your mind? “How inconsiderate!” “I am so over this!” “How rude.”

Step 3: Identify coping strategies

Bring the group together now for the remainder of the exercise. As a whole group, explore how people deal
with their buttons being pushed in everyday life. Ask the question, “What do you tend to do when your hot
button has been pushed? How do you deal with it?” On the board, write down every coping strategy offered
by the group, regardless of whether it is a helpful strategy. For instance, participants might say, “I walk away”
or “I put my headphones on and ignore the person for the rest of the day” or “I express my feelings.” (Note,
the facilitator can condense these strategies into one or two words, for instance, “passive-aggressive” or
“headphones on.”)

[4]
 PositivePsychology.com | Positive Psychology Toolkit

Step 4: Highlight effectiveness of coping strategies

As a whole group, discuss the effectiveness of each coping strategy raised in the previous step; ask
participants to consider how well the strategy helps solve the issue. What happens to both them and their
colleagues as a result of coping in this way? For instance, if a participant tends to walk away, does he or she
end up feeling lonely and isolated? If a participant tends to yell in frustration, does he or she later regret
acting this way, and does this rupture the relationship between him/herself and the other person?

Discuss one coping strategy at a time and rate its effectiveness in reducing their reaction to the button
being triggered on a 10-point scale. (The facilitator writes down the effectiveness ratings after each coping
strategy on the board).

Step 5: Understand effective coping strategies

Consider the most effective coping strategies (i.e., rated 6 or higher). As a group, discuss what makes these
strategies useful, compared to those that are less effective. (The facilitator writes down the reasons why
these strategies are effective on the board).

Step 6: Group reflection

■ How was it to do this exercise?

■ What did you learn?
■ What coping strategy resonated with you? Have you tried this before?
■ What steps can you take to prevent your and other people’s hot buttons from being pushed?
■ How might you be willing to use what we discussed today in your life?

[5]