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Three Loving Connections

Communication In the last decade, the fascinating research field of positive emotion has exploded with
studies showing that people who experience warmer, more upbeat emotions tend to live
Exercise
longer and healthier lives. In her book Love 2.0, Fredrickson (2013) argued that the highest
5 min/day positive emotion is love. The presence or absence of love influences everything we feel,
do, think, and become.
Client
Yes The “three loving connections” is an exercise that aims to cultivate the emotion of love
by seeking out three meaningful interactions each day and reflecting on them each night.
Preliminary findings suggest that recording these experiences triggers positive physiological
effects in the body. In a pilot study, Kok (2012) suggested that taking one minute each day
to record how ‘close’ and ‘in tune’ we feel when interacting with others can improve heart
function and boost daily positive emotions. Moreover, seeking positive micro-moments
may promote positive psychological well-being, which is positively correlated to health
and survival in both healthy and diseased populations (Chida & Steptoe, 2008; Howell,
Kern, & Lyubomirsky, 2007).

Goal

The goal of this exercise is to increase the experience of love by seeking out three
meaningful interactions each day and to reflect on them each night.

Advice

■ Just like loving-kindness meditation, this exercise aims to increase psychological well-
being by targeting social closeness. However, some clients dislike meditation or loving
kindness meditation in particular. For these clients, this exercise may be a valuable
alternative.
■ Clients need to be able to choose the frequency and intensity of this exercise freely.
Rather than making it a mandatory daily assignment, the practitioner should follow
the client’s lead and co-create a format that works for the client.

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References

■ Chida, Y., & Steptoe, A. (2008). Positive psychological well-being and mortality:
A quantitative review of prospective observational studies. Psychosomatic medicine,
70(7), 741-756.

■ Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). Love 2.0: Finding happiness and health in moments of

connection. Penguin.

■ Howell, R. T., Kern, M. L., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). Health benefits: Meta-
analytically determining the impact of well-being on objective health outcomes.
Health Psychology Review, 1(1), 83-136.

■ Kok, B. E. (2012). Testing the socio-autonomic spiral model of social connection and
health [Unpublished doctoral dissertation]. The University of North Carolina at
Chapel Hill.

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Three Loving Connections

Instructions

Step 1: Connect

Each day, look for three opportunities to interact and connect with others, for instance, a relative, friend,
colleague, or stranger. Each interaction can be with the same person or with three different people.

■ Approach this potential interaction with warmth, respect, and good will
■ Make an effort to stay present and listen with an open heart
■ Offer your eye contact and (when appropriate) your touch
■ Share your light-hearted thoughts and feelings

Step 2: Reflection

Each night call to mind your three interactions. Rate each of the following statements on a scale of 1 (not
true at all) to 7 (very true):

■ During these interactions, I felt “in tune” with the person/s around me.
■ During these interactions, I felt close to the person/s around me.

A low rating on both questions suggests that you did not connect to the other person during the interaction.
If so, you may reflect on the following questions:

■ Why did I feel not so connected to the other person?

■ What can I possibly do next time to enhance my connection with the other person?

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