Can Casual Sex Emotionally

Satisfy You?
By Alek Rolstad

Hey guys!

Here is another reflection of mine. Lately I have discussed with

other well-experienced seducers about “meaningfulness” in
seduction – a topic that has really caught my attention lately.

What is the meaning of all this?

Many men tend to look at this in a very black and white fashion – as
in either sleeping with lots of different women or settling down
with one particular girl.

Truth is, it doesnʼt have to be that black and white. This post will
briefly discuss the pros and cons before covering an alternative to
those forms of lifestyle – a lifestyle I and a few other seducers are
discussing or even endorsing.
Casual Sexual Relationships

Men tend to have polarized interests. On the one side you have
those who just want a girlfriend and on the other extreme you
have those who just want to play around and have a lot of
insignificant sex – insignificant as in lacking an emotional
connection.

Both have their pros and cons and it all comes down to preferences
in the end. There is nothing wrong with settling down if that is your
choice, just as it is totally fine to sleep around.

That being said, as mentioned, most guys tend to go for the

extreme and usually overlook the grey zone – namely something
in between sleeping around and connecting with a girl in a more
emotionally significant relationship. Very commonly guys who play
around with seduction material tend to go out a lot and lay many
different women – new ones weekly, and then out of the blue
switching over to the other extreme. That being said, some discover
this material while in a relationship and go from having a strong
connection to becoming the local sex toy.

As mentioned, this all comes down to personal choices. What I do

not get is why so many tend to go from one extreme to the other.
The differences between both lifestyles are dramatic, and most
people rarely change their life so radically in other fields in their life.
However, when it comes to sex and relationships, extreme change
seems to be the norm. Here are some of those radical changes:

Going from huge amounts of stimuli (by going out and meeting
many women) to getting very little stimuli (boyfriend lifestyle
tends to offer less stimuli)

Many different sex partners to having only one

A lifestyle of going out a lot into a more passive lifestyle

Going from being a totally free wildcat into becoming more

passive. You are also most likely giving away some of your
freedom as well

Going from having a lot of insignificant sex (again with

“insignificant sex” I am referring to casual sex with very little or
no emotional connection at all) into having very emotionally
significant sex

There are probably many other things that change when one enters
a relationship that I havenʼt mentioned here. But anyway, the bottom
line is the same – the changes in oneʼs life are radical, especially
when one enters a monogamous relationship, which also tends to
be the norm.

As mentioned earlier, both lifestyles have their pros and cons. Let us
briefly cover these before I allow myself to share an alternative to
those extremes that might sound appealing to some of you (and if it
doesnʼt I still hope this post will be an interesting read to you).

Casual Sex

Casual sex offers many great things and oftentimes seems a great
way to develop fundamental seduction skills (that can also be VERY
useful in long term relationships) and the source of a lot of
excitement. Casual sex is a lot of fun and actually has a lot to offer:

The ability to explore the world (of vagina)

The excitement of meeting lots of people and experience many

exciting, twisted, and weird experience

You will develop a lot of field experience, sharpening your

seduction skills

Many men, myself included, get a hell of a kick from meeting a

stranger and within a short time be able to have sex with her

A strong feeling of total freedom

There is obviously a lot of fun and a high level of stimuli involved in

having lots of casual sex on a regular basis. On the other hand, this
lifestyle does not offer:

Emotional connection

You barely get to know the girl in most situations

Lacks female affection (which is something many men need!)

Better potential for reproduction

Let us now briefly look at the pros and cons of long term
commitment.

Long Term Relationships

Many of us have experience with these kind of relationships and I

am sure many of you readers have your own experiences with this
lifestyle. That is why I will briefly share my experiences, that I am
sure is representative for most men out there. Long term
relationships offer:

A high degree of emotional connection

A lot of female affection

A feeling of “security”

Exclusiveness (you only sleep with her in return for her only
sleeping with you – this goes for monogamous relationships)

Potential future and possibilities for reproduction

The ability to REALLY experiment sexually (I discussed this

point in my article about developing sexual experience)

However, there are some downsides as well:

Far less stimuli than having a lot of casual sex with different sex
partners

Many men become less social when in relationships

Fewer adventures

Not be able to experience different women

Your seduction skills will become rather rusty

So now that we have covered the pros and cons of both lifestyles,
let us discuss a third option. The option might seem obvious to
many of you, yet very few men live or even consider this alternative.
As mentioned, there is good and bad in everything and it all comes
down to your choices and preferences, but I would advise you to at
least consider what I am about to share.

Emotionally Significant Casual Sex

I guess the title says it all. The idea here is that you connect
deeper with each of your sex partners – basically mixing some
elements of long term relationships with aspects from having casual
sex.

Many seducers that I know of – who go out a lot and meet lots of
women and regularly have sex with different partners – tell me they
do enjoy their lifestyle, yet they feel that something is lacking. What
they feel is lacking is usually female affection and emotional
connection.

So the idea here is to keep having a lot of sex with different women
– i.e., keep going out and meeting and banging the women you
meet, however also trying to connect with these women. That
sounds easier said than done. Allow me to explain.

The Big Catch

There is a catch here, namely that too much “connection” or

too much “rapport” can actually decrease your chances of
bedding the woman you have just approached – especially in a
stimulus-loaded environment like a nightclub – but this also goes for
day game and online game.

Women really like the idea of having sex with someone new – “the
mysterious stranger”. I have discussed many times the distinction
between the “lover” and the “provider” – which is a cool and
useful theory (and just a theory, not a rule set in stone). The theory
in a nutshell says that some men women perceive as providers –
men who are well fit to become boyfriends, whereas others,
namely the lovers, are just pure sex toys to women. Women will
treat these men differently. For instance she will with more ease
have sex on the first night with a guy she perceives as a lover, and
more likely to put up a lot of resistance with the provider.

When it comes down to casual sex, it is all about being perceived as

a lover – whereas in a long-term relationships you can allow
yourself to be a mix of both. You can easily go from being a “lover”
to her, to add in more element of the “provider”. Mind you that going
the other way around is way more difficult.

How to Connect

Connecting a lot prior to having sex with her will at best make you
come across as a provider, and many times can put you straight into
the friend zone. So how do you connect with a girl if you plan on
having regular sex with girls you have just met?

There are a few options that I have discovered so far:

Sexual Connection: Connect with her purely on a sexual

level. Some people say “it is not all about sex”, and they are
right, but sex is the pillar of emotional connection within a
sexual relationship. So focusing on that will allow you to
connect with her on a very deep level. Never underestimate the
power of sex. This form of emotional connection is according to
my experience one of the strongest.

The way I manage to connect on this level is by using sex talk

to create a form of sexual rapport – sexual compatibility. Being
similar in terms of sexuality, similar views on sex, having more
or less the same kinks, similar experiences. The way you do this
is obviously by talking about sex, telling her what you like –
what you enjoy doing in bed, sharing your knowledge, sharing
your stories. It is obviously also key that you make her open up
by taking care of things like anti-slut defense and motivate her
to share her own experiences, her own perspectives, her own
desires, her own stories. Now this has to be done the right way
– I have written quite a few posts on the topic that you should
check out if this interests you:

How to Use Sex Talk to Set a Sexual Tone and Mood

How to Use Sex Talk, Part II: Case Study
How to Tell a Sex Story, Part I
How to Tell a Sex Story, Part II
Being the Sexually Liberated Guy

Connecting with her AFTER having had sex with

her. So you basically go for the regular “talk shit and get laid”
strategy, and once you have had sex with her, you start
building a lot of rapport. This works because you will not
whatsoever end up in the friend zone because you have after
all already been into her. When I pull a one-night stand for
instance I usually try to have sex with her as fast as possible in
order to “get it over with”. The idea here is that I want to crack
that barrier as fast as possible. Have you noticed that the first
time you bang a girl, it is a bit awkward, she isnʼt really
comfortable, and the sex is not as good as it should be,
however the second time you bang her on the same night it
tends to be so much better? This is what I opt for – crack the
barrier and get her comfortable having sex with me so that the
second round she can TRULY release herself.

Having really wild and crazy sex on the first night is a REALLY
good way to really connect – especially if you have built
additional rapport between the first round and the second
round. The first round of sex is a “means to and ends”, whereas
the second round is the “end in itself”. Before I move on to the
next concept, I would warn you that connecting too much can
in some cases make her see you as a potential boyfriend and
she might start really liking you. This however doesnʼt happen
as often as one might think and if you donʼt put too much
emphasis on “meeting again” (i.e., leaving that hypothetical),
and if you do see her again, avoid meeting her too often and
avoid doing too many boyfriend-girlfriend stuff.

It is fine to build a lot of rapport and get to know her prior to

having sex with her as long as you make sure to sexualize
the interaction enough, either by talking about sex (verbal
sexual innuendos are also fine) or escalating physically – this
is key. It is also key that you donʼt create too much rapport with
her – donʼt overdo it. This is a simple straightforward way to do
 things and is pretty easy to pull off. Even though this might
seem very “cookie cutter”, it is less efficient than any of the
other strategies, but works nevertheless.

Sexual Tension! Our dear Cody Lyans is really the expert

on it. When there is a strong sexual tension between you and
the girl, you tend to connect with each other on a VERY
UNIQUE level that tends to lead to VERY PASSIONATE and
WILD sex. Now sexual tension is basically when there is this
vibe of mystique and intrigue between you two that forms a
strong bubble, where both of you know there is something
going on between you two, yet with the element of mystery
and intrigue. This bubble is usually formed by strong eye
contact, heavy escalation, and cutting the spaces between
you two.

It is key to hold the tension and not break it (by cracking a joke
or two) and let it increase naturally (by looking at her with a
poker face while touching her passionately). She will try to
break it, but if you persist and not fall for her attempts of
dissolving it, it will increase to a point of no return. This works
best when isolated with the girl. Note that although sexual
tension is very strong and powerful, the downside here is that
you cannot always control it – sometimes it gets created
easily, sometimes you just simply wonʼt reach that point of no
return no matter what you do. Keep in mind that sexual tension
is not required to get laid, but once you create the bubble,
things tend to go smoothly and the end results tend to be really
great.

These are my suggestions. Keep in mind that they do not exclude

each other. You can combine these strategies if you see fit. For
example, you can always create a lot of sexual tension, pull her
home, have sex with her, create some rapport, and have sex with
her again. Or maybe you use some heavy sex talk and you connect
with her on a sexual level. After pulling her home and having sex
with her, you create some additional rapport before having sex with
her again. It is all up to you.

Women as Means and Ends

Now keep in mind that you wonʼt connect with all the women you
meet. Very often you will end up doing the good old “talk shit and
get laid” thing and having very “insignificant sex”. There is nothing
wrong with that, as it is a lot of fun. Even though you might want
to connect deeper with the women you sleep with (or plan on
sleeping with) there are no guarantees that this will happen – thatʼs
life, get over it.

However, the way I see it, is that the women I donʼt really connect
with serve as “means to and end”, namely that I want to have sex
with many different women with the end goal of meeting those
amazing women that I really connect with.

If I meet a girl that I donʼt really connect with, thatʼs fine, she is just
part of the process – the process of finding those special women
out there. That being said, I can still have fun with her and we can
still have a great time. I donʼt see anything wrong with “viewing” her
as a “means” or a part of a process, since she didnʼt connect with
me after all and she is probably using me for the same purpose –
more or less, for example riding the cock carousel before finding
that special boyfriend.
I will go out this weekend and I might hook up a girl I might connect
with. She might be a girl that will have a place in my memory and
heart for the rest of my life, even if I am only with her for one night…
or I might meet a girl who I might not really match with but whom I
can have fun with anyway.

Yet I know that sooner or later, I will meet a girl that will give me
passion, before the cycle starts again. This is how I live and this
lifestyle is just amazing. I love what I am doing.

I am into this in order to have great sex, meet amazing women, and
have great adventures with them.

I might not always get there every time I go out, but each night,
each woman is a new opportunity, and an opportunity that I cannot
wait to grab.

Happy hunting.

Best,
Alek Rolstad

About the Author: Alek Rolstad

Alek Rolstad launched his pickup career at

age 14, an early starter and seduction
savant. His unique style of game focuses
on “sex talk”: a way to make sex the
primary topic of conversation. Sex talk lets
the user excite girls rapidly, and filter for
girls open to fast, raunchy, kinky one-night stands and sex. You can
learn from Alek, the master and originator of sex talk himself, by
booking a 1-hour phone consultation with him.

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