UNIT – III

HARMONY IN FAMILY AND SOCIETY

NOTES
The Basic Unit of Human Interaction
• Every human being is born in a family, part of a family.
• Family is the basic unit or building block of human organization.
• Base for appreciating, accepting, understanding and practicing to live
in relationship & harmony.
1. Relationship is – between one Self (1) and another Self (2)
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one Self (1) for the other Self (2)
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite**.
4. The fulfillment of these feelings and their right evaluation lead to
mutual happiness

Harmony in the Family

 Shared Experiences: Sharing rituals, experiences, family stories and
memories etc.,
 Playful Interaction: Allows to connect deeper and help children learn
important life skills like communication and teamwork.
 Unconditional Love: It is the glue that binds family together.
Learning to love and accept each other in spite of our differences to
create harmonious home environment.
 Take interest in each other’s life. Include everyone in day to day
events.
Values in Human-to-Human Relationship
• We can see that feelings are in the Self, not in the Body.
• There are nine feelings in relationship.
• ** Feelings (values) in relationship:
• 1. Trust (foundation value) 2. Respect
• 3. Affection – Accepting the other 4. Care 5. Guidance
• 6. Reverence – honor or respect 7. Glory
• 8. Gratitude 9. Love (complete value)
• Naturally acceptable feelings in the Self, we share them with the
other and when we are both able to evaluate the feelings rightly, it
leads to mutual happiness.
• The problem today is that we assume ourselves to be the Body and
we assume the relationship on the basis of the Body (and not the
feelings).
• We fail to fulfill it, despite all our good intentions.
• The problems are due to absence of one or more of the right feelings
in the Self. And we try to make up this gap by physical facility.
• First, we need to rightly recognize the relationship, identify the
naturally acceptable feelings in relationship, understand these
feelings and ensure that these feelings are there in us.
• Secondly, we have to share these feelings with the other, which will
lead to mutual happiness.
Key Takeaway:

• Relationship already exists – we don’t have to create it; rather we

only have to recognize and fulfill it.
• The family is the basic unit of human-human interaction.
• The basic issue in family is that of relationship.
• In relationship, there are nine feelings (values) that can be clearly
understood and lived with.
• There is harmony in the family, mutual happiness in the family, when
we understand the feelings.
• Opposition, Jealousy – are an indication of the absence of affection.
'Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship

Trust is to be assured that the other intends to make me happy and

prosperous. It is the beginning of mutual development.
1a. Do I want to make myself happy? 1b. Am I able to make myself always
happy?
2a. Do I want to make the other happy? 2b. Am I able to make the other always
happy?
3a. Does the other want to make 3b. Is the other able to make
himself/ herself happy? himself/herself always happy?
4a. Does the other want to make me 4b. Is the other able to make me
happy? always happy?
Intention (Natural Acceptance), Competence
What is the answer? What is the answer?
• Answer to Q. 1a, 2a & 3a – Intention, natural acceptance – By &
large - YES.
 • 4a - ? , There is a question mark on 1b, 2b, 3b; on 4b there is a big
question mark. (Competence, Ability)
• While evaluating yourself, You think that you are a good person as
your intentions are good.
• On the other hand, when you evaluate the other, you evaluate him on
the basis of his/her competence,
• You will find that s(he) is not able to make you happy all the time.
• On the basis of lack of competence, we conclude about the lack of
intention of the other.
• “This is the common mistake that we make in relationship today.”
• We will make a right evaluation of our competence and their
competence (so, this is not ‘blind’ trust).
• If the other is lacking competence, what will you do?
a) Try to improve upon his competence b) Get irritated
c) Get angry d) Have a feeling of opposition
• The answer is obviously (a). It is a response which indicates trust on
intention.
• All other answers are reactions based on doubt on intention.
• Find out how many people are there in your life on whom you have
trust on intention (natural acceptance) which is unconditional and
continuous.

Outcome of affection is – Care or Guidance

• Care Can be with anyone, mother, father, brother, sister etc.,
• Do we have of a feeling of care in home, office etc.,?
• One person in family is taking 90% responsibility and others what?
• Earner of the family is taken as “Production Dept.” and others as
“Service Dept.” – it’s a type of exploitation.
• Children are getting good grades, body wise also improving,
Whether care component is increasing or not?
• Humility (Politeness) is improving or not?
• Excellent – harmony in all 4 levels, self, family, society & Nature.
• Excellent – In excellence, learn from anybody.
• Glory – made effort to make excellence in the society, truth etc.,
• Reverence - Feeling of Great Respect.
• Gratitude – People who have made me excellent.
• Towards – parents, teachers, mess people , vegetable vendor,
transporter, farmer, earth, sun etc.,
• Mother – made us from 2 kg. to 80 Kg. or more,. Are we focusing on
what is done or what is not done?
• Justice – between two people only, If third person enters, it is
compromise.
• Ex: when husband and wife gets separated in court by means of
divorce, is it justice or injustice?
• Journey from trust to Love: Everyone is mine, We will not complain.
• Andhra Pradesh, Gujarat, Maharashtra , & Punjab - Murder
cases related to Love are more than Property dispute, Vendetta
etc.,
We reinforce wrong assumptions like:
• Strangers can’t be trusted (?)
• Trust is developed over a long-time (?)
• Never trust anyone (?)
• With the feeling of trust, one is able to see it clearly that the intention
is same for all, to be happy and make other happy.
• The only difference lies in the level of competence.

Key Takeaway:
• Trust on intention is the foundation of relationship.
• Common mistake is to evaluate oneself on the basis of one’s
intention (and conclude that I am good).
• The other on the basis of their lack of competence (thus doubt their
intention and conclude that the other is bad).
 Respect– As the Right Evaluation
• When we are rightly evaluated, we feel respected.
• Disrespect can take place in three ways:
i) Over evaluation – evaluating for more than what it is
ii) Under evaluation – evaluating for less than what it is
iii) Otherwise evaluation – evaluating for other than what it is not
rightly evaluated, we feel disrespected.
• In day to day life, we tend to do one of the above three. The other
person feels uncomfortable and disrespected.
 1) On the basis of body– on the basis of age, gender, race and
physical strength. The Gross misunderstanding that human being =
Body. The truth is that human being = co-existence of the Self and
the Body.
2) On the basis of physical facility – on the basis of wealth and
post. The gross misunderstanding here is that physical facility =
happiness. The truth is that happiness is to be in a state of harmony.

3) On the basis of beliefs – on the basis of different isms, sects,

thoughts, beliefs, preconditioning. The truth is that pre-conditioning
and right understanding are two different things.
• All this differentiation ultimately leads to discrimination, which is
disrespect because it is not naturally acceptable.
• The complete content of respect is to be able to see that ‘the other is
similar to me and we are complementary’.
Understanding Harmony in the Society
• Extension of family is society. Family is a part of society.
• Ex: 1) Father working for money and children wants social service.
2) One wants to plant trees other wants to cut it.
• Without Right understanding nothing can be achieved.
• Not happy in relationship, engage in shopping, eating and
exploitation.
• Ex: Husband and wife have quarreled and after some time husband
says, let’s go out for dinner. Is he engaged in managing issues and
things or solving the problem?
• Journey of child starts by imitation from home. Parents are ideal. If
there is tension and inconsistency in family, leads conflict in child’s
mind.
Vision for the Universal Human Order
• Are parents giving good discipline to children?
• Children sees life of parents, teacher’s. If their preaching's and
practices are inconsistent, then children goes for opposition & revolt.
• Generally we see fear and domination in outside world.
• If we compare ourselves with our grandparents, parents, They are
more matured in body, labor and feelings than us.
• But now we are bodily, labor and feeling wise getting degraded.