I guess if you want to know why I am the way I am today we are going have to go back in time.

We are not going back to my childhood saying oh he had a bad life he grew up in foster care going
from home to home. Well I am here to say my childhood was great so I am not going to blame my
childhood.
No we are going back 6 years to September 16th,2017,The day my whole world was turned upside
down to this day I still think about that day like it was yesterday.
On that day I met the woman that at that time I didn’t know was going to be the one to open my eyes to
what love and life was really about till that day to me life and love was logic.
I am only going to say one thing about my childhood, I was the weird kid that stay inside and read
books. Books could take me to places and different worlds. Being in the real world was scary to me.
So when it coming to meeting this woman I was scared people say I am the unknown to her but in all
reality she is the unknown to me, so it scared me.
When your someone like me that is so set on what he does on a daily bases then when someone new
comes into your life it is a big change not saying that it is a bad thing but it is hard for us to accept that
this person is going to stay. The reason it is hard because most of the time when I get real close to some
one they walk away and I never see them again.
Getting a back on track here on that day my brother Ricky wanted me to go to church with him because
he said I needed to get out and meet people which for me going to church on a saturday is not my idea
of meeting people but some times you can be fouled with where you are going to meet that person that
you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, that person that comes before anyone.
I walk into this church not knowing what I was really doing there I am not a God fearing man and
everyone that knows me knows that but I wanted to make my brother happy so here we are both
walking into this place and all I can feel in my body is the person I have been walking this earth
looking for is in this building but here is the thing I start to look around and all I see is a lot of eldery
woman then out of nowhere I see the back of this woman just sitting in a car,guys when I say mi didnt
know what see looked like and I already knew this was the reason that I was there and the reason for
even living was sitting not even 20 feet away from me.
I just thinking oh my god is it really her the other half of my soul just sitting there. I couldnt believe it
then I got to see this angel this goddesses face and it just lit my soul on fire.
I wanted to just have that few minutes of just haven right there but no my brother being who he was ask
me if I was ok and I told him that I dont know who she is but I am going to marry her one day.
Then I got to hear her voice even if was just a couple of words. I remember it like it being said to me
right now.
All she said was “ you flute good”.
My soul melted, my demon inside laid down and was at peace for the first time in so may years. I know
I had to know more about who she was.
I found out her name was Shannon but not from her but her mom, I think she was going through
somethings and just really didnt feel like talking which was some what ok with me but I just wanted to
hear her voice again and again till the day that I took my last breath.
You are probaly reading this thinking is this the start of a classic love me like Gone With The Wind or
some other love store where they guy doesnt have to fight that hard and they live happily ever after.
Sorry if you think this is where the story is going because everyone knows there is no prefect love story
without a bunch of mountains to climb.
After that day, she would text m every morning and tell me good morning. We would talk through the
day but I always knew she would be the last person I would text or really talk to before I went to be.
This went on for months and months the more that it was going on the more I was falling in love with
her not because of the beauty that she had not only on the outside but the beautiful soul that she had.
Her words alone could just melt me in ways that no one ever has. Have I forgot to say how gorgeous
she is.
Then here comes the faithful day of calling my brother to tell him I was in Greensboro and it was going
to be another 8 hour walk before I would make it to his house but ti me that was fine because I do love
to walk and plus it gave me time to really think about what I was going to say to my brother about me
leaving North Carolina. Ricky being Ricky put on facebook about is there anyone out there that is in
Greensboro or around Greensboro that can bring my brother home for Christmas, now mind you it is
only December 21 st and I was just 8 hour walk away so I was going to be home for Christmas no
matter what.
Shannon was getting ready to lay down and take a nap, she even told me that she would text me when
she got up but the unvirese had different plans for both of us that way. Her she is going to take a nap
and she decide to check what was on facebook and the first post she sees is from my brother.
So she contacted him and told him she had a full tank of gas she would come get me. Ricky called me
and said someone was going to come pick me up could I give them my number. First off I was mad that
he put anything on facebook but I told him sure,come to find out it was shannon that was coming to get
me. Her words was “ where are you at? I have onstar.” I let her know I was at the Greensboro
Grasshoppers Box Office. She wanted to know if I was thirsty which I was so I told her yea. She brings
this big cup of Cheer wine and we end up sharing it. What should have been only about a 30 minute
drive turned into almost 2 hour drive because we was talking.
Now I should say this is the first time that we have been face to face since we met at church. Yes we
would send each other pictures but to be in the same room or car this is only the second time.
I remember I could take my eyes off of her and I was soaking up every word she was saying it didnt
matter what we was talking about I just wanted to hear her.
We get to my brothers house and we talk a little more but then she had to leave. Here I am back to
being a school boy not knowing what to do but I took my shot and believe or not it worked. I asked if I
could give her a kiss and she said yes, now at this point I was just wanting to kiss her on the check
softly to see how my body was going to act just touching her skin but once again things didnt happen
that way she turned her head at what I would say was the wrong time but the right time if you know
what I mean. Our lips touched for just that moment in time but for just that once second the whole
univese stood still.
It was at that moment that I know that this was going to be the worst but best decision I made in my
life, now before you going saying anything me and shannon was two different sides of the tracks. She
grew up being home coming queen where I grew up just trying to make day to day on the streets
because that is all I had.
Starting that night we would stay on the phone and most of the time she would take her meds and just
want to be on the phone with me till she went to sleep and I am not going to lie I enjoyed that because
most of the time she didnt know that just being on the phone with me was keeping me from doing
anything stupid.
So here it comes the new year which once again we stayed on the phone till it was the new year for the
country so we didnt go to bed till after 3 in the morning.
Then comes the day that I will never in my life forget because shannon used a move that was crazy but
slick at the same time. She called me and ask if I wanted to come over and help her put up christmas
stuff which you know when it comes to flirting sometimes it is over my head. I told her yes I would
love to come over. She come and got me that next morning but the funny thing was when we got back
to her place the only thing that was still up was the christmas tree which I knew right then in there all
she really wanted was to spend sometime with me. I even told her if you wanted to hang out all you had
to do was say something you havent figured out in all this months that I am not only madly attarcted to
you but any time I get to spend with you is heaven on earth.
So we ended up putting that away and she made me lunch which was kind of early it was around ten in
the morning. I still remember what she made me 2 grilled cheese sandwich with mayo on them, she
even it them in to four triangle pieces. I have had grilled cheese before but it was just something about
how she made them. I cant explain it but when you find that woman it wont matter what she cooks is
going to be different for you then someone else cooking.
We had lunch and we started watching TV, she rolled over and said hey what about these body massage
when you always want to tease me with if we was ever in the same room. Now in my mind this is the
woman that drives me crazy but also keeps me calm just by her talking to me and she wants me to
massage her back, man when I say I was so scared to touch her because I know what it was going to do
to my mind, body and soul. So I told to to turn over and I will massage her back. I started but everyone
knows that is is hard to give a back massage with the person having a hoodie on. So me being me I told
her if she wanted me to really massage her back good then I will turn my head so she could take off the
hoodie before I could even turn my head she just sits up and takes it off so now I am really in a spot I
am trying to be a gentleman but also she is driving me insane by all of this.
Touching her body wasnt like touching a stranger or someone you just met, it was like our souls had
been together this whole time and it just come so natural to open up to her about everything at that
moment but I kept it to myself. So while all this is going on I am coming up her back and here we go
another piece of clothing that I am going to be asking her to take off which was her bra, I was still
trying to be a gentleman I turned my head so she could take it off and when I turn around she is right in
front of me staring me right in my eyes, I dint know what to do at this time so I did the only thing that
come to my mind and that was give her a kiss. Now this kiss was not like the kiss I gave her before
christmas this was the kiss that sealed it all for me. At that point I knew that I have to have our bodies
connected not only with just touching and cuddling, I wanted to be wrapped up in all of her to make
love to her,it was just that passionite at that moment.
I believe she was feeling the same thing because that one kiss come to us being in mad passionite love,
neither one of us wanted it to end, I am not saying it was anything quick it was just when our bodies
connected in that way it was more the fireworks, it was the feeling of a star being born into the
universe.
We knew it had to come to a end for that moment but we also knew that we was not going to be able to
apart for to long before we had to be together again.
So she took me back to Ricky’s and we had made plans to see each other the next morning when she
took Jessie to school well lets say plans changed we stayed on the phone all night like we always did
but this time it was different because I knew that I was in love with Shannon Marie Koon and I didnt
know how to understand it because love is not something that comes easy from me or to me. I have
always been weird but with her the emotions was a lot different then other relationships I had in the
past.
We had just got off the phone because we both had to get up real early but it was about 30 minutes later
she called me and ask if I wanted to go to Walmart with her because Jessie woke up not feeling good. I
was like get to see her again and it aint even been 24 hours but we went to Walmart went back to her
place and give Jessie the meds. We went and laid down it was so right holding her in my arms so here
we are me holding her with her head on my chest and out of nowhere she goes “ I think I am falling in
love with you”, I told her it was the same for me but she asked me why.
I told her that I was falling in love with her from the first day I met her, and the more that we was
talking then she come to Greensboro to get me then there was the day before that we became one soul.
So yes I fell in love with her even before I got to have her in my arms.
Believe it or not that was the hardest thing for me to admit to even myself was how much I did love
her. Going up with the way I did the streets pretty much was my whole life. Yes, I was married twice
before and thought I loved them maybe I did but it was nothing compared to how I was feeling then
and even feel now when I just start to think about her my body still gets them same emotions even
though she is in the world but not in my world anymore.
You know then things was going great but like always something has to happen to try and mess
everything up.
Shannon’s daughter was going to through a lot of things and ended getting into a fight with me and her
on the same day but different times of the day. At first she went at me because I used a word “Ghetto”
which to her I was racist for saying that word but at that time she didnt know that I really did grow up
in what people call the ghetto, so I ended up going to Ricky’s but me and Shannon couldnt be away
from each other so she come back to get me but at the point and time we knew it was a bad idea but we
had to see each other. I still went back to Ricky’s after we spent some time together. I dont think I was
even back 30 minutes before I got a call from Shannon that she was attacked when I heard that all I
could think was I have to get to her so I started running down the street. Now mind you Shannon lived
a good 10 minute drive from me so we will say it was about 4 miles walking or running but all I knew
was I had to get to her to protect her even if I was putting my own life on the line.
Shannon was coming to me as I was trying to get to her because all we knew was we needed each other
more then ever but what she never knew but she will know now is I needed her more then I think she
needed me. All I wanted to do was get to her and wrap my arms around her, protect her and shield her
from the pain she was going through. Yes, she had physical pains from being attacked but I was more
worried and still am more worried that the emotional scares are still there. I wish there was something
that I can or could do at that time to take all the pain away.
So we was back and forth with the courts, trying to find away to make it where she didnt go to jail
because she was young, had a lot of anger from everything that had happened to her. What noone knew
was I understood the anger that she had because I walked around with that anger for most of my life
and at that time I still did have that anger.
In all of what was going on outside of our relationship, we was trying to stay strong for each other. I
know I was not ok but when you love someone the way I love her, you look at everyone and say I am
Okay. You do that because as a man you have to be the strong one because if break down then who
does everyone have to lean on.