“As I Grew Older”

“As I Grew Older” represents not only the poet’s growth in life, but the obstacles to his growth
as an individual. The purpose of life for a person is defined by his dream. In the quest of his
journey to fulfil his dream, the poet encounters enormous number of challenges and barriers.

The poet introduces the poem with the existence of his dreams, ‘It was a long time ago’, and ‘I
have almost forgotten my dream’. The poet refers to the fact he has almost forgotten his dream
a long time back. He saw the dream of doing something better in his life in his childhood days or
in his youth. However, the circumstances took the opposite direction, leaving him with only a
reflection of his dream. “But it was there then, In front of me, Bright like a sun” suggests that
the dream at the moment was right “in front of him” and is likened to the sun. The Sun stands
for sunshine, brightness, the warmth of life and rays of hope. The light of the Sun also seemed
to show him the way. Subsequently, the poet brings in the metaphor of the Wall that grew
when he was supposed to grow in its place. The wall refers to the wall of Apartheid, the invisible
but sophisticated barrier. The wall is emblematic of boundaries, and barriers, and
marginalization and segregation. The poet asserts “and then the wall rose, rose slowly,
reiterating the word ‘slowly’ to stress the devious method of segregation. It eventually
separates the poet from his dream permanently. When it should have been the dream touching
the horizon, the poet portrays the Wall as “touched the sky.’ The poem carries an optimistic
theme that no matter what stands in the way of our dream we can always find our dream and
fight for it.

Throughout the poem, the poem refers to barriers between blacks and whites in society. In the
first stanza of this poem, the poet writes that his dream was “in front of me, bright like a sun—
My dream” signifying his dream of a non-racist society in America and the freedom for anyone
to do what they choose and be treated equally. At the same time, the poet’s dream can also be
interpreted as his future as it first appeared to be “bright like the sun”, describing how he
wishes to have a good life and raise a family without the conflicts that he has experienced in his
own childhood. Also, he says “My dream” to show possession of the idea he holds and to show
his dream was different from a white man at the time. Facing discrimination throughout his life,
he continues to describe racism when he writes “And then a wall rose, rose slowly, slowly,
between me and my dream.” The wall refers to the wall of white men and how they dominate
life in the United States. This wall “slowly” blocked his dream. The poet describes the blockage
to show the many small efforts people use to keep America segregated. In the third stanza, the
poet’s writes that the wall “rose until it touched the sky--. The wall. Shadow. I am black. I lie
down in the shadow.” There are many things in this stanza that illustrates the poet’s place in
society at that time and the extent of racism.

The audience should notice that Hughes’s first writes that the wall rose up to touch the sky in a
single line but he then breaks up the words in the following lines to act as if the action was
taking place with the words. First Hughes’s describes what is moving up and he writes on a
single line, “The Wall.”

Then Hughes’s continues to describe what happens when the wall is in place and that’s
“Shadow.” In the third single line Hughes’s confirms (if not already known), “I am black.” This
simple description is then followed by a single line with, “I lie down in the shadow.” “The Wall”
that Hughes’s describes is a symbol of the white people who were racist against blacks. This wall
cast a “shadow” over Hughes and this shadow represents the restrictions and laws that were
made in discrimination against black people.

Once the shadow is created, Hughes’s writes: “I am black,” which is literally the current state of
his shadowed atmosphere but more so the fact that Hughes’s is African American. Then he tells
the reader thathe’s lying down in the shadow. This shadow is describing the lower conditions
that African American’s had to live with in the midst of segregated America. Hughes’s ends this
stanza by saying “No longer the light of my dream before me, above me.” Since his dream is no
longer above him, the dream is beneath him. This can be interpreted as saying that the dream of
freedom and equality is unrealistic or it’s saying that the dream has been temporarily disabled
because of the wall created by white people. In order to break free of his restrictions, Hughes
describes his “dark hands” that will be able to “break through the wall,” and “find his dream.
The dark hands Hughes describes is his culture and his own people.
His dark hands can be seen as the color of the skin but also the fact that the blacks were
enslaved by many whites in the early history of America. These dark hands can be interpreted to
be hands that have bleed and worked and covered with dirt to show that hard work and
constant repression of black society has made them strong.
In the last stanza, Hughes says that these hands can: “help me shatter this darkness, to smash
this night, to break this shadow into a thousand lights of the sun, into a thousand whirling
dreams of sun!”
Hughes believes that with perseverance that African Americans can break through the wall
created by white people and find their dreams.
‘As I Grew Older’ is about the dream that never saw the light. There is no mention about what
the dream was but all know that it was the dream for a better world for his African brethren. He
is writing as if he was an old man, for he says that he had a dream ‘long time ago’. Now he had
almost forgotten the dream. But then it was clear in his mind, it shone like the sun in front of
him. But as days passed a wall slowly rose between him and the dream. The wall grew so high
that it seemed to be touching the sky. Now the light from his dream was completely blocked
and he was standing in the shadow of the wall. The wall was high above him; not only was the
wall high, it was thick too. The shadow too was thick and overpowering. Towards the end of the
poem the poet drops off his submissive acceptance and becomes determined to do something.
There is a shift in the energy. He wishes that with his dark hands he could break the wall, smash
and shatter the darkness and reach out to the light. The poet imagines that once the wall is
broken his dreams would be liberated and would soon see the light, would soon be a reality.
‘As I Grew Older’ is a free verse with twenty nine lines. There is only one stanza and there is no
specific rhyme scheme in this poem. To make it lyrical there are repetitions of words like sun,
rose, wall, shadow, slowly and dream. This is a poem that starts on a low note and ends with a
‘smash and a shatter’ of the notions and thoughts held thus far. The poet had a dream where he
saw all men as equal, without discrimination against color, race or sex. But that dream was
shelved, for nothing was going his way and a huge wall of reality shut out his dreams. But he
was not willing to take it anymore and wanted to shatter all stereotypes and take his men to
land of sun. This is the tone of the poem. The imagery is that of light and darkness where light
stands for optimism and goodness, while darkness symbolizes pessimism and hatred. The
‘wall’which is thick, strong, huge and dark is used as ametaphor to denote all the racial
discrimination seen in the society. ‘As I Grew Older’ epitomises the nature of Hughes where he
wanted all the poets to fight for the cause of racial discrimination; that was his dream and he
wanted that dream to become a reality.