Handout 18

THE SOLVING CIRCLE: The New Structured Reality Therapy Counselling

The following are the questions that Dr Glasser uses and has provided in his book Choice
Theory when discussing structured marriage counselling.

These questions can be adapted to any situation when there is a relationship problem. The
relationship is moved from where it is … with external control psychology into what Dr
Glasser calls the “Solving Circle”. Once the relationship is safely inside this protective circle
he teaches that it is immune to the cancer of external control.

To be effective the counselling must be tailored specifically to the needs of the relationship
rather than to the individual needs of each partner.

The specific questions are:

1. Are you here because you really want help? Or are you here because you want to be
able to say you tried to get help.

In answer to question 1 if the people concerned are able to say they really want help then
the counselling has a chance.

2. Very briefly what do you believe is wrong with the relationship?

The purpose of question 2 is to be able to point out later in the counselling that blaming is
external control and that this is destructive to the relationship.

3. Whose behaviour can you control?

The purpose of question 3 is to lay the essential groundwork for the requests in questions 5
and 6

4. Tell me one good thing about the relationship as it exists now.

Request 4 … tell one good thing about the relationship… is difficult and takes the
participants by surprise. As they talk about the good things some of the anger and blaming
drains out of the session.

5. Think of and tell me something that you are willing to do this coming week that you
believe will help the relationship. Whatever it is, it must be something you can do yourself. It
must not depend in any way, on what the other person should or should not do.

Request 5 is an extension of question 4 but it gives the partners something new to think
about and build on so is very important.
 Handout 18

6. During this coming week are you willing to try to think of an additional thing besides
what you thought of here? And then do it following the same I-can- control-only-what I-do
conditions as in the previous question?

Both questions 5 and 6 give the participants much to talk about when they come in for the
next session.

If towards the end of the session the participants are much more amicable and their interest
in what has been taking place replaced the anger that they came in with this is the time to
explain the solving circle and to point out that they are now in it.

It is also important to point out to them that whenever they talk about the relationship they
should make sure they are in the circle or else what they talk about has a chance of
becoming external control and destructive.

From: Choice Theory … A New Psychology of Personal Freedom 1998, William Glasser
M.D.