Peer Review Feedback Form

ENW492c Essay

Reviewer: Ton Diem Quynh Author: Dinh Diem Linh

Content and Organization

1. Does the first paragraph include a thesis statement? Yes

Do you have a clear picture of where the paper is going from the thesis?

Comments: The thesis statement is clear in expressing that online shopping will cause
some stores to close but not all. This sets a clear direction for the essay, indicating a
discussion on the coexistence of online and physical stores.

2. Does the first paragraph also include a preview of the points the paper will use to support the
thesis statement?

Comments: The first paragraph does not provide a preview of the main points that will
be used to support the thesis. Adding a brief overview of the key arguments would
improve the clarity and structure of the essay.

3. Do the topic sentences clearly link back to the thesis statement and preview of main points in
the first paragraph? What suggestions do you have for the structure—the order of the main
points as shown by the topic sentences?

Comments: The topic sentences somewhat link back to the thesis but could be stronger in
connecting directly to the idea that not all stores will close. For better structure, consider
rearranging the points to discuss first the advantages of online shopping and then the reasons
why physical stores will continue to exist.

4. Review each paragraph. Does each paragraph include specific, concrete examples from the
readings, lectures, and videos, and do those examples both support the topic sentence and
advance the thesis statement?

Comments and suggestions: The paragraphs provide general examples of the

advantages of online shopping and the benefits of physical stores. However, adding more
specific and concrete examples, such as statistics, studies, or real-life cases, would
strengthen the arguments and better support the thesis.

5. Read the concluding paragraph. Does it summarise the main points and link back to the thesis
statement?

Comments and suggestions: The conclusion summarizes the main idea that both online
and physical stores need to coexist. However, it could be more effective by briefly
restating the key points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the arguments
made throughout the essay.
Questions about Style and Writing Conventions (grammar, punctuation, etc.)

6. Is the writing style appropriate for you—the audience? The paper should be interesting to
read, provide necessary background, and be written at an appropriate level for a college
student to read.

Comments and suggestions: The writing style is generally appropriate but could be
made more engaging by varying sentence structure and using more dynamic language.
Providing more background information on the current trends in online and physical
shopping would also help.

7. Do you see any problems with grammar, punctuation, spelling, or any other writing
conventions? The paper should be written in standard formal English. Point out these issues
and discuss suggestions with the writer.

Comments and suggestions: There are a few issues with grammar and punctuation:

- Ensure proper comma usage, especially in compound and complex sentences.

- Some sentences are slightly awkward and could be rephrased for clarity and flow.

Example: "Finally, with today's developed technology, integrating AI into shopping

applications helps customers easily access the items they like." could be rephrased to
"With today's advanced technology, AI integration in shopping applications makes it
easier for customers to find items they like."

- Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tenses.