Cotter 1

Charlotte Cotter

Mr. Pace

F- Block

2/13/24

Argument Essay Revision: Reflection

How do I know I can improve without taking time to reflect on my first draft and taking

time off from staring at it? This is the essential question I’m looking to answer on my revision of

the Argument Essay revision.

Analysis: The first area that I thought could need some more improvement was my analysis. In

all of my body paragraphs I had good strong analyses but I thought I could strengthen them up

by getting a little more descriptive. For example, in my first body paragraph after I put in my

quote I said, “As humans, we get the choice for almost any test we take or not'', I thought this

was bad wording on my choice and not really that clear so I replaced it with, “As humans, if a

test is offered to us we have the choice to accept to take it or not”. This just makes it sound

clearer and it has better wording from the original. In my second body paragraph, my

counterclaim after putting pieces of evidence from my dad I said, “Even though this company

uses animals to test on they make sure the test sent frivolous or unnecessary”, instead of taking

this out I put something before it to sound smoother and to explain the quote better instead of

jumping right into my conclusion, I put before that piece of information, “This company uses

both animal testing and the alternative testing devices to get the results they're looking for. But

they mainly use animals to test on because it's close to the human body and it's clearer to see the

results on living things” just to make the transitions smoother and better than the original.
 Cotter 2

Introducing Quotes:

Other parts in my essay I had to revise were introducing the authors or introducing the quotes. I

usually struggle with introducing the quotes, for example I said, “Heather Dunnuck from the

Save the Animals Article says”, and I replaced it with, “Heather Dunnuck, a writer from the Save

The Animals Article says”. This wasn’t a huge change or switch. I just thought I could give just a

little more information about who she is before placing the quote in.

Vocabulary:

When writing my essay I mainly wanted to focus on not sounding repetitive and using words like

overall, furthermore, although, and finally to conclude my paragraph or ideas. And words like

cruel, brutal, suffering, and painful to describe some effects to animal testing. I would often find

myself repeating words over and over again so when I went back through I made sure to make

some switches and changes so it wouldn’t sound repetitive.