Australian Penthouse Black Label September 2016 38585

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SEPTEMBER 2016 $14.95 NZ $15.90
NOT AVAILABLE TO PERSONS UNDER 18 YEARS

CATEGORY 1
R
RESTRICTED
TEAM PLAYERS
SWINGERS, BICURIOUS AND JUST PLAIN ADVENTUROUS!
WE CELEBRATE PLAYING FOR THE OTHER SIDE, OR BOTH
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MEET
THE
TEAM

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10
CONTENTS
14
9: EVENT PLANNER
10: OUT & ABOUT
Miss Nude SA at The Crazy Horse-best seat in the house
12: ASK AMIE

Sex toys, advice and going down with our resident pervert, Amie
14: TOP 10 - FOR THE GIRLS

44 Cliterotica, hands-free sex toys and lesbian liasons
19: MEET THE TEAM

Lulu, Anne, Hope and Ophelia get physical (with each other)
28: WHAT WE’VE LEARNT

Heaven is a head job
44: THE REPORT

A US company is on the brink of bringing back the dead
50: HOW TO...

Book an escort for a hot threeway
53: COVERGIRLS
Switching teams and playing for the other side
64: DRINKS
Gin joints, date night cocktails and the skill of sending her a drink
50 75: DIAMOND GIRLS
Skin Diamond and Layla Sin
83: AUTOMOTIVE
Next generation of SUV
91: WET AND WILD WANT M

Cool pool, hot company... dive in
SUBSCRORE?
100: FORUM TO BLAC IBE
75 K
SEE PAG LABEL
Women go wild in this month’s
girl on girl themed Forum
E 16
83 107: BLACK LABEL
ESCORT REVIEW
114: WEIRD HISTORY
Beer is proof God loves us
PENTHOUSE 5
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WELCOME TO YOUR NEW PENTHOUSE
PENTHOUSE.COM.AU

lOMoARcPSD|29516856
MANAGING EDITOR
Amie W
thinkdirtydesign@gmail.com
ART DIRECTOR
Rex Manning
CIRCULATION AND PRODUCTION

Bruna Rodwell
bruna@phpublications.com
HELLO!
ADVERTISING
Sales and Marketing: Anessa Caputo
OMEHOW I’ve been thrust into the Editor’s seat
S
anessa@phpublications.com
Phone: 1300 784 516 this month to commandeer the Black Label ship
for our glorious girl on girl issue. It’s a hard life for
CONTRIBUTORS
Kellie Blair, By the Bi, Vivienne Black some...
You can expect a bi fest of epic sapphic proportions in
PUBLISHER
Flithy Gorgeous Pty Ltd
this issue. We kick off by getting to know four stunning
Suite 6, 50 Stanley Street, up-and-coming Aussie pornstars... before they strip off and
Darlinghurst NSW 2010, Australia get to know each other a little more intimately.
Tel: 1300 784 516
info@phpublications.com
From shower sex to strapons, I answer the questions
you’ve thrown at me since last issue in my Ask Amie column.
DISTRIBUTORS The issue also features some solid life advice such as how
Gordon & Gotch
Tel: 1300 650 666 to organise a threesome with an escort and how to deliver
oral sex like a champion. Plus, check out what happened
SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES when I took the OhMiBod app-driven blueMotion NEX 1
Magshop
Call within Australia: 136 116
for a whirl (basically I learn that people at Woolies will stare
Mon-Fri: 9am to 5pm EST at you if the sound of an engine can be heard roaring from
your knickers). Oops.
Printed in Australia by
Lane Print Group
As always, check out our event guide for sexy parties
laneprint.com.au happening around town, our sizzling tongue-in-groove
themed Forum stories, Black Label escorts, free porn and
PENTHOUSE INTERNATIONAL LTD
Copyright General Media Communications, sex toys and more.
Inc., all rights reserved. No part of this
publication may be reproduced in any form, or
by an means – electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise – or
stored in any retrieval system without the
written permission of the copyright holder and
the publishers. Unsolicited manuscripts are
welcome and must be submitted via email; no
typewritten traditional mail submissions will be AMIE,
accepted. Names and addresses must be
included with all correspondence. Penthouse THINK DIRTY DESIGN
does not accept responsibility for lost editorial @_THINKDIRTY_
or photo submissions. All unsolicited
submissions remain the property of Penthouse.
WIN A
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To go in the draw to win a Womanizer
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PENTHOUSE 7
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EVENT
PLANNER
MISS NUDE SYDNEY KILLING KITTENS
11 AUG @ MENS GALLERY “SPRING FLING”
25 AUG @ DANCERS 10 SEP, MELBOURNE
CABARET (FINAL) killingkittens.com
Sydney’s sexiest showgirls Killing Kittens creates
are about to bare it all in Miss a high class hedonistic
Nude Sydney 2016. The playground where women
best competition in town! and couples can explore their
Contact 9231 4088 or sexuality and desires in an
functions@mensgal.com.au adventurous yet safe way.
for tickets.
SEXPO
OUR SECRET SPOT 24-27 NOV, MELBOURNE
20 AUG, SYDNEY sexpo.com.au
oursecretspot.com.au Sexpo is back! Second to
Our Secret Spot is a Sydney none entertainment with
Swingers Club that serves international performers,
as your path to fantasy, stage acts, comedy,
exploration, seduction and hypnotists, fetish demos
satisfaction. Grab your and audience participation
mask and check out their competitions, including
Masquerade Party for a the world famous Amateur
night of sexy mystery. Later Strip and the acclaimed
in August is the club’s Girls Sexy Cosplay competition.
Night In burlesque-themed Multiple bars, educational
party. No boys allowed until demonstrations, sex carnival
9pm. Join the many couples rides, pornstars and more.
set to descend upon the We can’t think of a better
club to meet, greet and who way to spend a day out.
knows what else...
KELLIE BLAIR
ILLICIT TONIC Kellie Blair is the perfect
29 SEPT, SYDNEY choice for your threesome
illicittonicshow.com fantasy or perhaps an erotic
This magic-cum-stripshow voyeuristic experience.
show will dazzle and delight Kellie is easily Melbourne’s
you with it’s groundbreaking top couples and swingers
illusion, risque burlesque specialist, boasting dozens
and sensual circus acts and of outstanding reviews. Kellie
singing. Illicit Tonic tells the is a charming, vivacious and
classic yet enduring tale of gorgeous brunette, and she’s
boy meets girl, highlighting also a perfectionist.
the inherent complications With her knock out curves,
and confronting struggles dreamy bedroom eyes and
of all-consuming love and a killer smile, you can be sure
wandering eye. she will continue to spoil and
pamper you in five star luxury.
SKIRT CLUB “QUEEN It’s what keeps her loyal
OF HEARTS” PARTY lovers coming back for more
3 SEPT, SYDNEY every time.
skirtclub.co.uk
Skirt Club is an underground
community for girls who MISS SEPTEMBER
play with girls. Our club
holds private parties around FROM THE OFFICIAL
the world where bi-curious
women can play and explore
BLACK LABEL
discretely. CALENDAR
PENTHOUSE 9
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HEAT ONE - HAYLEE ADAMS
MISS NUDE SA 2016

South Australia’s most talented, sexiest showgirls battled it out for the title of Miss Nude South
Australia 2016 at Crazy Horse Revue, Adelaide. Next up is the best of the best competing for
the title Miss Nude Australia 2017, at Crazy Horse Revue, Adelaide. For more information,
check out www.missnudeaustralia.com.au. Photography by Angelo Beltran Photography
HEAT ONE - RICKI- LEE RITCH
HEAT ONE - PHOEBE ELLE JAMES
10 PENTHOUSE

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HEAT ONE - ASTI MARI KERR
HEAT ONE - SCARLETTE MOON
HEAT ONE - PHOEBE ELLE JAMES
HEAT ONE WINNERS - SCARLETTE MOON, PHOEBE ELLE JAMES, AND HAYLEE ADAMS
HEAT ONE - NIKKI JAY HEAT ONE - PHOEBE ELLE JAMES
PENTHOUSE 11
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A DV I C E
THINK DIRTY
ASK AMIE
OT a sexual and relationship
G dilemma that needs solving?

No topics are off limits. Ask
Amie from Think Dirty at amie@
phpublications.com
Q: To celebrate our wedding

anniversary, my wife has suggested
we have a threesome with another
woman but she’s asked me to
organise it. What are my options for
making this happen? - James.
A: Hey James. Congrats on the
anniversary! You’ve got a few options.
You could always go down the route of
visiting a swingers club for the evening.
Swingers clubs are a great way to mix and
mingle with other like-minded couples but
of course, nothing is a done deal in that
situation because really it all comes down
to chemistry and the luck of finding four
people who want to fuck each other. If I
were you, I’d leave it to the professionals
and consider hiring the company of a
bisexual escort to bring your fantasies
to life. Get dressed up and head to a
brothel or club, this way, you can meet
a plethora of ladies who can bring you
and your wife’s fantasy to life until you innovative shower sex aids you can buy as one from Tantus or Dvice), or even
find someone you both gel with. Plus, including grips, kneepads and steps to better, check out the ‘sharevibe’ from
going to a club or spending the night in aid in your soapy shag. Fun Factory – a harness-free strapon
a hotel means you can have your fantasy that works by essentially being plugged
away from your home. Have fun! Send us Q: I’m an escort who offers bi doubles into your body allowing for more skin on
a Forum story of your encounter... and I want to start incorporating skin action.
toys into my bookings. What are Secondly, you’re going to want a
Q: Recently I tried to have a shag some of the best toys for girl on girl vibrator. Now, there are a lott of butt
in the shower but it was nothing action? - Kay. ugly vibrators out there that again, are
but awkward and involved a lot of A: Well, firstly you’re going to need a all about the gimmicks. It doesn’t have
unflattering slipping and fumbling. great strapon – one that’s comfortable, to be this way when there are many
I spent half the time worried I was sexy and will fit you like a second skin. stunning, ergonomic vibrators out there
going to fall over and break my nose. You don’t want to spend your booking that are built for pleasure. You can’t go
Any tips? - Steve. constantly adjusting yourself – you want wrong with a Lelo vibrator – specifically
A: Getting steamy in the shower is one to be able to focus on the fun stuff. There the Gigi 2 or the Mona Wave. For a little
of those things that is definitely hotter in are some really shit gimmicky strapons external stimulation, get your hands on
theory. I’d suggest keeping it old fashioned out there. Invest in a quality harness The Womanizer clitoral stimulator which
and sticking to a bed, or if you’re dead from Wild Hide or Rodeoh and a silicone gets a nod in our Top 10. Trust me, you
set on shower sex, there are a number of flared base dildo to use with it (such won’t regret it!
12 PENTHOUSE

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REV I EW
OHMIBOD
BLUEMOTION NEX 1
THIS bluetooth remote-

controlled vibrator can be
used everywhere - from the
bedroom to the bar. Just slip
the blue contoured, sleek
device inside your knickers
and let your partner control
the speed and level of the
vibes by use of the toys D. I .Y.
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vibrations directly to your
SHE CUMS FIRST : A HOW-TO GUIDE
clit and is definitely meant to
tease and excite, rather than
EATING out. Speaking in tongues. Paying a mad stampede for her clitoris and pay
produce earth-shattering
lip service. Whatever you want to call it, attention to everywhere but there until
orgasms.
having a hot and eager mouth between she is a writhing wet mess. Be gentle and
The toy comes with a
your thighs feels UNREAL when done keep it simple – avoid acrobatic tongue
complimentary pair of
correctly. This month we are going to talk tricks (this isn’t Cirque du Soleil). Tease
panties with a handy pocket
about nature’s number one sex toy – the her until she is practically begging you
in the crotch so that the
tongue, and how you can use yours to and then slowly press your lips to hers...
device can slot into the
level up your skills in going down.
perfect position, allowing it to
Here are a few of my tips that will Apply Pressure
sit tightly against her body.
steer you down the path of becoming a After you have thoroughly teased her,
Worthy of note is the fact
cunnilingus champion. apply a decent amount of pressure with
that once you start to hit the
your tongue. Lick firmly and savour her.
higher vibrations, the sound
Every Body Is Different You want to continue to go slow though
this toy makes is anything but
The first thing you need to realise is that and avoid being a bull in a vagina shop.
discrete. So if you’re trying to
every body is different and each woman Gently suck but don’t treat her pussy like
deliver some silent secretive
is different sexually. What made your ex a Hoover. Keep your teeth to yourself and
sexy times to your girlfriend
girlfriend when you were both 17 flood don’t just lap at her clitoris repeatedly –
at a dinner party, avoid
the back-seat of your first car might there are nerve endings all around it that
getting too carried away or
make your current lady friend yawn. It’s you’d be a fool to neglect.
she’ll sound like there’s an
all about paying attention to the subtle
engine being revved in her
moans, twitches, gasps, giggles and Get Your Hands Wet
knickers.
other sexy cues and clues she might give Take the experience to another level for
while you’re doing the deed. Also, don’t her by sliding in a finger or two while
be afraid to ask what she likes. you lick her clitoris. Before you put your
fingers anywhere near her, make sure
Be Enthusiastic you’ve cut your nails. Be slippery and
Nothing is sexier than enthusiasm. A agile and always with lubricated fingers.
reluctant tongue does not a wet pussy Don’t fingerbang her cervix into oblivion
make. Let her feel how badly you want (unless she’s into that). Again... ask first.
her by pulling her body up to your face.
Admire her. Inhale her. Run your hands Be Consistent
down her body. Kiss the insides of her When it comes to orgasmic oral sex,
thighs. Divide her with your tongue. Let consistency is key. As things heat up
her know you’re desperate for her but... and she’s giving off those tell tale signs
of impending orgasm (the moans, the
Be A Tease fingers in your hair pulling you closer, the
Don’t rush! Tease her with your lips desperation to climax...), don’t change
by lightly running them over her skin. what you’re doing in terms of paci
pacing and
Anticipation is your friend. Avoid making resist the urge to speed up.
PENTHOUSE 13
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TOP 1
FOR HER
3 4
1 OUR SECRET 2 BY THE BI 3 FEM PLAY 4 LIGHT 5 THE

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HELLO MISS
PHOTOGRAPHY
www.hellomiss.com.au

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MEET THE TEAM

ANNE MELBOURNE, HOPE MORGAN, LULU REYNOLDS
AND OPHELIA ROSE GET PHYSICAL
PENTHOUSE 19
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20 PENTHOUSE

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PENTHOUSE 21
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TEAM
Blacksox
NAME:
LULU REYNOLDS
WEB:
lulureynolds.com
TWITTER:
lulureynoldsx
SNAPCHAT :
lulureynoldsx
INSTAGRAM :
lulureynoldsx
22 PENTHOUSE

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TEAM
Whitesox
NAME:
HOPE MORGAN
WEB:
hope-morgan.com
TWITTER:
@miss_hopemorgan
EMAIL:
hopemorgan.gfe@
gmail.com
SMS: 0431 066 757
PENTHOUSE 23
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TEAM
Whitesox
NAME:
ANNE MELBOURNE
WEB:
annemelbourne.com.au
TWITTER:
@ANNEMELBOURNE69
EMAIL:
annemelbourne.
bookings@gmail.com
SMS: 0423 907 540
24 PENTHOUSE

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TEAM
Blacksox
NAME:
OPHELIA ROSE
WEB:
msopheliarose.wix.
com/home
TWITTER:
@Ms_Ophelia_Rose
SNAPCHAT :
Msopheliarose
INSTAGRAM :
Ms_ophelia_d_rose
SMS: 0478 919 396
PENTHOUSE 25
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26 PENTHOUSE

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WH AT W E ’ V E LE A R NT
DOCTOR
READY TO
PERFORM FIRST
HUMAN HEAD
TRANSPLANT
O, his name isn’t Victor Frankenstein. Yes, it’s real. There are doubters, of course, but Canavero is obstinate in his
N Doctor Canavero plans to remove the head of a patient

who has volunteered for the surgery and attach it to a
freshly decapitated donor body.
The procedure, named HEAVEN (“head anastomosis venture”)
and Gemini (the subsequent spinal cord fusion), will see Italian
belief it will work.
He told New Scientist, “It’s important that people stop thinking
this is impossible. This is absolutely possible and we’re working
towards it.”
The hospital suite where it will take place is equipped with virtual
neurosurgeon Sergio Canavero perform the world’s first head reality engineers, doctors, nurses, technicians and psychologists.
transplant. Meanwhile, two surgical teams will work simultaneously — one on
Desperate to cure his condition, known as Werdnig-Hoffman Spirdonov and the other on the donor’s body.
disease, which has left him wheelchair-bound, with his body Doctors are then required to chop through both patients’ spinal
wasting away, Valery Spiridonov, a 31-year-old Russian cords (shiver) — with a $200,000 diamond nanoblade, so small
programme manager has volunteered to be the first to that the blades are measured in angstroms. They then have an
undergo the surgery, which, unsurprisingly, has garnered some hour to reattach Spiridonov’s head (now nearly frozen), to the
scepticism. donor’s body, where blood flow will continue and surgeons will
‘I am now 30 years old, although people rarely live to more than sew the arteries and veins to Spiridonov’s new body.
20 with this disease,’ he said last year. ‘I can hardly control my Michael Sarr, editor of the journal, Surgery, who is a surgeon at
body now. I need help every day, every minute.’ the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, said: ‘If the so-called
The 36 hour, $20 million procedure will involve at least 150 head transplant works, this is going to open up a whole new
people, and sounds like it’s straight out of a futuristic sci-fi flick. science of spinal cord trauma reconstruction’.
SELFIE GONE WRONG FELLS

126-YEAR-OLD STATUE
ONE man’s attempt to take a selfie with a 126-year-old statue
has gone terribly wrong after it crashed to the ground and
shattered, police said.
Police did not identify the man who accidentally toppled the statue
of Dom Sebastio after climbing to the base of it to take a selfie.
The man tried to flee the scene but was apprehended by police.
He will appear before the police at a later date.
Sebastio was the penultimate Portuguese monarch of the House
of Aviv who, crowned at the age of 3, ruled between 1557 - 1578,
and died at the age of 24 in battle, during a crusade of his making.
28
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SCHOOLBOY
ELECTROCUTED
AFTER BUS DRIVER
ASKS HIM TO
MOVE LIVE WIRE
A LIVE wire electrocuted a middle school student after he left
the bus to check it, at the request of his bus driver, police
said in a criminal complaint.
The driver, Patricia Ryan, 60, of Jeannette, Pennsylvania
is charged with “endangering the welfare of a child and
recklessly endangering another person”.
A goose had hit the wires earlier in the day, causing them to
fall onto the road. After approaching the fallen wires, the bus
driver said “You know what, can one of you get out and move
that wire…” West Penn Power had been called earlier in the
day to remove the wires; however the driver thought it would
be a better idea to get a middle school student to do it.
Thankfully, he lived to tell the tale. “It shocked me. It got me
like right there, on the thumb,” 11-year-old Tyler Cunningham
told the news.
The interior bus video shows the vehicle at an intersection,
with five students on board. “The driver, identified as Patricia
Ryan, can be heard speaking on the bus radio, advising that
power transformers had blown and wires were down on the
roadway. Bus Radio Dispatch can be heard advising the
bus driver take Walnut Street to avoid the down power lines.
The bus can then be seen proceeding past Walnut Street
and become entangled in the power lines,” according to the
criminal complaint.”
HOW (NOT) TO GET

AWAY WITH ROBBERY
TRYING to get away from a robbery? Don’t leave the
scene of the crime and jump a fence into the White House.
One man has been detained and the White House briefly
locked down, after the man, fleeing a robbery, jumped a
fence and found himself inside the White House facility.
After a brief pursuit, the White House’s secret service
team detained the man who suffered minor injuries during
his escape. A Secret Service spokesman determined that
the man was not trying to break into the White House.
The White House is one of the most secure locations
on earth and a team of canine and armed Secret Service
agents responded and located the man as the White
House was put on lockdown and the area cleared.
People working in the White House were kept inside by
automatically locking doors. The president was on the
premises at the time.
PENTHOUSE 29
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WOMAN FILES
FOR DIVORCE
BECAUSE HER
HUSBAND’S
PENIS IS TOO BIG
A NIGERIAN woman filed for
divorce after finding out that her
new husband’s manhood was just
too big to handle.
Aisha Dannupawa, a mother
of three, was recently married to
husband Ali Maizinara, however,
she asked to have the marriage
dissolved due to his large
member.
As per tradition, Dannupawa
moved into her new husband’s
family home ahead of the
wedding; however the
honeymoon period didn’t last
long. After an attempt at their first
WE’RE GOING TO MARS lovemaking session, Dannupawa

said her husband’s penis was
so big that the experience was
ONCE upon a time, sentences that the edge of space, where they were traumatic.
mentioned both ‘Mars’ and ‘travel’ travelling nearly six times the speed of Ever a trooper, she took
existed solely in the realm of sci-fi sound, touching down to a stationary medication from her mother, some
novels and space flicks. Now, however, platform floating off the coast of form of relaxant, to help with the
it looks set to become reality, after Florida, several hundred miles out to pain — but it didn’t. She was told
SpaceX announced plans to travel to sea. to relax, go with it, and over time,
the Red Planet, The Verge reports. The SpaceX technology testing it would… fit.
We’ve known for a long time that will allow the spacecraft to touch “I told my mother the experience
SpaceX plans to colonise Mars (if we down softly on Mars using thrusters, but she told me to endure and that
don’t blow ourselves up first). What we a propulsive landing, rather than with time, I will be able to cope.
didn’t expect is for the announcement parachutes. She then gave me some drugs,’”she
to come so soon. Thanks to a tweet, we “Dragon 2 is designed to be able to said to Nigerian media.
now know SpaceX’s plans. “Planning land anywhere in the solar system,” But alas, the sex was too much
to send Dragon to Mars as soon as Elon Musk tweeted after the SpaceX to bear, and the couple concluded
2018,” they tweeted. “Red Dragons announcement. “Red Dragon Mars that no drug could save their
will inform overall Mars architecture, mission is the first test flight. sex life or marriage. In court, her
details to come.” Musk made his mission clear in an husband unsurprisingly did not
The Red Dragons that they’re talking interview last year when he stated, deny that his member was too
about are an upgraded version of the “Humans need to be a multiplanet big, and agreed to dissolve the
Dragon rocket that is already currently species.” Whilst details of the marriage if his dowry and money
in operation. SpaceX has been testing actual mission profile are yet to be spent during courtship were paid
them and has successfully landed released, SpaceX and Musk are very back.
multiple rockets on boats, in the ocean, serious about creating a spacefaring “When he came, we had sex but
in the dark. civilisation and 2018 could be the year the experience was a nightmare.
These rockets were brought from it all begins. Instead of enjoying the sex, it
turned out to be something else,
because his penis was too big,”
225 MILLION KILOMETRES she told the court, according to
ON THE OPPOSITE END OF THE SCALE, MARS AND EARTH CAN BE 401 MILLION KM APART Nigeria’s Tribune.
(249 MILLION MILES) WHEN THEY ARE IN OPPOSITION AND BOTH ARE AT APHELION. More proof that married life isn’t
THE AVERAGE DISTANCE BETWEEN THE TWO IS 225 MILLION KM. MARS AND EARTH REACH THIS
CLOSEST POINT TO ONE ANOTHER APPROXIMATELY EVERY TWO YEARS.
the easy life.
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MEN WHO CAN TELL

A GOOD STORY
ARE SEEN AS MORE
ATTRACTIVE AND OF
HIGHER STATUS
A RECENT study has revealed that men who can spin a good
yarn, are perceived by their female counterparts as being
more attractive and of higher status.
The article, published in the journal, Personal Relationships,
suggests that people portrayed as strong storytellers are
regarded as higher status than those with poor storytelling
ability.
The experiment was tested on 388 people, 55 percent
of them being women. It asked participants to rate the
attractiveness of a potential partner based on a short
biography, an image and information on their storytelling
abilities.
Both male and female participants considered storytellers
to have higher status than non-storytellers.
The study suggests that the results can be related to
evolutionary theory, where females, seeking a strong mate,
have evolved to seek partners with resources and storytelling
capabilities, reflecting advantages that prehistorically meant
the difference between life and death.
Whilst these days the ability to tell a good story might
not have such profound consequences, it might be worth
brushing up on your storytelling skills.
SHOPKEEPER KILLED DOZENS WITH ‘REVENGE’ SWEETS

REVENGE is a dish best served sweet, or so one
Pakistani man would have you believe after the shop
owner confessed to poisoning 30 people by lacing his
goods with pesticide, in an attempt to take revenge on
his older brother.
Killing strangers to get revenge on your older brother.
Wait, what?
The man wanted revenge on his brother for “insulting
and abusing” him in a business dispute. “I wanted to
teach him a lesson” he was quoted as saying by the
police investigator. He was so angry after the argument
that he decided to mix pesticide into the sweets that
were being baked at the time.
A local man bought the poisoned batch of sweets,
then gave them to his family and friends who were
celebrating the birth of his grandson.
The baby’s father, six of his uncles and one aunt
were among the 30 killed. The dead also included five
children. Four victims are still in hospital.
We’re not exactly sure what lesson he wanted to
teach his brother, other than how not to bake sweets.
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WOMAN WANTS ‘420’

TATTOO REMOVED
FROM HER HEAD
A WOMAN is seeking donations to help with the removal of a tattoo on
her forehead that reads, 420, a common pop-culture marijuana reference,
Local 10 reports.
Tabitha West created a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for the
removal of the tattoo. A message on the GoFundMe page reads:
“I am wanting to get that tattoo off my for head (sic) I want to have a
better start out in life and have a second chance at life please help me I
was young n dumb when I got that I’m older one looking for a job can’t
get out and people call me a druggie every day of my life and being called
420 is not nice and I almost killed myself over it. … can’t stand to look at
my face anymore. .save a life save me, invest in me and I will show you I
can be better with my life. ..thank you.”
She set her goal at $800 but raised over $1000 in donations–
apparently people have a soft spot for idiots with head tattoos. Honestly,
we’re more offended at her lack of grammar than anything else. If you’re
going to ask for money, at least use spellcheck.
Unsurprisingly, not everyone is convinced that she deserves the cash
donation:
“Its people like you that keep my (sick) girl from getting help,” Shawn
Morse wrote on the page. “My daughter has three brain tumours, cerebral
palsy, neurofibromatosis, an optic glioma, & a feeding tube. My daughters
GoFundMe keeps getting passed over for things like this. There are too
many people begging for money for their bad decisions in their life.”
Jair Morales was more direct in his response.
“People who donated… you are all (expletive) idiots,” he wrote.
ECONOMIST REMOVED FROM PLANE, SUSPECTED AS TERRORIST

A PLANE was delayed for 1.5 hours, and Apparently she was not OK. The plane go back to the gate. The passenger exits.
one man detained after he was caught doing remained grounded, and a short time later We wait more. The pilot comes to me and
maths while waiting for take-off. The man – the lady was escorted off, only to be replaced asks me out of the plane. There I am met
equipped with dark curly hair, olive skin, an by the pilot, who asked the economist to get by some FBI looking man-in-black. They ask
exotic foreign accent and a pad and pen off the plane. He was then met with an agent, me about my neighbour. I tell them I noticed
had all the markings of a terrorist, or so the detained, and interrogated. nothing strange. They tell me she thought I
passenger sitting next to him thought. It turns out that his seatmate was not sick was a terrorist because I was writing strange
The flight from Philadelphia to nearby at all. The notes she had handed the flight things on a pad of paper. I laugh. I bring them
Syracuse was meant to uneventful. The Ivy attendant had accused the man next to her, back to the plane. I showed them my math.
League economist was content to spend the one doing maths, of suspicious, terrorist- It’s a bit funny. It’s a bit worrisome. The
the pre-flight scribbling down algebraic like behaviour. Those damn equations sure lady just looked at me, looked at my writing
equations on his notepad. are dangerous. From the man himself: of mysterious formulae, and concluded I was
But something just didn’t feel right for “Flight from Philly to Syracuse goes out on up to no good. Because of that, an entire
a fellow passenger, who flagged a flight the tarmac, ready to take off. The passenger flight was delayed by 1.5 hours.”
attendant, handing them a note. sitting next to me calls the stewardess, But seriously, at what point does strange
A short while later the flight attendant passes her a note. The stewardess comes writing become suspicious? A case of utter
came back and asked if she was okay to fly, back asks her if she is comfortable taking stupidity, or, perhaps we’re witnessing a
or “too sick”. off, or she is too sick. We wait more. We new form of Al-Gebra.
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INMATES BUSTED
SNEAKING BACK
INTO PRISON
IN WHAT’S being described as
an ‘excursion’ by authorities, four
inmates were caught sneaking back
into jail just hours after escaping.
The men were seen climbing
a fence near the “pre-release”
accommodation units just after
the 7pm evening roll call, The New
Daily reports. The inmates were
immediately apprehended after
QANTAS PILOT GROPES returning sometime around 1am.

The authorities had been alerted
to their absence, and it was made
FEMALE CREW MEMBER public via a social media post.

However, the public was assured
that the prisoners were not regarded
QANTAS have fired a pilot for sexually Being good mates, they decided to
as a threat.
harassing his female colleague while take old Gregory home because
In a statement, a spokesman for the
drunk and high on cannabis on a short he’d clearly had one too many… but
NT Correctional Services said it was
stay over. Gregory being the rowdy party animal,
suspected “the prisoners believed
The incident took place during a didn’t let that dampen his spirits. On
they could leave and return to the
stopover in the Chilean capital, the way back to the hotel, while in the
facility unobserved and that their
Santiago in South America. taxi, it is alleged that he massaged
excursion outside the prison would
The crew landed in Santiago for a two- the left breast of his female work
t t
night stopover when things got out of colleague, even as she tried to stop
hand. The four crew members were at him. Not cool, man.
an Irish pub when Gregory separated Gregory was stood down the next day
himself and disappeared for around and required to submit to a drug test.
half an hour. He was found to have cannabis in his
Upon returning, he was significantly system. And while Gregory maintains
more intoxicated than when he had left, that his action was the result of his
with the crew alleging he had become drink being spiked, we can think of
“rowdy, uninhibited and unintelligible”, a few reasons why he might’ve been
he even attempted to grab a young acting a little over-zealous. Gregory
woman’s bottom. was terminated with five weeks’ pay.
AUSTRALIAN MAN FIGHTS OFF

ROBBERS WITH FLAME-THROWER
AN AUSTRALIAN shop owner attempted to fight off two armed robbers with
an improvised flame-thrower. The Alexandra Hills man successfully startled the
intruders, in a brazen display of courage and quick thinking.
According to Nine News, after entering the store with their weapons drawn,
the shop owner grabbed a can of bug spray and a lighter, creating a makeshift
flamethrower, and sprayed it in the direction of the would-be robbers.
It worked, at least momentarily, as both men were visibly shocked, with one
man stumbling back and dropping his weapon. Unfortunately for the shop
owner, the two robbers quickly recovered, drew their guns and demanded
money from the shopkeeper.
They made off with $680. This isn’t the first time Rigney, the shop owner, has
stood up against thieves. Having previously chased down an armed robber,
which helped police to make an arrest.
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GAME ON
OFFSIDE TACTICS AND TEAM BONDING:
THIS TIME THE GIRLS ARE PLAYING TO WIN
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TEAM
Blacksox
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TEAM
Whitesox
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THE REPORT
A U.S.COMPANY IS ON THE BRINK OF BRINGING

BACK THE DEAD. BUT IS IT SUCH A GOOD IDEA?
BY SEAN BRUCE
L
OOK! It’s moving. It’s alive. It’s alive... It’s alive, it’s the zombie apocalypse (we hope), but rather the first step in
moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S the “eventual reversal of death” according to Bioquark CEO,
ALIVE! Ira Pastor.
Dr Frankenstein’s famous line from the 1931 After severe damage to the brain stem, the central nervous
classic, Frankenstein, is so often quoted and system in humans no longer functions and has no way of
parodied that it has become a bit of a cliché. repairing itself. The heart, the lungs and all the whirring and
While the line doesn’t appear in the original Mary buzzing that your body usually does on its own, no longer
Shelley text, the message is the same. Bad things happen occurs. This person is dead, albeit with living organs, ideal
when humans play God. Victor Frankenstein suffered for his for transplantation. Pastor points out that while we lack the
curiosity; his experiments were a transgression on the natural ability to recover CNS function, there are “a range of non-
order and he lost everyone he loved human organisms [that] can repair,
for his crime. regenerate and remodel substantial
A modern take on reanimating the portions of their brain and brain stem
dead belongs to B-grade zombie even after critical, life-threatening
flicks. We all know the story — a well- IN ADDITION TO THE trauma”.
intentioned scientist invents a cure Using stem cells taken from the
for a debilitating / life-threatening “REVERSING DEATH” patient and a range of neurological
disease. Humans who receive THEME THAT HAS stimulation techniques, Pastor and
the treatment become mindless his team will attempt to mimic what
zombies who go on to infect the rest
EVERYONE EXCITED, THIS is already possible in nature.
of the populace. It’s always a joyful TYPE OF REGENERATION But don’t get too excited just yet.
romp for the surviving humans who WORK HAS OTHER LEVELS The project is still in its early stages,
usually devour each other before currently seeking 20 “volunteers”
the zombies even get a chance. Still,
OF SIGNIFICANCE to participate in the study. Early
the message is the same — science developments are expected to be
is dangerous — we should be careful small, but significant.
mucking around with that which we “We hope to see results within the
don’t understand. first 2-3 months – a positive initial result being a functional,
Fans of the genre might just get the chance to see this regenerative event upwards at the intersection of the upper
scenario play out in real life. spinal cord (the highest part still “alive” in a living cadaver
U.S. based Bioquark, a biotech company that specialises subject) and the lowest region of the brain stem.”
in regenerative therapies, has won approval to conduct Of course, many folks are asking the “what comes next?”
experiments on ‘living cadavers’ in an attempt to bring them question about complete reanimation. While a full recovery
out of an irreversible coma. Living cadaver is a doctor’s way in such patients is indeed a long term vision of ours and a
of describing a patient whose brain function has ceased, possibility that we foresee with continued work along this
but the rest of the body remains viable. The central nervous path, it is not the core focus or primary end point of this first
system of these patients no longer works and the bodies are study – but it is, of course, a bridge to that eventuality”, Pastor
kept ‘alive’ on life support. told Penthouse.
Despite eerie similarities, this isn’t the first step towards This research is not without its critics — the prospect of
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bringing back the dead has some Christian authors and

commentators worried. Tom Horn, a Christian author and
documentarian has been researching and writing about
transhumanism (the belief that technology will allow humans
to transcend their natural limitations) for 20 years.
Ira Pastor asks “what if the body had a reset button?”
But what if when we hit that button, we lose all the previously
stored information?
If the brain is damaged and the patient is clinically dead
— what happens to their soul, if there is such a thing? If
we regenerate the damaged brain, will the recovered person
be the same as before? What happens to all the thoughts,
memories, experiences and feelings that were stored in the
brain before it was damaged? Will they come back? Or will
the person on the operating table return as a “changed”
individual?
“These are the questions philosophers and theologians
have debated since the dawn of time, but in the Bible only
mankind is described as having God’s breath breathed into
them at the moment of their creation,” Horn said to WND. “For
conservative Christians, this should be a major point of debate
regarding the “ethics” of bringing people back from the dead.”
DESPITE EERIE SIMILARITIES,

THIS ISN’T THE FIRST STEP
TOWARDS THE ZOMBIE
APOCALYPSE (WE HOPE), BUT
RATHER THE FIRST STEP IN THE
“EVENTUAL REVERSAL OF DEATH”
Religious beliefs aside, there is a big unknown in

regenerating brain activity. There is no certainty that
the revived patient will be the same, that their brain
will work the way it did before the injury.
One view is that we are a brain in a box — 100 billion
neurones and trillions of connections buzzing inside
our skulls. Neuroscientists call this the “connectome
centric” view and it holds that if we were to remove
your brain and somehow keep it alive, your mind
— your personality, experiences, opinions, etc. —
would all be preserved.
The ReAnima project is banking on this not being
the case.
“Based on several factors, Bioquark is placing
our bets that the human mind is much more than the
“connectome” and that memory will be a recoverable
commodity over time.” Pastor says.
He backs this statement by pointing again to nature,
where animals with regenerated neurones can
remember things previously learnt.
In addition to the “reversing death”
theme that has everyone excited,
this type of regeneration
work has other levels of
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significance. Chronic degenerative central nervous system lasting life sound great but imagine a world where Saddam
conditions like Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, ALS and Multiple Hussein or Hitler were able to live forever. It’s a Pandora’s
Sclerosis as well as acute conditions like severe head trauma Box scenario that we must think through carefully — because
and spinal cord injury are all currently incurable conditions once opened, there’s no going back.
that could benefit from regenerative therapies, according to Brun, remains optimistic that collaboration and an open
Pastor . source approach will keep those pesky billionaires in check
“In 2016, we have no cures for any of these horrific and provide access to life-enhancing tech for all echelons of
conditions despite the hundreds of billions of dollars we the pecking order.
spend on traditional drug development every year.” “There’s always going to be people profiteering and using
Instead of modelling the program off of the traditional “single [technology] for less than altruistic means” he says.
magic bullet” drug mindset that permeates the pharmaceutical We need to be responsible citizens and instead of censoring
industry, we are instead taking a multi-faceted approach this information or monopolising technology or an idea, I
combining biologic regenerative tools with other existing think that a proven solution is open communication, open
medical devices — all of which allows us to mimic what goes source and open data. As long as the information is out there,
on in nature.” someone will go and build it.”
For some, there are other reasons to be excited about this Renowned bioethicist and Professor of Law and Medicine
research. at McGill University, Margaret
Reversing death could be the first Somerville, does not share the
step to eradicating it all together. same hopeful view of life-extending
From alchemists looking for the technology. In correspondence with
elixir of life to recent developments SURE, IMMORTALITY OR Penthouse, Somerville criticised
in molecular biology that seek to LONG LASTING LIFE SOUND Transhumanists as being “blind to
halt the ageing process, the holy the risks and harms involved”. She
grail of immortality has always been
GREAT BUT IMAGINE A argues that a techno-utopian vision
a pursuit of humans, desperate to WORLD WHERE SADDAM for the world is a danger to humanity.
prevent the inevitability of death. HUSSEIN OR HITLER WAS “…not just at the physical level
And depending on who you are, this but also the metaphysical level–
is either very exciting or incredibly
ABLE TO LIVE FOREVER harm to our values, our sense of
worrying. Imagine a technological personal identity. We are all equal
utopia, where disease no longer kills, which likewise is not possible if we
ageing is halted and death undone. are designed – the designee is not
Such is the world as envisioned by Transhumanists, who are equal to the designer” She says.
unashamedly optimistic about the potential for science and The potential risk of increasing inequality and the inability
technology to improve our lives. of society to cope with ‘superhumans’ outweigh any possible
The obvious risks are there — think again to Doctor benefits that Transhumanists propose, Somerville argues.
Frankenstein — tamper with the laws of nature and “The dangers…range from injustice — the wealthy
play God; you may end up paying a costly have access the poor do not — to prolonging
price. debility, to having institutions not designed
Leandro Brun, a member of Australia’s for that reality – healthcare systems,
Transhumanism Party of Australia, retirement funds, young people unable
doesn’t hold such reservations. to find work and so on — to having
“I don’t see it as playing God; I see four generations willing and able to
it as a little four-year-old kid that’s be in charge instead of one.”
discovering how plants grow or how With research on reversing death
butterflies or animals move for the already underway, we may have
very first time – it’s an intellectual no choice but to face a reality
discovery.” where augmented humans
Critics of transhumanism are not so are commonplace. Indeed,
optimistic. There are considerations already military scientists
to take into account before diving into from the Defense Advanced
the deep end. Who will control this Research Agency or DARPA, have
technology? Who decides which deaths declared genetically engineered
to reverse? If the wealthy elite are the supersoldiers to be the next arms
only ones with access to life-extending race. Cambridge gerontologist
technology — or if they’re able to Aubrey de Grey controversially
make themselves stronger or more claimed that the first immortal humans
intelligent — could this lead have already been born.
to even greater inequality At this point, with research already commencing
between the “haves” and on reversing death, the idea of superhumans, able to
the “have-nots”? Sure, live for extended periods — or even forever — is slowly
immortality or long becoming a reality, whether we like it or not.
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HOW TO
TWICE THE FUNWHY YOU SHOULD BOOK AN ESCORT AS A COUPLE

BY VIVIENNE BLACK
A
threesome doesn’t have to be same time.
daunting but it can always be Most escorts will place importance on
exciting. It can be the wild adventure making sure your partner is comfortable before
you have always hoped for with a jumping into bed with the both of you. A quick
little bit of forward planning. sit down and nice glass of vino to get to know
Sure, you can most likely pick up one another is on the cards to calm nerves and
anyone you want to join you and set the mood for a night of debauchery. In due
partner for a hot and steamy romp sesh, but time you have a pussy on your face and mouth
at what cost? One of the best things about wrapped around your cock until your drained.
inviting an escort into playtime with you and
your lover is the beauty of amenity and respect. BEST OF MEMORIES
When booking a professional you and your One of my most memorable experiences this
partner have more control over the experience. It year was being a surprise present for a birthday
gives your woman the opportunity to be excited, boy. His beautiful partner and I arranged a
wet with anticipation about having a more active wicked evening that was sure to leave him weak
role in organising your first threesome playtime. in the knees. A few drinks, quick change into
As soon as the jitterbugs subside there is only his favorite lacey red lingerie. Birthday boy was
pleasure remaining for everyone to enjoy. about to have an experience of a lifetime. We
tied him to a chair in the bedroom, he could only
COMMUNICATION IS KEY watch and we gave him a show he would never
Effective communication is key to achieving the forget. Taking in turns to devour each other,
orgy banging result you dream about at work. occasionally glancing towards him to see is
Both you and your partner should sit down and wide eyes watching our every move...The best
express your wants, needs and anxieties about part was he was so restrained he couldn’t touch
inviting another person into the relationship. himself to alleviate the tension. We then turned
Make sure you are both listening to each other. our attention on him.
Take on board what each of you have to say and
come up with a game plan as a couple for an
experience you will both enjoy.
“IN DUE TIME YOU HAVE
BOOKING AN ESCORT A PUSSY ON YOUR FACE
If your partner is nervous or anxious about
the experience, let her pick the woman she AND MOUTH WRAPPED
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questions. Shop around until you find the pussy
AROUND YOUR COCK
and personality that fits what you both desire. UNTIL YOUR DRAINED”
Once you have found your escort, set a time
and a date and brace yourself for the ride of
your life! For what seemed like hours we tickled and
teased him to the point of no return blowjobs
WHAT TO EXPECT with ice cubes, lesbian toy shows, hot oil body
It’s the evening of your rendezvous, you’re slides, drinking champagne off our naked
turned on, and you can feel your pants stirring bodies. What a blast!
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and steady wins this race! Don’t jump into full After watching her man fuck my ass I then
porno pounding mode just yet. This experience taught his lovely lady how to do anal. I left hours
is not about seeing how fast you can get your later with a “fucking Satisfied Smile”
mile . I bet they
banana sucked by two gorgeous women at the slept well that night I know I did.
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GEORGIA KNOX & VIVIENNE BLACK
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THE
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Q & A
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Melbourne shooting for Aussie Ass and I never woman’s enjoyment. I love being able to see
OPHELIA ROSE:
looked back! genuine, intense pleasure!
brightdesire.com
So, what was your first shoot like? Do you have any idols in the industry?
girlsoutwest.com
AM: I was very excited but super nervous! I felt OR: Am I allowed to say Lucie Bee? Besides
abbywinters.com
frozen and I couldn’t get my words out. Lucky Lucie, I’d have to give it to Angela White as my
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for me, the theme of the porno was porn virgins primary idol. I had the pleasure of meeting her
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so it worked out perfectly. at SEXPO last year and she had some great
ishotmyself.com
OR: I was really nervous as my first shoot was advice for me. I would love to work with her one
ifeelmyself.com
a solo scene with Girls Out West and at the day! She’s an absolute goddess!
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time I had barely even masturbated by myself, LR: Recently I’ve come to idolise the lovely Riley
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let alone in front of a camera crew! It didn’t Reid! She seems to be incredibly intelligent
take long for me to learn that it was something LULU REYNOLDS: and passionate at everything she does.
I thrived off and that I couldn’t get enough of it! brightdesire.com If you could create your ideal porn scene,
HM: It was a home video shot POV style. I aussiepov.com what would it look like and who would
uploaded it online and was amazed at how girlsoutwest.com you work with?
many fans I got from it. aussiefellatioqueens.com OR: My ideal porn scene would involve one
LR: My first scene was a point of view shoot for yanks.com male performer and a huge crowd of people
AussiePOV. I got flown down to Melbourne for aussieass.com watching me have sex with him on stage. I think
the weekend to film four scenes. Surprisingly, I I’d be in heaven!
was hardly nervous and had a great time! LR: My ideal scene would be a hot, sweaty
What’s been your favourite scene that you’ve shot? orgy with all my favourites including Riley Reid, James Deen,
OR: I don’t think I have a favourite scene yet but my favourite Abella Anderson and Bailey Jay.
place to film was definitely Europe as I was able to shoot with Are there any big fantasies that you have but haven’t had
so many beautiful European bombshells. the opportunity to live out yet?
LR: My MMF threesome with Aussie Ass was one of my most AM: Sex on a plane!
enjoyable! It was one of the first few scenes I shot. OR: Sex on stage in front of a huge crowd of people who would
What do you enjoy the most about shooting porn? also be getting off from it. I’m drooling just thinking about it!
AM: I love getting to play and pleasure as well as being LR: I’ve always loved the idea of a sensual gang bang, with all
pleasured. And knowing that it will be on film for people to be the attention focused on me. The idea id of hands running all over
turned on as well is so hot! my body gets me so excited.
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DRINK
OF ALL THE
GIN JOINTS
GIN is in. No longer just the tipple of choice for nannas, the spirit is enjoying a
welcome renaissance. Small distilleries are popping up all over the country and top
bars are rearranging shelves to make room for the spirit. June 11 is World Gin Day and
here are some of the best gin bars to mark the occasion.
PORTOBELLO
ROAD
An old-style london dry
gin, containing traditional
BROKERS
botanicals and spices, that
A quadruple-distilled pure
harks back to the gins of
grain spirit made from English
yesteryear.
wheat is redistilled with ten
$80
traditional botanicals, creating
a gin of outstanding flavour
and smoothness.
$50
GORDONS
Triple-distilled, the gin
contains juniper berries,
coriander seeds and
angelica root to name a
few. Enjoy in a classic gin
and tonic. BOMBAY SAPPHIRE
$37 Considered one of the
worlds true icon gins, it is
the perfect way to begin
the legendary cocktails, the
martini and the G&T.
$49
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I. THE BARBER SHOP SYDNEY IV. THE HOWLING OWL ADELAIDE

This popular haunt is a small bar, barbershop This cafe and bar pulls double duty. During
and gin palace all rolled into one. The bar’s daylight hours it’s all about sandwiches and
shelves heave with around 70 gins, including coffee and quiet, but when night falls a new
everything from well-known brands through to crowd takes over, thirsty for gin. Lots of gin.
I
rare numbers. The Dutch spirit genever, an early 40-plus bottles of rare gins from Australia and
predecessor to gin, features in a number of overseas. Garnished with local spices, fruits
refreshing cocktails. and herbs and served with simple mixers or in
elaborate cocktails.
II. GIN PALACE MELBOURNE
A Melbourne stalwart, this basement shrine to V. FRISK SMALL BAR PERTH
II
gin features plush couches, low lights and plenty All roads lead to Northbridge for Perth gin
of velvet. Gin lovers will never want to leave. enthusiasts. That’s where Frisk Small Bar is,
Especially not after perusing the selection of with its motto ‘We like gin’ proudly announced
over 60 gins. Martinis are the most popular drink on its menus. With a book-length menu of gins
at the Gin Palace and come anyway you want. available, Frisk is the perfect Perth spot for a
III
martini, a gin and soda, or a classic G&T.
III. DUTCH COURAGE OFFICERS’ MESS
BRISBANE
Colonial times come alive in the Valley at this
British-inspired cocktail bar. Over 80 gins are
available, many of them directly imported by the
bar’s owners. A menu of share plates, featuring IV
drinking snacks like char-grilled lamb souvlaki,
Vietnamese rice paper rolls and ‘death wish
prawns’, will help steady your ship after all that gin.
HENDRICKS
A quality gin with
Hendrick’s an
unexpected infusion of
cucumber & rose petals
that results in a most
iconic gin.
$70
TANQUERAY 10
Made from the highest
quality spirit and finest
botanicals, Tanqueray 10
delivers distinctly citrus
flavours of grapefruit,
oranges and limes.
$74
SIPSMITH
The quintessential
expression of a classic,
traditional london dry
gin. Bold, complex and
aromatic. Smooth enough
for a martini, but rich and
balanced, great for a G&T.
$80
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FOOD TRENDS
BE A
GENTLEMAN,
SEND A
DRINK
OU send her a drink. But you have to get
Y this right. You get one chance. You’re a

gentleman, so do this like gentlemen. Go for
classy and not sleazy and it’ll work out just
fine. Here’s what to do.
• Assess the situation

Take a moment to observe what’s going on. Is she
sitting there staring at some other guy? Is she
locked deep in conversation with her friends? If so,
you might want to try a different approach. But if the
conditions look right, and you think sending a drink
might work, then it’s time to move to the next step.
• The bartender is the key

Your bartender is the go-between, he’s your
wingman in this operation, so treat him well. If he
thinks you’re acting like an arsehole, he’s hardly THREE COCKTAILS TO SEND
likely to go out of his way to help you, because it will HER AND GET NOTICED
be him conveying the message and his attitude will

French 75
be important. A hefty tip won’t hurt either.
A mix of gin, Champagne,
lemon juice and sugar, this WIN TER WARMERS
• Decide on the drink cocktail is fresh and fun with
The worst possible thing to do is send over a drink a little kick courtesy of the gin.
she doesn’t want. Ask the bartender what she is
drinking, then order something similar. Alternatively, Cosmopolitan
you could just pay for her next drink, but it lacks a Thank Sex in the City. Vodka,
triple sec, cranberry juice
bit of the theatre that presenting a drink achieves.
and lime juice make up this
female-friendly cocktail.
• The reaction
It’s make or break. The bartender has presented Espresso Martini > WILD TURKEY
the drink and indicated that you are responsible. All Coffee and booze makes a Distilled in Lawrenceburg,
eyes are now on you, so play it cool. A simple nod, a winning combination in this
Kentucky, this is a classic
vodka based cocktail that is
smile, maybe even a slight raising of your glass. No sure to impress. bourbon with caramel and vanilla
at
waving, no maniacal grins. All you’ve proved is that notes. Perfect on the rocks, with
you are capable of ordering a drink and that you’ve a mixer, or in a cocktail such as
got twenty dollars on you. Mint Julep or a Whiskey Sour.
• The next step > SKYY VODKA

After receiving the drink, if she turns to her friends Made from American grains and
and giggles, looks unimpressed, or refuses the water, this vodka is triple-filtered
drink, it’s best to just brush it off. But if her reaction and offers citrus scents and a
is favourable, if she accepts the drink and you get a pure, crisp taste. An ideal base
smile or a nod back, it’s time to get up off your stoo ol for a vodka Martini or a classic
and go over and introduce yourself. vodka tonic.
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GOING OUT
IT’S DATE TIME

When date night looms, you need to get it
right. You need a bar that’s not too busy
but doesn’t have tumbleweeds blowing
through it. A bar where you can have a
conversation without shouting. A bar with
the right lighting, a nice atmosphere and an
interesting drinks list. Here are the best
date night bars.
PALMER AND CO, SYDNEY

Merivale’s hidden speakeasy is a surefire
date-night spot winner. With exposed
walls, subdued lighting and remnants of the
building’s past life, the theming is over the
top, but sure to act as a conversation starter.
Experienced bartenders mix a range of
classic and contemporary drinks, including
all-but-forgotten prohibition-era cocktails.
CLEVER LITTLE TAILOR, ADELAIDE

One of Adelaide’s first small bars, Clever
Little Tailor is intimate and casual, making
it an ideal setting for relaxed conversation.
Inside, the room is classy, with exposed
stone walls, leather booths and bar stools.
The bar fills with an interesting clientele
most nights, who arrive keen for local wine
and cocktails.
THE END, BRISBANE

This tiny West End watering hole, housed in
a former video store, contains comfy seating
options, low lighting and just the right noise
levels to keep the discussion flowing. The
drinks list is sure to please your date, with a
great selection of fresh and fruity cocktails
on offer.
BLACK PEARL, MELBOURNE

Following renovations last year, Black
Pearl is back, and it’s better than ever.
The downstairs bar now features plush
> APPLETON ESTATE SIGNATURE banquettes, dark wood and flickering
BLEND RUM candlelight. The cocktail list is still huge and
Be transported to the Caribbean with still offers some of the finest drinks in the
this blended rum. Made from up to city. Upstairs, Attic offers table service and
15 different aged rums, this spirit has finely crafted cocktails.
deep sugary flavours and aromas of
spices, fruits and brown sugar. EAU DE VIE, SYDNEY
One of Sydney’s best cocktail bars, Eau
> GLEN GRANT MAJOR’S RESERVE De Vie continues to draw crowds with its
This easy-going single malt is amazing drinks and sophisticated ambience.
popular the world over. And with The vibe is upmarket without being
good reason – it’s the perfect pretentious, the room is dominated by dark
introduction to Scotch whisky. Fruity tones and the lights are dimmed. Bartenders
on the palate, it finishes with nuts mix original and interesting cocktails that
and a touch of spice. you won’t find anywhere else.

lOMoARcPSD|29516856
NOT GETTING ENOUGH VITAMIN D? > Sunshine: 15 – 20 minutes > Eat food rich in Vitamin D:
+ FO OD FAC TS
Vitamin D is important for bones, muscles and a day of sunshine will boost your While you won’t get enough vitamin
overall health. Recent research suggests it may vitamin D levels. Even on a cloudy D daily from food alone, oily fish
have other benefits too, such as protecting day. Get outside, go for a walk, or such as salmon, tuna and mackerel
against colds and fighting depression. Here are go sit in the sun for your morning is a great source. A 3-ounce fillet of
some tips to help you get enough vitamin D. coffee. salmon can supply about 80% of
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FOOD TRENDS HEALTHWATCH
BACON BAD
RESTAURANTS A new study published by

the World Cancer Research
ON OUR RADAR Fund reaffirms the link

between processed meats
and cancer. Analysing 89
• Mercado, Sydney previous studies, the report
After wowing diners at Nomad in Surry Hills, Chef Nathan concluded that eating 50
Sasi has taken things up a notch by opening his Spanish- grams of processed meat a
inspired eatery in Sydney’s Martin Place. Featuring day – around two bacon rasher
housemade breads, charcuterie and cheeses, as well as increases the risk of stomach cancer. aving a iet ig
smoked meats courtesy of the custom-made rotisserie, in salted or pickled food also contributes to cancer risk.
Mercado brings the flavours of the markets of Barcelona
to the streets of Sydney. OBESITY WINNING
For the first time in history, there are more obese
• Buvette, Canberra people on the planet than their underweight
Set in the capital’s Hotel Realm, Buvette is a slick new counterpart. A study published in The Lancet says that
restaurant and wine bar presenting modern takes on 13 percent of the world’s population is considered
classic Parisian bistro fare. Chef Fabien Wagnon’s obese and nine per cent are classified as underweight.
menu includes beef bourguignon, twice-baked cheese The number of obese people in the world has increased
souffle, and a bouillabaisse with snapper, king prawns from 105 million in 1975 to 641 million in 2014.
and squid. For dessert, there’s bitter chocolate fondant.
A 150-bottle wine list is comprised of mainly French and SLEEP ON IT
Australian wines. You’ve got a big decision to make. But
you can’t decide. How often have you
• Aloft, Hobart been told to ‘sleep on it?’ Researchers
Featuring one of Hobart’s sexiest dining rooms, Aloft has at the University of Bristol have now
picture-perfect views out over the Derwent. The classy found scientific merit in this ages-old
room features a vaulted ceiling and touches of Scando advice. During sleep, your brain sorts through
minimalism. In the kitchen, it’s about Asian influences — experiences from the previous day. The most
think black pepper pork belly with celery relish; or crispy important things are filed away and the worthless stuff
quail, lime and pepper berry — matched with locally trashed, making tough decisions easier for your brain.
sourced produce, seafood and meat.
CAREFUL ON TOP
• Sake Flinders Lane, Melbourne Brazilian researchers have revealed the most dangerous
The fifth Sake restaurant (joining sister venues in Sydney, sex position. Specifically, the most dangerous position
Brisbane and Melbourne) may be the best yet. Chef Jean for your penis — is the woman on top — or ‘cowgirl’
Paul Lourdes is in the kitchen, and as well as presiding position. The study showed that this one position was
over a comprehensive offering of yakitori, noodles and responsible for more than half of all penile fractures.
sushi, is also making his miso and tofu in-house. When The second most dangerous position was doggy-style,
you get thirsty, you can drink your way through a long list which was responsible for almost 30% of injuries.
of sake and Japanese whisky. The good news? Penile fracture remains a very rare
condition. Phew.
• Harpoon Harry, Sydney
Chef Morgan McGlone (the man behind Melbourne’s ADDICTED TO THE WHITE STUFF
Belle’s Hot Chicken) has taken the helm at this Surry Cigarettes are addictive and smokers often need help to
Hills pub. After glamming up the menu of the public bar, quit. What if the same was true of people who can’t stop
he’s now turned to the more formal dining space on the eating sugary foods? Researchers from Queensland’s
first floor. Up there, it’s all about the American south, University of Technology have concluded that sugar
inspired by McGlone’s time cooking in Nashville. addiction should be treated much like other addictions.
The study showed that drugs that assist people to stop
smoking could potentially be used to wean
people off sugar.
your daily requirement. Eggs, > Speak to your doctor:
liver, mackerel and herring are Vitamin D supplements may
also great sources. be helpful for some people,
> Exercise daily: Regular but you should speak with
exercise assists with your doctor first and take
production of vitamin D. them strictly as directed.
PENTHOUSE 69
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,
y 1878
: Apo thecar ela ide SA
ADELAI
DE
Street, Ad
ndley BRISBA
118 Hi NE: Th
e Gres
308 Qu ham
een St
, Bris
bane Q
LD
WI N TE R D I N I N G
WHEN it’s cold outside, it’s best to labels to brews you won’t find elsewhere. nod to old-school cool. With its wooden
hunker down and sip something warming. Upstairs, the deck features a roaring fire floorboards, high ceilings and plush
Here’s where to go. for chilly Melbourne nights. After all that couches, this is the perfect place to settle
ale, there’s a menu full of hearty pub grub into a cocktail. And those cocktails are
> Apothecary 1878, Adelaide to dig into. damn good, what with the bar’s extensive
Step inside Apothecary 1878 and you array of rare ryes and bourbons. Take in
could easily believe you’ve stumbled into > Andaluz, Perth the impressive bottle collection from a
a Parisian wine bar. Featuring mahogany A favourite haunt of Perth’s city workers, stool at the bar.
pharmacy cases, marble floors and velvet Andaluz is a sleek basement bar and
lounges, this is a top winter hideout. restaurant with plenty of nooks and > J&M, Sydney
The wine list is long and ever-changing, crannies to hole up in. Known for its This city whisky bar is an ideal escape
with plenty of rare offerings from small impressive wine cellar, the bar offers a from the cold streets. Located on
vineyards. The food is all about dishes with hefty selection of whisky. The tapas menu the second floor of the Angel Hotel,
big flavours and local produce. is no afterthought — it’s a well put together and designed as a tribute to Merivale
list of Spanish classics and interesting patriarch John Hemmes, J&M’s elegant
> The Local Taphouse, Melbourne takes on small plate eating. period décor creates a comfortable
St Kilda’s shrine to beer goes off in winter. and inviting space — one you’ll be
The bar and its many beer taps dominate > The Gresham Bar, Brisbane hard-pressed to leave. Knowledgeable
the centre of the first floor. They tap Set in a heritage-listed sandstone bartenders present rare and unique
everything here, from well-known craft building, The Gresham Bar is Brisbane’s whiskies in attractive cocktails.
RED MEAT IS SPEEDING body’s “biological age” and people caused by red meat
+ FO OD FAC TS
UP BIOLOGICAL AGEING contribute to other health consumption, combined

A study from the University problems. Not great news with a poor overall diet,
of Glasgow has found for fans of the Paleo diet. speeds up the “miles on
that eating too much red The increased levels of the clock” — in contrast
meat could accelerate the serum phosphate found in to one’s actual age.
70 PENTHOUSE

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W N OS YOURS F H PAG S OF B ACK AB ?
Here’s your chance! Enter the Aussie Babes 2016 Model search, exclusive
to the magazine and be in the running to win the cover shoot February
2017 Issue. All cover girls get voted on by our readers.
SUBMISSION IS EASY:
• All images must be 300dpi jpegs (no smart phones, blurs or shadow)
• One photo must show no nudity for the Facebook competition.
• Models must provide 5 images for us to choose from
• Models must be over 18 and be able to provide photographic ID
• Send photos, bio and contact details to Blacklabel@phpublications.com
The competition will run for 4 issues with submissions starting 17/3/2015 and closing on the 7/7/2016.
Voting will be available from the 13/10/2016 November Issue via a tear off voting panel.Voting will be
cut of on the 13/10. Winner will be announced in the December Issue and be the cover of the February
issue 2017. The competition will feature a monthly winner and two runner ups. The Models selected each
month will be notified before print.
print The winners shoot wil be shot by a photographer chosen by Black
a e Te
Teaa an e ot n ne
OTING
N FFORMS
O S OUT NOVEMBER
O R ISSUE
S
PENTHOUSE 71
lOMoARcPSD|29516856
ROUND 5 WINNER
NAME:
BAMBI WILDE
OCCUPATION:
International
showgirl and
glamour model
TITLE:
Miss Nude World
2016
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ROUND 5 RUNNER UP
NAME:
PORSHA LEE
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Terry Lyon
LOCATION:
Perth
ROUND 5 RUNNER UP
NAME:
SASHA CULLEN
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Danial Gowans
LOCATION:
Victoria
PENTHOUSE 73
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FOLLOW US
/Blacklabelmagazine
@Blacklabel_AU
Penthouse_AU
PenthouseAustraliaNZ

lOMoARcPSD|29516856
STEAM(Y) PUNK
SKIN DIAMOND AND LAYLA SIN REALLY GET INTO THEIR
ROLES, FOR A PERFORMANCE YOU’LL NEVER FORGET
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MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY CONCEPT. TAKE A RIDE

INSIDE THE ALL NEW AND EVOLVED SUV.
BY STEVE FREETH
PENTHOUSE 83
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CARS4ALLSEASONS
HAT better way to handle the cold than by jumping into one of the
W latest batch of super Sports Utility Vehicles. SUVs may have fallen into
a pothole for a while, but have now made a roaring comeback as top
shelf car makers like Maserati, Bentley, Rolls Royce and Lamborghini
enter an increasingly hot market with a whole new, upscale take on the concept.
The recent New York Auto Show said it all as the next generation of luxurious, ultra
performance, high-tech SUVs captivated audiences and dominated headlines.
High-end car companies like Range Rover, Porsche or Mercedes-Benz have been
in the SUV game a while, of course — and have been busy innovating — but it’s the
entry of super automakers for the first time that’s really shaking things up.
All that competition is producing some standout cars where the starting price of
around a quarter of a million dollars has customers lining up. Smart-fuel-efficient
technologies are just part of the story as consumers with deep pockets opt for all
terrain driving and major horsepower performance that can take them from city to
country in absolute luxury.
PHOTOS:PR IMAGES

lOMoARcPSD|29516856
TESLA’S MODEL X
All next gen SUVs are shedding their fuel guzzling ways, but
Tesla’s Model X is the ultimate green machine. The 257-mile
electric range, zero-to-95-kph in 3.2 seconds and five-star
safety rating definitely impress, but so too do the futuristic
looks and IQ like automatic emergency braking, side-collision
avoidance and 360-degree sonar sensors.
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BENTLEY BENTAYGA
Billed as the world’s most powerful, jumping zero-to-95kph in 4 seconds
balanced with an inbuilt Responsive Off-Road setting, giving it huge driving
flexibility. The Bentayga is the last word in comfort with handcrafted wood and
leather interiors, glass roof, luxurious seating and a full suite of customisable
options like the Bentley Entertainment Tablet for onboard connectivity.
CARS4ALLSEASONS
ASTON MARTIN’S 2017 LAGONDA

Even James Bond could soon be driving an SUV — now that 2017 Lagonda
is almost here. With a V12 engine that can accelerate from 0-95 in under 5
seconds with a top speed of over 300 kph, but comes wrapped in a sleek
lightweight, aerodynamic carbon fiber for speed and fuel efficiency.
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MASERATI LEVANTE
The Maserati Levante may be the company’s first-ever SUV, but that hasn’t
stopped it becoming an instant hit. With all the impeccable Maserati
engineering in place, the Levante comes in both a 3-litre V6 twin-turbo or
turbo-diesel version in tandem with top aerodynamic efficiency and intelligent
all-wheel drive to give it seamless off road performance.
JAGUAR’S F-PACE
Jaguar’s F-Pace is also its first SUV, but the company has been able to
call on Land Rover’s considerable experience. The supercharged V6 gas
engine can reach zero-to-95-kph in 5.1 seconds, but technologies like
Adaptive Surface Response, Autonomous Emergency Braking, Traffic Sign
Recognition and Activity Key is just as impressive.
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DISHONORED 2
TRY OUT >> WITNESS - PS4 >> STARDEW VALLEY - PC

A puzzle adventure game that challenges the You’ve inherited your grandfather’s old
THESE individual to intuitively solve puzzles that progressively farm plot in Stardew Valley. Armed with
become more difficult as they take you through hand-me-down tools and a few coins
INDIE varying scenarios. If you enjoy challenging puzzles, you’ve set out to begin your new life. Fans
GAMES! ideas, concepts, and symbols, give this game a look. of Harvest Moon, this is for you.
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GAMING
WHAT’S ALL
THE HYPE
ABOUT?
E GET on board the hype train
W and take a look at some of the

biggest releases in 2016. From
large scale, epic multiplayer
battles, supernatural assassins and infinite
open space exploration, 2016 is set to be
a massive year for gaming. Get on board
and see what all the hype is about.
>> Dishonored 2
Hailed by many as one of the greatest
games ever, Dishonored took the stealth- Battlefield 1
action genre to new heights. Announced
at E3 2015, the immersive, open-world
>> Battlefield 1
stealthactiongame published by Bethesda,
(Fallout, Doom, Wolfenstein) looks to set
BATTLE ON LAND, IN The trailer has finally dropped for one of the
off where the original left us. In Dishonored THE AIR AND AT SEA most highly anticipated games released in
recent years. The first person shooter series
2 you’ll play a supernatural assassin driven
by revenge. The fun really kicks off with
IN WHAT WILL needs no introduction. Set in World War 1,
Dishonored’s flexible combat system, BE SOME OF THE Battlefield 1 takes you into the trenches.
Think tanks, biplanes, horses, bayonets,
which allows you to eliminate your targets LARGEST AND MOST flamethrowers, a 64-person multiplayer as
creatively as you combine supernatural
abilities, weapons and unusual gadgets at
DYNAMIC BATTLES well as a single-player campaign which will
your disposal. IN FPS HISTORY take you through Arabia, Italy and France,
among other areas. Get prepared to battle
Release: November 11
on land, in the air, and in the sea in what will
No Man’s Sky be some of the largest and “most dynamic
>> No Man’s Sky battles in FPS history.”
No Man’s Sky has been one of the most
Release: October 21
hyped games of 2016. The sci-fi indie game
will take you on an infinite procedurally
generated journey through the universe
and beyond. The premise is simple, explore
the mysterious universe with the Horizon
Omega ship, equipped with an upgraded
hyperdrive and firepower to help you
survive longer on your interstellar journey. If
you’re a fan of open space, and exploration,
then this game is for you.
Release: June
>> RIME - PS4

Rime is a beautiful open world, third person,
adventure and puzzle game to be released later this
year. It tells the story of a boy who must use his wits
and ingenuity to survive and ultimately escape from,
a mysterious island and a terrible curse.
Battlefield 1
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MUSIC
BEST ALBUMS
TO POWER
THROUGH YOUR
WORK DAY
HESE records are suggested
T listening for your time at work.

We’re going for power. Anything
on the edge and close to the best
in their genre. For whatever vibe you’re
looking to bring into your day at work.
From hard rock and punk to world-beating
hip hop, electronica and psychedelia. A
powerful combination.
I / KANYE WEST
THE LIFE OF PABLO (2016)
The most high profile release of 2016
had a hilariously bizarre introduction,
complete with Twitter streams of manic I
consciousness. Kanye West is a top five
for power and influence as a producer.
Like a large star, West can bring other III / POWER
artists into his orbit. We hear an opus ELECTRIC GLITTER BOOGIE (2015)
of guest spots from Rhianna, Kendrick The debut from Melbourne punk group
Lamar, The Dream, Chance the Rapper, Power is a straight-up, super solid rock and
The Weeknd, Frank Ocean, Andre 3000, roll album. You feel Raw Power in the style
Young Thug and more over 19 tracks. A of Iggy Pop and The Stooges, but unlike
modern gospel record for an America many others in the noisy, dirty punk scene
in a cultural war with itself. Hip hop has II right now - these guys are focused on the
become a high art form. Suited perfectly groove like a 70s Hawkwind record before
to our futuristic hyper-reality. III Lemmy joined Motorhead. It’s about the
groove and blasting riffs on guitars. A
II / CARIBOU throwback led by singer Slimy’s Chains,
UP IN FLAMES (2003) a true screaming frontman. Having more
Bursting waves of Canadian psych-pop is fun than anyone at the show and ready to
the perfect force to elevate beyond the slow throw it all in at any moment.
beginnings of a workday. Up In Flames is a
joyous ode to ‘60s psychedelia reimagined IV / FOUR TET
with old analogue gear by electronic artist ROUNDS (2003)
Dan Snaith. It was a huge departure from British electronic producer Kieran
the blissful and sedate electronica of Start IV Hebden has since developed his sound
Breaking My Heart from 2001. Suddenly into a mesmerising festival rave set,
his music was wild and full of childlike but his third album Rounds from 2003
wonder. Radiant sounds flow together like remains the seminal Four Tet record. Upon
sunlight refracting through a crystal in a its release, there was nothing quite like it.
forest by the sea. Snaith originally released Impeccably produced with a cacophony
the album under his old name, Manitoba, of fascinating instrumentation, its bright
and he’s since gone on to produce chart- and natural drums soothe the mind d whil
while
topping dance music as Caribou. keeping your activities up-tempo.
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WET AND WILD

THE ONLY THING BETTER THAN A COOL POOL ON
A HOT DAY IS STUMBLING ACROSS ONE WITH
THREE LUSH LESBIANS IN IT. DIVE IN...
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FORUM
Send your erotic fiction and Letters to Blacklabel@phpublications.com and the best of
that month will be published and receive a Black Label goodie bag!
Get writing and see your fantasies in print in Australians Best Adult Magazine!
MY ORGY activity. It was certainly a horny scene and

had been in the swinging scene for six one that will live in my memory forever. I
I months and had been busy crossing

off lots of experiences that turn me on,
off my sexual bucket list. But there was
one item on my list, that had always turned
me on since seeing it in a porno movie,
momentarily paused to look up from what
I was doing and to see naked bodies
everywhere, all partaking in hot horny sex
play, all round the room & lots of moans of
pleasure. It was exactly how I wanted my
that I thought would make my birthday just orgy to be. I then proceeded to play with
awesome. I wanted to host my own orgy but the five other people on the bed and any
I wanted it to be exactly like I had fantasised other people that came up to please me or
about it in my mind. It had to be exactly present me with their penis for me to suck,
how I imagined - a classy cocktail party that losing count of how many by the end. It
turns into a full on orgy. So I recruited the
By Kellie Blair was an orgasmic jumble of play for the next
help of my Sydney fuck buddy who agreed three hours, with many orgasms shared. I
to come down and stay a couple of days was totally satisfied by the end.
with me in the CBD at the apartment I had The guests started to leave and in the end
booked for the party. it was just me and Matthew. We showered
In the lead up, I had to construct the invite and spooned in bed, discussing and reliving
list and ensure there was lots of couples I START GIVING HIM the evenings events. Him telling me how he
that were comfortable in that environment. ORAL, SUCKING HIS made a woman squirt all over the floor three
So I used the adult sites to message the hot LARGE AMAZING COCK & times, which I hadn’t even noticed as I was
couples I had chatted to and was attracted busy in my own sexual plays, but I realized
to and sent them and invite to my party. The I’M SOON JOINED BY A we hadn’t even got to play together during
response was great and on the night I had GORGEOUS BRUNETTE the night. As I lay satisfied and snuggled in
10 couples attend, plus my Melbourne fuck Matthews arms, I got a text from Sam who
buddy Mike and a single female girlfriend. I wanted to come back with few friends. It
had booked a loft apartment with a lounge was still early and we were up for more fun
area downstairs and a bedroom upstairs drink, I walked over to Mike, who was in so we got dressed and soon Sam arrived
with a king size bed and bathroom. It was conversation with a very interested couple with my female friend EJ and a couple
the perfect layout for the party. and I asked him to join me upstairs to get of others more interested in talking than
The night finally arrives and even though the party started. I proceeded to lead him having sex. So we all went upstairs to play,
I’m super excited about the night of play up the stairs holding his hand. We went into leaving the others in the lounge to their own
ahead, I’m also nervous as the host, as I the bedroom, which was dimly lit and ready devices. Upstairs, we enjoyed an intimate
want the night to go off without incident but for play, and hardly noticed the few people foursome, stating with me going down on
also run exactly how I want and had pictured were already up in the room chatting. EJ while Matthew fucked me from behind.
it in my mind. Very attractive couples start to Standing next to the bed in the corner of Then Matthew and EJ got busy while Sam
arrive, bringing their chosen alcohol for the the room, we started kissing heavily and and I fucked. Once EJ left, I had both of the
evening. The mingling starts on the ground then I knelt in front of him to take out his guys full attention finishing off my night with
level of the apartment. They are all dress 9 inch penis, which I had enjoyed many a hot threesome.
in cocktail party attire and you could tell times. I start giving him oral, sucking his The evening was a total success and my
from the were excitement in the air, it was large amazing cock & I’m soon joined by fantasy played out exactly how I pictured
going to be a good night. I had my 2 fuck a gorgeous brunette named Jess. Both of and had imagined in my head. I was left
buddies already there and they were both us were kneeling in font of him, with Mike in a total orgasmic and euphoric state of
mingling and very popular, getting lots of standing against the wall looking down satisfaction by the end of the night. I had
attention from all the females in the room. to watch us taking turns to suck, lick and delicious moments I could savour for years
I had already polished off my first glass of share his cock. Pretty soon, an audience to come.
wine to overcome nerves and was into my had gathered to watch us too. It didn’t take This is how I believe everyone should be
second glass, but I also didn’t want to be long before most of the guests had made able to cross off sexual fantasies off their
drunk so I could remember every detail of their way upstairs and had grouped off into bucket list. It should meet each and every
the night. So when I felt I’d had enough to 3’s and 4’s indulging in all forms of sexual requirement and match exactly to the reel
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that plays in your head when you’re alone

with your fantasy. So this why I take any
had lots more quiet and dark places. Lots of
people were just going for it out in the open.
BIRTHDAY SURPRISE
fantasy requests whether it’s a threesome, There was a black box, with holes cut out was dreaming. I felt a hot mouth on my
foursome, moresome, swingers or
whatever else you fantasise about. I want it
to meet all of your expectations, so like me,
you can enjoy it in your memory for many
years to come.
at different levels called the ‘Grope Box’. I
thought I would try it.
Inside the ‘Grope Box’, it was totally dark.
Hands touched me around my legs, while
another set of hands started exploring
I cock, expertly licking and sucking, making
me hard. I felt the mouth slide town, taking
me in all the way. Then the person doing
it started humming, sending wonderful
vibrations through my penis, making me
– Kellie Blair, Vic. my breasts. It was another total sensory groan with pleasure. Suddenly, my eyes
overload. It was so hot and enjoyable. Then, snapped open. This was no dream! I looked
SAINTS AND I felt fingers inserted into my pussy and
within minutes I had my first orgasm. While
down and saw my girlfriend. She took her
mouth off me and gave my a sly smile.
SINNERS I came, more hands groped, touched and “Happy Birthday. I’ve got a surprise for
pleased me. It was such a turn on being you...” She crawled up the bed and straddled
thought I would share my first Saints
I and Sinners party experience.

The Saints and Sinners Ball was
coming up and I decided to go with my
fuck buddy, Mike. I bought tickets online
and sorted out my costume – a horny devil.
pleased and not knowing who was on the
other side. So amazing. When I came out
of the box, I felt like I was on heat. Horny
from the experience, I just wanted to shag.
I grabbed Mike by the hand and led him to
the couched area. I sat him down and knelt
me. She was totally naked. She took my cock
with her hand and guided its head between
the lips of her pussy, slowly lowering herself
until I was completely buried inside her.
“Just you lie back and enjoy.” She raised
her hands above her head and arched
The night arrived and we turned up at the
in front of him, making him hard enough to her back, letting me feast my eyes on her
venue. We showed our tickets and were
ride. As I pleasured him, I looked up and body. Then she started to slowly rock her
granted access to the party. We walked in
a hot chick had sat down next to him and hips back and forth. She felt amazing and
and I immediately noticed the place felt like
started kissing him. She joined me and we the sight of her riding me was increadibly
a nightclub; great music, bright lights, a bar
erotic. I didn’t last long before I came,
and people dressed in all sorts of costumes
erupting deep inside her. She lent forward
(although some were naked or just wearing
to kiss me, and I grinned at her. “That was
body paint). The party was spread over
the best birthday surprise ever.” She smiled
four levels – it was huge and definitely the
biggest event I had experienced to date. I WATCHED IN AWE and said, “That wasn’t the surprise...” She
turned her head and I followed her gaze. I
As we walked through, there was so much AS A HALF NAKED hadn’t even noticed the camera she had
going on. In the darkened corners people
fucked in groups of three, four and more in
RESTRAINED WOMAN set up. She had filmed the whole thing!
WAS WHIPPED, WHILE That tape has since become our favourite
all sex acts. It was exhilarating. There were
viewing and I now have some great ideas
people of all shapes and sizes; all different SOMEONE ELSE DRIPPED of what to do for her birthday...
ages; just expressing their sexuality without
rules or judgment. So many hot girls and CANDLE WAX ON HER - T, NSW.
guys that I wanted to pash. I was getting so
horny and my knickers were soaked. EXPANDING
We got a drink and made our way upstairs
to the top floor. On the stage, was a took turns sucking him and then kissing.
HORIZONS
bondage display. I watched in awe as a Mike was very hard and ready, so I got up, Y husband and I have always
half naked restrained woman was whipped,
while someone else dripped candle wax on
her. We walked inside and I was approached
by a very hot woman, wearing a bikini top
and a tiny mini skirt; she had 2 gentlemen
moved my knickers to side and began to
ride him. Fuck, it was good, especially
after the two orgasms I’d had earlier. Mike
fingered the chick while I rode him. At one
point, he took his fingers out and stuck them
M enjoyed sharing long hot showers
together, so much so that when
we renovated our house, our first
priority was to make sure our en suite had
a double shower that ran the entire length
dressed in black latex, gimp masks and in my mouth so I could taste her. It wasn’t of the room and was matched by a wall of
each were on a leash. She started kissing long before I came again. I jumped off and full length mirrors. Dealing with tradesmen
me and I remember thinking, “Fuck, is this started sucking him before moving over in during a renovation can be a stressful ordeal
really happening?” Then she said, “Would front of her. I started licking her out; she but thankfully hot cleansing showers help to
you like him to please you?” I nodded tasted great and was very wet. She started to wash away the stress. With money tight
enthusiastically and she ordered him to eat sucking Mike while I stuck a finger inside and my husband due to celebrate a birthday
me out. The masked guy bent down in her and licked her clit. She jumped onto of the next day, I knew that I would have to get
front of me and started tonguing me. Oh my Mike’s cock and rode him as I kissed him creative to give him the gift that he desired,
god! This was just too much. It was so full and put my boobs in his face to suck. It using everything at my disposal.
on. Being my first full on experience, I got was so fucking horny when she came and With the plumbers and plasterers gone for
embarrassed and self-conscious and told then Mike blew too. We didn’t even know the night, dinner cooked and dishes done, I
her I didn’t want any more right now. He her name. She went off and we pashed found my husband sweeping building mess
stopped and she led them away. and recomposed ourselves on the couch into piles, clouded by plasterer’s dust and
Wow! I needed another drink after that before heading back out to yet another level builder’s sawdust. Easing up behind him, I
interaction. We went down to the next and another horny experience. wrapped my arms around him from behind,
level, which was much quieter. This level – Kellie Blair, Vic. my fingers meeting across his athletic chest.
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My lips automatically found his neck, my uncontrollably, I felt his cock slip inbetween my eyes only leaving my husband’s face
hands tracing patterns in the dust that had my arse cheeks, appearing suddenly in the to observe his thick cock behind the glass.
settled on his tight T-shirt. I pressed against mirror above my back. My hands on the Thrusting, heaving, sliding, grinding on the
him, my nipples tracing patterns in his back shower door, I lurched forward, spreading plumber’s cock, overcome by the tidal wave
while my hands ran from chest to stomach to my legs further so my husband could get of orgasm racking my body, wishing that the
groin. I was thrilled to feel his cock growing a perfect view of my wet pussy. Reaching plumber himself would fill my pulsing pussy
in response to my lips, my nipples and my between my legs, I grasped his cock, his with hot sticky cum.
hands, his cock threatening to break free knob like a perfect mushroom of hard granite The plumber had his hands on my hips and
from his jeans. I felt that wonderful sensation in my fingers, my entire hand barely covering his cock deep inside my pussy. He moved
of moistness between my own legs, the one quarter of his length. He was as thick as one of his hands to rub my clit while the
longing for his thick hard cock. What he my husband but so much longer! Guiding other squeezed my nipple. My husband,
lacked in length he certainly made up for in his knob against my throbbing clit, I groaned suddenly free of the shower, stood before
thickness. Slapping his hand as it reached to my husband. me. As my orgasm subsided, I took him in my
back behind his body, searching out my “What would you like me to do?” I asked. mouth, all of him, wanting him to feel some
wetness, I murmured, “You’re all dusty and I rubbed his beautiful smooth hot knob sense of how the plumber felt. The feeling
dirty, take a long shower and wait for me to against my clit, barely daring to breath for of the plumber thrusting into my pussy
join you. I’ve got a birthday surprise for you”. fear of betraying my wet pussy, the danger while my husband thrust into my mouth was
Hearing the shower running, fighting the of the moment very real, as real as my unbelievably hot but I wanted more. I stood
overwhelming urge to go straight to him to husband’s hard cock bounced in front of up, suddenly, both men slipping from me.
satisfy my sudden need, I resisted, preparing my eyes. Would he angrily explode out of the I was determined to give my husband the
quickly as planned. shower? Or would he find it as hot as I did? best birthday present possible. Walking
Walking into our bedroom, I brushed “My surprise?” he asked. “If you want it, into the bedroom, I pushed my husband
the pillows from the bed, slipping from my do it.” onto the bed, my mouth once again on his
blouse, skirt and g-string. Bending to pick up thick cock, a moan escaping his lips. The
the pillows, I could feel my husband watching plumber, standing beside me, reached to lift
me from behind, his eyes on my arse, the my husband’s cock, holding it while I took
cleft of my womanhood exposed to his gaze. I KEPT EYE CONTACT my husband into my mouth, the plumber’s
Sneaking a look in the bedside mirror, my fingers cupping my husband’s balls,
eyes focussed on his hardness, I could not WITH MY HUSBAND AS I turning me on, making me wet once again.
resist. Spreading my legs, my fingers found FELT THE PLUMBER SHIFT, Allowing my husband’s cock to slap from my
my throbbing clit. My husband watched HIS COCK SLIDING INTO mouth, I pushed the plumber onto the bed.
helplessly from the shower. I rubbed my clit Positioned over him, his hands held me up,
and watched him. Standing upright, and MY SMOOTH, WET PUSSY my arse faced his cock and my chest was
turning, I walked towards him… “Stay there”, in the air. I lowered myself once again onto
I breathed, “I’ve got something for you.” his cock, his hard shaft reaching up to me
Walking to the shower door, I pressed my from between my arse cheeks. He entered
erect nipples to the warm glass, allowing my I kept eye contact with my husband as I me, completely filling me. My husband,
birthday boy a complete view of my body. felt the plumber shift, his cock sliding into knowing that the plumber must be close
His cock, in response, appearing to leap my smooth, wet pussy. Perfectly still and to cumming, positioned himself between
from his body, thrusting out as though trying bent over, with my legs spread, I felt him our thrusting legs, licking my clit as the
to reach me through the glass of the shower ease into me, slowly, inch by wonderful inch. plumber’s cock struck deep within my core.
screen. Raising my arms above my head, Eyes darting from my husband’s eyes to the Wanting more, needing more, my husband
my hands keeping the shower door firmly mirror, I saw my own eyes suddenly grow as was suddenly everywhere. His cock pushed
closed, my legs spread, my back arched, my large as golf balls, my mouth inadvertently against my clit, demanding me. Thrusting up,
lips touching the glass between my mouth widening in shock at the absolute thickness with a deep feeling of regret within my wet
and his thick cock. His eyes, almost frantic, and length of his cock. Pushing backwards, pussy, I forced the plumber out of me, my
looking from his cock to my mouth, to the uncontrollably, wanting all of him. I saw my hand grasping between my legs, lathered
mirror running all around the bathroom, husband, with a perfect view, alternating in wetness.. My hand reached to coat my
revealing a perfect view of me from behind. between watching my face and the mirrored arse in my juices, my body suddenly once
My eyes, shifting from a close up of his cock, view of the plumber’s cock impaling me again reaching for the long, thick cock, as
to the mirror, watching. completely, my hands still on the shower the plumber slid smoothly inside my arse,
Then the plumber walked in, naked... door and my legs still spread. causing me to collapse against him.
his timing couldn’t have been perfect. His Fully inside me, the plumber stood perfectly Reaching for my husband, I pulled his
beautiful, naked body guided forward by his still. Gasping, not fully in control, my body pulsing cock inside my pussy, aching for the
own hard, thick cock. ignored my mind, which was screaming, pain of them both deep within me. I saw
My husband, the birthday boy, was still “Oh my god! So big! Get it out of me! So the look of amazement in my husband’s
trapped in the shower. His eyes darted big!” But it felt so good. My body betrayed eyes as he felt the double pleasure of my
from my face to the side mirror, a smile me, thrusting back and forward, as he stood pussy, tight against the cock within my arse. I
forming on his lips. Still bent over, my eyes there perfectly still. My breasts bounced and wanted them to both fill me up with hot sticky
locked onto my husband’s eyes. I felt the my pussy ached for more cock. I thrusted, cum. I needed it! My thrusting demanded
plumber’s hands on my hips, his lips on over and over, the wonderful feeling of his it! My husband, gifted the perfect surprise
my neck. Pushing backwards, urgently, balls crashing against my heaving arse, for his birthday, hands now squeezing my
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Brought to you by
hard nipples as he drives deep inside me, Hannah with two of her fingers, the shorter lady
stretching me, his wonderful hard cock was massaging Hannah’s clit. As I walked up
pressing against the plumber’s cock, the two to them Hannah began breathing heavily and
causing my entire core to vibrate. Feeling moaning with what was obviously about to be
the waves of orgasm washing through an intense orgasm. Her body visibly tensed and
me, I gasp as the plumber filled my arse then went completely relaxed. After a moment
with a crooked smile.
with explosion after explosion of his cum, she opened her eyes and saw me standing
She leaned in close to me and conspiratorially
matching my second orgasm for the night. before her. “Hi Honey! I made some new friends.”
whispered, “I’m so wet right now that I’m
My husband paused his deep thrusting to After a brief introduction to the other ladies,
soaking through my panties.”
admire his great work. Feeling wonderful who were here without their partners, my wife
Hannah then rested her hand on my thigh,
and aching everywhere, they both withdrew, suggested the four of us go upstairs to find a
extended her fingers, and lightly stroked me
but my present to my husband would not more private space. All of us, hand in hand,
through my trousers. With a sparkle in her eye
be complete unless he came. Laying on my snaked our way through the packed first floor
she giggled.
back, I offered myself to my husband and and up the stairs where the crowd thinned
After finishing our drinks, we settled our tab
lifted my legs so he could see the plumber’s substantially.
and left to go to the entrance of the club. A
cum flood from my arse. Demanding that We found a small room with a bed and
sign posted on the front doorway read, “Ladies
the plumber kneel beside my arse and hold a couple of chairs, went in and closed the
Night: Entry at the rear.” We both had a laugh
my legs in the air, I urged my husband to door. Hannah instructed me to sit and enjoy
at this. Around the back of the club, under a
fuck me. Swiftly entering me, he regained the show. As I watched, the three ladies then
single wire covered light, was a red door that
his rhythm, my hand on the plumber’s cock, proceeded to kneel on the bed in a triangle and
looked oddly inviting. Hannah opened the door
my groans filled the night air as he pounded make out with one another. One would nuzzle
and we could hear nervous tittering and the
me, my breasts bouncing and my tongue the nape of a neck while the other two were
unmistakable sounds of a woman in the middle
snaking in and out of my own mouth. I was passionately exploring each others mouths with
of an orgasm. Her eyes shining, my wife looked
completely filled with animal desire. His balls their tongues. Fingers would run through hair.
back at me, gave me a quick kiss and said, “See
crashed into my wet arse with each hard A hand would cup an arse or slide sensually
thrust. He withdrew until only the tip of his down the smooth skin on the back. As they
cock was inside me, while the plumber’s laid down on the bed it became difficult to see
cock rested hard against the base of my whose hands were where. Hannah spread the
husband’s shaft. THE THREE LADIES THEN blonde’s legs and started placing small kisses
My husband’s lifelong fantasy was to see PROCEEDED TO KNEEL ON on her inner thighs and slowly working her way
me being fucked by another man and it was to a beautifully bare muff. As she used her
coming true. My husband paused fucking
THE BED IN A TRIANGLE tongue to spread full lips of the blonde’s pussy,
me but only long enough for the plumber AND MAKE OUT WITH the brunette sat a straddle over the blonde’s
to spray another stream of hot cum, this
time perfectly aimed onto my husband’s
ONE ANOTHER face and started grinding herself into the hungry
mouth beneath her.
balls... just as my husband exploded inside The mesh in my briefs strained against my
me, wave after wave of wonderful hot cum. growing erection and I slid the underwear to the
Sliding out, barely able to breathe after you in a couple of hours!” The door closed floor and started stroking my cock. I could see
that monumental orgasm, I watched as the behind her and I was left alone in the quiet alley Hannah’s glistening pussy lips as she bent over
plumber licked me clean as my husband’s under the single wire covered light. and happily worked the clit in front of her. It was
cum gushed from my pussy. The men were all meant to go to a nearby bar more than I could take; I got up behind her and
I expect that my husband will ask the whilst their partners played without them. So thrust myself deep inside of her with one swift
plumber to clean up the mess every day for the next two hours, we all attempted to make movement. She moaned into the woman in
while he’s renovating our place... I can only casual conversation as we tried to not imagine front of her, and as I fucked my wife I could see
hope it’s the gift that keeps on giving! what our wives and girlfriends were doing. Ne the other two women start to breathe heavier.
– B.S, Fitzory edless to say, many of us had to adjust our Hannah’s tongue increased its fervor on the
pants during those couple of hours. blonde and in turn the brunette was clearly
LADIES NIGHT When our time was up, twenty men lined up
outside the red door at the club and made our
enjoying the extra enthusiasm that was being
used on her. After a few moments none of
Y My wife, Hannah, and I had been
M
way inside. As we changed out of our street us could hold back. With a series of moans,
waiting for this night for weeks. The clothes and dressed down, some fully nude cries, and grunts we all came nearly at once
local swingers club was doing a and others wearing their underwear, we could and collapsed onto the bed into a heap panting.
special “Ladies’ Night” where all the hear the sounds of the women already having After a few moments one of the ladies said,
women could get in for free and the entire club all sorts of fun in throughout the club. I decided “The club is open for three more hours. How
would be theirs for the first couple of hours to leave on my mesh boxer briefs and went much more do you all have in you?”
in the evening. Hannah is openly bisexual but wandering to find Hannah. “You can always stay with us.” Hannah replied
hadn’t had an opportunity for girl play in almost Weaving my way through the people I finally dreamily and we all laughed.
a year. She was excited, to say the least. found Hannah on a loveseat sofa. She was Fifteen minutes later we were all piling into a
We sat at the bar next to the club sipping between two naked women: a short well- cab to go back to our place. I sat in the front
a couple of Bourbon Old-Fashioneds while proportioned blonde with a pixie style haircut and seat and the ladies in the back. I never looked
anxiously waiting for it to open. I glanced at a taller lady with long black hair in loose curls. back to see what was going on but I did notice
my wife, and saw that she was staring intently Each of the women had one of my wife’s breasts that the cabbie e kept having to adjust his mirror
at me and smiling wickedly. “What?” I asked in their mouth and as the taller woman probed and his pants.
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S U B S C R I B E T O B L A C K L A B E L
O N L I N E P E N T H O U S E .C O M . AU P H O N E 1 3 6 1 1 6

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HOLLY WINTERS - 0487 427 790
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VIVIENNE BLACK
Australia’s very own Bond girl, Sydney based and
touring to a major city near you soon! Vivienne is a
sexual chameleon that likes to get caught with her
pants down. She prides herself on providing an
experience unmatched by any other and wants to
share many mouth-watering moments with you. This
girl is sure to blow your socks off and leave your
rocket tingling with delight.
CONTACT DETAILS:
Mobile: 0474 845 502
Website: www.vivienneblackvip.com
Email: vivienneblackvip@gmail.com
Twitter: @vivienneescort
110 PENTHOUSE

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STELLA
MATTHEWS
Sydney Based Companion
No doubt you’ll go weak at the

knees upon sighting this tanned
blonde beauty with mesmerising
green blue eyes and a cheeky
smile.
Stella is sophisticated and
gorgeous with a modest, almost
shy, demeanour. Her number one
goal is to pleasure you, ensuring
an unforgettable tantalising
experience.
For booking inquiries:

Email: escort.stellamatthews@
gmail.com
SMS preferred: 0481 289 598
PENTHOUSE 111
lOMoARcPSD|29516856
HOLLY
WINTERS
Meet Holly Winters, bewitching
brunette and the epitome of
glamour. Holly proves to be
sexual playmate unlike any other.
An enchanting experience is
guaranteed.
For booking inquiries:

Phone: 0487 427 790
Email: hollywinterssyd@gmail.com
Doubles with Vivienne Black
112 PENTHOUSE

lOMoARcPSD|29516856
KELLIE BLAIR
An independent private escort for men, women and
couples. Truly bisexual and specialising in playing with
Couples and women. I’m Sexy, passionate, captivating
and totally addictive. An experience with me leaves you
wanting more. I have an impeccable reputation, with
over 45 reviews in over 4 years in the industry, and I
have a loyal following of regular lovers across Australia.
I’m based in Melbourne but also travel all over Australia
too. No excuses let’s have fun soon.
CONTACT DETAILS:
Contact: 0477 205 105 SMS
kellieblair69@gmail.com | www.kellieblair.com
Twitter: @Misskellieblair
PENTHOUSE 113
lOMoARcPSD|29516856
WEIRD HISTORY
TIDAL WAVES
OF BEER SOUNDS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE
EER! For many men, this word is right up there in the thermometer, brewers were able to produce enough
B the top 5 things they want to hear throughout the

day — and probably the only one that doesn’t involve
their pecker.
One glass and you’re already smarter, better looking and
more athletic. Two to three, your skill in bar games like pool
beer to get whole countries completely trashed — or
approximately just enough beer to get John Belushi tipsy.
And it was during the industrial revolution, in 1814, that
one of the greatest beer related tragedies (of which we’re
sure there are many other contenders) occurred — the
and darts dramatically increase — you also now know how “Great London Beer Flood”.
to dance. Six glasses — you’re in deep now — luckily, beer As we all know, there is nothing sadder than tipping over
miraculously bestows upon you the wisdom of a philosopher, a full beer. If it’s your own, it may be the signal to go home, if
you are easily the most interesting person in the room. Ten plus it’s someone else’s — let’s just hope you have enough change
glasses — isn’t it about time you messaged your ex? Twenty — the to replace it. Now, imagine compounding this accident by — say
Dalai Barman has anointed you the Second Coming of Drunken — 4 million. Now you are starting to get a grasp of what it was
Jesus — in your holy benevolence, you expunge all evil from your like for the brewery that caused the Great London Beer Flood.
body; the light compels a burrito you ate earlier to runneth from Messrs. Henry Meux and Co. was founded early in the reign
your stomach — straight into a gutter outside the bar. of King George III and had become renowned for its porter, of
Beer truly is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately — the next day, you which it produced over 100 thousand litres per year. When a
will only remember part of this strange and wonderful journey, storehouse clerk, George Crick, inspected one of the three
meaning you will have to repeat the process again next weekend storey wooden vats that contained the honey-brown nectar, he
and the one after and the one — you get the point. noticed that a 700-pound girdle had fallen off the bottom of the
Beer is the result of fermented cereal sugars. Back before we container. Apparently, not an uncommon occurrence, he was
were clinking glasses and stumbling home, wild airborne yeasts told not to worry about it. In fact, Crick’s boss assured him “no
caused grain stored by ancient tribes to spontaneously ferment, harm whatever would ensue” from the broken hoop. Moments
creating alcohol as a by-product. When consumed by one of later, the beer vat exploded.
BEER IS PROOF THAT GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO BE HAPPY

our more adventurous ancient ancestors, this bizarre tasting The explosion triggered a chain reaction with the adjoining
concoction resulted in the first ever keg party — as well as the vats, resulting in nearly 1.5 million litres of beer to come
first hangover. While pinpointing the exact moment in time is cascading down from the brewery into the nearby (mostly
nearly impossible, we know that beer has been part of human impoverished) Irish community. We know what you’re thinking
civilisation for almost as long as civilisation has been a thing. It — a beer flood in an Irish neighbourhood — best day of their
probably gave civilisation a purpose too — let’s build a mighty lives, right? Unfortunately, as whimsical as the story sounds,
wall around this valley and farm these crops — why? So we can it was devastating for the residents. Bricks and mortar rained
get shitfaced, of course! down on the streets, killing one 14-year-old girl instantly. In
Needless to say, the trend quickly took off, with evidence of the cellar of a nearby dwelling, a family holding a wake for their
brewing found in Iran, Egypt and throughout Neolithic Europe. recently deceased 2-year old boy were crushed when their
Ancient beer was usually only created and sold domestically, house collapsed under the tidal wave of beer. Eight women
making home brew the standard practice. Production changed and children in total lost their lives in a disaster that, according
in the 14th and 15th century in Europe when pubs and to the London’s morning post, was “equal to that which fire or
monasteries started to produce beer on a larger scale for mass earthquake may be supposed to occasion.”
consumption. The brewery didn’t pay any damages to the victims’ family for
When industrialisation came along, humans experienced a the mishap after a jury rendered its verdict that the incident had
level of production never before seen by any civilisation on Earth. been an “Act of God”.
Along with the textiles and automotive engineering, brewing also Which brings to mind an old Ben Franklin quote — “Beer is
saw an unprecedented boon. Backed by developments in steam proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”— so long
oves u
engine technology and the introduction of the hydrometer and as it’s in a glass.
114 PENTHOUSE

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WITH YOUR NOVEMBER ISSUE OF
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PORSHA LEE

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SEPTEMBER 2016 $14.95 NZ $15.90

NOT AVAILABLE TO PERSONS UNDER 18 YEARS

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12: ASK AMIE

14: TOP 10 - FOR THE GIRLS

19: MEET THE TEAM

28: WHAT WE’VE LEARNT

44: THE REPORT

50: HOW TO...

91: WET AND WILD WANT M

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW PENTHOUSE

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CIRCULATION AND PRODUCTION

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HEAT ONE - HAYLEE ADAMS

MISS NUDE SA 2016

HEAT ONE - RICKI- LEE RITCH

HEAT ONE - PHOEBE ELLE JAMES

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HEAT ONE - ASTI MARI KERR

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G dilemma that needs solving?

Q: To celebrate our wedding

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THIS bluetooth remote-

handy mobile app. The NEX

1 OUR SECRET 2 BY THE BI 3 FEM PLAY 4 LIGHT 5 THE

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6 FROLIC ME 7 WILDFIRE 8 SKIRTCLUB 9 BRIGHT 10 LOVELIFE

YES, Please send me BLACK LABEL for:

1 year (11 issues) - includes 3 FREE issues

Please send free issues to: Me Gift recipient

GIFT RECIPIENT DETAILS:

Or charge my credit card:

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MEET THE TEAM

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N Doctor Canavero plans to remove the head of a patient

SELFIE GONE WRONG FELLS

HOW (NOT) TO GET

WE’RE GOING TO MARS lovemaking session, Dannupawa

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MEN WHO CAN TELL

SHOPKEEPER KILLED DOZENS WITH ‘REVENGE’ SWEETS

WOMAN WANTS ‘420’

ECONOMIST REMOVED FROM PLANE, SUSPECTED AS TERRORIST

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QANTAS PILOT GROPES returning sometime around 1am.

FEMALE CREW MEMBER public via a social media post.

AUSTRALIAN MAN FIGHTS OFF

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