Dear you,

It's been a while since the last time we spoke. I would be lying if I said I didn't still
think about you from time to time. To be completely honest, there's a part of me
that will probably never fully forget you. I remember when I used to think you
could be my everything, and all the times you broke my heart when you treated
me like I was nothing.
I remember how badly it hurt when I finally came to the realization that I couldn't
change you, that no amount of second chances or turning a blind eye would ever
make you love me. I remember how badly the silence you left me in stung when
you would drop off the face of the earth for weeks at a time. And the
overwhelming wave of excitement that came over me when I would look down at
my phone and see your name when you had decided to finally resurface.
I remember how you had me so convinced it was my fault you didn't want me the
way I wanted you, that there had to be something inside of me that needed
changing so you would finally stay.
I remember staring at myself in the mirror, picking myself apart trying to figure out
why I wasn't good enough. I remember clinging to every compliment you ever
gave me in order to make it through every time you made me cry.
I remember all the empty promises and unanswered texts. I remember the way
you used to ignore me to look cool in front of your friends. I remember comparing
myself to all the other girls you paid attention to, and ignoring the guys paying
attention to me because I foolishly couldn't imagine having any interest in anyone
else.
I remember my friends trying to get through to me and saying you were a jerk. I
remember all the drafts of text messages I wrote to you telling you exactly how I
felt, and all the times I was too afraid of losing you to actually hit send.
I remember convincing myself every time you let me down that it was OK
because it was better to have you somewhat in my life, rather than not having
you in it at all. And I remember the day I finally decided I needed to set myself
free of you so vividly because it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I remember the day I deleted all the nice things you ever texted me in a
desperate attempt to remove you from my life. I remember how hard I had to try
for months not to reach for my phone to call you when I couldn't sleep at night.
And how painful it was to stomach the fact that you didn't seem to miss me at all.
And I remember the feeling of your hold over me loosening its grip, little by little,
day by day.
 I remember the first time I saw you in public, and it didn't send my heart into the
pit of my stomach. I remember the first time I heard your name come up in
conversation, and I didn't have to stop to catch my breath. I remember how angry
I was at myself for ever letting someone make me doubt my worth, for allowing
someone to treat me as a secondary player in their life when they were a primary
player in mine.
I remember an overwhelming urge to yell and scream at you, telling you
everything I never had the courage to say. And I remember how freeing it was
when I realized you were no longer worth my tears.
There are one million mean, horrible things I could say to you, but it would be a
waste of both of our time. I have made peace with the fact that you will never fully
realize how poorly you treated me. I have come to terms with the fact that, in
your eyes, I wasn't worth changing for. I have rejected the notion you once
instilled in me that I wasn't good enough. And I want to thank you for making me
a stronger person than I was before I met you.
Because of you, I now know what I deserve. I now know that I am worthy of
being treated with respect, and that I am not someone you only want to see after
midnight.
I am not a punching bag you can deflect all of your insecurities onto. I know I'm
not perfect, but I know for a fact I am far better off than you.
Because one day, all of the mind games are going to catch up with you. One day,
you are going to meet a girl who is going to tell you off. One day, you might just
wake up to find you let a perfectly good girl walk out of your life.
And when you finally come to your senses, she won't be sitting by the phone
waiting for you to call. Not anymore.
Sincerely,
Better Off Without You