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Your friend Karina is back from the Peace Corps, but she’s not the
same.
Making Relationship Choices by chapter
Chapter 1: Introducing Interpersonal Communication: Kaitlyn’s story
Chapter 2: Considering Self: Jonathan’s story
Chapter 3: Perceiving Others: Dylan’s story
Chapter 4: Experiencing and Expressing Emotions: Sam’s story
Chapter 5: Understanding Culture: Mom’s story
NEW! Chapter 6: Understanding Gender: Derek’s story
Chapter 7: Listening Actively: Ana’s story
Chapter 8: Communicating Verbally: Britney’s story
Chapter 9: Communicating Nonverbally: Dakota’s story
Chapter 10: Managing Conflict and Power: Devdas’s story
Chapter 11: Relationships with Romantic Partners: Javi’s story
Chapter 12: Relationships with Family Members: Dad’s story
Chapter 13: Relationships with Friends: Karina’s story
NEW! Chapter 14: Relationships in the Workplace: Elizabeth’s story
 Reflect & Relate
An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

FIFTH EDITION

STEVEN McCORNACK
The University of Alabama at Birmingham
KELLY MORRISON
The University of Alabama at Birmingham
For Bedford/St. Martin’s
Vice President, Editorial, Macmillan Learning Humanities: Edwin
Hill
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Composition: Lumina Datamatics, Ltd.
Cover and Title Page Images: (Le ) PhotosIndia.com/Getty Images;
(right) drbimages/Getty Images

ISBN 978-1-319-24695-2 (mobi)

© 2019, 2016, 2013, 2010 by Bedford/St. Martin’s

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored

in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,
except as may be expressly permitted by the applicable copyright
statutes or in writing by the Publisher.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

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For information, write: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 75 Arlington Street,

Boston, MA 02116 (617-399-4000)

Acknowledgments
Art acknowledgments and copyrights appear on the same page as
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copyrights constitute an extension of the copyright page. It is a
violation of the law to reproduce these selections by any means
whatsoever without the written permission of the copyright holder.

At the time of publication, all Internet URLs published in this text

were found to accurately link to their intended website. If you do
find a broken link, please forward the information to
catherine.burgess@macmillan.com so that it can be corrected for
the next printing.
Reflect & Relate, Fi h Edition,
connects to the learning outcomes
of the National Communication
Association (NCA)
In 2018, the National Communication Association (NCA) published
learning outcomes for courses within the discipline. Below you can
see how these learning outcomes apply to Reflect & Relate, Fi h
Edition.

NCA Outcome Relevant Coverage in Reflect & Relate, Fi h Edition

Learning Foundational communication concepts are discussed in Chapter 1:

Outcome #1: Introducing Interpersonal Communication. A er defining communication
Describe the and describing its main characteristics, a thorough exploration of
communication interpersonal communication reveals the features of this specific
discipline and communication type, along with the principles and motives embedded
its central within them. Issues surrounding interpersonal communication are also
questions. introduced, including culture, gender, sexual orientation, mediated
contexts, and the dark side of interpersonal relationships.

Learning Reflect & Relate combines classic and contemporary theory in every
Outcome #2: chapter, from Knapp’s (1984) stages of relationship development (Chapter
Employ 11) and Orbe’s (1998) Co-Cultural Communication Theory (Chapter 5) to
communication Blum, Mmari, and Moreau’s (2017) research on the impact of varying
theories, gender expectations on adolescence around the globe (Chapter 6). Each
perspectives, Making Relationship Choices case study encourages you to reflect on the
principles, and concepts you’ve encountered throughout the chapter, and apply what you
concepts. have learned to a difficult communication situation.

Learning In LaunchPad for Reflect & Relate, you’ll find bonus content, “Research in
Outcome #3: Interpersonal Communication,” which introduces you to the approaches
Engage in
communication communication scholars take when conducting research and developing
inquiry. theories, as well as when it is appropriate to employ each method.

Learning In Chapter 1, you’ll learn that competent interpersonal communication is

Outcome #4: tied to appropriateness, the degree to which your communication matches
Create the accepted norms for a given audience, purpose, or context. Throughout
messages the rest of the text, you’ll learn the necessary skills for communicating
appropriate to appropriately—particularly in the Skills Practice feature and Making
the audience, Relationship Choices case studies—whether you are managing a conflict
purpose, and with a family member, offering empathy to a friend, or advocating for
context. yourself with your supervisor at work.

Learning One of the primary ways to begin critically analyzing messages is through
Outcome #5: active listening, covered in Chapter 7. In this chapter, you’ll learn the
Critically differences between hearing and listening, as well as how you can improve
analyze your listening during each stage of the process, from limiting opportunities
messages. for multitasking to paraphrasing what your communication partner has
said. In addition, Chapter 3 is devoted exclusively to perception, where
you’ll learn how improving your perception-checking skills can also
improve your ability to analyze the messages you receive.

Learning Each chapter’s Making Relationship Choices case study feature takes you
Outcome #6: through a five-step process in which you draw on the communication
Demonstrate concepts you’ve learned throughout the chapter to manage a difficult
the ability to situation with loved ones, peers, or colleagues. At the end of each case
accomplish study, you’ll measure your self-efficacy by evaluating the appropriateness,
communicative effectiveness, and ethics of your communication, and reflect on what you
goals (self- could have done differently to accomplish your goal.
efficacy).

Learning As with appropriateness, ethics is highlighted as one of the key

Outcome #7: components of competent interpersonal communication. Chapter 1
Apply ethical defines ethics as the set of moral principles that guide our communicative
communication behaviors. Throughout the text, you’ll consider how ethics plays a role in
principles and the way you communicate with others and manage difficult situations. The
practices. NCA’s official “Credo for Ethical Communication” is also included in
Chapter 1.
Learning The emphasis of Chapter 5: Understanding Culture is on embracing
Outcome #8: difference in order to dismantle the divisions we perceive with others. This
Utilize chapter explores the influence of cultural variations on communication,
communication and how understanding these can help us to communicate meaningfully
to embrace with those who we perceive as different. This chapter introduces the
difference. concept of intersectionality, the idea that we are the sum total of our
overlapping experiences, rather than a single category.

Learning While Reflect & Relate focuses on interpersonal communication, rather

Outcome #9: than public discourse, you can easily purchase access to our public
Influence speaking titles at store.macmillanlearning.com. Our Essential Guide to
public Rhetoric is available at an affordable price, and will help you create
discourse. messages capable of impacting audiences and influencing public life.
preface
One of the greatest blessings we all experience as teachers of
interpersonal communication is the chance to connect with an array
of interesting, complicated, and diverse people. Each term, a new
window of contact opens. As we peer through it on that first day, we
see the faces of those who will comprise our class. They are
strangers to us at that moment — an enigmatic group distinguished
only by visible differences in skin, hair, and mode of dress. But over
the weeks that follow, they become individuated people. We learn
the names that symbolize their now-familiar faces, as well as their
unique cultural identities: the intersection of ethnicity, gender
identity, sexual orientation, religion, nationality, age, and economic
background that comprises each of them. And because it’s an
interpersonal class, we also learn their stories: the tragedies that
linger in sadness etched upon their brows; the aspirations that urge
them to lean forward in knowledge-anticipation. Then the term
ends, the window closes, and the shade is drawn. All that remains
are the a er-images imprinted on the retina of our memories: Alex,
who came out of the closet — but only to you; Sonia, who struggled
to surmount stereotypes of her Pakistani ancestry; Lourdes, who, as
the first in her family to attend college, brought to your class all the
hopes and dreams of multiple generations.

This seemingly limitless breadth of cultural variation should

evoke a sense of unbridgeable distance. But instead, these people
whom we come to call our students share a common bond that
serves to connect them: they all want to improve their relationships.
They bring to our classes romantic heartbreaks, family ri s,
friendship betrayals, and bullying bosses; and they look to us to give
them practical, relevant knowledge that will empower them to
choose wisely in dealing with these challenges. The legacy of such
impact may be found in their e-mails and social media messages to
us months, and even years, later: “I just wanted you to know that
your class changed my life!”

Like many of you, we also have had these former students ask,
“How do you stay passionate about teaching, a er doing it for so
many years?” (We’ve been team-teaching the intro-to-interpersonal
class together every semester for more than two decades.) Our
answer is always the same. Our passion for this class stems from its
potential for transformative impact. That is, the skills and
knowledge that we all — as interpersonal communication
instructors — bring to our students have the potential to transform
their lives in powerful, positive ways. The idea of not being thrilled
about sharing this life-changing material is inconceivable! ☺ And
it’s our passion for this content that motivated us to write Reflect &
Relate, Fi h Edition.

Those of you familiar with previous versions of Reflect & Relate

likely already have noticed the biggest change in the fi h edition, as
it’s right on the front cover: the addition of Dr. Kelly Morrison as a
co-author. To understand the significance of her collaboration, you
need to know the backstory regarding previous editions, and her
role in their creation. When Steve wrote the very first edition of
Reflect & Relate, he wanted to provide his fellow teachers and their
students with a textbook that was welcoming, friendly, personal,
trustworthy, and practical — a book that was rock solid in content,
represented the finest of new and classic scholarship in our
discipline, and provided a clear sense of the field as a domain of
scientific endeavor, not just “common sense.” He also wanted a book
that didn’t read like a typical textbook but was so engaging that
students might read through entire chapters before they realized
they had done so. And, of course, his core mission was creating a
book that didn’t just tell students what to do but taught students how
to systematically reason through interpersonal communication
challenges. Students could walk away from reading it knowing how
to solve their own problems and flexibly adapt to dynamic changes
in contexts and relationships.

What you may not know, however, is that Kelly played a pivotal
role in these previous editions. Steve turned to her as a respected
colleague, trusted confidante, sounding board, best friend, and
spouse, in seeking her counsel on numerous features. For instance,
the very title of the book — Reflect & Relate — was Kelly’s idea, as
were the ideas of bolstering students’ critical self-reflection abilities
by including Self-Reflection exercises in the margins, and adding
“The Other Side” to the Making Relationship Choices feature. And
dozens of the most beloved illustrative examples that have given the
book its vibrant and engaging readability — such as George
Washington and the Battle of Trenton; Gospel for Teens; and the
Santa Claus School — were Kelly’s inspirations. Thus, the addition of
Kelly’s name on the cover is not so much an abrupt change as it is
justly honoring a writer and thinker who has long been behind-the-
scenes advising this text.

As we embarked on the process of creating this fi h edition

together, we had three primary goals in mind. First, we wanted to
capitalize on Kelly’s deep and broad expertise with regard to gender
and communication, to create something previously unprecedented
within an introductory interpersonal textbook: a dedicated chapter
on gender. Too o en, gender content is sequestered to subheadings
buried within chapters, or boxed features apart from the text. Yet
the cultural importance of gender has grown to such magnitude that
it merits greater coverage. Simply put, we believe that interpersonal
textbooks should have a gender chapter and cover gender
throughout the text, and we are overjoyed to be leading the charge
on this front. Second, we wanted to include “Workplace
Relationships” as a chapter, rather than an appendix. The fact is,
most of us (and our students) will spend the majority of our adult
waking hours in the workplace, so the relationships that form and
exist within such contexts merit a spotlight. And finally, we wanted
to further improve on our chapter about culture, making it more
relevant than ever for today’s diverse students.

Of course, the fi h edition also contains all the latest research

and theory you come to expect within Reflect & Relate, including
gender equity and health, co-cultural communication and
intersectionality, sexual harassment, the impact of mobile devices
on trust and intimacy, anxiety and emotional contagion, the
neuroscience of sex differences, and how physical attractiveness
influences marital stability. Scores of new examples — the #MeToo
movement, The Mask You Live In, and Game of Thrones, to name a
few — will resonate with students and illustrate key concepts for
them. Meanwhile, the new Instructor’s Annotated Edition offers
more instructional support than ever before.

We are thrilled about all that Reflect & Relate, Fi h Edition, has to
offer you and your students, and we would love to hear what you
think about this new edition. Please feel free to drop us a line at
smcc911@uab.edu or kmmcc@uab.edu so that we can chat about
the book and the course, or just talk shop about teaching
interpersonal communication.
What’s New in the Fi h Edition?
The fi h edition of Reflect & Relate is cutting
edge and digital-forward, covering the most
important topics in interpersonal
communication and connecting them to digital
media.
A brand new chapter devoted exclusively to gender. As we
witness a transformation in the way our society understands
gender, Reflect & Relate, Fi h Edition, includes a new chapter
that addresses this vital topic. This chapter explains the
differences between sex, gender expression, and gender, and
also explores the ways we “do” gender in society and how our
understanding of gender is shi ing, along with the scholarly
viewpoints on gender and communication.
Updated coverage of culture in Chapter 5 and throughout the
text. The fi h edition has been updated to reflect current
conversation surrounding culture, with coverage of
intersectionality in Chapter 5 and an emphasis on embracing
cultural difference to dismantle perceived distance. Throughout
the text, new examples illustrate the influence of culture on self
and perception.
Updated coverage of mediated communication meets students
where they are: online. Our modes of communication are
changing. Whether via app, text, tweet, or note, learning
appropriate digital communication skills is vital to successful
 communication. Specific examples dedicated to mediated
communication help students refine and improve their daily
use of communication technologies.
Access to a new mobile-friendly video assessment program in
LaunchPad. With this powerful new video assessment program,
instructors can create video assignments in seconds, in which
students analyze video from YouTube to identify interpersonal
communication concepts in action. Alternatively, students can
upload their own videos or record them live, to act out how to
appropriately handle a communication scenario. For feedback,
students and instructors have multiple options for leaving
comments, including audio, video, text, or image content,
which can be posted side-by-side with the video. Additionally,
visual markers allow for pointing out key positive or negative
components of the video so that students can see these
markings mapped visually. Finally, and most conveniently,
videos can be recorded and uploaded directly into an
assignment via the Macmillan Mobile Video iOS/Android apps.

Reflect & Relate offers lots of new content in areas

that interest students the most.
Topics like multitasking online, the impact of mobile devices on
intimacy and disclosure, social media, and supportive
communication can be found in every chapter. This new content
reflects issues of concern for today’s students and represents the
very best scholarship within the field of interpersonal
communication.
Current, powerful stories and images hook students’ interest.
Reflect & Relate is full of new, current, and relatable examples
that students will want to read. The text and photo program are
pulled from pop culture — everything from Fresh Off the Boat
and Game of Thrones to Arrival and Ready Player One — as well
as current events and real stories from the authors and their
students, to provide content that resonates and is easy to show
and discuss in class.
New chapter openers feature a diverse group of contributors
who share compelling stories about the impact of
interpersonal communication in everyday life. They include a
discussion of Bennet Omalu whose pioneering research on CTE
heightened awareness of concussions in the NFL; a look at how
intercultural boundaries are overcome at St. Jude Children’s
Research Hospital; and the story of Merida’s transformation
from Brave star to Disney Princess — and the backlash that
resulted — revealing our changing notions of gender. The
chapter openers share appealing stories that students can look
to, learn from, and use to transform their own lives and
relationships.
Flagship Features
Reflect & Relate offers an accessible, innovative
look at the discipline.
Reflect & Relate presents a fresh perspective on interpersonal
communication. Discussions of classic and cutting-edge
scholarship from interpersonal communication, psychology,
sociology, philosophy, and linguistics are woven together.
Unlike other texts, Reflect & Relate continues to focus on how
these concepts are linked to interpersonal communication and
how communication skills can be improved.
Reflect & Relate balances current topics with classic
coverage. The text integrates coverage of social media,
workplace bullying, multitasking online, and other novel topics
with familiar subjects like self-awareness, conflict approaches,
and nonverbal communication codes.
Integrated discussions on culture and gender appear in every
chapter. Reflect & Relate treats individual and cultural
influences as integral parts of the story by discussing the myths
and realities of how gender, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation,
religion, and age shape communication.
Reflect & Relate offers clear explanations, engaging
examples, and an attractive art program. Truly a page-turner,
Reflect & Relate engages students’ interest with compelling
writing. Nearly every major concept is illustrated with examples
drawn from pop culture, history, current events, and everyday
life — examples that reflect the diversity of students themselves
 in terms of age, gender, lifestyle, occupation, and culture.
Meanwhile, the appealing and pedagogically sound art program
works with the examples to grab students’ attention and focus
them on the subject at hand.

Reflect & Relate helps students look more deeply

at themselves—and develop skills for a lifetime.
Self-Reflection questions foster critical self-awareness. Self-
awareness is essential for competent communication, and
carefully placed Self-Reflection questions show students how to
examine their own experiences and communication in light of
theory and research. As a result, students gain a better
understanding of concepts — such as emotional intelligence,
stereotyping, and relationship ethics — and of themselves.
Skills Practice exercises strengthen students’ abilities. Every
chapter includes three Skills Practice exercises — one devoted
to online communication — that give step-by-step instruction
on practical skills, such as appropriately self-disclosing and
interpreting nonverbal codes. Skills Practice activities are
specifically designed to make it easy for students to implement
them in their everyday lives.
Focus on Culture boxes and Self-Quiz exercises help students
gain knowledge about their own communication. Focus on
Culture boxes challenge students to think about how the
influence of their own culture shapes their communication.
Rooted in research, Self-Quiz exercises help students analyze
 their strengths and weaknesses so that they can focus on how to
improve their communication.

Reflect & Relate helps students improve their

relationships.
Romantic, family, friend, and workplace relationships are
explored. Tailoring communication strategies to specific
relationships is both essential and challenging, so Reflect &
Relate devotes four full chapters to these key communication
contexts, giving students in-depth knowledge along with
practical strategies for using communication to improve their
relationships. Special emphasis is given to relationship
maintenance — a key relational concern many students bring to
the classroom.
Unique Making Relationship Choices case studies take
application to a new level. These activities challenge students
to draw on their knowledge when facing difficult relationship
issues and to create their own solutions. Instead of just asking
students, “What would you do?” or offering them solutions,
Making Relationship Choices walk students step-by-step
through realistic scenarios — critically self-reflecting,
considering others’ perspectives, determining best outcomes,
and identifying potential roadblocks — to make informed
communication decisions. They then have the opportunity to
experience “the other side” of the story by going online to
watch a first-person account of the situation. Becoming aware
of both sides of the story allows students to reevaluate their
initial reaction and response.
A Multifaceted Digital Experience
Brings It All Together
LaunchPad helps students learn, study, and apply
communication concepts.
Digital resources for Reflect & Relate are available in LaunchPad, a
dynamic platform that combines a collection of relevant video clips,
self-assessments, e-book content, and LearningCurve adaptive
quizzing in a simple design. LaunchPad can be packaged with
Reflect & Relate, or it can be purchased separately.

Making Relationship Choices videos help students see “the

other side” of the scenario, helping them develop empathy.
LearningCurve provides adaptive quizzing and a personalized
learning program. In every chapter, call-outs prompt students
to tackle the game-like LearningCurve quizzes to test their
knowledge and reinforce learning of the material. Based on
research as to how students learn, LearningCurve motivates
students to engage with course materials, while the reporting
tools let you see what content students have mastered, allowing
you to adapt your teaching plan to their needs.
LaunchPad videos help students see concepts in action and
encourage self-reflection. Videos help students see theory in
action, while accompanying reflection questions help them
apply it to their own experiences. More than 70 video activities
are easily assignable and make useful journal prompts or
discussion starters. For ideas on how to integrate videos into
your course, see the Instructor’s Annotated Edition and the
Instructor’s Resource Manual. To access the videos, and for a
complete list of available clips, see the last page of this book or
visit macmillanhighered.com/reflectrelate4e.
A new video assessment program makes it easy to create
assignments and evaluate videos. The functionality of the
video assessment program enables instructors to create video
assignments. Instructors and students can add video, use time-
based comments to discuss video, and assess video using
rubrics.
Digital and Print Formats
Whether it’s print, digital, or a value option, choose the best format
for you. For more information on these resources, please visit the
online catalog at macmillanlearning.com/reflectrelate5e.

LaunchPad for Reflect & Relate dramatically enhances

teaching and learning. LaunchPad combines the full e-book,
videos, quizzes and self-assessments, instructor’s resources,
and LearningCurve adaptive quizzing. For access to all
multimedia resources, package LaunchPad with the print
version of Reflect & Relate, or order LaunchPad on its own.
The Loose-leaf Edition of Reflect & Relate features the print
text in a convenient, budget-priced format, designed to fit into
any three-ring binder. The loose-leaf version also can be
packaged with LaunchPad for a small additional cost.
Reflect & Relate is available as a print text. To get the most out
of the book, package LaunchPad with the text.
E-books. Reflect & Relate is available as an e-book for use on
computers, tablets, and e-readers. See
macmillanlearning.com/ebooks to learn more.
You want to give your students affordable rental, packaging, and
e-book options. So do we. Learn more at
store.macmillanlearning.com.
Customize Reflect & Relate using Bedford Select for
Communication. Create the ideal textbook for your course with
only the chapters you need. You can rearrange chapters, delete
unnecessary chapters, and add your own original content to
create just the book you’re looking for. With Bedford Select,
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