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UNPLANNED

_______________________________________

UNSTOPPABLE #4

DANIELLE HILL

Copyright © 2022 Danielle Hill

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, resold, or

distributed in any form, or by any electronic or mechanical means,
without

permission in writing from the author, except for brief quotations

within a review. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or

distribute it by any other means without permission.

This book is a work of fiction.

Names, characters, businesses, organisations, places, events, and
incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used
in a

fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,

is entirely coincidental.

Danielle Hill asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of

this work.

Cover Designer: Angela Haddon Cover Designs

Editing: Magnolia Author Services

For all the happy accidents who turned out to be the best thing that
ever happened to someone.

Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Epilogue

What to Read Next?

Stay In Touch

Also by Danielle Hill

About the Author

Acknowledgements

Prologue

___________________

NOVA

"CLOSE YOUR EYES, Nova! Close your eyes!"

Hands folded around my face, yanking me backward, the sound of

rapid breaths and a pounding

heart made louder by the loss of my sight.

"Oh, god. No... no," my mother whimpered over my head.

"Momma?"

"It's okay, Nova," she rasped, her voice frayed.

She didn't sound okay. She sounded sad or scared. Or both. "It's...
it's okay. Just keep your eyes
closed. Just keep—oh, God. Just… keep ‘em closed—"

Her voice cracked on a broken sound I’d never heard from her
before as she edged us backward. I

wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to see what was making her cry,
and then I wanted to tell her

everything was going to be alright.

Because I'd heard Momma cry lots of times before.

I'd seen her rage and yell. Fall to her knees and dig brittle fingernails
into the threadbare carpet as

she screamed at the top of her lungs and tears spilled over her face.

I’d seen her laughing like she might never stop, too, her entire body
shaking with it. Or her tawny

hair and amber eyes wild as she chased me around the house and
made me squeal.

And sometimes… sometimes I’d seen her staring at the wall, making
no sound at all. Her down

days. That’s what she called them. Days where she was there, but
not really. Where she didn’t even

look at me as she shoved a box of broken crayons and some torn

sheets of paper into my hands. She’d

put her head under the comforter without saying a word and stay
there until I turned and left the room.

She’d stay in bed all day on those days. Until the sky turned dark.

But I didn’t disturb her. Not on those days.

I’d smother my belly with a pillow when it grumbled. When it
became too loud to ignore and my

stomach began to ache, I’d tiptoe to the kitchen. Clamber up onto

the counter to grab my favorite

cereal, then eat it straight from the box with my eyes fixed to the
cartoons playing on mute behind the

cracked screen of our TV.

Because when Momma was being quiet, I was supposed to be quiet.

Until she was ready to talk

again.

I’d heard every one of her sounds.

The good ones. The bad ones. Even the ones that didn't make any
noise.

But I'd never heard this sound.

This broken one.

"Momma," I said again, louder this time, my voice small but

insistent.

Her grip tightened, fingers squeezing around my head until it hurt. I

reached up to pull them away.

She fought me, crying. Holding on to me tighter as her body shook

with big, wracking sobs that

vibrated through my back.

Her hands slipped, moving until they covered my nose and mouth,
cutting off my air. My chest
shuddered with panicked breaths. My heart raced.

Then it got darker, and she was falling to her knees with me in her
arms.

My fingernails scratched at her flesh until she snatched her hand

away with a hiss and I tumbled

from her lap, landing hard on my elbows.

Sweeping clumps of tangled hair back from my face, I scrambled to

my knees and blinked twirling

spots of color from my eyes until I could see again.

First, I saw Momma. Cross-legged on the floor with her hands

clutching at her hair. She rocked.

Forward and back. Her make-up-smeared face pale as she stared at

something above my head, her

wide golden eyes filled with tears. And horror.

I frowned. Then turned…

"No! Don't Nov—" she screamed, reaching for me too late.

Much too late.

This time when she grabbed me and pulled me into her chest, when
everything went black and my

heartbeat pounded like an unstoppable train in my ears, I stayed

there. I clasped my hands tight around

her bony body, my fingers clutching the worn fabric of her tank, as I
pressed my face into her and tried
to make it go away. I squeezed my eyelids as tight as they would go,
hoping, hoping… yet knowing

somehow that no length of time would ever erase that image.

What I didn’t know, as my mom wrapped me up in her thin arms

and tried to shield me from the

harsh realities of our life, was that was the last time she’d ever try to
protect me from anything.

Including her.

Chapter One

___________________________

NOVA

“MOM?”

The house was too quiet as I climbed the stairs and made my way
down the hall, the soles of my

sneakers soft against the laminate floor. I stopped at the last door
and nudged it open. The empty room

confirmed my suspicions, causing my shoulders to sag with an all-

too familiar sense of

disappointment.

The rumpled bedsheets still bore the imprint of her body, but a hand
to the fabric found it cold to

the touch, telling me everything I needed to know.

Long gone. She’d probably taken off minutes after I did this
morning, her addiction winning out

over her desire to get clean, or any maternal affection she once had
for her only child. I lowered to

the floor with a weary sigh, the crushing weight of defeat draping
heavily across my shoulders like a

cast-iron blanket.

My head sank bank into the wall with a dull thud, while guilt settled
like an anchor in my gut,

spearing me to the floor. There was no escape from it, even knowing
I couldn’t do or give any more

than I already had.

My mother was a lost cause I couldn’t figure out how to quit

fighting.

When she’d turned up a few days ago and begged for my help, I’d
dropped everything. Taken off

work to stay by her side, hoping this time would be different from all
the others, even while trying to

steel myself for the inevitable.

Now she was gone again, and honestly, I should have been numb to
it.

The gripping ache in my chest and lump blocking my throat

suggested otherwise, though. I

swallowed over them, but the tell-tale sting of frustrated tears

behind my eyelids prompted me to
crush my hands into fists and jam them against my eye sockets.

Don’t cry, Nova. Don’t you dare cry.

Even if I couldn’t bring myself to give up on her, I couldn’t allow her

to drag me down into the

gaping hole of despair she left behind in her wake every time she
skipped town, either.

Every couple of months, she’d show up. Usually because she needed
something. Money I didn’t

have, a place to stay. Sometimes she’d stick around for a week or

two, a month at most. Then I’d

wake up to find her gone. Until the next time.

A never-ending cycle. Around and around, we went.

But every now and then, she’d come home and ask for help. Swear
she wanted to get clean. The

cynical side of my brain told me nothing would change, that we’d

heard it all before, but despite

everything, the dreamer in me had yet to die.

So, when she asked for help, I was powerless to deny her.

Hope had a way of holding the impossible up in just the right light to
make it look achievable, all

the while knowing she was about to rip out your heart and squeeze
it to mulch between her fingers.

“Nova?”
I pushed to my feet at the sound of the front door closing, brushing
my hands over my cheeks to

wipe my face bare.

“Nov?”

“In here,” I called, lifting my head to the sound of approaching

footsteps.

Maura appeared in the doorway a second later, dressed in a pair of

light wash skinny jeans and a

thin black sweater. Her blond brows closed together upon finding the
space empty, and then…

resignation.

A split second. That’s how quickly hope could die.

We’d been waiting for it. We always were.

“She’s gone,” Maura stated flatly, her pale-blue gaze finding mine.

I cleared my throat with a curt nod. “Looks like it.”

“Did she take anything?”

I shrugged a shoulder, glancing around the room. “Nothing

important.”

We’d long since learned to make sure not to leave money or

valuables where my mom could get her

hands on them. Not that we had much of value lying around the
house, anyway. But if it could be sold,

and wasn’t nailed down, she’d take it.

“Nov—” Maura began, but I cut her off with a firm shake of my head
and walked over to the bed.

With a silent nod, she joined me, wordlessly helping to strip the
sheets from the mattress and erase

all traces of my mother from the room. My room. My bed. The same
one I’d camped beside on the

floor, so I’d be close to my mother if she needed me. Close enough

to wipe her brow with a damp

cloth, clean her vomit, and quiet her desperate cries as the
symptoms of withdrawal ravaged her

body.

Pain bloomed in my chest as I pictured her face streaked with tears,

her weathered skin clammy as

I’d wrapped my arms around her convulsing body. The moment

she’d looked me straight in the eyes

and begged me to end it. I shuttered my lids and shook it away.

I could feel Maura’s eyes on me as we worked, heavy with concern

in my periphery, but this was

far from our first rodeo. As my mom’s best friend since childhood
and the woman who’d stepped up

when my mom had checked out, Maura Jacobson had been there
through almost all of it. She knew

words were worthless. All the platitudes in the world couldn’t alter
reality, or the harsh truth of it.
My mom would either come back one day and finally get clean, or
she wouldn’t. And we both

knew what that meant.

Taking the material from Maura’s hand, I bundled it into a tight ball
against my stomach as I stared

at the unmade bed and wondered if there would be a next time. Or

if this was the time she’d stay

away for good, and we’d never see her again.

The selfish thought I failed to bury—that sometimes I just wished it

was over so we wouldn’t have

to live in this constant state of limbo—compressed the air within my

lungs. A black shadow of

remorse that wrapped around my throat like phantom fingers, until I

couldn’t take a full breath and

darkness pooled around the edges of my vision.

Because our truth was inescapable.

It didn’t matter how much I wanted to; I couldn’t save my mother

from herself.

Some days, it was all I could do to hope she wouldn’t take me down
with her.

Chapter Two

___________________________

NOVA
I RAISED A brow over the bar, spearing Jake with a blank look until
he did as requested and

filled the shot glass to the brim with tequila.

“You’re gonna get my ass fired,” he muttered, sliding the drink

toward me.

I picked it up and threw it back, wincing lightly as the liquid hit the
back of my throat. Then I set

the glass back down on the scuffed surface.

“Oh, please.” My best friend, Gabriella Murphy, dropped onto the bar
stool beside me. “Half the

people in here are underage.”

Jake faced her and tipped his chin. “Yeah, but I know you two are.”

Gaby arched a near-black eyebrow. “That’s got nothing to do with it

and you know it. You just

can’t get your head around the fact we’re not fourteen anymore.”

Jake narrowed his dark-green eyes but refrained from responding to

the accusation. Instead, he

retrieved the empty glass and held it up. “You’re both done.”

Gaby scowled as Jake made his way to the other side of the bar to
serve a bunch of rowdy students.

My gaze trailed around the room, taking in the few familiar, but
mostly unfamiliar faces. I’d attended

Lakeview University for two years, but hadn’t been too heavily
involved in the social aspect of
college. With a GPA to maintain and bills to pay, partying wasn’t
exactly a regular occurrence for me.

Situated a short walk from Lakeview U, though, the town I grew up

in drew a big college crowd

and Harvey’s was notorious for serving almost anyone with a fake
ID. Which was probably why the

place was rammed with students returning to school after summer

break in preparation for classes

starting up next week.

The doors swung open, and I watched three guys walk through. One
short, with a shock of stark red

hair and a heavy smattering of similarly colored freckles. The second

had light brown hair with a

long, narrow build. My gaze strayed to the third guy and narrowed
on his face. Tall with a wide frame

and rumpled dirty-blonde hair that looked like either he or someone

else had spent all day pushing

their fingers through it. He weaved his way through the crowd with a
confident swagger that should

not have been as sexy as it was.

“How are you holding up?” Gaby asked, pulling my attention back.

Blonde guy forgotten, I cleared my throat as the events of the past

few days re-surfaced with a

vengeance. Apparently, the numbing effect of the alcohol had yet to

kick in.
“I’m fine.”

“Nov.” Gaby sighed. “It’s me. Put on a front for everyone else if you
have to, but not with me.”

I swallowed, feeling my throat constrict.

Gaby—all five feet nothing of her with enviable curves and a squat-
honed behind people would

pay a skilled surgeon a crap ton of money for—had never let me

hide. Not even from the beginning.

Back in freshman year of high school, when I’d carried a chip on my

shoulder the size of a small

crater and a backpack housing a lifetime’s worth of bad memories,

she’d forced her way into my life

when all I’d wanted to do was spend my days fading away into
obscurity.

Somehow, she’d sensed I needed someone before I knew it myself. I

doubt I’d ever have admitted

it.

Life taught me at an early age not to rely on anyone. The less you
expected, the harder it was for

people to let you down. But over the years Gaby had proved she
was here to stay, and I’d be forever

grateful to the little girl with the uber shiny black hair and her
dogged persistence. Glad she’d

continued to plonk herself down beside me every day at lunch, hand

me one of her mom’s homemade
cookies, then regale me with endless commentary about her life,
despite the fact it took me two

months to build up the courage to respond.

“I know,” I murmured, lowering my gaze to the bar where the blunt

edge of my un-manicured

fingernail scratched at the chipped surface. At Gaby’s continued

silence, I shrugged. “There’s nothing

really to say, Gabs.” Nothing we hadn’t said a hundred times before.

“Just because you expect someone to hurt you doesn’t mean you
don’t still feel the pain, Nov. It

doesn’t mean you don’t still need to talk about it, either. As strong as
you are, you’re only human.”

My hand stilled for a beat, a ripple of emotion rendering me mute,

motionless.

“You know I’m here for you, right?”

Concerned brown eyes awaited mine when I finally glanced up. I

drew in a breath before offering

her a faint smile. “Of course.”

“Good.” She squeezed my hand, the edges of her black bob gliding
over her shoulders as she

nodded. “When or if you’re ready, I’m all ears.”

My lips curved a fraction higher, before I tapped my fingers against

the bar and brought my head up

to catch Jake’s attention. Who was clearly ignoring me.

“What I really need,” I muttered, “is tequila.”

Gaby chuckled beside me, her hand briefly rubbing my arm before
she cupped her palms either

side of her mouth and screeched, “Jake! Get that cute ass over
here!”

I laughed when Jake’s mouth pinched in at the sides. His shadowed

jaw rolled as he sauntered back

over and planted both palms down on the bar in front of us, one
dark eyebrow raised.

“What now?”

“That’s a shocking attitude for someone in the service industry,

Jacob,” Gaby admonished. Then,

without missing a beat, she sucked her lower lip between her teeth
and dipped forward until Jake’s

gaze landed exactly where she wanted it.

Four years older than us, Jacob Marsden dated Gaby’s cousin Rina
throughout high school, until

Rina moved to Texas for college six years ago and never came back.
He was friends with Gaby’s

older sister, Eva, too. Along with Rina, they’d all belonged to the
same social circle in high school.

Which meant Jake had always seen Gaby as the baby. A fact she’d
bemoaned for as long as I’d

known her, mostly because she’d been crushing on Jake since she
was fourteen. Something she’d
never made a secret of. In fact, she’d boldly proclaimed at Eva’s high
school graduation party that

Jake could do better than her cousin. Without an ounce of timidity,

she’d told him when he realized

that himself in a few years’ time, he’d know where to find her.

Jake had laughed off the numerous advances from our overconfident
little sass queen over the

years. But by the time he’d returned home from college, Gaby had
turned eighteen, developed killer

curves and an even more lethal attitude, and suddenly, Jake wasn’t
as unaffected as he used to be. Not

that he’d voiced the opinion or overstepped the invisible mark that
existed between them. Just meant

he wanted to.

Jake straightened, running a palm over the scruff along his jawline
as he cleared his throat and tried

to peel his eyes from Gaby’s ample cleavage.

“Come on, Jake,” Gaby simpered, lowering her voice to a throaty

whisper. “We’ve got fake IDs

like everyone else here. Just pretend you don’t know us for one
night. Please?”

His throat worked as he swallowed, and when his forest green gaze
rose to my best friend’s rich

brown one, something flickered across his eyes that suggested he

wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of
them both being someone else for the night. Amused, I wagged my
head and wondered how much

longer they’d dance around each other before Jake finally gave in to
what they clearly wanted.

“Fine,” Jake muttered as he grabbed the tequila bottle. Without

breaking eye contact, he tossed it up

to spin through the air, caught it upside down by the neck in his
right hand, then filled two glasses to

the brim, and slid them across the bar in one fluid motion.

The breathy sound that spilled from Gaby’s mouth tugged Jake’s lips
up into a cocky half-smirk. He

turned with a wink and sauntered away.

“Fuck,” Gaby breathed, heavy-lidded and flushed. “I think he just

made me come without laying a

finger on me.”

I reached for the shot glass. “Doesn’t he do that every night?”

A playful elbow nudged my side. “Keep your voice down.”

“Oh, please.” I scoffed before swallowing the tequila. “Like he

doesn’t already know.”

“Probably,” she conceded with a shrug, then downed her shot and
winced. “I’m just wondering

when the fuck he’s ever going to do anything about it.”

My mouth curved into a sympathetic smile as my best friend

slammed the glass down on the
polished wood with a bang. I had more than enough problems of my
own to contend with, but for

tonight, I was content to focus on someone else’s.

Chapter Three

_______________________________

NOVA

“NO MEANS NO, Gabriella.”

“Why are you being such a dick, Jacob?” Gaby raised her brows and
leaned forward over the bar.

“Because it’ll be me who ends up carrying your drunk ass home,

that’s why.”

Gaby pushed up as Jake dipped down onto his forearms, putting

them mere inches apart. “And

would that be such a bad thing?”

Jake stared at her for a moment, his eyes running over her face and
pausing briefly on her mouth.

“You know it would, Gabriella.”

Gaby bit down on her lower lip, her eyes hooding. “You don’t know
what you’re missing, Jakey.”

Jake’s jaw flexed, his fingers rolling into loose fists on top of the bar.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” I muttered, finally reaching my limit after

watching them flirt like a couple of
horny high schoolers for three hours. “Just screw each other
already.”

Jake jumped back like I’d slapped him, then cleared his throat
roughly and stalked away.

“Uh... what was that?” Gaby asked.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, rubbing two fingers against my forehead. “The

sexual tension was just… a

lot.”

“He’s interested, right?” Gaby spun to me but kept her eyes on Jake.
“Tell me I’m not imagining it.”

“Oh, he’s interested. He’s been interested since he came home.

Whether he’ll act on it is another

matter.”

“Should I push it? There’s his past with Rina, and he still harps on
about my goddamn age. It’s like

he can’t stop seeing me as the gap-toothed kid with scuffed knees

and pigtails.”

I shrugged, hopping down from the bar stool. “First, Rina doesn’t
even live here anymore, and she

hasn’t for years. Not to mention she dumped Jake via text six
months after moving to Texas. Second,

he thought you were too young when you tried to kiss him at your
sweet sixteenth. Believe me, he

does not see a little girl with pigtails when he looks at you now. I’m
pretty sure I know exactly what
he sees. There’s a big difference between hooking up with a sixteen-
year-old girl when you’re twenty

and hooking up with a twenty-year-old knockout when you’re

twenty-four. And the man knows it.”

Gaby’s eyes sparkled. “So, you’re saying I should go for it?”

I laughed. “Babe, you’ve been going for it since you hit puberty.”

She spun to me with a brow arched and a devious glint in her dark-
chocolate eyes. “Oh, he ain’t

seen nothing yet.”

With an amused head shake, I hopped down and made my way to

the bathroom, reaching for my

phone when it buzzed in my pocket.

As soon as I saw Maura’s name flash up on the screen, I hesitated to

answer.

Maura knew I was out tonight. She was the one who encouraged me
to forget all the other crap and

act like some carefree Lakeview student for a few hours. Before
school started up again next week

and I wouldn’t have time for much besides studying, tutoring, and
work.

So, here I was, acting like a normal twenty-year-old, as if I didn’t

have an addict for a mother who

kept ripping my heart out, or an academic scholarship I couldn’t

afford to screw up.
Which meant Maura wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency, and
for us, emergencies only ever

involved one person.

Head down, I pushed through the bathroom door and watched the
call ring out. My chest rose

painfully, heart pounding as I waited for it to start up again. A

minute later, a text came through, and I

paused briefly before swiping the message open.

Maura: Sorry to call Nov. I don’t want to spoil your night

with Gaby, but Benny just called to

tell me they picked Britt up an hour ago for shoplifting and

she’s down at Lakeview Police

Station. I wanted you to hear it from me in case anyone

caught wind of it. Don’t worry about it

for tonight, though. They won’t press charges and she’s

sleeping it off in a cell. We can sort

everything in the morning. Forget it all for tonight and have

fun, hon xx

I stared at the message for a few seconds, unblinking.

Benny was a cop who’d moved to Lakeview from Pennsylvania five

years ago. He and Maura

started dating about six months after he arrived. I’d lost count of the
number of times he’d picked my

mom up off the street out of a pool of her own vomit. Or arrested
her for petty theft, or driving under
the influence, then let her sleep it off in a cell.

She’d left this morning, but she hadn’t gone far.

Not far enough.

The bitter thought crept into my head from the murky pits of my
battered soul like a bucketful of

ice-cold water, throwing me off guard and sending a flood of

emotion rushing up my throat. I had a

goddamn right to those fleeting thoughts, however harsh they were,

and I knew I did. Yet every single

one hit like a hammer blow to the gut. Every damn time.

I fastened a palm to my mouth to curb the rolling sob before it had

the chance to break free, just as

the bathroom door burst open and slammed against the wall. My
breath caught when the blonde guy

I’d seen earlier walked through. He took two steps before lifting his
gaze, then pulled up short at the

sight of me. He blinked a few times before stepping back to yank the
door open again. Glancing

quickly at the sign, he frowned, then tapped a finger against the

wood.

“Uh... you a dude, or what?”

“What?”

Hazel-green eyes ran a path over my face, then down the length of
my body, lingering on the tight-
fitted logo tee stretched across my breasts for a few seconds too
long.

“Do you mind?” I snapped, pulling the pervert’s attention back to my

face.

“I do not.” His lips kicked up on one side as he continued his perusal

with a slow head wag, his

gaze dropping to where my high waisted leggings molded to the

shape of my lower abdomen.

“Definitely not a dude. Which means you’re in the wrong bathroom,

sweetheart.”

“What?” I repeated, disoriented.

Without missing a beat, blonde guy tapped the door front again.
“This bathroom is for people with

dicks. Unless you have yours wedged up your ass…”

I glanced at the sign with a frown, noting he was right.

“Ladies is down the hall.”

I nodded, staring at the door, my phone a ten-pound brick sitting

heavily in my palm. I knew where

the lady’s room was. I’d been coming to Harvey’s for years.

“Okay. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a shit ton of beer
and my bladder’s about to

burst, so…”

Blonde guy let the door fall shut and his sentence fall away as he
moved toward the urinal I hadn’t
noticed. Probably because I was too busy reading about my mom
being locked up. Again.

The woman who’d ran out on me this morning after I’d taken three
days off work to help her.

Whose brow I’d mopped, whose vomit I’d cleaned. The woman who
made me believe her empty

promises time and time again.

Who’d given up and left the first chance she got, so she could go get
high.

Who’d rather shoot up than stay with her daughter.

Who’d—

“You’re just gonna watch me piss?”

My gaze cut across the room, but I couldn’t find my voice. It was
smothered somewhere beneath

the landslide of raw pain I was desperately trying to keep a lid on.

I just needed a minute to work through it.

I just needed… god, just one damn night.

One night.

With a shrug, blonde guy spun to the wall, fiddled with the zip on his
dark wash jeans, then

presumably took out his dick and peed. All while I stood mute,
staring at his back with my heart
pounding in my ears, and my shitty world caving down on top of me.
Suffocating me soundlessly.

I felt invisible. Like I was drowning. Thrashing and screaming for

help, but no one could hear me.

No one could see me. I flinched when a face appeared in front of

mine, and I suddenly found myself

staring into a set of mossy-green eyes, streaked with browns and

golds and ambers, like swirls of

color on a painter’s canvas.

“Hey? You okay?”

My heartbeat slowed.

Okay?

Most days. Yeah. Today…?

Even after years of therapy, my mother could still show up out of the
blue and throw my entire

existence into turmoil.

Dark blonde brows closed together as the guy waited for a response.
I blinked up into his eyes for

another silent second before shaking my head no.

I didn’t know the person standing in front of me. Would probably

never see him again. If I was

going to fall apart, let all my crazy-glued pieces scatter across the
bathroom floor, this was the place
to do it. A moment of awkwardness with someone I didn’t know
beat the litany of questions and looks

of concern I’d face from Gaby or Maura if I had a mini breakdown in

front of either of them. They

didn’t need to worry. I was okay. Or, at least, I would be okay. Soon.
Again. Just… not right now.

“Should I call someone?”

Startled, I blinked when blonde guy bent at the knees and aligned
our faces. Our gazes pulled

together like magnets, and when gentle fingers touched my face, a

sudden spark of awareness fired

through me like a bullet.

Or maybe a meteor shooting across a pitch-black sky. A tiny streak

of light illuminating the dark.

My stomach clenched with something that felt worlds away from the
sinking sensation of defeat,

and I was gripped with an intense urge to chase it. Somewhere

rattling around in my murky brain, a

voice urging me to stop and think went ignored.

Because I’d wasted half my life thinking. For once, I wanted to do

the opposite of think.

I wanted to act on impulse. Be young and free. Stupid and reckless.

My eyes flickered over the handsome face hovering inches from

mine, crinkled with confusion. The
chiseled features and angular jawline. Mussed blonde hair, and the
kaleidoscope of fall colors

churning in his narrowed eyes.

He would be the perfect distraction. A life raft in unforgiving waters.

I could break apart in his

strong arms, and he wouldn’t even have to know he was keeping me

together.

Tomorrow, I’d succumb to reality. I always did. Tonight, though, I

just wanted to escape it.

I needed something to cling on to until I found the strength to swim.

My lungs inflated, then fell, words tumbling from my lips in a spill of

warm air. “Do you have a

girlfriend?”

A set of thick blonde eyebrows drew inward. “What?”

“Are you in a relationship with someone?”

“Uhh, no…?”

I took a step back and flicked the lock on the bathroom door.

“Are you into women?” I held his gaze, and he arched a brow.

“Fuck, yes.”

Sawing my teeth into my bottom lip, I glanced down. My heart

pounded as nervousness slid through

me like hot treacle. I wasn’t a virgin, but this wasn’t me. I’d never
propositioned a total stranger in a
bathroom before. The last person I’d slept with was a guy from my
statistics class almost a year ago,

and that had just kind of happened.

Like most things happened to me.

But this right here was something I could control. Something I could
choose and dictate and decide.

A decision I could make on my own terms, in a world where it

sometimes felt like everything was

spinning just beyond my reach.

My mother had been leaving me for as long as I could remember. I’d

hardened myself to it, but I

might never truly be okay with it. Acceptance was the only option
available to me.

This would be my choice. A way to take my mind off my problems

that I could forget all about

tomorrow and never have to think about again. They said to act like
a typical college student? Well,

this was about as close as I was ever going to get.

Looking up through my lashes, I blew out a breath. “Are you into

me?”

“The fuck...?” He swept a hand through his blonde hair while I

stared up at him.

Without giving myself time to consider what I was about to do, I

reached for the bottom of my shirt
and tugged it over my head.

“Shit!”

Face and voice expressionless, I stood in front of him and waited.

Confusion mixed with desire in his hazel-green eyes as they volleyed

back and forth between my

face and bra-covered breasts.

“Okay,” he choked, swiping a hand over his face. “I’ve got no idea
what’s going on here.”

“Just… kiss me,” I breathed, bringing his head up sharply.

Maybe girls weren’t usually this direct. Maybe I was doing this all
wrong. Who the hell knew? I

just knew I was standing in a bathroom on the verge of drowning,

and I needed someone to save me

without knowing what they were doing, or why.

“What?”

“I just...” I paused, the unfamiliar experience of being so openly

vulnerable forcing my eyes shut.

“Just… make me feel something. Something else. Please.”

His head dipped as my voice cracked, two big palms moving to close
around my face.

“Look, I’m a guy. You’re standing here in your underwear asking me

to kiss you so I’m hard as fuck
and it’s taking literally everything I have not to bend you over and
pound you into that wall, but... I

honestly don’t know if that’s what you really want or need.”

To my embarrassment, tears seeped from between my closed lids

and spilled over my cheeks.

“Hey. Fuck. I... uh...”

“It’s fine.” I spun away and reached for my discarded top. “I

shouldn’t have assumed you’d want

to.”

“Shit. It’s not because I don’t want to. Believe me,” he said, coming
around to take my wrist.

“You’re seriously hot. Your tits—damn. In my head, I’ve made you

come three times already.”

A strangled laugh rose in my throat, falling from me as I lifted my

watery gaze to his. “You’re

everything I need… for a few minutes.”

He stilled, his eyes sweeping between mine, that cut jawline rolling
with indecision. “How drunk

are you?”

I shook my head. “I know what I’m doing.”

“How old?”

“Twenty. You done asking questions?”

He smirked. “Not yet. You usually ask random guys to kiss you in the
bathroom?”

“First time.”

His eyes widened. “First time?”

“First time I’ve done this,” I clarified, waving a finger between us.
“Not my first time having sex.”

His eyebrows knitted. “Why me?”

I swallowed and looked down at my feet. “Why not?”

He was silent for a long time before he asked, “What happened to

you?”

Just like that, tears pricked again. Tears I’d spent years getting
under control. I looked up at him

through them, practically begging when I murmured, “For one night,

I just want to forget all about it.”

He nodded once, blinked. Nodded again. Then he stepped forward

and grabbed the sides of my

face.

We met in a kiss of quiet desperation, his mouth providing the

escape I needed as his tongue swept

over the seam of my lips and plunged inside. We didn’t speak as we

stumbled back into the wall,

working our pants loose until his cleared his ass cheeks and he
roughly dragged mine off.
One muscular arm banded around my waist, hiking me up off the
ground as I wound my legs around

his hips. He eased back to reach between us, holding me in place

with his lower body as his gaze

locked onto mine, and his fingers hooked around the fabric of my
panties.

“This is what you want?” he asked, voice rough, eyes sweeping

between mine. I nodded, breathing

raggedly as he ran his tongue over his lips. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” I breathed, sensing he needed to hear the word.

His fingers slipped beneath the fabric.

“You’re wet,” he rasped, skimming the tip of a lazy thumb through

my folds.

I dragged in a breath, nodding blindly as my core clenched.

His jaw pulsed as he removed his hand, grabbed a packet from his
pocket and put it to his mouth.

He tore it open with his teeth before handing it to me and settling

both palms under my ass. I reached

down to slide it over his length, then placed my hands on his

shoulders and held my breath.

He rolled forward slowly, nudging me just once, then paused and

pulled back.

“Wait. What’s your name?”

“What?” I gasped with a frown, wriggling my lower body to get the
friction back.

“Your name? You have one, right?”

“Do I need one?” I clipped, frustration and need coiling through me.
So close. He was so goddamn

close.

“Kind of thought everyone needed one.”

I huffed out a breath. “Do I need one for you to screw me?”

He tipped his head, eyes thinning a little. He stared at me a while

longer, then shrugged with a

muttered “guess not,” and drove into me in one smooth thrust.

My head fell back with a relieved cry as soon as he filled me,

meeting the brick wall with a thud I

barely felt as every muscle spiraled tight with need.

Need. I needed this. I needed to be somewhere else.

Wherever he could take me for a few minutes.

My eyes closed, and my head spun. Then he pulled back and drove
forward again, slamming my

back into the wall. My lids shot open when he pressed into me and
placed his lips to my ear, his

voice a delicious rasp that curled through every cell in my body.

“My name’s Danny.” His breath heated my skin. “Just so you know
what to scream.”
My mouth parted on a gasp as his hips drew back, then forward
again, spearing me. Sensation

sparked a path through my bloodstream, building until my muscles

quivered and my head spun. I

clasped on tight to his broad shoulders as he pounded me into the

wall in relentless thrusts, just like

he’d promised. Then, for some unknown reason, I heard myself

blurting into his shoulder, “Nova.”

“What?” he grunted, pulling back to look at me without pausing his

motions.

“Nova,” I choked again, my eyes squeezing closed as another wave

of pleasure rocketed through

me. “My name’s Nova.”

“Huh.” He caught my face with one hand, his lower body rocking as
he said, “Nova what?”

“What?” I swung my head from side to side, catching my lip

between my teeth as a wall of

sensation crashed into me.

“Nova what? Scotia? Super? What are you named after?”

Opening my eyes halfway, I parted my lips in a soft cry. “Why do I

have to be named after

something?”

He lifted a shoulder, then slammed forward again with a grunt. “You

don’t.” His brows pulled
down, lids heavy as he chased down his release.

When he went to open his mouth again, probably to ask more inane
questions, I swooped forward

and covered it with mine, driving my tongue between his lips. With
one more brush of his hard pelvis

against the pulsing bundle of nerves between my thighs, I blasted

apart around him, crying out into his

mouth, and biting down on his lower lip as my body squeezed his.
Less than a second later, his

jerking hips pinned me to the wall while he ground into the space
between my thighs.

Open-mouthed, we poured silent cries into each other as we rode

out the waves of ecstasy cresting

between us, then finally stilled.

My heartbeat raged in my ears as I dropped my head into the crook

of his sweat-covered throat,

still wrapped tightly around his body while he pulsed inside me.

And that’s when it hit me what I’d just done.

That and the realization that eventually, I was going to have to look
at him. Talk to him. This perfect

stranger I’d had sex with in the bathroom at Harvey’s, after failing to
drown my sorrows with tequila.

What the hell did you say to someone you’d never met before but
had let screw you up against a
dirty bathroom wall?

Oh. My. God. What did you do, Nova?

“Shit. That was...” Danny started, then stopped, seemingly lost for
words.

I gulped over the burning lump of humiliation forming in my chest

and lowered my feet to the floor,

averting my gaze when he slipped out of me. Easing from his hold, I
turned my back and scrambled to

collect my clothes from the floor, stepping silently into them. With a
quick finger comb of my hair, I

collected it into a ponytail, then stared at the back of the door while
he discarded the condom in the

bin.

“Hey,” Danny murmured, coming up behind me. He didn’t touch me,

but I felt the heat coming off of

his body, so I knew how close he was.

I cleared my throat and backed up a few steps, turning to face him

as I reached the door and flicked

the lock open.

His brow lifted, idle amusement dancing in his hazel-green eyes. “Do
I get your number?”

I caught my lip and shook my head. “No.”

A laugh snorted from him. “Fuck, I feel so used.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open, meeting his gaze as I
said, “Thanks.”

He dipped his head with a wink. “Anytime, Princess.”

“There won’t be another time,” I tossed over my shoulder, then

walked out without looking back.

His low chuckle followed me from the room along with his assured,
“We’ll see about that, Super-

Nova.”

I ignored him, shaking my head as I hurried over to my best friend

and practically yanked her off

the bar stool.

“What the fuck?” Gaby sputtered as she teetered on her tan ankle
boots.

“We have to leave,” I clipped, hauling her behind me toward the exit.
“Right now.”

“What?” She swiped her glossy black hair out of her eyes as she fell
into step beside me, tugging

the hem of her black tube dress down over her thighs. “Why?”

“Uh,” I hemmed, biting my lip as I edged us closer to the doors.

“Because I just had sex with a guy

in the bathroom and I really don’t want to see him again.”

“What!” she screeched, pulling me to a stop.

Sighing, I clasped her hands in mine and pleaded with my eyes. “I’ll
explain. I swear. But not
here.”

Questions blared in her eyes, but she followed me when I spun and
pushed through the doors.

“Okay. Start talking. How the hell did you have time to fuck a guy in
the bathroom? You were gone,

like, ten minutes.”

Head still swimming, I gnawed on my thumbnail and lowered my lids

as I questioned my sanity.

Who does that?

“You give the term quickie a whole new meaning.”

I grimaced.

“Do we know him?”

I shook my head.

“Is he hot?”

Facing her, I sighed and dropped my head to one side. She obviously
wasn’t going to stop asking

questions, and we were far enough away now that I was sure he
wasn’t coming after me. Not that I

thought he would, but I felt better with every step I put between
myself and the bar.

“I dunno, Gabs. He’s cute.”

“Cute?” she demanded, her dark eyes narrowing. “You fuck a

random stranger in the bathroom, he
better be more than just cute, girl.”

A long groan broke from my throat, and I started walking again,

tapping the heel of my palm against

my head. “Yes, he was hot. Okay? Tall, built, blonde, these green-y
hazel eyes. But I still shouldn’t

have done it. It was a stupid knee-jerk reaction.”

“To what?” Gaby asked, taking my arm to slow my steps.

I exhaled, flicking a glance up at the handful of glittering stars

scattered across a backdrop of inky

black. “Turns out my mom’s still in town, after all. She got picked up
for theft a few hours ago. Now

she’s down at Lakeview County.”

“Goddamn,” Gaby muttered, her mouth tight.

“Yeah. That’s why I…” I trailed off with a sigh, splaying my hands
out by my sides helplessly. “I

just wanted to be a regular fucking person for one night. Just

pretend my problems didn’t exist for a

few minutes, but I know that’s not how I should have handled it.”

Gaby cocked her head, her gold loop earring curving into the hollow
between her neck and

shoulder. “Hey, don’t do that! If anyone needs a release, it’s you.

You think you’re the first person to

hook up with some hot stranger in a bathroom? Please. That’s a

weekly occurrence for some people.”
Who? Sex workers?

My lids fell closed.

Gaby wouldn’t judge me, but she didn’t need to. I was judging
myself enough for the both of us.

Except I couldn’t even summon the energy to do that right.

It was over, done. With any luck, I’d never see the guy again, and
I’d forget it ever happened. I’d

forget all about the night some random guy named Danny took me
away from my life for a few

minutes. Because come sunrise, my mom would still be in a jail cell,

she’d still be a junkie, and I’d

have more important things to think about… like the fact my life
would probably always be a train

wreck.

One encounter wouldn’t change anything.

Nothing ever changed.

Except I was wrong.

Sometimes things did change.

Sometimes… they got worse.

Chapter Four

____________________________

DANNY
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
One instant in close speech
With them he doth confer:
God-sped, he hasteneth on,
That anxious traveller...

I was that man—in a dream:

And each world's night in vain
I patient wait on sleep to unveil
Those vivid hills again.

Would that they three could know

How yet burns on in me
Love—from one lost in Paradise—
For their grave courtesy.

ALEXANDER

It was the Great Alexander,

Capped with a golden helm,
Sate in the ages, in his floating ship,
In a dead calm.

Voices of sea-maids singing

Wandered across the deep:
The sailors labouring on their oars
Rowed, as in sleep.

All the high pomp of Asia,

Charmed by that siren lay,
Out of their weary and dreaming minds,
Faded away.
Like a bold boy sate their Captain,
His glamour withered and gone,
In the souls of his brooding mariners,
While the song pined on.

Time, like a falling dew,

Life, like the scene of a dream,
Laid between slumber and slumber,
Only did seem....

O Alexander, then,
In all us mortals too,
Wax thou not bold—too bold
On the wave dark-blue!

Come the calm, infinite night,

Who then will hear
Aught save the singing
Of the sea-maids clear?

THE REAWAKENING

Green in light are the hills, and a calm wind flowing

Filleth the void with a flood of the fragrance of Spring;
Wings in this mansion of life are coming and going,
Voices of unseen loveliness carol and sing.

Coloured with buds of delight the boughs are swaying,

Beauty walks in the woods, and wherever she rove
Flowers from wintry sleep, her enchantment obeying,
Stir in the deep of her dream, reawaken to love.
Oh, now begone sullen care—this light is my seeing;
I am the palace, and mine are its windows and walls;
Daybreak is come, and life from the darkness of being
Springs, like a child from the womb, when the lonely one calls.

THE VACANT DAY

As I did walk in meadows green

I heard the summer noon resound
With call of myriad things unseen
That leapt and crept upon the ground.

High overhead the windless air

Throbbed with the homesick coursing cry
Of swallows that did everywhere
Wake echo in the sky.

Beside me, too, clear waters coursed

Which willow branches, lapsing low,
Breaking their crystal gliding forced
To sing as they did flow.

I listened; and my heart was dumb

With praise no language could express;
Longing in vain for him to come
Who had breathed such blessedness.

On this fair world, wherein we pass

So chequered and so brief a stay;
And yearned in spirit to learn, alas,
What kept him still away.
 THE FLIGHT

How do the days press on, and lay

Their fallen locks at evening down,
Whileas the stars in darkness play
And moonbeams weave a crown—

A crown of flower-like light in heaven,

Where in the hollow arch of space
Morn's mistress dreams, and the Pleiads seven
Stand watch about her place.

Stand watch—O days no number keep

Of hours when this dark clay is blind.
When the world's clocks are dumb in sleep
'Tis then I seek my kind.

THE TWO HOUSES

In the strange city of Life

Two houses I know well:
One wherein Silence a garden hath,
And one where Dark doth dwell.

Roof unto roof they stand,

Shadowing the dizzied street,
Where Vanity flaunts her gilded booths
In the noontide glare and heat.
Green-graped upon their walls
An ancient hoary vine
Hath clustered their carven, lichenous stones
With tendril serpentine.

And ever and anon,

Dazed in that clamorous throng,
I thirst for the soundless fount that stills
Those orchards mute of song.

Knock, knock, nor knock in vain:

Heart all thy secrets tell
Where Silence a fast-sealed garden hath,
Where Dark doth dwell.

FOR ALL THE GRIEF

For all the grief I have given with words

May now a few clear flowers blow,
In the dust, and the heat, and the silence of birds,
Where the lonely go.

For the thing unsaid that heart asked of me

Be a dark, cool water calling—calling
To the footsore, benighted, solitary,
When the shadows are falling.

O, be beauty for all my blindness,

A moon in the air where the weary wend,
And dews burdened with loving-kindness
In the dark of the end.
 THE SCRIBE

What lovely things

Thy hand hath made:
The smooth-plumed bird
In its emerald shade,
The seed of the grass,
The speck of stone
Which the wayfaring ant
Stirs—and hastes on!

Though I should sit

By some tarn in thy hills,
Using its ink
As the spirit wills
To write of Earth's wonders,
Its live, willed things,
Flit would the ages
On soundless wings
Ere unto Z
My pen drew nigh;
Leviathan told,
And the honey-fly:
And still would remain
My wit to try—
My worn reeds broken,
The dark tarn dry,
All words forgotten—
Thou, Lord, and I.
 FARE WELL

When I lie where shades of darkness

Shall no more assail mine eyes,
Nor the rain make lamentation
When the wind sighs;
How will fare the world whose wonder
Was the very proof of me?
Memory fades, must the remembered
Perishing be?

Oh, when this my dust surrenders

Hand, foot, lip, to dust again,
May these loved and loving faces
Please other men!
May the rusting harvest hedgerow
Still the Traveller's Joy entwine,
And as happy children gather
Posies once mine.

Look thy last on all things lovely,

Every hour. Let no night
Seal thy sense in deathly slumber
Till to delight
Thou have paid thy utmost blessing;
Since that all things thou wouldst praise
Beauty took from those who loved them
In other days.

Printed by T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty

at the Edinburgh University Press
*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MOTLEY, AND
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