These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant

periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to
doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country.

Nowadays, there are many advantages for people who are inclined to live abroad for a long
period of time as well as seek a job or to study; however, they also face some obstacles
when inhabiting out of the country. I will outline these aspects in the following essay.

On the one hand, there are some benifits of living and working in a foreign country. First,
when people are going to other countries whose culture, history and lifestyle are different
from their country, they have more opportunites to broaden their horizens and have a
change of scenery. Second, people not only become independent but also gradually develop
soft skills when they live alone without support from their family in foreign countries. For
example, they have to find accomodations on their own and learn how to overcome
challenges they face such as language barriers.

On the other hand, there are some drawbacks when people live abroad. Language barriers
are the biggest problem for people who have never studied foreign languages before, so
they find hard to express their thinking. For example, they cannot ask the waiter for serving
dishes in the restaurants or ask directions when they get lost. Moreover, because of the
difficulty in communication, they cannot make new friends. Consequently, they have a sense
of isolation and have difficulty adapting to the new culture and meeting people.

In conclusion, people can have new experience and enhave their life skills when living in
other countries, but they also face some challenges such as language problems and social
isolation.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: Nowadays, there are many advantages for people who are inclined to live
abroad for a long period of time as well as seek a job or to study; however, they also face
some obstacles when inhabiting out of the country. I will outline these aspects in the
following essay.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Answer: The introduction effectively sets up the topic by acknowledging the
advantages and disadvantages of living abroad. It clearly states that the essay will discuss
these aspects, which is a good start.

Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it addresses the topic of
living and working in a foreign country, both the benefits and challenges. However, it could
be more specific in mentioning the types of benefits and challenges that will be discussed,
such as cultural immersion, language barriers, and social isolation.

Brief Overview: The introduction lacks a brief overview of the specific points that will be
discussed. Including a sentence that outlines the main points, such as the benefits of cultural
immersion and the challenges of language barriers and social isolation, would provide a
clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the introduction's effectiveness.
Improved Introduction: In today's globalized world, an increasing number of individuals are
venturing abroad for extended periods, either to pursue employment or educational
opportunities. While this experience offers significant benefits, such as cultural enrichment
and personal growth, it also presents challenges like language barriers and social isolation.
This essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a foreign
country, highlighting the opportunities for personal development and the obstacles that must
be overcome.

Topic Sentence: On the one hand, there are some benifits of living and working in a foreign
country.

Feedback for Topic Sentence:

Clarity: The topic sentence effectively introduces the main idea that there are benefits to
living and working in a foreign country. However, the phrasing could be improved for clarity
and precision. Consider revising to something like: "Living and working in a foreign country
offers several benefits."

Relevance: The sentence is relevant to the essay question, which asks about the
advantages and disadvantages of living and working abroad. It sets up the discussion of the
positive aspects of this experience.

Transition and Flow: The sentence serves as a good transition to the body of the essay,
introducing the first point of discussion. To enhance flow, consider linking it more explicitly to
the broader topic of the essay, such as by mentioning the contrast with the disadvantages
that will be discussed later.

Improved Topic Sentence: Living and working in a foreign country offers numerous
benefits, including opportunities for personal growth and professional development.

Main Point 1: First, when people are going to other countries whose culture, history and
lifestyle are different from their country, they have more opportunites to broaden their
horizons and have a change of scenery.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument that living in a foreign country broadens one's
horizons and provides a change of scenery is logically sound. It effectively connects the
experience of living abroad with the potential for personal growth and cultural enrichment.

Overgeneralizations: The statement could be seen as slightly overgeneralized as it implies

that all experiences in foreign countries will lead to broadened horizons and a change of
scenery. While this is often true, it may not apply to everyone, especially those who may
face significant challenges in adapting to the new environment.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The idea that cultural differences
provide opportunities for personal growth is relevant and effectively supports the main point.
However, the argument could be strengthened by discussing specific examples or scenarios
where these opportunities have led to significant personal or professional benefits.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "have more opportunites to broaden

their horizons" is somewhat awkward and could be clarified. A more precise phrasing would
be "have opportunities to broaden their horizons."
Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that the cultural differences and
change of scenery are inherently positive experiences for everyone. It does not consider the
potential negative impacts of cultural shock or the challenges of adapting to a new
environment.

Overly Assertive Language: The statement could benefit from a more balanced tone that
acknowledges the potential challenges as well as the benefits of living abroad. Phrases like
"can have opportunities" or "may experience" would provide a more nuanced view.

Overall Evaluation: Extended and Supported but Over-Generalized

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Benefits: Expand on how exactly living in a foreign country can lead to
personal growth and a change of scenery. Discuss specific aspects of cultural immersion
that contribute to these benefits.

Introduce Counterpoints: Acknowledge the potential challenges of

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and
disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country. It discusses the opportunities for
personal growth and skill development, as well as the challenges such as language barriers
and social isolation.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples and
elaborate further on each point. For instance, it could delve deeper into how experiencing a
different culture enhances one's perspective or how overcoming language barriers can lead
to personal growth.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, acknowledging both
the benefits and drawbacks of living abroad. The introduction clearly states that the essay
will discuss both aspects, and each paragraph maintains this balance.

How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement by
clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally,
reinforcing the stance with stronger language and providing a succinct summary in the
conclusion can further solidify the position.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples such as
the opportunities for personal growth and the challenges of language barriers. However, it
could extend these ideas by providing more detailed examples or incorporating relevant
statistics or studies to support the points.
How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay could provide more
specific instances or anecdotes to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Additionally, incorporating data or research findings can add depth and credibility to the
arguments presented.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages and
disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country as prompted. However, there are
some instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as in the paragraph
discussing language barriers, which briefly touches on social isolation.

How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly
relates to the topic and contributes to the overall discussion. Clear transitions between ideas
can help guide the reader and prevent tangential discussions. Additionally, avoiding
repetition and staying concise can help maintain relevance to the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages
and disadvantages of living and working abroad, there is room for improvement in providing
more detailed examples, strengthening the thesis statement, supporting ideas with evidence,
and maintaining focus throughout the essay. With refinement in these areas, the essay could
achieve a higher band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically: Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic

level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the advantages
and disadvantages of living and working abroad. However, the body paragraphs lack a
cohesive progression of ideas. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits, while the
second addresses the drawbacks. While this structure is appropriate, the development within
each paragraph is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the first body paragraph jumps from
discussing cultural exposure to independence without a smooth transition. Similarly, the
second body paragraph addresses language barriers and social isolation, but these points
could be further connected to provide a clearer flow of ideas. How to improve: To enhance
logical organization, ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea coherently.
Use transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, providing a
smoother progression of ideas. For example, in the first body paragraph, after discussing
cultural exposure, transition smoothly to the topic of independence by indicating how
exposure to different cultures fosters independence. Similarly, in the second body
paragraph, connect the discussion of language barriers to social isolation by explaining how
language difficulties can impede social interactions and lead to feelings of isolation.

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It

begins with a clear introduction that outlines the advantages and disadvantages of living and
working abroad. However, the body paragraphs lack a cohesive progression of ideas. The
first body paragraph discusses the benefits, while the second addresses the drawbacks.
While this structure is appropriate, the development within each paragraph is somewhat
disjointed. For instance, the first body paragraph jumps from discussing cultural exposure to
independence without a smooth transition. Similarly, the second body paragraph addresses
language barriers and social isolation, but these points could be further connected to provide
a clearer flow of ideas.
How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph develops a
single main idea coherently. Use transition words and phrases to connect sentences and
paragraphs, providing a smoother progression of ideas. For example, in the first body
paragraph, after discussing cultural exposure, transition smoothly to the topic of
independence by indicating how exposure to different cultures fosters independence.
Similarly, in the second body paragraph, connect the discussion of language barriers to
social isolation by explaining how language difficulties can impede social interactions and
lead to feelings of isolation.

Use Paragraphs: Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate

different aspects of the topic, which is commendable. However, the structure within each
paragraph could be improved for clarity and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on
developing a single main idea, but some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas
without clear organization. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses both cultural
exposure and independence without a clear transition between the two concepts. How to
improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main
idea of the paragraph. Then, provide supporting details and examples to develop that idea
cohesively within the paragraph. If a paragraph contains multiple ideas, consider splitting it
into two or more paragraphs to maintain clarity and focus. In this essay, consider separating
the discussion of cultural exposure and independence into distinct paragraphs to improve
coherence.

Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the
topic, which is commendable. However, the structure within each paragraph could be
improved for clarity and coherence. Each paragraph should focus on developing a single
main idea, but some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas without clear
organization. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses both cultural exposure and
independence without a clear transition between the two concepts.

How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the
main idea of the paragraph. Then, provide supporting details and examples to develop that
idea cohesively within the paragraph. If a paragraph contains multiple ideas, consider
splitting it into two or more paragraphs to maintain clarity and focus. In this essay, consider
separating the discussion of cultural exposure and independence into distinct paragraphs to
improve coherence.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some
cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is room for improvement in variety and
effectiveness. Transition words and phrases such as "first," "second," "on the one hand,"
and "on the other hand" are used to signal the organization of ideas. However, the essay
could benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother connections
between sentences and paragraphs. How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices
beyond simple enumeration (e.g., "first," "second") to include a variety of transitions such as
cause and effect (e.g., "consequently," "therefore"), comparison and contrast (e.g.,
"however," "on the contrary"), and clarification (e.g., "in other words," "for example").
Incorporating these devices will improve the flow of the essay and help readers follow the
progression of ideas more easily. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used
consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices to connect ideas, but
there is room for improvement in variety and effectiveness. Transition words and phrases
such as "first," "second," "on the one hand," and "on the other hand" are used to signal the
organization of ideas. However, the essay could benefit from a wider range of cohesive
devices to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond simple enumeration (e.g.,
"first," "second") to include a variety of transitions such as cause and effect (e.g.,
"consequently," "therefore"), comparison and contrast (e.g., "however," "on the contrary"),
and clarification (e.g., "in other words," "for example"). Incorporating these devices will
improve the flow of the essay and help readers follow the progression of ideas more easily.
Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to
maintain coherence.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, albeit

with some repetition and reliance on basic vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "live
abroad," "foreign country," and "language barriers" are used frequently throughout the
essay. However, there are also instances where more varied vocabulary is employed, such
as "broaden their horizons," "soft skills," and "sense of isolation."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should strive for more diversity
in vocabulary usage. Instead of repeatedly using phrases like "living abroad" or "foreign
country," they can employ synonyms or descriptive terms to convey similar meanings.
Additionally, incorporating specialized terminology related to the topic, such as terms specific
to cultural adaptation or globalization, can enrich the vocabulary range.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay.
While some terms are used accurately to convey specific meanings, such as "soft skills" and
"language barriers," there are instances of imprecise or repetitive language. For example,
phrases like "change of scenery" and "enhance their life skills" are somewhat vague and
could be more precisely articulated.

How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should aim for clarity
and specificity in their word choices. Instead of vague phrases like "change of scenery," they
can use more descriptive language to articulate the benefits of cultural immersion or
experiencing new environments. Furthermore, utilizing adjectives and adverbs more
effectively to qualify nouns and verbs can add precision to the expression of ideas.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with
only minor errors observed. Words like "benefits" and "opportunities" are spelled correctly,
indicating a basic level of spelling proficiency. However, there are some misspellings, such
as "benifits" and "horizens," which detract from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to
spelling conventions and consider employing tools such as spell checkers or proofreading
techniques to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities
like word games or vocabulary exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns and
improve overall spelling proficiency.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent range of sentence structures,

including compound sentences, complex sentences, and some simple sentences. However,
there is room for improvement in terms of variety. For instance, the essay predominantly
employs simple and compound sentences, with fewer instances of complex structures.

How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating

more complex sentence constructions such as subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and
participial phrases. This can add sophistication to your writing and make it more engaging for
the reader. Additionally, experiment with sentence lengths to create a rhythm and flow in
your essay.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical

accuracy. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation
inaccuracies throughout the essay. For instance, there are spelling errors ("benifits" should
be "benefits"), subject-verb agreement issues ("there are some benifits" should be "there are
some benefits"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before coordinating conjunctions).

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay

carefully for spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors. Consider using grammar
checkers or seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and correct errors.
Additionally, review the rules of subject-verb agreement and practice incorporating them
correctly in your writing. Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of
commas, apostrophes, and semicolons, to ensure clarity and coherence in your sentences.

Bài chữa tham khảo

These days, an increasing number of individuals are opting to spend extended periods in
foreign countries, either for employment opportunities or educational pursuits. While there
are numerous advantages to this trend, it also presents some challenges. In this essay, I will
discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of living and working in a foreign country.

On the positive side, there are several benefits to living and working abroad. Firstly,
individuals who relocate to countries with diverse cultures, histories, and lifestyles have the
chance to broaden their horizons and enjoy a change of scenery. Secondly, residing
independently in foreign countries not only fosters independence but also helps in gradually
developing soft skills. For instance, individuals must secure accommodations independently
and navigate challenges like language barriers.

Conversely, there are certain obstacles associated with living abroad. Language barriers
pose significant challenges for individuals lacking prior exposure to foreign languages,
making it difficult for them to articulate their thoughts. For example, they may struggle to
request assistance from restaurant staff or seek directions when navigating unfamiliar
surroundings. Furthermore, due to communication challenges, they may find it difficult to
establish new social connections. As a result, they may experience feelings of isolation and
encounter difficulties in assimilating to the unfamiliar culture and forming social connections.
In conclusion, while living in another country can offer new experiences and enhance life
skills, it also presents challenges such as language barriers and social isolation.