Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Understanding Women It's Not As Hard As You Think
Understanding Women It's Not As Hard As You Think
And to top it all off, most women don't even understand themselves.
They can explain some of the simpler things they do, but if you start
asking them why they (or other women) do the more complicated
things they do, you get answers that are full of holes. They sound
good on an pure emotional level, but take a moment to analyze the
logic and you'll realize it doesn't hold water.
Women really honestly don't know why they do what they do. So
how could you possibly know? But, in fact, learning to understand
women actually isn't an impossible task. It's a lot easier than you
might think, in fact... so long as you understand a few little things,
first.
Independence, Schmindependence
In fact, women today are exactly the same as they have been since
the dawn of humanity. They haven't evolved into some new, distinct
line of the human race, that only needs Gucci bags to achieve inner
fulfillment -- far from it.
Women -- every single woman out there who's not wildly in love
right now -- are almost universally waiting for the man of their
dreams to step into their lives.
No, don't tell that to the Western Woman... especially not Western
Women on the Internet. They'll yell and scream to high heaven that
that isn't the case; that they "don't need a man!" and that they get
fulfillment out of their careers and their gal pals and everything else
Sex and the City and Gossip Girls and Cosmopolitan tells women
they ought to get their fulfillment out of.
We'll come back to some of those in a minute, but for now, let's talk
about how women talk about things they do that seem blatantly
about finding a guy.
Women say the same things about classes they attend, bars and
clubs frequent, social events they go to. It's always "just for fun."
What that translates as, though, is quite often "seeing if I meet a
guy I like." Now, they won't readily admit it -- some women'll go to
their deaths maintaining that they are NEVER looking for a guy, and
that men just find them.
But if it isn't the case that women often do these things looking for
love, then how come women in love with their boyfriends don't go to
speed dating events "just for fun?" How come the girls' nights out
tend to get curtailed so severely once a girl's in a relationship, and
how come their social lives fall off? If it wasn't all about finding a
man, why the dramatic shift? Is their guy really sucking up so much
of their time that they don't have time for anything else anymore?
And I got good at it. The most beautiful, popular girls in school
would ask me on dates; the coolest guys in school would invite me
to their parties.
Sound great? It wasn't. It was hell living life that way -- I became so
crazy micro-analyzing every tiny social nuance -- "What does it
mean that she responded this way when I did that?" "I said this thing
-- does that mean these people aren't going to like me anymore
now?" -- that it plunged me into a deep depression it took me a
decade to climb out of.
I spent a few years after that learning to chase as well as any man
out there, and then a few more years re-integrating all the things I
used to do to get people chasing me with my newfound ability to do
the chasing myself. I'd now say I'm in a "best of both worlds"
position -- I know how to attract others to myself and make them
want to pursue me, but I also know how to take charge and close
the gap and make things happen rather than sit by passively waiting
for them to.
God, it's so much better than it used to be. I would never want to
go back to being pure passive and waiting for others to do things.
But this is life for most women.
Yes, there are the women that break the mold. Those are the
women who:
Men value softer, more passive women more highly. This isn't a
universal truth, and it isn't even true for me -- I feel like I'll break
women who are too soft. I need strong women -- they're the only
ones who stand a chance of standing toe-to-toe with me in any kind
of relationship and not coming out of it with their ego totally
shredded, as considerate as I try to be.
But for the vast, vast, vast majority of men out there, they want soft
women. Women softer than them, anyway.
Women know this. They know, at an instinctive, intuitive level, that
men value women more highly that they have to approach and
chase and do the work with.
I feel like I'm saying, "We'll come back to this in a minute," a lot in
this post, but -- well, we'll come back to why women want highly
invested men in a minute.
Back to Reason #1. Men are afraid of rejection too, you might say --
so why don't women just approach men as much as men approach
women? Why shouldn't both genders share an equal load of that
fear of rejection?
Well, I'll tell you why -- it's because rejection for women is worse.
Much worse.
When your role in the dating game is to be pursued -- you are the
object of desire -- and then you pursue instead, and get rejected --
wow. Ouch. The object of desire being told she isn't desired.
Rejection hurts like hell for women. Much more so than it does for
men. That's why you see so few women approaching.
Even if a girl is crazy about a guy, she's not likely to approach him,
unless she's among that 2% minority of women that could give a
rat's ass about rejection, about keeping face, about what her friends
think, and about maintaining her reputation.
For that reason, most women will not approach unless they're
absolutely certain it's a sure thing.
Everybody likes control. We feel better when we have it; safer, more
secure. The world feels like a more transparent place that's more
likely to give us what we want.
When she chases after him, she's invested, and he isn't. She's going
to feel stronger emotions for him than he is for her, and he's going
to be less reliable and dependable in a relationship and if she should
become pregnant.
Women aren't thinking this when they wait passively for men to do
the work in pursuing them and making things happen. The actual
emotion is more like, "I want him to chase, because he'll like me
more."
But the reason it works though is that it builds investment, and
investment builds commitment, and commitment gives control and
constancy. A little more reliability in an unreliable world.
Of course, the point of this site is to help train you to make girls
chase, not the other way around. Reason being, the person with the
greater amount of investment (the pursuer) is the person who's far
more likely to feel a greater degree of emotion than the one who's
being invested in (the pursued). And to do that with women, you
have to give a little to get them chasing.
Put this together, and you get a ready model for understanding
women and why they do the things they do.
Why do women act coy? Because men who pursue are both
investing themselves and showing a greater level of interest
and commitment. A man who just walks away from a woman
who acts coy or shy isn't going to be able to give her what she
wants in a relationship and probably isn't going to provide for
her when she needs it.
Why do women test men, then walk away when men "fail"
the test? Because those men have shown that they're more
interested in anonymous relations than in the woman herself.
Women want to feel special. Society can try and strip intimacy of its
meaning all it wants -- sex is just for fun, it's meaningless pleasure,
it's devoid of any purpose or function in modern life, liberation, all
that jazz -- but beneath the shield of culture, we're all still operating
like bipedal apes roaming the savanna.
And when it comes down to it, women want men who care about
them as people, who appreciate them, and who are interested in
getting physical with them, for them.
It doesn't matter what about her you focus on, so long as she
feels it's special and she feels desired for her (and not just
random sex).
Women don't care so much about respect for the sake of respect,
like men do.
Always,
Chase Amante