Example Analysis

Step 1
 Read the example essay
o Paste the PT into the box below
 Decide which of the AOK example paragraphs needs the most improvement
o Paste the paragraph into the box below
 From the paragraph, choose 5 sentences that you feel need the most improvement
o Do not choose the opening or closing sentences of the paragraph
o Highlight the 5 sentences

Prescribed Title

AOK Example Paragraph

Step 2
 Place the opening (point / thesis) sentence of the paragraph in the top box
 Insert the first sentence of your chosen block in the next box
 Answer the questions that follow
 Rewrite the sentence if necessary
 Justify your reasoning

Opening (point / thesis)

sentence of the paragraph

Sentence 1
How does this sentence
relate to the thesis
sentence?
What are the transition
words that connect this
sentence to the previous
sentence?
Why does this sentence
follow the one before it
in terms of content?
What is the function of
this sentence within this
paragraph?
Why is this sentence
necessary to this
paragraph?

Is this sentence the best possible sentence to go in this slot?

Rewrite the sentence if
necessary

Explain why your

sentence is better than
the original
Step 3
 Continue the process for sentences 2-5

Sentence 2
How does this sentence
relate to the thesis
sentence?
What are the transition
words that connect this
sentence to the previous
sentence?
Why does this sentence
follow the one before it
in terms of content?
What is the function of
this sentence within this
paragraph?
Why is this sentence
necessary to this
paragraph?

Is this sentence the best possible sentence to go in this slot?

Rewrite the sentence if
necessary

Explain why your

sentence is better than
the original
Sentence 3
How does this sentence
relate to the thesis
sentence?
What are the transition
words that connect this
sentence to the previous
sentence?
Why does this sentence
follow the one before it
in terms of content?
What is the function of
this sentence within this
paragraph?
Why is this sentence
necessary to this
paragraph?

Is this sentence the best possible sentence to go in this slot?

Rewrite the sentence if
necessary

Explain why your

sentence is better than
the original
Sentence 4
How does this sentence
relate to the thesis
sentence?
What are the transition
words that connect this
sentence to the previous
sentence?
Why does this sentence
follow the one before it
in terms of content?
What is the function of
this sentence within this
paragraph?
Why is this sentence
necessary to this
paragraph?

Is this sentence the best possible sentence to go in this slot?

Rewrite the sentence if
necessary

Explain why your

sentence is better than
the original
Sentence 5
How does this sentence
relate to the thesis
sentence?
What are the transition
words that connect this
sentence to the previous
sentence?
Why does this sentence
follow the one before it
in terms of content?
What is the function of
this sentence within this
paragraph?
Why is this sentence
necessary to this
paragraph?

Is this sentence the best possible sentence to go in this slot?

Rewrite the sentence if
necessary

Explain why your

sentence is better than
the original
Step 4

 Compare the original to your own version

Original Sentence Block Updated Sentence Block