~Mi

str
ess~

PROLOGUE
.
.
TheloveIhavef ort
hismancal l
edmyf ather,
is
beyondanythinginthewor l
d.Ismi l
easIwalkin
from mybedroom afterIhavedonemymor ni
ng
routi
neandputmybagdown.Ihughi mf r
om
behindwhil
ehei smaki ngsandwichesandItake
thesli
cedpolonyandIpopi tint
omymout h.
Me:
"Mor
ningDaddy"
Het
urnsandsmil
eandki
ssesmyf
orehead.Icl
ose
myeyes.Myf
ir
stlove
Dad:
"Mor
ningmyangel
"
Youarewonder i
ngwhyIclosedmyeyes.I t
'sme
savour
ingt hesesmallmoment swit
hmyf at
her.
From t
hef oreheadki
ssestothehugst othecuddles
whil
ewewat chmoviestogetheronEtvlateatni
ght
onSaturdayorSunday.That'sourfatherdaught
er
ti
me, t
ohim doingmyhai randshar inghotgossip.
That'
sus.Ilovemyf at
hersomuchandIdon' tfeel
theneedtofindlovebecauseheshowsmel ove.
Hegetsmeasmal l
roseonVal entine'
sanda
Cadburysl
abofchocol ate.Lit
tlethingsli
kethat
makemeappr eci
atehim, wedon'thavemuchbut
hetri
eshisbesttoputasmi l
eonmyf aceandIam
alwayshappywi t
hhi m.
Dad:"Imadel
unchandbr
eakf
astf
oryouonyour
fi
rstday.
"
Me:"Youarethebestmananyonecouldaskfor.I
f
youweren'
tmyfatheral
readyngabengi
yakushada
(Iwoul
dmar r
yyou) "
HelaughedasIsatdownont heki
tchentabl
eand
hegavemeapl atethathadt
woeggswi t
hsliced
tomatoesandbreadwithacupoft
ea.
Dad:"Toobadyouaremydaught
erandIam st
il
l
marr
iedtoyourmot
her"
Welaughedabi
tandhetookhi
sfoodandsat
opposi
temeandther
ewassil
ence.Il
ookedathi
m.
Hewasplayi
ngwithhi
sri
ngandit'
sbeenwhat?3
year
sandsti
llhi
shear
tyear
nsf
orher
.Iyear
nfor
heraswel
l.
Me:
"Uyamkhumbul
a?(Youmi
ssher
?)"
Dad:"Kakhulu,bekuzobaiminyakaewu29
sit
handana.20sishadil
e(itwouldhavebeen29
yearsbei
ngt ogetherand20yearsmarri
ed)"
I
talwaysbr
eaksmyhear tseei
nghimli
kethis.I
missmymot heraswel
l.Soverymuch,Iwipemy
t
earsandputonasmi l
ehidinghowsadIam.
Me:
"Pl
easer
etel
lthest
oryagai
n"
Hechuckl
es.
Dad:
"youknowt
hest
oryal
ready"
Me:"(eat
ing)Kodwababangi
yakucel
a(butdad
pl
ease)"
Hechuckl
ed
Dad:
"Swol
low"
Idi
d.Iknewi twoul
dli
ghtuphismood.EveryyearI
gettol
dofmom anddad'slovestor
y.It'
sal
waysa
beauti
fult
hingtohear
.Inevergett
iredofi
t.
Dad: "itwas29year sago.Iwas17t heti
meImet
yourmot herandshewas14.Mymot herwasa
helperatherhouseasshecamef r
om agood
backgr oundofhotshotl awyer sandapol it
ician
whowasaspyt hattimef orwhi tepeopl emeani ng
shecamef rom ar i
chf ami l
yunl ikeme.Thatdi dn't
stophert hough.Theyneededagar denerandIwas
tryi
ngt obr i
ngi nmor ei ncomeathomesi ncemy
fatherdi edi nthemi nes.Mom had4chi l
drenand
theyalldependedonher .Ineededt ostepupast he
olderbr ot herandbet heman.Shewal keddownt he
l
ongst airsi nayel l
owdr essandsandal sholdinga
smal lbagseemsl i
keshewasonherwayout .I
wasst ucki nherbubbl eandwor ldofherbeaut y,her
colgatesmi l
ecapt uredmyhear tandIwassweat i
ng.
Shewasi ndeedgoi ngoutwi thherol dersisterand
atthatt i
meshedi dn'tnot i
ceme.Ir emembershe
camehomewi thherboyf ri
end.BoywasImadand
shatteredbutIknewmel i
kingherwasf ormet o
keept omysel fandmebei ngwi thherwasadi stant
dream.Whi chr i
chgi rlwoul dwantapoorguyl ike
measwewer estrugglingal ot.Yourmot hersaw
somet hingi nmeaswel l.Shest artedbr i
nging
bever agest omeaf t
erahotdayi nt hegar den.She
wast hesweet estoutofal ltheLut hul ifami ly.We
woul dsi ttogetherandspeakgener althings.Our
bondgr ewf rom coldbever agest oherbuyi ng
chocol atesf ormewheni twasVal entine's.Iwasso
embar rassedt hefirstti
measIdi dn'thaveanyt hing
togivet oherandshesai d'Don' twor ryMel usiI
don'twantanyt hing.Justyourl ove' sher anaway
afterthat .Myhear twasbeat i
ngast oher
confessi ngshel ovesmeasIl oveher.Idi dn'tsleep
thatni ght, Eveneat .ThenextdayIgotoutear ly
from schoolandwentt ocat chat raintoherschool
justtoseeher .If oundhercomi ngoutwi thher
fri
ends.Theypr ovent onotlikemeast heywer e
maki ngsl ycomment sbutshecamet omeand
huggedmeandIhuggedher .Iknewr ightt hent hat
shewasf orme. 3year sdownt hel ineandwe
wer ef all
ingi nl
ovewi t
heachot herever yday.She
wasi ngr ade11andIwaswor kingatsomeI ndian
shopj ustt osurvive.Yourmot herf ellpr egnantwi th
you.Iwas20year sandshewas17.Thedayshe
toldmeshecr i
edbecauseshewasscar ed.Iwas
toobecauseIdi dn'
thavemuchandst i
llhadt ofeed
4otherpeopl
ehomebutasmi l
ecreptonmyface.
Thethoughtofbei
ngaf
atherbroughtj
oyi
ntomy
heart.
"
Ismi
ledwit
hstuffedeggsi
nmymout
handdr
ank
mytea.Hecar
riedon.
Dad:"Iqui twor ki
ngatt heI ndianshopandst arted
workingasacl eaneratsomeWhi t
eman' scompany.
Iwast reatedbadl ybutI tpaidbet termoney.When
yourmot her'
sf ami l
yf oundoutt hatIimpr egnat ed
hertheyf ir
edmymot her .Whi chmentmor e
str
ugglebutshewassuppor tive.Ineversawyour
mot hertil
lshegavebi rthanddr oppedyouonour
doorstepwi t
hyoucr ying.' takecar eofher .Iwi l
l
seeyoui n5year sMel usiIpr omi se' t
hat'sallshe
saidwithnof urtherexpl anat i
on.Iwashear tbr oken.
Mom woul dtakecar eofyouwhi l
eIwor ked.You
wereanaught yyethappychi ld.Asyougr ewyou
l
ookedl ikeyourmot her .Igotabet terj
obi nthe
minesast imewentbyandaf t
er5year sofyou
growingaRedshi nycarpar kedi nfr
ontofmyhouse.
Wewer ecur i
ousandoutcameyourmot her.She
l
ookedsobeaut i
fulandshej ustcriedandhugged
andkissedme.(Igiggled)Iwashappyt
oseeher .'
Iam heretotakeyouawayandbeaf amil
y'that
's
whatshesaid.ShebecameaDrandwegot
marr
iedaftertwoyearsbeingt
oget
heragai
n"
Thesmileonhisfacewaspr
icel
ess.I
tget
sbet
ter
Ever
yti
mehet el
lsit
.
Me:
"Wow"
Hechuckl
esandst
andsupt
aki
ngt
hedi
shes.
Dad:"takeyourl
unch.Youar
egonnabel
atef
or
work.
It
ookmylunchboxandputi
tinmybag.Iki
ssed
hi
scheek
Me:
"Il
oveyoudad"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
ooangel"
Ir
ushedoutofthehouseandIwentoutt
hegat
e.I
wasclosi
ngthegat
ewhenIheardascream.
"
Bit
ch!
"
Ij
umpedandturned.I
twasMercymysist
erf
rom
anot
hermot
her.Iscreamedf
orherandwe
hugged.
Me:
"whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Mercy:
"weareheret
otakeyout
owor
konyour
f
ir
stdaysi
sterwi
fe"
Ismiled.Ahhblessthi
sone.Herhusbandgotoutof
thecar.Heisani nt
imi
dati
ngyetchi
ll
edguy,scared
bymanyandt heyli
veinDurban.Mercymarri
ed
him 2yearsagoandIwassohappyf ormyfr
iend.
Sandi
le:
"Mf
aziwamiwesi
bil
i(mysecondwi
fe)
"
Wel
aughedandhugged
Me:"engat
hiuyal
anj
iswamyeni
wet
hu(Don'
tthey
f
eedyouourhusband?)"
Mer
cy:
"Idof
eedhi
m.I
nthebedr
oom especi
all
y"
Me:
"TMIsi
si."
Sandi
lel
aughed.
Sandi
le:
"vi
rgi
nMar
yst
il
lli
ket
hat?
"
Me:"
astheycome.Wi
thyoubot
hinmyl
if
eanddad
whodoIneed?"
Mer
cy:
"youneedt
ogetl
aid"
"Getl
aidf
orwhat!?youshoul
dbeatwork.Mer
cy
comebackher
eafterdr
oppi
ngherof
f!"
That
'sdad.
Me:
"byedaddy"
Dad:
"byeangel"
Mer
cy:
"byedaddy"
Hechuckl
ed.
Dad:
"byeangel"
Hewal
kedi
nsi
de.
Sandi
le:
"It
houghtIwasdaddy"
Mer
cy:
"si
esyohbhut
i"
Wel
aughed.Sandi
ledoeshaveashadyaur
aIknow.
Wegoti
nthecarandtheydroveof
f.
Thenamei sAndiswaBhengu, 21yearol dyoung
woman.Daddi esgirlandIam notashamedofi t.I
usedtohavethelif
e, yesmom gaveust heli
feandI
am gr
atef
ul.Pri
vateschoolsfr
om thistothatbut
onet hi
ngIwi t
nessedi st helovet hatwasdi splayed
athomeandt hehumbl enessmydadi nst al
led.My
mot her'
sf amilyhat esmeanddad' s, wellIlovehi s
familytobi tsespeci allyuKhul uzawam(my
grandmot her)t hat'
swhatIcal lher .Mer cyandI
grewupt oget herbasi callyher einMamel odibutmy
dadgr ewupar oundOr landot henmovedher ewhen
Iwasyoung.Wemovedapar twi thMer cybutour
bondneverbr oke.Shebecameasi st er
.Nowshei s
mar ri
edtosandi l
eherpr incechar mi ng.Iam
workingtowar dsmydr eam ofbei ngaFor ensic
pathologistbutf ornowIam st udyi ngt eachingj ust
togetapr operpr offessi ontosur vive ,that '
swhyI
studypar ttime.Mymom' sfami l
yt ookever ything
awayf rom uswhenshedi edandwehadnot hing
butdadpushedt ofil
lever yvoidandIl ovehi mf or
that.NowIam st ar
tingaJobbei ngacl eanerata
carcompany, Vol kswagenbabasoIam happyand
i
tpaysabi twell.Joi nmeont hisridecal ledmyl if
e
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
.
Icouldn'
thol
dmyselfti
llt
omorr
owsohereist
he
star
tofanewj our
ney.Hopeever
yonewi
lll
ovei
t.
.
Li
ke,
shar
eandcomment
~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t1
.
.
"Ngi
jabul
il
'ubuyemnganwami
Haven'
tseenyoui
nawhi
le
Gi
rlIt
houghtyoubet
terof
fwi
thoutme
Iai
n'tgot
tast
ressabouti
tnomor
e"
Mercy:"ngingayi
qedal
ecuti
engethr
eesum or
kanj
anibaby?(Iwouldfi
nishthi
scuti
einathree
sum ornotbaby?)"
Sandi
le:
"NotMer
cy"
Ilaughed.Theyar
eacr
azycoupl
eandyouwi
llsee
thataswell
.
Me:"whenam Ibei
nganauntagai
nngempel
a
ngempel
a?Wher ei
smyangel?"
Mer
cy:
"Ishoul
dbeaski
ngt
hatquest
ion"
Me:
"youknowyouwon'
tgetananswer
."
Sandi
le:
"ourangeli
sbei
ngadi
vaMf
azi
wam "
Me:
"That
'smygi
rl"
Wel
aughedandgott
omynewwor
kpl
ace.
Sandil
e:"ar
eyoul
ate?I
fyouar
eIcant
alkt
oyour
boss.Mantomanorwomantoman"
Me:"Not
hankyou.Byesweet
hear
tsyouar
ethe
best"
Isai
djumpingof
fthei
rcarandMer
cyr
oll
eddown
herwindow.
Mer
cy:
"seeyounextweeksi
s"
Me:
"ki
ss"
Weshar
edababyki
ss.
Sandi
le:
"youneedt
otellmetheinsandoutoft
hat
pl
ace.Maybepl
anaheistofali
fet
ime"
Hesaidwhi l
ewhistl
ingandlookingattheGolf
s
parkedoutsi
de.Il
aughed.Heal waysjokesabout
thesethi
ngsbutIfeelli
keheisn't
.
Me:
"don'
twor
ry50/
50"
Sandi
le:
"Shokot
i"
Mer
cy:
"byebabes"
Me:
"saf
etr
ipbackt
oDur
banguys"
Isaidwavingwhil
ewalkingi
ntomywor kplace.
Theydr oveof
fandIwalkedi
nsi
det hegarage.The
garagelookedspaci
ous.Iwaslookingatthecars
andpricerangeswhensomeonespoke.
"Wehavealotmorevar
iet
yofcar
s,whatdoyou
fi
ndsui
tabl
eforyour
sel
f?
Me:
"ohnoIam nother
etobuyacar
.That
'sabi
t
f
ar,
Iam t
henewcleaner"
Thecol
ouredguyinanavybluegolfshi
rtwit
hblack
chi
nosandsemiformalshoeswit
hapeni nthe
hand.Vol
kswagenwrit
tenonthegolfshir
t.
Hi
m:"ohyouar
e..
..
?"
Me:
"Andi
swaBhengu"
Hi
m:"Youar
eear
ly.Fol
lowme"
Hewal
kedof
fandIf
oll
owed.
Him: "mynamei sTrist
an.Tri
stanBr own, Iam t
he
manageroft hisVolkswagenbr anch.Wedohave
thebigbossbuthei sn'
talwayshere, hebought
sharesintoVolkswagen.Hehasbr anchesherein
Pret
or i
a,DurbanandPi etermar
itzburg"
Me:
"ohwow"
Him:"yesandwhenyouseehi mrespecthi
m.He
doesn'
ttakel
ight
lyi
ndi
srespect"
Inodded.Heshowedmeal it
tl
er oom.I
thad
cl
eaningsuppl
iesandauni
form hangi
ngther
e.I
t
wasnavyandwhi t
e.
Hi
m:"t
hisi
syourl
it
tl
eheavenf
rom nowon"
Me:
"thankyou"
Hi
m:"youst
arti
nanhour"
Inoddedandhewal
kedout
.Isentamessaget
o
dadsayi ngIhavegot tensafelytowor kandthenI
changedi ntotheuniform.Itwasabi tshort.It
reachedmykneesandhel dmet ight
ly.Iam abi t
thickhenceIeatal ot
.Ilovef ood.Itooksome
cleaningsuppl i
esandIst art
edt oclean.Iwas
cleaningwher ethecarswer eandbef oreeveryone
l
eavesIcl eanwher etheser vicesforthecarsar e
doneever yoncei nawhi l
e.That '
swhatwassai d.I
sawawomani nthesameuni for
m asmewheni t
wasl unchbr eakandIwentt ositwithher.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Her:
"Dumel
alekae?(Hel
lohowar
eyou?)
"
Me:
"Iam good"
Shel
aughed.
Her:
"Bi
tsol
akakeRef
il
we.
(Mynamei
sRef
il
we)
"
Me:"Fif
i,wellmynameisAndiswaBhenguandI
am notSothoorTswanaspeaking"
Shel
aughed.
Her:
"Xhosa?"
Me:
"Zul
u"
Fi
fi:
"Iknowabi
tofZul
undi
swa"
Igi
ggledandIopenedmylunchboxandhandeda
sandwicht
oherandshelaughed.
Fi
fi:
"thankyou,
thoughIhavel
unch"
Me:
"ol
dhabbi
tsdi
ehar
d"
Fif
i:"i
t'
sagoodhabbi
ttot
eachyourki
dsi
nfut
ure
,doyouhaveki
ds?"
Me:
"no,
Iam st
il
lababy.You?"
Fi
fi
:"Ihaveababyboy"
Me:
"canIseehi
m ?"
Sheshowedmeherbaby'
spi
ctur
eandhei
ssocut
e.
Me:
"Remi
ndsmeofmyangel"
Shel
aughed.
Fi
fi:
"adopt
ivechi
ld?
"
Me:
"mysi
ster
'schi
ld"
Fi
fi:
"youl
oveki
ds"
Me:
"theyhaveawi
l
dimagi
nat
ionandar
esmar
t"
Fi
fi:
"tr
yadaywi
thl
etl
ogonol
oandyouwi
llgo
cr
azy"
Welaughedandtalkedti
llwewentbackt
owor
k.
Fi
rstdaysofarandIloveit.
.
.
Igothometir
edasever .Fif
iandIexchanged
numberswhenwewentourseper ateways.Igoti
n
anddadwasdi shingupdinner
.IsmiledandIput
mybagont hekitchent
ableandhekissedmy
for
ehead.
Dad:
"howwasyourf
ir
stday?"
Me:
"dr
aini
ngbuti
twasok.Imadeaf
ri
end"
Dad:"t
hat'
sgood.Tel
lyourbosst
onotoverwork
youoryouwil
lqui
t.Ican'
thavemyangellooki
ng
l
ikeazombie"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iwi
llt
ellhi
m"
Hegavemeaneye.Hei
sser
iousandIknowI
won'
tsayt
hat
.
Me:
"hai
bobaba(nodad)
"
Iwalktotheket
tl
etoboi
lwat erforbathi
ngandI
takeoutmylunchboxandputi tinthedi
shesbasin
andt ur
nedtodadwhoislookingatme.Il ookat
him andwelaughandIhughi m.
Dad:
"Youar
eyourol
dman.
Me:
"41i
snotol
dandyoust
il
lhandsome"
Dad:
"ist
hatawayofyousayi
ngIshoul
ddat
e?"
Me:
"thenwhowi
llIhavemovi
eni
ght
swi
th?"
Hel
aughed.
Dad:
"Iknewyouar
eal
waysj
eal
ouswi
thme"
Me:"yeahIwi
llbeti
llIdi
esopleasedomyhai
rthi
s
weekend,
Iam ti
redoftyi
ngi
t"
Dad:"sur
e.HambogezaunukauOi
la(goandbat
h
yousmelll
ikeoi
l)"
Igaspedandt
ookt
heket
tl
ethatcl
ickedashe
l
aughed.
Me:
"youar
esowr
ong"
Itookt hebat hingbasi nandwentt omyr oom andI
pouredt hewat eri nsideandwentt othekitchenand
fi
ll
edt heket tl
ewi t
hwat erandputi tawayandt ook
ajugandf i
ll
edi ncol dwat erandt ookmybagand
wentt omyr oom whi l
ecl osingt hedoorandI
stri
ppedandt ookabat h.Af terIwasdoneIwor e
mypyj amasandagownandIwentt odi scardt he
waterandIwentt otakemyf oodandsatnextt o
dad.Ipr ayedbef oreeatingwhi lewewat ched
skeem saam andIwentt owasht hedishesaf ter
andwewat chedal lt
hesoupi esandendedwi th
Uzalobef or
ewewentourseper atewayst osleep.I f
youar ewonder ingwhatmydaddoes.Hewor ksas
wellataver ywel lknowAr chitecturef i
rmi nPret or
ia
.Hewor ksast hesecur ityguyt here.Hegotaday
offtodayandt omor r
owhei sgoi ngback.It ookof f
mygownandgoti nbedandsl ept
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t2
.
.
.
Iwokeupear lyasusualandImadet hebedand
openedt hecur t
ains.Iwal kedoutofmyr oom and
wentt ot hekitchent oboilwat erandmakea
sandwi chtoeat.Nobr eakf asttoday.Dadl eavesat
5am ever yday.Af tereatingIwentt ot akeabat h
andt henIgotdr essedwhi let yi
ngmyhai r.Ireally
don'tlikecombi ngi teveryday.It ookmyphoneand
bagandImademywayoutl ocking,Lunch?Iwi l
l
buyi tont hewayshame.Iam t oolazytodot hat
today.Maybei t'
sbecausedadal wayspamper sme
anddoest hingsf orme.Igoti nthetaxiandtext ed
Mer cyandshewascompl ainingaboutmyangel .I
promi sedt hatIwillcallherl ateronandshesai dit'
s
ok.It ookaboutt wotaxi
'
sbef oreIgott owor kand
thengotof fandmademywayi n.IgreetedTristan
whowasdoi ngwhateverhewasdoi ngbuthewas
l
ooki ngatthecar sandwr i
tti
ngar epor
tofsome
sort.Iwentt ochangeandt hent ookmycl eaning
suppl i
es.Ir eall
ylovemyj obbecausei t'
snott hat
muchofcl eaning.Wewashwi ndowst wi
ceaweek
sot hat'
sok.Fi ficameandshewentt ochange.I
dealwi thnewcar sthathaven'tbeenusedandshe
cleanswher epr eusedcarsar e.
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swar
ight?"
Whensomeonesayst hatit
'sei
thertheyar
et r
ying
torememberyournameort heyaredoingi
ttospite
you.Ingi
rlsVersi
onit
'stospit
eyouandal soin
guysIthi
nkbutletmenotover t
hinkwhatmy
manageristr
yingtosay.Ismileandsay
Me:
"yessi
r"
Tri
stan:"thebosscameinthi
smorni
ng
unexpectedl
y.Ineedyoutogoandcl
eanuphi
s
off
icebeforehegoesther
e"
Me:
"Ohoksi
r"
Hewal kedof f
.Iwoul dl ovetoseet heownerofthis
branch.It ookmyt hingsandIwal kedint
othe
boss'sof f
iceaft
erknocki ngofcour seandIstart
ed
cleani
nganddust i
ng.I twascl eanjusthereand
thereandIopenedt hewi ndowt hatwasthereandI
sawapi ct
ureofawoman.Shel ookedbeauti
ful,
l
ooksl i
ket hosebeaut i
fulri
chhousewi ves.Itook
thepictureandlookedather .
Me:
"beaut
if
ul"
Shewasabeautif
ulyel
lowbonewoman.Iputt
he
pi
ctur
einit
splaceandIgotoutandmyphoner
ang
andItooki
toutofmyunifor
m.
Me:
"Dad"
Dad:"didyout
ravelsaf
e?Idi
dn'
tseeyout
his
morning."
Me:
"It
ravel
edok.Iam gooddadpl
ease"
Hechuckl
ed.
Dad:
"rememberwhatIsai
dyest
erday"
Me:
"youar
egonnagetmef
ir
edwi
tht
hiscal
l"
Dad:
"Hai
boIam st
il
ltal
kingt
omydaught
er"
Me:
"byedaddy"
Hechuckl
ed
Dad:
"byebaby"
HehungupandIputmyphoneaway.
"
Andi
swa"
Ij
umped.Yohhescar
edme.
Me:
"Tr
ist
an.
..
.Imeanboss"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tri
stan:
"Ineed4bot
tl
edwat
erandbr
ingi
ttot
he
ser
vicear
ea"
Me:
"ohk"
Ifrowned.Isn'tt
hereaPAf orthesekindoferrands
butIam donewi t
hwor k.Likecleaninginthe
mor ni
ngandher eandtheredur ingthedayand
beforewel eave.Iwentt ogetthosebot tl
edwat er
andIwal kedtowher ethecar sar eser
vicedand
thereweret woVolkswagencar s.Onewasupwi t
h
thosemachi nesputti
ngi tuptol ookunderandone
wasj ustbeingcheckedupf ront.ItwasaPolot si
andaGTI
.Navyandr
ed,
niceandshi
ney"
"UphilomlunguwakhonamanziAmiNdoda?
(Whereisyourwhi
temanwithmywaterman?)"
Onemanl
yvoi
cesai
dfr
om t
heTsi.
"It
'shasbeenasecondandal
readyyouar
e
shouti
ng"
Outofnowhereaguycamef r
om undert
hecar
weari
ngblueoverr
all
s,Idroppedthewaterbot
tl
es
outofbei
ngsurpri
sedandhebentdownandIwent
downtooquickl
yandhi shandswereoil
y
Me:"Iam sor
ry.Ij
ustgotf
ri
ght
enedbyt
hewayyou
appear
ed"
Hi
m:"i
t'
sok"
Icoll
ectedallofthe4col
dwaterbott
lesandwe
stoodup.Hel etouthi
shand,
Ishooki tandIhear
d
chuckleandhechuckledanddimplesappearedon
hisface.Verydeepandmadehiml ookhandsome
thanheal r
eadyis.Doesheworkhereaswel l
?
Me:
"Uhm Andi
swa"
Ipul
ledmyhandbackandhi
swasst
il
lther
e.
Laught
erwasf
il
ledi
nthewhol
egar
age.
Hi
m:"CanIhavet
hewat
er?"
Shoot .Ifeelf
lushedandembar r
assednowt hatI
didthat.Theguypr obabl
yt hinksIam throwing
mysel fathim.Igavehi m allthewaterbot t
lesand
j
ustr ushedawaywhi lehearinglaughter.Ihate
embar rassingmoment sal
ot .Icrysomet imesbut
thi
siswor kandIcan'tdothat.
.

Mer
cy:
"Youdi
dwhatmnt
ase?"
Shel aughed.Itwasmyl unchbreakandItol
dFifiI
wantt obealoneabi tandsheunder st
ood.Itr
ied
call
ingdadbuti twenttovoi cemai
l.Ical
ledMercy
butclearl
yImadeami stakebecausenowIam
cryi
ngandshei slaughingherassoff.
Me:
"Mer
cy!"
Ishoutt
hrought
hephone.
Mercy:"What?Embarrassi
ngmoment
shappent
o
anyoneAndiswa.Youneedtol
evel
upabi
tand
wal
ktal
l.St
opcr
ying.Dadspoi
lsyout
oomuch"
Shei
sri
ght
.
Me:
"Youshoul
dhavebeent
her
e"
Mer
cy:
"washeatl
easthandsome?"
Me:
"who?"
Mer
cy:
"t
heguyyouembar
rassedyour
sel
fto"
Shel
aughedaf
tert
hat
Me:
"Mxm"
Mercy:
"sorr
ymnt ase.Wipeyourt
ear
sandeat
l
unchandforgetever
ythi
ng"
Me:
"Ineedacockt
ailnow"
Mer
cy:
"enj
engawevi
rgi
nMar
y(l
ikeyouvi
rgi
n
Mar
y)"
Me:
"voet
sek!"
SheLaughed.
Mer
cy:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Me:
"Il
oveyou.Iwi
llcal
lyoul
ater"
Mer
cy:
"okt
ellmeal
lthedet
ail
s"
Me:
"okbye.Sayhit
oangelf
orme"
Mer
cy:
"okbabes"
ShehungupandIsighed.Iopenedmyf ri
edchips
andSomeonesatnexttome.Istoppedeatingand
i
twastheguyIembarrassedmyselfto.
Ngangi
swel
aum'godiwokucasha(Ijustwantedthe
worl
dtoswol
lowme)
Hi
m:"HeyAndi
swa"
Ipoppedachi
pinmymout handswol
lowed,
greet
edwit
halow"Hi"f
il
ledwit
hembarrassment.
Hechuckl
ed.
Hi
m:"Idi
dn'
tint
roducemysel
f."
Me:
"pl
easest
op.Thatwasembar
rassi
ngenough"
Hechuckl
edandIwasf
lushed.Iwant
edt
obehome
andcr
y.
Hi
m:"wel
litwasn'
t"
Me:
"foryoumaybe"
Hi
m:"Nt
ethel
elo"
Il
ookedathim andhewasstil
linhi
sover
ral
lsdi
rt
y
wi
thoilbutyoucoul
dsti
llseehi
shandsomeface
wi
thdimples.
Me:
"youf
orgi
vemef
ormycl
umsyness?"
Helaughedandi
twasdeepbutsmoot
handyou
canherehehasadeepr
ichvoi
ce.
Hi
m:"Not
hat
'smynameMsAndi
swa.
..
..
."
Me:
"Bhengu"
Hesmi
ledandIf
oundmysel
fsmi
li
ngr
ightback.
Me:
"wantsome?"
Iof
fer
edmyf
ri
es.Heshowedmehi
shands
Hi
m:"Idon'
twantt
oeatoi
lsopoponei
nmymout
h
"
Me:
"that
'si
nappr
opr
iat
e"
Hechuckl
ed
Hi
m:"j
ustone"
Itookoneandheopenedhi
smout
handIpopped
oneinandatemyfry.
Hi
m:"Thatwasni
ce"
Ismi
led.
Hest
oodupdust
inghi
msel
f..
Hi
m:"I
twasni
cemeet
ingyouAndi
swaBhengu"
Me:
"yout
ooNt
ethel
elo.
..
..
..
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Hi
m:"Khumal
o"
Me:
"ohMnt
ungwa"
Hesmi
ledmor
e.
Hi
m:"l
etmel
eave."
Hewalkedaway.Whatanembar
rassi
ngday.My
phonevi
brat
edandi
twasdad.
DAD*
**wewi
llt
alkl
ater*
***
Isi
ghedandcar
ri
edoneat
ing.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Igotbacki
nthegarageandwentbacktomycar
.
Vuyaniwasst
il
llaughi
ngathoweveryt
hing
happened.
Vuyani:
"thatmomentt
hough"
Me:
"br
othat
'
senoughnow"
Vuyani:
"chi
llmanok?I
twashar
mlessl
aughi
ng"
Kwando:
"nextt
hingyouwi
ll
behi
tt
ingonher"
Vuyani:
"ahhl
owbl
ownowBr
os"
Me:
"it
'syourgame"
Isai
dgetti
ngunderthecar.Idon'
tknowforthe
whatti
meIboughtthesamecarf orUnat
hiandI
havetokeeponfi
xingitwhil
eit'
snew"
Vuyani:
"Iam f
ait
hfult
oLondi
enow"
Ipushedmysel
ffr
om undert
hecarandsatupand
welookedathi
m.
Vuyani:
"ser
ious"
Kwando:
"it
'smyf
uner
alt
hen"
Ichuckl
edandwentbackunderthecar
.The
momentkeptonrepl
ayingi
nmyheadf orsome
reasonandt
hen"Mntungwa"keptonri
ngi
nginmy
head.Asmil
ejustcr
eptuponmyf ace.
"
Ntet
hel
elo!
"
Ir
oseupandhi
tmysel
fandgr
oaned,
Ipushed
mysel
fout.
Me:
"fuckman,
whyar
eyoushout
ing!
?"
Ihel
dmyf
orehead.
Kwando:
"youwer
en'
tanswer
ingus"
Me:
"fuck!"
IgotupandItookthetowelf
rom mypocketandI
puti
tonmyf oreheadandIhadblood.
Vuyani:
"yourf
oreheadi
sgonnabebi
gnow"
Me:
"andi
t'
sal
lyourf
aul
t.Bot
hofyou"
Iwal
kedt
omyof
fi
ce.Fuckt
hishur
ts.Iwentt
othe
bathroom andIlookedatmysel
fandIhadacuton
myf orehead.Iwashedmyhandsandf aceandit
stungwi t
hsoapandIf oundt
heguysinmyof f
ice.
Vuyani:
"yoh!"
Me:
"Shutup.Cal
lAndi
swawi
thi
ce"
Theycr
ackedup.
Vuyani:
"usecondoms.Wedon'
twantyour
Maserat
idamaged"
Me:
"Iam notl
ikeyou"
Kwando:
"youl
ikeher"
Me:
"gocal
lher!"
Igroaned.Act
ualf
actIwantedt
oseeherabi tand
hearhersayMntungwaagainasshiver
swi l
lgo
thr
oughmywhol ebody.Theywalkedout.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
iwascleaningf
ormyaf
terl
unchrout
inewhen
Tri
stancall
edmeandIt
urnedtohim.
Tr
ist
an:
"weneedi
ceatt
heboss'
sof
fi
ce"
Me:
"Uhm butFi
fii
s..
..
..
"
Idon'
twannaseet
heboss.
Tr
ist
an:
"don'
tquest
ion."
Inodded.Mxm theyshouldhavesai dt heywant eda
PAandnotacl eanerintheirj
obdescr iption.Igot
thei
ceandwentt oknockont heboss' sof f
iceanda
fi
rm comeinwasshout ed.Ibreathedinandout .
Rememberr especthi
m, Youneedt hi
sj ob.Igoti n
andthebossf r
om thecouchlift
edhi sf aceandi t
wasNt et
helel
o.Ialmostdroppedt heice.Iwas
embarrassedX10.Iwentoutofl i
nemeet i
ngt hebig
boss.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa!
"
Hesaidwavi
nghi
shandi
nfr
ontofmeandIt
hinkI
zonedof
f.
Me:
"uhm her
ear
ethei
ce"
Iputt
hem ont
het
abl
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hel
paf
ri
endoutwi
thabr
uise"
Hehandedat owelt
omeandIt ookoutthei
ce.I
wantedtobeoutofhereal
ready.Iwentonmy
kneesbyhisheadandheremovedhishandfrom
hisfor
ehead.Yohthatl
ooksbig.Iwantedt
olaugh
butIheldmysel
f.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ha,
l
aughatmypai
n"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ikeptast
rai
ghtf
ace.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Smi
le"
Iwasdabbingt
heiceonhisfor
eheadandIpr
essed
onhi
sbruiseandhegroaned.
Me:"bepat
ientsot
heswel
li
ngcangodownMr
Khumalo"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"cel
aungi
thakazel
efut
hi(pl
easecan
yousaymyclannamesagain)"
Il
ookedathi
m ashi
sbr
eat
hingwassl
owandcal
m.
Me:
"Mbul
azi"
Il
ookedathi
m andhesmi
ledl
ikeaki
d.
Ntet
helel
o:"Awaziungenzani(youdon'
tknowwhat
youaredoingt
ome) "
Igotr
idofmysmileandt
ookhi
shandandpl
acedi
t
onthetowel
.Ist
oodup.
Me:
"It
hinkyoucant
akei
tfr
om her
e"
Hesatup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
It
ookt
het
rayt
hathadi
ceandwal
kedoutofhi
s
of
fi
ce.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t3
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Shewal kedri
ghtoutoftheoffi
ceinarushand
didn'tl
ookbackwhenIcal l
edoutforher.Isighed
andputt hei
cedtowelbackonmyf or
eheadandl ai
d
ont hecouchandmyphoner ang.Itookitoutof
mypocketandi t'
sUnathi.Sheisprobabl
ylooking
forhercar.
Me:
"Unat
hi"
Unat
hi:
"Andmycar?Howi
sitgoi
ng?"
Me:"i
t'
sgoi
ngokUnat
hi,
youwi
llhavei
tthi
s
af
ter
noon"
Unathi:
"ok.Iam outwi
tht
heladi
essoyouwon't
fi
ndmehome.Dr opmycaratthelocat
ionIwi
ll
send"
Igr
oaned.
Me:
"Sho"
IhungupandIt hr
ewthephonebymyl egs.The
dooropenedandVuyaniandkwandowalkedinwith
food.Isatupandremovedt
hetowelandputiton
thetabl
e
Kwando:
"seemsbet
ter
."
Vuyani:
"somuchbet
ter
.Sowher
eisyourAndi
swa?
"
Theyl
augh
Me:
"mxm,
shei
snotmyAndi
swa"
Kwando:
"Ifyousaysoman."
Vuyani:
"Butbr
olookatt
his.Youar
east
rongman
andyouneedastrongwoman"
Kwando:
"wel
lsai
d"
Theygavemeabur
ger
.Gotmei
nthought
shey.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Timeforpeopletoleave.Tr
ist
anhaslef
tandIam
sureNtet
he..
..
.ImeanMrKhumal ohasleftal
ready.
Fif
icamemywayasshewasal readydr
essedup
whil
eIwasst i
llcl
eaning.
Fi
fi
:"Ihopeyouar
eok,
Iwaswor
ri
ed"
Me:
"Iam now.Thankyou"
Fi
fi
:"wel
lbyebabes"
Me:
"Ki
ssl
etl
ogonol
oforme"
Fi
fi
:"wi
lldoso"
Shewavedandwal kedof f
.If i
nishedthewhol e
garageandIwentt odiscardthewat eranditwas
gett
ingabi tdark.IhopeIwi llf
indtaxi'
s.Iwentt o
washmyhandsf ir
stbeforeIwentt ochangei nt
o
mycl ot
hes.Iwaswear i
ngabl ackskirtwit
hawhi te
offshoulderandsandal s,it'
ssummersoi t'
shot
evenwhent hesuni sgoingdown.Iwal kedoutof
myspaceandwentoutt hegar agewhi l
ewavi ngat
thesecurit
yguygoodbye.Iwentt othestopandI
waitedforanytaxitoappr oachwhi l
eonmyphone.
Itextdadandhesayshei sst i
llatworkbuthei s
abouttoknockof f
.GoodIwi llarri
vefi
rstandhave
tocook.ReallyIfeellazythesedaysandKhul uza
i
sgonnahaveaf itaboutthat.Iputmyphone
awayandIsawat axiapproachingandseemst o
havepeopleinit
.I tstoppedinfrontofme.The
conductorgotoffandIt ookapeakandever yoneis
seated.
Me:
"it
'sf
ull"
Hi
m:"geti
nmysi
ster
.Onei
sgonnabedr
oppedof
f
ont
heway"
Isi
ghed.Ineedtobehomeandmaybet hi
smight
bethel
asttaxit
hissi
de.Igoti
nandhewasabout
tocl
osethedoorwhenhegotstoppedbysomeone.
"Cel
ausi
silohehl
euhambaNam (cant
hisl
adyget
out,
shei
sleavi
ngwit
hme)"
Il
ookedathi
m.Whatishedoing?Peopl
elook
angryandwantt
ogo.Heletouthi
shandformet
o
stepout.
Hi
m:"Let
'sgo"
It
'snotanaskbutacommandandIstepoutwith
hishel
pandtheconduct
orget
sinanditdr
ivesoff
.
Hi
m:"come"
Hepul l
smetohiscar
.ThenavyGTIandopenst he
doorformeandIgeti
nandhecl osesit.Haibo
Andiswawhyareyoucozyinafrontseatofyour
boss'scar
.Themanismar r
iedforsurebecauseof
thel
adyyousawi nhi
soff
ice.Hegetsinthecarand
l
ooksatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whatar
eyout
hinki
ngabout?"
Me:
"ar
eyoumar
ri
ed?"
Ij
ustbl
urt
edt
hat.Icover
edmymout
h.
Me:
"uhm sor
ry"
Hechuckl
edandst
art
edhi
scaranddr
oveof
f.
Ther
ewassil
ence.
Me:
"So.
..
.?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Youar
eanamazi
ngchar
act
eryou
know"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Sot
heansweri
syes?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"doIl
ookmar
ri
ed?"
Me: "Isawapi
ctur
eofal
adyi
nyourof
fi
cesoI
assumedyou..
..
."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"that
'smysi
ster,
thi
sishercar"
Hef
ixedhi
msel
font
heseatandl
ookedahead
Me:
"oh"
Ther
ewassi
lenceagai
n.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Doyouhavesi
bli
ngs?"
Doeshewantmysi
ster?TheoneIdon'
thaver
ight
.
Me:
"noIam t
heonl
ychi
ld"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Mama'
sbaby?"
Me:
"Daddi
espr
incess"
Hechuckl
ed
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yousound5"
Me:
"Anyki
ds?"
Heshookhisheadwhilesighi
ng.SoIguesswe
won'
tgothereri
ght.Idi
rectedhim homeandhe
st
oppedinf
rontofthegate.Thehouseli
ght
swer e
onandIam suredadishere.Itookofft
heseatbel
t.
Me:
"thankyouMrK"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Sur
ethi
ngMsBhengu"
Iwaslosti
nhi
sgazesomehowunt
ilhecl
ear
edhi
s
thr
oatandIst
eppedout
.
Me:
"thankyouagai
n"
HenoddedandIcl osedthedoorandwal
kedt
ot he
gateandIopeneditandlockedi
tandhewassti
ll
parkedt
here.Iwalkedinsi
dethehouset
henIheard
thecarl
eave.Il
ockedthedoor.
"Ubanil
oyah?"
Ij
umped.
Me:
"Khul
u"
Ir
ant
ohugher
.
Me:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Khul
uza:
"whoist
hatmanthatdr
oppedyou?
Usuqomi
le?(
Youaredat
ing?)"
Me:
"noi
t'
sanUbergogo"
Li
es,
Icoul
dn'
tsaymybossdr
oppedmeof
f.
Khul
uza:
"mmmh"
Me:
"wher
eisdad?"
Khul
uza:"bat
hing.Youshouldbathaswell
soyou
caneatandwewi l
ldi
scussyourceremonyfornext
week"
Nextweekt hegirlisturni
ng21meani nguMemul o
(21stcelebrati
onint heZulucult
ure)wher ewewi l
l
cel
ebratemekeepi ngmypur i
tyandneverhavi nga
boyfr
iendbef or
esoIam soexci t
ed.Dadhadbeen
savi
ngever yyearsayi nghewant stodothatf orme
whent hetimecomesandmakei tabi gcelebrati
on.
Wewi llhavetogot oekhayaelikhulu(ourhome
ori
gin,Bhengusi deofcause)inHl ati
khulu,Escourt
Kzn.
Iwentt
oboilwat
erandwenttotakeabat
hand
af
tert
hatigotdr
essedandchar
gedmyphoneandI
wenttothekitchenandoutsi
detodi
scardthewater
andcamebacki nsi
del
ockingandIwenttotakemy
foodandjoinedmyt wofavour
it
epeopl
e.Isatnext
toKhuluza
Dad:
"howwasyoursecondday?"
Me:"di
sast
erbaba.Iembar
rassedmysel
finf
ront
oft
heowner"
Dad:
"di
dheshoutatyou?"
Me:
"no"
Dad:
"goodcausehehasnor
ight
s"
Khuluza:
"Sundaywear
esupposedt
oleavef
or
Hlat
ikhul
u"
Me:
"butt
heeventi
sonSat
urday"
Khuluza:
"kumel
eugonqei
vikil
onke(
youhavet
o
beindoor
sthewhol
eweek)"
Me:
"doi
ngwhat?"
Khuluza:
"youwillpr
acti
cesongswi
thot
hervi
rgi
n
maidensfr
om theareaandyouwon'
tseemenfor
t
hatt i
meperi
od."
Me:"yoh,
Idon'
tknowifatwor
ktheywi
llgi
vemea
weekoffsi
nceIstar
tedt
hisweek"
Iam goi
ngtobefir
ed.Thi
sisincompet
entbutI
wantthi
stoo.Ihavewait
edforthi
sdayforyear
s.
Khul
uza:
"youhavetogett
hisdone.Iam pr
oudof
youmychi
ld.Notal
otofgi
rl
syouragearesti
llpur
e
"
Ismi
ledandki
ssedhercheek.
Me:
"thankyouKhul
u"
Dad:
"andme?Iam payi
ngf
orever
ythi
ng"
Il
aughedandputmyf
ooddownandwentt
osi
ton
hi
slapandheti
ckl
edme.
Me:
"Iam sor
rydaddy"
Dad:
"ki
sst
hecheek"
Iki
sshi
scheek
Me:
"Il
oveyoudad"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
ooangel"
Weat
eandIwashedt
hedi
shes,
not
imet
obel
azy
andwentt
osl
eepaf
ter.
.
.
ThenextmorningIwokeupearl
iert
hanIusually
wakeup.ThisisKhuluzawearetal
kingabout.I
wenttoboi
lthekett
leforwat
erandwheni twas
doneIwenttobathandshewalkedinwhileIwas
get
ti
ngdressed.
Khul
uza:
"doyouwantmet
odoyourhai
r?"
Me:
"yohpl
ease"
Shetookaafrocombandsatmedownonmybed
andshestart
eddoingmyhair.Shedidtworow
BennyandBettyandit
salwaysneatandni
cewith
Khuluzaanddadaswell.
Me:
"thankyou"
Iki
ssedhercheek.
Khul
uza:
"Imadel
unchf
oryouandyourf
ather"
Me:
"wenaKhul
uIneedt
omar
ryyou"
Khul
uza:
"mar
rymewi
thyourl
azybut
t"
Me:
"Iam nott
hatl
azyt
hough"
Sheraisedherbr
owandwalkedoutandIl
aughed.
It
ookmybagandIwal kedoutandwegotinThe
ki
tchen.Dadwasdoneeati
ng.
Da:
"mor
ningangel
"
Me:
"mor
ningdaddy"
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Dad:
"Ihavet
orush.Bye"
Her
ushedoutandIsatdownandat
e.
Khul
uza:"lendabazenuZamaUberubuhanji
swa
owesi
fazane(thisUbert
hingofyour
s.Wereyou
dr
oppedof fbyawoman?) "
Iswol
lowedt
hehott
eaf
astandchoked.
Khul
uza:
"what
'st
hepr
obl
em ?"
Shesai
dget
ti
ngwat
er.
Me:
"thet
eai
shot"
Khul
uza:
"andyouonl
ychoket
oday"
Ist
oodup.
Me:
"Ineedt
oleavef
orwor
k"
It
ookmyl
unchboxandki
ssedhercheek
Me:
"byeKhul
uza"
Khul
uza:
"Andi
swa!"
Sheshout
edaft
ermeandIwasout
.Yoht
hatwas
cl
ose.Igotat
axiandwentt
owor
k
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
.
.
Li
keshar
eandcomment
[
09/
17,
18:
11] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t4
AweekhaspassedandTr i
stangavemeaweekof f
.
Ii
nvitedFif
ibutshesai dshewoul dn'tmakei t.
Rightnowwear emaki ngourwayt oourhome
steadandboyam Iexci t
edf orthi
swhol ethingto
happen.Thej uniortaxistoppedinfrontofourhome
andIgotoutrunni nginside.Younot iceIgetexcit
ed
overlit
tl
ethi
ngs.
Me:
"Jabul
il
e!!"
Ishoutandsheappear
sandIjumponherandshe
catchesmewhil
ewegi ggl
e.
Jabul
il
e:"yohawusemdal
aMnt
akaBhut
i(youar
e
sooldmybr ot
her
schil
d)"
Me:
"Iam t
allasyounow"
Jabul
il
e:"t
all
ert
hanme"
Shelaughedwhil
epatt
ingmyheadwhenshe
knowsIam abitshor
tert
hanher
.
Jabuli
le:"Si
yamthanda!NanguuAndi
swausef
iki
le!
(Siyamthanda,Andi
swahasarri
ved)"
Therewassingi
ngandcl
appingandgirl
sappear
ed
wit
hSiyamthandal
eadi
ngthem astheysang
t
radi
ti
onalsongs.
Si
yamt
handa:
"(si
ngi
ng)Phel
aMi
nangi
zwe!"
Gi
rl
s:"ngi
zwe,
phel
aMi
nangi
ntombi!
Si
yamthanda:
"AwuPhel
aMi
nangi
zwe!,
Phel
a
Minangi
ntombi"
Theysur
roundedmewhi letheyweresi
ngi
ngand
danci
ngandIwasdoi ngthesame.Icandance,
The
menaroundtheyar
dandmot hersandKhul
uza
werewhist
li
ngandululat
ing.
"Yourpr
icei
swayt
oohi
gh
youneedt
ocuti
t
Cuti
t,cuti
t,cuti
t
Cuti
t,cuti
t,cuti
t
Cuti
t,cuti
t,cuti
t
Yourpr
icei
swayt
oohi
gh
youneedt
ocuti
t
Yourpr
icei
swayt
oohi
gh
Youneedt
ocuti
t.!"
SiyamthandaandIscr eamedasThecardr ovei n.It
wasmyf at
her'syoungerbrot
her,babomncane
Xolani.Heisthedopestuncleever,hoebuthei sso
cool.HehasaSonanddaught erwhoar eteenagers.
Thesongi sloudenought obeheardandwest art
dancing.
Khul
uza:
"XolanimsanganoMunil
ohawudl
alayo
(WhatmadnesstheXolanii
spl
ayi
ng?)
"
Si
ya:
"it
'sDopesongsgogo"
Hestopst
hecarandget
soutandweal
lrunt
ohi
m
buthecat
chesmefi
rst
.
Jabuli
le:
"Udl
alakabiAndi
swa(youpl
aydi
rt
y
Andiswa)"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"ncane"
Hechuckl
es.
Xol
ani:
"theangelkagogonobabawayo"
Ismil
esweet
lyandSi
yagr
eet
sandhei
snotwi
th
hiski
ds.
Me:
"wher
eisBandi
leandNhl
anzeko?"
Xol
ani:
"theywi
llbeher
eSat
urday"
Wenodded
Khul
uza:"yougirl
sneedtobat
hsot
hatyouwi
llbe
pr
eparedforyourl
ockdown"
Wegr oan.Iam notreadyf
orthatbutatthesame
ti
mewegett odonot hi
ngsowinwinbasi cal
ly.No
cellphones,Nothi
ng.Khuluzaisdeter
mi nedby
that.
.
.
Yohit'
sdr ainingwhatisgoi ngon.Iam t i
redof
pract
icingsongsdayi nanddayout .Imi sstal
king
todadandIhaven' tseenhim sinceSundaywhen
wecameher e.Wehaven' tbathedsinceSunday
andnowi t'
sFr i
daysoyoucani maginenjethelack
ofhygienewehave.Wewer ecoveredinubomvu(I
calli
tAf r
icanSkinmask/ sunprotector)Idon'
t
knowwhywehadi tonsincewewer ealways
i
ndoor sandnowedi dn'
tseeanymakes.Ther ewas
aknockontherondalt
hatwewer
einandMer cy
poppedherheadinwit
hadoekontheheadanda
l
ongdressholdi
ngmyAngel.
Me:
"Heybabycomet
oaunt
yNdi
swa"
Shest
eppedbackcl
enchi
ngonhermot
her
.
Me:
"whatdi
dyoudot
oherMer
cy?
"
Mer
cy:
"not
hinghawu.Angelgot
odaddy"
Shewalksout.Yol
andadoesn'
twantmeanymore.I
feelabi
tsad.Mercygr
eetsthegi
rl
sandt
heygreet
back.
Mercy:
"awusemubichomi(youar
esougl
ymy
f
ri
end)"
Me:
"mxm.Youar
eli
ket
hat"
Shegi
ggl
ed
Mer
cy:
"af
tert
hisdayt
hegi
rlcangetl
aid"
Me:
"ifKhul
uhear
dyousayt
hatshewi
llchopyou"
Mercy:
"alreadyshemademeper
for
m wi
feydut
ies
onSandi
le.Heisamusedbyi
t"
Ilaugh.MeandmyBestfr
iendar
esol azyIt
ellyou.
Thedooropenswhil
ewet al
kandthenKhuluzawi t
h
Jabuli
leandot
hervi
ll
agewomenwal kedinthe
room .
Khul
uza:"Ni
zohl
olwa(wear
egonnacheckyour
vi
rgi
nit
y)"
Mer
cyst
oodup.
Mer
cy:
"goodl
uckf
ri
end"
Me:
"thanksyoh"
Shewalkedout.Wewer etol
dtol
ayonourbacks
andlegsup.Heehthatmademesouncomf or
tabl
e.
Theycheckedourvi
rgi
nit
yandweallseemedtobe.
Khuluza:"Good.KnowAndiswaevenifyoufoolour
eyestheancestor
swillr
evealyouandexposeyou
tomorrow"
Me:
"don'
twor
ry"
Shesmi
ledandwal
kedout
.
Si
ya:
"Iam sur
emycooki
esmel
ls.6days"
Wel
aughed.Wepr
act
icedsomesongst
il
llat
eand
t
henwesl
eptaf
ter
.Ican'
twai
tformydayt
omor
row
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
"Ser
iousl
yIhat
ethi
szoni
ngof
fthatyoudo"
Isnappedoutf rom what everwor l
dIwasi nand
l
ookedatKwando.Hei smybusi nesspartneras
wellnotwi thVolkswagenbr anchesthoughbutwe
dohaveagar agetoget herthatsel
lspreownedcar s
thatar estil
linverymuchgoodshape.Fr om
Mer cedest oLandRover, Must angs,Maser at
i'sas
wellandwehaveanot hergaragetogetherwherewe
sellGer meni mportedcar s,andf r
om t
hatweget
Milli
onsf rom ri
chbor edhusband' swhoj ustbuy
carsf ortheirboredwives.Hecal lsoutformeagai n
andIl ookathi m again.
Kwando:
"whatar
eyout
hinki
ngof?"
Isi
ghed.Ican'
ttel
lhi
m whatIam t
hinki
ngof
for
who?
Me:
"Ihaveasl
ighthead"
Kwando:
"wewi
lldi
scussbusi
nesst
omor
row"
Me:"Let
'smeetupMonday.MaybeIwi
llbebet
ter
byt
hen"
Kwando:
"sur
e"
Hest oodupandwal kedout.Isighedandtookmy
phoneandsear chedforAndiswaBhengubutI
foundnot hi
ngonallsoci
alplat
formsthatr
elat
eto
her.Diff
erentAndi
swaBhengu' sbutnother.I
sighedandputmyphonedownandpour edsome
whisky.
Me:
"Whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
ome?"
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
12] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t5

Wewer ewokenupbyKhul uzaandi twasver year ly

Int hemor ning.Youwoul dsweart hatshei snot
thatol dt hewaysheal wayswakesupear ly.We
hadt obecover edinbl anket sandwal kedout
singi ng.Itwasal i
ghtishl iket hesunhascameout
andwewal kedt other iverwhi lesingi
ngsongst hat
wehadpr acticed.Wegott her eandOt hersstarted
fi
rstbat hing.Wewer egonnabat hbytheriverand
getdr essedt her ebefor egoi ngback.Thosewho
wer ewai ti
ngwer est i
llsingi ngandt hosewhower e
bat hingwentt obat h.Weal lbathedandgot
dressedi nwhi tetr
adi ti
onalski rtandwhi t
ebeads
andnowedi dn'tcoverourboobs.Luckymemi ne
aremedi um per kyandupr ightsoIwasl uckywi th
that .Wef ini
shedget tingdr essedandGogospi l
led
i
nyongoovermeandt hent heyputumhl wehlwe
overmeandi thadt obest uckonmeandmust n't
fallfort hewhol edayi fIam avi rgi
n.Khul uzasai d
ani cehear twar mingspeechandIsheddedaf ew
tearsbef or ewemadeourwaybackt ot heyar d
singing.I twasver ynicebeingi nther uralsand
celebr atingsuchawonder fulthingwi ththel adi es.I
wasdanci ngtooandIwasn' taf r
aidbecauseyou
onlygett hisonce.Whenweent eredtheyar dit
wasf ullandabomamawer eUlul at
ingwhi lemy
fatherwasdoi nghi sdancei nf
r ontofmeal lhappy
andal l
.I twasanamazi ngsightt osee.Wedanced
,Sangandgotal otofmoneypi nnedonme.
Umhl wehl wewasst i
llonmeandt hatwasst illso
farsogood.Idancedonmyownaswel land
Khul uzawasci rculat
ingmewhi l
ewavi ngawhi te
clothi nt heai r
.Iwashappygenui nely.Myeyes
l
andedonhi m sit
ti
ngamoungstt hemenwhower e
wat chingandshar ingZulubeer .Iswal l
owed.What
i
shedoi ngher e?Howdi dheknowwher eIl ive?
Whoi nfor medhi m ofsuchanevent. Iswal lowand
hest andsupandwal kstowardsme, Iam sweat i
ng.
Isuddenl yfeelhotterthanbefor e.Het akesouta
fewhundr edrand'sandpi nsthem onmybeddi ngs
andwhi sper sinmyear .
"Umuhl
eNt
okazi(youar
ebeaut
if
ul)
"
Isuddenl
yf eelmykneesf ai
lmeandhedoesaf ew
Movesbef orehegoesandsi t
sdown.Hei sgood.
Hesmi l
esandIl ookawaybef orethosedi
mples
l
uremei n.Thecer emonysubsidesandnowi t
's
ti
met oeatandt obejol
ly.Iwalkinsi
dethehouse.
Me:"Jabul
il
eawumbonangauMer
cy?(Jabul
il
edi
d
youseeMercy)
"
Jabul
il
e:"shei
sinKhul
uza'
sroom "
Me:
"thankyou"
Iwal
ktot
hebedr
oom andshei
slayi
ngYol
andat
o
sl
eep.
Mer
cy:
"youwer
ebeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"Hei
sher
e"
Isaycl
osi
ngt
hedoor.
Mer
cy:
"whoi
sher
e?"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloMer
cy!
"
Shegi
vesmeal
ook.
Me:
"myboss.TheguyIembar
rassedmysel
fto.
Mer
cy:
"ohwow.That
's.
..
.wowIwannaseehi
m"
Me:
"No"
Mercy:
"ok.Ngi
zom'
bonakodwa(Iwi
llseehi
m
t
hough)"
Me:"whyam Iworkedup,
wearenotdoi
ng
anyt
hingbutwhati
shedoi
nghere?"
Ther
eisaknockont
hedoor
.
Jabul
il
e:"comeandser
vet
hemen"
Shi
t!
Mer
cy:
"change"
Shehandsmeaor angepri
ntedmer
maiddresst
hat
i
sbobtubewithit
sheadwr apandWhit
ewedges.
Shedi
dmyhai rnicelyandputabi
tofmakeupon
me.Icouldn'
tseemysel f
.
Mer
cy:
"nowyouar
eahotvi
rgi
n"
Wel
aughedandwal
kedoutt
ogoandser
ve.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
IheardTr i
st ansayt hatsheisnotatwor kbecause
shehasacer emonyt oattend.Iaskedt heother
cleaningladyandshesai dit'sherMemul othis
weekendsoshehast ogoaweekear ly.Iwas
amazedt oheart hat.NotthatIt houghtshewas
l
oosebuti tat t
ract edmemor etoher .If oundout
herlocati
onandIdr ovedownt hereforhour sand
arri
vedast hecer emonywasi nt hemi ddle.Iwas
capturedbyher.Thewayshedancedandhowhi gh
herlegcangoandt hewayshemovedherhi psand
waist.Icanal r
eadyi magi
net het hingsshewoul d
dot ome. Myf ingersrunningt houghhercar amel
skindippedi nmi lkonmychocol ateskin.Thought s
thatsentshi versdownmyspi ne.Shewasshocked
toseemeandIwashappyt oseeher .Genuinely.I
compl iment edherandshewasmor ethanbeaut i
ful
.
ShewasanAf ricanQueen.
Nowt
heshowi
soverandwear
eaboutt
obeser
ved.
IseeSandil
eandwonderi ft
heyar
efamily.Sandi
le,
Sandil
eVazi.Wehaveknowneachot hersi
ncehigh
school
.Hardcoregangsteri
nasui
t.Hedoesn't
wanttohidebehindi
tbuthehasnochoicesincehe
i
smar ri
ed.Hemakeshi swaytomeoncehesees
meandwemanhug.
Me:"Ndodaangi
sakwazi(ManIdon'
tknowyou
anymore)"
Sandi
le:"Youaret
heonewhomovedt
oPr
etor
ia
aft
eryourbusi
nessboomed"
Me:
"andi
t'
sboomi
ng.Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Sandi
le:
"Wecameher
eforAndi
swa'
s21st"
Me:
"ohyou'
ref
ami
l
y.Idi
dn'
tknow"
Henar
rowedhi
seyebr
ows.
Sandi
le:
"Whatr
elat
esyout
oMyl
ilsi
ster?"
Heisputt
ingonhisi
nti
midat
inggangst
erf
acebut
t
hatdoesn'tmoveme.
Me:
"Wewor
ktoget
her"
Hel
ooksmei
nmyeyes.Thenhi
swi
feappear
s.
Mer
cy:
"HeyNt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"Hel
loMer
cy"
Wehug.
Mer
cy:
"babycomeyourf
oodi
sready"
Sandi
le:
"Ok"
Mer
cy:
"gr
eetUnat
hif
ormeNt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"(f
akesmi
le)Wi
lldo"
ShewalksoffandSandil
eturnstome.Iseeher
walki
ngaroundinherbeauti
fulor
angedr
ess.I
t'
s
l
ikeEver
yti
meIseeher .Iseeherfort
hefi
rstt
ime.
Sandi
le:
"Noman!"
Me:
"what?"
Sandil
e:"Unat
hiwil
lgocr
azyandIwon'
tletyoudo
Andiswali
kethat"
Me:
"doherl
ikewhat?"
Sandil
e:"MakeheryourSi
dechi
ck,
Mist
ress
whateveri
tis"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"Idon'
thavebadi
ntent
ions.Idi
dn'
tdoanyt
hing
"
Sandil
e:"butthoseeyest
elladi
ff
erentst
ory.St
ay
awayfrom herKhumalooryouwillf
ace
consequences"
Me:
"ist
hatat
hreatVazi
?"
Ist
eppedcl
osert
ohi
m.
"MrKhumal
o"
Il
ookedbesi
demeandshewasnextt
ome.
Sandi
le:
"Getr
idofi
tmyf
ri
end"
Hepattedmybackandwal kedoff.Ican'
tgetr
idof
whateverf
eel
ingIf
eelwhenIt hi
nkorseeAndiswa.
Justli
kenowsheisst
andinginfrontofme.
Me:
"hi"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:
"Hi,
Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
St
rai
ghtt
othepoi
nt.
Me:
"Icamet
oseeyou"
Andi
swa:
"oh,
youhaveseenmenow"
Me:
"umuhl
e(youar
ebeaut
if
ul)
"
Shesmi
leswhi
leshyi
ngawayandIchuckl
e.
Andi
swa:"Thankyou.Mygr
andmot
heri
sthi
nki
ng
ot
herwi
seri
ghtnowIknow"
Il
ookbehindherandanoldladyi
slooki
ngatus
wi
thafrownandwel augh.
Me:
"Iam aboutt
oleave.ButIhaveagi
ftf
oryou"
Andi
swa:
"that
'si
nappr
opr
iat
e"
Me:
"it
'st
osayhappybi
rt
hday"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:"Iwil
lmeetyouatyourcar
.Letmeget
somefoodforyou"
Me:
"youdon'
thavet
o"
Andi
swa:
"youcan'
tleaveonanempt
yst
omach."
Shewal
ksaway.Ilookatherandthenmyeyes
l
andonthegrandmotherandshesmilesandwal
ks
off
.Wei
rd.IgotomycarandIt akeoutmyphone
andseemissedcal
lsfrom Unathi
.Isi
ghandput
myphoneaway.Aftersomet i
meAndiswacomes
backwit
hbowelsandcokeandhandsi tt
ome.
Me:
"al
otoff
ood"
Andi
swa:
"meneatal
otsot
heyneedt
obef
ed"
Ismi
le.
Me:
"thankyou"
It
akeoutherboxedpr
esentandgi
vei
ttoher
.
Andi
swa:
"canIopeni
t?"
Me:
"notnowt
hough"
Shesulks.Ismi
le.Shel
ookscute.HowdidIget
capt
uredbyherinsuchasmal lspaceoft
ime.She
i
slookingatmeasIam looki
ngather .
Me:
"Andi
swaIwantyou"
Iam sorr
ydi
dIj
ustbl
urtt
hatout
.IguessIdi
d.I
t'
s
ri
ghtther
enow.
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
eloyouar
emyboss.I
..
..
"
Ist
epcl
osert
oherandt
aket
hepr
esentandputi
t
ont
het
opoft
hecarandpul
lhert
ome.
Me:
"Tr
ist
ani
syourbossnotme"
Herbreathi
ngissl
owandsof
t.Icanf
eelt
hatshe
wil
llooseherbal
ance.
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Ihol
dhercheek.
Me:
"gi
vemeachanceAndi
swa"
Sheput
sherhandsonmychest
.
Andi
swa:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Mybodyfeel
sti
ngl
eswhenshesai
dthatandI
l
ookedather
.
Me:
"gi
veusaachance"
Shei
ssi
lent
.Iwanther,
Iyear
nher
.
"Andi
swa!"
Shepushesher
sel
fof
fmyar
ms.
Andi
swa:
"Ihavet
ogo.Thanksf
orcomi
ng"
Shetakeshergi
ftandwal
ksof
f.It
urnandki
ckt
he
cart
ires.
Me:
"damn!"
Igr
oanandl
ookatmydi
ckpr
int
.Shedoesn'
tknow
howmuchsheaf
fect
sme.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
12] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t6

Iwalkedbacki
nsi
detheyar
dandIwentthr
ought
he
ki
tchenwheret
heladi
eswereseat
edandhavi
nga
chat.
Siyamt
handa:"youlef
twit
halotoff
ood.Doyou
haveaboyfr
iendthatwasher
e?"
Il
ookedatherthi
nkingaboutwhatNt
ethel
elosai
d
andIlaughedi
toff
.
Me:
"NoIdon'
thaveone"
Mer
cy:
"wher
eisyourboss?"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Boss?
!Youar
edat
ingyourboss?
!"
Me:
"shhdon'
tshoutkant
ihowar
eyou?"
Shecl
osedhermout
h.
Me:
"Iam notdat
ingmyboss"
"Andi
swa!"
Me:
"Khul
u!?"
Khul
uza:
"Comeher
e"
OhmyGod.Ist
oodup.
Me:
"youseeyourbi
gmout
hSi
ya"
Si
yamt
handa:
"sor
ry"
It
hrewacl
othatherandwentt
oKhul
uza'
sroom .
Me:
"Khul
uza?"
Khul
uza:
"cl
oset
hedoor"
Icl
osedi
twhi
lebr
eat
hingout
.
Khul
uza:
"whoi
sthatmanyouwer
est
andi
ngwi
th
andt
hinkt
wicebef
orel
ying"
Shoot
.Iam i
ntr
oubl
e.
Me:
"Khul
uza"
Khul
uza:
"shoul
disayi
tagai
n?"
Me:
"no"
Khul
uza:
"Ushadi
le?(I
shemar
ri
ed?)
"
Me:
"Cha(no!
)"
Khul
uza:
"Howdoyouknow?
"
Me:
"het
oldme"
Khul
uza:
"mmmhhel
ooksl
ikei
t."
Me:
"whatdoyoumean?"
Khuluza:
"it
'smyeyesacti
ngupmaybe.Goand
fet
chwaterformetodri
nkmypil
ls"
Inoddedandst oodupandwentt ogetherwat er
andshedr ankherpil
lsthenrest
edabi t.Iwent
backtositwit
ht hel
adiesandMer cyandSandi l
e
hadtoleave.Ihuggedt hem andKissedYolanda
goodbyeandt heyleft
.Iwentt olookfordadandI
f
oundhi
m out
sidedanci
ngwi
thBabomncane.
Me:
"Daddy"
Iheldhi
mfrom behi
ndandhehookedhi
sar
m
aroundme.
Dad:
"angel"
Me:
"thankyouf
ort
his.Iappr
eci
atei
t"
Dad:
"anyt
hingt
omakeyousmi
le.Youar
eol
dnow
"
Il
aughedandheki
ssedmyf
orehead
Me:
"Iam t
ir
ed.Iam goi
ngt
orest"
Dad:"youwil
lleaveear
li
ert
hanme.Iwi
llcome
backTuesday"
Me:
"hawuMi
na?(Andme?)"
Dad:
"you'
vegotwor
kangelr
emembert
hat"
Isul
kedandheki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Dad:
"gor
est"
Iwenti
nsi
dethehouseandIboi
ledsomewaterto
bat
hwithandIwenttot
akeabath.Aft
eroneIgot
dressedinpyj
amasandwentt odiscar
dthewat er
andbr ushmyteethbef or
eIwentt owherewesl ept
before.Theothergirl
salreadylef
tandit'
sjustme,
Siyamthanda,
Nhl anzeko,Phil
isi
weandThandi swa.
Thandiswa:
"youreventwassobeaut
if
ul.Ir
eal
ly
wishedfori
t"
Me:"wewil
lhavet
hebestpar
tyf
oryoubef
oreyou
getmar
ri
ed."
Welaughedandchat tedabitbefor
emyphoner ang
anditwasapr ivat
enumber.Whocoul dbecal
li
ng
mewi t
haprivat enumber?Iignoreditandi
trang
agai
nandIst oodupandt ookitoutsi
debecauseit
wasnoisyi
nsi de.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Isai
dwhi
lef
ixi
ngmygown.
Si
gh
"Andi
swa"
Myheartbeatsf
ast
.Whydoest
hismanhasa
suddenef
fectonme?
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam ok,
whydi
dyoucal
l?"
Ntet
helel
o:"Justwant
edt ocheckuponyouand
wantedtohearyourvoice"
MycheeksheatupandIsitont
hebi
grocki
nfr
ont
ofmeandtakeasti
ckint
omyhandwhilepl
ayi
ng
wit
hit
.
Me:
"uhambekahl
e?(Yout
ravel
edwel
l?)
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yeahIdi
d,t
hankyou"
Ther
ewassi
lence.I
twasn'
tawkwar
d.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"yes?"
Hesi
ghed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaungenzani?(Andi
swawhat
ar
eyoudoingtome?)"
Me:
"How?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ican'
tst
opt
hinki
ngaboutyou"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"youar
emyboss"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whenar
eyoucomi
nghome?"
Me:
"(si
gh)Iam l
eavi
ngt
omor
row"
Ntethel
elo:"wecantravelt
ogether
.Iam i
n
pi
etermaritzbur
g,Icamet ocheckmybranch
beforegoinghome."
Isi
ghed.Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
"Ok"
Ihearhi
m br
eat
hout
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"seeyout
hen"
Me:
"Goodni
ght"
HehangsupandIsi
tther
eanddr
awont
hef
loor
.
Whati
sgoingon?
.
.
Iwokeupi
nthemorni
ngandhelpedwithcl
eani
ng
andgoi
ngt
ofetchwat
erf
rom t
her i
verandthebuzz
aroundthehousewasst i
llt
here.Iwenttotakea
bathandt henIgotdressedinaPeachsummer
dresswithwhitesandalsandt i
edmyhair.Ihad
packedalready.Iwenttokhuluza'
sroom andshe
waswi t
hdadandncane.
Me:
"Sengi
yindl
ela(Iam onmyway)
"
Dad:
"comeher
eangel"
Iwentt
ohim andwehuggedandIhuggedKhul
uza
andNcane.
Ncane:
"behave"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iwi
llncane."
Khul
uza:
"let
'spr
ayf
oryoursaf
etr
ip"
Wesangsomechur chsongsandt henwepr ayed
forasafetri
p,ialsoaddedt heNtethel
eloissuei n
ther
eandcanGodgui demecauseIknowIwi l
lfal
l
i
ntotempt at
ion.Imeant hemani swalking
temptat
ion.Wesai dourAmensandwewal kedout .
Sheddedaf ewgoodbyet earshereandt here.Iam
gonnami ssbeinghere.DecemberIam def init
ely
goingtocomeback.TheJuni ortaxiWaswaiti
ng
formeasdadl oadedmyl uggageinthebootand
closed.Ihuggedhim sni
ffi
ng.
Dad:
"Iwi
llbebackTuesday"
Me:
"Iwi
llbel
onel
yathome"
Dad:
"maybeyoushoul
dst
artgoi
ngoutt
hen"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"Il
oveyoudad"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
ooangel'
Ihughi
m moreandhedoest
hesame.Myf i
rstl
ove
,al
waysbemyfir
stl
ove.WebrokethehugandIgot
i
nthecryi
ngandwavedandt
hej uni
ort
axidr
oveoff.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Ist
ayedatSt
ayeasyhot
elbyLi
ber
tyMi
dlandsmal
l
becauseitwascl osertomybranch.Notevena5
minutedri
ve.Ihadj ustpoppedinthi
smor ni
ngt
o
checkifeveryt
hingisokandsoast hebooksand
theyseem tobei norder.Aphonecallcomes
throughmyphoneandIl ookedati
tbeforeI
answered.
Me:
"Unat
hi"
Unat
hi:
"BabeIam st
randedi
nSandt
on"
Me:
"Howcome?"
Isai
dwi
thaf
rown.
Unat
hi:"Ineedt
helimitt
obeuppedabit
.Ijustsaw
t
hisGucciheadwrapandohmyGodi twil
lmake
melooklikeast
yli
shfarm gi
rl"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"sur
e"
Unat
hi:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"met
oo.Ihavet
ogo.Iwantyouhomet
oday"
Unat
hi:
"sur
e.Mncwaa"
IhangupandIuppedt
hel
imi
tbyR20000.Unat
hi
canspendandIl ovet hatshespendsmymoneybut
sheoverdoesi tatt i
mes.WhospendsR40000i n
twohour s?That'sher .Memor iescamebackof
thedayImether .Shewasf iestyandanon
nonsensegirl
.Al waysaf i
ght erandchall
engesme
,Keepsmeonmyt oesandt henAndi swapopsi nt
o
myhead.Il ovehowcal m shei s.Ifindherli
kea
puzzle.I
t'
sli
keshei sanopenbookyetshei sn'
t.I
feell
ikeshewillkeepmeonmyt oesforr
ealwith
herbluntness.Inevert houghtIwoul dhavesucha
drawandi nt
eresti nanot herwoman.It akemy
phoneoutandcal lmyf ather.Heanswer sont he
fi
rstr
ing.
Dad:
"Mbul
azi"
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa,
ninj
ani?(Howar
eyou?)
"
Dad:
"kuyaphi
lekaMf
ana(Iam goodmyboy)
"
Ihat
eitwhenhesayst
hatbutIbr
ushi
tof
f.
Me: "Babakunodabaoluncanelahkodwa
angikwaziukuli
diki
daoci
ngwenikunganjaningize
ekhayamangi khona(Dadther
ei sasmallissueI
wantust otal
kaboutbutwecan' tt
alkaboutit
t
hroughthephone.HowaboutIcomedownhome
whenIcan?)"
Hei
ssi
lent.
Dad:"Iknowabitofwhatyouwantt
otal
kabout
butIwil
lwaitf
oryou"
Me:
"ok"
HehangsupandIputawayal lt
hepaperworkand
al
lthebooksIwaslooki
ngatandIcal
lAndiswa.A
smileaut
omati
cal
lyappear
suponmyf ace.
Andi
swa:
"Hel
lo"
Hervoi
ce.I
tcal
msmedownsomeway.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Icoul
dhearherbr
eat
hingatt
heot
herend.
Me:
"usukuphi
?(Wher
ear
eyou?
)"
Ihearhert
alkt
osomeoneandt
henshet
alkst
ome.
Andi
swa:
"Iseeamal
lsoIt
hinkwear
ether
e"
Me:
"Ar
eyoui
nacab?"
Andi
swa:
"yes"
Me:"tel
litt
odropyouof
fatVol
kswagen.Iwi
ll
meetyououtsi
de"
Andi
swa:
"ok"
IwastemptedtosaymorebutIendeditt
here.I
tookmycarkeysandIwalkedout.Iwenttomycar
andwaitedabi
tforherandshecal
ledbecauseI
didn'
thi
demynumbert hi
stimeandIanswered.
Andi
swa:
"wear
eatVol
kswagen"
Me:
"OkIam comi
ng"
IlookedatmyselfthengotoffthecarandI
searchedforherandfoundhert aki
ngherbagf rom
thecabdriverandItookoutmywal letandaf ew
hundredsandIgott othem asshewasf iddl
ingher
bag.
Me:
"Ther
ewego.Keept
hechange"
Andi
swa:
"Icanpayf
ormysel
fyouknow"
Il
ookedather
.
Me:
"Iknow"
Iguessmygazewasget
ti
ngt
oomucht
oher
becauseshel
ookedaway.It
ookherbag.
Me:
"let
'sgo.Youhungr
y?"
Andi
swa:
"abi
t"
Me:"ther
eisMcDonaldar
oundthecor
nerand
Nandosoryouwantsomet
hingel
se"
Wegott
omycarandIopenedt
hebootandputher
bagi
nandcl
osedi
t.
Me:
"mmh?"
Ismi
rked.
Andi
swa:
"Somet
hingel
semeani
ng?
"
Shebitherbot
tom l
ip.Godt
hethi
ngssheisdoing
tome.Isteppedclosert
oherandheldherf
ace
bef
orelayi
ngasoftperkandhereyeswerecl
osed.
Me:
"opent
hem "
Sheopenedt
hem andl
ookedatme.
Me:
"Idi
dsayIwantyouandIwantyouAndi
swa"
ShewasabouttospeakbutIleadhertothe
passengersi
deandopenedthedoorforherand
shegoti nandIwentt omysi deandIgoti nand
drovet oMcDonal dt hr
ought hedrivet
hruandwe
orderednugget swithMcFeastandMcf lurr
yand
thenwedr ovetothegar ageandboughtchi psand
sweet sandwat erbottl
esandbi l
tong,biscuit
sfor
theroadt ri
p.Yeswear egonnadr i
vetoPr et
ori
aand
Idon'tmi ndreal
ly.Ipaidandshewasn' thappyand
Ifi
ndt hatsexythatshewant stodomi nateinthat
manner .Wegoti nthecarandbuckl edupandof f
wewent .Iopenedsomemusi c.
Me:"Il
ist
entoawhol
elotofdi
ff
erentmusi
c.Ij
ust
hopeyouli
kei
t"
Shegiggl
edwithasmil
eandshelooksl
ikealit
tl
e
angelwhi
lest
uffedwi
thfoodasIst
oleaglanceat
her.
Andi
swa:
"(swol
lowi
ng)youcanpl
ayi
t"
Iconnect
edmyphoneont
otheBl
uet
oot
hFet
ty
wapstart
edpl
ayi
ng.
"I
'
mli
keyeahshemi
ne
Wonder
ingwhenshe'
l
lbemi
ne
Shewal
kedpastIpr
essedr
ewi
nd
Toseet
hatassonemor
eti
me.
..
..
"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"youknowi
t?"
Andi
swa:
"yeahIknowi
t.
"
Ismi
leandsheshysaway.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Wehavebeensi nginganddanci ngandstuffingour
facessincewel eftpi
etermaritzburg.Honestlythi
s
roadtripwhat everyoucal li
t,isfun.Nowhei s
playi
ngsof tmusi c.AboJazzandRnbmaki ngyoui n
themoodofl ove.Iwasl ayi
ngmyheadont heseat
andIt urnedandl ookathi m.Whati shedoing?
Whenhesmi l
esandshowsof fhowdeephi s
dimplesar e.Hissmi le,Howi tshinessobr i
ghtand
makesyouwantt osmi l
easwel l.Histhi
ckl i
ps, oh
thoselipshowIwi sht obel ostinmyf i
rstkisswi t
h
them.Hi sstronghands.Whatt heywoul ddot ome.
Howwoul dhehandl emei fwewer etomakel ove?
Hest ealsaglanceatmeandIl ookaway, Iclosemy
thi
ghs.Hi scolognealonehasahugeef fectonme
thatIdon'tunderstand.Tinglesrunthroughmy
bodyandIl ookbackathi m andhei slookingatme.
Me:
"Ineedt
hebat
hroom "
Wehavebeenont
heroadforhour
snowandi
t'
s
aboutt
obedar
kasthesunisaboutt
oset
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"okwewi
llst
opsoon"
Inod.Thereissi
lence,
Amandablackwaspl
ayi
ng
Kahle.Thereisapartwher
eitsai
d
"
Itr
eal
lydoesn'
tmat
terwhatanybodyel
sesays
Thi
nasobabi
lit
hat
'sal
lweneed,
needl
ove"
Thatpar
tgott
omeandgotmet hi
nki
ng.I
fLove
comestomewi l
lIt
akei
torl
eavei
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wear
eher
e"
Hepar
kedatt
hegar
age.It
ookof
fmyseatbel
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"doyouneedanyt
hing?"
Me:
"not
hankyou"
HenoddedandIhoppedof fandwentt othe
bathroom.Idi
dmybusi nessandsentamessaget o
dadsayingiam safe.Dadr epl
ieslatewhenit
comest otext
s.Igotoutandwashedmyhandsand
IwalkedoutIfoundNtethel
elooutsideandhe
openedthedoorf ormeandIt hankedhim andhe
gotinandhedr oveoff
.Iwant edtoask.
Me:"whydoyouwantme?Youdon'
tknow me
much."
Ser
iousl
yIcan'
tst
andbei
ngi
nthedar
k.
Heshi
ft
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:"youhavethi
sgoodef
fectonme.
Di
ff
erentanditkeepsondrawi
ngmei nt
oyou"
Iam si
lent,Idon'
tknowwhattosay.Hestopped
thecaratthesideofther
oadandturnedt
ome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"pl
easegi
veusashot"
Idon'
tknow.
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Hehel
dmyf
ace.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"lookatmeAndi
swa"
Idi
d.
Hesi
ghed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"NgifunaMinanawesiyephambil
i
Andi
swa,Ngit
hembe.Ngekengikuphuleinhl
izi
yo(I
wantustogoforwardAndi
swa,tr
ustme.Iwon' t
br
eakyourheart)"
hesai
dthel
astpar
tsof
tl
y.
Ntet
helel
o:"
cel
aungi
phei
thuba(pl
easegi
vemea
chance)"
Helookedi
ntomyeyes.Thi
swholet
imehi
sgaze
wasuponme.Iclearedmythr
oat,
Idi
dn'
tknow
whattosayaft
ert
hat.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
12] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t7

*
NTETHELELO*

Shei ssil
entnextt ome.Shehasn' tsaidanyt hi
ng
si
ncewel eftt
hegar age.Ithinkshei st ryingt o
digestmyask, mypl eat obewi thherandshar e
specialmoment swi thher.Ist ealagl anceather
andshei sasleep.Notevenaf ullmont hand
alreadyher eIam want ingsomet hingwi thher .
Whatdoesshehavet hatalltheot herwomanwho
havet r
iedbei ngwi t
hmecoul dn'tachieve?You
knowt hatsayi ngthatsaysyouhadmeat" Hell
o"?
Yeahwel lshehadmeat" Andiswa".Myphone
ri
ngst hroughoutt hecarandi t
'sconnect edt o
Bluetooth.I t'
sUnathi,anot heronewhoIl ove.Iam
caughtbet weenthet wo, Inevert houghtIwoul d
wanttocheatonUnathibeforebutthi
sisnot
cheat
ingri
ght?Cheati
ngisfil
ledwit
hlust.It
akemy
phoneanddisconnecttheBluet
oothandanswer.
Unat
hi:
"Wher
ear
eyounow?"
Me:
"Iam 30mi
nut
esaway.Iwi
llbet
her
enownow
"
Unat
hi:
"ok,
Iboughtsomet
hingf
oryou"
Shesaysinherseduct
ivevoi
ceandiclearmy
thr
oatandlookatAndi
swawhoi ssoundasleep.
Me:
"Ican'
twai
t"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Unat
hi:
"Okbabymncwaa"
ShehungupandAndiswashif
tedandIcl
ear
edmy
thr
oat
.Shesatupst
retchi
nghersel
f.
Me:
"yout
ookashor
tnap"
Andi
swa:
"Iwasdr
owsy.Ar
ewehomeyet?"
Me:
"wear
eent
eri
ngMamel
odi"
Shenodded.Idrovetoherhouseandpar
kedinf
ront
ofthegateandIhoppedoutandopenedthedoor
forherandshethankedme.Ihelpedherwit
hher
bagwhi l
eshecl
eanedupt hecar
Me:
"leavei
tIwi
llt
akei
ttot
hecarwash"
Andi
swa:
"it
'sj
ustcont
ainer
s.Not
hingdr
ast
ic"
Shesai
dwi
thasmi
l
eandIsmi
ledaswel
l
.
Andi
swa:
"St
opsmi
li
ngpl
ease"
Me:
"(smi
rki
ng)Why?"
Andi
swa:
"Youar
emaki
ngmeshy"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"doest
hatmeant
hatIhaveanef
fectonyou?"
Shetookt
hepl
ast
icf
ullof
frubbi
shandcl
osedt
he
door
.
Andi
swa:
"Maybe"
Shet
ookherbag.
Andi
swa:
"seeyoul
aterMrK"
Shewal
kedof
fandIl
ookedatherswayi
ngherway
tothegat e.Shegoti nandshet urnedtofaceme
whilelockingthegateandshewi nkedandwalked
off
.Ichuckl edwhil
eshakingmyheadl ooki
ngat
her.Seewhatimean?Onemi nutesheisshythe
nextshei slikethi
s.Iloveitt
hough.If i
xmyboner
beforeget t
inginmycarandIdr oveof f.
.
.
*
UNATHI*
.
.
Ihavebeenmar riedtoNt ethelelofor5yearsnow.
It'
sonlythetwoofus, nokidsnot hing.Wel oveit
l
ikethatbecausewel ai
dr ul
est hatwhenwear e
bothreadywewi llhavekids.Ij ustcamebackf rom
Sandtondoingsomeshoppi ngandIwentt otakea
bath.Isoakedmysel finthebat htubwhi l
e
refl
ecti
ngonhowl uckyIam t ohaveamanl i
kehim,
l
ovingandcar i
ngandmostofal lhisdominantside
makesmef al
lforhim deeper .Igotoutoft hebath
tubaftersometimeandIwentt oloti
onmybody
andf i
xedmyhai rbefor eIworeal i
nger
ie,
Lacyjust
thewayhel i
kesi t
.Toni ghti
t'
saboutusand
celebrat
ingourl oveandmar ri
age.Iwearagown
overandmysl ippersandIwentdownt hestair
s.I
start
edtakingoutt hei ngredi
entsandIstar
ted
cooking, whilecookingIcal l
edt oseehowfarheis
andhesayshei scloseby.Iwr apupanddr i
nk
somej uiceandIheart hecarpullup.Irushtoour
bedroom andt ookt heboxandIwentdownt he
stair
shear i
nghi m calloutforme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyIam home"
Iwal
keddownthestair
swatchi
nghim pl
acehis
bagonthef
loorandthekeysonthet
able.Igett
o
hi
m.
Me:
"wel
comehomebaby"
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"Ihaveasur
pri
se.Iam sur
eyouar
ehungr
y"
Nt
ethelelo:
"iboughtf
oodont
hewaysoIat
ebutI
wi
lleattomorrow"
Ismi
le.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whati
sthi
s?"
Me:
"yoursur
pri
se"
Hetakest
heboxandopensi
tandt
akesoutt
he
shoes.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyshoes"
Me:
"(smi
li
ng)Iam pr
egnant
.Wear
eexpect
ing"
Iwaswait
ingforhi
mtosaysomet
hingandt
henhe
putt
heboxandshoesdownandspunmearound
andIgi
ggled
Nt
ethel
elo:
"GodIam sohappy"
Weshar
eaki
ss.Thi
siswhatIl
ove.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"howf
ar?"
Me:
"twoweeks."
Heki
ssesmeagai
n.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"il
oveyouMamuKhumal
o"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
HeputmedownandIt
ookof
fmygownandhe
gr
oaned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Damn"
Hesaidbi
ti
nghisbot
tom l
ipandhi
sdimpl
es
sur
facesmaki
ngmewanthi m mor
e.
Me:
"it
'sal
lyour
sbabydaddy"
Hechargedtowardsmeandpickedmeupandwe
sharedaroughyetpassi
onat
ekiss.Hi
shandsrun
thr
oughmybodyandIwentf orhisneckbuta
sweetscenttur
nedmeof f
.
Me:
"wai
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyIneedyou"
Me:
"getmedownNt
ethel
elo"
HeputmedownandIf
ixedmygown.
Me:
"whoi
sshe?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoi
swhat?"
Me:"don'
tmeafoolman,whoi
sthebi
tchyou
wer
esleepi
ngwi
th!!!
!?"
Ishout
ed.Hehat
est
hat
.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"RespectmeUnat
hiIam notyourf
ri
end
"
Me:
"Fr
iendmyass,
areyoucheat
ingonme?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyIwoul
dneverdot
hat
.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"bul
lshi
t"
Itookoffmysl i
pper
sandthrewthem athim and
wentupt hestai
rsandbangedthedoor.Hesaidhe
i
sn'tcheati
ng.Hehasnevergavemear eason.
Maybehei stell
ingt
hetr
uthandIam just
overeat
ing.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
"Ohhappyday(ohhappyday)
Ohhappyday(ohhappyday)
WhenJesuswashed(whenJesuswashed)
WhenJesuswashed(whenJesuswashed)
Washedmysi
nsaway"
Iwasl i
st eningt othatsongpl ayont her adioasI
madebr eakf astandl unchf ormysel f.Nodadt odo
thatf orme.Honest lyImi sshi m andl astni ghtus
tal
kingont hephonewasn' tenough.OurSunday
movi eni ghtwassomet hingwemi ssed.If inished
maki ngbr eakf astandt henIat eandputmydi sh
away.Ar ghIhavet odomyhai rbutIj ustcombed
myhai randl etitlooseandIt ookmybagandl unch
andwal kedout .Ilockedandcaughtat axiandt hen
offitwent .Icoul dn'tstopt hinkingabout
Ntethel elo, Idon'tknow.Somet hi
ngi nmej ustsays
Andi swagi vei tachance.Hepr omisedt onothur t
youbutIdon' tknowanyt hingaboutr elati
onshi ps.I
wantt ogi vehi m achancebutatt hesamet imeI
don'tknow.Ir eachwor kandIgetof fandIgr eeted
thesecur ityguyandIwentt ochangeandaf t
erthat
Iwentt oTr istan'sof fi
cet oi nform him Iam back.I
knockedandIwasi nstructedt ocomei nandseems
l
iket heywer einaconver sat i
onwi thNt ethelelo.I
l
ookedawayf rom him andf ocusedonTr istanbut
hi
sst
arewasonme.
Me:
"Uhm hiTr
ist
an.
..
..
Imeanbosssor
ry"
Hel
aughed
Tr
ist
an:
"it
'sok.Howwast
hecer
emony?
"
Ismi
led
Me:
"memor
abl
e"
Tr
ist
an:
"that
'sgood"
Me:
"letmegetgoi
ngt
hen"
It
urned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"CanIseeyoui
nmyof
fi
cei
naf
ew
mi
nutes?"
Hewal
kedout
.Il
ookedatTr
ist
an.
Tr
ist
an:
"hewon'
tbi
te.Respecthi
mthough"
Me:
"uhm ok"
Ifol
lowedoutandwentt
oNt
ethel
elo'
sof
fi
ceand
knockedbef
oreIgoti
n.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"cl
oset
hedoor"
Ididandsatdownonthecouch.Hecamef
ort
hand
stoodinf
rontofmeandl
ookeddownonme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"MrKhumal
o"
Hesmi
led.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"haveyout
houghtaboutwhatIsai
d?"
Ishi
ft
edandcl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Il
ookedupathi
m andhesmi
led
Ntet
hel
elo:"ngekengi
kuphulei
nhl
izi
yo,
nget
hembe
(Iwon'
tbreakyourheart,
tr
ustme)"
Ibr
eat
hedout
.
Me:
"Ok,
wecant
ry"
If
iddl
ewithmyfingersandlookuptohim andhe
si
tsnexttomeandhepul l
edmet ohischest.God
hi
scologneismakingmykneesweak.If ound
mysel
fholdi
nghim backandaftersometimewe
brokethehugandhekissedmyf
oreheadand
perkedmylips.Hel
ookedint
omyeyesandsmil
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"umuhl
e(youar
ebeaut
if
ul)
"
Me:
"thankyou"
Hest
oodup.
Ntet
helel
o:"Ihavetoleavef
orGer
manyt
ofi
xsome
st
uffbutIwil
lcallyou"
Ist
oodupandnodded
Me:
"ok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e"
Iwentcl
osert
ohi
m andweshar
edahug,
along
one..
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
shwecoul
dst
ayl
iket
hisf
orever"
Ther
ewassil
ence.Hecuppedmyfaceandhe
ki
ssedme.Ifr
oze,thi
sismyfi
rstt
ime.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"r
elaxandgowi
tht
hef
low"
Inoddedandheki
ssedmeandIwentwit
htheflow
,Goditwassl
ow.Thosel
ipsIhavecr
avedtast
ed
mint yandwe' r
ecoldyett enderandsof t.Hi sone
handmovedf r
om myf aceandwentt omywai st
andhepul ledmecl osert ohim andmyhandswent
tohi schest .Iwasshor terthanhi m andt hatwas
suitableplacef orme.Iwasl ostinawor ldof
foreignfeelingsasshi verswentdownmyspi ne.
Hebr okeitslowlyandl ickedhi sli
psbef oreleavi
ng
asmal lperkonmi ne.Iwasl ookingathi m ashe
smi l
edandshowedhi sdimpl esof f.Thosedi mpl
es
thatmakesmef al
lforhim wi thoutanywar ni
ng.His
handcar essesmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ican'
twai
ttospendmydayswi
thyou"
Hebuthi
sbot
tom l
ipwhi
leoureyesl
ocked.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
12] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t8

*
UNATHI*

Londie:"(l
aughing)Ithi
nkyouareover
react
ing.
Ntethel
elowouldnevercheatonyou,i
fwewer e
tal
kingaboutVuyanithenwewouldtal
kbabe"
Isi
ppedonmyt ea.Wecamet oGermanywithour
husbandsandi
thasbeenaweek.I t
'scol
dthi
sside
sowewentt ot
hecoffeeshopj
ustaft
erwewenton
abitshoppi
nghereandther
e.
Me:
"maybeyouar
eri
ght"
Zama:
"Shei
s.SoLondi
ehowi
sVuyani?"
Londi
e:"mxm t
hatone."
Wel aughed.Theyhavebeeninanopenmar r
iage
for10year s.I
t'
sweirdhowt
heyloveeachotheryet
exploreotherthi
ngs.Iwoul
dn'
tsurvi
vethatwit
h
Ntethelel
o.
Zama:
"somommyhowar
eyouf
eel
ing?
"
Me:"(putt
ingmyteadown)Happy.Nt
ethel
eloi
sso
suppor
ti
veaswell
"
Irubbedmystomacht
houghitwasn'
tshowi
ng.
Londie'
sphoner
angandsheanswered.
Londi
e:"Baby.
..
..
.ok"
Shehungup.
Zama:"IwonderhowyouandVuyanihaven'
tki
l
led
eachot
her"
Shesai
dsi
ppi
ngherCof
fee.
Londi
e:"youwon'
tunder
stand"
Theywal
kedinthecoff
eeshopandt heymadeway
tous.Il
ookatNtethel
elo,
Iwishourbabyi
saboy
sohecanlookl
ikehisf
ather
.
Kwando:
"Howwast
heshoppi
ng?
"
Vuyani:
"ihear
dalotofnot
if
icat
ionsf
rom myphone
Ievenswit
cheditof
f"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"it
'sal
lpar
tofbei
ngahusband"
Hesatnextt
ome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youok?
"
Inoddedandheki
ssedmyfor
ehead.Theyorder
ed
coffeeandmor
emuffi
nsandwehadal i
tt
lechat
together
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Thisweek6 Car swereboughtandTr i

stanwas
happyshame.Hei sagoodguyevenandagood
personnje.FifiandIdohaveourl unchbreaksand
shealwaysshar esgossipwhi chyouknowIshar e
withDad.Yephei sbackandIam happyhei sback.
It
'sbeenaweekofmeagr eeingt ogi
veNtethelel
o
andIat rybutIam scaredatt hesamet i
me.I tsa
FridayandIjustcamehomef rom wor
kandwentt o
bathwhiledadboughtKFCf orusbecausei t'
shis
payday.Iwashappyr eal
ly.Af t
erbat
hingIwor e
mygownanddi scardedtheaf terandgotdressedin
pyj
amasandIwentt
othel
oungeandsatnextt
o
hi
m.
Dad:
"Doyoust
il
lwantmet
odoyourhai
r?"
Me:"ar
eyougonnadocor
nrowsorBennyand
Bet
ty?"
Dad:
"whi
cheveroneyouwant"
Me:
"ok"
Weat eandItookthedishesawayaf
terwewere
doneandIwentt otakemycombandpi l
lowandI
satinf
rontofhi
m andhecombedmyhai r.Itwas
soreshame.
Me:
"babaouch(dadouch)
"
Dad:
"sor
ry."
Hecombedmyhai
randpar
tedi
tandst
art
edpl
ati
ng.
Me:
"dadhowdoesl
ovef
eel
?"
Hekeptqui
etf
orsomet
imebef
orer
epl
ying.
Dad:"Loveisunexpl
ainabl
e,i
t'
ssomet
hingwit
hini
f
Icansay.Whenyoul ovesomeoneyouknowyou
woulddiefort
hatper
son, youknowt
hattheyar
e
foryouandcompl et
eyouandyouknowt heywi l
l
alwaysbet her
eforyouandfeelt
hesame, they
don'tjudgeyoubutLoveal
lofyou.Badorgoodbut
bringoutthebesti
nyou.Lovei sabeaut
ifulthi
ng
thatmanyofyouyoungstersconfusef
orlust.Do
youl ovesomeone?"
Iwastonguet
ied.DoIloveNtet
helel
o?Idon't
knowbuthemakesmef eel
bubblesovermyself
andmakesmemi sshi
m whenwet al
k.Ist
hatlove?
Dad:"tal
ktome.I
t'
snotwr
ongt
ofeelsomet
hing
forsomeone"
Hetookt
hecombandopenedanot
herl
ineandI
gr
oanedi
npain.
Me:
"Idon'
tknowdad.Iam conf
used."
Dad:
"Howdoyouf
eel
?"
Me:
"lost
."
Dad:
"howdoyouf
eel
whenyouar
ewi
thhi
m.?Do
youmi
sshi
m? "
Ismi
ledandhel
aughed.
Me:
"yes.Uhm t
hisi
sawkwar
dtot
alkabout
."
Dad:"i
tshouldn'
tbe.Iam yourbest
fri
endandif
youdon'tt
ellmetheset
hingsthenyouwil
ltel
lthe
wrongcrowd.Iwantwhat'
sbestforyou.Haveyou
l
ookedintothi
sguy?"
Me:
"uhm no"
Dad: "menli
eAndiswaandmakeempt ypromises
togetaheadwithyou.Idon'
twantyouheart
brokenbecauseofwhathetol
dyou."
Me:"youthi
nkheisf
amous?Imeanhedoesown
al
ot.Soheisgott
obesomewher
e"
Dad:
"soci
alnet
wor
ks.St
artt
her
e"
InoddedandIt ookmyphone.GodIhadt oinst
all
Instagram andTwi t
terbecauseIonl
yhave
Facebook.Icr eatedaccountsandIsearchedfor
him andf oundhi m andbuthisaccountswere
private.Irequest edandwenttogogglebutitonl
y
toldmeabouthi sbranchesandhissuccessnothis
per sonall
ife.Iputmyphonesi ghi
ng
Dad:
"f
oundanyt
hing?
"
Me:
"hi
ssuccess"
Dad:
"maybehei
shonestandcl
ean."
Ismi
led.
Me:"youar
eonei
nami
ll
ionbutmaybeIshoul
dn'
t
r
ushanythi
ng"
Dad:"Whateversui
tsyoubutwhenyoust
arthavi
ng
sexgoprevent"
Me:
"ewwudadno"
Dad:
"i
tcanhappengi
rlsonj
eyoushoul
ddot
hat"
Il
aughedwhenhei
mit
atedagi
rl
'svoi
ce.
Me:
"Daddyst
op"
Dad:
"butonaser i
ousnot
edon'
trushanyt
hingi
f
youdon'
tfeelgood"
Itr
ustNtet
hel
elo,
Imeanwoul
dhel
iet
omei
fhehad
badint
enti
ons?"
.
.
Yohmyheadissor
e.It'
slikedadwasfi
ghti
ngwith
myhai
r,Il
ookbeauti
fulthoughandIwi
llkeepi
t
neat
.IputonadoekasIam i nmyr oom andmy
phonerings.Il
ookati
tandit
'sNtet
helel
o.I
answereditwit
hasmileonmyf ace,Iswit
chedof
f
thel
ightsandIsatonthebed
Me:
"hel
lo"
Ntethel
elo:
"Evenacut
epetnamelike,
Mysugar
plum orSwi
dilam l
omkhuhl
ane,
thembalam ort
he
commonSt handwaSam "
Il
aughed.
Me:
"that
'sget
ti
ngaheadofour
sel
ves"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyourl
augh"
Ibl
ushed
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sur
eyouar
ebl
ushi
ng"
Me:
"Iam not
."
Il
ayonmybackandbi
temybot
tom l
ippr
event
ing
mysel
ffr
om bl
ushi
ngt
oomuch.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ssyouAndi
swa"
Hesayssof
tl
yashisdeepvoicevi
brat
essoft
ly
t
hrought
hephonebutsti
llhasadeepeff
ectonme.
Me:
"(sof
tl
y)Imi
ssyout
oo"
Iclearmyt
hroatasi
tseemsl
ikeIam l
oosi
ngmy
breath.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwi
llbebackWednesday,
Iwoul
dli
ke
t
oseeyou"
Me:
"Ihavewor
k"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntethel
elo:
"Iknow.Iwi
llseewhatIcando,
j
ust
agreetospendthedaywithme."
Me:
"ok"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Thembal
am "
Ismi
le.
Me:
"st
opchar
mingmeIwantt
ospeak"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"okbabyIam sor
ry"
Ismi
le.Isi
gh
Me:
"Iam scar
ed"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"of
f?"
Me:"bei
nghurt.Youarethef
ir
stguyIi
nvol
ve
mysel
fwithandit'
sscary"
Hesi
ghs.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Di
dIscar
eyou?"
Me:
"honest
lyyes"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatscar
edyout
hemost?"
Me:
"whyme?Whydi
dyouchooseme?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"whynotyou?Whyshoul
dn'
tIchoose
you?"
Ikeptqui
et.
Ntethel
elo: "Andi
swalovi
ngsomeonedoesn't
requir
est atus.Idon'
twantAndi
swatheBil
li
onai
re
orwhat .Iloveyouthewayyouare"
Me:
"youl
oveme?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wi
tht
hishear
tofmi
ne."
Me:
"whyl
oveme?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thi
stal
kneedsust
obef
acet
oface."
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"ok"
Ntethel
elo: "Il
oveyouAndi swa,youcandoubtal l
thi
ngsinf uturebutnevermyl ovef oryou.You
mademef alli
nlovewithyouunexpect edl
y.Idon't
l
oveyou, Iam i nl
ovewithyouinashor tspaceof
ti
me.Ihopewegof art
ogetherthatwet r
usteach
otherwit
ht hesel i
tt
lestepswewi lltake."
Me:
"Iam j
ustscar
edbutIwi
llt
ryt
rust
ingyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"don'
trushi
t.I
twi
llhappenoni
tsown"
Ismi
le
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wai
tabi
t"
HehungupandIlookedatmyphoneandhecal l
ed
agai
nanditwasavideocall
.Iopenedt
heli
ghtsand
l
ookedathi
m asIswitchedontheli
ght
sbecauseI
swit
chedt
hem Of
fwhenhecal ledthef
ir
stt
ime.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"smi
lef
orme"
Idi
d.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
ebeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"Ihavechubbycheeks"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
ovet
hem."
Ibl
ushed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"il
oveyouok?"
Inodded
Me:
"ok"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihavet
ogo.Iwi
l
lcal
lint
hemor
ning"
Me:
"Goodmor
ning?
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
'sgoodni
ghtThembal
am "
Me:
"ar
en'
tyoui
nGer
many?"
Ntet
helel
o:"t
het
imef
ramei
sanhourapar
tfr
om
SouthAfri
ca"
Me:
"mmmhok.ByeMnt
ungwa"
Hesmi
led.Andbi
thi
sbot
tom l
ip.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llmar
ryyou"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"okbye"
HehungupandIl
aidther
e.Godwhati
sthi
sman
doi
ngtomyhear
t?It'
sraci
ngSoomuch
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
13] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t9

Iwasl aughingwhil
elooki
ngatdaddancearoundt
o
theradiowhi l
ePutt
ingsli
cesofbread.Dadl
ovest
o
cook.Mom coul dn'
tcookatall
.Shewasn't
domest i
catedevenbutdadisverywell
domest i
catedandverysof tmanyethestandshis
groundwhenhehast o.Hei sacalm per
sonandI
l
ovehi scalm charact
er.Ihavesomemom
att
ribut
esinme., Icangetf i
est
ybutIam alsocal
m
aswel l
.Ihadj ustbat
hedandgotof facallwi
th
Ntethel
elo.Iki
ssdad'scheek.
Me:
"Mor
ning"
Dad:
"(ki
ssi
ngmyf
orehead)Mor
ningangel"
Me:
"youar
eal
if
esaver
.Iwasdyi
ngi
nmysl
eep"
Hel
aughedandIj
oinedi
nandwesatdownandat
e.
Dad:
"Howi
sschool?
"
Me:
"It
'sgood.NextyearIam gr
aduat
ing"
Hesmi
ledawi
desmi
le.
Dad:
"Iam pr
oudofyou.Youal
waysmakeme
pr
oudtobeyourf
ather"
Ismi
ledaswel
l.
Me:"andIam Proudtobeyourdaught
er.Iwoul
d
got
hroughanythingwit
hyoudaddy"
Hechuckl
ed.
Dad:
"IknowIam yourpar
ent"
Il
aughedasweat
e.
Dad:
"Sowhenam Imeet
ingyourboyf
ri
end"
Ichokedonmytea.Whati
swi
thdadandKhul
uza
wanti
ngtobur
nmewi t
hit?
Me:
"excuseme?"
Dad:"ngil
ibonaNinii
sokalakho?,melengazi
l
omf anaonesibi
ndisokuk'
shela(whenam Iseei
ng
yourman?Ineedt oknowthisboywhohast he
gutstoaskyouout) "
Me:"Idon'
thaveamanbaba,
Ihaveacr
ushon
someone"
Dad:
"Mmmh"
Ioutmyt
eadownaf
tersi
ppi
ng.
Me:
"youknowyoucant
alkt
ome"
Dad:
"Iam j
ustsayi
ng,
Mmmmhh"
Hesippedonhi
steaandwaslooki
ngatme.Idon'
t
wanttoji
nxwhatmeandNtet
helel
ohave.
Me:
"Iwannabeout
side."
Dad:"t
akeawalkt
otheshops.Ihavet
obe
somewheret
oday"
Me:
"wher
e?"
Dad:
"(st
andi
ngup)Iam meet
inganol
dfr
iend"
Me:
"oh?"
Hechuckl
edasheputt
heuseddi
shesi
nthebasi
n.
Dad:
"it
'snotaf
emal
e"
Me:
"ohok"
Heshookhi
shead.
Dad:
"OhandEl
ihl
ewant
stoseeyou.Shecal
led"
Iputmyf
ooddown.
Me:
"Whatdoesshewantnow?
"
That'
smycousi n,Mom' sside.DidIment iont
hat
theydon'tl
ikeme?Yest heydon't.Eli
hleis17
yearsoldandisjustli
kehermot herAunt yKhol
eka
(mom' soldersi
ster)shealwaysbr agsand
comparesme.Iusedt olovehertillsheshowedme
thatshedoesn'
tfeelt
hesame.Istoppedputt
ing
effor
tonsomeonewhodoesn' tf
eelme.Istoodup
withmyuseddishesandputthem int
hebasinand
boilwatert
owasht hedi
shes.
Dad:"Shei
shavi
nga18t
hebi
rt
hdaypar
tysoshe
i
nvi
tedyou"
Il
ookathi
m.
Dad:
"theyar
eyourf
ami
ly"
Me:"theyhaveafunnywayofbei
ngf
ami
lyby
seei
ngyousuffer"
Dad:
"Youar
enotsuf
fer
ingnowAndi
swa"
Icoul
dseehur
tinhi
seyes.
Me:"Idon'tmeanitl
iket
hatdad.Il
ovet
hel
if
ewe
havebecauseithasyoui
nit"
Henods.
Dad:"Justgo.Maybeinvi
teMer
cyt
oaccompany
yousoyouwon' tf
eelal
one"
Me:
"Iwi
llsee.
"
Henodded.
Dad:
"cl
eant
hehouse"
Me:
"Hhadad"
Dad:
"whowi
llmar
ryyourl
azybum ?"
Me:
"Noone.Iwi
lll
ivewi
thyout
il
lwedi
e"
Hel
aughs.
Dad:
"weshal
lsee.Letmego"
Hewal kedoutandIwashedt hedishesandaft
erI
start
edcleani
ngandbyl unchIwasdoneevenwi t
h
l
unch.Iwentt otakesomemoneysoIcanbuy
airt
imeandIwentoutl ocki
ngandIwal kedt
othe
shops.Iwasonmyphonewhi lewalki
ngther
e
whensomeonewhi st
led.Il
if
tedmyeyesandhe
wavedwhi l
esitt
ingwithsomeguyswhower e
l
isteni
ngtomusi cbyhiscaranddr i
nki
ng.Iwalked
towardshim.
Me:
"Hi"
Hesmi
led.
Tr
ist
an:
"It
'sl
ikeyouar
eever
ywher
e."
Wehugged.
Me:
"il
iveher
e.,
whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
hissi
deBoss?
"
Hel
aughed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ihavef
ri
endsher
eandSomef
ami
ly
member
s"
Me:
"Ohyouhaveaf
ami
lyher
ethat
'sni
ce"
Hechuckl
es.
Tr
ist
an:
"Youknowmymot
herisFul
lTswana
womanandmydadisWhi
te"
Me:
"wehavenevergot
tent
othatper
sonall
evel
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Wher
ear
eyouheadi
ng?"
Me:
"Theshops."
Tr
ist
an:
"Wecanwal
kther
e"
Me:
"Sur
e"
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Kwando:"thiswasr eal
lyadragandincompet
ence.
Weshouldn'tbefl
yinghalfwayacrossthewor
ldfor
sucht
hings"
Vuyani:
"it
'sbusi
ness.I
tbr
ingsusmoneyt
hatOur
wivesspendli
ketheyar
ehavingar
unni
ngstomach
"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Youar
est
ingy"
Vuyani:"St
ingyhowmanwhenLondi ehastwo
Rooms, youcan'tevensayclosetf
ullof
fdesigner
cl
othes.Anotheroneforshoesand5car sanda
mansion.Ican'tmentiontheweaveswehor bour
i
t'
slikewesellthem "
wel
augh.
Vuyani:
"andyousayIam st
ingy"
Her
oll
edhi
seyeswhi
lepour
ingsomewhi
sky
Kwando:
"Youhavebeenof
fabi
t"
Me:
"Li
ke?"
Kwando:
"Idon'
tknowbutyoudi
ff
erent"
Il
ayback.
Me:
"Iam goi
ngt
obeaf
athersoon"
Vuyani:
"Icanal
readyseeUnat
hibei
ngabi
ll
ionai
re
wit
hthatbaby"
Me:
"leavemywi
feoutofi
t."
Vuyani:
"Wher
eist
hatThi
ckLadyt
hatwor
ksat
yourpl
ace"
Myangerr
ose.
Me:
"Don'
tevent
hinkaboutmaki
ngamovet
her
e"
Kwando:"It
houghtyouwer
ewor
kingonnot
fucki
nghoes"
Me:
"shei
snotahoe.Don'
tcal
lhert
hat
"
Theyl
ookedatme.
Vuyani:
"wat
int
ekangayeyi
niuyamhl
aba?(You
ar
etouchywit
hher,
areyoufucki
ngher?)
"
Me:
"fuckyou"
Ist
oodupandwal
kedoutoft
hehot
elr
oom.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ihaveababydaught
er,
shei
sthr
eeyear
s
ol
d"
Me:
"canIseeherpi
ctur
e?"
Hechucklesasheseesmyf acel
ightupandhe
takesouthi
sphoneandshowshisdaughtertome.
Sheissocutewithcur
lybi
ghairandherhazel
brownbigeyes.
Me:
"Shei
ssocut
eohmyGod"
Tr
ist
an:
"Shei
sadi
vat
oomuch"
Il
aughed
Me:
"al
lgi
rl
sar
edr
amat
ic"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ican'
tar
guewi
tht
hat
"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"sowher
eishermot
her?
"
Ther
ewasabi
tofsi
lence.
Tr
ist
an:
"shedi
edi
nacarhi
ghj
ackwhenAmber
was2months"
Oht
hatmusthavebeenbad.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Tr
ist
an:
"(si
gh)yeahwel
lit
'sf
uckedupl
if
e."
Ther
ewassi
lenceagai
n.
Tr
ist
an:
"doyouhaveanyki
ds?"
Me:
"notyetnobutIl
oveki
ds."
Hest
oppedandIdi
dtoo.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam sur
eyouwi
llhaveal
otoft
hose"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"maybe"
Wecar
ri
edonwal
king.
Tr
ist
an:
"ar
eyoui
nar
elat
ionshi
p.?"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Tr
ist
an:
"sor
ryt
oask."
Me:
"it
'sok.Ir
eal
lyhavet
ogo."
Wehugged.
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"mmmh?"
Tri
stan:"woul
dyoul
iket
ocomet
ochur
chwi
thme?
Iwil
lpickyouup.
"
Me:
"ihaven'
tbeent
ochur
chi
nal
ongt
ime"
Hechuckl
ed.
Me:
"Of
cause"
Hesmi
led.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwi
llseeyout
omor
rowt
hen"
Me:
"tomor
row"
Hewal
kedt
ohi
sfr
iendsandIwal
kedbackhome.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
13] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t10

*
MERCY*
.
.
IwokeupandIwentt otakeabath.Honest l
yIam
angrytoapointofnor
eturn.Igetoutofthe
bathr
oom whenIam doneandIgetdr essedi nmy
Bum short
sandSandile'st-
shi
rtandsli
pper sandI
wenttoYolanda'
sroom andshewasuppl aying
wit
hherdolls.
Me:
"Mor
ningbaby"
Iki
ssedhercheek.
Yol
anda:
"mommycanIhavepancakes?"
Me:"comelet
'sgomakepancakesf
oryout
henyou
canbath"
Shenoddedandshegotof fherbedandwewent
downt hestair
sandIplacedheront hecount
er
beforeIr i
nsedmyhandsandst art
edtaki
ngoutthe
i
ngr edient
st omakepancakes.Thedooropened
andIl ookedathim asheputhiscarkeysont he
count erandkissedYol
anda'sforehead.
Yol
anda:
"Daddy,
wher
edoyoucomef
rom ?"
Ichuckl
edabutal sowait
ingforaresponse.He
cl
earedhisthr
oat.Iswearifi
t'
sanotherbit
chIam
goingtosl
ithi
sthroat
.
Sandi
le:
"goandtakesomechocol
atesi
nmommy
anddaddi
esroom "
Hegotherdown.Shehurr
iedout.Itur
nedt
he
pancakesoi
tcanburntheothersi
de.
Sandi
le:
"Baby"
Me:
"Mmmh"
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"Ngi
shadeamashi
diorwena?
(Di
dImar
ryt
he
sheet
soryou?)
"
Il
ookathi
minti
midat
inghi
mthist
ime.Ican'
t
st
andthi
s.It
'
sbeengoingonsi
nceweti
edtheknot
.
Sandi
le:
"mebaby"
Me:
"oh"
Hecamet
ohol
dmebehi
ndandIst
oppedwhatIam
doi
ng.
Sandi
le:
"YouknowIl
oveyou?"
Me:"Iknow.Maybeweareyoungf
ort
his.Imean
youare28andIam 21"
Het
urnedmear
ound.Hesi
ghed.
Sandi
le:"Imadeapromisetot
akecareofyouand
l
oveyou3year sagowhenyouwer epregnantwi
th
ourpr
incessandIam keepi
ngthatfor
ever"
Ismi
ledandki
ssedhi
m.Hecanmel
tme.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Ismi
rked
Sandi
le:
"Sowhati
sgoi
ngonwi
thAndi
swa?I
sshe
dat
ing?"
Me:
"no,
shehasn'
ttol
dmeanyt
hingyet
"
Sandi
le:
"Mmmh"
Il
ookedathi
m.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Dad:
"Wher
ear
eyout
aki
ngher?"
MyGod.Dadcanbeover
prot
ect
ivewhenhewant
s
t
o.
Tri
stan:
"Chur
chsi
r.Tr
ustmeyourdaught
eri
sin
goodhands"
Me:
"Weshoul
dleavebef
orewear
elat
e"
Iwal
kedpastdadandgott
oTr
ist
anwhoi
snextt
o
hi
scar.
Dad:"Iam wat
chi
ngyouboy,
thi
sismyonl
y
daughter"
Tr
ist
an:
"yessi
r"
Me:
"okbyedaddy"
Iki
ssedhischeekandTr i
stanopenedthedoorfor
meandIgotinandhewentt ohisside.Hewas
weari
ngblackChinoswi t
hawhitegolfshi
rtand
semifor
malshoes.Cl eanaswell,hegoti
nhi s
AudiA3andhesmi ledatme.
Tr
ist
an:
"Someonei
sgonnagetJesust
oday"
Il
aughed
Me:
"Ipr
ay.Iam j
ustnott
hatbad"
Hedr
oveof
f.
Tr
ist
an:
"At
leastyoudosomet
hingMsBhengu"
Me:
"Ar
eyouachur
chper
son?"
Tri
stan:
"Somet
imes.Mom i
ssowhenIwantsome
Sundayl
unchIhavet
ogotochur
ch."
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Wowt
hat
'ssad"
Tr
ist
an:"Tel
lmeabouti
t.Ineedt
omar
rysomeone
whowil
lcookforme"
Me:
"Youwi
llf
indone"
Tr
ist
an:
"Maybe,
Maybenot"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:
"Wher
eisl
it
tl
eAmber?"
Tr
ist
an:
"wewi
llmeetheratchur
ch"
Iwassohappy.GodIl ovekidsandIhopeIget
blessedwi t
hthem.Wear r
ivedatchur chandhe
openedt hedoorforme.Si ncethel astti
meIwent
tochur chwas4year sagoEast er,Iwor eawhi t
e
dress.I thuggedmybodyandr eachedmyknees.I
putonbl acksandal
sandwel ldownl oadedtheBibl
e
appsi nceIdon'thaveaBi blebutIthi nkIwil
lhave
tobuyi t.Youcanheart hesingi
ngandi twasa
Nicechur chbythelooks.Blackpeopl eoccupiedit
mor e.
Me:
"doest
hepast
orpr
eachi
nTswana?"
Tr
ist
an:
"(l
aughi
ng)Her
eandt
her
e"
Me:
"ohgod"
Hechuckl
edandwegottoourseat
s.Thi
swoman
waslooki
ngatusandt
henTri
stanWavedather
andshesmil
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"That
'smymot
herandnextt
oherAmber"
Hisdaught
erl
ookedsoador
ableyoucanj
usteat
her.Iwoul
dn'
tmindmother
ingsuchachi
ldi
n
fut
ureshame.
Me:"youneedt ogett
hatador
abl
ethi
ngamot
her
orIwi
llcl
aim her"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Youwoul
dn'
t"
Il
ookedathi
m andshookmyheadandsenta
messagetoNtet
helel
ost
ati
ngIam i
nchurchsono
cal
lst
henputitawayandenj
oyedt
heservice.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Justgotamessagef r
om Andi
swawhenIwas
abouttocal
lher.Isi
ghed.Honestl
yImiss
spendingt
imewi t
hher.WhenIgobackIwi l
lmake
sureImakethemostofit.Unathiwal
kedoutoft
he
bathr
oom wrappedinatowelandshecamet ome.
Unat
hi:
"Whati
sitbaby?
"
Myfeel
ingsf
orAndiswaaregrowi
ngstr
ongert
han
bef
ore.Iam t
hinki
ngaboutsomethi
ng.
Me:"(si
ghi
ng)Whenwegobackwehavet
ogo
homeinUmzimkhul
u"
Unathi:
"Babyno,
youknowmydesignercl
othes
can'
thandl
ethebhududu'
soft
her
urals."
Ipul
ledhert
ome.
Me:
"It
'sat
hankyoucer
emonybabewehavet
obe
t
her
e"
Unat
hi:
"youraunt
'swi
lloverwor
kme"
Me:
"theydon'
tdot
hatbutIwi
llhandl
eit
"
Shesi
ghs.
Unat
hi:
"igot
tameetupwi
thLondi
eandZama"
Shegetsoffmygrip.Iknowshei
sangr
ybuyI
real
lyneedtoseedad.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
14] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t11

*
UNATHI*
.
Iam angryatNtethelel
o.HepromisesthatIwon't
doanythi
ngt henhisaunt'
sandmot hercompl ai
n
whatkindofwi f
eIam.Iam notdomest i
catedandI
am notabouttostartnow.Hemar ri
edmebecause
helovesmeandIal r
eadytakecareofhimint he
bedroom.Whatmor edotheywant?Iam goi ngto
havehisbabyandbr inginanotherf
amilymember .
ItookmyBoot sandIsatonthecouchandhe
walkedoutFrom t
hebathroom andl
ookedatme,
I
couldfeelhi
seyesonme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Baby"
Me:
"mmmh?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ungi
kwat
ele?(ar
eyoumadatme?)
"
Me:",
Whyfanel
engi
kukwat
ele?(Whyshoul
dIbe
angr
yatyou?)"
Ilookedathi
m andhesai dnot
hing.Ir
eal
lyhatethe
rurals,
ImeanNt et
helelo'
sfamil
ycomesfrom
money.Hisfatherownsnumer ousofsupermarkets
andhasaf ar
m aswel lbutnot
heychosetherural
area.Igotupandt ookmybagandhehel dmy
wai st
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wai
tabi
t"
Me:
"Ineedt
oleave"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"for?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"forupset
ti
ngyout
hismuch"
Heki
ssedmyneck.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"forst
ressi
ngyou"
Hekissesmyneckagai
nandmykneesar
eget
ti
ng
weakerandweaker
.
Me:
"(Sof
tl
y)Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ishoul
dn'
tbest
ressi
ngyou.
"
Het
urnsmear
oundandhehol
dsmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Heperkedmylipswhichturnedtoasl owkiss.He
puthi
sotherhandonmywai standIreachedforhis
neck.Hisl
ipsaremintyandjustthewayIlikethem.
HepicksmeupandIwr apmyl egsaroundhiswaist
andhebreakstheki
sswhi l
eIkisshisneck.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantyou"
Me:
"Takeme"
Isaywhil
esucki
nghisneckmaki
ngahi
cki
e.
[cont
entf
oundinthegr
oup]
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
"
Lor
dI'
m pr
ayi
ng,
Usemenow
Al
lIhavei
syour
s,i
syour
s
Al
ltoyoumy,
Bl
essedsavi
our
Isur
renderal
l"
Ireall
yenjoyedmyt i
meatchur chandIam happy
thatTri
staninvi
tedmet ochurch.Imightgomore
often.Heeveninvit
edmet ohishomef orl
unch.
Honest l
yIam scaredbuthetell
smeevermi nut
eto
rel
axashecl osesthedoortomysi de.
Me:
"MaybeIshoul
dgohome"
Tr
ist
an:
"i
fyouf
eeluncomf
ort
abl
ewecanl
eaveok?
"
Inodded,
wemadewayt
oinsi
dehi
shomeandI
hel
dhishand.Real
lyIwasscar
ed.Hesmi
ledwhi
le
l
ookingatme.
"Thapel
ongwanaka(Thapel
omychi
ld)
"
Tr
ist
an:
"Mama"
Iwassweat
inghi
dingbehi
ndhi
m.
Hi
sMom :
"Andyourgi
rl
fr
iend?"
Shet
il
tedherheadt
ome.
Me:
"Hi"
Her:
"(smi
li
ng)O'
Kaengwanaka?(Howar
eyou
mychil
d?)
"
Me:
"uhm .
..
"
Tr
ist
anchuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:"Mom IgotaShakaZul
uandshei
snotmy
gi
rl
fr
iend"
Iam gl
adhecl
ari
fi
edt
hegi
rl
fr
iendpar
t.
Her:
"OhAnddon'
tsayshei
saShakaZul
u"
Shepul
ledmei
ntoahugandsqueezedme.
Her:
"Wel
comet
omyhomemychi
ld"
Me:
"t
hankyou"
Webr
oket
hehugandshel
ookedatTr
ist
an.
Her:
"Amberi
sint
heki
tchen."
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwi
llseehernow.Wi
llyoubeok?"
Hai
boheshoul
dn'
tleaveme.Ismi
led.
Me:
"Yes"
Hi
smom :
"of
causeshewi
llbe"
Shesaidwit
hasmi l
eonherf aceandhewal ked
towar
dsthekitchen.Iwaslookingaroundadmiri
ng
herhouseandIsawPi ctur
esofHerandawhi te
manandTr i
stanaswel lwi
thanot hercol
our
edgirl
wholooksli
keAmber .
Her:
"O'
Bat
lang?(Whatdoyouwant?
)"
Shesai
dfol
dingherar
ms.
Me:
"Aski
es?
(Sor
ry?
)"
Her:
'Whatdoyouwantfrom myson?YouZulu
gi
rl
salwayshavesomet
hingupyoursl
eeve"
Me:
"Idon'
tseem t
ofol
low.Iam noti
nany
r
elat
ionshi
pwi
thTr
ist
an"
Her:
"Keepitt
hatwaybefor
eImakeyoudi
sappear
f
rom t
hefaceoftheear
th"
Shecli
ckedhert ongueandIjustlookedather.
Tri
stanwalkedinwi t
hhisdaughterinhishandsand
thi
swomanf akedasmi l
eatme.Iknowi t
'sfake
nowandIam di sgusted,
Ican'tst
andandpr etend.
Tr
ist
an:
"Wher
eisdad?"
Her:"meeti
ng.Youknowyourfat
herl
oveshi
swor
k
butNatel
iei
soutsi
dewithKhumo."
Tr
ist
an:
"OhokAndi
swal
et'
sgo."
Me:"Ij
ustrememberedIhavet
orushhome.
Thanksforthei
nvi
te"
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Iwasalreadyonmywayout .It
ookoutmyphone
andjustcall
edMercy.Iwasi
nthever
geoft
ears.I
am acrybabyalot.Iputi
tonmyearandi
trangt
o
voi
cemai l
.
Me:
"GoshMer
cy"
It
ri
edhertwotimesandnot
hing.Tearsrandown
myfaceasIam walki
ngdownthi
squietunknown
st
reet,
Ical
leddad.Hepi
ckedup.
Dad:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"dadshet
hreat
enedt
oki
llme"
Dad:
"who?"
Me:
"hi
smot
her
."
Dad:
"wher
ear
eyounow?
"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Dad:"wi
shmybatt
eryi
sdyi
ng.Tr
ytof
indaway.I
wil
lal
sotr
ychar
gemyphone"
Inoddedandhungupwhi l
ewipi
ngmytears.The
sunishot
.Idialedhisnumberf
orsomereasonand
i
twentthroughquickl
y.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Baby"
Me:
"Hi,
sor
ryIwasatchur
ch"
Nt
ethel
elo"
areyouok?Youdon'
tsoundok"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"Iam ok,
j
ustst
randed."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wher
ear
eyou?"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howdi
dyougett
her
e?"
Me:
"Tr
ist
an"
Hecur
sedandhi
sbr
eat
hingwasheavybuthe
cal
meddown.
Ntet
helel
o:"Youwillexpl
ainWednesdaywhyyou
werether
ebutf ornowsendmeyourl ocat
ion.Iwi
ll
t
rygesomeonet otakeyouhome"
Me:
"Youar
einGer
manynj
e"
Ntethel
elo:
"Li
stent
omeAndi swa,thi
sisSouth
Afri
ca.Womengetst ol
enandtraf
fi
cked.Iwantyou
safe"
Me:
"ok."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"I.
..
..
I..
."
Ihungupqui
ckl
y.Myhear
twasbeat
ingf
ast
.Ihel
d
mychest
.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooNt
ethel
elo"
.
.
Af
ter30mi
nutesacarparkedi
nfr
ontofmeandthe
wi
ndowrol
leddown.Thi
sguylooksfami
li
arso
much.
Hi
m:"Andi
swa?"
Me:
"uhm yes"
Hi
m:"Youcanhopi
n.Iwi
llt
akeyouhome."
Me:
"oh"
Igotinthecarandwor
etheseatbel
tàndhedr
ove
offasitwassil
ent.
Hi
m:"Muzii
sthename"
Il
ookedathi
m .Ri
ngonhi
sfi
nger,
Hedoesl
ookl
ike
afamil
yman.
Me:
"Muzioh"
hechuckl
ed
Muzi:
"youseem conf
used"
Me:"youl
ookf
ami
l
iarsomehowgetIdon'
tknow
you"
Hel
aughed.Heseemsl
ikeachi
ll
edguy
Hi
m: "wel
lIam r
oyalandownerofPr
etor
ia'
s
bi
ggestar
chit
ect
urecompany"
Wai
tdadwor
kst
her
e.
Me:
"shi
t!"
Icl
osedmymout hwhatupwi thmehangi ngar
ound
bosses.I
sthi
sasi gnt
hatIwillbebossoneday?
Godisthi
syoursign?Ilaughedonmyownandhe
l
ookedconfused.
Me:
"insi
dej
oke"
Henodded.
Hi
m:"So.
..
."
Il
ookedathi
m.
Hi
m:"youdat
ingVuyani?"
Me:
"Vuyani?"
Hetookouthisphoneandshowsmeapict
ureof
oneoftheguyswhowaswi t
hNtet
hel
elot
heother
day.
Me:
"No"
Henodded.
Hi
m:"Youl
ookyoung"
Me:
"Iam 21"
Henoddedagai
n.Hisphoner
angandhisol
d
schoolmusi
cst
oppedandthecal
lcamein.
Muzi:
"Nhl
izi
yoyam (myhear
t)"
Gi
rl:"Daddymommyisscr
eamingf
oryoutobr
ing
OreosforBaf
ana,
Shesai
dheiswanti
ngsweet
st
uff"
Muzi:
"butbabyt
oomuchsweetst
uffi
sbad"
Gi
rl:
"Mommydaddydoesn'
twantt
o!"
Sheshout
st ohermot
her
.Wehearsomescr
eami
ng
andshout
ing.
Muzi:
"(si
gh)
okIwi
llbuyt
hingsf
ormommy"
Gi
rl:
"Andchocol
atef
ormet
hanks"
ShehungupandIgi
ggl
ed.Hegr
oaned.
Muzi:
"IthoughtIcanhandl
eapr
egnantwoman
butcl
ear
lyIam fai
li
ng.
Me:
"youwi
lll
ookbackandsmi
le"
Muzi
:"Idoubt
"
Weshar
easmal
llaugh.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
14] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t12

Muzijustdr
oppedmeoffandIt
hankedhi
m andI
sentamessagetoNt
ethel
elot
hanki
nghim andhe
cal
led.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yesIam ok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"okyouhunguponme"
Me:
"ai
rt
ime"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"mmmh"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"St
opt
hat
.Wewi
llt
alkl
ater"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ok"
IhungupandIwalkedi
nsi
deanddadspr
ungf
rom
thecouchandhuggedme.
Dad:
"Shhhi
t'
sok.Daddyi
sher
e"
HowIwi shmymom wassti
llal
ivebutIl
ovemydad
buthervoi
disst
il
lther
e.
.
.
Ir
ant ohim andhecaughtmeandspunmearound
whil
emyar mswer earoundhi
sneckandhi
sarms
wereholdi
ngmywai st.Iwashappyt
oseehim.I
di
dn'
treal
iset
hatImi
ssedhimthismuch.Isni
ff
ed
hi
sManlyperf
umebeforehespoke.
Nt
ethel
elo:
",
Youmi
ssedme?"
Ihi
dmyf aceatt
hecr
ackofhi
sneckandhe
chuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llt
aket
hatasayest
hen"
Igotdownf
rom hi
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"met
oo"
Hesmi
ledandhi
sdi
mpl
esappear
ed.
Me:
"youar
emaki
ngmeshy"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youwon'
tbe.Come"
Heopenedthedoorformet ohiscar.Iwasgi
ven
thedayofff
orWednesdayandIdi dn'
tgotowork.I
am sohappytoseehim andseewher ehei
staking
usto.Igoti
nandhecl osedthedoorandwentto
hissi
deandgotinanddr oveof
f.
Me:
"Di
dever
ythi
ngwor
kouti
nGer
many?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
.Yesever
ythi
ngwor
kedout
.Theyj
ust
hadshi
ppingdel
ayed."
Inodded.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Sowhatdoesayoungl
adyl
ikeyou
aspi
ret
obe?"
Me:"Afor
ensicpat
hol
ogistbutf
ornowIam
st
udyi
ngteachi
ng.Lastyearnow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youl
oveki
ds?"
Me: "somuch.Ithi
nkIwil
lendupther
einthe
educati
ondepar
tmentbecausenowIcan'
twaitt
o
teachthem "
Hechuckl
ed
Ntet
hel
elo:
"byt
hesoundofi
t.Iam sur
eyouar
e
gonnamakeanamazi
ngmother"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"thankyou.Sot
ellmebi
tsaboutyou
Mnt
ungwa"
It
'sli
keIwascour
ti
nghi
mthewayhebl
ushedandI
giggl
ed.
Ntet
hel
elo:"wel
lIcomefrom abigf
amilyi
n
Umzimkhulu,mymotherhas5kidsbutdadhas8
ki
dsintot
al.
Me:
"meani
ng?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"meani
ngmydadhadafir
stwi
feand
t
henmymot her
.Shedi
edyear
sago"
Me:
"Iam sor
ryaboutt
hat"
Ntethel
elo:
"it
'sok.Anywaymyf atherownsal otof
supermarket
sandwehaveabi gfarm athome.We
didn'
tgrowupi nthecit
ybutwegrewupi nt herural
area.Youwillfi
ndbitsoft
radi
ti
onalqualit
iesinme.
"
Me:"yourdomi
nance"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Maybe.Anywayt
ellmeaboutyou"
Me:"Wel lmyfamil
yori
gini
sfrom Escour
t,
Hlat
ikhul
u.Iam theonl
ychil
dtomypar ents,
my
motherdied3yearsago,gunneddownandIdon't
getalongwit
hherfamil
ymuch.Yept hat'
sme"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryaboutyourmot
her"
Me:
"it
'sok"
Ismi
led.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Mindmeaski
ngwhyyoudon'
tget
al
ongwithyourmot
her
'sf
ami
ly?"
Me: "i
t'
sbecauseshehadmewhenshewasyoung
,shemar r
ieddad.Thatiswhy.Mom'sfamil
yisr
ich
basi
callybecauseshecomesfrom ahomeof
l
awyer'sandPol i
ti
cians.
mydadisf
rom apoor
background"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"it
'sl
ove.Ther
eisnot
hinganyonecan
do"
Me:
"tr
ue"
Ther
ewasabi
tofsi
lence.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"yes?
"
Hebi
thi
sbot
tom l
ipl
ikehewast
hinki
ng.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Wewi
llt
alkwhenwegett
owher
eii
s
t
akingus."
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.

Wegott ot hehot elandnoIam nother etohavesex

withher .Irespectherl i
kethat.WhathasAndi swa
donet ome? Ijustfeelli
kelayingwi t
hherf oralong
ti
mewhi lelisteningt ohertalkaboutanyt hi
ngandI
j
ustl i
stent ohersof tvoice.Igotoutoft hecarand
openedt hedoorf orherandshet hankedme.I
tookherhandandwewal ked.Wegott othe
receptionandwegotourkeyandwewal kedtot he
elevator.Shewasn' tpanicki
nglikeanyseal edgir l
woul dgoi ngt oahot el.Shewaschi l
ledandhol ding
myhand.Wegotoutandwewentt oourallocated
room andwegoti n.
Me:
"Iam nother
etodoanyt
hingwi
thyou"
Ij
ustwant
edt
ocl
eart
hatout
.
Andi
swa:
"Iknow.Youwoul
dn'
tgetanyanyway"
Ichuckl
edwhi
leshaki
ngmyheadandputt
hekeys
downandsatonthecouch.
Me:
"Comeher
e"
Shecameandsatonmeandkissedmyfor
ehead.
That
'saf
ir
str
eall
y.Thenshepl
ayedwi
thmyhair.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Andi
swa:
"yes?"
Me:
"Doyoul
ikeme?
"
Andi
swa:
"Idon'
tli
keyou"
If
eltapangofdisappoi
ntment
.Maybeshei
sgoi
ng
ontrai
lofhavi
ngaboyfri
endwithme.
Andi
swa:
"Ar
eyousad?
"
Shesai
dhol
dingmyf
aceandt
henshel
aughedand
per
kedmyli
ps.
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyouNt
ethel
eloandIam cer
tai
nof
i
t."
Ihel
dhercl
oset
ome.
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Shekeptonpl
ayi
ngwi
thmyhai
r.
Andi
swa:"Iam scar
edt
hough,ofwhatt
hefut
ure
hol
dsforus.Youaremyfi
rstboyf
ri
endandIdon'
t
wannabehurt
."
Me:
"Iwon'
thur
tyoui
ntent
ional
lyIpr
omi
se."
Shesmi
led.
Me:"Andi
swawoul
dyoubar
ewi
thmewhent
he
t
imeisri
ght?
"
Andi
swa:
"bar
ewi
thwhat?"
Me:
"youwi
llsee"
Shenoddedunsur e.Iki
ssedherlipsandshe
returnedthekiss.Shei sagoodkissernow.I
mi ssedherlipsandhersof thandstouchingme
sendi ngt
inglesallovermybody.Shebr okei
t
slowlyandl ookedatme.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
Wewer elayingi nbedhavingsnacks.Justt alki
ng
andIwasl i
st eni
ngt ohi
m breathandhi sheartbeat
racehonest lyweneededt histoknoweachot her
mor e.Idon' tknowwhatt osaywi t
hNt ethelel
obutI
knowIam f alli
ngdeepwi t
hhim anditscar esmet o
themaxi mum.Idon' twannaannounceusasyet .
It'
ssti
llpremat ureandIdon'twannajinxanyt hing
butseeingt hismanIhopeGodbl essesmewi th
mor ethanjustboyf ri
endandgi r
lf
ri
endi nthis
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
14] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t13

Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ar
eyouhungr
y?"
Me:
"Yes."
Hegotofft
hebedandwenttotakethephonethat
i
sinthehotelandhemadeacallandaf
terhecame
andsatonthebed.
Me:"Iwantustodoali
tt
legamejusttoknoweach
ot
hermore.Itshoul
dbetr
uthf
ulandfunIhope."
Hechuckl
ed
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam i
n"
Me:
"Butf
ir
sthowol
dar
eyou?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ifIt
ellyou.Youwoul
drunaway"
Me:
"Itcan'
tbet
hatbad"
Hechuckl
ed
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youdon'
taskamanhi
sage"
Me:
"yetyouknowmi
ne"
Hehi
tmyl
ipswi
tht
wof
inger
sandIl
aughed
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yout
alkt
oomuch"
Me:
"(smi
li
ng)Iam supposedt
oaskt
hingsr
ight?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ri
ght
.Let
'sgeti
nthegame"
Me:
"Iwi
llcat
chyou."
It
ookoutmyphoneandwentt
othevi
deo.
Me:"Sowhat everissai
dhere.Wehavet
oli
ftour
handsup,ri
ghtifyouhavedonewhatwassaidthen
youputyourfingerdown."
Herubbedhishandsandhepul
ledmet osi
tover
hi
m.Iwasf aci
nghim ashesmi
r kedandIshook
myhead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ok"
Ipr
essedpl
ayandt
hegamest
art
ed.
"Putyourfi
ngerdowni
fyouhavehadmor
ethan
onepersoninaday"
Heputhi
sfi
ngerdown.Igi
ggl
edr
oll
ingback
Me:
"Wow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwasi
nvar
sit
y"
Me:
"Justwow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Let
'scar
ryon"
Isatupr
ight.
"putyourfingerdowni
fyouhavehadmor
ethan
onepartneratthesameti
me"
Hel
ookedatmet
henputhi
sfi
ngerdownsl
owl
y.
"Putyourf
ingerdowni
fyouhaveeverbeeni
nlove
wit
hsomeone"
Webot hdidandwelaughed.Thegamewasfun.I
onlyputtwofi
nger
sdownandNt ethel
elor
anoutof
fi
ngers.
Me:
"Youhavedonesomuch"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwasyoungbackt
hen"
Room ser
vicecameandhet ookthefoodandt i
pped
theguyandcamewi t
hitandplaceitI
nfrontofme
anditwasfri
eswit
hseafood.West art
edeating.
Me:"Sohowdi
dthegi
rl
sfeeloncet
heyf
ound
out
..
.?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(f
eedi
ngme)Foundoutwhat?"
Ichewedandswal
lowed.
Me:
"Thatyouar
edat
ingbot
hoft
hem att
hesame
t
ime"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howwoul
dyouf
eel?"
Hesai
dlooki
ngatme.It
ookt
hef
ryandpoppedi
t
i
nhismouth.
Me:"honestlyIam acr
ybabybutshor
ttemperedas
wel
l.Idon'tknow.MaybeIwouldcryorki
llyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youwoul
dn'
tbeabl
etoki
llme."
Me:
"Ijustdon'
tgeti
t.Whydi
dyoudat
ethebot
hof
t
hem ?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
ovet
hem bot
h"
Me:
"That
'snotanexcusepl
ayi
ngot
hergi
rl
shear
ts.
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Whati
fIam not
.ThatIsawsomet
hing
r
ealwit
hthebot
hofthem."
Me:
"woul
dyoumi
ndshar
ingme?"
Hi
sfacechanged.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"No,
Iwi
llki
llt
hatni
ggat
henyout
hen
me"
Me: "yousee?Whatmakesyout hi
nkwomen
wouldliketoshareaboyf ri
endorhusband.?Some
maymakei tseem li
ketheyareokbutdeepdown
theyarehurti
ngandwi sht obetheonlyoneforyou.
Likepolygamyf orexample.Whyt akeasecond
wifeunlessyourwi f
edoesn'tcomplet
eyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whati
fshecan'
tbar
eki
ds?
"
Me: "that
'swhatSurr
ogatesaref
or.Youar e
destroyi
ngyourwifewit
houtreal
isat
ion.That
'swhy
fi
rstwivesarebit
ter"
Hewassi
lent
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howdoyouf
eel
aboutpol
ygamy?
"
Me: "(eating)Idon'
tknowbutonet hi
ngIknowi s
thatweal lhaveoneheartanditcanonl
yoccupy
oneper son.Thereisnosuchasyoul ovethose
peoplethesame.I t
'sdi
ff
erentbutonewilldomi
nate
theother."
Hewassi
lentagai
n.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihearyou"
Inodded.
Me:
"Openup"
Hechuckl
edandIfedhim.Weat
eandcar
ri
edon
spendi
ngourdayt
ogether
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Adaywel lspentwithAndi swa,Sheget syou
thinkingatt i
mesandshemakesyouf eelyoungand
bel ooseagai n.Idon'tknowhowt oputi t
.Ir eall
y
l
oveherbutt hepolygamypar tIam notsur e.Ifelt
uneasewi thwhatshesai dandIt otal
lyunder stand.
Shoul dIcomecl ean?Wi t
ht hebothofthem orwai t
andseehowf arthi
sgoes.MaybeIshoul dwai tti
ll
Unat hii
soutoft heTrimest erstagethenIcan
discussi twiththebot hoft hem.Am Ipr eparedt o
l
ooseei t
heroneoft hem andt heansweri sno.I t
's
dar koutsideandIpar kedtwohousesaway.
Andi
swa:
"Ir
eal
lyenj
oyedmyday"
Sheki
ssedmycheek.
Andi
swa:
"Ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"Yeah,
j
ustwor
k"
Iper
kedherl
ips.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Shesmi
ledandIhuggedher
.Idon'twannaloose
her
.Sheisbri
ngi
ngnewmeaningintomylif
e.
Andi
swa:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Shehoppedoutandwavedbef orewalkingof
fandI
stayedt her
ewatchi
nghert
il
lshegotinsidet
he
house.It ookmyphoneoutoffli
ghtmodeand3
mi ssedcall
sfr
om Unat
hi.Ical
ledherandshe
answer edonthethi
rdr
ing.
Unat
hi:
"Baby"
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Unat
hi:
"Yourbr
otheri
sher
ewi
thyoursi
ster"
Theannoyancei
nhervoi
cecan'
tbemi
ssed.
Me:
"Iam comi
ng"
Shehangsup.Sheknowsdamnwel l
Ihatethatbut
Iwil
lleti
tsl
ideandsayi
t'
sherhor
mones.Istar
tthe
caranddroveoff
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Igoti
nt hehouseandif
ounddadwatchi
ngSkeem
saam andIclosedt
hedoorl
ocki
ngandhelookedat
mewithaneyebr owrai
sed.
Me:
"Hidad"
Isatnextt
ohi
m andsnuggl
edcl
ose.
Dad:"Youshoul
dgobat
h.Idon'
twantt
osmel
ll
ike
yourboyf
ri
end"
Me:
"awu"
Dad:
"goandbat
h"
Ist
oodupdr aggingmyf
eetandwentt
oboi
lthe
wateri
nthekitchent
obat
h.IgaveMer
cyacall
whil
ewaiti
ng.Sheanswered.
Mer
cy:
"Si
stersi
ster"
Me:
"Babeshowar
eyou?Imi
ssyou"
Mercy:
"Imi
ssyoutoo.Iwi
ll
asksandi
let
hatyou
comethi
ssi
desoon"
Me:
"Ican'
tleavedadal
one"
Mer
cy:
"thenweneedt
ogetdadagi
rl
fr
iend"
Me:
"youwantmei
npr
isonIsee"
Shel
aughed.
Mer
cy:
"thenmar
rydadke"
Me:
"Ican'
tmar
rydadhawuhei
smyf
ather"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Mer
cy:
"spi
lli
tknowyou"
Ibl
ushed
Me:
"It
'sst
il
lear
ly"
Mer
cy:
"soyouar
edat
ing.Wow,
whoi
sit?
"
Me:
"youdon'
tknowhi
m"
Mer
cy:
"that
'st
hewhol
epoi
ntofmeaski
ng"
"onemi
nut
eremai
ning"
Me:
"ei
shmymi
nut
esar
erunni
ngout,
tal
klat
er"
Mer
cy:
"YeyiwenaAndi
swacomebackher
e!"
Shewasshouti
ngt
hroughthephoneandIl
aughed
bef
orehangi
ngupandtookthewatert
ogoand
bat
h.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
15] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t14
*
UNATHI*

Li
sa:"Mmhumf wet
huulambakanj
e(Mybr
other
suf
fersf
rom hungerl
iket
his?
)"
Irol
lmyeyesandcl ickmyt ongue.Shei seatingmy
foodwhi l
ecompl ai
ningherbr othersuff
ersfrom
hunger.Ididn'
tof f
erthem bever ages,t
heyknow
thekit
chenandcandoi tt
hemsel vesbesidest hey
i
nvitedthemselvesher e.Zamanicomesi nthe
l
oungeaf terhewasont hecalloutsideandthedoor
opensandt hankGodhewal kedinbecauseIcan' t
handlehissibl
ings.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Nganezi
kababa(dad'
schi
ldr
en)
"
Zamani:",
ubungekeusasi
fi
ca(youwoul
dhave
missedus)"
Li
sa:
"ayiuyashadaboh(youcanmar
ry)
"
Sheputthepl
atedownandclappedonceherhands.
Irol
ledmyeyes,shei
rr
it
atesme.Ntethel
elol
ooks
atme.
Zamani:
"sobonanangeWeekend(wewi
llseeyou
ont
heweekend)
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Sur
e,l
etmewal
kyouout
."
Helookedatme.ThankGodt
heyar
egoneIt
ook
Li
sa'spl
ate.
Me:
"nxxt
heyeatl
ikepi
gs"
Ileftitthereandwentupt hestair
sIgotinour
bedr oom andIt ookof fthegownAndIgoti nbed.
Mi nut eslaterhegoti nandwal kedtothebathr
oom
andcl osedt hedoorandIhear dt heshowersounds.
Iwaswai ti
ngf orhi
mt i
llaft
erminuteshegotout
withat owelwr appedar oundhiswai st,
Iwas
drool ingoverhi m.Hewor eboxersandgotinbed
andt urnedt heotherway.Di st
ancebet weenour
bodi es.Igotcl osertohi m,Iwanthimt ohol
dme
l
ikehedoesever ynight.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unat
hisl
eep"
Me:
"butIcan'
tsl
eep,
hol
dme"
Hecl
ickedhi
stongueandIkeptqui
et,
washemad
atme?Forwhatthough?
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
backatwor kandbackt omydut i
es.Iam gl addad
gotadayof fandsoi tmeansmyl unchi salso
l
ovelymadewi thlove.Ver ysooni twillbe
Valent
ine'
s,justaf ewdaysl eftandIcan' twaitto
seewhatnot edadwi l
lwr i
tethisti
me.Honest ly
wit
hhim Idon' tneedamanbutatt hesamet i
me.
Hecan'ttouchmet hewayNt ethel
el odoesr i
ght?
Makemef eelthatdiffer
entlove.Ij ustclockedin
andIwascl eaningmysect ionwhensomeone
cl
earedtheirthroatandi twasTr i
stan.
Me:
"MrBr
own.HowmayIhel
pyou?"
Tr
istan:
"whenyouar
edonepl
easemeetmei
nmy
of
fice"
Inoddedandhewal kedaway.Icar
ri
edonwithmy
workduti
esandsoonaf t
erIwasdone.Imademy
waytohisof
ficeandIknockedandacomeinwas
shoutedbefor
eIgotinandhel
if
tedhi
sheadf
rom
thebooksinfr
ontofhi
m.
Tr
ist
an:
"pl
easebeseat
ed"
Isati
nfr
ontofhi
m.
Me:
"ist
her
eanyt
hingwr
ong?"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwant
edt
oaskyout
hat"
Ikeptqui
et.
Tr
ist
an:
"Di
dIdosomet
hingwr
ong?"
Me:
",No"
Tr
ist
an:
"Whathappened?
"
Yourmot
hert
hreat
enedme.
Me:
"Not
hing."
Hel
ooksatmeandsi
ghs.
Tri
stan:
"Ok,Iwaswonder
ingi
fyouwoul
dli
ket
o
havealazySat
urdaywi
thmeandAmber?"
Me:"Iwoul
dlovet
obutIwi
llspeakt
omyf
ather
f
ir
st"
Hesmi
led.
Tr
ist
an:
"sur
e"
Inoddedbef
orewal
kingoutandwentt
osear
chf
or
Fif
i.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Beingpissedwoul dn'tdescr i
behowIam f eeli
ng,I
am angr ybutmostofal ldi
sappointedtowards
Unathi,howcanshedot hi
stoherin-l
aws.Your
husband' sfamily,
ourf amilyIshouldsay.IthinkI
spoilhertoomucht hat'swhyshei sli
kethis.Iwas
workingf rom homet oday,Idon'twanttogo
anywher esoher eIam i nmyst udy.Myphoner i
ngs
andI t
'sAndi swaandIsmi l
e, Ianswer.
Me:
"Sugarpl
um "
Andi
swa:
"Yousoundgay"
Me:
"it
'ssupposedt
omakeyoubl
ush"
Andi
swa:
"wel
litdi
dn'
t"
Iknowshei
sbl
ushi
ng.
Me:
",Iknowyouar
e"
Shegi
ggl
ed
Andi
swa:
",
Howar
eyout
hismor
ning?"
Me:
"ti
red"
Andi
swa:"Youwor
kal
ot,
haveyoueverhada
massagebef
ore?"
Itur
nedmychai
rar
oundandl
ookedoutt
hevi
ew
behi
ndme.
Me:
"Idon'
twantst
ranger
stouchi
ngmybody"
Shel
aughed
Andi
swa:
"soDr
amat
icMbul
azi"
Ismi
led
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Andi
swa:
"yes"
Me:
"Il
oveyou.Ireal
lydoandsomet
imesi
tscar
es
mehowmuchIloveyou"
Ther
eissi
lence
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"Iwantyout
omeetmyol
derbr
other"
Andiswa:"t
oosoont
omeetf
ami
ly,
wehaven'
t
fi
nishedamonth"
Me:
"Iwi
llt
ellyouwhen,
please"
Andi
swa:
"wewi
llsee"
Me:
"Iwi
llsendl
unch"
Andi
swa:
"Don'
t.Daddymadeonef
orme"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Daddi
esgi
rl"
Andi
swa:
"yep"
Me:
"Ican'
twai
ttoseeyouwobbl
e"
Andi
swa:
"wobbl
e?"
Ichuckl
ed.
Andi
swa:"Ei
shIhavet
ogo.Cal
lyoul
ater
sweet
ness"
Ichuckl
edbefor
eIhangup.Ismil
e,shehast
hat
mucheffectonme.ThedooropensandUnat
hi
bargesi
n.If
orgotIwasmadatt
hisonef
ora
second.
Unathi:"Iwasatthemal
landwhileIwasswippi
ng
forshoesthecardwasdecl
ined.Whati
sgoingon
Ntethel
elo?!Ungi
buki
senabantu(you
embar r
assedme) "
Me:
"si
tdown"
Unathi:
"don'
ttel
lmet
osi
tdown!Unl
ockt
hedamn
car
d!"
Me:
"it
'smymoney"
Unat
hi:
"youmeanourmoney"
Il
ookedather
Me:"Doyouwor k?Doyouwakeupever
ydayand
sweatyourassofff
orourMoney?
"
Unat
hi:
",,
i
t'
syourdut
yasahusbandt
otakecar
eof
me"
Me:"youmeanspoilyou,Ihavel
etthi
ngssli
defor
thesakeoft
hatIl
oveyoubutnowi t
'sget
ti
ngoutof
handandthewayyout r
eatmyfamil
y.."
Ikeepqui
et.
Me:
"youral
lowancewi
lldecr
easebyR10000"
Unat
hi:
"TheFuckNt
ethel
elo!YoumeanIwi
llget
R5000permonth?"
Me:
"maybeyouwi
lll
ear
nsomet
hing"
Unat
hi:
"Ineedt
omai
ntai
nthi
s"
Me:
"andbi
ll
sneedt
obepai
d"
Unat
hi:
"fuckyouok!Justf
uckyouNt
ethel
elo!
"
Me: "Iwoul
dwat
chmymout hi
fIwereyoubecause
thatR5000canbedowntonothi
ngandthatri
ng
(pointi
ngati
t)wi
llbeonsomeoneel
se'
sf i
nger."
Icar
ri
edonwi
thmywor
k
Unat
hi:
"ar
eyoucheat
ingonme?"
Me: "HowcanIcheatonyouwhenIalwayssl
eep
nexttoyouatni
ghtholdi
ngyouandIam al
ways
wit
hyou?"
Shewassi
lent
Unat
hi:
"babyIam sor
ry"
Me:
"getoutUnat
hiIneedmyspace"
Shecamebymysi
de.
Unat
hi:
"pl
easebaby"
Igotupf
rom mychai
randpushedherasi
de,
Itook
mycarkeys.
Me:
"Iam goi
ngt
owor
kabi
t"
Iwal
kedoutoft hestudyandIwenttomycarandI
goti
nanddr oveoff,
thisi
snotthefi
rstt
imeI
decr
easedherallowance.SheusedtogetR30000
permonthandont opofthatmyblackcardnow
sheneedstolearn.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.

Ntet
hel
eloar
ri
vedher
eearl
ierandhelookedangry
whenhewenttohi
soffi
ce.IhadlunchwithFif
iand
t
henbacktoworkwewent.Peoplehaveknocked
offandIam alwaysthelastcleanert
oleavefor
somer eason.Af
terIwasdonewi t
hmycl eani
ngI
wenttochangeandt hent ookmybagandIwal ked
toNtethel
elo'
soff
ice,Ihavetosaygoodbye. I
knockedandacomei nwasshout edandIopened
thedoorandhewasf ocusedonwhathewasdoi ng.
Me:
"Icamet
osaygoodbye"
Hel
if
tedhi
sheadhesi
ghed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e"
Icl
osethedoorlocki
ngitandwalkedtowar
dshi
m,I
can'
tri
skusbeingwalkedin.Heplacedmeonhi
s
l
apandkissedmyneck.
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"justwor
kst
ress"
Iki
ssedhi
sfor
ehead.
Me:
"youwi
llbeokMbul
azi
"
Igotupfr
om hi
m andputmybagonthedeskandI
wentbehi
ndhim andst
art
edmassagi
nghim.
Me:
"Youneedawar
m bat
h,ni
cehomecooked
mealandbei
ngtakencar
eof
fandgoodr
estt
hen
youwil
lbefi
ne.
Hehadhi
seyescl
osed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(gr
oani
ng)wi
thyounextt
ome"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowi
fthatwi
llhel
p"
Ntet
helel
o:"woul
dyoul
eavewi
thme?Ineedyou
t
onight"
Iswal
lowedwhi
lemassagi
nghi
m.
Me:
"Ihaveneversl
eptoutbef
ore.Idon'
tknow.
Ntet
hel
elo:"please,
i
fIhavetobepunchedbyyour
f
atherf
ortonightIwil
ldothat"
Il
aughed.
M:
"wewi
llsee"
Isai
dashecar
ri
edongr
oani
ng.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
15] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t15

Iwai
tedforNtet
helel
ot ofi
nishuphi swor
kandt hen
wewalkedoutheopenedt hedoorformeandIgot
i
nandthankedhim andhewentt ohissi
deandgot
i
nbeforehedroveoff.Iwasner vous.Whatwil
ldad
?Ihaveneverbroughtamanhomeandi ntr
oduced
hi
m asmyboyf r
iend.Willheagreetothi
s?Iknow
mom wouldhavehadaf i
t.Innotimewewer ein
MamelodiandIbreathedout .
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youok?"
Me:
"Justner
vous"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ishoul
dbetheonewhoi
sner
vous,
I
mi
ghtgetapunchtoni
ght"
Il
aughed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youar
ebeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"t
hankyou,
l
et'
sgett
hisdone"
Wegotoutoft hecarandIdidalit
tl
eprayerandI
walkedinsi
de.Iknockedbef
oregetti
nginandIsaw
AuntyJabuli
lewithdad.Thi
ngshavegottenworse
butIruntohugherandshel aughs
Me:"youandKhuluzaarewrong,
youdon'
t
announceyouar
ecomi ng"
Jabul
il
e:"
Iam l
eavi
ngnextweekNanadon'
twor
ry."
Iwentt
odadandwehugged.
Dad:
"howwaswor
k?"
Me:
"itwasgood,
uhm dad"
Hel
ookedatme.
Me:
"Uhm soher
eist
het
hingdon'
tshoutpl
ease"
Dad:
"haveIevershout
ed.?"
Nohehasnever
Me:
"No"
Jabul
il
e:"
(laughi
ng)i
t'
saboyr
ight?
"
Myhear
twasbeat
ingf
ast
.
Me:
"ei
shyahKonakul
apho(yeahi
t'
sthat)
"
Herl
aughingmadethi
ngseasebutdad'
s
expr
essi
onlessf
acewasmakingmenervous.
Dad:
"Iwantt
oseehi
m"
Me:
"oh"
HelookedbacktothetvandIwalkedoutwi
thaunt
y
Jabul
il
elaughi
ng.IgottoNtet
hel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youl
ookdr
ained"
Me:
"hewant
stoseeyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"that
'sexpect
ed."
Me:
"whati
fhepunchesyou?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'swor
tht
her
isk."
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sgo"
Ibr
eathedoutbefor
ewewalkedi
nsideandt
hen
dadlookedatusandswi
tchedof
fthetv.
Dad:
"Jabul
il
e"
Shecamei
nther
oom r
unni
ng.
Me:
"Awubaba"
Hesi
gnal
edf
ormet
oshutup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Sani
bonani"
Jabuli
le:
"wayi
dlal
aMnt akaBhutii
ntsi
zwaphel
aleh
(welldonemybrother
'schil
d.Heishandsome)"
Me:
"Aunt
y!"
Nt
ethel
elobl
ushed.
Dad:
"Uwubani
?(Whoar
eyou?)
"
Me:
"uhm dadandJabul
il
ethi
sisNt
ethel
elo.
..
..
..
"
Hei
nter
rupt
edme.
Dad:
"hecanspeakf
orhi
msel
fIpr
esume.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"r
ightsi
r."
Dadl
ookedathi
m.Ntet
hel
elol
ookedatmebefor
e
cl
ear
inghi
sthr
oat.Mi
ndyouweweresti
llst
andi
ng..
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam Nt
ethel
eloKhumal
oMrBhengu"
Dad:
"si
tdown"
Weallsatdown.I
twassi
lent
.Thet
vwasoff
.
Jabul
il
ewouldmakecommentsher
eandt
here.
Dad:
"whatdoyouwantf
rom mydaught
er?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"herl
ove,hersuppor
tandmostofal
l
maybeawi f
eifi
t'
sal
lowed"
Ibl
ushed.Nt
ethel
elohasneversai
dthatt
ome
bef
ore.
Jabul
il
e:"awusebomvu(youar
esor
ed)
"
Sheclappedherhandsgi
ggl
ing.Iswearshei
sa
chi
ld.
Dad:
"ngiyakuzwa,
manj
eni
yaj
ola?(Ihearyou,
now
youaredati
ng?)"
Of
cause.Dadwant
sust
osweat
.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Chaasi
jol
i,
si
yathandana(nowear
e
notdat
ing,
wearei
nlove)"
Dadl
ooksatme.
Dad:
"whyar
eyouqui
et?
"
Me:
"It
houghtyousai
dIshoul
dbequi
et"
Dad:
"it
'sj
ustt
hatyout
alkt
oomuchatt
imes"
Theyl
aughatme.
Dad:
"soaskwhatyouwantt
oask"
Me:
"canIl
eavewi
thhi
m.Ipr
omi
seIwi
llbeback
t
omorr
ow"
Het
urnedandl
ookedatNt
ethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ipr
omi
seshewi
llbesaf
e"
Dad:
.Gopack"
Ij
umpedonhi
m andki
ssedhi
m al
lover
.
Me:
"Il
oveyou,
Il
oveyou"
Dad:
"It
rustyou"
Iki
ssedhi
scheek.
Me:
"letmegobef
oreyouchangeyourmi
nd"
Ir
ant omyr oom andtookoutasmallbagandIput
i
ncl ot
hesfortomorr
owandpyj amasandmygown
of
causeandcosmet icsandIwasdoneandI
walkedoutandtheywer et
alki
ng.Ntethel
elost
ood
upwhenhesawme.
Dad:
"Khumal
oIdon'
twantmydaught
erpr
egnant"
Me:
"dad!"
Jabul
il
e:"bazokunyobaVandag(t
heywi
llgi
vei
tto
yout
oday)
"
Me:
"canwel
eave?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:"shewon'
t.ThankyouMrBhengui
twas
ni
cemeetingyou"
Dad:
"ni
cemeet
ingyou"
Theywalkedusoutandwel oadedmybaginand
wegotinandlookedateachotherbef
orewe
l
aughedandbuckledup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thatwasi
nter
est
ing"
Me:
"myf
ami
lyi
scr
azy,
don'
tmi
ndt
hem "
Nt
ethel
elo:
"theyar
eni
ce."
Me:"yeahbutyoudon'
twannameetKhul
uza,
that
one"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantt
omeethernow."
Hest
art
edt
hecaranddr
oveof
f.
.
.
*
UNATHI*
Ntethel
eloj ustsentamessaget hathewon' tbe
homet oni ght,
hestil
lneedshisspace.Ihavebeen
si
tti
ngi nfrontofthetvwithicecream andwi ne
whilewat chingkeepingupwi t
htheKar dashians.I
didn'
tmeant opushhi m butIcan'tf
akeloving
someone.Ij ustcan'
t,t
hedooropenedandI
expectedhi mt owalkinbutmom andQamowal ked
i
nandIj ustcried.
Mom :
"Ohmygoodnessmybaby"
Qamo:
"youar
edr
inki
ngwhi
lepr
egnant?"
Me:
"leavemeal
one"
Wedon'
tseeeyetoeyeatt
imes.Mom hugsmeand
Icr
yonherchest
.
Me:"hecutmyall
owancet
oR5000mommy.Hi s
si
bli
ngswereher
eandyouknowIdon'
tli
ket
hem "
Qamo:
"GoodoneNt
ethel
eloyouneedt
olear
n"
Mom :
"Qamuki
le!
"
Shecl
ickedhert
ongue.
Qamo:
"Youanddad.Spoi
lhert
oomuch."
Mom :
"Shei
sourbaby"
Qamo: "Ntethel
elohastodealwithherspoi
ltbr
at
at
ti
tudebecauseofyou, sheislazyasfuckandyou
i
nstal
ledthisment al
it
ythatever
ythi
ngrevol
ves
ar
oundher ."
Mom :
"that
'
senough."
Shewal
kedt
otheki
tchen.
Mom :
"don'
tcrymybaby,
youcan'
ttol
erat
epeopl
e
whodon'
ttr
eatyouwel
l"
Me:
"ri
ghtmom ,
Iwanthi
m"
Mom :
"youar
ehi
swi
fe.Hewi
llbeback"
Icr
iedasshebr
ushedmyback.
Mom :
"Gi
vehi
m space"
Inodded.Ishoul
dgi
vehi
m abi
tofspace.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
"Whatar
eyouon?,
Whatar
eyouupt
o?,
I'
minmybedear
ly
Iam t
hinkaboutyou
Wher
ear
eyougoi
n',
Whogotyoul
ateatni
ght?I
'
minmybedear
ly
Somet
hin'
don'
tfeel
right
Wecoul
dbeboo'
dup
Youandme
Weekendf
ant
asy
Dr
inki
ngHennessy
Ti
lli
nfi
nit
y
Soyoucomef
il
lmeup
I
'
llpr
etendi
t'
slove
Ican'
tgetenough(oh)
[
Chor
us]
I
fyouwannacomeover
Wannacomeover
Wecanbeonsosomet
hin'
Wecanj
usdonot
hin'
I
fyouwannacomeover,
wannacomeover
Wannacomeover
Justhi
tmyphoneup"
Iwassi ngingt hatsongwhi lepr epar
ingameal.I
don'tknowwhenwast helasttimeIact ual
lycooked.
Ihopei ttastesgoodj ustli
kehowIr emember, We
areinNt ethelel
o'sapartmentandbef orewecame
hereweboughtsomei ngredientstocookwi t
h.He
j
ustwentoutandsai dhewi l
lbebackabi t
.My
phoner angandt hemusi cstoppedandIwi pedmy
handswhi l
et hebeefwasheat ingupandi twas
Mercy.
Me:
"Mngoh"
Mer
cy:
"Mngohyour
anawayf
rom met
hel
astt
ime
"
Il
aughedandNt
ethel
elowal
kedi
n.
Me:"BabesIhavet
ocomedownt
her
eit
'snota
phonematt
er."
Mercy:
"Andi
swaBhenguIsweari
fyouhangupI
am goi
ngt
okil
lyou!
!"
Sheshout
edandIl
aughed.
Me:
"tal
klat
erf
ri
endshi
p"
Ihungupwi
thherscr
eami
ng.Igi
ggl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoi
smaki
ngyougi
ggl
ebesi
deme?"
Hehol
dsmef
rom behi
nd.
Me:
"it
'smyf
ri
endshei
scr
azy"
Heki
ssedmyneckasIst
ir
edt
hepot
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"smel
lsgood.Ican'
twai
t"
Me:"Ihavefr
eshenedup,
Gof
reshenupbef
oret
he
wat
ergetscold."
Heki
ssesmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"OkMamuKhumal
o"
Ismi
ledandshookmyheadandhewal
kedof
fthen
turnedtomeandwi
nkedandIl
aughedbef
orehe
disappear
ed.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
15] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t16

*
NTETHELELO*

Whenwast helasttimeIf eltsorel

axed.Idon' t
remember, IthinkitwasbackwhenIwasa
teenagerandusedt ovisi
thomeal ot.Ruralar eas
arerelaxingandt hat'soneoft hereasonswhymy
fatherlovesUmzi mkhulu.Ijustfi
nishedshower ing
andIgotdr essedinsweatpant sandat -shirt.You
mustbewonder ingaboutt heapartment, Igotit
whenIst art
edvarsit
yandhasn' tbeenoccupied
sinceImar ri
edUnathiandIam gladIdidn'tsel
lit
.I
wal kedoutoft hebedroom andIfoundAndi swa
dishingup, thewarmthnesscomi ngfrom t
he
kitchenmaki ngthewhol eapart
mentwar m makes
mef al
lforhermor easshemovesher sel
faround
theki t
chenl i
kesheisanat ur
al.Isneakupbehi nd
herandki ssherneckandshegi ggled.
Andi
swa: "NownowMntungwa,sitdownsoyou
caneatthenaf
teryouwi
llgetamassageandthen
wesleep"
Me:
"Whatdi
dIdot
odeser
veyou?"
Shesmi l
ed.That
'saquest
ionformyselfandGodas
well
.SheamazesmeEver yti
me.Isitdownonthe
highchai
randshehandsthef oodovertomeand
shesit
snexttomeandshecl oseshereyeswhil
eI
watchher.
Andi
swa:"blesstheprovi
derof
fthi
sfood,t
he
manufact
urers,
theonewhoboughtitandtheone
whomadei t.Bl
essthosewhodon'thaveaswell
in
t
henameofJesusChr istAmen"
Me:
"Amen"
Forei
gnwordst omylips.Athomewedon' t
pract
iceChri
sti
anit
y,weacknowledgeGodbutour
ancestor
sarerecogni
sed.Wedobel ievet
hatther
e
i
sahi gherf
orceaboveourancestorssothisi
sall
newtome.
Andi
swa:
"What
'st
hemat
ter?"
Me:
"Not
hing,
justt
hatIdon'
tusual
lypr
ay"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Andiswa:"I
t'
sok,
wehavedi
ff
erentbel
ief
s.Youar
e
Nazaret
h?"
Me:"Mawubhekangi
fanel
waushembe?(Whenyou
l
ookatmeIam sui
tedtobeaNazaret
h?)"
Shegi
ggl
edasIbr
ushmysel
f.
Andiswa:"NoMntungwanoti
nabadwayand
Nazaret
hsarenotbad"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tsayt
heyar
e"
Andi
swa:
"okwhatdoyoubel
ievei
n?"
Me:
"Iam at
radi
ti
onalman"
Shepl
ayedwithmycheek.Seeshet
reat
smei
n
wayIdon'
tunder
stand.
Andi
swa:
"Youdol
ookl
ikeoneMnt
ungwa"
Shegiggl
edandichuckledthenIt
ookmyspoon
andstart
edeati
ng.Iclosedmyeyes,
Isweart
hisis
whatIneeded.Iopenedmyeyesandchewedthe
foodandshewasl ooki
ngatme.
Andi
swa:
"isi
tbad?"
Iswal
lowedanddrankwaterandsheseemst
obe
pani
ckingbutIper
kedherl
ips.
Me:
"It
'sper
fect,
thankyou"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:
"Don'
tgetusedt
oit
.Ihavel
azydays"
Ichuckl
ed
Me:
"Youcan'
tbewor
set
hanUnat
hi"
Shi
t!Icl
osedmyeyes.
Andi
swa:
"yoursi
ster?"
Iopenedmyeyesandl
ookedather.
Me:
"uhm Li
sawoul
dloveyou"
Andi
swa:
"whoi
sLi
sa?"
Me:"Mysi st
er.Ihave3si
ster
shernamei
s
Yanel
isokuhl
e"
Andi
swa:
"Il
ovehername."
Wecarri
edoneating.Iwaslookingather,i
fItel
lher
i
twouldbreakherheartbutsoonerorlat
erthetr
uth
wil
lhavetocomeout .Notnowt hough.
Andi
swa:
"Ar
eyousur
eyouar
eok?"
Me:
"iam Sugarpl
um "
Iki
ssedherl
ipsandl
ookedherI
ntheeyes.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
Ihuggedher
.Thi
sist
ough,
herar
mshuggedme
back.
.
.
*
MERCY*
.
.
Igotof
fthecarassoonashepar kedandIwal
ked
i
nsidet
hehousewithhim shout
ingaft
ermebuti
washeari
ngnonofit.
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cy"
Me:"Sandi
leyouwantt
ogetuskil
led?Whati
fwe
camebackwithYol
andaandshegotshot?
"
Sandi
le:
"Iwoul
dn'
thavel
eti
thappen"
Me: "
whoarethosepeople?Whatdotheywant
fr
om us,youevenownagunt hatIdi
dn'
tknowoff
.
Aren'
tyou bossofafinanci
alcompany"
Sandi
le:
"Iam baby"
Me:
"Expl
ain"
Hi
sphoner
angandhel
ookedatme.
Sandi
le:
"Ihavetogobaby,
Iwi
llsendpeopl
eto
comeguardthehouse"
Me:"I
fyouwal
koutt
hatdoorsandi
lehel
lwi
llbr
eak
l
oose"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou"
Heper
kedmyl
ipsandr
ushedout
.
Me:
"Sandi
le!Sandi
leZuma!
"
Ithr
ewmybagont hefl
oorandIwentdownt
he
fl
ooraswel
lcr
ying.Whati
shehidi
ng?
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Oneofmanyf i
ngers,oneofmanyt oes.Oneoft wo
ar
msi ntertwini
ngandonebeat i
nghear t.Myhead
wasonhi schestl i
steningt
ohisdr ummi ngheart
,t
hereissilenceandt houghtsstarttocreepout.
Hisbreathingisslowandsoasmi nebutthecloser
wearet ogethercreateanamazingwar mthness.He
pl
ayswi thmyf ingersandkissesthem whi l
ethey
l
ookreal l
ysmal lonhisbigmanlyhands.Hi shands
ar
eroughandmi near esof
tbutt heyseem toblend
well
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
If
acehi
m andheper
kedmyf
orehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Thankyouf
ort
his"
Ismi
leathi
m andl
ist
ent
ohi
shear
tbeatsl
owl
y.
"Youdon'
tknowbabe
Whenyouhol
dme,
andki
ssmesl
owl
y,I
t'
sthesweet
estt
hing
,
andi
tdon'
tchange
I
fIhadi
tmyway,
you'
dknowt
hatyouar
e
You'
ret
hecof
feet
hatIneedi
nthemor
ning
You'
remysunshi
nei
nther
ainwheni
t'
spour
ing
Won'
tgi
veyour
sel
ftome
Gi
vei
tal
l,
Ijustwannasee
Ij
ustwannaseehow,
beaut
if
ulyouar
e
Youknowt
hatIseei
t,Iknowyou'
rest
ar
Wher
eyougoIf
oll
ow,
nomat
terhowf
ar
I
fli
fei
smovi
e,knowyou'
ret
hebestpar
t..
..
."
Thespeakerwasplayingt
hatsongfrom myphone.
Iconnect
editwhil
eIwasmassaginghi m.It'
sa
moodsetteratt
hemoment.Isnuggl ecloserto
Ntet
helel
oandhehol dsmeandkissesmyf or
ehead.
"
isi
tsunr
ise,
andt
hosebr
owneyes(
yes)
You'
ret
heonet
hatIdesi
re
Whenwewakeup,
andt
henwemakeup
I
tmakesmef
eel
soni
ce.
You'
remywat
erwhenI
'
m st
ucki
nthedeser
t
You'
ret
het
abl
ett
hatIt
akewhenmyheadhur
ts
You'
ret
hesunshi
neonmyl
if
e..
..
"
Itspeakssomuch, maybeIam r eadingintothi
ngs
ormaybei t'sthemomentbutIl oveNt et
heleloandI
am sur eofit.Iam notscar ed.Ilookathim andhe
i
sasl eep.Woul dIgothrought hisroadcalledlove
withhim ?Theansweri syes.Am Ipr eparedtogo
throughstormswi thhim?Andi t
'sayes.Am I
preparedtol oosehim ?TrickyonebutIknowIdon' t
wantt hattohappen.Iki sshischest.
Me:
"Il
oveyouMbul
azi"
Icl
osemyeyesaswel
lwhi
lel
ist
eni
ngt
ohi
shear
t
beat
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
16] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t17

Theal ar
m wokemeup, thewayi twasr inging
i
rri
tatedme, Iwassti
lli
ncomf ortablesleepbuta
gir
lhasgott oworkforthegoodl ife.Itr
iedt ogetoff
thebedbutsomet hi
ngwashol dingmeback.I
movedmyhandsandi twasmanl yar ms.Ial most
screamedbutmybl urryvisionbecamecl earandI
sawIwasn' thome.Ihi tNtethelelo'sarmsabi t
.He
groansinhissleep.
Me:
"Ineedt
owakeup."
Hepul
lsmemor
etohi
m andhebur
iedmemor
ein
hi
sar
ms.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloKhumal
o!"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Andiswayiniubangaumsi
ndoindoda
i
lel
ekahl
e(Andiswawhyar eyoumakingnoise
whenamani shavingsomegoodsleep)"
Me:"wel
lthi
sgi
rlhasgott
ogot
owor
kherassof
f
f
orherl
if
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youar
eir
ri
tat
ingyouknow"
Me:"awusor
ryyourwomani
sthei
ndependent
t
ype"
Mindyouwewerespeaki
ngl
i
ket
hisandhest
il
lhad
hi
seyescl
osed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Icant
akecar
eofheri
ndependentbut
t
"
Hespankedme, Ishr
eekedandhechuckl
edi
nhi
s
huskydeepvoi
cedamni t
'ssexy.
Me:
",
Iwantt
ogo,
youar
emaki
ngmel
azy."
Ntet
helel
o:"Iwi
lldoubl
eyoursal
aryt
hismont
hif
yousleep."
Igetpai
dR4000sohewi
lldoubl
ethat
.Means
R8000.
Me:
"noNt
ethel
elo"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwi
llt
ri
plei
tAndi
swa,
Iwi
llsendi
teven
t
oday"
Ist
oppedsqui
rmi
ngsamet
ime.
Me:"12Sgodoni
cedoi
ngbusi
nesswi
thyouMr
Khumalo"
Hetur
nedmear
oundandopenedhiseyessl
owl
y
andki
ssedmyf
oreheadl
aughi
ng.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youar
eagol
ddi
ggermywoman"
Me:"Am not,
Ijustwantt
odomyhai
randbuy
somegoodies"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canwesl
eepnow?
"
Me:
"whataboutTr
ist
an?"
Her
aisedhi
sbr
ow.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wewi
llt
akeyout
otheDrt
ogetaDr
s
not
eandputyouonf
ami
lypl
an"
Me:"Why,
acondom canwor
kwhenwedot
he
deed"
Hesmi
led.
Ntet
helel
o:"youar
esocutealli
nnocentyetwi
ld.I
wanttohiti
trawbaby.Wehavetotestaswell
"
Me:
"ok,
butwhyr
awr
eal
ly?"
Hegavemeadi
rt
ysmi
rk
Ntet
hel
elo:"Haven'
tyouheardbeforebaby?That
i
condom babyifananemanagersomakungekho
i
manangeremsebenzinikunjani?.
..
(Acondom is
l
ikeamanager,whenthereisnomanageratwork
i
t'
swhat?) "
Me:
"ohi
t'
sni
cewhent
her
eisnomanageratwor
k"
Hepul
lsmet
ohi
m andIf
eel
hist
hing.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ther
ewego"
Me:
"Mbul
azii
spoki
ngme"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Nami
nghi
m al
ready"
Me:
"let
'ssl
eep.Youar
emaki
ngbr
eakf
ast"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ok"
,
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouMaBhengu"
Heyawnedbef orehewasbacktosl
eepagai
n.I
sti
llhadli
tt
lesl
eepbutIl
ookedathi
mforsomet
i!e
beforeIpassedoutaswel
l.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*
.
.
Iwokeupinthemor ningandhissi
dewasneatand
i
tlooksl
ikeIsleptal
one.AsIwasgett
ingoutofbed
hegotoutofthebathroom wear
ingasui
tandI
l
ookedathim.
Sandi
le:
"Ihavet
orushbaby"
Ikeptqui
etwhil
eImadethebedandhesi
ghed.He
heldmefrom behi
ndandIr
emovedmysel
f.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ryaboutyest
erday"
Me:
"Doyoudealwi
thi
ll
egalst
uff?
"
Hecl
ear
shi
sthr
oat
Sandi
le:
"noi
twasacl
ientmi
sunder
standi
ng"
Ichuckl
edcauseIknowhei
slyi
ng.
Me:
"Ok.ar
en'
tyougonnaeat?
"
Sandi
le:
"NoIwi
lleatatwor
kvi
sitme.
Me:
"Iwi
ll
"
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Me:
"Ihaven'
tfr
eshenedup."
Sandi
le:
"Idon'
tcar
e.Howi
sschool?"
Me:
"Good."
Hel
ookedathi
swat
ch.
Sandi
le:
"Ihavet
ogobaby"
Hekissedmeagainandrushedout.Isi
ghedand
satonthebed.WhyisSandil
elyi
ngtome?Iam his
wif
eheshouldn'
tbedoingthat.
.
.
*
UNATHI*
.
.
Iwokeupi nthemorningandnowordfr
om
Ntet
helel
o.Iam worr
ied,yeshedi
dtextmelast
ni
ghtandwhenIcal l
edhisphonewasoff.Isi
ghed
andtherewasaknockandmom peakedherheadin
whensheopenedt hedoor.
Mom :
"Babyar
eyousi
ck?"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"Imi
sshi
m mom "
Icr
iedandshehuggedme.
Mom :
"it
'sokbaby,
whenhecomesback.Fi
xthi
ngs
ok?"
Me:
"ok,
wear
eleavi
ngt
hisweekend"
Mom :
"tot
hebhududu'
s?"
Me:
"yes"
Mom :"wehavet
ogeti
nsectr
epel
lentspr
aysf
or
you.OhmyGodwhydidyoumar r
yinsucha
backgr
ound"
Me:
"theyar
ejustassuccessf
ulasyouguys"
Mom :
"butwedon'
tli
vei
nther
ural"
Me:"ar
ghIhatei
t.Wai
tunt
ilMot
heri
nlawandt
he
aunt
sordermear
ound"
Mom :
"youcal
lmeift
heydothatandyouar
e
pr
egnantnowsoyouneedt
orest"
Ismi
ledandr
ubbedmyst
omach.
Me:
"Ican'
twai
tforourbaby"
Mom :"i
twi
llbet
hemostspoi
ltandbeaut
if
ulbaby
ever"
Ismil
ed.Il
ovemymotherandappr
eci
ateher
suppor
tverymuch.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*
.
.
Iwassowar m butmyphonewant edtodist
urbt
his
amazingsleep.Igr oanedandlookedbesideme
andTherewasabl anketoverusmakinguswar mer.
Idon'
trememberushavi ngthatanditseemedli
ke
i
twasr ai
ning.Itookmyphoneandi twasdad.I
cl
eared!ythroatbeforeansweri
ng.
Me:
"Daddy"
Dad:
"howi
smyangel?
"
War
m,sl
eepy,
i
nar
ainyenvi
ronment.
Me:
"Iam goodhowar
eyoudad?"
Dad:
"goodj
ustchecki
ngi
fyouar
enotpr
egnant"
Me:"Dadit
'snotf
unnyandf
oryouri
nfoIhaven'
t
doneanyt
hing"
Dad:
"Good.Wi
llyoucomebackt
oday?"
Il
ookedatNtet
hel
eloandt
het
imeandi
t'
sal
most
12o'
clock.
Me:
"Iwi
llseebuti
fIdon'
tcomeIl
oveyousomuch
"
Dad:
"Mxm"
Ichuckl
ed.
Dad:
"oksl
eepmybaby"
Me:
"Howdoyou.
..
..
."
Dad:
"Iam yourf
ather
"
Me:
"ri
ght.
..
.okIl
oveyoudad"
Dad:
"Il
oveyoumyangel"
Ihungupandl ookedatNt et
helel
o,yohhemustbe
ti
redtosleepthislong.MysleepwasnowgonesoI
caref
ull
ygotoutoft hebedandImademywayt o
thebathr
oom af t
erItookmycosmet ics.Icl
osed
thedoorandIt ookashower .Aft
eroneIgotoutand
Iwrappedat owel ar
oundmeandIwal kedoutand
wenttothebedr oom.Iwor emyunderwearandI
l
oti
oned.
"Youknowyoucanj
ustdr
opt
het
owel
.Iam your
manafteral
l"
Me:
"per
ver
t"
Hechuckl
edwhi
ler
ubbi
nghi
seyesl
ikeaki
d.So
cut
e
Me:
"ncooh"
Hef
rownedandgotof
fthebed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youar
eWei
rd"
Iwentonmyt oesandheper kedmyli
psbefore
goingout.IgotinmypyjamasbecauseIdi
dn't
haveanythi
ngelseei
therthanwhatIwor
e
yester
dayandwhatwassupposedt obefortoday.
Igotinbedafter
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
htt
ps:
//www.facebook.com/pg/
Gul
uva-
109175094135921/posts/
Pl
easel
ikeandf
oll
ow
[
09/
17,
18:
16] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t18

*
UNATHI*

Iwasstil
linbedbutIwenttobathandaft
erIj
ust
gotinbed.Mom didbri
ngfoodformetoeatasIam
eati
ngfortwonow.Ical l
edLondieandZamaand
theycameandt heyar
ecomf or
ti
ngmet hr
oughthi
s.
Zama:
"Sor
ryNana"
Me:
"Hehasn'
tcal
ledyet"
Londie:
"That
'sunl
ikeNt
ethel
elo,
hewor
shi
pst
he
groundyouwalkon"
Zama:"Ther
eisat
imewhenaman'
sef
for
tsar
en'
t
appr
eci
ate"
Me:"Uqondeningal
okho?
(whatdoyoumeanby
t
hat?)"
Zama:
"Iwasj
ustt
hinki
ngoutl
oud."
Londi
e:"
Keepyourt
hought
stoyour
sel
f"
Zama:
"Yhook"
Sher
aisedherhandsup.Myphoner angandIt
ook
i
tandit
'sNtet
hel
elo.IsatupandIanswer
ed.
Me:
"Baby"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unat
hi"
Me:
"Whenar
eyoucomi
ngback?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Tomor
rowIpr
omi
se"
Me:
"Ar
eyoucheat
ingonme?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wewi
llt
alkwhenIgetbackhome"
Me:"Ungangi
nyanyi
siNt
ethel
elo!(Don'
tir
ri
tat
eme
Nt
ethel
elo!
)"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whyar
eyoushout
ing?"
Me:"becauseyouar
enotcomi
nghomeandyou
ar
enotansweringme."
Ntet
helel
o:"wewi
llt
alkt
omor
rowUnat
hiandt
hat
's
f
inal"
HehunguponmeandIscreamedinfrust
rati
on
andthr
ewmyphoneacr
osstheroom andithitt
he
wall
Zama:
"cal
m down."
Londi
e:"Hai
bocal
m downf
orwhat?
"
Zama:"shei
spr
egnantandshoul
dthi
nkoft
he
baby"
Londi
ecl
ickedhert
ongue.Icr
iedandshehugged
me.
Zama:
"cal
m downf
ri
end."
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
AfterNtethel
elohadmadebr eakf
astf orus.Itwas
scrumptiousIshouldsay,Iwashedt hedisheswhi l
e
hewentoutt obuysomesnackssi nceit'
sraining.I
wascooki ngsinceIam boredandIhaveal ready
select
edt hemovieswewi l
lwat ch.Ical l
eddadbut
i
twentt ovoicemail,
Iguesshei sst i
llworki
ng.
Ntethel
elowalkedinbangingt hedoorandIl ooked
athim andhepl acedt
hepl asti
cfullofsnackson
thecounter.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'swar
minher
e"
Me:
"Iam cooki
ng"
Hesmiledandst
oodbehi
ndmebef
oreopeni
ngt
he
potandpeaki
ng.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Icangetusedt
othi
s"
Me:
"Ther
ear
est
epst
ofol
lowt
ohavi
ngt
his"
Ntet
hel
elo:"AndIwil
lfoll
owthem.Wewi l
lhavet
o
gotomorr
owt otheDr,Ial
readybooked"
Me:
"Thankyou"
It
urnedtofacehim andhisdimpl
esappear
ed.I
wi
sht oseetheparentsbehi
ndthi
sbeautyi
nfr
ontof
me.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whatar
eyout
hinki
ngof
f?"
Me:
"Howyourpar
ent
slookl
ike?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Li
keme"
Igi
ggl
edandhet
urnedof
fthest
ove.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwonderhowyourmot
herl
ooksl
ike"
Me:
"Li
keme"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Shewasbeaut
if
ult
hen"
Iblushedandhehel dmyf acebef oreourl i
ps
coll
idedandweshar edaki ss.EverytimeNt ethelel
o
andIshar eakissit
sl ikethefirstt
imehi shands
touchingme.Hepi cksmeupandwal kedtot he
bedroom andheget si nandpl acesmeont hebed
andbr eakstheki
ssf rom myl ipsandgoesdownt o
myneckwhi lemybreat hi
nghi nched.Hi scol
d
handswentundermyt opandhesqueezedmy
boobsandImoaned.Theysentshi versdownmy
spineast heywe'
recol dandbecamewar m byj ust
touchingmeordi dIadj usttothewar mt hness.No
manhasevert ouchedmel i
ket hi
sbutIl oveit.He
sli
pshishandi ntomywetunder wearandher ubs
onmycl itandImoanandheki ssesmyl ips,t
he
pleasuref r
om thiscircularmot ionisdoingt hingsto
me.Hel eavesmyl i
psandgoest omyneckandhe
removesmypant swhilecircul
at i
ngonmycl i
tand
soonhisheadi sbur i
eddownt here.Hiswar m
tonguepr essesonmycl itandgoest omyVi rgina
andIsqui r
m abi tbecausei t'
sat adsor ebut
pleasurablewhenhi stonguewentandout.Ihel d
ont hesheet sandopenedmyl egsf orhim wider
andImaonedt ot hi
sforeignpl easure.Anur get o
peecameandIr emovedhi sheadwhi l
epant i
nglike
adogandhel ookedatme.
Me:
"Ineedt
hebat
hroom "
Hewentbackdownandhi stonguewasatitagai
n
,l
ickingandthrust
ingi
nme.Theurgecameback
mor ethanbefore.
Me:
"(moani
ng)
Ntet
hel
elo"
Hel
if
tedhi
sheadabi
tandspoke.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"leti
tgobaby"
Hewentbacktohi st
hingandIheldonhisheadas
mybodyshookandIl etgoofwhatitwas.My
breat
hingwastr
yingtosubside.Hegotupandwent
tothebathr
oom andcamebackwi thatowelandhe
wipedmeandkissedmyf orehead.
Me:
"whatwast
hat?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Thatwasyourf
ir
stor
gasm baby"
Me:
"i
t'
spar
tofsex?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"for
epl
ay"
Me:
"For
epl
ayi
s?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"youlooksocut
e,comel
ayonmychest
soIcantel
lyou."
Il
aidonhi
schestandhepl
ayedwi
thmyf
inger
s.
Ntet
helel
o:"Forepl
ayhas4t
hingsBabyt
heydon'
t
i
nvolvepenetr
ati
on"
Me:
"ohwhatwej
ustdi
d"
Henodded.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llt
eachyoumor
enextt
ime"
Me:
"Iwoul
dlovet
hat
."
Iwasget
ti
ngsl
eepy.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyouMbul
azi"
Hi
shear
tbeatwasmaki
ngmedr
owsy.
.
.
*
MERCY*

YolandaisatHergr andparents, myinlaws.Iwon' t

l
ie,theyarelovelypeoplebutt herear
esomer otten
eggsher eandt here.Iam j ustgl admybabydi dn't
witnesswhathappenedyest erday.Ilookedatt he
ti
meandi t
'sperfecttimetogot ohiswor kplace.
Wel lSandi
leandImet3year sago.Thatt i
meIwas
i
nhi ghschoolmyl astyear,theyearwel ostMom
aswel l(Andiswa'smot her)t heyearIhadmyangel
.ItwasNewyear sandi twashappeni nginSowet o
soMeandAndi swat aggedt ogohaveahype.She
wasn' tsurehenceshel eftearlybecauseofabad
feel
ingshehad.SoDadf etchedhert henhecame
i
nt hePl acewi thhisf r
iends.Theyal lseemedt o
havepar t
ner sbutnothi m.Hewas25t hattime.He
wast heyoungestandhi sbr otherwas
Kwandokuhl e.Ihadmyeyesonhi m onlyandhi s
fri
endswer ehotaswel lbutheseemedavai labl
e
,withmyf riendsdrinkinghecameandof f
eredt o
payf orourdr i
nksifhewoul dl eavewi t
hme.Iwas
charmedandduhIl eftwi thhim, itwassupposedt o
beaoneni ghtstandt hatt urnedintomebei nga
mot herandhi m afather.Mypar entswer eangr y
andIhadt osear chf orhi m untilIfoundhim and
tol
dhi m Iam pr egnant, mypar entsdisownedme
thattimebecauseIwasashame.Andi swa
suppor tedmeandsoasherpar ents.Sandilesaid
hewi lltakecar eofthebabyandf oundusapl aceto
l
ive,hewasani nvolvedbabydaddyandboom we
fel
lforeachot herast imewentby, toomuchhe
mar ri
edmet hefol
lowi ngyear .Her eIam.
Iwor
emybl
ackof
fshoul
derdr
essandwhi
te
sandalsandtiedmyweavei ntoabunandIt ookmy
bagandcarkeys.Iwentdownt hestai
rsandIgotto
mycarandIdr oveoutofLaLuciaanddrovet o
Umhl angawher eoneofSandil
e'scompani esis
based.Ialwayslovehisoff
icecauseyoucansee
theoceanview.IgotthereandIparkedbef or
e
gett
ingoutIfixedmyselfandIgotoutofmyG-
Wagon.IsawhercarandIchuckl edabitpissedof
f
andIwal kedi
nsi det
herecept
ioni
stgreeted.
Her:
"Mr
sZuma"
Me:
"Hi"
Iwenttot heElevatoranpressedhi
sf l
oorandit
wentup.I tpingedandIgotoutandwentst raightt
o
hisoffi
ceandIknocked.Hi sPAsatt heresi
lentl
y.I
gotinafterknockingtwiceandshegavemea
connivi
ngsmi le.
Pear
l:"Mer
cy"
Sandi
le:
"bei
ntouchwi
thmypa"
Pear
l:"sur
ewi
lldo,
ifshef
ail
syouknowIcant
ake
youback"
Sandi
le:
"Getoutofmyof
fi
cePear
l"
Shetookherbagandbumpedmeonherwayout
andclosedt
hedoor.
Me:
"IguessIdi
stur
bedsomet
hing."
Sandi
le:
"babyi
t'
sjustbusi
ness"
Iwon'tli
e,Pearlint
imidat
es.Me.Shei st
hatexthat
neverleaves.Alwayssurfaces.Hecametowards
meandhel dmyai st.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou,
Imar
ri
edyounother"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tsayanyt
hing"
Sandi
le:
"butyoureyessaysomet
hingel
se"
Me:
"Youar
ereadi
ngt
hem wr
ong"
Iper
kedhi
sli
ps.Hemar
ri
edmeandnotherr
ight?
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Ilookedatherbr eathingslowly,Ihol
dhercloserto
meandshesqui rmsabi tbeforeshesettl
es.Ikiss
hercheek.IloveAndi swa,Idon'twanttohurther,
it
won'tbemyi ntentiont ohurtherbutwhydoIf eel
l
ikethis.Li
keever ythingwi l
lgowr ongonceshe
knows.Ican'triskt hatatthemomentbutIwanna
enjoytimewithher.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
17] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t19

*
NTETHELELO*

Wear eonourwayhome.Twodayshavepassed
andlastni
ghtt
hingsspi
ral
ledoutofcontr
olended
usinthehospi
tal
.Ihaveaarm supportonbecause
Unathihitmewi thabatbecauseofher
assumpt ionswhi char et ruebutshedi dsome
damage.MyMaser atiandPor chewer edamaged
fr
om t hewi ndowsanddoor .Idon' tevenknowwhy
weownabati nt hef i
rstpl acebutIl ear ntaboutit
yesterday.It urnandl ookatherasshehasher
headonmyt highs.Ir emovet heweavef rom her
eyes.I t
smyf aultforthewaysheact edandIdon' t
blameher.Unat hicangoal lpsychoandIam not
surehowshewi llr
eacti nal ongrunwhenIment i
on
aboutAndi swa.Isi ghandl ookoutt hewi ndow
whilethedr iverdr i
vessi nceIcan' tusemyar m as
i
t'
ssor eandmyshoul der .ItakeoutmyphoneandI
scrollandseet hatAndi swai sonl i
neonWhat sapp.
Igot oherst atusandshehasapi ctureofherand
herauntandf athercover edinf l
owersmi l
ing.I
smileaswel lalltomysel f
.Il oveAndi swaandI
alsoLoveUnat hiaswel linadi ff
erentway.

.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

IwentallpsychoonNtet
hel
eloyesterdaywhenhe
camebackl ateandhesmell
edli
ket hatperf
ume
again.Iwentcrazyandj
ustbashedever yt
hing
result
ingi
nmehur ti
nghi
m.Ididn'
tmeant ohurt
him butheispushi
ngme.Whyi shecheat ingon?
Whyi shedoingthi
stome? Iopenedmyeyes
whensomeoneshookmeandIl ookedupandi t
washi m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wehavear
ri
ved"
IsatupandrubbedmyeyesbeforeIgotoutofthe
carandhisf
amilywaswaiti
ngforus.Iroll
edmy
eyeswhil
eclosi
ngthedoorandthedri
verastaking
ourbagsout
.Hi smotherr
antowardsusand
huggedHim.
Mah:"OhMntanamiuzeubuye(ohmychi
ld,
you
cameback)
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wewer
eher
eChr
ist
mas"
Mah:"Thatwast
womont
hsago,
whathappened
her
e?"
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"ngil
imalengi
lungi
saimot
o
emsebenzi
ni(Igothur
twhilef
ixi
ngacaratwor
k)",
Mah:
",Awushame"
Sherubbedhi
sar
m andIr
oll
edmyeyes.She
l
ookedatme.
Mah:
"Makot
i"
Shet
ri
edt
ohugmebutIst
eppedback.
Me:
"Mah,
Ntet
hel
eloIam hungr
y"
Unami:
"(onecl
ap)Heeh!
"
Zamani:
"Uzost
hol
aesbayeni(youwi
llf
indusby
thekr
aal)"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"come"
Hewalkedof
fandIf
oll
owedwhil
ehissi
ster
smade
somecomments.Wegoti
ntheki
tchenandhe
tur
nedtome.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Il
oveyouUnat
hibutyouract
ionswi
ll
pushme"
Me:"isthatyourwayofsayi
ngyouwantt
ojust
if
y
yourcheati
ng?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
",
No,i
t'
smywayoft
ell
ingyout
hatyou'
re
nott
heonlyoneIl
ove"
Me:
"whoi
sshe?"
Hemadeasandwi
chf
orme
Me:
"whoi
sthebi
tchNt
ethel
elo!
?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youwi
l
lsoonf
indout"
Heki
ssedmyf
oreheadashehandedt
hesandwi
ch
t
ome.
Me:
"Tel
lme!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"feedmychi
ldUnat
hi,
Iwi
llseeyou"
Hewal
kedoutandIthrewt
hepl
atear
oundandmy
mot
heri
nlawwalkedin.
Mah:"Ngabekuhambakahl
eMakot
i?(I
s
ever
ythi
ngok?)"
Me:
"cel
aungazingenii
ndabazam(don'
tint
erf
ere
i
nmybusiness)"
Li
sa:
"Hai
bot
hat
'smymot
heryouar
etal
kingt
o"
Shesai
dwal
kingi
n.
Mah:
"it
'sok."
Lisa:
"Noman,Iwil
lsl
apyouwena!Thisismy
homenotyour
sbrat,Iwi
llmopt
hisf
loorspeaki
ng
tomymotherl
iket
hat"
Shesai
dpointi
ngherf
ingeratmeandIt
ookt
he
kni
feof
fthetabl
e.
Me:
"Tr
ybi
tch"
Mahputt
hesandwi
chandpl
ateont
hecount
er.
Mah: "Umsi
ndoawufunakal
i,
Makotibekaummese
phansi(wedon'
twantanynoise.Mydaught
erput
theknif
edown)"
It
hrewitherdi
rect
ionandsheduckedandLi sa
sl
appedmeandIsl appedherbackandshe
at
tackedmeandIscr eamedbeforeever
yonegotin.
Shewaspulli
ngmyweaveandsl appi
ngmewhi le
onmyst omach.
Li
sa:
"uyeyi
sasf
ebe(
,youar
erudebi
tch!
)"
,
Unami:
"MshayewenaDade(hi
thermysi
ster!
)"
Me:
"Myexpensi
veweaveBi
tch!"
Li
sa:
"mybr
otherboughti
tbi
tch!"
Ayandapul
ledLi
saof
fmeandNt
ethel
elogotmeup.
Me:
"shewant
stoki
llourbaby"
Ayanda:
"Cal
m downLi
sa"
Mahwasst
andi
ngt
her
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Yanel
isokuhl
e!"
Unami:
"ayiNt
ethel
elohawu"
Ayandawal
kedoutwi
thherscr
eami
ngandbaba
camein.
Baba:
"whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Mah:
"Ukungahambi
sanibabaakut
heni(i
t'
sa
mi
sunder
standi
ng,
not
hingmuch) "
Helookedmydi
rect
ion.Hei
stheonl
yper
sonIam
scar
edofher
e.
Baba:
"Mkamicel
aungi
landi
l
e(mywi
fepl
ease
f
oll
owme)
"
Shesmil
edlookingatmeandIr
oll
edmyeyes
bef
oreshewalkedout.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whatwast
hatf
or?"
Me:
"What?"
Hebi
tt
erl
ychuckl
ed.
Ntethel
elo:
"Unathiyouar
eskatingonathi
nice.
Threadcaref
ull
ybecauseyoudon'twantt
oseemy
darksideandit
'sslowl
ycreepi
ngup"
Hi
sexpr
essi
onsai
dital
l.Iwasscar
ed.
Me:
"Ineedt
oli
edown."
Iwal
kedoffandIt
ookmyphoneoutwhenIwas
out
sidewal
kingt
oourf
latandcal
ledmom.
Mom :
"baby"
Icr
ied.
Me:
"theyhi
tmemom.Theyar
eati
tagai
n."
Mom :
"wher
eisNt
ethel
elo?"
Me:
",
het
ookt
hei
rsi
de.Hi
smot
herwasal
lcr
azyon
me"
Mom :
"Iwi
llt
ellyourf
athert
ofet
chyou"
Me:
"ok"
Shehungup.It hi
nkNtethelelo'
smot herhasa
mentalil
lness.Shedoesn'treact.Sheisadef i
nit
ion
ofaperfectwifeorwoman.Har dlyseehermadbut
Ihatehershame.Idon' tli
kehowper fectshe
potr
aysher sel
ftobei
ngt heper f
ectmot herin-
law
aswell.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ihadjustfi
nishedtakingabat handIwasget t
ing
dressedforourlazydaywi thTri
stanandhi s
daughter.Iworeblackleggingswi thalongsleeve
whitet-
shir
tandNt ethel
elo'shoodie.Il
ovehowi t
smellsli
kehim.ItwasaNi kehoodieandt henI
woresocksandmi nibootssinceitwasabi tchil
li
outsi
de.Ibrushedmyhai randmyphoner angandi t
wasmyMbulazi
.Ismi
ledandsatont
hebedand
answer
ed.
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Icoul
dhearhi
m si
gh.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iswearyouar
emycal
m zone."
Me:
"what
'sup?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unat
hiandLi
sagoti
naf
ight"
Me:
"si
ster
sfi
ght"
Ther
ewassi
lenceabi
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yeah,
howar
eyoudoi
ng?
"
Me:
"Iam good,
Iam j
ustgoi
ngt
ohaveal
azyday"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wi
th?"
Me:
"Tr
ist
anandhi
sdaught
er"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Angi
zwangaAwuphi
nde(comeagai
n
)"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ist
hatyourwayt
ogetmej
eal
ous?
"
Me:
"noMnt
ungwai
t'
smet
ell
ingi
tisl
ikei
tis"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
tli
ket
hat"
Me:"i
t'
snotli
keIam goi
ngt
ofal
lheadoverheal
s
f
orhim andmarr
yhim"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"butyoumi
ghtf
uck"
Me:
"Wow"
Iwaspi
ssednow.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaI
..
."
Me:"Justsavei
tNt
ethel
elo,
Icanseewhatyou
t
hinkofme"
Ihungupandhecal l
edagai nbutIreject
edhiscal
l
andouthim onr ejectli
st.Iwasr eal
lyangrysohe
seesmel iket
hat .Li
keIwi llopenmyl egsfor
Trist
an,mightaswel lifhet hi
nksolowofme.Ok
thatangertal
king.It ookmybagandmyphone
ranganditwasTr i
stan.Ianswer ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam out
side"
Me:
"Iam comi
ng"
IhungupandIwal
kedout
.DadandJabul
il
ewent
t
othemal lt
obuygroceri
essoIwasal one.Isenta
messagetohim andgotoutlocki
ngandIwentover
t
othem astheywerestandingbyhiscarwhil
eI
l
ockedthegate.Igott
ot hem andwehugged.
Tr
ist
an:
"youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"
,
Me:
"(
smi
li
ng)Thankyou,
HiAmber"
Shehi
dbehi
ndherf
atherandTr
ist
anpi
ckedherup.
Tr
ist
an:
"babygi
rl
.Thi
sisaunt
yAndi
swa"
Shewavedherlit
tl
ehandwhil
eherheadwason
Tri
stan'
schest
.Itwascut
e.
Me:
"shei
sshy"
Tr
ist
an:
"shei
sjustl
ikehermot
her
.Shal
lwe?"
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeandIgotinandthanked
hi
m.HeputAmberatthebackandhewenttohis
si
deandgoti
nanddroveof
f.
Tr
ist
an:
"thi
sweekyouhaveBeensi
ck"
,
Me:
"yeahst
omachbug"
Tr
ist
an:
"Isee"
Wetal
kedandlaughedandhewasbei ngsi
ll
y
mostl
yti
llwegott
ohisplaceandIgotoutandhe
t
ookAmberandwewentupt hest
air
s.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ihopeyouar
enotal
ler
gict
oanyt
hing"
Me:
"Not
hingsof
ar"
Tr
ist
an:
"Goodt
hen"
Wegotinandhisplacewasni
ce, r
easonabl
eneat
andnotneatf
reakt
ypelikeNt
ethel
elo.Heput
Amberdownwhor anoff.
Me:
"sowhatar
ewel
azi
ngar
oundon?"
Helookedatmeandhisgreeneyessparkl
edal
ong
wi
thhissmileashechuckl
edandlookeddown.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
17] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t20

*
NTETHELELO*

Ihavebeent r
yingt ocallAndiswabuti tj
ustsent
mest raighttovoicemai landt henitdi
dn'
tgo
thr
ough.Imessedup, I
t'
shar datt i
mestohandle
twowomen.Unat hionthesi deisbeingdramatic
andgoi ngallcrazyandAndi swai smadatmef or
somet hingIsaid.WhydoIhavet omessupand
compl i
catemyl i
fe.Yeahi t
'slove,that
'swhy.There
i
saknockont hedoorandIshoutscomei nand
Khanyisilepeaksherheadi n.Wear e11mont hs
apart.Shei soldert hanmet hough, shemakesher
wayi nclosingthedoorandshesi tsnextt
ome.
Khanyi
sil
e:"
Ihear
dther
ewasashowwi
thoutme"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"youknowUnat
hi"
Khanyi
sil
e:"Yes.Howi
sshe?"
Me:
"ok,
pregnant,
psycho"
Khanyi
sil
e:"ohwowcongr
atsbr
uh,
that
'samazi
ng"
Isi
gh.Shel
aysnextt
omel
ooki
ngupl
ikeIam .
Khanyi
sil
e:"t
hatsi
ghcomeswi
thal
ot"
Me:
"Il
ovesomeoneel
seaswel
l"
Shei
ssi
lent
.Gi
vingmeapl
atf
ormt
otal
k.
Me:"Ir
eall
ydi
dn'
tint
endonf
all
ingf
oranot
her
woman.",
Khanyi
sil
e:"doesSheknowyouar
emar
ri
ed?"
Ikeepquietandshesit
supandsqueezesmyar
m
andIscream inagony
Me:
",Khanyi!
!Thef
uck"
Khanyisi
le:
",
whyl
iet
oherwhenyoul
oveher?Why
l
ietothebothoft
hem ?Doyoul
ovet
hem ?"
Me:
"of
causeIdo"
Khanyisi
le:
"thencomecleanyouaregonnashat
ter
her.Womenar eweakandloveeasi
lyandget
shatt
eredaswell"
Me:
"mendon'
tloveeasi
lyshoul
dntt
hatcountf
or
somet
hing"
Khanyi
sil
e:",
Iwi
llgoal
lUnat
hionyou"
Me:
",,
yeahr
ight"
,
Shei
scal
mli
kemom.
Khanyi
sil
e:"ThinkaboutwhatIhavesai
d.Lether
deci
deforherselfi
fshewantstostay"
Shewalkedoutcl
osi
ngthedoorandIl
aidback
downgroani
ng.Shej
ustdoesn'
tunder
standmy
posi
ti
on.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wehavejustf
ini
shedwat chi
ngf r
ozenandNever
waslayi
ngonherfather
'schest.Shewasasl
eepi
ng
andIthi
nkshehadlongwentt osleep.
Tr
ist
an:
",,
l
etmeputheront
hebed"
Me:
"sur
e"
Hestoodupandwal kedtothebedr oomsandItook
myphoneandmessage1034f rom Ntet
helel
oon
whatsapp.Iopenedt
hem andt heyarewr i
tt
enIam
sor
ryandhowmuchhi sapologisi
ng.Hewasst il
l
onl
ineandhesentanotherone.
NTHETHELO*
**pl
easef
orgi
veMnt
ungwa*
***
Il
ookedati
tandIst
art
edt
ypi
ng.
ME*
***
Youi
nsul
tedme*
***
NTHETHELO*
**Idi
dn'
tmeant
oo*
***
Hesenti
nanot
herone.
NTHETHELO*
**Il
oveyou*
**
ME**
*Il
oveyout
oobutIam notf
orgi
vingyouyet
**
*
Iexi
tedandcl
osedmydat
aandTr
ist
ancameback.
Tr
ist
an:"enoughcar
toonsr
ightnow,
whatdoyou
wannawatch?"
Me:
"anyt
hingr
eal
ly"
Tr
ist
an:
"howaboutt
rut
hordar
e?"
Hesai
dwi
thasmi
rk.
Me:
"isi
tani
cemovi
e?"
Tr
ist
an:
"iti
s"
Het ookt heremot eandoutafleeceonmeandI
thankedhi m whileIateonthesnacksandt henhe
putther emot edownandt hemovi estarted.He
chuckl edandIIl ookedathi
m weir dandwe
l
aughedbef orewat chi
ngthemovi e.Ihavet osayI
didn'tenjoyit,i
twasscaryformeandIkepton
j
umpi ngandhi dingwhil
eTrist
anwasl aughing.
Me:
"ayi
ngekeIcan'
tdot
hisanymor
e"
Helaughedandtooktheremotewhi
leIgotupwi
th
theemptybowelful
lofsnacksandwenttohi
s
kit
chen
Tr
ist
an:
",i
t'
snott
hatbad"
,
Me:
",,
notbad?Thatwashel
l"
Hechuckl
edandcamet
otheki
tchenwi
thgl
asses."
Tr
ist
an:
",sowear
enotwat
chi
ngamovi
eanymor
e?
"
Me:
"nope.Ineedt
orecoverf
rom t
hat"
Hechuckl
edandwashedt
hegl
assesandt
urnedt
o
me.
Tr
ist
an:
"ok,
sot
ellmeaboutyour
sel
fthen"
Me:",,
wel
lthereinot
hingmuch,
typi
calgi
rlf
rom t
he
Kasiandal
l.You?"
Tri
stan:
"justacol
our
edguywhogr
ewupi
nar
ich
famil
y"
Me:
"mmh,
areyout
heonl
ychi
ld?"
Tr
ist
an:
"no,
Ihaveasi
steryou?"
MeIwi
shedIhadasi
bli
ng.
Isai
dsi ghi
ngandcl
osingmyeyesandIopened
them andhewasclosetomelooki
ngatme.
Me:
"uhm maybeweshoul
dcheckonAmber"
Hehel
dwai
stwhenIwasaboutt
oleave."
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"huh?"
Hepl
acedhi
shandonmycheekandheki
ssedme
withhispinkli
psandnai vemer espondedtoit
.His
l
ipswe'recoldandsof tandhishandwr apped
aroundmywai stwhilemi newenttohisneck.Heis
agoodki sserandIwasi nitbutnotmorethan
Ntethel
elo.Hef lashedinmymi ndandpulledout
.
Me:
",Tr
ist
ant
hisi
swr
ong"
,
Il
ookedupt
ohi
m ashewast
all
ert
hanme.
Me:",
Ihaveaboyf
ri
endIam sor
ry,
Ican'
tdohi
m
l
iket
hat."
Tri
stan:
"Iwon'
tli
e.Ili
keyouandi
thur
tsyouhave
someonebutIwil
lrespectt
hat
"
Inodded.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ij
usthopeonedayyouwi
llendupwi
th
me"
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt
osayt
othat
.Hehel
dmychi n
andki
ssedmeagai
nandone,
twoandIpul
ledout
.
Me:
"Tr
ist
an"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iknow"
Hesmi
led.Di
dwhatNt
ethel
elosayaboutmet
rue?.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Whenshesai dshehasaboyf r
iendIwaski ndahur t
.
Ili
keAndi swasi nceIsawherwal kinthegar age
andassumedshewasacust omer .Shehasan
amazingper sonalit
yandt hatshel oveski dsmade
mel i
kehermor e.Ireall
ymenti tt
hatIwi shshewi l
l
endupwi t
hmeoneday.Ir eall
ydohope.Wear e
j
ustwat chingwomenr eali
tyshowsandsheseems
tobeenj oyi
ngit.Shewant edtor estsoIt oldherto
restherheadonmychest .Shewasr eluctantbutI
tol
dheri t'
safriendlygesture.Iwasl ookingather
thi
swhol etime.Shewoul dmakeaper fectmom f or
AmberImi ghtevenmar ryheri fshegavemea
chance.
Andi
swa:",
(si
tt
ingup)Shi
t!Ihavet
ogot
oapar
ty
t
omorrowIfor
got"
Me:
"Par
ty?"
Andi
swa:
"yeahmycousinist
urni
ng18andIdon'
t
wantt
ogoalonecauset
heywil
lat
tackme."
Nowi
syourchance.
Me:"
,Icangowi
thyoui
fyouwant
.Asaf
ri
end
of
cause"
t
hatt
ast
edbi
tt
eri
nmymout
h.
Andi
swa:
"youwoul
ddot
hat?"
Me:
"sur
e"
Sheper
kedmyl
ipsandhel
dhermout
handIsmi
led.
Andi
swa:"ei
shsor
rybutyourl
ipsl
ooksmal
land
cut
eallpi
nk"
Ichuckl
edandshel
aughed.
Me:
"it
'sok"
Andi
swa:
"Canwehaveonel
astki
ssnj
eone?
"
Ipul
ledhertomeandIki
ssedher."Il
oveyou
Andi
swa"t hat
swhatmyheartwassayingasI
ki
ssedher.Shemoanedandwebrokeitaft
ersome
ti
me.
Andi
swa:
"Okt
hankyou.Socut
e"
Ichuckl
edwhi
lel
icki
ngmyl
ipsasshesmi
led,
wil
l
sheeverbemi
ne?
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
18] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t21

Afterspendingthedaywi thTristan,Amberwokeup
andIdecidedt hatIshouldleavesi nceitwas
getti
nglate.Wecol l
ectedeverythingandwashed
thedishesbef or
ewewentout .Hebuckl edAmber
upandIgoti nsi
dethecaraswel landhedr oveof
f.
Wewer ehavingsmal l
talkhereandt her
eand
l
isteni
ngt omusi c.Wer eachedmyhomeandhe
parkedinfrontofthegate.Hegotoutandopened
thedoorformeandIt hankedhi m andAmberwas
st
andi
ngbehi
ndhi
m whi
lewewer
ebyhi
scar
.She
i
ssocute.
Me:
"Thanksf
ort
oday.Ihadagr
eatt
ime"
Tr
ist
an:
"measwel
l.Weshoul
ddoi
tagai
n"
Me:
"Yeahmaybe"
Il
ookedatAmber
.
Me:
"byeAmber"
ShewavedandIgi ggl
ed.Shecameandhel dmy
l
egsandIjustmelted,mywholeinsi
desjustmel
ted
ther
eandthere.Icrouchedi
nfr
ontofherandI
huggedherandshehuggedmeback.
Me:
"ncooh"
Tr
ist
an:
"notsoshyanymor
e"
Webr okei
tandshesmil
ed.Ist
oodupandwe
huggedwithTr
ist
anandbrokei
t.
Tr
ist
an:
"seeyout
omor
row"
Me:
"Sur
e.Bye"
Heputhi
shandsi
nhi
spocket
s.
Tr
ist
an:
"bye"
IwalkedtothegateandIopeneditandgotinsi
de
andcloseditbef
orewalkingtot
heinsideofthe
house.Ifounddadwat chingTV,
RGBandhewas
sofocusedandIgi ggl
edandhel ookedatme.
Me:
"Hel
lodaddy"
Isatnextt
ohi
m andhewr
appedhi
sar
msar
ound
me.
Dad:
"Youdon'
tspendt
imewi
thmeanymor
eangel
"
If
eltbadhonest
ly.
Me:
"Iam sor
rydaddy.Iwi
llmakei
tupt
oyou"
Jabul
il
e:"hei
sgui
ltt
ri
ppi
ngyouNana"
Shesai
dwalki
ngi
nwi
thapl
atef
ulloff
oodand
gavei
ttodad.
Me:
"west
il
lhaveourmovi
eni
ght
s"
Dad:
"Unt
il
..
.?"
Jabul
il
e:"l
eavet
hechi
ldal
one.Ar
eyouhungr
y?"
Me:
"yes.Iwoul
dli
kesomeofyourf
oodpl
ease"
Ismi
ledandl
aughed.
Jabul
il
e:"ok.Gobat
hfi
rst"
Dad:"yes,
mybabygi
rlsmel
lsl
ikeamant
hese
days.
Igaspedandt
heyl
aughed.
Me:
"notcool
."
Igotupf r
om t
hecouchandwentt otheki tchenand
Iboil
edthewaterandIunbl ockedNt et helelo.After
thewaterwashotIt ookthebasi nandwentt omy
room andpouredt hewaterandIwentbackt othe
kit
chentopouri nwateri
nt heket t
leandt henItook
ajugofcoldwat erandIwentt omyr oom and
pourediti
nthehotwat erandt henIst rippedand
tookabath.AfteroneIwasdoneandIgotdr essed
i
npyj amasandagownandt ookt hebasi nand
walkedouttodiscardthewat er.Igotbacki nsi
de
andmyphoner ang.ItwasNt ethel
elo.Iwentt omy
room andIsatont hebedandanswer ed.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Ntet
helel
o:"don'
teverbl
ockmeagai
nAndi
swa
,si
yezwana?(Doyouhearme?) "
Me:
"yes.Sor
ry"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sst
artagai
nthegr
eet
ings.
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Mbul
azi"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unj
anist
handwaSam ?(Howar
eyou
mylove?)"
Me:
"I'
m good,
you?"
Ntet
helel
o:"Iam goodnowthatIam t
alki
ngtoyou
,Iam sor
ryaboutwhatIsai
d.Ishoul
dn'thavesai
d
t
hat."
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Ihavesomet
hingt
otel
lyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatdi
dyoudo?"
Me:
"I.
..
.I.
."
Hewassi
lentgi
vingmeapl
atf
ormt
otal
k.
Me:
"Tr
ist
anandIki
ssed."
Hewassi
lent
.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo,
Iam sor
ry"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wewi
llt
alkwhenIcomeback"
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Ngi
yakut
handaMbul
azi(Il
oveyouMbul
azi)
"
Hebr
eat
hedout
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyoumor
e.
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sokhul
umamangi
buya(wewi
llt
alk
whenIcomeback) "
Me:
"Ok"
HehungupandIl ookedatmyphonesi ghing.I
knowt hiski
sswouldhavecaughtupwi thmei nthe
futureandIdon'
twantthat.SoIwouldrathercome
clean.Ishoul
dn'
tli
etoNtethel
elo,
Ijustfeelbad
thatIdidhimli
kethat.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Afterthephonecal l wit
hAndi swaIthrewthephone
onmypi l
lowandIsi ghedandsatdown.If elt
pissedandangr ybutIneedt obecalm whenwe
talkaboutt hi
s.Whydi dshet ellme?Shewoul d
havehi dei tl
ikeanyoneel se.Thisi
sAndiswawe
aretalkingaboutshei sn'tanyoneelse.Handling
twowomeni shardIevenf eelaheadachecomi ng
onatt hemoment.Ther ewasaknockont hedoor
andAyandacamei ntheroom.
Ayanda:
"Youhavebeenof
f."
Me:
"Todayi
sjustadr
aini
ngday"
Idof
eeldr
ained.
Ayanda:
"wi
tht
wowomenyouboundt
ofeell
ike
t
hat"
Ichuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Your
eal
lywantt
otakeasecondwi
fe?
"
Me:
"Iam j
ustl
ayi
ngi
tear
lyi
fitget
stot
hatpoi
nt"
Ayanda:
"Ineedtoseeournewsist
eri
nlawear
ly
bef
oreshegetst
oyourthr
eesist
er'
shands"
Wel
augh
Me:
"Li
saandUnamiar
etoomuch"
Ayanda:"theyar
epr
otect
ingusasbr
other
s.I
t'
s
partofsi
bli
nghood"
Ishookmyheadchuckl
ing.
Ayanda:
"comeyourwif
eisref
usi
ngtowear
i
sphandl
a"(abracel
etmadeoutofgoatski
n.)
Me:
"Unat
hi"
Hechuckl edandwewal kedoutandwenttothe
rondavalwheretheincensewasburnedearl
ieron
andunat hii
scausingascene.
Unat
hi:"Nt
ethel
elot
hissmel
l
sbadbabyIcan'
t
weari
t."
Me:
"youneedt
oweari
t"
Igaveheradeat
hst
areandshesul
kedandcr
ied
whil
eZamaniwasputt
ingi
tonherwri
st.
Unat
hi:
"Iam wear
ingr
oadki
llohmyGod!
"
Unami:
"shutupBar
biedol
l"
Me:
"Unami"
Sheroll
edhereyesandthenZamaniwrappeda
cl
othontopofisphandl
aandthenUnamipull
ed
Unathiupandwentoutwithher.
Mbongeni:"ni
yashadaNt et
hel
elo.Umf
aziwami
akayenzil
enonsense(youcanmar r
yNtet
hel
elo,
my
wifedoesn'
tdothisnonsense"
Wechuckl
ed.
Me:
"Ut
hando(i
t'
slove)
"
TheylaughedandZamaniputi
sphandl
aonmeand
thenwewenttowashourhandsandgoeatsome
meat.
.
.
.
*UNATHI*

Ihatethesmellofthisthingonmywr i
st.Nowhow
am Igonnawearmyr osegoldGuesswat ch.Argh, I
wanttoleaveassoonaspossi ble.Theotherwi ves
werehereandt hesister.Theothermentalcasej ust
l
ikehermot herishere.
Khanyi
sil
e:"hisi
slongt
ime"
Shehuggedme.
Me:
"yourt
hingsmel
ls"
Khanyi
sil
e:"af
tersomet
imei
twi
llbebet
ter
."
Ihel
dmymout
hasIwant
edt
ovomi
tbutnot
hing
cameout
.
Li
sa:
"Makotiwodumo.Gowasht
heGoat
sinsi
des
sowecancookthem "
Me:
"me?"
Li
sa:
"whoel
se?Thewal
l?"
Icli
ckedmytongueandwenttothebasi
nthathad
thegoatsi
nsi
desandIcanseethepoop.Icl
osed
mynoseandst
eppedback.
Me:"iam notdoi
ngt
hat
.Doyouknowhowmuch
t
hesenail
scost?"
Hlubi:
"yetwehavet
hem andar
edoi
ngourwi
fel
y
duti
es"
Me:
"di
dIt
alkt
oyou?
"
Unami:
"onedayyouwi
llendupi
nICUbecauseof
me"
Me:
"Iam pr
egnantIcan'
tdoanywor
k"
Khanyi
sil
e:"youar
enotpar
alyzedsi
ssoIdon'
tsee
aprobl
em "
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elowoul
d..
..
"
Lisa:
"youmar
riedi
ntot
heKhumalofami
lywhen
youmarri
edhi
m soshutupbef
oreIsl
apyouagai
n"
Icl
ickedmyt
ongueandIt
ouchedonei
nsi
deandI
scr
eamed.
Me:
"Ican'
t."
Ever
yoner
oll
edt
hei
reyes.Ismel
ledmynai
l.
Me:
"ar
ghnowt
heysmel
ll
ikepoop"
Unami:
"hambolal
angobaususangene(goand
sl
eepbecauseyouhavel
osti
t)"
Igaveherast
are.
Yoli
swa:"udakweumbusoumoshekil
e(shei
s
drunkf
rom beingspoi
lt,
shei
srui
ned)"
Theyl
aughed.
Me: "othingihambengingazengisangane
ngempel a(letmeleavebeforeIbecomecr azyf
or
real)"
Li
sa:
"li
keyouhaveneverst
art
ed"
TheylaughedandIwalkedoutcl
icki
ngmytongue.I
can'
tstandstayi
ngher
eanymor e.Iwil
lki
ll
Ntet
helel
oforbri
ngi
ngmeher e.MyGuccisli
des
arer
uinedwithdust
.
Me:
"fuck!"
Iwal
ktoourf
latandIgoandbat
h.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Idon'
tli
kehowourconver
sati
onendedwit
h
Ntet
helel
obuthesai
dwewi l
lspeakwhenhecomes
back.Igotof
ffr
om mybedandIwentt ot
he
l
oungeandauntyJabul
il
elookedatme.
Jabul
il
e:"yourf
oodi
sint
heki
tchen"
Me:
",
Iwi
lleatl
ater
.Whatar
ewewat
chi
ngnow?"
Dad:
"Li
tt
leman.Ar
eyouok?"
Me:",
dadIdi
dsomet
hingandIt
hinkNt
ethel
eloi
s
madatme"
Dad:
"comesi
tnextt
odaddy"
Isatnextt
ohi
m andpl
acedmyheadonhi
schest
.
Dad:
"whathappened,
whatdi
dyoudo?"
Me:"Iki
ssedmyot
herbosst
oday,
theoneIwas
outwi
th"
Jabul
il
e:"hayiMntakaBhut
iwafebamanjeuf
ebel
a
umfanaomuhl ekanj
e(noAndiswa!Youare
whori
ngnow, whyareyoucheati
ngonthat
handsomeboy)
"
Me:
"Isai
dIam sor
ry"
Dad:
"yout
oldhi
m ?"
Me:
"yes"
Jabul
il
e:"whydi
dyouki
ssanot
herman?"
Me:"itwasami stake,ukut
hiunoml
omoomncane
opi
nkmanj ebekucuteyabona(hehassmal
lpi
nk
l
ipsandtheywer ecuteyousee)"
dadl
aughed.
Jabul
il
e:"soi
fanot
hermanhascut
eli
psyouwi
l
l
ki
ssthem ?"
Me:
"notagai
n"
Jabul
il
e:"i
tseemsl
iket
hat"
Dad:"thef
actthatyousawyourwr ongand
admit
tedandapologizedi
t'
sbig.Youdidn'thi
deit
andIam proudofthatbutdon'
teverdothatagai
n
ok?"
Me:
"ok"
Jabul
il
e:"cut
eandSmal
l?Whati
swi
tht
heseki
ds
j
usti
fyi
ngcheati
ng?"
Dad:
"(l
aughi
ng)cal
m downJabul
il
e"
Shecl appedherhandsandlookedatthetvandI
giggledandhuggedmydadandheki ssedmy
foreheadaswewat chedthemovie.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
18] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t22

Il
ookatmyselfthrought hemi rr
orandIdon'tknow
whyIoutaneffortintothisoutfi
t,Maybeit'
sme
wanti
ngtoshowt heLut huli'
sthatwearesur vi
ving
anddoingbet
terwit houtthem inourl
ives.Ij
ust
missmom though, Ireal
lymi ssher.Iwaswear i
ng
anor angeoffshouldersummerdr esswi t
hsandal s
andaunt yJabuli
lestyledmyhai rnicely.Itopped
offwithVaseli
neandspr ayedexclamat i
onper f
ume.
IsmiledandIwi shedIhaddi mples.Nodimpl es
meltmel ikeNtethel
elo's.Theyarejusttoosexyf or
hisface.Notcute,sexy.Myphoner ingsandit'
s
Tri
stan.Anotheronewhoi scomplicati
ngmyl if
e
withhiscuteness.Ianswer ed.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Tr
ist
an:
"ar
eyour
eady?"
Me:
"yesIam "
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam out
side"
Me:
"okIam comi
ng."
IhungupandIbr eathedinandoutandt ooktwo
self
iesandIsentt hem toNtethelelo.Hemaybe
madatmebutheshoul dseehowhi swomani s
fl
amest oday.Igi ggledatthatthoughtandI
walkedout.Ther adiowasonbl astwithSfiso
NcwaneKul ungil
ebabaandever yoneknowsAunt y
Jabulil
eisi
nMamel odibecauseshepl ayshim al
l
thetimewheni t
'saSunday( mayhi ssoulrestin
peace)
.Hervoi
cei
sterr
ibl
ebutyoucan'
tstopher
.
Sheismoppi
ngandIjumpoverthewetpl
aces.
Jabul
il
e:"(si
ngi
ng)Kul
ungi
le,
baba"
Iki
sshercheek.
Me:
"byeaunt
yJabs."
ShewavedandIlaughandIwalkoutanddadi s
si
tt
ingonthebenchoutsi
de.Iki
sshischeekandhe
l
ooksatmet henTr
ist
anwhoi sstandi
ngoutsi
de
hi
scar.
Me:
"byedad"
Dad:
"don'
tki
sshi
scut
e,smal
l,
pinkl
ipsagai
n"
Me:
"dad!
"
Dad:
"Justsayi
ng"
Me:
"byebyeYho"
Ir
ushedof
fandopenedt
hegat
eandwehugged.
Tr
ist
an:
"Youl
ookl
ovel
y"
Me:
"Thankyou"
Tr
ist
an:
"shal
lwe?"
Inoddedandheopenedt hedoorf
ormeandI
thankedhi
m.Iwasaboutt oaskaboutAmberthenI
remembershemi ghtbewit
hhergrandmother
.He
gotinandlookedatmeandIlookedawayfrom hi
s
greeneyesandhestart
edthecaranddroveoff
.
.
.
*
MERCY*
.
.
Hewasi nhissleep.Hedidn'
tleavetoni
ghtbuthe
washer einbedandIwashappyt oseehim nextto
me.Iki ssedhislipsandthenwenttohi schestand
tohistorsoandgotundert hecoverandIpul l
edhis
boxerdownandt ookhisdickintomyhandsandI
didhim ahandj ob.Icouldhearhiml i
ghtl
ygroan.
Probablythinki
ngi t
'sawetdream.IstopandI
removet heweavef rom myfaceandIgodownon
him.Li ckingandsucking.
Sandi
le:
"Mmmh"
Hegr oaned.Ir
emovedthecoversandpull
edhis
pantsdownandIgotonhim andgavehi m ahand
j
obandhewasget t
ingabi
tsti
ff
erandharderandI
sl
iditinmyhoneyjarwheni
twasenoughf orme.I
star
tedgoingupanddownonhi m andIki
ssedhis
l
ips.
Me:
"wakeupbaby"
Ii
ncreasedmypacewhil
eheheldmywaistashe
tr
iedtoopenhi
seyesandadj
usttot
hesunli
ght
.
Sandi
le:
"fuckPear
l"
Iam sor
ryexcuseme.IstoppedandIsl
appedhi
m
andhesatupquickl
yandIgotoffhi
m.
Sandi
le:
"whatwast
hatf
orMer
cy!
?"
Me:"(cr
ying)Phumakwam sandi
le!(Getoutofmy
houseSandil
e!)"
Sandi
le:
"Babywhatdi
dIdo?"
Me:"If
uckyouandyoumoanyourbi
tche'
sname
?!
"
It
hrewpi
ll
owathi
m.
Sandi
le:
"babyi
twasami
stakeIwasn'
tthi
nki
ng"
Me:"whenIcomebackf r
om thebat
hroom.Iwant
youout
.Gotopear
lyaziniIwantadi
vorce(
you
knowwhat?Iwantadivorce)"
Sandi
le:
"Youar
eloosi
ngi
tnow.Ti
lldeat
hdous
apar
t"
Hegotoffthebed.Icli
ckedmyt
ongueandwentt
o
t
hebathroom andIsli
ddownandIcri
ed.Ther
ewas
aknockont hedoor.
Sandi
le:
"Babypl
easeopenandl
et'
stal
kabouti
t."
Ii
gnoredhi
m andcri
edwhilehewasbangi
ngt
he
door
.Doeshisexhavetheupperhandi
nhi
sli
fe?
Morethanmehiswife?
.
.
*
UNATHI*
.
.
Sot
heaunt
ieshavear
ri
vedandt
heywokemeupat
7am .Canyoubel i
evet hat?Idi dn'
ttal
kto
Ntethel
elosinceyesterday.Her eall
ypissedmeof f
bynotdef endingmer eall
y.Iwasi nthekit
chen
withtheseaunt '
sbarkingthatIshoul dchopthis
andchopt hatwasht hisandwasht hat.Hambi sel
a
umyeniwakhoukudl a(gogi veyourhusbandf ood).
Ntethel
elocangethi sownf ood.Hehast wol egs
andhands.Thi sbraceletissmel l
yandIhat eit.I
decidedtoshutmymout htodaybef oreIki
llanyone
withthi
skni f
e.
Aunt1:
"Hayimakot
iuyi
vil
a(youar
elazymy
daught
er)
"
Ir
oll
edmyeyes.
Li
sa:
"wewer
eti
redofyourr
adi
omout
h"
Unami:
"Iagr
ee"
Icl
enchedont
hekni
fe.
Mah:"don'
t.Leaveheral
one.Mnt
anamigoandr
est
.
Youdon'
twantt ost
rai
nthebaby"
That'
sthemostsensi
blet
hingshehaseversaid.I
fakedasmil
eandIwalkedout.Iam notevengoing
tosearchf
orNtethel
elobecauseIhavebeen
standi
ngfor2hoursnowandIam t i
red.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Wewer ebythekraalandIwasdr
inkingtheZulu
beershar
ingitwi
thothermenher
ei nthekraal
.
Ayanda:
"AhhNdodaemadodeni(manamoungst
men)"
Ishookmyheadchuckl ing.Myphonevi br
atedand
Itookitoutfrom mypocketanditwastwo
messagesf rom Andi
swa.Iopeneditanditwas
twopicturesofher.Shelookssobeaut
iful
.Likean
angel.Ismiledtomysel
f.
Mbongeni:
"Wamamt
hekai
ndaba?
(Whyar
eyou
bl
ushi
ng?)"
Babncane:
"uqomi
le(hei
sinl
ove)
"
Wel
aughed.
Ayanda:
"canIsee?"
Me:
"youar
efor
war
d.Youl
ovenews"
Ayanda:
"iam news.So.
Ishowedhi
mthepi
ctur
es.
Ayanda:
"Damn.That
'st
hesi
ster?"
Me:
"yes"
Zamani:
"awut
hisi
bone(l
etussee)
"
Me:
"no"
Mbongenisnat
chedmyphoneandl
ookedati
t
whi
stl
ing.
Mbongeni:
"hayimuhl
e.Namiangi
kusol
i(shei
s
beaut
if
ul,
Idon'
tblameyou)
"
Myphonewaspassedar
ound.
baboMdala:
"Akaf
aninjenalent
oyakhoyal
ah?
(Sheisnott
hesameliketheoneyouhaveher
e?)
"
Me:
"No"
Dad:
"ifsher
espect
smywi
fet
henIappr
ove"
Guys'
"ust
oo"
Babomncane:"awuhambeuyot
hengai
Nipphel
a
ngi
ncomil
e(goandbuysomeVodka, I
compli
mented)"
Wel
aughed.
Zamani:
"let
'sgo"
Mbongenit
ookasipfr
om theZulubeerbef
orewe
madeourwaytothecars.Isentamessagetoher
.
Me*
**youl
ookamazi
ngst
handwaSam *
***
Il
oggedoutandoutmyphoneaway.Damnt
heboy
i
slucky.
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Ntethel
elo*
***youl
ookbeaut
if
ulst
handwaSam
**
* *
From seei
ngthatmessageIwassmili
ngfr
om eart
o
ear.Tri
stanst
olegl
ancesfrom mebutIi
gnor
edit.
Tr
ist
an:
"it
'sher
e?"
Me:
"yes"
WewereinMidrandJohannesbur
g.Sot
heydeci
ded
todoi
tatthegr
andparent
s.Wegotoutandhe
cametomyside.
Tr
ist
an:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yeah.Let
'sgo"
Ievenhadal i
tt
lepresentforher.Ahandbagt hat
costedmeal egItellyoubutsinceNtethel
elo
tr
ippledmysalaryinonedayi tdidn'
thurtmethat
muchbutIwasbr ui
sed.Wer angthedoorbelland
mamkhul uKholekaopenedt hedoorandsneer ed
whilelooki
ngatmeupanddown.
Khol
eka:
"Ndal
o"
Me:
"Mamkhul
uhi"
Shemadewayandwegoti nandTri
stanfol
lowed.I
di
dn'
tli
ket
hisonebutbutIhavet
osuckitup.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
19] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t23

Iwon'
tli
e.Idon'
tli
ket
hisonebi
tatal
l.
Me:
"Mamkhul
uthisisTr
ist
anmyf
ri
endandt
hisi
s
mymot
her
'sol
dersist
er"
Theyshookhandsbutshehasn'
ttouchedmesi
nce
Icamehere.
Khol
eka:
"ni
cet
omeetyou"
Tr
ist
an:
"sameher
easwel
lmam "
Khol
eka:
"thi
sway"
Wef
oll
owedher
.
Tr
ist
an:
"(whi
sper
ing)whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Me:
"theydon'
tli
keme"
Tr
ist
an:
"shoul
dwego?"
Me:
"Noi
t'
sfi
ne."
Wegotoutsideandmygr andparentswerethereas
wel
l.Iswearit
'sl
ikemygrandmot hersuckedlemon
t
hewayherf acewassourwhenshel ookedatme.
Mkhukuisabitbetterf
rom ever
yone.
Mkhuku:"Andi
swaMychi
ld.Idon'
tknowyou
anymor
eyouhavegrown"
Ismi
ledandhepul
l
edmycheeksandhuggedme.
Mkhuku:
"suchchubbycheeks"
Ir
ubbedmycheekscausehehasast
ronggr
ipeven
i
nhisol
dage.
Me:
"HiMkhul
u,Gogo,
bomal
ume(uncl
es)
"
Theyj
ustnodded.
Mkhul
u:"Howi
syourgr
andmot
her?"
Mygr
andmot
hershothi
m ast
are.It
hinkhel
ikes
Khul
uabi
ttoomuchbecauseEveryti
mehesees
mehewil
laskaboutherf
ir
storevenifi
t'
sdad..
Me:
"shei
swel
lthankyou"
Henodded.
Gogo:"present
sthatsi
deandhopetheyar
enot
cheapbecausewedon'tdealwi
tht
hose"
Me:
"wor
rynot"
Ifakedasmileandwalkedoff
.Lordkeepmysani
ty.
Theyseem toli
keTri
stan.Ibr
eat
hedoutbef
oreI
walkedbacktothecr
owd.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Sandi
le:
"Mer
cy"
Hehasbeencal
li
ngmynameoutf
ort
hepasthour
apol
ogi
zing.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry"
Isni
ffwhil
elookingatmyselfinthemirror.Whatdo
Il
ack?I si
tbecauseIam sl i
m andnotthicklike
PearlandAndiswa?I sthati
t? Iwipedmyt ears
andIputmyt oothbrushdownandIwentt othe
doorandIopenedi tandheat t
ackedmewi t
hahug
andIpushedhi m butitwashard.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Me:
"youl
oveher?"
Sandi
le:
"noIl
oveyou"
Me:
"thenwhatdoyoucal
lthat?"
Sandi
le:
"af
ool
ishmi
staket
hatcost
edmeal
ot"
Me:
"youri
ght,
i
tcost
edyoual
otandyoul
oosi
ng
mei
nit"
Sandi
le:
"Babydon'
tleaveme.Ipr
omi
seanyt
hing
j
ustdon'
tleaveme"
Hehel
dmywai
standl
aidhi
sfor
eheadonmi
ne.
Sandi
le:"Ican'
tleavewi
thoutyouandYol
anda.You
guysaremyl i
fe"
Iwassi
lent
.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ryMer
cyf
orgi
veme"
Ateardr
oppedonmychestandIlookedathi
m and
wi
pedhistears.Iper
kedhi
sli
ps.Il
ovehi
mt oo
muchtoleavehim
Me:"Sandi
leIwantyout
obehonestwit
hme.
Star
ti
ngwithl
ateni
ghtst
hatyougooutonand
endi
ngwithyouandpear
l"
Sandil
e:"t
her
eisnot
hinggoi
ngonwi
thmeand
Pearl"
Me:
"thencutt
ieswi
thherandImeanwor
kaswel
l
.
"
Sandi
le:
"(si
gh)Am Igonnal
ooseyoui
fIdot
hat?
"
Me:
"no"
Sandi
le:
"ok"
Iper
kedhi
sli
ps.
Me:
"st
artt
alki
ng.
"
Hepul
ledmet
othebedandsatmeonhi
slapand
l
ookedatmeasIwaswai
ti
ng.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Iwasi nourWhat sappgr oupchatast hewi ves.Wel l

theothersDon'tentertainusmuchbutyeswehave
gotawi vesclubandi tconsi stof10ofus.I t
's
call
edtheTr ophywi vessi ncewear etreatedl ike
thatandnoweal ldon'twor kbutt heot hersdohave
degreesandsi debusi nesses.I t'
sMe, Zama, Londie
,Noma, Palesa,Kwazi, Nt ombi, Amanda, Mer cyand
thenLandiswa.Idon' tliket hem real l
ybecauset hey
actli
ketheyar eallgoodandst uff,Ihavebeeni na
fi
ghtwi t
hAmandabef or eandIendedupi na
hospit
albedbecauseIspi ll
edalcoholonher .She
showedmef lamesandneveragai nwi l
lIever
botherher.Shei stheghet t
oonef rom alloft he
wivesandLandi swai st hemostpr aisedwi fe
becauseherhusbandi st hegener al.SeewhyIdon' t
l
ikethem.Nomaownsabout i
queandPal esahas
herownpract
icethatherhusbandboughtforher.
Landi
swahasal i
ttl
eITcompanyaswel l
.Theyall
havesomethi
ngandt heythi
nkt heyar
ebettert
han
us.Mxm.Palesawast heonet ypingi
nthegroup.
Pal
esa:
"Wehavebeeni
nvi
tedt
oat
tendt
heDur
ban
Jul
y"
Me:
"wear
eal
waysi
nvi
tedi
t'
snotsomet
hingnew"
Ir
ollmyeyes.
Amanda:
"It
houghtyouwoul
dshutupt
hisr
ound"
Landi
swa:
"Let
'snotf
ightoverpet
tyst
uff"
Zama:"yesKwandodidt
ellmeaboutthat.They
wil
lbeshowcasi
ngademocarthatwillberel
eased
i
nJulyther
einDurbanwi
thNtet
helel
o"
Mercy:
"Iwil
lbr
ingmyf
ri
endal
ongt
hist
ime.She
al
waysmissesout"
Me:
"whatar
epl
usonesf
or?"
Amanda: "Isweari
fyoudon'
thaveanyt
hing
reasonabl
etosayIwill
..
."
Nt
ombi:
"Amandacal
m down"
Noma:"hubbyi
scal
li
ngmef
ora3r
droundIhave
t
ogoladies"
Landi
swa:
"wadl
aNoma(yougoNoma!
)
Kwazi:
"TMIsomeofusar
evi
rgi
nsi
nthi
smar
ri
age
t
hing"
Theyl
aughed.
Amanda:"Muziwi
llbangyouever
ywher
edar
li
ng
don'
twor
ry"
Landi
swa:
"abosi
xni
nei
nther
est
aur
antbat
hroom
"
Pal
esa:
"ohmyGodLandi
swa"
Mer
cy:
"yesgi
rl"
Landi
swa:
"ifhewant
sit
.Gi
vei
t"
Amanda:
"If
eelpr
oud"
Shesentacr
yingemoj
iandt
heyl
aughed
Iwasi
rr
it
ated
Me:
"wer
en'
twet
alki
ngaboutt
heDur
banJul
yher
e?
"
"
Amandar
emovedyou"
Itsai
dandIgr
oanedandthrewmyphonei
nthebed.
Therewasaknockonthedoorandmot
heri
nlaw
appeared.
Me:
"hel
lo.
"
Mah: "Icametogi
veyouafootmassage.Iknow
howi taf
fect
sthef
eetwhenstandi
ngtoolong
pregnant"
Me:
"yes"
Shewal kedi
nandshekneeledi
nfr
ontofmeand
tookoffmyshoesandsoakedmyf eeti
nwar m
water.Shestart
edrubbi
ngmeandIlaidther
eyeah
thi
sishowt hingsshoul
dbe.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Wedidavideoconfer
encecal
l.Amandaappear
ed
f
ir
stcl
icki
nghertongue.
Zama:
"Amandayouhadt
oremoveher?"
Amanda:
"yourf
ri
endi
sir
ri
tat
ing"
Landi
swa:
"let
'sputherback"
Me:
"canIaddmyf
ri
end?"
Amanda:
"isshei
rr
it
ati
ng?
"
Me:
"noshei
sni
ce"
Londi
ecuther
sel
fout
.
Amanda:
"shewi
llf
oll
owaswel
l"
Wel
aughed.
Landi
swa:
"youcanputheri
n.Igott
ogo
,Zamambowant
satt
enti
on"
Me:
"Iswearyouhaveabusf
ullofki
ds"
Landi
swa:
"heyIam expandi
ngt
hename"
Welaughedandal
lhungup.Theseladi
esar
egood
f
ri
endsshameUnathionther
eal
shasdr amaandI
wonderhowNtet
hel
elohandl
esher..
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
19] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t24

Iwon'tli
e.Eli
hlel
ookedbeautif
ulinherdressand
herpartywasverymuchamazi ng.Ienj
oyedmy
ti
mewi thTrist
anandithelpedthathewasher e.We
deci
dedt oleaveear
lybecauseofmyaunt sand
uncl
esbutMkhul usaidIshouldpasshisgr eet
ings
toKhulu.Wewer enowdr i
vingonourwaybackt o
Mamel odi.
Me:
"Thankyouf
orcomi
ngwi
thme"
Tr
ist
an:
"anyt
ime.That
'swhatf
ri
endsar
efor"
Hest
eal
sagl
anceatmeandIsmi
leathi
m.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam sur
eAmberi
sasl
eep"
Me:
"yep.Iam deadt
ir
ed."
Myphonesuddenlyhadalotofnot
ifi
cati
ons.I
l
ookedatitasitwasvi
brati
ngandalotcamef r
om a
gr
oupIdon'tknowcall
edTrophywives.Iam nota
wif
enjena.Onef r
om MercyandIopenedit.
Mercy:
"Mnt
aseIj
ustaddedyoui
nagr
oupwi
tht
he
wi
ves"
Me:
"Iam notawi
fe"
It
ext
ed.Shewast
ypi
ng.
Mer
cy:"Iknow.Wearepl
aningonwhatt
owear
.We
wer
einvi
tedtotheDur
banJuly"
Me:
"youal
waysi
nvi
tedever
yyearMer
cy"
Mercy:
"andthi
syearwearegoi
ngwi
thyouandwe
ar
enottaki
ngnoforananswer"
Me:
"wewi
llsee."
Mer
cy:
"theyar
eni
ce.Theydon'
tbi
te"
Me:
"Iam notawi
fe"
Shebl
ueti
ckedme.Imutedt
hegr
oupandt
henI
putmyphonei
nmybag.
Tr
ist
an:
"st
ressf
ul?"
Me:
"yeah"
Hesmi
led.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

AfterNt ethelel
o'smothergavemeamassageI
sl
ept .Shedoesgi vegoodfootr
ubsIhavetoadmi
t.
Iwaswokenupbysomeoneshaki ngmeandI
groanedandIopenedmyeyesandi twas
Ntethelelo.Iopenedmyeyesandl ookedathi
s
handsomef ace.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"si
tup"
Iscootedandsatupandhegavemef ood.I
thankedhim andhenoddedwhil
elookingatmeeat
.
Icouldfeelhi
seyesPeir
cethr
oughmeand
searchi
ngmysoul .
Me:
"Iwi
llchoke.St
opl
ooki
ngatme"
Hewassi
lent
.Il
ookedathi
m andcar
ri
edoneat
ing.
Aft
erIwasdonehetooktheplat
eawayandIgotoff
mydressandIworepyjamasandIgotinbedsi
nce
i
t'
s6pm.Hecamebackwhi leIwastypi
ngonmy
phoneandhesatonthebedandlookedatme,he
cl
osedhiseyesandsi
ghedthentookmyhandand
ki
ssedit
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouUnat
hi"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"doyou?"
Whyi
shequest
ioni
ngme?Of
causeIdol
ovehi
m.
Me:
"yesIdo"
Ntet
helel
o:"t
henwhydon'
tyour
espectme.
Respectourf
amil
y"
Me:
"Yourf
ami
lyyoumean"
Ntet
hel
elo:"youaremarri
edher
esoit
'syourf
ami
ly
aswell
.Idon'tknowwhywhenwealwayscome
homeyoucauset roubl
e"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry.
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam get
ti
ngt
ir
edofhear
ingt
hesame
t
hingUnat
hi"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Hesi
ghed.
Ntet
helel
o:"IloveyouUnathi,
youaremywi f
e.Do
youknowhowi tf
eelswhenyougetquest
ionson
yourdeci
sionsmakesyouquest i
onyour
selfaswell
"
Me:
"youar
equest
ioni
ngmar
ryi
ngme?"
Ntet
helelo:
"honest
lyyes.Thi
sweekendwas
somethingel
se."
Isatonhi
slapandhel
dhi
sface.Car
efulnott
ohur
t
him.
Me:"Iam sor
ry.Ipr
omi
setoimpr
ovemybehavi
our
.
Tel
lmewhatyouwantfrom me"
Ntethelel
o:"Respect,
that
'st
het hi
ngIneedfrom
you.Thi sisnotyourhomeUnat hi
.Ifyout
reatyour
mot herthewayyoubehavet henIwon'tar
guewi t
h
thatbutneverwithmymot her."
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Hegotmeof
fhi
m andki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Ntet
hel
elo:"r
emembert
his.Loveisnotenoughat
t
imes.I
trequir
edmor
ethant hat"
Hewalkedoutaftert
hat.Ilookedatt
hedoorwit
h
t
ears.Doesthatmeanhewi lll
eaveme?Ican't
l
oosehim.Ilovehim somuchandIcan' ti
magi
ne
mylif
ewithouthi
m .Irubbedmyst omach.
Me:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Iwi
pedmyt
earsandpul
ledt
hecovert
omysel
fand
Icr
yonmypi
ll
ow.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iwasatt hebackyard.Therewerestil
lpeopl
einthe
yar dforwhatr
easonsIdon'tknowbecauset hi
s
wassupposedt obeal i
tt
lething.Itookmyphone
out .AsmuchasIam angr yatAndiswabutIdo
mi ssher.Sheseemstobel esshecti
cthanUnathi.I
dialedhernumberanditrangt wi
cebeforeshe
answer
ed.
Andi
swa:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Isi
ghed,
Ibi
temybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Andi
swa:
"isever
ythi
ngok?"
Me: "yeah,
akusamelengi
tshel
eumunt uwam
ukuthingi
yamthanda?(Aren'
tIsupposedt
otel
lmy
personthatIl
oveher?)"
Andi
swa:
"NoIdi
dn'
tsayt
hat.
IloveyouMbul
azi"
Ti
ngl
eswentt
hroughmybody.
Andi
swa:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"wewi
llst
il
ltal
kaboutt
hat"
Andi
swa:
"Ok."
Me:
"howwasyourday?"
Andiswa:"I
twasok.Iwentt
o18t
hpar
tyf
ormy
cousin"
Me:
"wasi
tni
ce?"
Andi
swa:
"itwasbutyouknowf
ami
ly."
Me:
"Howi
sfami
ly?
"
Andi
swa:
"st
oryf
oranot
herday.Howwasyour
s?"
Isi
ghed.
Me:"longandtir
ing,dr
amat
icandIwascover
edi
n
goatbloodyest
erday"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Andiswa:"
that
'swhatat
ruemandoes.Br ingsome
formepleasei
fyourmotherwi
llal
low.Ucelekuqal
a
(asfir
st)"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"youamazi
ngyouknow"
Andi
swa:
"tel
lyourmot
herIhaveapr
esentf
orher"
Me:
"whatf
or?"
Andi
swa:
"it
'sbet
weenusgi
rl
s"
Me:
"mxm"
Shegiggl
edandshejustt
ookmeawayfr
om al
lthe
dramathati
shappeni
ngaroundher
e.
Me:
"shehat
essur
pri
ses."
Andi
swa:
"Iwi
llseef
ormysel
f"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Il
oveyour
eal
l
yIdo"
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyout
oo.Ihavet
ogo,
tal
klat
er"
Me:
"sur
e."
Shegiggledbeforehangi
ngupandIlookedatmy
phone.IchangedmyWhat sAppwal
lpaperand
madeitherbef or
eIloggedoutandl
ockedmy
phone.Isighed.Ihaveneverhadmyheartbeatt
his
muchf ortwowomenever .
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Aft
erthephonecal
lwit
hNt et
helel
o,Iwenttoj
oin
dadandauntyJabul
il
eatthelounge.Ihavebat
hed
andIam inmygownandpyj amas.Isitnextt
odad
andrestmyheadonhischest.
Jabul
il
e:"youdi
dn'
tki
sssmal
lpi
nkl
ipst
oday?"
Dadl
aughed.
Dad:
"leavemydaught
er"
Me:
"thankyoudad"
Jabul
il
eshookherhead.
Me:
"soaunt
yJabs"
Jabul
il
e:"whatdoyouwantAndi
swa?"
Me:
"doyouhaveaboyf
ri
end?
"
Shechockedonhert
eaandsheputi
tdown.I
l
aughed.
Jabul
il
e:"Andi
swauyabonaungi
shi
sanet
iye(you
seeyouarebur
ningmewithtea)
"
Me:
"Justaquest
ion"
Dad:
"asi
mpl
eone"
Jabul
il
e:"andyou?Let
'saskyou"
Dad:
"don'
tinvol
vemei
nyourt
roubl
es"
Jabul
il
e:"andyouAndi
swa?Whenar
eyoupoppi
ng
i
t?"
Dad:
"don'
tevengot
her
e"
Me:
"woahguyschi
ll"
Dad:"
yourboyf
ri
endwi
llhavet
opayf
orout
sidemy
kr
aalfund"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iwi
llt
ellNt
ethel
elot
hat"
Dad:
"good"
Jabul
il
e:"(t
aki
ngherteaandsi
ppi
ng)Don'task
meaboutboyfr
iend'
sagai
noryouwil
lfi
ndoutit
'
s
yourboyf
ri
end"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"Goshno"
Dadchuckl
ed.Wewat
chedthemovi
ewhil
e
l
aughi
nghereandt
her
e.Il
ovemyfamil
y.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
20] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t25

Iwasdeadt i
redinthemor ningwhenIwokeup.I
j
ustroll
edoutoft hebedandIt ookmyphoneand
checkedthet i
meandIsawagoodmor ning
messagef rom Ntethelel
oandi tst
atest
hataf t
er
workhewi llf
etchmebuthei snotcomingin.I si
t
asleepoveragai n?Ohr ightthetal
k.Imakemybed
andopent hewi ndowandIgetoutofmyr oom and
goboilwatert obathandIbat h.Aft
er30mi nutesI
wasdone.Iwentt ot hekit
chenandaunt yJabulil
e
wasbackingmyl unch.
Me:
"Youar
esuchasweethear
t"
Jabul
il
e:"Mmm.Don'
tki
ssmyl
ips"
If
rownedandshel
aughed.Isatdownandat
e.
Me:
"Imi
ghtcomehomel
ate"
,
Jabul
il
e:"i
ndodayet
hu?(I
t'
sourman?)
",
Me:
"aski
es?(Sor
ry?)
"
Jabuli
le:"Iaskedi
fit
'sourman.Letmecheckmy
scheduleandseewheni smyturn"
Me:
"hai
boaunt
y"
Shel
aughed
Jabul
il
e:"Li
veal
it
tl
e"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Igotupf
rom myseatandt
ookmyl
unchandI
ki
ssedhercheek.
Me:
"bye."
Jabul
il
e:"bye"
Iwal
kedoutandIwentt
ocat
chat
axit
hatwi
llt
ake
metowork.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Hi
shandswentt
omybackandhewaswashi
ngt
he
soapof fli
kehehadal lthetimeinthewor l
d.He
wouldst opatmywai st.Kissmybackandt akethe
showergelAvonandhewoul dsquir
titi
nhi shands
andappl yitonmybody.Washi ngmybody.We
don'tusethesameshowergel satt
imeswedoas
well
.Hi shandsenci rculatedundermybr east sand
gotomyboobst hatar escreamingtobesqueezed
andhegent lysqueezesmyni ppl
esandki ssesmy
neck.Mybr eathi
nghinchedandIl i
ckmyl ipsand
tast
et hewar m water.
Sandi
le:
"Wear
egonnaf
etchYol
andat
oday?"
Hewhisper
smybyearwhi
leheplayswi
thmy
ni
ppl
esthatar
enowfi
ll
edwit
hthesoap.
Me:
"Yes,
Imi
ssher"
Hegentlyki
ssesmyshouldermakingmyknees
weakerandweakerbutt
heenvironmenti
sgett
ing
warmerandwar mer
.Hiswar m br
eathhi
tsmyneck
andshiver
sgodownmyspi ne.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou.
"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
HekissesmyneckandImakeaccessf
orhi
mto
car
ryon.[Cont
entf
oundint
hegroup]
.
.
.
*UNATHI*

Iwaslooki
ngatthecei
li
ngwhi lebreat
hingheavil
y,I
pul
ledthecovert
ocovermybodyandIt urntohim
andheissmirki
ngwhil
el ooki
ngatme.Ismi l
eand
heremovestheweavefrom myf aceandheper ks
mylips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou.
"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Heholdsmycheekandhekissesmyl i
ps.Il
ove
hi
m andIdon'
twanttol
oosehim becauseofmy
behavi
our
.
Me:
"Iam notgonnal
oosei
sn'
tit?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Nobaby.Youguysar
emyl
if
e."
Hekissedmyst
omachandIgi
ggl
edandhe
chuckl
edwhi
lel
ooki
ngatme.
Me:
"Thatt
ickl
es"
Heki
ssedmyst
omachagai
nandIgi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"st
opi
tNt
ethel
elo"
Heki
ssedi
tonel
astt
imeandspoke.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Heypri
ncess.Justwannal
etyouknow
t
hatdaddyl
ovesyouandmommysover ymuch."
Ismi
ledwhi
ler
unni
ngmyhandst
hroughhi
shai
r.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sgot
akeashower"
Her
emovedt
hecoverandpi
ckedmeup.
Me:"ngi
yakut
handababuKhumal
o(Il
oveyouMr
Khumalo)"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Namingi
yakut
handaMi
ami(Il
oveyou
t
oomywi fe)
"
Wekissedaswegoti nthebathr
oom.Af t
erthe
showerwegotdressedandwewer epr
epari
ngto
l
eave.WhichIwasmor ethanhappytohear
becauseIam t
ir
edofthisplaceshame.Itcandrai
n
aper
son.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

IwashavinglunchwithRefi
lwe.If
eell
ikewe
haven'
tseeneachotherinagesthewayImi ssed
her.Wewer eshari
nglunchaswellwhilewespoke
aboutsmallst
uffhereandther
e.
Me:
"howi
slet
logonol
o?"
Fi
fi
:"Hei
sanaught
ychi
ld."
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"it
'spar
tofbei
ngaki
d"
Fi
fi:"sowenavi
rgi
nMar
y,whatar
eyoudoi
ngf
or
Valenti
ne'
s?"
Me:"dadusual
lybuyschocol
atef
ormeandbr
ings
ar
osesoit'
sthat"
Fi
fi:
"Howsweet
.Iwi
shmyf
atherwashal
fthe
manyourf
atheri
s."
Me:
"Iwi
shmymot
herwasst
il
lal
ive"
Fi
fi:
"aski
es(Iam sor
ry)
"
Me:
"it
'sok.Iam l
ear
ningt
oli
vewi
tht
hepai
n"
Fi
fi:
"Icani
magi
ne"
Me:
"Appl
e?"
Fi
fi:
"youf
eedmet
oomuchAndi
swaIam goi
ngt
o
befat"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"youneedsomemeat"
Shel
aughedaswel
landTr
ist
ancamet
owar
dsus.
Tr
ist
an:
"don'
tst
oppl
ease"
Fi
fi:
"Mrbr
own"
Tr
ist
an:
"yes."
Igr
eet
edhi
mint
hemor
ningsoIdon'
tseeaneed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"yessi
r?"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwoul
dli
ket
oseeyoubef
oreyoul
eave"
Inodded.
Tr
ist
an:
"wel
lenj
oyt
her
estofyourl
unchl
adi
es."
Wenoddedandhewal
kedof
f.
Fifi:
"IfIcoul
dgethim,ooouhchomist
ruukaetsa
masepakani t
i!(Oouuhfr
iendIwoul
ddoshitf
or
real)"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"st
ruuchomi?(Tr
uef
ri
end?)
"
Fi
fi:
"tl
oft
lofever
yday"
Wel aughed.Sheiscrazy,Tri
standoesn'tcome
closetomymanshame.Thoughhehascut eli
psby
Ntethel
elo'
shavethatthi
ng.Hej usthasthatt
hing
thatyoujustdon'
tknowwher eitcomesf rom.We
fi
nishedlunchandwewentbackt owor k.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
20] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t26

Wef inishedhavi
ngl unchandourl unchbreakwas
oversoFi fiandIwentourseper atewayst oour
sections.Iwenttodomyusualcl eaningaroundthe
garageandasIwasget ti
ngdonet hreecarsparked
upfront.Icouldseei tthrought heglassedwal land
Istoodwi thmymopandl ookedatt hem andIhave
neverseent hem before, hecr ouchedi nf
rontofhis
carlookingatsomet hingandt heyseem t ohave
sharedaj okebecauset heyarel aughing.Someone
touchesmyshoul derandsnapsmebackt oreal
it
y.
Tr
ist
an:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yesyouwant
edust
otal
k?"
Tr
ist
an:
"If
orgot"
Inodded.Iwasst
il
lhol
dingt
hemop,
theymade
thei
rwayin.
Tr
ist
an:
"Gooddaysi
r"
Henoddedbutlookedatmeandhim att
hesame
ti
me.Ididn'
tbackdownbecauseweweredoing
nothi
ngwrong.Hechuckled.
Ntet
helel
o:"Iwi
llbei
nmyof
fi
ce,
camet
ogetsome
paperwork"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ver
ywel
lsi
r.Iwi
llbei
nmyof
fi
ce"
Henoddedandl ookedatmeandwi nkedbefore
walki
ngoffwit
ht hesetwomenIdon'tknow.Iwas
sofocusedonthem untilt
heygoti
ntheoffi
ceand
Tri
stanwasnother eanymore.Iwenttoputthe
cl
eaningsuppl
iesawayandwentoutf orfr
eshair.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Wear el
ookingi
ntobeingi
napropertybusinessas
theKhumalobrot
hers.Iam wi
thZamaniand
Ayanda.Ayandaownsacompanyt hatdevelops
soft
waresforAndr
oids.Mostl
yworkswi t
ht he
Healthdepartment.Zamaniisalawyer.Heowns
hisownf ir
m .Ihadt ogetmyimpor t
antdocuments
thatarehereintheoffi
ce.Itdi
dn'tsi
twellwit
hme
howTr ist
anwasl ooki
ngatAndiswa.Whatt urned
meont houghishowshedi dn'
tbackdownf r
om my
stareandlookedatmel iket
hat.
"
Ntet
hel
elo"
Iwasbr
oughtbackt
oreal
it
ybyAyanda.
Ayanda:
"Daydr
eami
ngaboutMakot
i?"
Me:
"Unat
hi?
"
Zamani:
"Ibel
ieveso"
Theyl
aughed.Ij
ustopenedmysaf
e.
Ayanda:
"Muhl
e(shei
sbeaut
if
ul)
"
Me:
"Ubani?
(Who?)
"
Zamani:
"uyi
sli
manamhl
anj
e?(Ar
eyouaf
ool
today?)
"
Me:
"nx"
Theyshookt
hei
rheads.
Ayanda:
"tal
ktous"
Me:"theyki
ssedwi
ththecol
our
eddur
ingt
he
weekendandsheconf
essed"
Zamani:
"Woah."
Me:
"yeah"
Ayanda:
"Don'
tyout
hinki
t'
sfai
rtot
ellher?"
Me:
"NotnowAyanda"
Herai
sedhishandsupandIgotmydocuments.I
t
houghtof
fsomethingandIsentmessaget
o
Andi
swatocomet omyof f
ice.Af
ewsecondsl
ater
t
herewasaknockont hedoor.
Me:
"Comei
n"
Shecamei nslowl
yli
keshewasbei
nghershysel
f
andIchuckled.
Andi
swa:
"YousummonedmeMrK?"
Ayanda:
"ooouht
hrowi
naMbul
azii
nther
esi
si"
Zamanil
aughedandshewasr
ed.
Me:
"Ayandapl
easeshutup"
Her
aisedhi
shandsupi
nsur
render
.
Me:"Andi
swathesear
emyol
derbr
other
s.Ayanda
andZamaniKhumalo.
Shewavedal
lshy.Theyl
aughed
Zamani:
"Ungasabisi
si(don'
tbescar
ed)wedon'
t
bi
te"
Andi
swa:
"Not
ed."
Me:
"pl
easesi
tdownSugarpl
um "
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Theyl
aughedasshebl
ushedandsatdown.
Andi
swa:
"Ok"
Me:
"It
hinkyoushoul
dqui
t"
Herf
acet
urnedsourt
hesamet
ime.
Andi
swa:
"Angi
zwanga?
(Excuseme?)
"
Me:
"babyIt
hinkyoushoul
dqui
twor
kingher
e"
Andi
swa:
"atwhatgr
oundsMrKhumal
o"
Shewasf
rowni
ng.
Me:"idon'
tfeelcomf
ort
abl
ewi
thyouwor
kingwi
th
Tr
ist
an"
Andi
swa:
"Pl
easecl
ear
if
ymor
e"
Shenowhasacal
mlook.
Me:
"Ij
ustdon'
ttr
usthi
m ar
oundyou"
Andi
swa:
"Canwet
alkpr
ivat
ely?"
Il
ookedatmybr
other
's.
Zamani:
"Youwi
llf
indusi
nthecar
.Ni
cemeet
ing
youAndi
swa"
Andi
swa:
"Ni
cemeet
ingyouaswel
l"
Shesmi
ledandtheywal
kedoutcl
osi
ngt
hedoor
andi
tdi
sappear
ed.
Andiswa:
"Let
'st
alkabouthowyouf
eelcausei
t
seemsyouhavealotofsayi
nthi
s"
Shewasn'tl
ikeUnat
hi.Iexpect
edaglassthr
ownat
meorscreamsbutshewascal m asever.
Me:
"Iwon'
tli
e.Idon'
tli
ket
hatyouguyski
ssed"
Andi
swa:
"Iam sor
ryIdi
dthat
.Itwi
llneverhappen
agai
nbutIcan'
tqui
tmyj
ob.I
tdoesal
otf
orme"
Me:
"Icandoal
otf
oryou"
Andiswa: "Iknow.It'
snicethatyouwantt ot
ake
careofmeandcut ethatyougetthisjeal
ousbutI
wouldalsol i
kemyi ndependenceandmymar kher
e
i
nt hi
swor ldassomet hi
ngoneday.Idon' twanna
dependonyouNt et
helelo.Youarenotmyf at
her
,t
hat'stheonlyhumanIwoul ddependon
fi
nanciall
yyouar emyboyf ri
endthat'
sall"
Me:
"it
'showyouseeme?"
Andiswa:"Ntet
hel
eloit
'sj
ustt
hat.Idon'
twanna
l
oosemyi ndependenceandIam notqui
ti
ngmyj ob.
Thatfi
nal"
Shest
oodupandcamemysi
deandspunmychai
r
ar
oundandl
aidaper
konmyli
ps.
Andi
swa:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Ishouldbeangrywit
hwhatshesaidbuther
eIam
melti
ng.Shelookedatmywrist.
Andi
swa:
"itsui
tsyou,
l
ikeme"
Sheshowedmeherwr
istandwal
kedt
othedoor
.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Andi
swa:
"Mbul
azi"
Fuckwhati
sgoi
ngon?Ican'
tlett
hisgoeasi
ly.
Me:
"comebackher
e."
Andi
swa:"Ihavewor
k.Iwi
llseeyouaf
termyshi
ft.
Il
oveyou"
Sheopenedt
hedoorandwinkedt
henwal
kedout
cl
osi
ngthedoor
.Ilookedatmypant
s.
Me:
"fuckAndi
swa"
Ispuninfr
ust
rat
ion.Itookmycarkeysandl
ooked
atthephot
oofUnathiandIputi
tdownandIwalked
out.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwasact
ual
lypi
ssedatNt
ethel
elo.Whathesai
d
real
lyruinedmyday, t
oactuall
yaskmet oquithe
shouldr eall
yforgeti
tshame.Iwal kedoutj
ustto
takeawal kandhisbrother
swer ebytheservi
ce
areatalkingwithsomeguys.Onewhi stl
edandI
l
ookedathi m andhesignaledIshouldgotohim.I
huffedandIwentt othem .
Ayanda:
"sot
ellusaboutyou"
Heseemedl i
kethenicetypebuthi
sbrot
herwas
i
nti
midati
ng.Theywer eplayi
ngmusicand l
eani
ng
bythecar.Aren'
ttheysupposedtobeatwor
k?
Ayanda:
"rel
axwedon'
tbi
te,
whoi
sAndi
swa?"
Me:
"wel
l,
Andi
swaBhengui
sthename"
Ayanda:
"Youst
oodyourl
it
tl
egr
oundonmy
br
other"
Me:
"Idon'
tneedt
odependonaman"
Zamani:
"whati
sthatyoudot
henoryouwor
kher
e?
"
Iswal
lowed.
Me:
"Iam st
udyi
ng.Lastyeari
nteachi
ng"
Ayanda:
"ohyouhavepat
ience"
Me:
"yes"
Theynodded.Hel
etouthi
shand.
Ayanda:
"Il
ikeyou"
Zamani:
"youai
n'tbad"
Me:
"IsNt
ethel
elot
hatj
eal
ous?
"
Zamani:
"youdi
dki
ssanot
herguy"
Ayanda:
"dude"
Me:
"oht
hat"
Zamani:
"whyt
hough?"
Me:"Iknowmebei ngnewatdat
ingwon'
tjust
if
y
anyt
hing.Iapol
ogi
zedandIam t
ruet
omyapol ogy"
Ayanda:
"canyoumar
rymei
nst
ead?"
WelaughedandNt
ethel
elowal
kedi
nandhest
ared
atme.
Ayanda:
"Il
ikeher"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogoandwor
k."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llf
etchyou"
Inot
icedandIwal
kedof
f
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
21] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t27

Afterdoi ngmyl astr

oundofwor k.Alr
eadyalotof
thestaf fmember shavel ef
t.IthinkTri
stanissti
lli
n
hisoffice.IfinishedupandIt henwenttochange, I
sentat exttodadi nforminghimt hatIam goi
ng
withNt ethel
elo.Igotamessagef rom Nt
ethelel
o
tel
li
ngmehei soutside.It ookmybagandIwal ked
outsayi nggoodbyet othesecur i
tyman.Isawhi m
standingnextt ohiscarwi t
hhandsi nhispocket
andIr eachedhi m andwel ookedateachot herfora
while.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
en'
tyougonnagi
vemeaki
ss?"
Me:
"doyoudeser
vei
t?"
Iraisedmybr owandhechuckl edandl ookeddown
thenst eppedf orwar
dandhel dmywai stbefor
ewe
shar edakiss.Godt heshiversthatwentdownmy
spineashi sspi cycolognefi
ll
edmynost ri
lsand
wentdownt omycl i
tori
s.Imoanedi nhismouth
andhel etoutasmal lgroanandIbr okeitand
placedmyhandsonhi schestsinceIwasshor t
er
thanhi m alot.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"Imi
ssedyoumor
e"
HeperkedmyforeheadandIlai
dmyheadinhi
s
chestandj
ustl
ist
enedtohisheartbeat
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryaboutwhatIsai
dear
li
er."
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"Let
'sgof
eedus"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
Heopenedt
hedoorandIgoti
nandthankedhim
andhewentt
ohissi
deandthenhedroveoff
.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Mom.:
"thatt
hingsmel
lsbadbaby"
Il
if
tedmyhandup.
Me:
"wel
lIhavenochoi
cer
eal
lymom "
Qamo:"Ist
il
lwonderhowNt
ethel
elol
ovesyour
at
ti
tude"
Wewer eathome.Iwasvi si
ti
ngandsit
ti
ngalone
atti
meswi t
hmai dsfulli
nthehouseandyouhave
everydesi
gnerclot
hingyoucant hi
nkofandsomeI
haven'
tevenwor nsoIam heretobondwithmy
famil
ybutitseemslikeQamoal wayshas
somethingtosay.
Me:
"That
'st
heol
dmeQamo"
Shel
aughedandputherjuicedown.Themai
d
camewit
hthebiscui
tsoutside.
Qamo:
"Youwi
llneverchangeUnat
hi"
Mom :
"enoughnow"
Shesi
ppedonhert
ea.ItookoutmyphoneandI
hadamessagef
rom Londi
e.
Londi
e**
weneedt
omeetup*
**
Me*
**ok,
Iam onmyway*
**
Londi
e**
*Meetmei
nSandt
onmal
l**
*
Me* **Iam l
azytodr
iveal
lthewayt
o
Johannesbur
g* *
*
Londi
e**
Justcome*
**
Igroanedandoutmyphonei
nmybagandputmy
j
uicedown.
Me:"mom Ihavet
oleave.Iam meet
ingupwi
tha
f
ri
end"
Mom :
"Wheni
syourscan?"
Me:
"Nextweek"
ShenoddedandIki ssedhercheekandsai dmy
goodbyesandImademywayt omycarandt henI
droveofftoJohannesbur g.Londieisi r
ri
tat
ing
shame.AsIam dr i
vingIt akeaglanceupt omy
ri
ng.Iwoul dneverf orgetmyweddi ngday.
Ntethel
elomadei tt
hedr eam weddingIwant edi tt
o
beandi twasbi gandt heeweddi ngt hatwasdone
hereinGaut engasawhol e.Iwant edi ttobe
memor ableofhowIl ookedandhowpeopl ewi l
l
knowmef rom it
.Mom l ovedit,
Qamoandhi s
si
ster'
sthoughti twast oomuchwel l Idi
dn'tcare.
Me:"Whenwast
hel
astt
imeNt
ethel
elowor
ehi
s
r
ing?"
Iquesti
onedmysel
f.Ihaven'
tseenhim wear
ingi
t
forsometimenow.Iwonderwhereitis.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*
Ihadj ustcamef r
om myl ect
ureandiwasdead
ti
red.Ihandedi nmyassi gnmentsothat'
sagood
reli
ef.Iast udyi
ngtowardsCrimi
nologyanddamn
i
t'sshowi ngmesomet i
mes.Ihaveabusyl i
fe,A
student,Mot herandawife.Ademandi ngwifeto
sandile.Igottothecaratthecampuspar ki
nglot
andIpl acedmyl apt
opandbagatt hebagandI
closedthedoor .
"Youhavebeenawf
ull
yqui
ett
odaypar
tner"
Ij
umpedandhi
thi
sshoul
der
.
Me:
"Bayandadon'
tdot
hat"
Hechuckl
ed.
Bayanda:
"youf
orgott
hese"
Hesai
dhandinghi
snotes,
hehel
psmeatt
imes
whenIgetswamped.
Me:
"Thankyouskhokho"
Bayanda:
"let
'sgooutf
ori
cecr
eam atMusgr
ave"
Me:
"Ican'
t.Iam meet
ingupwi
thmyhusband."
Iopenedt
hedoort
othef
rontseat
.
Bayanda:
"Iguesst
omor
rowt
hen"
Me:"honest
lyIcan'
tgooutwithyoul
iket
hat
.Our
i
nter
acti
onshouldendinschool"
Bayanda:
"why?Youwi
llgeti
ntr
oubl
ewi
thhubby
?"
Me: "No,it
'sjustt
hatIr
espectmyhusband
becauseifhewast ogooutwi t
hanot
herfemal
e
especial
lyhisexIwouldn'
tli
keit
."
Iwasaboutt
ocl
oset
hedoorwhenhehel
dit
.
Bayanda:
"tel
lmeYol
andai
smi
ne.Iknowi
tMer
cy
"
Me:
"byeBayanda"
Bayanda:
"DamnyouMer
cy!Tel
lme!"
Me: "shei
snotyoursandthanksforthenotes."
I
gavehim hisnot
esandclosedthedoorthenstar
ted
thecarbeforedr
ivi
ngoff
.BayandaandIusedt o
dateandmyoneni ghthappenedwit
hsandile.I
didn'
tknowwhot hebabydaddywasatt hatti
me
becauseImessedwi t
htwoguysandIj ustwent
withsandi
letaki
ngmychancesandt hegodswer e
wit
hmeandYolandaishis.Shehashiseyesand
nose.Shej
ustl
ooksli
keherfat
her.Ibr
eathedout
andtookmyphoneoutandcall
edhim.
Sandi
le:
"Baby"
Me:
"ar
eyoui
nameet
ing?
"
Sandi
le:
"yeahIam i
none"
Me:
"okIam comi
ng"
Sandi
le:
"wewi
llt
alkcauseyoudon'
tsoundok"
Me:
"Iam f
inesandi
le"
Sandi
le:
"Okbaby"
HehungupandIbr
eathedout
.Idr
ovet
oMusgr
ave
bef
oreIwentt
oUmhlanga.
.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
Ipluggedinmysongswhi lewewerecarri
ddingto
hi
sapar tment.Imeanthisguychangescar
dalot
anddr essesni
cel
ybutwhydoeshel ivei
naflaton
hi
sown.Heshoul dhaveahouse.Iwasplaying
H.E.R'ssongs.Iwassingi
ngalong.
Me:
"babyt
hesoundofyou,
bet
tert
hanahomi
e
(
mmh)
Iwantyouof
fmymi
nd,
andonme
Hol
dingmecl
osert
hanwe'
veeverbeenbef
ore
Thi
sai
n'tadr
eam.You'
reher
ewi
thme
Boyi
tdon'
tgetnobet
tert
hanyou,
foryou
Iwannat
akemyt
ime,
I'
m not
Iwannal
oveyou,
i
never
yki
ndofway
Iwannapl
easeyou,
nomat
terhowl
ongi
ttakes
I
fthewor
ldcoul
dendt
omor
rowt
henweonl
yhave
t
oday
I
'
m gonnal
oveyou,
i
never
yki
ndofway"
Nt
ethel
elochuckl
edandl
ookedatme.
Me:
"What?"
Hesmi
rked.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"not
hing"
Ishookmyhead.Wegott
ohisplaceandgotout
andwemadeourwayinsi
de.Iwentstr
aightf
ort
he
ki
tchen
Me:
"fr
eshenup"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yesmam "
Hekissedmycheekandwalkedoff
.Iwashedmy
handsandst
art
edwiththecooki
ng.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Ifi
nal
lygottoSandt
onmallandIwasti
redal
ready.
IsawLondieandIIwentt
otakeaseatonhertabl
e
Me:
"youcal
led"
Iputmybagont
het
abl
e.
Londi
e:"howhaveyoubeen?"
Me:
"goodwhy?
"
Londi
e:"youknowt
hatchomi
eIl
oveyour
ight?"
Me:
"whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Londi
e:"t
his"
Shetookoutherphoneandshowedmephone
conver
sationsbetweent
hegir
lsint
hegroup.This
newgirlIdidn'
tknowsai
dthatherMnt
ungwai s
pati
entwithwaiti
ngonherbefor
eshehassex.
Me:
"sowhatdoesi
thavet
odowi
thme?"
Londi
e:"youdi
dsayNt
ethel
eloi
sof
f"
Me:
"yeahandwesor
tedi
tout
.It
'smybehavi
our"
Londi
e:"l
et'
slooki
ntohermyst
eri
ousman."
Me:"youknowMnt
ungwai
sasur
nameaswel
l
r
ight?"
Londi
e:"GodUnat
hiIneedsomewi
ne."
Shecall
edthewaiterandItookherphoneand
scr
oll
ed.Thisgi
rldidn'
ttal
kmuchbuthereand
there.Shediddropherpi
cturethoughandsheisa
beautif
ulnat
uralbeaut
ybutfatshame.Icli
ckedmy
tongueandoutthephonedown.
Ntet
hel
elowon'
tcheatonmewithafatt
hingi
f
t
hat'
sif
.Howwi l
lhecarryt
hatPhumba?
Me:
"Ineedagl
assofwi
ne"
Shepour
edwi
nef
ormeandIdr
ankup.
Me:
"let
'sl
ooki
ntoher
.
Londi
e:"(smi
li
ng)Iknewyouwoul
dbeonboar
d.
IhopeNtethel
eloi
snotcheat
ingonmebecause
hel
lwil
lbreak.Iwon'
tletabi
tchtakehi
m.Noteven
afatone.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Af
terIwasdonecooki
ng.Iwashedmyhandsand
dishedupf orNt
ethelel
o.Hewasonhi sphone
whilehewaswat chingmecookatt hesametime.I
tookhisphonefrom hishandsandhejumpedt o
takeitbutIputi
tontopofthefr
idgeandhetickl
ed
me.
Me:
"Mnt
ungwano"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youcoul
dhavecal
ledme."
Me:
"iwantyourat
tent
ion."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e"
Heheldmywai
standwesharedakissandhe
pr
essedmeonthefr
idgewi
thhisf
oreheadonmi
ne.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyouMbul
azi"
Iranmyhandsonhi sarmsandheki ssedmy
foreheadandt hennosetipandIgi ggledandhe
perkedmyl ipsbeforehefullykissedmeandI
returnedi
t.Ourt onguesintert
wi ni
ngandIam
getti
ngbetterandbet t
erwi t
hthiski ssi
ngbusi
ness.
Hishandswer eonmybut tandhesqueezedi tabit
andImoanedandhedeci dedt opickmeupwi t
h
ease.Myhandswentt ohi sneckandhai randmy
l
egswr appedar oundhi swai st
.Hegoti nt he
bedroom andhel aidmei nbedandheki ssedmy
neckandmybr eat hinghinched.Icoul dfeelt he
fuzzynessbetweenmyt highs.Hi shandswent
undermywhi tevestandr eachedmybr alesschest
andsqueezedmyni ppl
esandImoanedaswel l
.He
l
ookedmei nmyeyesandIr eturnedi tbef orehe
kissedmylipstaki ngmycl othesof fslowl y.He
reachedmyunder wearandt ooki toffaswel landI
wasnakedunderhi m.Thewayhewascar essing
mybodyandki ssi ngandwor shipingitleftal otof
bubblesinmyst omach.Hedi dcirculatedhi s
thumbonmycl itor i
sandImoanedt othepl easure
thatsuccumbedt omywhol ebodyandr eachedmy
toes.One, t
wof i
nger sinsidemywhol eandI
squirmedholdinghi sshoul ders
Me:
"ithur
tsabi
t"
Henoddedandt ookoutoneandheslowlymovedi t
i
nsi
deme.Thepai nbecamepleasur
eandIf ound
mysel
frubbingmyselfandsqueezi
ngmybr easts
whi
lemybr eat
hingwasheavy.Hekissedthespace
betweenmybr eastsandt hatwavecamet oo
quicklyformyl iki
ngbutthereleasewasamazing.
Hepul ledhisfingeroutandper kedmyli
ps.Hetook
offhisclothesaswel landwhatIsawmademe
swallow.Isthathispr i
vat
ear ea?Hegetsontopof
meandwear ebot hnakedandki ssi
ng.Hebreaksi
t
andheposi t
ionshimself.
Me:
"Iam scar
ed"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
'wecanst
op"
Me:
"no,
goonMnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyousur
e?"
Inoddedandheper kedmyl i
ps.Het ookacondom
andi twasinhishand.Heopenedmyl egsabit
widerandIf el
thist
iprubonmypr i
vatearea.I
moanedandhel dontohim.Ihaveneverf eltso
muchpl easureinmyl i
fe.Itwasl
ikehewast aking
mei ntoanotherworld.Ifel
thi
m penetratehim and
Iclosedmyeyesasi twasunbearabl
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"iam sor
rybaby.I
twi
llbeoversoon.
Inoddedandhekissedmylipswhil
erubbi
ngmy
cl
itandthatt
ookmeawayf rom t
hepain.He
stoppedandhelookedatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
eMbul
azi"
Hesmil
edandperkedmyli
psbeforemovi
ngi
nsi
de
ofmegent
ly.Thepainwasst
il
lther
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"rel
axbaby"
It
ri
edtoandthat'
swhenpl
easurest
art
edt oki
cki
n
aswel
l.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim ashe
movedsl
owlyinsi
deme.
Me:
"ohmmh"
Ntet
helel
o:"Il
oveyouAndi
swa,
neverdoubtt
hat
.
Neverdoubtme.Youaremi
ne"
Me:
"Iam your
s!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam your
s"
Me:
"Aahyouar
emi
ne!
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
Heki ssedmyf oreheadandhethrust
eddeeperand
hi
spacei ncreasedsoast hepl
easurewhi l
ehis
headwasbur i
edbymyneckashewaski ssingit
.
Shiverswer egoi ngdownmyspi neal
otandIl oved
hi
m, Ilovehim deepert hanbef
ore.Itrusthi
m andI
don'tseemysel fwit
houthim.
.
.
Sorr
ytowrit
ethesexualsceneher
ebutIwasl
azy
towri
tei
tinthegr
oupt oday.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
21] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t28

Iwokeupwit
har mswr appedar oundme.I n
bet
weenmyt highsi
t'
sbur ni
ng.Iadj ustmyeyes
andIl
ookbesidemeandNt ethelel
oisholdi
ngme.
Hei sindeepsleepbyt hel ook.Itakesomet i
met o
l
ookathi m andhehasbol df eat
ures.Icar esshis
cheekandper khisthicklipsandIsmi letomysel f
.I
can'tbeli
eveIlostmyvi r
ginityyester
dayandi twas
themostmagi calnightforme.Il i
keditslow.Iliked
i
tr oughandwewental lnightlong.Iam gl ad
Ntethelel
oandIdat edaftermy21storIwoul dbe
cryingnow.Idon' tregr
etanyt hi
ngwi t
hhi m atthis
moment .Heopenedhi seyesandhecar efull
y
l
ookedatme.Asmi rkcurveduponhi slipsandhe
perkedmi ne.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"mor
ningst
handwaSam "
Me:
"Mor
ningMbul
azi"
Weshar
edyetanot
herki
ss.
Me:
"mypr
ivat
ear
eai
sbur
ningandIhavewor
k"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"takeadayof
f"
Me:
"haah.Iam notf
all
ingf
ort
hatagai
n"
Ir
oll
edoffthebedandIwal
kedt
othedoorandhe
waslaughi
ng.
Me:
"somet
hingwr
ong?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ir
ippedyouapar
tdi
dn'
tI?"
Hegotof
fthebednaked.
Me:
"youhavenoi
dea"
Hechuckl
edandpi
ckedmeup.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Hedi dn'tcomeback.DamnIam goi ngt okil

l
someonet oday.Icheckt hi
sgirlonFacebookand
Inst
agr am andIonl yf
indheronFacebook.Not hing
muchj ustherf ace.Icli
ckedmyt ongueandwent
toNtethel elo'
sInstagr
am andseemsl i
keit
'sstill
t he
same.Nosi gnsofcheatingoranyt hingbutwhydi d
hesleepout?Hehasneverdonet hat.Isi
tdownon
thecouchanddr inksomewat er.Ihat ebeing
pregnant .Ican'tevendri
nkmyangeraway.It ake
myphoneandIcal lhi
m yetitgoesunanswer ed.
Me:
"Damni
tNt
ethel
elopi
ckup!"
Ithr
ewtheglassacr
ossther
oom andshatt
eredon
thewall
.Tearsnear
edmyeyes.Ican'
tloosehim,
i
won'tl
oosehim.Iwipedmytear
s.
Me:
"Letmegosear
chf
orhi
m"
It
ookmycarkeysandIwal
kedout
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Iwasi nthekitchencooki ng.Ihadnocl assestoday

andSandi lefetchedYolandayest erday.Todayhe
sai
dhewi llbewor ki
ngfrom homeandIwashappy
tohavehi m around.Ther ewasabuzzf r
om the
gateandt hesecur it
ywilltakecareofit.Sandi l
e
Hasn'tgivenmeaval idanswerofhi sKatenights
soIwi l
lkeeponassumi ngorf i
ndoutt hetrut
hon
myver yown.Thedoorbel lwasrangandIgr oaned.
Yol
anda:
"Mommysomeonei
satt
hedoor!
"
Me:
"babycomeher
e!"
"Ar
en'
tyouacut
ie?"
Heelscli
ckedandmadet heirwaytomykit
chenand
Iheldmyknifeti
ghtl
yasshewasacr ossmewitha
connivi
ngsmile.Shewasi nwhit
epantssui
tanda
blackshir
thal
fdone.Herbunwasmessyandher
redli
psti
ckwasbr i
ghtenough.
Pear
l:"Mr
sZuma"
Me:
"Youhavenor
espect"
Pear
l:"Ir
angt
hedoorbel
l"
Me:
"whatdoyouwant?
"
Sherunshermani
cur
edf
ingeronherr
edl
ipand
l
ooksatme.
Pear
l:"Iam her
eforSandi
le"
Wesharedastar
ingcont
est
.Shewasenj
oyi
ngand
Iwant
edheroutofmyhouse.
"Baby,
howi
sthat.
..
..
"
Hewal
kedi
nandl
ookedatus.
Sandi
le:
"Pear
lwhatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Pear
l:"ineedt
otal
ktoyoupr
ivat
ely"
Icl
ickedmyt ongueandturnedofft
hestoveand
walkedouttaki
ngoffmyapr on.Pearli
sSandil
e'
s
exthatIhat
esomuch.Thedi sr
espectt
ocomei n
myhousel i
kethat.Igotinmybedroom and
Sandil
ewasshout i
ngafterme.Hewal kedi
n.
Sandi
le:
"Let
'st
alk"
Hesai
dcl
osi
ngt
hedoor
.
Me:
"uf
unanil
ah?(Whati
sshedoi
ngher
e?)
"
Sandi
le:
"Idon'
tknowbaby"
Me:"getheroutofmyhouse.Getheroutofour
l
ivesbef
oreshedoesdamagetous."
Sandi
le:
"shewon'
t"
Me:"Idon'tl
ikei
tsandil
e,myexhasnevershown
uphere.Sheisdi
srespecti
ngme!"
Sandi
le:
"Iknow"
Het
ri
edt
ost
epcl
oser.
Me:
"don'
teven.Getherout!
"
Iwal
kedtothecl
osetangr
y.Thi
sisreal
lypi
ssi
ng
meoff.Isi
ghandsitdownwhil
ecryi
ng.
.
.
*NTETHELELO*

Ihadthemostamazi ngtimewi thAndi swa.Iwi sh

wecoul dl ockourselvesandspendt hedayl ove
makingandcuddl ing.Ichuckledatt het hought .
Alotwoul dbesai datthatmoment .It'
sdi fferent
withAndi swa.Shei sani ndependentt ypet hat
doesn'tneedamanbyherat ti
tudethatshegavet o
meyest erdaybutshegi vesyouyourpl at
f ormt obe
themani nherlif
eemot ionall
yandphysi cally.
Unathi,Idon' tl
oveheranyl ess.Ist i
lllovehert he
samewayIl ovedherbackt henandevennow, her
fi
respiri
ti swhatat t
ract
edmeandt urnsmeonat
ti
mesbuti tgetstoomuchf orme.Isi ghasIdr i
ve
i
nt hedriveway.Myar m andshoul derar eget ti
nga
bitbet
terandIcanhandl edr i
vingbetternow.Iget
outofthecarandImakemywayi nsidet hehouse
andshehasicecream andt
issueswi
thjuiceon
thet
able.Shehasbeencryi
nganditbreaksmy
hear
t.
Me:
"baby"
Shel
ooksatmeandsni
ff
s.Isi
tnextt
oher.
Unat
hi:
"wher
ehaveyoubeen?"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry."
Unat
hi:
"ar
eyoucheat
ingonme?"
Me:
"babygi
vemear
easonf
ori
t"
Unathi:"Idon'
tknowso.Iam sor
ryf
ormy
behaviour."
Me:"Iam sor
ryf
ornotanswer
ingyourcal
ls.Iwas
swampedinwork"
Shelaidherheadonmychest .Thi
swast hef
ir
st.
Shewouldhavet hrownatant
rum.Iremovedthe
hai
rfrom herfaceandki
ssedherfor
ehead.
Me:
"Howi
smybabygi
rl?
"
Unat
hi:
"ihavebeenspot
ti
ng"
If
rownedbecauseIdon'
tknowwhatt
hati
s.
Unat
hi:
"it
'sl
ikeIwentonmyper
iods"
Me:
"di
dyougot
otheDr?"
Unat
hi:
"yes.Hesai
dit
'snor
malbutmyst
ress
l
evel
sshouldbel
ow"
Me:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Iper
kedherl
ips.
Unat
hi:
"Il
oveyouNt
ethel
elo.Idon'
twannal
oose
you"
Me:
"youwon'
tbaby"
Ihuggedherandsheheldonme.Sheseems
vul
nerabl
e.Iwil
lneverl
eaveher.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
21] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t29

Itwasachi ll
ifr
idaymor ningandIwasget ting
dressedandr eadyf orwor k.Iam soexci tedatt he
samet i
me.Tomor rowi t'sgoi ngt obeNt ethelel
o's
birthdayandwewi l
l shar etheexper i
encet ogetherif
hedoesn' tgohome.I t'sbeenwhatnow? 4mont hs
andIam st il
lworkingwher eIam wor ki
ng.Thesex
l
ife, l
etmej ustsaywowandl eavei tli
kethatf or
now.Igetupf r
om mybedandIt akemybagandI
wal koutof ftheroom andwentt othekit
chenIgot
i
nandt herewasl unchal readydonef ormeandI
knowdadhasl etear lyforwor k.Wi nter,i
t'
s
creepi ngi nandIam i nneedofmybaecl oset ome
andwar mingmef rom t hecol d.Il aughatmysel f
thinkingt hat.Iwoul dn' tthinkIwoul dbeher ein
l
ovewi t
ht hisman.Hei samazi ngandhasn' tgiven
mear easont odoubthi m atal l
.Imadeasandwi ch
formeasIam hungr yandt eaandIsatdownand
ate.Af terIwasdoneIt ookmyl unchandmademy
wayoutl ockingtocat chat axigoi ngtowor k.I
arrivedandIhavedi st ancedmysel fabitfrom
Tri
stanbecauseofNt et
hel
elo'
sinsecuri
ti
esand
j
ealousy.Heshoul dn'
tbej
ealousreall
y.WhenIgot
offt
hetaxiIwalkedinmywor kplaceandhewas
i
nspecti
ngthecar s.Iswall
owedwhat everi
twas
andIgreet
edhim.
Me:
"HiMrBr
own"
Isai
dwavi
ng.
Tr
ist
an:
"MsBhengu"
Henoddedwi thacutesmi l
e.Those...
..
letmej ust
keepittomyself.Iwenttogoandchange.Ref ilwe
sentamessagest ati
ngthatshewon'tbeavailable
todaybecauseletl
ogonoloissi
ck.Shame.Iwi sh
him aspeedyrecovery.Iseeamessagef rom
Mer cyandIcl
ickedoni t
.
Mer
cy:
"Whydi
dyouexi
tthegr
oup?"
Me:
"toomuchdr
ama"
Mercy:
"Amandawasj ustput
ti
ngLondi
einher
pl
ace,i
tdoesn'
tinvol
veyou"
Me:
"Iam notawi
fer
emember"
Mer
cy:
"Butyouar
edat
ingt
hismyst
eri
ousguy"
Me:
"it
'snotamyst
eri
ousguyhawu.I
t'
sMbul
azi"
Mer
cy:
"that
'snotaname."
Shesends.Il
ookati
tandbi
tmybot
tom l
ipbef
oreI
type.
Me:
"Hi
snamei
sNt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Sherecei
vesandopensi
tandi
t'
sabl
uet
ick.Isend
anot
herone.
Me:
"Ihaveneverf
eltt
hishappyMer
cy"
Shet
ypes.
Mer
cy:
"Iam sohappyf
oryouAndi
swa"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogowor
k"
Mer
cy:
"ok.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumost"
Il
ogoutandswitchoffmydat abef
oreIgoandtake
mycleani
ngsuppli
esandIwal koutandTrist
ani
s
nowinhisof
fi
ce.Istarttomopandcl eanupher
e
,t
hat
'
swhatIam pai dforanyway.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Me:
"that
'
snotaname."
Shet
ypes.
Andi
swa:
"Hi
snamei
sNt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Thatmomentagai nrepl
aysinmyhead.Idi dn'
t
knowwhatt osay.Mybodyj ustf r
oze,maybesheis
ref
erri
ngtoanotherNtet
heleloKhumal o,not
Unathi
'shusband.Thatguywoul dnevercheatand
youcouldseeit.Heisnotthatt ype.Maybei t'
s
someoneelse.Alotofpeopleint heworldshare
samenameandsur namebutnoman.Whydi dwe
seeNtethel
eloathermemul o.OhmyGod!It ake
myphoneandIcal lsandil
e.
Sandi
le:
"mi
ssmeal
ready"
Me:
"Weneedt
otal
k.Iam comi
ngt
her
e"
Sandi
le:
"okseeyout
hen"
IhangupandIst
areatmyphone.Il
ookat
Andiswa'sprof
ilepicandshelookshappy.Thi swill
shatt
erhersover ymuch.Idon' tknowwhat'
st o
come.Igotof fmybedandIwentt ot
hebathroom
andItookaqui ckshower .Af
teroneIgotoutand
gotdressedintracksui
ts.DurbanJulyist
omor row
soIam thinki
ngofi nvi
ti
ngAndiswa.Maybei twill
confi
rm mysuspi ci
on.Itookmybagandcarkeys
andIwal kedoutofthehouseandgoti nmycarand
droveofftooUmhl anga.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

DR:"t
her
eistheli
tt
leoneMr
sKhumal
o.Youar
e
doi
ngwellsofar
."
Ismil
edandNtethel
elowaslostinhisworl
dof
seei
nghisbaby.Hekissedmyf oreheadandI
smil
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyoubaby"
Me:
"yousayt
hati
never
yappoi
ntment"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llsayi
tEver
yti
meIseeourchi
ld"
Ismi
ledandki
ssedhi
sli
ps.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyout
oo."
Hewi pedt
hegeloffmystomachandhelpedmeof
f
thebed.Myst omachwasshowingabitandi
t
confi
rmsthatIam 4monthspr
egnant
.
Dr:"IsuggestyouFami
li
ari
zeyour
selfwi
thdoi
ng
yogaasanexcer si
eandt
akingbi
rt
hingcl
assesto
prepare."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
hinksot
oo.ThankyouDr
"
Dr:"mypleasur
eMrKhumal
o,seeyoui
nournext
appoi
ntment"
West oodupfr
om ourchai
rsandwewal
kedout
hol
dinghands.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"baby"
Me:
"whydon'
tyouwearyourr
inganymor
e?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Imi
spl
acedi
t.Iam gonnabuyanew
one"
Me:
"ohok"
Ikissedhischeek.Hesmi l
edandopenedt hedoor
tothecarformeandIgoti nandhewentt ohisside
andgoti nbeforedr i
vingoff.Ihavebeen
i
nvest i
gati
ngt hi
sAndi swagi r
landsheistheonly
child,Daddiesgirlandshei s21yearsaswell.She
wor ksatNtethel
elo'sVolkswagenbranchasa
cleaner.Il
ookedathi m.
Hewouldn'
tdateher .YesIdidn'tf
indanythi
ngto
pi
nthem i
fsheisref err
ingtomyhusbandandshe
i
syoungforNtetheleloaswel l
.Thatwoul dbea
l
eveldownonmet hathecheat edwithsomeone
whois11year
syoungert hanme.Ir eal
lyhopehe
i
sn'
toritr
eall
ywon' tendwel l.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*
Havinglunchalonewasverydepr essingbutone
thingIam looki
ngforwar
dtot omorrowi t
's
Ntethel
elo'sbi
rt
hday.Idon'
tknowwhatt ogethim
ashehasmor ethanIcanaffordalreadybutIwil
l
trymakei tsomethi
ngmeaningfulandspeci al
.My
phoner anganditwashim.Ismi ledandputmy
l
unchboxdownandIanswer ed.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whatdi
dIsayaboutt
hat?"
Igi
ggl
ed
Me:
"Mbul
azi"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"ther
ewegost
handwaSan.Howar
e
you?"
Ibr
eat
hout
.
Me:
"Iam good.Havi
ngl
unchal
one"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"that
'snotr
ight"
Isi
gh.
Ntet
helel
o:"BabyIwon'
tbeabl
etoseeyou
t
omor r
ow"
Me:
"aw"
Youcan'
thi
det
hedi
sappoi
ntmentf
rom myvoi
ce.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Yeah.Ihavet
ogohome."
Ne:
"Iunder
stand.Imi
ghtgohomet
hen"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"tovi
sityourgr
andmot
her?"
Ne:
"no"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"tovi
sityourf
ri
end?"
Me:
"yeahshehasbeencal
li
ngmef
ormont
hsnow
"
Ntet
helel
o:"uyazingi
yakut
handa(youknowIl
ove
you)"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"iknow.Il
oveyout
oo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihavet
ogobaby."
HehangupandIt ookmylunchandf ini
shedit
beforeIst
oodupandwentt ocarryonwi thwork
feel
ingsomberallofasudden.Iwon'tbewithhim
tomorrowthenIguess.Byetomypl ans.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Igott
oSandile'scompanyandImademywayI n
wit
houtevengr eetingtherecepti
oni
st.Ipassedhis
paandIjustbat hedinhisofficeandheli
ftedhi
s
headupfrom thel aptop.
Sandi
le:
"(smi
rki
ng)t
her
eisnooneher
e"
Me:
"nx"
Iputmybagdownandst
art
edpacingupanddown.
Hestoodupandhecameandhel
dmywai st
.
Sandi
le:
"whati
sitbaby?"
Ist
opped.
Me:
"It
hinkAndi
swai
sdat
ingNt
ethel
elo.
Isi
ghedheavi
lyandhecur
sed.
Sandi
le:
"fuck!Iwar
nedhi
mtonotgoaf
terherand
hedoes"
Me:
"youknew?"
Sandil
e:"Isawthewayhewaslooki
ngatAndiswa
thatdayandIsawiti
nhiseyest
hathewantsher.
"
Me:
"andyoukeptqui
etsandi
le?
"
Sandil
e:"Iwar
nedhi
m butmywar
ningwasn'
t
enough"
Me:
"ohmyGodki
llmenow"
Il
aidont hecouch.Thi
sisAndiswa'sf
ir
st
boyfr
iendandsheisgonnabreakfrom t
his.
Me:
"Iam scar
ed."
Hecomesandsi
tsbyme.
Sandi
le:
"wecant
ellhert
het
rut
h"
Me:
"no,
Iwanthert
oseei
tforher
sel
f"
Sandi
le:
"meani
ng?"
Me:
"youwi
llsee"
At
extcamei
n.
Andi
swa:
"Iwi
llcomet
otheDur
banJul
ythen"
Me:
"ok"
Ir
epl
i
edandl
ookedatatsandi
le
Me:
"shei
scomi
ng"
Sandi
le:
"itwon'
tendwel
l"
Me:
"Iknow"
Iam scar
edf
ormyf
ri
end.
.
.
*UNATHI*

IwaspackingawaymyChannelshoeswhen
Ntet
hel
elowalkedi
nthebedr
oom fr
om thest
udy
andhekissedmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
eready!"
Me:
"it
'saboutyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yeah"
Me:
"sowhi
chcar
sar
egonnabeshowcased"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Youwi
l
lseel
iket
her
est
.Di
dyouget
yourdr
ess?"
Me:
"yeahandmanyot
hert
hingsf
oryourbi
rt
hday"
Hehol
dsmywai
standper
ksmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"meani
ng.?"
Me:
"Youar
egonnasee"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"can'
twai
t."
Hechuckl
edandwshar
edaki
ss.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"weneedt
oleave.Ourf
li
ghti
sin30
mi
nutes"
Me:
"ok"
IsipupmybagandIputmycoatonbef orewewalk
outleavi
ngourmai ds.Theguar dsar
eloadi
ngour
bagsandt hedri
verwilldr
iveus.Heopensthedoor
formeandIt hankhim andgetinandhegoestohis
sideandgetsinthenthedr i
vergetsi
nandthecar
goest ot
heairpor
t
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
22] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t30

IgothomeandDadwasherealr
eady.Iwentt
ohug
andkisshi
scheek.Hel
ookedatmewithaworri
ed
l
ook.
Dad:
"whati
swr
ong?"
Me:
"not
hing.Iam goi
ngt
oDur
ban"
Dad:
"ohok,
didyout
ellMer
cy?"
Me:
"yesIdi
d.Whoar
eyougonnast
aywi
th?"
Dad:
"yourSi
sterwi
feandherdaught
er"
Me:
"si
sterwi
..
..
..
"
Noi
secamef
rom t
hel
ounge.
"Andi
swa!"
IpeakedanditwasSi
yamt
handaandAunt
y
Jabuli
le.
Irantohugt
hem.
Me:"youar
ehere.WhydoIal
waysher
elastwhen
peopl
ecometovisi
t?"
Theyl
aughed.
Jabul
il
e:"smal
lone"
Shesai
dandwehugged.
Me:
"Iam notl
eavi
nganymor
e"
Dad:
"youar
egoi
ng"
Me:
"but.
..
"
Dad:
"youpr
omi
sedMer
cyal
ready"
Me:
"dadkodwa(dadt
hough)
"
Dad:
"gopack.Iwi
llboi
lbat
hingwat
erf
oryou"
Igr
oaned.
Si
yamt
handa:
"comeon.Iwi
llhel
p"
Shepushedmetomyroom andshewenttothe
wardr
obeandt
ookoutmypur pl
ebi
gsuit
case.
Me:
"Justf
ort
heweekend"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Iknow"
Shest ar
tedpacki ngandIshookmyheadbef oreI
helpedher .Wepackedwi nterclothesandsome
summerj ustincase.Af terwewer edone.Dad
walkedinwi thmybat hi
ngwat erandIt hankedhim
beforetheywal kedoutandst rippedandt ookabath.
AfteroneIgotdr essedi nmynavyl ongsleeve
dresswi t
hmyankl eboot sandadeni mj acketanda
hatonmyhai r.Afterbrushingi tinapushback.I
wentt odiscardthewat erandIt ookmyphonet hat
wasi nthechar gerandmybagandsui tcase.
Si
ya:
"Ir
equest
edf
oryouandIwi
llpay"
Me:
"oouuuht
hanks"
Wegi
ggl
ed.
Jabul
il
e:"don'
tbeki
ssi
ngDur
banl
ips."
Me:
"aunt
yJabst
hatwas4mont
hsago!"
Shelaughed.Sheenj
oysteasi
ngme.Thedr
iver
hel
psmel oadmyt hi
ngsandIhugdad
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
oo.Behave"
Inoddedandkissedhi
scheekandgotint
heUber
.I
wavedbefor
eitdroveof
ftotheai
rpor
t.Mer
cyi
s
qui
ckyho.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iknowt hatAndi swai sdisappoi ntedthatIwon' tbe

abletospendmybi rthdaywi t
hherandpr obably
shehaspl annedsomet hi
ngf ormebutIcan' tmiss
theDur banJul y.Mynamei sont heli
neher eandI
havet obepr ofessional.Wor kfirstatthispointifI
couldsay.Unat hiissleepi
ngonmychestandI
playwi t
hhercheekandIsi gh.Iwon' tli
e.Being
withAndi swahasbeenabl issandIt hinksheis
runningof fUnat hiinawayori nherdi stanceway.
Unathiisst i
llthatsameUnat hibutshet ri
estocalm
herselfdownatt i
mes.It akeoutmyr ingf r
om my
pocketandIl ookati t.Ipr omi sedt onevertakei t
outbuther ei tisinmyhandandnoti nmyf i
nger.
Dr
iver:
"Tot
hehot
elsi
r?"
Me:
"yest
othehot
el"
HenoddedandIoutitawayandIlookedoutsi
de
thewindow.Wehavear ri
vedi
nDurbanandt he
oceanlookswonder
fulandist
hewonderfulvi
ew
aroundhere.Wegottothehot
elandthecarparked
andIshookUnathiabit
.
Unat
hi:
"mmmh"
Me:
"wakeupbaby"
Shesitsupandstretchesherselfandshelooksat
mewi t
haf rown.ShehopeoutandIdot hesame
befor
ewegoandchecki n.Wear egiventhekeys
andwegot oourr
oom.Unat hijustgoestobedand
Igotothebalconyinoursuit
eandl ookout.My
phonerings.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Vuyani:
"wearebythepool
.Thegent
sar
eher
eas
wellwi
ththel
adi
es.Haveyouar
ri
ved?
Me:
"yes"
Vuyani:
"comeandhavesomedr
inkst
hen"
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
IhungupandIgoti
nandki
ssedUnathi
'
scheek
befor
eIwal
kedoutt
ogojoi
nthem i
nthedr
inks.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Wewer ei nvi
tedf ordri
nksatt hehot elandIwasn't
keensinceIhear dt heNtethel el
onewsandIknowi f
Iseehim Iwi l
ljustgobal l
isticbutsandi lesayswe
shouldgof orpracticebefor ewemesst hingsup
tomorrow.Andi swat ext
edmeaf ewhour sago
sayingshei sonherwayt ot heai rportandIwas
happyaboutt hat.Vuyaniwasmaki ngalotofnoise
withhislaughteraswewal kedinandIsawt he
l
adieshavi ngdrinksbyt hepoolsi de.Sandileki
ssed
mycheek.
Sandi
le:
"yougonnabeok?"
Me:
"yesIwi
llbe."
Iwal
kedt
owher
ethel
adi
eswer
eandt
heygr
eet
ed.
Landi
swa:
"Hi,
comehugImi
ssedyouDur
banbal
l"
Theylaughedandwehugged.Shegivesoutwar
m
hugs.Iguessitbei
ngamom toalotofki
ds.
Me:
"Ineedadr
inkt
ounwi
nd"
IsatdownandAmandahandedmeagl
assofwi
ne.
Pal
esa:
"tr
oubl
einpar
adi
se?"
Me:
"school"
HerandLandi
swa:
"don'
tment
ioni
t"
Landiswa:"i
twashardmanagi
ngthetri
plet
s,my
unknowngi f
t,mar
ri
ageandNkonzo'
sleavi
ngswi
th
schoolbutImadeit"
Noma:"yeahwi
thAmandai
ntr
oduci
ngyout
o
al
cohol"
Amanda:
"shethankedme.Looknowyouar
e
wher
eyouarewit
hit"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"wher
eisUnat
hi?"
Zama:
"Nt
ethel
elosai
dshei
sasl
eep."
Me:
"ok"
Igul
pedmywi
ne.
Kwazi:
"Ihavebought2dressest
hisyear
.Idon'
t
wantwhathappenedl
astyeartohappenagai
n"
Somi racul
ouslyherdr essgotruinedlastyearby
bleech.Shecoul dn'tgosoMuzist ayedwi t
hheras
wel l
.Idon'treal
lyknowwhathappenedandwhodi d
i
tbutLondi eandUnat hiaremysuspect s.The
guyscomeandj oinus.Weshar ehugsand
greetingsandwesi tdownal lt
ogether.Weshar e
drinksandl oveisjustf i
ll
edinthereairasyoucould
seesomear enotevenwi t
hus.Wel lsowasusas
wel l
.Myphoner angandi twasAndiswa.Iexcused
mysel fandIwentf arawayf r
om thecr owd.
Me:
"mnt
ase"
Andi
swa:
"Iam att
heai
rpor
t"
Me:
"okwear
ecomi
ngmanj
e"
Andi
swa:
"yousoundof
f,ar
eyouok?"
Isi
gh
Me:"yes.I
t'
sYolandashewasn'tokwhenwe
dr
oppedheroffathergrandpar
ents.
"
Andi
swa:
"shamemybaby."
Me:
"Iam comi
ng"
Andi
swa:
"ok.Wehaveal
otofcat
chi
ngupt
odo"
If
akeasmi
le
Me:
"yeahmnt
ase.Letmecome.Iam onmyway"
Ihungupandwal
kbackt
othem.
Me:
"wehavet
oleaveunf
ort
unat
ely"
Nt
ombi:
'why?"
Me:
"ourdaught
eri
snotwel
l"
Amanda:
"Awushame.Hopesi
swi
llbeok"
Me:
"thanks.Wewi
l
lseeyouguyst
omor
row"
Wewavedandt
ookourt
hingsandwal
kedout
.
Sandi
le:
"wear
egoi
ngt
ofet
chAndi
swa?"
Me:
"yes"
Sandi
le:
"howar
eyoubaby?"
Me:"shat
tered.Idon'
tknowhowshewil
lfeel
causei
twillbe10ti
meswor set
hanhowIfeel"
Hehuggedme.
Sandi
le:
"Iwil
lmar
ryherf
oryousoshewon'
tgo
thr
oughhur
tanymore"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"youwoul
ddot
hat?
"
Sandi
le:
"of
cause.Shei
smyl
it
tl
esi
ster"
wel
aughedandki
ssed.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyout
oo."
Hestartedthecarandhedr oveofftotheairport
.
Wear r
ivedther
eandshewaswai t
ingtappi
ngon
herphone.Shel ooksbeauti
fulandabi tt
hickerin
theri
ghtplacesthough.Igetoutofthecarandgo
toherandweshar eahug.
Andi
swa:
"youat
tackedme"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Andi
swa:
"Imi
ssedyouaswel
l"
Webr
oket
hehug
Sandi
le:
"Mf
aziwam wesi
bil
i(mysecondwi
fe)
"
Andi
swa:"l
ooksl
ikeIwi
llmar
ryyouandl
eavemy
boyf
ri
end"
Wel
aughedandt
heyhugged.
Andi
swa:
"IseeMer
cyusf
eedi
ngyou"
Me:
"Ial
waysf
edhi
m"
Andi
swa:
"noyoudi
dn'
t"
Me:
"Iwon'
tar
guewi
thyou"
Shelaughedandwegoti
nthecarwhil
esandi
le
l
oadedhersuit
caseandhegoti
naft
eranddrove
home.
Me:
"soyourdr
essi
sready"
Andi
swa:
"Ihaveadr
ess?"
Me:
"yes,
whatdi
dyouexpectkant
i?"
Shel
aughed.
Andi
swa:
"okmnt
ase"
Ishookmyhead.Ihopet hati
t'
snotthi
sNtet
hel
elo
pleaseGod.Idon'
twanthergl
owtobedi mmed
overaguy.Whywoul dhedothisthough?

.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
22] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t31

Iwaswokenupi nthemorningbyMercy.Honest
lyI
wasenj
oyingmysl eepinthi
scomfor
tabl
ebedbut
herj
umpingoni tr
eall
ywasnotgonnahappen
anymor
et hatIsl
eepagain.
Me:
"Mer
cyumdal
a(Mer
cyyouar
eol
d)"
Shest
ops.
Mercy:
"wakeup,
wehaveal
ott
odo.Li
kehai
rand
nai
ls."
Me:
"isi
taweddi
ng.?"
Mercy:
"nobutwear
egonnabei
ntheVI
Pwi
th
cel
ebsandal
l"
Me:
"whydi
dIcome?"
Mer
cy:
"becauseyoul
oveme.Come"
Sheper ksmylipsandgetsoffthebed.Irol
loutof
thebedaswel landIcheckmyphoneandIcal l
Ntethelel
obutitgoest
ovoicemail.Maybehei sst
il
l
asleep.ImakemybedandIgot othebathr
oom
andt akeashoweraswell.AfteroneIgetdoneand
Iloti
onedandmer cygotinwit
hpl ast
icandplacedit
ont hebed.
Me:
"whati
sthatnow?
"
Mercy:
"ladyunder
wear
.It
'sbl
acksoi
twi
llgowel
l
wi
thyourdress"
Me:
"thi
sist
hel
astt
imeIam comi
ngt
othi
s"
Mer
cy:
"suckup"
Irol
lmyeyesandIweart hisnewunder wear
.It
wassexyshame.Myphoner angandIwentand
tookitandasmil
ecreptuponmyf aceandIwor e
mygownandwal kedoutt othebuil
dingandlooked
attheviewofDur
banasIanswer ed.
Me:
"Mbul
azib"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sugarpl
um "
Me:
"Happy1stbi
rt
hdaywi
thmeSt
handwaSam "
Iwassmi
li
ngf
rom eart
oear.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Thankyoubaby.Ireal
lyappr
eci
atei
t.
Iknowyouwantedtodosomethingforme."
Me:
"yesIdi
dbutyouhavet
obeathome"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ipr
omi
set
omakei
tupt
oyou"
Hesi
ghed.
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"IloveyouAndi
swaandyoushowedme
adi
ffer
entanglet
olif
e"
Me:
",Il
oveyout
ooNt
ethel
elo.Thankyouf
orl
ovi
ng
me"
Ntet
helel
o:"Ishoul
dbet
heonet
hanki
ngyou.I
havetogo"
Me:
"enj
oyyourday"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llt
ryt
o"
Webot
hlaughedbef
orehehungup.Iwal
kedback
i
nandMercywaswaiti
ngforme.
Mer
cy:
"theyhavear
ri
ved"
Me:
"ok"
Ibitmybottom li
psmili
ngaswewal kedtotheot her
guestroom anditwastransfor
medasourchangi ng
room.Ther eweretwoladiesandref
reshments.
Ooouht hi
sisnice.Wesatdownandonest arted
withmynai l
swhiletheotheronewasdoingMer cy's
hair.
Me:
"Thi
sishi
ghcl
assmmm"
Wel
aughed.
Mer
cy:
"Mngoh"
Me:
"yesMngoh"
Mercy:"Tel
lmeaboutyourboyf
ri
end.Howhe
t
reatsyouandal
l"
Idr
ankmyj
uice.
Me:"Heisamazing.Heisver
ydi
fferentaswel
l,
he
tr
eat
smewi thcareandhol
dsmelikeIam goi
ngto
vani
sh.HelovesmeandIlovehi
m"
Mer
cy:
"Soundl
ikeyouar
einl
ove"
Me:
"sover
ymuch"
Isi
ppedonmyj
uice.
Mercy:
"Don'
trushanyt
hingok?Don'
tgi
veyour
sel
f
f
ull
yuptohim"
Ikeptqui
et.
Mer
cy:
"Whyar
eyouqui
et?"
Me:
"Nor
eason"
Ididn'
twannat
ellhert
hatwehavesleptnumer
ous
ti
mesbecauseshewi l
lgobal
li
sti
c.
Me:
"Il
iket
hatweaveonyou"
Mer
cy:
"Thanksbabes"
Wewer
epamper
edandpr
epar
ed.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Iam sohappyt hatmydr essf i

tsmeandmy
stomachi sni
celyvi
sibleandcut easwel l
.
Ntethel
eloisalr
eadydressedi nhi ssuitandhe
l
ooksdapper .Makesmef al
linlovewi thhim al
l
overagain.Onet hi
ngthat '
sirr
itati
ngthoughi sthi
s
dryingbracel
etonourwr istsbutshowshei sazulu
man.Iwal kuptohim andst andbehi ndhim and
ki
sshi sneck.Icanreachi tbecauseIam al mosthis
height.
Me:
"happybi
rt
hdayMnt
ungwa"
Het
urnedar
oundandki
ssedme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyoubaby"
Her
ubbedmyst
omach.
Me:
"Ihaveasur
pri
sef
oryou"
Iwentt
otakehispresent
.IboughtGucciSl
ipper
s
andGuccisungl
assesforhi
m.Igavei tt
ohim and
heki
ssedmyf or
ehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyoubabyIl
ovei
t"
Ismil
ed.Hisphoner
angandhet
ooki
tand
answered.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wear
eonourwayout.
..
..
..
ok"
Hehungup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"weshoul
dgetgoi
ng.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Itookmyclutchbagandwemadeourwayout .I
waswear i
ngagr eendr essthatreachedmyknees.
ItwaslongshortsleevesandhadLacydet ailedthat
formedaV-neck.Di amondear ri
ngsandbr acelet
withmywhi t
eVer saceheels.Myweavewasl ong
andstrai
ght.Wegoti nt hecarandi fdroveof fto
wheretheDurbanJul ywi l
lbetakingplace.Iam not
nervousandusedt otheset hi
ngs.Iwaschat tingto
Londieaboutwher etheyareandshesaidtheyhave
arri
ved.Wehavear r
ivedaswellandNtet
helel
o
openst hedoorf ormeandIhopedoutandt hanked
him.Ihookedmyar m withhi
sandwemadeour
wayi nwithflasheseverywhereandwewer easked
questionsaswel lonwhodr essedusandwe
answer edthem.Thi sismyl i
fepeopl
e.Thelif
eof
thesetypeofevent s
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

WhenAndi swasaidthatshel oveshim.Iknewi t

wasdoom butgoodt hingshehasn' tsleptwit
hhim
orifcouldhavebeenwor se.Iwasget tingmynails
done.Ihasashor tgreyweavet hatwillmatchmy
fr
ostygr eydress.Mynai lsweregonnabenudei n
colourwi t
hat ouchofwhi t
eli
kei t
'sfadingabit.I
wasl ookingatherchatti
ngherwayt hroughher
phoneast heyinst
all
edal ongcurlyweaveonher
head.Sheisal
waysanat
uralandshel
ovesi
tbut
todayIwanthert
otur
nheads.
Andi
swa:
"Dadsendshi
slove"
Me:
"Il
ovehi
mtoo"
Myphoner
angandi
twassandi
leandit
ooki
t.
Me:
"baby"
Sandi
le:
"thedr
iverwi
llbr
ingyouher
e"
Me:
"wear
elat
eIknow"
Sandi
le:
"wear
est
il
lgambl
ing"
Me:
"whi
chhor
set
hist
ime?
"
Sandi
le:
"number3"
Isi
ghed
Me:
"Iwon'
tevenar
guewi
thyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Sandi
le:
"howi
sshe?"
Me:
"happy"
Sandi
le:
"ei
shIhavet
ogo"
Me:
"bye"
Theygotdonewit
hmynail
sandAndiswawasdone
aswellandhermakeupwasdone.Shehadj
ust
takenasel
fi
e.
Me:
"wowyoul
ookbeaut
if
ul"
Andi
swa:
"onceIcl
eanup"
Wel
augh.
Me:
"let
'sgetdr
essed"
Wet
ookourdr
essesandwewentt
ogetdr
essed.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Wewer ewatchingthehorsesr
ace.Sandi
lehad
chosenhishorseandsoasNkonzoandMongezit o
gambleon.Thel adiesweredi
sappr
ovingbutt
hey
didn'
tbackdown.
Amanda:
"Mongezit
akeyourmoneyback"
Mongezi:
"cal
m downbabyi
t'
sjustami
ll
ion"
Amanda:"Landi
swaKhul
umanomfowenu
(Landi
swatalkt
oyourbr
other)
"
Landi
swa:
"Ihavemyownpr
obl
emsaswel
l"
Wel
aughed.Nkonzoki
ssedherl
ips.
Nkonzo:
"cal
m downbaby,
i
t'
sjustf
un"
Landi
swa:
"butsnuggl
es"
Webust
edinl
aughterashef
rownedandshookhi
s
headwi
thasmil
e.
Ntsi
ka:"Ial
waysf
orgett
ocal
lhi
m gener
al
snuggl
es"
Noma:
"doyouwantmet
oexposeyour
s?"
Nt
sika:
"babydon'
tgoagai
nstme"
Wel
aughedandicheckedonUnat
hi.
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Unat
hi:
"Iam f
ine."
Shet
urnedbacktol
ondi
e.Shedoesn'
tli
kethe
ot
her
s.Thehorseswer
enowr aci
ngandtheguys
wereontheirf
eet
.IcheckedmyWhat sappandI
sawAndiswa'sst
atus.Itwasasel
fiei
fher
sel
fand
wowshel ooksamazing.Thecapt
ionwas"outand
about"Icommented..
Me:
"youar
ebeaut
if
ulst
handwaSam "
Af
ewmoment
ssher
epl
ied.
Andi
swa:"ungi
phet
hekahl
eudal
i(mybaei
s
t
reat
ingmegood)"
IchuckledandIscr
eenshotherst
atusandhi
de
UnathiandZamawi t
hLondieandIpost
edher.
Mbongenicomment
edf
ir
st.
Mbongeni:
"anot
herone?
"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"st
il
lthesameone"
Thent
hesi
bli
ngsgr
ouphadnot
if
icat
ionscomi
ngi
n.
MbongenioutAndi
swa'
sphot
oint
her
e.
Unami:
"Idon'
tknowwhyyoust
il
lwi
tht
hatbr
at
Ntet
hel
elo"
Li
sa:
"Iaskmysel
fandGodt
hesamequest
ion"
Ayanda:
"youwon'
tunder
standi
fit
'st
hepussy
gamethat
'sonf
ir
e"
Me:
"iti
t'
sonf
ir
e"
Ii
magi
net
het
ight
nessofAndi
swa'
sandIgr
oan.
Khanyi
sil
e:"shei
sourMakot
i,don'
ttal
kil
l"
Ayandasentapi
ctur
ecat
ion"
Makot
ivssi
dechi
ck"
Me:
"don'
tcal
lAndi
swaasi
dechi
ck"
Zamani:
"i
t'
sthatbr
o"
Icl
ickedmyt
ongue.
Li
sa:
"si
dechi
ck.Shei
sbeaut
if
ul"
Unami:
"Igowi
thLi
sa"
Ayanda:
"Iam t
her
etoo"
Mbongeni:
"Iguessweal
lagr
ee"
Ayanda:
"wher
eisThel
okuhl
e?"
Thel
owast
ypi
ng.
Thel
o:"angi
yit
handil
eyangane.Si
dechi
ck(Idon'
t
l
iket
hatgi
rl
.Si
dechi
ck)
"
Il
aughed.Hedoesn'
ttal
kmuchandhei
stheol
dest.
Khanyi
sil
e:"bot
h"
Zamani:
"justl
eavei
tkhanyi
sil
e"
Wel
aughedandSandi
leshout
ed.
Sandi
le:
"yes!
"
Iguesshewon.
Kwando:
"wel
ldonebr
o"
Il
oggedout
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wear ri
vedandi twasamazing.Sawalotof
celebri
ti
eshereandalsothereweremodelsaswell
here.Itlookedamazing.Wewer ewal
kinginand
wer easkedquesti
onsaswel lher
eandther
eandwe
tookpictures.
Mer
cy:
"let
'sgot
othegr
oup"
Me:
"sur
e"
Mer
cy:"
Ithi
nkt
heyar
ebyt
het
rackbecauset
hey
wer
egambli
ng"
Inoddedandwewentther
e.Wereachedt
hem and
thel
adiesl
ookl
iket
heyareri
chandsoasthe
husband'
s.Mer
cyheldmyhandforsomereason.
Sandi
le:
"babyIwon!
"
Sher
unst
ohughi
m andwest
artbyt
hel
adi
es.
Lady:
"oht
hismuchbeAndi
swa"
Ismi
led
Mer
cy:
"thi
sisLandi
swa"
Shehasawar
m hug.
Me:
"ni
cet
omeetyou"
Lady:
"Il
ike"
Mer
cy:
"that
'sAmanda"
Shei
ntr
oducedt
hem aswehugged.
Wewentt
othegent
sandt
wol
adi
eswer
esi
tt
ing
wit
hthem.Onehadherheadonherhusband' s
shoul
derIpresumememyst omachturnedwhenI
sawNtethel
elo.HewasjustasshockedbutIdi
dn'
t
wanttosayanythi
ng..hel
lIdidn'
tknowwhattosay.
Mercy:
"guysthisi
smyf
ri
endAndi
swa,
Andi
swa
t
hisisNkonzo"
Shewentonint
roduci
ngt
hem astowhoi
swho'
s
husbandandwegottoNt
ethel
elo
Mercy:
"andthat
'sUnat
hiandherhusband
Nt
ethel
elo"
Iswearmyhear tbr
okeat housandti
mes.If el
tli
ke
mysoulleftme.It houghtit'
shi
ssist
er.Shegave
meal ookasIstret
chedmyhandt oshakethei
r
handsandi twasshaking.Icl
earedmyvoicefrom
whateverthatwas.
Me:
"ni
cet
omeetyou"
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
22] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t32

*
UNATHI
*

Ilookedatthi
sAndiswagir
landmyinsidesjust
turned.Il
ookedatherupanddownandl ookedat
Ntethelel
o.Hehasn'
tsai
danythi
ng.Hecan' t
possiblybecheat
ingwit
hthist
hingi
nfr
ontofme.
Shef l
ashedasmi l
eanditwasweak.
Me:
"Wher
eisyourdat
e?"
Andi
swa:
"Idon'
thaveone"
Vuyanicamet
ous.
Vuyani:
"Nt
ethel
elol
et'
sgoman.
"
Ntet
hel
elostoodup.It'
sli
kehedi
dn'
tknowwhatt
o
dosoIkissedhisl
ips.
Me:
"nai
litbaby"
Ir
ubbedmyst omachandhenoddedandwalkedoff
.
Il
ookedatt
hisAndiswaandshewaslooki
ngatthe
di
rect
ionNt
ethel
elowent
.Iwasboil
inginsi
de.
Mer
cy:
"let
'sgo"
Shenoddedandt
heywal
kedof
f.
Londi
e:"
it
'st
hebi
tch?"
Me:
"yeah.
shel
ookedhi
sdi
rect
ion"
Londi
e:"ofcauset
heyar
efucki
ng"
Me: "Iam gonnaki
llt
hem.Ican'
tbel
ievehe
cheatedwithapig"
Londie:"cal
m downandthi
nkoft
hebaby.Enj
oy
theeventandhavewine"
Me:
"Iwi
ll
."
Wewalkedoff.Iwaslooki
ngherwayandIj
ust
wantt
ostrangl
eherf
orsleepi
ngwit
hmyman.
.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Andi
swawasawf ull
yquiet
.Iknowthatshei
shurt
butt
ryi
ngtoputupastrongfr
ont.Ihel
dherhand
andshelookedatmeandsmiled.
Me:
"ar
eyouok? "
Andi
swa:
"yeahIam ,
wher
eist
hewi
neher
e"
Me:
"youdon'
tdr
ink"
Andi
swa:
"ther
eisaf
ir
stt
imef
orever
ythi
ng"
Shel
etgoofmyhandandwal kedoffasKwando
andVuyaniwi
thNtethel
eloweretal
kingaboutt
he
democarandpeoplelookedi
nter
ested.Sandil
e
cameandheldmywai st.
Sandi
le:
"howi
sshe?"
Me:"sheist
ryi
ngt
oactst
rongbutIknowshe
wantsst
opcry"
Sandi
le:
"wher
eisshe?"
Me:
"tof
indwi
ne"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"letmegoaf
terher"
Sandi
le:
"Gi
vehert
ime."
InoddedandIl
aidmyheadonhi
schest
.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyoubot
h"
Ihopemyf
ri
endr
ecover
sfr
om t
his.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

i
t'
struewhent heysayt hetrut
hwi llal
waysfi
ndit
's
wayout .Ididn'texpectittobethissoonthough.I
wasn'tevenher ebutlookingatherever ymoveand
oureyesmet .Hereyesbecamegl ossyandmy
hear
tbr okeInevermentt obreakherheartor
fi
ndi
ngoutt hisway.Ishoul dhavet ol
dthetr
uth
fr
om thegethobutIwasscar edofl oosi
ngherand
nowIwi lll
ooseherf ormyst upidit
y.Shetal
kedto
Mercyandshewal kedoff.Shel ooksbeaut
if
ulbutI
br
okeher
.
Me:
"Iwi
llbeback"
Isai
dtokwando.
hel
ookedherdi
rect
ion.
Kwando:
"wai
tabi
twear
eal
mostdone"
Ihuf
fedandnoddedandwecar
ri
edonbutmymi
nd
wasn'
tther
enow.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

IfoundwineandIt ooktwoglassesandIdr ank

them.Itwasn'
tsweetwi nebutthebi
tteronebutit'
s
notbitt
ert
hant hewayIam rightnow.Howcoul d
hedomel i
kethat?Ifeelbet
rayedandhur tandI
don'twanttocrybuttearsar
enearmyeyes.Isend
dadamessage.
Me:
"Hel
iedt
omedad"
Ir
emovedthelumpfrom mythr
oatandIf
eltahand
onmyshoulderandItur
ned.
Sandi
le:
"Ar
eyouok?"
Hesai
dlooki
ngatthetwoglassesandIputt
hem
downandtur
nedtohim pl
aster
ingmysmile.
Me:
"Iam"
HehugsmeandIwantt
ocr
y.
Sandi
le:
"cr
y,t
hemakeupi
swat
erpr
oof
."
Il
aughed.
Me:
"howdoyouknow?
"
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cyr
equest
edi
t."
Icri
ed, i
tfeltl
ikeIwasdyi ngat housandtimes.I
l
ovehi m, Isti
lldoandhehur tmelikethat.Coul
dn'
t
hebehonestwi t
hme, di
dheeverf eelt
hesameor
wasi ttotakemypr ideaway.Ican'tbeli
eveIhaveit
tohim andbel ievedeverywor dheeversai dtome.
Itf
eltrealallf
ori ttobeal i
e.Ifeelusedand
damaged.If eel emptyinsi
deme.
Me:
"Why?Whydi
dhedomel
iket
hat?"
Sandi
le:
"Idon'
tknow.Iam sor
ry"
Asobescapesmyl
ipsandmer
cycameandIwi
ped
myt
ear
s.
Mer
cy:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"it
'snotyourf
aul
t."
Iwipedmytear
sandshegavemeami
rr
orandI
fi
xedmysel
f.
Me:
"Ican'
tlethi
mrui
nmydayr
ight?"
Theygavemesadeyes
Me:
"Iam oknow"
Mer
cy:
"it
'sokt
obehur
t"
Iswal
lowedt
hel
umpinmythr
oat.Thechestpai
ns
weret
oomuchandi
t'
sli
keIwoul
ddr opt
heredead.
Me:
"Ineedt
ouset
hebat
hroom "
Iwalkedawayf rom t
hem.Idi dn'
tevenwantt ol ook
hisdirecti
onandbet r
appedinhisli
esagai n.Itook
outmyphoneandIr equested.Icheckedmybag
andther eismoney.Idon'twanttobeher eany
morebecausei t
'skil
li
ngmesl owly.Iwalkedoutof
theplaceandIfeltsomeonehol dmyupperar m and
Icri
ed.
"Andi
swa"
IheldmychestandIj
ustwentdownonmyknees
tr
yingtofi
ndanswer
sonmyown.Whydi dhedo
mel i
kethat?Whydi
dhehurtme?Hecrouched.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryAndi
swa"
Me:"(t
ryi
ngtobr
eath)Idon'
twantyoursor
ri
es
Nt
ethel
elo.Why?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Il
oveyouandInevermentt
ohur
tyou
"
Me:"youhurtme.Iam hurt
ingbecauseofyou.
Youdon'
tlovemedon'
ttellmethatrubbi
sh!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa,
pleasecanIexpl
ain"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"Idon'
twantyourexpl
anat
ion"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam st
il
lyourMbul
azisugarpl
um."
Me:"Idon'
tknowt
hismonst
erwhobr
okeme
i
nfr
ontofme"
Hi
seyeswer
egl
ossy.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
twannal
ooseme"
Me:
"youl
ostmet
hemomentyoul
iedt
ome"
Hehel
dmeasIwast
ryi
ngt
ofi
ghthi
m of
fbuthe
hel
dme.
Ntethel
elo:
"scream hi
tme,shoutatmebutdon'
t
hateme, Il
oveyou,don'tl
eaveme.Iwon'tst
andit,
Me:"
(cr
ying)Youbr
okemeNt et
hel
elo,
yourui
ned
meandithur
tssomuch.Ihat
eyou,Idon'
twant
you"
"Excusemewhati
sgoi
ngonher
e?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"notnowUnat
hi"
Unathi:
"notnowNt
ethel
elo!Whyar
eyouhol
ding
her?"
Amanda:
"ohshutupbi
tch!"
Shemarchedt
owardsusandIpushedNt
ethel
elo
offmeandshesl
appedme.
Unat
hi:
"st
ayawayf
rom myhusbandbi
tch.!
"
Ist
oodupandmyshoeswer eof
f.Iwasboil
ing.I
sl
appedhert
wiceandpeopl
egasped.Sheheldher
cheeksandNt
ethel
elogotbet
weenus.
Me:
"Youshoul
dbesl
appi
ngyourmannotmeNx"
Unat
hi:
"whodoyout
hinkyouar
etohi
tme!
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ladi
es"
Me:"ladi
esamasi mbayaziwenauyangi
jwayel
a
(l
adiesforshi
t,youar
eshitt
ingonme) "
Isl
appedhi
m aswel
l.It
hrewmyheel
sathi
m.
Sandi
le:
"Andi
swacal
m down"
Me:"sandi
leIwantt
ohi
thi
m.Heusedme,
thi
s
bust
ardusedme!"
Amanda:
"Myekeandher
eisagunsi
si(l
eaveher
)"
Shef
iddl
edwi
thherbag.
Mongezi:
"Amanda!"
Hedr
aggedherawayandIcr
iedi
nSandi
le'
sar
ms.
Me:
"Igaveyoual
lofmeNt
ethel
elof
oral
ie!
"
Unat
hi:
"younott
hef
ir
stone"
Mer
cy:
"voet
sek"
Me:
"(choki
ng)Iwasaf
ool"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me: "shutup!Idon'
twannahearyourvoi
ce.You
tookeveryt
hingfrom me.Youtookmypride.Bhut
i
hetookmypr i
de"
Sandi
le:
"It
hinkweshoul
dgo"
Me:"Ihat
eyou,Fuckoutofmyl
if
eNtet
hel
elo
Khumalo,
Icur
sethedayImetyou!"
Sandil
ecarri
edmetothecarcr
yingandheopened
thedoorandgotmeinandMercygotinaswell
.I
l
aidmyheadonherchestandmyheadwas
thr
obbing.
Mer
cy:
"Iam sor
rybabes"
Me:
"ithur
tsMer
cy"
Mer
cy:
"Iknow"
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Idon'tknowwhathur t
s.Inevermentforhert
ofeel
thi
shur t
.ShelookedbrokenandIbrokeher.I
t'
sall
myf ault
.WelefttheDurbanJulyandavideowas
cir
culati
ngtheint
ernet.Iwastaki
ngoffmysuitand
Unathiwasshoutingandt hr
owingthi
ngsatme.
Unat
hi:
"youcheatonmewi
tht
hatt
hingNt
ethel
elo?
"
Shet
hrowsherphoneandi
thi
tsmychest
.
Me:
"cal
m downUnat
hi"
Unat
hi:
"fuckyouwon'
ttel
lmet
ocal
m down!"
Me:
"fuckwhatdoyouwantmet
osay!"
Unathi:
"Ther
easonwhyyoucheat
edonmewi
tha
fatbi
tch!"
Ihel
dherhar
dandl
ookedheri
ntheeyes.
Me: "Andiswai snotafatbit
chdon't,
Imeandon't
evercallherthateveragainyouhearme?Iam
gonnamar r
yhersogetr idofwhateverat
ti
tudeyou
haveUnat
hi"
Il
etgoofherhandsandshepunchesmychest
.
Unat
hi:
"whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
hist
ome?"
Me:"youpushedmeatsomepoi
ntandyou'
re
pushi
ngitasnow"
Icar
ri
edherandputheront
hebedandshecr
ied.I
ki
ssedhercheek.
Me:
"cal
m down"
Unat
hi:
"whyar
eyougonnamar
ryher?"
Me:
"Il
oveher"
Unat
hi:
"youdon'
tlovemeanymor
e?"
Me:
"Ido.Il
oveyoubot
h"
Unat
hi:
"wear
ehavi
ngababy"
Iwr
apmyar
msar
oundher"
Me:
"Iknow.Sl
eep"
Unat
hi:
"youwon'
tleaveme?
"
Me:
"no"
Shesnuggl
edcl
oser
Unat
hi:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

WegothomeandIwentst r
aighttomyroom andI
shutthedoorandl ockedit.Iwentdownonmybut
andIjustcri
edandl eteveryt
hingout.Itfel
tsobad
asmychestwasbur ni
ng.Icoul dn'
tholdinhow
hurtandbrokenIfeel.Itr
ustedhim buthewas
feedi
ngmel ies.Myphoner anganditwashi m.I
rej
ectedi
tandbl ockedhim everywhere.
Icanblockhi
m butIcan'
tbl
ocktheloveIhavefor
him.Hemademef al
ldeepforhim whenheknewit
wasallagame.Ilai
donthefloorif
eltcol
dand
empty.
.
.
"Bal
loonsar
edef
lat
ed
Guesst
heyl
ookl
if
elessl
ikeme
Wemi
ssyouonyoursi
deoft
hebed,
mmh
St
il
lgotyourt
hingsher
e
They'
rest
ari
ngatmel
ikesuvenear
Don'
twannal
etyououtofmyhead
Feel
sli
ket
hedayt
hatImetyou
ThedayIt
houghtf
orever
Saygott
oloveme
Butt
heywon'
tlastf
orneverf
orever
I
t'
scol
dout
side
Li
ket
hewayyouwal
kedoutofmyl
if
e
Whyyouwal
kedoutofmyl
if
e..
..
."
Tearsst
reamedmor ewhenIwaspl ayingthatsong.
Ifel
tcol
dasIam cur l
eduponthef l
oor.Itfel
treal
,i
twasallreal.Tomei twasal
lreal,
fr
om thetouch
tothewordsbutitwasn't,
i
twasjust..
...
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
23] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t33

*
MERCY*

Icouldn'tsleeplastnight.Ikeptongoingand
checkingonAndi swabutherdoorwasl ocked.
Sandilesaidt hatIshouldletherbefornowandi n
themor ningIwi llgocheckonher .Ili
stenedtohim
butIwasn' tthereatall.Iwokeupt hi
smor ni
ngand
i
t'saSunday.Igotof fthebedandkissedSandile'
s
cheekandIwentt ot
akeashower .AfteroneIgot
dressedandIwentt oAndiswa'sroom andI
knocked.
Me:
"Nono"
Si
lence.Iknockedagai
n
Me:
"Andi
swai
t'
smeMer
cypl
easel
etmei
n"
Nothi
ng.Isi
gnedandl eanedonthedoorand
breat
hedout
.Iturnedandwal keddownthest
air
s
andwenttotheki
tchen.Imadesomebr eakf
ast
andaddedpancakesforher.Someoneheldme
fr
om behi
ndandkissedmyneck.
Sandi
le:
"youl
eftmei
nthecol
d"
Me:
"Icoul
dn'
tsl
eepanymor
esoIwokeup"
Sandi
le:
"shedoesn'
twantt
oopent
hedoor?"
Me:
"yes.Iam wor
ri
ed"
Sandi
le:
"it
'sunder
standabl
e"
Heki
ssedmyl
ips.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou"
HehuggedmeandIsi
ghed.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

IdidhearMer cyaskingmet oopent hedoorbutI

don'twanthert oseemet hi
sweak.If eelempty
sti
llandcol d.Isleptont hefloor
.Il ookedatmyself
i
nt hemi rrorandIwasamess.It ookof ft
hedress
andi tdroppedt othef l
oorandItiedt heweaveinto
abunandIwentt ot akeashower .Af terItookoneI
gotoutandIgotdr essedinsweat pantsanda
hoodi e.Hishoodi e,IgotinbedandIhel donthe
pi
ll
owandIcr iedmysel f.
WhydoIsti
lll
ovehim,Ishoul
dhatehi
mf orwhathe
didt
ome.Hebr okeme, If
eelbr
okenandIdon'
t
knowifIwi
llr
ecover
.
.
.
*MERCY*

Sandi
lehel
pedmewi
thf
ini
shi
ngupbr
eakf
astandI
madeagr easyoneforandi
swaandf reshorange
j
uice.Igavehim hi
sbreakf
astandheki ssedmy
cheekandIsmiled.Thedoorbel
lrangandIl ooked
athim anherai
sedhishands.
Sandi
le:
"Idi
dn'
tcal
lanyone"
Me:"Ihopeitai
n'tPear
l.Iam noti
nthemoodt
o
t
alktoher"
Sandi
le:
"Iwi
llsor
titout"
Hewalkedt
othelounge.Itookat
rayandhe
wal
kedbackint
hekitchenandmyfacetur
nedsour
.
Me:"whati
shedoingher
e?!Getoutyouhavedone
enoughdamage!
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ineedt
otal
ktoAndi
swa"
Me:
"andf
eedhermor
eli
e.Noni
ggagetout!"
Sandi
le:
"cal
m downandl
ett
hem t
alk"
Me:
"wenaungazi
ngeni(you,
don'
tgeti
nvol
ved)
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"youaswel
l,
Mer
cyIam j
usther
etot
alk
t
oAndiswa"
Me:
"Heeh"
Iwentt
otheut
ensi
lsdr
awandt
ookmykni
fe.
Me:"Iwi
llcountt
othr
eeandIwantyououtorIwi
ll
st
abyoutodeath"
Sandi
le:
"ther
eisnoneedf
ort
hat
.Manpl
ease
l
eave"
Hesighedandtur
nedar
oundandAndi
swawas
st
andingther
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Andi
swa:
"whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
eNt
ethel
elo?
"
Hervoi
cewasf
aint
.Iputt
hekni
fedown
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantt
ospeakt
oyou"
Andi
swa:
"aboutwhat?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwanttoexpl
ain,
IknowIshoul
dhave
t
oldyouthetr
uthbutIwasafr
aid"
Sheshookherheadwi
tht
ear
sandmyhear
tbr
oke.
Sandi
le:
"let
'st
akeadr
iveabi
t."
Me:
"Iam notl
eavi
nghi
m her
e."
Sandi
le:"Mer
cy"
HetookmyhandandIgaveNtet
hel
eloadeat
h
st
areandIhuggedAndi
swa.
Me:
"itwi
llbeokmnt
ase."
ShenoddedcryingandIwashear
tbroken.Weleft
them i
nther
eandwegoti nt
hecaranddr oveof
fto
Gatewaymall.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Shehasn'tst
oppedcryi
ngsi
ncetheylef
t.Imoved
for
wardtowardsherandshespoke.
Andi
swa:
"don'
tcomeanycl
ose"
IdisobeyedandImovedclosertoherti
llIgent
ly
holdherinmyembr aceandshewetmychestand
hersobsbr okemyheart
.Ifoundtear
snear i
ngmy
eyes
Me:"Iam sor
ryAndi
swa.Iam sor
ryforputt
ingyou
i
nthispai
n.Ineveri
ntendedt
ohurtyou."
Andi
swa:
"youarelyingNtet
hel
elo,
youint
endedon
hur
ti
ngme.Ifyoudidn'tt
henwhyam Ihur
ting?
"
Shel
etoutashar
psobandIcl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:"Iwasn'
thonestwi
thyouIknow.Iwasscared
t
hatyouwon'tgi
veusachance,Andi
swaIdon'
t
wanttol
ooseyou.Itki
ll
smethatyouar
ehurti
ng
l
iket
his"
Sheremovedher
sel
ffr
om mychestandIki
ssedher
for
eheadandIwi
pedhert
ear
s.
Me:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swa,
Iam sor
ry."
Andiswa:"IwanttohateyousomuchbutIcan'
t,I
can'
terasetheloveIhaveforyou.Youmadei
tthi
s
deepthatIam sinki
nginit"
Ilaidmyforeheadonhersasshecri
ed.Hersobs
andcr i
edtearedmeapart,
mychestwasaching.I
kissedhernoseandthenherl
ipsandshe
responded
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
Heki ssedmeandIr esponded.If eell i
ket hi
sisall
abaddr eam.ThatIwi llwakeupandt hisisnota
realit
ybuther ei tis.Myboyf ri
endi sSomeone
else'shusband.Af at hert obeandIam t hehome
wr ecker.Thesi dechi ck, Ineveri nvisionedt hatmy
fi
rstlovewoul dbel iket his.Hel i
est omeand
mademeaf ool.If eelusedbutwhydoIl ovehim
stil
l?WhydoIbel ievei tever ymomentheut ter
s
thosewor dsIloveyouandIf eeli t.Thathemeans
i
t,Am Iaf ool?Am i naïvet othinkandbel i
evehi m
evenaf t
erIknowhi sl ies.Hi shandgoest omy
wai st.Histouchget smeEver yti
me.Thr oughpai n
aswel li
tseemst osoot hme.Hepi cksmeupandI
wr apmyl egsar oundhi st orsoandhewal kstot he
diningr oom andpl acesmeont hatt able.Heki sses
myneckandIhol dont ohi s.Hi ski ssessendsa
thousandshi ver sdownmyspi ne.Iam dr enchedi n
hisspi cycolognet hatIl ove.Hel ooksatmeand
kissesmeandIi magi nehi sdimpl es.Thedi mples
thatmademef allforhi m.Theseki ndoft ouches
thatmakesmef allevenmor e.Someonesaveme!
PleasesavemebecauseIam f all
inginsi
dethepit
again!Slowlybutsurelymycl otheswer enowhere
i
nsi t
ebutwar mthandf uzzbui
ltupi nme.He
penetrat
esmeandIgaspedi npleasur eandI
l
ookedathi m.Thef i
rstti
mewemetcameback.
Howhesmi ledatmeandchar medme.Thousand
reasonswhyIf elli
nlovewi t
hhi m.Ibi tmybott
om
l
ipashet hrustedreachingforwhat '
sdeepwi t
hin
mysoul .
Ntethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryMaBhengu,
Inevermentt
o
hurtyou"
Hehol
dsmywai
standpul
lsmebyt
heedgeoft
he
t
abl
e.
Ntethelelo:"GodknowsInevermentt ohurtyou.I
can'tlooseyou, Idon'twantt olooseyouever.I fi
t
takesyear sforyout oforgiveme, it
'sok.Ifyoujust
herewi thme.Il oveyouAndi swafrom themoment
Ilaidmyeyesonyou.For giveMbul aziwakho
forgiveyourMnt ungwacauseIknowIcan' tl
ive
withoutyoui nmyl i
fe."
Het
hrust
eddeeper
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam your
s"
Tear
slef
tmyeyesandsowashi
s.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam Your
sAndi
swa"
Me:
"you'
remi
neNt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Nooneel
se"
Me:
"nooneel
se.
Iwasl
osti
nthemoment
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
23] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t34

Ican'
tbeli
evet
hatIsl
eptwi
thhi
m.Igaveint
ohim
soeasil
y,Andi
swahowstupi
dcanyoube.Thi
s
mani shurti
ngyouandj ustkeepongoingbackon
thehurt.Isi
tdownont hebedandIcr i
edmyself.I
j
ustcamef rom theshowerandIam i natowel
alone.Ichasedhi m awayaf t
erbecauseIdon't
wantt oseehim.If eell
ikeheisusingmeher eand
dumpAndi swai sfall
ingforeveryt
hing.Myphone
ri
ngsandi t
'sdad.Ihaven' tspokentohim si
nce
FridayandImi sshim.Iwanthi mt obeheretohold
meandhushmel ikealways.Itakemyphoneand
answerburstingintotears.
Dad:
"it
'sokangel"
Me:
"daddyi
thur
ts.Hehur
tme."
Dad:
"Iam sor
ryhoney.I
twi
llbeok"
Me:
"Iwantt
ohat
ehi
m dad."
Dad:
"don'
tchangethewayyouar
ebecauseofa
man,
youarenotbit
ter"
Iwassi
lent
Dad:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"baba(dad)
Dad:
"buyaekhayamanj
esekwanel
enemanj
e
ngif
unaUmntanami(comebackhomenow.I
t'
s
enough,
Iwantmychil
dbacknow)"
Me:
"Iwi
llbebackt
oday.Myf
li
ghti
sat15h00"
Dad:
"ok,Il
oveyou.Don'
tletyoursecondl
ove
br
eakyou"
Me:
"whoi
smyf
ir
st?"
Dad:
"Me"
Il
aughed
Me:
"andyouar
ethebestl
oveIhaveeverhad"
Dad:
"Good.Comehome"
Me:
"thankyou"
Dad:
",i
t'
spar
tofbei
ngaf
ather"
Me:"f
orever
ythi
ngdad.Ial
waysf
eelbl
essedwi
th
you"
Dad:"IknewthemomentIhel
dyoui
nmyar
mst
hat
youaretheone"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"okl
etmegetdr
essedandcomehome."
Dad:
"okmyangel"
HehungupandIf el
tabitbetter.Notentir
elybutI
wasabi tbett
er.Itookmysui tcaseandt ookout
cl
othestowear, andIgotdr essedi njeanswith
sneaker
sandal ongsleevet-shirtandIpacked
awayeverythi
ng.Ther ewasaknockont hedoor
anditopenedandMer cypeakedi n.
Mer
cy:
"canIcomei
n?"
Inoddedandshewal
kedi
nsi
dehol
dingaLi
ndt
chocol
ate.
Mer
cy:
"Iboughtt
hisf
oryou"
Me:
"thankyou"
It
ooki
t.
Mer
cy:
"ar
eyouok?
"
Isi
ghedandsatont
hebed.Shesatnextt
omeand
Il
aidmyheadonherthi
ghs.
Me:
"Ithur
tsr
eal
ly,
Itr
ust
edhi
m anl
ovedhi
m."
Mer
cy:
"youhat
ehi
m now?"
Ishookmyheadandsi
ghed.
Me:
"Ist
il
llovehi
m."
Mercy:
"under
standabl
e,whatar
eyougonnado
now.?"
Me:
"Iwi
llgohomeandcr
yindad'
schest"
Mer
cy:
"yourdadwon'
tdat
eukhona(wi
thyou
t
her
e)"
Weshar
edal
augh.
Me:
"thanksmnt
ase."
Mer
cy:
"anyt
ime"
Wehuggedandper
kedeachot
her
'sl
ips
"Angisayi
thandil
ehyomaqabul
ana(Idon'
tli
ket
his
one,whereyoukisseachot
her)"
Welaughanditwassandi
le.Hesatbet
weenus
andpull
edusbotht
ohischest.
Sandi
le:
"Myf
ir
stwi
fe"
Mer
cy:
"yes?
"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Sandi
le:
"Secondwi
fe"
Hepul
ledmyear
.
Me:
"ouch"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
MercyandIlookedateachotherandwepushed
hi
mt olayonthebedandwet ookoffourshoes
qui
cklyandjumpedont hebed.
Us:
"wel
oveyout
oo"
Hechuckl
ed.
Sandi
le:
"thedayImar
ri
edki
ds"
West
oppedandl
ookedathi
m.
Mer
cy:
"don'
tst
art
."
Il
aughedandgotofthebedandwesharedagroup
hug.WhydoIneedhislovewhenIhavet
hiski
nd
fr
om peopl
ethathavemyback.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Iam sureNt
ethelelowenttoherbecauseher
becausewhenIwokeupt hebedwasempt y.Iwas
i
naphonecal lwithmom voici
ngoutmyangerat
howhewoulddi srespectmeli
kethat.
Mom :
"thi
sgi
rlseemst
obeapr
obl
em "
Me:"yousee,GodIwil
lnotletanyf
atthi
ngcome
andtakeNt
ethel
eloawayfrom me.Itwil
lbeacol
d
dayi
nhell"
Isai
dthatwhi
lepaci
ngupanddownt
hehot
elr
oom.
Mom :
"cal
m downbabyhel
ovesyou"
Me:
"hel
oveshert
oo.Hewant
stomar
ryher"
Mom :
"letmommyt
akecar
eofever
ythi
ng."
Me:
"ok"
Mom :
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Thedooropenedandhewal
kedi
nsi
ghi
ng.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogomom "
Ihungupandhet
ookof
fhi
swat
ch
Me:
"wher
edoyoucomef
rom ?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"(chuckl
ing)youevenhavet
heaudaci
tyt
otel
l
me"
Ntethel
elo:
"l
yinggotmei
nthi
sshi
tsowhycar
ryon
doingthat"
Me:
"doyoul
oveme?"
Hesi
ghs.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whendi
dyoust
artquest
ioni
ngmyl
ove
?"
Me:"Si
nceyoust
art
edcheat
ingwi
tht
hatf
att
hing
!"
Hel
ookedatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wear
eleavi
ngpackup"
Hewal
kedt
owar
dst
hebat
hroom.
Me:
"soyouar
egonnai
gnor
eme!"
Ithr
ewmyphoneathi
m andi
tandl
andedonhi
s
back.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"packupsowecanl
eave"
Me:
"fuckyouok!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
Hewalkedinthebat
hroom andIscr
eamedand
st
art
edkicki
ngstuff
.Ntet
helel
oismakingmeso
mad..
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Notalotofmencoul dtol
eratewhatUnathidoesbut
Ido,becauseIloveherbutitget
stomeasaman
thatIneedrespectaswell.TherespectthatIhave
neverhadinar el
ati
onshipunti
lAndiswai nt
roduced
i
ttomeandmademef eelli
keone.ForonceIf elt
l
ikear ealmanwheniam wi thher.IsighandIt ake
abathandt hereaft
erIgetout.Iwrapat owel
aroundmywai standshehasmessedupt hehot el
room.Ij ustt
akeoutmyclothesandlot
ionbef
oreI
getdressed.Iam drai
nedandIam notaboutt
o
enter
tainUnathi
'
st ant
rumstoday.
Me:
"ar
eyoudone?"
Shecli
ckshertongueandwal ksoutandItakethe
bags.Ienduppayi ngamor eamountsinceshe
damagedsomest uf
fandItookourluggagetothe
car.Igoti
nandt hedri
verdroveusofftotheair
port
.
Onethingi
sthatIwon'tgi
veuponAndi swaevenifI
wantedto.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

assoonasthecabgothomeIjustrushedoutand
dadwaswaiti
ngformebythegateandwehugged
andIcr
ied.Heheldmybackandr ubbedit
.
Dad:
"it
'sokangel,
daddyhasgotyou"
Hewipedmytearsandwetookmybagsandwe
madeourwayinsi
de.Aunt
yJabul
il
ehuggedmeas
soonasIwal
kedi
n.
Jabul
il
e:"Ishoul
dhaveknownhowhandsomehe
l
ookedthathewouldhur
tyou"
Si
yamt
handa:
"whatdi
dhedo?"
Me:
"hel
iest
ome.Hei
smar
ri
ed"
Jabul
il
e:"ohmyGod.Comeher
e"
Shesuf
focat
edmei
nahug.
Me:
"Ican'
tbr
eat
h"
Jabul
il
e:"ohsor
rynono"
Dad:"Iwil
lmakesomet eaf
oryouandyouwi
ll
sl
eepwithmetonight"
Ismi
led
Me:
"Iwoul
dlovet
hat
"
Hekissedmyf orehead.Hetookmysui t
caseand
wentwithi
ttowar dsthebedrooms.Isatdownand
auntJabul
il
ejoinedmeandIl ai
dmyheadonher
chest
.
Jabul
il
e:"i
twi
llbeok"
Iam happyt
hatIam home.IknowIwi llf
eelbet
ter
.
Ij
usthavetocutmytieswit
hNt et
helel
othat'
sal
l.
Thoughitwoul
dbehar dbutIhaveto.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
24] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t35

Iwokeupear l
ytodayanddadwasn' tnexttome, I
knewt hathehasl eftforwor k.SoIgotupand
cleanedupandt henIwentt oboi
lwaterforbathi
ng
,Examsar eappr oachingandIdon' twanttoslack.I
havet ograduatenextyearf ormetobebetter.I
havet ofocusonschoolandmyf amilyaswel l
.The
kettl
ecli
ckedandIt ooki tandwenttobath.I
l
ot i
onedaf t
erandgotdr essedwarmlyandIl etmy
weaveloosebef
oret
aki
ngmybagandwalktothe
ki
tchen.If
oundaunt
yJabul
il
edr
inki
ngcof
fee.She
wasinhergown.
Jabul
il
e:"mor
ningNono"
Me:
"Mor
ningaunt
yJabs.I
sSi
yamt
handaasl
eep?
"
Jabul
il
e:"Youknowherandsl
eep.
"
Ichuckl
edandIt
ookanappl
efr
om t
hef
ri
dgeandI
washedit.
Jabul
il
e:"Don'
tyouwantmet
omakebr
eakf
astf
or
you?"
Me:
"not
hankyou.Ihavet
ogetgoi
ng."
ShenoddedandIwavedandwal kedoutt ocatcha
taxitowor k.Iwasl ooki
ngout si
det hewi ndow
thinkingofunknownt hi
ngs.Isi ghed.Lifewasonce
sobl issf
ulandst ressfr
eeunt i
lIfellinlove.The
hear tisabitchshameatt imescausei tbetraysyou.
Itookanot heronebef oreIgottoVol kswagen
,Wher ei
tallstar
ted.Iwalkedt owar dsthebui l
ding
andIwentt oTr i
stan'
soffi
ce.Iknockedandacome
i
nwasannouncedandIwal kedi nandhel i
ft
edhi s
headwi
thasmi
le.
Tri
stan:"Iam sousedtospendi
ngweekendswi
th
youitfel
tli
keIhaven'
tseenyouinsol
ong"
Hehasn'
tseent
hevi
deoIpr
esume.
Me:
"Yeahwel
l.Uhm i
sMrKhumal
oin"
Tri
stan:
"Iknow.Ij
ustdon'
twantt
oaddont
he
pai
n"
Me:
"soyousawt
hevi
deo?
"
Tr
ist
an:"yes.Everyonei
stalki
ngabouti
tandboy
onTwit
tertheyareroast
ingyou."
Ir
aisedmybr
ow.
Me:
"ohw"
Iswal
lowed.
Tr
ist
an:
"yeah."
Iam gladinawayIwasn' tacti
veonsocialmedi
a.I
tookouttheenvelopefrom mybagandpl acedi
ton
histabl
e.Iam alsogladt hatIalwaysmakeacopy
ofthiswhenIstartworking.
Tr
ist
an:
"whati
sthi
s?"
Me:
"it
'ssomet
hing.Ihavet
oleave.Gr
eetAmber
f
orme"
Iwalkedoutofhisoff
ice,IwenttoNtethel
elo'
s
off
iceandIdidn'
tevenknockIjustwalkedinandhe
washi sbr
otherAyanda.Hestoodupf r
om hischai
r.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Pl
easesi
tdown,
HiAyanda"
Ayanda:
"HiAndi
swa,
howar
eyou?"
Hel
ookedbet
weenmeandNt
ethel
elo.
Me:
"Iam goodt
hankyouandyour
sel
f?"
Ayanda:
"al
waysgood,
letmegi
veyoupr
ivacy"
Me:"noIwon'
tbel
ongandsor
ryf
ort
hewayI
camein"
Ayanda:
"it
'sok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
"
Andi
swa"
Tr
ist
anwal
kedi
n.
Tr
ist
an:
"Whati
sthi
s?"
Hesai
dwavi
ngt
hel
ett
eri
ntheai
r.
Me:
"Iam r
esi
gni
ngMrBr
own.Iam qui
ti
ng"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Woahwhyar
eyouqui
ti
ng?"
Me:"Ican'
twor
kwithyou.Idon'
twannaseeyou
andIwannacutt
ieswit
hyou.Thisisourl
ast
i
nter
acti
on"
Tr
ist
an:
"Wher
edoIent
eri
nthi
ssi
tuat
ion?"
Me:
"Tr
ist
an"
Ayanda:
"canyouexcuseusmyguy"
Tr
ist
anmarchedoutangr
yafterthr
owingt
helet
ter
onNtet
hel
elo'
stabl
e.Hetookitandri
ppedit
.
Me:
"whatar
eyoudoi
ng?"
Ntet
hel
elo:"youar
enotl
eavi
ng,youwant
edyour
i
ndependencenowyoumaint
ainit"
Me:
"youar
esuchabum yazi"
Ayandal
aughed.
Ayanda:
"It
'scut
ewhatyouguysar
edoi
ng"
Iplacedmyhandont
het
abl
eandl
ookedhi
mint
he
eye.
Me:"IdowhatIwantt
oandyouwon'tt
ellmeany
t
hingaboutt
hat
.Iam leavi
ngandst
ayoutofmy
l
if
e"
Heleanedf
orwar
dst
andi
ngupandhi
sfacewas
i
nchesaway.Hewassmir
king.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"ToobadIam t
ooat
tachedt
oyout
o
l
eaveyoual
one"
Me:
"Tohel
lwi
thyouNt
ethel
elo"
Heperkedmyli
psandIr
aisedmyhandt
osl
aphi
m
butst
opped.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"unt
ilyoumi
ne."
Hewi nkedandIcl
ickedmytongueandwalkedout
bangingthedoor
.Peoplewerelooki
ngatmeandI
di
dn'tcare.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
.
.
Iwasst i
lll
ooki
ngatt hedoorasshebangeditandI
chuckled.Iwon'tgi
veuponAndi swasheshould
thinkagainbutIwil
lgivehert
imetothi
nkandheal
from al
lofthi
s.
Ayanda:"
Thatwasanalmostl
ivepor
nmoment
.I
wasreadytomuster
bat
e"
Me:
"noti
nmyof
fi
ce."
Ayanda:
"spwhatar
eyougonnado?"
Me:"Iwil
lgi
vehersomet
imebutIwantt
ogetmy
uncl
e'
sready"
Ayanda:"
youwil
lmar
ryher?Whati
fsher
eject
s
you.Gi
vehert
ome"
Hesai
dll
aughi
ng
Me:
"Youcant
akeUnat
hi"
Hest
opped.
Ayanda:
"woahdi
dIheart
hatr
ight?"
Me:
"what?
"
Ayanda:
"youchoosi
ngsomeoneel
seoverUnat
hi"
Me:
"di
dIsayt
hat?"
If
rowned.
Ayanda:
"Don'
tpl
aywi
thme"
WelaughedandIt
ookt
hepaper
sandIt
hrewt
hem
i
nthebin.
Ayanda:
"wehaveameet
ingwi
tht
hear
chi
tect
ure"
Me:"Muziwil
lhandl
ethat
.Whatdi
dthel
and
sur
veyorsay?"
Ayanda:
"Hegaveusagoahead"
Me:
"Goodt
hen"
Iopenedmyl
apt
opandhel
ookedatme.
Me:
"what?"
Ayanda:"youdumbatt
imes.Idi
dtel
lyout
obe
honestwit
hher"
Isi
ghed.Wi
thAyandai
twi
llbeal
ongdayahead.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ntet
helel
odoesn'ttakemeser i
ousl
yIsee.Nxwhy
am Ievenspit
tingouthisnameoutofmymout h.
Whyam Ist il
lthi
nkingoffhi
m.Myphoner angand
i
twasKhul uza.OhgodhowImi sshersomuch.I
answeredit
.
Me:
"Khul
uza"
Khul
uza:
"youdon'
tvi
sitanymor
eAndi
swa"
Ikeptqui
et
Khul
uza:
"howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam goodKhul
uzahowar
eyou?"
Khul
uza:
"Iam ok,
cal
lAndi
swacal
l"
Me:"Iwil
lcal
lKhul
uza,
i
t'
sjustt
hatmyl
if
ehas
beenver
ybusy"
Khul
uza:
"toobusyt
opi
ckupt
hephone"
Ikeptqui
et.
Khul
uza:
"Iseeyouar
ebei
ngqui
ett
oomuch"
Me:
"Il
oveyouKhul
uzaandIpr
omi
set
ocal
l"
Khul
uza:
"that
'sal
lIneededt
ohear"
Ismi
led.
Khul
uza:
"Iseeyouar
ebusy.Iwi
llcal
llat
er"
Me:
"okbye"
ShehungupandIbr eathedoutfeel
ingbad.Now
whatam Igoi ngt odo, Ihavetostar
tapplyi
ngfor
newwor kposi ti
onsbutwher edoIstart
.Justf
ora
fewmont hstillIam donewi t
hschoolri
ght?
Ntethel
eloj usttunedmyl i
feupsi
dedown.IwishI
didn'
tfallforhi m honestly.It
ookataxiandwentto
themal ljusttohavesomeal oneti
meandeatsome
i
cecr eam asdepr essedasIam .
.
.
*
Mont
hsl
ater*

*
UNATHI*
Ihadameet i
ngwit
htheplannerearl
iert
oplanmy
babyshowerandalsoplanour5thyearanni
versary
dinner.Iwantustostandoutandithastobever y
muchper fect
.Wewereintheoutsi
degardenwi t
h
ZamaandLondi ewhil
ehavingsomeiceteaas
springhasenter
ed.
Londi
e:"sohaveyoufoundthevenueofwher
eyou
wanttodoyourbabyshower?"
Me:"Iwast
hinki
ngwegot
oDur banorCapet
own
andhir
eayat
chandhavei
tther
e."
Londi
e:"oouhper
fect"
Zama:
"whati
sthegender?"
Me:"that
'swhenIwil
ldoagenderr
eveal
,butsi
nce
youguysaremyfri
endswearehavi
ngapr i
ncess"
Londi
e:"t
hat
'sshoppi
ng!
"
Shesqueel
edandIgi
ggl
ed
Me:
"yesnowIwi
llhaveashoppi
ngpar
tner"
Nt
ethel
eloi
ncr
easedmyl
imi
ttoR10000,
Iam not
happyst
il
lbutIwi
llgetever
ythi
ngoncet
hebabyi
s
here.
Zama:"(si
ppi
ng)Sohowar
ethi
ngssi
ncet
he
DurbanJul
yinci
dent?
"
Ir
oll
edmyeyes.
Me:"hehasbeenworki
ngmorebuthesti
llgoest
o
appoi
ntmentswi
thmeanddoesmaketimef orme.
Thesi
dechickqui
tandshedi
dagoodjob"
Zama:
"maybehel
ovesher"
Londi
e:"st
opt al
kingrubbi
shZama,
hel
ovesUnat
hi.
Nohoewi l
ltakeyourcrown"
Me:
"gott
hatr
ight"
WetoastedandZamajustshookherhead.Her
phonerangandshest
oodupandwal kedoff
.
Londi
e:"yourf
ri
endi
sst
art
ingt
oir
ri
tat
eme"
Shegul
pedt
hewi
nedown
Me:
"met
oo"
Irubbedmyst omach.Iam neverget
ti
ngpregnant
again.Iam get
ti
ngfatnowandIdon'tli
kei
t.Iwill
j
usthavemywombr
emovedt
hat
sal
l.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
24] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t36

*
ANDI
SWA*

"
Andi
swa"
Iopenedmyeyesandt heymetdad.Iwasdead
ti
redandmybodyi snotusedtowhatwedid
yester
day.Worki
ngdoubleshif
tist
oomuchat
ti
mesbutagirlhasgottoworkherway.Isatup
andhehandedteatomeandIt hankedhi
m.
Dad:
"youevenhaveeyebags"
Isi
ppedonmyt
ea.
Me:
"it
'snot
hingser
ious."
Dad:
"youshoul
dqui
t"
Me:
"Ican'
tdad"
Dad: "youwillbegraduati
ngsoonsowhydon'
tyou
takethatasabr eakandletmetakecar
eof
everythi
ng,youoverwor kyour
sel
f."
Me:
"Iam f
inedad"
Isi
ppedonmyt
ea.
Dad:
"Il
eftsomebr
eakf
astf
oryou"
Me:
"thanksdad.Il
oveyou"
Dad:
"Il
oveyoumor
eangel"
Heki ssedmyf oreheadandhewal kedout .Igotof f
thebedandwentt oboi lwatertobathsot hatIcan
sleep.It ookmyphoneandIj ustscroll
edon
Instagram.Idon' thaveanact iveaccountbutIgo
thereever ynowandt hen.Iseeapi ctureofUnat hi
andIcl ickoni tandshel ooksbeautiful,pregnancy
i
ssui ti
ngherver ywell.IclickonheraccountandI
j
ustscr ol landshelivesthelif
eshame.Herf riends
aswel landIsee.Pi ctureofherandNt ethelel
oand
myhear tski
psabeat ."5Year sandstil
lgoing.I
willal
waysloveyou, not
hingcancomebet weenus
".Thatwashercapt i
on.Peopl ecomment edwow
andcongr at
ulatedherandIl i
kedthepictureti
llsaw
acommentsur elywasdirectedtomei naway.Her
fr
iendLondiehadcomment ed."Congrat
sf r
iend,I
am sohappyf oryouandyesnot hingcancome
betweenyou, evenfatWethoes"
Ohl
iket
hatnow?Theket
tl
ecl
icked.
Unat
hi:
"yesbabes,notevenPhumbasl
iket
hat
Andi
swacantakemyman.Imeanyoucan' t
compar
ethati
tallaboutpussy"
Theyshar
edalaughandpeopl
ecomment ed.
Sayi
nghowmuchofahomewr eckerIam .I
commentedaswell
.
"Wellstaywat
choft hosenothi
ng'
s.Don'
tboastt
oo
ear
lysisishemightsurpr
iseyou"
Igotoffherpage.Iscr ol
leddownonmyphone.I
wasangr yreallyandIdon'tevenknowwherethi
s
angerIsurfacingfrom.Iunblockedanddial
edhis
number .Itrangonceandi twasanswered.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
..
..
"
Me: "
Ntethel
eloli
stenhereandlistenoncebecause
Iam gonnasayt hisonce.Iam notscaredofyour
wif
ebutIr especther.Youaretheonewhowr onged
herandme, Ididn'
tbutifshewillgoonwi t
hthis
chi
ldishbehaviouronsocialmediawithherfr
iendsI
wil
lshowherwhoIam.Gadaumgodoyiwakho
engazealumekenx(hol dyourdogonal eash
befor
esheget sbitten)"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swacal
m down"
Iwasbr
eat
hingheavi
lyt
ryi
ngt
ocal
m downwhi
le
paci
ngupanddown.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyoucal
m?"
Me:
"whyam Ist
il
loncal
lwi
thyou?"
Ihungupandcli
ckedmytongue.It
ookthewater
andIwenttot
akeabathandaft
erIgoti
npyjamas
andIgott
osleep.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
AfterAndi swahunguponme.I thasbeenmont hs
ofmet ryi
ngtogethol dofher .Ididn'
twanttopush
myl imitatthemomentsoIj ustwenttosocial
medi a.Idon'tevenhavet imef orit
.IsawUnat hi'
s
ti
mel ineandIdi dn'tapproveatal l.Whatmademe
smi l
et houghisAndi swa'sresponse.Soshest il
l
want sme.Ispunar oundf rom mychai randIjust
si
ghed.Honest lyIhaveneverf eltsomiserabl
ein
myl if
ewi thouther.YesIshoul dbelookingfor
ward
i
nt hebi rt
hofourpr incessandouranni ver
sarybut
ahugepar tofmei smi ssing. Iwentthr
oughher
picturesonmyphone.Ist illhavethem
Me:
"Ti
llyoumi
ne"
Ist
oodupandt
ookmycarkeysandIwal
kedout
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Il
ookedatmyphoneandshehast
heaudaci
tyt
o
saywhatshesai
dtome?Shedoesn'tknowme
real
ly.It
ookmybagandphoneandstoodup.
Londi
e:"wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?"
Me:
"todosomet
hingIshoul
dhavel
ongdone"
Iwalkedoutandwentt omycarandIgoti nand
droveof f.Iplayedsomemusi cinmycar .My
phonewasr ingingbutIi gnoredi tanditbecame
si
lent.Idr ovetoMamel odiandIgott hereandI
stayedi nmycarabi tbef oreIgotof fandmademy
wayi nsidetheyar d.Siesshel i
vesinsuchapl ace,
Ntethelelodiddowngr adeher e.Iam surei tsmel
ls
here.Ifeelsodi sgustedt obei ncompet i
tionwith
such.Iknockedont hedoorl oudenoughandI
couldhearhert al
king.
Andi
swa:
"ei
shwhoi
sit!?
"
Sheopenedt
hedoorandl
ookedatme.Ipushed
heri
nandmademywayi n.
Andi
swa:
"Ipr
esumeyoul
ostyourwayhome."
t
urni
ngt
ofaceherandIsl
appedhershechuckl
ed.
Andi
swa:
"canIhel
pyou?"
Me:
"youhavenoner
vewant
ingamar
ri
edman"
Shef
oldedherar
ms.
Andiswa:"poi
ntofcor
rect
iont
hatmar
ri
edman
wantsthi
s,whenyougosomewheregetyourf
act
s
ri
ght"
Me:
"nxst
ayawayf
rom hi
m"
Andi
swa: "
keephi
minal
eashandhewi
llst
ayaway
,nowleave"
ShegavemealookandIcli
ckedmytongueandI
wal
kedtowar
dsthedoorandshehel
dit.
Andi
swa:"
becar
efulhowyouspeaktopeopl
enext
t
imeort
hismanofyours.Youwil
lloose"
Sheshutthedoori
nmyfaceandIgroaned.Fuck
her!IwenttomycarandIcall
edmom.I fwhyto
voi
cemailandIgoti
nmycaranddroveof.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
Istart
edsomet hi ngbydat
ing.Mor eespeciall
ya
mar r
iedmannowIhavet odealwithinsecurewi ves.
Ihadl ostmysleepaswel lsoIjuststart
edcooki ng.
Iam gl adIam havingadayofftodaybecauset hat
doubleshiftatthecasinowasreallydrai
ning.Iwas
watchingTVatt hesametimeandwhenIwasj ust
fi
nisheddadwal kedin.
Dad:
"itsmel
lsni
cei
nher
e"
Me:
'yeahIcookedyouhavet
onot
ice"
Hel
aughed
Dad:
"Idonot
ice"
Myphoner
angandIl
ookedati
t.
Dad:
"ar
en'
tyougonnaanswert
hat?"
Me:
"and?"
Dad:
"tal
ktohi
m"
Ioutmyphonedown."
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
o"
Dad:
"lastt
ime"
Me:
"hewi
llf
eedmel
iesagai
n"
Dad:
"Andi
swa"
Hegaveal
ook.
Me:
"dad?"
Dad:
"youar
emi
ser
abl
e"
Me:
"howdoyouknow?"
Dad:
"Iam yourf
ather
.Iseet
hingsandyoul
ove
hi
m"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"that
'sf
unnydadbecauseIdon'
t"
Dad:"i
fyoudon'
tthenwhyareyourunni
ngaway
fr
om hi
m whenyoucangetyouranswersandmove
on"
Ikeptqui
et.Myphoner
angagai
nandIl
ookedati
t.
Dad:
"goon"
Ihuf
fedandt
ooki
tandanswer
ed.
Me:
"whatcanIhel
pyouwi
thNt
ethel
elo?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canIseeyou?"
Me:
"forwhatr
easons?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
",
canyoucome"
Ihuf
fed
Me:
"ok,
Iam comi
ng"
Ihungupandl
ookedatdad.
Dad:
"go"
Me:
"ungifakaeweniyazibaba(youar
eput
ti
ngme
i
napitdad)"
Dad:
"youwi
llt
hankmel
ater"
IgroanandIgoandwearmysl ippersandpul
lmy
gownt oget
herandIwalkout.Him andIar
enot
datingsoIwon' tdr
essupforhi
m.Igotoutand
sawhi scart
wohousesawayandhegotoutasI
appr oachedit
.Hewant edt
ogoi nforahugbutI
steppedback.Hepl acedhi
shandsi nhi
spocket
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam ok,
you?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(si
gh)Mi
ser
abl
e"
Ikeptqui
et.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canwegeti
nthecar?"
Me:
"sur
e"
Ididn'
tli
ketheeyesf rom people.Wegoti nandit
wasabi tdimmed, hi
smusi cwaspl ayi
ngont he
l
ow.Iwasqui etbecausehei stheonewhocal led
meer ebutIwasuncomf ortabl
easwel lbeinginhis
presence.Hiscolognewasst il
lthesameandi tdid
sti
llhavethesameef fect.hewast ooquietaswell.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elowhatam Iher
efor?"
Hekissedmyli
psandIwastakenbackwithitbut
myeyesjustcl
osedandwesharedakiss.Ipushed
myselfof
fhim.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaImi
ssyou.Iam mi
ser
abl
e
wi
thoutyou"
Me:
"youwer
en'
tbef
oreyoumetme"
Ntet
hel
elo:"t
hat
'sbecauseIdidn'
tknowyouand
nowthatIdoIdon'
twanttoletgo"
Me:
"Mbul
azi"
Hesmi
ledandper
kedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantt
odor
ightbyyouAndi
swa"
Ohgodpl
easei
nter
vene
Me:
"ri
ghtby?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantyout
omar
ryyou"
Me:
"youwantmet
obeyoursecondwi
fe?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yes"
Ichuckl
edandIopenedt
hedoorandgotof
f.
Me:
"byeNt
ethel
elo"
Icl
osedthedoorandwenti
nsi
det
heyar
d.Hehas
ali
vershame
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
25] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t37

Iwalkedinsidet
hehouserepl
ayi
ngthemomentand
Ij
ustlaughedonmyown.Dadwal kedi
nfr
om the
ki
tchenwi t
haplateandl
ooksatmeasifIam crazy.
Me:
"thatl
ook.
"
Dad:
"ar
eyouok?"
Isatdownont
hecouchandhedi
dthesame.I
si
ghed.
Dad:
"and?Ican'
twai
tforyou"
Me: "hewant
stomar
ryme.Hewant
smet
ohi
s
secondwife"
Hei
squi
et.
Dad:
"hei
s..
..
wowIdon'
tknowwhatt
osay"
Me:
"am Isecondopt
iondad?"
Dad:
"nobaby.Youar
enot"
Me:
"thankyou"
Dad:
"Iwon'
tcomment
.Whenyouneedanswer
s
l
ookf
ort
hem wi
thi
nyou"
Me:
"Ican'
tfi
ndt
hem.Iam conf
used."
Dad:
"doyoust
il
llovehi
m andhehonest"
Me:"yes,
feel
ingscan'tjustdisappearbutt
hat
doesn'
tmeanIwannagetbackt ohim.Heliedt
o
meandhei sdishonestandliesandandacheat"
Dad:
"and?
...
..
"
Me:
"andwhat?"
Dad:
"hei
ski
nd,
l
ovi
ngandmor
e..
..
..
"
Me:
"dadwhydoyoual
wayschoosehi
ssi
de?"
Dad:"Iam not.Iam onyoursi debutAndi
swayou
can'
tseethatbecausehedi dthosethi
ngsyouare
over
cloudi
ngallthegoodyouhaveeverspoken
abouthim andwhathedi dforyouassomeoneyou
werewith.Thatisdangerousandyouar ebui
ldi
nga
cl
oudofhat eandbit
terness"
Iwi
llqui
et.
Dad:
"Let
'sdot
his."
Heputhi
sfooddown.
Dad:"sayal
lthethi
ngsyoudisl
ikedabouthi
m and
youli
kedandlet'
sseeifhi
sbadovercloudshis
good"
Me:
"ok"
Dad:
"ment
ional
lhi
sbadaspect
s"
Me: "wel
lheli
ed,
hecheatedonhi
swif
e,hei
s
makingmesecondbest.Hewantedmetoqui
t
becauseIki
ssedTri
stan.
"
Dad:
"that
'sal
l?"
Me:
"that
'sal
l"
Dad:
"ment
ional
lyoul
ikedabouthi
m"
Me:"heiscari
ng,hasadomi nantsi
deIl
ike.Hei
s
l
ivi
ng,hi
ssmi l
eanddimples,hi
scharact
erandwi
ll
t
omakemel augh.
..
..
hisever
ything"
Dad:
"yousee.
Dad:
"Good."
Heat
e.
Me:
"Idon'
tunder
stand"
Dad:"youcanbeangryathim butnotforl
ong.
Somewher eyouhavetoforgi
vehim,notbecause
youwillgobackt
ohim butforyour
selfandwhen
yougetti
ngint
oanotherr
elati
onshi
p"
Me:
"Thatr
elat
ionshi
ppar
tIam donewi
th"
Dad:
"neversaynever"
Hecar
ri
edoneat
ing.Ishookmyheadwi
thaf
rown.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Ihaven'tseenAndi swainal ongti

me.Shei snot
thatacti
veonWhat sappaswel landIthought
maybeshej ustneedssomet i
meof ftocol
lect
hersel
fandcoolof ff
rom everyt
hing.Ididn'
tknow
shewasdat i
ngMrKhumal oandi tcameasashock
tome.Iam hur tthatsheisheartbrokenbutt hi
sis
alsomychancet obewi thher.Ireall
yli
keherand
Amberdoest oothoughshei sshy.Iam br ushing
heraftershehasj usttakenabathandwear e
watchingspongeBob.Shei sgi
ggli
ngandclappi
ng
herhands.Shel ooksjustl
ikeLi
ll
y,Imissherat
ti
mesandIcan' thelpblamemyselffort
hewayshe
died.Myphoner angandItookitanditwasMom.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Mom :
"Howar
eyoumybaby?"
Me:
"Iam good.Howar
eyou,
howi
sdad?"
Mom :
"Iam wel
l,
yourf
atheri
swel
laswel
l"
Mom doesn'
tcal
lmuch,
wegetal
ongand
somet
imeswedon't
.
Mom :
"howi
smygr
anddaught
er?
"
Me:
'youcant
alkt
oher
."
Mom :
"Thapel
o"
IgaveAmbermyphoneandt heystart
edtal
king.I
wouldgiveanythi
ngtohaveamomentwi th
AndiswaandAmber .Ilookatmydaughtergiggle
assheistalki
ngtohergrandmother.
Amber:
"lennakeaO'
rat
a(Il
oveyout
oo)
"
Shehandst
hephonet
omeandIhangupanpul
l
hert
ome.
Amber:
"papa(daddy)
"
Me:
"baby"
Amber:
"wheni
saunt
yAndi
swavi
sit
ingagai
n?"
Me:
"Youwanthert
ovi
sit?"
ShenodsandItakeoutmyphoneandIbr
eat
hout
.I
hopesheanswers.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Ihavej ustparkedmycarandIburri
edmyheadon
thest eeri
ngwheel.Imessedupbigti
meandIam
tryi
ngbuti tseemstoallgoinvai
n.Itakemyphone
andIgetoutoft hecarandImakemywayi nsi
de
andIf i
ndUnathiwatchi
ngTVwhi l
eshehasherfeet
i
naf ootmassage.Shet ur
nstome.
Unat
hi:
"youar
eear
lybaby"
Me:
"whati
sthatst
untyoupul
ledonI
nst
agr
am ?
"
Unat
hi:
"ohwt
hat"
Me:"awukhuzeki
Unat
hi?(
Don'
tyoul
ist
enUnat
hi?
)"
Unat
hi:
"babysoyouar
egonnachooseheroverme
"
Me:
"wi
thyourat
ti
tudeyes!"
Shest
oodup.
Unat
hi:
"excuseme?"
Me:
"justdoyouUnat
hi,
car
ryonbei
ngchi
ldi
sh"
Unathi:
"chi
ldi
shNtet
hel
elo,
howam Isupposedt
o
feelwhenyoucheat
ed!"
Me:"Don'tyouseethi
stracesbackonhowyouare.
Youarerude,youdon'
trespectmeasamanand
youdon'
trespectmyfamily,youhi
tmeandlandme
i
nhospit
als,it
'sal
lwaybeforeIcheat
edonyou!"
Unathi:
"Iam t
hepr
obl
em her
e,f
uckyouok
Ntet
helel
o!"
Shet
hrewar
emot
emydi
rect
ion
Me:
"see"
Unat
hi:
"fuckyouandyourt
ramp!
"
Iwentandhel
dherhands.Shewasf
ight
ing
Me:
"cal
m down"
Unat
hi:
"don'
teven"
Me:
"cal
m downUnat
hi"
Shecal
meddown.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Unat
hi:
"thenwhy.
..
."
Me:
"letmef
ini
sh"
Shekeepsqui
et.
Me:"butweallhaveabr
eaki
ngpoi
ntorapoi
ntof
sayi
ngit
'senough"
Unat
hi:
"enoughaboutme?
"
Me:
"justenough"
Unathi:
"whatdoyoumean!
?Youwantt
omar
ry
hernow? !
"
Shewasshout i
ngandIj
ustclosedmyeyestryi
ng
toremaincal
m whil
eIcl
enchedmyj aws.Il
etgoof
herhands.
Me:
"It
hinkourl
awyer
swi
llat
testt
othat
."
It
urned.
Unat
hi:
"Nt
ethel
elowhatdoyoumean?"
Me:"l
oveisnotenoughatt i
mesUnathi,
ImeanI
wantadi
vorce.Ican'
ttol
eratei
tanymore"
Shehel
dhermout
h.
Unat
hi:
"youdon'
tmeant
hat
.BabyIl
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oobutIcan'
tanymor
e"
Itur
nedtowal
kupthest
airs.Somet
hinghi
tmy
headandmyvisi
onwasblurryasmyheadhur
ts.
Unat
hi:
"youcan'
tleaveme!Youwon'
tleaveme!"
Somethi
nghitmybackaswel
landbashedmyhead
andIwentdownthest
air
sanditwasl
ight
sout
.
.
.
.
*UNATHI*

Ithrewavaseathi
m andanythingIcangetmy
handson.Hecan'tl
eavemeandhewon' tl
eaveme
forsomeoneel
se.Whenhewentdownt hestai
rsI
stoppedandIl
ookedoverathim.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Hegroanedabi
tandIr
ushedt
ohi
m.Ilif
tedhi
s
headashewasfaci
ngupandi
twasbl
oody.
Me:"(cr
ying)babypleaseIam sor
ry.Pl
easedon'
t
l
eaveme.Iwillchange"
Iwasshaki
ngandcryi
ng.WhathaveIdone.He
wasgroani
ngi
npain.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
iwasi nmyr oom.Ihadjustfini
shedmy
assignmentandoutmyl aptopaway.Iwasl ooki
ng
attheceili
ngandIwasi nthoughtsbeforemy
phoner ang.ArghwhatdoesNt ethel
elowant?I
tookitanditwasTri
stan.Wehaven' tt
alkedi
na
while.IsatupandIanswer ed.
Me:
"Hel
lo"
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa,
howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam goodandyou?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"wemi
ssyouwi
thAmber"
Ismi
led.
Tr
istan:
"doyoumi
ndt
alki
ngt
ohersheki
nda
missesyou"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Idon'
tmi
nd.
Iheardabi
tofshuf
fl
ingandt
henal
it
tl
evoi
ce
spoke.
Amber:
"hi,
aunt
yAndi
swa"
Shesai
dinashyvoi
ce..Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Hibabygi
rlhowar
eyou?"
Amber:
'Iam good"
Me:
"Imi
ssyou"
Amber:
"real
ly?"
Me:
"yesr
eal
lyandIwi
llvi
sitsoon"
Amber:
"Ok,
Iloveyou"
Thatmel
tedmyhear
t.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Shewentqui
etandTr
ist
anspoke.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam sor
ryaboutt
hat"
Me:
"noi
t'
sfi
ne.Ir
eal
lyappr
eci
atet
hiscal
l."
Tri
stan:
"(cl
ear
inghi
sthr
oat)wewoul
dli
ket
osee
youagain"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
"sur
e,Iwoul
dlovet
hat"
Tr
ist
an:
"si
ncei
tSat
urdayt
omor
rowwecangoout
f
ori
cecr
eam "
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:"youaresoshy,
ofcauseIwoul
dlovet
oseet
he
angelagai
n"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"ok.Haveagoodni
ght"
Me:
"yout
oo"
HehungupandIputmyphoneaway.Ambermade
mynightwi
tht
hecal
l.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
25] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t38
*
UNATHI*

Wegott othehospit
alandNt ethelel
owasr ushed
i
ntotheater.It
'sal
lmyf aul
tthathei sher
e.Ihave
beencryi
ngsi ncewecameher e.Therewasal otof
bl
ood.Whati fhedoesn'tmakei t,
whatwillbecome
ofourbaby?Whatwi l
lbecomeofme.Londi ewas
huggi
ngmeandhushi ngme.
Londi
e:"Iam sor
ryf
ri
end.Hewi
llbeok"
Vuyani:
"Iam l
ayi
ngchar
gesonyou"
Londi
e:"youcan'
tdot
hatheIpr
egnant
."
Zama:"youneedtogetcheckedUnathibecausei
t
seemsli
keyouhavebipol
artendenci
es"
Ij
umpedonherandchokedher
.Kwandopul
ledme
fr
om her
.
Me:
"Iam notcr
azyok!"
Vuyani:
"shutup!"
Londi
e:"Don'
t..
..
..
"
Vuyani:
"don'
tst
artmewenaLondi
we!"
Hi
sbr
other
sandLi
samadet
hei
rwayi
n.
Li
sa:
"meandyout
oday"
Shesai
dput
ti
ngherbagdown.
Ayanda:
"lat
ernother
e."
Mbongeni:
"Unat
hiIt
hinki
t'
sbestyougohome."
Me:
"Iam notl
eavi
ngNt
ethel
eloher
e"
Li
sa:
'youl
andedhi
m her
eyout
ramp"
Me:
"Iwi
llhi
tyou"
Li
sa:"come,comehi
tmeandIwi
llpopt
hatbaby
outofyou"
Me:
"I.
..
."
HeDrcameandever
yoner
ushedt
ohi
m.
Vuyani:
"Howi
sheDr
?"
Dr:"hesuffer
edsomeswel l
ingintohisbr ainand
hadsomeext ernalandint
ernalbleedingaswel l
.
Wedi dmanaget ounclotthebloodinhi sbr ai
nbut
hewillsuf
feratgreatcostbecauset hatinjurywas
ser
ve.Hei saComaf ornowandwewi llmoni t
or
hi
sper
for
mance."
Zamani:
"hei
sgoi
ngt
obeok?"
Dr:"i
t'
stwoways.Hemi ghtrecoverbuthewil
l
endur
eheadachesever
ynowandt henandalso
Amnesiaorhecoul
dbebr ai
ndead."
Li
sasl
appedmeandIst umbl
edandAyandacaught
me,Mbongenihel
dher
.
Li
sa:
"letmeki
llher"
Mbongeni:
"shei
spr
egnantLi
sacal
m down."
Iwasi
ntear
s.
Me:
'
"hehast
osur
vive."
Ayanda:"Iwi
llt
akeherhome.ThanksDr,
canwe
checkuponher? "
Dr:
"Thi
sway"
Hecar
ri
edmeasIcr
ied.
Me:"Iam sor
ryAyanda.Hewant
edt
oleavemef
or
her
.Iam sorr
y"
Hewasqui
et.OhmyGod.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwokeupi nt hemor ningandIwentt ofr

eshenup.
It'
saSat ur
dayandIam gl adIhavetheweekendoff
becauseyho.Iwi l
lonlygobackt oworkonSunday
fornightshi
ft.Iwentt oboilsomewateranddad
hadmadebr eakfastforme.Ieatandmaket eaand
afterIwasht hedishesanddocl eanaroundthe
house.Iwasht hecur t
ainssoIcangetmymi ndof
f
things.Ifeltashar ppaininmyl owerabdomenas
Iwaswashi ngout side.
Me:
"aahh"
Ihel
dthere.I
twaslikesomeonewascut t
ingmeor
peri
odpainsmaybe.Ist oodupandIwenti nsi
deto
dri
nksomewat erandthepainswereSevi
er .Iwent
tocheckifmaybemyper i
odsarenotcomi ngandI
sawlit
tl
eblooddri
psandIwentt oboi
lwat ert
o
bat
h.Ibathedandt
henaf terIl
oti
onedandwor ea
padbefor
eIgoandpr oceedwithmywashi ng.
Aft
erIwasdoneIwenttodr i
nksomepainki l
ler
.
Peri
odpainsar
eworse.Thebl ooddropl
etswer e
smallt
hough.Myphoner anganditwasTr i
stan.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Tr
ist
an:
"wear
eaboutt
ocomet
oyourhouse"
Me:
"ok.Iwi
llseeyout
hen"
Tr
ist
an:
"Wearawhi
tet
op"
Me:
"Iwi
llsear
chf
orone"
Tr
ist
an:
"ok"
HehungupandIwentt hroughmywar dr
obeand
boywasi tmessy.Igotj eansandItookoutmy
whiteshirtandNt ethelelo'
shoodiecameoutaswel l
.
Itookitandhel dont oit.Ismel l
edi
tandhisscent
i
sst i
lltherebutnotst ronger.Mychestbecame
painingandmyhear tclenchedasitwasbeati
ng
fast.Tear sweldedupi nmyeyesandasob
chockedmyt hroat.Icr iedwhil
esnif
fi
ngand
holdingont oi
t.Allthememor ieswesharedbefor
e
theliesappear edsur faced.From thecarr idesto
thecooki ngtot hechal l
enges, everythingandI
enjoyedever ymomentofi tandi tendedwi thhis
smi l
e.Thef ir
stsmi leheshar edwi thmei nhi sblue
overrall
st hefirstdayImethi m.Inevert houghthe
wasmyboss.Tr ist
ansai dhedemandsr espectsoI
thoughti twassomemeanmanbutno.Hei ssweet
l
ikehoney.Whydoesi thurt
.Hehur tme.That 's
becauseIst i
lllovehi m.Dadwasr ightIst i
lll
ove
him andIcan' tgetr idofthosef eeli
ngseveni fI
tri
edt heywon' ti nsteadtheymakemewanthi m
mor e.It ri
edt ogetr i
dofhimi nmyheadandhear t
butit'sli
keitcomesbackst ronger.Il aidonmybed
andIcr ied.
Me:
"WhyNt
ethel
elo?
whatdi
dIdot
oyou?"
Thatwasthequest
ionIaskedmysel
f.Myphone
rangandItooki
tandanswered.
Tr
ist
an:
"Wear
eout
side"
Me:
"ok"
Icl
ear
edmythroatandhungupandgotup.Iputi
t
awayandIt
ookthewhit
et-shi
rtandj
eansandwent
toironquickly.Icheckedmypadandt hebleeding
stopped.Itwasn'tfull
.IchangeditandItookmy
bagandIwal kedoutl ocki
ng.Dadwentt owor k
today.Iapproachedt hem andAmberwaswear i
ng
awhi teshir
tandTr istanablackonebutwewer eall
i
nj eans.Amberi njeansshir
ts.Shecameand
huggedmyl egs.Thischi l
dmakesmewar mi nside.
Icrouched.
Me:
"heyangel"
Amber:
"hel
loaunt
yAndi
swa"
Ist
oodupandTr
ist
anl
ookedatme.
Me:
"Ahugf
oraf
ri
end"
Hechuckledandweshar
edahug.WhatIneeded
f
rom afr
iend.
Tr
ist
an:
"Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam get
ti
ngt
her
e"
Lies,Iam get
ti
ngnowhere.Wegoti
nt hecarandhe
droveoff.Wet al
kedaboutr
andom st
uffbefor
ewe
reachedthepark.
Me:
"It
houghtwewer
egoi
ngf
ori
cecr
eam "
Tr
ist
an:
"ther
ewi
llbei
cecr
eam "
Inoddedandwegotout
.Het
ookabasketanda
bl
anketandIsmi
led.
Me:"youshoul
dhavesai
dit
'spi
cni
cIwoul
dhave
openedspacei
nmybell
y"
TheylaughedandAmbert
ookmyhandaswe
walkedtofi
ndaspot
.Wefoundshadeandwesat
down.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

TheDrsaidmybl oodpressureishighandt heyput

anIVonmeandmoni t
ormybaby.Iwi l
lleaveina
fewhoursbecauseIwasher eovernight.Icouldn't
hel
pbutcr y.Whyi sGoddoingthistome?Idi dn'
t
meant ohurthi
m.Iwasj ustangryatthethoughtof
himleavi
ngme.Hepr omisedhewoul dneverbut
heisgoingagainsthi
spromise.Ihear dcli
cking
soundsandIl
ookedupanditwasMom anddad.I
haven'
tseehi
minsolong.Mom camei
nandshe
cametohugme.
Mom :
"mybaby"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tmeant
omom"
Dad:
"haveyoubeent
aki
ngyourpi
ll
spr
incess?
"
Mom :
"Idon'
twanthert
orel
yont
hem !
"
Me:
"mommyi
thur
ts"
Dad:"butl
olatt
hepoorboy.I
t'
stohel
phercont
ain
heranger"
Mom :
"shei
snotcr
azy"
Dad:"shei
snotbutshehasangeri
ssuesbecause
ofyou"
Mom :
"that
'
senough"
Mom br ushedmybackanddadwal kedout
.They
don'tseeeyet oeyeatt
imes.Hencetheydon'
tli
ve
togetheranyidea.
Me:
"whydi
dyoudoi
tmom ?"
Mom :
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:"youknowIl
ovedhi
m.Iam l
iket
hisbecauseof
hi
m."
Mom :
"shhh"
Ihaveangeri ssues.Ilovemymot heratt hesame
ti
meIhat eher .Iusedt obebul l
iedi npr imary
schoolandt hatkil
ledmeandmademegoi nto
depr ession.Igoti nhighschoolandIwasf ri
endst o
thisguyLet habo. Hewasi nmat ric.Def endme
from ot herbul l
iesandIal sogai nedconf idenceand
becamet heonewhobul l
iedot hers.Webecame
bestoff ri
ends.Ti l
lhewentt ovar sityandt hings
wer egr eatthereandt her e.Myf ami l
ylikedhi m and
Iwasl uckyt ohaveaf r
iendl i
kehi m.Mom t hought
wewer edatingatsomepoi nt .Wel lhedi dbr eakmy
virginit
yandIhadal it
tlecr ushonhi mt illmy21st
birthday.Thatni ghtIwi l
lneverf or get.Wewer eat
acl ubt hatwasbookedt hewhol eni ghtforme.
Let habowasbusywi t
hhi sgi rlf
riendandIwas
hear tbrokenbecauseIl i
kedhi m andmom wast hat.
Thi ngsspi r
al edoutofcont rol.Wef oughtwi thhi s
girlfr
iendandIspi ll
edalcoholonhi m andcal l
ed
him al
lnamesandIwascr yi
ng.Iwal kedoutandhe
fol
lowedt r
iedt otalktomeandmom cameoutas
wellwithaf i
rewor kinherhandandonespar kand
hewasdonef or.Hebur nedtodeathandwewer e
watchingandt r
ying.Ihavenevercriedlikethatin
myl i
fe.Iam wat er.Scaredofloosi
ngpeopl eIlove
henceIam l i
ket his.

.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Iwashavi ngablastwiththem.Tr i
stantookalotof
pict
uresofAmberandmeandt heywer esocute.I
askedhimt osendt hem t
omeandhedi d.Iposted
oneandcapt i
oned"wi shyouwer emydaught er"I
wishIhadachi l
dt obri
ngt hi
skindofj oytomy
heart
.Amberwasnowasl eeponmyt highsandI
wasr est
ingonTr i
stan'
s.Nothingmuchr eal
ly.I
waseat i
ngchips.
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"mmmh"
Tr
ist
an:
"thankyouf
orspendi
ngt
hedaywi
thus"
Me:"nothankyou.Ineededt
hist
imeof
ffr
om
ever
ythi
ng"
Tr
ist
an:
"wemi
ssyouatwor
k"
Il
aughed"
Me:
"Ibetyoudo"
Ipl
ayedwi
thAmber'shairandIr
anmyfi
ngeronher
pl
umpedcheeks.Shelookssoador
abl
e.
Tr
ist
an:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Tr
ist
an"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ist
il
lli
keyou"
Myheartst
oppedandIl
ookedathi
m andhel
ooked
downatme.
Me:
"Ican'
tbewi
thanyoneTr
ist
an"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwon'
thur
tyoui
ntent
ional
ly"
Me:
"itwoul
dbeunf
aironyou."
Isatup."
Me: "l
ookyouar eanamazingguybutIdon'
twanna
doyoul i
kethat.Ihaven'
theal
edandIneedtofi
nd
myself.Iam st
illinl
ovewit
hNt et
hel
eloandIam
tr
yingtogetoverhi m"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iunder
stand"
Ther
ewassi
lenceandIl
aidback.
Tr
ist
an:
"CanIbeyourever
ythi
ngt
il
lyouheal"
Me:
"inwhatmanner?
"
Trist
an:'
mor
ethanf
ri
endsbutf
ri
endmanner
.Li
ke
rebound"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"expl
aini
tpl
ease"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tri
stan:
"li
kegiveusatryandifyoufal
lforhim or
getbackwithhi
m Iwil
lbackoff
.Ifyoufal
lforme
maybeifyoufallf
oranot
herpersonwecutoutt hi
s
agreementsameasme"
Me:
"butyoul
ikeme"
Tr
ist
an:
"andIam wi
ll
ingt
oseeyouhappy."
Me:
"soi
t'
sli
kewedat
ing?
"
Tri
stan:"yeah.Wewillbef
ri
endsaswel
l
.Ir
espect
yourspaceaswell."
Me:
"whyr
esor
ttot
hathur
ti
ngyour
sel
f"
Tri
stan:
"eveni
fyoudon'
tlovemebutt
obewi
th
youandshowyouwenotal lt
hesame"
Me:
'Idon'
tknow"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ipr
omi
seyouwi
llheal"
Isi
ghed.Thi
sist
ough
Me:
'"l
et'
sseewher
eitgoest
hen"
Heper
ksmyl
ipsandsmi
les.
Tr
isha:
"thankyou"
Wespentt herestfthedaychat
ti
ng.Idon'
tlove
Tristan.IloveNtet
helel
oandmyhear tagr
eeswi t
h
that.Ifeelli
keIam cheati
ngonhim.ShouldIfeel
l
iket hat?
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
26] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t39

Afteralongdayatt hepar k,Amberwokeupandwe

wenttogetsomei cecream bef or
ewewal kedback
tothecarandTr ist
andr ovemebackhome.We
wer et
alkingher eandther ebutsomehowmymi nd
wasn'ther easwel l
.Hepl ayedsomemusi cand
thatmadet hi
ngsabi tbetter.Wear r
ivedin
Mamel odiandwesaw2car sparkedinfr
ontofmy
home.Hepar kedbehindt hem.HasBabuMncane
Xolanibuyanewcarori si tmalumeuThul ani.Yeah
wedon' tseemuchofhi m becausehel i
vesi n
Mozambi que.Wegotoutoft hecarandIhugged
Ambergoodbye.
Amber:
"bye"
Iki
ssedhercheekandshegiggl
edbef
oreget
ti
ng
i
nsidet
hecar.Trist
anwaslooki
ngatmewith
handsi
nhispocket.
Tr
ist
an:
"comecl
oser"
Icamecloserandhehel
dmychi
nandlai
daperk
andlookedatmeinmyeyes.Hi
sgr
eeneyessui
ted
him qui
etwel
l.
Tr
ist
an:
"goodni
ght
."
Ismi
led.
Me:
"goodni
ght"
WesharedahugandIwentinsidet
heyardwavi
ng.
Imademywayi nsi
dethehouseandIopenedt
he
doorandal
lheadst
urnedtome.Iswallowed.
Dad:
"comei
n,t
heyhavebeenwai
ti
ngf
oryou"
Icl
osedt
hedoorandmademywayi
n.
Me:
"Sani
bonani(hel
lo)
"
Theygreet
edbackandIsatnextt
odad.Whati s
goingonhere?Leti
tnotbenegot
iat
ionsbehi
ndmy
backorIwil
lki
llNt
ethel
elo.
Dad:
"Doyouknowt
hem ?"
Myhear
tski
psabeat
.
Me:
"yebobaba"
Iknowtwoofthem andt hatisAyandaandzamani
,t
heothert
woIdon' tknowt hem atal
l.Iguessi
t'
s
hisot
herbr
others.
Dad:
"Good.Theyhavenewsf
oryou"
Zamanistart
stosi
gh.Myheartski
psabeatandI
feell
ikei
t'
sbeat
ingonmyt
hroat.
Ayanda:"Uhm Andi
swaweknowaboutour
brot
her'
sfaul
tstoyouandwetr
ulysor
ryonhi
s
behal
f..
..
."
Icuthi
m of
f.
Me:
"Iwi
llnotbeNt
ethel
elo'
ssecondwi
fe."
Guy:
"wear
enother
efort
hat"
Ayanda:
"heneedsyou"
If
rowned.
Zamani:
"Nt
ethel
eloi
sint
hehospi
tal"
Me:
"whathappened?"
Theyl
ookedateachot
her
.
Zamani:
"Hehadanalt
ercat
ionwi
thhi
swi
feand
shehur
thim .Hei
sinaComaaswespeak"
Ayanda:
"Iknowyouareangr
yathi
m.Wej
ust
wantedt
oinfor
m you"
Guy:
"per
sonal
lyIl
ikeyousoIam j
usther
etosee
you"
Wel
augh.Theyst
oodup.
Zamani:
"Si
yabongababa(t
hankyousi
r)"
Dad:
"Nopr
obl
em "
Me:
"wai
t..
."
Theyst
op.
Me:
"Iwantt
oseehi
m"
Ayanda:
"It
'sok"
Me:
"letmechangef
ir
st"
TheynoddedandIwentt
ochange.Alotofthought
s
roamedinmyhead.Whatreal
lyhappened?Why
wouldhiswi
fedosomet hi
ngli
kethat
.Hurtt
he
personyoul
ove.Ichangedtoblackl
eggi
ngsand
hishoodi
ewit
hsneakersandItookmyphoneand
somemoneyandIwal kedoutandhuggeddad.
Dad:
"besaf
e"
Me:
"Iwi
llbe"
Heki ssedmyf or eheadandwewal kedout .Wegot
i
nt hecarandt heydroveoff.Iwasinthought s.I
didn'tevenfeelthejourneytothehospit al.Wegot
thereandgotoutandwewer eledt
ot hewai ti
ng
room andYhoIwant edtoturncauseal lheads
turnedtousandnoweyesonme.If eltoutofplace
soIj ustlookeddown.
Lady:
"ohmyGodf
inal
ly"
Shecameandhuggedmeandanot
heronef
oll
owed
tohugme.Iwasover
whel
medhonest
ly.
Lady:
"Iam Li
sat
hesi
ster"
Lady:
"Iam Unamithesi
steraswel
l.WowIhave
beenwai
ti
ngforthedayIseeyou"
Me:
"ohw"
Li
sa:
"don'
tbeshy,
wedon'
tbi
te"
Ayanda:
"Wher
eist
hedr?"
Womanwasl ooki
ngatmeandshesmi led.Iguess
i
t'
sthei
rmother.Ismi
ledaswell
.Shelookssweet
shame.Hi
sfamilymembersseem sosweet.
Unami:
"theywentt
ocheckonhi
mtheywi
llcal
lus
"
Henoddedandt heysatmedownandi ntr
oduced
themsel
ves.Theirf
atherwasn'
theret
houghand
yesthesweetlooki
ngwomani shismother.
Me:
"Iam happyt
oknowyoual
l"
Unami:
"wear
ehappysi
steri
nlaw"
Ayanda:
"Unami
"
Unami:
"wherei
sUnat
hianyway?Myhandi
s
i
tchi
ngt
ohither"
Shesai
dwi
thaangr
ylook.
Li
sa:"minewasn'
tsat
isf
iedbutyouknowyour
br
other
s"
Shesatdown.
Me:
"isn'
tshepr
egnantt
ohi
ther"
Theylookedatme.Ishoul
dshutmymout
h.They
seem tonotl
ikeher
.
Ayanda:
"Danki
eMakot
i(t
hankyou)
"
TheDrwal
kedi
n.
Dr:
"MeKhumal
o"
Theyst
oodup.
Zamani:
"comekot
i,Igotyou"
Het ookmyar m andwr appedhi sarmsar oundmy
neck.Iwassoshor tyho.Iwi shIhadasi bl i
ng
though,wouldIbethiscr azyaroundthem ora
brotherwhowillhookhisar m aroundmeandt el
l
mehehasgotme.Howwoul ditallbeli
ke.?We
gotinthewardandal readyhi sothersi
bli
ngsar eby
hisbedside.Wegett hereandmyhear tbr eaksand
clenched.Hewassi lentandhadhi seyescl osed.
Hisheadwasbandaged.It ri
edt oswall
owal ump
thatwasinmyt hroatandIr eachedmyhandt ohold
hisbutIstopped.
Li
sa:
"It
'
sok"
Shesmi ledandIsl owlyt ouchedhishandwhi l
e
minewasshaki ng, i
t'
sallmyf aultt
hatheislaying
here.Iam suret heywer efighti
ngbecauseofme.I
wassi l
entandhi smot herkeptonsmi li
ngt hough
hersoni sli
kethi s.Isshet ryi
ngtoactstr
ong?She
i
sadmi r
ableifshei sbecauseIwoul dber oll
ingon
thefloorifi
twasmychi ld.Il etgoofhishand.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Iwal
kedoutwi
ththem cal
li
ngmyname.Tearsran
downmycheekandsomeoneheldmyupperarm
andi
twasAyanda.HehuggedmeandIcried.
Ayanda:
"hei
sst
rong.Hewi
llbeok"
Myheartwasbleedi
ng.Wi
llIeverseet
hose
di
mpleseveragain?
Me:"i
t'
smyfault
.If,
ifIdi
dn'
tcomei
ntohi
sli
fehe
woul
dn'
tbel
ayingthere"
Ayanda: "don'
tbl
ameyour
sel
f.Unathiwast
oxi
c
beforeyouevencame.Youshouldn'
tblame
yoursel
f."
Isni
ff
ed.
Ayanda:
"nowl
etswi
pet
hoset
ear
s"
Iwipedmyt
ear
sandUnami
rushedt
omeand
huggedme.
Unami:
"it
'soksi
si"
Isi
ghedandheldherback.Idon'twantt
oloosehi
m
Godpleasecanhewakeupf orthesakeofhis
fami
ly.Ir
eal
lybegyou.
.
.
TwodayshavepassedandIhaven' tbeenget ti
ng
propersl
eep.Iwoul dwor knightshiftandwheni
comeoutf rom wor kIjustcomeher eandl ookat
him.Isomet imesr eadbooksi nthelikesofDudu
Busani'Hlomut hewi fe'orBar easwel l.Ieven
boughthar dcopiesj ustafewdaysagoandIf indit
bett
erreadi ngli
ket hat.Ihadjustcamef r
om wor k
andIwal kedi nhiswar d.Iwasal l
owedanyt i
met o
seehim,Iwentt owashmyhandsbef oreIgott ohis
si
deandki ssedhi sforehead.Iwon'tliet
omysel f
aboutmyf eeli
ngsf orhim.Nomat t
erhowhar dI
tr
iedIwasj ustbreakingmysel fbutIdon'tthinkI
wil
lgoback.Ipul
ledthecovertocoverhisupper
bodyabit
.Theysayt alki
nghelpsandtalkingtohim
hemightwanttorecover.Idi
dn'tsayanythingthese
pastt
wodays.Isi ghed.
Me:"youcomefr
om aver
ylovel
yfami
ly,
makesme
wi
shmyf amil
ywast
hatbig."
If
iddl
edwi
thmyf
ingeranddr
anksomewat
er.
Me: "Il
oveyou, it
'sonefeeli
ngIcan' tseem to
detachmysel ffrom i
t.Ihateyouf orlyingtome
andmaki ngmef eelthisway.Soi nlovewi t
hyou.I
hateyouf orbeingher eonthisbed.Ihat eyoufor
bei
ngmar ri
edandwassoper fectthatIwasbl i
nded.
Ihatehowyoumakememel tandj ustthinkofyou
outofthebl ue.IhateLovingyouNt et
helelo"
Iwasupnowonmyf eetlookingoutthewindow.I
sighedandhel dontoitwhi l
esippingmyt ear
s.I
turnedbackt ohi
m andhehasn' tmoved.Iwalked
backtohi m andIhel
dhi scheekandper kedhisli
ps
thenforeheadandIlookedathi m.
Me:
"Il
oveyouNt
ethel
elo,
comeback"
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
26] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t40

*
UNATHI*

Iwant edt ogoandseeNt ethelel

obutwheniwent
tothehospi t
alIwasn'tall
owedi nandhencehi s
familysaidIneededabr eakf rom t
heirfamil
ywhi ch
meansIshoul dmoveoutabi tfr
om hishouse.I
foughtt oothandnailandmom sai dIshouldl et
Ntethelelorecoverfi
rstbeforeItakeast epinallof
thi
s.Ever ythingwil
lbeokr ight?Hewi l
lst
il
lloveme
ri
ght?Ihadj ustwokeupandIwasl ayi
nginmybed.
Tearsar enomor eanymor eandIj ustwanttocr y.
Myhear tachesaswel l.
thereisaknockont hedoor
anditopensandQamowal ksi
n.Irol
lmyeyes
becauseiknowIam i
rr
it
atedal
ready.
Qamo:
"don'
trol
lyoureyesatme"
Shesatdownnextt
ome.
Qamo:
"howar
eyou?"
Iwassi
lent
.Ij
ustl
ookedatherandt
henl
ookedt
he
ot
herway.
Qamo:
"Iam t
ryi
ngUnat
hi"
Me:
"towhat?"
Qamo: "t
obei nyourcorner,wemaynotbet he
bestofsi
stersthatbecauseIcare.Ihaveal
ways
caredbutyourbehaviourispushingpeopl
earound.
Whathappenedt oyou?Ever si
nceLethabo..
..
."
Me:
"don'
tment
ioni
t."
Isatup.
Qamo:
"let
'sgovi
sithi
m"
Me:
"who?"
Qamo:
"Let
habo.Youneedi
t"
Me:
"Qamopl
ea.
..
..
."
Qamo: "comeandgobat
h.Weneedyouupand
runni
ng"
Shepul
ledt
hecover
sandIgotof
fthebedgr
oani
ng
andIwentt
othebat
hroom.
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Mer
cy:
"It
'sbeensomedayswi
thoutt
alki
ngt
oyou"
Me:
"yeaht
hingshappenedIam sor
ryaboutt
hat"
Mer
cy:
"Iam sor
ryaboutNt
ethel
elo.Ihear
d"
Me:
"yeah"
IsighandIhaveonehandinmypocketandj
ust
bit
tingmyli
phereandther
e.
Mercy:"Ial
waysknewUnat
hihadi
ssuesbutnot
t
hisbig"
Me:
"Ican'
tbel
ievehi
swi
fedi
dhi
mli
ket
hat
."
Mercy:"Yeahmet oo.Nt
ethel
elocanwai
tshame.I
wouldhavekil
ledher"
Me:
"Maybesheneedshel
p"
Mer
cy:
"sheshoul
dgetar
rest
edf
ori
t"
Me:
"Shei
spr
egnant"
Mercy:"mxm yabonawenanakhokeuhamba
uzwelana(t
hereyouhavestar
tedwithfeel
ingbad
forpeopl
e)"
Me:
"don'
tyou?"
Mercy:
"okl
et'
snott
alkaboutUnat
hinow.Pear
lis
back"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"whathasshedonenow?"
Mercy:"shesendi
ngvi
deosofher
sel
ffi
nger
ing
her
self"
Me:"Yhothat
'st
enseandwhati
ssandi
ledoi
ng
aboutt
hat?"
Mercy:
"Idon'
tevenwannaknowbutIwi
llvi
sither
oneoft
hesedays."
Me:
"don'
tbeatsomeoneup"
Mer
cy:
"Iwi
llki
llher
."
Me:
"Hai
boMer
cy!
"
ThenMr
sKhumal
owal
kedi
nhol
dingal
unchbox.
Me:
"ihavet
ogomnt
ase."
Mer
cy:
"shar
pMngoh(Fr
iend)
"
Shehungupandhi
smot
hersmi
led.
Me:
"Sawubonaman(
hel
lomah)
"
Shesmi
led.
Her:
"Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam goodandyou?"
Her:
"Iam goodmychi
ld."
Sheputt
hel
unchboxdown.
Her:
"bengi
thembaukut
hiuzovukamanj
e(Iwas
hopi
ngyouwouldwakeupnow) "
Shebrushedhi
sfacegentl
y.Shehasalit
tl
esmil
e
onherfaceandIaskmyselfhowshedoesit
.She
takeshi
shandandkissesi
tbefor
elooki
ngatme.
Her:
"thankyou"
Me:
"for?"
Her:
"Lovi
nghi
m."
Shesmi
ledwi
derandIdi
dthesame.
Me:
"Hemakesi
teasy"
Shegiggled.Sheisbeaut
if
ulagi
ngwoman,but
beaut
ifulandhersoulmakeshermor
ebeauti
ful
.
Her:
"Iam sur
eyouar
ehungr
y"
Me:
"Iat
efoodf
rom t
hecaf
eter
iat
hankyou"
Wesatt her
etoget
herandj
ustsi
lencewhi
lel
ooki
ng
atherson.
Her:
"Samenzani?(Whatdi
dweeverdot
oher?
)"
Me:
"Mah?
"
Her:"(gl
ossyeyes)umakotiwet
hu,Samenzani
(ourbri
de,whatdi
dwedot oher)"
Ididn'
tknowhowtoanswerthatandshewipesher
tearsandmyhear
tbreaks.Not
hinghurt
sthanto
seeagr ownupcr
y.
Her:
"ngi
samt
handanamanj
e(Ist
il
lloveher)
"
YhoifIwasi
nhershoesIwoul
dhateherf
ordoi
ng
thi
stomysonbutthi
swomanisreal
lyadmir
abl
e.
Me:
"hewi
llwakeupver
ysoon."
Shet
akeshi
shandandst
art
edt
ospeak.
Her:"Nt
ethel
eloMnt
anamibuya(Nt
ethel
elomy
chi
ldcomeback)"
Shesni
ffed.It
'sget
ti
ngt
oher
.Tear
slef
tmyeyes
butIwi
pedt hem.
Her:
"Il
oveyoumychi
ld"
Sheki
sseshishandandl
ooksatme.Ilookdown
,t
her
eissil
enceagai
nandIlookatNt
ethel
elo.
Me:"Mbul
aziwakeupf
oryourmot
her
.Sheneeds
you"
Istoodupandwalkedoutj
ustt
ogivet
hem some
space.Iwentt
obuysomecoffeeandmyphone
r
ang.I
twasdadandIanswer
edi
t.
Dad:
"angel"
Me:
"(si
gh)Hidad"
Dad:
"youatt
hehospi
tal?"
Me:
"yesIam att
hehospi
tal,
Igother
ethi
s
mor
ning"
Dad:
"youneedt
orestaswel
l"
Me:
"Ican'
t.Iwantt
obet
her
ewhenhewakesup"
Dad:
"youst
il
llovehi
m?"
Ikeepqui
et.
Dad:"Iwon'tst
opyouAndiswa.I
fyouwanttogo
backit
'sokbutknowIwil
lalwaysbether
etopi
ck
upthepieces."
Ipai
dformycof
feeandt
ooki
t.
Me:
"Iam notgoi
ngbackt
ohi
m dad"
Dad:
"Iwasj
ustcl
ear
if
yingt
hings.Il
oveyou"
Isi
ppedonmycof
fee.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oodad"
Ismil
edandhehungup.Isighedandwalkedback
whil
edri
nki
ngmycoffee.Igoti
nthewar
dandt he
Drwasther
ealonewi
thhim.
Me:
"ohsor
ryIdi
dn'
tknow.
..
..
."
Dr:"i
t'
sok.Iwasdonechecki
ngupandonandhe
seemsfine."
Inodded
Dr:
"letmegethi
m somepai
nrel
ief
s"
HewalksoutandIwentt
omybagt
oputmywal
let
awayandsomeonespoke.
"CanIhavewat
er?
"
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt osay.Itur
nedandhewasin
pai
nbyhisfaci
alexpressi
ons.Ij
ustst
oppedt
here
andhi
sfamilywalkedin.
Lisa:"Br
otherYhoIt
houghIhadt
osl
apyouback
toli
fe"
Mbongeni:
"it
'sj
ustbeenaf
ewdaysAnel
isa"
Iwasst
il
lroot
edwher
eIwast
il
ltheyl
ookedatme.
Ayanda:
"howar
eyouAndi
swa?
"
Me:
"I.
..
I.
.I'
mfi
ne"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
emaki
ngnoi
seguys"
Heopenedhi
seyes.Hi
svoicewasver
yhoarsel
ike
hewasaboutt
oloosei
tbutdeep.Hel
ookedatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoi
sshe?"
Ij
ustgr
abbedmybag.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Iwalkedoutandtheywer ecall
ingme.Hedoesn' t
knowme?Hedoesn' tknowmeanymor e.Ifel
tpain
i
nmychestasIwaswal ki
ngoutt hehospi t
al.I
wipedmyt ear
s,Iguessit'
sasi gnthatreall
yI
shouldbeoutofhisli
feforeversoashi mi nmi ne.
Myphoner anganditwasTr ist
an.Ii gnoreditand
wenttobuysomewi nebef oretaki
ngat axihome.
.
.
*
SANDI
LE*

Thi
ngsathomehavebeensweetandsouratt
he
samet ime.Pear li
sdet erminedt omessupmy
mar ri
age.Iusedt oloveherbutIl oveMer cymor e.
Shehasmyhear tandIam pr oudt osayt hatIam
whi pped.Iwasi nmyof fi
ceoncal lwithourmaj or
suppl i
erf r
om Columbi a.Mypr oductsarealways
100%t hat'
swhymyt erri
tor
yist hemostf eared
terr
itorybecauseIdon' tt
akenonsense.Thedoor
openedandMer cywal kedi nandIhadt ocutthe
callshor tandIhungup.Shewasi nablackmi ni
skirtwithawhi t
ef ishnetlongsl eevetop.Onl yher
nippleswer ecover edandheel s.Sheputt hespur
paperbagont het ableandt urnedt ome.
Mer
cy:
"Ibr
oughtl
unch"
Me:
"whatar
eyouwear
ing?
"
Mer
cy:
"cl
othes"
Me: "youcal
lthosecl
othes.Theyar
eexposi
ngmy
assets"
Shecomesbymysi
deandsi
tsont
opofmeand
ki
ssesmyneck.
Mer
cy:
"that
'st
hepoi
nt"
Igroanedasshegr i
ndedonmeandshegotof fand
wenttolockthedoor.Shesatopposi
temeandher
thi
ghswer eexposed.Sheopenedt
hepaperbag.
Mer
cy:
"howi
syourdaysof
arbaby?"
Me:
"it
'sgood."
Shehandsther
ibsovert
omebutIam not
comfor
tabl
ewit
hherdresscode.
Mer
cy:
"hear
danyt
hingonNt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"babyyouar
emaki
ngmeuncomf
ort
abl
e"
Mer
cy:
"inwhatway?"
Me:
"inoneway"
Shegi
ggl
edandcover
shermout
h
Mercy:
"youcanbesi
ll
yatt
imesbabedoyouknow
t
hat"
Ikeptqui
ett
houghIam i
ntor
tur
e.Ther
ewasa
knockonthedoor.
Mer
cy:
"whoi
sdi
stur
bingus?"
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat,
shegavemeal
ook.
Me:
"Ihaveameet
ingwi
thper
k"
Mer
cy:
"yougott
obeki
ddi
ngme."
Shestoodupandi texposedherr ushandshe
doesn'
thaveunderwear.Igr oanwhilelooki
ngat
herandsheshakesi t
.Sheunl ocksandcomesmy
si
deandunbucklesmypant sandl i
ftsherski
rtand
getsonmeinsert
ingher sel
f.Igroaned.
Me:
"Fuck!"
Shemoaned.Andwentupanddown.Iheldher
wai
standthedooropenedandpear
lwal
kedi
n.
Pear
l:"Ihavebeen.
..
."
Shel
ooksatusandmer
cymoansmor
e.
Mer
cy:
"ohwSandi
le"
Idi
dn'
tcare,
IgotwhatIwant
ed.Pearlst
oppedout
andbangedt
hedoorandMercystoppedwit
hsmirk.
Me:
"youusedme."
Sheper
kedmyl
ips.
Mer
cy:
"youar
emyhusband.Idon'
tuseyou"
Shestar
tst
omoveagainandIsmi
rkaswel
lwhi
le
bi
tt
ingmybott
om l
ip.
Me:
"youbad"
Mer
cy:
"sobad."
Ichuckl
ed.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Igothomehour sagoandIwascr yingbutnowI

havestopped.Ical l
edinwor kandsai dIam sickso
Iwon'tmakei t.Ijustdidn'twanttogo.Ihad
cookedanddadi sinhisr oom aswel l
.Don'tknow
whatishedoi ngbutke.Myphoner anganditwas
Tri
stan.IthinkIshouldgivehi m arealchance.See
wherethisgoes.I fIgetheartbrokenthenit'
sli
feI
guess.Iwashal fwaydonewi ththebottl
eofwine.I
answeredt hephonecal l.
Tr
ist
an:
"ihavebeent
ryi
ngyou"
Me:
"sor
ryIwasasl
eep"
It
ookasi
pont
hewi
ne.
Tr
ist
an:
"canIseeyou?"
Me:
"sur
e"
IhungupandIwentt owashmyfaceandIwalked
out.Ihadfr
eshenedupwhenIwokeup.Igotoutof
thegateinmypyjamasandhechuckl
ed.
Me:
"Idon'
thaveener
gyt
ochange"
Tr
ist
an:
"noyouar
ecut
e."
Weshareahugandhekissesmyfor
eheadand
thenl
aysaper
konmyl i
ps,hor
moneskickedi
nand
Iwant
edmorebutIcl
earedmythr
oat.
Me:
"met
oo"
Tr
ist
an:
"let
sgeti
n."
Wegoti nt
hebackseatandhelai
dmyheadonhi
s
chest.Theinsi
dewaswarm aswell
.
Me:
"howwaswor
k?"
Tr
ist
an:
"dr
aini
ngandIhavet
ost
epupast
he
manager"
Me:
"Isee.
Il
ookathi
m.
Me:
"wher
eisAmber?
"
Heper
ksmyl
ipsandi
t'
ssof
t.
Tr
ist
an:
"wi
thmom "
Hekissesmyli
psandIki
sshi
m backandIbr
eaki
t
becauseofhowIf
eel
.
Me:
"Tr
ist
anIam notr
eadyf
ort
his"
Tr
ist
an:
"wewon'
.
..
..
.."
Me:
"Imeanwhat
'sgoi
ngon.Iam notr
eadyf
ori
t"
Hesi
ghs.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ok"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ipandper
kedhi
sli
ps.
Me:
"Idon'
twantyouget
ti
nghur
t"
Hewrappedhi
sar
msar
oundmeandpul
lsmet
o
hi
slap.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwon'
t"
Me:
"Iam deep"
Hehol
dsmywai
st."
Tr
ist
an:
"RememberwhatIsai
d"
Inoddedandheki ssesmyneck.Mybodywas
react
ingt ohi
st ouchandkisses.Thewi
neistaki
ng
i
tscour seinthereandalr
eadyIam wetfrom t
hese
smallthings.
Me:
"mmmh"
Hishandgoesi
ntomypyj
amabot
tom andf
indsmy
cooki
eandhisf
inger
sgoi
n.Imoanandgasp.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwantt
omKeyouf
eelappr
eci
ated"
Hekissedmyneckashi sfi
ngerswenti
nandoutof
mycookie.Myhandswer eonhisshoul
der
s.Hi
s
f
ingerswentdeeperandhekissedmychest
.
Tr
ist
an:
"moanf
orme"
Me:
"ohwTr
ist
an!"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.Heki
ssesmyneckagai
nwhil
e
car
essi
ngmyboobandhisfinger
sdoi
ngal
otof
wonder
s.
Tr
ist
an:
"Fuckyouwet"
Hepull
edhisfi
nger
soutandit
'sl
ikeIwason
st
eroi
ds.Heli
ft
edmeupandt ookoutmypyj
ama
bot
tom.Wesharedasmallki
ss
Tr
ist
an:
"r
eady?"
Idi
dn'tknowifIshoul
dnodorgobackinsi
dethe
house.HekissedmyneckandIwaslostwit
hmy
bodybetrayi
ngme[contentf
oundi
nthegroup]
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
27] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t41

Myi
nsi
deswer
etwi
chi
ngandIcoul
dn'
tfal
lasl
eep
sinceIcamebackf rom Tr i
stan.Ifeelgui
lt
y,l
ikeI
justcheat
edonNt etheleloandi t
'seati
ngmeup.A
knockont hedoordisturbsmef r
om myt houghts
anddadpeakshi sheadi nsidewhi leweari
nghi s
unifor
m.Ididn'
tsleepswi nk.
Dad:
"ar
eyouok?Alotofnoi
seandshuf
fl
ingwas
comi
ngfr
om t
hisr
oom "
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
"dadIdi
dsomet
hingt
err
ibl
e."
Hecamei
nandhesatonmybed.
Dad:
"tel
lme"
Me:
"your
emembert
heguyIki
ssed?"
Dad:
"yes.
..
..
"
Henar
rowedhi
seyes.
Me:
"wehadat
hingl
astni
ght"
Icouldn'
tsaysex.I
magi
nesayi
ngt
hatt
oyour
parent
Dad:
"Whyar
eyousayi
ngi
t'
ster
ri
ble?
"
Me:
"Dad"
Dad:"Andi
swait'
syourlif
e.Iwon'
tjudgeand
quest
ionyoubutIwil
lalwaysbethereforyouand
hel
pyououtofsituat
ions"
Ihuggedhi
m.
Me:
"youar
ethebestyouknow?
"
Dad:
"yesIknow.Imar
ri
edyourmot
her"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"wear
egoi
ngt
oseeher?"
Dad:
"yes.Wedot
hatnj
e"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"justchecki
ng"
Dad:
"ihavet
orusht
owor
k.Seeyoul
aterpr
incess
"
Hekissedmyf oreheadandr ushedout.Ont his
weekendSundaywewi l
lgot omom' srest
ingplace
andjustspeaktoher.Thi
si sthedayshedi edin
andwewantt ohonouritever yyear
.Igotoffthe
bedandIwentt oboilwaterformet obathandI
makeasandwi chwhi leatit
.Ihaven'tcheckedmy
phoneandIwi l
lchecki tl
ater
.It ookthewaterandI
wenttobathandaf terIgotdressedinjeanswitha
topandNtethel
elo'shoodie.Isighedandtookmy
bagandwentoutl ocking.Icaughtat axitot
he
hospi
talandIarri
vedt her
e.Imademywayt ohis
pri
vatewardandt herewerehisf ri
endsandfamily.
Theyallt
urnedtome.
Me:
"Hi,
Iam sor
ryt
oint
err
upt"
Londi
e:"whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?Thi
sisnotyour
husband"
Amanda:
"Youwantmet
opl
ast
eryouont
hiswal
l"
Mongezi:
"Amanda"
Ijustt
urnedandwentt osi
tatthewaiti
ngroom.I
needtot el
lhi
m becauseIf
eelli
keifIdo.Iwil
lfeel
therel
iefinme.Af t
eranhourtheycameoutand
Zamanipatmyback.Hehast hebrot
herlyaur
a
aroundme.
Zamani:
"Best
rongok?"
Inoddedandt
hankedhi
m bef
oremaki
ngmywayi
n.
Hewaswatchingabitoftvandhisheadi swr apped
i
nanewbandage.Hi seyesmovedf rom thetvand
cametomeandhadaf r
ownonhi sface.Iplaced
mybagnexttohisbed.Il ookedathim andhe
l
ookedatmeconfused.
Me:
"Hi"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Hi"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"canIhugyou?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(f
rowni
ng)uhm.
..
.I.
..
"
Ij
usthuggedhim andt
ookinthedisi
nfectt
hati
s
st
ronginthiswar
dandtearsweldedupinmyeyes.
Hebrushedmybackafterawhil
eandIbr okei
tand
wi
pedmyt ear
s.
Me:
"Sor
ryaboutt
hat"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sok."
Ther
ewasabi
tofsi
lence.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoar
eyou?
"
I
t'
sli
keadaggerwaspl
ungedi
nmyhear
t.I
suddenl
ylostmyvoi
ce.
Me:
"I.
..
Iam Andi
swa"
Nt
ethel
elo:"oh,It
houghtyouwereUnat
hi.Ihear
dI
am mar
riedtoherandshelandedmehere"
Isatdownont
hechai
r.
Me:
"whatdoyour
emember?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"iremembermyfamil
yandsomeofmy
f
ri
endsfrom var
sit
yandt
hat
'si
t."
Me:
"ok"
Ntet
helel
o:"Ifeelli
keyouar
eimpor
tanti
nmyl
if
e
butIcan'
tpointitout"
Me:
"It
houghtIwas"
Imumbl
edt
hatpar
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Tel
lmeAboutyou"
Ibr
eat
hedi
nandout
.
Me:
"Andi
swaBhengui
sthename."
Il
etoutmyhandandhechuckl
ed.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Ifeellost,i
t'sli
kehugeevent sinmyl ifethatIcan't
remember .Idon' tknowwher etostartandt hepain
,theexcr uciati
ngpai nthatcomesf rom myback
,neckandheadi sunbear able.Thecar amel
skinnedl adyf r
om yest er
daycamet odayandIwas
withher .Ithoughtshei smy"wi f
e".Shei sr eal
ly
beautifulandIwonderhowmywi felooksl i
ke.What
madeusar guet oapoi ntthatIendedupher e.I
wisht oseeorr emembert hatwoman.Myf ami l
y
toldmeIgr aduatedi nvarsityandIboughtshar es
atVolkswagenandIhave3br anches. onein
Pretoria,pietermarit
zbur gandDur ban.Iown
anothergar agewi thKwando.Icanseet hatweal l
mar ri
edwi thVuyani, Sandil
easwel l ,
Nkonzo
,kwandoandMuzi .Theyal soment ionedIhave
beenmar ri
edf or5year sandmywi f
ei spregnant
butwhydoest hiswomanmakemef eelli
keshei s
soimportantImyli
feyetIcan'
tcr
acki
t.Iam
tr
yingbutallIf
eel
isheadaches.
Her:
"Andi
swaBhengui
sthename"
Shelet
southerhandandIchuckl
e.Haven'
tIhear
d
oft
hatbef
ore.Iletoutmyhand.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Andi
swa:
"IknowMbul
azi,
ImeanNt
ethel
elo"
Ismi
ledandshewant
edaway.
Me:"tel
lmeaboutyou.MaybeIcanf
indouthow
youknowme."
Andiswa:
"Iam t
heonlychi
ldathome.Iusedto
workatVol
kswagenasacleanerandIam doi
ng
par
tt i
mest
udyi
ngatUnisatobeat eacher
.
Me:
"Si
mpl
eli
fe."
Andi
swa:
"yesunt
ilyoucamei
ntoi
t"
Shemumbl
edagai
n.
Me:
"speakup"
Andi
swa:
"Not
hing,
l
ookIhavet
ogo.
Iam gl
adyou
ar
eok"
Sheki
ssedmyf
orehead."
Andi
swa:
"takecar
eofyour
sel
fformeMbul
azi"
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Shesmi ledandsqueezedmyhandandIwas
captivebyher .Iwassweatingj
ustbyhersaying
Mbul azi
.Shewal kedoutandIwasallalonein
thought.Ilookedtowardsthedoorwhereshe
disappearedtooandIsi ghed.Thi
sisfr
ustrat
ing
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Icouldn'
ttel
lhi
m whileheisinthestate.IguessI
shouldmoveont houghit'
sgetti
nghar derand
hardernowthathedoesn'trememberme.Icat cha
taxiandmyphoner angandi t
'sTri
stan.Lastnight
hewant edustotryanalanditwaspai nfulsoIdon'
t
wantt ot alkt ohim.Iam mad.Ir ejecthisnumber
andgetont hetaxionmywayhome.Iwasl ooking
outoft hewi ndow.Howdi dmyl ifegetso
compl icat edinashor tspaceoft ime?Pl easeIneed
tounder standt hat
.Iaskedt het axitodropmeof f
atadi stancesoIcanwal kandmaybecl earmy
mindwhi l
eati t.Theconduct ornoddedandt hen
theydr oppedmeof f.Istartedwal king.Asmuchas
Trist
anandIhadahungl astni ghtbuti tdidn'tf
eel
ri
ght.I t
'slikeIwasf or
cingt hingsf rom mysi de
whenIknowwher emyhear tis.Andwheni twant s
somet hi ngi tdi
sappearsliket hat.Whydi d
Ntethelel ohavet obemar ri
ed.Wecoul dbef arnow
i
fhewasn' t
.WhywasIt he" MI STRESS"?At21and
Iam t i
tledt hatandi twil
lfollowmet il
lIgot omy
fi
nalr est i
ngpl ace.Igothomeandopenedt hegate
andl ockedbef oregoinginsi deandIcl osedt he
door.It hrewmybagont hecouchandIsatdown
andsi ghed.
Me:
"Mom myl
if
eismessedup"
Therewassil
ence.I
t'
sli
keIexpecttohearher
response.
Ist
oodupandIwentt ochangebefor
eI
st
art
edcl
eani
ng.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Me:
"whatdoyoumeant
hathedoesn'
tremember
me?
"
Londi
e:"hedoesn'
t
.Evenus"
Isatdowndef
eat
ed.
Londie:"thi
sisanadvant
agegir
l,nowNtethel
elo
wil
lfallf
oryouagainandfor
getthedivor
ce"
Di
vor
ce,
ohyest
hat.
Me:
"Idon'
tknow."
Londi
e:"i
t'
snotl
ikewear
eusi
ngkor
obel
aont
he
guy"
Me:
"butIam sur
ehi
sbr
other
stol
dhi
m whatIdi
d"
Londi
e:"
evenso.
youj
ustchangeyourat
ti
tudeand
hewi
llf
allagai
n"
It
houghtf
orawhi
le.
Me:
"let
'spr
epar
eformyanni
ver
sar
ythen"
Londi
e:"t
hat
'st
hespi
ri
tchomi"
Qamowal
kedi
nandf
rowned.
Qamo:
"Unat
hil
et'
sleave"
Ist
oodup
Londi
e:"youar
egoi
ngt
oseeNt
ethel
elo?
"
Qamo:
"Idon'
tseei
tanyofyourbusi
nesswher
ewe
ar
egoi
ng"
Me:
"Iwi
llseeyou"
Shestoodupandt
ookherbagandkeysand
huggedme.
Londi
e:"Igotyouf
ri
end"
Me:
"thanks"
Shet
urned.
Londi
e:"Chi
ao"
Shesai
dwavingandIl
ookedatQamowhocl
icked
hert
ongue.
Qamo:
"si
esUnat
hi"
Me:
"don'
tst
artpl
ease"
SheclappedherhandsandIwenttotakemybag.I
wonderhowIwi l
lfeel
aft
ervi
sit
ingLethabo'
sgrave
af
tersomanyyear s.Wil
lIbeablet
ohandl ei
t.?I
walkedbacktoQamo.
Me:
"let
'sl
eave"
Wewentoutandgoti
nhercarbef
oreshedr
oveof
f
t
othecemeter
y.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
27] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t42
*UNATHI*
Aftervi
sit
ingLet habo.Iwasokaf tert
hat
.Ifeltl
ike
Ihavemycl osurenow.Qamor eal
lycamethrough
formeasmysi sterandIam grat
efulf
ornow
thoughbef oreheswi tchesup.
Idecidedtogoandvi si
tNtethel
elot
oday.Ican't
stayaway.Iwor eascar fandsunglassesandI
walkedint hehospitalandwentt ohisward.Londie
hadal r
eadyt ol
dme.Igoti nandhewaseat i
ng.
Thenur sewasf ixi
nghi spill
owandshet henturned
andwal kedoutasIt ookmysungl assesoffandI
wentt ohissideandhel ookedatme.
Me:
"baby"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Hi"
Ihel
dhi
shand.
Me:
"howar
eyou?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam ok.Whoar
eyou?"
SoLondi
ewasr
ight
.
Me:
"i.
..
Iam Unat
hiyourwi
fe"
Iheldhi
shandbuthemovedi
tandputi
tonhi
s
thi
gh.Iswal
lowed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Why?"
Myt
hroatbecamedr
y.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Whatdi
dIdot
oyou?"
If
eltal
umponmyt
hroat
.
Me:
"youcheat
edonmeandwant
edt
oleaveme."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:
"babyIl
oveyouandIdon'
twantt
olooseyou"
Hel
ookedatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canIt
ouchyourbump?"
TheoldNtet
helel
owouldhavesai
dhel ovesmet oo.
Iholdhi
shandandl i
ftmytopupandhet ouchesit
.
Hishandsarecoldyetr
emindmeofallthenight
s
theymademef eelwarm.
Me:
"canIhugyou?"
Henoddedandhehuggedme.If
eltmysel
fbeat
ease.
Me:
"il
oveyouNt
ethel
eloandIam sor
ry"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"If
orgi
veyou"
Hedi
dn'
tsayhel
ovesmeagai
n.
Me:
"youdon'
tloveme?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ishoul
dtakemypi
ll
sandr
est
."
Tear
swel
dedi
nmyeyes.
Me:"youloveherdon'
tyou!Af
terever
ythi
ng
Nt
ethel
elo!"
Heissil
entandl
ooksatme.Icl i
ckmyt ongueand
Iwalkout. Hel
ovesmer i
ghti
t'
sjusthedoesn'
t
rememberhowmuchhel ovesme.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

"Youdon'
tneedt
ocal
lanymor
e
Don'
tFuckwi
thyouatal
lanymor
e
YouDon'
tneedt
ost
allanymor
e,anymor
e
Wedon'
tkeepi
ntouchanymor
e
Cal
litevenl
oveanymor
e,anymor
e
Anymor
e,anymor
e,anymor
e,anymor
e
Usedt
obet
heonef
ormebaby,
baby
Usedt
obet
heone,
usedt
obet
heone
bet
heonebaby
You'
vebeenswi
tchi
nguponmel
atel
y,l
atel
y
you'
vebeenswi
tchi
ngup,
you'
vebeenswi
tchi
ng
up
Swi
tchi
ngup,
baby".
..
..
..
"
Workingatt hecasinoatnightisdrai ni
ng.Right
nowIwoul dbeonmywayt oseeNt ethel
elobutI
am cont emplati
ngwi t
hmysel f.Shoul dIgoandsee
him orjustcuttieswithhim.Myhear tmesays.Go
gir
l,gosuppor thim asafriendandmybr ainme
says,youar ethemi st
ress.Don'tgobutguesswhat?
Thehear twi
nsandher eIam ent er
ingt hehospit
al.
Igot ohiswar dandIst andbyt hedoorandl ookat
him.Hei sasleepandhel ookssohandsomewhi l
e
atpeace.Iwal ki
ngi nslowlyandendupst anding
nexttohi sbedsideandIr unmyf ingersonhi sbed
sideandl ookathi m.Andi swawhatar eyour eall
y
doingher e,t
hebr ainasksbutIi gnoreit.Isitdown
ont hechairandj ustlookathim andst udyhi s
features.Hiseyesf laptoopenandhedoesf inall
y
opent hem andbel i
evemeIenj oyedt hesight.He
turnshisheadandhef rownsabi tandheseemst o
bei npainbutmanagest oletoutasmal lsmi le.
Me:
"car
efulyouwi
llhur
tyour
sel
f"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
houghtyouwi
llnevercomeback"
Istoodupandhel
pedhi
m si
tupandhedr
ankwat
er.
Ifi
xedhispi
ll
ow.
Me:
"whyi
sthat?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
tknow.Ij
ustassumedIguess"
Ikeptqui
et.Wel
lhisassumpt
ionswerecl
ose
enough,Igotdonewithhi
spil
lowsandhehel
dmy
waist.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Myhear
twasbeat
ingf
ast
.
Me:
"Nt.
..
.Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyoumyf
ri
end?"
Thewor
df r
iendbr
okemyheartinmanywaysyou
cani
magine.Iswall
owedwhateverhur
tIgott
her
e
andr
esponded.
Me:
"NoNt
ethel
elowear
enotf
ri
ends"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thenwhyar
eyouher
e?"
Hedoesn'
twantmeher
e?
Me:
"Ishoul
dleave."
It
ookmybagandhehel
dmyar
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canwebef
ri
ends?
"
Fr
iends.If
eltt
ear
swel
dupi
nmyeyes.
Me:
"wecanneverbef
ri
endsNt
ethel
elo"
Igotoffhisgr
ipandhespokebehi
ndmewhenI
reachedthedoor
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Why?"
Me:
"Itwi
llhur
tme"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwon'
thur
tyou"
Ichuckl
edatt
hat
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"If
eell
ikeIneedyoui
nmyl
if
e"
It
urnedt
ohi
m.
Me:"Wecanneverbefr
iends,Ican'
tbei
nyourl
if
e
asanyt
hingt
hatr
elat
estoafri
end"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"gi
vemeagoodr
eason"
Me:"becauseIst
il
lloveyouNt
ethel
eloandi
twoul
d
hur
tmesogoodbye"
Iwalkedoutwipi
ngmyt ears,
it
'sl
ikeIwasloosi
ng
mybr eat
h.Myhear tcl
enchedandIjustst
oodby
theparki
nglotandheldontomychestandIjust
cri
ed.
Me:
"whydoesl
ovehur
t?"
Asobescapesmyl i
psasIheldonmyt hroatasifI
wasbeingchoked.Isatdown,evenift
ryitst
il
l
doesn'
twork.Ican'
tlethi
m goi
nsteadIwanthim
more.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

"BecauseIst
il
lloveyouNt
ethel
eloandi
twoul
d
hurtmetosogoodbye"
Herwor dskeptonri
ngingi
nmyhead.Hereyes
wer efullofpai
nandtearswerenearing.Iwas
i
nf ormedabouteveryoneinmyl i
feandneverabout
her.WhydoIf eel
li
kethis?WhydoIf eell
ostatt
he
verysamet i
me.Isighandmybr otherswal ki
nonly,
theyar emakingabitofnoise.
Me:
"myhead"
Them :
"sor
ry"
Thel
o:"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?"
Me:
"conf
used"
Ayanda:
"about?"
It
urnt
olookatt
hem.
Me:
"whoi
sAndi
swa?"
Theyl
ookatme.
Zamani:
"your
ememberher?"
Me:"no,noIdon't
.Li
kedi
dshepl
ayapar
tinmyl
if
e
bef
oretheinci
dent"
Mbongeni:
"al
oteveni
nthebedr
oom "
Ayanda:
"dude"
Hekeptqui
et.
Zamani:
"Uhm soi
t'
sli
ket
his."
Thel
o:"youcheat
edonyourwi
fe"
Mbongeni:
"wi
thAndi
swa"
Ayanda:
"butyoul
ovedt
hem bot
hevent
hought
he
wif
ewasdeadbeat"
Zamani:
"youevenwant
edt
omar
ryher"
Ayanda:"butyounevert
oldAndi
swayouwer
e
marri
ed."
Mbongeni:
"let
'ssayyougotbust
edandhur
tthe
gi
rlandnow hereweareaft
eryourcr
azywi
fe
l
andedyouhere"
Iwasint
hought
s.Idi
dn'
tknowhowt
odi
gestal
lof
thi
s.
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwhatt
osay"
AyandaPat
smyback.
Ayanda:
"sheisoneofakind.Shecar
esaboutyou
evenwhenyoufuckedherover"
Me:"Iaskedherifwecouldbef r
iendsandshe
r
efused.Shesaiditwi
llhurther"
Thel
o:"youcan'
tbef
ri
endswi
thsomeoneyoul
ove
romant
ical
ly"
Me:
"It
hinkaheadachei
scomi
ng"
Mbongeni:"Uyakuhl
anyi
sausuphathwa
nayi
khanda(shedr i
vesyoucr
azy,youevenhave
headaches)
"
Wel
aughed.
Ayanda:
"thi
sisyourchanceei
thert
ochange
t
hingsf
ort
hebestorwor
st.Choosewi
sel
y"
Zamani:
"yes.Doso,
wewi
ll
comeseeyoul
ater
."
InoddedandIl
aidonmybackast
heywal
kedout
.
Me:
"God"
Ibur
ri
edmyf
acei
nmyhands.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
28] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t43

ThemomentIgotoutoft hetaxiIfel
tnumb.I
couldn'tbef
ri
endswithhim,myf eeli
ngscouldn'
t
al
lowi tsoIj
ustwalkedtheroadhome.Ther oadof
painthatIam f
eeli
ng.Myhear ti
sstil
linpai
nandI
don'tknowhowt orel
easeit.IwishIcanr i
pmy
heartoutandjustputitonicesoitcancooldown
becauseitseemst obeburningme.Igethome
andIwal kthr
ought hedoorandKhuluzaishere.
Shet ur
nsandshef rownsbeforesmili
ngandIdrop
mybagandt hrowmysel fi
nherarmsandcr y.
Khul
uza:
"sshhmnt
anami(sshhmychi
ld)
"
Ij
ustsobbedonherchest
.
Khul
uza:
"ugogousakhonamanj
e.(your
gr
andmot
herisher
enow) "
Ifel
tthel
oveandwar
mthcomi
ngf
rom herandI
calmeddown.
Khul
uza:
"come"
Doessheknow?Thatiwasdat
ingamar
ri
edman?
Sheledmetomyroom andsatmeonmybed..
Khul
uza:
"si
ther
e"
Shewal kedoutandIsatonthebedandhel donmy
pil
low.Awhi l
elat
ershecamei nwithbat
hingwater
andwal kedoutandIstr
ippedandbathed.I
scrubbedmyselfoffhi
sscentyetitwasli
keit
's
stuckattheti
pofmynose.If i
nishedwashing
mysel
fandthenIgotdressedmymypyjamas.She
cameinwit
hat r
ayoffoodandteaandgavei
tto
me.Shetookmybat hi
ngbasin.
Me:
"Khul
uza"
Khul
uza:
"Nana"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Shesmil
edandpl
acedt
hebasi
ndownbef
oreshe
cameandki
ssedmyfor
ehead.
Khul
uza:
"Il
oveyout
oonoweatandt
henr
est"
Inoddedandshewal kedout.Iat
emyfoodand
thentookmyplatetotheki
tchenandshewas
hummi ngandcleani
ngup.
Me:
"Iwantt
ohel
p."
Khul
uza:
"opent
her
adi
o"
Idi
dopenther
adiof
orherandGospelmusi
c
i
mmediat
elypl
ayed.
Khul
uza:
"awuJesu(ohmyGod)
"
Shel
if
tedherhandsandIgi
ggl
ed.
Khul
uza:"youneedt
ofami
li
ari
zeyour
sel
fwi
th
pr
ayeratti
mes."
Me:
"It
hinkIshoul
d"
Isi
gh
Khul
uza:"Iknowsomethi
ngi
sbot
her
ingyoubutI
won'
task.Iam her
etogui
de"
Me:
"yousoundl
ikedad"
Khul
uza:
"hei
smysonaf
teral
l"
Ishookmyheadandhel
pedhercl
eanup.Aft
ert
hat
Icookedl
unchandt
henIwenttor
estabi
t.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Idon'teathospit
alfood.Mom al waysmakessure
properfoodisdeli
ver edformebymybr ot
hers.
Theysaydadi sinKznandIbel ievei
t'
shis
businessesthatarehol di
nghim.Iwaseat i
ng
beforeIdri
nkmypi lls.Idon'tknowwhyIwas
expecti
ngAndi swatowal kt
hrought hatdoorbut
shedidn't
.Shedi dn'
tcomebackatal l
.Isighedand
putmyf oodsi de"Choosewi sely"hesaid.SoI
cheatedonmypr egnantwif
e,whydi dIdot hatat
thesamet i
mewhydoesAndi swamakemef eell
ike
thi
s.Likeal ostpuppy.Ibuzzt henurseandaf ew
minuteslateronewalksin.
Nur
se:
"MrKhumal
o"
Me:
"whenam Ibei
ngdi
schar
ged?
"
Nur
se:
"Iam notsur
e.Iwi
llaskyourdoct
or"
Me:
"Ineedtol
eave.Ihaveover
stayedandmywi
fe
myneedsme."
Shenoddedandwal
kedout
.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Ihavebeent
ryi
ngAndiswaandshedoesn'
tgo
thr
oughIwonderwhatiswr
ong.Inotbacktot
he
daywewer ei
nti
mat eandmybl oodrushes.Slowl
y
butsurelyshewi llfallf
orme.IknowbecauseIwi l
l
makesur eshel ovesmet hewayIl oveher.She
wouldmakeaper fectmotherforAmberanda
perf
ectwi fe.Ihaveknockedof ff
rom workand
deci
dedt ogoandcheckonher .Igottoherstr
eet
andIpar kedtwohousesawayandIcal ledherand
i
trangunanswer ed.Ihuf fed.Whyisshenot
answering?Ical ledagai nandsheanswer ed.
Andi
swa:
"Hel
lo"
Me:
"comeout"
Andi
swa:
"Tr
ist
anI
..
..
"
Me:
"comeoutIwannaseeyou"
Ihungup.Whyi ssheacti
ngthi
sway?Ithought
wehadagr eatt
ime.Shecomesoutandscansthe
roadbef
oreshecomest owar
dsmycarandgetsin.
Andi
swa:
"Tr
ist
anI
..
..
"
Iper
kherl
ips.
Me:
"Hi"
Andi
swa:
"(si
gh)HiTr
ist
an"
Me:
"whati
swr
ongbaby?"
Andi
swa:
"us"
Me:
"whataboutus?"
Andi
swa:
"whatwedi
dwasami
stake."
Iswal
lowed.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Iwashur
t.
Andiswa:
"wecan'
tdothatanymoreTrist
anandit
's
aff
ecti
ngme.Youareanamazingguyandyouwi ll
fi
ndanamazingwomanwhowi llt
reatyoubet
ter
."
Me:
"IwantyouAndi
swa"
Sheshookherheadwi
tht
ear
s.
Andi
swa:
"I.
..
"
Ihel
dherandkissedherl
ipsandshepushedof
f
sl
owlyandlookedint
omyeyes.
Andi
swa:
"Iam sor
ryTr
ist
an"
Shegotoutoft
hecarandt
heminut
eshecl
osed
thedoormycheekswer
ewet.
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

TheDrwalkedi
nwhi
leIwaswatchi
ngt
hetvandI
l
oweredthevol
umeandtookof
fmyheadset
sandI
l
ookedathim
Dr:
"Ihear
dyouwant
edt
oleave"
Me:
"Ihaveover
stayed"
Dr:"Iwil
lbeabletodischar
geyout
omor
rowaf
terI
getyourX-r
ayresult
s."
Me:
"thankyou"
Dr:
"Ineedt
ocheckyourhead"
Heputhisowndownandhethenunwrapst
he
bandagefr
om myhead.If
li
nchabit
.
Dr:
"wewil
lleavet
hebandageoutf ornowsoitcan
dr
yandnotbemoistanditwi
llhealquickl
y"
Me:
"Ok"
Hetookt
hebandageandhewalkedoutandmy
si
ster
swalkedi
n.Khanyi
sil
ecametohugme.
Khanyi
sil
e:"Iam sor
ryIcoul
dn'
tcomer
ightawayI
wasinKenya"
Unami:
"endodeni(wi
thherman)
"
Khanyi
sil
e:"canyoukeepqui
et.?"
Ichuckl
ed.Shebr
ushedmycheek
Khanyi
sil
e:"howdoyouf
eel
li
tt
leone?
"
Me:
"Iam sogr
ownf
ort
hat"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Li
sa:
"okyoucr
owdi
nghi
m"
Unami:
"Isowantt
ohi
tyourbal
dheadbut.
..
."
Sheshr
uggedandwel
aughed.
Khanyi
sil
e:"
itwi
llbeok"
Li
sa:
"Iam st
il
lgoi
ngt
ohi
tyourwi
fe,
j
ustawar
ning
"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"shei
spr
egnant"
Khanyi
sil
e:"r
ight"
Unami:
"st
il
lwon'
tst
opme"
Me:
"wher
edoesAndi
swar
esi
de?"
Theyal
llookedateachot
her
.
Me:
"don'
tdot
hat
"
Li
sa:
"askyourbr
other
s.Theyknow"
Me:
"thankyou"
Wetal
kedmor
eandmor
eti
llt
heyl
eftwhenIwas
f
eel
ingdr
owsy
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
28] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t44
*
NTETHELELO*

Thef ol
lowi
ngday.Iwasget
ti
ngreadytobe
dischar
ged.Mom isher
eandsheisworri
edIcan
seeitbutshei
shidingi
twi
thasmile.
Me:
"mahur
yt?
(mom ar
eyouok?)
"
Mom :
"yesIam ok."
Me:
"Iam ok"
Shehugsme.
Mom :
"Iam gl
adyouar
eok"
Isnakemyar msar oundherandhugheraswel
l.I
feelherwar
mt h.TheDrwalksin.
Dr:
"Iam sor
ryt
odi
stur
b..
..
."
Mom:
"it
'sok"
Shesmi
les.
Dr:
"ihaveyourr
esul
tsher
e"
Me:
"ohok"
Isatont
hebedandheopenedt
heenvel
opeand
l
ookedattheX-
ray.
Dr:
"Iam gl
adyournecki
sn'
tbr
oken.Yourhead
t
hough"
Heputt
heX-
rayaway.
Dr:"yourheadisfi
nebutyouwi l
lexperi
ence
headacheshereandthere.Youmighthave
temporarymemor yl
ossorpermeant.Ifyou
experi
encepainf
ulheadachesitmeansyouar e
remember i
ngsomething"
Mom :
"i
sitawor
rysomepr
ecaut
ion?
"
Dr:
"nohewi
llbef
ine."
Hegavemetheenvel
opeandthedischar
geforms
t
osignandIsi
gnedthem andhandeditback
Dr:
"takegoodcar
eofyour
sel
f"
Me:
"thankyou"
Itookmythi
ngsandwewal
kedout
.Fi
nal
lyIam
goinghome
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iam gladIam wor ki

ngadayshi ftbecauseitwon' t
temptmet ogoandseeNt et
helelo.Ishould
distancemysel fandt hat '
swhatIam t ryi
ngt odo.
Wewer ecl eaningandpr epari
ngf ortherushhour
,Luncht i
met hatis.Thecasi nohasagambl i
ng
areaandal soar esturantforpeopl etojustgraba
bitebef or
et heyl oosesomewei ghtonst resswhen
allthei
rmoneyi sgambl edaway.Thesemachi nes
andgamesf ormear ejustat ri
ckt omakemoney
fortheirownpur posest hroughot herhardpeopl e'
s
earnedmoneyorcent s.Iwascl eaningat abl
e
wher ethecoupl ejustat ewhenmybossEvangel i
ne
camet owar dsme, inherpant suitandapen.
Evangel
ine:
"Andi
swa"
Shemot
ionedwi
thherf
inger
sthatIshouldf
oll
ow
her
.Ist
oppedwhatIwasdoingandIfol
lowedher
.
Wegott
oheroff
ice.
Evangel
ine:
"si
tdown"
Isatdownont hechairwhil
eshesatont het
able.I
wassilent.Herhairwast i
edbacki nt
oaneatti
ght
bun.Herpi nklipst
ickwasbrightcompli
menti
ngher
whit
epal eskin.
Evangel
ine:
"Andi
swa"
,
Me:
"Mr
sMi
ll
er"
,
Yessheismar
ried.Herhusbandboughtherthi
s
casi
noasagif
tbecauseshewasahousewi f
eand
wantedt
owork.Shetouchedupabi tont
hatand
someinf
ormat
ionIgotfr
om thestuf
f.
Evangel
ine:
"whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Iswall
ow.Shepour
sthewhi
skeyi
nherof
fi
ceand
takesasi
p.
Evangel
ine:
"youhavebeensl
acki
ng"
Me:"Iam sor
ryMr
sMul
leri
twi
llneverhappen
agai
n."
Evangel
ine:"Iam r
unni
ngabusinessherandIl
ike
you,j
ustbecauseIli
keyoudoesn'
tmeanIwon'tfi
re
youdarl
ing"
Me:
"Iunder
stand"
Evangel
ine:
"youcangetbackt
owor
k.Iam j
ust
warni
ngyou"
Inoddedandstoodup.Wowt hi
ngsjustgetworse
andworse.At
leastIwasn'
tfi
redthough.iwentback
towork.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Ijustcamefrom aDrsappointment
.Weshoul d
havewentwi t
hNt et
hel
elobutheisinthehospit
al.I
hopehef or
givesmeandf orget
sandwemovei n
becauseIwantmyhusbandback.Iwal ki
nsidethe
houseandIf i
ndmymot herinlawandmyst omach
turnsandshelooksatme.
Mah:
"hel
lomydaught
er"
Iwanttoclickmytongue.Theythrewmeoutbut
thatwon'tstopmefr
om comi nghere.Nt
ethel
elo
appearedfrom t
hestai
rs.
Me:
"ohmyGodbabyyouar
eback"
Iwenttohughi
m andki
sshi
scheek.Iwashappy
toseehim.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howar
eyou?Howi
sthebaby?"
Me:"t
hebabyi
sokandIam happyt
oseeyou,
I
mi
ssedyou"
Ist
eppedcl
oserandhi
smot
hercl
ear
edhert
hroat
.
Me:
"ist
her
eapr
obl
em ?"
Mah:
"Ineedsomewat
er"
Shewalkedof
f.Ismeared.Ilookedbackt
o
Ntet
hel
eloandhewaslookingdownonme.
Me:
"Wher
ewer
ewe?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ineedt
ogo"
Me:
"youj
ustcamehome"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ineedt
ocheckwor
kandt
hebui
ldi
ng
pr
ocess"
Me:
"ohokt
hen.Iwi
llbewai
ti
ngf
oryou"
Hesmiledandrubbedmystomacht
henhewalked
outl
eavinghi
sscentandhi
smother
.Shewalked
f
rom t
heki
tchen.
Mah:
"shoul
dImaket
eaf
oryou?
"
Me:
"youdon'
thavet
oask"
Iwal
kedupt hestai
rsleavi
ngherther
e.Igotinmy
bedr
oom andIam happyNt et
helel
ohasn't
menti
onedthedivorcesofarsowear ebackagai
n.
Me:
"li
fei
sgood"
Isai
dlayi
ngi
nthebed.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Rushhourcameandwewer euponourf eet

ever
ywhere.Minegottir
edalongthewayandhur t
fr
om allt
heupanddownandcommandsf rom the
customersbuti
t'
sworkandIhavet odoitinorder
togetpai
d.Iwenttothebathroom andt
ookof fmy
shoesandrubbedmyf eetabit
.Theywer eaching
andt heywerepai
ning.Isighedandsatt herea
l
ittl
elongerbef
oreIworemyshoesandwentt o
washmyhandsandl ookatmysel f
.Ihavel ost
somewei ghtandmyeyeshavedar kpatches
showi ngt
hatIhaven'
tbeenhavingmuchsl eep.I
sighandIdr ymyhandsbeforeIwal koutoft he
bathroom andwenttodomywor k.Iwentt ot ake
themenus.
"At
abl
efort
wo"
IturnedaroundandIalmostdroppedthemenus
butIdidn'
t.Hesmi l
edandhisdimplescameoutt
o
play,hiscolognehi
tmynostri
lsli
kenewf r
eshai
r
sendingti
nglesdownmyspi ne.
Me:
"thi
sway"
Atabl
efort
wo.Maybehei
shavi
ngl
unchwithhi
s
wi
fe.Ipl
acedt
hemenusandMrsMull
ercameour
way.
MrsMul
ler:
"MrKhumal
o.Sol
ovel
ytoseeyouher
e
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ihavehear
daboutthispl
acefr
om thi
s
l
ovelywomanandIthoughtIshoul
dtr
yitout"
Mr
sMul
ler:
"of
cause,
i
syourwi
fej
ointyou?"
Ntet
hel
elo:"nobutIwoul
dlovet
ohavel
unchwi
th
oneofyourstuf
fmembers"
Hesai
dthatl
ooki
ngatme.
Mr
sMul
ler:
"Iwi
llgetacandi
dat
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"no,
Iwoul
dli
kei
ttobeher"
Hesai
dpoi
nti
ngatme.
Mr
sMul
ler:
"Andi
swa"
Ididn'
tknowwhatt osay.
shepull
edachairforme
andsatmedown.Iwasst i
lll
ostf
orwordsti
llshe
di
sappear ed.Il
ookedbackathim andheisl
ooking
atme.Thebal dlookwasnothisstyl
ebuthewas
sti
llhandsome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"Yes"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantust
otal
k"
Inoddedshowi
ngi
nter
est
.Awai
tercame.
Hi
m:"Gooddaysi
r,Iwi
llbeyourwai
terf
ort
oday
,
canIgetyouanyt
hing?
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Wat
erf
ornow,
butsomet
hingmeat
y
f
orfood."
Ichuckl
ed,
hel
ooksatmeandsmi
led.
Hi
m:"Andi
swa?
"
Me:
"somewi
neandseaf
ood"
Henoddedandwal
kedof
f.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youdr
ink?
"
Me:
"notmuch"
Recent
lyst
art
edwhenshi
thi
tthef
an.
Me:
"wher
eisUnat
hi?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"at
-home"
Me:
"whydi
dn'
tyoucomewi
thher"
Ntet
helel
o:"Iwantedt
oseeyou.Youarenothar
d
tofi
nd.Iwenttoyouhomeaft
erIaskedmy
brot
hersfordi
rect
ion"
Me:
"ri
ght,
yousai
dweneededt
otal
k"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yes,
Andi
swa"
Hereachedf
ormyhandsAri
esthet
abl
eandhe
hel
dthem.Theywerer
oughyetwar
m.Showshei
s
handyinmechani
caswel
l.
Me:
"myhands"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"If
eelbet
terwhenIhol
dthem.I
t'
sli
keI
won'
tfai
nt"
Il
aughedhechuckl
ed.
Me:
"ok"
Ihel
dhi
m backandhesmi
led.Godt
hosedi
mpl
es
j
ustmakehi
m cute.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatyousai
dyest
erday"
,
Myhear
twasr
aci
ng.
Me:"Iwasst
ati
ngt
het
rut
h.Ican'
tbef
ri
endswi
th
you"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youl
oveme?
"
Il
ookedathi
m."
Me:
"yes"
Ourbever
agescameandIpul
ledmyhandst
o
myselfandt
henwet hankedt
hewait
erandhadour
dri
nks.Thewinewil
lcalm medownabit
.Thi
s
seemstooverwhel
medmeal ot.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whodoIl
ove?
"
Il
ookedathi
m wi
thagr
own.
?
Me:
"Iam sor
rycanyousayt
hatagai
n"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iam conf
usedastowhoIlove.Ther
e
aret
wowomenIl ove,
asithadbeensai
dbutIam
conf
used"
Me:
"don'
tbeconf
usedyoul
oveyourwi
fe"
Idr
inkmywi
neandhehasn'
ttouchedhi
swat
er.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whydoIf
eel
connect
edwi
thyout
he
most?"
Myhear
tski
psabeat
."
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Ther
eissi
lence.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canwebef
ri
ends.I
fyoucan'
ttakei
t
wewi
llgoourseper
ateways."
Isigh.Idon'
twantt
odot
hat
.Idon'
twantt
obehi
s
fr
iend.Istoodup.
Me:
"byeNt
ethel
elo"
Hest
oodupaswel
l.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa!"
HeshoutedaftermeasImademywayoutt othe
backandjustcri
ed.Thebackdooropenedaswel
l
andIjustst
oodt her
eandl
etthet
earsfl
ow.
"Andi
swa"
Me:"pl
easedstayawayf
rom meNt
ethel
elo,
gof
ind
anot
herfr
iend"
Hecamecl
oserandhest
oodI
nfr
ontofme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idi
dn'
tmeant
oupsetyou"
Me:
"upsetmeNtet
hel
elo!Youl
iedt
ome,youused
meandyoumademeloveyousodeepl
y"
Isai
dthatwhil
ehitt
inghi
schestwi
thmyweakf
ist
s
notcar
ingatal
l.Iwasangry.
Me:"Ihat
ehowmuchIl oveyou.Ihat
ehowyou
don'
trememberanyt
hingandmakemel ookl
ikea
fool
!"
Hewr
appedhi
sar
msar
oundmeandIj
ustcr
ied.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"Idon'
twantyoursor
ri
es.Youdamagedme."
Hebr
eakst
hehugandwi
pesmyt
ear
s.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryf
oral
lthet
hingsIdi
d."
Istoodonmyt oesandhel dhisneckandki ssed
him.Wewer ebot hsti
llbeforeher eturnedthe
favourholdi
ngmywai st.Theki sswassl owandful
l
offemotionsthroughit.Ifelli
nl ovewi thhi
m al
l
overagain.Athousandr easonswhyIl ovehi
m and
sti
lll
ove.Ibroket hekissslowlyandpl acedmy
handsonhi schestandmyhead, l
ist
eni ngt
ohis
heartbeat.
Me:
"Il
oveyousomuchMbul
aziandi
thur
tsme."
Hewrappedhi
sar
msar
oundmeandIf
eltl
ike
home.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
28] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t45

*NTETHELELO*

Idi
dknowwhatt odo.Thepai nfulsobsshewas
rel
easi
ngmovedmeandIknewt hatIhaddamaged
hersomehow.Iwi shIcanr emembersowecan
tal
kaboutsomet hi
ngwebot hknow.Mychesti s
wetandIjustletherbe.Iam justhuggingherinto
comfortbecauseIdon'tknowatt hi
spoi nt.She
sni
ffsandshel i
ft
sherheadupandIwi pehertears.
Shehasn'tsl
eptproperl
yandit'snoticablefr
om her
eyebags.
Me:
"youneedt
orest"
Andi
swa:
"Iwi
ll"
Me:
"let
sgoi
nsi
de."
Itookherhandandheldherandwewalkedi
nsi
de
thecasi
no.Evangel
i
newaswal ki
ngar
oundand
seemsshewasmoni tori
ngthi
ngs.Wegottoher
.
Evangel
ine:
"ohenj
oyedyourl
unch?"
Me:
"wewi
llt
akei
tont
hego"
Evangel
ine:
"we?"
Shel
ookedbet
weenmeandAndi
swa.
Me:"sheneedstorestandIwasaski
ngi
fyoucan
r
eleaseherear
ly."
Evangel
ine:
"whatseemst
obet
hepr
obl
em oft
he
l
ackofrestAndi
swa?"
Shewasqui
etf
iddl
ingwi
thherf
inger
s.
Me:
"hersi
sterdi
ed"
Evangel
ine:
"ohmy,
Iam sor
ry."
ShehuggedAndi
swawholookedatmewitha
quest
ioni
ngl
ook.Idi
dn'
tknowwhattosay.
Evangel
ine:
"takeaweekof
f.That
'swhyyouwer
e
di
stract
edatwork."
Andi
swa:
"yesmam.Thankyou.Iwi
llt
akemybag
"
Shewal
ksof
f
Evangel
ine:
"Iwi
llt
ellt
hewai
tert
omakeyourf
ood
onthego"
Me:
"thankyou"
Shewalkedoff
.Myphoner angandUnat
hifl
ashed.
Mywife,Idon'
tknowwhybutwhydoesitfeel
wrongtobewithher,
thatIam mar
ri
edtoher.I
answer
.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Unat
hi:
"Iam wai
ti
ngf
oryou"
Me:
"ohok"
Ihungupbef
oreshecansayanythingelse.Whatif
sheki
ll
smeinmysleepthisti
me.Ineedt obuya
newhouseandoncemychi l
dcomesIneedt o
admit
tedt
hatwomaninanment ali
nsti
tutebecause
i
tseemsli
keshehaslostafewscrews.Andi swa
comesbackwi
thherbagandpaperbagandIt
ake
bot
h.
Me:
"youok?"
Shenoddedwithafaintsmil
easwewal kedoutand
wenttomycar.Iopenedt hedoorf
orherandshe
goti
nandIclosedthedoorandwentt omyside
andgoti
naswel landthenIdroveof
f.
Me:
"canwepasssomewher
efi
rst?"
Shenoddedallsil
entandInoddedaswellkeepi
ng
mymout hshut.Idrovetomeetsomeagents.I
don'
tfeelsaf
earoundt hatcr
azywoman.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Motheri
nl awboughtteaandsomebakedtreats
bef
oreshewal kedout.Iwasonthephonecallwit
h
Zama.Ifeell
ikeIhaven'
ttal
kedt
oherinfor
ever.
Me:
"Sot
heanni
ver
sar
ycel
ebr
ati
oni
son"
Zama:
"whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?"
Me:
"doi
ngwhat?"
It
akeabi
teof
fthesebakedt
reat
s.
Zama:"abusi
ngNt
ethel
elo,
hur
ti
ngt
hatmanl
oves
youorl
ovedyou"
Me:
"hel
ovesme"
Zama:
"whyhur
thi
m.?"
Me:
"I.
..
.Idi
dn'
tmeant
o"
Zama: "
(chuckling)i t
'snotthefir
stti
me.How
manyt i
meshasNt ethelel
obr okensomethingor
hasawoundbecauseofyouandhest il
lstayedand
l
ovedwhenhewasnotcheat i
ng!Yourbehavi oris
whatispushedhi m.Iam notevengoi ngt osay
pushinghim causeyoudi d!Youdidthattoyour self
UnathiandIwi shNt et
heleloremember severything
sohecandi vorceyourass, Nxkeeponl i
steni
ngt o
l
ondieandcomf ort
ingyouwi t
hliebutsheknows
shedoesn'tdot hatshittoVuyani!Youdi sgustme
Unathi,youjustlostagoodman"
Shehungupaf
tert
hatandIt
ookt
imet
odi
gest
everyt
hing.Tearsstreameddownmycheeks.I
tr
iedtocallNtethel
elobuti
tdidn'
tgot
hrough.Di
dI
l
oosehi mr eal
ly?
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Idon'
tknowwhyIl ef
twithNtet
helel
o.Idon'tknow
whywel i
edtomybossbutwej ustdid.Iam j
ust
ti
redofcr
yingnow.Wewentt ohiser r
andandhe
hasbeentryi
ngtomakesmal lt
alkbutIwasr eall
y
i
nnomood.YesIwasver yti
redaswel landthi
s
thi
ngreal
lydrai
nedme.Al lmyenergy.Ifel
lasleep
whil
ethecarwasmovi ngandsoothingme.
IwokeupandIwasi nabedandbyt hecoveri t
's
notmybed.Iwasi nat-shi
rtandsweatpant s.I
yawnedandlookedaroundandIreali
sedIwasi n
Ntet
hel
elo'
sfl
at.Iam seewhyIam her ereallyi
fhe
knowswhereIli
ve.Iwalkedoutofthebedr oom
andwentt othebat
hroom andIfreshenedupand
wenttotheloungeandhewassi tti
ngont hecouch
wit
hhisbackt ome.Hewassi lentandsoast he
wholeplace.Iwal
kedovertohi
ssi deandsatnext
tohi
m.Hewashol dingaphotoframer unninghis
fi
ngersonit.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoar
ethey?"
HelookedatmeandIsmi
led,
Itookt
hephot
o
f
rame.
Me:"thi
sismewhenIwasyoungandmymother
(smil
i
ng)andthati
syouwhenyouwer
eyoung"
Ist
aredati
tforawhi
le.
Me:"Youstolet
hispi
ctur
efr
om mybag.Iusedt
o
car
ryitever
ywhere"
WhenIwasaki
dInevert
houghtIwoul
dhavet
hese
pr
obl
ems.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yourmot
heri
sbeaut
if
ul.
"
Me:
"thankyou,
shedi
edt
hreeyear
sago"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:"shewasgunneddownonherwayhomef
rom
wor
k"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:"i
t'
sok,Iam l
ear
ningt
oli
vewit
hthepai
n.I
havemyfat
herbutsometi
mesIam wor
ri
edover
hi
m."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ican'
timagi
nel
oosi
ngmymot
her"
Me:
"shei
sani
ceper
son"
Ntet
helel
o:"yetmywi
fedi
srespectsher
.You
shoul
dhaveseenthewayshetalked"
Ihel
dhi
shand.
Me: "I
nlif
ewehavet oatsomepointmaketough
decisi
ons.Goddidn'
tputyoui
nthatposi
ti
onforno
reason.Behappyyouareaboutt
obeaf at
her"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"If
eelempt
yAndi
swa"
Me:
"sameher
e"
Ther
ewassi
lenceagai
nandheputt
hef
ramedown.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"tel
lmewhatIneedt
oknow.Pl
ease"
Me:"Idon'
tknowyourl
if
ethatmuch.Youuset
o
hi
desomepar t
sofi
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"tel
lmehowwemet"
Ismiledwhi
ler
ememberi
ngt
hatday.Il
ookedat
him andhesmi
ledt
oo.
Ntet
hel
elo:"i
tmighthavebeenbeaut
if
uli
fyou
smil
eli
kethat"
Me:
"it
'smemor
abl
e."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"tel
lmeabouti
t."
Me:"let
'sacti
tout
.Maybeyouwi
llr
emember
bet
ter"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
Iwenttothefr
idgeandsear
chedforbot
tl
edwater
andIfoundtwoandsauces.It
ooktheout.Iwal
ked
tohi
m.
Me:"nowwhathappenedwas.Iusedtoworkin
yourbr
anch,Vol
kswagenasacleanerandIheard
aboutt
hisbosst
hathadar
ri
vedunexpectedl
y.Iwas
newsoIdi
dn'
tknowyou.
Mymi ndwondersoffpl
ayi
ngal
lthoseevent
swhi
le
Inar
rateandexpl
ain.
_
___
___

"Outofnowhereaguycamef r
om underthecar
weari
ngblueoverr
all
s,Idroppedt
hewat erbott
les
outofbei
ngsurpri
sedandhebentdownandIwent
downtooquickl
yandhi shandswereoily
Me:"Iam sor
ry.Ij
ustgotf
ri
ght
enedbyt
hewayyou
appear
ed"
Hi
m:"i
t'
sok"
Icoll
ectedallofthe4col
dwaterbott
lesandwe
stoodup.Hel etouthi
shand,
Ishooki tandIhear
d
chuckleandhechuckledanddimplesappearedon
hisface.Verydeepandmadehiml ookhandsome
thanheal r
eadyis.Doesheworkhereaswel l
?
Me:
"Uhm Andi
swa"
Ipul
ledmyhandbackandhiswasst
il
lther
e.
Laughterwasf
il
ledi
nthewhol
egar
age.
Hi
m:"CanIhavet
hewat
er?"
.
..
..
..
..
Hi
m:"HeyAndi
swa"
Ipoppedachi
pinmymout handswol
lowed,
greet
edwit
halow"Hi"f
il
ledwit
hembarrassment.
Hechuckl
ed.
Hi
m:"Idi
dn'
tint
roducemysel
f."
Me:
"pl
easest
op.Thatwasembar
rassi
ngenough"
Hechuckl
edandIwasf
lushed.Iwant
edt
obehome
andcr
y.
Hi
m:"wel
litwasn'
t"
Me:
"foryoumaybe"
Hi
m:"Nt
ethel
elo"
Il
ookedathim andhewasstil
linhi
sover
ral
lsdi
rt
y
wi
thoilbutyoucoul
dsti
llseehi
shandsomeface
wi
thdimples.
Me:
"youf
orgi
vemef
ormycl
umsyness?"
Hel
aughedandi
twasdeepbutsmoot
handyou
canher
ehehasadeepr
ichvoi
ce.
Hi
m:"Not
hat
'smynameMsAndi
swa.
..
..
."
Me:
"Bhengu"
Hesmi
ledandIf
oundmysel
fsmi
li
ngr
ightback.
Me:
"wantsome?"
Iof
fer
edmyf
ri
es.Heshowedmehi
shands
Hi
m:"Idon'
twantt
oeatoi
lsopoponei
nmymout
h
"
Me:
"that
'si
nappr
opr
iat
e"
Hechuckl
ed
Hi
m:"j
ustone"
Itookoneandheopenedhi
smout
handIpopped
oneinandatemyfry.
Hi
m:"Thatwasni
ce"
Ismi
led.
Hest
oodupdust
inghi
msel
f..
Hi
m:"I
twasni
cemeet
ingyouAndi
swaBhengu"
Me:
"yout
ooNt
ethel
elo.
..
..
..
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Hi
m:"Khumal
o"
Me:
"ohMnt
ungwa"
.
..
..
..
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hel
paf
ri
endoutwi
thabr
uise"
Hehandedat owelt
omeandIt ookoutthei
ce.I
wantedtobeoutofhereal
ready.Iwentonmy
kneesbyhisheadandheremovedhishandfrom
hisfor
ehead.Yohthatl
ooksbig.Iwantedt
olaugh
butIheldmysel
f.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ha,
l
aughatmypai
n"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ikeptast
rai
ghtf
ace.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Smi
le"
Iwasdabbingt
heiceonhisfor
eheadandIpr
essed
onhi
sbruiseandhegroaned.
Me:
"bepat
ientsot
heswel
li
ngcangodownMr
Khumal
o"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"cel
aungi
thakazel
efut
hi(pl
easecan
yousaymyclannamesagain)"
Il
ookedathi
m ashi
sbr
eat
hingwassl
owandcal
m.
Me:
"Mbul
azi"
Il
ookedathi
m andhesmi
ledl
ikeaki
d.
Ntet
helel
o:"Awaziungenzani(youdon'
tknowwhat
youaredoingt
ome) "
Igotr
idofmysmileandt
ookhi
shandandpl
acedi
t
onthetowel
.Ist
oodup.
Me:
"It
hinkyoucant
akei
tfr
om her
e"
Hesatup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
.
..
..
..
..
Myeyesl andedonhi
m si
tti
ngamoungstt hemen
whower ewatchi
ngandshari
ngZulubeer.I
swall
owed.Whatishedoi
ngher e?Howdi dhe
knowwher eIl
ive?Whoinformedhim ofsuchan
event.
Iswall
owandhestandsupandwal ks
towardsme,Iam sweat
ing.Isuddenl
yfeelhot
ter
thanbefor
e.Het
akesoutaf ewhundredrand'
sand
pinst
hem onmybeddingsandwhi sper
sinmyear .
"Umuhl
eNt
okazi(youar
ebeaut
if
ul)
"
Isuddenl
yfeelmykneesfai
lmeandhedoesaf ew
Movesbeforehegoesandsit
sdown.Hei sgood.
Hesmi l
esandIlookawaybefor
ethosedi
mples
l
uremei n.
.
..
..
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaIwantyou"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloyouar
emyboss.I
..
..
"
Hesteppedclosert
omeandt ookthepresentand
puti
tonthetopofthecarandpul
lmet ohim
Me:
"Tr
ist
ani
syourbossnotme"
Mybreat
hingisslowandsof
t.Icanf
eelt
hatIwi
ll
l
oosemybal ance.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Hehol
dmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"gi
vemeachanceAndi
swa"
Iput
smyhandsonhi
schest
.
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"gi
veusaachance"
Iam si
lent
.
"Andi
swa!"
Ipushesmysel
fof
fhi
sar
ms.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo.Thanksf
orcomi
ng"
.
..
..
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
eMbul
azi"
Hesmil
edandperkedmyli
psbeforemovi
ngi
nsi
de
ofmegent
ly.Thepainwasst
il
lther
e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"rel
axbaby"
It
ri
edtoandthat'
swhenpl
easurest
art
edt oki
cki
n
aswel
l.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhim ashe
movedsl
owlyinsi
deme.
Me:
"ohmmh"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swa,
neverdoubtt
hat
.
Neverdoubtme.Youar
emi
ne"
Me:
"Iam your
s!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam your
s"
Me:
"Aahyouar
emi
ne!
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
.
..
..
..
Mercy:
"guysthisi
smyf
ri
endAndi
swa,
Andi
swa
t
hisisNkonzo"
Shewentonint
roduci
ngt
hem astowhoi
swho'
s
husbandandwegottoNt
ethel
elo
Mercy:
"andthat
'sUnat
hiandherhusband
Nt
ethel
elo"
Iswearmyhear tbr
okeat housandti
mes.If el
tli
ke
mysoulleftme.It houghtit'
shi
ssist
er.Shegave
meal ookasIstret
chedmyhandt oshakethei
r
handsandi twasshaking.Icl
earedmyvoicefrom
whateverthatwas.
Me:
"ni
cet
omeetyou"
.
..
..
..
"Andi
swa"
IheldmychestandIj
ustwentdownonmyknees
tr
yingtofi
ndanswer
sonmyown.Whydi dhedo
mel i
kethat?Whydi
dhehurtme?Hecrouched.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryAndi
swa"
Me:"(t
ryi
ngtobr
eath)Idon'
twantyoursor
ri
es
Nt
ethel
elo.Why?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Il
oveyouandInevermentt
ohur
tyou
"
Me:"youhurtme.Iam hurt
ingbecauseofyou.
Youdon'
tlovemedon'
ttellmethatrubbi
sh!"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa,
pleasecanIexpl
ain"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"Idon'
twantyourexpl
anat
ion"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam st
il
lyourMbul
azisugarpl
um."
Me:"Idon'
tknowt
hismonst
erwhobr
okeme
i
nfr
ontofme"
Hi
seyeswer
egl
ossy.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
twannal
ooseme"
Me:
"youl
ostmet
hemomentyoul
iedt
ome"
Hehel
dmeasIwast
ryi
ngt
ofi
ghthi
m of
fbuthe
hel
dme.
Ntethel
elo:
"scream hi
tme,shoutatmebutdon'
t
hateme, Il
oveyou,don'tl
eaveme.Iwon'tst
andit,
Me:"
(cr
ying)Youbr
okemeNt et
hel
elo,
yourui
ned
meandithur
tssomuch.Ihat
eyou,Idon'
twant
you"

_
___
___
_
Istoppedher
e.Ist
oppedexpl
aini
ngandhewas
standi
nginfr
ontofme.Iwipedmyt ear
s.He
wrappedhisarmsaroundmeandIjustsighed.
Ntet
hel
elo:"Iam sor
ryIcausedyouallt
hatpai
n
andIam sorryf
ornotrememberingever
ythi
ng."
Me:
"it
'sok"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
swi
thhi
shel
p.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"weshar
edsomet
hingspeci
al"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"yeah"
Hehel
dmywai
standhi
sfacewasi
nchesaway.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canweshar
eitagai
n?"
Il
ookedi
ntohi
seyesswal
lowi
ng.
Me:
"idon'
tknow."
Hehel
dmycheekandper
kedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sokt
hen"
Hesmi l
ed.AndIst
oodonmyt oesandkissedhim
.heheldmywaistbutIwasgi vingupstandingon
mytoesbecauseNtethel
eloiswayt al
lerthanme.
HepickedmeupasIwasgi vi
ngupandt hekiss
car
ri
edon.Hebr okethekiss.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
hinkIl
oveyou"
Iki
ssedhi
sli
psbackandhesmi
ledandhi
sdi
mpl
es
cameoutt
oplay.
Ne:
"youar
emi
neMbul
azi"t
hel
ookedatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam your
s."
Hekissedmeandpl acedmeont hecoldcount er
andki ssedmyneck.Ican' tfightwhatt hehear t
wantsr ight?Ijusthavetobepr eparedf oranythi
ng.
Hiscol dhandsl i
ppedunderthet heoryandhe
cuppedmyboobsandsqueezedt hem asmy
breathinghinched.Ibitmybot t
om lipandhi shands
gotwar merandwentt otheli
neoft hesweat pant
s.
Iheldhi sarmsandki ssedhisneckandwentt ohis
j
awl i
neandski dmysmal lhandsunderhi sbestand
pull
edi toffandhesmi ledandIal sosmi led.GodI
l
ovet hismanmor ethananything.[Cont entfound
i
nt hegr oup]

.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
29] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t46
*TRI
STAN*

Iwasl ayi
ngont hebedst ari
ngatt hecei l
ing.Love
i
snotf orme, eversinceIl ostEmi l
yIhaven' tbeen
havingt hebestofl uckandanyi nterestinfindinga
woman.Ij ustwant edt ofindtheper fectpartnerfor
meandaper f
ectmot herforAmber .Andiswawasi t
,shei sitandshej ustslippedaway, sli
ppedt hrough
myf ingerint
oamar ri
edmansar msandhear t
.I
wishIcanchangeever ythingandmakeherl oveme
l
ikeIl oveherbutthat '
simpossi bleatt hi
smoment .
ThedooropensandIt akeapeakandi t'
sMom
walkingi nwit
hAmber .Shef etchedherf rom
CrecheandIguesst heywentt oabi tofyou
shoppi ng.Amberj umpsonme.
Amber:
"papal
ook"
Il
ookathert
eddybear
.
Me:
"it
'sbeaut
if
ulhoney"
Mom :
"Ambergoandpl
aywi
thyourt
oy."
Shwki
ssedmycheek.
Amber:
"il
oveyoudaddy"
Me:
"Il
oveyoubaby"
Shegotoffmeandwentout
.Mom satbesi
deme
andshelookedatme.
Mom :
"it
'sagi
rli
sn'
tit"
Ikeptqui
et.
Mom :"Mat
sidi
soist
hereandshewi
llmakea
per
fectmot
herforAmber"
Me:
"mamapl
ease"
Mom :
"what?Youwantt
hatgi
rlyoucamewi
tht
o
myhouse"
Me:
"asamot
heryoushoul
dbehappyf
orme."
Mom :
"Iwon'
tbehappyi
fyouchoosepover
ty"
Me:
"wowok."
Ist
oodup.
Mom :
"wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?"
Me:
"Iwantai
r"
Iwalkedoutwit
hhershout
ingmyname.Shenever
l
ikesanyofthewomenIam int
erest
edi
nandt
hat
i
rri
tatesmealot
.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Whydoesf orbiddenf rui

tstastethesweet est.Why
doest hebadt hingsmakeyourbl oodr ushmor e
thanthegoodt hings.?Whydor ulesgetbr okenall
thetimeandst i
llitdoesn'tmakeachange?Whyi s
allofthat?NowIknow.Lovecanmakeyoudoal ot
ofcrazyt hings.Ot hersmi ghtthi
nkIam st upid
somemi ghtknowwhatIam f eelingatt hemoment
butlovei sbl ind.Youcangeti nLoveandt hi
nkyou
arepr epar edandi tstart
st oshowyouwhatt hey
alwaysmeanwhent heysayl ovei sblind.Itblinds
youal otthatevent hesmar testpeopl einschool
l
ookf ool i
shf r
om i t.Love, youcanneverbet oo
smar tfrom i tbutl earnfrom it
.Heki ssesmy
foreheadint
errupti
ngmef r
om mythoughtsandI
l
ookupathi m .Iam l
ayi
ngonhischestandhis
heartbeatissoothingmeatthemoment.Iwon'tli
e.
Ilovetheinti
mat emomentwehadandIf elli
nlove
withhim more.Isigh.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"anyt
hingwr
ong?
"
Heremovesthehairf
rom myeyesandhi
sar
msact
l
ikeabl
anketaroundmybody.
Me:
"Noj
usti
nthought
s."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sor
ryi
fIover
stepped"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"Noyoudi
dn'
t.Youdi
dnot
hingatal
l"
Isatupandhedoest
hesameaswel
l
.
Me:
"Yourwi
femustbewonder
ingwher
eyouar
e"
Isayget
ti
ngoutoft
hebedandIsear
chformy
phone.Maybedadi
slooki
ngformeandKhul
uza.
Hepull
smebacktothebedandhechuckl
eswhi
leI
fr
own.
Me:
"Icoul
dhavebr
okenmyneck"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Butyoudi
dn'
t"
Me:
"Ineedt
oleave"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canyoushutupf
orasecond?
"
Ok.Ikeptmypi
ehol
equi
etandhesi
ghed.
Ntet
helel
o:"youarefrustr
atingandit'
ssounding
myhead.Onemi nuteyouwantmeandactwar m
andkissmeandwehavesexandIl ikeyoualot
fr
om that
.Heckitfeelsli
keloveandt henyouwant
toactcol
dnow.What 'syourissueAndiswa?"
Hel
ookedatmeandhewasi
rr
it
atedbyt
hel
ooks.
Me:
"you"
Ntet
helel
o:"st
opcr uci
fyi
ngforthi
ngsIcan' t
remember.Iownedupt othatandapologized.The
minuteIapol
ogizedyoushouldhavewal kedawayif
youknewyouwer egonnatr
eatmel i
kethisafter
."
Ikeptqui
et.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
edr
ivi
ngmecr
azy."
Hwgotupf r
om t
hebed.Ilookedathi
m ashe
di
sappear
edtothebat
hroom.Isatther
eandIwas
i
nt houghts.Idolovehim butIdon'
twantt
obein
painagain.Hedoesn'tknowhowmuchpai nhe
causedme.If eell
ikeper
iodpainsarecomi
nginbut
notasstrong.Hecomesbackoutandhi sface
seemscal mer.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryf
ort
hat"
Me:
"Whatdoyouwant?"
Hel
ooksatmei
naquest
ioni
ngl
ook..
Me:
"fr
om us.Fr
om t
his?"
Hel
ooksatme.
Ntet
helel
o:"IwantustogoondatesIwantust
o
ki
ss,Iwantustobetoget
her.Ir
eall
ywantyou
Andi
swa."
Me:"whataboutUnat
hi?Youwi
llmar
ryt
hebot
hof
us?"
Ntethelel
o:"IknowmyanswersbutIwantyour
opinions.Voi
ceoutyourf
ear
saswell."
Me:"IloveyouNtet
hel
elo.Ir
eal
lyl
oveyouandI
wanttobewi t
hyou"
Ntethel
elo:"eveni
fitmeansImar
ryyouasmy
secondwi f
e?"
Isi
ghedandnodded.Heki
ssedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sdat
eforamont
hagai
n"
Me:
"whatdoyoumean?"
Ntet
hel
elo:"ngizi
khi
phazonkednextmont
h(Iam
payi
nglobolaforyounextmonth)
"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Si
hlei
sizul
usakho(Il
oveyourZul
u)"
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Ismi
ledandki
ssedhi
m.
.
.
.
*ZAMA*
Kwandowalkedi
nthr
oughtheki
tchendoorfr
om
t
hegarageandheputhi
sphone,carkeysandwent
t
othefri
dge.
Me:
"youdon'
tgr
eetanymor
e"
Hechuckl
ed.Hecamemywayandhel dmywai
st.
Heputthebot
tl
edwat
erdownandki
ssedmyneck.
Kwando:
"Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"iam ok.Besi
desUnat
hiIam ok"
Kwando:
"whatdi
dshedo?"
Me:
"shewi
lll
ooseNt
ethel
elo"
Het
ookasi
pof
fhi
swat
er.
Kwando:
"shel
osthi
m"
Me:
"How?"
Kwando:"i
thasn'tbeenlongsi
nceNtet
hel
elo
menti
onedthedivorcebefor
ehisi
nci
dent"
Me:
"wow"
Kwando:
"Iknowbaby"
Me:
"shemadeherbed.Sheshoul
dlayoni
t."
Heputt
hebot
tl
edwat
erdown.
Kwando:
"HowaboutIshakeyourbed.?"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Kwandokuhl
e"
Kwando:
"whatdoyousay?
"
Ihel
dhi
sfaceandgavehi
m aper
k
Me:
"Imi
ghtr
ockyourwor
ld."
Hesmir
ksandpi
cksmeupbef
orer
unni
ngupt
he
st
air
swit
hme.ThismanmyGod.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Idrovehome.Ican'
tbelieveNt
ethel
eloi
snot
comingback.Heisprobablywi
thher.Ipar
kedt
he
carupfr
ontandIgotoutofmycarwi t
hmybagand
Iwalkedinsi
det
hehouseshoutingmom.
Me:
"mom !"
Mom :
"whati
sthi
snoi
se?"
Ithr
ewmyselfinherar
msassheappear
edf
rom
thekit
chenandshehushedme.
Me:
"hei
scheat
ingagai
n."
Mom :
"ohmybaby"
Shebr
ushedmyback.
Me:"Idon'
tknowwhattodoanymor
e.Af
ter
ever
ythi
ngmom ever
ythi
ng"
Mom :
"youwi
llgethi
m backbaby.Comel
et'
ssi
t
down"
Shepul
ledmebymyhandandIfeltmytracksui
t
pant
sbeingwet
.Il
ookeddownandtouchedthem.
Me:
"Mom "
Shel
ookedatme.
Me:
"It
hinkIj
ustpeedonmysel
f"
Mom :
"noyouar
egoi
ngt
olabour
.Yourwat
erj
ust
br
oke"
Me:
"what?
!Ababyi
sgonnacomeoutmyVi
rgi
na?
"
Mom :
"yescomear
en'
tyouf
eel
inganypai
n?"
Me:
"notyet"
Mom :
"ok.Come.Let
'sl
eave."
Me:
"let
'scal
lNt
ethel
elo"
Mom :
"wewi
llUnat
hi!
"
Inodded.
Shetookof
fherapr
onandshet
ookmy
bagandwewal
kedout.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wewentt otakeabathandtheperi
odpai nswer e
getti
nggruesome.IaskedNtethel
eloifhehas
somepai nkil
ler
sandhesaidhewilldri
vetot he
nearestpharmacyandgett
hem.Ihopet hereis
sti
llonebecausethet
imeis7pm.Ij ustsenta
messaget odadandsaiddoubl
eshi f
t.Her epli
ed
andsai dhewi l
lseemei nthemor ning.Khuluzawi ll
askt oomanyquest ionsIam notr eadyf or.Islept
ont hebedbutwhi cheverposi ti
onIusei tdoesn't
wor k.Ihadalreadyputapadonsot hatissor t
ed
IncaseIstarttogoonmymenst r
uation.Ist andup
aftertur
ningandt ossingandIgot otheki t
chenand
makesomewar m wateranddr inkitbutnoteven
thesecondsi pmakesi tbecausetheyst arttokick
i
nhar d.
Me:
"Aah!"
Igraspont othecounterandt rytobreathproper
ly.
Thef l
oorhaswat erandgl assparti
clesnow.Ihol d
myt orsoandIwal kbackt othebedr oom andgot o
thebathroom.Iopensomewar m watersoIcanat
l
eastsubsi dethepainabi t.Istr
ippedandIgotint o
thebathtubwhent hewateriswar m enoughandt he
painisstil
lthere.
Me:"ohmyGodwhyar
ewebei
ngpuni
shedas
womenbythi
s."
Tear
sstr
eameddownmycheeks.Isatt
herea
whil
eandthepai
nsubsi
dedabi
tbutst
il
lwasShar
.
Myhandont hetor
soandIbreat
hedinanout .I
stayedforaboutanhourbef
oreIgotoutandrained
thewater.Iworethet-
shi
rtandjustl
etmybot t
om
halfgetsomeair.Ilai
donthebedroom ti
lesand
thepainjustcameback.Isatupandleanedagain
thewallcryi
ng.
Me:
"Wher
eisNt
ethel
elowi
tht
hepi
ll
s?"
IheldmystomachandIf el
tlikemyper i
odsar e
comingout.Somethi
ngiscomi ngoutandIt ookthe
nearestt
owelandIsatt
here.Ipushedwi thmyl egs
spreadwideenoughandIwasf r
eefrom thepain.A
fewsecondsofsil
enceandr eli
efandacr ybroke
out.Myheartwasbeati
ngf ast.Ilookeddownand
i
twaswasababy.Iscr eamed.
Me:
"OhmyGod."
Itwasallredandcr yingit'
slungsout.Soti
ny.Iwas
cryi
ngwi t
hi tasIdidn'tknowwhatt odo.Ididn'
t
seethisonecomi ng.Ipi ckeditupwithi
t'
s
umbili
calcor dst
uckt omeandIwr appediti
na
towelandi twascrying.Whati sgoingon?Iam so
confused.Themai ndoorwasopened
Ntet
helel
o:"Andiswa,
Igott
hepi
ll
s.Ihavet
orush
Unathii
sinlabour"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo!"
I
twasl
ikeIwasshout
ingf
ormyl
if
e..
Ntet
helel
o: "dowehaveababyher
eorar
eyou
watch.
...
..
"
Hef
rozebythedoorwhenhesawt hebabyandme
ont
hefl
oor.Iwasloosi
ngabitofblood.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Isai
dsof
tl
y.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"what.
..
ohmyGod"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tknow.Iam sor
ryIdi
dn'
tknowr
eal
ly"
Hecr
ouchedI
nfr
ontofme."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sok.
..
.uhm shi
t!"
Hetookouthi
sphoneandmadeacal
lwhi
leI
cr
adledt
hebaby.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yeahkhanyi
sil
eaf
terababyi
sbor
n
whatdoyoudo?"
Hei
ssi
lent
ly
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
thavet
imer
eal
ly"
Nt
ethelel
o:"
tel
lAyandat
okeepaneyeonUnat
hi.I
wi
llseethem l
ater"
Hehungup.Nt
ethel
elo:
"comel
et'
sgo"
Hehelpedmeupandhepi ckedmeupwi t
ht hebaby
andwalkedoutt
othecarandgotusinn.Thelast
thi
ngIsawwasst r
eetl
ight
sbefor
eitwaslightsout
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
29] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t47

*
NTETHELELO*
Mymi ndwasr oami ngandst artedtogeta
headachef r
om al lt
hatishappeni ng.Twowomen
arebri
ngingtwoofmychi ldr
en.OneIwast ol
d
aboutandknewaboutandsawherbumpandt he
otherone.Ididn'tknow.,shedi dn'
tknowandt her
e
werenosi gnsthatshewaspr egnant.Myphone
ri
ngsasIam speedi ngtithehospi t
aljustt
oget
them t
hereont imeandIansweri t.
Zamani:"Yourwi
fedoesn'
twannagi
vebi
rt
h
wit
houtyou"
Me:
"uhm shi
t!Iam comi
ng."
Zamani:
"hur
ryort
hebabywi
lldi
e."
Ihearscr
eamingi
nthebackgr
oundandIknewi
t
wasUnathi.
Me:
"Ihavej
ustar
ri
ved."
Zamani:
"okcome"
Ihungupandsighedbeforeget
ti
ngoutofthecar
andrushingi
nsi
de.Ical
ledthenursesandthey
cameoutwi t
hastret
cherandgotherandcutthe
umbil
icalcor
dandwheeledthem awaywithme
behindthem.NowIhavetogoandlookforUnathi
butIdon'twantt
oleaveAndi
swaatthesametime.
Thisisallamess.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Dr:"youneedt
opush.Youar
esuf
focat
ingt
he
baby"
Mom :
"pushUnat
hi"
Me:
"Iam wai
ti
ngf
orNt
ethel
elo"
AsI
foncuehewal
kedi
nwi
thbl
oodonhi
stop.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam her
e"
Mom :
"Iam gl
adl
etmel
eave"
Dr:
"Mr
sKhumal
onowIwantyout
ogi
vemeapush
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"justgi
veoneUnat
hiIam her
e"
Inoddedandpushed.Ihel
dont
ohi
shandver
y
ti
ghtl
yasIpushed.
Me:
"Ican'
tit
'shar
d"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unat
hipushsot
hebabycansur
vive"
InoddedandIt
ri
edagainandt
hebabysl
ippedout
.
Aloudcrywasi
ntheroom.
Dr:
"it
'sagi
rl"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyou"
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Isai
dthatwhi
lecl
osi
ngmyeyesandwasdr
if
ti
ng
off
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Iwokeupfr
om aver
ybaddream.Idreamtof
mysel
fhavi
ngababyandIdidn'
tknow.Il
ooked
ar
oundandIwasi
nahospit
albedandanIVupon
myarm.Whatam Idoi
nghere?.Anursewal
ked
i
nandshesmil
ed.
Nur
se:
"hi,
youar
eaf
ight
erwi
thyourson"
Me:
"son?Thi
smustbeadr
eam "
Nur
se:
"wel
lit
'snot"
Me:"butIwasn'
tpregnant
.Idi
dn'
thaveastomach
orhadanysymptoms.Ididgoonmyper i
ods."
Nur
se:
.Wasi
theavy?"
Me:
"no,
i
twasdr
opl
ets"
Nurse:
"it
'snor
mali
nfi
rsttr
imest
er.AsIhavesai
d.
Youandyoursonar
efi
ghters"
Iwasdef eated.Howam Igonnatellthi
stodad.She
didherroundsandshesai dfoodwillcomesoon
andsoasmyson.Ir eal
lyhopedthiswasadr eam.
Icurl
edupandcr i
edmyself.IwishIknewat l
east .I
wouldn'thavedrankwineli
keIam downi ngwat er
al
lthetime.Howcoul dInotshowthough.Not hing.
IhearfootstepsandIturnandanur sewalksi
n
pushingthebabyf orandcomest omysi dewitha
smi
le.
Nur
se:
"sayhit
omommyl
it
tl
eguy"
Shesai
dinababyvoi
ce.Shel
ookedatme.
Nur
se:
"hei
saheal
thybouncyboy.Hai
rybutcut
e"
If
aintsmi
led.
Nur
se:
"Iwi
llt
eachyouhowt
obat
handf
eedhi
m"
Inodded.Webat hedandIfedhim.Idi dn'
twanna
breastf
eedhim asyet
.Maybei t
'sbecauseIam st
il
l
i
nshock.Nt et
helel
owalkedinwhileIcradl
edthe
babyinmyar ms.Hedoesn'tevenhaveanameas
yet.Helooksdrai
nedandstil
linyester
day's
clot
hes.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hey"
Hi
svoi
cewasf
aint
"
Me:
"hi"
Hel
ookedatt
hebaby.
Me:
"youwantt
ohol
dhi
m ?"
Hesmi
ledandwentt
owashhi
shandsbef
oreI
gavehi
mthebaby.Hewasshaki
ng.
Me:
"hei
sti
ny"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ver
y"
Ther
ewasabi
tofsi
lence"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloIam sor
ry.Idi
dn'
tknow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"webot
hdidn'tknowbutthatdoesn'
t
meanourbabyi
saregretandamistake.It
'sa
bl
essi
ng"
Ismi
led.Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyou"
Hej
usteasedupever
ythi
ng.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Tomorr
owwearegoi
ngt
oyourhome
t
opayforthedamages."
Me:
"sosoon"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yeah,wear
egoi
ngdownt
o
Umzimkhul
uforthewel
comi
ngcer
emony"
Me:
"howi
sUnat
hi?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shei
sok.Shef
inal
lygavebi
rt
h"
Inodded.
Me:"shei
sgonnahat
ememor e.Iam sureever
y
onei
sgonnawantyoutodoaDNAt estonthechi
ld.
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hel
ooksl
ikeme"
Hesaidwithasmileandhisdimpl
escameoutt
o
play.Thebabyyawnedandclosedit
'smout
hand
thedimpl
esappearedbutdeeper.
Me:
"soIam t
heonl
yonewi
thoutdi
mpl
es?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"looksl
ikei
tmommy,
isn'
tthatr
ight?"
Ismi
led.Hewi
llmakeagr
eatf
ather
.
Me:
"hedoesn'
thaveaname"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"uhm.
..
..
.Idon'
tknow"
Me:
"Thi
sisal
lsuddent
ome"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thenl
et'
scal
lhi
m sudden"
Ishothi
m al
ookandhel
aughed.
Ntet
helelo:
"okIam sor
ry.Howaboutzi
khal
ior
something"
Me:
"Iam bl
anksowewi
llgowi
thyour
s."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Zi
khal
izamant
ungwa,
Mybabyboy"
Me:
"Iwi
llcal
lhi
m Nj
"
Hel
ookedatmeandsmi
led.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ili
keaswell
.Zi
khal
izamant
ungwa
Nt
ethel
eloKhumaloj
nr"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tsayaddyourname"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
lladdi
t."
Me:
"mi
ghtaswel
laddmi
net
oo"
Ntet
hel
elo:"l
et'
scombinethem l
ike
kwandi
sint
ethel
eloorsomethi
ng"
Il
aughed
Me:
"nobabyZeei
sfi
ne"
Heki
ssedmyl
ips
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um.Imi
ghtnot
r
ememberbutIfeel
it."
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi
West
ayedt
oget
herandj
ustbondedwhi
lel
aughi
ng
her
eandt
her
eti
llbabyNJcr
ied.
.
.
.

Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
30] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t48

*
UNATHI*

Mom washel pingmef eedmybabygi r

landnoI
won'tbebreastfeedinganybaby.Shei smyone
andonlychil
df rom hereonout .MyVi rginai
s
burni
ngashel landgi vi
ngbirthisnotallpapand
Vlaasshame.Nevereveragai n.Herfamilywalked
i
nandnoNt ethelel
oinsi ght
.Thelastti
meIsaw
hi
m wasi
nal
abourwar
d.
Theybr
oughtt
reat
sandsomebabyclot
hesaswel
l.
UnamiandLi
sahadsourl
ooksonthei
rfaces.
Mah:
"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?"
Me:
"ti
red.Iam nevergi
vingbi
rt
hagai
n"
Unami:
"Iam sur
pri
sedyoudi
d"
AyandaUnami
njal
o!"
Herepri
mandedher.Mybabycr
iedandIhanded
herovert
omymot heri
nlaw.
Mah:
"whati
shername?"
Me:
"Let
hokuhl
e"
Shesmi
led.
Mah:
"beaut
if
ulname"
Mbongeni:
"webr
oughtyout
hingsyouwi
llneed."
Zamani:
"andwear
eleavi
ngt
omor
rowf
orhome"
Me:
"for?"
Zamani:
"Wel
comecer
emony"
Me:
"ohok"
Itwon'
tst
opt
hem anywayandLet
hoi
sthei
r
daught
er.
Mah:
"shel
ooksj
ustl
ikehi
m."
Khanyi
sil
e:"al
oteven."
Ismiled.Ican'
twai
tforhert
ogr
owandbemyl
it
tl
e
diva.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iwasstil
lwit
hAndi swaandZikhal
iandtheywere
asl
eep.Thissituat
ionisamessandi t
'sgonnaget
messierorbet
ter.ItookoutmyphoneandIcalled
Dad.
Dad:
"Mf
ana(boy)
"
Me:
"baba(dad)
"
Dad:
"whati
swr
ong?"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"Kuni
ngi(i
t'
sal
ot)
"
Hekeepsqui
etgi
vingm apl
atf
ormt
otal
k.
Me:"ngi
dingaukuhl
awul
a(Ineedt
opayf
or
damages)"
Dad:"butUnat
hii
syourwi
feandwepayedf
ull
cowsforher"
Me:
"it
'snotUnat
hi"
Hekeptqui
etagai
n.
Me:
"it
'sAndi
swa"
Dad:
"'
yourmi
str
ess?"
Me:"yes.Shegavebi
rt
handwedi dn'
tknowshe
waspregnant
.Shedi
dn'
tshowshewassowewer e
supposedwhenababycameoutofher"
Dad:
"doesi
tlookl
ikeyou?"
It
urnandl
ookatt
hem.
Me:
"al
ot."
Dad:
"ok.Wewi
llf
lydownwi
thyouruncl
e'
stoday"
Me:
",
thankyou"
Hehungup.Ical
ledKwando.Vuyanimi
ghtgossi
p
t
hist
ohiswif
esoIwon'ttel
lhi
m.
Kwando:
"Man"
Me:
"Iam i
nasi
tuat
ion"
.
.

*
KHULUZA*

Andiswahasn' tcomehomesi nceyest erdayand

shei ssupposedt obeoutofworkal ready.I
t'
s
almost14h00nowandshei ssti
llnotback.Ihope
shehasn'tstartedthoseschemesot hergirl
sdoand
sayt heywil
lcomehomebutt heyar ewithamanf or
daysonend.It ryherphoneandi tdoesn'tgo
throughsoIcal lmyson.
Mel
usi:
"Mah"
Me:
"Andi
swai
snotback"
Melusi:
"that
'
snotr
ight,
sheal
waysi
nfor
msmei
f
shewon't"
Me:
"wel
lshei
snother
e."
Mel
usi:
"Iwi
llt
ryandcal
lher
."
Me:"Siyamthandai
scomi
ngaswel
l
.Shei
s
vi
sit
ingfort
heweekend"
Mel
usi:
"it
'sokmah.Letmet
ryAndi
swa"
Hehungsup.Isi
gh.Ipr
ayt
hatshei
sok.
Me:
"ewuNkosi
"
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ijustcamef rom myclassesandIam goingtovi

sit
thefamilythisweekend.YesIstudyhereat
Universi
tyallwit
hNSFASandIwasl uckytogetone
.Iwentt othemal lj
usttobuyli
tt
let
reatsformy
cousinsowecangossi pandsharestor
iesabout
herloveli
fewi t
hherboss.Itgetsmeexci t
ed
mainlybecauseIdon' thavesomeonewhowantsto
l
oveme.Theyal lj
ustwanttogetunderme.Mxm.
Iwasbyt hesnackai slewhenacolouredl
it
tl
egi
rl
bumpedi ntome.Shewassopr et
tyandhadcubby
cheeksallgiggl
ing.
Her:
"sor
ry"
Hergr
eeneyeswer
ewonder
ful
.
Me:
"uhm i
t'
sok"
Ismi
ledandshesmi
led.
Her:
"youl
ookl
ikesomeone"
"baby!"
Her:
"(gi
ggl
ing)Daddy"
Thedaddyappear edandmyLor dtheboysi n
Escourtseenothi
ngont his.Tal
l.Welltal
lerthan
me, gr
eatbrowncurlyhairandthosesmal lpinkl
ips
,Jesustheylooksocute.HewasI nfr
ontofusi na
minute.
Hi
m:"Hi
"
Me:
"h.
.hh.
..
"
Icl
ear
edmythroat.Iwassoshyandcoul
dn'
teven
sayhi
.Hechuckledandpi
ckedupthegi
rl
.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handaNt
uli"
IhitmyselfandIjustrushedaway.Si
yamthanda
whydi dyoudot hat?Whydi dyousaythat?Iwil
l
neverforgethimthough.Hiseyeswerewonderful
aswell.Iwonderwhat '
shisnameandhi sscent
drovemecr azy.Iwentt opayandwenttocatcha
taxit
oMamel odi
.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Amber:
"Daddy,
youar
eignor
ingme."
Me:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Il
ookedather
.
Me:
"don'
tmessyour
sel
fupok"
Shenoddedwhi
ledowningherhappymeal
.I
chuckl
edandt
hinkaboutt
heladyImetatt
hest
ore.
Thewaysheranawayandcoul
dn'
trepl
ytomy
greet
ingmademelaugh
Amber:
"whyar
eyoul
aughi
ng?
"
Me:
"Nor
easonbaby"
ShenoddedanIgottohome.Iparkedmycarand
tookheroutandherbagandIcar
ri
edheri
nsi
de.
Amber
:"Gr
annyIam her
e!"
Mom appear
edwi
thMat
sidi
so,
Ifr
owned.
Mom :
"ohmybaby"
Shet
ookAmber
.
Mom :"ngwanakat
hisi
sMat
sidi
so,
Tsi
dit
hisi
s
Thapel
o"
Shebowedal
it
tl
e.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogomom.Ihaveadat
e"
Mom :
"dat
ewi
thwho?"
Me:
"mygi
rl
fr
iend"
Iki
ssedAmber'
scheekwhil
emom wasshout
ing
andwanti
ngtotal
k.Igoti
nmycarandsi
ghed.I
tookmyphoneandwentonI nst
agram andsearch
forSiyamthandaNt ul
ibutshedidn'tappear
.Maybe
hehasFacebook.Iwentt oFacebookandsear ched
herandgother .Isentaf ri
endrequestandwent
throughherti
mel i
neassheaccept edmequi ckl
y.I
chuckled.HeisaZul ugirlIseebutsheisbeautif
ul
i
nherdar kskincolour.Isentheramessage.
Me:
"Hi"
Fewmi
nut
es.
Her:
"Hi"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"fi
nal
lyyousai
dit"
Her:
",
uhm t
hatwasembar
rassi
ng"
Me:
"itwascut
e.Wher
ear
eyoubased?"
Her:
"Il
ivei
nresMar
aIam goi
ngt
oMamel
odiat
home."
Me:
"canIseeyou?"
Iwai
tedf
orherandsher
epl
ied.
Her:
"ifyouar
enotaser
ial
kil
lert
hensur
e"
Me:
"Iam not"
Her:
"ok"
Me:
"Iwi
llseeyou"
Il
ockedmyphoneandsmi
led.
Me:
"don'
trui
nthi
sTr
ist
an."
Ihopehei
snott
aken.Ist
art
edmycaranddr
ove
off
..
.
.
*
UNATHI*

TheKhumal ofamil
ylef
tandmybabywasasl eep.
Ntethelel
owal kedi
nthewardallchangedandcl
ean
andi satupasIwaswat chi
ngTVandhecameby
Letho'sside.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"mayI?"
Inoddedandhepickedherupandsmi
led.Hecame
andkissedmyfor
ehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyou"
Me:
"youar
ewel
come."
Hesi
ghed.
Me:
"whati
swr
ong?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"not
hing.Iam j
ustt
ir
ed"
Me:
"ohok"
Ther
ewassi
lence
Me:"Ntet
helel
oIwantt
ochangeforthebet
terf
or
t
hethreeofustohaveagoodwarm homeanIam
wil
li
ngtochangemywaysanatti
tude"
Hesmi
led.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thati
sgr
eatt
ohear"
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Me:
"forourbabygi
rlLet
hokuhl
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
ovet
hename"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Hesmil
edandplayedwit
hourgi
rl
.Whyi shenot
sayi
ngi
tbackl
ikealways?Myheartwasbeat
ing
f
ast.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
30] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t49

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

IgothomeandIr ushedin.Hesai
dhewillbeher
e
i
nashor twhi
le.Idon'twantt
oshowhim myhome
soIgotinandKhuluzawaspacingupanddown.
Me:
"Hel
loKhul
uza"
Shewassi
lent
.
Me:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Khul
uza:
"Andi
swai
snotbackyet"
Me:
"Iam sur
eshewi
llhavear
eason"
Khuluza:
"whatifshewaski
dnapped.Kubil
ah
ngaphandl
e(it
'sbadouther
e)"
Me: "I
t'
sgonnabef
ineKhul
uza.Wewil
lgot
othe
pol
icestat
iont
omorr
owmor ni
ngi
fshei
snotback"
Shenodded.
Me:"Iam f
orgott
obuyai
rt
imeyazi
.Letmeputt
his
down"
ShejustNodded.Sheseemedst ressedandt hat
worriesmebecauseKhuluzaasksal otofquesti
ons.
Iputeveryt
hingdownandwentt oAndi swa'
sr oom
andputmybagdown.It ookmyspr ayandI
sprayedmysel fabi
t.Woreli
pglossandt ooksome
moneyandmyphoneandwal kedout .
Me:
"Iam comi
ngback"
ShenoddedandIfr
ownedwhil
ewalkingout
.Iwas
pressi
ngonmyphonewalki
ngtot
heshopswhile
waiti
ngforhi
smessaget
ocomeinandaskme
whereIam.AcarsloweddownbesidemeandI
l
ookedatsteppi
ngbackandthedri
verdooropened
andhegotout.Wowhel ooksamazingandmakes
mefeelsmalli
nmydarkskin.I
t'
sli
keIam charcoal
.
Hesmiled.
Hi
m:"Si
yamt
handaIpr
esume"
Itookapict
ureofhi
m andwenti
ttoMom andsaid
i
fIgomi ssi
ngthi
sistheguy.It
ookphot
osofhis
carandsentitwi
tht
henumberplat
eandallandhe
chuckl
ed.
Hi
m:"doyouf
eel
saf
ernow?"
Me:
"Yourname?"
Hi
m:"Tr
ist
anBr
owns"
Me:
"mmmh"
It
ypedhi
snameandsent.NowIf
eelbet
ter
.
Me:
"ok"
Hesmi
led.Hi
sgr
eeneyesar
ebeaut
if
ul.
Tr
ist
an:
"Shal
lwet
akeawal
k?"
Me:
"sur
e"
Thatf
eltsaf
er.Heparkedhi
scarni
cel
ybyt
her
oad
andhegotoutandlookedatme.
Tr
ist
an:
"wecango"
Goosebumpst hroughmywhol ebodyhi
seyes
al
oneluredmei nandIblushedwhenhesmirked.I
am sur
ei fIwasli
ghterIwoul
dhavebeenvi
sible.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwonderwhoi spayingforalloft hisbecauseI

knowIwoul dn'tbeabl
etoaffor d.ButIwon' tworry
aboutfornow.Il ookatthi
scr eat urenexttome
andIwonder .Howcouldahumanbei nvisi
bleinme.
Howcanhehi debecauseIseenohi di
ngpl acein
me.It ouchedmyst omachandi t'
sstil
lthesizeit
wasbef or
e.MaybeIam bewi tchedorsomet hing.I
swit
chedof fmyphoneandIwi l
lseemyf ami l
y
tomorr
owwhenIgetdi scharged.Idon' tknowhowI
wil
ltel
ldad.LetaloneKhuluza.Aunt yJabulil
ewill
j
ustmakeaj okeoutofal lofthisIknow.
BabomncaneThul aniwil
lcomedownf rom
Mozambi queandgi vemeahi dingofmyl if
e.Heis
theinti
midat
ingoneandBabomncaneXol aniwil
l
j
ustt r
ytocalm everyonedown.Icur lupandjust
watchhim movehi stinyhandsandIsmi l
e.Heis
Harrybutcuteandl ooksjustl
ikeNtethel
eloso
much.
"Sot
hisi
sthel
it
tl
eKhumal
ohei
r"
Itur
nedaroundandIal mostfelloutofmybed
whenmyhospi talwardwasinvadedbyMen.
Grownmenandal soNt et
hel
elo'sbrot
her
s..Idon'
t
seehim andIgetnervousaswel l.
Ayanda:
"HiAndi
swa"
Me:
"Hi"
Thismani npart
icul
arcamearoundandpickedup
Zikhal
iandlookedathimthenl
ookedatmebef or
e
l
ayinghim down.Helooksli
keNtet
helel
osoI
assumei t
'shi
sfather
.
Hi
m:"nt
ombazane"
Me:
"baba"
Idi
dn'tknowwhatt
odoatthatmoment.Ntet
hel
elo
walkedinandIt
hankedt
hegodsfort
hat.Hecame
ourside.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babaseni
fi
kil
e(dadyoucame)
"
Hi
sdad:
"themat
teri
sur
gent"
Nt
ethelel
o:"i
tis.Thi
sisAndi
swaand
Zi
khali
zamantungwa"
Hi
sfat
hersmi
led.
Hi
sdad:
"hel
ooksl
ikeyou.Wel
ldone."
Thelo:"t
woinoneday,
uyasebenzaNdoda(youar
e
workingman)"
Iwant
edt
obur
ymysel
fandhi
de.
Man:
"whati
sthenextmove?"
Ntethel
elo:"t
heyar
egett
ingdi
schargedtomorrow
sowewi llgowit
hheranddoallt
hatisnecessary
then"
Mbongeni:
"Unat
hiwi
llki
llyout
hist
ime"
Zamani: "shemightwanttoharmt hebaby.I
t'
s
unpredictabl
esoaftert
hatweleaveearlywit
h
Andiswaf orThethankyouceremonyandi ntr
oduce
Mntungwaomncane(l i
ttl
eMnt ungwa)tohis
ancestors"
Everyonenodsi
nagr
eement
.IhavenosayIhave
concludedt
hat.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Yeahyour
ight"
Ayanda:
"youwi
llst
ayherewithUnat
hiandcome
downwit
hherandthepr
incess."
Hi
sdad:
"Whogavebi
rt
hfi
rst?"
Nt
ethel
elol
ookedatmeandt
heyal
ldi
d.
Ayanda:
"awucucuziheyMakot
i(youdon'
twast
e
t
ime)"
Ever
yonel
aughedandIj
ustwant
edt
obebur
ri
ed.
Zamani:"wecamewi
thcl
othesf
ort
hebabyandal
l
thatyouneed."
Me:
"thankyou"
Hi
sdad:
"IhopeIwi
llseeyousoonasoneoft
he
Khumal
owi
ves"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"def
ini
tel
ybaba"
Hai
bo.Theysai
dThei
rgoodbyesandl
eft
.
Me:
"Iwasscar
ed."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"don'
twor
ry"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Ij
ustdon'
tknowhowmyf
ami
lywi
llact"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"letmehandl
eever
ythi
ng"
Inoddedandheki
ssedmyf
oreheadandBabyNJ
star
tedcr
ying.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hewant
syourboob"
Me:
"hemi
ghtaswel
lfor
get"
Hel
aughedandIj
oinedi
nbef
orehet
ookhi
sson.
Me:
"youshoul
drest"
Hel
ookeddr
ained.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
ll"
.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Shewassi lent.Sheisani nteresti

ngcharacterand
l
ooksoutf orhersel
f.AllthewomenIhave
i
nteractedwithweretooqui ckt ojumponmeand
nevertookthet i
metothinkoft hei
rsaf
etyfir
st.We
gottothetuckshopandsheboughtsomeai rti
me
andIor der
edabunnychowf orusandshesmi l
ed.
Si
ya:
"youwantmet
ogetf
at"
Me:
"Il
oveawomanwhoeat
s"
Sherai
sedherbrow.Shei
sthi
cki
nther
ightar
eas
andherchocol
ateski
ncompl
ement
sher
.
Si
ya:
"int
hatcaset
henaddcol
ddr
ink"
Ichuckl
ed.Ipayedandwewentt
osi
tdownont
he
pavementwhil
ewewaited.
Me:"Ihavet
oldyouabi
taboutme,
tel
lmeabi
tof
you"
Siya:"Iam f
rom Kznbutmyf amil
ycomesf r
om
hereinGauteng,Orlandoandgr
ewupt hereunti
lmy
greatgrandparentsdiedandmygrandmot her
moveddownt here.Ihaveacousi
nwhol ivesher
e
withmyuncl eandIschoolatUP,3rdyear"
Me:
"ni
ce."
Shesmi
led.
Me:
"anyspeci
alsomebodyi
nyourl
if
e?"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Si
ya:
"no,
Ihaven'
tbeenhavi
ngt
hebestofl
uck"
Isi
tupst
rai
ght
Me:
"youl
ie"
Siya:
"Yeah,guyshavebeenwanti
ngt ogetunder
meal lt
heti
me.Trywouldjustst
rai
ghtupt el
lme
thatIam al
lgoodfort
hat
.Noonewoul dloveme
andmar rymebecauseIam t
ooblack.Charcoalas
theywouldref
erme"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:
"canIbehonest?
"
Si
ya:
"Ihavebeenwai
ti
ngf
ori
t"
Shesai
dinadef
eat
edvoi
ce.
Me:"Ireal
lythi
nkyouarebeauti
ful
.Iloveyourski
n
col
ourandt heayyouar
e.Iwouldlovetogetto
knowyoucauseyouseem likeaveryspeci
allady
andmaybej ustmaybewecouldstartsomet
hing
wit
hti
meast oseewhereitcoul
dleadus."
Si
ya:
"somet
hingl
ikef
uckbuddi
e?"
Ichuckl
ed
Me:"no,nott
hat.Imeansomet
hingasi
nmeand
youtoget
herl
ikeacoupl
e"
Siya:"(chuckl
ing)youwoul
dn'
tdateme,
sodon'
t
sellmedreams.Youar et
oocuteforme"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iam cut
e?"
Shebl
ushedandpl
ayf
ull
ybutmyshoul
der
.
Siya:
"what
everi
tist
hatyouf
indyour
sel
f
handsomei
n."
Ismi
rked.
Me:"il
ovethecompli
mentandIam notl
ying.We
woul
dlookgoodtoget
herdon'
tyout
hink"
Shesmi
led.
Me:
"comeher
e"
ItookoutmyphoneandIt
ookapi
ctur
eofus
toget
her.
Me:
"nowsmi
leCoco"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Si
ya:
"petnamebases"
Me:
"Il
ikei
t"
Si
ya:
"Il
ovei
t"
ShekissedmycheekandIt ookapictureand
upl
oadeditonInstagram wi
thaheartandon
FacebookandItaggedherwi t
hacaptionMy
Afr
icanQueen.Shet ookherphoneoutandsmil
ed.
Me:
"commenthawu"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Si
ya:
"whatshoul
dIsay?
"
Me:
"br
ingher
e"
It
ookherphoneandwr
ote."Thanksbabe,
l
oveyou
"
Igaveherbackherphoneanr
epl
ied.Loveyoumor
e
Siya:"woahwow.Ihaveneverhadpeopl
e
commentt hi
smuchonmywal l.Somearenegat
ive
thoughbutthanks.
"
Sheper
ksmyl
ips.
Si
ya:
"ohmyGodIam sosor
ryI
..
."
Iheldhercheekandki
ssedherl
ipsandshe
stoppedme.
Si
ya:
"Ihaveneverki
ssedanyonebef
ore"
Shel
ookedf
lushed.
Me:"don'
tbeembar
rassedabouti
t.I
tshowsyou
val
ueyoursel
f"
Shesmi
led
Si
ya:
"wecant
ryagai
nifyouwi
llt
eachme"
Me:
"(smi
li
ng)gl
adl
y"
Iki
ssedherlipsandsherespondedplaci
ngher
handsonmyshoul ders.Shewasn'tbad.Ir
eal
ly
l
ovedt heki
ssandIwantt ost
artsomethi
ngwit
h
her.Someonewhistl
edandwebr okeit.
Si
ya:
"ouror
derIr
eady"
Ist
oodup
Me:
"come"
Shebl
ushedandIwr appedmyar
m ar
oundherand
wewenttotakeourorders.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Londiewal
kedinthewardwhil
eIwaswatching
somevideosinI
nstagr
am andIsawonTrist
an'
s
pagehepostedhi
mselfandthi
sblackgi
rl
.Shewas
darkandugl
y.
Londi
e:"heymommy"
Me:
"Yhof
ri
endTr
ist
andowngr
adedl
ook"
Ishowedhermyphone.
Londi
e:"i
t'
slovechomi"
Me:
"mxm.Lovef
orwho"
Londi
e:"anywayIboughtt
heseLoui
sVui
tt
onbaby
hamperfornunuzwamiandshewouldl
ookcut
e"
Me:"ahhfr
iendyouknowme.Mybabycan'
tbe
wear
ingfr
om Pep"
Londi
e:"yeah.Ei
shhowi
shusband?"
Me:"heissuppor
ti
vebuthedoesn'
tsayIl
oveyou
andIsayitandi
tworr
iesme."
London:"heisherewit
hyouandalwayswithyou.
Heisnotwi t
hhisMistresssodon'
twor
ry.Youjust
worryaboutrecover
ing"
Me:
"whatwoul
dIbewi
thoutyou?"
Londi
e:"not
hing"
Me:
"zamagavemeanear
full
astt
imewepar
ked."
Londi
e:"ahdon'
tent
ert
ainher"
Me:
"It
houghtso."
Mybabyst
art
edcr
yingandLondi
ewentt
opi
ckher
up.
Londi
e:"can'
tyougr
owupal
readysowecango-
to
Sandt
onandshop"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"tel
lher"
Wel
aughed.
Londi
e:"youhavet
ogot
othebhududu'
ssoon?"
Me:
"yeaht
hiscomi
ngFr
idayIhavet
ogo"
Londi
e:"YhoIf
eel
sor
ryf
oryouf
ri
end"
Shecradledandplayedwi
thLet
ho.Sheseemsl
i
ke
anaturalatt
his.

.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
Thi
sinser
twassponser
edbyEveeYvonne
[
09/
17,
18:
30] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t50

*
TRI
STAN*

Amberwasvi si
ti
nghergr andpar
entstodayandI
wasinmypl acesoal one.Iwaslist
eningtosome
musicplayi
ngthrought hel
it
tl
espeakerinthe
kit
chenasIam maki ngasandwich.Iwasl ist
eni
ng
to6Lack'
sAlbum .
"
I'
mlovi
ngyourl
ight
,vul
ner
abl
e
Let
ti
ngyourguar
ddowni
shonor
abl
e
'
Special
lywhenthepastain'
tbeent
hatf
ri
endl
yto
you,
butt her
e'smagi
cinthat
Yout
hef
lowert
hatIgot
tapr
otect
Andkeepal
ivei
nthewi
nter
ti
me,
hey,
don'
tyoudi
e
yet
Youbeenwaymor
ethanaf
ri
endofmi
ne,
wemor
e
l
ikef
am
Irai
sedyou,
your
aisedme,
let
'st
urnt
hiswhol
eli
fe
'
round
Youcanconf
idei
nme
Icantaketheweightupof
fyourshoul
derbl
ades
andtr
yt ostor
ethepaini
nsideofme
Li
ke,
whyt
hewor
lddoyoul
iket
hat
?
Liket
heydon'tknowyou,
Godsent
,butme,
Ivi
ew
youli
kethat
I'
m sneaki
nggl
ances,
thanki
ngGodt
hathedr
ew
youli
kethat
Beaut
if
ulbl
ackchi
ld,
comeandshedyourbl
ack
cl
oud
Foryourvi
beandyoursmi
leIdon'
tmi
ndal
il
'rai
n
I'
m yourdog,
ear
sper
kupatt
hesoundofyour
name
Count
ingyourmai
n,wi
ldf
ir
e,can'
thandl
eyour
f
lame
Downloadyourst
rai
n,wi
ldhi
gh,
comedr
owni
n
yourf
ragrance
Yout
hatr
edpi
llt
hatani
ggaf
oundi
nMat
ri
x
Bef
oreIhadyout
hisshi
twasf
ant
asy"
Ifoundmyselfthi
nki
ngofSi
yamthandaandIshook
myheadandt ookmysandwichandwat erandwent
tositdown.It
ookmyphoneandIt ext
edher.
"mi
ssspendi
ngt
imewi
thyou"
Iscr
oll
edtoourpi
ctur
esandshei
sbeaut
if
uli
nher
ski
ncolour
.
Me:
"Lovei
snocol
ourr
ight"
Ithi
nkIam goi
ngcr
azynow.Iputmyphonedown
andIatemysandwi
ch.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*
Ihavej ustfi
nishedtaki
ngabat handwear e
headingt othepoli
cestationtoreportamissi
ng
personswhenmyphonepi ngsandit'
sTri
stan.I
opent hemessageandt rynottoblushbutIdo
eventually.
Khul
uza:
"ar
eyouget
ti
ngdonei
nther
e?"
Me:
"yesKhul
uIam comi
ng"
IputmyphoneinmybagandIwal kedout
.Malume
wasnotokandIcouldseei
t.Thisishi
soneand
onl
ydaught
er.Wherecoul
dAndiswabe?
Me:
"Iam her
e"
Khul
uza:
"let
'sgo.Ihopet
hesePol
icecandot
hei
r
damnJob"
Me:
"theywi
ll"
Khul
uza:
"ar
eyouwor
kingatt
hepol
icest
ati
on?
"
Me:
"no.Letmekeepqui
et"
Izi
ppedmymouthbef
oresheattacksme.Ther
e
wasaknockont
hedoor.ShelookedatmeandI
l
ookedather
.
Khul
uza:
"areyouwai
ti
ngonast
ormt
ogeti
t
Si
yamthanda"
Ther eiti
s.Frust
rat
ion,
mygr andmotheri
sthe
rudestandsweetestwomanyoucanf i
nd.Depends
ont hemood.Iopent hedoorandit
'sAndiswa
standingwithMenbehindher.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Mel
usi
:"
(uncl
e)Andi
swa"
Shesteppedi
nandshel
ookedhorr
ibl
eandli
keshe
l
ostweighti
njustaf
ewdays.Shehuggedher
fat
herandcri
ed.
Mel
usi:
"Iwaswor
ri
edaboutyou"
Khul
uza:
"Ial
mostwentt
omygr
avebecauseof
you"
Mel
usi:
"whydi
dn'
tyoucal
l?"
Andi
swa:
"Iam sor
ry."
Il
ookedatt
hesemeni
nfr
ontofmwandt
heyar
e
hol
dingababy.
Mel
usi:
"iam j
ustgl
adyouar
eok"
Hesaidhuggi
nghi
sdaught
ert
ight
lyi
nthever
geof
cr
ying.
Khul
uza:
"whoar
ethesemen?"
Oneol
dermancamef
ort
h.
Hi
m: "sabakaKhumal
osi
zengodabal
ay'
khaya(we
ar
etheKhumal o'
sandwecameherewit
hanissue
)"
Khul
uza:
"whati
ssue?
"
Him:"oursondefl
oweredyourdaughterandl
efta
seedinherwit
houtanyknowledgeresul
ti
ngina
l
itt
leone"
Myuncl
ejustl
aughed.
Mel
usi:
"Itcan'
tbe.Shewasn'
tpr
egnant
"
Theybr
oughtt
hechil
dfor
thItookitfastandi
thas
Andi
swather
eabitbuti
tlooksl
ikethesemen.It
wassocute.
Andi
swa:
"Idi
dn'
tknowdad.Iam sor
ry"
Shecur
ed.MyunclewassilentandthenKhul
uza
j
ustwentdown.Theotherguysrushedtoherand
thebabycr
ied.Ij
ustwentawaywi
thi
tfr
om t
he
scene.

.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwasf etchedfrom thehospitalbyZamaniandwe

wenthome.Iwasner vousandver ymuchscared
andwhenweent eredMamel odiIfel
tli
keIwanted
tovomi t
.Hi sfatherandtheirbrot
herswereher
e
andtheuncl esbutnoNt ethelel
o.HeiswithUnathi
probably.Mbongeniopenedt hedoorformeand
tookthebabyanigotout .
Zamani:
"itwi
llbeok"
Ayanda:
"itnowornever"
MrKhumal
o:"l
et'
sgo"
,
Wewal kedinandwi t
heverystepmyheartwas
beati
ngfast.IknockedandSiyamthandaopened.
Shewasdr essedup.Ididn'
tknowthatshewas
here.
"
Andi
swa"
Shesai dandIwasi nthevergeoftears.Mydad
emer gedandhehuggedme.I tpai
ns met hatI
disappoi ntedhim.Heseesmeashi sinnocentbaby
girlandnowIam amot her.Somethinghenever
expect edsosoon.Af t
erdr oppingthebomb
Khul uzaj ustf
aint
edandt heguysrushedt oher.
Thel
o:"getherwat
er"
Irushedt
othekit
chenandgotherwat
er.Theysat
heronthecouchfanni
ngher
.
Khul
uza:
"Andi
swaMnt
anami(
mychi
ld)
"
Shewascr
yingandi
tpai
nedme.
Khul
uza:
"Andi
swakodwawadlalwaumf ana
(Andi
swamychil
dyouletaboyplayyou)"
Theyt
ri
edt
ocal
m herdown.
MrKhumal
o:"wear
esor
ryt
hatoursondi
dwhathe
di
d"
Dad:
"uhm si
tdownpl
ease"
Theysatdown.Hel
ookeddef
eat
ed.
Dad:
"Got
oyourr
oom Andi
swa"
Inodded.Ididn'twantt osayanything.Ever
ythi
ng
wasj ustpai
ning.Khuluzawasstillcryi
ngand
saying"ohNkosi!" Igotinmyroom and
Siyamthandawaspl ayingwithZikhali.
Si
yamt
handa:
"hei
scut
e.What
'shi
sname?"
Me:
"Zi
khal
izamant
ungwa"
Si
yamt
handa:
"ni
ce"
Il
aidont
hebed.
Siyamthanda:"itwil
lpass.Youkeptyour
selfand
youar eagreatchil
dAndiswaandi twasjustone
mi st
ake"
Me:"canyouhearhowKhul
uzai
scr
ying?Iki
ll
ed
her"
Si
yamthanda:
"shei
sshockedanddi
sappoi
nted.
Sheexpect
edalotf
rom you"
Me:
"(si
gh)t
hisi
sal
lamess"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Iam her
e"
Me:
"thankyou"
Ther
ewassi
lent.
Si
yamthanda:
"sonowyouar
egonnabeont
he
i
nter
net?"
Me:
"forwhat?"
Si
yamt
handa:
"idi
dn'
tknowt
hatIwaspr
egnant"
Wel
augh
Me:
"youar
esi
ll
y"
Shegi
ggledandherphoner
ang.Shel
ookedati
t
andsmil
edthenouti
tdown.
Me:
"Heehansweryourmangi
rl
"
Si
yamt
handa:
"hei
snotmyman.Wej
ustf
ri
ends."
Me:
"Fr
iendsf
orwhowi
tht
hatsmi
le"
I
tst
oppedandr
angagai
n.
Me:
"answer"
Si
yamt
handa:
"ut
handai
ndaba(youl
ovenews)
"
Welaughedandsheansweredwhil
eIlookedatt
his
cr
eatur
enexttomeallsi
lentandl
ooki
ngatme.
Me:
"umubi(youar
eugl
y)"
Hebl
inked.Il
aughedandpi
ckedhi
m up.
Me:
"Iam j
oki
ng"
Hedoesn'
tcr
ymuchatt
imes.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Iwasbei ngdi
schargedtodayandNt et
helel
ocame
tofet
chus.Myf amil
yiscomingtogetherallthanks
toLetho.Wegothomeandhernur serywasr eady
alr
eady.Iputherinthebabycotasshewasasl eep
andturnedtoNtethel
elowhoseemedf ar
.
Me:
"babyar
eyouok?"
Hesi
ghedandhesatdown.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e"
Iwentt
osi
tonhi
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Let
hokuhl
eisnotmyf
ir
stchi
ld"
Myhear
tski
ppedabeat
.
Me:
"whatdoyoumeanbyt
hat?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihaveanot
herchi
ld."
Me: "wehavebeenmarr
iedf
or5year
sandyou
keptthatawayf
rom me?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyl
ist
en"
Me:"whathappenedt
ousNt
ethel
elo,
what
happenedt
ome?"
Isai
dlooki
ngathi
m andhehel
dmycheeks.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"what
'st
hebabygi
rl
'sname?
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"(cl
eart
hroat)i
t'
saboyandi
t'
sZi
khal
i
"
Isweart
hatdr
ovemecr
azy.
Me:
"boy!
?"
Heclosedhiseyes.Ist oodupandwal kedout
beforeIdosomet hing.Iwil
lneveracceptt
hatchi
ld.
Itwil
ltakeever
ythingfrom mybaby.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
31] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t51

*
AYANDA*

Andiswa'
sgrandmotherwassi l
entnowaf t
ersome
ti
meofweepi ngandcryi
ng.Youcanseet hatthi
s
brokehen.Thefat
herwassilentandemot i
onless
aswell,
yocouldn'
treadoffhowhewasf eel
ing.I
l
ookedaroundanddadcl earedhisthr
oatand
att
enti
onwasonhi m.
Dad:"onbehal
fofoursonNtet
helel
oandthe
Khumalofamil
ywebringfor
thourapol
ogi
es."
MrBhengu:
"doesyoursonknowhowmuchhe
damagedmydaughteri
nashortspaceoft
ime?"
Ther
ewassi
lence.Zamanil
ookedatme.Whatdi
d
Ido?Icl
ear
edmyt hroat
.
Me:"si
yazibabaingakhosi
zol
ungi
saizi
zint
o(we
knowsi
r,t
hat'swhywear eher
etofi
xthi
ngs.)"
Hechuckl
edandshookhi
shead.
MrBhengu:
"wher
eist
hatboy?
"
Thel
o:"hei
swi
thhi
swi
fe.Shej
ustgavebi
rt
h"
It
'sli
keheputpetroli
nthefi
rebecausethe
grandmotherweepedmor et
hanbefore.
Her:
"aweJesungengi
zwani!(OhmyGod!what
i
sbeingdonet
ome) "
Mbongenigaveherwat
erandshedr
ank.Shest
ood
upandwalkedaway.
Dad:"weareheretopayfort
hedamages.Weknow
i
t'
sshortnoti
cebutwewanttodorightandgo
downtohaveaf amil
yceremonyt
hiscoming
weekendforthel
it
tl
echil
d."
MrBhengu:
"Takeherbecauset
hat
'swhatyouwi
ll
donext"
Hest
oodupandweal
llookedateachot
her
.
Me:
"thi
sisf
uckedup"
Dadgavemeadeat
hst
are.
Dad:
"Ineedt
ocal
lyourbr
other
."
Hestoodupandwal kedout .Isawt
hatdark
ski
nnedgirlpasst
otheki t
chenandshewas
smil
inginsomethi
ngt hatwasonherphone.Shei
s
beauti
ful
Zamani:
"Ndoda!
(Man)
"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"huh?"
Zamani:
"wher
eisyourmi
nd?"
Me:
"justt
hinki
ng"
Aft
ersometi
meshecamewi
that
raywi
thbi
scui
ts
andjui
ce.
Thel
o:"si
yabonga(t
hankyou)
"
Mbongeni
:"t
henamei
s..
..
."
Her:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Shel
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"Iam Ayanda"
Shesmiledandnoddedbef
orewal
kingof
f.The
gent
slaughedandsostheuncl
es.
Me:
"what?"
Jaf
fa:"
(uncl
e)si
zikhi
phei
nkomo?
(Shoul
dwe
l
obola?)"
Theyl
aughed.
Me:
"Idi
dnot
hing"
Zamani:
"youhavehot
sforher
."
Shepassedbyagai
nanIl
ookedather
.They
l
aughedagai
n.
Thel
o:"ehsisicel
ausengapha(mysi
sterpl
ease
comethissi
de) "
Shecameandl ookeddown.Iwasscanni ngher
andlookingatherfeatures.Herski
nwasoneof
thosereall
ydarkskinsbutverysmoothl
ike
chocol
atewi t
haCol gatesmi l
e.Shewasbeauti
ful
.
Her:
"yes?"
Thelo:"mybr
otherneedst
heshopst
obuysome
ai
rti
mecanyouseeshowi ttohi
m.Heisnotf
rom
aroundhere"
Theuncl
eswer
echuckl
ingamoungstt
hemsel
ves.
Shesmi
led.
Her:
"uhm ok."
Mbongeni:
"goandbr
ingcol
ddr
ink"
Hesai
dgoi
ngi
nfort
hebi
scui
t.
zamaniwhi
sper
edt
o
me.
Zamani:
"don'
tbl
owi
t"
Me:
"Uhm .
..
."
Jaf
fa.:
"Wewi
llpayt
hel
obol
aforyoumeanwhi
l
e.
Theyl
aughed.
Me:
"letmego"
Ist
oodupandtheyl
aughedandIf
oll
owedHerout
.
Iwasner
vous.Sheopenedt
hegate.
Me:
"ladi
esf
ir
st.
"
Sheshookherheadl
augh.Suchasi
ghtt
osee.I
don'
tevenneedai
rtime.Wewer
ejustwal
king
downthestr
eetsi
lent
ly.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

BabyNJcl osedhiseyestosleepaf t
erIfedhi
m and
changedhishappy.Siyamthandawentoutst i
llon
herphonewi t
hwhoeverandKhul uzawalkedi
nand
Ij
ustfroze.Idisappoi
ntedher.Shesni f
fedand
cameandsatnextt omeandl ookedatZikhal
i.
Khul
uza:
"Godwor
ksi
nwonder
s."
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
ShehuggedmeandIcr
ied.
Khul
uza:
"it
'sok.I
t'
sdone,Iam di
sappoi
ntedyou
hadanaf
fai
rwithamarr
iedmanandnevert ol
dme'
Me:"Idi
dn'tknowhewasmar
ri
edandyouwoul
d
havesl
appedme"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Khul
uza:
"Ishoul
dhi
tyour
ightnow."
Shehel
dmyhands
Khul
uza:
"Iam di
sappoint
edbutIam her
eforyou
andsoasyourf
ather"
Wehugged.Ifel
tsaf
eandwar
minherar
ms.Dad
wal
kedinandl
ookedatus.Webr
oket
hehug.
Dad:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"dad"
Heopenedhi
sar
msandIst
oodupanddi
vedf
or
t
hem
Dad:
"It
oldyou"
Me:"youdi
d.YouDi
dtel
lmet
ogoonf
ami
ly
pl
ani
ng"
Dad:
"Iam 41.Ishoul
dbedat
ingnotbei
nga
gr
andf
ather"
Khul
uza:
"Iam awal
kingancest
ornow"
Wegi
ggl
ed.
Dad:"Iam di
sappoi
ntedasaf
atheranhur
tthatmy
babygir
lisgoi
ngthi
smuch."
Me:
"Iam sor
rydad."
Hepul
ledmet
osi
tdownandsatmeonhi
slap.
Dad:
"pl
easebehonest"
Me:
"dad"
Dad:
"doyoul
ovehi
m.TheKhumal
oboy?
"
Iwassilentawhileandt
henbur
iedmyheadonhi
s
chestandcried.
Dad:
"idi
dn'
tmeant
oupsetyou"
Me:
"Idodad.Iknowi
t'
sdi
sappoi
nti
ng"
Dad:
"Iam her
eandr
eadyt
opi
ckupt
hepi
eces."
Khul
uza:
"Ineedtomeetthi
sboywhoal
mostdr
ove
metomygrave.Iam st
il
lyoungt
odi
e"
Wel
aughed.Dadengul
fedmei
ntoahug.
Dad:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swa"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
edad."
Wehel
doneachot
her
.
Dad:"
(ki
ssi
ngmyforehead)l
etsusgoandfi
nish
t
hisupsoyoucanl
eavewithSi
yamthanda"
Me:
"to?"
Dad:
"Kzn.Youcan'
tgoal
one"
Inodded.
Me:
"ok"
Theywal kedoutaf t
erthatandIroll
edoverthebed.
Ifeelemotional
lydrained.Ilookatthi
slit
tl
e
Ntethel
eloandIj uststi
llcan'
tbel
ieveIgavebir
thto
ahuman.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Schoolhasbeenhect i
cbutwit
hthehel pofmyin-
l
awst heywouldtakeYolandaeveryweekend.
Yest
erday,l
astnight.Iwasoutwithmyschool
matesEyadinij
usttohavesomef unandl etl
oose
andIcamebackear lytofi
nd.Pearlabouttost
ri
p
danceforSandi
lenaked.Iwashur tandangry.I
sl
eptintheguestbedr
oom becauseIwasst i
ll
di
gesti
ngeverythi
ngandhersinistersmirk..Iwoke
upandmybodywast ir
ed.Ididn'tsleepawinklast
ni
ghtatall
.Iwentonmykneesandj ustcri
ed.
Me:"Godwhatishappeni
ngi
nmymar
ri
age?
Pl
easeint
ervene"
Icrawledmysel ftothebat
hroom andItooka
shower .Aft
erinIwentt ot
hemai nbedroom andhe
wasn'tinbed.Pr obabl
ywit
hPearl.Iwenttoget
dressedandt ookabagandpackedmycl othes.I
fi
nishedandIt ookmykeysandIwal kedoutand
wentdownt hest air
s.Hewanwat chingTV
dri
nkingwhisky.Hi sbackwasfacingme.
Sandi
le:
"wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?"
Me:"weneedabr eak.Youneedabreakt
oeval
uat
e
whatyoureal
lywant.Ican'
tbe,meyourwif
e
f
ight
ingfoaspotwithyourex"
Iwal
kedtowar
dst
hedoor
.It
ri
edt
oopenbuti
twas
l
ocked.
Sandi
le:
"comebackMer
cy"
Me:
"opent
hisdoorsandi
le"
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cyIwon'
trepeatmysel
f."
Me:
"sandi
leopent
hisdoor!"
Ishoutedwhi
lepull
ingitandhest
oodbehi
ndme.I
canfeelhi
spresence.
Sandil
e:"youar
enotleavi
ngme.Iwon'
tlett
hat
happenformyfool
ishness"
It
ri
edandsl
appedhi
m.
Me:
"youdi
sgustme.Opent
hisdoor"
Hepinnedmeoni tandhebr
eat
hhi
tmyneck.My
kneeswereget
ti
ngweak.
Sandil
e:"youwon'tl
eavemeMercy.Youwon't
walkoutinus.Ti
lldeat
hdousapart.Onl
ydeat
h
wil
lseperat
eus"
Me:
"whatdoyoumeanbyt
hat?"
Hi
swor
dscar
ri
edheavyaur
a.
Sandi
le:
"iwoul
dhavetoki
llyoubef
oreyouwal
k
outi
nme.Iwon'tl
ett
hathappen."
Iswal
lowed.
Me:
"youwoul
dn'
t"
Hel
ookedmei
ntheeyesandsmi
rked.
Sandil
e:"Iloveyout
oomuchandi t
'sdanger
ous.I
wouldkil
lforyouandki
llyouandmeaswel l
"
Me:
"sandi
le"
Iwast
ryi
ngt
ofi
ndmyvoi
ce.Heki
ssedmyneck.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyounother"
Me:
"youar
ehur
ti
ngme"
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Hehel
dmywaistandhepi
ckedmyupandmybag
dr
opped.Myhandswentt
ohisneck.
Sandi
le:
"thi
sismi
ne.YouaremineMer
cyandI
wil
lbedamnedanymanhaveyou"
Me:
"wi
llyouki
llme?"
Sandi
le:
"Iwon'
thur
tyou.Justdon'
tleaveme"
Inoddedandheki
ssedmeandIresponded.He
walksmeovert
othecouchandpl
acedmeont he
armr estofi
tandhesl
ippedhishandintomyskir
t
andmovedmyunder wearasidemesl i
ppedinhis.
FingerandImakes.Het hr
usteditsl
owlyinsi
de
me.Ibi tmybott
om l
ipasanotherfol
lowedandI
gasped.
Sandi
le:
",,
Il
oveyou.Iam sor
rybaby"
Icl
osedmyeyesandheki
ssedmyneck
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ihavebeenchat
ti
ngtoTr i
stananhei safunny
sweetguy.TheoneIwasaccompanyi ngtoget
shopswasverysil
entbutwheneverIl i
ftmyhead
upfrom myphonehewasl ookingatmeandwoul d
l
ookaway.Wei r
dIknow.Hei sverysil
ent.Weget
totheshop.
Me:
'youcangobuy"
Het
ookoutR200not
eandgavei
ttome.
Hi
m:"
samenet
wor
kasyou"
Me:
"MTN?"
Henodded.If
rowned.
Me:
"andcol
ddr
ink?"
Hesmi
ledandt
ookt
hemoney.
Hi
m:"Iwi
llgoandbuy"
Hewalkedoff
.Ishookmyheadandcar r
iedon
bei
ngonmyphone.Tr istanwasnowoffl
ine.He
camebackaftersomet i
mewithcol
dri
nkand
ai
rt
imeandhehadedaP. StomeandItooki t
l
ookingathi
m andfrowning.
Hi
m:"i
t'
stheonl
ychocol
atet
heyhave"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Isai
dthatwhi
lewewer
ewal
king.
Hi
m:"huh?"
Me:"noi
t'
sthemessagewrit
tenoni
t.Iguess
t
heseoneswereavai
labl
e."
Henodded.
Me:
"Youdon'
ttal
kmuch?"
Hi
m:"Iam ashyper
son."
Igi
ggl
edwhi
leshaki
ngmyhead.
Me:
"ok.Thanksf
ort
hechocol
ate."
Henoddedwithhandsinhi
spocketandIopenedit
andshar
editwit
hhim.Hechuckledandweat e
whil
ewalki
ng.Hi
sstarewasint
enseandIlooked
away.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
32] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t52

*
UNATHI*
Icamebackf eeli
ngabi tbet
ter.Iwenttocheckon
Lethoandshewaswi thhernanny.Ihopeshe
won'tbet r
oubl
ebecauseIal r
eadyhadoneif el
t
withbef oreandIam readythisti
me.Iwentt o
Ntethelelo'
sstudyandhewasst andi
ngbyt hedesk
whilelookingouttothebackyar d.Hebuiltthispar
t
i
ngl asssohecanhavemoment sli
ketheseand
thi
nk.Isnakedmyhandsbehi ndhim andlaidmy
headonhi sshoulderandhesighed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Iwasqui
etandheputhi
shandsonmyar
ms.
Ther
ewassil
enceforal
it
tl
ewhil
e.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry.Forever
ythi
ng."
HenoddedandIlookedathi
sscarandIt
ouchedi
t
buthet
urnedandheldmyhand.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"don'
tdot
hatpl
ease"
Inoddedandper
kedhi
sli
ps.
Me:
"whenar
ewegoi
nghomeagai
n?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Fr
iday"
Inoddedandhemovedf
rom meandwentt
osi
tat
hi
sdesk.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ineedt
ogetsomewor
kdonebef
ore
t
hen"
Me:
"ok"
Il
ookathim ashewor ks.WhereismyNtet
hel
elo?
Hewoul dbeholdi
ngmeatt hemomentandsayi
ng
al
lthatIneededtohear.HaswhatZamasaid
happenedorthisi
sjustali
tt
lehi
ccup?
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ntet
helel
ohasn' tcal
ledtodayandIam get
ti
ngabi t
worri
ed.Idon'twantt ocal
landcausehavocwith
hiswifebutIdialanywayanditgetsansweredon
thefi
rstri
ng.
Me:
"ial
mostt
houghtyouwer
ehi
tt
ingandr
unni
ng
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntet
helelo:
"Iwasdoi
ngsomewor
k.Howi
s
ever
ything?"
Me:"wearel
eavi
ngnowf oryourhomeandfir
st
t
hingi
nthemorni
ngtheywillt
akeustother
iveror
whatj
ustsowecanbecleansed."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ohIsee"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Me:
"haveyour
est
ed?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
ll"
Me:
"youj
ustgotoutoft
hehospi
talNt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"don'
twor
ry"
Isi
gh
Me:
"justpr
omi
seyouwi
ll
.Doi
tforyouchi
ldr
en"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.Iwi
llgor
estnow"
Me:
"good"
Ntet
hel
elo:"Il
oveyousugarpl
um.Iwisht
o
r
ememberever ybeaut
if
ulmomentweshar
edand
t
hisonetoo"
Me:
"youwi
ll
.Don'
trushi
t"
Si
yamt
handawal
kedi
n.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo.Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
Ihungup.
Si
ya:
"Mbul
azimmh"
BabyNJcr
iedandIpi
ckedhi
m upandchangedhi
s
happy.
Si
ya:
"haveyoupacked?"
Me:
"yesIhave."
Si
ya:
"okl
et'
sgo"
Wet
ookourt
hingsandwewal
kedout
.
Khul
uza:
"br
ingt
hatbabyher
e"
IgaveherZi
khal
iandsheki
ssedhi
sli
ps.
Khul
uza:"Ihopeyouwon'
tgi
vemeahear
tat
tack
l
ikeyourgr
andfat
herandmot
her"
Me:
"Khul
uza"
ShelaughedandgavemebackZikhal
iandshe
ki
ssedourforeheads.Wewal
kedoutanddadwas
tal
kingtoMrKhumaloanditseemedli
keaheat
ed
conversat
ion.I
twasn'
tbadthough.
Dad:
"Comeher
e"
Heki
ssedmycheekandki
ssedZi
khal
i.
MrKhumal
o:"Ar
eyour
eady?"
Me:
"yessi
r"
MrKhumal
o:"cal
lmebaba"
Inodded.
Dad:
"youhavet
ogetgoi
ng."
Thel
o:"AyandaIam notr
idi
ngwi
thyouanymor
e."
Ayanda:
"Andwhyi
sthat?"
Hehadaf
rown
Thel
o:"Iwantt
oleavewi
thZamaniandAndi
swa"
Ayanda:
"Mbongeni"
Mbongeni:
"Siyamt
handari
ght?Yesshewi
llgo
wi
thyousinceyouareaqui
etper
son"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"qui
etyesqui
et"
Ayandaandqui
etdon'
tmi
x.Hel
ookedf
lushedand
hewenttohi
scar.
Siya:
"YhoyouknowIt
alkt
oomuch.Howam I
gonnadeal?"
Me:"youwil
ldealwel
landbesi
desmaybeyou
mi
ghtlikehi
m"
Si
ya:
"Il
ikesomeoneel
se"
Me:
"ok.
bye"
Iwavedandwal
kedof
f.Igoti
nthecarandZamani
goti
naswell
.
Me:
"IwonderwhenAyandast
art
edbei
ngqui
et"
Hechuckl
ed
Zamani
:"
sinceyourcousi
nhappened"
Me:
"mmmh"
.
.
*
SANDI
LE*
Iwasl ooki
ngatherwhileleaningonthewallasshe
movedar oundthekit
chen.Si ncewhathappened
earl
iershehasbeenavoidingme.Ir eall
ydon'tli
ke
Pearl.Whatbindsusthi
st i
mei sacontract,
wor k
rel
ated.ShesaidIneededt osignsomedocument s
anditwasl at
eatnightandIsai dIwil
lseehertoday
butshecameanyway.Ir egretever
ythi
ng.Iwon't
l
ie.IdidgethardbutIwil
lnevercheatonMer cy.I
snappedbackwhenshel ooksatmeandIwal kto
her.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Shekeepsqui
et.Ihol
dherbutsher
emovesher
sel
f.
Mercy:"unt
ilyouval
ueusbet
weenherIdon'
twant
youtouchi
ngme"
Me:
"pear
lisgonnadest
royus?
"
Mer
cy:
"youar
elet
ti
ngher"
Me:
"howbaby?
"
Mercy:
"putherinherpl
acesandi
le,
tel
lhert
ofuck
of
fyouorIwon'tbeaccount
edformyacti
ons"
Ir
aisedmybr
ow.
Me:
"whatdoyoumean?"
Mer
cy:
"youwi
llsee.Andt
hatgoesf
oryout
ook"
Shepoi
ntedthekni
featmeandt
henwentbackt
o
what
evershewasdoing.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Thesunisgoingdownandset t
ing.Whydi dweopt
todri
vereal
ly,butIam notcompl aini
ngabi t.Il
ook
atherandsheislooki
ngout si
dethewi ndow.She
seemsbored.WellIwouldbeaswel li
fit
'sthis
sil
enti
nthecarforanhour.Iclear edmyt hroat.
Me:
"whatt
ypeofmusi
cdoyoul
ist
ent
o?"
Si
ya:
"any"
Shesai
dlooki
ngoutsi
det
hewindow.Iswal
lowed,
damnsheismakingmesweatandusual
lyiwoul
d
havemadeagirll
aughwi
thmycharmsnowbut
not
hing.I
thar
dtoevenutt
erwor
dsnow.Iconnect
myphonet ot
heBl
uetoot
handplaysomesongs
"
Thi
swhathappenwhenIt
hinkaboutyou
Igeti
nmyf
eel
ings,
yeah
Ist
artr
emi
nisci
ng,
yeah
Nextt
imear
ound,
fuckIwanti
ttobedi
ff
erent
,yeah
Wait
ingonasi
gn,
guessi
t'
sti
mef
oradi
ff
erent
pr
ayer
Lor
dpl
easesaveherf
orme,
dot
hisonef
avorf
or
me
Ihadt
ochangemyplayofwaysgotwayt
o
compl
icat
edforme
Ihopeshe'
swai
ti
ngf
orme
Ever
ywher
eshego,
theypl
ayi
n'mysong
That
'swhyIsaythethi
ngst
hatIsayt
hatwayI
knowyoucan'
tignor
eme
Butso,
so
Sogi
mmeal
lofyoui
nexchangef
orme
Justgivemeal
lofyoui
nexchangef
orme,
for
me...
..
."
"
Youl
ist
ent
oBr
ysont
il
ler?
"
Il
ookedather
.
Me:
"yeahIdo"
Si
ya:"Il
ovet
hedudel
ikei
fIcoul
dmar
ryhi
mi
woul
d"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"itgi
rlt
hingt
ofant
asi
esIguess"
Si
ya:
"yeahi
tis.Il
oveSor
rynotsor
ry"
Di
dshe?Nah
Me:
"that
'soneofmyf
avour
it
es."
Si
ya:
"howmanyf
avour
it
esdoyouhave?"
Me:
"Idon'
thavemuch.Just3t
opones"
Thesi
ngchangedand'
webot
hknow'
camei
n.
Shetur
nedupt
hevol
umeabi
t.Iwasshaki
ngmy
head
Me:
"Ay,
yeah
I
'
m notyour
,yourman,
baby
No,
Ican'
tdowhatamanshoul
dbedoi
ngf
oryou
Tr
yingmybestt
opul
lthr
oughf
oryou,
yeah,
yeah
Li
sten,
fewyear
swebeenati
t,somuchst
ati
c
Ibeencal
li
ngyouspor
adi
cal
l
y
Sameoldshi
t,packyourbags,
comel
aybackwi
th
me,ay.
..
..
"
Shej
oinedi
n
Me&her:
"Lastt
imet
hatwef
ucked,
thatshi
twas
ci
nemat
ic
Idon'
texpectf
oryout
oset
tl
eforme
ButIhat
eitwhenyousayt
ome
You'
redonepl
ayi
nggameswi
thme
Donet
rynawai
tforme,
sti
llcheckf
orme
Youcan'
tgetawayf
rom me,
yeah,
yeah
Got
ellt
hem youst
il
lloveme,
yeah
Don'
tknowi
tbutyou'
rest
uckwi
thme,
yeah
Bynowyouknowyou'
rest
uckwi
thme,
oh,
oh,
yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
..
."
Shel
aughedandIchuckl
ed.
Si
ya:
"youar
ebest
fri
endmat
eri
alshame"
Icl
earedmythroatandMyqui
etwhi
leshebobbl
e
herheadbackandfort
h
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
32] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t53

*
AYANDA*

iwasinmyf l
at.Mom andtheuncleswit
hdadwent
togoandcleanseAndi
swaandt hebabyandaft
er
thatper
for
m what'
snecessar
yandt hencomeback.
Thel
owalkedi
ntomyr
oom andl
ookedatme.I
si
ghed.
Thelo:
"IthoughtIwoul
dfi
ndyoui
nsmi
lesand
drunkIl
ove."
Me:
"youmeanr
eject
ed?
"
Thel
o:"youmadeamoveonher?
"
Me:
"no,
shedi
dn'
tgi
vemeachancet
o"
Hef
rowned
Thel
o:"whathappenedt
hen?"
Me:"wewereenj
oyi
ngt
hesamemusi
candsi
ngi
ng
her
eandther
e"
Thel
o:"ok"
Me:
"unt
ilshesai
dIam best
fri
endmat
eri
al"
Helaughedwhi
ler
oll
ingont
hebed.Ihi
thi
s
shoul
der.
Thel
o:"wow"
Me:
"mxm "
Thel
o:"whatar
eyougonnadonow?"
Hecar
ri
edonl
aughi
ng.
Thel
o:"sor
ry"
Me:
"Iam gonnabet
hatbest
fri
end"
Thel
o:"yougi
vingup?That
snotr
ight"
Me:
"maybei
t'
sjustasi
ll
ycr
ush"
Thel
o:"maybe"
Si
ll
ycr
ush?Evenacr
ushneverf
eltl
iket
hisbef
ore.
Thel
o:"comel
et'
sgoandeatbef
oret
heyr
etur
n."
Istoodupandworemyshoesandwewentt
othe
mai nhouse.Unami
andSiyawer
echat
ti
ngupa
storm.
Thel
o:"l
adi
es"
Theyr
epl
ied
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
Iwasonmykneesast heyspl
ashedfreakencold
wateronme.Icoul dn'
tdoanythi
ngbutj ustkneel
ther
eandl ett
hem getdone.Iwasonlyinmy
underwearandnot hemenwereont heot hersi
de
wait
ingwithBabyNJ.
Mr
sKhumal
o:"Mnt
ungwa,
Mbul
az'
omnyama,
Ni
nabakaBhej
'eseNgome,
Ni
n'enadl
'
umunt
uni
myengangendaba,
Ni
n'enadl
'i
zimf
'ezi
mbi
lii
khambil
aphumal
il
inye,
Lobengul
akaMzi
li
kazi
,
Mzi
li
kazikaMashobana,
ShobananoGasakaZi
kode,
(cl
annames)
"
Shewaschant i
ngthem asshewassmear ingsome
thingsonmeandt hengotmedr essedinawhi t
e
clothandthenLisawentt ocallt
hemen.Thecame
withbabyNJandt heyundressedhim.It
'sthe
mor ni
ngcoldnessandt hewateriscol
dIknow.The
mi nut
ethesplashedwat eronhim hescreamedand
myhear tbroke.
Me:"(whi
sper
ingt
oLi
sa)
it
'senoughnowhei
sa
baby"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Li
sa:
"tr
ustmehewi
llbef
ine.Justal
it
tl
efl
ue."
Ayishebr
okemeshesai
dthat
.
MrKhumal
o:"Mnt
ungwa,
Mbul
az'
omnyama,
Ni
nabakaBhej
'eseNgome,
Ni
n'enadl
'
umunt
uni
myengangendaba,
Ni
n'enadl
'i
zimf
'ezi
mbi
lii
khambil
aphumal
il
inye,
Lobengul
akaMzi
li
kazi
,
Mzi
li
kazikaMashobana,
ShobananoGasakaZi
kode,
webr i
ngourli
tt
leheirt
o
you.Prot
ectandgui
dehimfrom al
levi
landgive
him wi
sedom aswel
l"
Theygavehi
mtomeandt
het
ookar
azorandI
cl
enchedonmybaby.
Me:
"whati
sther
azorf
or?"
Mah:"Ourancestor
shavewal
kedthi
slandand
di
edont hi
slandandweneedhisbl
oodtobeshed
sotheancestor
swil
lknowhi
m."
Ireal
lywishedthi
swasaj oke.Ireall
ywishedthat
theyareaprayingfamily.Theonl ybl
oodthat
wouldhavebeenshedwast hebloodofJesus.I
wascr yi
ngwithBabyNJwhent herazor
edhislit
tl
e
hand.Ifeltt
hepainthepai nmybabyi sfeeli
ng.
Thebandagedhi m af
tertheyspill
edthebloodandI
tookablanketandwr appedhi minit.
Li
sa:
"youwi
llbef
ine."
Ne:
"ithur
tsLi
sa"
Li
sa:"wewil
lgi
vehim panadot
onumbt
hepai
na
bi
tandthenhewil
lsl
eep"
Inoddedsni f
fi
ng.Wewalkedt
hisj
our
neyandwe
willwalkback.It
snotal
ongone.Zikhal
iwasst
il
l
cryingandIcradl
edhim.
Me:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

wewer ecookingameal justforthi

slit
tl
eceremony.
Theysaidthemaincer emonyi swhent heot
her
babyarri
ves.Ican'tbeli
evetheygavebi r
thont he
sameday.Theguyswer eoutbuyingsomedr inks
j
usttomakeever yt
hingf est
ive.Ihavebeent ext i
ng
wit
hTristanandItoldhim Iam cookingatmy
Cousi
n'sBabyDaddy' shouse.Hewant edapict ure
andUnamit ookoneandIsenti tt
ohim.Hecal led
meaftersomet i
meandt heguysent er
ed.Ayanda
waslookingatme.
Me:"Iwi
llbebacknow"
Unami:
"sur
e"
Iwi
pedmyhandsandwal
kedoutanswer
ing.
Me:
"MrBr
own"
Tri
stan:
"Iseeyouar
eper
for
mingwi
feydut
ies,
tr
ynahooksomeone?"
Me:
"no.Tr
ynashowyout
hatIcant
akecar
eof
t
hings."
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Imi
ssyou.Whenwi
llyoubeback?"
Me:
"ar
ewedat
ing?"
Hechuckl
ed
Tr
ist
an:
"notyetbutIwoul
dlovet
hat
"
Ibl
ushed.
Me:
"met
oo"
Tr
ist
an:
"youwannadat
emeCoco?"
Me:
"st
opi
tyouar
emaki
ngmebl
ush"
Ayandapassedmewi
thhi
scarkeys.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ican'
twai
ttoseeyouagai
n"
Me:
"nextweek"
Tr
ist
an:
"that
'sf
ar"
IsawAndi
swaandt
heKhumal
ofami
lyappr
oachi
ng.
Me:"don'twor
ry.Wewi
llspendt
ime.Ihavet
ogo.
Dut
ycalls."
Tr
ist
an:
"youl
ooksexy"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ipbl
ushi
ng.
Me:
"byeTr
ist
an"
Hechuckledandwehungup.Andi
swal
ooked
dr
ained.
Me:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Li
sa:
"theyr
azor
edZi
khal
i'
shand"
Me:
"hai
bo"
Andi
swacr
ied.Ihuggedher
.
Me:
"sor
rycuz"
Li
sa:
"Iwi
llgett
hatpanado"
Shewenti
nsi
det
hehouse.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
32] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t54

.
.
*
AYANDA*

Isawhertal
kingonthephoneasIwentt othecarto
getmoredri
nks.Iwonderwhomakesherl aughli
ke
that
.Whomakesherbl ushli
kethat
.IgotwhatI
neededandIwentbackandshewaswr appingup
hercal
l.It
hinkthi
sisthesecondcall
Si
ya:
"bye"
Shesai
dandhungup.
Me:
"Bae,
Best
ie?"
Shegi
ggl
edandhi
tmyshoul
der
.
Si
yamt
handa:
"youcoul
dsay"
Mychestwaspai
ningwhenshesai
dthat
.
Si
ya:
"Iam i
nneedofsomewi
nei
namug"
Me:"It
houghtyoul
adi
esni
ghtneedi
tsoIboughti
t
f
oryou,i
t'
sinmyroom"
Si
ya:
"wenabest
ie.Youar
eforkeepsshame"
ShehandedoutherhandandIgaveherkeys.
Si
ya:
"Imi
ghtt
akesomet
hingIl
ikeso"
Ichuckl
edandnoddedasshewal
kedaway.I
l
ookedather.
Unami:
"youl
ikeher"
Me:
"who?Me?"
Unami:
"Iwasn'
taski
ng.Iwasj
ustst
ati
ngt
he
obvi
ous"
Me:
"mxm moveoutoft
heway"
Shedi
dandIgoti
ntheki
tchen.HowdoIgether
now?

Af
ewdayspassed.
*
UNATHI*

Wewer eontheroadgoi ngt

oKznIdon'tknowwhy
wearedrivi
ngdownt her
e.Wecouldhavetakent he
ai
rpl
aneandf l
ewdownt her
ebutt
hisisNtethel
elo.
Hedoesn'tminddrivi
ng.Thenannywasatt heback
wi
thLetho.IwasInf r
ontwit
hNtet
helel
oandwe
wereabouttoarr
ive.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"BehaveUnat
hi"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"yout
oldmeat
housandt
imeNt
ethel
elo"
Hewassi lent
.Weent er edt heroadl eadingtohis
homeandIwasl ookingout si
de.Ican' twai tt
oget
outofher e.Couldn'ttheyt akeLet hoal oneanddo
whatwasnecessar y? Iwi l
lneverunder st
andthi
s
tradi
ti
onalt hi
ng.Wegott ohi shomeandhi sfamil
y
wasupanddownt heyar d.Hepar kedt hecarand
hismot herappearedf rom t hedoorsmi li
ngandI
knewt hatmyst ayher ewi llberuined.Wegotoutof
thecarandshecamef orth.
Mah:
"Myki
ds"
Shehuggedus.Shewentt
otakeLet
ho.
Mah:
"theot
her
sar
einsi
de"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"come"
Wewentinsi
dethehouseandther
ewasnoi seat
t
heki
tchen.Everyonest
oppedandlookedatus.
Me:
"whati
sshedoi
ngher
e?"
Unami:
"whatdoyout
hink?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"cal
m downUnat
hi"
Me:"Iwon'tcal
m downNt
ethel
elowhati
syour
mi
stressdoingher
e!"
Andi
swa:
"IknewIshoul
dhavel
eftdaysago"
Shetookababybot
tl
efrom t
hejugandt
urnedI
wentaft
erheandpul
ledhehair
.
Me:
"Iam gonnaki
llyouwena!
"
Li
sapull
edmeandsl appedmeandIsl
appedher
back.Nt
ethel
elohel
dme.
Me:
"putmedownNt
ethel
eloIwantt
oendher"
Babawal
kedi
n.
Baba:
"ever
yonei
nthel
ivi
ngr
oom now!"
Her oar
edt
hrought
heki
tchenandt
her
ewas
si
lence.
Baba:
"putherdown"
Ntethelel
odi dandIcl i
ckedmyt ongueandpushed
hi
m over .Andiswagavemeal ookandweal l
walkedt otheloungequi et
ly.Nt ethelel
osatdown
andIsatnextt ohi m holdi
nghishand.Heputi ton
hi
st highandIl ookedathim andf orcediti
nmy
hand.Mahcamei nwithLethoandanot hergi
rlI
don'tknowcamei nwi thanotherbabyandshesat
downnextt oAndiswa.
Baba:"Everyt
imether
eisagather
ingher
einmy
housethereisal
waysnoise!"
Me:
"ba.
..
..
."
Baba:
"shutupUnat
hiorIwi
l
lsl
apyou!
"
Hesai
dopeni
nghi
sbi
ghandandIswal
lowed.
Baba:"Youal
wayscausehavocwhenyouent
er
theseyar
ds,Ntet
hel
elogetyourwi
fei
nor
der
bef
oreIdoi
tmysel
f"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Baba:
"youar
eat
tacki
ngt
hepoorgi
rl"
Me: "shesleptwit
hmyhusband.Howdoyout
hink
ishouldfeel?!"
Awindpassedandmycheekst
inged.Hi
seyes
wer
ered.Thegasps.Ihel
dmycheek.
Baba:
"iwar
nedyou"
Ikeptqui
et.I
twasbur
ningandmyl
ightski
nwon'
t
help.
Baba:
"fewsecondsi
ntheyar
dandal
readyt
his."
Hef
ixedhi
msel
f.
Baba:
"AsIwassayi
ngbef
oreIwasi
nter
rupt
ed."
HeshotmealookandIrubbedmycheek,
whyi
s
Nt
ethel
eloj
ustsi
tt
ingt
here?
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
WhenNt et
hel
elo'
sfat
hersl
appedUnat
hiIsweari
peedonmyself.Ihel
dmycheeksandfel
tthatsl
ap
l
ikeitwasimpl
antedonme.
MrKhumalo:
"asIwassayi
ngbef
oreIwas
i
nter
rupt
ed"
Heshotal
ookatUnat
hi.
MrKhumal o:"weallknowt hemainr
easonweare
here.Tocelebrat
ethebir
thofourtwonew
additi
onstotheKhumalof amil
y,
Zikhal
izamantungwaKhumal oandLethokuhl
e
Khumal o"
Hef
ixedhi
msel
f.
MrKhumal
o:"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elost
oodupandMrKhumal
osatnextt
ohi
s
wi
fe.
Ntet
helel
o:"thankyoubaba.Iwouldli
ket of
ir
st
apol
ogisetomywi feUnathiandj
ustsayIam sor
ry
butIam notsorryf
ortheoutcomeandthen
Andiswa.Iam sorryIoutyouthr
oughalloft
hat"
Unat
hir
oll
edhereyes.
Ntethel
elo:
"JustafewdaysagoTheKhumalo
ancestor
sdecidedthatLet
hokuhl
eshoul
dbe
broughtint
oearth"
Unat
hismi
rkedwhi
lel
ooki
ngatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"butGodhadot
herpl
ansaswelland
br
oughtmysonZikhal
iwhowedidn'
tknowof."
Thef
rownonherf
ace.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Unat
hit
hisi
sZi
khal
imyson."
Unat
hi:
"wai
t..
..
.no"
Shescreamedandt
hrewherphonemywaybutI
ducked
Me:
"Si
yamt
handagot
othebedr
oom andl
ock"
ShewentawaywithZi
khal
iandUnat
higr
abbedmy
neckandIwentf
orherweave.Thet
ri
edpul
li
ngher
.
Unathi:
"Iwanttoki
llyoueveni
naf
terl
if
eyoudon'
t
t
hinkofsleepi
ngwit
hmar ri
edmen.
It
ri
edtoremoveherhandsbutherperf
ectnai
ls
weredi
ggingi
ntomyskin.Theygotherof
fmeandI
st
art
edbreat
hedandshewasf
ight
ingherwayout
ofMbongeni
'
shold.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyouok?"
Touchi
ngmycheekandIr
emovedhi
shands.
Me:
"Iam f
ine"
Ist
oodupandwal
kedoutsi
de.Sher eal
lydi
da
numberonmyski
n.Ayandafol
lowed.
Ayanda:
"wear
esor
ry"
Me:"i
twasboundtohappen.Ineedt
odr
inksome
wat
er.Myt
hroati
sdry"
HenoddedandIwal kedinsideandwenttothesi
nk.
Iheardsomet hi
ng'
sbr eaki
ngandscr eami
ngand
Unathienter
edthekitchenchargingtowar
dsme.I
movedbackwar dandshegr abbedthekni
fefr
om
thecounter.
Thel
o:"Unat
hi!"
Wewer edistr
actedbyhim andIdr
oppedmygl ass
whenshest abbedmytorsoarea.Shelef
ttheknif
e
andtookthetrayandbasheditonmyheadandI
wentdownandi twaslight
sout.
[
09/
17,
18:
33] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t55

*
NTETHELELO*

WhenIwal kedinthekitchenAndiswawasonthe
fl
oorandIjustdon'tknowwhathappenedbutI
draggedUnathibyherhai randshewasscreami
ng.
Iwasn'tpi
ssedno.Iwasf urioust
othemax.Iam
ti
redofhershit
.Ayandapi ckedupAndiswa.
Me:
"takecar
eofherbr
oIam comi
ng"
Henoddedwal
kingout
.
Unat
hi:
"youar
egonnaf
ightf
ort
hatbi
tch!
"
Igoti
nourf
latandicl
osedt
hedoor
.
Unat
hi:
"FuckyouYezwaNt
ethel
elof
uck.
..
..
."
Isl
appedherandshest
umbl
edbackandt
ear
s
madeitdownmyeyes.
Me:
"Iam f
uckent
ir
edofal
lyourshi
tUnat
hi"
Ihaveneverhurtawomanbef
orebutthatdayI
wantedto.Iwassotemptedt
obutIjustpunched
thedoorbefor
emakingmywayoutlockingher
i
nside.Iwenttomycarandcall
edZamani.
Me:"Iam donewit
hher.Drawupdi
vor
cepaper
s
andcal
lthepoli
cetwocases."
Zamani:
"Uhm Iwi
ll"
Hepat
tedmyback.Mom wasst
andi
ngt
her
ewi
th
t
ear
s.
Mom :
"makesur
eshei
sok"
Inoddedandgoti
nmycarandIdr
oveof
f.
Me:
"FuckUnat
hi!
,
",
TearsblindedmyeyesandIj ustst
oppedt hecar
andpunchedt hesteeringwheelacoupl eofti
mes.
Mybr eathingescalated.Iwasshaki nginrageand
didn'
tknowhowt or eleasei
t.IfIhithershewould
havebeendeadbecauseIwoul dhaveblackedout.
Iknow.Iwi pedmyt earsandstart
edt hecaragai
n
anddr oveoffinhighspeedj usttogettothe
hospi
tal.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

ThingsjusthappenedfastandIdon' tknowhow
thi
scanbesol ved.SheisloosingbloodandIf inall
y
gettothehospitalaf
terali
ttl
ewhilelonger.Isprung
outofthecarandwenti nsidewithher.Shewas
sil
entandweneedst omakei toreverythi
ngwillfal
l
aparti
nNt et
helelo'
sworld.
Me:
"Ineedhel
p!"
Thenursesrushedt
omewi t
hastret
cherandilad
heronitandtheywheel
edheraway.Il
ookedthe
di
rect
ionshewentandanursecametome.
Her:
"pl
easecomesi
gnsomedocument
ssi
r."
Me:
"uhm ok"
If
oll
owedaf
terhert
osi
gnt
hosedocument
s.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Ihavebeenbangingthisdoorli
keamadper sonf
or
somet i
me.Nt et
helel
ojustsl
appedmeandi
couldn'
tbel
ievei
treal
ly.Shebewitchedhi
m
becausehewouldneverdot hattome.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elol
etmeout
.!!
"
Iscream whil
ebangi
ngthedoor
.Imoveawayf rom
i
twhenIki ckitandt
hedoori
sbeingopened.I
rushedtoitandZamaniwal
kedin.
Zamani:
"Theyar
ewai
ti
ngf
oryou"
Me:
"who?"
HemovedasideandIwal
kedoutandpol
ice
appr
oachedmeandheldmyhandsandcuffedme.
Offi
cer:
"Youar eunderar
restf
orwoundi
ngand
att
emptedMur der,
Anythi
ngyoudoorsaywil
lbe
usedagainstyou..
..
..
."
Ii
nter
rupt
edhi
m.
Me:
"Idi
dNot
hingl
etgoofme"
Of
fi
cer:
"Come"
Het
ookmyar
m.
Me:"Idi
dnothing.Unt
iemeIdi
dnot
hingwr
ong
t
hatputt
hatbi
tchinherpl
ace!"
Theyopenedthepol
icevanandshovedmei
nsi
de.
Inevert
houghtIwouldbei
none.Icri
ed.
Me:
"letmeout
.

.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iarr
ivedatt
hehospi
talandAyandawassi
tti
ng
ther
ewaiti
ng.Iwenttohim andhest
oodup.
Me:
"howi
sshe?"
Ayanda:
"Iam st
il
lwai
ti
ng"
Inoddedandt
heDrappear
edandwer
ushedt
ohi
m.
Dr:
"Bhengu"
Me:
"thatus"
Dr:"right.Wehavemanagedt osedat eMsBhengu
andwehaveanal yzedandf oundthatsincesheis
stabbedonherwombar ea.Wel lt
heAbdomen
representsthethirdanatomicalregionofthebody
mostaf fect
edaf tertheli
mbsandhead.As
pregnancyevol ves,uter
usincreasesinsizeand
goesbeyondt hepelviccavi
ty;exposingtheuterus
totraumaandpenet rati
nginjuri
esinparti
cular
."
Me:
"shei
snotpr
egnant"
Dr:"Iknow.I
nthi
scaseshewasasi
tseemsso
ri
ght?"
Inodded.Idi
dn'
tqui
etgett
hef
ir
stpar
tbutIwant
ed
hi
mt ocarryon.
Dr:"Tradi
ti
onally,stabwoundsvi olati
ngthe
abdominalwallfascialedtoexploratorycel
iot
omy
thatwasoft
ennont her
apeutic.I
nanat tempttoli
mit
thenumberofnont her
apeuti
cceliotomies(NTC),
wedevisedapr otocoltoprospecti
velystudystab
woundsviolat
ingt heanter
iorabdomi nalwallf
asci
a.
"
Ayanda:
"Dryoul
ostusatwel
l"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"isshegoi
ngt
obef
ine?"
Dr:"shewillbebutshewil
lhaveabi
tofadif
fi
cult
ti
meget t
ingpregnantf
rom her
eonwardsbecause
herwoundi sdeep.
Me:
"FuckUnat
hi!"
Isatdown.
Dr:
"Thatwi
llbeal
lfornow"
Hewal
kedaway.
Ayanda:
"wewi
lldealwi
thherl
ater
."
Idon'
tknowanymor
e
.
.
*UNATHI*
Theytookallmyf i
ngerprint
sandmademedo
otherthi
ngsbeforelocki
ngmeupinacellast
he
offi
cerwasclosingthebars.
Me:
"Ij
ustneedonephonecal
l"
Shelookedatmeandopenedt
hegar
bagebef
ore
put
ti
nghandcuffsonme.
Me:
"youar
ehur
ti
ngme"
Her:
"Qui
et!
"
Ikeptqui
etandshewalkedwithmewheret
he
phoneswereandItookitanddial
edmom.She
answered
Mom :
"hel
lo"
Me:
"(cr
ying)
mom Iam i
njai
l"
Mom :
"whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
her
e?"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloar
rest
edmecome"
"
Mom:
"Iwi
llcont
actmyl
awyerst
ayt
her
e"
"
Timesup!"
Me:
"mom hur
ryIhavet
ogo.!
"
Iwast
akenawayf
rom t
hephone
Her:
"comeBar
biegall
et'
sgo"
Shepul
ledmeawayandIcr
ied.
Her:
"thel
adi
eswi
lll
oveyour
ichone"
Shesai
dthr
owi
ngmei
nthecel
lbef
orel
ocki
ngup.
Thi
sisamess
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
33] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t56

*
UNATHI*

Iwascr
yingmysel
fint
hecor
ner
.Whydi
d
Ntet
helel
odot histomef orsomethingri
ght?
Eversi
nceAndiswacamei ntoourl
ivesthi
ngs
haven'
tbeengoi ngwel landshejustsnatchedmy
husband.Shei stakingmyhusbandawayf rom me
andIshouldjustwat ch.Iwascur l
eduponmyown.
MyexpensiveChannelshoesandVer sacedress
weregett
ingruined.Myhai randnail
sarenotsuited
fort
hiski
ndofenvi ronment .Awhi stl
ecameandI
l
ookedatthecor ner.
Woman:
"Bar
biegal"
Idon'
tknowi
fIshoul
dcl
assi
fyherasawomanor
man.
Me:
"what!
?"
Shechuckl
edandmovedherf
ri
endsasi
de.
one
hel
dherchest
Lady:
"Notwi
thher"
Woman:
"orwhat?"
Theonetookouthi
spocketkni
feandshest
epped
awaycl
icki
nghertongue.Thel
adycametome.
Me:
"youar
egonnast
andme?
"
Shel
ookedboyi
shi
nawaybutcut
easwel
l
.
Her:
"Cal
lmeAxe"
Shel
etoutherhand.
Me:"Iam nothert
omakef
ri
ends.Iwi
llbeoutof
her
esoon"
Shel
aughed.
Her:
"Isee.Whatdi
dtheybr
ingyoui
nfor?
"
Me:
"whydoyoucar
evel
e?"
Her:"
Idon'
tbutt
hatdoesn'tmeanIcan'
ttr
ybei
ng
nicewhenIwantt
o.AndIam notni ce,
Icanend
youwithonest
abifIwantedtoendyou"
Iswal
lowedasshepl
ayedwi
thherkni
fe.
Her:
"whatar
eyoui
nfor?"
Me:
"uhm woundi
ngandat
tempt
edMur
der"
Shechuckl
ed.Hercheekhadonedi
mpl
eanda
pi
erci
ngonherdi
mpl e.
Her:
"Iseeyouaremarr
iedsoIassumet
heper
son
youst
abbedist
hesidechickr
ight?"
Me:
"yes"
Her:
"it
'syourbest
fri
end?"
Me: "no,Londi
ewouldneverdot
hat
.It
'ssomepoor
gir
landshej ustt
ookmyhusband.Sherui
ned
everyt
hing."
Her:
"from t
helooksyoudid.Maybeyourhusband
woul
dhavemar r
iedherandkeptyouaswel
lbut
your
uineditforyour
self"
Me:
"youdon'
tknowme"
Her:
"yetyouar
ereadabl
e"
"
Bar
bie!
"
Il
ookedatt
heoff
icerwhowassi
gnal
ingf
orme.I
l
ookedatAxe.
Her:
"go,
Iwi
llseeyou"
Shekissedmycheekandistoodup.Shesmelled
manlybutgood.It
ouchedmycheekandt heof f
icer
cuff
edmebef or
ewewalkedoff.Wegotinar oom
andmom anddadwer ether
e.Ir
antothem and
huggedthem.
Mom :
"wewi
llt
ryandgetyououtofher
e"
Me:
"pl
easedo"
Mom :
"Ibr
oughtal
awyer"
Dad:
"Ibr
oughtaDr"
Mom r
oll
edhereyes
Dad:
"sheneedshel
p"
Me:
"Iam notcr
azy"
Dr:
"butyousuf
ferf
rom At
tent
ionDef
ici
t..
."
Me:
"Mom "
Mom :
"si
tdownhoney"
Thedet
ect
ivewal
kedi
n.
Detect
ive:"Ri
ghtlet
'
sgetont
his.Themsher
eis
faci
ngal ongj
ailt
ime"
Lawyer:
"therei
sn'
tmuchevi
denceshei
sbehi
nd
thi
saccusati
on"
Det
ecti
ve:
"theattemptmur deryesbutwounding
t
herei
s.Wej ustneedt ogett
hef i
ngerpri
ntsof
f
t
hatkni
feandweal readyhavewitnessesanda
woundedpat
ient
"
Mom :
"nonotmybaby"
Det
ect
ive:
"so5year
sjai
lti
mei
swhatshewi
ll
ser
ve"
Mom cr
ied.
Dr:
"sheneedsapsychi
atr
iceval
uati
on.Shei
s
suf
fer
ingf
rom achr
onicmentali
ll
ness"
Thedet
ect
ivesatdown.
Det
ect
ive:
"expl
ain"
Dr:
"Att
entionDefici
tisachroni
ccondit
ion
i
ncl
udingat t
enti
ondiff
icul
ty,
hyper
act
ivi
tyand
i
mpulsiveness
ADHDof tenbeginsinchi
ldhoodandcanper si
st
i
ntoadulthood.Itmaycontri
butet
olowself-
esteem,
tr
oubledrelat
ionshi
psanddiffi
cul
tyatschoolor
work.
Treatmentcanhelp,butthi
scondit
ioncan'tbe
cured
Requi
resamedi
caldi
agnosi
s."
,
Det
ect
ive:
"Idon'
tseei
tanyofmypr
obl
em t
hatshe
hadt
roubl
einr
elat
ionshi
psbef
ore."
Hest
oppedup
Detect
ive:
"sendi
ntherepor
tbutyouNanaar
e
st
ayingandnothi
ngcanbedone"
Hewal
kedoutandIcr
ied.
Mom:
"ohmybaby"
Dad:
"thi
sisal
lyourf
aul
t"
Hewal
kedout
.Mychestwaspai
ning.
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Zikhalihasbeencr yi
ngnonstopunt i
lLisafeeboth
thekidsAl l
ergexandt heybothslept.Itwasgetti
ng
abitlateandnooni sbackwithanyfeedback.We
washedt hedishes.Theydi dint
roducet heot
her
babyt oit'
sancest orsandthatcontr
ibutedtothe
choi
r.Iam wor r
iedaboutAndiswa, Ihopeshe
real
lypull
sthr
ough.Myphoner ingsandit'
s
Khuluza.Idon'
tevenknowwhatt osay.Iswall
ow
andswi t
choffmyphone.IwilltalktoherwhenI
knoworgetnewsonAndi swa.
Me:
"Ineedsomet
hingbi
tt
er"
Unami:
"Ir
eal
lyl
ikeyou.Ayanda'
sroom "
Me:
"ok"
Iwentwi
thamugandwentoutt ohisroom.He
gavemehiskeysearl
ieronsoIunlockedandIgot
i
nandwenttotheJohnnywal kedstashandI
openedi
tandpoureditint
hemug.
"
Doyoual
waysdr
ink?"
YouIal
mostspi
ll
edt
hewhol
ethi
ng.
Me:
"ayiUyangi
thusamanAyanda(youar
escar
ing
meAyanda)"
Hechuckl
edandthrewhiscarkeysonhi
sbed
whi
leIcl
osedthebott
le.
Me:
"howi
sshe?"
Ayanda:
"shewi
llbeok"
Hesmi
ledandt
hrewhi
msel
font
hebedhuggi
ng.
Me:"youmustbeti
red,
best
ieher
ewil
lgoand
makesomefoodforyouwhi
leyougoandbat
h"
Ayanda:
"(chuckl
ing)Iwi
llchar
ge20cowsonyou
Besti
e"
Me:"fi
nal
lysomeonewhoseesmyval
ueandthatI
don'
tcomecheap.Hol
dher
eIam comi
ngback."
HesatupandIgavehi m mymugandwentout .I
wentt omakesomef oodforhim.Theaunt'swere
tal
kingamoungstt hemselves.Iwenttowarmit
andt henIwentoutwi t
hitIknockedonhisdoorand
heshout edcomein.Idi dandhewasi nboxer
s
only.Ithi
nktheroom justgotheatedher
e.Ipl
aced
thetrayonhisbed.
Me:
"her
eisyourf
ood"
Ayanda:
"thanksyousomuch.Youar
eonei
na
mil
li
on"
Me:
"thanksl
etmegetgoi
ng"
It
ookmymug.
Ayanda:
"asl
eepover?"
Il
ookedathi
m
Me:
"peopl
etal
kandt
heywi
l
lthi
nkwear
edat
ing"
Ayanda:
"wear
efr
iends"
Hisphonerangandhetooki
tandl
ookedati
t
befor
erej
ecti
ngthecal
l.
Ayanda:
"it
'sok"
Me:
"uhm.
..
."
Hisphonerangagain.Heanswered.Whil
eturni
ng
t
ot hewindow.Itookoffmyshoesandtookthe
wineandIgotont hebedandstar
teddowning
myselfini
t.Ireall
yprayAndi
swai sok.He
f
inishesanheturns.
Ayanda:
"wenaf
uthi(youagai
n??)
"
Wel
augh.
Me:
"Youbasi
cal
lyhaveal
iquorst
ore"
Hechuckl
ed.Andt
ookhi
sfood.
Me:
"youhaveaspeaker?"
Hepoi
ntedatitandIwenttot
akeitt
henIplugged
myphonein.Iplayedmusi
cwhil
eIwasdrinking
.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Icouldn'
tleavet
hehospi tal
.Thisisal
lmyf aul
t.
Everythi
ngis.Thisheadachehasbeenbot heri
ng
meal otandiseeblurryimagesbutnothi
ng. iam
wokeupbyt hemachinesoundsandIl ookat
Andiswawhoi sbreathingthroughaventi
lator.I
touchherhand.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Sheissil
entandikissherhand.Ineedtovisi
t
UnathiTomorrowandIhoper eal
lyshesi
gnsthe
di
vorcepapers.Sheisnotonl
yhar mtousbutto
ourdaughteraswell
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
33] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t57

*
AYANDA*

Iopenedmyeyesf i
rstandthebr ightsunwas
penetrati
ngmyeyes.Thechi ckensmaki ngnoi se
wakingmeupandal ltheothercat tl
easwel l
contri
butedt othesoundsthatwokemeup.Nott he
cit
ylifeofcar shooti
ngandal arm cl ocks,sirens.
Nonoft hat .Ifeltmyarm beingabi theavyl i
kei t
washol dingsomet hingandIl ookedatmysi deand
i
t'sSiyamt handa.Sheissoundasl eepi nherclot hes.
Myar m wasunderherbackandshewassl eepi ng
onitlikeit
'sthemostcomf ortablet hingwhenIam
feel
ingshar ppainsaswel l
.Ismi l
ed.Iwoul dn't
mindwaki nguptoherl i
kethi
sever ydaytil
lIdi e.I
haveneverthoughtasfarasmar r
iagewi
thanyone
before.It
ryt
oremovemyar m andshesqui
rms
wakingupveryquickl
yfreei
ngitandsheholdsher
head.
Si
ya:
"Yho"
Igotofft
hebedandthebot
tl
eswentont
hef
loor
crashi
ngbutnotbr
eaki
ng.
Si
ya:
"Ayandayouar
emaki
ngmyheadachewor
se
"
Me:
"sor
ryl
etmesee"
Ihel
dherheadandsher
emovedhersel
f
Si
ya:
"Youar
emaki
ngnoi
se"
Wel
aughed.
Si
ya:
"If
eell
ikeIam dyi
ng"
Me:
"Iwi
llgetsomepi
ll
sforyouandf
ood"
Si
ya:
"thanks."
Herphoner
angandshet
ooki
tandcl
osedhereyes.
Si
ya:
"hel
lo"
Iwasf
ixi
ngupt
her
oom.
Si
ya:"(bl
ushi
ng)Andyouj
usthadt
osayt
hat
Tr
ist
an"
Tri
stanismycompet i
ti
on.ThesameTrist
anwho
wasNt et
helel
o'scompeti
ti
on.What'
supwitht
his
guy?If eltmyangerri
seandIjustwal
kedout
bangingthedoor.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ayandajustwalkedoutbangi
ngthedoorandIdont
knowwhy.Ir eall
ywouldwanttogobackhomeand
spendti
mewi thTrist
an.Ir
eal
lyl
iket
heguyandhe
hasbeennothingbutsweet.
Tr
ist
an:
"what
'swi
tht
henoi
se?"
Me:
"myBest
fri
endonmoodswi
ngs"
Tr
ist
an:
"per
iods?Iknowhowl
adi
esget
"
Me:
"noi
t'
snotagi
rl"
Tr
ist
an:
"excuseme"
Me:
"what?"
Trist
an: "Idon'
tthi
nkIl
iket
hef
actt
hatar
eyouar
e
thatclosetoaguy"
Me:
"meani
ng?"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ij
ustdon'
tfeel
comf
ort
abl
e"
Me:"yousoundcutewhenjeal
ous.Don'
twor
ry
aboutanyt
hingIam wi
thyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"sowedat
ingnow?"
,
Icover
edmyf
acegi
ggl
ingandt
heheadachecame
back.
Tr
ist
an:"Si
yamt
handaNt
ulicanyoubemy
gi
rl
fr
iend."
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Idon'
twanthi
m swi
tchi
nguponme.
Tr
ist
an:
"Ipr
omi
set
onothur
tyou."
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.GodIl
iket
hisguysomuch.So
whynot
.
Me:
"ok"
Tr
ist
an:
"Idi
dn'
tqui
etgett
hat"
Me:
"(gi
ggl
ing)OkIwi
llbeyourgi
rl
fr
iend."
Tr
ist
an: "Youjustmademyday.Il oveyou
Si
yamt handa.Iknowit'
ssoonbutIjustwantst
ate
myintenti
onsoutt her
e"
Me:
"Iappr
eci
atei
treal
ly"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ihavet
ogo.Mydaught
erwant
spancakes.
"
Me:"canwenotr
ushmemeet
ingyourdaught
er.I
j
ustwantt
oseeuswher
ewego"
Tr
ist
an:
"wi
se.Ok.Il
oveyou"
HehungupandIwasscreamingandsmi
li
ngthe
whol
eti
me.Ayandacamebacki nsi
dewi
thaplat
e
off
oodandi
twasbreakf
ast.
Ayanda:
"comeeat"
Me:
"wher
eisyourpl
ate?"
Ayanda:
"wewi
llshar
e"
Me:
"can'
tsaynot
ofood."
Isai
dgr
abbi
ngt
hesl
icedbr
ead
Ayanda:
"youseem happy"
Me:
"yourchomii
sinl
ove"
Hesmi
led.
Ayanda: "Iam happyf oryou.Leaver oom f
or
disappointmentsaswel l.Don'tbetoobli
ndedby
l
ove.Ifyouseer edf l
agsdon' tignor
ethem i
nthe
nameofl ove.Ibel
ieveloveisbeaut i
ful
.Mostofal
l
enjoyitaswel l
."
Me:"uhm thanksr
eal
ly.Ihaveneverhadsomeone
t
ellmethat"
Ayanda:
"Iam yournewbest
fri
endandasaguyI
havewit
nessedal
otofthet
hingsgi
rl
sdoi
nlove
andenduphurt"
It
ookt
heegg.
Me:
"haveyouhur
tanygi
rl?"
Ayanda:
"manyt
imes.Mai
nlybecauseIwasn'
t
wherethei
rhear
tisbutnowIgott
het
ast
eofwhati
t
f
eelsli
ke"
Me:
"doesi
thur
t?"
It
ouchedwher
ehi
shear
tisandhechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:"i
tdoesbutifyoul
ovesomeoneyouwant
t
oseet hem happyr
ight?"
Me:
"ri
ght"
Ayanda:
"eveni
fithur
tsyou"
Thatwasdeep.Forhim even,
ther
ewasaknockon
thedoorandi
topened.
Hi
smom :
"Iam sor
ryf
or.
..
..
"
Me:"i
t'sokmah.Wewer
en'
tdoi
nganyt
hing.Wear
e
j
ustfr
iends"
Whydi
dIneedt
oexpl
aint
hat.
Mah:"ok.Uhm Ntet
helel
oisinneedofcl
othes.Can
yougotothehospit
alandgivei
ttohim."
Me:
"Iwantt
oseeAndi
swa"
Ayanda:
"fi
nishupeat
ingt
hengobat
h"
Inoddedandhewal kedoutwit
hhismom smi l
ing.
Thatwoman' ssmil
eisbeaut
if
ulbutcreepsmeat
ti
mes..Ifini
shedeati
ng.Ihopemyr el
ati
onshi
p
withTri
stanworks.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Itwashar dlastni ghttosleepi nthiscel l

.Iwas
chokedwhi letryingtosl eepont hesesmel lygrey
blanketsanduncomf ort
ablebedunt ilAxecamet o
myr escue.Shei shar dcor eandt ell
st hetrut
hl i
ke
i
tis.Ther epor tofmyment ali
ll
nesswassenti n
andt herewillbeat ri
alnextweekf ormybai l
hearingorIwi llbesentt oament alinstitut
e.Itried
call
ingLondiebuti trangunaswer ed.If eelal
one
andhavenooneatmycor ner.Whati fIgetkill
edi n
here.Mypr i
ncess.Ever ythingiscomi ngyomeand
howIam anunf i
tmom t oher .Ntethelelohas
shownmenot hingbutl oveandsuppor tevenaf t
erI
foundouthewascheat i
ngbuthenevergavemea
reasontodoubthisloveunti
lthei
ncident
.Ir
uined
everyt
hing.Ihopehewi l
lforgi
veme.Thecel l
opensandAxewal ksbacki nandshecomesmy
wayandsi tsnextt
omeasIam cur ledupina
corner
.
Axe:
"What
'swr
ong?"
Me:"whati
fIdi
eher
e.WhatifIdon'
tgot
oament
al
i
nst
itut
iont
ogetmor
ecrazywhatif?"
Axe: "whatifIam her e?Iwil
lbeyourgui deli
ne.
It'
snotmyf irsttimebeinginjai
l.IKnowewi l
lbe
outbutprincessyouneedt ostopthisment al
it
ythat
thewor l
drevol vesaroundyoucausei tdoesn't
.
Afterwhatyout oldmeyouwer ereall
ydramat i
cand
alsolookwher ei tgotyou.Youneedt opullyoursel
f.
Youhadnotr ighttostabsheotherwomanshe
didn'
tcourther self"
Me:
"youwon'
tunder
standl
i
keLondi
e"
Axe:"wher
eisthatLondi
e?Shouldn'
tshebeher
e
wit
hyou?Iam therealonebabygir
landthet
rut
h
i
sahar dpi
llt
oswallow"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Me:
"whyar
eyoumean?"
Axe:"iam t
ell
ingyout
het
rut
h.Iwon'
tcomf
ortyou
wit
hlies"
Me:
"soIam abadper
sonhuh?"
Axe:"weallhad.I
t'
sjustyouwhomakesachoice
tochangeyourways.Ithinkj
ailt
imewi
lldoyou
goodwithmebyyoursi de"
Me:"Reall
y?Don'
tthatr
equir
eaf avourof
prot
ecti
onli
kemebeingyourgir
lf
riendor
somethi
ng."
Shet
ookof
fmyr
ingandputi
tinherpocket
.
Axe:"Ithi
nkyouneedt
oexpl
oremoreopt
ionsand
fl
avoursinor
dert
oknowyourtast
e"
Shebroughtherfacecl
oserandheldmyf aceand
thenki
ssedme.Icl osedmyeyes.Theyar esosoft
andtender
.Likeyoucouldjusteatoft
hem.My
bodywasf eel
ingsometypeofway.Ibrokeit
.
Me:
"st
op"
Sher
anherl
ongf
ingeronmywetl
ips.
Axe:
"Igotyou"
It
'sli
kewewer ei
nawor
ldwit
hnoone.Whati
s
goingtohappenher
e?Whati
sheri
ntent
ionr
eal
ly.?
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Mybr other
swi t
hAndi swa'scousincameinwith
foodandcl othesformet ochange.Ididn'
twantto
l
eaveAndi swa' ssideforamomentbuti nthe
afternoonIwi llgoandseeUnat hi,
heract
ionscome
from somewher eandIam wonder ingwhere.She
hasn' twokenupbutt heDrr eassuredmethatshe
wi l
lwakeup.Iwentt ofreshenupandcameout
andSi yamthandawasl ookingather.
Si
ya:
"Yourbabyi
samessNdi
swawakeup"
IcanseeAyandasteal
ingglancesatSiyamt
handa
butwouldcl
earhi
sthroatandlookaway.Herhand
movedandwemovedcl oserl
ookingather
att
ent
ivel
y
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Myheadwaspoundi ngandthisheadachewouldgo
si
nceyester
day.Ididn'
tevengetsomegoodsl eep
aswell
.She! overherhandandopenedhereyes
sl
owlybutthelightwasbli
ndingher.
Si
yamt
handa:
"wakeupsoKhul
uwon'
thi
tme"
Wel aughedabi tandAndi
swaf i
nal
lyopenedher
eyes.Shel ookedaroundandwehelpedherwith
waterwhiletheywenttocallt
heDr.
Me:
"Iam gl
adyouar
eok"
Si
yamt
handa:
"(cr
ying)Imi
ssedyou."
Shesai
dhuggi
ngherbutshewoul
dfl
inch.TheDr
came.
Dr:
"iexpect
edi
ttobet
omor
rowat
least
."
Hecheckeduponherandsai
dhewi
llbebackl
ater
t
odosoagain.
Me:
"Iam sogl
adyouar
eawake"
Andi
swa:
"(sof
tl
y)Pl
easegetout
.Al
lofyou"
Si
ya:
"but.
..
."
Andi
swa:
"cal
ldad.Iwannagohome"
Mbongeni:
"youhaven'
trecover
ed"
Andi
swa:"Idon'
twantanyt
hingt
odowit
hyour
fami
lyatt
hemoment .Pl
easebri
ngmychil
d"
Me:
"Andi
swa.
..
..
"
Andi
swa:"myli
fehasbeennothi
ngbutpai
nful
si
nceyoucame.Pl
easejustgobefor
eIdi
ethist
ime
"
Shesaidwi
thtear
srol
li
ngdownherface.Myhear
t
cl
enchedasshesaidhewant
snothi
ngt odowi
th
me.
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Isai
dsof
tl
ybutshekeptonweepi
ng
Ayanda:
"let
'sgi
vehersomeTi
me"
Andi
swa:
"IwantmybabyNt
ethel
elonot
hingel
se"
Thesadnessi
nhereyesbr
okeme.Ibr
okeher
.
Me:
"Iam sor
ryAndi
swabuthei
smysont
oo!"
Andi
swa:
"Idon'
twanthi
m dyi
ngaswel
l
.Iwantmy
son!"
Me:
"wewi
llsee"
Siya:
"uhm It
hinkyoushoul
dleavebef
ore
upset
ti
ngherheali
ngprogr
ess"
Me:
"Iwi
llbeback"
Iwal
kedout
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
34] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t58

IhavetoldSi
yamt handatocal
ldadandinfor
m him
aboutwhatisgoingonandhewasf ur
ious.Mydad
neverbeentothatexti
nctofemoti
onsbutIguess
everyonehasabreakingpoint
.Anenoughpoi nti
n
l
ife.Iam havi ngal otofpainatmyabdomenar ea
butt heDrgavemepai nreli
efsjustsot hatIcanbe
abi tbetterfrom all thepain.Iwi pedmyt earsand
thinkhowmyl if
etur nedfrom love&bl isst otragic
moment s.Idon' tthinkIwi l
lrecoverf rom t hi
s.No
mat terhowmuchIt r
ybutIwi llal
wayshavea
remi ndernow.ThatIam ahomewr eckerwhenI
didn'tintendt obeone.ThatIgavebi rthtoanHei r
foramar riedman.Myemot i
onsar ealloverandI
don' tknowwhatIcandowi ththem butj ustcry.I
holdmychestasasobescapesmyl ips.Iwi sh
mom wasst illali
ve.Ineedherl oveandar msat
thismoment .Hewal kedinandIcoul dn'tlookat
him.Iam hur tandhi swifecamef ormel ikeIthrew
mysel fatNt et hel
elo.I fhedidn'tli
et omeIwoul dn't
bel ayingher e.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Hesai
dcl
enchi
ngonZi
khal
i.Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"forever
ythi
ng"
Me:
"canIhavemybaby?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swaj
ustpl
easedon'
t
shutmeout"
Hel
ookeddownandIl
ookedathi
m.
Ntethel
elo:
"it
'smyfault
.It
'sal
lmyfaul
tyouare
here.It
'sal
lmyfaul
tthatUnat
hii
sinjai
l.I
t'
sal
lmy
fault"
Ikeptqui
et.
Me:
"canyoubr
ingZi
khal
i?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swa"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"met
oo"
Iwon'
tcomf or
thim assayheshoul dn'
tbl
ame
hi
mself.I
tishisfaul
t.Itr
eal
lyis.Hehandedbaby
NJtomeandhewassoundasl eep.Ir
anmy
fi
ngersonhischeekandsmi led.Myhearti
nst
ant
ly
becamewar m andfi
lledwit
hlove.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Hemi
ssedyou"
Ibitmybot
tom l
ipt
ryi
ngt
opr
eventmysel
ffr
om
cryi
ng.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shhhdon'
tcr
y"
Me:
"het
oldme"
Hewassi
lentandIl
ookedathi
m.
Me:"(breaki
ng)ThatIwon'
thaveki
dsanymor
e.I
am bar
rennowNtethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
enotbar
ren"
Me:"Ican'
thavemor
eki
ds.Ican'
tgi
veyoumor
e
yousi
nf ut
ure"
Hesmi
rked.
Me:
"Iam ser
ious"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Heki
ssedmyf orehead.Whoam If
ool
ing.Il
ovet
his
manbutIam sti
llhurt
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Somewomenleftthepri
soncellt
hatwewerei
n
ei
thert
obet
ransferedt
oPrisonbecauset
hei
rbai
l
tri
aldidn'
tgoaswel lortheywer er eleased.SoIwas
i
nt hecellalonewi thAxeaswel l.Shewas
sharpeningherkni feandIwoul dl ookather .How
canal adyhavesuchguyqual it
iesi nhim.I
wonder ed.Hedoesl ookli
keoneaswel landhe
reall
ydoest ellyouwhatyoudon' tneedt ohear.I
am mi ssi
nghome.Imi ssmydaught eraswell.I
wonderi fAndi swaisstil
lal
iveornot .Itouchmy
cheekandt henr ememberthesl ap.Nt ethel
elohas
neverslappedmeandhedi dthatdayf orher.
Axe:
"youok?"
Inodded.
Axe:
"youneedt
ost
artpr
ayi
ng"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"meandchur
chdon'
twor
k"
Axe:
"youar
etr
adi
ti
onal"
Me:"ewwunoIdon'
tandcan'
tst
andThose
ani
malsbei
ngki
ll
ed"
Axe:"youneedtofi
ndaf
orm ofsuppor
ti
ngsyst
em
ei
therthanpeopl
e"
Me:
"you?"
Axe:
"Ibel
ieveinGod.That'
swhyipr
ayever
yti
me
wedi
dahei stwit
hthegang.
Me:
"whyar
eyouher
efor?"
Axe:
"that
'snonOfyourbusi
ness"
Sheisscary.Ikeotqui
et.Sheputherkni
feaway
andsatnexttomeasIwasl ooki
ngup
Axe:
"Iwi
llt
eachyouanyt
hingat
woaboutl
if
e."
Me:
"Iknowl
if
e"
Axe:
"thi
sisi
thumbl
ingyou"
Il
ookedather
.Herpl
ait
edhai
rwasniceshame.
Damnwhydoesshelookli
keahotguy.Sheper
ked
myli
ps.
Me:
"Iam mar
ri
ed"
Axe:
"youl
ikei
t"
Shekissedmyl i
psandicl
osedmyeyesand
responded.Sheisaver
ygoodki
sser
.
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Khul
uzawasshouti
ngt
hrought
hephonel
ikeIwas
t
heonewhostabbedAndi
swa.
Khul
uza:"Iam onmywayther
e.Iam goi
ngt
o
showthatboy'
sfami
lywhomeAgnesismadeof
f"
Me:
"shei
srecover
ing"
Khul
uza:"r
ecoveri
ngyokunuka,
Iwi
lldr
agherout
oft
hathospi
talyouwi
llseeme."
Shehungup.Bot hoft hem.Thewholef ami l
yis
angry.Isigh.Mal umeThulanii
sevenf l
yi ngf rom
Mozambi quet oSAandIknowshi twillhitt hef an.
Thaymandoesn' tbdaymuch.Nowor dsbutact i
on
andit'
swor sethathewasi nthepoli
cebef oresohe
knowshowt ohandl eagun.Funnyenough
Andiswa'sfathershouldbeli
kethatbecausehei s
older
.Iwal kedinsidethehouseandtheaunt sar e
verynice.Iwishmyi nlawsi
nfuturei
sl iket hisor
mot herinl
awiscloseasni cetot
hisone.Ihope
Tristan'
smotherl
ikesmewhenshemeet sme.I
reall
yhopeso.Isenthi m amessagebutheseems
offli
ne.Theguysenteredwi t
htheplat
es.Thi
s
fami l
yisbi
gaswel landthat'swhatmakesitni
ce.
Ayanda:
"haveyoueat
en?
"
Inodded.
Aunt
y:"ni
ngaf
anel
ana.(Youwoul
dsui
teach
ot
her)
"
Theguysl
aughed
Me:
"wear
ejustf
ri
ends"
Ayanda:
"yeahIdon'
tseeSi
yamt
handal
iket
hat
even.Notever"
Whatdoeshemeanbysayi
nghedoesn'
tseeme
l
iket
hatever
.?
Me:
"whatdoyoumean?"
Ayanda:
"i.
."
Me:
"yeahIgeti
t.Iam dar
k"
Ipushedhi
m andwal
kedoutwi
thhi
m cal
li
ngme.I
hadt
ear
sinmyeyes.
Ayanda:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
"whatAyanda?
"
Ayanda:
"justst
opf
orasecond"
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
ohearyoukeeponi
nsul
ti
ngme."
Ayanda:
"woul
dyouj
ustst
op"
Hest
oodI
nfr
ontofmebr
eat
hingheavi
ly.
Ayanda:
"Iwasn'
tinsul
ti
ngyou.Iam yourf
ri
endwe
wouldnevergobeyondthat."
Me:
"Wowmove"
Il
aughedhi
m asi
debuthehel
dmyar
m.
Ayanda:
"whatdoyouwantf
rom meSi
yamt
handa!
"
Me:
"Iwantyout
ogetawayf
rom mydar
kass"
Ayanda:
"justl
ist
ent
ome"
Me:
"Ayandamove"
Ayanda:
"justst
opok!"
Ididbecausei
twasaver
ydeepcommand.His
breat
hingwasli
kehewastaki
ngdeepbr
eat
hs.
Ayanda:"Wecanneverdate.Wecanneverbe
t
ogether
.Wearejustf
riendsSiyamt
handa..
..
..
."
Me:
"wow"
Ayanda: "j
ustletmef i
nish.Youwant edthis
fri
endship.Idi
dn't
.Youf ri
endzonedmei nasecond
butyouknowwhat?It ookitl
ikethemanIam and
sti
llt
akingit.Iam tr
yingtogetridofmyf eel
ingsfor
yououtoft herespectofyourdecisionandTr ist
an
asyourboyf ri
end.Il
oveyoubutIr espectyoueven
thoughithurtsIcan'
tbewi thyou"
Iwassi
lent
.
Me:"It
hinkweshoul
dendwhat
everr
elat
ionwe
had"
Ayanda:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
"respectt
hatAyanda"
Hecl
enchedhi
sjawsandsneeker
dput
ti
nghandsi
n
hi
spocket
.
Ayanda:
"ift
hat
'swhatyouwantt
henIwon'
tst
op
you"
Hewal
kedoff.It
urnedandeveryonewaslooki
ngat
me.Ifakedasmilebuttheyhadsadfaces.
Me:
"Ineedt
orest"
Iwal
kedaway.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Igotint
omycarandst art
editanddr oveoffpl
ayi
ng
somemusi c.Ireall
ydidn'
tdigesteveryt
hingthat
SiyamthandasaidbutIcan'tgoagainstwhatshe
wants.Ijustwishmyhear tdidn'
twanthert hi
s
much. t
hereareplentyoffi
shesinthesea.
"
Ican'
texpl
aint
hewayyoumakemef
eel
Ever
yti
met
hatyout
oldmet
hatyoul
oveme
Andyouknowyoudi
d,t
oomanyt
imes
JustwhenIt
houghtt
hatl
ovecanneverbeapar
tof
me
That'
swhenyoucamealong,
Youshowedme
happi
nesses,
babyyou'
ret
hebest
Ithi
nkyou'
redi
ff
erentf
rom t
her
est,
andiwi
lll
ove
you
Tel
lmei
t'
sreal
Thef
eel
ingt
hatwef
eel
Tel
lmet
hati
t'
sreal
,don'
tletl
ovecongest
Topassusby,
tr
y
I
t'
sal
lwehavet
odo
I
t'
supt
omeandyou,
tomaket
hisspeci
all
ove
Lastf
orevermor
e..
..
..
"
Ij
uststoppedt hecarandmyphonewasr i
ngi
ng.I
t
wasmybr ot hersbutIignoredit
.Fuckwhydoesi t
hurtt
hatsheesai dshedoesn' twantanythi
ngtodo
withme.It hinkitwasbetterwhenshef r
iendzoned
me.Itwasbet t
erbecauseIgottolikeherina
di
stancethatnowseemst obeadeependIam
drowningin.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
34] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t59

*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwasget ti
ngdischar gedtoday.Unat hi
's
appearanceisalsot odaysoNt ethelel
owentt here
andIreallydon'
tmi nd.BabomncaneThul aniis
saidtobeher etofetcht hethr
eeofus.Hei s
fur
iousandr eal
lygavet heKhumal ofamilyahar d
ti
me.Ayandavi si
tedme.It houghtIwoul dcli
ck
mor ewellwit
hZamaniandIdobutAyandahast he
bubblyvidyoulikebutt hesedaysheseemsof f.As
thenursewaspl acingmeonawheel chairKhuluza
andBabomncanecamei
n.
Khul
uza:
"theyal
mostki
ll
edmygr
andbaby"
Sheki
ssesmyever
ywher
e.
Me:
"Iam f
ineKhul
uza.
"
Khuluza:
"youar
enot
.Ohgod.Iam gonnaki
llt
hat
boy."
Ishookmyheadsmi
li
ng.
Thul
ani:
"whyar
eyousmi
li
ngt
hisi
saser
ious
matt
erAndi
swa"
Ikeptqui
etandkeyast
rai
ghtf
ace.
Khul
uza:
"leaveheral
one.Theaudaci
tyf
ort
hat
mantowantyourbaby"
Me:
"theywhat?"
Theywantt
otakemychi
ld.
Khul
uza:"wedi
dn'tal
lowt
hatt
hough.Hei
sint
he
carwi
thSiyamt
handa"
Me:
"thankyou"
Wewai
tedf
ort
heDrandhecameandt
oldme
i
nstructi
onsbef
orewesignedthepapersand
walkedoff.Wegottot
hecarandBabomncane
Thulanipi
ckedmeupandputmei nsideand
Si
yamt handawaspl
ayi
ngwi t
hbabyNJ.
Me:
"heybaby"
Shehandedhi
m over
.Ist
il
lcan'
tbel
ieveIam a
mom.
Si
yamt
handa:
"soador
abl
e"
Khul
uza:
"wedon'
twantanychi
ld"
Wel
aughedandnoddedwhi
lepl
ayi
ngwi
thbabyNJ.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Si
yamthandasaidsheiscomi
ngbackt odayand
woul
dliketoseeme.Iam abitexci
tedaboutthat.
That
'swhyIwillt
akeAmberhomeandhaveal i
ttl
e
l
unchwi t
hmygi r
lf
ri
end.
Me:
"youar
edonepacki
ng?"
Amber:
"yesdaddy."
Me:
",okcome"
Itookherbagasshewor ehershoesandwe
walkedout .Ilockedthedoorandwentt othecar
andIbuckl edherup.Shel ooksj
ustli
kehermot her.
Isighedandcl osedthedoorandIwentt omysi de
andIdr oveoffHome.Ihaven'tseendadf orawhile.
Thatmani smar r
iedtobework,r
eall
yandi s
dedicat
edt oit
.WegothomeandIpar kedthecar
andunbuckl edAmberandt ookherintomyar ms
andIwal kedinside.
Amber:
"Koko!
"
Mom appear
ed
Mom :
"mybabycomeher
e"
ShetakesAmberandpaint
sherf
acewi
thki
sses
whil
emydaughtergi
ggles.
Mom :
"Thapel
o",
Me:
"Mom "
Mom :
"Amberneedsamot
herf
igur
e"
Her
eshest
art
sagai
n.
Me:
"Ihaveagi
rl
fr
iend"
Mom :
"thosel
oosegi
rl
s.Mat
sidi
soi
sper
fect"
Me:
"letmel
eavebef
orewear
gue."
,
Iki
ssedAmber'
scheekandIwal
kedout
.Ibumped
i
ntoMatsi
diso.
Mat
sidi
so:
"hi,
"
Ij
ustnoddedandshewalkedoff.I
fmom could
adopthershewoul
d.Shel ooksni
cethough.Iwas
di
st ur
bedbymyphoner
inginganditwas
Siyamthanda.
Me:
"Coco"
,
Si
yamt
handa:
"Iam homenow."
Me:
",Iam onmyway."
Si
yamt
handa:
"ok"
Ihungupandgoti
ntomycarandIdr
oveof
f.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Melusi:
"Idon'
teverwantt
oseet
hatboynextt
o
you"
Andi
swa:"butdadhei
sZi
khal
i'
sfat
hereIcan'
t
depr
ivehi
mt hat"
Mel
usi:
",i
t'
sfi
nalAndi
swa""
Andi
swal
ookedatt
hem andst
oodupandwentt
o
herr
oom.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
,
Khul
uza:
"uyaphi
kewena?(Wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
)"
Me:
"backt
oschool"
Khul
uza:
"ohok.Behaveyour
sel
f",
Thul
ani:
"mmmh"
,
Hesaidl
ooki
ngatme.Iswal
lowedandIt
ookmy
bagsandhuggedt
hem.
Me:
"bye"
Iwal
kedout.Yhothatwasi
ntense.Tr
ist
ancal
led
me.AndIanswered.
Tr
ist
an:
"wher
eyouar
e?"
Idi
rect
edhimtomyhomeandsoonhewasher
e.I
wenttohi
scarandgoti
n.
Tr
ist
an:
"youl
ivet
her
e?"
Me:
"no.Ij
ustcamet
ovi
sitmycousi
n"
Henoddedandki
ssedmyl i
psandIresponded
bef
orewebrokei
tanIshyedaway.
Tr
ist
an:
"howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam goodandyou?"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam happyyouar
eher
e"
Ishyedaway.
Me:
"wel
lyouwer
emi
ssed"
Heki
ssedmycheekandstar
tedthecaranddr
ove
of
f.Ireal
lyhopeal
lwor
ksbetweenus.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Iwal kedoutofmyl astclassoncampus.These

pastf ewdayshavebeenof f.Thingsathomear e
souri fIshouldsay.Sandi leissti
llathisl
atenight
thingst hatIdon'
tknow.Iuber edher emainly
becauseIwast i
redtodr i
ve.Iwentt othecafet
eri
a
andIboughtsomet hingtoeatandmyphone
vibrated.Ilookedati tandputi ti
nmybag.Real l
yI
am t i
redofl ooki
ngl i
keanui sanceinallofthi
sso
l
etmekeepmysi lence.
"Youar
eignor
ingme"
Ikeptqui
etandhesatopposi
teme.
Sandi
le:
"baby"
Me:
"whatar
eyoudoi
ngoncampus?
"
Sandi
le:
"Icoul
dn'
twor
ktodaybecauseofhow
thi
ngsar
ebetweenus"
,
Me:
"canwel
eave?"
It
ookmybagandhestoodupandhel
dmyhand.
Wewalkedoutt
ohi
scar.Heopenedt
hedoorf
or
meandIgotinandt hankedhim .Hegoti
nhisside
andt
henhedr oveoff.Therewassil
enceinthecar
andwereachedthebeachandwegotoutoft hecar
.
Hepul
ledmet ohim andIlandedonhischest.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"whyar
ewedoi
ngt
his?"
Sandi
le:
"doi
ngwhat?"
Me:"wegotmar
ri
edt
oof
ast
.It
'sheat
ingusup
now"
Heki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Sandi
le:"Iam sor
rybaby.Iam sor
ryf
or
ever
ythi
ng"
Me:"youkeept
ell
ingmethatbutyoudon'
tdoi
t,
youdon'
ttel
lmethetr
uth"
Sandi
le:
"It
'sf
oryourowngoodt
hatyoudon'
tknow
"
Me:
"j
ustoncepl
easebehonestwi
thme'
Helookedatme.Iam t
ir
edofar
gui
ngforthesame
t
hingeveryt
ime.HehuggedmeandIcr
ied.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry"
WorseIam dependentonhi
m.Ilovehi
m anddon't
wannaleavehi
m butsometi
mesIfeell
ikewalki
ng
awayandgoinghomebutwhere.Mypar ent
sdon't
wantme.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry"
.
n
.
*
UNATHI*

Iwascr yi
ngmyeyesout .Iwon'tbet
akent oa
mentalinsti
tut
ionandIwon' tgetanybail.Thi
sisa
mess.Imi ssmyf ri
endsandmydaught erandmom
aswell.Iwasgl adt oseeNtethel
elot
here.Doeshe
st
il
lloveme?Of causehestil
ldoes.
"
Bar
biegal"
That
'smynewname.NoAxe.Shewast r
ansfered
toPrisonyest
erdayandIam leftal
lal
one.Iki
nda
missherandhopewegett oget
hercauseIknowI
won'tsurvi
vepri
sonalone.Istoodupandwi ped
myt earsandheoffi
cercuf f
edmeandwewal ked
out.Iwasbei ngtr
ansferredtodayaswell.Wegot
i
nt heroom andNtethel
elowast her
ewi t
hhis
brotherZamani.Iwantedt ohughim butIam
forbi
ddentodoso.
Zamani:
"si
tdown"
Ididandtear
sst
reameddownmyeyes.Hetookout
papersandapenoutofhi
sbr
iefcaseandhanded
them t
ome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"si
gn"
It
ookthepaper
sandIl
ookedatt
hem andi
t'
sa
di
vor
cepapers.
Me:
"canIasksomet
hing?"
Henodded.
Me:
"howdi
dwegett
othi
spoi
nt?"
Zamani:
"Iwi
llbeout
side"
Hewal
kedoutandNt
ethel
elosatopposi
teme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imayhavelostmymemor yUnathibutI
am r
egai
ningitbi
tbybi
t.Ilovedyouandst
il
ldo.I
gaveyout hewor l
danddi dever ythingf oryou.I
neverl aidmyhandonyoubef oreexceptf orthat
daybecauseIr espectedyoubuti twasn' tenough
foryou.Noi t
'snotAndi swa' sfaultwear ebreaking
upbuti t'
syourways.Youwoul dhi tmeandIwoul d
keepqui et
.Hi tmysi st
er'sandwantt oat tackmy
motherandyouwer epr essingmebutal lbecauseI
l
oveyou.Lovei snotenoughanymor e.(sigh)Iam
sorry.Andasf orAndi swaIdi dn'tintendonf alli
ng
forherandIdi d.Shegavemet heopposi t
eofwhat
yougaveme.Senseofbei ngamani nthe
rel
ationshi p.Love, respectandhonest ythet hinhs
youf ailedtogome.Iam notshami ngyouj ust
showi ngyouwher eyouwentwr ong."
Me:
"Iunder
stand"
Itookthedivor
cepaper
sandireadthr
oughthe.I
am tryi
ngtopract
icewhatAxesai
dIshoul
d.Iread
throughitandl
ookathim.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"anyt
hingwr
ong?"
Ishookmyheadandsi
gned.
Me:
"thankyou"
Hesmil
edandwest
oodupandhehuggedmeand
gavemeaperk.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwi
llmakesur
eLet
hoknowsaboutyou
"
Me:
"ki
ssherf
orme"
Henoddedandwal kedout .Ididn'tgethalfofthe
thi
ngsbecausewesi gnedapr enuptial.Ishouldbe
gett
ingnothi
ngactuall
ybutitstatesIkeep
everyt
hinghehaseverboughtf orme.I ncludi
ngt he
house,Ireal
lymessedupagoodmanandpushed
herint
oanotherwoman' sarms.Theof fi
cerwal ked
i
n.
Of
fi
cer:
"comewear
egoi
ngt
oyournewhome"
Shecuf
fedmeandwewal
kedout
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Wegott
oTr
ist
an'
sfal
landnoIwon'
thavesexwi
th
him.Wewereeati
ngt
akeoutandhavi
nga
conver
sat
ionher
eandther
eandwewat cheda
movie.
Tr
ist
an:
"Youar
ebeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"thankyou"
Heki
ssedmycheek.
Tr
ist
an:
"sot
ellmeaboutyourmal
eBest
ie"
Youcanseei
tmakeshi
m uncomf
ort
abl
e.
Me:
"wef
ought
.Wenotf
ri
endsanymor
e.
Tr
ist
an:
"mi
ndi
fIaskwhy."
Hesmi l
eonhi sf
acecan'
tbemissed.Youcan'
ttel
l
yourboyfr
iendyourf
ri
endconf
essedheloveyou
ri
ght?
Me:
"hesai
dhel
ikesmesoIendedt
hings"
Tr
ist
an:
"good.Hewoul
dn'
twantt
omesswi
thme.
"
Me:
"Justhopehei
sok.Ihaven'
tseenhi
m si
nce"
Tr
ist
an:
"hei
sabi
gguy.Hecanhandl
ehi
msel
f."
Il
ookedathi
m andheki
ssedmycheek.
Tr
ist
an:
"Il
oveyou"
Ismi
led.Ij
usthopet
hatAyandai
sokr
eal
ly.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
34] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t60

Ihavejustfini
shedput t
ingbabyNJt orest.Ihave
tol
dthem atwor kthatigavebir
thandEvangeline
whatbelieveitatf
irstbutyesIdidandatschool
wellIam justhopi
ngt opushandgr aduate.My
phonerangandIt riedtogetitf
astwithoutwaking
upNJandIanswer ed.
Me:
"itwashar
dput
ti
ngyoursont
osl
eep,
Howar
e
you"
Hesi
ghed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ineverbel
ievedi
ndi
vor
ce."
Me:
"Iunder
stand"
Isatont
hebed.
Ntet
helel
o:"Ishoul
dn'
tbet
alki
ngaboutmy
t
roubles"
Me:
"weal
lneedt
oof
floadsomet
imes"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
'wel
oveyout
oo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
",Ihavet
ogo.CanIseeyout
omor
row
?"
,
Me:
"myf
ami
lyi
sangr
yatyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llpr
oveIhavenobadI
ntent
ions"
Me:
"Iknow"
Iyawned.
Me:
"Ihavet
orest
.Seeyout
omor
rowdaddy"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"seeyout
omor
row"
Hehungup.Idon' tknowhowaboutwear egoing
todothi
s.Ifeelbadt hatt
heydi
vorcedandIfeel
l
ikei
t'
sallmyfault.WhatareyousayingAndi
swai t
i
syourfaul
t.Iswit
chedof fthel
ight
sandgotinbed
andsl
ept.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Tristant ookmet oresaft

erspendi ngourday
toget her.Ineedtocatchupwi t
hal otofschool
wor k.Ineedsomesnackst ogett hroughthisnight
ofdoi ngmyschoolwor k.Ipostedonmyst at
us
sayingi nneedofsnackwi thcryingEmoj is.Sesethu
myr oommat eisalreadyasl
eepinherexpensi ve
dress.Idon' tjudgebutshehustlesf orher
educat ionhere.Differ
entol
drichmenever y
weekendandgetaways.Expensi vehai randnails.
Allofthat,
sheisawonderf
ulgi
rlj
ustwit
haf ucked
upsituati
onbuthasdreams.Iwasalr
eadyinmy
pyjamas.Trist
ancal
ledmeandIanswer ed.
Me:
"Mrbr
own.Di
dyougetsaf
ehome?"
Tr
ist
an:
"Idi
dgetsaf
e.Ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"Iam "
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam sor
ry"
Heinsul
tedmeinaway.Sayi ngwhydot hese
Khumalomengoaf t
erhisgi
rl
s.Iaskedhi m whatis
i
tandhesaidit
'snonofmybusi ness.Whati fI
havealr
eadyf
uckedAyanda.Wedi dn'
ttalkforan
hourandheapologi
zedsayi
nghei sajerk.Iforgave
hi
m.
Me:"i
t'
sok.I
tseemsl
ikeyouknowt
hem t
hough
wi
thyourgi
rl
s."
Tr
ist
an:
"Idon'
twantust
ofi
ght
."
Inodded.
Me:
"goodni
ght
.Ineedt
odosomeschoolwor
k"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwi
llseeyou"
InoddedandIhungupandsi ghed.Ir eall
yl i
ke
Tristan,hedoesn' thavet obei nsecur eandj eal
ous.
Ishoul dbet heonedoi ngt hat.Ist i
llcan'tbeli
eveI
am dat i
ngaguyl ikehim.Isquealabi tandt henI
takemybooksandear phonesandIst arttodomy
schoolwor k.Real l
yitwoul dhavebeenni ceevenif
Ihadasmal lpacketofchi ps.Al most30mi nutes
i
nt othewor kandIam l i
steningt oBr ysont i
ll
ernow.
Webot hknowcomesi nandj ustr emi ndsmeof
howwebot hsangi twi t
hAyanda.Ishoul dn'
tbe
thinkingabouthi m.Real l
y.Aknockont hedoor
comesandIpul loutmyearphonesandSeset hu
groansbef or eturningher self
.Igoandopent he
doorandt hesecur i
tyguyi sstandi ngt herewith
plasticfrom Wool wor ths.
Me:
"Hi"
Secur
it
y:"Iam l
ooki
ngf
orSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"That
'sme"
Secur
it
y:"somemandr
oppedt
hisher
eforyou"
Hegavemet
hepl
ast
icandi
thadgoodi
es.
Me:
"di
dhesaywhohei
s?"
Secur
it
y:"No.Hehasaf
ancycart
hough"
Me:
"uhm okt
hankyout
hen"
Hewal
kedoff
.Maybemybabyboughtat hankyou
f
orme.Ijumpedonmybedi nexci
tementandtook
myphoneandcal
ledoutTr
ist
an.
Tr
ist
an:
"BabyIhavewor
ktomor
row"
Me:"Iwantt
osayt
hankyouf
ort
hegoodi
es.Il
ove
you"
Tr
ist
an:
"whatgoodi
es?"
Me:
"Uhm youdi
dn'
tjustcomeher
e?"
Tri
stan:
"thel
astt
imeIcamet
odr
opyouwaswhen
Iwasdroppi
ngyou"
Me:
"ohok"
Tr
ist
an:
"ar
eyoucheat
ingonme?
"
Me:"No!I
tcouldbemyuncle.Hedi dment
ionhe
wi
lldr
opsomethingbef
oreheleaves."
Tr
ist
an:
"bet
terbeSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"yeahgoodni
ght"
HehungupandIl
ookedatmyphoneandl
ooked
i
nsi
de.Whocoul
dhaveboughtt
hese?
Iwentt
omystatusandIcheckedpeopl
ewho
vi
eweditandt
hefir
stonecaughtmyeye.
Me:
"Ayanda"
Isenthi
m amessage.
"Thankyouf
ort
het
reat
s.Iappr
eci
atei
t."
Hewasonl
ine.Het
yped.
Ayanda:
"It
'sf
ine"
Thatwasabi
tcol
dbutIdeser
vei
t.
Me:"Iam sor
ryaboutt
hewayIt
alkedt
hel
astt
ime
wesaweachot her"
Hevi
ewedmymessageandwentof fl
ine.Ideser
ve
t
hatIguess.Iputmyphonedownandsighed.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
Iwasi nbed.Thehousef eelsempt y.I magesar e
playinginmyheadabi tcleart
hanbef or e.Ireall
y
stoodbyUnat hiandt oleratedher.Ishoul dhave
savedherf rom alloft hatbutnowIcan' t.Iam at
thatpointofbei ngti
red.Iwi shIcanr ememberhow
meandAndi swamet .Iam sureitismemor ableas
shehaddescr ibedit.Mom i si
ntheot herroom here
forLetho.Ij usthopewhenImar ryAndi swacauseI
wantt odot hat.Thatshel ovesmydaught erjustas
muchasZi khali.Thatshedoesn' treflecther
mot her'
sdoingsonherbutIdoubt .Isi ghandI
switchoffthesi delampbesi demeandIsl eep.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Iwasatthelabrot
oryattheoffi
cewewer eworking
onimprovi
nganAndr oidhi
pforoldpeople.Idon't
knowwhyt heyneeditbutDrsknowwhyt heyneed
i
t.Iwaswor kingjustt
ogetmymi ndofft
hings.By
thi
ngsImeanSi yamthandabutitprovest
obe
diffi
cul t.Iwi llkeepmydi stanceandIdon' tmi nd.I
stoppedt ot akeabr eakandIbr owsedt hrough
What sappandsawherst atus.It ookmycarkeys
andIwal kedout .Idr ovet oWool worthsandbought
things.Ist oppedf oramomentandseemedl ikenoI
shoul dn' t.Shehasaboyf ri
endf orit.Iput
ever ythingbackbutt heinmesai dtakei tAyanda.
Ther ei snot hingwr ongi njustbuyi ngt r
eat s.You
willst i
llkeepyourdi stance, Iboughtt hem andwent
toherr esi dent i
alandIaskedt hesecur it
yguyt o
deliveri tt oherwel lIpaidhimf orhislit
tlet i
me.He
wentandIwentbackt owor k.Shet extedmeandI
wassot empt edtosayi t'
sbecauseIl oveyoubutI
settlewi th" i
t'
sf i
ne"shesenti nanot herone
apol ogizi ngandIr eallyforgiveher .Ijustwon' tst
ep
i
nhert err i
toryagai n.Ishoul dforgetaboutt hissil
ly
feelingandgetmysel fanot hergi r
lwhoi sreadyt o
settle.WowInevert houghtIwoul dwantt oset tl
e
sosoonbutt hisplayingar oundi st i
ri
ngandIneed
minime' sl i
keNt ethelelothatwi llsoonr unar ound.
AnHei rt ot akeoveroneDayorapr i
ncess.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
34] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t61

Itooksomet imet ogetbabyNJdr essed.Hewas

screami nghisl ungsoutandmemovi ngar ound
i
sn'tthatmucheasy.Khul uzagavemeanear f
ul
aboutgoi ngt oseeNt ethelelothatthebabyi sstil
l
smal landihavet ostillrecoverbutIwantt osee
Ntethel eloandhowhei shol dingupabout
everythi ng.Iknowhel iedt omef rom thebegi ni
ng
butImi ghtknowhowUnat hiisfeeli
ngatt he
moment .Notexact lybutImi ghthaveani dea.I
wrappedhi mi nabl anketashecr iedandt ooka
pacifierandputi tinhi smout handhest opped
suckingoni t
.Not hi
ngwascomi ngoutr eall
ybuthe
doesn' tknowt hat.Ifeel li
kemeanddaddon' thave
thatsamer el
ationshipagai n.Idon'tknow.MaybeI
am imagi ni
ngt hings.Khul uzawal kedint heroom
andl
ookedatZi
khal
iwhowassucki
ngf
ordearl
if
e.
Khul
uza:
"Idon'
tknowwhatt
hatboyhasoveryou"
Isatup.
Me:
"Il
ovehi
m"
Khul
uza:
"st
il
laf
terhi
swi
fest
abbedyou"
Ikeptqui
et.Shesatnextt
ome.
Khul
uza:
"Andi
swayouar
etooyoungf
oral
loft
his.
"
Me:
"Iknowbuti
tiswhati
tis"
Khul
uza:
"doyouknowt
hepai
nofseei
ngyourchi
ld
cr
y?"
Me:
"yeah"
Ij
otbackt
othedayt
heyr
azor
edmybaby'
shand.
Khuluza:"it'
snotwellwi
thmet oseeyourf ather
thi
shopel ess.Healmostlostyouanditbreaksmy
hearttoseehi mli
kethat
.Itbreakmyheartt osee
youlikethat"
Shesai
dwi
tht
ear
s.Honest
lyIdi
dn'
tthi
nkhow
ever
ythi
ngwasaf
fect
ingt
hem.Ihuggedher
.
Me:
"Iam sor
ryKhul
uza"
Shehuggedme.
Khul
uza:"promisemeyouwillt
akecareofyour
self
.
Andifyougetharmedi
nthatboy'sar
msIwi l
lki
ll
hi
m andZikhal
iwill
bef
ather
less"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Khul
uza:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo."
Myphoner
angandi
twasNt
ethel
elo.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Khul
uza:
"thi
ngsar
enotdonel
iket
his"
Shesi
ghed
Khul
uza:
"buthedi
dpayf
ort
hedamages"
Me:
"thankyou"
Iki
ssedhercheek.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo.Bye"
It
ookthebabybagandIleftherwi
thNJabitand
Ntet
helel
ogotoutofhi
scarandmetmehalfway.
Heperksmylips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Heymommy.Howar
eyou?"
Ismi
led.
Me:"Iam good.Justt
hepai
nonmyabdomen
whenIstandorwalktoomuch"
Iputt
hebagatthebackandt
hereweret
wobaby
seat
s.Ismil
edathi
m andhecl
osedthedoorand
l
ockedthecar.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Justhopeyourgr
andmot
herdoesn'
t
ki
llme"
Me:"shewi
llgi
veyouast
inkeyeorsl
apyou
maybe"
Heheldhi
scheeksandIlaughed.Hefr
owned
bef
orechuckl
ingandbri
ngi
ngouthisdi
mplesto
pl
ay.WegotinsideandKhuluzawassi
tt
ingdown
watchi
ngTV.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Sawubonamah(Hel
lomah)
"
Thewayhehumbl
edhi
msel
fIwant
edt
olaugh.
Khul
uzagavehi
m herf
amouseyebef
orer
epl
ying.
Khul
uza:
"Mmh"
Thatsallshesai
dandIt ookNt ethelel
o'shandand
wewentt omyroom.I tmi ghtnotbemuchbutI
don'
tcar eorf
eelembar rassedf r
om wher eIcome
fr
om justbecauseofwher eNtethelelocomesf r
om.
Weal lcomefrom dif
ferenthomesbutal lwant
bett
erhomesi nfutur
e.It ookmybagandhewent
tohoveroverhissonandpi ckedhi m up.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ssedyouMbul
aziomncane"
Me:
"Mymnt
ungwa'
s"
Hechuckl
ed
Ntet
helel
o:"Icoul
dnevert
hankyoumor
ethan
enough"
Iki
ssedhi
scheek.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
"Kant
iani
hambiyi
ni?
(Ar
en'
tyoul
eavi
ng?)
"
Wel
aughedandwal
kedout
.
Me:
"byeKhul
uza.Iwi
llseeyou"
Khul
uza:
"Mmmmh"
Wewal kedoutandwentt othecar .Ntethel
elo
pl
acedZi khalii
nhiscarseatnicelyandourboywas
l
ookingatusf i
dget
ing.Iperkedhissmal ll
ips
bef
oreIcl osedthedoorandNt ethel
elooutmybag
att
heback.Wegoti nandhedr oveoff.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

IWokeupinthemor ni
ngandmybodyespeci all
y
myneckwassor e.IgroanedinpainandIsaw
Seset
huhummi ngandmaki ngbreakf
astal
lcl
ean.I
fel
lof
fthebedandshej umpedandcamet ohelp
meup.
Me:
"mybodyi
ssor
e"
Seset
hu:
"that
'smeaf
terever
yweekend"
Shesatmeont
hebed.
Seset
hu:
"wheni
syourcl
ass?"
Me:
"ar
ound11"
Shenodded.Shei
sthequi
ett
ypet
hatl
ivesawi
ld
l
if
e.
Seset
hu:
"Imadebr
eakf
ast"
Me:
"di
dyouseet
hesnacks?"
Seset
hu:
"Iwi
llhel
pmysel
faf
terbr
eakf
ast"
Me:
"Ineedt
obat
h"
Seset
hu:"somecol
our
edguywassai
dtobeher
e
bysecur
it
y"
Me:
"It
hinki
t'
smyboyf
ri
end"
Sesethu:"wowyouar
edat
ing.That
'sgood.Ihope
hetreat
syouwell"
Me:
"met
oo.I
t'
sjusthei
ssoi
nsecur
eandj
eal
ous"
Seset
hu:"that'
snotri
ghti
t'
saredflagr
ightt
here.
Hewillwanttocont
rolyoui
nfutur
e.Hedoesn't
tr
ustyou"
Me:
"hedoes"
Seset
hu:",
Imi
ghtnotdat
eanyoft
heguysIsleep
wit
hbutIKnowhowamanwor ksbecauset
hey
act
edthesame."
Me:
"Iwi
llcal
lhi
m andt
henbat
h"
Sesethu:
"justlookoutf
oryoursel
fMt
handa.You
arel
ikeasistertome"
Ihuggedherandshegi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"youar
esocut
e.Il
oveyou"
Seset
hu:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Ihopewhatseset
hui
ssayi
ngi
snott
rue,
thati
t
won'tcomet
rue.
Seset
hu:
"gobath.Wehaveanassi
gnmentsoon
andyoumissedoutshame."
Me:
"what
'sup?"
Sesethu:"sotheITstudentsarecolabingwiththe
medicalstudentsinaprojectworkingwithAndr oi
ds
,wegett oseehowt hatfi
tinmedi calli
vestoo.
Thenal i
ttl
ecompet i
ti
onwi l
lbether eandthewinner
wil
lgettospendt hedayatt hi
scompanybei ng
shownt heropes."
If
eltl
i
kedyingbot
hseset
huandIar
emedi
cal
st
udents.
Me:
"canwedi
e?"
Shel
aughed.
.
.
*
TRI
STAN*

Icouldn'
thelpbutf eellikeSiyamt handaislyingt
o
me.Idon' tli
ket hefactt hatsheisgetti
ngal ong
withoneoft heKhumal omen.Nt ethel
elohasn't
camei naftersomet imeandIguessAndi swagave
birt
h.Iwentt oherr esidentialtocheckonherbut
theywouldn'tletmei n.Rui ningmydayasi ti s.I
gottoworkandIcal ledhernumberandshe
answered.
Si
ya:
"hel
lo"
Me:
"howar
eyou?"
Si
ya:
"Iam goodhowar
eyou?"
Me:
"iwast
her
e"
Si
ya:
"Ihear
d"
Me:
"soyoudi
dn'
tcomeout?"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Ij
usthear
dnowi
sther
esomet
hing
wr
ong"
Ibr
eat
hedout
.
Me:
"Il
oveyouandIdon'
twannal
ooseyou"
Si
ya:
'cal
m downIwon'
tleaveyou.Youwon'
tloose
meifyoutr
eatmegood"
Me:
"thi
ngi
s..
."
,
Si
ya:
"yes"
Me:"Ihaveahistor
ywi
thyourcousi
n.Ij
ustwantt
o
getthatoutoft
heway"
Si
ya:
"WoahyoumeanAndi
swa?"
Hert
onechanged.
Me:"Idon'
twantt
ocauseanyconf
li
ct.Ij
ust
wantedt
obehonestwi
thyou"
Si
ya:
"wow"
,
Me:
"for
giveme"
Si
ya:
"uhm Ineedt
opr
ocesst
his.Iwi
llcal
lyou"
,
ShehungupandIbr
eat
hedoutbef
orecar
ryi
ngon
wit
hmywork."
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Wear r
ivedatmyhouse.SoonIwi l
lbemovi ngout
andl eavingitforUnathi.ItookZikhaliwit
hhiscar
seatandt hecarri
deseemedt osoothhim because
heisasl eep.Andiswat ookthebagsandwewal ked
i
nside.Mom wasf eedi
ngLet ho.Sheturnedand
smiled.Andi swaplacedt ebagsdownandsatnext
tomom.
Andi
swa:
"HiMr
sKhumal
o"
Mom :
"cal
lmeMah"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:
"canIhol
dher?"
,
ShelookedatmeandIsmi l
edandnodded.Mah
giveherLet
hoandsheki ssedherf
orehead.That
warmedmyhear tandIknewri
ghtthenthatIdon'
t
everwanttolooseher
Andiswa:"hiyoucut
ethi
ng.Youseem mor
e
peacefult
hanyourbrot
her"
Mom :
"wai
tti
llatni
ght"
Wel
aughed.
Andi
swa:
"can'
ttopt
hismanoverher
e"
Me:
"leavemysonal
one"
Let
hoyawned.
Mom :
"Iwasaboutt
oputhert
orest"
Andi
swa:"Icandot
hatf
oryouandwecanpl
ace
Zi
khal
iaswell"
Mom :
"Icooked.Foodi
sreadyi
fyouar
ehungr
y"
Andi
swa:
"yesmam"
Wegotupandwentupt
hest
air
s.
Andi
swa:
"hernosei
sni
ceandper
ky"
Me:
"Isweari
t'
sli
keyouar
econsi
der
ingmar
ryi
ng
mydaught
er"
Wegoti nthei
rNur
seryandpl
acedthem nextt
o
eachotherandIki
ssedbotht
hei
rforeheadsand
Andiswadidaswell
.Ihel
dherwaistmakingsureI
don'
thurther.
Me:
"Il
oveyou."
Andi
swa:
"Idot
oo.Youhavegoodgenes"
Me:
"Di
dyoucomeher
etocompl
ementt
hebabi
es?
"
Andiswa:
"asIam st
andi
nghereIam thinki
ngit'
s
j
ustIdon'
twanti
ttomakeitseem l
ikeIam steal
ing
t
hings."
Me:
"whati
sit?
"
Shelookedatmeandpl
acedherheadonmychest
andIwrappedmyarmsaroundher
.
Andiswa:
"if
eell
ikei
tal
lmyf
aul
tthatl
etho'
s
motheri
snother
e."
Me:",
,don'
teverf
eel
li
ket
hat
.Unat
hidi
dthi
sto
her
sel
f"
Andi
swa:
"ok"
Sebr
eat
hedout
.
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"mmmh"
Andi
swa:
"wher
eist
hisgoi
ng?"
Me:
"what?"
Ist
il
lhadmyar
mswr
appedar
oundher
e.
Andi
swa:
"us"
Me:
"Iwannagr
owol
dwi
thyou"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
ichuckl
ed.
Andi
swa:
"youar
eol
dnj
e"
Ispankedherandsheshr
eeked.
Me:
"shh.Youar
egonnawakeupt
heki
ds."
Andi
swa:
"don'
tspankme"
Me:"Iwantt
omar r
yyouAndi
swaIam j
ustwai
ti
ng
f
oryoutobeready"
Shenodded.
Andi swa:"whent hathappens.Iwoul dliketo
mot herLetho,Iwon'ttakehermot her'
sspacebutI
don'twanthergr owingt ofeelthevoidandseei ng
Zikhalihavi
ngamot her.Iwanthert ofeelthelove
andwar mthaswel l
.WhenUnat hicomesbackshe
willknowwhoherdaught erisandsoasLet ho
knowi ngherrealmot her"
Idi
dn'tknowwhattosay.Ididn'
tknowhowi twould
bewhent heti
mecomesbutt hiswomanjustkeeps
onamazi ngandmakesmel ovehermore.Iheldher
cheeksandkissedher
.
Me:
"woul
dyoumar
ryme?"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:
"Iwoul
dmar
ryyouMnt
ungwa"
Me:
"whatdi
dIdeser
vet
ohaveyou"
Andi
swa:
"yourmot
her
'spr
ayer
sIbel
ieve."
Sheplacedherhandonmycheekandshewi
pedan
unknowntearthatescapedmyeyes
Andi
swa:
",don'
tgetemot
ional"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
",
Il
oveyousomuch"
Andi
swa:
"Iknow"
Shewr
appedherar
msar
oundmeandl
ist
enedt
o
myHeartbeat
.
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyouj
ustasmuch"
,
Ireal
lydon'
tknowwhattosay.Whi chwomanhas
somuchl oveandcarel
ikeher.Sheist
rulyamazi
ng
andIfeelathousandt
imesblessedwithher.
.
.

Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
35] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t62

*
AYANDA*
Iwalkedintomyof f
iceaf t
erIhadwentt ochangeat
home.Ist ayedher e'
stheof ficeKeepingmymi nd
busyandi t
sr eal
lyhelping.MyPAwal kedin
rushingwithhertabletandt ryingtopullherdr
ess
down.At t
enti
onf rom me!Idof uckfr
om timeto
ti
mebutf uckingyourempl oyeesl i
keother
companybossesmesst hingsup.Inevermi x
businesswithpleasureever .
Busiswa:"Goodmor ningMrK, todayyourday
l
ooksopenandnoyouhavet womeet ingstoday
withtheDeanfrom Uni ver
sit
yofPr et
oriaandas
wellasthenyouwi l
ldiscusstheopt i
onsbet ween
workingwit
hSteveBi koAcademi cHospi t
al,,Zui
d-
Afri
kaansHospitalorPr et
ori
aUrologyHospi talwit
h
thenewAndr oi
ddevel opmentforthear m."
Me:
"Whatar
ewedoi
ngagai
n.?
"
Busi
swa: "youhavetwomeet i
ngst odayaboutyour
Androidlearnershi
pprogram thatwi l
lbeconsist
ing
ITst
udent sandmedi calstudents.Youhavea
meetingwi ththeDeanfrom theUni versi
tyandone
outofthet hreehospi
tal
sIhavement i
oned.Theyall
wouldliketowor kwit
husyouj usthavet oChoose
one."
Me:
"theSt
eveBi
koAcademi
cHospi
tal
"
Busi
swa:
"Oksi
r."
Me:
"somet
hingel
se?
"
Il
ookedatherandshest
oodt
her
e.
Busi
swa:
"no"
Me:
"It
hinkwehaveal
otofwor
ktodo."
Shenoddedandmadeherwayout .Iputmycoffee
downandIsatdownandopenedmyl aptop.My
neckfeel
ssti
ffbutthatwon'
tst
opmef rom wor
king.
Icheckedmyemai l
sandIgotaninvi
tetoa
pharmacyopening.Ichuckl
edandItookmyphone
andmadeacal l
.
Li
ndo:
"Whatnow?"
Me:
"Youweopeni
nganot
herphar
macy?"
Li
ndo:"j
ustbr
ingyourasswi
thahotmama
Khumalo"
Me:
"iwi
lli
fyoul
etmegetmedi
cat
ionf
ree"
Li
ndo:
"Fuckyoumf
wet
huIam i
nbusi
nessher
e"
Ichuckl
ed.
Li
ndo:
"weneedt
ocat
chup."
Me:"yeahman.LookIhavewor
ksowewi
llt
alk
l
ater"
Li
ndo:
"don'
tover
wor
kyour
sel
f"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Yesmom "
Li
ndo:"mxm.Thedayisnatchyourmom f
rom your
dadi
sthedayhewon'tbel
ieve"
Me:
"fokof"
Hechuckl
ed.
Lindo:",
bri
ngher
.HeyIhear
dyourbr
oknocked
them up"
Me:
"t
hat
'
sast
oryf
oranot
herday"
Li
ndo:
"sal
utehi
m.AnywayIhavet
orunaswel
l
."
Me:
"sur
e"
Hehungup.Li
ndoi
smycl
osef
ri
end.Wehavea
verybusyl ifetoalwaysmeetup.Thi sisgonnabe
hissecondPhar macyt hathewi l
lbeopening.Hei s
reallypassionateabouthiswor kasIam.We
under st
andeachot herandhaveaver yweirdyet
wor kablerelat
ionship.Hehasbeenj oki
ngabout
takingmymom f oryearsthatIaccepteditnow.He
i
sj ustjoki
ngcauseheknowsIwi l
lkil
lhim.Just
joking.IshakemyheadasIam i nthought sandI
startupont hi
spr oj
ect.WhydidIevenst atitagai
n?
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Iwaswal kingthr
ought heprisoncaf eter
ia.Eyesof
hugel adieslooki
ngatme.Iwasf eel
ingsmal lyet
scaredwhi l
eIheldontomyf ood.Thi sorange
overrallwasn'tmyt ypeofstyle.Ij
ustwonderi fIwil
l
survi
vei nher e.Iwassear chingf oraplacetosi t
whent wobi gwomanwi t
hat attooonherwr istand
herover allwashalfundone.
Her:
"Awul
ethel
eyogawul
alahangi
sut
hanga
(br
ingyourf
oodher
e.Iam notf
ull)
"
Me:
"goaskf
orsecondst
hen"
Iwasabi
tscar
edbutIwon'
tshowi
t.
Her:
"ut
hini?(Whatdi
dyousay?)
"
Shesai
dst
eppi
ngcl
osert
omeandal
leyesonus.
Me:
"No,
Iwon'
tgi
veyoumyf
ood"
Shechuckl
edandsi
gnal
edwi
thherfr
iendsandI
l
ookeddownandsawshehadaknif
e.Iwas
shi
ver
ingthen.
Her:
"br
ingyourf
oodher
e!"
"Eyivoet
sekkancaneungazekul
imaleumunt
u
(stepbackbef
oreanyonegetshurt)
"
Theladyinfrontofmepushedmeandmyf oodf ell
onthefloor.Itwasn'
tallthenicefoodIam usedt o
butIwashungr y.Youonl ygetonemeal.It urned
andthisladywasI nfrontofwhoeverwasdef ending
me.Nextt hingpeoplewer efi
ghti
ngandthel ady
wasbleeding.Thewar densheldhimintoplace.
Whatishedoi nghere?Onl yl
adiesaret
hisside.
Warden:"Razornent
ombiyakhoazi
she!
(Razor
andyourgir
lf
riend,
come)"
Me:
"Iam nothi
sgi
rl
fr
iend"
War
den:
"shutup"
Shesaidcuffingusandwal ki
ngawaywithus.He
wasreall
ytallbutIguessthatwomanistal
laswel
l.
Scar
ywast hewor daswel l
.Iwasscaredand
wantedtocry.Firstdayandalreadymyli
fei
shel
l.
Theyputusinar oom uncuffed.
Warden:
"Thesuper
int
endentwi
lldealwi
tht
hebot
h
ofyou"
Shesaidbangingthedooranditwaslockedf
rom
al
lthelocksthathavebeent
urned.Isankdown
andjustcri
ed.Thei smypuni
shmentofmi st
reat
ing
Ntet
helel
o.
"Whyar
eyoucr
ying?"
Il
ookedathi
m andhewaspi
ssed.
Me:
"whatdoyouwantf
rom me?"
Hekickedthewallandtookakni
feoutofhi
spocket
andplayedaroundwithit
.Myeyewereonit
.
Him: "Al
exandr
autheangi
zokubhekel
elakancane
(Alexandr
asaidIshoul
dcomeandcheckupon
you)"
Iwasconf
usedast
owhoi
sthat
.
Me:
"huh?"
Hi
m:"Axe"
Me:
"oh.Wher
eisshe?"
Hi
m:"it
ookherpl
ace."
Iswall
owed.SoIhavenosupportsyst
em i
nher
e.I
am gonnadiebyt
hisweekend.
Hi
m:"ent
lekubaniwena?(Whoar
eyou?)
"
Me:
"Unat
hi"
Hi
m:"ohBar
biedol
l"
Me:
"Thatnamehast
ravel
ed."
Him:"noIj
ustassumed.Whati
sagi
rll
ikeYou
doi
nghere?"
Hesaidl
ooki
ngdownonme.Hi spr
esencei
s
i
nti
midat
ingyethehasn'
tgi
venmeareasont
obe
t
hatscar
edexceptt
hekni
fe.
Me:
"Iam her
etoser
vemysent
encef
orwoundi
ng"
Him:"(laughi
ng)youserious.Youknowhow
manypeopl eIhavest
abbed.Somediedfr
om t
his
kni
fe.Overhundreds"
Hesai
dlooki
ngathi
skni
fet
henme.
Me:
"youar
egonnaki
llme?"
Hi
m:"no.Wozal
ah(comeher
e)"
Hegavemeani nti
midati
ngl
ookandIsl
owl
ygotup
andhehookedhisarm bymywaist
.
Hi
m:"Idon'
tli
kewast
ingmyt
ime"
Hisknifer
oamedaroundmyneckandhe
undressedmyoverr
allsl
owl
ybutnotal
lofi
t.
Exposingmybreast
s.
Me:
"what.
..
..
whatar
eyoudoi
ng?"
Ishegonnarapeme.Hishandwentt
hereand
touchedmyboobsandcoldshi
ver
swentdownmy
spineandhedressedmeup.
Hi
m:"waschecki
ngyououtandyouper
fect"
Me:
"for?"
Hi
m:"Iam gonnabest
rai
ghtwi
thyounow.Iwanna
f
uckyou"
Iswal
lowed.
Me:
"Ican'
t.
..
.Ican'
tsl
eepwi
thyou"
Hi
m:"Iwasn'
taski
ngbutwasl
ett
ingyouknow"
Me:"Igavebi
rt
handIcan'
thavesexcausei
t'
s
nat
ural"
Hesmi
rked.
Hi
m:"Iwi
llbr
ibet
henur
set
ocheckyouout"
Me:
"thatwon'
thappen"
Hehel
dmyneck
Hi
m:"i
twi
ll
.Justwat
ch.Ir
unt
hispr
ison"
Thedoorwasbei
ngunl
ockedandIpushedmysel
f
offhi
m.
Hi
m:"cal
lmeTa'
razor"
Hewinkedatmewi t
hasmileandthedooropened
andt
hesuperi
ntendentwal
kedinwit
hthewarden.
super
int
endent:
"adaybackRazor"
Razor:
"Youknowt
hisi
shome"
Hesaidwi t
hasmi r
kthatannoyedthe
superi
ntendent.Whati
sheplayingat?Idon'
t
wannahavesexwi thhi
m.Iwi shthosegi
rl
shitme
becausenowi tl
ooksli
kemyt roubl
esgotbi
gger.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ihadmyl astclassfort
hedayandIwashappyt hat
Icaughtup.Iwal kedoutofcampusandSesethui s
goingwithoneofherment odaysoIwil
lbealone.I
sawacarandTr ist
angotout.Whati
sbei
ngher e?
Hedidn'ti
nform mehei scoming.Hi
sworkuniform
suit
shimt hough.
Tr
ist
an:
"nohug?"
It
hrewmyar
msar
oundhi
m andIhuggedhi
m.
Me:
"whatasur
pri
se"
Tr
istan:"Imissedyou.Myamazinggir
lf
ri
end
walki
ngar oundcampuslooki
ngal
lbeauti
fulgotme
st
ressing"
Me:
"wel
ltheycanl
ookbutcan'
ttouch"
Tr
ist
an:
"ort
heyj
ustnotl
ook"
Iplayf
ull
yhithi
sshoul
derandhebroughtmecl
oser
tohim andwesharedakiss.Ipl
acedmyhanon
hisneckandwebrokeit
.
Trist
an:"IwishIcoul
dbelockedupwit
hyouf
ort
he
restofmylif
eandcuddlewithyousome."
Me:
"met
oo"
Hesmi
ledandhi
sgr
eeneyesspar
kled.Ipl
ayed
wi
thhi
shair
.
Tr
ist
an:
"yout
reatmel
ikeababy"
Me:
"youl
ookcut
e."
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Tr
ist
an:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"met
oo"
Wegoti
nhi
scarbef
orehedr
oveof
f.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwaslookingathim sl
owlyappl
yingt
hel
oti
onont
o
hi
sbody.Hewasr eall
ytempti
ngmebutthi
s
heal
ingprocessistaki
nglong.
Me:
"canyougetdr
essedqui
ckl
y?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"doIdot
hingst
oyou? "
Me:
"manyt
hings"
Hechuckledandt
ookhi
sboxer
sandhewor ethem.
Itookmyphoneanddadwascall
ing.Isatupand
answered.
Me:
"daddy"
Dad:
"Angel
.Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam ok.Wear
eok.Don'
twor
ry"
Dad:
"that
'swhenIwi
llwor
ry.Imi
ssmyl
it
tl
egi
rl"
Me:
",,
shei
sher
e"
Dad:
"yesbutal
lgr
ownupIguess."
Ismi
le.
Dad:
"tel
lthatboyhehast
opayf
ordamages"
Me:
"whatdamages?"
Dad:
"foryouget
ti
nghur
t."
Me:
"dr
amadad"
Dad:
"Ever
yti
meyougethur
tther
eneedst
obe
i
nsur
ancemoneyt
ofi
xit"
Il
aughedandNt
ethel
elowasl
ooki
ngatme.
Me:
"Iwi
llt
ellhi
m."
Dad:
"good.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oodad.Goodni
ght
"
Dad:
"ki
ssmygr
andsonf
orme"
Me:
"uwi
ll"
HehungupandNt
ethel
elogoti
nbedandwant
edt
o
hol
dmywai stbutr
emember
edhecan'
t.Iki
ssed
hi
sfor
ehead.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canyoumovei
n?"
Me:"no.Imaynotgot
ochur
chbutcohabi
tat
ioni
s
ano"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethelel
o:"Iam remember
ingabi
tofstuf
fbutI
am st
il
ltr
yingtorememberourmemori
es"
It
ouchedhi
sfor
ehead.
Me:
",doyougetanyef
fect
s?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"headacheandneckpai
ns"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry.Weshoul
dcheckt
heDr"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"whydon'
twegobutsomet
hingsf
or
t
hekidsandthenewhouse"
Me:
"recover
ingMbul
azi"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ohyeah.Wel
lIl
oveyou"
Ismi
led"
Il
oveyout
ooBabakaZi
khal
izamant
ungwaand
Let
hokuhl
eKhumal
o"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canIgetaki
ss"
Igavehim akissandputmyhandonhi
schestand
webrokeit.Ihopethatt
heki
dsandushaveagood
ri
defrom her
eonwar ds
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
35] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t63

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

IhadtoaskAndi
swawhatr el
atesherandTr i
stan
befor
ehandbecauseIhavealit
tl
ebadf eel
ing.She
sai
dsheiswithNtet
helel
oandt hekids.Shemoved
i
nwi t
hhim ?Wewi l
lonlyfindoutthen.Irangthe
doorbel
landthedooropenedandt hemot herinl
aw
Welcomedmewi thasmile.Thi
swomani sso
peacef
ulandsolovi
ng.Youcanj ustfeelherener
gy.
MrsKhumal
o:"OhSi
yamt
handamychi
ld.Comei
n
"
Shemovedoutofthewayandsheclosedt
hedoor
whenIwalkedi
nandsheturnstohugmeandIhug
herback.Ismi
leandhedoesthesame.
MrsKhumal
o:"Andi
swai
sst
il
lset
tl
ingZi
khal
i.He
i
sacrybaby"
Me:
"it
'sokMr
sKhumal
o"
Mr
sKhumal
o:"cal
lmeMah.Wear
efami
lynow,
"
Me:
"yesmah"
MrsKhumal
o:"l
etmegoandmakesomet
eaf
or
you."
Me:
"thatwon'
tbe.
..
..
..
..
"
Shewasoutofsi
ghtal
ready.
Me:
"necessar
y."
Iwenttosi
tdownandlookedar
ound.Thi
shousei
t
beaut
if
ulandsi
mpleaswell.
"Yourneckwoul
dbr
eakl
ooki
ngar
ound"
Shecamedownsl
owl
yandIst
oodup.
Me:
"needanyhel
p?"
Andi
swa:
"Iam i
npai
nnotpar
alyzed.Iam f
ine."
Me:
"soyoul
iveher
e?"
Andiswa:"NoIjustcamet
ovi
sit
.Iwi
llbel
eavi
ng
soon.Youwantedtoseeme."
Isatheront
hecouchf
ixi
ngt
hecushi
onsandI
l
ookedather.
Me:
"Iam dat
ing"
Andi
swa:"wowt
hat
'samazi
ng.Ihopehet
reat
s
your
ight"
Me:"yeah.Tur
nsoutyouandmyboyf
ri
endhavea
hi
stor
y"
Shef
rowned.
Andi
swa:
"boyf
ri
end?
"
Me:
"Tr
ist
anBr
own"
Andi
swa:
"wai
tyouar
edat
ingTr
ist
an?"
Inodded.
Andi
swa:
"wowIdon'
tknowwhatt
osay"
Me:
"what?"
Andiswa:"Iusedt oworkwithTri
stanandhewas
mymanagerwhohappenedt oli
kemewhi l
eIwasi n
l
ikewithNt et
helel
o.Wekissedhereandthereonce
anditwasdur ingthet
imeIwasdat ingNt
ethel
elo
butnothi
nghappenedandIconf essed.Thesecond
ti
mewet riedtogivewhatwasgoi ngonatry"
Me:
"doyoul
ovehi
m ?"
Andi
swa:"NoIdon'
t.Ievenendedt
hingsbecause
myhear
twasn'tt
her
e."
Me:
"Ibel
ieveyou"
Andi
swa:
"don'
trushanyt
hing.Tr
ist
ani
stoor
ushy"
Me:
"Youknowhi
m wel
l"
Andi
swa: "Ihaveworkedwi t
hhi m andbeeni
n
whateverthatiswi
thhim.Her ushedthingst
oo
qui
cklyandyouwon' tnot
ice.Ifhelovesyouand
youlovehimt heni
t'
sok",
Me:
"yeahIl
ikehi
m"
Andi
swa:
"ok"
,
Mahcameoutwi
that
rayandIst
oodupt
omeet
herhal
fway.
Mr
sKhumal
o:"Thankyou"
Me:
"Thankyoumah"
Shegiggl
edandwal
kedof
f.Isatdownandpour
ed
ustea.
Me:
"wher
eist
hedaddy?"
Andi
swa:
"Hi
sst
udy.Doi
ngsomewor
k."
Me:
"andyouwor
k?"
Andiswa:"Idon'
tknowyazi
.ButschoolIam st
il
l
workingonthat"
Me:
"that
'sgood"
Andi
swa:
"speaki
ngofschool"
,
Me: "wearegonnabeinthisl
earner
shippr ogr
am
thatdealswit
hAndroi
dsso,ITandmedi cal
studentswil
lbej
oineddur
ingthi
slearnershipt
hing.
"
Isi
ppedonmyt
eaandAndi
swat
ookher
s
Andi
swa:
"wai
tAndr
oid.?"
InoddedandNt
ethel
elocamet
othel
ounge.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"HiSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"Hi"
Andi
swa:
"don'
tyouhaveoneofyourbrot
her
swho
deal
swi
thwhatagai
nwithDrsaswell?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"what?"
Ther
ewasadoorbel
lri
ng.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hol
dthatt
hought
."
Hewal
kedt
othedoor
.
Andi
swa:
"It
hinki
t'
sbet
weenZamaniandAyanda"
Ichokedont
het
eaandNt
ethel
elocamebackwi
th
Ayandaandmyst omachtur
ned.Hedidn'
tlookmy
way.Hejustsl
ight
lyl
ookedandfocusedon
somethi
ngelse.
Ayanda:
"Hel
lo"
Andiswa:"Hi,
youl
ookcasual
forsomeonewho
shouldbeweari
nggoggl
esandawhitecoat"
Isi
ppedont
het
ea
Me:
"hi"
Ayanda:
"Hi"
,
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatbr
ingsyouher
e?"
Ayanda:"di
dyougetlindo'
semai
l.Hesai
dyou
haven'
tresponded."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"idi
dn'
tseei
t.Whati
sitabout?"
Ayanda:
"hei
sopeni
nganewphar
macy"
Andiswa:"wow.Hardwor
kbepayingouther
e.You
hearSiya.Wor
khardandyouwi
llbuyyourown
pract
iceoneday"
Me:
"Ihearyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"watar
eyoust
udyi
ng?"
Me:
"Medi
cineatUP"
Ayanda'
sphonef
ellatmyf
eetandIpickedi
tupand
gaveitt
ohi
m.Hecl ear
edhi
sthroat
.
Ayanda:
"wear
egonnabeworkingwit
hstudent
s
fr
om UPonmaki
ngandinst
all
ingAndr
oids."
Me:
"YouanI
Tspeci
ali
st?"
Hechuckl
edandsatopposi
teme.Wej
ustst
aredat
eachot
her.
Ayanda:
"Iam mor
ethant
hat
."
Iswal
lowed.
Andi
swa:"Iwannacheckwhatmahhasbeendoi
ng
i
ntheki
tchen"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ineedsomewat
er.Comel
etmecar
ry
you"
Me:
"wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?"
Theyj
ustl
eft
.
Me:
"Ishoul
dleave."
It
ookmybag.
Ayanda:
"si
t",
Isatst
il
l.Hi
svoi
cewascommandi
ng
Ayanda:
"Howi
sitgoi
ng?"
Me:",
,
goodsofar,
lookAyandaIam sor
ryaboutt
he
wayIt
alkedt
oyou.Itwasuncal
ledf
or"
Henodded.Hest
oodup.
Ayanda:"i
t'
sokifyouarehappy.Iam nota
st
rangerandIam notyourf
ri
end.Letmel eave"
Me:
"youdon'
thavet
o.Iwasl
eavi
ngal
ready"
,
Ayanda:
"Iam avoi
dingt
hings"
Me:
"li
ke?"
Ayanda:
"ki
ssi
ngyouandhol
dingyout
her
eri
ght
nowsobye"
Hewalkedoutaft
erhi
sstat
ement.Il
ookedaround
andgulpedt
heteabef
orefol
lowi
nghi
m outtores.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Wewer eeavesdr
oppi ngatthekit
chen.Andi
swa
wasjustmakingfacialexpr
essionsandwhenthey
wer
edonei twassilent.
Andiswa:
"(,
,
onecl
ap),
that'
swhyAyandai
sact
ing
weir
d.Hehashot
sforMthanda"
,
Idi
dn'
texpectt
hatone.
Me:
"wear
ewr
ongt
hough"
Andi
swa:
"about?"
,
Me:
",,
li
steni
ngi
nthei
rconver
sat
ion"
Sheper
kedmyl
ips.
Andi
swa:
"wel
lyouwi
lll
ovenewswi
thme"
Ichuckl
edandshewentt
othefr
idgeandtookouta
yogurt
.Ist
oodbehi
ndherandki
ssherneck.
Andi
swa:
"youar
egonnamakemedr
opi
t"
Me:
"Idon'
tmi
nd"
Andi
swa:
"andyourmom i
sher
e.weshoul
drespect
her,
"
Shesai
dcl
osi
ngt
hef
ri
dge.
Me:
"Ican'
tbel
ieveyouar
eleavi
ngt
omor
row"
Andi
swa:
"Iam notmar
ri
edt
oyoubr
o"
Ihel
dmychestandshel
aughed.
Me:
"br
oki
ll
edme."
Andi
swa:
"comel
et'
sgocheckonourbabi
es"
Thesoundofthatcomingfrom herl
ipsissending
ti
nglesdownmyspi ne.SlowlybutsurelyIwil
l
remembereveryt
hingandrightmywr ongswithher.
RightnowIam enjoyi
ngthi
sst r
ingf
eelingIhavefor
her.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Ij
ustcamefr
om campusandpassedbygateway
mallj
ustt
obuysomefewstuf
fbefor
egoingtohi
s
office.Igotof fearlytodaybecausesomecl asses
wer ecancel ledandwel lhelef
tear lyinthemor ning
withouteat ing.Idr ovet ohiswor kplaceandgotout
witht hef oodandmademywayi n.Sandi leisthe
besthusbandIwon' ttakethatawayf rom him.He
l
ovesmeandIl ovehim andhel ovesourdaught er
aswel l
.It
'sjustt hathehi desthingslikehei ssol o
whenwear eat eam .Imi ssmybabyandIam
thinkingoff etchinghert hisafternoon.Igetof fthe
elevat orwheni tpingedandIwal kedtohi soffice.
HisPAi snother emaybeshei sonaner r
andori na
meet ing.Ijustopenedt hedooranddr oppedt he
takeoutbagashef ixedhi mselfandIl ookedather
havi ngaconni vingsmi l
eonherf aceasshewi ped
herl ipsandgotof fherknees.
Sandi
le:
"Babyl
etmeexpl
ain"
Iputmyhandup,
Ifel
tmyhear
tshat
ter
Me:
"noneed.Sor
ryt
odi
stur
b"
Pear
l:",
,
yeah"
Sandil
ecamefor
thandIj
usttur
nedmyheelsand
rushedtot
heel
evat
orIpr
esseditt
oopenandit
wasemptyandi
twasaboutt
ocl
osewhenhe
st
eppedi
nanditcl
osed.
Me,
:
"don'
ttouchme."
Sandi
le:
"babyIam sor
ry."
Hebl
ockedt
heel
evat
orf
rom movi
ng.
Me:"i
nst
antt
obeoutofher
e.Idon'
twannasee
you"
Hest
eppedcl
oserandIhi
thi
m wi
thmyback.
Me:
"Ihat
eyousandi
le.Ir
egr
etmar
ryi
ngyou."
Sandi
le:
"youar
ehur
ti
ngme"
Me:
"wer
eyougonnasl
eepwi
thher?
!"
HewalkedcloserandIjustbrokedown.Iam weak
andeveryt
hingjusthappenedinsl
owmot ioni
nmy
worl
d.Heengulfedmei nahugandIcr i
ed.
Me:"i
sitbecauseIhavenoonet
otur
ntoanymor
e
t
hatyoustompmyhear t"
Sandi
le:"Iam sor
ry.Idon'
twantt
olooseyou.I
wasstupidandIdon'twanttol
ooseyou"
Ineedabreak.Fr
om al
lofthis.I
thurtsandi
t'
shi
s
ex.Ican'
tkeepupanymore.Iwon'tkeepup
anymore.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
35] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t64

Ican'tbelievei
t'sthenextday.Thedayt hatIhave
toleavewi thZikhali.Ir
eal
lyenjoyedspendingmy
ti
meher e.Iwaswokenupbyasof tki
ssonmyf ace
whichgotmesqui rming.I
twasr eall
ycold.I
groanedandIopenedmyeyesandIwasmetby
Ntethelelo'
sfacelookingatme.
Me:
"youar
ecol
d"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihavebeenoutofbedf
oranhour"
Me:
"whatt
imei
sit?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"8am "
Me:
"wai
tdoesn'
tLet
howakeupat6am "
It
ri
edt
ogetoft
hebed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"st
opst
ressi
ng.Igotmybabyal
lok"
Me:
"cor
rect
ionMr
.Ourbaby,
me,
youandUnat
hi.
Hesmi
ledandki
ssedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yesourbaby.Iam sor
rysugarpl
um.
Si
tupsoIcanfeedyou"
Me:
"Iwantt
obr
ushmyt
eet
h"
Heopenst hecoversandhepi cksmeup.Ist il
l
wonderhowwi t
hmyt hickbodybutIwon' tquestion
becausehei snotdroppingme.Heput smedown
andIwashmyf aceandbr ushmyt eet
h.Wesend
uptakingashowert ogether.Afteronewegotout
andthefoodf orsurei
scol dnow.Imadet hebed
wit
hhi m andwet ookthefoodandwentt ot he
ki
tchen.Mahwasf eedingZi khalionsomebaby
chair
.Ther eweretwoandLet howasj ustlooking.
Puttheplateinthemicrowavet oheatupabi tandI
wentt
oherandt
ookher
Me:
"mor
ningMah"
Mah:
"Mor
ningmychi
ld."
Shesai dwi
thasmil
e.Unat
hihadniceinl
awsandI
don'tknowwhysheactedt
hewayshedi dbutwe
mayneverknow.Iam overherst
abingmebecause
sheisservi
nghert
ime.Ihopeshegetsoutbet
ter
forherdaught
er.
Me:
"heybabygi
rl"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"yabonaNdodaumawakhoekuj
ikel
a
(youseeyourmom t
urni
ngonyou)"
,
Me:"Iam l
eavi
ngwit
hhi
m soIneedt
ospendsome
t
imewiththegi
rl"
Heshookhi sheadwit
hasmi leandmahj ustsmil
ed.
Iputlethodownandkissedherforeheadandwent
totakemyf oodandIsatdownandat e.Iwashed
thedishesaft
erandwentupstair
st othebedr oom.
Myphonewasr i
ngi
ng.Iwentt otakei tanditwas
Mer cy.OhmyGodIforgotaboutherabi t
.Bashme
please.
Me:
"Mngoh"
Shej
ustcr
ied.Iwaspani
cki
ng.
Mercy:"canIcomethatsi
de.?Iam i
nPr
etor
iaand
Idon'
twanttobealone."
Me:
"wher
eisSandi
le?Wher
eisYol
anda?
"
Mercy:"i
t'
smessedup.Ineedyourl
ovi
ng
Andiswa"
Me:"ok.Youaref
amilynoneedt
oask.Dadwi
llbe
happyi
t'
sjustt
hatIhaveababynow"
Mer
cy:
"youdi
dn'
ttel
lmeyouwer
epr
egnant"
Me:"
Iwil
ltel
lyouwhenyoucome.Idon'
tknowi
f
youwil
lmindsleepi
ngwi
thKhul
uza"
Mer
cy:
"Khul
uzai
sther
e?"
Me:
"yeah"
Mer
cy:
"ohnoshewi
lldr
agmeback.Uhm canwe
got
oahot
el"
Me:"thebabyMercyandIdon'
tthi
nkdador
Nt
ethelel
owil
lal
lowthat"
Mer
cy:
"youkeepshocki
ngmemor
e"
Igi
ggl
edandNt
ethel
elohel
dmef
rom behi
nd.
Me:
"wehavet
ogohomet
hen."
Mer
cy:
"ok.Bye"
Shehungup.Iam wor
ri
edabouther
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whodoesn'
twantt
ogohome"
Me:
"ut
handai
ndaba(youl
ovenews)
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yout
aughtmet
olovenewsyest
erday"
Il
aughedandhel
donmyphone.
Me: "MercyishereandPret
ori
a.Idon'
tknowher
reasons.Yettof
indoutandshedoesn'twantt
ogo
homebecauseofKhul uzasoshesuggestedahot
el
forusbutIdecli
nedbecauseofthebaby"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihaveani
dea"
Me:
"Mmmmh"
Ntet
helel
o:"youcant
ellhert
ocomeher
eandt
ell
yourdadaswell"
It
urned.
Me:
"orwecangot
oyourapar
tment"
Nt
ethel
elo:"t
herei
snof
oodandIam l
azyt
ogo
gr
oceryshopping"
Il
ookedathi
m wi
thar
aisedeyebr
owandhehasa
smir
k.
Me:
"justsayt
hatyouwantust
ost
ay"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"isi
tacr
ime?"
Me:
"no"
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
.
.
*
MERCY*

IJustneedabreak.Heneedsthisbreakfrom met o
ful
lydeci
dewhohewant s.Honestl
yIdon' twantto
breakthi
ngsoffwit
hsandil
ebecauseIl ovehim but
heispushingmyhandinthedirect
ionIdon'twant .
Iknowmywor t
handknowi ngaf amilyli
ket he
Bhengu'shavemybackmakesmef eelatease.My
phonevibrat
edandi tAndi swa.Shesenti na
messagesayi ngIshoul dcomet oNt ethelelo'
s
house.Honest l
yIdon' tliket heguysi ncet hedayI
l
earnthei st
wot imingmyf r
iendbutAndi swahas
gonebacksowhoam It osaywhenIhavemyown
i
ssues.Fr om theairpor tIuber edt oNt ethelel
o's
house.Iam wonder ingi fUnat hii ssayingt oallof
them bei
nginonepl aceandnowwewi l
ljustinvade
herspace.Igott hereandpai dt hedr i
verandIgot
i
nside.Irangthedoorbel lholdingont omybagand
i
topenedandNt ethelelo'smot herappear ed.This
womanhasaver ycalm aur a..
Her:
"Hel
lo"
,
Shesai
dwithasmileandtr
iedtosmileback.She
cl
osedthedoor
.Babycrybrokeoutandsheturned.
Her:
"youmaysi
tdown"
Inoddedandwenttosi
t.SoonAndi
swacamedown
thestai
rsandIst
oodup.Shewaswalki
ngi
na
funnymanner.
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Andi
swa:
"yes.Howar
eyou?"
ShehuggedmeandIj
ustbr
okedown.Shehushed
me.
Andi
swa:
"Iam her
enow"
Me:
"Iam t
ryi
ngAndi
swaandhej
ustmakesi
thar
d
"
Andi
swa:
"shhh"
Inodded.
Andi
swa:
"itwi
llbeok"
Ihopei
tdoesbeok.
.
.
*
SANDI
LE*

Iwokeupthismor ni
ngandt hebedwasempt y.A
notewasbesidemeandi t'
sf rom Mercyst
ati
ngshe
needsabreather
.Icrushedt henote.Real
lyIam
fuckingupandnotst opping.Ican'tl
oosemywi fe
,notoveranyone.SoIwon' ttotakeashowerand
sentamessaget ot heItguysohecant rackwher e
Mer cyi s.Whi leIgotdonewi thshower i
ngIgotout
anddr essedi ncasualcl othesandItookherr ing
thatshel ef tandouti tonmypi nkyfi
ngernextt o
mine.I tfeelsweirdbecausei t
'snotont heowner s
fi
nger .It akemyphoneandkeysandIwal ked
downt hest air
sbef oregoi ngout.Iwentt omycar
andIdr oveof f.Iwasi nt houghts.Iwoul d
const antlyhitthest eer
ingwheelj ustthinkinghow
stupidIam.Shef eltuncomf ort
able,Ishoul dn'
t
havemademywi feuncomf ort
abletoapoi ntli
ke
thatandnowsoshei snother e.Igott oherpl ace
andIpar kedandgotoutofmycar .Iwentt oher
doorandIknockedoni tandsheopened.Shewas
i
nhergown.Shecl osedi tseducti
vel
y.
Pear
l:"Hi
",
Shewantedtocomeinf
oraki
ssbutIpushedher
faceawayfr
om me.
Me:
"dontbr
ingyoual
coholdr
enchedf
acet
omi
ne"
Shecl
earedherthr
oatasImademywayi
nandshe
cl
osedthedoors.
Pear
l:"whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Me:"whatIshouthavedonealongti
meago.Iam
cut
ti
ngti
eswi t
hyoueveninbusi
ness.Fi
nd
someoneelsetoworkwit
h."
Pear
l:
"ar
eyouser
ious.?Youwi
fei
schi
ldi
sh"
Irel
easedahotsl
api
nhert
hatshest
umbl
edt
othe
fl
oor.
Me: "you,
youtheonewhof uckedmeupandI
foundsomeonethatIloveandnowyouwannaf uck
meupagai n!Mymar ri
ageagain!Youalwaysknew
IhadasoftspotforyoubutnowIdon't
.!",
Pear
l:"l
et'
stal
kaboutt
hisSandi
le.Iam sor
ry"
Me:"youar enot.I
fyouwer eyouwoul dhavel
eft
mealone.IfIeverImeaneverevensmel lyour
per
fumeandeveni fit
'snotyou.Iwi
llcomeforyou
andburryyounextt otheoceanIswearPearlmark
mywor ds."
Pear
l:"youwoul
dn'
tdot
hat"
Me:"t
ryme.YouknowIdon'
tmakeempt
y
pr
omises"
Icl
ickedmyt ongueandIwal kedoutbangingthe
door.Amessagecamei nandit
'sthe.ITguyand
hesaysshei sinPretor
ia.Ishouldgivehertwo
daysandifshei snotbackIam takingmywi fe
backandrightmywr ongs."
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Wedi dgeti ntroubleforwhathappenedatt he

cafeteriaandnowwehavet ocl
eant heshower s.I
willcl
eant heladies.Hesaidhewoul dn'tdot hats
theybeathi m upandputhi minisolati
on.Inever
knewsuper i
ntendentscanhityou.Okknow
nothinganyway.Thenai l
saregoneandmyf i
ngers
justfeelnaked.Iam cr yi
ngasIam cl eaningt he
shower sandIj ustwanttovomi t
.Hai rclotswer e
hereaswel l
.WhenIwasdoneIdi dnthavean
appetite.Iwenttowashmyhandsbef oreIwas
takentot hecafeteri
a.Mycellmatetor
mentmet oa
pointlastnightIdidn'
tsl
eep.TheysaidIshoul d
standandwat chthem.Isleptonthefl
oorandt hey
wokemeupwi t
hslapsandkicks.Icanstil
lfeelthe
shoeonmyr i
bcage.Iwentt ogetsomef oodandI
satalone.Imi ssLondieandshoul dhavedef i
nit
ely
l
istenedtoZama.Awar denstoodnexttome.
War
den:
"st
andup"
Me:
"whatDi
dIdo?"
War
den:
"don'
tquest
ionme.Come"
Ist
oodupandshepull
edmebymyar
m andwal
ked
outwi
thmefr
om thecafet
eri
a.
Me:
"wher
ear
eweheadi
ng?
"
Her:
"shutup"
Ikeptqui
etandshegoti
ntoanot
herpl
aceand
thr
ewmei naclosedcel
landcl
osedmein.
Me:
"letmeout"
"Ican'
tbei
sol
atedal
one"
It
urnedandhewasst
andi
ngt
her
epl
ayi
ngwi
thhi
s
kni
fe.Onehandwasinhi
spocket
.Hewasl eani
ng
onthewall
.Idon'
tknowwhati
sgonnahappenbut
i
t'
sunpredi
ctabl
e.
Razor:
"come"
Me:
"I.
..
.I.
."
Razor:
"Idon'
twannaaskyouagai
nUnat
hicome"
Iwalkedsl
owlytowardshim andhet
rappedmy
waistandtheknif
ewasonmyneck.Iwas
breat
hingheavi
lyaboutt
ocry.
Razor:
"Iwon'
thur
tyou.Rel
ax"
Inoddedwhi
leswal
lowi
ng.Icoul
dfeelhi
sbr
eat
h
hi
tmyneckandthenhekissedi
t.
Razor:
"Ican'
twai
tfourmont
hs"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"wecan'
t"
Razor
:"makeapl
ant
hen"
Hesaidt
akingof
fhi
sjumpsuit
.Thosescaryt
att
oos
tol
dmeIam gonnadi
ehere.Iswallowedashe
handser
vicedhi
msel
fandgroaned.Hisgr
oanwas
hoar
seanddeep.
Hi
m:"mmmh"
Helethisdi
ckgoandi
twaspoi
nti
ngnor
th
t
hrobbingasiti
s.
Razor:
"Unat
hi"
Iswall
owedandIwentonmykneesandcl osedmy
eyesdoingapr ayer
.Ihaveforabl owjobbefor
ei t
's
j
ustthatthissi
tuati
onisdif
ferent.Ispi
tonhisdick
andhandj obhim befor
eIstartedtosuck.Nodoubt
i
twasbi gbecauseIwasn' tevendeept hr
oati
ng
Marait'
sami ssion.Hishandwentt ot
hebackof
myheadandhegr i
ppedmyaf ro.Theytookmy
weaveaswel l.
Hi
m:"f
uck!"
Mytongueswirl
eduptohisti
pandIwasrubbi
ng
hi
sball
saswell.Iwentinagai
nanddeepthr
oated
andhecursedandrol
ledhi
sheadback.
Hi
m:"Shi
t!"
Ikeptonli
cki
ngandsucki
ngwhil
erubbi
nghisbal
ls
i
nt hepr
ocessaswel
l.Heremovedmyfaceandhe
fi
nishedthejobwi
thhishand.Cum spi
ll
edandhe
cursed.Iwipedmyli
psandhepull
edmeupand
ki
ssedmyl ips.
Razor:
"thatwasamazi
ng.Youknowyourgame"
Ikeptqui
et.
Razor:
"Iam gonnabestuckonyouf orawhi
le.
Youwil
lli
veli
keaqueenherejustst
ickwit
hmeand
keepongivi
ngitgood"
Iwassi
lent
.
Razor:
"ok"
I
fIwon'
tbet
orment
ed.
Me:
"ok"
Razor:
"doyouhaveavest?"
Iopenedmyj umpsuitandItookoutmyvestand
gaveittohim andhef ir
stwipedmylipsandperked
them beforecleani
nghimselfup.Iwasgetti
ng
dressedbuthest oppedmeandhel dmybr east
.He
kissedbetweent hem andsuckedonmyni ppl
ebutI
pushedhi m awayandhewi pedhisfacechuckl
ing
Me:
"don'
tdot
hat"
Razor:
"it
'sni
ce.Il
ike"
Hel
ickedhi
sfi
ngerwhi
chhewi
pedt
hemi
lkwi
th."
Razor
:"youwi
llbeher
esomet
imesol
etmeenj
oyi
t
"
Me:
"theywi
llbesaggy"
Razor:
"ohwedon'
twantt
hatnow.Damnyousexy
"
Ij
ustgiggl
edandworemyjumpsuit
.Hegot
dressedandsatdownandpul
ledmetosui
t
betweenhisl
egs.
Razor:
"letmedoyourhai
rbutdon'
ttel
lanyone"
Me:
"howdoyouknowhowt
odoi
t?"
Razor:"
Igrewupwi t
hmymot herwhoknewhowt o
dohairbutshenevergott
ohaveherhairbusi
ness.
Shewoulddopeople'shai
rinouroner
oom."
Iwonderhowi
t'
sli
ket
oli
vet
hatpoor
.
Me:
"wasi
tni
ce?"
Iaskedashet
ouchedmyhai
r.
Razor:
"what?"
Me:
"howwasi
tli
kegr
owi
ngupi
naoner
oom ?
"
Razor:
"wesur
vived.Ihust
ledandst
il
lhust
le.The
hust
legotmeabetterl
if
e"
Me:
"al
if
eincr
ime?"
Razor:
"it
'sei
theryouar
egift
edi
nschoolort
he
st
reet
s.Wherear eyougi
ft
ed"
Me:
"school"
Hechuckl
ed.
Razor:
"whatwasyouraver
agemar
k?"
Me:"myl owestwouldbe70%.Iwasr
eal
lygoodi
n
schooli
t'
sjustthi
ngshappened."
Hi
shandwassor
ebutnott
oomuch.
Razor:
"Isee."
Me:
"yeah."
Isi
ghed.
Razor:
"whenwegetoutofher
eIwi
llt
akeyout
o
t
hehood"
Me:
"and?
"
Razor:
"showyouthatt
hehoodshowsmor
eand
hasmoretoof
fert
hanyourEngl
ishl
if
e"
Me:
"that
'sani
nsul
t"
Razor:
"it
'st
het
rut
h"
Me:
"Idon'
twannabecomeahoodr
at"
Razor:
"youar
esayi
ngIam ahoodr
at?"
Me:"noIdon'
tmeani
tli
ket
hat,
Godt
hisi
s
f
rust
rat
ing"
Razor:
"shutup."
Idi
d.
Razor:
"lookwej
usthadourf
ir
stf
ight"
Me:
"ar
eweacoupl
e?"
Razor:
"nobutwej
usthadaf
ight"
Il
aughedandhej
oinedi
nwi
thasof
tchuckl
e.
Me:
"Iguesst
hen.
Ther
ewassil
entashecarr
iedondoi
ngmyhai
r,he
ki
ssedmyneckandIrest
edonhischest
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
36] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t65

*
UNATHI
*

Hefi
nishedwi
thmyhairandi
twassore.Whenwas
t
helastti
meIplai
tedmyhai
r.It
urnedtohim
t
ouchingmyhead.
Me:
"Youhaveaver
yst
ronghand."
Isai
dmovi
ngmyhead.Hechuckl
ed.
Razor:
"Iwor
kwi
tht
hese.Theyar
erough."
Me:
"Letmesee"
Hemyouthi
shandsandIr
anmyf
inger
soni
tand
i
twasr
ough.
Me:
"ar
ewegonnast
ayher
e?"
Razor:
"foradayort
wo"
Hestoodupandwentt owashhi
shandsonthe
l
it
tl
egreysink.Ever
ythi
ngwasdi
spl
ay.Thesink
andtoi
letaswell
.Thisli
fe.
Me:
"Whatar
eyoudoi
ngatt
hewomen'
ssi
de?"
Razor:
"It
oldyouangi
ni?(Di
dn'
tI?)
"
Me:
"Iam sor
ryt
oupsetyou"
Razor:
"Youl
ikepi
cki
ngaf
ight"
Me:
"sor
ry"
Razor:
"Justdon'
taski
rr
elevantquest
ions"
Me:
"Ihaveament
aldi
sor
der"
Heturnedandlookedatme.Idon'
tknow Iam
t
ell
inghimthi
s.
Razor:
"youar
ebi
pol
ar?"
Me:
"nott
hati
ll
ness"
Hechuckl
edandhookedhi
sar
m ar
oundme.My
headi
ssore.
Me:
"It
'sAt
tent
ionDef
ici
t."
Razor:
"Expl
ainf
urt
her
.Idon'
tknowt
heset
hings."
Me: "ithinkf
rom whattheDrsai dist
hatyoucan
getitfrom anearlyst
agesuchaschi l
dhoodor
adulthoodaswel l.Ei
therfrom t
raumati
c
experiencesorfail
edrelat
ionshi
ps."
Razor:
"That
'sj
ustbul
lshi
t"
Me:
",i
t'
snot"
Razor:"youar
elett
ingyoursel
fthi
nkthat.You
seem fi
neandfrom whatIhavecoll
ectedisthat
youjustall
owyoursel
ftobecrazy.Doesiteverki
ll
youtobehumbl eandlovi
ng?"
Me:
"ar
eyou?
"
Razor:
"ifiwasn'
tniceyouwouldn'
tbest
andi
ng
her
eandIwoul dn'
tbetalki
ngt
oyou"
Me:
"youl
ikeme"
Razor:
"yougetaheadofyour
sel
f.Don'
tdot
hat
shi
tbabygi
rl"
Hehel
dmywai
st.
Razor:
"Manqaza(comeki
ss)"
Iper
kedhi
sli
ps.Hei
sabul
lyshame.
Razor:
"Iam notababy"
Ishruggedandhecl i
ckedhistongueandki
ssedme.
Hei sanamazingkisser,Idon'twantt
oli
e.Icoul
d
feelhi
sthing.Ibr
okei tandl
ookedathim.
Razor:
"Ican'
twaitf
ort
hedayIwil
lfuckyouand
makeyouscream mynamethr
oughthiswhol
e
pr
ison"
Me:"t
hesuper
int
endentwi
lldomor
ethani
sol
ati
ng
you"
Hesmi
rkedandt
ouchedmycheek.
Razor:"don'
tyouwantt
hat,
mepumpi
nghar
dand
deepinsideyou?"
Hewhi
sper
edt
hel
astpar
tbymyear
.Iswal
lowed.
Me:
"I.
..
..
"
Iwasj
ustt
onguet
ied.
Razor:
"don'
twor
ry.Youwi
llevensi
ngmycl
an
names."
Hehassomuchconf
idencei
nhi
msel
f.Lookatme
t
alki
ngl
iket
hat
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Me:
"it
'sokIam her
e"
Isai
dasshest
il
lwasi
nmyembr
ace.Webr
okei
t.
Mercy:"Ifoundt hem i
nhisoff
iceaboutt
odot
he
deed.Ican'tbel
ieveIam afool"
Shethr
ewhersel
fonthecouch.Ilookedatherand
becamesi
lentj
ustt
oletherventoutherfeel
ings.
Mer
cy:
"Il
ovehi
m.If
eel
stupi
dforl
ovi
nghi
m"
Me:"thatmeansIam st
upidaswel
lforl
ovi
ng
Nt
ethelel
o.Iam st
upi
dforgoi
ngbacktohim and
l
ovinghim moreafterhehurtmebuthei snot.
Becauseheistryi
ngt opr
ovehowmuchhel oves
me.WhatIam sayi ngisthati
fsandil
edidn'
tprove
hi
sloveforyouandmadeyoucomf or
tablei
nyou
marri
agemnt asethenheisnotseri
ous"
Mer
cy:
"hi
sexmademeuncomf
ort
abl
e"
Me:"youshoul
dn'
tfeeluncomf or
table.Iam gl
ad
youwalkedawayfr
om allofthatstr
ess.Heis
undeci
dedandIdon'twantyouhur t
ing"
Shehuggedme.
Mer
cy:
"thankyou"
Me:
"Ial
wayshaveyourback"
Therewassil
enceandwebr
oket
hehugandshe
wipedhert
ears.
Mercy:
"Idon'
twantmybabyseeingmecry.Wher
e
i
stheli
tt
leAndi
swa?Ican'
tbel
ieveyouwer
e
pr
egnant"
Me:
"andIdi
dn'
tknow"
Mercy:
"youshoul
d'verecor
dedwhenyougave
bi
rt
h.Wecouldbetalki
ngaboutamil
li
onvi
ews."
Me:
"usur
ytmanj
e(youar
eoknow)
"
Shel
aughed.
Me:
"come"
Wegotupandmadeourwayupt
hest
air
s.
Mer
cy:
"wher
eisUnat
hi?"
Me:
"jai
l
Mercy:"
haiboyouspinki
ckedheroutoft
he
r
elat
ionshi
pintoj
ail
"
Me:"noman.ShestabbedmenowIwi
llhave
pr
oblemshavi
ngachil
dinfut
ure"
Mer
cy:"Yho.Youshoul
dhavespi
nki
ckedhert
o
t
hegravet
hen"
Me:
"youknowIcan'
tdot
hat"
Shechuckl
ed.
Mercy:
"youar
efei
stywhenyouwantt
o.Iknow
you"
Me:
"maybe"
Wegoti
nandt
heki
dswer
easl
eep.
Mer
cy:
"yougavebi
rt
htot
wins.Ncooh"
Shesai
drushi
ngt
othem.
Me:"Theyarel
iket
winsbasi
cal
lysi
ncet
heyar
e
bor
nont hesameday"
Mer
cy:
"wai
twhatdoyoumean?
"
Me:"Thel
it
tl
epr
incei
smi
ne.Thebabygi
rli
s
Unat
hi'
s"
Mer
cy:
",,
Ineverbel
ievedi
nwi
tchcr
aft,
thi
sisi
t"
Wel
aughedandspentsomet
imewi
tht
hebabi
es.
Wel
aughed.Wegott
othenur
ser
y.

.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ayanda:
"that
'snothowi
t'
sdone"
Me:
"Iam amedi
calst
udentnotaI
Tst
udent"
Ayanda:"Iam anIThonour
shol
deryetIknowt
hat
i
nstall
inganAndroi
dinahumanbodyisnotdone
l
ikethat"
Me:
"doi
tpl
ease"
Ilef
tthearm andhefol
dedhi sshir
tup.Sesethu
pull
edmyhand.Thi sprogram isdrai
ningmereal
ly.
It
'sbeentwomont hsatit,worsei
t'
slikeTr
ist
an'
s
i
nsecurit
iesareonster
oids.
Seset
hu:
"what
'supwi
thyouandbossher
e?"
Me:
"hesai
dIam doi
ngi
tal
lwr
ong"
Seset
hu:
"heknowswhathei
sdoi
ng"
Ihuf
fedandhef
ini
shed.
Ayanda:
"itt
akeshour
sofsur
ger
ybutt
hat
'show
youdoit
."
Iwentbacktowor k.Wheni twast
imetoleaveI
tookmyl abcoatandgogglesandmademywayout
oftheLabrotory.Igoti
ntheel
evat
orandAyanda
wasinsidewi t
hhispa.Shewasverybeauti
ful
.
Pa:
"yourdayi
scl
ear
edTomor
rowMrKhumal
o"
Ayanda:
"Iwon'
tbecomi
ngt
owor
ktomor
row"
Pa:"not
ed.Iwassil
ent
.Myphonevibrat
edand
theyl
ookedatme.It
ookitoutandi
t'
sTri
stan.
.
*
***
Iam out
side*
***
Ihuf
f.
Ayanda:
"pr
obl
em ?
"
Me:
"no."
Ifakedasmileandtheelevat
oropened.Iwal
ked
outfir
standwalkedoutthebuil
ding.Tr
ist
angot
outofhiscarandapproachedme.
Tr
ist
an:
"heybaby"
Me:
"hey"
Heper
kedmyl
ipsandl
ookedbehi
ndme.
Tr
ist
an:
"howwasyourday?"
Me:
'i
twasok"
IhavetoalwaysprepareTr
ist
anfetchi
ngmewhen
ever.Hejustannounceswhenheisoutsi
deorIsee
him getoutofthecar.
Tr
ist
an:
"comel
et'
sgo"
Wegoti nt
hecarandhewentt
ohissi
deandgoti
n
beforehedr
oveoff.Hehel
dmyhandashewas
dri
vingandIsmi
led.
Tr
ist
an:
"youknowIl
oveyour
ight?"
Me:
"Iknow.
"
Tr
ist
an:
"dowheni
sthi
spr
ogr
am endi
ng?"
Me:"wehaveamonthl
eftandt
hennextyearwe
ar
egonnahavei
tagai
n.
Tr
ist
an:
"byenextyearyouandmewi
llbemar
ri
ed"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowbout
..
..
"
Tr
ist
an:
"youar
edoubt
ingus?"
Me:
"no"
Iwasabi
t.
Me:
"noi
t'
sjustt
hatIam notr
eadyf
ormar
ri
age"
Tr
ist
an:
"oryouar
ewai
ti
ngf
orhi
m"
Me:
"whoi
sI'
m ?"
Hebecamesi
lent
.
Me:
"youar
enotgoi
ngt
oresTr
ist
an"
It
oldhi
m.Hei gnoredme.Ihuffed.Iwon'tnur
se
hi
m.Iwegott ohisplaceandheparkedthecarand
hegotout
.Isati
nt her
e.Iwantt
ogot ores.

Tr
ist
an:
"come"
Me:
"Iwantt
ogobackt
oresorbackt
her
e."
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwi
llt
akeyouback.ComeSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"no"
Hecl enchedhi
sjawsandjustwalkedoff.Isat
therewaiti
ngforhi
mt oret
urnandhedi dn'
taft
er3
mi nutesofwai
ti
ng.Igetoutleavi
ngmybagandI
l
ockupwi thmyphoneinmyhandandIgoupt ohi
s
place.IopenedthedoorandIcalledoutforhi
m.
Me:
"Tr
ist
anIwantt
ogo"
Heappearedf
rom t
hebedr
oom i
nsweat
s.Iwas
sweat
ingaswell
.
Tr
ist
an:
"Il
oveyouSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"IknowTr
ist
anbutIhavet
ogo"
Tr
ist
an:
"youl
ikehi
m ?"
Me:
"whoi
sthi
shi
m ?"
Tr
ist
an:
"ThatKhumal
oboy!"
Me:"i
fIl
ikedhi
m Iwouldbether
ewithhi
m.I
woul
dn'
thavebrokenourf
ri
endshipof
f"
Hest
eppedcl
oser
Tr
ist
an:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Hel
ookedabi
tof
f.
Me:
"Tr
ist
an"
HeslappedmeandIscr
eamedandhehel
dmy
neck.
Tr
ist
an:
"don'
tyoudar
escr
eam "
Hi
sgr
ipwast
ightbehi
ndme.
Me:
"youar
ehur
ti
ngme."
Mycheekwasbur
ning"
Tr
ist
an:
"yout
hinkIam af
oolSi
yamt
handa."
Me:
"noyouar
enot
.Idon'
tli
kehi
m"
Tri
stan:
"fr
om thehai
rchangest
othest
ylet
o
ever
ythi
ng.Youli
kehi
m"
Me:
"Idon'
t"
Tr
ist
an:
"st
opgoi
ngatt
hepr
ogr
am t
hen.Pr
ovei
t"
Me:
"butIwi
llf
aili
fIdon'
t"
Hepull
edmebymyhai randIcr
ied.Hesl
appedme
andIst
umbl edbef
orel
andi
ngmybodyonthefl
oor
andhekickedme.
Tr
ist
an:
"youdon'
tloveme!
"
Me:
"Tr
ist
anst
op"
Tri
stan:"Youwantt
oleavemel
ikeAndi
swadi
d
,j
ustli
keyourcousi
n"
Hekeptonhi
tt
ingme.Hehasslappedmebef
ore
butt
odayhewentbeyondt
hat.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
36] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t66

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Trist
an:"(cr
ying)Whydoyouwannadomel
ike
that?"
Hei ssi
ck.Hereal
lyisandIhavebeenwarnedbutI
wast oobli
nd.Icoughedsomebloodandcouldfeel
thatpai
nonmyr i
bs.Hestart
edpacingupand
down.Icoughed, heranhi
sfi
ngersthr
oughhishair
.
Tr
ist
an:"Lookwhatyoumademedo.Youcoul
d
j
ustl
ist
entomef oronce."
Hewentt othebedroom andIt
ookmyphone
str
ugglingandisentamessage***SOS* *
*With
thelocati
onandhecamebackandwentt othe
kit
chenandcamebackwi thahi
scarkeys.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam comi
ngback.Ineedsomeai
rbef
oreI
dosomet
hingIwi
llr
egr
et"
Heki ssedmyf oreheadandhewal kedoutoft he
apartmentl ocki ngmei nside.Thepainwast here
butst i
llbearable.Ikeptonchecki ngmyphoneand
nothingatt hemoment .Isatupagai nstt
he
count erandt ear srol
leddownmyeyes.Ibi tmy
bottom liptryingt osuppressmycr i
es.Ihave
neverbeenbeat enupbef ore.Letalonemom hi tt
ing
me.I t'salwaysbeenKhul uzaandneverbeat enme
i
nt hismannerwer ushedthingsandl ookwher eI
am.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Theki dshaveset t
leddownIhavej ustdonefeedi
ng
them andputt hem int
owar m cl
othesbeforethey
couldsleep.Mer cyret
ir
edear l
yduet oal
lthecryi
ng
anddevast at
ion,yepit'
sstil
lgoi
ngonandshest i
ll
hasn'twenttoDur ban.Wedi dgohomet hougha
l
itt
lewhi l
eanddadsai dt hatheisgivi
ngus3
mont hstogetourthi
ngsst r
aightandcomeback.
Hest i
llhassomebeef nyanawithNt et
helel
obuthe
i
sci vi
lwithhim wel
lbecauseIlovehi m. Ilooked
atthem andt heyl
ookedsocut e.Liketheywere
twins.Mainl
ybecauset heyhaveNt ethel
elo'
s
features.Iranmyhandont heirsoftcheek.
"Youshoul
dcomet
obed.Col
dnessmakest
he
woundworse"
It
urnedt
ohi
m andIsmi
led.
Me:
"Iam f
ine."
Hecamef
ort
handst
oodbesi
deme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyou."
Me:
"for?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"forl
ovi
ngus"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"it
'sonl
yfai
rbecauseyoul
ovemeback"
Hechuckl
edandhel
dhi
sheadandIputmyhand
onhi
sforehead.
Me:
"howi
stheheadache?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sok.Idi
ddr
inksomepai
nki
ll
ers."
Me:
"don'
tdr
inkt
oomuchoft
hem "
Henoddedandki
ssedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
eMbul
azi"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whycan'
tyoumar
ryme?"
Me:
"letmesee"
Isai
dtappi
ngmycheek.
Me:
"Ist
il
lhavegott
ogr
aduat
e.Getaj
ob.
..
..
."
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwon'
tst
andinthewayofyouwant
ing
t
oachievewhatyouwantt
oachieve"
Me:"Nt
ethel
elomar
ri
agei
snotaj
oke,
.Itr
equi
reda
l
ot."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iknow."
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me: "
wecangof ormarri
agecounseli
ngjustf
or
controlandgeti
deasofwhatweareputti
ng
ourselvesi
nwhenwemar ryinf
uture."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.
icanwor
kwi
tht
hat"
Me:
"theki
ds"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"wewi
llgowi
tht
hem.Theyar
eal
lowed
t
o"
Me:"yeahIdon'
twantt
oleavet
hem wi
thMer
cyi
n
suchastat
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ever
ythi
ngwi
llbeok"
Heki
ssesmyf
orehead.
Me:
"Ir
eal
lyhopeso"
West oodther
eandwat chedthekidssleepi
ng.I
l
eanedmyheadonhi schestandhewr appedhis
armsar oundmeandkissedmyf or
ehead.My
woundhasheal edbutwheni t
'scol
dandexposed
i
t'sverysoref
orsomer eason.IneedtoseeaDrfor
that
.
.
.
*
AYANDA*
Siyamt handatendstogetabi tdi
stractedbutf r
om
allofthatsheisreall
yashar pstudent .Ijustwent
todropof fmyPAatherr ankandIwasonmyway
drivi
nghome.Ist oppedattherobotasi twasred
andIt ookmyphonej usttochanget hesongt hat
waspl ayingwhenIsawamessagef rom
Siyamt handa.DidIforgetsomething?Iopenedi t
andi tsaid***
SOS* **thenthenameTr istan
foll
owed.
Me:
"whatdoessosmeanagai
n?"
Itriedtor emembert henitcli
ckedmeani nghel por
shei sindanger .Thecarsbehindmehoot edast he
robott urnedgr eenandIthrewmyphonei ntheseat
andt urnedt hecararoundanddr oveof finhigh
speed.Tr ist
anl i
vesattheothersidesoIhavet o
drivether e.Whati shedoingtoher?Isweari fIget
myhandsonhi m Iwil
lkil
lhim wi
thoutany
hesi t
ation.Ijustimagi
nedherscr eamingi ntrauma
andt hatmademybodyshakei nanger.If inally
reachedhi splaceandwentf l
yingoutofmycar .I
didn'tevenl ocknorclosethedoor .Ir
anupt he
staircaseandgott ohisapartmentdpprandIt r
ied
t
oopenbuti
twasl
ocked.
Me:
"Fuck!
"
Itookstepsbackandt
riedt
obr eakt
hedoordown.
Ididthatacoupl
eofti
mesbef orei
topenedandI
rushedinsi
deandmyshoest eppedonblood.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handa!"
IcouldhearsomeonecryingandIwentbythe
ki
tchenandsawherl ayi
ngont hef
loorhol
dingher
chest.Hebeatherupbadly.
Me:
"let
'sgo.Iam her
enow"
Ipi
ckedherupandshecr
iedst
ruggl
ingt
obr
eat
h.
Me:
"youneedt
hehospi
tal"
Shewassi lent.Iwentdownthestai
rswit
hherand
thenIputheri nthecarandgoti
nbeforedri
vingof
f
tothe.Hospital
.Ihopeher anawaybecauseunder
alloft
hisisamonst erinsi
de.
Me:
"shhi
t'
sgonnabeok"
Shecoughedsomebl
ood.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Razor:
"That
'sgood"
Ipl
acedmyhandonhi schestandIswayedmy
wai
stmovinginanupanddownmot i
ononhiscock.
Hewaslooki
ngatmebutIcl osedmyeyesaf
tera
whi
leli
cki
ngmyl i
ps.
Me:
"mmhhh"
Razor:
"speedupabi
t"
Istart
edtoincreasemypaceabi tandheheldmy
waist.Thewayhi sgripwasgetti
ngstronger,I
knewhewasaboutt ospi
ll.Iwentfasterashe
cursedandher eleasedhisjui
ces.Igotoffhi
m and
l
aidnexttohim onhi schestonthissingl
ebed.If
that'
swhatit'
scal l
ed.
Razor:
"thatwasgood"
Me:
"Wheni
smynexti
nject
ionappoi
ntment?"
Razor:
"tomor
row"
Inodded.Iwascat
chi
ngmybr
eat
habi
t.
Me:
"how.Doyoudoi
t?"
Razor:
"what?"
Me:"getacellofyourown.Aroom l
ikethi
sforus
tohavethosepri
vatemomentsevenifit
'snotsex
andtobackoffeveryonef
rom meandyouar ejust
oneman"
Razor:
"ifIt
ellyoumysecr
etyouwi
llhavet
odi
e"
Il
aughedandhedi
daswel
l.
Me:
"If
eell
ikeIam gr
owi
ng."
Hedr
ewpat
ter
nsonmyback.
Razor:
"howso?
"
Me:
"ment
all
y.If
eel
li
keIam changi
ng.
Razor:
"forgood"
Me:"yeah.Iam t
ryi
ngt
obet
termysel
fformy
daught
er"
Razor:
"whenwi
llImeether?"
Me:
"who?"
Razor:
"ourdaught
er"
Ir
aisedmybr
owat"our"
Me:
"di
dyousayourdaught
er?"
Razor:"Idi
dn'
tst
utt
er.Youl
iket
omakemer
epeat
somethingwhenyouknowIhateit"
Me:
"aski
es(sor
ry)Idon'
tknow"
Razor:
"hopef
ull
ywhenwegetout"
Me:
"thisi
sasexthi
ngr
ight
.Whyar
ewei
nvol
ving
mydaught
erher
e"
Razor:
"thi
nkwhatyouwantt
othi
nk."
Ikeptqui
etandhi
shandwasmaki
ngmeshi
ver
.
Me:
"doyouhaveachi
ld?"
Razor:
"NoIdon'
t.Idon'
thavet
imef
orbaby
Mama's."
Me:
"andher
eIt
hinkyouhave5t
hemost"
Razor:
"(chuckl
ing)No.Idon'
thaveone."
Hebi
thi
sbot
tom l
ipandIsatup.
Me:
"Ishoul
dgetcl
eanedupanddr
essed.
Razor:
."Ourt
imei
snotover"
Me:
"theymi
ghtwal
kinonus."
Razor:
,
"Isai
dourt
imei
snotoverUnat
hi"
Hepulledmetohim andki
ssedmyl i
psandI
ret
urnedit
.Hesqueezedmybuttandhisonef
inger
sli
ppedinmybodyjarandheslowlythr
ust
edit
.
Me:
"ah"
Razor:
"Letmehandl
eever
ythi
ng"
Inodded
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*
_
___
__

Andi
swa: "NownowMntungwa,sitdownsoyou
caneatthenaf
teryouwi
llgetamassageandthen
wesleep"
Me:
"Whatdi
dIdot
odeser
veyou?"
Shesmi l
ed.That
'saquest
ionformyselfandGodas
well
.SheamazesmeEver yti
me.Isitdownonthe
highchai
randshehandsthef oodovertomeand
shesit
snexttomeandshecl oseshereyeswhil
eI
watchher.
Andi
swa:"blesstheprovi
derof
fthi
sfood,t
he
manufact
urers,
theonewhoboughtitandtheone
whomadei t.Bl
essthosewhodon'thaveaswell
in
t
henameofJesusChr istAmen"
Me:
"Amen"
_
___
___
___
___
__
Myheadhasbeenhurti
nganditookpi
ll
sright
befor
eweslept
.Iwokeuptot
hatimageplayingin
mymi ndandmyheadwasthrobbi
ng.Iswitchedon
thesi
delampandAndiswawokeupaswel lrubbi
ng
hereyes.
Andi
swa:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:"yeah,
justt
heheadache.Isawl
ikeavi
sionof
somethi
ng"
Andi
swa:
"it
'syourmemor
ycomi
ngback.Letme
gogetwat
erf
oryou"
Shegotof
fthebedandwalkedout.Myphoner
ang
andIt
ookitanditwasAyanda.Ianswer
ed.
Me:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Ayanda:
"Tr
ist
anbeatupSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"what?"
Ayanda:"
manIam goi
ngcrazy.Iam att
hehospit
al.
If
eelangryatt
hesameti
meIj ustf
eelli
kecr
ying"
Me:
"don'
tcr
y.Iwi
llbet
her
e"
Ayanda:
"noi
t'
sfi
ne.St
aywi
thAndi
swaandt
he
ki
ds"
Me:
"keepusupdat
ed.Iwi
llseeyoui
nthemor
ning
"
Ayanda:
"thanks"
Hehungup.Iam notgonnabeinvol
ved.Mai
becauseIwi
llendupi
nayanda'
sbadsideifIdo.
Andiswacamebackandshegavemet hewaterand
pi
ll
s.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handai
satt
hehospi
tal
"
Andi
swa:
"whatwhy?Let
'sgo"
Me:
"theki
ds.Shewasbeat
enupbyTr
ist
an"
Andi
swa:
"ohmyGodIcan'
tbel
ieveshedi
dthat"
Me:
"yeah"
Andi
swa:
"can'
twegoseeher?Shemustbeal
one
"
Me:
"shei
swi
thAyanda.Don'
twor
ry"
Andi
swa:"
oouhIdon'
twantt
odi
stur
bthei
rmoment
whenshewakesup"
Me:
"let
'shaveourmoment
"
Iki
ssedherl
ips.
Andi
swa:
"wher
edowest
art"
Shesaidwi
thasmi l
eandIkissedherli
psandshe
giggl
edwhi
leIgotontopofher.Shecover
edher
face.
Me:
"Iwantt
oseeyousmi
le"
SheshookherheadandIr
emovedt
hem andki
ssed
her
.
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oosugarpl
um "
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
36] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t67

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Iwaswokenupbythescentofdi
sinf
ect
antstr
ongly
onmynose.Thesoundofmachinesweretheones
thatal
sowokemeup.Myheadwashur ti
ngabi t
andsoasmychest.Mybodyf el
tver
yheavy.I
openedmyeyesandIl
ookedaroundandIwasi n
t
hehospi
tal
.
"Iam sogl
adyouar
eawake.Letmegogett
heDr"
Icouldn'
tseewhothatwas.Itr
iedtomovemy
headbuttheheadachecamebackagainandIjust
stayedinmyposit
ion.Thefoot
stepscameinand
theDrshownat or
chintomyeyesandIclosed
them abit
.
Dr:
"Pl
easeopenyoureyes."
Ididandhestar
tedchecki
nguponmewi tht
he
stet
hoscopeandall
.Hef i
nishedandt
ookaf
il
e
andwr ot
esomethi
ngdown.
Dr:"Iwi
llbebacklat
erontocheckuponyougi
ve
youthefinalsayonhowyouare"
Inoddedandhewal kedout
.Ayanda'
sface
appeared.Idi
dn'
tthi
nkhewoul
dcomet omyreduce
aft
ereverythi
ng.
Me:
"I.
..
I..
."
Mythroatwasver
yscr
atchy.Hetookt
hewaterand
hehel
pedmydr i
nkandthenki
ssedmyfor
ehead
af
ter
.
Ayanda:
"youwi
llbeok"
Me:
",t
hankyou"
Hebecamesi
lentandputhandsi
nhi
spocket.
Ayanda:
"ar
eyougonnagobackt
ohi
m ?"
Ishookmyhead
Me:
"no"
Henodded.
.
.
*
MERCY*
Iwasont
hephonewi
thmydaught
er.Ir
eal
lymi
ss
her
.
Yol
anda:
"Daddycr
ies,
missyoumommy"
Ismi
ledandt
ouchedt
hescr
eenseei
ngherf
ace.
Me:
"Mommywi
llbebackokbaby"
Yol
anda:
'ok.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Shewal
kedof
fandgaveherf
athert
hephone.
Me:
"Iwi
llcomet
akeYol
anda"
Sandi
le:
"Iam mi
ser
abl
eMer
cy.Ineedyou"
Hedi
dlookmi
ser
abl
e.
Me:
"Iwi
llcomedownandseeher
."
Sandil
e:"Iam sor
rywecanmaket hi
swork.Iam
goi
ngt oprovetoyou.Yol
andaneedsbot
hofher
parent
s"
Me:
"Sandi
le"
Isi
ghedwhi
lecl
osi
ngmyeyes.
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cypl
ease"
Me:
"wewi
llt
alkl
ater
."
Sandi
le:
"ok.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Hesmil
edandIdidaswellbefor
ehangingup
si
ghi
ng.Therewasaknockont hedoorand
Andi
swapeakedi
nwhil
ecar ryi
ngbabyNJ.
Andi
swa:
"wear
egoi
ngoutf
orcounci
li
ngwi
tht
he
ki
ds.Ij
ustwant
edt
ocheckuponyou"
Me:
"Iam f
ine.I
t'
sok.Iwi
lll
eavet
hisweekend"
Andi
swa:
"oh"
Shewasn'
tsur
eofheranswer
.Ismi
led.
Me:
"Imi
ssYol
anda"
Andi
swa:"ver
yunderst
andabl
e.I
t'
sokreal
lyyou
don'
thavet
orepor
ttome.Aslongasyouarehappy
"
Ismi
le.
Me:
"thankyou"
Andi
swa:
"byeaunt
yMer
cy"
Me:
"byebabi
es."
Iwavedandt heywalkedoutclosi
ngt hedoor
.I
si
ghedandr ested.Isitst
upidofmet owanttogo
back?BecauseIr eall
ymisshim somuch.If i
nd
myselfscr
oll
ingonmyphoneandl ooki
ngatour
weddingpict
uresandasmi l
ecreptuponmyf ace.
Theamountofl oveIhaveandhadovert heyears.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwentdownthestai
rswi t
hZi khalii
nmyar msandI
tookt
hebabybagbef or
egoi ngout .Ntethelel
owas
buckl
ingupLethoontohercarseat .Assoonashe
wasdoneIhandedZikhaliovert ohim andhe
buckl
edherupagainbeforewecl osedthedoorand
l
ookedateachotherbeforechuckl i
ng.Firstdayout
witht
hekidsandIwonderhowi tisgoingtobel i
ke.
Wegotinthecaranddroveof f
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wher
ear
ewest
art
ingagai
n?"
Me:
"counci
li
ngandr
ightaf
terwegot
othehospi
tal
.
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wi
llt
heki
dsbeal
lowed?"
Me:"Idon'
tknow.Wej
usthavet
ohavehi
ghhopes
It
hink"
Ishr
uggedandLet
host
art
edcr
ying.
Ntet
helel
o:"coul
dn'
tshewai
tti
llwer
eachedout
dest
inati
on"
Ishr
uggedandheshookhi
shead.
Me:
"youwi
llbest
rong"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
twantt
obe."
SoonafterZi
khal
ijoi
nedi
nandNt
ethel
elost
opped
thecar
.
Me:
"her
egoest
opar
ent
ing"
Hecli
ckedhi
stongueandIl
aughedbef
orewegot
outandwentt
othebacktocheckuponthem.
.
.
*SI
YAMTHANDA*

Iwasgivenpi
llsandIdrankthem af
terIhaveeaten
fort
hepain.Ayandawasst i
lli
nyesterday'
scl
othes
andIonlynot
icedthatr
ightnow.
Me:
"youdi
dn'
tgohome?"
Ayanda:
"mmhhh"
Me:
"gohomeandr
est"
Ayanda:"Iwil
lrestwhenyouar
eokandIf
indhi
m
andkil
lhim wi
thmyownhands"
Me:
"i
tnotwor
thi
t"
Ayanda:
"hashel
aidhi
shandonyoubef
ore"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ipandl
ookedaway.
Ayanda:
"NgikubuzaumbuzoSiyamt
handa(Iam
aski
ngaquesti
onSiyamthanda)"
Me:
"hehassl
appedmebef
orenot
hingmaj
or"
Ayanda:
"andyoust
ayedf
ort
hat!"
Me:
"Itwasj
ustasi
ll
ysl
ap"
Ayanda:
"it
smor
ethant
hatSi
yamt
handa!"
Myheadhur
tal
it
tl
e
Me:
"cal
m downAyandaIam oknow"
Ayanda:
"butIam not"
Hetur
nedar
oundandki
ckedt
hechai
rinf
rontof
hi
m.
Ayanda:
"FuckSi
yamt
handadoyouknowhow
pi
ssedof
fIam "
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ayanda:"Iam pi
ssedof
fatmysel
fandyou.Iam
pissedof
fatGod, i
fHegaveyoutomefir
stnonof
thatwoul
dhavehappened."
Hejustwalkedoutaftert
hat.Hest il
lhasf eel
ings
forme.?Heseemedemot i
onalatthesamet i
me
makingmeemot i
onal.Ij
ustsatthereinthought s
andhopest hathemightwalkrightbackinany
minutebuthedidn't
.Isighedandl ai
dmyhead
downr ef
lecti
ngwhereeverythi
ngwentwr ong
betweenmeandTr i
stan.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wegott othetherapi
stoff
iceandweplacedour
chi
ldreninthei
rcarseatsdownbefor
ewedi dan
necessaryint
roducti
ons.
Dr:
"Goodday,
Iam goi
ngt
obeyourt
her
api
stDrF.
Smi
th"
Me:"hi.Iam Andi
swaBhenguandt
hisi
s
Nt
ethelel
oKhumaloandourki
ds,Let
hokuhl
eand
Zi
khaliKhumalo"
Dr:"wonderf
ul.Sohowl
onghaveyouguyshave
beentoget
her"
Wel
ookedateachot
her
.
Me:
"Wear
eheadi
ngf
orayearnow."
Isai
dwi
thasmi
le.
Dr:"howwouldyoudi
scr
ibeyourr
elati
onship
t
hroughoutt
heti
meyouhavebeent ogether
.?"
Me:
"Tough"
Shel
ookedatNt
ethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ithasi
tsupsanddowns."
Dr:
"yesyouar
eri
ght
.Whatmadeyoudeci
det
oget
marr
iedt
oeachot
her?"
Me:"wearenotengagedthi
nki
ngaboutmar
ri
age
wearej
ustbei
ngitbefor
ehand"
Dr:
"wi
sedeci
sion."
Shesai
dandwr
otedownonhernot
epad.
Dr:"Ntethel
elotellmeaboutwhatki
ndofwoman
Andiswai st
oyou.Whatyouhaveobser vedi
nher
si
ncet hebeggingofyouboth'sr
elat
ionshipt
o
wherewear ewi thkids."
Ntethel
elo:
"Andiswaisana!axi
ngwoman.She
somehowcompl et
esme.Sher espectsmewhichI
l
oveasIr espectheraswell
.Sheislovi
ngand
cari
ngandourdaught erhasamot herwhoi
smyex
wifeandAndiswai swil
li
ngtorai
seher"
Dr:
"wher
eisyourexwi
fe?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"jai
l"
Dr:
"for?"
Nt
ethel
elol
ookedatme.
Me:"thekidswer
ebor
ninthesamedaysoshe
di
dn'
ttakethenewswel
lwhenshefoundout
Nt
ethelel
ohasasonandst
abbedme."
Dr:"woundi
ng,(shej
ott
eddown)
Wer
eyoua
mistr
essatt
hatti
me?"
Thatwor
d.I
tmakesmef
eel
li
keIam si
nni
nga
t
housandt
imes.
Me:"yes.Wi
thoutmyknowl
edgeunt
ilt
heDur
ban
Jul
y"
Shewr
otedown.
Dr:
"whathappenedatt
heDur
banJul
y"
Me:
"it
'st
hedayIf
oundoutNt
ethel
eloi
smar
ri
ed"
Dr:
"andyoust
ayed?"
Me:
"yes"
Dr:
"whywhent
her
ewasanot
herwoman?
"
Shef
ixeshergl
asses.
Me:"Iwasangr
yathi
m butitf
eltl
iket
hemor
eI
wasangryt
hemoreImissedandlovedhi
m"
Dr:
"Youl
ovehi
m?"
Me:
"yesIdo"
Nt
ethel
elohel
dmyhandandki
ssedi
t.Ismi
ledat
hi
m.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
37] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t68

*TRI
STAN*

Icamebackt omyapar t
mentt ofindt hedoor
brokendownandSi yamthandawasn' tthere.Iwas
angry.Soshewentt ohi
m whenshesai dsheloves
me?Whydoesshedomel iket hat?Iwentt ocheck
heratherresandt heysaidt heydon' tknowher .
Evenf r
om theyprogram theylastsawhert heday
thi
ngsspi r
aledoutofcont r
ol.Inevermentt ohar m
her,Ilovehersomuch, whycan' tsheunder stand
that?If et
chedAmberbecauseshehasbeen
naggingaboutcomi nghome.Iam t hinkingofways
IgetSiyamthandaback.Iapol ogi sedsowhat '
s
mor edoesshewant s.Herandhercousi nAndi swa
arecutfr
om thesamecloth.If
indmysel
fangr
y
andthrowtheremotet
ot heTVanditst
opsworki
ng.
Me:
"Fuck!
"
Amber:
"daddyar
eyouok?"
Shesaidwakingfr
om heraf
ter
noonnapwhi
le
hol
dingherdoll
.
Me:
"(smi
li
ng)yeahdaddyi
sok.Comeher
e"
Shecamet
owar
dsmeandIpl
acedheronmyl
ap.
Me:
"KeaO'
rat
aLer
atol
aka(Il
oveyoumyl
ove)
"
Amber:
"lennapapakeaO'
rat
a(Il
oveyout
oodad.
)"
Sher
est
edherhead-
onmeandIki
ssedi
t
Me:
"Iwi
llf
indamommyf
oryou"
Therewasaknockont hedoor.Ihopeit
'snotmom
becauseIam noti
nt hemoodf orher.Thelandlor
d
hadputanewdoorasapandIhadt opayf ori
t.I
wenttoopenthedoorandIwasmetbyapunch.I
stumbledbackabitbutregai
nedmybal ance.
Me:
"babygot
oyourr
oom "
Shej
umpedof
fthecouchandwentt
oherr
oom.
Me:
"Khumal
o"
Heswingedanotherpunchandwasabouttoswi ng
hi
sbatbutheletitgoandrol
leduphi
st-shir
t.
Bl
oodcameoutofmynoseandi twasthrobbing.
Ayanda:"Iam goi
ngt
oteachyout
oneverrai
se
yourhandonawoman.Evenyourdaughterwhen
yourepri
mandher."
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Iam notscar
edofyou"
Ayanda:"Yaingobausufi
kel
wauntangamanj
eboi
(yeah,becauseyouhaveyouragematet
obeatyou
up.)"
Hethr
ewi nanotherpunchandt
hrewi
nanot
her
bef
oreIcandefendmyself.
Ayanda:
"comeon.Beatmeupl
ikehowyoubeat
Si
yamthandaup"
HethrewinanotherandIl
ostbal
anceandlanded
onthefl
oorbeforehewentdownwi t
hmeaf t
er
ki
ckingmeonmyr i
bcage.HestoppedwhenIfel
tit
wast
oomuch.
Ayanda:
"Iam notdone.Thi
sisjustawar
m up.You
knowSquart
s.Therealworkwil
lcomeinl
ater
."
Hecli
ckedhi
stongueandtookhi
sbatandwal
ked
out.
Damnhemessedmeup.Icoughedand
bl
oodedcameout.Igroanedi
npain.
Me:
"Fuck!"
It
ri
edt
ogetupandi
twasabi
tofast
ruggl
e.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Dr:
"Youl
ovehi
m ?"
Me:
"yesIdol
ovehi
m"
Shej
ott
edt
hatdown.
Dr:
"doyouMrKhumal
oloveMsBhenguher
e?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"somuch"
Dr:
"inr
elat
ionshi
psAndmar
ri
ageaswel
li
t
requir
escommuni
cati
on,tr
anspar
ency,whi
chfal
ls
underhonest
yandLoyal
tyaswell
.Notonl
ove
alone."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"weunder
stand"
Welookedateachotherwhi
leholdi
nghands.
Zi
khal
iwasjustsucki
nghispacif
ierwi
thhi
seyes
openwhil
eLethowasasleep.
Dr:"beforewecarr
yonwi t
ht hel
it
tl
et i
mewehave
l
efttogetherwhati
sonethingyouwoul dli
ketoget
of
fyourchest .Weareworkingonst art
ingaclean
sl
atenow."
Il
ookedatNt
ethel
elo.
Ntet
helel
o:"Iam sor
ryIwasn'thonestwi
thyou
si
ncethebeginni
ngandforhur t
ingyouinthe
pr
ocess.Iam sorryf
orUnathistabbi
ngyouand
l
imit
ingyourchanceofconceivi
ngagain."
Me:
"If
orgi
veyou"
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Dr:
"it
'syourt
urnnowmi
ss"
Me:
"i.
..
.I
..
"
Theybot
hlookedatme.
Me:
"(cl
eart
hroat)Iam sor
ry.Isl
eptwi
thTr
ist
an"
Il
ookedatNt
ethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Excuseme?
"
Hecl
osedhi
seyeslikehewantsmetorepeatme
t
hatagai
nwhil
eti
lt
inghisheadfor
war
d.
Me:
"Isl
eptwi
thTr
ist
an"
Dr:
"whoi
sTr
ist
an?
"
Me:
"myf
ormermanager
."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
hinkweshoul
dleave"
Me:
"letmeexpl
ain"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Thankyoudoc"
Dr:
"Thur
sdayi
syounextappoi
ntment"
Ist
oodupt
oowhi
lehet
ookt
heki
ds.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Hewal kedoutandItookthebagsandIwalkedout
aswell.Iwenttothecarandhewasf i
nishi
ng
buckl
ingupt heki
ds.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"geti
nthecarAndi
swa"
Me:
"Wai
tletmeexpl
ain"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whati
sther
etoexpl
ain?
"
Ipi
nnedhi
m ont
hecar
.
Me:"wewer
enottoget
her
.Itwasmont
hsaf
terwe
br
okeupand..
.AndIwasweak"
Ntet
helel
o:"t
hefactthatmysonwasi
nther
ewhi
le
yousleptwi
thhi
m disgustsme"
Thel
ookonhi
sfacesai
dso.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"geti
noryouar
est
ayi
ng"
Hesai
dremovinghi
msel
ffr
om mygr
ipandgoti
n
t
hecar.Isi
ghedandwentt
ogeti
nsi
de.Hest
art
ed
t
hecaranddroveof
f.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

f
inal
lyAyandawentt
ochangeonl
ybecausehesai
d
hehassomet hingtotakecar eof.Iguessi t'
swor k.
Idon'twantMalumeMel usiknowingIam her eso
asmom andKhul uzacauset hosetwowi llcome
from Kznandflythroughthesedoor sshout ing.I
hadal r
eadyeatenthishorri
blefoodbutt hecomf ort
ofthishospi
talisbett
erthanpubl i
ctreat
mentand
thenursesarenice.Iwasscr ol
li
ngthrought hetv
andIdon'thaveheadphonest oli
stentothesound
soIjustreadthesubtitl
es.Ifeelsomeonel ooking
atmeandIl ookedatt heentranceandhewal kedin
furt
her.
Ayanda:
"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?"
Me:
"(swal
lowi
ng)abi
tbet
ter"
Henoddedaswel
l.
Me:
"Iam sor
ryf
orwhatIsai
dwhenwewer
einKzn
"
Ayanda:
"haveyout
houghtabouti
t?"
Me:
"what?"
Ayanda:
"IloveyouSiyamthandaandIam t
ryi
ngto
keepmydistanceandit
'shurt
ingmebutIwantyou
happy"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Il
ookedf
orhappi
nessi
nthewr
ongpl
ace"
Ayanda:
"weal
ldo."
Heplaceshi
shandonmycheekandki
ssesmy
f
orehead.
Ayanda:"Iwantyour
ecover
edandwor
kingont
hat
Androi
d"
Me:
"youar
egi
vingmehar
dti
me."
Ayanda:
"Iam t
rai
ningyourmi
nd"
Me:
"ri
ght"
Wel
aughedandhehel
dmyhand.
Ayanda:
"Iam her
easaf
ri
end"
Thatsoundedandt
ast
edbi
tt
erwhenIswal
lowedi
t.
Whyisthat?
Me:
"thankyou"
Ipl
ast
eredabi
gsmi
let
houghIknowi
t'
sfake.
Ayanda:
"youar
etor
tur
ingyour
sel
fwi
tht
hatdol
l
smi
le"
Ne:
"it
swhat?"
Ayanda:"i
t'
sfake.Iam notgoi
nginar el
ati
onshi
p
wit
hyouSiyamt handayouneedtoheal,IknowI
sai
dIloveyouandIdobutyouj ustneedyourti
me"
Me:
"ok"
Henoddedandwesatt herechatt
ingandwewere
talki
ngaboutmusi caswell.hest
ayedwit
hmet i
llI
slept.WellIaskedhimtocuddlemesoIcansleep
andIf el
tsafe.Hisbr
eat
hhi tsowarmlyonmyneck
asIwentt orestwhil
ehisarmsactedli
keaguard
war mer.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
37] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t69
WegothomeanhouragoandNt ethel
elohasn't
saidanythi
ng,insteadhehascl osedhimselfinhis
study.IputthekidstosleepandIwentdownt he
stai
r sandgotohi sstudyIdi
dn'tknockbecause
reall
yIdon'tunderstandwhyishemad?Iwasn' t
datinghim andIdidn'tknowaboutt hepregnancy
asmuchashi m.Hel i
ft
shisheadupandist and
i
nf r
ontofhiml ookingathim.
Me:"It
hinkyouar
ebeingunfai
randbei
ng
dr
amati
cabouteveryt
hing"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yousl
eptwi
thhi
m"
Me:"yesIdi
dandIam notgoingtohideitbecause
i
tsnouse.You,youpl
ayedmeandIf orsureknow
youchowedmeandUnat hiatthesametime"
Hekeptqui
et.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whenwast
his?"
Me:
"uhm t
het
imeyouwer
eatt
hehospi
tal"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idon'
tli
keTr
ist
an"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tsayt
hatIl
ovehi
m af
tert
hat"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e"
Iwentt
ohi
m andhesatmeonhi
slap.
Me:
"youhavedr
amaoversomet
hingsmal
l"
Ntet
helel
o:"Idon'
tli
keit
.Thethoughtofhi
m
f
uckingyouj ustmakesmybloodboil"
Me:cal
m down.Ar
eyouhungr
y?"
Henoddedli
keaki
dandIl
aughedandhewr
apped
hi
sarmsaroundmywai
st.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
Ikissedhi
sli
psbef
oreget
ti
ngupandgoi
ngt
ocook
forhim.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Igotabi
tbusywit
hworkwhentheheadachecame
back.I
twasstr
ongandunbear
ablet
hatIcouldn'
t
keeponworkinganymore.Ist
oodupandIwentt
o
theki
tchenandAndiswawasmakingfood.
Andi
swa:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"it
'st
heheadache"
Andi
swa:
"weneedt
oseeaDr
.Whati
fit
'sser
ious.
?"
Me:"Iam goi
ngtobefi
ne.Ij
ustneedt
odr
ink
medicat
ionandsl
eep."
Andi
swa:"youcan'
tonanemptystomach.SitIwi
ll
makeasandwichbuttomorr
owyouaregoingto
seeaDrandIam notaski
ngbutt
ell
ingyou"
Ichuckl
edsof
tl
ywhi
lehol
dingmyheadather
author
it
y.
Me:
"Yesmom "
Andi
swa:
"eatupher
e"
Shehandedmeasandwi chandIt ookitandate
whil
eshemovedar oundtheki
tchen.Ilookedather
andimaginedwhenshehasmyr i
ngandIcal lher
mywi f
e,ourki
dsgrownupandr unninginsidethe
ki
tchenbecauset
heyhaveami sunderstandingand
shebringsouthersmi l
etothem andmake
ever
ythingfeelok.That '
sahome.Thi ski
tchenfit
s
hersoperfectl
y.EvenwhenIgohomeIwi llhavea
someonewhowi lltakecareofmewhi l
eIam with
themen.Il oveAndi swa.Shejustmakesmef eel
complete.sheturnedandl ookedatmewithaf r
own.
Andi
swa:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yeahIam "
Andi
swa:
"youar
est
ari
ngt
oomuch."
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"youar
emi
nesoIhavet
ost
are"
Andi
swa:
"Fi
nishup"
Shesai
dblushingandIchuckledbeforefini
shi
ng
upthesandwichandIt
ookt hepainkil
ler
sand
deci
dedtostaywit
hherinthekitchen.
.
.
*
AYANDA*
Istaredatherasshesl eptandIendedupsl eeping
aswel l.Iwokeupf i
rstandshewasst i
llasl
eep.I
tookoutmyphonet ochecki fIdon'thaveany
messagesandonl yonef r om Zamanir emindingus
aboutgoi ngtocheckt hepr ogressofourbui ldi
ng.I
putitawayandl ookedather .Shelookspeacef ul.
Youcan' tseethemar ksbuti t'
sabi tpurple.My
angerr i
sesasIranmyf i
ngeronherf ace.It
'ssoft
aswel lwithali
tt
leunnot iceablescaronher
forehead.Ikisshercheekandsi gh.
Me:
"whatar
eyoudoi
ngt
omeSi
yamt
handa?
"
Shewasst
il
lsi
lenti
nhersl
eep.Shegotper
fect
lyi
n
myarms.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Ihavejustgot
tenbackfrom t
heangermanagement
grouphereinpri
son.Razorforcedmei
ntothem so
Ihavetotakethem j
ustnottomesswit
hhim.Also
Ihavet
akent
heti
metodoalotoft
hingsIdi
dn'
tdo
whil
ebusywi
thmyshoppi
ng.
"Bar
biegal"
Thatnamehasn'
tdi
ed.It
urnedandl
ookedatt
he
warden.
War
den:
"youhaveavi
sit
or"
Iputt
hebl anketdownandwentt owardsherand
shecuffedmeupbef orewewal kedout.Bei
ng
chai
nedwassomet hi
ngIhadt ogetusedtobutthe
bri
ghtsideisthatIam tr
eatedwell
.Al
lbecauseof
Razor.Wegoti nt
oar oom andsheuncuff
edmeand
Il
ookedatherasshesmi ledandrantohugme.
Zama:"Ihear
dandcoul
dn'
tbel
ievei
t.Iasked
Londi
etocomebutshesai
dsheisbusy"
Me:
"oh"
Shecouldseemyf acial
.Busywithwhat,?
Shopping.Real
lyIhavetotakeLondi
eoutofmy
heartbecausef
rom allt
hatIhavetol
drazorhesai
d
Ishouldcuther
.Sheisasnake.
Me:
"thankyouf
orcomi
ng"
Wesatdownopposi
teeachot
her
.
Zama:
"howar
eyouhol
dingup?"
Me:
"good.Pr
ett
ygood.Iam l
ear
ningt
odealwi
th
mydemons"
Zama:"that
'sgood.Takei
tadayatat
ime.Don'
t
rushi
t,youwil
lbeok"
Inodded.
Me:
"Howi
sNt
ethel
elo?"
Zama:
"hei
sgood.Hei
sgai
ningsomei
fhi
s
memor
yaswel
l"
Me:
"Let
ho?"
Shetookoutherphonesmili
ngandthenscr
oll
edon
i
tbeforehandi
ngitt
omeandmybabyl ooks
chubbyandcute.Atearescapedf
rom myeye
whenIsawmydaught er.
Zama:"Andi
swaisfeedingheral
otandsheseems
happyaswel
l.Shei
sal augher"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Me:
"doyouhaveaphysi
calphot
o?"
Zama:
"Andi swat
houghtyoumi
ghtwantoneso
shewi
llsendever
ymonthaphot
oofLetho"
Me:
"tr
eatherwel
l."
Zama: "shel
ovesyourdaughter.Youmessedup
butsheisnotpunishi
ngyourdaughterforyoursi
ns.
ShelovesyourdaughterIt
hinksheloveshermore
thanherson"
Me:"Ishoul
dn'
thavedoneherl
iket
hat
.Nt
ethel
elo
i
stheonewhowr ongedme"
Zama:"youbot
hwer ewr
ong.Andi
swabecamea
vi
cti
minalloft
his"
Shehandedt
hephot
otome.
Me:
"thankyou,
forcomi
ngaswel
l"
Zama:"
(smi
li
ng)Iam yourf
ri
end.Thr
ought
hick
andt
hin"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
.West
oodupandhuggedagai
n.
Zama:
"Ihavet
ogo.Iwi
llseeyou"
Shekissedmycheekandshewal kedout
.Istood
ther
eandl ookedatmydaught
erandsmiled.
iputi
t
i
n!ypocketbef
oret
hewar
dencomesandt
akesme
away.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Iopenedmyeyesafteragr
eatsl
eepandIf
eel
warmerthanbef
ore.
"Fi
nal
lyyouar
eawake"
It
urnedandImetAyanda'
schest
Me:
"IguessIwast
ir
ed."
Ayanda:
"Iwasget
ti
ngt
ir
edofl
ooki
ngatyou"
Me:
"that
'scr
eepy,
whywer
eyoul
ooki
ngatme?"
Ayanda:
"Iwasboss"
If
rownedandhechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Ij
ustl
ikel
ooki
ngatyou"
Me:
"whenam Ibei
ngdi
schar
ged?"
Ayanda:
"Tomor
row"
Me:
"Iam mi
ssi
ngout"
Ayanda:"youwi
llr
ecover.Letmegogetyoupr
oper
food.Youwil
ldi
efrom t
hef oodf
rom her
e"
Il
aughedandhegotof
fthebedandwor
ehi
sshoes
andtookhi
swall
et.
Ayanda:
"Iwi
llbeback."
Inoddedandhewal
kedout
.Ist
ret
chedandyawned.
Thatsl
eepwassogood.
.
.
.
*UNATHI*

Iwaslayingont hebedwhilelooki
ngatthepict
ure.
Icoul
dn'tstoplooki
ngatitsinceIgotit
.Thedoor
openedandIsatupandhewal kedinandi
twas
cl
osedandl ockedfrom t
heout si
de.Hesmiledand
Ididt
oo.
Razor:
"youseem happy"
Me:
"myfr
iendcamet
ovi
sitandbr
oughtaphot
o
f
orme"
Razor:
"Lo.
..
.whatwhat?"
Hesai
duni
nter
est
edi
nthatandIl
aughed.
Me:
"noi
t'
snotLondi
ehawu.I
t'
sZama"
Razor:
"letmeseet
hepi
ctur
e."
Igavei
ttohi
m.
Me:
"that
'
sLet
hokuhl
e"
Razor
:"beaut
if
ull
ikehermot
her"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"shei
sget
ti
ngchubbyt
hough"
Razor:
"shei
sbei
ngf
ed"
Me:
"Iknow"
Razor:
"ourdaught
eri
sbeaut
if
ul"
Il
ookedathim andhejustki
ssedme.Ir
etur
nedi
t
aswellandwebr okei
t.
Me:
"whatar
ewedoi
ngt
oday?"
Razor:
"justsi
tt
ingt
hewhol
eni
ghtandspeaki
ng
aboutwhateachwantst
odoaf
terget
ti
ngoutof
here"

Me:
"whenyoumeaneachyoumean?"
Razor:"you.
..
.andme.Ineverreal
lyt
houghtwhatI
wantedoutofpr i
sont
hatisdif
fer
ent.Ihaveal
ways
beeninhereandoutallt
hetime"
Me:
"Wel
lwhatdoyouwant?"
Razor:
"Idon'
tknowasyet,
you?"
Me:"Iwantt
ofi
ndast
abl
ejobandst
aywi
thmy
daught
er"
Razor:
"wi
thar
ecor
dbehi
ndyou"
Me:
"yeahIknow.MaybeIcanst
artabusi
ness"
Razor:
"li
ke?"
Hepul
ledmeandIr
est
edmyheadonhi
schest
.
Me:
"bei
ngabeaut
ici
an,
havi
ngasal
ont
hatdoes
nai
lsandcr
eatt
hei
rownweavesaswel
l"
Razor:
"youar
eaBar
bie"
Me:
"(l
aughi
ng)
it
'sj
ustani
dea.Idon'
tknow"
Razor:
"gof
ori
tifyoul
ikei
t."
Me:
"yeahIam l
iki
ngi
t.
Razor:
"thensetupabusi
nesspl
ani
twi
llhel
p"
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
Razor:"Iwil
lbecomingbyeverydayatyourl
unch
andgivingyoufood.Agoodfuckandaf l
ower"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"real
lynow?"
Razor:
"youwantt
obet?"
Me:
"youar
esel
li
ngdr
eamsIknow"
Razor:"Iam notaboyUnathiandIstandbymy
word.Iwillf
uckyouonthatdesktil
lyoubegfor
moreandyourcustomershearyouscr eam my
name"
Me:
"whati
syoursur
name?"
Razor:
"youwantt
oscr
eam mycl
annames?"
Hesmi
rked.
Me:
"Iam j
ustaski
ng."
Razor:
"Ngomane"
Me:
"sayyourcl
annames"
Hechuckl
edandl
ookedatme.
Razor:"Ngomanemshikaumfuyiwamatjeadlel
a
i
zinkomosbumbuleskhulul
esi
tal
aemakhosi
mnganul owahl
umaeminikwaMandlakazikwatsi
ebusukuwasuwohloka.
..
."
Me:
"wow."
Razor:
"Ihopeyoumemori
sedThatbecausewhenI
hi
tit
.Iwantyoutosi
ngt
hen"
Me."Igotmshi
kaonl
y"
Hechuckl
edandpul
ledmetositontopofhi
m and
hi
smachinewaspokingmeunderneath.
"
Razor:
"ithasanef
fectonme"
Hesai
dsof
tl
y.
Me:
"oh"
Razor:
"st
optur
ningmywor
ldupsi
dedownl
ikeI
am si
ckpuppy"
Me:
"Iam doi
ngnot
hing"
Heki
ssedmyneckandigavehi
m access..
Razor:
"iwantt
obei
nyousobad."
I
tsomehowhadahugeeffectonmewhenhesai
d
t
htandkeepsont
alki
ngsoft
ly.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
37] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t70

*
SIYAMTHANDA*
TodayIwasget ti
ngdi
schar ged.Iwasjustwait
ing
forAyandawhowenttot heDr soffi
cetogosortout
somet hi
ngs.Tr
ist
anal
mostki l
ledme.Tot hi
nkIsti
ll
havefeeli
ngsforhimi
sdi sgustingmeinthe
process.
IsatonthebedandIam gl adAndi swadi
dn'tcome
andseeme.Ayandadi dexplaintheki
dssit
uation
butIam gladbecauseIdidn'
twanthertoseemei n
thatstat
e.Iwonderifhehasl ai
dahandonher
before?
Iam scaredtoevenaskher
.Ayandawal ksbacki n
andIgetoffthebedandhetakestheli
tt
lebagwi th
myclothes.Hewentt or
esandIcall
edseset huto
packsomet hingsf
orme.Ididn'
tgointodetailbut
shedidmewel l
.
Ayanda:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yeahIam.Wecanl
eave"
Henoddedandwewalkedoutt
ohiscar
.Iam
scar
edtoevenopenmyphone.Wegettohiscar
andhisgoi
ngtodri
vemebacktor
es.Ireal
lyneed
tothankhim.Hepaidf ormyhospit
albil
lsaswell.
Heopenedt hedoorandIthankedhim befor
e
gett
inginandhewentt ohissi
deandgoti n.Idon'
t
evenknowwher etostart
.
Me:
"Ayanda"
Ayanda:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
"Iwantt
othankyouagai
nforever
ythi
ng"
Ayanda:
"noneed"
Me:
"ther
eisone.Thankyou"
Henoddedwithasmil
eonhi
sfaceandhest
art
ed
t
hecarbefor
edri
vingof
f.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Ihavejustl
andedi nDurban.Icouldseethem i
na
di
stantandiclosemyeyes, am Ireadytofacehim
again?Iwasner vousandscaredofhowwewi l
lact
i
nfrontofeachother.
Yol
anda:
"Mommy"
Sherant
omeandIputmybagsdownandengul
fed
heri
nahug.Ir
eal
lymissedhersomuch.
Me:
"mommywi
llnotl
eaveyouanymor
e."
Yol
anda:
"excepti
fwear
egoi
ngt
ogr
anni
es"
Il
aughedandwebroket
hehug.Shesmil
edand
Sandi
lecamef
ort
h.Myheartwasbeat
ingfast
.
Sandi
le:
"Baby"
Iwenti
nandhuggedhi
m Imi
ssedhi
m.Heexhal
ed.
Sandi
le:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Iwassi
lentt
ryi
ngnott
ocr
y.
Sandi
le:
"Iam sor
ry.Iam r
eal
lysor
ry"
Sandi
lei
ssomeonewhodon'tusual
lyapol
ogi
ses
forhi
smist
akesbuthedoesapol
ogi
sesincewegot
marri
ed.
Me:
"Imi
ssedyout
oo"
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyouMer
cy"
Iwassi
lent
.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Hekissesmyf
oreheadandIsmi
leaswebr
eakt
he
hug.
Me:
"don'
tmessupagai
n"
Sandi
le:
"Iwon'
tmessup"
Ismi
leandhol
dYol
anda'
shand.
Yol
anda:
"Imi
ssgogo"
Me:
"topbadbecauseImi
ssedyou."
Shesul
ksandwegot
othecar
.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Thesoundofsomeoneshuf
fl
ingwokemeupf
rom
thel
it
tl
esleepIwast
ryi
ngtoget.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Haveyouseenmyphone?"
Me:
"(gr
oan)youar
emaki
ngnoi
sel
ikeyourki
ds"
Theywereshowi
ngmef lames.Il
etNt
ethel
elor
est
becauseofhi
sheadache.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"it
'satt
heki
tchenchar
ging"
Hecameandki
ssedmycheek"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Ihat
eyour
eal
ly"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ohIsental
ett
ert
oyourf
ami
ly.
"
Isatupqui
ckandevensl
eepwasgone.
Me:
"whatl
ett
er?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youknowl
obol
a"
Me:
"youdi
dn'
ttal
ktome!"
Hel
aughedwhi
ler
oll
inghi
shead.
Me:
"it
'snotf
unnyNt
ethel
elo"
Ir
oll
edovert
hebedt
aki
ngmyphonet
ochecki
f
dadhascal
ledoranyt
hing.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwaspul
li
ngyourl
eg"
Heki
ssedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
rysugarpl
um "
Me:
",
Iwasaboutt
opackt
heki
dsandl
eave"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youwoul
dn'
t"
Me:"Iwoul
d.Pleasecanyoubri
ngbacksome
yogur
twhenyoucomebackf r
om wor
kand
Danone"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youeatKi
dsyogur
t?"
Me:
"NoIwantt
ospi
ceupt
hechi
ldr
en'
sfood
r
out
ine"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"theyar
etwomont
hs"
Me:
"toosoon?"
Heshookhi
sheadandki
ssedmycheekagai
n.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llbebacksoon"
Me:
"don'
thi
tTr
ist
an"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"forSi
yamt
handaIwi
llandf
oryouI
mi
ghtputhi
minI
CU"
Me:
"don'
teven"
Hechuckl
edandwalkedout.Ibur
iedmyhead
undert
hepil
lowgr
oaningandthenZikhal
ideci
des
tocry.
Me:"QginaNdodakuzol
unga,i
ndodaayikhal
i
mfwethu!(Bestr
ongmanever
ythi
ngwillbeok.A
mandoesn'tcr
yboi!)
"
Hecarr
iedoncr yingandIgroanedmor ebefor
e
r
oll
ingoutofthebedandIt ookthebabymoni tor
wit
hsomuchf orceandworet hesl
ippersandwent
t
othenursery.
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloshoul
dpaymef
ort
his"
Igoti
nandIwentt
ohi
m andhewassil
entnow.He
tr
iedt
oreachf
ormewhil
elayi
ngt
her
e.
Me:
"Mxm.Lookyoursi
steri
squi
et"
Il
ookedatLet
howhohasal
lhereyebal
lsout
.He
st
art
scryi
ngwhenheseesIam nott
aki
nghim.
Me:"uyaziumubikanj
animawukhal
a(youar
eso
ugl
ywhenyoucr y)"
Ipi
ckedhi
m upandhecal
leddown.Iki
ssedhi
s
cheek.
Me:
"myl
it
tl
eNt
ethel
elo"
Hekeptonl
ooki
ngatme.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

WegottoresandIsawTri
stan'
scarandIl
ookedat
Ayandawhowasfrowni
ng.
Me:
"uhm .
..
"
Ayanda:
"St
ayher
eabi
t"
Inoddedandhepar
kedandgotout
.Tr
ist
ancame
towardst
hecar
.
Tr
ist
an:
"Si
yamt
handacomeoutoft
her
e!"
Hewasshouti
ng.Helookedverybr
uisedandwas
st
ruggl
ingi
npainasi
tlooked.
Ayanda:
"di
dn'
tIwar
nyou"
Igotoutoft
hecar
Ayanda:
"si
yamt
handageti
nsi
de."
Tr
ist
an:
"comeher
e.Shei
smygi
rl
fr
iend"
Me:"Iam notl
eavi
ngwi
thyouTr
ist
an.Youhur
tme
andi
t'
sover"
Tr
ist
an:
"thef
uck,
Whoaskedyouout?"
Ayanda:
"Idon'
tcarewhoaskedwhooutgetoutof
her
ebefor
eyouleaveinamotuar
ycar"
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam comi
ngbackf
oryoul
ater"
Hewal
kedt
ohi
scarandIwasbi
ti
ngmynai
ls.
Ayanda:
"geti
nthecar
"
Me:
"hejustsai
dhei
scomi
ngf
orme.Hei
sgoi
ng
t
oki
llme"
Icr
iedandhecameandhel
dmei
nahug"
Ayanda:"hewon'
t.Comeli
veatmyhouse.Ihavea
cot
tagewhereyoucanhaveyourpr
ivacywhi
leI
sor
tthi
soutforyou"
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
ocauset
roubl
e"
Ayanda:"st
opbeingstubbor
nbecauseyouar
e
gonnalooseanyway.Getin"
Heletgoofmeandki ssedmyf or
eheadbef or
eIgot
i
nthecar.Ihavetotellseset
hu.Itookoutmy
phoneandIcall
edherandshedi dn'tanswersoI
l
eftamessage.Ayandagoti nandhet hendrove
off
.Ihopethi
swon'tbeanyawkwar d.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
37] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t71

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Wear
ri
vedathi
shouseandi
twasi
nPr
etor
iaEast
.I
wasshockedyetIdon' tknowwhyr eallyIam
shockedbecauset hismanownsaver ysuccessf ul
company.Het ookhisITknowl edgeanddi d
somet hingwonderfulmanuf acturi
ngAndr oidsfor
peoplewhodon' thavet hoselimbsorar ei
nuseof
them andt heyarereal
lyexpensi vetogetaswel l.I
guessIj ust
.Wowl i
kehi spersonalitydoesn'tshout
ri
chatt imesit'
sjustsaysIam avi l
lageboywhoi s
tryi
ngt ofindhi
mselfint heworld.Ij ustsmil
eand
heglancesupatmeandf rowns.
Ayanda:
"ist
her
esomet
hingwr
ong?"
Me:
"No,
uhm not
hing"
Hechuckledashepar kedhi scarinfrontofthe
gar
ageandhet ookoutt her emoteandopenedt he
gar
agebef orehedrovei nandi tclosed.Hegotout
oft
hecarandIdi daswel l.Hetookmybagoutand
heclosedthecar.Hehad3Car sonl ybuthis
gar
agei samazing.Ithast il
esinthef loorAndi
wonderifthecardoesn' tsli
poranyt hing.Hetook
myhandwhi leIwasl ookingar ound.
Ayanda:
"don'
tbef
ool
edbyt
hepl
aceand
everyt
hing.ThemoneyIhaveandmateri
alsdoes
notdefineAyandabutmyhar dwor
kand
personali
tydoes.Iam j
ustaguywhoisfr
om
Umzi mkhuluwhocameher etodowhatheloves.
"
Me:
"Iwasn'
tlabel
ingyou"
Ayanda:"Iam j
ustmaki
ngi
tcl
earonceyouf
alli
n
l
ovewithme"
Igi
ggl
ed.Hesmi
led.
Me:
"ok"
Wewalkedinsideandtherewasawomanwhowas
si
tt
ingonthecouch.IthinkIknowherf
rom
somewhere.Sheswitchedoffthet
vandstoodup.
Her:"Bengi
thiawusabuyi,
besengi
thiusungi
shi
yel
e
amafakantiuyol
andauMakot i(It
houghtyou
weren'
tcomingback,Ithoughtyoulef
tyourmoney
tomebutyouwer egoingtofetchawife)"
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt
osayaboutt
hewi
fepar
t.She
hadahugesmi
leonherf
ace.
Ayanda:"
(laughing)aunt
ykukhonaozokut
hola
ungakhat
hazeki.Usakhumbul
auSiyamthanda
owakwaAndiswa?(don'
tworryaunt
y,youwi
llget
somethi
ng.DoyourememberSiyamt
handafr
om
Andi
swa'sfami
ly)
"
Aunty:"UAuntykaZikhal
ingi
yasazi
lesi
phalaphal
a.
UnjaniMntanamiwozakuAunt y(Zi
khali
'
saunt.I
knowt hi
sbeauty,howareyou.Comet oaunty)"
Shepul
ledmei
nandsqueezedmei
nahug.
Me:
"Iam goodandyour
sel
f?"
Aunt
y:"Iam ok."
Shebr
oket
hehug.
Ayanda:
"shewi
llbest
ayi
ngwi
thus"
Hedidn'
tment
ionthedur
ati
on.I
t'
sli
kehewas
sayi
ngIam movi
ngin.
Aunt
y:"at
leastIwon'
tbebor
ednow.Icooked.Let
medishupf oryou"
Me:
"Iwi
llhel
p"
Aunt
y:"Noi
t'
sfi
nemychi
ld"
Ayanda:
"come"
Hepul
ledmyhandandwewal
kedupt
hest
air
s.
Me:
"Thecot
tagei
s..
..
..
?"
Ayanda:
"it
'snotf
urni
shed"
Me:
"Your
eal
lydon'
thavet
odot
his"
Ayanda:
"Iam notar
gui
ngwi
thSi
yamt
handa"
Me:
"wear
enot"
Wegoti
nabedr
oom.
Ayanda:
"Ntethelel
o'shousei
s3Housesawaysoi
f
youwannavisitAndiswayoucango"
Me:
"isn'
tthatdanger
ous?"
Ayanda:"No.Tr
ist
anwon'
tfi
ndyouher
e.Ineedt
o
sor
tthatout"
Me:
"whataboutschool
?"
Hetur
nedandlookedatme.Theroom wasyell
ow
andwhit
e.Ni
ceandlovel
ycol
ours.Ver
yspacious
aswel
l.
Ayanda:
"Iwi
llt
akeyouandf
etchyouf
rom school"
Me:
"Ohok"
Ayanda:"Thi
sisyourr
oom.Rol
lscr
eam ,
cal
lme
forcuddl
es"
Igi
ggl
ed.Hechuckl
ed
Ayanda:
"Iam goi
ngt
ofet
chmor
eofyourt
hings
l
ateraswel
l"
Me:
"thankyou"
Ayanda: "Anyti
meandt heroom nextt
ot hi
soneon
theri
ghti smineandtheotheroneacrossthisone
i
sAunt yKhulisi
we'sroom thentherei
sanot her
bedroom nexttoyoursandthenthenur ser
ynextto
that
..
.thenourbedroom wil
lberenovated"
Hewasmovi
ngaroundwhi
let
alki
ngandheseemed
t
obeint
hought
s.
Me:
"Nur
ser
yandourbedr
oom ?"
Hewasf
aci
ngt
hecur
tai
nsandt
urnedt
ome.
Ayanda:
"Iam sor
ry.IguessIwasover
thi
nki
ng"
Me:
"about?"
Ayanda:
"Ourf
utur
e"
Iwasst
il
labi
tconf
used.
Ayanda:
"ust
oget
her
."
Me:
"Oh.Youhaveachi
ldf
ort
henur
ser
y?"
Idon'
twantanybabymamadr
amaf
oll
owi
ngme.
Ayanda:
"Yeahababyboy"
Hesmi
rkedandIf
eltl
ikeIwashavi
ngar
unny
t
ummy.
Me:"what.
..
whati
shi
sname.Idi
dn'
tknowyou
hadachil
d"
Youar
enotr
elevanti
nhi
sli
fet
oknowSi
yamt
handa.
Hecamecl
oseandholdsmyhandandl
ookedat
meandIam f
eel
ingsi
cksuddenl
y.
Ayanda:
"Si
yanda"
Me:
"Ow"
Ayanda:"
acombi
nat
ionofmynameandhi
s
mother
'sname"
Me:
"Iam sur
eshei
sthesi
ya"
Ayanda:
"Justonet
hingf
ormet
ohavehi
m her
e
t
hatIhavet
odo"
Me:
"wher
eishe?"
Ayanda:
"Inheaven.Wai
ti
ngonmeandhi
smot
her
t
omakehi m"
Me:
"wai
t"
Hechuckl
ed.
Me:"Ohw,
Siyamt
handaandAyandameani
ng
Si
yanda"
Henodded.Heper
kedmyf
oreheadt
henl
ips.
Ayanda:
"Gof
reshenupt
hencomeeatmaka
Si
yanda"
Me:
"Iam notr
eadyf
oraki
d"
Ayanda:
"Ineedt
omar
ryyouf
ir
stbef
oret
hat"
Hewakesout .Myhear twasbeat i
ngf ast .Ibitmy
bott
om li
plookingatthedoorandst artedimagini
ng
myselfwit
har ingonmyf i
nger, Il
iftedmyl ef
thand
upandlookedati tandthenpl acedmyhandonmy
stomachimaginghowi twi l
lfeellikewi thabig
stomachandt henIseet hosesmal lfootstepsand
myhusbandcomi nghomeandki ssingmycheek
andthenli
psasIt racedmyf ingeronmyl i
ps.
Heari
ngthewor dsof"Il
oveyou"fr
om themanyou
l
ove.Ilookedthedoorandwenttoshutitleani
ng
onit
.Whatam It hi
nki
ngoff?Ir
ushedtot he
bat
hroom totakeabath.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Myi nlawswer ecomi ngbyt onightfordi nner

.My
mot heri
nlawcal l
edsayi ngshemi ssesmeand
askedwhati sgoingonbet weenmeandSandi l
e.,I
sai
dwhenIneedt oIwilltalktoher.Ij ustbathed
Yolandaandshei sinherr oom playi
ngwi t
htoys.
Sandilewalkedinf r
om hisst udyandl eanedbyt he
counterbeforestandingbehi ndmeandhehol ds
me.
Sandi
le:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"youar
enott
heonl
ymani
nthewor
ld"
Sandi
le:
".Whatdoyoumeanbyt
hat
?"
It
urnedt
ohi
m.
Me:
"youseet
hatdoor?"
Ipoi
ntedatt
heonei
ntheki
tchen.
Me:"Icanl eaveandIhavet wol egstowalkout .I
mightnotbei ncontactwit
hmyf amil
ybutot her
peopl
eloveme.Andi swa'
sfamilywi l
lacceptme
wit
hopenar msandt her
eareot hermenoutt her e
whowi l
lappreciatememor e.IstaybecauseIl ove
youbutloveal onedoesn'
tworkl iket
hat.Iwil
ltake
mydaught erwi t
h.
Sandil
e:"Iam sor
rybaby.Ipr
omi
seyou,
thankyou
forcomingback"
Me:
"keept
oyourvowsSandi
le"
Sandi
le:
"Ipr
omi
se"
Me:"Iwanttoseet
hatyouaresorryandpromise.I
can'
tjustl
ist
ent
oyourwords.Ineedtoseeit
"
Hekeptqui
et.
Sandi
le:
"youwi
ll"
Heki
ssedmycheek.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyouMer
cy"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Iwasser
iousaboutwhatIsai
d.Iwi
lll
eave.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Dad:"whenar eyoucomingback.Usuki
pit
il
e
engakhokhil
elomfana?(Arwyoucohabiti
ng
wit
houtthisboypaying?)"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:"Imissyout
oobabeandnoIam not
cohabi
ti
ngtuu"
Dad:
"If
oundast
epmom f
oryou"
Ichokedonmyf
ood..
hel
aughedasIcoughed.
Me:
"dadt
hati
snotf
unny"
Dad:
"angi
niuki
pit
il
e(i
sn'
ti
tyouar
ecohabi
ti
ng?)
"
Me:
"angi
kipi
ti
le(Iam notcohabi
ti
ng)
"
Ntet
hel
elogotint
hekit
chendoorandpl
acedhi
scar
keysonthecount
er.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"uki
pit
il
e?(Youar
ecohabi
ti
ng)
"
Igr
ownaed.
Me:
"dadyouhearnowNt
ethel
eloi
saski
ngme
t
hat
"
Dad:"Idon'
twantasecondbabyunt
ilyouar
e
marr
iedAndiswa"
Me:
"whati
fIam ?"
Dad:
"don'
tdr
ivemecr
azy"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Gotyou!
"
Nt
ethel
eloshookhi
sheadwhi
lechuckl
ing.
Dad:
"letmegobef
oreIdi
efr
om hear
tat
tack"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Dad:"
Iloveyout
ooangel
.Gr
eetmychi
ldt
her
eand
t
hatboy"
Me:
"Boydadi
sgr
eet
ing"
Nt
ethel
elof
rownedandIl
aughed.
Me:
"hesai
dhi
.Bybdad"
Dad:
"bye"
Hehungup.Imi
ssdadsomuch.
Ntethel
elo:
"Iam al
mostyourf
ather
'sageandhei
s
call
ingmeboy"
Ichokedagai
nandher
ubbedmyback.
Me:
"howol
dar
eyou?"
ShockerbutIdon'treal
lyknowhisage.Iassumehe
i
s29maybebutt hissuccessf
ulat29butthings
happen.Ntet
helel
o: "i
fyouknowyouwi lll
eaveme"
Me:
"Iwoul
dn'
thawu"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Thel
oisyourdad'
sage.Justt
hat
"
Me:
"Iam aski
ngaboutyouhawu,
vel
evel
ewhoi
s
t
hel
astborn?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ayanda.
hisi
s34,
Zamanii
s..
..
.And
t
henmeIam 37"
Me:
"wai
twhat?"
Heti
lt
edhi
sheadandl
ookedatmeandIl
ookedat
hi
m anki
ssedhi
sli
ps.
Me:
"Youar
e16year
sol
dert
han.Me"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'snotaboutt
heage.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oogr
andpa"
Ntethel
elo:
"Iwil
lfuckyouont
hiscount
ert
il
lyou
scream andtheki
dsjoi
nyou"
Il
aughed.Andst
oppedandj
umpedof
fthehi
gh
chai
r.
Me:
"Thki
ds"
Iranupt hestair
sandhelaughed.Igotinthei
r
Nur ser
yandt heywer
eawakef rom thei
rnapbut
theywer esi
lentl
ymovingandmaki ngbabysounds.
Ipickedthem upandkissedthei
rli
psandputt hem
down.
"Ar
etheycr
ying?"
Me:
"No."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sgot
hen"
Me:
"canwest
aybi
t?"
Hest
oodbehi
ndme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youguysar
erui
ningmyday"
Me:
"leavemyki
dsal
onet
uu"
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
38] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t72

*UNATHI*

Razor:
"whatar
eyout
hinki
ngabout?"
Me:
"Asong"
Heplayedwithmyear,t
wisti
ngitforsomer
eason
buti
twasn'taggr
essi
ve.Justsoft
.
Razor:
"whatsong?"
Me:
"Mydest
iny"
Hechuckl
ed.
Razor:
"Mom usedt
olovet
hatsong"
Me:
"youknowi
t?"
Hel
ookedatme.
Razor:
"Youcamei
n
That
'swhatmyl
it
tl
ehear
twasl
ooki
ngf
or
Laught
eri
nther
ain
Feel
ingl
ikeaf
ooli
nloveagai
n
Thel
aught
ercame.
..
"
Isatupandl
ookedathi
m bef
oreIj
oinedhi
min.
Us:
"Whent
het
ear
sst
oppedf
all
ing
Nowal
lIdoi
sjustcal
lyourname
(
WhenIsayl
over
)
Youwal
kedi
nandmyhear
tdi
scover
ed
Thatmyl
if
ewoul
dneverbet
hesame
Oh,
youar
emydest
iny.
..
..
."
Hepull
edmet oohi m andIgi
ggl
edandwest oodup
anddancedtogether.Iwashavi
ngfunit
'sl
ikethe
songwasplayingyetwewer esi
ngi
ngit.
"
Youar
emyoneandonl
y
Yougavebackj
oyt
ome
Whenmywhol
ewor
ldwasl
onel
y
Angeli
ndi
sgui
se
Wi
thyourpowerofl
ove
Youj
usthypnot
ize
Ij
ustl
ovet
hemagi
cofyourspel
l
Howmuchj
oywe'
l
lhavet
oget
her
Onl
yti
mewi
llt
ell
..
..
..
..
"
Il
aughedandhewr
appedhi
sar
msar
oundme.
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tknowyoucansi
ng"
Razor:
"Iusedt
obei
nachur
chchoi
rwhenIwas
young"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Razor:
"butIqui
twhenIst
art
edmi
xingwi
tha
wrongcrowd."
Me:
"youar
eagoodguy"
Razor:
"wi
thbaddeci
sions"
Me:
"Woul
dyoul
iket
otur
nanewl
eaf?"
Razor:
"no.I
t'
stheonl
ythi
ngIknow.Cr
ime."
Hespunmear
ound.
Razor:
"Whyi
nthewor
ldwoul
danybodyputchai
ns
onme?
I
'
vepai
dmyduest
omakei
t
Ever
ybodywant
smet
obe
Whatt
heywantmet
obe
I
'
m nothappywhenIt
ryt
ofakei
t!no!
..
..
..
"
Heshoutedt
hatandIclosedhi
smouthwithmy
handsandwelookedatthedoorandl
aughed.
Me:
"Ooht
hat
'
swhyI
'
m easy
I
'
m easyl
ikeSundaymor
ning
That
'swhyI
'
m easy
I
'
m easyl
ikeSundaymor
ning!
..
..
"
Hekissedmeandwebr okeitandl
aughed.Idon't
knowwhatt hi
sisandthissneaki
ngaroundwillget
usintroubl
ebutit
'sf
unandIl oveit
.Idon'
twantt o
goatanymomentnow.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

AfterbathingIgotdressedandIwentdownt he
stair
s.Ihavet oactnormalreal
ly.Al
lthatAyanda
hassaidj ustpushitatthebackofyourhead.I
appearedandt heheadst ur
nedt ome.Theaunt y
smi l
edandIdi daswel l
.
Aunt
y:"yourf
oodi
sint
hemi
crowave"
Ayanda:
"Iwi
llgeti
tMakaSi
yanda"
HestoodupandIwisht
othr
owsomet
hingathi
m
whi
lehewasenjoyi
ngit
.
Aunt
y:"Youar
epr
egnant?"
Me:
"No"
Aunt
y:"youhaveachi
ld"
Me:"Nono!MahIdon'
t.Idon'
tknowwhatAyanda
i
stal
kingabout"
Hecameback.
Aunt
y:"St
oppl
ayi
ngwi
tht
hegi
rlAyanda"
Hechuckledandwi nkedatmeandIl ookedaway
tr
yingnottosmi l
enorblush.Itwasasexywinkor
hemadei tsexyorwashechar mingme.We
watchedtheTvandt heQueenaswel lcauseIl
ikei
t
somuchandt henafterIof
fer
edtowasht hedi
shes.
Auntysaidshehast orestear
lysosheexcused
hersel
f.Iwascr yi
ngupt hedi
shes.
Ayanda:
"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?"
It
urnedt
ohi
m.
Me:
"okt
hankyou"
Hestoodnextt
omeandt
ookacl
othandwi
pedt
he
di
sheswit
hme.
Me:
"isi
tjustt
hebot
hofyou?"
Ayanda:
"ther
eismam Bal
uatt
hecot
tage"
Igavehi
m aneyeandhechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Il
iedaboutt
hecot
taget
hing"
Me:
"why?"
Ayanda:
"Iwoul
dli
ket
ohaveyoucl
ose"
Hest
eppedclosert
omeandmyheartwasbeat
ing
f
ast
.Idon'
tthi
nkithasr
acedt
hismuch.
Me:
"cl
oset
owhat?"
Ayanda:
"cl
oset
ome"
Me:
"(sof
tl
y)howcl
ose?"
Hewasverycl
oseandIjustcl
osedmyeyes
br
eat
hingsl
owly.Iwassweati
ng.
Ayanda:
"Thi
scl
ose"
Ifel
tahandonmywai standhi
shandonmycheek.
Iwaswaiti
ngfori
t.Themomenthekissesme.How
doeshi
slipst
asteli
ke.Iwaswait
ingandIopened
myeyes.
Ayanda:
"al
linduet
imeMt
handa"
Hekissedmyneckandl etgoofme.Mylegswere
wobblyIal
mostfel
lbutIheldonthesi
nkbef
orebe
caughtmeandchuckled.
Ayanda:
"becar
eful"
Me:
"Iam f
ine"
Ayanda:
"ar
eyousur
e?"
Me:
"Iam.Iam .
."
Ayanda:
"ok"
Hel
ookedatme.
Me:"canyouleave?Youar
emaki
ngme
uncomfor
tabl
e"
Hechuckl
ed
Ayanda:
"Ok."
Heki
ssedmycheek.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyouSi
yamt
handa"
Inoddedandhechuckl
edbef
orewalkingof
f.Ilet
goofthesinkwhenhehasdi
sappearedandsat
downonthef l
oor
.Mykneeswereshakingfor
somereason,
myheartwasbeat i
ngveryfastl
ikei
t
wasonmyt hr
oat
.Ifeltgoosebumps.Ihavebeen
cl
oset
oAyandabeforebutthisistoomuch.
Me:
"whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Iwasquest
ioni
ngmysel
f.Igotupf
rom t
hef
loor
cr
awli
ng.
.
.
*NTETHELELO*

Herhandswer eonmykneesandIwashol dingher

waistlooki
ngatherfr
om theback.Mydi cksli
pping
i
nandoutofherandherbr eat
hingwasenoughf or
met ohearaccompaniedbyhermoans.Shewoul d
ti
ltherheadhereandther
easi fpl
easur
ekickedin
good.
Andi
swa:
"Mmmh"
Me:
"youneedat
att
oo"
Il
if
tedherupabi
tandt
ookoverf
rom under
neat
h
Andi
swa:
"Wher
eMnt
ungwa?Ahh"
Shewastryi
ngnott
oscream ormakehermoans
hear
d.Thekidswer
ereal
lybehavi
ng.
Me:
"Atyourback.Wr
it
eKhumal
o"
Andi
swa:
"whati
fIdi
vor
ceyou?
"
Me:
"thatwi
llneverhappen"
Andi
swa:
"whatwi
llmyboyf
ri
endsay?
"
Iwentdeeperi
nherandshescr
eamedamoan.
Me:
"sayt
hatagai
n"
Andi
swa:
"Iwi
lli
fwegetmar
ri
ed."
Me:
"wr
it
emyname"
Andi
swa:
"Ifyouwi
llwr
it
emi
ne"
Me:
"it
'sal
readywr
it
tenonmysoulandhear
t"
Andi
swa:
"fuck!Iwanti
t.
..
itonyourbody"
Me:
"ok"
Ii
ncr
eased!ypaceandshecoul
dn'tcont
ainher
moansanymore.Shehel
donmyt highst
ight
ly.
Andi
swa:
"ahhNt
ethel
eloIam cummi
ng"
Icar
ri
edonpumpi
nghert
il
lshecameandIsl
owed
down.
Me:
"Il
oveyousugarpl
um "
Andi
swa:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
Iam gai
ningmymemor yandtheeventwher eshe
cri
edaft
erfoundingoutIwasn'
ttrut
hfulhurtme.I
haven'
ttol
dherIam gainingmorememor iesofus.
Ij
ustwannabur ythatal
lup.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Thedoorbellr
angandIgavealr
eadysetupthe
di
ningtabl
eandthefoodi
sready.Iopenthedoor
andmagandbabaappearwi t
hZamaandKwando.I
di
dn'tknowtheywer
ehereinDurban.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Mahhuggedme.
Mah:
"himydaught
er."
Thef
atheri
nlawdoesn'
tli
keme.
Zama:
"shockerbutwear
eher
e.Hibabes"
WehuggedandIl
ett
hem i
n.
Me:
"it
'sgr
eatt
oseeyou"
Baba:
"wher
eisSandi
le?"
Asi
foncuehecamedownthestai
rswi
thYol
anda.
Mybabi
es.If
oundmysel
fsmil
ing.
Yol
anda:
"Gammy"
Sher
ant
ohergr
andmot
her
.
Sandi
le:
"baba"
Hi
sf at
hernodded.MyGodt
hiswi
llbeal
ongni
ghtI
t
ellyou.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
38] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t73

*
MERCY*

Wewer esi
tt
ingatthedinnertabl
eandonlythe
cutl
erywasmakingnoise.Itwasabitawkwar d
fr
om mysidesincemyf atherinl
awdoesn'tl
ikeme.
Mah:
"Howi
sschoolgoi
ng?
"
SheasksmeandIt
akeasmallsi
pfr
om t
hewi
ne
andshi
ftmyatt
ent
iont
oher
.
Me:"schooli
sgoingok.Justaf
ewhi
ccupsher
e
andther
ebutit'
sgood"
Mah:
"Iam gl
ad."
Zama:
"youshoul
dteachmet
hischi
ckenr
eci
pe"
Me:
"Iwi
lldon'
twor
ry."
Yol
anda:
"canIgowi
thGogo?"
Sandi
le:
"sur
ehoney"
Igavehim ast
are.Ij
ustgothereandYolandais
bei
ngshippedtohergrandmother'
s.Istoodupwit
h
myplateandpackedupsomeoft heal
readydone
peopl
e.
Me:
"desser
t?"
Zama:
"Iwi
llhel
p"
West
oodupandcollect
edthedi
shesandwentto
t
heki
tchen.Weputt
hem ontheki
tchencount
er.
Zama:
"wher
eist
hedeser
t?"
Me:
"int
hef
ri
dge"
ShenoddedandIoutt
hedishesi
nthedi
shwasher
andIcl
oseditwhenIwasdone.
Zama:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:
"yesIam f
ine"
Shenodded.Idi
dn'
twanttoseem dramati
csolet
mejustdr
opeveryt
hing.Wepreparedandthen
wal
kedoutoftheki
tchen.
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

averygoodnightsleepIhad.Aknockonthedoor
dist
urbedmefrom thewarm cover
sandIr
olledoff
thebedandwentt oopenwhenIwasmetby
Ayandainasuit.Hesmi l
edandmadehisway
i
nsidethebedroom.It ur
nedandwenttositonthe
bed.
Ayanda:
"Goodmor
ning"
Me:
"Mor
ning."
Ayanda:
"Iwoul
dneedyourt
imet
abl
e"
Me:"Iwil
lsendonet
oyoubutt
odayIdon'
thave
anycl
asses."
Ayanda:
"ok"
Me:
"youar
edr
essedup"
Ayanda:
"yesIhaveameet
ingt
oday"
Me:
"Doyoudoyourt
iel
iket
hat?"
Ayanda:
"What?"
Ist
oodupandunt i
edhist i
ethendi
dital
loveragai
n
aft
erthatIputitonhim andhewaslooki
ngatme
whil
eIwasf ixi
ngit.
Me:
"st
opl
ooki
ngatme"
Ayanda:
"ourchi
ldi
swai
ti
nguponus"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:"heshoul
dwaitbecausedaddyandMommy
ar
enottoget
her"
Ayanda:
"thatcoul
dbear
ranged."
Me:
"'
hayi"
Hechuckl
ed.If
ini
shed.
Me:
"ther
eit
'sni
ce."
Hel
ookedati
t.
Ayanda:
"Il
ikei
t"
Hel
ookedathi
swat
ch.
Ayanda:
"Ineedt
orush."
Hekissedmyforeheadandleft
.It
ouchedmy
for
ehead.Hisl
ipsareidon'
tknowwhat.Whyi
she
doi
ngt hi
stome.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handayouj
ustgotoutofar
elat
ionshi
p
"
Ilaidont hebed.Ilookedatthedoor.WhydoI
wantt obeMakaSi yanda.NoIam justthi
nki
nghow
thisSiyandawouldl ookl
ikewit
hmygenesand
Ayanda' s.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handagett
hatoutofyourhead"
Ir
oll
edovert
hebedandsi
ghed.
.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Iwal
keddownthest
air
sandt her
ewasnoauntyor
MamuBaluinsi
ghtsoIjustt
ookmycarkeysand
wentt
omycarandgotinbeforedri
vingof
f.It
ook
myphoneandIdi
aledThel
o'snumber
sandhe
answer
ed.
Thel
o:"whatdoyouneed?"
Me:"pleasegoandst
andi
nformei
nameet
ingi
n
Johannesbur
g"
Thel
o:"t
het
ime"
Me:
"leavi
ngnowwoul
dbebet
ter
."
Thel
o:"Iwi
llgoi
fyoubuymewhi
sky"
Me:
"Iwi
ll
.Whi
chone?"
IknowIam goi
ngt
oregr
etaski
ng.
Thel
o:"Iam gl
adyouaskedMnt
ungwa"
Me:"Canyousayt
henameIcr
yandwenegot
iat
ea
pr
ize"
Thelo:
"Balveni
ea50- year
-ol
dSpeysi
desi
ngl
e-mal
t
whisky oneofthebestwhiskybr
o"
Me:"youhaveexpensi
vetast
eforafar
m boy,
R730,
000that'
sahouseifnotacar
.Forsomethi
ng
youwil
lpeelat
eron"
Thel
o:"Iknewyouwer
eacheapskat
e"
Me:
"whydon'
tyoubuyi
tthen?
"
Thel
o:"f
orsomet
hingIwi
llpeel
ateron"
Me:
"yousee?
"
Thel
o:"mxm.Okt
henbuymeaGl
enf
arcl
as"
Me:
"Iam neveraski
ngyouaf
avour"
Thel
o:"gr
eatdoi
ngbusi
nesswi
thyou"
Me:
"Shar
p"
Ihungup.Thel owant stosuckmedr yIsee.Ihave
tosortoutthi
sTristanonceandf orall
.Igott ohis
placeandhewasbyhi scaraboutt oopenit.Igot
outofmycarf ixi
ngmysui tandt ookoutmygun
fr
om behind.Ifyouar esuccessfuli
nbusinessyou
needpr ot
ecti
onbecausenotal otofpeoplewi l
lli
ke
you.Iputasi l
enceronitandcr ockeditbeforeI
shothim behi
ndhi slegandhewentdowngr oaning.
Isteppedonhisfootandhecr ied.
Me:"Iwarnedyou.It
oldyout
hatwast
hest
artbut
youcar
ri
edonhuh"
Ipr
essedonhi
swoundwi
thmyf
oodandhecr
ied.
Tr
ist
an:
"fuck!
"
Me:
"youmessedwi
tht
hewr
ongonet
hist
imeboi"
Tr
ist
an:
"Ah!
"
Me: "youwantyourdaughtert
obepar
ent
less
becauseofyourfool
ishness"
Ishothi
sshoul
derandpressedhi
sshoulderwi
th
thecarandmyfoothar
dandhegr oaned.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iwi
llst
ayawayf
rom Si
yamt
handa"
Me: "Bett
erbeort henextbull
etwil
lbeinyour
colouredskull
.NgumzuluMi naangisabimuntu
,Ngizokufakainhl
amvukushayekeubucopho
Mf ana(Iam Zulu,Iam notscaredofanyone.Iwi
ll
blowyourbr ai
nsboi)"
HenoddedandIpr essedagai
nandhecr
iedbef
ore
Il
ethi
m go.Icl
ickedmyt ongue.
Me:
"youmessedupmyshoeandsui
t"
Hewasgr
oani
ngi
ntear
s.
Me:
"Don'
tcr
ossme"
Iwalkedof f
.Iuncrockedmygunandt ookof
fthe
si
lencerandIt ookati
ssueandwi pedmyshoes
beforegoinginthecaranddri
vingoff.1down.
2mor ethi
ngstogo.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ihadmyheadbur i
edundert
hepill
ow.Myhead
waspoundingandmynosewasbl ocked.Icoul
d
feelmyt
hroatbeingscrat
chy.Icouldheart
hedoor
openandNtethelel
o'sf
ootst
epswhi chwere
makingmef eelmoreofever
ythi
ng.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babysi
tupIbr
oughtsoup"
Me:udon'
twantsoupNt
ethel
elo"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"ifyoudr
inkyoursoupyouwi
llf
eel
bett
er"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tfeel
li
ket
hisyest
erday"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youneedt
obebet
ter
.Comesi
tup"
Me:
"Iam nothungr
yforsoup"
Ntet
helel
o:"i
fyouhavesoupIWi
llr
ewardyouwi
th
anyt
hingyouwantaft
erwhenIgoandgetyou
medicati
on"
Me:
"IwantaMcDonal
d"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwi
llgetyouoneonl
yifyoueatt
he
soup"
Igr
oaned.
Me:
"ok.Justal
it
tl
ebi
t"
Isatup.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"abi
tsugarpl
um "
Hest
art
edf
eedi
ngmeandIsni
ff
ed.
Me:
"Iam notababy"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
emybaby,
openup"
Iopenedupandhef
edmesoup.I
twasni
ce.
Me:
"Iwast
hinki
ng"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"openup."
Idi
dandhef
edme.
Me:"whenLet
hois1shevisi
tsUnat
hiandfr
om
t
henonregul
arl
yjustt
oknowhermother"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Let
howon'
tbegoi
ngt
opr
isons"
Me:"Unat
hiwoul
dlovet
hat,
toseeherdaught
eri
s
wel
landok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"noAndi
swa"
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloj
ustt
hinkabouti
t"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"thereisnothi
ngt
othi
nkaboutAndi
swa
,Let
howon'tvisi
tUnathi"
Me:
"but
..
..
."
Ntet
helel
o:"butnot
hingAndiswaIam herf
ather
youarenothermot her
.Iknowwhat'
sbest"
Thathurtme.YesIknowlethoisnotmine
bi
ologi
call
ybutIt
reatherl
ikesheismine.
Me:
"Iam f
ull"
Igotbackunderthecovers.Hewalkedoutbangi
ng
thedoorandIjustcr
ied.Theheadachecameback
str
onger.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Lethowon' tvisitUnathiIdon' twantmydaught er

tr
aumat izedwi thhermot her '
simagei nanorange
unifor
m sono.Iputt hebowelont hecounterandI
wentt othenur ser yandIt ookt hekidsandtheir
bagsandIwentoutwi t
ht hem inbot hofmyarms
andst r
appedt hem ont heircarseat sandouttheir
bagsatt heboot .Iwentinsi deandIt ookmycar
keysandwal letandphoneandIwal kedoutbefore
getti
ngint hecaranddr ivingof f.Il
ookedatthe
quietandl ookingatmet hr ought herevi
ewmi r
ror.
Me:
"yousur
ear
equi
ett
oday.Youmi
ssmommy"
Let
homadeababysoundandZi khalij
oinedin.
Aft
erthatIj
ustkeptqui
etwhi
ledri
vingtot he
pharmacy.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
38] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t74

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Iwokeupl at
erandImadet hebedandIwentto
takeashowerandIbrushedmyt eet
h.Aft
eroneI
gotoutandcheckedmyphoneandcal l
edmom
whi l
esi
tt
ingonthebed.Sheansweredonasecond
ring.
Mom :
"Siyamthandayi
niuf
unaukungi
bul
ala
ngi
musha(Siyamthandawhydoyouwanttoki
llme
whi
leIam st
il
lyoung!)
"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Mom :"doyougotoschooleven?Don'
tletthose
boysplayyou,
maybeyoushouldgoandl i
vewi t
h
uMelusi"
Me:
"NoIam f
ine.Ij
ustf
orgotmyphonekumngani
(onaf
ri
end)
"
Mom :"mmmh,
don'
tki
sspi
nksmal
lli
psl
ike
Andi
swa"
Me:
"mah!"
Mom :
"useacondom aswel
l"
Me:
"yousai
dnoboys"
Mom :"andhavedr
ought
.Don'
tbel
ikemebutdon'
t
haveababy"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Mom :
"Don'
trunaway.Buyapackpl
ease"
Me:
"Iam nothavi
ngt
hist
alkwi
thyou"
Mom :
"seeyounextweek"
Me:
"bye"
Mom :
"uf
ebekancane(andhoeabi
t)"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwhatki
ndofmot
herar
eyou"
Mom :
"theJabski
ndYaya"
Me:
"(l
aughi
ng)Bye"
Mom :
"byebaby"
Shehungup.Idon' tunderstandmymot her
someti
mes.Iguessbei ngt heonlygir
lchil
dgotto
herhuh?Ist oodupandIwentt oopenmybag.I
for
gottotellSeset
hutobr ingmeabag.It ext
edher
andshesaysshewi l
lbutshewi llbeatAyanda's
companyf ortheAndroidsoIshoul dfet
chi tt
here.I
wasroll
ingont hebedgr oaning.
Me:
"Seset
hukodwa"
Itookmyphoneandsai dok.Itri
edcallingAyanda
butitwenttovoicemail
.Iguesshei sinameet i
ng.
ThatmeansIhavet ogodownt her
e.I t
's11:02soI
hopeIcatchheront imewhileAyandai souton
l
unchmaybe.Igotdr essedinj
eanswi thawhi te
topandablackhoodi eandsneakers.Ibr ushedmy
braidsandItookmyphoneandwal kedoutand
wentdownt hestairsandIsawAunt ywi thanother
woman.Shesmi ledasIwasembar rassedt hatI
wokeupl at
e.
Aunt
y:"don'
tlookf
lushed.Youneededt
her
est"
Me:
"itwon'
thappenagai
n"
Aunt
y:"i
t'
sok.Yourf
oodi
sint
hemi
crowave."
Me:
"Ineedt
ogoandf
etchmycl
othesqui
ckl
y"
Aunt
y:"Ohok.Wewi
llseeyout
hen"
Shesmi l
edandIsmi l
edaswel lbefor
eIwalkedout .
Thecabwasal readywai ti
ng.Igoti nandgreeted
thedriverandhedr oveof ftoAyanda'scompany.
Wegott her
eandIpai dwhi lerushinginsi
de.
Sesethuwasatt helaboratorysoIhavet obeas
fast
.Igoti ntheelevatorandi twentupandpi nged.
Igotoutandshemetmehal fwaywi t
hthesuitcase.
Seset
hu:"Ipackedyourclot
hesneat
lybecauseI
wasboredtheotherday.Idi
dn'
tknowyouwi l
lneed
them.
Me:
"thanks."
Seset
hu:
"ar
eyouok?"
Me:"Iam.Wewi
llt
alkont
hephone.Ineedt
ogo
babes."
Seset
hu:
"byehoney"
Wehuggedandt
henwentourseper
ateways.Igot
i
ntheel
evat
orwi
thmysuit
caseandIclosedmy
eyes.
Me:
"Shoot!"
Il
ookedathi
m ast
heel
evat
orcl
osed.
Ayanda:
"Whatal
ovel
ysur
pri
se"
Me:
"Icamet
ofet
chmycl
othes"
Ayanda:
"Youcoul
dhavet
oldme"
Me:
"Ical
ledyou"
Hel
ooksathi
sphone.
Ayanda:
"OhIsee.Iwasi
nameet
ing"
Me:
"fi
gur
ed."
Ayanda:
"Iam donef
ort
heday.Lunch?"
Iwashungr
y.
Me:
"Ican'
tsaynot
ofr
eef
ood"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"yeahweneedyouf
ed"
Theelevat
oropenedandwewalkedout
.Ipul
ledmy
sui
tcaseandhewaswal ki
ngbesi
deme.Ever yone
wasl ookingandIdon'tknowwhy.Idon'
tli
kethe
eyes.Wewentt ohi
scarandIloadedmybag
i
nsidet hebootandheopenedt hedoorf
orme.I
thankedhi m andheclosedi
tandwenttohisside
andgoti nbef or
edri
vingoff
.
Ayanda:
"Wher
ewoul
dyoul
iket
oeat?"
Me:
"Iam notpi
cky.Eveni
fit
saKot
a"
Ayanda:
"youl
iket
hem ?"
Me:"t
heyarenicet
hant
heseexpensi
vet
hingst
hat
l
ookli
kerubber"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"wear
egoi
ngt
oSowet
othen"
Iopenedt
her
adi
oandpl
ayedmusi
cbef
orel
ayi
ng
back.
Me:
"(si
ngi
ng)
Kudal
aNgi
zul
angi
fun'
onj
egawe
You'
ret
hef
atherofmybaby
You'
remynumberoneandt
her
e'snoot
herone
..
..
..
..
"
Hechuckl
edandIf
rownedl
ooki
ngathi
m.
Ayanda:
"Iam t
hef
atherofyourbaby"
Me:
"TsekAyanda"
Il
aughedshaki
ngmyheadhej
oinedme.
Ayanda:
"whoar
eyousi
ngi
ngi
tfor?"
Me:
"mysel
f"
Hechuckl
ed.Het ookmyhandandhel ditwit
hhis.
Myheartstar
tedbeatingf
ast.Hekisseditandmy
kneeswereshaking.Hisl
ipsaresoftonmyskin
andhedoesn'tseewhathei sdoi
ng.Iclearmy
thr
oatandhelooksatme.
Me:
"my.
..
my"
Icoul
dn'
tsayi
t.
Ayanda:
"mmmh"
Ishookmyheadandheshi f
tedhi
sfocusbackont
o
theroad.Il
ookedathi
mthenourhandsagai
n.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
IfellasleepwhenNt ethelel
oleft.IwokeupandI
wentt obat handdidthebedaf terandwentt o
checkont hekidsandt heywer en'tt
here.Iguesshe
tookt hem.Iwentbackt othebedr oom andIlaidon
thebed.Imi sshomenow.Ir eall
ywantt ogoback,
Idon'tregrethavingZikhalibutImi ssAndiswaand
dadmoment saswell.ThedopropenedandIj ust
i
gnor edi t
.Idon'twanttosayanyt hi
ngbecauseI
willbehur tagain.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iboughtyourbur
gerandmedi
cat
ion."
Ikeptqui
et.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Ikeptqui
etandIf
eltt
hebedmovesandhehel
dme
andIdidn'
tmove.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"mmh"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"di
dyouhearwhatIsai
d?"
Me:"youcaneattheburger
.Iwi
llt
aket
he
medicat
ionl
atert
hankyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youneedt
oeatAndi
swa"
Me:
"Iam nothungr
y"
Isni
ff
ed.Icoul
dfeelt
het
ear
snear
ing
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:
"l
etmegocheckonZi
khal
i"
It
ri
edt
ogetof
fthebedandhepul
ledmet
ohi
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:"Iam sor
ryforhur
ti
ngyourfeeli
ngs.I
am sor
ryforwhatIsaid,i
twasuncal
ledfor"
Ikeptqui
et.
Me:
"Iwantt
oseemyson."
Igotoffhisgr
ipandwalkedoutofthebedroom and
Iheardhim si
gh.Iwenttothenurser
yandI
washedmyhandsbef oreIpickedupLetho.She
waslookingatme.Ismi l
edandplayedwithher
hand.
Me:"youwil
lgr
owi
ntoabeaut
if
ulwoman,
ast
rong
oneaswell"
Shet
ri
edt
oputmyt
humbi
nhermout
h.
Me:
"nobabyyouwi
llgetsi
ck"
Iret
renchedmyt humbandshel ookedatme.I
ki
ssedhercheekandoutherdownbef or
eIwentto
Zi
khali.Hewassleeping.Iki
ssedhisfor
eheadand
putast uff
edbearnextt
oLethobeforeItur
nedand
Ntet
hel el
owaslookingatme.Iwenttowardsthe
door.
Me:
"canIpass?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Me:"Ntethel
eloIneedt
ogoandeatanddr
ink
medicat
ion"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Inoddedandmademywayout .Ilovehimtoo.He
knows, Iam t
ryi
ngtomeethim half
waywi t
h
everyt
hingbutIguessIshoul
dn'tespeci
all
ywi
th
Letho.Sheisnotmineri
ght?Ishouldfocuson
Zikhal
ialone.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*
Me:
"thi
sisf
ood"
Ayanda:
"Ionl
yat
eaKot
aonce"
Me:
"si
ncewear
eher
ewear
egonnagetone."
Hesmiledandshookhi shead.Wepar kedneara
shopandgotout .Helef
thissuitbl
azerinthecar
andhewashol dingmyhandcl aimi
ngt hatIwil
lget
l
ost.Irol
ledmyeyes.Hej ustwantstoholdit.We
wentandor der
edoneandt henwentbackt othecar
andsatintheresincei
t'
sabitcoldtoday.
Me:
"sot
hest
udent
syoul
eft"
Ayanda:"r
eal
lyyoudon'
thavet
omakea
conver
sati
onaboutwork"
Me:
"okt
henaboutwhat?"
Ayanda:
"aboutwhencanIsendal
ett
ert
oyour
home"
Me:
"wear
enotdat
ing"
Ayanda:
"Si
yandai
swai
ti
ngonus"
Me:
"What
'st
hisus?"
Ayanda:
"meandyou"
Hekeptqui
et.
Me:
"tel
lme,
i
fther
ewasanuswher
edoyouseeus
"
Hesmi
led,
nicesmi
le.
Ayanda: "Iseealotoft
hings.Iseemyfutur
ewi fe
,Mot herofmykids.Iseeyoui nmyarmsever yday
fi
ndingcomf ort,
securi
tyandwar mt
hinthem.You
feelnohar minthem.IseeyouasDrKhumal o...
..
."
Igi
ggl
ed.
Ayanda:"Iseeyoulookint
omyeyesr i
ghtnowand
seehowmuchIl oveyou.Iseemetaki
ngyour
handandplacingitonmybeatinghear
tandher
e
howfastitracesinyourpr
esence."
Hewi
pesmyt
ear
s.
Me:
"AyandaIam scar
ed.Ij
ustdon'
twantt
o..
."
Ayanda: "Iam notr
ushi
ngyou.Iam justt
ell
ingyou
howIf eel.Lovei
spati
entandIwi
llpati
ent
lywait
foryou"
Me:
"whati
fyour
unoutofpat
ience?"
Ayanda:
"Iwon'
t"
Me:"whati
fyoul
ovesomeoneel
sei
nthemi
stof
wai
ti
ngformewhati
f.
..
"
Hekissedmyl ips.I
twassl owandver ymuch
passionat
ekiss.Onefil
ledmyempt ystomachand
gavemegoosebumps. hebrokethekissslowly.Hi
s
l
ipswer ewarm andsoftandstil
lfeltt
hem even
thoughtheyareboththereanymor e.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveonl
yyouSi
yamt
handa."
Me:
"uhm babakhe"
Hechuckl
edandIl
ookedaway.
Ayanda:
"Il
ike"
Ir
oll
edmyeyesandwelaughedandi
twasn'
t
awkwar
d.Il
ookedathi
m andhewassmil
ing
l
ooki
ngatme.
Me:
"what?"
Ayanda:
"Iam sohappyIki
ssedyou.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Wecant
rybutpl
easedon'
thur
tme"
Hesmi
ledr
etar
dedl
ikeHej
ustwonal
ott
o.
Ayanda:"(ki
ssi
ngme)Iwon'
thur
tyou
i
ntent
ional
ly"
Inodded.Iam scared,am Ir ushi
ngeverythingor
shouldIwait.?Idon'tknowbutIwantt otrusthim.
HekissesmeandIr eturnitaswel l
.Iwonderhow
Andiswawi l
lreacttoallofthis.Hisfamil
y, my
famil
yohmyGodKhul uzawi l
ldi
e.Ijust,
justhopeI
don'
tturnabl i
ndeyel i
kethel astt
ime.No, Ayanda
i
sdiffer
ent.Hei snotli
keTr i
stananddef i
nitelyai
n't
him.Webr okei t
.
Me:
"weshoul
dgetourf
ood"
Hel
ickedhi
sli
ps.
Ayanda:
"yeah"
Wegotoutandwentt
ocheckouror
der
s.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
38] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t75

*
UNATHI
*

It
sbeenMont hssinceIsawmymot her
.Iam even
shockedt hatQamoi shere,wereall
ydon'tseeeach
other,eyeforaneyebutt hatdoesn'
tmeanIdon't
l
oveheranyl ess.Isatdowni nf
rontofherandshe
smiled.Ismi ledaswell
.Iwasgenui nel
yhappythat
sheisher e.
Qamo:
"Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam ok.Sur
vivi
ng."
Qamo:"that
'sgood.Ihopeyouar
ebehavi
ngsoyou
cangetoutsoon"
Me:
"yes,
Iam "
Li
es.Wi
thr
azort
her
eisnobehavi
ng.
Qamo:
"uhm wel
lIhavet
hisf
oryou"
Shetookoutabeauti
ful
lywrappedcardandshe
pl
aceditonthet
able.ItookitandIunwrappedt
he
ri
bbonandopenedit.
Qamo:
"Iam get
ti
ngmar
ri
ed"
Uhm Ididn'
tknowwhatt
osay.Tear
swel
dedi
nmy
eyes,Iwon'tbet
her
ewhenshegetsmar
ri
ed.
Me:
"Iam happyf
oryou"
Qamo:"(t
eary)Ij
ustwishyoucoul
dbet
hereand
bemymatronofhonourli
kehowweusedtodr
eam
whenwewereyoung.Li
kehowIwasonyour
weddi
ngday"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Me:
"it
'sok.I
t'
syourt
imet
oshi
neal
onewi
thout
me"
Shesobbed.Il
ookedatherandwipedmyt
ear
s
bef
orelooki
ngatthecar
dagain.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ireal
lyIwi
shIcoul
dbet here.IwishIcoul
dhug
herri
ghtnowbutIam rest
ri
ctedtodoso.Af t
er
sometimewecalm downandwi peourlef
tover
t
ear
s.
Me:
"isheagoodguy?"
Shechuckl
ed.
Qamo:
"ver
y."
Me:
"howcomeIdi
dn'
tknowabouthi
m ?"
Qamo:"angi
niubusal
ibel
eukusangana(youwer
e
busybei
ngcrazy)"
Me:
"Iwi
llhi
tyou"
Wel
aughed.
Qamo:
"Ihopeyougetbet
ter
."
Me:
"Iam happyt
hatyoucant
ovi
sitmemnt
ase"
Qamo:"Iwantedt
o.Ibr
oughtsomef
oodaswel
l
.
Justal
it
tl
etakeoutf
ort
hetoot
h"
Me:
"youar
eal
if
esaveryho"
Wel aughed.Ienjoyedspendi
ngtimewit
hher
wit
houtusf ight
ing.Itwasgoodforonce.Maybe
changingandbei ngniceandbett
erwouldn'
thurt
anyoner eal
ly.Theycheckedthefoodi
nsidejustt
o
seei ftherear enodr ugs.Phoneorweaponsbef or
e
Icoul dtakei t
.Jai ll
if
e.Iwentt omycel landgoti n
andt heot herladiesstoppeddoi ngwhatt heywer e
doingandIsatonmybedandopenedt hest eer
s
packet .Shebought4bur gersburgers.HowI
mi ssedeat i
ng, Iam meet i
ngRazort oni
ght .Ishould
wai tforhim maybe?Imeanhehasbeengoodt o
me, i
t'
sthel eastaf r
iendcoul ddobuti t'
snotsaf e
her e.Istandupandgot ot hewar den.Shei s
femal ewar denwhosomet imestakemet or azor
wheni t
'shershi ft
.Iam gl adit'
shert odayandnot
pitbul l
.
Me:
"Ineedsomehel
p"
War
den:
"wi
thwhat?"
Shewasnotl
ooki
ngatme.
Me:"Bai
rdthi
sfoodformet
il
lIgoandseer
azor
.
Youknowthesepeopl
e"
Shet
urnedandl
ookedatme.
War
den:
"br
ing"
Me:
"don'
teati
t"
War
den:
"sur
e"
Shet
ooki
t.Iwentbackt
osi
tdownonmybed.
.
.
*AYANDA*

Wecamehomel ate.Il
osttrackofti
mewithher
.
Aft
ergoi
ngtoSowet owewentt othepar
kandwell
wespentti
metogetherandlostti
measIhavetold
you.Wewentt
oeatwhent hesunwassetti
ngand
nowherewearehomel ate.
Me:
"If
oundl
ovei
nyou.
..
..
..
..
"
Si
ya:
"(giggl
ing)Ayandayouaremaki
ngnoi
se.
Bal
eleabantu(peopl
earesl
eepi
ng)"
Me:
"isi
tacr
imet
owantt
osi
ngf
oryou?"
Si
ya:
"(bl
ushi
ng)No"
Ipi
ckedherupandputheront
heki
tchencount
er
andstoodbet
weenherl
egs.
Me:
"AndI
'
vel
ear
nedt
olovemet
oo
NeverhaveIfel
tthatIcoul
dbeallt
hatyou
see.
..
..(Shesmi
ledwhileIpl
acedmyhandsonher
cheeks)
It
'sl
ikeourhear
tshavei
nter
twi
nedandt
othe
perf
ectharmony.
."
Siya:"youhaveahor
ri
bledeepvoi
ce.Don'
tsi
ng
again"
Shel
aughed.
Me:
"mxm "
Si
ya:
"Iam ki
ddi
ng"
Me:
"Ikneesyoul
ovemyvoi
ce"
"Ni
bangaumsi
ndo(youar
emaki
ngnoi
se)
"
I
twasauntyi
nhergown.Siyamt
handagotdown
f
rom t
hecount
erandl
ookeddown.Ihel
dherwai
st.
Aunt
y:"youdon'
tsmel
lal
coholsohowwasyour
day?"
Me:
"memor
abl
e"
Aunt
y:"yourf
oodi
sint
hemi
crowave"
Me:
"wear
eok"
Aunt
y:"Si
yamthandaNt
ombiUngasabineh(gi
rl
don'
tbescar
ed)"
Shewi
nkedandIchuckl
ed.
Aunt
y:"swi
tchof
fthel
ight
s!"
Shesai
dwal
kingupt
hest
air
s.
Si
ya:
"Yho.Wehavet
ogoandsl
eep."
Me:
"butIst
il
lwantt
ospendsomet
imewi
thyou"
Si
ya:
"youhavegotwor
kandIhaveschoolAyanda
"
Iper
kedherl
ips.
Me:
"ok.Cuddl
e?"
Si
ya:"(
laughi
ng)No,toosoon.Babysteps.Idon'
t
wantbabySiyandaappear
ingoutofnowhere"
Me:"(smirki
ng)soyousayi
t'
spossi
bleoryou
woul
dn'tr
esist"
Ipul
ledhercl
oset
ome.
Si
ya:
"anyt
hingi
spossi
ble."
Iki
ssedherl
ips.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Shenoddedandthenwalkedoff
.Il
ookedather
.
ManIfeelsol
ucky.Ical
ledThel
oandheanswered.
Thelo:
"FokofIhaven'
tgott
enmywhi skyandyou
arecal
li
ngmeatni ghtli
keIam yourbi
tch.ManI
am marri
edforgoodnesssake."
Me:"calm down.Iwi
llbuyt
hatwhi
skyt
hatyou
wanted."
Thel
o:"youchangi
ngyourmi
nd?"
Me:
"takei
torl
eavei
t"
Thelo:
"Idi
dn'
tsayIam nott
aki
ng.Justaski
nga
questi
on.Maybeputi
ntwo"
Me:
"youar
epushi
ngi
t"
Thel
o:"heyyousoundl
ikealovest
ruckt
eenager
.
MaNtul
igotyoubytheear."
Me:
"youmeanbal
l
s."
Hel
aughed.
Thel
o:"Soyour
eal
l
ydoi
ngt
hiswi
thher
?"
Me:
"yeah."
Thelo:
"IhopeAndi
swa'
sfat
herdoesn'
tgi
veyoua
hardti
me"
Me:"whataboutt
hatuncl
ewhocamewi
thher
gr
andmother."
Hewhi
stl
ed.
Thelo:
"knockherupf
ir
st,
theywon'
thaveachoi
ce
then"
Me:"nahbabyaft
er.FornowIj
ustwantt
obe
pat
ientwi
thher"
Thelo:"okdot
hat
.Ihavet
ogo.Youknow.Mi
dni
ght
prayer
s."
Me:
"mi
dni
g..
..
.youwon'
treachheaven"
Hechuckl
ed.
Thel
o:"Sur
e"
Hehungup.Idr
anksomewat
erbef
oreswi
tchi
ng
offthel
ights.Iwentupt hestair
sandIknockedon
herdoorandopenedandshewasasl eepalr
eady.I
l
eanedont hedoorf r
ameandj ustwatchedher
sl
eep.Inevert houghtofsett
li
ngdownbef or
ebut
withherit
'sthere.Iclosedthedoorandwentt omy
bedroom.goti nthebedr oom andIwentt ot
akea
shower.
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Themedi cati
onr eall
yhel ped.Idruggedmysel ft
o
sl
eepandIwokeupf eeli
ngbet t
ert henextmorni
ng
andsti
llIwasnott al
kingt oNtethelel
o.Igotofft
he
bedandi twasempt y.It ookmyphoneandsenta
messaget odadsayi ngIam comi ngback.Mer cy
hasal
readyl eftsowhat '
stheuseofst ayi
ng.He
sai
dhei shappyt hatIam comi ngback.Imi ss
hometoo.Igotof ft
hebedandIwentt ot
akea
bat
h.Af teroneIgotdr essedingr eyleggi
ngswith
bootsandal ongsl eevetop.Itiedmyhai randI
cleanedupi nthebedr oom andopenedt hewi ndow
toletinfreshai rbeforeIpackedmycl othes.AfterI
wasdoneIwentoutt hebedr oom andwentt othe
nursery.Let hoandZi khaliwereupandIcheckedi f
theyhadbeenchangedandf edandyest heywer e.
IpackedupZi khali'
ssmal lclot
hesbecausehehas
someathomeaswel landputi ti
nhisbag.Il eft
them thereandwentdownt hestair
sandNt ethelel
o
waswat chingTV.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Mor
ning"
Me:
"mor
ning"
Iwal
kedt
owar
dst
heki
tchenandhef
oll
owedme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaIam sor
ry"
Me:"i
t'
sok.Itwasast upi
dsuggest
ion,
it'
sokt
o
voi
ceoutyouropi
nions"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"noti
nthemannerIdi
d"
Me:
"Iam l
eavi
ngwi
thbabyNJt
oday"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"why?"
Me:
"wear
enotmar
ri
edNt
ethel
eloandiwon'
t
cohabi
twi
thyou,
i
t'
swrongr
eal
ly.Ihavet
ogo
homedadneedsme."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ineedyou.Let
honeedsyou"
Iopent
hefr
idgeandtakeoutt
hemi
lkcar
tonand
di
shandpouriti
nther
e
Me:"Ntet
hel
elo,hir
eamanyf orLet
ho,youar
e
capabl
etodoso.Iam sorrybut!
hhandsareti
ed
wecanonlyvi
sitbutcan'
tli
vewit
hyou"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Zi
khal
iismyson.Ipai
dforever
ythi
ng
onhim"
Me:"YazimthatheNt et
helel
oveleinganezakho!
KodwaMi naangihl
alingimil
elapho(youknow
what?Takehim Ntethelel
o,it'
syourkidsanyway!
ButIam notst
ayingandIam st andingonthat)
"
Ithr
ewtheempt
ymi
lkcar
toni
nthebi
n.Hehel
dme
fr
om behi
nd.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iam sor
ryf
orupset
ti
ngyou.Ij
ustdon'
t
wantyouawayfr
om me"
Me:
"itwi
lldousgood"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llgocr
azy"
If
reedmysel
ffr
om hi
m.
Me:
"youwi
lldr
ivemecr
azyIswear"
Hesmi
rked.
Me:
"Iwi
llsl
apt
hatsmugof
fyourf
ace"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam ol
dert
hanyou"
Me:
"it
'sj
ustanumber
"
Heper
kedmyl
ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thi
sisgonnabehar
dbutIl
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
It
'sl
ikeNt
ethel
eloi
sonhisper
iodst
hesedays.
Maybehedoeshavethem whoknows?Just
ki
ddingNkosii
magine
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
39] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t76

*
ANDI
SWA*

AssoonasIent er
edt hegat esofhome.Idi dn't
reali
sehowmuchImi ssedt hisli
tt
lespace.Ij ust
openedt hedoorandwal kedt omyr oom.It ooka
cabr i
ghtawayshame.Nt ethelel
ocoul dn'tgoup
anddownwi t
hLetho.Iwentt omyr oom andpl aced
ZikhalionmybedandIl aidnextt ohi m andIjust
huggedmypi ll
ow.Imi ssedal lofthis.Isatupand
l
ookedar ound.Hewasasl eep.Iputpi llowsar ound
him sohewoul dn'
tfallandt heniunpackedour
bags.Iwi l
lcal
lNtethelel
ol ateron.Af terIwas
doneIwentt othekitchenandst art
edoncooki ng.I
tookoutmyphoneandcal leddad.
Dad:
"angel"
Me:
"Iam backhome"
Dad:
"Iam happy.Ir
eal
lymi
ssedyouandIam gl
ad
your
eal
iseyouar
enotmar
ri
edt
othatboy"
Me:
"yesdadIdor
eal
izet
hat
."
Dad:
"Iwi
llbebacki
naf
ewhour
s"
Me:
"ok.Il
oveyou"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
HehungupandIt ookoutsomei
ngredi
ent
sand
playedsomeradiomusicwhil
ecooki
ngnotloudso
IcanhearZi
khali.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

iwaswokenupi nthemor ni
ngbythealarm.Iknew
thatIwoul dn'
twakeuponmyownj ustbecauseI
sleptl
at el
astnight.Irol
ledofft
hebedgr oaning
andIl andedont hefloor
.Igotupandr ubbedmy
eyesbef oremakingthebedwhi l
eyawni ng.Can'
tI
skiptoday?If inishmakingthebedandIgoand
opensomebat hwat erandtakeoutthebooksIwi l
l
needandcl othesbeforemaki ngmywayt ogoand
bath.Af terIwasdoneIgotdr essedandIpar ked
upever ything.Iwonderhowl ongIwi l
lstayher e.
It
'slovelybutIwi l
ltakethisascohabi ti
ngandof
whichmyf amil
ywillgocr azyon.It ookmybagand
walkedoutandmademyway.Aunt ywasal ready
awakewi thAyandaandt heywer ehavingal augh.
Me:
"goodmor
ning"
Aunty:"mor
ning,
yourf
oodi
sal
readymadeand
packedup"
Me:
"youdi
dn'
thavet
o"
Aunt
y:"Ist
ayher
eal
ldaysoi
t'
sthel
eastIcoul
ddo.
"
,
Me:
"thankyou"
Shehandedafoi
lcover
edlunch.Whenwast
hel
ast
ti
meIhadluncht
oschool.
Ayanda:
"wehavet
orush.Youwi
llbel
ate"
Me:
"yes.Uhm byeaunt
y"
Aunt
y:"st
udyhar
d"
Sheshout
edasIwaswal
king.
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
Icl
osethedoorbehi
ndmeandAyandahel
dmy
wai
standperkedmylips.
Ayanda:
"Mor
ning"
Me:
"Youar
esneaky"
Ayanda:
"Ij
ustneededt
odot
hat"
Me:
"weneedt
oleave"
Ayanda:
"Don'
trush.Idi
dn'
tsl
eepnextt
oyou"
Me:
"Howdi
dyousl
eep?"
Igotof
fhi
sgri
pandwentt
othepassengersi
deand
l
ookedathi
m.
Ayanda:
"hor
ri
ble"
Me:
"why?"
Ayanda:
"youwer
en'
tnextt
ome"
Me:"shame.I
twi
llbemor
ehar
dwhenIl
eavet
he
house."
Wegoti
nthecarandputonourseatbel
ts.
Ayanda:
"theni
t'
smor
ereasont
osendt
hel
ett
er
home"
If
rownedandl
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"Iam guessyouhaveadr
aft"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Ishoul
d"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"OhMnt
ungwawhatcanIdowi
thyou?
"
Ayanda:
"youcoul
dmar
ryme"
Me:"Wej ustst
art
edandbesi
desmar
ri
agei
sahar
d
t
hing.Ist
il
lhaveschool"
Ayanda:"Iwoul
dn'
tmi
ndgoi
ngt
hrought
hose
hardshi
pswit
hyou"
Me:
"Let
'sseewher
ethi
stakesus"
Ayanda:
"maybeSi
yandawi
l
lbeont
heway"
Me:
"ahhukuf
unakonke(Youwantever
ythi
ng)
"
Ayanda:
"Thewhol
epackage"
Wel
aughed
Me:
"whatar
eyoubr
ingi
ngi
nke?
"
Ayanda:
"youwi
llf
indout"
Hetookmyhandandheldi
t.Ismi
led.Ij
usthope
ever
ythi
ngt
urnsoutok.
.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Thewardenuncuffedmeandgavememypaper
bagandIwalkedinside.Hesatupwhenhesawme
andIj
ustsmiled.
Me:
"Igotsomet
hing."
Razor:
"icansee"
Igavehimthepaperbagast
hedoorlockedandhe
putitdownandpull
edmetohim andwekissed.
Razor:
"Iam hungr
ydosomet
hingel
sef
ir
st"
Me:
"let
'st
akecar
eofi
tthen"
Heundr essedmeof fmyover al
landplacedhis
handsonmybr easts.Hishandswerecoldand
goosebumpscr eatedonmyboobs.Iwasst anding
i
nbet weenhislegs.Hi sonehandwentt omy
breastwhilehesuckedt heot
hergentl
y.Itil
tedmy
headbackwar dswhi l
eholdi
nghishead.
Me:
"Mmh"
Razor:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"met
oo"
Heundr essedmet herestoftheoverallandhe
pull
edmet ohisl
apandki ssedmyneck.Sof t
ly
onceort wicebef
oreIstartedundressi
nghi m as
wellwhenhewaski ssi
ngme.Whenhi stophalf
wasbar eIheldonhi sneckandkissedhi m andhe
respondedbeforeheslippedafingerinmeandI
moaned.
Me:
"Ah"
Hesl owlythr
ustediti
nsideifmeandki ssedmy
neckwhi l
esuckingitaswel l
.Iwi
llhaveal otof
hickiesaft
erthi
s.Icouldfeelt
hatIam getting
extremelywetaswel l
.
Razor:
"Iwantt
ofeel
you"
Inoddedandhestoppedf i
nger
ingmeandhelift
ed
meupf rom mybuttandIheldonhi
sshoulder
sjust
forsuppor
tbef
orehel etgoofmeskippi
nghimself
i
n.Mywal lscl
enchedonhi m.
Razor:
"Fuck!
"
Istart
edgoingupanddownonhim whi
lebi
tt
ingmy
bottom l
ipandmybreat
hingwashi
tchi
ngaswelli
n
theprocess.
.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

If
ini
shedcookingandwenttocheckonZi
khal
iand
hewasawake.Ichangedhim andfedhi
m bef
ore
wewenttotheloungeandsatdowntowatchsome
TV.Ical
ledNtethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:"
ThankGodyouar
eal
ive"
Me:
"It
ookanapwhenIcamehome"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"howar
eyouguys?Imi
ssyou"
Me:
"wear
eok.Wemi
ssyout
oo.Howar
eyou?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youwer
eri
ght,
Ishoul
dhi
reananny"
Me:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Let
hohasbeencr
yingsi
nceyoul
eft
."
Me:
"Shame.I
sshecal
m now?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shei
s.Shei
ssl
eepi
ng"
Me:
"Ki
ssherf
orme"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Iwi
llcomebyt
oni
ght,
Iwantt
oseeyou
"
Me:
"andt
hebaby?
"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ihaveanauntwhol
iveswi
thAyanda
downthest
reet
."
Me:
"ok.Ihavet
ogo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Iyawned.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Ihangup.IwatchedsomeTVwithBabyNJt
il
lI
fel
lasl
eepont
hecouchwithhi
m onmychest
.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
39] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t77

*
UNATHI*

Razor:
"Youhavesomet
hingher
e"
Me:
"oh"
Heremovedt
hesauceandsuckedhi
sthumbandI
car
ri
edoneat
ing.
Me:"Ihaven'
thear
dfr
om yout
hatyouhavea
vi
sit
orfr
om someone"
Razor:
"Idon'
tneedone"
Me:
"Ohok,
tel
lmemor
eaboutyou"
Razor:
"Iwi
ll
.Notnow"
Me:
"ok"
Icar
ri
edoneat
ing.
Me:
"doyouhaveagi
rl
fr
iendoutoft
hispl
ace?"
Razor:
"Ido."
Me:
"Oh"
Razor:
"Youar
ecausi
ngyour
sel
funnecessar
y
hear
tpain"
Me:
"Iam not
.Wear
ejustf
uckmat
esr
ight?"
Hel
ookedatme.
Razor:
"Ok"
Hi
smoodwasn'
tnicereal
ly.It
houghtwewereher
e
t
ohavef
unbutIguessnottoday.Igotup.
Me:
"Ineedt
ogobef
oret
hesuper
int
endentseesI
am noti
nmycel
l"
Razor:
"wehaveanhourl
eft"
Me:
"IknowbutIj
ustwannagoandl
iedown"
Iputmyf
oodawayandhepul
lsmet
ohi
m.
Me:
"razorIneedt
ogo"
Razor:
"okIam sor
ryaboutmyshi
tt
ybehavi
our"
Me:
"youshoul
dn'
tbesor
ryj
ustdon'
tinvi
temet
oit
.
"
Razor:
"Iam l
eavi
ng"
If
roze.Idon'
tknowwhyIdi
d.
Me:
"Leavi
ng?"
It
urnedt
ofacehi
m
Razor:
"Pri
son.Tomor
row ,
myl
awyerpul
led
t
hroughforme"
Me:
"wer
en'
tyoui
nAxe'
spl
ace?"
Razor:"iWasbutt
heyfoundloophol
esinthecase
andthatgotmeoutofherebecausei
t'
snotasoli
d
onesoeveryt
hingwasdropped."
Me:
"Idon'
tknowwhatt
osay"
Ir
eal
lydi
dn'
tknowwhatt
osay.
Me:
"Iam happyf
oryou"
Isai
dwi t
htear
sandhepl
acedhi
shandsonmy
cheek.
Razor:
"don'
tcr
y"
Me:
"Iam notcr
ying.Ir
eal
lyam happyf
oryou"
HehuggedmeandIhuggedhi
m back.
Razor:
"Idon'
twantt
ogo"
Me:
"Go.Theyneedyououtt
her
e"
Razor:
"Youneedmei
nher
e"
Me:
"Iwi
llt
akecar
eofmysel
f."
Razor:
"Unat
hi"
Me:
"Mshi
ka"
Hechuckl
ed.
Razor:
"don'
ttemptme"
Me:
"Go"
Razor:
"Ok"
West
ayedinsi
lence.Icamehereal
oneandIhave
t
osur
viveal
one.Justwonder
inghow
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

Iwaswokenupbysomeonewhowasshaki ngme
outofsleep.Iam sot
iredandIneedt
hissl
eepbut
thi
spersonisdist
urbi
ngme.
Me:
"mmmh"
"Andi
swawakeup"
Iopenedmyeyessl owl
ybli
ndedbythel
ightandt
ry
toadjustt
hem bef
oreIam metbydadwhoi s
l
ookingatme.
Me:
"Dad"
Dad:
"wakeupsl
owl
y.Zi
khal
iissl
eepi
ngonyou"
Inoddedandwokeupsl
owl
yhol
dingZi
khal
iand
dadtookhi
m andwalkedawayt omyroom.I
yawnedbefor
egett
ingoffthecouchandImademy
waytothekit
chenanddranksomewat er
.Hecame
i
nandwehugged.
Dad:
"Iwasst
art
ingt
othi
nkIdon'
thaveadaught
er"
Me:
"youdo.Howar
eyoudad?
"
Dad:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Me:
"Imi
ssedyout
oo."
Webr
oket
hehug.
Dad:
"Jabul
il
eiscomi
ngnextweek"
Me:
"ohmyGod.Shei
sgoi
ngt
otor
mentme"
Welaughed.Il
oveauntyJabul
il
e.Shei
sthechil
led
oneouti
feveryoneathome.Idi
shedupfordad.
Dad:
"Ar
en'
tyoueat
ing?"
Me:
"No.Iwi
lleataf
terIhaveseenNt
ethel
elo"
Hef
rowns.
Dad:
"youar
enotgoi
ngout
side"
Me:
"dad"
Dad:
"heshoul
dcomei
n"
Me:
"Ah"
Dad:
"Imeani
tAndi
swa."
Me:
"okok.Iwi
llt
ellhi
m"
Dad:
"youbet
ter"
Me:
"youar
ebi
tt
er"
Hepout
eddandwel
aughed.Imi
ssedhi
m shame
.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Assoonast hestudentswal kedi

n.Iwasal lsmiles.
Shewaswi t
hherf r
iendwhoIdon' tknowwhat '
sher
namebutshewasl aughingatsomet hingIpresume
shehadsaid.Theygett otheirst
ationsandthey
star
ttowork.MyPAi staki
ngnot eswhi l
eIwalk
aroundandobserveatwhatandhowt heyaredoi ng
thei
rwork.Igett
othegroupnextt
omeandt
hey
aredoi
ngani mpressi
vejob.
Me:
"Keepupt
hegoodwor
k"
Gi
rl:
"(smi
li
ng)Thankyousi
r"
Iwal
kedof
f
PA:"Ir
eal
lyr
emarkabl
eputti
ngtheseki
dsi
nabox
ofhowourworl
disoperat
ing."
Me:
"thewor
ldi
srevol
vingnow"
Shenods.IreachSi
yamt
handa'
sgr
oupandIl
ookat
thei
rwork.
Me:
"Whomadet
hechanges?"
Guy:"itwasSi
yamt
handa'
sIdeat
omaket
he
changes"
Si
yamthanda:
"mainl
ybecauseofhowtheAndr
oid
i
ssupposedtoadj
ustandfunct
ionasal
lhuman
l
imbs."
Il
ookedather
.
Me:
"awor
d"
Si
ya:
"But.
..
"
Me:
"Now"
Iwal
kedof
fgoi
ngt
omyof
fi
ce.Shef
oll
owedr
ight
i
n.
Me:
"cl
oset
hedoor"
Siya:
"LookIam sor
ryi
fImessedupyoursmar
t
theor
ybut..
..
."
Iki
ssedherl
ipsandsheoutherhandsonmy
shoul
der
s.Ibroketheki
ss.
Me:
"Imi
ssedyou"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Iam r
ighther
e"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
"Ij
ustki
ssedt
ouchi
ngyou"
Si
ya:
"OhMrKhumal
o"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Ican'
tkeepmyhandst
omysel
f"
Si
ya:
"tr
ypl
ease.Justf
or2hour
s"
Me:
"t
akebat
hroom br
eaksandswi
ngbyher
e"
Si
ya:
"Iwi
llseeyouathomeAyanda"
Iki
ssedherl
ips.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Shenodded.
.
.
.
*
RAZOR*

Unathi:
"causenothi
ngiseverasi
tseems,butwith
youeveryt
hingi
sexactl
yandi tmakesmegocr azy,
nanamybaby.I t
'sanhonourtoknowyou,sogladI
canholdyou.Whenyou'recloset
ome. .
..
..
..
"
Me:
"whatar
eyoumumbl
ing?"
Unathi:
"Iam si
nging.Easyont
heheadandyou
havebeendoingittoolong"
Me:
"pat
ience"
Unat
hi:
"socl
ichecomi
ngf
rom you"
Me:
"youar
esayi
ngIam abadper
son"
Unat
hi:
"youareani
nter
est
ingsomeonewi
th
i
nter
est
ingmoods"
Me:
"Real
ly?"
Unat
hi:
"real
ly.,
Razorqedayhuu(r
azorf
ini
shup)
"
Me:
"doyoueverseeyour
sel
fget
ti
ngmar
ri
edagai
n
?"
Il
ookedather
.Shebi
therbot
tom l
ipandsi
ghed.
Unat
hi:
"Ioutmyexhusbandthroughtoomuch.I
don'
twantanyr
elat
ionshi
paf
terever
ythi
ng"
Me:
"mmmh"
Unat
hi:
"anddon'
tgetmar
ri
edwi
thoutmeoutof
t
hispl
ace"
Me:
"youwi
llst
opi
tandbeal
ldr
amat
ic"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Unathi:
"Iwouldn'
t,
imagi
necomi
ngdownt heal
ter
andIbelike,
Razorhowcoul
dyou?After
ever
ythi
ng.Yousaidyouwouldwai
tforme"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"Andt
henIwi
lldr
agyouof
fthatal
terand.
..
"
Unat
hi:
"andwhat
?"
Me:
"if
orgot
.Not
hing"
If
ini
shedupandshesatup.
Me:
"youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"
Unat
hi:
"Iam st
art
ingt
oli
kemynat
uralhai
raswel
l
.
"
Shet
ouchedherhead.
Me:
"Iwi
llvi
sityou"
Unat
hi:
"youshoul
dn'
t.I
twi
llbewei
rd"
Me:
"how?"
Unat
hi:
"Idon'
tknowbutno"
Me:
"Iwon'
tli
stent
oyou"
Unat
hi:
"foroncepl
easedo,wehadanagr
eement
andnowyouarebendingi
t"
Me:
"agr
eement
schangeandr
ulesgetbr
oken!
"
Unat
hi:
"whyar
eyoushout
ing?"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Isai
dcal
mly
Unat
hi:
"Weshoul
dst
ickt
oouragr
eement"
Ipull
edhertomeandkissedherandshe
responded.Ipl
acedheronmeandheldherwai
st.
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
o"
Iki
ssedherneck.
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
oleave"
Unat
hi:
"go"
Shesai
dsof
tl
y.
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
oleaveyouUnat
hi"
Myt
hroatwasbur
ning.
Unathi:
"wehavet
ogoourseper
ateways.Iam
sor
ry"
Shelookedatmeandhereyeswer
ebl
oody.I
noddedandgaveheraperk.
Me:
"ti
llIseeyou"
Sheburiedherheadonmychestandcr
ied.Ican
hearherti
nysobs.Ihel
dhercl
osetomeand
breat
hedout.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
39] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t78

*
NTETHELELO*

IpackedLetho'sthi
ngsinababybagandIpi cked
herup.Ireall
yneedanannyl i
kehowAndi swa
suggested.Iwalkedoutofthenurseryandwent
downt hestai
rsbeforeIgotoutofthehouseandI
buckl
edherupi nhercarchair.Icl
osedthedoor
andwentt othefrontandgotinbefor
edrivi
ngof ft
o
Ayanda'
shouse.Myphonevi brat
edandi twas
Andiswa.It
ookmyphoneandcheckedt he
messageanditsaidweshoul dmeetinside.Idon't
wanttoseeherfather
.Themanmaybequi etbutI
knowhedoesn'tli
keme.Idr oveint
oAyanda' s
houseandalr
eadyaunt ywaswai t
ingformewi th
MamuBal u.
Iparkedandt heyrushedtome.
Aunt
y:'angi
yaziphelaMinakahl
elenganeezal
wa
umsangano(Idon'tknownthi
schil
dofyoursthat
i
sbornbyament alcase)"
Shesayst
aki
ngLet
howi
thhercarseat
.
Me:
"mychi
ldi
snotament
alcaseaunt
y"
Aunty:"angishongonj
alo.Eyinawe
unkungikwinyi
saamagama(Idi dn'
tsayt
hat
.You
andputtingwor dsi
nmymout h)"
Me:
"ever
ythi
ngyou.
..
..
."
Aunty:
"weknowhowt
otakecar
eofachi
ld.Go
al
ready"
Me:
"thankyouaunt
y"
Iwal
kedt
othecarandgoti
nbef
oredr
ivi
ngof
fto
Mamel
odi

*ANDI
SWA*

Ihadal readysentNt ethelel

oamessagest ati
ngthat
heshoul dcomei nsidewhenhear r
ives.Iknowhe
readitjustdon'tknowhowher eceivedeveryt
hing
sinceever yt
hingissourbet weenourf amily'
s.Iwas
changingZi khali
'snappyaf terhisnap.I twasa
reall
ylongone.Idi sposedt henappyi naplasti
c.
Heonl ypeedsot herewasnot hingmessybef oreI
changedhi m back.It ookhisbot t
lefrom thewater
j
ugasIwasmaki ngi twarm sinceitwashotand
carri
edhi m andf edhi m whi
lewal kingout.
Me:
"Babaguesswhohaswokenup"
Dad:
"comeher
eAndi
swa"
Iwentt
othel
oungeandNt
ethel
elowasal
ready
ther
e.
Dad:
"si
tdown"
Isatdown.
Dad:"Iam si
ckandti
redofyouandt
hisboy'
s
uncer
tai
nlovestor
y"
Me:
"dad.
..
..
"
Dad:
"don'
tint
err
uptmeAndi
swa"
Ikeptquietandl
ookedatNt
ethel
elowhowasgi
ving
dadattenti
on.
Dad:
"You"
Het
urnedt
oNt
ethel
elo.
Dad:"Iwouldneverchoosewhomydaught er
shoul
dl ovebutwit
hyou, youhavebr oughtnothing
butpainandburdeni nherli
fe.Youwer eamar r
ied
manyetyouusedmydaught erandbr okeherheart.
Youshoul dhavel
eftherli
ket hati
fyouwer egoing
tobri
ngmor epainintoherli
fe.Shewasst abbedby
yourwifeforYOURf ool
ishness.Youi mpregnated
heral
latonce !!"
Her ai
sedhisvoi
ceabit.Dadhasneverhada
reasontorai
sehisvoi
cebefor
eevenifyouseet
hat
heshould,Iguessit'
smessedup.
Dad:
"Andi
swami
ghtnotr
eal
isei
tbutIdo,
thatshe
mighthaveZi khal
irightnow.Idon' tknowi fit'
syou
orThenextmanaf teryouwhoshewi lllove.But
oncesheget smar r
iedandyouwantmor ekidsshe
willfai
ltodosoandr emembert hisifyouwi llend
upi nalif
etimecommi t
mentt hatit'
sal lyourfaul
t!!
Don'tyouevenImeanevencar eoncemakeherf eel
ashamedofi tbecausei t
'salli
nyouandyour
fooli
shness.Youshoul dhaveBenhonestwi t
hher.
Andi swaisyoungandi t'
sherf i
rsttimei nlove.She
willbeconfusedandal lbutyouhavedoneenough
damageandcl ai
mt ol oveher"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Idol
oveherMrBhengu"
Dad:"udotirubbi
shlowonaweuyazi !I
f
ubumthandangabeumt shel
i
leukuthiuzingenel
aini
ngimuthandananawe.(That'
srubbishandyou
knowit!Ifyoulovedheryouwouldhavet ol
dher
whatshei sgoingint
oifshefal
lsforyou) "
Me:
"Babayehl
isaumoya(dadcal
m down)
"
Dad:"Iwon'tcal
m down.Asaparentt
oseeyour
chi
ldtothr
oughsomuchbecauseofast rangerI
wil
lnotcal
m down, Iwi
llnotl
etgoofhowmy
daughtercr
iesf
oramanwhodoesn' tappr
eci
ate
her.Youarebarrenbecauseofhi
m Andi
swa,hi
m
!!
"
Me:
"Dadi
t'
senough"
Il
ookedathim andtherewassil
ence.Hi seyes
wereglossyandhishandwasshaki ng.Hestoodup
andwalkedawayandIst oppedfeedingZikhal
iand
helookedatme.IlookedatNtet
helelobuthewas
l
ostinhisownthoughts.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ididn'
ttakebreaksli
kehowAyandasai dIshould.
Hei saveryli
kableguybutIdon'twanttogiveall
myhear tonl
yt obehurtl
ikeTri
stan.I
t'
sgonnat ake
ti
mef ormet ofull
yopenuptohim andgi vehim
Siyamthanda.
Seset
hu:
"wowt
eam i
twor
ks"
Me:
"Andi
t'
sjustt
hef
inger
s"
Seset
hu:
"wewi
llgett
hear
mssoon"
Wetookoffourgoggl
esandpackedup.Ourt
ime
wasout.
Seset
hu:
"whenar
eyoucomi
ngback?Imi
ssyou"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowbutIwi
llbebacksoon"
Seset
hu:
"pl
easebabes"
Herphonebeepsandshet
akesi
tout
.
Seset
hu:
"Ihavet
ogo.Mncwaa"
Shewal kedoutandIgi
ggled.If
inishedupbef ore
walkingoutliket
her
estIwenttotheelevat
orand
gotin.IclosedmyeyeswhenIsawAyandai nside.
Ayanda:
"Iknewyouwoul
dtr
yandr
unawayf
rom
me"
Ist
oodnextt
ohi
m.
Me:
"itwoul
dlooki
nappr
opr
iat
eleavi
ngwi
thyou"
Ayanda:
"youar
emywomannj
esoIdon'
tseeyour
poi
nt"
Me:
"youwon'
t"
Ayanda:
"canIhavedi
nnerwi
thyou?"
Me:
"wher
e?"
Ayanda:
"wewi
llgohomebutIwantt
ohavedi
nner
wit
hyou"
Me:
"uhm oksur
e."
Hel
ooksatme.
Ayanda:"Si
yamthandaIwil
lneverhur
tyou.Iam
notTri
stanandIwon'tbehi
m .Iam AyandaandI
l
oveyou."
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ayanda:"i
t'
soktobecaut
iousbut
.Don'
tbescar
ed.
Iam yourpr
otect
or"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"thankyouMnt
ungwa"
Ayanda:
"comeher
e."
Me:
"theel
evat
orwi
llopenanysecond."
Hepressedabut
tonandi
tst
oppedandpul
ledme
t
ohim.
Ayanda:"Iknowi
tmightmakeyoufeell
ikeIam
runni
ngbutIcan'
tcont
ainmysel
f.Iwishyouwere
minefor
ever"
Iwassi
lent
.
Me:"Pl
easebegent
leAyanda.Iwoul
dn'
ttakei
t
agai
n."
Tear
swer
ebur
ningmyeyes.
Ayanda:"Iwon'
t.Iwon'
thur
tyouMakaSi
yanda.
Ngiyakut
handaMam'Khumal
owami(Iloveyou
MrsKhumal o)
"
Isi
ghed.Hewi
pedmyt
ear
sandper
kedmyl
ips.
Ayanda:
"t
rustme"
Inoddedandhuggedhi
m andhehuggedmeback.
.
.
.
[
3daysl
ater]
*
UNATHI*

Iwasl ayingont hebedwhi l

elookingupatbot tom
ofthi suncomf ortablebedaboveme.Razorwas
rel
easedandwel astsaweachot herthatday.He
mademepr omiseal ot.ThatIdon'tstopgoingt o
thoseangergr oupsandal soIshouldkeepon
fi
ndi ngmysel f
.Hesai dIshouldrememberIam
doingal lofthi
stobet termyselforourdaught er.He
i
sr ight.Iwon' tstopbecauseIam doi ngthisfor
Letho.Ichuckl eathowhei sstubbornatother
thi
ngs.Hei ssoftyetrawandhar dcore,Something
Ntethel eloneverwas.Iwantt or i
ghtmywr ongs.I
havel ear nedli
ttl
ethingi nherethatallt
hatspar kl
es
willturndul lorvanish.Iam layingherebecauseI
haveaheadacheabi t
.Ididdrinkwaterbutitwas
gettingmewoozysoIdeci dedt orestabit.
"
Bar
biegal!
"
Oneoft
hei
nmat
escal
lsoutt
omebutIi
gnor
e.
"Eyiwenangi
yakubi
za(heyyouIam cal
li
ngyou)
"
Asl
apl
andsonmyf
aceandIsi
tupandshepul
l
s
mebymyar mroughl
y,t
heot
heri
nmat
esare
shout
ingsayi
ng"MshayeMgezamshaye!
!(
hither
Mgezahither!
)"
Mgeza:
"nobodyguar
dnow.Dol
lface"
Sheaimedf
ormyneckbutIki
ckedherbef
oreshe
sl
appedmeagai
n.
Mgeza:
"whoar
eyouhi
tt
ing!
"
Shewashummi
ngi
nforanot
herone.
"Voet
sekl
aphobhar
i!(pi
ssof
ffool!
)"
Ivomi
tedont
hef
loorandever
yonest
eppedback.
Mgeza:
"si
es"
"Unat
hi!
"
Ifel
tli
ghtheadedbef
oreIfai
ntedandIcouldhear
dist
antvoi
cesandcell
sbeingopenbutIcouldn'
t
openmyeyes.Theyfeltver
yheavy.Mythroatwas
sore.
"Unat
hi!"
Icouldn'
tseewhowascall
ingmebutIcoul
dhear
thei
rdist
antvoi
cebef
oreIwascar
ri
edfrom t
he
f
loor
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
39] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t79

*
NTETHELELO*

uncl
e:"uqi
nisi
lengal
esi
snqumoMf
anawam ?
(Ar
e
yousureaboutthi
sdeci
sion?
)"
Me:
"YeboMal
ume(yesuncl
e)"
Dad:"umuntuuzoshonai
ninani
badal
aKangaka(a
per
sonwilldi
ewithyoual
latthi
sage)"
Il
ookedatt
hem.
Zamani:
"Wecan'
tst
opNt
ethel
elo"
Dad:
"Iknow."
Me:
"thankyou"
Uncl
e:"wej
ustdon'
twanthi
stor
yrepeat
ingi
tsel
f"
Ayanda:
"ehbohMnt
ungwa"
Hegr
abbedt
hei
rat
tent
ion.
Ayanda:"Namikukwabakhonai nt
okazi
engi
yiboni
lekwaNt ul
i(Ihaveal
soseenafl
ower
fr
om theNtuligar
den)"
Dad:"WoahImani
.Nikhul
umil
enal
ama
Ntombazane?(Haveyoutal
kedt
othesegi
rl
s.?
)"
Ayanda:"Wehavetouchedonthesubj
ectbef
ore.
Evenifi
t'
snotof
fi
cialIj
ustwanttodor
ightbyher
befor
eshesli
psfrom myfi
ngers."
It
hinkAyandai
sobsessedwit
hSiyamthanda.Not
i
nabadwaybuthel oveshert
oomucht hathe
wishest
heycoul
dskipthedat
ingst
agealready.
Dad:
"OhNkosi
"
Thel
o:"l
ett
hem bebaba"
Uncl
e2:
"Asi
funiukuhl
azeka(wedon'
twantt
obe
embar
rassed)"
Me:
"Iwantt
odor
ightbyher"
Dad:"Whendoyou'
Bot
h'si
nceIshoul
dincl
ude
yourbr
other
."
Hel
ookedatAyanda.Hei
squi
etsmi
tt
en.
Dad:"whendoyouwantust
ogovi
sitt
hehouse
hol
dsofthesewomen.?
"
Wel
ookateachot
her
.
Me:
"Mont
hend."
Dad:
"Ayanda"
Ayanda:"Same,
thel
ett
ergoest
otheBhengu'
s
fi
rstbaba"
Uncl
e:"kant
iukhet
hekhona?(Youchosef
rom
t
here?)"
Henodded.
Dad:"kant
iyi
nii
nkingayenu?Inkingaphezulu
kwenye(Whatisbothofyour
spr oblem.?Troubl
e
overt
roubl
e)"
Ayanda:"It
'snottr
oublebaba.Ntethel
elol
oves
Andiswaandshehasshownt obet hewomanhe
hasbeenlongingfor.Il
oveSiyamthandavery
much.Yesi twasunexpectedanditmayseem
rushedbutIdon'twanttododamagebef or
eIdo
what'sr
ight"
Dad:
"whydon'
tyouwai
t?"
Ayanda:"evenifIwai
titwi
llsti
llbethesamelove.I
wil
lsti
llwanttomakeherpar toftheKhumalo
famil
y,sameasnow.Ther eisnodi ff
erence"
Mbongeni:
"thi
sIgonnabehard.Alr
eadyt
heyhat
e
usKhumalo'
sbecauseofNt
ethelel
o"
Ayanda:"thenlet'
smakei tri
ght.Let
'sf
ixt
he
tensi
onthatisthere.Iam notwil
li
ngtoendthi
s
yearwit
houtSiyamt handabeingaKhumalo"
Dad:
"Owut
hel
eMfanaokubabayo(Poursome
whi
skyf
orme.)
"
Zamanidoesandhandsi
ttodadandhegul
psi
t
down.
Dad:
"Thi
sisst
ressf
ul"
Uncle:"wewi
llseewhenwegett
her
e.Iguesswe
shouldsendt
helett
ers."
Me:
"Thankyou"
Theyst
oodup.
Dad:"MamZobekuhambakanj
aniebhodweni(how
i
sitgoi
ngwit
hthecooki
ng?)"
Theywal
kedof
f.
Zamani:
"Ayandayouhaven'
tevenf
ini
sheda
monthwit
hSiyamthanda"
Me:
"tel
lmeabouti
t.Ar
eyousur
e?"
Ayanda:
"Ver
y.Il
oveher"
Thel
o:"Justbuymemor
ewhi
sky"
Me:
"youcanf
orgett
hat"
Zamani:
"Lastweekhemademebuyt
wobot
tl
es."
Ayanda:
"met
oo"
Thel
o:"youof
fer
ed"
Weshookourheads.Ihopethi
sproposalwi
llbe
appr
ovedandthatMrBhenguaccept
sacowasan
apol
ogy.west
oodupaswel
landwentt
ojoi
ninf
or
di
nner.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

AuntyJabul i
lewasher eandIwassohappy.She
wasst uckonZi khalithewhol eti
meandIgotsome
ti
met orel
ax.Ihaven' tseenNt ethelel
osincet he
dayDadgavehi m anear f
ul.Igotoneaswel lthat
daybutt henetmor ningwemadeupandhuggedi t
out.Iam soont ogetmyr esult
si fIam graduating
nextyearornot .AlsoDecemberi sappr oachingsoI
don'tknowhowever ythi
ngwi l
lwor kout.Iwas
watchi ngsomeTVwhenaunt yJabul i
lecamei n
holdingZikhaliandsatnextt ome.
Jabuli
le:
"fi
rebombnal
ent
oyakho(Yourbabyi
sa
fi
rebomb)"
Me:
"aunt
yJabs"
Shel
aughed
Jabul
il
e:"Awuponindzena.(Babytal
k)uyi
hlo
wakhomakeeyisdidi
nyanakodwaumuhle(your
fat
heri
sabitofafoolbutyouarehandsome)"
Me:
"Pl
easedon'
tsayt
hatt
omychi
ld"
Jabul
il
e:"oksor
ryke.Wher
eispi
nkl
ips.?It
hought
youwerewithhi
m."
Me:
"thatendedl
ongago.I
twasn'
twor
king"
Jabul
il
e:"Isee."
MyphonebuzzedandIt
ooki
tandi
twasNt
ethel
elo
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"canIseeyou?
"
Me:
"Why?"
Iwasabi
tangry.Dayswit
houtt
alki
ng.Idi
dn'
tsay
myfat
hershoul
dvoiceouthi
sfeeli
ngs.
Ntethel
elo:"I
t'
simpor
tant
.It
'
saboutusandour
l
it
tlefamily"
Me:"Ntet
helel
owearenotmar
ri
ed.Wej
usthavea
chi
ldt
ogetherandar
edati
ng"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.CanIseeyou?
"
Me:
"sur
e"
Iputmyphoneaway.
Jabul
il
e:"youl
ikeugl
yli
keyousuckedal
emon"
Me:"Nt
ethel
elogoesMIAf
ordaysknowi
nghehas
achi
ldt
henhewant st
oseeme"
Jabuli
le:
"Maybet
oexpl
ainwhyhehasn'
tbeen
taki
ngtoyou"
Me:
"Maybe"
MaybeIam j
ustbei
ngdr
amat
ic."
Jabul
il
e:"i
sGener
ati
onspl
ayi
ng?"
Me:
"noi
tst
il
lthenews"
Shenodded.Zi
khal
iyawnedandwel
ookedathi
m.
Jabul
il
e:"Iam goi
ngt
oputhi
m down."
Me:
"thankyou"
Shewalkedoffwit
hhim.It
extedSi
yamt
handa.I
haven'
ttal
kedtoheri
nawhil
e.
Me:
"Mzal
a(cousi
n)"
Si
yamt
handa:
"Mzal
a.Howar
eyou?"
Me:
"ishoul
dbeaski
ngyout
hat"
Siyamthanda:
"Uthandophel
alwangishayakodwa
sengidl
uli
le(l
ovehitmebutIhavepassedthat)
"
Me:
"Iam happyf
oryou.Youdeser
vebet
ter"
Si
yamt
handa:
"yescousi
n.Ei
shIhavet
ogo"
Me:
"fastso,
Isenseaman"
Siyamthanda:"Noman.Musaukubhedawena
(don'tbesil
ly)"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iam j
ustsayi
ng"
Si
yamt
handa:
"bye"
Me:
"bye"
Ilockedmyphoneandwenttotheki
tchentodri
nk
somewat er.Dadwasasl
eepal
ready.Hiswork
shift
shavebeenbusyt
hisweeksoheneedssome
rest.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Ifinishedcar ryingonmyassi gnment .Iwashappy

witht hepr ogressIwasmaki ngbyt heway.Aunt y
Khul isiwewasatNt ethelel
o'shousesoIwasl eft
withMamuBal u.Shewasi nhercot t
age.Ideci ded
tobat handt henaf terIgotdr essedinmypyj amas
andgownandIwentdownt hest air
s.It hink
Tristani sof fmybackbecauseIhaven' tbeen
gettinganyt hr eateningcal l
sl ikeanyot herabuser.
Imi sst her esl ifebutIlikeither easwel l
.Mom
woul dki llmei fshef i
ndsoutIl i
vewithaman.I
makeasandwi chformysel fandIdr inksomemi l
k.
It'
squi et .Imi ssAyanda, Hei sr eal
lyagr eatman.
Sogent leandsweetaswel l.Hemakesmef eel
thingsIneverf el
tbeforeandahugesmi l
ei sonmy
face.Il aughi toffandIst andupwi t
ht hedishes
andwal ktot hesi nk.Ishoul dn'tcompar ehimt o
Tristan.Iam scar edbuthi sgent l
enessandl ove
makesmewantt ogivehi m allofmebutIam
scar ed.Iwasht hedishesandIputt hem away, I
turnar oundandIst artcleaningt hekitchenj ustto
keepmysel
fbusy.Justi
magi
nemebei
nga
MakaSi
yanda.Ilaughonmyown
Me:
"di
stantdr
eam "
Isayandcar
ryoncl
eani
ng.
"Thi
nki
ngaboutme?"
It
urnedandhewal
kedi
n.
Me:
"howl
onghaveyoubeenst
andi
ngt
her
e?"
Heperksmyl
ipsandputt
hecarkeysont
he
count
er.
Ayanda:"l
ongenought
oseeyousmi
le,
l
aughand
say'di
stantdr
eam '
"
Isi
gh.Hedi
dn'
thearwhatwasi
nmyheadIt
hink.
Me:
"howwasyourday?"
Ayanda:
"itwasok."
Het
akesthedishcl
othf
rom myhandsandputi
ton
t
hecount
er."
Ayanda:
"cuddl
ingwi
thyouwi
llbewonder
fult
oday
"
Me:
"ok"
Hetookmyhandandwewal kedupthestairs
swit
chingoffthelights.Wegott ohi
sbedroom and
hestri
ppedoffhiscl othesandhewasi nhis
underwear.Iclosedmyeyesandhechuckl edandI
heardsomeshuf fl
ingbef orehetoldmeIcanopen
myeyes.Idi dandl ookedathi .Hewasinbr i
efs
now.It ookoffmygownandwegoti nbedandhe
hel
dme.Ther ewassi lenceforamoment .
Me:
"whenam Il
eavi
ng?Iam sur
eit
'ssaf
enow"
Hei
ssi
lent
.
Ayanda:"Whati
fthi
sweekwasourl
astweekt
obe
t
ogether?"
Myhear
twasbeat
ingf
ast
.
Me:
"whatdoyoumean?"
Ayanda:"j
ustint
heor
ythought
s.Justi
magi
neit
,whati
fIwasdyingfr
om somethi
ngandIhad
anweekwithyou"
Me:"
Iwil
lbest
rongforyou.Iwi
llspendmoment s
wi
thyouandmakingsureyourl
astdaysfeelhappy
"
Ayanda:
"whati
fIdi
etomor
row?
"
Me:
"Iwoul
dtr
yspendi
ngmoment
swi
thyou"
Ayanda:
"whati
fIdi
einanhour?
"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Ayanda:
"inasecond"
Myt
hroatwasbur
ning
Me:
"Ayandadon'
ttal
kaboutdeat
hpl
ease"
Ayanda:
"Iam j
ustaski
ng"
Tear
sst
reameddownmyeyes.
Me:"Iwoul
dn'
tknowhowtomoveonfrom i
t.I
t
woul
dpainmesoverymuch,
Pleasel
et'
sstop"
Ayanda:
"Iam sor
ry"
Isni
ff
ed.Hepul
ledmecl
osert
ohi
m.
Ayanda:"Iam sorr
yMthanda..Idi
dn'
tmeanto
makeyouemot ional
.Il
oveyouokandIwon'tdie
t
il
lIam grey"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oAyanda"
Iwasshaki
ng.Hehel
dmet
ight
ly.
Ayanda:
"shhh"
Ikeptonsni
ff
ing.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwashedthedishesaftereatingandt henNt ethel

elo
sentamessaget hatheisout si
de.Itoldaunt y
Jabul
il
eandhesai dshei swat chi
nghi m.Ilaughed
andIwalkedoutandopenedt hegat e.Hewas
alr
eadystandi
ngout si
dehi scar.Iapproachedhi m
andwehuggedandheper kedmyl ips.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:
"it
'sok.Ij
ustmi
ssedyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"met
oo.Let
'sgeti
nthecar"
Wegotinthecarandt
herewassi
lence.Real
si
lencef
orabout20minut
es.
Me:
"Somet
hingwr
ong?"
Ntet
helel
o:"Imetupwi
thmyf
ami
lyt
oday.My
uncl
e'sspeci
fi
cal
ly"
Me:
"ok"
Heshi
ft
edandl
ookedatme.Hehel
dmyhands.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swaIwantt
obeyourhusband"
Me:
"uhm .
..
..
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantust
ogetmar
ri
ed."
Me:"iunderst
andthat
.Youhavesai
dthat
count
lessti
mes."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youar
emaki
ngmener
vous"
Me:
"sor
ry."
Ntethel
elo:"(cl
earthroat)myf ami
lyi
ssendinga
l
ettertoyourfamil
yf oryourhandinmarr
iage"
Me:
"No(shocked)Nt
ethel
elo"
Ij
ustl
ostwor
ds.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantust
obui
ldahomewi
thyouas
MrsKhumalo"
Me:
"I.
..
I.
..Nt
ethel
elo"
Idi
dn'tr
eal
lyknowwhattosay.Alotr
oamedi
nmy
mind.Onlysi
lencef
il
ledt
hecar.

.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
40] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t80

*
ANDI
SWA*

Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swa"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"saysomet
hingMaNgcol
osi"
Ismi
ledandhedi
dthesame.
Me:
"Ihearyoui
t'
sjustIdi
dn'
texpecti
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wet
alkedabouti
t"
Me: "Iknow.Ij
ustdi
dn'
texpecti
ttohappent
his
year"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wel
l..
..
?"
Me:
"Iwoul
dlovet
omar
ryyouMbul
azi"
Thosedimpl
es,t
heymadememelt.Hehel
dmy
cheeksandki
ssedmeandIr
esponded.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Thankyou.Iam sor
ryaboutt
hewayI
handl
edthi
ngswit
hLetho"
Me:
"iam pastt
hatNt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam st
il
lsor
ry"
Me:
"West
il
lneedt
ocar
ryont
aki
ngt
her
apy"
Ntet
helel
o:"Iagr
eejusthopeyourf
atherdoesn'
t
r
ejectmyrequest"
Me:
"met
oo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouSugarpl
um "
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMbul
azi"
West ayedinthecarandtal
kedaboutwhatwe
expectanddon'tneedfr
om eachother.Ican't
beli
eveIam goingtobepaidforandbesomeone' s
wifeifever
ythi
nggoeswel l
.IloveNtethel
eloandI
don'tseeanyothermantoshar eafuturewit
heit
her
thanhim.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

IopenedmyeyesandIl ookedaroundmy
surroundi ngsandIwasst i
lli
nprison.Ithoughtthey
woul dt akemet ot hehospi
talbutno.Theyt ookme
tothenur seandshegavemewat erandapi lland
tol
dmet ogosl eep.Ithoughtit
'safoodr eacti
on.I
sti
llthinkso.Isatupandl ookedbymysi deand
therewer etwoladiesthatwerejustsit
ti
ngand
chatting.Onest oodupandcamet owardsme.The
restwer easleepbyt hel
ookofthings.
"Unat
hir
ight?
"
Inodded.Shesatnextt
ome.
Her:"Noneedtoknowme.Justknowt
her
ear
e
peoplekeepi
nganeyeonyou"
Me:
"uhm t
hanks."
Her:
"Youdon'
tseem l
ikeaspeci
alcase"
Me:
"Iam not"
Shenoddedandst oodupbef orewalki
ngoff
.Iput
myf eetdownandt ryfeltabitshaky.Iheldthem
andsi ghed.Whati sgoingon?Att histi
meIwould
bei nthi
scel lri
ghtnow.Iwoul dbewi t
hRazor,I
wast i
llinprisonbutitwasbet t
er.Ilai
dbackonthe
bedandl ookedup.Iwonderhowhei sdoi
ngout
there?Pr obablydoinggr eat.IclosedmyeyesandI
slept.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*
Itwasmor ning.Aringingphonewaswhatwokeme
upandt hesunr ayscont ri
butedtomewaki ngup.I
slowlyremovedAyanda' sarmsaroundmeandI
rubbedmyeyesbef oresear chi
ngforthatri
nging
phoneandi twasmi ne.ItookitanditwasAndi swa
andits6am.Godcan' tshesleep?Igr oaned
beforeanswer i
ng.
Andi
swa:
"Mzal
a!!
(cousi
n)"
Ir
emovedt
hephonef
rom myearbef
oreshebur
sts
i
t.
Me:"Mzal
aumsi
ndoekuseni(Cousi
n,suchnoi
se
i
nthemorni
ng)
"
Ayandashi
ft
edandfel
tthatIhadremovedhi s
handsandwrappedt
hem again.At
leastIhadsatup.
Andi
swa:"It
riedtocont
aini
tbutIcan'
tletsuch
newski
llmeinside"
Me:
"Goodorbad?"
Andi
swa:
"Amazi
ngnews"
Me:
"youar
egr
aduat
ing?
"
Andi
swa:
"no,
Idon'
tknowyet
.Ther
esul
tshaven'
t
comeout
."
Me:
"Mal
umegotat
ender
?"
Andi
swa:"Ngal
iphiibhi
zini
siSi
yamt
handa(wi
th
whatbusi
nessSiyamthanda?)"
Me:
"Youcanr
egi
sterone"
Andi
swa:
"It
'saboutme"
Me:
"youpr
egnant?"
Andi
swa:
"Si
yamt
handa!"
Me:
"oksor
ry.Youcant
alk"
Andi
swa:
"Iam get
ti
ngmar
ri
ed"
Shesqueel
ed.
Me:
"woahwhat
!?"
Ayandagr
oansandIshutmymout
h
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
eloi
ssendi
ngal
ett
erhome."
Me:
"wowIam sohappyf
oryou"
Andi
swa:
"Iam happyt
oo.Il
ovehi
m"
Me:
"youReal
lydo.Youst
ayedshameMi
naI
woul
dn'
thave"
Andi
swa:"whenyouaredeepinl
ove.Youwon'tsee
anot
herper
sontolovet
hantheoneInf
rontofyou"
Me:
"whendoyouknow?
"
Andi
swa:"Youjustknow ,
l
ookwenavi
sityour
mom ist
hissi
de"
Me:
"Iwi
ll
."
Andi
swa:
"gobackt
osl
eep"
Igi
ggl
eandshehungup.Iputmyphonedown.
Ayanda:
"Comesl
eepagai
n"
Me:
"Idon'
thavesl
eep"
Ayanda:
"War
m met
hen"
Me:
"ar
en'
tyouwor
kingt
oday?
"
Ayanda:
"Iwi
llseet
hatl
aterSi
yamt
handa"
Inoddedandhepul
ledmet
ohi
m.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyou"
Hecl
osedhi
seyes.
Me:
"I.
..
"
Ikeptqui
et.Iappreci
atet
hathehasn'tt
ri
ed
anythi
ngtogetunderme.MaybeIshoul dn'tbe
holdi
ngmysel fbackandj
ustlovetheguy.Who
knows,maybei twil
lbemybestlove.

.
.
*UNATHI*

Iwokeupi nthemor ni
ngandmyl egswer eok.If el
t
l
ikeIwetmysel forsomethingwaswetandIl ooked
undermeandmyj umpsui
twasbl oody.Iam onmy
peri
odar gh.Igotof fandtheotherslookedatme.
Onecalledt hewardenandsheopenedupandt ook
met ogoandt akeashowerandchangei nto
anotherjumpsui t
.Thebloodwasf ulloffcl
otsand
wasaver yheavyflow.Maybethecont racepti
veis
havingahugei mpactonthisfl
ow.If eltsl
ight
crampsandIknewIwasonmyper iods.
Me:
"Canwepassbyt
henur
se?"
Thewar dennoddedanddr aggedmet her
e.Wegot
ther
eandt henursewasst illbusy.Thepai nwas
unbearableatsomepoi ntbutIdidn'twanttomake
i
tgett ome.Igr oanedwhi lebendingandhol di
ng
myst omach.Wef inal
lygott oseethenurseandI
wassatont hebed.
Nur
se:
"whati
sthepr
obl
em ?"
Me:"myfl
owhasal
otofcl
otsandt
hepai
nus
unbear
abl
e"
Nurse:"bengi
ngaf
uniukushoekuqal
enikodwa
umithi(Idi
dn'
twantt
osayi tbef
orebutyouar
e
pr
egnant) "
Il
aughedt
hrought
hepai
n.
Me:
"itcan'
tbe."
Nur
se:
"itcanbe."
Shel
ookedatt
hedoor
.Itwasonl
yus.
Nur
se:
"Thebabyi
scomi
ngoutnow."
Me:
"ah!
"
Theshar
ppaincameandshelai
dmedownont
he
bedandtookof
fmyjumpsui
t.
Nur
se:
"itwi
llbeoverj
ustwai
t"
Me:
"Whyar
eyoudoi
ngt
his?"
Isai
dcr
ying.
Nur
se:
"Iam hel
pingyougetr
idofapr
isonbaby"
Igr
oanedi
npai
n.
Nurse:
"Sl
eep.Thi
sist
hel
astt
imeyouget
pr
egnanti
nhere"
Itri
edtoclosemyeyes.Ther ewaspai neverywhere.
Idon'tknowwhat '
spainful,
theservercrampsor
thatIam loosi
ngthischil
d.YesIdi dsayLethois
gonnabemyl astchil
dbutneverinmyl ifehaveI
everthoughtofhavinganabor t
ion.Thisisagai
nst
me.Icr iedwhil
eholdingmyst omach.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
40] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t81

*
UNATHI*

Iwassi tti
ngbyt hecor neroft hecel lcryingmysel f.
IthoughtmaybeIwoul df orgetafterbutt hosepains
justcamef loodingi nmymi ndandmaki ngmef eel
i
talsoi nmyhear t.Iti
nfli
cteditsobadl y.Idi dn'
t
knowwhatt odowi thmysel f.Maybei t'
sa
puni shmentofwhatIdi dt oAndiswa, whatI
i
nf l
ictedonNt etheleloforyears.It'
smypuni shment
,Iam notsupposedt ofeel t
hispainbuther eIam
feeli
ngi t10ti
mesmor e.Thenur semadesur ethat
Ishoul dbequi etaboutt hisbutwhataboutRazor .I
knowweneverpl annedofmeget tingpr egnantbut
heseemst odohaveasof tspotforki ds.Ihave
seenhowhej ustlovesmydaught erwi thout
knowi ngherandal waysi nsist
ingthati t's'Our'
daught er.Iwasal oneandcol d.Theot herswentt o
thei
racti
vit
iesandIcoul
dn'
tgotomygroup
becauseIdon'twantt
obether
eatthemoment
.
"whyar
eyoual
one?"
Isni
ff
edandt
ri
edt
ocomposemysel
fwhi
leIwi
pe
mytears.
Me:
"Iam notf
eel
ingwel
l"
Shewalkedin.Sti
llIdon'tknowhername.The
wardenlockedt
hecel l
whenever yonewasinand
wentonaboutthei
rbusi ness.
Her:
"Zi
khi
phani?(Whati
swr
ong?
)"
Me:
"Yi
ndabaunendaba?(Whydoyoucar
e?)
"
Her:
"Idon'
t,butIwantt
oknow"
Me:"Ineedtomakeaphonecal
l.I
t'
simpor
tant
.Do
youthi
nkthewar
denwil
lall
owme.? "
Her:
"got
ry"
Inoddedandst
oodupbeforemakingmywayt
othe
warden.I
twast
hestr
ictonetoday.
Me:
"HicanImakeaphonecal
l?"
Shet
urnedandl
ookedatmeupanddown.
War
den:
"forwhat?"
Me:"Ineedt
ocallaf
amil
ymember.Myaunt
passedonsoIneedt
ohearhowever
ythi
ngi
s"
War
den:
"thi
sisnohot
elf
orCal
lsandcheckups"
Me:
"pl
easej
ustonecal
landIwon'
tbot
her
."
Sheunclockedthecel
landpul
ledmebymyar
m
roughl
yinastronggri
p.
War
den:
"don'
ttr
yanyt
hing"
Shelockedupandwewal kedaway.Thepassages
weredraini
ngme.Thedul l
nessinthisplaceand
darknessfel
tli
keitwast
akingmysoulbi tbybit.I
haveneverreal
izedhowprisonissohorribl
e.Iam
j
ustwonder i
nghowIwi l
lsurvi
ve.5yearsinhere.
Wegetbyt hephonesandshepushesmeandI
reachedthephoneandtakeit.
War
den:
"5mi
nut
es"
Iwasshaking.ItookthephoneandIl
ookedati
t.I
am notsurei
fIrememberanythi
ng.Ibit
emy
bot
tom li
pandtrytorememberwhathisnumberis
butIcouldn't
.Iplacedthephoneback.Ibr eat
hed
outandl i
tt
letearsleftmyeyes.Iwipedthem and
tookthephone.Tr yt orememberUnathi
.I
searchedmyj umpsui tpocket
sandfoundt he
number .Idon'tknowwhoi ti
sbutIwil
ljusthavet
o
try.Idi
alitandputt hephoneonmyear .
War
den:
"3mi
nut
es!"
Sheshout
ed.I
trangawhi
lebef
orei
twasanswer
ed
byafemal
evoice.
Her
:"Hel
lo"
Me:
"Uhm sor
rymusthavebeenawr
ongnumber"
Her
:"ohyesIguess"
"Ubanil
owo?(Whoi
sthat
.?)
"
Her:
"it
'sawr
ongnumber"
Idon'
tknowwhyIhaven'
tdr
opped.Ther
ewas
shuff
li
ngandt
hensomeonespoke
"Ri
nga(t
alk)
"
Myt
hroatbecamedr
y.WhatwasIdoi
ng?
Me:
"Uhm i
t'
sUnat
hi.
..
"
Ihear
dadoorcl
osi
ng.
Razor:
"Unat
hi.Howar
eyou?Youok?Imi
ssyou"
Igi
ggl
ed,
hewast
alki
ngf
ast
.Isni
ff
ed.
Razor:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Razor:
"shoul
dIcomet
her
etomor
row?
"
Me:
"uhm no."
War
den:
"1mi
nut
e!"
Me:
"Ihavet
obequi
ck."
Razor:
"youar
ewor
ryi
ngme."
Me:
"don'
tbe.Uhm Iwaspr
egnant"
Ther
eisabi
tofsi
lenceandmyhear
tski
ppedf
ast
.
Razor:
"whatdoyoumeanwas?"
Me:
"imi
scar
ri
ed.Iam sor
ry"
Icr
ied.Icoul
dhearhi
m cur
se.
Me:"pleasedon'
tcome.Justgr
ieveok.It
hought
youshouldknow."
Razor:
"Unat
hi.
."
Ihungupandhel
dont
othephone.
War
den:
"t
imesup.Let
'sgo"
Shetakesmyar m anddraggedmeaway.At leasthe
knows.Ipr obablyshouldn'
thavet ol
dhim butI
wanthimt oknow.Fr om beingmar ri
edintoa
tr
adit
ionalfamilyIlear
ntthatcleansi
ngisimpor t
ant
andmaybeRazor '
sf amil
ybelievesthatandmaybe
hemightcl eanseforourunbor nbabytonothave
anybadl uckinfuture.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwasdonebat hi
ngandIwenttodisposet
hewater
befor
ewalkinginbacki
nsidet
hehouse.Iwentto
theli
vingr
oom andauntyJabul
il
ewaswat chi
ngTV.
Me:
"aunt
ywami"
Jabul
il
e:"waj
abul
aengat
hibakuni
kil
enj
e(youar
e
sohappyl
iket
heygavei
ttoyou)
"
Me:
"youhavest
art
ed."
Sheshr
ugged.
Me:
"youknowIcant
alkt
oyour
ight?"
Jabul
il
e:"yesyoucan."
Me:
"Nt
ethel
eloi
ssendi
nghi
sfami
ly"
Jabul
il
e:"f
or?"
Me:
"amal
obol
o"
Jabuli
le:
"unamanga..
..
.YhhuuuMnt akaBhuti
uyoshadaisqumama(youar el
ying.Mybrother
s
chi
ldisgonnamarryastabl
eman) "
Me:
"ther
eyougoagai
n."
Jabul
il
e:"Hi
swal
leti
soksoIhavet
oexagger
ate"
Me:
"it
'snotabouthi
smoney"
Jabuli
le:
"Iknow.Iam happyforyou.Thi
smani s
seri
ousaboutyouandheseemst oloveyou.Iknew
thatwhenIsawhim.Heisdoingrightbyyou"
Me:
"yeah"
Jabul
il
e:"marri
ageain'
teasytr
ustme.Iti
sfi
ll
ed
wit
halotofobstacl
es.I
fyouthi
nkMjoloi
stook
much(laughs)whatunt i
lmarr
iage"
Me:
"don'
tscar
eme"
Jabulil
e:"Iam not.Someofyouri nlawswi lll
ike
youandsomedon' tbutdon'tt
akeever ythi
ngt hey
sayt oheart.RememberNt et
helel
omar r
iedyouf or
areasonyoumar ri
edhim andnothi sfamilybut
thatdoesn'tmeanyoushoul ddisrespectthem as
well.Respectyourhusband.Youneedt otakecar e
ofhim alwaysandIguessyouknowt hebedr oom
partbecauseIalwayspreachi t"
Me:
"tr
ue"
Jabul
il
e:"ikhayanekhayal i
hluki
lekodwakuya
ngaweukut hiul
imisakanjanili
ke(eachandever
y
householdisdiff
erent.I
talldependsonyou,how
youbuil
dit) "
Me:
"shoul
dn'
twewai
tti
llt
hel
ett
erhasar
ri
ved?"
Jabul
il
e:"youar est
il
lhappyandr
elaxed.Wai
tunt
il
thatl
ett
erreachesThulani"
Myst
omachcr
inged
Me:
"ohLor
dsaveme"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Jabul
il
e:"don'
twor
ryi
twi
llbeok"
Me:
"Ihopesor
eal
ly"
Jabul
il
e:"l
etmegoandcheckonyourf
ir
ebomb"
Shest
oodupandwal kedtomyroom.Ireall
yhope
myfamil
ydoesn'
tgiveusahardti
me.Ir eall
y
woul
dlovet
obeNt ethel
elo'
swi
fe.Il
ovehi m.
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Hishandhasbeenonmybacksi nceweent er
ed
here.Ithasn'
ttouchedmeinappropr
iat
elyormade
meuncomf ort
ablebutheismakingmef eelmushy
atthismoment .Thesteam f
rom t
heshowerhead
wateri
smakingever
ythi
ngi
nherebeheated.Iam
faci
ngtheshowert
apsandIam scar
edoflooki
ng
athim.
Ayanda:
"Mt
handa"
Me:
"Ayanda"
Ayanda:
"Ngi
yakut
handa(Il
oveyou)
"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMnt
ungwa"
Thatwasmysecondt i
meandIam sl
owl
ylovi
ng
whatIam sayi
ng.Ismi
ledandgi
ggl
edabit
.
Ayanda:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Me:
"Iam l
ovi
ngyou"
Ayanda:
"ist
hatabadt
hing?"
Me:
"no.
..
..
itf
eel
swei
rd."
Ayanda:
"inabadway?"
Hi
shandgoest
omywai
st.
Me:
"no.I
t'
snot
.Itf
eel
sgood"
Ayanda:
"Iwantt
omar
ryyouoneday"
Me:
"wewi
llgett
her
e."
Itur
nedtofacehi
m andoutmyhandsonhi
s
shoulder
s.
Me:
"wewi
llgett
her
ebabakaSi
yanda"
Hesmi
les.
Ayanda:
"Doyouhaveschoolt
oday?"
Ne:
"no"
Ayanda:
"Iwantust
ospendt
hedayt
oget
her
i
nsides"
Me:
"gooddeci
sionbecauseIam l
azyt
ogoout
."
Hechucklesandholdsmyneckandweshar eakiss.
Hishandsli
psandgoest omybut tpull
ingme
cl
osertohim.Idon'tknowwhat '
swar m now.The
waterorwhat'
sbetweenmyt hi
ghs.Icoul dfeelhi
s
machinepoki
ngmeandhegr oansandpi cksmeup
andIwrapmyl egsaroundhi swai
standhepi nsme
ontheshowerdoorandki ssesmyneck.Hepl ays
wit
hmyni ppl
esandbr eastsandIletoutasof t
moan.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued

From nextweekWednesdayIwi l
lpostinthe
afternoonsbecauseIam goi ngbackt oschool.I
willpostonei nser
tforGul
uvaandmakei tlonger
thani tusuall
yisandtwoformi str
ess.Ihopet hat'
s
goingt obeenoughandagr eeable.Idon'tli
ke
schedul esreall
ysoIwon'tstartastr
ictone.Ifthi
s
goeswel lbynextweekIwillpostmoreaswel lifI
am notoccupi edbyschoolwor kbutIwi l
lnot
abandonyou.
[
09/
17,
18:
40] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t82

*SI
YAMTHANDA*
Nothinghappenedi nt heshower .Wewer ekissing
hereandt hereandhewast ouchingmybodybut
wedi dn'
tdoanyt hingandi nsomewayIappr eciate
i
t.Iam notr eadyt ogi veitupasyetandi t'
sst i
ll
soon.Theonl yt hingAyandament i
onedisthathe
wantshi shandsandf i
ngerst oknoweachand
everypartofmybody.Event hedeepestscar sand
str
etchmar ks.Hel ovesal lifthatanditmademe
fal
lforhim mor e.Wewentt ot heloungeandwest
onthecouchwi thaf leecebet weenus.Weopt ed
towat chsomehor rormovi esandnohesai dhei s
notasnackper sonbutImadesandwi chesforust o
eatonwhi lewewer ewat ching.
Ayanda:"Idon'
tremembert
hel
astt
imeIact
ual
ly
watchedamovie"
Me:"metoo.Igetbusywi
thschoolwor
kal
otIj
ust
don'
thavet
ime"
Ayanda:
"Ican'
twai
ttoseeyouasaDr"
Me:
"met
oo.DrNt
uli"
Ayanda:
"HowdoesDrKhumal
osound?"
Ibl
ushedandhechuckl
ed.
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Ayanda:
"yoursmi
lesaysi
tal
l"
Irol
lmyeyesandhechuckl
es.Thedoorbel
lrang
andIsatup.
Ayanda:
"Rel
ax"
Me:
"whati
fit
'syourf
ather?"
Ayanda:
"theni
t'
sfi
ne."
HestoodupandIputthepl
atef
ullofsandwi
ches
downandhewenttothedoorandheopenedand
someguywalkedi
nwithalady.
Ayanda:
"Dudeyoudon'
thavet
imi
ng"
Guy:
"Iknewyouwoul
dfor
gett
hat
'swhyIam her
e"
Theywal
kedi
n.
Guy:
"ohIsee.Hi.
..
"
Ayanda:
"Li
ndowhatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?"
Li
ndo:
"Iam Li
ndo,
thi
sisBubbl
esr
ight?"
Hesai
dlooki
ngatt
hegi
rl
.Hawudoesn'
theknow
hi
sgi
rl
'sname?
Gi
rl:
"(r
oll
inghereyes)Bubel
e"
Li
ndo:
"yest
hat
."
Me:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Li
ndo:
"Ni
ce"
Ayanda:
"Iwasaski
ngagai
n."
Li
ndo:
"Di
dyouf
orgetaboutt
omor
row?"
Ayanda:
"Whyi
sitt
omor
row?"
Li
ndopunchedAyandaonhi
sshoul
der
.
Lindo: "Howcanyoufor
getmyopeni
ng.
?Nt ethelel
ocall
edmeaski
ngt
heti
meandwena
youj ustforgot"
Ayanda:
"Fuck,
sor
ryman.Mymi
ndhasbeen
swamped."
Li
ndo:
"Isee"
Ist
oodupandt
ookt
hepl
ate.
Me:
"letmegogetsomebever
ages"
Li
ndo:
"nowear
eleavi
ng.Wehaveal
ott
odo"
Ayanda:
"Ipr
omi
seIwi
llcome"
Li
ndo:"youbett
er.Or
iwon'
tbepr
esentwhenyou
getmarr
ied."
Ayanda:
"Iknowyouwoul
dcome"
Lindo:
"whatever
.Nicet
omeetyouNt
ombi
kamfwethueyiumzamil
e(mybrot
her
'sgi
rl
fr
iend.)
"
Ayanda:
"okyoucanl
eavenow"
Theywal
kedoutandhecl
osedt
hedoorandt
urned
tome.
Me:
"int
erest
ingper
son"
Ayanda:
"Don'
tmi
ndhi
m."
Inodded.
Ayanda:
"woul
dyouaccompanyme?"
Me:
"iwoul
dn'
tfi
tin"
Ayanda:"i
t'
sjustaphar
macyopeni
ng.Andi
swa
wil
lbether
eIknow."
Me:
"Idon'
tknowhowt
orockheel
s"
Hechuckl
edandcamet
omeandt
ookt
hepl
ate
f
rom myhandsandputi
tdownbef
oreheper
ked
myli
ps.
Ayanda:
"Idon'
tcar
eifyoucanr
ocksneaker
s."
Me:
"thatIcando"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"thenwewi
llr
ockt
hem t
oget
her,
i
fyougo
wit
hme"
Me:
"ok"
Hel
ookedatme.
Ayanda:
"youar
egor
geous"
Me:
"thankyou"
Ibl
ushed.
.
.
.
*
NURSE(
PRI
SON)
*
Ihadanhourbef oreIhavet ogett owor k.Igota
callf
rom Razor, Ihaveknownhi mf oryear smai nly
becausehehasbeeni nandoutofpr isonal ot.That
mandoesn' tdieeasi l
yandt heyhavet ri
edi nside.I
havenur sehi sbruisesf r
om insideanddi dnur se
him backt olif
eonet i
me.Weshar edasexual
rel
ationshi paswel landIwasl ovi
ngi tuntilthist i
me
aroundIwasn' thisinsidegirlbuthef oundan
i
nmat etobehi ssexuall over.Idon'tknowhowshe
fel
lpr egnantIguesshehi ti
trawwhi chhehad
neverhadsexwi t
houtusi ngacondom sot hatgot
mequest i
oning.Ihadt ogetr i
dofthatchi ldf ast
beforei tcausedanypr oblems.Theyshoul dt hank
me.Igott ot hestreetcor nerwherehesai dIwi llsee
him andIsawhi sCarandIst oodbyi t.Her olled
thewi ndowdown.
Razor:
"Umel
eni?(Whyar
eyoust
andi
ng?)
"
Me:
"ar
en'
tyougoi
ngt
oopent
hedoorf
orme?"
Razor:
"thi
sisnotamovi
e.Geti
n"
Isi
ghedandIopenedt
hedoorandIgoti
nandwore
aseatbel
tbef
orehest
art
edthecaranddr
oveof
f.
Me:
"whyam Iher
e?"
Ismi
led.
Razor:
"Shi
thappenedi
npr
ison"
Me:
"whathappened?"
Razor:
"Il
ostachi
ld"
Iswal
lowedandhel
ookedatme.
Me:
"ohw"
Razor:
"rememberUnat
hi?"
Ihel
dont
omybag.
Me:
"ye.
..
..
yesIr
ememberher
."
Razor:
"Shel
ostmychi
ld"
Iswall
owed.DoesheknowwhatIdi
d.Ofcausehe
does.Thebi
tcht
oldhi
m hel
osthi
schil
d.
Me:
"Iam sor
ryf
oryourl
oss"
Razor:
"youactl
ikeyoudi
dn'
tknow"
Hel
ooksatme.
Me:
"I.
..
I"
Razor:
"ther
eisadumpi
ngsi
tenearby.Icoul
dki
ll
youanddumpyouther
e"
Me:
"why?"
Razor:
"Idon'
tknow.Butmygutsaysyouhavea
handini
tanditnevergoeswr
ong"
Me:
"mi
scar
ri
ageshappen"
Razor:
"Mmmh"
Iswall
owed.Iwassweati
ng.Ihopeheneverf
inds
out.I
fanyoneshoul
dhavehi
schil
dit
'sme.
Me:
"imi
ssedyou"
It
ouchhi
scr
otchandher
emovesmyhand.
Razor:
"voet
sek!"
Ikeptmyhandst
omysel
f.
Me:
"dr
opmeof
fher
e"
Razor:
"Iam goi
ngt
oPr
ison"
It
ight
lynoddedknowi
ngt
hatIam scar
ed.
.
.
.
*UNATHI*

Il
ookedt othegreywall.Iwasstuckinmywall.I
t'
s
notli
keIknewIwaspr egnantbutIshoul
djust
moveonr ight?IsighedandIf el
tahandonmy
shoulder
.It ur
ned
Her:"t
hewar denhasbeencal
li
ngoutf
oryou.You
haveavisi
tor"
Isatupandgotof ft
hebed.Maybeseei ng
someone' sfacefrom t
heoutsi
dewi l
ldomegood.I
hopeit'smom becauseImi ssher.Iwalked
towardst hewardenandshecuf f
edmebef or
e
l
ockingt hecellandwewalkeddownt hepassage.
Makingourwayt owhereeverwear egoing.We
weren'tgoingtowhereusuall
yvisit
orsmeetupwith
usinmat es.Thewar denopenedthedoorandhe
tur
ned.
Me:
"canIgoback?"
Razor:
"Unat
hi"
Me:"whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e.?It
houghtIsai
d
don'
ttur
nback"
Razor:
"leaveherf
oramoment
"
Thewar denwalkedoutandclosedt
hedoor .Isank
downt othef
loorandjustcri
ed.Hecrouched
Inf
rontofmeandembr acedme.
Razor:
"Iam sor
ry"
Ihadhi
ccups.
Me:
"youshoul
dn'
tbeher
e.Pl
easego"
Razor:
"Iwon'
t.Youneedmeatt
hemoment
."
Ihel
dont
ohi
m andcar
ri
edoncr
ying.
Me:"Why,Ihaveneverwr
ongedherbutshe
deci
dedt
odi ct
atemybody"
Razor:
"who?"
Me:
"itdoesn'
tmat
ter"
Razor:"itdoes.Thatwoul
d'vebeenmyf
ir
stchi
ld
Unathiitdoesmat t
er."
Me:
"what
'sdonei
sdone.Wecangoback.Wecan
makepeacewi
thi
t."
Hehel
dmycheeks
Razor:
"lookatme.Unat
hi"
Idi
d.
Razor:
"Itdoesmatt
ert
ome.Idon'
tli
keseei
ngyou
l
ikethi
s.Youareevenl
oosi
ngwei
ght"
Me:
"Iam not"
Hepl
acedhi
sfor
eheadon!
one."
Razor:
"Iwishyouwereoutal
readysoIcanhold
youandtel
lyouit
'sok.Wewil
lmakeanotherone"
Il
aughedandsni
ff
ed.
Me:
"Nowayam Ihavi
ngami
niyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Razor:
"youl
ookbeaut
if
ulwhenyousmi
le"
Me:
"thankyou,
forbei
ngher
e"
Razor:
"itwi
llt
aket
ime"
Me:
"thanks"
Heper
kedmyl
ipswhi
chtur
nedtoakiss.Hepicked
meupandIwr
appedmysel
fonhim andhebr
okei t
.
Razor:
"lookatme"
Idi
d.
Razor:
"Il
o..
.Iwi
llhel
pyoubeok,
ok?
"
Inodded.I t'
sli
kehewasgoi ngtosaysomet hing
else.Irestedmyheadonhi sshoulder.It
hinkIam
fall
ingforhim.It'
saverystrongfeel
ingbutIjust
havet ogetridofi
t.Iam gl
adheisher e.Imissed
him somuchandIhavehadhor r
ibl
edayswi t
hout
himi nsi
de.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ntethel
elowasparkedupoutsi
dethehouse.He
saidheforgott
oinfor
m methatthecer
emonyhe
want smetoaccompanyhimi n,
istomor
row.Iknow
hehastol
dmebef or
ebutIwasn' tprepared.Aunty
Jabul
il
esai
dshewi l
llookaft
erZikhalisoIshould
goandhavefun.Iam thankf
ulforthat.Iwalkedout
wit
hmybagandIgott ohi
m andweshar edakiss.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"thankyou"
HeopenedthedoorformeandIgotinandhe
cl
oseditandwentt
ohi ssi
deandgotinbef
orehe
dr
oveoff.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"myf
ami
lyhasal
readysentt
hel
ett
er."
Me:"Iam sur
ebyt
omor
rowt
heywoul
dhave
i
nfor
medme."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihadi
tdr
aft
edwaybef
ore.
Me:
"soyoupl
annedt
his?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihaveal
wayspl
annedt
omakeyoumy
wi
fe"
Ismi
le
Me:
"ar
en'
tyousweetMbul
azi
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam ver
ymuch."
Wegi
ggl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ihavedeci
ded."
Me:
"yes"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Idon'
twantLet
hogoi ngtojai
lbutshe
canknowhermotherandwi
llvi
sitherfamil
yaswell
"
Me:
"that
'sni
ceandbet
terIguess."
Heki
ssedmyhand.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Ihavet
oputonmyhusbandhadsoon
"
Me:
"noneed,
sowhatar
ewegoi
ngt
odo?"
Heshr
uggedandIshookmyhead.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
40] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t83

Iwasl ookingatthebeaut
if
uldressesi nthis
boutique.It'
samen'sandwomen' scl othes
boutique.Idon'tknowwhatIlovemor e.Nt ethel
elo
orthisringinmyhand.Yep, hegotmear ing
sayinghewant stomakeast atementt oever yone
thatIam taken.Iwil
lbeoff
ici
allyofthemar ket.I
didn'tseetheneedbutwhocanar guewi thhim?
"CanIgetyouanyt
hingmam ?Champagneor
cr
acker
stosnackonwhileyoul
ookaround?"
Itur
nlet
ti
nggoofthisgreendr
ess.Idon'
tknow
whyIwaslooki
ngatitanyway.Ilookatt
hewhite
neatwomaninf
rontofme.Shei sbeaut
if
uland
Peti
t.
Me:
"champagne?"
Her:
"yes,wehaveSpar
kli
ngGol
dVeuveCli
cquot
Champagne&Moet&ChandonBrutI
mper
ialRose"
Me:
"soundsf
ancy"
Shechuckl
es.
Her:
"iti
s.Pl
easecomet
hiswayandtast
ebot
hof
t
hem andseewhi
chonei
ssuit
abl
eforyou"
Me:
"thatwoul
dbeni
ce.Ihaveneverdr
ankbef
ore.
"
Her:
"goodt
hingyouwi
llst
artwi
tht
her
ealdeal
."
Igi
ggled.Shesnappedherf
inger
sandaladycame
wit
htwowi negl
assesonatrayandcr
acker
sneatl
y
puti
nabowelwi t
hsomesauce.
Me:
"Won'
tfoodmessupt
hecl
othes"
Her:
"No.Ever
yonei
sanadul
ther
e"
Me:
"Igetyou"
Shesmi
lesandhandsmeagl
ass.
Her:
"Her
e"
It
ookt
heglassandshetaughtmehowt
ohol
dit
pr
oper
lyandIdr
ank.Itt
astedni
ce.
Me:
"it
'sni
ce."
Her:
"Itshoul
d.I
t'
sexpensi
ve"
Me:
"Howmuch?"
It
ookanot
hersi
p.
Her:"youf
ir
stneedtowif
fthechampagneint
oyour
nosedear.Smelli
twhil
etil
ti
ngthegl
ass."
Me:
"thi
siscompl
icat
ed.whatf
or?"
Her:
"Youcant
ellhowol
diti
sandwhatyeari
twas
made"
Me:
"peopl
ecandot
hat
?"
Shenoddedandgavemet heothergl
assandIhel
d
i
tandtri
edtosmellwit
hmynose.It hendr
ank.I
don'
tseethedi
ff
erencehere.
Me:
"Il
ovet
hemor
tandwantnot
."
Her:
"Moet&ChandonBr
utI
mper
ialr
ose"
Me:
"that"
Idrankt
hefi
rstoneandgul
peditandshet
ri
edto
tal
kbutIdr
ankthesecondoneandmymout hwas
ful
l.
Her:
"pat
iencedear"
"Babyhaveyouf
oundanyt
hingt
owear?
"
Itur
nedt
oNtet
hel
eloandhefrowned.Iswal
lowed
andsmil
edandhechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iseeyouar
elovi
ngt
heChampagne"
Me:
"toomuch.Themor
t&Cheddar"
Nt
ethel
elol
aughed.
Me:
"Don'
tlaugh"
Lady:
"Moet&ChandonMadam "
Me:
"yeahwhatshesai
d.Whatwast
hef
ir
stone?"
Lady:
"Spar
kli
ngGol
dVeuveCl
icquotChampagne"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youl
ikei
t?"
Me:
"Ido"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ok.Haveyouf
oundadr
ess"
Me:
"isi
tfor
mal?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Notnecessar
il
ybutweshoul
d."
Me: "I
fwearegonnagetpl
atf
orm bl
ockheel
s
becauseIcanonl
ywalkonthose."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"eveni
fyouwal
konyourcut
efeet"
Thel
aycl
ear
edhert
hroat
Lady:
"thi
swaymadam "
Me:
"getmemor
eoft
hatMor
tbabes"
Lady:
"Moet
"
Me:
"longj
our
neyahead."
Lady:
"yesmam"
Iwenttotakethegreendressandwenttoget
dressed.I
tfi
tt
edmeper fectl
yandItur
nedand
l
ookedatmysel fi
nthemirror.
Me:
"Mbul
azi!
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"mmmh"
Me:
"doyouwantt
osee?
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"No.Iwantt
obebl
ownaway"
Me:
"it
'sugl
y"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"changei
t"
Me:
"Il
ovei
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatdoyoul
ove?"
Me:
"thedr
ess"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"di
dn'
tyousayyouhat
e.I
tami
nut
eago
?"
Me:
"Ichangedmymi
nd."
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
It
ookof
fthedr
essandchangedbackt
omycl
othes.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Sincethi
smannextt omef orgotabouthisf r
iend'
s
eventtomorrowIcoul dn'
tgowi t
hmyBennyand
Betty.No.Iopt edtogotot hemal landalr
eady
havesomet hingdecentonmyhai rsinceIam going
withhim.Iam r eall
yscaredbecauseIhavenever
beenattheset hings.Wear ri
vedatt hemallandwe
gotoutofthecar .
Me:
"Ihopei
fIseemom shedoesn'
tseemeor
Mal
umeMel
usi"
Ayanda:
"why?"
Me:
"Theywi
llki
llusbot
h."
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Iam r
eadyt
odi
eforyou"
Me:
"Iam not"
Hekissedmyhandwhenwear
ri
vedi
nfr
ontoft
he
sal
on.
Ayanda:"Iwi
llr
oam ar
oundt
hemal
l.Cal
lmewhen
youaredone"
Me:
"youwon'
tst
ay?"
Ayanda:"womengossi
psoIdon'twannabe
i
nvolvedandtheyar
egi
vingmelooks"
Il
ookedi
nsi
deandt
hisgayonei
nashor
twaved.I
l
aughed.
Ayanda:
"letmel
eave"
Me:
"comei
nnj
eabi
tthenyouwi
lll
eave"
Hegr
oanedandwewal
kedi
nandt
hegayoner
an
t
ous.Iam sur
ehewi
nst
hispl
ace.
Hi
m:"Heyhey,
Iam Nol
ocal
lmeNol
ly!
!"
Hei
sloudandbubbl
y.
Me:
"Iam Si
yamt
handaandt
hisi
s..
..
."
Ayandacl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.
Nol
ly:
"Iknowmypeopl
eandyouai
n'toneoft
hem.
"
Me:
"yes.I
t'
smyf
ir
stt
imebei
ngher
e"
Nol
ly:
"andt
hehunkbehi
ndyou?"
Ayanda:
"okIam l
eavi
ng"
Moll
y:"Woahbabywher
ear
eyougoi
ngf
astso.
?Yourbrot
herbat
hong,
"
Il
aughed.
Me:
"Iwi
llseeyoul
ater"
Ayandaki
ssedmyl
i
psbef
orehewal
kedof
fandI
t
urnedtoNoll
y"
Noll
y:"t
hegoodonesar
eal
wayst
aken.Tel
lmear
e
youmar r
iedt
ohi
m ?"
Me:
"nowhy?"
Nol
ly:
"hei
sst
il
lavai
labl
ethen"
Theladi
esher
elaughedandIj
oinedi
n.Iknowhow
AyandaissomuchofaZulumanhewouldnever
dat
eanotherman.
Nol
ly:
"Comedear
.YouheadneedsTLC"
Me:
"ohw"
Itouchedmyhai
randsatdownonachai
r.I
treal
ly
needs.TLC"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

West oppedbyattops.Ntethel
elosai
dhewi l
lbuy
somechampagnef ormesinceIli
keitbutshoul
dn'
t
getusedtoit
.Wewentf orthemoet&chandonboy
wasitexpensi
veformei fIwastobuyi twi
thmy
money.
Me:
"l
etl
eavei
tMnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'snotat
housandr
andst
opwor
ryi
ng"
Me:
"but.
..
..
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youl
ikei
t.Butnot
hing"
Me:
"ok.Thankyou"
Wewentt
othet
il
lar
ea.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Si
yamt
handawi
l
lbecomi
ngwi
th
Ayanda"
Me:
"whati
shappeni
ngwi
tht
hoset
wo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"theyar
edat
ing"
Me:
"andyoudi
dn'
ttel
lme?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"itwasn'
tmypl
ace"
Me:
"wear
egossi
pbuddi
esnj
e"
Thet
il
lladyl
aughed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.Iam sor
ry."
Me:
"aski
ngasshei
shappy"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sheisandAyandai
scr
azyabouther
.
Hewouldn'
tharm her
."
Me:
"Ihopeso"
Wetookthebot
tl
esandwalkedout
.Nt
ethel
elo'
s
phoner
angandheanswered.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hel
lo"
Hel
ist
enedat
tent
ivel
y.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"haveyout
ri
edundr
essi
ngher?"
Hewassi
lentagai
n.Wegoti
nthecar
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.Wewi
llseet
hepr
ogr
esst
hen,
bye"
Hehungupandsi
ghed.
Me:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Let
hoi
sheat
ingup"
Me:
"ohUmnt
anamiNkosiyam (mychi
ldLor
d)"
Icl
osedmymout
handl
ookedoutt
hecar
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"pl
easel
ookatme."
Il
ookedathi
m
Me:
"Iam sor
ry.Ishoul
dn'
thavesai
dthat"
Nt
ethel
elo:
",
Iam t
heonewhoshoul
dbesor
ry.You
areamothert
oLet
ho.Iam sor
ryf
orhur
ti
ngyour
feel
ings"
Me:
"youdi
d"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"andIam sor
ryf
ort
hat"
Ihel
dhi
sfaceandki
ssedhi
m."
Me:
"if
orgi
veyoust
handwaSam "
Hesmi
ledandIpokedhi
sdi
mpl
es.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llhi
tyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"mxm"
Me:
"ohi
t'
sli
ket
hatnow?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wher
etonext?"
Ne:
"Pr
etor
iaEast
.Iwantt
oseeLet
ho"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
Hest
art
edt
hecaranddr
oveof
f."
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
41] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t84

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Theygotdonewi thmyhai r.I

t'
snothi
ngmuchbuta
styl
ishst
rai
ghtback.Iwasver ymuchsati
sfi
ed
withit
.Ayandawal kedi
nt hesalonandNol
ly
j
umpedt obeinfrontofhim.OknowIdon' tli
ket
his.
Istoodupthankingtheladywhodi dmyhairand
wenttowardsthem.
Nol
ly:
"Iam f
indabl
e"
Me:
"let
'sgo.Iam done."
Ayanda:
"Haveyoupai
d?"
Me:
"notyet"
Henodsandwegot ot heti
llandpay.Afterthatwe
wenttobuysomet akeawaybecauseaunt y
Khuli
siweisnotcominghomeevent odayand
Ayandainsist
edweshoul d.Iwaslazytocook
todayanyway.Wewer ewaiti
ngatSteersforour
order
sandIwasl eaningnexttohim.
Ayanda:
"doesn'
tthathur
t?"
Me:
"abi
tbuti
t'
sok."
Ayanda:
"ifi
thur
tsyou,
Idon'
tli
kei
t"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Dr
amamuch"
Myeyesmovedar oundandtheysawTrist
an.I
real
lycoul
dn'
tbel
ievei
t.Hewaswal ki
ngwiththis
womanandhi sdaught
er.Iguesshemovedon.He
l
ookedmydi r
ecti
onandinhiseyesitwasvisi
ble
hate.
Ayanda:
"ngi
khul
umanawe(Iam t
alki
ngt
oyou)
"
Me:
"sor
ryyouwer
esayi
ng?"
Ayanda:
"Howdoyouf
eel
aboutmar
ri
age.?"
Me:
"uhm.
..
"
Hel
ookedTr
ist
an'
sdi
rect
ion.
Ayanda:
"Don'
twor
ryabouthi
m."
Ibr
eat
hedoutandhel
ookedatme.
Ayanda:
"somyquest
ion"
Me:
"Wheni
thappensi
twi
ll
happen."
"Or
dernumber203"
Me:
"comel
et'
sgo"
Wewal kedtogocol lectouror derandwentof f
.I
am scar edofTr i
stan.Heputmei nat r
aumat i
c
stateandIt houghtIwasr ecoveringbuti tseemsI
am goingback.Il ookatAyandaassoonasweget
i
nt hecarandheopenssomemusi c.Hei sthekind
ofguysIhaveal wayspr ayedf orandhopedf or.He
l
ovesal lmyf lawsandever ythi
ngr egardlessofmy
skincolour.Icoul dseemanyconf usedf acesas
wewer ewalkingint hemal lbuthedi dn'
tcar e.He
didn'tmindshowi ngof fthatIam hi sgirl
fri
end. He
l
ooksatmeassoonasourf avouritecomeson.
Ayanda:
"anyt
hingwr
ong?
"
Me:
"(smi
li
ng)no,
thankyou"
Ayanda:
"for?"
Me:
"lovi
ngme"
Ayanda:
"Ishoul
dbet
hanki
ngyouher
e"
Ismi
ledandhest
art
edt
hecaranddr
oveof
f.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wear rivedatNtethel
elo'
shouseandIwasf l
ying
outoft hecarrushingtoseewhati swrongwi th
Letho.Iwaswel comedwi t
hababycr yandmy
heartjustbroke.Iwalkedinfurtherandtherewas
Ntethelelo'
sfamilyandIjustf
roze.Ididn'tknow
whatt odo.Shoul dIturnandtellNtet
helelototake
mehome?Heshoul dhavewar nedmet hathis
familyishere.
Me:
"Sani
bonani
(gr
eet
ings)
"
Baba:
"Unj
anint
okazi?
(Howar
eyou?
)"
Me:
"Iam goodbaba.Ihopeyouar
ewel
l"
Hesmi
led.
Baba:
"Iam wel
l"
Uncl
e:"uyenaMakot
iloh?
(Ist
hisourbr
ide)
"
Ismil
edautomat
ical
lyandwenttosi
tnextt
ooneof
theaunt
'swhowasholdingLet
ho.
Me:
"canIt
akeher?"
Aunt
y:"sur
e,shehasbeenr
est
lesst
hewhol
eday"
It
ookheri
nmyar msandshewasr
eal
lyhot
.Ihope
i
t'
snot
hingser
ious.
Me:
"'
ifshedoesn'
tgetwel
l.Weshoul
dtakehert
o
t
hehospit
al"
Nt
ethel
elowal
kedi
n.
Ntet
hel
elo:"I
t'
sli
keyouwi
llchooseLet
hooverme.
Hell
oeveryone"
Baba:
"si
nceyouar
ebot
hher
e.Si
tdown"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whatdi
dwedo?"
Baba:
"not
hing.Iwi
shAyandaandhi
ssoonbr
ide
ar
eheret
oaswel l
"
Me:
"soonbr
idebaba?"
Nt
ethel
elocl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youcant
alk"
Baba: "Mar ri
ageisnotforkids.I t
'stoughf orus
evenatt hi
sageatt i
mes.I trequir
esal ot,
li
esare
thefir
stthingt hatyoushouldn'tevenconsi der
doinginmar r
iage.Thet r
uthal wayscomesout .
Secrets,youshoul dn'
tkeepsecr et
sf rom eachot her
.
Thewomenwi l
lcarr
yonwi thther est,whatIam
sayingisthatar eyoubothsur eaboutt hedecision
youar etaking? "
Wel
ookedateachot
her
Us:
"yes"
Baba:
"Idon'
twantanyf amil
ymeet
ingssekut
hiwa
ni
yahl
ukana(aboutseperat
ing)
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ther
ewon'
tbe"
Baba:
"Good"
.
.
*UNATHI
*

Iseperat
edmysel ffr
om hisembraceandl
ookedat
him.Heslightl
ysmi l
edbutyoucanseethatloosi
ng
thi
schildbrokehiminaway. Ihel dhi
scheek.He
needstoknowr ight?It
'soveranddonewit
hsoI
won'tsayanything.Hetakesmyhandandki ssesit
.
Me:
"Makemef
eel
bet
ter"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ipandhel
ookedatme.
Razor:
"Howbet
ter?
"
Me:
"MakeLovet
ome."
Hel
ookedatmeandki
ssedmyneck.
Razor:
"youar
efeel
ingpai
n"
Heki
ssedmyneck.
Razor:
"Thi
sisnott
hewayt
onumbpai
n"
Me:
"Iwantt
ofeel
youf
ort
hel
astt
ime.Pl
ease"
Hehel
dmyneckandcar
ri
edonki
ssi
ngi
t.
Me:
"Ngomane"
Razor:
"Mmh"
Hesai
dki
ssi
ngmyneckandsl
owl
yundr
essi
ngme.
Me:
"I.
..
I"
Hekissedmynecksl
owlyti
llIwasnakedandhe
pi
ckedmeupandIwr appedmyl egsar
oundhi
s
wai
st.
Razor:
"yousur
ewantt
his?"
Heplayedwithmyboobsandsucki ngmyni ppl
e
andasmal lmoanescapedmyl ips.Hisfi
ngers
tr
acedmyt highsti
lli
treachedmytreasur
eandhe
enter
editdeepinsi
de.
Me:
"Ah"
Imoanandhethr
ust
sitsl
owl
ywhi
leki
ssi
ngmy
neckaswel
l.
Razor:
"Cr
yifyouhavet
oUnat
hi"
It
'sl
ikeheknewbecausetear
sstr
eameddownmy
cheeksandthepl
easurewasther
e.Iwas
squi
rmingandheputmeont
het
abl
eandopened
mylegswide.
Razor:
"wewi
llj
ustbequi
ckbef
oreanyonecomes"
Inodded.Quickyornot
.At
leastIwi
llst
il
lfeelhim.
Heunzipshispantsandpull
smeoverandent er
s
me.
Me:
"Razor"
Razor:
"Unat
hi"
Hesai
dthr
ust
ingi
nme.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry,
I..
.Il
oveyou"
Helookedint
omyeyesandIcouldn'
treadhi
m.I
wasscaredofhi
sreact
ion.Whyi
shenotpulli
ng
outandwalki
ngoff
.
Me:"(Sof
tl
y)saysomet
hing.I
fyoudon'
tfeel
anyt
hingi
t'
sok"
Hewassi
lentl
ythrust
ingandlooki
ngatme.Ibi
t
mybot
tom l
ipprevent
ingtear
s.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Iwipedmymout hwitht
hetissueandIthr
ewitin
thepaperbag.Ayandawipedhishandsanddidthe
same
Me:
"yourhousecr
eepsmeoutatt
imes."
Ayanda:
",
ourhouseandi
t'
snotcr
eepyatal
l."
Me:"maybei
t'
sbecausei
t'
stoomuchf
orone
per
son."
Ayanda:
"Il
ivewi
tht
hreeot
herpeopl
e"
Me:
"ri
ght"
Hechuckledandmyphoner
ang.I
twasKhul
uza,
I
missedhersomuchyho.
Me:
"Khul
uzawengane(f
ort
heki
ds)
"
Ayandachuckl
ed.
Khul
uza:
"Khuluza,
Khul
uzawomsangano.Ngif
una
ngi
fi
leNi
naninoAndi
swa(Khuluza,
Khul
uza.you
wantmedeadwithAndi
swa)"
Me:
",
Nowhywoul
dwedot
hat?"
Khuluza:
"What'
swit
hyoutwoandtheseKhumal o
boys.IcanseeAndi
swabutyouIneverexpect
ed"
Me:
"Khul
uza.
..
."
Khul
uza:
"hol
donabi
t."
Shehungup
Ayanda:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Me:"mygr
andmot
heri
sangr
y"
Andi
swacal
ledt
hist
ime.
Khul
uza:
"usumf
aki
le?
(Youputher?)
"
Andi
swa:
"yesKhul
uza"
Khul
uza:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
""
Khul
u"
Khul
u:"putyourmot
heri
ntheset
hings"
Iaddedmom andsheanswer
ed.Wewer
eal
ltal
king
now.Thismustbebi
g.
Mom :
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
"Mah"
Mom :
"youar
edat
ing?"
Ikeptqui
et.
Khul
uza:
"wear
etal
kingt
oyou"
Me:
"yes"
Khul
uza:
"wi
tht
hatKhumal
oboy?"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"yes"
Them :
"Heeh!
"
Mom :"Nakhungi
phat
hwaukuf
a(It
hinkIam
havi
ngadeathvir
us)"
Khul
uza:
"ushukel
awam (mydi
abet
es)
"
Me:
"Il
ovehi
m"
Melusi:
"Andiswaareyouawar
ethatNt
ethel
elo
askedforyourhandi
nmarri
age?"
Andi
swa:
"yesdad"
Mel
usi:
"ok"
Hewassi
lent
.It
hinkhehungup.
Khuluza:
"(si
ghing)Werecei
vednewsfrom your
fat
her'
sfamil
ythataKhumaloi
saskingf
oryour
handinmarri
age.Theywantt
olobol
amonthend"
Me:
"ohw"
Mom :
"ut
hiohw?Ut
hiohw?
(Yousayohw,
yousay
ohw)
"
Ikeptqui
et.Iwasj
ustdumbf
ounded.
Khul
uza:
"mont
hendIwantyoubot
hher
e!"
Us:
"yes"
ShehungupandIdi
dtooandl
ookedatAyanda.
Me:"Ther
eisalet
tersenthomef
rom yourf
ami
ly.
Knowanythi
ngaboutthat?"
Hel
ookedatme.
Ayanda:
"ohIseei
twasdel
iver
edf
ast"
Hewi
pedhi
sfi
nger
s.
Me:
"howl
onghavewebeendat
ing?"
Ayanda:"af
ewweeks"
Me:
"andyoual
readyt
hinkwear
ereadyf
or
mar
ri
age?"
Iwaspi
ssedof
f.
Ayanda:"yes.Idon'
tseeapr
obl
em i
nusget
ti
ng
marri
ed."
Me:"Idon'
tknowyout
hatmuch.Wehaven'
tdated
l
ongAyandawecan'tj
ustj
umpintomarr
iagel
ike
i
t'
ssomeci r
cus!"
Ayanda:
"don'
tshoutcal
m down"
Me:"uyangicasul
ayazi
.Uyangi
casul
angempel
a
(youareir
ri
tati
ngmeyouknow?Youar eir
ri
tat
ing
meforreal)"
Ayanda:
"MaybeIshoul
dhavet
oldyouIam
sendi
ngt
helet
ter"
Me:
"ornotatal
lAyanda!
"
Ayanda:
"don'
tshoutSi
yamt
handa.Si
yakhul
uma
l
ah(wearetal
king)
"
Me:
",
Iam goi
ngbackt
ores"
Ist
oodup,
hepul
ledmedown"
Ayanda:
"let
'st
alk"
Me:"
,about?Youseem t
omakedeci
sionsonyour
own"
Ayanda:
'Iam wr
ongf
ornott
ell
ingyou"
Me:
"youar
erushi
ngus"
Ayanda:
"Isi
tbadt
owantyouasMr
sKhumal
o?"
Me:
"nobutnotnow"
Ayanda:
"ok"
Hel
ookeddown.Ical
m downaswel
l
.
Me:
"west
il
lgott
ime"
Ayanda:
"ok"
Me:
"wewi
llgetmar
ri
edoneday"
Ayanda:
"comeher
e"
Isatonhi
m andheper
kedmyl
ips.
Ayanda:"canIatl
eastpayf
oryoul
ikeAndi
swa.We
won'tgetmarr
iedthough"
Me:
"Iwi
llst
il
lbeMr
syou"
Ayanda:
"pl
easeMt
handa"
Heki
ssedmybr
east
sandki
ssedmyneck.
Ayanda:
"MakaSi
yanda"
Me:
"mmmh"
Ayanda:
"ngi
yakucel
a(pl
ease)
"
Ihel
dhi
sface.
Me:
""
ok"
Hesmi
led
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Weshar edaki
ssandhelaidonhi
sbackont he
carpet
.Iwasont opofhi
m.Ismil
edathim andhe
didthesamebeforeweki
ssedoncemore.
.
.
*
UNATHI*
Hedidn'tsayanyt hi
ng.Hedidn'
trespondtil
lwe
bothcameandcl eanedupourselves.Si
lencefi
ll
ed
thewholer oom andhisphonerangbutheshuti t
down.Ifisheddr essi
ngandturnedtohim.Ifeell
ike
afoolforstati
nghowIf eelsi
ncehehasbeensi l
ent
.
Me:
"uhm t
hanksf
ort
hevi
sit"
Iwal
kedt
owar
dst
hedoor
.
Razor
:"Unat
hi"
Ist
opped
Icoul
dhearhi
sfoot
stepsbef
orehehel
dmy
stomach.
Razor:
"Ihopei
twor
kst
hist
imeagai
n"
Iknewwhathement
.
Me:
"ift
henur
sewon'
tgi
verabor
ti
onpi
ll
sMaye"
Razor:
"shewant?
"
Me:"sheabor
tedourchi
ld.Byer
azor
.For
get
ti
ngI
sai
danythi
ngok?"
Iknockedont
hedoorandthewar denopensand
cuff
sme.Heissi
lentandsti
llhi
sexpressi
onis
unr
eadabl
e.Assoonaswear
eoutofsi
ghtIcr
y
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
41] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t85

Ir
unmyhandsont hedresswhilelooki
ngatmysel
f
onthemirror
.Ilookedpr esent
ableandgood.
AuntyJabuli
lewalkedinmybedr oom.
Jabul
il
e:"huh?Uwehl
oh?
"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"yes"
Jabul
il
e:"youl
ookmybr
other
'sdaught
er"
Me:
"thankyou"
Jabul
il
e:"yourmani
swai
ti
ngf
oryou"
Me:
"thankyouf
orbabysi
tt
ing"
Jabul
il
e:"Il
oveyourf
ir
ebomb"
Igi
ggled.It
ookmybagandImademywayoutt he
bedr
oom andwentt
othelounge.Iki
ssedZi
khal
i
whowasondad'schest
.
Dad:
"don'
tbr
inganot
herbaby"
Me:
"iwon'
t.Byeever
yone"
Jabul
il
e:"Tel
lSi
yamt
handaIwi
llhi
ther"
Me:
"Iwi
ll
."
Iwal
kedoutandwentoutthegate.Ntet
helel
owas
st
andi
ngbyhiscarinasuit
.Iwasnotf or
mal.Just
si
mpleandok.Hesmi ledandhookedhisarm
ar
oundmywai standgavemeaper konthecheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youl
ookbeaut
if
ulMr
sKhumal
otobe"
Me:
"Thankyou.Youl
ookhandsomeaswel
l"
Heopenedt
hedoor
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shal
lwe?"
Me:
"thankyou"
Igoti
nandhewentt
ohi
ssi
deandgoti
naswel
l.
Me:
"AyandaandSi
yamt
handaar
eint
roubl
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wedi
dtel
lAyanda"
Me: "Iam gl
adhei
snotpl
ayi
ngumnt
asekhaya(my
si
ster)"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wedon'
tpl
ayanyone"
Igavehi
m al
ookandhet
urnedt
ome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ispoket
oosoon?"
Me:
"Ver
y."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"letmekeepqui
ett
hen."
Me:
"thatwi
llbehel
pful"
Hekeptqui
et.Heshoul
dn'
tevenst
artcausehewi
ll
getamouthful
l.
.
.
*
AYANDA*
Iwasl ooki
ngatmywat chwhileIwasroami ngup
anddownt hestairs.Iam waiti
ngforSiyamthanda
andshei sskepti
calaboutgoing.Iam gladshe
agreedformet opaylobola.Thatisenoughf orme
ti
llshegetsherdream wedding.
Me:
"Baby!
"
Ishoutf
rom downt
hest
air
s.
Siya:
"Iam scar
ed.Imeanwear
egoi
ngt
oan
openi
ng"
Me:
"Si
yamt
handawear
egonnabel
ate"
Sheappear edf rom t
hestairs.Ilookedatherand
shewal keddownshyl y.Shewaswear i
ngasi l
ver
sparkl
ingdr ess.Itwasabovet hekneeandasshe
walkedasl itwouldappearandWhi teai
rforces.
Herstraightbackwasver yneatandever ythingj
ust
madeherski npop.Shedi dn'tneedanymakeup.
SheFinal l
yr eachedmehol dingherclut
ch.
Si
ya:
"Il
ookugl
y"
Me:
"Wow"
Si
ya:"st
opplayi
ngAyanda.Idon'
tevenhavemake
upon.Justl
ipgl
oss."
Me:
"youdon'
tneedmakeup"
Iwasai
mingf
orherl
ipsbutshemovedback.
Si
yamt
handa.:
"Let
'
sgomi
sterbef
oreyour
uint
his
"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Si
ya:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Ikissedhercheekandhookedmyar m andshedi
d
thesameandwewal kedt
ot hegar
age.
Me:
"Howi
syourf
ami
ly?
"
Si
ya:
"theysai
dtheywi
llseeusmont
hend."
Wegott
omycarandIopenedt
hedoorf
orher
.
Me:
"howdoyouf
eel
?"
Si
ya:
"nervous.Iknowi
twillnotbeonpaperbut
wewi
llbeasgoodasmar r
ied."
Shegoti
n.
Me:
"Iwi
llneverhur
tyoui
ntent
ional
ly"
Si
ya:
"Iknow"
Ismi
ledandcl
osedthedoorandwentt
omysi
de
andIgoti
nbef
oreIdroveoff
.
.
.
[
UNKOWN]

Dina:
"Youweremovi
ngon,
whydoyouwantt
ogo
backt
oyourpast
?"
Me:
"it
'sunf
ini
shedDi
na"
Di
na: "Iwonderwhywemovedbackhere.Youhad
agreatli
fei
nParis.Youwer
eevenengaged."
Me:
"icoul
dn'
tgot
hroughwi
thi
t."
Di
na:
"al
lforwho?Ahi
ghschoolsweethear
t?"
Me:"youaremyt
win.Youar
esupposedt
o
under
stand."
Di
na:
"Iwon'
tunder
standanyt
hingher
e
Si
namandl
a.Youar
est
art
ingaf
ir
e"
Itookmypur
pleMat
tli
pst
ickandIappl
iedi
tonmy
l
ips.
Di
na:
"Si
na"
Me:"justkeepqui
eti
fyoudon'
thaveanyt
hing
posi
ti
vetosayDineki
le"
Shewalkedoutofthebedr
oom.Ipackedt
hesmal
l
st
uffi
ntomyclutchandItookmyphoneandI
l
ookedathisphoto.
Me:"Iam comi
ngf
oryou.Youar
ementt
obe
mi
ne"
Il
oggedoffInst
agr
am andt
ookmycarkeysandI
walkedoutofmybedr
oom.
Me:
"iwi
llseeyou"
Shel
ookedatmeandIwalkedout
.Igoti
nmycar
anddr
oveofft
otheopeni
ng.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*
Me:
"Il
ovet
her
edwi
ne"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wear
enotsupposedt
odr
inkmuch."
Me:
"theDr
ssai
dit
'sheal
thy"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"onegl
assbaby"
Inodded.Siyamt handaandAyandaj oinedusand
theywerewear i
ngt hesamesneaker s.Iknew
Siyamthandahadsomet hingtodowi t
ht hat
.Buti
t'
s
cute.Shehadagl assofwine.Everyonedoes.The
ownerofthephar macystoodinfrontofit.Itwas
bigandmoder nizedf r
om theoutside.
Si
ya:
"Idon'
tfeel
comf
ort
abl
e"
Me:
"dr
inkwi
ne"
Shechuckl
edandAyandalookedatherandasked
heri
fsheisgoodandshenodded.
Lindo:"welcometoeveryonewhohasjoi
nedusin
thisverysuccessf
uldaytowelcomeanewladderi
n
themedi calf
iel
d."
Ever
yonecl
appedhands.
Lindo:"asweal lknow.Hardworkpaysof f
.Wel l
thisi
smysecondPhar macyt hatIwi l
lbeopening.It
wasn'teasy.Ayandaknowsourst rugglesi
nvarsity
tobewher ewear ebutweal waysmadeapr omise
towor khard.Sothatourwivesandki dswi l
lenj
oy
ourfruit
sofhardwor kinsati
sfactoryandseeing
them happy"
Ever
yonel
ightchuckl
ed.
Me:
"If
eelabi
tli
ghtheaded"
Iwhi
sper
edt
oNt
ethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"maybeyoushoul
dst
opt
hewi
ne"
Igavehi
m mywi
negl
ass.
Li
ndo:
"tosuccess"
Ever
yonerai
sedtheirglasses.Iwasholdi
ngont o
Ntet
helel
o.Heelsoundswer eheardandwet ur
ned
andthi
sstunni
ngpet i
tewomani nashortli
kedress
androcki
ngherheelscamesmi l
ing.Sherai
sedher
gl
ass.
Her:
"success"
Li
ndocutt
her
ibbonandt
hecamer
afl
ashed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"fuck"
Me:"don'tt
ellmet
hati
soneofyourex'
sbecauseI
am gonnacutyouandhert
ryme."
It
ookmywi
neandgul
pedi
tdown.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sAyanda'
shi
ghschoolsweethear
t"
Hewhi
sper
ed
Me:
"what?"
It
urnedt
oher.Andsher
aisedhergl
assandmade
waytous.Idon'
tknowwhereSi
yamthandaand
Ayandawent.
Her:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Si
na"
Her:
"longt
imenoseebr
other
.Whoi
sthi
scut
ie?
"
Me:
"doIl
ookl
ikeadol
l?"
Idon'
tli
keheraur
aatal
l.
Her:
"ohmybad"
Me:"babyIam goi
ngt
olookf
orAyandaandhi
s
wi
fe"
Nt
ethel
elol
ightchuckl
edandki
ssedmycheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"oksugarpl
um "
It
urned.
Her:
"st
il
lof
fthemar
ket?"
Isweart
hatboi
ledme.It
urned.
Me:"hei
snotti
llhediessoanydreamsyouhadof
hi
m.Getridoft
hem fast.Iam apsychosodon'
ttr
y
me."
Iwal
kedof
f.Nxxx.Ayandawasstandi
ngwi
thl
indo
andSi
yamthanda.Iwentt
othem.
Me:
"Ayanda!
"
Het
urned.
Me:
"keepwat
ch"
Ayanda:
"for?
"
"HiAyanda"
Isweari
t'
sli
kethiswomani
sher
etoi
rr
it
ateme.
Ther
ewassilence.
Si
yamt
handa:
"uhm what
'sgoi
ngonher
e?"
Shesmi
ledandst
ret
chedherhandout
.
Her:
"Iam si
namandl
a,Ayanda'
shi
ghschoolex"
Si
ya:
"oht
henui
sance.Ihear
d.Iam hi
sfi
ance"
Theyhadgaze.
Her
:"Ist
il
lhaveachancet
hen"
Theybot
hsar
cast
ical
lyl
aughed.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
41] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t86

*SI
YAMTHANDA*

Ayanda:
"Mt
handa"
Me:
"mmh"
Ayanda:"Khul
umanami,
ngenzeni?(Tal
ktome.
WhatdidIdo?)"
Me:"Yourexdoesn'
trespectmeYazi.Whot hehel
l
doeshethi
nksheiswith"Isti
llhaveachancethen
"Nx"
Ayanda:"Il
oveyouandSi
nai
smyl
astbutyouar
e
myforever"
Me:"Iknow.NowIam wonder
ingwher
eSi
yanda
camefrom "
Ayanda:
"Don'
teven"
Me:"What?SheisSi
nawhatwhatandIam Si
ya
wi
thyouit
'sSi
yandaso?"
Ayanda:
"Maybeweshoul
djustdr
opt
hewhol
e
namethi
ng"
Me:
"yeah.Iam notcomf
ort
abl
ewi
thi
tanymor
e"
Isi
ghedandheopenedsomemusi ct
oeasethe
mood.WeweregoingtoLi
ndo'shouseforali
tt
le
par
tycel
ebr
ati
onandIbetthatSi
nathi
ngisthere.
"
Don'
teverwantyout
oleave
Don'
tgonowher
e(don'
tleavemebaby)
Don'
tleavemebabe(
don'
tleavemebaby)
Woah,
oh,
ooh
Oohboyl
etmekeepyouwar
m
Youar
etheman
Fi
llyouwi
tht
hesweet
estl
ove
Al
wayst
heman.
..
"
Ayanda:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Me:
"Mmmh"
Isai
dlooki
ngoutt
hewi
ndow.
Ayanda:
"youar
est
il
lgonnamar
rymer
ight?"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Ayanda:"angi
zwa?(Excuseme?)Mt
handayou
can'
tpunishmeformypast"
Thecarst
oppedi
nfr
ontofl
indo'
shouse.
Me:
"thenyougott
oputyourpasti
nit
spl
ace"
Igotoutandhebr
eat
hedoutbef
orecomi
ngout
.
Hecamebymysi deandt
ookmyhand.
Ayanda:"Don'
twor
ry.Iwi
lloutal
otoft
hingsi
n
t
heirpl
ace"
Me:
"li
ke?
"
Hekeptquiet.Wewal kedinsideandtherewere
peoplewalki
ngaroundcateringever
yonewhowas
tal
kingandmi ngl
ing.IsawthatSinawomanand
shesmiledfrom adist
anceandcamet owardsus.
Me:"WhateverhappensAyanda.Imeani
t,make
sur
eyourpantsarezippedupbecausewedon'
t
wantanyf
oolishmistakes."
Igavehi
m aneye.
Ayanda:
"itwon'
thappenbaby"
Me:
"mmmh"
Si
na:
"It
houghtyouwoul
dn'
tcome"
Ayanda:
"Whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
eSi
namandl
a?"
Si
na:
"hawu.Iam her
etosuppor
taf
ri
end"
Ayanda:
"thenwhyar
eyouI
nfr
ontofmeandmy
wif
e"
Si
na:
"fi
ancee"
Me:
"you-
Ayanda: "Lal
elalahngobaengat hi
wawungayi zwangangesngi sisakho.PhumaKi mi
,angifuniuk'kbonaphambikobusobamior
unkosi kaziwami.Ngi kenakancanengi zwe
mgephungal akhoeduzekuzomoshakal a
siyezwana?(Li stenherebecauseitseemsl ikeyou
didn'thearmei nyourEngl i
sh.Fuckof f,Idon't
wantt oseeyouorbeI nf
rontofmywi fe.IfI, even
thesl i
ghtestchanceIsmel lyoucloseby.I twi l
lget
uglyyouhearme?) "
Shewassi
lent
.Ismi
led,
YesAyandaputheri
nher
pl
ace.
Ayanda:"
(st
eppingcl
oser)Ngi
yakul
imaza(Iam
t
alki
ng)youhearmeSinamandl
a!?"
Ever
yonewasl
ooki
ngatus.
Si
na:
"Cr
yst
al"
Ayanda:
"Voet
sek"
Shewal
kedof
fandhet
ookmyhand.
Ayanda:
"Let
'sgo.Mymoodj
ustwentdown"
Inoddedandwebi
dfar
ewel
ltol
indobef
orewe
walkedout.
Me:
"Thatl
ast
sst
atementwashar
sh"
Ayanda:
"sheshoul
dknowherl
ane"
Me:
"ok"
Heopenedt
hedoorf
orme.
Me:"butweareher
eforl
indo,
sheshoul
dn'
trui
n
yourmood."
Ayanda:
"it
'sanexcuset
obewi
thyouatt
he
moment"
Ismi
led
Me:
"let
'sgot
hen"
Heclosedt
hedoorandwentt
ohi
ssi
deandgoti
n
bef
orehedroveof
f.
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

IheardabitonwhatAyandasai
dandit'
sgoodt hat
hestoodupt ohisex.Wedon'
twantbull
iedpasts
butsomethingtel
lsmeshewon'tst
op.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Howdoyouf
eel
?"
Me:
"abi
tnauseat
edbutIwi
llbeok."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wecango.Idon'
twantt
otakear
isk"
Me:"Iam notdyi
ngMbul
azi
.Iwi
llbef
ine.Let
's
f
indaplacetosit
."
Het
ookmyhand.
Ntet
helel
o:"i
fyouar
enotbet
terl
atert
henwear
e
l
eaving"
Me:
"Iam no-"
West
opped.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"what
'swr
ong?
"
Ifel
tli
kevomit
ingandIr
ant
othenear
estpl
antpot
andvomited.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok.Wear
egoi
ng"
Li
ndo:
"someonepl
easet
hrowt
hepotaway"
Me:
"sor
ryl
indo"
Li
ndo:
"it
'sok"
Nt
ethel
elopi
ckedmeupandIhel
dont
ohi
m.
Me:
"If
eelbet
ternow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wear
egoi
ngst
il
lAndi
swa"
Icoul
dn'
tfi
ghtwi
thhim whenhehassai
dt hat
.I
cl
osedmyeyessti
llnauseat
edwhi
lehol
dingonto
him.
.
.
.
*
SINAMANDLA*

ThewayAyandat
alkedt
ome,
gott
ome.Hehas
nevertal
kedtomel ikethatever,
what'ssospeci
al
aboutherreall
y.Onet hingIknowisthatiwil
lnot
gi
veuponAyanda.Ismi l
edatmyselfthi
nki
ngofa
pl
ant ogethim.Isippedonmywi neandlooked
wit
hinthemi ngl
ingcrowd.
Me:"iam t
heonl
yonewhoi smentt obeMr s
AyandaKhumalo,Justl
etherhaveherli
tt
let
ast
e
oncemorebefor
eyout akei
tforever
."
Ichuckl
edandcarri
edonsippi
ngmywi
ne.Il
ooked
atthegl
assandtastedagai
n.
Me:
"DeTr
aff
ordRed,myf
avour
it
e"
Iwal
kedof
ftogoandj
oint
hecr
owd.
.
.
*
MERCY*

IwasonmykneesVomi t
ingi
nthetoi
let
.Tearsleft
myeyesasmyt hroatwasburni
ng,
Ifeelhopel
ess
att
hemoment .Idon'
tknowwhattodoorsay.The
vomitcomesbackupandIputmyheadi nthetoil
et
andIvomi toncemor e.Tear sst
r eameddown
mor eandIheldmychest .Ifl
usht het oi
letand
standupandgobr ushmyt eethont hesi nkand
al
somyf ace.Ihearhim call
ingoutf ormeandmy
chestpai
ns, Doeslovehavetohur tmethi smuch?
Idoubtit
'ssupposedt of
eel l
ikethis.
"BabyIam home"
Isl
owl
ymademywayoutoft hebat
hroom and
wentt
othebedandsatonit
.Iwasfeel
ingweak
andmykneeswereshaki
ng.
Sandi
le:
"Howar
eyouf
eel
ing?Whatdi
dtheDrsay
?"
Isni
ff
ed.Het
ri
edt
ogetcl
ose.
Me:
"don'
tcomenear"
Sandi
le:
"Ar
eyouok?"
Ishookmyheadandl
ookeddown.Icoul
dn'
tlook
himintheeye.
Me:
"theDrdi
dat
estonme."
Hekeptqui
et
Me:
"Iam pr
egnant"
Sandi
le:
"That
'sgr
eatnews.Thankyoubaby"
Hest
eppedcl
oserandengul
fedmei
nahug.
Sandi
le:
"shhdon'
twor
ry.Iam her
e.Iam al
ways
her
e."
AsobchockedmeandIpushedhi
m awayf
rom me.
Me:
"Iam HI
Vposi
ti
vet
oosandi
le"
Hewassi
lentagai
n.Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:
"whowasshe?"
Hewasst
il
lsi
lent.Igotupandst
art
edpunchi
ng
hi
m wi
thmyli
ttl
efist
scryi
ng
Me:"Whydoyoul
ovehur
ti
ngme!?Whydoyou
l
ikeseei
ngmehur
t?!
"
Heheldmyhandst oget
herandIfel
tweakand
def
eated.Iwentdownonmybut tandcr
iedmyeye
bal
lsout.
Me:
"whydoyoul
ovehur
ti
ngme?"
Sandi
le:
"(t
ear
y)babyIam sor
ry."
Me: "sandi
leyouinf
ect
edme!Ihavenevercheated
onyoubutyoudi dandinf
ect
edmeintheprocess.I
thoughtyoulovedme"
Sandi
le:
"Ido.IdoMer
cyandIam sor
ry"
Ishookmyhead.
Me:
"Idon'
twantt
oseeyourf
aceatt
hemoment"
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cy"
Me:
"getoutSandi
le,
getout
!"
Ishout
edandhest oodupandmadehi swayout
wipi
nghistear
s.Ilai
donthefl
oorandscreamed
whil
ecr
ying.Myt hroatwasi
ntheurgetoleti
tal
l
out.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
42] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t87

*MERCY*

Icouldn'tstopcr ying,Iknowitwon'thelpbutIwish
Icanhavemymot heratt
hemoment.Iwi shthat
thiswasal ljustadr eam.Thisisthebiggest
betrayalSandi l
ehaseverdonet omeandIdon' t
knowhowIam goi ngtocomebackf r
om it.Ifel
t
coldsuddenl yandIwasshaki ngwhi l
ecrying.I
vomi t
edont hefloorunexpectedl
y.Iwi pedmy
mout handst oodupandwentt ogetmyphone.My
stomachwasf eelingcrampsandIwasshaki ngin
tears.Ipressedt henumberandi tr
angaonce
beforeitwasanswer ed.
"Hel
lo"
Me:
"Iam notf
eel
ingwel
l.Pl
easecomeback"
Sandi
le:
"Iam onmyway"
Inoddedandhungup.Imademywayt ot
he
bathr
oom andt
ookatowelandIwentt
ocl
eanup
thevomi
tandthenopenedt
hebatht
ubformewith
coldwat
erandIsunkmysel
finsi
de.Icarr
iedon
shaki
ngandcryi
ng.
.
*NTETHELELO*

Eversi
ncewegotbackf rom t
hepartysheisasl
eep.
Verypeacefulaswel
l.Iwouldcheckuponhera
coupl
eoft i
mesandthengooutt oeveryone.
Aunty:
"Shoul
dn'
tyoubot
hwaitt
il
ltheLobol
ais
pai
dbef or
eyoudosl
eepover
s?"
Me:
"AyandaandSi
yamt
handa?
"
Aunt
y:"Iwi
lli
nfor
mthem "
Dad:
"wear
eleavi
ngt
omor
row"
Me:
"ohok"
Henodded.
Mom :
"Howi
sshef
eel
ing?"
Me:
"shei
sst
il
lasl
eepbutIwi
llt
akehert
otheDr
t
omor
row."
Aunt
y:"why?"
Me:"Idon'
tknowmaybeshei
spr
egnantwho
knows"
Mom :
"ist
hatpossi
ble?"
Dad:"youcan'
tshootyoursper
msont
hegr
ound
for
asecond? "
Me:
"awar
enotsur
edad"
Dad:
"God"
Hewal
kedof
f.
Mom :"i
fgodswantyout
ohaveachi
ldt
henyou
wi
ll"
Ismi
led
Me:
"thankyou"
Aunt
y:"yourki
dsar
enotevenoneyearyet
"
Me:
"wewi
llj
usthavet
ohearf
rom t
heDr"
Mom :
"comeeat"
Me:
"Iwi
ll
"
Shenoddedandwal
kedof
f.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

IopenedmyeyesandIwasi nNtethel
elo'
sroom.I
sl
owlygotoffthebedandIf el
tnauseousanddizzy.
Ihadanurgetovomi tandItri
edtorushmyway
i
ntothebathr
oom andIdi d.Iwentonmyknees
andIvomit
edint heToil
et.Iheardthedooropen.
"Sugarpl
um "
IkeptQuiet
.Icouldhearhi
m soft
lythough.Wasn'
t
sureifIwasbeingcall
edornot.Ifel
tahandonmy
shoulder
.
Me:
"mmh"
Il
ookedupt
oNt
ethel
elo.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iaskedi
fyouar
eok?"
Ishookmyheadandhefl
ushedt
het
oil
etand
cl
osedit
.Hesatontheseat
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comeher
e."
Igotupandsayonhi
slapwi
thmyheadonhi
s
chest
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ifyouar
enotf
eel
ingbet
tert
omor
row.I
wi
llt
akeyoutotheDr"
Me:
"Idon'
tthi
nki
twi
llbenecessar
y"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wheni
tinvol
vesyourheal
thi
tis"
Me:
"ok."
Heki
ssedmyf
oreheadandwr
appedhi
sar
ms
ar
oundme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
West
ayedl
iket
hati
nsi
lence.
.
.
*MERCY*

Igotoutoft
hebat
htubandwr
appedmysel
fina
towelbeforel
ayingonthebed. Iwaswait
ingfor
himt ocomeandt hefeel
ingwaswor se .
Iheardt
he
dooropeningandHemadehi swayinrushingand
pickedmeupf rom thebed.Iheldontohi
m andhe
rushedout.Nowor dsweresaidandIdon'tthi
nkI
havet heener
gyt osayanyt
hing.
Sandi
le:
"youar
eshaki
ng"
Idi
dn'tsayanythingbuthepl
acedmei nthecarand
gott
ot hedriver
'sseatanddr
oveoff.Ihel
donto
myselffordearli
fe.Thehurtcan'
tbecomparedto
anyt
hing.
.
.
*SI
NAMANDLA*

Iwalkedi
nourapar
tmentlocki
ngmyheel
soffand
thr
owingmybagont hecouchnextt
oDi
naandshe
tur
nst ol
ookatme.
Di
na:
"Howwast
heopeni
ng?"
Me:
"itwasgood.AndIsawAyanda"
Shenodded.Sheal
waysact
sli
ket
heper
fectone.
Me:
"Boyi
shehandsome"
Di
na:
"Boyar
eyousel
fi
sh"
Me:
"what?"
Di
na:"j
ustbecausehetreat
edyour
ightandnowhe
i
sri
chyouwanthi m ?"
Me:
"hewasaf
arm boybackt
hen"
Sheshookherhead.Isatnextt
oher
.
Me:"orst
opi
tDina,IwantAyandaandIwi
llhave
hi
m wit
horwi
thouthi
sfiancee"
Di
na:
"Omobe(youar
eevi
l)"
Me:
"khaohanal
e'na(l
eavemeal
one)
"
Shecl
ickedhert
ongueandwal
kedof
f.Mxm
Me:"Kemangeanahananghor
eoet sali
nthotse
bet
ere?
(whodoesshethi
nksheisacti
ngallbett
er
?)"
Di
na:
"Keut
loi
lej
oal
o!(Ihear
dthat
.!)
"
Me:
"uneui
kemi
sel
it
sehout
loaseo!
(Youwer
e
mentt
oheart
hat!
)"
Icl
ickedmyt
ongue.
shemust
n'tbor
eme.

.
.
*
AYANDA*

Si
ya:
"foodi
sser
ved"
Iputt
her
emot
edownandshegavemet
het
ray.
Me:"Iwassot
empt
edt
ogoandeatyouandt
he
f
oodup."
Si
ya:
"Iam gl
adyouf
oughtt
empt
ati
on"
Ichuckl
ed.Shesatdownnextt
omeandt
her
ewas
si
lence.
Me:"IloveyouSiyamthanda.Ireal
lydoandI
wouldn'
tsurvi
veloosi
ngyou.Icouldn'
twhenyou
werewithanotherman"
Si
yamt
handa:
"youwon'
tifyourexst
ayswher
eshe
i
s"
Me:"Sinai
sgoaldr
ivenandshewon'
tst
opat
not
hing"
Si
ya:
"hayiAyanda"
Shel
ookedatme.
Si
ya:
"Iam notr
eadyt
obeki
ll
ed"
Me:"shewon'tki
llyou.SheInotsi
ck.Shei
sjust
dr
iven.Whenshewant ssomethi
ngshewantsit"
Si
ya:"Iguesst
wocanpl
ayt
hatgamebecauseI
wantyou"
Ismi
led.
Si
ya:
"st
opsmi
li
ng."
Me:
"whydoyouwantme?"
Siya:"BecauseIhavel
earnedt
oloveyouandI
can'tseeSiyamt
handa&Ayandawit
houtAyanda"
Me:
"andIcan'
tseeMewi
thoutt
heMr
s"
Wel
aughedandsheper
kedmyl
ips.
Si
ya:
"shecanbr
ingi
t."
Ishookmyheadchuckl
ing.
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tknowt
hissi
de"
Shegi
ggledli
ghtl
y.SoIam gonnamar ryt
hisone
day?Ifeelsolucky.Ourki
dsar
elucky.NoIam t
he
l
uckyonehere.
.
.

Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
42] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t88

Iwokeupandr ant othebathr

oom andvomi tedin
thetoil
et.YesterdayIdidn'
thaveapeacefulnight.I
wasf eel
ingnauseat ed.Hecameinandflushedt he
toi
letbeforehecar r
iedmeupandopenedt he
showerandst rippedmeanhi msel
fandwet ooka
showert oget
her .Af
teronewebrushedourt eeth
anddr
essedmbj
nsomeofmycl
othesIl
efther
e.
Me:
"Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thet
hedr"
Me:
"It
hinkIam ok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam nott
aki
ngchancesAndi
swa.
"
Inoddedandhetookhiscarkeysaf t
ermakingthe
bed.Hetookmyhandandwewal kedout.Wewent
downthestai
rsandwegr eet
edandi nfor
medwe
aregoi
ngtotheDr.Wewal kedoutandgoti nthe
car.Hedroveof
fanditwassi l
entinsi
de.
Me:
"Howi
sAyandaaf
teryest
erday?"
Ntethel
elo:
"Ihaven'
tcheckedhi
m yet
.ButIam
sureheisfi
ne"
Inodded.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"cannotbemont
hendal
ready?
"
Me:
"ican'
twai
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyouAndi
swa"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Hehel
dmyhand.Ijustgotsickrecent
lysoIdon'
t
knowwhyNt
ethel
eloi
sstressing.
.
.
*SI
NAMANDLA*

aftershoweri
ngIwenttotheki
tchenandIfound
Dinapackingupherstuf
fforwork.Il
ookedather
rushingaround.
Dina:
"uankhathat
sa(youar
emaki
ngme
uncomfor
tabl
e)"
Me:"IloveAyandaDi
naandl
euenauat
seba(and
youalsoknow) "
Dina:"Idon't
.Youar ej
ustusi
ngtheguyf
oryour
self
ishreasons.Leavehim Si
na"
Shesai
ddoi
ngt
hewor
kvi
grousl
y
Me:
"Hauut
loi
sise(youdon'
tunder
stand)
"
Di
na:
"Iunder
standver
ywel
lSi
na."
Shewal
kedof
f.Igroaned,
whydoesshekeepon
bei
ngmyenemy.Iwil
lgetAyanda.
.
.
*
MERCY*

IopenedmyeyesandIwasi nt hehospi t
al.Icould
heart hebeepi
ngsoundsandsmel lthecl i
ning
spr ays.Il
ookedatmysideandSandi lewas
sleepingther
e.Iwasangrythathedi dn'tevenonce
thinkhowIwoul dfeel
aboutthi
s.Hedi dn'tprot
ect
me.Isobandt hatwokehim up.
Sandi
le:
"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?"
ICar
ri
eoncr
ying
Sandi
le:
"cal
m down.I
tnotgoodf
oryout
ocr
y.Let
megettheDr"
Hewal
kedoutandIwi
pedmyt
ear
s.Isatt
her
eand
t
heDrwalkedi
nwit
hhim.
Dr:
"ohmypat
ientIam gl
adt
hatyouar
eawake."
Me:
"thanks"
Dr:"
wedidthebloodtest
sandyourhusbandal
so
i
nformeduswithyoursit
uat
ion."
Inodded.
Dr:
"haveyoust
art
edt
aki
ngyourART'
s?"
Me:
"Idi
dnotl
ongt
hough."
Dr:
"ri
ght?Wel
lther
easonwhyyouar
eget
ti
ngsi
ck
i
sbecausetheART'
s"
Inoddedt
houghmymi
ndi
sn'
ther
e.
Dr:"HIVdr ugscansomet imeshavei t'
ssi
de
effect
s.Somet i
mescausenauseaandvomi ti
ng.
Thisismor ecommonwhenyouf i
rstbegi
ntaking
them.I fyouar epregnant
,though,
suchsideef f
ect
s
canpr esentext r
aproblemswi t
hmor ni
ngsickness
andadher ence."
Me:
"oh"
Dr:"yes,
Youmi ghtfeelmor eti
redthanusual.Thi
s
i
sal sot
obeexpect ed,especial
lyi
fyouarestarti
ng
ARTandpr egnantatthesamet i
me.Anaemiacan
causeti
redness.I
tisaver ycommonsi deeffectof
bothHI
Vandpr egnancy.Iti
sal socommonwi th
AZT,whi
chiswhyt hi
sdr ugisnowr arel
yused.A
si
mplebloodt
estchecksf orthis.I
fyouhave
anaemi
ayoumi ghtneedt otakeironsupplement
s.
FornowImightprescri
beant inauseadrugs"
Me:
"thankyou"
Dr:"youarewel
come.Iwi
llcomeandcheckupon
youlater"
Hetur
nedandmadehi
swayout.Ij
ustf
acedthe
ot
hersi
deandhear
dhi
m si
gh.Tearsdr
oppedfr
om
myeyes.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*

WegottotheDrandsignedupattherecepti
on.I
t
wasmyf i
rstt
imebeingher
esoIhadtof il
lin
somethi
ngs.Aft
erthatwesatdowninsilentj
ust
thi
nki
ng.
Me:
"Ican'
tbepr
egnant
.It
'si
mpossi
ble"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"noonesai
dit
'si
mpossi
ble"
Inodded.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
's.Ok"
Me:
"youar
edead"
Hechuckl
ed.
"MsBhengu"
Ist
oodupandsoasNtet
hel
elo,
wemadeourway
i
nsidet
heDrsof
fi
ce.Hestoodupandweshook
handswit
hhi
m.
Dr:
"Iam DrKant
e"
Us:
"ni
cet
omeetyou"
Wesatdownaf
terhef
est
eredt
hatwedo.
Dr
:"whatseemst
obet
hepr
obl
em ?
"
Me:"ihavebeenvomi
ti
ngl
atel
yandnauseatedas
wel
l.SometimesIwoul
dheart
hevoi
cesfaint."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wesuspecti
t'
spr
egnancy"
Hehel
dmyhand.
Dr
:"pl
easegoandur
inat
eint
hiscupandbr
ingi
t
back"
Inoddedandthenaft
erIstoodupandtookt
hecup
andmademywayt othebathr
oom andIwentt
o
peeinthecup.Icamebackandgaveittohi
m and
heputasticki
nit.
Dr:
"Haveyoubeensi
ckr
ecent
ly?
"
Me:
"inwhi
chway?"
Dr
:"f
lueorf
ever?
"
Me:
"yesIhavebeen"
Henoddedandwrot
eitdownandwewai
tedand
t
henhetookoutt
hesti
ck.
Dr:"youarenotpregnantbutIwil
ltakeabl
ood
sampleandf ori
ttobetestedandseeifyoureal
ly
areornotbutmyassumpt i
onsaysyouhave
Labyri
nthi
ti
s"
Me:
"Labyr
int
hit
is?
"
Dr:
"yes
Labyr
int
hit
isi
susuall
ytri
ggeredbyani
nfect
ion,
suchasacoldorfl
u.yourvomit
ingi
saccompanied
bydizzi
nessandafeeli
ngofspinni
ngitmaybe
causedbyaninnereari
nfect
ioncal
ledl
abyr
int
hit
is.
Theywi
llusual
lyi
mpr
oveoveraf
ewdays.
"
Me:
"oh,
soi
t'
str
eat
abl
e?"
Dr:
"def
ini
tel
y,i
tist
reatabl
e.Iwil
lpr
escr
ibe
medi
cat
ionforyout
ot akefort
heti
mebeing"
Me:
"okt
hankyou"
Il
ookedatNtet
helel
oandIknowIshouldbehappyI
am notpr
egnantbutj
ustt
hethoughtandhopet
hat
Ist
il
lcanconvi
ncewasthere.
Me:
"it
'sok"
Hef
aint
lysmi
led."
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
42] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t89
[
AFEW WEEKSLATER]

Iam ner vous.Idon' tknowhowt of eelandsoas

Siyamt handa, Nhlanzekoi salsoher ewi t
hourot her
distantcousinsaswel l.AuntyJabul i
le,mom and
andMancanear eatt hekitchenIpr esume.It r
yt o
l
istent oanythi
ngt hatissaidintheot hersidebut
nothingishear d.MyLabyr int
hiti
sist reat
ableifI
maysay.Ihaven' tvomi t
edandgot tennauseat ed
forsomet i
menow.Nt et
helel
owassomehow
hoppi ngIwaspr egnantandIr eallyam gladIam
notatt hemomentbutIpr aysomemi raclehappens
, Ishouldbegr atefulIhaveZi khaliri
ght?
Si
ya:
"Ican'
tst
andt
hewai
t"
Me:"Youar
enotget
ti
ngmar
ri
edr
ightawayt
hat
's
whatyousai
d."
Shesi
ghed.
Me:
"Si
yamt
handa"
Si
ya:
"Iknow.I.
..
..
..
"
Shesatont
hebed.
Siya:"Doeslovehavet
ofeel
li
ket
his?Goodand
hurtsatthesametime?"
Me:"yeah.Butt
hatdoesn'
tmeanl
oveshoul
dhur
t
somuch."
Si
ya:
"Igetyou"
Therewasaknockont
hedoorandJabul
il
e
appear
ed.
Jabul
il
e:"comeout
.TheKhumal
ofami
lywantt
o
i
denti
fythei
rMakot
i"
Me:
"doweuset
hebl
anket
s.?"
Jabul
il
e:"no.Ther
estst
ayi
nher
e."
Wefixedour
sel
vesandwemadeourwayouttothe
l
oungearea.Wesatdownont
hefl
oorandlooked
down.
Dad:
"thesear
eourdaught
ers"
Baba:"BoMakotiani
thikancanenj
esini
bone(
My
daughter
s,canyouli
ftyourheadsabi
t.Wewentt
o
seeyou)"
Weli
ft
edourheadsupandwesmi
ledandt
heydi
d
aswel
l.
Baba:
",baket
hekahl
e(t
heychosewel
l)
"
Uncl
e:"def
ini
tel
y"
Dad:
"youcannowgot
oyourr
ooms.
Wewentt
oourr
oom andgoti
nandcl
osedt
hedoor
.
Si
ya:
",,
Ihopeal
lgoeswel
lforyouespeci
all
y",
Me:
"met
oo"
Ir
eal
lywantt
obeMr
sNt
ethel
eloKhumal
o.Mmh
ni
ceri
ngtoit
.

.
.
*SI
YAMTHANDA*

Beingwi
thAyandahasbeenabli
sswit
hupsand
downs.Hi
sexdoesn'tgi
veupshameandIam not
aboutt
ogivehi
m upaswell.Hei
sagentl
eguyand
pati
ent.Doesn'
twanttobeshout edatandhashis
Zulutendenci
esherandt hereandt heyar
eaturn
on.Sowhywoul dn'tIf
ightforthat.Mostofal
lhe
al
waysr emindsmehowmuchhel ovesmeandI
l
ovehi m aswell
.Igrewtolovehi m muchmore.
Il
ookedatAndiswaandshewasnervous.Zi
khal
i
wasasleepamoungstthesewomenonthebed.I
gi
ggledandsearchedf
ormyphone.
Me:
"Andi
swapl
easehaveyouseenmyphone?"
Andi
swa:
"no.Usemi
ne"
Shesmil
edandIblushed.Mom andot
herwomen
cameinwhi
leul
ulati
ng.
Andi
swa:
"thebaby"
Me:
"howdi
ditgo?"
Mom :
"ver
ywel
l.Youbot
har
enowpai
dfor
.Ful
ly"
Khul
uza:
"Thi
sisal
soyourhomer
emembert
hat"
Us:
"yesKhul
u"
OhmyGod.Ij ustcan'
tbel
ievesomeone,
noIj
ust
gotpai
dlobol
afor.
Jabul
il
e:"Oknowt
het
alk"
Aunt
y:"I
ndodaawuyi
shayi(youdon'
thi
taman)
"
Mom :
"hedoesn'
thi
tyou"
Aunt
y2:
"your
especthi
m"
Mom :
"her
espect
syou"
Andi
swa:"weknowalloft
hataunt
yandal
sot
he
bedr
oom busi
ness"
Wel
ookedathert
henal
leyesonme.
Me:
"what
?"
Mom :
"youar
est
il
lseal
edsoweshoul
dteachyou"
Me:
"AyandaandIar
enotget
ti
ngmar
ri
edsoon"
Mom :
'ei
therwayyouwil
lhavet
ogi
vei
tup.Test
f
ir
st,
heisyourhusbandnow"
Inoddedslowly.Idon'tthinkIam readyt ogiveitup
asyet.Theycar ri
edont alki
ngandt alkingandt hey
sai
dweshoul dcaterourinlawsinj ustaf ew
minutes.Theywi l
lcal
lus.Isearchedf ormyphone
andIcouldn'tfi
nditsoIt ookAndiswa' sandcalled
Ayanda.Iwassoexci tedandhappy.If elthappy.I
t
r
angonceort
wicebef
oreheanswer
ed.
Ayanda:
"Andi
swawearel
ateIknowbutwegot
del
ayedi
nanacci
dent"
Iwasaboutt
ospeak
Me:
"woahacci
dent,
?Ar
eyouok?Ayandat
alkt
o
me"
Ayanda:
"ei
sh.Iam ok.Wear
eok,
j
ustabr
okenl
eg
nothi
ngmuch"
Me:
"not
hingmuch?,
"
Ayanda:
"Ihavet
ogo.Il
oveyou"
Me:
"don'
tdr
ivemenut
swena"
Ayanda:
"baby"
Me:"st
opsayi
ngbabywher
eisNt
ethel
eloandt
he
r
est?"
Ayanda:
"theyar
eok.Weal
lar
e"
Me:
"ok"
Ayanda:
"cal
m down.Iam nott
hati
njur
ed"
Me:
"it
'sscar
y"
Ayanda:
"Youwon'
tlooseme.Howdi
ditgo?"
Me:
"wel
l"
Ayanda:
"Mam'
Khumal
owami"
Ibl
ushed.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
HehungupandAndi
swawal
kedi
npul
li
ngme.
Andi
swa:
"st
oodcal
li
ngbae."
Me:"Iwaschecki
ngonhim andhesai
dtheygot
i
nvol
vedinacaracci
dent"
Andi
swa:
ohmyGod.Ar
etheyok?"
Shewasnowwor
ryi
ng"
Me:
"hesai
dtheyar
efi
ne"
Shesi
ghedof
frel
ief.
Andi
swa:
"myLor
d."
Me:
"let
'sdi
shupt
otakeourmi
ndsof
fthi
ngs."
Andi
swa:
"Ok"
Wegott
otheki
tchenanddi
shedup.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Talki
ngt oSiyamt
handar eal
lyhel
pedmecal m
Down.Iwasf umi
ngandr eadybayingtoholdSina'
s
headlikeit
'sawatermelon.Shereall
yisst
epping
onmyt oesandIshouldjustgooutandsendal ast
messagebecausecl earl
ythelastonewasnot
heard.
Zamani:
"cal
m down.Wear
eoMbul
aziandnot
hing
canhar
m us"
Isi
ghed.Ntet
hel
eloi
sbeingcheckedmost
lysi
nce
hehasbangedhisheadbefor
e.Weareatt
he
wai
tingroom
Me:
"Iwi
llki
llher
,shei
sgoi
ngt
oof
ar"
Thel
o:"
cal
m down"
Isatdownandhel
dmyhandst
oget
heryeti
ntonot
t
hinki
ngandj
ustconcer
ntr
ateont
hel
eg.

*
SINA*

Ithoughtshewasi nthecar,Ithoughtshewi l
lbe
drivingnotAyandahimself
.WhenIhear dt hatthei
i
nt hehospitalIpani
cked.Didheseemyf ace
bef oret
hescene?Ihopenot .Ibitmynail
s.Ijust
hopehedoesn' tanddidn'
tseeme.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Lady:"f
eelfr
eetous.Youaremakinggreat
progr
ess,whati
syourgoalt
hisyear?Chall
engi
ng
si
tuat
ion"
Il
ookedaroundtheroom andIam sti
lli
nti
midated
bythei
rlooks.If
iddl
edwithmyfingersandIlooked
down.
Me:
"Iam Unat
hi.Asyoual
lknow."
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h.
Me:"mylif
ewast oomuchbutIam l
ear
ningt
o
bet
termysel
fformyfut
ureki
ds"
Lady:
"Iam wel
landgoodt
hatyouwantt
ochange
somethi
ngsinyou"
Inodded.
Lady:
'anyt
hingwi
llbepossi
ble."
Inoddedandt
hebel
lrang.
Lady:"wewil
lseeeachothernextwel
l
.West ood
upandf or
medal i
nebefor
ewewer ecuff
edtobe
takentoourf
orevercl
osedroom i
nourpri
soner
house.
Iam Unat
hiKhumal
ochangi
ngf
ort
hebet
terand
hopi
ngforbet
ter
.
.
.
.
tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
42] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t90

*
AYANDA*

Ntethelel
ocameoutandwal
kedt
owardsus.We
stoodupandZamanihandedmycrut
chestome
andIt ookthem.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Andi
swahasbeenbl
owi
ngmyphone
whi
leIwaswit
htheDr"
Thel
o:"and?"
Nt
ethelel
o:"t
heycheckedmeandt
heysaidt
hatI
am f
inebutIhavet
ocomebackformyresul
ts."
Me:
"Weshoul
dgoback."
Mbongeni:"no,l
et'
sgotot
hel
adi
es.Wewi
llsor
t
outyourexissuel
ater"
Igr
oaned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"l
et'
sgo.Ihopei
twentwel
l"
Me:"i
tdi
d.It
alkedt
oSi
yamt
handaandshe
i
nfor
medme"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ineedt
ocal
lAndi
swat
hen."
Hewal
kedof
f.
Zamani:
",
letust
akecar
eofever
ythi
ng.
"
Me:
"Iwantt
odoi
tmysel
f."
Mbongeni:
"Ayandali
stent
ousf
oronce.Youhave
Si
yamthandatothi
nkoff"
Me:
"andyouguys?"
Thel
o:"wecanst
il
lfunct
ion."
Igavehim alookandhel ookedatmyl egand
chuckl
edbef or
eIclickedmyt ongueandwewalked
outofthehospital
.If eel
uselesswi t
hthese
crut
ches.Ireal
lywanti tt
obemewhenIf aceSi
na.
Idon'
tknowwhyshei ssurfacingnowaftert
heway
shedroppedme.Justseei ngherdisgustsme.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Ical
ledAndi
swaback.Shemustbeangryatthi
s
momentbecauseshelef
tal
otofmissedcal
ls.I
t
rangtwi
cebefor
esheanswered.
Andi
swa:
"Iwassowor
ri
edsi
ck"
Me:
"Andi
swa"
Andiswa:"Don'
tAndi
swameNt
ethel
elongi
yazazi
ngubani(
IknowwhoIam )"
Me:
"Mam'
Khumal
o"
Shekeptqui
et.
Andi
swa:
"don'
ttr
yandsof
tenmeup"
Me:
"Iam not"
Andi
swa:
"Howar
eyou?Ar
eyouok?"
Me:"Iam ok.Not
hinghappenedt
ous.Just
Ayandawhobrokehisl
eg"
Andiswa:"IswearIwi
llgoal
lUnat
hi,
what
happened?"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogobaby"
Andi
swa:
"wai
t"
Me:
"Il
oveyouMr
sKhumal
o"
Andi
swa:
"Nt
ethel
elo!
"
Ichuckl
edasshewasfr
ustratedbef
oreIhungup.
TheguyscameoutandIlookedatAyanda.
Ayanda:
"don'
teven"
Me:
"Iwon'
tsayanyt
hing"
Zamaniopenedt hedoorforhi
m andhewas
i
rri
tat
ed.Igotinthecarinthef
rontseatwi
tht
he
cabdriverandtherestgoti
n.
Zamani:
"Weshoul
dhavecal
ledsomeone"
Me:
"ther
eisnot
ime"
Ayanda:
"Iam goi
ngcr
azy.Canyoudr
ive?
"
Thecabdr iverl
ookedscared.Henoddedand
star
tedthecarbef or
edrivi
ngoff
.Ilai
dbackonthe
seat.Ihaveami norheadachebutnot
hingel
se.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

wewer eupanddownser vi
ngourinlawsandt hem
aski
ngf ormorefood.Myf eetweregett
ingti
red
fr
om allther
unningaroundander r
andsthatwehad
todo.Ihaven'thear
df r
om AyandabutIhear
AndiswasaythatNtethel
eloisfi
ne.
Me:
"whatr
eal
lyhappened?"
Andi
swa:
"Ibeti
t'
sthatex"
Me:
"shecan'
tbecapabl
eoft
hat"
Andi
swa:
"Mmmh.Fr
om Unat
hiIl
ear
nedal
ot"
Ikeptqui
et.Mom wal
kedi
nandIsi
ghed.
Mom :
"comeanddi
shupf
oryourhusband'
s"
Me:'Iam notof
fi
cial
lymar
ri
edasyet
.Iam st
il
la
f
iance"
Andi
swa:"Iwi
llt
aket
hehusbandcompl
imentaunt
y
j
abs.TheB.A.
N.K"
Me:
"Bank?
"
Andi
swa:"yes.BhenguAndi
swa,
Ntet
hel
elo
Khumal
o.Bank"
Mom:
"nowyouar
eSkankwi
thnos"
Shet
ookt
het
rayandil
aughed.
Me:
"wowmom
Mom :
"Andyouar
eS.
A.N.
Kandwi
llbekakssoon"
If
rownedanAndi
swal
aughed.
Khuluza:
"eyibali
ndi
leabaf
anaSebef
iki
le!
(The
boysarewait
ing.Theyhavear
ri
ved)"
Mom :
"Goonyourknees"
Andi
swa:
"hemust
n'tgetusedt
oitt
hough"
Khul
uza:"yekaubuvi
lauhambe(st
opbei
ngl
azy
andgo)"
Wet ookthefoodandwentt owher eouri
nlawsar e
seated.Istar
tedwit
ht hel
osincehei sol
derthen
wentt oZamani.Andiswawasser vi
ngMbongeni
andNt et
helel
o.Isawt hatAyandahasal egcast
,kodwaNkosiyam.Igott ohim andhehadhi sj
aw
ti
ghtened.Seemedt obei
nt hought
sandal
soangr
y.
Iclear
edmyt hroatandhelookedatmeandI
l
ookeddown.
Ayanda:
"MaNt
uli"
Me:
"Ayanda"
Ayanda:
"Kut
hiwababa(yousaybaba)
"
Ishotmyheadupandtheguyslaughed.He
si
gnaledwit
hhisheadandIwentdownonmyknee
andheleanedf
orwardtot
akehisplat
e.
Ayanda:
"youar
ebeaut
if
ul"
Me:
"thankyou"
Ist
oodupaft
erhet
ookhisfoodandIt
urnedbef
ore
hecal
ledmeandIl
ookedathim.
Ayanda:"engathingizoyi
thandaleheyokuyel
wa
ngedol
o(It hi
nkIam goi ngtoli
kethegoingdown
onyourkneepar t)"
Themenl aughed.Ij
ustsmi
ledbutIknowt
hatwon'
t
happen.Hechuckledandwi
nkedatme.
Me:
"eatanddon'
tchoke"
Ayanda:
"Iwoul
dn'
t"
Itur
nedandst
art
edswayi
ngmyhipslef
tandright
andthent
heKhumal
o'sst
art
edchant
ingthei
rclan
names.
"Dudl
aNt ombiyakwaNt
uli,Dudl
amadol
okanyoko.
Angi
thukiwenangit
hukaUthando!"
Peopl
eul
ulat
edandsomewhi
stl
edandnoi
sewas
made.
It
urnedaroundandheldt hetr
ayandi twasAyanda.
Hestoodupt r
yingtostandproper
ly.Thenoi
se
di
dn'tst
opandi twasmaki ngmesomewhat .He
wassmi r
kingwhil
elookingatme.
Ayanda:
"ngabeuyangi
fakaNomauyangi
khi
pha?"
Iwentcl
osert
ohi
m.
Mom :
"yhi
il
il
iawuzweke!
!(Ul
ulat
ing)
"
Hehadhishandsonhi
schest
.Ir
emovedhi
s
handswhenIgott
ohim.
Me:"ngi
yakuf
akaenhl
izwenyiyam (
Iam put
ti
ng
youi
nmyhear t)
"
Thewhi
stl
esgotmor
eandmor
eandIl
aughed.
"BangeneMntanamingobugagubakho!
(Show
them mychi
ldwit
hyoursingi
ng!)
"
Il
aughed.Thatwasmom.
Ayanda:
"si
ngf
orme"
Inevert
houghtt
hisdaywoul
dcomer
eal
ly.
Me:
"angi
nendaba!
(Idon'
tcar
e)"
"
Angi
nendaba,
Angi
nendaba"
Imovedawayfr
om him abi
twhi
lesi
ngi
ng.Mom
cameandtookt
hetray.
Me:
"Mi
naangi
nendana!
"
Angi
nendaba,
Angi
nendaba
Me:
"Nomaengat
hengiskebhe
"
Angi
nendaba,
angi
nendaba
Me:
"Nomaengat
heng'
imot
o!
Angi
nendaba,
angi
nendaba
Ngi
thandeyenayedwa
Angi
nendaba,
angi
nendaba
St
handwasenhl
izi
yoyam !
Shel
emama,
shel
emama
Thambol
ekhent
hakhi!
Shel
emamashel
emama
Ngi
thandayenayedwa.
..
"
Hetookhiscr
utchandli
mpedt
owardsmeandI
waslooki
ngathim hegott
omeandkissedmy
f
orehead.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyoursi
ngi
ng"
Ismi
led.
Ayanda:
"(whi
sper
ingi
nmyear)
butmostofal
lI
l
oveyou."
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Il
ookedathi
mint
heeyes.
Ayanda:
"justyoursi
ngi
ngdi
dthi
ngsgome"
Igi
ggl
edandIdon'
tknowwhybutIl
ookeddown
andwelaughed
Ayanda:
"yeahl
aughatme"
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo"
Itur
nedandmademywaytot
hehouse.Igoti
nand
theyst
art
edmaki
ngnoi
se.
Mom:
"ohmychi
ldyoumadehi
m..
..
"
Shedi
dthef
istupact
ionandIl
aughed.
Me:
"Iam goi
ngf
ort
hisandyouar
edi
rt
y"
Mom :
"Iam j
ustsayi
ng"
Ishookmyhead.Wesatdownandat
easwel
l
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Ididn'tt
akeZikhal
iwit
hmebuthei scomi ngto
uMzi mkhuluaswellandwet r
avel
edthereri
ght
aftereati
ng.I
tsgett
inglat
eandverydarkaswel l
.I
l
aidmyheaddownandj ustsl
eptbecauseIwas
ti
red.
Wear r
ivedanditwasr eal
lylate.Wedi
dn'tevengo
andeatletal
onebat hproperlybutwedidbath.We
wenttoNtethel
elo'soutsi
deroom andheopened
thebedandIgoti n.Iwasr eall
ytir
edandtomorrow
i
sanotherday.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"comecl
ose"
Ishi
ft
edcl
osert
ohi
m.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"weshoul
dst
artpl
ani
ngt
heweddi
ng"
Me:
"gobi
gorgohomebaby"
Hechuckl
edandsi
ghed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam j
ustgl
adyouar
emi
nenow."
Me:
"Iwi
llf
oreverbeyour
sfr
om nowon."
Heki
ssedmyneck.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Weheardagroani
ngsoundandt
hingsfal
li
ng.I
openedmyeyeswenIwasaboutt
oclosethem."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"cl
oseyoureyes"
Me:
"ar
etheyok?"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"yeah.Imi
ssedyoui
nmyar
mssol
et'
s
r
est"
Me:
"yeah"
Icl
osedmyeyesandsnuggl
edcl
osert
ohi
m.
.
.
*
AYANDA*
Me:
"Mt
handagoeasy"
Si
ya:
"babyIam t
ryi
ngok.Justl
etmel
if
tthel
eg"
Me:
"Iwi
lldoi
t"
Shestepsof fandIlif
tmyl egonthebedandshe
cl
eansupbef or
esheshet akesoffhergownand
sheiswearingawhi t
eni
ght i
ethati
sLacyaswell
.
Usuall
yit
'sredorbl ackl
ingeri
ebutthi
sonemakes
herbeaut
ifulthanshealreadyis.Li
keanangel
.She
swit
chedof ftheli
ghtsandget si
nbedcaref
ull
yand
Iwrapmyar msaroundher .
Me:
"Mam'
Khumal
o"
Si
ya:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Me:
"ngi
yakut
handayezwa?(Il
oveyouok?)
"
Iranmyfi
ngersal
loverherbodysl
owlyki
ssi
ngher
neckandwenttosqueezeherbr
east
s.
Si
ya:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Ibitmybott
om l
ip.Itwasthere,t
hatIwashungr
y
forherandmysituat
ioni
sn'tal
lowingmemuch.
Si
ya:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Me:
"Mt
handa"
Si
ya:
"letmet
aket
hel
ead"
Istoppedandshet urnedtomeandki ssedmyl i
ps
andIr esponded.ShesatonmeandIhel dherbutt
andsqueezedi tandshegrindedonmewhi l
ewe
wereki ssing.Igroanedasshekeptongoi ngti
llI
washar denought opop.Iwascr avi
ngf orher.I
washungr yformywi fe.Sheranherfingersonmy
chestal lt
hewaydownt omypant sandshepul l
ed
them of fgett
ingoffmecarefull
y.Sheplacedher
coldhandsonmyshaf tandsheswal l
owed.
Me:
"youar
ecol
dbaby"
Si
ya:
"Iam sor
ry,
Mnt
ungwai
sscar
ingme"
Ichuckl
ed
Me:
"youwi
llseehi
mfort
her
estofourl
ives"
Shegi ggl
edbeforeshestar
tedl i
cki
ngslowlyl
ike
enj
oyi nganicecr
eam Sunday.Il ai
dmyheadback
andgr oaned.Shewentinfullyandtookmei n
deeplywithhermouthquickiningherpaceand
gaging.Myhandwentt oherhai randheldi
twhil
e
cursing.
Me:
"shi
tSi
yamt
handa"
Shequickenedherpacemor eandIcoul dfeelmy
musclesclenchi
ngandIt hi
nkshedi dtoobef ore
shemovedherheadandshest oppedandki ssed
myshaf tandwentt omythighsandcamet ocheck
again.Ibitmybottom l
ipanditcameagai n.My
shooti
ng.Shel i
ft
edherangellinger
ieandshe
movedherwhi teunderweartothesideandr ubbed
myshaf tonherpussyandshemoaned.St opped
forasecondputherhandsonmyshoul der
sand
l
ookedatme.
Si
ya:
"puti
tin"
Me:"Iwon'tt
akeyourpr
ideher
e.Iwantust
odoi
t
athometogetheri
nournewbed"
Si
ya:
"Iam hor
nysowhataboutme?"
Icar
ri
edonr
ubbi
ngmydi
ckonherandshemoaned.
Si
ya:
"Mmmh"
Thewayshecl osedhereyeswasmagicalt
ome.
Can'twai
ttopenetr
ateherandshowherreall
ove
,deeperl
ove.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
.
Sor
ryf
ort
hel
atepost
.Al
otofschoolwor
khel
dme

[
09/
17,
18:
43] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t91
"
Mnt
ungwa,
Mbul
az'
omnyama,
Ni
nabakaBhej
'eseNgome,
Ni
n'enadl
'
umunt
uni
myengangendaba,
Ni
n'enadl
'i
zimf
'ezi
mbi
lii
khambil
aphumal
il
inye,
Lobengul
akaMzi
li
kazi
,
Mzi
li
kazikaMashobana,
ShobananoGasakaZi
kode(cl
annames)
"
Baba:"si
nil
ethel
aoMakot iabazongenaemndeni ni
wakwethuboMbul az,nibavi
kelenibakhanyisel
e
i
ndlel
afuthini
bagade(wear ebringi
ngbr i
desthat
wil
lbepartofourfami l
yMbul azi,Pr
otectthem ,
l
ightupthewayf orthem andlookoutf ort
hem )"
Wewer einthehutwhereBabawasMakingthe
goatinhal
eimphepho.Wewer ewokenupinthe
weehour sofmorningt
ogoandbathatther
iver.
MeandSi yamthandaandthenaf
terwewere
broughtbackhereandnowthewholeKhumalo
f
ami
lyi
sint
hehut
.
Baba:"Sondel
aniNt
ethel
elo(comecl
ose
Ntet
helel
o)"
Wecamecl osert
ohim andtheyr
emovedthegoat.
Itmadeal
otofnoiseandtheyhel
ditunt
ili
tset
tl
ed
down.
Baba:"ngil
ethaumf anawami, uNtet
helelo.
Uset
hathaunkosikaziwesibi
liemndeni niuAndi swa
KhumalointokaziyakwaBhengu.Si thisicela
umshadoWabouphumel ele(Ibr i
ngmyson
Ntet
helel
o.Hei stakingasecondwi feint hefami l
y,
Andi
swaKhumal oaBhengumai den.Weaskt hat
youmaket heirmarri
ageproper)"
Therewascompl etesi
lence.HetooktheZulubeer
andgavei tt
omeandIt ookasi
pandNt ethel
eloas
wellandhet ookat i
nnedcupandNt et
helelospit
i
nsideandIdi dthesameandhet ookastickand
sti
rredi
ttogetherbeforepori
nginagreenishwater
bythewhol edisplay.
Baba:
"Ayandacome"
WemovedandAyandawi
thSi
yamt
handawent
fort
handwentont hei
rknees.Hedi dt
hesameas
wellandaskedforblessingsupont hei
rmar r
iage
andtheyspitthebeeraswel l.Af t
ereveryt
hingt he
twogoatswer eslaughtedandt hecowaswel l.We
thenwenttohelpouti nthekitchenasal it
tle
welcomeceremonywasdonef orus.Nt ethelel
o
andIaresti
llgoingtodot henecessar yZulu
processbef
orewegetmar r
ied.
Unami:"yhhuIam sohappy.Fi
nal
lyNt
ethel
elo
marr
iedyou"
Li
sa:
"tel
lmeaboutit.Siyamt
handasotel
lmewhy
ar
eyounotgonnamar r
yAyandabecauseyouar
e
pr
act
ical
lymar
riednow."
Si
ya:
"If
eell
ikei
t'
ssoon"
Unami:
"isn'
tthi
ssoonaswel
l?"
Si
ya:
"wel
l..
."
Li
sa:"Marrymybr
otheri
nthecourtke.I
t'
sno
di
ff
erentt
hanwhatyouareri
ghtnow."
Si
ya:
"wewi
llsee"
Theywer
etel
li
ngt
het
rut
h.Pr
act
ical
lySi
yamt
handa
i
smar r
iedt
oAyandanowasmuchasIam t
o
Ntet
hel
elo.
Khanyi
sil
e:"canyoupasst
hesal
t.?Ihaven'
tout
anyint
hedough"
Me:"Idon'
tthi
nkIwi
llhandl
epl
ani
ngat
radi
ti
onal
andwhit
ewedding"
Li
sa:"Wearehere.Wewil
lhel
pwitht
hetr
adi
ti
onal
oneespeci
all
ywhenyougi
ftourf
amil
y"
Unami:
"Ij
ustwantacarf
ormygi
ft
ing"
Aunt
y:"
yabusaNt
ombi(youar
ehappygi
rl)
"
Wel
aughed.
Mah:
"Andi
swawi
llgi
ftusnor
mal
ly"
Li
sa:
"haamah.Notevenabot
tl
eofwi
ne?
"
Me:
"Babawi
llki
llme"
Welaughed.Theywal
kedint
hekit
chenwi
tht
hei
r
wr
istscover
edupinawhit
eclot
h.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Youneedt
ogoandputoni
sphandl
aat
t
hehut."
Iwi
pedmyhands.
Me:
"ok."
Heki
ssedmycheekandIbl
ushedbef
oremeand
Si
yamthandawal
kedout
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

WegottothehutandAyandawassit
ti
ngonthe
chai
randZamaniwasalsother
eandbaba.We
wentonourkneesandbowedoutheads.
Baba:
"br
ingyourl
efthands"
Webroughtourl
efthandsandtheyputi
tonour
wri
stsandcover
editwithacl
oth.West oodup
whentheyweredoneandwalkedoutsi
de.
"
Mam'
Khumal
o"
Andi
swaandIt
urned,Ayandawal
kedoutwhi
le
l
impi
ngwit
hhiscrut
ch.
Andi
swa:
"oht
hisone."
Welaughedandshewal
kedof
f.Hest
oodI
nfr
ont
ofmeandsmi l
ed.
Ayanda:
"Mkami(mywi
fe)
"
Me:
"If
eelt
ri
cked"
Ayanda:
"doyour
egr
eti
t?"
Me:
"what?"
Ayanda:
"lovi
ngme"
Me:
"Idon'
tthi
nkt
hat
'spossi
ble."
Hechuckl
edandhel
dmywai
st.
Ayanda:
"andtothinkyouf
ri
endzonedmequi
cker
t
hanIcouldsayIl
ikeyou"
Igi
ggledandhi
dmysel
fwi
thhi
schestandhe
chuckl
ed.
Me:"Ihadt
ostar
tsomewher
ebef
oreIcoul
dsee
somethi
ngwor
thwhil
e"
Il
ookedupathi
m andheki
ssedmyf
orehead.
"Mam'
Khumal
o"
It
urnedandLi
sawassi
gnal
ingme.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogoMnt
ungwa"
Ayanda:
"Seemel
ater
."
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
Heki
ssedmyfor
eheadandl
etmegoandIwal
ked
t
owardsLi
sa.
.
.
*
SINAMANDLA*

Di
na:"Si
nawhenar
eyoust
oppingthi
s.?Lookyou
al
mostki
ll
edt
heper
sonyou'
love'"
Sher
oll
edhereyes.
Me:
"leavemeal
onepl
ease.Iam st
ressedenough
"
Sherol
ledhereyesandturnedint
oacor ner
.The
dri
vebecamesilentbutmusicwasplayi
ng.She
keptontappi
ngintoherst
eeringwheelunti
lwe
reachedVol kswagenandshepar kedhercarandwe
gotout .Iwant edt obuyacart ogetmear ound
becausecabswon' tdoforme.Shet ookherbag
andgotout .Wewer ematchingt oday.Shewas
wear i
ngnavyAdi dastracksuitswi thwhiteNikeai
r
forcesandIwaswear ingabl ackAdi dastracksui
t
withwhi t
eNi keairforce.Wewal kedinsi
deandI
i
mmedi atel
yf el
linlovewiththesmockygr eyPolo
tsi
.It ookoffmyshadesandwentar oundi t
.
Di
na:
"youseewhatyoul
ike?
"
Me:
"of
cause."
"GoodIam Tr
ist
anBr
ownshowmayIassi
styou?"
Wetur
nedandthi
sgoodl
ooki
ngcol
our
edwas
I
nfr
ontofus.
Di
na:
"(sof
tl
y)Modi
mo(God)
"
Shecl
osedhermout
handl
ookedaway.
Me:
"hi,
Sinamandl
aMpel
e"
Tr
ist
an:
"ni
cet
omeetyoumam."
Hesmil
ed.Icoul
dgetsomeofhi
mfort
het
ime
bei
ng.
Di
na:
"Si
nayouwi
llgetmei
nthecar"
Me:
"Aowadon'
tleave.That
'sDi
neki
le,
myt
win."
Tr
ist
an:
"Isee,
doyouf
indanyi
nter
esti
nthi
scar?"
Me:
"Defi
nit
elyIdoseeyoudr
ivi
ngi
tandIam next
t
oyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Tr
ist
an:
"Iam f
lat
ter
ed."
Me:
"ni
ceeyes"
Tr
ist
an:
"thankyou.Shal
lwepr
oceed?
"
Me:
"awubabyyoudon'
twantme?
'
Tr
ist
an:
"youar
eover
crowdi
ngmam"
Dinagiggl
ed.Iopenedthecardoorandheheldthe
doorandIgotinandsatonit.Theleat
herseat
sI
l
ikedverymuchandt hepri
ceseemedtobeinmy
range.
Di
na:"chooseasui
tabl
ecarsoyouwon'
tget
hi
ghj
acked."
Me'
"Icant
akecar
eofmysel
f."
ShenoddedandIgotof
f.
Me:"Idon'
tneedmuch.Shal
lwegotoyourof
fi
ce
andyouwil
lexpl
aint
hecarforme.
Tr
ist
an:
"ri
ght
."
Hecl
osedt
hecardoor
.
Tr
ist
an:
"ri
ghtt
hisway"
Wef
oll
owedhi
m.MmmhMrbr
own.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

afteral
otofupanddownIf i
nall
ygottoserve
Ayandaandi twasourl
unch.Iwentonmyknees
forhim andheseemedtoenjoyt
hatpartal
ot.
Ayanda:
"ngi
yabongaMam'
Khumal
o"
InoddedandIst
oodupandwentbackt
othe
ki
tchenandwesatdown.
Unami:
"youcandoi
tshame.Ial
waysseet
hese
wivesdoi
ngt
hesedut
iesandIj
ustgetdr
ainedf
or
t
hem."
Ne:
"ifyoul
ovesomeonei
t'
sthepr
icet
opay."
Li
sa:
"wher
eIAndi
swa?"
Khanyisi
le:
"shewentt
olaydown.Shei
snot
feel
ingok"
Li
sa:
"awushame.Ihopeshewi
llbeok"
Me:
"Iam hungr
y"
Mah:
"hel
pyour
sel
fmychi
ld"
Ismi
led.Me:
"thankyoumah"
It
hinkIam gonnal
ovemy'
mar
ri
age'
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
43] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t92

Afteraweekst ayinginUmzi mkhul uwehadt oleave

andgobackt oPr et
oria.Igotmyr esultsandI
passedver ywel lbutnotcum l audwel lbutIam
graduat i
ngpeopl e.Can' twai tforthosel i
tt
lekidst o
callme.Mam Khumal o.Ooouhiam l ovingi t,iam
movi nginwi t
hNt et
helelost raightaway.Iam gonna
mi ssdadbuthesai dhei sokwi t
hst ayingonhi s
own, hewi lljustdate.Il aughedathi m buther eal ly
needssomeone.Hecan' tbehunguponmom
foreverandIam outoft hehousenowsoheneeds
someonet omi nglewi thandspendsomet imewi th.
Iwasi ntheki tchenprepar i
ngsupperf orus.
Ntethelelowentbackt owor kabi tbuthesai dhe
willbacksoon.Hehi redanannyaswel ltohel p
aroundandIr eallyappr eciatet hatbecauset heki ds
cangetabi tt oomuchatt i
mes.Theyar egr owi ng
andst arttor evealtheirper sonal it
iesandt heyar e
notni ceatt i
mes.Especi al
lywhenZi khalij
ustcr i
es
outoft hebl ue. Iheart hebabysoundandIgr oan.
Ijustlaidthem t osleep.Iwashmyhandsovert he
si
nkandIwipethem andmademywayt othe
nurser
y.If
oundLethopul
li
ngtheNanny'
sbrai
dsas
shewascryi
nginherarms.
Me:
"Iwi
llt
akeher"
Thenannyhandsheroverandsheset
tl
esdown.
Me:
"whati
swr
ongmybaby?"
Sheishavi
nghiccupsandIwal
koutwit
hhertoour
bedr
oom andIsearchformywal
let
.Icoul
dn'
tfi
nd
i
t.
Me:
"let
'sgodownt
hest
air
s"
Wewalkedoutandwentdownt
hest
air
sand
Nt
ethel
eloent
eredt
hedoor.
Me:
"doyouhaveaR2?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"for?"
Me:
"Let
hoi
shavi
nghi
ccups"
Hef
rowned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"letmecheck"
Het
ookouthi
swal
letandhegavemeaR5
Ntet
hel
elo:
"that
'st
heonl
ymeIhave.Ther
esti
s
paper"
Me:
"ok.Thanks."
Itooki
tandwentt
osi
tdown.Ilickedherf
orehead
andpastedt
heR5androckedherbackandfort
h.
Ntet
helel
o:"mom usedt
oputpaperonour
f
oreheads"
Me:"I
t'
sdi
ff
erentandIam br
ingi
ngl
uckuponher
aswel
l"
Hechuckl
edandsatnextt
omeandki
ssedmy
cheek.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Icansmel
lthecooki
ng"
Me:
"Mi
nenhl
epl
easecheckt
hepot
sforme"
Shecamedownt
hest
air
s.
Mi
enhl
e:"
MeKhumal
o"
Shewal
kedof
ftot
heki
tchen.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Zamanii
shost
ingabr
aait
omor
row.
Hewonacase"
Me:
"wowthat
'samazi
ngwheni
sheget
ti
ng
mar
ri
ed?"
Hel
aughed
Nt
ethel
elo:youshoul
daskhi
mthatquest
ion."
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
Ntet
helelo:
"Igotaweddi
ngpl
annerf
oryou.
Ever
ythingwil
lbetoomuchf
oryoual
one"
Me:
"'
whosai
dIwaspl
anni
ngal
one?
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whower
eyoupl
anni
ngwi
th?"
Me:
"youMrKhumal
o"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam col
ourbl
ind.Iwi
llmesst
hingsup"
Me:
"that
'sanexusebabeandyouknowi
tMbul
azi
"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ican'
tdoi
t"
Me:
"ok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ar
eyouangr
y?"
Me:
"no.Iam not"
Mi
nenhl
eappear
ed
Mi
nenhl
e:"shoul
dIchopt
hecar
rot?"
Me:
"No,
pleaset
aket
hisonet
obed"
Shecamecl
oseandt
ookLet
hot
henwal
kedaway.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantt
otakeashower"
Me:
"got
hen"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wi
thyou"
Me:
"youcanwai
t"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"ok"
Heopenedt
hetvandIwalkedt
otheki
tchen
f
ini
shi
ngupthecooki
ng.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Ikissedherneckandshegi
ggl
edwhi
lesqui
rmi
ng
around.
Si
ya:
"haahAyandaIam t
ryi
ngt
orest"
Me:"youmakei
tseem l
ikeIgaveyouahel
lofa
ni
ght"
Si
ya:
"youcoul
dn'
tsl
eepsoIhadt
okeepyouup"
Iki
ssedheragai
nandbi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Me:
",Il
oveyou"
Ipul
ledhert
obeonmeandshef
acedmeand
ki
ssedmyl i
ps.
Si
ya:
"Il
oveyoumor
eMnt
ungwa"
Ti
ngl
eswentdownmyspi
newhenshesai
dthat
.
Me:
"Mmh"
Shepl
acedbot
hherhandsei
thersideofmyhead
andwhi
sper
edinmyearwhil
egr i
ndingme.
Si
ya:
"Ayanda"
Mybr
eat
hingwassl
owandsof
t.
Me:
"st
handwaSam (myl
ove)
"
Si
ya:
"Iwantust
otr
yforbabySi
yanda"
Me:
"huh?"
Shegi
ggl
ed.I
t'
ssoonf
orababyr
ight?
Si
ya:
"Iam ki
ddi
ngbut.
..
."
Shecameclosert
omyearandni bbl
edit
.Ihel
dher
but
tandsqueezeditandshemoaned.
Si
ya:
"Ayanda"
Me:
"Mt
handa"
Shebl ewonmyearsof tl
yandchil
lswentdownmy
spi
ne.Shepl acedherhandsundermyvestand
caressedmeandki ssedmylipsandIretur
nedit
whileshegr indedonme. Iwasr ockhardand
couldf eelt
hepai n.Shebroketheki
ssandIt ookof
f
myvestandshedi dwi t
hhertooandthrewitaway
beforesheki ssedmeagai n.
Si
ya:
"Iwantt
obei
nchar
ge"
Inoddedandshelai
dmedownandIt ouchedher
boobssqueezi
ngthem.Shesmirkedbefor
eshe
star
tedki
ssi
ngmybodygoi ngdown.[Content
foundint
hegroup]

.
.
*
SINAMANDLA*

Ihavebeenkeepi
ngt absonAyandaandhei s
happywithhisbi
tchbutnotforlongwhileIam st
il
l
here.Ij
ustcameoutofthemal lfr
om doingmy
nail
sandhairandIwasaskingi ntheundergr
ound
parki
ng.Myphoner angandIanswer ed.Itwas
Dina.
Me:
"what?"
Di
na:
"Mi
kei
sher
e"
Mike,myexf i
nancefr
om France.Theguywas
sweetandallbuthewasmissingqual
it
iesofaZul
u
manthat.Need."
Me:
"whatt
hehecki
shedoi
ngt
her
e!?
"
Iwal
kedt
owar
dsmycar
.
Di
na:
"IDon'
tknow.Comesor
tyourman"
Me:
",
hei
snotmymananymor
e"
Acarwast
urnedoni
tsi
gni
ti
on.
Di
na:
"Idon'
tcar
e.Come!"
ShehungupandIcur
sed.
Me:
"fuck!"
Ishovedthephonei nmybagandl ookedformy
keysandIhear dascreechingsoundandIt urned
butnocarcame.Icar r
iedonwal kingandIfelta
sti
ngtwiceonmybackandIt oucheditandblood
cameout .Iwasshot .Itriedtorunandmot her
sti
ngonmyl egsandIwasdown.Mybaggot
scatt
eredandIt r
iedtocrawl t
oitbutIwasloosing
toomuchbl oodandmyvi sionwasseeingdouble.
Me:
"Hel
p"
Isawabr ownI
tal
ianshoeI
nfr
ontofmebutIwas
sti
llbl
urr
edbymyweakness
Me:
"(sof
tl
y)hel
p"
"Youmessedwi
tht
hewr
ongKhumal
o"
ThatallIhear
dbef
orehest
ompedmyheadandi
t
waslightsout.
.
.
*SI
YAMTHANDA*

Thecoverscover edournakedneed.Notcompl
etel
y
butitdi
d..Ijustcan'tbeli
eveIgavei
tupandi
twas
sorebutIli
keditaswel l.Ayandaki
ssedmy
for
eheadandIsmi le.
Ayanda:
"youar
ever
ywi
ld"
Me:
"Iam mymot
her
'sdaught
er"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyouMr
sKhumal
o"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oobabe"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ipul
ledt
hecover
Me:
"wheni
saunt
ycomi
ngback?"
Ayanda:
"shemi
ghtst
ayi
nKznnow"
Me:
"why?"
Hebi
thi
sbot
tom l
ip.
Ayanda:
"formoment
sli
ket
hese"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"let
'sgetyourl
egheal
edf
ir
stt
henwecando
mor
e"
Ayanda:
"youpr
ovedyouar
eapr
oint
hissono
needtowai
t"
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa"
Ayanda:
"iam .
..
..
"
Hisphonei
nter
rupt
edhi
m asi
trangandhe
answeredi
t
Ayanda:
"hel
lo"
Hesatupandl
ookedatmeandIdi
dtoo.
Ayanda:
"thanks"
Hehungupandpul
ledmet
ohi
m af
terput
ti
nghi
s
phonedown.
Me:
"ar
eyouok?"
Hesmi
led.
Ayanda:
"Iam ver
ymuchbet
ter"
Heki
ssedmycheekandpul
lsmecl
oser
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
43] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t93

*
ZAMANI*

Mbongeni:
"howi
sshe?"
Me:
"Shei
snotmovi
ng"
Thel
o:"comebacki
nsi
de"
Il
ookedatherandImademywayt othecar
.
MbongenigavemewipesandIwipedmyshoes
becauset
herewasabitofbl
oodandThelodrove
off
.
Me:"Weneedtostopbythest
orest
obuysome
st
ufff
ort
hebraait
omorrow"
Mbongeni:
"Iwi
llcal
lAyandaandi
nfor
m hi
m about
hi
sex"
Me:"Ihopet
hisi
sthel
astt
imewehavet
odealwi
th
t
his."
Mbongeni:
"inevert
houghtyouhadi
tinyouMr
Lawyer
."
Thel
o:"youar
ethesof
tonephel
a"
Me:
"Nx"
Theychuckl
ed.It
ookoutmyphoneandgotbusy
wit
hit.Wegottotheot
hersi
deofthemal
landwe
gotoutoft
hecarandmadeourwayin.
Mbongeni:
"Iwi
llgobuyt
healcohol
.Thel
owi
llt
ake
car
eofthemeat
.Yougetrest"
Me:
"Iam goodwi
tht
hat"
Wewentourseper at ewaysandIwenttothe
supermarketandItookt hetr
oll
eyandmademy
wayi n.Ist
artedwiththeroll
sandwentforthe
snacksandIwentt ot akesomesaucesfor
marinati
ngthemeatandal l
.Therewasaladynext
tomewhowast al
kingont hephonewhi
leshoving
thesauceinherbasket .
Her:
"Mandlankafonoeahau, Mi
keouemet se'
me
kehanahomokhahlisa!
(pi
ckupyourphone,Mike
i
swaiti
ngforyouandIwon'tkeeponent
ert
aini
ng
hi
m! )
Ir
eachedforthesauceaboveherandshetur
ned
dr
oppinghercallandcl
icki
nghert
ongue.
Her:
"nankaut
husa?
(canIhel
pyou?)
Me:
"Youcanmovemaybe"
Her:
"can'
tyouseeIam st
andi
ng?
"
Il
ookedathernamet
agonher
Me:
"Ok.
..
."
Her:
"mamelaHakemot soal
leoahau(don'
tbe
f
orwardok?Iam notyourfr
iend)
"
Sheopenedthetomatosauceandpouredi
tonme
andIchuckl
edbeforeshedroppedi
tandwalkedof
f
cl
icki
nghertongue.
Me:
"fuck."
Itur
nedandjustwalkedt
othet
il
ltopay.Ihadt
o
payfort
hetomatosauceaswel
l.Isawherpassby
andIl
ookedather
.Shehasaf
iest
yat
ti
tude.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Iwassohappyt oseemymot heraft

eralongti
me.
YesIam angrythatsheupanddesertedmeli
ke
thatbutIwashappytoseeherbecauseIneeded
herhelp.
Mom :
"Youl
ookdi
ff
erent"
Me:
"thankyou"
Mom :
"it
'sugl
y"
Me:
"wowt
hanks."
Mom :
"whatam Iher
efor?
"
Me:
"coul
dyouj
ustpr
etendt
obehappyt
oseeme?
"
Shekeptqui
et.
Me:
"iknewIshoul
dhaveaskedf
ordadt
ocome.
At
leasthedoes."
Mom :
"Iam sor
ry"
Me:"Ij
ustwantyout
ocomebacki
naf
ewmont
hs
t
ime"
Mom :
"why?"
Me:
"youwi
llsee.Justdoso"
Mom :
"ok."
Il
ookedather.Howcoul
dInotseeit?Shoul
dI
tr
ustheragai
n?Idon'
tknowreal
lyandIam scar
ed
aswell
.Isigh

*
DINA*

Sinawasn'ttaki
ngmycallsandit
sbeenhoursnow.
IsitonthebedandIsigh.Myphoner i
ngsandI
j
umpt otakeitandIanswerqui
ckl
y.
Me:
"Si
na.
..
"
"I
t'
snotSi
na"
Me:
"oh.Whoi
sthi
s?"
Themanbehi
ndchuckl
ed.
"Youdon'
trememberme?"
Me:
"No"
Isatdownont
hebed.
"Theguyyouspi
ll
edt
omat
osauceonatt
he
super
market"
Icl
osedmyeyest
aki
ngi
nashar
pbr
eat
h."
Me:"OhKemasoabi,haketsebehor
enahokene
engkanna.(ohIam sor
ry,Idon'
tknowwhatgot
i
ntome.)"
"Iam aZul
uman"
Me: "Oh.Sorr
y,uhm IwasupsetandIshoul
dn'
t
havetakenmyangeroutonyou.Ishoul dhave
walkedoff
."
"Youwi l
lhavet
ocl
eanmyshi
rtbecausei
t'
smy
favour
it
e"
Me:
"I.
..
.Iok"
Isi
ghed.Ihavenochoi
ce.
"Wher
ecanIdr
opi
tof
f?"
Me:
"dr
ycl
eaner
s"
Hechuckl
ed.
"Iwi
llbet
her
eat8am "
Me:
"Wai
twhoar
eyou?"
Hi
m:"cal
lmeMrZ.
Kfornow"
Hehungup.Ilookedatmyphone.Iwonderhow
hegotmynumbersfrom.It
ri
edSinaagai
nandshe
di
dn'
tanswer
.
Me:
"damnyousi
namandl
a."
Idon'tevenknowthi
sAyandat hatSi
nai
sobsessed
about.Ifixedmysel
fandwalkedoutoft
he
bedroom andIwenttothel
oungeandMi kewassti
ll
here.
Me:
"shei
soutoft
ownAbi
t"
Mi
ke:
"whenwi
llshebeback?"
Me:
"Iam notsur
e.I
fwor
kdel
ay."
Hestoodupandoutt
hegl
assdownandki
ssedmy
hand.
Mi
ke:
"iwi
llbebackf
orher
"
Inoddedandhewal kedtowardsthedoorandI
foll
owed.Heopenedt hedoorandhewal ksoutand
Ilockedi
tandturnedandleanedoni t
.Ijusthope
Sinaisoutoft
roublewhereversheis.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iwokeupbri
ghtandearlyforAndiswa.Iwant edt o
makeherbr
eakfastbutnotinbedt hough.Iwon' t
goupthest
air
swi t
hat r
ay.IaskedMi nenhleto
hel
poutandshedid,Iwast oast
ingthebr eadand
shemadesomeeggs.
Mi
nenhl
e:"MsAndi
swai
sluckyt
ohaveyou"
Me:
"Iam t
hel
uckyone."
Mi
nenhl
e:"andshehasgoodgenes.Ver
ybeaut
if
ul
ki
ds"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"mi
near
est
ronger
."
Mi
nenhl
e:"(smi
li
ng)Icansee"
Me:
"letmegowakeher"
ShenoddedandIwi pedmyhandsbef oremaking
mywayupt hestai
rs.Igoti
nourbedr oom andshe
wassti
llasl
eep.Ihoveredoverherandkissedher
cheekandshesquir
med.
Me:
"Mor
ningsugarpl
um "
Andi
swa:
"youar
eheavyNt
ethel
elo"
Me:
"Ki
ssmef
ir
st"
Andi
swa:
"Ihaven'
tbr
ushedmyt
eet
h"
Me:
"Idon'
tcar
e."
Iper
kedherl
ipsandshesqui
rmed.
Me:"Imadebr
eakf
astf
oryouwi
tht
hehel
pof
mi
nenhle"
Andi
swa:
"Idon'
ttr
ustt
heseyoungnanni
es"
Me:
"don'
twor
ry.Iam notsnat
chabl
ethi
sti
me"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Andi
swa:
"ok.Iwantt
otakeashower
."
Igotof
fherandshewentt
otakeashower
.
.
.
.
*
DINA*

Iwaswokenupbyaknockont hedoor.Ir
eal
ly
hopeit
'sSina.Iwentt
obr
ushmyteethandwentt
o
answerthedoor.
Me:
"ke'
nat
la(Iam comi
ng)"
Idraggedmysl i
ppersandwentt oopenthedoor
andt hemanfrom yester
dayatt hesupermarket
washer e.Il
ookedathi mf rom thebot
tom t
ot he
topandhehadast r
aightface.Iswall
owedandhi s
colognecan'
tbemi ssed.
Him:"i
ntombazaneayi
vumingal
ezi
khat
hi(agi
rl
doesn'
twakeupatthi
stime)"
Me:
"huh?"
Hi
m:"i
t'
snotgoodt
hatyouwakeupt
hisl
ate."
Me:
"hi"
Hehandedhi
sshi
rtoverandIt
ooki
t.
Me:
"uhm r
ight
."
Hi
m:"Iwi
llf
etchi
twhenyouar
edone"
Me:
"whydon'
tyout
akei
ttot
hedr
ycl
eaner?
"
Hi
m:"youmessedi
tup.Nott
hedr
ycl
eaner
s"
Me:
"ri
ght"
Hi
m:"Ihavet
ogo.Yougotmynumber?"
Me:
",
yes"
Hewasi
nti
midat
ingIwon'
tli
e.
Hi
m:"st
opl
ooki
ngatme"
Iswall
owedandhet
urnedandbumpedi
ntopol
ice
off
icer
s.
Off
icer:"
Hel
lo.Wher
ecanwef
indDi
neki
leMpel
e?
"
Me:
"that
smeof
fi
cer
."
Theguyst
oodt her
ewi
thhandsi
nhi
spocket
.
Wasn'
theleavi
ng.?
Of
fi
cer:
"Ohyes,
areyour
elat
edt
osi
namandl
a
Mpel
esomehow?"
Me:
"uhm yesshei
smyt
winsi
ster"
Wedon'tl
ookt
hesame.It
'shardtot
ellt
hatweare
t
wins.Evensi
ster
s.Myheartwasbeati
ngfast
.
Whatdi
dshedo?
Off
icer:"unfor
tunat
elywecamebeari
ngbadnews.
Yoursisterwasfoundatt
hemallpar
kingl
otshot
3t
imes"
Me:
"issheok?"
Iwaspani
cki
ngandt
ear
swer
bint
hever
geof
comi
ngout."
Off
icer:
"unfor
tunat
elyshedi
dn'
tmakeit.Wecame
t
oinform youandifyoucani
denti
fyherbody"
Ial
mostwentdownbutt
hismancaughtmeandI
cri
ed.Hepi
ckedmeup.
Hi
m:"Thankyou"
Of
fi
cer:
"anyt
ime"
theywalkedof
fandheki
ckedt
hedoorcl
osedwhi
le
carr
yingme.
Me:
"Iam dr
eami
ngr
ight?
"
Isai
dchocki
ngi
ntear
s.Heputmeont
hecouch.
Hi
m:"Iwi
llgetyousomesugarwat
er.
Ihel
donhi m andwalkedmor
e.Ican'
tbeal
one.She
can'
tleavemel i
ket
hat.
Me:
"shecan'
tdoonme.Ineedher
."
Isobbed.Hej
ustbecamesi
lent
.Ican'
tbel
ievei
t.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
44] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t94

*
SIYAMTHANDA*

"UMakot'
ungowet
hu(
Siyavuma)
usengowet
hungempel
a(Si
yavuma)
..
..
."
Unami:
"uzosi
thengel
aici
der!
..
.
Ladi
es:
"Si
yavuma,
si
thi.
..
"
Me:
"woahIam notget
ti
ngmar
ri
ed."
Andi
swa:
"doat
urnar
ound"
Idi
d
Li
sa.
:"
getmar
ri
ed.
youcanseethatt
hisweddi
ng
gownwasmadeforyou.I
t'
sasign"
Me:
"ther
eisnosi
gn.Yanel
isa."
Andi
swa:
"unj
alokewena,
Nanni
eswi
llt
akeyour
man"
Unami:
"somet
hingwr
ongwi
thyournanny?"
Andi
swa:
"Idon'
tknowwhatbutshei
sIdon'
tknow
what
.?Seduci
nginaway"
Li
sa:
"rel
ax.Wewi
llhi
ther"
Me:
"hai
bo."
Unami:
"ser
ious"
Andi
swa:"
Itr
ustNt
ethel
elo.ItherIdon'
ttr
ust
.
Womenwoulddoanythi
ngt ogetamanandt hat
worr
iesme"
Me:"wewil
lseewhenNt
ethel
eloact
soutofor
der
t
hroughl
ovepoti
on."
Andi
swa:
"youar
eri
ght"
Thesal
esl
adycamet
owar
dsus.
Lady:
"ar
eyoust
il
lfi
nel
adi
es?"
Andi
swa:"Il
ovet
hebridemai
d'sdr
essandmy
weddi
nggownisper
fect."
Lady:
"wonder
ful
.Andyoumam ?"
Li
sa:
"shei
staki
ngi
t"
Me:
"no.
..
."
Unami:"yes.Weloveit. Wear
est
il
lsear
chi
ngf
or
br
idesmaidsdresses."
Lady:
"okmam"
Me:
"no"
Theyst
oodupandpul
ledmyhand.
Li
sa:
"uyashadawena.Ngekesi
dlal
ewena(you
ar
eget
ti
ngmar r
ied.Wewon'
tbeplayedbyyou)
"
Me:
"hai
bo!"
Them :
"shh"
.
.
*
DINA*

Me:
"Aunt
y"
Aunty:"Hayi!Seewhereyouaregonnaburyyour
si
ster.Wedon' twantanyt
hingt
hatassoci
atewi
th
yourmother"
Tear
slef
tmyeyesasIcr
addl
esmysel
font
he
bedr
oom cor
ner
.
Me:
"kemasoabigor
om.
..
..
(Iam sor
ryaunt
y..
..
.)
"
Aunt
y:"Don'
tcal
lmeagai
nLi
neo!
"
ShehunguponmeandIcr ied.Idon' tknowwhat
todo.Sinaisatt hemot uaryfor4daysnowandi t'
s
agoodt hingIsignedSi naforaf uneralpol i
cybutI
don'tthi
nkitwil
lpayoutbecauseIst arted3mont hs
agowhenshecamet olivethi
ssi de.Idon' tknow
whatt odoatthismomentanhersuddendeat his
definedtaki
ngat ollonme.It ookouronl ypi ct
ure
wehaveofourmot herwhenwewer eyoungandI
cri
edwhi lehol
dingi t
.Iam al onenow.Wel ost
Mom andnowIl ostt heonlyper sonwhol ovedme.
WhohadmybackasIal wayshadher satt i
mes.
Yesshedi dalotofwr ongst uffbutshedi dn't
deservetodie.Ther ewasaknockont hedoorand
Istoodupandmademywayt othedoorandI
openedandi twast hatguyagai n.
Me:
"yourshi
rti
snotr
eady"
Hewal
kedi
n.
Hi
m:"Iam nother
efort
hat"
Me:
"oh"
Isni
ff
ed.
Hi
m:"Howi
sever
ythi
nggoi
ng?"
Me:
"Idon'
twantanypi
tysopl
easel
eave"
Hi
m:"Iwon'
t"
"
Ihear
d"
It
urnedandi
twasMi
ke.
hel
ookedr
ednoteven
pi
nk.
Me:
"yeah."
Hewal
kedpastt
heguyandwentt
osi
tont
hecouch.
Mi
ke:
"Ican'
tbel
ievei
t."
Guy:
"Iwi
llseeyoul
ater
."
Me:"Iwi
llt
akeyourshi
rtt
othedr
ycl
ean,
youwi
ll
f
etchitt
here"
Het
urnedandhel
dmywai
st.Myhear
twasbeat
ing
f
ast
.
Guy:
"Iwi
llf
etchyou.Youcan'
tbeal
onei
nthi
s
st
ateandi
t'
sanor
der"
Me:
"youdon'
tknowmesoyouwon'
ttel
lmeshi
t!"
Mi
ke:
"ar
eyouguysok?
"
Guy:
"awut
hul
ewena.(Keepqui
et)
"
Hel
etgoofmywai
standwal
kedout
.
Mi
ke:
"yourboyf
ri
endl
ooksvi
olent"
Me:
"hi
sisnotmyboyf
ri
end."
Icl
osedt
hedoor
.
.
.
*
AYANDA*

Iwal
kedaroundmyof f
ice.Iwasrel
ievedt
hatSi
na
i
stakencareofandhereZamanicomeswithshi
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Youar
eri
ski
ngusZamani"
Zamani:"Iam al
awyer.Iknowhowt
ocovermy
tr
acks.Shewon'tknow"
Mbongeni:
"Kodwasekumel
eumqomevel
e?(You
havet
odateher?)"
Zamani:
"wearenotdat
ing.Iam j
usthel
pingout
.
Shei
saloneandhasnooneinhercorner
."
Ther
ewasaknockont
hedoor
.
Me:
"fuckyouf
orbei
ngsof
t!"
Zamani:"Iam ol
dert
hanyou.Icanbr
eakyour
otherl
eg"
Me:
"Nx"
Theknockwasper
sist
ent.
Me:
"Opent
hedoorpl
ease"
Itookthewhiskyandpourediti
naglassandI
gulpedthesubstanceandthedoorsl
ight
lyopened
Andithrewtheglasstowar
dsit.
"Ah!"
Thedooropened.Iwasshaki
ngonanger
.
"whatt
hef
uck!?
"
Thel
o:"Ayanda!
"
Me:
"Sor
tit
.Bef
ore.
..
..
"
It
ookmycr
utchandwal
kedoutt
hedoor
.
"Mnt
ungwa"
If
eltahandonmyshoul
derandSi
yamt
handa
st
oodInfr
ontofme.
Si
ya:
"whati
swr
ong.?"
It
ri
edt
ocal
m down.Shehel
dmyf
ace.
Si
ya:
"look atme,
not
hingel
se."
Il
ookedatherandIr
est
edmyf
oreheadonher
s.
Siya:"cal
m down.What
everi
tis.Justt
hink
rati
onall
y."
Ihel
dherwai
stwi
thmyhand.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
If
eltmysel
fcal
m down.
Si
ya:
"Il
oveyout
oo."
Shesmi
ledandIchuckl
ed.
Me:
"howwast
hedr
essf
it
ti
ng?"
Si
ya:
"itwasok"
Me:
"don'
tyouwantt
ogetmar
ri
edaf
teri
t?"
Sheshookherhead.
Si
ya:
"NotnowMnt
ungwabutwewi
ll"
Inodded.
"MrKhumal
o"
I
twasmypa.
Me:
"cancelanymeet
ings"
Her:
"yessi
r"
Shewasst
il
lst
andi
ngt
her
e.
Si
ya:
"let
'sgosoIcancookf
oryoubaby"
Shel
ookedatmyPAandt
hent
ookmyhandI
want
edtochuckl
e.
Me:
"(whi
sper
ing)youdon'
thavet
obej
eal
ous."
Si
ya:
"Doyouwantt
ost
ayor.
..
."
Me:"no.Iwantt
obewi
thyouandhavedeser
tas
wel
l"
Si
ya:
"sur
e,cust
ardandpuddi
ng"
Wegoti
ntheel
evat
or.
Me:
"andabi
tMt
handa?
"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ipandshel
aughed.
Si
ya:
"mmmhmaybe."
Me:
"letmecal
lthedr
iver,
youshoul
dlear
ntodr
ive
"
Si
ya:
"yeah"
Me:
"thel
adi
es?"
Si
ya:
"ar
ghIwi
llseet
hem l
ater"
Inodded.
.
.
.
Tobe.Cont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
44] :~Mi
str
ess~
I
nser
t95

*DI
NA'
SAUNT*

Iwaspaci ngupanddownt hel

ounge.Li
neois
testi
ngmef orr
eal.Aft
ercount
lesst
imesIhave
toldherandhersi
stert
hatshemustpret
endweare
deadt oher.
Me:
"Thabi!"
Thabi
:"Mme(
mom )"
Me:
"nkhonookae?
(wher
eisgr
anny?)"
Shewal
ksi
nthel
ounge.
Thabi
:"i
nherbedr
oom.Shesai
dwhat
everyou
wantt
osaycometoher"
Ipushheroutoft
hewayandwentt
omymot
her
's
room.
Mom :
"hobanenghaoloanalemamati
?(whati
s
goi
ngon?whyar eyoufi
ght
ingwit
hthedoors?)
"
Sheatupf
rom hebed.
Me:
"Li
neocal
led."
Mom :
"obat
laeng?
(whatdoesshewant?)
"
Me:
"khai
tsel
ieahaeeshoel
e(Hersi
steri
sdead)
"
Iwaspaci
ngupanddown.
Mom :
"whatdoesshewant?"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Mom :"Hakebatl
ehoamanalebanabaLetsha(I
don'
twantanyt
hingt
odowit
hLetsha'
schi
ldren)"
Me: "exact l
y.Afterwhatshedi d.hokhethamonna
eaokamet senglelapalahaemonnaoaSezul umme
shebaj oaleoi l
eabal ehammeamosi ealebrats
eooi l
eaut loabohlokohof i
hlelaakenakalebit
leng
mmej oalebanabahaebabat lahotl
amona? Che,
kehana! (choosingamanoverherf amilyaZulu
manandl ooknowher anawayandl eftherwit
h
thosebr atsshesuf fer
edti
llshegotint hegr
aveand
nowherki dswantt ocomeher e?noIr ef
use!)
"
Mom :
"Idon'
twantanyt
hingt
odowi
thher!"
Ther
ewasaknockont
hedoor
.
Thabi
:"mme"
Me:
"engNt
habi
seng?
(whatNt
habi
seng?
)"
Thabi
:"nt
ateot
eng(dadi
sher
e)"
Me:
"wewi
llt
alkl
atermme(
mom )
"
Mom :
"Idon'
twantLet
sha'
ski
dsher
e."
Me:
"theywon'
tcome."
Iwal
kedoutoft
hedoor
.
.
.
*
DINA*

Itookthetr
aywit
hthecupsandthelef
tover
biscui
tsandwenttot
hekit
chen.Iputthedi
shesin
thesinkandthet
rayawayandIwentbacktothe
l
ounge.
Mi
ke:
"Idon'
tknowwhyshebr
okeupwi
thme"
Me:
"Mi
chael"
Hesobbedandi
twashear
tbr
eaki
ng.
Mike:
"Il
ovedherdespi
tewhatmyfami
lyand
f
ri
endssai
d.Isti
lll
oveher
.Dina"
Idi
dn'
tknowwhatt
odo.Iam bl
eedi
ngonmyown.
Me:
"I.
..
.She.Lovedyouaswel
l"
Mi
ke:
"thenwhydi
dshel
eaveme?"
Me:
"shewasconf
used.Shewas28year
s."
Mi
ke:"Jesouhai
tequenousayonsunbébé(
Iwi
sh
wehadababy)"
Hesai
dwhi
lel
ooki
ngatherbabypi
ctur
e.
Me:"onnepeutr i
enfair
emaintenant
,el
leestmor
te.
j
esuisdésolé(wecan'tdoanyt
hingnow.Sheis
deadIam sorry)
"
Hewi
pedhi
stear
s.
Me:
"canwest
opt
alki
ngf
rench.Idon'
tknowal
ot"
Hechuckl
ed.
Mi
ke:
"mesexcuses(myapol
ogi
es)
"
Igavehi
m aneyeandhel
aughed.
Mi
ke:
"Idon'
tknowhowIwi
llgohome.If
eell
ost"
Me:
"Ihaveanext
rar
oom.Youcanst
ay."
Mi
ke:
"thankyou"
HekissedmyhandandIsmi led.Ther
ewasa
knockont hedoor
.Istoodupandwenttogeti
tand
i
twast hatguyagain.
Me:
"don'
tyouhaveal
if
e?"
Hi
m:"Ido"
Me:
"whati
syourname?"
Hi
m:"Zamani
"
Me:
"sur
name?"
Hechuckl
ed.
Zamani:
"uyasi
funayi
ni?(Youwanti
t?)
"
Me:
"ewwunoAngi
funi(noIdon'
twant)
"
Hechuckl
ed
Zamani:
"pr
act
icemakesper
fect"
Me:
"sur
nameabut
i"
Zamani:
"Khumal
o"
Helookedint
omyeyeswhenhesai
dthatandmy
hear
tthubed.
Me:
"let
elamet
sot
so(wai
tami
nut
e)"
Icl
osedmyeyes.
Me:
"Ar
eyour
elat
edt
oanyAyandaKhumal
o?"
Zamani:
"Howdoyouknowmybr
other?"
Het
il
tedhi
sheadwi
thhandsi
nhi
spocket
.
Mi
kecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.
Me:
"asyoucanseeIhavecompany"
Zamani:
"Iwasaski
ngaquest
ion"
Me:
"Mi
keIwi
llbeback"
Henoddedandwest
eppedoutbyt
her
ail
s.
Me:"Mysi
ster
'sex.Shewasont hehuntf
orhi
m
andnowshesuddenl
ydi
es.St
range"
It
urnedandhel
ookedatme.Hei
swei
rd.
Me:
"whyar
eyouqui
et.?Youknowsomet
hing"
Zamani:
"eveni
fIdi
dIwoul
dn'
ttel
lyou"
Me:
"Youdi
dsomet
hingt
omysi
ster!
.you.
..
..
."
Ichargedtowar
dshim andknuckl
edhi
m ont
he
faceandtearsr
andownmyeyesasIpunchedhis
chest
.Hehel dmyhands.
Me:
"tl
ohel
a'naf
eel
a!(Leavemeal
one)
"
Zamani:
"cal
m down"
Iwasf
ight
ingf
orhi
mtol
etmego.
Zamani:
"Di
na!"
Hesai
dinanaut
hor
it
ivevoi
ce.Hewasn'
tshout
ing.
Me:
"Si
n..
..Si
na"
Zamani:
"Iam sor
ry"
Istoppedfi
ght
ingandj
ustcr
ied.Hewipedhis
bloodandengulf
edmeinahug, Il
etoutascr
eam
andcar r
yoncryi
ng.
Me:
"Ihat
emysel
f."
Zamani:
"shhhh"
I
tcut
sdeept
oloosemysi
sterl
iket
hatIj
ustwi
sh
t
hiswasal
ladr
eam.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Iwasintheki
tchencooking.Iwasdonewi
thwhat
wassupposedt obeonthestoveandnowj
ust
wait
ingf
orthemeati nt
heoven.Iwipedmyhands
andIwenttotheloungeandsatnextt
oAyandaand
heheldmywai st.
Ayanda:"Mymi ndi
stell
ingmeno,butmybody,
mybodyi stell
ingyes,baby.Idon'
twanttohur
tno
bodybutthere'
ssomet hi
ngImustconfess"
Il
ookedathi
m andwechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Idon'
tseenot
hingwr
ongwi
thal
it
tl
e
bump'ngri
nd"
Me:
"nobump'
ngr
indbef
oresupperMr"
Ayanda:
"di
dyouhavet
orui
nthemoment
?"
Igotup.
Me:
"Yourbodyshoul
dsaynobaby."
Ayanda:
"justwat
ch.Ayandaj
nrwi
llbei
nyousoon
"
Me:
"andyouwi
lldi
efr
om meki
ll
ingyou"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Iam ki
ddi
ngbaby"
Me:
"bet
terbe"
Iwal
kedt
otheki
tchen.
Ayanda:
"(shout
ing)youar
egonnagoononeknee
ri
ght?"
Me:
"No.!
"
Ishout
edback
Ayanda:
"But.
..
."
Me:
"noguys.Youshoul
dbehappyIf
eedyou"
Ayanda:
"youar
esupposedt
o"
Me:
"Ishoul
dbei
nres"
Hekeptqui
et.
Me:
"youok?"
Ayanda:
"don'
tpl
ayl
iket
hat"
Icheckedt
hemeat
.
Me:
"Iam notpl
ayi
ngbaby.Iam not
"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"per
fect"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wehadj usthaddinnerandputt hekidstorest

.
Ntet
helel
owentt oawor kmeet i
ngandhehasn' t
camebackasyet .Iwasr eadingabookwhent he
dooropenerandhewal kedinhol di
ngflowersanda
boxofLindtchocolat
e.Ismi l
ed.
Me:
"isi
tVal
ent
ine'
s?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(per
ksmyl
ips)i
tdoesn'
tneedt
obe"
Me:
"oryouar
ejustapol
ogi
zing"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"yesIcamehomel
atesugar
plum"
Me:
"al
lisf
orgi
ven"
Igavehi
m aperk.Iputt
hef
lower
sandLi
ndtont
he
si
deandgotoffthebed.
Me:
"Now"
Ihel
dhi
m wi
thhi
sti
eandunt
iedi
t."
Me:
"Nowl
etspl
ayagame"
Ibi
tmybot
tom l
ip.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"whoi
shi
ding?"
Iwentonmyt
oesandki
ssedhi
m.
Me:
"Mnt
ungwa"
It
ouchedhi
scr
otch.
hegr
oaned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"(sof
tl
y)Whoi
sseaki
ng?
"
Me:
"Ngcol
osi"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
iket
hesoundoft
hat"
HekissedmylipsandIret
urnedi
thol
dinghi
s
shoul
dersandhepickedmeupandIgiggled
fr
ight
enedabitandheputmedownandhehover
s
me.
Me:
"shh"
Hebi
thisbot
tom l
ipandchuckl
edbef
oreheki
ssed
myneck.
.
.
*
MERCY*

Istoodt hereholdingt hecounter.Themor ning

sicknessisget ti
ngt omet oomuch.Imovedoutof
ourmai nbedroom andourhomehast urnedcol d.I
didn'twantYol andalivinginsuchanenvi ronment
soshei sathergr andparents.Ihaven'ttold
Andi swaaboutmyst atushenceIdecl i
nedt heinvit
e
toherl obol
abutIam goi ngt obet her
eather
weddi ng.Ifeelli
keIam f al
lingapar t
.Likenot hing
existsanymor e.Il if
tmyheadupwhenIf eelthe
presenceofsomeoneandi t'
ssandi l
ehol dinga
Paperbagf rom Steers.Hewal ksoverandpl acesif
ont hecount er
.Thesmel li
scal li
ngmebutIdonot
act
.
Sandi
le:
"howar
eyouf
eel
ing?
"
Il
ookathi
m.
Sandi
le:
"(si
gh)
Mer
cy"
Me:
"watdi
dIdot
oyou?"
Sandi
le:
"'
iam sor
ry"
Me:
"al
lyouknowi
stodaysor
rysandi
leheh!
?"
Sandil
e:"Ican'
tundoever
ythi
ngbutIcanr
ightmy
wrongs."
Ishookmyheadi
ntear
s.
Me:
"Iwantadi
vor
ce"
Iwal
kedawayf
rom hi
m.
Sandi
le:
"Mer
cy"
Me:"Youpl
ayedwit
hmyl ovesandi
leIam t
ir
edI
am al
sohuman.Iam t
ir
ed"
Iwal
kedupthestai
rsl
eavi
nghi
mint
heki
tchen.I
l
ostmyappeti
te.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
44] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t96

*MERCY*

Istr
ippedof fmycl othesandlookedatmysel f
thr
ought hemi r
rorandIwasst i
llf
inebutIdon'tf
eel
fi
ne.If eelweakandi t
'sl
ikeIam goingtodropat
anymoment .Thebumpi snotasvi sibl
easyetbuti
t
wil
lbei nnjustaf ewmonths.Thedooropenedand
hewal kedinsideandIwentt othecl osetv
Sandi
le:"ther
eisgott
obesomet
hingMer
cypl
ease
don'
tleaveme"
Me:
"Iam t
ir
edsandi
le."
Sandi
le:
"Iwi
llt
ryandbebet
ter"
Me:"unt
ilt
hent
ryt
obeabet t
erf
atherf
orourki
ds.
Notme.YouandIareover"
It
ookmypyj
amasandhewentdownonhi
sknees.
Sandi
le:
"(sobbi
ng)Mer
cy,
I..
."
Iwasheartbroken.Hedoesn'tusual
lyshow
emoti
onsjustbehindt
hestatementofIam aman
butheisr
ightnow.YetIwon' tf
allf
orit
.
Me:"Move.Mydeci
sionisfi
nalandIam taki
ng
Yol
andawit
hme.Youwi l
lseeherifyouwant"
Sandi
le:
"wher
ewi
llyougo?"
Me:
"Pr
etor
ia"
IworemypyjamasandIwalkedpasthim whil
ehe
sobbedonthefl
oor
.Itbr
okemyhear tbutit
'snot
breaki
ngmemor et
hanwhat'
sgoingonatt he
moment .
.
.
.
*DI
NA*
Iwokeupi nthemor ni
ng.Ireall
ypunchedthatguy
andIdon'tregretit
.Ihaveaf eel
ingt
hattheydid
ki
llSi
nabutf ornowIhavet omakeapl anofhow
am Igoingtobur yher.Iwentt owashbeforeI
mademywayt othel i
vingareaandMichaelis
si
tti
nginfr
ontoft heblanktvwhi l
edri
nkingteaor
coff
ee.
Me:
"Mor
ning"
Het
il
tedhi
sheadmydi
rect
ion.
Mi
ke:
"Mor
ning"
Me:
"Haveyouhadanybr
eakf
ast?"
Youcanseehei
sdef
eat
edanddi
str
aught
.
Mi
ke:
"No.Iam ok"
Hesmi
les.
Me:
"Mi
chaelyouhavegott
oeat
."
Mi
ke:
"HowcanI?"
Me:
"st
arvi
ngyour
sel
fwon'
tbr
ingSi
naback."
Mi
ke:
"Imi
ghtaswel
ljoi
nher
."
Me:"it
'st
hepai
nthat
'st
alki
ng.At
leasthavesome
yogur
t"
Henoddedandistoodupandmademywayt othe
kit
chen. Igott
her
eandItookouttheyogur
tfr
om
thefri
dgeandIwentt
ogivei
ttohim andheouthi
s
coffeedown.
Mi
ke:
"Thankyou"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"Iwi
llmakesomecer
eal
s."
Mi
ke:
"wher
ewi
llshebebur
ri
ed?"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Ireal
lydon'
tknow.Idon'
tknowwhatIshoul
dbe
doingatthi
smoment.IsighedasImademywayto
thekit
chenandtookoutsomecereal
s.
.
.
*ANDI
SWA*
Iroll
edof
fthebedandlandedonthefl
oorandI
cri
edwhil
egetti
ngupandNt et
hel
elogroaned.I
threwapil
lowoverathi
m andhewokeup.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"Yi
nimanj
eAndi
swa?(What
'swr
ong
Andi
swa?)"
Me:
"youpushedmeover"
Hesatupandl
ethi
shandoutt
ome.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam sor
rysugarpl
um "
Hepul
ledmeup.
Me:
"thankyou.Iwantt
ovi
sitdad"
Ntet
hel
elo:
"ok.Wewi
llbot
hgo. Wheni
s
umembeso?"
Me:
"Ihaven'tsett
hedateyetfort
hatbutuMaboi
s
i
n2-3mont hs.Iam notsure."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwantt
owi
feyoubef
oreyougr
aduat
e"
Igi
ggl
edandIt
ookmysi
lkgown.
Me:
"letmegocheckont
heki
ds."
Henoddedandgotof ft
hebedyawning.Iwal
ked
outofthebedr
oom andImademywayt ot
he
nurser
yandMi nenhl
ewasalr
eadyup.Hewas
hol
dingZikhal
i.
Minenhl
e:"Iwonderhowmysonwoul
dlooki
fit
washisgenesandmi ne?
"
Iwal
kedi
nandcl
ear
edmyt
hroatandhel
dhi
m.
Mi
nenhl
e:"ohAndi
swa"
Me:
"it
'sMr
sKhumal
o"
Mi
nenhl
e:"Onpaper"
Me:"whatareyoudoingher
e?Tolookaf
tert
he
ki
dsortodroolovermyhusband?"
Mi
nenhl
e:"whi
cheveroneyout
akemam "
Me:"outmysondown.Iwantyououti
nthenext
hour
."
Mi
nenhl
e:"butIam t
hebr
eadwi
nnerathome"
Me:
"youshoul
dhavet
houghtoft
hat
."
ItookZikhal
iandLethoandwalkedoutcl
icki
ngmy
tongue.Igotinourbedr
oom andthebedwas
made.Ioutt
hem ont
hebedni
cel
yandcal
led
Nt
ethel
elo
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sugarpl
um ?"
Me:
"If
ir
edt
heNanny"
Heappear
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"why?"
Me:
"shei
swant
ingyou"
Hef
rowned.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shoul
dIgetanewone?"
Me:
"pl
easebabyandanol
derone"
Ntethel
elo:
"ok."
Me:
"keepwat
ch.Iam goi
ngt
o
bath"
henoddedandiki
ssedhi
scheekandwal
kedoutt
o
thebat
hroom.
.
.
*
AYANDA*
Me:
"Zamanilett
hisgo.Thejobi
sdoneal
ready.
Wedon'
tneedtoburytheenemy"
Mbongeni
:"ngi
zokushayawena(Iwi
llhi
tyou)
"
Zamani:
"Iam doi
ngi
t."
Thel
o:"Iam out
.Don'
taskf
ormet
obai
lyouout
."
Ihungupandgr oaned.Zamaniisfr
ust
rati
ngli
kea
7yearoldchil
d.Aknockcamei nt
omyst udyandI
pouredwhiskyandIdrankdown.
Si
ya:
"Baby"
Me:
"mmmh"
Si
ya:
"what
everupsetyout
hrowi
toutoft
he
wi
ndowmawukhulumanami(whenyoutal
ktome
)"
Me:
"Iam sor
rybaby"
Shewal
kedi
n.
Si
ya:
"Iwon'
task."
Me:
"wear
egoi
ngt
othemal
l
"
Si
ya:
"towhat?"
Me:
"Iwantt
ogetanengagementr
ingf
oryou"
Si
ya:
"that
'snotnecessar
y"
Me:
"pl
ease"
Shesi
ghed.
Siya:
"justgett
hati
nyourmi
ndt
hatIwi
llmar
ryyou
onceIam ready"
Me:
"Icanl
ivewi
tht
hat"
It
ookmycr
utchandwal
kedupt
oher,
Ihel
dher
waist
.
Me:
"butyouar
eMr
sKhumal
oal
ready"
Si
ya:
"Iwi
llbr
ingbackyourmoney"
Me:
"no.Iam j
oki
ng."
Siya:
"yourbr
eakf
asti
sreadyandaunt
yKhul
isi
we
phoned.Shei
sComingback.
Me:
"ok.Ar
eyouf
inewi
tht
hat
?"
Si
ya:
"yes.Ver
ymuch.Letmegoar
m upyourf
ood
"
Shewal
kedoutandIwhi
stl
edaf
terher
.
Si
ya:
"Ihear
dthat"
Ichuckl
ed.Ican'
twai
ttomar
ryherandmakeher
mine.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
44] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t97

Iwalkedoutoft
hebathroom andNtet
hel
elowas
l
ayingonthebednexttohiskids.Iwentt
otake
thelot
ion.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"babyIhavebeent
hinki
ng"
Me:
"of
f?"
Idr
oppedt
het
owelandst
art
edt
olot
ionmybody.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"howaboutIl
ayyoudown?
"
Me:
"hai
bombul
azi
"
Hechuckl
ed.
Ntet
hel
elo:
"im j
oki
ng..Iwasthi
nkingthatsince
aunt
yKhuli
siwei
scomingbackshelooksafterthe
ki
dsinthemeant
imeti
llwegetapropernanny"
Me:"i
fshewon'
tmind.Butiam notwor
kingatt
he
momentsoIcandoit"
Ntet
helel
o:"yesbutyouhavedressfi
tt
ingsand
cakeeati
ng'
sandalsoyouneedsomet i
meto
yoursel
faswellonceinawhil
e.Idon'twantyou
l
ookingli
keazombi eonourweddingday."
Me:
"sweet,
ok.Igetyourpoi
nt."
Henodded.
Me:
"ifsheagr
eest
heni
t'
sok"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thankyou"
Iworemyunderwearandmademywayt othe
cl
osetandIgotdressed.IputonmysandalsandI
wentoutoft
heclosetandMi nenhl
ewasst
anding
byt
hedoor
.
Mi
nenhl
e:"pl
easeIneedt
hisj
ob"
Ntet
hel elo:"mywi
fehasmadeadeci
sionandi
fshe
feel
slikeyoumakeheruncomfor
tabl
ethenyou
shouldl eave."
Mi
nenhl
e:"
please"
Shepl
acedherhandsonhi
schest
.
Me:
"excuseyou"
Shel
ookedatme.
Me:
"Yout
imei
sup.Pl
easel
eave"
ShelookedatmethenNtet
hel
eloandwal kedof
f.
Ntet
helel
oclosedt
hedoorandilookedathim.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"sugarpl
um ?"
Me:"Don'
tevenNt
ethel
elo.Whati
sgoi
ngon
bet
weenyoutwo?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Not
hingbaby"
Me:
"mmmh"
Hest
eppedcl
oserandiwal
kedt
othebedandt
ook
zi
khal
i.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"il
oveyou"
Me:
"iknow"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"meani
ngiwoul
dn'
tcheatonyou"
Me:
"Idi
dn'
tsayyouwoul
d"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"butyoudi
dinnotsomanyways."
Heseemedpi
ssed.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iwi
llgetanewnanny"
Het
ookl
ethoandhewal
kedout
..isi
ghed
Me:
"Onannybenu(yournanny)
"
ZikhalilookedatmeandIki ssedhischeekbefor
e
takingmybagandif ol
lowedout.Iwal keddown
thestairsandimademywayt otheoutside
Nt et
helelowasloadi
ngt hekidsbagsin.Iput
zikhalionhiscarseat.
Me:
"haveyoueat
en?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
""
wewi
llbuyont
heway"
Hecl
osedt
hedoor
.
Me:Mbul
azi"
Heopenedt
hef
rontdoorandl
ookedatme.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iknow"
Me:
"youl
ovemeangi
ni?(I
sn'
tit?)
"
Hi
sfacesof
tenedandhechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"youhavwt
ofi
ndt
hatanswer"
Me:
"ofcauseyoudo.Wewoul
dn'
tbeget
ti
ng
mar
ri
edifyoudidn'
t"
Hechuckl
ed
Me:
"andIam sor
ryf
orever
ythi
ng"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it
'sok"
Me:
"counci
li
ngagai
n?"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
hinki
t'
sthebestdeci
sion"
Me:
"ok.Il
oveyou"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Ismil
edandIopenedmydpprandwegotinthecar
andclosedt
hedoorandbuckl
edupbef
orehedrove
off
.
.
.
*
UNATHI*

Itookthephoneandihelditi
nmyhand.Islowly
dialedthenumberandIputthephoneonmyear.I
l
eanedagai nstt
hewallandbreat
hedout
.Itwent
throughlucki
lyandheanswered.
Dad:
"Hel
lo"
Me:
"Dadi
t'
smeUnat
hi"
Dad:
"babygal.Iwil
lseeyouwhenicomeback
fr
om Swazi
land."
Me:
"Iknow.Uhm dad"
Dad:
"what
'st
hemat
ter?
"
Ther
ewasal
umponmyt
hroat
.
Me:"uhm Icall
edmom tocomeandIcoul
dn'
ttel
l
herbecauseIdon'
tful
lyt
rusther"
Dad:"UnathiIam shockedaswelland
di
sappoint
edandhaveal otof.Quest
ions.I
t'
sbest
i
fwet al
kwhenIcomeback"
Me:
"Justpr
omi
set
otakecar
eof.
..
..
"
Dad:
"Iwi
llt
akecar
eofmygr
andchi
ld"
Inoddedandsni
ff
ed.
Dad:
"itwi
llbeok"
Inodded.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Dad:
"Il
oveyout
oobaby"
Ismiled.IhungupandIt uenedandgavet heot her
l
adyat urnonthephone.It ouchedmyf l
atstomach
andwi pedmyt ear
sandmademyway.Idi dn't
thi
nki twouldhappen.Ihaven'tbeenfeeli
ngok
l
atelysoIj ustconcludedt
hatIam pregnant.Ijust
hopet histi
mear oundmydaught erorsonsur vives.
.
.
*
DINA*

Mi chaelandil efttogetherandwewentt ot he
mot uar yt oseeSi naafterherbodywasr emovedof
anyoft hebul l
etsandshel ookedpeacef uleven
thoughherbodywasi nabadst ate, bett
erIguess
buti tst i
llhurttoseeherl iket hat.Mi chaelcoul dn'
t
takei tandwesatt hereforsomet i
mebef ore
l
eavi ngandwewentourseper at
eways.Igoti nmy
carandIj ustletthetearsf l
owonmeandIj ust
cried.I twast oomuch.It ookoutmyphoneand
tri
edmyauntandshesentmet ovoi cemailandi
sighedandcr i
ed.Idon'tknowwhatt odoatt his
point .Shoul dIjustburyhert omorr ow?She
deser vesadi gnifi
edfuner albutIhavenoone
aroundmet ohel pmewi tht hat.If eelli
ke
everyt hingi samessandIcan' thandl eanyt hing.I
startedmycarwhi lewipingmyt ear sanddr oveof f,
Iopent heradioandi t'
spl ayingasongmom used
tosingf oruswhenwewer eyoung. It'
sEver ytime
aftermeandsi nausedt of i
ghtoversomet hing, I
f
eltmychestpai
ningandt
ear
sbl
indi
ngmyeyes.
"Iknowsomet
imesi
tseemsasi
f,we'
rest
andi
ngal
l
alone
Bewe'
l
lgett
hroughi
t,'
causel
ovewon'
tletusf
all
Countonmet
hrought
hickandt
hin
Af
ri
endshi
pthatwi
l
lneverend
Whenyouar
eweak,
Iwi
llbest
rong
Hel
pingyout
ocar
ryon
Cal
lonme,
Iwi
llbet
her
e,don'
tbeaf
rai
d
Pl
easebel
ievemewhenIsay,
counton
Ther
e'sapl
acei
nsi
deofal
lofus
Wher
eourf
ait
hinl
ovebegi
ns
Youshoul
dreacht
ofi
ndt
het
rut
hinl
ove
Theanswer
sther
ewi
thi
n,oh
Iknowt
hatl
if
ecanmakeyouf
eel
I
t'
smuchhar
dert
hani
treal
lyi
s
Butwe'
l
lgett
hroughi
t,j
ustdon'
tgi
vei
n..
..
."
Abi
gt huddist
ract
edmeandIwi pedmyt earsbut
t
heykeptcomingout.Iopenedkydoorandwi ped
mytearsoncemorebeforeIcoul
dseeclearlyanda
manwascomi ngtowardsme.Ohcarscol l
ided.
Hi
m doyouknowhowmucht
hiscarcost
s?!
"
Hewasshout
ing.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry."
Mor
etear
srol
leddown.
Hi
m: "t
hisi
saGermani
mpor
tedcar,
youcan'
tfi
nd
i
tinSouthAf
ri
ca"
Me:
"ohmyGod"
Howam Igonnapayt
hat?Iwentdownonmy
kneesandcr
ied.
Hi
m:"Iam cal
li
ngmyl
awyer
.Youwi
lldealwi
thhi
m
."
Hecl
ickedhi
stongueandwentt
ohi
scar
.If
elt
numb.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wef ir
stwentt ohavesomebr eakf astandi twas
reall
yfunbeingoutt ogetherasaf ami l
y.Nt et
helel
o
reall
ymakest i
met obewi thhisf amilyandIr eall
y
appreciat
ethat .Afterwewentt obuysomel it
tl
e
treat
swewi llgohomewi th., Ireall
ymi sseddad
butIam gettingt hehangofl ivingapar tfr
om hi m.
Whenwegott oMamel odiIwasexci tedli
keaki d
getti
nganewt oy.Wer eachedhomeandNt ethel
elo
parkedupfrontandIopenedt hedoorandIgotout .
Ntet
hel
elo:
"youwi
llr
eacht
einsi
deSt
handwaSam
(mylove)"
Me:
"ok"
Hechuckl edandhegotout.Itooklet
hoandhet ook
ZikhaliandhesaidIshoul
dgiveehi mlet
hoaswel l
.
Hewi llhandl
ethem.Igavehimt heki
dsandtook
thwbagsandwemadeourwayi nsi
de.Iknocked
ont hedoorbeforeopeni
ng.
Meknockknock"
Therewasal
aught
er.Ist
oodi
nthemi
ddl
eoft
he
room.
Dad:
"heyangel"
Me:
"hidad.
"
Sheputhercupdownandcamet
ohugme.

Her:
"it'
sbeensol
ongsi
nceIl
astsawyou.Att
he
f
uneralri
ght?"
Ne:
"aunt
yPhi
li"
Ismiled.Idon'
tknowhermuch,shei
sn'tmother
's
cousinandionlymetheratt
hefuner
alande
i
ntroducedhersel
f.Shei
saveryni
celadybutwhy
i
sshedoi nghere?
Phil
i:"Imetyourf
atherafewdaysagoandh
mentionedyouaregett
ingmarr
ied.Wowgaliam so
happy"
Ismi
led.
Phil
ip:
Ntombiyourki
dsoht
heyl
ooksocut
eand
chubby"
Shet
ookZi
khal
ifr
om Nt
ethel
elo.
Phi
li
:"hel
lomkhwenyana"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"hi"
Hecl
ear
edhi
sthr
oat
.Il
ookedatdad.
Dad:
"wej
ustcamef
rom br
eakf
ast"
Il
ookedathi
m.Hechuckl
ed.
Dad:
"Nt
ethel
elo"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"MrBhengu"
Dad:
"br
ingt
hel
it
tl
eoneher
e"
Me:
"wow"
Phil
ip:"t
heyl
ookador
abl
eNdi
swayouyouhave
real
lygoodgenes"
Wesatdown.Iwasdef
eat
ed.Whati
sgoi
ngonher
e
?
.
.
*
DINA*
Thepoli
cehavecameandgoneandsoast he
ambulance.MycarinsuranceIhaveinf
ormedt hem
andmycarwast owedaway.I twasreal
lydamaged
butnotli
kethi
sman's'Germancar'Iam notheari
ng
themeforhowbrokeIwillgoandhowexpensi veit
i
s.
Hi
m:"myl
awyeri
sher
e"
Iwonderifheevenhasacari nsurance.Iam a
messandatt hispointIdon'
tcar
eaboutalotof
thi
ngs.Hi sl
awyermadehi swaytous.Couldn'tt
he
wor l
djustki
ll
edmeoncebecauseIam goi ngtogo
tojailf
ormurderreall
y.
Me:
"doyouhavet
obeever
ywher
eIgo?"
Iwaspi
ssedof
f.
Zamani:
"Hit
oyout
oo"
Me:
"Nx"
Guy:"heyweareher
eaboutme.Shecrashedmy
car,
Iam missi
ngami l
li
onst
endermeeti
ngatthi
s
momentBecauseofyourmess"
Hepoi
ntedatme.
Zamani:
"whi
chcarMrMhl
ongo?
"
Me: "Iam suret
hiscari
sinSout
hAf
ri
cauzama
ukuzenzajuicyl
ah(heistr
yingt
omakehi
msel
f
j
uicy)"
Ir
oll
edmyeyes.Zamanichuckl
edandt
hisman
wasti
ming.
Guy:
"Ngizokuf
akai
mpamaNt
ombazane(Iwi
ll
sl
apyougal)"
Me:
"Leka'
meubone,
leka(t
ryandsee,
try!)
"
Zamani:
"cal
m down"
Guy:
"mywhol
ecari
sdamaged"
Me:" ubualeshano,
kepel
efeel
ahosenyehi
leng
(youar
elyi
ng,it
'sonl
ythef
rontt
hat
'sdamaged.)
"
Guy:
"i
t'
stheLaFer
rar
i"
Zamaniwhi
stl
edshaki
nghi
shead
Me:
"whyar
eyouwhi
stl
ing?"
Guy:
"thecarcostme£2mi
ll
ion"
Me:
"eng?Wahl
anya?(What?Ar
eyoucr
azy?)
"
Zamani:
"andyouhavet
opayf
ori
t"
Me:
"buti
t'
sthef
rontt
hat
'sonl
ydamaged."
Guy:
"Ical
ledthegaragewher
etheyareanal
ysi
ng
mycarandthequotati
oni
s500thousand"
Me:
"rand?"
Guy:
"pounds"
Il
aughed.
Me:"whydi dn'tyoubuyacarfr
om Sout
hAfri
ca.I
won'tpayforthat.Mi
naIgetpai
dinrand'
snot
pounds.Iwi l
lbuyyouaGolfinthemeantimeyou
buyanotherGer mancar."
Zamanichuckl
ed.
Zamani:
"youhavet
opayf
ori
torwear
restyou."
Me:
"youwoul
dn'
t"
Guy:
"tr
yme"
Heturnedandanot
hercameandhewentt
oitand
goti
n.
Me:
"Wewi
llbot
hgot
ojai
l"
Zamani:
"di
dnot
hing"
Me:
"Iknowyouki
ll
edmysi
ster"
Zamani:"Idi
dn'
tandyoumi
ghtnotknowwhoi
s
watchi
ng"
Me:
"Youar
eanassyouknowabum "
Tear
sweldedmyeyes.Iam inal
otoft
roubl
e.
Wheream Igonnagett
hatki
ndofmoney?
Me:
"wher
eam Igonnagett
hatki
ndofmoney?"
Isni
ff
ed.
Me:"Imightaswel
lsel
lmybodyi
nthet
hest
reet
cor
ner."
Hecr
ouchedI
nfr
ontofme.
Zamani:
"Icanpayi
tof
fforyou"
Me:
"how?"
Zamani:
"Iam amanwi
thapl
an."
Me:"menar
enotusual
lyni
ce,
whatdoyouwanti
n
r
etur
n?"
Zamani:
"2dayswi
thyou"
Me:
"what?No!"
Zamani:
"yourchoi
ce"
Me:
"youar
easi
ckper
ver
t"
Zamani:
"youaresickbecausespendi
ngadaywith
someonedoesn'
tnecessari
lyi
nvol
vepenet
rat
ional
l
thet
ime."
Me:
"mmmh"
Zamani:
"comel
etmet
akeyouhome.
Me:"Idon'
twantt
obehomeatt
hemoment
.It
suf
focatesme"
Zamani:
"Ihavet
obei
ncour
tinanhour"
Me:
"Iwi
llj
oinyout
hen"
Heshookhi
sheadandpi
ckedupmybagandshoes
andcar
ri
edmeandwenttohiscar
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
44] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t98

Iwasstil
lri
ddledinthoughtsandstil
lconfused.
Whatisreall
ygoingonbet weendadandaunt y
Phil
ip?Itcan'tbenotsomething.Theydon' tknow
eachotherthatwellt
ohavebr eakf
asttogether.I
wasintheki t
chenmakingal i
ghtmealf oreveryone
andIwasf rustr
atedaswell.
"Youwi
llbr
eakt
hedi
shes"
It
urnedandaunt
yPhi
li
pwal
kedi
n.
Phi
li:
"letmehel
p"
Me:
"it
'sok"
Shenodded.
Phi
li:
"Iam nother
etor
epl
aceyourmot
her"
Me:
"whati
sgoi
ngon?"
Phi
li:
"not
hing.Wej
usthadbr
eakf
astandi
fthat
madeyouuncomf
ort
abl
ethenIapol
ogi
se"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"no.Uhm i
t'
sok.Iam j
ustover
react
ing"
Shegi
ggl
edandhel
pedmeputwi
thmaki
ngt
he
sal
ad.
Phi
li:
"Iam her
eforyouandyourf
atherAndi
swa"
Me:"t
hankyouaunt
y.Heari
ngsomeonef
rom my
mom'sfami
lysayt
hatr
eal
lywarmsmyheart"
Phi
li:
"it
'sgr
eatt
oseeyougr
ow.Iam happy"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"soyouanddad"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Phi
li
p:"
not
hingi
sgoi
ngon"
Me:
"youar
ever
ysweetandIwoul
dn'
tmi
nd"
Phi
li
:"af
terwhatyoudi
dear
li
eron.Idon'
tthi
nkso"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"buthei
sagr
eatman"
Phi
li
:"ever
ywoman'
sdr
eam man"
Shewasst
arr
ingi
ntospace.
Me:
"pl
easecomet
omyweddi
ng."
Shel
ookedatme.
Phi
li
:"of
cause.Iwoul
dn'
tmi
ssi
tfort
hewor
ld."
Ismi
led.
Me:
"thankyou"
Dad:
"ist
hef
oodcomi
ng?
"
Me:
"indodayakho(Yourman)
"
Phi
li
:"Iwi
llhi
tyou"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"yesdad."
Dad:
"Andi
swayouar
egonnast
arveNt
ethel
elo"
Phi
lil
aughed.
Phi
li:
"kancanebaba(abi
t)"
Il
ookedatherandj
ustchuckl
ed.Thi
sisgonnabe
i
nter
esti
ng.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

wearri
vedatthemal l
andwej ustwentaround
bef
oremakingourwayt ot
hejewell
eryshopandwe
sawbeauti
fulri
ngs.Al adyj
usttookouttheringfor
usandplaceditonthecounter
.Ayandat ookitand
wasabouttogoonhi skneeandIst oppedhim.
Me:
"babyyouar
ehur
t"
Ayanda:
"Ihavet
odoi
tri
ght
"
Me:
":
nextt
ime.Iappr
eci
atet
het
hought"
Hesmil
edandki
ssedmycheekbefor
esl
idi
ngt
he
r
ingi
ntomyfi
nger.Il
ookedati
t.
Ayanda:
"it
sper
fect
"
Tearswel
dedupi
nmyeyesandhepul
ledmet
ohi
s
chest.
Ayanda:
"shh"
Therewassil
ence.Ir
emovedmysel
ffr
om hi
m and
wipedmytearsandbreat
hedout
.
Me:
"thankyouf
orseei
ngmewor
thy"
Ayanda:
"thankyouf
orl
ovi
ngme"
Ikissedhi
sli
psandpeoplecl
appedt
hei
rhands
aroundthest
ore.Igi
ggl
edandwebrokei
t.
Me:
"nowt
heyar
emaki
ngmeshy"
Hechuckl
ed.
Lady:
"Iwi
llpr
epar
eyourpayment"
Shewal
kedof
f.
Ayanda:"Nowl
etsgetyougr
aduat
edandbeDr
Khumalo."
Me:
"hasaver
yni
cer
ingt
oit
."
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"Il
oveyoubaby"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
ooMnt
ungwa"
Iper
kedhisl
ips.Thel
adycamebackandhepaid
fort
heri
ng.I
twasbeaut
if
ulshameandIdon'
tthi
nk
Iwi
llevent
akei
tof
ffort
hatmat
ter
.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

wewalkedtotheloungewi tht
hef
oodanddadwi t
h
Ntet
helel
owerewat chingTV.Wegavethem t
hei
r
foodandtheythankedusandwewenttogetours
andIsatnextt
oNt ethelel
oandwepr
ayedbefore
eati
ng.
Dad:
"sohowar
ethepr
epar
ati
onsgoi
ng?"
Me:"ver
ywelldad.Wewi l
lhaveumembesofi
rst
bef
oreuMabowher eIam off
ici
all
ybecomea
Khumalobyt
radit
ion."
Dad:"that
'sgood.Ntet
hel
eloareyoupr eparedf
or
yourpocketsbecausemydaughterl
ikesfiner
thi
ngsinli
fe."
Me:
"baba"
Dad:
"what?"
Me:
"youar
epai
nti
ngmer
ed"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Iam "
Phi
li
:"andIdon'
tmindhel
pingwit
hanyt
hing.Even
i
fyouwantmet obabysi
tthosemunchi
es"
Me:
"Iwi
llkeept
hati
nmi
nd."
Shesmi
led.
Me:
"Iwantt
ogetmar
ri
edbef
oreIgr
aduat
e"
Dad:
"rushi
syournamenow"
Wel
aughed.
Me:
"dad"
Dad:"Iam j
ustsayi
nganywayuMembesowi
llbe
Ehl
ati
khul
u,"
Me:
"Iknow"
Il
ookedatNt
ethel
elo.Hesmi
led.
Phi
li
:"youar
esocut
etoget
her
."
Me:
"soar
eyou"
Dadchockedonhisfoodandphiligotupandwent
t
ofetchwaterf
orhim.Ntethel
eloleanedbymyear
andwhi
sper
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"It
hinkt
heyar
edat
ing"
Me:
"it
'sf
astt
hough"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"at
leasti
t'
ssomeoneyouknow"
Me:
"yeahmaybe."
Phi
li
:"ar
eyouok?
"
Dadnodded.
Me:
"sor
ry"
Igi
ggl
edandt
heyshotmeal
ook.
.
.
*
DINA*

Ididn'tfeelthedri
venorhearorseehowThi s
creaturenextt omeisli
keincourtbecauseIwas
toodistractedbymywor ri
es.
Lady:
"Her
eisyouror
dersi
r"
Shehandedthepaperbagt
ohi
m andhetookthem
andgavethem t
omeandItookoutt
heburgerand
ate.Hedroveof
f.
Zamani:
"Youaskyouknow"
Me:
"mmmh"
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Zamani:
"sowher
ear
eyoubur
yingyoursi
ster?"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow"
Idr
ankmyMi
lkshake.
Me:
"att
hispoi
ntIdon'
tknowhowIwi
llbur
yher"
Henodded.
Zamani:
"youneedt
orest"
Me:"Ican'
t.Ij
ustneedt
otr
yathomebutt
heywant
not
hingwithme."
Zamani:
"fami
lyi
ssues?
"
Me:
"yes."
Zamani:
"itwi
llbeok?
"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Me:",
,wi
lli
t?Wi
lli
treal
lybeok?Thi
ngsar
ejust
get
ti
ngmessedup"
Idr
ankmyMi
lkshake.
Zamani:
"itdoesn'
tmat
ter
.Icanhel
p"
Me:
"Idon'
ttr
ustyou"
Zamani:
"thenyougot
tahavef
ait
h"
Il
ookedathi
m."
Me:
"Youar
eonemessedupman"
Hehuckl
e.
Zamani:
"howdoyouknow?
"
Me:
",Iknow.Wher
eist
hewi
fei
nal
loft
his?"
Heshi
ft
ed.
Zamani:
"Iwoul
drat
hernott
alkaboutt
hat"
Ther
ewassadnessi
nhi
svoi
ce.
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Henoddedandcl
enchedhi
sjaw.Ikeptl
ooki
ngat
hi
m bef
orel
ooki
ngoutthewindow..
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
45] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t99

*
ZAMANI*

"
Hesaid"I
'
lll
oveyout
il
lIdi
e",
shet
oldhi
m"You'
l
l
f
orgeti
nti
me"
Astheyear
swentsl
owl
yby,
shest
il
lpr
eyedupon
hi
smi nd
Hekeptherpi
ctur
eonhi
swal
l,
wenthal
f-
crazynow
andt
hen
Hesti
lll
ovedhert
hroughi
tal
l,
hopi
ngshe'
dcome
backagai
n
Keptsomel
ett
ersbyhi
sbeddat
edni
net
eensi
xty-
t
wo
Hehadunder
li
nedi
nredever
ysi
ngl
e"Il
oveyou"
Igulpedmywhiskeywhi
lel
ooki
ngatt hepict
ureand
ther
ewasaknockont hedoor,
itopenedslowly
andIdidn'
tmovemyeyesfrom t
hepai ni
ngabove.
"Zamani"
Ikeptquietandclenchedmyj
aw.Smallst
eps
comingcl osert
omeandshelaysherhandonmy
shoulder
.
"Shei
sbeaut
if
ul"
Ijustst
aredatt
hepict
ure.Thebot
hofusi
nsi
lence
foraminuteandIt
urnedtoher.
Me:
"Iwantt
obur
nit"
Di
na:
"Don'
t.Youcanputi
taway"
Shewal
kscl
oser
.
Dina:
"Youal
wayskeepaphot
oofherever
ywher
e
yougo?"
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:
"Onl
ythehouseandher
e"
Di
na:
"it
'snoteasyget
ti
ngoveral
ovedone."
Sher
anherf
inger
sont
hepai
nti
ng.
Dina:"Someoneyouusedt
oloveandthewayyou
part
edwasn'ti
nabadway.I t
'sj
ustunexpect
ed."
Ikeptqui
etandsher
anherf
inger
sont
hewal
land
tur
ned.
Di
na:"Deat
hisunpr
edi
ctabl
e.I
tbr
ingsmor
epai
n
t
hanheart
break"
Ist
oodupandputt
hegl
assont
hedr
esserandI
hol
dherwai
st.
Me:
"Howi
sever
yonet
reat
ingyou?"
Di
na:
"Besi
desyourbr
other
s.Ever
yonei
swel
l"
Thesongchangedandanot
hercameon.
Me:
"MayIhavet
hisdance?"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Di
na:
"Youmay"
Ihel
dherwai
standshel
aidherheadonmychest
.
Di
na:
"Yourhear
tbeati
ssl
ow"
Me:
"MaybeIshoul
dgetchecked."
Di
na:
"Maybe"
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Shel
if
tedherheadandl
ookedatme.
Di
na:
"I.
..
.If
eell
ikeIam bet
rayi
ngSi
na"
Me:
"Wi
th?"
Di
na:
"(smi
le)Il
oveyout
oo"
Iki
ssedherfor
eheadbef
oreIspunherar
oundand
hel
dherclosetomeaswemovedt othebestoft
he
song.
"
Andf
oryourl
ove
Iwoul
ddoanyt
hing
Justt
oseet
hesmi
leuponyourf
ace
Foryourl
ove
Iwoul
dgoanywher
e
Justyout
ellmeandI
'
llber
ightt
her
e..
"
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Iwasr ushingar ound.Ir eall

ycan'tbelievet hatIam
abouttowal kdownt heai sl
einjustaf ewmoment s
andsayIdobef oreIbecomeMr sKhumal o.Iam
str
essingatt hesamet ime.Thesepastf ewmont hs
havebeenabl issandal soar oad.Dadi sbei ng
secret
iveaswel l.Thingsbet weenNt etheleloandI
havebeensweetaswel lasbad.Weconst antly
beenfightingabouthi m comi nghomel ateandhi s
tr
aveli
ng.Iknowhehasot herbranchest ogoand
checkout sidetheprovincebut4daysi senough.
Notawhol eweekort wobutdespi tethatIst i
llwant
tomarr yhim. I t'
sjustmi norstuffri
ght?
"
Igott
hewi
ne"
Si
yamthandawal
ksi
nhol
dingt
het
wowi
nebot
tl
es
i
ntheair
.
Li
sa:
"Pl
easecomeandpourIneed."
Me:"Don'
tgetdr
unkpl
easeanddon'
tmessup
your
sel
ves."
Si
ya:"youneedt
ositdownanddoyourmakeup
Mrsbecauseweareal
lwait
ingf
oryou"
Shesatont
hebed.Isi
ghedandt
ookt
heweddi
ng
dress.
Me:
"Hel
pmeke"
Shestoodupandhel
pedmegetdr
essedi
nmy
dressandt
heladi
esul
ulat
ed.
Me:
"Iam f
eel
ingt
hepower
."
Unami:
"Feeli
tSi
si.Feel
thepower"
Welaughed.Si
yamthandaandNt
ethel
elo'
ssi
ster
s
wi
llbeinmybri
dalpart
y.
Khanyi
sil
e:"Ican'
twai
tti
llyouar
edone"
Si
ya:
"Yeyi"
Therewasaknockonthedoor,
ishoutedcomei
n
andFif
iwal
kedinwhil
eholdi
ngfl
owersandali
tt
le
basket
.
Fi
fi:
"Knockknock.Messagef
rom t
heheadof
fi
ce"
Me:
"Youmadei
t"
Fi
fi:
"Icoul
dn'
tmi
ssitf
ort
hewor
ldandyourf
iance
gavemeadayoff."
Ipul
ledmydr
essupandwal
kedt
oherandwe
hugged.
Fi
fi
:"t
hisi
sforyou"
Me:
"Thankyousomuch"
Fi
fi:
"it
'snotf
rom met
houghj
ustknowt
hat"
Ilaughedandt
hankedher
.It
ookt
hef
lower
sand
therewasacard.
Si
ya:
"wearagownbef
oreyoudoyourmakeup."
Iworethegownandthentookt
hecar
dandsaton
thechai
randreadt
hecard.
"I
fallt
hethi
ngsthati
tcanbri
ng,
Can'
taddupt
oone
ounceofyourhappi
ness"~St
evewonder
.
"Wel
lIj
ustwanttosayIloveyouandyoualready
l
ookbeauti
ful.Iwannagrowgreywit
hyouand
growourl
it
tlebabi
eswithyoubecauseIdon'tsee
anyoneelseIwoul dr at
hershar eafamilywit
h.I
l
oveyouAndi swaBhengusi ncethefi
rstmomentI
sawyou.Ir ememberi tclearl
yanditplayedli
kea
wonderfulmovi ethatIdidn'twantt
ogetoutof, that
moviechar acterwil
lbeInf r
ontofmef ortherestof
mylife.Iloveyou- N.K"
Iwi
pedmyt
earandsmi
led.
Unami
:"Goodt
hingmakeupwasn'
tdone"
Weal
lgi
ggl
ed.
Me:
'Iam r
eady"
Themakeupar ti
ststart
eddoingmakeuponmy
faceandwewer erunningabitl
ate.Whenshewas
doneIlookedsodiff
erentandmat ur
edaswel
l
.I
smiled.
Me:
"letgogetmemar
ri
ed."
Ever
yonecl
appedthei
rhandsandIworemyshoes
andputonthevei
l.Thel
adiesstar
tedasongand
wewalkedoutoft
heroom singi
ng.
.
.
*
NTETHELELO*

Iwasner vous.Ishoul dn'tbener vousbecauset his

i
st hesecondt i
mebutt heper sonIam goi ngto
mar rymakesmener vous.Idon' tliket hisDi nagirl
thatZamanii sinvolvedwi t
h.It'
scleart hathei s
i
nlove.Wear einuMzi mkhul u.Andi swa' sideat o
haveever ythi
ngcl oseandver yf
est ivewi th
neighboursandf amily.Itlooksamazi ngandt he
bigyardreal l
yaccommodat edever yt hingAndi swa
want edit
ssi mpleyetel egantaswel l.If inishedup
getti
ngdr essedandIl ookedatmysel fthrought he
mirror.
Ayanda:"whenImar
rySiyamt
handaIwanthert
o
bebroughti
nbyadonkey"
Wel
aughed.
Zamani:
"shewi
lll
eaveyou"
Mbongeni:
"Notevenahoar
se"
Ayanda:"t
hat'
stoorough.Maybeacow.Youknow
becauseIchow..
."
Me:
"no.Don'
t"
Thel
o:"wear
elat
e"
Hecheckedhi
swat
ch.
Mbongeni:
"let
'sgetyoumar
ri
ed"
Hepat t
edmyshoul der
.It ookal ookatmysel fone
l
astt imeandwet henwal kedout .Mymom and
aunt sstartedsingi ngmaki ngnoi seandwet ook
somephot ostoget herbef oremaki ngourwayt ot he
alterandwai t
ingf orAndi swat ocome.Peopl e
startedcomi ngi nandwasn' tabaddi sast
erasI
thoughti twoul dbe.Iguessmywi feknowsbest .I
can'twai tforhert obeMr sKhumal oonpaperas
wel l
.Ever yoneset tl
edandwewai t
edf orherto
come.Iguesst heyar elate.Af ewmoment sl ater
andt hent hebr idesmai dswal kedi nwi thasong
andt hent heweddi ngsongst artedandever yone
stoodup.Shewal kedi nhol dingherf ather
'shands.
Theweddi nggownl ookedbeaut if
ulonher .Thevei l
wascover ingherf acesoIcoul dn'tseeherpr oper ly.
Thewomenul ulatedasshewal kedcl oserand
closertomeandmyhear twasbeat ing.Iwhi sper ed
t
omysel
f.
Me:
"If
aintNt
ethel
elo.Youcandot
his"
Mbongenichuckl
edbehindme.Imetthem hal
f
wayandherfatherl
ookedatmethenher.
MrBhengu:"Breakmydaught er'
sheartoreven
causeheranydist
ress.Iwillspendtherestofmy
daysonearthbehi
ndapr isoncell.Hopethat'
sclear
"
Me:
"yessi
r"
Andi
swa:
"Baba"
Heki
ssedherhand.
MeBhengu:
"Iam pr
oudofyou"
Shesmi
led.
Andi
swa:
"Thankyou"
Itookherhandandhel
eft
.Wewal
kedcl
osert
othe
pastor
.
Me:
"Youl
ookbeaut
if
ul"
Andi
swa:
"Icoul
dn'
ttopyou"
Ichuckl
ed.
Past
or:
"Mayweal
lseat"
Ever
yonesatdownandt
henoi
sedi
ed.
Me:
"ourl
if
est
art
sher
e"
Il
ookedather
.
Andi
swa:
"ourol
dchapt
ercl
osest
oday"
Past or:
"Dear lybeloved,wear egatheredher einthe
sightofGod, andint hepresenceoffami lyand
fri
endst ojointogetherthismanandt hiswomani n
HolyMat ri
mony, whi chiscommendedofSt .Paulto
beanhonor abl
eest ate,
insti
tutedofGodand
thereforeisnott obeent eredintounadvisedlyor
carelessly,butreverentl
y,joyfull
yandint heloveof
God.I nt
ot hisholyest at
etheset woper sonspr esent
comenowt obej oined."
Ibr
eat
hedout
.
Past
or:",
"Whogi
vest
hisbr
idet
othi
sGr
oom i
n
marr
iage?
"
Andi
swa'
sfat
herst
andsup.
MrBhengu:
"Ido"
Hewalkscl
osertousandtakesAndi
swa'shand
andki
ssesi
tbeforehepl
acesitonmine.
Past
or:
"Letuspr
ay"
Webowedoutheadsandhest
art
edaprayeraf
ter
hewasdonewesaidamenandhereadaverse
fr
om t
heBibl
etous.
Past
or:
"Iaskf
ort
her
ings."
Theycomef
orwar
d.
Past
or:"Iaskyoueachnow,
tor
epeatt
hemar
ri
age
vows"
Itookt
heringandIopenedtheboxandtookoutt
he
ri
ngandtookoffherengagementr
ingandmovedit
toherr
ightfi
ngerandthenhel
dherlef
thand.
Past
or:
"INt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Me:
"INt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Past
or:
"TakeyouAndi
swaBhengu"
Me:
"takeyouAndi
swaBhengu"
Past
or:
"tobemyl
awf
ull
yweddedwi
fe"
Me:
"tobemyl
awf
ull
yweddedwi
fe"
Pastor
:"toloveandcheri
sh,
Forbet
terorworse,
for
ri
cherorpoorer,
Insi
cknessandi
nhealth.Fr
om t
his
dayforward.
"
Me:"Toloveandcher
ish,Forbet
terorworse,f
or
ri
cherorpoor
er,
Insi
cknessandinhealth.Fr
om thi
s
dayforwar
d."
Isl
idt
her
ingi
nandever
yoneul
ulat
ed.Ichuckl
ed.
Andi
swat
ookmyr
ingaswel
landhel
dmyl
efthand.
Andi
swa:
"yhhuIam soner
vous"
Wel
aughed.
Past
or:
"repeataf
terme.IAndi
swaBhengu"
Andi
swa:
"IAndi
swaBhengu"
Past
or:
"ThakeyouNt
ethel
eloKhumal
o"
Andi
swa:"(scr
atchy),
,
takeyouNt
ethel
elo
Khumal
o"
Past
or:
"tobemyl
awf
ull
yweddedhusband"
Shebr
eat
hedoutandwipedatearunderhervei
l
.I
hel
dhehandandshesnif
fed.
Andi
swa:
"tobemyl
awf
ull
yweddedhusband."
Pastor:
"Toloveandcher
ish,Forbet
terorworse,
forr
icherorpoor
er,
Insi
cknessandinhealth.Fr
om
thi
sdayf or
ward.
"
Andiswa:"Toloveandcheri
sh,Forbet
terorworse,
forr
icherorpoorer
,Insi
cknessandinhealt
h.Fr
om
t
hisdayf or
ward."
Shesl
idi
nther
ingonmyf
ingerandIl
ookedati
t
bef
oresmi
li
ng.
Past
or.:
"Mayyouj
oinyourr
inghands."
Wehel
dhands.
Past
or:
"maywecl
oseoureyes."
Weal
ldi
d"
Past
or:"MaytheLordBlesstheser
ingswhichyou
gi
vetoeachotherasyoursignofLove,Devot
ion
andeverl
ast
ingpeace.Amen. "
Us:
"Amen"
Il
ookedatAndi
swaandIf
eltal
otofj
oy.
.
.
*
UNATHI
*

Inmate:
"Beingar apevict
imformewasn' teasy.It
traumati
zedmesi nceIwasyoungt il
lIwasol d
enoughtof acemyper pet
rat
orandIki l
ledhim.Islit
thatkni
feinhisthroatandIdon'
tregretitbutIam
happywi t
ht hehel
pIgetinhere.Iwaseverbr oken
butnowIcanwal kwithmyheadhel dhigh, Iam
readyfortheworldonedayandbeanewper son.
Wecl
appedourhands.
Lady:"youaredoingquietwel
lwi
tht
heprogr
am.
Thesepastmont hswehaveseem al
otof
i
mpr ovementfr
om everyone."
Ther
ewassi
lence.
Lady:
"Wouldyouliket
oshar
eyourst
orywi
thus
onceagai
nUnathi?"
Me:
"myst
oryi
ssmal
l",
Lady:
"youal
waysavoi
dedshar
ingyourst
ory.I
thi
nki
t'
sti
me"
Isi
ghedandIl
ookedatever
yonescanni
ngmyeyes.
Me:",Iam Unat
hi,Iwasoncemarri
edtogoodman.
IguessIjustdi
dn'
tappr
eciat
ethat,
hisef
for
ts."
Lady:
"thati
s?"
Ne:"hewoul ddoanyt hingf orme, allowanceof
R30000permont h.Shoppi ngspr eeskoSandt on.
Vacat i
onsar oundthewor l
danyt hingIwant ed.Even
i
fIsai dIwant edacar, aG- Wagonatt hismoment
hewi llgoandbuyi tandheal waysshowedmel ove
butIabusedhi m.Abusedhi sloveandl edhi minto
anotherwoman' sarms.Hehadami stressandt he
mistressandmysel fhadababyt hesameday.I
wentcr azytoapoi ntwher eIst abbedt hewomani n
heruter usandIwasar restedfort hat.Hel osthis
j
obmemor ybecauseofmysel fishness.Inever
appreciatedhim andt henIgother eandmet
anotherwomanwhowasn' tchargedbutwhenIwas
i
npr i
sonwasscar ed.Ist il
lam andt hingst urned
outdi
ff
erent
ly.Itur
nedoutdi
ff
erent
lyandl
ookedat
l
if
eanotherangle."
Lady:
"wow.Whatwoul
dyoudonext?
"
Me:
"Idon'
tknow "
Thebuzzerranganditwasourti
meTogo.We
stoodupandmadeourwayout .Imademywayt o
thephonesandItookthephoneandIdial
edthe
numberbeforeIpl
aceditonmyear.Itouchedmy
stomach.I
tisn'
tasvi
sibl
ebutit
'sgr
owing.Isighed.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Wet ookt hephot osandwenttochangeagain.The

naturalscenewaswhatIwant edanditwasdone
beautif
ully.Ichangedt omytradi
ti
onaldressand
redonemymakeupagai nbef
orewewal kedout.
Thepeopl ear oundweresingi
ngandbeingal lj
oyf
ul
andthisist hekindofmoodIneededr eall
y.Iwas
happy.Myr ingandthetit
leMrscouldn'
tamountto
anythi
ngandsoonIwi l
lbegraduati
ngaswell.We
dancedaswewer emaki ngourwayi nsi
dethetent
whichwillbeourrecept
ionandIcan't
danceproperl
ybutIgottherythm shame.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
45] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t100

Aft
erthespeechesweremadewewer enow
devouri
ngoursel
vesinfood.Ilostmyappetit
ejust
bylooki
ngateveryoneandhowever yoneisso
happyforus.Iam toobutIwishMer cycoul
dhave
madei t
.Ntet
helel
oheldmyhand.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Me:
"ij
ustwi
shmybestf
ri
endwasher
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wecangodownt
oDur
bant
omor
rowi
f
youwant"
Me: "Iam real
lywor
ri
edabouther
.Shehasbeen
verysecret
iveandEver
yti
meItryreachi
ngoutshe
ret
rentches"
Heki
ssedmyhand.
Ntet
helelo:
"wewil
lgotoDurban.Iwi
llbook
ever
ythingandwewil
lcheckonher.I
fsheisokor
not"
Iki
ssedhi
scheek.
Me:
"ngi
yabongaMbul
azi(t
hankyouMbul
azi)
"
Ntet
helel
o:"kubongaMinaMamuKhumal
o(Iam
t
hankfuloneMr sKhumalo)
"
Me:
"Mmht
hatsoundsni
ce"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"what?"
Me:"Thisi
sAndi
swaKhumalomywi f
eandmother
ofmykids.,t
hat
'showyoushoul
dint
roduceme
fr
om nowon."
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"thatsoundsver
yni
ce"
Me:
"Ver
y"
UnamitooktheMikef
rom t
het
abl
einf
rontofus.
Shest
artedsingi
ng.
Unami:
"O'
thul
ani,
Thul
ani,
Thul
ani
Thul
ani,
Thul
ani,
Thul
ani,
Thul
ani
Ul
alel
emah!
"
Cr
owd:
"Si
hloboNat
hil
ay'
khaya"
Ntet
helel
osi
gnaledf
orOneoft
heguyst
ogetthei
r
si
sterandIl
aughed,
Thel
owenttot
aket
heMike
fr
om Unami.
Unami:
"Yaziwena"
Shef
rownedandwentt
osi
tdown.
Me:
"It
hinkshei
sti
psy"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shei
sdr
unk"
Il
ookedathi
m andgi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Cal
m down.I
t'
ssupposedt
obeaf
unday"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"shei
sget
ti
ngt
oomuch"
Me:
"Shei
slovabl
e"
Hesmi
ledl
ooki
ngatme.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"wher
ehaveyoubeen?"
Me:
"int
hewor
ld.Justnoti
nfr
ontofyoureyes"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"real
ly?Andnowyouar
e?"
Hesmi
rked.
Me:
"att
her
ightl
ocat
ionIpr
esume"
Hebithisbott
om l
ipandperkedmyli
psandpeopl
e
ulul
ated.Godwhyaretheywatchi
ngusi
nst
eadof
eati
ng.
Me:
"let
'seatMnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Imi
ghthaveyoul
ateraswel
l"
Me:
"manner
s."
.
.
*
MERCY*

ThedooropenedandIl
ookedatmysideand
Yol
andaraninandherf
atherandgr
andpar
ents
f
oll
owedi
n.
Mah:
"ohst
handwaSam howar
eyou?"
Me:
"Iam get
ti
ngt
her
emah"
Iwasadmi t
tedatthehospit
al.Thepr egnancyis
makingmever ysi
ck.Theyhaveadmi t
tedmesi nce
l
astweekandmybl oodpressurelevelsarenot
subsidingwell
.Ihaveal r
eadyf i
ledforadi vor
ce
butsandileisnotsigni
ngandhei sdel ayi
ngand
draggingthiswholethi
ng.
Yol
anda:
"daddyoutmenextt
omommy"
Hepi
ckedherupandputheronme.
Yol
anda:"Wel
ldaddyt
oldmeIam gonnabeabi
g
si
ster"
Il
ookedatSandi
leandt
urnedt
omybabygi
rl
..
Me:
"yesbabyyouar
e."
Yol
anda:
"CanIt
oucht
hebaby?
"
Inoddedandshetouchedmyst
omach.Ihel
dher
handandtear
srandownmycheeks.
Me:
"Il
oveyouok?"
Shenodded.
Yol
anda:
"ar
eyougonnal
eavememommy?"
Sandi
le:
"comeher
ebaby"
Het
ookherandt
heywal
kedout
.
Mah:
"Sandi
let
oldmeyouf
il
edf
orDi
vor
ce"
Isl
owl
ycl
osedmyeyesandbreat
hedt
ryi
ngt
o
cat
chabr
eathandopenedt
hem.
Me:
"Il
ovehi
m butIcan'
tst
ay"
Mah:
"can'
titbef
ixed?"
Ishookmyheadsl
owl
y.
Me:
"Hehasdoneenough"
Mah:
"whatdi
dhedo?"
Me:
"hewillt
ellyou.Iwantustoshar
ecust
odyof
t
heki
dsthat'
sall.Thi
smarri
agewassetf
orfai
lur
e.
Wegotmarri
edveryearl
y"
Mah:
"itcanbef
ixed"
Me:
"Iam sor
ry"
Shenodded.
Mah:
"justgetbet
ter"
Sheki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Me:
"Iwi
ll"
Shesatwi
thmeandkeptmecompany.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

Mc:
"Cant
hebr
idet
hrowt
hebouquetal
ready?
"
Ever
yone:
"yes!"
Andi
swakeptonteasi
ngusunti
lshethr
ewitand
t
hisDinal
adycaughti
t.Ever
yonecl
apped.
Di
na:
"Yes"
Mc:
"comeuponst
ageandt
elluswhoyouar
e"
Shewentt
othef
rontandshet
ookt
hemi
c.
Dina:
"Uhm Hiever
yone.Myvenecul
orf
orZul
uis
notgr
eatbutanywayIam Di
neki
leLi
neoMpel
e"
Mc:
"sowear
ecomi
ngt
oyourweddi
ngnext"
Shelaughedandgotofthest
ageandwentto
Zamaniwhokissedhercheekandt
rysatdownI
wenttoAyanda.
Ayanda:"Whyar
eyoulini
ngupf
orbouquet
swhen
youarenotasi
ngl
elady?"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Iwant
edt
oseei
fIcancat
chaf
lower"
Heki
ssedmycheek.
Ayanda:
"youdon'
tneedone.Iwi
llbuyyouyour
own"
Me:
"youar
esweetyouknowt
hat?
"
Ayanda:
"IguessIam i
fyousayso"
Wel
aughed.It
ookt
hewat
erandst
art
eddr
inki
ng.
Ayanda:
"IhopeIwi
llgetsomeofyout
oni
ght"
Me:
"youwi
ll
"
Iputt
hewat
erdown.
Me:
"baby"
Ayanda:
"mmh"
Me:
"Di
dIgoonmyper
iodt
hismont
h?"
Hekeptqui
etf
orsomet
imet
hinki
ng.
Ayanda:"no.Youdi
dn'
tevenbuyanewpackof
padsthi
smont h"
Myeyespoopedout
.
Me:
"hai
bo.Ayandadon'
ttel
lmet
hat"
Ayanda:
"checkyourper
iodcal
endar
"
Hetookoutmyphonef rom hi
spocketandgaveit
tome.Iunlockeditandscr
oll
edtomyper i
od
cal
ender
s.Iscreamedandeveryonelookedatus.
Ayanda:
"what?"
Igavehi
m myphonewi
thmyhandsshaki
ng.He
outhi
sdri
nkdown.
Li
sa:
"what
'swr
ong?"
Ikeptqui
et.
Ayanda:
"Uhm "
Me:
"(shaki
ng)Ayanda"
Ayanda:
"uhm "
Me:
"Canyout
alk?"
Hel
ookedatmeandt
henmyphonesmi
li
ng.
Ayanda:
"(whi
stl
ing)amehl
ongakumi
na!(Eyes
onme!)"
Hest
oodup.
Me:
",
Ayanda!"
Everyonel
ookedathim andIbitmynai
ls.Mom i
s
here,Khul
uzaishereandeveryonei
shere.
Ayanda:
"Ilovethi
swoman, somuch.Iam not
t
ryi
ngtotakethespot
li
ghtf
rom youbr
o"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"car
ryon"
Ayanda:"Il
oveyouSiyamthanda.Isayi
tatadbi
t
toomuchbutIreall
ymeani t
.Getworri
edwhenyou
don'
tgetyourusualIl
oveyou'sfr
om me"
Wechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"youjustmademethehappi
estmani
n
ear
thbyholdi
ngablessi
ngi
nsi
deofyou"
Hewentdownonhi
skneesandki
ssedmyi
nvi
sibl
e
st
omach.
Ayanda:
"Thankyou"
Ther
ewasat
eari
nhi
seyeandIl
ookedahi
m.
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Mah: "andMi namni niwal
entoet
handwayo
angit
shelwasengi zwaamahem hem (Andme, t
he
producerofthiscreatur
ethati
slovedIam nott
old
nowIheari tfrom t
heair)"
Ever
yonel
aughed.
Andiswa:"auntyJabshl
alaphansit
uuuzogula
(auntyJabspleasesi
tdown.Youwillgetsi
ck)"
Mom :
"Andi
swa"
Wel
aughed.
Ayandaki
ssedmyl
i
psandIr
espondedbef
ore
deal
ingi
t.
Me:
"thepar
ent
s."
Ayanda:
"youar
ebasi
cal
lymywoman"
Me:
"St
il
l"
Hechuckl
edandhi
shandsr
oamedar
oundmy
st
omach.
.
.
*
MERCY*

mahl at
erlef
tandSandilecamebackonhi sown.
Justseeinghim get
smeweak.Het akesachairand
si
tsnextt ome. Itryt
obreathbutIseem t
obe
str
uggli
ngabi t
.
Sandi
le:
"baby"
Ikeptqui
et.
Sandil
e:"Iwantt
ochange.Iwantt
ori
ghtmy
wrongs"
Me:"you..
youcan'
trever
seanyt
hing.Evenyou
i
nfect
ingme"
Hel
ookeddown.
Sandi
le:
"Iknow.ButIwantust
ost
artover
.Pl
ease
gi
vemeachance."
Me:
"changef
ort
enextwomannotme"
Sandi
le:
"Idon'
twantt
henextwoman.Iwantyou"
Me:
"Iam t
ir
edsandi
le.Iam j
ustnotok"
Henodded.
Sandi
le:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Icl
osedmyeyesandl
etsl
eepconsumeme.
.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
45] :~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t101
*
MERCY*

Iwaseat i
ngwhi l
ewat chingthetv.Ijustbathed
andSandi l
eleftwhil
eIwasasl eep, whenwe
star
tedloveusedt obeamazi ngwi t
hhi m andnowI
don'
tknow.I tjustdrainsmeandhur t
sme, as
muchasIwantt ohat ehim butIcan'
t.Ireall
ycan'
t
evenifItr
iedto.ThedooropenedandIl ookedati
t.
"Knockknock"
Ismil
ed.Aver ybi
gpartofmeisver
yhappytosee
thi
sface.I
tjustbr
oughtpurej
oy.Iputmyfood
downandwi pedmytears.
Andi
swa:
"WenaDot
i(your
ubbi
sh)
"
Wel
aughandhugeachot
her
.
Andiswa:"Youdon'
tlookokMer
cy.Iam wor
ri
ed
aboutyou"
Me:
"(sof
tl
y)Iwi
llbeok"
Andi
swa:"Andyouforgothot
elmethi
shuge
i
nfor
mati
onthatIam gonnabeanauntagai
n"
Shet
ouchedmyst
omachandIgi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Whodi
dyoucomewi
th?Yourweddi
ng"
Iwi
pedmyt
ear
s.
Andi
swa:"I
twentokthoughi
twasablurwit
hout
youaswell
.IcamewithNtet
hel
elo,
hegotusher
e
assoonaspossi
ble"
Me:
"Al
readyusi
ngyourwi
fepower
s"
Andi
swa:
"Youknowme"
Shesnappedherf
inger
sandsatnextt
ome.
Andiswa:
"Ser
iousl
yMer
cywhat
'swr
ong?Youhave
beendist
ant"
Shehasawor
ri
edl
ookonherf
ace.
Me:"Iam oknow.It
'sj
ustt
hatt
hepr
egnancyhas
beenmakingmesick"
Andi
swa:
"Iam notbuyi
ngi
t"
Il
ookeddown.
Andi
swa:
"youknow Ial
wayshaveyourback"
Me:
"Iknow"
Andi
swa:
"tel
lmewhat
'seat
ingyouup?"
Me:
"Andi
swa.
."
Andi
swa:
"NoMer
cy"
Shesayswi
thacommandi
ngvoi
ce.
Me:
"(sni
ff)Iam HI
Vposi
ti
ve"
Andi
swa:"whydidyouhi
dethat?YouknowIl
ove
your
egar
dlessandbabespeopl
eli
ve"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowi
fIwoul
dcopeAndi
swa"
Andi
swa:"youwi
llbecauseyouhavesomuchl
ove
andsuppor
tfr
om meandYol andaandourf
ami
l
y"
Shehuggedmeandt
ear
srandownmycheeks.
Me:
"Thankyou"
Andi
swa:"Whysandi
leakwenzanj
enaMar
a?(Why
i
ssandi
ledoi
ngthi
stoyou?)"
Ikeptqui
et.
Andi
swa:
"Iam notsayi
nganyt
hing"
Me:
"If
il
edf
oradi
vor
ce."
Hereyespopped.
Andi
swa:
"uhm .
..
.Mer
cy"
Me:
"Iknow"
Andiswa:"Youlovetheguy.Youevendi
sobeyed
yourpar
entsforhim."
Me:
"butl
ookwher
eIam "
Icr
ied.Shehushedme.
Andi
swa:"weallmakemistakesandl
ear
nfr
om
t
hem.Don'tbeatyour
sel
fup"
Me:
"Itj
usthur
ts."
Andi
swa:
"Iknowbabes.Iknow"
Icr
iedonherchest
.
.
.
*
SIYAMTHANDA*

IhaveneverseenAyandathi
sexcitedandit
sonl
ya
bl
obf orsur
esinceImissedmyper i
odthi
smonth
butthisbl
obistheworl
dtohim Iknow.Itakemy
ri
ngi
ngphoneandIsatupandanswer editbef
orei
t
coul
dwakehim up.It
's11am andbel
ievemeIam
j
ustasembarr
assedtowakeupatt hi
st i
mebutI
am t
ir
edandtherear
ealotofwomenar oundaswell
.
Me:
"hel
lo"
Seset
hu:
"andyouf
orgotIexi
st"
Me:
"Yhowi
shsor
ry"
Seset
hu:"Anyway.Howareyoubabes?Imi
ssyou,
can'
tyourf
iancel
etyougoforaday?"
Me:
"idon'
tknow"
Igi
ggl
ed.
Seset
hu:
"Awut
uupl
ease"
Me:
"wewi
llhavel
unchhowaboutt
hat"
Seset
hu:
"andyouwi
llpay.Wowt
hankschomi"
Me:
"ohi
t'
sli
ket
hatnow"
Seset
hu:
"Igetf
reef
rom t
hel
oad."
Igi
ggl
ed.
Me:
"Iwi
llWhat
sAppyou.Ihavet
odomydut
ies"
Seset
hu:"Westil
lhavet
ogoshoppi
ngwi
thyou.
Youneedthatspi
ce"
Me:
"Igott
hatspi
cef
rom youandmom t
hankyou"
Seset
hu:
"Iam gl
adIhel
ped."
Shesaysal
lpr
oud.
Me:
"Ihavet
ogo.Loveyoumuch"
Seset
hu:
"loveyou"
ShehungupandIputmyphonedown.
"I
fyougossi
paboutmeat
leastmakei
tsof
t"
Me:
"youwer
eli
steni
ngt
oourconver
sat
ion?"
Hepul
ledmetohi
m andrubbedmyi
nvi
sibl
e
st
omach.SeewhatImean?
Ayanda:
"Howi
sMnt
ungwai
nther
e?"
Me:
"it
hinki
t'
sgonnabet
hel
ongest9mont
hsf
or
t
hebot
hofus."
Ayanda:
"ver
ylong."
Heki
ssedmycheek.
Me:
"Ineedt
ogetup..al
readyIam abad'
wif
e'."
Hechuckl
ed.
Ayanda:
"myki
ndofwi
fe"
Ishookmyheadandgotof
fthebedandwor
e
sl
ipper
sandagown.
.
.
*
DINA*

Iknockedonthedoorwhil
ebal
ancingatr
ayonmy
handsbefor
eitopenedandwelookedateachot
her
.
Me:
"Hi"
IwasnervousyetIdon'
tknowwhy.hemovedf
rom
thedoorandmadewayf ormeandImademyway
i
nandpl acedt
hetrayonthedr
esser
.
Me:"ever
yoneatebreakfastexceptf
oryousoI
f
igur
edthatIshoul
dbr i
ngithere."
Zamani:
"Thankyou"
Inodded.
Me:
"Ihavet
oleave"
Zamani:
"Di
na"
Il
ookedathi
m.
Zamani:
"Thankyouf
orcomi
ngwi
thme"
Me:
"it
'smypl
easur
e"
Hest
eppedcl
oserandki
ssedmyf
orehead.
Zamani:
"Ir
eal
lyappr
eci
atei
t."
Me:
"rel
ax.Iknowyoudoboo"
Hechuckl edandheldmywai standper kedmyl i
ps.
Ilookedathim andbroughthisfacetomi neandI
kissedhim sl
owlyandher esponded.Hepl aced
bothhishandsar oundmywai standIlightl
ybithi
s
bottom l
ipandbr oket
hekiss.Hepl acedhis
foreheadonmi ne.
Zamani:
"Idi
dn'
tknowwher
etost
art"
Me:
"st
arther
e"
Hel
ookedatmeandIcar
ri
edonki
ssi
nghi
m andhe
r
esponded.
.
.
*
ANDI
SWA*

Icouldn'
tdi
gestproper
lywhatMercysaidbutIhave
tobest r
ongforherandtr
ytocheerherup.Ireal
ly
am abadf r
iend.IshouldhavecametoDurban
real
lysoonaswel l
.
Me:
"sowhat
'sgonnahappenwi
thYol
anda?"
Mer
cy:
"Idon'
tknowr
eal
ly"
Me:
"youl
ovehi
m"
Mer
cy:
"Iwantt
ohat
ehi
m butIcan'
t"
Me:"t
hatwasmewi t
hNtethel
elobutIcan'
t
compar
eoursi
tuat
ionsIguess"
Sheshrugged.Thedooropenedandwelookedati
t
andSandil
ewalkedi
nwi t
hpaperbags.
Sandi
le:
"hiAndi
swa"
Me:
"hi"
Mer
cy:
"hey"
Heki
ssedherf
orehead.Youcanseet
heconcer
n
andworr
yinhi
seyes.
Me:"Ihavet
ogo.Iwi
llseeyoul
ateri
nthe
af
ter
noon."
Shenodded.Iki
ssedhercheek.
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Mer
cy:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Wehuggedandt henIsai
dmygoodbyesand
wal
kedoutoftheward.Itookoutmyphoneand
cal
ledNt
ethel
eloandheansweredonthefi
rstr
ing.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Mam'
Khumal
o"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"pl
easecanyougetme"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Ok.Iwi
llbet
her
esoon"
Me:
"thankyou"
Ihungupandsatdown.Ourl
ivesar
etur
ningqui
ck
f
orsoont
obe22yearol
dsi
njustaf
ewmont
hs.
.
.
*
SANDI
LE*

Ihavedamagedus, heri
ntheprocessofmy
sel
fi
shness.IloveMercysomuchr eal
ly.Iam not
sayi
ngthi
sbecauseIonlyseethatIhavebr ought
somuchhur t
.
Me:"Yol
andawantedt
ovisi
tbutt
heywentt
o
uShakawi
thhergr
andpar
ents"
Shenodded.
Me:
"Mer
cy"
Mer
cy:
"sandi
le"
Me:
"Iknowthi
swon'
tchangeanyt
hingbutIam
r
eal
lysor
ry"
Shesi
ghed.
Mer
cy:
"what
'sdonei
sdone"
Me:
"Iwi
shIcoul
dtur
nbackt
hehandsoft
ime"
Mer
cy:
"Idoaswel
l"
Ikeptqui
et.
Mer
cy:
"Howar
eyou?"
Isi
ghed.
Me:
"regr
etf
ulofal
otoft
hings."
Mer
cy:
"Mmh"
Weusedtomakeaconver sati
onoutofanythi
ng
andnowit'
sli
kewear est
rangers.Icameclosert
o
herandki
ssedherl
ips.Iexpectedhertor
emove
mebutshegaveinaswelltothekiss.Ibr
okeit.
Me:
"Il
oveyou'
Mer
cy:
"Il
oveyout
oo"
Ismi
led.
.
.
Tobecont
inued
[
09/
17,
18:
45] :SEASONFI
NALLY
~Mi
str
ess~

I
nser
t102

Iwai
tedforNt
ethel
eloandf
inal
lyhear
ri
ved.Iwent
tohi
m andheengulf
edmeinahug.
Me:
"howi
syourgar
agef
unct
ioni
ng?"
Nt
ethel
elo:"ver
ywel
lbaby."
Me:
"Iam hungr
yandIwantt
ocheckont
heki
ds."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"noki
dsf
orsomet
ime"
Me:
"hawuMnt
ungwa"
Nt
ethel
elo:"youwi
llseet
hem l
ater"
Wewalkedoutofthehospit
al.Wegott
ohiscar
andheopenedthedoorformeandIgotinandhe
wentt
ohissideandgotinbefor
ehedroveoff
.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"howi
sMer
cy?"
Me:
"shei
sexpect
ingandt
hepr
egnancyi
sgoi
ng
herf
lames."
Nt
ethel
elo:
"i
tcandot
hat?"
Me:
"Hehyouknownot
hingwena"
Hechuckl
ed.
"Bal
loonsar
edef
lat
ed
Guesst
heyl
ookl
if
elessl
ikeme
Wemi
ssyouonyoursi
deoft
hebed,
mmmh.
..
."
Me:
"thi
ssong"
It
urnedt
hevol
umeabi
t.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"it?"
Me:"Thi
sist
hesamesongIpl
ayedwhenyou
br
okemyheart"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"newchapt
ersugarpl
um "
Me:
"wear
elooki
ngbackandl
aughi
ng"
Ist
art
edl
aughi
ng.Thel
ookonhi
sfaceaswel
l.
Me:
"Yesi
t'
snewbegi
nni
ngsMnt
ungwa"
It
ookhi
sot
herhandandki
ssedi
tbef
orel
ett
ingi
t
go.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Wher
ear
ewegonnaeat?"
Mw:
"anywher
e"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"let
'sgot
oMusgr
avet
hen"
Me:
"Idon'
tknowDur
bansoyoudi
rectus"
Hechuckl
ed.
Nt
ethel
elo:
"Il
oveyou"
Me:
"Il
oveyouandourki
ds"
Nt
ethel
elo:
"andourchi
ldr
en"
Heplacedhishandonmythi
gh.Ilookathim and
smil
e.Ilovemyhusbandandreal
lyIam happy
whereweareatthismoment
.
.
.
*AYANDA*

Ilookedaroundt
heyar
dandever yonewasj ust
rushingandpeopl
eweresubsi
dingfrom yester
day.
Iwaswi
thmyf ather
sanduncl
esj
ustl
ooki
ng
ar
oundandt
alkingwitht
hem.
Uncl
e:"Usebenzi
leMf
ana(youdi
dwel
lboy)
"
Ismi
led.
Me:
"ngi
yabongaMal
ume(t
hankyouuncl
e)"
Dad:
"Iam pr
oudofhowyouf
ir
stdi
dthi
ngs"
Me:
"Iwant
edt
odor
ightbyher"
Dad:
"andyoudi
d."
Me:
"it
'st
imet
ost
oppl
ayi
ng"
"Ayanda!"
Li
samadeherwayt
ous.
Li
sa:
"Sani
bonani(gr
eet
ings)
"
Me:
"Li
sa"
Lisa:"uMawakheuyakucel
a(Themot
heri
saski
ng
foryou)"
Ichuckl
ed.
Me:
"ok."
Iexcusedmyselfbefor
ef ol
lowi
ngherandwe
walkedtowhereSiyamthandaisandshewas
standi
ngoutsi
dethekitchenpacingupanddown.
Li
sa:
"hei
sher
e"
Si
ya:
"thankyou"
Me:
"whati
swr
ong?Ar
eyouok?"
Li
sa:
"letmel
eave"
Shewal
kedof
f.Si
yahel
dmyhands.
Si
ya:
"youknowIl
oveyousomuch."
Me:
"Il
iveyouaswel
l"
Si
ya:
"Idon'
twantt
odot
hisanymor
e"
Il
ookedather
.
Me:
"Whatdoyoumean?"
Iwasconf
usedandmyhear
tisbeat
ingf
ast
.
Siya:
"whatImeani
sthatIdon'
twantt
obeyour
fi
anceanymore"
Ichuckl
edl
ight
ly.
Me:
"youdon'
twantt
obemyf
ianceanymor
e?"
Si
ya:
"yes.Iwantt
obeyourwi
fe.Let
'sgetmar
ri
ed
"
Il
ookedatherandl
if
tedherup.
Si
ya:
"Ayanda!
"
Me:
"fuckenGodIl
oveyou"
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Siya:
"let
'sgetmar
ri
edst
handwaSam.Iwantt
obe
yourMrsKhumalo"
Me:
"Il
oveyou"
Sheper
ksmyl
ips.
Si
ya:
"Il
oveyoumor
e"
Iwasreal
lyhappy.I
t'
sli
keIjustgott
hemostbest
newseverinmyenti
reli
fe.
Me:"youheart
hatMntungwa.Mommyanddaddy
ar
egetti
ngmarri
ed."
Shegi
ggl
ed.
Si
ya:
"Wear
eget
ti
ngmar
ri
edbaby"
Wel
aughedandsheki
ssedmeandIr
esponded.
MindyouIhaven'
tpl
acedherdownasyet
.If
eel
whole.
.
.
.
*
ZAMANI*

Il
ookatherasshemovesatt hebeatofthesound
andwouldlookatmeandsmi l
easwel l
.Sheiscare
fr
ee,fi
estyandalsodownt oeart
handhumbl eand
l
ovingaswell.YesIlovedmyexwi febutwithDina
i
t'
sadiffer
entki
nd.Theki ndIhavenevertasted
andwouldwanttokeepongoi ngjusttogetmoreof
i
t.
Dina:
"ever
ymani
nthi
syar
discal
ledMnt
ungwa
ri
ght?"
Inod
Me:
"orMbul
azi"
Di
na:
"okcomeMbul
azit
hissongi
sni
ce"
Sheswaysherwai
star
oundandkeepsonspi
nni
ng
sl
owlyt
otheryt
hem.
Me:
"Don'
tgetdi
zzy"
Ist
andupandhol
dherwai
st.
Di
na:
"whathappenedt
othecont
rol
lerZamani?"
Shesaysmovi
ngherbodyagai
nstmi
ne.
Me:
"Hegotabi
ttamed."
Di
na:
"iwonderbywhat?"
Me:
"byLove"
Di
na:
"isi
tsweetorbi
tt
er?"
Me:
"it
'sabi
ggersweet"
Di
na:
"Il
ovet
het
ast
e"
Me:
"met
oo"
Di
na:"f
orbi
ddenfrui
tsj
ustl
iket
heoneEveat
e
t
astet
hesweetest"
Shet
urnedt
ome
Di
na:
"thi
stast
essweet"
Me:
"sur
ely"
.
.
*
SANDI
LE*
.
.
Ilookedatherasshesl ept.Iwil
lnotgi veuponus
asyet .Theremustbeachancef orus.IknowI
messedupbutIam havi nghighhopesher e.I
kissedhercheekandt henmademywayout .Iam
goingt ocheckonYol anda.Iam t ryingtospend
ti
mewi ththebot hofthem equal l
yandpr ovethatI
am changi nganddoi ngbet t
er.Iwal kedoutoft he
hospi t
alandwentt omycar .Iopenedi tandgoti n
andcl osedt hedoorandst art
ed.Thecar, Ir
ever sed
outi ft
hepar kinglotandt hendroveof f
.Music
playedont her adiowhi l
eIwasdr i
ving.Itwas
Tupaconl yGodcanj udgeme.It urnedt hevolume
upandt hengunshot scameandIl ookedatt he
reviewmi rror.Therewer et woblackcar sfoll
owi ng
me.
Me:
"shi
t!"
Itri
edt oreachformyphonebuti tdroppedt othe
carfloor.Thegunshot sf ol
lowedandIt ri
edt o
reachf ori
tandIgotit.Il i
ft
edmyheadandIwas
headf orapoleandIcr ashedintoit.Theai rbag
cameoutandmyvi si
onwasbl ur
ry.If el
tthesting
onmyar m andfoll
owedoneonmyshoul der.I
openedt hedoorandf elloutandIfeltmultipl
e
shotsonmyst omachandchest .
Me:
"Mer
cy!"
It
ookmybr
eat
hbef
oreIcl
osedmyeyes.
.
.
Theend